#best membership i ever paid for lmao

[ellcrys]

me flipping through 3 costco coupon books marking down everything i want: i fucking love costco

[kananjarus]

get to know me 🌻

tagged by @daydreamey thank youuuu

do you make your bed?

not all the time tbh

what’s your favourite number?

7, 23, and 48

what is your job?

park ranger of administration. but soon I'll just be a standard park ranger that actually gets to go outside instead of being stuck inside of an office every day :)

If you could go back to school would you?

absolutely. I would be a full time student if I got paid for it. there's so much in this world to learn, like literally an infinite amount of knowledge out there. I want to collect degrees like pokemon cards

can you parallel park?

yeah!

a job you had that would surprise people?

I guess working in yosemite natl park. the best job I had there was working as one of the raft attendants but ppl like hearing I worked at the pizza deck when my summer job ended. that's where most of the climbers hung out when they weren't at camp 4 and I remember taking tommy caldwell's pizza order a few times lmao. he's a pretty chill dude

do you think aliens are real?

yes, but it always annoys me when they are depicted as overly anthropomorphic. like, in this universe of billions and billions of stars, you're going to tell me this alien has a human face? where's the logic? the imagination???

can you drive a manual car?

no but I would love to learn!

what’s your guilty pleasure?

everyone rags on people who play fortnite because I guess its meant for 12 year old boys and its cringe but I love the fuck out of that game. yes it is ridiculous but it's one of the few games I'm actually good at 

tattoos?

I have a small one on my shoulder but I've been meaning to get more

favourite colour?

🩵💙🩵

favourite type of music?

I'll listen to anything but lately I've been into more edm / house stuff like freg again, goth babe, and cd ghost. but also. chappell roan. I'm BLOWN AWAY by her

do you like puzzles?

sometimes lol

any phobias?

heights. also cockroaches

favourite childhood sport?

swimming! I miss it all the time but rec center memberships are pricey

do you talk to yourself?

all the time

what movie(s) do you adore?

oh goodness. most star wars films. interstellar. the old guard. lord of the rings. ever after. practical magic. I'm having one of those moments when I forget every movie I've ever watched and loved uh.......fury road

coffee or tea?

coffeeee

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

I think it was an archaeologist? I have the degree, I hope I get there someday 🙂

tagging: @rogerzsteven @spaceprincessem @eddiebabygirldiaz @mellaithwen @buckttommy @i-had-bucky

[jiminrings]

hi!! can i request a drabble of new personaltrainer!jungkook training a pretty awkward (and kinda chubby/thicc..?) y/n and its super fluffy and aaaa,, i love your writing aaaa 🥺

cloud nine

pairing: jungkook x y/n

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: y/n finally gives into jimin the gymbro’s thoughtful push, and jungkook is sO close to barking back to his chihuahua the moment he gets home :D // gif isn’t mine but look at it it’s so cRISPY!!!

notes: thank you sO much babie!! here you go :D

okay that’s iT!!

you totally need something new in your life

you need a change of pace or whatever that’s called

all the days you’ve been having are all blurring into the same one and it just makes you feel so stagnant

the only difference you could point out are the sleep shirts you wear and that’s ONLY if you don’t try to repeat wearing them

you now have a list of people you’re in awe of

people who genuinely and unironically consider friends the tv show as a cinematic masterpiece because nOAH FENCE how do they manage to get entertained by laugh tracks and the same skit over and over again

ok maybe your slander towards it increased because hoseok (the guy you have a sorta crush on) likes it and he leaves you on read and sometimes doesn’t even open your message and thEN you’d see his instagram stories and they’re all just???? friends???? what was the reason

and second, jimin!

jimin’s your best friend and that just makes you awed even more because you don’t even know how the two of you got close

jk it was when your friends forced you to come with them at this inflatable water park and you were sCARED and so he held your lifevest and was like

“hEY do you wanna take this in the same pace that i’m doing it?? tbh i just wanna get back to my mimosas but my friends paid too expensively for this”

<3 he has been the guardian of your heart since <3

jimin’s just so well-paced and organized and knows how to have his fun that his daily life doesn’t seem like a mindless routine

you are actively YEARNING for that kind of lifestyle

and right now it just seems like the stars are aligning for you and are practically made for your existence alone!!

jimin’s a gymbro

he is the living breathing talking definition of gymbro and gymrat and gymgod or whatever it is

.....

.......

.... gymin if u will ....

okAy then

but he wasn’t the aggressive type of gymbro, not at all!

he’s a total natural!!

like he’s ripped but not excessively and exaggeratedly ripped

he doesn’t flex but the muscle definition and the physique are just wHew exquisite!!

he doesn’t talk in protein powder lingo but you aren’t surprised to see a giant jug of it inside his cupboard!!! after all he’s proud to say that it’s practically all-skill!!!

and to top it off.,.,

:D

okay so jimin takes off his shirt right

the two of you are neighbors and you often come into each other’s places and it feels like home too

and you aren’t complaining!! you know that he runs a little hot that normal and you wouldn’t want him overheating

but he has this large tattoo on his rib that reads nevermind and it’s so cOOL and it just makes the gears in your head go creak creak because aha your best friend is the blueprint huh

you’re not surprised!! you really aren’t!!

after all, why would you be surprised out of all the things above when you already know that he owns a goddamn GYM??

the only regret that you have is not meeting him sooner :((

yeah sure pjm athletics does have a nice ring to it bUT WHAT ABOUT PARK’S GYMIN

you’ve always been.,., a lil curious ok

i mean your goddamn friend is the ownEr of a really well-known and well-praised gym!! how could you not??

you don’t wanna mooch off from him though no matter how much he offers you free classes and stuff

he always brings you home extra merch and energy drinks that you’re sure you can now have a tap for gatorade

he’s not dENSE!! he sees how you look at him whenever he does push-ups on your floor or when he does planks like no big deal

there’s this thought at the back of your head that y’know..,., what if THIS was the thing that’s gonna be your change of pace

lmao you’re looking for hardship basically

jimin’s finally had it when you sigh for the eleventh time while he’s doing pull-ups

you want to spend your own money and he knows you won’t accept any of his offers!!

that’s it he needs to be smart about this!!!

“woah jimin holy sHIT you’re having a 50% off your membership??? and it comes with a trainer too??? are you serious right now???”

:)))

he can now sleep in peace knowing his editing job for this flyer has paid off and he’s passed the “y/n’s not believing me” stage :))

if it wasn’t established enough there really isn’t a sale lol

here you are then,.,.

wearing workout leggings that jimin deemed to be reAlly great and it made quite a hefty dent in your wallet but you trust his judgement so ok

you’re not in the mood to wear anything besides jimin’s black dri-fit shirt because you really don’t wanna attract attention as the newbie

this is good!! you now have a gym membership AND a personal trainer!!

you dON’T exactly need them but you feel you just do y’know!! there’s no harm in trying :D

you didn’t want jimin to be your personal trainer and he basically sULKED for a whole week

it’s not a him problem!! it’s a you problem!!!

you know that it’s a given that the trainers shOuld be excellently to a degree to actually train someone else

but it’s now dawning in you that HE’S the owner and he’s so intimidatingly good!!! you would look like a raw egg that’s just dumped haphazardly into a pot and he’s the perfectly-boiled egg :((

oh my god

jungkook feels like he’s gonna throw up with how nervous he is

it’s his first day as a personal trainer!! :D

he’s half-excited and half-terrified because holy shit fIRST of all this gym was hard to apply to in the first place

everyone’s flocking it because:

a) it’s really great

b) even greater benefits for the employees

c) the pay is hUGE

d) the equipment?? the morals?? the testimonials?? the owner?? the whole thing??? FANTASTIC

and second omg jungkook won’t admit it to anyone but uHm he’s kinda scared ok

he’s not the type of person that’s comfortable with ordering people around??? even if that’s technically his job???

like what if his first-ever client is a guy like jason momoa and that guy’s a fucking UNIT for sure

imagine hIM telling jASON MOMOA to give him three sets x twenty reps of push-ups

g-gulp

“or i can do it for you, i-if you want?”

he’s bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet and swinging his arms around forward and backward to make them clap quietly

“there, you’re all set!! i already filled up all the forms for you the moment i gave you the flyer!!”

“but-“

“your trainer’s... not me. but he’s uh, what’s his name again, jungkook!! what does he look like again — oh right!! i remember!!”

“jimin-“

“he should be the guy with the big doe eyes!! has a lot of dangly earrings!! if he’s not wearing a sweater then he should be the one who has some tattoos!!”

“no jimin-“

“off you go!! i’ll be bouncing around but i’ll keep an eye on you, don’t worry!! okay now go and i’ll let you have a sip of my gatorade even if we have the same drink :D”

.....

whew

there goes nothing then

you’re about to keep your duffel bag close as a reason to stall to getting to the locker room but jimin’s already one step ahead and snatched it from you

you didn’t even get your towel :((

it had a little blue cloud embroidered at the middle of it and it’s your Emotional Support Towel by default

you’re kinda nervous since there’s some pairs of eyes on you because after all they just saw you have the most carefree conversation with the owner they’re a lil scared to talk to

you’re wringing your hands together as you try to spot this jungkook with jimin’s descriptions and-

oh

oH

O H

jungkook looks so ????

wow?????

he’s gorgeous like that is nOt up for debate

he looks so fresh?? effortless?? handsome???

jungkook looks like he smells like baby powder and freshly-washed sheets

the baby powder that you’re tempted to snORt because it smells so good which was the one you’d put on your chest bc boob sweat and to prevent ur thighs chafing

he had to do a double-take on you because the first time he glanced at this walking person he immediately shut down

like when something looks sO pretty that you have to look away for a second because you literally can’t take it

oR like when you have this favorite scene of a movie and you have to physically pause it before rewinding and doing that for another six times

“are you perhaps jungkook?? because i’m not surE and-...”

“jungkook i am. i-i aM jeon jungkook!! yes, right, jungkook!!!!!”

holy fuck he’s stopped working

your mouth’s a little parted because you didn’t expect him to go on that lil spiel cLEARLY but omg he’s adorable!!!

if he could punch himself he really would

it’s taking him a second to regroup but you take the initiative to introduce yourself :D

“i’m y/n! you’re my trainer from what they told me :))”

you’re a lil more awkward when it comes to social interactions like these but it looks like you’re acing it when put in front of jungkook

the both of you shake hands and then immediately put it behind your back because wow u just shook the pretty boy’s hand AND it’s not even 8 in the morning yet!!

you haven’t even started the workout portion yet but ur already on fire

( jimin’s looking at the security footage and even HE’S blushing from the secondhand embarrassment jungkook’s brough oh my god )

(( jimin suddenly wishes he could unlearn reading people’s lips ))

“so, what brought you here?”

it’s jungkook who asks but he alsO wants to answer himself to say it’s fate aha :D

he’s getting you to stretches and he’s doing them with you!!

“to be honest?? well there was like a fIFTY percent discount but you already know all of that”

wait

what now

“a sale? what-...”

there’s an abrupt noise that goes through the whole gym and it makes the both of you flinch and you even yelP

if you see jimin lifting a 100lbs barbell only to throw it down and cut off jungkook from speaking THEN MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

“you okay?”

jungkook asks you quietly and taps your shoulder and you’re about to faint right then and there of how you met like then minutes ago and he’s cONCERNED

the focus on today was flexibility plus easing you into working out!!!

stretches are the next best thing to working out and it’s a win-win combo bc you’re flexible aND you’re basically exerting effort = kind of a workout apparently

the bit of reaching your toes then doing a downward dog and the upward-facing dog right after to hear that satisfying grunt of your joints is a LITTLE awkward because jungkook’s looking at you

jungkook wants to look away but in the same time he can’t will himself to

one because he’s a young wide-eyed attracted man and twO he’s the trainer omg he needs to look at you!!!

“o-okay! just a set of jack jum — jUMPING JACKS!!! jumping jacks and we could start :)))”

no one told you.,.,.

no one told you where you should look when you’re doing jumping jacks

you can’t look downwards because that’ll throw you off and you can’t look up either because why?? what??? WHO are you seeking up there????

looking straight ahead is kinda awkward

the safe answer was everywhere at once according to you

you sneak a look at jungkook and you almost choke in your own spit with how handsome he still looks

you’re not gonna cope up with that fact probably ever

jungkook’s feeling a lil sweaty now because uHm he shouldn’t really be doing this with you technically

it’s usually a trainer doing it with you for like the first five reps and then letting you do it alone for the rest

but nO he’s doing this with you he doesn’t mind :D

he could feel a bead of sweat by his sideburns and he’s screaming internally to gO the fuck back where it came from

he wants to tear off his hoodie but he doesn’t know if he should since he doesn’t have a shirt underneath!!!

being shirtless to the gym isn’t new but you’re with him and nOW he feels nervous

honestly jungkook would rather overheat than to make you feel uncomfortable

news flash: you want to curl up into a ball and cry about thinking how you’d be sore the next day

you r about to give out and tear up a little bit because fuck this is nOT an introductory workout

you also don’t want to look like a wimp in front of jungkook because that is not a good look for your pride and you’d feel embarrassed for eternity

just two more to go!!

honestly fUCK fire hydrants!!! 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦?? 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦?? 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕚𝕊?? 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕓𝕖???? 𝕚 𝕕𝕠𝕟’𝕥 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠 𝕒𝕊𝕊!!!

you raise your head because you’re getting dizzy looking down

jungkook’s looking at you and he sees you looking at him and it dOESN’T help the way you look right now

with you sweaty and grumbling under your breath and ur baby hair all over the place and ur eyes unfocused and fix at the same time a-and ur lips parted and-

JESUS LINE UP AT THE DMV RIGHT NOW TAKE THE WHEEL

jungkook’s so nervous and flustered that his limp actually trembles with how hot his cheeks are and he’s rambling out of nowhere

“fire hydrants amirite??? most certainly inspired by dogs and stuff because cooky, my chihuahua, does exactly that when he pees and-...”

THERE’S THAT LOUD BARBELL CLANGING AGAIN

oh my god he should not have said that

jungkook’s beyond mortified wHY DID HE SAY THAT

you look speechless and you aRE

you’re just nodding at him with a tight-lipped smile and if he knows better that’s because you’re so spent and a little light-headed and less off from his nervous rambling

planks,,, just planks,,, the final bit of it all

you don’t wanna get dizzy at the last stretch so you’re trying your best to not pay attention to the blood rushing to ur head

jungkook’s so distracted with his thoughts that he wordlessly adjusts you

lifts up your core while adjusting your feet closer before pressing his hand to your back and-

aHA FUCK

you now feel like you can run a marathon right after that

jungkook now feels like he can compete in a twenty-hour triathlon

he’s praising you to no end that you did sOOOO good!!! you really did!!!!

meanwhile your face is hot not only from that but also because you’ve endured hardship that felt like hours <3

you’re breathlessly laughing because wHEW you really did do that and wow you’re proud of yourself!!!! it’s not even 10 in the morning!!!

there’s a towel that’s gently patting your face section by section

:)

“you uhm, you didn’t have a towel with you so-“

jungkook pats at your neck to your nape and that’s when it hits that o-OH right i’ll leave you to that

you take the towel with a grin you’re fighting so hard and that’s when you realize that it’s not just a random gym one

but rather it was jungkook’s himself because it’s the same clean one he had in his hands awhile ago!!

you can smell him on it and you make sure to pat your face extra dry because you wouldn’t want to get your face sweaty now would you :D his perfume’s just a bonus, right :D

shouldn’t trainers be the cold and straight to the point ones and immediately leave right after you’re all done????

..... inch resting

“oh my gOD — mr. jimin sir-nim min jimin-nIM!!”

jungkook has the fright of his life when his boss appears from nowhere by his side

jimin laughs at how frazzled this guy is lmao but anyways he came here for you (as if he hasn’t been supervising from afar the whole time)

“want me to give you a ride home or?”

kook’s a little lost and he might just cry as he starts to think that oh wait a second are you guys-

“he’s my best friend.”

you whisper under your breath towards him and he unknowingly sighs in relief

“well did you get here using your jeep or your vespa???”

jimin has this jeep he passionately calls chimmy the jeep and he has a knack for naming things with a ring on it ok

and the other was a cream-colored vespa he bought like six months ago

he learned how to ride the bike a year ago and he was immediately let’s get this to the next level idc i’m getting a vESPA!!!

you have an iRRATIONAL fear of vespas

you’re okay with big bikes and regular motorcycles!!! in fact you find them less threatening than jimin’s motorcycle

the little wheels scare you and it’s just so??? it looks so bite-sized wHY does it look like that???? it looks like you could breathe an extra breath to your right and the vespa would steer to the right

ugh you hate his motorcycle sO bad

“well don’t you hAte public transport when you’re tired and all that???”

yikes you did

it’s true!! you’d call him to pick you up because the bus ride hits harder when you’ve had a long day and u feel every bump in the road possible

“i have a big bike!”

jungkook chimes in and he even raises his hand and that’s when he shuts up when he realizes his mistake

“no one asked mhmm i’m sorry jimin-nim sir hYung-nim”

your eyes widen as it sinks in you that oh my god he mIGHT be as into you as you are with him and that’s so ???? that’s such a heartwarming concept you can’t believe

jungkook has the same big brain moment and he takes your widened eyes as a signal to keep talking

“i have TWO helmets! but uhm one of them is for kooky and he’s a chihuahua, wait i already said that, so that means it’s just a tINY helmet i ordered from amazon but it’s okAy i can wear it!!! b-but i’m not forcing you or anything that i should take you home o-or no offense to mr. jimin-nim sir i am NOT underestimating you or-“

surprisingly, jimin doesn’t hate the idea of you and jungkook

ah he should probably adopt a dog and name them jupiter or sth,,, you and koo look like you’re gonna end up anyways

“okay. just bring her home in one piece.”

he’s oddly calm and that also makes YOU confused

jungkook isn’t confused however because the moment you turn, jimin mouths to him in korean and the rough translation was hurt her and i’ll kill you :D

you nodded your head and that meant he’s iNDEED taking you bome

he starts throwing things in his duffel bag (and he should still be in the gym but jimin jus gave him a free pass) and he’s wordlessly carrying yours too!!

he could feel your fist holding the back of his hoodie and jungkook just feels at peace :’’’)

wearing a ridiculous miniature helmet for dogs on top of his head that won’t do shit is tOTALLY worth it

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #295

i’m not listening to music so am blanking on lyrics to put here lol

Who’s your favorite rapper? And your favorite song by this rapper? Eminem. "Cinderella Man" is probably my favorite, or "Space Bound." How about your favorite band? And your favorite song by this band? Ozzy Osbourne, if I had to pick solely one. God, picking a favorite song, though... idk, maybe "Trap Door," but it's almost impossible for me to decide. Have you ever had the cops called on you? For what? No. Would you rather be home alone, or have people with you? Why? I'd rather have people home, but alone in my room. I just feel less lonely. Have you ever dropped a class in school? Which class, and why did it suck? I dropped some class in college that I can't remember the name of... I completely misjudged what it would be like. I had absolutely zero interest. I feel like I've dropped another, too? Have you ever taken someone back, who ended up just hurting you again? No. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nicole. What was the last thing you printed? Is there even ink in your printer? Something for school, I'm sure. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, my driving instructor in HS. Have you ever been in handcuffs? Why, exactly? Yeah, to be transported from the ER to psych hospitals, as well as handcuffs among other restraints when going to court to explain why I was eligible for an earlier discharge from the hospital. That's one of the scariest experiences of my life, feeling like a bound lunatic. Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? Why? Yeah, for two surgeries. Do you actually have a calendar on your wall? What are the pictures of? I have two old meerkat ones that are just for decoration. Have you ever been on a cruise? How many? Where did they go? No. Do you have a favorite author? No. Does your significant other boss you around a lot? I don't have one, but I wouldn't tolerate that shit. Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Me, but I obviously lived. I think I've loosely or distantly known people who weren't so lucky. Are you a fan of PDA (public displays of affection)? As long as it's not too intense, I think it's sweet. It's beautiful to see love expressed. When was the last time you went bowling? A few years ago for Girt and my first date. Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? I do. Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yes, for school essays. I think my longest was about toxic masculinity. I'm actually really proud of it; I think my instructor used it as an example for her next semester's students, given that I was notified of an influx of views on it. Do you have any names picked out for your future children? What are they? Hypothetically speaking, if I had a daughter, Alessandra is her name, period, lol. I would like to name my never-happening son Damien, but I'd be more open to suggestions from my partner. Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? Oh yikes, no thank you. Do you have/want any piercings? I have a good number and seriously want more. What side of the bed do you sleep on? More towards the left. Who is the last person you told a secret to? Nicole, about Misty coming down here for a visit. Have you ever been on an island? Yes, just off the NC coast during a 4th grade school vacation. It was amazing and even had wild horses. What's your favorite job you've ever had? I guess GameStop was the best, since I was actually interested in what I worked with. Do you have any vacations planned? No. Do you enjoy getting manicures/pedicures? How often do you get them? I mean it's nice I guess, but it's not something I'd spend money on. Have you yelled at anyone today, and why? No. Do you own anything with your state or providence's name on it? No. Do you like the Paranormal Activity movies? Yeah. Paranormal is my favorite subgenre of horror. What's your favorite way to eat peanut butter? On waffles, haha. Do you like bows? Yeah, they're cute. Have you ever made a 'haul' YouTube video? No. Has a boyfriend ever made you breakfast? Yeah, that was quite ordinary with Jason since his original intention was to be a chef. What do you gather your change in? My wallet. Do you like to play Angry Birds? I never have. The movie was cute, tho. Do you like Cheez-Its? Oh GOD. I looooove Cheez-Its and they need to be kept away from me to avoid bingeing on them. Have you ever been pulled aside for a random bag search at an airport? I don't think so, no. What’s your favorite flavor of Jell-O? Watermelon, I think? Or strawberry? Do you have any games on your computer? Which ones? On my personal laptop, I have World of Warcraft, Alien: Isolation, Resident Evil 6, and both Amnesia games. I think that's it. What's a musical instrument you think sounds really beautiful? Violins. Do you have a favorite type of pasta? (like a shape of noodles, not dish) I'm not particular about this, really. What's the coolest natural event you've ever witnessed? Maybe the blood moon. Are there any waterfalls near where you live? No, just dams. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I know people who have had smaller works published, but calling them an "author" feels odd since it's not their actual career or anything. Is that rude? Do you own a polaroid camera? No, but that'd be cool. Do you think you’ll ever end up in rehab? No. Who’s your favorite Kardashian sister? I don't have an opinion. Is there someone you absolutely cannot stand but have to tolerate? My sister's husband. "Absolutely cannot stand" might be a bit strong, but... Do you want to go to pregnancy classes? If I was to ever be pregnant, no. My mom would be able to answer all things related to this, haha. Do you ever cringe at the thought of living in a disgusting house? Yes. What color are your bathroom towels? We have a variety. How often do you let cleavage show? I'm not very revealing, but I'm also not self-conscious of allowing some. Does vintage stuff appeal to you? Yes! Where do you want to go? I'd love to visit Sara again, but not so long as Covid hangs around. Have you ever had feelings for two people at the same time? Something like that with Jason and Juan before I chose Jason. I don't even really know if I like-liked Juan versus just being flattered by him. Would you ever throw out or give away something an ex gave you? I mean, what's the item in question? And are we on good terms (not that that would always matter)? What's the biggest annoyance in your life right now? Right now, Covid. I know, surprising I didn't say "not having a job," but so long Covid is an issue, I don't think I would be comfortable having one. I can't bring that shit home to my weak mother. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Mom. What do you want right this second? To actually be skinny again. It's hard to believe in my teens I thought I wasn't. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? I'm actually quite the opposite... It's sad, I know I'd have less trouble losing weight if I could just stop drinking it regularly. Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? ... No...? Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? I don't believe so, no. Who’d you last see in a tux? Hm. Probably when I shot a wedding. Out of everyone you know, who has the most heart? Uhhhh I dunno. Who’s the bravest person you know? Probably my mom. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? Again, my mother. Have you ever dated someone who was really sporty? Nah. Are you any good at writing? I think so. What’s your favorite form of writing? I don't know if it counts as a "form" as much as it is a subject, but RP. Writing with characters you yourself have created and actually engaging with other's inventions is very fun. Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? Yes, over things I'd said to Jason following the breakup. It literally took years because I was so convinced it was all justified. What did you dream about last night? I don't remember. Sure feels great though that my nightmares are chilling out. What profession do you admire the most? That's tough, but probably those that put their lives on the line for others, like firefighters. I also have massive respect for people like doctors, given all the time and work they put into their education to become one and help others. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? No. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Well, seeing as I was an initial homophobe that eventually realized I was bisexualllll... Do you have a garden at your house? No. Do you like making puppet figures with your shadow? When I was a kid, sure. Have you ever played strip poker or would you ever? No, but I won't say absolutely never if I was just with my s/o. It's not something I'm actually interested in doing, though. Would you date someone who didn’t want to have sex until they were married? Yep. Would you date someone who went to church on a regular basis? To be totally honest, I don't know if me and a person that actively religious would work out, but I'd try it, ig. What is your favorite curse word? I say "fuck" way too much lmao. It's an intense word and I'm a passionate person, lol. What movie do you know just about every line from? None. Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? Cupcakes. What are the three “nevers” of your life? To name just a few that I'm absolutely certain about, I'd never do hard drugs, commit murder (unless in self-defense, but is that even "murder?"), or abuse somebody. Last board game you played? I think it was "Sorry!" when I was babysitting Ryder. Last card game you played? Christ, Uno. My niece went through a phase of like obsessively playing it with me because I would let her win. Last thing you got for free? Christmas gifts. How long have you been tattooed? If you’re not, do you want to get tattooed? I got my first tat the day I turned 18. Last baby shower? My sister's last year. Last wedding? A repeat photography client's. Her family is lovely. Last funeral? I don't think I've been to a funeral (not wake) since I was maybe a preteen and my childhood babysitter died... It's sad that I didn't go to my grandmother's, but I didn't really have that choice. What is your band’s name? Or fantasy band ;)? Haha, my Rock Band one was "Bullets and Butterflies." How many different strip clubs have you been to? None. Do you have any nieces/nephews? Technically a lot, but only three are regular parts of my life. How many cars have you ever owned? Me personally, none. Can you do math in your head well? ABSOLUTELY not. Who is your favorite Star Wars character? I only care about the Ewoks ok. I'm not a fan of the franchise. Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party? No. Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail? No. Have you ever given someone a fake phone number? No. Do you have any bumper stickers on your car? N/A Have you ever gone golfing? Only mini-golfing as a kid. Well, and on an anniversary date with Jason. Actual golfing doesn't interest me. If you became famous for something, what would it be? To be entirely realistic versus idealistic, probably something I wrote. How many friends do you have that are married? A whole lot. Do you still have your wisdom teeth? Yes. When you were a kid, were you ever afraid of cooties? No, it was just a playful joke. Do you ever go Christmas caroling in December? No. Do you like mango? Mango flavored stuff, oh yes. I don't like actual mangos; they're too mushy. What was the last thing you got falsely accused of? I don't know. Have you ever been kicked out of a store? No. What does caffeine do to you? Nothing, really. I think I'm too accustomed to it being in my system. Would other people describe you as creative? Very. Would you rather paint or carve a pumpkin? Hm, maybe paint. Names of best friends you've had: Brianna, Kimberly, Jenna, Megan, Mini, Sara... I don't remember them all. Were you one of the smartest in your class? Through most of my school experience, yes. Will you let your kids have a YouTube channel, do you think? If I wanted kids, it would depend on their age and what they were making. Have you ever owned a designer purse? No. Do you like the taste of Tums? Taste, yes. Chalky texture, fuck no. I like the chewy ones, though. Are you currently learning a new language? No. What culture are you most interested in learning about? Maybe Indian? Do you own anything skull print? Oh, loads of stuff. Who are the three people you consider yourself closest to? Mom, Sara, and uh... Dad. Do you like crackers with your soup? Soggy crackers are gross. I don't really like soup, anyway. Which ex of yours means the most to you? Sara. What is something that never fails to make you feel accomplished? Cleaning. Do wooded areas freak you out in the evening or night? No, I love 'em. Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle? No, I'm not comfortable with the idea of riding one. Do you iron any of your clothes? No. Do you think long, straight hair is pretty? Yes, if it's healthy. Do you have a fireplace in your home? Yes. Did you have a class pet in grade school? No. Have you ever owned an aquarium? No. Do you prefer mints or gum? I'd say gum. Popsicles or fudgesicles? Ohhh, fudgesicles. What is your favorite flavor of hot pockets? I only even moderately enjoy the ham and cheese ones. Do you like apple juice? Yeah, but there's definitely better juices.

[insanelycooljk]

Jared gets kicked out?

send me the title of one of my deh wips and I’ll share an excerpt/tell you a bit about it  

Oh boy... I hope you’re prepared for some angst lmao. In terms of just, the amount of angst/hurt, this is probably the worst wip I’ve got (...except maybe the one that’s just titled ⚡⚡⚡ lol 👀). This is another one that I’m not sure I’ll ever actually write, but it was like 2am and my brain just went hey...what if?? and I had enough to say about it that it warranted it’s own word doc lol.

Anyway, the title pretty much says it all with this one.

Also just wanted to clarify that I can’t actually imagine Jared’s parents ever kicking him out. Like, they’re clearly friends with Heidi and I like to think that anyone Heidi is friends with must be pretty decent people. But, for angst purposes... yeah they’re not great in this. On that note, trigger warning for shitty homophobic parents and homelessness.

So Jared knew coming out wasn’t going to go well, but he didn’t expect it to go quite this badly

He tells his dad first and it’s definitely not great, but it’s not a complete disaster either. His dad kind of just says “Well, you know what I think about that.” and Jared says “I know.” And that’s just the end of the conversation really. And sure Jared’s still hurt by it, but also that was exactly how he expected it to go, so it’s not like he ever had his hopes up enough to be disappointed.

“Are you going to tell your mother?” Jared knows he probably shouldn’t, but part of him just wants to get it over and done with already. I mean really, it’s not like he’s ever tried to be subtle, his mum should probably know already just based off of some of the things Jared’s said over the years, but she’s probably in denial.

So Jared just thinks fuck it. She doesn’t have to like it but he’s sick of pretending.

Which ends up being a very bad decision. As expected she takes it very poorly. There’s a lot of yelling and it’s awful and she’s saying all the standard homophobic bullshit, and then she starts talking about kicking Jared out.

And Jared’s just in shock because... she can’t be serious. Like, this isn’t happening. She’s just angry, she doesn’t actually mean it. Right?

Wrong. Turns out she is absolutely serious. And Jared is just looking at his dad desperately because he hasn’t said a word this whole time, but he still says nothing.

Jared is just so scared and angry and hurt and in shock. Part of him wants to throw a tantrum and just kick and scream and refuse to leave unless his parents physically drag him out of the house.

But he’s in too much of a state of shock to really say or do anything. His dad helps him pack some things and tells Jared that his mum just needs some time to process and calm down, and that he’ll talk to her. Jared just nods numbly, but the unspoken questions lay heavy in the air. How long? Does Jared even want to come back after that? He’s starting to regret lying to his parents so much (”literally nothing I tell my parents is true and they have no idea”) because his dad probably assumes that Jared actually has friends or something that he could stay with for a little while.

His eyes are burning from the effort of holding back his tears because Jared is just stubbornly refusing to completely break down.

He’s still in such a state of shock that he’s kind of dissociating a bit, because next thing Jared knows is that he’s in his car and driving somewhere.

It takes him about 5 minutes to realise that he’s on autopilot and is driving to Evan’s house. Once he has that realisation Jared immediately pulls over because he can not go to Evan’s right now.

Partially because he’s seconds away from completely losing it and having a full-on breakdown, and he is just not in a place right now where he could fake being fine (and obviously breaking down in front of Evan is not an option because please, this is Jared we’re talking about). But also because showing up at Evan’s uninvited and asking to stay over would be pretty out of character for Jared, so if Heidi’s home she’s going to (correctly) assume something is wrong and call his parents, and Jared just... can’t deal with that right now.

So he just lets himself finally breakdown. Once he finally calms down he’s so exhausted from everything that he just quickly makes sure the doors are locked and falls asleep almost instantly.

Any hope that the previous day’s events had just been some kind of messed up nightmare is lost when he wakes up in his car and not his bed.

and Jared’s just... not sure what to do really. His dad seems to think that his mum just needs some time to calm down, but how long is Jared supposed to wait? Should he call? Just show up at home? He doesn’t want to be the one to reach out first because fuck that, but the waiting is going to drive him crazy.

He just feels so lost. So Jared kind of throws himself into planning shit so he can feel some sense of control. He figures he can sleep in his car. His parents paid for like 6 months of a gym membership for him for his birthday, which he’s pretty sure was just a passive aggressive comment about his weight, but boy is he grateful for it now because he figures he can go to the gym and shower. He can do his homework at the library. He figures he should buy one of those adapters so you can charge your phone from your car, or maybe a portable charger so he doesn’t risk killing his battery. Jared doesn’t really spend much, so despite not having a job he’s got a decent amount of money saved up just from birthdays and things over the years. Nothing is ideal but like, he can make it work.

Of course, Jared being Jared is incapable of asking for help so he just... doesn’t tell anyone.

He goes to school the next day, and eventually he’s got a little routine going. He sets his alarm on his phone really early on school days so he can go to the gym first. He does like... the absolute bare minimum amount of exercise to avoid suspicion before he showers. He stays late after school to do his homework in the library, and then once the school library closes he tends to go to the public library to either finish his homework or just take advantage of the free internet and watch youtube or something. He’s worked out the best place to park his car overnight so he’s inconspicuous and he’s relatively safe. Like, obviously he locks the doors and covers most of the windows, but it’s still kind of scary sleeping out in public sometimes.

But he hangs out with and stays over at Evan’s as much as possible. Which like, are the best nights of his week, but also sleeping at Evan’s house almost makes Jared feel worse? It just makes him acutely aware of everything he’s lacking right now.

But overall Jared is doing kind of ok, and he thinks he’s doing a pretty damn good job of acting like everything’s normal.

Which... he is absolutely not lmao. Evan and Alana and even a couple of Jared’s teachers are on to him (maybe Connor and Zoe too, although I haven’t decided if they’ll be in this or not). I mean, no one knows exactly what’s happened, but they can tell something is up.

Jared’s just been... off. He’s very flat and his shitty jokes have been a little harsher than usual lately. And Evan’s kind of confused about why Jared suddenly wants to hang out with him so much. Not that he’s complaining, he’s enjoying hanging out more with Jared, but it does seem weird. It’s weird that Jared stays over multiple times a week now, but Evan can barely remember the last time he went to Jared’s house. It’s weird that Jared never comes over if he knows Heidi will be home that night. It’s just... something’s not adding up and Evan can’t quite work out what.

Anyway, better end it here because wow I did not mean to make this so long lmao. It’d probably end with a confrontation, confession and ultimately Jared staying with Heidi and Evan for the foreseeable future. Plus one VERY angry confrontation with Jared’s parents from Heidi lol. I love angst, but I love an (at least somewhat) happy ending even better, so things would turn out alright in the end :)

[raiswriting]

dancing with your ghost

inspired by this song

warnings: symptoms that are similar to mental health issues like depression but never explicitly stated

genre: pure angst sorry

pairing: lucas/yukhei wong x reader

summary: ummm heartache???? basically the aftermath of a ‘hey let’s pretend to be dating bc i need someone to take to this wedding and you need someone to scare off your ex’ type of story

word count: 1582

a/n: lmao i am reposting this because it absolutely flopped the first time hehehe ALSO i made a playlist to go with this story. the first half or so is the same playlist that is mentioned in the story then the second half is more about the theme of it. i put way too much effort into it but i hope you enjoy it!! 

there was an emptiness that couldn’t be filled

an ache that couldn’t be soothed

a feeling of nostalgia for what never was

honestly you couldn’t be sure if this hole in your chest was a bad thing anymore. you’d grown so used to it that the thought of one day living with out it seemed so fantastical and out of reach. you found a sort of morbid comfort in the sorrow

time has slipped away as routine comfortably took its place. mondays became indistinguishable from wednesday or friday. the only thing separating saturday and sunday from the rest was the lack of work.

your thoughts drifted from the idea of getting up and taking a shower or even just washing your face to the cup of tea that’s been sitting on the coffee table and once more to your phone lying next to it. it lit up with yet another text message to which you would send yet another half-assed response of ‘id love to get together but work has been super busy lately and i need a me weekend.’ you wonder how many more ‘me weekends’ you’d be able to have before someone saw through it.

you just couldn’t have that face to face conversation with any of them. how do you explain that none of it was serious. or that all he needed was someone to take to family get-togethers for when his uncles would ask about his love life. or that you had grown so used to his hand in yours that the emptiness you felt when he wasn’t there scared you. or that you missed him. how could you look someone in the eyes and say that you had not only lost a love but also a best friend. how do you describe that hurt. how do you say that you feel unlovable. how.

you couldn’t say those thoughts aloud because as soon as you did they’d become real. he would really be gone. and happy. and in love. and you would have to admit that you were hurting. you’d have to admit that it was really over.

so instead you lay here on the sofa. and keep it all in. sometimes you can’t help but remember him. and how happy he’d been.

the knock on your door drew your attention from the sheet of cookies ready to go into the oven.

there he stood in the doorway with a smile so bright that it put the stars on the clearest of nights to shame.

‘hey y/n’ he pulled you into a warm embrace. the scent of his cologne was intoxicating. strong and inviting, the prefect reflection of his personality.

‘hey lucas. i wasn’t expecting to stop by today.’

‘yeah i just wanted to share some good news with you. like really good news. like i came here as fast as I could kind of news.’ he spoke so excitedly as he followed you back into the kitchen.

‘well spit it out,’ you reply while placing the sheet of cookies in the oven.

‘i found someone,’ his smile wider than ever.

you almost dropped the sheet of cookies as you took in what he said. you knew this day would come. the day he would find someone to actually love and care for. the day he no longer needed you. but still you hoped and prayed that maybe there was something there. maybe the secret touches shared between just the two of you actually meant something. that maybe he’d choose you.

he didn’t.

‘so get this. i was walking into the coffee shop on seventh street that me and you usually go to. and i bumped into this gorgeous girl and spilled her whole coffee so i offered to buy her a new one.’ he rubbed the back of his neck and looked to the floor. ‘so cheesy and cliché i know. but y/n this girl. we talked and talked and she made everything seem to….right. when I looked into her eyes i just felt…’ he sighed and leaned against the counter.

‘…like everything just seemed to make sense for once.’ you finished the sentence for him as you checked on the cookies.

‘yeah exactly’ he didn’t even try the hide his love struck expression. it was clear as day that he was really falling. ‘when i talked to her it was so easy. almost as if we knew each other for years.’

we did.

you looked him in the eyes for the first time since he broke the news and forced a smile to your face. you couldn’t even fathom the idea of ruining this for him.

‘lucas im ecstatic for you.’

‘really?’

‘of course. if there’s anyone who deserves true love and happiness in life, it’s you.’ and you meant that. it just hurts that he found it in someone else.

‘and hey. at least now you actually have someone to take to all your family functions.’

he chuckled lightly, ‘yeah you’re right. i don’t know if your cheeks could handle another one if aunt maya’s pinches.’

‘the pinches i could handle,’ you say as you forced a laugh out, ‘but I’d have to buy a gym membership if i had another dinner at your parents house.’

‘it’s not my fault mom loves insisting on third helpings’ this time he let out a full real laugh, remembering all the shared glances between the two of you at a dinner table. wondering how you could possibly eat another slice of meatloaf.

‘we can celebrate your new found love with some cookies, if you’d like. they should be done in a minute or two.’

the smile dropped slightly from his face. ‘oh y/n. i’d love to really but i promised angelina that i’d meet her again for coffee. i just stopped by the tell you the good news.’

‘of course, of course. you should get going then. a love like this comes around once in a life time.’ and who am i to stand in the way of someone living their lifetime.

lucas cast a sympathetic look before pushing himself off of the counter and embracing you once more.

‘thank you for everything y/n. seriously. you’ve helped me out so much. if you need anything let me know.’ his cologne was still so strong. and it hurt to know that someone else was going to experience it like this.

‘that’s what best friends are for lucas. you’ll be the first person i call when im sick and throwing up everywhere.’

you could feel him chuckle lightly before placing a kiss on the top of your head.

‘you got it y/n.’

the door shut, leaving you alone.

your hands shook as you took the cookies out of the oven and set the tray in the stove top. they shook as you turned it off. they shook as you took off the oven mits. they shook as you ran them down your face only to find them wet with tears. and they shook as you lowered yourself to the kitchen floor.

your hands were steady now and found their way to that playlist like muscle memory. you had long since deleted all the photos of you and him. but you just couldn’t find the strength to delete this. he had made it for you before the whole fiasco of pretending to be together had ever crossed either of your minds. he said that ‘these song remind me of us.’ and maybe you had gotten your own hopes up. maybe you had searched too deeply between the lines of lyrics. maybe you looked so hard that you had only found what you wanted to. because they were just songs. songs of bad timing and unrequited love. but at the end of the day still. just. songs.

as they played throughout the room. filling the stale silence as your body began to move, lifting you from the couch. your gaze landing on the sweater which rested on the arm of a chair. it was his. he had left it accidentally when spending the night here one time. you had meant to give it back for some time now but haven’t been able to. everytime you had gained the courage to call him and ask him over, he was busy. eventually you stopped calling. and he stopped texting. stopped checking in. so there the sweater sits. still smelling of him.

your body began to move once more reaching out for it and pulling it close to you. maybe if you breathed in enough of his scent, it’d feel like he was here with you again. of course it didn’t but it was as close you could get.

your hips swayed to the rhythm. as your feet worked their way around the living room. stepping over pillows and discarded take out. you danced for the first time in what felt like years. you felt the tears fall but paid them no mind. still clutching the article of clothing impossibly close to you, you sang along with the lyrics.

Yelling at the sky

Screaming at the world

Baby, why’d you go away?

I’m still your girl

Holding on too tight

Head up in the clouds

Heaven only knows

Where you are now

I stay up all night

Tell myself I’m alright

Baby, you’re just harder to see than most

I put the record on

Wait ‘til I hear our song

Every night I’m dancing with your ghost

Every night I’m dancing with your ghost

a/n: there it is. i was listening to this song today and got super inspired and just had to write. there’s also a reference to a hobo johnson song if you can find it ;) thanks for reading. let me know if you’d like a prequel to this when reader and lucas were together. i hope you enjoyed and pls feel free to leave constructive criticism. thanks, rai :)

[purplesurveys]

625

Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? This is usually me between 1 to 4 AM lmao. Do you get any magazines in the mail? No, I’ve never subscribed. When I still collected magazines I’d buy them at the mall, but we never use the subscription leaflet thingies that they’d insert inside. How many websites do you have an account for? Too many to count honestly, but I regularly use around over 15. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? I’m part of Spotify and Netflix memberships but I pay for neither. Gab lets me use her Spotify which is paid for by her parents. :(( and my dad pays for our Netflix family bundle. Do you try clothes on before you buy them? No, it’s so time-consuming and uncomfortable. I have a good idea of how my body is built anyway so I just pick up pieces I like and buy them.

Have you seen The Blindside? I tried watching, but it was so unbelievably boring and I never finished it. What's the best movie you've seen this year? Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Do you know how to fire a gun? No. I’ve never held a real one, ever. What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house? Take my dog and hide somewhere. Idk, I have a feeling the neighbors would be pretty unreliable so I don’t think screaming for help would do anything. I’d rather stuff taken than have anyone get hurt. Have you played the Sims 3, yet? I’ve never gotten to play it, no. What's your favorite type of pizza? I will always order quattro formaggi and nothing else.

Do you have a favorite local pizza place? Not really. My favorite branch is Yellow Cab, but I don’t have a favorite independent pizza place. What are you afraid of? Just because I recently got three injections to the roof of my mouth and it reminded me of my fear of these: needles. Have you ever been afraid of falling in love? Yeah. It was very scary for me while it was happening because it was with my best friend, and there was always that chance of our friendship crumbling if I tell her how I felt. Fortunately it didn’t go that route. How do you let someone know that you like them? I like to be straightforward and just tell them I like them. Have you ever asked a friend to ask someone else out for you? No. Who'd you last see in a tux? In any context, Ross Geller from Friends. In real life, it’d probably some dude in BGC since a lot of people there dress fashionably. Were you sad when Tim Urban got sent home on American Idol? I remember the name, but I don’t remember being enthusiastic over him during that season. I didn’t dislike him either though; I guess he was one of the contestants I didn’t particularly keep an eye on.   What about Jason Castro, 2 years ago? He was good but I didn’t like his genre, so I wasn’t too devastated when he was eliminated. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? My mom did this for us once with a movie that was premiering on the Disney Channel – Jump In – but otherwise, recording shows was never as popular here as much as it was in like the States. Do you have difficulty pronouncing any words? I hate having to pronounce the words beautiful and bureaucracy. Would you rather take a shower or a bath? Bath. I get to do it much less often, but I also find it infinitely more relaxing. How many times do you shower in a week? At least four and at most six. What brand's your cell phone? Apple. Have you ever sexted? In the past. Haven’t in a while though.

How many contacts do you have? I have...too many contacts to count manually. It doesn’t help that at one point, Gabie’s contacts synced to my phone as well so now I have a bunch of her numbers as well. I’ve just gotten too lazy to delete them this whole time so they’re all still just sitting on my contact list. Do you have your own computer? Yep, I’m using it right now. Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? If you’re talking about kindness, Laurice. If you’re talking about ambition and passion...I’d say probably Tina and Bryan. Who's the bravest person you know? Not so sure about that. I think everyone I know is all scared in their own way lmao. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? Gab, of course. And she has been having my back. Do you ever make up retarded words with your friends? First of all, dumb word choice. Second, no. Have your friends ever given you answers to homework, last minute? I think we all did these for each other back in high school minutes before algebra period. Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? Back in high school, I guess Gab was a little sportsy. I know she played softball and before that, basketball. She isn’t much into sports these days though. Are you any good at writing? I can write mean essays and research papers, but you can’t pay me to come up with a poem or short story. What's your favorite form of writing? I like learning and picking up new info more than anything else so I like reading educational stuff in a Wikipedia-like format, honestly. I’m not sure how else to describe that haha. What do you think about Lil Wayne? The autotune is a little weird but other than that I don’t really care for him. Lil Wayne Vs. Eminem...?? :S Probably Lil Wayne? Eminem has his fair share of problematic lyrics over the years and Lil Wayne has just always struck me as super chill lol. Have you ever given up on someone before? Sure. Did you end up regretting it later in life? Never. I tend to give people so many chances to get better so once I finally cut them out, it just means they’ve fucked up enough for me not to regret finally giving up on them. Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? Yes. Have you ever read Shakespeare? I had to read Shakespeare in high school. R&J for freshman year, Merchant of Venice in sophomore year, Macbeth in junior year, Hamlet in senior year. How come no one knows what MGMT is on here? Sorry to make you feel worse but I had to Google that too just now. What did you dream about last night? Nah, I straight up passed out last night. I was too tired. Have you ever looked up the meaning to a dream? Sure, especially if the dream was a nightmare. Have you ever tried to change someone? No, I don’t think I’ve done this before. Can anyone really change anyone that doesn't wanna change? That’s a pretty deep question, but I’m not in the mood to dive in much so I’ll just say it’ll always be a different reaction from person to person. Do you thnk that anyone currently has a crush on you? Other than my girlfriend, I doubt it. What profession do you admire the most? Those that have to deal with ALL KINDS of people, honestly. Servers, cashiers, salespeople in stores, grocery clerks, etc. Mad fucking respect. I’m sorry for the boomers and Gen X people who flip out over the smallest things, babies who spill shit everywhere, customers who nag way too much, and for all the Karens and the Barbaras of the world. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? I don’t think I ever did this. What's the hardest lesson you've ever had to learn? World doesn’t stop for your grief. What are you wearing right now? I am wearing the blue dress I wore out today because I am too lazy to change. Do you miss your ex? No ex. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? If they are a dick and if they are loud, because most of the ones I’ve encountered tick both of these boxes. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Yes. I still do these days. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be and why? Money. We have more than enough and I’m always grateful, but it’s a very human thing to always be wanting more of it anyway, and I fall under that tendency as well.

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 8x02: “What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?”

THEN: Dean’s back from Purgatory. Dean had some assistance from a vampire in getting out. Cas didn’t make it out. Kevin, our new reluctant Prophet. The demon tablet and the vital info it has.

Chicago, Illinois.

Box #1.

An “extremely valuable” bone.

This bank teller was so sweet.

RIP bank teller. Killed by Mr. Vili.

“Is it too much to ask if we can swing by and check on my mom?”

"’Swing by?’ It's a day's drive in the opposite direction. You know that, right?”

Come on, Dean.

“He's [Crowley] probably got the place stacked with bodyguards right now, protecting her so that when you do show up, they'll pounce on you both.” That’s a fair point...but come on, man. Let the kid see his mom.

“Can you really not understand why I want to make sure she's okay?” Kevin got you there.

Neighbor, Michigan.

Mrs. Tran!

Dean can pick out all the demons: the mailman and the gardener.

RIP demon. Killed by Dean.

RIP other demon. Killed by Sam.

(Some poor bastard had to find those bodies.)

:’)

Backwards exorcism, NICELY DONE SAM!

RIP Eunis/demon. Killed by Dean.

“Mrs. Tran, your friend was possessed by a demon.”

“Have you ever seen ‘The Exorcist’?”

“Is that what you've been doing all year – watching television?”

pfft.

“Prophet of the Lord, huh? It does have a nice ring to it.” It does!

Kevin already knew that Sam and Dean wouldn’t be able to convince his mom not to come.

“It's not my soul I'm worried about. It's my son's.” Like a good mother. :’)

“Kevin, you want to back us up here? Came all the way down here to pull her out of the fire, and now she wants to jump right back in.”

“Like I can tell her what to do.”

The Trans gotta get tatted.

ohhh

“What, like it's my first tattoo?” YAS, MAMA TRAN’S A LEGEND

Tattoo time!

Mrs. Tran’s getting tattooed like a champ!

I love how she holds out her hand for Kevin to hold. How sweet.

Laramie, Wyoming.

“All right. Positive thoughts.”

Welp. The power of positive thinking did nothing. The tablet’s gone.

Sam and Dean suited up quick.

Clem Smedley.

We’re gonna good cop/extreme bad cop this one.

Purgatory Flashback!!

“Where’s the angel?”

OOOHHHHH.

I’M MCLOSING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIP monster. Killed by Dean.

What a great scene.

Impala > European car. Any day.

Lyle.

“That your car outside?”

“What's it to you, mail-order?”

EXCUSE ME.

“I got it. I notice you're driving with expired tags, maybe because you just acquired it in a trade, and I'm guessing that means you haven't registered it yet, which means you haven't paid the tax. Is that correct?”

LINDA MOTHERFUCKING TRAN.

“Kevin, average blue book on a 2010 Ferrari F430 Spider?”

“$217,000.”

“And the 5% Wyoming tax?”

“$10,850.”

“$10,000. Something tells me you're the type who might balk at a tax bill that big.”

“W-what is this, an FBI audit?”

“No. But my brother, who happens to work for the Wyoming tax assessor's office could arrange that if he thought something untoward was happening here. So what's it going to be – the tablet or that piece of Eurotrash crap you call a car?”

She’s the best!!!!

Beau.

They have been cordially invited to a supernatural auction.

“I am the right hand of a God, after all – Plutus, specifically.”

“Is that even a planet anymore?”

Aww come on, Dean.

Instead of saying ”fine”, Beau says “copacetic”. Fancy.

“Well, thank you, Mr. Peanut!”

SAM. NO. NOT THE CAR.

“They didn't mean it, baby.”

Damn it, Dean.

HOW MANY FREAKING WEAPONS DID HE TRY TO SMUGGLE IN?

Clever of them to cover up the tablet so no one could read it. Plan A is out, as usual.

Hello again, Crowley.

Mothers and punching the rulers of Hell. My favorite thing.

“Listen to Moose, Squirrel.” Dean’s first “squirrel”.

Oh my god, I almost forgot! Samandriel aka Alfie. (Did Naomi send him?)

“You know, there are some in Heaven who still believe, despite his mistakes, that Castiel's heart was always in the right place.”

“Are you one of them?”

“I think too much heart was always Castiel's problem.”

The iconic line.

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT.

Cas probably thinking “Damn it, he found me.”

Their first hug.

“Damn, it’s good to see you. Nice peach fuzz.”

Dean’s so happy to see Cas. He introduces Benny and Cas like they’re at the bar, grabbing some drinks and not in the middle of Purgatory, being hunted at every moment.

“Why'd you bail on Dean?” Benny’s going there immediately. 

“Look, we were surrounded, okay? Some freak jumped Cas. Obviously, he kicked its ass, right?”

“No.”

“What?”

“I ran away.”

S h i t.

“You bailed out and, what, went camping? I prayed to you, Cas, every night.”

“I know.”

k i l l me.

“Cas, we're getting out of here. We're going home.” I could honestly cry.

“Purgatory has an escape hatch, but I got no idea if it's angel-friendly.”

“We'll figure it out. Cas, buddy, I need you.”

And the hits just keep a-coming.

“Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you. Understand?”

“I understand.”

Cas internally deciding he’d go with Dean as far as he can...before letting him go.

[This, what happened in and out of Purgatory, was when I realized how much Dean loved Cas. Here is where I started shipping Destiel full time. I have no regrets.]

Plan B is hacked credit cards, $2,000 in cash, and a Costco membership card.

“Let's start the bidding with, um, three tons of dwarven gold?” Plan B is out.

Time for Plan C...whatever that may be.

“This isn't the men's room.” lmao Dean.

Mjolnir.

Our bank teller...and Sam’s disturbance at that.

Plan C is freaking gone.

Plan D.

The bid off between Samandriel and Crowley is hilarious.

Kevin’s up for bidding alongside the tablet.

“No, stop! I'll give you whatever you want. I have a 401(K), my house.”

“Good effort, Ms. Tran, but I'm afraid this is a little out of your price range.”

Sacrifice > quantity.

“This little lady's soul is the most valuable thing she has. It's everything. Are you willing to offer everything, Mr. Crowley?”

Shut up, lmao.

Mrs. Tran wins the bid...and loses her soul.

“Losing my soul – is it going to hurt?”

“Probably.”

“Will I die?”

“No. You'll just wish you were dead.”

That’s coming from the person who had first-hand experience at being soulless.

“Dean, this sucks.”

“Are you kidding me? We're about to close the gates of Hell forever. If you ask me, we got off cheap.”

But it still sucks.

Samandriel offers to take and protect Kevin.

“Oh, no, no. The last time that angels tried to help my son, I watched them die, and Kevin went missing for a year.”

They kept up the continuity there.

I wonder how Mr. Vili was worthy of Mjolnir.

“What are you gonna do with her soul?”

“Whatever I want. I might sell it, or maybe I'll just tuck it away with my other precious objects, let them keep me warm at night.”

Eww, skeevy much?

Crowley, goddamn you.

“And all it cost me was an island in the South Pacific. I love a bargain.” Beau was cheap.

RIP Plutus. Killed by Crowley.

RIP other guy. Killed by Crowley.

Sam is worthy!

RIP Beau. killed by Sam.

“Where'd you get the 5/8 of a virgin?”

RIP Mr. Vili Killed by Sam.

Sam should’ve kept that the Hammer.

Damn it, Dean. You should’ve just exorcised him.

“I know we're not mates, Kevin, but one word of advice – run. Run far and run fast. 'Cause the Winchesters – well, they have a habit of using people up and watching them die bloody.” Big yikes. That’s gonna stick with Kevin and Dean for a good while.

:( Mrs. Tran was catatonic after that.

“It was Crowley, Sam. No matter what meat suit he's in, I should have knifed him. I mean, yeah, it would have sucked, and I would have hated myself, but what's one more nightmare, right?” oof.

Kevin and Mrs. Tran are gone.

GODDAMN IT.

[tastyjin]

Happy Accidents

In a world where soulmates can feel what the other feels, Hoseok meets Yoongi on Club Penguin, not knowing that 1. they possibly know each other IRL and 2. are soulmates. After an incident in class, Yoongi finds out who jdope23 really is.

Title: Happy Accidents

Word count: 3.7k+

Pairing: Yoongi x Hoseok

Type: soulmate au, club penguin au, college au

Genre: not really fluff but no smut so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Warnings: minor swearing. Mentions of poop. You might overdose because of how much crack this fic is on.

Author’s note: this is my first ever fic so pls don’t come for me if it’s bad, I’m not the best writer lmao. This fic is in no way making fun of writers or anything; I genuinely had a fun time writing this and hope you enjoy it. Sorry if there’s spelling errors, I’m only human.

Requests are open!

Club penguin was a “free” multiplayer online game where people, 6 years old and up, could enter a virtual world. There you could play as a cartoon penguin, taking part in missions and games to earn coins and buy super cool merchandise, ranging from clothes to furniture, in order to complete your feng shui goals in your very own igloo!

However to be considered the hippest penguin on the slopes, you had to have a paid membership. With this membership came unlimited perks such as: being able to take part in every penguin activity on the server and even buying up to 75 Puffles— small furry pets that had no limbs and only ate Puffle-Os (whatever that is).

When you were not joining in on events and missions you could waddle around and make friends! Club penguin offered many places where penguins could chat and chill (haha get it). Were you tired from sliding down the ski slopes and in need of something scrumptious to eat? Say no more! You could head to the pizza parlor where you could relax, eat pizza, and connect with your penguin pals! Besides the parlor, there were many other places you could use the ultimate safe chat or the regular safe chat to talk to other players (let’s be honest though the ultimate safe chat was only created for 5 year olds who didn’t know how to type in the first place).

That’s how Min Yoongi (aka sugasweet66) met Jung Hoseok (aka jdope23) on one cool Monday afternoon at the pizza parlor.

Min Yoongi was a music major with a bad case of sleeping for 12+ hours a day. He had started playing club penguin at the ripe age of 17, during his senior year of high school. At first it was just a joke between his friends but it soon become much more than that.

“Hyung have you heard of this new online game that was just released a few years ago?” Namjoon asked as him, Yoongi, and Jin sat at the computer section of the library. Yoongi didn’t care enough to answer him so instead he just turned his gaze from the music video he was watching (promiscuous by nelly furtado ft timbaland) to Namjoon’s computer screen.

On it was the intro screen to a game he vaguely made out to be called club penfin or something to that extent. Yoongi’s English was not perfect.

“What is that?” Jin sat back in his chair in slight disgust, was he really spending his only study period watching Namjoon play some game where his avatar was a fat ugly penguin? I mean who chooses yellow for a skin color?

“It’s called club penguin, it’s an online multiplayer game where you’re a penguin and do missions and shit. Look I just put a table in my igloo!” Namjoon pointed excitedly at his screen, where there in his white barren igloo sat a brown wooden coffee table.

Jin scoffed as he continued to watch Namjoon mess around with his igloo. After a couple seconds of seeing Namjoon have a mini heart attack because he thought he had accidentally bought the membership, Yoongi looked back at his screen curious. The game, although probably a complete joke, looked mildly entertaining.

Therefore that same day Yoongi went home and loaded up his computer, typing www.clubpenguin.com into the url tab.

Ever since then Yoongi would come home from school and religiously play club penguin. He became very invested in the game, even going so far as to buying the membership. Over the years, Yoongi cultivated an image of being one of the coolest penguins on the server. Or should I say, sugasweet66 became known as the it penguin.

Everyone admired and wanted to be sugasweet66. Of course most people playing were 10 year olds but that didn’t stop Yoongi, a 24 year old college student, from adoring the praise and compliments given to his penguin on a daily basis.

On the other hand, Jung Hoseok was far from popular in the virtual world of club penguin. Similar to Yoongi, Hoseok was a dance major who had stumbled upon the online game one day while sitting in a gaming café with his three best friends: Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung.

JustinSeagull97 has created a group chat

JustinSeagull97: hey hyungs clck the lnk I’m abt 2 snd

Mochiboy: are you having a seizure? What’s wrong with your typing?

Taetae95: ^^^^

JustinSeagull97: it’s quickr ths way

JustinSeagull97 shared a link with the group chat

Jdope23: what’s the link?

Mochiboy: is that the link to that game you’re playing right now?

Taetae95: oh is that club penguin?!

Jdope23: club what?

JustinSeagull97: it’s an adventre gme where u ply as a pnguin n it’s rlly fun pls ply w me

Jdope23: can someone kick Jungkook off the gc if he continues typing like that??

Mochiboy: yeah I got it hyung dw

JustinSeagull97: no pls dnt kck me out ffs

Taetae95: kookie did you just swear???

Jdope23: jimin you know what to do

JustinSeagull97: lol he wnt do it

Mochiboy has kicked JustinSeagull97 from the chat

Taetae95: now can we play some CP?

Jdope23: sure ig

Mochiboy: ^^^^

From that day on Hoseok and his friends met at the gaming café almost everyday to play club penguin together. Although only Jungkook bought the membership, the four still had immense fun playing the online game. That’s why Hoseok continued to play even after he entered college.

Of course Hoseok would still meet occasionally with his bffs to play, he was usually only ever able to play the game in the dorms because being a dance major meant dedicating many hours to practicing.

It was right before Hoseok left for college when he met Yoongi on Club Penguin.

Hoseok had just finished packing for college when he decided to play a bit of his favorite game. He sat down at his computer desk with a content sigh; his back was beginning to kill him and he felt sympathy for whoever his soulmate was.

Living in a world where your soulmate feels whatever you feel was particularly hard for Hoseok. Of course being a dancer meant that one was prone to getting injuries and aches, but Hoseok felt immense guilt every time he twisted an ankle or missed a step while dancing and bruised his knees. Hoseok didn’t want to inflict pain onto his soulmate, whether it be purposely or not. That’s why he dedicated himself to perfecting every dance move in order to ensure that his soulmate would not be receiving pain from his doing.

Smiling to himself at the thought, Hoseok entered his username and password and was soon logged on to the club penguin server. He debated calling his best friends and telling them to get on as well; on one hand he’d have people to play with but on the other, Taehyung would most likely make Hoseok spend all his coins on stupid shit.

Deciding against it, Hoseok clicked on the map icon on his screen and soon his green colored penguin was standing in the pizza parlor. There were only a handful of penguins there but Hoseok didn’t mind at all.

A small smile spread across his lips as he began to type on his light up keyboard he had spent all summer saving up for.

Jdope23: hello everyone!

Hoseok clicked on a button and watched as his penguin did a circular motion with its hips and arms. He laughed as a few penguins around him copied his ministrations and greeted him. 

He then made his penguin sit down at one of the table in the pizzeria, striking up a conversation with a pink penguin with a super cool fedora on. 

UssySleigher: hello fellow penguin have you heard the news? It’s karaoke night tonight! 

Jdope23: seriously?? How does that work...

UssySleigher: you just stand on the stage and sing... have you never done karaoke before?

Jdope23: I know that it’s just.. never mind. When’s it starting?

UssySleigher: right now.

Hoseok raised a brow as he leaned in to watch as a black penguin with brown spiked hair, wearing a teal shirt with dark stripes, waddled up to the stage. He nearly choked when he read the penguin’s username: sugasweet66.

“What does that even mean?” Hoseok thought as the mysterious penguin took the stage.

Sugasweet66: hello everyone it’s d boy here to use my tongue technology to spit some sick beats 

Hoseok watched as no penguin except the one with the fedora replied to sugasweet66’s words. 

UssySleigher: let’s get it! 

Hoseok shook his head and watched as the black penguin on stage began to breakdance. He couldn’t help but laugh as the penguin began his “performance”.

Sugasweet66: I love it when you call me big poppa

Sugasweet66: Throw your hands in the air, if you'se a true player

Sugasweet66: To the honies gettin' money playin' dudes like dummies

Sugasweet66’s performance went on for another 3 minutes as he rapped the entire big poppa song. At the end of it, Hoseok was in tears and didn’t hesitate to make his penguin clap. He even laughed so hard that he fell off his chair a bit and bumped his knee on the desk. 

“Ow god damn.” Hoseok hissed, rubbing his knee. He glanced back at the screen to see other penguins clapping and even dancing in response to sugasweet66’s performance. 

Sugasweet66: DAEGUUUUUUUU

And with that last line the black penguin waved and made its way off the stage. Hoseok immediately grabbed his mouse and clicked next to sugasweet66, watching as his penguin waddled towards them. For some odd reason, Hoseok wanted to be friends with this intriguing penguin. Not only was their rap game strong but he was genuinely curious about them. He typed furiously on his keyboard as sugasweet66 made their way over to the counter of the pizza parlor.

Jdope23: That was an awesome performance! 

At first the penguin he was now next to didn’t answer but after a couple seconds of waiting, Hoseok got a reply.

Sugasweet66: you want an autograph or smth?

Hoseok snorted. He couldn’t believe that was what sugasweet66 took a full minute to come up with.

Jdope23: sure 

Sugasweet66: i don’t have a pen... or fingers 

Jdope23: maybe next time then

Hoseok found himself smiling at his screen for the second time today, his hand went to his mouse and in a few seconds Hoseok had added the strange penguin. Now all he had to do was wait for sugasweet66 to accept his request.

Sugasweet66: why did you send me a friend request 

Jdope23: I want to break into your igloo 

Sugasweet66: ok

Hoseok’s computer made a ding sound notifying him that someone had accepted his friend request and he knew exactly who that was. 

Sugasweet66. 

And that’s how their friendship started. After that fateful night, sugasweet66 and Jdope23 began meeting up almost everyday on the server. They’d usually hang out at Yoongi’s igloo because he was a member, meaning his igloo was a lot more decorous than Hoseok’s. 

The two would go on missions and do almost everything together. Basically they were conjoined at the pixelated penguin hip. They learned a lot about each other over the course of the two years they had played together, for example: what their favorite colors were and how many nipples they had. Although somehow they had never thought to share their real names with each other, possibly because that sort of topic was not usually discussed during their super cool hangouts at, as Yoongi called it, the genius lab. 

Even after Yoongi’s penguin started gaining traction did they still hang out as if they were both just two lame dudes playing club penguin (because I mean, they were). Yoongi would still meet up with Hoseok everyday in the game and Hoseok would continuously beg Yoongi to buy him stuff with his membership perks. It was a pleasant cycle that occurred daily until one fateful afternoon, it halted.

It was a particularly warm spring morning when Yoongi was sitting in the back rows of the lecture hall, listening to his music theory teacher drone on about god knows what. It was his last day of classes before spring break and to say he was relieved was an understatement.  

Yoongi was feeling exhausted with his workload lately. Balancing a job at the café, his schoolwork, and his fame on club penguin was strenuous and took a toll on him. He was more than ready to just sleep off the stress he had been feeling for the entirety of the break. 

Propping his elbow on his desk and placing his head in his hand, Yoongi kept his gaze trained on the board where his teacher was currently writing notes. He was absentmindedly jotting them down when he became uncomfortably warm. He moved to take off his leather jacket quietly and after a few seconds he had succeeded, placing the article of clothing on the empty seat next to him. 

However he still couldn’t seem to cool down. If anything, taking off his jacket only made him hotter (and not in the way that he would’ve liked).

Yoongi began to shift in his seat, sitting up straight for a second to find that his black shirt was now stuck to his back due to his body’s perspiration.  

“What the hell is happening?” Yoongi began to panic, “Is this what menopause feels like?” 

He began to look around the room, making sure none of his classmates were witnessing his potential loss of his menstrual cycle. 

“Wait... don’t only women menstruate?” Yoongi soon became confused but luckily, the lecture hall was mostly empty today and those who were here were not paying any attention to his breakdown. 

“Okay okay so if I’m not entering menopause then what is going on?” Yoongi, no longer paying attention to today’s lesson, was now using his kumumon folder to fan himself. The heat didn’t seem to subside as a strong wave of pain hit his abdomen. Holding back a groan, he grabbed his stomach in agony and began to rub it, hoping the notion would somehow soothe the now aching organ. 

“This must be what giving birth feels like.” Yoongi thought, pulling out his iPhone 4s to webMD his symptoms and see if he was about to meet the face of the grim reaper. However before he could even put his folder down and reach into the pocket of his black skinny jeans, another wave of pain washed over him, stronger than the last. 

Unlike last time, Yoongi was unable to hold back his groans. It was like someone had just stabbed his abdomen with a knife and proceeded to shove a dildo in the wound to stop the bleeding. He closed his eyes momentarily and began to try and control his uneven breathing.

A few students began to send confused looks Yoongi’s way however the teacher didn’t seem to notice or if he did, he really didn’t seem to care enough to say anything. 

Yoongi continued to keep his eyes closed, his breathing returning to a somewhat normal pace. His stomach was still in pain though and his sweating didn’t seem to ease up. Yoongi glanced at the clock to see how much time was left until class would end and he could sprint to the bathroom, not sure what was going on with his body but knowing the bathroom seemed like the right place to be right about now. The pain began to crescendo and he squeezed his eyes shut when it became unbearable; he abruptly stood up when he felt an all too familiar feeling hit him. He couldn’t wait to run to the bathroom, he had to go now. 

Ignoring the stares he was getting from both his teacher and his classmates, he began to climb down the stairs, cursing at himself that he picked today of all days to sit all the way in the back. He was simultaneously rubbing his stomach with one hand as the other held his belongings. The teacher was saying something to him but at this point all sound became muffled to him. All Yoongi was worried about was making it to the restroom in time before-

Oh no.

It was too late.

Just as he had reached the last step his butt cheeks unclenched and a whoosh of unrestrained air, that crackled and snapped like unbounded thunder, echoed throughout the hall. At first, Yoongi was relieved because he began to feel better immensely. Maybe all he needed was to break a little wind. However, it seemed that that was only the calm before the storm, or should Yoongi say, the hurricane.

The room remained silent as it seemed everyone was frozen in time. Some students mouths were agape and others were in utter disgust. 

Yoongi had made the grave mistake of trusting that one single fart because all of a sudden, as if Noah had just parted the Red Sea that was Yoongi’s ass cheeks, shit had began to leak out of his booty. It was like the dam had broke and shit was flooding Yoongi’s boxer briefs. Shrieks and profanities originating from the students rang out into the room. Yoongi felt his face heat up, knowing at this point he must be as red as Ronald McDonald’s wig. He couldn’t move nor could he make himself say something, anything to mend the situation. Because in all honestly, there was no coming back from this.

The smell coming from his bottom was deadly and many of the students, suddenly coming in contact with the horrid scent, began to evacuate the room. Even his teacher, who just shot Yoongi a less than amused look, pinched his nose and ran out of the room. Everyone was gagging, even Yoongi because this was one shit that he didn’t enjoy the smell of.

Yoongi was the only one left in the room when he finally stopped shitting himself (literally and figuratively). It wasn’t like he could move anyways, his pants were so full of crap he couldn’t move one inch without it sliding down his legs and making more of a mess than he already was. He couldn’t believe this had happened to him today; he should’ve known not to eat the gas station gimbap his roommate had brought home last night. 

Yoongi could stew on that topic later however, right now he needed to come up with a solution on how the hell he was going to get back to his dorm without trailing diarrhea behind him. ——— After the whole “shit and get” fiasco, Yoongi had managed to make it home. Currently he was sitting at his laptop, staring at the club penguin log in screen. He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to waddle around the server after what had happened. Although he soon came to the conclusion that if there was anything that could make him feel better, it was club penguin. So Yoongi logged onto the server and was met with his decked out igloo. A small smile appeared on his face when he saw that his bestie, jdope23, was also online. He didn’t hesitate to send a quick message to them, telling them to come to his igloo ASAP. Already Yoongi was starting to be in better spirits, almost forgetting the events that occurred today. Almost. 

Within the span of a few minutes jdope23 had appeared in the genius lab, waddling around and messing with yoongi’s things. Yoongi just rolled his eyes, a silly grin plastered on his face as he watched the green penguin start to break dance on the mini dance floor Yoongi had in his igloo.

Sugasweet66: hey wassup nerd

Jdope23: nothing much 

Yoongi began to type back a response when another chat bubble appeared on his screen. 

Jdope23: Lmao sumthin funny happen today tho 

Yoongi furrowed his brows as he typed back. 

Sugasweet66: wut

Jdope23: literally best day eva

He sighed at this, it definitely wasn’t the best day ever for him. 

Sugasweet66: u gonna tell me or 

Jdope23: someone shattered their pants in class HA

Yoongi choked. He literally choked on the saliva forming in his mouth. He couldn’t be? No there was no way on God’s green earth that jdope23 was talking about what had happened to him today in class. 

Sugasweet66: LOL I dnt believe u 

Jdope23: no 4 rEAL! It happen in my music theory class 

Jdope23: this dood let it all go right before the bell rang and it smelled like someone opened a 50 year old tub of mayo

Yoongi thought he would drop dead right then and there. His palms were sweaty and his stomach began to ache at the memories of today. Not only was jdope23 a person in his class but he had witnessed Yoongi’s shitdown!

Sugasweet66: That me

Sugasweet66: I the one who crapped his pants 

Jdope23: Lmao wut

Sugasweet66: I pooped my pants today in class!! You witnessed me let the floodgates of my a$$ break free

Jdope23: oh

Jdope23: OH

At this moment in time Hoseok was sitting in his dorm room, staring at his computer screen in complete and utter shock. The person he had been playing club penguin with for over 2 years now, sugasweet66, was actually someone he knew in real life. Someone who, not only was in his music theory class, but was his potential soulmate.

To Hoseok it sounded crazy but it all oddly made sense. The reason why Hoseok felt like he was going to shit himself today was because the boy who actually did shit himself in his class was actually his soulmate! He had always had an infatuation with said boy but never was able to get the courage to introduce himself.

Now he had multiple reasons to strike up a conversation.

The fact that sugasweet66 turned out to be the shitty boy in his class, who was also his soulmate, was merely coincidence but Hoseok felt like it was fate. It was fate that the owner of sugasweet66 shat himself in their music theory class, it was fate that the two had become penguin besties on the most amazing online game (and dating website) to ever exist.

Hoseok was overjoyed to say the least. 

Jdope23: I think we’re soulmates 

Sugasweet66 was temporarily banned from club penguin for using the phrase “what the actual flying fuck you talking about egghead”.

The end?

[bitch-a-la-mode]

I literally only have a part time job right now and I have an 800 credit score. It’s scary at first but you can do this. Here are some extra tips I’ve learned:

GET THE CREDIT KARMA APP AND TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS (literally credit karma breaks all of this down and warns you if you’re spending too much).

This might sound tricky but honestly get two credit cards. I have two. One for bills that’s automatically charged and paid each month. The other is for shopping and going out and stuff.

Automatic payments save lives just set them up (unless you’re really good at keeping track of that stuff). Also it’s good to set up the payment a few days before it’s due (my payment is due on the 4th of each month so I pay it the 1st of each month).

It’s also important to go through your transactions every so often. I was accidentally paying $10/month for a subscription I no longer used. I called the credit card company and had it removed. I also got $50 back for that.

I honestly suggest using credit cards over debit cards, especially at sketchy stores, websites, etc. If your debit cards are ever hacked or stolen, most companies won’t give you that money back (or that full amount). With credit cards that’s the banks money and if you call about a sketchy transaction, they WILL look into it (my sisters info got stolen and someone bought tickets to Florida lmao. They caught the dude in like 30 hours and the charges were dropped from her account).

There are four types of balances you can pay: the current balance, the statement balance, a “custom” balance and the minimum balance. ALWAYS try to pay the statement balance each month to avoid interest. If you can’t, try and pay a little bit above the minimum balance. Even if the minimum is $25, try and pay $30. That would be a “custom” balance and it looks better on your credit than paying the min.

The current balance and statement balance are not the same. Current balance is how much you owe altogether. Statement balance is how much you owe between a billing period. Credit karma explains this in better terms. But like I said, always try your best to pay the statement balance to avoid interest.

Store credit cards are the easiest to get. Do not apply for a card you’re not qualified to get. You may get denied and that will ruin your credit even more. Try getting a store one (I have a gap credit card) and then try and get one from your bank (I also have an actual chase credit card). Credit cards from big name banks are hard to get cuz they want people with good credit, so you need to find one not from a bank cuz there’s a higher chance you’ll get it, especially with low/no credit.

There are these things called hard and soft inquires. They are “effects” on your credit. Soft ones go away in a couple months (using more than 10% of your credit limit). Hard ones can take years to go away (getting denied a card, canceling a card, etc.). Hard ones can effect if you get loans, mortgages, etc. so be careful.

NEVER CANCEL A CREDIT CARD ACCOUNT. That can effect your credit very badly. If you don’t use the card for a while and there are no outstanding payments, the card account will close automatically. That’s better than closing it, so do that if need be (but only do this if you really need to cuz this will also effect your credit).

Some credit cards have yearly fees. However, if you call your company and ask to remove it, they sometimes do, especially if you have good credit. My card has a $50 yearly membership fee and I called and asked them to remove it and they did (because I had good credit). Just be polite and like 90% of the time they’ll do it.

Try and get cards with benefits like cash back. My sister loves to travel so she got a card with airline points. She hasn’t bought a plane ticket with her actual money in years. Get ones that will actually benefit you though. If you don’t travel don’t get one with airline points. Get one that’ll give you benefits relative to what you regularly buy. I have a gap credit card cuz that’s where I get most of my nicer/professional clothes. Nerd wallet is a nice place to narrow down your card choices. It’s like getting phones, find out what qualities you want and pick them out based off of that.

And finally, I know it’s hard, but please try not to spend more than you have. Sometimes you forget or emergencies happen and that’s okay, but be aware. Always go through your transactions and have the apps for your banks/cards. Keep your notifications on and check the email set up with your accounts. If you do go over, just make sure to pay it gradually, or set aside money to pay it off. Your credit will always fluctuate based on random rules and concepts, but it’ll always bounce back if you keep an eye on it. Just try not to buy a house or something when it’s low.

I’ll add more if I learn more lmao

Different Strokes?

I think I left the teller at the bank genuinely disturbed when I told him that “If I can’t afford it, I just don’t buy it.”  “What about a car? Do you drive a car?” he inquired, his voice toning on the edge of fear.   I told him, “Yeah, I have a vehicle. I bought it used for under $3,000.”  He looked physically pained. “What about if you want to buy some kind of new appliance? Or furniture?” he persisted. I stared at him blankly. “My couch was $5.00 at Goodwill. Like…I just buy shit cheap or I don’t buy it at all. The only thing in my life that I make payments on is my house, my bills, and my insurance, and that’s split five ways because I have housemates.”  The young man looked horrified? Appalled? And somehow also awed?  This guy couldn’t have been much older than me. But it seemed that he’d never even considered the option before of saving up for something to purchase it outright instead of using a credit card. Am I the only person in my general age group (just turned 26) who’s never owned a credit card, and who has forgone basic comforts in order to save up for items so you don’t owe money to anyone, like, ever? 

[zucca101]

Response: The 3rd

Mmm. I'm going to avoid wasting any more of my time and giving you more opportunity to spout your patent nonsense while inviting people to seek me out and harass me from now on, but here goes (hint: if you -actually- didn't want this you wouldn't post it out in public, fucko.)

Sorry but… did you just use the phrase ‘patent nonsense’ in the same sentence as ‘Inviting people to seek me out and harass me’ after not one, but two disclaimers I put BEFORE the thing began, not just urging, but demanding that people NOT seek you out?

I knew the public school system is FUBAR and all, but I didn’t think reading comprehension had suffered *that* much…

Further, you blocked me. What was I supposed to do? I knew you skim this blog so I figured I’d make the rebuttals here while protecting your anonyminity. And considering nobody has guessed so far, I’d say I’m doing a pretty decent job.

Seriously, they think you’re someone else entirely. Someone who I’m on great terms with these days ;P

It's really telling you managed to provide literally no evidence behind your claim that Sargon is somehow left-wing, especially when all his stated views within the past few years fall right into the modern day conservative mainstream.

What do you want me to do? Link you videos you won’t watch or articles you won’t read?

ALL his stated views do not fall on the Conservative side, amigo. Roughly 40% of his political opinion I disagree with. But he’s intellectually honest and someone on the Left who I trust. He defends Liberalism, saying it’s not all SJWs and economic illiterates, and I’m inclined to agree with him.

I also never implied the ACA was perfect, but it's an improvement over the system that was in place beforehand, even if the fact it puts loads of money into insurers' pockets and still leaves tons of people uncovered is a massive problem.

I never said you said that the ACA was perfect. And almost exactly like Net Neutrality, it’s a solution in search of a problem, funded by massive corporations who have managed to fool you and millions others into thinking that monopolizing themselves is in the country’s best interests.

Our Healthcare System is the envy of many.

Out Health Insurance system was pretty meh.

You’ll get you argument from me that it needed improvement. But that was not the way to go about it…

The ACA did not address the problems sufficiently and now it’s fouled things up because it was designed to fail so that things would be pushed towards a Single Payer system.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/editorials/ct-obamacare-fail-health-care-insurance-medicine-0911-jm-20160909-story.html

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2017/may/28/obamacare-failure-not-caused-by-trump/

I’m not obfuscating a bloody thing here, friend. It was literally incapable of success.

If you were to actually look up the history of the bill, you could see you can blame the Republicans for that one.

You mean how the Bill was made entirely by the Soros-funded foundations?

Don’t even go there. I was following this thing since it was a twinkle in Obama’s eye.

"I’d love to see citation for that which doesn’t reek of Socialist claptrap." Y'know that part about how you don't want to have your views challenged? Yeah, this is what I was talking about.

I’ve had my views challenged, friend. The challenges always come up short. What I mean to say is that if you can find citation that doesn’t read like it’s appealing to emotion, envy or actively and dangerously disregarding the pitfalls of Socialism’s history, then lay it on me. But I think those criteria effectively nullify the attempt.

"Speaking from second hand experience myself, I’ve had friends and friends of friends who NEVER got real jobs and instead collected food stamps they bartered for room and board." Well, there you go. Second hand experience. You don't know if any of these people actually had any viable career opportunities in the first place, let alone obstacles they weren't open about (at least to you), or if the whole thing just looked too hopeless to bother with in the first place at a given point, as tends to happen once you've been unemployed for a few years - nobody's going to hire you.

Actually I do know. Half of the friends and friends of friends I spoke of had college degrees. The other half were completely able of body and mind. Apart from one being exceptionally lazy. And considering the friends (Save one) confided much in me, I would indeed have known if they had some great hurdles apart from simply not knowing how to adult. That’s not capitalism’s failure. And being fair, that would easily also be socialism’s failure as well. That’s a failure of parenting. And when the Socialist State assumes partial parental responsibilities, they share in the failure.

"And…. And you think COMMUNISM or SOCIALISM will let you art the way you want to?" As a matter of fact yes, because communism or socialism as a concept does not equal what ended up happening in China, the USSR, Cuba, Venezuela, etc.

What tickles me pink is that you name so many of them. Nazi Germany, the USSR, Cuba, Vietnam, Venezuela… they all try Socialism tailored to their land, culture and people and every single frakking time, it fails and people die by the literal truckload.

There are some countries that might indeed be Socialist, but their small size permits them to remain so insular. And I could link you plenty of studies that show even those mini Socialist utopias are on downward spirals. Denmark? Heh heh heh… Sure.

The problem with Socialism, and by extension, Nazism and Communism, is that it is anathema to human nature and socio-economic realities.

It ALWAYS sounds great on paper, but when the rubber hits the road, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

PARENTS ARE EATING THEIR CHILDREN IN CHINA.

But that’s not “real socialism/Communism.”

Sure. >_>

You really seem to have a hard time understanding this, so instead riddle me this: how on earth would being guaranteed a living, in and of itself, translate to censorship? (hint: it fucking doesn't.)

Being guaranteed a living so long as you do not create artwork that does not damage the state, lest your artistic license be revoked.

Where have I heard that before….?

Oh right! Those places you named that are TOOOOOOTALLY not Socialist…

"Heh, the one I had in mind at the top of my list when mentioning those hundreds of artists is a very prominent one. He works a daily job, he makes money with his art, and he makes art for its own sake." Cute, but by far most artists can't juggle a schedule like that without it coming at the cost of either of those, or their own mental health.

But… they *do*. That’s what I’m saying. And there are MANY artists who *love* to create for others. Even the great artists of old were paid for their work. Are there unreasonable customers? Absolutely there are! But it’s a huge internet.

"And considering they saved the life of an IRL trans friend of mine, I am STRONGLY disinclined to believe smear stories." One person they got it right with, versus hundreds they left dying on the streets. Hmm.

I’m gonna need some citation on that one, ol’ chum. Not saying you’re full of crap, but…

The official position of TSA is thusly:

Scripture forbids sexual intimacy between members of the same sex. The Salvation Army believes, therefore, that Christians whose sexual orientation is primarily or exclusively same-sex are called upon to embrace celibacy as a way of life. There is no scriptural support for same-sex unions as equal to, or as an alternative to, heterosexual marriage.

Likewise, there is no scriptural support for demeaning or mistreating anyone for reason of his or her sexual orientation. The Salvation Army opposes any such abuse.

In keeping with these convictions, the services of The Salvation Army are available to all who qualify, without regard to sexual orientation. The fellowship of Salvation Army worship is open to all sincere seekers of faith in Christ, and membership in The Salvation Army church body is open to all who confess Christ as Savior and who accept and abide by The Salvation Army’s doctrine and discipline.

Wait, hold it… sorry man, I forgot the reading comprehension thing… I’ll help you out. What it means is that while they strongly disagree with homosexuality (Transsexualism by extension), they don’t turn people away.

The fact that you refer to Islam as "the Death Cult" (lmao) is pretty telling too, tbh. Really shows you don't hate Muslims!

Have you ever cracked open the Quran? Or the Suras? Stop kidding yourself. And I don’t hate Muslims. I hate Islam. Here’s a religious concept that the majority of Christians are famous for… and I mean REAL Christians, not the strawmen you see in your magical glowbox: ‘Love the Sinner, hate the Sin.’

And considering the fundamental dictates of Islam is to kill or subjugate non-beleivers and… GET THIS… GAY PEOPLE… then my hatred of Islam the ideology is not so difficult to understand.

I mean, I could produce an entire laundry list of examples where Christianity (which you defend as somehow Better™ for LGBT+ folks) has directly lead to death of us, but I may as well talk to a wall.

But you won’t. Because it doesn’t exist. With the exception of Westboro and The Lord’s Army which is in AFRICA (And riddle me this, hypocrite… if #notallmuslims is a thing, then why can the same sentiment not be afforded to Christians? Answer: Because you can reasonably expect to harass and abuse Christians without fear of life-threatening reciprocation. Je suis Charlie Hebdo), outright hostility towards homosexual people is not  common among them. Disagreement? Certainly. Voting in line with that disagreement? Oh yes. State-sanctioned murder?

NO.

Yes. Christianity in general disagrees with homosexuality. There are cases of acceptance and tolerance aplenty and cases of violence as I laid out.

But violence is not the socially acceptable norm.

In Islamic tenants, as reflected by the DAILY MURDER of homosexual people, it is not only socially acceptable, but demanded.

I know this of your dishonest self... Deep down, in your heart of hearts, you would rather live in a Christian neighborhood than an Islamic one if forced to choose.

The thing you keep forgetting is that a religion is characterized by the behavior of its adherents, not what the scripture itself says - scripture of any religion contradicts itself too much to be followed 100% by any person, by definition is subject to interpretation, and that is what counts.

What the Hell do you think I’ve been TALKING about here?!

Alright pal, let’s get down to REALITY…

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2016/06/13/here-are-the-10-countries-where-homosexuality-may-be-punished-by-death-2/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2016/06/13/the-islamic-states-shocking-war-on-homosexuals/

https://www.advocate.com/world/2016/5/27/12-countries-will-kill-you-being-lgbt

http://www.truthophobes.com/islam-kills-homosexuals

And you and I both know it’s not just ISIS murdering homosexuals.

Does Islam have a problem with homophobia? Sure, but so do so many other religions including Christianity, and in the case of Islam specifically, I simply lack the cultural context to know what I'm doing in order to stop it, so instead resolve to help and listen to people who would know what they're doing in this regard; queer Muslims and queer people of other religions (or none) with cultural ties to Islam.

Yes, but you don’t see Coptic Christians pushing homosexual people off of buildings, beheading or hanging them.

Do you?

And you sure as the sky is blue and black don’t see it here in the states.

A relatively few murders based on sexuality? Yes. But if you’re going to make the argument that the actions of the few do not reflect the whole, then the same MUST also apply to Christians.

Or you are guilty of having double-standards.

And I’d love to hear the perspective of LGBT Muslims who are close enough to these countries to understand the severity and who are bold enough to stick their heads up, but the problem is that Fatwa is declared on them if they do so.

Such as the Muslim man who wished a Happy Easter to his Christian customers and was murdered by other Muslims for it.

And they KNOW it. So they keep their heads down.

THAT is real oppression.

You yourself, and I am as grateful for this as I’m sure in the back of your mind and the depths of your heart, you are as well, have never known true oppression.

Inconvenience? Yes.

Disagreement? Yes.

Your identity being on trial? Yes, that too.

But identifying as LGBT+ in America is not a Death Sentence. And CERTAINLY not from Christianity as a whole.

I don't pay attention to Riley Dennis, but "very prominent" is some pretty big words for someone with 35K subscribers who isn't generally considered worth discussing in the circles I'm in. The fact that you pretty much constantly look for the fringe (and the fact I hadn't heard about her until today implies that you had to be actively looking for this), make a strawman out of that and apply it to everyone who comes off as vaguely leftist to you is, again, pretty telling.

I wasn’t making a strawman. I said that there are Trans people who demand sex from people not interested and the implication, which I apologize for not expanding upon, was that it gives the wrong impression.

You and I both know that such is not the opinion of the majority of Trans people. But regardless, you said literally no one, and I pushed back saying yes, yes there are.

If I had to recommend trans youtubers, try ContraPoints.

I’m more a Blaire White follower, but I’ll check them out.

I'd love to see you explain how anthropogenic global warming isn't real, though.

Didn’t say it wasn’t real. I didn’t even take a stance. I said that anthropological global warming was what’s contested. And frankly, there’s convincing arguments on that side.

The response of BIG names on the other side? Your side? ‘You should go to jail for disagreeing with me.’

Where'd all that extra CO2 over the past two centuries come from, unicorn farts? Magic? Don't bother blaming livestock, you know just as well as I do that those animals wouldn't be here if not for us either.

You’re… You’re bringing up the hockey stick?

https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn11646-climate-myths-the-hockey-stick-graph-has-been-proven-wrong/

http://manhattancontrarian.com/blog/2016/12/22/how-to-tell-whos-lying-to-you-climate-science-edition

https://www.forbes.com/sites/jamestaylor/2015/02/09/top-10-global-warming-lies-that-may-shock-you/#5c6f67b153a5

Also dude? People have been appealing to the common need to put a halt to this since the '60s, I don't know what rock you've been living under. If literally your only concern here is money, then honestly this discussion is over, since we clearly operate on completely and utterly irreconcilably different principles, and I may as well be talking to someone from another planet. Sure, the neoliberal take of expecting all the effort to come from civilians is pretty dumb when 78% of our carbon dioxide output comes from commercial and industrial activity, but that doesn't magically make the question itself less urgent.

See above. It’s not just about money.

"“I can’t work because there’s some rich guy out there who has more stuff than I do!!!! HARUMPH!!!!!!!!” Do you hear yourself…?" Again, literally not what I said, but whatever helps you sleep at night. You're really not that great at this whole reading thing, are you? That wasn't even part of the same argument. You proposed that everyone has an equal shot, I counterargue that that is clearly not the case since some people have access to resources that drastically reduce the amount of work needed to attain the same standard of living, sometimes even to zero, and you just get mad and rant about envy politics or whatever. You're not making a lick of sense at this point.

Forgive my harsh phrasing there, but you disregarded the point I made. And in this day and age, a rich person has to work hard to STAY rich, because the money will run out one day. And in so doing, they employ many people who were not otherwise employed.

And let’s define ‘Rich’ for a moment… the business owner whose business makes $1,200,000 net may sound rich, until you take into account employee salary, taxes, business expenses, HOME LIFE on top of that and in many cases, family expenses… suddenly you realize how much of that income no longer remains in-pocket.

And I’ll forgive the economic ignorance, because let’s face it… economics is not sufficiently taught in schools. I legit do not blame you.

"Sorry, sorry… you’re like the fiftieth person whose thrown that at me and it gets cringier every time I hear it… I apologize." Consider the following: maybe those other forty-nine people before me independently made the same observation from the way their own, and the people around them's lives have gone. Get out of your bootstraps dream, by far most people who make minimum wage don't ever climb above making maybe a couple times that at most, and opportunities to achieve even that have gone down in recent years.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panel_Study_of_Income_Dynamics

Now, I contest that just because there are not many policies that promise economic mobility here in the States, that does not mean then that poor economic mobility is absolute. Young adults today still make on average, 60% more than their parents.

Grow up, get rich quick schemes don't work.

Schemes? No.

Entrepreneurs making new things? Yes. Yes they do work.

I also don't know what China you're looking at, but by far most of that rich history, heritage and architecture is still there, and it's not going anywhere - if you actually even marginally kept up with that country, you'd know this.

…

Hahahahha….! Oh God…. Wow… if you only knew…

Ever been there?

No?

Then shut your mouth about things you know nothing about.

Capitalism on the other hand has decimated the cultures of indigenous peoples in three different continents, by far most of their languages today either extinct or barely hanging on; even if that's not enough for you,

Liar. Or mistaken. Either way, WRONG.

Capitalism is not some pernicious bogeyman that sucks the wealth dry from the Noble Natives and delivers it to its masters.

That would be conquest, my friend. And conquest has not needed an excuse, economic or otherwise, to do what it does. Unless you want to talk about the plundering Socialist and Communist countries are guilty of…?

Here’s a little something that may help illuminate how wrong your philosophy is...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f6FZGjF8OA

Even elsewhere, it's destroyed so many cultural heirlooms - ancient sites in Mecca, all sorts of old architecture and nature across Europe to make way for homes for the rich, along with the ever ongoing problem of gentrification.

Again, that’s conquest, you poor, brainwashed soul… EVERY time conquest occurs, that shit happens.

You want to talk mountains of corpses? Alright, here's how many people capitalism kills each year: 20 million. Twenty million individual people who die of starvation, poverty, and lack of healthcare access in capitalist nations.

You’ve been full of shit before, but now amigo… gadzooks… this takes the cowpie.

Unless you wanna discuss how the emotion-driven notion to use ethanol corn from impoverished nations to make ethanol which doesn’t actually work as an efficient means of reducing oil dependency (Hybrids are way better) caused millions to starve, sure… let’s open up that can of worms.

http://www.nationalreview.com/article/419354/corn-ethanol-boondoggle-continues-see-epas-latest-rule-robert-bryce

Al Gore’s corn subsidies have blood on their hands.

Since this is the same way y'all count the death tolls of previous attempts at communism, it's only fair to count these the same way, no? Also, the existence of markets doesn't equal to capitalism.

Perhaps, but they’re called Distribution Centers in Socialist countries. Private ownership is abolished under Socialism.

Both of the peoples you described took care of their sick and less fortunate, people didn't starve unless everyone was. Even the ancient Romans had social welfare in the form of bread being distributed among the entire populace - bakeries at the time were serious business, and there are plenty of historical accounts of harsh punishments following such crimes in the field as fraud.

Is that really what you want? Literal breadli-Ohhhh right, Bernie said it, so it must be golden.

Bernie is a shill and his spouse’s incompetence to run a university ran it into the ground. Birds of a feather and such.

The idea that absolutely everyone has to work for themselves didn't crop up until the Victorian era.

Wrong again, mi amigo.

And I’ve heard that one too.

You know damn well that ending poverty doesn't somehow alleviate humanity of all struggle, people still need to live with each other and that's going to cause friction no matter how utopian society gets.

And Socialism cures this because…..?

Ah, yes, because Socialism on paper says that Socialism will! How silly of me…

Cut the crap with this "virtue of poverty" type nonsense, you also know damn well I meant caring about people's basic welfare as a collective (read: not actively making life worse for others and not acting like people should somehow have to suffer), not thinking about literally every single individual person you don't know.

It's really not hard to just be kind to the world, and it'd save both you and everyone a lot of stress.

And making kindness compulsory under pain of death is the quickest way to ruin it.

I suppose I finally see why you keep accusing me of being filled with righteous indignation, though.

Because you’re addicted to the sensation of moral superiority which makes you feel better than other people as a means of combating some deeply held insecurity that spawned during your developmental years?

Yup.

By the way, consider switching careers; I hear IMAX is hiring these days.

Haha, me? Projecting? I’ve already told you that I leave the judgment of whether or not I’m a decent person to the people that know me. You’re the one that thinks that the line between virtue and evil is as childishly, one-dimensionally, idiotically black and white is a party line.

You’ve said goodbye already, so goodbye!

I hope that your fervor dies down and once you’re done being triggered, we can go back to speaking terms.

‘Till then, consider this the last farewell.

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Have you ever lied to a person of authority? What did you say? I’ve lied to a teacher once or twice, but not anything more severe. Doesn’t matter if it’s a person of authority or not; I just hate lying. What’s your favourite type of pie, either sweet or savoury? I love chicken pot pie lol < Oh gosh yeah dude. Savory pies are the shit. I find that most sweet pies have fruit in them and given that I hate fruits, this is an easy choice for me. Do you have a Netflix subscription? Yeah, we have a family plan that my dad pays for. Have you ever parked in a disabled parking space even if you aren’t disabled? Nope. That sounds awful. How long does it usually take you to get ready in the morning? Depends on how late I’m running. If I started preparing early I can give myself up to an hour but if I’m late as it is, I can take 10 minutes to shower, get dressed, prepare my lunch, and get in the car.

What colour is your favourite shirt? My favorite top at the moment is a multi-colored striped spaghetti strap. If I remember, some of the stripes are white, maroon, olive green, dark blue, etc. When was the last time you saw a photo of yourself? Today. I took a dumb selfie for Angela. Does your laptop ever overheat? It doesn’t overheat but the fan tends to get louder when I do video calls on it, so I never do them on my laptop. Are you wearing a dress today? I am not. I’m up on the rooftop and it’s pretty cold tonight, so I have a large hoodie on, and also a hoodie wrapped around my legs so that I don’t get bitten by mosquitoes. Do you use your phone during class or at work? I use my phone in classes where the profs aren’t as strict. OMG I miss going to class :( How many times a day do you check Facebook? Countless. It’s where everyone hangs out to communicate, or do work, or share announcements, or post memes, so I’m almost always there. Do you hate it when people on airplanes recline the seat in front? No one’s ever done that to me before so I wouldn’t know if it would bother me. Are you the type of person to press a button just because? I would only get the urge if I knew it doesn’t work anymore or if it’s unplugged. I wouldn’t press a button that I know would do something. Would you ever volunteer in the case of a natural disaster? Yeah, but tbh I’m more likely to volunteer for orgs that help out stray animals  affected by the disaster, like for PAWS. I know for sure I would have volunteered for them after the Taal eruption, but I couldn’t because our house itself was affected by the ashfall. Do you check your emails daily? NO. I’m definitely not checking them during the lockdown because I want my break to stay a break. Are you inside or outside at the moment? I’m technically ~inside the house but I’m in an outdoors part of it. Why did you last have to see a doctor? I needed to have my left eye checked because it’s been acting up for a while. Have you ever been pulled aside for a random bag search at an airport? Nope. Are you happy with how much you weigh? Sure. I’ve never really paid close attention to my weight and I’ve always been just passively content with it. What’s your favourite flavour of Jell-O? Ughhh I hate any kind of jelly, I find the texture disgusting. I dunno if we have Jell-O here but we have local brands of jelly that I’ve never thought of trying. Do you pick your nose? C’mon, be honest. Yep, but only if I’m by myself or with my girlfriend. What was the last thing you bought from a supermarket? It’s been months, but if I remember correctly it was ice cream that my mom had been craving, and she asked me to buy it because I went out that day. Do you know anyone who is highly allergic to anything? Yeah, Tina is allergic to seafood and Kate is allergic to seafood, chicken, and eggs. When was the last time you had a nap? Just this late afternoon. I fell asleep at 4:30 and woke up for dinner, so I’ll probs be up really late again tonight. Are you hot, cold, or just right at the moment? I was cold earlier but I put a hoodie on so now I’m feeling just right. Do you have a Spotify Premium membership? If not, do you want one? I technically don’t, but Gabie has one and she let me log into her account a long time ago. What’s your boss’ name? I don’t have one. Back in my internship days – again, because this is really my only ~job experience so far lol – the boss’ name was Dessa, but I was under a supervisor named Therese. Have you ever eaten caviar? Yup. Are you a nervous type of person? Yeah, I generally am. Do/did you collect anything currently or in the past? I used to collect receipts from my dates with Gab, but I’ve completely stopped doing that. I keep telling myself on these surveys that I’m gonna start collecting again and it just never happened, so now all there is to say is that I entirely stopped lol. Other than that, I don’t collect anything else. On average, how much money do you usually put into savings every week? Depends on how much is left over by Friday; I don’t have a set amount. The left over from my allowance can be anywhere from P100 to P1,000. Do you prefer sweet or savoury foods? Savoryyyyy. Do you have any games on your computer? Which ones? No, not on my computer. What are your three favourite fruits? I hate fruits. Have you ever received a speeding fine? Nope, I don’t even think that’s grounds for being fined here. I’ve seen people drive like maniacs on highways, and yet they’d get pulled over because they illegally changed lanes or did an illegal u-turn. When was the last time you shaved any part of your body? This evening. Have you ever had a cramp in an odd place? Mmm no, I’ve only gotten cramps where it’s common, like my legs and neck. Would you ever go overseas for cheap medical treatment? No. It doesn’t make sense to me – the airline ticket would bump up how much I would need to spend anyway. The only times I see the sense in traveling abroad for medical reasons would be if the treatment/surgery/medicine/facility is only available in a certain country, or if the best doctor in a certain field is in a different country. How many hours did you sleep last night? 8, I think. Are you good at writing stories? I’ve never been good at writing stories. I liked reading them as a kid, but I never succeeded in writing my own. What have you eaten today? I had eggplant stuffed with meat, fried egg, and fried rice for brunch and Mang Inasal takeout for dinner. Do you watch House of Cards? Nope. I want to try watching it but I feel like it’s too dialogue-y for me. Plus Kevin Spacey is there for like 5 out of 6 seasons I think, which would really ruin the viewing experience lmao. Did anything exciting or interesting happen to you today? Nah not really, much like the last three weeks of the lockdown. What’s your favourite type of fish to eat? Raw tuna. Who else is in the building you’re in right now? My family and dog.

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Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? Only in the early morning, cause everything’s louder and darker by then. Do you get any magazines in the mail? No, we don’t get anything in the mail other than bills my parents take care of. How many websites do you have an account for? I’ve signed up for a lot. This question was probably easy to ask back then given that this survey was made back in 2009 lmao, but the Internet has since exploded and you pretty much have to sign up for everything if you want a website’s full features. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? My dad pays for the family Netflix account, but I don’t have a credit card of my own. Do you try clothes on before you buy them? I’m usually lazy to so I go ahead and buy them. If they don’t fit well I’ll either ask my grandma to alter it or just give it away.

Have you seen The Blind Side? I’ve caught it on TV. I know it’s supposed to be a really good film, but it’s never grabbed my attention enough to be interested in it. What's the best movie you've seen this year? Hintayan ng Langit (Heaven’s Waiting). Do you know how to fire a gun? I’ve never even held a gun. What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house? Scream. As loud as I can. Have you played the Sims 3, yet? I never got to play it. What's your favorite type of pizza? Barbecue!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s the only kind I can eat like five slices of in one sitting. Do you have a favorite local pizza place? Mmm no not really. My favorite store is Yellow Cab. What are you afraid of? Flying insects. Have you ever been afraid of falling in love? I was, once. It was my best friend and we had an amazing relationship at that point, so I had every reason to feel scared of what I was starting to feel. How do you let someone know that you like them? When I knew I liked Gabie, I started to spend more time with her and do the little things that I knew she’d appreciate, like buying her favorite snacks or a book by her current favorite author.   Have you ever asked a friend to ask someone else out for you? No. Who'd you last see in a tux? I had to assist in a fancy internal party of one of our clients during my internship, and I saw a lot of guys (none of them I know) in formal wear. Were you sad when Tim Urban got sent home on American Idol? Name’s familar, let me look him up... hmm. He was one of those I never cared for in that season. I was all over Crystal Bowersox and Siobhan Magnus for season 9 hahaha. What about Jason Castro, 2 years ago? The dude with the cornrows and played guitar! I was generally a fan of his. He was good, but I remember just being more enthusiastic over David Archuleta for that season. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? When I was a kid, my parents would do this for me. We don’t have a sort of gadget that does this to our TV anymore. Do you have difficulty pronouncing any words? ‘Beautiful’ is a BITCH to pronounce if Filipino’s your stronger accent. I have a hard time with it myself. When my mind is thinking to say that word, I always end up saying ‘pretty’ at the last second cause my tongue seems to get all tied up. Would you rather take a shower or a bath? Bath, if I had all the time in the world. How many times do you shower in a week? Like a maximum of 6 days. I always skip a day. What brand's your cell phone? Apple. Have you ever sexted? Yes. I never did enjoy it when I was still doing it.

How many contacts do you have? Err too many to count, I know that much. Do you have your own computer? I have my own *laptop.

Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? Laurice or Jane. Who's the bravest person you know? I was gonna say Gabie till I found out recently that she’s afraid of killing cockroaches lmfao so I’ll go with my dad. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? Gab. Do you ever make up retarded words with your friends? Ah, back when using the word ‘retarded’ to mean ‘stupid’ was acceptable. Have your friends ever given you answers to homework, last minute? Lmao yep, that is high school in a nutshell my friend. Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? My girlfriend used to play softball and basketball in high school. She’s not as sporty anymore as uni keeps her busy, but she has a gym membership and is super into the whole working out thing if that counts haha. Are you any good at writing? Certain types of writing. I like research, essays, and academic writing but you cannot trust me to write poems and short stories. What's your favorite form of writing? Autobiographies, whatever they count as. What do you think about Lil Wayne? Whatever. Lil Wayne vs. Eminem...? Idk, I’m pretty sure both have problematic content on their songs so I’ll pass. Have you ever given up on someone before? Yes. Did you end up regretting it later in life? No. Have you ever read Shakespeare? We had to read Shakespeare in English class throughout high school. It was Romeo and Juliet in freshman year, The Merchant of Venice in sophie year, Macbeth in junior year, and Hamlet when we were seniors. What did you dream about last night? Oddly enough I dreamt that Gab died and its aftermath, which was me continuing to visit her family after she passed. It was weirdly realistic and I hated it. Have you ever looked up the meaning to a dream? Some, sure. I did it just for the lols. Have you ever tried to change someone? I don’t think so. Can anyone really change anyone that doesn't wanna change? It’s a tough hill to climb but if it’s to change someone for the better, it will be worth it to try and do so. Do you think that anyone currently has a crush on you? I know my girlfriend does; idk about anyone else. What profession do you admire the most? Teaching. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? Nope. What's the hardest lesson you've ever had to learn? World’s not gonna stop for you when a loved one does. Yours will end, but no one else will care. Life goes on. Suck it up. Learned it the hard way when my grandpa died. What are you wearing right now? I have on a black and white dress that I haven’t changed out of yet because I’m too lazy. Do you miss your ex? What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? If they’re jerks or not. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Yes. I questioned it for a very long time because I had never been comfortable with any of the bazillion existing labels we have now, and I thought I was just a weirdo. Then Dan Howell posted a video for Pride Month and let me know that I didn’t need a label to let people know who I am and I could be a formless, label-less blob if I wanted to and that I shouldn’t give a shit what others think. Thanks Dan. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be and why? Having more money. Because buying stuff makes me happy.

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How many...

How many times have you skipped class? Too many. I only started doing it in college but since then I’ve done it a lot. The class I skipped the most would probably be chemistry or psychology lmao. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? I’ve been with her for technically five years so that number’s going to be huge. How many years have you known your second closest friend? I’ve been familiar with her for 17 years, but I’ve been friends with her for only seven. How many alarm clocks are in the house? Technically, four. All our phones have alarms but we don’t have actual alarm clocks. How many people have you argued with? Your questions ask stuff that are very difficult to count lmao. I can be a bit of a war freak so I’m guessing the number’s also risen to be a lot.

How many times have you watched your favortie movie? Probably in the 80s-100s range. There was a time I watched Two for the Road every day for several months, and I still watch it several times a year. How many people do you live with? I live with my family. With my dad working abroad, sometimes I’ll live with four people but most times I live with three. How many pairs of boots do you own? None. It’s too hot to wear boots. How many people have told you they're in love with you? Just one. How many times have you cried over the opposite sex? Maybe twice, and not because of romantic reasons. The first was because my grandfather died; the second time was when my dad dropped the bomb on me that he wouldn’t be able to watch my high school graduation. How many people have been in your house at one time? .......Huh? How many stuffed animals are in your room? None. I was never a fan. How many cellphones have you went through? Eight. How many pets do you have? I have a dog, but I’ve had several other pets in the past.

What would you do if...

What would you do if you could never listen to music again? I think I’ll be alright for the most part since I don’t rely on music as much as others do, but I’ll definitely grow restless at some point, especially if I have to drive in silence. What would you do if your current bf/gf cheated on you? I’d imagine wanting a few days or weeks to myself to think about what was just done to me and using that time to take care of myself and see my other friends. I don’t actually know what to do following that; I just never entertain that thought so I never think of it lmao. What would you do if you could never wear jeans again? Be so fucking stoked. I hate jeans. What would you do if your dad became president? Teach him about key political and social issues...and maybe be glad that he doesn’t have to work abroad now. What would you do if you lost your most important possesion? That would be my dog. I would be broken; I’ve never lost a dog before. What would you do if your house burned down? Grab my dog, put my phone and laptop in a bag, and jump off my room’s window. What would you do if your best friend didn't want to be friends anymore? I’d be really confused and hurt. I would probably talk to Hans to get to the bottom of it. What would you do if you had to move to a different state/province? Asked to be left behind. I’m not gonna have my relationship that I’ve worked so hard on adjust to my family’s (very) delayed migration-ish plans if this happens.   What would you do if someone shaved your head? Hope I get paid for it, lmao. What would you do if Jesus came to your front door? I work with a Jesus. I’d invite him in, get him a light snack, and ask him why he visited. I don’t recognize any other Jesuses. What would you do if your house was robbed? Scream at the top of my lungs. What would you do if your sister/brother got married? Well first I’d be envious that they went first, but I’d otherwise be excited that I get to go to a party hahaha What would you do if dogs became extinct? Hate humanity forever. What would you do if the last person you kissed proposed to you? Think she’s insane, and I’ll have to turn it down. I’m sure she doesn’t want it this early too.

Have you ever...

Have you ever broke a body part? I’ve sprained an ankle, but other than that no. Have you ever broke someone else's body part? Oh gosh that’s terrible. I don’t think so. Have you ever changed for a guy/girl? Only if I knew it was for my betterment to change. Tried to jump on a celebrity but been stopped by the security guards? Uh no, but a little close. I was exiting a mall at the same time Greyson Chance walked in, and my system just shut down and did the first thing it thought of: get my phone out and start taking photos. He was like, 2 feet away at this point so his bodyguards kinda told me to get out of the way, which I deserved. To this day I still don’t understand why I did something as stupidly fangirly as that, and I can’t even name one of his songs. Have you ever complained about the last person you spoke to? Never. Kate’s my homie. Have you ever cried on your mom's shoulder? No. We’re not close like that, and it’s more than likely that she’d just tell me to pray if I ever decide to confide in her. Have you ever dialed 911 as a prank? I haven’t. Have you ever won a talent show? No. I’ve won a quiz bee though, haha. Have you ever spilled a drink on a expensive electronic item and ruined it? No. I didn’t spill a drink, but I did let my old iPhone 5S be soaked when I was walking under the rain once without an umbrella. I just kinda thought my phone would be durable enough to resist the raindrops, but that was the start of the end for it.   Have you ever fainted when someone told you shocking news? No. I’ve only fainted from hunger + heat. Have you ever swooned over the Jonas Brothers? Yes, when I was 10. Have you ever bought a piece of makeup that cost over $100? No and I don’t think I would ever do that. Have you ever been cheated on by someone who claimed to love you? I’ve never been cheated on. Have you ever got food free because the waiter thought you were hot? No.

Do you...

Do you have someone who will always be there for you? I’d like to think so. My best friends are my ride or dies. My Daydrinkers group (that’s what we call ourselves because we used to go to this local bar in the early afternoon) are also trustworthy. Do you have a membership at a gym? Nah, I’m too lazy to go to the gym. Do you act dumb to get guys/girls to like you? No...does that still even work these days? Do you know anyone who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day? No. And if I did I would stay away from them. Do you follow the rules? Most of the time. I don’t enjoy getting reprimanded :/ Do you have a friend who secretly really annoys you? No. I wouldn’t count them as a friend if they did annoy me. Do you always have Pepsi at your house? Nope. Only our parents drink softdrinks and they’re not always at home, so we seldom have soda around the house. Do you flirt with anything that moves? ??? No ??? Do you watch SpongeBob? Still do, yep. I just watched it yesterday. The comedy of the older episodes is timeless. Do you count sheep when you can't sleep? No. I tried to do that as a kid since it’s what I saw in cartoons and in a Mr. Bean episode but it never worked. Do you sweat easily? No. I sweat slower than most people. Do you like pineapple? I hate it. Do you refuse to wear something that's out of style? Typically, yes. Do you type 'u' or 'you'? Depends. I’ll type depending on who I’m talking to and my mood.

What is...

What is your best friend's name?Gabie. Or Angela. I have two best friends.What is your first girlfriend/boyfriend's name?Gabie.What is your neighbour's name?I never talk to the neighbors and have no idea who any of them are.What is your least favorite swear word?Cunt.What is the best and most romantic way to propose to someone?I don’t think there’s a singular best way to propose. That differs for everyone.What is something that always makes you laugh?FRIENDSWhat is the name of your hometown?Sampaloc, Manila.What is the most gentle way to turn someone down?I guess just be straightforward about it? I wouldn’t like to be put under mind games or mixed signals if I was the one being turned down.What is the ugliest girl name?I don’t think there’s an ugly girl name, just ones I’m not fond of. I don’t really like old-fashioned ones like Barbara, Linda, and Gertrude.What is the most boring thing to do?Waiting.What is the funnest kind of question to answer?If you’re talking about surveys, questions about my day or my experiences are always nice to answer.What is the most useless thing you know?I wouldn’t call it useless but I can recognize flags and the capital cities of a number of countries. I collected Kids’ Almanacs every year growing up and they always had a section on geography so that’s why I got to memorize those trivia.What is your favorite pair of pants?My white Mango ones, because they’re super stylish and can be casual or smart casual depending on what I pair it with.What is the best flavour of ice cream?Cookies and cream is my favorite flavor.