#between this and me starting to project on zedaph too

[shortfeather]

22 "…in a rush of adrenaline." with Zed/&Tango for the ask game iyw??

Sorry this is nearly three months later I had to give my writing muscles a break! But here they are... the dorks of all time...

(send me a ship and a number and i'll write a kiss)

“This is an insane way to start a season, Zed!”

Either Tango had a very impressive set of lungs—true, but perhaps not “bedrock to build height” true—or the voice in Zedaph’s head that sounded rather a lot like his best friend was speaking up. Either way, it wouldn’t be enough to dissuade him from attempting Caves and Cliffs. He’d already gotten all dressed up for it; it would be a crime to waste a costume this good! A crime, seriously.

“Ready?!” he shouted down the massive tower of scaffolding, as loud as he could. The sound didn’t echo; he was too high above the nearest surface for that.

There was no answer. Another point to the prior Tango being brain-Tango. Braingo? Sounded more like a game of some—

Oh. He’d apparently stepped off while lost in thought about Tango and brains, and now he was falling rapidly towards a hole that ran all the way down to bedrock, where his best friend was waiting with a water bucket.

The idea was simple: the ultimate trust fall tied into a rather impressive achievement. Who did Zedaph trust to do the clutch part of a water bucket clutch for him? Well, honestly, a few people. Impulse, definitely… Skizz if he was here… really, most of the Hermits, although everyone except perhaps Skizz would let him go splat a couple times first for comedic effect. But one person had been on Zedaph’s mind lately, to the point of distraction, as evidenced by him absentmindedly walking off his tower of scaffolding a few moments ago.

As the wind rushed around his ears (and face, and body in general), Zedaph considered Braingo, and then sans the brain bit. Tango had really been on his mind lately, which maybe wasn’t such a weird thing considering they were best friends, but Zed didn’t tend to focus like this. Sure, he had projects, and a season-long goal, but he tended to flit between tasks unless they were particular brain-teasers.

So maybe Tango was a brain-teaser, then. But how? After so long, Zedaph felt he had a pretty good handle on the guy. He was goofy, and liked to skirt the edge of immature jokes, and had big ideas with even bigger outcomes. Snarky, silly—oops, there went the trees, he was officially underground now—and he constantly sounded like he needed a cough drop. Yes, Zedaph knew him well, and yet he apparently didn’t know him enough.

Science time, then. What didn’t he know about Tango? What study could be conducted outside the area constrained by their friendship—

“Shit!”

Zed heard the yelp briefly, and then went splat, and woke up back in the forest. Ah, damn. That would be a long climb back up. 

“—pid idiot!” came Tango’s voice, very faintly, and very wetly. Zedaph slid out of the bed to peek into the hole to bedrock, and yep, there was Tango swimming up the waterfall with a frown. “You can’t just jump, you have to tell me when you’re going so I’m ready!”

“I did yell,” Zed called to him. “I just didn’t really consider the ramifications of you not being able to hear me.”

Tango paused, then swam harder, scowling even as his eyebrows danced in a way Zed knew meant he was trying desperately not to laugh. “Of course I couldn’t hear you! You were hundreds of blocks away from me!”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, you’re not the one who went splat.”

And then Tango was climbing out of the waterfall with Zed’s help, except he kept getting closer, his face in Zed’s, and oh! That was new! That was definitely something not in the usual friendship, which meant Zed needed to really pay attention—

“Oh man.” Tango abruptly broke the kiss, and Zed wrinkled his nose in annoyance. “Wait, no, Zed, I’m sorry—”

Zed flapped his hand to get him to shut up, and leaned in and kissed him again. Tango’s face was still wet from the waterfall, which was definitely skewing the data, but his lips were chapped and even at the very beginning of a new season he smelled like redstone. Despite the chill of being down by the void and then swimming over a hundred blocks upwards, he felt very warm, although that also may have been Braingo internally overheating Zed by making various screeching noises. Good kind of screeching, thankfully, because otherwise the kiss would have been really awkward.

“Zed.” Tango pulled away again, but not so far. “What’re you doing.”

“Kissing?” Tango raised an eyebrow, so Zedaph elaborated. “Studying the sensations, really. The you in my head seems very happy about it, so I’m trying to figure out why.”

Tango stared, which wasn’t unusual, and then burst into laughter. “Y’know what? Sure. I don’t know why I expected anything else.” He sat down on the bed, immediately soaking the blanket, and then made grabby hands towards Zedaph. “Come here and kiss me some more, then, we’ll see how happy other-me gets. And me-me, for good measure.”

And, well, he did have a world-spanning trust fall to complete, but he could wait a bit for some other science first.

[siriannatan]

First One Out (again) - ScfWhimmy

So latest Limited Life Friday and I decided to make a little sort of comfort thing.

Contains Spoilers if you have not watched Limited Life 7 yet.

Scott needed to find Jimmy. So after a slightly rude goodbye, Scott rushed away back to the between server area for the Empires crew as soon as he could after the session ended. He didn't even really care how much time those last kills left him with. He needed to drown Jimmy in affection.

"Jimmy? Love?" he called, barely past the door. He quickly spotted Jimmy's leather jacket carelessly dropped on the floor halfway to the bedroom. It was a bit hard for Jimmy to put it on on his own with the wings in the way, same with taking it off but it didn't look like it ripped. Unlike the first three jackets, he got for the Bad Boys bit. With a sigh, Scott tossed it to the couch and went to check the bedroom.

There he found a messy file of golden wings and several blankets, shaking and mumbling. Scott bit back any words he had and carefully sat next to the pile that was Jimmy's attempt at hiding and with a shaking hand started to pet his wings.

"How was the rest..." Jimmy asked before Scott could decide what to say. He was never good at comforting.

"Well, Skizz side and I killed Joel at the very end of it, I'm not even sure how much time I have left, I just ran here once we were done, barely said any goodbyes," Scott said not stopping petting Jimmy's wings even for a second. "fWhip's still in his Hardcore world?" maybe he could distract Jimmy by talking about fWhip?

"I guess so, he wasn't home when I came back and he's not on Empires, I checked," Jimmy sniffed as he sat up. "Can we call fWhip and ask if he could maybe come back sooner?" he asked as all the blankets fell down around him.

"Of course," Scott smiled, glad Jimmy wasn't feeling too down and messaged fWhip. He didn't even wait for an answer before rearranging the whole 'nest' their bed seemed to always turn into and pulled Jimmy into cuddles. Who cared if they still needed a shower after several hours of death game. Jimmy needed and wanted cuddles and Scott was not about to say no to him.

And that's how, not even twenty minutes later, fWhip found them. Dirty and bloody, cuddled among a pile of pillows and blankets. "Not even a quick shower before jumping into the bed?" he asked but wasted no time joining them. His dragon instincts were happy to see his mates in their nest but at the same worried about their state. He had to check if they were okay first.

"I died first again," Jimmy whined and fWhip wasted no time on taking off his dusty and muddy hoodie. His mining dust was nothing on Jimmy and Scott's death game grime. "I feel like I totally wasted your time with that jacket..."

"No you did not, it looks damn cute on you," fWhip protested as some part of his dragon brain decided it was the right time to purr.

"Everyone thought it was Tango's," Scott sighed as he grabbed for his communicator.

Jimmy abruptly sat back at the news. "One, all of Tango's leather things are red, two no one, and I mean no one not even Impulse and Zedaph can touch those. And three, it's all because all fWhip wears are his 'work' hoodies' and count fWhip's coat..."

"I have other things. After Live made me go through my whole wardrobe," fWhip scoffed from the doorway. His teal 'work' hoodie was covered in all kinds of mine dust and cut in a few places but still looked more put together than Jimmy and Scott put together. "And why haven't you two showered?"

"I died first again," Jimmy pouted, knowing full well what would get fWhip's dragon side more concerned about him and Scott than shower and clean sheets.

"And I killed Joel for chasing me multiple times," Scott added with an innocent smile, joining in on Jimmy's plan.

And it worked very well. With a sigh, fWhip joined them in the bed. And after a lot of rearranging so both Jimmy and fWhip's nesting needs were satisfied. But that was a complete norm for them so Scott did not complain as he was moved from place to place for about five minutes and then suffocated with scales and feathers. Best way to relax after going on a rampage.

[oceanera12]

do you mind giving the "Directors cut" of the Jevin chapter, I just love the chapter and find it really interesting? (also love. how unique it felt)

I hope you like long posts, lol.

Jevin's chapter! To anyone who has no idea what this human bean is talking about here's the link:

To anyone who wants to read my thoughts on this chapter, see below.

Jevin's chapter was probably one of the easiest and hardest chapters for me to write. This sounds weird but let me explain:

It was easy in the sense that he had a pretty basic premise to type up. He's a science experience that gained sentience and becomes a player. There are a few other plot points I knew I wanted to put in, but nothing too crazy.

It was hard in the sense that I had to start setting up the Hybrid Hunter Arc. And, at the time, I wasn't exactly sure how Jevin got caught up in the Hunters.

I had a few ideas that ranged in various details. One idea was that Jevin's lab was actually attacked by Hunters and he was captured, only for his science-mom to free him at the cost of her own life (like perma-die). Another idea I had was that it was just a singular scientist that made Jevin, then had him help with experiments until there was a lab accident that killed the scientist. Jevin would then set the other mob experiments free and he would leave to make his own path, eventually running into Hunters. There were a few others that varied in levels of angst and comfort, but these were the main two I kept flipping back and forth between.

I eventually settled on something similar to that last one, except I decided I didn't want to kill the scientist. Actually, I took some inspiration from the Test Tupe Zedaph AU (that is no longer in production) that's here on Tumblr for Jevin.

I actually had someone comment on the chapter and they seemed to be under the impression that this was a Protech lab. I actually don't think it was, seeing as Jevin is like... over 150 years old and Protech was around for about 50 or so years.

Oh, yeah. I've been figuring out some Hermit's ages for Built Family which has been fun seeing as some of them are basically immortal (Joe and TFC) while others just age REALLY slowly (Xisuma and now Hypno and Jevin).

[Complete side note but for TFC's age I literally just have as ??? because he's the oldest and it really doesn't matter how old he is, lol]

I really enjoyed writing up the science report as Jevin's introduction. It was different from the other chapters and I've been trying to find some clever ways to open up for different people, usually related to their backgrounds. I kind of wish for Mumbo I had done something similar or for False to have some kind of briefing as her opening, but I'm happy with what it is for both of them (very excited for Etho's start).

In my author's note for Jevin's chapter, I have a comment about blaming God of War: Ragnarok on the fact that I killed the dog. I was being serious about that. I literally went and watched someone play the first part of GoW:R and saw the scene with Fenrir and just... decided Jevin needed a dog. And that I was going to kill the dog and have a similar scene of holding him until he died.

One of the things I really wanted to emphasize with Jevin was the fact that he was a sentient slime. Not a slime-hybrid (which does exist). The best way I found to do this was having him measure time via phases of the moon and just have the moon affect him in general. I am very proud of that little fact, even if it so subtle that it only matters to me, lol. It was also the reason I made a big deal out of Jevin learning to talk.

Another random side note: I debated about having Jevin sometimes struggle with speaking or be mute at points. Similar to how some people write Link, where he has periods of signing things and periods of talking. I ended up deciding against it because 1. I already write stuff for LoZ and I didn't want to get too repetitive in my personal projects and 2. I couldn't figure out a way to have a standard signing method among players because... you know. Many worlds and many kinds of people. So even if Jevin signed, the only person who would know it would have been science-mom.

Jevin's chapter was also when I ended up introducing Scott, which was quite fun to sort out. I absolutely love Scott and fitting him into this universe was not as difficult as I thought it was going to be. I love his bi-colored eyes in Empires season 2 and decided to use the Origins SMP as the basis for his origin.

Setting up the Hunter issues was not an original plot idea when I first started this little story. As such, Hypno as a part of the anti-hunter movement was something I had to add in through Jevin's POV, which I found quite fun. Hypno, I think, has the most secrets when it comes to all of the Hermits (the exception being probably Doc). And honestly, my favorite thing is realizing that some Hermits have things that didn't come up in their chapter.

I wasn't exactly sure how I wanted to do Jevin and Cleo's relationship. Frenemies is the best way to describe it, but I wasn't exactly sure how to write it. I ended up deciding on a similar method of writing a sibling relationship, only making them a bit more... contempt of each other, if you will.

I can't think of anything else to really elaborate on, but if you have any specific questions I didn't cover, feel free to leave a comment in the note section and I'll answer it there.

[duckmumbo]

i am getting the intense urge to temporarily abandon my mumbo wips to try drawing the nether hub literally who am i

[beacon-lamp]

with hermitcraft season 7 slowly coming to an end, i figured it was time to consolidate all of the Informative Posts about hermitcraft that i and some of the other members of hermitblr have made over the last several months.

if you enjoy:

minecraft youtube content, but want to see more traditional vanilla minecraft gameplay like building and redstone

fun, lighthearted interactions between genuine friends including Elaborate pranks, collaborating on massive projects, light roleplay, proximity voice chat mod

weekly 20 - 40 minute long youtube videos and consistent upload schedules

chill grind stream weekends where CCs interact with chat and each other

an entire youtube channel dedicated to weekly 20-minute recap videos on what all the hermits have been up to so you don’t have to piece it together from the posts on your dash/timeline

insanely talented people who have been doing mcyt for nearly, if not more than, a decade and essentially built minecraft youtube from the ground up

give hermitcraft a try!  

you will find all of the information you will Ever Need below the cut.  it’s Very Long so view it on desktop.

and if you ever have any more questions, just shoot me an ask :)

what is hermitcraft?

the Basics: what, who, where, how

more details on the Basics

bonus: the historical impact many hermitcraft members have had on mcyt

where do i even start watching?

start with grian.

good mix of Incredible builds and fun server shenanigans.  instigator of many server-wide events.  interacts with many other hermits.  generally entertaining to watch.  but zero redstone knowledge.

check out hermitcraft recap.

great way to be introduced to other hermits and learn what everyone’s up to.  if you find what a hermit’s been working on interesting, go watch their video and maybe give them a like and subscribe.

official hermitcraft website with links to every member’s channel

more information on every hermit’s attributes and general vibes

do hermits every stream?

short answer: yes, most do!  but these streams are mostly chill grinding or buildling streams.  and you don’t have to watch the streams to be caught up on content.  check the official hermitcraft website for each member’s twitch links.

long answer that covers most of the hermits

what do they do on hermitcraft?

let’s start with some examples of their incredible builds.

hermit cribs: some of the megabases in s7

goodtimeswithscar’s s7 magical village with shaders

stressmonster’s bakery and ren’s star wars world

Capitalism

they have a shopping district where hermits can set up shops and sell items and resources that other hermits can buy with diamonds.  here’s season 7 shopping district set on a mooshroom island:

some of the most advanced redstone you’ve ever seen

if you’re more into the technical side of minecraft, you can be rest assured that hermitcraft has some of the Biggest Brains in redstone.

tangotek: a fucking madlad.  Singled-handedly created the minigame Decked Out.  im Begging you to watch his tutorial video on how to play.  currently finishing up his Among Us but in minecraft minigame. all of this was built Entirely in survival vanilla minecraft.  get this man to 1M subscribers.

mumbo jumbo: the man himself.  built a 128 x 128 block industrial district in both season 6 and 7 packed to the Brim with mechanical farms.  half the brain behind the masterpiece of engineering that was Sahara in season 6.  currently working on Pacific, the sequel to Sahara, in season 7.

iskall85: the other half of the brain behind Sahara and working on Pacific with mumbo in season 7.  also has an industrial district like mumbo’s in season 7.

xisuma: built an automatic potion brewer in the second half of season 7.  this thing churns out potions by the Shulker Box.  can also turn a shulker box full of potions into splash potions and extend duration all with a press of a button.

impulseSV: incredible example of form + function.  farms are scattered throughout his base.  he has a farm for nearly every farmable resource in vanilla minecraft.

etho: the pioneer of some of the most widely used redstone mechanisms to date.  content isn’t super redstone-focused.  mostly does compact modules that serve a specific function.

zedaph: makes strange contraptions.  he’s basically if grian knew how to redstone.  impeccable vibes and fairly underrated.

bdoubleo100: he occassionally does this segment called “redstone with bdubs” and it’s the only redstone i understand so that’s why he’s here.

what about roleplay?  and lore?  

yeah they have Plenty of that too.  

it generally comes in the form of self-contained storylines that involve most members on the server and take place over the course of several weeks in multiple videos.  it’s fairly light roleplay, if that’s not your thing.  but the plotlines also have a Massive Potential to be angsty and whatnot if you really look into it, which a lot of people also do.

here’s a more in-depth look into the Major Plotlines over the last 2 seasons (season 6 and 7).  huge spoiler warning though.

um also there’s this post that highlights how truly cursed hermitcraft can be if you dig deep enough hahaha.

so do the hermits only make hermitcraft content?

nope!!  many of them are involved in other mcyt content as well and are friends with other prominent members of the mcyt community!!  

MCC

mcc9 blue bats video essay: the time the hermit team won the whole damn competition.  a wonderfully made video worth Every second of your time.  especially if you don’t typically watch the hermit teams.

falsesymmetry: mcc10 ace and mcc’s First Back-to-Back Winner

lord grian dreamslayer: that time grian Popped Off, killing dream, tubbo, and fundy in mcc9 survival games

Vault Hunters

a modded minecraft server coded entirely by iskall85′s team.  all the content is streamed live on twitch.  

current members are: Iskall85, AntonioAsh, Stressmonster101, HBomb94, CaptainSparklez, Fundy, CaptainPuffy, 5UP and Tubbo

more info on the series 

3rd Life SMP

hardcore minecraft server with a twist that started on 4/20/21.  all content is posted to each member’s respective youtube channels.

every member has 3 lives, as indicated by the color of their name: green for 3 lives left, yellow for 2, red for 1.  if they lose all three lives, they can only spectate the world (like in hardcore mode).  the series ends when all members have lost all three lives.

the twist: once a member is on their 3rd and final life, as indicated by a red name, they are Hostile and their goal is to take the lives of the remaining players.

the members (hermits are italicized): BdoubleO100, bigbst4tz2, Etho, GoodTimesWithScar, Grian, impulseSV, InTheLittleWood, Renthedog, Skizzleman, Smajor1995, Smallishbeans, SolidarityGaming, Tango, ZombieCleo

the tumblr tag for 3rd Life is “#3rdLife”, “#3rdLifeSMP” and “#3LSMP” if you wanna see more content, as it’s Not supposed to be cross-tagged with “#hermitcraft”.

do you have any free serotonin to spare?

here’s a bunch of posts that’ll make you smile

scar’s friendship with a bunch of the hermits

grian, false, cleo, bdubs, iskall: why they deserve so much respect

same post as above but with an addition about ren

small hermit things that give you serotonin

why you should watch tfc

if you’ve made it this far you are Contractually Obligated* to watch one (1) hermitcraft episode and reblog this post.

*for legal reason, this is a joke.  you’re not contractually obligated but consider this: Please. i spent way too much time on this.

shoutout to everyone who’s posts i’ve linked and anyone who has helped answer a question about hermitcraft.  this all started because i was frustrated that people were writing the hermits off as cannon fodder in mcc and im genuinely so glad that many of you have given hermitcraft a shot.

[dmwrites]

Another addition (afterthought? idk) to the pearlescentmoon is the moon fic

“If we want to get to the moon, or wherever Pearl is, we need some kind of device to get up there.” Impulse was pacing back and fourth on the bridge, forehead creased in thought.

“You can’t be actually serious about this, guys.” Zedaph was sat next to Gem on the bridge- Gem was letting out some anxious energy by braiding Zed’s soft sheep wool. “Like, this hesitation is coming from me, Zedaph. And I don’t hesitate on many things. But what you are suggesting- that Pearlescentmoon, who is right over there, by the way, is in fact not here and is in the moon or something like that. Do you hear yourself, Impulse? Gem?” Zed turned to Gem, hoping for an ally in this.

“Zed, I know it sounds crazy, but I know my Pearl. And that’s not her. And the papers you’ve given us, this evidence, her name??? There is a chance that she’s up there, and we have to at least try and see!”

Zedaph sighed. “I thought that might be the case. Ever since I saw the ‘HELP’ I knew something fishy was up.” He stood up, and Impulse and Gem looked to him. “I have the blueprints for a upward flying machine that can penetrate the atmosphere. Do you want it?”

Impulse grinned. “Oh Zed, it’s been so long since I’ve done a crazy redstone project. Bring it on!”

A few days later found Impulse, Gem, and Zedaph on the bridge between Impulse’s and Pearl’s bases, gathered around an amalgamation of parts and pieces.

“Gem, can you hold this flashlight?” Impulse handed Gem a flashlight. He had abandoned his dwarven furs for the first time all season, donning his old t-shirt and cargo shorts, which were covered in redstone dust and oil. “Okay… now to screw in the last few repeaters… Gem, could you hold the flashlight right here- here- there, perfect.”

Impulse was half inside the flying machine Zed called a spaceship. Gem and Zed were on either side of him, watching.

“Okay… second repeater… Gem, put the flashlight here… Zed, stop eating my sleeve!”

“I get hungry when I’m nervous!” Zed said, spitting out the sleeve.

“And… last one… done!” Impulse extracted himself from the machine. “There! It should be ready to fly now!”

“Do we have everything we need? Food, armor, weapons?” Gem asked, checking their bags.

“I think we’re all ready.” Impulse nodded.

“I think so too.” Gem looked determined.

“Hey! What the hell do you guys think you’re doing?” Pearl appeared over the top of her hill, glowing slightly and bow pointed right at the machine.

“Oh no! You guys go without me, I’ll distract her!” Zed cried, clopping off at once without time for a dissenting word to be uttered.

“Zed! No!” Impulse called out in alarm.

“We have to go Impulse! This may be our only chance!” Gem cried. She grabbed him, pushed him into the machine, pressed the big red button that said start, and the machine took off. Gem and Impulse began to rise into the sky, looking for their friend Pearl all the way up.

[respectable-username]

Oh look, another quick one-shot! This time, a quiet scene between Grian and Mumbo.

Read on AO3 or keep reading below

---

<Grian> Hey Mumbo

<Grian> Where are you?

The pinging of his communicator dragged Mumbo from his redstone-induced haze. He put down the stack of repeaters in his hands to ping the coordinates of this latest project back to Grian.

It was only a couple minutes before a burst of rockets could be heard from the sky above, followed shortly by a Grian swooping in to land with perfect ease amongst the mini chest monster that had sprung up beside Mumbo's contraption.

"Hey G," said Mumbo, noticing the lack of spark in Grian's eyes. "Everything alright?"

"Do you mind if I just sit and watch for a bit?" asked Grian, already starting to sit down in the grass amongst the shulker boxes.

"Of course not," said Mumbo.

"Thanks," said Grian, leaning back against a box as he drew his knees to his chest.

Mumbo gave Grian one last concerned look before turning back to his massive contraption.

He was almost finished the next module of the machine. He just needed to figure out the timings on these last few repeaters.

If this signal goes through there it should take 2 ticks. Which means that signal needs to take longer. Better make it 3 ticks total. Then that should trigger this one 2 ticks later. Yes, that should be right.

Mumbo stood back, taking in one last look at the wiring, crossed his fingers, and pulled the lever.

The whole module broke.

Mumbo sighed, walking back over to the machine. It looked like the second piston fired too early, causing it all to get out of sync. That means he had to add another tick of delay there and another there. That should do it.

Mumbo tore down the broken part of the contraption and started rebuilding with the required changes.

"How do you stay motivated to keep going when your redstone keeps failing?" asked a small voice from behind him.

"Trial and error is just part of redstoning," said Mumbo, turning to face Grian with a smile. "Or should I say trial and error, and error, and error, and error, and small success, and error, and error, and error."

"That sounds awful," said Grian.

"It's just part of the fun," said Mumbo, gesticulating with the spare pistons in his hands. "You expect things to fail, so you keep the bits you test as small as possible, and use the way it fails to figure out how to make it work next time. And then when it does finally all work, it's the best feeling ever!"

"I failed and now everyone hates me," said Grian suddenly, pulling his knees closer to his chest.

"Oh Grian," Mumbo said, putting down the spare components and walking over to sit down and hug his long arms around Grian's small body. "I'm sure they don't hate you."

"I messed up and now they're all mad at me and they keep sending messages about how I messed up and hurt them and I don't know what to do and I'm so sorry but I don't know how to fix it and..."

Grian's train of thought was cut off by a sob. Mumbo pulled him in closer as the floodgates broke open.

Grian buried his face in Mumbo's lapel. He knew he should be worried about ruining Mumbo's suit with his tears and snot, but, well, it's Mumbo. Mumbo doesn't care. Mumbo doesn't get angry. Mumbo's just so... Mumbo.

"What happened?" asked Mumbo gently, stroking Grian's hair as the stream of tears slowly let up.

"I made it all about me again," said Grian, voice slightly muffled by Mumbo's shoulder. "I put so much time into planning the whole thing, so much time into making sure everything would play out correctly and would make sure everyone had a good time, and the one time I ad libbed, it was on something entirely selfish and now everybody's mad at me. And they should be. I can't believe I broke from my plan."

"Have you said sorry yet?" asked Mumbo kindly.

"Haven't had the time," Grian replied. "The meeting ended and I got a half dozen private messages and I freaked out and came right here."

They sat together in silence as the cogs turned in Mumbo's brain.

"Is there a way to make the selfish thing apply to everyone?" Mumbo eventually said. "Then it won't be selfish anymore."

"I don't know," said Grian.

"Well," said Mumbo, pausing again to think, "could you ask the others how you could do that?"

"What do you mean?" asked Grian, looking up from Mumbo's shoulder.

"I mean, you always plan so much of everything by yourself, Grian," said Mumbo. "You don't have to do it all. If the others are the ones who've recognised the mistake, maybe they'll have an idea of how to fix it."

"But why would they want to help me after I just bungled everything?" asked Grian.

"Because it was one mistake, and because they're your friends," said Mumbo. "I mean, you said they private messaged you about the issue, right? It's not like they've locked you in the stocks outside Town Hall and started throwing rotten vegetables at you!"

Grian let out a small chuckle. "Not yet anyway," he said.

"So, why don't you message the group, say you're sorry, and ask how you can fix it?" said Mumbo.

Grian curled back into himself again. "Because I'm scared," he said. "What if things go wrong? What if I say something to make it even worse?"

"And pigs could fly in the next update," said Mumbo. "But we can deal with that problem when we get to it."

"Hasn't Zedaph already made pigs fly?" said Grian.

"He did what?!" said Mumbo.

"He shot them with shulkers I think," said Grian.

"That's ridiculous,"  Mumbo said with a smile. "Anyway, back on topic. Let's try writing that message, ok?"

Grian pulled out his communicator, temporarily set it to only send to himself, then hesitated.

"What if I send the message and it doesn't fix anything?" said Grian. "What if everyone still hates me?"

"Well, I don't hate you," said Mumbo. "I'll still be here. You're one of my best friends, G. Even if everything else falls apart, I'll always be here for you, ok?"

Grian nodded. He took a deep breath and pulled up his communicator again.

He typed out his message. Then edited it. Then edited it again. Then undid half his edits. Then fixed the 'to' line. Then hit send.

Then put the communicator back in his pocket and crossed his arms against his chest.

"Good work, Grian," said Mumbo with a smile, squeezing his fellow Hermit.

"I hate this," said Grian. "I hate the waiting. I've already thought of three better ways I could have worded that message."

His communicator pinged.

"I don't wanna look," said Grian.

"Take as much time as you need," said Mumbo.

His communicator kept pinging.

Grian took a deep breath, then another. He pulled open his communicator and looked at the screen.

And burst out crying.

"What happened?!" said Mumbo, alarmed.

"They... they accepted my apology," Grian said between sobs, smiling through his tears as he faced the small screen towards Mumbo. "They don't hate me."

Mumbo relaxed. "See, I told you so," he said warmly, squeezing the small Hermit again. Grian gently pushed him in retaliation.

"I can't believe they're all being so nice after I was so thoughtless," said Grian, trying to wipe away the tears with the sleeve of his jumper.

"Of course they're being nice," said Mumbo. "You made one mistake, and now you're trying to fix it. They know you're a good person, G. One mistake doesn't make you a failure."

"Thank you so much Mumbo," said Grian. "Just, thank you for being there and for being so... so Mumbo-y."

"Any time, G," said Mumbo. "You know I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

"Can I just stay here for a minute?" asked Grian, resting his head back against Mumbo's shoulder. "It's just... it's just all a lot."

"As long as you like," said Mumbo.

And so they sat there, as the sun set in the distance and the wind ruffled the grass around them, the half-built contraption throwing strange shadows across the ground. It wasn't working, yet, but it would be. It would be with a little bit more trial and error.

[boatemhole]

crossfire | a hermitcraft x dreamsmp crossover

ohhh boy oh boy. remember that hc x dsmp crossover i was talking about a while back? the one with ranboo and zed? well, i finally finished writing it! i can be found here on wattpad, or if you don’t have it you can read it under the cut :D

this is actually more hermitcraft-centered than dsmp, so heads-up for that. i don’t watch too much dsmp so i tried to keep it as vague as possible for ranboo’s parts. i had a lot of help from my friends on that bit

word count: 2115 tws: swearing, mentions of wars

Ranboo wasn't sure where he was, but it definitely wasn't the Dream SMP.

The place he found himself in had buildings that seemed to stretch upwards forever. There was no consistency in the block palettes; each build had its own distinct style. Some were larger than the others--one build that looked like a town hall seemed to overlook the rest of the builds. Ranboo could even see more buildings that were in the background and seemed to have their own islands.

What was this place? Was this someone's base? It was huge. It seemed to go on forever.

For some reason, the grass hadn't spread around the island completely yet. He noticed some large patches of dirt that looked freshly dugout. Little sprouts of grass had started to grow, but it hadn't completely covered the dirt yet.

As Ranboo wandered the area, he heard a small moo. Turning around, he saw a lone mooshroom, its red and white hide looking out of place among the green grass. He vaguely remembered that mooshrooms are supposed to be in mycelium islands, not regular ones like this.

How did this one get here, then? Poor thing.

Had this place been a mushroom island before? It would explain the still-spreading grass. Whoever owned this place must have put in so much time and effort here between the builds and the replaced mycelium. It was incredible. The look of this place was chaotic--so many different styles crammed together--but, at the same time, there was a certain harmony it had.

Ranboo slowly walked up to the mooshroom as to not scare it. When the cow approached him, he held out a hand and petted it a bit, feeling surprising sympathy for the animal. It was taken out of its natural habit and was alone now.

Kind of how he had found himself here, in this place he had no idea how to navigate.

As he petted the mooshroom, he thought he heard a firework sound off in the background. When he looked around, though, there was nothing.

Oh, yeah. Where were all the people? Where was the person that built this place?

Then, he looked up and saw someone flying above him.

Flying...?

Ranboo didn't recognize the grayish-purple wings strapped onto the man's back. They looked light, but they managed to catch the wind so the person who had the wings strapped to them glided around easily. Instead of feathers, these wings had a more silky, transparent look to them. There were only two main parts of the set, and they functioned pretty simply. The two parts just expanded whenever the person was in flight.

The person noticed Ranboo, too, and he landed on the ground. It wasn't anyone Ranboo recognized. They had light blonde hair, violet eyes, and a brown tunic. He was wearing diamond armor--no netherite. And instead of a chestplate, he was wearing those wings.

From the look on his face, he didn't recognize Ranboo, either.

The guy gave Ranboo that confused once-over, like he wasn't sure who--or what--he was looking at. He must have looked very odd compared to the other person's attire.

"Um...how did you get here?" he said after a moment. "I, uh, haven't seen you around before."

Ranboo sighed inwardly. "Honestly, I don't even know myself."

He reached into his inventory for his memory book, but after a few moments of digging around for it...he didn't find it. He opened his backpack all the way to look for it, but it wasn't there.

He started to panic a bit. He didn't like going anywhere without his memory book--he tended to forget things a lot, and he wrote them down in his book so he didn't forget. Without it, he constantly forgot important things...like how he'd gotten here.

...Shit.

The other person noticed his panic and hurriedly gave him a "calm-down" gesture. "Hey, don't worry about it," he said quickly. "I'm sure there's a reason why you're here."

"I'm Zedaph, by the way," he added as an afterthought. "You can call me Zed. For now, why don't I take you to Xisuma? He might know something about all this."

Zedaph? Xisuma? Who the hell were these people?

"Listen, I don't think I'm supposed to be here--" Ranboo said, looking around as if he could somehow find an exit out of this place. "I'm part of a different SMP, not...whatever this one is. I don't even know what this place is--I belong to the Dream SMP."

Zed paused as something occurred to him. "Wait--hold on, you're a part of the Dream SMP?"

Ranboo was a bit confused at Zed's sudden curiosity. "Uh, yeah. Why?"

Zed leaned against a shop's storefront, petting the mooshroom Ranboo found earlier idly. "What is it like?"

Ranboo was really confused now. Zed had changed topics at the speed of light. "Uh, what is what like?"

"The Dream SMP."

When Ranboo raised an eyebrow, Zed continued.

"Well, we've heard some things about that SMP. It's kind of infamous. Big reputation. I don't really know how to explain this, but uh...we've heard that conflicts on that server are more...major?" His voice went up an octave. "More serious? Than other SMPs, at least."

"Oh, um. Yeah." Ranboo was careful choosing his words, knowing he was treading on a ground littered with landmines. "What about it?"

"Well, compared to a place like here--Hermitcraft--we have more, uh, lighthearted conflicts. Not entirely serious, you know?" Zed cleared his throat awkwardly and glanced to the side.

So this was Hermitcraft. Just like how Zed said the DSMP was well-known, people knew the Hermitcraft server well, too. Specifically their big, grindy builds. Ranboo should have known that's where he was. This place definitely did Hermitcraft justice.

Zed was still looking at him curiously. Ranboo knew he wasn't going to let this go until he said something about it--he seemed like that kind of person.

"Well, I'm probably not the best person to turn to for this kind of stuff," Ranboo started.

"Hey, you're the only DSMP member who's appeared in our server randomly," Zed joked with a little laugh. "You're my only source. You can probably say something ridiculous that would never happen here and I'd have to believe you."

"Okay. A place called L'Manburg was blown up three times by three different people at three different times." Ranboo put on his best deadpan face, though Zed probably couldn't see it behind his mask and sunglasses.

Zed stared at him for a count of five. "...You're not joking, are you?"

"Nope. Actually happened."

"Um...wow. Okay." Zed didn't seem to know what to do with that info. That kind of stuff was probably unheard of in a place like this. "H-how did that happen anyway? What prompts someone to blow up this place thrice? What did it do to deserve that?"

Ranboo went stiff. Zed had hit a sensitive spot. "Wars. Conflict in the server. So many sides taken, the SMP is split in half."

"And...what side are you on?" Zed asked softly.

"...None."

Zed leaned back, surprised by the answer. "Oh, um...can I ask why? If you're comfy saying it, of course."

"No, it's okay." Ranboo took a deep breath before continuing.

"I have this policy. 'Choose people, not sides.' Every conflict on this server has started out because of two conflicting beliefs. Then, people start taking the side of one belief. Then, it just...escalates from there. I don't choose a side because that's going to solve nothing. Instead, I choose people. Of course, I want all this conflict to be over.

"But it never stops."

He trailed off as he realized he'd started rambling. "Uh, crap, you probably didn't want to hear all that, though--I'm sorry--"

"No, no, it's okay," Zed said quickly. "It's just...y'see, on Hermitcraft, our wars are more...lighthearted. Not as serious. I've said this before. There's no real conflict, just servermates messing around with each other."

"I wish I could experience that kind of thing," Ranboo muttered. It made sense that a place like this didn't have a lot of real conflict. It was like a haven of some sort to Ranboo. A special place that was unachievable in his own server.

"...I can't imagine going to actual war when it's my friends who are on the opposing side," Zed continued. "I mean, sure, we've had wars before, but it's always lighthearted roleplay. We're not actually mad at each other, y'know?"

He was silent for a moment before adding on one last bit. "Though some...recent wars...have gotten a bit more out of hand."

"How about you?" Ranboo asked. "What side are you on for these wars?"

"Would you believe me if I said 'none', too?" Zed said with a smile.

"Wait...really?"

"Not for the reasons you are. It's just...not my thing. I don't usually get involved in big server events. I have my own projects I want to work on. Though I have these two friends—Tango and Impulse—who always get involved. And they always end up on opposite teams."

"What's that like after the war is over?"

"Weird. It didn't use to be like this, but there's this...lingering tension now. Like I said earlier, the wars are getting a bit more serious, and it takes me a while longer to break the ice again between 'em. It's not like immediately after the war things go back to normal. Not anymore."

Ranboo let out a small puff of laughter. "Seems like we each have our own problems, huh?"

"...Yeah. Seems like it."

Ranboo's smile faded, and he sighed. "I wish I could be a part of a really close server like this. It seems fun."

"What do you mean?"

"Well...let's just say I don't really have any close friends on the DSMP."

"...You don't?"

Ranboo instantly regretted oversharing with Zed. The reason why he never told people about this is that they tended to go "Oh, poor you"! and baby you afterward.

Why did he share this with Zed, anyway? Out of all the people he could have confessed to...why a Hermit? They had it easy over here. How could he understand? Why not talk to someone on the DSMP who could?

But...Zed continued to surprise him with what he said.

"If you want...I can be your first real friend."

Ranboo did a double-take. Out of all the things Zed had said—and some of them had seemed downright foreign to him—this is what surprised him the most. He didn't go "Poor thing! Do you want a hug?" or awkwardly change the subject...he listened. More importantly, he understood.

And that was something Ranboo wasn't used to.

He realized Zed was waiting for an answer, and he awkwardly cleared his throat. He couldn't say anything that could properly convey the...happiness he felt when Zed offered to be his friend. Yes, that was it. He didn't realize how lonely he'd felt before.

Even if he did have people he hung out with more on the DSMP, he never felt close to them. That wasn't something he felt with Zed. For whatever reason, in the short time he'd talked to him, Ranboo felt like he could relate to him. A lot. They had to deal with the same kind of problem, even if their conflicts were on opposite ends. They were two sides of the same coin.

"...Yeah," he said after a moment longer. "I'd like that."

Zed smiled a bit, and Ranboo did have to read too deep into it to know that he was thinking along the same lines as he was right now. He was that kind of person.

After a moment of silence, Zed cleared his throat. "Um. Though...you know you can't stay here forever. You have your own server, and the whitelist will kick you out sooner or later. You belong in the Dream SMP. Not here. As much as I'd like you to stay."

Ranboo laughed as a thought occurred to him. "It was never meant to be, huh?"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"But--before the whitelist kicks you out, we should make the most of the time left. I don't know if I'll see you again, y'know? And I want to hear about everything in the DSMP."

Ranboo felt a smile grow on his face. Zed delivering bad news, then immediately following with a hopeful smile afterward was something he'd do. He was glad he met Zed today...even if it was under the weirdest circumstances he'd ever encountered. And he'd seen some pretty odd things.

"Yeah. C'mon, let's go find somewhere to sit." Zed got up from his sitting spot, brushed off the dirt, and gestured for Ranboo to follow him. "I'll tell you what's happening in my server, and you can tell me about yours!"

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

A Suffocating Whirlpool

Summary: Grian’s relationships with some of his friends are at a low and he’s feeling overwhelmed. Dying and losing all his stuff was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Thankfully, there’s another hermit on the server who has experience with this kind of thing and knows how to help.

(note: I had to adjust the canon timeline slightly for this to work)

…

  It’s gone. It’s all gone. There’s no way anything survived those tnt blasts. The first one took Grian out and the rest destroyed his stuff. That’s the only thing that makes sense to Grian. He knew deep down he wouldn’t find his things when he returned to the scene of the explosion but it still hurts.

  Leaving the mangled floor of his newest tower alone, he stumbles over to the bench outside the building that Etho now owns and slumps onto it, his stomach squirming with nausea. 

  Taking out his communicator, he shakily taps out a private message to his former best friend. 

<Grian> mumbo are you busy

<Grian> i just really need to talk to someone right now

  A pause.

<Grian> please?

<Mumbo Jumbo> Not now, sorry.

  Grian deflates. 

  The logical part of his brain is screaming that Mumbo is just busy with Pacific. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to Grian. He’s just busy with Pacific. He has to be. 

  He scrolls through his other contacts on his device, searching for someone he can message. Anyone at all. 

  Bdubs and Scar? Haven’t spoken to him since the Sewer Cats broke up. 

  Impulse? Currently feuding with him over the whole BOVE situation.

  Keralis? Still ticked off about the secret base shenanigans.

  Iskall? Siding with his Pacific business partner. 

  Etho and Zedaph? Haven’t been seen around the server lately. 

  Grian buries his face in his hands. He feels utterly hopeless. There’s nobody he can turn to at all. Nobody he feels close enough to to confide in about his feelings. 

  “Grian?”

  He recognises the voice but doesn’t look up. “I’m fine.”

  Tango raises an eyebrow. “If “I’m fine” is the first thing you say in a conversation, I don’t think you’re very fine.”

  He sits down on the bench next to Grian, who lets out a quiet sigh. “Yeah… things aren’t fine.”

  “Do you wanna talk about it? I’m willing to listen.” 

  Grian hesitates, but his emotions are running wild and he feels the urge to talk about them. So he does. He spills his guts out to Tango, rambling about all the thoughts and feelings he’s bottled up over the last few weeks. 

  “-and there’s nobody else I can talk to about this because Keralis and Cleo are still annoyed about the secret base thing, Mumbo isn’t talking to me because our businesses are in competition, Impulse isn’t talking to me either because of our stupid feud over building heights, and now I just died and lost everything and I want to just jump into the void because I feel like it’d hurt less than this.”

  His voice cracks and he buries his face in his hands, fresh tears dripping down his cheeks. 

  Tango silently wraps his arms around Grian and lets him cry into his shoulder, soothingly rubbing his friend’s arm. 

  “Just let it out, G,” he murmurs kindly. “Let it all out.”

  Grian cries until he has nothing left, then he finally lets himself relax into Tango’s embrace, mentally drained. 

  “I just wish I wasn’t the only one going through this,” he whispers.

  Tango continues rubbing Grian’s arm. “Believe it or not, I know exactly how you feel, G.”

  Grian glances dubiously at him. “Really?”

  “Yeah. I totally get it. I got the same thing all the time when I was working on Decked Out.”

  Grian sits up straight, frowning. “Wait… really?”

  Tango nods. “Mhm. The whole turf war was starting to escalate when I started so I had that in the background while I was working on Decked Out. I saw so many cold and awkward interactions between the two sides, some even to the point of open hostility. Having so many people not getting along with each other at once really flared up my anxiety levels, and working on such a massive project at the same time didn’t really help. I’d spend hours at a time working on a single redstone component of the game but it still wouldn’t look right and I’d be so much more frustrated than I normally would be because of this extra pressure on me. 

  “Eventually, I’d go out to the shopping district or something and something small would happen, like maybe my elytra would break. Now logically, I know that I can just go and repair it super easily, no big deal. We have a ton of XP farms. But after the day I’ve been having, my brain doesn’t think about that. This tiny thing has brought all my bottled up emotions to the surface and I just want to lie on the floor and cry until I pass out. Honestly…” He hesitates. “Don’t tell anyone, but that actually did happen to me a few times during the war. And the only person I could talk to about it was Zed, because everyone else I’m close to was involved in the war. But Zed… gets overwhelmed by conflict very easily, so I stopped going to him after a while. I didn’t want to drag him into my suffocating whirlpool of anxiety and crappiness.”

  He pauses as he registers Grian staring at him. “What?”

  Grian’s mouth is open slightly. “I just… I’ve never heard a better explanation for this whole situation than a “suffocating whirlpool of anxiety and crappiness”.”

  Tango chuckles. “Told you I know how you feel, G.”

  “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have doubted you. That sounds absolutely awful and I never knew you were going through it that whole time. What do you do to make it feel better?”

  “The best solution is actually the hardest,” admits Tango. “Eliminate the conflicts one by one. Distracting yourself works short-term but inevitably, you’ll sink back down to that horrible place where you can’t sleep and everything feels horrible and you can’t bring yourself to do even simple tasks. Being able to cross off at least one source of conflict takes the pressure off massively.”

  Grian thinks about this for a moment. “What did you do?”

  “Me? I reconciled with Impulse and Etho. Wanted to make it clear that even though we were on opposite sides of the war, it didn’t mean we had to be enemies. I worried myself sick whenever I even thought about them but when I actually talked to them, everything went completely fine, and I slept so much easier that night. Suddenly, it seemed like everything I’d spent weeks obsessively worrying over was reduced to almost nothing. Heck, I finished Decked Out two days later after weeks of slow progress.”

  “Whoa… It really helped that much?”

  Tango nods. “It helped way more than I can ever really express. Just knowing that despite everything going on that I still had Impulse and Etho to go to if I needed it was absolutely my lifeline. So my TL;DR advice to you is this: find someone who makes you feel better, and if you’re currently feuding with them, make up with them. It’ll be difficult but the payoff will be worth it in the long run.”

  Grian is silent for a minute or so, turning over everything in his head.

  Finally, he rises to his feet and smiles. “Thanks so much, Tango. It’s good to know that there’s someone else on the server who knows what I’m going through.”

  Tango stands up too and gives his friend a pat on the shoulder. “Anytime, G. I’m always here.” 

…

  Grian takes a deep breath, hovering outside the office. Tango’s advice echoes in his head, particularly one line: “It’ll be difficult but the payoff will be worth it in the long run.” Sure enough, his heart is pounding out of his chest and his hands have gone clammy, but he knows that now he’s here, he has to go through with this. He has to get his best friend back.

  He knocks on the door. “Mumbo, it’s Grian. D-Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

  Silence. 

  Silence.

  Silence.

  Finally: “Come in, Gri.”

  Something in Mumbo’s tone, plus Mumbo’s use of his special nickname for Grian, tells him everything’s going to be fine. Their friendship is stronger than this conflict; Grian is confident they’ll work things out.

  His confidence slowly returning, Grian pushes open the door.

[waterfall-ambience]

Misc Headcanons About the Evil Hermits (+ Worm Man)

- Timeline: EX and Worm Man lived together in S5, and NPG joined them in S6. While EX was banished, Badtimes and Hels moved in. Badtimes and Hels just sort of showed up one day and Worm Man was too intimidated to kick them out. They proved to be good enough company, though. EX eventually returned from exile and started living with them again.

- NPG is incredibly insistent on keeping the rustic cottage aesthetic, and would definitely kill Helsknight if he found out about the evil lair in the basement.

- Only Hels and NPG are from Hellsworld. EX was born from a respawn error when Xisuma fell into the void in between S1 and 2. Similarly, Worm Man was born from a glitch after Zedaph joined the Moonlight SMP. Badtimes was created by the Vex with the express purpose of being Scar’s assistant.

- Hels is the only one who still actively considers himself to be the villain. EX decided to abandon the role entirely after becoming Worm Man’s sidekick (+ the incident wherein he nearly caused the apocalypse, don’t ask). Badtimes just doesn’t have the energy. He’ll entertain the thought as a power fantasy, but at the end of the day, he’s loyal to Scar.

- Hels, EX, and Badtimes go on ‘crime sprees’ together. However, EX is worried about getting banned again, and Badtimes promised Scar not to destroy the Hermits’ builds unless otherwise directed. As such, said crimes involve stealing from abandoned shops and burning down woodland mansions.

More under the cut:

- NPG is personally interested in getting revenge on Grian for trapping him in a closet, but not as much as building rustic houses. He’d get revenge if the opportunity was offered to him, but probably wouldn’t go out of his way to do so.

- after the 1.14 update, Worm Man started fighting off pillager raids for the local villages. They don’t really need his help, but he does it anyway to feel like he’s doing something with his life.

- Despite wearing helmets, EX and Hels are quite easy to read. EX’s holographic display on his visor changes with his emotions, and Hels’ fire plume turns blue when he gets especially angry. 

- Badtimes has a cat named Peanut/Peanut Butter (‘PB’). Hels loves her very much.

- For Worm Man, the hardest part of moving to S7 was deciding which of EX’s belongings to take with him, and accepting that he’d never see most of it again.

- Worm Man generally acts like the emotional/moral center of the group, and he does his best to make sure that they don’t kill each other or get themselves into too much trouble. EX’s banishment really affected him and the last thing he wants is for that to happen to anyone else. 

- Worm Man’s glasses are cosmetic, and only wears them to distinguish himself from Zedaph.

- Hels and EX are decently good at cooking. Badtimes is ok, but more limited, and hates that Hels puts pineapple on pizza. NPG is surprisingly alright at it, for someone who doesn’t need to eat. Worm Man burns water.

- EX took over dishwashing duties when he moved in, much to everyone’s relief. Worm Man cannot stack plates to save his life.

- Worm Man, in the middle of the night: Hels I need you to come with me to get a glass of water or else Five Nights at Freddy’s will be at the fridge

- NPG and Hels knew of each other in Hellsworld, but hadn’t actually met.

- Hels also knew everyone’s Hellsworld counterparts. He didn’t think much of Badtimes’, and knew Worm Man’s to be a mess of insecurity. Evil EX was similarly insecure, but was relentless in the destruction he caused, even for Hellsworld standards. Hels was a little disappointed when EX returned from exile and proved himself to be more subdued than what he expected.

- EX did not have a fun time in the void. There are Things out there, and having the ability to astral project across the Infinite is the easiest way to become a vessel for Something. The wonders of having faulty admin powers :)

- Hels mixes up video games and their cases, just because he knows it gets on Badtimes’ nerves.

- The other clones (esp EX and Worm Man) turn to Badtimes for support because he presents himself with an air of maturity. However. In terms of actually getting things done, he’s a bit of a flake. When it comes to favours, only Scar can rely on him, and that’s only because Badtimes is contractually obligated to help him.

- Badtimes puts his hat over his face while he sleeps. That’s not a headcanon that’s just a fact /j

- NPG designed their rustic house to be something like a fortress. The corridors twist and turn, the floor changes in elevation, there’s doors that lead to nowhere, as well as tons of secret passages. The idea behind it was that it’d be confusing to anyone who didn’t live in it for long enough to call it home, would put any attackers at a disadvantage. Also because there’s many opportunities for pranks.

- The main drawback of the house is that it’s too big for them to reasonably clean on a regular basis. They’ve just settled on cleaning the small area that they actually use, while most of the other rooms that are left untouched remain that way. It defeats the point of the fortress design if no one actually uses the space, but NPG’s main reason for building a rustic house at that scale was just to see if he could.

[justletmeplayminecraft]

I love reading all your stories and always find myself coming back to them. I think my favs are prob the ones from the Space Outlaw AU, especially the Ex & Zed one, it always makes me smile. That kinda brings me to this request; I'd love to see a followup to that story where Zed is reunited with Tango & Impulse on the ship and what happens a bit afterwards. ^_^

aaa my gosh, thank you so much. it means a lot to hear that and honestly i wouldn't have had the courage to do it without @martuzzio creating this amazing au & encouraging me !!

as for the request, it's actually a scene ive avoided writing in the past, because everyone kinda has their own idea of how it goes? so i wanna say, just because i've written it, it doesn't mean other people can't write it their way!! even i have other ideas of how it could go!! additionally, if you want more of zit's early days after reuniting, it's a side focus in this fic! i realised it was missing from my masterpost so thought i'd mention it gjgfs

alright, on with the fic:

"And this is one of our secondary testing labs," Xisuma introduces, holding his hand out as they step inside. Seeing the current occupant, he turns that hand into a wave. "Afternoon, Impulse." Zedaph perks up at the name, bright eyes focused on the goggled man in front of him.

"Hey, X." Impulse doesn't look up from his current project, carefully soldering two pieces of wire together. "We got our new recruit?" Zedaph's jaw is falling open as Impulse speaks. Any further and it might unhinge.

"We have!" X glances at Zedaph, his smile becoming a soft look of concern. "This is Zedaph, he may not be joining us permanently but-" Impulse looked up the second Xisuma said 'Zedaph'.

"Zed?" Impulse breathes the name like it's sacred, with the same reverence of a god's. Zedaph stares at him with wide eyes, a noise escaping before he can attempt a word. He raises his hands, tears gathering.

"Impulse?" Zed's gasp is wet, grabbing the strap of his bag. "Is that- Am I dreaming? I must be- I-" Impulse barely remembers to turn off his solderer before he's running forward.

The two meet in the middle. Impulse grabs Zed's face, rubbing his fingers over his cheeks. All Zed can do is reach up and hold Impulse's hands tight. They're rough and dirty and Impulse's face is dirty and he's wearing goggles but that's Impulse. That's Impulse, who's wiping away the tears rolling down Zedaph's face.

"Hold on, hold on- Let me-" Impulse pulls away to snap his goggles onto his forehead. "It's you- I can't- It's really you." Zedaph sobs softly, falling forward and pressing the sides of their faces together. He reaches for Impulse's hair, burying his fingers into the strands. Together, they sway in place, legs shaking so much it's hard to stay up. "I don't- Zed-"

Zedaph laughs, high-pitched and hysterical, "I must be dreaming, I must be." Impulse joins his laughter, grip on Zedaph tightening enough to leave white marks on his skin. There's barely an inch of space left between them.

"If you're dreaming then so am I." Impulse sounds breathless. Zedaph squeezes him, tears dampening both of their cheeks.

"I don't want it to end," he whispers, a hint of fear in his voice at the thought. If he could, he'd cling to this moment forever. His heart singing in his chest, Impulse's solid weight in his hands. Neither of them want to wake up.

"You're not dreaming," Xisuma says. They jump apart as they remember he's there. Zedaph wipes the tears from his cheeks. His other hand stays in Impulse's. Their knuckles are pale in each other's grip. "I can finish this tour later, give you some time together." Zedaph feels like he should protest Xisuma's kindness, but the only sound he could make would be broken noise. Impulse continues looking at him like he's the most precious of gems, or a project he's spent months on and finally finished.

"I'll let you know when we're finished with him," Impulse replies. Zedaph stares at him, taking in how he's aged. They've lost so much time. "Do you mind if it's in a month or so? Maybe a year?" Xisuma chuckles, smiling fondly.

"As much time as you need." He tells them, with a polite nod. Impulse just manages to nod back before Xisuma leaves the pair in the empty lab. They stare at each other, barely breathing. Zedaph traces one of the wrinkles that he swears weren't there before. Laugh lines. Worry lines.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm an old man." Zedaph laughs, pulling Impulse's goggles off so he can press their foreheads together. The bright lights of the lab catch their eyes, leaving them sparkling with tears. They fall into a comfortable silence. Together, in their own world - blind to the bright lights and deaf to the quiet hum of electricity. Focused on the other alone. Zedaph finally pulls away when he processes an earlier sentence, face scrunched in confusion.

"We're finished with him?" He questions. There's a swell of hope in his chest that he doesn't want to believe. He wants to cling to it, doesn't want it to be crushed. Impulse nods, ever so slightly.

"Tango. He's here too. He's- Zed, he missed you so much." The swell spills over. Impulse clutches him tight as Zed sobs, entire body shaking with the force. He falls into Impulse's chest, firm hands keeping him upright. Eventually, the sobs quiet into shaking breaths and Impulse moves his hands to cup Zedaph's cheeks, looking into blue eyes. "Zed would- do you want to see him?" Zedaph nods, nails digging into the strap of his rucksack.

"Does- Would he want to see me?" Impulse smiles, nodding in return. He swipes his thumbs across Zed's cheeks, disrupting the tear tracks left there.

"Zed, he'd want nothing more. Both of us have wanted nothing more than to see you since- since-" Zedaph cries again at the thought. It's been so, so long.

"Yeah-" He agrees, "Yeah, me too."

It takes them several minutes until they can separate enough to walk. Impulse leads the way through the ship. Their pace is close to running, Impulse navigating the way to the lower decks on pure instinct. Between them, their hands stay clasped together, never loosening. Zedaph's other hand rests on his bag strap. The Hermits they pass don't interrupt. A few watch with knowing smiles.

"Tango!" Impulse calls as they grow closer to the engine bays. Zedaph's pace slows and Impulse smiles in encouragement, nudging their shoulders together. He tries to smile back, air caught in his throat, tears ready to spill again. His emotions are haywire: anxiety, excitement, fear, elation. He's feeling so much.

"Impulse!" Tango's voice echoes from deeper into the bays. Impulse leads Zed in, watching his wide eyes focus at the voice. Zedaph feels like his body is giving out beneath him. He's going to shake apart. "What brings you here?"

"I'm- Not here for me, actually." Tango pulls himself out from under one of the cables. He stretches, eyes closed and a wrench in his hand. He's wearing a simple dress, the heat in the bays comfortable enough for him without his suit. Then he opens his eyes and freezes with his arms still above his head. Zedaph steps a little further behind Impulse, both of his hands tensing. Impulse squeezes back.

"Impulse?" Tango asks, looking between them both. His red eyes are wide, arms lowering awkwardly. "Is that- Are you?" Impulse nods, turning to Zed.

"Yeah, yeah, it really is." Impulse squeezes Zedaph's hand again, gently encouraging him forward. Zedaph's already crying. He seems to be doing a lot of that.

"Tango," he whispers. Tango can't hold back any longer, running forward so he can hold Zedaph's face in his hands. The wrench clatters to the floor as Tango wipes across Zedaph's cheeks. He looks into those blue eyes and knows his are just as teary. Zedaph allows Impulse to take the rucksack from his back, lower it to the floor.

"Zed." Tango rubs along Zedaph's hairline. The way he leans into the touch is so familiar Tango can only cry. "Nether, it's- I can't believe-" Zed nods, holding him desperately.

"I can't either," he agrees with a wobbling voice. Impulse wraps his arms around Zedaph's chest, resting his head on Zed's warm shoulder. They all cling to each other with no intention of letting go.

"Did you know?" Tango asks, looking between Impulse and Zed. And he can look between them. They're both here, in front of him. All three of them in one place, safe and- He used to dream about this, he never thought it could be a reality.

"No," Impulse tells him, "I had no idea. None at all."

"I didn't-" Zed agrees, "I- I really didn't- I never even guessed." He reaches back for Impulse's hand, legs finally giving up. He makes a soft noise as he drops, the two quick to support him and lower them to the ground. The trio continue hugging each other on the hot floor of the bay. There's no way of telling where each of them start and end, limbs tangled into a pile.

Impulse buries his face against Zedaph's back, Tango weeping openly. The sound of their cries echo in the bay. None of them care. Why think about the world around them when they can focus on each other? How they feel in each other's arms, the heat of Tango's hair, Zedaph's fingers twitching in Impulse's hand and Tango's dress. Convincing themselves they're not dreaming. This is real.

"Wait, wait, wait-" Zed leans back from them both, reaching for his bag. He digs around his shawl until he pulls out a small band of twisted woollen threads, thinned and snapped. "I- I kept it. It's broken but I kept it-" Tango draws Zed back into their hold with a hand on his cheek. His other hand wipes away tears.

"Oh, Zed." Tango's voice is so soft. "You- How do you never fail to surprise us?" Impulse laughs, settling his chin on Zedaph's shoulder. Their heads automatically lean towards each other.

"I'm so glad you do," Impulse says, squeezing Zed's hand. "This is the best surprise I could ever ask for." Zedaph breathes out, words completely lost to him.

"Hey," Tango smiles at them, bottomless love in his eyes. "You can make us new ones now." Zedaph gasps through tears, nodding eagerly.

"Yeah," he agrees, rubbing his eyes on Tango's hand, "I can."

-

They end up in one of the sleeping dens. Zedaph is curled between them, feeling more relaxed than he has in years. Tango is in front of him, an arm around him whilst Impulse's hand rubs his cheek. Zed nudges comfortably into their holds, enjoying the longed for contact with his herd. Tango's hair is secured in a fireproof wrap. Zedaph knows from experience that it's hot but he has the urge to poke it anyway. For old times sake. Thankfully, Impulse notices, grabbing Zedaph's hand and pulling it down. Zed twists to see him, smiling cheekily as Impulse shakes his head.

"What are you two doing?" Tango questions, peering at them with gentle eyes. Impulse turns to Zedaph again, both of them breaking into smiles. Zed brings a hand up to stifle his giggles.

"He was going to touch your wrap," Impulse answers. Zedaph's laughter grows in volume as he curls into Tango, hiding his face.

"Zed!" Tango cries, "I know it's been awhile, man, but-"

"You shut your mouth!" Zed's voice is muffled, cheeks red and sore from smiling. Tango digs his fingers into Zedaph's woollen curls, laughing as a few fall loose. Oh, how he's missed that texture. Impulse sighs, pulling Zed closer to his chest unconsciously. Tango moves with him.

"It's been way too long," Impulse says, voice quiet as he speaks. "Gods, Zed, we just- we just didn't know. We thought you were-" Tango hums, cutting off Impulse's sentence. But Zedaph only nods, face poking up again. His head rolls to the side, expression turning sad, even if it's briefly.

"I- I thought so too. I-" He freezes. On unsteady hands, he tries to push himself up. "Skizz." The word is urgent in his mouth. "Is he okay? Was he safe?" Impulse lowers him back onto Tango by brushing his fingers across Zed's hairline.

"He's fine," he tells him. "We talk often, he's been doing great for himself. Oh, he's- he's going to be so happy we've found you. None of us could, we looked so hard." Zedaph nudges until he's comfortable again, letting the words sink in. Skizz is safe. They're all safe. It's a dream come true.

"I searched too," he says, "I really did." Tango rubs his fingers across Zed's cheek. His skin is warm against Zed's. It always is.

"We know," Tango replies. Impulse hums, nodding against his head. They're not going to talk about Tango and Impulse. Zed- He doesn't need to know the arguments between them. How Tango gave up on this moment. It's not something he needs to worry about. Right now, they're together. They're holding Zedaph in their arms and it doesn't even feel real.

"I don't want to lose you guys again." Zedaph's voice breaks, lost hands clutching at them. "I feel like I'm going to wake up and-"

"You're not," Impulse promises. "We're going to be right here."

"You're not getting rid of us." Tango wipes away the dampness on Zed's eyelashes before it can spill over once more. "Like, you're going to wish you could get rid of us kinda 'not getting rid of us'." That gets Zed to laugh again and they both smile at the sound. Zed closes his eyes with a gentle sigh.

"I'm so lucky," he decides. "I can't believe it."

"So are we!" Tango exclaims. "I mean- Look at you! Cuddled up between us!"

"Mm, lucky to have me." Zed finishes the sentence with a yawn. Impulse scratches along his hairline again with soft, tired eyes.

"Yeah, we are," he murmurs, sinking down into the cuddle. "Get some sleep, yeah?" Zed hums. He's out like a light. Tango watches him, taking in every change on Zedaph's face. The length of his hair, small scars on his skin. But, much to their delight, he still makes those quiet noises in his sleep. His fingers still twitch. He still seeks out their warmth.

It's only once Tango's certain Zed's sleeping that he looks up, finding Impulse's gaze. Impulse sleepily tilts his head in question. Tango has to think before he speaks, tracing circles into Zed's arm.

"I'm- I'm really sorry, Impulse." Impulse's face opens up in shock.

"Hey, no," he quickly rebuts. "You have nothing to apologise for, Tango." He falls silent for a few seconds and Tango can see him searching for words. He waits for Impulse to speak again. "You did what you had to do to move on. I get it. As much as I wanted to believe, I- I never really expected this day to come, either."

"I guess we were both fools." Impulse laughs, so quiet in their little den.

"Well-" He smiles, the expression natural to them both, "-Nothing's changed then, has it?"

"I guess not." Tango rubs Zedaph's cheek once more, finally able to relax into the hold. There will be time in the future.

They've got so much more time than they thought they did.

[star-captain]

So Much Better

Angst? Yes please! I’ve had the honor to give Red’s au life, to create a story around his amazing artwork. And I can’t help but latch onto the dramatic scene of Edolas Mumbo meeting his Hermit self. 

The Edolas team has found themselves in the Hermit world, and are meeting people with the same face, but different personality. Edolas Mumbo’s insecurities rise and boil over when he comes face to face with a better version of himself.

Edolas AU belongs to @theguardiansofredland

Warning: Alcoholism, Violence, drug mention

It’s been some time since the hermits have been open to visitors from other worlds. A new world can be stressful, and it’s best just to keep to themselves while they sort it all out. Better to deal with their own chaos before adding in someone else’s. But eventually, trouble finds them. 

From the Edolas world, it was just natural to explore what’s beyond. Xisuma makes it impossible not to be curious about what’s on the other side of his crazy portals he macgyvers together. And when Scar ultimately pushes Mumbo in, Grian has to jump after. Everyone else follows in after, with Impulse being dragged in last by an overzealous Zedaph. Black ground bursts out from the portal, massive stone pillars capturing the energy of floating crystals between the tongs. Purple mist swirls beneath the glass at their feet, every so often lightning snapping across the cloudy air. 

“Oh, that definitely didn’t take long.” Scar chuckles, peering over the nether portal. “Though I definitely was expecting visitors of the more...pig variety.” 

“Scar?” Edolas Grian coos, tilting his head and looking at the man above the crowd. He has the exact same face, the same voice as Scar, but he acts completely different. He’s...well, he’s cheery, friendly. 

“That’s not me man.” Edolas Scar growls, looking at the dopey version of himself before him. 

“Aha! I knew it! Alternate Universes! Worlds with the same people, experiencing different choices!” Edolas Xisuma scrabbles up the smooth obsidian monument, practically hopping onto Scar and scaring the daylights out of him. “They are obviously nothing like us! I mean, this Scar here is in his underwear!” 

“Hey, it’s not my fault the infinity portal forgot my pants!” Scar whines. He looks across the group, pushing the feral scientist off his perch. They all look like his friends, and yet nothing like the other hermits. It’s creepy. It’s cool. It’s magical. “You should definitely check out the other hermits, then. They’re a pretty awesome bunch, if I do say so myself.” 

“If they’re anything like you, they’re bound to be strange.” Mumbo grumbles, keeping close to Grian. He’d rather just go back to his world. He doesn’t want to meet with whatever there is out in this world. And he definitely doesn’t want to see what his alternate self is like. If he’s nothing like Mumbo, then he’s obviously not cool. He’s obviously a dork, a baby. He’s probably...Mumbo shakes the thoughts away from his head. He’s not letting those thoughts give themselves credence. If only he had some vodka on him, there’s no faster way to get rid of such thoughts. 

So of course the first person Scar offers for them to see is this world’s Mumbo. “I think him and the other Architechs are doing some sort of get together. I know Iskall and Mumbo are partners, but I don’t know what Grian has to offer. Cactus maybe?” 

“Why would this place’s Iskall want to partner with Mumbo? I can hardly stand this jackass.” Edolas Iskall sneers, glaring at Mumbo. Mumbo flips the bird back, hiding it from Grian. He knows Grian doesn’t like getting into arguments, but Mumbo thrives off conflict. He tries to keep it hidden from his friend. To keep him from getting anxiety from the tension. 

“Mumbo is a really cool dude. Trust me, his work is amazin. “ Scar cheers, guiding the crew into the depths of the jungle, heading westward. “He’s super smart, he makes these machines that just blow my mind with all kinds of redstone.” 

“Definitely the opposite of our Mumbo. I don’t think he can count to ten...unless it’s ten shots.” Edolas Scar hisses, stepping way too close to Mumbo’s personal space for his liking. Mumbo shoves him away, muscles tightening as he listens to Scar talk. Both Scars are beyond annoying, for different reasons. The Scar Mumbo knows is annoying because he’s a prick, a jackass who can’t shut his mouth unless it’s broken for him. This ‘hermit’ Scar is annoying because he won’t be quiet about things. He won’t stop talking about all the amazing achievements that his Mumbo has done. An entire company with automated delivery, walking houses and hands-free machines. 

The more Scar talks about Hermit Mumbo, the more Edolas Mumbo hates him. He’s smart, and popular. Even this Scar likes him. Mumbo, on the other hand, struggles to even keep Grian around. Why would Grian want to stay around him? He’s not smart, or popular. He’s not jubilant or silly like this one seems to be. No, Edolas Mumbo is a piece of shit with nothing good to his name. The only thing he’s smart on is the best kind of drinks and drugs, he’s only popular when it comes to seducing people. 

The group arrives at the quiet river, the potatoes growing before the circular hovel nestled in the hillside. Across the river, a series of machines are running at lightning pace. Xisuma can’t help being drawn to the inventions, optimized to give the best products in the shortest amount of time. Iron farms working nonstop, sugarcane growing as fast as possible, and a smelter cooking without a single coal wasted. 

“Hey Mumbo! I have some friends that would love to meet you!” Scar yells, poking his head through where a door should be. It seems Scar isn’t the only one to fall victim of the Jungle Bandit. 

“I wouldn’t say ‘love’.” Mumbo hisses. He winces as Grian slaps his shoulder lightly. 

“Be kind, Mumbo. We’re guests, and you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover.” Grian whispers. 

Three familiar faces peer out the massive glass window. All three are easy to identify, though some more than others. Iskall still has his emerald eye, but rather than an eternal frown on his face, his cheeks are creased with dimples. Grian has an evil glint in his eye, practically rushing down the ladder to meet the strangers at the doorstep. 

The two Mumbo’s simply stare at one another. The same face, same black hair and smooth mustache, on completely different people. Hermit Mumbo’s hair is slicked back, neat and tidy. His mustache is well trimmed, and he wears a well tailored suit. Edolas Mumbo’s hair sticks out in every direction, like he just woke up from a drunken stupor. Probably because he did. Piercings litter his face, cool metal brushing against his frazzled mustache and hair. Mumbo looks at his clothes, dirty and stained with alcohol and...well, other things. He just grabbed whatever was the least dirty, wore it out to party last night then fell asleep in it. 

Hermit Grian flies up, locking in on his counterpart. Edolas Grian squeaks, hiding behind Mumbo. “Whoa, I look good in every world.” 

Grian tugs on his bowtie, gulping as he dares to look closer at himself. Hermit Grian can barely keep still, bouncing from foot to foot and even fluttering the elytra wings on his back. Mumbo steps back between the two, seeing the mischievous glitter in Hermit Grian’s eyes. He’s seen that kind of trouble before. This one is a little shit. A gremlin. Nothing like the ball of anxiety behind him. Edolas Grian couldn’t even knock over a punching bag without apologizing. 

Hermit Grian looks up, surprised by the angry face. He’s not sure if he’s ever seen Mumbo make that kind of a stare. Daggers cutting through him, like some terrifying biker or punk rocker. “I don’t know if I like Mumbo with ear piercings however.” 

“Tough, because they’re staying.” If anything, now he wants to get more. Just to spite the gremlin in front of him. 

“You’re me?” Mumbo questions, appearing from his hobbit hole. “Wow...I look...I look…” Mumbo is at a loss of words, glancing over his Edolas counterpart. He looks badass, like some guy who knows how to find trouble and win. He’d make a better mole than Hermit Mumbo. 

But under the gaze of Hermit Mumbo, Edolas Mumbo can feel every part of him being scrutinized. His sloppy dress, the alcohol on his breath. Every insecurity, every vice and weakness is under a microscope. 

“This is the man of the hour, let me just say. I mean, look at this awesome iron farm he just built!” Scar waves the group over to Mumbo’s work. “How many iron ingots does it make?” 

Hermit Mumbo scuffles his feet, blushing. “Oh, something like 3,000 ingots and hour. It’s not the fastest, but it’s more than enough for me.” 

Mumbo rolls his eyes as the others gasp in awe. What a waste of energy. Who even needs 3,000 ingots? Mumbo can think of a thousand better things to waste his time on than making such ridiculous contraptions. Hermit Mumbo is just lazy. Smart, smarter than Edolas Mumbo, but surely he’s lazy. 

At least, until he starts to show his current project. Edolas Grian gravitates towards Hermit Mumbo, enjoying the calm and funny personality. And that infuriates Mumbo. Even his best friend things this useless brainiac is better than him? Grian points at the half-finished machine, in awe with wide eyes. Wrapped into the conversation. “What does this do, Mumbo?” 

Hermit Mumbo goes into some long winded explanation, and the second Mumbo hears his own voice, he tunes out. But he can’t help but watch as his own friends are rapt with Mumbo’s words. Xisuma is taking notes at a feverish pace, and even Scar is listening to the suited version of Mumbo. 

No one is better than me. Mumbo reminds himself. He may not be as smart, or as popular, or as funny, or as kind as Hermit Mumbo. But he’s cooler. He’s sly, he’s independent, he’s the life of the fucking party. This guy… this guy can’t stop talking about t-flops or whatever. 

Edolas Mumbo sneers as Edolas Scar looms close, resting his arm on Mumbo’s jacket. “Would you look at that. Even your best friend prefers this version to you.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Mumbo steps back, letting Scar fall flat on his face. But Mumbo looks at Grian, both Grians listening intently to Mumbo show off his spectacular knowledge. The machine starts to fire, turning the farm on and beginning it’s collection. 

Even he is better than me. Mumbo can’t build incredible designs, machines that make life easier, that astonish and astound. Machines that Mumbo could never even begin to imagine, much less build himself. He can hardly even get the key of his own apartment into the lock most days. Mumbo can’t make friends, even the people he hangs out with most would rather eat fermented spider eye than call him an ally. He’s not funny unless he’s got a cocktail of drugs mixing up his mind and body. And the last thing anyone, even Grian, would call Mumbo is kind. He’s an asshole, a bastard. A rubbish friend and an even more rubbish person. A waste of space. A waste of time, a waste of effort.

Mumbo rolls his eyes, but he hears Edolas Grian’s bright voice over the amazement of the others. “You’re so cool, Mumbo! You can make all this incredible stuff, and you’re smart enough to explain it all. And kind enough to show us it all, I can’t imagine thinking of all this. This has to be why so many people ask you for help!” 

Edolas Mumbo can hear something snap, like a bone breaking in his own mind. His own heart. Grian never called him smart, or kind. No one has ever called him anything except a bastard, or a fucker, or an asshole. He hardly feels his fists clench, looking at his own face. How long has Mumbo wanted to punch himself, to beat himself up? To give him what he deserves? How often has he looked in the mirror, drunk and high, and just wanted to knock himself out? 

“Oh, it’s nothing really, mate. I’m honestly not that good, you should see something like Impulse.” Hermit Mumbo overs a shy smile, eyes closed as he smooths back his hair. His awkward chuckle is cut short as a rough grip wraps around his neck. Hermit Mumbo’s legs kick out as the raging grip raises him from the grass. He forces his eyes open, hand grabbing at the tattooed arm- of himself. 

“Stop being better than me!” Edolas Mumbo shouts, fists shaking and a prick of tears burning at the corners of his eyes. Mumbo looks down the arm holding him up, head tipped high but eyes glancing down to see his own face. He gasps for air, holding onto the arm suspending him in the air. And despite being physically in peril, he can see that he’s not the one suffering as much as Edolas Mumbo. In shared grey eyes, he can see the pain, the fear. 

Edolas Mumbo is terrified. Everyone thinks this Mumbo is so much better- because they’re right. He is a thousand times better than him. Scar prefers him, Xisuma prefers him. Even his best friend, Grian, prefers this Mumbo to him. They’ll ditch Mumbo in no time, in lieu of so much better a version. He’s nothing compared to the amazing, perfect person he has grasped in his hand. He’s just a bastard, someone that everyone hates. Someone that everyone wants gone. 

“Mumbo! Stop it, what are you thinking?” Both Mumbos look over, seeing Edolas Grian with tears streaking down his face. Torn between wanting to tell his friend off for being so aggressive, and wanting to calm him down. But for Edolas Mumbo, seeing his best friend crying because of him lets him know that he’s done it again. He’s fucked it all up again, because he can’t handle his own emotions. He can’t control himself, he can’t be anything except a piece of shit and a walking disaster. 

Mumbo let’s go of his own neck, lightly setting Hermit Mumbo onto his feet. The tiny tears have grown to full floods, guilt and regret and hatred all boiling over. Despite the soft landing, Mumbo still falls to his knees, trying to regain control of his heartbeat and body. He looks up, wanting to ask himself what the problem was. Why he was more afraid than Hermit Mumbo. 

But he’s gone, a cavity bored through the crowd that surrounded him. Hermit Grian steps in, looking at Mumbo’s neck. It’s red, but not bruised. Despite the anger in Edolas Mumbo’s grip, he couldn’t bring himself to actually hurt another person for no reason other than wanting to bring pain to himself. Grian looks at the shaking Grian. “I think he needs some help.” 

---------------------------

“Mumbo?” Grian whispers, peeking his head into the empty bar. It’s midday, but he knew that if Mumbo was going to go anywhere, it was here. This is his favorite haunt, where he can get the cheapest prices on drinks, find the best new addictions, and hit up the next morning’s mistake. 

There’s only two people in the dark, smoky bar. The bartender, who nods to the end of the line of stools. The darkest corner. Mumbo is surrounded by an assortment of bottles, shots, and whiskey glasses. Mumbo’s head is against the glistening and sticky counter, hand still clutching the current bottle. Grian creeps closer, clambering onto the stool next to Mumbo. 

“I thought you’d rather be with that perfect version of me.” Mumbo growls, turning his gaze away from his friend. “And why wouldn’t you, huh?” 

“Mumbo, I-” Grian flinches back as Mumbo snaps at him, cutting him off. He can smell the alcohol on his breath. This may not be the first time Grian has had to help Mumbo through a bout of alcohol poisoning. Hopefully he won’t need the hospital this time. 

“Just leave me, get something better than this piece of shit. Someone smarter than me, kinder than me. Someone who can actually do something useful with their life. Who’s good at so many things. Redstone, being nice, being funny and friendly and smart and such a great person!” Mumbo grasps the bottle in his hand until the glass shatters, shards digging into his skin. Grian has never seen his best friend so low. He’s afraid, not for his own safety. For Mumbo’s. “And what am I good at? Nothing. Nothing except overdosing in an alley outside a bar.” 

Mumbo’s head snaps to the side, cheek stinging and burning red. His eyesight is set straight, free from the drunken stupor for just a moment. Just enough to look back, and see Grian. With his hand still up, and his face creased with sorrow and tears. Deep valleys as he holds back his own cries. Not because he’s sad for himself. But sad for Mumbo. “How could you say such a thing? How could you honestly think that any of us would want you any different than who you are?” 

“Because he’s-” 

“Because he’s you? He’s not you, Mumbo. He’s got a different world, a different life. A different place that he grew up in. A different set of vices and worries than you.” Grian scoots the stool closer, forcing Mumbo to listen. “He’s smart, and kind. But that doesn’t make us ever want to get rid of you! You are wild, and clever, and there’s not another person in this world that would step into a fight for any one of us. Even for Scar, if it came down to it.” 

“Great, so I’m just you guys’s bodyguard.” Mumbo hisses, looking at the glass buried in his fingers. 

“No, Mumbo! Just...for once listen to me, for fuck’s sake!” The sharp curse that crosses over Grian’s lips is enough to snap Mumbo back to his words. Grian never swears, he’s too much of a goody-two-shoes for that. “We are your friends because we want to be! We hang out with you because we enjoy it! Just because one person is different than you doesn’t mean you’re any better or worse!” 

Mumbo’s voice is gone from his lips, and all he can do is breathe in and out. He can’t think of any retort for Grian’s words. Just one thing. “I messed up, Grian.” 

“We all mess up. But the important thing is learning from it. Learning from our mistakes, and being better from it. Maybe...one day we can go back and smooth things over with Hermit Mumbo. But...for now, let’s get you some help.”

[spruceplank]

Glitch06

First // Previous //Current // Next >> --------- Also on ao3!

At first it wasn’t noticeable. Maybe the blocks you just broke would suddenly go back to where they had been. Maybe your hits wouldn’t connect with the mob you were hitting. Then it slowly got worse and worse. And then the world around them started to vanish.

And that was only the beginning.

“Falsie?” someone was calling her name, who was it? They sounded familiar, “You back with us Falsie?”

Groaning she rubbed at her head. What an awful headache, “Ugghhhh what happened?” 

Blinking against the light she tried to adjust to the seething brightness and searing pain in her head. Good lord had someone dropped an anvil on her head?

“Hey False look at me please?” Xisuma, that was Xisuma’s voice to her left. She turned to look at him and was taken aback because his visor was off? Xisuma rarely took that off. She could count the number of times it had happened on her two hands. “Whatever is was seems to be gone now, how do you feel Falsie?”

“I, I feel like someone dropped an anvil on my head.” she rasped out slowly looking around the room. Xisuma, Ren, Wels, and Joe took up most of her field of vision. They were in her bedroom, and there were a lot of people in here. 

“Is Falsie good?” Iskall walked up and peered over Joe’s shoulder. 

“Yeah aside from a bad headache,” Xisuma explained, “how’s Grian?”

“Still unconscious,” Iskall looks worriedly over his shoulder, between him and Joe she could see Grian slumped against the wall with purple wisps flying around him. Mumbo and Zedaph were frantically talking to Cub and Scar. Off to the side Doc stood with Tango and Impulse who were speaking between themselves. “No one can really figure out what happened.”

She looked around at all the other hermits worriedly, “Guys what happened?” 

None of them looked at her, except Ren who had yet to stop staring at her face since she had woken up. 

“Falsie, is it really you this time?” He stared at her in disbelief, voice quiet in a way that she cannot remember ever hearing before. 

“Of course it’s me, what are you -”

Shes immediately cut off by a body slamming into hers and a loud wail. She barely stops the back of her head from hitting the wall. She awkwardly starts to rub his back as he sobs into her shoulder. What, what happened? She forgets to breathe as her eyes catch up to her brain and she remembers how he looked. Red angry scabs cover most of his face and neck. What had happened? 

The others startle at the sound and turn to look at her. Across all her friends faces she can just see the instant they see her they all seem to calm down. Ren continues to sob and there’s nothing she can do but stare blankly at the air and worry for her friend.

She looks up at X and meets his eyes, “X, what, what happened?”

X only looks sadly at Ren before looking back at her, visior gone she’s able to clearly see the exhaustion on his face and the worry in his eyes. She can hear it in his voice, the tired defeat, when he speaks quietly, “Actually, we don’t really know what happened. We were hopping you could tell us.”  

And so she does, once Ren calms down a little at least. She had started her day out like any other. Getting up, checking her messages, gathering things she would need for that days project. She’d set off down to her mines and was messaging Ren about plans they had made for later in the day. She’d mined for a while and got an inventory full of goods and decided to head back up. She had stopped responding to Ren because trying to type with a full inventory was a struggle and he could wait for a response until she walked back up out of the mines. Yet on the way back towards the stairs she saw a diamond sword laying on the ground. Tossing some coal out of her inventory she picked it up. The second she grabbed the hilt a voice seemed to echo inside her head. Though it was quiet, it was all she could hear in a strange voice that didn’t sound like anything she had ever heard before, “ᴡᴀᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ”. 

“Then the next thing I knew, I woke up with a splitting headache and everyone gathered around worrying.” she explained. 

“A sword, just lying there?” X repeated back to her, baffled. 

She nodded, “Yeah it was really strange.”

“Did it look enchanted or anything?” Impulse asked.

She thought about it for a moment and then shook her head,“Not that I could tell, what happened to the sword?”

“It’s vanished.” Tango cut in from where he was leaned up against the wall, “When Grian killed you it didn’t drop with the rest of your items, it just vanished.”

“When Grian? Why did Grian kill me!” 

Tango looked over at Grian as he spoke, “We just had pinned you down and then we managed to tie you up so you couldn’t maneuver the sword. Then once Grian and X showed up, Grian just… something happened.”

“What does that mean?” 

Zedaph shuffled and looked at the ground, “Itw… it was like he wasn’t even Grian anymore…” 

There was a pause. Everyone seemed to shuffle around unsure of what to do now. X, ever the leader, spoke up, “Well I don’t think we can really get answers on that front until he wakes up, so-”

“What did the voice sound like?” Scar interrupted. She looked over at him and he was staring directly at her. She knew, only from that look in his eyes, that somehow he had heard the exact same face.  

“What was that Scar?” X asked. 

“The voice that said wake up, what did it sound like?” Scar repeated, searching her face for the answer they both already knew. 

Maybe for the others in the room or maybe just so they would both know for sure she answered, “Distorted. Glitchy. Ominous. Creepy.” 

“I think I heard that voice too.” Scar admitted softly. 

Cub looked worriedly at Scar, “When you were stuck in that chunk?” 

“Wait, when what happened?” Joe asked. 

Everyone looked to him to explain. He really didn’t want to. He didn’t want to relive that for even a second. But they had to figure out what was going on. And now that voice had spoken to False as well. Jellie purred in his arms and curled up closer to him if that was even possible. Jellie was here with him, he could do this. So he took a deep breath and explained what had happened.

He’d stopped along the way to Hermitville to renovate another village he had found. He had wanted to try out some ideas and after renovating the village in a futuristic modern style. He finally felt all set to head out to Hermitville. Him and Jellie were just walking through the taiga, enjoying nature and taking it slow. It was nice out and it was nice to just walk for once, but something happened. 

He took a step and the ground beneath him vanished in a flash. The entire chunk he had just stepped into became just empty space. .For a minute he was just frozen there in midair. He couldn’t see anything. He assumed he was floating, he didn’t feel like he was falling. But without sight he couldn’t be sure. And then the noise started. It was a horrible buzzing noise that was just at the end of his hearing range. His ears were ringing within seconds. After a few minutes it started to become painful. He thought he’d lose his hearing at the rate things were going. But the buzzing ended after what felt like an eternity, and something much much worse took its place. 

He could hear everything. The animals in the distance, cows mooing, wolfs barking, and sheep baaing. He could hear the wind in the leaves, the sound of things walking over the grass and dirt, and worst of all, he could hear Jellie. Jellie who walked in circles, back and forth, back and forth meowing sadly at where he probably was. Then that would fade and the buzzing would return.

It felt like an eternity. That he was stuck there. In pitch black darkness. Unable to move or even scream. Just the sound of his ears ringing or the world he had vanished from around him. He didn’t even hear Cub or Xisuma arrive, the ringing in his ears too loud to even think. One second he had been trapped in stasis. Cold, alone, and terrified, and the next he was on the ground. Cub reaching out to him. As the ringing in his ears faded out, and Cub’s voice started to flow in, there was a voice from what felt like everywhere, the universe itself, “I sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ”

There’s a heavy silence as he finishes his story. He’s only grounded in reality by Jellie’s soft purrs against his chest and Cub’s hand on his shoulder. Anything that would’ve been said though is quickly pushed aside when theres a soft groan from behind him. He shifts and sees Grian’s eyes blink open. 

However, no one even gets a word out before Grian’s eyes fly open and Scar can see the panic in them. Before he can even speak Grian has already thrown his hands out and the strange wisps of purple magic that had been in the air around him while he slept gather in his palms and pulse outwards. 

He doesn’t even have time to react as he’s thrown from his feet. It’s only years of stumbling while holding Jellie that he manages to maneuver so he falls backwards instead of forward onto Jellie. The breath in his lungs is knocked out as he hits the ground hard. Jellie jolts awake and meows loudly. Across from him he sees Mumbo, who landed less gracefully, face down and was slowly sitting up rubbing his head. In a cascade effect they have all seemed to have been knocked over. Those like him and Mumbo, closest to Grian, had fallen over completely, while those like False, across the room, only seemed started by the pulse of magic. 

He feels different when he starts to come to. Someone nearby is talking but he can’t understand what they’re saying. What he does understand is the magic in the air around him. It’s mad at him for forgetting about it for so long. It seems to dance in the air around him agitated about something. Its trying to talk to him but he doesn’t remember how to speak that language. He can feel it around him though. He tries to listen to it but he can’t really quiet get it. Blearily he tries to open his eyes. He can make out vague shapes in front of him and in his half awake state he can clearly see the magic that’s dancing around him. Then like he’s known the language his entire life, he can hear what the magic has been trying to tell him. In an urgency he can only recall fear from it calls to him, “wake up”

Maybe its the confusion, the abundant magic, forgotten things he can only recall echoes of, but something in his gut is terrified. And without even thinking about it, he sends the magic around him pulsing outwards. 

The loss of energy that comes from it brings him back to his senses as he hears several grunts and yelps as people fall over around him. Truly opening his eyes this time he finds himself sitting in a room full of his fellow hermits, most of which are on the ground in some form due to the magic that just bowled them over like sticks. 

“Uh… hi?” he greets awkwardly, not really knowing whats going on. He wants to say more but his and every other hermit’s communicators ding simultaneously, the way the only do when someones died. Pushing down the chilling fear that still has yet to release its grip on him, he pulls out his communicator only to be hit with a awful sense of deja vu. 

iJevin was finished off by Biffa2001 using [¡!フㄣㄣĿㄣㄣ:フリ]

[prismarine-parrots]

Tree of Life Pt. 1

Originally posted: 25 Feb. 2019

Ahahahahhaha

This five part-story earned me the title Thanos of Hermitcraft and created the first fanart and meme of any of my content. Send help for us all.

Part 2

Part 3

Part 3.5

Part 4

Part 5 (1)

Part 5 (2)

No one had seen Grian in three weeks.

Normally, it wouldn't be too surprising for people to be quiet for a while. Everyone working on their own projects and maybe not in the right area to see the person in question.

But something was different with this case. The player list said that Grian was online, not AFK, so not outside the server in the community hub or working on a different project on his channel. In this case, SOMEONE would normally at least see him restocking his traveling-cart-that-never-travels, or flying around his base wasting rockets, or at the very least bothering Mumbo Jumbo, his closest neighbor.

Mumbo himself had not been too worried at first. When it had been a couple days since Grian has visited he had sent a letter though their mail system to make sure that 1. The mail system might actually be used and 2. Make sure Grian was alright. Not twenty minutes later Grian had responded that he was fine, just busy at his base.

The next red flag was when Zedaph realized that the only reason his Quartz, Warts, and Shorts shop was making sales was because Grian's cheaper traveling cart next door hadn't been restocked in weeks. While at first he was a little miffed at this fact, this started to get him worried. Grian was normally fairly good about restocking his cart, sometimes with his own supplies instead of getting extra, even if not shown on camera he still made sales. With the mining desert and gravel pit nearly out of both materials, people had started regularly going to Grian's shop, hoping for more of those grindy blocks in which he specialized.

When Iskall had private messaged Grian asking if he wanted to help prank DocM for the heck of it, Grian had declined, saying that he had been grinding blaze powder in the Nether. This has confused Iskall. Why did Grian need blaze powder? The only thing it was good for was eyes of Ender and potions. They had already beat the dragon and turned the End into a farm for shulkers and elytra, so needing eyes of Enders was off the list. But why did Grian need potions? Iskall has assumed a prank and asked if Grian wanted help with other potion ingredients, but he had declined in a rather cold "no," saying that the strawberry blonde didn't need any more stress right now.

It wasn't until someone not even on the Hermitcraft server, PearlescentMoon, messaged someone she knew was in the server to check on Grian, as he hadn't posted anything online in nearly three weeks, and hadn't given any explanation to where he may have gone.

When Iskall finally heard that he had called Mumbo, Xisuma, and False, hoping that maybe one of them could help.

"Heeeeyy Iskall!" X greeted as he swooped I'm in front of Grian's cart, where Iskall has thought to ironically meet because it was in the middle of the shopping district and an easy place to meet, not actually because they were here to talk about Grian.

"What's up?" False asked, using an ender pearl to warp into the side of the cart and bouncing off casually.

"Show off," Iskall muttered, recognizing the subtle PVP tactics. False grinned but before she could retort, Mumbo landed with a little stumble, grumbling about lag and elytra not working properly still.

"Hey Mumbo!" Iskall greeted cheerfully. Mumbo nodded silently as the others waved.

"Why have you called us, Iskall?" X asked curiously.

"Right, right," the Swede started, glancing around the small group, "now that we're all here, I'm going to get straight to the point. Has anyone seen Grian recently?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"I've been by his base a couple of times, but he's never there. He's replied to my texts at least, but hasn't shown up around my base in a while," Mumbo immediately recalled with a frown.

Xisuma was on his phone, a tool that everyone had for chat, inventory, surfing the web outside the server, everything. "It says he's online," he noted, turning the screen the other way and showing the online player list.

"He's been online for weeks," False informed, "Every time I've looked he's been on anyway."

"And yet no one has seen him? I was hoping that maybe you had seen him on another part of the server, like your fantasy district, False." Iskall sighed. The blonde girl shook her head.

"I think we should check on him. This usually isn't like him," X decided, prepping a rocket.

"I was wondering if there might be a glitch somewhere, and that's why he's been so weird. That's why I called you, X," Iskall explained as he took out a stack of rockets from his backpack.

"And I'm here because I'm closest to him I'm assuming, not because of my redstone or that I'm a spoon," Mumbo sighed jokingly. Everyone got a quick laugh out of that before Iskall patted Mumbo's back rather hard, making him stumble, before they all took off over the shoulder of the Statue of Hermity.

Within minutes the group was circling the massive tower in the middle of the ocean, an insane project for the newest member of Hermitcraft.

"See anything?" False called to anyone nearby.

"Nothing! Looks empty to me!" X replied.

Iskall blasted out of the bottom floor entrances. "The towers are mob traps, don't go in there!" he screeched, sounding thoroughly spooked.

"What about the basement? Or the upper floors?" Mumbo asked.

"He has a basement?" False questioned.

Iskall nodded. "I'll check there. False, want to come with? Mumbo and X, you go check upstairs. Sound good?"

With a quick confirmation from everyone, the pairs split to search the futuristic wedding cake.

Iskall had been down to the basement a few times before, if only in the first few weeks of Hermitcraft Season 6 when Grian actually USED his basement. There were chests down there that were collecting dust, and some poor cows trapped in a nano farm the NHO apparently never discovered.

"Oh my gosh, Iskall! Look at this!" False called from somewhere ahead.

"Coming!" Iskall replied and tried to find where False had gone off to.

He skidded to a halt when he found her on the edge of an opening in the shoddy basement, facing a massive opening in the rock.

"Woah," Iskall breathed. The cave was huge and clearly manmade, and the Swede wondered how long it must have taken for Grian to dig and terraform and decorate the cavern.

No to mention the large egg-shaped build floating in the air in the center of the cave.

"I think we found Poultry Man," False smirked.

"So calling G our on it when we find him," Iskall laughed. Then both his and False's phone buzzed.

<xisumavoid> come to the top of of the tower

"Let's go then!" False cheered.

They shot out of the bubble columns through the body of water underneath Grian's base and launched through the holes in the middle of each layer to the top.

"Too far guys!" Mumbo's voice called as they flew through the top layer.

"Oops!" Iskall chuckled.

"Coming right back down!" False called and they two glided into the smallest layer.

Xisuma and Mumbo were inside a vibrant garden that was in the top layer. There were vines growing up the sides of the cyan glass and parrots that squawked warily from a distance.

But the most eye-catching thing was the tree that grew to the side.

"What in the world?" False breathed when she landed.

"Don't know, but it doesn't look great," Xisuma said shortly, already on his phone and tapping at controls and Admin commands.

Iskall landed beside Mumbo, who was examining the tree intently with a concerned frown and creased eyebrows.

Every hermit on the server's life force was tied to a special tree. It was something new that they were trying, to prevent less deaths and item losses by being more careful and to fix a few issues that had happened on the technical side from previous seasons. A lot of the trees were unique to look like each Hermit, such as DocM's being rather sharply split between green and grey or Scar's currently being a palm tree. Most of the time they were no big deal. Each time a hermit died, the tree would take some damage in some way, such as a leaf dropping to the ground. Unless it was several deaths in a row, you couldn't even notice the difference in the tree. And even if you did die a lot, if you played it safe for a couple days your tree would be back to normal again in no time.

But this was different.

Grian's tree here in his aviary looked half-dead. It was normally a fairly simple oak tree, but with autumn red leaves instead of green. But half the leaves were fallen, dry on the ground, and the ones still on the tree were either brown or purple. A limb had even fallen, splintered and leaning against the trunk of the tree itself.

"Grian..." Mumbo murmured. He couldn't imagine what had happened for this to be the cause, or how Grian must be feeling if his tree was like this.

"What happened?” Iskall wondered, he started to approach the tree, but Xisuma called him back.

"It doesn't look like the tree has been healing over time properly," X muttered under his breath, his expression serious as he analyzed the details coming up on the server monitoring screen of his phone.

"We all know Grian dies a lot, could that be the cause?" False suggested nervously. X shook his head.

"This is over a long span of time, probably since the start of the season even."

"And Grian hasn't died since he's gone silent. It's not hard to miss a death message in the chat," Mumbo recalled, also pulling up the server chat on his own phone, "It's been three weeks, that should be plenty of time for the tree to have healed without any interruptions."

The sound of a firework going off and a rush of air as elytra closed up. The four hermits jumped as a newcomer stumbled into the garden, losing his balance and catching the broken branch to hold himself up as he landed.

"Guys?" A very pale- and sick-looking Grian breathed, before coughing into his arm and sliding to the ground.

"I think something's wrong..."

------------------------

Word Count: 1830

[lyraeon]

Alright yeah we doin this

An incomplete list of current headcanons for Homestuck Classpects of Hermits (a work in progress)

(Updated on Feb 9 after the war's end made me realize a few things)

Joe has been throwing around big Rogue energy the last few weeks. Living in other people’s bases/borrowed spaces around the server, weaponizing stuff that’s frankly not weaponry, casually trying to bend the rules to pass over the moat, sneaking fans onto the server, creating a diss track in a matter of hours and “including” his teammates into it... all from a pacifist standpoint, mind you. I’m currently saying Rogue of Space. Edit: No no no I'm a goddamn fool. Wow. Joe is a Heart player. So I'm going with Rogue of Heart, though this revelation also has me reevaluating the Rogue part a little.

Doc has long obviously been a Doom player - the rules are his plaything. I’m going with Thief of Doom specifically. He has duplicated countless items over the seasons, he will manipulate the truth for his own purposes, and honestly just? Oh we’re gonna casually make a precision creeper cannon, oh and btw we’re gonna shoot ourselves in on llamas while we’re at it.

Grian I haven’t been watching for anywhere near as long so I’m having a hard time pinning down his class (my instincts say Heir, but he’s so ready to cause chaos I can see Bard or Prince), but his aspect for me comes down to Breath or Hope. He got almost the entire rest of the server to play along on three of his games by now simply by saying okay these are happening everyone :D c’mon let’s goooo! For being the diving force behind most the season right now, I dub him an Heir of Hope.

Tango is a Light player - his luck is too extraordinary (how many times has he said “I could use __” and gotten it?), he knows too much, he is happy to use that information for crazy shit. Plus last season he put a giant nether base into the overworld and this season he’s holding up a lake with a force field. I’d previously written him down as Prince of Light, but he’s softened out so other arguments could be made.

Xisuma is a Mage, keeping things organized and level. I had him down as a Space player when I made my original list last season, but part of that was a joke about his volcano. Having multiple “hims” all logged in on the LPMT server to AFK for different things and keep things in line felt more Time player though, and he isn’t someone I’d consider myself an “expert” on, so I’ll write him as “Mage of Time” with a large-ish question mark beside it.

I’ve always enjoyed the joke of Life player Cleo - after all, she’s a zombie! But this season she’s brought in the armor stands, which have a life of their own... Plus she was very, very, very determined to win that Phantom hunt. Between those, and a bit of bias via her long-running Sims series, as of right now I have her as a Witch of Life.

Cub as Lord of Void and Scar as Muse of Breath. I know, I know, pulling out Lord and Muse are fighting words, but explain to me how the heck else they get as much done as they do. Was particularly motivated by last season - Cub creating the Cub Hub, Scar managing 18,000 miles flown, and the sheer scale of their projects. Cub basically magics things into existence (or out of existence - the absurd win on the Phantom Hunt, getting bored and just finishing digging the nether hub), while Scar is the root of all inspiration on that server and so beloved his cat’s now in the game. Doubles as fun because Void and Breath fit Vex Magic both thematically and color-wise.

Rendog is a Page. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules, he just is, you know it in your souls, and you know he would be proud of the dang outfit. I unfortunately don’t quite know what kind of Page though - currently my notes say Page of Heart.

Zedaph is a Bard of Life. I thought Page for him initially, too Wormman jokes but the man has to find the most difficult way to do everything and thrives on bases that blend into their surroundings. Also at one point he killed himself repeatedly to opera music just to troll people, so...

Stress’s is already suggested by her name - she’s a Maid of Rage. It makes more sense when you remember Rage is about emotions in general, rather than just actual rage, and see that her content, more than anyone else’s, feels ruled by her emotions in both release schedule and actual content. All of her singing, all of her typing out her accent, all of her actually expressing her frustrations but treating them as just part of life, all fit with that.

From here we start getting into people I’m only clear enough on to have one or the other written down for:

False is a Knight. She has a strong sense of duty and of preserving her self-image. She also can fight like nobody’s business.

Mumbo is a Time player. I thought Space at first as a joke about all his storage systems, but I’ve started to see those as a tool to balance how organized (and scant) his time is. More than any other hermit, he is a creature of habit/routine.

Impulse, as the other ideas guy, feels to me like a Mind player.

I think of Iskall as a Seer, but that may just be because of the imagery of his diamond eye.

Bdubs isn’t really around anymore, but while he was I had him down as a Blood player for his role within the NHO.

Everyone else I either can’t get a good enough read on despite watching them, or don’t watch enough of their content, to really pin anything down. Is Wels actually a Knight? I just don’t know, but I feel like no. Is anyone on this server a Sylph? Who the hell is the Space player so we can finally get a successful session? I just don't know!

But of course all of these are just my thoughts/headcanons, based on my observations and brief talk with a couple friends about it, so they are completely open to debate/interpretation/argument/expansion.

(Please debate me. I am that kind of person. I want to think more about these!)

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

I read your Grian and Zed oneshot and could I pretty please get another one (maybe a sequel, maybe not) with Worm man, Poultry man, and EX? We need the sidekick boi here too ;3

I’m so sorry this is so late! I’ve had a rough couple of days and this one ended up being a lot longer than I expected lol but anyway, here we are! Hope it’s good!

…

  Sitting on top of the billboard in the shopping district are Hermitcraft’s two superheroes, keeping an eye on the goings on. It seems to be a fairly quiet day, however; the last person either of them saw was Scar disappearing into the town hall over an hour ago. But the two are just having fun hanging out up here, so they continue keeping watch over the district, while munching on the half stack of golden carrots Grian brought with him.

  “Soo… which one of us is the sidekick?” asks Grian out of the blue. 

  Zedaph shoots him an amused look. “Why does one of us have to be the sidekick? Can’t we be partners?”

  “I mean, yeah, true. But if one of us HAD to be the sidekick, which one would it be?”

  “Probably you, cuz I’ve been a superhero a season longer than you.”

  Grian pauses. “Honestly, that’s not the answer I was expecting but it does make sense.”

  Zedaph gives a laugh. “Good. Trust me, we don’t need a sidekick. If I was on my own, maybe I’d consider getting another one, but a partner is even better than a sidekick.”

  In the ensuing pause, Zedaph realises what he said. Unfortunately, Grian has also picked up on it. “Another one? What do you mean?”

  “Ah…” Zedaph clears his throat. “Doesn’t matter.”

  “No, I wanna hear this. You had a sidekick?”

  Zedaph searches his brain for either an excuse to not reply or a false explanation that Grian will buy. When he finds neither, he gives a quiet sigh. “Yeah, but it didn’t end well. Or start well. Or go well for that matter.”

  “Oh, jeez.” Grian frowns sympathetically. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Look, let’s just say I was naive and I thought he was good but he wasn’t. I came out of it looking and feeling very stupid, so I’d rather not have a repeat of that.” After a moment, he gives a smile. “That’s why I’m glad I have a partner who I already know and trust.” 

  “Aww.” Grian nudges him with his elbow. “Do you mean me?”

  Zedaph snickers. “Nope, sorry, I mean Professor Beak. Best partner I’ve ever had.”

  Grian exaggerates a pout and gently strokes the parrot sitting on his shoulder. “Wow.”

  But as he starts to say something else, he spots a familiar figure walking through the shopping district. His face lights up. “Oh, look who it is! Zed, c’mon, I gotta introduce you to this guy.”

  He jumps down from their perch and rushes towards the person, followed closely by a curious Zedaph. “Hey! Hey, EX!”

  The figure turns and that’s when Zedaph recognises them with a jolt. That name, coupled with that familiar red helmet… It can’t be… can it…?

  He quickly scoots behind a tree as Grian stops in front of the person, beaming. “Hey! It’s been a long time!”

  Evil Xisuma, now going by the name EX, smiles at him. “Hey, Grian. Yeah, it’s been a while.” 

  “Grian? I see no Grian here,” says Grian innocently.

  EX chuckles. “Oh yeah. Sorry, Mr Poultry Man. You out here patrolling?”

  “Yup! Keeping watch over the server with my new partner!” Grian turns to introduce Zedaph to EX but frowns as he realises Zedaph is gone. “Uh… Zed? Where’d you go?”

  “Wait…” EX freezes as they recognise the name. “Zedaph…?”

  Grian spots his friend hiding behind a tree a few blocks down the path. “Zed, what are you doing?”

  Realising he can’t hide any longer, Zedaph slowly emerges from behind the tree and approaches the two, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Hello.”

  Grian frowns, sensing the tension between them. “You know EX already?” he asks slowly.

  Zedaph holds EX’s gaze for a moment but has to turn away. “Yeah. I knew him a long time ago.”

  EX shifts their feet awkwardly, causing Grian to step forwards, clearing his throat. “EX goes by they/them pronouns now.”

  Zedaph glances at EX, who looks away from him. He wonders whether EX was too scared to correct him themself. Has it really been so long that EX can’t be as open around him as they used to be? 

  Finally, he turns back to Grian. “They used to be my friend but that was a long time ago.” 

  “It WAS a long time ago, wasn’t it?” EX says quietly.

  “Just over three years. Since we last teamed up, anyway.”

  EX sighs quietly. “Listen, I’m sorry I left you. I was just feeling so guilty that you believed I was a good person and I couldn’t continue that lie, but I couldn’t exactly tell you the truth either, could I?” 

  “I only believed you were a good person because that’s what you told me,” Zedaph retorts. “But it doesn’t matter. I’m not angry at you anymore, I’m angry at myself. For being so stupid as to not realise why you were able to break me out of that prison so easily.”

  “Oh.” EX hesitates, realising now why Zedaph is being so careful around them. “When did you find out?”

  Zedaph’s shoulders slump. “After X banned you. I begged and begged him to reconsider but he refused. You have no idea how long I cried, how many sleepless nights I had, when X told me the truth about you. My friends got hurt because I was too naive to realise that the person I was calling my sidekick was actually a villain.”

  “Zedaph, you- you have every right to be angry at me for that,” EX says quietly. “But I’ve changed now, I promise.”

  “I can vouch for them,” Grian chimes in. “They’ve been helping me with building projects on and off for a couple of weeks. During that time, they told me a bit about their past and I can tell they’re not who they used to be.” 

  Zedaph gives his friend a look. “Did they tell you about their shared past with me?”

  “No, they only-.” 

  Grian breaks off, glancing from Zedaph to EX, as the penny finally drops. “Oh… EX is the former sidekick you were referring to, aren’t they?” 

  Zedaph and EX both nod slowly. 

  “I was a far better sidekick than I was a villain, honestly,” admits EX quietly. “I feel like I took to being good much quicker than I did to being evil.”

  “You did,” Zedaph agrees. “But that still didn’t stop you from getting yourself banned.”

  “I-I’ve made some mistakes, that much is true. In fact, a LOT of mistakes. But that’s exactly what I’m back here to do: I’m here to prove to myself, Xisuma, and the rest of the server that I can be a good person.” They clasp their hands together in an anxious gesture that Zedaph recognises from when they worked together. “And I want to prove it to you too, Zedaph.”

  Zedaph hesitates, watching his old friend with a conflicted look. 

  At that moment, however, Grian and Zedaph’s communicators go off with three messages in quick succession. 

<Xisuma> trapped by Wither!!!

<Xisuma> one heart no food left!!!!

<Xisuma> help!!!!!

  “Looks like this is your chance to prove yourself,” Grian says, patting EX on the shoulder. “Xisuma needs our help and we’re gonna go save him. Coming?”

  EX doesn’t even hesitate. “Yes, I’m coming. Let’s go.”

…

  The group follow X’s given coordinates to an underground tunnel in a remote part of the server. As they get closer, they can hear menacing sounds, followed almost immediately by a loud explosion.

  “Uh oh!” Grian picks up speed. “Quickly, guys!”

  They burst through an opening in the tunnel, only to find themselves immediately confronted by a half-health wither. 

  “Move!” Zedaph screeches.

  He shoves EX to one side and Grian dives to the other as the wither fires a burst of exploding skulls at them. 

  As EX scrambles to their feet, they spot Xisuma squished into a small gap in the wall, clutching a clearly cracked shield in his hand. His eyes widen visibly as he spots his evil counterpart. 

  EX winces. They’re not supposed to be here; they were banned several months ago, and Xisuma knows that. He is the one who banned EX. 

  But before they can interact with their counterpart, they’re forced to duck under another burst of skulls and scramble for a safe nook on the other side of the cave.

  Meanwhile, Grian and Zedaph are hacking away at the wither, but they’re making slow progress; the wither keeps attacking back, forcing them to retreat to avoid getting hit. 

  “X, get outta here, quickly!” Grian yells. 

  Xisuma hurriedly squeezes himself out of the crevice and dashes for the exit to the cave. However, because of his low health, he knows he has to be careful on the uneven rocky ground.

  Just as he gets to the cave mouth, his foot drops into a small gap created by one of the wither explosions and his ankle rolls, causing him to pitch forwards with a yelp. 

  “Xisuma!” Zedaph screeches, as he and Grian are forced to retreat to avoid a barrage of skulls. 

  Unexpectedly, the wither twists mid-air and fires off three skulls. The first two sail over Xisuma’s head but the third is heading straight for him.

  A split second before it hits him, EX dives in front of him and takes the skull to the back, propelling them past Xisuma and into the stone wall of the cave. 

  “EX!” Zedaph screeches. 

  “Zed, look up!” Grian yells suddenly. 

  Zedaph does so, just in time to see Grian tossing his sword back to him. Taking a deep breath, he leaps up and forward, catching his sword mid-air, and brings the weapon down on the wither. The critical hit takes the last bit of its health. 

  He lands neatly on the ground and uses EX’s fallen shield to protect himself and Xisuma as the wither explodes in a burst of light. 

  As Grian rushes over to help Xisuma, Zedaph dashes to EX’s side. The wither effect has worn off but EX is clearly still in pain; even though Zedaph can’t see their face, their muscles are visibly tense. 

  “EX, can you hear me?” Zedaph asks worriedly. “Are you alright?” 

  For one horrifying moment, there is silence. Then:

  “‘M fine.”

  Zedaph breathes out in relief. “Jeez, you scared me. What were you thinking? You could’ve died and we both know you won’t respawn.”

  “I-I wasn’t thinking.” EX sits up, with Zedaph’s help. “I just… acted.”

  “Well, you saved me from a painful death,” says Xisuma, giving his counterpart a sympathetic look. “I just don’t understand why you would save me, after our history.”

  “I, um…” EX hesitates. “I was inspired to be a better person recently, and when I saw you were in trouble, I just… didn’t let myself hesitate.”

  “Really?” asks Xisuma in surprise. “Who inspired you?”

  EX gives a small smile. “Two friends who mean a lot to me. But…” They pause, taking in a deep breath. “I know I’m not actually meant to be back here, so I do completely understand if you ban me again.”

  To their surprise, Xisuma immediately shakes his head. “I’m not going to do that. For one thing, you just saved my life. But more importantly, I sensed a change in you the second I saw you today, Exy. A very positive change. If these friends of yours on Hermitcraft caused that change, then there’s no way I’m gonna stop you from being around them. But I WILL be keeping a close eye on you, of course.”

  “O-Of course.” EX covers their visor with their hands, eliminating any chance that the others might notice the tears that have sprung to their eyes. “Thank you, Xisuma.”

  Xisuma places his hand on his counterpart’s shoulder. “No, thank YOU, Exy.” 

  He glances at Grian and Zedaph, who are watching together a few blocks away. “You two superheroes better get back up there and change before someone notices you’re missing.”

  “I want EX to come with us,” Zedaph responds. “Please.”

  Xisuma watches him steadily for a moment before nodding. “Okay. I just need to do some admin things to make sure their code isn’t still recognised as being banned, so they’re able to respawn in this world if they die.”

  “Thanks,” says Zedaph gratefully. “Could you also let the server know of the situation?”

  “Will do. Careful on your way back.”

  The three make their way back up towards the surface, leaving Xisuma behind in the raggedly destroyed hole. 

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” asks Zedaph, noticing EX shivering. 

  EX nods. “I’m fine. Just leftover wither effect, that’s all. I’m used to floating around in the void, not having the life sucked out of me.” 

  To their surprise, Grian chuckles. “Being back on Hermitcraft, you’re gonna have to get used to all kinds of effects. But hey, don’t worry: we’ll be here to help you through it.”

  “All of it,” adds Zedaph warmly, slinging his arm over EX’s shoulder. 

  A smile slowly spreads over EX’s face as they feel the warmth of being enveloped on either side by two friends. For the first time, they feel safe and cared for. They’re about to start their new life on Hermitcraft. 

  And there’s no two people he would rather start it with.