#bi woman is a lesbian bc i said so'

[cruelsister-moved2]

hi im not reblogging ur post bc i like to keep my blog lighthearted but i wanna thank you for calling out bad behaviour in the community while still acknowledging that trans men can have experiences with misogyny and less power than cis men. i see so many posts lacking this kind of nuance (in either direction) and seeing your post was a breath of fresh air also youre so right

aw thank you i appreciate this<3 i think we get a ton of crossed wires because when trans men are held accountable for misogyny they feel like they're having their own understanding of misogyny invalidated and being told that they have to choose between being a man and being a good person. the thing is, you can understand misogyny just fine and still benefit from it. i posted a great article a while back about how men in gender studies and women's studies can demonstrate an extremely in-depth understanding of misogyny and yet still benefit from & even perpetuate it.

the point i was trying to make is that misogyny isn't just men saying bad things and it isn't just men being inexplicably evil in some way. it's a system we all live in, and marginalised people are also capable of upholding it for their own gain (or just passively benefiting from it without even knowing) even when it's not in their best interests in the grand scheme of things.

tbh i feel like where 99% of people go wrong is not understanding trans men as like, just another type of marginalised man? we KNOW that marginalised men's access to male privilege is conditional and situational and usually it means power over marginalised women in exchange for obedience to white heteropatriarchy. it feels like we r constantly being roped into a childish debate over whether trans men are essentially identical to white cishet men, or are they something which is shaped like a man but doesnt actually function like a man in society in any way.

and the thing is... a man isn't an essential thing. manhood is a jealously guarded institution of privilege. marginalised men often find themselves defending in the hopes of gaining access to it, and sometimes in some contexts they do. there aren't monolithic male and female experiences. black men can know what it's like to be afraid to walk down the street, disabled men can know what it's like to have your reproductive freedom restricted, gay men can know what it's like not to be seen as a man at all. i dont like the conversations where both sides are trying to sort people into static victim/perpetrator categories. so for one side, examples of victimhood prove they can't be perpetrators and for the other, examples of perpetration prove they can't be victims. i feel like the fact that certain trans men's response to these conversations is "well im not perceived as a man/don't access white male cishet privilege in xyz situation" shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what privilege even is. it's all very essentialist!!

[aemiron-main]

me 🤝 mike

trying to make ourselves like girls

[swagging-back-to]

im literally so over putting all the work into relationships if im ever going to date a woman she has to ask me out

[mizusnose]

ahem so I just read your college fuckboy mizu headcanons (which I loved) and was wondering if I could request a lil something about fuckboy mizu genuinely liking the reader so she makes changes to convince the reader she's serious. Reader would probs be SUPER skeptical bc casual relationships isn't their thing but it'd be so cute. Obvs you can just ignore this if you don't want to do it my mind has just been mizu brainrot lately

so i’ve been letting this one marinate for a bit BUT: reader who gets together with Taigen to spite Mizu who won’t get serious for reader. Cue the jealousy, club shenanigans, and poet mizu (!!)

boyfriend by dove cameron for max brainrot

———

Taigen was a fine boyfriend. All things considered. He was better than most of the guys you’d been with before, and he had a motorcycle that he’d let you take pics with and post them on your feed.

But, he wasn’t Mizu.

This point had been made several times. Mostly on Taigen’s end. His constant whining of I see the way you look at her, god I bet you thought I was a woman huh, better yet—you wished I was her huh!

He wasn’t wrong, necessarily. It wasn’t your fault you’d gotten bored and decided to go to Taigen’s fencing practice. It wasn’t like you’d intended on falling head over heels for the hot butch lesbian who had a mean smirk and a sweaty jaw when she whooped Taigen’s ass.

You still remembered the way she had her neck bared, her hair falling over her shoulders, the beat of her heart nestled in between her collarbones, the dark green of her veins under her skin.

So, yeah, maybe you did have a thing for Mizu, who may or may not be your boyfriend’s biggest rival.

Heavy quotations on the rival part since Mizu didn’t give a shit that Taigen hated her—in fact, she didn’t care that the majority of the lesbians, bisexual, and bi-curious girls on campus hated her guts.

But that was what made her interesting.

You’d thought about it often: her, telling you to leave as soon as you’d come on her tongue or strap or fingers, (whatever was fine, you weren’t picky.) and you’d feel that tug in your tummy and your jaw would relax and fall open and—

“hah, did you come?”

And then you’d be back where you started: dating Taigen and fucking him and not being able to enjoy it or come or anything.

The thing was this: You’d only ever been in long-term relationships. Never dabbled in casual one night stands that Mizu was rumored to stick by. Even if you did want her, her time was limited. And you didn’t exactly love sharing.

So, when Taigen complained about having to go out this weekend to “bond or some teammate trust building shit, pfft, as if we aren’t trying to kill each other every practice. Not to mention Mizu will be there,” You convinced him to go, and for you to tag along. As moral support of course.

Now as much as Taigen loved telling you how much he hated Mizu, he liked coming to the thought of her much more. You’d done it quite often, bring Mizu up in sex, the way she’d fence and made him look like a fucking loser. How good she’d look kissing you, having you, taking you away from him. You’d both come then, not just him.

So you supposed it wasn’t that weird to be crushing over Mizu. Especially when the weekend came and the alcohol was sweet and fizzy and the wine dark and bitter, and the club lights shimmering on Mizu’s skin, her hair, her hands as she came up behind you.

“Hey.” She said. Simple, easy, confident. Her hands brushed your exposed back, the bend of your hip, the jut of your ribs.

“Hi.” You said. Sultry, warm, quiet so she’d have to twist closer to hear you when you gasped as she held your waist, tighter this time. A little mean, “I have a boyfriend.”

And she’d chuckle, and pull away and quirk her dark eyebrow up, “Really? Him?” A barely there glance at Taigen who was with the other fencing team members taking body shots off one another, “I could be a better boyfriend than him, you know.”

She spun you around, the steady heat of her palm always on you, “You know me.” It wasn’t a question. You saw the way Mizu’s eyes dragged across your body on her way over, her tongue on her lips as she stared. She knew you were Taigen’s girlfriend.

“Been watching.” She brought you closer, shifted her hands and then you were close. Closer than you’d ever been to her before.

She smelled heady and like pinewood. The plane of her chest was defined, sturdy, and you wondered if she had small breasts, if they were sensitive.

“Can’t believe I almost went home when you’re here—all alone.” She smirked, the same damned smirk you’d replay in your mind as you masturbated and thought of her, “Think I might just steal you from him, hm?”

Her hands slipped up your back, to the bottom of your nape, a demanding grip: there one second, gone the next. She watched your face, your lips, your neck.

“Does this usually work on other girls?”

You pushed away then, your legs wobbly and your underwear damp. You wanted, but you knew exactly what Mizu thought of you: an easy thing, something of Taigen’s. Good for a night, forgotten the next.

So you straightened your clothes, and met Mizu’s confused gaze, “I have a boyfriend.”

Mizu’s mouth twitched. Barely. But you’d caught it as you turned, and headed to the bartop. Even if Mizu was who you’d wanted, being a one-night stand wasn’t what you wanted.

So, you walked back over to Taigen, beers in hand, and watched Mizu as you kissed him wide and dirty. Her glare a steely weight in your belly, and on your beating cunt.

You’d make Mizu yours, one way or another.

——-

Let’s make this a 2 parter. Poet mizu will have to wait. Thanks for the ask :)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pressuring my friend to listen to women who make pop music?

(🏳️‍🌈 to find this)

so in my (25M) friend group (mid-20s) we're all at least some flavor of queer - I'm a gay guy, there's two enbies, a trans woman, a lesbian, a pan girl, a bi guy... so this is about the bi guy, let's call him Josh.

Josh is a pretty chill dude, he's a good friend and I can't complain about him as a person. but he listens to very uhh "traditionally" masculine music - I looked up some of the bands from his Spotify playlist and all I could find was, quote "metal, heavy metal, power metal, gothic metal, nu metal, metalcore"... and yk what, I do think some metal artists are fine af with their long hair and their muscles, I do think they have talent... I have NOTHING against them. however it is known their audience has never been particularly queer-friendly. personally I prefer to hype up women and I LOVE pop stars, this isn't just me - some of my online mlm friends love women pop stars as much as I do.

I started telling Josh he could get into pop artists as well. he's respectful when it comes to what I like but he's not into it. I won't lie to you I feel like he just says it's not his kind of music without even giving it a chance. I kept telling him to try, and eventually Josh told me to stop pressuring him. he also said something like "dude there's no right or wrong way to be queer, I'm bi regardless of what I listen to". tbh I had no idea I was making him feel that way. I apologized bc I felt like an asshole who "gatekeeps" being queer, but I'm also a dramatic overthinker so was I TAH in this situation or am I just thinking too much?

[jaegerisim]

Vent post y'all are gonna hate me for.

I viscerally hate how the Duffers treat most of their non white or queer characters and I hate even more viscerally, how y'all big byler blogs in your circle jerk of other 5 big byler blogs casually like to ignore many red flags the show has.

Y'all like to say: "tHe DufFeRs ArE gReAt WrIteRs" and it's like girl, who are you lying to??? They aren't top shit writers at all. The Duffers are pretty mid imo. Yeah, they run a good show that's fun to watch and theorize abt , but that doesn't mean they're good writers cuz they're not.

1. they completely side lined Will during s3 for the sake of their straight romances: lumax, jancy, mlvn, duzie and partly stobin (even if stobin wasn't endgame, thankfully, Steve's intentions were clearly wanting to date Robin and they gave it a lot of screen time). Will was sidelined bc he didn't fit the straight romance plotline bc they planned to make him gay or whatever. Now in s4 Will and his feelings have been used as mlvn toilet paper. Yes, we like to say this is build up for byler but canonically, Will's feelings have been used to clean the shit mlvn leaves behind.

2. Billy was sympathized a lot during the last 2 seasons. They gave him the sad backstoryTM in order for ppl to feel sorry for him. Billy's backstory is literally Jonathan's but whatever.

3. El's anger issues are constantly girlboss-ified. They down play her bullying situation and literally just use it for El to be a ''girlboss" without realizing how triggering that is. As someone who has lived bullying, seeing it be ignored by canon and fanon is super sad. The whole Rink-O' Mania experience must have been so traumatizing for her yet, everyone absolutely forgets abt it 🤷🏻‍♀️

4. Robin, Erica and Argyle are stereotypical characters. Robin is the quirky lesbian with social anxiety, Erica is the badass black woman and Argyle is the Latino stoner that sells weed to white kids and works as a pizza delivery guy.

5. Altho Argyle and Eddie both do drugs, (Eddie actually sells K-12 to a minor and nobody batted an eye. He has a huge fan base). Eddie is held in a pedestal bc "poor thing 🥺 he lives in a trailer with his uncle 🥺". Tell me a single fact you know abt Argyle that isn't "he smokes weed", "he is Jonathan's only friend", "drives a van" and "he works at a pizzeria". Exactly, Eddie is given a useless backstory and Argyle isn't.

6. Dustin stopped being important to the plot sometime around s2 and s3. He is only there to curse and be mildly funny. My guy needs to hangout with ppl his age cuz he only hangs out with seniors.

7. El needs to stop having so much "I'M THAT BITCH" screentime like I need in s5 for El's arc to not just be her becoming more powerful and falling in love with Mike. I need the Duffers to explore her trauma and problems.

8. Angela should have been run over by the van.

9. Patrick should have been given a backstory that isn't the basic "strict black parents that hit their kids cuz they are a disgrace". Patrick's backstory is actually racist af, fight w the wall.

10. As Lex already said, they didn't trigger tag the ep where Jason and his friends assault Lucas and Erica. Like wtf? Why was that necessary? Why did I have to see a black boy being held at gunpoint by some white guy?? Was it relevant to the plot?? I don't think so. And then I've got to see ppl online be like "Jason wasn't that bad. He was just mourning" like bitch you can stfu. This is what happens when you make the racist assholes conventionally attractive.

Also the fact that Lucas's arc is fulfilled by him fist-fighting Jason and "embracing his weirdness" aka accepting he is black. His arc was not fulfilled at all cuz that ending spoke so loud to me. It showed how little empathy ppl have towards the struggles poc ppl living in the Midwest have. Y'all circle jerks can only see racism when it's super obvious.

Furthermore, parents complained when ST showed "an excessive amount of smoking" yet nobody batted an eye when Billy tried to run over Lucas, when Erica (an 11 y.o ffs) was chased by white kids or when Lucas was held at gunpoint by Jason.

All of this happened while they focused on Max's guilt and mourning that, yeah, are important but certainly not less important than racism!!!

11. In s3, they gave us that whole Nancy vs The Bigots arc that was honestly just triggering and useless. It didn't help Nancy's character at all, quite the opposite it put unnecessary angst.

12. Lonnie being presented as an abuser just for him to never be spoken of again. Can we please get to explore the trauma he left the Byers's with?

13. The fact that both queer relationships are considered "sloppy seconds" is extremely sad. Both Vickie and Mike are rebounding from their failed relationship with Robin and Will. These 2 ships have caused more commotion than Jancy and Jopper together! (These last ships are technically sloppy seconds too but everybody forgets that. Shocker!!)

14. Last but not least, ppl blame Argyle for being the one to get Jonathan into smoking weed as if Jonathan probably wasn't the one looking for it. Let me tell you, that you only find weed if you look for it.

[butch-reidentified]

Yet another time someone has sent me a screenshot from this random woman spreading 100% baseless, very obviously made-up ('i wonder if") bs about me due to who knows what deep unfulfilled need of hers, though she's never had the spine to come for me directly in any capacity. I so do not understand why I'm coming up again now, given I've not been on tumblr much for months, but 🤷

I'm not going to tag her like I usually would bc I have less than zero desire to invite that toxicity into my life so directly atp (I've @ ed her in the past when she started doing this ages ago), but I am gonna say something ab both the accusations she makes/spreads and ab the behavior itself.

She's been spreading unhinged rumors about me being into men for literal years, including accusing me of fucking my brother, and apparently doesn't find it at all fucked up to be harassing a lesbian trafficking survivor with literally COMPLETELY baseless accusations of sex with m*n (which I have never remotely desired and as I've literally made memes about, would sooner die) just bc I didn't think her treatment of macroclit was entirely fair, as the person who had actually known macroclit for years irl before even being on radblr. I don't necessarily think I would do/say all the exact same things now that I did at that time, for deeply personal reasons I don't owe anybody an explanation of, but that doesn't justify any of the toxicity on her part.

I don't think it's acceptable or even non-lesbophobic to act like lesbians need to be a complete monolith when it comes to their experiences with bi women and views. Nothing I ever said claimed lesbians can be into men or anything of the sort, nor supported polilez, and outside of shit like that, I don't think we need to all have the exact same takes on every single issue down to the smallest nuances.

I also don't think it's acceptable or feminist to completely invent and spread rumors about other women like some wannabe Regina George, as if women don't face enough of that stereotype already. Especially if these rumors undeniably play on themes of your target's trauma history. Especially when you yourself certainly know you're completely inventing said rumors, that they're purely weird parasocial (& blatantly dishonest) speculation.

yes, macroclit is my ex, and we were friends after dating but never "fwb." we did not "meet up and have 3sums," we met up and watched movies and went clubbing, and we have not even slept together since like a couple of years before she realized she was into guys. yes i had a "poly" experimental phase in/around my college years - and I'll admit I didn't formally & vocally end said phase until long after it had materially ended - but this was with exclusively other women, as should be fucking obvious, and frankly was mostly in name only; I just never had any meaningful urge to seek out more partners, and tbqh have never had a very high sex drive. I don't fuck anyone but my wife atp & very much don't want to (nor did I want to feel like I had to air my entire sexual history on tumblr to thousands of ppl).

idk what need is being fulfilled by doing shit like this, i rly cannot fathom it & have never in my life engaged in this behavior toward any other woman. in all honesty, I thought it was just a fully fictional misogynistic stereotype that women do this at all, bc I've never known anyone who does. I've seen rumors spread ofc but usually airing ppls real dirt or exaggerating it, not just lying outright. wild.

all that said, if you want to go toe to toe regarding actual irl feminist action, lmk. otherwise, fix your own shit and drop your obsession w imagining me liking d*ck, it's super creepy and weird.

[communistkenobi]

i know next to nothing about queer theory, but i did exist online during (what felt like) huge exclusionary periods (ace discourse, bi/pan discourse, and transmedicalism were the big ones i remember)

i wonder if the first drive for sexuality being something unchangeable and intrinsic to you had something to do with those things, that queerness was fixed and definable, which meant that there were strict lines to be drawn about who was and wasn't gay/lesbian/bi which was only made worse by trans and nonbinary people who didn't exactly fit the previous molds

ill be doubly honest and say i only interacted w/ the community online at the time bc living in a homophobic country doesnt give you a lot of opportunities to meet up in person which means my view of the whole thing is skewed. im not sure if this makes any sense

What I’m about to say isn’t a diagnosis of the causes behind those discourses (partly because i don’t think there is a single reason animating those arguments), but like I guess in general a very baseline authority people fall back on is biology. Dominant reactionary discourses describe being gay trans etc as a lifestyle choice, as an active decision to participate in sexual and gendered degeneracy, and so a very appealing counter-claim to make is to point to biology - we are born this way, we can’t help who we are just as cishet people cannot help who they are, so you should accept us because we can’t change our identity. That rhetorical strategy requires/assumes a stable sexual and gendered ontology, a primary authority of the body that can’t be altered. While I believe this argument is fundamentally flawed, I think this is a straightforwardly easy argument to make re: sexual orientation. With trans and non-binary people this is more difficult because the foundational claim to our existence is that gender is mutable, is alterable, is subject to change (and also “I’ve felt this way since I was a child” is a pathological model of gender dysphoria that is enforced through medical and psychiatric institutions, not a reflection of lived reality for many, many trans and non-binary people). That doesn’t necessarily mean being transgender is a “choice” (although if someone said they woke up one day and chose to be transgender then that is a perfectly authentic justification), especially because “choice” in these discussions is often framed as individualised, private, detached from the social world - we are all just free agents making rational autonomous decisions in a field of equally rational choices, etc. which I think is a very impoverished way to understand choice and agency. Gender is an institution, it is a set of behaviours and performances that we choose to engage in in many different ways, and my use of the word ‘choice’ there does not imply these choices are free from coercion, violence, or harm. I chose to transition, I chose to engage in performances and behaviours that signal to the social world that I am a man - where that desire to make those choices arises from is another matter, and honestly not one I’m super interested in figuring out. Like if I discovered the ‘origin’ of my transness it wouldn’t make any difference to me. Similarly, how I choose to signal masculinity is very obviously bound up in dominant gendered assumptions. Trans people get accused of upholding gendered norms a lot, but that’s only because we aren’t taken seriously unless we do so! It is a survival mechanism that allows us to better navigate incredible amounts of violence and social exclusion, and arguing that our desire to do gender with our bodies comes from some grade-school assumption that dress = woman and pants = man or whatever is pure projection on the part of cis people. cis men think if they drink pink wine they’ll become gay - trans people are not the ones enforcing these norms here.

Getting a bit far afield here, so to loop back around - I think a stable state of sexual and gendered subjectivity or “being” is very appealing to a lot of people because it’s a way to dismiss reactionary fears and to justify to yourself that your oppression is entirely out of your control (which is true obviously!). Again I think these arguments are flawed because they buy into cisgendered and heteronormative ideas about gender and sexuality, that it is a biological burden imposed on us, that deviance is not a choice, that gender is done to us as opposed to being gendered agents, that we are similarly trapped in a sexual prison and should be accepted on those grounds, etc, but they have massive rhetorical power.  

As I’ve said before I’m a pretty staunch believer in Butler’s assertion that it is social all the way down, that gender is not discoverable in the body but rather the body is the medium through which gender is done in the world. Cis people choose to do gender just as much as trans people do! The only difference is that institutional architecture is set up to facilitate and make invisible (in very misogynistic and racist ways) those gendered practices. I think the stronger counter argument to make is that cis- and het-normativities are deeply violent and miserable status quos that need to be dismantled and discarded, that true choice can only emerge vis a vis gender and sexuality once those institutions are abolished, and that choice is actually a desirable end-goal - I want people to be able to participate in gender and sexuality as free agents, as non-coercive practices that are sites of great joy and wonder and pleasure. And this world is only possible if we accept that there is no gendered or sexual ontology, that it is all smoke and mirrors, that this current system’s primary function is to reproduce the nuclear family, to maintain the hereditary nature of class and wealth and race, to provide a standardised system of labour division, to maintain a distinction between the public and private labour realms, and so on.

So again like, is this what animates discourses about who gets to be counted as lgbtq/queer/whichever label you want to use? I don’t know. Probably some of it has to do with that. Queerness is in party a pathological category that is used to describe a failure to meaningfully reproduce cishet norms and practices, it is a set of relationships you have to legal and political and medical and administrative institutions (which is especially true for trans/non binary people). I like this definition because built into it is the possibility of change - I do not want trans people to be assimilated into cishet society, I want society to become transgender, thereby making transgender an irrelevant medical and legal category of person. Much like communism aims to abolish class by universalising the proletariat, I want to abolish gender by universalising the legal and political and medical mechanisms of transition. Only then will cisgenderism be abolished.

One thing I have been thinking a lot about is something a friend said to me, which is that human rights to do not begin with a definition of human - in the same way, I think trans rights do not require a definition of transgenderism. Just universalise and de-pathologise the mechanisms through which transition is expressed. Make it easy to change your name, remove all barriers to hormones and surgery, make everyone economically secure enough that they can change their wardrobe however they please,  desegregate all gendered spaces, de-gender clothing, remove gender markers from all documents, and so on and so on. Doing so would make both cisgender and transgender an irrelevant legal and political category and, again, allow choice to emerge as a meaningful mechanism of gender expression. 

This isn’t a comprehensive policy platform, there are many things I’m sure I haven’t thought through and a large portion of this discussion has to contend with the colonial and white supremacist nature of the western binary gender (bringing us into discussions of decolonial efforts, socialist efforts, and so on), but this is already getting long and I feel like I’m rambling. But like fundamentally I believe in a radical political imaginary that argues that all of this is subject to change and therefore any arguments about an essential gendered or sexual being is, at the end of the day, a reactionary description of gender and sexuality 

[acloudofsparklingdust]

edit (13/10/2024)

Hello mutuals!

I have started a small server (around ~15 members will be the cutoff) for lesbian and bi women only. Currently at 12/15 members.

If you're interested, read the below rules and reach out to me through DM or ask. (I'm no longer reaching out to those who liked the post bc it's hard to keep up with.)

Initial ground rules:

▫️ must be 21+ ▫️ must be a woman ▫️ must be lesbian or bisexual ▫️ the preference for members is for mutuals of mine

(last rule is because I recognize some of y'all for years, not bc I'm trying to get followers. if you have a sideblog, please let me know what your main blog is. this rule might change in time but for now its a form of verification)

These rules are subject to change, my goal is for this to be a safe and chill space. In other words, I'm open to suggestions.

Vibe-setting:

The goal is for this to be a general little slice of Discord, not limited to any particular topic. Events and voice chats are encouraged and have been actively been going on. General rules of internet human contact apply.

Like I said this is small group, with a trusted few mutuals that I’ve seen around tumblr for a while, so there will be minimal verification through a short voice chat to verify that all are women, and to get a first contact for us to get to know each other a bit.

~original post under the cut~

Last edit: 13/09/2024

Hey to my mutuals...

Anyone interested in starting a small (10-15 members tops) lesbian and bi discord server?

Initial ground rules would be:

must be 21+

must be a woman (female)

must be lesbian or bisexual

must be a mutual of mine (bc I recognize some of y'all for years, not bc I'm trying to get followers. if you have a sideblog, please let me know what your main blog is. this rule might change in time but for now its a form of verification)

It would be a general little slice of Discord, not limited to any particular topic. General rules of internet human contact apply, such as be nice to each other, avoid over-sharing personal details for your own safety, etc.

I'm just looking to speak to like-minded women. Would love to use voice chat whenever possible.

If any of this sounds interesting send me a DM and I will send you an invite.

Like I said this would be a small group, hopefully with a trusted few mutuals whom I've seen around here for a while so there would be minimal verification apart from a short voice chat to verify that all are women.

[cruelsister-moved2]

its crazy bc plenty of bi women I really relate to and feel like our experiences overlap vastly more than they differ but an equal amount of bi women's experiences are just very different to mine and we barely have anything more in common than I do with straight women and there's nothing wrong with that idk at what point insecure people decided to use lesbians as a yardstick for validity and if we don't pretend to relate to you, you accuse us of gatekeeping or something despite us being the smaller group. I have limited experiences in common with straight women or gay men or trans men too, but I still want them to thrive and especially to be in relationships where they're treated with respect.

there's no reason to forcibly conflate them and I feel like not only does it always fuel infighting by confining everyone in a small space and forcing them to get along, but it always leads to deciding someone isn't a Real bi woman and doesn't really experience whatever attraction they say they do because they're like annoying or unrelatable or unsympathetic to an audience of lesbians and other bi women. but we already recognised that trying to draw a line on who is enough to count and who isn't is a bad idea. wouldn't it be more productive to recognise the inherent diversity in the bi label that represents a spectrum of identities rather than a monolith. I genuinely think there's so much confusion bc we can't get our heads around the fact that one bi woman might relate more to a lesbian than to another bi woman or vice versa.

it's like weirdly essentialist to imagine that simply experiencing attraction to another woman or to a man in your head in any capacity would fundamentally alter your position in the world. we kind of get this with bi men because there are bi men who exist mostly in the straight world, bi men who largely inhabit the gay community, who move through both, who create their own bisexual circles, etc. but for some reason when it comes to bi women our collective imaginations can only come up with a quirky tradwife or basically just a lesbian. and you expect bi women and lesbians to do all the labour to work this contradiction out but I just think conception of bisexuality as a parallel identity to lesbianism or heterosexuality is always going to end up marginalising one aspect of someone's experience because it really is best conceptualised as more a wide spectrum of identities than one specific thing.

[watermelinoe]

Do you feel as though most lesbians on radblr (not all of course) are… you know? Like.. they progressively become more and more biphobic after months or years of being decent. I don’t know if I’m making a lot of sense, but first it was the 22v6 girl, then normallesbian, then menalez, and now heterophobicdyke too.. i know there are more examples but i’m just getting tired of the biphobia on here.. ☹️

honestly i don't think of this as a lesbian problem. afaik 22v6 wasn't a lesbian. i can't really speak on the other users you mentioned bc i don't follow them, i've seen some of the behavior i'm about to describe from some of them but they don't come to mind when i'm thinking of some of the worst things i've seen on here.

radblr in general just has an accountability issue. someone will say something biphobic (or homophobic! afaik that woman who made that homophobic pastor comparison remade and carried right along) and some people will express disapproval, but most will ignore it or try to downplay it and they'll keep interacting with that user. i'll use heterophobicdyke as an example since she's deactivated, but someone in her inbox was complaining that bi women "whine" about our rape and dv statistics, and in her response she completely brushed past it, zero acknowledgement of that being a fucked up thing to say. that's one typical radblr response. downplaying is another. but the worst imo is being accused of being manipulative.

so if we complain about being called dickmunchers on here, we may be told it's just "venting" and to log off and get real problems, but if we mention said real problems (rape and ipv statistics as well as substance abuse and mental illness statistics) then we must be weaponizing those statistics to play the victim in the great lesbian vs bisexual war that we've all been drafted in i guess. bi women are all master manipulators, obviously.

so where does that shit come from? imo, not radblr.

most deranged shit being said about bi women can be traced back to this blackpilled thing. radblr's biggest problem is that instead of saying "hey that's a deranged thing to say," the gyns are more annoyed with bi women for ~making a big deal out of it~ when WE say "hey that's a deranged thing to say." i can make a post documenting some deranged thing someone said and the two responses i will get are: "this is based actually and i hope your nigel kills you" <- some blackpill weirdo orbiting radblr who assumes i'm male-partnered, and "log off if you don't like it" "that's not a radfem" (bonus points if it's about a user that radfems regularly reblog from) <- radfems

and that's not a lesbian thing, the root is just that no one here thinks bisexuality is an oppressed sexual minority. kind of ironic for the "we totally understand class analysis" group. but if it seems worse than before, i think that's because the blackpill thing is sort of in vogue rn, especially with edgy teenagers orbiting radblr.

it would be nice if more women on here would actually stand up for bi women instead of finding a million excuses not to do so. that's what i find frustrating, personally. but it also happens with racism and homophobia all the time. i know it doesn't seem like it bc we have conflict all the fuckin time, but i actually think radblr is overall conflict-avoidant to a fault.

[evilwickedme]

When I was in twelvth grade my school brought in a trans man to talk about his experience and I wanted him to know so bad that I had changed my name and that I accepted him and I was weirdly jealous in a way I did not understand bc I was perfectly happy being a teenage girl, right? In eleventh grade I decided I wouldn't shave my legs for a year because I was sick of beauty standards and then my dad time me I was hairier than him so obviously there was something wrong and when I got diagnosed with pcos my parents dragged me to laser hair removal, and then reminded me I needed to keep going every few months. I kept going, even though I hated it. I miss my leg hair. When I was 15 I changed my name. When I was 18 I shaved my all the hair on my head off even though I'd always loved my curls because they were too damaged to deal with anymore, and when a haredi man approached me to ask me if I wanted to put on tefillin, mistaking me for a boy, I spent the rest of the week strangely giddy and entirely unable to take it out of my mind, even though he'd immediately taken it back. I used to say before I came out as bi that I was an ally and didn't want to speak over queer voices, and I said the same thing about trans people, but I kept feeling like I had some much to say, like this mattered in ways I couldn't put into words. I've wanted a hysterectomy for years, and was devastated to learn it's incredibly unlikely that a doctor would agree to perform the procedure, since I was a young woman.

I thought, again and again, about that man. He thought he was a lesbian for the longest time. He used to avoid gendering himself, even in an incredibly gendered language, had gotten so used to it it came naturally. His partner considered herself a lesbian, except for him. I didn't know how to feel about that. What does it mean to keep your identity static when the people you love change around you. Is it easy to accept?

I changed my pronouns to she/they, then they/them, then in Hebrew I said please pick either she/her or he/him but stick to one or the other, then I said stick with he/him in Hebrew, then I switched to they/he. I said I was a demigirl, then I said I was nonbinary but didn't feel comfortable being called trans, then I started applying the trans umbrella to myself, then I said was transmasc. Around me so many of my friends were transitioning, mtf, ftm, exploring using gender neutral pronouns before settling back on their agab, exploring gender neutral pronouns and stopping there. A friend of mine told me that they were jealous of me because I was so sure of my identity as a person in their early twenties, while they were thirty and only just discovering themself. Did I know my identity? I wasn't sure. Another friend told me, they're currently nonbinary but they could see a future where they detransition. I cannot understand why my mtf friend was so sure she's a girl, when I didn't know, I had no clue, I didn't know where to go from here.

I thought of that man again.

I wanted to take my tits off and put them back on again and take them off again, just to see how it felt. I bought a binder, I told my parents it's just to fit into my button up shirts. I hadn't worn a dress or a skirt since the year after I graduated high school. I stopped wearing bras. I wore a button up shirt and a blazer whenever I could. I tried to find myself in the performance of gender.

I changed my named when I was just about to turn to fifteen, and a teacher followed me from middle school to high school, and she asked me if I was still going by that, cause she wasn't sure if I'd meant it, if it would've stuck. It stuck for ten years, even as I asked myself, is this really what I want? Is this my name? Would it be okay if I changed my name again, is it allowed? I told everyone who'd listen it's okay to changed your name for any reason, at any time.

I don't remember that man's name. I don't remember most of his story. I remember picturing him walking around, remember wishing I could pretend I wasn't a girl just for an evening. I wanted...

Well.

[g0lightly]

I just finished Bridgerton S3 and tbh I don’t get why people are so quick to label Francesca as bi? Certain writing, directing, and acting choices make me think the intention is for her to realize her love for John is not romantic. I do think she loves him, but more in the sense that he is the first person to truly see her.

I think she’s more likely a lesbian with comphet (because hello it is the fucking 1800s) who didn’t know any better than to assign feelings of romance to a wonderful friendship. The look on her face after she kissed John at their wedding said it all imo. There’s also the fact that she’s very autistic coded and probably used to following scripts for social situations and fell into that on the marriage mart as well - v relatable tbh!!

As a lesbian who struggled with comphet well into the 21st century it blows my mind that people assume a woman from the 19th century likes men just bc she married one. Which sounds strange to say but it really isn’t if you are even a little bit familiar with lesbian history at that time (I recommend surpassing the love of men by Lillian faderman!). At the end of the day i really don’t care how ppl label a fictional character’s sexuality but I do need ppl to understand that to this day women marry men before they realize they’re lesbians bc of social norms, it’s not a wild concept

[blubushie]

blu i need to bitch because this discourse pops up every two months and the tf2 fandom is pissing me off as usual.

someone on twt was bitching about medicpauling because people still take a joke tweet by pinkerton to mean that pauling is a canon lesbian even though valve has never stated that anywhere in the source material whatsoever.

they even said that medic is "heavily implied to be a gay man" and i feel like im going insane bc how did u even come to that conclusion. heavily implied gay where??? who told you this lil bro. if anything he is implied bisexual because the official comic artist drew him with a wife but funny how people always choose to conveniently ignore that. it's giving bi erasure.

ppl just rlly hate bisexuals in general but no one is ready for that conversation.

It's just bi erasure yeah. People do not like us and prefer to pretend we just don't exist. This is coming from a bisexual man who on some days (and quite often) swings full into gay and feels no attraction to anyone who isn't a man. If you're bisexual you're something tainted—look at the concept of gold star lesbians. You're not considered "pure" unless you're a man who's never slept with a woman, or a woman who's never slept with a man. Bisexuals are too close to heterosexual and the queer community hates us for it, so at worst they're extremely biphobic (see the "Straight+" discourse from a few years back where people insisted that bisexuals were just straight people experimenting or some shit) and at best they pretend we don't exist at all 🤷‍♂️

In my experience gay men don't seem to care much if you've slept with a chick. Lesbians can be fucking vicious though. A lot of them REALLY hate men and any woman who's ever slept with a man is now tainted somehow, even if she's had to sleep with a few men to decide she's a lesbian. It's just radfem/terf shit (you know these are the same lesbians bitching about trans women). To any lesbian who's faced this shit, I am so sorry. Sleeping with men hasn't invalidated you, don't let those kinds of people get under your skin cuz they're not worth your time.

I don't reckon the tweet by Jay was necessarily a joke tweet—I think it's more that he'd like her to be a lesbian, said as much, but he's just one writer on a group project and doesn't speak for Valve. The tweet was deleted and I imagine that was done for a reason—imo it's most likely he caught some flak from Valve for it, whether because it was spoilers on their project or because he was speaking something as canon that they hadn't green-lit.

Medic is implied to be at the least bisexual though yeah—Demo mentions his wife in-game. Artists can draw what they like though, so I'm not taking non-canon art from an artist as canon unless Valve confirms it.

Honestly wish people worried less about "waaaah muh labels" and just enjoyed their ships or shut the fuck up. It's annoying lmao

[jwillbiteyourfingersoff]

hey remember how I said I needed lesbian Johnlock?

I started it. I started lesbian Johnlock by doing a fem!John Watson design (based on the bbc character depictions)

I love her sm already I’m so pumped do design Sherlock

Text from image under cut bc I am aware my handwriting is very, very bad + close up of Jane’s drawing

Jane Watson

she/her, 39, 5’5, in denial Bi, Blonde hair brown eyes

Motherly guard dog type woman

Does kickboxing

Doctor, often assumed to be a nurse (misogyny ✨)

Fighting demons (ptsd, bisexuality)

Red lipstick is a guilty pleasure

“Little Miss Perfect” coded

FUCKING LOVES KIDS but scared of pregnancy

Has to remind Sherly it in fact illegal to be bare chested as a woman (she often leaves the blinds open while changing, plus that time she tried to leave the house in a sheet)

(arrows in order top to bottom)

trying to figure out how she got here

evening cuppa

practical (though slightly uncomfy) flats

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for joking that my sister should get a girlfriend when she's trying to get a boyfriend?

I (21 X) have an older sister (23 F) who has made some jokes in the past about finding fictional women "hot", even though she had a boyfriend at the time. I'm not saying she's definitely bi, since she's, well, homophobic, and anyone can objectively find anyone attractive, but when she makes these "jokes" about finding certain women hot, I say she should get a girlfriend, a cottagecore girlfriend specifically.

My sister is vegan, wants to own a farm, and homeschool her kids (bc she had some developmental disabilities that were severely mishandled in both public and private schools). She also has some physical disabilities that were unfortunately the reason her ex-fiance (man) broke it off with her.

As a fellow queer person, you hear all the jokes about all the labels, and while I know lesbians aren't by nature more wholesome than het couples, I know that some woman somewhere would be happy to love my sister. My sister was devastated by her ex breaking up with her, and she fell into a bit of a downward spiral regarding her future and kept saying that no one would ever stay with her due to medical reasons.

Now, I visited her for New Year's, and she starts talking about this older man she's been crushing on. He gave her his facebook (blegh) and we went through his posts. There were some cute posts about his nieces, some generic messages, but then there were some, imo, concerning right wing memes. My sister has told me that this man is a decade older than her, recently divorced, former military, current private security, and she didn't find any of this to be too concerning, so I let her enjoy the crush, since she's feeling hopeful about her future again.

Flashforward to last week, I'm talking to my sister on the phone, she tells me she's gone over to his place for dinner and movies a few times (okay) and he LET HER HOLD ONE OF HIS AR-15s WITH NO TRAINING! He's planning on taking her to a gun range once they're "official" to learn how to shoot and my sister is over the moon! I mean, I'm glad that she's happy and healing, but why This guy?

Anyway, I was lamenting to my fellow gay college friends about the situation and why couldn't my sister "just find a nice cottagecore lesbian"? Someone who is not part of my friend group overheard and said that I'm being an asshole for saying that. I kinda get where they're coming from, but it was a call-back joke to friends who I knew would know the previous joke I was referencing to lighten the tension of a relatively small problem. Really, my sister's new "boyfriend" may be a completely normal and nice dude, I've never met him irl.

AITA for joking about her getting a gf when she basically has a bf?

What are these acronyms?