#better than manscaped at least

[pseudowho]

Thinking about...

...long-term 'too comfortable' relationships with the JJK guys, when all the weird/gross/silly things creep in.

Pinning Gojo Satoru against a wall, having spotted an enormous pimple on his chin that you just have to get: "there's nothing wrong with m-- how dare you-- ow ow ow get off me--" "don't be such a melt, Satoru, keep still, that absolutely cannot stay on your face--"

Sitting on the toilet and chatting with Nanami Kento while he showers, and he wordlessly hands you a fresh toilet roll from the cabinet while he brushes his teeth; "thank you Kento" "mmmmmhm" and you continue chatting while you pee, leaving the bathroom door open. You forget to get off the toilet, so he brings you your tea there, while you continue to tell him about your day.

Laughing at Geto Suguru as he steps out of the bathroom after a bit of manscaping; "no no no-- go and get your razor, you're all patchy" "ah shit, really?" "yeah, you look like you've got a really bad gardener" "at least I try to trim the hedges..."

Plucking Fushiguro Toji's back hairs out one at a time; "OW-- dammit woman, stop doin' it like you hate me--" "--look, if you keep getting hairier, I'll just wax you instead, you're such a bear--" "--alright alright, I'll get your little witchy chin hair after--" "hey!"

Calling out to Okkotsu Yuuta while you're stuck on the toilet, blood over your hands and panties; "hey, Yuuta! Can you grab me some new underwear, and a pad?" "Sure!" Yuuta shuffles back to you, unfazed, as you hand him your bloodied panties to put in the laundry basket, "that bad, huh? You got enough stuff to last you?" "actually, I might need you to run to the shops..."

Creeping up behind Zenin Maki while she washes her bras in the sink, dropping a few of your own ones in, pressing a sloppy kiss to her cheek; "hey, hey, I'm not your washer woman" "yeah you are, such a beautiful washer woman" "psh...you're doing them next time"

Takuma Ino smiling as you curl on the sofa beside him in slummy old pyjamas full of holes (an ancient t-shirt of his, joggers you've had for at least ten years...), and you let out a fart; "sorry, sorry..." "don't be, I know you can do better than that" and Takuma lets one rip himself, sighing with relief.

Dropping your toothbrush down the toilet at Higuruma Hiromi's house; "ah, shit!" "oh, damn...just use mine" "eurgh, I'm not doing that!" "darling, be reasonable, I eat your pussy, we share much more--" "that's different--" "well by all means then, my love, enjoy your toilet toothbrush..."

Catching Todo Aoi taking a swig of milk out of the carton; "get a glass, jesus!" "whatever babe, it's just me and you here" "that is disgusting, unsanitary" "oh? I'll show you disgusting and unsanitary...c'mere"

When Kugisaki Nobara steps out of the bedroom, wearing your panties; "hey, they're my favourite!" "well they're my favourite too..." "yeah, on me! Get them off-- get back here--" and you dart after her, Nobara laughing as you try to pull your underwear off her, "help, help, I'm being assaulted!"

Catching Itadori Yuuji giving himself a scratch and sniff; "you absolute goblin-- go wash your hands!" Yuuji darts after you, laughing, his hand outstretched as you screech, ducking and running past him; "what, this hand? Come back baby! Where you goin'?"

Telling Fushiguro Megumi every single time you need to poop; "pause the movie! Gotta go poop," and he absolutely returns the favour, sitting on the toilet while you're taking a bath , "I'd wait...but I can't" "alright alright, just don't stink the place out" "I don't make promises I can't keep"

[agaypanic]

Chase Davenport NSFW Alphabet

Masterlist

Request Something!

A/N: somebody told me they thought i should do this and then another person pleaked me to do this. I cant believe i made this in a couple hours, i wish i could write everything else i have to write this fast

C/W: obvious talks of sex lol i feel like this is way more detailed than i was originally planning lol

***

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Chase Davenport is a GOD at aftercare!!! Bro will do whatever you want without you even needing to ask for it because, thanks to his supercomputer of a brain, he’ll know exactly what you want. Whether it’s getting a bath or shower ready for you, massaging any sore muscles, or even just cleaning you up and cuddling you until you fall asleep. Whatever you want or need, he’ll do it

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Chase’s favorite body part of his is his brain, or more specifically, his bionic chip. But not just because he takes a lot of pride in his smarts. Chase’s bionics allow him to do all sorts of things: record what he sees and hears, identify pretty much anything because of his extensive mental database, and probably so much more that I can’t even remember (at least pertaining to this). He remembers every single reaction he gets out of you, no matter how small it may seem. He knows exactly how to push your buttons and how to make you finish without a flaw

Chase’s favorite body part of yours is probably your face. I mention this is “favorite positions” but Chase likes being able to see your face during sex. He likes to see every reaction you make (and he likes to save it for later teehee)

C = Cum (Basically anything to do with cum)

Chase will come wherever you want him to. He’s completely okay with using a condom, for both safety reasons and personal preference (he would def not be one of those guys who’s like “but it feels way better without the condom”; safety is always a priority). But he’s also completely okay with rawdogging. He always asks where you want his cum, but he loves coming inside of you or on your tits

D = Dirty Secret (A dirty secret of theirs)

Remember how I said he uses those visual and audio recordings so he knows what you like during sex? Well, he also uses it as his personal porn. Especially if he lives at the academy and you live on the mainland, and you both have really busy lives so you go a long while without seeing each other

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Little to no experience. Chase is virtually bitchless lmao. You were most likely his first, and only. But don’t worry, he’s a very fast learner

F = Favorite Position (No explanation needed)

I’ve said this in a previous ask, but Chase likes pretty much any position where he can see your face. If he’s subbing, he loves watching you ride him while facing him. If he’s in a soft dom mood, he prefers some form of missionary. The mating press would probably be a favorite, though. But if he’s in the mood to be rough/mean (you were probably being a brat lol), he’ll manhandle you into whatever position that makes you cry and beg for more. The best position with rough dom Chase would probably be doggy in front of a mirror though, because then he can pull your hair to make you watch yourself fall apart

G = Goofy (Are they more serious or humorous during sex)

Depends on the type of sex, but probably more on the serious side. Of course, if there’s some lil mishap, you guys can laugh about it. But once Chase starts something, he becomes very focused because he wants no room for error, and sex with you is no exception

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc)

I think Chase would be pretty well-groomed. The hair is trimmed, but he probably wouldn’t put much energy into manscaping. As long as it’s not unruly and you have no complaints, he won’t do too much.

I = Intimacy (How romantic are they during sex?)

There’s always a certain level of intimacy with Chase, but it definitely depends on the type of sex you’re having. If it’s angry sex or a quickie, the intimacy is pretty minimal, but it’s still there. Whether it’s kissing you (either out of desperation or to shut you up) or holding you in a grip that’s somehow both firm but soft. But when he really wants to take his time with you, he’s very sensual

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

After getting together, I think the only time he’d jack off is when you’re not in his vicinity. Even then, he’d try to hold off as long as possible because he prefers sex with you over jerking off

K = Kink (What kink(s) do they have?)

I’ve answered an ask about it, but there’s quite a few lol

Hair pulling. Both giving and receiving. If you ever tug on his hair, even with no real sexual intention, he gets really horny lol. He especially loves getting his hair pulled when he’s giving you head, whether he’s kneeling in front of you or you’re riding his face. And Chase likes pulling your hair, especially during rough/angry sex, just to make you whine

Bondage. Tie his hands to the headboard and tell him he’s not allowed to touch you while you use him to get off, and he becomes the whiniest mess. But he also likes tying you up, especially during roleplay

Speaking of roleplay!!! I think Chase would have two favorite roleplaying scenarios. The first is an interrogation roleplay, where you’re some kind of villain, and he’s just busted you for something. Maybe you’re tied to a chair and have to suck his dick so he won’t turn you in. Or maybe you’re handcuffed to the bed, and he has to fuck information out of you. The other roleplay scenario is a teacher/student or tutoring vibe. He could be tutoring you in something, and when you continuously don’t understand a concept, he says, “Maybe the only thing you’re smart enough for is taking cock”. Or you’re failing his class, and studying obviously isn’t working, so he says he’ll pass you if you can suck him off good enough

Dumbification is a big one. It’s even hotter if you’re smart (naturally or with bionics). He takes a lot of pride in knowing that he can turn you, someone who’s very articulate and intelligent, into a babbling little fuck toy

L = Location (Favorite places to have sex)

His or your room. Location-wise, I don’t think Chase would wanna venture too far from the bedroom unless he knows for sure that a location will be empty for a significant amount of time. If getting caught wasn’t an issue, I could see Chase wanting to fuck in a lecture room or the mentor’s headquarters at the academy

M = Motivation (Their turn-ons)

I don’t think it would take much to get him going lol. But playing with his hair and wearing any kind of revealing clothes are big turn-ons for him

N = No (Their turn-offs or limits)

I’ve said this in a previous ask, but bodily fluids besides cum, ageplay, and pet play are big no’s. Also wouldn’t like Mommy or Daddy kinks (titles or ageplay) (i go into more detail about that in the answered ask)

O = Oral (Do they prefer giving or receiving? How skilled are they?)

Loves both, but prefers giving. And because of his memory, he quickly becomes skilled in giving head lol. He likes the feeling of you writhing around and squeezing his head with your thighs just because of his tongue

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough, or slow and sensual?)

Depends on the type of sex, but I think Chase would mostly be fast and rough. As soon as he buries himself in you, he loses control a bit lol

Q = Quickie (How do they feel about quickies as opposed to proper sex?)

He’d prefer proper sex, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Desperate times would include limited time together or a fit of jealousy 

R = Risk (Are they down to experiment?)

It would depend on the risk. Chase would do a quick calculation of the actual risk in his head and probably do some research before deciding whether or not he’d be down to do what you’re suggesting. If it’s relatively harmless, he’s willing to give it a try

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go, how long do they last, etc)

Chase can last a long, long time because he has super durability. I think he can hold off from coming for a long time, and can go as many rounds as you want

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them on themselves or a partner?)

I think, at the very least, Chase would own a vibrator. It would mainly be used on you, especially if you’ve been a brat and he wants to edge or overstimulate you for hours. But sometimes, if he’s really subby, you can tease him by lightly pressing it to the base or tip of his shaft and watch him squirm

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Loves to tease. Whether it’s trying to make you hold an intellectual conversation while touching your thigh, walking around flexing his arms, and giving you featherlight touches to bring you to the edge but never over it

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Unless he’s subbing, Chase isn’t very loud. A lot of grunting and praises, or whimpers, depending on whether he’s the dom or the sub 

W = Wild Card (Random smut headcanon)

He loves it when you masturbate wearing his clothes. Imagine wearing his white mentor’s jacket, and when he catches you touching yourself, you’re like, “I’m so sorry, Mentor Chase. Please don’t punish me”

It would be a long time before either of you leave that room

X = X-Ray (What does it look like below the belt?)

7 to 7.5 inches and a bit girthy

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

After having sex with you for the first time, he can’t get enough of you. Any hint or indication from you will have him immediately pull you into the nearest empty room or closet (or he’ll just take you right there, depending on the location)

Z = ZZZ (How quickly they fall asleep after sex)

Because of his super durability and the fact that he needs the capsule to genuinely sleep and feel rested, I think Chase would be able to stay up for a long time after sex (depending on how long y’all were fucking, of course). No matter what, he always makes sure you fall asleep first. He’d feel bad if he was sleeping while you wanted or needed something

[wowbright]

Anderson’s Guide to the Birds of North America, Chapter 1: Lover Boy

Summary: Fourteen scenes from the lives of Blaine Anderson, grad student and avid birder, and Kurt Hummel, clothing designer and Vogue writer, from before their first meeting in the spring of 2020 through falling in love.

Note: Back during the COVID lockdowns I wrote a couple hundred words of Klaine lockdown meet-cute. I thought I would write more, but I guess I didn't feel like writing about the COVID lockdown during the COVID lockdown, so I never did and I never posted the tiny bit I had written. Thanks to Klaine Valentine’s Challenge 2025, I’m finally doing the thing! I'm trying to keep each chapter to around 500 words. Thanks @spaceorphan!

AO3

~~~

Chapter 1: Lover Boy

Blaine was going to go insane.

He knew he should be grateful. He had it better than a lot of other people. He didn't have to worry about where his next paycheck was coming from, because he didn't get a paycheck, because he was an idiot who had, for some reason, decided his fascination with birds was enough to carry him through another five years of school at minimum after completing college. More to the point, he received monthly distributions from a trust fund his grandparents had set up for him in their wills, and though it didn't make him filthy rich, it gave him enough to live on without having to worry about finances.

But he never would have moved in with Cooper if he’d known they'd be locked up together for weeks (or would it be months?) on end. He loved his brother, but his brother was a lot. At least they had separate bedrooms, plus Cooper had the recording studio and was staying fairly busy with audiobook work. Unfortunately, Cooper did not keep all of his acting and voice exercises to the studio. Nor did he keep his opinions to himself, no matter how many times Blaine said, “I'm not changing what I'm making for dinner,” and “This is what I choose to wear and your opinion has no bearing on the matter,” and “I'm sorry you can't go to the gym, but no, you do not have my permission to use me as a dumbbell for bench presses.”

Blaine was spending increasing amounts of time shut in his bedroom with ear plugs and noise canceling headphones on, working on compiling and coding his field research notes and, when that became too tiresome, checking recently submitted species sightings on ebird.org for potential errors.

Today, he was listening to his Upbeat Sexy With a Twist of Romance playlist—the one he used to listen to while getting dressed for a night out on the town. Oh, what a different time that had been. Now instead of gelling his hair while crooning along to Freddie Mercury singing Ooh, love, ooh, loverboy, whatcha doin’ tonight?  while hoping to get laid or better yet find love, he was bobbing along to the song while entering numbers into a spreadsheet.

But that could be good, too. The rhythm of the music combined with the spreadsheet sent him into a near hypnotic trance that made him forget time and boredom and COVID. It was as close as Blaine got to heaven these days.

A sudden weight on his shoulder jarred him out of his trance.

His brother period of course. Just when Blaine’s mind had found some semblance of peace, Cooper had to disturb it.

He removed his headphones and one ear plug. “What is it, Coop?”

“New lockdown project: I’m going to turbocharge my manscaping routine. I need waxing tips.”

“You interrupted my work for that?”

Cooper waved at the computer screen dismissively. “You should be thanking me. That must be incredibly boring. What do all those numbers even mean?”

Blaine looked at his brother. He looked at the numbers. He looked at his brother again. “I mean this with all due respect, but I seriously want to kill you right now.” He closed his eyes. He took a breath. “I'm going for a walk.”

Blaine had already been for a walk that morning. It was the migratory season, so of course he had. He’d gone out with his binoculars as soon as the sun started twinkling over the horizon. He’d ticked off twenty-seven species, including his first American redstart of the season along with plenty of palm and yellow-rumped warblers, but apparently two hours of birding in the morning wasn't enough to keep him sane.

He jumped from his chair, pulled on a jacket, and grabbed his binoculars. “I'm going to walk until I no longer feel murderous. Love you!” The door slammed behind him.

[toxicanonymity]

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Love! How are you?

I'm going around to my favorite writers to ask this question, because I'm really curious on what you're thinking.

When you're writing Smut and you say the guy has a big dick what size are you imagining, length and width?

I am good! Thank you ❤️❤️❤️. I hope you are too! I personally think of it as at least long enough to stack both hands wrapped around just the shaft (tip sticking out on top) and thick enough that your thumb can't meet a finger when you wrap your hand around it.

As for the measurements, here are some HCs I've previously done of dick sizes and characteristics, basically just making the point that the Joels are different.

🍆👇🍆

Dick Headcanons, key word HEAD 😏

Night Walks - 19 cm (7.5") base to tip erect, and on the girthier end of average. Just barely curved upward for your pleasure. He's a shower not a grower. Tan, smooth. Huge balls. Hair still mostly dark, not much gray down there. Better groomed than you might expect - he's kinda vain.

Raider - 20 cm (8”). Proportional girth. Bulbous - middle is slightly thicker than tip and base. Kind of duo-toned, pink and tan, tip is pink. Shower and a grower. Balls on the larger side. Black, ungroomed hair. Relatively veiny.

Free Use - 17 cm (6.7”). Thick. Pale shaft, pink tip, tip is not much girthier than shaft. Grower. Proportional balls. Straight, almost geometric due to the pattern of veins. Black hair that he keeps trimmed but not closely shaven or manscaped.

Stepdad - 17 cm (6.7”). Thick. Upward curve. Shower. Proportional balls. Pink with darker pink tip. Salt and pepper hair, mostly pepper. Long tip. Symmetrical but not much personality, looks kind of like a dildo. Occasionally shaves completely, furthering the effect.

Trouble 18 cm (7”), one of the girthiest Joels, slightly tapered, couple of nice veins, prominent tip (the size of a lime according to Just the Tip). Somewhat of a grower. Proportional balls. On the pinker side, tip slightly darker. Neatly manscaped salt and pepper hair.

Speakeasy 19 cm (7.5") tan with pinker tip that's long but close to the same girth as his shaft, he's a grower, just barely curved upward, relatively veiny. Decently groomed, pubic hair is darker than the hair on his head.

*NEW*

Lincoln (cannot compute length) - Tip comes to his belly button in the very graphic slouching visual i have in my head, idk how to translate that length and don't wanna sell him short (or long). Tan, 4 or 5 bluish veins but not thick ones. Perhaps in the top half of Joels in length, but the bottom third in girth if measured mid-shaft (base is thicker). Tip on the narrower side. Shaft curves upward toward his body but not to an extreme. Hair is mostly dark gray, well kempt.

editing to add:

Thighs Out - 17 cm (6.7"), light pinkish tan shaft, pink tip, well groomed, brown hair, not very veiny, moderate to hefty girth. It is a very good looking dick and he's a shower. It's warm and smooth and he gets sooooo hard. Balls: Moderate to large, not as saggy as you'd expect for his age! And not very hairy

Brat Tamer / Big Daddy - 20 cm (7.9") base to shaft, the tip is almost the size of a tennis ball in volume (like if you molded it into a cockhead shape). Tan shaft, purple-ish tan tip. Bluish veins that don't protrude much. Large balls that hang low. Hair is dark with a touch of gray. Manscapes because it makes him look even bigger. He's a shower, which given his size means he has a nice bulge even when he's not hard.

Slasher Joel 18.5 cm (7.3"). Very girthy, can't wrap your hand around it. Looks thick even in his big manly hand. Tan, but flushes angry red when rock hard. Tip is proportional to shaft. Prominent dorsal vein, otherwise not very veiny. Hairy, does not shave or manscape, but has good hygeine. He's a grower, and the growth is a barometer of his himbo status. Huge, heavy balls.

-

You can HC them however you want though. Also your dick doesn't have to be this big to be big IRL, and it doesn't have to be big at all to be more than enough.

[castlebyersafterdark]

ok so after that armpit anon i'm going there.... thoughts on how a more established byler do their manscaping? that word lol. but you suggested will would keep his trim and neat... mike? wild and free? dirty scraggy boi?

(Wasn't sure I was gonna post this one but I'm sure I've posted weirder at this point!)

Blesssss you for indulging me 🤭🤣 Love odd details that don't really matter, but when we imagine scenarios with these two, we’re kidding ourselves if we say we’re not conjuring a vivid image. Maybe too vivid but ehh. I'll broaden the topic a bit, too. Just about appearances in general (separate the characters from the actors)

Once he gets a little older, my vision for Mike is that he's a hairy guy. Dark chest hair on his pale skin (love that contrast), a nice happy trail, scruffy chin hair more often than not, oh my god. And he is so not manscaping, dude barely styles the hair on his head. Wild and free, baby. Au naturale. I’ve seen others' ideas that I'm co-opting in agreement with because the situation is hysterical - but maybe he shaves his pubes off once just on impulse because he really doesn't care and thought why the hell not, just to see, and Will has a meltdown hahaha.

Will loves Mike's body hair, and there's nothing better than working and working on his very not insubstantial man and the satisfying feeling of taking his dick all the way down, the heady rush of accomplishment when those coarse curls finally brush his face. He just thinks everything about Mike's body is such a turn on, that's his man, this is how his body looks. He loves that Mike, even through his insecurities, doesn't really fuss or do anything about his appearance and he still looks like that. Effortlessly sexy even when for lack of a better descriptor - he's a bit of a mess. Not mess, really, or unkempt either, it's not like he's dirty. Just natural. The unintended confidence brought on when Will looks at his same old everyday body like a feast. Fingers trailing through his chest hair, mouthing at his stomach and biting at the hair trailing up to his navel, shoving his face in his crotch before he sucks him off. It's all so good. Men, right? 🥵

And Will. He’s someone who enjoys the process of up-keeping his appearance in the specific ways he favors and feels good about himself in. He recognizes that he likes looking neat and fresh and soft, and that doesn't make him less of a man for acknowledging that about himself!!!! Skincare routine, very specific hair products. He wouldn't wax his whole body, not exactly what he's going for, but he doesn't grow a ton of body hair anyway (at least not compared to Mike). Sparse on his chest, and he likes that. Once in a while I see him getting rid of it, it depends. Otherwise, he definitely trims up his pubes, keeps nice and neat. He likes the image it presents since once he can afford it, he prefers to wear really nice underwear everyday and he enjoys a certain look, even if he knows that Mike would be crazy about him no matter what he wore. Just his little indulgence. Looking nice makes him feel more confident. And he usually sports a clean shaven face (though even older still, I've seen several wonderful fanarts depicting him with a neat little mustache and I diiiiied, I kinda love that on him), but when he lets it go a few days not shaving Mike really takes advantage. 😘

[hong-kong-art-man]

When You Do Not Have The Looks That You Deserve: The Basics Which Will Make You At Least Look Clean, Tidy And Decent

All cats are not grey in the dark.

In recent decades, male body hair removal, apart from face grooming activities, has been a rising trend leading to the coining of the term “manscaping”. Hairy guys today do not have role models. Too many would rather endure the pain of waxing than the attention that a full chest of hair can bring. The hairy chest glory of Sean Connery is out.

Male grooming is a booming business. Surveys reveal that year-on-year spending on male self-care products has been increasing substantially. 

Men in Hong Kong have changed too. According to my father’s thinking, a man should carry only a bar of soap and a toothbrush for daily cleaning. Back in my days, men started to use shampoo, shower gel and face cream though we seldom needed hair conditioner. Devoid of any embarrassment, modern young men apply toner and serum to the face. It is common to get a facial scrub to exfoliate skin too. Some even procure pedicure, manicure and facial treatments. TV advertisements encourage men to experience eyebrow microblading instead of traditional tattoo. These days, men, like women, think of changing themselves to a better person in terms of appearance, but very few think of changing the world to a better place. We are often distracted from the real beauty of life which is reaching out to help others rather than one’s good looks. Most of us also take a narrow view of beauty which is external rather than inner. A number of modish men, following what is fashionable in Korea and Japan, even wear make-up when go out. Soon, we do need a portmanteau to describe a person who means “man and woman” together. 

Looking good and feeling good of course go hand in hand. I do think opting for the minimum is a good thing. A man should at least look clean, tidy and decent. That is all. So, if your hair is tidy, all those hair gel, wax, mud, and spray are totally unnecessary. The minimum for a man are brushing his teeth twice a day and taking a shower during the night. He should also bother to remove blackheads, milia seeds or warts that appear on his face due to clogging or physical malfunctioning. Keeping your nails short and clean shows that you practise good hygiene and are a man of good discipline. Even the most handsome guy can turn off girls if he has bad breath. The simple solution is to floss your teeth and use mouthwash on a daily basis.

What causes body odor? It happens when bacteria on your skin come in contact with sweat. Do not forget that our sweat consists of water, salt and fat. A deodorant stick can help and it costs low. Research tells us that men’s body smell is rated as one of the important physical factors for women to judge a relationship.  

There is one more thing which will make a man look tidy—his weight. Looking too thin is no longer a problem in Hong Kong as most of us simply eat too much in a city of gastronomy. Being fat is a common challenge for us because food is abundant in Hong Kong. When you are fat, it will imply your body carries 20 to 60 pounds of extra baggage. Obesity is a leading risk for osteoarthritis in the knees, hips, lower back, and ankles. The problem can also cause high cholesterol, fatty liver, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart attack, and sleep apnea. Our bodies can be in all shapes and sizes, but they must be proportional!

Manners are part and parcel of good appearance. Refinement and cultivation of a man cannot be disguised. Being mindful of proper etiquette and talking intelligently will help you create a positive impression.

Vanity and good looks are 2 different things. Some people spend a lot on over-improving the looks including cosmetic surgery but others may not think of them appreciatively. The way that you talk and whether you can talk your way into someone’s heart are your two real stamps of respectability, besides your clean and tidy looks.

We do not have to be superstars and capture attention. Cleaning up oneself is simply a fundamental duty of human self-actualization.   

Maurice Lee

Chinese Version 中文版: https://www.patreon.com/posts/yi-zhou-run-fa-108417611?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

The Proper Ways to Brush Teeth https://youtu.be/qYBQePR20kY?si=ivfBNUV9U3hgRB4M  Acknowledgement – Oral Health Education

The Charming Look and Manners of Jet Li https://youtu.be/CUZamUvUzmg?si=hzA_1lRccM9mMY2d  Acknowledgement-名人��房

Prince Charming of Hong Kong Chow Yun Fat https://youtu.be/On5nTr1hfwQ?si=LuivEBuzx51TzG4D  Acknowledgement – Vogue Hong Kong

[jdpink]

“Don’t allow anyone, including yourself, to trivialize what running means to you. It is very selfish, but if everyone pursued a passion they loved the way you and I love running, the world would be a better place."

“I’m forty-six years old. I’ve completed forty marathons, give or take, over the past eighteen years. My best time is 2:41:29, which I ran nine years ago, when I was thirty-seven. My most recent marathon was in Eugene in May, and my time there was 2:49:14.... [13 weeks of high altitude training later} I had completed the 2017 Chicago Marathon in 144th place, fourth among runners my age and older, dead last in the men’s pro division, in an official time of 2:39:30. My average pace over the full distance was 6:05.005 per mile.

“I love the simplicity of this way of living,” I said. “My days revolve around running. Everything I do from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed has the clear and singular objective of making me a better runner. There’s something almost spiritual about the clean, stripped-down Spartanism of it... "There are only two things that are proven to have the power to counteract the kind of pain and fear that athletes experience in competition,” Shannon summarized. “One is the flow state, where you are completely absorbed in what you’re doing and self-consciousness disappears. The other is love.”

The target pace he gave me for today’s steady state was 6:50 per mile, which, according to Daniels, is the Flagstaff-elevation equivalent of 6:30 per mile at sea level. You might think it would feel easier, or at least different, but it doesn’t. You can just push harder. at 3,100 feet, where a 6:00 mile feels like a 6:15 mile to someone who’s spent the last ten and a half weeks at 7,000 feet.

Most professional runners get massages at least once a week. my freshly shaved legs (about half of the guys on the team manscape). All the real pros on NAZ Elite take daily naps.

request that whoever wins the race not stop their watch at the finish line, which would spoil the photo

If I hadn’t gotten injured, I would have done a sixteen-mile depletion run two weeks ago, consuming no carbohydrates either before or during the session. Widely practiced by elite runners, depletion runs are believed to teach the muscles to metabolize fat more effectively, thereby boosting endurance.

Fun pro-runner facts:

They don't have to have all that many social media followers (at least in 2017): "Steph has nearly 13,000 Twitter followers, far more than any other member of NAZ Elite."

Professional running is a relentless grind, no matter how much you love the sport. Two runs a day, seven days a week, forty-eight weeks a year, plus all the other stuff: strength training, tortuous massages, PT appointments, a burdensome need for sleep. For these folks, voicing the occasional unserious suicidal ideation just might be the only alternative to quitting for real.

Brauny fell back, suffering mightily over the final twelve miles, yet he hung on to finish twelfth with a time of 2:13:41. He’d placed third among American runners and beaten a number of big names, including Diego Estrada and Feyisa Lilesa. For his pains, he’d earned $16,500.

Highlights from Running the Dream by Matt Fitzgerald.

[reyathae]

i got suckered in by those deejo ads and decided to try one out as a gift to myself, and you know what?

it's actually pretty rad.

sharp (for now), love the design, and the locking lever makes it easier to close than almost all my other pocket knives. i'm into it.

[kerbedotjpeg]

does. does this company think they’re gonna find truck drivers HERE?? ON TUMBLR???????????

[thefloorisbalaclava]

Simon 'Ghost' Riley - NSFW A-Z Headcanons

[Masterlist]

A - Aftercare (what he is like after sex): He always cleans you up whether its a bath or shower or just him wiping you down in bed (because we all know he leaves your legs weak af). Surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly) he will cuddle.

B - Body part (his favorite body part of yours): He loves your lips. He loves kissing them, touching them, biting them. Of course, he loves when you use them on him whether you're kissing him all over or going down on him. The way they look when they're wrapped around his cock is enough to nearly send him over the edge each time.

C - Cum (where does he like to put it): He's a big fan of you swallowing, but before you do he wants to see it on your tongue. He also likes finishing inside you and making sure some gets on your inner thighs. Every now and then he wants to finish on your face or body just to make a mess of you.

D - Dirty secret (something only you know): He likes a little anal play. I mean...you playing with him, putting a finger up there and playing with his prostate gets him off harder than ever.

E - Experience (how experienced he is): This man definitely doesn't need any practice. He knows how to fuck, how to make love, how to use his tongue and those thick fingers. Even if it's his first time trying something, he catches on real quick.

F - Favorite position: I could say doggystyle, which he absolutely loves, but what he loves more is you on top. It doesn't necessarily mean you're in control because he will sit up, hold you tight, and fuck up into you with all his might. He gets to see your face as you fall apart on him.

G - Goofy (is he silly or playful during): Not really. He may throw you a smirk here and there, but most of the time he's too focused on getting you off to be silly.

H - Hair (does he manscape): He may do a little something, but not much. He isn't very hairy in the first place.

I - Intimacy (small romantic things he may do): He's big on holding your hand whether you're fucking or making love. Sometimes he'll even cup your cheek. A few times, your orgasms have been so intense that you cry and he will wipe and kiss your tears away.

J - Jack off (does he masturbate, how often...): He does but it's not a regular occurrence for him. Buuuut if we're talking mutual masturbation HELL YEAH. He loves when you watch him.

K - Kink: He has a panty kink. He makes you keep them on during sometimes. Maybe a breeding kink because he loves finishing inside you.

L - Location (where he likes to do it): He knows there's nothing better than a bed, but if y'all are out in the field and his blood is up after an intense moment, he will find any place he can to fuck you till you can't stand.

M - Motivation (what gets him in the mood): You. Plain and simple. It could be the way you look at him, the way you say his name, what you're wearing.

N - NO (something he absolutely will not do): Hit you. A spank here and there is fine, but do not ask him to hit you anywhere else even if it's for pleasure. That's a hard no for him.

O - Oral (giving or receiving, skill...): The man is a beast at oral and he would do it all day if he could. He's certainly a giver but he does not mind you going down on him. Something about you on your knees in front of him and being able to look down at you drives him crazy.

P - Pace (slow, fast, sensual...): He can do it anyway you like. He loves it rough, of course, because he loves making you fall apart and whimper. But he knows he can do that when being slow and sensual as well. He loves the intensity of being able to look into your eyes while taking you gently as well.

Q - Quickie (how does he feel about them): He's down for them but only once in a while.

R - Risk (experiment, trying new things): Yes, definitely. He will try anything at least once because he could end up enjoying it. Plus, he just has a hard time saying no to you.

S - Stamina (how long can he last, how many rounds): He lasts as long as you need him to. He's not stopping until you get off at least 4 times. And even when he does cum, it doesn't take long for him to get ready again.

T - Toy (does he own toys? use them?): You are the one who helped him experiment with them. He loves using them on you now. His favorite is using a vibrator on you while fucking you. He also loves using toys on you just so he can watch you get off.

U - Unfair (is he a tease): He can be sometimes but his favorite thing is to overstimulate you. You always have one more for him when he asks.

V - Volume (sounds, how loud): He can be pretty vocal. Moans and grunts, curses. He mostly talks dirty. He'd rather hear you make sounds for him.

W - Wildcard (random HC): He likes phone sex. He knows how much you like hearing him get off. He's also a pro at talking dirty so phone sex is so good with him.

X - X-ray (how's he hanging): He is bigger than average but he has more girth so the stretch gets you each time. Of course, he takes his time getting you ready and takes his time sliding into you.

Y - Yearning (sex drive): He's always yearning for you, but it doesn't have to be sex. He's content just kissing you for a while. Honestly, the man can go any time and any place because you're downright irresistible to him.

Z - (does he go right to sleep after or is there pillow talk): He rarely falls asleep immediately after because he needs to take care of you afterwards. He is more relaxed after though and he will talk to you. He will watch you fall asleep before he does.

[kingdaddydaichi]

NSFW Alphabet || Katsuki Bakugou

I had so much fun with this! Vodka may or may not have been involved in the making of this little ditty. 🍸 I hope you shameless hussies enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. 😩

*Exhibit A:

(Source)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like he gets clingy asf, but plays it off like it's something he's doing for your sake. He'll probably never admit that he feels so vulnerable after sex, but he does. If it was a rough session - which it usually is with him - he'll ask if you're okay, if you're hurt anywhere, kiss any marks he left on you - he's such a protective hero boi.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: he's not gonna lie, he's fully aware of how well-endowed he is. He really is proud of his cock, the way it makes you sing when he works it - and he knows how to work it okay? Favorite non-sexual body part - his arms. He works hard to keep them cut (as in lifting, not cutting). 😬

Yours: listen, Katsuki is an ass man through and through. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong, I'm 👏🏼 not 👏🏼 listening 👏🏼. He loves to watch the subtle ripples he sends through your ass cheeks when he's driving into you from behind. Also, our big scary boomboom man appreciates a nice, thicc pair of thighs. Bonus points if they're muscular/toned - he loves the way it feels when your thighs have such a strong grip around him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Let's just say our boy's orgasms are explosive. He cums hard and loud, shooting long ropes of his hot seed. Consistency is about average, not too thick, not to thin, but there's a lot of it. He doesn't taste too bad - salty, but not too bitter. You're more likely to gag from the sheer volume and force of his cum hitting the back of your throat than the flavor.

His precum gets honorable mention here. It's fucking delicious. That is all.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It took him no less than 2 years into your relationship to tell you this, and if you ever tell anyone he might actually kill you, or at the very least make your ass bleed. He hasn't gotten to the point that he's ready to try it yet, but he's not entirely opposed to the idea of you pegging him. Someday. It kinda does make his balls tingle a little just thinking about it tbh. He hasn't yet, but he thinks he might be ready to try working up to it and is really close to asking you to stick a finger in his ass and stroke his prostate. He's heard how good it feels and he's super curious to find out for himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not very experienced, actually. He's only had 1 or 2 lovers before you, BUT he's determined to be #1 at everything. Couple that with how perceptive he is and you've got yourself a winner of a loverboy. He's going to make damn sure that, even if things don't work out between you two, he will always ALWAYS be the best you've ever had. No other man will outdo him, E-V-E-R.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggystyle all the way, baby. As stated before, he loves watching your booty jiggle every time he slams his hips against it. He gets off on spreading your ass cheeks to watch his slick-coated cock slide in and out of you. God he just loves hitting it from behind, makes his dick so fucking hard.

Bonus 2nd Favorite Position (couldn't help myself): you on your back with your ankles on his shoulders, your ass lifted off the bed, him on his knees and hugging those thick thighs of yours, keeping them closed as he reams into you. (Slight variation of this one: he leans over you, nearly folding you in half, putting you back on your shoulders with his hands pressing into the mattress beside you, angling you such that his prominent corona rubs over your g-spot as he drills down into you. 10/10 you're gonna scream his name when (not if) your liquid gushes all over him.)

Tell me the truth, am I a disgusting human being? Here are all the fucks I give:

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Bakugou is serious asf about his sex game. This is not the time to joke around or poke fun at him, understand me? If you do he will get pissed and either fuck the silly out of you, or if he's feeling particularly ruthless he'll just stop altogether and let you ache for him as punishment until you beg him for release.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He takes care of his body, paying a lot of attention to his hygiene, which includes manscaping to keep his pubic hair trimmed and kempt. The carpet's just a shade darker than the drapes, like a honey blond. If he lets it grow out, it sticks straight out just like his head hair. It's actually kind of funny and he hates it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

*sigh* Let's be honest. Katsuki is not the super romantic type, at least not outwardly. However, if he realizes something he's doing is hurting you - physically or emotionally - he's going to stop dead in his tracks and hold you close, push his fingers through your hair, and tell you how much he loves you and how safe you are. He can be rough and he can be an asshole, but if he thinks he's genuinely hurt you at all, he's all over you, doing everything he can to make you understand that he will never let anyone hurt you, especially not himself. Got that?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't jack off very often. You two share a very active sex life so he doesn't see the need to. If you have to be apart for more than a day or two, he'll rub one out. Or if the need hits him particularly hard and you're not available or in the mood, he's not above closing his eyes and reaching into his pants to wrap his thick fingers around his cock and start tugging.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lord Baby Jesus, where do I even begin? Kinky, kinky Katsuki. This man should come with warning signs and disclaimers.

First of all, he dom asf okay? Even if he lets you play with his ass someday, he's gonna be bratty about it. He's going to top from the bottom, hashtag facts. And trust that he WILL own you afterwards to securely reestablish his dominance.

Giving and Receiving: Hair pulling. DIRTY TALK - you think he's got a potty mouth in the streets? His mouth is downright filthy between the sheets. Loves it when you dirty talk right back to him. "You love taking my fat cock, don't you princess?" "Mm yessss, fuck me, Katsuki! Your cock feels so fucking good babyyy!" He eats that shit up.

Giving Only: Degradation. Praise. Spanking. Cockwarming. Dom/sub/power play. Shibari/ropework (he tried it bc you wanted to and he fucking loved it). Creampies. Begging. Discipline. Ravishment.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere inside your home/homes - bed, bathroom/kitchen countertops, kitchen/dining table, office desk/chair, any piece furniture is fair game really, up against a wall, washer/dryer, the fucking floor, ugh just all the places to fuck. Not one square foot is sacred tbh.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Wear something that showcases the curve of your butt. Doesn't have to be revealing per se, matter of fact he'll get possessive as fuck if you're showing too much skin in public. At home/privately though? He can't help himself. Dat ass tho...he is going to smack it hard enough that it stings and that's final, understand?

Tease him. You can't be obvious about it though. If he senses that you're doing it on purpose, it'll just backfire. But if you just so happen to brush against his crotch when you squeeze past him, it'll drive him crazy. Go commando in short shorts/skirt and cross your legs just so, his dick will twitch. Even better if you do shit like this in public where you know he won't act on it. But when you get home you best believe he's going to dick you down so hard, won't even bother to take said shorts or skirt off.

His ears and neck are his most sensitive erogenous zones. Whisper in his ear or kiss his neck and he's going to grit his teeth in an effort to fight back the shudder that threatens to rattle his bones.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Let's get one thing straight. Katsuki Bakugou does not share. This is non-negotiable. He will not agree to anything involving additional people - cuckolding, threesomes, orgies, exhibitionism, voyeurism (unless it's him watching you pleasure yourself - that he will gladly do, and probably start palming himself in the process).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves giving and receiving. Giving puts him in full control of your pleasure, receiving makes him feel like you're worshipping his cock, which you probably are. Have you seen this man's cock? Of course you have. Gatdamn.

Y'all, Katsuki's so good at eating pussy. Like how does one get that good at eating pussy? I don't even know, but god the way he flicks his hot tongue over your precious, tiny bud before wearing it down like a fucking feed bag? It's unnatural. Like it could be his backup quirk if blowing shit up doesn't work out. You've seen the way he licks his lips when he gets excited, everyone has.* He doesn't even bother swallowing while he's feeding on you so you just be dripping in slick and saliva and he's just slurping away. It's lewd.

*See Exhibit A above.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You already know this, but I'll say it anyway. His go-to fucking style is fast and rough, dominant and relentless, hard and dirty. But every once in a while he'll want to take you slow and deep and passionate. He'll hold you so tight in his arms and chest, you'll have to tap his shoulder sometimes to let you breathe. And he'll just roll his hips so fucking thoroughly both of you will feel every last inch, his pubic bone rubbing your clit so hard. You've told him so many times how much you love it when he makes love to you like this, but he maybe makes it a rare treat on purpose. 😈 Little shit.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are difficult for our boy. It's not that he's against them, it's just that he savors every drop of sensuality, he has a tendency to draw the pleasure out as long as possible. He can’t help it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

The idea of having public sex turns him on, but he's only done it with you a couple of times when he was 10000% sure you wouldn't be caught. He can't risk doing anything that would tarnish his reputation and goal of becoming the #1 Hero. He might be freaky as hell, but he needs a sex scandal like an Alaskan needs a refrigerator.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He loves you long time. He's a Taurus for fuck's sake (well, Aries/Taurus cuspie, but that just sweetens the deal). Great stamina. Grinds you down like a whetstone. Can last as long as he needs to to ensure you cum for him as many times as it takes for you to beg him to stop. If he feels himself getting too close while you're blowing him, he'll stop you and go down on you instead. If he's inside of you, he'll pull out and start kissing all over your body, sucking, nipping, licking until his urge to cum passes, then he pushes it right back in and keeps going.

If on the off-chance he does cum before you, he'll be ready to go again in about 20-30 mins. Just give him some motivation, he deserves it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didn't own any toys when you first got together, but you did. He hated the idea of you using them though, especially when he's right there with you. You've since assured him that you don't want to use them to replace him, but to enhance the pleasure. So now you do use them from time to time.

The first time you managed to coax him into using a toy together, it was a small wireless bullet with a remote. When you brought it out and showed it to him, there was a wild glint in his eye. He carefully inserted the vibrator into you, his cock slowly following suit. He loved the fact that he had complete control over this thing, but later complained because the sensation of it against the head of his cock made him cum too fast. He still wants to use it sometimes though. 😏

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh he can be so unfair. He loves teasing you until you're begging him to put his cock inside you. He's not so much into orgasm denial per se; he just loves to hear you beg him for shit - to let you cum, to suck his dick, to stop fucking you when you're overstimmed, etc.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lol he's fucking LOUD! And he's going to make you cum so hard that you're screaming his fucking name. There was a time when one or both of you lived in an apartment and the neighbors would bang on the wall behind your headboard.

Shit, what sounds does he NOT make? He growls, moans, grunts, groans, yells, swears, fucks you so hard you can hear the wet sound of slapping skin, hell even the bed protests. Another reason he doesn't fuck in public - he can't stay quiet enough to be discreet about it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Okay, as much of a wild sex beast as he is behind closed doors, he gets embarrassed so easily when your sex life is so much as hinted at around others. It's legit funny how flustered he gets about it.

If he goes into work real tired and Kirishima says, "Hey Bakubro, you look like shit this morning. You and (y/n) stay up too late?" while doing the finger in the hole gesture, Katsuki will just "Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair, or I'll blast your ass right through that fucking wall!"

Or if you two go out together with friends and the girls are talking about sex-related stuff, Katsuki will just roll his eyes and try to ignore it. But if one of them is all "So, (y/n), does Bakugou ever like accidentally let off explosions while you're doing it?" and you wink and say, "Only when he's especially *cough* frustrated *cough*". Katsuki will go red from his neck up to his hairline and start stuttering, sparks flying from his palms. "H-hey, d-don't tell them sh-shit like that! I-it's none of their god-goddamn b-business, (y/n), what th-the f-fuck?!" Meanwhile, you and the girls are in stitches while he stomps away, just mortified, bless his heart. When you catch your breath from laughing you'll follow it up with, "Looks like tonight's gonna be one of those nights", and you all lose it again.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

As has been mentioned, Bakugou's well-endowed. I figure he's packing about 7.5-8" in length x just under 2" wide. He takes some getting used to, that's for damn sure. Oh, and he's more of a shower than a grower. Like around 6" long x 1.5" wide when flaccid. Katsuki + sweatpants/basketball shorts = swinging dick print, alright sis? Take notes, this motherfucker visibly jumps when he does, class dismissed.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Eh, he's surprisingly not ridiculously horny. Maybe a little above average sex drive? A lot of times hero work just takes it out of him and he comes home utterly exhausted and just needs a soft place to land, and you provide him with all the love and nurturing in your heart. ❤

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends, really, on the time of day and what type of day it's been. If it's late (like past 9pm lol) and he fought more villains than usual that day, he's probs gonna pass out pretty soon after. If it's earlier in the day - especially first thing in the morning - it gets him pumped and almost comically genki.

[dwead-piwate-meggers]

The Lecture Hall, or, How Unit Bravo Lost Their Hair

The logical conclusion of ‘vampire magic makes vampire conventionally attractive’ and ‘beauty standards change all the time’ is that vampire bodies change every time beauty standards do. The Agency has a lecture series for this exact purpose. (Or, I wrote something incredibly silly because the concept made me laugh).

Featuring: M!UB

approx wc.: 424

rating: g, also c for ‘cracky’ and s for ‘stupidity’

Agency Facility - 2014

“I’m sure you’ve noticed some changes to your body hair recently,” began the presenter, standing in front of a projected slide show titled Trends and You: A Vampire’s Guide to Changing Beauty Standards.

“No shit,” muttered Mason, who had woken up two days ago to find that his once perfect chest hair had vanished overnight. He quieted again under the combined glare of Adam, visibly missing his arm hair, and Nate, who he guessed was probably just as bare under all of his layers. Felix, looking around to see who else was attending, didn’t seem to have changed much. But then, Mason rationalized, he had never been especially hirsute to begin with.

The presenting agent clicked to the next slide, and Mason slouched in the lecture hall seat and pulled out a cigarette. The fluorescent lights were hell on his senses. He tuned out a little as he lit up; the presenter was just going through the agenda. He would check back in when they got to the actual information, obviously, and would retain the bits relevant to him. Nate was, of course, taking careful notes in the notebook he always brought to these seminars.

Manscaping, the title splashed across the screen, above a photo of what was either a nude human male or a plastic imitation of one, given that the only hair he possessed was on his head, and the scant stubble on his face. The agent began to explain, and it started to dawn on Mason exactly what had happened to his chest.

“Oh, what the fuck…” he heard someone mumble on the other side of the room.

“Better than those moustaches we got stuck with in the ‘80’s,” said someone else.

“1980’s or 1880’s?” the first speaker shot back, and a ripple of laughter ran through the room.

“If we could all focus, please,” the presenter had a perfect ‘affronted professor’ voice, and the assembled vampires settled down as they continued to the next slide.

“So...how often does this happen?” Felix whispered to him.

“Every couple years,” Mason whispered back, through a haze of smoke. “The humans think up a new trend, and then we all have to deal with some weird body shit for a while.”

“And then it changes again just as you’re getting used to it,” Nate murmured, almost to himself.

Adam grunted his agreement, eyes never leaving the presentation.

“Weird,” Felix said, his sunny smile still firmly in place.

“Weird,” Mason agreed, resigning himself to at least a few years of hairlessness.

[that-yandere-life]

sorry if it too much but loki from thor for the abc thing please 🌷

[Thank you so much for helping me celebrate! I hope that you enjoy, and that it was what you were wanting!]

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Loki can come off as inconsiderate to some, but never to you. He will fully take care of you, bathing you in the finest soaps, getting the best wine and feast imaginable. Anything you need he is right there ready to be tended to. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Favorite part of his: His tongue, let’s be real he is known as the silver tongued God for reasons other than his ability to lie his way out of any situation. Able to put it to good use making you fall apart over and over again.

Favorite part of yours: Your neck/throat, whether he is kissing or sucking on it, or wrapping his hands around it gently squeezing. It’s an incredibly intimate thing for him to be trusted by you with such vulnerabilities. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He is a God who desperately wants an heir at some point, so likely it will always be inside of you. Even if you have a problem with it he will talk you into it, which he is incredibly good at. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Really enjoys multiplying himself and having all of them pleasure you at once, including but not limited to double penetration. Truthfully it’s the only other way that you would have multiple partners as Loki doesn’t share. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He is incredibly old, so he has an immense amount of experience, all the better to make you fall apart with. Definitely knows what he is doing, sometimes to an extreme, wanting to try new and potentially dangerous things.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Cowgirl, sitting on his cock as he thrusts up into you with a brutal pace sure to make you cum until you can’t anymore. Grasping your hips in a bruising fashion, using them as leverage to pull you down on him at the same time.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Most of the time he is pretty serious, but he also has lighthearted moments where the two of you can’t help but laugh or giggle at the situation. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Impeccably groomed down there, trimmed neatly, not a hair out of place. While the hair on his head is lengthy, it would not translate to his manscaping. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Incredibly intimate, even in your most lustful of love making sessions. Always telling you how much he loves you, and how lucky he is that you allow him this part of you. It’s the time where he can be honest with you, and not have to worry about what anyone else might think.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Occasionally, when you are too tired, or aren’t in the mood for whatever reason. It’s more of when the moment strikes him and he doesn’t have you to fulfill his needs kind of thing.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Voyeurism, in the way of having sex places where you can and usually do get caught by whoever is nearby. Sometimes it's his brother, other times it's a servant, or party guest depending on the occasion. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

In the garden of the palace, somewhat closed off and private, but still the threat of getting caught will always be there. Besides the view of the flowers, their scents add to the sensory overload that he provides every time you are together. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Whenever you try to defy something that he says, or prove him wrong on something that he has told you. For some reason you standing up to him turns him on like nothing ever has before, enjoying your defiance immensely.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I don’t think there is anything that he wouldn’t at least try with you, unless you were not interested at all. Then he would definitely not suggest it, wanting you to be comfortable at all times. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Again Silver Tongued God ™ he will use that tongue to bring you to orgasm, making you count each and every one until you are unbearably overstimulated. Of course he would never turn you down if you offer to return the favor. Possibly also using it for punishment if you get out of line in his mind.  

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

I would say it’s about 50/50, it really just depends on the mood, and the amount of time that the two of you have to get away. If you have all night he will start off sensual and slow, wanting to take his sweet time with you. If you have to engage in a quickie, or are particularly into the act then it will be rough and fast, banging your brains out until you can’t think clearly anymore.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Loki prefers to take his time, but if there isn’t an option he will take a quickie. Not to mention that your public forays tend to be quick as the mood typically gets squashed if caught by the wrong people. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

No risk, no reward is his motto. Always ready to do something outlandish, or try something dangerous, within reason of course. He would never put your life at risk.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Being a God, he has endless stamina. Able to go for literal days if you could, but he knows that isn’t realistic. So he relies on your communication to know when you have had enough, happy to just hold you close to him after.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Probably doesn’t really know about sexual toys, but once you introduce them to him… he is all in baby! Wants to use them on you, on himself, use them together. Astounded that Midgard has so many things to aid in sexual pleasure. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

The ultimate tease, let’s be real here! Always flirting with someone to make you jealous, gender notwithstanding. Enjoy’s it very much when you try to get him back by doing the same, teasing him, making him want more. Leading to some intense fucking that night, the bed may even break...

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Doesn’t really make noises per say, but he will be talking pretty much the entire time. Telling you what he wants you to do, dirty talk, praising talk, discipline, you name it and it will be coming out of his mouth. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Really enjoys using his abilities to cause sensory deprivation to you, causing your sight to go dark, “tying” you to the bed frame, and touching you with your heightened awareness. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Honestly he can make it look however you want him to, but his actual member is satisfying on it’s own. Long, slightly above average thickness, and 100% able to use it.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Surprisingly it’s pretty normal, nothing over the top, a few times a week, or whenever you are in the mood. Don’t worry if you want it he will rise to attention ;)

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Only falls asleep once you are comfortable and drifting off in his arms. Would need to make sure that you are taken care of first before he could even think about falling asleep himself.

[lucifers-horror-harem]

Heyy so I was wondering if you could do a nsfw alphabet for Brahms? 🥺

Hey I’m sorry it took me a hot sec to post anything in a while but hopefully you enjoy! I love doing these alphabets cause it helps me get a better feel for the character.

Brahms N/S/F/W Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Brahms is a clingy boy after sex, typically wrapping himself around your body and refusing to let go. You’re his teddy bear and he’ll throw a tantrum if you refuse to snuggle with him afterward. He loves leaving kisses along your neck and jaw and humming so deeply it reminds you of a purring cat.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His hands are probably his favorite part of his. Especially after meeting you and reveling in how you react to his touch. No matter your size he will always see you as smaller and more fragile than him and seeing his big hands gripping your wrists or holding onto your waist always get him going. 

While he would love every part of his partner unconditionally, his favorite part would be their eyes. There’s so much emotion he can see from them, he can tell when you’re happy, worried, upset, or needy. He can’t get enough of the way you look at him with such softness when he is at his most gentle and desire when he is teasing you. And sometimes, he gets a thrill out of the look of fear in your eyes when he is being more dominant and direct with you, liking to see just how much of an effect he has on you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Brahms will certainly make a mess out of you if you’ll allow him. He really can’t decide where he likes to come the best. A few of his favorite places would be your chest, along your stomach and thighs, and inside of you. He gets a rush seeing you covered in his come like he’s laid claim to you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Brahms has loads of dirty secrets, he's lived in the walls for most of his life so everything of his is a dirty secret. But one of the dirtiest that he has is that before he revealed himself to you, he would steal your underwear and watch you through the walls. You wouldn't have to be doing anything explicitly erotic, but anytime his urges got the better of him and when he felt he might lose himself and lunge out of the walls to grab you, he will take your underwear and jerk it off along his cock, the fabric adding much-needed friction for him to satiate his urges and come before he does anything too rash. As he usually makes a mess of your underwear, you find you're missing a lot of pairs frequently, both clean ones and ones from the hamper. Because you know Brahms is a dirty boy and would definitely get off on inhaling your smell as well. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He is a virgin, no question. The most experience that Brahms has is what he's read in the books on his shelves. He most likely hasn't read actual erotica but the books that he's read might have some sexual scenes or descriptions of such things (albeit probably only from very older books that use way too many euphemisms and flowery language). He is also aware of reproduction and how to have sex through diagrams in stuffy anatomy and biology books. As a lot of his knowledge is in a scientific context, he will really need you to guide him the first few times. After that, it's no holds barred. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He has a hard time deciding. Brahms really enjoys missionary so he can pin you down and watch every expression on your face as he pleasures you. However, he is also partial to doggy style because sometimes he gets so worked up that he can’t help but want to take you as roughly and deeply as possible. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Brahms is always more serious during intimate moments, the most he might do is a little laugh as he teases you. He’s not one for joking during sex simply because he is still a little insecure about his abilities, though if you’re with him for long enough he might start to loosen up a bit.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Have you SEEN how hairy this man is??? Brahms has probably never used a razor in his entire life so he's a full wolfman. He also never really had opportunities to clean himself fully like in a shower (the most he probably does is a makeshift sponge bath if even that) so you're most likely going to have to get him used to proper hygiene unless you like a very stinky wall boy. He also wouldn't bother with his body hair on his own unless you offered to trim it for him. A full shave anywhere right off the bat might not be too good either, because he will feel naked and itchy for days. You will have to get used to some hair on him because even if you were offering him kisses as rewards for shaving he wouldn't let himself be completely shaved head to toe. As it is, it'll be an absolute pain trying to get Brahms to agree to you manscaping him below the belt because it is certainly a mess down there. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Brahms is always romantic during intimate moments. Or at least, what he believes is romantic. Most of the time he is simply overwhelmed by his desire for you and if he can manage it in the heat of the moment he will grunt how beautiful and lovely you are in your ear as he thrusts into you, praising and telling you that you’re all his and no one else’s. His heart is in the right place but you might need to help him understand the nuances of romance.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Absolutely. While he might have associations with it being a dirty act from being punished by his mother, he still finds he cannot help himself when he first saw you through the walls. Mostly it’s a way for him to calm himself down and take control of himself again when he feels the urge to reveal himself to you. At first it might begin when he sees you changing or showering, but it could escalate to him just jacking off to you doing simple tasks around the house. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Brahms might have a hard time putting words to describing what his kinks are because he has been so sheltered, but he has far too many to count. Essentially when he finds his perfect person to be the nanny at the Heelshire mansion, his kink will be everything about you. You yourself are what turns him on the most. He’s a huge voyeur, no surprise there. He also has a bit of a size kink because of his size compared to you. Essentially if his partner is involved, he will be down to do or try anything. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He loves dragging you in the walls and having sex with you pinned flush against the wall. While he’s thrusting into you from behind, he’ll make you look through one of his peepholes and tell you exactly what he does while he watches you through them. His bed in the walls is another favorite place, mostly because he can keep you between the wall and him and you would have to get through him if you wanted to get up. He likes having you all trapped for himself. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Honestly, anything can turn Brahms on when it comes to you. You could show this boy a bare ankle and he would instantly nut. But if you really want to drive him crazy, wear revealing clothing. Lingerie, booty shorts, crop tops, leggings, skirts, anything that covers you while also teasing what is underneath. He won’t be able to control himself and he will either pester you all day about giving him attention or simply tackling you on the spot and giving all of his love right then and there.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Absolutely will not share you with anyone else. He refuses to even entertain that notion. On a similar note, he wouldn’t be interested in public sex, not that he leaves the Hillshire mansion anyways, but he refuses to even think about someone other than him looking at you in such a vulnerable position. You’re his and his alone.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He is usually more of a giver. Brahms always wants to make sure you’re taken care of, and as someone who is horny for praise, he gets off on getting you off. And if you tell him what a good boy he’s being? Instant nut. Though he will never turn down oral from you, though he might be a little twitchy about it at first. He’s not used to someone pleasuring him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

When he’s horny and in more of his man persona, he’s all sorts of feral and rough with you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to take his time, he’s just usually so pent up and has such a high sex drive that he can’t help himself. It’s possible for him to go slower but it will take a lot of urging him and a bit more willpower on his end, as well as the promise of rewards if he does.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

All. The. TIME. Since he’s been so pent up for years upon years in the walls, any small action from you will get him needy. If you’re not careful, he’ll bend you over every surface in the house, and then when he’s done will scurry away while you’re sitting there trying to process what just happened, all the while cursing him for making you horny in the process, thus continuing the cycle. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Brahms is hardly a risk-taker in his own life and any sort of change will upset him. Even spending more time outside the walls is tough for him, but once he’s grown used to you the risky behavior he will have is having sex outside the walls or your bedroom. For someone so used to sneaking out of the walls without being spotted and getting reprimanded by his parents, it’s a thrilling experience for him to be so naughty out in the open with no one scolding him for it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

While he isn’t one to last a long time, he can go for as many rounds as he can stand. Since just about everything about you gets him in the mood, he could have just orgasmed and will start getting hard again. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Brahms doesn’t personally own any toys but if you do he won’t protest. The only thing he might not like is if you use them by yourself. He wants to be a part of the fun too, whether he’s using them on you, you on him, or both of you using them together.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He LOVES teasing. Any opportunity to see your flustered expression while you try to scold him is one he will take. Plus he loves seeing just how needy he can get you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Brahms usually isn’t loud at all especially if the sex is slower. He might make a few moans here and there. But when he’s needy for you he will make all sorts of animalistic grunts and groans. He’s less talkative except to tell you how good you’re being for him. He usually gets so carried away that he can hardly speak and mostly just moans in your ear as he ruts into you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Brahms is a curious boy, and on some occasions when he steals your underwear he’s attempted to wear it. Especially anything soft and silky you might own, it’s a different sensation on his body that he isn’t used to and the whole debaucherous act leaves him unable to contain himself. You might have to invest in buying him his own undies. But even then he would prefer to steal yours because they smell like you. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He is slightly above average length but he is also endowed in the girth department. Again, lots of hair down there. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

The easiest way to explain his sex drive is that he is the kind of guy to get hard over any bare bit of skin not covered. He will settle down more the longer you're together, but he still acts like a feral animal anytime he sees you. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He will be out like a light as soon as his head hits the pillow. Get used to falling asleep with his arms and legs wrapped around you and his chin resting on your head. Good luck if you need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

And tonight’s Tumblr ad for me is for….Manscaping!!

A) I am not a man

B) I have never “scaped” any part of my anatomy.

 In fact I don’t even fuckin’ shave my legs! Women are humans, humans are mammals, mammals have hair, and despite what pop culture says NOT having body hair is actually what’s unusual. I am a beastie, and we all are really. So what? It doesn’t diminish humanity to accept we are part of the animal kingdom. Fuck if I’m gonna feel obliged to prove my femininity, especially by shaving body parts almost no one ever sees anyway!!

Actually, it’s damned depressing to see men are now being pressured to be completely hairless too. Honestly, shave whatever you like. Shave your eyebrows for all I care. But could society stop pressuring folks into thinking their bodies are wrong for just existing as is.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, the ad doesn’t actually show a man, but a “sexy” type woman and a “your balls will thank you” tag, the obvious suggestion being women  want Ken doll hairless nether regions on their dudes. Well, I can’t speak for ALL women, but I can assure that at least this one doesn’t require it. If a woman thinks you having pubic hair is THE relationship deal breaker, you are probably better off without her!

Sorry. I know I just don’t belong in the world. Only a weirdo would expect you could be accepted without having to alter your appearance to match whatever society says this year is “attractive”. No one will love you until you can fake whatever the culture tells you us pretty, ‘cause no one wants to know the ugly. I get it. Believe me, as someone that has always refused to pretend to be other than I am and has never been able to get the rules of what is supposed to be beautiful, I REALLY get it. Obviously my views don’t count and I shouldn’t get ranting. 

Gah, just once could Tumblr advertise something at me that might possibly apply if you squint? Or at least aimed both at a woman and someone under 65?? And while I’m asking, NO “signs you are dying of” ads!!

I dunno why it is suddenly annoying me so much. I used to find the wrongness hilarious.

[thessalian]

Thess vs What A Hero Does

I’ve gone down the rabbit hole again. It says a lot about how much I live on the internet that my asexual, shakily-gendered ass winds up thinking about sex-related stuff this much, albeit in a rather intellectual fashion.

DC saying that Batman wouldn’t go down on Catwoman because ‘heroes don’t do that’ just fucking bugs me. Having actually done some reading about it, and heard the various excuses men like this (because it’s clearly men making that particular call) give for not giving oral, and it basically boils down to a few main statements that are a massive double-standard:

"It’s submitting to the woman and I’m not into that”. Yet you expect a woman to get on her knees for you to suck your dick. Well, that’s saying something about the power balance you’re after here, isn’t it?

“What if she’s not clean down there?” Most of the guys who say shit like this aren’t exactly great about genital hygiene either, and will somehow expect a woman to have a full Brazilian and be daisy-fresh when he himself hasn’t even washed his genitals before the act, never mind having heard of the concept of ‘manscaping’.

"I don’t like the taste!” Dude, you expect a woman to swallow your semen. Besides, men who aren’t this much asshole actually wind up liking the taste of pussy, so shut up.

"It takes too long and I’m better with my dick!” Translation: ‘I am in this solely for my own pleasure and couldn’t give a shit whether you’re actually getting off, despite shouting from the rooftops about how great I am in bed’. There is way, way more to sex than “insert penis into vagina, thrust until satisfied”, and only about 25% of women in a recent study said they achieved orgasm through vaginal sex alone. So actually, let’s simplify that translation: ‘I don’t know where the clit is and I don’t care’.

A lot of this is ingrained patriarchal bullshit. Fathers will give the talk to their sons about staying safe and all that but gods forbid they talk about how to actually please their partner. Basically this is a way of reducing women to a series of holes to fuck by making their pleasure next to meaningless. Hell, from the historical point of view, it’s relatively recent that our current society admitted that women enjoyed sex at all, so I guess that tracks.

Look, it’s not like I have a horse in this race. I only vaguely identify as a woman because it’s honestly just easier but I don’t really relate to it. As for sex ... nope. However, I did have one partner and while it didn’t work out because the whole thing repulsed me, the fact is that he genuinely cared about my pleasure. Which is actually why we eventually stopped (and yeah, the tension from that combined with other life stresses and turned the relationship into something toxic and abusive and I just plain left, but never mind). And honestly, I think that women who do enjoy sex deserve that level of commitment to their pleasure. And the fact that a major entertainment media property apparently feels secure enough in itself to say that “heroes don’t go down on women” just says to me that they think that heroes (or at least their heroes) are insecure manbabies who won’t give a woman pleasure because that’s in some way ‘submitting to her’.

Look, Batman canonically works very hard to be very, very good at everything he does. EVERYTHIIIIIIIIIIIING. If he’s having sexual relations with a woman, he’s going to do it to the absolute best of his abilities. That’s what a hero would do. That’s what a champion would do.

...Also? He’s friends with Wonder Woman. Do you really think one of the smartest men in the DC universe would risk having “I refuse to please my female sexual partner orally” get back to Wonder Woman? Diana would break the jackass.