#binti home

[esevik]

The next book I’ll be reading the continuation of Binti by Nnedi Okorafor titled Home.

In the first book the protagonist Binti left her home/ran away to join a prestigious university in space. However on her way there the ship got attacked by aliens and she ended up being the only survivor (kind of, the pilot survived too but he wasn’t aware of the carnage). Then some stuff happened and she ended up becoming the aliens’ spokesperson and created a truce between them and the humans. However because she became this spokesperson her DNA melded with the alien’s a bit and her hair turned into more tentacle like appendixes.

With this book titled “Home” I guess she’ll return home and deal with how her family responds to what has happened to her.

I’ll read the Swedish translation like the first book. This book also has chapters! Making my blogging a bit easier.

[haveyoureadthisscifibook]

vote yes if you have finished the entire book.

vote no if you have not finished the entire book.

(faq · submit a book)

[thunderandsage]

bookstore finds!

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #53 – Binti by Nnedi Okarafor

This is one of those works that has been vaguely on my radar for years and years now – I have entirely lost track of the number of places I’ve seen it recommended as some of the best or most original science fiction of the 2010s. So when my hold finally came in on it, I went in more or less blind – which was, frankly, a fatal mistake. I bounced harder off of this than I have very nearly anything I can remember – if it was any longer I probably wouldn’t have bothered finishing the story. I got the whole trilogy as a compendium, and I’m certainly not going to force myself through the rest of it. Which is a shame, because there are plenty of original ideas in there, but (to me, at least) it’s an absolutely brutal failure of form and execution.

The story follows the eponymous Binti, a prodigy and savant in mathematics and the quasi-magical ‘harmonizing’ – creation and manipulation of electric currents. At age 16, she received accepted into the planet-spanning Oomza University and, despite the clear disapproval of her family and her people’s traditional isolationism, she runs away from home and aboard an interstellar transport to take her away. But when the ship is attacked by the Medusae – an alien species with a grudge against the university – a personal keepsake that turns out to be a powerful ancient relic allow her to survive when every other passenger is slaughtered where they stand – and eventually even communicate with the aliens who have seized the ship. She learns that they attacked as part of a plan to steal back their leader’s stinger, and convinces them to let her be their ambassador and attempt to get it through negotiation with the university administration instead. After she proves her willingness to argue on their behalf, they agree – and once they arrive at the university, the administration does as well. Both she and the young Medusae she forged something of a friendship with are welcomed as students, and she has to reckon with the dramatic changes being tested and healed by the medusae caused in her. Fin.

That is much more of a plot summary than I usually write for these things, but I guess my first big issue with the story is just that that’s basically everything that happens in the book? This feels like it could be quite easily cut down to a tight, compelling short story – or else expanded into a full novel, with enough space to give things time to breathe and allow for foreshadowing with more subtlety than a sledgehammer to the face. As is, the story feels both kind of meandering and like the plot beats are a first draft that never had the space to go back and add any real interest or surprise to them.

Which would honestly have been far more forgivable if not for the prose. This is shelved as young adult but in terms of sentence complexity and the way things are phrased it honestly feels closer to middle grade? Or, at least, every sentence was very simple and very explicit and direct, in a way that I quickly found clunky and then intensely grating to read. A friend described it as reading like it was translated from a different language, which doesn’t seem to be the case but I honestly wouldn’t be at all surprised.

Everything is also just thematically very convenient, I guess? Not even that the random relic Binti found in the sand as a child and keeps as a good luck charm turns out to be a hyper-advanced technological plot device, but that for unclear reasons the otjize dye that she (and the very real Namibian Himba ethnic group she’s a member of) use to plait and colour hair is to the Medusae a miraculous panacea which heals scars none of their own technology (capable of creating interspecies hybrids and inducing mutations with a single injection) could touch. Which is a level of thematic bluntness that’s just much more fitting for a children’s story than what I went into this expecting or hoping for.

I could go on, but there’s not really any point – to be positive, the worldbuilding hinted at is intriguing and evocative like absolutely everyone says it is. The whole reading experience was just a terrible failure of marketing, I think – I can’t recall the last time I read a book I ostensibly should have liked that is quite so forcefully Not For Me. Which is odd, because I actually quite enjoyed the other novella of Okorafor I read. But then, Remote Control was written six years later and for an adult audience.

[doubledaybooks]

Read an Excerpt from "Between Two Moons" by Aisha Abdel Gawad

Bay Ridge was about to fast for a whole month of fifteen-­hour days. We would be one dry mouth, one rumbling belly, one pounding head. Mothers would wake at least an hour before dawn to make the suhoor meal, to scramble eggs and basturma in skillets. And when the children and the husbands finally woke up, usually with only a few minutes to spare, the mothers would stuff the mixture into pita halves so their families could eat more quickly, in time to perform wudu and pray with the sun. It was your last chance to eat and drink and smoke and fuck and curse and gossip and think unkind thoughts until the sun set again in the evening.

Baba shuffled after Mama like a bad dog. Lina stood up and yawned, letting out a long moan. Mama made us a breakfast of hard-­boiled eggs, mashed fava beans, and sliced tomatoes. We sat around the kitchen table, shoveling food sleepily into our mouths, letting bits of egg dribble down our chins. After we’d eaten, Mama stood sentry over us and watched as we each downed three full glasses of water.

“I’m going back to bed,” Lina said after she’d finished.

“Haram, ya binti,” Mama said and grabbed the collar of her Wu-­Tang T-­shirt.

The sun was creeping up the horizon and we still needed to pray Fajr. Mama dragged the coffee table to the corner of the living room to clear space for the four of us to pray all lined up. Then she brought us a basket of delicate white prayer scarves with edges like doilies. Lina and I each slipped one on, and then Mama pointed to the bathroom. We zombie-­shuffled over to it, purposefully knocking into each other as we went.

Lina and I stood side by side in front of the bathroom sink. Silently, we washed ourselves with cold New York City tap water. We were efficient and thorough. In the name of God, state your intent to perform wudu. Wash both hands up to the wrists. Rinse your mouth three times. Clean your nostrils, breathing in water and blowing it out three times. Rinse your face three times. Wash your arms up to the elbows three times. Slick your hair back like an Italian mobster, once. Wash your ears. Wash your feet. Do you feel cleansed? Are you ready?

After we had performed wudu, Mama wanted Baba, our patriarch, to stand in front and lead us in prayers, but he was annoyed about being late to the shop. Baba didn’t like to pray—­sometimes, when he was feeling nostalgic about the old days in the old country, he would tell me about the time he was eighteen and he stormed out of his village masjid back in Egypt.

“That stupid imam, he tell me man come from ball of clay and clot of blood, and I tell him, What, are you stupid? Man, he come from monkey, not clay! So I leave and I go home and I tell my mama, Mama, I’m not praying anymore. And ever since that day, I never pray again.”

Except, of course, he did pray again. Countless times. But I think I know what he meant. He meant that he never really felt it again, never again believed that it would help him ace a test or publish the poems he wrote in the margins of his school notebooks. He prayed now like a man following orders, like a man too tired to put up a fight.

The clock on the mantel chimed. It was like a cuckoo clock, except instead of birds it opened to reveal a tiny golden Ka’ba that spun and played a recording of a famous muezzin from Egypt reciting the call to prayer. A robotic voice told us that prayer is better than sleep. There are no minarets in Brooklyn. God’s name does not echo across the buildings. There is nothing but a clock on the wall.

Baba was persuaded to stand in front of us, his womenfolk, and lead prayers. But he rushed through all his rakat, touching his forehead to the carpet for only a moment before standing up again. The rest of us were only halfway through when we heard the door close behind him.

When we had finished, Lina and I squeezed together in her bed. I tried to close my eyes and determine whether I felt any different on the first day of the holy month. The month when, a zillion years ago, the Prophet Muhammad received his first revelations up on that mountaintop. He thought he was just a poor illiterate orphan escaping to the mountain to rest his mind. But then the Angel Jibrail came down, and—­bam—­all of a sudden he was a prophet, the prophet.

For some that summer, the next thirty days would be filled with prayers and reflections and recitations. Bodies and minds would be purified. But for the rest of us, it would be thirty days of waiting for the sun to set so we could eat and drink without incurring the judgment of all the collective mothers and grandmothers and aunties of Bay Ridge, who with one wagging finger and one cluck of the tongue could banish us into a prison of guilt.

The waiting. Every Ramadan, people waited for Lina to change. To be struck with the spirit of Islam, to ditch her cutoffs and halter tops for a nice, modest abaya. To hang out after prayers with the good Muslim girls at the Starbucks on 3rd instead of drinking with the Mexicans in Sunset Park. And every Ramadan, Lina waited for people to go ahead and give up on her.

Baba waited for Mama to mellow, to hang up her abayas, put down her Qur’an, and become once again the quietly irreverent girl he had married.

Mama waited for us, her husband and daughters, to believe as we ought to.

They both waited for Sami, their boy, their firstborn, to come back to them.

I waited for something without a name. A jolt, a tingling, a filling up.

Ordinarily, I didn’t care much about Ramadan. But that summer, with our high-­school graduation only days away, it felt momentous. Suddenly the things around me—­tables, books, clouds—­were imbued with meaning that I was supposed to be able to decipher but couldn’t. In September, I would go to college, and I was sure that by then I would be different. I would push and the world would stumble in response.

Lying next to Lina that first morning, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine the woman I was destined to become. I saw a glimmer of my own future arm, thinner, with a figure-­eight tattoo curling around my wrist. I smiled to myself, but then I realized that I had stolen this wrist off the girl who served us pizza yesterday after school. It was her tattoo, her skin, her body. I had plagiarized my own imaginings of myself. So, eyes closed, I kept waiting for knowledge to strike me like an arrow in the heart.

These are the normal kinds of waiting that fill the long, dry-­mouthed days of Ramadan. But this Ramadan, this particularly long and hot Ramadan, there was another kind of waiting that we all shared. It kept everyone in Bay Ridge strung together on a long, tenuous thread, knocking into one another like prayer beads.

[logarithmicpanda]

I've been looking at the past few years of reviews I've done and I thought I'd compile a list 👀

Crossed out are the ones I wouldn't actually reread lmao, bolded are the ones I kinda want to reread in 2024, in italics the ones I've reread recently

Best books of 2015:

If I Stay

The Well of Ascension

All the Bright Places

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

Hero of Ages

The Wrath and the Dawn

Queen of Shadows

Alloy of Law

A Monster Calls

Emperor's Soul

Best books of 2016:

Drrr!!x2

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making

Uprooted

Ancillary Justice

Ancillary Sword

The Princess Saves Herself in That One

A Court of Mist and Fury

The Night Circus

Ancillary Mercy

This is Where It Ends

The Wilful Princess and the Piebald Prince

Equal Rites

Best books of 2017:

Truthwitch

Binti

Binti: Home

The Bone Witch

The Hate You Give

The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet

Strange the Dreamer

A Close and Common Orbit

Elantris

The Way of Kings

Wintersong

Soulless

Provenance

Best books of 2018:

The Cruel Prince

Binti: The Night Maskerade

The Fate of the Tearling

The Heart Forger

Starfish

The Poppy War

The Stars are Legion

Spinning Silver

The Queen of Blood

A Very Large Expanse of Sea

My Sister, The Serial Killer

The Fifth Season

Best books of 2019:

Maskerade

House of Many Ways

Alice Isn't Dead

Geekerella

In an Absent Dream

Ninefox Gambit

The Princess and the Fangirl

Summer Bird Blue

Night Flights

The Calculating Stars

Revenant Gun

The Fated Sky

Best books of 2020:

Starless Sea

Velocity Weapon

Upside Down

The Wolf of Oren Yaro

The Midnight Lie

Network Effect

A Song Below Water

Loveless

Piranesi

A Deadly Education

The Winter of the Witch

Witchmark

Legendborn

Watch Over Me

Burning Roses

The Ikessar Falcon

Night Watch

[bookcub]

Hii, I'm currently making my way through a pretty heavy 13 book fantasy series rn and in the lookout for some novellas to break it up. I was wondering if you had any recommendations?

Oh yeah, sure no problem!!

A Spindle Splintered by Alix E Harrow is like is the mutiverse of Sleeping Beauty and very fun and friendship focused! Pretty fast paced as well

P. Djeli Clark has three novellas that are set in 1912 Cairo. I only read his full length novel, but everyone else claims the novellas are even better. There's an investigator of magic and she solves and prevents crime! First one is A Dead Djinn in Cairo

I'm not super into scifi, but if you want very soft scifi with low stress, Becky Chambers is known for her work. A Psalm for the Wild-Built is a human and robot discussing philosophy for most of it.

Of course, any of the Wayward Children series by Seanan McGuire is a series of related books about children who travel to magic lands and then travel back to their first homes. These have a loose order to them but many can be read as standalones. Every Heart a Doorway is the first one.

I haven't read Binti by Nnedi Okorafor in forever but I remember really enjoying it! It's a hard scifi tale set in space!

Even Though I Knew the End by CL Polk is a noir esque fantasy novella that's very mysterious and has an interesting tone.

Hope this is a good list to start! I find graphic novels also helpful breaks if you need any of recs for those, let me know!

[princessanisharosnah]

Anisha 101: Family

Anisha is very close with her mother and siblings and that doesn't appear to have changed since the wedding because she's been photographed with them multiple times.

Siti Mariam binti Isa

Anisha's mother, Mariam, comes from a prominent Bruneian political family with close ties to the royals. Her father, Isa bin Ibrahim, is the former Deputy Attorney General, Minister of Home Affairs, and current Special Advisor to the Sultan. Also, her brother, Ahmad bin Isa, is the current Attorney General and her grandfather, Ibrahim bin Mohammad Jaafar, was the first Chief Minister of Brunei and later Speaker of the Legislative Council.

Danial Deen Isa Kalebic

Danial is Anisha's older brother and a very close friend of Prince Mateen. He earned a master's degree in international marketing from King's College London and now owns a restaurant chain called The Potato Habit that sells fancy french fries.

Janetira Attaskulchai

Janetira is Anisha's sister-in-law and good friend. She married Danial in 2022 but even before that her and Anisha started a clothing company together called Silk Collective. She's from Thailand and her family owns a beverage company called Betagen. Like her in-laws she completed her higher education in the UK where she graduated from Regent's University London's Business School.

Marina Isa Kalebic

Marina is Anisha's younger sister. She graduated from the University of Bath and now works at AlphaSights.

Idris Isa Kalebic

Idris is Anisha's younger brother. He is currently student at the University of Oxford pursuing a master's of philosophy in comparative government.

Adam Kalebic

Anisha's father also goes by the names Ivica Kalebic and Adam bin Abdullah. He is originally from Croatia and founded Fratini's Restaurant in Brunei. Adam and Mariam had a pretty nasty divorce in 2009 and Anisha is rarely seen with him. She has four half-siblings from her father's previous relationships that she seems friendly if not particularly close with. He has since remarried to Dea Roxas.

[globalworship]

Binti Sunle/Listen to My Prayer (Hindi song)

A Hindi song released a few days ago from Filadelfia Music. Instrumentation includes harmonium, dholak drum, and acoustic guitar.

Two earlier versions by Aradhna are lower in this blog post.

English translation below the first video.

+++

Auto -translation of lyrics:

O dear Jesus, listen to my prayer (2) Stay with me, O lord Now please save my honour Prabhuji [Lord], please save my honour

I request you with folded hands Now listen to my request I am hoping for you Show me your darshan* today Now save my honour

I want to be called your martyr I hope to see you I will sing your praises for ages My Garib Nawaz** Now you save my honour

You are the star of my eyes The darling of my heart You are my savior You are my king Now you save my honor

* "Darshan" is a holy vision ** "Garib Nawaz" is an Arabic phrase that translates to "Benefactor of the Poor".

+++

The song was composed by Peter John of Gurgaon.

Filadelfia Music, Rajastha (I think), India https://www.facebook.com/filadelfiamusicinternational/

"Filadelfia Music exists to help you worship God in Spirit and in truth. An arm of the Filadelfia Fellowship Church of India, Filadelfia Music produces Hindi gospel music and Hindi Christian worship songs for the glory of God. Filadelfia Music believes that songs help you to worship but worship is more than songs or music, it is a 24/7 lifestyle and so is not to be limited to any space or stage. It is written, "Whatever you do, do all for the glory of God" (1 Cor 10:31). As we do this it becomes our worship, and the sound of heaven resounds in our homes and our streets."

+++

in 2004, my friends Chris Hale (sitar and vocals) and Pete Hicks (guitar and vocacls), of the band Aradhna, released this 8-minute version of the song on their terrific "Satsang" album:

+++

In this 5-min video, Aradhna plays Binti Sunle in Varanasi on September 4, 2010.

[codabound]

Rating Leasebound Characters #3: Family Members.

Moving on to the family members of Leasebound, starting off with...

Josephine Anderson, or Josie. 4.5/10. I actually think that the lore of Jaden's backstory was super realistic and depicted what it's like for a struggling mother to try and cope with the sudden death of her husband, and subsequently the treatment of her children as a result. The exhaustion and the unintentional lashing out really hits home, even though I personally have not experienced the death of a loved one or parent. However, where I take issue is how far both the comic and Rusty's fanbase have gone to defend Josie in regards to her treatment of Jaden and Jacob. Even if it was not intentional for Josie to have favoritism and parentify Jaden, these are still issues that she is actively partaking in, and I find it kind of odd just how defensive Rusty's fanbase seems to get over her.

Next up, Julia Duah, or Nana. 6/10. Not very much to her as far as I've seen. She's a protective yet chill grandmother, and that's really all I can say.

Third up, Jacobus Anderson. 2/10. Basically nothing to actually say about him. He existed for the sole purpose of dying. That's about it.

Fourth on the roster, Jacob Anderson. 3/10. There isn't exactly a whole lot to gleam off of Jacob, he's not too much of a character, but I do find the weird and incredibly aggressive attitude Rusty and her fans appear to hold towards him a little off-putting. This guy is 16. A whole teenager. Yet I've seen people basically equating him to basement dweller status, which is... Really odd?

Fifth on our list is Meriam Binti Aayiz. There's a lot that can be said about Meriam, and a lot of it... Isn't great. 3/10. First of all, the obvious, the small Islamophobia the moment that she's introduced by immediately having her remove her hijab for no reason other than Rusty and her fans viewing hijabs as patriarchy. Then of course, we move on to the back story elements, and her subsequently abusive relationship. I have never had to suffer in an abusive relationship with somebody to the degree that Meriam had faced in the comics story, so I'll keep my opinion minimal, and just say that there are aspects about her story that I believe were a little off or distasteful. Other than that, not much else to say.

Crystal Smith, or Rocky. 4/10. There isn't really much I feel for Rocky, since there hasn't exactly been a whole lot written about her. I do think its cute that she likes horses though. I do also appreciate that her trauma manifests in the form of selective mutism, albeit I don't appreciate how Rusty later mocks this in another character, but we'll get to that.

Next up is Karissa Jones, and I give her a solid 6.5/10. I actually find a lot about her current lore to be pretty interesting, with her resentment towards her mother and family due to their trauma surrounding men, and how that ends up opposing her relationship with her boyfriend and her wanting them to trust him. I think it would be a very interesting avenue to explore, albeit given this is Rusty? I doubt that it'll be done in a satisfying or appropriate fashion, if at all. We'll likely never end up coming back to it.

And finally, we have Christina Taylor. 4/10. Not really much to go off of here. She exists, and that's about it.

[lifeofresulullah]

The Life of The Prophet Muhammad(pbuh): First Migration, the Year of Sorrow, the Splitting of the Moon

The Messenger of Allah Continues Conveying the Message

The Holy Prophet (PBUH) felt lonely after the death of our mother, Hazrat Khadija. Both our Holy Prophet (PBUH) and his companions were aware of this situation.

One day, Hazrat Uthman bin Maz’un’s wife, Lady Hawla, came to the presence of our Holy Prophet (PBUH) and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! When I came to your presence I suddenly sensed Khadijah’s absence.”

To which our Holy Prophet (PBUH) replied, “Yes, she was the mother of my children as well as the guardian of my home,” signifying that Hazrat Khadija’s transition to the eternal world had left a gap.

Upon this talk of the (pbuh), Hawla binti Hakim said, “Oh Allah’s Apostle! Would you like to get married?”

The Prophet said, “Whom?”

“To Abu Bakr’s daughter, Aisha, or Sawda bint Zama…”

After this dialogue, the Messenger of Allah said to Hawla, “Go and talk to both of them on behalf of me!”

Upon this, Lady Hawla rushed to Hazrat Abu Bakr’s home. Umm Ruman, Hazrat Aisha’s mother, was there.

“O Umm Ruman, do you know what blessings and benevolence Allah has granted you?”

Lady Ruman asked, “What?” Lady Hawla replied, “Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) has sent me to ask for Aisha’s hand in marriage”.

Since Hazrat Abu Bakr was not at home at that time, Umm Ruman did not give any answer to Hawla. She said, “Wait till Abu Bakr comes home.”

When Hazrat Abu Bakr came, Hawla asked in the same manner, “O Abu Bakr, do you know what blessings and benevolence Allah has granted you?”

Abu Bakr replied, “What are they?”

Hawla replied, “Allah’s Apostle has sent me to ask for Aisha’s hand in marriage.”

After thinking for some time, Hazrat Abu Bakr asked, “Considering that Aisha is his brother’s daughter, would it be permissible for him to marry her?”

Hawla immediately returned to our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) presence and explained the situation to him. Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) answered: “Return to Abu Bakr. Tell him that “me being your brother and you being mine (does not include siblinghood through blood and milk) is brotherhood in Islam. For that reason, your daughter is lawful for me.”

When Hawla returned and made this known, Hazrat Abu Bakr’s worries were lifted. He engaged and wed his daughter Hazrat Aisha to our Holy Prophet (PBUH) in the month of Shawwal. However, the wedding was postponed until a later date. 

The Prophet Marries Sawda

Then, Hawla went to Sawda bint Zam’a.

Hazrat Sawda was Sakran bin Amr’s wife. She was among the first Muslim women and had migrated to Abyssinia with her husband. They returned to Mecca much later. After returning, Hazrat Sawda saw a dream in which the moon glided towards and then descended upon her. When she explained what she had seen to her husband, she received this response:

“If your dream is true, I will die soon. You will marry after me!”

Indeed, Sakran got ill after a while and died. Hazrat Sawda was a widow.

Lady Hawla, whom our Holy Prophet (PBUH) had sent, told her, “Allah’s Apostle has sent me to ask your hand in marriage.”  Upon hearing this, Hazrat Sawda was immensely happy. However, she had one concern: Would our Holy Prophet (PBUH) accept her five small children?

Due to her worries, she did not immediately respond. Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) wanted to honor and reward a mujahid (warrior) who had possessed the courage and devotion to leave her home, country, and family for the sake of her religion. For that reason, when our Holy Prophet (PBUH) did not receive a response he went to speak with her personally. “What keeps you from marrying me?” he asked.

Hazrat Sawda said, “By Allah, O Messenger of Allah, there is no important reason that prevents me from marrying you but I fear that my children will disturb you by whining; therefore, I hold back!”

Upon this, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) replied, “May Allah show compassion to you! The most favorable of women are those who encounter difficulties due to their small children,” expressing that she had no need to worry. Afterwards he said, “Arrange for someone within the tribe to marry us.”

Hazrat Sawda chose her former brother-in-law Hatib bin Amr. He married Hazrat Sawda to our Holy Prophet (PBUH) during the 10th year of the Islamic calendar. At that time, Hazrat Sawda was 55 years old. 

As it is seen, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) married this elderly woman only due to the devotion and loyalty she had towards Allah and her faith and through such means, he was taking her under his protection and allowing her to attain the honor of being “a mother of the believers.”

The Prophet goes to Taif

The polytheists considered the deaths of Abu Talib and Hazrat Khadijah as an opportunity to do as they wished. It was as if they were waiting for this day; they tortured and abused our Holy Prophet (PBUH) at far greater levels than they had before. Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was unable to deliver his message as a result of the immense cruelty, insults, and torture to which he was subjected.

The polytheists’ ruthless attitude was affecting our Holy Prophet (PBUH) greatly. For that reason, he decided to go to Taif. He intended to invite the city’s inhabitants to follow Islam and to seek patronage from the Thaqif Tribe that resided there.

Taif was one of Arabia’s important places. Its gardens were famous. Furthermore, Bani Sayed, the tribe to which our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) wet-nurse Halima belonged, lived close-by. Naturally, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was hopeful that the inhabitants of this region would feel partial to and convert to Islam. If his hopes were realized, he would have acquired a great force against the polytheists of the Quraysh.

The date was the 27th of Shawwal, 10th year of the prophethood.

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) and Hazrat Zaid bin Harith left Mecca in secrecy and later arrived in Taif. He invited its inhabitants to Islam. He explained that he had come to request their alliance against those who were opposed to him and attacking him within his tribe. However, he did not attain any positive results within the 10 days of his visit. In fact, they replied with insults and mocked him. Our Beloved Prophet (PBUH) also faced several accusations.

One of the chiefs went as far as to arrogantly say, “Could Allah not have found someone else to send as a prophet instead of you?;”; this comment greatly saddened his holy heart. Someone else said, “By God, “I do not want to talk to you, for if you are in fact a Prophet, then to oppose you is to invite trouble, and if you only pretend to be one, why should I talk with an impostor?”. 

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) understood from their words and behavior that no good would come from the people of Thaqif and was saddened as a result.

He was worried that the polytheists would hear about this situation and become more audacious. For that reason, as he was leaving Taif, he said, “At least keep this between us! No one else should hear what has happened.”

However, the inhabitants of Taif, who lived in a state of utter disbelief, did not comply with this request either. They were afraid that the youth would take interest in Islam thus they said to our Holy Prophet (PBUH): Go wherever you want to go but just leave our country! You came to us when your tribe and countrymen rejected what you have said! By God, we are going to stay as far away from you as we can and will not accept your wishes.” 

The people of Thaqif, who competed with the Meccan polytheists in their worship of Lat and Uzza did not stop there. They provoked their hooligans, street youth, and slaves against our Holy Prophet (PBUH), who was a guest in their region.

These raving and ill-mannered fools lined both sides of the street to stone the Master of the Universe (PBUH) and Hazrat Zaid. Our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) holy feet were completely drenched in blood; the wounds he had received from these strikes prevented him from walking. From time to time, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) would have no choice but to sit down. Nevertheless, these remorseless fools continued to stone his feet each time he lifted them from the ground, which he did with great difficulty. While our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was being tortured, their strikes, jeers, and cackles only further increased.

Hazrat Zaid thought nothing of his own life as he willingly used his body as a shield for our Holy Prophet (PBUH.) He was trying to hinder the rocks from reaching the Master of the Universe (PBUH.) However, his efforts were futile. He too was drenched in blood.

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was only able to escape this despicable attack by throwing himself in an orchard. The owners of this orchard were two brothers by the name of Utba and Shayba bin Rabia who were our Beloved Prophet’s (PBUH) distant relatives.

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) threw himself under a grapevine in a state of extreme exhaustion. After slightly recovering from the trauma of this shameful incident, he made this sorrowful appeal:

“My Lord! I only express and complain to you about the feebleness of my strength and about being held in contempt among the people.

“Oh Allah, Most Merciful of all those capable of showing mercy! You are the Lord of the weak. Only You are my Lord. You possess enough compassion not to allow me to fall into the hands of an ill-mannered and shameless enemy.

“My Lord! As long as I do not encounter Your wrath I will endure what I am given. However, Your mercy is expansive enough to not allow them to do this to me.

“I seek refuge in Your Divine light that illuminates darkness, puts the affairs of the afterlife in place; I seek refuge from acquiring Your wrath and not receiving Your consent!

“My Lord, I seek Your forgiveness until You are pleased!

“My Lord! Every power only exists through You!” 

Addas, the Slave

The two brothers turned their feelings of sympathy into fruition after observing from afar the vile and atrocious attacks to which our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was subjected. They sent grapes to our Holy Prophet (PBUH) by means of their slave Addas.

Addas brought a plate with grapes to our Beloved Prophet (PBUH.) When the Master of the Universe (PBUH) said, “Bismillah” (in the name of Allah) and began eating, Addas paid close attention. He said to himself, “By God, the people of this region do not know nor utter these words.”

The Master of the Universe (PBUH) asked, “O Addas, which religion do you follow?”

Addas replied, “I am from Ninova and I am a Christian.”

“So you are a compatriot of the Prophet Yunus ibn Matta?”

“How do you know Yunus Ibn Matta?”

“He is my brother. He was a Prophet. I am also a Prophet.”

Upon this, Addas could not contain himself; he kissed our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) head, hands, and feet.

One of the owners of the vineyard who was watching this scene from afar said to the other, “Your man broke the slave’s creed right before your eyes.”

When Addas returned, they both suddenly scolded him. “Shame on you, Addas! How could you kiss that man’s head, feet, and hands?”

Addas replied, “There is no one on Earth who is more auspicious than him! He told me something that only a Prophet could know.” 

Our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) Compassion and Mercy

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) left the orchard and sadly proceeded on his way since he had not reached any positive terms with the Thaqif tribe. There was a distance of a span of two palaces left until Mecca when he noticed a cloud shading him. After glancing carefully, he noticed that this cloud held Hazrat Jibril within.

Jibril shouted, “Undoubtedly, Allah has heard what the tribe has said to you. He sent you the angel in charge of these mountains. You can command him to do what it is that you want for that tribe.”

At that moment, the angel of the mountains came forth and said he was willing to follow our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) commands and that he could have the Abu Qubais and Quayqan mountains come crashing upon the polytheists if our Holy Prophet (PBUH) wanted.

However, the wishes of the Holy Prophet (PBUH), who was a fountain of compassion and mercy, were different. He replied:

“No, I do not want that. I only hope from Allah that the descendants of these polytheists will worship Allah without associating any partners to Him.” 

Yes, our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) purpose was not to eradicate others with his malediction nor was it to devastate them with troubles and calamities. On the contrary, his purpose was to have others attain faith, guidance and eternal happiness. His every step, action, and undertaking was in line with the realization of this goal. For that reason, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) spent his every minute performing various acts of worship and his every moment elapsed into time as a bright episode.

The Jinn Listen to the Prophet

Before returning to Mecca, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) rested in a place called Nahla for some time. When he started to perform a prayer, a group of Nusaybin jinn became Muslims upon hearing our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) recital of the Quran. Afterwards, they returned to their tribe and invited their kin to testify to faith. 

The Quran informs us of this incident: “And when We inclined toward thee (Muhammad) certain of the jinn, who wished to hear the Qur'an and, when they were in its presence, said: Give ear! and, when it was finished, turned back to their people, warning. They said:  O our people! Lo! we have heard a scripture which hath been revealed after Moses, confirming that which was before it, guiding unto the truth and a right road. (30) O our people! respond to Allah’s summoner and believe in Him. He will forgive you some of your sins and guard you from a painful doom.” 

Entering Makkah

After residing in Batn Nahl for a period of time, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) headed towards Mecca. He knew that the Quraysh would not allow him to easily enter the city. For that reason, he had to acquire patronage from someone so he could enter Mecca in accordance with the tradition of the time.

Therefore, when he reached Hira, he sent someone to ask for the protection of Mut’im b. Adiyy, the polytheist. Mut’im accepted his wish, armed his sons and went to Hira together with them; then, he took the Prophet to Makkah. 

The polytheists were angered by Mut’im’s actions but did not say anything.

The Master of the Universe (PBUH) circumambulated the Kaba amid the polytheists’ glares that were filled with much enmity, prayed two rakahs there; then, he went to his home from there.

Throughout their lives, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) and the rest of the Muslims never forgot this kind gesture practiced by Mutim bin Adiyy, who was a polytheist. Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) even reminisced of this incident upon the Muslims’ victory against the polytheists in the Battle of Badr.

Mutim’s son, Jabir, came to Madina to speak on behalf of the slaves that were captured during Badr. After listening to Jabir’s request, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) said:

“If your father Mut’im had been alive and made a request on behalf of these men, I would have undoubtedly handed them over to Mut’im.”

[esevik]

Chapter 9

Binti reminiscens about when she first found the edan (not sure what they call it in English but this is the word used in Swedish).

I wonder why her dad is so ashamed at being part of the desert people to the point of not wanting to talk about it. And how will this affect his relationship with Binti moving forward as it seems she might fit better with them than with the himba.

[quoththemaven]

2023 Favoritest Book Reads

Vineland - Pynchon, Thomas

Prophet - Blaché, Sin & Helen Macdonald

And the Ass Saw the Angel - Cave, Nick

Lou Reed: The King of New York - Hermes, Will 

The Color of Magic (Discworld, #1; Rincewind, #1) - Pratchett, Terry

Steal Like an Artist: 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative - Kleon, Austin 

Sonic Life: A Memoir - Moore, Thurston

The Fifth Season (The Broken Earth, #1) - Jemisin, N.K. 

Fuzz: When Nature Breaks the Law - Roach, Mary

Everyone's a Aliebn When Ur a Aliebn Too - Sun, Jonny

The Night Masquerade (Binti, #3) - Okorafor, Nnedi 

Home (Binti, #2) - Okorafor, Nnedi 

Binti: Sacred Fire (Binti, #1.5) - Okorafor, Nnedi 

Binti (Binti, #1) - Okorafor, Nnedi 

Black Paradox - Ito, Junji

David Bowie's Low (33 1/3) - Wilcken, Hugo

Faith, Hope and Carnage - Cave, Nick

The Sirens of Titan - Vonnegut Jr., Kurt

Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth - Aslan, Reza

Smashed - Ito, Junji

Time Shelter - Gospodinov, Georgi

Brian Eno's Another Green World (33 1/3) - Dayal, Geeta

Armageddon in Retrospect - Vonnegut Jr., Kurt

Neverwhere (London Below, #1) - Gaiman, Neil 

The Committed (The Sympathizer #2) - Nguyen, Viet Thanh 

Into the Great Wide Open - Canty, Kevin 

Mongrels - Jones, Stephen Graham 

DisneyWar - Stewart, James B.

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex - Roach, Mary

The Left Hand of Darkness - Le Guin, Ursula K.

My Bloody Valentine's Loveless (33 1/3) - McGonigal, Mike 

Suttree - McCarthy, Cormac

Life's Work: A Memoir - Milch, David

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue - Schwab, V.E.

Against the Day - Pynchon, Thomas

Burn It Down: Power, Complicity, and a Call for Change in Hollywood - Ryan, Maureen 

Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA (33 1/3) - Himes, Geoffrey

La Moustache - Carrère, Emmanuel

Janelle Monáe’s The ArchAndroid (33 1/3) - Favreau, Alyssa 

Sooner or Later Everything Falls Into the Sea - Pinsker, Sarah 

The Man Without a Shadow - Oates, Joyce Carol

The City & the City - Miéville, China 

Mem - Morrow, Bethany C. 

Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind - Harari, Yuval Noah

Arcade Fire’s The Suburbs (33 1/3) - Eidelstein, Eric

Gutshot - Gray, Amelia 

The Price of Time (Watch What You Wish For #1) - Tigner, Tim 

The Revolution Was Televised: The Cops, Crooks, Slingers and Slayers Who Changed TV Drama Forever - Sepinwall, Alan 

Just Kids - Smith, Patti 

Sounds Like Titanic: A Memoir - Hindman, Jessica Chiccehitto 

Flicker - Roszak, Theodore

Tinderbox: HBO's Ruthless Pursuit of New Frontiers - Miller, James Andrew 

Flashback - Simmons, Dan

Flaming Lips' Zaireeka (33 1/3) - Richardson, Mark 

The Sympathizer (The Sympathizer #1) - Nguyen, Viet Thanh 

Pavement's Wowee Zowee (33 1/3) - Charles, Bryan

Neuromancer (Sprawl, #1) - Gibson, William

Invisible Cities - Calvino, Italo

Don't Fear the Reaper (The Indian Lake Trilogy, #2) - Jones, Stephen Graham 

The Wes Anderson Collection - Seitz, Matt Zoller

Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said - Dick, Philip K.

Kendrick Lamar's To Pimp a Butterfly (33 1/3) - Maner, Sequoia

The Nineties - Klosterman, Chuck

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow - Zevin, Gabrielle 

Wanderlust: An Eccentric Explorer, an Epic Journey, a Lost Age - Mitenbuler, Reid

A Heart That Works - Delaney, Rob 

Imago (Xenogenesis, #3) - Butler, Octavia E.

Cryptonomicon (Crypto, #1) - Stephenson, Neal 

Blacktop Wasteland - Cosby, S.A. 

Pearl Jam's Vs. (33 1/3) - Brownlee, Clint

Tracy Flick Can't Win - Perrotta, Tom

Devil House - Darnielle, John 

Adulthood Rites (Xenogenesis, #2) - Butler, Octavia E.

Heat 2 - Mann, Michael & Meg Gardiner

Joy Division's Unknown Pleasures (33 1/3) - Ott, Chris

Dawn (Xenogenesis, #1) - Butler, Octavia E.

The Diamond Age: Or, a Young Lady's Illustrated Primer - Stephenson, Neal 

The Republic of Thieves (Gentleman Bastard, #3) - Lynch, Scott 

The Year of the Flood (MaddAddam, #2) - Atwood, Margaret 

[thunderandsage]

finished binti: home and oh god the feels… how am i supposed to move on with my life?

(you are a child of earth and clay on a strange new world and so homesick that it makes you feel ill, but once you return everything is wrong. your siblings blame you for running away, your former friends now see you as a failure.

your new best friend is the only one who can understand you, but sometimes you can’t look at it without wondering how many of your classmates it had slaughtered and tasting blood thick in the air. your best friend, a monster, is dancing with a god in the water.

you want so desperately to be considered one of your people but you are part alien and part outsider and it’s woven into your genes, and all the open doors and wide windows you crave are named poison to decency and tradition.

your mother leaves you a traditional pilgrimage dress on your bed and you wear it as you leave your childhood home in the company of strangers. you are a harmonizer, a diplomat, and you are burning up in self-doubt and second-hand hatred.

you used to be such a beautiful girl, your father tells you with more sorrow than when he tells you your best friend is dead)

[fantasybooktournament]

the fantasy books i havent read in this poll

basically any work i havent read or read part of

good omens (i have seen the tv show) (tbh im not a gaiman fan, i dont vibe with most of his work)

cosmere (ive read 60 pages of mistborn) (i really have no interest tbh)

wheel of time (dont ask me how long i owned the first one lol)

the all souls trilogy (my mom wants me to read this)

house of the cerulean sea (my mom really REALLY wants me to read this) (i like his book how to be a normal person btw)

discworld (i have owned wee free men since i was in middle school RIP)

the witcher (my friend lent this to me. i never made it past the first page)

tawney man (i read robin hobbs first assassin book when i was like 14 and i think i liked it. her other books are on my tbr)

gentlemen bastards (i am not the intended audience for this series)

the broken earth (on my tbr!! and i own the fifth season!!)

the first law (i cant even remember the name of this series)

mercy thomas (on my tbr cause i need more urban fantasy)

the bear and the nightingale (dnf for me, which i found surprising)

lightbringer (ive heard good things but its never caught my attention)

dragonriders (my mom owns them all)

the rivers of london (i have no idea about this one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

prince of thorns (i think i used to have a mutual with this url .. . )

the daevabad trilogy (on my tbr!!)

the green bone saga (dnf cause im not the target audience)

the goblin emperor (apparently this is good enough to challenge piranesi soooo i might add it to my tbr)

chronicle of unhewn throne (again, no idea)

valdemar (mercedes lackey has been on my list forever. another author my mom wants me to read)

between earth and sky (on my tbr!!)

criers war ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

among others (on my tbr!!)

dead jinn universe (on my tbr!!)

the jasmine throne (i have this on hold!!)

the traitor of baru cormorant (i have to do more research before i decide if it goes on my tbr)

the raven tower (on my tbr!!! my friend highly recommends it!!)

the grace of kings (i am intrigued by this one)

shades of milk and honey (newly on my radar)

a land fit for heroes (no interest)

witchmark (on my tbr!! ive heard many many good things!!)

tailchasers song (no interest)

the queen of tearling (i got this as a gift as a teen . . . i think i read part of it??? i don't remember it at all tho)

miss peregrines home for peculiar children (i started this twice as a kid when it was super popular. never kept my attention)

children of blood and bone (another dnf for me, rather recently actually!)

sabriel (i started this when i was younger but never finished)

three dark crowns (i like blakes books annadressed in blood and antigoddess!)

seraphina (i don't have any desire to read this)

mirror visitor (on my tbr!!)

we hunt the flames (on my tbr!!)

six crimson cranes (on my tbr!!)

the gilded ones (on my tbr!!)

akata witch (on my tbr!! i liked her novella, binti!!)

the naming (a friend i had growing up loved this book)

iskari (i have no feelings on this)

kaikeyi (this was a new book to me, so i need to look into it more but im intrigued!!)

a song of wraiths and ruin (newly added to my tbr)

book of tea (on my tbr!!)

blood heir (based on the comments about this on the poll, i am no longer very interested)

labyrinth lost (this looks cool!)

the reader (another book i own i havent read)

[maybeimamuppet]

picking teams - chapter 12: cady

hello everyone!! happy wednesday welcome back it’s been a while lol oops

hope you’re having a great day!! also pretty please read the end note for this one i got Stuff To Say™!! 

anyway!! 

tw for

aftermath of SA

panic attacks 

mild gore kinda??

and as always if i’ve missed something please let me know!! 

enjoy!

—————

Cady feels like she's glowing as she walks through her front door. She pauses to look at her hands and double check that she isn't as she calls to her parents, "I'm home!" 

"Kitchen!" her mother calls back. Cady drops her bag off in the laundry room so she remembers to wash her things before she heads to find her parents. 

She freezes when she sees them sitting at the table with matching grim looks on their faces. "What's going on?" 

"Sit down, binti," her father says gently. Cady eyes them oddly as she pulls out another chair and plops herself into it. 

She tries not to worry too much when she sees just how hard her mother is gripping her father's hand. Her parents love each other, but they aren't the most physically affectionate couple. Whatever this is about is clearly weighing on them. Literally, as they seem to slouch under the pressure of their thoughts. 

"We need you to decide what you want to do about Shane," her mother explains quietly. "I know it's not something you want to think about, but we're running out of time for you to make your decision." 

Cady freezes. She feels like a bucket of ice water has been tossed over her, chilling her to her bones. Just the mention of his name is enough to do that to her, even after almost four months. 

Her parents are right. She doesn't want to think about this. She doesn't ever want him or that or anything about that night to cross her mind ever again. She wants it buried as deep as it can go, locked as tight as it can get, somewhere, anywhere she can't find it. She's done everything she can to not think about it over the months since she was released from the hospital. 

But they're also right in that she's running out of time. If she chooses to make a police report, they won't be able to do anything if she waits too long. That's if they even believe her. If it isn't already too late. 

"Cady?" her dad asks softly. Cady looks up and blinks back hot tears burning her eyes. "Do you want to press charges?" 

"I don't know," Cady hisses, digging the heels of her hands into her eyes. All it does is make the burning worse, but she relishes in the peaceful dark behind her eyes for a moment. 

"We have to know how to move forward, binti," her mother reminds her gently. "It's up to you. Whatever you want to do, we'll support you. But we have to know what you-" 

"I said I don't know!" Cady sobs, slamming her hands on the wood of the table with such force that her palms burn and her fingers tingle. "I can't... I..." 

She doesn't finish her thought before she's running upstairs and locking herself in her room. She heaves sobs so heavy it makes her chest ache as she wrenches her phone out of her pocket and opens her messages. Tears blur her vision as she taps Janis' contact and desperately types out a message, willing her fingers to just do this one thing for her before everything inside her shatters beyond repair. 

caddycat: Can yoi come over 

caddycat: Please

She lets out a desperate, relieved sob when the little dots start bouncing in the corner almost immediately, signaling that Janis is typing. 

jay: lol we just got home

Cady slides down the wall and curls in on herself, leaving her phone to her side. She's crying so hard, so heavy, so loud, that she can't hear the flurry of messages Janis has sent in the meantime. 

jay: caddy?

jay: are you okay ?? 

A minute passes. 

jay: i'll be over in ten

jay: hang in there, peanut 

Cady's phone shut off just before the last one, so she finally hears her text notification sound. She cries harder and clutches her phone to her chest when she sees her girlfriend is coming to her rescue. 

She tries to stand, tries to calm herself, make herself presentable, but she just... can't. Every deep breath she tries to take is chased by another burst of heavy sobs. Her legs buckle beneath her as she tries to get up, her arms as she tries to crawl. She makes it to her dresser before she decides to give up and let herself cry. 

She starts hyperventilating when she hears the doorbell ring. She and Janis have literally only been together for a day. Less than twenty-four hours. Janis shouldn't see her like this yet. She can't see her like this yet. She shouldn't have to. Cady never should've texted her, never should have asked her to come over, never should've-

She did. Janis is here. It's too late. Cady listens as her mother greets her at the door, can hear the concern lacing both their muffled voices as they echo through her vent. Cady barely manages to crawl under her bed in a final attempt to hide and save everyone here the trouble. 

Janis knocks on Cady's door. "Caddy?" Cady doesn't answer. "I'm coming in, okay?" 

Cady listens and tries to keep herself quiet as she hears the door creak open and click shut again. She watches Janis' socks wander around the room for a second before Cady finally can't contain a sniffle anymore and reveals her hiding spot. Janis' knees suddenly become visible. Her hands. Then, finally, her face. 

"Hey, Peanut," she murmurs, concern brimming in her ice blue eyes. "Whatcha doing?" 

Cady tries to answer, to apologize, tell her to leave, scream, yell, beg for help, but all that comes out is more sobbing. Janis pouts and watches as Cady buries her face in her hands and shrinks away even further beneath her bed. Cady hates that she made Janis look like that. Look at her like that. Like she's some kind of skittish animal she's trying to coax out from its den. 

Janis scoots back a little bit. Cady listens to the rustle her body makes against the carpet. She imagines Janis' face as she folds her arms and rests her chin on her hands. 

Cady gradually dares to peek up again and finds that face watching her closely. She can tell Janis is concerned and sad, and probably a little confused at finding her girlfriend hiding under the bed like a child frightened by a storm. Janis gently reaches out for her. Cady takes her hand, but makes no effort to leave her hidey hole. 

Instead, Janis crawls in to join her. She's much larger than Cady, so it takes some effort, but eventually she manages and peeks sideways at Cady in the relative darkness. "Cozy down here." 

Cady feels her face crumble as a new wave of tears starts streaming down her cheeks. Janis doesn't say anything else, doesn't force her to do anything, she's just... there. 

"I'm sorry," Cady spits out in between a few sobs. "I-I shouldn't have... we-we-we only... you don't..." 

"Hey, shh," Janis soothes quietly. "It's okay, Cads." 

"I didn't know who else to ask," Cady says desperately. 

"I'm glad you asked me," Janis murmurs. "It's okay, Peanut." 

Just hearing her voice helps some of the burning tension and panic swirling in Cady's chest dissipate. I don't deserve her. 

They don't have much room, but Cady inches as close to her girlfriend as she can get. Janis does the same and blinks at her in the darkness. 

"Can we get on the proper side of your bed, d'you think?" Janis whispers after a minute. Cady sobs a couple times and nods, inchworming her way out. Janis follows and holds a hand to help her up. Cady takes it and curls into a ball underneath her covers. She can hear Janis sigh as she's just lured Cady out of one hiding spot and into another. 

Regardless, this one is more comfy, and she crawls in to join her. Cady wails quietly as she presses the gentlest of kisses to her forehead. 

"Shh, Cads," she murmurs, gently scratching her dull fingernails against the side of Cady's scalp. "I'm here, it'll be okay." 

"No," Cady manages to whimper desperately. Janis inches herself closer and pulls Cady to her chest. Cady somehow manages to cry harder at the warmth and comfort radiating off her. Part of her doesn't even want to be comforted, part of her feels she doesn't deserve comfort in the first place. 

But most of her is so, so desperate for it. She leans into Janis' chest and lets herself cry. She can hardly feel Janis pressing her closer to herself, the gentle strokes she gives through her hair, the soft press of lips against her face from time to time. 

Eventually, finally, Cady exhausts herself. Her mind is still whirling sadistic circles around itself, like a whirling dervish spiraling slowly into a tornado. But her body aches and her nose is congested and her eyes burn and... and Janis is right there. 

"Dang," she jokes weakly. Cady sniffs and winces a bit at the wetness on Janis' soft shirt. 

"Sorry." 

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Janis says, looking at her with such tenderness. "Can you tell me what's going on?" 

"I... I-I-I..." Cady says, trying desperately to force her mouth to move the way she needs it to. It refuses for a second, making her growl in frustration. "Shane." 

"What about him?" Janis asks softly.

"I..." Cady takes a breath to steady herself. "I have to-to choose what to do. About the... about the party." 

"Oh," Janis hums, her brilliant blue eyes flashing with understanding and something... threatening. 

"I don't want to," Cady says, her voice trembling again. 

"Don't want to what?" Janis asks, tipping Cady's chin up so she can't look away. 

"Everything," Cady chokes. "I don't wanna choose. I don't wanna think about it." 

"I know," Janis comforts. She shifts her hand to rest gently on the side of Cady's head, fingers in her hair and palm on her face. "You shouldn't have to. You've been through enough." 

Cady inhales heavily and sniffs again. Janis uses her thumb to swipe some tears from beneath her eye and gently massage circles into Cady's aching temple. "...Do you think I should press charges?" 

Janis is quiet for a while. So long that Cady looks up into her eyes, searching for the response Janis is mulling over behind them. Eventually, Cady can hear the slight smack as her lips part and she says, "I think... I think you're the only person who can answer that." 

"I know," Cady says morosely. "But... what do you think I should do?" 

"I think that even if you choose not to press charges, you should file something with the police," Janis says. "I've known Shane since fourth grade. You can't be the first girl he's done this to, and... you... probably won't be the last, unfortunately. Even if you don't do anything else, if you file a report, there's a paper trail. If he does it again, someone else might press charges and you'll have made it that much easier on them. If he's done it before, you doing that might make someone else feel comfortable enough to step forward too. You don't have to be the hurricane here, if you're not ready. Just be the butterfly." 

"The butterfly?" 

"Flap your wings," Janis says. "It'll be small, but it could spark something huge. You never know." 

"Okay," Cady says shakily. "I... I'll do that." 

"Good," Janis whispers. She presses a gentle kiss to the corner of Cady's lips. "Are you gonna press charges?" 

"I don't think so," Cady mumbles. "I don't... I'm tired of thinking about it. I don't wanna drag out all of this. And it's expensive, to go to court and stuff. I just wanna be done with it." 

"Okay," Janis says. "I think a police report will be plenty."

"You don't think I should do more?"

"That's completely up to you," Janis says. "What I think doesn't matter anyway. But if just... having to make this choice made you cry the way you were when I got here, then... I think you've made the right call." 

"I guess you're right," Cady agrees. "I'm sorry I made you come when you just got home."

"Don't be sorry," Janis says softly. "I'll be here whenever you need me." 

"I just... I... I needed to talk to someone, and I was scared, I didn't know who else I could ask," Cady continues. 

"Caddy, it's okay," Janis says with the slightest of chuckles. "I promise. This was a... special circumstance. You needed help, you don't have to apologize for that." 

"...Thank you." 

"You're welcome," Janis says softly, brushing Cady's hair behind her ear and gently scratching her scalp again. Cady shudders happily at the sensation of her dull nails against her sensitive skin. 

Before she knows it, her eyes begin fluttering, and she's off to sleep. 

—-

Cady wakes up when she has trouble breathing. She pulls as far away as she can from the obstruction and yawns quietly, finding that she's had her entire face pressed firmly against Janis' neck like she's trying to inhale her. No wonder she couldn't breathe. 

It was comfy, though. She cuddles back in at a better angle and takes some time to ponder. 

Janis drifted off at some point, too, and has yet to wake up. She looks so beautiful when she sleeps. 

Cady still feels bad. The guilt and the worry and the heartache slither through her like snakes, so real she can almost feel them squirming in her gut. The pain, the memories still strong enough to give her heart palpitations even though she still can't really remember what happened to her. The panic. 

And Janis. Poor, sweet, Janis. Had to come to her rescue once again. Had to hide under Cady's bed with her like a child. Had to hold her while she cried and panicked and argued. 

You don't fucking deserve her, the sadistic part of her brain growls at her. She deserves better. Better than you. Better than you could be. Could ever be. 

Stop it, the other part of her pleads with herself. Janis is already here. She came because she wanted to. She chose me. 

She can hear the other part rearing up to respond, and plugs her ears with her fingers so she doesn't have to listen. But the call is coming from inside the house. 

Janis wakes up just in the nick of time to save Cady from another whirlwind. She makes a precious little noise in the back of her throat and opens her eyes like she's just been shocked. She blinks as she realizes where she is and smiles when her icy blue eyes lock onto Cady. "Hi." 

"Hi," Cady echoes, missing her warmth as Janis pulls away to stretch. "Sorry I fell asleep." 

"It's fine," Janis replies. "I did too." 

"What time is it?" Cady asks softly. Janis grabs her phone and holds it behind Cady's head to check the time. 

"Only two. We're still good," she says, yawning again. They only slept for about an hour, miraculously. 

"I should go... I mean, you can... if you want to... leave, now," Cady mumbles awkwardly, tripping over her words. "I have... uh..." 

"Do you want me to go?" Janis asks with such incredible gentleness. 

"No," Cady says. "But... you... probably should. Not, like- just... y'know. Bleh." 

"Bleh?" Janis giggles. Cady whines and rolls to hide her face in her pillow. 

"Shut up." 

"Nah," Janis teases, gently poking a finger into Cady's side. Cady squeals and leans away from it. "Are you gonna be okay if I leave?" 

"Yeah," Cady agrees, poking her face out to see her girlfriend. "I'll be fine. I'll text you?" 

"Sounds tits," Janis says. Cady rolls her eyes, but she does laugh. They both get up so Cady can show Janis out. 

Janis sits on the second-to-last stair to tug her boots back on and lace them up. Cady hesitates against the door, wondering what the proper protocol for a goodbye is between them now. 

Janis stands once she has the bow in her bootlaces securely double knotted. She trips over the thick rubber toe for a second and just barely catches herself to avoid face-planting into the wall. She brushes herself off and pretends like Cady didn't just see that whole thing go down, swaggering up to her and gently resting her hands on Cady's hips. 

"Bye, Peanut." 

"Bye," Cady says softly. She looks up into Janis' eyes for a second, looks between them and Janis' lips a couple times before she leans in. It's awkward, as they fumble into a gentle press of lips, but it's still nice. Cady sneaks one more smooch onto the corner of Janis' lips before she drops back onto the flats of her feet and lets Janis go. She watches to make sure she gets into her car okay before she shuts and locks the door again. 

Cady sighs quietly, already missing the warm, comforting touch of her girlfriend. She wipes her still-snotty nose off on her sleeve and sheepishly heads to find her parents. 

She finds them side by side on the sofa, both independently doing some work. They look up at exactly the same time when they hear her footsteps on the wood floor. She feels tears welling in her eyes again just at the concern and hurt in their eyes. 

"Sorry for freaking out," Cady mumbles quietly. 

"It's alright, Monkey. Come here," her father says in that comforting low rumble. Cady pads over and plops herself on the coffee table across from them. "Have you decided?" 

Cady nods, fiddling with a loose thread on her pants and staring at her feet. "I don't wanna press charges." 

She can almost hear the disappointment in the way her parents inhale. Neither of them speak. Cady doesn't look up, but she can tell they're looking at each other, discussing what to do with her without speaking audibly. Her dad inhales, exhales again. His voice is strained the slightest bit when he says, "Okay." 

"I just... I do want to file something. With the police. Janis said she doesn't think I'm the first... the first girl he did this to. And she doesn't think I'll be the last, either. So... if I do that, then there's... there's something already in the system, so if he- if he does, then... it'll make it easier for the next person." 

"That's a good start," her mother says quietly. "Are you sure you don't want to take this to court?" 

"I'm sure," Cady says immediately. Her mother presses her lips into a thin line and nods curtly. "I don't want to think about it anymore. Court is expensive. I just want to try to move on." 

"Then that's what we'll do. Do we need to do anything at school? Get him removed from any of your classes?" her father asks gently. 

"I don't have any classes with him," Cady says. "I only see him at games. And there's always lots of people around." 

"We could try to have him expelled anyway," her dad says.

"I'm comfortable for now," Cady shrugs. "If I feel different then I'll do something then, I guess. I just really don't want to think about him anymore. Anything more than a police report is too much for me right now." 

"Alright, binti," her dad says. He rests what should be a comforting hand on her knee, but it just makes Cady squirm inside. "That's what we'll do. We're very proud of you." 

Cady finally glances up. "Really? You're not mad?" 

"We're not... thrilled," her mother says tightly. "But this is your decision. We understand how much this must be weighing on you. If you don't want to go any further than a report then we won't go any further than a report." 

Cady nods in understanding. Her parents are protective, probably bordering on overprotective. They want what's best for her, but they still don't always trust her to know what that is. 

"That Janis girl seems like a close friend," her dad says, trying to shift this to a casual conversation now that they've gotten all the heavy and important things on the table. Cady can't hold back a faint chuckle. You have no idea. 

"Yeah. She is."

"You know you'll have to tell her soon," her mother says. "She deserves to know." 

"I know," Cady says with a sigh. "I will. I just... I don't want her to look at me different." Especially now she's my girlfriend. 

"If she's a real friend, she won't," her dad reminds her. She could recite this whole conversation by heart. She heard it at least five times before her first day of school. 

"I know. I promise I will. It's just... I want to wait for the right time," Cady says. Her parents both nod. "Can I go now?" 

"Yes," her dad chuckles. "Dinner's in..." he checks the inside of his wrist to see the time on his watch. "...Four and a half hours." 

Cady giggles. "Okay. Thanks. I love you guys." 

"We love you too." 

They both give her hugs before Cady heads back to her bedroom. Jesus, what a day. 

—————

Cady dreams that night. Well, she dreams every night, technically, but she really remembers this one. 

She's back in Kenya, running around the savanna with a lion that looks strangely like Janis. The lion listens with its head in her lap as she explains all the struggles and hardships she's been through lately. It's soft and warm when she strokes her hands through its fur. 

She can't quite feel what should be a burning sun beaming down on her face when she looks up towards it. The ever-present birdsong she got used to in Kenya isn't playing. 

The gazelles around the watering hole sound familiar. Human, almost. Three cheetahs walk up to them and they all scatter. Cady and the lion watch from afar. 

A zebra is unphased by the presence of the cheetahs and continues drinking from the small watering hole. No matter how much they chirp and chatter and threaten, he doesn't move. 

Suddenly, a great big crocodile leaps out of the water. The zebra doesn't stand a chance as he's dragged in. The cheetahs follow quickly. Cady screams as the croc suddenly turns to see her and the lion. It approaches quickly, already chomping its teeth slightly in preparation for its next meal. 

"No!" Cady yells as it takes one of the lion's rear paws in its jaws and tugs, trying to pull it back to the water to drown and kill and rip her to shreds. Cady pulls and pulls, but the crocodile is stronger. Cady loses her grip. And the lion's gone. 

The last thing Cady sees is the crocodile looming over her. She screams, tries to pull away, roll out from beneath it, hold its mighty jaw shut, anything, but there's nothing she can do. As it sinks its teeth in, the last thought she has is that it's eyes look an awful lot like hers. 

She wakes up with a gasp and pants for breath. Her phone says it's about four in the morning when she checks the time. Jesus.

She greedily gulps down a good portion of the water bottle on her nightstand and rolls over, trying to get out of the small sweaty spot she created in her fright and go back to sleep. 

You're okay, Cady. 

—————

Cady's still in a daze over the next few days. She can tell her friends notice. Some are concerned, some... less so. She daydreams more in class. Even calculus is half-spent staring longingly out the window. 

She's not even really thinking about much. Part of her imagines the dry, frost-covered grass and what it would feel like beneath her fingertips. The delicate crunch it would make if she stepped on it. Whether the air is cold enough to give her that paradoxical feeling of warmth in her nose and the tips of her ears. 

But mostly, her head is just... empty. 

It's strange. Usually her thoughts come so quickly that they're almost indistinguishable from each other, blurring and whirling and swirling together. Cady's caught in the eye of the storm and trying desperately to keep a hold on any one thought long enough to use it for what she needs. 

But today there is no storm. The seas are calm around her. Almost... frozen. The silence that should be a relief, a comfort, is just eerie. Unnatural. 

God, I miss Kenya. 

—————

For the first time in her entire life, Cady gives up on doing her math homework. She can't focus, no matter what she tries. She's been staring at the same problem for ten minutes. She starts solving it before her brain gets sidetracked and she's right back where she started. 

Most of the sidetracks are in Janis' direction, so Cady decides to see what her girlfriend is up to. They have a lot to talk about. They haven't had a real conversation since the incident, or even longer, maybe. It's been at least a couple days. A couple days too long. 

peanut: Hey

jayjay: hey you

jayjay: how are u doing?? 

peanut: Better 

peanut: Thanks again for coming to my rescue 

jayjay: anytime <33

peanut: <33

peanut: What are you doing? 

jayjay: procrastinating mostly 

jayjay: whatchu doin

peanut: Same actually 

jayjay: uh oh

jayjay: when is the end of the world coming 

jayjay: caddy heron procrastinating can only be a sign of the end times 

peanut: You are ridiculous 

jayjay: hey man ur the one who asked me to be ur gf 

jayjay: and no take backsies 

peanut: 🙄🙄

jayjay: since when do u use emojis 

peanut: Karen taught me

peanut: They're so cute!!! 

peanut: Look

peanut: 🦁🦁🦁

peanut: LOOK AT HIM 

jayjay: i'm looking 

peanut: You aren't appreciating him enough 

jayjay: my apologies king lion emoji 

peanut: Off with her head 

jayjay: :000 

jayjay: however can i earn ur forgiveness 

peanut: Hmm

peanut: I suppose you could be forgiven if...

peanut: You go get food with me? 

jayjay: deal

jayjay: pick u up in fifteen?

peanut: Sounds tits <3

jayjay: YSE

jayjay: SYE

jayjay: EYS

jayjay: Y E S

peanut: Babe

jayjay: HEHSJSB

peanut: Are you okay??? 

peanut: Should I be worried

jayjay: yes.

—-

Cady changes back out of her pajamas and into the clothes she wore to school that day. A grey sweatshirt (she'd had to double check it wasn't Wednesday in a panic this morning) with 'NSHS CHEER' in big blue letters on the front and her name on the back. Apparently if she's on the team long enough she can earn herself a squad nickname to put on the back instead. Maybe she'll put Merida on one. She always likes when Damian calls her that. 

She hops around her room to pull her too-tight jeans up and tries to balance on one foot to tie on each of her shoes. It's cold outside now that the sun is starting to go down, so she grabs her varsity jacket to go on top and heads downstairs to wait for Janis to arrive. 

She pauses in the hallway by the door to look in the mirror. She grimaces slightly when she sees herself. 

So dorky. Her hair is big and bushy and curly, her freckles still haven't faded for the winter. This outfit is... yikes. 

God, no wonder Shane picked you.

She jumps and snaps out of it when Janis texts her to tell her she's outside. Cady calls a goodbye to her parents and goes running to her girlfriend. 

Janis smiles at her as soon as she pulls open the door to her car. "Hey." 

"Hi," Cady echoes breathlessly, both from her quick run and the beauty of her girlfriend's face. She hesitantly leans halfway across the center console for a kiss. Janis happily bends down to reciprocate and leans after her for a second so it doesn't have to end. 

"Where are we going, my lady?" Janis asks in a terrible posh British accent as she puts the car back in drive and starts making her way out of the suburbs. 

"You pick," Cady says, taking Janis' hand to hold on the way. "And work on your accents." 

Janis gasps, feigning offense. "How rude. Just because mine isn't as good as yours."

"As mine?" Cady questions. 

"You have an accent," Janis says. "You didn't know?" 

"No," Cady says. "Well, I knew I had one when I was little, but I thought it went away now that I've lived here for a while."

"It's faint. But it's cute," Janis shrugs. Cady feels herself blush and looks down at their interlocked hands. 

"Huh," she squeaks. 

"You're blushiiiiing," Janis teases, leaning in against her as they come to a stoplight. 

"You're meeeeean," Cady retaliates, sneaking a quick smooch against Janis' dimple. Janis feigns offense again. 

"I am not, I'm taking you to get food," she replies, putting her hand back on the steering wheel as the light turns green.

"Yeah, that I'm paying for," Cady giggles. Janis looks at her strangely for a split second before focusing on the road again. 

"You're paying?" 

"Yeah?" 

"For both of us?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Like... a date?" 

Cady freezes. Does this count as a date? Should their first real, official date be more special? Cady didn't even ask Janis on a date. She didn't even ask her in person! She's not wearing nice clothes, she made Janis drive-

"Stop spiraling," Janis murmurs gently. 

"But I didn't ask you right!" Cady bursts out. Janis laughs. 

"What do you mean you didn't ask me right? You asked me out," she replies. 

"But not on a date. Just, like, on an outing," Cady says frantically. 

"Was it supposed to be a date?"

"No!" Cady says. "But... I want it to be." 

"Okay. Then this is a date," Janis says like it's that simple. 

"But I didn't ask you on a date!" 

"You don't have to!" Janis laughs. "It's okay, Cads, it can be a date without us explicitly using the word date." 

"But it's our first date," Cady says. "I should at least ask you on a date properly." 

"So ask me."

"What?"

"Ask me now," Janis says. "We aren't there yet, it's not too late." 

"Okay," Cady says. "Janis."

"Caddy."

"Will you please go on a date with me?"

"Nah."

"Wh- hey!" 

Janis laughs as Cady splutters in shock at her response. "I'm kidding. Of course I'll go on a date with you." 

"You're terrible." 

"Hey now," Janis giggles. She kisses Cady's knuckles and gives her hand a squeeze. "I'm sorry." 

"You're forgiven," Cady giggles. "Where are we going?" 

"Hank's Diner," Janis says. "You'll love it. It's kinda cliche, but it's this, like, fifties-style diner. It's an institution but nobody really knows about it. And their food is amazing."

"Sounds great," Cady says with a soft smile. Janis looks at her with one of her own, and they continue the drive in peaceful silence. 

——

Cady understands what Janis meant when she described the diner. It's cute, but it's a small establishment on the side of the highway. Even the outside is fifties-themed, with the fifties architecture and neon signs in the windows. There's maybe five other cars in the parking lot and most of them are on the employee side. Janis gently runs her hand over the brick of the hole-in-the-wall place as they walk in. 

They seat themselves in an out of the way booth in the furthest corner, a window behind Janis shining light from the setting sun over their worn, speckled table as they slide into the red leather seats. 

A waitress is mopping a sticky spill off the black and white checked floor when she notices them at the table looking over the menu. Cady was relieved by the deceptively small appearance until she found out it unfolded to be roughly the same size as her. How do they have this much food and still manage to stay in business? 

Luckily, the waitress just takes their drink orders to start with, so Cady has plenty of time to peruse and decide what she wants to eat. Janis ordered a water until Cady poked her head up from behind her massive menu and told her to get whatever she wants, even though Cady's paying. Janis switched to order a soda for each of them and a strawberry milkshake. Cady was confused until she ordered two straws with it. 

The waitress gives them a faint smile when she puts together the situation. Cady smiles back and thanks her as she turns to go fetch their order. 

"God, this menu is huge," she mutters anxiously, resting it on the table to read like a book. A whole page just for different kinds of cheeseburgers? 

"Yeah, it is. It kinda helps if you know what you're hungry for going in. Helps narrow it down," Janis chuckles. She takes Cady's menu from her and folds it up. "Here. Real quick, what kind of food do you want?" 

"Um... breakfast?" Cady says. Janis nods. 

"Savory or sweet?"

"Huh?"

"Like, eggs and omelets and bacon and stuff, or like pancakes and waffles and French toast?" 

"Um... uh... waffles," Cady says after a moments consideration. 

"Okay. Do you want them with fruit, chocolate, or chicken?" 

"Mm... fruit."

"Strawberries, blueberries, or bananas?" 

"How many can I pick?" 

"Uh... up to three," Janis reads from the menu. "So, all of them, I guess." 

"All of them," Cady nods. 

"Syrup flavor?" 

"I dunno, normal?" 

"So order a Belgian waffle with the works and maple syrup on the side, and then whatever sides you want with it," Janis says, handing Cady back her menu and pointing to the sides section. This is much more manageable. 

"What are you gonna get?" Cady asks as she decides in her head what she wants. 

"I dunno, I usually get the same thing every time. But I'm feeling adventurous today," Janis hums. 

"What do you normally get?" 

"...Chicken tenders." Janis admits sheepishly. Cady giggles. 

"That's cute," she says. Janis groans quietly and ducks behind her menu. "Why are you hiding? You're like a turtle."

"Stop it!" Janis calls from behind her menu hiding spot. 

"I'm not doing anything!" 

"You're bullying me," Janis says in exasperation. 

"I am not, come on," Cady says with another giggle. She gently pokes Janis' shin with the toe of her shoe. 

"Yes you are!" 

"Well how am I supposed to make it better if you won't come out?" Cady asks. 

"I'm gay." 

"Not like that, dork," Cady huffs around a laugh. "I mean, I hope you are, since we're already here." 

"Hmph." 

With much more finesse than she normally has, Cady whacks the top of Janis' menu until it hits the table, stands up, leans across the table and gently kisses Janis' nose. Janis squeaks and flushes a remarkable shade of scarlet at the flurry of actions. "Better?" 

Janis pouts, but nods a little bit. Cady smiles. 

"Good. What do you think you'll get this time?" 

"I dunno," Janis sighs. "It is a really big menu." 

Cady takes her menu to return the favor. "My turn. What kind of food do you want?" 

Janis smiles at her, folding her arms and leaning a bit closer into the table. "I want... dinner." 

"Okay. Sandwich-y stuff, soupy stuff, or... other stuff?" 

"Uh... I guess sandwich-y stuff," Janis says with a chuckle. 

"Cold sandwiches, melts, or burgers?" Cady asks, flipping and scanning the menu as Janis narrows down what she wants. 

"Definitely burgers," Janis answers confidently. 

Cady flips to the very large burger section. "What do you like on your burgers?" 

"Not too much meat. I like veggies," Janis says. 

"Mushrooms?" 

"Eh, sure," Janis says, nodding and shrugging at the same time. 

"This Swiss mushroom thingy looks pretty good," Cady says, pointing to show Janis what she means. Janis leans in and peeks at the menu. She nods and takes it back. 

"Thanks," she says, smiling at Cady. Cady smiles back. 

"You're welcome." 

They're lost in each other's eyes when the waitress comes back to drop off their drinks and take their food orders. They both jump and blush as they stutter out their orders before she turns on her heel and disappears to the back once more. 

Cady's apt to get... distracted again if she looks back at her girlfriend so soon, so she takes the opportunity to look around the quaint establishment. 

The neon signs in the front window are backwards from the inside. One flickers as it reads Hank's, and the other blinks and flashes Open in red letters with a blue ring around it. A counter sits right inside the door, with a perpetually-sticky looking countertop surrounded by stools made of a shiny silver metal and red leather to match the booths. 

The menu above it shows all the different sodas, floats, milkshakes, and malt drinks that are available in their beloved old-fashioned way. A little cartoon hamburger next to it says Hank's has been here since 1953 and still serves most of their food the same way they did when they opened. 

A few other people have come in now that it's closer to dinner time. It's early, around 4:30, but Cady supposes these people just eat early. A man and his son sit at the counter, presumably on their way home after a long day at school and work, sipping on chocolate milkshakes through matching red straws. Another couple sits a few booths away, and an elderly man is eating a club sandwich at the one closest to the door. Cady and Janis are still at their table in their own little corner. 

A jukebox is close by, faintly playing some country-sounding song that Cady doesn't recognize. The old man gets up and puts a few dollars in to pick one he prefers before he shuffles back over to continue his meal. 

"This place is so cute," Cady says, finally looking back to her girlfriend. Janis smiles.

"I'm glad you like it." 

"I love it," Cady says, leaning her elbow against the table and resting her head in her hand. "How long have you been eating here?" 

"Since my family moved, basically," Janis shrugs. "Stevie wouldn't sleep unless she was on a car trip, so we used to just... stick her in her seat and drive around so she'd nap. And my parents found this place. They'd go on dates here a lot, and they'd take me for like, my birthday and stuff. We actually came here so often one of the chefs knew us. My dad took me here after doctor's appointments and he gave me extra fries every time I got a shot." 

"That's really cute," Cady says with a smile. She reaches out across the table to link their hands. Janis hesitates, looking around for a second, but she smiles to herself as she laces her warm fingers through Cady's and squeezes. 

Their food comes then. Cady smiles as her waffle is rested in front of her. Janis has a similar reaction to her delicious-smelling burger. She's looking at Cady the whole time, though. Weird. 

Cady leaves their hands laced as she spreads some 'butter' over her waffle. She's learned from her months in America that most places actually use margarine. It doesn't taste as good, but at least it spreads a little bit better. 

The butter gets stuck in the few squares in the middle. Cady uses her knife to scrape some out and put them in other squares. She follows it with the syrup and scoops some of the fruit on the rim of the plate on top. 

"Looks delicious," Janis comments. 

"Do you want some?" Cady asks, pausing with a bite on her fork halfway to her mouth. Janis shakes her head as Cady shifts to hold it in front of Janis' face. Janis hesitates when it's in front of her lips, but she does lean in for the first bite. 

She hums contently when the sweet, fluffy waffle hits her taste buds. She chews and points to her burger with raised eyebrows and a questioning hum. Cady shrugs back and nods faintly. Janis picks up the massive thing and reaches across the table for Cady to take a bite. 

Cady chomps into it, chewing thoughtfully as the juicy burger grinds between her molars. She pulls a face as she gets the earthy flavor of the mushrooms and Swiss cheese. Janis chuckles, holding the waffle she has yet to swallow in her cheek. "No good?" 

"I don't like mushrooms," Cady responds in disgust. "Or Swiss cheese." 

"Then why did you try some?!" Janis laughs. "It's literally called the Swiss mushroom burger, Peanut." 

"It smells really good!" Cady responds. She forces herself to swallow and quickly chases it with a bite of her own meal. Janis quietly rests a couple of her french fries on the side of Cady's plate to make up for it. "Thanks, babe." 

Janis smirks at her and takes a bite of her burger. "Babe?" 

"Hm?" Cady hums. "Isn't that what... couples... call each other?" 

Janis shrugs and nods. "Yeah, sometimes." 

"Do you not like it?" Cady asks sadly.

"No! No, I like it," Janis says immediately, coughing as she chokes the slightest bit on her burger. Cady sighs in relief. 

"Good." 

"Good," Janis echoes. 

They make light conversation as they eat. Their hands have separated, but their eyes never do. Cady laughs goofily at a joke Janis makes, and Janis laughs so hard some quip Cady makes that a sip of her soda comes out her nose. She groans in pain and continues laughing as she uses her napkin to clean herself off. 

The portions are so big that neither of them quite manage to finish it. The waitress brings them some to-go boxes along with the bill, so they pack up their leftovers and rest them on the booths beside them. Cady winces the slightest bit at the high price of their meal, but she puts her card down and signs on the dotted line anyway. Janis is worth it. 

Janis slides the previously forgotten strawberry milkshake to the middle of the table and smiles as she pops both thick straws into it. She takes one and nods to Cady, signaling she should take the other. Cady smiles and holds the other straw between her fingers, and they lean in at the same time to take a sip. 

The milkshake is partially melted, just enough to be easier to sip and not enough to just be... milk. Their noses are so close together they're almost touching. Cady flicks her eyes up to meet Janis', and they both grin sheepishly at each other around their straws. The drink is cold, but Cady doesn't know that she's ever felt so warm. 

The waitress brings Cady's card back as they sip the last of the shake. Cady slips it back into her wallet and stretches as she stands, trying to get the dense meal to settle in her stomach. Janis does the same and carries both styrofoam containers of food to the car, holding Cady's hand in the other. 

Cady pouts when they have to separate to actually get in the car, and smiles widely as Janis immediately offers her hand again as soon as the engine turns over. 

"That was a lot of fun," Cady murmurs, fiddling with Janis' rings. She spins them around her long, slender fingers and twists the charms on the few that have them. 

"Yeah, it was," Janis responds quietly. She looks briefly at Cady as they head down the road back towards home. She smiles as she looks back to the road. Cady smiles too, looking out her own window. 

"Good first date?" 

"Perfect first date." 

Cady squeezes her hand. Janis squeezes back. 

Absolutely perfect.

—————

thanks for reading!!

ok quick important thing!! little insight as to part of why this took so long. if you follow me on tumblr or read my matilda stuff you’ve probably already seen what happened but my fics were stolen.

someone on ao3 who went by the handle wlwsharks had been stealing several of my fics and reposting them for different fandoms with new names. so. that was a real fun thing to deal with (not) and it really put me off writing for a good long while. 

there was a week where i was having panic attacks every time i thought about writing because i was so scared things would be stolen again if i posted them. i didn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. 

this might seem like an overreaction to some of you but please remember that i am disabled. every single thing i write and every single thing i post has taken weeks and probably months of work on my part. i pour my heart and soul into everything i do and it does take a lot out of me even though i love it and all of you so so so much. seeing my things i’ve worked so hard on stolen so carelessly and getting (in most cases, more) love for it hurt more than i can express. 

all this to say, if you’ve ever thought about plagiarizing: don’t! good lord. 

if you’re in the wednesday or the owl house fandom or things of that nature, please please please keep an eye out. do not let this person come back. and for any fandom, if you see something that feels off, please please please look into it. you could save a fellow writer a whole lot of heartache <3 

also to wlwsharks if you happen by some chance to read this. go to hell. 

for the rest of you, thank you for the constant love and support. i love you all very much and hope have an amazing day.

hope you enjoyed this!

lots of love,

ezzy <3