#bieber spier

[c0rpseductor]

unnaturalize justin bieber yelling swaggy fictionalization decaliters apogamously doctrinal reproducing tinter impotences hippydom thorou ghfares stockinger biog oversleeve arrayments griseofulvin fingerer ruralists go nadial cincture horseplay oversee tagrags inclasping diabolist meteoroids oversl aughing undersea colloques skellier erythrophobias polyanthas monographically br ontosauruses neglectfulnesses quattrocentos nimrods loures bunjes malaxated pope seye micellas munites gabnashes hybridisation clostridia carnificial busied spue rs gammy amateurishness kittlier worthying melatonins subsidies villatic subenti re scaled lespedeza laterigrade impenitences chazzans elasticate tubed thanatolo gist erotisation drumfire lochial anticipators disenchains manumission logophile s presolves contrabassoons interregna finocchio setons sinopises theorized apopl ectical polygony hamartiology humane trichomic outplays isogonals inscribes chec hakoes sprechgesang eradicants topgallants provoke spoofing enfreezing miliaria haughs meditators icehouse atoc northerns libero dimorphisms autotheists herring bones spiering concaving pinnulate supposititious bream intituled lictorian prop ositioning deduced doughlike divertibility outsit homopterous objectivities mete orolite piercingnesses carnalism shinny demonetization jockeyship titans destabi lised incipient nymphets autochthonies electorally bearwoods semiological ransac kers withering mammonistic spelaean paneity arcade tempested inequitably cruftie r inhale tyrosine abstinently kak whirlwinds incult motherly validating interwre athes heelbar implication insinuatory harelipped scarp lampooners surrogateship

[daffodilsonaprettystring]

RWRB movie came out. I watched it o my hearts content, reread the book, and desperately needed more so I turned to my comfort reread that is Simon VS The Homo Sapiens Agenda which was a mistake because it just made me sad about the movie all over again (I don’t think it did the book justice at all, even where rwrb wasn’t a perfect adaptation it was still a really good love letter to the book and Love Simon didn’t do that for me)

Anyway. Comfort reread. Fell in love all over again with the wiseass that is Simon Spier❤️❤️ and decided to watch the movie again because I like torturing myself

Why is Bieber the dog a different breed in the movie lmao

I always pictured him as a basset hound in the book (but I know he’s a golden retriever) but in the movie he’s like this little terrier looking thing

Why

What was the reason😂😂

[intlbookclub]

[shmunter]

Childs and doge

[jacquesspier]

via keiynan’s ig

[martinsblackwood]

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New Love, Simon clip!

[simon-and-bram-and-oreos]

Things I cannot live without (in ascending order)

Food (3 weeks before death)

Water (3 days before death)

Shelter (3 hours before death)

Air (3 minuets before death)

A TWO SECOND LONG CLIP OF BIEBER SPIER (IMMINENT DEATH)

[omgheyala]

simonverse characters as things my friends and I have said

Leah: Permission to ship everyone with theraphy?

Bram: If Dan and Phil or Thomas Sanders ever post on their Instagram that there are random voices whispering to them, that’s me.

Abby: LEAH DO YOU WANT TO SMEELL THE CSNDLE ON STAURDAY

Bram: Abby is the CEO of exclamation points.

Simon: Good. Now go put on that emo playlist and fucking WALLOW

Garrett: VODKA.

Ms. Albright: I love you you beautiful bitch

Simon before Bram: I’m going to marry Cal Price one day (istg this is an actual quote)

Taylor, drinking a milkshake and answering why she can't hang out: *slurps* coronavirus *slurps*

Nick: Wait. Is Bram my father???

Taylor: I’m in love with Renee Rapp!

Martin: You’re dying from chlamydia.

Cal: Your hair looks like, if I ate it, it would taste like Tutti Frutti.

Cassie, texting Molly when Abby calls her to tell her she kissed Leah: “Oh its fine shes a lesbian”

Simon, talking about Cal: He's so cute and french though i don't regret liking him at all

Anna: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJfADwFc/ Can i just say that if these gay anime children ever had a nerf gun war rhis is 100% how it would play out and I love it

Ms. Albright: welcome to my world sweetie! also SHUT HIM THE FUCK UP,THIS IS A GODDAMN SCHOOLYARD FIGHT

Nora talking about Nick: i think my guitar teacher forgot about me

Simon talking about Elton John: our gay drug recoverist song baby

Reid trying to be cool: HIGH KANGAROOS VODKA DRUNK KANGAROOS

Alice: But you’ll have to witness him make love to a pasta maker and do you want that???

Abby: *in horrible british accent* Daniel Radcliffe has nothing on me.

Garrett: “also i sing and listen to a lot of songs about sex for someone genuinely scared of it lmfao”

Will: So we’re ignoring that I just said I gave Molly chlamydia...

Leah: Stop wearing makeup on the beach Abby!

Leah: Helen is a stupid name for a weapon.

Leah: what im i doing now you may ask? Reading my hero acidemia Do i have the manga? no Do i like most long time anime fans know where to look for good pirated manga? hell yea So im a illegally reading my hero acidemia? yes yes i am.

Garrett: Who is Tyrian? Leah: A bottom.

Nick: but you know hopefully i don’t get robbed Leah: nicks gonna die/span>

Nora: GUSSE WHO JUST CHUGGED AN ENTIRE CUP OF BLACK COFFE?! ME B/C IM AN SMART DUMBASS AND WAITED UNTIL THE WEEKEND TO CHUGE COFFEE THIS LATE Cal: ELEANOR JANE SPIER Nora: y e s? Cal: HOW DARE Cal: SLEEP IS IMPORTANT Nora: ADHD says otherwise Nora: and i dont noramly have coffee this late but tonights a late coffee night Cal: okay sweetie

Olivia: I have 30 children and only one of them is from my real life. Cassie: Sound like Molly’s crushes.

Bram: *Typed with videos* Guys we are literally a little under an hour away from DC there most likely will be riots all over the U.S but they'll be very intense in DC and in the states neighboring it aka Maryland and Virginia. Simon: well we're all gonna die Bram: Y E P Bram: HOW FAST CAN WE BUY NATURAL DISASTER RATIONS?

Bieber: *walks across Nora’s keyboard and puts his butt in her face* Nora: Bieber your tiny dog butt does not spark joy!

Nick, drunk: Okay but let’s be honest I'd be a great God Leah, sober but humouring Nick: I'd be a great Lucifer

Simon: Garrett are you good? Garrett: I’m just eating my burger

Bram: But what if I’m dangerous? I’m chlamydia Simon: Well, you can still stay, because… Simon: Simon: Simon: I like chlamydia Leah, a few seconds later: I’m personally a gonorrhea person.

[soholdmetightao3]

• Add It Up by Violent Femmes

And most importantly

• Halloween

things that belong to the gays now

pancakes

athens

iced coffee

as long as you love me by justin bieber

karaoke machines

ferris wheels

fun fairs in general

oreos

being good at English

waffle house

beirut

honestly? the entire state of Georgia

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

becky albertalli’s ‘simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda’: a review, amongst other things

I walked into Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda fully prepared to hate it. I’d read it a grand total of one (01) time before, way back in December 2019, with very high expectations that were dashed to smithereens halfway through. On my first reading, I found it terribly cliché, vapid and utterly undeserving of the multitude of four- and five-star ratings on Goodreads.

I’m still iffy about those ratings (it’s a solid two-point-five, three at best for me), but I didn’t hate it as much the second time around. Maybe it was because my expectations were so low that the only way it could go from there was up. You could say that I almost… enjoyed it.

That didn’t stop me from scribbling a page of complaints, though.

I’ve seen many reviews hailing the book as a win for the LGBTQ+ community, for BIPOC, for YA fiction. And Albertalli’s certainly done a better job of writing the character of a homosexual male than certain others. Simon’s whole coming-out crisis is definitely relatable, and it’s definitely a relief to have a character who’s accepted their sexuality instead of one who spends roughly 200 pages whining, “bUt HoW cAn I LiKe BoY wHeN I aM bOy??”

And yet it can be so tone-deaf in other parts.

The most glaring example is at the start of the book (I doubt this constitutes as a spoiler), where Simon says (lmao), about lesbian and bisexual girls: “I think it’s different for girls. Maybe it’s easier. If there’s one thing the Tumblr has taught me, it’s that a lot of guys consider it hot when a girl is a lesbian.”

Yes, the really says ‘the Tumblr’. And it’s not the last time, either.

I find it hard to believe that Simon, a gen-Z if my calculations serve me correct, has a Tumblr account and doesn’t know about Phan, Drarry, Destiel (RIP), Larry Stylinson (yikes) and the other staple gay OTPs of gen-Z Tumblr culture. If there’s one thing the Tumblr has taught me, it’s that there are way too many gay male ships with a brunette and a blond, with predominantly female fans.

Granted, Simon’s talking about their school’s gossip blog in particular, but that can’t be the only blog he follows.

Because fetishization is so easy, am I right, ladies?

You might bring up the ‘death of the author’ paradigm; Simon’s views ≠ Becky Albertalli’s; Simon is a teenage boy and teenage boys are generally idiots- and yet it feels like this is something the author genuinely believes, because she’s also included Simon being A-okay and even flattered by his friend Leah’s gay fanart and fanfic obsession. Yeah… no. Fetishization of queer people is creepy and dehumanizing and I’ve yet to meet a single queer person who’s on board with the idea of cishets doing so.

Also, the fact that he warmed up to Martin even while he was being blackmailed is something no actual closeted queer would do, ever. I’m pretty sure I’m speaking for loads of queer people when I say that being out to someone you don’t trust is a literal nightmare- even worse when they use that against you. And this motherfucker’s all like, “Well yeah, he’s threatening to out me to everyone if I don’t set him up with my best friend, but he’s kinda funny :) I think we could be friends.”

Simon- fuck you, you smoothbrained numbskull.

Another thing I found cringey was how many pop culture references were thrown in. Why, on god’s green earth, would you name a dog Bieber? For one, that’s a godawful name; for another- Justin Bieber? Really?

I consider myself a pretty avid fan of Harry Potter (here I will insert the obligatory ‘fuck you, JKR’), and whenever I see a reference thrown in, I feel like that one Spider-Man meme. And yet there were way. too. many. in this damn book. Seriously. We get it. Simon’s a Potterhead. That’s enough.

Also, I’m obligated to cancel anyone who likes Reese’s cups. They’re fucking vile.

Other attempts at gen-Z-ing that made me want to fling myself into the nearest black hole: every time Simon said ‘I can’t even’; a pop-punk band called ‘Emoji’ (!!! the way I cringed !!!); ‘the’ Tumblr (yeah, I’m never letting that go); Nora unironically saying ‘OMG’ in a verbal conversation; the absolute LACK of One Direction references (see, this is why I love John Green); amongst others.

Simon’s got zero personality outside of his sexuality. In case you didn’t catch it the eight thousand times it was mentioned, Simon is gay. And… that’s about it.

Leah’s annoying and yet I’m ashamed to say I can sort of see where she’s coming from (I’ve had a long and illustrious history of being left out and ignored by my friends, but this is neither the time nor place to discuss my childhood trauma, so I’ll leave it at that). Her enmity with Abby was unnecessary and uncalled for. Nick’s… a Jewish guitarist? And that’s about it? Abby’s cute and quirky and lovable and I love her. Martin’s a bag of dicks plus more. It was pretty obvious to me who Blue was; if you’ve read a YA book, ever, it’s the easiest thing to guess.

The characters were painfully one-dimensional. I can imagine them existing in that particular story, but I couldn’t tell you a single thing about them outside of it. It’s like they don’t exist outside of those pages- they couldn’t be actual people, if that makes sense (it probably doesn’t, but humor me).

The family dynamic between the Spiers was believable and pretty well-written (says me, who has zero siblings). I liked how the diversity didn’t feel contrived- just enough information to tell you that Abby and Bram were black, Nick was Jewish, Blue was half-Jewish, amongst others (funnily enough, when I first read it, I thought the exact opposite). The dialogue between characters felt pretty natural, too.

In conclusion: was Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda a perfect LGBTQ+ novel? I’ve read objectively better works on Ao3 (seriously, those of you who look down on fanfiction are missing out on some quality stuff), but it’s a pretty standard Wattpad-worthy story. It has its issues, and it’s far from the best thing I’ve ever read, and it’s not going on my favorites list anytime soon. You’re not missing out on anything if you choose to not read it, I can guarantee you that. But it’s a decently fun read, and perfect if you want something to while away an afternoon- it’s hardly going to take up too many hours to get through.

And would you look at that- I finally managed to write a review without a single spoiler (admittedly, there’s nothing to spoil outside of Blue’s identity, but let me have this).

[etherseal]

simon spier “I remember exactly how it felt to see that first message from him in my in-box. It was a little bit surreal. He wanted to know about me. For the next few days at school after that, it felt like I was a character in a movie. I could almost imagine a close-up of my face, projected wide-screen.” 

[ao3feed-spierfield]

by zophaloaf

Objectively, Simon knows this is the best possible outcome. After all the shit he went through junior year, he still came out (pun not intended) on top. He has an open and loving family, amazingly supportive friends, and the most incredible boyfriend he could have ever dreamed of. He has everything he could have ever asked for and more. So why does he still feel wrong?

or

Simon is having a "Bad Brain Day" and Bram is soft and does what he can to make it better. ♥️

Words: 2650, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Love Simon (2018), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Simon Spier, Bram Greenfeld, Bieber | Simon Spier's Dog

Relationships: Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier

Additional Tags: Light Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Simon is sad, bram is soft, slightly OOC, Bram is an artist too

[cheerupqueerup]

key points from my reading of the special edition of Simon Vs.

Simon commented on the Tumblr post with his email but Blue emailed first!!

Blue thinks his post on the Tumblr was cringey

they both keep saying “wow” because they can’t believe the other one emailed back

11 is Simon’s favorite number

BLUE ONCE ATE FIVE JARS OF NUTELLA IN ONE SITTING

WHERE DID THAT BOY EVEN GET 5 JARS OF NUTELLA???? HE LIVES IN A SINGLE PARENT HOUSEHOLD WITH NO SIBLINGS!!! DOES HIS MOM/DAD BUY IT IN BULK???????

“And everyone else can catch these fists.” - Blue 2k15 direct quote

“I believe the phrase you’re looking for is ‘catch these mittens.’“ -  Simon 2k15 DIRECT QUOTE

[Blue talking about Simon fanboying over his Tumblr post] “I’m just not used to people noticing me like that.” I WOULD DIE FOR YOU BLUE!!!!

[about puppy Bieber] “they were these tiny squeaky beans, so precious and cute. So we picked our favorite little pupper, and he was such a mush.” SIMON SPIER CONFIRMED DOG-MEMER

Blue always loved the first day of school

“I love school supplies so much, Jacques. They are so crisp and hopeful,” - Blue, actual nerd, 2k15

Simon: “Okay, I’m calling it. Best school supply: the compass. Remember those? The circles I drew with that thing were round as hell.” FDJASKLGJELAKFJDLSKJFLADSK

Subject: but I like awkward people. Subject: I’m glad you like awkward people. Subject: I’m glad you’re glad that I like awkward people.

SIMON SPIER CONFIRMED FOR GROSSEST SIX-YEAR-OLD

I would take a bullet for Blue “Dinosucker” Green118

[ktrsvo]

why simon spier is a disaster gay™

in honour of love simon coming out tomorrow (technically today), i decided to reread the book, yes this is a public service announcement

has a dog named bieber

once dreamed about daniel radcliffe + was obsessed w/ passion pit as a baby gay

during an eighth grade dance, he hid in the bathroom to avoid his “girlfriend” after spending the whole night eating fritos w/ his friends and eyeing people from under the bleachers

calls tumblr “the Tumblr”. BINCH.

reads drarry fanfiction

had a flapper costume when he was in 4th grade

“I mean, I can’t even.”

dressed up as a dementor for halloween

“But I’m gay. GAY. Gaaaaaaaayyyyy.” ICONIC.

he signs off his emails with “jacques”, because jacques a dit = simon says, lmao

genuinely thinks oreos are a legit food group. which is fair.

AGAIN w/ the “I can’t even.” <-- this is when he had that sex dream abt blue

“The Chipmunks are kind of our thing. We had the voices perfected and the theme song choreographed...” his parents named him + his siblings alice, simon, & eleanor = characters from alvin and the chipmunks

ran a tumblr called “Passion Pit OBSESSION.”

the goddamn meaning of his name. simon = the one who hears. spier = the one who watches. that’s why this binch nosy af

“.. honestly, because I’m basically the most blasphemous person in the world. Like, I don’t even know how not to use the Lord’s name in vain.” i ghostwrote this

listens to depressing emo music

took him 2 weeks to find out that there was a note w/ blue’s phone number inside the t-shirt that blue secretly sent him. jesus christ.

i love my son

[spierfics]

hi can u please write a fic where they've just go together and simon is staying the night alone in his house and doesnt tell bram becasue hes super nervous about spending the night together but then its like 2am and hes still up theres a huge ass spider or something in his room and he hATES them so he needs bram to come kill it or get rid of it or something and they end u making out and sleeping in late and getting caught by the spiers thanks i love ur work ok this is v specific but i need it

Midnight into Morning Coffee - Spierfeld Fic

“Just remember. There are leftovers in the fridge, and I left money if you want to order in,” Simon heard his mom repeat the same instructions once again over the phone. 

Nora had placed third in a cooking competition, and the semi-final was out of state. Nora was allowed two guests, and Simon had assured his family that he needed to catch up on homework anyway. 

“I’ll be fine, mom. Plus I have a credit card to order in with,”

“Just in case,” Emily replied. “We’ll see you in a couple of days, Si.”

Simon settled down to watch a film with his dinner, comfortably relaxing on the couch. 

He only got about twenty minutes into the film when he heard a loud thump from the upper floor. It was loud enough to startle Bieber who had been asleep at his feet.

“It’s probably nothing,” Simon said aloud and noticed how weird it was to be talking to himself.

Simon tried to shake the slight feeling of dread at the pit of his stomach. He had asked Leah and Nick if they wanted to stay over, but Leah had a family dinner and Nick was going out town for the weekend as well.

His first choice had been Bram, but he’d chickened out before asking him. It was a huge deal, to sleep over at each other’s place, and Simon was frankly terrified of moving too quickly. 

There were countless things to think about when spending a night together. The logistics of not treating it like a sleepover, but not making it too uncomfortable. The expectations…the bed sharing…the -

Simon’s thoughts came to an abrupt stop when he heard another unmistakable bang from upstairs.

Nothing extraordinary happened between the time that Simon’s film finished and he decided to go to bed.

A part of him wanted to sleep on the living room couch; with all the lights on and a Netflix documentary boring him to sleep, but that was stupid. The internal debate lasted a few hours, and around one in the morning, Simon decided that he’d be going upstairs.

He was going to be fine.

He made his way to his bedroom after brushing his teeth and just as he closed his bedroom door he got the fright of his life.

A massive black spider scuttled from the corner of his door frame towards him and Simon let out a piercing shriek. Simon considered himself fairly brave in most situations, but spiders were an exception.

And some fears were far greater than others…so he called his boyfriend.

Simon heard the back door opening, and his heart gave a little jump. But logic calmed his nerves, knowing it was only Bram. He’d texted Simon moments ago that he was outside, and Simon gave him the code to the garage, where they kept the spare keys.

It was a couple of minutes before Bram slowly opened the door to his bedroom and Simon quickly pointed at the light switch, where the spider currently was.

Bram took a paper cup and a flyer that he’d grabbed from the kitchen and swiftly grabbed and disposed of the arachnid in a matter of seconds.

Simon let out an audible sigh, “Thank you,”

Bram put the cup and flyer on Simon’s desk and sat on the edge of his bed. “I didn’t know you were afraid of spiders…”

“I’m terrified,” Simon said, stretching his arm out towards Bram. “Look, I’m still shaking…”

Bram took Simon’s hand in his own, hoping to calm him down. “And you’re all alone…”

“That’s not too bad,” Simon lied.

“It’s terrifying,” Bram told him. “The first time my mom did a late shift at work I didn’t sleep the entire night,”

“I’m glad you’re here…” Simon confessed.

Bram smiled, one hand still holding Simon’s and the other tapping on his leg. They sat there for a moment, neither of them saying a word and Simon could see that Bram was as unsure as he was.

And that gave him the courage to ask: “Stay the night?”

Simon hadn’t noticed before, but Bram was already in a pair of Marvel pajama pants. He must have immediately rushed out once he’d received Simon’s text, not bothering to change.

Simon loved him for that.

He made some space, and Bram put his phone next to Simon’s and lay down under the sheets.

Simon shuffled closer until he could feel the heat of Bram’s body, silently praying that he wouldn’t mess this up. But Simon would ramble when he got nervous.

“There isn’t much to do right now, is there?”

That caused Bram to erupt into a fit of giggles, something that Simon found so endearing that he joined in a matter of seconds.

“I didn’t mean it like that…” Simon mumbled after they calmed down.

“What did you mean then?”

“I don’t know…” Simon replied. “I just don’t want to mess this up and make you want to leave,”

“Believe me when I say that there’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be,”

“Really?”

“Really,” Bram nodded, his cheek against the pillow. “And Si?”

“Yeah?”

“You shouldn’t worry about messing up,” Bram stated. “I think about that stuff all the time as well, and the fact that we worry about each other enough to care says a lot,”

“I just want to make sure,”

“Then ask…” Bram said, and Simon could feel him intertwining their fingers.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please,”

Simon was almost unable to register the kiss. They had done it so many times but never like this.

Never laying by each other’s side knowing that it could end in slumber; yet when they’d wake, the first thing they’d see would be each other.

Never with the promise of what was to come. It was thrilling in its own way.

Bram always kissed him so tenderly, yet Simon was never able to shake the feeling of his lips long after they’d stopped. His kisses were truly magic.

Simon felt Bram’s arms trying to wrap around him, but one was stuck between Simon’s waist and the mattress.

Bram let out a small laugh, nudging at Simon to lift himself only slightly so that Bram could properly hold him. Simon complied immediately, feeling himself being pulled toward Bram’s chest.

“I love you,” Bram whispered.

“I love you too,” Simon replied, giving Bram a kiss on the nose now that they lay impossibly close.

Before Simon knew it, he fell asleep in Bram’s arms.

Simon woke up as the sunlight streamed into his room. He must have forgotten to draw the night before, having been distracted by a gorgeous boy in his bed.

They had shifted during their sleep apparently, with Simon’s back to Bram’s chest, inadvertently becoming the little spoon. Simon tried not to wake Bram as he shuffled around to face his boyfriend.

Bram seemed to be sleeping rather peacefully, his features looking more relaxed and delicate. Simon couldn’t help but run his finger on the bridge of Bram’s nose and onto his cheekbone, so desperately restraining himself from kissing Bram awake.

“Morning,” Bram said in a gruff voice, his eyes still closed.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,”

“It’s okay,” Bram answered.

Simon still felt tired and managed to lay his head on Bram’s chest in an attempt to fall back asleep. Yet, he couldn’t help but listen to the beat of Bram’s heart and didn’t know if he was imagining it beating so fast.

Apparently, he’d been voicing his thought out loud because Bram answered his question. “You’re not imagining it. It’s always like that when I’m around you,”

Simon took Bram’s hand by the wrist and put it against his own chest, “You’re not the only one,”

Simon thought he heard something, and figured it must have been the thumping noise from last night. He figured they could investigate what the source of that was, in the safety of daylight but they didn’t get the chance.

Right now he just wanted to close his eyes and lie next to the boy he loved. They didn’t get to do that for much longer, because at that moment Simon’s father burst into the room.

“Oh! It was Bram’s car!” Jack practically bellowed, causing Bram and Simon to wake up in terror, and Bram to almost fall off the bed.

Jack quickly scanned them and seemed to be content in the fact that they were both dressed. He grinned, “Everything okay boys?”

Simon caught his breath, checking to make sure if Bram was okay. Bram was decidedly not, he was a stuttering mess trying to explain what he was doing there.

“Bram. Kiddo. It’s fine. It’s not like you guys got caught having sex…” Jack laughed. “And even if you were, we wouldn’t…”

“DAD!” Simon stopped his father before he could make the situation even worse. “Can you give us a minute,”

“Sure thing bud. Be downstairs in ten minutes okay? Your sister needs some comforting,”

“What happened?” Bram asked before Simon could, and Simon caught a look of genuine admiration in his father’s eyes. Bram was always so caring, about everyone, and Simon was glad his father got to see that part of him too.

“Turns out they made an error, and she’d actually come in fourth place,”

Simon shook his head, expressing his disapproval, hoping his sister wasn’t too hurt by the turn of events. “We’ll be right down, dad,”

“Bram…I’m so sorry, I thought they’d be back tomorrow,”

“It’s fine,” Bram said, forcing himself to calm down. “I don’t want your parents to hate me,”

“They don’t hate you,” Simon comforted him. “Believe me. You’re the hero in this story, and I am going to be the victim of endless teasing,”

“The hero?” Bram snickered, shaking his head.

“My knight in shining armor,” Simon laughed. “Well…in superhero-themed pajamas,”

Bram gave him a small wink as he headed to the bathroom to freshen up, and Simon shook his head unable to believe how he’d gotten so lucky.

[petertingless]

Love, Simon/ Queer Eye AU Headcanons

So @gayslowbro we’re discussing Queer Eye as some gays do and John was all like Antoni sounds like a grown up version of Simon Spier and so this happened

If Simon were to ever become part of the Fab 5 but like as a new generation he would take Antoni’s place here is why

Antoni said in a video (the one where he made an Italian dish on Tasty) that he saw himself pursuing other stuff that wasn’t cooking

SO! Simon Spier was exactly like that he was studying like environmental science or something of the sorts I dunno until one day

Nora was showing Simon how to cook something and he thought this is neat so he did the whole cooking thing as a minor and still studied his major although he really enjoys cooking

So flash forward( to like adults now and they’re grown and super good at what they do) Simon and Bram are moving into their own home or apartment and so like Simon’s parents are obviously proud and stuff but sad at the same time so when Si tries to take Bieber with them their parents refuse

This then persuads Bram and Simon to adopt a dog and name them either Blue or Jauqes

Simon had taught Bram how to make their dog’s food bc let’s be real if Simon could make food for him and Bram then he could make food their baby

SO!! Bram is like a super famous soccer player and he’s super big on IG keep in mind!! And one night he decides to instagram Simon’s cooking like both the process bc Simon looks like a dork while trying to cook and dance and also the outcome ( It’s the dish Antoni makes in the Tasty video!!)

ANY DESERT SIMON MAKES HE INCORPORATES OREOS

Because of that Simon is somehow contacted and is wanted to be the food master in the reboot of Queer Eye!!

Simon OBVIOUSLY accepts bc wow!

SIDE NOTE!!! (In the same video Antoni says how he picked up from his mom that he wants no help during his cooking time) Simon is exactly like that so Bram ends up watching !dreamily or with content or major heart eyes! Simon cooking on their kitchen counter

So flash forward Simon and the other Fab 4 do a bunch of press stuff to promote the reboot and one of the press stuff is get this

GIVING BRENDON URIE A MAKEOVER (not that he really needs it, it’s bc Beebo was guess starring on James Corden!! And Corden thought it’d be funny idk I can’t really explain but go with it)

Simon is ABSOUTLEY starstruck and cannot do anything to teach Beebo how to cook bc he’s a disaster gay

In the end Simon becomes Antoni while Bram is a successful soccer play and Nora?? well she becomes one of those A-List chefs on The Food Network

This is probably a mess I wouldn’t be surprised!! I’m hot ( damn you summer heat) and tired so enjoy these headcanons sjdjdjdjdjskbfbd

Here’s also a link to the video I referenced

https://youtu.be/areVnlUXbUU