#bill cipher is a JERK

[the-barefoot-hatter]

with eyes closed tight, I swing with all my might- and all that I'm punchin' is air

Relationship: Bill Cipher & Mabel Pines

Characters: Bill Cipher, Mabel Pines

Additional Tags: Bill Cipher and Mabel Pines Friendship, Supportive Mabel Pines, Mabel Pines is Trying, Mabel is very kind, but also the girl that couldn't stop talking about kickboxing to a merman, Blind Bill Cipher, Bill Cipher is Bad at Feelings, Bill is not immune to the power of Mabel, Post-Theraprism Bill Cipher, Handyman Bill Cipher, mabel's lingering weirdmageddon guilt, Bill Cipher Needs a Hug, Mabel Pines is the best at hugs, Bill is one angry boi, Bill Cipher is a Jerk, everyone's a bit on edge, not an apology apology

Summary: It's hard settling into Mystery Shack for Bill. Good thing Mabel is there!

AKA Bill doesn't see Mabel's vision. And he doesn't need her weird, confusing sympathy!!! ...he might, though, accept a deal. (Handyman AU with a blind twist)

[tinfoil-jones]

Somewhere out there in the multiverse there exists a Jerk Ford

Not an evil Ford, he's just a massive jerk. To everyone, except (ironically) his own version of Stan.

People didn't exclude him while he was growing up because of his six fingers, but because he was an absolute dick all of the time.

The only reason their high school wanted Ford to go to that fancy college was to send him away, and make it way less likely he would ever come back to Jersey.

Stan still breaks his Perpetual Motion Machine, but this version of Ford chooses to believe him when he says it was an accident, and stands up for him when Filbrick tries to kick Stan out.

He still goes to Backupsmore, this time with Stan (who graduated) in tow, and the only reason he and Fiddleford are 'friends' is because Ford still mathematically proved Fiddlefords theory on the Universe being a Hologram, but he rubs it in Fiddlefords face for not proving it on his own.

Backupsmore University only gives Ford the research grant in hope he'll leave and never come back.

The only reason he takes a deal with Bill is because he's going to build that portal, only to never activate it as a 'SIKE!' on Bill. He doesn't even care he's creating something that would revolutionize science as they know it, he just wants to troll a 'God'.

Stan has to convince (i.e actually beg) Fiddleford to help Ford.

Fiddleford doesn't even accidentally get his head sucked into the portal this time, he leaves because he could only stand Ford for so long before being done (he kept peeling the stickers off the Cubiks Cubes and putting them on different squares so Fiddleford couldn't solve them).

This time Ford goes through the portal, and it breaks, because he accidentally fell asleep in the portal room and got possessed by Bill who tried opening the portal, but Stan had to fight him to stop him, only to accidentally shove Bill!Ford into the portal.

Since Stan and Ford were known to be two separate people the whole time, and Stan just reported Ford as 'Missing' and he never took his identity, the townsfolk assumed he'd actually murdered Ford, but they never question it because they're just so glad that he's gone.

They had a celebration and everything. Stan was the only one in town who didn't go.

Jerk Ford goes out into the multiverse and every single other Ford, even the evil ones, absolutely hate this guy because no one can push their buttons better than, well, themself. He's not even a wanted criminal, because none of the dimensions want him there, they want him to be another dimensions problem.

There's a Ford Hate Club that isn't for hating on all Fords, just this one. Most of it is made up of other Fords.

Canon Ford hates him for being a massive jerk, only for Jerk Ford to tell him that biggest difference between them really is that he chooses to not be a jerk to the one person who matters most to them (i.e their twin brother Stan). The one Ford who appreciates his Stan and it's the Biggest Jerk ever.

Jerk Ford is still a jerk to alternate versions of Stanley, too. It's literally just his own that he's not a jerk to.

Thirty years later when Stan fixes the portal and brings him back, everyone else in Gravity Falls is immediately mad at him for bringing him back, including Dipper and Mabel who dislike him as soon as the glamour of a 'cool space Grunkle' wears off. Although, Dipper already disliked Ford before he even met him because his research journals give advice on cryptids that seems helpful, but is actually the opposite. (Like saying people should definitely and exclusively use water on Gremloblins).

The only reason Dipper wanted to find The Author in this dimension is that he wants to punch him in the face for his trolling.

So when Ford comes out of the portal he doesn't try to punch Stan, in fact he goes in for a hug, only for Dipper to punch him instead as soon as he heard 'The Author of the Journals'.

Stan tries to convince Ford to be nice to Mabel and Dipper; Ford isn't necessarily nice to them, but he isn't as big of a jerk as he could have been, which is a lot for him. So he doesn't purposely tangle all of Mabels yarn, or kill off Dippers character in Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons.

Weirdmageddon still happens, but this time it's Dipper who destroys the snowglobe with the rift because he never wanted to be Fords apprentice, so he never knew what the rift was. He ended up breaking it on purpose because he got so sick of Fords shit that he wanted to break something Ford liked.

The reason they couldn't get the zodiac circle together during Weirdmageddon isn't because of Stan and Ford fighting, but because Ford couldn't stop being a jerk for two seconds and Robbie let go of his hand.

Weirdmageddon ends the same as it did in canon, with Stan sacrificing himself because of Fords metal plate, except this time Mabel and Dipper are even more frantic to bring their Grunkle Stan back, because they don't want him to be a blank slate that their Grunkle Ford would influence and possibly turn into another jerk (Which is something Jerk Ford actually wouldn't do, because he loves his brother for who he is).

Old Man McGucket himself personally funds The Stan O'War II expedition (not just the boat itself but stuff like the passports, paperwork, living expenses, ect.) just to keep Ford on the ocean, as far away from other people as possible.

And this is a sane Steve Jobs -esque Old Man McGucket who was never traumatized by the nightmare realm because of Ford. That's how much of a jerk this Ford is.

Follow Up

[heshmmity]

fun fact!! i have a bill plushie and when i draw i lean on it. and this poor dude witnessed all sorts of horrors.

[charleymarlowe]

[clarisimart]

“Don’t think about it. Don’t fall asleep. Don’t look. Not yet.”

In other words, if you haven't read @tempusedax-rerum amazing's fic "Then it becomes, it becomes, it becomes a problem" this is your sign to go do it now

If you like what I do, here’s my ko-fi and my commission info

Closeups under cut

[doctorsiren]

Matrixie is so cute omg

How would ford and Bill raise her? Could you do Maybe a family photo drawing or something?

is this my life now?

[kalechip247]

i often think about bill possessing ford’s body. specially about those polaroid bill took 😭

[cupiowaffles]

[vi3w-monst3rr]

She’s got the touch of an anesthesiologist, please put me under

[orangeoctopi7]

With Great Power Comes Yada Yada Yada - Chapter 21 - OrangeOctopi7 - Gravity Falls [Archive of Our Own]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17607854/chapters/167340655

Chapter summary: Save Ford, or save the world? Stan and McGucket are both on a mission, but they've got different ideas on what that mission should be and how to do it .

Meanwhile, Ford struggles against Bill from the inside.

It's finally FINISHED!! This is the last chapter of my SpiderStan AU that I started all the way back in 2019!

[tinfoil-jones]

Jerk Ford AU: About

[Art by: @tearosepedall]

[Jerk Ford Not a jerk to his brother and only his brother The most hated Ford in the Multiverse]

[Doesn't need as much protecting Teen Jerk Ford: F#ck off Teen Stan: Ford! Don't do that!]

[Stan is a well liked guy Stan never ended up homeless, because Ford believed him]

Ford was the worst type of student because he's really good at everything that he does, just like any other version of himself. Like, the teachers were mad he was their best (academically speaking) student.

They'd prefer it if he was a delinquent who never did his homework and showed up late to class. But no, he not only did all of his assignments, but he also did extra credit that he didn't need, and showed up early to everything. Just like all of the other Fords.

He was the Chess, Spelling Bee, and Debate Team champion all four years he was in high school. He could have skipped several grades and only didn't because ya know, twin. And this continued while he was in college and got his 12 PHDs.

Stanley was his only supporter in all of that because everyone wanted him to fail. Some people (like their parents) even tried to pressure Stan into also hating his brother but one of the Universal Constants is that you can't make Stan hate his brother. People didn’t even bring up the fact that Stanley wasn’t the genius twin, people called him the ‘good twin’ because he wasn’t a jerk.

Stanley is just a regular guy in this AU. He was never a criminal or con artist. He went to Backupsmore University with Stanford and Fiddleford (Fiddleford would sometimes use Stan to pass messages along to Ford, because he did not want to talk to Ford if he didn't have to). He's a Chemistry Teacher who also helps out with Theatre.

[Bill: You tricked me!!! Jerk Ford: Skill Issue]

[Jerk Ford, to all other AU Fords: Wait! You all actually fell for that triangles flattery?! LOL]

He knew Bill Cipher was just f***ing with him with all of that talk of "I'm a muse" and "You're more special than everybody" (he already knew that he doesn't need a triangle to validate that). Ford just wanted to flip the script on him in the end in the most elaborate 1980s version of Jackass you've ever seen.

All of the other Fords hate him so much not just because he's a jerk (that's the majority of the reason though), but because of how weirdly competent and self-actualized he is comparatively speaking.

He didn't fall for Bill tricks. He's so sure of himself that he doesn't have the same hero (or villain, depending on the AU) complex. He doesn't want to take over the universe, or be the savior of it, or even be the one who kills Bill Cipher. He's just a jerk to everybody (except Stan) because he likes being a jerk.

Jerk Ford is one of the few Fords who maxed out his Charisma. He just uses that charisma to make people hate him instead of like him

Because charisma isn't just 'likability', it's your Presence and Force of Personality. His presence is so strong all he has to do is walk into a room, and you know he's an a**hole.

If you were to sum up what Jerk Ford is like around other Fords, it's like this:

"Every Stanford Pines in the multiverse reviles and despises that man."

Jerk Ford: You all want to be me so bad.

"NO WE DON'T YOU A**HOLE"

[Mabel: He's not actually THAT big of a jerk right?" Dipper: *wants to strangle him* Jerk Ford: Stanley who are these twerps?]

[Stan: Oh! They are family poindexter, Shermies grandkids! Jerk Ford: I see *doesn't care*]

If I were to give Jerk Ford a unique design to set him apart from Fords of other AUs, his turtleneck and muddied boots are swapped with these:

The hoodie is the usual red colour, the font is probably the same gold colour as his zodiac symbol. The puffed croc boots are also probably the same colour as canon Fords.

He doesn't have any embarrassing tattoos because the tattoo artists of Gravity Falls would never service Ford. Because he's not just banned from every establishment in Gravity Falls, but if he enters any business you are legally allowed to and encouraged to shoot him.

In fact Bill gave up possessing Ford to ruin his reputation with the townsfolk early on because nothing he did was worse than anything Ford did by himself.

You know how Ford drew himself coming out of the portal with aura in Journal Three?

Most of the other Fords try to look cool, and you just have this dude over here who doesn't give a s*** because he already believed his own hype. He doesn't feel the need to be ✨Extra✨ unless if he's being mean or generally unpleasant to somebody.

[Previous]

[spirited-splashes]

You believe me, like a god

I betray you, like a man

- Mitski, I’m Your Man

Inspired by this person’s amazing video on YouTube!:

[probablyok1]

Mr. Billy Cipher and the press conference rag! Notice how his mouth never moves! Almost.

Apologies for the terrible quality. A non-text version under the cut!

[im-not-buying-it-ether]

Bill finishes the Theraprisim and gets reborn as a fucked up kitten that ends up sopping wet from the rain and missing an eye (for the obvious reasons of making him look like himself and also, strays have it hard) on the Mystery Shacks porch one summer where Mabel scoops him up and declares him her new best friend, Waddles’ new baby brother, and Mr. Bumbernsazzle

One vet visit and bath later the Mystery Shack has a new cat with yellowish-orange fur and one eye that always scratches at Dipper and gives him cats scratch fevers when he’s not walking under Fords every step or loafing on the journals

[thefallenangel2008]

*giving my period cramps to Bill Cipher through telepathy*

[euclidean-geometry-supremacy]

You say that the only good Bill is a dead Bill, but what about a Bill in perpetual torment, trapped in a single point, unable to spread his lies and manipulation, forced to only observe forever?

HMMM... THERE ARE ONLY TWO GOOD BILLS! A DEAD BILL AND THE BILL MENTIONED ABOVE!