#best part of the event for me
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IT WAS ERIC AFTER ALL!!!! I'm so glad we got to meet him (before Vil snaps him away with those Infinity Gauntlets) (can't wait to see what happens when we get the matching Infinity Tiara to go with them, there will be no survivors)
(sorry to be so slow/rough lately, just got a lot of stuff on the ol' brain at the moment! alas, if only I could spend all my time drawing incredibly stupid characters I mean I do but)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#tapis rouge#i know these are not my best but by god i needed to draw ~daddo venue~#he is a treat! can't wait for him to yell at us for screwing up a shoot or whatever the last-minute disaster will be#i am SO HAPPY it turned out to be about movies after all! ...i mean sort of anyway#i'll take what i can get (and i do enjoy twst trying to be all cute about snow whAHEM i mean beautiful queen) (i see you there twst)#(also to be fair it actually wasn't poisoned in historial-revisionism-twstland so i think we can trust this apple. a+ acting eric)#anyway we are still. very solidly in the 'stand around and talk about the wallpaper for three hours' part of the event.#but HEY we got to meet eric! i was not really expecting it to be him so i am VERY pleased#also god help me i did think the shopping montage as portrayed by a rhythmic where they literally SKIP down the street was hilarious#there's a lot of Choices that were made in this event and that was a good one
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i miss carpisuns sometimes </3
#not necessarily that I regret switching over but i just get like nostalgic for an earlier time in the ml fandom#s3 was soooo much fun for me#and the long hiatus before s4 was also the best. so good wasn’t ready for it to end when it did haha#things just feel so different in the fandom now#both the fandom has changed and I have changed#and of course the STORY has changed#and I like don’t know what to do about that or how to react#cause I am used to being one of the guys who is defending ml’s honor with my life lol#committed to spreading positivity#and I still want to be that guy!#but it’s like. idk. I don’t recognize this story anymore#this isn’t the same story that I fell in love with years ago. but I don’t want to just like Leave??#I do want to see how things play out bc I am still invested in these characters#and I would love to still be part of the fan community and connect with people over a mutual love for this thing#that has been important to me for years and has inspired me to create and learn new skills and make new friends!#but I also don’t just want to shut up and pretend I’m happy about things I am decidedly unhappy about lol#like it’s honestly surprising to me that a only a small minority of the fandom seems to feel the way I do?#and the majority are still super pumped and frustrated at the people who are complaining#and really. I don’t WANT to rain on anyone’s parade. I honestly don’t#I was part of the parade for years! I had the best time in the parade! I don’t want to ruin the good time!#so i try not to be too salty on main ? but i feel like I’m going a little crazy lmao! like I’m just one bitter little miser fhdjjd#i mean i guess it’s kind of a good thing that I moved blogs tbh lol#cause now when i whine only a fraction of the people have to be exposed to it 😂#but man i hate knowing that people might think of me as a salter#I mean it’s valid if people are trying to have fun and do not want to hear my complaining haha#but also do i automatically have to be a salter. are the only options support and defend ml 100% at all times or Be A Salter#or can there be a third category of certified ml lover that is just disappointed in recent events & disagrees with the new writing direction#is that too much nuance for tumblr lol#see maybe that’s why I miss carpisuns. she didn’t have to ask this question. she was only full of LOVE!#but therein lies the irony…like marinette I have made this choice out of love…for what the story once was…what is to become of me now…
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Tbh I think my favorite little Abby scene in TLOU2 is when she’s scared af on the bridge (Abby … you don’t need to be afraid of heights to find that OSHA and just general civil engineering code violation of a “bridge” absolutely terrifying)
And Lev just casually asks about what’s going on between her and Owen and she just responds with “Oh my god Lev! Now?!”
Like that is some fucking peak sibling energy.
#also drove home the fact that she’s like … 20 during the events of this game#because that’s also the most teenager energy lmao#like 20 years old is 100% adult#but also … having been 20 once upon a time … idk like you’re still kind of a teenager#could be projecting but even like during a zombie apocalypse where people have to ‘grow up’ pretty fast#I just think that some things don’t really change as much#anyway I absolutely love the both of them#Abby and Lev are the best part of that fucking game don’t @ me#tlou2#abby tlou#lev tlou
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i drew a streamer i started watching recently who was playing LN1~
their name is obakechan !
#my art#art q#cell shading#chibi#misc bg#little nightmares#fanart#in other news i am slowly recovering from the whole like#being possessive of my art and artstyle#after the whole bunsong youtube series of unfortunate events plus dailycelebi#so if you wanted to ask how i do any certain things i am very likely to share now..!#i still say dont heavy ref my art and post it#like u can do that to learn privately#but otherwise idk i am overcoming it#oh and dont heavy reference my commission work ofc thats for the paying customer#anyways this took me like 20 or 30 mins#actually i can check#yeah 21 mins#i should stream little nightmares again#also i recognise my possessiveness of my art was partly cuz like i was not at all used to being seen outside my friends anyways#and my art is a big part of my identity#so seeing someone copy it as best as they could was very unsettling at the time#but after a lot of introspection and breaking down why i felt that way i started to recover after realising that like#people doing that arent stripping me of my identity and wearing it right#they just liked my art#except the users who traced or heavy reffed my shit and didnt credit me nor ask and then sold it those guys dont count#but yeah im still figuring it all out internally#actually making those bases really helped !!
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#i have been sobbing or alternatively holding back tears through sheer force of will for 13 hours#and i'm exhausted#welcome to the part of rags that processes on a delay#i'm a great person to have in an emergency#the emotional crap hits the fan afterward#the church is breaking my heart#and yet all of this -gestures wildly- is succeeding in making me look a little more kindly on history#a previous me would often ask#'where was the church/the good people during the crusades and the events that led up to the trail of tears and the holocaust' and on and on#and i think the answer is they were right there#history is afterall not written by who loved best but by who won#they were right there#loving hard and weeping and trying and crying out to God to turn his people's hearts back to mercy and away from power#today's endless and damless lament can be compared to only a handful of times in my life so far#(thank heaven for that)#the unexpected death of a friend and the borderline nervous breakdown at the lowest point of depression#and then you have today#it's such a tangle of things and too complicated for even me to name a lot of it#but most of it is heartbreak from how the (especially american bc that is where i am) church is failing Christ and each other and the world#i can handle bad from the world#i cannot hold the weight of this idolatry to power#thank God this place is not my home and that the church#though deeply wounded by its own excesses and self-serving#is being redeemed and forever belongs to Christ and his kingdom#these kingdoms of earth shatter and trample us#the only thing to hold onto is the kingdom of heaven#i have cried myself sick and i'm going to bed
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Howdy! Apologies for the lack of answered asks! I've been a bit distracted/unmotivated lately! I'll try my best to answer at least some of them, if not all, over the next week!
#my bad y'all#i got the first part of the ao3 search guide completed#though i haven't started on the second part yet#i've been busy playing afk journey#because i didn't realize that jaiden was doing a collab with them#so i've been trying desperately to complete the quests for the event to get everything#luckily i managed to find out just in time so i was able to get enough points to get all the rewards#that plus i'm going to see the crane wives on the 15th with my best friend#so my brain is making me very anxious because what if something goes wrong#it's also my first time to going to a concert so that's making me nervous as well#it's gonna be an interesting month#that all said though i am going to try to answer some asks that have been in the ask box for a while#this will be deleted
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if they only wanted to have kisses for the brothers in this event it should have just been beel and belphie since they're the box UR cards. instead it's just giving 2021 event with how it treats the other dateables :/
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was just making my morning cup of tea when my brain inexplicably dished up a long forgotten memory of what must be the most poorly thought out and cartoonishly offensive reality show ever produced (yes, even worse than milf island manor or whatever it’s called) and i had to google it to make sure it was actually real because frankly it seems like it should only be a wildly problematic fever dream.
but no, it was real.
it was called black. white. and it followed two real american families™ supposedly "swapping races" using hyper-realistic "makeup effects" and then going off to interact with society looking like rdj in tropic thunder and the wayans brothers in white chicks in order to "understand" racism and privilege (i mean presumably that was the point but yikes)
and this was not a show made in the 80's when you might expect some coked up executive to have thought it was a good idea, either. it was in fact made in 2006. and wikipedia is telling me that ice cube was one of the producers??
genuinely what were they thinking with this mess??????
#i don't even know how to tag this post honestly#the show was clearly trying to start some kind of dialogue *about* racism and privilege#but it somehow found the most racist way possible to do that#like the one episode i saw part of had the white teenage girl#in full blackface#like i cannot stress enough that she was in full blackface#going to a (predominantly black) slam poetry event#where she wanted to come clean about her true identity because she felt gross about lying#which really makes me wonder how much of a say she (or the teenage son of the black family) actually had in taking part#anyway i'll tag#racism#no idea what else to file this under 😬😬😬#also turning off reblogs because i’m sure it would take like a day for them to get out of hand#this post is really just me doing my best rod serling ‘’isn’t that fucked up?’’ impression
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Kohaku would be the flower boy, obviously
#I WAS GONNA SAVE THIS FOR A LATER TIME BUT IT HAS BEEN PLAGUING MY THOUGHTS#my friend was like ‘wouldn’t hiiro be rinne’s best man’ and that’s where I got that second part idea from#anyways#rinniki#they’re just so#jdhskdhkahdkahdjahdjhaj#if you don’t hear from me again it’s ‘cause happyele still has me in the box#enstars#rinne amagi#niki shiina#edit: in my frenzy of making this to expose y’all to my thoughts I misspelled event as evernt#magic pretzel
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innocently logging in to look at the Twst schedule for May like
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#tsumsted wonderland#i-is that enough spoiler tags#anyway twst just absolutely obliterating me with the schedule again#i saw the story completion campaign ended in june and was like 'oh okay that'll be when we get the next part' NOPE HA HA#oh my god rook. oh my god savana rook is real.#w...why is this a story card. hey twst wHY IS THIS A STORY CARD --#is rook dreaming of still being a rowdy boy or#and why is he...(squints) why is he in a pomefiore bedroom#never mind i'm actually terrified of this card now#god. the STETSON. i'm crying.#he really is just applejack huh#also vil i don't know what your problem was this man's mane is LUSCIOUS#and what's this? it's twst following up that first punch with the right hook of EVEN MORE of the best and silliest event#malleus is going to be in the middle of an angsty flashback while dangling us over a pit of spikes or something#and then we're going to cut directly to him having a charming little tea party with a small plush version of himself#oh twst your sense of pacing remains exquisitely incomprehensible#(no i love this though)
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the dopamine hit in my brain every time I get to click the little dice in bg3
#bg3#I'm not kidding it's the best part of the game#yes good let me click the math rocks#I need them#also I'll get back to posting the fic soon I just had another Event this week so I'm tired
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This two friendship is not what I expect but you know
Wholesome + wholesome makes an amazing result
#lord of heroes#loh johan#loh rozelic#seriously this event fun so far and I only have done best boy's part#and johans undying loyalty to the lord yet again made me tear up
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i'm overwhelmed by the amount of positive comments i got on my latest fic! my heart goes out to all the survivors of sexual abuse, and i'm glad my fic has helped many of you process your own trauma. <3
#personal#i honestly wrote it bc i was feeling quite Bad abt very Old Wounds haha as i am sometimes wont to do#bc of a person/event that reminded me of my abuser#i thought it may resonate with like one or two people but i mainly wrote it for myself#and i am so surprised that so many people have messaged me about it#also kinda sad bc that means they've Not Had A Good Time#however i'm very glad my fiction can provide some sort of relief/catharsis#it's an isolating experience to have very ambivalent feelings abt your own abuse#and to become aware of your own patterns of seeking to repeat it/seeking toxic dynamics that remind you of it#about 6 years have passed since i was last abused in such a way#and while i do get randomly sad about it and while it has affected my psyche in a very significant way#and while i still do get the occasional flashback albeit it is much more rare nowadays#and still do react to certain things quite disproportionately#i have to say it DOES get better#esp if you make a tangible effort to heal#you will get there#and while it is a part of you it is not who you are#and you are capable of living a fulfilled and satisfying life#sexually and otherwise#i used to be so upset about not being a Good Victim#but the best thing i've done is that i have given myself grace and stopped policing/moralising my own experience#(that does not mean allowing myself to engage in repeated self-abuse)#(even if i have slipped a couple of times bc i am human)#i have allowed the space for my toxic fantasies instead of trying to banish them#but i have sought to fill my life with other positive experiences#while not forgetting or erasing the negatives#and while my abuse will always be a part of me it will not prevent me from being happy#also kink has helped a lot as well as writing#but i advise ppl to tread VERY carefully with kink as esp as abuse survivors#it is a slippery slope and it can be dangerous in many ways
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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I mean I’m kinda not against a lore dump & a quick reveal of Appa in an adaptation. this is a show for existing fans. if we were getting a 1:1 what’s the point? I don’t mind that everything is getting explained real fast so we can jump right in on the ground that I’ve decided to view this exactly how I view book to movie adaptations. I get why this stuff would bug some people but for me this is a little like how I felt watching the Harry Potter movies as they came out after I read the books as they came out. Like ok we’re seeing a new version of our faves it won’t be totally true but that’s ok
#cancel me if you want for loving Harry Potter btw#I love trans people#Harry potter is a cultural phenomena & you’re fake af if you pretend it’s not a huge part of many peoples lives growing up#this is the best comparison I can make#like do you get me#if not Harry Potter cmon#twilight. the hunger games. a series of unfortunate events#the film or show adaptations all garner similar feelings do they not#like this is ok#it’s not the thing I love but that’s ok#rose watches atla la
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I have thoughts about the TTPD speculation/two years/loneliness/sharing feelings through songs train but I'm putting them under a cut because. Yeah.
OK, so I'm giving a warning:
I'm talking about BTTWS, but NOT about the speculation/inspiration behind it. Just about the feelings in it and the Midnights of it all/the idea that sharing the difficult things brings comfort/companionship. So getting that out of the way so we can remove that part of the discourse out of it.
Regardless of whatever the inspiration/event behind BTTWS may be, whether it's about a loved one or personal, I've long felt that its inclusion on Midnights, an album about things that have kept her up at night, is significant in the feelings it portrays.
For instance, we can be fairly certain that Taylor wasn't actually turning in Scooter B. to the FBI and conspiring with his ex-wife to bring him down (or was she?) in Vigilante Shit, just as we can safely guess that she probably did actually pick up that pebble in Wicklow that reminded her of a peaceful time in Sweet Nothing. The line between fiction/reality, personal vs. narrative matters less on Midnights in this case than the feelings she was expressing in the songs, which are very personal and truthful. The revenge fantasy in Vigilante Shit is her working through her anger over having her masters sold and how she's fought hard to have the last laugh over someone who is a sworn enemy. Sweet Nothing is her reflecting on the dichotomy of her (presumed) quiet home life she felt was safe and the noise of the outside world. (Now, we might speculate on why she was ruminating on this, but that's another story.)
So with that preamble out of the way, BTTWS's inclusion in the tracklist I feel is just as important, again regardless of the inspiration behind it or her personal connection to it. Even if it is a song about someone other than herself, including it as the only "not personal/not diaristic" song on an album as ostensibly self-reflective as Midnights would stick out if that were thecase, though obviously it's her album so she can do whatever she wants and could have her own reasons. (Just like she included Ronan on Red and Soon You'll Get Better on Lover about similar themes, it could just be a tribute to a loved one.) But given all the thematic arcs and parallels on Midnights, I do feel like it's there to include a specific set of feelings being processed, even if the origin on the feelings may or may not be her own. (I'm trying to be really sensitive in my word choices here, hope they make sense.)
BTTWS is a song about loss and grief, and specifically the fallout of an event outside of her/the narrator's control. The person in the song has nothing to turn to to deal with their pain: no faith to guide them, no wisdom to tell them everything will be alright. Throughout the song there is a pervasive sense of isolation: everything is over, they're living without something that was once theirs but suddenly was not. It captures the fog and confusion of living through a painful event without having any way to process. She even says from the start that, "no words appear before me in the aftermath," which for someone like Taylor who has stated over and over how writing is literally how she processes her life would be the ultimate reflection of the depths of her hurt.
(To be clear I do not think this is a song about a breakup whatsoever: IMO it clearly is not about a relationship dissolution of any kind. I just think that the feelings of grief and loneliness in the song may have felt relevant to whatever she was going through during the time the album was coalescing in 2021-22.)
Knowing what we know now about at the very least the period between 2021-2023, Taylor was going through a time of significant difficulty in her life behind the scenes, which is how The Tortured Poets Department came to be, right on the heels of her completing Midnights sometime in early 2022. She has said herself that making TTPD was a lifeline, that she had to keep writing to deal with whatever it was that she was experiencing and going through. And as I posted about earlier today, she's also said repeatedly on tour that not only is writing about her feelings how she processes her pain and loneliness, but that then sharing that music with fans brings her great comfort because it makes her feel less lonely to know people understand and relate to what she's going through.
And we know that she has self-edited her albums over the years (including Midnights) to protect herself and perhaps even the subjects of her songs, which we have seen with the inclusion of the vault/bonus tracks in the re-records and on Midnights. Obviously some of these reasons are logistical -- album was too long, cut songs sounded too much like others, maybe she or her producers felt the ones that were originally chosen were stronger, narrative or sonic cohesion, etc. -- but with what we've seen over the last few years, these songs also filled in the lines of the stories being told and reframed the narrative being told.
Nowhere is that clearer than with You're Losing Me, for example. It's pretty obvious why it was held back: presumably she wouldn't want to release a song about a relationship at its breaking point when she was still actively in the relationship. Yet as soon as the relationship ended, she released it, we can only assume because of her realization that sharing the music and having people respond to it validates her feelings and makes her feel embraced, as it were. Then with the announcement of TTPD and how it's been brewing for essentially the intervening period between when YLM was written and now, we can also surmise that these songs will be dealing with feelings she also felt the need to hold back for whatever reason at the time, but has now decided should be out there so she can feel more whole.
So coming back to BTTWS, it being included on Midnights the way that it was strikes me as a form of sharing feelings that may have been too difficult to process. Again, not implying I have any insight into what the origin of the song is about, or imposing my own beliefs onto her, or that she was sending some sort of secret message with its inclusion! But thematically, BTTWS deals with an intense loss and feeling completely unmoored and alone as a result, which is present in her other work. And that the dreams the narrator once held have gone up in smoke, leaving her reeling about what's to come next. She's cut off from the world because of the event, unable to speak about or grasp what has happened. Similar feelings are also explored in You're Losing Me for instance, and even Dear Reader (not to mention on past albums like evermore, this is me trying, arguably hoax, etc.). Just reading context clues from TTPD and her surprise song choices of late, I don't think it's outrageous to presume some of those emotions are going to be present on the new album as well.
So this is just a long-winded way of saying, I feel like the sense of loss, confusion and uncertainty about the future likely resonated with both what she had gone through in the past, and the story as a whole she was trying to tell on Midnights. And while the origin may or may not be personal or relevant to the new story she's going to tell, I also feel like these same kinds of themes are going to be present on TTPD because they're so important for her to share. (I could even mention that the response to BTTWS may even provide evidence that people sharing their experiences in general brings comfort to those going through it, but that may be veering too far into parasocial "why did Taylor do X" speculative territory.) She sings about these kinds of all-consuming losses so eloquently and mindfully that I know the new album is going to be an absolute gut punch.
(not being self-promotional but I delved a little deeper into the Midnights 3am tracks including this one a few months ago so it's why it's top of mind and why the connections and thematic parallels are so resonant to me lately.)
#sorry i tried to tread very carefully so i hope it still makes sense#i know we all kind of talk around this stuff so I was trying to do the same#while leaving room for interpretation and not getting stuck on the content!#i'm just talking about mood here etc#me thinking too hard about taylor lyrics#writing letters addressed to the fire#midnights#putting it under a cut may have been overkill on my part#but just trying to be mindful of people's dashboards etc#you're losing me#ylm#bttws#bigger than the whole sky#(bttws is a song i have thoughts on but not thoughts about its origin so much as its *metaphorical* (? idk) or perhaps narrative importance#(but it's hard to talk about it without the discussion turning into one about its origin)#(so this is my best attempt to do so)#just clarifying there is no speculation or discussion here just talk about themes#it’s not about the event it’s about the story being told in midnights#cause I know that it's delicate
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