#bmh.txt

[bloominghaos]

SVT as random things my friends and I have said

(From our out of context quotes)

Seungcheol - “Don’t fucking forsake me”

Jeonghan - “I swing both ways to be evil”

Joshua - “Positive reinforcement whore, I get it”

Junhui - “I feel like there’s evil spirits here”

Hoshi - “Actually, I’m not afraid of stupidity, stupidity is afraid of me”

Wonwoo - “A Freddy Fazbear fumble, classic!”

Woozi - “Sometimes my writing is so cunt”

Dokyeom - “Look at the way I shake my ass”

Mingyu - “I spelled baguette with a q…. Baquette”

Minghao - “Composure is loading please hold”

Seungkwan - “I was saying that for the studio audience” *there is no studio audience

Vernon - “I’m a machine that turns closed eyes into sleepy time” (alternatively “fuck it, we bald”)

Dino - “You be as cunty as cunty you want”

[bloominghaos]

The Heart Killers ending today is going to leave a void I don’t know how I’m going to fill

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I want to take a moment to talk about the reconciliation scene in episode 16 of Perfect 10 Liners

Yes, for Yotha, he needed this explanation from their mother, he deserved to be able to let go of his resentment (even if I don’t think she necessarily deserves any of their forgiveness) for his own well-being. But that healing moment for Yotha was really overshadowed for me because, for Faifa? His heart was broken again in that same moment.

Faifa had to sit and listen to his mother tell his brother that she took Faifa instead of him, because if she took Yotha, she would have been so happy having Yotha with her that she wouldn’t think of visiting her other children. So she took Faifa from his brothers and his dad, all of whom she admitted she knew he loved being with, because he would miss them and want to see them, for her own selfish reasons with no regard for how that could affect him. Because she needed him as an excuse to force her into being semi-present in their lives. And then, she ultimately sent him back anyway, further traumatizing him, because he missed them like she knew he would but she was too preoccupied with her new family. She verbally admitted she chose to take Faifa, not for his sake, but because she knew if she had taken Yotha, she would have wholly abandoned the rest of her children. In that moment, Faifa was made to feel like a second choice to her. He was othered. Again.

Then she drops the news that she’s leaving the country with her new family (and she hadn’t even initially planned to tell them at all before she left, it was pure luck they were there when she came to say goodbye to their father) Effectively abandoning them all again. And Faifa had to sit there, hurt etched into every detail of his face. And he couldn’t even say anything.

For the rest of the scene, he can hardly even bring himself to look at her. He wasn’t even really allowed the time to sit with his feelings before she was telling him how his half siblings missed him and he had to put his emotions aside, again, for the sake of others; agreeing to see her off at the airport so they could see him before they all left. He let her hug him despite how obvious it was (to the audience at least) that he did not find it very comforting. Because he didn’t feel loved. He hugged her, assured her that he knows she loves him when she asked, not because he actually felt that way, but in order to not hurt her feelings, to not cause a stir.

She gets the comfort of being forgiven and making up with all of her sons so she can go and live her life guilt-free, all the while blissfully ignorant of how harshly she just hurt one of them, no matter how unintentional it may have been. She was not, and still isn’t, a good mother to her sons. Despite this scene being one where she is supposed to reconcile her mistakes, she is still selfish throughout, in her words and actions. Everything is done for her emotional benefit.

Despite this being a mostly positive moment for Yotha, one he needed, I couldn’t help but feel so devastated for Faifa. Faifa who is always putting himself on the back burner. Faifa who probably thinks that if he makes himself as small as possible, if he doesn’t need to have his feelings cared for, if he’s agreeable to a fault and doesn’t make a fuss, maybe, just maybe, the people he loves will stop abandoning him over and over again.

(And don’t even get me started on how overlooked Newton’s feelings are because he’s the oldest and it’s “his responsibility to look after his younger brothers”. Gmmtv can not let a series end without an attempt to redeem even the worst parents and I hate it sometimes. They have every right to resent her for her decisions. No matter what her motivations were. In fact, they have every right to resent her because of her motivations even.)

[bloominghaos]

Having a clingy cat who likes to lay on my chest is all hehe haha until she tries to start a new career in nipple piercing

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Jun is so so so pretty don’t ever speak to me if you disagree

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Opened Pinterest and accidentally saved twenty-five photos of Jun

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I think a hug from my long distance best friend would fix me

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Mission Impossible a.k.a figuring out a way to visit my mom that doesn’t also directly result in my own misery the whole time

[bloominghaos]

Insanity is continuing to attempt to use my lock screen for light knowing full well I have had a dark wallpaper for ages now and it doesn’t illuminate shit

[bloominghaos]

Realized I have free will and I don’t have to try so hard to only put forth a presentable version of myself

I do not have to water myself down like that, the people meant to love me will love me anyway

[bloominghaos]

Unfortunately I take 2d6 psychic damage every time my mom speaks to me

[bloominghaos]

New year but I have no drastic new year resolutions. My plans for this year are to simply keep doing things that make me happy, laugh with my friends often, and heal from the things that hurt me.

[bloominghaos]

Dokyeom would be devastated to find out that he was in my dream this morning but he wasn’t the one who said the joke that made me laugh so hard I woke myself up

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Cats are mostly not very heavy until they somehow manage to rest their entire body weight and that of their ancestors into a single little paw that they’ve placed upon your chest

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The universe knew I would be too powerful if I could sleep properly

[bloominghaos]

“What are you doing after this?”

Oh, just the usual, going home to ruminate on the entirety of our social interaction until I’m embarrassed about every single thing I said or did, nothing too serious