#billy hargrove deserves a real parent

[jacksonseymour13]

Captains of the "Protect Billy at all cost" Gang. Are you a member?

[xoxoladyaz]

When Stevie Harrington was nine years old, she wrote her future self a list on the front page of her diary. The title of the list read

RULES FOR STEVIE’S FUTURE HUSBAND

and it felt necessary to her nine-year-old self to have this list. Sure, she was young, but she wasn’t dumb. Her parents weren’t like Tommy’s parents who had date nights and kissed each other every time they said goodbye. Stevie’s parents never hugged or kissed each other (or her). And sure, they spent all their time together, but they never looked happy. No, they were always angry, and no matter what Stevie did she couldn’t figure out why. 

(At least, not until Tina Kline’s birthday party.) 

And as soon as she returned home from the party, she ran up to her room and started her list because Stevie Harrington wanted to fall in love someday, she wanted to have a house and a husband who was nice like Tommy’s dad, so it was important that she remembered the Rules.

1. He couldn’t be too old

(They’re ten years apart in age, she heard Mrs. Kline say. That’s just such a large age gap. It’s no wonder that it’s not working, they’re clearly at two very different stages in their lives.)

2. He couldn’t travel all the time for work

(It’s not the age gap that’s the problem, dear, Mrs. Hagan had scoffed back at her. It’s all of Richard’s frequent ‘business trips.’ It’s hard to have a family or a relationship if your husband is never around.)

and most importantly,

3. Any guy who dated around too much before was BAD NEWS

(Girls, we all know what the real problem is, and it has nothing to do with how old Richard is or how much he travels, Mrs. Perkins spoke with determination. Richard has never had a serious relationship in his life. We all know that he made it abundantly clear he was never interested in settling down. He had a new girl every week and she was one of them, for god’s sake! A tiger doesn’t change his stripes and Victoria was a fool to think a baby would change that.

Maybe if they’d had a son, Mrs. Kline had offered, but then they noticed Stevie was there and they stopped talking.)

It was a short list, but it was a good place to start. And as Stevie grew older she added more on to it, like make sure he wears deodorant and has to be a good dancer and never date a guy with a mullet (looking at you, Billy Hargrove.) And that’s not even to mention her large period of self-growth after college when Robin finally convinced her to go to therapy to talk about her family issues, at which point she added on you deserve someone who loves and appreciates everything about you and doesn’t just use you for sex (and fuck, that was a hard and painful lesson to learn. It also put a bit of a damper on dating in her early-twenties but, well, seeing the quality of man that was out there? It was probably for the best. She didn’t want to be Victoria Harrington, after all.)

So why, if Stevie had this list, if she’d had all of these years of preparation, if she knew exactly what she wanted – and more importantly, what she didn’t want – then why, at the age of twenty-six, was Stevie Harrington falling headfirst into a relationship with a world famous rock star who was

1. Twelve years her senior

2. Currently on tour and

3. Had a long, long string of famous (and infamous) ex-lovers?

(And why was her heart telling her that despite all evidence to the contrary, Eddie Munson was going to be the exception to all her rules?)

A/N: LMK if you want to see more of this!

[schrijverr]

I Found Myself a Cheerleader 10

Chapter 10 out of 28

Bumped to the lowest step on the social ladder after his fight with Billy, Steve gets roped in with the cheer team. What starts as a favor to help them out when one member breaks her leg in turn for protection from the brunt of the bullying, sets the universe on a different path.

In this chapter, with Starcourt behind them, they try to make it through, which is harder than it seems. Chrissy returns in time for Hopper’s funeral and catches Steve together with Robin, while Steve tries to catch the others.

On AO3.

Ships: eventual steddie and buckingham

Warnings: grief, injury, nightmares, child abuse mention

~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 10: The Aftermath

Part of Steve expects to be send away by the Buckley’s the next day, having fulfilled their good Samaritan act for the boy that saved their daughter. However, when he awakes nearly fifteen hours later, it is to Mrs. Buckley – Daisy, sweetie, just Daisy is fine – giving him some soup and asking if he feels up to shower and if he eats anything particular for breakfast, because she still has to go to the store later.

Confused Steve stumbles through an answer, his body still feeling like it has gone through a meat grinder. Daisy gives him a smile and cards a soft hand through his hair, before giving him directions to the shower and telling him to ask Robin if he needs anything.

She leaves to do groceries and is replaced by Robin, who looks way better than Steve. She bounces into the room, sliding onto the couch next to Steve and asks: “How are you feeling, dingus?”

“Confused,” Steve answers. “Your mom is nice.”

“Yeah, she is,” Robin smiles. “I told them your parents are away on business and can’t be reached, but I’m afraid to let you go home by yourself. So, you’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”

“Are you for real?” Steve asks, unable to imagine anyone opening up their home to him without having met him before. It sounds alien.

“I am, promise they’re cool,” Robin tells him with a soft smile. “Now, mom said you felt up to shower and no offense, Stevie, but you smell like sweat, blood and puke, which is like totally not a good smell. You’re excused of course, would be mean not to excuse it, seeing, you know, everything, but shower sounds smart. I’ll show you the buttons.”

She jumps up waiting for Steve to follow. Steve is a little slower, seeing he is more bruise than skin at this point.

The shower itself is painful. The water feels like it is beating down on his skin and the heat makes him lightheaded, but he can’t stand the cold. So, he takes it sitting on the floor of the shower. He washes his hair with Robin’s strawberry shampoo, remembering the smell from when they were tied together in the bunker. It gives him comfort.

Robin has lend him a set of her pajamas, a soft sweater and plaid pajama pants, as well as some fuzzy socks. It takes a bit to get them on, but in the end he feels more human than he has in the last 48 hours.

Dinner should be awkward, but it seems Robin has her rambling from her parents and the three happily fill the silence and let Steve disappear to the background.

With dinner done, the TV is turned on so they can watch the news. Both Robin’s parents protest, but they have to see. Have to be sure the mall is gone. That yesterday truly happened and they didn’t make it up.

So, the TV goes on and the newscaster tells them about the mall that burned down in a firework accident. That many bodies have been recovered, but not all can be identified. Among the confirmed dead are Jim Hopper, hero police chief, and Billy Hargrove.

Steve cries then. Cries for El, who lost her father, who is alone again. Cries for Joyce, who lost the man she could have had something with. Cries for himself and all the thing he never got to tell Hopper and all the things the other never said either. Even cries for Max, who will inevitably grieve for something that wasn’t real and a person who doesn’t deserve it.

Luckily, neither of Robin’s parents say anything about the tears and Robin holds him throughout it all, careful of his injuries.

After that he goes to sleep again on the couch, having gotten used to sleeping at one and not even bothered, despite Daisy’s apologies about it. It is the first night of a week in which he hides away from everyone in the Buckley house, safe with Robin by his side to keep both of them sane.

On the second day there he calls Joyce to check in with her. He told her he was going with the Buckleys that night at the mall, but checks in with her on Saturday anyway.

Quietly they talk about El, who has turned into herself, refusing to speak. How her powers aren’t working anymore and how she isn’t really coping. The poor kid has already been through so much and both Joyce and Steve wonder out loud to the other how they’re going to get her through this.

But after a few minutes neither can continue the topic they’ve been ignoring. It’s Joyce, who mentions it first, saying: “They’re burying Hopper this Tuesday. They- they don’t have a body, but…”

“I know,” Steve says, so she doesn’t have to. “What can I do?”

“They, uhm, they came here also for you,” she tells him. “Hopper wanted- he wanted you to be a pallbearer. You can say no, but-”

“No, no, I’ll do it,” Steve agrees easily. Of course he wants to help in Hopper’s funeral after all he has done for him, of course he wants to fulfill his wishes. “When do I have to be there?”

“At 10:00 AM,” Joyce answer, obviously grateful. “They’re reading his will too, El wants you to be there as well. It’s afterwards. Can you make it?”

“Of course,” Steve promises again, because he’d make all the time in the world for El, to support her after what she’s been through.

“Thank you, Steve,” Joyce sounds haggard and relived. “Bring whoever you want as support, it’s open to the public, so it’s probably going to be big. Lots of people. They wanted me to speak, but I- I can’t.”

Much to Steve’s horror, Joyce starts to cry. He is already bad with comfort and now he can’t even offer a shoulder like he usually does. Steve knows she doesn’t want to burden any of the kids with this, that she would usually go to Hopper about this, that Steve has to take his tasks now, but he’s still pulling a blank.

“It’s- it’s okay, Joyce,” he fumbles. “You don’t have to speak. He- he knows. He knew. You don’t have to say it for everyone.”

The words probably aren’t the best, but it’s what Steve can manage right now. And the words seem to help. A teary Joyce thanks him, before reminding him he’s welcome there any time. It’s a sweet sentiment, but Joyce has her own grief and that of El to deal with. Steve has a place to stay, he’ll be fine. She has to put her focus elsewhere.

So, he assures her he’s fine and to just focus on the people she has at home, before hanging up and going up to Robin’s room, crawling into her bed. He buries his face in her stomach and she plays with his hair as she reads her book, while he tries not to cry.

Robin has become his safe space, as he has become hers.

On the night from Saturday to Sunday he is awoken by Robin, who stands next to the couch, blanket wrapped around her shoulders tremble and she is crying as she softly confesses: “I- I had a nightmare.”

“Want to talk about it?” Steve asks, getting into a seated position, so that she can crawl on the small couch with him.

“I was in the bunker again and you were there, tied- tied to me and I kept calling your name, but this time- this time you didn’t wake up,” Robin is weeping now, burying her face in the crook of Steve’s neck on the less injured side. Her hand is over his heart, so she can feel his heartbeat. “I was tied to your dead body, all alone. I just- I just needed to check.”

“It’s okay, Robbie,” he assures her, nosing the top of her head and planting a kiss there. “I’m alive, I’m okay. We’re okay. We made it out.”

She lets out a shuddery breath and nods, repeating: “We made it out. We made it out.”

“Yeah, we did,” Steve encourages her. “Want to drink some tea or stay here a bit?”

“Some tea, please,” Robin says.

They get up, Steve leading Robin through her own house, where he himself has gotten comfortable in a short amount of time. He parks her on one of the kitchen chairs, but she abandons it in favor of sitting on the counter as Steve starts the kettle, pulling him between her legs as they wait for the water to boil. Just holding him.

Steve can’t remember the last time a person held him this often and tenderly. He melts into her, hugging her back.

The two of them exist like that, intertwined. Robin shuffles along as Steve pours them tea, then shamelessly sits on Steve’s lap as they sip the hot beverage. To distract herself Robin tells him all about this book she has been reading.

When the tea is gone, Steve asks: “Do you feel up to sleeping again, Robs?”

“Probably smart,” Robin says with a yawn, not really answering the question. She clings a bit more to Steve and mumbles: “Just don’t wanna be alone.”

“I- I could come with,” Steve offers, a bit unsure and not wanting to overstep a boundary.

Robin lights up at his offer and says: “You’re a genius, dingus.”

“Your parents won’t mind?” Steve asks, not wanting to get either of them in trouble.

“Nah,” Robin assures him, getting to her feet and grabbing his hand to pull him along.

Her bed is as comfortable at night as it is during the days when he crashed there. He is still injured, only able to sleep on his back and Robin is careful with his injuries, lying next to him and taking his hand. As they lay there together, she says: “I’m glad you’re here with me.”

“Me too,” Steve responds. “Though I hate you got dragged into all the crazy with me.”

“I think it’s worth it,” Robin tells him and Steve gets too choked up to say anything, only able to squeeze her hand and she squeezes back.

It’s quiet for a few seconds, then Robin says: “If we were normal, this is where we’d confess our feelings for each other.”

Steve snorts, making a gagging noise that has Robin giggling as well. They lay there laughing for a bit more and when they try to sleep, thoughts of Russian bunkers are further away than thoughts of companionship and understanding.

Sunday passes in a haze. Steve calls all the kids, checking in on them. Mike hangs up after assuring him he’s fine, a bit in a foul mood, since his parents haven’t let him see the others. Lucas and Erica both talk to Steve a bit, neither of them mentioning the 4th and just talking of wanting to try out for basketball and wanting to learn DnD. Dustin talks with him for an hour, both of them crying. Will only speaks to for a bit. El doesn’t want to come to the phone, but Will assures him she’s okay, just going through a rough patch, which is an understatement. Max only says a few words, before hanging up quickly, a fight going on in the background.

Monday brings a new surprise to the Buckley doorstep. Steve is making lunch since Robin’s parents are off to work, so it is Robin who opens the door.

On the doorstep is Chrissy, looking stressed and haggard. Without preamble she starts: “Do you know where Steve is? Because I just came back from camp and I went by his house, because I heard he was at the mall when it burned down, but he didn’t answer and I’m really worried about him, because he always, always opens the door.”

Robin is about to answer when Steve comes wandering into the hall, asking: “Hey, Rob, do you like syrup on your pancakes or-” He looks up and sees Chrissy, smiling when he does: “Chris! I didn’t know you got back today.”

“Stevie,” Chrissy exclaims in relief, before her eyes grow wide as she takes in the state he’s in. She rushes into the house, brushing past Robin without a care as she cups Steve’s unbruised cheek with a concerned face, asking: “Oh my god, are you okay?”

And it is not the question itself that breaks Steve, it has been asked multiple times these last few days, but it is that it’s Chrissy. Chrissy, who has been nothing but sweet and kind to Steve, who has protected him, cheered him up, made sure he wanted to get to school. And even after Steve kind of brushed her off to hide that he has been kicked out, she is still so concerned for him. She went to Robin’s house to look for him.

Tears fall before he’s even aware of them and he crushes Chrissy in a hug that hurts his own ribs and maybe hers, but he doesn’t care, just happy to hold her again.

Chrissy makes a confused noise, however, she quickly moves to hug him back. Her wiry strength should not be underestimated as she sways them side from side, telling him that it’s all okay and to just let it out.

Robin latches onto his back, surrounding him with warmth from his two closest friends. And he cries, like he has done so much these past few days. He wants to stop, but he can’t, so he rides it out and hopes that Chrissy and Robin won’t let go until he’s done.

They don’t.

The three of them hug until Steve is done crying, ignoring the small wet patch on his back and how Robin also sniffles, before clapping her hands and leading them to the kitchen.

There is some batter left, so Steve makes pancakes for Chrissy as well, who hums appreciatively and says: “Steve, I missed your food. Camp food is terrible.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Steve smiles, the compliment warming him up from the inside.

None of them talk about the breakdown in the hall until the pancakes are gone. They just eat in silence and pile the dishes in the sink. It’s only when they’re sitting on the couch, their bellies full, that Chrissy asks: “What happened?”

Steve and Robin exchange a look, before Steve says: “I- I don’t really know. We were out late and closing up when we heard explosions, I suppose the fireworks, before we really knew it the whole mall was going up in flames around us.”

Robin jumps in, interjecting the made up hero story she told her parents: “We were like stuck in the shop and it was terrible. We couldn’t get out until a part of the front caved in and we could climb out. I got stuck and Steve pulled me out, but like a bunch of rubble fell on him. If he hadn’t had done it, well I- I might’ve-”

It’s getting a little too close to the truth now and Robin chokes up. Steve takes her hand and they smile at each other, a reassurance that they’re okay.

“Chief- Chief Hopper got us out,” Steve builds on the fiction they made. “He went back in to help and he- he didn’t-”

“Oh my god, that’s terrible,” Chrissy gasps, hearing their story with horror.

“The funeral is tomorrow,” Steve whispers. “They asked me to be pallbearer. They don’t have a- a body,” he swallows, “so it’s just going to be the casket. It’s ceremonial.”

“Do you want us to be there?” Chrissy asks and if Steve was straight he would've kissed her for offering so he wouldn’t have to ask.

“If you don’t mind,” he says softly, hoping she doesn’t.

Chrissy bumps her shoulder against his, a familiar move, and smiles: “Of course I don’t mind, Stevie.”

“Thank you,” he smiles back. He appreciates Chrissy so much, all she’s done for him, how she’s here for him without question. He feels bad about how he shut her out after the fight with his father, not telling her that he got kicked out. Another realization hits him and he says: “Fuck, I don’t have anything to wear tomorrow.”

“You don’t have a black suit?” Chrissy frowns.

Steve catches Robin’s wide eyes that ask ‘are you aware what you’re doing’ and he communicates back that he does, before answering: “I do, I just- well, I got kicked out by my parents. They changed the locks.”

“What!” Chrissy exclaims.

“Sorry for not telling you,” Steve says. “I didn’t want to worry you. It happened after graduation, remember that fight?”

“Holy shit, Steve,” Chrissy frowns. “That is terrible, I knew your parents were dicks, but this is a new low. What the hell? I’m going to fight them, I swear to God, I am, Stevie. Not a joke. They can’t just do that!”

Steve is touched by her anger on his behalf, but he is also realistic. He gives her a crooked smile and says: “I am an adult now, Chris. They can do that.”

“And what do you think of that?” Chrissy asks Robin, still full of righteous anger.

Robin looks a bit like a deer in headlights, eyes flitting between Chrissy and Steve. She stammers out: “Uh, I- I think they’re assholes?”

“See,” Chrissy tells Steve.

Steve quirks a brow at Robin, who glares at him in turn, before saying: “I already knew they were assholes, Chris. They just also have every right to kick me out if they want to.”

“I know you know that,” Chrissy huffs. “I’m just not going to let them get away with giving you nothing to wear to Chief Hopper’s funeral.”

“And how do you propose we do that?” Steve asks, curious for her answer, since he has never seen her like this before.

“We’re going to break in,” Chrissy smiles mischievously.

“What?” Steve chokes.

“You can’t be serious,” Robin exclaims, eyes bulging out of her eyes.

“Come on, Stevie, you said yourself we have to try not to care right?” Chrissy pleads. “I’m sure you’ve snuck in from time to time, you must have a route. Everyone does. And it’s not like they’re going to be home to catch us.”

“I don’t know, Chris,” Steve says, even though he would love to grab a few things he forgot in his haste to pack that first time. It’s still risky.

Robin, however, seems to have gotten over her inhibitions and offers: “We can put shrimp in the air conditioning, give them a true surprise to come home to.”

“No,” Steve says. “We’ll break in, but no pranks.”

“Ugh, fine,” Robin rolls her eyes, while Chrissy just squeals in excitement.

So, Steve drives them to his old house in the car the government kindly brought over yesterday. He is technically not cleared to drive yet, but Chrissy doesn’t know that and if Robin heard, she doesn’t mention it.

The house is still looming, cold and dark. Steve can’t imagine how he lived there all those years without it creeping him out.

They sneak into the backyard to get to Steve’s room. His window broke and he never told his parents, afraid to get into trouble, which now works in his favor. He tells the girls about the window and adds: “But I’m too bruised to climb the pipe.”

“Don’t look at me, I’m clumsy,” Robin immediately defends herself, before Steve could even suggest her. He’s seen her run for her life, which had been less than stellar, so he already wasn’t planning on asking her.

Chrissy, however, also looks unsure and apologetically says: “I’ve always been a horrible climber. I have terrible grip.”

“I’m gonna boost you up,” Steve tells her. “Standing on my hands as we practiced. You can easily reach then.”

“Lisa will kill us if she heard we did that without back spotter,” Chrissy points out, though she has a glimmer in her eyes.

“Lisa doesn’t have to know,” Steve grins. “Besides, Robin can catch you if you fall.”

“I most definitely cannot,” Robin protests, but is ignored by the two others, who get into position.

The stunt is one they performed in their final competition, so they feel comfortable doing it without back spotter. Steve puts his hands on Chrissy’s hips and she jumps, giving him the momentum to throw her higher, before catching her on the palms of his hand. From that position, she easily scrambles onto the roof, disappearing into Steve’s old room and appearing a few moments later to unlock the backdoor for them.

“I can’t believe I broke into your house,” she whispers as Robin and Steve enter as well. None of them turning on the lights, because they don’t want to be spotted by neighbors and the afternoon sun is enough, even through the closed curtains.

“It’s okay, I gave you permission, pin it on me,” Steve tells her easily, looking around the room and taking it in.

His parents have left all the furniture without covers, so a light dust coats it, since Steve hasn’t been there to clean. They might get ruined, but his mother will likely redecorate. There are also two cups and plates in the sink with questionable contents, since Steve hasn’t washed their dishes after they left. It makes him both sad and a little vindictive.

He is pulled out of his thoughts by Robin, who is standing by the piano and exclaims: “Wow, this is a really nice piano. Can you play, dingus?”

“I can actually,” Steve replies. It had been part of his education on how to behave like his social standing.

“You can?” Chrissy comments. “I always assumed it was decorative.”

“Yeah, I can,” Steve says, sitting down on the stool and pressing a few keys. It’s not entirely in tune after years of disuse, but it is good enough.

Chrissy goes to sit down next to him and asks: “Can you play We’ll Meet Again? My grandfather used to play it for me whenever I was little.”

“Sure,” Steve says, starting to play the slightly sad song. He only knows it, because his piano teacher had been a nurse during the war and it had been popular then.

When he is done playing, he gets a small applause from Chrissy and Robin and he smiles at them, before closing the piano and saying: “Well, that’s enough for now. I want to get out of here as quickly as possible.”

His room is like he left it, still a mess from when he packed in a hurry. It’s like his parents closed the door and pretended that would make him go away. Likely, they just couldn't be bothered to clean up as they had to leave again soon after.

Steve first folds his suit and neatly packs it into the bottom of one of the bags they brought with them. Then he packs a few more of the other clothes he left there, favorites he forgot, some more underwear, a few warm sweaters for the upcoming winter, two extra pair of jeans that aren’t the most comfortable, but better than nothing.

After that is done, he braves to open a door he hasn’t since he was twelve years old. His father’s study.

The desk still stands there, imposing and sturdy. Steve is momentarily transported to all the times he stood in front of that desk as his father berated him or made him stand there, waiting until he was deemed worthy of attention as his father worked.

He shakes it off and moves behind the desk, putting in the code to the safe that his father had told him for emergencies, praying the man had forgotten to change it.

Steve is in luck, because the safe clicks open. There is ample of money in there and despite his lack of finances, he doesn’t take it. He doesn’t actually want a robbery charge. Instead, he searches under them and gets his birth certificate and other papers. Things that are necessary to have.

With those tucked away, he tells the other two to get out of there. He contemplates grabbing a new key, just to fuck with his parents, but decides against it. Best if no one will ever learn they were there.

So, they return everything as closely to how they found it as they can and sneak back out.

It’s now nearing dinner, so Steve drops of Chrissy at home, hiding so it looks like Robin drove her there. Robin is also the one to walk her to the door, being grilled as Stevie by Chrissy’s mother until she is satisfied.

“Chrissy’s mom is terrifying,” Robin hisses when she gets back to the car.

“I know, glad you survived, Robbie,” Steve tells her with a grin.

“She thinks I’m a cheerleader, Steve,” Robin says. “She asked if being a base was hard with my build. I don’t even know what a base is! I can’t lie. Chrissy stepped on my foot, before I could dig myself into a hole. I nearly died.”

“Well, thank you for your service, drama queen,” Steve rolls his eyes as he continues to drive, luckily all going well, despite the injuries. “But I’m sure you can manage. Cheer isn’t that hard to grasp, though maybe hard for you to do.”

“You know, I get that that was an insult, but I will ignore that, because I am nice,” Robin sniffs, haughtily.

“You aren’t nice.”

“Shut up, dingus,” Robin says, smacking him lightly. “What I meant to say is; you need to tell me more about cheer so that I can pretend to be a cheerleader to Chrissy’s mom and we can all continue to hang out together.”

The shit eating, teasing grin disappears from Steve’s face and he can’t help but sound surprised as he asks: “You want to hear me talk about cheer? You said you hated sports.”

“I mean, I do,” Robin shrugs, looking a bit uncomfortable. “But you like sports. And you’re like my best friend. I wanna know about your sports.”

“That- that is honestly so sweet,” Steve tells her, having to swallow, so he won’t cry.

“Shut up,” Robin says, suspiciously not looking his way.

That evening Steve tells Robin all about cheer, the two of them pointedly not talking about what they did today and what is going to happen tomorrow. Instead going over cheer formations and types of stunts and positions in the team until they’re tired, Steve falling asleep in Robin’s bed again, without either of them commenting on that as well.

On Tuesday 9th of July, they bury Chief Jim Hopper.

Out of all the pallbearers, Steve and Jonathan are the ones that are not police. Steve is walking in the front and then the right, so his injured side doesn’t hit the casket. He is well aware of the large crowd of people staring at his beat up face, the rumors that are going around.

Steve wills himself not to cry, he has done enough of that already and today he needs to be strong for Joyce and El, who have suffered a much greater loss than him. He is aware of how light the casket is, how there is no body and no closure for them. It makes it easier on his bruised body, but he gladly would’ve suffered the pain to give them that.

His suit is from prom and luckily still fits. He looks like he has more money to his name than he does, but he’s not complaining about it. Though, he feels guilty at the thought.

He purposefully doesn’t look at the crowd, not wanting to meet anyone’s gaze. He just stares straight ahead, his face stony.

Once the casket is positioned for burial, Steve lets go and follows Jonathan to where Joyce is standing with El and Will. Joyce falls into Jonathan’s arms and Steve takes El, who had been hiding in Joyce’s side.

The five of them watch the burial like that. Will next to his older brother, who has one arm on Will’s shoulder. Jonathan’s other arm around his mother as she cries silent tears. Joyce holds Steve’s hand tightly and Steve holds it right back. El is under Steve’s other arm and he hugs her as best as he can, ignoring how his ribs twinge.

Throughout the entire ceremony, Steve doesn’t cry. He keeps up his impersonation of a statue and looks ahead. He is their rock now. He is keeping it together.

Only when the grave is filled and the Byers get ready to leave, does Steve turn around, El is still stuck to his side and he just keeps holding her. He spots the Buckleys in the crowd, already coming his way to support him, and catches Chrissy’s eyes, who sends him a sympathetic look, stuck next to her mother.

Daisy kisses his cheek and hugs him tightly, while Thomas, Robin’s dad, claps him on the back a few times. Robin ducks between them to cling to him and El, it’s a little awkward, but he clings right back.

It is when he is hugging Robin that he meets his father’s eyes from over her head. He is standing in an expensive black suit next to his mother in a stylish black dress. They look every part the rich socialites, who have come to show support for the town’s tragedy.

In that moment, Steve hates them more than he ever has before. He hugs Robin even closer and glares at them, before letting go of Robin and asking Jonathan where to meet, since El doesn’t look like she is letting go and they still have to hear the will.

He doesn’t care about his parents. He isn’t going to let them get to him. Especially not today when there are more important people counting on him.

Steve goes by all the kids, who are clumped together, making sure to hug them all and tell them that they’re going to be okay. That they’re going to get through this. Mike tries to talk to El, who is still by Steve’s side, but she just shakes her head, before hiding in Steve’s jacket again. This causes Mike to glare at Steve, which he ignores. Emotions are already running high enough.

As he leaves, he is stopped by Max, who tugs on his sleeve and asks: “Steve?”

“Yeah, Max?” he says kindly, not wanting to trigger an upset reaction when she already looks like she can cry at any moment.

“Uhm, I- I know you didn’t have the best history with- with Billy,” she is stumbling over her words, but valiantly keeping in the tears. “But can you come. Tomorrow. To his funeral?”

“Of course,” he promises. He isn’t going to abandon her, not when she already lost a brother.

After that, he drives to the reading of the will with El, since she hasn’t left his side. He doesn’t know why she is clinging to him, when the two of them haven’t interacted much, but he isn’t going to abandon her when she obviously needs someone to lean on.

The group for the will is much smaller and Steve ends up sitting next to Joyce, with El squished between them. Steve gets a few odd looks, but he ignores it to support El.

Hopper didn’t have much, so most of the things that are in his will are sentimental things that he shared with people. Steve tries to ignore that Hopper must have made this will after their second run in with the Upside Down. How he must have foreseen that it wouldn’t be over and they might not all make it out next time.

That he was right about it.

The big thing he owns is the cabin, which has been paid off already. No one who knew about her is surprised when that goes to El. She is still a minor and Hopper has appointed Joyce as her guardian with her consent, which makes Steve glance at her.

Joyce looks back and he can see in her eyes that she remembers the conversation when Hopper asked her to look after El should something happen clearly now. He reaches over and squeezes her shoulder. No one should go through such a thing, but especially not Joyce.

When it’s all done, Steve asks her: “Have you talked to El about what will happen now?”

Both of them look to El, who is currently with Jonathan after she felt good enough to leave Joyce and Steve’s side for a bit. Then they look at each other and Steve sees some awkwardness in Joyce’s eyes that has him on edge.

“I am planning to move to California,” she tells him softly. “She and Will have been through too much here. I don’t want El to start school here and have everyone know and ask her questions. I haven’t started looking for places, since I wanted to ask if you wanted to come too. I know it’s all suddenly and I don’t expect an answer, but I’ve taken you in and I’m not planning on abandoning you, okay, honey?”

It takes a second for all her words to register.

First, all that plays through Steve’s mind is that the Byers are leaving Hawkins. They’re moving away, which is the only competent adult they have left and the girl with the power and knowledge, though the power has disappeared. Jonathan, who can fight. And Will, well, Will makes the most sense, but Steve knows how the party will miss him. How he holds them together.

If they all go, the party practically halves in numbers and Steve is the only one who is a proper adult. Nancy and Robin are there as well and while Robin is new to this, she can be counted on and Nancy is a powerhouse in her own right, but still. Steve will be the one most of the party turns to when shit hits the fan again.

At this point, Steve is still in the stage where the Upside Down coming back seems like an inevitability, though hopefully that will leave – it might be better to keep the mentality, seeing how it has come back again already, but still.

Then it hits Steve that Joyce is offering him to come with her. That she is giving him a way out of this hellhole to California. California where people are more accepting, where he isn’t tied to the Harrington name and his old reputation as well as new rumors. He can just accept her offer and be free of that.

But-

But he can’t.

Chrissy is still here, unable to leave her mom. They’re friends. They bonded over having horrible parents and how much it sucks to be alone in that. She broke into his house with him. He promised her they could always stunt together. That he would always make her fly.

And what about Robin, his favorite lesbian. The only other queer person, he has met besides Will, and that is still a maybe, and Eddie. But Robin. Robin is his queer friend. She knows him. They give each other hope and safety. He can’t just leave her.

Plus, they got tortured together. They were drugged together. They came out to each other. She has never had to deal with the aftermath of the Upside Down before. She obviously isn’t dealing perfectly and neither is he. And the thought of being away from her pains him.

Then there are the kids. They’re already going to loose two friends, who are moving to Cali and they have lost Hopper, who was as much their safety net as Steve is. He can’t hang them out to dry like it’s nothing. And Billy’s loss has hit Max harder than he thought. He can’t abandon her now, not after that.

His mind also jumps to Eddie, who is here in Hawkins. Eddie, who knows him, who has been kind in the moments he needed it. Eddie, who he likes. Eddie, who he wants to have a chance with. The boy he wanted to kiss when he was being tortured, the boy he still wants to kiss.

Steve shoves that last thought away, the other reasons are more important. Plus, him going would be an extra financial burden Joyce doesn’t need.

He is already shaking his head no, before he even thinks about it more. His voice is a little pained, because he would have loved to say yes, as he says: “I- I can’t. I can’t come with you. Thank you, but- I mean, the kids-”

As he stumbles over the words El pops up between them. It is obvious she has been eavesdropping, because she says: “He can have the cabin.”

Both Joyce and Steve look at her and Joyce immediately tells her that she is very sweet for offering, but she should think about such things and Steve is agreeing with Joyce, telling El that is not necessary at all.

“No,” El says, as stubborn as ever. “Hopper was going to take you in if you had no place to go. He wanted you to have a place. You cannot come with us, so you need a place to stay. He would want you to have a place to stay.”

For the hundredth time today, Steve has to repress the urge to cry, because he knows that he cares about Hopper and he kind of thought the other man cared about him, but the fact that he was willing to take him in confirms it.

He takes her cheeks between his hands and presses a kiss on her forehead, before hugging her close and swaying her from side to side. Squished into his chest, he hears her whisper: “We could have been siblings.”

And Steve remembers her running away to find the other numbers, to find a sibling. A connection out there. Remembers how she came back and decided Hopper was her connection. His heart swells with affection and aches at the same time about how she wanted him to feel included in that.

Still, he can recognize that she is in an emotional state, so he just says: “Thank you, El. You’re really sweet. Let’s talk about this later.”

She nods in his chest, mollified with his reaction. She allows Joyce to take her home, while Steve climbs into his own car and cries like he has wanted to all day. He cries until his tears have run dry, then drives to the Buckley house.

He doesn’t say anything all evening and none of them seem to expect him to, which he is grateful for. He sleeps in Robin’s bed again, holding her close against his chest and knows he made the right choice in saying no.

On Wednesday 10th of July, they bury Billy Hargrove. Steve hates the man, but seeing him die has been horrible and he can respect who he gave his life for and acknowledge who he hurt by dying.

So, he puts his black suit on again like an armor and holds Max throughout the ceremony, watching the distance between her mom and step-dad. An ominous feeling about it hanging in the air. Sees how neither of them look back to Max or check if she’s okay.

After the funeral, he takes her to get a milkshake. Neither of them speak as they drink it in their mourning clothes, everyone giving them a wide berth.

It is a week of many funerals, it seems like everyone has lost someone.

When he brings her home, neither parent had noticed her missing, but she seems happier than when he met her at the graveyard. They’ll just have to be there for her, Steve thinks, making a note to keep an eye on her for a few months.

[argotalks]

Billy Hargrove's trauma isn't comparable to anyone else in the show in my opinoin.

This is complicated to respond to. Billy received the most extreme physical abuse, yes. But the comparison of trauma isn't good, and can be harmful. It could potentially imply "my trauma means more than yours" or "I relate to this character, the character you relate to hasn't gone through enough to deserve trauma". It could also be as simple as a characters abuse shouldn't be ignored on how much it impacted the character.

A lot of people relate to different characters trauma. For example Jonathan. His response to his abuse, which from my memory was more mental/emotional than physical, is very real for some people. And implying that that trauma is less than, is harmful.

Another example is Mike Wheeler. His neglect from his parents was obvious. And childhood neglect can be seriously harmful. Implying that that trauma is less than, is harmful.

Or Will who was called slurs from such a young age. I'm a gay man and can't imagine how it would feel if that were to happen to me. I'd say I hid my homosexuality pretty well due to my homophobic environment. It was mentally damaging pretending to be someone that I wasn't. Implying that was less than is harmful.

Eleven went through things that people can relate to with how it left her mentally. Asocial and antisocial people could relate to her behaviors after the life she went through. Implying that is less than is harmful.

Trauma is trauma, it is never a competition.

If I misinterpreted this ask I deeply apologize, and if I came of as condescending I deeply apologize. My intent doesn't matter though, my impact does.

Tell me more if you would like. And please be considerate of other people's experiences if someone chooses to share theirs.

[theladybarnes]

DON’T YOU WANT ME, BABY? : CHAPTER FIVE

“Our children don't live here anymore. You didn't know that?”

▸ summary: patience is wearing thin, and you’re over everyone ▸ characters: steve harrington, dustin henderson, ft. billy hargrove ▸ word count: 5.8k     ▸ warnings: angst, toxic exes, and slow burn ▸ series masterlist

"C’mon, Jonathan. Pick up, pick up.” you muttered into the receiver, glancing around you. The final bell of the day had rang about five minutes ago and you’ve been trying to reach anyone over at the Byers’ house. But to your dismay, the line kept ringing and ringing. 

 “Ugh, screw this.” you hissed, slamming the phone down. Looking across the parking with wishful thinking. You hope that he might be there waiting for you, when you notice someone else has already been staring at you.

 Billy, who was leaning against the outside of his car, was watching you carefully. Almost like a predator watching its prey. It was infuriating. Having stared too long, it gave Billy the idea to seek you out.

 Breaking eye contact, you march over the bike rack, attempting now to make your leave. All while silently sending out a curse to your father for still not thinking you deserved to have your car back. It left you institutions like this where you needed to escape annoying exes.

 “You’re a real piece of work, aren’t ya?”

 You continue on with the bike lock, ignoring Billy so you could add in the right number combination. “Yeah, I make my parents really proud.” is all that you reply, getting the lock to release. He huffed loudly, kicking his foot against the pedal of your bike while you stuffed the lock and chain into your bag. “Now leave me alone.”

 “Do you understand how embarrassing it was to have you yell at me like that? In front of all these hicks?” he seethed, reaching out to grip at your arm. But you’re faster this time, moving to step back before he could make contact.

 “What part of leave me alone, don’t you get?” you hissed back, moving to turn your bike anyway. But all Billy does is grab it by the handle and slam back against the metal rack.

 “You know, I’ve liked you for two years now. And all you’ve done since I’ve come here is treat me like shit.”  He pointed his finger at you, close to poking it against your cheek as he stepped in closer. “I don’t understand what’s your problem?”

 “Get your finger out of my face or I’ll bite it.” He squinted his eyes, contemplating the idea of testing that theory out before he pulled his hand down to his side. Leaning in, he glowered down for a moment. But like a flick of a switch, his face split into a cocky smile.

 “You know, I have a lot of girls here, even some of the boys, albeit losers, eating out of the palm of my hands.” His tongue flicked out to lick over his lips while his blue eyes flickered to your mouth. Almost as if he was overcome with hunger. “But you, all I want is you to go back to being the girl I know you want to be.”

 “I’m not–”

 “You can say you’re not that girl, but I know you, Henderson. I’ve known every single part of you for years now.” He took a confident step forward, making your footing trip a bit. The distraction was enough for him to wrap his fingers around your jaw, forcing you to look up at him. 

 The amount of manhandling you’ve faced from Billy was accumulating far too much these days and you wished that you had the strength to chuck him across the lot.

 “This attitude of yours,” he went on, breathing out his familiar scent of mint and cigarette combination over your face. “It’s like a disease.”

 “I could say the same about you, Billy. Except, most people would identify it as venereal.” you chuckled, nervous for how close he was getting now. He ignored your quip to pull your face closer. The beat of your heart turning into a thumping panic as he ghosted his lips over yours.

 Instinctively, you close your eyes, bracing for the worst. But nothing ever happens and Billy simply lets you go after a second. It’s not till the sound of a roaring engine that your eyes snapped open, turning to glance to the direction of the source.

 Steve, watching from the lot, was glaring over at you and Billy. With a muted scoff, he turned at his wheel and began to drive away from the parking spot. Giving Billy the reaction he wanted. Your face must have looked just as upset, making the boy beside you laugh loudly as he pushed back. Jerking your head a bit as he finally released you. 

 “You’re a bitch.” he said simply, giving your body a once over. “You oughta see a doctor. Because I think that condition of yours is getting a lot worse.” Winking over at you, he turned quickly on his heel back to the direction of his car.

 For once, you’re left speechless. 

  The night was thankfully less eventful when you got home. Aunt Claudia had a bridge game, and Dustin was suspiciously locked up in his room for most of the night, giving you the peace and quiet that you needed after a ridiculous day.

 The following morning however, was not as calm as you had hoped it to be.

 Aunt Claudia had come barging in your room, tearful and worried about the whereabouts of her cat Mews. You couldn’t quite recall the last time you had seen the cat, but you promised after a nice hot shower you’d attempt to check around the area with her. 

 You had spent a chunk of the day, picking through all the bushes that surrounded the house, trying to scope out the stupid cat. The search and rescue was beginning to turn futile and you dreaded the idea of bearing the bad news to your Aunt. 

 It’s not until late afternoon that you’re slithering past her watchful eyes. Making your way back inside the house in hopes of a break. You can hear Dustin by the phone muttering to himself while you make your way into the kitchen for a cup of water. With his back to you, you’re not really able to see what he’s doing from the sink, but you can almost tell it’s no good.

 You turn around for just one second when you hear him begin to speak.

 “Oh Hello Mr. McCorkle! Yeah, yeah, I was told you might have some news about our cat?”

 Spinning around, you watch as he stands in place, listening intently into the receiver. Your Aunt comes back in not long after, face still etched with worry. “Dusy, baby, you’re sure she’s not in your room?” 

 “The room is probably a pigsty! Poor Mewsy is probably trapped in an avalanche of comics.” you called out, marching over to stand beside your Aunt. “Let me take a look in there.” Dustin simply held a finger up to hush the two of you.

 “Uh huh. Thank you so much, Mr. McCorkle. Thank you so much. You are a true lifesaver.” There was an edge of insincerity to his tone that you were surprised his own Mother couldn’t catch. “All right, this was great. Thank you, all right. Have a good one. Bye-bye, now. All right. You, too.”

 Turning around, he gave a cheerful smile to the two of you. “All right, great news.” 

 “They found her?” Your Aunt tearfully hoped.

 “No. But they saw her wandering around Loch Nora.”

 “How did the poor baby get all the way out there?” whimpered your poor Aunt. You on the other hand, could not figure out how a pampered indoor cat could wander off to a small suburb area. Loch Nora was a good fifteen minutes at least when walking.

 “I don’t know. Lost, I guess. But they’re gonna look for her. And I’ll stay here, just in case they call again.” Already Aunt Claudia is gearing towards the front door, a hopeful grin on her face. “And you’re gonna go help look? Yeah?” he continued, helping lead her the rest of the way.

 She pulled Dustin into her chest, hugging him tightly while beginning to cry again. “Give me a hug, give me a hug.” he coaxed her. “Go get her. You’re gonna find her.” She let him go and turned to you, giving you a just as tight hug.

 “I’m gonna bring the baby back home.” she whispered, pulling back to gauge your reaction. All you could think was to nod and smile, giving her a thumbs up as she grabbed her keys and purse. Ready for the search and rescue. 

 “We can find her, we can find her!” Dustin continued on, still weirdly calm. “I love you.” he grinned, blowing her a kiss. The two of them kept throwing the phrase to each other before she blew you a kiss too. “I love you too. Love you both so much!”

 The moment she closed the door, you couldn’t help but tilt your head at Dustin, curious to what the hell he was doing. “Allright, spill it. What the hell is going on?”

 “I have no clue what you’re talking about.” 

 “Really? How about the fact that you’re sending Aunt Claudia on a wild goose chase? Since when would a cat like Mews be able to wander off far enough to Loch Nora?” 

 He crossed his arms, sighing heavily as he mirrored your tired expression. “Mews is a curious little feline who probably got out last night. It would make sense she’s down there considering it’s just up the hillside.”

 “How am I supposed to believe it’s something as simple as that and not you accidentally letting her out for too long?”

 “Beats me, but either way. You better head out there and look for her.”

 “Yeah right, I’ve been looking all morning. How about you go help look and I stay back to wait out for phone calls.”

 Dustin glanced behind to the phone, shaking his head no quickly. “That’s dumb, I’m already doing that. Why don’t you go check with Jonathan? You said you tried calling yesterday right? Go do something with him.”

 You can’t help but feel your face turn into a scowl at your cousin’s dismissal. For a second, you consider sticking around just to annoy the kid. But since it’s finally the weekend and you’re really worried about your friend, you can’t help but go through with the opportunity. 

 “Fine. But I’m only going because I wanted to check on him anyway!”

 “Whatever,” he huffed, going so far as to push you towards the door. Holding it open for you to leave already. You give him a slight shove on the way out, raising your hand up to give him a gesture. The sound of his cracked voice yelled out behind you. 

 “Do not flip me off, young lady! And call me if you find Mike or Will there!”

  By the time you had managed to bike over to the Byers’ house, the whole place had been completely abandoned. The only signs of people still having lived there were the slightly new oil stains on the driveway from one of their cars. You wondered if you missed some sort of memo on whether or not the whole family had some surprise vacation.

 Though it seemed like a dumb idea, you still checked over other areas in town for your friend. Going to the record store, the book store, and even making a quick return back to the supply store from last year in case he decided to take on shooting practice.

 But nothing seemed to show any signs of the damn boy. The moment you manage to find him, you were really going to give him a piece of your mind. 

 The winter sun unfortunately began to set faster than you had hoped. And after riding around town all day, you feel exhausted as you continue to try and pedal back home. Maybe Joyce has come back and can give you some sort of idea. If not, then you’d have to suck it up and make a check with the Wheeler household for Nancy.

 The cold air whipped around your face as you peddled quickly down the dark road towards your home. The creeping feeling of someone watching you came quickly as you zipped past the streets. You’re practicing the type of pleading you could give to your dad for your car back when you hear the sounds of your name being yelled. 

 Headlights shined brightly over your face, making it hard to recognize the car that was slowly approaching you. It’s not till the tires of the car rolling over the gravel on the side of the road that the car finally comes to a stop. Giving you a chance to finally see the person that had been calling out to you was Dustin. 

 He climbs out of the car, leaning against the door as he looks at you curiously. It’s then that you notice just what car he’s come out of.

 He pushed the car door open, moving to grip into the side panel of the window as he looked at you curiously. Your eyes flickered over to the driver of the car, shocked to find that he’s with Steve of all people. Dustin doesn’t even get the chance to speak before you’re rushing over towards him with your bike.

 “What the hell are you doing with Steve Harrington?” you gaped, trying to avoid looking at the man in the driver’s seat.

 But as if waiting for his cue, Steve climbed out of the car door, leaning against the roof of the car as he raised a brow at you. “Could have ran you off the road there, trouble. Why the hell are you biking out so late anyway?”

 “She was probably looking for her boyfriend.” Dustin muttered, annoyance clear in his tone. “Complained all last night about how he wouldn’t return her calls and went as far to look for him today. Which, by the way, thanks for getting back to me.”

 “Boyfriend?!” said you and Steve at once. 

 Steve squinted over at you, skeptic of the accusation but also too curious not to press forward. “She’s been trying to call Hargrove?” He asked, looking only at Dustin. 

 “Hargrove? Who the hell is that? I meant Jonathan.”

 “BYERS?” Steve yelled, looking back at you momentarily. “Since when is she dating Jonathan Byers?!”

 “I don’t know, probably Christmas?”

 “Excuse me.” you tried to intervene.

 “Christmas?! What about Billy?”

 “I seriously have no idea who that is.”

 “The guy that kissed her at school. Her ex.”

 “A guy kissed her at school?!”

 “Guys..” you sighed, feeling the aggravation take over. But both boys continued to spew out their own guesses at just who your boyfriend was and when it happened. Taking in a deep breath you count to three, attempting to calm down before you finally had enough.

 “WILL YOU GUYS SHUT UP!?”

 Finally, both boys turned quiet at your sudden explosion. Wiping a hand over your face, you point over at Dustin first to straighten things up. “I am not or will not ever date Jonathan Byers. He is my friend, and nothing else.” Looking over at Steve, you shake your head, almost frustrated to have to yell at him again before continuing. “I am also NOT dating Billy.”

 “Yeah?” he scoffed, running a hand through his bouncy hair. “So what was that I saw at school yesterday? First you tell us off in front of everyone at lunch and next thing I see after school is you two about to kiss.”

 The slight venom that was laced in his tone reminded you of last year when he confronted Nancy about seeing Jonathan in her room. And just like last time, you can’t help but feel annoyed that he’s past giving the benefit of the doubt. 

 “Yeah, well, Billy likes to take whatever he wants. Regardless if the other person is willing.” you shrug, not too sure how in depth you wanted to go about how your relationship had been with the guy. “It’s not like it’s any of your business anyway, right?”

 Steve stilled in place, a flicker of something glistened in his eyes before he looked down, almost ashamed. Dustin cleared his throat, tugging at the sleeve of your sweater to draw back your attention to him.

 “Look, there’s not a lot of time. But you need to get in the car.”

 “Why? I can just bike home.” 

 Shaking his head, he grabbed the handle bars of your bike before calling out for Steve to open his trunk. The other boy moved away from his door to join Dustin in the back of the car. You followed behind them and stared wide as the opened trunk revealed a familiar weapon from the year before. 

 “Dustin..” you groaned. “What the hell is going on?”

 The small boy looked somewhat nervous, picking at his zipper while he looked at Steve for help. But all he did was give a grunt, pushing your bike inside as he muttered out how he had no clue either. Moving to the back door, he held it open for you giving a weary smile. 

 “Get in, I’ll explain on the way home.”

  It’s a good five minutes of Dustin’s brief story of Dart. You’re a little bit mad that you didn’t figure out he was hiding something sooner. But after the past couple of days filled with boy drama and school, you never stood a chance.

 “Wait a sec.” Steve said, speaking up first. “How big?”

 “First it was like that.” Dustin said, holding his finger and thumb up. “Now he’s like this.” He dramatically opened his hands out now, giving a vastly larger scale.

 “I swear to God, man, it’s just some little lizard, okay?”

 You poked your head from the back seat, leaning to look over at Steve. “Do you think lizards that size just grow in a day?”

 “It’s not a lizard!” Dustin clarified. But Steve shook his head, not quite believing him. 

 “How do you know?”

 “How do I know if it’s not?”

 “How do you know it’s not just a lizard?!”

 “Because his face opened up and he ate my cat.”

 The answer seemed to put Steve in place, making him nod in reply as he kept his eyes on the road. You, on the other hand, leaned back forward again, this time looking over at Dustin with wide eyes. Jaw nearly on the car floor at his reveal.

 “THE CAT?!” you cried out. “As in the cat that your Mom and I spent all morning looking for? The very same cat that I was calling out for hours, looking through bushes, and scaling the house for any signs of?! THAT CAT?”

 “You spent all morning looking for a cat?” Steve chuckled, earning a glare from you momentarily. Dustin cleared his throat nervously, fingers fiddling again with his zipper as he kept his gaze forward and away from your angry gaze.

 “Well, it wasn’t like I wanted Dart to do it on purpose. I just came home last night to find them–”

 “YOU’VE KNOWN SINCE LAST NIGHT?!”

 “I’d quit talking if I were you, Henderson.” Steve muttered, trying to save Dustin from digging himself further. 

 “You stay out of this!” you hissed, reaching out to grab Dustin by the collar. ”You little shit! I knew you were hiding something!” 

 The boy screamed as you tried to climb over the front seat, attempting to swat at his head. If you weren’t stuck with your seatbelt, you would have really done worse to your cousin. But after making the car swerve and Steve yell out in panic, you were forced to sit back until the ride was over.

 “Geez, you two make me feel like we’re in a boxing ring.”

 “Oh,shut up.” you pouted, climbing out the back door of the car. Dustin was quick to go over towards Steve’s side, using the older boy as a barrier between you two. 

 Popping the trunk back open, Steve chucked his keys over to Dustin, reaching in to hand you your bike. You carelessly threw against the stairs of the house while  he pulled out what Dustin originally needed him for.

 “I’m surprised those secret service guys from the lab didn’t take this from you. Might still have demogorgon goo on it.”

 “Nah, I hid her away pretty quick. She did me right last time. Figured it might be good to have on me in case I needed it again.”

 You reached out to graze your finger against one of the spikes, shaking your head at the memory from that night. “Unfortunately, you do.” Holding your palm out, you lead the way over towards the shed at the back of the house. “You sure this thing is in there?” you asked Dustin, noticing how he was looking at the two of you oddly.

 “Uh yeah, he’s all locked up in there.”

 Marching down the dirt path, you both allow Steve to take the lead, giving him a flash light even as he stepped up to the doors. Like Dustin said, it was locked up tight with a thick chain. There’s a second where you both seemed to hold your breath as Steve leaned in to listen close.

 “I don’t hear shit.”

 “He’s in there.”

 Stretching his hand out, he used the tip of the bat to tap against the door, making a heavy tapping sound. Nothing. From where you stood you could tell there’s uncertainty on Steve’s face. But that didn’t stop him from dramatically giving a loud bang on the door.

 Again nothing responds back.

 “All right, listen, kid. I swear, if this is some sort of Halloween prank, you’re dead.”

 “It’s not.”

 “All right?” he said, shining the light over Dustin’s face. Making the kid close his eyes.

 “It’s not a prank. Get it out of my face.”

 “I’ll let her go at you,” he warned, looking at you for confirmation. His tone is almost stern like a parent and you have to hold back a smirk as you nod in agreement.

 “You got a key for this thing?”

 Dustin reached into his back pocket before slipping the key to Steve. Handing you the bat briefly, he unlocked the chains and opened up the heavy doors before he grabbed the bat again. Nothing seemed to be stirring at all down the stairs but you felt a shiver run up your spine from the sight of the darkness.

 “He must be further down there.” Dustin guessed, sounding just as creeped out as you felt.. “We’ll stay up here in case he tries to escape.” He gently tugged you to take a step back as Steve stared up at the two of you. Brows knitted together in disbelief before he let out a heavy sigh.

 While you felt bad for making Steve head down alone, you really weren’t going to be much help without a weapon and with stairs in the way. Lord knows you wouldn’t be able to run up fast enough. 

 So instead, you stood by Dustin, gripping tightly to his arm as you waited for Steve to notify what was going on down there. The lack of any sort of commotion was both good and bad. It’s not like this thing suddenly died while waiting. But if there was no noise then that could only mean..

 “Steve?” called out Dustin. He looked like he wanted to check down on the guy, but stayed back out of the fear he was trying to hide. “Steve, what’s going on down there?”

 A flash of light shined quickly over his face, making the two of you jump back .

 “Get down here.”

 Climbing down, you wave your hand over your face, coughing at some of the dusty air that was filled inside before taking the last step to join the two. 

 “Oh shit.” you said with Dustin. Hanging from the end of Steve’s bat was a gooey long piece of molted skin. It only turned worse when Steve pointed over towards the corner of the room. Pieces of the concrete had been dug through, giving the little bastard a chance to escape the bunker. 

 “No way..no way.” Dustin muttered once the light inside the hole showed a long tunnel. Not only was this thing growing, but now, it had a chance to make his way straight to Hawkins.

  The three of you tried for hours to see if you could catch sight of the little beast around the house and neighborhood. After finding nothing but an exit tunnel towards the entrance of the woods, Dustin suggested to return home for now. 

 Back inside the house, the three of you form up a solid plan on how to find Dart and hopefully lure him away from the main parts of Hawkins. But having spent most of the night on a failing search, that left all of you stuck until morning to move onto the next phase of the plan. 

 You had just finished searching through the freezer for any kind of raw unseasoned meat when you noticed how late it was getting. Entering back in the living room, you see Steve, who was with his legs crossed in front of the couch with a magazine on his lap. Dustin remained sitting up on the couch. But from the way his head hung forward, you could tell he was asleep. 

 “I’m gonna need your help.” you sighed, gaining Steve’s attention. His brown eyes followed where yours were looking and noticed the sleeping boy behind him. 

 “Shit, I thought he was strangely quiet.” 

 “Yeah, it’s the only time we’ll ever get this kinda silence.” You noted, glancing at your watch. “He must have been tired from getting Dart out of the house.” 

 Without actually having to ask, Steve placed the magazine down. Grunting as he pulled himself up from the comfortable spot on the floor. He reached over for Dustin’s arms and helped drag the kid from the seat. 

 A delirious Dustin, momentarily called out for you, only to be shushed by Steve as you both lead him down the hall to his room. You can’t help but notice just how caring and gentle Steve is with him. Even hearing him quietly say a ‘goodnight, buddy’ before following you out the bedroom door. 

 “I guess it’s getting pretty late.” Steve said, while looking at his wrist. “I could drive home and come back in a couple of hours.” He finished, letting out a big yawn. It’s in the hallway light that you notice just how tired he looked himself. You wonder if his current situation has been keeping him up at night. 

 “Well, we got a ton of stuff to do tomorrow. Probably need to head to the market early for all the supplies.” You volleyed, watching him nod slowly. 

 “I guess I can sleep in the car.”

 The mere thought of Steve slumped up in the front seat of his car, attempting to sleep in the cold night made your chest ache. You couldn’t even take out the trash on some nights because of how cold you felt. 

 “Or,” you said, speaking before you could think it over. “You can just spend the night here.” 

 “Here?” He stuttered a bit, looking around the hall like he’d get in trouble for the notion alone. “I can’t spend the night here..”

 “Why not?” Keeping the tone of your voice playful, you turn quickly to cover up your own shocked expression. Waving a hand quickly to urge him to follow you down the hall. Turning to your bedroom, you open the door and motion for him to follow you in. “It’s literally just to sleep for a couple of hours before we start everything.”

 “Yeah,” he said hesitantly entering through the threshold. “But I’m a guy and I can’t just stay over.”

 “You mean to tell me you haven’t spent the night over at a girl’s house?” You smirked over at him, noticing a flush of pink hue spread over his cheeks while he fiddled around with some of the necklaces you had dangling on a jewelry stand. “It’s not like a sleepover, Steve. You’re just sleeping over.” 

 “God, you’re still trouble.” 

 Going into your closet, you reach down toward the back for the spare blanket and pillow you had tucked away on your first day. You’re suddenly filled with a little bit of dread when you realize that you don’t exactly have a place for him to sleep on. 

 “All right, I don’t really have a sleeping bag so unless you want to break your back on the floor, we’re gonna have to share the bed.” 

 He looked with wide eyes over at your full size bed. Gripping onto the pillow tightly. “The bed? Like you and me? On there?”

 Rolling your eyes, you nod your head in reply. Worried that saying it out loud yourself might give away how crazy this was to you too. But not for whatever reason Steve had. You’re pretty sure he didn’t have an almost sex dream about you. “We can use my other pillow as a wall between us. It’ll be like when you took naps in Kindergarten.” 

 “Yeah, well I could never really nap then anyway.” He muttered, looking at the sheets defeated. “Isn’t this weird though? You hate me.” 

 “I hated Billy  and did worse with him in the sheets.”

 His face soured as he slowly shed off his jacket, placing it to hang over your chair before he toed off his shoes. He mumbled something under his breath before approaching the side of your bed. “So I usually like sleeping by the window..”

 “Just get in, your highness.”

 Climbing under the blanket, he scooted over to the farthest place on the bed, careful not to hog the space. Chucking the extra blanket at him, you push the extra pillow beside him and climb inside. Your heart began to race and you ignored the screaming going on in your head to turn off the light.

 It’s like the darkness makes your senses more heightened. Even if you both were still in clothes from the day before (you didn’t want to even go near your nightgown after your dream), everything about him is overwhelming. The weight of his body in the bed, dipping you closer to him, the smell of his lingering cologne, and even the soft sound of his breathing. The top of his wild hair peeked through the pillow wall you struggled to make. At this point, you wondered if you’d get any sleep tonight.

 Beside you, Steve sighed softly, seeming to be awake as well before he lifted his head up to look over. It made you cringe slightly at the fact that he caught you looking in his direction.

 “I’m sorry about before.” he said softly, the slight light of moonlight peeking through your curtains allowed you to still see his scrunched up expression. “I sort of accused you of doing something with Billy..I should have known it was just him being a dick..”

 Turning on your side, you turned to face Steve better, hoping that you didn’t look as taken back as you felt. “It’s alright.” you shrugged. “He kind of makes everyone angry when they talk about him.”

 “Which is what’s so confusing.”

 “What do you mean?”

 Turning on his side, he leaned on his elbow, resting his head on his hand as he peered down at you. “How the hell could a girl like you date that asshole?” 

 For a moment you’re kind of stumped. Not sure what to answer since it’s been something you’ve thought about ever since leaving California. But the more you tried to make a reason, the more you found that you don’t really have a good answer. 

 “Because I was an asshole.”

 “What?” he asked in a scoff. “You’re not an asshole.”

 “No, but if I remember clearly, you did think I was a bitch once.” His mouth fell and he stuttered to try and apologize but you shook your head, stopping him from saying it. “I can admit it. I don’t think I was a good person until the accident.” 

 Looking down at your hands, you play around with the edge of the blanket to ignore Steve’s eyes as he watched you. Billy’s words from yesterday rang in your mind. “It’s like a disease.”

  “I used to be such a bitch..worse than anything you’ve seen so far. And the sad part is I don’t even know why.” You can’t help but laugh at yourself. “It’s not like I needed to be. My parents weren’t negligent or mean. But when I was with Billy, I felt like I was a part of a role. That I was someone special because I was dating the most wanted guy at school. None of my friends even cared about things like that. So why did I?”

 Steve’s silence has you reeling back your sudden emotions. 

 “Mistakes happen and I’m over sharing.” you finished. Going as far to pull the blanket up to cover some of your face. “We should probably go to sleep.”

 “I was wrong.” Steve said after a second of silence. “You were never a bitch. If anything, I was the asshole.” His tongue flickered over his lips as he glanced up, trying to form his words. “I think you’re actually the coolest person to ever step foot in Hawkins. And if my big dumb mouth made you think otherwise for even a second I’m sorry.”

 There’s an odd feeling filling inside you and you bite on your bottom lip to keep it down.

 “I’m not the best with words. I think you out of everyone would know that. But I just want you to know that I’m sorry. For all that shit. And if tomorrow is the only time we hang out again after everything, then I understand.” 

 The brown of his eyes are darkened by the lack of light, making his stare feel like it baring even more at you. His hand stretched out, cupping the side of your cheek lightly before his thumb brushed under your eye. It's then you realize he’s wiped away a tear. “Those damn allergies, right?” 

 “Steve..” 

 He shakes his head, urging you to not finish your sentence. “Goodnight, trouble.” 

 You can’t find it in yourself to reply back. Despite all the other times Steve has tried to apologize. This was the first that left you unable to respond. No clever remark or even a glare could come over you. 

 So you turn over again, giving Steve your back as he did the same to you. The room returned to its former silence as you both finished talking.

 Tomorrow you’d both go back to fighting monsters. But all you’d be thinking about is the lingering burn you felt on your skin right now. And how much you wish you could feel it again.

a/n: Phew this took a while to get through. sorry for the wait and any mistakes. my friend wasn’t able to proof read it for me! but i hope you guys enjoy this chapter. also shout out to the pretty in pink reference that inspired billy’s scene. next one is gonna have so much drama and angst~~

[hyperfixationgoddess]

I have this head cannon, y'see and I can't really talk about it in real life, so now it's tumblr's problem. Yaaaaay.

Okay, here it is. This is an a/b/o au. The upside down has its own scent, right? And it scents COLD. And only a select few in Hawkins know that scent. Of course, Steve Harrington is one of them. That day in the field, in s2, when the Mind Flayer was taking over Will, what if the high school gym was close enough to that field that everyone could smell it? That overwhelming scent of dark, cold, evil. Steve is the only one who recognizes it .

He'd never run so fast in all his life.

Steve is the first on the scene, sees Will just standing there, his own pup scent overwhelmed by cold. Steve has always run hot, and he learned a long time ago, due to absent parents, how to scent warmth.

He goes up to Will, and just hugs him, scents warm, because it makes sense, right? The upside down was making it cold, so Steve had to warm him up. When the rest of the crew find them, Steve is just holding Will close, scenting warm, and encouraging him to fight off the upside down.

"it's okay, Will, you're doing great, you're so strong, pup, you can do it, you're so strong, stronger than anything that place can throw at you, come on, kiddo, you got this..." Etc., Etc.

When the others arrive, he tells them to scent warm like he is, cause it'll help pull Will out of this dark place. They all end up in this big group hug: Steve, Will, Mike, Dustin, Lucas, Max, Joyce. Then, when the basketball team shows up looking for Steve, he just looks at Hargrove, and is like, you're basically a human furnace, get over here and help us get this pup warm.

Fyi, Steve is obviously an omega, and Billy is an alpha, so who is he to refuse.

Finally, Will wakes up mind flayer-free, and he just clings to Steve while sobbing. He accidentally calls Steve mama, which just makes him melt, and then Steve and Joyce and the kids, including Max, take Will home and just gives him all the love he deserves. The next day, Steve takes all the kids to meet the Hawkins High Dungeon Master, Eddie Munson, to help Will feel better

And that, my friends, is how Steve adopts all of the kids in this au. Of course, D'art is still around, so that's how Steve bonds with Dustin specifically. Dustin and Will are his favorites. Billy just kind of fell for Steve after seeing his mama bear side, as did Eddie, because I am a sucker for Harringroveson.

[sara-likes-things]

The first time Steve saw Billy Hargrove he thought he looked like an asshole, the first time he got to interact with him he found he was right. Then after starcourt everything changed.

The things is, Billy Hargrove is the type of asshole Steve hates, the loud cocky kind, almost a mixure of king Steve and Tommy worst traits but in a better looking package.

Steve disliked lots of things about Billy but the most annoying one was that just because Hargrove is from California he gets to walk like he is the best thing to ever happen to Hawkins, and sure, Steve is confident too, his confidence comes from growing up wealthy, there's a certain pride only rich people have and Steve has no lack of it, his parents might not always be there for him but they taught him that he deserves good things above anyone else.

And sure that might have led to king Steve and he was an asshole too but the difference is Steve will never lose this confidence because no matter how popular or not he still is or how many times he gets beat up Steve is going to walk like he is the coolest guy ever, he has killed aliens for gods sake, of course he is cool. The only thing that sometimes makes him waver is that Steve doesn't understand as quickly as others (they all are nerds on his defence so sue him for not getting it as fast as them) but Steve knows he is charming enough to make people ignore that. And if his parents and their rich friends have teach him something is that charm goes farther than smarts, you only need to be charming enough to get to the top and then hire smart people to work for you.

But Steve is not an asshole anymore, he grow up. Finding about alien dogs from other other worlds does that to you.

So he is not surprised that Billy changed too.

Yeah, Steve hated the way Billy acted till he gets to really see who Billy becomes after the whole starcourt fiasco.

(Maybe he was always like that, Steve isnt sure).

What Steve is sure about is that Billy confidence is more of a bravado, sure he's loud and cocky because Billy knows he is hot and that his good looks help him to be popular but Billy also knows that he has to mask his personality to make the good looks really work, and none of this really matter when the most important person on his life makes him feel so small, like he is a nuisance at best (Steve hates Neil Hargrove but thats another thing).

Steve can notice how Hargrove gets tired of pretending everything is okay and gets lost on his head when he think no ones paying attention, all that loudness dissapearing behind sad glassy eyes.

Steve can see how Billy gets self-concious when people notice his scars, as if people noticing them erases his good looks and with that all his worth(Steve thinks they only make him look cooler, like an actual action movie star but in real life).

Billy after starcourt is quiet.

So when Billy sometimes acts the way old Billy acted Steve doesnt hate it anymore, he craves it, almost as if behind that survivor guilt there's a will to live and not just to perish.

A will to bring the old Billy back.

Because Steve knows about being cocky and acting like you're above the rest but he also knows about survival, and after learning about the real Billy how can he hate someone for trying to live.

[sunwarmed-ash]

Eastside

Ship: Billy/Steve, Harringrove

Rating: Not rated (mentions of violence)

Tags: Pining, complicated relationships, bi awakening, Billy and Steve are friends, friends to lovers, angst, coming out, Neil Hargroves A+ parenting, mentions of child abuse, love confessions

AN: So I had the first half of this fic written way back when season 2 came out and this song was on the radio a bunch. When I first heard it I saw the scene at the quarry in my head, Billy asking Steve to run away with him to California, so I wrote that. And then it lived in my WIP graveyard. For years.

Then this post by @rockabye-billy came across my dash today and my muse kicked in and wrote the rest!

I hope you like my interpretation @rockabye-billy I had a lot of fun writing it!

Summary:

“I just want to leave, man.” 

Steve takes the pivot. 

“We can drive wherever you want Billy.”

“No, Steve. I mean, leave, leave. Tonight.” 

He blinked. 

“W-Where would we go?

“Anywhere we want.” A faint smile appears on his face, one Steve can’t remember the last time he saw it. “We could drive to California. You could see a real beach. You ever swam in the ocean, Steve?” 

Shit. Billy was serious. 

“But, w-what? I mean, what would we do? For work?”

“Anything baby. We get to California first. Everything else we can figure out later.” Billy held out his hand. His blue eyes shine with hope as he pleads, "Come with me?"

“Billy, I’m sorry, it just- doesn't sound very practical, is all. I mean, we can’t just leave.”

Billy looks positively shattered. Steve wants to die for putting that look there. 

"Steve... I love you, okay? I mean, come on, do you really think we could be happy here?"

"Billy, this is our home."

Billy’s face twisted into a nasty snarl. 

"Your home Steve, not mine."

Now it was Steve’s turn to look shattered, and the pair looked away from each other for the first time all night. 

It's quiet for three minutes. Until Billy says,  

"I’m sorry… I just- Steve, do you really want to live the rest of your life hiding? Huh? Get yourself hitched to some chick? Move to the suburbs? Become a home lovin'- child raisin', God-fearing ‘imitation heterosexual?’"

"..."

“And for what? So you can become another dead soul? Going to the mall, dropping the kids off at school, having backyard BBQ’s? Fuck that. If they want to live their lives in constant misery, fine. But that’s their fucking death Steve, not mine. We deserve better.” 

Steve is quiet for a long time. And after his explosion, so is Billy. 

They share a cigarette in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. 

When Steve ashes out the filter against his tennis shoe the silence breaks.

[whenyouwishuponastar7]

AO3 FIRST LINES

Rules: Post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to AO3 (Sort by date posted.) If you have less than 10 fics posted, post what you have! Tagged by @discodeviant​ thank yoooooou ;3; Steve is eighteen when he’s drafted. It’s been the most steady and reliable event of his life, something he knows he can turn the radio on to tune in to, start a conversation with, and wonder about. It’s been like this for years already. - and the guns, shot above our heads Billy Hargrove isn’t a fan of Hawkins, Indiana. - shot of love “So, you don’t think I should be aloof.” “No. I mean, yes. Don’t be aloof. That was last year Steve and last year Steve was a fucking moron. Be a gentleman. Kind. Caring. Be nice. Be real, man, too, because they always know when you’re not. Treat them like fellow human beings who deserve respect because they do. More than our sorry asses.” - driftin’ too far from the shore Steve is a born-and-bred hacker. Well, not really. He’s a kid raised on computers, given the best of the best each Christmas, so his parents don’t have to worry about where he is, what he’s up to, or even parenting him at all. - honest with me The landline blares to life and Steve’s eyes snap open. - my bucket’s got a hole in it Steve has never done a single thing wrong in his life. Alright, that’s not true. He’s done a lot wrong and likes to think he’s learning from it every day. He’s still young and fucks up, but as long as he apologizes, learns a lesson, and grows, that’s good, right? - seeing the real you at last Vividly blue marks have always covered Steve’s skin. Scrapes and bruises on his knees and elbows that weren’t his own. Rugburns on his arms and nicks on his shins. They bloom like blue ink touching a wet surface, outward and unique each time. - blood in my eyes Steve sits on the couch in the living room with a bowl of sugared blackberries and raspberries. - one more night Steve Harrington has been working in Cold Stone Creamery for precisely four and a half weeks before Billy Hargrove strolls into his life again. - what was it you wanted A scream echoes through the night, breaking through the steady flow of rain and thunder. Lightning streaks across the sky and a sob is heard over the cacophony of the storm. Thick, heavy raindrops fall onto the grass, dirt, slides and tinkles off animals on creaky springs, their paint chipped halfway off. - shelter from the storm --- Thanks for the tag, Disco!!! I think everyone I know has been tagged so if you follow me and HAVEN’T been tagged guess what? You’ve been tagged. Please @ me so I can read them ;; thank yoooooou. ALL Harringrove and we’ve got some fae, vampire, soulmates, enemies to lovers, modern au, angst/hurt/comfort, a s3 never happened to Billy fix it! Oh, and one crack. But I won’t tell you which.

[pabst-bravado]

This whole thing is inspired in a post created by: @fizzigigsimmer

Hello world, about the people (antis) who got zero critical thinking skills and have to be spoon feed bc 'the writers say so', I got something to say.

They actually can think, and that's surprising, their behavior looks like a toddler that was bad educated by their parents. But anyway, they can not just think, they actually can create a new whole story for someone with NOTHING AT ALL.

A trait in common with antis that say "billy bad deserved to die boohoo" is, they love Eddie. Not hate to Eddie, I like him too much for the exact same reason I like billy. But, there's three interesting things about antis that evolve Eddie, that are at least, corious:

1. They erase billy completely like he never existed BUT, they put his whole personality on Eddie 🤠🤡

2. They try REALLY HARD make steddie something real with a total of 0.1 proves

3. They assume stuff for no reason.

³. Well, Steve parents and all. Everyone assume that they are like super abusive, and even they are not showed, people hate them. And like op said, they never home and they could be neglecting Steve, is an kind of abuse, but also, they could be just parents of a teeneger who were (and maybe still being) spoiled his whole life. Steve was a bully preppy boy, is not a possibility he just treat his parents badly? And yeah he changed, but changes takes time and convince your parents that you changed also takes time. Idk man, I'm just trying to say, we don't know them. They were never shown or talked about enough to take notes in a such fixed way. Also, Billy, they assume things about billy, that just, is not there. "yeah he probably would be homophobic, he would bully Eddie, he would kill the kids, he would, and if, if, if..." they don't even try to prove their points, or when they dare to make their brain work, is just a poor explanation.

Like, you can see, especially here and on that shittiest app ever created (tikt0k) that people created a whole tragic lore to Eddie. Is not a surprise that writers like to write sad stuff about their fav characters, but is not a fanfic, is not a theory, they claim what they say like Canon. I swear, I saw someone on tiktok showing "proves" that Eddie was depressed and suicidal. Yk, I just-

². I don't dislike the steddie thing, I think Steve need to kiss at least one man till the end of the season, also, I think they could make them kinda romantic too, but they didn't, nothing happened. Even Joe keery was asked about it, and even he didn't think they could be this one true perfect pairing.

¹. Do I need to bring up the fanarts of Eddie like a mechanic? Like a car lover? Do I need to?

And about ignoring things and "I belive that bc the writers says so", we saw mostly of the parents of everyone. I think we can say that we don't like Lonnie and Brenner for the same reason: They abused their kids.

Guess who parent, especially a dad, antis pretend not to see and maybe even say that his was right for everything that he did?

Antis HATE more Steve parents that were never shown, than Neil, that were shown several times doing awful stuff with his ex wife and his kid.

Also, a warning for you dumbass who love El but don't like billy: If u say that u don't like billy bc he's violent, he don't communicate, or any kind of shit like that, you don't like eleven, bc they are basically the same.

I already say this once and I'm gonna say again: everyday I wake up, see billy hargrove situation, and I make this everyone's problem.

[hawkins-hero]

1, 4, 9 & 16? for stranger things (obvs)

Bless you, anon. I was hoping I'd get some asks from this one.

What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get? My two big ones are Harringrove & Mileven. Harringrove is just so fucking toxic imo and as someone who rps Steve, there's literally no world I can picture where he'd be interested in someone that threatened his kids and almost killed him. Like sorry, but that's a no. And Mileven is just... idk. I think they've run their course and they were cute for a minute, but El spent so long being unable to experience a real life, and I think she needs space to become a person in her own right. I'm biased as a Byler truther, but I also just really feel like El deserves a chance to grow and get to know herself without worrying about the expectations that come from being in a relationship. 4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?Thankfully they don't seem to be popular at all, but romantic Stobin is a giant NoTP for me. Like Robin literally, explicitly states that she's into girls and while she might not say the word 'lesbian', we all know exactly what her conversation with Steve in the Starcourt bathroom means. The fact that people are willing to bend that to fit their narrative and make Stobin romantic grosses me out to the core. They literally have the perfect relationship on the show, and there's no romance required for it to be the case. 9. Most disliked character(s)? Why? Billy Hargrove, hands down. I know he saved El & the rest of the kids in the end, but one good act doesn't absolve someone for all the other truly shitty things they've done in the past. Like I already mentioned, he nearly killed Steve... he was ready to do serious harm to Lucas, treated Max like absolute shit, and was generally just a racist fuck. Yes, I know his dad was the worst, but as someone who also had an abusive parent, it's not enough in my eyes to excuse everything that he did. 16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change? This one is so obvious, but I would absolutely not have killed Eddie. Not only is it a tired plot at this point since they introduce someone quirky and loveable every season and then promptly kill them off a few episodes later (fingers crossed that Robin has lesbian plot armor), but he was also just a great addition to the group of older teens. As someone who is stupidly partial to Steve, I absolutely loved that Eddie was so soft with him and never made him feel like he was an idiot or wasn't good enough. Dissertations have been written about how he was the first person who didn't immediately remind Steve that he used to be a terrible person, so I won't really ramble about that... I'll just reiterate that it's true. I also loved that he showed people it's okay to not always get it right the first time (or two) but that they shouldn't give up. He could have easily dropped out and tried to get his GED instead of suffering through school, but he didn't. He didn't think he was brave, but he was wrong because that was something that took a different kind of bravery than what people like Steve or Nancy show. (I would also make the show gayer. Canon Steddie, Ronance, and Byler please & thanks).

Please ask me other shit, y'all. I love doing these.

[v1ctimplagued]

The thought of a future was a unsteady, rocky thing Billy wasn't certain of. Granted, it probably all depended largely if those monsters were dead, dead or just buying their time somewhere while they figured out a new way to stir terror onto Hawkins. There was a lot of his fucking plate when he thought about it. It was a blessing and a curse to be hidden away in the hospital. He didn't have to quite face the real world but he sure did have a long ass time to ponder about it.

Going back to his father wasn't an option for Billy either. He would do just about anything else. He would figure it out. 'Cause he'd be damned if he survived the Mind Flayer only to be put back in the hellish environment of the Hargrove household. It might be extremely unwarranted but he wanted something a little better for himself.

He'd be able to confirm her thoughts if they were hive-mind again. Rather, he doesn't have a clue. He should have guessed she might be able to see him a bit more clearly now. That and he was transparent as fuck when it came to feeling like shit. Things had been bad before with his homelife and the lack of optimism that would ever change so the upside down had stole the last little flame that kept him pushin' so hard. Turns out Neil wasn't his biggest fucking nightmare anymore, just an echo of a past fear. And the overwhelming guilt that made him feel empty when he thought about all those who had died and somehow, of all fucking people, he hadn't. Seemed a bit backwards.

Extorting him for ice cream seemed to be the least of things she could request of him. For attacking her, for her parents, for everything. But if she was going to be the only ally and person in his corner Billy knew better than be ungrateful even if it didn't make and would never make sense in his head why she was there helping him, offering him company, and enduring him. "We'll have to see if I can upgrade from my pool job to afford your lifetime supply of ice cream. Don't tell me you eat that mint chocolate shit." His brow raises slightly in jest. He actually quite liked that flavor - finding comfort in the sweet treat his mom often gave him when she wanted to soothe over things when they got bad.

He stood again, wincing. Billy moved a little staggered forward. His body was tired and screamed for him to sit the fuck down but he shook it off, eyes focused. The sooner he got better, the sooner he'd feel more like himself and be able to figure out all the future questions. Body aching, his hand presses to his stomach, cursing under his breath.

Wasn't charity work? Who was she tryin' to fool? He was exactly that. Billy had been so bad, done so much shit, and being possessed had really put the most awful cherry on the cake. Her pity, her consideration of him, and all this shit- it made him feel sick to his stomach with the weight of how much he didn't deserve it. Yet, if he pushed her away... He wouldn't have anyone. He wasn't sure right now which would be harder to endure. "I don't remember." He says. Things had gotten fuzzy. Probably loss of blood, the crying and screams of kids around him, Billy being asked questions of what happened by nameless faces he couldn't respond to.. He had woken up in a hospital bed and recalled up until the point he had been pierced by that fucking thing. "Why?"

ㅤFor obvious personal reasons, Heather didn't know the full deal with Billy's dad since they'd been freed of the monsters, but she knew that the man had been removed from Billy's room and that he hadn't been back. Billy hadn't had much in the way of visitors outside of Heather herself - that she knew of, though she wouldn't have been surprised if his sister found a way to visit, even if it was tricky because of his dad. If she hadn't, Heather might make it happen, anyway. It made her wonder what was going to happen when Billy eventually got to go home. She was staying with her grandparents while she got her shit together and the government agents scrubbed her family's house to remove all traces of monsters and death, but the house would be hers when that was finished and she felt up to moving back into it. The idea of living there alone was terrifying, but she had the right to.

ㅤBilly didn't have that option because his dad and stepmom were safe from the monsters, but Heather had been in his head and he'd been in hers - she knew that he didn't want anything bad to happen to anyone, but she also knew that his father would have deserved it more than anyone else. She couldn't force him into anything because it was Billy and forcing didn't work with him, but going back home to his father wasn't an option to her.

ㅤShe'd just work a different angle, like she had with the physical therapy. She hadn't heard the nurses say jack shit about what Billy could accomplish in here today, but she knew he'd done three the day before and if he could manage four 'laps', he'd be glad for the progress. That, and progress meant eventual freedom from this shit, which was the goal, but also a return to the confidence that she was used to seeing from him. The look he gave her hit her square between the eyes, perhaps only because she had been in his head, so she had a better idea of what she was seeing. He felt like shit, but he also felt like shit about himself, and that wasn't something that was going to be helped by wallowing in the hospital.

ㅤ"Oh, don't worry, I'm keeping track of my hours. I expect to be paid in ice cream, so by the time you're done, it'll basically be a lifetime supply," she deadpanned, like she might actually be serious about it and who knew? She might extort him later for her depression ice cream, but mostly she didn't want him focusing on the idea of this being a 'charity' from her, because she didn't see it that way. "One more, and then done."

ㅤShe stood up alongside him, ready to spot him but not moving to support or look like she was too tensed to dive in - she gave no indication that she thought she'd have to, that she thought he couldn't make it. If he faltered, she was there, but she wasn't treating him like she thought he'd need it. She trusted him to have it. "You're not charity work, Billy, just so you know. Do you remember talking to the paramedics when they brought you in?"

[stranger-rants]

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) & What That Means for Billy

ACEs are something that I think Stranger Things fans have to understand if they’re going to talk about Billy Hargrove. I don’t care so much if people like him, but I do care when people make callous remarks about abuse survivors because of their reaction to him. Billy is not real, but I am. Many people including myself have similar experiences to Billy. So, I am going to explain what ACEs are as they pertain to Billy as well as why you need to stop saying some of the things you’re saying about him.

Before any of you comes at me with “You can understand him, but it doesn’t excuse x, y, or z…,” I need you to stop and think critically about whether or not you’re using that statement as an excuse for yourself to avoid any responsibility in examining the way you think about trauma and it’s survivors. I also need you to think about how your ideas re: justice disproportionately harm marginalized people because the rhetoric some of you use comes from a carceral, punitive mindset. It is not restorative and it does not reduce harm.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) is a term used to identify and quantify the impact of childhood trauma on people. Theoretically, the more ACEs a person has the more likely they are to face negative life outcomes. That includes chronic disease, sexual exploitation, STIs/STDs, anxiety and depression, substance abuse, poverty and homelessness, as well as early death. However, there are ways to mitigate the effects of ACEs through support systems and interventions.

ACEs are common. Most people have at least one ACE. There are some people who have a few ACEs. However, some people have a very high ACE score that puts them at a much higher risk for the above life outcomes. I have an ACE score around 8. That’s high. As a result, I have mental and physical health problems that need intervention in order for me to get better. As a child, I developed unhealthy coping skills while surviving abuse that made it difficult for me to access the supports I needed to get better.

What I would like people to understand is that the way we treat people with high ACEs impacts their ability to change. If you want someone like Billy to change, then you have to have empathy for abuse survivors. There is no way around it. If you mock or make light of the negative life outcomes he has experienced because you just don’t like him, that means you do not have empathy for abuse survivors. It does not matter if you think doing so protects the people he has harmed (e.g. Max, Lucas, Steve, et cetera). It is still harmful to us.

Now, if you have read all of that and you’re willing to listen then I’m going to talk about Billy’s ACE score down below. I will talk very openly about canon child abuse he faced as well as the implications of his behavior. I will also talk a little bit about what kind of supports a person like Billy would need. If you are not going to respect any of that, then simply do not engage with me. I cannot force you to lift your head out of the sand, and I do not deserve anyone’s vitriol over this. I think I am being very reasonable.

I am going to base Billy’s ACE score off of this questionnaire. It was featured on NPR, and it’s based on the questionnaire used on the CDC-Kaiser Study on ACEs. There are 10 questions. Any ACE score deserves intervention, but keep in mind that an ACE score over 5 is very high. Here are the questions with responses pertaining to Billy’s canon experiences:

1) Before your 18th birthday, did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? Or act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?

Billy’s father does swear at him. He insults his appearance. He calls his son a p***y and a f****t. He does this in front of other people. Billy freezes up when threatened by him and acts in ways to avoid being hurt by him. ACE score so far: 1.

2) Before your 18th birthday, did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…push, grab, slap, or throw something at you?Or ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?

Billy’s father does smack him. He’s pushed him. He’s thrown him to the ground. ACE score so far: 2.

3) Before your 18th birthday, did an adult or person at least five years older than you ever…touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? Or attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?

This may be controversial, but I think this may be implied. It’s already been discussed that Billy is hyper sexual. This is not typical or healthy behavior, and behavior like this usually indicates a history of sexual abuse. However, we just don’t know 100% other than the fact that adult women have exhibited predatory behavior towards him even before turning 18. ACE score so far: 2 or 3.

4) Before your eighteenth birthday, did you often or very often feel that… no one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? Or your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?

This is obvious, as it serves as one of Billy’s major conflicts. The last time he felt happy was when he was a young child. His parents fought all the time. His father never supported him. Susan ignores the fact that Neil abuses him. No one showed any interest in his well-being. ACE score so far: 3 or 4.

5) Before your 18th birthday, did you often or very often feel that… you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? Or your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?

It’s not clear how well Billy’s material needs are met, but there was absolutely no one protecting him in his household. His room, though decorated, is still pretty bare compared to his sister. Billy is fairly independent because no one really takes care of him. ACE score so far: 4 or 5.

6) Before your 18th birthday, was a biological parent ever lost to you through divorce, abandonment, or other reason?

Yes. His parents not only separated/divorced, but his mother abandoned him. He had no choice but to live with his abuser. ACE score so far: 5 or 6.

7) Before your 18th birthday, was your mother or stepmother: often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? Or sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? Or ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?

Yes. His mother was abused by his father as well, which may have been the motivation behind her leaving. Billy tried to intervene as a child, but his father pushed him down. ACE score so far: 6 or 7.

8) Before your 18th birthday, did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs?

Again, this is tricky. Billy is a substance abuser. It is likely that his father is a substance abuser as well, but we just don’t know enough. ACE score so far: 6-8.

9) Before your 18th birthday, was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?

This is also tricky. Billy exhibits symptoms of mental illness. I know Dacre mentioned Billy having anxiety recently. It would not surprise me if his mother or father exhibited symptoms of mental illness, too. ACE score so far: 6-9.

10) Before your 18th birthday, did a household member go to prison?

We also don’t know much about this. I believe in Runaway Max, Billy himself has had run-ins with cops. He certainly participates in illegal behavior. I don’t get the feeling that his father actively likes to break the law and I don’t think there’s ever any indication that Neil has been arrested for abusing Billy. Still, it is a possibility that Billy has negative experiences with the legal system. ACE score so far: 6-10.

So, all in all, we know for a fact that Billy has at least an ACE score of 6 with a maximum of 10. What does that mean for him? It is very likely for someone like Billy to develop Complex PTSD as a result. CPTSD usually stems from prolonged trauma rather than a single event. CPTSD makes it difficult for people to form healthy attachments and regulate their emotions. Not only that, but having an ACE score this high is associated with risky behavior, hyper sexuality, and substance abuse.

From the CDC-Kaiser Study, here is a graphic representation of common outcomes experienced by people with high ACEs:

We know Billy dies by supernatural forces, but it is no coincidence that he died young as an abuse survivor with a high ACE score. His inability to form healthy attachments and regulate his emotions isolated him from the support systems that could have helped him. Will didn’t ultimately succumb to the Mindflayer because he had a family who loved him and fought for him. Still, it says a lot that he decided to sacrifice himself after a single person decided to reach out to him and help him even just a little bit through his trauma.

I know many people still want him to make amends for his wrongs, but at that point in his life it was very difficult for him to do so. You have to understand that ACEs are an injury, and if you do not let them heal then a person can never get better. What happens when you say or suggest that someone like him can’t change or doesn’t deserve change or deserved to die like that or the like is you trap abuse survivors in this cycle until they no longer survive.

It is a good thing that people have decided to step outside of that punitive, carceral, ‘revenge’ mindset to humanize an abuse survivor. In doing so they are not “making excuses” but rather recognizing that change and healing cannot take place when we think like that. It is not justice. It does not restore justice to victims of violence. It does not stop the perpetuation of violence. Furthermore, using guilt and shame as a motivator for change does not help people like Billy heal from their trauma because it does not recognize their trauma.

If you still do not like Billy after all of this, I do not care. My goal is not to change minds on that front.

If after this you still think it’s okay to mock the abuse he went through (ie. Joking about his death, joking or justifying his father abusing him, and/or saying he deserved any of it) then YOU are the problem! You have no right to be sanctimonious, because YOUR behavior is as systematically harmful as Billy’s own prejudices and as much as some of you like to parrot that he’s “racist and homophobic” you should know that your mindset disproportionately punishes people marginalized on the basis of race or sexuality.

So please, learn what ACEs are and take them seriously. Do your research on ways to prevent ACEs. Think critically about how people talk about abuse survivors no matter how good or bad they seem. Barring trauma from the supernatural, Billy has one of the highest ACE scores out of any of the characters on the show. The fact that he receives some of the most heinous “criticisms” and there is a complete unwillingness to understand him reflects what people with high ACEs face on a regular basis.

That is a problem you CHOOSE to be complicit in.

[sheepcalledbas]

Ok so I wrote something that's too short to go on Ao3 so I'm putting it here. It's not Byler but it's Max Mayfield getting the real big brother she deserves in Steve Harrington with a sliver of Lumax. Hope y'all enjoy!!

"My what?"

It's a testament to how far downhill his life has gone in the last few weeks that Steve Harrington doesn't even question the presence of Max Mayfield sitting on the front of his car as he exits Melvalds. She lazes easily over the hood, her trademark skateboard trapped under her scuffed shoes and she scowls at him as if *he's* the weird one. He doesn't even blink.

After nearly dying underground nearly two months back, Steve has spent more time with the band of brats known previously as his (ex) girlfriend's little brother's friends than his own parents. But that's really not saying something. Dustin Henderson, who'd stuck to Steve from day one like an overaffectionate leech, fondly claimed it was a mutual adoption while Steve privately thought of it as voluntary kidnapping.

So Steve isn't startled by Mayfield's overall appearance as he is by the fact that she's alone. And apparently in need of borrowing his kitchen.

"Why?"

Mayfield glares at him with a level of disdain that only thirteen year olds can manage. It nearly chills Steve to his bones but stops somewhere around his muscles instead.

"You don't need to know," she snipes.

God, Steve would like to think that he wasn't nearly this bad as a thirteen year old but he had been a foot shorter than he was currently and had an ego twice the size of his hair. Yeah, he was probably worse. He doesn't say any of this to Mayfield but rather raises an eyebrow and snorts, "It's my house, of course I need to know."

She's silent for a moment before she ducks her head and mumbles something so quietly Steve could mistake it for the wind.

"Excuse me?"

"I said it's for a date with Lucas," she repeats, cheeks burning redder than her hair. "I need a kitchen because he likes to bake and I can't use my own for obvious reasons and I don't want to use his because I want to do something for him for once and Dustin said your parents are never home so you were the solution."

She speaks like somebody's going to cut her head off if she doesn't finish within thirty seconds and Steve is left reeling, his brain slowly absorbing the words she's said.

He's silent for too long though because Mayfield immediately begins backpedalling as her walls rocket up.

"Never mind, it's a stupid idea. I'll just take him skateboarding like I usually do. It's fine." She hops off his car and swivels her board upright.

"Hey, hey, hey."

Steve scrambles to stop her, gently pulling on her sweater before she's halfway down the street.

"Of course you can use my kitchen," he says before he can really think about it. "What are you guys baking?"

"Brownies," she mutters, a smile creeping back onto her face like a frightened animal. "They're his favourite."

Her hesitancy makes Steve's heart ache. Not for the first time and not even for the hundredth this year, Steve hates Billy Hargrove.

"Well then, it's a good thing you're using my kitchen. Best damn one in the country!"

She raises her eyebrow and Steve knows snarky, fiery Max Mayfield is back. He grins back at her.

"Do you have all the ingredients?"

She suddenly looks shifty and the little voice at the back of Steve's head that makes most of his bad decisions raises it's head.

"About that... can I borrow your wallet too?"

Steve stares at Mayfield, a tiny firecracker in both appearance and personality, with her taped up board and freckled face and he sighs. Maybe the bad decisions were the best ones long term.

"You're twisting my arm here, Mayfield, you know that?" he says as he pulls out a crisp ten from his pocket and makes his way to the driving seat. "Well? Aren't you coming? The grocery store is on the other side of town and we're losing daylight!"

Mayfield blinks and then she's smiling too and shoving her skateboard into his trunk and Steve feels a bit better about the whole kidnapping thing.

[foxwritesstuffsometimes]

In defence of Billy Hargrove (part two: affects of abuse)

Billy Hargrove was not the best of people. Despite what antis may suggest, the majority of us can acknowledge that, I’m not going to sit here and fully defend his actions, because many of the things he did were pretty reprehensible, but I’d like to go further into the affects of his upbringing and it’s possible affects on his behaviour. And most of all, despite his actions, I still hold firmly onto the belief, that he deserved a second chance.

Billy Hargrove lived a pretty shitty life. His father was an awful person who abused him, and the mother that was present in his life (his step mother Susan) stood by and watched this abuse happen with little intervention. To grow up without parental love is extremely damaging, from a psychological point of view, we all need a certain amount of nurture to grow up, to grow into ourselves, and to grow up without that may sometimes lead to little to no self esteem. This is what I believe resulted in some of Billy’s behaviour.

Throughout the shows runtime Billy is portrayed as arrogant, confidant, flirty and brash, with little to no cracks in the mask, however the little slip ups we see in his behaviour are very telling towards his real mindset. People who are miserable often put up facades to distract the world of how they really feel, and oftentimes to distract themselves as well. I believe Billy Hargrove was no different. He grew up beaten and bruised by his father, with no real mother to rely on, learned through experience that any show of real emotion could land him a beating, so hardened himself and created a new exterior within himself to protect himself from showing any weakness.

A couple times we really see him break, both in season three are the scene where he is trapped in the sauna by the main crew, and towards the end when he sacrifices himself to save them. The first scene in the sauna, we see him distraught, trying desperately to convince max that the killings he committed under the mindflayers influence weren’t his fault, miserable, and broken, far from the character that we witnessed prior. And the second, his final scene, he is finally shown comfort by someone, eleven, and sacrifices himself to save his sister and her friends. I for one, hate the majorities of this trope of redemption, but somehow I believe this one was a lot deeper than meets the eye. Billy Hargrove, I believe, hated himself. He was a miserable person who likely believed he was just as much of a monster as his father, so it’s telling that in his final moments, the first time we really see him being shown comfort within the show, he chooses to sacrifice himself to save the girl who showed it to him. However despite this I cannot fully agree with Billy’s passing, as I believe the notion that abuse victims can only find solace through their deaths as a pretty disgusting take.

Trauma is an extremely heavy load to carry. It can lead to feelings of misery, loneliness, anger, and hatred towards yourself and the world in general. Billy’s behaviour in my mind, seemed to wildly stem from this. He treated max poorly because he never really learned to treat her with care, something he himself hadn’t felt since his biological mother was around and he lashed out at the people he wanted to be close to (Steve Harrington in particular), because he didn’t know how else to get their attention. In my mind, Billy Hargrove was an extremely damaged and sad individual, and truly the fact that most other people can’t really see past someone’s anger to the underlying pain within is pretty upsetting to me.

Sibling relationships are complicated, I would know as I have three younger sisters. In the past I was pretty horrible to them myself. Taking out your pain on the people who you are close to isn’t as uncommon as you’d think, especially if seemingly they don’t see how much your hurting. Max and Susan became a part of Billy’s life after Neil Hargrove remarried. In my mind I believe there was a high likelihood that Billy had begun to get abused long before Susan and max joined the family, so it is likely the anger and resentment he had been feeling had already begun boiling over. Billy was already hurt and miserable, and I can only imagine how much more hurt he would feel seeing how max and Susan were treated in contrast to himself. Neither were beaten as far as we know, Neil was never shown to be violent to either, so seeing this I can imagine Billy only became worse off, more miserable and angry that ever before.

Billy was never really able to show any signs of redemption throughout season two, but we see a couple glimmers of hope in season three where him and max have appeared to grow closer. Max was the only one who seemed unable to accept Billy being possessed by the mindflayer, she seemed miserable, worried, and most of all I’m a state of pretty heavy denial, and I believe despite how poorly they seemed to get on, they both still cared about each other deep down. I’m unsure if max was aware of Neil’s mistreatment towards Billy, but when season four hit and she seemed in such a heavy state of grieving for him, I found myself really wishing that they’d had a chance to be close one day.

I will not sit and excuse Billy’s behaviour, like I said before, he did some pretty shitty things. But I think seeing through the complexities of a persons actions can lead to a much healthier mindset. Billy was never able to break away from his abuse. He was never able to get better, never able to get therapy and never able to build a healthier relationship with his sister. If it were up to me he would’ve been redeemed in a much healthier and more complex way. If it were up to me, his character would be written in a show with much better writers who cared enough to handle his character with the care it deserved. Despite his actions, I still love Billy’s character. It’s not often we see a character like him that’s deeper than meets the eye, and god it’s been nice being able to really connect to a character in the way I have to him. It’s not often that abuse/trauma victims are given a character to represent how we feel. And that’s why it’s so saddening that he was handled so poorly, people like us, we need hope, and if we’re treated like monsters, as was the case for Billy, things will only get worse.

(Let me know if I missed anything, been a while since I watched season 2+3, final part will be out tomorrow)

[creaturecosmo]

I Deserve To Live!

[tags:] heavy angst , hurt/no comfort , implied harringrove , implied parental abuse with Steve , Billy Has Powers

A/N: I have no excuses, I just feel like tormenting my boys right now <3

After surviving Starcourt, Billy has been infused with powers similar to El's and is able to walk around in people's heads.

When Steve starts acting a little too weird for everyone's liking after everything with Vecna has been resolved and he was attacked by the monsters in the Upside Down, Hopper makes a call for Billy to rummage around in his mind to make sure things aren't compromised like they were with Will.

When Billy gets tossed in, he's lost in a maze of memories and thoughts and feelings.

He sees memories from as early as toddler years and as late as yesterday. He sees old thought processes and new ones. He sees happiness and sadness and anger and fear and loneliness. So much loneliness.

Once he's done doing a sweep to confirm there's no lurking Vecna creepiness, he's heading for the exit and he runs into a particularly unsettling scene.

19-year-old Steve and 7-year-old Steve are separated by a door. While the kid is alone, facing the door, adult Steve is facing another Billy. Mind-Billy is frozen, fuzzy around the edges. He flickers and Real-Billy watches him switch out for various other people. He catches Jonathan, Nancy, and Robin among the group.

Real-Billy recognizes the moment portrayed with Mind-Billy. It's the day he reached out after a particularly bad episode, offered Steve comfort and understanding, asked to be let in for just a moment to help.

While Mind-Billy is frozen, the two Steves are moving.

The child pounds on the door, sobbing and shouting.

"Please! Please, let him in! Let him help! You're not bad, you're not. You're good, you have to be. You're pretty and smart and they're wrong. Daddy is wrong! Mommy is wrong! I'm good, I'm good, I'm good."

The mantra repeats. The kid screams and begs for release, for comfort.

Adult Steve sighs, a tear rolling down his cheek as he shakes his head, letting it thunk against the door he leans on.

"It's for the best. I'm rotten. They're dangerous. It's for the best. It's for the best. I'm sorry."

With the broken apology and a deep breath, Steve pushes off the door and the scene dissipates in a cloud of smoke. The child's wail echoes, laced with Steve's harsh words from that day.

"I deserve to live!"

"Like I would ever fall for your bullshit lies, Hargrove."

Billy comes back to the real world with a gasp and a sob.

End.