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Dear Future Husband,

Please be my Most Recent Ex, 2.0.

Tall, dark-skinned and handsome (mostly to me). Big broad nose that I want to kiss like crazy. Skin smooth as buttuh with a butt I can grab lol. Play Villainous and Lorcana and (optional) Magic with me, and all the board games tbh. Move with humility, kindness, patience and chill. Be goofy with me. Be geeky with me. Have that same experience of "too black for the white, too white for the black" but still come out loving your blackness. Be creative. Make me feel safe. Give me energy. Drive me crazy in the good way.

But let's install some Effort for the Relationship. Conflict Resolution. Emotional Maturity, Control, Awareness, Availability and Honesty. Some demonstration that Love is Choice, Action and Feeling. Upgrade to Reading Me in Good Faith and Intellectual Curiosity. Upgrade to Deep Compassion for My Flaws.

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It's crazy

that I'm going through one of the absolute WORST periods of my life right now - heartbreak from what was a great relationship and potential eviction due to local government bungling - and the thing helping me the most besides my therapist is CHATGPT.

Not the government systems supposedly put in place to protect us. Not my personal network or "community." Nope. Fucking AI.

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I really hate

how people frame marriage sometimes. I don't think people realize how it stigmatizes people who are single and/or never found anyone who wanted to share their lives. Like we're not worthy or there's something wrong with us.

I'm not giving up on marriage yet but regardless of if some guy ever proposes or not, I'm worthy. I wasn't perfect, but I was a great girlfriend to my ex and I truly hope that the next guy I give my love to will embrace my love and move accordingly. I hope he will have grace for my flaws and make me feel so loved I can't even too. I'm putting it out into the universe!

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Joe: ugh why does my New Bitch Wife hate that I wanna kill??

Loves ghost:

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I'm so glad

YOU is over. I wasn't hype to watch Season 5 and post-finale, I was completely justified in not being hype.

It really didn't need to be alladat lol. The only thing worth mentioning is that I didn't care for Bronte or the way it went down.

The first 3 seasons were pretty great.

The last 2? Ridiculous.

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I'm trying

to keep it cute, but I can't.

I want to be one half of a loving, supportive, committed and fun couple. I want to be married. I want to belong to someone and hyphenate my last name.

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It's been

almost 2 months since we broke up, and I still want to contact him and sit around thinking about him and our relationship and all the things that made it impossible.

I still can't play The Sims. I can't go on Reddit until Easter. And next week I have the entire week off. I'm going to go insane.

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"if tumblr dies you can find me on bluesky" "if tumblr dies you can find me on Instagram" if tumblr dies you cannot find me. It's over. I'm free.

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Three Things:

Being single is not something that needs to be celebrated, any more than being in a relationship.

Truthfully. Read an article from the Atlantic about the incessant toxic positivity around being single these days. Listen. I am single. It is a state of being, like any other. I'm tired of feeling like people want me to wear a pin and stick my chest out proudly and be all RA RA SIS BOOM BA about it. I AM it. And I get that it's been demonized and penalized in society forever, but I'm so so tired of people overcorrecting everything. Just let us all be. That's all I want. I just want to be single, and that's it. No reaction. No "You go girl!" No "Haha loser spinster - go buy your cats already!"

Just "Ok." Just let me be.

At the end of the day, your attachment style doesn't dictate how your relationship will go.

There seem to be a lot of people who just want to say "I'm Avoidant/Anxious" and sit in it. No. The point of recognizing your style should be to take action to curb it for the health of your current or future relationship(s). Some people can really make it to secure attachment and I applaud them. Me? I think I will always be Anxious. But I'm aware of it, and my goal is to try - in my own clumsy ways - to mitigate the effect of it. I'm not striving for perfection/overcorrection, just how do I appropriately communicate my wants and needs? How do I know when this is a real problem vs. when this is something I can just talk out with my mom or therapist? Check in with my partner(s), myself and figure out how to soothe myself in some situations. That's how I can be proactive in my situation.

as long as it's not too toxic, your relationship lives and dies based on your effort to work it out.

This is what I've come to understand. Everyone else who is in long-lasting relationships, they aren't perfect healthy people. They are two (or however many) people who decide to communicate with one another, see one another's flaws and work with each other. That's what makes it a true partnership. I don't remember what podcast I was listening to, but it was about a married couple with a child where the mom was neurodivergent in an extreme way. She'd have to go into the hospital and she and her husband figured out a way to work it out. In spite of some of the things they've gone through due to her neurodivergence, he decided to stay. And I think it takes a tremendous amount of love, communication AND willingness to work with each other. Because I'm sure he has his days of weakness, when he might think it would be easier to just be done. He has his days where he breaks down too I'm sure. But they figure it out, one day at a time.

I'm thinking about this couple now, as I continue to try to play Detective about my own heartbreak (it's been a bit over a month). I can't wait until I don't feel the need to investigate and "repair" this, make it make sense. Because in the case of "Was He Avoidant/Emotionally Unavailable & How Could Things Be Different," it doesn't matter. None of that would matter if he made the conscious decision that he wanted to stay with me. I told him my truth, which was much like the husband's in the podcast. I was willing to extend grace to his issues a thousand-fold in an effort to understand, to be there for him and work through it. And his truth was that he didn't want to. Case closed.

Cancer. Neurodivergence. Cheating. Insecurities. Little-T "toxic" behaviors that may pop up sometimes because no one is perfect. When the person means enough to you, you'll do the work. Even when people describe their relationships/love as "easy," it's easy because the work doesn't feel like a cross to bear or a burden. They simply want to do it. Case closed.

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I don't

have to love being single.

have to fully love myself.

I'm a Work in Progress, even at my big age. And there are other WiPs out there who are my big age too, and we can work it out together. Maybe we'll get it right in our Second Act.

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I will succeed because I'm crazy. 2025 mantra

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Anyone else not care if a character is “redeemable” even a little. Either they get better or they die terrible. I am not Anubis, weighing their hearts against a feather. I wanna see what else they can do and how they can grow or change or even get worse. Stop asking me if a character can be forgiven. I don’t care.

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