#biggest motivator in his life is proving himself to his family

[a-dip-in-the-source]

Ronodin and codependency issues hit post

[honk-illumimimimimimimi]

i firmly believe that illumi is not deserving of a redemption: not only because what hes done thus far is beyond redemption, but i also believe it would not make sense for his character.

i also feel as though it wouldnt make sense for killuas character either. killuas whole journey throughout the story is centered around self worth, and to have him outright forgive illumi, one of if not the biggest motivator as to why said worth was absent to begin with, would flush all of killuas personal growth down the drain.

yes illumi was most likely abused himself if not more than his siblings, but abuse is abuse. he had the choice of breaking the cycle but chose not to. killua did. i feel that redeeming illumi would be a huge punch in the face to actual abuse victims, and i dont think a message like that would be good to portray.

just like how i think silva and kikyo shouldnt be redeemed either, considering that theyre most likely the main driving forces as to why the family dynamics are so fucked up. and even if in his eyes, why illumi does the things he does isnt classified as abuse but more so benefiting the family and kil, its still abuse at the end of the day, and this only further proves how warped his perspective and perception of how and why he does what he does and has done is. the dude’s too far gone.

instead i think they should expand more into not only his backstory but his emotions and outlook on the world, such as his relationships with his family, most predominantly killua, and even with hisoka. for example, (minor bojack horseman spoiler up ahead) the way bjhm treated beatrice and her backstory: they portrayed it in such a way where they werent excusing her actions, but as a way of explaining why she was the way she was and how she became the person that she was, while also sharing a tender moment between her and bojack before she passed (which is in reference to the nursing home btw not the icu LOL).

i feel like if we were to get an illumi arc (togashi i am on my knees) they should go down that route instead of a full blown redemption. because not only does illumi not deserve that, killua doesnt either. he does not need someone like that in his life whether illu has changed or not. because the damage has already been done.

[jrow]

May Prompts (12)

Day 11 here. Day 13 here.

Family

It’s funny the degree to which having a real family shifted his priorities.

Maybe not funny, but surprising. At least to him.

His entire life, family had felt like an obligation more than anything else. His mother meant well, but she didn’t really know how to parent. His dad was a drunk arsehole. And the least said about Harry the better.

No wonder he’d ended up fighting in a war across the world.

Obligation was exactly how Mary had felt at the end. But despite his spiral after her death (and the resulting piss poor parenting that took all the worst elements from his own parents style), his love for Rosie had been fierce and unwavering. She hadn’t been an obligation, but a gift he didn’t deserve. She got him through.

Well, her and Sherlock. Once John finally let himself acknowledge that Sherlock had become like family himself, things slowly got easier. John was happier. Suddenly, family was love.

But, that can complicate things at times. Balancing the wants and needs of the two members of his family against each other and his own.

Sherlock has been here with him at the hospital all day. After Sherlock first arrived this morning, they spent about a half hour talking about what happened. The thief, the chase, John’s fall. Not surprising, really, given their choice of profession. Although perhaps a bit of a wake up call. John isn’t as young as he used to be, and now he has a child to consider.

John had also hoped to talk about the intruder and see if Sherlock had any theories. He promptly fell asleep instead. And slept for over six hours. Understandable maybe, but embarrassing all the same.

Sherlock was still there when he woke up. John is fairly certain the man never left his bedside. And for twenty minutes, they have been discussing the intruder—the evidence gathered so far (limited, much to Sherlock’s hilarious annoyance) and theories on motives. It’s wonderful and John hates to cut it short, but he knows he must.

Molly would likely agree to pick up Rosie from nursery. Mrs. Hudson too. But they’ve never done it before and, under the circumstances, that will scare Rosie. Right now her comfort takes precedence over John’s and Sherlock’s wants and needs.

Sherlock is currently ranting about security measures in the hospital. To be honest, John stopped paying attention to the details a couple minutes ago. He opens his mouth to interrupt, but is beaten to the punch when Sherlock stops abruptly and stands up.

“Sorry, John. I need to head to the nursery now. If I pick up Rosie a bit early, there will be time for a short visit here for. The timing will be perfect for her tea.” He puts on his coat. “The cafeteria has cut fruit, goldfish, yogurt, and some rather boring pasta dishes that she’ll probably like. It should be sufficient.”

John finds himself smiling broadly. “You are going to get Rosie.”

Sherlock rolls his eyes and the sight warms John’s insides. “Of course, I am getting Rosie. This will be a very stressful time for little Watson. After our visit here, I will take her home and put her to bed. Molly has agreed to spend the night at your house again so I can leave.”

“Oh yes, of course,” John says. “You’ll be wanting to get back to Baker street.”

Sherlock looks at John like he’s the biggest idiot in the world. It’s ridiculous how much John loves that look. “I’m coming back here, John. Why would I go to Baker Street?” He shakes his head and makes his way to the door. “Do sleep now, so we can continue working tonight. Gerald has managed to finagle his way on to the case, so the Yard may actually prove helpful. He will be coming by at 9 to go over what little evidence they have.” He pauses. “Don’t tell Gerald I said he might be useful.”

John chuckles. “I believe visiting hours end at 8.”

“That doesn’t apply to you,” Sherlock says with a dismissive wave. John doesn’t doubt it.

And with that, Sherlock is gone. But, soon to return with Rosie in tow. John smiles to himself. This family thing is pretty great. He doesn’t deserve her. Doesn’t deserve them.

Despite his injuries, he’s one lucky bastard.

@keirgreeneyes @raina-at @totallysilvergirl @meetinginsamarra @jolieblack @phoenix27884 @friday411 @calaisreno @quimerasyutopias @lisbeth-kk @safedistancefrombeingsmart @momma2boys @helloliriels

[a34trgv2]

Top 10 Worst Cartoon Villains

#10. The Beast (Over The Garden Wall): A series full of so much potential, Over The Garden Wall's biggest disappointment besides the world building and characters is its villain. The Beast is built up as this dark, evil spirit, when in reality he's just all bark and no bite. Whenever he's on screen, he comes off like a lesser version of the Lich from Adventure Time with lackluster abilities, a weak motivation and is defeated rather anticlimactically.

#9. Harold Smith (The Powerpuff Girls): The Powerpuff Girls has a bunch of memorable and iconic villains in their rogues gallery. Harold Smith, as well as his wife and kids, is NOT one of them. In addition to a petty motivation, he isn't at all threatening, his costume looks like it was thrown together at the last minute, and he doesn't even succeed in his plan. The only reason why the girls didn't just beat the tar out of him is because his wife wanted a perfect dinner. And no, the sequel episode that involves his family isn't much better.

#8. Hervnick Z. Snerz (Green Eggs and Ham): While Green Eggs and Ham makes for a good show for the most part, the one major critique I have is that the main villain is nothing but a pompous brat. Snerz is egotistical, whiney, lazy, and selfish, but above all that, he's just not funny or interesting. Not onces throughout the entire show does he become a villain we love to hate, but rather an annoying detour from the main plot. His backstory does nothing to make him sympathetic or interesting as it just further proves how selfish and nasty he is.

#7. Griselle Grande (Polly Pocket): This creepy old broad wants the power of Polly's locket, but what she really needs is to get a life. She's an incompetent, egotistical, and creepy woman who can't come up with the most basic of plans to get a stinking locket. Not once does Griselle's efforts get a laugh and the fact that her granddaughter, Gwen, even helps her despite being dumber than a sack of peanuts is actually pathetic.

#6. Lee, Marie, and May Kanker (Ed, Edd, n Eddy): It's no secret that the Kankers bring Ed, Edd, n Eddy down with their mere existence. In addition to ruining the Eds' scams, they also frequently make out with the Eds without consent. They're also the apotheosis to the rest of cast as they're not funny, they're not quotable, and they're not interesting. No wonder they don't have any fans.

#5. Dragon (Skunk Fu): As a big fan of dragons, I would be all giddy to watch a show where the dragon is the main villain. Unfortunately, Skunk Fu is too terribly written to make Dragon an interesting villain. In addition to having such a rushed and pathetic backstory, Dragon does nothing but sit in his cave doing nothing but bark orders at his lackies. Nothing about him screams intimidating or powerful, just pathetic.

#4. Dr. Otomo Kamikazi II (Robotboy): Some evil genius he is. Dr. Kamikazi constantly fails to capture Robotboy and what's worse is he never once thinks to make his own robot if he's so smart. He also has a weak motivation, a very exaggerated accent, and no real menace to him. He's just an embarrassing loser that's too stubborn to admit that he's not as smart as he thinks he is.

#3. Hawk Moth (Miraculous Ladybug): If this guy wants the powers of Ladybug and Cat Noir so much, why doesn't he get them himself? I'll tell you why: because he's a weak, lazy, incompetent villain! He'd rather send his Akuma butterflies to corrupt petty losers to do his dirty work and they always fail. He's just a pathetic bore of a villain that never once gets his hands dirty.

#2. Teamo Supremo's Rogues Gallery (Teamo Supremo): It's impossible to choose just one lousy villain from this stupid show, as they all have the same problem. They petty villains with lame gimmicks, 3 useless lackies, and they're not the least bit threatening. One of them is just a guy who makes fun of people and another is your typical Karen. Teamo Supremo has the worst line of villains in cartoons and it would've been Number 1 on my list, if it wasn't for...

#1. Lloyd Garmadon (Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu): ...THIS obnoxious little punk! Lloyd is the embodiment of all the previous entries. He's petty, he's stupid, he's lazy, he's egotistical, and he's such an embarrassment! All he does is bark orders to the snake peopke to commit childish crimes and as such he wastes the time of the heroes and the audience! He's such a bad villain that I could care less about his redemption and how he becomes a mainstay. All I want is for this kid to be shipped to Timbuktu and NEVER comeback!

Conclusion: These villains are so bad in their portrays, they make sitting through the show frustrating everytime they're on screen. Dishonerable mentions go to PAL from The Mitchells vs The Machines (just another vengeful A.I. in a sea full of them), Maximums I.Q. from Atomic Betty (a very generic villain in a very badly made cartoon), and Dio from JoJo's Bizarre Adventures (he's not even fun to talk about, that's how bad of a villain he is). Do you agree with my picks? What are some of your least favorite villains? Let me know down in the comments and I'll see you next time ;)

[infinizero]

Cale Henituse and Bruce Wayne differences popped into my head recently

They both,, very much cherish life but

Bruce would never kill anyone because he wants to save everyone

While Cale wants to preserve all the (relatively) innocent lives he possibly can

That is not to say that one of these things are wrong. I think that choosing to confront the worse society has to offer and deciding that their lives are worth enough to try saving is quite noble. I also think that choosing to get rid of the people who are simply irredeemable, who wouldn't live very happily even if they were somehow redeemed, is also noble.

The biggest difference between them in this aspect, is probably how much they enforce this rule on others and to what lengths they would go for this.

Bruce would choose to save the person in front of him if he could, even if it meant they would kill many others in the future. Cale would choose to let a victim of theirs dole out revenge even if it meant they died. (Raon choosing not to kill Venion v Ron and Beacrox and the assassin families that joined WS)

Which comes to my biggest gripe about Bruce

I got so annoyed thinking of this while writing that crossover I think Cale will probably embody this in it oops

Bruce doesn't kill people, that's fine, but why the hell did he save Joker from dying? Because he doesn't want his son to have blood on his hands?

So he won't stop killing when he starts? What kinda bullshit excuse is that, is self-control a myth to men? He realizes he won't be able to stop himself from murdering someone? Hang up the cowl. Cass is literally right there.

So Batman loses if he kills the Joker? So what? It's not a game. It's not a game. It's not a game. Important things need to be said thrice. So you lose the fight. So you end the single person who could not be redeemed if anyone tried, the person who killed your son specifically to get at you. Retire. Get therapy. Get better.

So his tragedy shaped him, so his ambition of helping people motivates him, then help in other ways. Hasn't this taken enough from you already? Aren't you tired? He is quite literally a billionaire. This money could be used for so many other things, just as or more helpful as his vigilantism has proved to be.

This post has derailed quite a bit whoopsie

Cale's faults, to me at least, are entirely rooted in his emotional constipation, something he shares with Bruce. I can't even blame him for it because *gestures at his life as KRS, then at his very busy life in Roan*

Anyways MOVING ON

A slight elaboration on all that would be that Bruce has contingencies in place should he die. He has successors and an entire system. Cale... Does not and the closest thing to a successor he has is Raon/On who are 6/12 as of the current canon and one is an op dragon who would destroy worlds if he dies. Bruce can die, but the repercussions wouldn't destroy the world. Cale, on the other hand...

Which takes me to how willing they are to break the law. Obv Bruce has vigilantism under his belt while Cale is a certified Scammer (exhibit... Everything), Arsonist (sea of fire anyone?), Terrorist (that time he kidnapped a king), has destroyed public property (an entire fucking island x2), has stolen items of great religious and historic significance (all the divine items, but is it really theft if it was just laying there?), led a civil revolution (elisneh and jopis), smuggling (cage and taylor into capital), and this post will be way too long if I continue.

The way they treat their subordinates/partners/kids!!!

Different versions of batman have different ways of doing it, but for the purpose of this post he is trying dad bruce (aka not the best but he is trying)

I think this is the biggest difference between them, actually, because Cale acts and tells the people around him the things they need and Bruce just... Doesn't communicate much. Somehow, they have the same communication issues and somehow they have the same emotional constipation. Somehow Cale still properly motivates his people better than Bruce does.

I feel like I've been shitting on Bruce this entire post but I genuinely can't think of anything he does that is better than Cale. Um. Oh yeah I guess his cause is technically more noble than Cale, do I think his methods are stupid? Yes. Do I like the stories that spring up from this anyways? Also yes.

This may or may not feel rushed because for some reason it posted while in draft stage but feel free to add

[inchidentally]

'what if the competition between Lando and Oscar turns bad?' between my landoscar post and comments on other SM content it made me want to get weird in notepad again

I'm tagging @481boxboxbaby and @twinkodium who've asked but I'm sorry if someone's asked to be tagged and I missed it! also tagging @huntscunt who's tags put this idea in my little head

(caveat that I'm a casual fan who happens to have been around F1 fans all my life so this is just my not remotely official perspective lol)

just to state I think it's a given that we're all so excited for McLaren's future with these two is that Lando and Oscar feel like generational talents. and they're also very different as drivers and every race is exciting to watch even just for them. also the fact that Oscar was the jolt of competition that Lando needed.

and honestly I'd be more worried about their future harmony if they hadn't already had so many highly competitive and charged moments in their first season together:

Oscar came in at a surprisingly even level with Lando apart from the obvious difference in experience. he's taken risks that have on balance landed decently on the side of ballsy/respectable vs total failure and the time spent as reserve driver hadn't deteriorated any of his ability. so it was fair to worry for a while if Lando would take the competition as motivation or frustration esp after the disparity between him and DR in 2022.

I really liked the sort of respectful if tentative camaraderie Oscar and Lando showed each other when the car was an absolute tractor. but I liked it even more the fact that the turnaround at McLaren by Silverstone saw them both still in such a good place while being very competitive. that was I think the start of us seeing that Oscar wanted to prove himself a real team player and good teammate by starting the habit of showing up consistently for Lando's podiums/qualis.

the pit lane ding-dong in Monza was definitely the biggest test they've had - and that a lot of teammates will ever have - and the whole thing was handled really well all around. Andrea did the right thing of being big bad boss and Lando was quick to say that it was prob down to misjudgement (which is what I always thought) and that they still respect each other the same. I wasn't as active then so I can't remember if Oscar was asked for a response but I do remember my friends/family telling me that it was impressive how that didn't cause any major damage between the drivers since that's a pretty major incident to happen so early in a new partnership.

side note here to say that the ppl around me who've been watching F1 since the 90s overall feel like the hothead in-fighting with teammates seems to be fading/getting less intense with the younger generations. maybe it's because alpha male mentality seems cringe to gen z or because awareness of mental health is way more prevalent. Gasly and Ocon are relatively young drivers but even there the situation is pretty rare and because of hanging onto childhood grudges. I don't get the impression that any of the people around me feel like the Norris/Piastri partnership is likely to blow up or generate bitterness just because they're competing so closely ??

it's fair to say that Oscar has seemed genuinely happy to acknowledge that Lando is the McLaren brand representative and the established fan favorite within the sport as well as the team's fanbase. he's extremely mature for his years and incredibly well-balanced in terms of ambition. he's almost tailor made as a perfect compliment to Lando. EDITED TO ADD: see Oscar's almost lifelong friendship with Logan Sargeant as an example of Oscar having duked it out on track with someone for years while remaining close friends the whole time. and this was Oscar interrupting his own victory radio message to say how awfully he felt for Logan crashing out early. and that this is what Oscar felt about his and Lando's partnership toward the end of the season.

EDITED TO ADD:

Silverstone is a perfect encapsulation of how Lando has felt about Oscar from the very start and this was so beautiful to say.

Lando has measured himself by Lewis Hamilton-level goals since karting. Oscar wants to qualify well and win races. Lando was brought into F1 extremely young coming off of huge expectations and has placed enormous pressure on himself since as early as his second year in F1. Oscar has taken a business-like approach to his career since he was 14 and his calm sense of focus and determination comes from focusing on the race ahead and not letting much else in.

Lando's emotions being driven by his superstar destiny/status and Oscar's ability to have calm perspective even during a race is as solid a foundation as you can get in an F1 partnership honestly. they'll absolutely have the same conflicts that all teammates do and the media and DTS will explode those out of all proportion (both of which I ignore anyway). but I really can't see Oscar suddenly flying off the handle or holding grudges and I can't see Lando becoming a driver who suddenly wants to sustain a bad relationship with his teammate after all these years. Oscar is very clearly not the type to develop a crazy ego and Lando genuinely has more of an insane high self-expectation complex than that big of an ego.

even setting aside the parasocial widely felt agreement that they seem to genuinely like and respect each other, neither of them are alpha types and they're not both superstars jostling for publicity and they didn't come up together with a ton of existing history. idk it's just not on the F1 cards that they become icy or resentful.

so while I know no one can see the future and they're both relatively young and could change I don't really feel apprehensive?? and it's way too early to know if either of them will split from McLaren or when. especially if the car stays competitive with RB and Merc then it's the best place for both of them for the foreseeable (and prob most likely since competitive openings elsewhere look to be scant for the next 5ish? years but pls correct me if that's wrong!).

.

.

side side side note: I personally would not want to see Lando at RB. I know he's itching to try that car but unless RB and Max change drastically before then, Lando would positively shrivel up there. he's a superstar and he needs to be someplace he can be a superstar. it's also why I'm glad Carlos and Daniel moved along bc that's why those friendships are still so strong. we saw what had begun to happen when Lando was eclipsing Daniel and I don't even want to think about Carlos and his family if Carlos was teammates with a dominant Lando.

[carpetbug]

what are ur fave songs for each character and WHY. ANALYSIS

omg thank u we’re in love now 😽

I have not updated these playlists in a while so a lot of them are songs i listened to in like 2020 lmao, heres a few from each :)

Marinette

Into the unknown (frozen 2) - original and cristina vees cover make me think so hard about marinette its crazy. her initially refusing to be ladybug, insistent that she couldnt do it but always coming back because she desperately wants to test those waters, see what shes meant to do and how it could change her.

Ladybug

Ribs (lorde) - how easily overwhelmed marinette gets and how her anxiety and stress almost force her to overthink every aspect of her life. I can see her getting this extreme tunnel vision where she cant see all the progress shes made, all the victories shes already had, and instead can only focus on how shes not doing enough, and its not fast enough, and its not good enough. it just really reminds me of how badly she wants to prove herself to be this strong and trustworthy hero, but she feels like shes losing herself as she grows and isolates herself more and more in the role of guardian and ladybug.

Adrien

Mamas boy (dominic fike) - he literally IS the mamas boy. what more can i say. also alludes to him being a sentimonster with the lines "when i was born, you were produced", "i wish i was a toy", "youre made from plastic im just blood".

Chat Noir

First love/late spring (mitski) - ok hear me out. how chat compensates for his family life with devoting himself to ladybug. "one word from you and i would jump off of this ledge im on" is exactly how he operates with her, being ready to throw himself in front of her, literally die for her if she ever said so. and she never does! she gets upset with him for doing it over and over! i just think this song depicts really well how chat noirs goal was always "do whatever I can to help ladybug, no matter what i may lose" while she had to watch him leave his life in her hands like it was nothing.

also including ships because obviously i have playlists for all lovesquare sides + other ships i’m silly about

Ladynoir

Show Yourself (frozen 2) - both the original and cristina vees cover (WHICH IS SO GOOD GO LISTEN TO IT RN) remind me so hardcore of ladynoir. the whole idea of ladybug finally coming to terms with showing chat who she truly is and being ready for the same from him, idk i can imagine an entire movie in my head of ladynoir reveal to this song. [fav lyrics: "I can sense you there, like a friend ive always known", "I have always been a fortress cold secrets deep inside. you have secrets too, but you dont have to hide", "you are the answer ive waited for all of my life"]

Blame (air traffic controller) - this is probably one of my all time favorite songs like fucking ever and tbh i can see it with all lovesquare sides but i feel like ladynoir is the best fit! Chat picking ladybug up when she falls down and constantly being there to remind her she was to get up and fight, theres no time to sit and pity and blame herself, and he wont let her. him being her voice of reason as she copes with losing almost everything to monarch, him grounding her and being one of her biggest motivations to go on! with how severely marinette overthinks and doubts herself, he just becomes a mantra of 'dont blame yourself' which she desperately needs [fav lyrics: "Dont blame yourself cause you tried as hard as hell with the hand that you were dealt", "get on your feet, enough 'poor me', if you got time to bitch and whine then theres still time to try again", "And the vultures they are circling overhead, theyre reminding me of choices from my past"]

Peach Scone (hobo johnson) - makes me think of early seasons ladynoir ;-; chat just being head over heels for ladybug, struggling with keeping his love platonic when he wants to be with her and know her. Also getting to kinda hear his side of ladybug saying shes already in love with someone, how he respects that but still is a bit of a flirt, and hides how much it hurts him. also i love hobo johnson. [fav lyrics: "She kinda loves him back, but not really, theyre just really good friends and thats fine, he understands, its rational", "Oh, you got a man? are you in love? so, what type?", "So i fall to the ground, collect myself and get ready to take over your heart or atleast your spare time"]

Talk to me (cavetown) - i am such a sucker for ladynoir comfort. the idea of them being there for each other at their lowest points, holding each other together. This whole song just makes me think so strongly of chat comforting ladybug when shes breaking down and needs someone. [fav lyric: "ill be here until youre okay, lets your words release your pain, you and i will share the weight"]

Could have been me (The struts) - GOD. THIS SONG. ITS SO LADYNOIR CODED TO ME. them hyping each other up!! keeping each other going!! being each others motivation to keep getting back up and fight!! i just love the idea of them constantly being there to pick each other up and remind them of what theyre fighting for. i could listen to this song forever i love it. I can also really hear "I cant hear you, I wont fear you" being a supportive call and response thing with them <3[fav lyrics: "I wanna taste love and pain, wanna feel pride and shame", "Don't wanna live as an unsung melody, i'd rather listen to the silence telling me i can't hear you, i won't fear you"]

Understood (leith ross) - i am a huuuuuge fan of leith ross so obv i love this song for ml. it just makes me think so much of a worn down, tired, sad chat just gushing and crying to ladybug about how he doesnt understand love, how his family dynamic impacts him, and just letting himself fall apart in her arms. and her relating! her feeling that same tiredness and guilt and ache about love and family and friends, how much invisible pressure is hanging over both their heads and only they understand it. [fav lyrics: "ill visit my family in living rooms that dont get cold cause blankets and body heat cant be compared when it only took you a week to grow old", "Im sick of attachments I recently learned I cant relax and im scared of myself, scared for my health, tell me youll take me back home", "im sick of the feeling that nothing will ever stand still"]

Struck by lightning (sara kays, cavetown) - this song just really makes me think about ladybugs devotion to chat. i just imagine chat being out in the middle of a storm at night and marinette seeing him from her window and joining him as lb to comfort him. her knowing hes not going to go inside, so she just sits and stays with him, insisting if hes going to get soaked and cold and possibly hit by lightning, shes going to do it with him. [fav lyrics: "If you don't respond, I'll put my shoes on and lay down on the pavement next to you if we get struck at least we'll make the news", "What a way to go out something this town will forever talk about the two kids who were laying down and struck by lightning in front of your house"]

She wants me (to be loved) (The happy fits) - literally early seasons ladynoir. she wants me! (to be loved). i think it just perfectly fits how in love with lb chat is and how its clear she cant give that to him. [fav lyrics: "so, you say you love me, but not the way I need, things are so close to what i want to be", "I cant stop feelin, i want her love but all my dreaming is not enough. so in the morning the sun will rise and ill wake up and she wont be mine", "why cant you love me here tonight?"]

Adrinette

I do adore (mindy gledhill) - marinette being head over heels for adrien and being her normal clumsy self. Falling over, rambling, making a huge fool of herself while adrien watches, completely oblivious to her crush. this song just really reminds me of how much marinette struggles with keeping herself calm around adrien, how shes always messing up words and doing the wrong thing, but he never freaks out at her and he never shames her for it. [fav lyrics: "when youre near i hide my blushing face and trip on my shoelaces", "Ive noticed youre remarkably relaxed and im overly uptight, we balance out each other nicely" "Tongue-tied, twisted, foot in mouth, i start to stutter ha-ha-heaven help me"]

Just a friend to you (meghan trainor) - early seasons adrinette <3 adrien being so painfully oblivious while marinette is struggling with balancing being his friend and her overwhelming feelings for him. [fav lyric: "so it breaks my heart when you say im just a friend to you cause friends dont do the things we do"]

Silly girl (chloe moriondo) - listen to this song rn! its so perfectly adrinette! its crazy! how marinette romanticizes adrien and kind of puts him on a pedestal at the beginning which leads to her ignoring how he doesnt fit into that idea shes molded of him. Her having to deal with the pain of being in silent love with him while he seems so far away, and turning that back around to use against herself. i just think it explain really well how marinette saw him in this perfect, unattainable bubble before they got closer and she realized he was nothing like his public image of perfection [fav lyrics: "im just a silly girl in a stupid dumb old world and he is perfect cause hes supposed to be", "he is perfect, unlike me, and how could i ever think that it was meant to be? and how could i ever think that anything was made for me?", "I made him perfect, cause i wanted him to be"]

Small (chloe moriondo) - this was originally intended to relate more towards marinette, but listening to it now with season 5 in my head it just screams adrien! how suddenly he falls for her and he cant get her out of his head! how in just a blink of an eye he is getting flushed when talking to her, hes wanting to be near her and talk to her, he wants to be with her! but shes pulling back from him and hes sort of unable to balance these new feelings AND respecting her boundaries because shes just the only thing he thinks about. i love simp boyfriend adrien. she fell first but he fell harder and no one can convince me otherwise [fav lyrics: "but im not used to dealing with feeling like im waisting your time", "ive never cared so much about avoiding overstepping, and when i think about you i forget about my hands" "endlessly try to make you smile cause whenever i see it my knees always get so weak"]

The one that got away (acoustic version - katy perry) - I am a mess over this song. i always imagine it as a post-reveal scenario in which something happened and ladybug lost chat in the fight against hawkmoth and found out he was adrien right as he died saving her. how badly she misses him and cant stop thinking about how he was the love of her life! having to go on living the rest of her life without him! shes unable to move past it and just spends her time thinking of all the things shed do if she still had him. in another life, they could still be happy together [fav lyrics: "we'd keep all our promises, be us against the world", "talk about our future like we had a clue, never planned that one day id be losing you"]

"Do you wanna be friends?" (leanna firestone) - Marinette breaking her own heart by having such a close friendship with adrien while being in love with him and knowing she cant do anything about it. Her desperately trying to convince herself she can be okay with a life with him as a friend and nothing more when obv she cant bc ouchie! her heart! [fav lyrics: "Do you wanna be friends? i mean, i wanna be more, but if friends is how i get to have you then sure", "The world wont end if you dont love me even if it feels that way"]

Marichat

If i could tell her (dear evan hansen) - i feel like this is a classic marichat song. like its been a marichat song for a hot minute but its still so them. chat comforting marinette about feeling like adrien doesnt notice her! and listing off things adrien 'told him about' and slowly realizing he does actually pay attention to all those small intimate things marinette does! he feels such a strong need to make sure marinette understands how important she is to adrien, and realizing how deep the disconnect between them two is [fav lyrics: "If i could tell her how shes everything to me but we're a million worlds apart and i dont know how i would even start", "And what do you do when the distance is too wide?"]

Drive (halsey) - i love this song for the idea of marinette and chat suppressing their feeling for each other because theyre 'supposed' to be in love with adrien and lb. for me it kind of paints a mental image of hangouts and games and memories between mari and chat that slowly become these intense, almost upsetting silences and tension. Just them desperately ignoring how deep their feelings for each other truly go and insisting everything remain surface level [ fav lyrics: "All we do is think about the feelings that we hide, all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign", "Your laugh echoes down the hallway, carves into my empty chest, spreads over the emptiness. its bliss", "Overanalyze again, would it really kill you if we kissed?",]

Comfort crowd (conan gray) - this song just really makes me think of chat being at a really low point and trying to hide it from marinette so he doesnt burden her with his emotions and baggage, and her just seeing right through it. Like hes smiling and trying to wave it off and she just knows hes not okay, and he just breaks. Ultimately it makes me think of chat turning to marinette for such deep and intimate comfort that purely comes from him being with her. just knowing hes safe to hold onto her and cry and shell be that company for him. [fav lyrics: "this hurt that im holding's getting heavy, but imma keep a smile on my shoulders til im sweaty", "my breaths getting short and im unsteady, welling up in tears as i lay upon your belly", "Telling you im fine I dont really need nobody, but you say through a sigh that i said that lie already", "and even if i cry all over your body, you dont really mind say you like your shirt soggy"]

Lost in you (khai dreams) - i love the mental image of just such relaxed, fluffy, soft, marichat dynamic in this! chat slowly realizing hes in love with marinette and getting lost in every aspect of her. maybe not being able to entirely admit its love, but still being able to admit he has such a deep and sincere admiration for marinette that he feels is returned in a way he doesnt feel from ladybug [fav lyrics: "Im just looking for some mutual love but all i get is unrequited", "Cause i dont even know I dont know why, all your love im trynna find im so lost in you, in all that you do"]

Something there (beauty and the beast) - i enjoy a good disney song every now and then! its just so marinette and chat slowly falling for each other and being like "nuh uh... wait.. wait a minute.." and then falling headfirst in love with each other, and unable to communicate it. But both of them feeling this sudden new and strange spark between them, things slowly changing, becoming more and more personal and slowly beginning to accept that things have changed [fav lyrics: "And now hes dear, and so unsure, I wonder why I didnt see it there before", "and when we touched she didnt studder at my paw, no it cant be, ill just ignore, but then shes never looked at me that way before", "True that hes no prince charming but theres something in him that i simply didnt see"]

I'd have to think about it (leith ross) - another leith song bc THEYRE SO GOOD GO LISTEN TO ALL THEIR MUSIC RN anyways some angst a lil :) a future where marinette/lb and adrien/chat somehow got torn apart after the reveal and lost contact for. a hot minute. and when they've found each other again its chat finally finding marinette, in a new home, with a new family, and a new life. but they both know who each other are and marinette having to cope with knowing she would drop everything to be with him again. anyways. brain food. [fav lyrics: "but if you come to me, in my home with my three kids, if you asked me to leave, to be with you and split, well id atleast have to think about it", "and if you come to me when ive promised to commit, if you told me that you loved me and asked me for a kiss, well id atleast have to think about it", "you are my achilles heel, the weakness only I can feel"]

Come around (peter mcpoland) - THIS SONG MAKES ME SO GIDDY FOR SOME REASON!! makes me think of like chat picking marinette up from her balcony and taking her on rides, showing her (what he thinks shes never seen) a brand new side of paris and getting to bask in the warmth and light she radiates with him. 'shes looking at the pretty lights, i cant stop looking at her eyes' type shit. just him being so so down bad for her. [fav lyrics: "Ive noticed you pull the blinds back when you hear that im driving round", "i dont mean to cause any trouble, well maybe a little if thats allowed"]

Animal (neon trees) - this song also makes me so !! the vibes are so playful and fun and flirty while the lyrics are more intense. just really reminds me of how surface level marinette and chat keep things, flirting and teasing and just enjoying each other, and then as soon as things get more serious it comes down to a life/death type feeling. but still longing for each other! they know it just hurts and they cant but they want to! they both love and hate the way their relationship feels suspended in the air, in that it gives it a rush of uncertainty and playfulness but it also brings serious fears and pain. i love this song a lot for them [fav lyrics: "I do it everytime, your killing me now and i wont be denied by you, the animal inside of you", "hush hush the world is quiet, hush hush we both cant fight it, its us that made this mess, why cant you understand?"

Ladrien

Dixie boy (april smith and the great picture show) - i have to admit i dont think a whole lot about ladrien but! i am a sucker for jealous/posessive ladybug like claiming adrien for herself and adrien jsut being like. yep. okay. i agree. cause her ass is petty enough to like makeout with him in front of chloe just to really rub it in and adrien is like yippe!! my super hero bug gf loves me! while ladybug is so >:) do not ever touch my man [fav lyrics: "Cause like a soldier defends his land well i stand up, i get up, i defend my man", "Well i know the way that you girls operate so keep your hands to yourself and your eyes on your own plate. Its not nice to stare, dont make me come over there", "Im a lover, not a fighter, and i dont want to have to get rough. just warning you ahead of time I can be a bitch when it comes to my stuff"]

Bad ideas (tessa violet) - both adrien and ladybug just being such lovesick nerds for each other <3 ladybug trying to fight the urge to kiss him when theyre together, and adrien doing anything he can to keep her near him. they both know its a bad idea, to just stop trying to keep it all contained, but its so tempting to just say fuck it and indulge the bad ideas. atleast for a little [fav lyrics: "But i just wanna see the grooves between your hands, your teeth, oh, tell me do you think about me?", "So why'd i wanna kiss you even though i miss you, guess i just wanted to know what it would feel like"]

Her (eery) - how much adrien thinks about ladybug. just all the different ways he dissects her personality, their memories, every little bit of information he knows about her. i just feel like this song, while simple, just really encapsulates how constantly ladybug is on his mind. i miss that dynamic damn

YOUTH (troye sivan) - ladybug and adrien running away together. fuck it. literally think about it. them just being in love and together and adrien finally getting out of that HOUSE and getting to be with his LADY and be happy. How deeply devoted to each other they would be, and although naive, they would be so sincere and literally ride or die for each other.

Roman holiday (halsey) - i love the idea of ladrien having those small, important firsts together. putting aside not being able to be completely honest with each other, adriens entire family dynamic, everything, and just saying screw it and dating and doing couple things! theyre both too scared of what might happen if they slow down and face reality, so they ignore everything outside of themselves. they both have that ache of knowing its not real, its not how they can actually live, but for now they get to be happy. and in love. and with each other. and theyll deal with all the heartbreak later [fav lyrics: "didnt know where we were running to but dont look back", "and we know that were headstrong, and our hearts gone, and the timings never right"]

and my other playlists

Chat Blanc

ANTI-HERO (SEKAI NO OWARI) - i will do my best to put my emotions towards chat blanc into comprehensible words but i make no promises. i love him so much. anti-hero gives like him turning his back on being a hero just for marinette, being okay with being viewed as evil hated because hes doing it for her! his distaste for the rest of the world in comparison to mari/lb ! how he lost his moral compass and doesnt understand the ways hes hurting her and himself by turning his back on being chat noir! god its so good [fav lyrics: "im gonna be the anti-hero, feared and hated by everybody, im gonna be the anti-hero so i can save you when the time comes", "cause there are people that ive got to protect and if you get in my way youre dead"]

I am damaged (heathers) - you caught me im a theater nerd but literally this song is so good for chat blanc! him coming to the realization the only way to save mari/lb is to destroy himself. him saying goodbye and making sure she understand that she was his everything! and he trusts her to fix the mistakes he made because shes his lady! and her not being able to talk him out of it and just having to say goodbye [fav lyric: "wish youd kiss me then youd know i worship you, ill trade my life for yours and once i disappear clean up the mess down here"]

Blah blah blah (the oozes) - reminds me of the trauma marinette gets from chat blanc, how she suffers nightmares and just cant stop being reminded of the horrible fate her partner suffered through. how marinette just cant go back to 'normal' after fighting him but also cant confide in anyone about it [fav lyrics: "you couldn't care less for the people youre hurting, there no excuse", "youve ruined the color blue for me, im surrounded by a deep dark sea"]

Anytime you smile (JT music, Andrea storm kaden) - kind of how i imagine chat blanc kept himself going while being isolated for all those months. coping by pretending ladybug was still with him and nothing was wrong, but slowly feeling uneasy and letting reality creep in. it shows how desperately he fights against his loneliness and pain with day dreaming, but still loses his mind. [fav lyrics: "anytime you smile baby you know you drive me wild, crazy! thats why you got me screamin, i think i might be dreamin", "believe me if im sleeping, i wanna keep on dreaming", "Someday soon this honey moon might be gone though, i hate goodbyes. I might not love you still, youll find no tougher pill to swallow (open your eyes)", "I stepped into a nightmare when i woke up from utopia starting to remember my depression and my phobias, why is everybody looking at me like i lost it?", "How can i be happy here? guess ill just pretend to be!" "no more sadness in this beautiful world, in love with happiness shes a beautiful girl!")

Mr bright side (the killers) - IM SORRY?? "it started out with a kiss how it did end up like this?" AND YOU DIDNT THINK THIS WOULD BE ON MY CHAT BLANC PLAYLIST?? thats really it for some reason this song is just so chat blanc to me. i love it.

Bad bad things (ajj) - im also a big fan of just bonkers insane scary chat blanc, him losing his humanity and only being able to see it reflected in mari/lb and not being able to stand it. him not being able to control his more violent ideas and losing himself in hurting others [fav lyrics: "So i looked into your eyes and i saw the reflection of a coward that you and i both hate very much", "If i dont go to hell when I die i might go to heaven but probably not"]

Akumanette

Dumb dumb (mazie) - i love the idea of an akumanette that just LOSES it on her friends after lila does some real stupid shit. none of her friends standing with her or supporting her and marinette getting so so upset and frustrated that they would be dumb enough to fall for it! which, being akumatized, of course wont come out the wrong way and is warped into this monstrous idea that marinette sees them as these morons who have disappointed her time and time again [fav lyric: "disappointment takes us by surprise even though by now i think we should have realized everyone is dumb"]

Class fight (melanie martinez) - god I LOVE AKUMANETTES THAT LOSE THEIR SHIT. lila putting distance and uncomfort between her and adrien (pre relationship) before marinette catches them kissing and get akumatized, and then marinette wrecks her shit :) her inner voice of reason feeling so horrified with the brutality and trying to get herself to realize but being able to deny monarchs voice encouraging her to act on her worst instincts [fav lyrics: "she had a boy wrapped around her finger tight, i fell in love with him but he wasnt in my life", "Her face was fucked up and my hands were bloody, we were in the playground things were getting muddy", "my one true love called me a monster"]

Bust your kneecaps - johnny dont leave me (pomplamoose) - i think this one really works well with an akumatized ladybug! her being so soft and scary to chat, chat blanc style, while promising to do horrible things to him. akumabug trying to convince him to 'just stop fighting' and 'hand over his miraculous' and then 'everything will be just the way it should be' and finally giving up and working instead to defeat chat rather than convince him

Therefore i am (billie eilish) - cold, angry akumanette FOR THE WIN OGH her just being such a silent but deadly akuma, her voice devoid of all the love and kindness it used to have when she was with adrien/chat, and him having to fight her while she shows no mercy. I just love the idea of chat doing anything he can, crying and begging marinette to fight it and come back to him and she has no pity for him [fav lyrics: "Get my pretty name out of your mouth, we are not the same with or without", "Did you have fun? i really couldnt care less and you can give them my best but just know im not your friend"]

Pretty privilege (blegh) - marinette being shown time and time again that the worst people will get away with horrible things, while she has to suffer beneath them and getting fed up. her letting all her feelings rise to the surface about how ugly she thinks people can truly be [fav lyrics: "Its crawling from underneath the surface nobodys first choice kind of ugly", "just because somethings pretty the laws dont apply to them have you noticed this shit its so ugly"]

Other friends (cristina vee cover) - i live for crazy akumanette losing her mind on everyone! what can i say! i love the idea of her confronting her friends and lilas lies in such a angry but playful way before losing her shit! and the added bonus of it being MARINETTES voice?? im screaming [fav lyrics: "What did she say about me, what did she say?", "Im the loser of the game you didnt know you were playing", "life on the line, winner takes all, ready or not lets begin!"]

Marigami/Kagaminette

She (dodie) - kagami fighting against her feelings for marinette because of their friendship, because of adrien, because of her mother, and because shes scared to admit she loves marinette far beyond how friends should. I love her just gently pushing that line, asking herself that question of "what is so wrong about it?" and working to accept that the pain and heartache are real because her feelings are [fav lyrics: "Could it be wrong when shes just so nice to look at ?", "id never tell, no id never say a word and oh it aches, but it feels ugly good to hurt"]

Sophie (black polish) - marinettes feelings for kagami! wanting to freeze her time with her, relive every moment they've been through and just experience the world by kagamis side. just how desperately they both need each others time and space, how comforting it is to just be with her. [fav lyrics: "youre impossible to read and thats fine, i dont even understand my own mind", "I just wanna escape the world sophie with you, with you, with you, with you"]

and an added bonus: i LOVE the song Bruno is Orange for kagami. reminds me of her so much.

[reccyls]

How would you describe the relationship between MC and Drake? How does their relationship develop over time?

I'd say the biggest themes surrounding their relationship are about trust, being true to yourself, and then also a bit of proving that you are better than you think you are.

The overall relationship is playful, but also challenging, in the sense that because they are fundamentally different in their overarching thought processes and beliefs, they challenge each others' assumptions about the world and about themselves.

More details and spoilers beneath the cut (this got kind of rambly, sorry! And the very big spoilery parts deal with chapter 20 onwards)

So on the face of it, their relationship is very lighthearted. MC is nice, Drake is a tease, and they cheer each other up.

But Drake's cheerful facade drops a few times (each time only in front of MC) and reveals massive underlying trust issues. He'll laugh and joke with the residents of the mansion, then turn around and reveal that the whole time he thought they were keeping the MC around as a foodsource and threatened Sebastian into silence, or that MC is actually the mastermind and offering them her blood in order to manipulate the vampires into doing what she wants. Because of everything he lived through, he does not believe that people can be nice to each other just because they're nice people. He thinks there's always some motive, that people will turn around and betray you at the drop of a hat, and it's stupid to put your trust in the goodness of people's hearts because such a thing just fundamentally does not exist. Hell, he doesn't even have any faith in himself; he's betrayed his fair share of people too. Promises are just empty words, whether they are promises someone else made to him, or his own.

Meanwhile, the MC is coming at things from the exact opposite end. From her own experiences, you can pretty much count on people being generally nice and good. Sure you can have differences, and of course the world isn't all sunshine and roses where every single person is good. But generally, she's on the side of 'believe people until they've given you reason to think otherwise'. You live life by trusting other people and justifying their trust in you. And here is where she struggles: because she doesn't want to let other people down. She's stuck in the 19th century through no fault of her own, but she has come to enjoy being with everyone at the mansion and the new life she has built for herself here and feels like this is where she belongs. Is she betraying her friends and family in the present day for enjoying her new life? If Comte and the others knew she was struggling with this, would they think she was blaming them for not being able to get her home?

So a big part of their early relationship is them taking each others' experiences and viewpoints, and adapting it slightly to help them come to terms with what their individual issues, even though it might take them to a completely different conclusion than the other person.

For example: Drake encourages MC to live her own life according to what she wants, to be true to herself. If other people don't agree, so what? As long as you don't betray yourself, you're fine. He takes that view because of everything he's gone through in the past, not allowing himself to believe in other people or care about their opinions of him, because that can all change in an instant and you'll be left with no one. So he thinks you can only be true to yourself by betraying others. But the MC takes that message differently because of her own personality: she fundamentally trusts other people, so she can put her faith in the people she left behind. Surely, the friends and family who love her in the present don't think she betrayed them because she chose to pursue her own happiness in the past. And the fact that she's staying in the past doesn't erase that she truly does care deeply for them, even when they are apart. She can still be true to herself because she trusts other people.

So the relationship does change significantly around the time after they both realize they have feelings for each other. This happens after MC gets kidnapped by vampire hunters and Drake rescues her. Earlier, MC made a promise to Drake: she'd never betray him, no matter what. And Drake being who he is, can't accept that at face value, and so offers a promise in return: he'll always keep her safe, no matter what. A promise for a promise, a transaction.

Now, remember that Drake doesn't believe himself. He's lying through his teeth when he makes the promise, because he doesn't think promises have any value. Anyway, he wants the world to be destroyed, so it's not like he'd be keeping that promise in the long run. But he still came to save her when she was kidnapped and about to be executed, anyway. He coudl have stayed back and let it play out, because nobody knew where MC was being kept except for him. But he saved her anyway.

He tells MC he didn't think he had any intention of keeping his promise, and says that even though he saved her this time, he might not in the future. He hands her a gun, that he had previously taught her how to use after the vampire hunters showed up, and tells her to keep it on her. Just in case he does end up betraying her in the future. But she says she still puts her trust in him, because she wants to. She believes in him, and again reaffirms her own promise not to betray him no matter what. So here she is, offering him what he thought he would never have: the ability to trust someone completely, and also be trusted in return.

But is it real? She says she'll never betray him, but people say things all the time. Can he let himself trust her? Does she really mean it when she says "no matter what"? What if he betrays her first? What will she do then?

He nearly stabs Vlad in the back (revealing that his knife was forged from the spear used by the vampire hunters that killed Vlad's family, the only weapon in the world that can kill purebloods), and then says that he intends to kill the MC next. He says everything they had was a lie, all the time they spent together was meaningless. And that if she wants to stop him, she needs to remember what she has to do. Then he vanishes.

Nobody is able to find him, which leads MC to believe that she's the only one who knows where he is: earlier in the route, she stumbled upon a safehouse belonging to Drake and Galileo. Maybe he's hiding there. She goes alone, taking the gun with her, not sure what she wants to do with it just yet, but wanting to see him again so she can get the full story and decide for herself what she wants and needs to do.

So Galileo has another time-travel door, and Drake is hiding beyond it. Though before she meets him, she does get to witness the most defining moments of his past and backstory (I've detailed here). But eventually they run into each other, just the two of them alone, and this is where Drake's final test begins. He tells her he wants the world to end, and she's one of the things standing in the way of him achieving that. So he'll kill her, right here, and he raises his knife to point at her.

MC is conflicted: She does love Drake. But he wants to destroy the world. He wants to kill everyone she cares about. And he wants to kill her. She's hurt, angry, but most of all sad. If she wants to keep the people she cares about safe, everything has to end here. And so she raises the pistol and aims at Drake.

But just as she's about to fire, she catches him smirking wryly. Sees his lips move, his resigned whisper of "I knew it". And she realizes that it doesn't have to end this way. As much as Drake is testing her to try and prove that his way of thinking is correct--that everyone will betray you in the end, no matter what they way--she can test him as well, to prove to him that putting your faith in other people is not misplaced.

So instead of firing at Drake, she puts the pistol to her own temple, and begins to pull the trigger.

The sound of a gunshot echoes, but the pistol is pointed to the air. In the blink of an eye, Drake ran up to her to pull the gun away from her head. He asks her what the hell she was doing, she answers simply: she promised she wouldn't betray him, and she intends to keep it. Yes, he betrayed her, wants to destroy the world she loves so much, and nearly killed her. But no one gets to dictate what she feels or what she does with her feelings. She wants to live by putting her trust in people, Drake included.

And she was right to: he saved her life just now. He kept his promise, too.

[enchanted-reviews]

Haunting Adeline

The Manipulator and the Shadow. A deadly duet, a cat and mouse game.

Oh, where to begin. This is going to be messy.

❗️ SPOILERS AHEAD ❗️

18+ book, 18+ discussion. MDNI.

Addie

My copy of Haunting Adeline consisted of 605 pages, and I'd decided I didn't much care for Adeline herself by page 2. I went into this novel knowing the MC would be at least a little vapid—it’s a dark romance in which she tempts and teases her dangerous stalker right back after all, saying “come ON girl” is part of the territory—but Addie proved herself pretty insufferable right off the bat.

Our first real characterization of her is that she HATES her bitch mom, is insecure about her life choices? (as she uses the book’s very beginning to privately reaffirm how successful she is and why the path she’s chosen for herself is right), and that she really loves the old manor she’s just inherited from her nana.

When we get information on Addie’s dad much later in the novel, she states that he was around more or less, but ultimately faded into the background. It’s only Addie’s mom’s side of the family (specifically the women) with trauma that continues to affect Addie to this day. Look, I’m glad we didn’t go with the daddy issues trope, but it might have been cool to have a MC who’s into dark, kinky, fucked up shit just because she is. She loves horror movies as well, does that require a childhood examination? Why does trauma always have to be a connected factor to kink? This implication that it runs in the family is a little strange.

I actually don’t have TOO much beef with Addie. Sure, she’s annoying, and just self-aware enough to call out her own stupidity, but she falls as much a victim to bad writing as she is a victim to Zade’s “love.”

Oh—there is one line she gives on pg. 299, stating:

“He wouldn’t be a man without his cock.”

Which is just… pretty gross to find in a novel being heralded on 2024 BookTok.

Also, her DRINKING problem. Addie downs alcohol like a fish. Do we ever see her sip water? Whether she’s at home, a cafe, or out with friends, she’s throwing back shots and martinis every day, all the time. It’s a little concerning.

Zade

If a character deserves to have trauma, it’s Zade—at least to give him understandable motivation for targeting sex traffickers. There is no personal turning point spurring him down this dangerous road. He simply does it because he wants to.

His reasoning feels hollow. In his POV chapters throughout the novel, we get glimpses of his happy childhood, and later on he explains in depth to Addie how he grew up with loving parents. He states that the only traumatic experience he’s ever suffered was when his parents eventually died in a car crash; Zade obtains a degree in computer science and makes a decent living for himself as a self-taught hacker until he eventually forms Z, an organization designed to take down criminals of the government. He devotes his entire life to saving victims of human trafficking and frequently infiltrates dangerous hotspots, which is why he’s as physically strong and capable as he is mentally.

What’s the motivation for dedicating his entire life to something so dangerous, so emotionally draining? The idea that someone has to do it.

Nothing personal that pushes him onto this path.

Aside from this empty characterization, there are 2 things that prevent me from seeing Zade as the hero this book so desperately wants the reader to view him as.

1. He has the BIGGEST ego. He is, plain and simple, insufferable and deserves to get punched in the mouth—repeatedly— for some of the things he says.

2. His heroic actions as Z directly contradict his behavior towards Addie, a complete stranger who he decides to obsess over in a very scary way the moment he lays eyes on her in a bookstore. He stalks her, intimidates and makes threats when she acts in ways he doesn’t approve of (such as flirting and bringing boys home), and sexually assaults and harasses her on multiple occasions.

Now, again, I knew what I was getting into with this book. I fully expected noncon and dubcon elements, and that’s not at all what I’m frustrated with. My issue with these nonconsensual scenes is that, while Zade is a hypocritical rapist with a cocky hero complex, there is seemingly no meta awareness of this and the book treats him like a genuinely amazing, selfless, HOT man anyone would be lucky to catch the attention of. HE IS A DOUCHEBAG!!!

When he and his friend Jay are ribbing each other, here is Zade’s response to Jay joking that he likes his women willing:

“A wicked smile forms, though the heat in my eyes remain. ‘Sounds to me like you don’t understand a woman’s body well enough to know when it sings for you, even when her mouth tries to resist’” (549).

You see that? I’ve designated Zade with barf green.

Zade, who has dedicated his life to killing r4pists, proudly defending his own r4pes since Addie’s body was aroused. Yep, totally fine. This is the behavior I definitely expect from a “good guy” (as many reviewers have described Zade).

Zade’s POV throughout the book contains lines that are meant to build up his “dark feminist hero” persona (and come off as super obvious, cheap even), but they also contradict all that flimsy construction. For example:

Pg. 110, Zade waits for Arch to come find him:

“He hesitates on the doorstep, sensing the danger residing in the shadows. But after a few moments, he develops a vagina and charges out the door and down the porch steps.”

Siiiiigh. Such moments, it feels like Zade drops a cliche girlboss line about how women are actually tough, then turns and winks at the audience as if to say, “see? I’m on YOUR side.”

Compare this to a random thought he has later:

“Fucking women and their screeching” (458).

He’s not playing a role and saying this out loud to anyone, this is Zade himself in his own head, reacting to something inconsequential.

Although, let’s be real, everything feels inconsequential with Zade. He’s a superhero. He can apparently take “chunks of concrete” in his eyes while multiple guns shoot at him, and he only needs to grunt and rub his eyes for a second before taking down all his assailants without a problem (71). He’s apparently “the best” hacker (in the world?), otherworldly in combat, and can expertly fool and charm anyone he speaks to. It’s all just so… boring.

There’s lots of mentions of the dark web and red rooms, which apparently don’t exist the way they do in scary stories (according to people who actually use the dark web and articles on red rooms), and all the “Society” stuff (the p3do trafficking ring Zade goes undercover with) feels superficial, like the author didn’t do enough research to make this subplot—which is a GREAT DEAL of the book—feel properly weighed down and nuanced.

Zade continuously justifies his treatment towards Addie by stating that he knows what she wants better than she does, and it’s only a matter of time before she falls in love with him. Never once does he seem to actually wrestle with his hypocrisy, or how horrible he is being to this TOTAL STRANGER. How does he even know she’s into it? His obsession was at first glance. They’ve never spoken a single word. And what really frustrates me about all this (besides of course his being a total hypocrite and the fact that the trafficking subplot, along with his characterization, completely sinks as a result) is this:

Addie is a VERY successful novelist. She’s even called “The Manipulator” when switching to her POV, and her ability to play with people’s emotions is repeatedly teased. Do we actually see these incredible manipulation skills at work? No, not really. She’s a writer with social anxiety (which is said to be crippling but is shown to be normal nerves at the start of events that immediately go away) who’s able to fake smile in front of people when she needs to. She doesn’t earn the name of Manipulator at all. Moving on.

Does Zade read Addie’s books? No. I don’t remember it ever being mentioned even briefly. Does he get attached to her words, her talents, any part of her beyond how sexy she looks? No. If you wanted to sell me on someone stalking a beautiful girl because he fell in love with her writing, that’s a much more compelling plot than the entirety of Haunting Adeline. It would have been so easy to have him read some dark stories she’d penned and use that as reasoning for why he understands the way she ticks.

Addie’s status as a writer bears no weight at all, so it feels like she is just the author’s self-insert (further evidenced by descriptions of Addie’s breathtaking beauty and sexy pornstar voice that everyone comments on, big natural tits, big shapely ass, and teeny flat stomach. Any time Addie’s stomach is mentioned, we must be reminded it’s a flat one).

Returning to the trafficking subplot and its implications in making Zade an untouchable hero (I did say this review would be messy):

1) Truly adore (sarcasm) the “true crime fanatic” vibe we’ve got going on here with the idea that any decent looking woman is a breath away from being snatched off the streets at all times. It feels like watching those tiktoks where women rent a hotel room and then carry out a complicated 20-step process in safety-proofing the room with tools they brought from home, with further instructions on how/when to walk to the car, what to do around the car before getting in, more steps after getting in the car, etc. Anyways, Addie is randomly targeted by this trafficking ring because she’s pretty and so the plot comes full circle, thus validating Zade’s initial stalking of Addie and turning it into something romantic and heroic since only he can keep her safe from truly evil forces.

2. More nit-picky but I thought some of Zade’s thoughts towards young girls were weird considering his passion towards saving the girls from creeps/violent tendencies in torturing said creeps.

When Zade saves a girl “no older than 8” from being sacrificed, he keeps commenting on her pretty eyes.

Later, when he runs into the doll (SUCH a random fucking character, this entire scene greatly aggravated me), we’re not given an age; however, she’s caught the attention of the p3dos nearby and is described to appear young and innocent, as well as acting out in childlike ways: “She’s a small thing, but the girl can fight … she snarls and stomps her foot like the child she’s dressed up to be” (456-457). Zade bizarrely notes how her nipples are visible through her thin nightgown, a detail that adds nothing to the scene. He also notices her cheeks flushing as she tortures the men they’ve rounded up together, and thinks: “I swear to God, if she gets off right in front of me, I’m leaving” (461). There was no sexual connotation until he took it there, and it feels gross with all the childlike descriptions of this “strange girl.”

Finally, there’s a scene RIGHT AFTER meeting the doll when Zade and Addie go all the way for the first time, and Zade keeps calling Addie “little girl” (which is a first) from start to finish, even making her repeat it and affirm she is his “good little girl” as she climaxes. I don’t mind this out of context, but with everything this story has established, it feels entirely inappropriate and even appalling.

Update: I was wrong, he calls her “little girl” on page 356… when they’re infiltrating a p3do party. Does he only do this when they’re in close proximity to people who abuse children??? 😧

Dialogue

(Addie’s mom) “Do something more with your life than waste away in that house like your grandmother did. I don’t want you to become worthless like her.”

A snarl overtakes my face, fury tearing through my chest. “Hey Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Fuck off.” (6)

Cue that one scene from Camp Rock—“Mom? Don’t.”

Also, why do I feel like I’m watching a subbed anime? Who talks like this?

>>ALL of page 13.<<

“Addie, you need to get laid.”

In response, I wrap my lips around my straw and slurp my blueberry martini as deeply as my mouth will allow … I think I need a bigger mouth. More alcohol would fit in it. I don’t say this out loud because I can bet my left ass cheek that her follow-up response would be to use it for a bigger dick instead”

Daya gives me a droll look. “You’re a hot twenty-six year old woman with freckles, a great pair of tits, and an ass to die for. The men are out here waiting.”

This entire interaction doesn’t feel like two platonic soulmates hanging out, it’s just space to inform the reader how sexy the MC is before Zade can.

The Murder Plot

Oh my god, this was so boring. I’m not even convinced Addie really wanted to figure out who murdered her great-grandmother. Sure, she tells us how badly she wants to close the case, but it doesn’t feel it when all she does is read Gigi’s journal entries (and blab to Mark later on, in true “WTF is wrong with you” fashion).

I don’t know when I started to suspect Frank (around the 200s? 300s?), but I wish more detail and attention had been given to these diary entries. Gigi includes the names of only 3 men in all of her entries: her husband, her stalker who she’s in a passionate affair with, and Frank, her husband’s best friend. Throughout the ENTIRE novel, any mention of the potential murderer pingpongs between “was it (husband)? Was it (stalker)?” and no one spares a single brain cell to the mere possibility it was Frank, who is always involved and who becomes increasingly more suspicious. I’m not a mystery girlie, I hate gathering evidence, but this was insane. There was simply too much going on in this novel and so everything felt lackluster.

So how did Addie finally solve the murder? Well, through her best friend, Daya.

It’s Daya who reverse images a picture to identify Mark’s father, Frank.

It’s Daya who finds information on the stalker’s death, down to the detail of “a broken heart” (537).

It’s Daya who gets the blood on the watch tested.

It’s Daya who matches Frank’s handwriting.

So what does Addie do? She finally searches just a BIT more in the attic she’s afraid of (and thus has been avoiding) to retrieve the evidence Daya then actually does something with.

The attic is haunted and filled with negative energy, which is why Addie stays away, but come ON. She loves horror. She loves thrills and being scared, as we’re reminded constantly. She flirts with danger when she’s being stalked by a deadly stranger. She continues to provoke said stalker when he cuts off the hands of a man who had touched her and delivers it to her. She insists on staying in this creepy haunted manor in which she is being stalked because she’s stubborn and refuses to give it up… but she can’t spend just a bit more time searching in the attic when she’s apparently so committed to solving this case? Get real.

The Corniness

“My body is just a vessel that my soul inhabits, attached to a shell that it’ll one day leave” (577).

This is the start to one of Zade’s random angsty rambles, and like, dude, she was just asking about your tattoos.

Overall, I thought I was being pretty forgiving towards most of the cheesy lines in the book constantly invoking Heaven and Hell, comparing Zade to the Devil in … creative… ways, and things of that nature. There’s a clear corruption kink threading throughout the novel that I expected and that seemed natural to what these cardboard characters are craving, so the presence of tumblr 2015-esque edginess didn’t bother me too much. Every once in a while, though, the cheese factor was just too much.

“And then to have the audacity to leave me a flower like a fucking weirdo? They may have made that rose powerless by clipping its thorns, but I will gladly show them a rose is still fucking deadly when it’s shoved down their throat” (38).

“A gentle, but firm knock vibrates my front door. It’s almost becoming an instinct for my heart to skip a few beats whenever I hear any noise in the manor. Surely, that can’t be healthy. Maybe I’ll eat some Cheerios. They say those are good for the heart, right?” (59)

There’s so much more, but I didn’t mark a lot as I was reading because 1) such a big book to get through and I didn’t want to spend more time on it, and 2) I had no intentions of starting a book review blog until this novel pushed me over the edge (so thanks for that, I guess?)

The Spicy Scenes

And now we arrive at the only element of this book I actually liked: the sex.

Like we came here for anything else.

I expected this book to be a lot more depraved if I’m being honest, but since the author was intent on trying to make Zade a “good guy” with questionable courting skills, along with bogging the rest of the story down with subplots that didn’t pay off, these scenes were good. Not great, not fantastic, just good. That said, I thought the gun scene was super hot.

He chuckles. “Little mouse, that’s exactly what I’m doing.” He then pulls my thong to the side, baring my pussy to him, and the arousal glistening from within. He mutters a curse under his breath as his eyes devour every inch of me …

“Suck,” he orders, his tone deepening with finality. Closing my eyes against more tears, I open my mouth and let him guide the gun between my teeth ... (213-214).

This happens 1/3 of the way into the novel and I’m thinking, Oh, finally. Maybe it does get good. Unfortunately, this scene—where predator and prey truly collide for the first time—remains the hottest scene in the book …

although the part where she’s on her knees with a belt around her neck (331) isn’t too far behind.

I liked that there was an attempt to keep each scene fresh, so Addie and Zade become increasingly more intimate in various locations.

Towards the end of the novel, there’s a scene in which Zade chases her through the woods while it’s raining. The primal play could have been fun—it’s what their relationship has been hurtling towards all this time—if they hadn’t actively been having sex before in her bed, with Zade suddenly telling her to “run” and making her jump off his dick and take off. The transition felt more comical than ~ohhhhh so dark and thrilling~.

The two of them having a sudden intense (yet necessary) argument AFTER he catches and pins her down, though, felt jarring. Especially since Addie receives some horrifying news and a terrifying wakeup call in this moment, just to be pulled into rough sex on the cold ground. There’s a time and a place for everything, Zade, my guy.

Final Thoughts

I started reading Butcher & Blackbird in the same day after finishing Haunting Adeline, and I kid you not, I breathed a sigh of relief on page 12 and made a note on my phone: “the main characters already have more chemistry than Zade and Addie did over 600 pages.” So nice to remember what natural-sounding dialogue and organic sexual attraction actually reads like.

Nevertheless!

Haunting Adeline is such a long book and sets itself up for future works (I honestly don’t know if it’s just a sequel or more). Over 605 pages it tackles so many different ideas and plot points, it’s hard to gather all my thoughts and articulate them in a neat way. Harder still is the fact that this remains a dark romance book, with problematic kinks and actions.

I’m here for dark fiction. I don’t need every character I read about to be an upstanding person, or a secret vigilante taking down trafficking rings in a major city. Sometimes it’s healthy for us (adults!) to engage in fiction that is just intended to scandalize and tantalize, noncon and unhealthy attraction and all.

What I don’t appreciate is the hardcore attempts to paint the perpetrator of those actions as a “good guy.” Someone who only seems dangerous in the beginning until, surprise!, it turns out he’s protecting the MC from even more dangerous enemies. The lengthy, beat-you-over-the-head-till-you’re-sick-from-it justifications of why he’s actually sexy and desirable for assaulting her, for stalking her, for bringing blood and violence to her door—why we should actually root for these two to end up together as a couple in love.

Maybe it’s impossible to create a truly “dark” romance novel for a mainstream audience, in much the same way the kink community should be gatekept from people who don’t seek it out. The nuances of consent and navigating dark desires in a healthy, productive way will go straight over people’s heads if they’ve had no reason to deliberate over these concepts and practice them in their own life. As a result, a novel like Haunting Adeline that raises up a stalker-r4pist as a romantic hero will no doubt be misinterpreted by many. I’m not saying it’ll have a detrimental effect on their lives, and I will never advocate for book censorship—only that this book is a frustrating heap of disappointment to the people who are most likely to pick it up, and a scandalous treat for those who may not engage with its themes as meaningfully as one would hope.

Zade tells us a million times why he’s the sexiest man around while showing through his actions it’s all false, meanwhile 5-star reviews pile up saying “yesssss Zade, yes you ARE!”

I need to give my brain a good scrub after 7 hours reading this shit.

Rating

⭐️⭐️ 2 / 5 stars

[adreamofdoriath]

L, O, V, E

❤❤❤

Headcanon asks

L - What is their secrets to happiness?

Third Age Daeron has forgotten the meaning of the word.

Pre-fall of Doriath, I think he took enormous pleasure from feeling that he had found his place in Thingol's court. He had the freedom to devote himself wholly to his arts, the products of which were valuable, and he had great personal affection for the royal family, which he felt was returned. He enjoyed not having to fight for survival and being able to have parties and celebrations. And of course, being able to make music to celebrate all the things that made him happy!

O - What motivates them?

In general, curiosity and a desire to create. Daeron likes trying new things in all his arts and he's strongly motivated to see what he can create and what he can capture with his work. Often it's less about the reception he may get for these things and more just to see if he can, and if he can do it such that he will be satisfied with the result.

V - What’s their biggest pet peeve?

To pick something extremely petty, although idk if it tops the list, he doesn't care for it when people want to play things they wrote for him to try to prove their skills. Most often he is not impressed and it bores him. Yes it would be nice to impress Thingol's famed minstrel with your talent--but it's not going to happen.

E - What is their love language?

I love this question because it really makes me think about how the characters give and receive affection. Admittedly, I haven't thought about this one much for Daeron yet.

I would say quality time is probably his #1. Spending time with people he cares about is very rewarding and it reassures him that his company is desired. This is true even if they aren't actively interacting--he's perfectly content to sit quietly doing his own thing in the room with someone he likes and count that as "hanging out." Secondarily, I would say words of affirmation. He likes to hear that the people in life value him and want him around.

[tartrazeen]

I swear I love the friendship between Angus and Rohan. Angus is my favourite character, and Rohan's okay as an extension of Angus (I tried to see if I had any interest in Rohan away from Angus, but the best I could do was, "I'm off on my own adventure, all by myself! Oh boy, I can't wait to come back and tell Angus what happens - that's my whole motivation for going!" So. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ He's forever relegated to being a package deal).

... But I also love proving how unbreakable their friendship is by making them fight until they borderline break up. 🥺👉👈

I don't know why that's so fascinating to me. I get that I love making Angus miserable for my own entertainment, which - in my defence - is the canon treatment of him on the show. But Rohan's got so many boring "ooh i have to save the kingdom" problems that he's only fun when I make him miserable over personal stuff - stuff from his old life.

And what's Rohan's old life? Living in a hut with Angus and being Cathbad's invisible, peasant apprentice. By the end of the show, he's gotten rid of that and doused himself in ancient prophecies, legendary fame, respect, power, a place in the king's court, a mysterious and long lost royal family, becoming popular at last (I still maintain the guy had zero other friends), and so actively embracing his role as Draganta that you'd think the biggest reminder of who he once was would be... well, an embarrassing reminder.

But Angus has never been embarassing to Rohan. In a lot of episodes, Rohan's really proud of him. After Angus says he sees gold in a field, Rohan's practically bragging about how good Angus is at spotting gold anywhere, and he's all happy when he learns how to steal a buckler from Torc like Angus taught him. The closest he gets to being embarrassed by Angus is, I think, when Angus is goofing off while Rohan's trying to learn how that fancy duel against Lugad is gonna work. (Rohan got into that situation by being a dumbass though, and I don't think he actually says anything. It's Cathbad who shuts it down, so it's Cathbad's fault uwu)

After that, maybe during the episode with the wish, where Rohan starts thinking Angus can't be trusted to make a 'good' wish on his own? And he's still not embarrassed - he's concerned. Rohan goes, "We need to help Angus do the best he can 🤔," not "Ooh, I can't be associated with this guy 😬."

So that friendship, that pride in who Angus is, the comfortable assumption that Angus'll be in Rohan's old and new life (and the insistence on it in the early episode where they all get enchanted and start attacking each other, and Rohan's like, "nooo i need my bestie 🥺 angus snap out of it 🥺🥺") is just a big Chef's Kiss. I love that he treats Angus like a walking safety net. Rohan's sad? Sick? Worried? Nervous? Scared? Awkward? Ass-kicked-by-Garrett? About to be dragon-mauled? Bored? Just basically unhappy in any way that Rohan can't instantly solve on his own? There's Angus 💖

Let's ruin it! 😃

Lately, I've been trying to make a fight where it's Angus who starts it, but it still comes back to being Rohan's fault anyway. 😆 Why? Blorbo privileges. Sorry, Rohan. But yeah, I want Angus getting his hands emotionally dirty instead of Rohan just being way too defensive and lashing out over something again. I adore the bull-in-a-china-shop energy, but let's let the angst lead us for once.

I'm picturing the build-up in the context of how they probably grew up: Rohan helping with the obvious chores and doing what he was told, but Angus - being a whole year older - actually learning what they had to do.

It's still Angus, so I'm not thinking he learned how to magically plan in advance. But with how resourceful he is, he'd absolutely figure out solutions to whatever mess they were in - ones neither of them saw coming 'cause they're both a little dumb. Like if winter "snuck up" on them, so Angus has to find where some Irish Squirrels© are nesting - and also who in a village did stock up, and what he can take from that stock while he's sent Rohan off in the other direction to innocently hunt/discover if Ireland even has squirrels. Or if their clothes start to wear or rip or get outgrown, and it's Angus who has to learn how to stitch them back together or "borrow" fabric from somewhere else to lengthen everything.

They've always had a Trial and Error dynamic between them. But Angus is doing the trial and error, stumbling through it after they've already stumbled into it, and Rohan's safely learning from those mistakes on the back of Angus' examples. It's adorable in how totally bullshit it is, because even when Rohan's calling Angus dumb (affectionate), we damn well know Rohan only didn't do whatever stupid thing Angus did because Angus did it first. When there's no hindsight available, Rohan's sprinting to do that dumb thing himself ("Yay, a fancy duel! I accept, Lugad! What do you mean it's a trap?").

So if winter sneaks up one year, Rohan wouldn't know what to do. Angus would bail them out by thinking quickly, and then instantly forget about it once it was spring again. It'd be up to Rohan to remember the next year that winter is gonna screw them over for food, remind Angus, who'll go, "Oh yeah! Okay, well, here's the plan." And then the year after that, Angus is going to forget aaaall about it again, and Rohan will remember and say, "Angus, it's time to do the food plan for winter."

After a while, it'd get to be enough of a yearly routine that someone on the outside could say, "Wow, Rohan. You're so responsible. You're always taking care of that lazy friend of yours."

(i think i shared my other version of this before, the one where rohan doesn't know angus told those lies yet, and he has to deal with the guilt of letting angus making that choice on his own even though angus was also a kid. but for this scenario, i want rohan being confidently proud of his friend - and confidently proud of them being at a place in life where angus can sit around and wait for rohan to remember that oops they're gonna starve again if they don't start prepping for winter right now. i am equally obsessed with the idea of rohan trying to pay angus back for everything he did to care for them as children, by having rohan try to provide for them now as adults :3 hence my headcanon that rohan got his own hut to make sure angus had a place to stay, since rohan could've stayed with cathbad a long while yet. and that angus doesn't know that and thinks of himself as a squatter in rohan's hut :'))

I like to imagine Rohan having Angus' back against comments like that, where he either tells them, "It's not like that," or gets into a long explanation of how Angus saved them both from death's door during their first winter. I see him doing that a lot with Cathbad, who'd be losing his mind trying to understand what's to gain from having Angus around.

"Well," Rohan says, "Angus was the one who'd lie and say he already ate just so I'd eat the last scraps of food we had, because he knew there wasn't enough to share and wanted me to be the one not to starve. So if I have to be the one who remembers winter comes every year, I'll do that."

So - same concept when we're talking about their clothes: growing "snuck up" on them, and so did "roughhousing and being tiny terrors leads to ripping your clothes." Angus learns how to patch and sew, getting really good at it for how often that has to happen, but Rohan's the one who puts the pieces together on, "Hm. These clothes keep not-fitting... I think we're growing, Angus 🤔" and "My shirt feels thin at the elbows 🤔 I think it's getting a hole in it, maybe?"

In other words, Rohan's the one picking up on the pattern again. Here, the answer's just 'Hand Angus clothes, get patched clothes back,' which is why Angus is the one who's always doing it (note: Rohan would know how to sew, he can't possibly not know, if not out of necessity then at least out of curiosity, but it's definitely gonna be an Angus job. Angus - our little pickpocket - is better with his hands anyway, and I am obsessed with the idea of Rohan coming to visit him in jail one day and uhhhhhhhh shoving a ripped shirt through the bars like, "If you're not busy... 🙂" And I think Angus would find that hilariously cheeky and also be happy he's got a way to feel useful as a guest in Rohan's hut 🥲). And Rohan might even be the one to say, "We should just make a new shirt instead of patching this one up all the time," and that'd lead Angus to figure out how to find/borrow/make one.

Injuries too, definitely. With all the fun encounters Angus has with guards and people who've caught him mid-theft, I picture him getting hurt worse when he does get hurt, but Rohan jumping off of walls and picking fights and falling out of trees and getting rocks thrown at him (by request) waaaaay more often. Angus is the one reacting again, learning how to fix the part where Rohan's shoulder isn't in its shoulder-hole anymore, and learning which powders un-poison that kid when Cathbad's away for a few days and Rohan was pretty sure he'd learned to do a 'proper' spell.

... Rohan does not learn the pattern for this one. 😝 He's chaos, Angus is chaos, but Angus at least starts to get a spidey-sense for when Rohan's next move is being driven by overt overconfidence. It's the same in the show: Angus goes along with dumb plans, but he starts to voice his concern when Rohan seems eeriely sure they don't need a plan at all (see: "let's just go to the dragon first" and "i'll just leave angus tied up, garrett won't take too long to beat").

Honestly, that fight in Friends For Life could've half-been because Rohan's praised for being lucky he stayed behind and lucky he was able to fight those Temrans on his own. That luck being validated as a tactical choice was gonna go straight to his head and have him charge into a crowd twice as big next time - and lose. (Obviously the show wasn't saying all that, but it fits in pretty nicely uwu)

Dinner - and this is the last example before the actual scenes - would be the same idea. Angus and Rohan would get hungry, not have a plan, Angus would bail them out that night, and Rohan would remember they have to actually eat every day. I think they'd both learn to cook, actually. With no plan, Angus is gonna forget every night, and if he's wandered off for too long, he might not get back in time to feed widdle Rohan 🥺 So Rohan might learn in the out-of-necessity way.

But Angus likes things that are actually good, and he's comfy eating that mystery stew swearing it's good. Either of them mentioning that what they're eating doesn't taste nice would get Angus to - again - bail them out of it. He'd learn to cook intentionally, maybe even bake things over the fire, and when he goes out to hunt or forage, he's specifically looking for ingredients in a meal.

Rohan seems more like a guy who'd go, "Hey, I shot this rabbit. Can you do anything with it?" and Angus would do culinary improv, otherwise Rohan would skin it and cook it and have them eat it totally plain.

... Cleaning (LAST one). I do think Angus likes to be clean, or at least he likes the luxury of hot baths. But - like, we've seen him mix powders around. He makes lots of mess. So I'm not envisioning someone who dusts and mops and has a whole Tidy Up Day.

But! Angus does draw maps to loot he's hidden. And he crawls and climbs and navigates his way through that castle. And the only times he's been pissed about the state of the hut, it was for two decently similar things:

"I'm leaving. 😤 Because I'm enchanted and angry. 😤😤 Why can't I find any of my stuff around the hut?!"

"Of course you couldn't find your stupid cup in here. 😤 This stupid hut is a pig sty. 😤😤"

In other words, Angus likes knowing where everything is. He's not tidy, he's organized. Rohan? Apparently he's neither, assuming Cathbad was telling the truth about Rohan being a crappy apprentice.

So what's the 'problem' Angus would have to bail them out of?

On one end, probably Rohan taking things, moving them, not putting them back, and then him or Angus getting pissed when they can't find it - even though Angus knows exactly where it was supposed to be.

On the other and more immediate end, with Angus being a sneaky guy, he's definitely tried to creep quietly back into the hut at night, tripped, nearly broken his neck, and then started swearing so loud that he woke Rohan and the rest of the village up.

I get the vibe that Angus has tried setting things in order a few times before, and Rohan has given it his best effort to follow the plan... but forgot how it was supposed to be set up. Or forgotten which things were his and which were just for Angus (and which things were stolen), until Angus finally had to hide things outside of the hut and drew all those maps to keep himself organized... until others caught onto that, and he was forced to keep the really important stuff in the hut again - away from Rohan somehow.

Personally, I like to think that Angus has a highly acute way of organizing everything, knows exactly where to put it, and can find all of it at a moment's notice - but he's a thief, so he's gotten used to putting things where people wouldn't normally look, and he's a squirrel (do they have squirrels in Ireland?!), so it looks like he's just putting random shit everywhere. Like how he's looking for his stuff under Rohan's cot? That's on purpose. "They would never check his bed." And there's that idea I had that he's always reverse-pickpocketing things onto Rohan as his 'extra pockets'. 😆

But that leads to Angus being the one who knows where stuff is. Would not be surprised - would be delighted - if he's the one doing inventory on Cathbad's stuff to keep Rohan from screwing it up, and if Cathbad's had to reluctantly ask Angus at least once if he's seen such-and-such powders the last time he was rifling through Cathbad's things. But certainly any time Rohan needs something that's not obviously in plain sight - or even if it is but he's just not sure if it's 'safe' - he shouts for Angus to tell him where it is. Rohan is Angus' extra pockets, and Angus is Rohan's extra memory (you know, the guy who famously gets distracted by gold and girls all the time).

So that's how they grew up! That's their dynamic. Angus reacts and problem-solves, Rohan recognizes and repeats. Angus feels like he's earning his keep around here, and Rohan feels like Angus finally stopped thinking he has to earn anything (lol. Rofl, even).

Bring in Rohan's new life. Post-canon. Where is he?

Confidently embodying Draganta

About to learn what it's like to be a prince

Realizing he has a real mom and a real brother (feelings towards them are irrelevant) and maybe even a real dad too

Surrounded by royal friends

Eating at the king's table, and even telling others to get food and say Rohan sent them (like he did with Human!Aideen)

Free access to Cathbad's chamber

Experience leading Kells' army and telling everyone to stand down

It's impressive. Especially when that all happened because he yelled at the king lmao

What I'm picturing is that Rohan starts feeling welcomed by the others. He's Kells' champion, he's genuinely friends with the princess, so everyone expects him to be at the castle.

Deirdre and occasionally Ivar and Garrett like to talk about things royalty is expected to do - sometimes smugly. But from one royal to another royal, it's meant to be reassuring and almost ironically smug. It's something non-royals wouldn't get. After a while, Rohan (who's Maeve's son) would have one of them point out that he is a prince. Not in a flashy way, because it's not like they'd expect him to change overnight, but they'd certain start giving him advice and reassurances.

For example:

"Rohan, your shirt's ripped."

"Is it? Oh. I'll have Angus take a look at it later."

"Don't be ridiculous. We have a seamstress right here."

"... You want your seamstress to mend my shirt?"

"She'll only need a moment. You're a prince; you shouldn't be walking around with holes in your shirt."

"... Oh."

"In fact, you could do with a new shirt altogether."

"Oh, that isn't necess-"

"Call it a gift. It's a token to thank you for... well... banishing your mother. :/"

":/ I banished my mother and all I get is a shirt?"

"A nice one. 😌"

"Oh. Well, thank you. :)"

"If you have any other holes in your clothes, you can bring them over too."

"Wow. :) Well. Thank you, Deirdre."

"Of course. 😌"

Normal conversation, right? Deirdre's being nice, and only trying to get Rohan to accept her kindness by invoking the Royalty Rationalization: where you're supposed to let servants do shit for you because that's the natural order of being royalty, dw about it.

And Rohan, being new to this, would find it worth telling Angus about (SEE? He can't have any solo adventures without them involving Angus somehow 😭). He might laugh about it, and outright say, "Deirdre said I could because I'm a prince."

Angus could say, "That's clever, 'cause I was gonna ask when they'd do mine."

You know. Subconsciously noting the subtle class divide that's never previously existed. It's not enough for either of them to know it's what happened, but the words have been spoken out loud.

Here's where things deviate from usual Mean Rohan Is Mean and Does Not Appreciate How Much Angus Sacrifices for Him scenario. Normally, I'd be like, "Rohan laughs it off and they never bring it up again. It's just some unspoken privilege for Rohan now, and it doesn't bother Angus in isolation, but it's not gonna be in isolation for long."

We're not doing that. I'm bored with that. Asshole/Thoughtless!Rohan is so 2023, I just decided.

Instead, Rohan... kinda goes to bed that night thinking about this. He thinks it's nice Deirdre offered, and he's not planning to have it happen all the time. He might be a prince, but he didn't grow up as one. It'd be weird to start acting like it now. But... since Deirdre is offering, maybe he'll take her up on it.

And it's a gift, right? To thank him?

It's like the 6th century or something - these people don't have giant closets, and I only remember Rohan having three or four outfits: the red shirt with the chainmail, the yellow shirt and the... tunic thing he has at the beginning, and I think he has a blue shirt at one point. Not a lot of stuff. So bringing like six articles of clothing isn't a huge deal.

But he's wondering if he could bring - maybe... ten articles. Maybe. If that's too much, then maybe only eight.

Because he's not the only one with holes in his stuff, and Angus has been stitching both their clothes for years. It'd be a nice surprise, wouldn't it? Getting some of his things stitched too?

He finds Deirdre the next morning and asks (in that very polite, very demure way he has of asking sometimes) if it'd be too much trouble for him to bring some of Angus' things as a well. As a double-gift, if that's all right. Rohan defeated Maeve but technically Angus was the one who flew Maeve to wherever she is now, and he'll just keep rambling his way into why it would make sense until Deirdre finally cuts him off and says, "Rohan, it's fine. Of course you can. You're both welcome to anything we have. He's a knight too, and we're friends. :)"

And Rohan's obviously still thinking as a peasant, because he reflexively assumes that obviously he's not welcome to anything they have. He's a guest in the castle. But he'll accept the gift. After all, he's a prince, and he can't have holes in his shirt, right? :D

He gets his clothes sewn up. He gets Angus' clothes sewn up. Surprisingly, he sees the seamstress start to cut up spots that weren't ripped, but when he asks, she says there were actually stitches there as well. Apparently Angus is quite good at mending tears, because Rohan didn't even know those parts were mended. But he isn't as good as the seamstress, who spotted the handiwork clear as day. She reopens them to mend them again, this time making them invisible, as is simply expected when handling royalty's clothes.

And there's - uh... a lot to mend. Angus' clothes are thicker and don't get scuffed up nearly as much as Rohan's do, so Angus' hardly need a fraction of the work. But the seamstress gets to one of Rohan's shirts and asks if this is the one he's going to replace. There wasn't any talk about replacing a shirt, and it takes Rohan a while to realize this is the polite way of telling a prince that their shirt sucks and it's more holes than fabric, get a new one.

Rohan meekly says to skip mending that one, and when Deirdre asks later if it's all finished, Rohan mentions this. To which Deirdre rolls her eyes and tells Rohan he can have a new shirt, to which Rohan asks if this is the same as the new shirt she said he was getting, to which Deirdre says obviously not 🙄, because Rohan's shirts take two seconds to sew so this one doesn't count.

"You're a prince, Rohan. When I say you're getting a new shirt, I mean a nice one. With nice fabric. Replacing one of yours isn't even something you should have to decide."

It's a neat little moment, where the 'yours' calls back to the class divide that has always existed. A year ago, Rohan might have thought she was insulting him. Now, though, knowing he's royalty as well... he starts to understand the joke. The irony in saying his 'peasant shirts' are so easy to replace is her way of emphatically inviting him to accept the offer, because surely he can understand the difference between a 'nice' shirt - requiring effort and time and also permission - and one of 'his' shirts, which he has an open door to ask for any time he'd like.

It's odd, because it does feel reassuring. Something about it makes him understand that he isn't imposing or stepping out of line. He's still nervous, and he isn't planning to make this a habit, but he finally accepts that he doesn't need to grovel over it.

Although the smile on Deirdre's face implies the grovelling's appreciated, only because it emphatically shows his gratitude.

He gets it. He's never seen the dynamic revealed before, but he suddenly understands how the formality means nothing and yet everything all at once. There's an oddly special sincerity in him being so shy to take these favours when he's supposed to be "of the class" that wouldn't think twice about it.

If trucks existed, the contrast would've hit him like one when he returned to the seamstress to find Ivar casually describing the detailed shape of new socks to her.

Rohan didn't even know socks had other shapes than 'sock'.

He gets a new shirt. :)

... And it takes some awkward conversation with Ivar and very little eye contact with the seamstress before he can ask for a second one for Angus.

Rohan's delighted to surprise Angus with everything. Angus is delighted too - first, that Deirdre even let his clothes in the castle, and second, that the royal court seamstress made him a shirt. He's not even royal! It's hilarious! But it's greatly appreciated, because Rohan could've easily not bothered.

And again, it's not quite speaking to their new class divide. Angus isn't grovelling. He's thanking Rohan the same as if it'd been birthday. There's a thrill to that, knowing Rohan didn't have to wait for a birthday. Or for any special occasion. He wanted a shirt for him and Angus, and Rohan got those shirts. It was nerve-wracking, so he can't play it off like Deirdre would by saying it's a trivial thing for him to do. But he does take joy in knowing he got to 'cheat' a bit by having a special occasion on a regular day. The thrill of that is mutually understood.

But there's the divide. The beginning of the separation. This is going to be - someday - normal for Rohan. And it's going to still be a big surprise for Angus. That thought's not consciously in their heads, but if they knew what each other was thinking, Angus would be amazed Rohan was already puzzling over when the 'next time' would be, while Angus had naturally assumed there wouldn't be a next time at all. One of them is royal. One of them isn't.

One of them had learned that socks could be tailored to a person's foot.

One of them was still shocked his clothes were mended, not burned.

It stops being in isolation.

Food.

That's the thing that gives it away.

Rohan and Angus have both gotten used to be being invited to eat at the king's table. They're Mystic Knights, and it lets them discuss their next move.

They are not used to being invited for breakfast "just because."

Rohan's not sure what he thought was exactly happening in the castle. Ivar and Garrett stayed there; they weren't exactly kicked out to find their own breakfast. But he assumed they had to be with the king or at least the princess to eat in the throne room. He was shocked to find that no, Ivar and Garrett could eat there whenever they wanted.

"Obviously," Garrett said, continuing a pattern with that word, "not when there's a meeting. But you know that. You've been in the throne room before by yourself."

To walk in, to pass through, to speak with someone, perhaps even to unwind with the others... but never to eat there as if he had any ownership over the room.

"I understand," Garrett said. "Kells' castle is impractically small. In every other castle I've lived in, meals are served in their own room, and the throne room is reserved for matters of importance. But there's nowhere else to put the table."

And Garrett punctuates that with a shrug, as if his statement excused everything.

Ivar invites him to breakfast the next morning. Deirdre hears about it and asks if she can come to. Rohan is horrified to hear Garrett and Ivar explain that no, Deirdre can't come, because this is to teach Rohan that he's allowed to be in there without her or the king.

The class divide opens up, and this time in a new. The very horror he had gets addressed, but as its own formality. Ivar and Garrett are royalty, but it's her castle. If they're going to have a party without her, the least they could do is inconvenience themselves.

They settle on saying they'll be up at dawn - far too early to drag the princess out - and that it's all so they can get a brisk air to fully wake them before they train. Obviously, they would not exclude the princess from her own castle. It's simply so inconvenient that it'd be rude to impose an invitation.

It's all so self-aware. Rohan's seeing the inside of the joke revealing itself.

And he wouldn't have given it any other thought (at that moment at least) if Deirdre hadn't casually asked if Angus was going.

They laughed, understanding that Angus would never get up that early. Not to train.

But that's not what they said.

Self-aware again, speaking in formalities again, Ivar said, "You know Angus." And while he transitioned to inviting both Angus and Deirdre to join them later, Rohan was caught by what that really meant.

'Angus has a habit of sneaking into places he's not supposed to be, so he doesn't need an invitation. It wouldn't be a surprise to see him there. It wouldn't be a surprise not to see him.'

'Angus has a habit of sneaking in.'

'Angus would be sneaking in.'

In the moment, Rohan decides not to dwell on that. Later, he starts to think it's nothing... terrible. Later still, he almost thinks it's a compliment. Not everyone gets to sneak in and eat at the king's table but not get in trouble for it. Everyone knows he's a part of their team. He's their friend. He's welcome.

When he speaks to Angus that night, he knows he's almost convinced himself. It's maybe why he wants to go out of his way to say it to Angus, and prove that it really isn't a big deal.

"Do you want to come too?"

Rohan hasn't said Deirdre wouldn't be there, only that Ivar and Garrett would be. He doesn't think it'll spark anything. After all, a prince is a prince. Ivar and Garrett are there, so it means they already asked for permission.

"When is it?"

"Early."

Angus doesn't like that answer.

"You could bring me something back," Angus tries to negotiate.

"I'm not going to stuff pastries down my pants for you," Rohan says. He leaves out adding that it's more than enough to be sitting there without the king or the princess.

"I would," Angus sings.

And that's because that's Angus.

He has a habit of sneaking into places he's not supposed to.

"I don't want your pants-pastries," Rohan says.

Angus enjoys that answer very much.

Rohan brings something back. But he gets it from the cook afterwards. Taking it from the king's table feels like stealing, but asking for it afterwards... It's simply asking for a favour. There's no reason the cook wouldn't do him such a trivial favour.

He starts to see it for what it is: a table. Deirdre's table, but a table nonetheless. Once, the king arrived as Rohan and Ivar were eating there, and joined them. Another time, he and Garrett ate in Garrett's room, simply so they wouldn't be interrupted by anyone else.

And when Angus was there, no one questioned it.

It was Angus. They all knew Angus. And the thought of someone questioning his place here was an insult to them all.

When Angus purposely took extras to have for lunch later, they allowed it by ignoring it. After all, that's just how Angus was: always sneaking food.

It was almost funny that he was doing it. Didn't he know he could sneak in for lunch, too?

No. Obviously not. Because after they'd patrolled and noticed it was lunch, he and Angus instinctively parted ways to eat at home. This was normal. This was what they always did. But now Rohan saw the class divide raw and exposed.

Deirdre, Ivar and Garrett would be eating together at the castle.

To them, he and Angus were choosing to eat at the hut. Away from them. And while it might have meant excluding three of their friends, those friends couldn't simply invite themselves over. He and Angus weren't prepared to feed five mouths. It made sense to exclude them anyway, because he and Angus were best friends, and why wouldn't they want to have lunch at home and uninterrupted?

The truth was he and Angus hadn't known they could go to the castle too.

... Rohan felt foolish for it now. Like he hadn't realized he'd been excluding anybody. How could he? They were royalty! He couldn't just go and join them for a meal when he felt like it.

Except that he could. He was royalty as well.

And...

Well.

They knew Angus. It wouldn't be a surprise either way.

The others were pleasantly surprised when Rohan and Angus walked in for lunch after all.

Rohan spent some of it wondering when the next time would be.

Angus did not seem to realize it was something worth wondering about.

(I'm gonna come back and finish this later. I'm sleepy. uwu)

(edit: okay i'm back)

There's a new set of rules Rohan learns over time: what he's allowed to ask for, what's simply assumed he can have or do, what favours others can refused without malice, and what favours had better have a damn good reason to decline. The power it gives him doesn't take as much getting used to as he thought it would; he just has to be polite, and realize that every time he asks for something now, someone else might get in trouble for saying no.

It's the opposite of how things used to be, where there'd be punishments for saying yes and giving food or favours to peasants without permission. But the concept's the same. He doesn't ask for something they shouldn't give him, and if they quietly slip him something nice (like a warning to not request whatever it was he wanted), he takes it. They were putting their livelihoods on the line to refuse a prince at all - the same as getting caught giving table scraps to common orphans.

He barely asks for anything, of course. He doesn't need anything. Treats and snacks for Angus, maybe something brought back for dinner if Rohan suddenly decided to stay instead of heading back to the hut. It makes up for Angus having to wait to start dinner, just to find that Rohan had eaten already anyway.

Before anyone's patience ran thin at that (especially Angus, who got sour when he was too hungry), Rohan started making changes. If he was going to eat at the castle, they were all going to be there. It was thing to leave the other three out over a misunderstanding, but he couldn't accept leaving out his best friend over the same thing.

So, If he was eating at the castle, he'd find a way to let Angus know. If it meant walking all the way back to the hut to get him, fine. If it meant leaving a note and having Angus catch up with them later, that was alright too. And if they just wanted (or needed) to eat back at the hut by themselves, Rohan would find something for the night. Angus was fine with whatever; he just wanted food.

They could've kept going like this for ages - and Rohan fully intended to in the spring - but it was getting to the time of year where they had to stock up for winter. He mentioned this to Deirdre offhandedly, while he was getting up to meet Angus for exactly that.

Deirdre had had a thoughtful look on her face for a moment.

She had it covered away in the next with a smile.

And she had it revealed in full the day after. She'd talked to her father, she said. With Rohan being the warrior Draganta - and the who'd ended the war - it seemed improper to let him stay out all winter again. Politically so, perhaps, if Temra ever caught word of how Kells was treating their prince. So why not take one of the spare rooms in the castle?

Just for the winter, she repeated. Kells only had so many rooms available.

The slight wince she made saying that gave the divide away again. If Rohan were a 'real' prince, he supposed he'd be offended at the thought of 'taking' a room away from a future, possible, more royal-er guest. But he wasn't, and getting to have a room at all was wildly generous of her. She was glowing with pride at being allowed to offer it - which, he understood, was why she hadn't brought it up yesterday. She needed to make sure the king would approve.

... Speaking of approvals...

"That's very, very nice of you, princess," Rohan said, with his own wince brewing.

"But?"

"But..." There was that power, and he was here on the peasant side. It put him on the verge of refusing royalty, and if he did it for a bad reason, he'd find out fast how 'real' of a prince he wasn't. "... It'd leave Angus alone. I can't leave him in the hut by himself."

The best way to refuse wasn't to refuse. It was to think up an inconvenience their great princess could accept was impossible to overcome.

"Well, unfortunately," Deirdre said, "we don't have two rooms available."

"Aw. That's alrigh-"

"But he can stay with you," Deirdre said. "You two share a hut already. You can share a room with him for a few months."

"And you'd be fine with that," he challenged, curious. "No one would mind him hanging about the castle all day?"

"It's Angus," Deirdre said. "He's here all day anyway. I don't think anyone's ever had luck in keeping him out." She paused. "And if he causes trouble, that's his private room."

A cell.

Fair enough.

"I'll ask him about it," he said. She looked disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm. "Truly, princess, it's very kind of you. But I don't know that he can last that long without causing any trouble."

Equally as fair. That would be their safe way to decline: pin it on Angus giving everybody a headache. It didn't matter if he would or not. It didn't matter if Rohan was practically just as bad. Rohan was a prince. Angus wasn't.

He'd meant it, though. He was going to ask Angus the next time they talked. Did they want to stay at the castle this winter?

"Not with Cathbad," Rohan said, cutting in before Angus made a face. "Deirdre said we'd have our own room. You and me would have to share, but we do that already. She'll even let you have your cell if you don't want to share."

"Hm. That's nice of her." A good answer. A positive one. Angus seemed to be mulling it over, and didn't entirely think it was some elaborate trap. Entirely. He still asked, "Why're we getting our own room?"

"Well -" He could've said a hundred different things. Rohan could have picked so many other ways of saying it, but he picked the one that had - at last - snapped the pieces into place. "- I'm Draganta."

Always, always, always in the past, Angus could've pushed back at that or laughed at him. 'Aren't you special,' perhaps. 'I'm a knight too,' if he was feeling snappy.

But that didn't work anymore.

This was their first time noticing.

Because if Angus tried saying anything about Rohan being Draganta, Rohan could instantly counter by saying he was a prince.

There was nothing either one of them could say to get around that fact.

"Right," Angus said instead, having done the same math and getting Rohan's answer. "You are." And then that had to hang for a while, looming as they awkardly adjusted to the weight of that news. "... Glad it's paying off."

"Yeah," Rohan said. "There's benefits."

Then that had to hang there, too.

"I'll think it over," Angus replied at last. "Winter's long."

Then he walked off before Rohan could answer.

'Winter's long'? What did that mean?

"You can say no if you don't want to," Rohan muttered.

... Well.

Assuming Angus didn't want to.

Winter was long. That couldn't be helped. And Angus didn't technically say 'no'.

"I'll give him some time to think," he said to himself.

Yeah. Yeah, Rohan would wait for a while. Angus probably just wanted to plan how to survive being trapped with all of them. It wouldn't make sense to refuse otherwise.

[raz-b-rose]

Tmnt 2k3 character study: Leo

Leo is not a stick in the mud.

Leo is simply acting as an older sibling that has taken on a self-placed responsibility. I should know, I'm the oldest of 7. So this will be a little self reflective as well, because I’ve always seen so much of myself in Leo I cringe lol. 

As the oldest (self-imposed or not), Leo feels this pressure to help Splinter with the boys. He wants to make things easier for Splinter by taking some of the responsibility off his shoulders. If his brothers are behaving through his involvement, then Splinter can relax. Or at least thats the hopeful mindset. 

As he grows older, he gets more bossy and mildly aggressive (ie annoyed) because his brothers actions start to affect what he wants to do, how he thinks things should go, and basically mess up all these unspoken plans he has. 

Raph being one more likely to act on what he’s feeling in the moment and Leo one to more carefully consider and be as responsible as possible can cause some strife between them. However, Leo has a really good read on his brothers and their ticks. He knows what he needs to say and do to reassure and motivate them.

Since he took on this responsibility so young, his brothers follow his lead, trusting in his level head and quick thinking, having grown up with it as well, it makes all of their roles second nature. Raph takes on almost a-second-in-command type role but he functions more as a shield than additional leadership, while Donnie is actually that second voice of reason and Mikey is the flexible rear.

During their final battle with the Shredder, we see Leo take it far more personally than the others, even Splinter. That self imposed standard of perfection and the weight of his families wellbeing placed on his shoulders by no one but himself takes a a heavy toll after their almost self sacrifice to rid the world of the Shredder. 

He ends up places all the blame on himself, this affecting his mood, mental and physical rest and relationships. He gets tunnel vison on a  good thing turning it toxic. He starts to push what was once his internal expectations onto his brothers. His intensity mixed with his self hatred and frustration causes him to lash out constantly, then during training with Splinter. 

When Usagi comes to visit, someone who has always understood him where his brothers didn’t always, we see the true extent of his inner battle. He blinds himself to his unhealthy habits until the Ancient ones unconventional approach helps him to calm down and learn true humility.

Up to this point, you could feel his naivety (City at War) with fights and their enemies (Kari, Zixx, Hun, but the biggest surprise is Bishop) always hoping for the best and trying to honorably win each fight and give some dignity to their enemies, and even their own, defeats. As we all know and love he lives his life by the Bushido code. (Justice, courage, compassion, respect, integrity, honor, loyalty and self- control.)

He strives to give each person these actions and live by these attributes. However you can see where he loses his grip on his values during his growing period. It is after his return that you can see him find a serenity, and reaffirm his core values in the Bushido Code. He has learned valuable lessons and grown into himself. (One of my more favorite coming of age plots)

His dedication to ninjutsu comes off as ridged and boring, however that level of dedication for so long speaks volumes to his drive and and strength of will. The ability to work hard for so long has become enjoyable for him. Sharing his knowledge and values brings him great joy. Being kind and giving people the opportunity to prove his initial perceptions wrong (his dark clone) is one of his best traits and certainty not the weakness Raph and Don can see it as. Mikey almost shares the sentiment but he also doesn't enjoy getting thrown around too often, so hes more cautious to being “bitten twice”. 

Also remember he’s still a teenager (albeit a very serious and ninja nerd teenager) so he does enjoy video games and sports with his brothers (Like “training” exercises being tag, hide and seek, water balloons). He especially enjoys his time with Splinter, that can turn into meditation but still time with his dad. Time that becomes even more special after his lack of efficient mediation during his “angst” period. (Y’all really like the angsty boys lol) 

We get to see Leo grow through all 7 season, taking hold of what was once a self-placed responsibility but soon turned into an agreed upon role with his family. He learns that growth never stops, mistakes are simply learning moments, and he learns to trust in his brothers skills, ability to defend themselves and each other, know that it takes more than just his efforts to keep them whole. (the power of family!) 

He’s cheesy (his one liners feeling so out of place with his normal serious demeanor), he’s a respectful young man and truly talented in his ninjutsu. A true leader. 

[bigassheart]

I’ve seen a couple posts about how everyone was wildly out of character and totally inconsistent this season and I’m just like... were you guys paying attention? 

1. Luther

Arguably the biggest shift in character between the two seasons, but it makes sense. Luther spent a year fending for himself and thinking his entire family was dead. 

This is the first time in his life that he had to hold down a job and actually live on his own. It was literally his first time living out in the world among anyone other than his family, and you can see in his reactions with the other characters from that life (the boss, his landlord, those kids that idolize him, and the waitress) that it has really mellowed him out. It has allowed him to be more normal, despite being very much not normal. You can see the way he’s so much more comfortable in his skin. Literally the only times he looks uncomfortable is when he’s fighting people, shirt off and body on full display. He’s still not comfortable with that, but he’s not trying to hide under huge overcoats anymore. He has people in his life who accept him for being a little weird, but really do treat him normal. 

So is he a little less uptight and mission focused? Yeah. Because he can finally see another life, and it’s the life that he honestly did want in season 1 but felt like he couldn’t have because he was number 1 and he had a responsibility to his dad, his family, and the academy to be the leader. Having a year on his own frees him of all that. 

But he also spent all that time thinking his family was dead and feeling so guilty about it. You can see in his very first interaction with Vanya, where he suddenly feels that responsibility again. He brings a gun, not knowing what’s going to happen and, despite what he told Five, he absolutely does still have that lingering feeling of responsibility. But then he sees Vanya and she’s not a threat and everything he has been holding in for the last year comes out. Because he does feel guilty as hell for what he did to Vanya, but also for the fact that his actions pushed her into causing the apocalypse. He spent a year with the knowledge that he did that and thinking that his family was dead because of his actions. 

He’s willing to listen now because he spent a year living in a world where his actions killed his whole family. And now he finds out that that didn’t happen and he has a second chance. Of course he’s going to take it! 

2. Diego

In the first season, Diego finally admitted that he wanted to be close to his family and that he cared about them and wouldn’t leave them again. He confronted the guilt about leaving, which he had previously denied. He realized the difference between revenge and honoring someone’s memory. But despite all that, he never confronted the reason why he, a grown-ass-man, wandered around the city as a leather clad, mask wearing vigilante. 

So when we see Diego show up in 1963, that’s still who he is. He wants to be that hero and he finds an answer for how to be that hero in the first several minutes that he’s there. So he takes it. I mean, what else is he going to do? His family is gone. Maybe they’ll show up again. Maybe this is it. Either way, he’s on his own like he was before, so he’s got a duty to be the hero he has chosen to be. 

And then he meets his dad again. Everyone keeps telling him he has daddy issues, and they’re right. He absolutely has daddy issues. He’s still trying to simultaneously prove that he’s good enough for his dad, but also doesn’t need Daddy’s approval. Except he does need it. He still desperately craves it and he feels gutted when his dad denies him that approval, even falling back into the stutter he had as a kid. 

Now, despite the way we joke, Diego is not dumb. He is so observant and he makes some of the most poignant statements about his siblings and the way they see the world. He sees the people around them and he understands them, but he has never been able to completely turn that gift inwards and see those same things in himself. In this season, Lila breaks through all that and he finally sees himself in her at the end. 

“Do you know how hard it is to trust people when your whole childhood was bullshit manipulation? Then why would you do that to me?”  

Diego sees himself in Lila, in her failure to break away from her mother despite the fact that he knows she wants to. In the final episode, he sees that she is just like the rest of the siblings, but she doesn’t have to be. None of them have to be stuck with their daddy issues, because they have each other. They can support and care for each other. It’s the last step of the growth he started in season 1, moving beyond his tendency to define his life and his family through their father. 

3. Allison

Throughout season 1, Allison struggled with whether or not to use her powers, but it was all centered around getting back to her daughter. When she appears in 1961, that motivation is effectively removed. She thinks everyone else is dead. She thinks that she is stranded in the past and that she will never get back. She finds a group of people to support her and before long... she finds her voice again. 

It’s no coincidence that Allison’s first spoken words in the series come right after she gives Ray that pamphlet with a bunch of added notes. She finds her voice in the civil rights movement. She finds her power there. She finds a way to help change the world, to change reality, and she does it without her powers. 

This is something she struggled with through the entirety of season 1, feeling inadequate for using her powers to get what she wanted, not knowing if anything was real or earned. Now she has the chance to earn everything without those powers and she is thriving. 

And then she is forced to use her powers again. It all turns out fine, but now she’s showing off and experiencing all over again how good it feels to have power. She spent two years in a world where she was denied equal treatment, where she could be arrested and assaulted for any reason those with more power came up with. And now she feels that power... She doesn’t have to wait for people to give her respect. She can demand it. But the pain is still there, and it’s not enough to just be respected, because these people have hurt her. They almost killed her husband. They have used their power to cause pain to her and all those who look like her time and time again and now it’s time to understand what it’s like to be powerless, to be hurt and to be unable to stop it and... 

And it’s scary. It’s scary to have that much power, to see how you could become the kind of person who uses your power to hurt others. And she knows that her power has hurt people she loves and suddenly she’s right back where she started. 

Only not entirely. 

She doesn’t shy away from her powers in the final fight. She is obviously still finding that balance and I would expect this struggle to continue for her in future seasons. Power can be addicting and Allison’s power is so strong. She knows the danger there, but she also knows that sometimes it’s needed despite the danger. 

4. Klaus

Klaus is an addict. He finds obsessions to bury himself in to avoid dealing with reality. In season 1, he buried himself in drugs and booze. When he shows up in the 60′s, he finds a new drug to bury himself in: adoration. 

Klaus is so impulsive and it’s not difficult to connect the dots of how one thing leads to another until suddenly everything is out of his control. Honestly, that’s the story of Klaus’s life, no matter where he goes. And then something changes. He gets tired of his cult and leaves. Except... that’s not really the reason. 

After all this time, Dave is still the love of his life, and he knows he has an opportunity. He knows where Dave will be at this one time and he knows exactly what he has to change to keep Dave alive. 

He also knows that Ben is going to have thoughts about this. 

I know some people were disappointed that there wasn’t more Klaus and Ben bonding this season, but it makes sense that there is tension there. I think a lot of that tension comes from Ben’s circumstances, which I’ll discuss later, but Klaus is also not responding to that tension well. 

They are fighting more than ever (not that they ever didn’t fight in season 1, where they spent much of their time being snarky to each other and Ben literally punching Klaus in the face for being an asshole), but the fighting is about something new this season. Ben wants his own life and Klaus is not in a position to give Ben what he really wants. We also learn that he has been carrying around this guilt for the last 17 years about forcing Ben to stick around as a ghost. He forced this half-life on his brother and now that it’s not enough for Ben, Klaus doesn’t want to deal with it. So he avoids and deflects and snarks and we see the toll on their relationship. We see it in the way he tries to deal with his plans around Dave entirely on his own. He focuses so much into that last ditch effort. He’s already in such a low place before this, so when that fails, we see him snap. We see him give up and crumble. And Ben falls back to his old role, trying to save Klaus from himself. 

But the tension isn’t gone and Klaus’s guilt isn’t gone. We see it again when Klaus finally agrees to let Ben possess him. Klaus has always been afraid of his powers and being possessed is just as terrifying a thought as being surrounded by the dead. And yet he gives Ben that chance. It’s the last good thing he can do at that point. 

I do wish we had gotten more closure for Klaus and Ben’s story. I think Vanya’s reveal could have been given a little more time, but that’s not really a problem with inconsistent characterization, so we’ll save that for another post. 

5. Five

OK, who would argue that Five was out of character or inconsistent? He’s obsessed with stopping the apocalypse, is willing to cross a lot of lines to save his family, and constantly frustrated by his family’s failure to go along with his plans. This is textbook Five. 

What I loved about this season was that we got to see Five finally meeting his father again. They interact as two adults, not as a child trying to find away to become his own person, frustrated by a lack of trust from his father. It allows Reggie to see Five in a different light and to actually provide advice in a constructive way, something he has almost never been able to do when viewing them as his children. But despite outward appearances and despite the fact that Five is a grown man, he still sees his father the same way he always has. He doesn’t register Reggie’s advice as advice. He hears that he’s striving beyond his abilities and that maybe he can only travel in seconds. He hears his father telling him he can’t handle time travel. That’s why he doesn’t try to actually take the very good advice until the very end.  

An old dog can still occasionally learn a new trick and Five proves that true. 

6. Ben

As I mentioned earlier, Ben is chaffing at his ghosthood. Maybe it’s because Klaus has been sober enough to keep Ben around solidly for 3 years. Maybe it’s because Ben is no longer spending all his time trying to keep Klaus alive and sober. Or maybe it’s the fact that he has finally found someone that he actually wants to spend time with. Whatever the reason, Ben wants to be alive this season. 

Again, as I mentioned, that’s causing some tension. Ben doesn’t want to be tied to Klaus, but Klaus is ignoring that because he feels so guilty about it. Ben doesn’t want to admit that he was too scared to go into the light on his own, so they’re at a bit of a standstill. 

And then Ben gets the opportunity to be alive again, if only for a while. And in a lot of ways, it’s wonderful! But it’s not the same as being truly alive. 

So when the time comes, when he’s faced with that light again... he’s not afraid. He knows that it’s time to move on. He knows this isn’t where he should be, but he also got the chance to be there for his family. He misses them, but he got to talk to Diego and Vanya. He got to save Vanya. He got to save Allison and Diego and Klaus and Luther and Five and the whole world! So while he would have stayed, he’s not sad about leaving anymore, and he’s not afraid. 

7. Vanya

OK, she was a little out of character because... you know. She had amnesia. 

But aside from erasing her past, the amnesia allowed us to see Vanya without the anger and resentment that plagued her for all of season one. Vanya was always someone who was kind and loving, someone who cares enough to leave peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches out for a missing brother for years. Someone who knows the pain of not being seen and who will always take the time to truly see other people. She’s someone who wants to love and to be loved and to protect those she loves. 

That was all here, with or without the memories. And as soon as the memories came back, so did the guilt and fear about what she had done, what she had become, terrified of what was inside her in a way that she was not when her powers first surfaced. But Ben is used to being afraid of what’s inside of him. He knows she’s not a monster and is the perfect person to explain that to her. And this time around, she has experienced the love and care and attention of her siblings (and Sissy) to back up those words. That’s how she finally accepts them as truth, how she finally accepts her power as a part of her. 

Overall, there are things that I wish this season spent more time with, but there was nothing that I felt was out of character or wildly inconsistent. The characters still struggled with all the baggage from their shitty childhood, their fear of their powers, and the guilt in their past. Some struggled in new ways this season and some continued old struggles that had never fully been resolved. The season felt very different than the first, but it still felt like the Umbrella Academy. It was a good mix of new and old and a good mix of feel-good moments we have all been waiting for and frustrating and sad moments that just come with having a complicated family. I loved this season. And now, I’m going to go re-watch every episode. 

[charlie-rulerofhell]

Viserys‘s letter

"Though time and circumstance have seen us estranged, know that it is not my desire to see you fail in your cause. It is instead my hope that this aid will deliver the victory that has thus far evaded us."

So I have talked about this in tags before, but I wanted to put it here as an individual post, too, because I didn‘t see many people talk about this, some even being confused by Daemon‘s harsh reaction to receiving the letter. And I know we all love to joke about Daemon‘s primary motivation being spite (and it is definitely true to some extent) — but with Viserys‘s letter the situation is a little different.

Because this letter really was a solid slap in the face.

(book-spoiler free, haven‘t read the book myself yet)

I‘m sure Viserys only has good intentions (he says so himself and we got to believe him there, that he just wants the best for Daemon and prays for him to return safely). But for Daemon this letter must feel like the biggest provocation imaginable. For three whole years, Daemon has fought in the Stepstones, risking his life every single day just to prove himself to the world and to his brother. For three whole years, Viserys didn‘t care to write (that we know of), didn‘t send any help prior to this, probably didn‘t invite Daemon for his wedding or his son‘s birthday, first and second nameday, didn‘t send a fucking christmas present. Daemon‘s major drive to fight in the first place was that he felt neglected and forgotten, especially by his brother, and despite all his efforts, Viserys just ignores him further. (Yes, Viserys had his own battles to fight at court, facing manipulation from all sides there, but that is none of Daemon‘s business, so quite frankly: why should he care?). And then when Viserys finally writes, it‘s a declaration of aid. Not even an offering — he doesn‘t ask Daemon (or Corlys) if they NEED help, no, he has decided to provide it himself, because he sees all of Daemon‘s efforts of three years as a 'fail in his cause', and that helping him would be the only way for them to achieve victory. It‘s hard to imagine how devastating that must feel for Daemon, after having spent so much time, being exhausted and wounded and fucking terrified, all to get just the tiniest bit of appreciation from his brother. And then he gets this. The first notice after three years. A reminder of his failure.

And then there is Daemon‘s reputation on the line. Yes, we know Daemon doesn‘t mind his reputation involving one or two scanals, but Viserys‘s offer would make him lose way more than just his good name. As impressive as it is that Daemon (and Corlys) could motivate their men for so long in the first place (they too risked a lot following two people without the king‘s leave into battle, knowing that they probably can‘t expect any form of support from the crown, and yet they stayed and fought, seeing so many or their people die in a seemingly hopeless war), but now they have grown weary. So by the start of the episode we see their resentmemt, as they challenge Daemon‘s qualities as a leader. After these years of having no end in sight, word spreads more and more that to follow Daemon might not be the best choice. Accepting Viserys‘s offer to help him, would only prove that he is just what his men accuse him to be. An incompetent leader that can only win with the help of his brother, the king. A weak warrior that overestimates his own strength and wit, and thus failed tremendously. And above that, what would the people in the kingdom say? How would they perceive him afterwards? The king‘s disappointment of a brother. His claim as heir of anything shredded forever. The embarrassment of the family.

Viserys wanted Daemon to not risk his life any further, but by sending this letter he actually forced him to do just the opposite. Because the consequences for giving in to his brother would be a way bigger loss for Daemon than dying honourably in a one-man suicide mission on the battlefield.

[inquisitorius-sin-bin]

Hhhh I was halfway through writing my response when my post got wiped let's try this again!

Hi yes!!! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!! I was worried about taking things in this direction but it felt appropriate, and consistent with where the characters were at the end of Ride or Die (before the time skip of the Epilogue).

These two are so fucked up and I'm loving it 🖤

On to the commentary:

Dralla's primary motivator at the moment definitely seems to be her loneliness. When she came to Utapau, she had lost her Jedi family and found another. Now after nearly two decades with that family, she has lost them. She's struggling with her sense of place and her identity after that, and she desperately needs Tsino and Theo to step up into that role for her.

Theo at least, is rising to the occassion. When we first saw the two of them together, he was rough and dismissive of her because she presented a threat to his relationship to his son. Now she has had the opportunity to prove herself. When Tsino's life was on the line, she was his most passionate defender, even if she went a little too far in her efforts. She kept secrets and lied on his behalf. That's going to go a long way in ingratiating herself with Theo, and now that he has accepted her into his family, he's going to do his best to shape her and protect her as he sees fit.

He is stern, and certainly authoritative. He will still be quick to correct her if she falls out of line. But he is also ready to support her as well. I thought his words when he offered her the seeds were particularly touching. Along the lines of, "I cannot give you spiritual guidance anymore because we are not protected by the Spirits. But I am going to offer you this comforting thought."

The idea that the seeds that sprouted when Talia found out she was Grounded with Tsino were planted in the field these seeds came from is a beautiful image, and a good way to connect Dralla to her new family and the generations that came before her on her mate's side.

Tsino on the other hand... I can't imagine he is well prepared for this situation. I think her attachment terrifies him. He specifically worried that her fall to the dark side would represent a temptation for him, so he is intentionally distancing himself from her. He's only trying to connect with her in methods taught to him by the Jedi but he is woefully rigid in that practice. I'd suggest that maybe... the Grand Inquisitor... the fallen Temple Guard... doesn't have the most nuanced grasp on the Force and how to navigate the temptations of the dark side.

In reality, she experiences the most balance and clarity when she feels that emotional connection to her planet and her family. Her loneliness is the main source of her pain right now. Obviously her resentment towards the Empire is an underlying issue that can be balanced or managed in the ways he suggests, but she needs a sense of belonging, and she feels that when she feels kinship with other Plainsmen.

For him, I think he is mostly okay with their situation just being the three of them. These are the two people he has accepted because of their shared devotion to him, and he's doing well without having to live under the veil of secrecy all the time. Planning to fight the Empire, getting his armor back, surviving the day to day, those are all strengths of his. Where his biggest weakness lies is his fears.

Giving back in to the dark side. What happens once the Empire really comes looking for him? Will they send Darth Vader? And then Dralla's illness brings a brand new anxiety into the mix, one far more personal.

He was okay with having a child in the group setting of the clan. It would please his mate and his father, and they'd have an entire village to raise his child for him. They are fairly remote, so the chances of being discovered are slim. Now that there are only three of them, that reality is far more frightening. This forces his involvement, and even worse- he knows exactly who comes after Force sensitive children. He has to face what he has done to others. He has to confront his past as a Temple Guard when he was supposed to protect children, his failures, the bastardization of his task. And once Vader and the Inquisitors come hunting his child, will he survive? Will his family survive? That wasn't clear in Dralla's vision, she only saw herself and the child.

So this scene at the end- obviously he needed to meditate just so much as Dralla did, but he got caught up in rewarding her for doing what he wanted (by the way this is textbook manipulation, whether he is conscious of his actions or not), he opened himself up to his emotional vulnerabilities. He got truly intimate with her, not just physically, but emotionally, and the results are kind of disturbing.

In the end, she is satisfied, because that kind of intimacy is what she has wanted from him, but he is left bothered by his own outburst. He lost emotional control, and for him, that's a deeply troubling sign.

I hope our little comedies of how to navigate privacy and intimacy on a camping trip in the wilds helped offset the dark subject matter just enough without trivializing them. I love when Tsino tries to convince his dad to stay close because he is worried about his safety, and Theo says, "um,,, absolutely not".

It makes me wonder what Tsino's plan actually was. He was clearly very wound up going under the wing with her, but maybe he actually was planning to meditate before he changed his mind 🤣.

Anyways, thank you for your comments as always! I hope you enjoy Chapter 2 just as much!

Fly or Fall

Volume 2 of the Ride or Die Series

18+ Only Grand Inquisitor x F!Reader

Description: Banishment does not suit you. You were reborn to Utapau a Plainsman, and a Plainsman you will be again, once you have purged your enemies from the land.

Before, you had shown the First Brother what it meant to be a part of this planet. Now, you must recapture that for yourself, or you risk losing everything you are to darkness.

Content Warnings: Graphic Sexual Content, Vaginal Fingering, Pregnancy, Emotional Manipulation, Unhealthy Relationships

Current Word Count: 7378

Chapter 1: Rye Seeds

Working Glossary

[lilac-5ky]

If Shouyou never got captured and killed, what do you think Takasugi would be?

This is one hell of an interesting question that I've wondered about countless of times tbh, so I'll try to share my thoughts as best as I can. (note: I just finished Rakuyo arc so maaaybe I'm slightly off about certain things)

WARNING: INCREDIBLY LONG POST BASED ON PERSONAL SPECULATIONS

Before I can talk about what would become of Takasugi, I need to first assess the overall situation when it comes to the war and his friends, because without figuring out those, developing a solid theory will be hard to do.

Assuming that Shouyou doesn't get captured and killed, would the boys still join the war? To answer this, let's look back at this scene between Gin and Shinsuke.

Shinsuke asks Gin a question that neither of them are able to answer, only to bring up Shouyou a second later. Even when they don't know the reason why they fight for, their common point is wanting to save their sensei. That much is certain for both of them and there is no doubt that their motive for joining the war was to save him. But what happens if someone removes that motive from the equation? Would they still join the war?

The way I see it, yes, they would. Just like Gin suggests, Zura is an honorable person who cares about the people and his country. He has the leader ideals instilled in him, and so with or without their sensei getting captured, he'd still opt to save the country. Because of that, I believe Shinsuke would join him, not only due to their strong bond, but also because of Shinsuke's inner desire to prove himself.

Ever since he was a child, Shinsuke stirred trouble in order to test the waters around him. Rather than wanting to be the strongest among his weak classmates, he was itching to fight a worthy opponent. One that would test him, one that would be able to match him, one that would offer him a real competition, things that he found in Gin.

The military academy was an esteemed school that only privileged kids could attend, yet none of his classmates was worthy of attending it. Shinsuke was ages ahead in terms of both fighting ability and intellect, and thus he was deeply dissatisfied with his school's environment. Instead of power that comes from money, he wanted to be strong on his own accord. To fight over and over again and prove his own worth as a person, not that of his family's name, which wasn't something he could easily do there.

Like I said, his desire to compete and excel manifested in Gintoki, but really, is there an environment more competitive than that of a warzone? Even if Shinsuke doesn't care about glory and fame, he does care about honing himself. Joining the battle field would allow him to truly shine, fight strong opponents and relief his "fighting itch".

So, if Katsura and Shinsuke both join, Gin would have no choice but to also join. These two are his friends and he wouldn't miss on the opportunity to get on Shinsuke's nerves for nothing. Insert Sakamoto, and boom, Joui 4 achieved!

Now comes one of the biggest deciding factors. Who would win? As much as I believe in them, I think that the war would still be a loss. They were so young back then and inexperienced. No matter how great fighters they were, there was no way to take on the Amanto and the Tendoshu/Crows at that point, which leads us to post war period.

Shouyou lives, they live, no eye snatching, happy ever after. Well, not exactly. First of all, lets exam the potential career choices of the boys, considering how at that point, they'd likely feel directionless and defeated.

Tatsuma would 100% live the exact same life. Meet Mutsu, go to space, become the captain of the Kaientai. No doubts here. But when it comes to Katsura, I can see two possibilities. Either he becomes a terrorist in the name of reclaiming the country, or, inspired by Shouyou, he becomes some sort of teacher himself, with the second scenario having more chances to occur if they somehow win the war.

With Sakamoto off Earth and Katsura having found his way, that leaves us with Gin and Takasugi, the two no-good brats. Neither of them know of a way to live their lives. They are both skilled and could do anything they set their minds on, but they don't know what that something is.

Gin forming Yorozuya makes complete sense for his character, as someone who doesn't have a path se in stone and would rather do everything and nothing all at once. I strongly believe that this is something he'd still do, with or without Shouyou being around.

But where does Takasugi fit in all that? I have three possible outcomes in mind, depending on how the war changes his mindset. Although not as honorable and humanitarian as Katsura, Shinsuke does care about what happens to the world, even when his words and actions often suggest otherwise.

Back when he was a child, he entertained the idea of what would happen to the country, if his classmates from the Military Academy rose to power. He didn't think they were qualified to run things, and that could also explain his aggression towards them. Shinsuke is someone who values essence more than money and titles, and thus gets frustrated over people's incompetence. For someone his age, he surely spends a lot time analyzing and criticizing those around him, going as far as to test their worth himself.

Another instance of us learning about his frustration regarding the political stage of Edo, stems from episode 215 during which Matako and Bansai discussed the Kiheitai's goals.

We've always heard about how Takasugi wants to destroy the world, but they seem to have a different opinion. Rather than seeing him as someone who wants to destroy the country, they see him as the kind of hero who wants to reform the government after bringing it down.

Now, there are two cases here. Either he lied to them (which I doubt, considering they are two of his closest people in the Kiheitai), or, he actually does care about what happens to the country. Rather than leaving the world in shambles and pissing off, he cares enough to restore it to what it should be, which is another sign that points towards his interest in politics.

What I'm trying to say is, regardless of Shouyou, Takasugi's always been a person who's been interested in his own country, be it in a different way from Katsura. While Zura is all about the people and the structured values of a bushido, Shinsuke cares about the deeper meaning of things. Combine this interest with his innate need to compete, it's not far fetched to see Takasugi taking on the terrorist route all over again, which is actually funny because so far, according to my theory, they all end up at the same place.

Anyways, rather than being the kind of terrorist who wants the world to burn, he'd be more sensible in this case. Just like when he was a child, he'd do everything to test the waters, check whether he could possibly topple the house of cards that the Bakufu is with his own two hands. He'd think of it as a challenge, but that's not to say he wouldn't take it seriously. Even when he acts as if he doesn't give two shits about the world, he'd try his best to bring a change and to lead those who are brave enough to take a stand, and this is where Zura fits in the picture.

Back when Shinsuke had yet to go full extremist on their asses, him and Zura were shown on good enough terms to kinda work together. In this Shouyou-being-alive-and-well-scenario, they'd have no reason to oppose each other. With the exception of a few minor disagreements (Shinsuke wanting to take on higher risks and be more radical, while Katsura carefully considers each move and takes things slow), they'd actually be even more successful as partners, whether they form separate factions or not.

So terrorist Katsura/Takasugi is one of the more likely scenarios.

Moving onto the second possible outcome, the one in which Zura founds some sort of school, I can actually imagine Takasugi joining as a mentor/fighting instructor from time to time.

In many flashbacks, we see him teaching kids how to fight and showing them moves. Not just that, but he is also someone of great insight and a hell of a listener. Even when he is lost himself, he's helped thousands of people find their own way and has supported them in his own way. He is cool headed, tolerant, patient, analytical and reads into things with ease.

The role of an advisor would suit him like a glove, considering he has the freedom to wander around as well as inspire others. Perhaps said inspiration would get a bit out of hand, resulting to Katsura scolding him for corrupting the youth, but his intentions would be good. So once again, these two working together is something I see happening.

Final potential work aspect, is actually semi-canon. Remember that alternate Gintama universe in which Gin was an escort? In that universe, Takasugi was the boss of Yorozuya, but not just that.

In the Class Z light novels where he is a delinquent, Takasugi is the one to form Yorozuya among his classmates. Because of these two instances, Shinsuke forming some sort of Yorozuya business himself is highly likely! Not only would he get to advise and assist people, but he'd also get the chance to straight up compete with him. Imagine the two of them getting hired for the same job, with either Yorozuya getting the reward according to who does a better job/finishes faster. Straight up comedy gold.

To sum up, it's likely that Takasugi would either: a) Become a terrorist in the hopes of changing the country, b) Become some sort of advisor, c) Take on a Yorozuya business of his own.

Now that I've managed to properly expand upon the different career choices of Shinsuke, I'll move along to a few other things.

First is the department of romance. Once again, looking at flashbacks and his brief interactions with women, Takasugi isn't exactly a ladies man. Unlike Gintoki or Tatsuma who act like dogs in heat, and Katsura who only has eyes for widows, Takasugi hasn't expressed any deep desire for the opposite gender, except of that one time with the Yoshiwara woman, which could easily be attributed to peer pressure.

What I'm trying to get to is that, most likely, Takasugi would have a hard time dating around. As I mentioned above, he cares about the essence of a human. Even if a woman charms him with her appearance and he engages in some sort of sexual activity with her, dating is a whole other thing. He'd have the kind of standards that are borderline impossible to cater to, while being a difficult person for one to handle. He shows interest in the same way he shows disinterest; g l a r i n g.

That's not to say that Shinsuke would never commit to a relationship or lacks emotion. In fact, it's quite the opposite. If he meets someone he actually likes, then that would be it for him. He is the type of person to form relationships for a lifetime, and although he'd never admit to it, finding "the one" means way more than banging some prostitute or dating some bimbo who only likes him for his looks.

Because of that, he'd probably keep his distance from women, until that someone special shows up. When that happens and assuming the feeling is mutual, he'd actually be one of the most devoted partners and would go to great extends for her. (I could actually expand more on the way I see Shinsuke approaching women or like what I imagine his dream type to be, but that's a whole other story.)

Out of Joui 4, unironically I think he is the most likely to get married and have a family first. Although quite open minded, he remains a traditionalist as I've explained in previous posts, and so, if he had the chance to have a family of his own without complications, he'd probably go for it. (insert Gin meme-ing him about getting all domesticated)

won't dive into married Shinsuke territory now, because that also is a whole other story, I'm just talking about marriage since it's considered one of life's biggest events

Speaking of Gin, I want to state that yes, Joui 4 would be friends after the war, if nothing terrible -such as Shouyou getting captured and arrested- happened. They'd be in each other's lives and meet up fairly often, depending on their personal schedule, with Sakamoto being the black sheep that visits whenever and pulls them all together like glue.

They'd have cringy reunions for which Takasugi would complain, yet still attend, and they'd even include Shouyou sensei to these (assuming he doesn't pull a 180 and go all Utsuro, still not sure how that works so I'm actively refraining from saying too much about it ;-;)

Final point to end this monstrous post; would Takasugi's personality change? I personally believe that Takasugi actually hasn't changed. Yes, he went all radical and discarded everything and everyone, but deep, he is the same guy he's always been, just an angrier and sorrowful version of that person. Whether Shouyou dies or not, whether he becomes a terrorist or not, he is the same. The difference being that if Shouyou didn't die and Shinsuke had the choice of living a normal life without having to endure such excruciating pain and guilt, he'd be able to express himself more and allow himself to live a proper life.

He'd laugh more, joke more, smile more and act all petty without anything weighing him down. He wouldn't turn kinder or nicer or whatever, because he already is kind and nice. He just couldn't afford to be either (openly) because of his circumstances.

Him saving Matako, Bansai and every single Kiheitai member, shows just how kind he is. Even if his words don't always reflect that, his actions do. A guilt free Takasugi is the very same Takasugi we know and love, yet a Takasugi who doesn't suffer from rain anymore, a Takasugi who can achieve happiness of his own.

I was actually thinkin aloud here and I wanted you to see my entire thought process for this question, considering how hard it was to answer and think through. Apologies for it being overly lengthy, but in order to properly analyze it, I had to touch upon many aspects of his personality, tendencies, history and potential futures. Of course, this is all my opinion and depending on minor switches to outcomes, new routes would get created. These simply are the outcomes I can think of according to the image I have of him as a character.

p.s. man, i want to see an au in which he is happy now :( he deserves to be happy and have a guilt-free conscience. he deserves everything :(