#big twitter group chats kind of stress me out
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Hi! I made a post about making a casual group chat and/or Discord server for combining Dan and Phil and all things books and it got enough attention that I’m back with a poll! Please only answer if you want to join <3
#dan and phil#dan howell#phil lester#dan and phil games#dnpgames#dapgames#big twitter group chats kind of stress me out#and i like the organization a discord server would provide but obviously we need a certain number for that so idk what to do lol#anyway i want to know everyone's opinions!#feel free to reply to this or send me an ask or dm if you have a question or suggestion!#dnp book cult
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well imean ur view on them matters the most so iguess i understand why u deleted them😭
SCHOOL IS THE WORST!!! can't even have free time smh i don't understand why school has to be this stressful that u are scared to even take a proper break from learning it's actually the worssstt😭
wait by recommendation do u mean like songs shows or blogs?:o or all of the above?:o KEVIN IS SO GREAT SO IM GLAD U HAVE THAT SOFT SPOT FOR HIM HE IS JUST TOO LOVELY AND FUNNY AND EVERYTHING!! eric is one of the funniest in the group imo so i'm happy that u are enjoying them on hwaiting!!!! dude u should stan them actually their discography is almost immaculate (their new ost is kind of 😟 for me so if u ever start listening to them do not start with that) BUT I HOPE U END UP WITH THEM LIKE TREASURE LMAO i genuinely think tho that by looking at their insta/twitter pics u would probably love them like they are just so aesthetic and well i guess trendy (?) (especially q) but they are just so great and if for nothing else i think it's completely worth it for sunwoo😁👍 THE PICS IN THAT PINK HOODIE WERE 🤌🤌 BUT THE TIKTOK THAT WAS JUST CRAZY I HAD IT ON LOOP AS WELL LMAO but u know i think this is a sign that once ur treasure era calms down a bit u should have ur theboyz era next hihi
MANIFESTING U WONT FAIL THEN!!! academic validation sucks ass i'm waiting till i be at peace with not getting good grades😃👍 probably university will help but i have to get in one first ig😭 but iguess i'm glad u are mostly at peace with it now (?) i be just can't imagine how rough it must have been to get to that point😭 (i hope ur enjoying the break from it then u will be back stronger than ever to write sometime in june ofc)
MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS TBH THAT IM GLAD I LOGGED ON TODAY CUZ IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO SAD IF I MISSSD IT JUST CUZ OF SCHOOL WORK AND U JUST COMPLETELY MADE MY DAY WITH IT ACTUALLY (liebestraum anon💕💘)
no bc school either takes up all my time or energy or makes my mood drop so much i dont wanna write anymore 😭😭 but i wrote a bit today so im happy happy happy maybe i can get something out even during exam season !!! also a chat w my friend about this one fic idea i had kind of convinced me to write for trasure after exams but....we'll see how that goes.👁
i mean all of the above i need all song recs and also content recs 🤭 i think i already mentioned that im a big fan of the reveal album so preferably something w those vibes ?? but im down for everything hihi. KEVIN IS THE LOML my affection towards him is the same i had for mark lee before i stanned nct 😭😭 theres always this one member that sucks me in and makes me stan LMAO. id love to be besties w eric btw. AHAHAHA "once your treasure era calms down" girl- 😭😭 i mean valid. ive always had the boyz in the back of my mind so this is surely a sign to stan. sunwoo is worth it❤
the moment i got into uni i experienced the BIGGEST gifted kid burnout like i never had to study all throughout middle and high school so i automatically thought im super smart and intelligent since ive always been a straight A student but uni was a wake up call and let me know that i am NOT as gifted as i thought i was 😎 so im putting a lot of effort to get C's and im good LMAOO. was kinda sad by the fact that its not A's but when i almost had to drop out bc of almost failing a class i was like yknow what fuck academic validation lets just....get this degree and get it over with. hope your experience is different tho bc i was crushed 😭
as always i loved hearing from u 🥰🥰 opening up my inbox to seeing your ask is always a "FRIEND!!!" moment for me DHSJSJ
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Bubble ♡︎ | Na Jaemin
Genre : Fluff humor
You’re subscribed to Jaemins bubble, excited just like every other fan to recieve his message for today until his new messages don’t seem like the others.....
-—————————————————————————
“What’s taking so long ?” You stared blankly at the LYSN* app while stretching your legs onto your leather couch.
You switched over to the Twitter app and scrolled through your timeline, briefly reading through whatever was the latest topic on nctzen Twitter. One tweet caught your attention which made you chuckle out loud
Nananotifs: “I’m pretty sure Haechan finally threw Jaemin’s phone out of the dorm window bc.......”
All Nanadoongies gathered on Twitter to complain about the absence of Jaemin especially since he was the only one who hadnt reposted Chenle’s beloved pup Daegal.
You sighed and switched back to the LYSN app and noticed you were able to send one more message to Jaemin before the app blocks you off until he sends a new message.
Y/n: nana I miss you please say something
JAEMIN: y/n did you eat today ? I’ve missed you!
Your eyes widened at the immediate message you received from your ult. Was is coincidental ? Ofcourse it was, they don’t get notifications from fan messages do they ?
You immediately switched over to Twitter already seeing the bubble update account sharing Jaemins new message along with the entire timeline screaming over his activity.
~boominana: “how dare he act so normal I’m gonna cry !!!!”
~jaeminjenos: “post a selfie Jaemin don’t be shy”
~dreamies023: “he’s probably busy guys let him post when he wants to”
The last account was right. Jaemin was probably so busy. It was nice that he still found time out of his schedule to message nctzens and that’s what you loved most about him.
Y/n: Jaemin you’re stressing everyone out on Twitter lol let us know you’re doing ok we love you !
JAEMIN: am I ? :/
Was it a delayed message ? You shook your head and decided it was probably just another glitch on the app.
Y/n: yes stop ghosting us !
JAEMIN: ghosting ? ㅋㅋㅋ so dramatic
You froze. There was absolutely no way that from the tons of messages he would be recieving right now that yours would be the one he read and responded to.
The interaction made your heart race and quickly switch over to Twitter, it was probably chaos right now wondering what Jaemins messages could mean.
Silence.
Everyone on the timeline moved on from Jaemins first message and there were no updates on the messages you had just received from him.
PING!
JAEMIN: y/n ~ are you not going to answer me ? How am I ghosting you :(
This could not be real. You felt a lump in your throat as you checked over your other bubble subscriptions which all seemed fine except for his. You had no idea how to feel or what to do.
Y/N: this is weird. Send me a selfie so I know you’re actually replying to me and not a bot -_-
About 15 minutes went by and you stared at the open chat. He had read your message but there was no reply.
“Humh it was a bot after all” you huffed, about to close the app when your phone pinged and you saw Jaemins name pop up.
A voice note.
“Hey y/n, I hope I’m saying your name correctly hehe So long story short I think the chat glitched and your name and profile pic added itself to my own bubble. Weird right ? Mark Hyung told me I should send a voice note because it will make you believe me a bit more and .....well we would know if you posted on Twitter which CANNOT happen hahaha you understand right ?”
What was happening right now.
You pinched yourself to make sure you didn’t accidentally fall asleep on the couch and start having a very eerie realistic dream.
JAEMIN: I know you’re shocked rn but I really enjoy reading your replies haha it was the best part of my day and well I couldn’t help myself today. I wanted to tease you lol
Y/N: wait so how long has this “glitch” happened for ?
JAEMIN: hmmm....about a month now I think...after you renewed your account I think hehe
Y/N: what ??? Omg I’m so embarrassed......
JAEMIN: there’s nothing to be embarrassed about trust me. I’ve read everything czennies have sent me haha I find it amusing.
You exhaled deeply and scrolled through some of the messages you have sent him during this month and thankfully none of them were cringeworthy.
Y/N: so...now what? Should I speak to app support and fix this....unsubscribe or something....
JAEMIN: LOL youre really funny. Imagine finding out you can speak to someone from your fav idol group and you want to call tech support ...LOL so funny Mark Hyung is laughing
You felt your cheeks heat up at the image of Na Jaemin and Mark Lee laughing at your messages.
JAEMIN: please don’t be embarrassed y/n ! I only did this bc well I have your profile now and you’re really cute.
This was NOT happening.
Y/N: Uh......
JAEMIN: what do you have a boyfriend ? ....
Y/N: no I don’t I’m just....it’s nothing never mind
JAEMIN: LOL so cute! So do you have Kakao ?
Y/N: you want my number ? Why ? .....
JAEMIN: to talk to you obviously! What if they fix the glitch and I’ll never be able to talk to you again..
Jaemin wanted to talk to you. He was trusting you wholeheartedly to add him on his private account. Did he have an idea of the kind of person you were ? How could he possibly risk his career to a nobody ?
Y/N: I do have kakao it’s YN_0023.... Jaemin I won’t say anything but are you sure this is okay ?
JAEMIN: yeah I’ll video call you and we can talk about it ...adding you now. Clear this chat after you get my text!
VIDEOCHAT ?
Is he absolutely insane ? Maybe the voice note was fabricated. Maybe this was some weirdo trying to prey on innocent fangirls. Maybe -
Nana00: heyyyyyyyyy :)
Y/n: hi Uhm is this ...Jaemin ...
Nana00: yup (inserts a pic with your username on a sheet of paper)
Y/n: holy shiiiiit
By now you were already pacing across your entire apartment trying to come to terms with what was going on in your life right now. It became a force of habit to constantly check Twitter and make sure by chance somebody mentioned a glitch of some sort or SM announcing that the app is under construction or SOMETHING.
‘This couldn’t be real’ you thought.
Nana00: lol you’re so funny so are you free to video call ?
Y/n: Uhm......are you sure that’s a good idea ?
Nana00: yeah I mean firstly I would like to know you’re real too lol and also I want to know if I can trust you with this information.....it’ll be quick I promise
Y/n: well....okay give me 10minutes please
Nana00: lol sure :)
After scrambling to your bathroom to make yourself a little presentable as if you just won a video call event for your ult, you finally set on a laidback look so it doesn’t look too obvious that you put a little effort in.
You decided to prop your phone on the mini tripod on your desk so the lighting from your bedroom window in front of you bounced off your skin perfectly.
Y/n: okay I’m ready. I’m a little shy so.....sorry if I can’t talk much...
Nana00: you don’t sound shy when you talk about me on bubble hehe ;)
You buried your face in your hands and groaned. The embarrassment was still eating at you and Jaemin was not letting you live those messages down.
Ring Ring Ring......
You saw your phone light up and Jaemins kakao profile picture fill your screen.
With a shaky finger you press the recieve button and watch as the pixelated video start to clear up, presenting a very smiley Na Jaemin.
“Hi there” he said in his high voice and a bright smile on his face. He seemed to be sitting at his desk as well, hair still wet from either a rainy day or a shower.
“Uhm hi” you replied shyly and waved awkwardly.
“So this is the face behind the bubble profile huh”
“I guess so” you replied. It seemed as though you were calm and collected but on the inside you were screaming. Screaming that you were conversing with one of your favourite people right now.
“Good! Sorry to ask this again but did you clear the chat on bubble ? We have to be careful with that” he said in a concerned voice.
“Yeah I did after you sent the pic I finally realized it was definitely you so I went ahead and did it” you quickly said, kinda embarrassed by how fast your words came out.
Jaemin chuckled.
“You still doubted me after the voice note?”
“Just a little”
“You’re so adorable it’s ridiculous you know that ?” He gleamed and neared the screen, his deep brown eyes focusing on yours “ where are you from y/n?”
“Well I live in a lot of places but my hometown is _______. I learnt most of my korean while studying here in Osaka weird enough” you shrugged.
You moved to Japan for your first year of university since it was where you sort of grew up as a kid and took up extra korean classes once settled in the city.
“Osaka ?? Wow I love Japan I can’t wait to go back! Well now I kinda have an excuse to go” he winked sending your heart into a frenzy.
You giggled shyly “is this the fan service everybody talks about ?
“Fan service is a job....this is different I’m sure you know that y/n haha”
“All of this because of my profile picture ?”
“Well” Jaemin bit down on his lip as his eyebrows turned into a frown
“I obviously saw your pic and thought you were very cute but a big part of it was your messages and how you would always message me when I most needed it.”
“My messages are very random” you chuckled.
“Still made me smile throughout my day and that means a lot” he said and ran his fingers through his hair “so it’s kinda selfish of me to say, but id like for you to update me...personally”
“Na Jaemin are you asking me to be your own personal bubble account ?” You raised your eyebrow.
“Yeah pretty much” he shrugged “I’ll repay the subscription when I see you Osaka.”
#Jaemin au#Nct fanfic#nct dream#na jaemin#NCT fluff#NCT scenario#Jaemin fluff#Dreamies#nct dream imagines#kpop scenarios#kpop au#kpop fluff#kpop imagines#nct#nct x reader
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I don’t play WoW but I used to play Overwatch and Diablo and this touches on just the general issues that are inside of Activision Blizzard right now regarding the major decline of World of Warcraft and how they’re losing to Final Fantasy XIV, how if the latest WoW expansion or Overwatch 2 flop as they’re projected to do then Blizzard’s most definitely going to pivot almost entirely to mobile games, and how the differences in age demographics are actually dividing the company into multiple camps.
It’s important to note two things: 1) this could be fake but also 2) the link came from Grummz, a former team lead on WoW and producer on Diablo II and Starcraft. It still could be fake despite this, but if he’s sharing it then I feel like there’s at least some measure of truth in this.
Transcription below in case this gets deleted and/or you don’t wanna click the link. Warning, it’s fairly long.
“I’m dropping this here after getting chewed out for three hours over shit the chewee did at work so fuck it. Assume larp and let me vent.”
>Shadowlands is a shitshow. Critical response, Player drop off and just about every engagement metric outside of cash shop have been catastrophic. No higher up expected this because of their “we are too big to fail, if we built it they will come” mentality. They refuse to accept their focus on the world being a begrudged mechanic to funnel players to raiding is not appealing to the player base at large because it appeals to them. They have spent the last 4 months trying to course correct but there is no solid direction and the response to 9.1 has only made things worse.
>Sylvanas is planned to replace the Arbiter despite so many people in the company and god knows how many online saying this would be a total replication of Kerrigans storyline in Starcraft 2 that killed none competitive interest in the brand entirely and you can only go “no, no they WILL like it eventually” for so many real world years before its time to change course. Thus far that has not happened.
>The elephant in the room is FFXIV. To the people in charge they are acting like this came out of nowhere and don’t even seem to understand why its drawing players away in their tens of thousands. We have all tried to highlight things it is doing that are clearly appealing to an mmo audience and not, in my opinion, focussing more on mobile game style retention traps to keep MAU users and habit forming personalities logging in. Its not that they don’t care. They just seem so pig headed and digging their heels in with their fingers in their ears thinking all the problems will go away because WoW is “too big to fail”, there will never be real competition and “they will keep coming back”. But they aren’t coming back anymore. Not in the numbers they used to.
>The people making the spending choices know this. The new model for WoW is market the hell out of a expansion pack for a huge quarter then use 6 month lock ins to pad numbers for the quarters after that. Even if corona had not happened 9.1 still would have been dropping after the initial 6 month subs expired to “keep the chain holding”.
>The mood in the company is tense but also very much “its just a rough transition period”. Activision has been pushing hard for Blizzard to release more regular product and to generate more income per user. As far as i know this is going to be a transition over the next 5 years to a much larger mobile/tablet gaming focus. By all accounts not just WoW but Overwatch was intended to be the moneymaker in the interim but once again someone had the bright idea to kill a game casual players loved on the alter of e-sports hoping for another Brood War. From what i hear the “told you so’s” were loud and a lot of people walked beyond Kaplan.
>The sentiment that was shared quietly in private but being spoken more often is simply that the leadership at Blizzard are not bad people, nor incompetent people but people who had to fill seats left when the old guard jumped ship wether they were suited for it or not. Brack is a genuinely good man out of his depth, Ion is a fantastic raid designer put in charge of designing a virtual world he has no interest or real ideas for and so on. They have been taking form the roles they excel at to be put in positions where they get to do far less of that purely because there is nobody left with the experience to do so and the trickle down is a lack of concrete direction, ambition and focus.
>2021 has seen the playerbase, media and gaming at large “turn” on WoW to a degree i don’t think the leads in their “positivity dojo” bubble considered possible. Its gone from people going “This is how Blizz needs to fix WoW!” to “WoW is no longer salvageable, time for greener pastures” and i think on some level this was never considered as a possibility so there have never been any major plans beyond the usual “try and minimise player drop off by arranging releases around competitors launching updates/products”. The official forums being filled with talk of FFXIV and worse “why do we actually pay a sub?” hasn’t helped.
>There have been some testing the waters lately from certain higher ups if we can remove the line “No King Rules Forever”. Read into that what you will.
>There are still arguments going on about the Kael’thas Voice actor shitshow. I don’t know much about it but i know its heated, wouldn’t be the first time a knee jerk reaction only seemed to generate bad press. We lost a noticeable amount of pvp engagement after the Swifty thing.
>The Preach interview was treated as a disaster and there was talk of more strongly vetting interviewers for “bad actors” and only engaging with a list of questions Blizzard provides. Some pointed out that could just be used to create some form of Fireside Chat akin to the FFXIV “Live letters” but that fell on deaf ears.
>The two sentiments right now among the team are either “we really need a win” or “theres a dedicated cabal of internet trolls out to kill WoW”. Right now we are crunching hard to get 9.2 ready to wrap up the jailors storyline so we can get an expansion out early 2022. If that doesn’t happen there are talks of major shakeups coming down from Activision that have been threatened for a few years now. Its an all hands on deck feeling thats been around to some degree since the “Is this an out of season April Fools Joke” Blizzcon. A make or break deadline is coming closer and things like Diablo 4 were not planned before then. Blizzard needs a significant win not just in initial profit but consumer goodwill. Nobody likes working at what the public now seems to see as “the bad guy” of the mmo industry.
>This has also made new hires decline. Not significantly but the “you WANT Blizzard on your resume” line doesn’t seem to have the appeal it used to. This has lead to more hiring via friend of a friend, to some rumblings about nepotism, and people severely lacking in experience “because they get great twitter optics”.
>On the topic of Twitter we are not being told to “disengage” from it. Multiple employees like Nervig and Holisky publicly attacking paying customers because they got too heated and couldn’t keep quiet is bad press that could have been avoided. A email reminder has gone around more than once lately stating “if you are not customer relations you should not be representing the company to customers, especially if you cannot remain professional”.
>Lastly the biggest elephant in the room is “yo’ boy” Asmongold. The newer hires cannot stand him. They have used terms like “toxic masculinity” and “dogwhistles to dangerous males” while some of the oldest crowd still remaining have called him “based” or “telling it like it is” which has lead to friction to put it mildly. People are told not to talk about him and the recent FFXIV stuff only made it all worse. The idea that an outside element can have such an effect on the product genuinely upsets people. Like Zach is engaging in some malicious act of cyberwarfare. Many of us have point out the now famous quotes by Naoki Yoshida about understanding that players will drift and we need to make something worth coming back to because they want to but some people for lack of a better word see out customers -or “consumers” as they refer to them nowadays- as some kind of antagonistic relationship where the goal is not being an entertainer putting on a show for a crowd but some kind of game hunter trying to trap a large, profitable kill. I wish i could blame Activision but this is a sentiment from more of the younger crowd than the “tech boomers”. Which personal opinion is probably why so many folks like Metzen and Morheim left.
>Before you ask, yes the topic of “wokeness” has shown up in group talks. Its not all some grand sjw conspiracy, people really do want to feel welcome and represented. However the “we need everything veto’ed by people not working on it to see if its inoffensive and bland enough” rubs some of us the wrong way. Like anything in life you can take something too far and lose sight of the core ideals and with everything gone on since Blitzchung it feels like people are forming little factions to pull people in different directions to decide “What Blizzards identity is now” and how to appeal to new players. There has been some drop offs with “go woke go broke” as the only answer in the survey when unsubbing but honestly we are losing subs in unforseen numbers anyway and still making more money than ever through cash shop “heavy users” so it honestly doesn’t make an impact.
>All in all things are rough right now. Blizzard doesn’t have the love of the customers anymore, is no longer treated as an industry giant and while D4,D2R and Immortal aren’t going to kill Diablo even if they fail the sentiment for World of Warcraft and Overwatch 2 are a lot more tense and stressful. The phrase “it might be good to brush up on your mobile development portfolio if we get another underperformer” has been doing the rounds a lot. If Shadowlands continues its stark decline and Overwatch 2 is looking to underperform like its current projections suggest i think the Blizzard of a few years from now will be imitating King a lot more than trying to learn any lessons from Square Enix’s mmo division.
#random#video games#Blizzard#Activision#WoW#World of Warcraft#Diablo#Overwatch#Starcraft#Activision Blizzard
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To piggyback on one of those last posts... Talkin about ~reader feedback~.
I don’t mean to complain about lack of comments, really. But I do find that for me specifically, I really do need some kind of community feedback to keep writing. Like I need actual words and conversations, not just kudos. I don’t mean in an “oh, I won’t post the next chapter until I get five comments!” way, but like... How to best put this...
The ideas are always there. For my favorite ships, I am pretty much always having some elaborate fantasy in my head. But writing them down takes a lot of work and, to some extent, some courage? I’m at the point now where I can finally admit to myself that I think I’m a good writer (mostly because especially after the Medium thing, it feels kind of stupid to keep arguing the point) but I still feel so much anxiety every time I post something. I know that sounds weird, with how popular some things I’ve written have been! But it’s true, like I even have an IRL friend that I send almost everything to before I post it just because I need someone to talk me up, tell me it’s not shit, and convince me to post it. (Thank you, btw, Kristy, you’ve been helping to keep me sane for almost 20 years now. lmao.)
So when I do post something and it doesn’t get any comments, especially if it was like that P5 fic I mentioned where even the exchange recip didn’t comment on it, it makes me feel... idk, kind of useless and foolish? Like “ah, I guess posting that was a dumb idea anyway...” which then just makes me never want to write again. haha. It’s not a spiteful thing. Just... idk, maybe a vulnerability thing? I need to feel like I’m writing for a group of people, either a recip for an exchange and/or gift or a community of likeminded fans. I need that support and interaction. I suppose the best metaphor for my feeling is that I need to know that there’s an airport on the other side when I get into a plane.
I felt really burned out for a long time in fandom, I think largely because I was having a really hard time finding that “airport”, so to speak. Writing felt pointless and useless. I know it’s not! And I respect people who can write for no audience. But it’s very difficult for me to do. If there’s no audience, if I’m the only audience... then I’ll just play it in my head! There has to be a reason for me to pull it out and put it on page!
As for kudos and (non-editorial) bookmarks, it’s not that I disregard them... I don’t. And I understand why kudosing is so much more appealing to most people. But when I don’t actually talk to people, it’s hard to feel that sense of community I end up craving when I write. Comments are one way of getting that. Asks and chat requests and reblogs with commentary and stuff are other ways. People responding to my tweets and having conversations. Heck, even email. idk. I deal in words and I need those to feel secure, I guess.
But in WWDITS especially and to some degree P5R, I’m starting to feel the desire to write come back and that’s very exciting for me! It probably also has to do with the fact that I’m finally moved in and mostly unpacked now lmao. Buying my first house, applying for accessibility funds, getting some of the accessibility renovations done, and moving, that whole process was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done, my god. I’m almost glad that I need another six months to save for the accessible bathroom because I’m not sure my sanity could have stood another big reno project rn.
Having those kinds of fannish feelings again feels very nice, but to be entirely honest, now I’m not sure where to put them! Fandom’s changed a lot over the years. I know a lot of people talk on twitter or discord but I haven’t had a ton of luck reaching people on twitter (and due to the Medium thing I’m now private and vetting friend requests) and I hate real-time multiperson chatting like Discord. So idrk where to even do fandom anymore lmao. So I guess I’ll just keep posting long screeds on tumblr and posting fic to AO3! lmao
#OKAY NOW I SWEAR I'LL STOP POSTING#just me#just an update on me I guess#writing liveblogging#look man I know it's kind of crass to publicly talk about this kind of thing#but I do want to be frank when I say that if I don't get feedback I mostly just stop writing in certain fandoms#it's not a spite thing... it's just not fun for me if I don't get to interact with people#if I'm not interacting why not just keep it in my head for private use?#like I know for a FACT that's why I wrote karabita for so many years#people encouraged me and I could talk to people and it was really fun!#I liked that even more than the show itself#I've been chasing that high ever since haha
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Random Haikyuu Head Canons I Have
these are all taken from my discord server cause i remember to write them there, if you want to request fanfics, my requests are W I D E open! there is also nO order! these are just all the headcanons i could find tbh
warnings: mentions of blood, and just overall wild times, swearing
Asahi loves knitting sweaters because his shoulders are broad and he also loves seeing the reactions from his teammates when they get a sweater from him! He says he buys them but he doesn’t
Aone likes knitting socks because he has big feet and he loves fluffy knee high socks but his team will never know
Asahi and Aone regularly hang out and knit together! (after asahi wasnt scared of him anyways)
Nishinoya gives you shiny rocks he finds because “your eyes shine like them!”
Yamaguchi likes to have your head rest on his chest while cuddling!
Aone likes to bake
Aone dressed like a polar bear because koganegawa told him to- halloween was amazing
daICHI HAS A KISS THE COOK APRON
Daichi secretly can make some kick ass steak and is amazing at grilling sorry
Okay but real talk, Kenma and Yaku swear like sailors and it scares everyone because they always whisper the most foul, insulting things under their breath. Hearing it is like seeing a cryptid
Speaking of cryptids, Fukunaga and Shibayama are THE most true crime, mythology, and mystery obsessed fanatics on the team and often fanboy about it together
Fukunaga’s obsession with moth man has gotten to an unhealthy stage
Kenma absolutely had a vampire phase and has read twilight. Only Kuroo knows and has sworn to secrecy via blood pact
Kuroo’s a musical nerd. Knows all of the lyrics to Hamilton, BMC, DEH, Heathers, Rent, Beetlejuice, Etc. Kenma considered dropping him because of it
Iwaizumi tells the worst dad jokes and Kyotani, wanting to beat him, started doing it too and it drives everyone insane
Yahaba and Matsukawa get along surprisingly well. Both are true crime freaks and bond over their forensic files obsessions
Matsukawa didn’t really like his thick eyebrows so he got one of his female friends to pluck it for him, but almost cried and gave up after the first hair. Oikawa called him a pussy for the next year
Hanamaki jokingly flirts with everyone on the team so most of them just got used to it, but it still confuses Kindaichi to the point of mental breakdown
Makki called Kyotani ‘puppy’ as a joke once and now mad dog is truly terrified of him
Kyotani’s dog absolutely ADORES Oikawa and it’s the funniest shit to the rest of the team
Mattsun and Makki play DnD and once convinced Yahaba and Kyotani to join. Kyotani kept rolling to fight everyone and Yahaba was a bard that kept rolling to seduce everyone. They kept yelling across the board so they had to kick them out
Outside of his school uniform, Goshiki specifically wears only plaid
Tendou makes little chocolates for the whole team every once in a while so they don’t think he’s scary
Semi and Shirabu once had a fistfight in an abandoned McDonald’s parking lot while Tendou filmed and Goshiki cheered them on
Everybody makes fun of Shirabu’s haircut but nobody dares to say it to his face. its gotten to the point where they say he got it done by a blind old lady
There’s a running joke about Shirabu also getting his haircut from prison but Goshiki is starting to suspect that it may not be a joke
Yamagata and Tendou are good friends with the mutual goal of collecting as much blackmail on their team as possible
Tendou loves animals generally considered to be ‘ugly’ like rats, crows, reptiles, etc.
80% of Goshiki’s playlist is shit overplayed on the radio. Him, Shirabu, Tendou, Kawanishi and Ushijima have a permanent ban from the aux cord
Nobody watches YouTube with Ushijima because he never skips the damn ads (other than tendou)
Suna once said y’all’dn’t’ve unironically and made a first year cry
Akagi once said UwU unironically and had an identity crisis.
Osamu has one of those rainbow gaming keyboards and is constantly on a discord call. Atsumu always yells weird shit in the background to embarrass him and once pretended to be him
During Seijoh group chat arguments. Hanamaki and Mattsukawa like to drop facebook minion memes in just to piss everyone off even more
mattsun and maki both have separate photo albums in their phones labelled ‘minion memes to piss everyone off’
Hinata carries a pocket knife and no one has no fucking idea why
mattsun and maki both have matching rat fursuits that look like they actually where in a sewer- they chased oikawa around
For all his talk of plant analogies and metaphors, Ushijima cant grow shit
Goshiki’s Bangs are the way they are because his favorite character was Rock Lee from Naruto
Oikawa has watched Ouran High School Host Club front to back so many times and he can quote all of Tamaki’s lines by heart -He keeps bothering Iwaizumi to “be his Haruhi, since you’re shorter than me”
Koganegawa has definitely gone as an Angry Bird for Halloween
Fukunaga has those reflective cat eyes, and he has terrified Yamamoto on several occasion
Hanamaki and Matsukawa have a teddy bear that they pretend is their child and they share custody
Suga always sprays whipped cream straight into his mouth whenever he sees a can
Nishinoya definitely bit people as a kid
Nishinoya would be the guy to wear shorts all year round and even if it's snowing, he'll insist he's not cold
Tendou is still stuck in his emo phase and would fangirl over Creepypasta with me and I appreciate that (me too buddy, me fuckin too)
Kyoutani LOOKS like he’d listen to viking death metal, but in reality he listens to Mother Mother and knows all the words to Ghosting
Sugawara would definitely encourage me to dumb shit and not stop me, and you’re all dumb for thinking he wouldn’t
KENMA IS NOT ‘uwu owo’ SHY, HE IS ‘your fucking gross’ SHY SO LITERALLY STFU
Bokuto listens to Nicki Manaj. And knows all the words. To every. Single. Song.
Ushijima for some reason knows an odd amount of 90′s-2000′s R&B and he will hum along to the songs if they come on the radio (he also loves Dolly Parton) ((he says he relates to her music))
Bokuto once ate instant ramen for an entire month
TERUSHIMA DID TRY TO FUCK A PLANT WHILE SHITFACED AND GOD I STAND BY WHAT I SAID
atsumu let’s you put makeup on him and pretends to eat the brushes (do yk what im talking about- like n o m)
tendou ran for school president as a joke but actually won
i 100% believe that all of karasuno’s third years apologize when they bump into inanimate objects, but when suga is really tired or stressed out, he’ll yell at them instead.
Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Taketora have a group chat called "Bros who want sum hoes" and they send each other hypebeast memes and shit
Sugawara knows how to do a bunch of flexible shit because he sometimes goes to yoga with daichi and asahi's moms, its fucking hilarious
tanaka and noya both breakdance- they work as a team and sometimes go to tokyo for underground competitions- saeko drives them
Daichi knows a little ballet- nobody other than Kiyoko knows because they saw each other at the ballet class and had to work together- dont tell tanaka and noya that he lifted her though
Osamu once put glitter on Atsumu's pillow- he still finds hot pink glitter on shit
kita knits and crochets with his grandma
Kita's grandma knows everyone's names because kita talks shit bout them, her favorite is Aran
Kuroo has burnt his eyebrows off doing an experiment. His goggles didn't cover all his brows,,, so he just showed up to practice like that. No eyebrows and a chemical burn
kenma has played all kinds of games, but he was dared to play corpse party by kuroo. He wasn't scared because of the gore, he was thinking about the trauma the characters went through. Punched kuroo the next day because that game was fucked up
Lev isn't a strong swimmer, so he often grabs people by the head to keep himself up. happened with kenma and lev couldn't walk due to the force of kenmas suprised water kicks
akaashi has those fancy pens that you have to dip in ink and they're so nice
Bokuto has and will eat pencil erasers again
Daichi once almost lost his shit at his team but instead he lost his shit at the door that decided to stub his toe on the way out of the gym. not the best thing to be found yelling to.
Yamaguchi for sure has been dragged to one of terushimas parties because he didnt wanna say no. oh and terushima has like frat boy level parties too. Yams has for sure had some wild nights and doubts anyone other than Tsukishima and the party-goers will ever know
Akaashi can actually flirt very well! He reads romance novels sometimes and has analyzed any and every book in his possession! so he's actually quite charming
Daihsou unironically posted on twitter after mika broke up with him "I still see her shadows in my room"
Mattsun and Maki run a fake oikawa account; its been going ever since twitter even started getting popular and they even started sending messages in spanish. The posts would range from "I love all my fans!" to flirting with them :) Oikawa is pissed cause the account got verified before he did and most of his fans also follow the fake oikawa. Tooru has no idea who runs it JUST IMAGINE OIKAWA JUST LIKE RANTING TO THE SEIJOH 3RD YEAR ALUMNI AND JUST "no Iwa-chan, you dont understand! they run a fake account and pretend to be me!" while makki and mattsun laugh their asses off
Oh, kenma for sure has pretended to be a girl on discord and has gotten someone to buy him stuff. after they do he says in his normal voice "fucking simp" and then hangs up and blocks the other persons discord
Yamamoto, despite his rough appearance, loves kids and has and will be a human jungle gym
suna in middle school had a game with his friends about who could make kids cry the fastest
The twins switched places back in middle school and nobody could tell because of how great they are at acting like eachother
Daichi once arrested coach ukai for public intoxication after a game :|
Daichi has arrested many people from his old volleyball team but the most memorable case was when he arrested tanaka and noya for reckless driving. poor idiots got so scared when they saw their old captains face in their mirror and started to pray
tanaka, while trying to intimidate someone, once said "You dont gotta tell me twice, i may be straight but these hands are bisexual" and he often cringes at night thinking about it
Kageyama, as a comeback to Tsukishima, said "one thing about us royalty is that we love to feast" and he also fuckin hates what he said
the third years made a cult for Kiyoko. they chant every wednesday "i'll do anything for kiyoko, she makes me go loco"
oikawas fangirls are known to be fucking rabid
yAMAMOTO AND KENMA AFTER THEIR FIGHT WERE FORCED BY KUROO TO MAKE IT UP: so they dyed their hair together
Makki and mattsun sang two trucks in front of the entire team. everyone was so confused. Makki: "twO TRUCKS HAVIN SEX!!" Mattsun: "oH yEs!"THEY'D SWITCH OFF AND HAVE LIKE CHOREOGRAPHY TOO LIKE THEY'D DO A TANGO WHILE THE SONG IS LIKE "two beer trucks, making love"
tendou once called Oikawa "mr. no-nationals" and got kicked in the shins before iwaizumi could save him
Tsukishima had a my little pony phase
you work with matsukawa at a morgue and he makes dead people jokes while you fix some dead guys face with wax and makeup he'd be like "so didnt he like,,, stick his head out of the sunroof of a moving fuckin car??" he'd be singing dumb ways to die the entire day
i feel like Kuroo has one crazy accident a year. like it might not be deadly but its fucking crazy like for example: Kuroo for sure has ridden in a shopping cart at past midnight with kenma (who pushed him down a hill) causing Kuroo to get scratched up hella well. he lied and said he spent the night with a girl and kenma fucking hated himself cause he would be the girl if that was true
Mattsun has flirted with the 4th years moms before (AS A JOKE), and because of this: he is known as “fuckin milf hunter” sometimes by the team
Warning, this next headcanon is talking about cannabis, weed, mary jane, the zoink root. so if your uncomfortable, please dont read below :)
dude i wanna get high as SHIT with Asahi
i think Asahi would be one of those mfkers who takes one hit and is gone
ASAHI ACCIDENTALLY GOING TO PRACTICE ZOINKED
IMAGINE HIM SEEING TSUKISHIMA AND JUST "he looks so judgemental,,, im scared"
OR LIKE A MAD DAICHI AND JUST "i'm gonna,,, im gonna go jump out the window now"
Noya and Tanaka would know tho, i feel like they'd have a 6th sense when it comes to weed. they probably get some from Saeko cause she'd rather they do it in the house. they'd smell asahi like fucking dogs and just so,,, big guy had fun without us huh?
DAICHI WOULD KNOW ABOUT ASAHI BEING ZOINKED, SMASH HIS FACE INTO THE WALL, TURN AROUND WITH A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD AND WITH A BEAMING SMILE AND FEUX ENTHUSIASM SAY: "YOSH, LETS WARM UP!"
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Bitty Breaks the Internet
Summary: The AC in Jack and Bitty’s apartment is broken. So what better way to beat the heat than go out on the water? Bitty wears a new swimsuit, Jack takes his picture, and the picture ends up online. (Cross posted to AO3.)
It all started with that blasted weather. Simply put, it was stifling. Bitty was used to dry Southern summers and slight humidity. But he wasn’t prepared for this years incredibly humid Eastern summer. It made it worse that the AC in his and Jack’s apartment was broken and wouldn’t be fixed until next week.
So, while the two of them were boiling in their apartment, Bitty got a text from his mama.
Mama: Dicky, why don’t y’all just rent a boat and stay near the water for a few days?
That’s a great idea! Thanks Mama!
“Jack, honey,” Bitty said, adopting his extra thick accent. He knew it meant Jack would give him anything he wanted because he was sweet on his Southern side.
“Yeah, bud? What’s up?”
Bitty sat up, allowing the washcloth soaked in ice water to fall to his lap. He looked to his fiancé across the couch from him. It was so hot that the only parts of them that had been touching were their feet and ankles. There were at least 10 fans angled towards them.
“How about we rent a boat for the weekend? It’s the off season for you, and my deadline isn’t until next week.”
Jack lowered his phone, revealing the hair plastered to his forehead. Bitty’s heart squeezed with love for his man.
“I don’t know how to drive a boat.”
Bitty smacked Jack gently on the thigh.
“I do, honey! I spent I don’t know how many hours on boats in Georgia. Good Lord, the sunburns I’ve gotten. The point is that I know how to drive and I could teach you.”
“Do we want to invite other people or just have it be us?”
Bitty thought. As much as he loved every one of their shared friends, it would be nice to be just the two of them. Quiet.
“I think just us for this first time would be nice. Just the two of us?”
Bitty heaved himself forward to slide between Jack’s open legs. Jack’s eyes widened, but he covered Bitty’s hands where he’d placed them on his chest. Jack hummed.
“I like the sound of that. Want me to see if I can find any boat rental places?”
“How about we look together, huh handsome?”
The week came and went, and on Friday afternoon, Jack and Bitty took to the water at Providence Marina. Turns out, Marty had a boat docked there and gave Jack the keys to use it. The cooler that was clutched in each of their hands contained beer, soda, chips, sandwich fixings, fruit, and lemon blueberry mini pies.
After everything had been situated on the boat, and they’d had an awkward conversation with one of Marty’s dock neighbors, Bitty pulled them out to sea. They didn’t go very far, just out of view of the docks, and dropped the anchor.
Bitty turned on his portable speaker to some soft pop music, stripped off his clothes, and began making house on the boat. He could hear Jack snapping pictures with his camera. A quick look revealed that the subject was him.
“Well, now, Mr. Zimmermann. Who said you could take pictures of me just before I was about to fix you a sandwich,” Bitty sassed, planting his hands on his hips.
Jack took the camera away from his face, a love struck smile on his lips. He was also shirtless, and had laid himself on the deck of the boat to get a good angle.
“Sorry, Bits, you’re just so gorgeous I couldn’t help it. That swim suit is definitely doing you a favor.”
Bitty felt his cheeks warm, and a smile cross his own mouth. He’d bought the suit as soon as the boat was secured. It was almost a Speedo with just a bit more length. The print on them was white with light and dark blue sail boats.
“Oh hush now.”
A click.
“Jack Laurent Zimmermann!”
The afternoon passed with Bitty alternating between sunning himself on the deck and taking dips in the water. Jack kept mostly on the boat, occasionally dipping his legs in when Bitty swam. By the time they pulled into the dock, his shoulders were bright pink and he winced when he lifted the cooler.
“I told you to put on some more sunscreen, honey. There’s some aloe at home, but it’s gonna take more than that.”
“Bits, bud, don’t feel too bad. I’ll wear sunscreen tomorrow and bring a shirt too.”
“You still want to go out tomorrow?”
The couple buckled themselves into Jack’s car.
“Of course, Bits. You looked like you were loving it out there. As long as it makes you happy.”
Bitty leaned across the center console and planted a kiss on the underside of Jack’s jaw.
“You’re so sweet, honey. As long as you’re up for it.”
By the end of the weekend, Jack had taken over 100 pictures. At least 50 of them were Bitty. There was a handful of scenery, other boats and the ocean. And then a few were of the two of them. One for each day. They had gotten progressively pinker as the days went on.
Sunday night, the couple went to a nice seafood just off the water before heading home to fall into bed for a restful night sleep.
Wednesday rolled around quietly, and Bitty woke to about a thousand notifications on his phone. Some were texts. Some were notifications on Twitter. By far the most notifications came from Instagram. Even though he’d made an account, Bitty barely posted to Instagram except to promote his cookbook.
Deciding to look at the texts first, he was greeted with no context chirps from his Samwell friends. All of them were about him in a swimsuit?
What?
Bitty continued to flick through his messages. There were individual messages from everyone on his former team, but also in the big “Haus 4.0” group chat.
Holster (Adam Birkholtz): dUDE BITTY MY GOD HOW HAVE YOU STAYED SO HOT????
Ransom (Justin Oluransi): Jack’s lucky that nobody saw your ass or the internet would be broken brah
Lardo (Larissa Duan): bro, bitty DID break the internet have you seen his insta and twitter??
Shitty (BS Knight): I swear on the gods above if Bitty was not single and I was not straight, I would sweep him off his feet
Nursey (Derek Nurse): chill. was truly a kim k moment for Bitty
Dex (Will Pointdexter): Love the confidence my dude. Was really a monumental picture tbh
Honey 💞: Can we not talk about Bitty like a piece of meat?
ERB: What on earth are y’all talking about?
Lardo (Larissa Duan): bits, you gotta check jacks insta first before you come in here and ask questions
So that’s exactly what Bitty did. Goodness knows where Jack was because he was not currently in bed with him. The last text he sent was at 8:45 am and it was now 9.
Instagram proved to be a tough navigator. Not because Bitty was media illiterate, but because the sheer amount of new followers he got prevented the app from running properly. After three app crashes, Bitty grew frustrated. He logged out of his public account and into his private one.
Once on his smaller scale Instagram, he searched Jack’s name. The most recent post was of their weekend relaxation trip. It was one of those collections of images. The first three were of the ocean, some seagulls, and the view from the front of Marty’s ship. The next six were of Bitty and Jack in various stages of couple poses. Somehow Jack had even managed to capture Bitty feeding him some grapes. But the last image was what set a fire under Bitty.
The picture was of that first day. Bitty was wearing his, now scandalous in his eyes, swim suit. His sunglasses were perched on the edge of his nose. You could see the heat he held in his eyes for Jack, who had been behind the camera. Admittedly, Bitty had not been thinking of his body image at the time of wearing that swimsuit. But now that he had attracted so much attention to himself due to his body, he figured a once over couldn’t hurt.
The Bitty in the picture had a firm stomach, no defined abs to speak of. What was the need for them? He was perfectly healthy. The cut of the swimsuit allowed the camera to see the faint lines that traveled down from Bitty’s hips past the line of his swimsuit. His hair was shining in the sun. The skin of the Bitty in the picture looked a little pale, but he had no qualms otherwise.
He looked good.
Putting the praise of his body aside, Bitty knew he needed to find Jack.
ERB: Thank y’all for your kind words. It means the world to me. Now I have to find Jack and have a word with him
Shitty (BS Knight): AAH SHIT JACKS IN TROUBLE WITH BITTY AHAHAHAHA
Lardo (Larissa Duan): pls don’t kill jack
Bitty locked his phone and went out into the living room. No Jack. The entire open concept apartment was empty. Bitty knew the bathrooms and home office were empty. The doors always stayed open unless there was someone in there.
As Bitty pondered how to find his fiancé, the door unlocked with a small click. Jack emerged with several bags of groceries in hand. Bitty assumed position with his fists on his hips, but this time around, it was not nearly as tempting.
“Jack Laurent Zimmermann.”
“Bits! Uh, hey.”
Bitty tapped a foot on the floor.
“Euh, I didn’t know that post would go viral. I tried to soften the blow by bringing home everything you’d need to stress bake.”
Bitty came forward, taking the bags from Jack and going to the kitchen.
“Crisse,” Jack muttered before following Bitty.
“Bittle? I’m really sorry.”
“I know,” Bitty replied, his tone light. “I’m not mad, Jack. I only wish you’d told me you were going to post that where my mother could see it.”
Jack made a groan of displeasure as he approached Bitty from behind. Firm, warm hands pressed themselves into Bitty’s hips.
“Sorry, Bits.”
“Stop apologizing, honey! I’m just gonna have to field a call from my mama. I don’t think this’ll be worse than the cup, but I guarantee my family will chirp her for the rest of time.”
Jack buried his nose in the crook between Bitty’s neck and shoulder.
“George said the PR was good. We didn’t really need any more positive additions, but it doesn’t hurt.”
“Well I certainly hope not,” Bitty said with a scoff. “You didn’t post a picture of me nearly naked on the Internet for nothing!”
Jack laughed, and Bitty followed not long after. Together the couple baked breakfast pastries and Bitty got his own revenge.
Jack’s picture was also shirtless, but he was wearing his sweatpants reserved for lounging at home. His arms and stomach were so much more than Bitty’s. He had a workout routine to keep up with.
Once again, the Internet broke because of Eric Richard Bittle.
#omgcp#zimbits#check please#eric bittle#jack zimmermann#lardo duan#shitty knight#adam holster birkholtz#justin ransom oluransi#omgcheckplease#eric richard bittle#jack laurent zimmermann#omgcp fanfic#omgcp fanfiction#check please!#my fic
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Taehyung X Reader ~ Pressure [Request]
Word Count: 10k (I’m so sorry it’s so long)
Genre: Fluff with like a tiny amount of angst but it’s needed for the storyline
Pairing: Taehyung x Fem!Reader
Warnings: I don’t think there is any
A/N: Hope this okay for you for you hun, if not feel free to message me and I will do it again but for once I kind of like something I’ve written.
"Y/n! You were behind again!" The choreographer screamed at you on the stage, you looked down at the floor and tried to calm down your anger. You'd been in the girl band for a year now and it seemed like everyone hated you, managers, dancers, backup singers, and even the band members.
"Sorry, Clive." You said into your mic looking at your band members who were all talking amongst themselves it had always been this way with them, they'd trained together for years and when you joined it was as if someone had thrown a spanner into the works and they hated it, you were never invited out on meals with them, not that you could eat any way you were under a strict diet plan from your managers and if you broke it you'd be in deep trouble with everyone around you, they already hated you so you didn't want to add anything else onto the list.
"Just make sure you get it right!" The lights turned back on and practise was over, Lily, the main vocalist came over and looked at you.
"You better not mess this up for us Y/n, we have someone important coming to see us and we want this to go perfectly." You nodded in silence not wanting to say anything to her that you would regret later, she left the stage and you followed after them picking up your bag and deciding you were going to go back to the Sync building and practise all night if you had to. You tried not to think of the different companies that had approached you before you joined H.E.A.R.T, wondering about all the things that could have been if you hadn't joined but you knew thinking of what if's weren't a good thing and so you pushed them out of your head. You knew something big was happening with your band but no one was giving you details, telling you it was something you didn't need to concern yourself with yet, to focus on your dance and singing before you tried to focus on them.
"Afternoon Ed!" You greeted your driver as you left the venue, he smiled opening the door for you. All of the members went home in different cars, going to their separate homes and not talking to one another...or at least not talking to you when you weren't with them, even when you were with them.
"How was practise?" He questioned as he started up the car,
"Awful, drop me off at Sync I'll practise some more and I'll walk home." You told him looking in the mirror, he eyed you up knowing you were lying about walking home, you did it a lot. You'd get too stressed with work you'd practise until you'd drop and end up staying in one of the producer's studios which they didn't mind because they never found out about it,
"It's almost midnight Y/n..."
"Just drop me off Ed, please." You pleaded taking out your phone to look through the group twitter account, fans were tweeting out about how much they loved everyone but you could only see the horrible things people say about you, how much you lacked in comparison to the rest of the girls in the group, you were going to log off for the night when you saw a rumour going around which made you think for a second.
'BTS Coming to The UK to collaborate with Sync's Girl group H.E.AR.T' You clicked on the article and read through some of it, all of their names popping up along with photographs of them at their airports, was this what everyone was keeping from you, they all knew how much you liked their music, you groaned locking your phone and throwing it into the bottom of your bag.
"Everything okay?" You looked up at Ed who was looking at you in the mirror again, you'd known him since you'd joined H.E.A.R.T, he'd been the kindest person to you on the team and you always found yourself telling him your problems.
"Yeah...Do you know if the BTS rumours are true?" He nodded and rolled down the window, entering his passcode to the building of Sync and looked back at you for a quick second before he continued driving through the parking lot.
"Why didn't anyone tell me?" He shrugged his shoulders and you gathered your things together to get out of the car.
"Don't push yourself too hard." You ignored his comment and headed inside of the building, showing the nightguard your ID.
"Afternoon Terry, lovely weather." You joked with him, he rolled his eyes at you playfully and you looked around. The whole building was empty except for you, a couple of backup dancers, guard and one or two producers that were working on other people's albums.
"It's sunny now you're here!" He yelled as you rushed towards the elevators, getting inside the waiting one and heading up to the dance floor. You were going to practise all night, even if your feet were hurting and you were crying, you were going to get this right.
"Taehyung we need to leave what are you doing?" Hoseok asked as he saw Taehyung hanging around a door, he held his hand up for Hobi to be quiet and ushered him over, pointing through the small window of the door to point at you, you were panting heavily as you played the song again, he hadn't seen someone practising this hard since Jimin pushed himself too much back at the start of their training.
"What's she doing?" Hoseok questioned as you tried to catch your breath, standing back to look at yourself in the mirror and starting the dance again. Taehyung took in your appearance, you looked tired and overworked. You were wearing leggings and a huge baggy jumper to dance in as well as some old trainers, he glanced at his watch it was 4 am and you were the only one out of your four band members that were practising this early, if only he knew you hadn't been to bed yet.
"Should we go and talk to her?" Hoseok questioned and then he realised how creepy it would look for them to walk right in without being formally introduced to them yet.
"We could bring her a coffee first?" Tae questioned looking at Hoseok for approval who nodded in agreement and they went on the hunt for a coffee machine.
The sheer pain you were feeling in your legs was unreal but it worth it because you finally had the dance nailed down, you could do it with your eyes closed and without counting in your head, you took out your phone to interact with fans on your single Instagram account, your bosses insisted that you all have separate accounts to update everyone one, you took a photo of you sitting on the floor with the camera covering your face.
'Practise until you can't get it wrong' You sent it out and laid back against the floor, wanting nothing more than to take off the jumper you were wearing but you weren't at the desired weight the label wanted before they started dressing you like they did the rest of the girls you had to drop a few pounds, which you found ridiculous because most of your music was telling people how beautiful they are in their own bodies. A knock on the door alerted you that someone was around, you glanced at the time it was almost 5 am why was anyone else here yet, you kicked yourself up from the floor and walked over to the door opening it to reveal two out of seven members from BTS, you felt your stomach drop as Taehyung and Hoseok both stared at you with smiles on their faces.
"We saw you were practising and we wanted to introduce ourselves. I'm Hobi, this is Tae." You shook both of their hands and then realised you were supposed to speak now, like...Forming actual words instead of staring at them.
"I'm Y/n." You said in a rush, blushing deeply as they chuckled at how shy you were being around them.
"Sorry, I'm not used to meeting people like you guys." You stated to them but they shook their hands holding out one of the iced coffees for you to take, you stared at the cup and wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab it, you'd missed the taste of it so much that you were starting to get the shakes from thinking about it.
"I can't, but thank you." Sending them a smile and going over to your bag,
"Where are your other members?" Hoseok questioned as he looked around the dance room,
"Oh their out having breakfast." You lied, and badly because you saw the way that Taehyung was looking at you, you nervously looked around the room for something to talk about.
"If you guys want I can give you a tour?" Hoseok looked at you and shook his head,
"I have to go and work with Namjoon but I'm sure Tae here would love one." You nodded and Hoseok left you both alone, you felt nervous again being alone with him and you glanced at your hands trying to think of something to say.
"Tour! Let's go." You cheered nervously walking with him out of the dance studio and onto the hallway,
"This hall is all of the dance rooms and a couple of empty studios," You said taking him down the hall and towards the elevator, Tae had already gotten the tour from one of the managers in the building but he wasn't going to tell you that and ruin the time he was getting with you. He found you interesting and wanted to know more about you when he first found out about the collaboration he started learning more about you, you were the oldest of the group but the backup dancer and backup singer, you were never front of centre even though you had an exceptional amount of talent, he found himself scrolling through articles about you, and then fan chat rooms about what they thought about you compared to the other members. Most of them feeling bad that you seemed mistreated in comparison to the other girls which he started to notice as well the more he dove into your band, finding interviews of you being pushed to the back while the main vocalist Lily spoke, videos popping up of members yelling at you in soundcheck with fans there and even videos titled,
'Why I think H.E.A.R.T hate Y/n.' Seeing you alone in the dance studio and not taking the coffee he was offering only raised his suspicions of it.
"So where are your members again?" He questioned as you showed him the top floor of the building where most of your band hung out,
"I think Lily is going to town and the other girls all have private things going on." You lied again, completely forgetting what you'd told him earlier and he sighed looking at you, your hands were shaking and you looked like you were going to pass out.
"Have you had anything to eat yet, we could go and get something together." You looked at him and then over at the clock on the wall, it wasn't time for your eating yet but if you shook it off again he was going to ask too many questions and you knew the company didn't want that.
"Sure." You whispered to him, telling him that the cafe downstairs served a nice English Breakfast he would have to try.
"Morning Y/n, what can I get you?" The server, Mark, asked as you came up to the front, you looked around nervously at the menu, there was nothing you could have to eat.
"Green tea," You said with a smile glancing over at Tae who was talking with one of the cooks as they plated his food up.
"Who's your friend?" Your attention was back on Mark as he raised an eyebrow at you, you shook your head at him.
"He's a band member that H.E.A.R.T are collaborating with." You took the hot drink from his hands and put it onto the tray in front of you.
"You mean that you're collaborating with..." You laughed a little and nodded,
"Yeah." You took your tray over to a back table, sitting down and looking at the drink in front of you as you waited for Taehyung,
"That's all you're having?" He questioned sadly looking at the cup of green tea in front of you, you nodded with a fake smile.
"I'm just not hungry." You lied, you'd told that lie so many times you were starting to think it was real, no matter how much your stomach moaned out for you to eat something.
"Here," He placed a banana in front of you and you stared at it nervously,
"Even if it's a little something, you should always eat." You nodded at his advice and picked it up, peeling it slowly and trying to think of something to get out of eating it when the doors opened at the end of the hall,
"Good morning Lily!" The whole service crew yelled as Lily walked through the hall, going over to Mark and ordering a large breakfast for herself, she spotted you and walked over with the biggest fake smile you'd ever seen her have,
"Y/n! We missed you at the sleepover last night!" She yelled placing her tray in front of you which was her way of telling you to move so you slid out of the seat and onto the one next to her,
"You guys had a sleepover?" Tae questioned looking at Lily who was smiling at him, twirling her blonde hair around her finger and batting her fake eyelashes at him, you looked down at your tray.
"Yeah! We do it all the time, we're so close." You looked around the room and realised it was starting to get busy,
"Y/n you should go practice," Lily ordered waving her hand in your face, you stood up the banana in your hand and she took it.
"I'll take that," You looked down sadly and rushed out of the hall, not wanting to look at her flirting with Tae for a minute longer. If you'd looked back though you would have seen Tae gazing after you as you rushed out of the hall, he stared at your green tea, you hadn't touched it and you'd been so reluctant to take the banana from him. All of his suspicions were coming true and he knew he was going to have to get you to talk to him.
"Are we all clear on what we need to do?" Your manager asked as you sat in the music studio with H.E.A.R.T and BTS, you all nodded and looked around at each other. You'd spent the last two hours in a boring long meeting about what each member would be doing but as usual, you'd been giving nothing you knew what your task was, practise until your feet were bleeding and you couldn't walk anymore, work out until you felt like you were going to drop and be nice and stay out of the way,
"That's it then. See you all when you're finished." Your manager clapped his hands and everyone started standing up except for Taehyung who was staring at you and raising his hand.
"Yes, Tae?" The manager questioned, everyone's attention turning to him including yours, you wondered what he was going to say.
"I was wondering what Y/n's job is, you haven't given her a task." Lily let out a cough as she looked at him and then to you.
"Y/n has to practise a lot, she's not ready for the stage performance, but she's getting there aren't you darling?" She questioned throwing her arm around your waist and causing you to flinch which didn't go unnoticed by Tae and the rest of BTS, they all stared at you waiting for an answer.
"Yeah, I have personal training this morning as well...So I have to go." You said excusing yourself and practically sprinting from the room to get away from them all staring at you, you knew it was going to end up with your manager screaming at you.
It was the end of the day and people were starting to leave, you'd managed to avoid everyone all day, avoiding Tae whenever he came by the dance studio by pretending not to hear him knocking over the music, Lily had come down to see you after the incident and told you not to speak to any of them, even if they spoke to you first to make up some kind of excuse as to why you couldn't stop and talk to them and she went into detail about how amazing the song she was writing with Namjoon, Yoongi and Hoseok was perfect and that the girls were all having fun with the other members.
"Ed where are you?" You asked into the answerphone as you waited in the lobby of the building for him but he was running late, Lily walked past you and pretended not to see you and the other girls had already left so you sat down against the wall and decided to wait for him.
"Hi Y/n, how was your day?" Hoseok asked in a joyful tone as he came to sit next to you, you looked at him and nodded, you had nowhere to go and no way of getting out of talking to him.
"It was good, yours?" He nodded and then looked at his phone, pretending to have read something you knew that because his screen was black.
"Your manager wants to see you, come on I'll walk you up." You frowned and screamed as he pulled you up from the floor by your hand and began dragging you through the building and into the lifts, going up to the main studio.
"What does he want me for?" The door was opened and your manager was standing there, you blinked and looked around the room Tae was sitting there with a smile on his face,
"Tae has expressed he would like to work with you, I've told him how busy you are but he said he's willing to tag along. Meet your teammate." You nodded and Tae smiled at you again,
"I'll talk to you outside." You manager stated taking you by the wrist and pulling you from the room.
"You were under instructions not to talk to them." You shook your head at him ready to defend yourself but he held his hand up in front of your face,
"You go about everything as usual, if he's there or not I don't care. You will not let the team down!" You nodded as he whisper yelled at you causing you to flinch at how close he was.
"Go and greet your new teammate." He pushed you back inside the room and you smiled at both of the boys,
"What time shall I meet you here tomorrow?" You looked at Tae, this was serious about him being with you all the time.
"Erm, probably around 7 am." You lied knowing you'd been there earlier for private practice with Clive and then your training session,
"I'll meet you in the cafe." You nodded and awkwardly looked around the studio when your phone started ringing.
"You're outside? I'll be right down." You hung up on Ed and said a quick goodbye to the boys rushing out of the room and going to the exit.
"You sure she's going to tell you the truth?" Hoseok asked sitting on the sofa across from Tae who was gazing after you longingly, he nodded.
"I'm sure of it."
It had been a week since Tae was assigned as your partner and it had been hard to keep everything from him as your bosses wanted. You were more tired than usual and he was starting to pick up on things, it started off calm. He would meet you at the time you'd given him but once he realised you'd clearly been at work for longer he started coming to work earlier to see if he could find what you were doing. Then it was the coffee's, every morning he would bring you a coffee ''forgetting'' that you couldn't drink it, same with food. He'd take you out to lunch only for you to make up some excuse for not eating in front of him and you were slowly starting to lose your patience with him. Maybe it was the lack of sleep you were getting and the lack of food contributing to you but you were starting to get angry with everyone so that's why that morning when he showed up to work at 4 am you flipped.
"What are you doing here?" You questioned as he followed you towards the dance studios,
"Now I know the real-time you come in." You tried to laugh it off but he wasn't laughing, he had a serious look on his face as you started to get ready for your dancing lesson.
"Why are you here this early and Lily get's to come in late?" Question after question was thrown at you while you waited for Clive to arrive and you finally had enough of the constant questions.
"Because Lily is perfect! Lily is the main leader for us and she doesn't need all the practise like I do." You yelled at him, not meaning to yell at him the way you did and you felt your heartbreak at the way he looked at you. You'd seen the look before, it was the look someone gave you when they felt sorry for you and you didn't want that.
"Can you wait downstairs, I have to practise and then work out." He nodded and backed out of the room wondering what you meant by Lily was perfect. You were perfect, well in his eyes at least. You were the sweetest person he'd met in the UK, besides Army of course, but you'd been so kind to him. You took him sightseeing one night and took him to get food, and you even offered him a place to stay when he was locked out of their hotel room. He'd enjoyed his time getting to know you in the studio as you wrote song lyrics together, none of them being given to anyone important, he'd realised that yesterday when he asked Namjoon on the thoughts of the lyrics you'd written because Tae thought they were brilliantly written but Namjoon told him he hadn't been given anything even though Tae gave the lyrics to your manager specifically for that reason and hearing you talk about Lily this morning was putting everything into place and he knew you were close to talking to him about it.
"About this morning, I'd like to say sorry. I wasn't myself and I don't know what I was saying." Tae heard you say in the most monotone possible as you looked at the floor, he glanced around the room and noticed Lily watching you from the doorway of the cafe,
"It's fine. Sit down." You shook your head if you stayed you'd cry and you didn't want to cry. You'd already cried enough in front of your manager, they'd found out what you said to Tae and they weren't exactly happy that you were shouting at a guest of theirs.
"I have to go. I'm sorry, I can't be partnered with you but Lily said she is more than willing to have you on her team." He shook his head standing up, he wasn't going to stand for this anymore. You were clearly upset and not willing to talk about it in front of anyone in the building, he took your wrist in his which made you look at his hand and then up to his face.
"Meet me at the exit tonight, don't make up some lame excuse and don't ask for their permission either." You tried to protest but you knew all eyes were on you and there would be questions if you looked like you were having some kind of conversation so you just stared at his hand again.
"Fine." You mumbled moving away from him and going past Lily who stopped you by linking her arms with yours, trying to act friendly in front of workers on the bottom floor.
"What did he say to you?" She questioned with a smile but she wasn't being nice, you could tell by the tone of her voice and the tight squeeze she was giving your arm.
"That he'll think about working with you," You lied looking over your shoulder at the rest of the girls.
"We're all going to lunch, I'd invite you but...Well, you know." She said patting your stomach and flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder and leaving you alone in the empty hall, you felt your eyes starting to well up and you just cleared your throat, going towards the lifts and going up to the dance floor to get ready for your practice session.
Tae stared down at his phone, he'd been texting you all day after he saw Lily walking with you and patting you on the stomach, but you weren't replying to him and he was starting to worry about it, he didn't want to worry about you but there was something inside of him that made him want to look after you, maybe he was the feelings he was starting to have for you but he tried to push them away, he'd only known you a week and you hadn't spoken about yourself much, it was more about work than anything else and the only time you spoke about yourself was when you were writing lyrics, the lyrics were meaningful and beautiful and he could tell you'd written them from the heart despite you telling him it was something you made up on the spot, they were all about being in a toxic environment and living with people who were toxic towards you. Then there were the songs he'd found in your notebook when you weren't looking, songs about having no privacy thanks to people following you everywhere, and others about not having real friends because everyone faked liking you to get closer to the fame they craved more.
"Have you seen Y/n?" Tae asked Yoongi as he walked towards the exit of the building, Yoongi looked up from his phone and nodded.
"Still dancing, I heard the music as I passed the door." Tae thanked him and sprinted towards the lifts, going up and looking at his phone.
"Fuck!" You cried out as you collapsed onto the floor after getting the wrong move again, they'd changed the main choreography you'd spent so long on getting right and now it was harder than before, though Clive told you the girls got it right away and if they could do it why couldn't you put your smaller mind to it. All thoughts of going to meet Tae were out of your mind, you wanted to get this right before you went home, and if that meant staying up all night and day again then that's what you were going to do but that was before you collapsed onto the floor now you were just mad at yourself. You got up from the floor and looked at yourself in the mirror, taking off the oversized jumper you were wearing to reveal the Nike crop top and matching leggings that you were wearing, no one was around you could get away with dancing in the proper clothes for once.
Tae watched from the door as you stepped back away from the jumper and looked at yourself in the mirror, he took in your appearance and wanted to barge into the room, you looked as though you hadn't eaten in weeks and from hanging around you so much he knew you hadn't eaten a single thing around him so he wondered if you were even eating in the first place.
"Shit." You cried out as you missed a step, something he would look over in practice but it looked like you were about to break down into tears.
The breakdown had been a long time coming and it was a train wreck when it finally hit you, you grabbed hold of the chair that you were using in the practice and launched it at the floor-length mirror without thinking, watching as the breaking glass showered on the floor, sharp pieces flying out at you and cutting into your exposed skin.
Tae jumped up looking through the window and pushing the door open, you were on the floor cradling your arm as it bled, he heard the glass through the music and door so he was sure someone else would have heard it, he rushed to your side and helped you stand up. You didn't take notice of who was helping you, you couldn't see through your tears anyway,
"Come on before someone finds you." He whispered rushing you out of the dance studio and down the hallway, getting into a lift and looking at you as you dropped onto the floor sobbing as you shoved your hands into your hair.
"It's okay, it's okay. I'm right here." He told you dropping onto the floor, you looked at him and then to the camera into the corner of the lift and it was as if Tae watched a switch in your head flip, your tears stopped, you stood up and acted as though you didn't know him. He glanced around the lift and saw the camera you'd spotted, he followed along with what you were doing but he could hear you crying in silence as blood dropped onto the floor. He studied your arm as you descended floors with him in total silence beside from a couple of sobs coming from you, it wasn't deep enough to need stitches but he was going to have to help you with it,
"You okay?" You stayed silent as you walked out of the lift, folding your arms over your stomach to hide your body from anyone that was looking.
"Here," He laid his jacket over your shoulders and walked out of the Sync building, there were going to be cameras everywhere so he rushed you into his waiting car not caring about the cameras for now but only for your well being.
Both you and Tae were sitting in silence in his hotel room as he used the first aid kit to clean you up, you'd stopped crying now but you knew they would start again if he started asking questions, he stared up at you as you stared down at the plug socket on the wall.
"Do you want to talk about it?" You shook your head slowly and he got up to answer the door, it was Namjoon holding a tray of food.
"Thanks," Tae said looking at Namjoon as he glanced over at you,
"She going to be okay?" Tae shrugged his shoulders really not knowing the answer to the question. He shut the door and put the tray onto the table beside you, you didn't even look at it your eyes were back on the plug.
"Eat." He said to you but you ignored him again.
"Eat." He repeated in a more demanding tone, you looked up at him and then to the plate. It was a fruit salad with a glass of water, you took a strawberry from the plate and put it into your mouth, forcing yourself to swallow it.
"I should go." You said trying to leave but Tae shook his head,
"You should talk...If not to me than to someone else." You felt your eyes welling up again and you hated yourself for crying in front of someone you barely knew, you'd known him for a week and you were already ready to spill everything to him, there was something about him that made you feel like you could confide in him, tell him your problems and just relax but at the same time you knew you couldn't do that, he was close to your managers and he was in the business.
"It's nothing. I'm just a little tired." You lied to him again and he still stood in front of you demanding answers from you.
"Tae please." You whispered your voice breaking as you pleaded with him to drop the subject but Tae was going to keep you all night if he had to.
"Lily is throwing a sleepover, I have to go or they'll get upset." You lied again but Tae shook his head, he knew for a fact that you weren't invited to the sleepover, he'd overheard Lily joking to the girls about how you were never there.
"I know you don't, talk to me." He dropped onto his knees in front of you and took your hands in his and tried to look at you but you avoided his gaze.
"You said Lily was perfect? Does that mean you're trying to be like her?" You stayed silent again, still staring at the floor as he threw question after question at you.
"Is it the pressure of being in the business?" You shook your head at him and then looked around the room. No one would know, no one would know if you broke down in front of him and told him everything you were feeling...Unless he told someone then it would be all over.
"I'll tell you if you don't talk to anyone else about it." You whispered taking your hand from his and wiping the tears away from you. You were still sitting in his jacket, it was wrapped around you tightly so he couldn't see your body. You'd always had to hide it from people so he was no different.
"I'm not ready for the stage. Manager James says I have a long way to go before I'm ready and my dancing isn't great so I practise until I can't anymore." He knew this already, he knew this because it's the same story your manager gave him but he didn't believe it for a second.
"You said Lily was perfect..."
"Lily is perfect." You snapped standing up from the seat and scaring Tae a little as he stumbled backwards, steadying himself on the edge of the bed and standing up.
"She's perfect, she's the perfect size, has the perfect voice and style and she's everybody's favourite...Everyone loves her." You looked out of the hotel room it was raining and you sighed.
"Your dancing is perfect though..." Tae tried to say but you shut that down before he could continue.
"It's far from it, I'm always messing it up...Mostly because they're always changing it up on me and not telling me." You scoffed thinking back to them not telling you that BTS was coming.
"You know they didn't tell me you guys were coming...They kept it a secret because I didn't need to 'concern myself with it'," You scoffed again finally everything was spilling out and Tae just stayed silent letting you rant, he could tell you needed it.
"I'm on a strict diet plan while the other girls get to do what they want because I'm the one that isn't perfect. I'm the broken one. The one that doesn't fit in their perfect little jigsaw puzzle." Tae watched as you finally let the tears floor for the second time that night, you started sobbing into your hands and he moved next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to cry onto his shoulder.
"Fuck...Please don't tell them I told you all of that." You whispered referring to the hour-long rant you'd just gone on at him for, he shook his head promising he wouldn't but not meaning it, he had to tell someone, even if it was going to Namjoon for advice he couldn't let you go on like this. The company was treating you like trash, you were thrown to the back because you weren't the ''same'' like everyone else, you were told to be quiet in interviews because you were louder and had a bigger personality than the girls which Taehyung loved because having a bigger and more outrageous personality was a lot like him and he adored people like that but he'd not seen you acting like that in the time he'd known you, he'd only seen it in old videos he found on the internet one night after a long day at the studios.
You'd ranted to him about the strict rules you were given regarding your diet, you were only allowed to eat within four hours and the rest of the 20 hours you were only allowed green tea and water as if that wasn't bad enough you were forced to work out and dance more than the others even though your dancing was fine in Taehyung's eyes. You explained to him how you had no one to go to, your family gave up on you because they didn't see a future in your dreams and any friends you had were fake to get closer to the other girls or to get gossip for the news articles.
You'd been sitting with Tae for the last four hours, the conversation had moved onto talking about him, talking about what it was like in Korea and where he'd travelled, you were starting to show your true colours to him bringing out your personality as he questioned you about your life before the company took you in,
"Where do you want to go most in the world?" He questioned you, you thought about it for a moment before deciding on a place,
"I always wanted to go to Amsterdam for the Anne Frank house and then the Van Gough Museum." You told him taking out your phone and showing him your wallpaper, it was a picture of the Amsterdam flower show.
"It's lovely, we stopped there once. You'll adore the museum." He told you taking out his phone and showing you the photos he had of him and the boys in Amsterdam.
More time passed and it was getting closer to midnight, you'd spent almost six hours in the hotel room together talking about everything and anything that came to your minds, asking each other random questions and it was starting to get deep,
"You're the only person I've felt that liked me for me..." You whispered to him as you started eating the fruit on the plate in front of you, he was happy when you finally started to eat in front of him and he didn't feel like he was going to have to force it down your throat,
"Because I do like you for you." He chuckled softly as you ate the fruit, making a note to order some more when you finished.
"I have to go soon." You mumbled looking at the time, you didn't want to leave. You were enjoying your time with him and he was enjoying the time you were having with him.
"Or you could stay...I'll sleep on the sofa and we can go to work together." Work. You put down the fork you were using to eat the throat and then looked at the now empty plate.
"Work." You whispered to yourself, forgetting that you were going to have to go back at some point and Tae stared at you, instantly knowing that going back wasn't the best of ideas right now.
"Or! We can go sightseeing tomorrow together, Namjoon was telling me about this small bookshop near King's Cross Station, we could go and check it out." You swallowed hard and nodded, a day off sounded perfect, you hadn't had a real day off in over a year and spending the whole day with him sounded like a dream come true.
"I'd like that." You whispered to him and he nodded,
"Go and take a shower, you can borrow some of my clothes for the night and for tomorrow and I'll get the sofa ready for myself." You shook your head, you weren't going to let him sleep on the sofa.
"I'll take the sofa." You insisted not waiting for him to answer and going into the bathroom to have a shower.
"Here, stand there." You said between giggles trying to get Tae to pose for a photo but he was acting silly with you for it.
"Tae!" You giggled as he pulled another funny face at the end you glanced around to make sure no one had heard you yell his name and finally took a good normal photo before he insisted on taking yours.
"Fine." You grumbled hiding your face behind your hands but he shook his head,
"No hiding, we want to see your beautiful face." You felt a blush creeping up on your cheeks and you moved your hands, flashing him a bright smile and going to look at the photo.
"Son! Son! Come here!" An elderly man said as you passed him, you both stopped to ask what he wanted when he showed Taehyung a selection of homemade jewellery.
"For your pretty girlfriend."
"Oh, we're no-"
"I'll take this one," Taehyung said to the man before you could protest, Tae paid for the bracelet and walked over to you.
"Hold out your wrist," You did as he told you too and he tied the dreamcatcher bracelet around your wrist and tapped it.
"It's adorable." You whispered looking at the plated thread and smiling at the man before you and Taehyung continued your walk into town. You'd been in London centre and not once had anyone noticed you, it was too busy for anyone to care who was around and it was nice to hang around with someone who wasn't just pretending to be nice to you.
"I've really enjoyed today Tae." You said as you crossed the road to find that small bookshop Namjoon had told Tae about, Tae smiled and nodded in agreement. That morning you both laid awake talking about your plans for the day while you had breakfast, for the first time in a year you had a real breakfast instead of a green tea, and you called in sick to work, which wasn't the best of things because your manager screamed at you about the broken mirror but you pushed the negative thoughts away and focused on the day ahead with Tae.
"I have to, it's the most fun I've had since we came." He said as you entered the shop, the bell above the door dinging when it opened and causing a small elderly lady to pop up from behind a desk and smile at you both,
"Good afternoon." She greeted before sitting back down again, you looked at Tae and he smiled at you urging you to walk further into the shop so you did, going towards the back and looking through all the books and old records that they had.
"I've been looking for some new ones for my record player." You said pulling out a record and showing Tae who looked at it with a fond smile telling you about his classical CD collection back home and how he was going to have to text you recommendations when he got back to Korea.
"When do you go back?" You questioned as you took the records you'd gotten over to the counter,
"In a week, or once the song is done." He said as the woman packed up the bag for you.
"Well, we better make today the best day ever before you go back."
And the best day it was, you'd spent the whole day travelling around London going to different shops and then taking him to the natural history museum and told him boring facts that you knew but now you were back at his hotel room and getting ready to leave, the hotel had dry cleaned your clothes from the night before and you were getting ready to leave him,
"Let me look at your arm," Tae said taking your wrist into his hand and looking at it, he removed the plaster and checked that it was healing okay and it was but Tae felt sad about the fact that you were going to be leaving him soon was starting to hit him and he didn't want that.
"You should have something to eat here tonight." He offered and you looked at him, the realisation of going back to work tomorrow was coming and you knew you were going to be in deep trouble for taking the day off.
"I can't, but I'll probably see you around the offices tomorrow." You said sadly to him, you didn't want to leave either but you knew you had to.
"Okay, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." You both stood there awkwardly for a couple of seconds neither of you knew what to do, a hug or to just leave so it was weird until he dragged you into a tight hug and wrapped his arms around you, you relaxed against his touch and laid your head on his shoulder wanting nothing more than to stay in his arms all night as you felt your stomach doing a flips over and over again as he hands travelled down your back and pulling away from you.
"See you tomorrow." He whispered leaving a kiss on your cheek making you blush.
"See you tomorrow," You giggled and walked out of the hotel room dressed in his clothes and taking your newly cleaned ones down and out of the hotel with you.
"That was unacceptable! Do you not understand the consequences of your actions!" Your manager screamed, he was turning red in the face. You'd come to work that morning only to be dragged into the main studio with your manager and Lily, both of them starting to scream about how inappropriate it was to take a day off after smashing up one of the rooms. Walking past the door at the minute Lily started screaming was Namjoon and Taehyung and Namjoon raised an eyebrow wondering what was happening when Tae stayed to listen,
"What's that about?" Tae looked at you through the small window of the door you looked like you were about to start crying again and he'd only just been able to cheer you up yesterday and the night before, he glanced back at Namjoon and decided he had to tell someone what you were going through, he wasn't going to let you go through this alone and he wasn't about to let your manager talk to you that way again.
"Excuse me this is a private-Oh, hello boys. What can we help you with?" Your manager asked turning his attention to Namjoon who was in the door looking at you he looked pissed off and Tae looked guilty as he stood behind him.
"Is it true?" Lily stood up looking between you and the boys, you looked at the floor not wanting to look at anyone who was staring at you.
"Is what true? That she smashed up the dance studio, it is and we're punishing her for it." Namjoon ignored your manager and stared at you waiting for an answer from you but it was clear you weren't going to give him an answer,
"She smashed it up and took the day off because she's a delinquent," Lily stated looking at Namjoon with her fake smile but Namjoon ignored her as well, you looked up to see Tae looking at you with sad eyes.
"Yes it is, I smashed up the mirror." He shook his head at you and you frowned Namjoon wasn't going to stand for it, he stood up straight and turned to your manager.
"Do you treat all your staff like this or just Y/n?" You frowned and then it came to you, Tae had told Namjoon everything you'd told him.
"Treat her like what?" Lily giggled trying to calm down the situation and failing instantly, Hoseok was standing there along with Yoongi, Jimin, Jin and Jungkook all of them staring in through the door with Tae as you stared at Tae.
"Come here," He mouth and you slowly moved towards the door, Namjoon walking out of it first.
"You take one more step and you'll be out of H.E.A.R.T!" Your manager yelled causing you to freeze on the spot, the thought of being out of H.E.A.R.T was exciting and scary at the same time, you'd have nowhere to go and your music career would be gone if you were fired from Sync but being out of the toxic work environment would be a relief to you.
"I mean it!" He yelled again but you stepped out of the door and Taehyung smiled at you.
"You can kiss everything goodbye Y/n!" Lily yelled as you walked further down the hall, the BTS members following behind you and Namjoon muttering that he was never going to work with a company like that again. You all waited for the elevator and Tae pulled you towards the back so he could talk to you in a hushed tone.
"You okay?" You nodded looking up from the floor to his eyes and smiling,
"Yeah...I think it's probably not sunk in that I'm jobless just yet." You joked getting into the elevator with all of them and staring in front of you as the doors shut,
"You could always be a backup dancer for us." Hoseok joked causing everyone to chuckle around you as you went down to the bottom floor,
"No, we'll find you something...Or I will, I won't rest until we find you something." Tae promised, turning to look at Namjoon for some advice but he was on his phone angrily typing an email to Sync and BigHit about how the collaboration was off and he would never work with them again for as long as they worked in the business, Yoongi stepped forward with an idea when you all came out of the lift.
"We could record a song with you?" You stared at him and then to Tae who was nodding and looking to Namjoon who was now paying attention to the conversation,
"We were promised a collaboration with someone." You shook your head at them as you walked out of the building and into the black SUV that was waiting for them, ignoring the cameras as people yelled out questions.
"But you're wanting to collaborate with someone who's with a company, no one wants a song from a nobody." Namjoon shook his head at you as you spoke about yourself like that,
"You're somebody, you're up and coming and you're going to be a star." He chuckled taking out his phone and scrolling through it before he held it up to his ear, you drowned out of the conversation as you stared out of the window.
Being kicked out of Sync had it's ups and downs, at first it was all the papers covered, you couldn't go home without people sitting outside your door and wanting answers on what had really gone down in the building as Sync were only letting out that you'd had a disagreement with the company and you were being let go. While many H.E.AR.R.T fans were disappointed after a couple of weeks they started to see how much happier you were now you weren't in the band, you were doing weekly live streams on Instagram and interacting with people who were sticking with you, as you were promising that new music was coming even if you had to switch to releasing your own music on youtube you were going to start producing music but there was one big secret you were hiding from everyone and that was not one, but two big songs were coming that were working with BTS. Namjoon had kept his promise about working with you and you were getting ready to release it that morning.
"Are you sure people will like it?" You asked Taehyung nervously as you sat in his hotel room, setting up your phone at the table, you were going to do an Instagram live feed to announce that it was out and you were going to have each member on the screen as a nice surprise.
"Of course, it's an amazing song that talks about your struggles with your past." You smiled at him, in the two months you'd been away from the company you were getting closer and closer with each member but you were closer with Taehyung than any other member, maybe it was because he was the one helping you with the struggles of leaving Sync or maybe because of the crush you had on him.
"I don't think I would have made it through this without you." You told him as you finished setting up and stood next to him both of you staring out of the window at London, they'd managed to convince their bosses to let them stay over a little while longer and everything was going according to plan.
"I'm glad we could help." You shook your head at him,
"No Tae, you. I couldn't have done it without you here." You said trying to make him realise you meant him, you'd been trying to drop hints to him that you'd liked him for a while but he didn't seem to get the message.
"Oh," He chuckled nervously, the truth was he'd started to like you as more than a friend too and he had no idea how to approach it, he hadn't kissed you since he'd kissed you on the cheek the night before you were fired and that kiss left him wanting more. He knew he liked you from the moment he saw you dancing.
"I'm glad I could help-" You sighed looking at him, you knew you were going to have to be straight with him so you took a deep breath.
"I like you Tae...More than a friend." He stared at you, neither of you said anything he just stepped closer to you and cupped your face in his hands, kissing you. It was cheesy to say but it felt just like the movies, everything around you seemed to stop and the only thing you cared about was his hands on you, his lips against yours as he pulled your body closer to him, falling back onto the bed and sitting you on his lap and running his fingers through your hair. You pulled back for a breath before he kissed you again, it was soft and slow and it felt perfect until you heard knocking at the door and it brought the world crashing back to you both, you jumped away from him and he went to answer the door.
"We aren't interrupting anything are we?" Jimin teased as he entered the room noting that Tae's hair was messed up, that would be from where you'd been running your hands through his permed hair.
"No, I was just getting the stream ready." You lied going over to your phone and sitting down at the table and trying to hide your blush that would creep up whenever you would look over at Tae.
"Hi, guys! I have some special guests with me today since the new song goes out in..." You looked at the time,
"30 Seconds." You giggled looking at the comments, people commenting in all capitals demanding answers, you shook your head and the boys came over sitting either side of you so you pushed the camera further away so they could all fit in the screen.
"We made a song! And it's up...Now!" You giggled looking at the comments and then deciding to leave them to listen to the song and promising to come back on later to talk to them all again.
"We should go out tonight to celebrate!" Jungkook said in an excited tone jumping up and down as they released their song at the same time, your phone was blowing up in the corner with notifications from new followers, Army's tweeting to you about how much they were living the song and couldn't wait to hear more from you.
"I told you everything would be okay," Tae whispered to you making you blush a little as his hand brushed against the small of your back, that action didn't go unnoticed by Namjoon who was eyeing you both up from the corner of the room.
"We should all get ready for the meal, see you later Y/n." Everyone followed after Namjoon and you stayed behind looking at Taehyung who was making sure they were all gone before he bounded over to you and grabbed your face, kissing you passionately and pulling as close as your bodies could manage, you ran your hands through his black hair and smiled against his lips as your heart began to beat faster with every passing second,
"You're so fucking perfect." He groaned pulling you onto the bed so you were sitting on his lap again, you giggled against him and looked into his eyes.
"You're perfect." You mumbled kissing him again and never wanting the moment to end, he chuckled pulling away and tucking the hair behind your ear, running his thumb along your cheek in a loving manner, he could never get tired of looking at you, spending time with you and now he could finally kiss you, he was never going to get sick of that. All thoughts of him going back to Korea weren't in your mind, all that mattered in the moment was that you were spending time together, and you were going to be in the moment for as long as you could, spending all the time you could before he went back.
"Would it be too late to ask you to come out with just me tonight?" He chuckled twirling a strand of your hair around his finger, you groaned you wanted to spend the night on a one on one date with him as well but Jungkook seemed really excited about being together as a group.
"Jungkook looked excited though." You mumbled to him looking over at the door knowing they'd be back soon to take you out.
"But we can go out tomorrow night." You whispered nuzzling your nose against his and standing up from his lap, you were going to have to wear something of his to dinner and the pair of black jeans you'd come to the hotel in.
"Can I wear one of your shirts?" You questioned going over to his wardrobe and looking through it, taking one of his multicoloured dress shirts and turning to look at him,
"Sure." You rushed into the bathroom, changing into his shirt and running a brush through your hair, the only makeup you had one was some eyeliner so you were just going to have to deal with it. You came out of the bathroom and smiled at Tae, doing a small spin and showing him the dress shirt of his that you'd tucked into the top of your black high waisted jeans,
"How do you look better in that than me?" He groaned walking over to you and pulling you into his arms, looking down at you and smirking.
"Because I'm the better looking one." You joked leaning up and kissing him on the nose, he grumbled something and pulled you in for a real kiss, running his hand through your hair and pulling away.
"I don't think I'll ever get tired of kissing you." He whispered to you, stepping away and taking another one of his dress shirts and going to get himself ready for the meal. You smiled to yourself, wondering how you ended up so lucky to be here but being happy about it either way.
tagline:
@yoongisdumplingcheeks @snowy-meowl @lynnthevirgo @yourguessisasgoodasminemate @btsiguess-kpop @ficdump101 @babymochichimmy
#bts#bts x reader#bts x you#bts x y/n#bts reactions#bts reaction#bts imagine#bts imagines#kim seokjin#seokjin#jin#min yoongi#yoongi#suga#jung hoseok#hoseok#jhope#kim namjoon#namjoon#park jimin#jimin#kim taehyung#taehyung#taehyung x reader#jeon jungkook#jungkook#jungkook x reader#namjoon x reader#jimin x reader#hoseok x reader
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Karasuno High as Aesthetics and Playlists
3rd Year, Wing Spiker, Captain : Daichi Sawamura # 1
Earth tones, Dark Academia, Leather bound notebooks, wicker furniture, beige and dark green t-shirts, dark colored sweaters and hoodies, fitted brown pants and leather belts, black details, a few dark leafy house plants, simple meals of rice, avocado, clean sneakers, gym bag in the back of his car, protein powder on the counter, coffee mugs and matcha tea, encouragement and validation one-on-one, probably posts gym thirst traps on his story
Harder Than You Think - Public Enemy
Winner’s Circle - Anderson.Paak
Fell in Love With a Girl - The White Stripes
No Church in the Wild - Jay Z
Chelsea Dagger - The Fratellis
3rd Year, Setter : Koshi Sugawara # 2
Sky tones, light blue and bright white clouds, organized stationary and notepads, laying in the sun on a hammock, underneath a seashell, a warm cup of tea, making video compilations of memories, thrift stores, would do the dishes/laundry for you if you’re feeling stressed
Shampoo Bottles - Peach Pit
Close to You- Day Glow
Loving You is a Mountain - Isaia Huron
Honey - Kehlani
At My Worst - Pink Sweat$
3rd Year, Ace : Asahi Azumane # 3
Beige and white, oat milk lattes, long flowing wheat grass, a hike through the mountains, weekend camping trips, ambitious baking, large bulky hands and calloused fingers, doodling through class, wants to be the little spoon sometimes, enjoys when you do face masks together at night
Fire Escape - Foster the People
The Bakery - Arctic Monkeys
Ain’t No Rest For the Wicked - Cage the Elephant
She Moves In Her Own Way - the Kooks
Ivy - Taylor Swift
2nd Year, Libero : Yu Nishinoya # 4
E-boy, short sleeve printed shirts and acid washed jeans, striped long sleeve shirts, hot orange flames, throws shit off bridges, likes to piss people off, loves spicy ramen, tattoos, embraces rejection, chipped painted finger nails, would record both of you doing internet challenges, his email notifications are in the thousands, sporadic texting
Evil Fantasy - Freddie Dredd
Wet Dreamz - J. Cole
Power Tools - Jack Harlow
REEL IT IN - Amine
Best Friend - Saweetie, Doja Cat
2nd Year, Wing Spiker : Ryunosuke Tanaka # 5
Skater, collection of worn beanies, silver chains and rings, tattoos scattered up the arm, overcast skies, dirty puddles in the city, thick well made army jacket, in class even though others are talking the teacher yells at him, accidentally punches the wall, sends horny memes from Twitter, really good listener, somebody you’d like to get drunk or high with
Beverly Hills - Weezer
Panic Station - Muse
Somebody Told Me - The Killers
Nice Guys Finish Last - Green Day
acting like that - Yungblud, Machine Gun Kelly
1st Year, Setter : Tobio Kageyama # 9
Alternative, midnight drives through a city, modern art museums, clean white collared shirts, black trench coats, quiet meditation in the morning, worn down combat boots, hates being pranked, tangled headphones, has a lot of pet peeves he complains about, likes to be away from technology to be in the moment, takes note of what song is playing so he can send it to you later
Yeah Right - Joji
Die Alone - FINNEAS
Show Me How - Men I Trust
Places We Won’t Walk - Bruno Major
Sharing Beds - The Japanese House
1st Year, Middle Blocker, Decoy : Shoyo Hinata
Soft Boy, loves wildflowers, picnic dates, walks through a nature reserve, collects seashells and rocks for his windowsill, tried to make bread but failed, sends you goodnight/morning texts everyday, bike riding dates, plays with your hair because why else is it there
Feel Special - TWICE
Daydreamer - MYLK
Only a Fool - Galantis
Kill vs Main - Grimes
Treat People with Kindness - Harry Styles
1st Year, Middle Blocker : Kei Tsukishima
Grunge, white collared shirts, simple healthy meals, messy notes with scribbled and poorly drawn diagrams, books with lots of tagged places he wants to remember, existentialism, organized bookshelves with smart decor, CD collection organized by genre, probably a Frank Ocean stan, listens to podcasts about space and quantum physics, is probably a huge star wars fan, planetarium and natural history museum dates, surprises you with overpriced coffee
Love It if We Made It - the 1975
Bonfire - Childish Gambino
Godspeed - Frank Ocean
Kelso - Matty Wood$
STFU! -Rina
1st Year, Pinch Server : Tadashi Yamaguchi
Light academia, cozy socks, big blankets, lots of plants and a cat around the house, stacks of books on the floor, experiments with makeup and fashion, on weekends will work on a DIY project, needs constant reassurance but hates attention, drinks tea with honey and cream, wants to spend time with you whenever but doesn’t want to be a bother
A Phone Call in Amsterdam - Valley
Moon Song - Phoebe Bridgers
Tired - bebadoobee
Brazil - Declan McKenna
Tonight (I Wish I was Your Boy) - The 1975
3rd Year, Manager : Kiyoko Shimuzi
Minimalism, oversized hoodies with tights, white sneakers, ripped light wash jeans, probably works at a retail store in the mall, likes to buy name brand clothing, big fan of the olympics, detail oriented, really good at budgeting, fan of stationary, fresh haircuts, would write you notes and surprise you with your favorite meal every now and then
Tomboy - Princess Nokia
Check- Queen Herby
Who’s Gonna Save U Now? - Rina Sawayama
Fuck Me in Shibuya - Ashnikko
Baby Girl - Chloe x Halle
1st Year, Manager : Hitoka Yachi
Pastel, pink clouds, runs a secret stan account, wears lots of trendy and stylish clothing, doodles on napkins, dewy makeup, lots of pink blush, fake lashes, cat eyed liner, makes her lunch aesthetically pleasing, cool edits for her pictures, sends the best memes in the group chat, if it reminds her of you she’ll buy it and surprise you the next day, loves to be matching with you, makes you learn kpop dances with her, has a fuzzy keychain
NASA - Ariana Grande
Ice Cream Cake - Red Velvet
Do Me - Kim Petras
The Boys - Girl’s Generation
FANCY- TWICE
Coach Ukai
Does not know what it means to have an aesthetic, messy hair, cigarettes, canned coffee, white t shirts, baggy sweatpants, cheap meals, likes newspapers but won’t pay for it, probably borrows cash from you a lot but never pays you back, constantly watching sports clips on twitter, likes old cars and guitars, probably used to draw dicks in bathroom stalls, hates the government, has lots of stories from his twenties, makes a great breakfast when he has the time, wants you to get a matching tattoo with him,
Habit - Still Woozy
Cool With You - Her’s
Lover’s Rock - TV Girl
Outta My Mind - Monsune
You’re Gonna Live Forever In Me - John Mayer
Coach Takeda
Minimalism, sweaters over collared shirts, clean sneakers, morning meditation and workouts, fresh laundry, loves warm sheets after a wash, bonsai tree, great at making drinks, goes out of his way to make sure you’re heard and respected, knows how to knit and sew, believes in karma, annoyed if you are one your phone when with them
Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl) - Looking Glass
Come and Get Your Love- Redbone
She’s So High- Tal Bachman
Wonderwall- Oasis
Vienna- Billy Joel
@brookemasterson on spotify if you’d like the playlist ♡
#haikyuu#karasuno high#karasuno#daichi sawamura#haikyuu canons#haikyuu aesthetic#hinata#kageyama#tsukishima#yamaguchi#coach ukai#coach ukai gives me nick miller vibes#kiyoko's playlist is my favorite
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Okay this is not a read-this-asap type post because it’s not relevant to current events, it’s a personal post, so I absolutely understand skipping this post. This is mainly for myself to refer to in the future when I’m explaining myself to other people. Since starting The Secret Reports I’ve gained new followers who may not know this about me.
I am not a social person. I never have been, even as a child.
I made this blog in 2013, and from the beginning I have always said I suck at online conversations, and frankly don’t enjoy them that much. This is how I have ALWAYS been. I have told MANY people over the years I cannot give them the online friendship they want because I loathe online conversations about personal lives or interests. I have told people here on tumblr, skype, discord, twitter, even youtube when it had messages.
I like one few people in my 7th grade who did not have a facebook because I already knew I was not interested in online social interaction. When I did finally make one, for YEARS my banner said in big text “DON’T ADD ME. I WONT ACCEPT ANYONE BUT FAMILY.” and frankly even NOW I plan to remove many of the 148 friends I have on facebook since I’ve moved away from them. I don’t even really talk to my family, I have had my family group chat on mute for years. And when my family calls me I never know what to say. This is not because I don’t like my family, i LOVE my family. And my family loves ME and KNOWS this is just how I am. They’re fine with it. The only reason i HAVE a facebook is so I can keep photos from over the years, and I can be accessed in case of emergency.
I thank my best friends in the whole world for being low maintenance when it comes to me communicating with them, because they know and understand me, and they are independent enough where they don’t need me to message them frequently.
There WAS a large portion of my childhood where I thought there was something WRONG with me because nobody around me could accept how introverted and socially independent I was. But when I dropped out of highschool ( partly because of the daily overload of social interaction ) part of me said ��FUCK IT.” and stopped caring what ANYONE thought of me. And that was the best decision I have ever made.
I am SO MUCH HAPPIER now that I decided it is OKAY to want only a small circle of friends irl, and to want to keep a distance in online social interaction. It is OKAY that I don’t always want to respond or answer to messages I get. It is okay if I reject online people who say they want to get to know me personally. I have looong grown tired of stretching myself thin to serve other people’s desire to interact with me.
This isn’t about any one person. This is about me saying to MANY people “I can’t give you what you need.” and them taking it personally and holding it against me. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt people or if I will continue to hurt people in the future. But this is me, and these are the measures I take.
So what’s with the four attached images?
This was someone who (while still DEFINITELY nice and kind as you can see!) does not understand the type of person I am. And recently sending me a video (in an ask post I now deleted so they remain anonymous) about depression when they clearly do not have an accurate depiction of who I am as a person. If there’s a connection between my social distancing (in general, not cause of covid LOL) and depression, it is that a LACK of social distancing will (and has in the past) lead me to stress. NOT that I HAVE depression because of social distancing, nor that my social distancing is a sign of depression. I’ve had depression as a teenager due to an abusive relation, and I assure you I fortunately have never felt like that since then.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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Prank Wars - ch. 7
> pairing | jungkook x reader
> word count | 3.5k
> genre | college!au, fluff, smut, angst
> warnings | swearing, sexual innuendos.
> synopsis | College can be a stressful time in anyone’s life as it is, why don’t we throw a little prank war in the mix to make it harder?
> fic masterlist
> A/N | English is not my first language, I’m sorry for the eventual spelling mistake, please let me know if you find any!
CHAPTER 7 - Popcorn Stealer
It was only a week after that Jungkook’s plan came to fruition. With everyone having exams and finals, there wasn’t much hanging out in the days following the whole having-sex-in-the-heat-of-the-moment-with-you thing. But it all finally ended on a nice Thursday afternoon. The last of you who still had some sort of assignment were Jimin, Namjoon and you -you and your brother were on the same boat, having the same teacher for different lectures who was really into leaving things last minute. Jimin only had a paper left because he got so caught up helping Hoseok that he kinda forgot he had his own things to do. But at last, after class was over on that sunny but chilly afternoon, you were finally on winter brake. No one had the stamina to go out and party that night, and, as Jungkook himself suggested, you’d all meet up for brunch at Jin’s the next morning and have a chill day doing whatever.
What no one knew, however, was that Jungkook would wake up that Friday at the ass crack of dawn just to pull his prank on you. It wasn’t as if there was absolutely no contact between the two of you in the days that followed. You texted him a meme that same day, ashamed of how you handled the situation and trying to not make things awkward. It worked, you guessed, as the two of you communicated solely through facebook-mom kind of memes every day from then on. You also bumped into each other one night at your brother’s place, but if anyone noticed anything about how the two of you would avoid eye contact like two middle schoolers avoiding themselves on the school corridors after texting something risky, you didn’t know. That is, aside from the weird looks Jimin, Taehyung and Hoseok still gave you whenever you acted normal around Jungkook, they were still getting used to the friendship thing, god forbids they find out what happened. It would break them.
You woke up later then you planned Friday morning, and could hear Alice already taking her shower. You checked the time and saw that twitter was blowing up with something, but had no time to snoop around a bit because your friends would be waiting for you in twenty minutes, so you got up and decided to skip showering and just get ready. Alice was out around the same time you were finishing brushing your hair, and traded places with you in the bathroom so you could wash your face and finish getting ready. You were both at the door surprisingly on time, and texted the group chat to let them know you were on the way. It was a short walk from the dorms to Jin’s cafe, and even if it looked like it would start pouring at any moment now, you decided to ditch the car and just take the stroll there, hoping one of the boys could give the both of you a lift if you needed it later.
It was nice to leave your heavy books and computer behind for the first time in weeks. You weren’t even carrying a purse! Everything you needed fitted in your coat’s pockets. You were happily thinking to yourself throughout the first five minutes of your walk when you first noticed the commotion.
“What's going on there?” You wondered, looking at a group of people surrounding some bushes on the sidewalk.
“Oh, didn’t you see? A bunch of clothes showed up all over campus this morning” Alice took out her phone to search the tweets and show you.
“That’s so random” you passed by the group and noticed on of the round bushes was wearing a grey sweater, while another one had a simple white shirt on “funny, I have a sweater like that"
“They think it’s some sort of art project, no one claimed it yet, though” Alice found what she was searching and turned her phone to you “This one’s the most popular”.
In the picture it was the big tree in front of the main humanities building, where you had most of your classes. The tree had no leafs anymore, as expected during winter, but from it there were a bunch, and I mean a bunch, of underwear hanging. All female clothing, you noticed. The piece of resistance, the focus of the photo, was a light yellow bra with two cartoonish bears on it, one on each side where the boobs were supposed to be. You took the phone from Alice and zoomed in. It couldn’t be.
“Hey, everything alright?” You stopped on your tracks and Alice took a second to realize, coming back to you when she noticed. You gave her the cellphone back and took a better look around. On every tree leading up the main path there were at least one piece of clothing. And in the small sections without trees, there would be bushes, benches and even some lamp posts all dressed in cute blouses, bras and pants. Your cute blouses, bras and pants.
“I’m going to kill him this time, I swear I will” You started to walk again, faster this time, and Alice had a hard time keeping up with you.
“Hey! What’s wrong?” Alice held your arm to slow you down, but it didn’t really work.
“This is my stuff, Al!” You didn’t even look at her “I knew I wasn’t going crazy, I’ve been noticing that my clothes have been disappearing” Her mouth hung wide open and it would be impressive how quickly she connected the dots were not for the ongoing theme of the semester being ‘Jeon Jungkook must be ended’.
“Oh he didn’t” she picked her pace by your side “I thought you guys were cool now!”
“So did I!” You lamented to yourself. All you wanted at this point was peace and a nice break, some good food, maybe a gift or two for Christmas… Instead you’d be spending your next weeks in jail, after trying and failing to commit the perfect crime. Knowing Jungkook as well as you did, you were sure he wouldn’t even let himself be killed alright. “I was so dumb! It began when he started to come over to do his laundry” you mourned to yourself “I should have guessed he had something to do with it.”
By then you were just a few steps away from the cafe entrance, and through the window you could see the boys all inside having a laugh. You bursted in first, and the whole table they were in went silent. Your older brothers smiled sheepishly at you, but Taehyung could barely hold in his laughter, biting on his knuckles to stop himself. You could notice Alice mouthing something to Yoongi and he responding only by a motion of his shoulders. Jimin hid his face behind Hoseok, and Hobi gave Jungkook a pat on the back. And sitting there, as if he owned the place, was him. He smiled triumphantly at you and again, it all happened so fast you would only remember what went down next when your friends retold you the story later.
Passing by your side at that exact moment was Rhina, this cute freshman Jin had hired to help out with the busiest hours of the cafe. She was carrying on her tray what looked like a frappuccino or some other sort of cold drink only someone mental would order at this time of year, but it worked perfectly. You took it and made your final few steps towards the table. Hoseok still had time to try and get out of the way, but the same could not be said about Jungkook who, in a matter of seconds, was head to toe covered in cold coffee, foam and tiny marshmallows. You turned around and left before anyone could do anything. You would regret it later, when your friends would tell you about the look on his face or about the fact that he slipped when he tried to get up and ended up dragging Jin along with him, making an even bigger mess. But then, all you wanted was to get away.
You were starting to trust him, and yes, Alice would remind you later that no one knew it was actually your clothes, and that the boys ended up spending the rest of their first day of break cleaning up the campus and searching for the pieces that had been stolen to return them to you, but you were a little bit hurt by the prank.
It was just a prank, you would try to remind yourself, but you didn’t feel like getting back at him this time. You just got back to your room, turned off your phone and curled up in bed to rewatch your favorite tv show and forget that the outside world even existed.
The next day, Alice and you had made plans to watch movies at Yoongi’s. She felt bad about what happened, even if deep down she felt you over reacted a bit, and Yoongi had this massive TV he used to produce his music and made for the best home cinema ever. Besides, there were a couple of films you really wanted to see, missing them while they were on the movies because you had to study. You were supposed to meet the couple there, but Alice had a few errands to run earlier, and you just made your way to Yoongi’s place because you were bored of staying in already.
You had the password to the front door of the building, memorizing it by how often you went there with Alice, and you were just waiting for the elevator when someone stopped beside you.
“Hey” of fucking course.
“I’m not talking to you” you responded, not bothering to look at him.
“You just did” you could hear the smile on his voice.
“Seriously, Jungkook, how old are you?” The elevator doors opened and you got in, hoping he would just let you ride alone. Tough luck.
“You can’t stay mad at me forever” he tickled your side and you took a step away, trying to mask how your body reacted to the touch.
“Just watch” you pressed the number to Yoongi’s floor and crossed your arms, getting as far away as possible.
“You have to admit it was funny” he leaned into the back of the elevator with his body turned to you “and you already had your revenge, we’re even”
“I wasn’t trying to get revenge and it wasn’t funny. I can’t login into any social media without seeing my underwear all over my timeline” you huffed. “and people can be really mean, you know?”
Jungkook looked taken back by your statement, but it didn’t last long, the smile returning to his face. “Well, what did you expect when you bought yourself mickey mouse panties?”
The doors opened at Yoongi’s floor and you stepped out, glad to know Jungkook's floor was a few above the older boy. “You know what? Fuck you.”
Before the doors closed you could still hear his “you already did!” and had to take a quick look around to make sure no one heard it. You sighted relieved when you noticed you were alone, and made your way to Yoongi’s apartment.
A few hours went by with you and Yoongi alone. Alice was running late and the both of you didn’t want to start the movies without her, so you just spent de afternoon watching music videos and some random clips on youtube. Yoongi also showed you what he has been working on. His graduation project revolved around composing an EP and putting together a small concert, it sounded fun but it was actually a lot of work, since he had to do not only the production of the songs, but also the organizing of the event and all the reports and data analysis of the feedback. He was in the final stages of his album, just finishing a couple of songs, and you were the only person, besides Alice, that was shown the entirety of the work.
He had a couple of songs with ‘special guests’, them being Namjoon and Hoseok in one of the tracks, and Jungkook in another one. You knew your brother could rap, and had been to a few competitions he was a part of growing up, but Hoseok was a nice surprise, specially when you noticed how different all of their styles were. And Jungkook was also something you didn’t expect. You noticed a few musical instruments when you visited his place, and you knew he helped Yoongi on the studio, but you always assumed it was related to technical production, not singing. You hated to admit how much you appreciated his voice, and felt awkward asking Yoongi to play that track again.
“That one is not really finished yet” He commented, pausing the next one that was about to begin “I know it sounds weird, there are a few bass lines I have to tweak and-“ he started to bite on the corners of his thumb nail, and you noticed he was actually really nervous about the whole thing.
“No dude, I’m asking because I liked it” his eyes light up at that and went bigger then you ever saw them.
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, it’s my favorite so far” you smiled and scooted closer to the computer, to press the play on it again.
He went quiet immediately and you could feel he was studying your reaction, so you tried to come up with something smart to say. “I like the… guitars on it?” You knew it sounded more like a question then an affirmation, but Yoongi laughed nevertheless.
“There are no guitars on this song” ok, never mind. You hid your face in your hands and laughed alongside him, there was no point in denying that you knew nothing about music, that talent being spent entirely on your brothers.
“My bad. I really liked it though" you commented when the laughter died down.
“I was uncertain about asking Jungkook to be in it, but after last year’s bonfire festival I was convinced he could sing” he shook his head, reminiscent of a time you still weren’t around “he was always blabbering about his music skills to get girls but never actually owned up to it, and then he lost a bet with Jimin and had to perform and honestly, I had to make use of him somehow, he owned me for how many times I saved his ass…” he pondered for a while but continued “and I’m sure the fact that he’s in the track will bring some attention to the EP” you shoved him sideways and before you could ask more about that bonfire festival, someone knocked at the door.
Yoongi stood up to answer and in came Alice with, of course, Jungkook trailing behind.
“Look what the cat dragged in” Alice was carrying a bag full of groceries and pointed back at the younger boy, who was also carrying a few bags himself.
Yoongi gave them passage and took everything Jungkook was carrying, walking with Alice to the kitchen so they could put everything away. The boy stood awkwardly in the middle of the room and gave you a side smile, almost like an apology. You glared at him and turned to follow the other two, hoping they could keep you busy from looking at the intruder’s face.
“-and then I was just about to give up getting it when Jungkook showed up, so I invited him to come” Alice was finishing explaining to her boyfriend what went down on her day to keep her from coming early “I downloaded a few films, not sure what you wanted to see” she found a small pendrive in her purse and handed it to you. Finally, a task you could menage.
Yoongi and you had already set up the living room earlier, dragging his mattress to be on the floor in front of the couch and moving his giant TV out of his working desk and back to the part of the loft assigned as the living room where it was supposed to be. You were sitting on the mattress browsing Yoongi’s computer to see what were the film options, when you felt the place beside you being taken.
“What do you want?” You didn’t bother looking at him to ask.
“Can we be okay tonight?” You glared his way and saw him using the puppy eyes you were sure he learned from Taehyung.
“Are you for real?” You went back to your browsing.
“Yes, please, they have nothing to do with it, we don’t even have to talk, let’s just not, I don’t know, be us?” You looked at him again “you know what I mean! Let’s not argue, I won’t bother you, you don’t pretend you hate me-“ You opened your mouth to interrupt him but he went on “I said what I said! Let’s just be cool? Please?”
You rolled your eyes but honestly, you could take a break from the bickering and, as annoyed as you were with the existence of Jeon Jungkook, you could play nice for a night “fine, but don’t force it” he smiled big and stood up, running back to the kitchen to help your other friends, but not before turning around midway to, not only catch you staring, but also give you a wink. What an asshole.
Alice had downloaded quite a variety of movies, most of them you didn’t even recognize, but after checking with everyone a few times to find one that had not been seen by anyone, you set on a war film. Not your favorite but you could menage. Yoongi made popcorn and Alice filled a few big cups with your beverages and you were all set to go. Not even ten minutes in, Jungkook had managed to spill all his popcorn and scooted closer to you to steal from your bucket.
“For real?” You whispered to him, trying not to bother Alice and Yoongi sitting behind you on the sofa, cuddling under the blankets. He just grabbed a handful and shoved it all on his mouth, you heard Alice chuckle behind you and noticed she witnessed the whole thing but, instead of sticking with you as a best friend should, she just did the same with Yoongi’s bucket, but was not reprimanded at all.
“You should be more like Yoongi” Jungkook whispered back to you, still with food in his mouth. You grabbed more of you popcorn and shoved it to him, shutting him up again.
“And you should be quiet” there was no point fighting him, so you just got comfortable and tried to enjoy the film with him constantly stealing your food.
You were in your third movie of the night. After the war film you watched an animation, Alice’s pick, and now a drama was playing. You had seen that one already, but Jungkook was adamant in watching it so you just let him be. It was about halfway through and you were starting to feel sleepy. You were sitting shoulder to shoulder with Jungkook, not because of the popcorn anymore, but because he was supposedly cold and Yoongi only had two clean blankets, so you had to share. You started to scoot down, to lay more on the mattress and make yourself more comfortable. Jungkook noticed it and did the same. You looked at him, but he only motioned at the fabric covering the two of you, as if saying that you were dragging it with you and he wanted the warmth. The two of you adjusted to the new position and soon enough you were not capable of keeping your eyes open any longer.
Jungkook noticed you had fallen asleep and tried to drag from under you one of the cushions you had supporting your head, to make you more comfortable. You were already insufferable as it was, he was not excited to deal with you with neck pains. But in trying to do so, he ended up pulling both the pillows, and had to support your head with his hand, trying his hard not to wake you up. Before he could figure out how to put the pillow back in it’s place, however, you rearranged yourself to lay on his arm, and then scooted closer to lay on his shoulder. He had no way out of it if he didn’t want to wake you up, so he just let you be. Before he could turn his attention back to the movie, however, he sneaked a sniff of your hair. Chocolate and coconut, like a Barbie one of his cousins had when he was little. He turned back his attention to the movie but, as much as he was liking it, it wasn’t long before he too was knocked out.
Behind the two of you, Alice and Yoongi were still wide awake. Yoongi nudged Alice when he noticed Jungkook was starting to waver, and they witnessed when he laid his head on yours and fell asleep. They didn’t thought much of it, continuing with the movie unbothered, but soon after, when you turned to Jungkook and hugged his arm, and he, by reflex, scooted closer, the couple shared a knowing look between them.
> A/N | This is a shorter chapter, more like a filler tbh, because the next one is getting quite big, just wait for it ;) I was going to take a little longer to post, but I want to try and get chapter 8 up by the 21st (comeback day aaaaaaaa who else can barely hold on their excitement?) so there's that. It's a whole lot of fluff for now but if there's anyone eagerly awaiting for the angst: I promise it's coming reaaaal soon. Longer note, I guess I felt like talking today. Have a nice day, wherever and whoever you are :)
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#jungkook#jeon jungkook#jungkook x reader#bts jungkook#jungkook smut#bts fanfic#bts x you#college!bts#university bts#smut#angst#fluff#college!au#university!au#prank wars
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Emma’s 2020 Questionnaire!
Your Name: Emma Characters: Phineas Flynn, Tiana Truitt, Aquata Triton, Henry Charming, Evelyn Deavor Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you!) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now? I’m going to talk about Phineas because I’ve had him for the longest and I think he’s the one I’ve been able to spend the most time developing. So basically something I struggled with when I first picked up Phineas was how he deals with people he doesn’t like, because in the show I don’t think he really dislikes anyone. And I feel like this drama with Tony recently has finally helped me crack what Phineas’s deal is when it comes to conflict-- he doesn’t really feel down about it unless he feels like his character is being questioned, and that’s why with Wilbur he’s mostly like whatever while with Tony and Lock (in the past) Phineas has gotten petty and vindictive-- he doesn’t like the role he’s found himself in and he takes that personally if that makes sense. (Also Phineas just way prioritizes his job with Cornelius over getting back at Wilbur, even if he’ll make the occasional jab at Wilbur in Among Us or on Twitter). So that’s been really cool to explore. And I think he’s also gotten a little less finance-bro-y than I originally intended, but I think that side of him will definitely come out once he graduates and goes to uni. I think the thing I’m most proud of with him is kind of maintaining that balance between being totally likeable and fun while also pretty infuriating and obtuse, like he’s a sweet and well-meaning person who’s also really annoying and idk I think I do that balance well.
Pick another character (or the same character if you only have one) and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them going into the new year? I’m really excited to see where Tiana goes! Ever since I picked her up, I’ve been focused on this goal of getting the restaurant to happen and now that I’ve done that, there are a lot of possibilities. I want to see Tiana burn out from the stress a little bit-- maybe take on more than she can handle because a big part of her arc has been learning to accept help and collaborate with people, and I got to do that a lot with planning Tiana’s Place, but I would also really like to see that continue because those tendencies don’t really go away. I also want LOVE for Tiana even though I keep saying she doesn’t have time for it-- I want her to get a stupid crush that distracts her from work lol I think it could be really fun. And I’m also really excited to keep developing all her friendships, I love all of her Swynlake native connections and PRINCESS HOUSE and other small business owners and now that she really feels like she has put down roots with her restaurant, I want to see her branching out more.
Pick a thread or a plot that you’re proud of and talk about why you loved it. In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths. Ok sorry to keep talking about Tiana I promise I have other characters but I’m really proud of all of the different characters I incorporated into the Tiana’s Place opening. My goal was to make a real community effort to show that, no matter how much she wanted to do it on her own, she still has a whole group of people supporting her and who have a stake in it-- from Nuka and Ratigan in the beginning with the financial stuff to Clara and Toulouse and Laszlo with the music/art to Jun and Al for business advice to all the people who donated to the raffle. And the raffle was so fun and I hope people use that for plots!!
I also gotta shout out one more: writing the pirates AU Phineas and Ferb stuff was so much fun and really pushed me as a writer I think. I was a little uneasy going into pirates because action/movement/fights are not my strong suit and I knew there would be a lot of that. But the generated stuff was really helpful in kickstarting some ideas and Sid was so great to work with on that. I thought we got really creative and personally I had so much fun and I hope other people did too.
In terms of strengths for my writing-- I think I’m good with flaws? Like even characters who are really sweet and nice (I’m looking at you Henry) I think I try to show the different sides of them and explore how you can be both really well-meaning and really misguided at the same time. And I think that’s good because it has the potential to cause conflict and drive forward more plots where there’s no clear ~bad guy~ just flawed people trying their best and that’s the most interesting stuff to me. Of course I also love big bads! I think macro plots are really important. I think my niche though is those petty little conflicts and I think I do a good job with them.
I’m adding another too because you know what why not. I think I've gotten pretty creative recently?? Like I’ve done some really weird fun stuff this year-- Henry and Jake’s acapella audition is up there as one of my favorite threads, and I’m really excited about Tiana and Aurora’s fake date and Greg and Q doing Santa’s Workshop and I think Henry’s first open was one of my favorite opens I’ve done. Idk I think one of my insecurities about RP has always been that I worry I don’t bring enough ideas to the table with plotting and I think I’m getting better at letting my brain dream up weird cool stuff.
In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.
Like I said, plotting is still something I struggle with-- I spent the majority of my early RP experience in a very gif-chat-heavy open-heavy fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants rp, so coming to BDRP even back during round 1 in 2017, plotting was a big surprise to me. And this is also something that I struggle with in my non-RP writing-- story arc and structure is something I have always wanted to improve. But I think I’m getting better at fleshing out ideas and not putting too much pressure on myself. And I think I’m also getting better at stepping out of my comfort zone and messaging people I don’t write with as often which is important because literally everyone here is so fun and talented! So I want to keep doing that. I know I can be a little shy sometimes (this sounds SO weird I never shut up lol but it’s how I feel) and I don’t want that to hold me back
In terms of actual writing stuff, I’d like to expand my vocabulary a bit more? I think I use certain words and phrasing so often that it annoys me and maybe it annoys no one else and my writing will be worse if I try to throw in unnecessary words but yeah. I think reading more will help with that. And in general I just really want to get better at thinking stuff through and building story arcs.
Pick one of your plots, or even just a character, and come up with a list of 3-5 “mentor texts” where you can look for inspiration or research, then write a short (2-4 sentences) why you picked those texts. (They don’t have to be books, either!)
Ev is the one I feel like I need to do the most development on so here goes!
1. Red White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston, specifically the character Nora
Messy nerd girls! Messy nerd girls! Please recommend me more things with messy nerd girls! Nora is basically Ev’s exterior, the person people know her as. She’s chaotic and fun and relatable, and also kind of a genius.
2. Macbeth, specifically the character Lady Macbeth
This is one I wanna dive into! I’ve seen a heavily abridged version of Macbeth and that’s about it but I have a copy sitting on my desk. I love a villain who likes to stay behind the scenes and pull the strings, and while Ev is in this for “moral reasons” (lol) she’s also in this for #power. I’m not used to playing manipulative villains-- I’m usually more of a henchperson type deal, so the ultimate 4-D chess gal would be some good inspo.
3. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, specifically Professor Quirrell.
Ok I am really sorry to bring Harry Potter into this but I think something that’s important about Ev is that one of the things distracting from her villainy is her vague air of incompetency. We know she’s very smart and she has the whole nutty-professor thing going, but she’s kind of a mess and I want characters to underestimate her. I think Quirrell’s vibe of being nervous about everything is similar to Ev’s messy exterior and I would love a good end-of-the-book villain reveal. And now, a wishlist! Jot down a few themes or stories or genres etc that you want to maybe pursue in the upcoming year! (i.e. a good ol’ fashion forbidden romance, maybe you want to dig deep into racial identity etc) This doesn’t have to necessarily be attached to any characters or stories you have now– it’s just meant to help you see for yourself what kind of stories call to your heart.
Oooh so many things. Generally more romance-- I always hesitate a little with shipping IDK WHY maybe it’s insecurity about jumping into what always feels like a bit plot to me lol. But I wanna take that plunge more-- especially with Tiana! But I’m pretty much open to stuff with anyone, especially really silly rom-com type stuff. I also think that my shipping niche is super complicated stuff with villains (the irony and craziness of the Henleigh situation is so FASCINATING and FUN and I want MORE OF THAT) so just saying a I’m-flirting-with-you-because-you’re-a-good-ally-to-have-on-my-side-oh-no-I’m-actually-falling-for-you thing with Ev could be really fun (LISTEN her entire tag is just shipping content. I scroll through so much of it so of course it gave me some ideas)
I’m also REALLY jazzed about the uni stuff going on right now. Like I’ve said before, I think college is a really interesting place and so much weird shit happens there because you have all these 18-22 year olds living in close quarters and they come up with weird ways to entertain themselves. The secret santa/RA stuff has me loling every day and I just love stuff like that. Like, I’d love to have shenanigans like people sneaking into dorms and staying up until 3 am in the library and all that stuff. I just love that stuff.
Also I am really trying to do big bad stuff with Ev!! As I have mentioned... plotting and story arcs are a major thing I’m trying to work on, so it’s a lot to think about, but I would really just love to do all kinds of things-- I’d love to have her enable small-time villains, or manipulate people who are easily swayed, or to trick people. It’s a new area for me, but it’s something I’m excited about and I want to challenge myself.
OPTIONAL: Why do you RP?
Because I literally can’t stop apparently lol. No but the thing I love about RP is getting to collaborate on a story and getting surprised by people, getting to geek out about something that I can also participate in, and having NO RULES. I think there’s something really special about having an interest that I can’t monetize or market, that I can do for pure fun out of my love of creating and writing. And I love having a community of people on the ride with me. It’s so much fun and I’m so grateful for you guys!
I always end with a gif so here’s my favorite gif it legit makes me laugh out loud
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Party Bust || Stevie, Juliette, Chase, and Gabrielle
tw: violence, drinking
Chase: Chase got into Stevie's car. "Thank you for getting me, I'm a mess. I can't drive. I've been tracking her location for hours and it says she's at home and I went up there and she left her phone" said the boy as he buckled up.
Stevie: "Dude don't mention it." Stevie pulled out of the Hale's driveway and looked over at him. "Do you know where this party is at? Maybe someone on twitter was talking about it."
Chase: "I have two possible addresses" said Chase sending them both to her over airdrop. "We're just going to have to try both" he replied. He was so stressed out, he ran his hands through his hair and looked out the window, "I mentioned how she should ease into what we used to do. Like I told her that I didn't want to just jump back into things. Do you think she's talking to someone at this party? Or do you think Juliette's getting more attention from guys? And Gabrielle is blowing them off? Because she loves me?" said the boy nervously.
Stevie: Stevie put in the first address into her phone and tried that one. She tried to keep her cool in front of Chase, but seeing him so stress was making her even more stressed. "No way, man. She loves you. There's no way-" she stopped herself as Chase brought up the possibility of Juliette getting attention from guys. It only freaked her out more. "She loves you. It'll be fine." she pulled up to the house. "Alright, let's go."
Chase: Chase hopped out of the car quickly, "Let's stick together. None of that Fred bullshit from the Mystery Gang" said the boy as they entered the party. It was loud, and the girls were no where to be found. Then he saw that blonde head of hair, and she had some guy flirting with her. "Um, you just go get both of them" said Chase, feeling like absolute shit. He should probably go over there and straighten that guy out.
Stevie: Stevie couldn't help but smile at his Fred comment. She stuck with Chase as they looked for the girls and looked over at her friend after seeing some dude flirting with Gabrielle. "Me? No way, man. You got this. That's your girl." she placed her hand on Chase's shoulder. "Make sure he knows that."
Chase: Chase was ready to rumble, she was fucking right. That was his girl. "Hey dipshit, piss off" said Chase walking up to the guy, he was only like half an inch shorter than him. He could take him for sure. "Nah, little man. This girl is wild, I'm convincing her to go out with me. Go simp somewhere else" said the other guy. Chase had had enough, between Griffin and all of this bullshit about other guys trying to date his girlfriend, he was done. Chase decked him in the face. "Fuck that hurt" he said holding his hand in his other hand. The guy came back to tackle him, and they fought on the ground -Chase getting the upperhand- before other guys at the party broke it up.
Gabrielle: GAbrielle was pretty white girl wasted. She was having a conversation with the guy but she really wasn't understanding his flirting efforts as she was on the boarder line of blacking out. Though the fight moved so fast in front of her so she didn't have tome to react much. Once the fight was broke up, she kicked the other guy in the shin. "Don't touch my boyfriend!" She shouted before slipping her hair over her shoulder
Stevie: Stevie smiled proudly at Chase but quickly panicked the moment the other guy tackled him. She tried to help as much as she could, but once Gabrielle came in to kick the guy in the shin, Stevie held out her hands to make sure the girl wouldn't lose balance. "Damn, you okay?" she asked as she helped Chase get up. "You were doing good." she said, referring to the fight, in hopes that it would boosts his confidence a bit. He deserved that.(edited)
Chase: Chase brushed himself off. "I think I kinda kicked his ass" he said, his hand hurting so bad. "Don't tell me otherwise, I don't need to know" Chase added with a laugh to Stevie. "Now Gabrielle, what the hell? Who was that?" said Chase, giving her a crazed look.
Juliette: "STEEEEEVIEEEEE" said Juliette running over to her, "Did you see that fight? That was crazy! I know that guy!" said the girl in a drunken stupor.
Gabrielle: GAbrielle shrugged. "I really wish I knew." She said with a laugh. "He kept just going on an on and on about his football trophies. Like yawn." She said as she threw her arms around Chase. "Thanks for making him shut up." She said with a smile. "Jules!"
Stevie: Stevie nodded her head, "Totally kicked ass." she said to Chase before her attention was drawn to Juliette. "Hey, yeah that shit was pretty wild." she asked with a small smile. She wasn't even sure if the girl wanted to see her at this point, but she was just glad she found Juliette. "You doing okay?"
Juliette: "Brielle! Stevie's here! And Chase!" she said with big excited eyes and a huge smile. She was so happy, and so very very drunk.
Chase: "Let's get the two of you home" said Chase, giving Gabrielle a kiss on the cheek. "And you are getting a lesson about how you're not letting other boys flirt with you when you help me ice my hand" said the boy to his girlfriend. There was no way that was happening tonight though, she was gonezo.
Gabrielle: "Right!" Gabi said looking at Juliette. "They came for us." She said excited to see them both. "Maybe later." Gabrielle said with a laugh as she held onto him. "Will you carry me." She added in, giving a puppy face.
Chase: Chase turned around so she could jump on his back, "Cmon" he said reluctantly, he was happy to have her safe and sound.
Stevie: Stevie noticed Chase carry Gabrielle, and what kind of person would Stevie be if she made Juliette walk? "Would you like to get carried too?" she asked, hoping the girl would say yes. No reason. Just trying to be nice.
Juliette: Juliette's eyes lit up, "ooooOooooh yes please" she said hopping on the girls back and giving her a big ole smooch on the cheek. "You're the best! I can't believe you've been at the party the whole time!" she said, stupidly.
Gabrielle: Gabrielle hopped onto Chases back, wrapping her legs around his waist and she rested her head on his shoulder. "What are we going to do now babe?"
Stevie: Stevie couldn't hold back her smile as Juliette kissed her cheek. "Crazy right? The universe just keeps putting us together." she teased her before walking out of the house. "Want me to drop you guys off first?" she asked Chase.
Chase: "Yeah, just the guest house parking area" said Chase, "Where you picked me up". He was ready to get this girl into bed and some pjs. Parenting never stops.
Juliette: "You guys came together?" said Juliette, trying to put it together, "Are you two friends?" she asked, "wait are you just here for us?"
Gabrielle: "Am I sleeping over?" Gabi questioned. She hoped he would say yes. "I didn't know you guys were friends." Gabrielle said as she held on tight to him, though, she didn't always listen about all of his friends
Stevie: "Yeah, we're pretty cool with each other." Stevie nodded, not realizing that either one of the girls knew her and Chase were friends. "We just wanted to make sure you both were okay." she answered Juliette as she got to Gabrielle and Chase's place.
Chase: "Yeah we've been friends pretty much all year, it's a group chat thing don't worry about it" said Chase, realizing he'd never mentioned it. "Alright babe, let's get you inside" said the boy opening up the car door for her.
#juliettexgabrielle#juliettexstevie#threads || stevie and juliette#threads || gabrielle and juliette#threads || gabrielle and chase#threads || stevie and chase#stevie and chase || 001#stevie and juliette || 003#gabrielle and juliette || 004#gabrielle and chase || 005#juliettexchase#chasexjuliette#tw: violence#tw: drinking
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A Recorded Life (7/50) - Miraculous Ladybug
Words: 1410 Summary: People loved the last video starring Marinette and Adrien, and now she's got a meeting with Jagged Stone to stress about! All of this begins to pile on Marinette, and she needs a good friend to talk her out of freaking out. Author's Note: a little slower, but an important chapter! The next few are going to be a lot of fun...now I'm just figuring out where to put the climax of this story. I still don't even know how long I want it to be!! But, I am really enjoying writing it, and I'm glad people are enjoying reading it!
Prev / Next
Another Thing To Keep Track Of
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"Marinette! I saw Jagged Stone's tweet. Are you guys actually doing a video together?" Nino ran up and asked as soon as he saw Marinette.
Early in the morning, Marinette was not prepared to hear Nino screaming. But she still turned around from her conversation with Alya and smiled widely at Nino, nodding quickly. "Yeah! He gets in town tonight, then I'm going to his hotel tomorrow, and we're shooting a video. I haven't fully finished planning for it, but it's going to be an awesome video," Marinette promised.
"You guys have collaborated a lot, so I have no doubt this will be just as awesome," Alya intervened. "Now, can we talk about how your video is still trending three days later?"
Shaking her head, Marinette shrugged. "I've had videos trend before."
"But not like this! This one is on YouTube and Twitter!" Alya put her hands on Marinette's shoulders, shaking lightly. "Besides, the whole internet wants you and Adrien together."
Marinette took a deep breath. "Honestly, Alya, I'm trying to stay cool about the whole thing. These past few weeks have been some of the best for my channel- views, likes, and subscribers are up. Not only just on the videos with Adrien, though, but people also seem to find me from those trending videos and watch a bunch of my other stuff. That's not normal," Marinette said. "Most times, people watch what's recommended, then don't watch anymore," She shook her head.
"You're just so likable people want to come back for more!" Alya nudged Marinette's side. "People come for the Adrien content, stay for the marvelous Marinette."
The three of them stopped talking when they heard Chloe scoff at them. "I think you're only trending because the three of you bought more views," Chloe rolled her eyes.
"Chloe, if I did that, YouTube knows how to find out. I basically wouldn't have a job if I bought views. Besides, the views, likes, and comments match up," Marinette smirked. "I've studied the statistics of everything and spend way too much time on my videos to buy views- people will watch my videos if they want, I'm not going to fake it," Marinette defended herself.
"Anyways, Marinette's not like that," Adrien said once he walked in the classroom. "It was a super fun video to make, and the reaction from fans is amazing, no wonder it's still trending. We had fun making it, and that shows, people like that," Adrien said as he stood next to Marinette. He may be childhood friends with Chloe, but he's seen how she can be, and he still has to put her in her place from time to time.
"Hhmph!" Chloe pouted and turned to her seat, clearly at a loss for words.
The attention steered away from Chloe and back to their small group. "I can't believe it's still trending!" Adrien whisper-shouted. "The video was awesome, but people like it a hundred times more than we projected!"
Alya giggled. "People do love seeing you guys together," She shrugged, dropping the slyest of hints.
Marinette rolled her eyes as everyone headed to their seats. "Hey, Adrien," Marinette called, and he turned around. "I'm almost finished with that design I teased. Will you be free Friday night or Saturday?"
Adrien thought for a second. "I'll find out as soon as I get home," He smiled. "I can't wait to see it!"
"Sounds like a plan," Marinette nodded and took out her books.
—
A thump sounded behind Ladybug, causing her to jump at the sudden noise. "Did I scare you, my lady?" Chat Noir asked. "I'm not used to seeing you sitting here, slumping," He commented and took a seat next to her.
"I'm fine," She replied. "Just a little stressed."
"How come? I know talking about it can be a way to destress sometimes," Chat Noir said. With a head shake no, Chat Noir sighed. "You don't have to; I just wanted to offer."
Ladybug laid back on the rooftop and put her hands over her eyes. "There's just so much going on, Chat, and everything is moving so fast. I graduate from school in just a few months, and we still haven't defeated Hawkmoth. What happens when we go to University? What if I go to another city...I can't imagine giving up my Miraculous, especially not when Hawkmoth is still out there. We know how to fight him, and we are so close to defeating him, if only we could find him," She groaned and took a deep breath.
Chat Noir listened in silence as she talked. "I've basically got two jobs, and I could quit one if I wanted, but I love both of them so much. Tomorrow, I have a big meeting with someone, and he won't tell me what it is about, and that's stressing me out. Last time he had a surprise for me, national television made fun of me for it. I'm sure tomorrow will go fine, and I've worked with him before, but he can work in mysterious ways," Ladybug continued, freaking out about her meeting as Marinette with Jagged Stone tomorrow. They were going to do a video, and he said he had the perfect idea for it, yet never mentioned what it was.
For a minute they sat in silence as Ladybug could feel stress tears come to her eyes. "Ladybug, you do so much," Chat Noir said.
Uncovering one of her eyes, she sniffled and looked at him. "What?"
"You go to school, work two jobs, have a social life, and still protect Paris. I may not know much about your life under the mask, but I know it's just as amazing as the one I've learned to know here," He said. "I'll never understand how you do it and never crash from exhaustion. I've done that before, and trust me, I'm not nearly as busy as you are," Chat Noir said. "You're, dare I say, miraculous."
Ladybug rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Thank you, Chat Noir. I really needed to hear that. I can talk to my friends about all this, but they don't know this side of my life and understand the stress I have from it," She told him. "Can I ask you one more question?"
"Of course."
Ladybug thought about how to phrase her question to ensure he wouldn't be able to figure out who she was going to talk about. "I've been friends with this guy for a while- probably as long as you and I have known each other, actually. We were technically friends for a while, though, I was always too nervous to actually say two words to him because we are in such different levels. He's best friends with my best friends boyfriend, too, so we've always had mutual connections," Ladybug rambled on, then took a big breath.
"Okay, to the point. Recently, we have grown closer. Like, really close. Close to the point where we now hang out without our other friends around and act like we've known each other like this for years," She said. "And I had a huge crush on him. I think it's still there, but I've learned how to hide and suppress it. But we spend so much time together; I'm afraid it's going to come out full force. Is it weird to like your close friend?"
Chat Noir shook his head once she finished, thinking of how he feels about Ladybug. "Not at all. It's kind of like skipping a step, I think. When dating, you have to get to know each other and if you'd be compatible. If you start dating from being friends, then you already know each other, and you've skipped the awkward stages of getting to know one another. You already have an idea of how the two of you would work out, and if dating would be better for the both of you," Chat Noir sighed once he realized he was giving his crush advice for her crush.
Ladybug nodded slowly. "Right, that's a good way to look at it. Thank you, again. I don't know if I'm going to act on it, though, we're both ways too busy for any kind of relationship. That would just add another thing for me to keep track of," She giggled a little. "Thank you for the talk; I don't know what I would do without you," Ladybug put her hand on his shoulder.
---
tags
@lady-of-the-roses-and-lilies @bookishserendipity03 @avatheexceed @gkz10 @coccinellegirl @kat-thatoneweirdo @strawberryblondish @snow-swordswoman
#Miraculous#mlb#ml#miraculous ladybug#ladybug#chat noir#marinette dupain-cheng#adrien agreste#alya cesaire#nino lahiffe#miraculous fanfic#fanfiction#lilly writes
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Forever and Always: Part 2
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Series Summary: You and Bucky used to date, until someone got in between you two. After a year without seeing him, he pops up in your life again, and old feelings with him?Harsh words can never taken back, but can they be forgiven?
Chapter Summary: After an unexpected run in with Bucky you find yourself in need of some relaxation. your roommate Natasha sets up a girls night with two more of your best friends.
Warnings: it gets bit angsty in the middle -if you want to get the most feels play Happier by Ed Sheeran while you read-
Word Count: 1,767
A/N: I kinda suck at summarizing stuff not gonna lie to y’all. So I might stop posting a Chapter Summary. Just one more thing, I now have a Twitter and Instagram under the same user name if you want to follow me over there.
You stand there in complete shock. Watching your friends laugh in the living room. Natasha your roommate and Steve laughing at a slightly annoyed Bucky who just rolls his eyes. They only seem to notice your presence when you drop your purse and jacket at your feet. Suddenly whatever they were laughing about moments ago seems completely irrelevant.
Natasha is the first one to break the awkward silence.
“Hey Y/N, you're home early.” the feisty redhead says all too casually.
“I had a..” stopping you realize you don't want Bucky to know about your meeting with his mom today. You pull your hair in a loose bun, thinking over your words.
“It was a pretty slow day and I'm really tired so I thought I would head home early. Maybe even make dinner for once.” Natasha notices your lazy lie instantly, whether the boys notice or not you don't care.
“I just came over to ask Nat for some advice, we… I have a date with Peggy tonight.” Steve says the words in his usual calm voice. He's always been a gentle and kind person, he very rarely lost his temper. Whenever he did you knew he was deeply hurt. He’s been like that for as long as you've known him. You always admired that about him.
“Right.” you mutter.
“Y/N.” hearing your name come from Bucky’s lips makes you suddenly tear up, he has always said your name with so much love in his voice. This time is no exception.
You don’t look at him, not wanting to risk breaking in front of him.
You begin to feel regret well up inside of you. You broke this wonderful man's heart, yet he still says your name so kindly. He should hate you for the things you said to him.
“We should probably go, Buck.” Steve cuts in. Your eyes find their way towards Bucky's, despite how close you are to crying. You forgot how beautiful his bright grayish-blue eyes are and how easily you can get lost in them.
After a few seconds he finally meets your eyes. You look away first. You can't stand seeing the hurt in his eyes, especially not when they used to look at you with so much love. If they still do you don't notice.
Whether he actually still loves you or not you can't tell and if you’re being honest with yourself, you don’t want to. One thing is for certain, no matter how much you still love each other. He has finally been able to start moving on with someone else. Someone who can love him more than you ever could, more than you ever can. Someone who is worthy of his love.
“Bye doll.” Bucky says before closing the door. You give him a slight smile, not wanting to risk breaking down In front of him.
After they leave, you don't know if you want to laugh, cry, or yell at Nat. Somehow you manage do you all three.
Hot tears roll down your pink cheeks, you let out a soft chuckle. Before turning towards your roommate, who's just standing there staring at you with her surprisingly soft emerald eyes.
“What the heck was that?” you finally decide on yelling, putting your hands on your hips. Hoping the action will emphasize your anger.
“Steve needed some advice.” Nat shrugs her shoulders like it's no big deal that your ex, who you haven't seen is almost a year, wasn't just standing in your living room looking as annoyingly handsome as ever.
“and that advice had to be given in our living room? Not -I don't know- over the phone, and Why didn't you warn me? I would have gone out for dinner if I knew.” you let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing your hands over your eyes.
“Cut the crap, Y/N. You know you can't avoid him forever. You're both in the same friend group, you're bound to run into each other at some point. You might as well get used to it.” she plops onto the couch, taking a sip of her beer.
To most, Nat comes off as rude and headstrong. But she actually cares, more than she leads people to believe. She means well and has more common sense than you. She's your best friend, without her you would've made a lot more dumb decisions in your life
“I know, I'm sorry.” you sit down next to her on the couch.
“But my living room was the last place I expected, or wanted to have our first meeting after nearly a year.” you say, sitting down next to her.
“So, want to tell me why you're really home early? Or are you going to pretend that, ‘it was a slow day' is the truth?” she makes sure to emphasize my words, using her fingers to be extra dramatic.
“Stressful day is all. I will tell you more after you tell me what advice Steve so desperately needed.” she just sighs, rolling her eyes.
“Fine, he was going to propose to Peggy tonight.” she has to cover her ears due to the loud squeal you just let out.
“Gosh woman, let me finish.” you let out an inaudible sorry.
“But I told him he should wait until London.” you find yourself super excited for one of your best friends,but also a little bit jealous.
Peggy and Steve started dating around the same time as you and Bucky. You always talked about wanting to have your weddings close together, and having kids at the same time.
Quickly you push your negative emotions away and focus on being happy for your friends.
Soon you begin to share with Nat the events of your day, starting with your meeting this afternoon. Although you leave out your dream from last night, wanting to keep that memory for yourself.
She's fairly calm when you mention that Bucky might still have feelings for you, though you don't seem to notice her slight smirk, she doesn’t say anything about it.
“I can't believe she actually had the balls to visit you like that. Especially after everything she did to you.” Natasha exclaims popping a munchkin into her mouth.
“But I'm proud of you, ya know.” you lean your head on her shoulder. You don't ask her to explain and she knows she doesn't need to. You already know what she means. I'm proud of you for how you handled Bucky tonight.
After a long week you're happy to have a day to sleep in. You wake up slowly to the smell of bacon and coffee wafting through the air. You make your way to the kitchen.
To your surprise you find Nat with two plates made up of bacon, pancakes and a fresh pot of coffee being made.
“You, my friend, are an angel.” you smile tiredly at your amazing roommate.
“Only on the weekend.” Natasha laughs, setting a full plate of food in front of you. You are rarely ever able to have breakfast with your roommate except on weekends.
It's a nice chance for you both of catch up.
After breakfast you start to clean up. You both have a rule, whoever cooks gets a free pass from clean up duty.
“Hey” Nat says from her place at the kitchen counter.
“I asked Peggy and Wanda if they’re up for a girls night tonight.” you acknowledge her by nodding, you're busy washing dishes.
“Wanda's down, Peggy said she has to work it out with Stevie.” Stevie is Peggy's nickname for him. He secretly loves it when she calls him that, whenever we tease him about it he gets all flustered.
“I'll make sure she's here. Even if I have to drag her here by her perfect neck.” that makes you laugh, something you feel like you haven't done in a very long time.
“Good luck with that. Steve is practically glued to her side.” Nat smiles back at you, ignoring your comment
“Was that a laugh, like a real genuine laugh?” she smiles brightly at you, poking you in the ribs. You roll your eyes at her.
Peggy and Wanda arrive around eight with enough snacks and drinks to last until next year -given that New Year's Day is only two months away- you haven't been able to hang out with your friends like this in a while.
Wanda owns her own antique jewelry shop and tends to get busier during the Holidays.
Peggy is constantly traveling between London and New York. Especially since her dad has been needing more and more help with his real estate company.
As for Natasha, she is a yoga instructor. Although you would think teaching self defense or Martial arts would be more her style.
You and Peggy are sitting on the couch chatting about her date with Steve last night. Wanda and is sitting at the coffee table making jewel while Nat is sitting on the floor near the couch painting her toe nails a bright shade of red. They’re both listening intently on Peggy's story.
“I was convinced he was going to propose. He was so nervous, we even went back to the place we had our first date.” she whinges in her perfect British Accent.
“Steve, propose? Hun, your gonna have to be the one proposing. The man can't ask for a favor without getting nervous.” Wanda says bluntly, measuring a ring she just made. Nat bursts out laughing at her bluntness. Peggy just rolls her eyes at them.
“Well” you start, a small smirk spreading on your face.
“You and Steve do have a trip to London planned. Maybe he's waiting to do it there.” If looks could kill, then Nat would definitely be throwing daggers at you. Peggy on the other hand looks like she could pass out from excitement.
“Do you really think so?” You suddenly feel bad for saying anything.
“It’s just a guess, I don’t know what he’s thinking.” instead of making the situation better you feel like you only made it worse.
“Have you guys seen that movie that Chris Hemsworth is in?” Wanda cuts in so I don’t run my mouth even more than I already have. She knows it’ll easily distract Peggy, seeing as she loves Chris Hemsworth -I mean, who doesn’t- You grab the T.V remote to set up the movie.
Nat and Peggy go to the kitchen to grab more snacks from the fridge. Soon enough you’re all squeezed onto your suddenly very small couch.
You let out a sigh, happy to be around your best friends.
Part 3
@justreadingfics @soopranatural
#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x reader fanfic#bucky x reader fanfiction#my fanfiction#always and forever#always and forever fanfic#marvel#modern au#modern bucky#modern fanfic#bucky angst#bucky barnes angst#angst#bucky barnes#steve rodgers#natasha romanoff#wanda maximoff#peggy carter#reader fanfiction#writing#my writing#fanfiction#fanfic
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ANOTHER personal post bc I deleted my facebook since no one reads that shit anyway and I need to let it out somewhere so THERE
I am…deeply damaged, by many things, but especially by my first “real” fandom???
Like, yea, I was hardcore into like Sailor Moon and Pokemon and Britney and shit as a kid, but that doesn’t really count for me. The first real fandom to me, was the first one I really spent my own money on, on merch, concerts etc. The one I was pushed into bc a “friend” tried to use it to exclude me from her talks with her best friend, so I had to learn it all v quickly to keep up with them and not be excluded every. single. time we spent time together. Her friend was cool with me and just focussed on topics we could all talk about or would explain things I didn’t get, but the other one, wow.
And now that I’m saying it, I realise how much deeper it goes than i realised.
I learned all that cryptic shit about the band within days and learned every song, which album it’s on, downloaded a whole bunch of pictures and forced myself to become obsessed within a week or less, just so I could join their talks. Of course that didn’t help me, because she only became annoyed with that and ended up mocking me for being too obsessed and all kinds of shit, or would change the topic to another thing I wasn’t involved in, like their shared trip to Paris, which I would never be able to catch up on.
And nowadays, I sill have a habit of forcing myself to “learn” fandoms in days and after 24-36 hours of obsessing (sometimes with a little pre-game/getting to know phase these days though) I just become so fuckin burned out I cannot enjoy it for at least another full day, sometimes a week or anywhere in between. It sucks.
But the whole situation, having been forced into it only to be ridiculed again, ended up pushing me even deeper into that fandom, because I guess, in the beginning, I thought if I love it enough, it will get me accepted as a real fan, but of course things only got worse. More people thought i had lost it for being that obsessed with the band, having no other topic anymore. On the other hand, the band had all these messages of their fans being their family and connection and whatnot. The kind of bullshit that a teenager with abuse at home and angry/overworked/stressed/… parents with no time for anyone would absolutely run into to feel a little taste of family and comfort.
It completely spiralled out of control. I was existing only for that stupid fucking band. I was existing entirely online and for the times I could go back online to talk in chat groups and message boards and whatever the fuck it was we had back then, to talk to other fans, some of whom actually became my friends, and stalk the shit out of that band. Any and every update had to be documented and I had to know it. Every picture, no matter how intimate. The shit I had found out about the band in the end was unhealthy! Pictures buried so deep in the web, because they were so personal, not even the most deranged fans would dare re-post them, but I ended up saving them just to be safe, just to have something. I honestly disgusted myself at that point, but I couldn’t stop, somehow. And I still find it gross, but I also know I was maybe 17 at the time I went that far out. My dad had just died, I was grieving, I was lonely more than anything, I felt like the only actual family who had still cared about me was gone, I needed something to hold on to and went into all the wrong directions.
But despite all the deeply intimate things I knew by then, there was one big issue I had somehow managed to keep missing, until they released a video for a song that upset me on such a deeply subconscious level, that I didn’t even know why, until it built up enough to cause my first real flashback.
There was a lot of drama about it within the fandom. A few of us who actually were triggered through the video into reliving our most traumatic moment, while everyone else still praised the shit out of them and told us we were just horrible for implying anything.
We didn’t imply anything. We just said we had a hard time dealing with it. But that didn’t stop threats of violence and death, even from people I was friends with until that point.
But amongst all that, one of the friends, who had already left the fandom to the most part at that point, told me the one big thing I had kept missing: The lead singer is a rapist. He especially goes for underage girls, but ultimately, it’s all the same.
There were enough stories about it out there and even if I think one or two may be made up—oddly enough the favourable ones seem the most unlikely—I think with that amount of stories, including things my friend has seen herself, it’s pretty evident that it has happened. And once that veil was lifted, I could see it. Maybe it’s my imagination, but some signs have always been there, and many people have said the same to me over time, some who knew, and some who didn’t. But that look is there, and cannot be trusted.
This whole thing just messed with me. It messed hard with me then. I had my trauma before, but I had had it well-repressed and buried so deep in my psyche only bits and pieces came bleeding through in the weirdest ways. Not enough for anyone to notice and only for me to occasionally wonder why I’m always returning to this specific topic. (Shit, I still have the hardest time using the term, especially when applied to me…) But now I also had flashbacks, and the knowledge that for the second time now, someone I thought I loved and thought—for some reason—loved me (In a way), was actually this kind of asshole, was a goddamn rapist, and had deceived me so horribly, only for me to go through the pain and trauma all over again.
I’m still thankful I had LInkin Park at the time, to be honest. I know y’all love to make fun of them, but they were there when I was bullied at 12-13 years old and felt all alone in the world, just when “Numb” came out. Translating their lyrics is how I learned english and at that point, Chester screaming in my ears alone, was often the one thing able to keep me from dissociating every 5 minutes, but moreover, he was screaming about the exact trauma that had come to the surface, that I wasn’t equipped to handle in any way, and I just knew I wasn’t alone with it, I knew he understood. It was a little comfort keeping me from losing it entirely, and it gave me some hope that if he could make it through the same bullshit and come out on top, I could, too. Of course, a few years ago that hope got shattered, but that’s another story.
The thing about this whole experience though, is that I still suffer from it. Not only can I still not look at that shitbag’s face without rage and sickness and pain—although it’s getting easier, not that I’m trying to look at him, but he’s unavoidable these days, fucking horrible. I can never listen to their songs again, not that I want to. Even karaoke versions or covers make me run out the room with massive panic attacks. Especially the songs from the same album as the song that triggered it all. The last time someone covered their song at an event I was at, I nearly threw myself off the balcony in the hotel lobby as I was trying to get away from it, because I was that terrified and in that much pain from hearing the first line alone.
And thinking about it, maybe that’s why I no longer go to events. I told myself it was finances, but i just don’t wanna run into that again. Ever. I’m so, so thankful the same friend who had informed me of it all back then was standing by on twitter to talk to me. Typing and reading is good to get your head out of it. It’s a mental and physical sensation and forces you to think of something else, even if it’s only spelling, and I could talk to her to calm tf down.
But mostly, I’m thinking about the very, very deep sitting trust Issues towards famous people and fandom I have developed through all of it. Up to this day, I cannot trust anyone who is famous. Riches being bitches is one problem, an intellectual one for me, mostly, but this is something else.
As soon as I see someone enjoying their fame—especially white men—I get suspicious, because it’s so much like him. What if they too are like him? What if they too only want fame to attain girls they can violate? What if? How could I allow myself to like someone like that ever again? How can I allow myself to fall for this stunt again? I can’t. That’s it. I see you enjoying your fame, I cannot trust you, to protect myself, if nothing else. To not accidentally promote someone who’d do those things. To not accidentally promote them to someone, who’s led right into the trap and has to endure what so many others already had to endure, what I had to endure, even if in my case it wasn’t even a famous person.
So I shy away from anyone who seems a little too “Type-A” or too joyful about their status as celebrity or… too talented, too inhuman. I don’t even know. A lot of it comes down to the eyes, and sometimes I’m definitely right, but in some cases even I am not sure if I see it, or if I’m just scared I don’t see it when I should. (Does that make sense to you?)
On the other hand, sometimes I am certain I don’t see it, and my brain goes into overdrive, running around in circles. We don’t see it, so does that mean it’s not there, or that they are that good at deceiving us? We’ve been deceived before, we failed to see it before, who says we won’t fail this time? Do we see it now? Maybe we only think we see it because we are scared and a little paranoid. But maybe-
it’s a never-ending circle. (Kind of the definition of a circle, isn’t it?)
Every time I see a famous person I want to trust be so visibly human, and warm, or shy, and just likeable, I trust them a little more, and want to trust them a little more, and that is exactly what makes the alarm bells go off in my brain! it’s ridiculous.
Yet, every time I see the same person interact with, say, a child, I freak the hell out.
This is not normal in any way, and it cannot be, and it shouldn’t be, I shouldn’t constantly be afraid of what thoughts some adult man has towards children, literal gd toddlers in frilly dresses. I cannot keep thinking that being nice to a toddler has an ulterior motive, because it’s wrecking me the hell up! Yet here I am, unable to shake those thoughts and I don’t know what to do about it, or how to feel about myself. I was angry at myself a lot today, partly because of that. But I’ve also been deeply depressed lately, partly because so much of my actual trauma came up again and again, and now it’s not going away. I cannot even listen to remix versions of that one Lady Gaga song the band once covered, because it all brings me back (and How very shitty for a rapist to cover a song by a rape survivor too). Even worse, because that song is in my workout game.
I don’t want to have to think about all this all the time anymore, I don’t want my brain to constantly suspect the worst in people, but I cannot fucking shake it off.
I know I’m getting better, generally. I know I’m breaking through some of my fears and all, but I also know I may never be ready to actually speak about this topic with another soul. Therapist or not, no one will ever achieve the level of trust I need to open up about this the slightest bit. If someone were to approach the topic (to talk about me, not themselves, that is), I’d shoot them down. I may actually fall into a panic attack and punch them and run away I don’t know. But this conversation is not going to happen, ever. So I really don’t know how to fix it, except keep fixing myself, but I just don’t know if I can this time.
#long post#wow#a whole ass novel#just like that#boring lou-updates#rape mention cw#personal post#clearly the underlying issue is the problem here but imma blame that band#who's gonna stop me?#ALso#there is only one person I really felt comfortable talking more openly about this with#and they fuckin ditched me recently so :)))))))))))))))))))))#add another fuckin trust issue to the list babes
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