#bless my mum for taking financial responsibility

[in-tua-deep]

Made it to the vet with the world’s unhappiest camper!! I’ll tell yall what we find out

[toomuchracket]

girlie worries that she’s not fitting in with the other mums at school because she’s such a career girlie and doesn’t have time to be at the coffee mornings and stuff. She cries to Matty about how she doesn’t think she’s a good mum and he’s having none of it. He suggests inviting some mums and kids round for dinner. And he is just the dilfiest, best host, gorgeous husband ever. Idk which universe but maybe D Word bc Matty being about 10 years older than all the other adults is appealing lol

aww :(( bless you, honestly. like you're there in the playground when you drop your kids off at school/nursery (for the purposes of this ask lyla is in her first year at primary school and alex is at the nursery attached) and when you pick them up. and you and matty try to go to as many of the little events as you can, but it's hard if he's away and you're busy at the office; there's one instance where you really can't take a morning off for a charity coffee morning at the end of the financial year, so you drop lyla off with a donation and some cookies you made together. when you pick her up, though, you feel awful - you were the only mum out of her little friend group that wasn't there that morning. nobody says anything bad at all; lyla was just happy to be eating cakes with her friends lol, and all the other mums are very lovely and understanding and like "you missed a good morning, but it's really no big deal, don't worry!", like genuinely so sweet, but you really worry that you're not fitting in with them properly and how that might affect lyla, and that you're a terrible mum missing out on these moments with your kids because you were at work.

matty gets home from being away recording that night and immediately knows something's up with you, but he doesn't ask what until you've put the kids to bed and started getting ready for your own. he's so tender with you that you just start crying about how guilty you feel about missing the coffee morning, because you think you upset lyla by not being there, and that you feel like a bad mum for missing these moments; matty takes your face in his hands and wipes your tears with his thumbs like "hey, hey, stop, sweetheart, literally none of that is true. firstly, we honestly can't beat ourselves up about missing little things like that - sometimes it's unavoidable, and we make up for it by doing what we can when we can. and our baby wasn't upset in the slightest, really - she listed in detail to me every cake and biscuit she ate, trust me, she had a fucking great day", which makes you laugh a little bit. matty smiles and kisses your head before he says "and as for you thinking you're a bad mum? that's the biggest load of rubbish i've ever heard in my life - you're the best mum in the world, babe. our babies are happy, healthy, loved, loving, caring, intelligent little people, and you're responsible for a massive part of their development into all that - and, of course, responsible for how fucking cute they are. i'm calling dibs on developing their senses of humour, though", and laughs when you wince at the last bit; he softens and says "there's nobody else i'd rather do any of this with, and i am so grateful to you for all of it. it's a joy and a privilege to get to watch you parent, and to do it with you. i love you, sweetheart, i really do. and our kids". you kiss for a little bit and tell him you love him too, before going to bed. when you're lying there spooning, matty's like "i think we should invite some of the other families round, yeah? have a barbecue or something, maybe stop us feeling a bit out of the loop". you agree, and the next morning you send out a text to the families of a few of lyla and alex's friends, who all live like 3 streets away maximum, asking them to come over next saturday.

and it's a perfect day - matty's in his element, being all social and sweet and sexy in his glasto outfit (but slightly more buttoned lol), making sure everyone has enough food and full glasses and the kids are having fun. your babies are running riot with their friends in the sunshine, playing tag and football and whatever else takes their fancy, and you spend the day half swooning over your actual dilf of a husband and half chatting to the other parents and really getting to know them. you're honest about your feelings of guilt, and you're so surprised when literally everyone else is like "we feel the same about our kids and ourselves!" - you feel a lot better, so matty does too, and you all make a little pact to support each other's kids at the events you can go to, to ensure they're all happy even if their parents aren't there. and it's also nice to hear people, after they see matty kiss your head and see you both with your kids, tell you "the way you two are so obviously in love is adorable. beautiful couple, beautiful family. and you're all so chill! it's great"; matty just smirks and pulls you into his side like "thanks, it's all down to my wife. she keeps us all together, she's just the best" ("and the milfiest", he whispers in your ear to make you laugh) <3

[t-am-i-the-asshole]

AITA for not being friendly with my partners daughters now that they've "warmed up" to me

I'm (42) dating Tim (59), a widower. He's in banking, I'm a bartender. I know what it looks like. His 2 daughters thought the same thing, but he's broke as a joke and I've got a trust fund, so actually no.

He's broke because his late wife got cancer. 3 times. He ran up 6 credit cards, 2^(nd) mortgage on the house, cashed out his retirement, everything and anything to get her the treatment she needed and then to get treatment enough to see both daughters married.

His daughters live 6hrs drive away.

We drove to them for Xmas last year and the year before. They ignored me, dragged Tim away when he tried to include me and prevented their husbands from making even small talk with me by talking over me.

Year 1 Tim chastised them, they apologized (to him, not me) They blamed the pain of seeing their Dad with a woman who wasn't their Mum.

Year 2, they did it again.

This year I told Tim not again.

He could go, I would never ask him not to see his daughters for Xmas but I'll stay here.

Tim didn't love the idea because me going with him means we can share the responsibility of driving when his back starts to bother him. (He hates to fly)

His 2010 deathtrap is starting to go anyway, so I leased him a comfy luxury ride (my brother has a dealership)

He called the girls, super excited that he'd be able to see them more often without having to worry about his back,, who then blew up and accused him of spending their Mothers money on a “bull\*\*\*\* house and car to impress some bimbo bartender and didn't offer them a dime for their weddings”

In the ensuing argument it came out that they assumed there had been a life insurance policy, nor did they have any idea about the credit card debt or the 2^(nd) mortgage that the house was underwater on or that Tim was looking at foreclosure and bankruptcy until he moved in with me.

They did not realize it was my house, that he pays no bills save the water bill (man takes excessive showers) and shared groceries.

Now the girls want my number. They are sorry I “felt lonely” at Xmas.

They want to come visit and stay with us next year! Conveniently in summer, I live near a beach.

I've told Tim absolutely not about giving out my number. I'm happy to be polite if they come to visit Tim but, we're not going to be friends. If they had talked to me for even 2 seconds they'd have understood. I am not shy about admitting the only thing I have ever contributed to my blessed financial state is “not developing a crippling coke addiction” like my cousin Danny did.

Tim thinks I'm being too unforgiving. They would have warmed up to me eventually but knowing how generous I am being with their Father has made them warm up quicker.

I maintain I don't care about now or later, they had their chance to not be catty brats over incorrect assumptions that I was taking advantage of him.

[nahalism]

how are you feeling? -

i have been contemplating on moving to france or africa. in my spirit, i feel very happy about it but when i have to think about financial reasons, i panic a little bit. starting everything all over again can be slightly scary.

but i have an aunty who has a stroke. myself and my brother look after. and it feels like we might be ungrateful if we move out and leave her because the extended family believe myself and my brothers have benefited from her(we pay no rent and she took us in like her own)- she’s my mum’s older sister.

i have been doing this since i was 15years. i’m 25. her son lives with us but he doesn’t do so much. (not to be rude) i told my family i want to relocate and they don’t seem so happy, especially my mum and other two brothers. i have three brothers but i live with one and my cousin.

i truly feel so happy and free when i’m in africa. maybe the reason why i want to move to france too is because my mum lives there. but idk, will i be ungrateful to want to relocate?

do you advise to relocate even if you don’t have enough savings? but ofc i’m on a job hunt at the moment (applying in paris and in africa) - a well paying position.

i am partially unemployed (if that’s the right way to say it) i have savings. enough for a good three months but i feel i could do better. i’m so hard on myself right now in terms of not having a stable job. i have a degree in education but sigh it’s been a bit stressful getting a job.

sometimes the voices of people become so loud, which leaves me doubting my own voice and makes me feel like my decision and feelings don’t matter so much. i seek for answers from others when i know the answer is within.

i apologise for having you absorb this.

hey angel. im blessed, ive been going through some life things i cant lie, but all in all have nothing to complain about

dont apologise for asking for another perspective <3. my only concern is that you feel the voices and opinions of others are so strong that you often dont hear your own voice. as such youve almost answered the question for me, because my voice/ my opinion, although objective is still just another voice to consider. the only persons feelings who matter are your own, so the true solution lies in the conclusion you come to when youve had some time and distance from the situation & can contemplate it clearly. ultimately i think you already know what you want to do. youve damn near planned your way to living in africa/paris lol. perhaps you came to me to affirm that choice so you'd feel less guilty making it?

you shouldnt feel guilty. there are so many factors at play here. theres the culture clash of african mentality (communal expectation, and obligation of youth to their elders) and western individualism (living ones own life primarily for ones self). as such the choice boils down to taking on imposed responsibility (against your will/desire and at the cost of your freedom) and having the choice to choose your own path and find joy doing it (yet sometimes this path leads to the illusion of freedom but not the attainment of it)

if ive understood that part correctly then id agree with you in saying its not an easy choice, however it still comes down to the decision you can live with making, not just today, but in the future. i personally have had to make similar choices, and its never as cut and dry as it seems. no one should be forced to carry a burden they dont want to, especially when the option isnt to share the burden (giving you and your brother a chance to live your own lives) but rather to shirk the responsibility entirely on to the two of you. the price for your auntie raising you and sustaining your life shouldn't be servitude to her, it should be the reward of actually getting to live your life. that is how you thank her sacrifice. moreover it was her choice, her sacrifice. not a binding contract. she gave to you because she found it in her heart to. simple as, if you know your grateful, theres nothing left to proove. — she has siblings and family (i assume, from what you wrote) who are enabled to stand on the outskirts because you are carrying the burden of responsibility that they refuse to carry. if they're happy to watch you sacrifice, and let you feel selfish for not doing so, its because you doing what your doing means they dont have to do it. if that is the case — why would they empower you to leave when it would mean more responsibility for them? im not saying this to belittle, or judge them, just to make it clear to you that you should not be listening to them, or their opinions because they dont have your interest at heart.

on the other hand, your auntie does have your interest at heart, (since she raised you). consider your relationship with her and what as an adult, you would like to give her. is that thanks through care & comfort now that she ms the one who needs care, or is it allowing others to step up and care for her (you've taken your turn for the past ten years) and pursuing prospects you wouldn't be able to take on as a carer for her and her situation? this is a decision that should be made out of truth. not guilt and consideration of the past. when your in bed at night in africa or paris, consider if you will sleep easy knowing the decision you made and your reasons for making it. its very possible you moving will allow you to blossom (being away from what sounds like a stressful family situation) and that could bring unforeseen profit to not only you but those you live and care for. perhaps you moving short term, is best for her and your family long term? only you know whats within you. if you aunty still has command of speech its worth sitting with her one on one, discussing what you feel and hearing her thoughts on it. if she can give you her blessing no more really needs to be said and you moving doesn't have to compromise your relationship.

a question that might help you find your answer: is you leaving running away to some extent? is there no way for you to be who you are freely from where you are? what you are, what you feel, the thing that drives you, it finds you wherever you are the world. so just try to ensure your making your choices from a place of understanding, not escape, because you cant outrun or escape whats within you. holidays bring different fantasies than moving.

there are times i chose myself and it paid dividends. to have chosen another would have meant repeating a cycle and i decided that i was here to break the cycle. so i found peace in that choice. there were other times i chose myself only to realise i have no self without those who came before me. staying helped me build and mend, and grow in character & self knowledge. staying was what broke the cycle. it brought peace, harmony and love where there was none.

i know i couldnt give a direct answer, but i know you have what it takes to find the right answer for yourself, and the courage to act on it and excel at whatever you choose. dont let people pressure you. dont let people bully you. live according to what you feel & what you know is right in your heart. sending you my love and big blessings <3:*

[d-rklaw]

This one is delayed

I realised I was overdue for a tumblr 2018 update and it kept bugging me more and more... so now I get a chance to post!

1. Work - finally finished my 2nd year of core training, a process that was thoroughly more enjoyable than 1st year mostly because I’d gotten into the swing of things, and apparently my first year knowledge set me up quite well! I wouldn’t often say this myself, but I think I managed to impress a few of my supervisors along the way which at the time was a huge surprise for me. Obviously there’s a ton of room left for me to improve and I’m still suffering from an insufferable case of impostor syndrome, but I’d say I’m definitely far more comfortable in my oncologist shoes than I ever was before.

1.1. The big move - I’ve been incredibly, amazingly blessed to have met certain mentors along the way who have guided me in the right direction and allowed me to make connections I never could’ve dreamed of making. It all started with a simple question- what should I do for my 3rd year of training? To which my boss replied: would you like to go overseas? After desperately begging my department for leave and flying across the globe for a job interview, I’m still in disbelief that I’ve been given the opportunity to work in Toronto, Canada for 2 years! Most of my international student friends would know that it’s something I’ve always longed for to live overseas, and now that it’s finally happening I can hardly believe it.

2. Relationships - this was a really tough one for me. In the context of being subclinically miserable and oppressed, I did something even more terrible and destroyed my long-term relationship, something I never thought I’d be capable of doing; the shame of it all still makes me shake at times, even though I never managed to shed a single tear. The dramas over the last few months taught me to grow more and depend on myself more than ever before. Things still trigger me at times but I know it’s for the best; I’m grateful that it ever happened, and I wouldn’t be who I am today otherwise.

2.1. DZ - I didn’t expect after finishing up with one relationship to begin pursuing another, but honestly it’s been such a wonderful experience and everything has been a blur - not because I’m pushing for things, but because I’ve been having an amazing time. He’s genuine, loyal, kind-hearted, a creative thinker, adventurous in all the right ways and has just the right amount of quirkiness to keep me interested. It’s incredibly shit timing that I happen to be moving away later this year, but I admire that he’s able to discuss things so matter-of-factly and maturely, and I really, really hope it works out.

3. Friends - I probably say this every year, but the biggest epiphany I’ve had this year is that I’m actually a very social who needs my friends, enough to be able to call them my family. The thing that’s touched me the most is how visceral some of the reactions have been when I tell them I’m moving away - I wonder if people realise how honoured I am to call some of them my friends? Without compartmentalising too much, I’m so grateful for the fact that I seem to have a different friend I can approach for every type of problem - work, life, money, sexuality, family etc. I’m pretty sure I’ll end up some missing life events while I’m away which is a shame, but I’d like to think that by attending 7 weddings in the last 12 months I’ve exhausted my wedding quota for a while!

3.1. Gay friends - I distinctly remember one time in May I had a few of my gay friends over, which was soon after I’d verbally accepted an offer for an interview for the Canadian job, and I already felt sad to be missing these guys in the future. Taking the leap to integrate myself into ACON with other gay Asian men has opened my eyes to another world where a double minority community thrives, in Sydney no less. If only I’d found out about this earlier!

4. Family - nothing major in this department, perhaps aside from the fact that they seem to be even more comfortable with the big gay elephant in the room. When I told them I’d broken up, mum’s response: “you won’t have anyone to help you move overseas now! That’s a shame.” They’ve been extremely supportive about moving to Canada and have even offered to support me financially. Maybe I can use 2019 to try and flesh out some of the other issues / misconceptions from my childhood that led to resentment?

5. Personal growth - most doctors seem to have a hard time defining themselves by anything else other than their career, and it seems like I’ve developed the mindset of someone who couldn’t be any further from that (even though my working hours have been horrific). I’ve taken the time to try out a few new things - yoga, badminton, joining ACON, hip hop dancing, travelling overseas and going to weddings alone, jamming with random people - and I’ve learnt more about myself through all these things.

______

TL;DR - I want to take all the experiences from 2018, both good and not-so-good, and treasure them going forward. Someone asked me once, ‘if you could choose to live at a certain age for the rest of your life, what would you choose?’ I answered - my current age; knowing what I know now and with the experiences I’ve had, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[unravelthesecret]

Two red lines

I’ve always wanted kids. We both do. From the very beginning we both wanted to have our own family and we have agreed on what our ideal family would be like. We’ve spent a long time and over the course of years discussing about parenting and how we would raise our children. I’ve had moments where I couldn’t help but to stare at him with a fluttering heart just thinking, “this will be the father of my babies.”

When my pregnancy test showed a positive result two weeks ago, what hit me instantly wasn’t excitement or pure joy, but a giant wave of fear. I was terrified, to say the least. I clutched the plastic tube on my hand stiffly as I sat frozen on the toilet, still in disbelief. In front of me, my husband jumped around with his fists raised, laughing and crying, and then wrapped me in the biggest hug. He was obviously far happier than me.

Just like the reality of my wedding, my reaction to my own pregnancy was starkly different to what I have always envisioned. There was no sense of achievement or anything. It happened so soon, too soon even. We haven’t done a real proper wedding yet because we’re still waiting for international borders to reopen. I haven’t even decided on a health insurance provider. We were going to wait for next year to have a tiger baby (I didn’t want an ox because it would be like my dad, aka the worst), and it would’ve been perfect timing too because by then we'd be over the 12-month waitlist and the insurance company would be able to cover childbirth. But only one month into the marriage, someone decided to show up. Even though we have been living together for a few years now, I feel like I needed more time to enjoy the single married life. A baby will change our lives forever and it’s honestly really scary.

I'll just be honest here because who am I fooling? I'll never be one of those mums who show nothing but perfectly curated images of motherhood and act as if it is life's greatest gift.

I’m scared of what will come. The excruciating pains that I will have to endure, childbirth and putting my life on the line, the changes in my body and the fact that it will never be the same, and how I will have to make sacrifices for the rest of my life. My pain tolerance is basically zero, just thinking of getting a blood test makes me want to faint. Now I’m supposed to be torn apart so I can deliver a human into the world. And what for? A human that one day will grow to perhaps even hate me. A human that will consume the most of my time, money, and energy. What if I end up being a shit parent and this person will be unhappy and traumatised? What if I’m unable to provide this person with the best of care and they will not grow up into a functional, well-rounded, intelligent person? What about my own personal goals? I won’t even be able to fulfil my own fitness goal that I’ve set up for this year because of this pregnancy. I won’t be able to be selfish because I have a bigger responsibility that I will have to prioritise, whether I like it or not. Nothing will ever be the same anymore and I can feel my world slowly crumble.

I’m six weeks pregnant. It’s still very early but the baby already has a strong little heartbeat. We heard it through the speakers at the OBGYN last week. While it did feel surreal, I still don’t feel pregnant at all. I just feel very tired and sleepy, and I feel nauseous after almost every meal although I hardly ever throw up. There are a lot of things that I can’t eat or do: no raw anything including meat and fish, no soft cheese, no caffeine, and no alcohol. No running, cycling, boxing, or any other remotely rigorous exercise. I had twenty plates of sushi and sashimi just the day before I took the pregnancy test, and now I thought I should’ve had more if I knew it would be my last one for a long time.

I also don’t feel any connection with the baby. I know some women who just automatically act motherly the minute they found out they’re pregnant—the belly rubs, the endless baby talk in a baby voice, even publicly talking to the womb like it’s totally not a weird thing to do. My maternal instincts are very much nonexistent. I don’t feel the need to protect this baby with my life or treat it with some special, tender loving care. It feels strange and unnatural to do so. I still find a lot of pregnant women annoying and I definitely still hate ugly or ill-mannered kids and entitled mothers with their dumb children. I don’t feel the “joy of pregnancy” and I find the pregnant body gross, I don’t understand why people do maternity photoshoots to celebrate looking at their worst. I can’t believe I will eventually blow up into a whale sooner than I thought.

Reading about anything related to pregnancy and babies only freaks me out. There are so many things that you need to prepare and so many different rules to follow, so many things to avoid, and everything is just extremely overwhelming. I was just scrolling through Pinterest last night to look at nursery ideas—something I thought would be relaxing—but I found endless infographics about what to bring in your hospital bag, what your baby needs to survive, all the baby supplies to put in your changing table, what you need for postpartum recovery, different breastfeeding problems and how to solve it, and the list goes on. And they listed about 20 different things for each. It was stressful and overwhelming and it just made me realise how scared and unready I am for this whole thing. Who knew you could break down so bad over Pinterest.

If there is anything positive about this so far, it’s the fact that I’m blessed with the best husband on earth. He wants to have a baby for the longest time and just couldn’t wait to be a dad, and now that I’m pregnant, he’s really happier than ever before. He did all the reading and the hard work, the homework and the field work. He immediately went grocery shopping to buy all the healthy food that is good for pregnancy following his own research on food and vitamins, arranged my OBGYN appointment, looked through insurance plans and hospital packages. He’s been nothing but extremely, extremely supportive, even reassuring me that it’s perfectly fine to feel this way, and that I have nothing to worry about. “I will be with you, and I will look after you and our child for the rest of your lives,” he told me as I had my Pinterest meltdown. “I will do anything and everything for both of you. I’m sorry that I won’t be able to take the physical pain away, but that’s the only thing I can’t do. It’s completely fine and normal to feel depressed and you don’t have to feel bad. But don’t you ever feel like you’re doing this alone because you will never be alone. I’m in this with you. Everything will be all right. We’re going to be great parents, and you will be an amazing mum.”

I was told many times before by different people that there is never a perfect timing to have kids. I’m not ready to give up my life just yet for the sake of motherhood. And yet, all my life I always thought I wanted this. I thought we’re both emotionally, physically, and financially ready. There were too many times where I felt so clucky and that my biological clock was ticking. Now that I am faced with the reality, I feel like running away. But when the people around me are having so much trouble to conceive, wouldn’t that make me the most selfish and ungrateful bitch to not want this pregnancy to happen?

[whatitellmyfriends-blog]

Turning the BIG 40!!!

I can't even believe I had to write the above title! How is it even possible that I am almost 40? How did I get here so fast? What did I think 40 was? What do I think 40 will be? Truth is I never gave it much thought until it was closer in front of me rather than something in a galaxy far far away.  Everyday that passes though here it comes faster and faster!

I get that 40 is just a number, deep down I still feel like an awkward teenager.  Im the one looking around thinking “oh that mom is way older than me, look at all her responsibilities” then “that mom” tell she she's only 34 and I gasp in shock! I hang out with my 26 year old clients and feel like one of the girls mean while Im almost twice their age! denial?..maybe..but i would prefer to say that with a Jamacian accent explaining it is simply a river in Egypt.

40 is something my parents once were, 40 is like real adulting, in your 40′s weird stuff happens to your body, 40 is halfway to 80, 40 is like there is absolutely no excuse to not have your sh*&t together!!! 40 is when I should be able to understand my kids math homework but somedays math homework still has me in tears!!

40 is just a number, bigger than 30 but still just a number..lol..there is nothing wrong with being something my parents once were, truth is everyday I wake up and put my feet on the ground is a great blessing that i give thanks for everyday. Looking back I just never really thought one day I would be where my parents were, but here I am killing it!! lmao! “real adulting” as I like to call it is something I have been doing for quite sometime now, managing my own business for 15 years, being a wife for almost 10, a mom for almost 9, owning our own home and maintaining it well ( minus weeds, weeds don't count they pop up faster than my grey hairs).  We pay bills and taxes on time, have a family calendar and no car alone..lol. 40 is halfway to 80 (dang maybe I'm better in math that i think..hahahahaha) wouldn't it be really awesome to be 80 one day! and Lets be honest I have my sh*t together thats never been a problem!

40 is just this new found stage.  Im not having anymore babies, or planning a wedding (just a big birthday party).  Im not buying my first house or even my first car.  Girls nights are few and far between.  Im not spending $120 on a single digit pair of jeans or even buying sexy bras and underwear (sorry dave lol) There are no more impromptu vacations to far away lands, the gym is so much work now, weight doesn't fall of like it used to, instead hairs pop up in unwanted places and i have to pluck a grey eyebrow here and there(wth??).There are no more weekly playdates with mom groups or long walks through the mall with a sleeping baby.  This new found stage I find myself venturing into has me searching out small babies to have a wee cuddle with, handing them back thankful I have some independent children.  It has me planning a 10th anniversary and big birthday bash.  It has me decorating and picking out furniture for house I am blessed to have that I Love and get to watch my kids grow up in.  It has me walking the aisles of a thrift store relishing in a great deal for a growing family.  I may not be a single digit size anymore but I am thankful everyday for a body that made two beautiful healthy children and allows me to keep up with them everyday, and lets be honest, who needs sexy bras and underwear.  I want comfortable, Id consider it like winning the lottery if I could just find one pair that fit properly.  I mean if they aren't rolling down under my mum tum I have to pull them up so high some weird stuff falls out the sides! Butt wedgies, Vag wedgies! (struggle is real don't deny) Lets not even talk about bras! Seriously ! Th prices for something to hold my boobies! Remember the good old days when boys would do that for free!! hahahahaha!! Now I have to pay like $60 for something that holds my front boobs but does absolutely nothing for my back boobs!! (oh the horror!! shock! gasp!) I never ever feel like the flawless victoria secret model when I put that on! what a scam!!

This stage finds me walking beside girlfriends going thru marriage struggles, divorces, miscarriages, financial stress, job loss, career change.  This season has me realizing I need to set boundaries for healthy relationships, that my health and well being isn't just for me anymore.  I have people under the same roof as me that count on me for their daily needs.  During this season I am most days overwhelmed with laundry and dishes, noticing the dust under the couch, resigned to one piece bathing suits and thinking about eliminating underwear completely to avoid all noted issues above.LMAO! Also I have noticed that when u are in your 40′s its totally an unwritten rule that you never go to a girlfriends house without wine and you never leave without drinking the whole bottle together.  Wine becomes a staple like salt on the dinner table, “and heres mommas wine”.  All of a sudden your drinking daily and its totally acceptable..LMAO.  Girls nights and impromptu vacations have turned into a family calendar that takes up a whole kitchen wall, gigs, events and activities are all written down.  We plan who’s in charge of finding a sitter and when gramma is coming back to us from vacation!! We do our best to squeeze things in , no one sleeps till noon anymore, there is always something to do.  Vacations circle around kids enjoyment and are never restful, but boy they are fun!!

So I have decided to prove to myself that age is just a number I have made a list of 40 things I want to do before I turn 40.  I made my vision board and have started making them happen and it feels so great for the self-care aspect of life.  I mean if we don't look after ourselves how on earth are we supposed to look after others.  This year before I turn 40 I just want to push myself a little bit harder to get to somewhere I have never been before. 40 is coming and it is coming fast!!  I want to make sure that everyday I am blessed with is the best day! that I am living my best life! Wish me luck! if I figure out how to post this, the list will follow..lol!!

[ehentha]

Maldives twitter last week #1

Here are some interesting things Maldivians talked about on twitter last week. A long term collection could be very useful for reflection and analysis. 

 1. @reallynattu creates satirical voting app 

Since this has leaked and people got a glimpse of this super duper top secret extremely sensitive totally legit app we've been working on. So releasing #VoteApp for public use. Tweet your features to add to this. iOS: https://t.co/yZYEepIJ3i Android: https://t.co/8W1jtkTwpz pic.twitter.com/EGbczx12rw

— Nattu (@reallynattu) March 7, 2018

An English translation: 

The top text reads "Voteapp". Next to it is a drop down menu that says "Presidential election". 

Below that the title says "Candidates". Below this the same portrait of current president Abdulla Yameen is displayed five times in a row, giving the voter a wide range of candidates to vote for. 

Below this is the presidents full name, "Yameen Abdul Gayoom". The president doesn't use this version in his campaigning or current activities perhaps to distant himself from his brother Maumoon. Next to this the text reads "The driving force behind the progress that the Maldives is experiencing". 

After this is a section where the voter decides what kind of reward they want for voting. They are given a choice of money (from well wishers), employment (a coordinator position), or a flat from Hulhumale'. In the mockup the voter has chosen money, and the options for collecting it (deposit, cheque, or a letter delivered to your residence) are below. As the voter has selected the first option, a field to enter their account number and reward amount sits next to the Bank of Maldives and Maldives Islamic Bank logos. 

At the very bottom the text reads "press to vote", with the subtext "I swear to god that I won't change my vote". The word used for "my" is "alhugandu", a relic of the Maldivian caste system, which is the self depreciating word one must use for oneself when talking to someone who demands respect; whether it be your elders, a teacher, or certain dictators. The literal translation of "alhu" is slave. 

 2. @paperclippenny and @legacyofpain attend mandatory marriage classes 

Marriage class: https://twitter.com/legacyofpain/status/971438002890203136

"no anal!!" - Marie #marriageclass

— Executive Hobo 🎈 (@legacyofpain) March 7, 2018

Marie seems to be one of their tutors. 

Marie just called genitals "shameful organs". Wow, I call them fun parts. This is bleak. #marriageclass

— Executive Hobo 🎈 (@legacyofpain) March 7, 2018

A word for genitals in Dhivehi is "ladhuvethi gunavan", literally "shameful organ". 

I'm pretending I'm watching a play. This is a haunting one man show about a man who has given up on life and is clutching on to religion because otherwise his life has no meaning. #marriageclass

— Executive Hobo 🎈 (@legacyofpain) March 7, 2018

Fucking hell! He just called us factories #marriageclass

— penny 🎈❓ (@paperclippenny) March 7, 2018

Oh my God so many diseased ladhuvethi gunavan!!! My eyes!!! My beautiful eyes!!!! #marriageclass

— Executive Hobo 🎈 (@legacyofpain) March 7, 2018

This man's wife tried to leave him... Several times #marriageclass

— penny 🎈❓ (@paperclippenny) March 7, 2018

All financial responsibilities on men. No pressure. Eyrun mimeehun gengulheveynee. #marriageclass Seriously dude 😠

— penny 🎈❓ (@paperclippenny) March 7, 2018

I don't think this guy thinks that women have a brain. To me it sounds like this guy thinks that women are just walking wombs. #marriageclass

— Executive Hobo 🎈 (@legacyofpain) March 7, 2018

Please ladies, stay in your marriage. Your guy invested a lot in this venture - marriage teacher #marriageclass

— penny 🎈❓ (@paperclippenny) March 7, 2018

3. Women of Maldives begin campaign to make male dominated tea houses more gender inclusive with #OccupySaiHotaa

It’s happening!!!! #OccupySaiHotaa https://t.co/tn51rHPT5q

— Hamy (@ashahamy) March 8, 2018

What we are trying to is eliminate gender segregated spaces and normalize eating at Sai Hotaa for women. Ultimate goal is for women to be able to do this without the need for ‘gatu’. #OccupySaiHotaa @KeevveMV

— Aryj (@Arrryj) March 8, 2018

"gatu" is the Maldivian slang version of "having the guts". 

Occupy Sai Hotaa https://t.co/njXP4KMwfs

— Aryj (@Arrryj) March 8, 2018

We are at aibalhey #OccupySaiHotaa Our team will be here until 1400PM. So come and join us! pic.twitter.com/9qaPrdNsjo

— Keevve! (@KeevveMV) March 8, 2018

Occupysaihotaa: Anhenverin hotaa thakah! https://t.co/FkTrgatlRz

— Mihaaru (@Mihaarunews) March 8, 2018

The headline reads: Occupysaihotaa: Women (go) to the tea houses! (sai = tea, hotaa = hotel). 

Hi @Mihaarunews, The article states that I was leading the movement, which is inaccurate. The #Keevve movement and #OccupySaiHotaa are both lead by @NihayaAhmed, @ashahamy and me as explained over the phone. Please amend the article to reflect this.

— Aryj (@Arrryj) March 8, 2018

.#TimeIsNow to break the gender stereotypes. Today, on #womensday our team at UNDP joined #OccupySaiHotaa. #IWD2018 pic.twitter.com/HYO9f2c2SB

— UNDP Maldives (@UNDPMaldives) March 8, 2018

Okay, this wins! I think it was @shaari that suggested Dhivehi Keun at Moon Cafe’. Varah salhi. #OccupySaiHotaa #keevve nudhaanvee! pic.twitter.com/oScpQhaRB7

— Hamy (@ashahamy) March 10, 2018

Bill for 8 people!!!!! #OccupySaiHotaa #Keevve @KeevveMV pic.twitter.com/nQK9hCQvDQ

— Hamy (@ashahamy) March 8, 2018

At Moon Café for dinner. #OccupySaiHotaa pic.twitter.com/LZUlxQQma0

— Aryj (@Arrryj) March 10, 2018

Late Nasira was the bravest among us, she initiated #OccupySaiHotaa A true inspiration. May god bless her 💞✨ pic.twitter.com/lr5tdPaZYM

— Yuha Mauroof (@YuhaMauroof) March 9, 2018

We came for lunch to memorial saihotaa & also ordered a Rukuraa as a drink. A man approached to my friend and said "RAAKOLHEH dheebala." Anheneh saiboan ananee raa boan thoa? #keevenaananvee #OccupySaiHotaa #teammemorial #happyWomensDay2018 #InternationalWomensDay @safaathahmed pic.twitter.com/1sNzwPp7tR

— Anthi (@shafaafahmed) March 8, 2018

Seeing #OccupySaiHotaa photos is so heartwarming. The times are a changing indeed. :’) Shoutout to all the men being supportive as well.

— 🎈Nora Nazeer ✨ (@NoraNazeer) March 8, 2018

Me and @rushdhar today occupying a sai hotaa #OccupySaiHotaa #InternationalWomenDay #KeeveNudhaanvee @KeevveMV pic.twitter.com/XULcBtNihB

— Sajidha Mufeed 🇲🇻 (@SaajiMV) March 8, 2018

Ok update: I can feel the stares, hear tiny squeaks here and there. The service however is really nice. Just the testosterone I feel discriminated by. Anhenunnah Sai Hotalehgai fenun dhathi kamakah vany #Keevve #OccupySaiHotaa #IWD2018

— Nihaya 🎈 (@NihayaAhmed) March 8, 2018

If you use the #OccupySaiHotaa and search here you will notice it’s becoming the norm and people are going to Sai Hotaa’s on a daily basis, I myself went tonight with my sisters tonight itself to participate in it and to show my support. It’s already their 2nd time

— Adam Isham (@adamisham) March 11, 2018

4. Some men aren't too happy about it 

Feminism is beautiful. But why occupy sai hotaa? Why not propose separate sai hotas for women? Men need the privacy to talk the "men talk" at saihota. Likewise, women. Issue-based agendas would facilitate women empowerment instead of trying to create a resemblance of men & women

— I l h a m (@ilhaamnil) March 8, 2018

Noannaanu salaamatheh , vaki varakah dho sai hotaa thah hingaa meehun ah keiy vaanee. Miadhu ekani chummi ziyaaratheh kolli kamahtakaa mas dhuvahuge supply huss vejje eh burun!!

— Manih Rasheed (@m3ndu3) March 8, 2018

English translation: "There is no escape, there is only so much that tea house managers will take. (We've?) run out of a months supply just because of one visit!

#SaiHotaOccupied pic.twitter.com/yyLqmcdo2B

— Manih Rasheed (@m3ndu3) March 8, 2018

#OccupySaiHotaa wahhabees ge lagondi akah ketheh nuvi. Keep breaking these rulez. 💪👧❤@KeevveMV @JCIKaafu @Arrryj @siruarts pic.twitter.com/ukYk543QcL

— Aydh (@janavaar) March 9, 2018

Peeing in a bottle: Man’s greatest achievement? This is the best that Salafi propagandist Siru “Arts” could come up with to mock the #OccupySaiHotaa movement.

The black text on top reads:  "This year the women's groups went to the tea houses next year (they'll go) fishing"

The red bottom text reads: “Next year - trying to pee into a thola bottle far away without utilising any devices”

On the bottom left the silhouette peeing is labeled "men" and the female rage comic face is lablled "women". 

Today I've learned a lot. Thanks all who opposed nicely. This needs to move forward. At the same, time addressing other related issues are important. I've already decided to join the #OccupySaiHotaa movement. #twitterlessons

— I l h a m (@ilhaamnil) March 9, 2018

 5. Maldives celebrates International Women's Day 2018

When I first started out as a design student, some of my first design idols were female Maldivian designers. Fast forward to 3+ years of working and I've met more female designers than male. Here's an attempt at documenting our female designers. Feel free to add on.#IWD2018

— Immi Saleem (@immisalym) March 8, 2018

#IWD2018 pic.twitter.com/wsObiM9kg0

— Benefit (@Benefitmv) March 6, 2018

Celebrating the courageous women who stepped up for justice. Aisha @mysticaish is fighting for justice for her brother @yaamyn. Bravo! #WomenStepUp #PressForProgess #IWD2018 #WeAreYaamyn pic.twitter.com/lwFdBcMJ5B

— Mv Democracy Network (@MDN_mv) March 8, 2018

This brave lady Shameema, has an injured spine from being hit by water at high pressure, by @PoliceMv Pepper sprayed daily, she was brutally kicked by a policeman during a peaceful protest even last week & yet she’s on the roads everyday fighting 4 #Democracy#PressforProgress pic.twitter.com/fFDYVtMPan

— MP Rozaina Adam 🎈 (@Roxeyna) March 8, 2018

For @moyameehaa ‘s mum, a woman who’s been asking where her son is for 1307 days, despite inhumane obstructions from the state. #IWD2018

— Shaff Hameed 🎈❔ (@shoffot) March 8, 2018

I want to talk about polygamy, child brides, criminalization of relations outside wedlock, ban on women marrying non-muslims, restrictions on wives to initiate divorce, & lax child maintenance laws. But idiots might come after my head, shouting "dheenatakaa,gaumatakaa"! So happu

— HawwaLubna 🎈❓ (@HawwaLubna) March 8, 2018

The Police raised our home today. They took with them my mother’s old iPad. They can expect to find a lot of pretty crochet designs. #MaldivesInCrisis

— Eva Abdulla 🎈❓ (@evattey) March 8, 2018

These women are my heroes. I hope for the day Maldives will give answers. Their strength in the face of brutality is the best of our humanity. #IWD2018 #FindMoyaMeehaa #WeAreYaamyn pic.twitter.com/bsqd9ZupQU

— Ish 🎈 (@bananatarts) March 8, 2018

We did #OccupySaiHotaa . Adhives dhaanvaane, #Keevve nudhaanvy? @safaathahmed couldn't tag you pic.twitter.com/MVs3icrmUf

— Luj 🌹 (@lujainshujau) March 8, 2018

Just got called a "feminazi". Because I've this weird belief that women's bodies are their own business. It's radical, I know. That's why they liken me & my kind to nazis, because believing in female self-determination is roughly equivalent to genocide. 🙄

— F 🎈❓ (@_faz_) March 8, 2018

This #InternationalWomensDay let’s not forget LGBTIQA Dhivehi women who do not have the privilege of being visible, let alone freedom to be. We exist. Claims of intersectional allegiance fall short of true solidarity when our existence is not acknowledged. #ALLWomen

— Kanbaafaanu ❓🎈 (@Kanbaafaanu) March 8, 2018

6. Maldives telecom company Dhiraagu gives police full access to opposition activist @Thayyib's SIM

Dhiraagu finally admits they gave police access to @Thayyib’s SIM. Even if it was to honour a court order, why did @Dhiraagu not have the basic courtesy to inform the service recipient of this action? Why did it keep issuing vague statements denying the accusation? https://t.co/G5PfGFW1rV

— Mickail Naseem 🎈 (@MickailNaseem) March 8, 2018

Attn: I am going to move my Viber, WhatsApp, Telegram and other communication platforms to my SriLanka number. I am using @Dhiraagu services from 1997 (started from pager) & many times they have violated my privacy. records must be there.

— Thayyib #PN2018 (@thayyib) March 8, 2018

thank you @Google @gmail @Twitter @TwitterSupport @verified @facebook those who wants stop me, may attempt again and more, please protect my accounts.

— Thayyib #PN2018 (@thayyib) March 8, 2018

There was no lawful purpose. Since @Dhiraagu gave @PoliceMv the means to impersonate @thayyib they aided in the commission of a crime: identity fraud. A cloned SIM's real use is not to intercept messages, but to appear to others as the real one, i.e. to commit identity fraud. pic.twitter.com/PF06AOeNLO

— Maumoon Hameed (@maanhameed) March 8, 2018

A sad day, but I see NO other option than to quit @Dhiraagu after 19 years. I wonder why @dhiraagu did NOT appeal like @Apple did on maintaining customers’ trust & their integrity.. Especially knowing the Corruption Index Level of our State.@Mirshan :(@OoredooMaldives :)

— Ashraf Ayu (@Ashraf_Ayu) March 8, 2018

What @Dhiraagu did was a crime of the same magnitude as issuing an ID Card/Passport bearing @thayyib‘s photo & particulars for someone else to impersonate him. What an institutionalized criminal activity!#SIMcloningCompany pic.twitter.com/1fWj6GyEh6

— Imthiyaz Fahmy (@Imthiyazfahmy) March 8, 2018

More next week!

[graciouslittlethings]

The Story of a Girl with a Very Common Name

I have never really liked my name. To say that I hated it would be an overstatement, but I certainly wished that my parents had given me a different name.

Here’s what having a name like Grace feels like:

1. Call out, "Grace!!!" in a crowd and you'd get at least three responses. (Or more.)

2. Take a drive downtown and you would definitely see "Grace Florist" or "Grace Fashion" or "Grace Cake House".

3. Be prepared to hear (for the hundredth time), “jokes” which go, “Hey, are you the owner of Grace Bridal? Wow, it’s a huge shop, you’re a big boss!”

4. Fall down and steel yourself for...“Oh dear, I thought you were supposed to be grace-ful.”

5. In times of disgrace (pun unintended, do you see my point now?!), it seemed that having such a name was just too much responsibility. One just couldn’t be full of grace and sweetness all the time!

Anyway, it was just a phase of my life and as time went by, it ceased to bother me as much. Having a common name definitely wasn't a major issue that led to self-esteem problems, but it certainly was an irritation at times. 

Why did my parents choose to name me ‘Grace’?

For some reason, I never asked them this question, maybe because, you know, Asian family. Haha. We don't talk about such things. There are other more pressing matters to discuss like, “What grades did you achieve in college?” and “When are you getting promoted?” (roll eyes) 

Anyway, like I said, this matter wasn’t crucial to me. It was a mild annoyance but it didn’t bother me enough to want to query my parents. Besides, I’d come to assume that since we were Christians, it was normal that my parents would give me a name which had some Christian connotation to it. Even if you're not a Christian, you'd probably have heard phrases like "the grace of God" or "receiving God's grace". Also, there are probably thousands of churches named "Grace Church" (sigh), so even if you don't really understand what the word means, you'd know that it holds some sort of meaning to Christians.

Over the years, I’d become quite desensitised to it because, you know, when you hear your name thrown about in church on a weekly basis, you don’t think very much of it. As is always the case, life tends to rumble along rather uneventfully until something happens, which makes you change your perspective or become more aware.

Some people call it “a wakeup call” or “an eye-opener”.  

For me, it was when I became a mother.

Most of you know my story. I gave up my corporate career in order to be the primary caregiver to my kids. There is nothing unusual about this story. It’s also the story of many mothers out there and it could even be your story too.

Then, things started to get interesting. I decided to start up a small business and that changed the course of my life substantially. It was as if I’d been driving on a smooth and predictable highway then suddenly, decided to make an exit and use less straightforward roads, perhaps even difficult-to-drive-on roads.

Starting a business is incredibly interesting. For starters, you lose that sense of security which comes from having a monthly salary deposited into your bank account. Also, there is no more defined career path for you to work towards – you pretty much forge your own way. Then, there is the part where every decision, no matter how tiny, can have a huge impact on the business continuity and it is unnerving. I’ve come to greatly respect entrepreneurs and business owners because I can now better understand now the challenges they went through and the tenacity required in order to succeed.  

But, that wasn’t my biggest realisation.

Instead, I have realised that I can work very hard and diligently, but it would be rather conceited to think that whatever achievements I’ve had in life – financial, personal, or career-wise ��� is solely a result of my own efforts or intellect. Undeniably, effort and attitude play a huge part but there is always that other party whom we owe our success to.

It has been 2 years since I left my somewhat cushy corporate job and I wouldn’t be here today if it were not for these people who have crossed my path. Nobody owes me anything and every act of goodness towards me is an act of kindness and generosity. 

Was it because I am 100% deserving of their help?

I can assure you not. I have many failing and weaknesses, but the benevolence of these people who are willing to overlook those weaknesses and lend a helping hand, is a clear sign of something bigger at work.

It is a sign of grace.

And so I now see so clearly how I have been blessed with so much grace in this humble life of mine.

I see it in the eyes of people who barely know me, yet try to help me to get to the next step. I feel it when someone shows their sincere support in my endeavours. I sense it when people try to tell me what they think I should do to be better, even if it’s not what I want to hear. 

From disliking my name, I have come a long way to seeing its beauty of this word and I am incredibly grateful and thankful for it. Grace is generosity, compassion, kindness, mercy, forgiveness and so many other beautiful things rolled into one.

At last, I am beginning to comprehend the meaning of my name.

As an ex-expatriate and management consultant in an international firm, Grace was a career-minded woman on a fast-track path in the corporate world. The birth of her first child changed her perspectives in entirety, and she made the life-changing decision of becoming a stay-at-home mum. In addition to being one of Malaysia’s top digital influencers on Nuffnang’s Bloggerati list, she is a Dr. Sears Certified Health Coach and also runs children-related businesses (links available below).

- Facebook: facebook.com/graciouslittlethings

- Instagram / Dayre: @graciouslittlethings

- Blogger Engagements: grace@bloggerati.me

- Shop Little Baby Grains: www.littlebabygrains.com

- Shop Petite Troopers: www.petitetroopers.com

[micah-the-mango]

Studies Come First... Or Is It?

21 January 2019

"But studies come first, right?"

Many people use this phrase when one decides to put something else over their studies. Yes, studies are important and it should be one of our top priorities when we are schooling. People would normally use this phrase whenever someone decides to focus on their passions which may not be related to their academics. Disclaimer alert, I am not implying that students should give up their passions just to get perfect grades. I do however, believe in work balance.

I will always remembered this one occurence when a friend of mine chose to work over the weekend instead of studying for her test. In response, another friend replied "But studies comes first, right?"

For a moment, the friend who chose to work, paused and did not reply. She chose to glance at me and at that moment, though there was no words being exchanged, we both reached a mutual non verbal agreement.

"Studies does not come first if you have no pocket money." was her reply.

That faithful incident in the School of Applied Science had hit home. It was an incident that had etched upon my mind that even up till now, the mutual understanding shared with my friend remained vivid in my mind.

Most importantly, it made me wonder, "Does studies come first in the perspective of a student with a financially unstable background?"

To some students who fall in this category, maybe yes, because they see the importance of doing well in their academics so that they could get a good job in the future. It gives them this assurance and hope that doors will be open. That is true and I've known classmates who don't come from a financially stable backgrounds and have done excelled in every module. As a result of their academic excellence, they are rewarded with scholarships which eventually helps them to pay for their school fees. It's amazing, really.

To other students, some preferred to take up a few part time jobs to support their own financial needs. I've also known a few friends who work during the weekdays after school just to earn some cash for their pocket money. Some even work on weekends just so they could pay school fees. If these people can manage their time well, work wouldn't be an obstacle and wouldn't clash with their studies. That too, is also amazing.

And while many people emphasised on the importance of having good grades to get by school, I feel like some people fail to see that money has a bit of an influence too.

I remembered when I was in Secondary school, my grades were decently good. Good enough for me to laterally transfer from Normal Academic (NA) stream (equivalent to five years in high school) to Express stream (equivalent to four years in high school).

However, my secondary school days wasn't all that carefree. It was during this period where my family was financially unstable. My parents had to feed four children and our school fees amounted up to at least $3K each. My Dad's main income went to house rent and utility bills and my Mum worked part time by cleaning houses just to make ends meet.

To be fair, I am not a citizen in where I am currently staying in and school fees are expensive. I guess thats what you get for having advanced and quality education, which I am greatful for. Every month, we would receive reminders to pay the school fees or else we would prohibited from attending school. But because we were so financially constrained, our school fees were unpaid and this ultimately led to my siblings and I not being able to attend school.

Not being able to go to school shook my entire world. I remembered the night when Dad gathered my siblings and I in a room and told us that we couldn't go to school for the meantime because of our unpaid school fees. That night, Dad's apologetic look that he had worn while explaining to us broke my heart. We never blamed him because we knew that Dad had tried his best to save us.

Instead, I blamed the school system. I had decently good grades and served in the Student Council board as an executive committee member and yet, it happened. My siblings too had decently good grades and were student leaders and played in school teams, and yet it happened.

I remembered being angry (though later on I realized that it's just people doing their jobs). It was the period where I realized that getting good grades didn't matter. I realized that in order to even graduate from school, to have an education, you needed money.

Eventually (thank God), my siblings and I returned to school but we went to school with this fear of being cut off by the school system. We went to school with this reminder that our parents worked and shed blood, sweat and tears just to give us an education that they never really had... which would explain why many poor students like us, take studies seriously.

Looking back now, I remembered being bitter. However, what my family experienced was the reality of what happens when you have no money. It was an reality that not many people can relate or talk about.

Since secondary school, working part time was something that had crossed my mind multiple times, especially when I was the eldest child. However, my parents encouraged me to not take up a part time job, telling me to focus on my studies instead.

I finally got to experience what it was like to manage both work and school when I entered Poly. I remembered when my Mum first got diagnosed with Stage 3 breast tumour, I took over my Mum's place to clean houses in Sentosa. This part time job wasn't something I mentioned to my friends though it was good to help the family. In the beginning, it was hard to balance both work and school. I do admit that my grades had dropped by the end of the Semester but I never regretted taking up the part time job, even if it was labour intensive and time demanding.

Going back to that faithful incident that had happened in the canteen, I didn't blame my friend who made a remark for studies coming first in response to my friend's plight. I understood that she wasn't trying to make light of the situation, that she was just reminding my other friend who, had not been able to balance both work and studies properly, that she should have a balance. The remark came from a good place.

Students who come from financially stable backgrounds may not understand the fears or pressure of having to support themselves just so they could survive or even graduate from school especially at a young age.

In a way, growing up with this fear of being cut off from attending school had made me appreciate school more and see it as a blessing. It made me see that education shouldn't be a privilege, that it should be a right regardless of one's economical background. Up till this day, my family's financial situation isn't all that stable but it's good enough for us to go to school and have food on the table. I still strive to get good grades and make my school days count.

At the end of the day, it all depends on the students to believe that studies come first. To me, I do see the importance of studies coming first but I know that good grades are just good grades. Disclaimer alert, not saying that good grades are not important. I acknowledge that good grades allows you to have more 'opportunities', in a way that you can further your studies if you are entering, let's say University, based on grades. However, I also acknowledge the fact that good grades aren't everything.

Thus, whenever I meet people who struggle to balance work and school, there is this sense of understanding. Sometimes students who work have no choice and really needed that money, and in the process of that, affected their studies. One could never understand the struggles that poor students who chose to work and study, had gone through. Thus, here is a shoutout to all these students. It must have been hard but keep pushing on.

That being said, I am also sure that students who come from financially stable backgrounds have their own fair of struggles and pressures to meet. I've also had some friends who's families owned businesses and are pressured to meet the expectation of having good grades. One could never completely related with each other's struggles but we all know what it's like when people really say that "Life is hard".

- Micah

[bookishplays-blog]

TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THE HELL HOILDAY LAST YEAR

OH MY FUCK OK SO

this is related to the post i made abt the music association thing and the Hell Holiday is basically the reason i cant listen to mix tape anymore i swear to god this fucking holiday made me lose years off my life expectancy-

backstory: i went on a school trip to france prior to the hell holiday. i was the only responsible kid on said trip and saved all my money so when we were on the way back home i was deadass the only kid who had more than £10 left for food. anyway, this one girl who hung around with us had no money left so i bought her food and a drink and she was so grateful she told her parents who invited me to go to this adventure park place with them in the summer. me, being a broke ass bitch who, at this time, didn’t mind said girl and had ALWAYS wanted to visit said adventure park, said yes and packed to go.

from the start, it was a fucking shitshow. i stayed with this girl for approximately six days, three of which were in the adventure park, three at her house. the first day, we went to the cinema, where she proceeded to ignore me, speak over me and yell at me the whole day. her parents were strict to the point where we were sent to bed at eight o'clock. DURING SCHOOL HOLIDAYS. the second day went no better, with me getting my period, her being overly snide and dismissive, refusing to talk to me, taking complete control over everything, not packing for the trip and then yelling at me, confiscating MY headphones when i listened to music. but i figured, hey, she’s probably just antsy bc she’s bored.

BOY WAS I WRONG

on the car journey to the adventure park, she refused to talk to me. WE WERE IN THE CAR FOR TWO HOURS AND SHE SPOKE TO ME NOT ONCE. TO THE POINT WHERE EVEN HER PARENTS COMMENTED ON IT. and just when we FINALLY arrived, she dragged me straight off to go swimming.

as i mentioned, i was on my period. i bleed extremely heavily, and although i won’t give out my age, i’m a fairly young teen. this was the first time i’d ever used a tampon. repeat. I WAS YOUNG, ALONE, UNFAMILIAR WITH MY SURROUNDINGS AND JUST LEFT TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE A TAMPON WITH ZERO SYMPATHY AND AN ORDER TO HURRY UP. being so inexperienced, i did it wrong, so i had to leave after half an hour to redo it. except i found out they locked my back in their locker, which would’ve been fine except i was bleeding everywhere and locked in a toilet cubicle?? anyway the girl eventually found me, yelled at me, got my bag and yelled at me when i went back out to the pool.

this got no better throughout the day. we were given bikes to get around with, and her parent SPECIFICALLY ASKED ME TO LEAD HER SINCE I WAS MORE EXPERIENCED WITH ROAD CYCLING. the MOMENT this bitch’s parents were gone, she yelled at me and forced me to go behind her, which would’ve been fine except this hoe was in high school and could barely ride a bike, so we spent half an hour on a ten minute ride because of how much she stopped and started. one time, she stopped and started so rapidly that i accidentally rammed into her. she screamed at me despite me apologising profusely, checking her over and offering to go ahead so it wouldnt happen again. (spoiler; she said no)

you know how i said i was on my period? this is VERY important. i’d like to stress through the whole holiday that this girl was rude to me whenever i was in pain or tired or lethargic, all things to do with being on my period. evenings were spent with her ignoring and yelling at me, then complaining that i was too quiet and rude. she did a bunch of other nasty shit to me, which i’ll elaborate on later, including the part where she abandoned me in a forest.

now, i was visibly upset, and her parents were genuinely so sweet to me. they made an effort to include me, to buy me drinks and to hold a conversation with me. her parents were the best part of that fucking holiday, even if they did make us go to bed at eight o'clock.

the night of the first day wasnt that bad, apart from a few awkward conversations about phone charging arrangements. but overall, i woke up feeling like maybe it wouldnt be so bad. BOY WAS I WRONG. this was when i was at the peak of my instagram friendships, and i had two best friends, people i’ll call Tara and Anya (not their real names). tara and anya were the reason i survived that fucking holiday i stg when this bitch made me cry (which was often) they were always there. THEY ARE VERY IMPORTANT LATER IN THIS STORY.

next day, still on my period, things went a tad better. me and the girl did archery - a disaster, by the way, with her mocking me and calling me names - and we went swimming again, which went marginally better. unfortunately, evening activities were fucking SHIT. this bitch screamed at me for having a period and taking painkillers, telling me i could just stop if i wanted to, then bagsied the first shower home despite the fact i was bleeding and had a tampon that i needed to change. our room had the only shower and there was no fucking way i was going to use her parents’ bathroom (besides, she locked me out of our room so i couldnt get fresh tampons anyway). i ended up removing my tampon very quickly (and since i actually inserted it properly this time, it hurt like a bitch and i cried).

however, wifh zero access to the room with all my period products i had to sit in a pool of my own blood, practically crying, for ten to twenty minutes while she showered. i repeat. I, A SCARED YOUNG TEEN IN AN UNFAMILIAR SETTING, HAD TO SIT IN A POOL OF MY OWN BLOOD BECAUSE THE GIRL I WAS STAYING WITH WOULDNT LET ME USE THE BATHROOM FIRST. and when i did finally get to use the bathroom, she made snarky comments when i took sanitary products with me.

evening entertainment was a shitshow. she ignored me, took my money, ignored me some more and then mocked me for calling my mum. i ended up faking sleep early just so i didnt have to listen to her. and yet that was one of the better days.

THE NEXT DAY, I GOT LOCKED OUT OF THEIR FUCKING CABIN.

we decided to race to this beach area before meeting at the fencing complex. unfortunately, i had never been to this park before, as i said, so i got hopelessly lost. i decided to cycle to the main metro area in the park because thats where fencing was. i hoped they’d meet me there. they didn’t. i’d left my phone inside. i cycled there and back to the cabin at least four times looking for them and crying before eventually giving up and sitting outside the cabin, where a cleaner ended up taking pity on me and letting me in. i proceeded to run indoors and cry for a straight half hour, while my friends tried to console me.

i was inundated with angry texts. her only response when i told her what happened was “you wasted fencing.” as a poor girl who had always wanted to try fencing, this made me even more upset.

we did end up going to the beach place after they returned, but the girl made me row her everywhere and complained when i asked to swap. we went swimming again, and i was so cramped up that i swam for maybe half an hour before getting out and sitting on the poolside, reading and talking to my friends. this girl, whose parents had told me explicitly that i could sit by myself if i didnt want to swim, screamed at me for wasting the water. i cried again.

now we get to the part where she FUCKING ABANDONED ME IN THE WOODS.

i went back to the cabin early, and her parents decided to show us a clubhouse area. they left straight afterwards, leaving us to our own devices. we messed around a bit, and then she said to me, and i quote,“stop following me.”i didnt know the area, where to go, or what was available to do. so i sat down and texted tara and anya, who made me laugh. until this girl fucking upped and left, not before calling me slow and stupid, and left me. alone. in the woods by myself with nobody there.

I WAS LEFT IN THE FUCKING WOODS ALONE AT SEVEN O CLOCK AT NIGHT.

luckily, my gay ass remembered the way back because there were some pretty distinctive paths and bushes on the way there, so i returned safely. her parents asked me where she was, and i lied and said we decided to split up.

she didnt come back after half an hour, so her dad borrowed mg bike and found her. she then said I left HER and then pretended to be sick and ignored me all night. (in case ur wondering how i knew her bitch ass was faking, she was perfectly fine after dinner.)

the final day, the day of leaving, we walked around a bit, and i spoke mostly to her mum. i had a pounding headache, and she took notice and dragged us inside in the shade. her parents truly were blessings, as i said. the hoe ignored me, per usual, screamed at me, per usual, and at breakfast after she made me very uncomfortable and asked very personal questions about my financial situation. when we FINALLY left, she called me ungrateful for reading on my phone and staying inside when she went to get snacks. when we got back to her place, she totally ignored me and went outside, leaving me alone to wait for my dad to pick me up.

when i left, she didnt even say goodbye, despite me getting her attention many times.

in other words, that holiday has made me distrust her completely to the point where when i was asked if i’d be okay sharing a room with her on another trip after, i flat out said no and chose the only other people (homophobes who all ignored me) to share with instead.

on the bright side, that holiday made me talk to my friends so much that i ended up becoming super close with my current squad, so theres that.

[blogofeverything]

It’s MY time

2019 was a year of terrible career. 

I joined a top agency but under such a poor management that 1 year on, I am still angry about my experience. 

Soon after I joined a company which promised much but turned out to be a slave driver of my colleagues (thankfully I got out well in time). 

This year, is supposed to be my year. As of 1st April, I saw it become my year.

While the world around us crashes with Corona Virus or COVID-19 taking on lives, and as governments grapple around us to ensure safety of all by shutting down workplaces and forcing companies who can, to comply with work-from-home practices, I sit here in front of my laptop with a silent thank you to God. 

The Emotional Roller Coaster of a Working Mother

In the middle of June 2018, a little red-cheeked, skinny but healthy boy pushed his way out of, what i presume to be, a dark tunnel and breathed his first breath of air. 

My son.  My life.

I had left my job just 8 days before I had found out I was pregnant, and I had been unsuccessful securing another because I was honest in pointing out my pregnancy every 2nd interview I reached. 

I was a full time mom, and exhausted at being calculative because of financial restrains. I tried and tried to find a company that required my skillset and appreciated having a new mum on board - zilch! 

Every agency I interviewed had the same sort of questions for me - this job is demanding, do you think you can manage a child and the job? 

It was rude. It was presumptuous. It was degrading.  And even though I cried then, I know now that I even if I was good at what I do, those companies were never for me. They spelt toxic culture completely. 

When I finally did find a job that said they could support work-from-home once in a while, I jumped to the occasion only to later learn that there were over-promises made to hire a person as soon as possible. 

I did all I could. I strived, and then I moved. 

I Need Balance

In the interview for my current company, I ensured my point was clearly made: 

I am good at my job, I know it. But now, I am at a point in life where I need to balance.  I have done many 12-14hours of work days and I see how unproductive they were. I have done strict 9 hours work days and seen the amazing respect and productivity they have brought along too...  I can promise that I’ll do my best at my work but I need you to understand that I need to go home on time - Not to rest and not because I’m lazy. 

I am a mother and I have duties.  In my world, those duties far more demanding and far more important because they shape the world of another human being. 

They understood. 

I did have days where I worked later than the required contractual hours, but to be honest, there have been days when I have had time to shop online too! Isn’t it my duty to be there to finish my job and complete what I’m being paid for? 

The Work From Home Mother

On 31st March, there was a huge spike in number of COVID cases, with the government giving strict instructions to companies to move to a WFH set-up. My company acted immediately and on 1st April, we had our last day at the office.

Since then, I have been managing work, and home: Bosses, Colleagues, child and husband, and helper too! 

I am working harder than I did in the office, and I’m present in front of my child to answer his questions and be there to give him a kiss on his booboo. 

I’m exhausted. 

But I’m happy. 

I attend meetings, and I cook. I work on briefs and I work on the meal menus and grocery lists.

I think of that Operations Manager at that agency who said Advertising is not for a mother. And then I think of how some people are just not going to every understand because they haven’t been blessed with such huge responsibilities in life.

It’s MY Time

And here I sit, with work on one side, my son napping on the other side, and everything rolling according to timelines. 

There’s no anxiety. There’s no hyperventilation. There’s lesser stress but everything is working well. 

That’s why I say, albeit with some guilt, it’s my time now.

[harmonyresonant]

Limitations of wisdom and its affect on motivation.

The last time I fell in love I knew it was destined to fail, perhaps in one of the worst ways it could. I said to her it felt like two galaxies colliding, but galaxies can either group together or tear themselves apart and fly away.

Those moments come to me more than most I think, at least consciously, the thoughts that are so easy to let escape as trivialities, impulses to be excised with just as much fervour as their entrance, but yet if only accepted, could stop a mistake, or change your life.

What's the criteria for distinguishing these kinds of thoughts? Risk? Cost? Benefit? Joy? Importance? Substance? Love? I've spent years trying to find the real source of motivation, of my motivation, because at the end of fear is truth, and fear will only propel so far as your body and mind allow it.

Justifying motivation is not esoteric for the starved of food or hungry for love. Motivation and its reasons are intertwined with purpose, and with it - our sense of direction, and with that, our sense of growth or death.

Polony and tomato sauce with white bread, Bread on its own, Chips from the fish n chip shop, Nutri grain with no milk for dinner, no food brought to school, a home of bullying, dream killing, suppression. I'm just the tip of the iceberg. I empathise with the meth addict on the street, the Mum that boils her baby daughter, the husband that murders his family, each a victim of environment and circumstance left to play out its default option.

I know all about default. I know nearly everything that needs to be known about how it plays out. When I rejected it, I was commanded by every single person and circumstance around me to let go of the fight. I watched as my friends became the victims of it, drop outs, pregnant, jailed, drugged, abused, stiffled, angry, lost. Stop it. That's wrong. Are you sure? I can't believe you would do that. Take this, you owe me. Be more considerate. Let's have a talk. You just need to be a 16 year old. Your results are in. That's just how it is. It's time to move on. You seem chaotic. You just seem upset is all. I'm just trying to help. I think you need to see a psychologist. I think we should just be friends. If there were words to describe the amount of fury and anger I hold towards individuals of my past I would save you from them because I have shown each of these comments their due diligence and marvelled at my own self control. To entertain those people in my mind gives them an authority I refuse to allow, so I move on.

When global weather patterns are shifting and solutions are being found by quantum computer augmented AI systems as pornography fills every void that opens - spite, seemed like the most reasonable response to such as unreasonable world. At 11 through to 22 It worked to dissociate my want of meaning in my circumstances, a want of meaning in where I felt I should belong and where I am, people often pointing out I should be a drug addict and dead or in jail, adjunct simultaneously to those same individuals pressuring success with their own benchmarks. All three things only not the case because of a mixture of calculated precision and blind luck. They wouldn't know, because they are unable to know, they refuse to know, outright, in front of you, so I would achieve because fuck you. Anger and rage is bottomless, perfect for a mixed up misunderstood adolescent male. The nerve of family to attempt comparisons of their standards with my own makes me laugh with a deep seated sickness. They arent any better off knowing differently. I couldn't control myself if I indulged myself in their correction. I've done it to some, corrected them, but my capacity for flooding someone with sadness and tearing their soul from them isn't so much fun as violently calculated. It's what comes after, my mothers death a calculated suicide of neglect, the insidious idea to die and make everyone your victim to alleviate guilt for failing to be held punished for your sins ready like a conspiring death eater to leach its next victim through me. How she coughed up black tar of putrid rotted lung flesh and congealed blood as CPR accidentally flooded her airways, typical of wanton excess of disgust. These details are best left undisclosed until times like this. How they saw me as a victim when i spared them. Of course though, they were too cowardly to ask. Hugs as it were. For their embrace, but they soon realised I wasn't available for receiving empathy because when I look at people I see directly into their soul, and when they are ready, they tell me what they are afraid of, in their own way, and it was too much for my family to cope with, because they're afraid they were responsible for killing her and conspiring to create the circumstances albeit naively in arrogance which eroded my Mums mental health and therefore my sister and I's life. I looked directly at my Uncle Warren in the emergency department without a tear in my eye watching the circus unfolding in front of me and I saw it written over his face, laughing at her losing her job, her sadness, her divorce with the members of the Smith side, now she lay dead, then he looked away. The too hard basket became my home because that's what these people do to hard things, they are the lowest kinds of human, the ones that lie to themselves about their affect on children, and can't help but make it worse by leaving them there alone scared with no excuse other than fear. Besides, school was starting up in 4 weeks, there was ironing to do. Clothes to fold. Forms to sign. He'll be fine. He'll get over it. The young soldier boy. How if they demonstrated any strength to cry in front of me in regret i would explode, they don't deserve to cry. I hold onto this until they either die or reconcile it. I'm good at waiting.

So for a while I forgot what love even was. Then she stepped in. Blind luck reared its head, and she showed me a warmth, depth and love so beautiful, graceful and innocent I felt like if I touched her my fear and hatred would spread like a disease. There are certain decisions we make in life as people that we don't understand, and we wear the consequences. I am not blessed with that capacity, I was not afforded the resources needed to make the conscious skills we develop young, into the subconscious - everything became consciously calculated, what I wear, what order the day is in, what words I use, my tone, my posture, my timing, what people i need to manipulate, what are their current moods, their buttons, when the rain falls or the concrete cracks it has always been my fault or my responsibility - better me than my insane family. Of course you don't win by playing nicely. You don't learn by being comfortable. And of course, through the gauntlet, you don't feel good about it. Good or great, make your decision, and in poverty when you're broken, you are forced to choose great, usually for as long as it takes until your circumstances begin to sustain themselves, and there is only space for a few so you have to do what's necessary for as long as necessary. There were plenty of times I would punch my windows, the walls work cartons and scream, how pathetic, I got a hold of myself quickly. Got psychological problems? Bury them. Getting worse? Bury them. Life is not a documentary or a game, fail to achieve certain things in certain timelines while the cards are stacked against you and the consequences are extreme. Even more so without financial or social securities/networks. So after years of neglect she began to make me feel like I could rest. Like I deserved it. She helped me forgive myself for the stress I had caused myself and other people. She forgave me for being sorry that I couldn't be the guy she needed me to be, that I couldn't be Nathan because I was unsure who or what that even was.

Spite evaporated and then I was purposeless, my motivation gone, it disrupted my focus, my academic results, the routine of my fractured world. And she became my angel, she became the person that would forgive me for failing and tell me it would be alright and I would believe her because she understood me, I live in those moments just by remembering her, but as soon as she opened her arms she was gone. She was doing things my mother didn't and she coped a lot of difficulty from me for doing it and the legacy of failure in parenting, guardianship and neglect continued to haunt me, as it started to haunt then eventually remove those I loved. It wasn't the first time either, a pattern like many other. It was at that point that I made the decision to never allow it happen again. I would finish what she helped start, and with any luck, find a positive reason to endure the absolute crushing isolation of being the source of problems for those you deeply care about or die finding out, unable to be reached, usually impossible to help but this time different, now without the offensive weapons which I used to shield myself. I'm sure it would've been easier to approach me if I was outright hostile but people were watching, vultures waiting with their 'here to help check list' with step 1 as, 'Take a break'. Idiots.

The process is finished.

Now I am appreciating and beginning to give back in small ways to life.

I don't really remember what it feels like to love someone voluntarily. I guess that's how it's supposed to work, by accident, time, something like that, but I'm approaching a stage in my life where I'm too exhausted to care, maybe my Mum took it with her to her grave. Maybe I have had too many people come and go for good reasons to believe in holding onto someone. I finished the race first and early or last and everything's been packed up but for me it was always about finding a home in my heart, so I wouldnt look for it in someone else's, something that's as much given to you as much as fostered by yourself. It always felt like though I had reached the mountain peak, as soon as I got there I realised there's no way to go further up, so its time to look across and down at everything that's been done, take a break and look across to the next peak. I have no option but to hold onto the good things that've happened to me in my time, even if they're in totality a bit messy, as for the girl that saved me from myself, I'm no longer scared or fearful when I think of her now, like I might be dishonoring her, in a lot of ways she's still my angel. I hope we get to be friends one day once we've settled down so we can compare notes, we moved too fast to keep our both our feet on the ground long enough to be together but until then wherever she is I hope she is smiling and being taken care of because she is of such a rarity of courage and authenticity that it seems only she can reach people like me and that deserves happiness and real love.

Spread your wings.

[tellytantra]

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Shivaye says you wanted control on Oberoi empire, you should have told me once, I would have stepped back. Tej says you want me to beg you, I don’t beg to anyone. Shivaye says no, you have a right on me, this house and Oberoi empire, you could have told me once. Tej says what I want, I don’t ask, but get it, I felt you can’t handle Oberoi empire and I will take over it, this didn’t happen, you have taken this ten times ahead, you became a big businessman, it was known because of me, now its known because of you, its you everywhere, I m fed up, my wife, children and mum chant your name, enough, you failed me at any point, I hate losing. Shivaye says you tried to send me to jail because of this jealousy. Tej says wrong, I hate you, so I wanted to ruin you, you defeated me, damn you… Shivaye cries and asks why so much hatred, what’s my mistake. Tej says your mistake is that you have Shakti’s blood running in your veins. Shivaye breaks down. He says but I considered you my dad always. Tej says oh please Shivaye, we don’t share sorrow, but property. Shivaye gets up and says if its about property, its not just mine and yours, my two brothers also have right on it, their future is based on Oberoi empire, I can’t let you play with their future for your hatred, what you did, Oberoi empire is already in loss, please return to London. Tej asks how dare you make me out, who are you. Shivaye says this house’s son, this house’s happiness and peace is my responsibility, I don’t want Omru to know this and they end ties with you, I know how it feels to live without a dad, I don’t want them to yearn for dad’s love, please return. Tej says I won’t go anywhere, I don’t want anyone’s order. Shivaye says take this as my order, warning or request, I give you 24 hours, leave from here. Shivaye goes. Anika waits for Shivaye. He comes. She asks why did you get late. He says I went to make tea. She asks where is the tea. He says I forgot in kitchen, I will go and get it. She says its fine, we are tired, its time to rest, are you fine. He says yes, you sleep. She says you look worried, we are husband and wife, your every problem is mine too, maybe I can’t give a solution, but I can hear it, its my responsibility and right. He says you know what Tej did. She sleeps over his shoulder. He makes her lie down. Its morning, Anika gives coffee to Shivaye. She says sorry, I slept early. He says its fine, everything will get fine. She asks what do you mean. Dadi comes. She gives a dress to Anika. She says you wear this in Mu dikhai rasam, I couldn’t see your marriage, I will at least see the rasam, the world should know my Billu’s wife is so beautiful. Anika takes her blessings and hugs. Dadi unites their hands. She says Shivaye gives happiness to everyone, he never got his share of happiness, now you have come, its your responsibility now. Anika says you don’t worry, I will keep Shivaye happy, say something to him now. Dadi laughs and says there is no need to tell him, I know he will keep his responsibility and duty well. Shivaye agrees. Dadi asks them to get ready and come downstairs. Anika likes the dress and says its very pretty. He says I m seeing my wife. She turns shy. He asks do you shy too. She says I just got to know. O jaana….plays…. He says I didn’t know my wife looks prettier when she gets shy. He holds her hand. She says leave my hand. He says I didn’t hold your hand to leave. She says please….He leaves her hand. She says please leave. He says I have left it. They smile. She runs. Dadi asks Jhanvi to call Anika, guests have come. Jhanvi says Shivaye has gone to get her. Shivaye gets Anika downstairs. Everyone smiles. Jhanvi lifts Anika’s ghunghat. Everyone gives gifts and blessings. Om says happiness has come after a long time. Rudra says I think its happening for the first time this season. Om laughs. Shivaye says right. Rudra jokes and says this can’t happen that there is no problem in Oberoi mansion. Shivaye asks where is Tej. Tej says I don’t care, I want all the shares of company, you talk to board of directors and convince them, Shivaye should not know this. Manager says its illegal, how can we convince directors against Shivaye. Tej says I will tell you what to do, I want to make Shivaye out of company, for this, I want all the shares on my name. Shivaye holds Anika. Wah wah ramji….plays…. Everyone takes pics. They dance. Khanna signs Shivaye. Shivaye goes. Khanna says I heard Tej talking to Roy, in fact he is talking to board of directors and trying to convince them. Shivaye gets shocked. He goes to Tej. He says I need to talk to you right now. Tej asks him to say. Shivaye asks is this true that you are transferring company shares to your name. Tej says you got to know this. Shivaye says you are doing wrong to get shares illegally, board of directors will laugh on us, tell me if you have financial issue, I will help you. Tej says I m not a beggar, I made this Oberoi empire when your dad was enjoying with another woman. Shivaye shouts enough, what do you want to prove that I m like my dad. Tej says blood is blood after all, there is no need to prove. Shivaye says you have the same blood running in your veins as my dad, so are you like him. Tej says mind your language. Shivaye says my dad has put our family respect at stake, you are going to do the same, I couldn’t stop him, I won’t let you do this, you want money, I will give it to you, but stay away from Oberoi industries, my brothers have right on it too, I won’t let you snatch their rights. Tej laughs and says its not about money, not status, respect and name, you got it instead me, I have built this empire, you became the owner, I just want it, I can make you fall for this. Shivaye says you can do anything you want, but I won’t let you take company shares. Tej says I think I have to change my plan, you didn’t red legal document well, its clearly mentioned that you have 50% shares but Omru have 50% shares, I can easily get it on my name, I have to do what I don’t want to, but I m helpless. Shivaye asks what are you talking about. Tej says there is an imp clause in contract, if Omru die, then their shares will go to their dad. Shivaye gets shocked and asks how can you… Tej says I m helpless to do this because of you, I think I have to kill Omru. Precap:Shivaye prays and says Dadi says like you are world’s Ram, I m Ram of this house, I want to win this battle, its about family and justice, this battle will be tough, I have to fight for family against family, I also know, whatever the result, it will be my defeat both ways. He applies tilak to himself. Update Credit to: Amena

http://cattybilli.blogspot.com/2018/10/ishqbaaz-5th-october-2018-episode.html

[asegbolu]

*Dear Parents, Do Not Prevent Your Children From Going Through The Pain of Discipline* 

There are things that parents do that make me wonder if they know the implications. 

In my teaching career, I've come to realize that children who are well

brought up produce better results.

What I see these days is training the *"butty"*(aje butter) way which gets me scared of what will happen in the next 10-15 years.

I see eight year olds who don't bother to lay their beds.

I see 10 year olds served by the maid or *"caring mum" on the table and they either don't pack the table or they just dump the plates in the kitchen for the maid or "caring mum" to wash.*

Drivers carry the bags of

children above 5 years and the children call them *"my driver".*

Manual clothe washing is

gradually been replaced by washing machines, yet, the maid or *"caring mum"* will be the one to do the laundry.

Children wake up and go straight to the TV and sleep late watching TV with mum & dad but mum & dad don't allow them read late.

They'll say *"go and sleep".* I see parents play game for hours on their phones, yet wonder why their children don't read and why their results are poor, despite investment in expensive schools.

I see tweenagers and teenagers who can't cook common white rice because there's maid, nanny, cook, *"caring mum"* etc.

I see children who are addicted to cheating in exams, assignments, class work and the parents aren't taking conscious steps to correct it. Instead, some will bribe teachers to make their children first, teach them during external exams or take them to *"miracle centres"* to write their exams.

I see children who talk to their parents and other adults disrespectfully and all the parents say is *"children of nowadays are outspoken".*

Your children's wardrobe is full of clothes but they don't have a single book.

You buy them lots of toys but you didn't buy them books.

I can go on and on.

See, when next you tell your child not to do house chores, study hard etc., have it at the back of your mind that what you're saying is *"don't take responsibility for your life".*

I guess parents don't know that chores and morals are almost directly proportional to academic performance.

Haven't you thought of it that when our forefathers went to farm, fetched water etc., before or after school, the world was a better place?

Haven't you thought of it that our local proverbs which have remained relevant were coined by unlettered men and women? 

A Hausa proverb says, *"Ka so naka, duniya ta 'ki shi...* *" favour your son and the world will reject him..."* (vice-versa)

A Yoruba proverb also says, *"eni anwo ki wooran"*... *"those who make news don't watch news".*

So when you're mentoring your children to be T.V. addicts, you should understand what you're grooming them to be.

*There are TWO PAINS in life and everyone must suffer one; PAIN OF DISCIPLINE or PAIN OF REGRET.*

When you're preventing your children from going through pain of discipline, just understand that you're automatically preparing them for pain of regret.

Some parents feel that their children's careers are secured because of their financial stand.

Now, let's do this analysis;

*1.* You get your children jobs.

*2.* You make them take over your company.

*3.* You set up a business for them.

*1.* If you get them jobs and they have the wrong attitude at work like being late, talking rudely to clients etc which made the company lose a big contract, will they keep them there?

*2.* They take over your company and your company lost within three months an amount that you didn't make in your first five years in business due to their lack of discipline, will you pat them on the head and say I'm proud of you child?

*3.* They run the business shabbily and there's nothing to show for it within few years.

The earlier we stop these

pampering, the better. 

You will give an account to God on them.

Train your child in the way he should go and when he is old, he won't depart from it.

*Regards,*

*A concerned Parent.*

Have a good night rest n stay blessed.

[thechasefiles]

The Chase Files Daily Newscap 8/12/2018

Good Morning #realdreamchasers! Here is The Chase Files Daily News Cap for Sunday 12th August 2018. Remember you can read full articles by purchasing Sunday Sun Nation Newspaper (SS), via Barbados Today (BT) or Barbados Government Information Services (BGIS).

SKERRIT ISSUES STATEMENT DECRYING ATTACKS ON MOTTLEY – The following is a statement by Prime Minister of Dominica Roosevelt Skerrit on the relationship between Barbados and Dominica. It comes in light of a decision by the owners of Ross University School of Medicine to relocate to Barbados from Dominica. Let’s refocus and move forward. Fellow citizens and residents, I wish to call on all who are accountable, to cease and desist from the unwarranted verbal attacks on the Government and Prime Minister of Barbados and by extension on all Barbadians. The decision to relocate to Barbados was a decision taken solely by Ross University School of Medicine (RUSM). The relationship between Barbados and Dominica is longstanding and amicable. The people and Government of Barbados have always stood with us both in good times and most recently in difficult times. Lest we forget, when we were at the mercies of the IMF in 2002, seeking to correct the financial mismanagement of the country by the UWP Government, it was the Government of Barbados who first assisted us with a loan of US$10 million on concessional terms. At that time, this was a lifesaver for our country and Prime Minister Mia Mottley was a member of that Government. After Tropical Storm Erika and Hurricane Maria, the people of Barbados, including Prime Minister Mottley herself, were at the forefront of tirelessly raising funds and securing food supplies, among other relief efforts, for us in Dominica. What is especially notable is that she accomplished this even though she was the leader of the Opposition at the time. I do not think it is right, neither do I support any attacks on Prime Minister Mottley and the Government of Barbados. I reiterate my call to all Dominicans, including those who support me, that these attacks are not in our best interests nor to our benefit. It is not the Dominican way. It is not who we are! My camaraderie with Prime Minister Mottley has not been affected by the decision of Ross to relocate. Similarly, my profound love for the people of Barbados remains intact. I have never been and will never be an ungrateful person. These are Dominican qualities which we all should never stray from. As I said last week, Ross’ closure here is not the end of Dominica. There are ongoing discussions between Ross and my administration, and I am confident that they will conclude with our country benefitting. Dominica shall become stronger and indeed more prosperous from this experience and I trust that the good Lord will continue to create opportunities for us as a nation, just as he did numerous times in the past when we were jolted by natural disasters. It was not too long ago when Colgate Palmolive closed in 2016, leaving several of us depressed. I reassured the nation then, that we shall be blessed with another investor; and that we were. Less than two years later, that soap factory is making waves with its products throughout the region and it is swiftly expanding. In earnest, Government shall continue to work with the investors to ensure this continued success. Similarly, after Jungle Bay Resort was decimated by Tropical Storm Erika, the Government followed through on its promise and worked with the proprietor, Sam Raphael, to build an even larger resort, doubling the number of rooms to 120. Now, even after the passage of the even more powerful Hurricane Maria, the first phase of the hotel is set to be open for business in March 2019. We Dominicans would recall, about 14 years ago, a call centre closed its doors in Dominica, later to be replaced by Clear Harbour, with over 830 full-time employees. Today, the Government is creating additional space for Clear Harbour’s expansion. My call to us all, is to look forward. We have a country to build! Being negative and gloating on setbacks will benefit no one. Over the past few days, the international media has been effusively endorsing our march toward becoming the first climate resilient nation, by applauding our ban on plastics which will take effect from January 1, 2019. Let us be energised and encouraged by this, and continue to show the world what Dominica and its people are made of. We must abstain from misdirecting our energies into instigating island wars and instead focus on rebuilding our nation. May God bless you all.   (SS)

NO WORRIES – Questions continue to swirl around a contentious land deal involving Attorney General Dale Marshall and Minister of Housing, Lands and Rural Development George Payne, despite a clarification yesterday by Marshall. At issue is a strip of land at Weston, St James, which a woman with the Facebook moniker, Jackie Stewart, and who describes herself as the daughter of the apparent property owner, said was willed to her mother by Stewart’s grandmother. The woman, who lives abroad with her mother, has been posting videos on Facebook, levelling certain allegations against Marshall and Payne, both of whom were involved in the land deal case when they were in private legal practice. Barbados TODAY will not publish the details of the allegations because of the damaging nature of these charges. However, while she did not give her name, Stewart’s mother joined her on the videos last July 5 to affirm the claims and criticisms against the two Queen’s Counsels in their handling of the case. But during a press briefing at Government Headquarters yesterday to address the issue of corruption against the backdrop of last week’s indictment by a United States grand jury of former Minister of Internatioal Business Donville Inniss on conspiracy to launder US$36,000 in bribes, Marshall shot down the charges. “I would say to you that while I do not know the lady . . . from my own involvement in a particular case, I am aware that a matter involving her mother was filed in the High Court of Barbados and I represented the other individual, the defendant, and we won the case,” the Member of Parliament for St Joseph said. “And, therefore, having the blessings of the court decision, as far as I am concerned, there is absolutely nothing that either myself or the firm which I used to be associated with has to be concerned about.” Still, Marshall suggested he was not about to take the public allegations lying down, stating he intended to sue Stewart for tarnishing his professional reputation. However, he said it would not be easy, because of the challenges involved in tracking down the woman. “We have tried to instruct attorneys, we have engaged Facebook on the matter and I think Facebook has acted. But the problem as you well know with social media is the anonymity involved. We only know the lady’s name cause she has said it. But in order to engage in a legal process to defend my own reputation, the reputation of my professional colleagues and the reputation as a whole of the legal profession, we have to find her in order to bring an action against her. “I am satisfied though, that the reputation of the professionals involved will sustain any criticisms made by the lady,” Marshall said. However, in a video response posted on Facebook today, Stewart, who was again joined by someone believed to be her mother, laced into the local attorney, describing his comment as a “ fiasco” and, wrongly, charging that the attorney general had claimed he had sued her and her mum. “I could only say it’s a fiasco because unfortunately, I had the distasteful . . . [displeasure] to see Dale Marshall yesterday make out that me and my mother are liars and that he had a case and that he went to court, and he won . . . Dale Marshall, you never ever had a case. We were taking you and George Payne to court . . . not you taking us to court,” an emotional Stewart said. She also made charges that called into question the integrity of the local court and the justice system, while claiming her family never had their day in court.  (BT)

STILL NO LAND - Nine years after World champion 110-metre hurdler Ryan Brathwaite was rewarded with a 12 000 square-foot plot of land for his 2009 gold medal performance in Berlin, Germany, he still has not received the deeds. But his benefactor Sir Charles “Cow” Williams, who rewarded Brathwaite with the land at Farmers, St Thomas, is blaming the previous Freundel Stuart administration for not approving it for housing development. “I applied for permission and I got turned down and I reapplied and the then Prime Minister went on the appeal,” he told the Sunday Sun during a telephone interview.  “My understanding is he [Prime Minister Freundel Stuart] went at 8 o’clock at night and he turned it down.” Sir Charles said he had communicated this situation to Brathwaite. However, he refused to divulge why Government had blocked the approval of the land and said “definitely not” when asked if it was because it was agricultural land where his large herd of animals grazed. (SS)

CRUISE CRISIS – The ship that is Barbados’ cruise sector has all but run out of steam. The problems affecting the sector are such that Minister of Tourism Kerrie Symmonds is warning that if immediate action is not taken, that ship is doomed to sink. Symmonds, yesterday at a Press conference, revealed the findings of a recent situational analysis and reports which found that despite seeing increasing arrival numbers, the cruise tourism sector was floundering. “The situational analysis having been completed, I am now in a position to say to you that it reveals that the cruise sector in Barbados is in a state of very deep crisis,” Symmonds said to the media. “In my view, unless imminent and immediate and fundamental alternatives are put in place, we are confronting ourselves with catastrophic failure,” he added. Port size constraints, inefficient passenger infrastructure, low interest on onshore activities and undesirably poor customer service were all listed by Symmonds as issues which could cripple the local cruise industry. However, the matter of extremely low spending by cruise passengers was an issue which Symmonds said needed to be immediately addressed. (SS)

COMMITTEE FORMED TO ENHANCE CRUISE SECTOR – Government is assembling a National Cruise Development Commission (NCDC) to further develop Barbados' cruise sector. Minister of Tourism Kerrie Symmonds made the announcement of the 15-person team earlier this morning during a Press conference at the Ministry of Tourism's offices at the Lloyd Erskine Sandiford Centre. The NCDC comprises: Chairman - Errol Humphrey, Deputy chairman - Dean Straker, Senator Lisa Cummins, Vic Fernandes, Kevyn Yearwood, Geoffrey Roach, Roseanne Myers, Alfredo Weatherhead, Natalie Burke, Kerri Gooding, Adrian Bailey, Patrick Estwick, André Miller, Amanda Reifer, Carol Roberts, Symmonds explained the Commision would start its operations by September. And after interactions with the public and private sector over the next 12 weeks,  the NCDC is expected to report its findings back to Cabinet to plan a path forward for the cruise sector.  (SS)

CRIME MUCH ‘DEEPER THAN BOYS ON THE BLOCK’ – Crime in Barbados is deeper than the “boys on the block” who sell weed to make a living. So instead of targeting this group, law enforcement officers are being challenged to look for the main sources responsible for the illegal importation of guns and drugs which are then “channelled” into communities. This is the sentiment of some residents, both old and young, who took part in a survey conducted by Dr Dwayne Devonish of the University of the West Indies, Cave Hill Campus, this year.  The survey focused on the deeper links of crime and violence in this country. In his thesis, Devonish said: “The recent spate in gun-related crimes and other related offences has ignited the need for robust academic commentary and research in the area of crime and violence at both community and national levels.” Young people surveyed believed that a lot of the crime was being brought in by “outsiders” to the community. (SS)

SHANE COPS NACAC BRONZE – The big day horse is in the money once again. Shane Brathwaite just continues to deliver for Barbados, having won yet another major medal by finishing third in the men’s 110 metres hurdles at the North American, Central American and Caribbean Championship (NACAC) in Toronto yesterday. Running out of Lane 7, the 28-year-old Brathwaite got out to a good start in the final before clocking 13.52 seconds to hold off a hard charging Jeffrey Julmis of Haiti for the bronze medal. It’s the second podium finish in as many weeks for the one-time World Championships finalist, who was fresh off a gold medal-winning performance at the Central American and Caribbean Games in Barranquilla, Colombia. The medal is his fourth at a major senior meet following third-place showings at the 2014 Commonwealth Games and the Pan American Games a year later.  (SS)

NOBEL PRIZE-WINNING AUTHOR V.S. NAIPAUL DIES AGED 85 - Trinidad-born British author V.S. Naipaul, who won the Nobel Prize for literature in 2001, has died at his home in London aged 85, the BBC reported on Saturday. Vidiadhar Surajprasad Naipaul, who began writing in the 1950s, won numerous coveted literary awards during his career during which he wrote critically acclaimed novels such as A House for Mr Biswas, In a Free State and A Bend in the River. In a statement, his wife Nadira Naipaul called him a “giant in all that he achieved” and said he had died surrounded by “those he loved having lived a life which was full of wonderful creativity and endeavour”, the BBC said. Born in Trinidad in 1932 into an Indian family, Naipaul was raised in relative poverty. He moved to England at 18 after receiving a scholarship to University College, Oxford. He wrote his first novel while at Oxford, but it was not published. He left university in 1954 and found a job as a cataloguer in London’s National Portrait Gallery. His first published novel, The Mystic Masseur, written in 1955, was poorly received at first but the following year won the first of his literary awards, the John Llewellyn Rhys Memorial Prize for young authors. He received a knighthood from Queen Elizabeth in 1989. “When I learnt to write I became my own master, I became very strong, and that strength is with me to this very day,” he told Reuters in 2010. (SS)

REUNION WEEK APPROACHING FOR ALEXANDRA 1980S GROUP – Long-time friends, teachers and those from the 1980s era of the Alexandra School are gearing up for a reunion week filled with memories of the old school ties. It will run from August 19 starting with a church service and a picnic and conclude on August 25 with a cocktail event. The reunion is an effort by the hundreds of old scholars to stay in contact and create a greater bond of friendship among those who entered Alexandra during the decade of the 1980s. Sheryl Griffith, president of the Alexandra School Alumni Association chapter in Toronto, Canada, and a 1980s graduate explained that the special reunion is an opportunity for many of the former students who live overseas to also return home and reconnect with their friends. Many of them are already among the 100 persons connected via a Whatsapp chat created by Griffith after a visit to the island in August 2017. From the group, a small committee was formed to organise the activities for this month which coincides with the significant milestone of 50 years for some members. The August 19 service takes place at St Peter’s Parish Church at 9:15 a.m. followed by a picnic at Farley Hill National Park from 1 p.m. until 5 p.m.    On Wednesday, August 22, 2018, there will be an island tour with Island Safari Barbados which is about five-and-a-half hours long and includes lunch.   The week will culminate with cocktails at the Bagatelle Great House on August 25 from 6:30 p.m. This event will be an opportunity for attendees to mix and mingle and ‘shake a leg’ to DJ music.  A special invitation is extended to former Alexandra School students, friends, relatives and current and past teachers to join in this week of celebrations. Interested persons can contact committee members at 823-3435 or at 233-8776 no later than, Monday August 13, 2018 to reserve your bookings. (SS)

ARGENTINA AND BARBADOS CONTINUE TO CELEBRATE FRIENDSHIP – Argentina continues celebrations marking the 50th anniversary of diplomatic relations with Barbados. Last Friday, the local community enjoyed an evening of Argentine theatre, with the play La Négrophilie, at the Frank Collymore Hall. The play is on the life and works of Josephine Baker which written and starred by Zakiya Iman Markland in collaboration with Argentine director and choreographer Tatiana Pandiani, who is the daughter of Argentine Ambassador to Barbados Gustavo Martinez Pandiani. “The play . . . conveys a strong and inspirational message. It is a story about self-esteem and black self-love that will take you on the twisty ride of Josephine’s rise to international stardom, all the while leaving behind a trail of questions about the good, the bad, and the ugly of oppressive love,” Ambassador Pandiani told the gathering. he Frank Collymore Hall was the sixth stop on the play’s international tour. Recently it graced stages in Rwanda, Uganda, New York City and Miami. “I confess that my decision to bring La Négrophilie to Barbados at this time is not a coincidence. I strongly believe that a theatrical perspective on such profound issues is a perfect match for the culmination of Crop Over,” the ambassador said. Argentine dancers Victoria Crisci and Rodrigo Malpezz graced the stage for the special occasion before the play. (BT)

For daily or breaking news reports follow us on Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter & Facebook. That’s all for today folks. There are 142 days left in the year. Shalom! #thechasefilesdailynewscap #thechasefiles# dailynewscapsbythechasefiles