#best part of online reading is your family won't know lol

[nectaric]

GET  TO  KNOW  THE  MUN.

what made you pick up the muse you have? i'll pick a few: zeus was because i was obsessed with greek mythology thanks to percy jackson and other books i had read, but specifically with hades. when i stumbled across a group rp waaay back in the day that seemed cool, i wanted to join but hades wasn't available so i went "i guess i'll give zeus a shot" and the rest was history. i added athena bc i watched age of ultron for the first time, saw lizzie olsen and went "THAT'S ATHENA!!" i added demeter bc there were no active dem's at the time and i missed her :(

is there anything you don't like to write? there is very little i won't write, i think, under the right circumstances. i find super mundane stuff boring after a little while, but that doesn't mean i don't like it period. i guess i don't like writing things where my muses feel like punching bags *coughszeuscoughs* but i mean otherwise, i'm game for most things!

is there anything you really enjoy writing? FAMILY DYNAMICS are like. my number one. i love dads getting to bond with their kids. i love sibling shenanigans. i love family taking care of each other, i love family arguing, i love family opening up about their pasts and painful experiences. i. love. family dynamics so much, FOUND or otherwise! i'm also a fan of intense angst situations, too.

how do you come up with your headcanons? pure vibes, man. once i really get a feel for a character as i write them, the headcanons kinda just write themselves. some of my more in depth ones come from a lot of thought and speculation, usually done by talking to myself in my room lol, but i really just... imagine them up. sometimes it comes from talking with others, but that's slightly rarer.

do you write in silence or listen to music? usually without music, unless i actually have a space to myself and can throw on some instrumental stuff. but yeah, its usually just with the ambient sounds and chatter of my house.

do you plan your replies or wing them? sometimes i plan them when i first read them because i have a good idea, but for the most part, i wing it when i get to them.

do you enjoy shipping? for the most part, yeah. i can sometimes find shipping a little... repetitive. so i really do need a strong connection between muses and some exciting stuff to throw in to keep it interesting. i much prefer platonic / familial ships, but i do love a good romantic one, too!

what's your alias / name? renee! which is just my middle name but its a vibe, i like it better than my real name.

zodiac sign? aquarius babyyyyy!

birthday? it was back in feb

favorite color? i am such a sucker for green rn, in all shades, but i also really like baby blue n yellow.

favorite song? i think rn its superstar by lilyisthatyou

last movie you watched? MOVIE? i think it was barbie actually

last show you watched? sword art online kdjfhnd

last song you listened to? life itself by glass animals

favorite food? oh my GODDDDD okay listen up. my favourite food ever is a very specific taco from a tiny hole in the wall shop in san jose iturbide, mexico. its a chorizo taco con cebollas and some salsa verde and i DREAM OF THOSE TACOS. i ate those like four times a week for four months. they're incredible.

favorite season? i'm an autumn girlie at my heart, but canada rarely lets me have a NICE autumn :((

do you have a tumblr best friend? @aetheryic is my literal bestie of like 11 years or something and was the one who ran the group rp where i discovered my love of zeus so :///

tagging: all of you!

[golbrocklovely]

Random question,

Were you homeschooled? If you were, I have literally no socialization when it comes to people besides family. My mental health is rotting, I'm extremely emotionally sensitive, and I feel I really need friends, like it just feels like it would help alot.

What do you think?

i was only homeschooled for 8th grade, but i do get the sentiment of not knowing how to make friends. i used to have a big friend group that i've since lost bc back in 2020 my best friend of 10 years (and basically my life line to that group) decided she didn't want to be friends with me anymore bc her life was too stressful and she figured she was a shit friend anyway so she should cut me loose (along with a mirade of other things that went on that she blamed it on). so, i haven't had a core group of friends in a long time and i struggle to connect with ppl.

i will say, your best bet - at least at first - is to try to make friends online based on things/fandoms you are a part of. i have my couple friends on here, and even tho we almost exclusively talk about snc related shit, i still count them as my closest friends. and it's nice to be able to talk to them about that stuff.

and as for in real life stuff you can do to make friends, idk how old you are, but try to see if there are any local groups or events you can join in your area. see if there is a book group at your local library, see if there are any classes at a community center you can take. hell, even getting a job where some of the ppl in that place are the same age as you is good starting point as well. when you are in forced proximity with ppl, you tend to befriend others more often. that's why a lot of us were even able to have friends in school.

try to go into everything with an open mind. and genuinely remember that 99% of ppl are a, in the same boat as you (confused and don't know what to do next) and b, aren't trying to hurt your feelings. most ppl are nice. of course there are assholes, but try not to let ppl like that bring you down. and gentle reminder, you most likely are not as awkward as you feel. and i know that from personal experience lol

also, my biggest recommendation is working on yourself as well and learning to become your own best friend. i know that's very cliche and silly to say, but highkey one of the best choices i ever made was learning to cut myself some slack and start being nice to myself. if you can afford it, consider therapy. but i know that's not always an option for ppl (even myself). try to do some introspection on who you are, the obstacles you've gone thru and overcame, and do your best to be nice to yourself. i'm telling you, when you start to actually like yourself and give yourself a break, especially on the things you had no control over in the first place, life starts to feel a lot less harder to deal with.

even if your first step is to start reading self help books - do that. write out your feelings more, explore why you act the way you do and if that's something you want to change. set goals that are reasonable, put pride into yourself. treat yourself like you would someone you are friends with. think of yourself as someone worthy of love, bc you are.

but let it be known that this will not happen overnight. i wish it did, but it took me YEARS, i truly mean years, to finally start liking myself and having any resemblance of confidence. it will not happen in one go. you have to be consistent and constantly working on yourself. and i know that can be difficult. but in the long run it will do wonders for yourself.

i wish i had all the answers for you, and i wish i knew the best course for you to take. and i wish you all the luck in the world. i truly believe you will make friends and start a great path on your mental health journey. it won't be easy, and it will take a lot of time, but it's worth it bc you deserve that. you deserve happiness <3

[rileys-battlecats]

hey! i recently found your youtube, then your tumblr, and have become embroiled in your cats world! i saw your recent post that your blog is only about a year old?? thats insane! do you have any tips on how to get people interested in your worldbuilding? and to get over being scared to share anything? i often dont share things because it never even occurs to me that others would be interested. do you have any thoughts on all this? what you're making seems like so much fun and I want to play in the space similarly, so to speak! anyway, really excited to see more from you--thank you for sharing!

bro i am still baffled that people wanna know more about my little kitty-cat characters. I don't really know how to get other people interested, cause im not sure what I did to get here lol!!

I started this blog after "The Garden" took off and people were asking about character references. And since I was open to people asking questions, and tried answering them in an engaging way, things kinda picked up from there! I already had a lot of worldbuilding ideas mushed in my brain so this blog kinda became an outlet for all that. I put my tumblr in my youtube bio and in my video's descriptions and then people started showing up haha! I was also lucky to have a few people who regularly asked questions about the world and the characters, which I think encouraged other people to ask their own questions. If you look at my earliest posts, they're all just character references with little descriptions of their characters, and it slowly turns into more and more answered questions that devolve into an info dump of worldbuilding or character details lol. I've tried to keep a semblance of mystery to the story while also giving the people here an inside look at the characters and world! People get to be a part of the storytelling, because they can send in their ideas or interpretations of events and we can expand on them together as a community!

As for getting over the fear of sharing, it honestly helps me that this is all online and I don't have to look at anyone's face to explain things lol. Trying to explain the story to my family when they ask about it is SO hard for me; I feel ridiculous when I try talking about it out loud to them, I always feel the need to downplay the topics I'm covering when I do. Which I recognize is a symptom of people making fun of my interests as a kid so now I'm incapable of talking about them as an adult BUT we don't need those bad vibes rn. The way I see it, the blog exists and if someone is interested, they'll look at what I'm posting! If they aren't interested, they won't look! So even if I post something and it gets no engagement, it's still there if anyone is interested enough to read.

On the whole, I think the secret to having success here is to be smiled upon by the youtube algorithm gods tbh!! I definitely would not have the community I have without that engagement from youtube lol. I was definitely lucky!! Part of it is because I've created an interesting story with interesting characters (at least, I hope they're interesting HAHA) but I think it would be disingenuous to not make a note of how much luck plays into online 'success'. So my only real advice would be to start creating! Try to make things that would interest you, things that you have fun working on, and hopefully people will find it! If you want to try to find a community to springboard off of, I know the folks in my discord are super nice and supportive with other people sharing their ocs :)

Thanks so much for the interesting question!! I hope it's helpful, I'm sorry I don't have much in the way of concrete advice ^^;; it's really been such an awesome experience to be able to share my ideas with everybody here, I wish you the best of luck in your own future projects!!

[enchantedchocolatebars]

The very kind and very talented @queenspinoodle tagged me in this writing game! 💖 ✏️ 💕 ✍️ 💟 (THANK U!!!)

1. What motivates you to write?

My love for writing does! ❤️ ✏️ As a writer, I have stories to tell and headcanons to share. I wanna make myself happy with them! Also, the works of others motivate me too. Whenever I see a really good fic or writing piece online, I go, "Wow, what this person wrote was SO amazing that I want to write my own amazing thing!"

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud of; if not, share a line from someone else's work that you love (just make sure to give credit

Not only am I gonna share a snippet, I'm also gonna explain why I'm so proud of it.

Here it is:

... Brown eyes begin to sparkle at that fact. Caleb had no idea! He casts a smile down at his mother’s stomach, giving it a light pat.

“I’m so glad God decided to gift you to us, Philip,” Caleb “speaks” to his little brother.

The corners of his mouth soften.

“I can’t wait to see you.”

This is from the short, canon divergent story I wrote titled "A New Addition".

In this scene, a (I'll say 5 since I didn't state his age in the story, but you can tell he's a small child) year old Caleb has just been told by his mother where baby's come from. Heaven! They're gifts from gods (her words).

The reason I'm so proud of this piece is because I love how sweet and sincere I made Little Caleb at the end. He's just so grateful that God gave Philip as a gift to him and his family and he can't wait to see / meet him. 🥹

It shows how Caleb has always loved Philip (even in his unborn baby state).

3. Which OC makes you smile when you think/talk about them and what are they like?

Uh, CLARA EVELYN CLAWTHORNE !!! 💞 🫶🥹 💕

I LOVE HER SO MUCH (SO DOES HER BIRDIE AND HUSBAND)! 💓 💓 💓

She's a hyperactive, carefree witch who's fun-loving and adventurous. She's also very kind and caring.

4. Which process of writing do you enjoy the most?

Coming up with ideas and writing them down.

5. Which part of writing do you think you're best at? (Stroke your own ego, it's okay)

I think I'm best at making my audience have a good time! My writing, for the most part, is always fun and exciting. You'll never be bored when you read my stuff.

6. What is something in the writeblr community that is most enjoyable?

THE POSITIVITY POSTS THAT PEOPLE MAKE!!! I LOVE REBLOGGING THEM!!! I love how uplifting they are. Whenever I'm feeling down about my work, I go back to read them. They kinda inspire me to maybe make my own writer positivity blog. Maybe one day.😌

7. A writing tool/device that helps you with writing (i.e. text-to-speech, a program, etc...)

THE GOOGLES.

8. A piece of world-building that you like in your own story (it could be the magic system, a particular place, a law, etc...)

I don't really create my own worlds, but I do like adding a sense of cartooniness / cartoon logic to existing ones lol.

9. What piece of advice would you give to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

No matter what. <3 I know I won't. 😋

10. Tag some people whose work you love/ have been your biggest supporters

Easy:

@queenspinoodle

@princessrainbowpastel

@elusive---ivory

@angelcloves

@ren-c-leyn

@nightsoulvixen (I'm not sure if you write Roya, but you're always supporting me and I ❤️ you for that. <3)

[purplesurveys]

1786

How frequently are you inclined to read, and how much? Pretty often but it's just never novels, or anything fiction really. I try to get an article or essay in at least once a week since it's only through reading that I get to pick up new styles or vocab for my own writing.

When was the last time you questioned the direction your life was taking? I'm kind of going through that since I have been feeling caught in the middle in my job for a while now. My promotions have all happened at such a rapid pace and a part of me wants to appreciate all these opportunities and of course all the raises lol; but on the other hand I am also extremely well-aware of my objective incapabilities of being a leader, and now that I've technically made my way to the top I can't help but think 1) someone else would be a much better fit in this role I'm in, and 2) if there are other jobs out there where I can go back to being a follower.

I guess this is 25?

What small things have the ability to get under your skin? When people are slow, and it applies to just about everything. Drivers who take too long to change lanes, people who choose what to order while it's their turn instead of staying at the side to pick, when I'm part of a bigger group and they want to take a group photo and for some reason the blocking/formation takes forever to arrange... all these things really drain my battery for patience I'm afraid, lol.

When was the last time you were caused to be upset with someone? I was just the teeniest tiniest wee bit upset with my cousin last night for using my car outside of the main reason I lent my car to him in the first place. Long story short, he drove it for errands when my car suddenly went through a hiccup and wouldn't start and he called us in a panic because now he was stuck in front of a drugstore on Christmas eve with a car that won't start. It made my family have to adjust and slightly delay our dinner plans since we had to drive to him and jumpstart the car. It was honestly a hassle lol, especially on Christmas eve, but at the end of the day I still mostly felt bad for him since it must've been scary being stuck at the highway with a hiccup-y car that wasn't even his.

What is something small that has the ability to cure a bad mood? When I check on my dogs for comfort during said bad mood and they immediately hand over their toys to play fetch.

What beverage is best capable of quenching your thirst? Cold water.

What was the last big change through which you went? Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always? The last big change(s): A massive work promotion, my two superiors simultaneously resigning, and the onboarding of a new business director under my unit (aka my new superior) who happens to have no prior knowledge or experience of PR.

The adjustments have been heavy and real and I'm going through the difficult process of accepting the fact that at this point I'll have to hand-hold both my teammates and the new superior. It's like playing a human tug of war and I'm the rope, haha.

No, I typically don't deal well with change. I like having structure and while I have learned to professionally adjust to PR being a change-heavy line of work, I still ultimately find comfort in routine. That's why Bea and Trina resigning has pretty much shaken my world and I'm still struggling to keep my head above water.

How do you feel after spending a great quantity of time online? I feel a bit inadequate, almost pathetic lol. When I reach that point I automatically put my phone down, leave it in my room, then find something else to do for a few hours.

What do you consider to be the biggest drawback to being you? Just the fact that I feel like the sun is setting with my time in my current company, but at the same time I also still don't really know where to head next. Feeling directionless in that regard has been more frustrating than I ever thought it would be.

What do you consider the best part of being who you are? I'm resilient, and, apparently, capable.

What kinds of things do you have on display in your room? I had my room completely remodeled a year ago so that it allows me to display all my BTS merch. Right now though we're right smack in the middle of the holidays, so I currently have a ton of paper bags with gifts that I'm not quite sure how to display around my room yet.

What do you think your room and its contents say about you, if anything? It says I am a K-pop fan who is willing to spend money on anything and everything related to her favorite group.

When was the last time you felt insecure about something/some situation? Currently.

Do you ever stop to contemplate infinity? Sure. Mostly about the universe – how big it can possibly be, how many other planets are out there, how many other livable planets are out there, who else in this giant ass map is living in this timeline, etc.

Are you comfortable amongst nature, or does the wilderness discomfort you? It depends, but I'm in the belief that if there's even just one thing that bugs me about nature then I don't really get to say that I'm comfortable in it – if that makes sense? Hahaha. That said there are a couple of things that I don't really like, like the mosquitoes, the no electricity and spotty cell signal... being in nature is great as a staycation, but I don't think I can live in it altogether.

When was the last time someone or something caught you off guard? Last night. The priest's Christmas homily was SO short I was dying trying not to laugh when I realized he was done within like 4 minutes and the commentator was already signaling for us to stand up so we can proceed to the next part of the service. I felt like the grand winner of the night HAHAHAHA

How much time do you put into maintaining your appearance and hygiene? Continued from last night. It's definitely less than average in that I'm not interested in makeup, use skincare stuff, or book appointments for my nails or whatever. But I also certainly don't neglect myself – it's just that I prefer really only going with the bare essentials; like when I go out I make sure my hair is tied properly or that my outfit's colors match and such.

Are there any foods you eat daily? Or wish you could? Rice.

When was the last time someone new entered your life? What was your first impression of that individual? My cousin's boyfriend. He's very friendly and we were able to bond pretty quickly because apparently he works in the ASC. Makes a mean gin and juice tower too.

Do you put much thought into your handwriting? I guess so. If I'm writing something and am not happy with how my penmanship turned out, I usually wouldn't hesitate to give it a second attempt (or third, or fourth...) until I'm finally satisfied.

What are some of the top priorities in your life right now? Getting settled in my new role, especially now that Bea has legit legit resigned and will be stepping out effective January 1st. And figuring out where to go next career-wise because I don't plan on staying long in said new role.

In general, how do you feel about romantic relationships? I wish it could be more normalized that it's not always for everyone. People my age get so bugged when they get asked when they plan on getting married or having kids, but they should also realize that they also get as intrusive when they ask me why I'm not dating or why I don't like dating or being in a relationship.

Which emotional sensation inconveniences or bothers you the most? Probably the anxiety/restlessness I get when I send an urgent message and the other person takes forever to respond. When that happens I put my phone away first and try to distract myself by doing something else – and while it mildly helps, it also doesn't completely take out the anxiety until they reply.

Are you capable of consoling others in their grief? No, and I'm not the type of person to actively console someone in grief because you never really know what they need at the moment; and from my own experiences, people usually want to be left alone. For the most part I leave a message for them and kinda just be on standby in case they want to talk.

Do you ever find it awkward to compliment another being? No, I quite like giving compliments. It's me who isn't so big on receiving them because I never know how to react, lol.

When was the last time you had a new experience? What was it? Last week at our Christmas party when I was a runner-up for best costume and had to do a runway pose thing because it was how they were going to determine the winner. I'm a selective extrovert, and performing in front of an audience beyond public speaking is NOT a comfortable situation for me haha. That said I bombed it on purpose so they can pick a winner and I can get out of the stage ASAP.

Do you dress more for yourself, or to the expectations of others? I wear what I like but I also make sure it's presentable for everyone else.

What kinds of things tend to stress you out? They're all work-related things. Outside of that, I guess unexpected emergencies? I don't exactly deal with them well; like if my car suddenly won't start I will 100% panic and call for someone to ask if they can come for me.

What is one way you cope when you feel like crap? YouTube YouTube YouTube all the way.

Name an insult you regularly receive, if there is one? Fortunately I am not insulted on the regular, at least not anymore.

Name a site that takes up a lot of your time Reddit.

What is something you used to believe about life that you no longer do? That I can keep throwing myself into work until the day I retire and easily ignore the stress because as long as I'm earning money I will be happy. That was me in college and it's the most naive I've been.

What is a lesson you have recently learned? Book Christmas Eve delivery reservations in advance.

Do you have a tendency to look on the morbid side of life? Eh, sometimes.

When was the last time you went shopping? What did you buy? I went on a final gift shopping run the day before Christmas Eve for my aunt who went home as a surprise + Angela's parents. For my aunt I got her a handful of silver earrings, then for Anj's parents I bought a bunch of nuts because apparently they're obsessed with them these days hahaha.

When you shop for clothing, how long does it take you? Give me an hour at most, especially if I had nothing specifically planned to get.

What is something fun you have done within the past week? Bonded with my cousins from my dad's side for the first time.

What is something you hope you never have to do again? Be a finalist for costume contests and have to pose and do bits for the audience.

How does the rain affect your mood, if it does? It relaxes me.

[papenathys]

hello !! i love your blog so much !!

i'm an nri living in the us and i was wondering if you had any resources that would help me better understand the rise of hindu nationalism in india? my only understanding of indian politics right now is from my mom's pro-modi/bjp and right-wing news outlets and i'm not sure where i can get started in learning about it from outside of that perspective. /: if it's not too much trouble, anything would help!

thank you so much!! have a great day/night!

I am so happy you enjoy my content! thank you sm 💜 as for the rest, well, that's definitely a complicated situation, and one imo many desi youth can relate to. one of my most proactive friends comes from a family of right-wing sympathizers who still don't know about her activism on campus.

hindu nationalism is a topic that makes you wince even when googling or doing research. just.....the whole premise of it is uncomfortable in many respects. but it's also necessary to learn about it, given our current scenario, and how easily media manipulates narratives. I tried to put together some books and articles that may help:

The Virtual Hindu Rashtra: Saffron Nationalism and New Media by Rohit Chopra*: I found this book immensely readable and well written. It delves into how Hindu nationalism rose as a direct consequence of the post independence Nehruvian model of Indian identity, and how this brand of nationalism gained popularity by presenting itself as an identity-based mode of unification (in the vein of lgbtqa/bahujan movements).

The Saffron Tide by Kingshuk Nag*: biography of the BJP. I'm putting it on the list as you asked for non biased resources, but it doesn't really touch upon sanghi tactics so read it for an introduction only.

Hindu Nationalism in India and the Politics of Fear by Dibyesh Anand*: Anand is a prominent figure in the field of Indian political academia who specialises in dissecting Indian right-wing nationalism, and I recommend checking out his other articles and books too. In Hindu Nationalism he talks of the way this political movement was built on implicitly ingrained Islamophobia and how it derives power from the narratives of fear and otherness.

The BJP in Power: Indian Democracy and Religious Nationalism by Milan Vaishav: the most comprehensive text on this list to understand the full scope of Hindu Nationalism, complete with political, economic, historical and socio-cultural context. As far as I know, the entire text is available to download as PDF online (free).

Beef, Brahmins and Broken Men: An Annotated Critical Selection from The Untouchables by BR Ambedkar*: for any Indian history book rec list, I must suggest Ambedkar, one of my personal favourite Indian leaders and imho one of the greatest thinkers. This one is an older work than the others listed here but it is forever relevant, foregrounded in resistance against the supremacy politics of Brahminical patriarchy. He talks about Hindu nationalism from the perspective of the Dalits (who are to this day a victim of oppressive hindutva in our country). Oh, also the introduction to this edition is penned by another great activist, Kancha Ilaiah.

Hindu Nationalism and the (Not So Easy) Art of being Outraged by Christophe Jaffrelot: interesting research paper about how religion, myth and self righteous anger have been weaponized by the right wing. A good read if you, like many of us, are baffled by the whole Ram Rajya/ Tejo Mahalaya bs. Full text available to download online (from Open Edition Journals).

(* available for download on libgen)

Hope these were useful!

[cursedcola]

Synopsis: Years have passed since your homecoming to Earth. Your 'time' concluded and farewell inevitable at the hands of fate. After concluding their years at NRC, Wonderland's finest take it upon themselves to transcend dimensions and find the person who left without so much as a farewell. The catch is, they have no idea where you are, what this universe is like, and have to make a life for themselves in the meantime. How would they adapt to life on earth? Characters: Everyone. Mix of Sentient AU! and Modern AU! Warnings: None lol. This is for my own enjoyment! Part(s): Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde, and Diasmonia You are here!: Scarabia! Disclaimer: I did a bit of research on brazilin culture, geography, etc. for this! I have not been to Brazil, and did my best to read up in order to develop a basic level of understanding for my writing. If anything is wrong or inaccurate, please let me know! I will likely be doing research for the rest of these posts as well.

Nothing could have prepared the students of NRC for what lied beyond the mirror. A world unlike any of them ever known with magic being virtually non-existent ( or so it appears to the general public). With nothing but the clothes on their backs, falsified basic identification, personal items, and the small bits of knowledge gathered from you; these young adults have one mission - find the dimension hopping prefect, and try to stay out of prison. It was time to split up, cover as much ground as possible, and make a life in this unfamiliar reality.

Let us see how these fresh minds conform to 'Life on Earth' !

Scarabia Residence: Brazil

Kalim Al-Asim

Location: Brasilia, Brasil.

Kalim is living in the lap of luxury. He owns a four-bedroom condo in the heart of Brazil's capital and it is nothing to turn a blind eye towards. Each room is decorated to the nines with each statement piece picked out by Kalim himself on whim. Some are specially imported (he has a tiny online shopping addiction) and others are items he instantly took to when shopping the street markets.

The place is decorated like an everlasting sunset. Jewel-encrusted tapestries hang from every wall, and the windows are stained-glass which carry a beautiful glow into the open-layout of the condo. It is most definetly a pent-house so the view is spectacular. He has anything one could ever want, from a velvet couch, marble fireplace, all the way to a refrigerator with more functions than you can think of. Not to mention the golden chandelier hanging in the dining area, yeesh

Now one has to wonder, where does Kalim get the money for all of this?

Occupation: Stock Trade and Entrepreneur

Kalim has succeeded in what every freshmen studying buisness has dreamed of at least once. The man has money, and he makes it in his sleep. Literally.

When Kalim arrived on earth he did so with a large sum of money in his bag. Enough to sustain himself and Jamil for three lifetimes. He wanted enough money to travel everywhere, and spoil you rotten. He was going to buy anything you could ever want, and then buy more. All to bring it back home so you will not have any reason to come back. (and if you had family? Friends? He was going to show them that you were in good care, and leave them with enough money that you won't worry about their well-being after leaving. Everything was going to be taken care of.)

But then he got word of the stock market. If there is one thing Kalim knows it is money and he easily climbed that corporate chain. At first it was for fun, but as time went on he somehow became one of the most respected people in the world. Since he started off with so much, it only grew and he began putting the assets into funding charities, research, and other causes that he believed in. Not only was he respected, but his goodhearted nature earned him many friends. Especially since he has a knack Jamil to tell if someone has good intentions or not.

Kalim took to brazilin culture very quickly. He himself is a very lively and passionate person so it was not difficult to adjust to that type of life. He often goes "under-cover," in horribly obvious disguises when there are festivals or celebrations that he wants to attend.

This sunshine can dance, let me tell ya. He can shake it 'till the crack of dawn and still keep going. Like a kid, he'll stop quickly to shovel some food down his throat (that Jamil packed for him because Kalim is Kalim) and then he'll be right back at it.

Obviously, everyone knows that it's him. A few glasses of wine and he's stripping off his disguise to have more freedom. Honestly? It gives Jamil a headache because someone out there could kidnap him and then Kalim would be screwed. Even in this life Jamil has to act as his babysitter.

Though...is it too optimistic to say that this would never happen? At least in the homely local areas that Kalim frequents? I am dead serious when I say that he'll go to the market and buy out a few stalls of their supplies that day. Or at least half of it. Just so he can contribute to the community's economy. If he doesn't need what he bought (say he purchased a ton of food) then he donates it to the homeless, etc.

He is safer in those areas than his own home and knows it. Which is probably why he's so willing to let loose.

Moving on, Kalim dresses just as extravagantly as he lives. Silk is his best friend, and he loves jewelry. Loves, loves, loves it. If it glitters, it is Kalim's.

He owns a bedazzle gun. Enough said.

He loves the sports on earth as well. Especially (soccer/football). He loves how passionate people can get over their teams, and gets absolutely hyped when throwing a viewing party. He'll invite anyone willing to come watch the game with him (and gets Jamil's seal of approval to be in their home)

The people would expect a man of this caliber to be taken, yet the media can't catch wind of a single partner. Not even a one-night stand. He never has arm-candy when attending events, and every attempt at flirting with him is a surefire failure

Why is this? Because he is looking for someone very special. He says this to the press every. single. time. and they have no choice but to believe him because there is no hidden agenda to be found

All he has is a name, and a description of emotions and memories that are too vague to put to a face. Any normal person would think him delusional-

Except for anyone that catches him off the camera. Those days when he's danced his feet into the ground, drank enough to fog his brain, and is pouring his heart out to whatever band is unfortunate enough to have been playing that night. Eventually Jamil will drag him home, and he'll go to bed crying over the mysterious person no one seems to know

Jamil Viper

Location: Brasilia, Brazil

And they were roommates

Jamil lives in Kalim's extravagant condo. Why would he go waste money renting somewhere else when he has babysitting duty 24/7? If he didn't live with Kalim, then who knows what state the place would be in. Jamil cooks, cleans, and essentially does everything for the house. He's the one stuck answering the buzzer for all of Kalim's late-night spending spree deliveries. Not only that, but he is on bouncer duty and performing background checks on everyone going in and out.

Kalim sweetie please cut this man some slack. He needs a bReAk

In all honesty, he dislikes the way Kalim has decorated the place. It is all very pretty but extremely unnecessary. He does not trust hiring a maid simply from how fragile everything is. Kalim tries often to buy Jamil decorations for his bedroom, and Jamil declines every time.

His bedroom is spacious enough to double as a living area. He also has his own personal washroom. The space is full of cool tones. Black, grey, golden yellow, and touches of burgundy. A complete contrast to the rest of the condo. He has multiple bookshelves aligning the walls, a corner dedicated to exercise equipment, a queen-sized bed with many quilts and decorative pillows, and a loveseat. There is always incense burning in his room and he has a large, "No Kalim Allowed," sign hanging outside of his door

Why? Because Jamil has taken to collecting weapons :)

He has many defense weapons hidden throughout his room. From needles, to daggers, to poisons, etc. His room is the storehouse for all of the condo's defense mechanisms. Jamil has also placed extra security cameras in the public living spaces and outside the door. Just to be safe.

Occupation: Administrative Assistant

Jamil is Kalim's assistant. He handles most of the paperwork, scheduling, etc. when it comes to their little buisness. He has no reason to find work elsewhere, right?

No. Jamil actually runs a traveling food stall. Depending on where the duo is, he'll manage to obtain permission to open up a stall in the local area for the duration of their visit. He'll serve renditions of food from his homeland, as well as spins on the local cuisine. One thing Jamil loves about earth is the new flavors and spices that he gets to work with when cooking!

The stall gives him the opportunity to talk with locals, and keep an eye on Kalim while doing so. How else is he supposed to make sure Kalim makes it home while still staying productive?

He also gets to ask questions. Like a random survey, as people wait for their food to cook he'll make idle chatter about recent gossip. He'll always slip in questions that may lead to your whereabouts, asking if there are any (Y/N)'s in the area etc.

In truth, he hopes one day you'll miraculously turn up. Either recognizing him or being drawn in by the scent of his cooking.

Another thing Jamil loves is the music. If Kalim can shake his fanny, then Jamil can pick up routines as easy as breathing! He likes to get a feel for the culture, and lives a small 'double life' where he gets to have fun.

Man can Samba. His hips do not lie. Shakira, Shakira

Something screams at this man when it comes to fashion. Like Kalim, he likes to go a bit extra. He simply goes in the opposite direction of Kalim and takes to street-fashion. He picks up pieces as he sees them, and files through local businesses like it's no one's buisness.

He is also one of those people who collects sneakers. He has some for fashion, but mainly likes to have many pairs for dancing and travel. He likes to hike, and the hot weather does not bother him one bit.

When traveling, Jamil picks up two mementos from each place he visits. One is for his sister, and the other is for you. This is another reason why Kalim is not allowed in his room. He has them tucked away somewhere safe, but since he constantly lectures his friend on being more frugal it would not be good if he saw the growing stash. It started off with small trinkets here and there, but now the pile is massive.

Jamil is excited to show it to you. He wants to demonstrate just how far his search has taken him, and how much of a pain in the ass it was to find you.

Yet, his chest grows cold every time he tosses a new item in with the collection. It's a reminder of his failure, and how another day has passed without you by his side.

[lickmeleclerc]

While I agree with the other anon, I disagree with the giada part. It's funny how people say Charles was young and made a mistake but Giada is not classy or has some misogyny bs.

Giada was the victim and she was the heart and betrayed and way more by Charlotte(who btw might've just used her to get close to Charles) than Charles. Like there's heartbreak and then there's being cheated on(there was definitely some overlap even if it's not physical) and betrayed by the two closest and prob most important to you, like your best friend. Wtf!?

Not gonna lie and not even gonna pretend that I wouldn't have my worst moments. I would hate them too and probably say or do stuff that I might regret(probably won't tho). Was she wrong for slut shaming(which I guess her family did, if I read that right..?)) Yes. But can I say I wouldn't do some things when I am that heartbroken and betrayed. I know I would.

It's a little ridiculous to expect all class from some who was the victim. And from what I've always heard(always) these were the only moment she had which were in the starting. She literally said they didn't cheat when frankly she didn't have to, literally no one believes they didn't.

The way they treated her and the way they went about everything especially in public(shameless btw, the least they could've done was keep it private, especially Charlotte), her reaction was honestly was way better than most people.

Just gotta get it off my chest lol, she was wrong but saying the stuff the anon said just wasn't right.

i can understand that. i feel like being heartbroken and loosing two people in your life that fast takes a huge toll. i can understand making a mistake & letting emotions control situation & in turn saying things online you’re not proud of. i don’t think it leads to misogyny and other labels given to her. i did hear too that Charlotte and Giada were not besties tho but just in the same friend circle, which does not lesson the pain any but just something i heard.

[nateslehky]

1-8 for the deep fic writers ask >:)

yue 😭😭😭 <3

1. what's the fic you're most proud of?

my maroon fic, probably. i worked really hard on that one and it was a little out of my comfort zone. i read it (or at least what i had written for it) before bed basically every night for a month before i published it (but haven't read it since 😅).

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

tbh i haven't really explored any darker themes. the 'angstiest' thing i've written is the maroon fic and even that i don't think is really that angsty. i really admire writers that can effectively craft works with darker themes in a compelling and nuanced way because it's definitely something i'm not naturally inclined to write. maybe one day.

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to?

....all of them? lol. maroon fic for sure. my longer natelehky wip too because it was my first real foray into hrpf. it still holds a really special place in my heart, which is part of why i haven't finished it. i'm scared i won't be able to do it justice, i think.

4. what fic of your own do you read for comfort?

for a while it was my cribbage fic! i really liked writing cale's pov for that and i think the story came across the way i wanted, if that makes sense? rn though any of my little established relationship one shots! they're relatively quick and easy for me to write and meant to be quick and easy to read :)

5. what fic of your own won't you read?

my maroon fic 😭😭😭. i think i put so much work into it and had so many expectations for myself for it that i'm afraid if i'll read it again that i won't think it's good or something?? idk it's silly and stupid and i've gotta get over it but yeah.

6. what's the hardest part of the writing process for you?

long answer here. short answer: endings.

7. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

long answer here. short answer: it can put me in a funk sometimes but for the most part i'm grateful for every interaction ever <3

8. does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

depends on how i define 'personal' i guess. i have a lot of online-friends-turned-real friends from twitter, most of whom know i write fic. then my best friend irl also knows. my family does not and i will not be telling them (i probably would if i wasn't writing rpf but having the whole rpf discussion with my fam sounds horrendous lmfao).

[byliever]

Tbh, I kinda want you to answer all 20 questions 🤪 fellow writer always fascinate me

This has been sitting in my inbox for a while lmao

TJ, I love you, but there is no way in hell I'm answering every question. That's a LOT.

So, here's how I'll do this: I'll use an online random number generator to choose seven (cuz Byler) at random.

Let's begin.

What's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place? (#2)

I've had a couple. I've already talked about Snapshots in another ask. Desiderium was another. I wrote it and posted it on my dad's birthday, and so a lot of Mike's feelings and struggles with grieving Ted in that fic was self-projection (as are most of my fics lol). I even gave Ted the same birthday as him.

What fic are you emotionally attached to? (#3)

That's like asking a parent to choose their favorite child lmao. When you create something, you leave a piece of yourself behind in it. That's why there's so much you can tell about a person based on their creations.

Choosing one is physically painful lol

But if I had to choose one...

Orientation. It's the fic I wrote for Mike's birthday (which is also mine. How cool is that?!), so it's very Mike-focused. It's also marked by two significant (to me) "firsts."

It's the first time I included an appearance by Hopper, my favorite of the adult characters. I was so anxious to write him. What if I messed it up??!! But I seemed to have done an okay job, based on peoples' reactions.

It was also the first time I fully acknowledged to myself that if I wanted to continue telling the stories I wanted to tell, I had to alter canon. Up until Orientation, I had always had the thought in my mind that, in order for this to continue, I had to make a decision when it came to how I dealt with the ramifications of Season 3, namely the Byers moving and Hopper's "death".

So I just decided to say, "to hell with that." So, Hopper didn't "die" and the Byers didn't move. The Battle of Starcourt is still a pivotal event, trust me, without having the effect of essentially tearing the group asunder.

Orientation was the first time I dived into the directly post-Season 3 era, and I'm happy with it.

What fic of your own won't you read? (#5)

Ghosts. It's my second story and it's an absolute piece of shit. If I could delete one of my stories, it would be that one. I keep it up to remind myself of what happens when I try to work myself past burnout.

If you feel like suffering through an absolute literary abomination, give it a glance over.

What’s the best engagement/interaction/feedback you’ve received from someone who’s read your work? (#17)

I love and adore and want to frame every comment I ever get on a story. Every time someone goes out of their way to say that they liked a certain part or that reading a fic brightened up their day, I feel extremely happy.

I received an anonymous ask a while back from someone who told me that they were in a dark place and were feeling down that night, so they decided to read a couple of my stories, which made them feel a lot better.

That's the type of interactions I love. Writing my fics have gotten me through some really bad times, so if reading stuff I made helps someone through a struggle, that's the highest compliment.

Does anyone in your personal life know you write fics? if not, would you tell anyone? (#8)

Outside my family, nobody knows I write fics. By family, I mean my younger sister and my mother. Of the two of them, only my sister knows that it's specifically Byler fanfiction that I write, and neither of them have read any of my stories (and if I have anything to say about it, they never will lol).

What fic of your own do you read for comfort? (#4)

Rainbows and Revelations. That fic is pretty much pure fluff from start to finish, and it holds a very special place in my heart.

If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include? (#19)

See, this is an interesting question for me, but at the same time, I feel like it doesn't really apply to me.

All of the stories I've written are "ideal fics" for me.

That being said, there are two criteria that every fic I've written (and will write) must fit.

1.) It must have a happy ending. Call me a sissy, a sap, whatever. I don't care. I write married Byler. Part of that package is that you're acknowledging that, despite all the shit the characters have gone through or are going through at the moment, eventually, it ends. Eventually, there is peace. These characters do someday get to live out their lives undisturbed by supernatural bullshit. And so I always end on a happy note. I feel like lots of people (myself included) forget it too often, despite the fact that history (which is a collection of stories that remind us who we are) is always reminding us, but I want my stories to illustrate that basic truth: in the end, light/good always triumphs over darkness/evil. It may take a while to get there, but it will happen eventually.

2.) People need to learn something. If nobody is learning something and changing, there's no point to the fic at all. Whether that's Jonas and Maia learning how to word the ideal apology, or Max learning how to open up to and rely on people, somebody has to be learning and changing and growing. There has to be growth.

Whew! That was a lot of typing!

Thanks for the ask, TJ! You're the best!

[punkscowardschampions]

Sick Kids

gotspoons: [A chatroom/forum situation for teens with invisible illnesses/disabilities, a resource that is recommended when you can't go to IRL groups for your health/they aren't in your area etc] gotspoons: Ticked one whole thing off my to-do list today, feeling like a champ 💪 also feeling like a 2-hour long nap, who here relates? 🥱 tigerbalm: 🖐 took my nap earlier & yet 😴💤 brainpain: 💕🛏 brainpain: long lasting relationship with my memory foam mattress gotspoons: There is NO limit on the number of naps necessary to make it through the day tigerbalm: or the number of abandoned to-do lists, what was your 1 thing? gotspoons: 🚿 looks like breakfast will have to wait tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: @brainpain I have so many memory foam pillows in every room of my house I'm basically a shareholder 🙌 brainpain: @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously same but I've got my fave, I call him Edgar tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👏🙏 thank you for your service, Edgar tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: must name mine, only named the chariot 🦼 Charlton gotspoons: [ihatemyguts has entered the chat] gotspoons: A newbie, welcome! tigerbalm: 👋 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: love the username, what ails ya? tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: because this is the only place it's acceptable to ask 'what's WRONG with you?' but not the only place you encounter it, right brainpain: but you don't have to answer cos it's also somewhere where you're encouraged to 'express yourself' translation: be an arsehole if you want brainpain: if you don't go hardcore enough to get blocked brainpain: @fibrofog LMAO tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: the normies get to be rude as their default, and it is NOT encouraged to hit people with your cane, let me tell you ihatemyguts: Hi, everyone ihatemyguts: I'll do my best not to be an arsehole, even if my problem only lie directly above said orifice, which makes it a struggle not to be at times ihatemyguts: UC, first flare totally fucked over the family holiday 😬 sorry to that hotel toilet and my long-suffering parents and brother brainpain: newbie got jokes AND comedy timing ihatemyguts: 🚽 humour isn't all I have, I swear, though my life now does revolve entirely around the porcelain throne so it's no surprise I'm anally expulsive, thanks to Freud for that read tigerbalm: Freud's the perv, am I right? ihatemyguts: Totally ihatemyguts: and a big believer in the cocaine cure-all, which my Doctor just wasn't going for, shame tigerbalm: sounds like my sleazy uncle in every way tigerbalm: why does everybody get one? gotspoons: 😂 This chat is worth keeping my eyes open for gotspoons: every family is a play, and we're destined to be the 'sick kid' part gotspoons: other players react accordingly, from the 'can't look at you without crying' to the 'thinks you're making it up for some reason' brainpain: I vote we all go off script like @fibrofog 🤬🚨👿❗️ ihatemyguts: I guess I'm lucky in the sense that if anyone doubts the legitimacy of my illness, I can offer to show them the contents of my stomach/toilet bowl ihatemyguts: that shuts them up relatively fast, not had to go full 🐒 and throw it at anyone yet ihatemyguts: though I'm intrigued by the infamous @fibrofog, who are they, where, and why the infamy? Fill a girl in brainpain: the myth, the legend brainpain: so angry cos I turned 'em down for a romantic rendezvous ihatemyguts: No way! ihatemyguts: I'm glad that napping isn't the only action the memory foam is getting ihatemyguts: we're just like any other teens, right guys? 💁 tigerbalm: @brainpain you know the rules, fedora pics or it didn't happen! tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: you know what they say about disabled chicks, grateful 😉 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: #dontkillmeladies #iamnotasleazyuncle tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: don't think Mr. Fog was even a legit 🥄 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: total predator tigerbalm: if it was my uncle I'm SO sorry 😂 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: family who piggyback are THE worst tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: no, MY disability doesn't make YOU automatically WOKE for not drowning me in the tub or throwing me off the nearest high place I can access ihatemyguts: Honestly, I've never felt as simultaneously popular and unpopular in my life ihatemyguts: people 💬 a big acceptance game on the socials ihatemyguts: but no one wants to actually hang with the girl who can't eat shit and will spend half her time in the 🚽 gotspoons: Everyone's supportive until your disability gets in the way of THEIR perfect life even slightly gotspoons: imagine if they were one of us 👽 brainpain: speak for yourselves, my slurred speech makes me a hit with all my hard partying peers brainpain: get weird without a 🍹 ihatemyguts: hey man, don't let us drag you down 😎 ihatemyguts: if @fibrofog was feeling you, you're WAY too cool for this chat right now brainpain: never have, never will, baby 😉 brainpain: [inandout has entered the chat] gotspoons: OH MY GOD, that's a whole different story...my parents = you need to socialize more, live life! my parents = I don't know if this group is good for you, we think you're being encouraged to display and give in to even more problems gotspoons: thanks guys, you're literally making me more disabled with your disabledness 😂 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: It is a cult, well-known fact, leave your productiveness to society at the door and let's all lie here and feel sorry for ourselves, doesn't that sound like fun, kids? 😈 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and 👋 sup, inandout, not seen you in a while tigerbalm: my parents act like y'all are catching too! Would you like to cage me like a legit 🐅 or? inandout: baited breath inandout: out living that life like @gotspoons parents want tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: It'll be the Olympics next tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🥇 Hero status with the normies, inspirational, dude inandout: if it'll make adults I've never met proud of me ihatemyguts: I can't believe I've not checked if I'm disabled enough for the paras, oh my God ihatemyguts: are there enough of us for a basketball team? brainpain: if ONLY my former lover were here brainpain: he's gotta be so tall ihatemyguts: Pining for @fibrofog is productive, yeah? ihatemyguts: can pine from my throne just fine brainpain: hands off newbie! I will throw mine brainpain: LOL imagine gotspoons: This group has always had a bias towards too many girls gotspoons: it's almost as if even disabled boys don't wanna talk about their feelings gotspoons: what say you @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously and @inandout? 🤔🤴🤴 inandout: I'd bring friends but you know us CF kids aren't allowed to congregate inandout: and what could I possibly have in common with someone who doesn't share my disease ihatemyguts: So, what is the deal with that, are some of us catching? ihatemyguts: 🐅 parents might have legit concerns inandout: cross infectious but only if you've got what's got me inandout: none of you do so you'll need another reason to turn down hanging out in person tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: my fedora is in the wash? inandout: Fibro could easily say it's my jewishness brainpain: but it's your hunkiness, babe 💪😉 inandout: I'd whistle back at you, Lauren but.... inandout: let's just say you leave me breathless tigerbalm: No names, Zach tigerbalm: it's like a rule ihatemyguts: uh-oh ihatemyguts: if you had a name, Tiger, in theory, like ihatemyguts: 🧐 tigerbalm: Robyn ihatemyguts: Pretty, you others may as well just come out with it now ihatemyguts: even if I'm a massive perv with mad hacking and tracking skills, I pinky promise I won't be able to find you from your given name alone brainpain: give us yours, newbie ihatemyguts: I will, but you'll think I'm giving you a fake one ihatemyguts: it's the gift and curse bestowed upon me at birth, along with potentially dodgy genetics brainpain: your life is 💩 brainpain: but still ihatemyguts: Zelda ihatemyguts: a reference I'm sure you won't get, 'cos you're so 😎 brainpain: I game, the stream was fibros fave hunting ground brainpain: no 💩 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Turns out being a nerd is way easy from the relative (barely but beats death, yeah?) comfort of the memory foam tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and Rich 👍 only in name, destitute until my next pittance comes in tigerbalm: she's not supposed to 🎮 -headaches -dizziness -light & sound sensitivity but she's a REBEL brainpain: 👌 MOM maybe I'd love a seizure, what do you know? ihatemyguts: I respect it ihatemyguts: gonna be fondly reminiscing over all those dirty, evil trigger foods when they're resecting my bowel 🖕🚔 brainpain: I had a life before I had a TBI, no offense to 👶 Zach inandout: none taken gotspoons: You're all being bad and I cannot support it 🤐😜 gotspoons: and I'm Rosie, I will just �� out on you all the time and yes, it's a fantastic excuse for when you don't wanna respond ihatemyguts: I'll commit all of those to memory in a normal, non-creepy manner ihatemyguts: but whilst I'm allowed to be a n00b, what do you all do for school? brainpain: I was nearly done before 🤯 which got me my pity pass ihatemyguts: pity with a point, at least, alright tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm waiting to start uni, absolutely no thanks to my school and their totally ableist refusal to make reasonable adjustments for accessibility tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but fedora or not, I can be a real arsehole, a loud, persistent one at that tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: take my applause now brainpain: 😍 brainpain: take my 💘 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as long as it's not heavy, m'lady brainpain: you could 💔 brainpain: hold the pieces tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🧠 just isn't poetic enough brainpain: you know me gotspoons: you guys are so cute 🥰 and your broken brain is beautiful, Lauren gotspoons: me though, I'm barely struggling through school still, so many sick days, so much catching up to do 🥱 just thinking about it and therein lies the problem tigerbalm: my parents are trying to get online classes set up but my headteacher is like a million years old inandout: is he a demon? inandout: that was some scary fiction brainpain: or was it? brainpain: cue up those sound effects tigerbalm: if we're gonna talk about hypnosis, I'm out ihatemyguts: that was some serious creepy uncle vibes ihatemyguts: why did he need that level of control ihatemyguts: 🐘 in the room tigerbalm: I have a hippie cousin too, alternative therapy talk is so triggering ihatemyguts: I need a memoir re. your family sitch immediately 😂 ihatemyguts: you get the food purists coming @ me as if I just eat the right thing I'd be 'cured' tigerbalm: I'm working on a screenplay but I've never written a script before, I did find an online class for that easily though ihatemyguts: that's actually 😎 ihatemyguts: soz, Lauren brainpain: she's our lil busy 🐝 brainpain: step your game up, Zachary brainpain: supposed to be you, bro inandout: let Robbie have it, she has more sick days to fill up ihatemyguts: always have your 🥇 inandout: I can pin it on like a star when I got to school with the masses inandout: let them know I'm not what normal looks like ihatemyguts: only the others like you need to have the scoop on that though ihatemyguts: really fucks with the segregation in a big way inandout: “I feel like someone breathed new air into my lungs. I am not Abnegation. I am not Dauntless. I am Divergent.” ihatemyguts: Tattoo idea inandout: if I make it to 18, I'll do it ihatemyguts: how long you given yourself there? inandout: I turned 14 in may, the party was a full blown rager inandout: 🏥🎂 ihatemyguts: you like ruining events too? ihatemyguts: what a coincidence, don't just do family holidays inandout: if I can't blow up 🎈 nobody can ihatemyguts: 🥳 smug bastard inandout: I find that party blower offensive inandout: Rosie! That's a strike for the new girl ihatemyguts: Come to me when it's as culturally iconic as 💩 ihatemyguts: my next (first) tattoo right there inandout: how long are you waiting for that masterpiece? ihatemyguts: was 14 in March ihatemyguts: if we both make it, it's a date inandout: cool inandout: way I'm going that'll be my first one brainpain: now I feel like a pervy OLD uncle brainpain: thank you 👶s ihatemyguts: Lemme guess? ihatemyguts: I'm thinking 19 brainpain: spooky brainpain: I'm an Aquarius if anyone cares ihatemyguts: our 🌟s aligning might be too close to alternative for comfort tigerbalm: I'm a cancer, which is awkward tigerbalm: not my diagnosis ihatemyguts: at least it's memorable ihatemyguts: literally tacked on at the end, who's remembering 🎣 tigerbalm: I hope my 16th will be, for the right reasons tigerbalm: I've still got 5 months left to plan ihatemyguts: 🤞🤞🤞 tigerbalm: I'll add your name, the others know they're all invited ihatemyguts: that's so nice ihatemyguts: considering this introduction has given away nothing if not I am a terrible guest brainpain: another chat about online safety, Robyn, REALLY? 😏 brainpain: did my failed romance teach you nothing? ihatemyguts: if that isn't a challenge to send a photo and make you feel really weird ihatemyguts: why are we anon anyway, to stop us uprising? ihatemyguts: metaphorically if not literally, no offense xoxo brainpain: f it brainpain: I need you all to sign up to my stream to pay my bills anyways brainpain: [a selfie] ihatemyguts: @fibrofog, I get it brainpain: don't flock to tell me how sexy I am, that'd make it weird brainpain: plus, I know tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I picked an awkward time to check back in tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Rosie falls asleep and anarchy reigns? tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm proud brainpain: 💔 YOU haven't showered me with compliments, but hey tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: if I made it that easy you'd never be 💘 brainpain: 😩 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: to save any of the rest of you following such a hard act tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: [pic] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it's old but still a rough estimation of what I look like on a good day brainpain: 😍 brainpain: You're up, girl Z ihatemyguts: if you're all good looking though, I'm so mad ihatemyguts: [a selfie] ihatemyguts: 💩 inandout: I'm not good looking, I'll go next inandout: besides, Robbie would never bow to peer pressure and Rosie is out for the count inandout: [a selfie] tigerbalm: I am 🙀 tigerbalm: but everyone else has tigerbalm: [the shyest selfie of all time] ihatemyguts: 😻😻😻 ihatemyguts: seriously ihatemyguts: representation done us dirty on so many levels now ihatemyguts: when we're not invisible, why we not so gorgeous tigerbalm: there should be a blushing 😸 tigerbalm: that's the representation I need ihatemyguts: Call me out all you need but I was convinced this whole thing would be a lot more tragic than it has been inandout: tragic Tuesdays are a thing brainpain: no they are f-ing not brainpain: Zachary, just cos the new girl's in your age bracket + shares your 1st initial brainpain: she is not corruptible to you inandout: check us on our date, Lauren inandout: but watch your profanity brainpain: watch me give you a DIY lung transplant gotspoons: Excuse me gotspoons: what is going on here brainpain: nothing babe, it's all a dream gotspoons: 😖 gotspoons: if it was, none of you would be here gotspoons: sorry to say brainpain: we love you too brainpain: hit us with that sleepy selfie gotspoons: You know we aren't meant to give out personal info in the public forum gotspoons: if you choose to privately, that's okay though gotspoons: also I don't look any better for my shower now 🥴🤫 brainpain: you're a hottie gotspoons: 😘 gotspoons: well, my blog IS going to be featured on [insert disability awareness news moment] next month, so it isn't as if you couldn't find 🖼 if you really wanted gotspoons: [photo] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Congrats, Ro tigerbalm: a genuine 👏👏👏 tigerbalm: I love your blog gotspoons: Ty, ty 🙇 gotspoons: it's the same as my username, if you wanna check it out, newbie 😄 brainpain: but have you been on the news for being the victim of a violent crime? 😏 just me LOL inandout: Lauren's trading on her fame again inandout: let Rosie have her moment ihatemyguts: pass along all relevant info and I'll 🤓 right up brainpain: @inandout 🍒😃💩👅 brainpain: enjoy the profanity, bro inandout: today's highlight tigerbalm: Zelda could take offence at that, Zach tigerbalm: I think it was nice to meet her ihatemyguts: Not at all ihatemyguts: though it's cultural appropriation to use that emoji without my permission, I'll let it slide 😉 ihatemyguts: nice meeting you all too tigerbalm: I really am gonna have to tell you about my family now ihatemyguts: All I wanted, tbh tigerbalm: everyone else knows this but my parents are white Americans & they adopted me and my brothers who are Native and African American respectively tigerbalm: & you saw me, the Korean girl so ihatemyguts: Ohh tigerbalm: it sounds like a show that should air on ABC family, right? tigerbalm: hella awkward ihatemyguts: I'm brainstorming (p. sure we're not meant to say that, soz) titles rn ihatemyguts: inappropriate question alert, verbal smackdowns appreciated if needed ihatemyguts: did they adopt you knowing you were disabled or is that a new development? tigerbalm: I was gonna call it building bridges but we can't really say that the USA has wronged Korea like the other nations tigerbalm: though they did adopt me knowing so maybe it still works 😄 ihatemyguts: it's got legs tigerbalm: 🦿 ihatemyguts: Ugh, must dash ihatemyguts: 🩸💉s tigerbalm: best of luck ihatemyguts: 💕 total pro by now 💪 brainpain: if I don't 👀 you on my stream I'll 🔎 you here in the forums inandout: a threatening goodbye inandout: can't compete tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👋 Hope to see you back here, Zelda tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: though you wouldn't be the first person to 👻 after dropping in, so no pressure, @Lauren gotspoons: but actually, we're always here, some of us more than others, but you'll always find someone to chat to about the things you can't with non-spoonies ihatemyguts: ✌

[palajae]

this ask might get long so...

i don't know how to thank you and I will always treasure you too, because you are my first friend on this hell site. i've been here since May 2021 and that's so long.

and since then I haven't made friends as I was scared to talk to people online but I grew my guts and started talking to people on anon. and then I learned that you can assign yourself an emoji or a word.

I've been ANON on several blogs but most of them deactivated and some are inactive like totally (they used to come once in a blue moon) so I felt like I had no friends or someone to talk.

then I found you, because I just needed somebody to feel love/friendship with. even I don't know why I texted you and become an anon in the first place. my intuition strongly said "gotta be friends with this marshmallow right here!" my brain thinked in English all of a sudden.

i texted right away and I felt really excited to talk to you, so I was intrigued by your netflix template so I just asked like that and then I thank you too. the next day on 29 Dec 2022, I sent an ask saying I wanna be your anon.

you are literally the sweetest person and you've entered my life at the right time because I felt really down the past few days. I have decided right away to make you, a best friend I would never leave. maybe we could meet irl who knows?

and tysm for believing in me so I will definitely do my best and live up to your word. even you should do well for your exams if they are on the line next. all the best for your exams and prepare jae, stay hydrated and positive.

i was reading your asks and I felt possessive and jealous 😳 idk my maybe because I'm a jealous person. I get jealous easily only when my nearest people are taken by somebody else. Well, you know I'll make you mine 🤪

that was the only part where I used emoji and I am not the type to use emoji. I have a lot to say but I'm afraid it's long and you might get annoyed. I'm the type of person who gets afraid to talk much and some people wronged me for that :( and even for that irl too.

life never treated me right. idk why I am crying but I don't feel better these days, maybe it's because I'm stressed. I hate it because I'm like this and for the mistakes I have committed in the past, I was innocent. I didn't know anything. everyone pointed out at me.

i hate this life jae, I wish to die but that's not the case. even if I die it won't make any difference so I chose not to think bout it anymore. but I wanna tell you this story and its been an year since I've had thoughts like that — suicidal thoughts.

i had them for 3 consecutive days, all the nm3 nights I haven't slept and thought of jumping out from the apartment. I never knew if it would benefit me but I wanted to enjoy my life. I wanna get this off my chest and I wanna tell you about this, the amount of struggles and sadness I've suffered.

maybe I should stop now and I should learn how to live from others. you are only my friend here on tumblr but irl I had only 4 friends and they betrayed me 😭 this is so much to handle. I'm sorry jae.

— 🐈‍⬛

first of all, im glad that you reached out to me and asked to be my friend/anon bc that takes a lot of courage! so thank you and you’re welcome too lol

and regarding depression, it’s such a complex and difficult topic to talk about, esp as someone who also deals with it, but i hope that things work out for you. i personally think if you can, you should talk to someone, whether it be family/friends/therapist as i am definitely not someone professional trained or anyone nearly as close to being one haha. what i will say though is that i know it’s hard but you are not alone. reach out to anyone you know personally or find any resources that you think would be helpful. that’s all i can do as of now as someone you know through the screen :)

[isabelleisashethem]

of how a playlist came to be

i'm posting this here, because I need this story to be told. (also, all the sad girl posts are abt him, sooo)

April 12, 2021

Haie, so, this girl just went through heartbreak and decided to create a playlist to cope. lol.

and here's the story of that playlist.

Listen to the playlist here.

(I'm sorry if the rain sounds were overpowering,I was scared of copyright lol)

This year was difficult. With the pandemic, and online classes, and family problems. Honestly, at some point, I didn't think that I would last and reach 2021. I was under so much stress and anxiety and was slowly losing my mind (as we all were).

But, despite all the mess, I managed to push through. You can ask me why because I'll tell you.

Someone was there for me. Despite not even knowing me last school year, he was the first to ask me how I was after I threw all my rants on Twitter. He was the first person that cared for me enough to see how I was doing. He is the reason why I'm still here.

Because he was essentially a stranger, I found myself telling him my problems, and he was always there for me. He was there for every breakdown, he was there whenever I lost my mind, he was there for me during my darkest days and he was there for me if I needed to ground myself.

He was there to make me laugh, and make me smile. He was there for the small victories and the accomplishments.

We became friends. Whenever we had a problem, we would tell each other about it. Whenever we see one rant on Twitter, we talk about it. We spent so much time talking to each other, to the point where I started to catch feelings.

A thing about me is, whenever I started catching feelings, it won't be intense. I'll only feel some butterflies, or the occasional "kilig", and when I knew that they liked someone else, I wouldn't mind, at all.

But then he came.

He made me feel alive, for the first time in a long time. His words were symphonies and his voice was a song. He made me feel extraordinary whenever he talked to me. For once in my boring life, he made me feel special (no, that is not a kpop reference, lol) when I thought that I was ordinary.

With him, suddenly love songs made sense, rom-coms were real, and hope was everywhere.

He would send me songs about love and give me anime recommendations. He would join me if I wanted to watch a movie with him. We would play tic-tac-toe or Pictionary and even among us online, he even taught me how to play chess once. He would stay with me at the end of google meets so we could talk more without other people; talk with just the two of us.

This boy made me overthink so much and made me feel such extreme feelings that he would sometimes be the reason why I lost my mind.

As we talked more, I felt myself start to fall. So I told him. I told him so I can clear things in my mind. I told him because I didn't want to hope for anything. Still, after I told him, everything felt more blurry, everything more unclear.

I still liked him.

His comforting words still meant the world to me. He was still the most important person in my life. Even when I tried to "uncrush" him, I couldn't, because I was really falling for this guy.

I also had this other friend. She was the person that I would run to whenever I had problems with him (lol, that is really funny now) because he tended to lead people on. I told her mostly everything because they were close too.

We became the closest among our friend group of 5.

I think you can see where this is going.

We would have jam sessions on discord, and we would chat on our group server. They would usually talk to each other and I would lay low most times (by lay low, I mean as they talk to each other with the microphones, I would react on the chatbox lol). There were also times where I caught them laughing and having inside jokes that I wasn't a part of.

I only truly saw their chemistry when we had the chance to see each other on our graduation pictorial. I noticed how extremely close they were with each other. I saw how cute they were together (because they really were). I saw how they light up when they were talking and how they were low-key inseparable.

That day I decided that I should get ahold of myself. It was clear that I wasn't gonna be that person for him. I felt the hope fade slowly,

but hope was still there.

When the day was over, and everyone was leaving, we decided to commute together because we had the same route home. All the rides were full, so we walked.

That walk was a bad idea. Commuting together was a bad idea. Being alone with him was a bad idea.

We started to talk, about life, and other things. Eventually, the conversation led to the fact that I liked him.

I told him about how he was different from my other crushes, and how strong my feelings for him were. He also knew how I never had anything remotely romantic happen in my life.

so he made me hold his hand,

and I did.

For around 10 minutes, maybe less, our hands were intertwined, and my sweaty palms were against his. For that short interval of time, I felt myself hope again, and I finally admitted to myself that I fell in love with this person.

I FAKEN FELT LIKE THE MAIN CHARACTER FOR THE FIRST TIME.

only for it to be taken back a few days later.

I assumed that I was the person he liked, because why would he do that if I wasn't. Why would he hold my hand after telling him how strong my feelings were for him?

Why did he feel the need to take a moment from me?

Surely he liked me too, right?

I found out that he liked my friend, not me.

That was the first time he was actually clear about the person he liked.

I was devastated, at the same time excited. I was really happy for them.

But I can't deny the fact that I was hurt.

The night I found out, I wanted to chop my whole arm off. I wanted to scrub the skin that held his hand off my body. I wanted to erase all the memories that I had of him

All the words that he told me, all the things that made me fall for him was a lie.

His words that once felt like symphonies were out of key. All the moments I had with him darkened. Everything was a fabrication of what I hoped it was.

That night, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that two people found their way to each other, while I was in so much pain.

I realized that everything meant nothing to him,

but his nothing meant everything to me.

I realized that I was led on from the beginning. I realized that maybe I was just a way to get to her.

He made me fall for him, as he was falling for her.

It broke me for a couple of days, but at the same time, I was extremely grateful.

Yes, I did fall for him and became a clown to his ways, but at the same time, I was also learning how to love myself.

I already saw how he treated me from the beginning. I already saw how much he led me on, and I saw his red flags. At the time, I was still stupid so I ignored them, but I've always told myself that I was worth more than what he was making me feel.

I learned to know my worth, and I eventually learned how to love myself, even on bad days.

I like to think that this heartbreak was given so that I could at least experience a broken heart before the right person comes into my life.

And I know that they will eventually come.

Now, we're on good terms, more or less.

We would still talk from time to time, and I really am incredibly supportive of their relationship.

Yes, it still hurts seeing them together, but why should I be the roadblock to their happiness?

What he did to me was not okay, and it never will be, but I learned that forgiving him was the best way for me to finally heal.

Also, even though most of what I thought of him was a lie, our friendship was still real. I'm still really grateful to have him in my life because he was the person I could trust with my secrets, and he was the person who pulled me back to reality when I was losing myself.

To this person, lol, if you are reading this.

Sorry for breaking my promise (lol kaso u broke my heart, char), and thank you for the lessons and for being there for me.

To anyone who happens to stumble along with this playlist, I want you to know that you are strong.

I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and this pain that you may be feeling is okay.

Even though you weren't in a relationship, what you felt was real, and I think that it's wonderful. It's wonderful that you were able to feel this much for them.

I know that someday, you're going to find somebody who is right for you. Who will never make you feel like an option, and will never let you down.

Someone who will care for you, as you cared for the person you are thinking about right now. Someone who will hold your hand, and have it mean something. Someone who can make you feel special, and loved.

But as we wait I hope you know that

you are valid, and you are always worth it.

xoxo

(here's the Spotify code lol)