#bi wenjun scenario

[yanjuniverse]

Drunk Bi Wenjun

[a/n: it’s finally here. sorry it’s short]

A BLUSHY DRUNK

i feel like he could get super red when he’s drunk

he’s not the type for partying

more of a “hey, let’s sit around at a table and tell stories” kind of drunk

more comfortable if he drinks with a bunch of people he’s close with (his nex7 boys mostly)

but if he’s out at a dinner or with people he doesn’t really know, i feel like he won’t drink too much

wenjun is usually really quiet so when he gets drunk, he starts to open up a little more

if he’s with the right people, they’ll get to see his more relaxed side

KARAOKE WENJUN COMES OUT THE MORE HE DRINKS!!!

sits on the couch and sings along to whatever generic song is on

he’ll get up and dance along with some kind of old grandpa moves

goes around and tells everyone he loves them

especially the little ones

“quanzhe, you know i don’t mean it when i call you chubby. you’re beautiful the way you are. i actually love you so much.”

a teary drunk who cries because he loves his friends so fucking much

a couple of more drinks and his head will start to bob to the side and he’ll start to fall asleep in his chair

still humming along to whatever soft song is playing

when you wake him up, he’ll look at you through hooded lids and give you a big, cheshire cat smile

“heeeyyyyy,” his voice is really deep and he’ll draw out all of his words

you decide to take him to bed and he’ll give you a back hug all the way up to the room, his head burried in your neck

very giggly when you’re trying to help him get ready for bed

keeps going on and on about how in love with you he is

tries to give you toothpaste kisses

when you’re finally settled into bed, he’ll want you to play with his hair and talk a bit with him

admits how in love with you he is because sober wenjun could never

turns so he can be the little spoon

keeps mumbling stories until his small words become jumbles of mumbles

falls asleep and stays asleep the entire day because drinking just takes up so much out of him

masterlist

[nextsevxn]

Xinchun: If you think about it, birthdays are satanic.

Wenjun: How?

Xinchun: A small gathering of people huddled around an object on fire chanting a repetitive song until the fire is blown out and a knife is stabbed into an object.

Zeren: Can we not do this on my birthday.

[nex7-dedicated]

Reactions & Scenarios:

Reaction: Finding You Wearing A Clothing Of Theirs

Reaction/HeadCannons: Helping Their Girl S/O With Exam Stress

Reaction: If Someone Close To Them (Of The Opposite Gender) Got Bad Results On Their Exams

Reaction: They Realize That Their S/O Has Been Overworking Herself

_____

Boyfriend Scenarios- Series

Bi Wenjun Boyfriend Scenarios // Part 1 (Requested) //

Ding Zeren Boyfriend Scenarios // Part 1 //

[loveydpp-blog]

[11:57pm] sitting with the nine percent and nex7 members waiting for the ball to drop

[my9percent]

9+59 with wenjun please:)))????

9. “Quit it or I’ll bite.”59. “How do I even put up with you?”

You found yourself staring incessantly at Wenjun. Not that this wasn’t already something you did way too often, but ever since finding out who, or rather, what he was, you found that it became more than usual.

“What are you looking at?” He asked as he continued to write out the assignment. You angled yourself and saw light rays fall across his hand.

“Hmm, you’re not burning or sparkling.”

You swear his eyes rolled so far up his head you wondered briefly if they would come back down. “You’re so annoying. How do I even put up with you?” 

“But you love me.”

“I don’t know why I do. I’ve had two and a half centuries to find someone and I get you of all people.” He finished the essay with a flourish and gave you a pointed look. “You should finish that before the professor comes in.”

You pouted. “You can easily write it for me. You’ve had two hundred and forty years to learn about history. You’ve basically lived through it.” 

Wenjun shook his head. “This is the strangest reaction. Most people would be scared or cautious, but you’re oddly fascinated. And you’re even here, making fun of me. Aren’t you worried I’ll turn you?”

You glanced around to see if any of your classmates were listening but everyone was busy writing their papers. “Isn’t that all part of the plan?” You smiled winsomely at him.

He scoffed and pulled your paper to him, and you watched with fascinating as he copied your handwriting to finish up your conclusion. “Wow, I never thought I’d live to see Bi Wenjun using his skills for academic dishonesty.”

“Shut up. If you got detention, I’d just have to find some way to get in trouble to join you.” 

“So which of the myths are true then? Do you get affected by garlic? You don’t need to be invited in. What about a stake? And can you see your reflection? Why did you decide this year to be a college student?” You mused. “And do you ever look at me, and think, yum, food?”

Wenjun’s eyes flashed and he leaned in close. “Quit it or I’ll bite.”

You gave him a cheeky look. “But, darling, isn’t that the point?” 

Your boyfriend sighed and you saw a flash of his fangs as he spoke. “One of these days, you’re going to be the death of me. You and your questions.”

“Can’t die if you’re already dead,” you quipped, knowing that it would rile him up. Wenjun snarled and let his fangs sink a little further into your neck.

“If I end up turning you when we get home, it’ll be all your fault.”

Wenjun’s honestly grew on me so much, and this is a kind of cracky/oddly a little angsty vampire au. Where’s the angst? It’s kind of underlying. Beneath the jokes and the teasing is actually an insecure girlfriend who just wants to know how long things will last haha

@yuemeii sorry darling, for the wait but I hope you like it, and I’ll get to your other request soon!

[byunhaarmy]

Bi Wenjun as Your Boyfriend

But trust me he's the biggest dork ever

First of all he's a dork

Like he may look cold hearted and all

Loves his yoyo more than anything

That includes you

This dude never dated in high school due to being obsessed with yoyo and badminton

That says a lot

So you're his first love kinda

This is how you guys met:

You're a mentor in Idol producer

Specifically a vocal one

So you got to spend more time with the vocals

You didn't feel anything at first when you saw him

Cause you're not suppose to fall in love with the trainee's?

You still did lol

Plus Wenjun kinda gave up on appearance half way through the show

Iqiyi is a snake

Just stating facts

Continuing with the story

You weren't attracted to him at first

But then he started to sing

And oh boy

You thought you heard an actual angel

“Hi Y/L/N Laoshi, I'm Bi Wenjun.”

Not gonna lie you had to raise your head in order to even see his face

You were silent for a while after he finished

Admiring his beauty

But he thought he didn't do a good job and was kinda scared

“Um, Y/L/N Laoshi? ”

You realize your misbehavior and apologize right away

“Sorry sorry I was just lost in your voice, it was beautiful Wenjun, you did a nice job!”

The other trainee's clapped for him

He was blushing a little bit

You were his idol

And hearing you approve him just makes him so so so happy

He was literally jumping around in the dorms

Shaking Quanzhe and telling him about what happened today

Cute

Insert Jackson Wang

Jump to ep 12 era

He didn't get in

:,(

DO YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF MY HEART BREAKING????

This boy deserves so much better

And that's what you think too

After the show you came to him

He was all happy and cheering for the ones that got in

Untill he saw you

And then he just frowns

Slowly walks towards you

“I'm sorry I let you down……you must be disappointed……”

10th place wasn't bad

It was good

But still, you were sad

Wenjun was your favorite trainee and you did have a lot of hope for him

If you said you weren't disappointed that would be lying

But you weren't disappointed at him

You were disappointed in yourself for not training him hard enough

He saw your sad face and just started to tear up

You quickly pulled him into a warm hug

That's when he realizes that he doesn't just like you as an idol or as a teacher

He likes you

And so did you

You realized that you no longer see Wenjun as one of your students any more

But as a man

You guys started dating right after Idol producer ended

And also told your fans right away

They've been shipping you guys for the longest time so they were happy

The Yuehua boys all loved you

Zhengting can finally take a break from being mom now that he has you

You come over to see the yuehua boys and Chrngxiao every now and then

Wenjun just has the biggest smile on when he sees you

Is a bit shy in the beginning

But goes full on clingy after a month

Doesn't care if the members are around

Will give you kisses when he wants to

Will hug you when he feels like it

No one can stop him

Once you guys had a make out session in the practice room

A wild Justin appears outta nowhere

“Ewwwwwwww get a room.”

“Stop sucking each other's faces.”

“Couples are disgusting.”

And Wenjun's just like

“Nah you're just jealous cause you don't have a girlfriend.”

Wich is true

Justin crying inside

Brings you to nice restaurants

Even though you guys will probably get noticed by fans

But that's okay

All in all he's a great boyfriend

Takes good care of you and is the sweetest person in the world

He loves you very very much

And you guys will live happily ever after

Have a bunch of kids

And grow old together

The End.

[jbjsflower]

English and coffee mornings - Wenjun x Reader

Pairing: Bi Wenjun (NEX7 / IDOL PRODUCER) x Reader

Genre: Social media / text au / fluff / comedy

Warnings: none

Requested: Yes ( @yuemeii )

A/N: Okay so this is my first time doing stuff like this (social media / text au) and well, there was an attempt (?) Hopefully it was not too bad. Also it was pretty short and it took me so long to do this I’m so sorry ldskhdfg anyways hope you enjoy it.

[mangomilkflower]

Bi Wenjun Weibo Update

Caption: 快开学了，大家都要忙起来了吧……

Trans: I am going to start school soon, everyone is busy...

Bonus: (Quanzhe's comment) 经典反戴帽子[偷���]

Trans: Classic backwards wearing hat [smirking]

[cosmichengcheng]

hushed > bi wenjun x reader college!social media au

turns out there’s more than just academic lessons to be learnt at university.

teaser. [next]

[linkeai]

thunder ➸ bi wenjun

- bi wenjun (NEX7)

summary: in which wenjun is definitely, most certainly not afraid of thunder.

genre: fluff

word count: 1428

  Your boyfriend wasn’t afraid of anything.

  Or at least, that’s what he thought. When you had first met him, it was obvious to you that he was trying really hard to be cool despite actually looking like a really long toddler. He was the sweetest thing ever and you made sure you assured him of that a hundred times over, every time falling more in love with how he would scrunch his nose up and his eyes would turn bright red.

  He tried so hard to be a manly, brooding boyfriend. He was most of the time - hence why it appeared that he really just wasn’t afraid of anything.

  About two months ago, you had decided to conduct an experiment. Your boyfriend had his height and the ability to make you melt into a puddle at any given moment, so you needed some leverage to be able to defend yourself from his advances. So, you decided to figure out what it was that scared your boyfriend.

  Like I said - two months ago.

  He wasn’t scared of anything! You tried jumping out from behind doors, under tables; nothing. You watched the scariest movies you could find on netflix and he barely even blinked. This one time, there was this massive spider in the bathroom and he just picked it up by its monstrous leg and carried it through the house to the front door like it was nothing. You watched the man kill a wasp the other day and he wasn’t even phased! He wasn’t scared of the dark, he wasn’t scared of ghosts or monsters, he wasn’t scared of any kind of animal - he wasn’t scared of anything, for God sake.

  You decided to give the jumping-out-from-behind-the-door idea a reboot one night when he came home. All the lights in the house were off, leaving it in complete darkness. You waited anxiously, rethinking the plan as shapes started manifesting out of the black. Just as you were about to give up, you heard the key in the lock and then the door creaking open. You waited a moment, holding your hand over your mouth to suppress your giggles as he called out “Y/N? Why are all the lights off?” As he removed his shoes, you sprung into action, jumping out of the coat closet and grabbing him by the shoulders with a mighty “YAHHHHH!!!”

  Once you were finished, you heard a heavy sigh in the darkness.

  Defeated, you flicked on the light and scowled up at the bored face of your boyfriend who couldn’t help but smile when he saw your pout.  “You know,” he started, hanging his coat in the closet you’d just jumped out of. “Most girlfriends greet their boyfriend at the door with a kiss instead of an attempted heart attack.”

  You stared at the blank look on his face for a long second. “I hate you,” you declared, only half joking as you marched off into the living room and left him chuckling in the porch.

  You cooked dinner later that night bitterly, fighting the desire to set the food on fire just to see if that would finally elicit a reaction out of the stony man.

   After you ate, the two of you settled down on the couch in your pajamas to watch some tv before heading off to bed. He peered after you as you got up to close the blinds and stopped to gaze out the window. “Looks like a storm is coming,” you commented idly, twisting the blinds shut before returning to his side. He didn’t answer.

  You curled up beside him beneath a warm blanket and watched some drama that he loved. Try as you might, you eventually dozed off to the rise and fall of his chest and the pitter-pat of the rain on the window.

  You couldn’t have been out for more than an hour when you were awakened by a sudden thunderous boom and a flash of light in your eyes.

  You blinked hard, suddenly very awake as you grabbed onto your boyfriend's arm to keep yourself from being launched across the room from the force of him flinching.

  You swore beneath your breath, regaining your composure and looking at your boyfriend in surprise. He was white as a sheet and let out a quick puff of air.

  “Wenjun?” You asked, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

  He didn’t answer you, wrapping his fingers around your arm and glancing out the window. You followed his gaze and your mouth formed an ‘o’ at the sudden realization.

 Your theory was only further confirmed when another loud boom rang through the house and Wenjun gasped, flinching just as hard as last time and accidentally squeezing your arm a little too tight.

  “Ow!” You complained. He quickly removed his hand and placed both of them on his lap. They were shaking.

  “Wenjun,” you said softly. “Are you afraid of the thunder?”

  The color returned to his face in the form of a bright red blush that covered everything from the tips of his ears to dips of his collarbones. “N-No,” he stuttered out. “It just startled me.”

   You chuckled and he furrowed his brow, pushing your legs off his lap and crossing his arms. “Hey, I’m not laughing to make fun of you,” you reassured him quickly, lifting a hand to the nape of his neck and rubbing soothing circles there. “I’m laughing because you’re cute.”

  This didn’t seem to help as he scowled at you. He seemed genuinely scared, you thought as he flinched again at the third crack of thunder, the blue light illuminating his scrunched up face. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled. You felt awful. “Why didn’t you just tell me you were afraid of thunder?”

  He sighed, leaning into your touch. His face was still burning bright red. “It’s stupid,” he said miserably. “Only little kids are afraid of thunder.”

  “It isn’t stupid,” you chastised him. “Everyone’s afraid of something, Wenjun. Even the manliest man on the planet. Nothing stupid or embarrassing about it, right?” He met your eyes but didn’t seem convinced, and your heart squeezed when he flinched yet again as the thunder boomed and the lights flickered slightly.

  “Come on,” you said urgently, grabbing his hand and pulling him up from the couch. You quickly brought him to your shared bedroom and sat him on the bed, gesturing for him to stay there as you fetched your phone and your headphones from a different room. When you returned, you noticed that he was looking increasingly more miserable by the second. “Put these in,” you demanded, putting the headphones on his lap and connecting them to the phone. He hesitated before picking them up and doing what he was told, making a small sound of discomfort when another loud crash sounded from the sky.

  You opened your phone and flicked through your playlists, choosing the one full of soft, slow songs you played when you couldn’t sleep. You turned the volume up high and gave the phone to Wenjun, who was looking at you with wide eyes. You smiled at him reassuringly. You were going to do everything you could to make him feel better.

  You pulled back the covers on the bed and gestured for him to crawl inside. Another crash of thunder sounded outside but this time, because he didn’t hear it, he wasn’t phased at all. You crawled in beside him and wrapped your arms tightly around him, his head on your chest and your legs intertwined. You waited a moment for his body to relax and his eyes to close before leaning down beside his ear. “Get some sleep, tough guy.” You teased. “I promise I won’t tell anyone.” He breathed a laugh against your skin, settling in and closing his eyes again. He listened to the soft music while you listened to the muffled sounds of it through the headphones as well as the storm outside.

  “Love you, Y/N.” He mumbled sleepily. You smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. You were drifting off yourself. “Love you too,” you responded, even though you knew he couldn’t hear you.

  The next morning, you woke up and you both acted like nothing happened. He was obviously embarrassed even though he had no real reason to be; if he could protect you from the bugs, the dark, ghosts and monsters and everything in between, he was tough enough to let his girlfriend protect him from a little bit of thunder.

  And about a month later, you did it all over again.

an; is this lame? i feel like this is lame.

[yanjuniverse]

“I’m NOT short!”[BI WENJUN]

*GIF CREDITS TO THE ORIGINAL CREATOR*

[REQUEST: ive read them all yes! i loved them and i actually want to make a request myself bc youre imagines are the bOp anyways can i request an imagine where youre bi wenjuns bf/gf and youre like short af. and you know how tall that boy is. so like an imagine where all the yuehua boys teases u about and its all fun (like they will throw some comments abt her/his height but its all for lolz lmao) iDk this is a mess but do whatever u want with the rest k ily]

you know who’s gonna be the main culprit in this?

mf justin huang

im telling you, this kid is the actual DEVIL

did you see how he treated xingjie? do you think you’re really that safe?

him and zeren would put things up on high shelves just to see how disgruntled you get

quanzhe is definitely on your side tho

he’s not the shortest in the world but will first bump you and whisper “short people unite”

“so like how do you kiss wenjun?” zeren would ask

“i punch him in the stomach and wait for him to double over in pain.”

wenjun honestly LOVES how small you are

because youre always asking him to reach things for you or pouting & he’s here for being needed

xinchun is either on your side or he isn’t. just depends on the weather tbh.

a lot of dissing from annoying twins justin&chengcheng

“y/n, you must need a ladder to kiss wenjun!”

“do people ever confuse you as father and child?”

“people must look at wenjun and think he’s babysitting when you guys go out on dates”

“do you both want to die?”

*looking over your head and out into the distance* “justin, did you hear that? i think i heard y/n but i can’t see them...”

“weird man. maybe youre just imagining things. no way they’re here. it’s past their bedtime!”

“I’M OLDER THAN YOU BOTH!”

wenjun usually beats them up afterwards

he tells you to ignore them since they are kids

lots of “you must be this tall to ___” jokes

and ruffling your hair

“short people are closer to hell. that’s why she’s so angry all the time.” -chengcheng

quanzhe even joins in because he’s finally happy someone that isn’t him is getting picked on

but then someone will shut him down and talk about how big his head is

and he’ll pout and roast the others along side you

but tbh, though they make fun of you, they all think you’re adorable

chengcheng, zeren and justin are especially helpful for you

and xinchun and quanzhe always reassure you that you’re super tall in their eyes

zhengting and wenjun are the PROTEC TEAM and will jump anyone who calls you short

because that’s their job

pet names may include: kid, shorty, baby, cutie, short stuff

affection may include: hugs that result in being lifted, head pats, cheek squishing, piggy back rides

but they all really are protective of you because of your size

i love my sprouts 🌱

MASTER LIST

[nex7things]

to love a psychopath → bi wenjun

genre; angst

prompt; this

warning(s); vague mentions of blood, death i dont even know if these count as warnings but

summary; for months, you’ve been holding onto a frail hope that bi wenjun would learn to love, & a little part of it wanted it to be you.

you were never a likeable person.

you go to school with red eyes and messy hair and never really bring your books for class

you sat alone during lunch, away from all who thought your antisocial mindset were contagious & weird

you don’t speak up in class, you don’t ask for the homework, you don’t have much presence except for when they need an errand runner

you work part-time at underground pubs & bars, for the pay was much higher than a minor’s minimum wage

there was a rumor going around the school, something along the lines of the a-star student bi wenjun stabbing his father’s boss dead

many brushed it off saying it was impossible for him to have time to plot a murder during finals season, but little did they know, it was all true

you were there

& you were the very reason for that undesirable label to his name.

it started on a night at the bar you work at, you served drinks to the rooms of customers

one room contained a professional-looking man, who you later discovered was his father’s boss, & bi wenjun himself

you didn’t really mind the man inappropriately groping you whilst you served the drinks, you were quite used to drunkards & their habits

it was only until the man started kissing you & trying to unzip your dress, in the midst of you resisting it, that you heard a glass bottle shatter

then another, then the man falling behind, with a fresh new slit right below his shoulder blades

behind him stood bi wenjun, a hand full of blood from cuts of glass shards,

& another with a knife clasped tight in it

he killed him,

right through the heart.

& looked completely unfazed by it

“i didn’t mean to... i, um, didn’t really have a choice.”

“doesn’t, doesn’t that hurt?” you asked, pointing to his hand, glass still intact

“are you...scared of me?”

his gaze is a careful one as he repeats, “you’re...not scared?”

“of this whole thing? of course i’m a little overwhelmed. but of you? no, i’m afraid not.”

“and why...not?”

“you saved my life, bi wenjun. i wouldn’t have stayed a virgin if it weren’t for you.”

you patched up his wounds, cleaned the blood off of him & the room, handed him a change of clothes from the storage room

you hailed a cab for him to return home, before you do the same,

and the body...well, it’s chucked away into a wardrobe in the farthest room on the left

neither of you wish to speak of that night

but you would be lying if you were to say you never wish to see him again

so for days, you waited for him in the morning to hand him an extra set of breakfast you bought just for him

“why do you always wait for me? just go ahead.”

for weeks, you stuck by his side, willing to be a listening ear despite his cold shoulder

“why are you doing this, is this some kind of sick game? a bet?”

“what, no! i just thought...you know, you needed a friend, because you look lonely —“

“i don’t need your fucking pity, y/n.”

for months, you’ve been holding onto a false hope that, if you were to keep this up, bi wenjun would eventually open up his heart to you,

“i just wanted to get to know you!”

“is that so? well, what if i told you i choke my puppy on its leash before i go to bed at night? what if i told you...i have a knife collection sharpened exclusively for the checklist of people i wish to kill?”

“i-i don’t —“

a false hope that, if you were to try hard enough, he would eventually start to smile at the sight of you

“just because i’ve killed for you, y/n,...doesn’t mean i’d die for you.”

a false hope that he would eventually start to love you

”so leave me alone, would you?”

but you refused.

you decide to ask him out over a phone call one day, hoping it would at least put an end to your chasing, if not your pain

because you know, you know feelings would only grow if it were to be kept safe within yourself

you wished for him to reject you in the most brutal & embarrassing way possible,

but instead, he agreed

and so, he stopped telling you to fuck off & to mind your own business

he started accepting your little acts of kindness

but your talks with him remained entirely one-sided, you spilling your entire life story to him & him not even faking an ounce of curiosity

your hugs consisted of you pulling him close & him barely wrapping his arms around you

your kisses were mostly initiated by you, with fireworks exploding in you but only a mere spark in him

you put up with his never-presence & his never-coming calls

you put up with him never initiating skinship, only because he never refuses it when you do it first

you put up with his sociopathic behavior, because once upon a time, you were just like him

you put up with bi wenjun, because you thought you had it in you to make him happy

oh, how wrong you were

if you learnt anything at all from dating bi wenjun, it was that to love a psychopath was really a simple task,

all you’d have to do is to accept that they will never really love you back.

[nextsevxn]

Zhengting: How on EARTH did Chengcheng and Justin break their bed?

Wenjun: I... don’t even want to know.

[the night before]

Chengcheng to Justin: I bet you can’t jump high enough to touch the ceiling.

[nex7-dedicated]

Wenjun Boyfriend Scenarios

I tried my best...I hope its what you want and you like it! If its not, please message me so I can fix it! Thank you for requesting, and for being so understanding. xoxo! @tallwenjunator

________________________________________________________________

Imagine falling asleep on your couch waiting for Wenjun to come home from tour, but getting awaken by Wenjun crawling onto the couch next to you and snuggling into your side, giving you a gentle kiss on your cheek and whispering a soft “I love you. Goodnight.”

________________________________________________________________

Imagine being a fan meet and greet but staying in the sea of fans until your eyes met his, a soft smile spreading across his cheeks.

________________________________________________________________

Imagine Wenjun throwing you a birthday party at your shared house, inviting all of your friends and him and the boys cooking the food for the night.

_______________________________________________________________

Imagine going on a late-night stroll with Wenjun, walking hand and hand down to the nearest park. Talking about your day and his day while the cool summer breeze blew.

_______________________________________________________________

Imagine late night talks with Wenjun filled with giggles, pecks, and compliments being thrown from both of you to eachother. 

[loveydpp-blog]

[4:32pm] you being a member of ‘fantasy restaurant’ and justin saying you both are the parents of like (if you don’t watch the show, they have to take care of a dog named ‘like’ while managing the restaurant)

[my9percent]

Drabble Requests Open

Hi everyone! As the school year has hit one of the busiest points and with Nine Percent’s impending debut, I’m hoping to have some content out that aren’t long scenarios.

Below are a list of prompts taken from here. Please feel free to send in requests. I write for Nine Percent and basically any of the IPD boys.

You can send in two prompts maximum for each request. Feel free to include an au, a small plotline or a preferred genre (angst, smut, etc.). Happy requesting!

“The skirt is supposed to be this short.”

“How long have you been standing there?”

“I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid.”

“Who gave you that black eye?”

“You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”

“I just like proving you wrong.”

“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

“Forget it. You fucking suck.”

“Quit it or I’ll bite.”

“If you use up all the hot water again, I swear to god! You’re on the couch for a month!!”

“If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for a while.”

“Take. It. Off.”

“Well, you’re coming home with me whether you like it or not.”

“I’ll kick his ass if you want me to.”

“Stop it! It tickles!”

“It’s okay to cry…”

“And that’s how you ruin a life. Congratulations.”

“D..did you just make that noise?”

“He’s a bad kisser.”

“You can scream if you want.”

“I didn’t know we were keeping track.”

“We’re playing checkers. If you don’t like it, leave.”

“One of them’s missing.”

“Save some for me.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“You’re still mad?”

“Come over here and make me.”

“You better watch yourself.”

“Eat your lunch and you wouldn’t be hungry.”

“Why did we have to have kids?”

“Call on Line 1”

“He creeped me out. I’m not gonna lie.”

“I’m done! You can fix it!”

“Can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch?”

“Where did he go?”

“You leave whenever you feel like it.”

“I forgot I was a single parent.”

“Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.”

“You’re going out dressed like that?”

“For the hundredth time, I’m not your babysitter.”  

“Frost the damn cupcakes.”

“Well that’s the second biggest news I’ve heard all day.”

“You look pretty hot in plaid.”  

“I thought you were dead!”

“I thought it was a one-night-stand…and now we’re married…”

“We’ve become the clingy couple that you used to complain about.”

“Quit touching me. Your feet are cold.”

“You know you want it, sweetheart.”

“I’m your husband. It’s my job.”  

“You just wanted them because the light up.”

“That wasn’t very subtle.”

“He thinks he’s a mind reader.”  

“It’s just you and me tonight. I was thinking we could have a little fun.”

“I don’t do hugs.”

“Don’t talk anymore.”

“I’m just a guy with a wife, two kids, and a Harley.”

“How do I even put up with you?”

“I said get rid of it.”

“They didn’t just find out. They already knew!”

“You’re not as quiet as you think you are.”

“Can you just man up and change his diaper?”

“Just don’t buy a goat. I don’t care what you do, just no goats.”

“I have a secret.”

“I won’t let you get hurt.”

“You’re strong, baby. You have to be.”

“He’s four years old!!”

“I’ve had enough! I want to be alone!”

“I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Me and the boys will handle it.”

“You’re competitive and so am I, and it’s going to lead to a fight.”

“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

“You’re a dork, just like your father.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“Daddy!”

“I lost our child.”

“That’s my shirt. So is that..wait?”

“My name isn’t Leslie…who’s Leslie?”

“There’s a surprise upstairs for you.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“I’m not your boss? Well then who is?”

“You can’t eat solids, only liquids until Thursday.”

“Come on, baby, up to bed.”

“They got you a present. Isn’t it sweet?”

“Am I scaring you?”

“Run! You said you’d work out with me!”

“After everything…I’d still choose you.”

“And when did you plan on telling me about this?”

“Trust me.”

“Scoot over a little bit, please.”

“You’re so clingy, I love it.”

“You didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were ‘in the mood’.”

“Did they hurt you?”

“You’re cute when you’re all worried.”

“Stop being grumpy. It’s lame.”

“I don’t need a hero, I need a husband.”

“Don’t shut me out.”

“You got a cute butt.”

“I just got out of the shower, I can’t dance. What if my towel falls off?”

“Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.”

“Do you really think I could ever replace you?”

“Sharing is caring. Now give me your fries.”

“…or we can chill in our underwear.”

“You can’t make up for it by giving me a tic-tac.”

“Keep pedaling and don’t stop, okay?”

“You, me, popcorn, two liter Dr. Pepper, and a movie. You in?”

“Have you seen my contacts?”

“Life is a highway, and I’m always drunk. So I’m not driving.”

“Quit stalling. Where’s your father?”

“You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.”

“Is he coming home?”

“I prefer blondes.”

“No more dogs. How hard it it to understand?”

“I let you win.”

“I broke your nose, and I’m sorry for that. But what you’re doing isn’t fair.”

“Can I do your hair?”

“Your favorite superhero can’t be a villain.”

“I told you not to jump on the bed!”

“He’s pampering me, let him be.”

“Ready or not, here I come.”

“I’m worried about losing my job!”

“Oh, did I scare you, big boy?”

“Happy new year!”

“Quit moving, I’m trying to sleep. Wait…are you…what?!”

“You nap, I’ll stay awake.”

“It’s turbulence. It’s normal.”

“Don’t touch me. We’re fighting.”

“I’ll give you a massage.”

“You fell asleep in the tub?!”

“Are you doodling?”

“We’re not playing strip poker. I don’t care what I said when I was drunk.”

“Slushies aren’t just for kids, fuck society.”

“Are you scared…Then why won’t you look at the screen?”

“Enough with the pillow talk, I’m tired.”

“You had a nightmare, tell me what it was about so I can fix it.”

“We need groceries, not just junk food. You’re worse than the kids.”

“Is this our closet? Or your closet?”

“If I win, you do dishes for a week.”

“Fist bumps are cooler than high-fives…”

“Use your words.”

“Hold my hand so he gets jealous.”

“Ew, your hand is sweaty.”

“Get out of my face before I hit you.”

“I don’t care if your 4 or 40, you don’t hit people.”

“You only care about football, beer, and raking leaves.”

“Look! Fireflies!”

“Why do you only kiss me when I’m sleeping?”

“I just need ten minutes.”

*Make Your Own*