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jgukmilk · 5 years ago

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he won’t know (m) 02

➔ summary: after an unforgivable weekend at Jimin’s summer house, you come home and decide to set things right, you wish you hadn’t.

➔ pairing: Jungkook X Reader

➔ genre: cheating!au, smut (not this chapter tho), lots of angst.

➔ warnings: sexual harassment (please refrain from reading if this is a trigger), lots of angsty scenes, reader cries so much:(( protect her, mature language, degrading, a lot of inner-conflict my gOD, jungoo is a soft idiot.

➔ wordcount: 9k

➔ notes: If you haven’t read the first part, then please make sure to do so otherwise the story won’t make sense!

part 1 part 2, part 3 (final)

Sunday, 07:36 AM

You swear you had never bolted out of a bed as fast as you did the morning after, which wasn’t like you since you always enjoyed staying in under the sheets a few hours more than necessary, especially because this was the perfect opportunity to get a little extra shut-eye.

But when you fluttered your eyes open the next morning, only to find yourself wrapping your naked body around another’s – you couldn’t even begin to explain the adrenaline rush that had coursed through your body.

It felt as if Satan had visited the room with a flick of fire from hell on his finger, and scratched it along the naked spine of your back.

Faster than a prey being chased by a predator, you grabbed your shirt that had been thrown to a far corner of the room the previous night. Along with your panties, you threw on all clothing items swiftly yet quietly in attempt to not wake the boy sleeping soundly on the master bedroom’s bed.

You stopped wrestling through your shirt when you caught a glimpse of his ruffled hair peaking throw the duvet. You walked to the side of the bed, seeing him sleeping peacefully. Subconsciously a warm smile threatened to twitch on the sides of your lips.

His eyes were gently closed, letting his dark lashes lay perfectly just above his cheekbone. His lips were cutely pouting, slightly chapped but you found it adorable. His shoulders were rising and falling slowly indicating he was taking small gentle breaths. He looked so peaceful, so warm.

In an ideal world – you would’ve crawled into bed with him and wrapped your cold form around his, in attempt to warm yourself up while nuzzling your nose into his neck. But this wasn’t an ideal world. This was your reality, and things were different whether you liked it or not.

You made your way to the door; slowly opening it you scanned the halls making sure they were empty. The lord was on your side today, having marked the hallway completely clean from any trace of your friends. You sighed lowly in relief as you quickly tiptoed back to Jimin’s room you had supposedly shared with Mina.

Mina…

“Fuck,” you had completely forgotten about the possibility of your best friend noticing the lack of your presence throughout the night. You stood just outside the door with your nose a few breathes away from the finely carved wood while looking up at the ceiling, silently praying that you would open the door, only to find your best friend asleep on the bed.

Your sweaty palm turned the knob gently as you made an attempt to peak your head through the opening of the door you had just created.

You saw an outline on top of the sheets of what looked like a spread out body, you couldn’t see her face but you saw locks of hair hanging down the edge of the bed. Once again you sighed before stepping into the room completely as you gently shut the door behind you.

“Where the hell have you been?”

Your feet sprung from the ground as if hot lava was under them, “Christ, Mina!” You whisper-yelled placing your hand over you chest to see if your heart was still where it was supposed to be. You took a moment to collect yourself before looking up at the girl who had now sat up on the bed, back leaning against the headboard of the bed with her arms crossed, awaiting an explanation from none other than you.

“You just made my heart drop to my ass, you know that?” you huffed while rubbing your chest, trying to ease your increased heartbeat.

“Then you know how I felt when I woke up this morning to see you weren’t there, where in the world were you, woman?” she tapped her index finger that was placed over her right bicep.

“I was—uhh…”

Getting dicked down by Jungkook the entire night.

“Out for a walk! Yeah!” you exclaimed happily, you coughed awkwardly when you noticed her eyes squint in suspicion. Only by then had you realized how made-up your tone made the statement sound.

“I-I mean—I was out for a walk, you know, fresh air and… stuff,” you casually leaned against the door behind you, blowing the lock of hair in front of your hair to give you that chill, laidback image, while you calmly held eye contact with the unconvinced friend in front of you.

Her eyes left yours, scanning you from top to bottom. You saw her eyebrow raise in confusion, you mirrored her action unaware of her state of puzzlement.

“Dressed like that?” your cool left you face, you stood up straight on both feet, tilting your head down to scan your clothes, when you realized. You were barely wearing any.

“What’s wrong with what I put on?” you pouted a fake pout, acting completely oblivious about the fact that you were basically half naked as you spoke.

“‘What I put on,’” she mimicked you, “Y/N, the catch here is that you barely have anything on!” she wasn’t wrong, you stood in front of her solely wearing an oversized t-shirt along with a pair of very petite panties that covered just enough to maintain your dignity.

You sighed in defeat not knowing how to properly tell her the truth, “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but at least don’t lie to me,” she uncrossed her arms in sync with her facial expressions beginning to soften.

“Yeah, you’re right. I know you are,” you started, “I just don’t know how to tell you without sounding like a complete jerk.”

Did you regret it? You didn’t know, but you knew you felt guilty. Not because you cheated – well that too – but because you actually had to dig deep to find any form of moral regret. You felt bad because you hardly felt guilty.

Or maybe you just hadn’t wrapped your head about what had happened yet, you hadn’t even been awake for a full hour, and you knew for a fact you needed more than that to give it some proper thought and wrap your head around it.

“I want to talk to you about it, I just need to process some stuff before I let you in on this whole mess,” you cracked your knuckles as you spoke, a habit that had grown on you every time you grew nervous or even slightly uncomfortable. “I just… I want to understand the situation,” you wanted to understand your feelings.

You looked up only to see Mina’s face soften with slight concern, “is it that bad?” she tilted her head, “n-no—well, yes… I don’t—I don’t know?” you shrugged defeated. “It’s – it’s just very fresh and I-“

She held out a hand in front of her, “you don’t need to explain yourself to me, at least not yet,” the edges of her lips curved up softly, forming a smile, “come to me when you’re ready to talk about it, take all the time you need.” Mina’s kind words only made you sigh in relief. You truly could not express how grateful you were to have gained such an understanding and patient friend like Mina.

You nodded, running your hand through your hair only to grimace at the oily feeling of your locks, “I’m gonna go take a shower.”

“Yeah please do, you stink.” She pinched her nostrils shut with her thumb and index finger, “I can smell you all the way from here,” she waved the air in front of her, playfully. You too a quick whiff at your armpits, “it’s not that bad…” you pouted.

–

Wrapping the towel around your frame, you exited the shower while rubbing another towel in your hair trying your best to dry it. You scanned the room quickly seeing that you were alone. Strolling over to the mirror to get a better look at yourself, you flipped your hair to your other shoulder wanting to dry your hair from a new angle.

“WHAT THE FUC-“ you slapped your hand over your mouth only to remove it again seconds later, you rubbed your eyes, internally praying that your eyes were playing some kind of sick joke on you.

You traced your fingers over the reddish-purple like bruises that had been painted generously across your neck, “no, no, no, no!” you tried rubbing it away as if it was some prank someone had pulled on you and that there was no other explanation to the hickeys smeared all over your neck. Though it only resulted in you hissing from the pressure you had applied to the sore skin.

You ran to your bag, rummaging for your makeup bag to desperately pull out the concealer to cover up the marks. When spotting the tube, you raised it up in the air as if you had made a marvellous discovery. Jerking the applier in and out of the tube you heard a sudden knock on the door. You looked at the door in horror.

“Just a second!”

You turned your gaze back to the mirror hurriedly applying the liquid over your necking, blending it in to look as natural as possible. “What kind of blood-sucking leech–” you whispered aggressively to yourself when you saw the kiss marks still very noticeable. You could have done better applying it but time was against you, so you spread your hair in front of you to cover up as much of it as you could, fluffing it out.

“Come in!” You said to whoever was behind the door. You saw the knob of the door twist and open, revealing Jimin sticking his head in with a bright smile. “Morning, Y/N,” he entered the room completely, “breakfast is ready,” you smiled forcefully, “who’s cooking?”

“Jin, as always, anybody else would burn the kitchen down,” you giggled at his comment, “perfect, ‘cause a bitch is hungry,” you pointed dramatically at yourself which only led him to smile even brighter, he extended his hand out for you to take it, and you gladly did so.

You both walked down to the kitchen to see that most of your friends were already present by the kitchen bar table.

“Good morning,” you exclaimed kindly, they all greeted you back, “what are we having,” you licked your lips, clapping your hands excitedly at the smell of the goods while hovering over Jin’s shoulder to get a peak of what he was cooking, “there’s French toast, omelet, bacon, bread and spreads of course.” He explained.

“Oh! There are also fruits like strawberry, blueberry and raspberry in the fridge if you’d like some. So a little bit of everything,” you let out a pleased hum, turning over to the bar table where the cutlery and plates were placed.

Heaven, is that you?

“Where’s the rest of the gang?” you asked hovering over the French toast to pick up a couple of pieces.

Yoongi wiped his mouth with some paper towel before looking at you, “Hoseok went with Namjoon to the grocery store to buy some milk and orange juice,” you felt your throat burning from the name you felt on the tip of your tongue, “and Jungkook?”

“He’s out for a morning jog, he’ll be back in a few, at least that’s what he said,” you nodded while seating yourself between Taehyung and Mina.

You grabbed a plate and started to grab bits of everything, assembling the food nicely on your plate, “someone’s hungry,” Taehyung snickered playfully as he watched you fill every corner of your plate. You rolled your eyes followed by a flick to his forehead, you had quite the appetite, you couldn’t help it.

“Yesterday was exhausting, I need to fuel my body,” you justified yourself and grabbed a fork and knife. “What did you do yesterday since you’re left so famished,” You gulped, cutting the toast on your plate with your knife, with little more pressure than necessary.

“S-swimming, obviously,” you felt the palms of your hands start to break a sweat. Before anyone else could comment, the doorknob to the main door jiggled loudly, followed by three figures entering the room.

“Honey, I’m home!” Hoseok had his hands cupped around his mouth, a bright smile plastered on his lips. Behind him stood two tall frames. Jungkook and Namjoon panting behind Hoseok from the weight of the grocery bags they were carrying. The youngest was panting slightly heavier than the rest, you had assumed it was from the jog.

“I sent you to buy milk and juice not the whole store!” Jin clapped his hands on the side of his hips annoyed. Namjoon smiled innocently, “If it makes you feel better, half of this stuff was on discount.”

They walked over to the kitchen counter, placing the heavy bags filled with goods on the marble surface. The youngest made his way out of the kitchen, while Namjoon and Hoseok comfortably joined the rest of the group at the table, “you not gonna eat?” Yoongi asked with his mouth stuffed with berries.

“I’m gonna take a shower, don’t wait for me,” Jungkook announced before speed-walking up the stairs. You couldn’t help but feel uneasy at how he didn’t spare you a single glance from the moment he stepped in.

–

After breakfast you were left to dry the dishes. Everyone had helped clean up and now you were simply doing your part of the chore, “sure you don’t need help?” Taehyung asked nicely for the umpteenth time

“Yes Tae, I’m sure. Thank you though,” you smiled at him sweetly and he returned the gesture before running off to wherever, leaving you alone in the kitchen with a stack of dirty dishes that needed to be cleaned.

You turned your focus back to the plates that needed to dry. Rubbing circular motions of the fine white porcelain with the sky blue towel.

“Wow… you don’t even smile at me that way,” you almost dropped the plate then and there before snapping your head toward the all too familiar voice – Jungkook entered the kitchen with a towel hanging around his neck, a white t-shirt that was stained with a few droplets of water dripping from his hair. You subconsciously gulped the thick spit that had gathered at the back of your throat, fist tightening on the plate at the sight of wet spots sticking to his solid frame.

Without a word you fixed your gaze back at the plate in your hand and continued to wipe the already dry platter, you tried to convince yourself that your palms weren’t sweating, but that they were wet from the beads of water on the plate.

You heard footsteps approach you, “why are you ignoring me, angel?” your toes curled at his calm and collected tone, “don’t call me that,” you chimed firmly. You weren’t looking at him but you saw him tilt his head to the side, he leaned against the counter, which you were sternly facing.

“You liked it yesterday,” you shivered when you felt him brush your hair out of the way, exposing your neck to him. He frowned at the layer of concealer on your skin, anything but the logical answer raced through his mind: why did you cover his marks? Did you regret everything? Were you ashamed? Were you disgusted when seeing the marks in the mirror?

“Why’d you cover them up?” his voice shifted into an unknown tone. A tone you’d heard before, but still – you couldn’t put a label on. He could switch so easily around you; one moment a confident smirk was plastered across his lips, subtly getting on your nerves, and the next he would look so fragile, so insecure, as if you could blow a breath of air his way and he would collapse.

His fingers travelled across the covered red and purple shades on your neck, rubbing off the makeup with his thumb gently, but you only pushed his hand away with a hiss from the applied pressure on the bruise, “I don’t want people to see,” you sighed as if the answer wasn’t the most obvious thing in the world – which, frankly, it was.

“Can I give you more?” You sat the plate down on the pile of porcelain, “what?” you turned around to face him completely, sure you had heard him incorrectly, “I want to mark your skin up some more… will you let me, angel?”

You felt weak to your knees, if your hand hadn’t been on the counter you would’ve fallen on your face for sure. You looked in his eyes for any sign of sike-bitch-you-thought, but you all you saw was hope – hope that you might let him touch you again.

You wanted to slap yourself in that moment. His duality was driving you to the brink of insanity. His eyes were so gentle, so big and doe, god you felt like crying, but his words contradicted his facial expression completely.

You couldn’t bring yourself to utter a word; any trace of your voice at the back of your throat was gone. You stood there, in front of the beautiful boy completely lost in his eyes that held the universe.

You wondered – when stars die, are they reborn in his eyes?

When you didn’t answer, he placed a tender kiss on the curve of your jaw, testing the waters. He knew this could go either way – you’d either slap him across the face and proceed to bolt out of the kitchen screaming, or you’d let him.

He pulled back shivering, seeking for any sort of hint that you wanted him to resume. But all he saw was your closed eyes. Your eyes were so tightly shut it looked like his lips had stung you. He pouted; did you still not feel safe with him?

Forcefully brushing the thought out of his mind, his fingers began to travel up your arms, stimulating every fine hair he’d touch to stand up on its own. Though you never saw, his eyes never left you.

He cupped your jaw with both hands, holding you as if you were the most fragile thing in the world. You flinched when you felt a pair of soft rosebud-like lips right under your eye – peck – the bridge of your nose – peck – the tip of your nose – peck.

Your closed eyes softened, slowly opening them up letting your blurry vision adjust to the exposure of light. A relaxed exhale left your lips at the meeting of his eyes.

He damn near melted at the docility in your orbs, you were looking at him so sweetly, so gently.

What he wouldn’t give to have you look at him like this all the time.

He leaned in closer to your face, eyes fixated on your parted lips. You held your breath thinking he was going to kiss you – well he did, but he kissed your chin. Leaving you to have intuitively puckered your soft lips right above his upper lips. His dramatically defined cupids bow barely brushing against your bottom lips.

You had to force yourself from sinking your lips down to his.

He pulled away with a sigh, smiling gently, but you could see it was enforced. He turned around making his way out of the kitchen.

You wanted to stop him, but you knew it’d be for the best to let him leave. Still you stood there, facing the entrance of the kitchen perplexed.

–

Monday 06:16 PM

The weekend was now over, and so was the small break at the beach house. You were now back at your dorm, sat at your desk hitting the books – quite literally – you slapped your fist on and unknown page of the book, frustrated at your lack of concentration.

A line of curses left you mouth, rubbing your hands aggressively against your face in efforts to slap the procrastination out of your system.

Once you got back from the beach house, you immediately rushed to your shared dorm room with Mina, while she had left shortly after to visit Jimin at his dorm, you dug through your pile of school books to find something – anything, that would take your mind of off this weekend.

You sat with your mathematics book, opened up to the chapter about calculus and analytic geometry. You spent the last 45 minutes or so reading over the same sentence talking about how calculus is used to improve architecture, not only buildings, but also bridges and such. Or something along those lines, Ugh!

Finally, you came to the conclusion that this was absolutely useless, so you closed the book and jumped onto your bed. Reaching over to your nightstand to grab your phone, you pressed the button on the side to light up the previously black screen with traces of unread messages.

-1h ago

Jaehyun <3: hey princess

Jaehyun <3: can you come over?

Your stomach curled in an unknown way. Guilt hitting you like a ton of bricks all at once, fuck. You rose from the bed; leaving the phone on your pillow only to look down on it as if it was the ugliest thing you’d ever laid your eyes on.

You covered your mouth with a hand as the other pointed to the phone like it was a maleficent device. You felt your eyes begin to sting with fresh tears. It hit you – It finally fucking hit you. You cheated.

You felt overwhelmed with emotions, all the sentiments written down in the book washed over you to the point where you felt like you were going to burst. Infamy covered every inch of your body – how could you do this?

You felt ashamed, embarrassed of yourself. Not because you were afraid to hurt someone’s feelings, but because this wasn’t you – this wasn’t what you believed in. Cheating was never something you believed in. If you stood by that statement then how could you have let this happen?

How could you let the devil in the form of man tempt you this way? Cajole you to throw away what you believed in for the sake of – of what? God, you didn’t even know.

You didn’t want to admit that you had been selfish enough to carelessly give yourself to Jungkook, while your heart was supposed to belong to someone else.

Someone else, who you were supposed to dedicate all your faith to, all your loyalty, and you couldn’t even do that. How were you supposed to trust yourself if you couldn’t let yourself stay true to one person.

You threw it away – this relationship – you shoved it down the drain, and for what?

Jungkook.

Jeon fucking Jungkook.

The spawn of Lucifer himself. All of your sadness and shame slowly turned into anger. You hated him, you hated Jungkook. He seduced you, and you let him.

Did he do it on purpose? Was he trying to fuck up your life, your relationship? Your faith in yourself? You convinced yourself that this was his plan, that he wanted you to feel like this all along. What other explanation could there have been?

You never exchanged more than two – three on a good day – sentences with the boy, until Saturday. You never spoke to him properly, and he never approached you, until Saturday. He never showed any form of interested in you, Christ – you thought he hated you. You were never sure, until now.

He wanted to fuck up your life, that’s why he did it. Yes, that’s why. There was no other possible explanation to this, but why did he want to ruin everything for you? Did he actually hate your guts so much? You had never done anything to him, at least not of your knowledge. As mentioned, you barely spoke to him at all.

You tried to convince yourself you wanted him to hate you, and you almost believed.

Almost.

It would make things so much easier: You could reciprocate his hate, never speak of the night you two shared together, and then proceed to never speak to one another.

You sat yourself back on your bed with your hands aggressively running through your hair. Looking down at your thighs you saw a wet stain. You wiped your eyes not realizing you had been crying.

“Shit, I forgot my – Y/N?” snapping your head up to the source of the voice you automatically put on a fake smile, forgetting about the contradicting tears streaming down your face, “h-hey.”

She shook her head entering the dorm room completely, shutting the door behind her, “no, Y/N. You don’t give me that shit,” she fell onto the bed with you, wrapping her arms around you in which you immediately accepted.

You couldn’t stop it. Your tears were flowing freely now, low sobs were heard from you whilst your best friend was rubbing her palm in circular motion on your back in attempts to comfort you.

She didn’t speak, and you were thankful for that. All you could do was quietly sob on her shoulder, dampening her pink woollen sweater with your tears, but she didn’t care.

Once you finally calmed down, Mina pulled away, her hands still rubbing up and down along your arms, “is it really that bad?” Her words only made fresh tears dwell under your eyelashes – you instantly saw the regret in her face from asking, but you shook your head trying to communicate; It’s okay.

Rubbing on your already red nose, you sniffled before taking in a deep breath.

“Who’s bed do I need to shit on?” For the first time in a while, you giggled genuinely. God, you were thankful to have her.

“You seriously don’t need to tell me what’s going on but –“ you shook your head, “n-no, no I think it would be nice to let it out to someone.” Her gaze softened.

You lifted your feet from the edge of the bed, turning to her completely and folded you legs comfortably. Mina mirrored your action.

How were you going to tell her? Fuck, she would be so disappointed in you, wouldn’t she? Sure she had always secretly paired you and Jungkook together but certainly this wasn’t what she was thinking. Deciding there was no way to sugarcoat it, you told yourself the best option was to be straightforward.

“I cheated on Jaehyun.” You exhaled, not realizing you had been holding your breath in the first place.

“With, uhm.” You exhaled, “with Jungkook,” her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her skull, neck leaned forward. Not sure she had heard you correctly and surprised ‘what now?’ left her throat.

You couldn’t bare to say it again, so you simply hid your face behind your hands as your head sunk low. You jumped at the feeling of her arms wrapping themselves around you, squeezing you comfortably.

“And you’re beating yourself up because of it I’m guessing?” you pulled away looking at her, “how could I not?!” her eyebrows furrowed melancholically at your glossy eyes, “I cheated! I fucking cheated, I am not that kind of person!” your eyes were pouring with tears at this point.

“At least I thought I wasn’t.”

“You’re not,” you looked at her perplexed, “I’m not telling you cheating is okay, and I definitely think you should talk to Jaehyun about this,” she wiped your wet cheeks, “but your relationship with him… isn’t even a relationship anymore.”

You sniffled, “yeah I know, it’s not a proper excuse,” she explained, “but you of all people would never do this to someone you truly loved.”

You looked down at your hands that were placed comfortably on your lap, fiddling with your fingers while her words rung through your ears, “but I…I do like him.”

She smiled sadly, “and that’s the problem. You don’t love him, you only like him.” She caressed your arms, soothing running her palms up and down. “The way you said that sounded so depressing,” you looked at her, “you even hesitated.” You’re eyeballs were stinging from the hot tears.

“Y/N,” Mina chimed softly, holding your hands in hers, “does he make you happy?”

You nodded looking down at your lap, “look me in the eyes and tell me he makes you happy, and I’ll believe you.” Your blurred gaze shifted to meet hers. They were such easy words, why couldn’t you form them?

“He’s really nice,” you sniffled, “he’s just nice?” she questioned your statement, “damn, I would cheat on my boyfriend as well if nice was all I could describe him as – OW!” she rubbed the sting on the side of her arm, a result of your semi-playful smack, “I’m just messing with you.”

She cheekily smiled at you, and you couldn’t help but feel the corners of your lips twitch.

“It still isn’t an excuse… I should’ve talked to him about our relationship instead of –“ you couldn’t finish you sentence, feeling yourself choke on the words.

“Well.. maybe that’s what you should do now then,” she smiled softly. Yeah, maybe that’s what you should. He deserved to be told the truth, even though it was ugly – but what would come after that? Would he forgive you? If he did, would you even want to keep going with your, so-called, relationship?

What if he absolutely hated your guts after? He didn’t deserve it. Jaehyun wasn’t a match for you, but that still didn’t give you an excuse to go and have sex with Jungkook. You knew that very well.

“Yeah, I’ll go talk to him,” she nodded. You stood up from the bed, grabbing your leather jacket, “wait – right now?” she asked stunned. You nodded back at her while unlocking your phone to text your boyfriend.

“I might die from guilt if I don’t,” you put your phone in your pocket, “I’ll see you tonight,” and with that, you were out the door.

–

You knocked three long knocks on the fine wooden door in front of you, your palms damp with sweat as a result of your boiling nerves. It felt like years before the door opened.

“Princess,” you boyfriend smiled at you, pulling you by the forearm to engulf you with a hug. His arms were wrapped tightly around your waist while yours were hanging loosely around his shoulders, he didn’t seem to notice however. “Come in.” he smiled fondly at you, guiding you into his own dorm.

You both sat yourselves on his bed comfortably, it didn’t take long for you to start fidgeting in your seat and it took just as long for him to notice.

“What’s wrong?” he asked with concern in his voice. God, you couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him.

He placed a finger under your chin attempt to have you look at him, “w-we need to talk.” Your eyes met his. He raised an eyebrow at the significance in your voice. “Okay, talk.”

Where the fuck were you supposed to start?

I fucked a guy I hardly talk to over the weekend, what were you up to? No

I cheated on you because I don’t have feelings for you anymore. No

We should break up. No!

“Hey,” Jaehyun started when your breath became unsteady, “you can tell me anything, you know that right?” No, this you just couldn’t tell him.

“I uhm…” your eyes started stinging. Not the best timing you fuckers! You mentally cussed your tears, “I’m sorry,” a small sob ripped from your throat, “I’m so sorry, Jaehyun,” you were already a mess, tears streaming uncontrollably like they had not even an hour ago.

Jaehyun’s face twisted with concern, puzzled at why you started crying. “I’m horrible. I’m fucking horrible and you don’t deserve it.” Similar to Mina’s actions, his instinct was to wrap his arms around you, soothingly rubbing his thumb on your back.

“No you’re not, you’re perfect for me, Y/N.” you shook your head, disagreeing, “why would you say that?” his voice was gentle.

“I slept with someone else.”

You said it, you finally said it. You had expected that the feeling of a burden taken off of your chest would take over – however, that wasn’t your case at all.

If anything you felt even more terrible than you did in the first place, and the way your boyfriend’s arms loosened around you only made you cry harder.

“What?” was all he could say, looking at you. Any sign of mildness left his face, a cold stare washing over his face.

“Who?” you didn’t answer, “who did you fuck?” your cheeks had turned red at how hard you were rubbing them in attempt to dry your face.

“Y-you don’t know him,” you decided. Who it was, didn’t matter. You didn’t want any drama to escalate; you could clearly imagine a fistfight take place in front of you between Jungkook and Jaehyun. So if you could prevent it, you most certainly would.

“Bullshit,” he spat, “was it one of those fuckers from the weekend,” it was your turn to bark, “fuckers?” you were the one at fault here, there was absolutely no reason for him to label your closest friends so harshly.

“I’m the one who fucked up, don’t attack them,” you pointed at yourself, he scoffed, “you didn’t even deny it,” you stood up from the bed, tears still present under your eyelashes, “I told you! You don’t know him! Does it even fucking matter who it is?” he stood up with you.

“Yes! I have the right to know who the fuck you’re whoring around with!” your eyes widened.

Whoring around with?

“Tell me who you fucked!” at this point you were afraid the whole goddamn campus could hear what you two were fighting about. “No –..!”

In a matter of seconds you were pushed onto the bed, your boyfriend hovering right above you while placed perfectly between your legs. His fingers were tightly wrapped around your wrists, pinned above your head.

All the oxygen was punched right out of your lungs when he aggressively eyed the skin of your neck. Fuck, you hadn’t put concealer on. “You let this fucker shamelessly suck your neck, huh?” he practically crashed his mouth onto the already sore skin of your throat.

“J-Jaehyun what are you doing?” you squirmed uncomfortably beneath him. “Reminding you who the fuck owns you.” You couldn’t help but cringe at his words.

You twisted your wrists uncomfortably, “w-we should talk about this.” He scoffed, his tongue licking a long strip up you neck, sucking harshly. You wanted to scream. “Stop – stop,” you pleaded, wiggling in attempt to shove him off of you. You couldn’t.

“I don’t think just talking is gonna make you keep your hands to yourself. I need to discipline you, princess,” he uttered bitterly. The hairs at the back of your neck rose. Your face was wet, you couldn’t tell if it was from your previous sobs or if new tears had formed.

He moved his lips onto yours, forcefully moving them over yours.

You had kissed him before – many, many times, but it felt so unfamiliar to you. You didn’t like the feeling, not one bit. At this point you had stopped trying to get out of his grip, it was no use.

You felt useless, you felt numb. You didn’t move your lips, you stopped moving your feet, your hands. You didn’t even know if you were breathing anymore.

You laid there, completely still. You were sure the blood circulation at your wrists was cut off from the tight grip around them. You couldn’t feel your fingers, you wondered if they had turned pale from the lack of blood.

You felt him gather both your wrists in one hand, the grip still tight. His hand descending down from your arms down to you neck, and finally your chest. His grip on your breast had you whine out in discomfort, but he misunderstood it as another emote, “you like that, slut?” You didn’t answer. You just looked up at the ceiling with your glossy eyes, wishing you didn’t feel so weak.

His hand moved away from your breast, descending lower. You felt his cold fingers cup your sex above the fabric of your pants

And that’s when you felt it. It was as if his hand had been the electricity you needed to ignite your nerves back to life. “This cunt belongs to me.”

Your eyes shot directly to the disgusting man in front of you. “Get the fuck off me!” with all of the strength you had left in your body, you yanked both hands as hard as you could away from his, jolting your legs up and onto his chest trying to kick him off of you.

You bolted off of the bed, only to find a tight grip on your shirt yanking you back on the bed. However, it didn’t stop you from trying to escape – no – you had to get out of there.

With his fingers tangled in your shirt you pushed yourself near the door of his dorm. Reaching for the knob of the wooden material, you felt your shirt rip – you didn’t care.

You twisted the doorknob, opening the door and ran away as fast as you could.

You felt drowsy, but the adrenaline in your blood fuelled you enough to make it far enough for you to be safe, however you didn’t stop, you didn’t feel safe. So you kept running.

“Y/N?” a grip on your wrist stopped your feet in place. You looked back with fright written all over your face. Wincing in pain at the pressure applied to your already bruised wrist.

You were panting with heavy tears streaming down your face, your lipstick was smeared all over you lips, your hair was a complete mess, your shirt was ripped, revealing so much skin you felt your dignity wince. You tried holding the torn fabric in place but your bra and skin was still very visible. Bruises and marks were plastered all over your neck.

Jungkook’s eyes widened, taking in your appearance. You yanked your hand out of his grip, “d-don’t touch me…” your voice was weak

“Who did this to you?” his voice was quiet, stepping closer to you he took your hand in his, “Y/N, who the fuc-“

“I said don’t touch me!” once again you jerked your hand back, turning away before running back to your dorm.

You couldn’t stand to look at his face, you hated him with all of your heart. It was his fault. If he hadn’t touched you, your relationship with Jaehyun wouldn’t have ended, it would’ve been fine, you would’ve been fine. But you weren’t – and it was Jeon Jungkook’s fault.

Making it back to your dorm, you found Mina already sound asleep on her bed. Thank god, you sighed out of relief to yourself. In no way did you have the physical or mental capacity to explain your wrecked form to her, and on top of that would she, with no hesitation, go down to his dorm and beat the living shit out of Jaehyun if you told her what had happened.

You didn’t want any more trouble, so this was a secret you were going to take with you to the grave. You took off you leather jacket and changed your shirt into a non-damaged one. You wiped your face with a baby wipe in attempt to remove your smeared makeup.

Sinking your head into the pillow you let your quiet sobs mute themselves through the soft material.

–

Tuesday, 08:34 AM

You woke up feeling like absolute shit. Lazily you dragged yourself out of the bed to make your way over to the hall bathroom to get yourself ready for the day. Taking the essentials that you needed you dragged your feet down the hall.

Looking at the mirror, your eyes were slightly red from the countless amount of tears that had poured down your face the previous night. You wanted to cry again when you saw the marks on your wrists and neck.

No more crying, you have a day to get through, you thought to yourself while applying the concealer above the stains of dark purple and red. You applied cold water to your face in attempt to make them look somewhat normal again.

You finished your routine and made your way back to the dorm only to find Mina awake, on her bed scrolling through her phone. The sound of the door shutting caught her attention, shifting it to you, “Y/N, oh my god,” she dropped her phone beside herself on the bed, “how did it go yesterday?”

Trying not to have you voice crack you shrugged, swallowing thickly, “we broke up,” you smiled sadly. Her eyes softened.

Opening her arms to invite you into a hug, you gladly ran into her arms. Tears starting to form on your waterline once again, but miraculously you were able to stop them from spilling. “You wanna skip classes today? We could make it a fun girl’s day out!” she exclaimed excited.

You couldn’t help but chuckle a choked giggle, “n-no that’s okay, It’d be nice to get busy with studies – I need to distract myself from this mess,” you pulled away from her embrace, “we could do something after classes are done if you want?” you suggested, but she only returned an apologetic look.

“I can’t, I have plans with Jimin – I could cancel them if you’d wa-“ you shook your head rapidly, “no, no don’t do that, there’s no need.” She smiled, “I have classes in like,” you checked your phone, “twenty minutes,” you told her while making your way over to the door, “I’ll see you later?”

She nodded, smiling warmly at you “definitely,” and with that you shut the door.

You couldn’t focus. Images of the previous night kept flashing through your mind. Never had you ever imagined your now ex boyfriend would forcefully prey himself upon you. And Jungkook… his face was smeared with concern, he looked so worried – why did he care?

He didn’t give shit about you, clearly since he tried to jeopardise your relationship with Jaehyun, and frankly, had succeeded clearly.

Class ended – packing your shit you left the hall with your gaze low, you weren’t in the mood to see, nor talk to anybody. You wanted to go back to your own dorm room and bury yourself in books until your disturbing thoughts left your mind.

You felt your phone vibrating against your hip. Reaching towards your pocket you pressed the home button, lighting up the screen.

-1m ago

Jungkook: Y/N

Jungkook: are you done with your classes?

You rolled your eyes; a text from Jungkook was the absolute last thing you needed right now.

You: yeah why

You put your phone back in your pocket but he was quick to respond, having you sigh as you stopped walking to view his message.

Jungkook: can we talk?

Fuck no you couldn’t talk. You couldn’t talk now, heck – you never wanted to ever talk to him again. Your stomach couldn’t bare the thought of talking to him, much less – see him.

Not after everything that happened between the two of you. You wanted to claw your fingers at his face for turning your life into a living hell. Or was that entirely his fault?

You: no

Jungkook: please, we need to talk.

You: I said no

Your phone kept vibrating but you didn’t care. You had to put your own mental health first here, you wanted to focus on yourself and your own goddamn well-being before fixing things with everyone else, and by everyone else you meant Jungkook.

There was no way in hell you were going to talk Jaehyun again.

Finally, you made it to your dorm room safe and sound. You placed your phone on your nightstand before dropping yourself onto your comfy, welcoming bed.

It had been such a long day, and it wasn’t even over. You felt like dunking your head in the toilet and flush, thinking it would feel much better than whatever you were feeling now.

Your eyes grew heavy, feeling yourself slowly shut them as you were about to fall asleep when and loud, too loud in your opinion, knock was heard from the door.

Whining, you stood up from your bed, unwillingly dragging your feet over to the door and opening it. What a big mistake that was. “Y/N,” you didn’t respond, attempting to close the door in Jungkook’s face, but his foot stopped you from doing so.

“Move,” you said sternly, “I’m not in the mood for your bullshit,” his eyes widened at the vulgar tone in your voice. “Move your foot,” you warned, that didn’t stop him though, “No, wait please –“ he attempted to open the door you had so rudely, almost quite literally, smacked in his face.

You didn’t care; being rude to him was the last thing you cared about.

“I really need to talk to you,” he pleaded, “ten minutes, that’s all I need,” you stopped abusing his foot with the door. Sighing heavily you thought about his proposition, “five minutes.”

You opened the door to let him in, “ten,” your patience was running thin, “five, take it or leave it,” you said coldly.

Nodding gently, he entered the dorm. You sat on your bed, watching him awkwardly stand in front of your bed, “you can sit I’m not gonna stab you,” you huffed, which only made him chuckle, “you look like it,” he coughed awkwardly seeing the unamused look on your face. He quietly sat himself beside you, keeping a closer distance than you’d like.

“So…” he started, looking at you cautiously, “you’ve wasted two minutes,” you said checking your phone. Your cold eyes glanced back at his warm ones. “Uhm… Saturday huh.”

“Get out,” you pointed to your door, he furrowed his eyebrows sadly, “wha – I still have three minutes,” he let out gently, “yeah, not anymore. Get out of my dorm,” you stood up from your bed. “You can’t keep running away from this, Y/N,” he started, still seated on your bed, “we have to talk about this one way or another.”

You ran your fingers through your hair frustratingly; you really weren’t in the mood to talk to Jungkook, let alone talk to him about what the fuck had happened on Saturday. As immature as it seemed of you to run away, that’s what you needed. You needed to run away from this situation, from him.

“I don’t want to talk about Saturday, so if that’s all you came to talk about then you can be so kind and get the fuck out of my dorm, before I shove you out myself.” He tilted his head, rising from your bed, you stepped away when he took a step closer to you and he noted to keep his distance with you.

“Why are you so mad–“ you almost punched him in the face, “why am I so mad?” you repeated to yourself, “I don’t know, Jungkook. You tell me, why am I mad?” you smiled, but it wasn’t sincere, you were sure you looked like a complete psychopath to him.

“I d-don’t know, that’s why I’m asking…” he said in a small voice. You questioned why he looked so fragile in front of you, Jungkook had a well-built body, and if he needed to he could put it to use. Visibly he was much stronger than you, so why did he look scared of you.

“Because I fucked you!” you yelled, “we fucked! We had sex!” your voice grew louder by every word, you could visibly see him shudder at the sudden volume of tone.

You, however, kept going, “have you even begun to understand what the fuck that means?!” he shook his head, “that’s why I wanted to talk, I want to know what it means–“

“It means I cheated! I cheated on Jaehyun with you!” he sunk his head low, he looked like he was getting scolded by his mom.

You pinched the bridge of your nose in attempt to calm yourself down, “what were you trying to achieve. Honestly,” he was about to answer but you beat him to it, “were you trying to ruin my relationship.”

“What – no I wasn’t–“ you didn’t let him finish, “we broke up, so congratulations. Mission accomplished,” you clapped sarcastically with a bitter smile plastered across your lips. He stood there, completely mute. Silence took over the room. Was he supposed to say something?

“Do… do you want me to talk to him–“ your fists were tingling, begging you to put them to use and launch them towards his jaw.

“No!” feeling his knees giving up on him, he sat himself back on your bed, “don’t you want to get back with him?” he questioned in such a small voice you almost felt bad.

“No, I don’t,” the relief that washed over his eyes briefly only fuelled your anger, “why are you mad then?” Unbelievable.

“This is not about me cheating on Jaehyun, this is about me cheating in general!” he looked puzzled. “Why did you seduce me into it? Is this what you wanted? To see me on the brink of insanity?” he shook his head no, “then what?!”

“B-because I actually wanted you!” for the first time, he raised his voice. “that’s why.”

The protest at the back of your throat died, “you fucking liar,” you were fuming with anger, you were sure you were going to go insane. “I’m not lying, I never acted to hurt you or make you feel used. I did what I did because I want you.” You didn’t believe him, no matter how reassuring his words sounded; you didn’t believe him one bit.

“Angel–“

“Don’t call me that.”

“I still don’t understand why you’re so mad at me… didn’t you want me?” You felt like crying, you had explained yourself to him countless times, he just didn’t understand. He wanted to hurt you, and clearly it was working. You were sure of it. Warm, fresh tears started forming, slowly blurring your vision and you saw Jungkook’s eyes softened at the sight of your teary eyes.

“I don’t know how the fuck I am supposed to feel about this. I cheated on my now ex boyfriend with you, and I have no fucking idea how I should feel about it.” You let your tears fall. “Do you regret it?” you felt weak, you forced your knees to keep you standing.

“Are you shitting me – was that all you heard?” your mouth was quivering. You didn’t want to cry in front of him. You didn’t want to appear weak, but the damage was already done.

“Jaehyun can go to hell. How you feel about this is what’s most important to me,” you felt powerless under his gaze – it was your turn to feel small. “it’s a simple ‘yes’ ‘no’ question, Y/N, it shouldn’t take this long to answer.”

“what, I-“ it was his turn to cut you off, “did I fucking stutter? Do you regret it yes or no?” you stayed silent, “do you regret fucking me?”

“I don’t know!” you finally let out, your form trembling, “I don’t know…” You sighed deeply; you rubbed your temple, trying to ease the agonizing headache that was forming.

“I hate that I let myself go this far with you, but what I hate more is the fact that I don’t know if I regret it or not.” He rose from his seat, once again – attempting to reach out to you but you gave him a warning look. “Don’t,” you held out your hand in front of him indicating that he should stay in his spot exactly.

You mentally cussed yourself when you saw his gaze shift to your wrist – your bruised wrist. Completely disregarding your warning, he took your hand in his, carefully inspecting the dark blue and purple stains plastered all over your skin.

He ran his thumb over the dark discolouration gently, but even at that did you hiss – causing the dark-haired boy’s eyes in front of you to shoot up and meet yours. There it was, again, the unreadable expression on his face. Was it pity? Was it anger? Was it sadness? – You couldn’t tell. “Did he do this?”

Jungkook’s voice was quiet; his eyes sunk to your wrist. You lazily pulled your hand back to have it fall to your side, you didn’t have the energy to yell at him anymore, you didn’t have the energy to explain yourself, you didn’t even have the energy to lie to him.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m done with him,” he looked at you again, “of course it matters, he hurt you,” he started in disbelief, “how could that not matter?” his eyes widened as if he had realised something, “yesterday… in the hallway, when I saw you running.” He didn’t finish his sentence, taking in your lugubrious expression. His heart sank when he saw your face twitch in discomfort, as if you a painful image had flashed before your eyes.

Your eyebrows furrowed, lips trembling while small quiet sobs rung through his ears.

He wanted to hug you. Fuck, you looked like you were going to break in half if he didn’t wrap his arms around you then and there. But you’d push him away and he knew it, so he restrained himself. “Y/N... I-I’m sorr–”

“Leave,” you whispered, you were tired, you were exhausted. You just wanted to be alone why was that so hard for him to understand? You looked down at your feet, you felt embarrassed. You didn’t want him to know you couldn’t protect yourself; you didn’t want to tell him what had happened to have left you with so many bruises.

“Jungkook, please, I’m begging you,” your voice was shaking at this point, and at that he let your hand go.

“Leave me alone.”

You failed to notice the hurt in his eyes, he slowly stepped away from you, heading towards the door with his head hanging low – to leave you alone, just like you had requested. You failed to notice the tears that had begun to sting his big doe eyes.

You failed to notice him.

–

A/N: not gonna lie, writing this part kind got me emotional. please don’t hate me for taking forever to write this part i’m sorRY, i tend to rewrite things a lot so i take my sweet sweet time :(( hope you liked it cuties, pleaseeee let me know what you think, i would love to improve my writing so don’t hesitate to give me some feedback! I think i rewrote this part at least twice ajhndshb. okkk bye for now! mwahhhh

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