#bleach (s) abridged

[shotgun-boots]

RWBY S ABRIDGED

Salem: Welcome back Espadas 4 and another number. *watching Adam and Banesaw walk in*

Adam: Lady (Amy) Lee, upon arriving in the human world, we quickly encountered—

Salem: Ah ah ah, save everyone’s time. Use the eyes.

Adam: Yes ma’am. *shatters a fake eye sparkling dust everywhere* Here, this is the abridged version of my memories. Given directly to your sense.

Salem: How strange, these abridged memories appear more absurd than the original. The characters hardly resemble the originals. There also seems to be an uncomfortable amount of people in this abridged version all sounding like the same guy.

Adam: I wouldn’t know anything about that.

Salem: Several parts of you abridged memories are missing, give them back, I want them.

Adam: Yes, some of them have been blocked. You’ll notice it’s only one in every five memories. It’s a bit inconsistent.

Salem: The twelfth memory is only blocked in Atlas.

Adam: I still haven’t figured that out, I’m working on it.

Mercury: Hey shitstain, looks like you got your ass handed to you.

Adam: That is factually incorrect.

Mercury: Shut your mouth, you albino dumbass.

Adam: Alright I will.

Mercury: If I’d have been there I’d have shown them what’s what! Just gone up and like ahhh! Right! Give them the old dah! Just like with their head and like gaaaaah, right in my hands! 1..2..ha! Just like that, right? You get it, right.

Banesaw: You can’t talk to Adam like that! The abridged memories just didn’t correctly translate the stakes of what was happening!

Adam: I would argue they emphasized them but to each their own.

Salem: Gee, it sure would be terrible if a small group of dedicated fighters tried to impress me by, say, disobeying my orders and attacking Ruby and friends and cause exploitable chaos… Mercury.

Mercury: *grinning* Ding! Awesome idea!

Salem: I sure hope it’s not those things I just said.

[incorrctbleach]

Grimmjow: What's that thing on your face? Ichigo: What's that what on my- Grimmjow, punches him: MY FIST!

[welcomehomeincorrectquotes]

Wally: *in regular puppet form, staring at them*

WHRP Member: Ignore him.

The Question Answerer: *jaw clenched* I caaaan't, he's staring straight at meeee.

Wally: *cheerfully* Hello.

WHRP Member: It's best to ignore him.

[kcuf-ad]

Bohman: We are enemy by nature. With you having friends and hopes and with me with none of those things. Starts walking down the stairs

Blue Maiden: Hold it right there, Bohman!

Bohman: Stops

Blue Maiden: What? Did you lose your nerve?

Bohman: You just told me to stop. I figured you saw a broken step or something. Did you not?

Blue Maiden: N... No. I was just trying to sound tough, are you dense?

Bohman: Oh I see, you were trying to intimidate me. That's weird.

[raphaelcrossofoliver]

I wish to recommend you Bleach (S) Abridged by Project Mouthwash. Why?

Because of this scene in their abridging of Diamond Dust Rebellion

[cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme]

I was wondering if I could put in a request for wagner (unib) with a affectionate and caring s/o. (Please and thank you. I'm happy to see more people who know about unib.)

You are more than welcome to send in as much Wagner as you want. Hell, send in as much UNIB as you want! I love to write for them!

Getting back on track, I actually quite like Wagner as both a character and from a gameplay perspective though Gordeau is my main man. To paraphrase Bleach Abridged “For The Next 99 Seconds Neutral Is My Bitch!”

But that aside...

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND!

The most accurate way to describe someone like Wagner at first glance without using any expletives is… Stubborn, but her heart is in the right place, even if she is a bit harsh at times.

Wagner lived a cold life, rather ironic all things considered.

She was raised to be a weapon for the Licht Kreis from birth.

Her aloof nature and her straight to the point way of doing things also doesn’t help.

She is a “Quickest way to any point is a straight line” type of person after all.

As such, most people give her a wide berth.

Then you came along.

Someone who was decidedly NOT like anyone else Wagner had met in her life.

You weren’t afraid of her.

Her snide remarks didn’t bother you.

And her tendency to lash out when she was confused was something you accepted as a part of her.

Because of this she called you *her* fool.

You were special like that.

A small, searingly hot flame in her cold life.

You touched her without fear of burning.

You made her laugh without fear of her flames taking you.

You talked to her and treated her with kindness unmeasured that she had never received before.

And soon, because of that, whenever she was around you, a heat began to reach her.

A heat quite different from her flames.

A heat that made her infinitely warmer.

A heat which she only ever felt upon her face.

It took a long while to realize what that heat was.

And when she did?

It was a spectacle for the ages.

A frazzled Wagner having gone through a very concerning revelation, Fire shooting everywhere, the branch of the Licht Kreis she was in burning down around her, Orie and Londrekia running around like mad to put the flames out

It was a very interesting night.

It was also a very interesting morning for you, seeing Wagner following you in an almost comically bad fashion.

Eventually though, Wagner did say something.

In a very Wagner way.

But also, in a way that was quite different, a bit kinder and also…

A bit scared.

To Wagner you were a light of incomparable power and beauty.

Wagner didn’t want to lose that.

But… she had to shoot her shot, what she felt for you was too big to hold in.

Too powerful.

Too hot.

Like a ball of molten metal.

So she had to let it out…

And the joy she felt at your words when you said you felt the same…

She would hold that moment in her mind until the day she died.

[zoroshonkingbazonkadonkas]

When you’re done with Bleach, may I recommend watching the Bleach S Abridged series on YouTube? It’s a parody retelling of Bleach that is one of the funniest things I’ve ever watched. It tells a shortened version of the same story but with some twists and jokes to make it more entertaining. They’re currently about halfway through the Hueco Mundo arc.

There are some references to things in TYBW, but most of those secrets were all revealed in either cour 1 or 2, so you should be safe from most spoilers. The only part I can think of that is a reference to later parts of the arc (which is one throwaway line) is so subtle that it wouldn’t spoil anything if you don’t already know about it.

Even if you want to wait until after TYBW is already out, I would absolutely recommend watching it, it’s hilarious and has so many running jokes, with each character having their own bit.

(They do sometimes go through copyright hell, so sometimes episodes get taken down, but they usually get re-uploaded as soon as they can)

this sounds so cool oh my gosh bc im ngl bleach was a hell of a ride and i need More

[kiraheartilly36]

Bleach(S) abridged: The Worf effect

@torterracotta

[becomehaikyuu]

Haikyuu Chapter 371: On The Other Side Of The Globe

REFLECTION:

Ninja Shouyou. Got a nice ring to it. Plus, it fits in where the short jokes used to be.

Anyway, enter Hector Santana, a star volleyball player in desperate need of a partner. Hinata agrees and two stars twinkle a bit brighter in the sky that day. We get a flashback to a year and a half ago where we discover the most dangerous opponent besides stress for Hinata to overcome: SAND, the enemy of friction (For you Bleach S Abridged fans.). He undergoes the trials of the immigrant: has trouble getting around, gets robbed, goes home to a place where his roommate refuses to interact with him and he has no friends or family there to support him...but he's Shonen, so he pulls through. He ends up practicing with old people yet again where he learns something important about sand: it is strict but it is kind. Man, it's a shame that by the end of the chapter, this story has nothing left to surprise me with---WHY THE FUCK IS OIKAWA THERE?!

[system-of-a-feather]

You don't need to know bleach but 12:00 is a DID mood (if you do know bleach this is an S tier abridged series)

[halo20601]

Illusion Magic

(Based on a scene from "Bleach S Abridged," which I think pretty much sums up what Gus did to Bria and the Glandus kids in "Through the Looking Glass Ruins.")

Gus: I know what you're thinking: "Illusions are a weak magic, there's no way they can hurt me." Well, two things: You're a weak magic; and illusions just fucked you up.

[sagaciouscejai]

watching bleach s abridged and like it feels like im watching frieza era dbza again

[incorrctbleach]

Ichigo: Oh, spare me, Wonder boy. You're only doing this to prove I was wrong.

Uryu: Hey, at least I pretend to be nice to people!

Ichigo: Yeah, whatev… wait, pretend?

[tgrzrk]

Hi this is @bleached-socks main, I run the Seireitei Sexyman Tournament. I just wanted to say that I saw your tags about Aizen looking like Josh Grobin and wanted to ask if you’ve watched the Bleach (S) Abridged series by Project Mouthwash on YouTube? Because the series is hilarious and your comment reminded me of it

Lol yeah I just rewatched the abridged series recently. My partner and I exclusively refer to Aizen as Josh Groban because of it

[kcuf-ad]

Some Villain: What are they going to say when I use Gouki The Great Ogre against and brutally injure you, Playmaker?

Playmaker: They are going to probably ask, "How the hell did Gore defeat Playmaker?" and call shenanigans

Later, at the hospital

Ryoken: How the hell did Gore defeat Playmaker?

Skye: I call shenanigans .

[kitsmits]

Preview for new Bleach fanfic!

My latest project! I got back into Bleach in the last year after finding the hilarious and brilliantly done Bleach S Abridged series by Project Mouthwash. (Seriously, go watch it. Then watch their Fate/Stay Night: Unlimited Blade Works Abridged, even if you haven’t seen the actual series.)

A LOOOOONG time ago, before I even started working on TUTN, I had this idea for a Bleach fancharacter, and with my recent resurgence of interest in the series I resurrected her. Sort of. She’s definitely different from what I originally planned. (What else is new?)

Anywho, it’s going to be an Aizen/OC fic, main focus on the OC and her life. Like TUTN, it’s gonna be a long one (I swear, I don’t know how to write short stories), it’s gonna involve a lot of the original cast, and it’s gonna be epic. I’m quite excited for where it will go, and I hope readers will be, too!

Without further ado…here’s a preview from the Prologue:

Mono no Aware

Mono no aware (pron: “ah-wah-ray”): Japanese idiom with many translations, including “pathos of things” or “empathy for ephemera.” The feeling of gentle, wistful sadness one experiences knowing that nothing stays the same; everything is impermanent and, ultimately, without inherent meaning beyond what we give it.

Soul Society, circa 1553 C.E.

It happened in the space of a heartbeat.

Later, some would claim it began with a blinding flash; others would insist there’d been no light involved, only the sensation of a powerful shockwave. For the Souls of the Rukongai districts, there was no adequate description; they simply fell to the ground, unable to comprehend the phenomenon.

For the Shinigami of the Seireitei, it was a different matter. Many were frozen in place, overcome by a sense of unraveling. Even Urahara Kisuke felt his heart stop with something akin to existential dread, as though the strange energy challenged his very reality.

As quickly as it had come over him, the feeling dissipated, leaving him in a cold sweat. As he felt his heart beating soundly in his chest once again, Kisuke glanced around him. He wasn’t the only one. Every person, from the least remarkable Soul to his fellow Shinigami, wore similar expressions of shock and confusion.

Within seconds, the Shinigami around him exploded into action, seeking orders and trying to find out what had happened. Kisuke, his mouth set in a thin line, turned toward where he’d felt the strange phenomenon originate: the outer districts of the southern Rukongai. Within minutes, he’d flash-stepped across seventy-two districts, noting with mounting dread that the further out he went, the worse off the Souls living there were, and not just because of the living conditions. At District 73, many of the Souls were still unconscious, their loved ones trying desperately to revive them. District 75 showed the first signs of property destruction: overturned stands, blasted windows, damaged roofs.

Beyond the rubble of District 77, there was no Rukongai left.

Where once had stood ramshackle houses and filthy gutters of the three outermost districts, now there was…nothing. It wasn’t that the buildings had collapsed or been blown away, as they had in the last few; there was simply nothing left. No, that wasn’t quite accurate. The ground was still there, albeit looking like the outer layers of soil had been stripped away. Kisuke supposed that from the air, this whole area would appear as a crater.

What struck him more than what he was seeing was what he felt - a charge in the air, something that spoke to his most primordial, animalistic instincts. It set him on edge, making his heart race and the hairs on his neck and arms stand on end.

Whatever had caused this…it lingered.

Other Shinigami began to arrive on the scene, some from his own unit of the Stealth Division, many from other Divisions of the Gotei 13. The Kido Corps wouldn’t be far behind.

“What the hell happened here?” someone asked, a question that echoed across the ranks.

“Hey,” someone else exclaimed. “There’s someone there!”

Kisuke squinted. Yes - there was someone, or something, just barely visible in the distance. They moved slowly toward the gathering Shinigami, almost shambling in their gait, perhaps from injury. Then, without warning, they collapsed into a heap.

For a few seconds, no one moved. Then, a couple of Shinigami darted toward the figure.

“Wait! Stop!” Kisuke shouted at them. “We don’t know-“

He couldn’t finish his warning. The Shinigami got within a few meters of the figure when they suddenly halted as though hitting a wall. To Kisuke’s horror, they didn’t just stop moving; their bodies disintegrated, turning to dust from front to back. They didn’t even have time to scream before they were simply gone.

The other Shinigami fell back several steps, gasps reverberating across the crowds.

“Form a perimeter!” Kisuke shouted at the others, arms spread wide. “Everyone stay back, and someone get the Kido Corps out here! We need a barrier!”

He was mildly surprised when people obeyed. Huh. It seemed his new post as head of the Detention Unit was actually giving him some authority. Or maybe they were just glad someone had taken the lead.

Kisuke kept one eye on the unmoving figure as the rest of the Shinigami came to order, his mind turning the situation over. Clearly, the figure had something to do with whatever had happened here - whether as an innocent bystander or as the one who caused it was to be determined. As for what had happened…the best Kisuke could describe it was an explosion. Something had detonated in the outermost districts of the Southern Rukongai, and now those districts were no more. How many Souls had lived here? Would this affect the balance of the three worlds?

Kisuke banished those questions from his mind. That wasn’t his department. His effort would be better spent trying to figure out what happened, not what would happen.

To that end, he crouched down and picked up a few small rocks near his feet. Without a word, he started moving toward the figure, his steps slow and measured.

“Eh - wait, sir!” someone yelled after him. “I thought you said-“

Kisuke ignored him, stopping when he was a couple feet away from where the other Shinigami had perished. There was no sign of the two deceased, not even ash. Maybe any remnants had blown away on the wind? But there wasn’t any wind today. Turning his attention to the figure lying on the ground, his eyes widened.

It was a child - a young girl, from the looks of it. She was a skinny little thing, her age difficult to determine at a glance; some Souls kept the same child-like appearance for decades, after all. She was dressed simply, her white outfit akin to “European” styles in the Human World - increasingly common in this part of the Rukongai as Europeans continued to colonize and influence southern Asia. Her features were more of the latter, her skin light but tinged with bronze undertones, her hair dark with a burgundy sheen that reminded him of black maple trees.

Most of all, he was struck by just how untouched she seemed by whatever had happened. There were no bruises; the only scrapes were from her fall. Her clothes were clean and intact, which in itself was a rarity in the impoverished outermost districts. She even wore shoes, something he never saw this far out. If Kisuke wasn’t looking directly at her in the middle of what used to be District 78 or 79, he’d have guessed she’d been nowhere near this scene of destruction.

He gave the rocks he’d picked up a few turns in his hand before gently tossing one toward the girl. Just as predicted, it seemed to hit some sort of invisible field and completely dissolve. No dust - just gone. Atomized?

Taking his scabbard from his belt, he reached out with it and slashed the ground, marking it just short of where the rock had disappeared. Walking sideways around the girl, he repeated the experiment three more times, each time with the same results, each time slashing the ground. When he finished, he plopped onto the dirt, sitting cross-legged and resting his chin in one hand.

“I wouldn’t go beyond those marks for now,” he told Tessai when the Kido Corps head arrived. “Not if you want to keep your limbs, anyway.”

Tessai and his Kido specialists buzzed around him, performing a plethora of tests that Kisuke had no interest in at that moment. Every now and then, he tossed another pebble her way. The first dozen or so times, nothing changed; the pebbles ceased to exist before getting near her. But gradually, he noticed a shift.

The pebbles were getting closer - whatever field surrounded the girl was shrinking.

By now, more captains had arrived, including Yamamoto himself. Over the past few hours, Kisuke’s pebbles had gotten ever closer to the child’s vulnerable form. On the one hand, this was good news: whatever strange energy surrounded the girl seemed to be dissipating, lessening the danger with every passing hour.

On the other hand, Kisuke had a pretty good notion of what would happen to the kid once his fellow Shinigami could reach her unimpeded.

Kisuke stood for the first time in hours, stretched, and abandoned his self-appointed vigil. If his estimates were right, he had about an hour or so before the field around the girl completely disappeared. He had to work quickly.

The 2nd Division headquarters were quiet when he arrived - the Stealth Division was busy keeping tabs on the public while the rest of the Gotei 13 dealt with the crisis at hand. There was one person still here, and she was curled up cat-like in her throne, just as he’d expected her to be.

“‘Ay, Yoruichi-taicho,” Kisuke greeted, not bothering with his usual attempts to sneak up on her. She looked like she was asleep, but he knew better. “Hard at work as always, I see.”

Yoruichi cracked open a single golden eye. “Eh? Bored already, Kisuke?”

“Nah,” he gave a dismissive wave. “Quite the opposite, really. Actually, I have a favor to ask.”