#beth may never misses

[pinkithai]

beth’s episode 3 radfact being that trudy was charged with battery is so good cause like yeah! she sure is! every night!

[risetherivermoon]

everytime i think about Larry the Science Kid i have to try not to laugh out loud...god this bit is so good

[dykeyote]

literally i’m still in dndaddies s1 but i am Counting Down the episodes until i get to see willy stampler being an asshole because he’s. so fucking mean but it’s so casual? it’s so ingrained i love his dynamic with ron but in a Jesus Fucking Christ kind of way it’s like watching a car accident it’s awful it’s gut-wrenching you’re cycling back every minute every second before it happened and realizing there were signs this is inevitable. he’s such a dick i hate him and the Way. that Ron says shit the way ron will offhandedly mention facts about his childhood that he thought were normal and everyone stares i am sick to my stomach. i need confrontation sooo bad i don’t care that they’re breaking out of jail it’s all just filler until ron and willy are face to face again

NO YOURE SO REAL FOR THIS ITS SOOO . AGHHHHH . i need to relisten to season one because oh my goddd ron and willys interactions are so so so . Horrible . in such a well written way it makes me insane and its the same w willy and scary in s2 he just Says things so casually that are so fucking devastating . this ask is maknig me wanna listen to death of a salesman again (never a good choice) bc aghhh god its so . AGH . aghhhh .a gahgahghahghghgh <- dying . like the incredibly casual reference to the fact that willys cheating on his sick wife thats never addressed again bc ron was a Kid he wouldnt know what was going on makes me fucking explode every time

[myloish]

"Inside every dog is a Very Good Boy and a Very Wild Wolf." Willllll 😭 Anthony was so right when he said will has fantastic story sense, he's like the positive influence english teacher I never had

[the-raindeer-king]

Imagine Simon's mom doesn't die with Tommy and Beth. Maybe she was out of town, or at a friend's house, and Roba's men were sloppy and missed her. Anyway, so it's just Simon and her now, and because he blames himself for what happened, he's pulled away from her.

He pays her rent, even if he wanted her to live in a nicer apartment complex. And he visits during her birthday and Mother's Day, and sometimes just randomly stops by. But he never stays very long, and he doesn't tell her a lot about his new life. It's a very one sided relationship, but she tries to make the best of it.

And then you move in next door, during one of Simon's deployments. You feel bad for the sweet lady that lives next to you. She never seems to have much company, and you take it upon yourself to befriend her, spending more time in her apartment than your own.

You learn about her ex husband, her sons, the tragedy, and most importantly, you learn about Simon. And you hate him. Mrs. Riley (she insists you call her Sarah) is such a lovely woman, and it's clear how much she cares about her living son, how hard she's trying to keep their relationship alive.

It's the second Mother's Day after you move in when you finally meet Simon. Your relationship with your own mother is complicated, so you've opted to spend the day with Mrs. Riley. You'd gotten her a small present, and had planned to spend the day drinking wine and watching historical romance movies.

You're thoroughly shocked when you knock on her door, and a man answers. Six feet, built like a brick house, but under his scowl, you recognize Sarah's eyes.

“You must be Simon.”

His scowl deepens, but before he can say anything, Mama Riley is pushing past him, pulling you into her apartment to fuss over you.

She apologizes for not telling you sooner, but your plans will have to be rescheduled. Simon's back early, and she can't waste a precious second.

You're understanding. You've listened to her worried rants, given her space to cry over how things have turned out. You know she loves spending time with her son, even if the visits are short and he doesn't talk much.

Simon doesn't miss the way you glare at him. There's a fury in your eyes, even as you cheerily wish his mother a happy mother's day. For a moment, he wonders if you're a spy. But that thought is quickly diminished, when you verbally eviscerate him at the door.

You're quiet, not wanting to upset his mom, but your anger is clear. It may not be your business, but Mama Riley is your friend, and you adore the older woman. And you cannot stand by while he treats her like this. She loves her son so much, and he needs to step up and try harder.

As you're chewing him out, Simon's already head over heels, planning your wedding as the seconds tick by.

(A/N: You can read this as a stand alone piece, but I did write 3 more drabbles (four in total!) for this! They're all on my blog under the tag mama riley au. Thank you for reading!)

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

[infiniteglitterfall]

Uggghhh, what is UP with Canada?!

In Vancouver, the Schara Tzedeck synagogue's windows were smashed on April 19th.

In Toronto on April 19, five windows at the Kehillat Shaarei Torah synagogue were smashed with a hammer.

In Toronto on April 26, someone set a sign on fire at Beth Tikvah Synagogue....

....And again on April 28.

In Toronto in May, Jewish community members started escorting a kid to school because he was being bullied by peers who told him, "We're going to do to you what Hamas did to Israel," pushed him, kicked him, threw stones at him, and told him, "we need to kill you." This had been going on for six months. (His family had gone to both the school and police repeatedly at this point and it had only escalated; the kids throwing stones at him on the way to school was new.)

In Toronto on May 17th, Kehillat Shaarei Torah's windows were smashed again.

On May 25th before dawn, two people shot at Bais Chaya Muska, a Jewish girls' school in Toronto.

On May 29th, in the middle of the night, someone shot at the Belz Yeshiva Ketana school in Montreal.

In Vancouver on May 30, someone poured fuel on the doors of the Schara Tzedeck synagogue, then firebombed them.

In an article on June 7, Rabbi Lisa Grushcow of Emanu-El-Beth Sholom synagogue in Montreal said people have yelled “Hitler was right!” and “Jew!” at her congregants as they arrive for Shabbat services and that Jewish kids are being bullied in local schools.

On June 1 in Toronto, a man smashed the window of the Anshei Minsk synagogue with a rock.

On June 3 in Kitchener, someone smashed the front door of Beth Jacob synagogue.

On June 19th in Montreal, three small bullet-like holes were somehow made in the windows of Falafel Yoni. (I don't know, all the articles go out of their way to say they don't know WHAT made the holes.) Falafel Yoni is owned by a Jewish man who was born in Israel, and has appeared on boycott lists despite the owner never having said anything political about Israel.

On the same day, down the street from Falafel Yoni, someone smashed the windows of a nearby gym whose co-owner is Jewish and had also been born in Israel.

On June 30 in Toronto, someone threw stones at the Pride of Israel synagogue, then at Kehillat Shaarei Torah, smashing windows (again) in the latter.

On the weekend of July 27th, a father and son in Toronto were arrested for planning a terrorist attack and murder on behalf of ISIL, which is wild.

On July 29th, someone torched a bus belonging to the Bobov Hassidic school in Toronto.

And smashed the windows of a DIFFERENT Jewish school in Toronto, Leo Baeck Jewish Day School, and set it on fire.

On July 31 in Toronto, guess which synagogue had three signs set on fire? That's right: Kehillat Shaarei Torah.

Plus one sign set afire at Toronto's Temple Sinai Congregation the same night, presumably by the same arsonist, who might even have been the stone-hurler of June 30.

There are probably ones I missed. Just putting this list together took like three hours, though. I kept having to go, "Wait, surely that can't be the same synagogue AGAIN" and "they only mention the closest major intersection, which one was this?!" and "that can't be a different one, how many windows did they smash??" and go look for more sources. Plus a couple of articles were giving conflicting dates for one of the incidents.

And nobody ever gives actual dates, they just say shit like, "Blah blah blah was reported Monday...." so I have to look at the article date and then look at a damn calendar.

I went back as far as April because everything I found was referring to earlier incidents. Back to April. February and March were relatively quiet, at least in the news. Although interestingly, February is when the most hate crimes in Toronto had been reported, at least as of ... oh, I see.

As of March.

On the bright side, I did discover that Kehillat Shaarei Torah consistently has great jokes on its sign.

[wosoamazing]

Bad Timing

Warnings: Endometriosis, Passing Out, Vomiting

A/N: IDK how good it is, can’t decide if I like it or not but yeah…. (also I tried to make this as accurate as possible in terms of the medical things but IDK)

It was your first Lionesses camp, which you were dreading, if you weren't nervous enough your period was due during this camp, and to say it wasn’t easy was a massive understatement, you had just recently been diagnosed with endometriosis, after what felt like years of being told you were over dramatic. You were rooming with Leah, Sarina had said something about “broadening horizons” or something by switching up the rooms slightly, it meant nothing to you, it was your first camp. However this made you more nervous and scared about getting your period. Leah was really nice and kind, and you really enjoyed playing at Arsenal with her and you always took on any tips she had for you, but you were worried she would see you as weak after seeing how you were on your period. You knew she also had endometriosis and for the one and a half years you have been at arsenal she had not once taken a day off, making you feel like you just weren’t strong enough. You missed training almost once a month and Beth even forced you to pull out of a game one day, insisting she stayed with you missing the game as well. To be fair Leah had done her ACL a week before you signed for arsenal however you still never once heard her complain about it.

Training had been going well, even though you had a dull ache in your abdomen and you had a headache, you knew it meant you would be getting your period pretty soon but you thought you would be in clear at least for now and that you could make it through training, you just had to try and ignore the pain, that had slowly been increasing in intensity.

You were having a drink when a hand was placed on your shoulder, “do you have another pair of shorts?” It was Leah, “no,” you replied quietly trying not to cry, how did you manage to not bring a spare pair, of course this happened, you had travelled from your hotel on the bus to training so it wasn't like you could just go up to your room. “Okay, well why don’t you go to the locker room and I’ll just tell Sarina what is happening and then I’ll come to you, I have a spare pair.” “I should probably go get my tablets from the medics” “Do you-” you cut her off with a nod knowing what she was going to say before a wave of stabbing cramps caused you to hunch over slightly and clutch at your stomach. “It’s okay, I will do all of that, you just go to the locker room.” you nodded before you turned around and walked into the locker room.

Leah had noticed things not many people would, first it was how you missed a training session from the same week 3 months in a row, then it was the fact that you bled through more than you would’ve liked, and the last one was that you would always sit with your knees to your chest in meetings and breaks during the week that your day off fell into.

____

“Sarina, I think Y/N has just started her period, I’m just coming to tell you because she needs to change her shorts and doesn't have any but I do, so I was just going to go with her.” Leah says as she walked over to Sarina, who nodded before walking away from the other girls getting Leah to follow her, “She has endometriosis, the medics have her tablets and from what her doctors reports say it gets bad, it’s only a friendly, I might get someone to take you both back to the hotel, so we can make a judgement on how we approach this long term, I don’t want to risk her health. Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah, I think that might be good. Thank you” “No, thank you Leah. I know you will take good care of her, it might not just be a coincidence that you are her roommate.”

____

Once you got into your room you changed out of your training gear and Leah went down with one of the medics so she could get some things you may need.

Once you had changed you started to walk over to your bed when a shooting pain ran down your back and legs sending you to the floor. You were curled up on the floor of your room, holding your stomach tightly, just wishing Leah came back soon, maybe she could help. You really hated how your periods just started like a tidal wave, giving you no time to prepare. You felt like someone was squeezing and twisting your uterus, whilst your back cramped.

“Oh tiny,” Leah said sympathetically as she walked back into the room, she placed the items she had gotten on the bed before she crouched down in front of you.

“Do you want me to move you to the bed?” you gave her a weak nod, and she placed a hand on your shoulder before rolling you over slightly so she could pick you up, the slight movement caused you to whimper before the swift movement of her picking you up caused a heavy stream of tears to fall from your eyes, “I know, I know, I’m sorry”. She gently placed you down in the middle of your bed, before getting in next to you, her upper body was propped up slightly from the pillows as she laid down next to you. She silently handed you a hot water bottle which you placed on your stomach before curling up into a ball on top of her, your head resting on her chest. “Do you want one on your back too or no? I can keep it there,” “yes please,” you said weakly, she grabbed it and softly placed it on your back before holding it there.

“I have a sick bag if you need it, and please ask me for anything at all, I promise I wont judge you, I just want to help.” you just nodded slightly and she wrapped her free hand around you, you managed to fall asleep but even asleep Leah could tell you were still in pain.

____

“How is she, is she okay?” Beth panicked as she rushed into your room concerned for her favourite little person, she had obviously been informed by Sarina or one of the other staff. You had known Beth since you were born, you were very close family friends, your Dad’s knew each other from when they were young kids and even though you were 11 years younger than her you both always got along well. So when you moved to Arsenal it was a no-brainer that you would move in with her and Viv, it also meant they would have someone living with them to help. When her Mum died it hit you hard, June had been a big part of your life, always looking after you for your parents when their work caused them to be away, she would always show up to your weekend games if she was available and even came to your grandparents day at school, when your grandparents couldn't come but you didn't want your parents to go, when the teacher suggested you could bring an adult friend you had asked her and she happily accepted.

“Yeah she is okay, I think she is in a lot of pain though, it's kind of worrying me,” Leah said as she looked at you, noticing a fear tears were now leaving your eyes even as you slept.

“y/n” Leah softly said as she brushed her hand against your cheek causing your eyes to flutter open, “Beth is here,” you opened your eyes to see Beth sitting on Leah’s bed, “Can I go to the toilet?” “Sure, do you want me to help?” you nodded shyly and Beth helped you off Leah before steadying you as you walked into the bathroom, just as you entered the bathroom, you felt light headed and dizzy, everything was going blurry and there was a ringing in your ears.

“Beth-” your voice was laced with panic and pain “It’s okay, don’t worry, let's just sit on the floor,” Beth said calmly as she lowered you to the floor knowing what was going to happen, as soon as you were on the floor your body went limp against Beth’s and everything went black. “It’s okay, you’re okay, we’re here, we’ve got you,” you heard Beth say as you came back to, opening your eyes slowly so they knew, “Are you okay?” you shook your head as you closed your eyes again. All your body weight was still being supported by Beth, as you took some deep breaths “do you think you might be sick?” you nodded your head, and Leah quickly got the sick bag from the bed and handed it to Beth, “I’ve got a bag, okay. You’re going to be okay though, I promise, I’ve got you, no matter what happens,” Beth reassured you, a few minutes had passed and thankfully you hadn't been sick yet. “Are they always this bad?” Leah asked to which you nodded slightly before letting your head fall back against Beth’s shoulder, she brushed away the pieces of hair that were stuck to your forehead before giving you a small kiss on your forehead.

“Have-” Beth shook her head, “They wont do anything more Leah, we’ve been to extensive appointments, she is too young for them to look into more drastic things yet apparently, and due to her age she is limited on the strength and type of painkillers she is on but some months they are a bit better but they also can get a lot worse.”

[book--brackets]

Summaries under the cut

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

It is 1939. Nazi Germany. The country is holding its breath. Death has never been busier, and will be busier still.

By her brother's graveside, Liesel's life is changed when she picks up a single object, partially hidden in the snow. It is The Gravedigger's Handbook, left behind there by accident, and it is her first act of book thievery. So begins a love affair with books and words, as Liesel, with the help of her accordian-playing foster father, learns to read. Soon she is stealing books from Nazi book-burnings, the mayor's wife's library, wherever there are books to be found.

But these are dangerous times. When Liesel's foster family hides a Jew in their basement, Liesel's world is both opened up, and closed down.

The Giver by Lois Lowry

At the age of twelve, Jonas, a young boy from a seemingly utopian, futuristic world, is singled out to receive special training from The Giver, who alone holds the memories of the true joys and pain of life.

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Here are talented tomboy and author-to-be Jo, tragically frail Beth, beautiful Meg, and romantic, spoiled Amy, united in their devotion to each other and their struggles to survive in New England during the Civil War.

Charlotte's Web by E. B. White

Some Pig. Humble. Radiant. These are the words in Charlotte's Web, high up in Zuckerman's barn. Charlotte's spiderweb tells of her feelings for a little pig named Wilbur, who simply wants a friend. They also express the love of a girl named Fern, who saved Wilbur's life when he was born the runt of his litter.

The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini

When Eragon finds a polished blue stone in the forest, he thinks it is the lucky discovery of a poor farm boy; perhaps it will buy his family meat for the winter. But when the stone brings a dragon hatchling, Eragon soon realizes he has stumbled upon a legacy nearly as old as the Empire itself.

Overnight his simple life is shattered, and he is thrust into a perilous new world of destiny, magic, and power. With only an ancient sword and the advice of an old storyteller for guidance, Eragon and the fledgling dragon must navigate the dangerous terrain and dark enemies of an Empire ruled by a king whose evil knows no bounds.

His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman

Lyra is rushing to the cold, far North, where witch clans and armored bears rule. North, where the Gobblers take the children they steal--including her friend Roger. North, where her fearsome uncle Asriel is trying to build a bridge to a parallel world.

Can one small girl make a difference in such great and terrible endeavors? This is Lyra: a savage, a schemer, a liar, and as fierce and true a champion as Roger or Asriel could want--but what Lyra doesn't know is that to help one of them will be to betray the other.

The Maze Runner by James Dashner

If you ain’t scared, you ain’t human.

When Thomas wakes up in the lift, the only thing he can remember is his name. He’s surrounded by strangers—boys whose memories are also gone.

Nice to meet ya, shank. Welcome to the Glade.

Outside the towering stone walls that surround the Glade is a limitless, ever-changing maze. It’s the only way out—and no one’s ever made it through alive.

Everything is going to change.

Then a girl arrives. The first girl ever. And the message she delivers is terrifying.

Remember. Survive. Run.

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein

You'll meet a boy who turns into a TV set, and a girl who eats a whale. The Unicorn and the Bloath live there, and so does Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout who will not take the garbage out. It is a place where you wash your shadow and plant diamond gardens, a place where shoes fly, sisters are auctioned off, and crocodiles go to the dentist.

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

A mysterious island. An abandoned orphanage. A strange collection of very curious photographs. It all waits to be discovered in Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, an unforgettable novel that mixes fiction and photography in a thrilling reading experience. As our story opens, a horrific family tragedy sets sixteen-year-old Jacob journeying to a remote island off the coast of Wales, where he discovers the crumbling ruins of Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children. As Jacob explores its abandoned bedrooms and hallways, it becomes clear that the children were more than just peculiar. They may have been dangerous. They may have been quarantined on a deserted island for good reason. And somehow-impossible though it seems-they may still be alive.

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

Mary Lennox, a spoiled, ill-tempered, and unhealthy child, comes to live with her reclusive uncle in Misselthwaite Manor on England’s Yorkshire moors after the death of her parents. There she meets a hearty housekeeper and her spirited brother, a dour gardener, a cheerful robin, and her wilful, hysterical, and sickly cousin, Master Colin, whose wails she hears echoing through the house at night.

With the help of the robin, Mary finds the door to a secret garden, neglected and hidden for years. When she decides to restore the garden in secret, the story becomes a charming journey into the places of the heart, where faith restores health, flowers refresh the spirit, and the magic of the garden, coming to life anew, brings health to Colin and happiness to Mary.

[outsideratheart]

Fear of Failure (Alessia Russo x reader)

A/N: An Alessia Russo fic after I go see Arsenal is becoming a thing.

You had felt like a failure after losing the World Cup Final. It was you job as captain to lead and as a striker to score. When the 90 minutes were over you felt like you did neither. 

The pain you felt was tough but it failed in comparison to what you felt when you saw Alessia crying. If possible, her eyes were a brighter shade of blue due to the tears she had shed. 

“Come on. Let’s go in” Alessia tried to take your hand but you pulled away. 

“I’m going to stay out here. I can’t face them” you walk away leaving Alessia stood alone until Ella comes. 

Your relationship was Alessia was very new even though the feelings you had for each other were anything but. It was the first time she had seen you like this and she didn’t know what to do. 

The lockeroom is quiet but goes silent as you walk in. You ignore the eyes on you as you head into the ice bath where Lucy is waiting for you. 

“What should I do?” Alessia asks Lotte knowing that the defender has experience with you at a club level.  

“Give her time. She’ll come to you when she’s ready” it was wise advice and Alessia listened to it. 

You came to her when she was on the coach. She left the seat free next to her and you happily slid in. You didn’t say anything but you didn’t pull away when Alessia held you hand. She saw that as a good sign. 

She thought that once you were back in England and at Arsenal that you might have cheered up but that wasn’t the case. You were focused on the champions league qualifiers. So much so that you were working yourself into the ground. 

The whole team knew it was a cruel form of punishment for the summer so they told Jonas who promised to keep an eye on you. 

The first game comes 17 days after the final. You had missed a penalty in the first half but you were relentless after that. Arsenal get the win yet you cannot bring yourself to celebrate. This is what you expected when you play a team like Linköping. You did however make the extra effort to celebrate your girlfriend’s debut. 

“Girls” you stand up gaining the attention of the entire team “to Alessia who is now officially a member of the Arsenal” 

“I think that’s the first time I’ve seen her smile since Australia” Lotte nudges the woman in question. 

“It is and even now I don’t think it’s real” Alessia was really begin to worry about you. Everyone you normally talk to isn’t here. Leah, Beth and Viv will meet the team in Germany. Your girlfriend is hoping that once you’re around them then something will change. 

When you line up against Paris FC you expect the same result but you find yourself two nil down until the final ten minutes. Alessia gets a goal and hopes you celebrate with her but by the time she finds you, you have the ball in your hand and are running back to the spot. Your determination is rewarded as you score in injury time. Paris then take a lead but you manage to get one back and the game is sent to penalties.

It ends with Arsenal losing and you are quick to blame yourself for the loss. It feels like yet another reason why you are a failure.

“Hey” Alessia tries to get your attention as you walk down the tunnel but she gets not response. She doesn’t give up though “Y/N” her voice is a slightly more serious tone.

“Less, please, I can’t” you cannot meet her eyes.

“Can’t what? Talk to me.” The blonde asks. You were never one to hide from her. Maybe other people but you were always open with her.

“No” 

The whole locker room goes silent. A moment that seemed to be private was being held out in the open. 

“Why?” 

“Because I don’t want to!” She didn’t deserve you to snap at her “I cannot have you look at me like I’m broken”

“Y/N, you are—“

“Not good enough, I need to be better. Please leave me alone so I can be better” 

The next couple of days you were worryingly quiet. You may have spoken to Alessia but you didn’t really say much.

When you landed in Germany you pulled Jonas aside. He told you that you would be rooming with Alessia for the duration of the trip and that it would be a trial for future away games. 

“I need you to split me and Alessia up” you told your coach.

“Y/N, I have no issue with your relationship with Alessia. You told me as soon as you knew she was joining the club and I trust you to be professional” 

“I don’t mean our relationship, god no. I mean I cannot share a room with her. Jonas I am struggling right now and I cannot put that on her”

“Ok. If that is what you think is best then I’ll put you with Lia” 

“Thanks coach”

It was hard for Alessia to see you pull away from her but you did. She noticed that you spent more time with the injured players than you did her. The only person she felt comfortable talking to about this was Lotte as she knew her well and Lotte knew you.

“I don’t get what I did wrong. I know she is struggling and I want to be there for her but she won’t talk to me, not about that anyways”

“She loves you Alessia, anybody with a set of eyes can see that, and you know that she isn’t good about asking for help”

“She’s talking to Leah and Beth though. Why is she ok talking to them but not to me?” 

“She isn’t talk to them, she is talking with Viv or at least that is what i’m guessing. Viv is the person Y/N goes to when she doesn’t know what she is feeling. Once she figures that out then she will come to you”

Lotte saw you do the exact same thing when you lost the Champions League semi final. It took you a few days to come to terms with what happened and even then you still blamed yourself.

“I hope so Lotte because I can’t stand to see her hurting and knowing that I can’t do anything to help her”

Meanwhile you were in your therapy session with Viv in one of the quiet areas, or at least that is what it felt like. The Dutch woman was patient with you and listened when you needed to talk. She didn’t ask questions unless you asked her one. 

“I failed everyone Viv. First England and now Arsenal. That hurts enough but to know that I have failed the person I love most in the world, that is not something I can handle. I feel like I’m on the verge of breaking and she shouldn’t have to deal with that”

“Have you stopped to think maybe she wants to? I know you struggle with these kind of things but this is the first time you are going though it whilst having a girlfriend. You need to stop seeing her as a team mate because she is so much more than that now”

You hated how right Viv was. You have opened up to Alessia before and she didn’t love you any less when you showed your vulnerable side.

Your girlfriend had accepted that you would come to her when you were ready and now she just wanted to be with you. Only problem is that she couldn’t find you. She had asked every player and staff member yet none of them could give her the answer she was looking for. Then she saw Viv leave one of the physio rooms and between the crack of the door and the door frame she saw you. 

For the first time in a long while you looked into her eyes and let her see the pain behind yours. You watch as she hesitated on the other side of the threshold. 

“Come here” 

Alessia all but ran you to you. Whilst you stayed seated on the physio table, she took a stand between your legs. With her arms wrapped around your neck, her fingers begin playing with the baby hairs at the nape of your neck. 

“I’m struggling Lessi. I felt like a failure after Australia and I thought I would be able to redeem myself this season at Arsenal but I’ve failed again” 

“Thank you for telling me” 

When she leans down you don’t pull away. You feel your shoulder relax as her lips touch yours. 

“You’re not a failure. You lead the lionesses to their first World Cup final and I think that is an amazing achievement” 

How could you believe her? She was your girlfriend, never would she admit you let her down. 

“I failed you. I wanted to win for so many reasons but you were one of my biggest motivations, you always are. I wanted to win so that I could see the smile on your face as you lift the trophy like you did at the euros. Instead I watched you cry”

“You know one of the things that annoys me the most about you?” Alessia asks and you feel your stomach drop “you are one of the biggest hypocrites I know” 

“I am not” you defend yourself and rightly so. 

“You are when it comes to football. It’s both a good thing and a bad thing. You always say how we are a team, win or lose we do it as a team. After we played Australia in Brentford, Leah blamed herself. You told her that a loss is not one persons fault” 

“It’s not” 

“Baby, do you hear yourself?” 

You did hear yourself and you realise what your girlfriend was insinuating. 

“I just wanted to do good” 

“You did. You did so good. Right now though we have to process what happened and move on” Alessia knew that you would talk about your failures all night and maybe that’s what you needed. She also knew that you needed to find closure before it destroyed you. 

“And how do we do that?”

“Together” you laugh at her cheesiness “I mean it. I knew I’d learn things at Arsenal but I didn’t think the first one would be that my girlfriend doesn’t come to me when she’s hurting” 

“I’m sorry. It’s hard for me to open up to people. I don’t like people seeing me weak, definetley not you” 

At first thought that hurt Alessia and she is about to tell you that much but you cut her off. 

“I am going to try though. I don’t want to shut you out anymore. For the last couple of days I’ve missed being with you and I don’t want to feel that again. I can’t promise that I will tell you everything, not right now, but I will let you in Less” 

This seemed to be enough for your girlfriend because she pulls you up so she can give you a proper hug. 

“I’m here and you won’t push me away again. I won’t let you” Alessia’s voice was adamant and you never argue with the blonde when she used that tone. 

“I love you Alessia. Do you think we could go away somewhere just the two of us? We have a couple of days off when we get home and I need some time away from football. I’m in desperate needs of some quality Alessia Russo time” 

“You know what? Now that I think of it, I am long over due some one on one time with you. How about we go get some food then you can come my room, the room you will be moving into, and we can look at some places?” 

You agree with the forward and take her hand as you leave the room. When the two of you walk through the campus restaurant everyone notices the closeness between you and how your hands are intertwined. They also saw a smile of both of your faces, a smile that they were yet to see in Germany. 

[alltheirdamn]

Killing Me Softly | (Joel x teacher!f!reader)

Chap. 3: Violent Delights

Chp. 3 Summary: Every ounce of your resolve fades away as Joel finds his way past your walls. Rating: 18+ MDNI Word Count: 8.5k Warnings: pre-outbreak AU, language, mutual pining, slow burn, angst, banter, sexual tension, heavy kissing, cliff hanger (sorrrrryyyyy) A/N: This one may or may not kill you guys... sorry in advance & please don't hate me. I'll make it up to you <3

Masterlist | Ko-Fi

As Boston came into view from the window of the plane, your anxiety began to skyrocket. Exam week flew by, and now it was finally fall break. You had spent half a day scrambling around the house trying to pack while planning when to call a taxi so that you wouldn’t miss your flight. Putting the stress aside, you had made it in time and found yourself trying to ease your mind with a stupid romance book on the flight. You weren’t huge on reading romance, but it was mindless and passed the time as you soared over the states. 

Joel never reached out after he sent himself your number. You didn’t reach out either, which took a lot of self-restraint. You commended him for having just as much restraint because you were sure he’d cave and call you at some point. But the silence was blaring loud, and maybe he only wanted your number ‘just in case.’ You wouldn’t get your hopes up anymore.

You were coming down the escalator when your mom and two sisters came into view. Stella, your youngest sister, was the first to run and wrap you up in a big hug. Her black hair was chopped shorter than before, and she had a bright smile plastered on her face.

“Sis!” She squealed, squeezing your shoulders.

“Hi, Stell,” you laughed, hugging her tight.

“Look who’s home at last,” Beth said, her arms crossed over her chest as she watched Stella swing you back and forth.

Beth was younger than you by two years, while Stella was newly eighteen and still full of life. You and Beth hadn’t been very close since you left Boston, the bitterness of your absence still lingering between you both. 

“Hey, Beth,” you sighed, opening your arms to invite her into a hug.

She was hesitant at first but finally caved and hugged you back. It was brief, but you’d settle for it. Your mom was the next in line to hug you, her voice shaky as she welcomed you home.

“Don’t cry, Mom,” you laughed, pulling away.

“I’m just happy you’re finally home. We missed you a lot.”

She took your luggage and guided you through the airport down to the parking garage. Stella lingered close, wanting to hear about your life in Austin and how teaching was going. Beth, on the other hand, hung back and kept quiet. You knew things would implode at some point during the week, but until then, you’d just have to acknowledge the ticking time bomb in the background.

“Where’s dad?” You asked your mom, climbing into the front seat.

“He’s home grilling up some steaks for dinner. He hasn’t stopped talking about you coming home since you booked the flight. He’s missed you the most,” she sighed.

“I missed him too,” you muttered.

It wasn’t lost on you that leaving had caused a gaping hole in your relationship with your entire family. Even if they weren’t the biggest fans of Bennett, they continued to support you through your decisions to move with him and uproot your life. After he left, they begged you to come home, but you knew staying in Austin was what felt right. You had a job and a home; leaving was admitting defeat. You wouldn’t let him strip away the life you had made; you wouldn’t let yourself be a failure. 

The city blurred by as you neared your childhood home. You kept your eyes closed when you passed down the roads Bennett had once driven you, hoping you could force the memories away. But they still lingered. The past always seemed to linger. Stella and Beth chatted quietly in the backseat, leaving you in silence as the house appeared. Nothing had changed: the white brick chipping around the edges, the hedges in the front yard overgrown and unruly. You expected to feel at home, seeing the house again, but it didn’t feel like it once had. 

As you unpacked the trunk and hauled your luggage inside, you heard your dad’s voice floating from the back deck.

“Is that my girl?” He called out, walking through the sliding doors with his grilling tools in hand. 

“It is,” you smiled, dropping your things at the door.

“Hey there, peanut,” he greeted, awkwardly hugging you as his hands were full.

“Hey, Dad,” you whispered.

“Missed you, kid. How was the flight?” 

You trailed him out onto the deck, the smell of smoke mixing with the autumn breeze as it passed through the trees lining the backyard. You had missed seeing the seasons change, the yellowing of the leaves, and the crisp air that seemed to linger throughout the day. Nothing would beat the East Coast in the fall, even if you liked living in Texas now.

“The flight wasn’t bad,” you shrugged, sinking into a lawn chair as you watched him flip the steaks. “I don’t know why four hours in the air felt so long.”

“You know, you could avoid it if you moved back home,” he suggested.

“I like living in Austin,” you argued. “I have a good job, and I’m happy there.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t happy. All I’m saying is that you can always come home.”

You remember him saying the exact same thing after the wedding ceremony went to shit. Two days after the incident, your dad was consoling you on the couch, holding you as you cried and urging you to come home. You can always come home, peanut. 

“I know I can, Dad. Can we please just drop it?”

Your dad chuckled and made a pact with you not to repeat it. You only hoped your mom and sisters would do the same.

Dinner passed under a heavy silence. No one knew how to speak to you without possibly mentioning Bennett… or ‘the incident’ as they liked to refer to it. You awkwardly made small talk between your parents and Stella while Beth sat and pushed her food around. You stole glances at her ever so often, trying to form a plan when you could talk to her. Out of everyone in the family, your absence hurt her the most. She had been the most vocal about your issues with Bennett, which was to your detriment since you had confided in her the most. She gave the harsh truths and tough love, going so far as to try and talk you out of the engagement. In your love-struck haze, you hadn’t listened to her and found yourself defending Bennett—defending your emotions. You wished you had listened to her. 

“So,” your mom started. “Any new love interests?”

You gave her a pointed stare, stabbing the steak on your plate. This was the last thing you wanted: explaining yourself to them. 

“No, Mom. There’s no one to speak of,” you huffed.

“C’mon mom,” Beth laughed, chiming in. “You know she’s still wallowing away in that big house all alone.”

“Beth,” your dad warned. At the same time, Stella whispered, “Beth, don’t.”

“No, it’s okay.” You smiled through your teeth, glaring at Beth, who sat back in her seat with a smug expression.

“You did this to yourself, you know?” Beth said, cocking an eyebrow.

“Did what?” You questioned.

“We all warned you about Bennett. You knew he was no good, yet you stayed. And look! He left you.”

Her words cut deep, deeper than you wanted to admit. You kept your expression stony, not feeding into her words.

“Beth, you need to stop right now,” your mom nearly growled. “You’re out of line.”

“Let her talk, Mom,” you said. “She needs to get it out.”

“Oh, I need to get it out?” Beth snapped. “You’re the one fucking sulking about Austin, pulling this whole ‘woe is me’ bullshit. The signs were all there! Get over yourself. It’s been two years, sis. Move on.”

“Just because we don’t talk doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on,” you exhaled. “I’m still healing from it all, and I’m sorry I’m not including you in that. I didn’t know you needed access to every part of my life.”

Beth slapped her hands on the table, rising to her feet to stare down at you over the plates of food. You shrunk back, trying to keep the tears at bay. She was going in for the final blow. 

“You came to me for advice, and I gave it. You went ahead with the engagement and still ended up alone. He was never going to marry you. You’re a fucking mouse too afraid to defend yourself, and he knew you wouldn’t fight for him back. He’s probably glad he didn’t marry someone as stupid as you. You can’t see the warning signs even when they’re flashing in your face!”

That was it. That was the breaking point. 

You tossed your napkin onto your plate and removed yourself from the table. You drowned out your parents' voices and Stella’s yelling for you to come back as you ran towards the door. 

“Run!” Beth called from behind you. “Run like Bennett did!”

You barely made it out the front door before crumpling to the ground with tears streaming down your face. Staying with Bennett didn’t just hurt you; it hurt everyone. They wanted the best for you, and you didn’t see that until it was too late. Your relationship with Beth had been shattered because you had thrown all the blame on her. You blamed her for every traitorous thought you had about Bennett; you wanted to blame her for your doubts and unhappiness. But it wasn’t her. It was you. Everything was your fault—it always was.

Stella’s small voice saying your name roused you from your crying as she joined you on the porch. Wrapping her arms around your shoulders, she leaned into you and let you cry out every bottled-up emotion. 

“I’m sorry, Stell,” you sobbed. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you guys. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I never came home.”

“Shhh,” she hushed. “No one is mad at you for staying in Austin. We understand why you stayed. Beth is just hurt. You shut everyone out, but you shut her out the most. She just misses you.”

“All I do is fuck everything up,” you muttered. 

“No, stop that,” she argued, rubbing a hand over your back. “None of what happened is your fault. You deserved love, and he wasn’t the right one. You’ll find it again.”

“I stayed for too long. I should have left him long before the wedding. I was just hoping it would fix everything.”

“How were you to know?” She sighed. “Just because he was shitty doesn’t mean you can’t be sad. What he did was totally fucked up, and you didn’t deserve that.”

“Tell Beth that,” you laughed through a hiccup. “She thinks I deserved it.”

“She’s hurt. She doesn’t mean those things.”

“But she’s not wrong.”

Stella sighed, pulling away from you to level you with a sympathetic look. 

“I think you guys need to talk it out. Maybe not right now, but when you’re ready,” she offered.

“You’re the young one,” you groaned. “You shouldn’t be consoling your older sister like this.”

“Hey, someone’s gotta be nice to you,” she smiled, quietly laughing.

“Thank you,” you whimpered.

You fell back into her arms and stared aimlessly at the trees blowing in the wind. After a few quiet moments, you finally pulled yourself together and shuffled out of her arms. Stella watched you wearily as you stood, brushing the dirt from your pants.

“I think I’m gonna go for a walk to clear my head,” you announced. “Tell Mom and Dad I'll come back in a few.”

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“I’ll be okay, Stell. I promise. Thank you again,” you sighed, kissing her head.

Dusk fell over the neighborhood as you wandered between the trees and houses. A few neighbors walked their dogs while their kids ran through the streets playing ball or riding their bikes. You never wanted to be out and interacting at home, but you didn’t mind it here. There was no risk. No one would stop you and inquire about your life like they would at home.

As you rounded down the next street, your phone started ringing in your back pocket. You whipped it out and saw the one name you had been waiting for the last week: Joel. Part of you didn’t want to answer; you weren’t in the right headspace. But you had waited to hear from him, and honestly, he was probably the only person to sway your mood for the better. Sucking in a breath, you answered.

“Hello?” You said, hoping your voice didn’t betray you.

“I got a bone to pick with you,” Joel huffed, clearly joking.

But after the events of dinner, his words felt like another punch to the gut.

“Why?” You asked nervously, pulling the phone away to sniffle back more tears.

“I finished Romeo and Juliet, and I—. Wait, are you alright? Why does it sound like you’ve been cryin’?”

You let out a sad laugh; of course, he’d see right through you. He always managed to do that.

“Because I have been,” you sighed. There was no point in lying to him when you knew he’d continue bugging you. 

“What happened? Are you alright? Do y’need me to come get you from somewhere?” God, he sounded so sweet when he was worried.

“I’m fine, Mr. Miller. I’m not even in Austin right now, so you’re off the hook on that offer.”

“Where are you?” He pressed.

“Boston. I’m visiting family over the break,” you explained.

“You from there?” 

“I am.”

“I didn’t take you as an East Coast type of girl, but it makes sense with how stubborn y’are,” he chuckled.

“Yep. That’s me.”

“Alright, I ain’t gonna let you get off the hook this easily. What’s goin’ on?”

You rounded back down another street, holding your phone tighter against your ear, hoping you’d catch every breath in the receiver. Hearing Joel’s voice was enough to soothe your heart after a terrible night.

“Really,” you insisted. “We don’t need to talk about it.”

“I reckon we do. I bet you’ll feel better after.”

“I reckon I won’t,” you mimicked his accent.

Joel let out a low chuckle, clearly amused by your response. It garnered a smile from you as you pictured his lips turned up on the corners, the bottom lip pushed out and pouty like they always were.

“My family isn’t happy with me for staying in Austin. They think I should have moved home a couple of years ago,” you explained. “I’ll spare you the bad parts, but I should have come home. It would’ve made it easier on everyone.”

“But would it’ve made it easier on you?” He asked.

You stopped walking and pinched the bridge of your nose to hold back the coming tears. Of course, he saw it from the latter. He wasn’t siding with your parents, but he didn’t know what you had done and endured to deserve their bitterness.

“Probably, but it doesn’t matter. Listen, you don’t have to worry about me. We can talk poetry instead,” you offered.

“If that’s what y’want, and for the record, I’m gonna worry about you.” You could hear his smile through the phone.

“You don’t need to, Mr. Miller.”

“Joel,” he sighed. “Y’know, you can say my name.”

“I know, it’s just—.”

“All formalities,” he finished. “I just wish you’d quit that because I think we’re far past it by now.”

“I’m trying to maintain some semblance of professionalism,” you laughed. 

Your house was slowly coming into view again, and you felt the nerves creep back in. Eventually, you’d have to face them again, but right now, all you wanted to hear was Joel’s thick accent and husky voice. 

“What’s so wrong about bein’ unprofessional?” He joked.

“A lot, Mr. Miller,” you sighed. 

There was a brief pause on his end, and you bit your lip, wondering if he understood the meaning behind your words. You'd be completely vulnerable to him when you crossed the threshold between professional and unprofessional. Your restraint would melt away, and he’d win. 

“Should I be callin’ you Miss Smith again?” He sounded serious. “I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable and all that.”

“No,” you said all too quickly. “Call me by my name. I—I like it.”

You fucking idiot. 

Joel spoke your name in a lower voice, sending a shiver down your spine. Your steps back to the house slowed as you tried to control a strange urge rushing through your body. Was he teasing you? Was he actually doing that? You had to reel back in all the unprofessional thoughts swarming your head… especially the ones wondering how your name would sound when he was inside—. Stop that. 

“What’re you doing?” You exhaled. 

“Sayin’ your name,” he countered. “Y’said you liked it.”

“Yeah, I do.” You were beyond flustered and hot. “You’re—never mind. I should probably get inside and make peace with my family. Don’t think I forgot about Romeo and Juliet; I still want to hear your thoughts.”

“Call me tonight before you sleep,” Joel said. Oh, Christ. “I ain’t gonna remember the story if I wait any longer.”

“We could’ve talked about it earlier,” you chuckled. “You got sidetracked asking about me.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

You were at the edge of the front yard now, staring blankly at the porch light flickering against the nightfall blanketing the house. You couldn’t stay outside forever or on the phone with him forever—no matter how much you wanted to. 

“I need to get back to my family,” you sidestepped. “I’ll call tonight, okay?”

“Promise?”

You smiled to yourself, gripping the phone tighter in your hand. Damn this man, and damn his charm.

“I promise, Mr. Miller. Goodbye.”

“Bye,” he whispered, your name falling off his tongue one last time.

You were so screwed. Completely and utterly screwed. 

The house was quiet when you walked through the front door. Your mom and dad were lounging in the living room, flipping through channels, and Stella sat at the dining room table, working on her homework. Beth was nowhere to be found, which you figured would happen. Your mom glanced up from the couch with the same sympathetic expression Stella had given you earlier, and quite honestly, you were sick of it. You were sick of being pitied. You were sick of people being sad for you all the time. Yes, you were sad—all the time—but you wanted to be alone in your healing. You didn’t want to feel worse about it all from the people meant to support you. And you knew deep down they did support you, but it didn’t always feel that way. 

You needed to talk to Beth, or this entire week would be hell. 

“Is she up in her room?” You asked your mom.

She gave you a slow nod and then returned to watching the TV. She didn’t have to say anything; she knew why you asked.

Upstairs, your house was divided by two hallways. The left hallway had your parents and Stella’s room, and down the right was yours and Beth’s. You had spent so many nights with her tucked in the bed with you, staying up late talking about anything under the sun and always being each other's best friend. But that all disappeared when she realized how terrible Bennett was. Leaving Boston broke her heart, and in turn, Bennett broke yours and destroyed everything left between you and your family. 

After a sharp inhale and one final wipe of your eyes, you knocked on her door, hoping she’d let you in. The silence behind the door cemented the fact she knew it was you, yet the door opened and revealed Beth just as disheveled as you were. Her long brown hair was tossed up into a bun, and the makeup she had worn earlier was gone, a redness rimming her eyes in its place. You wanted to wrap your arms around her to apologize for everything, but Beth wasn’t that person. She didn’t want affection. She wanted words. 

“Can I come in?” You asked.

She nodded slowly, cracking the door open wider to let you step into her room. It was just as you remembered it: the fluffy white bed in the corner, the scattered polaroids on the wall, and the full-length mirror propped in the corner that you had gotten ready in front of before. Beth sat on the corner of her bed, her head hung as you joined her.

“I’m sorry,” she started. “I was a real bitch at dinner.”

You leaned into her, resting your head on her shoulder.

“You kinda were,” you chuckled. “But I understand. I shut you out. I shut everyone out, honestly. It’s easier to be alone.”

“No, it’s not,” she argued.

“Maybe, but it’s what I thought was best for me. You were right about Bennett, and I didn’t listen to you when I should have.”

“You may be older, but you are so stupid.”

You laughed harder at that, feeling her hand reach around and grip yours. You squeezed her fingers, your chest rising and falling normally. You missed this Beth, the one that could make light of the worst. 

“You know I couldn’t have come home, right? I made a life out in Austin, even without Bennett. I even went to his law firm and asked where he had gone, and all they said was that he took a job out of state. I was so scared he came back here, and if I came back to Boston, I’d see him again.”

“Why are you so afraid of him?” She asked.

“Because he broke my heart worse than I could have ever imagined. I don’t know what I’d do if I saw him again, Beth. I’d be terrified.”

Beth glanced down at you, shrugging you off her shoulder so you could meet her eyes. Tears swam in her blue eyes, rolling over onto her cheeks.

“You’re stronger than that. You always have been.”

“I don’t feel like it sometimes.”

She sighed, brushing away tears you hadn’t realized escaped your eyes. 

“Don’t let some shit guy ruin your life. You deserve to be happy, sis. There’s going to be someone so much greater out there.”

Flashes of Joel’s dark eyes and curly hair swam into your mind when she said those words. You didn’t want to believe Joel would be that person, but even your mind betrayed you. You willed it away, hoping you’d keep any thought of him lingering in the back of your head.

“I know,” you said. “Eventually, there will be.”

“There’s already someone, isn’t there?” She quirked an eyebrow.

You wanted to deny it and lie, but you wanted your friendship back. So, you told her everything, starting at the father-daughter dance and leading up to the phone call that had just ended. Beth had a massive grin while you spoke, nodding with every detail you shared.

“So… you’re gonna give him a chance, right?” She questioned.

“I can’t. He’s my students’ dad, and I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Then sneak around,” she pressed. “Here’s this amazing guy who’s obviously into you, and you’re gonna let that slip away because of what’s right and wrong?”

“What would you do?” You exhaled, falling back against her bed. You stared at the ceiling fan, watching it twirl in circles, hoping an answer would be hidden in its blades.

“I’d have amazing sex with him,” Beth chuckled, laying back beside you. “And then maybe fall in love, I don’t know. But sex for sure.”

“You’re terrible,” you giggled. 

Beth laughed along with you, shuffling her body closer so both of you were shoulder to shoulder. Coming home would feel like this again, but coming home would mean losing everything all over again. You’d lose your job and the house you loved so much… and you’d lose Joel. For some reason, the idea of not seeing him around made your heart ache in ways you hadn’t felt in a long time. Maybe Beth was right; maybe you’d give Joel a chance.

It was well into the night when you finally found yourself unwinding in bed and curling under the covers. You held your phone close to your chest, wondering if it was too late to call. In Boston, it was nearly midnight. Austin was only an hour behind, but you knew Joel worked early with his company. You didn’t want to assume he’d be asleep already, but the chances were slim he was awake and waiting for you. 

You dialed his number anyway.

It barely reached the second ring before he answered, your name as sweet as ever rolling through the receiver.

“I didn’t think you’d call,” he said. “Figured you forgot all about me.”

“Never,” you whispered, trying to keep your voice down. Everyone was asleep in the house, and the last thing you wanted was for them to hear you talking on the phone late at night like you were a teenager all over again.

“Y’figure everythin’ out with your family?” He asked.

“Yeah, it’s all good now.”

“Why’re you whisperin’?” He chuckled.

“Because everyone is asleep,” you tossed back.

“Sneakin’ around late then, huh?”

“Don’t tease me, Mr. Miller.”

“I’ll tease all I want,” he countered.

You blew out a breath, rolling over in the bed. With your knees curled up to your chest, you listened to Joel’s soft breathing and wondered if he was in bed, too. You wondered what he looked like, stretched out against the mattress, and if his body was as warm as his smile.

“Are you going to tell me about Romeo and Juliet? Or are you just going to sidetrack us again?” You asked softly.

Joel let out a heavy sigh, and you could hear rustling behind him. He was in bed, and for some reason, that enticed you. 

“You coulda warned me that they both die,” he started. “If it weren’t for Paris, they coulda had a happy ending!”

“The whole point of the story is to have a tragic ending. Shakespeare warned everyone in the foreshadowing, with Montague saying, ‘These violent delights have violent ends.’ It’s supposed to be a story about the chaos of passion.”

“Still ain’t makin’ up for the fact they never got to be together,” Joel grumbled.

“Not every story is a happy ending,” you exhaled, wincing at the words you spoke. You didn’t die because of Bennett, but the story hit too close to home. Between the chaos of family and the violent ends of your relationship, you had nearly become Juliet, killing herself over a man. Not literally, but the pain after the wedding was a death within itself. 

“Why d’you like it so much?” Joel asked.

“Wasn’t that your job to find out?”

“I’m not gonna lay here and make assumptions ‘bout you, but I get the feelin’ you’re a lot like Juliet.”

“Maybe,” you muttered quietly. 

“Who’s Romeo then?”

He didn’t sound angry, but you knew he only asked because he wanted to understand you better. And fuck, if that wasn’t a turn-on in itself.

“He’s the one that left me at the altar.”

There was a heavy silence from his end of the phone. You wanted to take the words back and shove them deep within you where the world couldn’t hear them. No matter how many times you said it aloud, it never felt easier. But it was the unfortunate truth; your love story had a tragic ending.

“Jesus fuck, I’m so sorry,” Joel exhaled.

“Don’t be. I’m okay.”

“Whoever did that didn’t deserve you. Perfect girl like you ain’t deserve someone that shitty.”

Perfect girl.

You had to clench your thighs together at the way his voice roughened when he said those two words. You wanted to play them on a loop over and over until you were mindless. Bennett never called you perfect—beautiful, maybe, but never perfect. He knew you for five years and never said it; Joel knew you for a month and not only said it…but believed it.

“I stayed with him a lot longer than I should have.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Joel offered, his voice gentler than a moment ago.

“Not right now,” you whispered. “I’ll make you a deal.”

“I’m listenin’.”

You were playing with fire now, and maybe it was the vulnerability of the day catching up to you, but Beth’s words were stuck in your head. There’s going to be someone so much greater out there. 

“Ask me anything you want over dinner.”

Silence. Dead silence. 

You held your breath, waiting for a response, waiting for anything. You could handle rejection, or at least you hoped you could. You hadn’t put yourself out there since Bennett left, and the idea of being unlovable was hard to wrap your head around. Did he ruin you to the point of no return? Was there any hope left?

“I’m not gonna take y’out to dinner and talk about your ex-fiancé,” Joel grumbled. 

“Oh, okay, yeah. I understand.”

The tears were welling in your eyes now, threatening your composure. He didn’t want to take you out anymore; that was fine. Who would want to deal with the broken pieces left in the wake of your past?

“If I’m gonna take you out, it’s gonna be a proper date where I get to know you,” Joel lowered his voice, the sound echoing through your head.

“A date?” You laughed nervously.

“Yes.” He said your name in a stern tone that stalled your breathing. “Quit bein’ all professional, and let me take you somewhere nice so I can really get to know you. That’s all I been wantin’ to do.”

“I’ll make you another deal,” you offered.

“God, you and your damn deals. Alright, let’s hear it,” he chuckled.

“When I’m back, ask me on a proper date.”

“Haven’t I already done that? The offer still stands, y’know.”

“I wasn’t ready to say yes when you asked. I think I’m ready now.”

“Bout damn time,” he laughed. “I swear I’m a patient man, but I’ve been goin’ out my damn mind waitin’ for you.”

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled. That was always the default response these days.

“You’re worth waitin’ for, I promise.”

You were at a complete and total loss for words. How did Joel always say everything you had always wanted to hear? You tried not to compare him to Bennett, but this was far beyond anything you had received in the past. It was foreign but so sweet. You allowed yourself to take the plunge; now, every risk was heightened. If the heartbreak Bennett had caused was this bad, you hoped never to find out what losing Joel would feel like. 

“Y’still there?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m still here,” you whispered. You didn’t realize how long your thoughts had silenced you. “I’m looking forward to you asking me.”

“And I’m lookin’ forward to askin’…again.”

You smiled to yourself and shoved your head further under the covers. You could hear Joel yawning on the other end of the phone, and you realized just how late it was. You could listen to him talk until you fell asleep, but you wouldn’t keep him any longer.

“Go and get some sleep, Mr. Miller.”

“Y’sayin’ I’m old?” He grumbled.

“I’m saying I can hear you yawning over there,” you quipped.

“Alright, alright. Maybe we should both be gettin’ sleep. Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Goodnight,” he whispered.

“Goodnight, Mr. Miller.”

The rest of the week went smoother than you had imagined. After the conversation with Beth, you both fell back into the familiar routine of being close. You’d catch her sliding you small smiles while you were out around the city, a deep concern crossing over her eyes, knowing how hard it was to relive the memories. Boston hadn’t changed, making it easier knowing you had made the right decision to leave. Stella introduced you to her new boyfriend, and your parents cooked a huge dinner to include him in a family evening together. And every night, you’d stay up late talking to Joel on the phone. 

He told you tiny snippets of his day and what had happened at work while you shared pieces of your day traveling around town with family. You noticed how he sidestepped or avoided asking deeper questions about you, and it was sweet knowing that he really wanted to wait for that date to ask those questions. Those late-night talks became something you looked forward to, even if they were filled with mundane things to chat about. 

Friday came quicker than you expected, and you were fidgeting to get on the plane home. Joel had asked the night before when you were landing and insisted on being the one to pick you up from the airport. You were struggling to continue saying ‘no’ to him, and frankly, you wanted him to be the first person you saw when you arrived. 

Austin’s skyline was dotted with lights as the plane touched down in the evening. Those few hours on the plane felt like an eternity, but as you scrambled down the tunnel into the airport, you felt a surge of excitement flowing through your body. Something had shifted over the week between you and Joel; that line between professional and unprofessional slowly disappeared. You were losing the battle inside you to keep your distance from him, and God made it so easy to do that. His charm kept you coming back for more, and the idea of what could happen between the two of you was terrifying, but the risk was beginning to look less dangerous. You felt comfortable, which was far from what you felt with Bennett. You always had to be the best version of yourself, the perfect image of a perfect girlfriend and fiancé. But you realized with Joel, you could let your control slip. He had seen and heard your vulnerability more times than you wanted to allow, yet he didn’t run away. 

He didn’t run away.

That thought slammed into you as you walked through the airport, knowing you weren’t walking towards an empty altar. You were walking towards a man willing to wait for you—for the first time. 

As you made it through the crowd of other travelers, you finally emerged into the lower level of the airport, your eyes darting around to find Joel. In the chaos of bodies walking around, his tall figure stood above the rest, a small bouquet of flowers in hand. Your steps slowed as you approached, your eyes shifting from the flowers to his welcoming smile. 

“What’s this?” you asked, your cheeks pink from running or seeing him; you weren’t sure.

“Figured it would be a nice way to welcome you home,” Joel smiled, handing them to you. 

The flowers were an array of colorful carnations, their orange and pink petals standing out against the green leaves surrounding them. You took them from him and watched as he replaced the flowers in his hand with your luggage, insisting on carrying them for you. He wore a multi-colored flannel, the material stretching over his back and shoulders as he lifted your bags. You stood back, mesmerized, as he led you toward the parking garage. 

“Thank you again,” you said. “I know you had a long work day, so thank you for driving out here.”

Joel looked over his shoulder and smiled at you. You noticed the scruff on his face was a bit grown out from the last time you saw him, but those bare patches still stood strong. There was a strange urge inside you to kiss them and feel the warmth of the skin underneath. 

“It’s no trouble at all,” he said. 

His truck was parked far back in the parking lot, which made the walk together longer than you expected. The smell of the flowers enveloped you as you held them close to your chest. You could only count a handful of times Bennett had gotten you flowers and could count even fewer times he actually picked you up from the airport. Any time you went home to visit family, which was far and few, he used the excuse of work to avoid being there for you. 

Joel lifted your luggage into the backseat of his truck, turning to you once he shut the door. He spoke your name softly, staring down at you as you gave him a curious look. 

“Well, since you’re home now, I’m just gonna ask it,” he started. “Would you go out to dinner with me?”

“I’d love that,” you smiled, a blush crawling up your neck. 

“Good,” he nodded. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“Wait, you mean right now?”

Joel leaned closer to you, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. 

“I told you I’m a patient man, but I ain’t waitin’ any longer. So get your stubborn ass in my truck, and let me take you out.”

“You’re relentless, Mr. Miller,” you rolled your eyes. 

Joel opened the passenger door for you, waiting patiently as you climbed in and buckled yourself. 

“I’m gonna make sure you stop callin’ me that by the end of the night,” he said, his eyes trained on you. 

Your breath stalled, and you wondered about the meaning behind his words. Joel probably didn’t mean it sexually, but that’s exactly where your brain went. This was only a date, nothing more, nothing less. You were already giving into him with this; you wouldn’t give in any more than that—no matter how badly you might want to. 

“We’ll see, Mr. Miller,” you smirked.

Joel’s brown eyes darkened at your challenge, and you hoped he didn’t notice how your thighs clenched to quell the warmth pooling inside your stomach. You were staying strong on this one; saying his name meant giving up control entirely. If you gave up the control, you’d give up everything, and you weren’t sure if you could do that to yourself—not yet, at least.

You made small talk with Joel on the drive to his chosen restaurant. It was a casual steakhouse, but you were obviously underdressed from being on a plane for nearly four hours. Joel wasn’t much better either; his attire always seemed too casual and messy. Oddly enough, it was growing on you. You couldn’t imagine him wearing suits or dress-casual attire; it didn’t suit his persona. He was rugged through and through, and you liked that. You had judged him so early on, but the carefree way he carried himself amplified your attraction to him. Bennett always wore some bullshit suit and tie for work, looking overdressed and uncomfortable. Whenever he wasn’t working—which was rare—he still looked like a pretentious East Coast snob with his dress slacks and polo. God, the more you thought about it, the more it pissed you off. 

Once Joel and you were seated at a table and ordered, you found yourself squirming in your seat. Joel’s eyes were warm and unwavering in the restaurant's lighting as he focused on you. With his hands folded on the table, he kept his body pressed forward just to get closer to you. 

“So, I know y’told me you had sisters,” he started. “Beth and Stella, right?”

“Mhmm,” you nodded, sipping the red wine before you. You hadn’t planned on drinking, but your body demanded some sort of aid in numbing the nerves coursing through your veins. “Stella is the youngest. She’s eighteen. She graduated high school this year and started attending Boston College in September. Beth is two years younger than me and works in graphic design for a company in downtown Boston.”

“If Beth is two years younger, that makes you…”

“I’m twenty-seven, Mr. Miller,” you chuckled. 

Joel’s eyes widened a bit, most likely as he realized the age gap between you both. Clearly, he had to have noticed by now, but his reaction was still comical. You nervously bit your lip, wondering if the distance between your age would make him less interested. It’s only a date, you reminded yourself. He wasn’t interested in you that much. 

“Shesh,” he whistled, leaning back into his chair. “I ain’t take you to be that young.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” you muttered. 

He shook his head, reaching for his beer, and you watched him take a long sip before responding. 

“No, it’s not like that,” he reassured. “Y’just surprise me, that’s all.”

“How so?” You asked, leaning forward. 

“Y’act so mature sometimes,” he explained. “You’re big on actin’ professional and adult-like.”

“It’s my job,” you said.

“Bein’ a teacher shouldn’t stop you from enjoyin’ your twenties,” he countered. 

You sighed, nodding along to his words. A lot of things had stopped you from enjoying your twenties, like a particular asshole you thought you’d spend your life with. Being young and careless was never something in the cards for you, and honestly, the closest thing you had gotten to that was the night Joel saw you at the bar. 

“Do you feel like being a young dad did the same for you?” You asked. 

Joel inhaled sharply, scratching the back of his neck. You began to realize he did that a lot; in nervous moments, in moments he was deep in thought, in moments he felt awkward. Right now, you assumed it was because he was trying to formulate some sort of response. 

“I ain’t really had a choice in it. When Sarah’s mom left, I was pretty lost tryna do the ‘dad’ thing. I had to juggle between work and bein’ present, and Tommy was young then, too, so he couldn’t help much. I just tried my best and learned as I went.”

“How old is Tommy?”

“Younger than you,” Joel laughed. “He’s twenty-five.”

“Oh gosh, you guys have a big age gap, too.”

“That we do.”

The waiter brought your meals, forcing the chit-chat to stall while you indulged in the steak and side dishes in silence. Occasionally, Joel would hum as he ate, glancing up at you to see your reaction to the flavors as well. You returned his curious eyes with soft smiles, indulging in how he looked at you like you were something he hungered for far more than the food in front of him. When the plates cleared and your napkins were disposed of, Joel asked the waiter for another round of drinks so that you both had no option but to remain seated in each other's company. 

“What made you want to be a teacher?” He asked, smoothing down the flannel over his stomach.

Your eyes caught onto the movement of his hand as it brushed down his navel, the veins flexing as he readjusted himself in his chair. Joel dipped his head slightly to draw your attention back to his soft eyes, and you instantly felt caught in your actions. 

“I’m not sure, honestly. I’ve always loved literature, and the idea of teaching young kids about it just seemed appealing. There’s a lot of power in words, you know? I want to show them that.”

“That’s pretty poetic of you to say,” he smirked. 

“Well, I hope so. I literally teach poetry for a living.”

Joel chuckled quietly, the lines around his eyes crinkling as his smile stretched across his face. Was it terrible that you were picturing him kissing you? Despite every thought in your head that shouted at you not to think about it, it was all you could focus on. 

“Do you enjoy your job?” You countered. 

“I do, most days. Tommy and I are tryna start up our own business one day, but it ain’t in the cards yet. I need to save up a bit more and hopefully work on gettin’ permits and all that before I can actually do it,” he explained. 

“I believe in you,” you said softly. “You’re a hard worker, Mr. Miller.”

“Well, thank you.” His cheeks reddened at your words. 

Both of you sat in comfortable silence for a moment, stealing shy glances and laughing at the emptiness of words. Joel had said he wanted to get to know you more, but the questions seemed far and few. In your mind, you considered that a second date could be in the cards, seeing as though neither of you had yet tired of the other. Even in the quiet moments, Joel had remained completely enraptured by you, never letting his eyes stray too far from yours. 

“Y’ready to get home?” He asked once the bill was paid for.

“I suppose so,” you shrugged. 

Joel’s hand was firm on your lower back as he guided you out of the restaurant and back to his truck. The featherlike touch against your clothed skin was enough to awaken that warmth back into your body, the feeling of it blooming inside you with each step. Inside the truck, you watched as the streets blurred past as Joel drove toward your home. The night was ending, yet you still ached at the thought of him leaving. You didn’t dare to take anything further, and you still didn’t know if that was something he wanted—or if it was something you wanted. 

Seeing your tiny home was a breath of fresh air as Joel put his truck in park. You gathered the flowers from the seat and quietly helped him unload your luggage. The tension between you thickened with each step as you approached the front door. Turning to him, you smiled and squeezed his arm.

“Thank you,” you said, hesitating by the door. “For tonight and everything.”

Joel’s eyes sparkled under your porch light, the darkness of his irises illuminated and dancing in the shadows. He had shrugged off his flannel after hauling your luggage from the truck, and now it hung over his arms, exposing the corded veins running from his hands to his biceps.

“Of course,” he said your name softly. “Y’look beautiful tonight, by the way. I can’t remember if I told you that or not, but really, you’re beautiful.”

Your cheeks warmed at the compliment, and there was no way of hiding the redness creeping over your face and neck. He watched you with a hungry gaze, his eyes roaming your body. Even if you only stood in a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, Joel looked at you like you were bare before him. 

“Thank you,” you smiled. “I—I know I look like shit, but thank you.

“Y’definitly don’t look like shit,” Joel insisted. “I’ll plan another date so y’can get all dolled up and look even more beautiful. 

“That’s not really necessary. I mean the dressing up part, not the date part. I’d like to go on another date.” You were rambling at this point.

“Sure it is. The world deserves to see y’look beautiful, even if I want to keep you to myself selfishly.”

“Stop it,” you blushed. “Go get home before it gets too late.”

“You tryna get rid of me that quick?”

“I know how much you enjoy talking,” you laughed.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” he grinned, turning to leave. “Y’have a good night, okay?”

“I will. Goodnight, Joel.”

Then you realized what you had said. 

He realized it, too. 

“Y—,” Joel cut himself off. Shaking his head, he let his flannel fall to the ground. “Fuck it,” he whispered.

Joel swarmed you, pressing you against the door as his hands came up to cup your face. Without a second to breathe, his lips crashed against yours until stars sparked behind your eyes. His mouth was warm as he devoured you slowly, drinking in every noise you made. Every one of your senses was evaded by him: the scent of his cologne drifting over your body, the heat of his skin against yours, the sound of his mouth breathing into yours. You found yourself hesitant at first, adjusting to the hardness of his body pressed against yours. He must have also realized it, his mouth slowing as he pulled away. 

“I—shit,” he muttered. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Your fingers crawled up his chest and gripped at the collar of his shirt, hauling him back to you until your mouth was a breath away from his. 

“Just shut up and kiss me again,” you whispered. 

Then his lips pressed against yours again, this time frantic and all-consuming. You opened your mouth to him, letting him taste the vulnerability spilling out of you, replacing it with desperation you hadn’t yet dared to feel. Your tongue darted out to brush over his bottom lip, and he captured it in another greedy kiss, intertwining himself with you. Joel’s hands moved to tangle in your hair, his fingers lightly pulling as he drew you in closer. Your hands wound their way around his neck; your chest flush against his until all you could feel was the rapid beating of his heart matching yours. There was no way of telling where he began and you ended; you both had melted into one. Lips, teeth, tongue… over and over again, the motion repeated, and you felt the warmth creeping up your spine the more he moved against you. You sunk your teeth into his lip, tugging it slightly, as you pulled away to gasp for air. 

“Joel,” you exhaled, panting softly. 

“Yeah, baby?” His voice was rough as he pressed his forehead to yours.

“What are we doing?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t wanna stop.”

He lowered his lips to kiss down your neck, the chill of his mouth on you prickling your skin. You couldn’t form any words to tell him to stop. You didn’t want him to stop. You were mindless and boneless in his strong grasp, completely untethered from your control. All you could focus on was the way his mouth roamed over the column of your neck, the veins that your blood rushed through throbbing under his lips. Joel’s hand traveled back around, his thumb tipping your jaw upwards so that he could kiss more of your skin. Your eyes blinked at the flickering bulb of your porch light, the sound of crickets chirping somewhere in the distance. His tongue traced a line up your neck, his teeth nipping against your jaw. You let out a soft whine as his mouth connected to yours again, the passion between you snapping into place. 

The night wasn’t ending here. You needed more. The craving was too intense to keep at bay, and you needed him in ways you had been too afraid to admit. Your fingers wound themselves into the curls at the base of his neck, holding him firm against you as you grinned into his open mouth. 

“Come inside,” you mumbled against his moving lips. 

You fumbled blindly for your keys, twisting around to unlock your door; all the while, Joel kept his lips on any part of your skin he could find. He reached around you to shove the door open, and with one arm wound around your waist, you both tumbled over the threshold.

[cultofdixon]

Little one had other plans

Rick Grimes • She/Her Pronouns • Timing is never perfect when it comes to babies coming into the world. Rick just wished the group wasn’t…homeless when his baby decided to make an entrance • ANGST/SFW • TW: Pregnancy & Birth / Anxiety / Unbearable pain

A/N: Really bare with me and TWD timeline

Requested by: Anon

“Rick?” Her voice brought the retired sheriff out of his slumber as he carefully sits up from their shared bed.

“Yes darling?” Rick smiles moving aside for Y/N to sit with him as she instantly locked their arms bringing her head to rest on his shoulder. “Are you feeling alright? Missed yea this morning”

“Uhm. I know we just…hitched and we didn’t talk about certain things especially given it’s the apocalypse and Lori but…”

“Y/N. Please just say it”

“I’m pregnant”

Rick’s silence only brewed the fear and anxiety within Y/N as she was about to pull away when he shifted so that he could pull her entire person into his embrace.

“Are you upset?” Y/N frowns holding onto her husband as he started to rub soothing circles on her back feeling her relax. “Rick—-“

“We’re just…so in love with each other that we couldn’t contain it all.” Rick whispers feeling her tighten around him as he did the same. “So we made another person out of that love” he held her as she sobbed in his embrace.

“We’re happy about this?”

“More than happy darling. We’re safe here. I can’t wait for this chapter with you” Rick smiles bringing his lips to her temple keeping her close as the two wouldn’t separate for a while longer.

~

But the luxury of the prison never lasted…

When Rick reunited with Daryl on the road, after dealing with the claimers…the archer brought it up. Brought up the thought that Y/N could be dead and being met with Rick’s silence was his answer meaning he didn’t want to even think about it.

“We’ll find’em.” Daryl states watching Rick turn to him slowly with a low expression before looking away. “She’s a fighter. May be the size of a planet currently but you know she ain’t leavin’ this earth without fighting to get back to you”

“Did yea just call my wife a planet?”

“Am I wrong?”

“Just shut up and let’s follow the train tracks once Michonne and Carl got some rest”

We will find them

And they do. Thankfully not in the mess of Terminus and Rick was extra thankful after hearing a few things about the cannibals that quickly met their end in the chapel later on.

The Grimes boys will forever be thankful to Tyreese with saving Judith and for both him and Carol finding Y/N moments after the two had found each other. Rick handed his daughter to his son quickly but gentle for Carl to get a good hold of her before he ran over to his partner bringing her in his embrace.

“Thank god you’re alive” Y/N sobbed out as she held onto Rick the best she could given the space they didn’t have. Rick pulled away from the embrace to kiss her firmly on the lips before bringing his gaze to her belly and placing his hands on it. “That’s also a bonus…”

“What? The baby kicking?” Rick asks while his gaze still focused on her bump.

“Yeah…Baby hasn’t kicked since the prison fell. Guess it missed its daddy” She breathed out a laugh listening to his follow in suit. He pressed his forehead against hers still staying in this moment as no one dared to interrupt.

The cannibals

The hospital

Beth…

Tyreese…

So many things could’ve been avoided and now the remaining group found themselves struggling with the fact that this could be the end if they don’t find anything. By anything the essentials for survival. Daryl did his best to hunt what he could find but nothing was turning up. The creek within the forest didn’t carry enough water like they hoped when they first planned to check. But Rosita boiled what they could draw up and insisted it be given to Y/N which the peanut gallery didn’t protest.

“Rick we need to prepare for the worse cause scenario” Carol pulled him aside as the group continued its tiresome walk to nowhere.

“What do you mean?”

“She could go into labor. She is that pregnant where it could just happen without any of us prepared. We need to at least somewhat be”

“Or what?”

Carol didn’t say another word and only gave her friend a stressful look littered with fear of losing Y/N to this pregnancy like they did with Lori’s. They wouldn’t know what to do if Y/N needed a c-section or if she lost a lot of blood. Anything could happen and it didn’t take words for Rick to know he could lose the love of his life.

________

Y/N laid tiredly on the makeshift bed in their shared cell as she hasn’t been able to keep anything down for a few weeks. Typical morning sickness but Hershel had his worry about dehydration, not like Carl hasn’t been hovering making sure his stepmom had water. Rick asked him to keep an eye on her and his baby sister when he tended the garden but he didn’t need to be asked to do such. The two grew close when Lori passed and if she would do anything for Carl, he’d do anything for her.

“If your dad is making you hover. You don’t have to” Y/N said almost exhausted as she sat up in the bed when Carl was once peaking from the curtain now fully entering the cell with another canteen.

“Dad didn’t tell me anything. I’m allowed to check on you if I want to”

“I should be checking on you. You don’t have to worry about me” She states patting the empty space beside her while moving the blankets to cover her legs. “I’m okay”

“I know…b-but I want to…I don’t want to miss anything”

Y/N gave him a confused look gently making Carl look at her as he tried to cover his face with his hat. But then Y/N took his hat off lifting his chin to find his tears.

“Carl…love, what’s wrong?”

“I-I…” Carl choked up a bit feeling Y/N carefully wipe away his tears whenever they spilled from his waterline. “I don’t want to lose you too. I didn’t see…a-anything before and I just—-“

“Carl. We couldn’t have predicted what happened to your mom to have happen and I’m always so deeply sorry you lost her.” Y/N gently held his face feeling him ease into her touch letting her wipe away his tears. “We don’t know what’s going to happen, but I will promise you. I’m going to be okay”

“But you can’t…you can’t promise something like that”

“I’m going to anyway. I’m going to take good care of myself and this baby, knowing damn well my boys are going to help me. I’m not going anywhere love…I’m going to be okay”

________

Something didn’t feel right.

Y/N had tried not to think much of the growing pain in her stomach as she thought it was the lack of food in her system or the mild dehydration she was reaching.

Then when the mysterious water appeared and the debate of drinking such was washed away in the little sense of the rain pouring down on them. Her distressed expression matched those who’ve lost since the fall of the prison hence no one second guessed the feelings. Until Carl took note of it.

“Are you okay?”

“Just a little uncomfortable. Keep her covered or she’ll get a cold” Y/N fixed the coat she was once wearing to cover Judith better as Carl took his hat off to cover her head.

“Are you really sure that’s all mo—-Y/N?”

“Yes, I’m—-“ She stopped herself reaching for Rick grabbing his bicep harshly to indicate how much pain she was in as he quickly addressed the matter bringing her close. “R-Rick I think. I think the baby is coming”

“Well that couldn’t have been poorly timed” Eugene commented only for Abraham to smack him upside the head. “You have any better idea where the pregnant woman should have her baby? In the middle of the road with the rain pouring down on us and unable to see the walkers when nightfall approaches”

“Someone shut his mouth” Rick snapped watching Glenn push Eugene out of the Grimes’ line of sight as Abraham and Rosita blocked his view.

“Nah we got somewhere. Saw a barn on my way back to y’all after searching for water” Daryl states before leading the way as Rick didn’t hesitate to pick up his partner bridal style following the archer along with the others following shortly behind.

Once they got in the barn, everything had to happen again. Going in all different directions. Maggie and Carol took care of getting Y/N situated, prepared while Carl took care of watching Judith while the others swarmed respectfully on the other side of the half wall to give Y/N some privacy while she stripped from the waist down.

“Tell me how you’re feeling. Especially if there’s major changes” Carol stated watching Y/N nod trying to take deep breaths feeling Rick gently brush the hair out of the way of her face watching her look at him through anxious tears.

“Your baby will come perfect okay, okay? Nothing wrong will happen” Maggie’s choice of words confused those who weren’t there when they lost Lori, and especially how they lost her. No one questioned. All the focus was making sure that baby comes out okay while protecting everybody.

It felt like a cue. When the walkers came a banging on the barn doors resulting in almost every muscle they’ve got keeping them closed, Y/N was already in the motions of pushing this baby out only for a smooth sailing to reach a jammed complication.

“H-Hurts. Hurts so much!” Y/N shouted as the growling tuned it out except for Maggie and Carol’s ears as they both were checking what is happening. The baby’s shoulder is stuck and in a perfect world they’d have the tools or the operating room to go to that nuclear option of a c-section. Something they didn’t want to do.

“Y/N you have to stop pushing”

“O-O…I…” Y/N sobbed listening to Carol’s words as she gripped onto the blanket she laid on not finding the words to ask for her husband but the anxiety growing in the situation made Maggie shout.

“Rick we need yea!” That caused a few head turns as the pounding shifted the weaker few against the door.

“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Rick instantly asks, taking Y/N’s hand into his feeling the bone crushing grip she was producing as he kept his ground a straight face for her.

“Baby is stuck”

“I have a plan but if it doesn’t go well, we could lose them both” Maggie frowns, remembering an old conversation back from the prison with her father about breached babies and if it ever happened to her then one would have to reach into her while another pushed down on her belly to help the baby progress.

“Take me through it. We’ve got this” Carol states turning to Y/N and her worried expression. “Scream. Scream it out. Everybody’s got our back and you will make it. You both will make it”

The growling grew louder along with the blood curdling screaming as Michonne brought Carl into her arms covering his ears while the two kept their ground against the door. He sobbed listening to his mom’s screaming and those from the beginning of the prison sanctuary were all feeling the old anxiety bubble up inside them.

But once it settled…the growling faded and the anxiety dissipated…the screaming stopped…

Rick pressed his lips to Y/N’s feeling the tears roll off his cheeks as he pulls away to look at their baby boy laying on her chest calming instantly to the soft touch his mother brought with the finger grazes.

“He’s perfect…”

“You did it, darling” Rick exhales a chuckle, kissing her forehead and bringing her close keeping his coat to cover their baby keeping him comfortable in her arms.

“We’re okay” Y/N felt the tears pour as she laughs the anxiety out bringing her gaze to her son when he brought himself to look at his brother. “We are okay, like I promised”

Carl felt the tears return in his eyes as Y/N tiredly reaches to wipe away his tears. Rick smiles at the gentle act admiring his little family as he made this declaration a long time ago…

But he’ll never let anything happen to his family.

[ghostboneswrites2]

Maybe, Possibly, One Day.

Summary: All the years that went by before Daryl realized you loved him.

Pairing: Reader!Greene x Daryl Dixon

Era: Starts at the Greene Farm, ends at the Commonwealth

Genre: survival, comfort, falling in love

Word count: roughly 2800

Warnings: TWD typical violence, character death, grief

        The first time he saw you, you were tending his wounds. His eyelids had barely parted, so little that you couldn’t tell he was awake. The gunshot barely missed him, just grazing over the side of his head. You couldn’t help but think about the scar it would leave. You felt bad for him, always searching tirelessly for that lady’s little girl and getting hurt in the process. 

        The bullet graze was oddly the least of his worries, though. The bolt that pierced through his abdomen may not have caused too much internal bleeding, but it was already nasty and oozing with pus. Your daddy made comments about going through the antibiotics so fast, but you didn’t care. You couldn’t bare to see another person die, not after so many had gone.

        Through the slivers of his nearly shut eyes, he followed you around the bed. He watched you check his bandages, clean his wounds, rewrap him carefully. He took note of your gentleness. Hershel, Patricia, Beth, Maggie — they all had careful hands. You, however, were the most gentle and tender person he’d ever been touched by. You were so afraid of hurting him, even when you thought he was out cold. He couldn’t help but admire your softness, even if it meant you might not be cut out for the world.

        He’d take notice of you after that. He never really did before, honestly. You were just one of the farmer’s daughters he’d met in passing, nothing more. After he was back on his feet, though, you’d catch his eye often. You were young. Younger than Maggie, older than Beth. He knew he couldn’t look at you that way. You know, the way that encouraged lingering gazes and any excuse to brush a finger against yours. No, he instead opted to look at you as someone to protect.

        He told himself if things went bad, if the farm went up in flames and the dead were chomping their jaws at every turn, he’d look for you. He’d make sure you made it out of there, because you deserved that. And so, he did. When the farm was burning to ash, when walkers plagued the land and took out so many of your people, he looked for you. He found you, after Carol was already on the back of his bike. 

        He would have thought you were a walker had he not recognized your frame from behind. You were dragging your feet slowly, traumatized and exhausted from the events of that night. He slowed his motorcycle beside you and called to you. “Get on.” 

        There wasn’t exactly much room, and you found yourself hugging tight around Carol to prevent you from slipping off the back. Carol had to hold Daryl tighter to avoid slipping off with you. And there he was, chauffeuring two women he’d allowed himself to care for to safety, or some semblance of such, at least. 

        That night was a blur. You lost a lot. Everything, really, except the remainder of your family and your newfound friends. 

        The winter on the road wasn’t much easier. You had all learned to operate as a team, tactical and careful. Silence became your best friend. 

        Sometimes you’d find yourself staring at people, reading them, appreciating them for who they were. Daryl wasn’t exempt from this habit. You’d always been an observer, reading people well. You could tell he was a tad softer to you and Carol than the others. Sometimes he’d make sure you got the canned food you liked if he could save it for you. Sometimes he’d just give you that knowing look and remind you that he understood, that you weren’t alone. 

        He wasn’t chatty, not even when the prison became home. Still, he made time for Carol and you sometimes. He’d bring back a little trinket for you or a flower for Carol. They were tokens of his appreciation to you both, two soft souls who reminded him he could be soft too.

        When the prison fell, when he lost Beth, he had given up hope. After the Claimers, when he found Rick again, he reasoned it couldn’t be that bad. Things could finally look up for him and his family, maybe, one day.

        Terminus seemed too good to be true, because it was. The one good thing, he was reunited with most of his family, and especially you. When he saw you in that train car, when he heard your voice, he couldn’t stop himself from embracing you. It wasn’t a long intimate hug, but it was tight and secure and you felt something when he did it. That was the beginning of something, but neither of you knew it yet.

        After Beth died, morale was at an all time low. Days blended together without food or water. You barely had the strength to keep walking. Daryl was a shell of himself after the events at Grady. You took notice but you didn’t pry. You did, however, sneak off after him once. It was one of many times he’d break away from the group and meet them back on the road. You had begun to think he had the right idea. It was exhausting carrying on with everyone in the street, trying to keep your mind set on survival instead of the image of your little sisters brains splattering all over you. 

        You followed him quietly, albeit not quiet enough to go unnoticed. You didn’t have the skill he had when it came to stepping perfectly on the crunchy leaves to not make a sound. It peeved him a little, truth be told. He went out to think of Beth, to cry, to let himself feel something finally. When he found a suitable spot to sit, he did, with no regard for your presence. You sat too, against a tree just a few feet away from him. 

        You enjoyed the silence of the forest. The sounds of nature and critters around you was second nature at that point. You didn’t even register it. You did, however, notice the two shoelaces tied around Daryl’s pants at the bottom. They were different colors, dirty and worn, and the familiarity brought a constricting feeling to your chest and throat. 

        “Are those hers?” You croaked, barely above a whisper. He glanced down at them, and looked over to you. His eyes were glossy and sad. He nodded and pressed his lips together tight, tears aching to burst through the damn of numbness he’d confined them behind. You sniffled and let out a quiet sob. The weight of your pain was too much for his hardened shell to bare. It cracked under the pressure, knowing he failed you, knowing he failed Beth, knowing she was gone and she wouldn’t have been had they not separated. It was just another tragedy to bare the burden of, just another notch on his belt. He broke. He cried. So did you. 

        You were the first to pull yourself together. When you stood and walked over to him, he looked up at you. It was a pleading, helpless look. Maybe it was forgiveness or comfort or something in between that he was begging you for. You didn’t know. But you crouched down beside him and curled up right there on the forest floor, laying your head in his lap and sharing your grief with him. It was like you gave him some of your own sadness and took a little of his in return. It was a lot to shoulder, so you’d do it together. 

        He flattened his legs as his knees were originally up toward his chest. Your head fit perfectly on his thigh. It was comfortable. You didn’t look at him. Your eyes were far away and spaced out. He watched you, though. He took in all of you. The imperfections on your soft skin, the layer of sweat that seemed to permanently coat your face and enhance your radiance. He saw the way your hair stuck down to your clammy flesh, the flush of redness from heat and sunlight. He watched your breathe and familiarized himself with the pace of your breaths. He admired you, much like he always had, but somehow it was deeper than before. 

        He found himself placing a hand on your side, and the other found the top of your head. He didn’t rub you in delicate circles or anything too affectionate. Just touching you felt like such new territory, but he was there. The weight of his still hands on your body was enough. You felt as whole as you could feel given the circumstances. 

        “C’mon.” He’d whisper after maybe fifteen minutes. “Can’t let ‘em get too far ahead.” 

        You stood and offered him a hand, which he only took to be polite. He didn’t use you to hoist himself to his feet, he used his own strength. 

        At Alexandria, when you all slept on the floor of the living room, he was the last to shut down for the night. He picked a spot close to you. Close enough to hear your breathing, but not close enough to draw attention or touch you. 

        He searched for you when the wolves attacked. He looked for you when he came back from recruiting with Aaron to let you know he was back home and safe. He’d find you when you were missing from dinner. He skipped gatherings with you. He grew fond of you in a way he hadn’t for anyone else. 

        He didn’t kiss or compliment you. Hell, it wasn’t so romantic at all, really. He’d just get that fluttery feeling when you stood close enough to touch shoulders, or when you’d both look each other in the eye and communicate silently. You always understood each other.

        Your company was peaceful and welcome. You were soft and kind, sure. But, you weren’t weak. The only thing you’d never done that others had to do was kill someone, and that time was sure to come when the situation called for it. That day would come sooner than either of you thought.

        You went out on a hunt with him once. Your duties at Alexandria were fulfilled for the day and you decided to tag along for some much needed peace that could only be found when you were alone with him in the woods.

        There weren’t many tracks to follow that day, so you spent a lot of the time just wandering with him. He normally would turn back when he realized there was little chance of finding food. This time, though, you were there, and he could tell you needed the escape, so he accompanied you in your stroll and pretended to search for signs of edible life.

          A snap in the bushes drew both your attention in the direction it came from. Daryl’s crossbow raised, your knife in hand. You suspected either a walker or an animal, never a group of rugged men dressed in rags and muck. 

        The men circled you both, outnumbering you by three more. They reeked of dirt, sweat, and blood. They eyed you with a predatory passion, the kind that a woman feared coming from a man. As hard as you fought, you and Daryl were no match for them. Daryl managed to take one out, you managed to injure another, but the other three managed to overpower you both. 

        One held you both at gunpoint while the other two went to gather some wood for a fire. Whatever they had planned for you, it wouldn’t be good. They intended on keeping you both for the night, that much was clear, but past that you were uncertain. While the other two were away, and the man you injured was wallowing in pain, the guy keeping watch over the two of you with a rifle was making sure Daryl understood just how angry he was at him for killing one of theirs. 

        You’d scream and beg him to stop but the man beat Daryl down nonetheless. Eventually Daryl stopped fighting, the pain becoming overwhelming and the fear that retaliation would result in harm coming your way creeping at the back of his mind. 

        Still, you begged, and when the man didn’t stop, you scanned your surroundings for anything of use. Your eyes landed on a gray rock with jagged edges. You glanced over at the man who was still kicking Daryl into the ground, then down at Daryl, who was watching you with a knowing look. His eyes said everything that needed to be said. He was telling you to do it. 

        Without a second thought you rushed over to the stone and ran up behind the barbarian, slamming the rock into the back of his bald head. The man stumbled and grabbed his skull, but he hadn’t gone down. You gripped the rock tightly once again and smashed him in the temple. He fell to the ground with a thud, but he was still moving, and that meant you weren’t done yet. You couldn’t be. 

         You climbed over him and straddled him, raising the rock high above your head with both hands, and brought it down on his face. You weren’t really sure if it worked. You had never killed anyone before — let alone in such a brutal fashion — so you kept going. Hoisting the heavy stone up and bringing it back down as hard as you could. By the time you stopped to catch your breath, the man’s face was smashed in, non recognizable. Blood and brain matter were speckled all over you. 

        You looked at the rock in your hands with horror and dropped it to the ground, scrambling away from the body in disgust. You were panting, hyperventilating.  When Daryl finally pushed his aching body off the ground he rushed over to you.

         His face was bloody and bruised, but you were his main focus. He dragged you to your feet and pulled you back toward home, all the while replaying the events of the day in his mind. 

        He always knew he’d kill for you. Hell, he’d die for you. But he never thought you’d do the same for him. He didn’t think you could. He didn’t believe you should have had to. He was meant to protect you, to keep your pretty skin free from the gore. He may have failed at that, but he did learn something: you’d kill for him.

        He didn’t forget that, either. Not when he helped you clean up that night, not when he relayed the events to Rick and Deanna, not when months passed and it was all in the past. He was reminded time and time again what you’d do for him. When you killed Saviors, when the war was over, when Rick died and you made sure to stay for days at a time with Daryl at his camp in the woods. 

         It took him years to realize it, but he thought maybe you could love him. He thought maybe he loved you too. He thought, no matter what, he’d always find you, and you him. 

        After the Whisperers were gone, at the Commonwealth, between caring for Judith and RJ, he’d find as much time for you as he could. And one night, at your small apartment, he’d stand outside the door, playing with his fingers and gnawing at his cheeks until he took a deep breath of courage and knocked.

        You’d open the door and smile at him the way you always did. Soft and subtle, but real. You’d step to the side and let him in. He’d follow you to the kitchen where you’d pour a drink for you both. He’d take a sip, then two, maybe three. He’d wait for the buzz to set in enough to gain some confidence in himself. Then, he’d find himself staring at you, taking you in as everything that you were. You’d ask him, “What?” With an awkward giggle. You’d wonder if you had something on your face that he couldn’t look away from. 

        He’d shake his head and shrug, unsure if he could find the words to articulate what he was thinking or feeling. He never had a way with words. 

        He couldn’t find the right thing to say, he’d realize. But he did think he knew what to do instead. 

        So, in the midst of the thick silence that consumed you both, in your dimly lit kitchen, he’d step closer to you. You’d stare up at him. He’d get close enough that you could feel his soft breaths tickle the baby hairs on your forehead. He’d reach up, slowly, unsteady, until his hands found your jaw. Then, he’d lean down, and his lips would find yours. 

Masterlist // Taglist

tags: @kissmeunicornbaobei @thesadcatt0 @clairealeehelsing @duckybird101 @tmntfixationxreader @ryoujoking @blackvelveteen1339 @yondus-girl @ladylincoln @sunshinebug9 @saylum559 @yoowhatthefuck @duffmckagansbandana @celtic-crossbow @virginsexgod69 @dazzling-roaring-20s @l0kilaufeys0n7 @uhnanix

Divider credits can be found on my masterlist!

[alotofpockets]

Birthday wish | Mary Earps x Reader

Summary: Where you surprise Mary for her birthday.

Woso masterlist | Words: 1.2k

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Your wife has been the England goalkeeper for quite some years now, but her being away on camp, and away for matches never got easier. With quality time and physical touch being your main love languages, it was hard being away from her. Mary always made sure to video call you once a day when she was away. It didn't matter if she was surrounded by her teammates or not, she would get the call in before you headed to bed. 

You had been missing her a lot today, so when you heard your phone ring in the other room, you rushed to it to answer. “Hi baby, I missed you so much!” Mary's face lights up at your words, “I missed you too, my love.” You hear a chuckle in the background, “She really did, y/n/n, she wouldn't shut up about you.” Mary rolled her eyes, “Shut up, Bright.” 

She focussed her attention back on you. “How was your day?” After Millie's comment it was hard to wipe the smile off of your face. “It was alright, I did some chores and errands today. Too little distraction to not miss you constantly though.” Mary knew you struggled with time apart from each other for longer periods of time. While she was always working when those periods happened, she put extra effort into texting you about her day, no matter how much teasing from her teammates it got her. “How was your day?” Mary told you about practice and their afternoon off. “Oh, and just checking, you haven't opened your birthday present yet, right?” Mary shook her head, “I have not. I promised you I wouldn't, my love.” Mary's birthday would be during camp, and though you had planned to celebrate together when she would be back home, you still wanted to gift her something for the day off.

After you hung up the phone you immediately texted Millie.

You: Hey Mills, can you help me with something?

A couple days later it was your wife's birthday, you had sent her a voice note wishing her a happy birthday, and texted her that you were heading into work. Millie was an hour behind, so you knew she wasn't awake yet. With one more picture of you sent her way, you headed to the car.

-----

y/nearps just posted

Liked by 1maryearps and others

y/nearps: Happy birthday to my wonderful wife. May you always be a kid at heart. I love you.

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Back at camp, while Mary was still asleep, Millie opened the hotel room for the rest of the team. When everyone had quietly moved into the room, Millie counted down from three on her hands. After one, everyone in the room loudly started singing, “Happy birthday to you.” Mary sat up in the bed instantly with widened eyes, in shock from the loud wake up call. “Happy birthday dear Mary, happy birthday to you!” She should've known her teammates were up to something, there had been whispers all around her yesterday.

A couple hours later, when training was done, the team met for lunch in the dining hall. The whole team, including staff this time, sang happy birthday to Mary. She got her present from the coaches, and blew out the candles on the cake. While everyone is enjoying a piece of cake, Millie speaks up. “We've got one more thing.” She walked up to the small podium where the projector was stationed, and connected her phone. A still of your face showed upon connection, and the team started whistling, making Mary roll her eyes jokingly. Millie pressed play, and moved to the side. “Hello my birthday girl, and everyone else who is watching along.” You waved to the camera. “I hope you will have an amazing birthday. You have a lot of great people surrounding you today, so I know it will be great. I wish I could be there to celebrate with you. Anyways, happy birthday baby, I love you. See you soon.” You ended the video with blowing a kiss.

When everyone settled down Beth turned to Mary, “It's disgusting how in love you two are.” Mary raises her eyebrows, “You're one to talk, Mead.” The rest of the group laugh at the both of you.

Mary grabs her phone to send you a text.

Mary: Just saw your video. Thank you so much my love ❤️

She didn't expect you to text back instantly, but she immediately felt giddy when she saw you were typing.

Y/n: Ofc baby, I wanted to make sure your day had some nice surprises :)

Y/n: Speaking of surprises, have you opened your present already?

Mary: Not yet, I wanted to open it on call with you.

Y/n: I have a moment now, if you're free?

Mary: Yes! Give me like 5 minutes? The team has been nosy, so I'm gonna head to the room quickly.

Y/n: Okay baby, take your time.

Mary quickly made her way to her room, her phone ready to call in her hand when she opened the door. She was about to press call when she noticed something from the corner of her eye. She looked up and could not believe her eyes. Under a bundle of balloons stood the person she had just wanted to call. So, instead of pressing call, she ran into your arms. “You're here? You are really in Italy with me?” You smiled and kissed her lips. “I am, until the end of the week. Happy birthday, baby.” After a few more kisses, Mary takes your hand and guides you to the side of the bed. “I am so glad you're here. I've missed you so much. I wished for you to be here when I blew out the candles earlier. I'm going to need to take these birthday wishes more seriously, if all it did was one wish to get you here.” You peck her lips, “You're very cute, but I think instead of the birthday candles you should thank Millie, she helped me set all of this up.”

You spend a moment together, just the two of you to catch up on some cuddles, and just conversation. Mary opened the gift you got her. It was a necklace that matched with her wedding ring, and had it engraved with the date of your wedding in it. Mary loved it a lot, she had been saying she wanted more necklaces, so this was both perfect and super special.

In the meantime Millie had shared the plans she had set up with you with the rest of the groups, so they understood why their goalkeeper was away for so long. When the two of you made your way over to the group, you hugged all of the girls. 

While the girls would be busy with training during your stay, you know you were going to have a great few days here. The team had the afternoon off, so with Mary and a few of the girls you explored some parts of Italy. It was safe to say that Mary had a great birthday, with you by her side.

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💗 If you enjoyed this fic, please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging! You can also supporting me by leaving a tip 💗

[omgwhatchloe]

STUPID MODERN AU HEADCANONS ALERT

-they all have one hideout they stay at after too many of their apartments kept getting raided. its…its chaotic sometimes.

-bill snores so fucking loud and sleeps on the sofas. he DOES have a bed, he just ‘rests’ his eyes during whatever he’s watching, spreads out and snores like hell. its the most infuriating thing, and arthur does not hold back when beating him with a pillow.

-however if it was lenny or one of the girls who’d fallen asleep on the sofa, lets just say hes sneaking back into the house after late night adventures, and he finds them, arthur would absolutely cover them with a blanket or even carry them to bed depending on how tired he was.

-the men of the gang have differing opinions on drugs, strippers, etc. some will absolutely spend their money on that, others will never even consider it. you gotta remember, this is a gang and theyre criminals.

-movie nights are very random as theyre all constantly in and out, doing this and that, but it is nice when a group of them can settle down and watch something. but you know theyre getting interrupted constantly, because lenny thinks that doesnt make sense and johns hungry and sean thinks theyre hot and tilly cant decide if she wants some of the blanket or not and micah’s just walked in and decided the whole ordeal is very gay etc etc

-STREET RACING. sean, lenny, arthur, john, javier, karen, sadie, even abigail all love it, and it miiiight just be one of hosea’s guilty pleasures.

-leopold strauss does not like dutch’s music. imagine, theyre coming back from a job and he rides with dutch and hosea, who plays ‘old classics’ because dutch thinks thats what theyre into. cut to strauss staring longingly out of the window, watching arthurs car with the roof down and pitbull up. he is a very unhappy old man in that moment. he does NOT WANT to listen to big iron, HE WANTS TIMBER!!

-booktok is lenny’s biggest opp. he likes the classics and to wander around bookshops (sean trailing behind him and picking up random books on weeds and fitness to offer him because he doesnt actually know what theyre about) looking for his own books to read and get his own opinion on.

-sean can read, but does struggle with dyslexia and still dislikes books for this reason. he doesnt mind being read too, but feels overwhelmed and gets upset with himself when actually attempting to read.

-mary-beth loves to watch tv in her room only to fall asleep with it on, causing susan to poke her head around the door and yell at her to turn it off at like 3am. but trust me, the girls seen everything. every dating show, reality show, drama, documentary, she has seen it! she also has teddys/stuffed animals!!

-john never grew out of enjoying sleepovers, but thankfully neither did javier. they’d always get drunk and high together, do dumb shit, snuggle only to deny they did in the morning, and get yelled at to shut up. of course, john’d eventually get to have a sleepover every night with abigail, but he feels like its just not the same…

-charles WILL go to sleep in your car and you cant stop him. arthur finds it cute tho.

-the cupboards do not have snacks because everyone is too possessive over what they want and just keep it in their rooms.

-a lot of the time only a few people are having stew, since the rest are off getting fast food or just not eating.

-sean misses ireland so much, homesickness is a big problem for him (to the point he may actually be sick from upsetting himself so much) and he wishes him and his da never had to leave donegal. though obviously he struggles with booking flights and decides to just not do it instead of asking for help. for a perfect birthday present, lenny booked a trip for them!!

-seans da is not dead!! though he lives quite far from where the gang are staying (different state, not back in ireland) and sean misses him more than he likes to admit. the little irishboy loves to sit in his da’s house with a cup of tea, stealing all the biscuits and yapping on. he used to like to bring lenny too, when they were closer (in distance, not relationship)and his da decided he liked lenny more than sean, joking ofc.

[dixons-sunshine]

👉👈 Because your my fav writer for Dad Daryl 👉👈 Just wondering if you’d consider him stepping up as a parental figure for his niece (Merle’s kid) after he “died” and when he actually died 👉👈

I'm Right Here | Uncle!Daryl Dixon x Niece!Reader (platonic/familial)

*GIF isn't mine.*

Summary: With Merle gone, you were the only family Daryl had left. He had unofficially stepped up as your dad, and in those eight months with your actual father "dead", Daryl was a better dad than Merle ever was. And he proved it in more ways than one, even before Merle went missing.

Genre: Fluff, some light angst.

Era: The Quarry, The Prison (season three).

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of blood and death, fear of abandonment.

Word count: 2.4k

A/n: I've been bouncing back and forth between fics and finally managed to finish this. Next up is I Never Lived For The Applause, and then some more young!Daryl. Anyhow, I hope you like this!

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳

“Hey, kiddo. Ya alrigh'?”

“I'm fine. The walkers didn't get me,” you tried to reassure him. “You didn't find my dad?”

You looked up at the sound of your uncle's voice, meeting his intense gaze. You gave him a small, unconvincing smile that he could see through instantly.

Daryl sat down on the log next to you, placing his crossbow down on the ground. He stared ahead at the ashes of the prior night's fire, an unreadable expression on his face. “Nah. Wasn't nothin' to find 'cept his hand. He had to cut it off.”

You winced, absentmindedly grabbing your own hand at the mere thought of the pain that it must've caused your father. Despite your strained relationship with the man for obvious reasons, he didn't deserve that fate—to lose his hand because some people couldn't find another way to deal with his temper.

“Oh,” you mumbled, feeling your heart break. Despite everything, Merle was your father and you loved him. At least he had stuck around. The same couldn't be said for your mother, who had dropped you on Merle's doorstep the moment you were born.

“Yeah,” Daryl responded, instantly picking up on your downtrodden mood but not knowing how to bring you comfort in a moment like that. He'd just essentially told you, his thirteen year old niece that was so wise beyond her years due to the shit Merle had gotten into, that your father was most likely dead. It tore him apart to have to bestow that news on you, but it was necessary. What could he do, lie to you? That was out of the question.

You blinked the tears away that had started to well up in your eyes, trying to put on a brave face for your uncle. “Looks like it's just us now, huh, uncle Daryl? The two remaining Dixons.”

Daryl gave you a tight-lipped smile and ruffled your hair, chuckling quietly at the sound of protest you let out. “Looks like it. We're gon' give the world hell, ya and I. Jus' like the old times.”

You smiled up at him. Even though your father was gone, you still had your uncle, and that made you feel better about everything.

“We are. The world ain't ready for us.”

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳

“It won't work.”

“S'gotta.”

“It'll stir things up,” Rick told Daryl, adamant with his decision.

“Look, the Governor's probably on the way to the prison righ' now. Merle knows how he thinks, and we could use the muscle,” Daryl replied defiantly, glancing between his companions on the road.

“Do you really want him sleeping in the same cellblock as Carol, Beth or Y/n?” Glenn questioned, unwilling to let Merle, a known hothead and former drug user, near the people he's come to care about.

“He ain't a rapist,” Daryl responded, frowning at Glenn's accusation. “And he sure as hell wouldn't touch his own daughter like tha'. Merle may be sick in some ways, but he ain't like tha'.”

“Yeah, okay, but his buddy is.”

“They ain't buddies no more. Not after last nigh'.”

Rick chipped in to the conversation, turning the archer's attention back to him. “There's no way Merle's gonna live there without putting everyone at each other's throats.”

“What, so ya'd cut Merle loose and bring the last samurai home with us?” Daryl asked, motioning over to Michonne who was waiting for them by the car.

“She's not coming back with us.”

“She's not in a state to be on her own,” Maggie denied, giving Rick a pointed look.

Glenn nodded in agreement to his girlfriend's statement. “She did bring you guys to us.”

“And then ditched us,” Rick stated in a bored tone, eyeing Michonne warily.

“At least let my dad stitch her up?” Maggie asked.

“It's too unpredictable,” Rick denied vehemently, shaking his head.

Daryl nodded in agreement. “He's righ', we dun' know who she is. But Merle... Merle's blood.”

“No. Merle is your blood. My blood, my family is standing right here and waiting for us back at the prison,” Glenn countered, crossing his arms over his chest.

“And you're part of that family,” Rick told Daryl, looking at him expectantly. “He's not. He's not.”

Daryl stayed quiet for a few moments, pondering over his decisions. Thoughts of leaving with Merle, going off and fending for themselves like the old days flashed through his mind, but then he thought of you. You, his sweet, kind, low-key badass, now fourteen year old niece who he'd gone to great lengths to protect over the past eight months. The girl who he'd been taking care of since his brother "died", the girl who had unknowingly started to feel like his own daughter, though he would never tell Merle that. And at that moment, he knew he couldn't just leave. He wouldn't.

“Man, wha' do y'all expect me to tell my niece?” Daryl began, effectively silencing everyone. “Tha' I found her father after all this time and he's alive, but he couldn't come back to her 'cause y'all said so? How's tha' gon' fly with her? Ya'd really deprive the girl a chance at gettin' her father back 'cause of wha' might happen?”

That seemed to really make everyone reconsider. Even Glenn didn't have a counter argument now. Everything was silent for a good thirty seconds while Rick weighed his options, exchanging wordless exchanges with Maggie and Glenn. It was clear that nobody wanted it, but the group couldn't deny Daryl's argument. They cared about you, and it would be unfair for them to deny you the chance of getting your father back.

Rick turned and whistled, signalling Merle over. When he stood in front of him, Rick gripped him by his shirt, getting into his face.

“You're coming with us, but this isn't an invitation for you to be a jackass with everyone back at the prison. The only reason you're even coming back is because of your daughter. If it wasn't for her, you'd be gone.”

Merle's eyes widened the slightest bit with surprise, but it soon morphed back into his usual careless look. “Well, would ya look at tha'. My lil' girl still lives. M'surprised, quite honestly. Didn't think she was built fer this world. Kinda expected her to have kicked the bucket by now.”

“Man, shut up!” Daryl's voice boomed unexpectedly, shutting his brother up. “Dun' make me regret convincin' them to bring ya back. And if ya even say one degradin' thing to yer daughter, I will personally gut ya and feed ya to the walkers. Tha' kid's been through 'nough.”

Unbeknownst to either brother, Rick, Glenn and Maggie had walked ahead to get everything settled into the car, leaving the two brothers to their feud. It was a good idea, too. That was a family matter.

“Wha', ya actually care 'bout her now? Didn't see ya stickin' 'round to play pretend with her back before the world went to shit, and now yer tryna tell me how to parent my own child? Nah, lil' bro. Tha' ain't how it works.”

Daryl scoffed and shoved past him, walking over to the car. He didn't miss the unmistakable sound of Merle's laughter, rolling his eyes at it. He pressed forward and slipped into the passenger's seat, not missing the way everyone tensed up when Merle got into the car.

He just hoped that he hadn't made the wrong decision by bringing Merle back.

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳

You and Carl were rushing over to the gates when you saw the familiar vehicle enter the courtyard. The car was noticeably more crowded, and with one glance through the window, you were relieved to see your uncle. You had been so worried that something might have happened to him, but there he was, relatively unscathed.

Daryl was barely out of the car when you practically launched yourself into his arms. He stumbled a bit but regained his footing, hugging you tightly to him. He didn't miss the unmistakable sound of your sniffles.

“Hey, kiddo, s'alrigh'. M'okay,” he reassured you in whispered tones, rubbing his hand up and down your back in comfort.

“I was so scared. I couldn't stop fearing the worst,” you choked out, trying to will the sobs away. You buried your face into your uncle's shirt, dampening it slightly with your tears, but he didn't seem to mind.

“M'righ' here. I ain't goin' nowhere, I promise,” he assured you. “No more tears, alrigh'? Ain't no more need fer 'em.”

“Well, ain't this jus' sweet.”

A familiar raspy voice met your ears. You tensed up, pulling away from the hug and turning around, facing the man you had thought to be dead for eight months—your father, Merle Dixon.

“Wha', no hugs fer yer old man, girl?” Merle asked, a grin on his face as he extended his arms in a silent invitation for a hug. “Yer not gon' greet the man who helped with givin' ya life?”

Subconsciously, you took a step back. Daryl stepped in front of you, shielding you with his body. He gave Merle a warning glare before turning to you.

“Why dun' ya go help Hershel with tha' lady we brought back? I know he's been teachin' ya some medical things. It'd do ya good to learn how to do stitches.” You nodded, understanding his underlying message and sped off, leaving him alone with Merle. Daryl turned to face him, a glare on his face. “Man, back the hell off. She ain't gotta give ya anythin' if she dun' want to.”

“Because I was with the enemy?”

“'Cause yer a simple minded piece of shit who never even bothered to play dolls with her, much less give her hugs! Ya wanna know somethin'? When tha' lady dropped her off on our doorstep, who do ya think took care of her when yer ass was too high or drunk to? To answer yer question from earlier, I did stick 'round. I changed her diapers. I bathed her, fed her, stayed up with her at nigh' when ya wouldn't. I took care of her. Ya were jus' too fuckin' out of it most of the time to realise it! Hell, did ya think those things happened magically?”

“Now listen here, bro—” Merle started, but Daryl didn't light up.

“And when she got older, who the hell do ya think took her to school? Picked her up, encouraged her to do the spelling bee, went to parent teacher conferences? Do ya think the fuckin' tooth fairy did tha'? Say wha' ya want, bro, but she dun' owe ya shit. Ya may not have been like dad, but ya weren't a good father, either.”

Merle stayed silent for a moment, the weight of his brother's final statement weighing heavily on his shoulders. “Then why the hell did ya convince 'em to bring me back?”

“'Cause despite everythin', tha' girl still loves ya. And she deserves to have her father 'round,” Daryl responded simply before turning around and stalking off, leaving Merle alone and dumbfounded.

Merle Dixon wasn't right about most things, but one thing he knew for certain he was right about was that you probably didn't care whether he was dead or not. If what Daryl was saying was true, you didn't need him. You had a perfectly good father figure in your life already. Daryl had been a better father to you than your actual father was.

And for some unknown reason, that crushed Merle's heart.

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳

“You found him like that?”

Daryl's heart shattered at the broken sound of your voice. It was the second time that he had needed to tell you that Merle was dead, but this time, it was real. Your father's lifeless corpse layed motionless six feet in the ground in the designated graveyard, Daryl having dragged him there and buried him.

Daryl nodded. “Found him as a walker. He had tried to kill the governor but failed. Son of a bitch got to him first.”

“I should've stopped him. I should've known that something was wrong,” you said, a sob threatening to escape your body. “Before he left, he told me that he was proud of me. That he loved me. I should've known that there was a reason to it. He never told me that before. I should've—”

A choked up sob finally fell past your lips. Daryl instinctively pulled you into his arms, offering to be the pillar of strength for you as you crumbled. Despite everything, Merle was still your father. You still had a handful of good memories with the man—when he wasn't drunk or high, Merle was an okay father. But just okay.

It took a while, but you finally managed to calm down. Instinctively, Daryl pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head, running his hand soothingly over your back.

“S'alrigh', kiddo,” he whispered soothingly.

You didn't know what made you say what you said next. Maybe it was the fact that you weren't thinking straight. Maybe it was because you were desperately looking for a pillar of support, you didn't know. But before you could stop it, the words slipped past your lips—

“Please don't leave me. I can't lose you too, Dad.”

A moment of silence passed. Unbeknownst to you, a small smile spread over Daryl's face. He pulled you closer to him.

“Ya still got me. M'here and I ain't goin' nowhere, kid. Yer stuck with me.”

Merle Dixon wasn't always a good man. He wasn't always a good father either. But in the midst of a cruel world, before and after the dead started walking, Merle managed to give Daryl a sweet gift—you, his daughter. Because despite biological relations, you were now truly his.

[verdemoun]

Fun fact, Kieran may have been originally supposed to live longer, at least judging by his many unused voice lines (found on YouTube) and a longer hairstyle which I actually think looks better for him (found on rdr wiki of cut content). Maybe he was supposed to go to Guarma? The voice lines to me suggested going on hunting missions with him but I’m not too sure.

spoilers. obviously

fun fact i have listened to the 2+ hours of Kieran's cut voice lines so many times even my housemates know it and groan when they walk in and i'm listening to it. Did you know one of his cut voice lines for a near miss in a shootout is 'whoo, nearly took my head off!' to foreshadow his eventual demise? And he has several variations of lines telling Arthur to rest with the gentlest tone suggesting he would have been one of the few characters to show concern for Arthur's illness in later chapters? And slightly less relevant but there is a cut interaction in where he asks Jack to sneak him some food only for Arthur to threaten to kill him BUT CALLING HIMSELF UNCLE KIERAN???

screenshots by cad5150

About Guarma, all but confirmed. Here is one of his cut outfits, which I think very obviously suits the vibe of what most of the gang wore in Guarma like compare it to Micah's Guarma outfit in particular. Additionally he has this hood as an outfit accessory: some people think it was intended that when he rides into camp Horsemen Apocalypse there's a moment of the hood being taken off and then the characters having a much more visceral reaction to his eyes being gauged out but personally I think it makes way more sense that he was meant to be in Banking, the Old American Art 'replacing' Sean as an extra gun. Which would have been really cool because I would have loved a conversation where they bring up they're a gun short and it spiral into more reflection on how they're not just a gun short, they're a man down, they lost the 'joy in their lives' Sean Macguire and they were still hurting instead of just NEVER MENTIONING HIM AGAIN other than a few rare character lines.

Side tangent also his scarf is different in his guarma outfit which is it's own essay because if you're going off the blue high honor red low honor theory this so strong implies we could have seen some really cool character development. looking at what the gang were wearing in banking and then in guarma there's no obvious explanation as to where he got it. how cute would it have been if we got a scene where mary-beth gifted him a scarf?? but the also terrifying implication that we might see kieran become less high honour good boy blorbo to someone a bit more morally ambiguous?

I think the question really is how he would have fit in in Guarma, which of course we will never know and considering how much cut content there is about Guarma. Like everyone else in Guarma makes sense: Dutch's descent into immorality being so clear even Arthur questions it, Bill being the one trusted to look after Javier following his rescue, supporting their friendship in rdr1, Micah reaffirming his position as an actual piece of shit in his lines responding to Hosea and Lenny's deaths and complete lack of empathy. Maybe a kieran who is slightly more ruthless and active in shootouts in guarma but also shows compassion for arthur as arthur gets sick? Maybe the attack on Hanging Dog Ranch was meant to be more a revenge for Kieran's death assuming he was taken and killed similarly to his death in chapter 4 (given how much much foreshadowing there is for his death), but just another misery in chapter 6 that hits harder because we have more time to grow attached and see him develop?

Except. Except then we get to cut outfit kieran.

first. hellooooo sailor. but who is this man. who is this man who looks older. and wears a very, very low honour red scarf. and is obviously dressed still as an outlaw, and didn't go live a happy life with mary-beth. is it. is it possible. kieran was not always meant to be doomed by the narrative??

is it possible we would have seen kieran become more loyal to dutch and micah, true to his army abandoning, gang jumping, choosing to ride with the o'driscolls rather than die, immediately 'loyal' to the vdls despite torture because being alone meant certain death, coward nature? or would he have just been a character john could encounter in the epilogue? perhaps shaken by knowing arthur, as one of his very, very few friends, died trying to be a better person and abandoned any effort to be more than an outlaw?

but. but kieran. shirt all buttoned up. scarf on. thick coat. hair slightly feral and wild. why does it looked like you're all dressed up for the cold, buddy? like- like you might have been hiding out up mount hagen.