#big ps2 mood

[waterhousse]

Invisible String

pairing: college!ellie williams x reader

summary: a week in your life where someone leaves you an anonymous note and you also meet a cute girl in one of your classes.

author’s note: this is un(necessarily) LONG, so take your time to read it. i hope you still enjoy it !! <3

• • • •

monday

you were in front of your dorm, digging for your keys in the mess of your backpack when a high-pitched voice yelled your name. of course, it could only belong to you best friend, blair. you prepared yourself to receive one of her bone-crushing hugs.

“there you are! i sent you like a million messages!”

“everything okay?” you asked before pulling away.

“yeah, i just have a little proposal.”

you narrowed your eyes at her, “what are you scheming?”

“you see, my gorgeous boyfriend is throwing this massive party on friday—”

“immediately no.”

“oh, c’mon!” she grumbled. “it’s been like five months since the last time we went out together. i miss my drunk little partner,” she pouted, pinching your cheek.

you let out a laugh, softly pushing away her hand out of your face. “i’m not exactly in a party mood, blair. i’m sorry.”

you made a poor attempt to avoid eye contact, but the weight of her stare was a difficult one to ignore. you looked back at her, already defeated.

“it’s nothing serious, but i’ve just been feeling a little insecure. and i’m okay,” you were quick to clarify, “i just want to stay in my dorm and watch a movie or something. it’s only temporary, i’ll feel better soon. you know i always do,” you opened the door and waited for her to inside first.

“how many times do i have to tell you you’re gorgeous for you to believe me? look at you!”

“blair—”

“i’m serious.”

“i know you are. thank you,” you replied softly. “forget about it, let’s just go inside. i’m tired and i wanna sleep.”

your friend had a worried look on her face, but decided to drop the subject, “still no roommate?”

“nope,” you grinned, closing the door behind you. “i’d invite you to live with me but you’re too busy staying at your boyfriend’s,” you teased her.

“can you blame me? his apartment is the size of a million of these dorms combined,” she exaggerated. “besides, he’s the sweetest man to ever exist. he’s every girl’s dream.” she sighed dreamily as she threw herself on the unoccupied bed. you raised your eyebrows at her, to which she rolled her eyes. “if he were a girl you’d be after him, too.”

after your friend bragged about her boyfriend for a few more minutes, both of you ended up falling asleep, totally drained from your long, boring classes. you woke up two hours later thanks to blair’s boyfriend who called her wondering where she was.

“wanna go grab some coffee? he’s paying!” blair offered with a big smile, which you returned.

“maybe he is every girl’s dream after all.”

you and blair headed outside shortly after, gossiping about people you didn’t even know. suddenly, your sleepy eyes spotted something strange on the door, more specifically, on the whiteboard you had outside. someone had left an anonymous message on it.

the prettiest girl on campus (and of everywhere else too) i wish i could come up with the courage to talk to you. guess i’ll just admire you from afar

ps: not in a creepy way

ps2: seriously sorry if this is creepy

you stared blankly at the message, reading it over and over again.

“did you do this?”

“hold on, i’m looking for that one tweet i saw. i’m telling you, she’s cheating on him—”

“blair!”

she finally looked up from her phone, “what?”

“did you do this?” you pointed at the board.

her expression comically changed from confusion to extreme excitement, eyes widened and mouth hung open. an over exaggerated gasp left her lips before she grabbed you by the shoulders.

“oh my god! you have a secret admirer!”

“no, i don’t. that’s probably not for me. someone must’ve mistaken my dorm for somebody else’s.”

“your name is literally on that board. besides, you are the prettiest girl to ever exist, so, i’m pretty sure they’re not mistaken.” blair kept looking at the note, meticulously analyzing it. “let’s pray it’s not a man who wrote this. imagine if he confesses his feelings for you in person. he’d be in for a very awkward rejection.”

you tried to downplay the situation by telling blair it was probably just a joke, but on the inside you couldn’t stop wondering who did it. as you walked down the hallway, you discreetly checked the whiteboards from the other dorms. all they had were random doodles and people’s names, nothing else.

tuesday

you were currently sitting under a big tree, admiring the sunset. birds chirped softly at the distance, adding even more magic to the beautiful scenery in front of you, but even the peaceful atmosphere that surrounded you wasn’t enough to calm your racing mind.

the anonymous note was certainly the most interesting thing that had happened to you in a while, but you were a serial overthinker. besides making you feel extremely curious about the identity of the person who wrote it, it had also made you spiral about the way you acted towards strangers.

being content with your small circle, you never put any effort in starting conversations with someone you didn’t already know. you felt as if you didn’t need anyone else in your life, but was that a mistake? what if the mystery person tried talking to you but you acted uninterested? what if they attempted to make eye contact but you were too busy staring down?

the most important question spinning around your head was how many special bonds had you lost simply because of your behavior?

as your silent crisis continued, the sun began to disappear on the horizon until it was fully dark. your eyes quickly found the moon, with the sky being clear, you could see her perfectly.

you took out your phone to take some pictures of the satellite, as well as everything else around you. the trees, your coffee cup, an empty bench and an orange cat that was laying next to it.

just as you were taking photos of the cute animal, someone crouched down next to him to pet him. that was the moment you saw her. a girl you had never seen before, but who managed to catch your attention right away. she was simply beautiful. many people, places, art pieces and more had been described with that adjective, but in your mind, that unknown girl was the first being in history to be worthy of it. you were completely mesmerized.

you put down your phone and watched the sweet moment develop in front of you. you could tell she was speaking to the cat, who seemed to really enjoy her company. the girl got up after a few minutes, giving the cat one last scratch between his ears before leaving. a frown instantly appeared on her face the moment she looked away from the animal, making you chuckle. she looked absolutely intimidating, the total opposite of what you had just witnessed.

your eyes followed her until she disappeared from your sight, but her image stayed on your mind for the rest of the day.

wednesday

you were having one of those days when everything that can go wrong, goes wrong. you had slept through your alarm, didn’t have time to have breakfast, couldn’t find your books and forgot your jacket on your way out. one may think it couldn’t get worse, well, unfortunately, it could.

you felt your soul escape your body when the, feared by many, physics professor laid his demonic eyes on you. you were certain you looked insane; hair a total mess, completely out of breath and slightly shaking from your nervousness.

“class started ten minutes ago,” his strident voice echoed in the big classroom. you didn’t even need to look to know everyone’s eyes were on you.

“i know,” your voice pathetically quivered. “sorry.”

“for your information, if you have somewhere to be you wake early enough to make it on time. it’s not rocket science, all of your classmates did it.” when he got no reply from you, he sighed. “there’s only one more seat available at the back. lucky for you, you’ll be sitting next to one of my best students. maybe you could be friends, she could teach you how to get here on time.”

with your eyes glued to the floor, you walked straight to where the professor pointed to without making a sound. you tried your best to ignore your classmates’ stares, but they lacked discretion.

fortunately for you, a nice surprised awaited you. the student the professor mentioned was none other than the girl you had seen the day before. she was even more beautiful up-close, which wasn’t exactly a good thing. she had just witnessed your most embarrassing moment. still, her eyes radiated kindness.

“this guy’s an idiot. you were only a few minutes late and didn’t even miss much. he was just struggling to turn on the projector the whole time,” the girl whispered at you once you sat down.

you were ready to reply with just a ‘yeah’, but the crisis you had the day before stopped you.

“he’s the worst,” you replied instead. “i always feel on the verge of puking whenever he looks at me,” the regret you felt after saying that was immediate, fearing it was too much information.

you felt yourself relax at the sound of her laugh, and of course it had to be the most heavenly sound you had ever heard.

“i’m ellie williams,” she leaned in, reaching over for your hand. you introduced yourself as your brain started mindlessly picking up details about her, like the fact that she had many freckles scattered all over her face.

you held her gaze for a few seconds before looking back at the professor, who had begun talking about punctuality. he sent you multiple looks during his whole speech, you found it hilarious. he looked like as if his eyes were about to pop out of his sockets.

trying to act as normal as possible, you grabbed your water bottle and took a sip in an attempt to calm down. you realized that was a huge mistake once you glanced at ellie, who was trying her hardest to hold in her laugh. you almost spit out your water when she made eye contact with you, causing you to choke.

“shit, you alright?” she leaned in, now fully laughing, and patted your back.

“yes— yeah,” you managed to say in between your coughing and laughing. you looked around, noticing how quiet the classroom had gotten. yours’ and ellie’s voices were the only thing cutting through the deadly silence. “sorry, i choked on water— sorry,” you apologized to the professor, who was impatiently tapping his foot on the floor.

“may i continue, ladies? is that okay with you two or should i wait for you to be done?” neither of you answered, so he let out one of his classic sighs. “as i was saying…”

the moment he looked away, you covered your face with your hands, trying to muffle the giggles that were escaping your lips. ellie was in the same state as you, which only made things worse.

“if he didn’t hate me before, he sure does now,” you whispered, eyes sparkling with amusement. “why does he have to be such a dick? it’s not like a choked on purpose. i could’ve died,” you dramatized.

actually, it’d be very rare to die from choking on a liquid, ellie almost said, but she didn’t want you to think she was a smart-ass. instead, she just kept laughing.

silence grew between the two of you as you came back to your notes and tried to pay attention to the class. ellie’s eyes inevitably fell on you again, trying to come up with something to say to keep the conversation going.

“you know, i, personally, wouldn’t take advice from a person like him, but i think he’s right about us being friends.”

“yeah, i think he is,” you warmly smiled before looking down at your notes again, unable to hold her gaze.

having fun in physics class seemed impossible at the beginning of the semester, but it had actually happened. you and ellie talked the whole time, which made the minutes go by faster than expected and also annoyed everyone around you.

“see you next wednesday? try to be on time, though. i don’t want him to kill you in front of the whole class.”

you laughed at ellie’s words and nodded, “see you next week.”

i really hope it’s sooner than that, the thought appeared in your mind without warning. you watched ellie go, a shy smile appeared on your lips when she glanced back at you and caught you staring.

the rest of the morning felt boring and uneventful in comparison to physics class, so you were really excited to finally be back at your dorm. your tired eyes fell on the whiteboard, no message from the mystery person. you tried to ignore how weirdly disappointed you felt and went inside, telling yourself it had been, probably, a one time thing.

thursday

shyness had never been a problem for you but, still, socializing wasn’t really your thing. if there was a chance for you to avoid interaction with strangers, you took it, so it was certainly weird seeing ellie at the dining hall and feeling an intense need to say hi. good thing she wasn’t exactly a stranger, right?

she was sitting alone in one of the most secluded tables, eyes focused on her phone. without giving it much thought, you walked towards her, but you began second guessing your decision once you realized she probably wanted to be alone. your steps became more hesitant the closer you got to her and just as you were about to turn around and leave she looked up. her surprised expression quickly changed into a delighted one.

“hey,” she greeted as she took off her headphones.

“hi,” you smiled back as a feeling of panic started setting in. you had absolutely no idea of what to say to her.

“you can sit if you’d like,” she offered, gesturing to the seat in front of her.

“you’re not busy? i can leave if you alone if—”

“no way,” ellie shook her head and, with her foot, pushed the chair towards you before looking up at you. “c’mon, sit.”

the moment you sat down, she leaned forward. you, instinctively, leaned back, but kept your hands just a few inches away from hers. you bit the inside of your cheek, trying your hardest to hold her gaze.

“so, how you’ve been? had any nightmares about our beloved professor yelling at you?” ellie asked, amused. you internally thanked her for starting the conversation.

“i can see his spit flying at me in slow motion whenever i close my eyes,” you replied, making ellie laugh. “that was definitely the last time i’m late to class. i hate attention, if i have to go through something like that again i’ll just die on the spot.”

ellie’s smile hadn’t faded since the moment she saw you, “just try not to be late to any of his classes, he’s the only one who gives you shit for that,” she adviced. “i knew he was insane because i’ve heard about it, so i tried to get on his good side by always being early. i considered sitting at the front, too, but that was too much.”

“you always sit at the back?”

“yeah, i don’t like having people behind me. for some reason, it really freaks me out knowing someone is staring at the back of my head.”

you hummed in response, mind deep in thought. you never looked at the back when you entered the classroom, in fact, you kept your head down, but ellie had always been there.

how many special bonds had you lost simply because of your behavior?

“hey, my friend’s boyfriend is throwing a party this friday, i was wondering if you’d like to go.”

“cool, yeah, of course,” ellie quickly replied.

“yeah?” you beamed, biting down your bottom lip.

“yes,” she nodded, the corners of her mouth quirking up again, “can i bring a friend?”

“sure,” you smiled. you took out a pen and a post-it from your backpack and wrote the address before sticking it on her hand. your eyes wandered further and ended up on her watch. without a second thought, you grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer to you, tilting your head to see the time. “shit, i gotta go to class, but i’ll see you friday?”

“see you then,” ellie said, but she didn’t want you to leave, and you didn’t want to go either. she hesitated before calling your name, making you turn around. “can i walk you to class?”

the question lingered in the air as you processed it. it had caught you completely off guard, which ellie could tell just by seeing your expression. fearing she messed up, time began moving slower and slower to her until you finally accepted her offer with a huge grin on your face.

ellie released the air stuck in her lungs before catching up with you. anyone with a pair of working eyes could see how nervous the two of you were, except yourselves. you were too busy focused on not to embarrass yourself by tripping and ellie was trying to regulate her breathing. neither of you dared to talk because it would make it too obvious, but ellie finally broke the silence once you stepped outside, asking you what class you had.

you had always hated small talk because you feared there’d be a point in which you wouldn’t know what else to say, but that moment never came with ellie. the conversation flowed smoothly between smiles and chuckles from the both of you.

“oh, look!” she suddenly said, casually grabbing you by your shoulder as if she had done it a thousand times before. you followed her line of sight and gasped when your eyes spotted a familiar orange cat. it was the same one you had seen ellie pet when you didn’t even know her yet. “wanna go say hi?”

“how is that even a question?”

ellie was the first one to approach him, crouching down in front of him. you copied her action a second later, already eager to pet him.

“his name is orange. original, right?” ellie sarcastically asked, gaining a laugh from you. “i didn’t name him, by the way. he has a tag with his name.”

“hi, little guy,” you pouted, scratching the back of his head.

“he must live nearby because he’s always here,” ellie told you. “he’s missing an eye, but he’s still cute, right?” she glanced over her shoulder.

you two were close. closer than a simple girl like ellie could handle. your perfume was all that she could smell, you were the only thing she could look at and her own heartbeat was the only sound she could hear.

“he’s the cutest,” you chuckled.

you stayed there for a couple more minutes. ellie told you about the first time she saw orange and you told her about the pets you had back home. it was such a sweet conversation, both of you using soft voices to not scare the cat away.

“alright, let’s go. i don’t want you being late to another class,” ellie told you as she stood up. “see you later, dude,” she waved at orange. surprisingly, the cat meowed back. “we’re best friends,” ellie jokingly bragged as both of you began to walk again.

“do you think he’ll accept me as a friend, too?”

“oh, absolutely. he loves you already.”

you ended up getting to class just in time, but you wouldn’t have cared if you were late. if it were for you, you would’ve skipped it just to keep hanging out with ellie.

“see you tomorrow, then?” you asked, hopeful.

“see you tomorrow,” ellie confirmed as she took a few steps back in your opposite direction, her eyes never leaving you until she fully turned around.

friday

it had been a while since you’d last chosen an outfit with someone in mind, wondering if they would like it. it took a while, but you finally settled on one. it was neatly laying on top of your bed.

“she’ll totally fall in love when she sees you in that,” blair’s voice cut through the silence, startling you.

“i’ve no idea who you’re talking about,” you obviously lied.

“maybe the girl you’ve been talking to me about since you met her?” blair guessed, “or is it the mysterious person who left you that note on monday?”

“it’s not weird that i still think about who could it be, is it?”

even if you had many other things to think about, the identity of the secret admirer, as blair had called them, was something that you were still curious about. it was difficult not to overthink every interaction you had with strangers, especially those who you’d catch staring or were friendlier than normal with you.

“are you kidding? if i were you, i would’ve asked every single person on campus if they knew anything about it,” she sat down on your bed, next to where your clothes were and handed them to you with a wink. “both ellie and the secret admirer will die when they see you tonight.”

a pathetic giggle escaped your lips on the way to the bathroom. you quickly changed into your chosen outfit, a rare feeling of exciment growing on inside you.

once you arrived at the party, you wasted no time and started looking for ellie. there were many familiar faces in the already drunken crowd, some of them even waved at you, but you didn’t even notice. between the lights and the loud music, you could barely pay attention to your own thoughts.

“what was she like again?” blair asked you, trying to help you find her.

“hot,” you replied, still scanning the room.

“right, thanks. that really helps.”

you laughed, “she’s—” your description was cut short when you suddenly locked eyes with her across the room. there was someone by her side, a girl who looked familiar but you couldn’t pinpoint where you knew her from. “she’s here.”

ellie leaned into her friend’s ear to say something, but her eyes never left yours. you tried to remain calm as you watched her walk towards you, looking annoyingly attractive.

“hey, there you are,” she greeted once she was close enough for you to hear her.

“hi! you came,” you beamed. “this is blair, my best friend. blair, this is ellie.”

“it’s really nice to meet you,” ellie shot a quick glance at your friend before glueing her eyes on you again.

knowing that that was her cue to leave, blair gave you a squeeze on your arm, “if you’ll excuse me, i have to go find my boyfriend. enjoy the party,” she wiggled her eyebrows at you before disappearing into the crowd.

“shouldn’t you call your friend over?” it was a genuine question, not wanting ellie to ditch the person she was with for you, but you also needed to know if she was really just a friend.

ellie looked over her shoulder and let out a chuckle, “i think she’s pretty busy.”

confused, you looked behind her. all of your doubts were cleared once you spotted her, she was making out with some girl.

she was definitely just a friend.

“oh,” you let out a short laugh. “good for her.”

ellie nodded at your words before looking back at you again. you were still distracted by the show ellie’s friend was giving and were completely oblivious to the spell you had put her under.

“you look really good,” she blurted out.

you broke into a sweet smile at the sudden compliment, “oh, thank you. you do too. really, really good.”

the fluttering of your heart made you want to burst into giggles, feeling extremely giddy. it was obvious how flustered you were, but seeing ellie in the same state as you made you feel slightly better. you would’ve never guess she’d be the type of person who blushes.

“wanna go for something to drink?”

you nodded at her question before reaching for her hand with the excuse of not losing each other on the way to the kitchen. ellie’s fingers quickly intertwined with yours as you started to lead the way. you offered many apologizes to the people who you accidentally bumped into, the place was absolutely packed and it was difficult to move. the kitchen was no different, you had barely any place to walk.

you grabbed two beer bottles and handed one to ellie, who looked a bit flushed from the previous interaction.

“next time someone doesn’t move after i say ‘excuse me’ i’ll just hit them on their ribs,” you furrowed your eyebrows. “where did they put the bottle opener?” you muttered to yourself, but ellie seemed to have heard you.

“here, let me help.”

you passed her the bottle and watched as she opened it against the table, taking the top off immediately.

“impressive,” you praised her before taking a sip. you grimaced at the taste.

ellie leaned back on the kitchen island, keeping her eyes on you. there was an amused smirk on her lips, “you don’t like it?”

“not really. i mean, it’s not like i hate it, but i only drink beer when there’s no other option,” you shrugged your shoulders. “i think there’s more to drink over there but there’s too many people and i don’t feel like getting trapped between sweaty drunk dudes.”

ellie swept her gaze over the kitchen before walking towards one of the many cabinets. “there’s gotta be something else in here,” she said as she opened every single door. “there it is!” ellie turned around and your eyes fell to her hands, she was holding a bottle of vodka. it was almost empty. “shots, anyone?” she offered.

a guy who was at the kitchen cheered, “hell yeah!”

ellie frowned, disgusted. “not you. go get your own bottle.”

a laugh escaped your lips at how disappointed the guy seemed to be, he immediately left after ellie’s words. “that was kind of mean,” you chuckled lightly.

ellie couldn’t tell you that she actually blew him off because of how shamelessly he checked you out the moment you entered the kitchen, so she just shrugged her shoulders. “he didn’t find it. open up,” she commanded you, placing a hand on your chin. you opened your mouth and felt how ellie poured the liquid down your throat.

“gross,” you wrinkled your nose. you grabbed the bottle from her hands and copied her action, softly grabbing her by her chin. she drank what was left of the vodka and you left the bottle on the counter behind her.

ellie smiled at you as she swiped her fingers across the corner of her lips. she gave you one last glance before walking past you. you watched her open more drawers and cabinets.

“psst, come here,” she called you over.

“what did you find?”

ellie looked around to check no one else was listening. you laughed at how secretive she was being. “look,” she whispered, she had found a box of chocolate covered strawberries. “shall we?” she offered, eyebrows up.

“absolutely,” you accepted, laughing. “but not here. let’s go to the balcony. it’s closed but i know where they keep the keys.”

ellie pushed herself off the table she was laying on and grabbed your hand, “i’ll lead this time, i know where it is.”

you stared down at your hands, blindly trusting her to guide you.

“how do you know where it is?”

“well, i kind of looked everywhere for you when i got here,” she admitted. “thought you stood me up.”

“sorry, i took forever to get ready,” you apologized, embarrassed.

“don’t worry, it was totally worth it,” ellie shot a quick glance at you as she said that, knowing it would mess you up. her personality changed from shy to flirty in a matter of seconds, so you didn’t really know what to expect of her.

you let out a sigh of relief once you were on the balcony, grateful for how muffled the people and music sounded from outside. “i remember why i haven’t gone out in months now,” you rolled your eyes.

“not a party girl, huh?” ellie let out a chuckle, leaning against the wall. she offered you a strawberry, which you gladly took.

“not lately,” you replied after taking a bite.

“so what made you go out tonight?”

you shrugged, “it was an impulse,” your answer was honest, but it was missing the rest of it.

because i wanted to see you again.

“it really helps you’re here, though,” you clarified. “actually, it doesn’t only help, you’re the only reason i’m enjoying this.”

“same here,” she smiled at you before looking up at the sky, she got lost in her thoughts for a moment before speaking up again. “it sucks that city lights don’t let us see the stars properly.”

you scoffed at her words, “i know, but hey, at least we have the moon,” you pointed at the satellite. “she never disappoints.”

there had been a few times were you felt as if the universe was on your side, somehow listening to you. that night was the moment you confirmed your theory because, coincidentally enough, the lights went off in what it seemed to be the entire city. a collective scream was heard from inside the apartment, along with multiple curses.

you took out your phone and turned on your flashlight, accidentally pointing it at ellie’s eyes.

“ow!” she let out, squinting her eyes. you couldn’t help but laugh, to which she complained.

“sorry, didn’t mean to blind you. especially now,” your excitement was enough to spark ellie’s curiosity.

“what do you mean?”

“come with me,” you grabbed her hand for the third time that day, knowing you’d miss doing that when the night came to an end. you still hadn’t gotten used to the weird, almost electric feeling that tingled in your palm whenever you touched her.

you guided her through the disappointed multitude, letting out apologies every now and then and also pushing those who didn’t move after you politely asked. you couldn’t blame them, though, they had used the darkness to their advantage and were shamelessly making out.

the air was ten times colder on the terrace than it was on the balcony, but neither of you cared because once you looked up you forgot about everything else. well, except maybe each other.

the view was completely breathtaking. without the light pollution, the sky looked straight out of a painting.

“it’s like looking straight at space,” you whispered, eyes sparkling with excitement. you had only seen the stars like that once in your life when you were a kid. it was as magical as you remembered, and the person you were sharing the moment with only made everything more special.

“i know,” ellie gazed at you before looking up again. “it blows my mind.”

as the night went on, you talked about many different things whilst laying on the floor; how your lives back home were, your friends, your families, favorite movies and songs and of course, with both of you being astronomy students, space-related stuff. you two were interested in each other’s point of view about everything, so you discussed many different subjects, enjoying the freedom to be incredibly nerdy about it.

“our lifespan is way too short. i mean, think about it. look at how many things have changed and advanced in only a hundred years. can you imagine how the world will change in, like, a thousand years?”

“maybe in fifty more years scientists will discover the key to immortality and we’ll be able to see everything,” ellie shrugged her shoulders. “or we could try to discover it ourselves once we graduate.”

you let out a laugh, “such an easy thing to do,” you sarcastically said. “i’m in, but maybe we could try with something easier, like, finding extraterrestrial forms of life, perhaps?”

“apparently, they are already here,” ellie pointed out.

you turned your head at her, “we’ll be the first to make friends with them, then. we’re pretty nice people, they’ll warm up to us.”

“deal,” she smiled at you, inevitably glancing at your lips for a second due to the proximity.

you kept enjoying each other’s company. there were moments in which neither of you spoke but, surprisingly enough, you didn’t care. even silence was fun with her.

neither of you had experienced a connection as strong as the one you had, especially in such a short amount of time. you didn’t question it, thought, it just made sense.

after a while, the power came back. the city was illuminated and the music from the party was back on. you two sat up, a little saddened that you couldn’t stargaze anymore.

“it was fun while it lasted,” you commented, ready to return to the apartment. you picked up the beer bottles from the floor, along with the empty box of chocolate strawberries.

“we can always go camping,” ellie suggested. “the sky will look even better than tonight.”

“i have zero survival skills, so you’d be in charge of everything. i can interest you with some random facts, though.”

“sounds good,” she laughed as she stood by the door and opened it, waiting for you to go inside first. the walk to the apartment was quiet, hating the fact the that night was coming to an end.

the loud music welcomed you again, people were even crazier after having to wait half an hour for the power to come back. it surprised you to see the same amount of people, apparently, none of them had left.

“i know it’s a friday night but, how the fuck has your friend managed to not get kicked out yet?” ellie leaned into your ear.

“this building is mostly occupied by other students, so they are probably at the party, too,” you explained, raising your voice a little so she could hear you.

everyone was euphorically dancing, making up for the lost time. you glanced at ellie before grabbing her hand and dragging her to the improvised dance floor. she instantly followed you, completely mesmerized.

“oh my god, there you are! i thought i was imagining things when i saw you earlier,” a familiar voice said from behind you. it was tara, you shared some classes and had been partners in a project once. “you look so good.”

“oh, hey, tara. this ell—”

“yeah, hi,” she interrupted you, only glancing at ellie for half a second. “could you walk me to the bathroom? i– i don’t know where it is and i feel pretty sick.”

your eyes flickered between the two girls. you obviously wanted to stay with ellie, but tara had put you in a really awkward position.

“uh…” you hesitated, “where are your friends?”

“they already left,” she frowned. “c’mon, babe, come with me? please.”

the nickname she used echoed in ellie’s mind.

“i can’t, i—”

“you should go. i should check on my friend, so…” ellie’s lips were in a straight line, but she forced a smile when you looked at her.

“why don’t you come with us?”

ellie would’ve agreed if she hadn’t seen the nasty look tara had given her. she wasn’t intimidated by her in the slightest, but the thought of being a burden and indirectly forcing you not to leave her alone was enough to let you go, even if she didn’t want to.

“no, really. i need to go see if she’s okay. i’ll find you later.”

you didn’t have time to respond, because you had already been dragged away from there. tara started chatting your ear off about stuff you didn’t care, you could only think about ellie.

“do you want me to call you an uber or something?” you asked her.

“why would i wanna leave?”

“you said you were sick and you’re pretty drunk, you should go home.”

“oh, no, silly. i live in this building, maybe you could walk me to my apartment?”

you refrained from rolling your eyes in front of her and realized that the sooner you got rid of her, the sooner you could go back to the girl you actually wanted to be with.

“c’mon, let’s go,” you said. on the way out you messaged blair to find ellie and tell her you’d be right back, to which she answered she was on it.

you took the elevator to her floor. you could tell tara wanted you to initiate a conversation by the way she was looking at you, but you couldn’t care less about her. she hadn’t noticed, apparently, because she started talking about god knows what as you walked behind her, completely zoned out.

“wanna come in?” she asked you once you were outside her apartment. her intentions were crystal clear but, as flattered as you were, you couldn’t help but feel completely uncomfortable.

“uh, no, thanks,” you awkwardly said.

“you sure? i’ve got—”

“yes, tara, i’m sure. i gotta go, i’m sorry. you’ll be okay, though, right? see you around,” you took a step back with each word you said, by the end of the sentence you were in front of the elevator. you heard tara let out a very confused ‘bye’ before the doors closed.

you impatiently tapped your foot against the floor, wondering why was the elevator taking so long. once you were back at the party you immediately searched for ellie, but she was nowhere to be found. instead, you saw blair, who had a worried look on her face.

“hey,” you approached her. “did you talk to ellie?”

“i couldn’t. i saw her leave with that girl she was with like a minute after you texted me,” she grimaced. “what happened? why were you with tara?”

you sighed, “i’m so stupid,” you groaned. “tara found me and she put me in this really difficult spot, so i had to walk her to her apartment because she was pretty fucking drunk and feeling very sick, or at least that’s what she told me, and i did it as fast as i could, but—”

“okay, okay. stop. why don’t you text ellie and—”

“i don’t have her number.”

“try instagram?”

“i tried finding her on instagram the same day i met her and i couldn’t,” you awkwardly confessed. “she probably thinks i blew her off for stupid tara.”

“hey, calm down. i’m sure you’ll see her soon.”

sadly, that soon never came. saturday, sunday, monday and tuesday went by painfully slow. there was no sight of ellie.

wednesday

you were a hopeless romantic, even if you didn’t admit it out loud. deep down, you knew that meeting ellie wasn’t a coincidence. it could’ve happened at any given moment due to being classmates, but it did when you needed it the most.

it was unexpected, but as said before, you felt as if sometimes the universe was on your side, listening to your deepest desires, the ones you didn’t know needed to be fulfilled.

you had never felt a connection as genuine as the one you had with her. everything seemed easy with her, making you feel you’d known her for longer than a week.

that doesn’t happen often, especially to you, so you would do anything in your power to fix things.

you were currently in physics class, counting down the minutes for it to end. you had to fight the urge to look at the back to see if ellie was there.

the thought of her being mad at you for practically abandoning at the party you invited her to made you sick. you also feared she didn’t care at all, which was a hundred times worse.

once the class ended you waited for her outside, trying to calm down your racing heart. the majority of students had already come out. you had just started to lose hope of seeing her when you finally heard her voice. she was saying goodbye to the professor.

“hi,” you nervously smiled when she was in front of you. her looking as good as always didn’t help you calm down at all. “i’ve been hoping to see you since friday. i wanted to apologize—”

“oh, you don’t have to do that. i get it. i saw you leave with that girl, tara, was it? it’s okay, you don’t have to explain anything—”

“no, no. i didn’t leave with her,” you clarified. “she wasn’t feeling good so she asked me to walk her to her apartment, which was in that same building, and i only did it to get rid of her. i know i sound like a major dick, but i wanted to go back to you as soon as possible,” you confessed, heart beating a hundred miles per minute.

“you did?” there was a smile hiding on her lips, you could tell by the tone she used. she was amused and obviously enjoyed seeing you flustered.

“yes, and i told blair to find you and tell you that i’d be right back, but when i did you had already left and i had no way of communicating with you, so…” ellie was quiet, so you continued. “i’m sorry.“

it felt like an eternity until she spoke again. “i’m sorry i left.”

“it’s not your fault,“ you mused. “it’s tara’s.”

“it so is,” ellie let out a chuckle. “i’ll fuck her up.”

you laughed, which made ellie’s stomach flip. both of you became numb to your surroundings as you stared into each other’s eyes, dumb smiles plastered on your faces.

“hey, about that paper that we have to do on electromagnetism. would you, maybe, uh, want to do it with me?”

“yes, i’d love to,” you grinned. “we could meet at the library tomorrow. do you have any classes in the morning?”

“just one, it ends at 10.”

“see you at 11?”

“yeah,” ellie nodded.

“oh, i almost forgot,” you said before taking out your phone. ellie curiously watched you type something before you handed it to her.

an adorable smile formed on her lips when she saw you were asking for her number. you had already typed in her name with the alien emoji next to it.

“thank you,” you mused when she gave your phone back to you. you instantly sent her a text so she could save your number on hers, too.

“see you tomorrow :)”

ellie looked up from her phone, mouth upturned. “see you then.”

tuesday

“the library’s closed,” ellie announced the moment she saw you.

the lights were turned off and there was a sign on the door that read ‘closed for reparations’.

“awh, man,” you complained. “why didn’t they tell us sooner—”

“actually, they did. i just checked and they sent us an email about a week ago, we just don’t check our inbox,” ellie interrupted you, grimacing.

“oh, our fault then,” you shrugged your shoulders. “um, maybe we could go to my dorm? i don’t have a roommate so nobody will bother us,” you offered.

“woah, i’d give everything to have my dorm all to myself,” she groaned, tilting her head back. “why don’t you have a roommate?”

you didn’t realize you had already started walking together, mindlessly leading the way to your dorm.

“i had one at the beginning of the semester, but then she dropped out or something. they told me i’ll probably get one next semester, so i’m enjoying it while it lasts,” you explained.

ellie huffed, “my roommate is a music producer. she’s pretty considerate but sometimes she has to listen to her songs without headphones,” she rolled her eyes. “i think i’m gonna find a job and move out to an apartment.”

“you totally should. i’d do it too if i were capable of balancing work and college,” you told her. “you’re welcome to stay at mine’s for as long as you want and whenever you want, by the way.”

“really?” she grinned. “you’re already asking me to live together? i haven’t even met your parents, yet.”

you rolled your eyes, a playful smile growing on your lips, “fine, my offer is off the table, then.”

“oh, no. now it’s too late. i’m moving in tomorrow morning.”

ellie spent the entire walk planning an itinerary for when she moved in with you, which basically consisted in eating breakfast together, go to class, come back and have lunch together, have more classes, come back and have dinner together then have a sleepover every night.

“sounds fun, huh?”

“super fun,” you chuckled as you opened the door for her. “guests first,” you stepped aside, inviting her in.

“hey, this is practically my dorm, too, now,” ellie joked, curiously looking around as she scratched the back of her neck. she was trying her hardest not to show how nervous she actually was, but the fluttering on her stomach made it really hard.

you were in the same state as her, trying not to freak out. your eyes discreetly checked every corner of the room, making sure everything was in order and there was nothing embarrassing laying around.

ellie chuckled to herself when she noticed the ceiling was decorated with a bunch of stickers that glowed in the dark. stars and planets were placed all over.

“i know they’re childish,” you wrinkled your nose, visibly cringing.

“are you kidding? i love them. these will be the first thing i’ll buy for my new place,” her gaze fell from the ceiling to your eyes, a genuine smile spreading across her lips.

ellie kept looking around your dorm, grabbing stuff that caught her attention. it was funny seeing her ask for permission each time, looking back at you and pointing at the object she wanted to check out.

you took out your laptop from your backpack and sat down on your bed. it immediately bummed you out when you remembered that you had to do an assignment and weren’t just hanging out for fun.

“i’m gonna create a google drive file so we can both edit it later in case we don’t finish it today,” you informed her.

“yeah, that’s a good idea,” ellie replied, focused on a bracelet she had found on your desk. then, she continued snooping around your things, sometimes mumbling cool and i’m going to borrow this.

you checked the questions you had to answer and immediately sighed, “i’m completely lost.”

“want me to explain it to you?” she offered and you obviously accepted. ellie looked at the big whiteboard behind her and grabbed a marker from your desk. “okay, so you know that the earth’s core is mainly composed of liquid in the outer core and solid iron in the inner core?”

you tried your hardest to keep your attention on what she was saying, but the task turned impossible. her voice sounded muffled and you could only focus on how good she looked. you let out a few yeahs and rights when you thought it was appropriate, but the truth was that you didn’t know what the hell she was talking about.

“and this field has existed for at least three billions years, which is nuts, right?” you ears managed to make out of all the things she was saying. you saw how she laughed, clearly enjoying talking about the subject. you probably would too if you could be capable of actually listen and process what she was saying.

you watched as she continued to write and draw stuff on the board at the same time she explained something to you, but you couldn’t keep your eyes off of her.

“that’s about it, got it?” she asked, turning around.

“uh…” you let out, not being capable of forming an actual sentence.

ellie chuckled, amused, “you alright?”

“yes, it’s just—”

“was there something you didn’t understand? i can go over it again,” ellie kindly offered, but you could hardly hear her over the loud beating of your heart.

you weren’t really planning to, but you stood up. it was as if you were on autopilot, there was something else controlling your body and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. you walked closer to ellie, who looked confused.

“if i’m being honest, i didn’t listen to a word you said,” you confessed, smiling guiltily. “i swear i tried to, but there was something else on my mind.”

“what’s that?” ellie asked in a whisper, eyes scanning your face. you were extremely close to her.

“i don’t think i can go another minute without kissing you,” you softly confessed, looking up into her eyes. her pupils were dilated and a light blush had started to color her cheeks.

“no one is stopping you,” she replied, wholly captivated by you.

not even a second later, you crashed your lips into hers. ellie joyfully giggled, but that didn’t stop her from hungrily kissing you back. her hands found their way up to the sides of your face while yours ended up tangled in her hair.

ellie broke the kiss first, but your lips were still touching. “i’m still deeply disappointed you didn’t listen to my physics lesson.”

“i’m sorry,” you chuckled. “i heard some parts, you were great. i learned a lot.”

ellie smiled before leaning in again, bringing you impossibly closer to her as she gave you a breathtaking kiss. you melted against her, already eager for the kiss to end just so you could do it over and over again.

“this would’ve happened sooner if it weren’t for tara,” ellie joked, reaching over to grab your hand.

“i’ll kill her next time i see her,” you were standing so close to each other that you replied with a whisper.

ellie frowned, “you’re not seeing her again.”

“oh? i would’ve never guessed you were the jealous type,” you teased her, placing your arms on her shoulders again and bringing her even closer to you. ellie looked even better than before. her lips were reddened, her hair was a mess and her eyes had become even more hypnotic.

you could’ve stayed admiring her for hours, but a glance over her shoulder was all it took for you to wake up from your trance. you walked past her to take a closer look at the whiteboard she had used. it wasn’t what she had written that caught your attention, but the handwriting itself. it looked incredibly familiar.

your mind quickly came up with a crazy theory, which ellie’s expression confirmed the moment you looked back at her.

“you were the one who left me that note on my door?”

ellie’s confident and teasing demeanor was long gone. she looked panicked. her heartbeat accelerated significantly and she felt as she was running out of air.

“oh my god,” your mouth fell agape, a smile creeping up on your lips. “you did!”

she covered her face with her hands, letting out a groan, “you weren’t supposed to know that.”

“why?”

“it’s embarrassing! we didn’t even know each other when i did it. it’s weird—”

“it’s sweet!”

“it’s weird,” she repeated, not being able to look at you.

you smiled fondly at her, reaching for her hand and giving her a squeeze, “it really helped me, you know? it was as if you knew i needed it.”

ellie grimaced, “well, i actually kind of did…”

“what do you mean?”

she sat down on your bed, making you sit next to her. you didn’t let go of her hand. instead, you played with her fingers in an attempt to calm her down.

“i visited my friend that day, her dorm is across the hall. i was just about to leave when i saw you coming. i panicked, so i hid and accidentally overheard what you were saying to your friend,” she admitted. “i meant what i wrote. i’ve thought that way about you ever since i first saw you. it seemed like the perfect moment to tell you, at least indirectly.”

“but why didn’t you tell me in person? or at least, talked to me sooner.”

“i’m not as brave as i look and you’re fucking intimidating.”

you let out a laugh in disbelief, “me, intimidating? look at you!”

“no, look at you. you’re way to beautiful for me to just come up to you and tell you that. who could have the guts?”

“oh my god, shut up,” you hid your face in your hands, feeling how your heart fluttered like crazy at her words.

“i couldn’t tell you after we began talking, either. we were just getting to know each other, it would’ve been weird,” ellie stared down at your intertwined hands. “it’s still kind of weird,” she mumbled more to herself than for you to hear.

not being able to take it anymore, you succumbed to the urge of throwing yourself at her, leaving many kisses all over her face. the sound of her laugh made the butterflies in your stomach to fly all over the place.

“you’re the sweetest girl i’ve ever met.”

“don’t say that about me. i have a reputation to maintain,” she jokingly rolled her eyes. “so, be honest, you don’t think it was weird?”

“of course not. i think it was fate.”

“fate?”

“wait here.”

you quickly walked over to your desk where you had left your phone. you immediately searched for the picture you had taken of her last tuesday and almost ran to show it to her.

“is that me?” ellie grabbed the phone from your hands and zoomed in the picture.

“yup,” you nodded. “this was the day before we first talked. i was taking pictures of orange and you appeared, out of nowhere. you looked as you’d beat the person who dared to speak to you,” a laugh escaped your lips. “i thought about for the rest of the day and hoped to see you again, and guess what? i did. see? it was fate.”

ellie warmly smiled, she caressed your cheek with her fingers before bringing you closer to give you the softest kiss ever given, “i guess it was.”

[andre-and-cal]

Caldre Headcanons

#3 || Random

Thought I’d share em here. :)

Calvin Gabriel

Cal used to be able to pass as a 12-year-old at theme parks and restaurants until he was around 14-years-old. This was because he used to be a pretty short kid until he reached high school, where he went on to experience a growth spurt; it helped him reach an average height and he nearly stands at Andre’s height if it isn’t for the 2 inch height difference.

Calvin has a sharp tongue and can get pretty “mouthy”, but at the same time, Andre will get just as mouthy back.

Terrible video game rage. He gets easily infuriated by glitchy games and rages at them with Andre, which leads to them both ranting on about how video games are “no good” for people their age and how they’re made by “spiteful individuals” to make people go insane. And yet after about 15 minutes of lying in bed, cuddling, and cooling down, they go right back to the game.

Cal tried to ask Andre about his brother, but Andre didn’t really wanna talk about it. When they first became friends, Calvin thought Chris was Andre’s brother, but got embarrassed when they corrected him. Fortunately, they all laughed it off after. Though, Calvin can’t help but watch Andre whenever he plays with his siblings or babysits them with him.

Andre Kriegman

Used to be one of the tallest in his class until he reached middle school. After that, he started growing steadily into an average height. But he’s still slightly shorter than some of the other athlete guys at his school.

Andre knows damn well how mouthy Cal is, and it really drives him up a wall sometimes. Sometimes he’ll just simply ignore him or retort back— but only if he’s playfully annoying him or not being serious. Other times he’ll snap at him, to which Cal doesn’t really care.

Breaks his PS2 controllers so often when he rages at video games that his dad went on to learn how to repair controllers, and started fixing them for him.

Doesn’t really talk to his older brother anymore. He doesn’t like to talk about it, but the reason for this is because him and his brother never got along, even when they were kids. They never developed a proper sibling connection, which is partly why he babysits Cal’s little brother and sister a lot, because he sees them as the siblings he never had. Andre always tries to play with Cal’s little brother because he wants to act like a second big brother, or quite frankly the big brother he himself never had.

Caldre

They both easily influence each other, in many positive and negative aspects.

They both got detention one time for talking and goofing off too much in class. That only happened once though; all the other times they kept their chatter low key and quiet.

Andre and Cal occasionally hang out at the car junkyard in town, where Calvin brings his stash of weed and smokes blunts with Andre. Not enough to get completely baked, but enough to really enjoy themselves. But stoned Andre and Cal are both the funniest dudes and also the horniest fuckos. Andre doesn’t handle weed as well as Cal does— as in, Andre’s laughing his ass off at something he probably shouldn’t be, or unknowingly touching Cal in some shape or form, like his shirt sleeve or his arm. But their upped moods usually lead to some form of erotic acts between the Army of Two.

They secretly write notes to each other in class. They sit near each other in the periods they have together ‘cause they’re, as described by their teachers, inseparable. Nobody thinks anything of it, but Andre and Cal both are fully aware of this fact.

Andre and Cal get into heated arguments when they do argue, which usually occurs sporadically, but they both feel guilt in their own way after, especially Andre, with their poor mental health and intensely unresolved rage. Whenever Andre gets really pissed, he says a lot of things he doesn’t mean; Calvin hides the fact that it makes him feel bad about himself at times. In arguments, though, Calvin gets just as loud and angry if pushed to that point, but he’s also far too witty for his own good. They both get in each other’s faces and may push and shove, but don’t lay a hand on each other. At least, they’ve never gone ballistic during arguments to the point where they wanted to hit each other or do something of that sort.

Calvin feels a sort of melancholic happiness when him and Andre’s families get together for cookouts or events, because even though the moment is calm, he knows that him and Andre’s names will be in the obituaries soon. Andre doesn’t know, of course, that they won’t be alive after Zero Day, since he’s so set on the getaway car plan. Even though it was unrealistic, it at least didn’t hurt to plan. His brief fear of death in their final moments is prominent, but the knowledge that he isn’t dying alone— in fact, he’s dying with his favorite person; his person… somewhat comforted him, and he knew he was ready to “fade out”.

[dr-spectre]

The Super Mario Galaxy OST might be the cure to all mental troubles.

I feel the spiraling and overthinking in my brain and then suddenly... "Purple Comet - Super Mario Galaxy" plays and my brain gets a boost of serotonin. The soundtrack feels like a warm hug on a cold day, a nice cup of hot chocolate among friends, this mediative hypnotic collection of tunes that whisk me back to simpler times of my child self playing on my Wii. In the living room upstairs in my old house, totally alone, the warm light coming from the single lamp, giving me a sense of safety and heat.

Watching that red man fly across the endless sea of space, gliding amongst the deep blue blanket, the white sparkling stars so far away... Yet watching us and giving us a feeling of community and support.... Reminding all of us that we are not alone...

The soft piano cords that bring us to tears, the distinctive synths that add depth, the triumphant orchestra that fill our blood with electricity.

When i listen to the soundtrack and see the visuals of this game, it feels like I'm leaping into a loved one's arms and them allowing me to cry my eyes out in their stomach. Giving me the patience and care that i need. There are so many songs that genuinely bring me to tears and i have spent countless nights crying my eyes away to the songs.

In my darkest moments, in my most hopeless periods where i long for the past and wish i could be a kid one more time... This game allows me to do so and give me all the time that i need to cry.

I remember getting 3D All Stars for the Switch and playing through Mario Galaxy, then suddenly, out of nowhere, in the Comet Observatory, i couldn't help but breakdown into tears. Consuming this game is like facing a mirror and through that mirror i see kid me, i see that little guy with the big poofy hair, the smile on his face, the energy he has... That poor innocent boy, what would he think of me now?

God i do wish i could relive one day from my childhood, just one, maybe the day where i played on the EyeToy on the PS2 with some friends? Maybe the day i had some of my dad's friend's sons over and we played Mario Kart Wii together online? Maybe the day i played Just Dance on the Wii with my brother? Maybe the day i went to a caravan park and beat some kids on Pokémon Black? Maybe that day i went to a friend's birthday party and we went onto the street and did a water gun fight? Maybe the day i went to the park with this friend and we fed ducks, little did i know that it would be the last time i saw them...

You never know when it's gonna be the final time you will see someone or visit a place...

Just... Just one of those days... any one of them... I wanna remember what it was like to be a kid again. I wanna see people i haven't seen in years, i wanna revisit those old homes again, i wanna smell those smells, i wanna hear those sounds, i wanna see my aunt who passed away when i was so young... she made me the best sandwiches ever...

I wanna play with my cousins and not feel awkward around them, i wanna have vivid dreams again, i wanna play on playgrounds, i wanna feel the excitement and joy of life again.... Just one. more. time.

Um... i needed to ramble, I'm in an emotional mood right now and i need to share my love for this game.

I need to replay it again. I need to talk about it more... I need to talk about that fucking storybook man.

Me when Mario Galaxy OST.

[merriway]

Do you have any tips for how you developed your style? I want it to be like yours :3

OH my style has been developed over the course of many years through many different inspirations. I dont really have a name for it either per your other ask its more just like a hodge podge of all my favorite things. I can list some of my prominent inspirations for you to look up as well as list some of the things I focus on when arting!

For inspiration I'd have to go back to elementary school and say that my first creative inspo was probably the Nightmare before Christmas. I think that really encouraged a love of weird and whacky shapes in character design. Anime was obviously also a huge inspo and I love a lot of retro anime from the 80s/90s. Ranma, Moomins, Add in some PS1-PS2 era platformer mascots like sonic, spyro, crash, and klonoa. If we're talking video games too i gotta bring up pokemon cause thats been my obsession since the games first came out. From highschool through college I really studied a lot of art from classic disney and I'd say one of my favorite book series is "They drew as they pleased' I think studying that gave me a love for gesture drawing and acting. I think there was the show Wakfu which had a lot of art from Gobi and Bill Otomo and I loved how they pushed shapes in their character design. Takashi Nakamaru is a big inspo for me in how he stylizes and animates. He has such a level of volume and weight that what he animates feels so real but his style feels so cartoony and whimsical. Yuasa Masaaki headed one of my favorite anime, Kaiba. Which had a very stylized toony look but held a lot of darker heart wrenching themes. I really love cute/fun aesthetics mixed with heavier topics. Yoh Yoshinari is another major artist I reference a lot. Hes a major hitter at Trigger and I love the way he has blended both western and anime styles together. Also his extreme poses are so fun. I particularly love his book of sketches he did of Osamu Tezuka characters. Very toony but animated stuff. There is probably a lot more but I would say thats a erally good starting place to know where Im coming from. As for how I approach drawing. I will echo this as long as I live but gesture drawing gesture drawing gesture drawing. I took several life drawing classes in college and my favorite thing was to do short timed drawings of people and animals. There are so many videos for free on youtube about the Line of Action, about how to start gesture drawing as well as so many resources to find models/reference to draw from. Do 5 second gesture drawings where you can only get like three lines on the page, that helps you to focus most on the feeling and energy of a pose. Then 30 sec, 1 min, etc See how people do life drawing too. I really like Heinrich Kley and he was a huge inspo for many of the classic disney artists. You keep practicing that and it'll start to show up in your more stylized work. When you learn how to twist and bend shapes it starts to show in your personal art. For my personal art I tend to have a lot of mood boards, pinterest boards with artists I like and work that inspires me. I sometimes just spend 15min-30min looking at my favorite art, injecting the things I like about them into my brain and getting hyped to draw! Draw all sorts of styles, all sorts of things! Experiment with a variety of styles and eventually you'll start to create your own signature look. And dont be afraid to make a bad drawing!! I made so many! I drew on notes in class, on napkins, on post it notes, you name it. Just doodle and sketch bad things then try to figure out how to fix them through reference and learning. But remember to just stop and think about what you want! For example, what do you like about my art? is it the posing the shapes, the energy? Think about those things. Take a moment to ask yourself questions like 'what am I going for?" "why?" I think having a motivation, a drive, or something similar to that helps you want to draw and not get caught up with social media and trying to compete with your peers. Overall enjoy the journey! You're your own unique person and all your own personal experiences can feed into your work in a way others may not! And good luck with drawing, I hope it stays fun for you!!

[asleepinawell]

i'm in some sort of Mood about finishing the kh series (for a given value of finished) since I've been playing it since kh1 on ps2 a million years ago but instead of dealing with that i'm going to write my mini retrospective of the titles based on my replay

rest below the line

kh1

story - 7/10. it wasn't the most interesting but it was the first and laid the groundwork for the series. maleficent had a lot of screentime which is always a big plus. love her evil ass. it's also the start of the 'kairi never gets to do anything ever and gets kidnapped every time she tries' persisting problem in the whole series

gameplay - 6/10. feels a bit clunky now in comparison to some of the newer ones. it was harder than some later ones, but mostly because of wonky control issues and not great boss fights. but it's very playable and fun still. mushrooms do a little dance and shake their butt at you. i will never not feel nostalgic about traverse town music. THANK GOD YOU CAN SKIP THE PRE FIGHT CUTSCENES ON RETRIES NOW OH MY GOD YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE ONE BEFORE THE DARK RIKU FIGHT WAS LIKE TEN MINUTES AND BACK IN THE DAY YOU HAD TO REWATCH IT EVERY TIME AAHHHHJHHH *i am tranquilized and removed from the room*

re: chain of memories

story - 8/10. i love the focus on the organization 13 internal drama. bitches are running around bad mouthing and killing each other. larxene is a constant joy. marluxia is pretty and goes swish swish and makes flowers. axel was an instant fave. zexion is a shitty twink and i do so love shitty twinks. there was some disney stuff too i guess

gameplay - 2/10. the first time i played it my brother was crashing at my apartment and watching me play and got very into making cool deck combos. so i had him do that for me and i did the combat and the fun sibling shenanigans got me through it. this time i quit after thirty minutes and watched the cutscenes on youtube. it's just so repetitive and meh

358/2 days

story - 7/10. that's too many soras! put some back! story was a bit slow at times but i did enjoy seeing the daily life of the organization and axel/saïx handling their divorce so so well. needed more demyx

gameplay - it's packaged as a movie now so i did not replay the game and can't fairly rate it. i remember it being not the best combat but not terrible for a ds game

kh2

story - 8/10. it would get higher but the fact the beginning is incomprehensible if you haven't played com and 358 loses it some points....i had not played com when i got kh2 and boy howdy. it made more sense on the replay of course and yeah it's a good story. obsessed with how maleficent remains one of the main recurring characters in this series and just Does Shit from time to time because why not. god forbid women do anything etc. also the gay divorce continues to go terribly. saïx is handling this so well i say as he goes into berserk mode again. needed more riku screentime tho

gameplay - 9/10. huge upgrade from previous titles. it was very fun and fluid. the form shifts were a great addition. there were a lot of options but it didn't feel overwhelming or like it disrupted combat. my only real complaint was it felt a bit too on rails at some parts... like cutscene, battle, walk three steps repeat. oh and i hated the gummi missions but i am a gummi hater in general. oh also antiform was amazing. sora can turn into a feral creature... as a treat

birth by sleep

story - 10/10. fuck i love birth by sleep. aqua my beloved daughter who is the most terrifying keyblade master ever. terra my troubled son who got fucked over by shitty adults on an hourly basis. ven the thousand year old little kid who has never caught a break once. also hey it's xehanort and he also has ex husband drama. only note is that aqua should get to say fuck

gameplay - 10/10. the command deck was right up my alley and command forms were the best form gameplay they've done. i loved how all three kids had a unique style and abilities. i loved melding cards and gems to make new cards. i enjoyed playing monopoly. i thought it was the best game in the series when i first played it and that remains true

re:coded

story - 6/10. it was okay? it was largely a rehash but did add a few things. my friend and i kept saying welcome back alvis whenever data riku used a computer so that was fun

gameplay - this was also presented as a movie in the bundle so i won't score it. i don't even remember how it was from way back when i played it

dream drop distance

story- 9/10. the games that switch between multiple perspectives seem to be my favorites and i think it's partly that it makes the story more interesting. the time traveling norts were a bit wtf but that's just an inescapable part of the series. inspired me to get twewy which i will be playing next. MEOW WOW!!!!!

gameplay - 9/10. flowmotion was really neat and fit the style well. i loved the pokemon aspect so much you have no idea. i was a little sad you couldn't meld command cards but it would have been Too Much with all the other stuff going on. a few fights near the end had some really dumb mechanics (the type where when you look up a guide it just says good luck) but there were also some excellent ones. i do think it lost a little something in the port because the stylus on 3ds was important. however there is nothing is quite as satisfying as seeing meow wow hit xehanort with giant bouncy orbs so I'm willing to forgive it a lot

union x/back cover/dark road

story - 9/10. i was shocked how much i enjoyed the story of these. i got very invested and i was only watching the cutscenes, not playing. really interesting world building and the master of masters was an instant fave. one of the only kh titles that passes (barely) the bechdel somehow. also could be retitled as kh: dead kids, because boy did a lot of kids die! extra points for maleficent managing to set major events in motion twice and being very eh whatever about it. love her for that. and the backstory of the xehanort/eraqus divorce, of course. i love a good divorce

gameplay - didn't play this one, just watched ELEVEN HOURS of cutscenes. no longer available which is hilarious considering how much important lore is in it that is referenced in kh3. hopefully they make it into a single player offline game someday with better gameplay

fragmentary passage

story - 8/10. very short but filled in some gaps. i love aqua so i was predisposed to love this one

gameplay - 8/10. it felt like a rough draft for kh3 and that meant it didn't have all the annoying extra crap kh3 added in and played pretty smoothly. i liked the little puzzles. it was a unique game and i enjoyed it more than i expected

kh3

story - 6/10. the fact i had to sit through entire disney movies worth of cutscenes brings the score way down. we did not need to see 3 musical numbers in frozen. if i wanted that I'd watch the movie. i just wanted to play the damn game. the majority of the game is sora got benched and has to get his groove back which was very disappointing for the climatic finale to the series. once i got into the end game though it was much better (i would rate the later game stuff way above a 6 which just makes my frustration with earlier stuff worse). re:mind added in the bits i felt were missing and i came away satisfied overall with the wrap up. axel/saïx had divorce arc three and then got back together finally 🏳️‍🌈🥂🎉. xehanort/eraqus also got back together as they fucked off to be gay in the afterlife. finally we are free of the norts (OR ARE WE???) and the master and the foretellers are slated to come back next from the looks of things. maleficent continues to hang out in the wings waiting for opportunities to #girlboss and I'm excited too see what cataclysmic events she sets off next

so that's it. i did watch the brief melody of a memory scenes but there wasn't too much new there. i may watch the cs from the missing link beta at some point. otherwise it's back to my life long journey of waiting for the next title to drop

gameplay - 5/10. ugh. i bought the game when it came out but between the full length disney movies and the over saturated gameplay gimmicks i didn't get far. this time i powered through and by the end i was enjoying it for the most part because I'd figured out what things to ignore and how to avoid them. attractions were the worst addition to gameplay ever. everything was too flashy. way too many instances of being locked in a "cool" transition animation instead of actually doing combat which broke up the flow of things. i missed the command deck and how much it let you customize your play style. i didn't like the keys being locked to command forms as much as the bbs forms since it meant if you had a keyblade with better stats but hated the special on it you were kinda fucked. this became less of a problem as the game went but was still annoying. overall felt like a step back from the others. they tried to do too much. oh also why were there ten thousand instances of having to learn new controls for some new mini game in every area??? just let me hit things i am begging you. it really felt like they went for cool spectacles over satisfying gameplay

general notes on all of them: i enjoyed the story much more this time due to being able to play them in order. the fact they all released on different platforms originally made the complicated story even more confusing since i couldn't afford to buy a new system every time a new one came out. i really hope they veer away from that practice in the future but i kinda doubt it especially since they've got another mobile game lined up already. while the disney stories were fun early on it felt like the story outgrew them (except for the characters who were in the main story as well like mickey and maleficent) and they were kinda a drag by 3. i doubt they can move away from those since they're the whole gimmick of the series but it would be better imo. deeply worried they'll start bringing in newer disney acquisitions.

one of my biggest complaints about the series has always been how few female characters there are and how little many of them are used. it got slightly better later in the series but overall was still not great, especially for kairi. i kept wondering if they added stuff for her in re:mind due to complaints about this.... the dlc felt like an apology for several things tbh. aqua was great but she shouldn't be the only one and even she got upstaged in kh3 when she's supposed to be the third most powerful keyblade master. weirdly enough maleficent was probably the best written female character. really wild how much she wove into the plot and affected events so much without even trying to (especially in union x). she should fire pete though (i think she should hire demyx)

I'd like to see them let you play as characters other than sora more often since that was always really neat (he's had a billion games to himself now). I'd love a kairi and aqua game but i can imagine square and disney both clutching their pearls over female protagonists

something i noticed was that playing them when i was older i liked sora much better. when i started the series as a teenager i found him annoying. as an adult i have more sympathy and tolerance for teenaged boys who are Going Through It. growth or something

[demonfox38]

Completed - Baroque

This would probably be the favorite game for "Silent Hill 3"'s Vincent. Ya know. "They looked like monsters to you?" being absolutely the point.

So, you know how you can't trust algorithms? More in the "can't trust corporations to make ethical decisions with them" kind of way this time. Less in the source data sucking kind of way. I bring this up because the YouTube feed algorithm for my account was responsible for me hearing of this game. See, I was actually doing research for "Getsu Fūma Den: Undying Moon", and I think it made a couple of hops into presenting the RagnarRox video for "Baroque" that was released a few weeks ago. Like, "We know you're into survival horror, and we know that you've been researching one particular horror-based rogue-lite game, so here, loser. Watch this."

For once, the machine had my number. I mean, other than 38.

"Baroque" is a hybrid first-person dungeon crawler / rogue-lite video game set in the ruins of an apocalyptic future. Your character is a nameless, mute, amnesiac man blessed with the ability to purify the mutated humans around him. And by purify, it's…basically murder. But it's okay! God gave him the ability to do that after making out with him. Yep, God's real. And in the basement of a tower. And mostly blood vessels / tentacles, but also part anime girl. And going nuts.  Obviously, that's not great. So, your mission is two-fold: sort out your own problems, then sort out God's mental health. No big deal, right?

Yeah, this game is weird. In many, many ways.

The most recent groundswell about this game came as a result of an English translation patch produced in August of 2022 by Twitter user Plissken for the 1999 Playstation port. Not that this is the game's initial release, nor is it the first time this game has been released in English. See, this was originally released on the Sega Saturn in 1998. Then, in 2008, publisher Atlus picked up a third-person version of it for the Playstation 2 and Wii for the American audience, which sandbagged itself on impact. For the moment, this is about as close as the average English speaker can get to the developer's intended vision, barring someone pushing out a Sega Saturn patch or a sudden brain spike in Japanese literacy. Which, hell. If any particular variant of God wants to do that for me, it might be helpful. Throw in some Italian as well.

What's the importance of seeking out the original vision for "Baroque"? Perhaps a lot of its content can be felt out intuitively. I mean, you can't swing a bat without hitting massive religious or mystic content in Japanese works, particularly in those from the 1980s and 90s. The appeal of the original "Baroque" games is absolutely in its raw, esoteric presentation. This was a game that had a physical model sculptor, Goddamnit. These monsters are as real as that Momo puppet was. Its music ranges from industrial sample explosions run amok to Vangelis-adjacent synthetic sweetness. It is a black game with level loading akin to "Silent Hill", all surrounded with weird people doing and saying weird things.

I don't like the argument that first-person games are inherently more horrifying than third-person due to the perspective. I think you can make either work well. But, in this case? Absolutely. You've got to be smashed face-first into this bizarre landscape, lost and disoriented, surrounded by towering creatures ready to kick your ass. That's definitely the appeal of the Sega Saturn and Playstation variants of this game. To put it another way, the difference between playing the PS2/Wii version and this version is the difference between seeing a teenager's airbrushed, Photoshopped replica of Goya's "Saturn Devouring his Son" on a computer and being in Goya's house after his death and looking at it plastered all over the goddamn wall. And then there's 13 more frescos with it.

Also, God, does the English voice acting for the PS2/Wii versions detract from the mood. Although, hearing Michelle Ruff's Fujiko voice come out of a scientist's shoulder-face was hilarious enough for me to actually pick up a Wii copy. There's worse ways to spend $20 USD, right?

I know I keep banging on about the game's aesthetics, but man, I was impressed. Like, most of the enemy design is based on Tarot cards, right? And for 2/3rds of them, I would say that they match well. But then, there's taking into account that the main character's multiple unions with God are responsible for the shape of the world around him, and certain pieces become more striking. There are people with multiple heads conjoined in strange places. Two enemy types are multiple organisms joined together. Oh! And your character is carrying guilt for being the surviving half of a conjoined twin that perished as a result of being physically separated, and you're living through that trauma again by being forced apart from God. Like, goddamn. And it's no wonder why the monster shown in the opening attract screen is the monster based on the Lovers Tarot card. It is two organisms fused into one body with a vaguely pregnant shape that opens into a horrible vagina maw. Congratulations, Eisaku Kato! You nailed the theme of the game in a single enemy type. Well done!

Although, I have to admit that one enemy ended up being goofy to me, but not of its own accord. It's hard to be scary when you look like Mr. Krabs.

Right! Okay. Let's put aside the aesthetic talk for a second and actually talk about the game part of the game. So, what does being a first-person dungeon crawler / rogue-lite mean? It is a lot of word salad, after all. The dungeon in question is presented in a series of floors known as the Nerve Tower (or Neuro Tower, or Nurve Tower, depending on how you want to split hairs.) Static entities exist on each layer. However, the layout of the floor's rooms and its item contents vary from run to run. You have a whopping four statistics to keep track of, including your attack, defense, hit points, and vitality. I think most of these are self-explanatory, but to save some head-scratching, vitality is basically a timer on how long you can remain in game. Statistics can be restored, improved, or degraded based on item usage and enemy attacks. You can also get boons or status ailments, depending on enemy aggression and your items. The big thing is keeping your health above 0. Obviously, if that runs out, you die, lose all of your stuff, and then get pushed into a new loop. But, if you make it to the lowest floor, you also get a stat and inventory wipe before being pushed into another cycle. It's just that this wipe is considered successful.

Now, you are allowed to save certain item types by the use of sense spheres, which pass the item you select back to the surface for use on your next run. And, despite having constant stat wiping, you will notice progress over time. Explicitly, certain characters will ask you for items. Getting them those items will further the plot, potentially opening up new layers to the Nerve Tower. You could play this game infinitely, if you want, but there is a distinct ending condition. Hell, there's even an appropriately named Hell Dungeon if you want to get all Chrysler Building up in this game. Just know that all you've really got to do is heal yourself, then heal God.

Being successful in "Baroque" comes down to three skills:

Recognizing Floor Layout Types

Properly Managing Items

Mitigating Enemy Threats

Of these, floor layout handling is the easiest. You'll get used to knowing who is on what floor, and you have a button for reviewing an auto-filling map when needed. Generally, you'll want to find the important character or device per floor, then get out. (Some characters can be skipped, for what it's worth.) Hell, the only major decision might be deciding when to grind for levels and when to book it as fast as possible to hit the bottom floor.

Item management seems simple on the surface, but has some quirks that you can use to give yourself a boost. You've only got access to 20 items, and at least three or four of those will be dedicated to equipment and plot-critical items. However, you can use items in ways that may not seem readily apparent or useful. Like, sometimes, you get status-restoring items that you may not necessarily want. But, you can also use them up to get a quick health or vitality pick up. (At least, I was abusing Detox and Eyeball injections to get a vitality boost when I didn't need them.) If you have a sword, a box, or even a coat you don't want, you can throw that shit at the enemy for damage! Hell, you can even use certain healing items at full health to give yourself a permanent HP or vitality boost. The one major piece of advice I would give is to always chuck your equipped sword and coat into a sense sphere when you are on the penultimate floor of the tower. (You'll know you're on it when you see an impaled angel.) Keeping at least one good sword and coat may be what propels you the furthest in game. I mean, I ended with a +6 Comet-infected Sterilization Sword and a +2 Beast coat, and I wouldn't say that was a stellar combo. But, hell! It got me to the end.

Finally, there's fighting the aptly named Grotesques (and less-aptly named Meta-Beings in the PS2/Wii game. See what I mean about needing the visceral element?) Honestly, fighting monsters may not be as important as you might think. It's definitely a curve where you want to fight a lot in the first half of a cycle, then taper off as your objective floor gets closer. There's no boss to speak of, so you don't have to focus on leveling up in that sense. It's more about getting the monster's personal baroque—a shining pearl—to restore your vitality and continue your play time. Maybe even getting some items, if you're into that. While leveling up does come with a minor health boost, I think you'll get more benefit from proper item management than grinding against Grotesques. Honestly, pick your battles wisely. Learn enemy A.I. and circle strafing, then use it when necessary.

You know what? I blasted by something too fast in that last paragraph. Do you know what a baroque actually is? I mean, I gave a super basic definition, but "shining pearl" isn't entirely correct. Baroque, as it is used with pearls, refers explicitly to pearls that are not the standard spherical shape. They're globby, or they're tear-drop shaped, or basically anything deviant. Baroque, as it refers to art (and what you likely know it from), is a period known for being exceedingly excessive when it comes to ornamentation, detail, and dramatic (often religious) subjects. "Baroque", in quotes, the video game, is a game about deviations from the norm, about a world so different from our own that the character that seems the most relatable to us is a formerly conjoined twin suffering from the loss of his brother. Like, think about this! How many times do you see conjoined twins in video games that aren't portrayed as monsters? God, does that say something fucked up about our media.

Not to say this game is sympathetically perfect when it comes to mental health and trauma. Be prepared for some brain shock if you do some research. There's at least one enemy that has a backstory similar to Angela from "Silent Hill 2", if you need a quiet content warning. You don't really come across it in game, but it's definitely part of the creator's mindset, so…fuck. Shit! Damn, maybe. Son of a bitch. Pick a more elegant curse word and put it here.

I could probably go off on a side tangent on how interesting it is that the women outside of the Nerve Tower lack self-identity while the ones inside are story drivers with immense agency, but hell. I think we've done enough navel gazing for one examination. If you want a brain pick while whacking away at a randomized dungeon filled with psychological horrors based on Tarot iconography, here's your fucking game. It's basically the worst ending of "Silent Hill"'s universe several times over, but honestly, it's not the most frightening place to be, either. It's kind of like how the good ending of "Eversion" is both the main character and their princess turning into monsters and falling in love. It's just how their world is, man.

Those that reject "Baroque"'s world suffer greatly. Those that create it see it as perfect. And most people in that world aren't even sentient enough to grasp its nature.

Fuck, dude. I think playing this game might count for taking a Philosophy course.

[yanderetrash]

So i finished hollowbody

(( A preface to this is that i am a big fan of genuinely engaging with the media at its level. I mean that im not going to look for faults into something just for the sake of seeming superior, trying to understand what the author of the piece wants to put out and not coming in with my own preconceptions

An example would be people going super mad about deadloop because it was just too unserious. I never found this to be an issue because i was not coming in with any expectations (of a serious game) ))

Hollowbody is a short game and is set in england

The whole thing was created for the most part by one person

The game reads as a tribute to ps2 survival horror era (from personal experience i would say silent hill and resident evil) and the graphics are absolutely glorious in that aspect

The menus are just as clunky as the sh games ive played and i could never quite work the map but i am quite stupid with maps in general anyway

The music hits the spot in the sense that it sets the mood and is never out of place, i usually dont follow music outside the game (save for nier and silent hill) so no complaints here

The layout or the actual level map gives you this half life feeling of having complete freedom while at the same time corralling you to your next objective

The cyberpunk aesthetic of the (other world) is not very present and probably given time would have blended better with the overall retrofuturistic aesthetic present in most of the game

Story wise we follow mica as she tries to make her way through a quarantined english city trying to escape the horrors and find her girlfriend who went missing during a research mission on the shore of the quarantine zone

My play through was also accompanied by the wounded man who you can prevent from killing himself or not (i called him simon, for obvious reasons)

Aided by her comm guy, tax, we make our way to the metro system to try and meet the tracks out of the quarantine zone and back to our cyberpunk island

As you make your way through the dilapidated city you are hunted by mutant creatures and from time to time contacted via the telephone lines by this seemingly omniscient entity that appears to be toying with you while following your progress

Making it to the metro tunnels you get to a hole where our protagonist has the great idea of jumping in

The hole appears to be fleshy and alive, like a horrific organism and your trip inside culminates in finding your girlfriend, seemingly still alive but just barely, with severe injuries to her legs

After trying and failing to use your radio to contact the comm guy, the entity contacts you once again, offering its aid and actually delivering, however the underlying feeling is that something is not quite how it seems

After the comm guy arrives we cut back to our main character and her gf, with the latter looking obviously dead for a bit and the main character seemingly possessed by the entity

However the game is not over because simon pulled his weight, as we cut to him, tax and the mc on the beach, with simon trying to resuscitate the mc

Following this, we see the mc in an interrogation room. The corporation was quick to find and catch her and is inquiring into her adventure in the zone

As far as characters go, simon has little personality, tax is just a plot device just like the gf

There are a few bioshock-like moments where using your radio you can hear past conversations of the former residents as well as documents you can read, thus piecing together what happened in the city

The mc gets some backstory with the gf but is all minimal, honestly the only real character seems to be the voice (or mother as it calls itself) which of course is the fleshy growth but thats not all. The big bad corporation was attempting to halt aging using ai nanobots, and considering that the entity communicates to you through the phone line it appears to have full control of the electronics in the zone

I mean i have a soft spot for these things of course, the voice was definitely my favourite and really made the game for me. I like it when some omniscient thing checks with you from time to time and reflects on your progress, there is this codependency almost, moreso between you the player and it the in-game omniscience. The sense of control this game-thing has over your character with the understanding that the control is actually always in your hand as a player, but for the sake of immersion is ludically ceded to the game-thing. A puppet of a puppet so to speak. Really good, really kinky

The flesh assimilation thing reminds me a lot of the ai in soma but this one is not blankly driven by directives with no morality attached, but genuinely malevolent (which to be fair is not as scary but a lot more appealing)

I think no motive is always scarier than one motive and if i read it right and you dont save the guy, mother eventually gets out of the sea probably to try and infect everyone (24 yrs later)

Now why would the entity want this chick in particular? No reason honestly. Surely the entity was able to corrupt her car and find out enough about her (the name) if not from the gf

I think it was just a bit of past time for it really, just because it could. I personally dont believe anyone is special (hey especially in a cyberpunk story)

There is also a joke ending but man im not that good at dodging so i could never get that ����

[retrogamegifs]

Info Post

I know this type of blog is not special to Tumblr by any means. However, I have come into the means to record my old retro game consoles, and although I am very pro-emulation, emulating games can affect how it looks compared to how it looks on real hardware, which ive never been a big fan of.

So, I am using this as an opportunity to spread gifs from various games I own and love in their original form. This is more of a passion project, so please don't expect consistent daily/weekly uploads, and I have no experience in making gifs, so any gif making tips are greatly appreciated! Probably won't do anything newer than PS2/GCN/OGXB too.

I never really planned for requests, but if theres any gifs from older games you'd like to see, shoot me an ask/DM. I can't promise anything, but if I'm in the mood & own the game and console, I'll try to see what I can do.

really didn't think this post would be this long, so i hope i made all my points clearly. Hope you enjoy the blog!

Started on: Dec 17th 2023.

[vnobscura]

Cherryblossom ~Portable~

Opening

Cherryblossom was originally released for Windows, then was ported to the Dreamcast, PS2, and finally the PSP. Minor changes were made in each version. The one I played, the PSP version, had improved CGs that were changed to be 16:9 and even included a sound mode. The game is fully voice-acted, done by a couple of well-known voice actors. There are 4 main guys you can choose from and 2 others that are unlockable once you get all 4 of the main guys' endings.

Story

Summarizing the beginning of the game, Ouse Satsuki is a 2nd year student at Sakurazono High who's almost hit by a truck on his way back to his dorm. The next day at school, he receives a text by someone named "Sakura" who saw him last night. Determined to find who "Sakura" is, Satsuki narrows it down to the student council and tries to get close to them.

Gameplay

Cherryblossom is a stat-raising game where you raise the stats of your chosen guy. You can also call your chosen guy out after he gives you his phone number. It's a matter of balancing stats and raising his affection. The stats include: Fatigue, Intelligence, Fitness, Charm, Responsibility, and Proactiveness (I think that's the closest meaning of that stat's name, I'm not sure). The "Proactive" stat is interesting an stat: It determines how "proactive" you are. Yes, it might seem obvious at first, but it changes certain events, CGs, and the ending for each guy. Basically, it's like an alternate route you can take with your chosen guy. Every week, you get to choose what to do each day. You can: study, work out, play video games, work part-time, do student council, or sleep. On Sundays or on break, you have a choice of going to the library, the café, the arcade, go shopping, or sleep. Once you get a guy's number, you can call him on Saturday to invite him to a date the next day. You'll keep up this process until the end of February, so roughly six months.

Art

The art was all right. Some of the characters looked like they had small faces and big heads that looked a bit uncanny. The CGs looked fine though, for the most part. I wish some of the shots included more of what the characters were doing rather than side by side head shots. An interesting point about this game is that it has rival CGs. When two guys have reached a certain affection for you, there will be an event of them fighting. There are 6 of these and there's an easy way to farm them so they shouldn't be too hard to get.

Music

The music was pretty good. It did a good job of setting the mood of each situation, whether it be serious or comical. Some songs also acted as character themes, but they were also used in generic settings.

Replayability

Like any other dating sim, it definitely has it's replayability value. Thankfully, the game is kind of short so you could probably get through all the routes in one day (if you're fluent in Japanese, that is). There are two endings for each guy (12), 1 premature bad end, and 2 normal endings, all of which give you an item (except for the bad end). There are other bad ends for some of the guys, but they don't give you anything. One strange fact about this game is that you can only access the gallery once you get an ending with at least one guy. After that, the in-game store will start to sell DVDs which correspond to each section of the gallery. You have to buy all 5 DVDs to fully access the gallery.

Casual Thoughts

Cherryblossom is a short and sweet game where you attempt to get close the student council members only to romance them instead. Going out with them may be a questionable way to get clues on "Sakura," but one of them has got to be him, right? Getting each end for every guy was simple, but getting the normal endings was the most difficult part for me for some reason. I looked for guides on Japanese websites and successfully got all the CGs and endings! Below, I'll include a guide (in English) if you would like to tackle this game.

Guide

[videostak]

love love love that the gamecube n64 and snes/sfc all use the same video cable :) like cause of tht i can switch what console super easily casually af too. i kinda wanna play n64 rn but also have to drive my sister to work tomorrow too so i shouldnt stay up too late :P really hoping i can find a nice coffee table soon cause my room looks so messy w/ consoles on the floor -_- now that i think abt it one w/ two tables would be nice like the one i saw i mean like u kno a top table and then a lil shelf below it of identical size. cause like i think colecovision and famicom are always gonna be out so itd be nice to have one that can have both of them while also having space for like one or two more somewhere else. so maybe one actually bigger than the one i saw yesterday. idk why but have been in a v idk wanting to play thru video games n stuff mood lately. hoping i actually do play thru the games im playing and dont like drop them. like i had started wind waker a few years ago and was making good progress then just forgot lol and now if i do play it again im gonna restart it cause its been too long and i forgot rly what i was doing u_u rn im playing dark cloud, and pikmin. but i wanna start ocarina of time and maybe paper mario 64 and also maybe twilight princess tbh. also playing animal crossing too ofc as long as i always will whenever thee gc is hooked up. and i also wanna start another ps2 game too so im not just playing dark cloud on it tho idk what. i have a few layin around but only ico and persona 3 are the only like long length video games i have on it rn . am also borrowing mgs2 from my friend but not gonna play that til i play mgs1 so ya. tho honestly might just play dark cloud since like a big rpg type game is good to invest all ur time in on one console. oor might try ico again cause i heard it waas short and like u kno v interesting. fuuuuck i also wanna job so i can get pc engine games thats a console i wanna have hooked up always too but i only have like three games on it rn but theyre all great pac land outrun and bikkuriman world. the first two are two of my all time favs. buuuuuut ya i love games and am super tempted to hook up my famicom and play but i also wanna kinda stay away from it and try to make more of an effort to play long games like the ones im playing rn which i seldom do. tbh its so easy and liberating too to get into a famicom fever just playing super short games marveling at great game design lol. tho i need long games to live too!

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #119

What are some tropes/settings/concepts that you like in horror movies/books? Uh I tend to like paranormal movies. I like a lot of horror stuff though, but right now I'm really not in the mood to like dig through my brain listing everything that comes to mind. One thing I do wanna mention though is I LOVE well-written villains that have like, a reason behind their evil.

Are there any objects that you own because of what they are rather than what you use them for? (For example, having a piano to have a piano rather than to play it or having an Eames chair because it is an Eames chair, etc.) No, that seems pretty dumb and pridefully materialistic.

Who do you tend to compare yourself to most often? Is it someone in your life, someone online, or some composite idea of a person? My two immediate sisters, the ones I grew up with and have been regularly involved with my whole life. I 100% feel like that hydra dragon drawing where two look serious and powerful and then there's the derp one/me lmao. I constantly feel like they're both embarrassed by me and since we were raised in the exact same environment and all, I have a hard time understanding why I turned out so different from them in terms of being an adequate, capable adult.

Stripes or polka dots? Polka dots, I just like circles.

Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? This depends on a lot. How close are we, and how exactly are you touching me? As a base rule if we're not at least somewhat close, just simply don't touch me unless it's like, a hug that you have permission to give.

What is your gender? Do you think that people think it's obvious? As the previous survey taker answered, gender isn't always an obvious thing, first and foremost. However, in the traditional sense of how people visualize a woman, I think it is. I've never been misgendered, so.

How long did your first date last? A few hours. We saw a movie and had lunch.

Highlight of your day? Girt meeting my sister's EXTREMELY affectionate dog Oakley and them totally falling in love with each other, oh my god they were both so happy. Girt had wanted to meet her for a loooong time now because she's like 100% his kind of dog, but the one time he'd already been here since they got Oakley, she had to stay locked in Ash and Nick's bedroom because of a party guest being terrified of her (she's not aggressive, just VERY big and insanely pushy).

Is everything working in your house? Uhhh I believe so, yes. Well no, we do have a broken PS2 right now, but Girt wants us to keep it stored in case our working one breaks because he's confident he can fix the other one with the right stuff.

Does pop give you energy? When I had caffeine extremely regularly, it did nothing for me energy-wise, but since drinking soda way less, I think it tends to, at least usually.

TV show you love with a passion? Meerkat Manor.

Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Yes. Never, ever, fucking ever allow yourself to be 100% certain that a person won't just drop you like a boulder and bolt, I don't care what your connection to the person is.

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? Holy fuck, no. I don't think I even have 10.

Last time you went to 7-eleven? Never, I think. They're not really a thing here, or at least they weren't; one recently opened very near to us, but we've never been there.

A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? Arby's is absolutely disgusting. Burger King has also never impressed me.

Does everyone in your family have a job? Me nor Mom do. I mean, my mom does clean the church she attends, but she is no longer paid because if she was, she'd be taken off disability, which simply can't happen if we want a house to live in and groceries in the kitchen. It's not a stable source of income anyway because it's taxing on her, the church is extremely poor so can't pay her much anyway, and with her health she needs to be able to stop the moment she feels she really needs to.

Going anywhere this weekend? I don't have anything planned other than take my old Nikon camera and Nikon supplies to the place I sold my flute and guitar (for a GRAND TOTAL of like $45 btw lmao) hopefully tomorrow, and I want that to be it, really. I'm extremely sleep-deprived and just stressed and want to be a hermit.

What does it mean when you're being quiet? It can mean almost anything, really. Including nothing at all, considering I'm generally quiet anyway.

Last person you had a face-to-face conversation with? My mom.

How late did you stay up last night? At LEAST 1:30 AM, I think 2, and not willingly. I struggled so badly to fall asleep last night, I literally just laid there for fucking hours.

How many times have you been in love? Twice. I once thought thrice, but no, I was not in love with Sara now that I've actually been in love with Girt and been able to compare the sensation to how I was with Jason. I know I loved Sara, but it was not the same as Jason and Girt.

How many years older than you would you date someone? It would be very, very hard for me to go older than nine years, and even that I really wouldn't want unless I was crazy for the person, basically. I think like, 4-ish years older is the last number where an age difference wouldn't bother me at all.

What was the last thing you pinky swore on? Something with Girt, I'm sure, probably relating to my shitty self-confidence in some way. I feel like the last thing was when he initiated it about not finding me unattractive, because he knows I'm very convinced (NOT by his own behavior, I want to emphasize, this is all on me and my own head) he's not attracted to me.

Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? Definitely no more than what's normal.

About how old was the last person that hit on you? He's 29.

What color are your headphones? This pair of earplugs is white.

Is the fan on? No, this house is always fucking freezing these days and Mom is very, very reluctant to turn on the heat because money.

Any special reason why you’re taking this survey? I haven't taken one in a VERY surprising amount of time for me and I also just want to do something while I listen to music.

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? Uh I don't drive, and there's also nobody in my face-to-face life who would ask me that anyway because they know I don't, AND I'm not ~that~ close to any of my friends here. I would if I COULD, though.

Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? I am the most sub bitch you'll ever fuckin MEET lmfao, HOWEVER this is primarily only sexually and if my boyfriend was acting domineeringly as a life partner and person as a whole, I'd be so fucking gone, no partner is ever allowed to boss me around.

If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? Yeah, it's a state with a relatively recognizable shape and I have family there anyway.

[TW: EATING DISORDER] Do you eat a lot of food? No, these days I eat way too little. In therapy yesterday I did open up about how I'm developing eating disorder-ish thoughts (at least I think so, I've never actually had one) and cried a whole lot about it, and with my mom present we decided that once I see this endocrinologist next month, we're going to try to get me refered to a dietitian to help me with pre-diabetes management, weight loss, and just in general building a healthier relationship with food.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? No.

Have you ever had to give someone directions before? Hell no, I would get that person NOWHERE. I don't know street names, interstate numbers, how many miles are between here and there, ANYTHING that would really help with directions.

Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? No, that's PURE panic attack material for me lmao. I couldn't do that.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Uhhhh a few days ago when Girt was here, I don't think we did today. Maybe we did, but I don't remember it.

What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? The Lion King.

Which room of your house/apartment do you spend the most time in? This spare room where my desk/laptop is.

Which insect do you find the most beautiful? Butterflies and moths. Some praying mantises are also just pure stunning and so intricate.

Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? I will never, ever put beer in my mouth because that was what my dad always drank as an alcoholic. The mere smell makes me want to hurl. I also will never, ever do hard drugs like cocaine or meth 'n' shit, I will liiiiiiiiterally die before I fuck with that kind of stuff. Lastly, I am very, VERY doubtful I could ever swallow an Alka-Seltzer Plus pill, because that's the cold medication I ODed on. I shit you not, seeing the fucking logo of the brand ignites massive anxiety in me.

Is there a place that you might call your second home? Dad and Kim's house, I guess. I'm pretty much totally comfortable in Ashley's house, too.

Is there a piece of jewelry that you feel naked without? My vertical labret lip piercing.

What’s the sweetest thing someone’s done for you? Never, ever gave up on me and was there for me when he had zero obligation to be. I get way too emotional when I think of what Girt's done for me, both before we dated and now that we do.

Which wild animals are a common sight in your area? Birds obviously, then gray squirrels. Opossums and raccoons are the main roadkill here, but you don't like, regularly see them out and about and such. There are rabbits and (primarily) whitetail deer too, but they're of course shy and bolty. VERY rarely you'll see a fox; I think I've only seen one alive in my entire life, though.

Do you recognize friends’/family’s vehicles by sound? Nobody super easily that is still in my life, but I can usually know when Girt is outside because I'll hear music. Defending him immediately, he's not an asshole that blares it, but it's still loud enough for me to hear in the living room, which is where I usually sit and wait when I know he's almost here.

What was the last thing that stressed you out or upset you? Me just being a bad aunt.

Do you wish people would forgive you for your past so you could move on? So uh, I'M the one that fucking desperately needs to forgive my past lmao

Who was your first roommate? Technically my younger sister. Uh, I think. I don't believe I ever shared a room with my older sister...

Do you have a sibling who looks like you? Ashley, Nicole, and I are obviously sisters, according to basically everyone. I do stand more clearly apart from them, though; people regularly think Ash and Nicole are twins.

[TW: CHILD/PREGNANCY LOSS] Name three women you know who have lost a child. My mom's mom lost a whole lot, my former best friend Colleen had a miscarriage, and an acquaintance I have that I've done pictures for also has experienced one.

Which nationalities have you been told you look like? (i.e., Asian, Irish) I mean, I've just heard American, which is what I am.

What book are you currently reading? Wings of Fire: Talons of Power. I'm being super slow at reading this one... Not because it's not good or anything, I'm into it, I've just been bad with reading.

Have you ever received any scary, threatening messages on social media? Yes.

Who was your first kiss? First person who kissed me was one of two boys that endlessly harassed me in pre-k, but I absolutely don't consider that my "first kiss." I'll always consider it Jason.

Who are three of your favorite YouTubers to watch? Game Grumps, John Wolfe, and I've been having a jacksepticeye streak.

What do you miss about high school? Seeing friends regularly. Being confident in my future.

What color was your first car? I haven't had my own personal car.

What color was the house you grew up in? Primarily red brick.

Growing up, what floor was your bedroom on? I've only ever lived in houses with just one floor.

Does your bedroom have carpet? Yeah.

What are the top three travel destinations on your bucket list? South Africa, Alaska, Germany. Last two are pretty interchangeable with rank.

Do you get heartburn? I am on a prescription antacid because without it I have heartburn so extremely severe that it nearly makes me want to cry, like my throat will be PURE fucking acid fire. I'll sometimes feel it if I miss literally just a single day's dose. On the bright side I have learned via weight gain -> loss -> then gain again that it's absolutely weight-related, and I'm confident if I lose enough again it'll improve, if not totally stop.

What are three things you are known for on social media? Uh I guess primarily a photographer since I have the most socials for that purpose, and uh... I don't really think I'm even remotely noteworthy online in another way.

What is your Instagram account name? I have three haha; I'm not sharing my personal openly, but brittanymphotography is my basic photography account, and eldritch_obscura is roadkill/vulture culture-y photos.

Have you ever used Snapchat? No, that is NOT the app for someone who hates taking pictures of themselves lmao

Did you want to be famous when you were younger? Kinda like middle-high school transition/some of freshman year I kinda wanted to be an electric guitarist.

First celebrity you were obsessed with? Steve Irwin.

First celebrity crush? I was a Jesse McCartney bitch y'all

What was something unique about you as a kid? Uh... nothing exceedingly unique, but my writing abilities were raved over from a pretty damn young age by my teachers.

Were you ever goth/emo? Oh I was totally an emo teenager haha, and as an adult I'm 200% goth at heart lol, I'm just too poor as well as lazy for the outward appearance.

Do you want any more piercings? Oh yeah, quite a lot more.

[thevaudevilledemon]

Something I’m just putting out as a thought

You know those two words, those two most frustrating words anyone has to hear, and they are almost equally frustrating to sat. Two words no parent wants to hear, “I’m bored”.

“I’m bored”

Why be bored, why not play with your toys, watch a movie, do something, anything?

Well, this may just be a random thought from one autistic person who has been trying to figure themselves out for a couple years now, but maybe “I’m bored”, doesn’t actually ONLY mean “I’m bored”.

I started thinking about what I’m actually saying when I say “I’m bored” and I’ve come up with two possibilities.

1). “I’ve done everything I wanted and/or needed to do today and I still have so many hours left in my day and I don’t know how to spend them.”

2). “I want to do something with you (friend/family member)”

Now, the question of course comes “Why don’t you go do something?” Which is an easy question to answer with both interpretations of the line. It’s either “I don’t want to do <thing>” or “I want to do something with you”.

Of course, now the question comes up “Why don’t you want to do <thing>?”, well, that is a good question, <thing> kept you entertained before, why not now? Well, that is an easy answer, imagine listening to the same song over and over and over again, and there you go.

I hate falling into monotony, so when I catch myself just continuously doing something, I’m gonna find that I’m not even doing that thing because I enjoy it, I’m doing it out of sheer boredom. You know that kind of activity, putting on a movie or TV show as background noise, picking a playlist just to skip several songs in a row, logging in 555.7 hours on a game on Steam simply because it’s mindless enough that you can put a YouTube video over it (Gmod, Viscera, looking your way), and of course the most dreaded of these activities, boredom eating, snacking on stuff not even because your hungry, but simply because it is just something to do.

Well here’s the thing, being under-stimulated is a bad thing, and when our movies, games, shows or whatever just don’t stimulate our brains anymore, what else is there to do? When everything we want to do in a day is done, what else is there to do?

I was told one day that “Being bored makes you create your own fun and makes you find something to do”, but my experience has always been being bored leads me to play games I’ve lost interest in ages ago because they’re just mindless enough for me to play some music or a 2 hour YouTube video while playing it (Cough Viscera cough).

Of course, environment is also a big factor, I play Viscera a lot, not just because I can put something on in the background while playing it, but also because my bedroom (My private area since I still live with my dad), is not exactly set up for optimal use. I have to decide whether I want to watch a movie or play a game on one of my consoles, then I had to hook up to VCR-DVD player hybrid or the console I want to play, and I’ll be playing and watching it on my bed, which is not optimal at all since I’m not trying to sleep I’m simply trying to enjoy my day, then I’d have to decide which game or movie I’m in the mood for, which probably means I’d have to go digging for my DVDs or PS2 games, and you know what, I just don’t feel like putting in that amount of effort for an activity that my space is not optimally set up for.

I doubt I’m the only one to think of this, but ultimately, at the end of the day when I’m bored, it usually means I have done everything I wanted to do and it’s only 3:00, or I want to do something with other people, and saying “Well go do this”, is not helpful when you aren’t in the mood to do something. That is the big part about it, people don’t really seem to realize that you do kind of have to be in a certain mood to do things, like there are times I’m not really in the mood to watch a movie, maybe because I’m in a mood for stimming so I’ll go for a walk, maybe I’m tired and don’t want to go for a walk so I’ll put on a movie, maybe I’m tired and don’t want to go for a walk or watch a movie, what then?

Don’t think of boredom as “Being lazy” or “wanting more than you already have”, I think of boredom as a form of confusion.

[greaserink]

Tommy!!! I found not 1, not 2, but 3 fucking controllers! I'm 20! When I was playing on my brothers old ps2 I didnt even have three friends! Why do I have 3 fucking controllers and more importantly which one is the good one? Aldhslfh it's been too long

Playing Ice Age 2: The Meltdown with all of my friends on my ps2 sounds like an embarrassment, not fun. That and guitar hero were the only games I had. 3 controllers though?? Does it come with that many?

[cortexreaver]

while im in evil mode story of seasons: a wonderful life looks like shit every time i see a screenshot of it i physically recoil just fucking emulate the originals theres romhacks out there if you want to get gay married too which i know is one of the selling points of the smooth pastel abomination theyre trying to pass off as a remake as if they give a fuck about their target audience beyond how much money theyre willing to shell out out of nostalgia

[tentglitch]

May get a little crazy and try to emulate or buy p3

[kinogane]

As a result of storage limitations, Persona 3 Portable ditches the 3D overworld of Tatsumi Port Island and instead uses a more streamlined 2D point-and-click interface with static backgrounds. One result of this visual shift is that because the backgrounds are static, background characters without speaking roles are largely removed from scenes where they otherwise are present.

While this does change the framing to make it seem as if conversations are more isolated than they are, it’s usually either the case that it’s easy to intuit that someone else is probably there, or the only people around actually are just whoever’s part of the conversation. At any rate, as Portable is a remade port of the original PS2 Persona 3, it’s pretty trivial to cross-reference the original Social Link scene to see who else is there but unable to be represented.

Except that P3P also has its own entirely new Social Links through the addition of the female protagonist.

These Social Link scenes have no original equivalent, so the only point of reference for those scenes are as they’re presented in Portable, without the explicit presence of background characters.

I bring this up because when I recently thought back on Shinjiro’s Social Link, as one does, oddly enough the ones that came to mind first were the Rank 2 and 3 conversations, both of which happen at nighttime at Wakatsu Restaurant.

The way both conversations are framed, with that background in particular, makes it really seem like it’s just the two of you in the restaurant, having a meal and chatting over Akihiko and everyone’s nutrition. It comes across as a very mundane yet personal and intimate conversation, since there seems to be no other patrons and the only people who could possibly overhear your conversation are probably the disinterested staff.

Except, no, it’s not like this place is known for being light on customers, there’s probably other patrons around too. Cross-referencing the Rank 2 conversation with Yukari, which also takes place at Wakatsu, suggests as much.

Except your conversations with Shinjiro happen at night, so it’s probably likely that there are just less people naturally, so maybe it really is just the two of you, regardless of what your external knowledge of the limitations of the background might suggest?

The net result is that it’s unclear whether or not there are other people around during these Social Link conversations, which does have an appreciable effect on the mood of the conversation itself. I likely only remember the Rank 2 and 3 conversations with Shinjiro so well as a direct result of the perceived intimacy of those conversations. (There’s a pretty big difference between talking in a place with strangers and talking in one without!) But if it only seems that way as a result of technical limitations, then to an extent that memorability is a bit unearned? (Not that that’s a bad thing.) But if the writers knew of the limitation beforehand, which they probably did, is it possible that the feeling of being alone together is intentional and they simply leaned into it to make an otherwise casual conversation a bit more emotionally charged? Which they could in theory since, you know, these conversations only exist in Portable in the first place?

And this is all without factoring in the shift from dialogue overlayed over an overworld and more detailed portrait to a more visual novel-esque portrait-only presentation. Base P3 and FES offsets the portraits to the side to let you see the models in the overworld, necessarily splitting your attention; Portable, meanwhile, centers portraits, and as a direct result, your attention.

Generally speaking, Persona 3 Portable’s removal of the 3D overworld and visual simplification is seen as a fairly straight downgrade from Persona 3 FES or even the original Persona 3, but an acceptable compromise since what it adds in return, such as the entire female protagonist route and mechanical changes, gives it merit as a worthy complement (or depending on who you ask, successor) to FES. But in a weird and possibly (likely?) unintended way, the simplified visual presentation might have inadvertently enhanced the impact of the series’ characteristic Social Links in a way that no other Persona game is capable of, almost entirely as a knock-on effect of being on less powerful hardware.