#big nate marcus

[until-another-one-comes]

The worst and most confusing flirting ever

[tankmanaj]

[tieetiee]

moreee sillies of them for @until-another-one-comes :^) high school au this time mwahaha

[kratosnaturals]

WIP Saturday Sunday #3

“Mr. Valentine… I thought I could still catch you in time, but– ah, should I come back tomorrow morning?” Eliza asked, lowering her umbrella. Nick contemplated for a moment, “no- no, it’s fine. You came all this way in this weather, come on in.”

He didn’t quite mind this late night visit. She seemed like good enough company. While he quickly took the last few drags of his cigarette and stomping it into the ground, Eliza shook out her umbrella and straightened out her coat. With a nod to the door he invited her in, holding open the heavy door for her.

With a quiet ‘thank you’ she ducked into the agency. Nick followed closely behind, quietly shutting the door.

"Please, make yourself comfortable. Let me get that coat for you," he said, lazily stretching out an arm. Eliza obliged, shedding her wet coat for Nick to hang up before she sat down on the cushiony chair in front of his desk with a pleased sigh. She rolled her shoulders a few times and winced quietly when something popped.

"I hope the road treated you better than the weather. Pretty late to still be out on your own."

"I didn't say I'm on my own. Nate had business in town, so I decided to join him. He said he was going to pay you a visit in the morning. Didn't wanna bother you so late in the night," Eliza corrected with a smile. Nick answered with a thoughtful "huh" and made a mental note to make some time for his friend tomorrow. He did so like hearing all of Nate’s stories.

"We would have been here sooner had it not been for raiders," continued Eliza.

Nick sighed, sitting down at his desk, "as usual. You alright? You or Nate got hurt?"

"Nothing we can't handle."

He gave a light chuckle. A few cuts and bruises were to be expected. What did Eliza like to say with each new scar- ah, ‘well, at least I got another scar to brag about to the ladies’.

"So, I assume this is a professional visit? Correct me if I'm wrong," the synth started, going right back to the matter at hand. Eliza nodded, "all business."

"So you finally felt brave enough to approach me directly after gawking at me for months," Nick chuckled, leaning back in his seat, "many don't."

The other gave him a shy smile, "Apologies, I know it was rude of me. I was contemplating if I should ask you for your assistance or not."

The synth hummed. Another case to solve. Usual business. ‘Go to Nick’, and all that. Nick chuckled then, “so it wasn’t this ugly mug that made you frown so much?”

“No. I find you to be easy enough on the eye, detective,” Eliza answered with a soft chuckle and a glint in her eyes of her own.

“Well, that’s a first,” Nick mumbled, a bit flustered. He cleared his throat, “Anyway, Ellie isn't here right now, but I think we'll manage," he continued as he got out his notepad and pencil, "what plagues you?"

Aka. Hi I got into Fallout recently and I'm positively obsessed with robo-peepaw.

[sunnyhoneyshimmermagic]

here it is, everyone! the official (and not without mistakes but fuck it this is the best anyone will ever get) appearance tracker of EVERY BIG NATE CHARACTER (that matters at least a little bit, also I forgot Rusty sienna r.i.p)

THE TOP 10:

Nate: 11,106

2. Francis: 4,166

3. Teddy: 2,936

4. Marty: 1,541

5. Mrs. Godfrey: 890

6. Chad: 691

7. Ellen: 583

8. Mr. Rosa: 537

9. Gina: 506

10. Jenny: 427

Rounding out the top 20:

11. Dee Dee: 358

12. Artur: 343

13. Coach Calhoon: 339

14. Spitsy: 304

15. Principal Nichols: 255

16. School Picture Guy: 219

17. Sheila: 202

18. Coach John: 164

19. Gramps/Vern: 163

20. Mr. Glavin: 152

MORE THAN A 100 APPEARANCES:

21. Dr. Cesspool: 150

22. Gordie: 147

23. Ms. Clarke: 145

24. Czerwicki: 139

25. Kim: 119

26. Biff: 116

27. Gram/Marge: 107

STILL PRETTY MAJOR:

28. Chip: 99

29. Chester: 97

30. Mrs. Shipulski: 95

31. Peter: 92

32. Pickles: 91

33. Randy: 81

GETTING THERE:

34. Nate drawing of Mrs. Godfrey where she doesn’t appear: 74

35. Nurse Maureen Biology: 72

36. Angie: 71

37. Trudy: 67

38. Dan Cupid: 65

39. Uncle Ted: 64

40. Mr. Staples: 62

40. Daphne: 62

42. Nate drawing of Ellen where she doesn’t appear: 61

43. Mr. Eustis: 60

44. Bob Snuggles: 51

44. Kelly: 51 

46. Sherman: 50

47. Moe Mentum: 46

48. Marcus: 42

49. Miranda: 41

YEAH THESE ARE GETTING OBSCURE NOW:

50. Kenny Smithson: 39

50. Timmy Snuggles: 39

52. Nate drawing of Marty where he doesn’t appear: 38

53. Honey Snuggles: 35

54. Punkin Snuggles: 34

55. J.B.: 33

56. Nate drawing of Francis where he doesn’t appear: 27

57. Superdad: 24

58. Derek Nack: 20

59. Daisy: 19

59. Warren Fuzzy: 19

61. Mrs. Bigbee: 18

61. Nate drawing of Teddy where he doesn’t appear: 18

63. Slim Stubby: 15

63. Nate drawing of Jenny where she doesn’t appear: 15

65. Nate drawing of Kenny Smithson where he doesn’t appear: 14

65. Wayne: 14

65. Whitey: 14

68. The Brain (Chess Camp): 13

68. Lila: 13

68. Nate drawing of Mr. Rosa where he doesn’t appear: 13

71. Action Cat: 12

72. Audrey the Lifeguard: 11

72. Nate drawing of Mr. Galvin where he doesn’t appear: 11

72. Hickson: 11

72. Craig (incel): 11

76. Paige: 10

76. Nate drawing of Mr. Staples where he doesn’t appear: 10

76. Nigel (doppleganger): 10

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL:

79. Ronnie (Jenny’s Boyfriend): 9

80. Nate drawing of Gordie where he doesn’t appear: 8

80. Wink Summers: 8

80. Nate drawing of Nate where he doesn’t appear: 8

83. Kit: 7

83. Kaboodle: 7

83. Stan Cupid: 7

83. Emmit the Custodian: 7

87. Marla the Mailwoman: 6

88. Claire Voyant: 5

88. Fluffy Snuggles: 5

88. Nate drawing of Coach Calhoon where she doesn’t appear: 5

88. Nate Drawing of Ms. Clarke where he doesn’t appear: 5

92. Moe Mentum’s Agent: 4

92. Greg Proxmire: 4

92. Leo Tard: 4

92. She-Pulski: 4

92. Nate drawing of Principal Nichols where he doesn’t appear: 4

97. Jenny’s Dad: 3

97. Celine Paycheck: 3

97. Math Man: 3

97. Half-Pint: 3

97. Mrs. Holloway: 3

97. Stan Pokecheck: 3

97. Deke Boarding: 3

104. Nate drawing of Sheila where she doesn’t appear: 2

104. April Showers: 2

104. Mega Teen: 2

104. Ms. Brindle: 2

104. Nate drawing of La Chance where she doesn’t appear: 2

104. Nate drawing of Gina where she doesn’t appear: 2

104. Nate drawing of Pickles where she doesn’t appear: 2

104. Daphne’s mom: 2

112. Jenny’s Mom: 1

112. Nate drawing of ronnie where he doesn’t appear: 1

112. Nate drawing of Ms. Brindle where she doesn’t appear: 1

112. Nate drawing of Aldrige where she doesn’t appear: 1

112. Nate drawing of Wink Summers where he doesn’t appear: 1

112. Mrs. Williger: 1

112. Nate drawing of Uncle Ted where he doesn’t appear: 1

112. Nate drawing of Spitsy where he doesn’t appear: 1

112. Ultra Nate: 1

112. Algebro: 1

112. Nate drawing of Artur where he doesn’t appear: 1

112. Nate drawing of Chester where he doesn’t appear: 1

112. Mr. Holloway: 1

112. Nate drawing of Randy where he doesn’t appear: 1

112. Nate drawing of Kim where she doesn’t appear: 1

112. Nate drawing of Dee Dee where she doesn’t appear: 1

112. Nate drawing of Daphne where she doesn’t appear: 1

112. Nate drawing of Chad where he doesn’t appear: 1

Questions and replies are more than welcome! This list will update every Sunday when an arc is "over"!

[swayhere]

canon starter call - open to anyone !

i have a strong urge to write some canon muses, so if you would be interested in writing against any of the canon muses listed under the READ MORE below, please comment/IM me and i can send a starter your way or reply to one of your starters.

i do not require you to know anything about my muse's canon, but i'm more than happy to tell you about it if you ask. i'd be happy to write canon muses against your ocs! also, mixing fandoms is 100% ok with me unless your canon muse is problematic and makes me uncomfy. my canon muses do not have all their memories or relationships from their life unless we plot it, but they will have the same general personality/ambitions.

if you are willing to write against my canon muses but don't care which, just like this post, and i'll take a look at your open starters and/or send you a closed starter at random with a muse i think fits the vibe.

*please don't agree to write against my canon muses if you're one of those picky weirdos that will be up in arms if i don't write a cannon muse exactly how you would.

( if you'd prefer to write against an oc muse only, check this post. )

canon muses i'd like to write: bold = extra big muse rn. strikethrough = exclusive, so not rn.

muses from tv shows: 

911 — eddie diaz , evan buckley , athena grant , bobby nash , karen wilson

911: lonestar — carlos reyes , grace ryder , judson ryder , t.k. strand , owen strand

as the world turns — dr. reid oliver , luke snyder

boy meets world — shawn hunter , jack hunter , angela moore , topanga lawrence

chuck — sarah walker , chuck bartowski , bryce larkin 

degrassi — jimmy brooks , sean cameron , ellie nash , marco del rossi , sav bhandari , drew torres , zoe rivas , miles hollingsworth iii , tiny bell , esme song , 

gilmore girls — jess , luke

good trouble — gael martinez , jamie hunter , callie adams foster , mariana adams foster , evan speck , joaquin perez , dennis cooper 

how i met your father — sid , ian , sophie , jesse

how i met your mother — marshall eriksen , lily aldrin , victoria

how to get away with murder — laurel castillo , connor walsh , oliver hampton , michaela pratt , frank delfino 

jessica jones — jessica jones

lost — kate austen , juliet burke , daniel faraday , desmond hume , sayid jarrah , sun-hwa kwon , claire littleton , walter ‘walt’ lloyd , charlie pace , hugo ‘hurley’ reyes , shannon rutherford , miles straume 

new amsterdam — lauren bloom , elizabeth wilder , casey acosta

new girl — nick miller , winston bishop , cece parekh

one tree hill — nathan scott , lucas scott , keith scott , chase adams , brooke davis 

outer banks (obx) — jj maybank , kiara carrera

please like me — arnold 

rosewell, new mexico — michael guerin , maria deluca , isobel evans

scandal — olivia pope , prezzy fitz

scooby doo — daphne blake

stranger things — robin buckley , steve harrington , jim hopper , chrissy cunningham , eddie munson , max mayfield , eleven , mike wheeler 

superstore — jonah simms

the 100 — finn collins

the bear — richie jerimovich, carmy berzatto , marcus , sydney adamu  

the mindy project — danny castellano 

the office — ryan howard , jim halpert , pam halpert , kelly kapoor , holly flax

the politician — river barkley , astrid sloan 

the young & the restless — sally spectra , adam newman , chelsea lawson , phyllis summers , lily winters , sharon newman , chance chancellor , victoria newman , tessa porter , amanda sinclair , cole howard

younger — josh , kelsey peters

muses from books: 

along for the ride ( book version only ) — eli stock , auden west , maggie  

one of us is lying ( book version only ) — cooper clay , nate

red white & royal blue — alex claremont-diaz , prince henry , zahra bankston

we were liars — gatwick ‘gat’ matthew patil

muses from movies: 

dead poets society — neil perry , charlie dalton , todd anderson

harry potter — lee jordan

les mis — enjolras , grantaire 

super 8 — joe lamb , martin , preston

twilight — irina denali , jasper cullen

[identity-library]

Diverse Sexuality (TV Shows)

A:

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (2013)

José "Joey" Gutierrez (Gay)

Marcus Benson (Gay)

All Saints (1998)

Charlotte Beaumont (Bisexual)

American Dad (2005)

Greg (Gay)

Terry (Gay)

Andor (2022)

Cinta Kaz (Unspecified WLW)

Vel Sartha (Unspecified WLW)

Arthur (1996)

Nigel Ratburn (Gay)

Patrick (Gay)

B:

Battlestar Galactica (2004)

Felix Gaeta (Bisexual)

Big Mouth (2017)

Ali (Pansexual)

Charles Lu (Unspecified MLM)

Connie LaCienega (Pansexual)

Elijah (Asexual)

Jayzarian "Jay" Bilzerian (Bisexual)

Jessica "Jessi" Glaser (Bisexual)

Matthew MacDell (Gay)

Maury Beverly (Pansexual)

Megan (Bisexual)

Mona (Bisexual)

Nadja El-Khoury (Lesbian)

Shannon Glaser (Lesbian)

Simon Sex (Bisexual)

Sonya Poinsettia (Bisexual)

Tyler Pico (Pansexual)

Bob's Burgers (2011)

Natalie "Nat" Kinkle (Unspecified WLW)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013)

Jenny Gildenhorn (Bisexual)

Jocelyn Price (Lesbian)

Kevin Cozner (Gay)

Raymond "Ray" Holt (Gay)

Rosalita "Rosa" Diaz (Bisexual)

C:

Chicago Fire (2012)

Clarice Carthage (Bisexual)

Darren Ritter (Gay)

Emily Foster (Bisexual)

Leslie Shay (Lesbian)

Chicago Med (2015)

Lawrence Dayle (Unspecified MLM)

Peter Kalmick (Unspecified MLM)

Terry McNeal (Gay)

Code Black (2015)

Carla Niven (Lesbian)

Malaya Pineda (Lesbian)

Noa Kean (Bisexual)

Community (2009)

Craig Pelton (Unlabeled MLM)

Frankie Dart (Unspecified WLW)

Craig of the Creek (2018)

Alexis (Pansexual)

Courtney (Lesbian)

George (Gay)

Jasmine Williams (Lesbian)

Kelsey Pokoly (Lesbian)

Laura Mercer (Lesbian)

Raj (Gay)

Secret Keeper (Gay)

Shawn (Gay)

Stacks (Lesbian)

Tabitha (Lesbian)

D:

Dead End: Paranormal Park (2022)

Barney Guttman (Gay)

Logan Nguyen (Gay)

Norma Khan (Bisexual)

Zagan (Pansexual)

Doom Patrol (2019)

Kay Challis/Crazy Jane (Lesbian)

Larry Trainor (Gay)

Dr. Who (2005)

Adric (Pansexual)

Bill Potts (Lesbian)

Canton Everett Delaware ||| (Gay)

Chris Cwej (Bisexual)

Clara Oswald (Bisexual)

Elizabeth "Liz" Shaw (Bisexual)

Heather (Lesbian)

Jack Harkness (Omnisexual + Polyamorous)

Jennifer "Jenny Flint" Scarrity (Lesbian)

Madame Vastra (Lesbian)

Melony "River Song" Pond (Bisexual + Polyamorous)

Nyssa of Traken (Bisexual)

Oliver Harper (Gay)

Olivia "Liv" Chenka (Bisexual)

Patricia Haggard (Lesbian)

Rogue (Gay)

Tania Bell (Lesbian)

Tegan Jovanka (Bisexual)

Toshiko Sato (Bisexual)

Yasmin Khan (Queer)

E:

Equestria Girls (2017)

Sunset Shimmer (Bisexual)

ER (1994)

Courtney Brown (Lesbian)

Kerry Weaver (Lesbian)

Kim Legaspi (Lesbian)

Maggie Doyle (Lesbian)

Sandy Lopez (Lesbian)

Euphoria (2019)

Cal Jacobs (Bisexual)

Elliot (Unlabeled MLM)

Jules Vaughn (Unlabeled WLW)

Nate Jacobs (Unspecified MLM)

Rue Bennett (Lesbian)

Ever After High (2013)

Apple White (Unspecified WLW)

Darling Charming (Unspecified WLW)

F:

G:

Glee (2009)

Adam Crawford (Gay)

Alistair (Unspecified MLM)

Blaine Anderson (Gay)

Brittany Pierce (Bisexual)

Dani (Lesbian)

David "Dave" Karofsky (Gay)

Elliott Gilbert (Gay)

Hiram Barry (Gay)

Kurt Hummel (Gay)

Leroy Barry (Gay)

Santana Lopez (Lesbian)

Sebastian Smythe (Bisexual)

Spencer Porter (Gay)

Grey's Anatomy (2005)

Amelia Shepherd (Bisexual)

Arizona Robbins (Lesbian)

Callie Torres (Bisexual)

Carina DeLuca (Bisexual)

Dayna Knox (Lesbian)

Eliza Minnick (Lesbian)

Erica Hahn (Lesbian)

Levi Schmitt (Gay)

Mika Yasuda (Bisexual)

Nico Kim (Gay)

Taryn Helm (Lesbian)

Teddy Altman (Bisexual)

H:

Harley Quinn (2019)

Basil Karlo/Clayface (Gay)

Edward Nygma/The Riddler (Gay)

Frank (Asexual)

Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn (Bisexual)

Leslie Wills/Livewire (Lesbian)

Mari McCabe/Vixen (Bisexual)

Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy (Bisexual)

Selina Kyle/Catwoman (Unspecified WLW)

Sylvester "Sy" Borgman (Bisexual)

Hazbin Hotel (2024)

Alastor (Aromantic, Asexual)

Angel Dust (Gay)

Charlotte "Charlie" Morningstar (Lesbian)

Cherri Bomb (Bisexual)

Husker (Pansexual)

Sir Pentious (Bisexual)

Vaggie (Unspecified WLW)

Valentino (Pansexual)

Vox (Bisexual)

Heartbreak High (2022)

Darren Rivers (Gay, Queer)

Donald "Ca$h" Piggott (Asexual)

Dustin Reid (Unspecified MLM)

Malakai Mitchell (Bisexual)

Missy Beckett (Bisexual)

Quinni Gallagher-Jones (Lesbian)

Rowan Callaghan (Bisexual)

Sasha So (Lesbian)

Heartstopper (2022)

Ben Hope (Unspecified MLM)

Charles "Charlie" Spring (Gay)

Darcy Olsson (Lesbian)

Isaac Henderson (Asexual, Aromantic)

Nick Nelson (Bisexual)

Tara Jones (Lesbian)

How I Met Your Mother (2005)

James Stinson (Gay)

Human Resources (2022)

Claudia (Lesbian)

Danielle (Lesbian)

Flanny O'Lympic (Bisexual)

Van (Lesbian)

I:

J:

K:

L:

M:

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir (2015)

Alix Kubdel (Aromantic)

Caline Bustier (Unspecified WLW)

Gisèle (Unspecified WLW)

Juleka Couffaine (Unspecified WLW)

Marc Anciel (Unspecified MLM)

Max Kanté (Asexual)

Nathaniel Kurtzberg (Unspecified MLM)

Rose Lavillant (Unspecified WLW)

Zoé Lee (Unspecified WLW)

Modern Family (2009)

Cameron Tucker (Gay)

Gil Thorpe (Gay)

Mitchell Pritchett (Gay)

Pepper Saltzman (Gay)

Ronaldo (Unspecified MLM)

Mom (2013)

Bonnie Plunkett (Bisexual)

Ray Stabler (Gay)

Rudy (Bisexual)

N:

Nanbaka (2016)

Jyugo (Bisexual)

New Amsterdam (2018)

Elizabeth Wilder (Bisexual)

Iggy Frome (Gay)

Lauren Bloom (Bisexual)

Leyla Shinwari (Lesbian)

Martin McIntyre (Gay)

New Girl (2011)

Melissa (Unspecified WLW)

Reagan Lucas (Bisexual)

Sadie (Lesbian)

O:

P:

Peacemaker (2022)

Christopher Smith/Peacemaker (Bisexual)

Leota Adebayo (Lesbian)

Private Practice (2007)

Amelia Shepherd (Bisexual)

Q:

R:

Raising Dion (2019)

Kat Neese (Lesbian)

Roswell, New Mexico (2019)

Alex Manes (Gay)

Allie Meyers (Unspecified WLW)

Anatsa Mufaro (Unspecified WLW)

Blaire (Unspecified WLW)

Forrest (Gay)

Isobel Evans-Bracken (Bisexual)

Michael Guerin (Bisexual)

Shivani Sen (Unspecified WLW)

Runaways (2017)

Karolina Dean (Lesbian)

Nico Minoru (Bisexual)

Xavin (Pansexual)

S:

Safe (2018)

Pete Mayfield (Gay)

Saving Hope (2012)

Bree Hannigan (Lesbian)

Maggie Lin (Bisexual)

Sydney Katz (Lesbian)

Shadowhunters (2016)

Alexander "Alec" Lightwood (Gay)

Aline Penhallow (Unspecified WLW)

Magnus Bane (Bisexual)

Olivia Wilson (Unspecified WLW)

Samantha (Unspecified WLW)

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)

Adora (Lesbian)

Bow (Bisexual)

Catra (Lesbian)

Double Trouble (Gay)

Entrapta (Bisexual)

George (Gay)

Glimmer (Bisexual)

Huntara (Lesbian)

Kyle (Bisexual)

Lance (Gay)

Light Hope (Lesbian)

Lonnie (Bisexual)

Mara (Lesbian)

Mermista (Bisexual)

Netossa (Lesbian)

Perfuma (Unspecified WLW)

Rogelio (Bisexual)

Scorpia (Lesbian)

Sea Hawk (Bisexual)

Spinnerella (Lesbian)

Station 19 (2018)

Amelia Shepherd (Bisexual)

Carina DeLuca (Bisexual)

Dayna Knox (Lesbian)

Eli Stern (Bisexual)

Emmett Dixon (Gay)

Maya Bishop (Bisexual)

Michelle Alvarez (Lesbian)

Nikki (Bisexual)

Pam Williams (Lesbian)

Travis Montgomery (Gay)

Steven Universe (2013)

Bismuth (Lesbian)

Dogcopter (Gay)

Harold Smiley (Gay)

Pearl (Lesbian)

Peridot (Asexual, Aromantic)

Ruby (Lesbian)

Sapphire (Lesbian)

Stumptown (2019)

Dex Parios (Bisexual)

T:

The Babysitter's Club (2020)

Dawn Schafer (Unlabeled WLW)

Janine Kishi (Lesbian)

The Magicians (2015)

Eliot Waugh (Gay)

The Owl House (2020)

Amity Blight (Lesbian)

Darius Deamonne (Gay)

Eda Clawthorne (Bisexual)

Gilbert Park (Unspecified MLM)

Harvey Park (Unspecified MLM)

Hunter (Bisexual)

Lilith Clawthorne (Asexual, Aromantic)

Luz Noceda (Bisexual)

Willow Park (Bisexual)

The Resident (2018)

Jake Wong (Gay)

The Rookie (2018)

Jackson West (Gay)

Gino Brown (Gay)

The Second Best Hospital in the Galaxy (2024)

Klak (Unspecified WLW)

Slug Girl (Unspecified WLW)

The 100 (2014)

Bryan (Gay)

Clarke Griffin (Bisexual)

Eric Jackson (Gay)

Lexa (Lesbian)

Nathan Miller (Gay)

Niylah (Lesbian)

Zev (Gay)

Titans (2018)

Tim Drake/Robin (Bisexual)

Total Drama (Franchise)

Bowie (Gay)

Raj (Gay)

U:

V:

W:

X:

Y:

Z:

#:

9-1-1 (2018)

David Hale (Unspecified MLM)

Evan "Buck" Buckley (Bisexual)

Henrietta "Hen" Wilson (Lesbian)

John Russo (Unspecified MLM)

Karen Wilson (Lesbian)

Michael Grant (Gay)

Tommy Kinard (Gay)

9-1-1: Lone Star (2020)

Carlos Reyes (Gay)

Tyler Kennedy "TK" Strand (Gay)

[solivar]

Ghost Stories On Route 66

Chapter 16

Calling it a cave was lending it a dignity it absolutely did not deserve but the alternative -- a crack, barely deep enough to hold both him and the little pack he carried simultaneously -- was the sort of defeatist thinking that Pop Pop Nate would have frowned upon pretty strenuously. It was, however, not really a cave and, as far as shelters went, it left plenty of things to be desired: it wasn’t big enough to stand up in and so he had to shove his pack in first and then crawl in after it, scrambling all the way across an unevenly angled floor covered in sand and sharp bits of stone that were destined to become lodged in places nobody ever wanted to have a pointy rock poking them. On the plus side, with the sun almost down, the entrance was already fully in shadow and it was only dumb luck that he’d spotted it himself, mostly concealed as it was behind a mass of tangled half-grown mesquite poking up through a drift of scree that might rattle as he walked on it but wouldn’t take a print no matter how heavy footed he was scrambling up. It was even a little bit warmer inside than out, the rising wind hissing through the mesquite branches but breaking around the entrance to his hidey hole so that only the barest lick of it reached him, tasting like snow, like ice.

NWS had been forecasting the possibility when he left the cabin and he didn’t quite dare bring out his little handheld to check the current weather, in case his pursuer had some means of tracking him that partook of triangulating comm signals, which was not beyond the bounds of reality. He likewise didn’t yet dare to bring out the package of nutrient-dense snack bars he’d stashed in his pack before leaving or wiggle the survival blanket out of the first aid kit, because opening up either one would make noise that could carry for miles and he had no practical idea how close or far away his pursuer might be. He’d lost sight of him once he’d scrambled down off the ridgeline himself and into the maze of defiles marking the edge of the valley, looking for someplace to take cover as darkness approached and the temperature dropped and the skies slowly clouded over. The last glimpse he’d had was Marcus silhouetted against the sky, rifle not quite leveled, as he’d scrambled behind a screen of brush and jumbled stone, the best part of an hour ago.

In the best part of another hour, it would be fully dark and then he would have a choice to make: hunker down in this little hole for the night and hope he didn’t freeze, even with the survival blanket, because he didn’t dare start a fire, or try to make his way back home under cover of night and hope that he didn’t leave a trail clear enough to follow back to his own doorstep or break an ankle in the dark or be caught out in the open with nowhere to run or hide. A thread of cold air found its way down his back, sliding over the collar of his jacket, and he tucked his legs closer to his chest, wrapped his arms around them, admitted that none of his choices were good.

From above, a loose stone clattered down the face of the rise to land somewhere to the right of his little hole. He clapped his hands over his mouth to keep the fear-driven sound he felt crawling up his throat from escaping, along with his adrenaline-spiked heart, ricocheting around inside his ribcage as though it intended to flee completely independent of the rest of him.

Calm down. Calm down. It’s just a coyote out hunting or a squirrel headed back to its den. He forced himself to lower his hands, to breathe slowly, evenly, in through the nose, out through the mouth, to minimize the sound of it. Calm down calm down calm

“I know you’re here, Jesse.” Marcus Whitehawk’s voice drifted down from above.

Jesse’s hands found their way back over his mouth again.

“I know you can hear me.” Another rock, and then a few more, a steady trickle of sand, and now he could hear the scrape of hard boot soles against stone. “Come out now, stop running, and I’ll make it quick.”

Calm down calm down calm down. It was all he could do to not let the panic trying to claw its way out of his chest take over the pace of his breathing, permit little noises of distress to pass his lips. He can’t see you, he doesn’t know where you are, if he did he wouldn’t be trying to flush you, calm down.

“I’ll find you, one way or another.” The footsteps and the regular tumble of stone came to a halt. “Hard and slow or fast and painless, the choice is yours, Jesse.”

He buried his face in his knees, squeezed his eyes closed on the tears trying to well up, shook silently. After a moment, the footsteps continued on.

Can’t stay here. The thought crawled out of the panicked circles his brain was running in, the first coherent one in the minutes after. He’s going to circle down this way eventually, and when he does, he’ll -- He took a ragged, desperate breath, too loud. Wait till it’s a little more dark.

He inched closer to the entrance of his hiding place, and watched as the sky faded from dusky gold to vivid crimson-purple to the deep lingering blue of winter twilight, just enough light left to see the floor of the valley, still some distance below his own perch, enough to let him make his way down with only a little risk of falling or setting off an avalanche of scree himself. If he left. Right now.

It took him an unpardonably long time to actually reach back and gather up his pack, to ease himself out of the hidey hole legs first, crawl along under the mesquite bushes with excruciating slowness to avoid knocking any rocks askew -- well, okay, not too many rocks, because it was impossible to avoid at all and definitely harder in the near-dark. He kept himself tucked low to the ground once he passed beyond their dubious shelter, making himself as small as he could, just a part of the background clutter, the flesh between his shoulder blades crawling furiously with every step he took in the open.

Just keep going -- get to the valley floor and it’ll be easier to move, easier to run, you can take the long way around to the cabin and he might not even --

He heard the shot before he felt it -- a single sharp report, its echoes bouncing off a thousand surfaces -- and then he was falling, knocked off his feet, bouncing off loose masses of stone and stunted shrubs, coming to rest flat on his back at the base of the rise. His pack came off somewhere above, and he’d left most of his breath behind on the ride down, and his lungs seemed deeply disinclined to help catch it back, full of something too thick to inhale around. He coughed hard, spat blood, and the pain lanced through his chest at last, finding its way around shock, and his head spun, hot and throbbing. He should, he knew, try to get up, try to run, try to do something, anything, but he couldn’t breathe .

From an impossibly vast distance, he heard someone sliding down the decline. It took all his strength to lift his head, to force his eyes to focus, Marcus striding toward him, and he felt it, felt it like he hadn’t in years, roaring up inside him with the blood bubbling in his throat, in his lungs, throbbing in his temples and in his gut: hunger. Hunger sharp and hard and hot, clawing at his insides, thrashing in his veins and flesh and soul. He dragged in a painful, rattling breath and croaked, “Stay...back. Please..stay…”

He coughed again, and the taste of his own blood in his mouth, on his tongue, on his teeth , made everything worse, sharper and harder and hotter, like throwing kerosene on a fire made of twisted metal and broken glass. It roared in him, that hunger, split his gums and the tips of his fingers, didn’t care that he had a monster-killing bullet in his chest, wanted to rip and rend and tear and Marcus was not fucking stopping.

“Please,” It came out warped and twisted, around his new teeth and new tongue, the straining of his jaw, but if his not-cousin heard the difference he made no sign of it. “Stay --”

“Don’t move.” A foot came down on his chest, pinned him back to the hardpack, sent a bolt of pain through him that, for an instant, briefly eclipsed all else. The cold barrel of the rifle rested against his forehead. “I told you. You shouldn’t have run.”

Please , he wanted to say, but the pain tightening his chest, the blood boiling up his throat wouldn’t allow it. Please get back, I don’t want

He heard the rifle’s action work, heard the cartridge slide into place, heard the bolt click home. Smelled gun oil and powder and the blood pulsing in Marcus’ veins, the warmth of his flesh, the taste of his breath, and the hunger inside him rose up and roared . Distantly, he heard someone screaming. He thought, for a moment, before the world slid away into darkness, that it might be himself.

When Jesse opened his eyes, it was snowing. It was snowing and the wind was blowing hard out of the north and the icy kiss of it was scorching his face and hands, cutting through his wet clothing where it clung stickily to his body. His lashes clung together as he blinked, eyes blurry, spit thick, mouth tasting of iron and salt and something else he couldn’t quite identify. His eyes refused to blink clear and so he scrubbed at his face with the sleeve of his jacket, tacky-damp, and he finally recognized what he was tasting, the smell on the air that wasn’t snow.

Blood.

A lot of blood. In fact, he realized as his vision cleared and his head stopped revolving in slow, steady circles, that there wasn’t much left of Marcus but the muddy, slushy puddle a good bit of his blood had made. Jesse knelt at the edge of it, the knees of his jeans soaked through, sleeves of his jacket wet to the elbows, his hands still not quite right. A shred of flannel that had probably already been red poked out of the mess and there draped over one of the bigger rocks was a strip of skin with some lengths of long dark hair still attached and a couple little knobs of bone, meticulously scraped clean of flesh but too tough to bite through, scattered like dice on a kitchen table. He could feel the effort it had taken to do the scraping in the muscles of his jaw, in his teeth, and he curled around himself, wanted to be sick, wanted to heave up everything he’d just swallowed down, but his body absolutely refused to even consider the idea, smugly full and happy about it, lungs clear, pain gone. He squeezed his eyes closed and whispered prayers to every god and spirit and ancestor he could think of who might take the littlest trace of pity on him and make this not to have happened. When he opened them again, no god or spirit or ancestor had chosen to answer.

Get up, a little voice that might have been sanity or might have been something else whispered in the back of his mind. Get up you have to get up what if he wasn’t alone? What if there’s more of them out there and they find you here and they see this and

He found he didn’t care at all that there might be more and that they might find him and that they might see what he’d done. What followed after would only be just.

Get up, that little voice whispered again, go home, go back to the cabin, wash off, burn the clothes, call Gabe and Jack, tell them

And even the little voice flinched away from that . From telling them that. That he’d killed , that he’d eaten , that he’d failed them, that he’d betrayed everything they’d ever taught him and every word he’d sworn to them and everything he’d promised he’d be and that he wouldn’t do. That thought, of how ashamed and disappointed they would be, was what brought him to his feet, finally put a churning twist in his gut.

I can’t go back. The thought made itself heard and he knew it was true. There was no way he could go back to that little cabin, that safe and comfortable place that his grandparents had made, not now, not like this, with the blood of an innocent man drying on under his nails and his stomach still full of his meat. He could never go there again, because he wasn’t the person he’d been when he left -- he was something less now, and worse, and he turned away and walked north into the desert, into the hills, the cutting cold of the wind biting nowhere deep enough.

He walked for hours -- he had no idea how many, had no idea of how long any of what he’d done had taken, and found he didn’t care. The cold sank into him, and the dark, and he felt them only distantly, the snow freezing in his hair and the tears on his cheeks. He walked until the sky in the east grew slowly lighter, even behind the clouds, the dark fading from black to deepest blue and the sun finally rising sick and smeared and bloody on the horizon, casting deep shadows across the desert.

At his feet, a canyon yawned -- if he’d gone a few more feet in the dark, he’d have walked off the edge without ever seeing it, and the smile that curled his mouth and split his lips was bitter. He came to that edge now and looked down, down the striated and rust-red walls to the bottom, still deep in shadow -- jagged shadows, sharp and gnashing, like the hungry jaws of a starving beast.

It was, he thought, weary, sick, a long way down. Maybe long enough. He took a deep, searing cold breath, and turned. To the south, the wind was tearing the clouds apart, the last of the brightest stars just blinking out. He released his breath and let himself fall.

*

Hanzo opened his eyes with his gut and chest and head still full of the swooping, sickening, plunging sensation of falling to the comforting sight of the ranger’s carved and brightly painted bedroom ceiling. The relief this occasioned persisted for the whole three seconds it took for him to register that he was, in fact, falling. He hit the ranger’s likewise wooden floor with a force only slightly blunted by his state of partial mummification in a mass of sheets and blankets and comforter, landing with a thud and a stream of Japanglish invective that would have done Genji proud as he cracked his elbow, his shoulder, and his head more or less in sequence.

He lay there for a long moment afterwards, staring up at the dimly lit and now somewhat further away ceiling, lacking the energy or the ambition necessary to even consider moving. In the dark behind his eyes, he could still feel the sticky itch of blood drying on skin that wasn’t his own, the sick satisfaction of a belly full of something too awful to contemplate, and the echo, still ringing in his own bones, of finding the ground after a long fall. It occurred to him, as he lay there and the light coming through the seams in the shutters grew gradually brighter, that he hadn’t fallen off his side of the bed -- the kiva was on his side of the bed, and he was staring at the lowest part of the windows and the spot the ranger’s boots still occupied and chair that he couldn’t remember seeing before. He had rolled off the ranger’s side of the bed , and he hauled himself up with a groan and a few more enthusiastic Genjiisms to find that said bed was, in fact, empty of its other occupant, and most of the bedclothes were wrapped around him and the sheer intensity of the panic that galloped through him at that realization was the sort of thing that the better class of neo-country-western singers wrote lugubrious ballads about. He could practically hear the chorus as he extricated himself from the tangle of both the top and bottom sheets: my ranger’s gone, he’s run away, I can’t find him, night or day, I love him so, I want him back, something something probably involving a trusty pickup or possibly a dog named Blue.

The kitchen was empty: no dishes in the sink or in the dish drainer, no coffee in the coffee pot, the kettle cold. Even worse: nobody in the sitting room. The blankets Hana used the night before were neatly folded on the couch, pillows piled on top. No enormous green dog occupied the floor in front of the fireplace, nor did anyone’s terrifying smoke Dad keep residence in any of the chairs along with an unknown but deeply disturbing number of half-finished and potentially non-Euclidian knitting projects. The space in front of the house, previously containing a tragic welding accident in the vague shape of a WinneUFO, was likewise void, though tire tracks in the dusty road suggested the direction of its coming and going. His own phone and tablet still sat on the coffee table, charge cords reading green, and he snatched the cell up, rewarded with actual bars of connection. He drifted back into the kitchen as he thumbed it open and speed-dialed Genji’s number.

“ Hey , Hanzo.” The voice that answered was not his brother’s but Hana’s and his knees went stupidly weak enough with relief that he had to lean on the counter to stay upright. “Have a good night’s rest?”

“Where are you?” He demanded by way of answer. “Where’s everybody , Jesse wasn’t in bed when I woke up, what’s --”

“Easy, easy. Calm down. I left a note. Didn’t you see it?” She did not sound the slightest bit worried, or contrite, a fact he found rather significantly nettlesome.

“Hana. Never , in the entire history of time, has telling someone to calm down ever succeeded in calming them down.” Hanzo replied, tensely, scanning the counters, the prep island, the cupboards, and finally coming to rest on the refrigerator, where a magnetic note board hung in plain view bearing the words: Went up to the hacienda for waffles. Join us when you wake up. We’ll save at least two pieces of bacon. H. “I see it now. Is Jesse with you?”

“No.” An expressive noise just slightly too feminine to be a genuine snort. “And between you and me I really doubt that Ranger McThoughtful would leave you by yourself after all the crap we’ve been through in the last seventy-two hours. Have you checked outside?”

“Not yet.” He peered out the kitchen window and found the junipers dancing gently in the breeze with a little dust devil, but no ranger in immediate view. “I just woke up a few minutes ago, I had a weird --” dream not a dream that wasn’t a dream that was too real that was something that happened that happened to him “-- dream, I fell out of bed and that’s when I realized he was gone and --” Hana giggled. “What exactly is so funny?”

“You.” Hana replied, amusement evident. “Seriously, take a breath. Have you looked --”

“Hanzo?” The voice came from behind and to the right, the corridor that led to the bedroom -- and also the bathroom. Where he had not, in fact, even thought to look. Because he was an idiot.

Hanzo turned and there he stood.

There he stood, with a deeply concerned look on his face, a little worry-mark engraved between his perfect brows, his beard obviously freshly trimmed and combed.

There he stood, with a towel draped around his shoulders, catching the drops of water dripping off his still-damp brown ringlets, runnels of which were still rolling down his chest, spangling the curls there like tiny, exquisite diamonds, trailing over the ridged muscles of his belly.

There he stood, with a second towel wrapped around his trim waist, knotted in place on one hip, the full length of one muscular thigh thus exposed, tawny skin gleaming wetly in the indirect light coming through the kitchen windows.

There he stood and were those fuzzy jackalope slippers? They were. Fuzzy jackalope slippers. Somehow that brought the entire look together.

Hanzo took a deep breath, said, “ Never mind, I found him ” and hung up. Before the call disconnected, he heard Hana cackling shamelessly. He was going to have to have a word with that woman.

“Hanzo.” The ranger -- oh for fuck’s sake, you’ve slept in the same bed with him TWICE now, just call him by his NAME -- was looking at him now with open and serious alarm, as though he were afraid one wrong move would send him jumping out the kitchen window and he would have laughed it he weren’t fairly sure it would come out sounding half-crazed. “Are you okay, darlin’? You look a little --”

He crossed the room in three strides and, before he could let any of the million immediately occurring reasons not to do it avail themselves of control, threw his arms around him and clutched him tight, trying hard not to shake too obviously. For a second, the ranger stood absolutely stock startled still -- stiff, not knowing what to do with his hands, breath catching under his ear and heartbeat tripping noticeably higher -- and then the tension melted, arms closed around him in return, a hand coming to rest in the loose mess of hair at the back of his neck.

“Easy,” Jesse’s voice was a lower, rougher than usual. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” A callused hand stroked his neck, the shorter hair on the back of his head. “What was it, darlin’? Bad dream?”

No. “Something like that.” He took a deep breath, filled his lungs and head with the scent of sage-cedar-spice, stronger even than usual, his own hand resting spread on Jesse’s back. Jesse’s mostly-bare, still a little wet back, firm muscle and mostly smooth, warm skin and all of the blood immediately tried to evacuate his head, a whole-body shiver running from the roots of his hair to the tips of his toes.

“Must have been a real bad one.” His ranger murmured against his ear, the hitch still in his breath, warm against his skin, and Hanzo was intensely conscious of Jesse’s hand resting against the small of his back, still tangled in his hair. “You’re shakin’ all over. Maybe we should --”

“Jesse.” Hanzo’s gently questing hand came to rest on a not-smooth patch, smaller than he thought it would be, just under Jesse’s right shoulder blade. “I dreamt of you. ”

“...Me?” And suddenly all his warm soothing calm was gone, every inch of his body tensing, including his voice. “What -- what did you --”

“I dreamt that you were afraid.” Hanzo said and found he didn’t quite have the courage necessary to turn and watch his face as he spoke -- especially since doing so meant stepping back, letting him go, even a little. “I dreamt you were running, hunted and afraid and alone.” He stopped, his mouth suddenly, painfully dry. “Hurt.”

Jesse’s skin pebbled with gooseflesh under his hands and now it was his turn to shiver.

“It wasn’t a dream, was it?” Hanzo whispered against his ranger’s neck. “It was real.”

Silence. Jesse’s hands slid out of his hair and the small of his back, came to rest on his hips, lightly, as though he were afraid to hold on too tightly. When he finally spoke, his voice was a toneless rasp. “Yes. It was -- that was real.” A ragged breath. “You...saw. What happened.”

“Yes.” Hanzo closed his arms tight, clung to his shoulders as he tried to pull away. “Jesse. Stop. Please. It wasn’t your fault!”

He did, at least, stop trying to push him away, though he suspected it was more out of surprise than any real desire to do so. “Of course it was my fault. I was scared and hurt and I lost control and I --” His voice cracked, his grip tightened, almost painfully. “You saw what I did.”

“You defended yourself. In the alternate reality where I live, when someone shoots you in the back from ambush? It’s called attempted murder. ” Hanzo replied, fiercely, and now he did pull back, reached up and caught Jesse’s face in his hands -- his eyes were bright with unshed tears, the pain and grief and regret etched in every line. “You’re allowed to not let someone kill you, no matter how justified they might think they are. Gods and dragons, Jesse, you were a child -- a child who just lost his family -- you didn’t deserve that.”

“Neither did he.” Jesse took hold of his wrists and gently pulled his hands away, turned back toward the hallway, his shoulders hunched as though he were still expecting a blow.   

“Do you dream of that often?” Hanzo asked and Jesse froze in the door arch, his arms closing around himself.

“Not as often as I used to.” Roughly. “Let me get dressed and...we’ll talk.”

Hanzo stood unmoving in the middle of the kitchen, his heart thrumming like a struck harp string, peace as far from his breathing as it was physically possible to be, his thoughts chasing themselves in a series of concentric circles that started with he thinks he deserved it HOW CAN HE THINK HE DESERVED IT and ended with he was standing right in front of you in nothing but a towel YOU COULD HAVE WORKED WITH THAT YOU IDIOT. Finally, after a short eternity of internal gridlock, his quivering knees allowed him to move and his ropy leg muscles allowed him to walk and he leaned over the back of the world’s most comfortable couch, grabbed one of the pillows Hana had used the night before, and screamed into until he felt like he could face Jesse again without screaming considerably more. Then he went and fetched the tea canister labeled To Enhance Calm , measured a potful into the strainer, and put the kettle on to boil, because there was little else he could do at that point except text-freak at Genji and that way lay madness.

He was applying the not-quite-boiling water to the teapot when Jesse padded back out into the kitchen in his stocking feet, this time mostly dressed in NPS green-and-black,  hair combed back in a reasonable approximation of tamed, and all the blood that had nearly returned to the parts of his circulatory system that needed it most immediately abandoned duty again. Stupid sexy ranger. Stupid sexy ranger uniforms.

“Thank you, Hanzo.” His ranger replied with grave courtesy as Hanzo poured him a mug, filling the air with steam intensely perfumed in desperately attempting to invoke serenity .

“You’re welcome.” He poured his own tea and a few moments transpired silently in the passing and application of honey and lemon. “Hana and the others have gone to the hacienda for breakfast. We should probably join them before they come looking for us.”

“We will. There’s just some things we need to talk over first.” Jesse, he could not help but notice, did not even pretend to drink. “I heard what you said last night. When you came to lay down.”

Hanzo froze with his teacup halfway to his mouth and, very carefully, set it back down before the sudden, violent contortions of his heart communicated themselves through his limbs and gave them both a sugary, tannic shower. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” It came out rough and he looked away and then back, the worry-mark between his brows taking up residence again. “Let’s...not do this right here?”

“Living room?” Hanzo suggested. “Next to the fireplace? I mean, there’s no fire but --”

“That’s good.” The look that crossed his face could not be described as a smile by even the loosest definition of the term, but it wasn’t quite anything else, either, and his stomach decided that was all the encouragement it required to get into the sudden, violent contortions action.

They took their tea and Hanzo the lead, inhaling peace and exhaling stress all the way, the chair he’d sat in the night before still draped in blankets, and he wordlessly offered Jesse a cushion, which he accepted with a level of grave solemnity that nearly sent him into giggles again. Maniacal, probably pretty hysterical giggles. He bit his lip, sat down, took a sip of tea to steady his nerves. “So...what happened?”

“That’s not what I --” Jesse regarded him steadily for a moment, dark eyes unreadable. “You’re not gonna let this go, are you?”

“No.” Hanzo assured him calmly and took another sip of his tea, since that seemed to be imparting an amazing amount of courage to go along with the serenity. Perhaps it was the serenity of having no fucks left to give? He’d have to ask Ana.

“Okay, all right -- I guess that...wasn’t the sorta thing you can experience without deservin’ an explanation.” And now he finally took a gulp of his own tea. “It took a couple days to make it to the cabin -- Maritza didn’t know where it was, which was a saving grace, because the hunters she called up to help were mostly looking for me in the wrong places. I suspect she thought I’d go to town, try to find some way out from there, but I...didn’t really want to leave. I just wanted someplace to hide.” A wry smile curled his mouth and reached his dark eyes. “And once I got there, I didn’t leave for weeks and weeks. Lived off the MREs and liquid nutrient stuff Yanaba and I carted up there that spring. Didn’t light up the wood burner unless it was so cold I couldn’t feel my fingers inside.”

“That sounds like the sort of fun that isn’t.” Hanzo wound his fingers together, the better to resist the urge to scoot closer and grab his hands, restlessly rolling the half-empty mug between his palms.

“I’ve had better campin’ trips.” Jesse’s tone was dry and the smile faded off his face. “I messaged Jack and Gabe to let them know the ranch wasn’t safe t’go back to and that I was hunkered down at the cabin. They contacted me back and we developed a check-in regimen, once every two days, and they were going to extract themselves from the mess they were presently in and come get me as soon as they could.” A soft chuckle that contained not a trace of humor. “But I was restless. Bored. Outta clean underwear. I hiked into town for a shopping trip and that’s where Marcus saw me. Saw me and chased me.”

And shot you in the back and tried to kill you. Hanzo held onto that with all his might and now he did slide close, close enough to touch if necessary.

“I don’t remember a whole lot...after that.” He finished his tea in a single swallow and set the mug aside. “It was just after New Years when it happened. I woke up in the university hospital the best part of two years later.”

“Two...years?” Hanzo put his own cup down before the tremors in his hands sent it and the contents all over the floor. “How…?”

“Not sure. Probably won’t ever really be sure.” He looked away but couldn’t find anything he wanted to leave his gaze on and looked back. “Last thing I really remember is falling. Gabe and Jack came running when I stopped checking in and, per them, they found me chained up more dead than alive in the basement of some old artist colony out on the lip of Deadlock Gorge.”

Ice dripped the length of Hanzo’s spine and he couldn’t fight off the urge to shiver. “I...I think I remember seeing something about that. Somewhere.”

“Some nosy-ass reporter wrote a retrospective, got a lot of play awhile back. Massacre In Deadlock Gorge .” This time the wry smile barely qualified for either designation. “Not really much of a massacre in the traditional sense of the term, since there weren’t any bodies just empty buildings where the students and staff shoulda been and me, in a room so hard-warded that Gabe couldn’t get past the door and filled with so much cold iron that Jack couldn’t open the the manacles, much less the bars of the cage. Fortunately, somebody’d called 911 when whatever happened started goin’ down and the EMTs had no such trouble --”

“A cage.” Hanzo said, in what he hoped was a calm, neutral, even tone.

It apparently was not for Jesse froze in place, eyes wide and somewhat alarmed. “Uh. Yeah. I’m not sure --”

“ A cage. ” Hanzo reiterated as a pure, cold rage blossomed within him and that probably had something to do with the alarm spreading across Jesse’s face.

“Yeah -- a cage. Not sure I can blame them for that, either. They...well, somebody there seemed to know what they were dealing with --”

“ A fourteen year old. An injured fourteen year old. That is what they were dealing with, Jesse. ” It came out significantly louder than he intended, loud enough to echo off the walls and down the hall and ring in every corner.

“An injured, unconscious naayéé .” Jesse replied, actually calm and even, though his knuckles were white around the arms of the chair he sat in. “Whoever it was that found me, they knew -- knew how to bind me and keep me bound and how to keep others from stumbling over me by accident. Or at least that’s what Rein took from examining the ward structure, after the fact. They were --”

“ Protecting you? Protecting other people from you?” Hanzo asked, voice tight, as that pure, cold rage began sprouting runners and trying to find its way past his ribcage. “I might accept that as an at least comprehensible explanation for keeping you in a fucking cage. ”

“No.” Softly. “Nothin’ as reasonable as that. Best guess? They wanted me for my blood. For the power in it.”

Blood was starting to do dangerous, high-pressure things to the inside of Hanzo’s skull, as well, certain significant portions of his circulatory system, and his vision, which was washing red around the edges. He could not, thereafter, place the precise moment when he rose to his feet, his head and his heart both pounding with a fury so intense he could feel it filling his lungs with a heat brighter and fiercer than fire, could taste it on his tongue like lightning, his teeth aching in his jaw to lengthen into fangs, his fingers flexing as though claws slept inside them, both to rend whatever dared to do such things to his rescuer, his ranger, his mate , whose hands were closed around his shoulders, holding tight, and whose voice, low and dark and frantic, was trying to fill his ears.

“Hanzo. Hanzo. It’s okay -- it’s okay, it was a long time ago. Come back to me, darlin’.” A hand shifted from his shoulder to sink into his hair, to cradle the back of his skull, to make him meet the ranger’s dark eyes, catching and holding. “ Breathe. ”

That seemed a reasonable enough request, coming as it did from those lips, and so he obeyed it, breathed in deep, filled his lungs with his ranger’s scent, permitted it to soothe him, to ease the violence thrashing in his veins, to cool his fury. “I,” His voice sounded strange in his own ears, rough and dark, “think you are entirely too accepting of being kept in a cage .”

“Like I said,” The ranger’s hands reached up to cradle his face, “It was a long time ago. Not much to do but get over it.”

“If you insist.” Hanzo took a second, deeper breath, Jesse’s scent filling his head like a living thing, sage and cedar and spice, warm skin and blood pulsing just beneath it. “I will be angry enough for both of us.”

“Okay.” His ranger took an unsteady breath of his own. “Can we talk about that other thing now?”

“ Certainly. ” Hanzo replied and his hands found their solid, meant-to-rest-there places on Jesse’s hips again.

“Okay.” Jesse said, again, and breathed a little more, dark eyes darting around as though they wanted to rest anywhere but his face and kept being dragged back, very much against their will. The warm, callused hands drifted down his neck to rest on his shoulders and, surrendering to the inevitable, he allowed their gazes to come back into contact. “I’m...not sure where to start.”

“Do you want me to…?” Hanzo half-asked, his mouth trying hard to go dry.

“No. No, I --” The corners of his ranger’s mouth were fighting a mighty struggle with some complicated tangle of emotions, battered up and down by repeated internal blows. “I should be sayin’ a lot of different things to put you off right now. I shouldn’t be encouraging this at all. The bond between us -- it’s messin’ with your head, with your emotions, compromisin’ your judgment and mine and --”

“Of course it is,” Hanzo breathed, comfortingly. “How could it not? Our souls are tied together.”

“Yes. Right. You understand. I’m glad --” Jesse sounded almost relieved.

“Yes, I do understand. I understand how lonely you are -- how lonely you’ve been for years -- how much you need someone in your life who can see you for everything you are and not turn away.” Hanzo replied and leaned closer. “Am I wrong?”

Jesse was silent for a long moment, the look in his eyes wild with barely repressed emotion, holding the corners of his mouth flat and steady with desperate effort. “No...no, you’re not. And you’ve been lonely, too, but darlin’ you’re -- you’ve got a thousand years of history behind you and I’m nobody from nowhere. This is all I’ve got to offer you and this job, the work I do, ain’t ever going to anything but freaky and dangerous and you deserve better than this.” Softly. “You’ve already given so much, darlin’. I just want you to be safe and happy.”

“I would give all of those years for this and you.” Hanzo erased the last of the physical distance between them, Jesse’s hands sliding down to rest on his back, fingers spread wide. “And you are not ‘nobody.’ You’re an actual fucking hero , Jesse McCree, and you should at least try to remember it.”

“We’ve only known each other for nine days.” Jesse leaned in, pressed their foreheads together, closed his eyes.

“During which you’ve saved my soul and my life a minimum of three times. That’s like an average of once every two and a half days. In some places, that implies a strong personal interest verging on commitment.” Hanzo whispered. “Look at me.”

Jesse sighed against his lips and opened his eyes. “I think I’m fallin’ in love with you, too.”

“Good. Because I’d hate to be alone in that.” His heart and his stomach, in rare accord, both fluttered simultaneously and then settled down because nothing good could come of nervous horking in the aftermath of such a confession. “Kiss me?”

“ Gods , yes.”

It was not a chaste kiss. Nor was it only one. Jesse, for someone who lived alone in a cabin on the left asscheek of nowhere and whom had had, by his own admission, no serious relationships of a romantic nature possessed surprisingly well-developed out-making skills. Skills that caused all of the blood in Hanzo’s head and at least sixty percent of the rest of his body to rush urgently southward, so hard it made him a little lightheaded. Or that might have been oxygen deprivation combined with the taste of Jesse’s mouth. Or possibly the sensation of Jesse’s knee sliding between his thighs as they backed toward the world’s most comfortable couch. It most definitely had something to do with Jesse’s hands sliding under his tee-shirt and stroking hungrily over his belly, his sides, his back. Horizontality on some preferably soft surface was rapidly becoming necessary, before his ability to think coherent thoughts disappeared entirely into a lust-colored haze and extensive moaning of endearments in at least three languages.

At the very instant his back hit the world’s most comfortable couch cushions and Jesse’s warm, cedar-spice-sage scented weight settled atop him, between his thighs, the incoming message tone sounded on his tablet and he found himself, contrary to sanity, contrary to the numerous urgent demands of his body for more of this right now all the more of this , he lifted his head and gasped out, “Wait.”

“Wait?” Jesse asked, looking up from the task of applying an unmistakable for anything but it was love bite to his clavicle.

“ Wait. ” Hanzo pleaded. “Just one second. This might be the information I was waiting for from home. If it is, we can celebrate.”

“Okay. Okay. I can wait. This is important.” Jesse agreed and sat up enough to allow Hanzo to wriggle an arm free and swipe his tablet off the coffee table and thumb the screen open.

It took him a moment to fully process what he was looking at once he did finally get his email open, distracted by Jesse pressing a series of warm, faintly wet kisses around his belly button. Then he began to laugh, and laugh, and laugh until Jesse, alarmed by the edges his laughter was growing, sat up and took him in his arms and asked, softly and urgently, “What is it, darlin’? What’s wrong?”

“Well,” Hanzo said, from around the painful, spiky obstruction in his throat, “I believe I can say with some certainty that I am no longer burdened by a thousand years of family history.”

*

Genji noticed it the instant they walked onto the hacienda’s veranda, because of course he did. Genji, semi-notorious for the extent and breadth of his conquests among the entire younger generation of the Shimada Clan, had a genuinely diabolical sixth sense when it came to anything involving aggressive cuddling, boffing, boinking, shagging, outright fornicating, or even the mildest of carnal knowledge as it applied to his person. It was awful, it had always been awful, he could not imagine it ever becoming less awful, especially when his little brother’s eyes zeroed in on the fingernail-sized sliver of suction-purpled skin poking just slightly above the collar of his shirt and rested there, searing through his chest and out his back to spear Jesse, coming through the doorway behind him. Jesse politely ignored the dragony death staring at him and smiled a general greeting.

“Well,” His terrible, awful little brother drawled, eyes glittering green-gold-dangerous, “look who finally crawled out of bed.”

Hana, seated across from him at the trestle table still littered with evidence of breakfast just past, looked at him over the top of her tablet. “We did not save you any bacon because you two are slacking slackers who have slacked until it’s almost noon.”

“Don’t listen to her,” Zen’s voice floated out the kitchen window. “We just made more. Fresh coffee and tea will also be available momentarily.”

“Thank you kindly, Doc.” Jesse pulled out his chair for him and, in the instant, the air turned electric with the unspoken communications flying back and forth between his glorious asshole brother and his wholly committed enabler almost-sister.

Hanzo, for his part, dug his own tablet out of his bag and asked, desperately reaching for casual, “Genji, have you logged into the family network recently?”

Genji tore himself away from the increasingly serious sequence of glares, stares, and meaningful eyebrow twitches he was exchanging with Hana and blinked quizzically at him for a moment. “Like...maybe two weeks ago? I turned in a tech assessment for hardware R&D. Why?”

“Could you try right now?”

Zenyatta materialized at his elbow and slid a mug of perfectly brewed kukicha and a plate of perfectly rolled tamagoyaki, sliced melon, and enough fresh, hot bacon to satisfy his deepest carnivorous urges, had such urges not been bound up in the mass of knots currently occupying his entire digestive tract.. He smiled his thanks and Zen paused, rested a gentle hand on his shoulder in passing as he took up his own seat. Lucio joined them a moment later, depositing a similarly laden plate in front of Jesse and a fresh carafe of coffee for the table in general. Both of them observed the silent communion going on between Genji and Hana and began adding their own unspoken quips and questions and Hanzo officially had no idea what any of them were saying but he was fairly sure it had something to do with the acquisition of more condoms. He managed, just barely, to swallow the urge to indulge in another bout of hysterical laughter. Under the table, Jesse’s hand found his own.

“...Okay.” Genji shot him a sidelong look made of equal parts suspicion and concern and retrieved his tablet. “Yeah, I’m in. Why?”

Hanzo took a moment to briefly mourn the delicious breakfast he would not be able to consume and slid his own tablet across the table. Genji’s quizzical look grew, briefly, even more quizzical and then he read the substance of the email sitting open on the screen: Pursuant to the request of the Shimada-gumi clan council, your access credentials to the secure network have been suspended indefinitely and your queries cancelled. --Toshokan-in, Network Administrator.

“ Motherfucker. ” Genji breathed and reached for his phone.

“Hey, language! There’s a lady present!” Hana sat up, snatched the tablet out of Genji’s hand before anyone could think to stop her. “ Son of a bitch. ”

“Genji, please.” Hanzo reached out and caught his brother’s hand. “It’s three o’clock in the morning in --”

“Did Mom call  you about this?” Genji asked tightly. “Did Dad? Did anybody think you deserved even the slightest head’s up or did they just let this drop without comment?”

The knots already occupying the majority of Hanzo’s thoracic cavity abruptly doubled in size and relative density. “No. But --”

“ There is no fucking but. For the love of the dragons, Hanzo!” Genji let him wrestle his hand back down to the table. “You can’t let them do this to you.”

“What’s this ?” Hot Vampire Jack asked as he stepped out onto the veranda, Chad and Binky at his heels.

“An excellent question.” Terrifying Smoke Gabe added and Hanzo had to physically resist the urge to jump shrieking across the table because he did so from the previously unoccupied rocking chair two arms-lengths from his back.

“The clan council locked Hanzo out of our family’s private network.” Genji replied, before Hanzo could work his heart back out of his throat. “Historically speaking, this is the first step taken in the unpleasant road that leads to formal disinheritance.”

“That is not --” Hanzo began.

“Cousins Hideki, Masuhiro, and Chiyo, Aunts Shizu and Atsuko, and Great-Uncle Eichiro.” Genji ran him over ruthlessly. “First. Fucking. Step. Hanzo. And they didn’t even warn you.” He paused, eyes glittering wildly, visibly fought for control. “I’ve given up on Mom but I sort of thought better of our father.”

“Is that true, kid?” Hot Vampire Jack asked, settling in his own rocking chair, unfocused gaze coming to rest with unnerving accuracy on his face.

“Broadly, yes.” Hanzo managed to force the words past the knots rapidly proliferating into his throat. “I was honestly rather surprised to discover I hadn’t already been locked out. It may have been an oversight that I drew attention to with my query. I suppose we’ll find out for certain at the beginning of next month.”

“Genji,” Lucio asked quietly, pulling over his own messenger bag, “can I see your tablet for a minute?”

“Certainly.” It slid across the table. “Or we could call Mom right now and demand a fucking explanation. Or later if you’re going to insist on being considerate.”

“What happens at the beginning of next month?” Terrifying Smoke Gabe asked, needles clicking.

“The deposit of my monthly stipend.” Hanzo replied, dryly. “My trust is overseen by a conservator appointed by the clan. If the wheels are actually turning on my disinheritance -- and they might be, I’ve suspected for awhile that they may be waiting for me to graduate to pull the trigger -- something may happen then.”

The clicking of needles stopped at his back. “You have the worst fucking family on Earth, I hope you realize that.”

“Which is why I feel strongly that waking our parents up at three in the morning is really not that terrible of a thing in the cosmic scheme of things.” Genji added, wagging his phone suggestively.

Hanzo took a deep, cleansing breath, resisted the urge to scream or cry and replied, tightly, “Genji, I cannot fucking deal with our terrible fucking family right now, okay? I just can’t. I can’t even look at them much less talk to them. I’ll get a fucking job to help make rent. I’ll --”

“Well, actually -- that’s something Jack and I wanted to talk to you lot about.” The needles were clicking again. “Your condo’s not safe to go back to and won’t be for awhile yet. We’ve got plenty of space here. Consequently, we suggest you move in with us at least until this situation is sorted.”

“You’ll definitely be safer here.” Jack added serenely in the face of Hanzo’s silence, which was not so much shocked as made up of an inexpressible welter of emotions exerting a crushing grip on Jesse’s hand.

“Easy there, darlin’, I’m going to need that for work.” Jesse murmured, not quite for his ears only.

Hanzo relaxed his grip a fraction and peace-stress breathed until the insides of his skull stopped vibrating, his heart stopped bouncing merrily on the knots in his stomach, and the knots at least provisionally unknotted themselves and settled into a state of mild dyspepsia. “I know what I would say but --”

“Just so you know,” Hana added, “the rest of us have already said ‘yes.’ Because we showed up on time for breakfast. Which you should eat before it gets cold.”

“Yes, Hana.” He replied and obediently forked up a mouthful of tamagoyaki, which was exactly as good as he expected it to be. “We’re unanimous then.”

“Yes, we are.” Genji admitted, ungrudgingly, and put his phone away. “Are you okay, aniki ?”

“No.” Hanzo replied honestly. “But I will be. Eventually.”

“Hopefully sooner rather than later.” Lucio said from behind the obstruction of his holo-rig. “Mr. Morrison --”

“You can call me Jack, kid. Same goes for the rest of you.” Hot Vampire Jack interjected and Hanzo was really going to have to stop thinking of him that way before it inevitably fell out of his mouth.

“...No. No I totally cannot.” Lucio replied. “D’you have like, fourteen terabytes of open space anywhere in your household system that I could borrow?”

At Hanzo’s back, the needles stopped clicking and Hot Vampire Jack’s eyes narrowed, a small, sharp grin formed on his lips, and he extracted a tablet from the saddlebag hanging on arm of his chair. “Why, yes. Yes, we do. Check your notifications.”

“Thank you kindly , Mr. Morrison.” Lucio sang and went back to work.

“So,” The needles began working again, as well. “Now that that’s decided, what’s the next thing we need to deal with?”

“We’re going to have to find some other way to research the Shimada warrior.” Hanzo said from around an unpardonably large mouthful of bacon as his stomach, now realizing its unknotted state, demanded to be filled immediately.

“Who, I think it’s safe to presume, is probably no longer among the living?” Terrifying Smoke Gabe asked, mildly.

Hanzo swallowed his mouthful in three stages and replied, “The type of arrowheads I saw were in common use from the late fifteen hundreds to the late eighteen hundreds so unless she found the fountain of youth somewhere…”

“Safe bet, then.” Serenely. “Well. Talking to dead people is but one of the services we offer at this fine establishment, if push comes to shove. But I think that might not be necessary.”

“No. No it will not. Thanks for the tablet, G.” Lucio shut his rig down and handed the tablet back across the table. “I downloaded the contents of the Shimada-gumi genealogical database and historical information archives to local storage. You’re welcome. ”

Silence broken only by the sound of Binky stealing the bacon out of Hanzo’s stunned fingers and chewing it contemplatively reigned for several moments thereafter.

“How --” Hanzo began, stopped, considered, continued on, “The internal defenses of the archive shouldn’t have allowed you to --”

“You are not the only person sitting at this table with hidden depths.” Lucio replied, grinning wryly. “Suffice it to say, in my misspent youth --”

“You are twenty-three years old.”

“ In my misspent youth , I cultivated certain antisocial skills that I employed to embarrass local politicians back home that continue to provide dividends even now.” Lucio leveled a look at him. “Seriously, man. Screw your family. You and Genji both deserve better. We’ll find out what went down back when and we’ll make what’s going on now right. And if we get to punch a dragon in the face as part of the process? So much the better.”

[bigsnzstanacct]

“Hey there—“ Jim was the first to turn. Just looking at that big pink bouquet, bursting at the seams with pollinating flowers, made my nose itch. The scent alone… how he wasn’t blasting off already I couldn’t imagine…

“Oh, you’re here!” Taylor spoke next, the whole group turning around to face me, smiles on every face. Oh, clearly we were here to have some *fun*.

The guys all knew about my… peculiarity. So I knew when they said they had a surprise for me… and I found out where I was to meet them for the surprise, well… it was definitely going to be a good time. Not for the greenhouse, knowing Jim—let alone Nate, the skinniest of the bunch but with lungs to beat them all, or a small tornado for that matter—but definitely a good time for me.

“So uhh…” I stammered, looking at the guys and all the greenery around them. “Uh… how are you guys not sneezing your heads off? I mean we all have pretty bad allerg—“

“Filters.” Marcus said, already sliding out of his overalls. “These little filters, you put em in your nose. Air gets through but pollen doesn’t. We were waiting for you to—“

“HHHEEEEEIIIIIIIIISSSSCCCHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Marcus was cut off by a deafening roar of a sneeze that made my heart race even as it made my knees weak.

“Looks like somebody was impatient.” Jim joked, nodding at Mike, his long hair a mop in front of his face as he doubled over with the sneeze, not even able to straighten back up before he succumbed again…

“AAEEEEEEEEEESSSCCCCCHHHHHHHHH!!!”

“Oh shit, my turn next!” Taylor said. “Hold onto your hats guys cause I’ve been feeling a little itchy even with the filters so…”

Soon it was a symphony, an orchestra of sneezes. Great big roars and tight, snapped fits, ground and growled out as though the allergy was too intense to stop sneezing long enough for a proper enormous breath to fuel the mighty sneeze that was really needed. Loud vocal hollers of sneezes, a sneeze so big it shattered windows and blew flowers right out of Mike’s hands, scattering the pollen all around the greenhouse. I was so lost in the haze of all these beautiful men, beautiful noses, beautiful sneezes that I almost missed it when Nate said.

“Alright, you guys have had your fun. My turn.” And with that he took out his filters and his first breath turned into a long, smooth, endless inhale to fuel a sneeze that was about to put the rest of the guys to shame…

“Oh sh-shihhhhh… HHIIISSHH!! ISSHHHHOO!! Sh-shit guys… we gotta geehhhhh…”

“HAAAEEEEESSSSHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Get moving! He’s gonna bring the whole thing d-dowwwwwwaaaaAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRSCCCCHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

And still, Nate’s breath went in, in, *in*… his chest swelling, the power growing and I was transfixed, unable to look away even as the guys scrambled… finally somebody pulled me out of the line of fire just as the first true eruption blasted from Nate—

“WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Even the force that clipped me on the side would have been enough to knock me down, if Taylor, still sneezing, hadn’t helped me stay upright. And so the symphony of sneezes continued, interrupted by the occasional cannon-fire from Nate. And as the sneezes continued to ring, the shorts started to come off…

Oh yes, this was a hell of a surprise indeed.

[until-another-one-comes]

Randy: How the hell do you spell 'show-fer'?

Marcus: Chauffeur

Randy: Ooh Fancypants Rich McGee over here. Fuck you

[tankmanaj]

WHATS YOUR OPINION ON THAT ONE ARC FROM SAY GOODBYE TO DORK CITY????

i cackled when marcus decided to choose violence as if thats the only thing he thinks about when people leave his posse or not like him in general

he is controlling to his posse as well, proven by one of his members saying they cant eat until marcus says they can (from what i remember)

also i wonder if he actually broke someones face before, like beaten the shit out of some kid outside of school to the fact they end up being severely injured

well in the comics, he just gave nate a black eye but i like to imagine him being a sharp and strong fellow who often gets into fights, and winning in most of them because hes done research of how the human body works so he could easily weaken/injure his opponent.

the reason why he only gave nate a black eye and nothing else was because he thought it was enough to give him a headache and a blurry vision on the eye he punched on, enough to possibly satisfy marcus.

i liked marcus' personality

hes the perfect example of an antagonist and a bully

i wonder if he got in trouble for hurting other kids, if he didnt, they must be so afraid of him, i don't blame them.. hes pretty scary

[fritextramole]

Heathers

a gossip girl musical episode

early s2 Jenny’s back at Constance and the minions haven’t forgiven or forgotten. Nate’s trying to keep his recent financial status (poor) from his friends. Marcus and the Duchess are gone, and Chuck sees this as an invitation to seduce Blair. Dan and Serena are still reeling from their breakup that was last week but also 3 months ago.

tracklist under the cut

Beautiful

welcome to my school, this ain't no high school this is the thunderdome

Characters: Nate and Jenny (+ students)

The first day of a new year. They haven’t talked about it but Nate and Jenny are both dreading going back.

Candy Store

you can live the dream or you can die alone

Characters: Blair, minions

Being back at Constance means Blair has to deal with Chuck and Jenny, and she’s not happy.

I Say No

don't say a word you speak and i cave in you'll twist the truth again and drill deep down beneath my skin

Character: Nate

Nate finds out Chuck’s giving his mom money, and hates him for it.

Seventeen

can't we be seventeen? that's all i want to do

Characters: Dan, Serena

Dan and Serena reminisce about what they want from their relationship, and what could have been

Big Fun

showing up here took some guts time to rip 'em out

Characters: students

a back to school party brings the characters together, but puts Jenny in the path of the minions.

Our Love Is God

we can start and finish wars we're what killed the dinosaurs we're the asteroid that's overdue

Characters: Chuck, Blair

After Chuck and Nate get in a fight about Nate’s financial status, Chuck leverages that into sympathy for himself from Blair

Never Shut Up Again / Shine a Light (Reprise)

better mind what you do big sister’s watching you

Characters: Penelope + minions

Blair’s too busy with Chuck to deal with Jenny, so Penelope takes the initiative to bully this 15 year old

Lifeboat

if i say the wrong thing or i wear the outfit they’ll throw me right over the side

Character: Jenny

Her spirits are down after a run in with the minions at the party

Shine a Light

shine shine shine and your scars and your flaws will look lovely because you shine!

Character: Rufus

Rufus wants to raise his children’s spirits and motivate them to stay at Constance St. Judes. (it’s not going well.)

Seventeen (Reprise)

we can be seventeen we can learn how to chill if no one loves me now someday somebody will

Characters: students

Our main characters resolve to try to get along (until the next episode)

[gnar-slabdash]

Leverage Mark Showdown -- First Heat Contestants

Where the nominator left comments (or fun extra descriptors), I’m including their comments, cause those are way better than what I’d come up with. Where they didn’t leave comments, you’ll have to settle for mine :P

Mark Doyle The Bottle Job I genuinely liked him as a character, he was sleazy but so fun. The accent was fun, he was an easy mark, and he screamed like a girl. One of my fave episodes cause of him.

David Lampard aka “Truffle Jackass” The French Connection Job who the hell meets “gnar slabdash the n is mostly silent” and just TAKES THAT at face value

“His Honor Mayor Brad Culpepper III” The Three Strikes Job and to a lesser extent The Maltese Falcon Job TONAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Ian Blackpoole The First and Second David Jobs The man has balls, okay? I’ve said it before -- a disgruntled, disheveled ex-employee pulls a gun on him, and his response is to calmly ask if he’s going to kill him, then invite him to his party, offer him shrimp, and call his ex wife over to see him. Ice cold.

Mark Vector The Morning After Job he's a bitch and a sleaze and it was so satisfying seeing him go down

Greg Sherman aka “The Blowfish” The Boiler Room Job my ultimate love-to-hate. I always spend the episode going WHY DO I HATE THIS GUY SO MUCH before remembering oh yeah it’s cause he’s the bad guy, I’m supposed to hate him. BUT I HATE HIM SO MUCH!

Victor Dubenich The Nigerian Job, The Radio Job, The Last Dam Job man you guys had a lot to say about this one! here goes: - he's awful but he's also how they came together - i like the actor that plays him - THE OG. mr inciting incident. my most underrated man saul rubinek. the absolute balls on this guy. might even still be out there you never know - Not only the first and the one who accidentally helped bind together a world-class team and eventually sent them after himself - twice;  but also the first echo/cast-caĺlback to the Nero Wolfe series. - He consistently thinks he's better than the crew, but Nate keeps outsmarting him anyway. Plus, the fact that he and Latimer forced Nate into calling back some old favorites, there's a number of reasons to love The Last Dam Job. I will never get over the hacking with a clam thing - Because he came back with a revenge plan and because he started this whole thing when he screwed the team over - this guy kinda kickstarted the whole thing by being greedy and selfish enough to try and double-cross not just a group of thieves, but a man who was ROYALLY screwed by the system literal months prior by using his dead kid against him. He's arrogant, but just smart enough to be a threat as of The Last Dam Job, and even then his insistence that he "knows" the team better than Nate after all these years is one of the things that leads to his downfall. Seriously, fuck that guy.

Judge Roy The Bank Shot Job He commits to the bit, okay? I WILL turn this entire episode into a western and I WILL be the black-had domineering bad guy and I WILL refuse to have any semblence of self-awareness about it at any time!

Gabe Erickson The Real Fake Car Job Matthew Lillard is great, and I absolutely loved "Nobody's plotting to kill you, you idiot!"

Starke’s Crew ( Marcus Starke, Chaos, Mikel Dayan, Apollo)  The Two Live Crew Job They were so fun and I absolutely adored their interactions with our leverage crew.  Scott Roemer The (Very) Big Bird Job The Carey Elwes? The Howard Hughes cosplay? The fact that he thinks he stole and destroyed the entire Spruce Goose?

Jack Hurley The 12-Step Job - It was nice to see a mark that’s not a POS and have the team ‘help’ once they realised that - He was a genuinely great guy who's just a fuck up. I get it.  - He is just too excitable and honest and keeps getting into shit way over his head but is too sweet to really hate - I really enjoyed having a Mark who "redeemed" themselves to. Plus, hes a goofy character, and seeing him a second time when I didn't expect it made me double take and laugh on my first watch.

Monica Hunter The Three Days of the Hunter Job - she's horrible and interesting and you get the most satisfaction from seeing her go down. also the bit where she's being interrogated by the army and she's like "it's okay I know that there *totally aren't* any secret bases ;-)" and the guy is so tired and like "yes that's bc there aren't any secret bases" and she's like "I know you have to say that ;-)" and he's right - rip girl you would have loved qanon - I love conspiracy theorists who don't even really believe in the awful stuff they make up (+ it's a terrible human being with the face of aunt zelda)

William Quinn & Tobey Earnshaw The Juror #6 Job He was a fakeass hippie played by Brent Spiner. She was trying so damn hard to be a chessmaster it was embrrasing. Can I make it any more obvious?

Eddie Maranjian The Order 23 Job Man there’s a few marks I can’t help but feel viscerally bad for cause of how the crew preys on their fears and neuroses that they can’t help. So a little sympathy, and also like, affinity crimes are nasty fucking things but in terms of story it’s a nice change of pace from the usual white guys playing chess from their lofty towers

Caroline Cowan The Low Low Price Job Oh another one that I kinda almost feel bad for for how much they freaked her out. This is a good matchup!

[martin-matchup]

Hello everyone! Please take a look at the finished bracket!

[Image ID: The first image is the first half of the bracket. The bracket itself is on a dark grey bg, drawn in white lines. There are 24 contestants on this side, 48 all together. In the middle is drawn a winners pedestal with the first three places. On the highest step, for the first place there is a golden trophy that says "best martin" on it in blue letters. There is confetti around the trophy.

The second image is the second half. It it styled the same, with 24 contestants on this side as well. End ID.]

The polls will each last a week and will be posted with a one day difference for each half (as in, the first twelve polls will go up, and then a day after, the next 12 and so on) until the final. I am currently organising the polls so if you have any feedback/suggestions/character images you'd like me to use, feel free to send an ask!

Contestants are listed under the cut.

First half:

Martin Blackwood (The Magnus Archives)

Martin Prince (The Simpsons)

Martin the gecko (GEICO)

Martini (alcohol, Real life)

Martini glass (glass, Real life)

Martin "Marty" Deeks (NCIS : Los Angeles)

Martyn Inthelittlewood (3rd life minecraft smp/life series, Datastream)

Marty McFly (Back to the Future)

Martin of Redwall/Martin the Warrior (The Redwall book series)

Martin Brenner (Stranger Things)

Martin Scorsese (Real life)

Martin Stein (DC's Legends of Tomorrow)

Martin Brody (Jaws)

Martin the butler (The Parent Trap)

Martin Fitzgerald (Without a Trace)

Martin Mystery (Martin Mystery)

Martin van Buren (The US, Real life)

Mars (Roman mythology)

Martin (The Mechanisms, Hereward the Wake, Tales to be Told Vol. 2)

Marty the zebra (Madagascar)

Martin Septim (The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion)

Martin Moone (Moone Boy)

M. (Lethal Weapon)

Marty (Papa Louie)

Second half:

Martina (The Four of Them)

Martin (Wii Sports)

Martin Mertens (Adventure Time)

Martin Wright (Big Nate)

Martin O’Hara (My Favourite Martian)

Martin Crane (Frasier)

Marty (Image Fashion Designer)

Martin Blyndeff (Epithet Erased)

Martin Martinaise (aka the smoker on the balcony, Disco Elysium)

Marty Farms (aka Marcus Barnes, The Electric Company)

Purple Martin (bird, Real life)

Martin Benson (Bee Movie)

Martin Whitly (Prodigal Son)

Martin Franklin (Fear Street)

Martin Murphy (Milo Murphy's law)

Pine Marten (animal, Real life)

Martin (Mysteries of providence)

Martin Chatwin (The Magicians (Also Fillory and Further, a series within the series))

Martin Penderwick (The Penderwicks)

Martin Banks (Magic 2.0 book series)

Martin Morning (Martin Morning)

Martin Ellingham (Doc Martin)

Martin Kratt (Wild Kratts)

Martín Cobblepot (Gotham)

[midnightpsychos]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @predatorymaniac wanted a starter off of Nate’s ex-manger: Marcus

|| Marcus was walking the streets of New York after a late night out with friends to celebrate his new big single with his recent artist he had just been signed to. Having gotten rid of Nate once things started to decrease was feeling like this hype was deserved, obviously Marcus had Nate thrown in jail for all the drugs he did and how he ran away from his past of his own guilt and what he done with Cassie and their son. 

|| It was all too brilliantly predictable, the plan worked ten times better then the team thought it would but some of them felt bad when they saw Nate getting took away by the cops but to Marcus - it was the end to the chaos both of them caught and hey somehow, he had still remained on everyone’s good side instead of the bad side. 

|| Just as Marcus was walking over the street - he saw a familiar trace just on a bench, looking as if they were asleep. Holy shit, it was Nate and Marcus was just looking at him which looked creepy to other people due to some of them knowing the backstory of both of the lads, did Marcus ever have any sort of guilt for Nate? No - well a little - sort of but he chose to ignore it.

|| “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the infamous Nate Jacobs. How’d life been treating ya kid?” Marcus smiled his famous cocky smile as he wanted to start the conversation - even if it did land Marcus in trouble - he really wouldn’t care about the consequences that came with his actions.

[wasfemina]

18+

So she sat on the balcony, smoking the last cigarette in the batch. Her red hair had flown like a flame in the summer air. You could see the church they went to once a week from this balcony. Everything has just been so peaceful with him.

"Baby, here's your martini", he said. He sent her flowers last week because she wasn't able to have sex. She just didn't feel good. Life just didn't feel good. Why did Marcus say that everything Nate wanted was just sex? It sure wasn't so, if he didn't want her soul, he wouldn't bring her tulips from Holland.

She said that she's able to control herself, but is that so? If she were able to do that, she wouldn't be sitting in his armchair, on his balcony.

She stood up, put the martini on the table and just smiled. She just couldn't bear the fact that he kissed other women. He's so young, he doesn't deserve his heart to be heartbroken.

However, all she wanted to do at this point was just hit him. She laughed so hard every neighbour could hear her. She threw the empty martini glass at him and started to scream at him. There's no way someone could have broken a woman like her. This boy wasn't going to ruin her, she knew what she deserved.

She was wrong again. Everything she was able to feel after that martini was just his kisses on her left breast and his big hands handling them perfectly. She was full of blood. Her thighs were covered in multiple scars. The bath water was as nearly red as all of the Napoleonic wars. All he did in his life was hurt her. She knew that.

Whilst her mascara and eyeliner turned into a black mess, she looked at his arms. So toned, so soft every time she hugged him. It felt like home. She was practically homeless at this point. The fact is, he was never hers. On the other point, every time she hurt another man, she thought of him. She stayed loyal to him and only him.

She lay on his bed and everything she could hear were his bittersweet words when he said "I'm not hurting you, baby. You're the one who's hurting yourself." He exposed her bare body to himself. He was stunned by her body. "You're so beautiful, darling". He kissed her fresh scars, the blood had been washed off fully at this point. "You're doing so good, good girl". She melted at those words.

She hit her head on his soft headboard. He grabbed her hair and pulled her again. "You're doing amazing, baby, taking me from behind. So good." The room was filled with moans, tension and love. She had begun crying, this was too much for her. He already made her come three times, the fourth one would be just too much. He didn't listen to her pleading him to stop. "You've got this baby, just a little bit more".

He rolled her on her back, into her favourite position. She knew she wouldn't be able to control herself now. He's the only man in her life right now, she's his fully and truly. He kissed her and all he could hear were the muffled moans whilst he was pounding her sweet place.

She laid against him. Delirious, tired, completely absorbed.

"I never meant to hurt you. I hope you know that, love."