#bloodstained on cobblestone streets || bloodborne

[a-bottomless-curse]

The surface was calm. Even the occasional ripple was not out of place, nor did it signal to anything happening below.

Down in the depths, the light was so pale and far away, it was as distant as a star in the night sky.

Down.

...............Down.

............................Drowning in the deep.

Eyes burned in the water as she thrashed. The soft satin weighed down and tangled with her legs as she kicked, trying to find anything in the water that would serve as a sort of purchase. A she tried to ignore the voice that called for her to sink further, to see what else was lurking in the depths of the frigid water.

The dark infected her vision as air escaped. The bubbles popped before the reached the surface, a silent scream escaping into the water without causing any ripples to be seen by those above.

With bated breath, the first destruction of the waters surface calm was when her pale hand broke through to grab hold of a rock. Pulling herself through the water, she pushed herself to standing. Almost as if from myth, drenched so thoroughly that she felt the chill of deep water in her bones.

She breathed through burning lungs, golden hair swirling around her as the wind whipped up. Thin rivulets of red dripped over her arms and legs, leaving pink stains on pale skin as it turned her pale blue dress lilac.

The sounds of panic and shouting above falling on deaf ears.

-

The free fall, the sense of flying with the imminent knowledge that a crash would follow, did not frighten her as much as she had thought it would. Perhaps it helped that she wholly believed, perhaps too strongly, that fear was born of the unknown, and that by doing, she removed the things she did not know, and thus removed the fear of an action of a possibility from herself, simply by doing.

And she did not close her eyes. Golden hair whipped through the air, but she kept her eyes on the water.

"If you are to fall, and you believe there is even a chance you might survive such a fall, then you must not look away from where you are to land. It is similar to diving you see. You must look at where you are going to fall, that way you can know how to act, or react, to land as safely as you can."

The words of her grandfather echoed in her mind as she kept her eyes on the water, waiting for the opportune time to flip herself around.

Breaking the surface of the water with her feet nearly made her forget to inhale a breath, the pain sending pins and needles through through her legs and partially up her spine. Yet, inhale she did, moment before she slipped under the surface, sinking farther than she thought she would, till the surface above her had enough time to calm itself.

-

The classmates behind chatted and laughed amongst themselves as she stood on the cliff, overlooking the drop. Her breathing was still steady, though she found it difficult to try and gauge the height she would be falling, and part of her wondered if she should have said that she would do this after changing her clothes.

"Aw, come on Kayden, don't tell us your too scared to jump? And here I thought you said you'd do it for Morgan. Changed your mind already?"

Hackles nearly raised, she turned with an icy glare, "I'm not afraid, Jebidiah. I simply don't feel the need to constantly talk about it, or any emotion, unlike some people here. I do wonder how you ever manage to get through the day without saying any and every feeling that crosses through your being, since you seem only ever confident when you speak as though you're king of the world. Now hush, and keep hold your end of the bargain, or you won't like what else I have to say."

She didn't wait to hear his response, though she felt quite pleased with herself at his gaping mouth. The darling boy of the school never did know how to react to those who simply could not be bothered with him.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped over the side of the cliff. 'There is nothing to fear, except fear itself.'

[a-bottomless-curse]

“ I want to watch you lose control. ” ((this is just: u ever wanna go apeshit? lol))

Silence was the first answer, accompanied by a two, three, slow blinks as she stared at his face and wondered what prompted this...request? Desire? They truly weren't certain what exactly his aim was in wishing this, but a slight curve of their lips was followed by a brief huff of laughter. "Well, now that is an interesting thing for you to request from a Hunter, is it not? I do wonder why, though I doubt you would tell me the entirety of the truth." Her doubt was not an insult upon him, but moreso a reflect of the suspicion that seeped into most who lived in Yharnam for a time.

"I am not entirely certain you haven't seen me loose control, if only during the Hunt and the act of shedding blood." There other ways one could loose control of themself of course, and she keenly knew that it was a possibility (perhaps a certainty considering her own aim) that her mind would one day shatter, or that she, in an attempt to seek understanding, to seek knowledge, would loose her hold on the careful control she was still able to currently keep over her curiosity.

Her expression did not sober, the smile turning almost shark-like, though still small, "I have no doubt you will see me loose control in more ways than one, Crow. This city is good at making sure such a thing happens, and I am ever one to indulge in my own curiosity. I wonder, what will you do once you see such a thing happen?" Perhaps this was a desire to know what she was like in such a moment to determine whether or not he would allow her to continue to be tied to Annalise. Or perhaps, he simply reveled in the chaos it could cause. She wasn't certain, and oddly, she wasn't bothered terribly by not knowing (even if the little voice in her mind still wished to know, she was keeping it quiet for now).

"Perhaps I will give you a show of it. The Hunt will begin soon, and I have a feeling something may happen that causes just your wish to come true."

[a-bottomless-curse]

What does she do to calm herself when she's suffering from her visions? Is there anything she can do to calm herself or an does she lack awareness entirely in moments like that? If she has a method, what is it?

Her ability to calm and ground herself during the moments where visions take over depends on the strength and intensity of the hallucination / vision. While she has a few items on her person that can help limit the effects of, and even drastically shorten the time of her brief and faint hallucinations / visions, namely a small vial of incense mixed with salt water, the more intense visions (which generally are the ones that happen with the higher insight she so often has) are either impossible or extremely difficult for her to calm herself down from - especially when she is alone.

For her less intense visions, she does have her vial of incense and salt water, which upon either breathing in the scent or touching one drop to her tongue, can help with calming her visions to the point of making them fade quicker, or even making them disappear near instantly all together. She can also ground herself by doing a similar technique used when having panic attacks; 5 things she can see, 4 things she can hear, 3 things she can touch, 2 things she can smell, and 1 thing she can taste. She will only use this option if her visions are not intense and feel more like minor hallucinations. She cannot in any way use this method for her more intense visions due to the influence they can have on her senses (including things like phantom tastes & smells all the way up to actually affecting her body enough to create real tastes & smells (usually blood or sea water) that no longer count as hallucinations - which is also why she sometimes coughs up blood or sea water when having such intense visions). Another method she does, usually when she is home or at least not out in the hunt, is to keep a pouch of dried lavender on her that she can hold against her nose and mouth, the smell of which helping ease her mind and body, which in turns helps the vision pass easier.

As her visions get more intense, she will either try to isolate herself somewhere relatively safe (especially done if she does not believe there is anyone she trusts close enough for her to reach) to hide in until the visions pass, or she will try to find her way towards someone that she trusts in order to have someone who will watch her back against beasts at the very least. This is especially true if her visions hit when is in the field on a night of the hunt. Of course, given that her visions are celestial more often than not, they don't always hit when she is out, which means that if she either home alone or inside

For her middling intensity visions, she often will seek out a friendly presence as, even if they do not know what is affecting her, having a familiar presence can help her find the means to be able to calm herself more readily. The vial and the lavender pouch above can still help her with visions of these levels, though their effectiveness is not as potent. Within this level, she is much more prone to doing such things as biting her lip or her hand, something to cause physical pain away from her eyes in an attempt to open windows of clarity for her to find the means of grounding herself in. These windows are often small, and so they do only work about 45-65% of the time.

[a-bottomless-curse]

@derjaegermond: What can Kayden do to calm herself during her visions, if there is anything? Is she aware of her surroundings when they happen, or is she completely lost in them.

For the most part, what she can do to help calm / ground herself during moments of her visions and/or hallucinations depends greatly on the intensity of what she is experiencing, and similarly, depending on the level of intensity, she either is mostly aware of her surroundings, partially aware but certainly missing things, or completely unaware of her surroundings unless she is with someone, in which case then she is only vaguely aware of that person and nothing else.

The scale of intensity goes from low to medium to high, with the potency of her items or techniques decreasing greatly amongst the high intensity hallucinations and visions. Between the medium to high intensity visions, she tends to seek out either isolation (if she is out on a night of the hunt when it happens, or she stays inside her home if they happen there) or she will seek out a friendly presence. That being said, not all of the people she trusts enough to go to during a vision will know how to help her, but at the very least, she knows that they will help her safe from such things as beasts (which is also important during nights of the hunt if she feels she can make it to one of her friends safely).

For low intensity visions: She keeps a few things on her that can help calm her down from these visions, with the chief items that she has being:

1) a vial of incense mixed with either sea water (which can only be used for low to medium intensity vision) or fresh spring / river water (which can also be used with high intensity visions, though the potency of the help it offers is drastically reduced), and 2) a bag of dried and crushed lavender blooms which she can hold against her nose and mouth so as to let the scent of the lavender help calm her mind.

She also can use a similar technique to what one might use to come down from a panic attack; focusing her senses on 5 things she can see, 4 things she can hear, 3 things she can touch, 2 things she can smell, and 1 thing she can taste, can help her come down from a hallucination. However, she can only use this technique for low level visions and hallucinations. Doing so with medium level visions is not the worst thing she could do, but her high level visions are so real that they can actually affect her body, which is why at times she will cough up sea water or blood with those very intense visions, especially if they are more closely connected to Kos / the cosmos, so she can not ever use this technique with those.

For medium intensity visions: She still uses the vial and the bag of lavender, but the effects of those tools are not as potent. She also is more likely to bit her lip / hand in an attempt to use the physical pain to give herself a moment of clarity for the above items to work better, or to give herself a higher chance of getting somewhere relatively safe before the vision takes over. If she is at home, then she can use more aromatherapy techniques to help mitigate the intensity of the vision, but when she is out in the field, there are significantly fewer things that she can do, which leads to finding one of her hiding spots to let the vision pass in.

For the high intensity visions: There is where there is very little that she can do to help mitigate the visions potency, calm herself down, or ground herself back to reality until the vision has passed and sufficiently chewed her up and out from the inside. These are the visions that cause to be completely unaware of her surroundings, and thus the most vulnerable; they also are the ones that make her speak in inhuman / alien tongues, make her cry water or blood, and/or make her cough up salt water or blood. They also can make the cracks around her eyes (the ones gained from having such high insight) get bigger, which causes the areas around her eyes to look more like marble with many fine cracks throughout it.

For these visions, if she can feel one coming on then her first goal is to find someone she can trust to protect her, or to find somewhere to hide. The lavender bag is the most reliable of the things she keeps on her to help stall the vision from hitting so that she can reach a safe haven, but after about 5 uses of smelling it, the scent no longer works to keep the vision at bay.

There really isn't all that much she can do once one of these visions hit except for to keep herself in one spot (which, even that can be difficult with some of them) and to hope that nothing finds her with the intent to do harm when she is in such a vulnerable state. Generally it has to be after the vision has passed that she can try to calm her mind and ground herself back in reality.

[a-bottomless-curse]

“Oh don’t you start too Ornstein. Oedon above knows that I’ve made you flush worse I am in this moment. I wonder what others would say to how easily I’ve gotten a rise from you, and within a holy place as well.”

@a-bottomless-curse "I am shocked to see you so easily overwhelmed. All your tough talk, that confident look you try to keep up in front of me, and in the end your cheeks are as easily coloured as those of any innocent youth."

[a-bottomless-curse]

@of-forossa said: Brom leaning against Helena all too casually, his eyes burning like embers on Kayden. "She seems a bit distracted, Helena. What could she be thinking...?" He stifles a yawn, but not before flashing his own impressive fangs.

Kayden, with a muffled whine behind the hand now covering her mouth, only for it to fall away and a groan to leave her, “Oh, Brom, not you too? Well now this is just...double unfair.” Crossing her arms, she huffs a dramatic glare at the both of them, though her gaze quickly fixates on the fangs they both bear for a mesmerized moment. “I can not believe you would team up on me in this manner. I will demand affection for this, you know this right?’

[a-bottomless-curse]

// a heart for brom? mayhaps?

@of-forossa

💔 -> non-existent.

💗 -> very low.

💗💗 -> a little.

💗💗💗 -> hopeful.

💗💗💗💗 -> high.

💗💗💗💗💗 -> maximum.

VISUAL ATTRACTIVENESS: 💗💗💗💗💗

( purely aesthetic appreciation of looks. )

"Brom caught my eye when we were young for many reasons, and now that we are older, I have more words at my disposal to know why. He is, and has always been sturdy, in bearing and figure especially. Though it is his eyes that I know set my heart alight most often, and his smile, seldom though it is with the state of Yharnam, gives me peace. He is a handsome man, one who's very being in my mind radiates warmth and certainty."

FRIENDSHIP LEVEL: 💗💗💗-💗💗💗💗

( how close a friend they consider them. )

"It is odd to describe the meeting of an old friend when you have both changed so much. He was my best friend when we were younger, and I am sure the boxes of letters, both those I received from him over the years and those I wrote to him but could never send after I was sent away can certainly prove the steadfastness strength of our friendship. But...I know I am not entire who I once was, and neither is he. And yet, there have been times, even in the darkest hours of the hunt, whether through one of us bringing to light an old memory, or through conversation to keep the madness at bay, I see the same flicker of him still. I know that there is work to be done to truly become like the friends we once were, and yet, I still think of him as one of my closest friends."

SEXUAL DESIRE: 💗💗💗💗💗

( wanting to have sex with them. )

"Having met and rekindled our relationship once again, I know that Brom's warmth lingers around me even when we part before the dawn after the Hunt ends. I know that when I fall asleep on the nights in which we have fought together it is in a solace that comes from that same warmth. I also know that I would be lying, much more than I ever would care to do so, if I said that I did not indulge in imagining what it would be like to share a bed with him. There is a reason that I indulge in teasing him as well. So, yes, I do wish, and dream at times, of what it would be like for him to pin me down and have his way with me, for Brom to show off that impressive strength of his while we stay warm amongst the ever constant cold. Perhaps he would shun me if he knew how much I wished we could be laid bare and vulnerable to each other, and yet I will not deny that I wish for it, often, and intensely even as times."

ROMANTIC INTENT: 💗💗💗💗💗

( hoping for a romantic relationship. )

"Brom's letters have been a constant source of warmth for me for all the long years that we were apart. They were, for many years, my only source of comfort and solace as, whenever I read his words, I could imagine myself so easily sitting beside him under our tree. I could scarcely believe it, even though I had had my suspicions, when he revealed the picture I drew for him to me, and yet my heart had leapt at the knowledge that we had found each other again. I have seldom thought or even entertained the knowledge that loved him them, when I was young and scared and foolish, but so very much in love with him. I gave into the despair that I would never see him again. But know that I know that despair was foolish, I wonder often over what could have been, had I been able to stay, and what could be now that we are reunited. I wish...I wish I were brave enough to tell him in no uncertain words how I feel for him. How I treasure his smile, his laugh, and all that he is. How I always will, but how I wish I could so beside him every dawn, every twilight, through the blood and madness, and through the hope that there will come a day when we will no longer have to pursue acts of slaughter to have even just a moments peace to ourselves. I do not know how much truth or tease there were to his words when we spoke in front of the chapel and he spoke of marriage for bedding me, but...I am devoted to him in ways that may be difficult to discern to most. If he were to ask it of me, I would indeed wed him, though if I must, I will be content to be his friend and companion until our last deaths part us."

[a-bottomless-curse]

... mmm... EH! If you're still doin' the thing! 💕 for [lanternfading]! Whichever muse you want!

fina's love calculator || accepting!

Kayden O'Connell & Gilbert: 65%

Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Kayden O'Connell and Gilbert has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not. Your relationship may suffer good and bad times. If things might not be working out as you would like them to, do not hesitate to talk about it with the person involved. Spend time together, talk with each other.

"Well now that's rude Doctor. While I can see how one might find it difficult in Yharnam amongst a plague, I enjoy the conversations we do have Gilbert. I will be sure to make more time to stop by so that we can have more often as well. After all, there's no such thing as lost hope, not even here."

[a-bottomless-curse]

“Heysel no! I promise I am not only your friend for the potential of seeing what one such as you would have for blood, but because I greatly enjoy your company, your wit, and your charm.”

“But...well, as you know my dear scholar, the things we do for science are many, some of which are more pleasant than others to be sure, while others are certainly uncomfortable or dangerous. And I, as a scholar and curious woman, am bound by the laws of my nature to explore the nature of such things in the world. But I would never do such a thing if it offended you.”

“And, not only that, but you certainly wouldn’t be an old sherry. Perhaps a pino noir accompanied by escargot.”

@a-bottomless-curse said: "Challenge accepted"

"Please don't as the death would be slow and agonizing and I wouldn't, as a matter of fact, enjoy witnessing that."

"I feel reduced to that bottle of extremely old sherry that has been sitting in the depths of your cabinet for centuries, I'll have you all know. If you lot are here just for the lethality of what's inside of me at least make me feel more precious. Like an expensive red wine."

[a-bottomless-curse]

💕 !

fina's love calculator || accepting!

Kayden O'Connell & Heysel: 91%

Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Kayden O'Connell and Heysel has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship. Remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc.

"Well Heysel dear, it appears that Fina didn't enjoy my hiding of my last name! But I do believe that talking and spending time with each other is one of our strong suits, wouldn't you agree?"

[a-bottomless-curse]

“If the lady would like a kiss on this day, I would be happy to oblige.” (From Alfred)

“Oh my, so polite Alfred.” She sometimes forgot how polite he could be, especially after going through the night of a Hunt with him. What politeness could possibly be needed with beast - the kind that would rather chew ones’ face off than sit still - much them those of human-form who have descended into madness where all words loose their meaning? She had no idea, but it did bring a soft, teasing chuckle out of her lips as ocean eyes looked up at him with some slight mischief in their depths.

Resting one hand on his chest, her lips curved in a smile, coy yet genuine, as she looked up to meet his gaze. “The lady would indeed like a kiss from the gentleman,” that mischief which lurked in the depths of her eyes could be seen more clearly, “And perhaps to either be swept off her feet, or to receive more than one.” Gluttonous? Possibly. But at least she knew what she wanted and was not afraid to speak up to get it.

Leaning on her tiptoes, she pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, “If I may be so bold as to ask for the gentleman's’ indulgence of my wishes, of course.”

[a-bottomless-curse]

'Are you alright? I apologise for Yharnam and their less than friendly folks.' ~ bloodblxnd

@bloodblxnd There is a faint air of cold about her, though not towards the sneer and stares, the words spoken only just loud enough for her to hear, as if the people of Yharnam dare her to speak up about what she hears hissed about her between them. Perhaps they would accuse her of eavesdropping on their conversations, and such a temptation it is to react to the harsh words that sting like paper cuts. Not that she will, not like she might have when she first arrived in Yharnam; tired, aching, desperate for cure for her illness, for a spine and nerves that worked properly. Desperate enough to sign a deal detailing entrails and blood spilled, of heavy incense candles and bundles to ward off beasts, and cold steel for those that are not scared away. Instead, she simply kept her eyes forward, the gossip and glares no longer capable of truly affecting her (save for few moments, those when she is at her weakest, though luckily such a moment did not affect her now), even as she ignored the spit on her boot. At the sound of the gentleman's' voice, Kayden turned to him, a crescent moon smile on her lips. "Ah, it's alright. I have grown quite used to it, and their words hardly bother me anymore." As she leaned against her cane, her Hunter leather were mostly missing, though the gloves and coat remained on her body, the need for some kind of protection against the forces of the City always near in her mind, the hairs on the back of her neck rose while goosebumps ran across her arms when she thought about leaving her home without any protection. Of course, in the sunlit hours there was no fear that beasts would arise, but the cold, jagged geometry, the ice within the veins of others and the near constant snow were threats enough to warrant the hunters' coat and gloves. Though her hair was braided for the day, instead of being tightly bound under her hat, which meant that she was unable to tip her hat to Gascoigne like she normally would if she approached during the night. Even so, her stance remained fluid and calm as she looks him up an down, a silvery-gold glint to her eyes as more warmth seeped into her smile. "Besides, I find that the more I pay attention to the pleasant folks I've met here, the less bothered I am by the less than friendly folk here. But to answer your question, I am perfectly alright in truth! These boots have seen enough of beasts slobber and blood that a little spit won't harm them." Given the lack of her hat, she instead tipped her head towards him, "How are you this day, Gascoigne? Enjoying the sunlight?"

[a-bottomless-curse]

Well, she may as well join in on the fun while it lasts. With her coat completely unbuttoned, she leans back and undoes the buttons on the top part of her shirt to reveal part of her sternum.

[a-bottomless-curse]

for the headcanons: kayden & lady maria!

Heysel-Mun I love you, thank you for letting me ramble about this.

When Kayden first joined the Hunters, it was before the Fishing Hamlet had been raided, and so she got to first experience Maria as what she was like before that incident happened. She admired Maria heavily, from her skill in battle to her sharp mind, Kayden saw Maria, from the very first moment, as a woman of hidden depth and an equal. When she felt ready, she approached Maria in the hopes of forming a friendship with her. Now, her reasons were many, but they stemmed from those emotions of respect. She trusted Maria on the field, and so she thought that it would make sense to learn from her, both in sparring, and in talking about whatever came to mind. Through Maria, she was able to gain a better understanding of Yharnam and the people.

Even so, after the Fishing Hamlet, she noticed quickly that there was something off about Maria. As tied to the sea as she is, Kayden could smell the scent of sea salt, and she watched as someone who had grown to trust, who she admired and respected, who she viewed as a friend, fell into the pit of sorrow and madness that seemed to be the core of the rot spreading throughout the city.

When Kayden found Maria in the Nightmare, many things clicked into place; her disappearance from the Workshop, her guilt over what had happened after the excursion, and that the core secret of Yharnam was the key to understanding everything. But more than that...Kayden saw her friend, lonely, sorrowful, and willing to last as long as she was needed in the Nightmare. In the end, her duel with Maria was one that reflected those emotions; it was a dance to the death between two friends, how could it be anything other than sorrowful, both knowing the other would continue on until the permanent death of one. One ever seeking, the other a watchful guard. In the end, the death Kayden delivered was one that she tried to make gentle, holding Maria close as her life faded, till not even the Nightmare could keep Maria alive.

Maria’s death was the freshest when she sought out the Orphan, wanting to make sure that her friends death wasn’t in vain.

[a-bottomless-curse]

@derjaegermond said: Helena with her claws, teeth and gleaming animal gaze, "Something on your mind?"

Kayden, with the biggest of wistfully wanting sighs, “Oh well now that’s just not fair Helena. But..... yes, many things, of which I will not share some.” A brief pause, a cheeky grin to follow, “Do the claws help when it comes to playing with hair though?”

[a-bottomless-curse]

"I think hiding yourself from a world that hardly deserves you is more than fair." With a careful hand he lifts up the corner of her veil, leaning closer until his nose brushes her own before letting it fall once more. He shifts closer to her on the bench they share until the distance between them has all but disappeared entirely, his thigh warm against her own and a his hand a steady weight on her knee. For a long, long moment, he simply looks. He takes in the face of his friend with tattered eyes, admires the woman she's become and peers deeply into the shards of broken glass her own eyes seem to have become, before breaking the quiet. "I just hope you don't mind a bit of company if the rest of the world seems too loud at times." He pulls away slowly, though the closeness remains even after his face pulls away, the hand on her knee squeezing gently.

A soft hum, muffled by the satin and lace draped over her face can be heard, though it ends at swiftly as it had begun when the corner of her veil is lifted, a minutia of surprise in her expression before her nose scrunches slightly as she tries to keep from laughing. The warmth radiating from him has her shuffle closer, one hand gently holding onto his arm as she shifts slightly to face him more easily. Insight had taken its toll on her eyes once more, only this time, they had not faded in the light of the sunrise and the cracks were as visible as they were in the late hours of the hunt.

“A world that hardly deserves me?” Her voice is low, as if murmuring secrets unfit for any other passing ears to hear. Lips curl upwards in a smile, a gently squeeze to his arm as laugh bubbles out of her for a second. “If anything, my dear Brom, you are more than welcome to join me under the veil when the world is too loud, does not deserve you as it often does not, or simply if you wish for some shade. I am happy to share with you.”

Her other moves to find it’s rest on top of his own on her thigh, her thumb rubbing small circles on the back of his hand as she allows herself to chuckle. “Although I think we have to find some way to make it easier for join me in the shade. As long as my veil is, I can’t imagine bending over so often will be pleasant for you in long run.” Her smile turns coy as a flash of mischief passes through her eyes, “Perhaps I’ll sit on your lap more, that might make it a bit easier for you join me, wouldn’t you say?”