#beyond the fact that i spent ages on this i really want more people to know about this

[take-a-cchonce]

Fake Promises: a Masterlist

Okay folks. So as an Indian fangirl, life is not easy.

Do not get me wrong. I love louis. I love niall. I love harry. I love zayn. I love liam.

But they've made so many fake fucking promises and just god. I'm sick and tired of this all. Give us a chance, please? beyond just tweets.

And then I realized, most people have no idea about this.

So let's take a look:

Starting with Louis, he's been the most active, atleast. He's often spoken about us and has atleast acknowledged us which is... ig it's something. I'm not holding him to any of his promises though.

And he spoke on an Indian radio channel, which I have transcribed:

"To the Louies in India, I would just say thank you. Thank you very much for your support and often I see on social media, and honestly, ALL the time I'm talking to management about coming to a show in India so we're gonna make it happen."

Niall has only ever talked about India once and to be fair to him, he did say 'If i get a chance'.

Liam has spoken twice, but ditto. He said he'd love to, 'if possible'.

Zayn did have a four city tour planned out, so I don't blame him at all. Of course, all his tour plans fell through, so.

Harry. Harold. Haz. H. What do I even say about him. Lets just say searching up harry styles India won't yield any results at all.

So yeah, that was just to give y'all a little idea of what it's like to be an indian fan. Still gonna remain hopeful one of them's gonna come here one day.

If you look up on google, why no artist every comes to india, and understand I mean, all artists. It says it's because we don't buy cds. Guess what, folks? They're not sold in any stores. And buying them off their websites is absolutely impossible to a normal person earning a normal amount of money by indian standards.

Seems a bit unfair.

And please, understand that I love them, very very much. They've saved me and I'm literally never gonna stop loving them. But it does hurt. Being ignored like this.

Maybe one day.

links under the cut

[asxgard]

Companionship | pt. 13

Dr. Michael “Robby” Robinavitch x f!reader

Previous | Next

Summary: You score tickets to a Penguins game for Michael’s birthday — but you have more than one way to celebrate in mind.

[ Series Masterlist ]

Note: I can’t always answer all of your lovely comments or reblogs, but thank you all so much!! I appreciate all the interactions you guys give this series💜

I’m sorry this wasn’t out yesterday! I got a migraine at work and then it just wouldn’t go away all day. It proceeded to stick around for a good chunk of this morning as well lol

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: age gap, foul language, violence at a hockey game, birthday blowjob (oral, m! receiving), pet names (sweetheart, honey)

not beta read

How you had been able to save enough money to afford the tickets really was beyond you. When Michael picked up your utility bill, you put the money you would have spent and put it into savings. You were then able to buy the tickets for the Penguins vs. Predators game at the PPG Paints Arena after saving for nearly two months.

“So…your birthday is coming up.” You ventured one night, rubbing a thumb into your palm.

He half groaned, rubbing a hand down his face, “Don’t remind me.”

“So that’s a no to your gift then?”

His interest piqued, looking back over at you, eyebrow raised. “You got me something?”

You pulled the card out of your bag, “It’s a little early…but you’ll understand why in a moment.”

The card was quaint, with your sprawled handwriting with his name on the front. You hadn’t gotten physical tickets, so the inside of the card was empty, except for the heartfelt little note you had written. Then at the bottom was: you are now two Penguins vs. Predators tickets richer!

Michael read over the note a few more times, before looking back up at you and blinking. He brought a hand to the back of your head and pulled you in for a kiss.

“You really didn’t have to get me anything.” He said, still holding onto you.

“I wanted to.” You smiled and gave him a quick peck. “Not sure if you want to take Jack, or Jake maybe, but I wanted to give you enough notice in case you needed to take time.”

He scoffed like he was offended, “I’m taking you.”

Your smile grew, “Yeah?”

“Of course I’m gonna take you, sweetheart.” He said, kissing you again. “This was really nice of you, thank you.”

Your cheeks warmed, “Sorry I couldn’t do more. Once I’m a CPA—”

“None of that. This is a great gift and I’m looking forward to spending time with you.”

You nodded, taking in his genuine smile.

“I would like you to meet them. Jack and Jake, I mean. And a few other people from the hospital, in a more official manner than showing up for stitches.”

You smiled at him, but anxiety filled your chest at the thought. Jake was his surrogate step-son, and had been in Michael’s life since he was just a kid — you worried over the fact that you were much closer to Jake’s age. You wondered if he was the judgmental sort. And Jack. From everything you had heard about him, he was not likely to sugarcoat anything — if he didn’t like you, you’d know about it.

“I’d like to meet them.” You said, twisting your hands together.

As if sensing your unease, he kissed the side of your head. “They’ll love you.”

“I’m sure it’ll be nice to put all those rumors to rest.” You smirked, thinking back to how everyone hovered both times you had been at the hospital.

He chuckled, “All the people who need to know do now.”

Your face heated, thinking that you had done the same.

You swung your legs into his lap and cuddled close to him, “Good, I did too.”

—

The trek to Saturday was a busy one, hardly having time for each other. When Michael was working, you were studying, and when you were working, he was trying to occupy himself with mundane chores. By Wednesday night, he had showed up on your doorstep with takeout and a smile. You had thrown the door open and crashed your lips together, giggling and saying, “I missed you.”

You found a Penguins t-shirt in the back of your closet to wear for the occasion, slipping on a simple pair of jeans and your favorite sneakers.

You arrived at Michael's apartment with coffee and bagels — set to spend the majority of your day there while you waited for gametime. You lounged around and watched shitty tv reruns, and it was a welcomed lazy few hours for the both of you. Stolen kisses that left you wanting more, and soft touches that made you want to throw your plans out the window.

You ate dinner at a bar near the arena, excitement brewing at being to your first hockey game.

“I don’t wanna jinx it, so I’m just going to hope we have an enjoyable game.” You said, sipping your drink.

Michael chuckled, “Cheers to that.”

The arena was not overly packed, but it felt crowded navigating through the halls and to your seats. You had paid for decent seats, in the last row of the first floor, on one corner near the home bench.

Michael kissed you softly, “These are great seats.”

You beamed at him, and intertwined your fingers. He brought your hand up to kiss the back of it.

At puck drop, you traded conversation over predictions, and hoots and hollers at your favorite players. You laughed and held onto each other when the other team got too close to scoring. You cheered when the Penguins scored their first goal, standing with your hands in the air. You held your breath every time a fight broke out, squeezing Michael’s hand. And you enjoyed the way he knew the game well enough to make calls before the referee’s did — announcing “icing!” or “offside!” before the whistle blew.

During the first intermission, you went together to get a beer before heading back to your seats. The crowd around you was rowdy, but not uncomfortably so. You were enjoying the atmosphere.

Second period came with a few idiotic calls from the referee’s, but also another point for the Penguins. You cheered loud enough you feared you would lose your voice, and Michael watched you affectionately.

In the second intermission, you wandered off to get cheesy fries while Michael got another beer, and you met back at your seats. You were bouncing on your heels in excitement, though did not dare to utter the W word, in fear of jinxing it.

During the third period, the Penguins scored another goal toward the latter half.

“This has been the best game,” You laughed, munching on a cheese fry.

Michael pulled you in close, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. He kissed your head.

By the time the buzzer sounded, the Penguins had won in a 3-0 shutout game against the Predators. You gave a relieved laugh, as you had been standing on your feet for the last minute of the game when the Predators had gotten too close. On your way out, you asked a random couple to take your picture.

You added the photo to your favorites on your way out, taking in Michael’s smile, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, his other hand in his pocket. Butterflies fluttered around in your stomach.

You looked over to him with the widest smile, admiring how handsome he was.

“Something on my face?”

“No,” you said, heat blooming in your cheeks. “Can’t a girl take in the view?”

He grinned softly, making his smile lines crinkle. He brought a hand to cradle your face, rubbing a thumb across your cheek. His eyes flickered between your eyes, and your heart started racing. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it, leaning down to kiss you instead.

You melted into him, wrapping your arms around his neck, wanting to savor it for as long as you could.

When you returned to his apartment, adrenaline filled your senses, suddenly having the urge to get on your knees for him — half desperate to taste him, half addicted to the sounds he made when he was enjoying himself.

“It’s late…you should stay over.” Michael said in his dim living room, the one side table lamp being the only thing illuminating the room.

“I didn’t bring anything.” You said, a sheepish smile on your lips.

“I’ve got plenty of things that’ll fit.”

Your smile widened into a grin, heart racing at the thought of wearing his clothes. You pulled him down for a kiss, tongue sweeping across his bottom lip, and he opened his mouth. His tongue entered your mouth and you hummed against him.

Something bubbled in your stomach at the feeling of him getting hard, and your thoughts spiraled downward. You moved a hand to the waist of his jeans, pulling at the button until it unbuttoned. Michael’s breathing hitched, bringing both hands to either side of your head and kissing you fiercely.

As the zipper lowered, so did you, getting onto your knees and looking up at him.

He stared down at you, shoulders moving up and down with his breathing, face half shadowed. Though his brown eyes pooled desire low in your belly.

You pulled down his jeans to his knees, running your hand over his length through his boxers, watching as his eyes flickered closed. When you pulled them down, he opened them again, looking down at you with half concealed desire.

“You don’t have to—” he choked on his words when you grabbed hold of him, your hot breath on his tip.

You wet your lips, “I really really want to.”

He cursed lowly, running a hand through his hair, “Fuck, okay, honey.”

You licked tentatively along the head, and you noticed how his stomach quickly clenched and unclenched. Your smile was hard to hide. You took him into your mouth, tongue swirling along the tip before you descended deeper.

Michael let out a low groan from the back of his throat, head pointing up at the ceiling. HIs hand found the back of your head, not pushing, but simply holding you.

You took him until his cock hit the back of your throat and tears quickly gathered. You set a slow pace, using your hand to pick up the slack closer to his base, unable to take the full thing into your mouth. You moved your other hand to cup his balls and he moaned.

Your pussy pulsed at the sound of it, feeling yourself grow wet. You looked up at him through your lashes, and he was watching you intently, eyebrows drawn in.

“So beautiful, sweetheart. Fuck.”

You hummed around him at his words, and his apartment was filled with the sound of his quiet moans and grunts while you unraveled him. You took him deeply again, trying not to gag, flattening your tongue to apply pressure upwards while you hallowed out your cheeks.

“If you keep that up—fuck—I’m going to come down that pretty throat of yours.” He warned, though his voice sounded wrecked.

You looked up at him and didn’t stop, easily saying that that was exactly what you wanted.

He let out a few pants, one hand going to his neck, while his body tensed. You could feel that he was trying not to thrust into your wanting mouth. You ran a finger over his balls still in your hand and picked up your pace.

Michael came with a low groan, eyes squeezing shut, and you took it all. You swallowed his spend until he was twitching from overstimulation. You let go with a wet pop, which made him jolt. He quickly pulled you up in a kiss.

“Yeah, I need you in my clothes right now.”

You met his eyes, noses touching, and you smirked. “You gonna make me, handsome?”

A sly smile grew as he pulled up his pants, “I can certainly do that.”

He chased you into his room, your laugh echoing off the walls.

[ Next ]

want to join any of my taglists? shoot me a message!

Companionship taglist: @queenslandlover-93 @clementine111002 @virgomillie @emily-b @kaygilles @lt-jakeseresin @imonmykneessir @kniselle @gabsgabsvaz @rosiepoise88 @calivia @holdonimwalkingmysnail @valhallavalkyrie9 @blahkateisdone @shadowhuntyi @fuckalrighty @elli3williams @yournerdmodziata @i-know-i-can @dickheadturner @dcgoddess @pittobsessed @glamorizethechaos @blueb33ry-cat @whatdoesntkillyoumakesyoustrange @burningpenguinwitch @evienorville @equallyshaw @heyysolsister @justrandomthougt @babygirlagenda @lauracantsleep @rogersbarnesxx @longlivecandice @misshoneypaper

Dr. Robby taglist: @cherriready @seeyalaterinnovator @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @bxxbxy @18lkpeters @flyinglama @hagarsays @mayabbot @anakingreys @happyfox43 @dark-twisted-and-mechanical-mind @sarah-the-bird-nerd @girl-obsessed-with-things @laurenkate79 @woodxtock @rosie-posie08

(50 tags have been reached with the combo of all three taglists, so unfortunately some of Dr. Robby & all of The Pitt taglist for this series will be added in a reblog right after this is posted - I’m sorry if this is an inconvenience!)

three parts to go + the epilogue😭

[skyfallscotland]

🐉 ONYX STORM PROLOGUE, CHAPTERS ONE & TWO MY THOUGHTS: (god bless the dutch 🇳🇱)

So not totally verified yet, but it seems legit. This is absolutely the scene I expected us to be starting with, and despite the translation it does read like Rebecca. Thank you so much to @thestarseternaal for sharing it with me! You can find it here.

Ok, let's fucking goooooo! 🤘

· That trigger warning list? "The death of an animal" 💀😬 The "descriptions of sexual acts" though, thank god, though it's not looking promising for the two of them so far.

· Garrick and Bodhi KNOW?! Ok that I didn't see coming?

· "I can't blame him for wanting to know what he is" ANDARNA 😭 "I'm as much in the dark as he is, and you trust me." 😭 I want to hug the baby

· "Magic feels different when I change colours. When I used my power, it was like the venin transformed, weakening-" Ok so confirmed, she's the solution they're looking for *sigh*

· It's going to be unfortunate if the allies we're seeking are just Poromiel, and I think they are given both the excerpt prior to the prologue and the fact the Target edition map had only a few places in Poromiel on it and no Isles. I guess we're not looking for Andarna's family over there until books four and five? 😞

· Wait...what? Leadership knows what Andarna is? Everyone knows? Who TF told them? I was certain they didn't see? I can't believe we spent all this time worrying about people knowing she was a baby when she bonded and y'all just told everyone she was a super special rare breed right off the bat. SMDH.

· Aotrom's only 22? 😭 I'm older than Aotrom? RIDOC and him are the same age, that makes so much sense!!

· TAIRN CALLS XADEN "THE DARK ONE"? 😭 I feel like I'm not going to like Tairn much this book, and I feel like he's gonna ☠️ but that's for my theory post.

· "His soul is no longer his own" "That's a bit dramatic." VIOLET I LOVE YOU 🖤

· "You mean whether I'll support you in the thousand ways you want to face death to heal someone who's beyond redemption?" Oh Tairn...why do I get the really, really bad feeling you lied about Naolin?

· The truth-sayers have let Caroline Ashton off the hook? Hmmmm suspicious. Everyone's evil, I just know it.

· "Devera and Kaori will be back soon. They’ll straighten out the command structure once the princes have signed a treaty that hopefully grants us grace for even leaving in the first place." Ummm princes plural? So I guess Cam hid for nothing? Well not nothing, but he's...back with his fam? Also why would they be signing shit? Where's the damn king?!

· "The rarest signet, which appear once per generation or century, have been documented twice simultaneously with an equal counterpart, both during critical times in our history, but only once have the six most powerful walked the Continent at the same time. As fascinating as that spectacle must have been, I would rather not witness it again in my lifetime. – A study of signets by Major Dalton Sisneros" Ok could be a weird translation but I'm confused by this. The counterpart thing could be either a rider and a venin (ie. one of the venin can distance wield and we're getting a distance wielder) or dark and light, ie. shadows and light. Also six like the first six and they all had partners within themselves? Three pairs? Or? What even were their signets because I can't believe we've NEVER FUCKING ASKED? I've literally never seen that mentioned and it seems...so fucking relevant.

· Perhaps a more outlandish theory, but I think the venin with the silver hair who distance wields might be Xaden's mother. I'll elaborate later, but 😬😬

· Ok well, 1. I'm fucking crying already, and 2. "Even if I reached the rank of Maven, led armies of dark wielders against everyone we care about, and if I had to watch every vein in my body turn red because I had drained all the powers of the Continent, I would still love you. What I’ve done doesn’t change that. I don’t know if that’s even possible." That's a little bit storm in the quiet, I love it when the vibe is proven ✨correct✨ 😭 @justallihere

So all in all, 1. As expected, every excerpt, hint, and thing we've thought about it over in one-two chapters, 2. This is going to hurt so bad and I think it will go as I expected, and 3. I'm still not ready 😭

Send help 🥺

[the-rebel-archivist]

Finally finished Veilguard a few days ago and took some time to process and put my thoughts in order. In brief: 8/10 game as a whole, a really fantastic gaming experience, but 5 or even 4/10 as a dragon age game since it does no meaningful exploration of any nuance or moral complexity and seems to have forgotten what made Thedas distinct. My thoughts, critical and positive, coming from a place of love for the series with little to no spoilers:

Thedas has always been special to me because it was a nuanced world. Different groups had different opinions based on their pasts. City elves and the dalish had divergent histories. Injustice against magic was common, but you could understand the justification for it even when you didn’t agree. Now, the worldbuilding is flattened. A mageocracy is fine, it’s only bad apples. Slavery is never addressed. City and dalish elves are basically the same but one lives in the forest. There’s no conflict about what’s best from each individuals’ perception, all groups are monoliths.

“Elves won’t follow the gods just because they’re elves,” yes they would, in past lore. Perhaps not all but some would - these are their Creators. The game refuses to deal with religious belief in any meaningful way, to the point that I don't know if its impact is fully understood. Dalish religion is as much about cultural preservation as religion and it would be CRUSHING to lose that connection to the past when it had been all you could cling to for thousands of years.

And no, seeking out relics of Arlathan would not make up for the foundation of your society shattering and what that would mean to the dalish. Bellara being guilty that her gods are evil is not the takeaway I expected when I thought the dalish would explore that everything they believed was a lie. I'd also like to briefly comment on how an elf can comment that they weren’t raised dalish but adopted their tattoos. Their closed practice tattoos. Closed even to city elves unless they fully joined a clan. Removing cultural boundaries didn’t make the material less 'problematic', it just created a new blind spot.

“They’d never sanitize the Crows” I said before release. Assassins who walked the line between murderer and hero depending on perspective. But in this game they give you absolute truth: they’re freedom fighters. Responsible government who, the mob is benevolent and that is never subverted. They see themselves as the 'good guys' and so they are.

“They wouldn’t put powerful mages in charge of the shadow dragons” I said. “Surely they will explore the nuance of Neve having the privilege of magic in a mageocracy even when she comes from a lower class beyond ‘everyone is welcome in the shadow dragons’.” “Surely if Maevaris is connected her intersectionality as a magister and altus and trans woman will come up - not what Tevinter expects, helping with change, but still privileged and upper class. Surely low class non mages and slaves would be leading the Shadow Dragons, not the powerful being benevolent.”

But no. All factions in the game are black and white, good and evil, no moral complexity. The bad people want power and collect bad people who want power and only bad people do bad things. The antagonists I liked most were the ones with a motivation beyond simply power and they were few.

And that’s setting aside the fact that all of the mystery and fantasy was removed from the setting by the end. The things that mattered before, the religious conflicts, the approaches to history? All false or meaningless now that we know absolute truth. Everything that set Dragon Age apart from generic fantasy was flattened. All of the lore for the world that I had spent hours, days, years in and creating fanfic for became simple groups of good and bad, subjectivity replaced by objective truth. It’s not a world I want to unravel and explore anymore.

That hurts more than the slap in the face that was every cameo and past reference. If they wanted a soft reboot, why include them at all? Every time I saw or heard about a past character or event I felt hurt and angry and it actively harmed my experience of the game. When the choices are pared down to only do something "meaningful" with them and then that meaningful thing is a codex that had been so disdained in dev comments? I do feel pretty let down. Especially when that codex isn’t even personalized.

They never use Rook or the inquisitor’s first name in text once. Vocal I get, but no codex? The Inquisitor, a person depersonalized into a symbol, signing off “Yrs. The Inquisitor” when we input their name in CC was a twist of the knife I didn’t expect. It’s like every time I lower my expectations to grant grace they need to be lowered yet again.

Similarly, the romances in the “most romantic game yet” are paper thin throughout the game depending on your choice, with few chances to truly connect on an emotional level and have deep conversations in some routes. It’s not all about kissing but having the chance to say how you feel, or try to.

But that’s part of a larger problem, that this is a “found family” but Rook is the outsider in it. Rook isn’t asked how they’re handling things or about who they are or what they want except by Solas. The team needs them to fix problems but has little interest in giving back. The companions are lovely, but I can’t help wishing they were friends with me and not just each other. Or wanted to romance me and not just each other, as they begin to flirt before I can and have more banter comments than the player romance. At least if no one got me I know Davrin got me.

These last comments are the reason it’s 8/10 as a game rather than 10/10 for me - the lore I care about but others won’t. The lack of connection is a genuine issue, along with how unbalanced it is depending on romance. I just feel sad at the lost potential to reflect and gain support from companions.

On a positive note, this is the most fun Dragon Age game I’ve ever played. The gameplay is top notch and combat is so fluid and fun. I felt excited to fight rather than dreading the next battle. Really getting into the roleplay of a slippery rogue

The environments are so gorgeous. Lighting, animation, level design, sound design, all spectacular. I’m bad with maps and yet I never got lost and always managed to find my way around. Secret passages to treasure were just the right length to be satisfying. The puzzles were exactly the right amount of investment for the reward. I never felt frustrated by them but also not disappointed by the simple ones, there was a good balance. I had a lot of fun uncovering them. So many areas looked like a perfect representation of thedosian places I had never been to and wanted to visit.

Every time I was in the necropolis it felt like coming home. Maybe it’s because the lore was the most similar to past lore, maybe it’s just because it was cool, but I loved being there. I loved the wisps most of all. And I loved Emmrich’s journey and sympathetic exploration of death. The Hossberg Wetlands were also a standout area. Absolutely horrible (complimentary). Evka and Antoine my beloveds and the environment storytelling was fantastic. Like a hideous combination of the Fallow Mire and Chateau d’Onterre and I was so there for it. Davrin’s story broke my last flight loving heart.

The set pieces and narrative flow in the major battles and main story missions is really wonderful. I also did enjoy the faction reactivity, even if there were few chances to explore the intersectionality of being a particular lineage with a particular faction. I’ll make our House proud Viago!

It’s such a fun game that when I play I can almost forget all of the things that I dislike until a codex or cameo punches me in the face. It has such great gameplay that I can finally discuss DA with my partner who refused to play the other games in the series. But what a monkey’s paw. I know from their previous work that they can foster nuance. From the art book that their instincts were there from the beginning. But somewhere after multiple reboots they made a world with contradiction and complexity removed, more reactive to fan discourse than to telling a complex narrative.

It kills me because if the nuance and subjectivity and moral complexity had been there, I would have considered this the best Dragon Age game ever made. It will always be the most fun. But it is legitimately more fun for people who don’t know lore than people who do, and that is soul-crushing. It's the most beautiful Thedas has ever been, and the least like Thedas it has ever felt.

I’ve played it once. I already started a replay. I enjoy the game a lot when I am playing it, overall. But I miss Thedas, and I miss that the “world worth saving” that I cared for is a slate wiped clean and this new world is a more simplistic place.

[jnw1813]

"You."

The happy/good 'ending'.

Rolling over, the bed springs creaked and adjusted under your weight as you got comfy all over again, eyes still glued to the pages in front of you. Eyes tracing the words, you were completely sucked into the book you were reading, not reacting as the bedroom door opened, your husband stepping inside.

Glancing around, Conquest huffs as he spots the large stack of books on your bedside table, all showing signs of being thoroughly read. Of course, he thinks, amused. He kneels on the edge of the bed, crawling on top of you.

“Hello, pumpkin’.” He murmurs into your ear, kissing right under it. “I see you've been busy.” He says, glancing at the page, reading a few sentences before scoffing.

“Really, doll? Another shitty romance novel?” He teases, avoiding your playful swat despite the fact it wouldn't have stung even for a moment. He chuckles, giving you a big ol’ smooch to apologise for his ‘insult’.

“It's not shitty.” You mumble, distracted; it makes Conquest roll his eyes fondly, laying his weight on top of you, knowing you've always enjoyed it.

 

He hums, watching you read, gaze unwavering, tender, mind wandering as he just… watched you.

106. He thought. One hundred and six years old. And you don't look a day over thirty.

When he first met you, he'd known how insignificant your lifespan was compared to his. He knew he'd outlive you, and thought he'd be fine with it. And at first, he was.

He hadn't loved you at that point, hadn't been softened, moulded into something new, hadn't become Love or Hun yet; he was still Conquest, feared and unwanted, and you were just a distraction, a reward for all his previous jobs, a pet.

But then he went and fell in love, and the knowledge that each and every day was one day closer to the day you died– to him losing you– crushed him inside.

You weren't just a reward to him, then, not a well taken care of pet he'd show off and briefly mourn before moving on. No, you were his spouse, his partner, the one who birthed his children, the one he'd spent many glorious years with.

And he could've lost you.

But then Conquest had already made his decision, had already decided which side he'd fight for. When he went to the GDA, and later the Coalition of Planets, he made his terms very clear: if they found a way to extend your lifespan to match his, he'd join them.

One would think he'd struggle over such a decision, but he found it to be easy. You were his lover. How could he choose his people who were practically strangers to him, who never cared or spoke to him or congratulated him on a job well done–

or wished him a happy birthday, or made him his favourite meals randomly because “You looked like you needed it”, or massaged his aching stump, or bathed with him, made love to him, cared for him

– over you?

His darlin’.

No, the decision was quite easy. And they came through, finding a way to tie your lifespan to his through arcane means. As a general rule, Viltrumites didn't mess with magic or mystic stuff or whatever you wanted to call it; his kind considered it cheating half the time and utter bullshit the rest of the time.

But in this case, he was thankful for it.

Now you'd live the rest of your life with him. The oldest a Viltrumite could get was actually unknown, the longest recorded age being 11,000, but who knows? Maybe Conquest would live beyond that. Or not, that was fine too. Even if he only lived a thousand more years, he'd be happy, because they'd be spent with you.

As you finished another chapter, you yelped as Conquest abruptly yanked the book away.

“Babe!” You yelled, shocked.

With a grunt, he marked the page and chucked the book aside. “Enough reading, pumpkin.” He says, grabbing you and throwing you over his shoulder, giving your ass a playful smack. “Don't tell me you plan to spend the rest of your life reading badly written books? And here I thought you'd want to spend it with me.”

You huffed as he carried you out of your bedroom and down the hall of his personal (space) ship, the interior mostly the same as your old earth home.

(Which was still around, don't worry. It's just that the ship was bigger and could travel, which was perfect for your family.)

“No. But I'm practically immortal now! How can I not try and read every book there is? Ooh– or watch every show or movie…” You sounded giddy at the very thought, and how could you not be? You'd live longer than any human on earth before you– well maybe except the Immortal– which meant you could do so much more than you ever could in your previous lifespan.

As he carried you towards the ship's greenhouse, Conquest chuckled, shaking his head fondly.

“Save some things for us to do together, darlin’.” He chides playfully, setting you down as he enters the slightly humid room, some of the more sentient plants reaching for you already. He gives them a sharp look, watching them wither slightly under the weight of his glare.

Giving your husband a look, you smile. “Oh, don't be silly. There's an infinite amount of things for us to do together! Hell, I could even read to you from my books!” You offer, fighting a laugh at the way he grimaces.

“... if you insist.” He sighs, not really enjoying those romance books you liked, but for you? He'd do it. Especially since you loved it when he read to you. The way you complimented his voice more than made up for any cringe worthy dialogue and nonsensical character decisions.

Grinning, you gave your husband a kiss on the cheek and went to put your gloves on, missing his fond look.

Conquest really won the lottery with you, didn't he?

And now he had thousands of years to get his fill of you. Yeah, he really was lucky.

[savannagonemad]

at the end of the rainbow

~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~

fluff ✨

se-mi x fem!reader

💫 soulmate au where everyone is colorblind until they meet their soulmate in-person 💫

wordcount: 1.9k

author's note: my first ever shot at writing a soulmate au! i really love this idea and i hope i did it justice. soulmate au ideas/requests are also on the table now so please send them my way if you have them!! ✨ also thank you lovelies for 250 total likes on my blog! it inspires me to keep writing! that's enough rambling, enjoy the story!! 💚💚

~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~

you let out a sigh as you looked down at your computer. the dull, grey screen stared back at you.

you were unlucky. people usually met their soulmates early in their life, at schools or other places with large gatherings. it was an amazing thing to watch happen, and envied that the people around you could see color while you couldn't every time.

by now, you were well beyond the age when people usually met their soulmates. you were in college, and only 10% of people made it this far without their soulmate.

your heart hurt. what if your soulmate had died or lived overseas or something?

a notification ping from your computer pulled you out of your thoughts. it was a new message from your long-distance friend se-mi. you had met her online one day and the two of you really hit it off, and now you messaged every day. you clicked onto the message.

"hi y/n"

the typing indicator popped up for a moment before a new message came through.

"i'm bored, wanna call?"

it's not like you had anything better to do. you typed back a quick "sure" and soon enough, a call came through on your phone. you hit the join button.

"hiiii," se-mi's voice came through the speaker. you sat back in your chair and smiled, forgetting about your soulmate issues for now. for some strange reason, se-mi's voice always calmed you down.

"hey sem," you replied affectionately.

"guess what?" se-mi said almost instantly. something must have gotten her excited; she was usually much calmer than this.

"what's up?" you asked, curious.

you could almost feel her excitement through the phone. she didn't speak for a few moments to build the anticipation.

"i got accepted into your college!" she finally exclaimed. you paused, not sure that you heard correctly.

"...what?" you asked, your heart beginning to race. se-mi repeated what she said, and then dropped another bomb.

"i'm flying out there tomorrow!" se-mi said, causing a rush of excitement to hit you.

"sem! why didn't you tell me this earlier?!" you asked. you couldn't hide the smile on your face. you were finally going to see your friend after all this time!

"i wanted it to be a surprise~!" se-mi hummed. you could tell she was proud of herself for surprising you like this.

the two of you talked for a few more minutes. you agreed to meet at a local restaurant once she got into the area. you set a time together and talked about logistics for a little while longer until se-mi told you she had to go pack. you said your goodbyes and hung up.

it wasn't as good as finding your soulmate, but at least you'd get the chance to meet someone you were friends with.

you spent the rest of the day thinking about the upcoming meeting. you couldn't believe that the person you had known online for years was going to be attending your school! you had been a bit lonely lately so having a friend around like this would make things easier as well.

you turned on your phone and texted your mutual friend ji-yeong about it. ji-yeong went to the school already - in fact, you had met her there - but was quite busy since she was taking honors classes. the two of you barely had time to hang out due to scheduling issues. you introduced ji-yeong to se-mi online about a year ago and the two of them kept in on-and-off communication.

soon enough, ji-yeong's response came back.

"omg!!"

ji-yeong sent you about four hundred twenty-seven more identical texts. she had always been quick to become excited. you were going to text her back to ask her to stop nuking your phone when a new text came through, followed by three more.

"can i come with??"

"please"

"please"

"please"

you quickly texted back "yeah sure" just so she wouldn't use all your data. your plan backfired when she sent you eighty-five more texts celebrating that you'd let her come with.

you rolled your eyes and muted the conversation for an hour. hopefully she'd be done freaking out by then. you went back to your classwork, wanting to get everything done today so you could have tomorrow off. before you knew it, the day had passed, you had slept, and it was time to meet up with se-mi.

"ji-yeong, come on," you called out, knocking at her dorm door.

"one second! gosh," she replied, causing you to knock at the door harder. she had asked for "one second" half an hour ago.

finally, she came out, ready to go.

"took you long enough," you teased as the two of you began walking to the restaurant where you would meet up with your friend. your phone dinged before ji-yeong could reply. it was a text from se-mi.

"i'll be a bit late, traffic. start without me"

you texted back a simple "okay" and kept walking. you and ji-yeong caught up with each other as you walked, getting each other up to date. before you knew it, you had arrived at the restaurant. you and ji-yeong followed the server back to a table and placed your drink orders.

ji-yeong was rambling about something that you weren't paying too much attention to when an excited shriek rang out through the restaurant. you flinched and turned to see what happened.

two people had seen each other and were studying the world around them in awe, holding hands.

"hm, looks like they're soulmates," ji-yeong commented nonchalantly.

you remembered ji-yeong telling you she had seen tons of people find their soulmates at the school she went to before college, so the sight wasn't anything new to her.

you watched happily and enviously as the newly formed couple's world burst into color. you sighed, which ji-yeong noticed.

"don't get too disheartened. i haven't found mine yet either," ji-yeong said dismissively. she had taken the mentality of "if it happens it happens" which was a mindset you wished you could have.

"i just wonder what it's like," you said. ji-yeong tilted her head at you, prompting you to elaborate. "to see color, i mean."

"i figure it's a lot less grey," she joked. you grinned at that. somehow she knew exactly what to say.

the server came back, applauded the new couple for finding each other, then came to your table to take your order, dropping off your drinks. you and ji-yeong ordered your food and kept talking while you were periodically scanning for se-mi. apparently she had been caught in quite a lot of traffic.

the server brought back your food pretty quickly. you and ji-yeong began eating. after a few minutes, you sighed, looking down at your food. you reached for it to take another bite, but someone else's hand swooped in, stealing it from you.

"hey!" you complained, looking up to the perpetrator.

"you don't mind if i have this too, right?" se-mi's voice came from above. you looked up and saw that she had already eaten the food she just stole. she looked down at you, grinning.

you also saw something else. both you and se-mi froze, and you immediately forgot about the theft that just took place.

"sem, what is wrong with your eyes?" you asked, standing up to get a better view. her grey eyes were developing a brown shade.

"there's nothing wrong with my eyes? what's up with yours??" se-mi retorted, leaning in, blinking a few times. to her, your eyes were becoming a shade of lighter black.

ji-yeong gasped loudly and pressed a hand to her mouth as she figured out what was happening. she whipped out her phone and began recording. other customers at the restaurant turned to look at what all the commotion was about.

you and se-mi stared into each other's eyes for a few moments, trying to figure out what was going on. suddenly, the environment around you lit up with color, the new sight drawing tears to your eyes. you could see everything. se-mi's green clothing, her pale skin, the blush that had found its way to her face.

"you're... you're my soulmate," you breathed, looking around you with wonder at the beauty you had never seen before. a thousand emotions raced through you and you didn't know what to do with any of them.

"y/n, i never thought... it all makes so much sense," se-mi replied, quickly pulling you into a hug. the nearby customers applauded as your souls found each other. ji-yeong was cheering in the background.

"i'm never leaving you, so help me god," you whispered to her. you returned the hug, holding her close. you felt extremely protective of se-mi all of a sudden.

you hugged for a few more moments before se-mi made you sit down at the table. she sat next to you, pulling you against her.

"cmon, the food is getting cold," she said. you rested your head on her shoulder as you resumed eating, trying to ignore ji-yeong's billion questions.

you found yourself infatuated with the ketchup on the table. it was so vibrantly red. you decided you liked colors. se-mi's clothes were a perfect shade of green. se-mi was warm. you pressed closer against her, wanting to be as close to her as possible.

se-mi was also looking down at you with admiration, though she was hiding her feelings a lot better than you were. her hand found yours under the table and she held onto it tightly.

after what felt like an eternity, you had finished your food. you held onto se-mi's arm while ji-yeong stared at both of you with admiration. you couldn't believe se-mi was so calm. you wanted to scream and make the whole world aware that se-mi was your soulmate. eventually, your impatience got the better of you and you stood up, dragging se-mi out of her seat. she stood close to you, holding onto your shoulder.

"we'll be right back, ji-yeong. we need a moment because i seriously think waiting another eight seconds will kill me right here," you rushed out. you pulled se-mi outside of the restaurant before ji-yeong could even process your words. there was nobody outside, perfect.

you turned to face your soulmate, looking up at her. you were stricken with a loss for words as you caught a glimpse of the vibrancy of a nearby tree. se-mi looked down at you, smiling and saying nothing, her body language saying more than enough.

"sem, i- i don't-" you started. se-mi pressed her finger to your mouth, shushing you.

"don't say anything, hm?" she said, dragging her finger down your face to your chin. she tilted your head up to look at her.

the next instant, she leaned down, closed her eyes, and pressed her lips against yours. you felt an immediate sense of peace as you kissed back, your hands finding their way to her shoulders as she placed a hand behind your head to pull you in deeper. all your worries were gone as you kissed se-mi, the only thing that mattered to you now was her.

after a couple moments, she broke the kiss, getting a whine out of you.

"i'll kiss you more later, yeah? don't worry," she reassured you. you nodded, holding onto her arm protectively again.

the two of you returned back to your table with ji-yeong, holding hands under the table. you settled against her while she held you, letting out a sigh of relief and happiness.

it goes without saying that you were extremely grateful to have met se-mi.

~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~💚💚💚~~~

edit: part two to this fic is out now! ✨ click here to read it! ✨

[chososchalupa]

PLS PLS MORE MEAN MEGUMI SMUT OMG IM SHHSDXI

ahhh, ofc!! Mean Megumi is my absolute fav. Disclaimer that I am new to writing smut so i’m so sorry if this is awful 😭

Partners / Megumi Fushiguro

MDNI 18+

Warnings,,, Aged up! Megumi x F!Reader, OOC, blackmail, name calling, slapping, not proofread 🥹 NSFW under cut‼️

WC - 1.4K

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

Being paired with Megumi Fushiguro for the end of the year project may not have seemed like an issue for most people, in fact, you’d guess most girls would love to be partnered with the black haired, green eyed boy. You on the other hand, were less than pleased. You’ve known Megumi since the beginning of high school as you were both in the same friend group. It seemed as though you were the only person to see the true Megumi; the constant belittling, the blackmail and the “innocent” pranks as your common friends would call them, but you knew too well that there was nothing innocent about Megumi.

“So,” the boy turned around as the teacher finished announcing the partners for the upcoming project, “Want to meet in my dorm after class? We can start early”

You nodded your head, not bothering to look up from the paper you were doodling on.

Megumi huffed at your answer before grabbing the piece of paper from beneath your pencil, “I said, Want to meet in my dorm after class?”

You rolled your eyes at his childish behavior, “Whatver you want, Megumi. Can i have that back now?”

Megumi smiled as he threw the crumpled paper back onto your desk, “See you after class”

༘⋆

As you walked into Megumis dorm, you were greeted with the soft sound of a shower running. You looked around the room and noticed Megumi was nowhere to be seen.

“I’ll be out in a sec!”

You heard a voice yell from the connected bathroom. You didn’t respond as you sat on his bed, pulling your computer out from your backpack. Megumi walked out only a few second later, wearing only a pair of grey sweatpants. Your eyes wandered over his body, he was a pretty attractive person if you ignored his asshole personality. Sparkling green eyes, dark black hair and a body that some would only wish to have.

“Eyes up here, sweetheart” he laughed as you regained your focus and locked eyes.

“Sorry, I must have spaced out” you replied, darting your eyes back down your computer.

“Right..” he laughed as he sat at his desk beside the bed. “I was thinking we could both do some research and then compare notes and then we can go from there?”

You nodded as you looked over towards him, “Sounds good to me”

The two of you spent the next hour researching your topic before Megumi threw his head back, “I am beyond bored” he mumbled.

You didn’t respond as your eyes glanced over his body, stopping at the slight bulge in his pants that was far more noticeable now that he had leaned his body back against the chair, spreading his legs as he continued complaining.

You didn’t notice when he finally finished his sentence, too entranced to realize Megumi had been watching you stare at him with a look of amusement in his eyes.

“Like what you see?” he asked, “I always thought you had a crush on me”

“Huh?” You responded, peeling your eyes from him once again, “I honestly can’t stand you. You’re bossy, rude and extremely arrogant”

“Is that really what you think of me?” he asked, standing from the chair as he walked over to where you were on his bed

“It is” you responded, slowly moving back as he sat beside you.

“Show me how much you dislike me then” he smirked, grabbing the back of your head and crashing his lips onto yours.

Once you got over the shock of what was happening, you kissed back. The kiss was slow at first, his warm hands making their way down your body as he deepened the kiss. His hands moving to your chest as he removed your shirt and bra, taking your nipple between his fingers to twist and pinch. A soft moan escaped your lips as he continued massaging your breast. He took advantage of the opening in your mouth and quickly slipped his tongue in.

The two of you continued the kiss as you slowly undressed, leaving you both completely nude as he pulled away with a smile. Your heart was racing as you looked down at his hardened cock, he was so big. There was no way he was going to fit inside you, but the thought of him trying had you clenching around nothing.

He noticed the slight fear in your eyes and chuckled, “We’ll go slow”.

You nodded as you leaned up to kiss him again, he happily accepted and slowly leaned you back against his pillows. You felt his hands move down your body, a soft smile appearing on his lips as he felt your dripping core, “You’re so wet just for me” he spoke as he broke the kiss.

Before you could respond, Megumi shoved two fingers in at once, causing you to moan loudly at the sudden stimulation. He continued pumping his fingers in and out of you as he kissed and bit all over your body, covering you in dark purple and red love bites.

“God, you’re just sucking my fingers in” he moaned as he looked back up at your face.

“Such a good girl” he spoke as he removed his fingers and lined his length up with your entrance.

“Go slow” you whispered

Megumi gave a quick glance back to your face, eyes full of lust as he smiled wickedly.

“You can take it” he responded before quickly shoving his cock into your leaking hole. You moaned loudly at his actions, one part from pain and the other from pleasure. Your hands quickly found their way to his back, digging your nails in as he pounded into you.

“Such a good fucking slut” he spoke, slapping you across the face before squishing your cheeks together with his hand. “You take me so well. This may be the only thing you’re fucking good for”

His words caused tears to fill your eyes as he continued, “Awe, are you going to cry? Am i being too rough? A whore like you should be able to take this. I’m going so easy on you”

You blinked slowly, letting the tears drip down your cheeks. Although his words were hurting you, the pleasure he was giving was more than enough to make up for the harsh words. You felt your core tighten as you got closer to your release, “I’m so close, ‘gumi. Please”

Megumi smirked at your words, kissing you again before pulling out and flipping you over onto your stomach. You arched your back, desperate for him to continue fucking you. When the feeling never came, you looked behind you to see him tossing his phone to the side.

“Am i taking too long?” he asked, before slowly inching himself back inside you. “So needy”

As Megumi thrusted in and out of you, he wrapped his arms around your stomach, slowly rubbing your clit as the knot in your stomach grew tighter and tighter.

“Megumi, i’m going to cum” you moaned as he relentlessly pounded into you.

“Cum for me. Show me how good i’m making you feel”

As he finished speaking, the knot finally snapped as you came around Megumis length, tightening around him.

“Fuck,” He moaned, “I’m cumming” and with that, he slammed himself deep inside you making sure nothing would drip out as he slowly pulled out of you.

༘⋆

The two of you laid on the bed in silence as you caught your breath,

“That was a good way to cure my bordem” he laughed

“Yeah, We should probably get back to the project now though” you replied as you looked at the time on your phone.

“You mean, you should get back to the project now”

You looked over at Megumi confused as he had a smile on his face.

“Unlessss, you want this spread around the school” he laughed as he waved his phone in front of your face.

A picture of you, back arched as you waited for Megumi was on the screen.

“Delete that!” you gasped as you reached for the phone, only for him to pull it away quickly.

“I will, I will. As long as you complete this project for us AND get us a good grade” he smiled as got off the bed.

He walked to his desk and grabbed the paper he had taken notes on earlier.

“Here’s my half. You got it from here?” he asked, as he handed you the paper that was less than halfway filled.

You rolled your eyes at his remark, “I really can’t stand you”

༘⋆

The day the project was due came two days later and as expected, you received an ‘A’ on yours and Megumis project. As you received the paper with your grades, Megumi spun around in his chair.

“You really are the best partner. We should work together again sometime”

[koiiiji]

Hi hun. May I ask a date scenario with Monster? There are not enough content about him😔. I feel like most of people choose the "socially beauty standards fitting" mens and it makes me mad even though it's never their fault to begin with, people are allowed to have their preference ofc😭. A person even got ridiculed for asking a NSFW scenario with him in wattpad "seriously, there is people who want to f with this guy?", like damn that's too offensive😭.

omg!! i never got the idea why people in fandoms judging others for characters choice?? like guuurl just remember that once u picked ur ex and don’t mention that somebody ACTUALLY wanna fuck big (of course i mean his heart) hot men. and yesss 100% agree Monster deserve much more attention. his interaction with his teammate in last chapters?? sorry? hubby materials??? aaand i wanted to check his age on wiki but it display only his date of birth and omg!!! he is february pisces like me!!!

warnings : none, romance, fluff, you are clearly not friends, but still not a couple, everyday life

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

you and Monster met in same class in university when it was first day of the semester. you two accidently seat together and when teacher started to read materials to the group, everybody started to type in their laptops so fast that poor boy were so confused. in the end of lecture you noticed that he barely wrote anything and clearly was confused to ask someone for leacture notes. so you kindly offered him your texts and asked to exchanges your emails, so you could easily send notes to him.

in the evening Monster recieved notification about incoming file. when he opened it he saw your texts from lecture and bull emoji added in the end (which you swear you put there unintentionally, just because he reminded you that cute emoji). he spent solid 15 minutes to upload notes to his laptop and another 10 minutes to write an answer to you and ask if you can teach him how to type that fast and how to insert that emojis in his works. in fact, this response looked more like an order than a request. imagine sitting at home, comfortably ensconced at a table, watching some kind of TV series, or preparing for the next day and getting an answer that looks like "hello. thanks for the notes. teach me how to type that fast. and how to insert such picture? thank you."

"such a technologically challenged granny," you thought to yourself as you chuckled looking in the monitor.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

so here you two were, sitting in café not really far from university on your 4th or 5th private IT lesson with Monster. you sit near each other and your shoulders nearly touched. Monster carefully listend to what you explained to him and showed on his keyboard. it was already five pm and golden light on sunset filled to café you two set in. and when he rose his eyes from your fingers on his keybord to your face he felt how his breath stopped. like he was on football field again, someone knocked him off and his breath got lost. your face was filled with golden light, the hair reflected the light of the setting sun even more strongly, and it seemed as if it was glowing. and then he made the greatest mistake, he turned his gaze lower to your lips… he didn’t hear what you told him, he simply was hypnotized and admired the view that opened before him.

as the golden hour bathed the café in a warm glow, the atmosphere between you two seemed to shift. Monster's gaze lingered on your lips for a moment too long, but when he finally looked back into your eyes, there was a spark of recognition, a shared understanding of something unspoken. with a smile, you gently redirected the conversation back to the task at hand, but there was a newfound connection between you.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

over the following weeks, your IT lessons together evolved into something more than just exchanging technical knowledge. you found yourselves sharing personal stories, laughing at inside jokes, and discovering common interests beyond the classroom. for example he asked if you want to came to his cycling competition, just to have a look of course, not like he wanted to show off.

as the semester progressed, so did your friendship. you attended more classes together, studied late nights at the library, and you even went on that cycling competition few times to cheer for him, which also mean that you met his friends and teammates. during one race you had a talk with Monster's friend - Gyuchan. "so you and Deokbong, huh?" - he asked looking down on you. in respond you looked away and blushed. you two clearly have something in between, but never talked about. "uuh, yeah, we are good friends, i help him with all that computer stuff, and we hang out sometimes, you know?" - nervously, your eyes searched something to focus on. Gyuchan just mumbled something, nod with his head and looked up on a monitor where race been translated.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

your friendship seemed to have reached a peak, or Monster lost his nerves, and one evening, when all the exams were passed, before the start of the summer holidays, once again escorting you home, he took a deep breath into his lungs and chattered quietly, "wouldyouliketogoonadatewithme?”

when you heard his words, you had almost opened the door, and immediately froze in disbelief. turning around, you rushed to him, and hugged him as tightly as possible, burying your face in his broad chest. "you're such a silly Deok!! why you needed to wait all that year?!!” - you could feel how your voice and whole body trembled and then his big, warm hands on your back and waist, gently rubbing you. “sorry..that i made you wait..” - he replied, after a little thought and in his usual, gentle tone.

looking up at him with your eyes, almost bursting into tears, you said “of course i will go on a date with you, silly Monster” - and he smiled at you for that nickname.

you spent another hour together, hugging and talking, sharing the ideas for your first date, until you finally chose the place and activity you wanted to do together. honestly you were surprised how you didn’t know that Deok had a skill with sewing, but you were excited to go with him to his classes, and finally he will teach you, something he were prof in.(something less traumatic then professional cycling race)

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

the date day was truly wonderful, it was hot, but the cool breeze made it a little more bearable, there was not a cloud in the sky, and there were almost no people on the streets and in transport, because the holidays began only for students.

you met at the subway exit, and grabbing Monster by the elbow, you pulled him to move quickly, to show you what kind of sewing class he attended. when you were on the threshold of the classroom, you were met by a nice woman, and after greeting Monster, she looked at you with a smile and asked if you were his girlfriend, to which you both looked down, and blushing, Deok nodded silently. the woman chuckled softly and motioned for you to enter.

when teacher showed you how to handle all the materials correctly, she left the two of you at the same desk to help other students. you watched with interest how deftly Deokbong handled the needle, and inspired, you also set to work. and so, you both spent a couple of hours, sometimes asking him for help, talking about some little things or quietly hissing when a needle pricked your fingers. this didn’t go unnoticed by Monster. when you finished your work, and it was time to get ready to leave, you thanked the woman for the lesson, promising to come back again. As soon as the two of you left the room, to your surprise, Deok grabbed your hand and pulled you along without saying a word. "wh... what? where are we going?" you asked, smiling, inspired by his determination. a couple of minutes later, you were near pharmacy, and as he asked you to wait outside, Monster disappeared through the door.

less than 5 minutes later, he appeared again from behind the door, with a small box in his hands. it was band-aids. he took you a little further, onto the bench, and taking your hand began to carefully seal the cuts left by the needle.

it seemed such a simple act of caring, but the warmth from his big, strong hands, so gently holding your fingers, gave you a pleasant warmth in your chest. but then, he bent lower to your hand, and left a light kiss on the phalanges of your fingers, gently stroking them with his hand from the inside.

needless to say that in that day he walked you to your house as usual, and in golden sunset, you shared your first, shy kiss with Deokbong Kim.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

[prissyprince]

Made my ancient Roman senator turned Ventrue, in BG3, cause if I'm totally honest, I can't art good enough to share without anxiety. dfgf But also, seeing everyone and their awesome OCs made me wanna start sharing some of mine. v_v

His story is under the cut.

Warnings: implied abuse and mention of alcohol.

This asshole, currently known as Anton Leunis, was known as Antonius Junius Cruscellio during the tail end of the Roman Empire, and before that, he was a young man from somewhere in West Asia that got sold to a Roman General. The General was quick to tire of him and Antonius joined the army over twenty years, spending most of his time in Persia, before returning to Rome and quickly cosying up to the mother of two of his much more affluent lost comrades, who he had befriended. (read: studied with cold calculated malice.)

He was officially 'adopted' and given an extremely rare privilege of assuming a Patrician's name after worming his way into the family's home and their wealth, all but assuming the role of a new family patriarch, after an already widowed mother of the house lost both of her sons who had served with Antonius, and had petitioned the senate to elevate Antonius' status.

Since then, Antonius spent a lot of time and a considerable amount of his newfound wealth to establish himself in the turbulent politics of Rome, first, as a ruthless Censor, and eventually, as a Senator.

He was nearing his fifties and in failing health (look, man LOVED his wine) when his soon-to-be sire plucked him from a late night revelry, and promised him good health and many more years of prosperity in return for his service, much to (a very drunk) Antonius' amusement. Antonius agreed to the terms, thinking the man was messing with him, and uh, the man was in fact, not messing with him, and wanted 1. a powerful ally for his own schemes. 2. a good teacher for a bunch of whelps he planned to use for said schemes, as well as a tutor for his heir.

Antonius could not keep his office given his newfound condition, but he still had his connections and his wealth, so he wasn't one to complain. As a retired man that had served in the army and in the senate, he was still highly respected and feared, and he spent another decade in Rome, before finally vanishing.

He spent some centuries napping here and there as he grew older and eventually, he also could no longer satisfy himself with the blood of the kine, siring multiple bloodbags for himself every once in a while. (He tends to burn through them. : ) )

Anton never really had that vampire angst. He was pleased to get an extension on his life and he never had qualms about using or hurting people for his own ends; taking their blood was not something he had to come to terms with. He had spilled plenty of it over the years, as a soldier and a politician.

He comes off cold but respectable. He will allow a scholar to browse his extensive libraries, if they ask politely and conduct themselves properly, and he is a gracious host. He has many contacts all over the world and quite a collection of supernatural trinkets, books, and weaponry, amassed over the centuries. But beyond the façade, he is a cutthroat bastard. You cannot fix him. You cannot reason with him once he has made a decision. And he is very hard to kill due to his age and some crimes against nature he has committed a bunch of times. But he is also a privileged Roman man in the depths of his cold dead heart and it's VERY easy to hurt his ego and to make him stop thinking rationally if you manage to do that.

[fellthemarvelous]

Invisible scars

(TW: religious trauma)

Looking at me, you wouldn't know that I've survived religious trauma. The marks of religious trauma are seldom visible. In fact, I had no idea for the longest time that I had religious trauma (I thought it was a thing that happened to other people). I simply spent decades questioning the reasons I felt like I was so broken on in the inside. I kept trying to figure out what I was doing wrong and why I never felt happy or like I was never able to connect to anyone. I had no idea that my experience with the church as a small child is what shaped me into the anxiety-ridden, majorly depressed disaster creature I am today.

I spent 12 years learning inside of Catholic schools. It has taken me more than 20 years to process and deconstruct, and I am always going to be a work in progress. I was brainwashed into believing the very worst about myself, and I was always just beyond saving because I had the misfortune of being a woman in a church that taught us that women experience pain during childbirth as a natural consequence of Eve eating the apple, which is why they enjoy making us suffer in the first place. They taught us that Adam ate the apple because Eve seduced him, so even though Adam also ate the apple, his sin still wasn't as bad as Eve's because she did it first and used sex to get him to do the same. They placed the blame for Original Sin squarely on Eve and thus onto every single girl who entered the church. If a boy did something to me that I didn't like, it's probably because I did something to provoke him first.

Do you know what I learned to do at a very young age just to be able to cope with that?

I learned to use humor to deflect when I was struggling. I smile when I don't want people to know I'm sad. I laugh at inappropriate times, especially when I'm uncomfortable. I learned to bottle up all of my emotions because expressing anything other than happiness is bad. I learned to compartmentalize. I taught myself how to pull out the right emotion for the right occasion because I was always striving to be who I thought everyone else wanted me to be. It was exhausting.

In the midst of all of this, I'm trying to figure out which parts of me are really me and which parts of me are things that were put into my head. If you've experienced indoctrination, you know what I'm talking about. They pulled us apart as small children and placed us in specific boxes and told us that deviating from the norm was bad.

Crowley is a fallen angel. His change from angel to demon is drastic on the outside.

You know he fell and that his wings turned black and he ended up in a pool of boiling sulfur. It's the reason Crowley is so easy to sympathize with. He suffered unfairly because of arbitrary rules that deemed him unforgivable. He's accepted that part of himself. He's clever and creative and it has helped him find ways to get out of doing his job for centuries. Hell doesn't care how jobs get done just as long as someone does them, and at this point humanity is doing more to damn themselves than the demons are able to keep up with. They're tired and overworked. Hell is overpopulated even though it should be infinite in size. Crowley wants no part of that system because he sees it for what it is, just as he sees Heaven for what it is. He has the marks to prove that he is one of the damned, but that has given him all the perspective he needs to see that both sides are fucked up and toxic and "irredeemable" (just like him). He has yet to fully let go of the hold Heaven has over him because of how badly he got hurt.

Aziraphale is still an angel.

He never fell, and he doesn't know why. He has lied to God. He has lied to Gabriel repeatedly. He lies to protect Crowley. He lies to protect humanity.

Remember, Crowley and Aziraphale started off in the same place.

They both started off as angels who were created to do God's bidding. Aziraphale is the one who told Crowley what he'd heard about everything shutting down in 6,000 years. He was simply trying to make conversation. He didn't think it was something Crowley would object to. Angels were just supposed to go along with God's plans, but Crowley had a different opinion and was vocal about it. Where did Aziraphale get his information in the first place? Why does nobody ever ask this question?

Aziraphale knows Heaven is toxic. He's not blind. We need to move past this idea that because he still has love for God that he doesn't know Heaven is fucked up. He never fell, and it's something he still fears because who the hell doesn't fear the thought of eternal torment, especially if you know it's real? God has never cast him out of Heaven though and he doesn't know why. It's probably something that hangs over his head like the Sword of Damocles.

Letting go is not an easy task. Aziraphale has always been an angel. He didn't have his identity ripped from him the same way that Crowley did. Crowley had to adapt to a brand new way of existing because he was cast out of Heaven.

Crowley's trauma is evident on the outside. Aziraphale's trauma is hidden on the inside. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.

Crowley was an angel and then he was a demon, but he doesn't want to be labeled as either.

Aziraphale has only ever known how to be an angel. He's only ever known the ways of Heaven.

I'm only in my early 40s. It has taken me 20+ years to undo 12 years of religious abuse. Aziraphale is immortal. He and Crowley have abandoned their jobs, but four years in the space of millions isn't a lot. No one overcomes indoctrination in four years. Especially when you had millions of years of blind obedience indoctrinated into you. It simply does not work that way no matter how much you want to believe it can.

It has taken me more than two decades to learn how to stop hating myself. I still have no idea how to love myself, but it's something I'm trying to learn.

My entire identity was wrapped up in what the church told me it would be. Once I fully denounced it and all organized religion, I found out I had no idea who I was. No one had prepared me for a life outside of this one very specific identity and role that I was expected to fill based on a very specific box I was placed into.

I still struggle with black and white concepts. It's hard to unlearn when you have no other basis for comparison, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. It means that these changes do not and will not ever happen overnight.

The fall didn't just affect the demons though. It affected the angels as well. Look at how tightly wound the angels are. They're always trying to do the good thing, but they have no idea what that actually means, and you realize this when Uriel asks The Metatron if they had done something wrong. They are scared of making mistakes, but none of them know what they are supposed to be doing since Gabriel disrupted the status quo. You can see they are unsure of themselves and of each other. The concept of free will is so foreign to them, but Aziraphale showed all of them that it was in their grasp when he allowed Gabriel and Beelzebub to decide where to go so they could be together.

It takes a lot of audacity (and sheer ignorance) to dismiss Aziraphale as power-hungry and abusive.

Aziraphale did nothing to punish Gabriel and Beelzebub. He allowed them to leave because they were in love with each other, and he knows what that feels like. He thought he was about to get the same fate with Crowley until The Metatron showed up and refused to take no for an answer.

He doesn't want to fix Heaven because he thinks it's perfect. If he thought it was perfect he wouldn't want to fix it.

Aziraphale is going back into the Lion's Den. He knows what he's going up against. He's been humiliated and belittled and abused by Heaven for thousands of years.

His scars are there even though you can't see them, and he hides his pain with humor and silliness.

When I see people advocating for Aziraphale to suffer even more because they don't think he has suffered enough, I find myself sitting back in one of those classrooms in Catholic school being told that I deserve the bad things that happen to me because I somehow failed to measure up to some impossible metric. The cruelty of that mindset aimed at Aziraphale is kinda the reason Crowley hates Heaven in the first place because he's been there too.

And as someone who is processing religious trauma, it's disheartening to see people say that because Aziraphale has yet to fully let go of Heaven that he deserves harsher treatment. Crowley would definitely not agree with that sentiment.

[lady-embers]

I think a lot of people continuously overlook the GOOD Nesta did during the series and only focus on her "hateful attitude". Sometimes actions show more than words and Nesta is an action girly.

ACOTAR- She tried to protect Feyre in the market. She went after Feyre when Tamlin took her. She essentially told Feyre to go and save Tamlin and not to worry about them. She was ready to marry someone to help have one less mouth to feed for Feyre. She chopped wood for two days in a row.

Also, I think this quote is important from book 1 from Feyre about Nesta:

"I looked at my sister, really looked at her, at this woman who couldn't stomach the sycophants who now surrounded her, who had never spent a day in the forest but had gone into wolf territory.... Who had shrouded the loss of our mother, then our downfall, in icy rage and bitterness, because the anger had been a lifeline, the cruelty a release. But she HAD cared - beneath it, she had cared, and perhaps, loved more fiercely than I could comprehend, more deeply and loyally."

ACOMAF - She wasn't in here much but both her and Elain opened their home to Feyre and the IC for the war purposes when they were taught their whole life to be scared/fear the fae and ended up turned against their will for their efforts which is incredibly traumatic.

ACOWAR - Nesta helped with the Queens and the High Lords. She helped Feyre and the whole Raven attack thingy. She participated in the war and almost died trying to save Cassian and then beheaded Hybern. She then helped tend to the wounded and dieing. She really had no time to sort through her own trauma during this time either since she was looking after comatose Elain and in a place where she didn't want to be.

ACOFAS - We see her drowning in her trauma. She can't even take baths (which Feyre had said in ACOWAR she'd help with as she never thought about how the Cauldron affected them). She is invited to party with rent money held over her head (despite the fact she had a job as human emissary during the war so where is the money promised to her from accepting that job from Rhysand?) While there, Feyre remarks how uncomfortable Nesta is but doesn't both to wonder why, and come to find out fire bothers her because it reminds her of her father's neck snapping RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. Cassian runs after her and even though she wants to be alone she's hounded and is seen as the bad guy for not taking his gift. A gift he proceeds to throw away, like a child, into the water because she didn't take it...At this point she just wanted to be left alone and they kept hounding her and not respecting boundaries she was putting up.

ACOSF - She is still drowning..she is forced into the HOW (feyre said she'd be tied and thrown there essentially so it wasn't really a choice) where she has to walk down 10,000 steps (which she physically/mentally/emotionally could not do so she was essentially a prisoner since no help was offered by feyre and Amren own words and let's not forget those same steps were used as punishment for Rhysand and the bat boys)..she starts training though and finds her own found family in Gwyn and Emerie. She helps the IC multiple times with things in ACOSF to and even saves Rhysand, Feyre, and Nyx very lives. She even says sorry to Feyre and Feyre doesn't hold anything against Nesta, not even telling her about the babies wings because at least she told her. We also find out she tried to write letters to others to help during their poverty times and her boots weren't as new as Feyre made then out to be showing Feyre as an unreliable/biased narrator.

All in all, I wouldn't say Nesta is an absolutely terrible horrible nasty person that is beyond redemption or forgiveness.

She is a woman who has been traumatized from a very young age starting with her mother/grandmother to being turned fae to PTSD from war/her father and doesn't know how to cope so she lashes out (which is a VALID TRAUMATIC RESPONSE) to push others away because she HATES herself more than anyone else does. She knew lashing out was wrong but didn't have the tools/upbringing to know healthy responses. It's really not until Gwyn and Emerie came along and showed her UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that she began to change and learn better and new healthy coping mechanism to let go of the bad ones.

Now, I'm not saying her trauma response was good or acceptable or excusable, but I do think she deserves some grace and compassion given all she's been through herself. Trauma is not a comparison game after all and we all experience and cope differently. Just like these characters.

Artist is Crisol Crowling or crisolcrowling on IG!

[isthatmyjacket-covenofchaossq]

Mini rant incoming because I recently re-watched avengers age of Ultron and this specific thing has been on my mind a lot lately

First of all: this is not a hate post on Bruce. I don't hate him at all! I hate that lazy script that had Nat comparing herself to a monster because she couldn't have kids.

The scene at Clint’s farmhouse in avengers: age of Ultron, where Nat confesses the red room "graduation ceremony" to Bruce, remains one of the most infuriating moments in the MCU to me. Even after all these years and many infuriating scenes later.

It’s not just that Natasha calls herself a monster for something that wasn’t her fault, it’s that this moment reveals just how profoundly lonely and broken she feels, and how desperate she is to prove to herself that she deserves love and goodness.

Natasha spent her entire life fighting to redeem herself. After breaking free of the red room’s control, she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. to atone for the blood on her hands.

But no matter how many people she saved, no matter how many heroic deeds she did, she never truly believed she was worthy: her ledger was too red, her past too dark, and she carried that guilt with her in everything she did.

When she opened up to Bruce in this scene, it wasn’t just about her trauma; it was a moment of vulnerability from someone who had spent years hiding behind walls.

The tragedy is that Natasha genuinely believed she was unlovable. She compared herself to Bruce, a man literally transformed into a destructive green giant, because she thought only a monster could love someone like her.

That belief is devastating (especially for those of us who have Nat as one of their fav characters and love her so much), not just because it’s so untrue, but because it speaks to how deeply her past still haunted her. Natasha didn’t see herself as a hero, a protector, or even a survivor, she saw herself as broken beyond repair.

And that’s what makes this scene so frustrating. It’s not that Natasha was wrong to feel pain or to carry the weight of her past; those feelings are part of what make her human.

It’s the way the movie framed her sterilization as the crux of her pain, as if the inability to have children was what made her feel monstrous. That completely misses the point of Natasha’s trauma.

What truly defined her pain was the violation of her autonomy. The red room didn’t just take away her ability to have children; it took away her choices, her agency, her right to decide the kind of person she wanted to be. That’s the real tragedy of Natasha’s story, and it’s what makes her survival and redemption so extraordinary.

The fact that Nat felt the need to compare herself to Bruce/Hulk shows just how isolated she felt, even among the Avengers.

She was desperate for connection, for someone who could understand the darkness she carried. But in trying to connect with Bruce, she reduced her own trauma into something it wasn’t, framing herself as a monster when in reality, she was anything but.

Nat wasn’t defined by what the red room took from her: she was defined by how she fought back.

Natasha’s desperation in this scene highlights another layer of her character: she wanted so badly to prove she was a good person, to believe that she deserved love and happiness. That’s why she was willing to open up to Bruce in the first place.

But the movie fumbled this moment by framing her confession as though her inability to have children was the defining measure of her worth.

Yes, we all know how much Nat wanted to be a mom, but not being able to for something that wasn't her fault and using this to compare herself to Bruce and call herself a monster was bullshit.

It was reductive and dismissive of who Natasha really was: a woman who had spent her entire life fighting to reclaim her identity and prove she was more than what the red room tried to make her.

Nat was no monster. She was a protector, a fighter, and a survivor. She was the one who stayed behind when others walked away.

She fought for people who couldn’t fight for themselves, for Clint and even Wanda, to the entire world. She carried her trauma with her, yes, but she also carried a fierce loyalty and compassion for the people she loved.

The fact that she couldn’t see her own worth in that moment speaks to how deeply her past scarred her, but it doesn’t define who she was.

Nat deserved better. SO MUCH BETTER. She deserved to see herself as the hero she was, not as a monster shaped by her trauma. And she deserved to have a story that honored her resilience, instead of reducing her pain to a single, misguided moment of self-loathing.

I'm sorry if I repeated myself in a few points, but this shit pisses me off too much

[it-happened-one-fic]

Hours in the Moonlight: Somnolent Gloaming - 9. Strange Characters

Summary: As if Malleus weren’t odd enough, there was Lilia. Someone whom you honestly couldn’t decide if he was on your side or not. In fact, the only things you were confident about, was that he was ancient and that he cared about Malleus, Sebek, and Silver deeply.

Series Type: Gender-neutral reader/ Vampire AU/ series/ romantic/ angst/ angst with comfort/ fluff/ sfw/ platonic interactions too!

Trigger Warning: Vampire

Word Count: 1268

Hours in the Moonlight Master-List

I stretched, yawning slightly as I walked through the hallways of the Diasomnia clan. I’d decided to take a slight break from reading since, as things currently stood, I was getting nowhere.

So far, from what I’d seen, there were no real records about any influx in crazed vampires or vampire attacks that matched the current numbers, which implied that I was currently investigating an unprecedented event.

A rather unpleasant thought considering I had really been hoping I’d get the easy route of this whole mess via old records detailing some sort of historical occurrence along with its causes.

I heard a slight sound and looked over to see Lilia slipping up alongside me with a smile on his face. 

I hadn’t heard the man’s approach, but somehow that didn’t surprise me. There was something odd about Lilia after all. 

Though, to be fair, I’d had very few interactions with him.

 “Are you tired, little one?” His voice was filled with slight humor and distinct warmth that a small part of me wanted to question.

I opted against it, though. Instead, I just shrugged with a slight smile at the short man who was, according to Vil and Rook, beyond ancient despite his youthful appearance, “Maybe a little? I’ve just been thinking a lot about stuff.” 

His eyes narrowed as he smiled, not the easygoing one he’d been wearing before but a more knowing one instead as he tilted his head, “About your place in our world of the night or about the situation at hand?” 

I frowned slightly at his words, not quite liking how close to home they hit. 

I had indeed been pondering how to go about evaluating the Diasomnia clan. Something about the people here made it feel strangely imposing and yet welcoming all at once.

Not in the same manner Scarabia had been, though. Rather, it was more like they were open to my presence here so long as I didn’t do anything wrong. It was just that I didn’t know what the wrong moves were.

As things currently stood, Sebek seemed wary and Silver accepting, while both Malleus and Lilia seemed oddly amused by my presence.

What bothered me more was how he’d mentioned the matter of my place in the world of vampires, though. Because that was something that was often on my mind. 

I was close to Vil, and I doubted anything would ever change that, but I was also becoming more and more a part of this world.

As things were now, I spent more time with vampires than I did with living people. And my relationship with vampires was, as a whole, an odd one.

Even despite the friends I’d already made, I couldn’t trust the majority of vampires. To me, most vampires remained individuals who were a little too excited about the prospects of my blood, while to them I was an executioner.

And then there was the fact that I remained solidly trapped under Crowley’s thumb.

The entire matter was a situation that couldn’t remain as it was. 

For one thing, I was a mortal who would slowly age and die while all of my current friends would live on with eternal youth at the price of a heartbeat and sunlight.

But that didn’t mean I necessarily wanted to become a vampire myself. Eternity was a long time, and dying��. It wasn’t something that I thought about frequently, and though it didn’t really strike me as the most terrifying thing, it also wasn’t something that I exactly longed for.

I glanced over at Lilia, who let out a hum, nodding knowingly as if he could somehow read my thoughts, “To be a mortal in the world of the night is difficult. I often worry for my son due to having the same concerns you hold.”

I frowned slightly in confusion before it clicked together like two perfectly matched puzzle pieces. His son. Silver.

Vil had told me that Lilia had taken Silver in, but I hadn’t realized that it was a father-son relationship, even though Silver had already mentioned his father before.

I tilted my head, curiosity swelling within me, and Lilia immediately chuckled, “It looks like you have a question. Go ahead; I won’t bite.”

He smiled, fangs flashing as he spoke, and I decided right then and there that I did not care for his phrasing one bit. But I swallowed, bracing myself before I spoke, “Just tell me if I’m overstepping my bounds, but…. Why did you take in Silver?”

Lilia laughed, a free sound that had him pressing a hand to his stomach and folding forwards before he recovered and looked at me with brightly sparkling eyes, “I see why Malleus has taken such a liking to you. You really are a bold one.”

His wide eyes narrowed, and he leaned forward with a smile as his voice lowered to something more warning, “Curiosity can be dangerous, though. You ought to be careful, little one.”

Distantly, I felt myself nod as I leaned back with wide eyes, swallowing thickly as Lilia bobbed his head in a perky response. That far-too-clever expression of his disappearing as he spoke, “I adopted Silver because he was alone. His parents were killed a long time ago by a vampire, but he was left. I assume the killer didn’t find him.”

His words were sobering, and I was totally silent as he continued, an odd, almost wistful sort of smile on his face, “He was just an innocent little baby, but I could already tell he would be the sort that would attract vampires to him. Much like how you are. It was a sudden decision that had no real logic behind it, but I took him in as my own.”

Lilia’s gaze slid back over to me, the grin on his face turning mischievous, “You know, Malleus didn’t accept him at first and always complained about raising such a feeble child. As if he hadn't been a pain to raise himself.”

I blinked in quiet surprise at his words. So Lilia had known and cared for Malleus before they’d been turned. Did that mean they’d been turned together?

Lilia let out a nostalgic sigh, and I found myself smiling slightly as he continued, sounding remarkably like a doting parent, “Both of them are good boys, though, and Malleus has changed much since then. I hope you can keep getting along with Malleus, Silver, and Sebek.”

He tilted his head, something flickering in the depths of his eyes that had me frowning as he leaned over, speaking softly and in a surprisingly low voice, “I suspect it’ll be good for all of you before all is said and done.”

With only those cryptic words, he reached out and tapped me lightly on the nose, a chuckle slipping out of him as I blinked in surprise before he darted away. Disappearing so quickly that it was almost like he’d turned into a bat and flown away.

And maybe he did. I didn’t actually know if vampires could turn into bats or not, though Hollywood certainly indicated they could.

But that wasn’t really concerning right now. What was worrying, though, was the raw amount of information Lilia had just told me for no apparent reason. 

He’d told me to be careful of curiosity, so why had he encouraged it?

I shook my head slightly in confusion even as I stared after where he’d disappeared. It looked like the Diasomnia clan really was an odd place. Both imposing and welcoming while also being filled with all sorts of strange characters.

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[tomatoland]

Top's wounded inner child and TopMew's (play)dates

Top has a wounded inner child. He may look like a grown man on the outside, but inside, he is stuck here.

Top's reaction to freeze or go silent when emotions are high is very likely due to his fire trauma. When Mew yells at him, I thought Top very much looked like a child being yelled at by a parent. The way he avoids eye contact and bows his head. He feels indignation when Mew asks him if he and Boston planned this together, but he's unable to verbalize anything.

I wonder if his parents blamed him for the fire because it is very much reading as someone in Top's life expressed disappointment or blamed him at a critical time. Twice, Mew has asked Top for a reason why he slept with Boston and he can't say and again when Cheum asks, he can't say.

As I'm all about pattern recognition, the show is setting us up for this to be a conversation TopMew are going to have btw.

Top does take responsibility for his actions though. I initially thought that this was a positive sign of maturity, but it can also be a sign that Top had to take on too much responsibility at too young of an age. He does what he's expected to do, which is apologize, but he can't offer any further explanation.

What we know of Top's childhood is that he was neglected by his parents because they are always too busy working or socializing and he was alone when the fire happened. The responsibility of a household is so much to take on when you're so young and to deal with a crisis alone, no child should EVER have to do that. Parents are supposed to be there to protect their children, give them space to just be a kid and Top didn't have that.

Now, I want to talk about how TopMew's dates are actually helping Top heal his inner child.

TopMew's dates are all about introducing Mew to new experiences for TopMew both to experience together, but notice how they are all very playful.

They eat ice cream together, they go to the bookstore and share different parts of books with each other, they go bike riding, they even have sleepovers where nothing sexual happens, they play laser tag, hide-and-seek, dance like nobody's watching, sing out loud badly, drink neon green apple sodas together, and Mew keeps Top company while he sketches (draws).

Top's inner child holds all these heavy emotions from the fire incident, probably to the point that he can't remember good times he had as a child because he has spent an exorbitant amount of time here, fixating on that one moment. The result of which is years of insomnia, dependence on sleeping pills, a crippling fear of dying alone, and a fear of sleep.

I don't think Top & Mew did this consciously, but isn't it just absolutely perfect that is what their playdates (because that's what they are, aren't they?) are doing, giving Top a chance for him to connect to his inner child in a more lighthearted way than he usually does and just play.

“Three things strike me about inner child work: the speed with which people change when they do this work; the depth of that change, and the power and creativity that result when wounds from the past are healed.”

This space to reconnect to his inner child is what is helping Top move past the self-sabotaging behaviors and unhealthy coping mechanisms from before. Past Top would have called up Beam, Past Top would've fallen for Boston's manipulation. Before Mew, Top had a string of short-term relationships and now, he's thinking beyond three months.

The change in Top isn't because of Mew because even without Mew's presence, Top doesn't succumb to his old behaviors. This indicates that the change that may have started because of Mew, is now in Top. Being with Mew is what gave Top the opportunity to reconnect with and work on healing his inner child that now he wants to move past the things that were holding him in place.

This does bring up a really important fact though, change that is contingent on another person is not stable. Change must start with the individual if there is any chance for long-term sustainability. Maybe I'll be wrong and Top will self-destruct in the next episode, but he hasn't yet. He's still trying.

good article if you’re interested & cr for quote

[kindlingkeen]

I need to know if I’m alone in this or maybe missing something.

It always bothers me when people say Tim’s childhood was so much worse than Jason’s, or even says they’re the same kinda thing. Am I the only one in this?? (More specifically when they compare them) Like it feels like they’re minimizing Jason’s story to nothing, when it makes his character up as much as his death does. (I’ve even seen people compare Tim’s childhood to Jason’s death, which is. A choice.)

Granted, I’m not a big Tim fan (he’s a cool character, just not the one I focus on) so maybe I’ve missed some part of his canonical backstory or ive subconsciously got something against his character idk.

But from my understanding, Tim is a rich kid who was taken care of (as in, he always had what he needed), just his parents were neglectful? Or away? (Not to say this isn’t bad, of course wouldn’t wish that on a kid either)

But Jason’s lived surrounded by crime and poverty, hell we see panels where he’s hurt and generally not havin a great time.

And I’m fine with people making angst worse because like, favourite character. I’m sure I’m guilty of doing the same to Jason (fave character bias and whatnot) it’s just something that strikes me as odd. But hey, maybe I just don’t know about some canon panel that shows Tim’s childhood as a tragedy where he almost died countless times (another thing I’ve seen fans use)

So yeah. Generally, what do you think about this? I am not too great with character analysis & whatever else, but I like the stuff you’ve said in regards to characters. I know you’re a Jason fan, unsure about how you feel about Tim/how much you know, but curious about your opinion anyway. Thanks.

You are not alone, anon.

You’re also not missing anything in canon, Tim’s childhood was not a tragedy (his parents traveled a lot and he spent his time in boarding school). Were his parents on the neglectful side? Yes. Does that equate to being parentless and living on the street before the age of 12? No. I answered an Ask about Tim a little while ago explaining why I don’t really care much for Tim in the comics or a lot of fanfics. And I only ranted a little about how projecting Jason’s trauma onto Tim is Not. Cool. So maybe check that out.

As for my opinion on this … *takes a deep breath* Let me start by saying that everyone should like what they like, read what they want, write what they want, etc. No judgement or shame intended at all.

But … my opinion is that the enemy-to-caretaker trope is to blame for the over abundance of this dynamic in the fandom.

It seems like this trope grew out of/is a Gen take on enemies-to-lovers. I have absolutely no problem with this trope in general. In fact, I quite enjoy it in certain settings. But the thing is, lovers can be equals. But a caretaker, that has an inherent power imbalance to the relationship. A caretaker takes care of a person who is in some way weaker or less able than them.

So, to make Jason a caretaker for Tim, you somehow have to make Tim weaker, and with time and repetition that’s gotten amplified to much weaker.

The easiest way to do this is to jack up the angst and trauma of Tim’s origin story and increase his overall vulnerability. Because in reality, the inherent power imbalance between Jason and Tim is not that significant. Jason is only two years older than Tim. They’re both supposed to be badass vigilantes who can fight and solve crimes. Tim’s home life was loads more stable and supportive.

Play a few games of fanfic telephone, and all of a sudden you have a baseline of touch-starved Timmy who was made to sleep in a cupboard under the stairs as a wee little niblet and then Lazarus-mad Jason came along and tried to murder him repeatedly (nope), slit his throat (‘twas but a scratch), and generally traumatized him beyond repair (Tim is Robin, pretty sure he’s been beaten up before). 🤦‍♀️

That’s my opinion, anon! Thanks for the ask! 💙

[princessofghosts-posts]

ToA: Hidden Oracle Opinion (1/4)

I just finished reading Chapter 14 of the Hidden Oracle and I decided to continue,reading from 15 and beyond,tomorrow. I usually read 100+ for day so I think I'll finish it pretty fast in 2 days.

I actually like it. I saw a lot of criticism on Reddit,especially because Apollo is extremely selfish and self-centred in the first 2 books,and some people were annoyed by Meg's behavior,so I was pretty apprehensive for the start. But I didn't had any problems.

On the contrary,it's been a while since I've had such a smooth read. I didn't even felt the weight of the pages like I did during most of HoO. Apollo is a drama queen and Meg is THE chaos child. I'm loving them and their strange dynamic.

Apollo just turned mortal so it's normal to be extremely self-centred,and he think,like the last 2 times,he still has some of his powers,but I'm pretty sure that it's not the case. Some things are a bit annoying (especially with him being so mysterious about Daphne),but it's bearable for now and it's not really that much. Gotta love his attitude towards demigod life,yes Apollo they also hate it too,you aren't alone on this. He also continue to break the fourth wall with the audience when he start having his own monologues. Yes bro,we know you are miserable.

I have a soft spot for homeless people and kids,so having Meg as both (there is probably more that this,but I don't have the full picture of her backstory yet) really did it for me. And she is literally chaos incarnate. ADHD and hyperactive are strong with her. And when she summoned the karpoi,and decided to basically adopt it as her bodyguard even tho it's a killing machine? Damn. She is untouchable now.

Nico BEEFING with Leo so intensely,because he come back from the death,was not on my bingo card. He even decided to keep the message for when he wants to get angry. Bro is not having any of it. The fact that he can sense so much death on Apollo is not a good sign though. And was that JEALOUSY I felt while reading how Will was staring at that dude?? I can't wait to see more of him because I know that he will be iconic.

I'm loving Will,Kayla and Austin in this. First thing Will see it's his dad,turned mortal and almost dying,and he just went in full doctor mode and decided to panic later. Bro was locked in. The fact he was trying to not freak out for his siblings it's so sweet,but I can see it backfiring on him in the future since you can't bottle everything up.

Kayla and Austin are a totally new experience for me,since I never spoilered myself much of ToA,but I always hc them as chaos children and I was so right. Kayla saw her father like a boy beaten in an alley and ask if her talent will disappear because she want to join the Olympics. Austin straight up went:"What about my views?" and I loved that. The fact that Apollo himself though they got their priorities straight got me. They are also drammatic too,and in a good way.

I'm loving their relationship,because Apollo now is hopeless and don't know what to do,so they are the only ones that can help him and understand him. Kayla even called him dad,even tho they are the same age and Apollo can't see them as his children right now. He even admitted to himself that he wasn't a good dad and the fact that his own children are trying to protect him isn't helping him. I can't wait for the character development.

The Seven doing whatever is pretty realistic too,since they weren't going to stay together forever like the big group of inseparable friends everyone want them to be. Percy was not having any of it and I felt like he was giving jabs at Apollo,with the talks about the blood nose and memory loss. He was out for him. Annabeth is in Boston so I assume it's during this time that Magnus died. Piper and Jason being with Piper's dad is kinda strange,especially after Piper spent the last books ranting about him and their relationship. Leo is doing whatever with Calypso and I know that for the end of the book he will come back. Hazel and Frank are at Camp Jupiter but the communications between camps are useless,and they are probably pretty anxious about it. Especially because we know that a CHB demigods are vanishing,but not what it's happening at CJ. Hoping to read more about them too.

Harley seems another chaos child and I loved the scene when he explained his race. Can't believe that a 8 years old baby can be so deadly creative,Leo would be proud of him. Hoping to see them interact after he come back because the things they could create together are something else. The fact they are trying to use the Labyrinth with his race is crazy. Like,how do you even do that?? Nico is probably having PTSD flashback from the last time.

Didn't see much of Solangelo dynamic right now but it's fine. I still have 2/3 to finish and other 4 books. But I love how their dynamic (for what I saw) is like those of anime couple,where they argue all the time but are always there for each other. They are tsundere together. It's actually a breath of fresh air from Percabeth and Jasper that,in HoO,had similar dynamics. Hoping that Riordan doesn't ruin it.

The fact that Rachel just disappeared isn't a good sign too. I remember she went with the romans to study the sibylline books for future prophecy. The fact that 6 months passed from that (of which Apollo doesn't have memory of),then everyone started to dissapear at CHB and now Rachel isn't responding.....this isn't going to end up well.

Chiron and Apollo conversation really set up the difficulty of this "quest",since untill now Apollo isn't giving concrete information. Mr. D not being there also worries me because the Gods went no contact and Apollo doesn't even remember half of his life or what happened before he got thrown down in New York.

I don't like how the campers tried to jump at Meg. Girl just arrived,and she is a 12 years old child,so a lot younger than most of the cast we know,and the first thing they do is jumping at her during dinner. And the fact that no one stopped it,and a whole cannibal baby had to defend her,is an another level. Like,yes,this morning she kicked you pretty hard but be more mature than a literally child. She is new too,have mercy. And the whole conversation between Connor and Sherman should had been something nostalgic since they were talking about Percy's arrival at camp,but they gave off high-school bullies energy.

Having Apollo forgetting about his immortal life,because his mortal brain can't comprehend all the information he normally has,it's pretty smart. That was the only way Riordan could pull this serie off honestly,otherwise it was going to be a mess (since Apollo would basically know e everything). But he still remember some part of his god life even tho he continue to say that he is forgetting everything. Pick one Apollo,are you forgetting everything or you remember only the important things about the final boss? It's a double-edged sword this type of narrative choice,so I hope he doesn't have so much inconsistency (not that there aren't already).

Anyway. I'm actually quite satisfied with it,and for now I like it,it's pretty funny. Going back to one narrator was definitely a good choice because Riordan clearly is more comfortable with it. Hoping that the whole thing won't do down the drain (like HoO) and the quality won't get killed during the rest of the book and serie.

I'll give another update tomorrow when I'll reach the reading goal.