#better crossover than any avengers film

[genocidershodan]

I don't think I could accurately convey how abso-fucking-lutely delighted it made me to find out that Gabi Belle and Chad Chad, probably my two favourite YouTubers, were actually friends and collaborated on vids.

[traumatizedbymay2016]

Ok this might be a little bit tinfoil hat, but I feel like a large part of the reason that Tony Stark ended up being the de facto soul of the MCU was that he was in a different genre to everyone else. It feels so obvious to me.

Every other Avenger stars in some variation on character versus character conflict the majority of the time, and the exceptions I can think of are still (generally) external (character versus society and character versus fate seem to be common secondary conflicts). Tony is the only character who stars predominantly in character versus self conflicts.

For starters, the Iron Man trilogy is way better when you recognize this distinction. Whiplash and Killian are lame villains, yes, but it's because they aren't the antagonist at all. At best they're secondary conflicts, but at worst they're straight up just the inciting incident. The real antagonist of the story is the flaw that Tony is grappling with --- in Iron Man, it's his willful ignorance and isolation from the world; in Iron Man 2, it's his fear of needing help or being a burden (and secondarily his fear of his impending death); and in Iron Man 3 it's his crippling anxiety that nothing he ever does will be enough to protect the ones he loves. It's relatively rare that we see any other character perform this kind of introspection at all, let alone see an entire story built around it (Thor: Ragnarok is the only one that readily comes to mind).

Even weirder to me is that this somehow persists into crossover films. Age of Ultron features Tony grappling with the way the remnants of his Iron Man 3 anxieties are interfacing with his mask of hyper competence; Civil War centers around Tony deconstructing that same mask and attempting to hand the reins over to someone else; the examples are abundant (even if they're handled worse here than in the standalone films).

And I think that's why so much of the Marvel discourse that the interwebs seem hell bent on showing me ends up presenting every Marvel character as "uwu soft precious pure bean" heroes who are nuance-free portrayals of goodness and light in spite of their own laundry lists of mistakes that they move past but never really grow from, only to reach Tony Stark and present even the most understandable of mistakes as though they were pre-meditated and cold blooded decisions for which he is responsible and can never be absolved. If the narrative never forces anyone else to properly reconcile their actions, then those actions were clearly justified; when it does so to Tony, that sends the message that his actions are clearly worse or of greater significance than the others' are.

But that difference is about presentation. It's about the story being told and the conflict being centered, not the culpability or severity of the actions at play. I'm not sure any Avenger has ever screwed up as royally as the time that Thor's coronation got crashed and he decided to get his friends together to attempt frost giant genocide, but the narrative chooses not to focus on that in favor of other elements of Thor's progression. Weighing it as lesser is purely based on bias.

And here's the thing! I understand that 1) protagonists are not necessarily good people and 2) good people can and do make mistakes. I actually prefer characters who can do something terrible --- whether as a result of ignorance, trauma, or panic --- and then, in time, learn from those mistakes and become better people. I would argue that makes a character more compelling, not less so. In fact, the very way that the narrative never even acknowledges the potential for Steve Rogers' actions to have a negative consequence when even bare minimum common sense would dictate that there must be at least a little downside is part of why I don't enjoy the character.

But so much fan meta fails to engage with this in any meaningful way, and so you end up with situations where people are ranting about Tony blasting Sam after Rhodey got knocked out of the sky while entirely ignoring the obvious and understandable distress that would cloud anyone's judgement in that situation in favor of treating it like an intentional act of malice on Tony's part; in spite of the fact that there are dozens of instances in the MCU of heroes attacking each other with greater force in lower stakes situations --- Thor choking Tony in Age of Ultron comes to mind.

Age of Ultron is actually the perfect case study in this phenomenon, as it stands. Tony's arc in the movie is an explicit continuation of his arc in Iron Man 3: He's terrified by the vision of his teammates dead and the world at risk, and is desperately trying to solve that problem on his own in a panic. This leads to the objective mistake of Ultron's birth and near rise to power, which the fandom all-too-happily places the blame for squarely on Tony's shoulders.

Except Tony is just one piece of the puzzle. At a minimum, Bruce Banner was equally involved in the creation of Ultron; a task perfectly in line with his established character trait of pursuing scientific advancement at any cost. Cinematic parallels between the birth of Ultron and the birth of the Hulk are unsubtle, to say the least.

Thor could (and should) have provided some instruction to the two pertaining to the literal magic gemstone they were studying, but went off to go celebrate another victory. Wanda used her mind control powers to influence the situation in the direction of Ultron. Hell, I find it hard to take Steve's "sometimes my team mates don't tell me things" line seriously when the lab is a room made entirely of windows inside his house.

The cherry on top, obviously, being that even if we ignore all available subtext and let Iron Man be the sole creator of Ultron, the Avengers were still effectively functioning as a team and were properly equipped to prevent Ultron from enacting any real damage to the world when they intervened in the vibranium deal with Klaue --- but a certain pair of Avengers were literally fighting on Ultron's team at that point, enabling him to retrieve the needed vibranium and capture Helen Cho.

They're not culpable for that, though, right? How was it said... "She's just a kid"?

With the final irony being that the selfsame Avenger in question would go on to marry the Vision. A character who is literally just "What Tony Stark intended Ultron to be." But when it comes to Vision coming out worthy to wield Mjolnir, that's not Tony's fault, is it? It was a team effort, or a happy accident, or the Mind stone intervening. Never mind that it's personifying J.A.R.V.I.S., Tony's creation. Tony's not the one who does good things, he's the one who makes mistakes.

Meanwhile from the perspective of someone who loves the man versus self narrative, Age of Ultron is about Tony admitting his mistakes and quite literally learning from them and doing better next time. He spends the film taking responsibility for the places he messed up and working to understand how he can do better, and the next time he tries, he does do better. The narrative functions as intended.

But because there isn't a single other character in the room willing to admit wrongdoing --- or, perhaps more accurately, there isn't a single other character in the room that the narrative is willing to force to admit such a thing --- the implication to someone who isn't acclimated to the cycle of Fail, Learn, Succeed that characterizes Tony is just that Tony is The One Who Made Ultron. I mean, Bruce Banner gets more remorseful about being mind controlled to unleash the Hulk than he does about having been an active participant in the creation of a malevolent AI.

I just think it's interesting because so much of the fandom buys into the idea that the characters who never admit that they were wrong actually never were wrong, and that therefore Tony Stark is the worst; but at the same time, the whole heart is gone from the MCU as a franchise. There are still individual fun properties, especially when your particular favorite character is on screen, but you can feel in the places where the fandom is even still a fandom and not a toxic pile of self-consuming sludge that there's something missing.

As frustrated as I am that the fandom is like this, though, I'm more sad that other characters never got to have this kind of introspection. There's just so much missed potential for growth in so many of these characters.

[burningexeter]

The Wildwood Chronicles

I've talked about this for what seems like to me, to death about this so I want to close the book on this and finally sum it all up because I finally have everything to say it about it in just one place.

It's now a full-on passion project that I really want to do, create and make a reality and that's The Wildwood Chronicles, an epic and ambitious adult-animated series that is a grand crossover between over hundreds — and I mean HUNDREDS — of media (movies, TV shows, anime, comics, video games) that retroactively establishes them all in the same shared universe all along.

Here is all the information, all of the notes/trivia/details, everything that I can tell anyone on this without spoiling anything about it because I'm keeping this shit under lock and key pretty much:

• The ambition with this project is anything but small. How I'd best describe it is a mix of Avengers: Infinity War (the last great MCU movie with only two exceptions afterwards) and Inglourious Basterds (Quentin Tarantino's greatest achievement since 1994) with the influences being not just those two but also Godzilla Minus One, Grand Theft Auto V, Red Dead Redemption 2, Gore Verbinski's Pirates Of The Caribbean Trilogy and the original Die Hard for many aspects of the series whether it'd the size, scope, scale, balance of characters, action, emotional moments etc.

• As for who's the lead and who'll voice him, the answer is Reese Miller both voiced by and modeled directly after Walton Goggins. When he's introduced, he's a down-on-his-luck, alcoholic, cynical, sarcastic and narcissistic schmuck with a criminal past who after an incident that caused his downfall had no choice but to crawl back to his family that he abandoned years ago and now has to deal with his ex-wife wanting him to do just one good thing in his life now and that's be there for his children. Only thing is it's on a certain day where his daughter is his that the main event that kickstarts everything happens and he's left in and later wakes from a months-long coma while his daughter, for a while, has an unknown fate. It's from then on that he becomes a man who is consumed with guilt and regret and is haunted by his past actions and the dirtbag he was with him wanting to and even becoming a better person in this world that's now falling apart. Unfortunately, all of the events that he's put through ultimately turn him into a tragic anti-hero who wants to see this world burn to the fucking ground and without giving any spoilers away, deals the final blow that seals this fictional universe's fate. Or does it? I seriously can't imagine anyone else in this role but Walton and Walton only.

• As for how it will be a crossover, not only will it be a sequel years later, months later, weeks later depending on which media but also it's a strong balance of differentiations. Some like the three here will be major players and have major roles....

.... while others will be surprise supporting roles or even cameo appearances from supporting characters like these three here....

.... or are objects and items that serve as easter eggs that imply or show they're in the same world as well like these beautiful bastards here.

• As for the actual show itself, it will be a 65 episode limited series event with a clear and more than definitive beginning, middle and end. I want the whole show to feel like one long 65 episode feature film while at the same time giving each episode their own stand-out distinctions enough to make them stand on their own. Top of all that, there will be no commercial breaks and every episode will be a full two-hours long with them being treated as events you can't miss. What makes this more special is that there's only one network I have in mind for this series and that's FX.

• As an added bonus, the show will be incredibly and viscerally violent and even brutal with its gore. Hundreds and hundreds of people, creatures, superheroes, supervillains, zombies etc. will be killed in thousands of different and horrific ways with Rambo (2008), Blade II, aforementioned Inglourious Basterds, The Night Comes For Us and Hard Boiled serving as the main influences for the violence but it's not shock for the sake of shock, it's to show that the world is now somehow more dangerous and visceral than it's ever been before and to show that absolutely no one no matter who they are are safe.

• As for who are the directors, I want there to be several distinct and interesting filmmakers to helm episodes but the main one who'll direct the most episodes for he's the main director of the series will easily be Gore Verbinski.

[destinyc1020]

Hey destiny,

I dont know if you want to respond to this ask because it's about Tom and post Romeo and Juliet. I write this cause there have been so many think pieces bout hisbchiuces and some fans catastrophize, and I value your perspective on these things.

I'm excited for SM4 and Uncharted 2, but after that, I don't want Tom to be a part of Avengers 5 or any crossover until he has success outside of the MCU.

He's too talented to be stuck in that franchise that rn doesn't sound secure and looks to be dependent on him. Shawn Levy gave him praise a few days ago, teasing a deadpool crossover and for me thats an alarm bell in my head because it's so obvious they are trying to make his SM the Iron Man of that universe. What is baffling with me with his career is that he's doing these films cause he wants to, but deep down, I don't think he just wants to do just this. I remember the q&a for TCR for sag-aftra and how he was scared to go outside of the MCU bubble before taking that role and how he was happy he was doing this.

I'm confused because it's not just for money to stay in that universe. Tom avoids fashion shows and campaigns that could pay more than a movie star salary. He could really milk his persona for money due to him being a walking meme. He actively avoids socialising in hollywood or going to parties or events, yet he's stuck doing sequels? Tom is still young, he can always come back to those films cause the demand is high and i dont mind those films but i want some more variety. I selfishly want to understand where his head is. I would understand if he was deeply pretentious, but he's not. I've yet to see him do an a24 film or projects filmtwittwr has a hard-on for, lol. I don't like film twitter, sorry. Very toxic imo.

I rewatched TCR, and it's honestly so much better than I remembered. Tom is displaying an arpeggios of emotional acuity that is so uniquely rare that I didn't even want it to finish. I wanted to know more about Danny and his treatment. I'm not against big ip movies, I'm concerned with the lack of vision, director, scripts, and lack of practical effects. I want style as well as a blue screen.

The winner rumours are giving me hope because it's a risk, and I know Tom can do this. I think my irritation for his existing ip as of rn is those toxic fanbases and biased critics that use it against Tom as a cautionary tale. Don't do Marvel, or you'll end up like him like he isn't in high demand and talented af. Like JE is considered a movie star yet tell me a film he's opened as a lead not supporting, that made profit for over 200 million? They always move the goalposts for Tom and also Z, but that's for another day, lol.

If there's on actor Tom should look for inspiration, it's Tom Cruise. Take away his personal life, an actor who didn't fit the mould for most male actors of that time,he's the only one career that has still stayed intact. I remember reading that after being cast for his role in the interview with a vampire, he was swarmed with hate against him doing the part. Even the author and brad pitt were against his casting, and he proved them wrong. He doesn't have an oscar, but he's still considered a movie star as opposed to his peers who faded out.

Tom is a movie start idc. He sold out his show with just his name alone and an old pic, without Spiderman with a cast that was yet to be announced. Every day after a show, crowds are swarming to see him and the cast, not SM.

He has the sauce, I just hope he uses it now and don't wait.

Whew! Anon....You wrote a LOT in this ask lol. I'm not sure I can get to everything you've addressed in here, but I'll pick out some main points. I'm not sure if you intended this to be a "confession" or not, but I'll just answer normally...

First off: I write this cause there have been so many think pieces bout hisbchiuces and some fans catastrophize, and I value your perspective on these things.

I'm sorry, but WHAT?? 😅

I have no clue what that word means.

I'm excited for SM4 and Uncharted 2, but after that, I don't want Tom to be a part of Avengers 5 or any crossover until he has success outside of the MCU.

Hmm...I mean, I guess I can sort of understand that sentiment. You just want him to not be typecast as a Superhero, or to be seen as someone who can only be successful in action films/popcorn flicks I'm assuming? I think that's pretty fair. With that said, I will say that even though some of Tom's projects outside of Spiderman haven't been as well-received as we as fans might want (i.e. "Cherry", CW, TCR, I personally thought TDATT did pretty well actually), I will say that he's been very fortunate that a LOT of these have been only STREAMING projects. It's not like they were put out in theaters, so even if they weren't that well-received by critics, who cares?? It's not like they had "box office numbers" to also worry about.

Plus, who knows if these films might have done well at the box office even in spite of negative film critics' reviews? 🤔 Did anyone ever consider that? Either way, to me, it hasn't been that big of a deal?

He's too talented to be stuck in that franchise that rn doesn't sound secure and looks to be dependent on him.

Tom is definitely very talented! But does TOM himself feel "stuck" in the franchise? He hasn't filmed a Spiderman movie since 2020/2021...that's almost 4 years ago. Is he really "stuck"?? 🤔

What is baffling with me with his career is that he's doing these films cause he wants to, but deep down, I don't think he just wants to do just this. I remember the q&a for TCR for sag-aftra and how he was scared to go outside of the MCU bubble before taking that role and how he was happy he was doing this.

I definitely don't think that Tom wants to be typecast or put in a box... He seems to want to do other things outside of MCU films (hence, his venturing and experimenting with other more challenging roles), but at the same time, I do think that he genuinely enjoys playing the Spider-Man character? I don't think two things can be true at the same time. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm confused because it's not just for money to stay in that universe. Tom avoids fashion shows and campaigns that could pay more than a movie star salary. He could really milk his persona for money due to him being a walking meme. He actively avoids socialising in hollywood or going to parties or events, yet he's stuck doing sequels?

Maybe those just aren't his thing? 🤷🏾‍♀️

With that said, I mean, I DO think it's good to go to Hollywood parties SOMETIMES, because those afford you a lot of ways to network and meet people you look up to, and maybe influential people who can possibly give you another acting job at some point. 👀 To me, it's just smart?? But not everyone likes to go to parties, and not everyone is really wanting to have a persona. In Tom's case, he's UBER famous, so he might actually be trying to TEMPER down his fame a bit, so that's why he prefers not to really be out there. Even his dad said that he worries at times about Tom's fame (not about the work), because his level of fame might not afford him the ability to just go out and do things like that, and still live a normal life w/out being hounded, ywkim?

I've yet to see him do an a24 film or projects filmtwittwr has a hard-on for, lol. I don't like film twitter, sorry. Very toxic imo.

I'm not really understanding what this has to do with anything. MOST actors take on roles that speak to them or ones that they find either challenging or interesting. MOST actors aren't taking roles because they think "Film Twitter" is going to like it. 🙄 Most actors don't even care about what their fans or people are going to think when choosing roles.

They choose to do a role because it's a great opportunity to maybe work with a great director or cast that they've always wanted to work with, or because the story/writing/plot is very compelling and it's a role that they can really sink their teeth into.

I rewatched TCR, and it's honestly so much better than I remembered. Tom is displaying an arpeggios of emotional acuity that is so uniquely rare that I didn't even want it to finish. I wanted to know more about Danny and his treatment. I'm not against big ip movies, I'm concerned with the lack of vision, director, scripts, and lack of practical effects. I want style as well as a blue screen.

Yea, Tom did an amazing job in TCR! 😃 I'm sorry the series was so heavy that it kind of made him go into a dark place while filming it 😔, but overall, I'm really glad that he went outside of the grain and did something very different from the norm! 😊

And the Critics Choice gave him a nomination, sooooo.... Obviously it must not have been hated THAT badly by the critics lol.

If there's on actor Tom should look for inspiration, it's Tom Cruise.

I've been saying this for a while now! 😃

Tom is a movie start idc.

Of COURSE he is!! Why do you have doubt anon?? 😅

He has the sauce, I just hope he uses it now and don't wait.

Tom definitely has the sauce, and I actually think he's already been using it?? 🤔 What are you looking for anon? Also, do you know that actors (male actors) are typically able to have a long-running career in Hollywood and be just fine?? It's female actresses that usually have a time limit on the types of roles they can play. But men can play just about anything for as long as they're still alive. It's unfair, but it's true.

Tom is a white, hetero, MALE actor in Hollywood. He will be just fine! He has DECADES to play a ton of roles Anon. Some actors out here are only JUST NOW getting their shine and they're past their 30's and 40s. Look at Coleman Domingo for example. He JUSt now got an Oscar nomination this year, and he's 54 years old. Idk where fans get this idea that Tom (or ANY actor for that matter) needs to be winning Oscars in their 20s, or doing such huge roles before they've even hit their 30's, as if their time is going to somehow run out and they don't have 30 MORE years to go in this industry lol. 😅🤣

Even Leo didn't win an Oscar until he was well into his 40s. He got his first nod at age 19, but didn't actually WIN one until his 40s'. Leo has been touted as some kind of acting prodigy, but even HE didn't get recognized with an Oscar until his 40's, and he's been acting since he was a kid! So, Idk where this sense of urgency comes from when it comes to Tom and his acting career, but the man isn't even in his 30's yet lol. He has PLENTY of time to do a wide range of roles! 😊

[msclaritea]

Doctor Strange 2 writer on Secret Wars | SYFY WIRE

"What is the MCU's next big crossover event? It's a pretty valid question. For better or worse, the epic nature of Avengers: Endgame spoiled audiences rotten. Despite the fact that Phase 4 has only just gotten underway, fans have already started to feverishly speculate on where the comic book mythos is headed next.

The answer to that lingering mystery may have already been hinted at by the events of Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, which carried forth the potential for infinite storytelling possibilities espoused by the Loki television series on Disney+. As Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige teased last summer: "The multiverse is coming up in a big way." How big are we talking exactly? Judging by where things currently stand, we'd say Secret Wars-level big.

The new Doctor Strange film goes out of its way to introduce the concept of Incursions and the dangers they pose. As explained by John Krasinski's Reed Richards of Earth-838, Incursions are multiversal doomsday scenarios in which two universes collide until one (or both) are destroyed entirely.

Readers of the comics will recognize the fictional phenomenon from the major role it played in the critically-acclaimed 2015 Secret Wars arc (not to be confused with Secret Invasion, which is getting adapted for television at Disney+) written by Jonathan Hickman and drawn by Esad Ribić. In this storyline, the entire multiverse is destroyed by Incursions, prompting the trio of Doctor Strange, Doctor Doom, and Molecule Man to weave the remnants of several realities together to form the realm known as Battleworld.

Speaking to SYFY WIRE recently, Multiverse of Madness screenwriter Michael Waldron told us — straight up — that his decision to invite the threat of Incursions to the Marvel Cinematic Universe party was no coincidence. "I’m a fan of Jonathan Hickman and read his Illuminati comics and I’m a fan of all of that stuff in Secret Wars," he explained. "And so, everything’s in there for a reason."

Waldron refused to go any further than that, but his terse answer still gives us plenty to chew on for the time being. His strong hint at Incursions factoring into the wider storytelling quilt moving forward seems to imply the existence of a Secret Wars project, or — at the very least — a big screen adventure with similarly gargantuan stakes. Thanks to the arrival of Charlize Theron's Clea in the film's mid-credits sequence, we know that Strange's decision to dream-walk in an effort to defeat Scarlet Witch was not without its consequences. Yes, the good doctor saved the day, but he also caused an Incursion, which requires fixing pronto.

Something tells us these are going to become more and more frequent, eventually resulting in a multiversal disaster that can't be repaired by traditional means. When that happens, when all else fails, Joe and Anthony Russo will be there, ready to deliver another history-making box office smash."

[gxrlcinema]

multiverse of madness thoughts

non-spoiler section

multiverse of madness is kinda a horror movie and i was not expecting it. don’t get me wrong, i think the movie was very intentionally calibrated to skirt the edge of horror without quite being horror, but if jump scares are an issue for you i'd be cautious with it.

i think america chavez is alright. i don’t immediately love her, I don’t dislike her at all. excited to see where they go with her.

i love wong

why is stephen strange the main character? not of this film in particular but more just a general question of like, whose fave is doctor strange and can you explain to me why he is your fave?

wanda maximoff is the strongest avenger and like, we knew but it’s nice to get confirmation

we thought there were going to be so many more cameos than there actually were, and i'm happy with that. this was not a crossover event movie, it was not a cameo fest. 

this is a really big tonal departure from the rest of the mcu. it had a really clear artistic perspective and i was very into that. 

the pacing was also really interesting. it barely felt like a movie but i liked how quickly it moved. 

okay, now some spoiler thoughts:

giving stephen strange a child to care about didn’t pull at my heartstrings a second time around. i don’t want to falsely equivocate america and peter their respective relationships with strange are very different but i don’t think america’s introduction here was helped by being a direct follow up to no way home. it felt a little copy-pasted, except  strange and peter made for a better dynamic imo. 

it should be noted that I've never seen an x-men movie and if you have you probably freaked the fuck out when charles xavier wheeled his way on screen. it did very little for me (was the rubble mindscape a him thing? i assumed it was). 

i don’t fucking care about whatever the fuck charlize theron had going on and i probably won’t see the next doctor strange movie.

on wanda:

look, i love wanda maximoff. i've had a soft spot for her ever since i saw gifs of aou on my dash when i was 13. and i was ready for them to make her a villain. 

it felt really abrupt to go through the emotional arc of wandavision and then have her be a full on demon the next time we see her. sure, the corrupting dark magic or whatever but having her in full on “I'm gonna murder a child” now mode felt like a huge 180 from “I'm going to sacrifice my own children because i am hurting people”. i don’t fully agree that it’s regressive but it also doesn’t fully feel thought out. i feel like if we’d even seen a second of whatever was happening in the end credit scene of wandavision (where billy is calling out for help in her mind) it would’ve helped a great deal to contextualize what the hell was going on here. 

very curious as to why vision wasn’t present. they didn’t even say his name. like, was there no appeal to living with alternate universe vision?

wanda is a great villain. what makes wanda terrifying and dangerous and human and lovable is that she’s always seconds away from being the hero or the villain. one wrong move and she’s going to set the world on fire. one right one and she’ll see the error of her ways and try desperately to make amends. it is so clear here that she’s convinced herself that she isn’t hurting anyone even when she is blowing through entire universes in her desperation to murder a child because tommy and billy might get a cold. like, it’s powerful and devastating. the moment where she asks reed richards if his kid’s mother is alive and then says “good they’ll have someone to raise them” strikes at the core of this and it was bone chilling. she will always be scarier than any other villain because she’s supposed to be your friend and most of the time, she’s trying to be. 

the idea that a mirror version of wanda could be literally possessed by her and almost have her kids taken by her but be totally capable of offering her love and sort of forgiveness in an instant is exactly the balance i was just talking about. it was a fascinating scene for that character and i loved it. 

i don’t think she’s dead. they just made the character one of the biggest selling talking points in the entire franchise. i don’t quite know what they're going to do with her now though. they’re gonna need to find a really good reason to bring her back when she was willing to destroy the multiverse as a means to an end. i think the balancing act of wanda being a good guy and being so awful we no longer care is gonna be a challenge. 

[omegas-spaghettios]

NO WAY HOME SPOILER DISCUSSION

I'm not lying to you: major spoilers!

I loved this film. I'm going again tomorrow but I just need to talk about it. I'll make future posts about themes and shit but for now I wanna talk about characters.

Happy/Flash/Betty/Old Supporting Cast: They were good, not really new on anything, but i really liked them before anyway! Just, these characters and the teachers and such, they aren't the main takeaways and I don't wanna spend much time with them tbh.

Mysterio: I'm glad he wasn't still alive or pulled from other universes, as people theorized. He is better dead, it works with the themes of the trilogy about murder and death to have him be dead. He was fantastic in FFH, I'm glad we didn't use him too much and left room for this movie's rather huge cast.

JJJ: Only character I have more negative than positives about. I know he isn't the same as Raimi's, but he had so little presence and it was sad to me? In the ending when they showed him talking about Spider-Man's identity, I kinda got shocked cause wow, he really was in the movie and I forgot. Simmons' JJJ has been the best comedic character out of ANY Spider-Man film and it made me kinda sad to realize his return left so little impact.

MJ: Not a whole lot to say, she was really cool and really supportive, it was heartbreaking to see her forget Peter. She is very solid and enjoyable, just not any intricate thoughts, what can I tell you, she was awesome and that's all I need to say.

May: I called her death with my friends, just wanted to add that. But she really got her dues here, the previous movies pretty much reduced her to hot aunt and I'm so happy she took a much more central role. She pushed Peter to be better than he was, to really own up to his power by taking responsibility, and I'm so happy for it. Her death was heartbreaking, but my goodness, she was better here than in any of her other MCU appearances.

I also love how, even right before she died, she demanded that Peter saved her killer. THAT'S the Parker way, just, UGH.

Ned: I liked that he showed a knack for wizardry and, while not the biggest loss by the end of the movie, it makes me sad that the climax ensured he wouldn't be able to pursue his talents, you know? A layer of tragedy to an already tragic ending, but it made him very happy. I'm glad that in his final days with Spider-Man (for now), he finally got to stop living the superhero life through Peter and got a bit for himself.

Eddie/Matt: Very faithful proper introductions into the MCU. I know this Matt technically isn't the Netflix one but I still was FLOORED when he appeared. Catching the brick, the glasses, it was him. Eddie was a mess, confused, looked like shit, they truly knew what we loved about him. Very faithful cameos that enhanced the overall multiverse feel without being overpowering. Also, the Symbiote tease is incredible. Peter has a huge darkness in him now, the Symbiote can really prey on that. I'm excited yet fearful for their futures together.

Wong: Wong got his due and it made me so happy. He deserves to be Sorcerer Supreme and I'm very happy that he is, at least for now. I also like that the trailer was misleading and that Wong in the movie was more sympathetic. He knew how dangerous it was to make the spell work, but he didn't condemn it like in the trailer, and it added a great deal of empathy for him as he acknowledged that yes, it's dangerous, but this kid is suffering and he has done so much, they can try and give some back.

Strange: This is not a Sinister Six film by any means, but Strange does make six antagonists, and he certainly is an antagonist. He is in character, this is him. He's a bit meaner than the Avengers appearances yeah (but look at how different Steve is from TFA to The Avengers, crossovers stretch characters), but he is not ooc. With full knowledge, he let Tony die for a greater good, I totally buy that he would not care for these 5 villains lives. And I think his arrogance and bite does come from being demoted, that probably wounded his pride. He was harsh, but in the end he said "those who love and care for you, we won't remember you". He said "we". He cares for Peter, despite his, uh, more extreme reactions.

Lizard: Got a design upgrade, a slight one, but he did. He looked more reptilian and less live action Goomba, his voice wasn't as deep, and overall I was satisfied with the few moments he got. I have a real soft spot for Curt Conners in TASM 1, and while I knew he wouldn't get as much attention, what they did do felt faithful and loving all the same, and I was happy.

Sandman: His redesign was interesting, it helped him stand out. His constant sandy form did help keep the scenes from being "a bunch of guys in weird clothes standing next to a guy with octopus arms", it kept the scenes of them all together feeling more otherworldly. I also love that he worked with Peter on the spot, very faithful to his redemption. Idk why he went villain again and I'll look for it tomorrow, but yeah. Also sidenote, I'm glad that the lines about "them all dying to Spider-Man" was cut, it was inaccurate for 2 of the 5 villains and I'm glad it got a bit more nuance than they all died.

Electro: He was certainly much better than he was in TASM 2. I'm really glad that they brought Jaimi back and let him play a version of the character he liked more, it shows respect for the old movies BY changing them. They honor what the actor wanted and I think that shows so much more love for Spider-Man and the team behind the Amazing films, they allow them to improve on things they didn't like rather than stick strictly to the past. I loved his presence, he felt like a cougar ready to pounce at any moment.

Doc Ock: He was reduced to laughing stock a lot but I think it fits. Otto is an incredibly prideful man, so him being so thoroughly disarmed by a 17 year old boy (and laughed at by him and his friends) would certainly make him indignant. Either way, he has many stand out scenes. His introduction was incredibly tense, particularly when he started pulling the helicopter into Peter, trying to shred him. Alfred Molina was so damn good when Otto was cured. You could see the disbelief, the shock, then suddenly the relief and joy, it was incredibly beautiful. I also am very glad he got to build a relationship with Norman, something they didn't get to in their own trilogy. His rescue of Peter 2 and 3 as well as his discussion with Peter 2 was incredible as well. Overall a very faithful adaptation.

Norman/Goblin: Tied for my favorite character, he was just raw. Willem Dafoe is the most stand out performance, he was incredible in this film. Also fun fact, Willem only came back on the condition that he did all of his own stunts. This 66 year old man was doing the stunts of the main villain of one of the biggest superhero films of all time, just, wow. Norman was so kindly and I felt for him, his fear, his confusion. The way he nearly cried when he mentioned that his son no longer existed, I just, it hurt. I know he showed more kindness and love in this than in Spider-Man 1, but you really appreciate what you have once it's gone, and that makes you appreciate what you do have. His relationship with May was also adorable.

Well, until it wasn't.

Goblin is mortifying, easily a top 3 MCU villain and a STRONG contender for the best, idk I haven't thought too hard about it. He brought something out of Peter that we haven't seen. Even before he killed May, Goblin made Peter fight so much more brutally, their fight in the apartment complex is chilling. Goblin cackling as Peter beat him down was so damn terrifying. I also loved how Willem portrayed Norman/Goblin leading up to Goblin taking control. Every mention of Goblin made Norman seem a bit more off, especially on my second watch it created such Dread, seeing Goblin come slowly, piece by piece.

I'll save most of the discussion of his fight with Peter on the Shield in Peter's section, but Goblin did that. Goblin brought our Peter, the MCU hero most against killing, to absolute blood lust, and that alone makes him a monster.

Peter 3/Andrew: The second character tied for my favorite (one of three). Andrew legitametly was so good in this. I am astounded that he was honestly more cool to see show up than Tobey, his introduction was so much better.

Let's take a sidenote real quick: I don't like TASM 2. I loved Andrew in the first one. He didn't quite know how to explain his genius, he lacked some tact with time, he had anger issues, but he did everything he could in the end to do right by his uncle and the world. His Spider-Man was initially so mean and aggressive but you can see it mellow out as he comes to better terms with Ben's death. He was incredible and definetly not too cool. Yeah, he was hot and skateboards, but he was so bad at interacting with his classmates that I can see why he was bullied, but he was so smart and kind that I can see why he grabbed Gwen's eye. TASM 2 ruined that. There are multiple instances in fights where he fucks around needlessly and people die. In the opening fight with Rhino, he gets on the truck and messes around for half a minute before jumping off to help people. If he had just stopped Rhino instead of goofing off less people would have died, as right after he jumped off Rhino plowed through an intersection, undoubtedly killing the occupants of the cars he hits. I also hate how he refused to help Harry because of potential consequence, Peter saves everyone he can, even his villains. Speaking of, he straight up murdered Electro and no one cared. He also just stalks Gwen? Gwen's death was very well done, but I can't stand Peter in that movie otherwise. I don't mind Peter being in the wrong, but the movie never makes any attempt to paint these things as wrong or mistakes, and that is what really irks me.

In NWH they refine both interpretations very well. He is clunky and weird and anxious, even more so than the other two, but he's so endearing and you can tell that he has more confidence despite not quite nailing interaction with other people yet. He has the failings of TASM 2, but this time they are shown as wrong. He mentions not pulling his punches anymore. Now, that doesn't exclusively mean killing, but if a guy who can throw cars is going all out on a regular crook, well, 1 + 1 = 2. But it works for this movie! His guilt, his regret, he hates what he has become. He wants to stop Tom's Peter from becoming what he did, and he is reminded of what Spider-Man is himself.

I also love him catching MJ. I don't view it as a redemption, really, it isn't. Gwen is still dead, the people he killed are still dead. But it shows that he's back on the horse. He learned and he is genuinely trying to save someone he views to be his younger brother and his loved ones. It was a catch of love for his younger brother, not of redemption for himself. And the way he cries, it's painful to remember, but he's guarding his brother's loved ones. I just, I love Andrew in this film so much. He also saves Electro in this film and shows a genuine want to be his friend, his true friend, which again, shows his growth from the dark path he went down.

Peter 2/Tobey: He was really cool to see! He had mad Youth Pastor vibes and I loved his interactions with his villains, especially how he saves Norman. I'm going to keep his section brief because God this is long, but I adored him.

Peter 1/Tom, who I will call Peter: the third favorite in the three way tie. His arc is incredible. I love how sinister his final confrontation is with Goblin, how brutal it is. It's chilling that when Tobey stopped him he didn't immediately stop pushing, he kept going for a bit, he was trying to go through Tobey, he was willing to kill him to get to Goblin, if even for a moment. But he doesn't. I have a post here if you want to hear my extended thoughts on Peter and his arc in the MCU about murder.

His final decision is strangely optimistic. He is hurt deeply that no one remembers him, but he isn't crushed. He seems almost optimistic about the future. MJ and Ned are in MIT and he is happy for them. He is in no rush to get back to where he was with them, he seems content to give it time. He also seems happy to be in his own apartment finally. He is a young man ready to keep going with life, despite all of his losses, and that is also core to Peter Parker, how he keeps going despite the hell he goes through.

I also love two of his new suits. The inside out look was just to sell toys, but the other two? Amazing. I love that the upgraded suit was really just a gold piece of armor over his FFH suit. I love that it is a symbol of what he stands for, Ock gave it to him as a gift for curing him. I also love his final swing suit. It's homemade so it looks cheaper which I love, but I also love how he designed it to look more like the other two Peters' suits.

[tornrose24]

A basic-ish summary of every MCU movie villain and antagonist for those who aren’t into the MCU like I am.

(Not counting shows because I’m not THAT insane. Also Spoilers, but you probably don’t care if you’ve either seen some of these films or have no intention on watching them.)

PHASE 1 (Not a lot of good villains here I’m afraid)

Iron Man’s Iron Monger- The first of many to steal Tony’s tech and your average ‘corrupt businessman’ who was like Tony’s co-worker/surrogate dad-mentor. Also happens to be The Dude. Kind of not impressive for the first canonical MCU villain.

Incredible Hulk’s General Ross and Abomination– The best example as to why the MCU isn’t as pro-military as you may think. (And later was dumb enough to think he’d have any power over the Avengers). The other one is your basic ‘villain with powers equal to the hero’ who ends up becoming one of the better characters in She-Hulk.

Iron Man 2’s Whiplash and Justin Hammer–I honestly haven’t seen this movie, but basically it’s another ‘guy who steals Tony’s tech’ and has whips, but not the fun kind. Also some dude who I think is meant to be the discount version of Tony Stark (and is played by an actor whose voice you might recognize as one of Dreamworks Animation’s best furry icons.)

Thor– Thor’s trickster brother who is the first of the most memorable villains…. And one of many ‘Tumblr Sexy Men.’ Comes off as smarter than Thor (and you might like to know what he’s SUPPOSED to look like if you have a thing for giant men in Marvel’s ‘What if”). Honestly I think Thor is the more attractive brother.

Captain America’s Red Skull–The head of a fictional branch of one of the most hated political parties in history so yes you should immediately hate him…. Also I’m angry because THAT is how you could pull off an accurate book version of the Phantom of the Opera with make up. 

Avengers’ Loki–Loki again, but at least they picked a good villain for the big crossover. Screws with everyone’s heads for most of the film and tries opening a portal to space with a ‘totally not going to be important later on’ scepter and cube. Honestly his defeat at the hands of the Hulk made me laugh so hard that it’s still funny years later.

PHASE 2 (Slightly better, but mostly ehh...)

Iron Man 3’s Mandarin–I’ve never seen this movie either, but the villain managed to anger a lot of the comic book fans for a good reason. Hope you aren’t an Iron Man fan if you know what I’m talking about. But chances are you know the twist because it’s that famous.

Thor Dark World’s Malekeith–…. Damnit you just HAD to waste poor Christopher Eccleston’s talent, didn’t you? You promised me his character would get a good back story, but you’re dumb obsession with Loki cut down his screen time and turned him into another generic doomsday/conquering villain who just happens to be an elven version of Two-Face by a certain point. 

Captain America’s Winter Soldier–Steve’s handsome brainwashed buddy with a metal arm. Was made so by Red Skull’s main right hand man whose idea of immortality makes black and green computer screens into nightmare fuel. Was also put on ice and un-frozen and re-frozen several times throughout the years. Oh yeah and something about a twist villain but I think you’d figure out who it was almost instantly.

Guardian’s of the Galaxy’s…. Ok wow I’m seriously blanking out on his name right now… Oh yeah, Ronan– Another genocidal maniac who wants to kill people just because. Was stupid enough to be distracted by Star-Lord’s dancing of all things. He’s especially lame.

Avenger’s Age of Ultron’s Ultron–Tony’s never ending bucket of dumb ideas leads to the creation of a genocidal robot who sounds like that California guy from The Office. His idealized ‘final form’ gets its own personality and becomes Wanda’s boyfriend before he gets dibs on it. He’s… somewhat entertaining, but kind of ‘eh’ at the same time.

Ant Man’s Yellow Jacket–ANOTHER ‘corrupt businessman’ who makes poor choices like doing business with Hydra people or going after Scott’s daughter. The latter proves to be the last mistake of his life and I would have personally kicked his ass if he harmed that sweet child. Also pretty bland. I heard he’d be coming back for Ant-Man 3, but I’ll be annoyed if he become’s the MCU version of M.O.D.O.K. like I heard about.

PHASE 3 (They get a lot better here… also Thanos is here too.)

Captain America Civil War’s Zemo–some random Sokovia survivor that did the impossible and turned the Avenger’s against each other…. At least we got a couple of good fight scenes between the heroes thanks to him.

Doctor Strange’s Kaecelius and Dorammu (or was it Dormammu? Some of these names are nuts)–That guy from Hannibal, but with magical powers, bad eye make up, and was dumb enough to not read the fine print. The other is a large purple dude (no, not that one) from another dimension that Strange defeats by trapping him in a time loop and thus annoys him into leaving. I’m guessing he’ll be important later.

Guardian’s of the Galaxy 2’s Ego–A giant planet that managed to turn into Kurt Russell and is basically Star-lord’s biological dad. Does and did some horrible stuff, but I don’t want to spoil it because the ‘wham’ moment, but it made me go ‘oh no’ right before Peter reacted.

Oh yeah, there’s also a golden lady and a guy with a name that people make fun of as if he’s a Captain Underpants villain, but they just serve as obstacles.

Spider Man Homecoming’s Vulture–A guy that got screwed over by the government and Tony turns to the black market with stolen alien tech, and flies around in a flight suit that’s way cooler than the comic book version. Is played by none other than the original Beetlejuice and 1989!Batman. Somehow ends up in what appears to be one of the least liked superhero films ever several years later (and even the die-hard fans are confused as hell by that).

Thor Ragnarok’s Hela and Grandmaster–If you wanted a hot female villain who wants to conquer you, has an understandable rage about being erased from history, and has a soft spot for her giant doggo, then boy do I have good news for you. Also there’s an obvious slave owner played by Jeff Goldblum so of course you’ll find him  despicable, but he’s Jeff Goldblum so of course you’ll be too charmed to care.

Black Panther’s Killmonger–T’Challa’s cousin who has understandable reasons for wanting to lash out at people who harmed all black people across history and modern times, but is too full of anger to realize why his methods are wrong. Would also make for a TERRIBLE boyfriend, so I hope you don’t fantasize over him. I can’t really find much to make fun of this guy since a lot about him really isn’t that funny and his final lines will haunt you long after you’ve seen this movie.

Avenger’s Infinity War’s Thanos- The giant purple dude obsessed with getting all the stones in order to make a gauntlet. Thinks killing half the universe’s population will save the universe. A favorite amongst most MCU fans and movie fans… but honestly he’s an abusive dad, so he doesn’t deserve much praise.

Also has four children with different names related to the color black, but you’ll only care about his other kids so I’m not going to bother describing them.

Ant Man and the Wasp’s Ghost–Lives up to her name by not being completely solid, but also completely hates it because it’s killing her… Ok, look–some villains WANT to be cured or get health care which was what Ava wanted and her condition did seem pretty awful. It was nice to see Janet heal her and then Scott and the Pym family made sure she’d have access to what was basically free health care and medication. (Is also going to appear in the Thunderbolts film and I won’t be surprised if she’s shipped with either Yelena or Antonia.)

Captain Marvel’s… was it Yorg? Rogg? Yrog?–Typical ‘mentor who is actually the bad guy.’ Honestly it says a lot that the cat was the best part of this movie.

Avenger’s Endgame’s Thanos–Basically Thanos from 2014, but still a tenacious A hole that tries to keep the Avengers from undoing what his future self did instead of just letting things play out. I mean it DOES lead to an awesome epic final battle (though the best experience comes if you’ve seen MOST of these films by this point). But the fact that he caught onto it feels like a ‘need to have an obstacle.’

Spiderman Far From Home’s Mysterio–They REALLY thought they could pull a twist villain? Seriously?! It’s a freaking Spiderman villain, why would you pull that off with this guy?! Anyway its some dude that claims to be a hero from another universe, but he’s ANOTHER person who Tony somehow annoyed. Uses special effects and illusions, a team of misused Stark employees, the drones he steals from Peter… but is too stupid to listen to any warnings when it comes to his personal safety. Is also a huge gaslighter and the kind of person you wouldn’t want in your life.

PHASE 4 (Some of these were surprises, but there’s more in the Disney plus shows that I’m not covering here.)

Black Widow’s General… Drekov? Drakov? (I give up). And Taskmaster–He’s not a good villain. Your typical evil general even. But he had a lot of women brainwashed to be his soldiers and had them sterile whether they wanted it or not, so of course you’ll hate this disgusting pig like I did. (And he gets defeated and it is oh so satisfying when it happens.) Taskmaster… you’ll either like the reveal or hate it, but a non-spoiler detail is that they are the ‘anything you can do I can copy it.’

Shang Chi’s Wenwu–A once immortal evil overlord that gave it all up to live in peace with his wife and raise a family. But proved to be a tragic reason why ‘going straight’ doesn’t come without a cost when his wife dies. Ends up going evil again and puts his kids through hell. And then thinks his wife’s village resurrected and abducted her so he’s trying to bring her back. Honestly I can’t find it in me to make fun of this guy, but losing your wife doesn’t give you a reason to be a shitty or neglectful parent.

Eternals’…. It’s a mix of Arishem, Kro, and Ikaris (yeah, no surprise there)– Some giant space god who created the Eternals and told them not to interfere with Earth’s fights (explaining why they were missing from key films) whose using our planet as an egg that’ll kill us when a new space God comes out. And is also voiced by the same guy who voices Sesshomaru (no seriously I’m NOT making that up). Kro… is one of the monsters the Eternals fights that gains powers every time he kills one of them… and Ikaris is ‘TWIST VILLAIN’ who is only so because he is stubbornly devoted to Arishem’s intents… and he’s like one of the blandest MCU character’s imaginable. 

Spiderman No Way Home’s… ok there’s five villains (sadly we were one short of having an actual Sinister Six line up) and they get their own entries:

Green Goblin–Here to make Peter suffer and to remind the other MCU villains what a TRUE super comic book villain is meant to be. Back to scare the crap out of you and gets to ditch the mask to allow Dafoe’s terrifyingly good acting on full display. Rightfully earns his position among the MCU’s scariest villains and will keep you on edge if you’ve seen the original Spiderman film.

Doc Ock- A reversible Octo plushie in human form who just happens to look attractive. Provides one of the best fight scenes in the MCU, but gets one of the most amusing of defeats at the same time. If you’ve seen Spiderman 2 and care about him as much as I did, you will also love his character arc. He was also the main reason I wanted to see this movie since he’s my favorite. (And thank GOD they didn’t do the body swap thing from the comics).

Electro–Thor’s villainous counterpart minus a hammer…. Well actually its still Electro, but throw away the blue theme, give him a better outfit, and let Jamie Foxx do this thing. Also a MASSIVE improvement over his first appearance that has nods to his comic-book self. Not to good when it comes to making sure he destroys something properly.

Sandman–Name pretty much says it. Just fed up with everything like most people who don’t care about the MCU and wants to go home to his daughter.

Lizard–A scaly boy that just wants to turn people into lizards and also knows like the audience that things will inevitably go sideways. Ends up in the truck during a chunk of the film for reasons that are obviously to save money. Probably one of the few characters in the MCU to be naked throughout the entire movie.

Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness’ Scarlet Witch-What happens when an MCU hero turns evil and kills almost everyone on sight just to be able to kill an innocent teenaged girl for her powers. A worthy successor to Sam Raimi’s villains and who manages to be genuinely scary in a few scenes. Also I hope you watched WandaVision before seeing this movie otherwise somethings won’t make sense… oh right, the real villain here must have been Disney Plus in that case.

Thor Love and Thunder’s Gorr–What happens when a God fails to protect their people. Goes killing gods (which we won’t see much of) because one of them was a lazy ass who wouldn’t save his daughter from death. Probably one of the few best things about this movie and honestly you’d be rooting for this guy after seeing how most of the gods in this film ARE actual jerkasses. Also the movie wants to make him scary but he’s either too tragic or too corny for me to be scared of him.

And though I have yet to see it and it’s hard to tell if Namor should count as an actual villain yet, I propose that the REAL villain for the last film of phase 4 to be….

Black Panther Wakanda Forever’s…. The cancer that killed Chadwick Boseman– F*** you. You took away a wonderful human being from the world. A compassionate person who was well loved and admired by many. A man who was an actual king in spirit with true dignity and grace. You took T’Challa from us, but his legacy will live on in both the MCU and in the real world. And while I’m at at, F*** you for killing so many others that didn’t deserve to die so soon.

[twh-news]

[Old news for any fans who’ve been around tad longer, but entertaining read nonetheless. We propably wouldn’t have him playing Loki had it gone differently] Article date: 10 May 2021

It’s hard to imagine anyone else playing the Pirates of the Caribbean characters — especially Johnny Depp’s iconic Jack Sparrow — and yet, very early on in the casting stages, another actor auditioned for a role in the first movie…to play Will Turner.

Back then, the actor was a relative unknown, but now most will know him as one of the leading men in The Walt Disney Company’s other blockbuster franchise — the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Who almost played Will Turner?

One of the biggest franchises in Disney’s catalog — albeit before buying Marvel Entertainment in 2009 and Lucasfilm in 2012 — was Pirates of the Caribbean.

The swashbuckling movies began in 2003 with Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl and spawned famous characters like Depp’s roguish pirate Jack Sparrow, Kiera Knightley’s Elizabeth Swann, and Orlando Bloom’s Will Turner.

One actor who auditioned for the part of Will Turner in the very early stages of his career, was Loki actor, Tom Hiddleston.

Hiddleston — who has played the Marvel fan-favorite anti-hero since 2011 — took part in an audition for the Jerry Bruckheimer and Disney produced, Pirates of the Caribbean. Speaking circa 2013 about his role in the Shakespeare feature-length documentary, Muse of Fire (2013), Hiddleston was asked whether he’d had any terrible auditions since leaving the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art drama school in London.

[Watch the Muse of Fire -interview here. Bonus: apparently Tom had had something stronger than water to drink the night before... ;) ]

The Loki actor revealed one of his worst ever auditions was for Pirates of the Caribbean. Hiddleston explained how he received the partial script the night before the audition after his agent called him to disclose the information about what he was auditioning for. The only downside to receiving this news was that Hiddleston was just about to go out drinking to celebrate his friend finishing his exams. He said:

“…my agent called: “You’ve got this audition tomorrow, ten o’clock.” And it was five in the evening, and I was like “Ah man, what’s it for?” and he went “It’s this Disney film, it’s a big American franchise, it’s about ships and storms and stuff…and you’re playing the lead.”

The Marvel star, who is based in London, went on to add that he asked about who was producing the “Disney film”, but at the time didn’t really understand the scale of things within the movie industry. Hiddleston goes on to say that he “spent a few hours” looking at the script, and then went out to meet his friends. He later revealed how the audition went:

“The next day I walked in at ten o’clock, very hungover, hadn’t learnt it and did it […] we did it a couple of times and [the casting director] was like “uh huh, okay, okay, well thanks for coming in…”

Hiddleston — who has since gone on to star in movies like Kong: Skull Island (2017) and Early Man (2018), and the television drama The Night Manager (2016) — said the casting director seemed less than pleased.

“She said, “why haven’t you learnt it? Why didn’t you learn it? I mean this is going to be huge.”

In the interview, Hiddleston said his excuse at the time was that he had only received the script the night before, before quickly adding — “which I’ve since learnt is no excuse.”

He states that the casting director offered him words of advice, telling him to “learn it next time” and “make a bit of an effort”, before revealing in the interview that the movie he was auditioning for was Pirates of the Caribbean. Hiddleston reflected on this misfire and said:

“Okay! Well, that was something that could have happened that didn’t happen [but] you’ve got to learn some way or another.”

It’s hard to imagine anyone else but Orlando Bloom playing the blacksmith apprentice, Will Turner, but Hiddleston would definitely have proved a worthy choice if his audition had gone slightly better. However, if he had gone on to star in Pirates, we may never have gotten him as the quintessential shapeshifter, Loki, in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

What’s next for Tom Hiddleston?

The actor has amassed legions of fans during his decade-long tenure as the God of Mischief. Appearing in all three Thor movies with Chris Hemsworth (Thor), as well as three of the four Avengers crossover blockbusters including Avengers: Infinity War (2018), the Asgardian trickster will appear next in his self-titled Disney+ show, Loki.

The original television series on Disney’s streaming service will see Marvel’s Loki meet Owen Wilson’s character Mobius M. Mobius as he helps rectify the Multiverse after the events caused by Thanos (Josh Brolin) in Avengers: Endgame (2019).

The MCU show might also introduce Lady Loki into the franchise if these reports are anything to go by. Hiddleston’s Loki is also rumored to appear in the Doctor Strange (2016) Marvel movie sequel, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022), alongside Benedict Cumberbatch (Stephen Strange) and Elizabeth Olsen (Wanda Maximoff / Scarlet Witch).

[canon-himbo]

Some Starkid/TCB characters as teachers

So, I had the idea to make a teacher au for SaF, but there’s not enough canon characters for that. So, I decided to make ye olde crossover! 

THE TEACHERS:

TGWDLM:

Paul:

Tech teacher

He’s really bad at it, to be honest

No one has the heart to break it to him

He knows how to work a computer from 1994

But has no clue how to turn off screensaver

Emma:

She’s the one sub that’s always there

She will substitute for every class

She’s even in the school yearbook

It’s always fun to see her flirt with Paul

Some classes have a betting pool on when they’re gonna go out

Spoiler alert, they already are

Ted:

Vice principal

He’s kinda an asshole, but his friends claim he’s got a reason

Will bust your ass if he sees weed

Has been told numerous times not to bring alcohol to class

“Oh, but Mega gets to stumble in with a hangover, yeah?”

His water bottle is filled with vodka

Shh don’t tell Zazz

Charlotte:

The sweetest school counselor you will ever meet

Oliver claims she’s cheating on her husband, but nobody buys it

She’s got every cat poster imaginable in her office

Even the little “hang in there!” one

Bill:

Music teacher

Is begging Keeri to put on Mamma Mia!

She refuses

When Alice transferred to Hatchetfield High he wouldn’t shut up about it

After a trip to Watcher World, they’ve gotten along much better

He plays the violin, and well.

Hidgens:

Biology teacher

He wants to be the theatre teacher and constantly asks to help Keeri

She’s sick of people wanting her job

He’s married to Chad

No one’s met Chad

Considering Hidgens’ track record, he may not be real

FIREBRINGER:

Zazzalil:

The best principal you will ever meet

She’s always down to clown, but still keeps everyone in line

How she does it, no one knows

Jemilla:

Special Ed teacher

Come to her with your problems, she will fix them

She and Zazzalil are married

[Everyone liked that]

Keeri:

Theatre teacher

Choreographs all the dances herself

Has never cooked a meal in her life.

Up is trying to teach her how

Ducker:

Choir teacher

Also does Art when Emberly doesn’t have a class

Is very enthusiastic

All the time

SAF:

Curt:

History teacher

No one would suspect it, he’s the poster child for ADHD

But he actually makes his lessons really fun

When he doesn’t want to teach, he’ll play Bond movies

Curt loves them more than any student

Owen:

English teacher

Gets made fun of because “how typical is it that the ELA teacher is actually English??”

He’s Not Having It

Best friends with Curt (may or may not be pining, who knows)

Cynthia:

Superintendant

Do not cross her. You won’t live to tell the tale.

Barely comes around but when she does you should run

Some teachers know what days she’ll swing by and purposefully call in sick

Barb:

Chemistry teacher

Sponsors the Robotics club

Sweetheart and easy to take advantage of

But if you do end up taking advantage of her the students will avenge her name

Tatiana:

Math teacher

Sponsors the fencing club

She’s very professional, and refuses to tell you anything about her life

BLACK FRIDAY:

McNamera:

Coach as well

He also teaches one calculus class when he has the time.

No one knows why

Left the military on an honorable discharge

He’s a mystery. No one knows anything about him

Tom:

Shop Teacher

Resident Himbo

His wife died, be nice to him

Everyone’s dad

Becky:

School Nurse

Sweetheart

Her and Tom may be dating????

Who knows

Everyone’s mom

STARSHIP:

Taz:

P.E. Coach

Sponsors wrestling club

Scary as fuck but in a supportive way

Up:

Home EC teacher

He used to be the Coach but he got into a car accident so now he’s home ec

He’s surprisingly good at it

cries when he messes up in class

THE STUDENTS:

BLACK FRIDAY:

Lex:

Just transferred to Hatchetfield High

Brought her boyfriend Ethan along

Loves her sister, hates school

It just be like that huh

Ethan:

Best boyfriend

His great uncle is Hidgens

Don’t mention it

He actually shows up to school every day, but he’s never passing his classes

Trying his best

STARSHIP:

Bug:

High Schooler

Trans King

Dating February and Very in love

Aspiring astronaut

February:

Cheerleader

Future scientist (loves chemistry class)

A little bit vapid but nice to everyone  

Junior:

Trust fund kid

Annoying as hell

I think he knows a pot dealer

Don’t ask him though he’ll tell on you for wanting weed

SIS:

Keith:

Overly confident

Dating Gwen

Maybe dating Scrags???

Their friend group is so tight people don’t know who’s dating and who’s just friends

Gwen:

The one girl in school everyone knows

She’s fun when you get to know her

But when you first meet her she’s a bit… much

she’s quite the actress, and she knows it

Scrags:

Wants to be a film noir detective

Turns out that’s not a real thing, so he’s going to join the FBI instead

His dog Cluebert died last year and he’s still not over it

Someone get him therapy

Esther:

Junior’s dealer

Incredibly smart and passing all her classes

But never shows up to any of them

Says she has a girlfriend but no one’s ever seen her

Maybe that girlfriend is Gwen? Who knows

Not the Hatchetfield High students, that’s for sure

[unpassive-viewer]

Initial Impression of Shang-Chi: The Ten Rings

I’m back again (not that I’m ever really here anyways) to talk about Shang-Chi. This is just an initial impression, I wasn’t paying attention too hard to this one, and it’s a Marvel movie, so there isn’t usually incredibly nuanced artistic choices to analyze anyways. 

I liked it! It felt very long, but I liked it. Based on the ads I didn’t expect the story line that ended up being followed, but it was cooler than I anticipated. Spoilers Ahead - you have been warned. 

A few points:

1. The score was awesome. It was very immersive, and really drove home the atmosphere. The Anderson Paak song for the outro was a great choice IMO.

2. The visuals. This movie was GORGEOUS. The texture on the dragon? The colour of the souls? The dragon scale armour? The visual effects for the setting? I know it was all green-screened, but it genuinely looked like a vast, incredible landscape. I think this movie does visuals better than any Marvel movie I’ve seen yet. The best comparison that comes to mind is Black Panther - that movie also required a lot of wide shots of the setting in order to do good exposition, but I think Shang-Chi does it better. I’d say it parallels Guardians of the Galaxy, but as a personal opinion I like this movie more. 10/10, genuinely. 

3. The fight scenes. They were very long, but they genuinely rival Winter Soldier and Black Panther on my list of favourite fight choreography. All three movies bring in really unique fighting styles taken from different parts of the world, and are incredibly well choreographed. The climax fight scene in particular I thought was awesome, especially to see Shang-Chi go head to head with his father/the 10 rings. 

4. For an origin story, it was alright. I don’t usually like origin stories, just because I find the dialogue to be very clunky and odd when they’re trying to assemble the back story for every character in the entire film, and with Marvel films you know they have to cram as much into the dialogue as possible for viewers that don’t know their comic books. I still found the dialogue clunky - especially in the intro scenes where Shaun/Shang-Chi and Katy are talking about meeting in high school. No one talks like that, especially not to friends they already know. 

5. The karaoke scenes were so fun, I think they were perfect.

6.  Xialing. Enough said. I checked the actress’ IMDB and this is her only acting credit! Her whole character was so cool. I do still take issue with the way Marvel/Disney goes about the “girl power” bits in their movies. I feel like they are not allowed to be flawed beings in the way that male characters are, and always come with stories of rejection for being a woman in a “man’s world”. It is all quite patronizing. 

7. I LOVED the amount of Mandarin spoken in this movie. I was watching the movie while making dinner, which made it a little hard to keep up, but I thought the way they transitioned between English and Mandarin was really neat. It’s a beautiful sounding language.

8. Any story about overcoming trauma in addition to physical threats is my favourite. Lots of the Marvel movies feel very superficial in the way they deliver the struggles of their main characters, but I felt like the tension between Shaun/Shang-Chi and his dad was pretty genuine.

9. The rings. I’ve heard they’re not used quite so much as weapons in the comics (I’m still on the Spider-Man/Deadpool crossover comics, I’m sorry) but for something that supposedly had to be adapted for the big screen, I think their role as a weapons was done well. 

10. I didn’t feel like Shang-Chi’s father was ancient. He did not give off “I’ve watched empires crumble” vibes. Definite DILF vibes, though. Oof. 

Like I said, I don’t love origin stories, but I am excited to see this character in more movies. I think the rings present something really unique for Marvel to use in the future, especially with the Avengers. I really hope to get a follow-up film now that we know all the characters - it looks like we will see a lot more of Xialing, but I don’t know in what context. I’d like to see them team up again, as much as she is a damn good Fight Club leader. I’d like to see her character rounded out a lot more, and for Marvel to leave the pandering and “girl power” in the first movie. 

As for Shang-Chi and Katy, I think they play off of one another really well, especially in the more vulnerable moments of the movie. They have a really supportive friendship, which I adore. Maybe “saving the world with the power of friendship” is as cliche as “girl power”, but it is (IMO) one of the strongest plot points Marvel has going for them. Steve and Bucky ruined a whole movie when they through three movies worth of “we’re just best buddies” to the wind. Thor and Loki were brothers, but their bond is a highlight of the whole cinematic universe. I appreciate the Captain Marvel/Fury and the Natasha/Fury dynamics, but I am still excited by the potential for a well established m/f friendship in the MCU. There are other things to be said about the habit of big movies to make their male Asian characters somewhat “undatable” (in the context of not making Katy a romantic interest), but honestly I would just follow what Simu Liu wants on this one. I trust him completely with this franchise, he is the backbone of the entire operation. I also think Katy rivals Ned in terms of my favourite MCU best friends.

Bottom line, this is a really strong film for phase 4. I think the sequel will be even better. Every time I think I’m done caring about the MCU, I end up watching another movie and I get sucked right back in. 

I think that’s all I’ve got for now. If you made it this far, thanks! Let me know what you thought of the movie as well! 

4/5 stars

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Loki

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

In the early years of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, great villains were… well, they were less hard to come by than some would lead you to believe, but most of them were only good based on their actors and the performances they gave. Red Skull and Obadiah Stane are awesome villains, but they’re also rather simple ones, ones which have really simple goals and personalities that leave enough wiggle room for the actors to give a fun interpretation. We didn’t have complex, rich, and thematic villains like Ego or Killmonger or Thanos.

At least, that is, until Thor. Then we got Loki.

Loki was the big breakout star of the early MCU, and it’s not hard to see why. Pretty much every later villain that became beloved by fans has at least some sort of genesis in how Loki is portrayed here. The familial drama of Ego and Hela, the noble qualities of Vulture, the inherent tragedy of the backstory of Thanos… everything later villains were praised for got their start in everyone’s favorite trickster Asgardian. Praised by critics, loved by audiences, and so good he almost manages to make Thor: The Dark World watchable for about half an hour, Loki is one of the most fantastic characters in the entire MCU.

Too bad I’m not here to talk about how good he is as a character. I’m here to talk about him as a villain, and in that regard… Loki kinda sucks.

Motivation/Goals: Loki is, in short, an attention whore. But I say that with affection; Loki probably should have gotten some more appreciation from his dad Odin, but Odin blew him off a lot in favor of Thor. His drive to get some respect is what leads to his schemes in the first film, and his scheming carries through into the second and third Thor movies.

The real issue is with The Avengers where Loki, after falling through a wormhole, becomes essentially a generic doomsday villain. Or, he would be if he didn’t have so much pre-existing character development. He honestly suffers the same fate as Endgame!Thanos in this regard, where a complex and interesting villain gets watered down to be more blockbuster-friendly despite having tons of interesting characterization.

Performance: One thing that’s true for all of the films: Tom Hiddleston kills it. His Loki is exactly as he should be – cunning, slippery, underhanded, snarky, and just an absolute blast. He really sells Loki as an engaging and complex character. Even in the weaker films he features in, he tends to steal the show and make even dreadful slogs like The Dark World slightly watchable for short times.

Final Fate: In Infinity War, Loki sacrifices himself to save Thor from Thanos, which only somewhat works. He’s getting his own Disney+ spinoff so either he survived or the show’s about the continuing adventures of the Loki who escaped captivity in Endgame. Whatever the case may be, we thankfully haven’t seen the last of Loki.

Best Scene: Despite The Avengers aging rather poorly, I think most can agree that the “Puny god” scene is still one of the funniest and most awesome villain takedowns in the MCU. It also gets some hilarious callbacks in Ragnarok, which also features a legendary little moment that implies Loki bottomed for The Grandmaster. Oh, and there’s the three seconds in The Dark World where he turns into Cap, which is maybe the only good part of the film.

Best Quote: As always, the best bits of Loki come from Ragnarok, including his best line:

Worst Quote: As always, the worst bits of Loki come from The Avengers. Remember when he called Black Widow a whiny cunt?

Final Thoughts & Score: Time to be controversial! As a villain, I find Loki to be exceptionally underwhelming.

Now, don’t get me wrong: Tom Hiddleston’s performance is amazing across the board, even in the god-awful Thor: The Dark World, where he actually made the film slightly fun and watchable. And Loki is a fantastic character with an incredibly consistent arc across several movies which culminates in a heroic sacrifice that also utilizes his trademark craftiness and backstabbing. Loki is amazing in those regards, and there’s no denying the impact he had on the franchise as a whole, so if I was rating him as a character he’d easily be a 10/10.

But here on Psycho Analysis beeing a good character is an entirely different thing from being a good villain. Similar to the case with Kronk, Loki isn’t really all that evil outside of The Avengers. He’s a dick, sure, but this series isn’t called Dick Analysis. I’m trying to determine how effective, cool, and influential a character is as a villain, and Loki just… isn’t. Sure, he has good quips and a funny defeat, but that doesn’t make his showing in The Avengers any less of a waste of his skills, which are put to much better use in anti-heroic roles like in the latter two Thor films, where he is constantly swapping sides and backstabbing his brother and everyone else. In fact, in terms of everything Loki is about, Ragnarok is easily his best outing, showcasing his anti-heroic side to the extreme.

If it was only his outing in Thor that we were talking about, I’d easily give him an 8, but his showing in The Avengers is so bad and basic that I’m subtracting a whole number grade and giving Loki as a villain a 7/10. This is a different situation than the one with Thanos, were his Endgame counterpart is so radically different but is also from another timeline and doesn’t detract from the original Thanos, this is the same Loki across all these movies, and funny moments aside his portrayal in the original Marvel crossover event was really lackluster. I can’t stress enough that Loki is a fantastic character, but his best strengths are when he’s stabbing everyone in the back or when he’s actually getting along with Thor to some degree.

 As a villain, everything Loki did was done way better by many other villains. Is he going to be a villain in the Loki show on Disney+? Who can say. But whatever the case may be, it’s pretty doubtful Loki could ever hope to catch up to the rich villains we’ve gotten as of late. Loki plays much better as a tricky, sneaky anti-hero/villain than as an outright villain, and those are the strengths they need to play to, because Loki as a straight bad guy just does not work at all.

[filmadaydiary]

1/22/21 to 1/23/21

Marvel Part 3

This is the biggest chunk of the films by a bit, and a lot happens in here. I think there are four origin stories, and there’s even a sequel to one of those origins within the same group. A LOT happens, and in general things have been settled into a comfortable formula. And yet here we have some new directors, a lot of new characters, and some new takes on old favorites. Now that the MCU is so established, it seems people were more comfortable taking risks with these stories, and I think it pays off in audience satisfaction. Also, yes, we did watch seven movies in two days. What can I say? We’re good kids staying locked down.

1/22/21

Ant-Man – Peyton Reed, 2015

I’m very disappointed that this could have been an Edgar Wright movie. It comes so close, with the way Luis tells his stories and the structure of the final battle between the two tiny men. And yet it is definitely not Edgar Wright. It’s a pretty basic superhero origin story. That being said, Paul Rudd is a national treasure and absolutely carries this film. He is a delight to watch as the funny, clever lead, as he always is. He was made to be a quippy genius in a cool suit. Okay, that makes him sound like Iron Man. In a way, Ant-Man is Iron Man Lite. He’s not rich, he’s just an everyday guy. He is an engineer, but maybe not a genius. Most importantly, he’s genuinely funny, not rude, and he cares about his family. I do think the characterizations are what make this movie compelling, not the plot. It ties in very nicely to Civil War, and I enjoyed watching it directly before the epic crossover event. Having light-hearted characters with less worldly stakes keeps the MCU grounded and keeps superheroes from being too out of touch. 

Captain America: Civil War – Joe and Anthony Russo, 2016

I hesitate to say this, but I think this might be my favorite movie in the MCU. I can’t quite put my finger on why, because there are certainly more epic team-ups, and I hate when friends fight. And yet, I still love this film. One, you get Hawkeye in a non-Avengers event, which is always terribly exciting. Two, you get the character intros of some of the best characters ever (Spider-Man and Black Panther). And three, you get an intense debate about morals that actually gives you something to talk about after you leave the theater. It feels rare to have a superhero movie that doesn’t have morals hitting you over the head with righteousness and love. This movie really makes you think about control and consequences. And I love a movie that makes you think. I’m also slightly biased because I had a great premiere experience, I got to see an early screening and the exclusivity made it more exciting too. It pulls on a lot of existing threads within the MCU and brings the conflict to a head in a spectacular way. 

1/23/21

Spider-Man: Homecoming – Jon Watts, 2017

The stand-out role in Civil War, seeing Spider-Man on the big screen under Disney’s purview was certainly a treat. I appreciate that they didn’t go for yet another Peter Parker origin story, instead jumping in after he’s already become Spider-Man. We all know the story of the radioactive spider bite by now, so getting to see Spider-Man grow as a friendly neighborhood guy is delightful. It’s a high school coming-of-age movie that happens to feature superheroes. The stakes are brought down to a relatable level. Asking out the girl he likes is just as important as catching the bad guy, perhaps even more so. Tom Holland is the absolutely perfect casting choice, capturing both being an awkward teenager and being a web-slinging badass. And Tony Stark gets the opportunity to right his wrongs and step up to be a father figure for someone who desperately needs one. I do wish we got to focus on Peter’s story a little more, instead of using him as a pawn to fulfill Tony’s character arc. But that’s a small criticism for an otherwise lovely movie.

Black Panther – Ryan Coogler, 2018

Black Panther rocked the world when it came out, and rightfully so. Here we have a Black superhero who brings a respectful version of African traditions to the big screen. The worldbuilding of Wakanda is spectacular, showing that this hidden nation knows more about technology than anyone else in the world. It flies in the face of negative stereotypes about African peoples and blends aspects of tribalism in without making them feel like tokens. I think I like the Dora Milaje the best, the squad of women warriors who protect the king. They are so strong and beautiful with their shaved heads and spears and I love them. After Black Panther’s introduction in Civil War, it was nice to go into this movie and see what he dealt with in the weeks after his father’s death. Once again, seeing things in chronological order helped clarify any confusion I had about the timeline of things when they came out months apart in theaters. T’Challa had a really rough couple of weeks in there. Oh, and Michael B. Jordan is also excellent in his role as Killmonger. It’s a great movie for so many reasons. 

Doctor Strange – Scott Derrickson, 2016

I feel like a lot of people don’t like this movie. It is true that Doctor Strange is a little bit like a discount Tony Stark, a man who thinks the rest of the world is below him because of his superior intellect. At least this movie has the decency to break him down to nothing before giving him ridiculous superpowers that serve to reaffirm that belief. I think this movie is fine. It’s definitely one of the more visually arresting films, which I always appreciate. On visuals alone, I’d pick this over something like Ant-Man or Thor 2. The concept is also relatively cool, making it seem like wizardry can be learned by anybody. However, it does feel out of place in the timeline. We’re getting close to the end of the line here, and all this movie does for the overarching plot is introduce the Time Stone. But while I think it’s a perfectly passable origin story, it doesn’t make sense here at this point in Phase 3 of the MCU. Plus Marvel didn’t really need another overpowered quippy white man. Again, this is a fun movie to watch, but for the first time in awhile, this is better on its own than in sequence.

Thor: Ragnarok – Taika Waititi, 2017

Taika Waititi is a creative genius and should be allowed to take over the entire film industry. What We Do in the Shadows is one of my favorite movies of all time and I’m so glad that he is now on the map and taking over the Thor franchise going forward. He took the goofy Thor we all know and love and turned up the humor without compromising character, adding in nods to the previous movies and the fans without offending anybody. To say nothing of Korg, arguably one of the best side characters we’ve seen in the MCU thus far. After seeing it for the first time on my birthday, my brother announced upon leaving the theater that this was his new favorite MCU movie. I do think that this ranks pretty highly for me. It makes Thor fun again. Plus it’s just a really good movie. Like it features characters we already know, and then uses characteristics we haven’t seen before to make them well-rounded and more interesting to watch. And it’s stylistically very well done too! The scene with Thor using his lightning and the flashback with the Valkyries and the fight on the rainbow bridge... It’s all so good. And I haven’t even mentioned Jeff Goldblum. There’s a very good reason my brother likes this movie so much. It’s because it’s excellent.

Ant-Man and the Wasp – Peyton Reed, 2018

Now, Thor: Ragnarok leads directly into Infinity War, so I do sort of wish we’d gone into that next. But it was more important for us to watch Infinity War and Endgame back to back, so we decided to throw the Ant-Man sequel in here. This movie is about what Ant-Man and his friends were up to immediately before the events of Infinity War, maybe even during, because he wasn’t in that movie. And it sets up some VERY important plot points for Endgame. It makes a lot of sense to release these in the order they did. This is still an okay movie, but it ultimately feels like filler. Which is a shame, because these are good characters. Paul Rudd is still a delight, and so is the supporting cast of thieves. At the end of the day, it does feel necessary to watch this movie at some point so that the other ones make sense, but it also doesn’t feel like it has much impact on its own. The villain is interesting enough, the dialogue is still snappy, but the most impactful part of the film is the end credits scene when you see the Pym family get dusted. It’s a preview of what’s to come, even more haunting if you know it’s coming. But the part of the movie that makes you sit up and pay attention should not be hidden away in the credits. 

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Bet You Can’t {1}

Chris Evans x Uriah & Chris Hemsworth x Summer

Crossover-Collab Four-Part Miniseries

 Warning: Cursing, Plot, Fun, and Games, Mild Raunchy Talk

 Words: 2.2K

 Summary: Uriah and Chris are happily married. A night of relaxing with your best friends Chris and Summer Hemsworth brings up “No Nut November.” Once you hear it, you know where it’s leading. IT was all jokes until somehow it turned serious. The Chris’ strike a full-on bet while dragging their better halves into the madness. The rules are simple, for the entire month of November none of you will have sex, none of you will get that nut in any way. Whichever couple makes it get bragging rights, and the 10k pool bet money. Whichever couple doesn’t make it has to change their social media name to “Failed NNN” for a week and post/tweet as normal and go on IG live to announce their failure. The bet is rigged though when Uriah and Summer decide to sabotage their husbands and make a side bet on who could make their husband fail quicker. All’s fair in love and war, and this is war.

 Note: Got this idea from a group conversation with my friends, where a debate broke out about women being stronger and more able to survive NNN than men. It got me thinking, hmmm we know Chris has a dirty mind, dirty mind has to equal freak and always wanting to fool around.

It was too much fun working with @oceanscorazon​ a while back for her part one to out first collab titled Rumors & Waves. Look out for part two coming soon.  I had to do it again. Thank you to the beautiful and phenomenal Amber @oceanscorazon​ for agreeing to this!!!

This will be a four part story to be posted one chapter a week to show what November is like for Chris and Uriah. @oceanscorazon​ will also write four parts to show that November is like for Chris and Summer.

***So for Chris and Uriah’s timeline, this is before the events of Rumor Has It.

🍁 🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

“Oh my god, you guys are so dumb. I cannot even deal right now!”

  You couldn’t contain your laughter. Perhaps it was you being at your utmost comfort level, or the fact you were genuinely having a great time or the insane amount of alcohol you’d consumed. Whatever it was, your ugly dork laugh had come out of hiding.

  “Oh my god, the dork laugh has returned,” Chris teased, pointing at you from across the huge firepit. Everyone laughed louder as you narrowed your eyes at your husband.

  “Oh shut up, you know you love my dork laugh.”

  “I do, you’re right. I kinda have to though right, we’re married.”

“What are you saying?”

  “Nothing, sweetheart, just it’s very suspect this laugh of yours didn’t emerge until we’d been married for a week.”

You all laughed harder, fully getting the meaning of his words.

  “Oh, mate, are you really implying that you’d have had second thoughts marrying her if you’d heard the laugh before?”

  Chris shrugged his shoulders with a smirk on his face before he finished his drink. Summer and Hemsworth roared out with “ohs.” You rolled your eyes at him.

  “I’m kidding. I’m kidding. I don’t think anything could have stopped me from marrying her. It was inevitable,” Chris clarified, shooting an enamored smile your way.

  “It was inevitable. From the night you got between these thighs, your fate was sealed,” you gibed. Again, you all laughed heartily.

  “I agree with Riah; everyone saw how captivated you were once you met. We all placed bets on how long it would be until you married her,” Summer announced.

  “Yeah, it was record-breaking time too,” Hemsworth slipped in.

  You smiled at Chris, making your way around the firepit to sit on his lap. Chris wrapped his muscular arms around you and placed a kiss on your jawline. “When you know you know,” he finished.

  “Aww, baby.”

  Your lips met his in a sweet kiss, then turned passionate. Chris pulled you closer, and before anything could turn dirty you pulled back. You heard the low grunt that caught in his throat as he gave you a look that spoke of desire. You knew what was in store for you when you got home.

  “You guys are so stinking cute. Five years and still acting like newlyweds,” Summer broke in as Hemsworth leaned over to kiss her temple as the words left her mouth. She smiled and turned to her husband and kissed him softly.

  “Look who’s talking,” Chris quipped.

  “Oh, can’t believe it’s the last of October already,” Hemsworth lamented with a groan.

  You all knew what the end of October meant. It meant that you all were now just two months away from getting back to work from your vacations from filming. Hemsworth and Summer were set to get back into superhero mode with Marvel. You’d been signed to two new roles that were set to shoot back to back while you worked on your debut album in between all of it. Chris, on the other hand, was exploring and filming a few new roles since his departure from Captain America. The silence stretched as the threat of work hung in the air between the four of you.

  “I saw something funny on Twitter the other day. There are a bunch of people posting about starting and participating in something called “No Nut November,” Chris began.

  You and Summer groaned in unison as your eyes met. You knew what your best friend was thinking without a word.

  Hemsworth cleared his throat in true Chris Hemsworth exaggerated jokester fashion then began. “Ah, I know this one. It’s when in November, people commit to not having sex.”

  “It’s stupid. I never understood why anyone would do that?” Eyes went to you as you finished your bottle of beer. When you realized it you looked at the three of them “What? Sex is a natural, healthy and fun part of being human. Why would anyone want to get rid of it?”

  Summer and Hemsworth laughed again.

  “Guess we know what goes on behind closed doors now, huh Mrs. Evans,” Summer joked as her husband snickered with her.

  “Hey, we’re adults, and we won’t be shamed,” Chris said coming to your defense.

  “No shame at all, boo,” Summer piped up.

  “I don’t’ see the big deal. I’d be able to handle it easy,” Summer’s husband added as she nodded right beside him.

  You felt Chris’ grip tighten around your waist while his other hand dropped to squeeze the flesh where your upper thigh and ass met. His giant hand was blazing hot. Chris only got this hot when he’d gotten some drinks in him, and his body was turning the alcohol into fuel—but fuel for something else entirely. Your eyes locked onto his to see his teeth sink into his bottom lip. You smiled and mouthed, “behave.” He smiled and buried his face into your neck and teased the sensitive flesh there.

  “Eh-em!” You turned to find Summer and co looking at you.

  “Hm?”

  “Guess we got our answer, you and Evans definitely wouldn’t make it. You’re both too weak,” Summer teased.

  “Woah, woah, are we forgetting who was the one playing Captain America, the first strongest avenger?”

Everyone rolled their eyes. “Bro, you’re like an old quarterback who just won’t let go of his glory days. We get it sport, you were the best or one of them, but let’s not forget about who the actual god of thunder is,” Hemsworth gloated while flexing his muscle. You noticed Summer’s broad smile as she stared at her husband’s arm.

  “I just don’t appreciate being called weak. My wife and I would more than be able to make it because we’re physically and mentally strong,” Chris professed, sitting up in his Adirondack chair. Your eyes dropped to him, trying to give him the signal to abort what he was saying because you saw where this was heading.

  “Oh, so you think you’d be able to win this thing?” Hemsworth added.

  The two of them always loved to goad each other. One time, Chris had goaded Hemsworth into a beer drinking match while you and Summer were left as the innocent bystanders watching your husbands act like children, then you had to be the ones to take care of them after they’d both surpassed their limits. It ended in vomit, and neither of you were happy, which finished with both of them being in the doghouse for several weeks. Another time Hemsworth goaded Chris into a surfing challenge knowing full well Chris was not a surfer. He grew up in Boston. That resulted in Chris getting stung by a jellyfish and Hemsworth having to pee on him. You and summer laughed your asses off but never heard the end of it from either of your husbands.

  Then there was that time they both tricked each other into some whacky challenge to drive for an hour completely naked. That ended up with both of them getting pulled over by the cops who found it amusing and let them go, but they were then spotted by TMZ and ended up being on the show with the headline “Fast and Furious Streaking Chris’.” It was hilarious, but neither of them lived it down for several months. You and Summer knew this was about to get out of hand.

  “Guys,” you began, but neither of them batted an eye to your but in into the conversation. They simply continued debating the issue of who had the mental strength to do it.

  “Hello! We the wives have something to say,” Summer attempted. Her husband briefly looked to her then back to Chris.

  “Hold on, baby, the men--husbands are in the middle of something.”

  Summer’s jaw dropped, and you couldn’t help but laugh. You knew when they got like this, neither you or Summer would get a word in. You stood from Chris’ lap and walked over to the cooler where the drinks were with Summer following behind you. They didn’t even seem to notice.

  The two of you stood there and watched your husbands, and loves of your lives continue on as if you weren’t even there. “This won’t end well,” Summer began.

  “Oh, girl, I know.”

  “Why must they always try to do this one up game?”

  You shrugged because you honestly didn’t know what it was. It wasn’t a male thing because sometimes women got into it as well, but with men, it was on a whole different level.

  “Remember when Chris dared Evans to hold that rattlesnake saying he’d held them hundreds of times?”

  You and Summer snickered at the memory. Hemsworth hadn’t touched it but lied his ass off, and Chris fell for it and held it with no problem only when it was Hemsworth’s turn he chickened out, then Chris chased him around with it.

  “For a man who lives in Australia, you’d think him, and the rattlers would be best buds,” Summer joked.

  “Remember the time they got into a literal race on Sunset?”

  Summer rolled her eyes. The four of you were going to dinner together. After leaving your house, Chris and Hemsworth got into a pissing match over who could run the fastest. It went on and on for the whole eight-mile car drive. When you’d gotten to Sunset both of them got out the car and raced down to the restaurant, leaving you and Summer to drive the vehicles there. When you arrived, it was decided that they’d tied, which led to talks of a rematch.

  It was exhausting having them together, but it sure was great comedy. Suddenly both of them stood.

  “It’s settled then,” Hemsworth said.

  “Damn right it is,” Chris repeated. Both of them looked to you with huge smiles on their faces.

  “We’ve decided that we’re participating in this No Nut November, and we’re going to win,” Hemsworth began.

  You and Summer quickly spat out your mouthfuls of beer and gaped at your husbands. When neither of their smiles faltered, and neither spoke you and Summer looked to each other clearly thinking the same thing.

  “What the fuck!?” It came out at the same time, and the confusion and shock you both felt clearly and precisely came across.

“No Nut November, for the entire month of November,” Chris began before you cut him off.

  “I know what the hell No Nut November is Christopher. I’m not an idiot! What the hell do you mean we’re participating? Who decided that?”

  “We did,” he informed, motioning between him and Chris.

  “Oh, so you two are fucking each other?”

  “Really, Summer?”

  “That is the only way you two could come up and decide something that involves your wives as well,” Summer continued.

  “Babe, we’ve got this. We’ve been married longer and have way more self-control than these two noobs,” Hemsworth slid in as he approached her.

  “Hey! We have self-control!” Your outburst was not to defend this stupid idea; it was to defend you and Chris as a couple.

  “Sure you do,” Hemsworth added with a snort. “Summer, it’ll be easy, like taking candy from a baby.”

  “Whatever, you two are the ones who couldn’t keep your hands off each other during filming. Our godchildren were conceived because you couldn’t practice professionalism and control,” Chris dropped in. Your eyes bugged as did Summers.

  “Wow, you went there, Evans? Really?” Chris shrugged his shoulders so matter of factly that you had no choice but to laugh.

  “Really, Riah!”

  “I’m sorry, I really am. You have to admit though, that was the perfect slide in. He read you both.” You did your best to stop smiling, but it was difficult.

  “I say we take this bet and show them what winners look like,” Hemsworth added.

  “Not a good idea,” Summer finished.

  “We already have a bet Summer. The Evans’ will bring this home!”

  “Whatever mate, the Hemsworths are going to claim this victory.”

  “Rules are simple. For the entire month of November, neither of us will have sex. None of us will get any nut,” Chris explained as his eyes went from Summer to Hemsworth and then to you.

  You and Summer were just stunned as to how this happened, especially with them completely ignoring what the two of you had to say about it.

  “Whichever couple makes it gets bragging rights, and the pool bet money. I’m putting down five grand Summer, and I have this.”

  “Well, I’m putting down five grand Riah, and I more than have this,” Chris countered.

  You rolled your eyes and looked to Summer. She was still frozen, just watching her husband speak.

  “Whichever couple doesn’t make it has to change their social media name to “Failed NNN” for a week and post/tweet as normal.”

  “Easy. I’m gonna raise that bet, on top of changing your name you have to go on IG live and announce that you failed and lost to us,” Chris raised.

  “Oh ho, deal!” Hemsworth and Chris shook hands and looked to the two of you. Again, neither you or Summer spoke. Your husbands walked off together, throwing themselves back into conversation as if they hadn’t just committed to a month of torture without consulting either of you.

  “What just happened?”

  “Girl, we just got fitted for and shackled with our chastity belts for November,” you informed.

  “Ain’t that a--.” Summer started, as the two of you just stood there looking at the men you loved who’d just started yet another war with each other, which had the two of you dealing with the fallout.

  “Bitch,” you finished.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[hamliet]

Hello! Have you seen TROS yet? [Spoiler alert] I was really devastated by the ending - coming out the theater feeling upset and disappointed. Do you have any thoughts on it? Or maybe any plan to write fix-it fic? Thank you!

I am seeing it tomorrow. That said, I’ve read the plot summary, and no good execution can save that. So I was planning on posting this after I watched it with amendments made as I hope to enjoy it, but I’ll just post it now and amend this as necessary based on the film as I see it. (I still believe I will enjoy the film, even if I don’t think it’s a good film. I do think that. I really do... I hope.)

BASED ON THE PLOT SUMMARIES ALONE (grains of salt everywhere!): 

I think it’s technically… messy writing at best and downright bad writing in other parts.* 10/10 it’s a blockuster-y, JJ Abrams-esque, (hopefully) fun, messy narrative movie that will be forgotten in 0.3 seconds.

Disclaimer before everyone comes after me: if you like it, AWESOME. If you think it’s good writing, great! Good writing and bad writing are inherently subjective; that said, there are general consensuses among literary studies about what constitutes bad and good writing. Hence, I’m relying on those consensuses when I call it messily written.

Before we get into specifics, I’ll compare it to two other major pop culture endings: Game of Thrones and Avengers: Endgame.

TROS is similar to the GoT final season in that it attempts to incorporate every aspect of fan speculation ever. However, it’s more like Endgame in that it is still somewhat true to the themes and characters—but unfortunately also like Endgame, it is not transformative or particularly interesting as a story on its own. In fact, it’s rather boring and honestly… bad storytelling. It tries to rehash Return of the Jedi but it doesn’t succeed in any way because the world and the overall story has grown since the early 1980s, and so the same story doesn’t work anymore.

Showing a cyclical story remaining cyclical with no sign of that breaking–instead, the cycles are even reinforced–does not give optimism nor does it give hope.

Redemption=death needs to die already. If we really want to reach people and tell them that the message is that you can always make a better choice (as Daisy Ridley and JJ Abrams have said about Kylo’s arc), maybe don’t send the message in each and every story that you have to die to redeem yourself. Look outside of cultural secular Calvinism, for the love of God and the betterment of the world and stories as a whole.

Now let’s talk Rey’s parentage.

We know Rey Palpatine wasn’t planned from the beginning (Trevorrow, the original write/director of IX, who was thankfully fired, said that he never planned for Palpatine to return), which means Rey’s parentage was most likely retconned from TLJ and there was no real plan for the sequel trilogy’s overall character arcs (save for Kylo’s, according to the actors and writers).

Listen to me. You don’t have to have everything planned when you start a three-film saga, but you gotta know the major beats.

This is like a sad game of movie telephone. 

Yes, I know the OT Star Wars didn’t have a plan either and it’s like one of the only examples I can think of where no plan worked out–albeit not without hiccups (Leia kissing Luke, anyone?) If you expect lightning to strike twice in the same place, I’m sorry, but you are hopelessly naive.

Having Rey decide she wants to carry on the name Skywalker at the end is lame as shit. It’s a way to appease fans while being like nah she still isn’t related. Trying to please every fan is a sure way to guarantee that you will please no one. It might make for a perfectly pleasant film experience (I really hope it does), but not good, lasting storytelling (though not like, horrific either). It’s meh. It’s like… giving someone who is starving oatmeal. It will get the job done but will it satisfy and enthrall people? Not quite.

And let’s switch gears for a minute to Finn and Rose, my first and third favorite characters in this trilogy (Kylo is second, Rey is fourth). The sidelining of Rose is nothing short of a terrible attempt to please the white-supremacist-aligned Fandom Menace. Let’s not pretend it’s anything else. JJ’s lipservice about how wonderful it was that Kelly was cast at SW Celebration is, in hindsight, absolutely nauseating.

Shame on JJ. Shame on Disney.

But the main problem I have with this film is this:

Why did it need to exist?

The answer is money. Obviously. I know, I know stories exist to make money. That doesn’t mean I can’t criticize the fact that the story was sacrificed on the unholy altar of capitalism and Disney’s desire to own our souls. (Disney–the reason I like your movies is that a lot of them are good stories. I’m not interested in pandering soooooo.)

The Rise of Skywalker does not enhance the Star Wars narrative. Nothing about this film satisfies the Skywalker Saga nor the sequel trilogy, and it kind of all comes down to Kylo Ren’s death being the nail that sunk the entire world of Star Wars.

Keep in mind Kylo is not my favorite character when I’m saying this. Finn is. But I never spoke about Finn as much because the story didn’t utilize him properly. I never had concerns about Finn getting a happy ending while I was worried for Rey and Kylo’s arcs. (Finn’s arc, however, did have a ton more potential than was capitalized on; in particular, he would have been better if he was more conflicted over say, shooting other stormtroopers. His whole character humanized the usual red shirts, which when paired with Rose’s everywoman character, had so much potential I could shriek about it all day. That he didn’t lead other brainwashed stormtroopers into rebellion and freedom saddens me. Also, his ending again seems to bring about a good victim/bad victim dichotomy when it is compared with Kylo’s. The reason these two are my faves is that they were brainwashed as kids which, well, I can kinda sorta heavily relate to.)

Kylo Ren and Rey’s relationship doesn’t really get much better than it did in The Last Jedi. It actually rehashes that arc significantly. We already knew Kylo would fight for Rey and the galaxy, so… how was this different? Now, if he had lived, it would have been different, because it was the after the fight that proved that Kylo wasn’t ready to redeem himself in The Last Jedi. It was Kylo’s choice to stay at the expense of Rey and the Resistance that was literally the set up for conflict in the next film. This… turned it into nothing? Their conflict is rehashed and then whoo-hoo! Easy way out! Kill him so that they don’t have to deal with the “after” this time! They never have to deal with the conflict literally set up in The Last Jedi.

That’s bad writing, fam.

Life is infinitely more interesting. Leaving the story open with a living Skywalker instead of killing literally everyone involved with the Skywalkers except Rey who now adopts that name is… so unsatisfying I can’t even. Even if later material shows him showing up as a Force Ghost, like: cool saw that with Vader so this… adds nothing to the existing films. It doesn’t really reconcile anything.

It also… does not help the Rey=Mary Sue argument. She is NOT a Mary Sue, and that is a sexist term itself, but in no way is it a satisfying ending to her arc, because it isn’t a well-written ending which means it isn’t a well-written arc. The problem with Rey’s ending is a mirror of my problem with Kylo’s ending: it’s the very much a combination of her ending in The Last Jedi and her life before The Force Awakens.

She and Kylo are now separated (permanently this time).

She’s has her Resistance friends.

She’s alone on a desert planet.

But wait! Now she’s now happy!

Uh, why? The only reason I can think of is that the narrative demands it. Because honestly, what changes? The family she chose–the Skywalkers–are just as dead as her Palpatine birth family, soooooo. I suppose she reconciled with her heritage and come to peace with it and so that’s why she’s happy now, but… I can’t lie. It’s not hopeful. It’s not optimistic. It’s not Star Wars and it isn’t consistent for the message (especially if this is supposed to be the ending to the saga!) to be both:

life sucks for the Skywalkers and then they die–seriously, look at Shmi, Anakin, Padmé, Leia, Luke, Han, Kylo–it is LITERALLY ALL OF THEM; and

deciding to be a Skywalker means you’re at peace.

I can only assume Rey’s life will suck and then she’ll die, tbh, unless of course she is better off because of her blood… which negates the point of her being a Skywalker and is a really gross idea.

YOU CAN’T HAVE BOTH IN YOUR ENDING. PICK ONE.

Rejecting the Skywalkers would be anti-Star Wars, for sure, but marrying into them as a way of bridging the unfinished pain between Anakin and Padmé and Leia and her father? Much better. Or just leave it open. Honestly, leave it open for Kylo and Rey to both be alive and see each other again.

But you’re just upset your ship didn’t get a happy ending!

No, I’m upset about the storytelling, of which shipping is a part. A canonical part just as much as the lightsaber fights are. Anakin and Padmé. Leia and Han. Finn and Rose. Poe and Zorii. Rey and Ben.

The Force created Anakin, remember? All films–even the spin-offs–encourage our heroes to trust the force. “May the force be with us.” But the Force created an ENTIRE FAMILY THAT LIVED LIVES THAT SUCKED AND MADE LIFE SUCK FOR EVERYONE AROUND THEM AND THEN THEY DIED.

May the Force stay far the f*ck away from me, amen.

But seriously I can’t trust the world of a galaxy far far away or its narrative anymore. It’s a contradiction that causes all nine films to unravel. Why?

Again, let’s return to my earlier GoT comparison, because there is one thing TROS does that is more similar to GoT than to Endgame: Endgame drew together a bunch of unique distinctly separate stories into a crossover. TROS, just like GoT, relied on cliffhanger, incomplete endings to its films and therefore the ending matters a hell of a lot more than a stand-alone story.

I’m not dying to rewatch it like I am with stories where I realize I might learn more the second time. And by “rewatch it” I mean the entire nine-film saga. Knowing that canonically Leia, Luke, Han–they all die and their last descendent dies, the last descendent of Padmé and Anakin–for me, it’s personally gonna be hard to watch again. It’s gonna be hard to watch TROS going into it the first time.

And so the saga of bad endings continues.

Game of Thrones remains the worst at a -100 out of 10. It’s followed by Tokyo Ghoul:re which is still 2/10, and Star Wars is, on paper (meaning after I see it I am hoping it rises a few notches) now… 4/10. Endgame is a solid 6.5/10.

Banana Fish, sweetie, I’m sorry you were ranked down there. Your ending is a 7/10 but the rest of your story is like, 10/10 so you are sprung from this list.

Help me, Shingeki no Kyojin. You’re my only hope.

[smokeybrand]

Sacked

This Empyre crossover Marvel farted out was so gay, man. I’m not saying that to be homophobic, I'm saying that as a matter of fact. There were a lot of queer folks getting the spotlight in this and i think it was a detriment to the overall narrative, not in the sense that the representation was bad, but more that the overall narrative felt like queer pandering. I was never a huge fan of Wiccan and Hulkling as characters, the only Young Avenger i found compelling was Finesse, but i didn’t hate them being a thing. I actually enjoyed the fact that they loved each other and shared a very openly gay relationship during a time when that type of stuff still needed to be normalized. That said, these two kids are B-List at best. They’re non-factors in the Marvel universe so why the f*ck do they get to headline an entire crossover event? Literally, who thought this was good idea?

Marvel has been real sh*tty as of late with their writing. There are certain outstanding plots and arcs but those aren’t the norm. I really enjoyed the newest Doom book and whatever the f*ck Hickman is doing over yonder with the X-Men is wildly intriguing. Professor X has finally, properly, transformed into Mr. Right, Magneto? I’m here for all of that. Apocalypse is hanging around being mad sinister about some sh*t that will lead to the corniest crossover event i have ever seen, but still want to see because the first Death is f*cking Anubis and i live for that type of sh*t? Yessir! The last, massive, Thor crossover, War of the Reams was pretty hilarious and had great character interactions that i loved. That last Secret Wars was f*cking phenomenal, following the equally excellent Incursion arcs. God Doom’s Battleworld was the best Battleworld to date. House of M, Spider-Island, Seige, Fear Itself, Spider-verse, Infinity, the SpOck arc; All of these tales, f*cking outstanding. The thing about all of those stories i just listed is that they have an actual story. Those narratives felt like they had a place to go. There was a real plot and the events therein, actually amounted to something. There were very real consequences and definitive shifts in the status quo once those narratives concluded. Empyre has none of that.

Empyre is so queer, man, and that’s the problem. It feels like the writers started with how gay Wiccan and Hulkling were, and worked backwards to fit some sort of conflict tos bury that lead. It cheapens the validity of their relationship and it grosses me out. This was effectively stunt writing, Twatter catering, gender politic, cash grabbing. Billy and Theo deserve their happy ending and they deserved a much better narrative to get them there. It’s been a long time coming, but to marry them in the most obnoxious, over-the-top, Bayhem-esque, manner possible, feels like  cop out. This whole story feels like agenda over narrative and that’s the sh*t f*cking up everything in media today. Look, Billy and Theodore can be as gay as you want them to be. That’s fine. I’m here for all of that. But those are just aspects of the characters, not their definition. There should never be an intergalactic conflict where the sun is going to blow up the entire f*cking solar system, and all of that drama takes a backseat to the sexuality of two kids who have been f*cking on the regular for, what? A decade and a half? I mean, the entire resolution to this mess was “The Power of Love” like they’re both Disney Princesses or some sh*t. You should have called this arc Frozen because it has that same energy.

I’ve written at length about how i feel diversity should be portrayed in our entertainment media. It absolutely needs to be there. The sh*t we watch should always reflect the world we live in and this world is a rainbow of race, creed, sexuality, and capability. If you want to focus your narrative on any single one of these things, to define your entire story and conflict through such a narrow lens, that’s fine. The best way to tell those stories is to make them as intimate as possible because those are, by nature, very personal and intimate stories. Peanut Butter Falcon, Boys Don’t Cry, and Love Simon, are perfect examples of that. This is not the type of story Empyre presents. If you want to write a sprawling epic that examines what it means to be whatever in the context of a narrative, that’s fine, too. I don’t care for The Old Guard but the way they explore what it means to live forever, what it means to love forever, in such an organically beautiful manner, i couldn’t help but commend that production for it. Even if the film whiffed on the rest of the character adaption. This is the type of story Empyre wants to tell but it reads like the opposite of that. It reads like the whole Rey debacle and “The Force is Female” situation with Star Wars. It feels preachy and forced, not respectful and genuine. That’s the wrong way to handle all of this.

You want to marry Billy and Theo, f*cking go for it. Make it an event in a one shot like they did Spider-Man or Superman. Make that an arc unto itself. That’s one of those intimate stories i was talking about. You don’t need an entire, intergalactic, war as a prelude to something that should have happened a decade ago. I mean, the way Marvel bent over backwards to bring eternal enemies, the Kree and the Skrulls, together for this creatively bankrupt, sermon as some weird ploy to make this marriage mean more than it should feels like they didn’t have faith in doing just that. It’s kind of offensive. Just write good stories with great characters and everything will take care of itself. Billy shouldn’t be a glorified deus ex machina and solve the puzzled that is the Kree-Skrull alliance “with his kiss.” Theo doesn’t have the clout to be an entire linchpin to a massive, multi-issue, crossover event. Like, who cares? Both of these characters deserve much better than this, and that’s coming from a guy who doesn’t really care about either of them. This entire event feels so disingenuous to me, which is a shame, because this thing had all of the hallmarks of being as dope as Annihilation only Marvel went “Full Woke” with their nonsense. This sh*t reads as bad as those new New Warriors that dropped a few months back. Marvel is overextending trying to appeal to that Twatter crowd and it’s making their books damn near unreadable. Sh*t’s all bad comedy now.