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#cats#frogs#blog#frog#write#blogstuff#writeblogstuff#tumblr artists#artists on tumblr#anyone can blog#write about your day#blog about your mood#blog about your life#past#present#future#frog blog#satire#parody#copycat
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#cottagecore#nature#naturecore#flowers#I’ve exceeded my daily posting limit so I can’t answer any of your asks#I’ve been saving drafts after draft#but yeah#didn’t know tumblr was this weird about weed#haha you should see my inbox. weed anon is having the time of their lives with this attention#perceived attention* I should say (cus no one cares about this)#and I’m in a giving mood#my aim with this blog is after all to make ppl feel good and escape their lives#after all#flowercore#warmcore#look at the fawn btw !! CUUUTE#I’m having a really good night tonight btw#good food and a movie#deer#fawns#animals#books#ethereal#fairy#fairy aesthetic#fairycore#angelcore
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This will be my single controversial rant about Gladiator and its sequel (specifically my thoughts on Maximus being retconned as Lucius' father), and then I will be silent on the matter because this blog is meant to be A Good Time and I just enjoy sharing my love for Gladiator with everyone on here :)
KIND OF SPOILERS FOR GLADIATOR AND THE SEQUEL (BUT NOT REALLY) BELOW
As everyone knows, Ridley Scott made the choice to reveal in Gladiator 2 that Lucius is actually the son of Maximus from a secret affair with Lucilla. In G2, it's apparently implied that Lucilla was trapped in a bad marriage, fell in love with Maximus, and kept the truth about Lucius' father a secret. Lots of viewers have been split about this, with some thinking that plot point was implied in Gladiator and others feeling that it contradicts what was established in Gladiator.
I am strongly of the opinion that this choice was a bad one, that it does interfere with the integrity of the original film, and that Gladiator 2 would have been much better without that change. I'll give my reasons below.
1. Yes, rewriting Maximus as a cheater does destroy his entire character arc in Gladiator.
We've all seen Gladiator, right? The one where the hero has everything life can offer but longs only to return home to be with his beloved wife and son? Carries their figurines with him into battle, cares only for them when his own life is threatened, lays down to die by their graves after he finds them dead? Spends the whole movie only wanting to meet them again in the afterlife and only gets peace once he's there.
Yeah. Apparently that guy cheated on his wife with a princess. His son and Lucilla's sons are the same age, which means Maximus would have to have been married to his wife while also sleeping with Lucilla.
Maximus' entire character arc relies on his pure, unconditional, self-sacrificial love for his family. Take that away, and you have a generic action movie about a guy who wants revenge because the Emperor tried to kill him once. Even when Maximus has lost everything inside himself and cares about nothing else, he still honors the memory of his family and fights to avenge them as well as join them. He is shown still talking to his wife in the afterlife through prayer and believing she can hear him. As @streets-in-paradise pointed out, it's the equivalent of having Aragon or Hector of Troy cheat on their wives — it's just painfully out of character for them.
There's also an element of Maximus' love and respect for his Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, another driving force in his characterization. I think Maximus has too much respect for Marcus to have had an affair with Marcus' married daughter, even if he knew Marcus maybe would have wished Maximus had married Lucilla. We never get much insight into that part of the past, but if we go by the virtues Maximus upholds throughout the movie, I just don't think Maximus would have considered sneaking behind Marcus' back to sleep with his daughter.
Either way, the emotional heart of Maximus' character is his love for his family, and retconning that so your sequel has a "bigger emotional impact" is nothing short of undignified and sloppy.
2. All the conversations between Maximus and Lucilla in Gladiator imply that they did have a romantic relationship — but that it was public (not clandestine) and took place before either of them were married.
Yes, Maximus and Lucilla definitely were in love at some point. Russell Crowe and Connie Nielsen have great chemistry, and their conversations (both of them) hold so much weight with "what could have been." Lucilla talks about how she wounded Maximus deeply as he did her, and their conversations are full of things like, "Is it so terrible seeing me again?" The weight of their previous emotional attachment pervades the movie in a way that is inextricable from the plot.
BUT. Maximus and Lucilla had their relationship A LONG TIME AGO. This is very clearly established by the way they talk to each other. Maximus has been in Germania for twelve years (taking breaks only to go home, but NEVER to visit Rome). He and Lucilla presumably met sometime before that, probably while the royal family was visiting some city where Maximus was serving in / commanding the army. The details are never established.
However, Maximus and Lucilla clearly had a public enough relationship that Marcus and Commodus knew about it, but there is never the slightest mention in Gladiator that Lucius might be Maximus' son — something Commodus surely would have exploited had he known it was a possibility.
Maximus and Lucilla were in love, but it was before they married other people. They were probably teenagers or young adults who fell madly in love, wanted to marry, but were stopped for whatever reason (probably Maximus not wanting to play politician's games, as he implies). Maximus met the woman he eventually married, Lucilla married Lucius Verus, and they carried on with their lives until they met again at the beginning of Gladiator.
Also, Maximus talks about the respect he had for Lucilla's husband (a far cry from what Gladiator 2 implies about Lucius Verus), and she talks about how she mourned Maximus' family. Sure, you can read into the script and find stuff about how Maximus could have been Lucius' father, but it explicitly goes against the values and implications of the overall acript.
Connie Nielsen stated that she played her scenes thinking that Maximus was Lucius' father. She's an actress, and she plays Lucilla brilliantly. But she's not the scriptwriter, and no matter what her intentions were, the script implies that their relationship took place much longer ago, before either of them were married. @becomelions made a great post about how Lucilla, too, can wish as much as she wants that Maximus was Lucius' father, but he couldn't have been. Not unless you retcon all of Gladiator as fanfiction.
3. Maximus' relationships with Lucilla and Lucius are not meant to replace those he had with his wife and son — they are meant to be reflections of some of the bigger themes of the film.
With all that said, this is not a hate post about how Gladiator should have been about Maximus and his wife and son, and how I hate Lucilla and Lucius' story and think it contradicts that blah blah blah. NO. The storyline with Lucilla, Lucius, and Maximus is one of the strong points of the whole movie — but not as a replacement for the family he has lost.
In a lot of ways, Lucilla represents Rome as the ideal Maximus always believed in: beautiful, noble, and proud. When he becomes disillusioned with Rome, he becomes disillusioned with Lucilla; when he starts to believe in the hope of Rome again, he starts to believe in Lucilla again. They're always linked. Lucilla is not the woman he wants to start over with and marry now that his wife is gone. She is an old friend and ally whom he eventually learns to trust again.
Lucius, on the other hand, represents what Rome can be again. Lucius is the grandson of Marcus Aurelius, and I think Maximus longs to honor his mentor by preserving the life of his last living heir. Lucius reminds Maximus of his son, yes, and he brings out the protectiveness and the desire to do for Lucius what he couldn't do for his own son. But that doesn't mean Lucius has to be his son for that relationship to have emotional impact, as I will explain further in point 5.
4. Maximus' relationships with Lucilla and Lucius are genuinely integral to the film, but as they are — not as what they could be.
Again, I absolutely love the dynamics between Maximus, Lucilla, and Lucius throughout Gladiator. Russell and Connie play off each other so well with those "I remember how you used to be but that was a long time ago" vibes. Russell and Spencer Treat Clark only share one scene, but it's one of the film's most memorable scenes.
However, we are not meant to question those relationships as "oooooh but what if Lucius is actually Maximus' son????" Maybe Ridley left that door open for the audience to consider, but again, I feel like the film contradicts that by implying that Lucilla and Maximus loved each other much longer ago.
When you make Lucius Maximus' son, Lucilla's seeking out of Maximus as his savior becomes less interesting. It becomes "I'm calling on you to save your son even though you don't know he's your son" instead of "I'm asking you to act out of the goodness inside you to save a boy who doesn't deserve to die any more than your own son did." The version we see in Gladiator is so much more impactful.
It also cheapens what Lucius' journey could have been in Gladiator 2! Again, @streets-in-paradise pointed out how much better the sequel could have been if Lucius had been acting in the shadow of a brilliant man who captivated the city of Rome but also was his friend for a little while. As I'll discuss in point 6, having the reveal of Lucius as Maximus' son is just the laziest possible route for a sequel, and it certainly drags down the dignity of the relationships we see in Gladiator.
5. One of the strengths of Maximus' choice to fight for Lucius' survival in Gladiator lies in the fact that he doesn't have any familial obligation to him.
This is one of my favorite points, because I do love the dynamics between Maximus and little Lucius! Maximus has a bone-deep obligation to save his family — he rides for days and nights to get home and save them, but he misses them by a matter of hours. He wrestles with guilt and misery because he feels like he failed them. He was supposed to be their protector, and he couldn't save them.
BUT. Maximus has no such blood ties to Lucius. This kid is the son of Maximus' ex, the grandson of Maximus' dead mentor, and the nephew of his most hated enemy. Maximus doesn't have an obligation to Lucius as his father: he doesn't even know him until Lucius approaches him in the arena.
And that's what makes his decision to fight for Lucius so powerful. Maximus sees Lucius as the hope of Rome, and he decides that's still worth fighting for — something he had given up on before. Even though he has no obligation to save Lucius as his son, he wants to save him as an innocent young boy caught in political matters over his head.
Again, making Lucius Maximus' son cheapens the impact of that decision. Ridley Scott built up so many amazing plot points and relationships, and it really disappoints me that he just cast them aside to make some easy money by relying on the success of the original.
6. Relying on such a trite, overused plot point to make up the emotional foundation of your sequel can only weaken your sequel and ruin the dignity of your original film.
My final point is simply that Gladiator 2 could have been really well done. They could have done something original with it (or something totally off-the-wall like Russell Crowe's vision LOL). But I think Ridley Scott was banking on that nostalgia factor, and he chose a plot point that he knew would be easily marketable — the hero of the second film is the hero of the first film.
We've seen it done literally hundreds of times, from Star Wars to Superman to Toy Story, and having that be the big reveal of Gladiator 2 is just lazy writing. To have Lucius trying to live up to the legacy of Maximus the hero would have been interesting. To have Lucius discover that he's the son of literally anyone else would have been interesting. To have Lucius discover that he's the son of Maximus is an eye-roll-inducing move that should have been trailer bait and nothing more.
Primarily! Because it can't be the emotional foundation of the movie! Lucius has to have his own journey if it's his movie; he can't just walk in Maximus' footsteps and be like, "Father, speak to me," if he's not going on his own individual emotional journey. We as the audience have to relate to our hero because he's our hero, not because he's the son of our hero.
I'll be honest — I probably wouldn't go see a sequel to Gladiator no matter what it was about because I think Gladiator is a perfect standalone movie and should have stayed that way. I just don't think you can recreate the scale and impact and simplicity of Gladiator in today's film industry.
However, I could at least have had respect for a sequel to Gladiator if Ridley Scott had shown some respect for his own movie. I just hate the fact that Maximus' noble, honorable character is reduced to a cheating husband whose only character trait of note is that he served Rome. Maximus is one of the best characters of the 21st century, and I love him too much to support a movie that trashes that legacy (as well as tries to replicate the beauty of my favorite film of all time).
Final thoughts:
Gladiator is a movie. You can read into it whatever you want, and it doesn't hurt anyone.
I love Gladiator more than I can say, and it's really important to me not just as a cultural icon but on a personal level as well.
Anyone who knows this blog knows how much I love Maximus Decimus Meridius, and Ridley's choice to change Maximus' character so drastically is one that really just ticks me off.
To me personally, Gladiator 2 is not canon, and I will never consider it so on this blog.
#i woke up this morning and chose literary analysis#i've been drafting this forever but now it's coming to your dashboard#enjoy my passionate defense of gladiator and maximus#as always this is not a hate post for anyone who enjoyed gladiator 2#this is my reasoning for why i won't consider it canon#but like i said this is my one contoversial post and i'm now done talking about it#except maybe in a few tags if i'm in a feisty mood#this is a happy blog where i come to obsess over maximus and gladiator and russell crowe's other movies#anyway thanks for reading if you read it#it's a monster of an analysis and i wrote it in an hour#probably not gonna look at it again either because i don't want to think about it#gladiator#text posts#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe#connie nielsen#lucilla#lucius verus#ridley scott
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the thing they don't tell you about most mlm romance books is that they fucking suck ass
#thinking about like. rw&rb. anything by that author that wrote boyfriend material. most anything on kdp. only one i fw was ari and dante but#even then the random transphobia at the end gave a real bad taste in my mouth#im just in a hater mood rn ignore this unless youre also a hater#but anyways that boyfriend material and the sequel husband material books fucking suck so bad#couldnt even finish the second one#felt like it was trying to make a comment on the queer community but in the most lame and het conformist way possible#literally having a boring lawyer character being like ' i dont feel represented by this#when hes talking about a rainbow decorated gay bar#like ok whatever man but why do we care? why is the author trying to moralize this? why does teh prose suck and why is so much casual#bigotry against welsh people in these books#like fr they call out british bigotry against the irish and then turn around#and every welsh character is bumbling idiot with no personality besides being an idiot and talking about being welsh#like. hello???#also i keep adding to these tags but anyways the author also tried to like#make the main character out to be the bad guy?? when his ex boyfriend exposed all his secrets to the press??#and the author like. portrayed the mc as the bad guy for being upset?? like that is what the second book is about???#its so stupid and victim blamely and utterly lame like these books are so uninspired and feel like the author was just. idk???#also dont get me started on how much i hated rw&rb and finished it#i think i have a post somwhere on this blog abtout it
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I love Paris. "But he abandoned Oenone-" I do not care
#Tam rambles#Tagamemnon#Paris supremacy I love him#Could not care LESS about her#Sorry#He's pathetic and that's what makes him neat#Argue w/ the wall#Like yes#That was REALLY shitty#But at the same time he's so silly how can I not love him 😔#Edit: so I think I made someone feel mocked with this post??#Because in the tags I put something alluding to a post they made about Oenone that I lowkey disagreed with#If that person is somehow scrolling threw my blog rn I'm so sorry you felt mocked I genuinely did not mean it that way :'D#It was really meant as a sarcastic lil comment and wasn't really about you but people in general who think that#I just kinda worded it in a way that you said it in one of your posts#Again super sorry that I made you feel mocked I feel so shitty :'DDD I really meant no ill intent#Probably should've worded it a bit better though#aUGHHH now I'm in a bad mood goodnight everyone
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Lol jsyk if you've ever been niceys in my asks or messages my therapist n I have probably gone yayyyy over it together, she thinks all your kittycats are so so cute n that the majority of you are so so sweet ^_^ <3 !!!
#obviously. i dont show her the blog names lmao#but she is very sweet n likes knowing people are kind to me bc thats good apparently#also to the cool person who sent me mushrooms in my asks. HI HI we fuckin loved the photos n feel free to pop in whenever youre so cool !!!#usually talk about lotsa stuff with her ^_^ currently we focused on anons a bit since theres a real annoyin person in my asks still lmao#comin to the conclusion its someone whose become bitter and is trying to sour up my mood ^_^ honestly just makes me wish the best for them#but also. booooo boooo tomato tomato i literally get paranoic boooo tomato tomato dont be so stalkery booooo#xochimilli speaks
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allow me to get yaoiful about the canadian tennis curse real quick. anyways. possible correlation between the downfall of denis’ career and whatever messy breakup he and felix had. when was the last time we had proof of them being besties. back when denis was doing well. coincidence?? also, what even happened there. because felix in those atp youtube videos always says ‘MY GOOD FRIEND denis shapovalov’ etc etc. he always always says my good friend. even like a month ago or whenever the last time he was in atp video was. but then, denis does not give him the time of day it seems. like what is that about. anyways, if they played doubles together again (rogers cup pleaseeee for the home crowd 🙏) i think denis would be back on the rise. and post
#only like. 15% serious about any of this#but i would like to see them do doubles again#but denis. dont you remember sleeping in felix’s basement in montreal and ripping down his rafa poster#and then BEATING rafa the next day??#not that i expect someone to stay besties with their friend from when they were 16#but in tennis world that is kind of the norm tbh due to the nature of the tour etc#but yes. is it not bizarre that denis isnt inviting felix to his wedding? i think its strange. that’s ur guy…#tennis#shapo#felix#idk i guess im in a denis mood today i seem to be blogging about him a lot#i mean he played and lost today but still#1:45am time to think about denis and felix really really hard again for the millionth time#sooo it turns out your childhood fav player is going to stick with you forever. who knew#especially especially if they represent your country
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the agony of enjoying MULTIPLE THINGS AT ONCE. How do people do it….
#part of me is like. ok is it actually the best move to just have separate sideblogs for every interest#cause I always feel weird and insecure abt being a multifandom blog. For some reason#I’m like aaa I’ll annoy people if I post things they’re not interested in! :( they’ll be disappointed in or frustrated in me!#and then the evil (read:normal) Kermit side of me is like girl it’s not that serious#you are not important enough for ppl to be worked up about your blogging habits lmao#if they’re annoyed they unfollow. swell. neato.#u can trust people to curate their own online experience. It’s not your job to post what they want you just do what you want. on ur own blog#do u follow#Sméagol me: yes ma’am#(I mentally switched to gollum instead of Kermit btw)#gollum me: it’s normal to like more than one thing. good even. and you will go through phases anyway#that’s life silly. You’ll have different moods at different times. and maybe completely different interests in the future#are you gonna make a new blog every time you enjoy something.#your interest are fluid but your identity is rooted in something beyond them. Right#you can just be a person who’s always changing but is also essentially the same. that’s humanity hun. do you understand#Sméagol me: yes#gollum: good#Sméagol: but also what if it’s hard to be friends with someone who has 3–4 interests#gollum: good grief
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fish......
#art#traditional art#watercolour#embroidery thread#oc art#ocs#oc group: unsorted#oc: unnamed#i gotta name him. my guy whos secretly a school of fish pretending to be human#this was another study i made for class along with a few other doodles of this guy. then i got kinda roasted by my TAs lol#wasnt their fault i think they were just tired and stressed. plus theyre like the same age as me. i know what its like being 25 LOL#it did discourage me a lot in the moment because despite the everything about me thats probably apparent both through my blog and irl#i keep my art passions really REALLY closed off irl LOL so at the time i was like just barely stepping my toe out and showing my truth:#that all i do all day is draw dorky oc stuff HDKJSDS i did kinda immediately get called cringe in all but the actual word orz#it was a bummer but i think i feel better about it now. especially because again my TAs are the same age as me or younger than me#and im not gonna let a 25 year old calling me cringe get me in my head HKFSKJFDSd plus again i think they were just stressed and in a mood#because other times theyve been chill even when giving a harsh critiques so it mightve just been like. something in the air#but you know. isnt that a bit of a milestone in its own right. being called cringe in your fine arts class critique <3#but i still like my funny guy from my dream. hes just a normal ass looking guy. who is made of fish :)
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I desperately want to do something here tonight now that work is finally done for the night, especially as I think I'll be gone for most of the weekend. But man, is it meta, is it that first reply that I want to do on this blog (to the ones who know me, they can see this one coming from a mile away), or do I want to chip away at numerous replies/making notes, is this more organizing? Time will tell, let us see what the night brings.
#my mood did such a drop earlier over tiny things. i'm tired. i think it's just fatigue. as much as i love being in this house.#it's so mentally exhausting when my cousin's kids are here. her young one of 4 years old i just a prime example of...#'let me not give a /single/ boundary to my child'. not with food. not with independence. not with the /volume that comes out of him/. jesus#i also would like to crawl out of this dip of a mood please and thank you.#i'm also suddenly actively thinking about making yelan the face of this blog. but i think that's just an urge. guizhong just... /is/ it.#[ out of character. ] don't bend or water it down. don't try to make it logical. rather: follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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you stop shaving as a woman and people just dont know what to call you anymore huh
#you ever get so annoyed that you draw ur irl self instead of your epic swag yass slay pretty sona#i didnt stop shaving for any statement btw it just drains me to do it & i havent been in the mood for months LMAO#i think i'm so used to the comfort of being surrounded by ppl presenting however they want and calling themselves whatever#sometimes i forget how. binary everything still is where i live#note that aint trans btw. i was afab & i dont fully identify as that currently but i have no problem being called a girl#and due to Health Reasons(tm) i get hairier than one would consider 'normal' for a woman (among other things)#(listen we all know gender is a nuanced spectrum but im not in the mood to talk about it in the tags of my own blog lol)#that + short + fat + voice breaks sometimes + mostly wears 'gender neutral' clothing. been mistaken for a prebuscent guy sometimes#(i say 'gender neutral' but its just regular ass baggy shirts and pants/jeans. 💥)#and if y'know me personally youre prolly reading this like 'what'. and yeah thats my reality sometimes LMAO#and im spanish so things are Extra gendered >8'D#i dont even bother explainin my gender to family its just not worth it so i take the she/her and move on#usually i dont talk about these irl things bc whatever but it's starting to irritate me lol#like. do i have to fuckin shave just to not be misgendered. fuckin christ dude#i need to get my yearly haircut btw. i dont like long hair on myself. its getting warm & it makes me sweat i hate it 🧍♂️
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hm. feeling annoying and embarrassing to be around today. dont like that.
#/vent#/personal#pls ignore if you're in a good mood i do Not want to be a bummer#dyou ever like... swing violently between extroverted and introverted??#idk i feel like that's the only way i can explain it#while i'm in an extroverted mood my anxiety makes it feel like i'm on a rollercoaster#like pushing myself onto the ride (being social) is hooorrible but i've learned that it's worth it in the end and i have fun#but then when i swing back to feeling more introverted it's like#suddenly the most dramatic fucking crash#and every interaction i've ever had makes me feel sick to think about#even the good ones somehow#and i'm embarrassed about the fact i exist#like i feel annoying and embarrassing 24/7 even on good days but on bad days it's like it's eating my body from the inside out#wish i had a normal brain hahaaaa#uggh. anyway. sorry for this but what use is a tumblr blog if you don't document your decent into insanity.
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one of those character inspiration memes. sorry i know i’ve never talked about marina for longer than five minutes on this blog but you need to know that she exists and she’s like this and i love her
#marina#yeah i do actually have vtm ocs. she’s giovanni#i don’t talk much about vtm on this blog because it’s just not my area of expertise#as your nwod mutual who makes nwod ocs and runs nwod chronicles#but me and sarah have been talking about our vamps again and it’s got me in some kind of mood!!!!!!!!!#and i love her i love her so much top five mal ttrpg characters in my mind#also no reblogs on this one. not feeling it rn
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I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 😭
#ash rambles 💚#so many shitty takes... too much time on twitter ruins a man#i hear one more person call him a crazy obsessive yandere and i think I'm actually gonna lose it#he's either portrayed like that or as one half of a ship#his actual character is lost on so many people because oOoOOoOOooOoO mInE wAs GaY#i dont doubt that he likes men. it's just that I've seen so many people be weird about it-#also. it's not fucking sexy to wanna kill your partner. a bullet between the eyes isn't an act of love.#I saw a tweet today about how m.ine actually wanted to kill k.iryu because he thought d.aigo liked k.iryu romantically#and m.ine only wants d.aigo to himself. and THAT'S why m.ine wanted to kill k.iryu.#let that sink in. 😐.#i hate how the fandom treats him SO MUCH#i will sit in my corner here. and i will kiss m#m.ine. and we will kiss a lot. and things are good. we are happy. we are far away from all of that.#I'm not saying every fan of his is horrible. I've seen a lot of great stuff and content! but holy shit I've seen some horrible stuff too#and it's hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong by shipping with him. by loving a guy who the world has always hated.#and ofc I'm not! but still! even whenever i rb content of him here I'm always so afraid ajdhajsj#like ah yes this is the day i finally get cancelled on tumblr dot com for (checks notes) ... shipping with y.oshitaka m.ine??#I'm honestly afraid to take him up to being an official f/o ajdhajsb i think he'll stay in crush jail a little while longer..#i hate how the fandom perceives him so much!!!!!!! i also just hate the y.akuza fandom in general lmao#i do also like k.iryu so.. I've seen shit 😐#I'll delete this later but oh boy i am in a mood#and i know this isnt the first time I've blogged about this#and for that i do apologize. but i really do love this guy and despite wanting to look for content of him i always end up finding the most#infuriating shit!#i know he's done fucked up things. he's not a great guy. but! our relationship is built on mutual trust and i will NEVER write any of that#creepy obsessive shit that the stupid fandom always portrays him as doing! he's not going to kill someone for getting too close to me-#I'm just... upset- get behind me honey! I'll shield you!#and by kissing him I'm not brushing over any of the shit he does in the game. yes he beheaded that guy. yeah he slapped that orphan.#but i adore him and omg i hit tag limit... oopsie daisy lol sorry guys 😭 I'm really sorry for always talking abt this#you were beautiful 💸
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i dont write often BUT i am thinking of making a sideblog specifically to post my little blurbs/warmups that im not going to do anything with. also it gives yall a chance to reblog or leave comments if youre not comfortable doing so on ao3 :)
#youd have to go thru my carrd to get to it cause again for very personal reasons i dont want to plaster my writing all over my blog#when i start actually writing the big bro au i might post chapters individually over there#and of course id post little blurbs that dont go anywhere that i dont feel like posting on ao3#i cant promise itll be a ton of content or anything i only write when im struggling with drawing/am in the mood for it#BUT it might be a good place to keep separate from my normal postings#and might be fun to get asks about my writings/have a lil community over there ya know?#idk lemme know your thoughts yall!! i might not do it which is why im doing a poll lol#ego posting
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