#best dad award goes to him every year without fail

[ropebunnykant]

happy father’s day to gabe caldwell and gabe caldwell only

[sunsetcurveofficial]

jatp fics by yours truly

[so, since i’ve written quite a few jatp fics in my time now, i decided that it’s time for a little masterpost before i post something new. sorted the way they appear in my ao3 stats.]

Force of Nature [Luke/Reggie, 49k, T, famous!AU]

Luke meets Reggie in a toilet stall at an award show when he's just trying to hide from everyone. He's the frontman of famous pop punk band Sunset Curve, and Reggie is an international country star. Something shifts in his life when he asks Reggie to sneak out of the award show together to attend an underground punk rock gig instead. Luke doesn't believe in love at first sight, but Reggie sure as hell makes him question everything he's ever believed in before.

A Change of Scenery [Luke/Reggie, 32k, M, camping AU]

“Oh! Apparently, there are 36 questions that are designed to make anyone fall in love with anyone,” Reggie says, eyes wandering over the page. “That sounds easy.” Luke peers at the article and snorts. “Yeah, right. You mean to tell me that if I do these with Bobby’s dad, I will fall in love with him? Sounds likely.” Reggie shrugs, a grin tugging at his lips when he meets Luke’s eyes. “We could try it. Scared to actually fall in love with me, Patterson?”

or, Luke takes Reggie on a camping trip to the woods in an attempt to cure his writer's block and gets a little more than he bargained for.

Not That Straight [Luke/Reggie, 4.8k, T, post canon]

“Am I the only straight person in this group?” Three heads immediately turned towards Reggie, and three pairs of eyebrows were raised at him at the same time. Alright. They didn’t have to make it quite so obvious that he was the odd one out, right? “You sure, Reg?” Alex asked with a fair amount of disbelief in his voice. Luke snorted. “I’ve seen the way you look at me, bro. You aren’t that straight.”

Keep Dreaming Like We'll Live Forever [Luke/Reggie, 10k, T, post canon]

A few weeks before the Orpheum, Luke wrote a list of things he wanted to do before he turned 20. Obviously he never got that far, but the list is still there, crammed into his notebook. Death didn’t make him quite as dead as he expected, though, so maybe there is still a chance to do all the things he missed out on when he was alive.

(Part 1 of the Bucket List series)

One Life, No Regrets [Luke/Reggie, 12k, T, post canon]

After crossing almost everything off his bucket list of things he wanted to do before he turned 20, Luke tackles the second list he wrote a few weeks before the Orpheum: Things he originally wanted to do before he turned 30. Life after death still has more in store for him than he ever expected, including some valuable lessons about love and happiness, and about pain and heartache.

(Part 2 of the Bucket List series)

Sometimes Two Is Better Than One [Alex/Reggie/Luke, 2.1k, poly soulmates AU]

It’s weird, this soulmates thing. Alex has always thought so. People are born with random sentences scribbled onto their skin, and they’re supposed to be the first words their soulmate ever says to them. Generally speaking, he does think that the soulmarks make sense, too. For most people. His, however, has never made any sense at all.

Because his soulmark says "Hi, I’m Reggie. Reggie says you’re killing it on the drums, man."

Alex And His Rose Bush Boys [Alex/Reggie/Luke, 6.6k, poly pre-canon AU]

Five times Alex has to watch his two drunk and supposedly straight best friends make out with each other, and one time he finally gets to join.

Or, Luke and Reggie are completely oblivious and Alex has a lot of feelings.

Two Can Play This Game [Luke/Reggie, 5.9k, pre-canon AU]

Luke Patterson is a menace. He’s stubborn and persistent, and when he wants something, he stops at nothing to get it. And that includes flirting with Reggie to make him go to a punk rock gig in downtown LA with him. Luke is so sure he's going to win, but two can play his game. Reggie won’t just let him have it, and he will most certainly not go down without a fight.

For the prompt: “Stop flirting with me, I’m not going to fall for it.”

In Heaven I Can Skate [Alex/Willie, Luke/Reggie, 3k, post-canon AU]

The boys get drunk on liquor that Willie smuggled out of Caleb's cursed club, and Alex decides that it's the perfect time for Willie to teach him how to skateboard.

Meanwhile, Reggie feels a little impulsive.

Booksmart [Luke/Reggie, 1.5k, post-canon AU]

“This says that one in four people are gay,” Reggie reads out loud. “That means at least one person in this band is gay. I hope it’s Luke. Because Luke is cute.” Alex looks like he's about to have an aneurysm. “Dude. I’m literally right here. I’m the gay one.” Julie giggles. “Honey, I hate to break it to you, but I have a feeling he’s not the only one who’s a little gay in this band.”

Better Think With Your Mouth [Luke/Reggie, 2.3k, pre-canon AU]

“You kissed me!” Reggie shrieks, spluttering as he drops the guitar pick he’s been holding onto for the entirety of his rant. Luke merely chuckles and goes right back to strumming idly on his acoustic guitar. “Luke!” Reggie tries again, staring at his friend like he’s lost his mind. Luke must have lost his mind, right?

or, Reggie keeps going on extensive rants, and Luke starts kissing him to shut him up.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang [Luke/Reggie, 2.2k, post-canon AU]

It's New Year's Eve and Reggie just wants a kiss.

Bed Head [Luke/Reggie, 2.3k, pre-canon AU]

Here’s the thing. Reggie loves Luke’s messy hair. He would never admit it, of course, but the messier Luke’s hair, the more he enjoys watching him.

For the prompt: "Your bed head is really cute."

Post-it Notes [Luke/Reggie, 1.3k, pre-canon AU]

Reggie cleans Luke's room and leaves small notes on his things that make them both rethink just how platonic their feelings for each other really are.

For the prompt: “Don’t be sorry… it was kind of cute, actually.”

Loving Luke Patterson [Julie/Luke, Luke/Reggie, 7.2k, post-canon AU]

Julie and Reggie talk one afternoon and end up realising they're both in love with Luke. So, naturally, they become best friends. And Luke? Well, falling in love with people is just what Luke Patterson does, apparently.

Every Storm That Comes [Luke/Reggie, 5k, post-canon AU]

"Luke wants to be with Julie, because she’s awesome. Because she’s more than good enough. It doesn’t even matter that he’s a ghost and Julie isn’t. He wants to be with her anyway. He’d never want to be with someone like Reggie."

Or, Reggie has some mental health issues to work through, and his feelings for Luke don't really help. He learns that there is so much more love in his life than he ever realised, though, and that every storm has a tendency to come to an end eventually.

Through The Ages [Luke/Reggie, 4.2k, post-canon AU]

“So Luke, huh?” Alex asks, a small smile pulling at his lips. Reggie just grunts in agreement. “You know, I couldn’t stop him from confronting Julie about the song, but it‘s only a matter of minutes until she tells him that she didn’t write it.” “It doesn’t matter now,” Reggie says quietly. “He didn’t even stop to consider that it’s mine. He just thinks I’m a loser who writes bad country songs.”

or, After a few failed attempts at telling Luke how he feels about him, Reggie decides to write Luke a song instead. He sneaks it into Luke's journal, excitedly waiting for his best friend to find it. But when Luke finally does, he assumes Julie wrote it.

[armyhome]

- Lovely, Army (Kim Taehyung)

⇢ summary: 7 times you only talked through letters and 1 you didn't have to.

⇢ pairing: Taehyung x Reader.

⇢ genre: Cute, just a little bit sad I promise, funny.

⇢ word count: 2.4K

⇢ warnings:  well, some armys can put taetae's face on a satellite, others (me) can only write fanfics, each one with its bargaing power, right? hahaha'

The First Letter :

“Dear Taehyung, 

I read that you lost someone important in the last month, I’m truly sorry for your loss. I saw how sad you’re and feel more sorry that you don’t have time to process your loss, but I hope that all armys around you can give you strength.

A few years ago, I lost  someone too, and that still hurts sometimes, she was the only person who made me feel loved, she treated me like I was important and my existence was meaningful. She was gone the same year that BTS debuted, I feel that she asked for angels 'cause she knows already how much I would need your songs and lyrics to go on. I felt so lost at the time, it’s hurt so much, sometimes I feel that pain will consume, it was like being locked in a room of pain and sadness for so long that I forgot that every room has a door, but BTS songs, Taehyung's smiles and voice guided me into the door, and all these combined helped me open, sometimes this kind of pain comes back, but because of your existence I don’t need to be alone anymore.

Pain is part of the process of growing. When I was younger, for some reason I felt pain in my legs, my dad used to say to me that was because I was growing. I waited for years and it was a LIE! I’m still a short person, almost a human in pocket version! But I found out that it's an emotional pain, this kind of pain makes us grow, whether we want to or not, in these moments we remember that we are only humans, and this can make us better or worse as a person, it’s up to us.

Today I realized that she never leaves me 'cause her memories are always gonna be part of me and gonna give me power to chase the right paths. I know that can be different for every single person and I shouldn't focus on my feelings, but just in case that you are feeling the same way, know that you have someone on this earth who kinda understands you and will always give you support.  

I truly hope that you find yourself feeling the same way for army, because we believe that you all are the light to find our doors to get out of this terrible room, and look at your memories, the people that you truly love never really leave you, and they will help you live from now on, 'cause they know life can be wonderful like you’re!

-Lovely, Army. 

Second Letter

Dear Taetae,

Blood Sweat & Tears achieved 7 millions views in 24 hours which makes it the most watched KPOP video on the platform! YEEEEEY! I keep feeling like something good will happen, we are more organized now and determined to realize BTS' dreams, because that's what you deserve! I’m so happy right now, bet you are too! Tae, life definitely can be wonderful like you!

Ps. I found a job, so I’m gonna start university soon which means I can go to the next concert! YEEEY!

-Lovely, Army.

Third Letter

Dear Taetae,

Unfortunately, I couldn't get tickets for this concert! I’m so sad, I can’t stop crying, but universities are just so expensive, I’m so sorry! That’s the second time I lose the opportunity of being with you guys.  

But I believe my sisters armys will do an amazing job. Here we feel that our mission is to give you strength, energy, happiness to keep up  with the tour. I really hope that you can feel this, I will send all the good energy that exists in me from home.

Have a great show, I know for sure, that's gonna be wonderful like you. 

-Lovely, Army.

Fourth Letter

CONGRATULATIONS DEAR TAETAE!

Congrats to all Bangtan Boys! I’m so happy right now that I’m speechless, you guys look so good on Billboard stage! Please tell Moonie to never, ever change his hair again, it’s perfect this way! Jimin looks nervous, please tell him that he was perfect! Everybody was perfect! Yoongi and Hobi look so happy! Kookie looks like James Bond! You and Seokjin were just modeling all the time, how do you do that? Did it hurt when you guys fell from heaven? I wish I knew how to be beautiful like this! 

When they announced the award, I was so excited that I screamed even being so late my mom almost kill me hehehe’ 

Well, in my life, it is time to face the pain of growing again, but that's fine 'cause my bangtan is happy, and your happiness makes me strong enough to face everything, you already showed me that life can be wonderful like you, it's just a matter of time. 

-Lovely, Army. 

Fifth Letter 

Dear Taetae,

I finally have wonderful news! \o/

Just got the tickets to the concert! I’m gonna see you guys for the first time in almost five years of being an army! You believe people can die of happiness? ‘Cause I think I can die right now! Thinking again, I should only die after the concert! I wanna scream, but I’ll save my voice for the show! I know that will be wonderful like you and I’m gonna sing Best Of Me loudest I can until I lose my breath!

Ps 1. Indeed, I lost my breath and my voice, for a whole week, this show was everything to me.  

Ps 2. You looked wonderful.

Ps 3. Is Jimin okay? Tell Yoongi we gave our best but rap is difficult! Did Seokjin see our hearts? Did Hobi feel our love? Moonie was so handsome! JK seemed so happy, so cute, like he was 15 again! 

Ps 4. We always will wait for you, Taetae!

-Lovely, Army.

Sixth Letter

Dear Taetae,

Thank you for releasing Winter Bear.

This last year has been thought of to me, but I always could count on BTS as my support, and that your song was everythingI needed right now. 

One day, I was reading a book named “Human Revolution” by the philosopher Daisaku Ikeda and I found that sentence:  “Winter never fails to turn into spring” At first, I thought that I had understood the meaning of the sentence, until I caught myself trying make spring appears in the middle of winter, I didn’t get that I had endure the process of winter, but I almost could keep myself up, the cold was too harsh on me, and still really cold right now. But you gave me a friend to spend that time and keep me warm! Now with winter bear I can wait for spring to come again. 

-Lovely, Army.

Seventh Letter 

Dear Taetae,

It's been awhile, right? What to say about this year? Thanks that's over?  

Finally, I realized that the pain of growing it’s a life thing, it’s not comfortable, but I’m proud of the person I became, and I know that who I’m right now is because of all those things that  I went through, and I only was strong enough because of you and BTS. I should've saved those letters, because you probably didn't read any of them, but I was so honest that I wanna compare myself now and who I was in the beginning. My honesty on those letters was because I always feel that you are one of my best friends Taetae. 

2020 made me face so much pain from other people because of my work, and I feel that I can put myself in someone else's place better. Remember when I told you that I would be able to start in the university? Well, I just finished my graduation! These last few years I was saving some money to help buy a house for my family but my dad did it first, and he told me that the money I was keeping is for my dreams, so I quitted my job, and opened my design studio, and everything is going so well that we are gonna have a place in Korea soon! 

Finally spring shows up in my life! Like in Inner Child, I know everything I'll be okay, 'cause today I’m doing fine! My mom always says “In the rain, you should act like an adult, but when the suns rise, you can play like a child” I wish I could hold your hand and say thank you in person, my best friend! I wish that we could be kids for one day, so people wouldn't see second intentions and we would be free to play together! I’m wishing for many things, right? Why do I feel you so close when you already reached the stars?

Thank you so much for keeping me warm this winter, I’m always gonna be grateful for you and BTS! I love you all so much! 

Ps. Just for my delulu reasons, I’m gonna let the address in Korea here…

-Lovely, Army.

"It’s  wonderful!" says Inna. Like Tae, I think "I’m really happy to work here, CEO!"

"I’m glad that you feel like that! The brazilian team will be here tomorrow morning. I know the Korean culture of only leaving after the boss left, but LaB has a different culture, but I will tell you more tomorrow with the team, for today you can go, there is nothing to do here anymore. I just wanna  stay a little bit more, for emotional reasons…" She looks at me unsure "I’m not lying, you can go, have a good dinner with your family! Your meal card is not here yet, so…" I pick the money in my pocket "Buy them some meat, and say good things about me, okay?"

She was so happy, that was what made me enchanted for her personality! Now alone I can absorb all that has happened, it was spring on korean so the weather was just the way that I like!  

Walking in the gallery where I put all our artists' jobs, I look at the painel I put on the reception: Just wonderful people work here, be nice to them or get out!  

I hope that I can be an amazing leader, and will work hard for this. 

Taking a deep breath to believe that was my reality. Should I drink soju? Yes! With teboki, always wanna try this!  I close the front door and when I turn, and  I’m already drunk, 'cause what I’m seeing can not be real, it's not him. 

"I was going to ask if it was you, but your expression gives me the answer I need" His deep voice. If my heart beats any faster, it will break the sound barrier "So here goes my second question: If you didn’t believe that I was reading them, why did you send those letters?" 

I looked at both sides of the street, it was so risky for him.

"Faith?" He smiles. God please don't take me right now "Do you wanna see the gallery?" I look both sides again "Someone can see you here and misinterpreted!"

"Don’t worry, I wouldn't come without my bodyguards, they are keeping the perimeter safe" Wow! Is he a musician or a politician? "Sorry for being so suspicious, but I just know you from the letters, there was no way to be sure, mainly because you never put an address until now or your name…"

"Sorry, my brain stopped working at 'my bodyguards are keeping the perimeter safe'" I say imitating his voice "That's mean I can have a fanpanic?" His left eyebrow arches "You are you! You are Kim Taehyung, from my BTS, my wonderful Taetae! Aaaaaa!" I catch his hand.

"Thank you so much, for every single song, ever single world means so much to me!"

He smiles and my heart melts, so precious, so perfect! Wonderful just like he could be.

"Are you adorable like this all the time?" I look inside his eyes, if I die right now, I have no regrets in this life "What were you planning to do?"

"Drink soju, eat something, enjoy the weather… Wait, do you think one of your bodyguards can get this for us? I have the money, I just wanna show you my LaB, and stare at you as much as possible!" 

He sends a message and within five minutes, maybe less we have a complete meal, when we are inside his smiles at the painel, I show him the arts and guide him to the rooftop, Inna and I worked the whole day organizing that place, it was perfect. 

"You didn’t answer me. Why didn't you put your address when you started to write those letters?" Taehyung asks as he sits and starts to eat.

"Well, I think you have better things to do…"

"I would've answered it, your first letter was so special for me, to write those things, for me it was new to be loved in that way, I got so nervous when you said how hard it was, that you were sad" He takes a deep breath "But I couldn't help, because I didn't know how to find you!"

"But you did, your songs found me!" I hold his hand one more time, hoping this moment would last forever "I’m fine now, don’t need to worry!"

"Your wish in the last letter was to play like a child…" Taehyung observes the rooftop space  "Let's play tag!"

"You don't have to do this, Taehyung…" He can not be serious!

"You’re not allowed to call me anything but Taetae, got it?" I just laughed out loud, so he tapped my shoulder "Your turn!"

So we play, like childs in this magical moment, my own fairy tail, my happy ever after, lovely, wonderful, just like him, I didn't need more than this. Right before he goes, I give him my card.

"Just in case…" I don't finish, I can't find the worlds.  

"Give me your phone" I don’t think before putting my cell phone in his hand "Best Friends have each other's number. Please, if you have a hard time…"

"I’ll send you a letter, don't worry!" He looked at me like it was unbelievable, and it was for me, I stayed at the door seeing his car go. My phone shows me a new message.

 “Make your wishlist Lovely Army, see you soon!”     

[lowellchanning]

Q U O T E

Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

B A S I C S

NAME lowell thibodeaux channing NAME MEANING since lowell’s father passed before he was born, lowell’s mom, birdie, wanted to honor her late husband in naming their son. channing means young wolf, so she chose lowell, meaning little wolf, as a way to carry on her husband’s legacy. thibodeaux, meaning bold or brave, is birdie’s maiden name. NICKNAMES in college when he grew a beard each basketball season he garnered the name sasquatch, sometimes shortened to squatch. some of his coworkers call him that around the station. GENDER cis male PROUNOUNS he/him AGE thirty-two BIRTHDAY august 13 BIRTH PLACE new orleans, lousiana

F A M I L Y

PARENTS guy channing (father; deceased), birdie (mother; surname tbd); charles (step-dad; surname tbd) SIBLINGS step-sister (name tbd; wanted connection here!) PETS gus, a rhodesian ridgeback

A P P E A R A N C E 

FACE CLAIM derek theler BUILD 6′5, athletic. lowell’s muscles have always tended to be defined without him having to put too much effort into it, though that doesn’t mean he doesn’t put in the hours needed both for his health and his profession. lowell balances his love of junk food and midnight snacks with lean proteins and plenty of greens. HAIR light brown. the longer it gets, the more curl and texture it has, and lowell takes the time to style it properly. when he grows a beard his whiskers tend to be more on the ginger rather than brunette side of things. EYES blue DISTINGUISHING MARKS surgical scar on his left elbow from fixing a break sustained during a basketball game when he was 12. TATTOOS wolf paw print between his shoulder blades STYLE modern, casual comfort. shorts, tanks, jeans, t-shirts, and flannels. ACCESSORIES his father’s watch. lowell doesn’t wear it on his wrist, but it’s usually in one of his pockets, or kept safe and tucked away in his nightstand. HYGIENE lowell sometimes showers multiple times a day, and has for years depending on sport practices, games, and workouts, and then on work calls SCENT le labo santal 33; sandalwood and leather

P S Y C H O L O G Y

LANGUAGES english and some creole phrases/expressions VOCABULARY average-ish. he can figure out ‘big’ words with good context, and got used to looking things up from a young age. MEMORY keeping a calendar and to-do lists on his phone is needed more so for organizational and focus TEMPERAMENT sanguine  LEARNING STYLE mainly kinaesthetic, but there are some auditory elements that work for lowell. EMOTIONAL STABLITY pretty high, though that’s because lowell’s worked hard (after some rough teenage years) to have a steady foundation, which his job definitely depends on. sometimes he still bottles things up and will release it all during a workout, but over the years he’s learned when to confront something head-on rather than allowing it to fester. 

C H A R A C T E R

PRIORITIES carrying for others and most importantly his family, both familial and found MOTIVATION making his family proud SELF CONFIDENCE lowell’s always had confidence in his physical abilities. it’s his intelligence where his confidence will at times waiver, but he feels like he’s found a profession that allows him to shine. SELF CONTROL lowell had to learn some level of discipline pretty early on when it came to managing sports and academics. those lessons his mom helped instill have carried through to adulthood and lowell’s career choices. HOBBIES playing music, basketball, outdoor adventures, camping, gardening MANNERISMS usually a bouncing leg/knee when sitting still, especially for too long. running his hands through his hair when talking. touching his neck when nervous. scratching his forehead or cheek when stumped and trying to come up with an answer so he won’t feel dumb. also saying his sirs or ma’ams or missus as his mother taught and expected of him. HABITS after failed medication attempts, lowell found that yoga helps center and focus his mind, plus has improved his overall flexibility, which helps on the job, so he does at least a short routine every morning. on saturdays or sundays, depending on his shifts, he’ll make a big breakfast spread, have hot chocolate (sometimes with coffee), and do a crossword puzzle, because having to look up clues on his phone isn’t cheating, it’s just learning. ABILITIES strength and endurance. musicality. empathy.  INEPTITUDES lowell isn’t the brightest crayon in the toolshed, and had to put forth a lot more effort than most when it came to learning and course work in school. he also can’t dance. whatever grace and agility he has when it comes to athletics, and the fact that he can drum and keep a beat, goes completely away the moment he steps on a dance floor.  SOFT SPOTS animals, tiny humans, and other people who have suffered loss GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT graduating college, then the firefighter academy, and passing his EMSVO, EMT, and AEMT certifications WESTERN ZODIAC leo CHINESE ZODIAC dragon PRIMAL SIGN orca HOGWARTS hufflepuff ONE SONG "in the air tonight" phil collins ONE BOOK the giving tree shel silverstein ONE MOVIE mrs. doubtfire

P R E F E R E N C E S

LIKES the tired feeling in his muscles and bones after a productive and intense workout or physical call. tacos. pizza. nachos. whoopie pies. his mom’s etouffee and po-boys. root beer floats. spending the day out in nature. gaming. sports. DISLIKES moxie. salt and vinegar chips. ranch dressing. still not a huge fan of maine winters but dealing with it. KINKS consensual voyeurism. PET PEEVES people who are rude to service workers. the trend of crank 9-1-1 calls on tiktok.

H O M E  +  W O R K  +  E D U C A T I O N

HOMETOWN new orleans, lousiana (until 14); somerton, maine CURRENT RESIDENCE bridgeport, row house TRADITIONS sunday family dinners HIGH SCHOOL bursted park high (basketball and jazz band) COLLEGE somerton university (basketball) DEGREES b.s. with a concentration on social work/sciences CERTIFICATIONS FFI, FFII, hazardous material operations, public safety diver, EMSVO, EMT, AEMT PROFESSION firefighter/emt (10+ years) EMPLOYER somerton fire and rescue EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES pick-up basketball, cover band drummer

B I O

New Orleans was all Lowell had ever known. Aside from only a few out of state vacations, the city had always been home. And honestly, growing up in Nola meant Lowell got the best of the both worlds: big city living with a small town feel thanks to the neighborhoods and wards of Nola. Families on their street were friendly and nosy, and honestly Lowell’s mom, Birdie, didn’t mind at all because one, she had nothing to hide, and two, was more than happy that when other people learned of her situation -- a widowed and working single mom -- they were more than willing to help out. Which was how instead of becoming a latchkey kid, between after school hours and school vacation, Lowell became a surrogate member of more than a few neighboring families. And while Birdie wished she had been able to make it home from the hospital for more dinners, she was always home in time to sit down at the kitchen table and help Lowell struggle through his assigned school work.

The story was always the same each new school year, with every parent-teacher conference and IEP meeting. Lowell was always a pleasure to have in class, but he was either struggling with math or reading comprehension or his overall attention was lacking. But while Lowell and the general classroom weren’t on the best of terms, he excelled in other areas. Given his size and the fact that he towered over most of his classmates, it wasn’t shocking when the gym teacher had glowing remarks and commented that Lowell’s abilities were well beyond his years, but Birdie was surprised to learn from the music teacher that her son was both attentive and eager to learn in her class, too. After informing Lowell that participation in extracurriculars was dependent upon remaining in good academic standing, sports and music became an award system of sorts. It also didn’t hurt that burning through energy on the field or court, or banging it out with his drums meant that Lowell was less inclined to take out his frustrations of not understanding a word problem or summary question on a kitchen chair or wall.

The summer before eighth grade Lowell started to notice that his mom was coming home early from shifts now and again, getting gussied up, and leaving him with instructions for cooking frozen pizza or bagel bites while she went out. She was always home in time to look over homework and make sure Lowell was in bed on time, so Lowell never wondered too hard about it. Until the day she came home and said they’d be having a guest for dinner. Lowell met whom would become his step-dad that night. Two weeks later he met whom would become his step-sister. And before the start of the new school year, but after a small ceremony in the backyard, the new family had packed up all their belongings to move nearly 2000 miles up north. Chuck, an anesthesiologist,  had a new job at Kane-Russell Memorial in Somerton, and there was no doubt that he could pull strings and get Birdie on the RN rotation there, too.

While having a new family should have been the biggest change in Lowell’s life, everything about Maine was so different from Louisiana. Somedays it felt like Lowell was waking up in a whole new country, especially with his accent and missing his favorite local foods. But eventually school started and Lowell fell back into familiar routines of sports, music, and school work, and soon enough it wasn’t so scary putting roots down in a new place with a new family.

By the time Lowell graduated high school he had a scholarship for Somerton U. Even though he could have lived at home, he lived on-campus to have the full college experience, which also included playing as 4-year starter Seahorse on the basketball team. Lowell might have graduated with a social sciences degree, but after their team bus came upon an accident one winter night and Lowell witnessed firsthand everything the emergency response squads were doing to not only save people, but just to calm their nerves, he sort of felt like maybe he had a found something that could be a good fit for him. Lowell was already working towards his EMT certification when he graduated, and after moving back home began to apply to the Somerton firehouse. Lowell’s been part of the Somerton Fire, Rescue, and EMT Services family for ten years now and loves that every day is a bit of a new adventure. When he’s not working, Lowell’s playing drums in a cover band that sometimes performs at On the Rocks or hanging out with dog, Gus.

[laila-rk]

Taika Waititi’s Jojo Rabbit

I will admit I went into Jojo Rabbit with reluctance and in an already bad mood. I was planning on watching Little Women which I was very excited for but didn't make it in time, so it kind of felt like 'settling' for another film already. When the film began I was annoyed when the blatant rip-off Moonrise Kingdom aesthetic that I had expected from the trailer came to fruition. I don't personally see why a director would desire to rip off another's aesthetic and how they could be so conspicuous about it, but hey ho. So the entire first forty minutes or so I will admit I spent sitting in my seat silently pissed off and trying to talk myself out of my terrible mood. The film did nothing to assist me in this task. I ended up actually having to tell myself to try to see the film from a child's perspective, because frankly I don't see how anyone beyond the age of about ten could really take much from this film. Other cinema goers didn't seem to have the same issue — seemingly every person in the theatre was in hysterics at all the really badly written, juvenile script/ jokes. I despair.

Where to begin really? Rebel Wilson manages to be unfunny throughout, with every line seeming to be delivered with too much surrounding silence as if in anticipation of audience laughter. It felt like Pitch Perfect and all the jokes fell flat. The lead boy (Roman Griffin Davis) is strangely angered throughout, without any real impetus. I don't assign any blame to the twelve year old actor for this, rather the script and character writing was really badly done. Sam Rockwell, though one of the better performers, seems to be a tacked on character with no real point beyond serving as a vague father-figure to fatherless Jojo and as a precautionary "not all Nazis were bad people" add on. Scarlett Johansson I frankly felt sorry for throughout.

Jojo is a young member of the Hitler Youth. He is sufficiently indoctrinated but is small and cowardly. Some older Nazi boys tell him to kill a rabbit and when he can't do it, they call him rabbit as a joke. But Jojo confides in his imaginary friend, Hitler, who tells him it's okay because he would have his people be comprised of all 'animals' so to speak — the courage of a panther, the cunning of a fox, something something... you know, because Hitler was well into diversity. None of this matters though, because where the film is set up initially at the Hitler Youth training camp, and we feel as though we are in for a long slog of trying not to detect Wes Anderson's Fort Lebanon in this camp, the film bizarrely turns into another film when it randomly changes its mind and decides to set itself largely in the boy's home. It feels very much like the opening is from another movie and just stitched on the beginning.

Actually, despite the Wes-rip off, I would've preferred it to remain at Not-Camp-Ivanhoe, because what it turns into is Boy in the Striped Pyjamas meets Tracy Beaker. It has all the cheap tactlessness of a BBC film, including cheap looking costumes and predictable cinematography. There's a bit where Johansson tells Jojo (her son) that love feels like butterflies and soon after we get a camera pan down to Jojo's stomach where, yes, cgi butterflies reside. It felt like that bit where you go inside Tracy Beaker's head and see her 'famous' mum stepping out of a limo. It was embarrassing to watch.

Jojo falls in love with a Jewish girl, which feels like an unnecessary thread of the story, partly because it seems to be assuming the audience is also in the Hitler Youth and needs teaching that Jewish people do not in fact have horns and hang upside down like bats — actual line from the film— and partly because the girl is established as a stand-in for Jojo's dead sister. So that's weird.

Scarlett Johansson has to try to carry a scene off in which she impersonates Jojo's father who is said to be fighting in the war and has been absent for two years, therefore suspected as a deserter. Johansson awkwardly smears her face with ash from the fireplace and with this 'beard', begins to mimic Jojo's dad in such a way as to paint him as some kind of angry drunk, or rather just a stereotype of a 40s German father? We aren't sure. There's a lot of horrible awkward dancing in this scene and throughout, because Jojo's mum equates dancing to freedom and... well, that's about as profound as the film manages to get. The scene is really hard to watch and it just feels like the camera remains too long on an actress who isn't totally convinced of her role, and who could blame her really when the script is so embarrassingly flimsy?

The Hitler character, played by director Taika Waititi, has his moments. The performance is flamboyant and self-deprecating which does make for the occasional funny moment, in particular a part where he feigns confusion at public perception of himself as a 'psycho' as if he has no idea why this would be. The problem is that this should have been woven throughout and actually the film strays from this character too much in favour of following the Jewish girl who Jojo's mother has been hiding. This doesn't work because for some unknown reason, the girl is made to be frankly a smug brat. I'm not sure if this was in some kind of attempt to imbue the character with some form of liberation (she immediately grabs the Nazi boy and physically shoves him around a lot). It doesn't really come across as liberated though, if anything it makes it hard to empathise with the character as she behaves like a robot. She just comes across as an unbearable character who seems to have literally zero gratitude for the person who has been hiding and feeding her. That's not to say the Jewish character doesn't have EVERYTHING to be angry about, but human nature does dictate that one might be a little more emotionally nuanced and experience small moments of joy when everything else is bad. Instead, Elsa is perpetually angry to the point of essentially bullying the German child who is far younger and smaller than herself. This might make sense if she was even awarded some kind of emotional liberation at the end beyond her predictable escape when the war ends, but all she is permitted to do is another stupid dance on the doorstep (signifying Jojo's mother's idea of freedom, not even her own).

The film's redeeming quality is actually the performance by Archi Yates as Yorki, unfortunately perpetually referred to as 'the fat kid', as if that's a funny enough line to repeat throughout. His performance is naive (the actor is eleven years old), but it works because his timing is great and he delivers the lines as if he is familiar with the intended style of comedy; he actually delivers his lines with wit, where all the adult actors around him fail. He also seems to speak with a British accent where everyone else flits between a half baked German accent and their own real accent, which in between seems to fall into some kind of Welsh accent. Just do the German accent properly or don't bother with it! A scene in which Stephen Merchant arrives as Gestapo begins with a lot of 'Heil Hitlers' and ends with Merchant seeming to forget what he's doing and falling into his usual west country voice.

I don't have much else to write about this film because it's not enjoyable to bang on about the bad qualities of a movie and I do think there is something to be said for the director/writer's bravery in making a film about Hitler as a boy's imaginary friend.

I think the film would've been better off with less of a comedy vibe and by following in real earnest the experience of a member of the Hitler Youth; what his psyche would've been. Unfortunately the film is too babyish for any adult (Dukes at Komedia crowd notwithstanding), which means it is really only funny to kids, and I'm not sure what it does for a child without real prior knowledge of Hitler's Germany. The termination of the boy's friendship with Adolf manifests in his literally kicking Adolf out the window and telling him to 'fuck off', but actually this doesn't do much to negate the established charm/ charisma of the Hitler character. You don't ever really get that sense of revenge or satisfaction at Hitler's expense, if anything you feel a bit sorry for the neurotic clown incarnation of Adolf, who after all is a figment of the boy's imagination. I don't demand any kind of moral lesson from art, but it would seem that this film would be obligated to contain one, and yet it remains dubious as to what it even is... are we allowed to like this Hitler character? Are we even happy when he's gone? Wasn't he the only funny thing about the film?

The movie ends with the Rainer Maria Rilke quote “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. / Just keep going. No feeling is final.” Which left me with the final reflection that indeed I did have to let this film happen to me and was rewarded with the beauty of the final credits rolling and the liberating sensation of being able to leave the cinema to go get pizza.

Sadly this film immediately goes to the bottom of my Oscars nomination list (nominated for Best Picture. Ouch!). Interesting to note that Ra Vincent of LOTR/ The Hobbit fame (anyone else watch all those making ofs?) did the production design for this film. At least his name in the credits left me with some feeling of warmth towards it.

[howanimestuffworks]

Now it’s time for something a little bit out of the ordinary and a little bit different. We all know that at this point in time the world is out of sorts so it’s nice to have that little ray of sunshine every now and again. Luckily for me that ray of sunshine just gotten bigger with me being nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award!  

I made my first couple of graphics! I think they turned out good!

Like always we have to begin with the rules:

Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link to their blog so that other people can visit them.

Answer the 11 questions put to you by the nominator.

Nominate 11 bloggers of your choosing and provide them with a new set of 11 questions to answer.

Notify the nominees by commenting on one of their blog posts.

List the rules and display The Sunshine Blogger Award logo within your post or on your blog site.

The person that nominated me for the Sunshine Blogger Award was no other then Pinkie from Pinkie’s Paradise, who is one of the many active bloggers I know and has helped me come out of my shell and try and blog more then keep hiding away!

I always love reading Pinkie’s new posts and look forward to any new ones that pop up, I will recommend checking her blog out as her blog is just so CUTE! Especially with all the restyling she has done! (I so need to know how she managed to get a animated background working on her blog!) Anyway onto my answers and if you need any directions to Pinkie’s site just click here!

I am a tad late getting this done (along with everything else hahaha) but I really reaaaally needed to get my training for work completed otherwise my manager will literally murder me with a spatula!

I mean she would if she could, is it even possible to be murdered by a spatula? 

  Q: Have you ever cosplayed, if yes.. what’s your best cosplay? If no what would you cosplay if you could?

Sadly no, I never had enough money to spend on the materials I would need for my cosplay, nor have I had the confidence to pull of a cosplay, I am very self conscious about my body and hate the fact that I still have some “puppy fat” at 33 years old.  Even though I am pretty much self conscious about my body I would still push myself out of my comfort zone and cosplay some of my favourite characters.

There’s a little list of cosplays I would love to pull off from my favourite anime and games, Zelda from The Legend of Zelda series, Hitomi Kanzaki from the Vision of Escaflowne and Chibi Usa from Sailor Moon being three that I would love to go for!

  Aren’t these girls cool! 

Bonus Pic!

Kinda scary shoving Pinkie Pies head on Chibi Usa, give me the willies!  

 Q: What is the least geeky thing about you?

What is the least geeky thing about me…man this one is so so hard! Hahaha! I think the least geeky thing about is that I love love to go for long walks! I just go where my feet take me!

Q: If your life was ever turned into an anime, what type of anime would it be?

Hmm.. I think it would be a dramatic slice of life shoujo that would depict me failing adulthood severely and kinda boring…until my life goes from boring to eventful where I’m transported to another realm to go saving the world with my babble of followers that consist of my favourite characters who somehow got dumped in said realm along with me, and blamed me for that happening cause I had to go poking that portal till it exploded and sucked us all in!

It would all fall on Van and Chise to try and find us a way home without me screwing everything up in the process!!

This was fun to make I gotta admit that, plus I just couldn’t stop laughing!!!

Q:  If your life was ever turned into a video game, what type of game it would be?

It most probably be the same as the anime adaption just more in depth and set out like a JPRG!

Chise would be a perfect character to take the Healer position considering one of her abilities is creating medicine in Mahoutsukai no Yome (The Ancient Magus Bride).

Van would be taking the warrior class, mainly swordsman as he is quite adaptable when equipped with his own sword, though I can picture him cursing his head off about the amount of times I died throughout our adventure.

Hitomi would be our visionary, she can predict things before they happen through visions even though some do take a mental impact on her.

Duo is pretty good at stealth so I can picture him using that to his advantage with some pretty good stealth kills when we cannot attack outright.

Heero is more melee so would just attack outright but he is also good at physical combat and can use that to his advantage.

Luffy would be similar to Heero and would create a good tag team with him.

 Q: If you’d have to choose any other archetype but geek, what would you want to be?

I would be a story teller, one of my goals is to be an author and have my own set of YA Fantasy books out there in the world! It would be a big achievement for me in my life, I have a few brainstorms going on some of the characters but I’m keeping that a secret for now..Suuuush..

I would love to be a well known author and have alot of people adoring my stories and characters!!

 Q: What’s the worst thing you have ever done to a friend?

The worst thing I did to a friend is throw a book at them! I do treat my friends with alot of respect and never treat them all badly, but this friend of mine (who is now my boyfriend, strange things happened ya know) just would not be quiet so I could read, all he ever did was natter away to me and then the book went flying at him…I regret that so much…

 Q: What is your favourite alcoholic beverage and tell us about when you had too much of it.

Believe it or not I have not had one ounce of alcohol pass my lips ever, so I never had any drunk stories to tell. (Which is ironic considering I work in a pub!) It’s mainly tied to my past, I’ve seen what alcohol can do to a person and sadly I was a victim of that, my dad is a severe alcoholic and he used to abuse me, my siblings and my mother, so I never ever touched the stuff.

It’s still quite hard to talk about as it affected me my entire life in so many ways.

 Q: How would you take over the world, in a world of endless possibilities? Be evil!

Firstly I would destroy all the world leaders and then brain wash everyone across the globe to do my bidding and make my cat their supreme leader!! (come on who doesn’t want to be ruled over by an evil kitty!)

I would then force people to constantly pick up litter (mainly because I am so sick of people dumping litter everywhere) and to become my cats slaves and servants and imprison their families if they refused!!!

Okay I’ll admit I am so bad at being evil…

 Q: Which anime character you think could stop the you from question 8.

Can I pick two…I can picture Usagi Tsukino and Sakura Kinomoto tag teaming and defeating me and my kitty! Me and my lovely Videl would pass in each others arms and live a happy and evil afterlife where we destroy Satan and take his throne and become rulers of hell!!

I think they would make a great team!

 Q: Which anime characters would be the henchmen to the you from question 8.

I would brain wash the best of the best to become my henchmen! The Prince of all Sayain’s – Vegeta and of course Goku would be mine and Videl’s guards! Piccolo and Gohan would lead my mighty army!

But they may have a tough time with this lot…we shall see if Usagi and Sakura come up triumphant! 

 Q: If you could make one true wish, but it had to be at least  somewhat selfish, what would it be?

If I could make one wish for myself it would be to be a millionaire and live in a posh mansion that has a pool with all my cats! They would have their own rooms and have luxurious beds like I would! They would also have loads and loads of toys and their own pool side loungers!!!

I’ll be the new kid on the block!

What is the most geeky thing about you?

What is the next Anime that you are planning to watch?

If you could write out your life story, how would that story go?

What was the saddest Anime scene you have watched?

What was the best thing you have done for a friend?

What were your plans this year before the pandemic?

If you could pilot a mech or Gundam, which one would it be?

If you could marry an anime or video game character, who would it be?

Tell me about the last game you have played?

Is there a character out there that is most similar to you?

Last book you have read? 

Truthfully I don’t know that many people considering I’m the new kid on the block within the anime blogging community, I’m basing my nominations based on the few people that I have come to know within the anime blogging community recently.

I’m sorry if you were already picked!!! 

Mari from Starting Life At Zero Who’s brave posts really are inspiring to me and has helped me understand alot of things lately.

Roki Bloop from Secluded Observations who actually stumbled across my blog on twitter and introduced me to a few more bloggers, if it wasn’t for Roki I wouldn’t even be doing the Sunshine Blogger Award at all!

Nabe-Chan from Geek Nabe Another lovely person that I have been interacting with on twitter and has a lovely blog!

Pinkie from Pinkie’s Paradise I am so getting you back! hahaha! Pinkie is so awesome and has such a cute and funny blog!

Steph from Two Happy Cats another blogger that I’ve been following on wordpress since I created my old account.

Kiritonarukami from KiritoNarukami One of the newer bloggers that I stumbled across on here lately.

Mike from Gaming and God Another blogger I’ve stumbled across lately who’s blog consists of not only Anime and Manga reviews but also Gaming reviews!

Lesley from Lesley’s Anime and Manga Corner Another Anime and Manga blogger that I have discovered 🙂

Odyssey from LOFZ ODYSSEY ANIME REVIEWS Another cool blogger that I’ve discovered!

Jiraiyan from Otaku Orbit is one of the two bloggers that I’ve been following on wordpress since I created my old account. (I actually have two accounts but liked the name of this one more.)

Okay I stole this idea from Pinkie but I needed a reason to use this wallpaper!

PS: If you would love to be nominated then you can if you answer this question about me, who is the character I am using throughout my blog? 

    A Pony With Sunburn Is Not A Good Look: The Sunshine Blogger Award! #anime #otaku #blogger #animeblog #blogging Now it's time for something a little bit out of the ordinary and a little bit different.

[queerofcups]

By the amount of fic I read and how bad my memory is I'm still not surprised that I remember exactly what happens in your fic a superstar, a year on and I'm still so intrigued as to what would've happened next it was so good and such an interesting take on kid fic ugh your mind blows me away with your creativity and conception of plot

oh wow, a superstar! barring something truly unexpected that’s gonna be a forever WIP, so here anon, is what happens next along with a shit ton of backstory

Backstory / Outline

Dan’s been an au pair since he was 20. He’s only had a few families (because he’s so good and they love him) who all swear by him. Families who can afford nannies are, by nature of the job, usually wealthy. Families that can afford an au pair, particularly one of his rate and reputation, are usually quite wealthy. He hasn’t broken into the big Old Money leagues quite yet, but he finds the nouveau riche to be a little more flexible as far as Dan’s style and general deportment. 

Of course, working primarily with new money means he’s often working with celebrities. They’re British, so the celebrity culture isn’t nearly as rabid as it is in America. 

But he does have a respectable stack of clippings from gossip mags that have identified him as someone’s mysterious new lover or piece on the side. 

He doesn’t blink at Bryony’s assignment of one last job: Phil Lester. 

Lester’s been making a comeback in the last couple of years, rebuilding his cultural cache after a few years outside of the spotlight. Bryony swears it's a short job, nothing like the last years-long job he just wrapped up. 

Dan’s loathe to admit it, but part of the reason he’s hesitant to take on another job, other than wanting a career change, is that leaving families wears on him. 

He’s not that breed of caretaker who can separate himself from his families. Some of these kids he’s watched grow from little lumps of cute into real humans with opinions and preferences and it can be hard to let go. 

Which is why, when he meets Sophia, he knows he’s screwed because she’s a firecracker of a kid and he falls a little in love with her as soon as they meet. 

Note: Sophie’s real first name is Manon

Dan’s bi and ends up helping Phil work through some of his own stuff about being pretty much gay, but having been in love with Margaux

He’s got depression and a touch of anxiety and explains those to Sophia at some point. 

He knows he’s in when he realizes he’s been looking up tutorials for styling curly hair online. 

Phil

Former youtuber that won a contest to be on a couple episodes of some failing TV show & became a dark horse who ends up getting picked up for a few other shows and eventually (shortly) makes the jump to film. 

The industry falls all over themselves to talk about how -nice- he is, how -polite-

It's untreated anxiety that leaves him bordering on panic attacks at every red carpet debut but he never says that. 

It gets worse after he’s caught coming out of a gay bar, mouth still attached to some boy

It's not exactly homophobia that drives him out. People are kind and don’t say anything to his face. 

But suddenly they want to know things. 

How long has he known?

What's his type?

They want him to be a role model and he just wants to live

It's an easy decision. It's so easy to walk away he almost feels guilty. He loves acting, so much it surprised him when he first started, but he knows he can’t stop doing it. 

So he stops taking roles. He doesn’t sign any new contracts. He nods and smiles when people tell him he’s making a mistake and he pickets his last checks. 

He doesn't go far,  just moves to a smaller apartment in London, in a less ritzy area and waitings until people stop trying to follow him home. 

It's not a meltdown, no matter what The Sun (?) says. The fame just starts to feel like a cold hand around his throat and he gets out before it starts to squeeze. 

There are people who understand and they’re proud of him. That feels awkward too, but nothing like the gaze of the public. 

He can eventually go back to school, for video editing, and he has a few things with guys that are short term. 

Which is fine. He’s young enough that he’s allowed to be restless and a little freewheeling. 

Margaux is...was...is a shock to his system. 

She’s a second generation French-American who moved to London so she can be boring in peace. 

(She’s French & Creole specifically. Sophia’s legal name is Manon Sophia Ange Siméon Lester. Obviously she only goes by Sophia Lester for the most part. Her maternal relatives aren’t pleased with that)

Margaux’s family was small when they met and only got smaller over the years they knew each other until it feels like it's just them and Sophia. 

The thing is, Phil never called himself gay. The press did. 

But he would now. Because he knows that there won’t be other women after Margaux. He knows it's unhealthy, but it's better than deciding there will never be anyone else at all. 

They were friends. They’d never called themselves anything more than that--not before Sophia and not after. 

Sophia is nearly seven with Margaux goes on the trip. They’d lived together on and off, so it's nothing strange for her to be with Phil rather than one of her two remaining maternal grandmothers. 

Phil is Sophia’s father, legally, biologically, all the way. But he sometimes feels like the most out of place person in her life. He doesn't know how to express to Sophia how much he loved Margaux while still being a mostly-gay man. 

Phil’s weirdness about bisexuality (his own and the very idea) is a sticking point between him and Dan

Sophia knows and doesn’t particularly get why the delineation matters. All she knows is her Dad sometimes acts unsure of his own Dadness. 

Margaux dies because of a head injury. She’d gone on an extended vacation with friends and gone bike riding without a helmet and fell. The friends took her to a clinic and she’d gotten a bandage for the scrapes to her forehead, a scolding and a clean bill of health. She’d skyped with them that night and made jokes about ruining her moneymaker. In the morning, she was gone. 

People in Phil’s life, his relatives and former friends, characterize Margaux as a funny little deviation that would have just faded into a fun story if not for Sophia. Phil doesn’t argue, because he doesn’t want to upset things)

Dan realizing that Phil loved her is a moment of breaking through Phil’s shiny veneer of untouchable politeness)

When Phil decided to start acting again, he’s not expecting things to progress as quickly as they do. He knows that people were impressed with him when he was younger. He’s shocked to hear words like “critically acclaimed” get thrown around. He was just a kid escaping into the lives of people who had bigger problems than him. 

But he reaches out, because he misses it and he’s tired of being a not-widower, hanting everywhere he goes, and the roles come. 

And the gaze comes with them. There are small things. A c-plot role, a secondary character. A lead role from a smaller studio. And then a big break comes across his desk. It's a middling role, but everyone that gets top billing comes with an Academy Award attached. And there are explosions in the script. The kind that mean a summer blockbuster. He takes it, and suddenly, he’s on the edges of spotlight again. 

Phil knows what he looks like. Internet star turned film star who goes gay, disappears for a few years, then returns, unpartnered with a brown, French speaking, half-American (half black America) pre-teen in tow. He looks like a ton of clicks, maybe a record number of copies sold.

Soph is 11. 

He takes the role and calls Bryony directly, because there’s no way he can do this alone. 

Part One: Meeting

Dan’s finishing up his first month back home after leaving a family. He’s got scripts on his desk--good, meaty roles that have him thinking he might not take another family on, yet. 

Bryony calls, which is interesting. She’s the head of the agency & they’re friendly but not on phone call terms. 

She offers him the job. He initially refuses. She admits it's a personal favor kind of job, and temporary and she wants her best on it. 

Dan agrees to a chemistry meeting. 

They meet up, Sophia charms dan and he still says no. 

She comes with a short term nanny because her dad’s running late. 

Phil shows up & Dan’s jaw clenches because PHil’s the kind of rung-jumping acting success story that Dan’ resents. 

So he’s sarcastic and a little cross because he hates that and the choir boy facade Phil puts on

Maybe he makes a euthanasia joke? Or something about an uncaring universe that goes over Sophia’s head. 

Except Phil laughs and doesn't glanced nervously at Sophia the way parents do sometimes when dan gets a little dark. 

Phil finally sends Sophia off to buy a cupcake so he can be alone and upfront with Dan. 

He explains that it won’t be a long term job, just the 9 months he needs to be in America to shoot and then Dan is free. 

“This is just the first time we’ve done this,” Phil says, watching Sophia through the window. “And I want to give Soph the best. She deserves the best. Better than that.”

And Dan’s a goner. He’s still a businessman, so he asks for time to consider and sends his terms of employment to the agency’s lawyer. But he knows he’s going to do it. He makes a mental note to look up a list of tutors if they don’t already have one hired. 

Part 2: Getting to Know Each Other

Dan makes the assumption that Sophia is adopted & Phil awkwardly corrects him--this is the beginning of their conflict over the word bisexual. 

Phil’s never had an au pair, so he’s uncomfortable with how *there* Dan suddenly is. He doesn’t move into their London flat because there’s not room for him but they start preparing for the move & he’s got experience in ordering houses for that, more than Phil does. 

They don’t have any other staff. Sophia will get a tutor in America, but she’s finishing her year in school & Phil lives well within his means, small flat, they cook for themselves and the cleaning lady visits once a week. Dan’s the only one there all the time & despite all his years of experience, he feels invasive. But he also gets to see how close Phil and Sophia are, including watching them do “homework” together, Sophia doing equations & Phil running lines. 

They go to America. Phil’s one movie has turned into parts in three movies. In one he’s playing a semi-serious playboy villain who was once the husband of the (superhero) lead. In another, he’s a professor/mentor in a teen dramedy. In the last one, the blockbuster/oscar bait, he’s playing a man whose life is ruined by the rise of the regime the main cast is fighting. Dan thinks the last one is the only one that sounds interesting. But he’s impressed with Phil’s handling of learning all the scripts. They’re surprisingly disparate characters. The playboy is, at his core, a sleaze that covers himself in a fine patina of British politeness. The professor is clearly meant to be someone whose awkwardness translates into the kind of cool kids would find appealing & Phil manages to strike the balance gamely. And the last one is...it's Oscar bait and even though Phil’s part isn’t big enough to get him supporting actor billing Dan can see him prepare to give a career-changing, maybe even life changing performance. 

The first two he practices in front of them. Dan gets sick of the lines, finds himself muttering them along with Phil as he makes Sophie’s snacks. 

The other one, only Dan sees. 

He doesn’t at first. For a while Phil locks himself away in his room and Dan can only hear the muffled yelling of a one sided argument. 

But one night he’s sitting, looking out over the city, thinking about going to bed when Phil comes out and asks him, sheepishly, if he’ll listen and tell Phil if he sounds wooden. 

Dan agrees and they sit at the kitchen table. Phil takes a long, steady breath and suddenly there are tears. He holds his head just slightly higher, proudly, and there’s suddenly a stoney archness Dan’s never seen on him before. 

“And so that’s it,” Phil says, his voice cold, closed off and defeated. “Eleven years and you hand me over to your precious leader.”“Josiah,” Dan says, looking at the script. “You have to understand. I had no choice--”“Coward,” Phil says. It's a simple word but still feels like it pierces Dan’s core.“My darling,” Dan says. “Please.”Phil stands. Dan watches him. “Remember that.” He stalks around the table, his eyes still shining with tears. “When I am on my knees, begging for life, when they’ve made you my executioner.”He steps closer, standing a hair too close to Dan, and says, anguished, “Remember that I was once your darling. Your beloved. Your love.”Dan is rapt, waiting for the next line, but Phil clears his throat and takes a step back. “And then they kiss and Josiah leaves,” Phil says, suddenly back in his own body and self. “What d’you think?”“Wow,” Dan says, hoping his face isn’t betraying his surprise that Phil can actually, really act. “Um. It’s good. Your movements could be a little smoother. They were together, right? So Josiah should be used to getting in--what’s her name?”“His,” Phil says, settling back into his kitchen chair. “Theodore. Theo.”“Woah,” Dan says before he thinks better of it. “You’re playing gay?”Phil quirks an eyebrow, “It's not really...playing?”Dan waves a hand, “Obviously. But that’s a big choice, role-wise. You aren’t afraid they’ll just see you as the gay one?”Phil stares at him, brows furrowed until Dan mouths, “What?”“You do know...about me, right? How my career got started? And why I stopped? I’m already the gay one.”“But you have a choice. I’m not saying you should change your mind. The film industries closet shit is bullshit. But you have a choice.”“Dan. I know. And the choice is what I get to be private about.  An actor--a celebrity who isn’t trying to walk back their youthful indiscretion is way more interesting than a mostly gay man with a kid and a dead...Margaux.”Dan feels...so many things. “You can’t hide Sophie. She’s your kid.”“I’m not hiding her,” Phil says, and Dan knows immediately that this isn’t the first time Phil’s heard this exact argument. “I’m protecting her.”

Dan keeps agreeing to run lines with Phil. He never asks for the script, so he learns Josiah through Phil, the early scenes where he’s playful, teasingly sensual, his deteriorating life and mental state and the way he dies. 

They don't run those lines when Sophie is home. It's understandable. It's unsettling for Dan, an adult who understands the depths you can get to while acting, to watch Phil muss himself up and drop unceremoniously to his knees, hands clasped behind himself. It's a short scene & Dan knows the public will be outraged with the scene. But every time he reads his own lines, a choked, delicate line of “I have to.”Phil nails it with workman’s precision everytime, He looks slightly past Dan, huffs a soft broken laugh and says, so quiet and tender, so full of betrayal. “You’ll never forget this day, Theo.” Dan doesn’t know what happens in the rest of the movie, but he’d pay the price of admission to watch Phil say that sentence.He’s been convinced, won over, sold & transported.

The fic doesn't end after they hook up for the first time, follows them through figuring out that this can’t be a one time thing and they both want this to last. Phil encouraging Dan to take on acting and not just because they can’t be together publicly while Dan is Sophie’s au pair. 

Ending of the fic is Sophie and Dan hanging out at the Oscars (or BAFTAs?) waiting for Phil to come out of the bathroom. It's a few years later (enough years that Dan should probably be freaked out about how many of the actresses he and Soph agree are super hot) and Phil’s up for an Oscar for best supporting actor. 

*At some point they get drunk together (after some terrible award show?) and talk about their first and best times with men and Dan accidentally dirty talks to Phil because he’s drunk and reminiscing about some truly outstanding cock he’s had in his day.

[gerryconway]

Stan the Man

Since the news of Stan Lee's death I've wanted to write something meaningful about my own feelings for him, what he represented to me as a creator and as a human being, and what kind of impact his life had on my life. For many reasons (I was dislocated by the Woolsley Fire and haven't fully settled down since our return) I haven't had a chance to give such an in-depth appraisal much thought. Honestly, I doubt I could do a full appraisal of Stan's importance in my life even under the best of circumstances. His work and presence as an icon and as a human being helped form who I am today. To write a full appreciation of Stan I'd have to write my autobiography.

Among my most vivid childhood memories is my discovery of the Fantastic Four with issue 4, the first appearance of the Sub-Mariner. I was nine years old, and I'd been a comic book reader for years at that point. I knew about Superman, I knew about Batman, I'd read the early issues of Justice League. I was a compulsive reader, voracious (still am)-- devoting hours a day to books and stories and comics and even my parents' newspapers. (Both my parents were avid readers. My dad read science fiction, my mom loved mysteries.) I vividly recall the astonished joy I felt when my mom took me to our local library and got me my first library card. I was six, I think, and the reality of a roomful of books just for kids seemed like a gift from heaven. I won all the reading awards at school-- any competition for reading the most books in a year was over as far as I was concerned the first week. By nine, I'd already graduated from "age appropriate" books for pre-teens to Heinlein's juveniles, Asimov's robot stories, and the collected Sherlock Holmes stories of Arthur Conan Doyle. I was a total reading nerd.

And then came Fantastic Four.

I've never been hit by lightning but I have to imagine the shock might be similar to what I experienced reading that early adventure of Reed Richards, Sue Storm, her kid brother Johnny, and Ben Grimm. If you weren't a comic book reader at that time you cannot imagine the impact those stories had. There's nothing comparable in the modern reader's experience of comics-- nothing remotely as transformative. (To be fair, I suppose both "The Dark Knight Returns" and "Watchmen" come close, but both remarkable works built on prior tradition and were perhaps a fulfillment of potential and creative expectations. The Fantastic Four was _sui generis_.) Over a series of perhaps five issues, a single year, Stan and Jack Kirby transformed superhero comics in an act of creative alchemy similar to transmuting lead into gold, and just as unlikely.

They also changed my life. Because Stan credited himself as writer and Jack as artist, he opened my nine year old eyes to a possibility I'd never really considered before: I could be something called a comic book "writer" or "artist."

Think about that, for a moment. Before Stan regularly began giving credits to writers and artists, comics (with a few exceptions) were produced anonymously. Who wrote and drew Superman? Who wrote and drew Donald Duck? Who wrote and drew Archie? Who knew? (Serious older fans knew, of course, but as far as the average reader or disinterested bystander knew, most comics popped into existence spontaneously, like flowers, or in some eyes, weeds.)

Stan did more than create a fictional universe, more than create an approach to superhero storytelling and mythology-- he created the concept of comic book story creation itself. Through his promotion of the Marvel Bullpen, with his identification of the creative personalities who wrote and drew Marvel's books, he sparked the idea that writing and drawing comics was something ordinary people did every day. (Yes, yes, to a degree Bill Gaines had done something similar with EC Comic's in-house fan pages, but let's be honest, EC never had the overwhelming impact on a mass audience that Marvel had later.) He made the creation of comic book stories something anyone could aspire to do _as a potential career_.

That's huge. It gave rise to a generation of creative talent whose ambition was to create comics. Prior to the 1960s, writing and drawing comic books wasn't something any writer or artist generally aspired to (obviously there were exceptions). Almost every professional comic book artist was an aspiring newspaper syndicated strip artist or an aspiring magazine illustrator. (Again, there were exceptions.) Almost every professional comic book writer was also a writer for pulp magazines or paperback thrillers. (Edmond Hamilton, Otto Binder, Gardner Fox, so many others-- all wrote for the pulps and paperbacks.) Comic book careers weren't something you aimed to achieve; they were where you ended up when you failed to reach your goal.

Even Stan, prior to the Fantastic Four, felt this way. It's an essential part of his legend: he wanted to quit comics because he felt it was stifling his creative potential, but his wife, Joan, suggested an alternative. Write the way you want to write. Write what you want to write. Write your own truth.

He did, and the rest, as the saying goes, is history.

When I picked up that issue of Fantastic Four, I was a nine year old boy with typical nine year old boy fantasies about what my life would be. Some were literal fantasies: I'd suggested to my dad a year or so earlier that we could turn the family car into the Batmobile and he could be Batman and I could be Robin and we could fight crime. After he passed on that idea I decided we could be like the Hardy family-- he could be a detective and I could be his amateur detective son, either Frank or Joe. Later I became more realistic and figured I could become an actor who played Frank or Joe Hardy in a Hardy Boy movie. In fact, by nine, my most realistic career fantasies involved either becoming an actor or an astronaut, and of the two, astronaut seemed like the more practical choice.

Stan and Marvel Comics gradually showed me a different path, a different possible career. By making comic books cool, by making them creatively enticing, and by making the people who created comics _real_ to readers-- Stan created the idea of a career creating comics.

Stan alone did this. We can argue over other aspects of his legacy-- debate whether he or his several collaborators were more important in the creation of this character or that piece of mythology-- but we can't argue about this. Without Stan's promotion of his fellow creatives at Marvel there would have been no lionizing of individual writers and artists in the 1960s. Without that promotion there would have been no visible role models for younger, future creators to emulate. Yes, some of us would still have wanted to create comics-- but I'd argue that the massive explosion of talent in the 1970s and later decades had its origin in Stan's innovative promotion of individual talents during the 1960s.

Nobody aspires to play in a rock band if they've never heard of a rock band. The Marvel Bullpen of the 1960s was comicdom's first rock band.

That was because of Stan.

For me, Stan's presence in the world gave direction and purpose to my creative life, and my creative life has given meaning and purpose to my personal life. I am the man I am today, and I've lived the life I've lived, because of him. From the age of nine on, I've followed the path I'm on because of Stan Lee. (So much of my personal life is entangled in choices I've made as a result of my career it's impossible for me to separate personal from professional.)

My personal relationship with Stan, which began when I was seventeen years old, is more complex and less enlightening. It's a truism your heroes always disappoint you, and I was often disappointed by Stan. Yet I never stopped admiring him for his best qualities, his innate goodness, his creative ambition and unparalleled instincts. People often asked me, "What's Stan really like?" For a long time I had a cynical answer, but in recent years I realized I was wrong. The Stan you saw in the media was, in fact, the real Stan: a sweet, earnest, basically decent man who wanted to do the right thing, who was as astounded by his success as anyone, and who was just modest enough to mock himself to let us know he was in on the joke. I imagine Stan was grateful for the luck of being the right man at the right place at the right time-- but it's true he _was_ the right man. No one else could have done what he did. The qualities of ego and self-interest that I sometimes decried in him were the same qualities needed for him to fulfill the role he played. In typical comic book story telling, his weaknesses were his strengths. And his strengths made him a legend and a leader for all who came after him-- particularly me.

This has been a rambling appreciation, I know. Scattered and disjointed. Like I said, trying to describe the impact Stan had on my life would require an autobiography.

When I started thinking about Stan in light of his death I realized, for the first time (and isn't this psychologically interesting?) that Stan was born just a year after my father. When I met him, as a teenager struggling with my own father as almost all teenage boys do, Stan probably affected me as a surrogate father figure. Unlike my own father, Stan was a symbol of the possibilities of a creative life. He was a role model for creative success, like other older men in my life at the time. But unlike them, he'd been a part of my life since I was nine years old. A surrogate father in fantasy before he partly became one in reality.

Now he's gone. Part of me goes with him, but the greater part of me, the life I've led and built under his influence, remains.

Like so much of the pop culture world we live in, I'm partly Stan's creation.

'Nuff said.

[fae-fucker]

Review: The Murder Complex

by Lindsay Cummings

An action-packed, blood-soaked, futuristic debut thriller set in a world where the murder rate is higher than the birthrate. For fans of Moira Young’s Dust Lands series, La Femme Nikita, and the movie Hanna.

Meadow Woodson, a fifteen-year-old girl who has been trained by her father to fight, to kill, and to survive in any situation, lives with her family on a houseboat in Florida. The state is controlled by The Murder Complex, an organization that tracks the population with precision.

The plot starts to thicken when Meadow meets Zephyr James, who is—although he doesn’t know it—one of the MC’s programmed assassins. Is their meeting a coincidence? Destiny? Or part of a terrifying strategy? And will Zephyr keep Meadow from discovering the haunting truth about her family?

Action-packed, blood-soaked, and chilling, this is a dark and compelling debut novel by Lindsay Cummings.

There’s a video on YouTube where Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings try to promote Zenith and their favorite books by speculating about what sort of books Andi would enjoy reading.

Lindsay, being the humble creature that she is, says that Andi would enjoy this book. Why? Because Andi would recognize Meadow’s methods as similar to her own? Because Andi would enjoy reading an edgy “thriller” because she too is edgy? Or even because both Andi and Meadow are beautiful waifish white girls with silver hair who don’t particularly mind killing people?

Actually, no, you absolute fool. Sasha speculates on why Andi would enjoy this book (because of the title and how both Meadow and Andi have … uh … something … in common) and tries and fails to give Lindsay a way out. Lindsay admits to not listening, occupied with her book, which she lovingly strokes while staring into the camera.

I think this says a lot about Lindsay herself, Andi’s personality (or rather, lack thereof), and most importantly, the content of this here book.

This review contains spoilers and discussions of potentially triggering topics.

The Writing

I don’t have much to say here. Zenith was far, far worse when you just compare the prose. It’s simple, bare-bones, and straight to the point. Perfectly mediocre and not memorable at all. It flows well enough, and if it weren’t for uuuh everything else in this book, I’d say it’s a quick and easy read.

It does get very melodramatic and edgy at times, but that is to be expected, and since the melodrama mostly avoids getting too purple or lasting too long, I will officially give Cummings the “I could read your book mostly without cringing at the words” award.

The story is told from Meadow and Zephyr’s POVs, and I’d have to disagree with other reviewers who said that their narration was too similar. I mean, it wasn’t spectacular and they definitely had some overlap in expressions, but I could tell that Cummings was making a conscious effort to make them distinct and for me, it worked (mostly past the first half of the book where both of them just mope around and sound very similar), so I commend that.

The Characters

Now, while Andi OH SHIT FUCK I DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT THAT WASN’T A BIT I LITERALLY JUST TYPED ANDI INSTEAD OF MEADOW

Now, while Meadow and Zephyr are distinct, that doesn’t really mean they’re good characters, yea? Honestly, they’re pretty much the only ones who get any type of development and the only ones who can, paradoxically, turn off their edge and just be normal people every now and then.

Meadow is supposedly this Strong Femail Charactor who does Bad Things for Good Reasons. And … I mean, yeah? Like, I don’t remember ever feeling like she obsessed over a man, and her motivations were always either keeping her little sister safe or surviving or figuring out the mystery around their society and how it ties into her own family. As far as YA heroines go, Meadow isn’t terrible. But she’s not exactly interesting, either. She’s always collected and rarely loses her cool, she displays few emotions outside of anger, and is generally cold and downplayed to the point of having barely any personality traits. I guess it’s sort of on purpose? But there are ways of making a character subtle and still interesting, and Meadow just feels like somebody packaged a Strong Femail Charactor right out of the factory without slapping some paint on her first. Idk, I guess if this is what Lindsay was going for then she did a good job, but personally I prefer my protags to be a bit more … more.

I will apologize to Meadow for calling her Andi, though. Andi is a lot more smug and obnoxious and has fewer reasons to be.

Zephyr is a harder to define because I’m pretty sure he’s intended to be more colorful than Meadow, but he comes off as even more generic than her. He’s a convincing enough teenage boy at times, because he lusts after Meadow like a puppy and thinks in super dramatic and poetic prose about how perfect and beautiful she is. But outside of that, he just sort of exists and the plot happens to him? He has no consistent personality traits and no flaws that he has control over. He’s partially brainwashed to murder on command and he’s like, sad about it, for a second, but accepts it pretty quickly and swears to help Meadow out for … reasons? Idk I guess he’s in love with her or whatever. The blurb implies he wants to keep her from discovering the truth but he pretty much helps her from the start.

He’s perfectly non-threatening — a boy next door type if next door was a war zone. Most of the time I wonder how many hands he needs to count all his braincells. One? Or mayhaps two? Whatever happens he just sort of rolls with after a chapter or two of angst and he ends up feeling like he’s a crutch for Meadow, a non-character there to fill the role of the snarky sidekick whose personal conflict is a minor subplot, which is admittedly fairly unusual in YA, but for a co-protagonist isn’t ideal, as one might imagine.

Koi is Meadow’s overprotective older brother who wants to beat up Zephyr for reasons and refuses to chill. And yes, that’s his name.

Periwinkle/Peri is Meadow’s younger sister and Meadow’s Moality Pet. And yes, that’s her name.

Meadow’s dad is an abusive asshole dad who is Too Hard On His Children but whose lessons Turn Out To Be Helpful in the end. No, it’s not his name but I can’t remember what it is and can’t be assed to look it up because he’s just Meadow’s dad. Oh and he likes torture? While Meadow acknowledges her dad is fucked up he’s still treated as this wise authority figure who gives good advice and is only a result of his environment. Society is evil, so that’s why he treats his children like shit and teaches them how to murder good. It’s to protect them, see?

Talan is Zephyr’s best friend and teenage sex worker who lost her child and now is vaguely suicidal but it’s supposed to be charming and quirky??? Talan is the only major character to die brutally for shock value and she seems to welcome it. Tbh she was the only interesting character in the whole book so I actually felt bad when she was killed off like that.

And then there’s a bunch of other characters but what’s the point of me telling you about them since they’re all generic as hell and only exist to spout exposition at Meadow and her boy toy.

There was another character I liked well enough, but only because she was the only PoC and her name was Sketch, which is a pretty neat name, but she didn’t have much of a personality except “snarky hardass” and was basically a Deluxe Edition of an existing “snarky hardass” character. She appears only in the late chapters of the book and is there to get brutalized for the sake of our two white protags. She didn’t die though, so there’s that?

The Plot

Alright, alright, I guess I have to write something.

I honestly have no fucking idea what the plot was. The blurb pretty much tells it all: Meadow meets Zephyr, they fall in love (?), Zephyr goes all Terminator on her ass and she’s like ??? and then uh … turns out Meadow’s family/dead mom are involved in the Murder Complex, which is the thing that’s making Zephyr and other random people kill others when remotely “activated” and so now they gotta find out what the heckity heck is going on, I guess?

It’s a clear enough plot but the motivations are a little weak, especially on Zephyr’s side. One would think he’d like to get rid of the whole “murder on command” thing in his brain but he seems to be able to fight it off easily once he meets Meadow and he’s more focused on helping her for reasons.

Yeah, I’m … I’ve already forgotten large chunks of the story so that should tell you something.

The “Worldbuilding”

O SHIT HERE COMES THE JUICY PART OF THE REVIEW.

*clears throat* Here we go:

The Shallows, Night Siren, the Initiative, Catalogue Number, Commandments of the Shallows, Creds, the Perimeter, the Silent Hour, Before, Rations Department, Pirates, the Dark Time, the Pulse, the Pin, the Red train, the Blue train, Wards, the Leeches, the Graveyard, the Survivors, Rations Hall, Initiative Headquarters, Wards of the State, the Gravers, NoteScreen, Evaluator, the Catalogue Dome, the Pit, Cred Orb, the Furnace Room, the Library, Sellout, the Hospital, the Believers …

Holy shit I don’t think I’ve gotten all of the Important Names yet and I’m already tired.

Y’all. This is the worst case of worldbuilding laziness I’ve seen in a while, and I’m someone who absolutely hates worldbuilding and will let authors get away with minimal effort. This? This is awful. And the thing is? I get it. I might’ve forgiven this because coming up with names is HARD and we humans usually go for the obvious anyway so this makes some amount of sense.

The problem is the fact that there are some words and concepts that are PERFECTLY REGULAR (i.e. the Hospital is literally just a fucking hospital) but still capitalized for no goddamn reason other than it being an attempt at sounding all sci-fi and dystopian without any actual effort. Everything blends together and the concepts are so generic and so MANY that it just becomes noise and you’re forced to simply roll with it and stop trying to actually imagine what anything looks like or where it’s located or how it works.

*takes deeep breath*

Speaking of how it works, let me tell you about the main premise. Basically, there was a war, a big war that tore the US apart like Lisa tears apart Johnny. Those who survived the war were infected with a plague, creatively named the Plague, that threatened to wipe out the population. One 20-year-old scientist cured the Plague, along with literally everything else, including death. Thanks to “nanites”, humans can no longer die of natural causes. This leads to overpopulation, and to stop this, the person who invented this all-cure comes up with another absolutely brilliant idea: let’s make MORE humans, but these humans have brains that are programmed to kill on command. Who gets murdered is chosen at random each and every night in a lottery, and survivors have to clean up dozens of new corpses every morning. (Meadow mentions the death rate is now 300 people per month.)

Yeah. I know. The same brilliant scientist who CURED DEATH not only fails to reverse the effects of their own invention, but decides that factory printing brainwashed humans who are then released into the world to also consume resources along with their victims is the best course of action?

Also, there are old people in this book. How are they still aging? How do you cure death but keep the aging? Why do you kill random people for shits and giggles instead of offing the semi-sentient sacks of flesh that the old people are bound to become as their bodies grow and decline but refuse to die? Surely you need young people to work in your factories? If resources are scarce, why keep old people alive past the point where they can contribute to society? If you have the technology to make remote controlled brains, why can’t you yank those bad boys out and just put them into robot bodies?

Why did nobody consider sterilization? I know this is a dangerous and sensitive topic that a white author probably shouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, but if you’re ok with writing indiscriminate murder and pretend that shit wouldn’t become very racist very fast, then you could do the same with sterilization. You can’t tell me that the nanites are so good they could grow you a new uterus. Evidently they’re not good enough to heal bullet wounds or stab wounds or else your little “murder complex” wouldn’t fucking work, would it?

I’m not saying these are “better” options than murder lottery, because these are all terrible things, but I am saying that they’re definitely more logical and profitable if you’re an evil government. Compared to making new people from scratch to kill your already existing people, anyway.

There are also implications of this all being a lie to control the population so that the “Initiative” can remain in control, along with the usual shitty YA dystopia thing where it’s implied that Earth is fucked and we’re out of resources.

This whole thing is a mess of half-assed concepts that are never explored but just sort of jammed together into an incoherent mess. There’s a big war, there’s a big plague, there’s senseless murder, there’s an evil government, there’s child soldiers, there’s brainwashing, there’s a rebel Resistance, there’s climate change … There’s even an Aptitude Test or whatever that never comes back despite being very angsted and exposited about in the opening chapters. It’s like Lindsay read all the YA dystopias that came before and couldn’t pick a gimmick and just went for all of them.

Oh I haven’t even mentioned the funniest part of all this: the swearing. As with Zenith, Lindsay has no problem describing gory murder and calling female characters “sluts”, but actual human curse words like shit and fuck? Don’t be silly. This is CHILD AND PUBLISHER FRIENDLY. Shit is now “skitz”, “fuck” is now “flux”. Can you imagine reading this fluxing bullskitz? WE NEVER EVEN FIND OUT WHAT THESE WORDS MEAN OR WHY THEY WERE REPLACED, SINCE THIS TAKES PLACE RECENT ENOUGH THAT MEADOW REMEMBERS GOING TO BASEBALL GAMES.

Oh and there’s also ChumHead, which, you guessed it, is never explained.

I guess now we know who to blame for “fike” and “starshined”. Oh and there are swears related to the stars in this book as well. I think Lindsay needs to get off that SJM juice.

The Edgy

Allow me to feed quotes into your gaping brain mouths. Not a lot of them because most of my notes are just me going WHAT at the concepts and the names more than the phrasing.

Every night, I stay awake for as long as I can to keep my nightmares at bay.

Scars are trophies in the Shallows. They show we know how to cheat death.

In a paragraph before this one, Meadow mentions that nanites heal everything but leave scars behind for reasons, and it happens to everyone. So why would they be a status symbol?

It’s the moon. The moon that reminds me of the moonlit girl.

My moonlit girl. She’s the cure to my nightmares, the one thing that helps me feel safe when I can’t even trust my own dreams to harbor me.

Spoken like a real teenage boy, Zeph. Would you like some tissues with that spunk?

I hold the door open for [Talan], but she shrugs past me and opens the other one. Always independent. Never taking help from anyone.

Hi is this a Feminism?

I find two leather thigh sheathes and strap them to my legs. I slide two knives into them and stand, slinging the bow over my shoulder. […] Feeling angry. But feeling strong.

Convenient sexy makeover includes leather knife pockets and a cool but completely-impractical-due-to-the-existence-of-enemy-guns crossbow. I also want to mention that the book calls crossbow ammo “arrows”, when they’re usually referred to as bolts, but go off.

The Conclusion

The Murder Complex is a book that straddles the line between mediocre and bad. Its biggest flaw is how boring and shallow its ideas and characters are. Which basically means its biggest flaw is everything about it. I can’t say it was so bad it’s good, but I can’t exactly call it terrible because I’ve read far, far worse. It’s mediocre writing about bland characters angsting and murdering their way through a convoluted plot that’s based on worldbuilding as solid as half-eaten ham standwich found in a rainy alleyway. It’s not fun or entertaining to read and there’s nothing to get outrageously mad about.

In the end, I don’t think you should pick this up unless you’ve somehow read every other book in the world and this is the only one left. Don’t waste your time on this, not even as a joke. Don’t make my sacrifice be in vain.

[arreisstorm]

HAPPY SUGA DAY!

Disclaimer:

****I meant to get this post up on Yoongi's actual birthday but due to Tumblr completely deleting my first draft and having to deal with some crap at work, I haven't really been in my right mind to do so, so unfortunately I wasn't able to get it done in time. Even if it's a little late I hope you guys still enjoy this post!****

So I've been thinking all day what I can say about Min Yoongi that I haven't said already and sadly I'm drawing a blank.

 I think everyone knows by now how, underneath that hard and standoff-ish exterior, Yoongi is truly one of the sweetest, most caring members in BTS.

 He may be the designated "grandpa" but he can give Jin a run for his money as the "mom" of the group with the way he dotes on every single member in his own way. So instead of me doing a long winded post that loses it train of thought a million times I think I'll expand on how much Yoongi truly loves his brothers:

▪JIN

So when it comes to the relationship these two share, "opposites attract" is the best way I could describe it. While one is outgoing and loud, the other is more reserved and quiet. This duo loves to annoy each other and you can see that every time Jin cracks a face-palm inducing dad joke, and vice versa whenever Yoongi makes fun of Jin for his "old" age. I mean it's obvious to ARMY by now how extra Jin can be at times, but even through all the cringe-worthy moments and  second-hand embarrassment, at the end of the day, Yoongi still has great appreciation and respect for him.

▪JIMIN

Like Jin and Yoongi, Jimin and Yoongi are also quite opposites when it comes to their outlook on life. Where Jimin sees positivity, Yoongi is more about realism. It's not that he doesn't want to see the world as a happy place, but he also doesn't want to be blind to the truth either. That's why these two work so well together, one is the lifts the other up while the other protects them from harm.

▪TAEHYUNG

It's no secret that Tae marches to the beat of his own drum, but it is because of this fact that Yoongi finds him so endearing. During an episode of BV the two were partnered up to spend time together and even when everyone else said they would never agree on anything, Yoongi had the perfect solution. He cares a lot for Tae and he knows how hard the past few years have been for him after losing precious loved ones, so he's kind of been the one looking out for him behind the scenes.

▪JUNGKOOK

When it comes to emotional vulnerability, I would say Kookie and Yoongi are two peas in a pod. Neither one chooses to wear their hearts on their sleeves, but on the rare occassions when they do, you can guarantee you will find yourself crying along with them. There's a lot of pressure and uncertainty that goes alongside being the maknae of the group, and even more so when you're the golden maknae, and that's why I think Yoongi has taken it upon himself to help shoulder those burdens by taking care of him. Whether it's sticking up for him, encouraging him, or simply offering to buy him a proper meal, Yoongi has always been a great hyung to Kookie. And who could forget the iconic moment of "Friendship is Irish Bomb"? Haha

▪HOSEOK

Ok, so there's a lot with this relationship. We have day meets night, dark meets light, and cynicism meets positivity. These two contrast so much but still connect on the same level in countless other ways. Both are 2/3 that form one of the best raplines I've ever seen. Both are very passionate about what they do (J-Hope: dance, Yoongi: music) and they have worked their butts off to reached the point they're at now. Because Yoongi is such a realist, he is constantly overwhelmed with the state of the world, and he desperately needs to see the happier side that he might be missing...that's where Hobi comes in. There's a reason he was given the nickname he was given, he provides everyone around him with hope and happiness when they need it most, and that especially applies to Yoongi.

 When you constantly find yourself in the limelight it can be hard not to lose yourself within it. You might even forget your sense of self and instead be reduced to nothing more than a preconception told from a cameras perspective; that's when friends are the best cure, and Hobi just so happens to be that friend. These two are important for one another because whenever they're together it seems to be nothing but laughs and genuine smiles. They are carefree and able to be themselves around each other. To have that sense of freedom is probably a rare occasion for BTS in general, but even more so for the one who's know to be the "cold-hearted" and I'm happy he can find it with Hobi.

▪NAMJOON

Finally we have these two: Namjoon and Yoongi.

I've decided to save this one for last because to me they have a bond that completely differs from all others previously mentioned. These two have known each other the longest, have lived together the longest, and have seen each other at their worst points. Before debuting these two would fight constantly, both due to genuine disagreements, and also because of the countless hardships and pressure they had thrown at them. They have grown with each other and have been there to strengthen each other every step of the way.

Yoongi might not be one to express his feelings so openly, but every time I see the clip of him crying with Joon after receiving their first MAMA award It's obvious how much he does care and how much this all means to him.

To be honest, Yoongi never fails to show his love and support whenever his brothers are feeling down, and that especially goes for Joon. With him being the leader of BTS there is so much added pressure and expectations to live up to that it can be overwhelming, and on top of all of it, being the designated translator, writing and producing most of BTS' songs, and also trying to learn the choreography to go along with said song can seem next to impossible; Yoongi sees these struggles and he does all he can to help lessen the weight.

These two honestly do share one of the most profound bonds and I believe nothing could severe it completely. They might still have their fights, I mean they're human, it's bound to happen, but the respect and admiration they have for one another wins out every time.

As much as they love each other, these two also love to screw with each other too. Yoongi constantly makes fun of Joon for his clumsiness and Joon makes fun of Yoongi for his laziness, but in the end these two wouldn't be who they are without the other.

Yoongi once said in an interview that Joon is one of his favorite people he's ever met and if he had to pick a person to spend his last day with he would pick him. Then Joon in a different interview mentioned how Yoongi is basically his mirror and he takes care of the thing that Joon is unable to. These two compliment each other so well, and musically speaking, their backgrounds come from very similar places that they just know how the other runs. If Hobi allows Yoongi to act himself and to let loose physically, then Joon is his emotional release. They know how to have those deep heart-to-heart conversation without worrying what the other might think. Yoongi is able to use his words and is able to open up to Joon about any doubts, fear, or anxiety he might be struggling with, as well as using them to provide Joon with the assurance he needs that he is doing a good job as the leader; and in return, Joon gives Yoongi that sense of comfort and stability whenever he needs it.

Min Yoongi and Kim Namjoon.

Yoonie and Joonie.

Suga and RM.

AGUST D and Rap Monster.

Lil Meow Meow and Killer Dimples.

These boys are one in the same: two overall geniuses who started as underground rappers possessing skills of insane flow and destructive lyrics, then forced to become idols, who eventually helped redefined what idols are, and now are global superstars that have created the golden rapline (with Hobi), are living their wildest dreams yet still remain humble, as well as unapologetic about incorporation crucial social topics into their songs.

There's a reason these two get along so well and that's because of years of being around each other, having the same deep, philosophical thought process, and knowing that hard work, sleepless nights, and finding growth within personal struggles are what it takes to reach your ultimate goal.

The point is, if you're still with me that is haha, is that Suga tends to have this reputation that he is cold-hearted and aloof when it comes to the rest of the members, but honestly who wouldn't be exhausted and not wanting to participate in different events after having not slept for days on end and pouring their blood, sweat, tears (not intentional btw) into their creations?! Suga is one of the hardest working, passionate, individuals out there and if he didn't sacrifice so much for us, far beyond what this post can tell you, then BTS would not exist the way we know it now. It because he is willing to put his own health and well-being on hold --despite ARMY and the boys wishes-- and take on this almost altruistic behavior that I have so much respect and admiration for Yoongi. And anyone who says that this man is cold or that he hates his members...Have you not seen this man's precious, gummy smile when he's having the time of his life with his favorite people? There's a reason he chose to call himself "Suga" and that's because underneath that hard outer shell, deep down Min Yoongi is nothing but pure sweetness who isn't afraid to dream big and wants to see those he loves succeed to their fullest potential.

He is our resident grandpa, a musical genuis, and can spit fire while roasting people with the highest level of savageness you can achieve. He is the 2nd oldest, the hyung who tends to show his love when the cameras aren't rolling, and he is the backbone of BTS who slaves away in the recording studio to produce these insane tracks we all love so much. He is the only one that I've noticed who mirrors and compliments Namjoon's own thoughts and feelings and he is a huge reason why BTS has been so successful like they are.

We love you

Min Yoongi

Suga

AGUST D

Lil Meow Meow

Grandpa Yoongs

I hope you had a great birthday and thank you for everything you have done for BTS in the past, everything you're doing in the present, and everything you will do in the future. You are one of my biggest inspirations and I wish you all the best!

화이팅! 💜

[keyshunadasha-blog]

Survive & Repeat

Life has had the pleasure of knocking me down and picking me up repeatedly. It’s how our relationship has worked for as long as I can remember. Typically, something bad happens, then something bad happens again. Then when you reach the point where you feel as if it can get any worse than this, it usually does. Throughout the years I have learned to change my perspective regarding how I perceived negative news and bad experiences. I like to proudly say I’ve transformed into an optimist. I’m more of a, “you can’t get the rainbow without the rain”, kind of girl.  My prior philosophy came from my all-time favorite movie, “The Lion King”, “Sometimes bad things happen and there’s nothing you can do about it, so why worry”? Believing in this philosophy was apart of my journey, because before that I had a victim mentality. Why me? Why my family? How could God let this happen? I remember saying once as a young girl that I would make a deal with the devil just to get my family out of a particular situation. & Yet, I survived.

My childhood was the stereotype of growing up in the African American community. Drugs and Domestic Violence.

Let me take you on a quick journey into my life.

I was introduced to crack rocks at the age of 7. I watched my mom get her ass beat as early as my head start years. I caught my step-dad having sex with a close family member of my mom and I told. Would you believe that my own family turned against me? They tried to make me feel bad as if I was the one in the wrong. My siblings and I suffered constant physical, mental, and emotional abuse. If I had a dollar for how many times, I was told that I didn’t have any common sense, I’d be rich. I remember walking around the house afraid. Afraid to say or do the wrong thing. Most times I would just try to stay in the room until my mom came home from work. My mom endured multiple women and outside children. I watched her hurt so much for so long until she finally got the courage to move away. We moved across the country but hey, if that’s what it took so be it. It turned out to be the most traumatic time of our lives, but I survived.

There my mom succumbed to her inner demons and became a crack addict. She lost her way as an individual and as a mother. So, with me being the oldest of course I had to step up. One thing that I appreciated from my stepdad is that he made me promise to always look after and take care of my sister and brothers. That stayed with me, so I did what I had to do. I cooked and cleaned, hid crack pipes from my siblings, helped with homework, made sure we had clean clothes. As my mother’s addiction grew stronger, she became less and less of a mother. Food was sparse, and utilities were getting cut off left and right. I started stealing food from school. One of our neighbors must’ve have noticed the changes in our household and he allowed me to work with him restoring run-down housed around the city. I used that money to get our utilities on, buy food, and school supplies. Eventually it all just became to much.

I remember waiting up all night for food to be brought to us. I remember feeling uncomfortable because of the strange people that kept coming by. One day I was raped by one of those strange people. My siblings came home right afterwards, and I had to act as if nothing happened. Eventually we were taken away from her. I’ve never felt pain like that before. Being raped, giving birth, being beat; nothing can compare to seeing my brothers and sister walk out of that school in tears. At the end of the day that was our mother and we loved her wholeheartedly. We went from group homes to foster homes back to group homes. Eventually we were reunited with our family in Mississippi.

WE SURVIVED.

I turned down the opportunity to speak with someone professionally because of the stigma behind it. So, I started my journey to self-heal. Which meant I cried myself to sleep every night for months. I shut down because I didn’t know how to handle the multiple mood swings, I had throughout the day. I couldn’t handle conversations about my mom. I couldn’t handle the looks from people knowing our situation. I used to get so upset when people would tell me that I was strong.  Although I managed to muster up a smile from time to time, on the inside I was BROKEN. It was extremely hard to adjust to my new life. I persevered. I was a part of “the system”, until I turned 18. Let me drop some statistics on you. High school students in foster care have the highest drop-out rate and lowest graduation rate in comparison to all student groups. Only 20% of foster kids attend college.

I graduated number 4 in my class, a straight A student, Student Body President, Track Star, Captain of the Majorettes, Prom Queen, Recipient of Multiple Awards & Scholarships, Football Maid, Class Favorite, and a Member of the Mississippi National Guard. I also attended The University of Southern Mississippi. Despite everything I went through, I beat the odds.

I SURVIVED.

I’ve had multiple failed relationships. I have loved and lost and loved again. I’ve been played, I’ve done the playing. I went through a phase of drinking until I blacked out. I was raped again as a young adult. I’ve lost friends. I’ve been betrayed by people closest to me. I’ve lost faith in God and regained it. I’ve had a cancer scare. I’ve battled with depression. I’ve had a high-risk pregnancy. I’ve personally been through hell and back.

I SURVIVED.

You want to know the best part about surviving? It means you’re still living; your story goes on.

I don’t pity myself or desire sympathy. The things I have had to endure has molded me into the woman I am today. & I know that so many others have had it way worst than me.

I am now the mother of two beautiful kids. Soldier. Full-time Cosmetology student. & now a Blogger.

I hope this reaches and helps someone to live in their truth and respect their journey, because if I can survive, you can too! 

[hartlessfiction]

can you rec me some good stuff??

Oh boy! I’m not sure what you’re looking for when you say ‘good stuff’ but I’ll do my best!

Supernatural- Destiel

Anna’s Dad by @mscaptainwinchester​

Raiting: E - Word Count: 35,000When Charlie talked him into joining the prom committee, Dean was not happy about it. He’s not even interested in going to prom, let alone planning it. But a meeting at committee chairman Anna Novak’s house changes all that. When Dean meets her smoking hot dad, a punk gothic god covered in the most alluring tattoos, it alters his entire perspective. Now he’s hanging out with Anna all the time and finding every excuse to flirt with her gorgeous dad.Castiel Novak swore off romantic relationships when his mate died a decade ago. Now he writes novels, throws lavish Halloween parties, and drinks with his fuck-buddy, Meg. When he meets Anna’s stunning friend, Dean, all his determination to keep emotions out of the equation goes flying out the window. Now it’s all he can do to keep his hands to himself in the face of relentless temptation.Will Dean ever get to see how far down Mr. Novak’s tattoos go? Will Castiel get over his hang-ups and let Dean in? Or will they both go their separate ways without ever knowing if their explosive chemistry could be more than just a tryst behind the pool shed? Featuring sexist classmates, a champion robot named Leia, growly alphas, and a prom theme from Hell (er… Hogwarts).

One Thousand and Ninety-four Days Verse by @envydeanwrites​

Rating: E - Word Count 3,313 - Series w/ 3 fic’s still growingIn which Dean and Cas are in prison. Castiel Novak, murderer, cell mate and servicer. He doesn’t do it because he has to, he does it because he loves it. Nobody makes Castiel Novak do anything. Not in this joint.

Queer Eye for the “Straight” Guy by JessJesstheBest

Rating: G - Word Count: 6,945“Hi, and welcome to Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: celebrity edition. Where instead of the Fab Five, who are all experts in their fields, you have me, Dean Winchester, a bisexual hockey player who is slightly above average at these things.”

“Today’s victim is Castiel Novak: world renowned etymologist specializing in honey bees. His latest research publication is receiving all kinds of awards so he’s going to have a little celebration tonight. That’s where I’m here to help.”

Good Hands by aileenrose

Rating M - Word Count: 13,238Cas is the owner of a failing—and falling apart—B&B.

Dean might be able to help with that. Dean’s good with his hands.

Unexpected by @bloodandcream​

Rating E - Word Count: 3192Grunting, Castiel squirmed, pulling at the handcuffs until they hurt. Flinched as Dean stroked a hand gently down his thigh, took him into that lying mouth, soft heat and wonderful pressure as he sucked down, down.

Somehow, this was the most unexpected turn of the night yet.

In It For The Long Haul by @ltleflrt​

Rating: E - Word Count: 25,495Long haul trucking can be a lonely business. Sure, Dean can chat up other drivers on the CB, and when Sam’s not in class or drowning in homework he’ll let Dean talk his ear off on the phone. But it’s still hours and hours of staring at the road and scanning the radio dial for local stations because he’s too lazy to upgrade the truck to satellite radio. And then a flirty waiter in a 24 hour truck stop restaurant sits down with him to chat while he eats his dinner, and suddenly his life no longer feels quite so empty.

Photography doesn’t pay much, and insomnia is a bastard. Which is why Castiel accepts his cousin’s offer of employment at the truck stop restaurant. The graveyard shift is perfect for his fucked up sleep schedule, and Gabriel doesn’t mind if he sneaks a free meal now and then. Besides, all the most interesting people come into the restaurant in the middle of the night. Including the gorgeous man with the sad green eyes that makes Castiel want to pull out all the stops to make him smile.

The Dic Pic Verse by @dangerousnotbroken​

Rating: E - Word Count: 67,550 -Multi Fic Verse CompleteIn which Dean Winchester gets an unsolicited dick pic from an unknown sender which is both totally not disappointing in that it’s a really nice dick pic, and incredibly disappointing in that it’s clearly a downloaded picture of his favorite porn star.

There’s absolutely no way it’s actually this porn star sending it to him, right?

Right?

A Flash of Black and Gold by @osirisapollo​

Rating: G - Word Count: 2,094Gabriel is acting very strange when Castiel gets to the Great Hall for breakfast. It’s easy enough to ignore, until Dean Winchester starts acting strange as well.

Wisteria by @unforth-ninawaters​

Rating E - Word Count 3,379Tumblr ficlet written in response to the prompt: So what about witch or mage dean who accidentally enchants his plants in a spell gone twisted. So what about witch or mage dean who accidentally enchants his plants in a spell gone twisted. The kinkier the better.

The Guy by @mscaptainwinchester​

Rating: E - Word Count 2,803Castiel’s boss is convinced that he would be perfect for her son, and is determined to get him to come to the Christmas party so they can meet. Castiel is still hung-up on his first and only one-night-stand. Or more specifically his dick.

The Unspoken Rule by @spnhell​

Rating E - Word Count 14,205Dean’s just a boy the first time he travels, wrenched through time and space only to be found by a strange man, one that never seems to age no matter how many years pass. He grows up with Cas, with their snatched moments in the spiral of time, and what starts as friendship eventually starts to grow into something more.

Revealed by Valinde (Valyria)

Rating: E - Word Count 10,822When a ritual backfires and Dean ends up with wings, they reveal things that he’d much rather keep hidden. Prompt fill.

And Cause After putting this whole list together I’d like to think you’d want to read my fic’s too… so:

Magical Misconceptions by @hartlessfiction

Rating: G - Word Count: 7,991This came about from the following prompt on Discord, which was then playfully dubbed the ‘NotAWitch!Cas’ Verse: “Me, in my cottage, in front of the wood stove, sipping tea. Looking outside, my bees are pollinating my expansive garden. My goats and chickens and cows are happy and safe. I feel content with my choices and my future. I unconditionally and recklessly love myself. The local children believe I am a witch"  The prompt is in first person POV but the fic is not written in the first person, it’s from Cas’s pov. I hope you enjoy this warm and fuzzy holiday season themed fic with so much beautiful art by FoxyMoley.

That’s Why I’m Your Sweetheart by @hartlessfiction

Rating: T - Word Count: 2,839Dean didn’t think his life could get any better. He had the mate of his dreams, a really nice apartment in the heart of the city, and a comfortable position at one of the leading architectural firms. At least that’s what he thought when he stepped off the elevator after a long, late shift at the office. The smell of cookies baking is supposed to make a man feel happy and hungry, but to Dean’s sensitive nose it sparks a warning bell. There’s no other explanation for it, Cas is stress baking.

The Battle by @hartlessfiction

Rating G - Word Count: 770The silence should have been Gabriel’s first sign that something was off. When you have two six-year-old boys in the house, it should never, ever, not even for one moment, be quiet.

Teen Wolf -Sterek 

(only cause i’ve been really into this recently)

Parallels by inatshej

Rating: E - Word Count: 21,299Stiles slowly pulls in a mouthful of curly fries, dumbly focused on the task.’'It’s weirdly homoerotic how you do this,” muses Derek, eyeing him.Stiles chokes and Derek’s lips curl up into an almost smile. It’s so easy to get the reaction he wants from Stiles.“Yeah, it’s disgusting, Stilinski,” says Jackson, looking at the boy with distaste.Derek turns to him, letting his eyebrows rise. “And who asked you, Whittemore?”Jackson glances at him, surprised. “I’ve just agreed with y-”“No one cares,” Derek interrupts him. “Fuck off.”

Love Runs Wild by DevilDoll

Rating: E - Word Count: 9,494“You’ve got a hickey on the back of your neck!” A Neckz 'n Throats story.Or the one where Stiles shows up fro work as a model for Neckz ‘n Throats with a hickey on his neck and Derek doesn’t take it well.

Free Consultation by DevilDoll

Rating E - Word Count: 12,691Stiles Stilinski, professional knotting surrogate. Derek Hale, lonely Alpha.

Hunger by DiscontentedWinter

Rating: M - Word Count: 55,382Beacon Hills.Two lost souls.A homeless boy, a lone wolf, and people who will stop at nothing to destroy them both.

Do Not Go Gentle by MojoFlower

Rating: E - Word Count: 195,867Derek Hale, Beacon Hills Alpha and Dom, wakes up in a dark cell already housing another captive – a mute, traumatized sub with a cruel collar around his neck. His only goal is to get them both free of their brutal circumstances; but even as he tries to get his young companion home, a bond between them grows. Nothing comes easily: danger and harrowing echoes of their ordeal shadow every step they take.

Red Witch by rootbeer

Rating T - Word Count: 34,271The red hair of a banshee. The red eyes of an alpha. The red hoodie of a mage. The red of fire burning.Derek Hale has been a prisoner to the hunters since they burned his family alive. But now someone has come to save him: skinny, defenseless Stiles–147 lbs of skin and fragile bones. Turns out, sarcasm isn’t his only weapon.

The One with the Mail-Order Brides and A/B/O Dynamics by Stoney

Rating: E - Word Count: 16,149Wolves aren’t meant to be alone. Laura tells Derek this repeatedly. Which… is why Derek knows he’s losing his mind, as Laura has been dead for more than six years. Wolves aren’t meant to be alone.And so he sends away for a companion. JUST for a companion, not for a mate. The universe, however, has a different plan in store for him.

Ok Nonny, I hope that tides you over for a while…. 

slinks off back into the bowels of the internet.

[your-dietician]

The Bucks’ path to the NBA Finals — The Undefeated

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/nba/the-bucks-path-to-the-nba-finals-the-undefeated/

The Bucks’ path to the NBA Finals — The Undefeated

There’s a well-known comment in Wisconsin when it comes to the hometown Milwaukee Bucks’ chances in a given playoff series: Bucks in six.

What started as a fool-hearted, yet enduring proclamation by then-Bucks guard Brandon Jennings ahead of a 2013 first-round series matchup with the “Big Three” Miami Heat – (“I’m sure everybody is writing us off but I see us winning the series in six,” Jennings said at that year’s Wisconsin Sports Awards) – morphed over the years into a rallying cry for a team that hasn’t made it to the NBA Finals in nearly half a century. Sometimes close, but never close enough.

But in the past eight years, starting just a few weeks after Jennings’ doomed prediction (the Heat swept the Bucks in 2013) with the drafting of a lanky kid out of Greece named Giannis Antetokounmpo, the Bucks have revamped, reconfigured, restarted and rebuilt themselves into an actual title contender that no longer lives on the fringes of the playoffs.

On Saturday night, after back-to-back years of underperforming in the postseason, the Bucks clinched the Eastern Conference title with a 118-107 victory over the Atlanta Hawks, fittingly reaching their first NBA Finals since 1974 in six games.

And it was all without Antetokounmpo, who has been sidelined with a hyperextended left knee since the third quarter of Game 4. For a team that prides itself on playing as a complete unit, rather than a Gladys Knight & the Pips-style one-man show, the Bucks leaned heavily on their two other stars, Jrue Holiday and Khris Middleton. The duo combined for 59 points, 13 rebounds and 16 assists, with Middleton overcoming a poor first half (five points and five turnovers) to drop 23 points in the third quarter.

“Khris carried us there for a lot of it, just leaving his heart out there,” Holiday said. “Just kind of like if we’re going to go down, we’re going to go down on his shoulders. I’m riding with him, riding right into the Finals.”

Making it easier for the Bucks on Saturday was that Young, who bruised a bone in his foot during Game 3, was clearly still hobbled. The third-year guard declined to attack the paint and had his passing lanes clogged up, leading to him starting the first quarter with nearly as many turnovers and personal fouls (three) as minutes played (four). At one point, Young shook 7-foot center Brook Lopez for an open look from atop the key but uncharacteristically passed the ball away.

“I still have pain. It’s going to be like this for at least a couple more days, so I knew I wasn’t going to be able to feel 100%,” Young said after the game. “So I was going to go out and at least try and try to do it again.”

As the game wore on, Young became less timid, but aside from another breakout game from guard Cam Reddish (21 points, 6-of-7 on 3s), the Hawks weren’t enough for Milwaukee. While the Bucks were failed by poor shooting, lack of energy and hustle in the two games they lost in this series, those were their keys to victory on Saturday. The Bucks outgained the Hawks in 3-pointers (17-12) and rebounds (46-43) and committed one less turnover, the type of complete performance that is needed out of a championship winner.

“We needed everybody. I think that’s the best part about it. We needed something from everybody,” P.J. Tucker said. “Our bench was amazing all series, all playoffs, everybody on our team gave something.

“Giannis goes out, Bobby [Portis] has been great, everybody came in and fought hard the entire series. It just shows our team. It just shows the guts of our team.”

Giannis Antetokounmpo (left) and Khris Middleton (right) celebrate as Eastern Conference champions.

David Dow/NBAE via Getty Images

Before this season, this Bucks team wasn’t able to put it all together at just the right time.

As the team’s production began to rise during the 2017-18 season, when Antetokounmpo started to show flashes of the superstar he would soon become, so did their expectations. The Bucks finished the next two seasons with the best record in the league, but were dispatched from the playoffs early by two hungrier teams that went on to win the East.

They were then, fairly or not, labeled as a “regular-season” team, meaning they could be successful during the regular season, but once the playoffs hit, they didn’t have the mental toughness and/or strategy to be championship caliber.

It also didn’t help that Milwaukee ran into players who decided to go supernova during the playoffs. In 2019, Kawhi “Cyborg” Leonard, on one good leg, snatched the heart from the Bucks as the Toronto Raptors overcame a 2-0 deficit to run off four straight wins on their way to an NBA championship. Last season, inside the Walt Disney World bubble, Jimmy Butler willed the lower-seeded Miami Heat into a second-round upset of the Bucks ahead of their own run to the Finals. Even this postseason, the Bucks had to battle the offensive brilliance of Kevin Durant and Young, at least until the latter’s series-altering ankle injury in Game 3.

In the past, when the pressure reached a precipice, everyone from the coaches to players seemed to falter. Antetokounmpo and Coach Mike Budenholzer couldn’t figure out how to scale the “wall” defenses built. Middleton, while brilliant when he’s on (particularly against the Boston Celtics), would suddenly develop a case of the yips in pivotal postseason moments. Shots that would fall for role players wouldn’t fall anymore, no matter Budenholzer’s “let it fly” mantra.

“It’s adversity,” Pat Connaughton said of losing in the playoffs the past two years. “I would say it’s unfortunate, but you learn a lot from losing. You really look yourself in the mirror and there’s two ways you can go: You can hang your head about it or you can use that as motivation to get better and fix the problems that you have and continue to work every single day and understand that it’s a process.”

But this season and its playoffs were different. The Bucks were more flexible in everything from their roster construction to their offensive sets. Those who couldn’t step up in crunch time in the past were suddenly inheritors of the clutch gene.

“Every team has a different journey and every team has to go through different things,” Budenholzer said. “… I think just like every team in the league, when this group hasn’t been able to advance, hasn’t been able to continue, it’s hurt. It’s been hard. The offseason, the guys have put the work in, the players have put the work in. And I’m impressed with what they have done, really every year, but coming into this year.

“But there’s still work to be done.”

Budenholzer has been heavily criticized over the past two years for his failure to adjust in the playoffs. According to various reports, his job was on the line if the Bucks weren’t able to make tangible progress in the playoffs. But he has made the necessary changes to get his team to the Finals. And it was general manager Jon Horst who helped construct a roster that emphasized both 3-pointers (as he had in the past) but also toughness, both the physical and mental variety.

Portis, who signed to a two-year, $7.5 million deal in November, made all the difference in Game 5 (and had the Fiserv Forum crowd in a frenzy during the blowout in Game 2). Tucker, who was traded to the Bucks in March, played strong defense on Durant in the second round. Jeff Teague, who played for Atlanta for parts of eight seasons, made three 3s in Game 6. Bryn Forbes, who cooled off in the later rounds, outscored Butler in the first round. Connaughton grabbed offensive rebounds and hit timely 3s. Lopez, Donte DiVincenzo, the list goes on.

As for the Bucks’ Big Three of Antetokounmpo, Middleton and Holiday (acquired in November from the New Orleans Pelicans), each had their mental breakdowns and struggles during both the past and these playoffs, but when the team needed them to help close out games, they showed up: Middleton’s game winner against Miami in the first round, Antetokounmpo in crunch-time minutes against Brooklyn in the second round, and Holiday in the last two games without Antetokounmpo.

The team that could start strong but never finish has finally vanquished that label. And it’s poetic that it was Middleton who led the Bucks to this Finals run.

Middleton has grown from an afterthought in the 2013 trade that shipped Jennings off to Detroit and brought Middleton, Brandon Knight and Viacheslav Kravtsov to the Bucks (Middleton was referred to as one of “two other players” at the time of the trade), to the certified closer on a team that is four wins from winning its first title since 1971.

As the Bucks tanked and rebuilt around Antetokounmpo at the beginning of last decade, Middleton was there for the rough days of sub-.500 records, missed playoffs and lottery picks. Through his game winner against Miami, his dual 38-point games against Brooklyn and Atlanta, and his second-half outburst on Saturday, Middleton sums up just how far these Bucks have come.

“Honestly, it’s been a long journey, but it’s been a great journey,” Middleton said after the game. “It’s been worth it. We put ourselves in position to be in the NBA Finals. After winning 15 games in our first year here and seven years not making the playoffs to the last two years thinking we had a chance and just didn’t do enough and now we’re here.

CC Sabathia on the pressure Black athletes face to play baseball ‘the white way’ Read now

Devin Booker’s dad pushed him to go farther, go further, go harder Read now

Olympian Michael Norman puts adversity behind him as he heads to Tokyo Read now

“This is what we’ve worked for.”

Martenzie is a writer for The Undefeated. His favorite cinematic moment is when Django said “Y’all want to see somethin?”

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[iris-sistibly]

Encantadia 2016-2017: The Final Verdict (Part 2)

Part 1 here: http://iris-sistibly.tumblr.com/post/160857700329/encantadia-2016-2017-the-final-verdict-part-1

Characters and Cast Members

The Dark Horses

These are the characters and cast members who has the best development/biggest improvements in terms of narrative, performance and characterization:

1. Alena (Gabbi Garcia)- her character definitely has the biggest development throughout the entire series. Her development was probably the slowest I must say yet it was so, so worth the wait! I was disappointed at how bad her characterization was in the first book (plus Gabbi’s pabebe acting that time), but like I mentioned earlier, Book one was all about perfect timing. By the time Alena chose to let go I was like, “FINALLY!” at laaast! Encantadia did not stick to the norms of the first love never dies rule of the Filipino romance genre. Her character continued to shine for the rest of the series and I couldn’t be more proud especially at Gabbi who was my least favorite cast member of the first book. Compared to the rest of the cast, Gabbi’s performance isn’t up there, but for a lesser experienced actress like her, it was more than enough to impress me, I have seen her evolve from a pabebe actress to a more mature, serious performer. One of the few things I would rave about the show’s 10-month run is Alena being crowned as queen of Lireo. Her original counterpart’s narrative focused on romance but, I love how they changed Alena’s story in the most drastic yet exciting way possible and they turned her into a strong, independent, confidently beautiful woman with a heart. She is the perfect queen for Lireo, very much like Mine-a I must say. And yes, surprise surprise, despite of me being an Amihan fanatic, Alena is my top pick in this category.

2. Amihan (Kylie Padilla)- if you have been following the 4R’s series I have mentioned so many times before how disappointed I was at Kylie for literally bringing my favorite sang’gre down. But just like Alena, Kylie’s Amihan had her own time to shine. And ever since the Amihan’s fall arc, Kylie has been nailing her character scene after scene after scene. Never in my whole fan girl existence did I imagine that she would nail a character such as Amihan, a mother, a queen, a warrior, a woman. She and Gabbi were clearly the dark horses of the show. What I really love about Amihan’s narrative and Kylie’s portrayal was that, they made me look deeper into Amihan not just as a character but as a woman in general which is why I appreciated Amihan more than ever now. I guess my only disappointment is Kylie leaving the show because of her pregnancy but still, until her last scene, Kylie has proven that even though she can no longer be a part of the show anymore, she is and will always be Amihan 2016.

3. Ybarro/Ybrahim (Ruru Madrid)- when I first saw him, my first impression was: “hm…he’s cute, but he’s too young to play the character.” BUT, I ate every word I said. For me, Ruru and his character has one of the most beautiful transition from being Ybarro, a childish mandirigma to Ybrahim, Rehav and eventually Rama of Sapiro. I must say, his team up with Kylie really helped him become more mature and serious actor (same goes for Kylie). His closeness with Mikee helped him nail his role as a father which again, I never thought he’d nail. And I became more drawn to his character and appreciate Ruru as an actor for being consistently excellent with his performance despite of his ridiculous character narrative in book 2. Sad that his story did not focus more on him being a King of Sapiro and what will he do to rebuild his kingdom, he was ripped into pieces when his daughter died but you know, there was no clear development on how the pain of losing his loved ones turned him into a wiser and stronger persona like Alena. He became too dependent in Lireo and he babied Lira way too much and while I understand that she is his everything, I never saw his development from being an overly protective dad to a more understanding type—understanding enough to realize that Lira is no longer a little girl (pff! As if Lira matured 🙄), I wish they added some sort of conflict between father and daughter that will pave way to the maturity of both characters. Anyhoo, this guy deserves an award, this guy deserves more projects, this guy deserves to be praised. He maybe young, but when I look at Ruru, I always forget that he’s only 19 years old, I see Ybrahim, King of Sapiro, Lira and Kahlil’s dad, and Amihan’s beloved. For that, I already consider him in line with the country’s elite actors like John Lloyd Cruz, Dingdong Dantes, Piolo Pascual and so much more.

Rating: 10 out of 10💎s

The Elites

Characters who has the most complex personality and interesting narrative. Cast Members who were consistently excellent in terms of performance.

1. Pirena (Glaiza de Castro)- it’s no surprise that Glaiza is my top pick in this category, from the moment I saw that promotional photo on the internet, I knew Glaiza was the perfect choice for Pirena. From her very first appearance up to the finale, she was consistent, and that’s extremely important for me when I am rooting for a character and an actress. She nailed every side of Pirena, every aspect of her character. Pirena is one of the most complex character and very difficult to portray, but Glaiza was just so freakin’ effortless, I saw her passion for acting and Pirena’s fiery character beautifully synced in one persona, she was so snappy at shifting from one emotion to another, and for that, kudos to Glaiza for being one of the first few actors to give justice to such an iconic character like Pirena. Narrative-wise, there is a little bit rant about the part of her story with Azulan but I don’t really mind that much because I know that the second book is rushed and AzPiren’s relationship didn’t have the chance to blossom and develop like YbraMihan, but still Glaiza and Marx nailed their team up.

2. Hagorn (John Arcilla)- it was a close fight between him and Glaiza but what made him second is not his performance but his story. I’m so bummed that his character was never redeemed in this version in contrast to his original counterpart, his narrative was so good in the first book but it deteriorated at the second half of the show’s long run. There wasn’t even a closure between him, Pirena and Lila Sari for goodness’ sake! John Arcilla is no doubt a good actor, it’s like every word of compliment I use to describe him is an understatement, he’s beyond excellent and he never failed to wow me every single time he appears on TV.

3. Mira (Kate Valdez)- now this girl is definitely one of the biggest surprise in this show, this Hathorian heiress sure inherited her skills from mommy Piry and grandpa Haggy. Opposite to the original Mira, I am glad that her character played a role during the final war and contributed a lot to the development of the story especially in book 1, although I wish her role was more pivotal in the second book. I still hate the fact that she and Lira didn’t have their moment to shine and will now be forever remembered as Pirena’s baby (just like Lira), there was no transition from being a diwani to a sang’gre level kind of diwata which I am disappointed since they promised character developments for the super twins, and she never had the chance to meet her bio-dad. Still—great job bes!

4. Danaya (Sanya Lopez)- Sanya! How to be you po? Another newbie has proven that she can keep up with the likes of Glaiza and John my ghad! I am glad that the writers made us see Dany’s softer and vulnerable side, I love Sanya’s Danaya, ang chaka nga lang that they did not elaborate the DanQuil love story more, although I am happy that they made us see her struggles as queen, I would have appreciated it more if there was this balance between Danaya’s narrative as Hara and her narrative as a woman. In this version, it was more on Hara Danaya.

5. Cassiopeia (Solenn Heussaff)- She was the perfect choice for the character, I love how Solenn really made it seem like En-Chan is her mother tongue, and it’s really hard to act without talking, for me she has the most difficult role, being the only one who doesn’t talk by mouth most of the time, but I am very proud of Solenn for giving justice to Cassiopeia. BTW, I ship CassRe 😂

6. Gurna (Vaness Del Moral)- One of the most effective villains in the show! I have to say, Vaness will forever be remembered by her acting prowess, I hope she will be given more projects in the future. GMA 7 DO NOT WASTE THIS PRECIOUS GEM! She deserves to be recognized as one of the network’s A-list actresses.

7. Agane (Rochelle Pangilinan)- Ah, another rave-worthy actress! I remember my grade school self watching her dancing with the Sex Bomb girls in my favorite EB segment Laban o Bawi. Look at her now, still shining in her own way, I love how Agane’s not all baddie and also has her own story to tell which was something new. Hands down to Rochelle for being so freakin’ GOOD, her performance as Agane is EVERYTHING.

8. Ether (Janice Hung)- the queen of wushu, I personally don’t like her voice and I would have liked it if she just used her own voice and maybe add some sort of special effects on it to make her sound like a goddess bitch, but wow, just wow. Her martial arts skills is on fire, her portrayal of the character is so good, she’s very effective as a villain, and I hope to see more of her.

Rating: 10 out of 10 💎s

The Saviors

Characters with badly written narratives yet were “saved” by the actors with their impressive performances.

1. Lira (Mikee Quintos)- Disappointed that they did not tell her story in such a way that she will be remembered as Encantadia’s hero/savior, it’s a total bummer how she was reduced from being a highly respected princess to being the captain of the YA and DanQuil ship, now don’t get me wrong, I ship both YA and DQ, it’s just that I believe Lira can give so much more if they just gave her and Mira a chance. And Mikee, kudos to this girl for saving Lira’s character.

2. Avria (Eula Valdes)- Despite of me knowing the story of Avria (based on the original Etheria), I would have appreciated it if they wrote her character the way they wrote Hagorn’s. She was an all out baddie but they never narrated why, remember, a baddie will never be a baddie if they didn’t have some shitty past right? They can’t be just some psycho who wants a diwata overkill for no reason, heck even murderers have their own dark past that triggered them to do such thing.

3. Andora (Rochelle Pangilinan)- Ugh, Rochelle what will Andora do without you? They just turned her into a pawn aka Mashna when she is a Heran, HERAN! She’s supposed to play a pivotal role in this book but…sigh.

4. Emre (Zoren Legaspi)- I just feel so bad that Zoren had to work extra hard to make Emre a loveable character when clearly he’s not, his story just had too many plot holes that I just can’t appreciate it. And although it’s interesting to see a powerless Emre, it was such a failure for me.

5. Aquil (Rocco Nacino)- Man! Mas gusto ko pa ‘yung na tegi nalang si Aquil, it’s another bummer that Rocco didn’t really have the chance to contribute more to the story’s progress despite the fact that he is considered as one of the major characters in the story, he was downgraded into a love sick guy who’s all about Danaya. Dude, what about patriotism? Camaraderie? That is so unlikely of Aquil.

6. Asval (Neil Ryan Sese)- Such a waste character, there was nothing special about him, he is the most stereotype among all the villains. At least the original Asval had the chance to redeem himself in the final war unlike this shit. Thank God Neil Ryan played the character, otherwise, Asval would have been one of my biggest disappointments in the show.

Rating: 8 out of 10💎s

The Underdogs

Underrated characters and actors yet so deserving to be recognized

1. Muros (Carlo Gonzales)- Come on! The dude deserves to be recognized and he deserves to be happy!

2. Hitano (Pancho Magno)- I said this once and I’ll say it again, I love Hitano. He’s the kind of guy who will do anything for his beloved and will remain faithful to you until the end, too bad Alena and Lila Sari failed to see how incredible this guy is. Well maybe he’s just too good for them.

3. Muyak (Klea Pineda)- I am so annoyed that she died just like that, but I think Klea did a really good job at playing Muyak, her story was insipiring, too bad they focused on “plot twists” way too much that there was no character build up for her.

4. Manik (Joross Gamboa)- One of the most promising villains ever! If the Ybriana romance worked, I would have rooted for a duel between Ybrahim and Manik.

5. Wantuk (Buboy Villar)- My happy pill, never failed to make me laugh despite of him being a recurring character instead of being Ybrahim’s confidante and adviser.

Rating: 8 out of 10💎s

The Raspberry Awardees

Characters with the worst narrative and cast members with the face-palming performances.

1. Ariana (Arra San Agustin)- WORST NARRATIVE. WORST PERFORMANCE. She will always be my biggest disappointment and I will forever hate the team for choosing her to play the character. But in all fairness naman, she did pretty well in the finale, I wish she showed more of that in the previous episodes, maybe I won’t be hating on her so much, and people would have appreciated her efforts to continue Amihan’s story. It was because of her that the YA love story fucked up big time.

2. Pao Pao (Phytos Ramirez)- Narrative wise, come on, Pao was Amihan’s protégé and he was turned into a completely useless kid? Dude!

3. Deshna (Inah de Belen)- Her story would have been rave worthy, sigh, why the hell did y’all focused on the sarkosi plot?!

4. Juvila (Jinri Park)- I can’t take her seriously as a villain, she clearly struggles at speaking Tagalog and En-Chan that she always sounded like she’s reading the script. Am I the only one who thinks the baddies all have one emotion and that’s hatred? No variety or play of emotions, no story that would make people understand why they act the way the do, writers seriously!

5. Odessa (Sheree)- “Who the hell is she again?”  that’s how unmemorable she is

6. Haliyah (Valeen Montenegro)- most useless character ever.

7. Memfes (Lance Serrano)- ARC FILLERRRRRRR!

Runner-up for Rasberry Awardee: Kahlil (Avery Paraiso)- was expecting so much from him but like Lira and Mira he wasn't never given a chance (in Book 2)

Rating: Do I even have to rate this? Okay fine, 4 out of 10💎s

-Total: 8 out of 10💎s

[jeffmadsburr-blog]

Here's another thing

There’s some internalized homophobia yo

Burr had always sort of admired Jefferson. He was four when his parents died and he moved in with his grandfather. That’s when he met Jefferson. Burr transferred into Thomas’ class halfway through kindergarten.

He remembers being stricken with how confident and collected he’d been. It was striking for a little boy who had just lost everything that someone could seem so utterly content with nothing but themself.

Thomas was always the first one to answer questions, talk during show and tell. He was the line leader and the cubby monitor, always in charge. Always doing something.

Even when he screwed up, he just brushed it off with grace. He was always pushing himself. Nobody could seem to keep up.

Well, almost. His best friend was James Madison, a smaller than average, sickly boy. He took Thomas’ fervent energy with stride, though he was far from outgoing himself.

He was always with Thomas, infrequently speaking up to support, or sometimes correct the taller boy. James was often found defusing playground arguments between other children and Thomas. They were inseparable.

Though he didn’t speak much, Aaron knew Madison was just as intelligent as his best friend, perhaps more. He would hear the teachers compliment Madison on his writing when they returned assignments. Aaron was envious of him. Burr knew all the words, he just struggled with putting them together properly.

Burr didn’t usually go outside for recess, but one day their usual teacher was absent and the substitute forced him outside. He stood and watched Thomas and Madison dominate foursquare. Thomas was the undisputed champion. Aaron watched kid after kid challenge the kings of the square and fail.

After a while it was obvious to Burr that Madison was a much better player than Jefferson. If Thomas did manage to get taken out, Madison was quick to move him back through the ranks and then quietly relinquish his square.

Bored and cocky as he was, Thomas demanded Burr join the game

“Is there none left to challenge me? Am I doomed to reign forever above unworthy subjects? I am appointed.”

“Disappointed Thomas.”

“Yeah yeah Jemmy. Okay. Hey! You! A-aron.”

“It’s just Aaron, actually.”

“Sure. You haven’t played. Come try and beat me!”

“No thank you.”

“Come on. Don’t be such a stick in the mud”

“You know he won’t stop until you do”

“….Only for one round”

“Sweet! Get in the peasant square.”

“That’s the jack”

“I know Jemmy. It’s called drama.”

Reluctantly, Aaron positions himself in the square, but rather than immediately trying to knock out Thomas, he goes for James. Burr could see the shock on Madison’s face as the ball bounced in and out of his square without even the slightest attempt at stopping it.

Two serves later and he managed to dethrone Thomas as well. Aaron stood alone as the hero of the playground. Through the havoc of screaming and cheering children, he watches Madison trail Thomas over to the far side of the playground.

Aaron slipped out in the midst of the commotion to follow the duo. He found them sitting under a tree together, their hands clasped together so tightly that the tips of Madison’s fingers are white with pressure.

“Are you okay Tom?”

“Of course. It’s just some stupid game. It was just dumb luck is all.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Why don’t you hold my hand anymore, Jemmy?”

“I’m holding it right now.”

“You know what I mean.”

“……Big kids don’t hold hands, Tom.”

“That’s dumb”

Madison didn’t respond, they spent the rest of recess sitting quietly. When bell rang, Aaron scrambled to hide the fact that he’d been spying. Thomas saw him and scoffed.

“Beginner’s Luck gone already?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“See, Jemmy. I told you.”

He stood dumbly and watched as they made their way back to the school. He couldn’t help but notice how as they walked and talked that Thomas’ hand was pulled tight into a fist by his side, or how James’ curled against his chest as if protecting something.

The rest of the year passed rather uneventfully. Thomas might have picked more fights or been a little snappier, but if someone noticed, they didn’t mention it.

Aaron spent the rest of elementary school in different classes than the two. Largely, he forgot about them. He stood with them in front of their small student body when the three of them are awarded honor roll each year, and Thomas and Aaron perfect attendance.

He’s in middle school when they meet again. It’s the first day of gym class in the seventh grade, and the teachers decided to break the ice with a game of dodgeball. Aaron had opted to sit out and read, but he’s interrupted suddenly by the sound of kids jeering.

“Look at the queers”

“What a couple of faggots”

“James and Thomas sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g”

“Hey, shut up. Leave Jemmy alone.”

“What are you gonna do, queer?”

“My dad says people like you burn in hell.”

“Tell your dad that I sai—”

“Thomas, please. Just leave it alone.”

“Thomas pleeeeeaaaaase~ They were right, you are a pansy.”

“Hey. Don’t talk to him like that.”

“Why? He’s obviously ashamed of you.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

“Ooooooh~ The queer is mad.”

“C'mon, Thomas let ju—”

“Stuff it you pansy.”

The world slowed down as Aaron watched the ball makes contact with James’ face. The gym was suddenly silent as the ball bounced to the floor. Madison’s face screwed up in pain and confusion. There’s blood running from his nose.

Thomas seemed to realize what happened before James did, and he’s already started after the kid as James tries to blink himself out of shock. Jefferson snatched the boy up by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the gym wall.

“You’re fucking dead.”

Aaron doesn’t know how it happened, but suddenly he’s there too, grabbing at Thomas, attempting to talking him down as another kid runs for a teacher.

He manages to pull Thomas away, with surprising difficulty considering the other boy’s slender build. He drops the kid on his ass and rushes over to James again. The gym teacher comes over and asks Burr what happened.

“He attacked James. Thomas was just protecting his friend.”

“His boyfriend you mean. Thomas is a fucking faggot Mr. Seabury”

“Hm. Well, Mr. Lee, if you’re alright I suggest you go join the others. Burr, I’m going to walk those two to the office”

“I’ll do it sir! I’m the nurse’s assistant, and Thomas will go more quietly if I do.”

“Alright then. Get to it, Burr”

Burr walks past the two boys who are murmuring softly to each other and motions for them to follow. The walk down the hall is awkward and quiet. On his right James is holding Thomas’ handkerchief to his nose to stop the bleeding, and on his left Thomas is managing to look both pissed and rebuked.

Instead of walking them to the office, Burr brings them to the nurse’s room. He tells them to stay put while he gets some ice.

Aaron takes his time because he can tell they need some time to talk. He doesn’t know what he expected to find when he came back. Thomas yelling, perhaps the two of them making out on the cot. He wasn’t expecting Jame’s voice, louder and more forceful than he’d ever heard it.

“Just because Thomas. Okay?”

“No. Not okay. What did I do? Tell me how I can fix it.”

“You can’t Thomas. You don’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t! Help me understand, Jemmy.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Aaron could almost hear Thomas’ heart break through the door.

“Je—James, please.”

“Leave me alone, Thomas. I don’t want to speak to you anymore.”

Aaron waited a couple moments before he walked in. He gave Madison the bag of ice, but suddenly he feels a little better about it being him that got decked.

Madison murmurs a quiet thanks and Aaron turns to Thomas. He’s sitting with his head down turned, hair hiding his face.

“Alright, come on short fuse. I’ll get the office to write you a note to get out of gym for the day.”

He swallows thickly. “Thanks.”

They walk in uneasy silence as Burr tries to pretend he can’t see the tear streaks on the other boy’s face. Then, for the second time that day, he’s grabbing Thomas and hauling him off.

Thomas weakly protests as he’s dragged into the handicapped bathroom and as Burr flicks the lock, he begins to panic.

“What? Was watching me embarrass myself in gym not enough? Wanted to watch me cry? Give me a swirly yourself?”

“We both know you’re just upset. Did Madison just dump you?”

“It’s hard to dump someone you’re not dating. Madison is as straight as they come, okay?”

“I’ve never seen him so much as look at a girl before Thomas.”

“Yeah, well, what do you know?”

“Nothing really. Do you want to hear a secret?”

“No.”

“Too bad. Hush and listen up. I think you’re great”

“Burr are you hitting on me?”

“I told you to shut up. I mean you’re great. I can’t come out to my sister, let alone the whole school. Maybe James is straight—”

“He is”

“Or maybe he’s just scared. Just give him some space, okay? It’s probably not even about you. He just needs to get some things sorted.”

Burr was irredeemably incorrect. Jame was, to his surprise, removed from every class he shared with Thomas.

To his even greater surprise, Thomas seemed completely unaffected by this turn of events.

If anything, his mood seemed to improve. He was just as loud and sociable as he had been before.

Madison was eerily quiet without Jefferson’s energy and presence. He looked like a ghost drifting aimlessly down the halls. Then Thomas started dating.

Jefferson was relentless in his pursuit. He dated and flirted with anyone who looked in his direction. Boy girl, younger, older, it didn’t matter.

James stopped coming to school. There was never a week where he made it to every class, and whenever asked he simply offered up that he was sickly.

He was out the entire week leading up to Valentine’s Day, but that morning Burr saw him standing in front of Jefferson’s locker, clutching a purple piece of paper. It made Aaron irrationally angry.

“Skipping class again?”

“Jesus fuck, Burr. You gave me a heart attack”

“I’m the hall monitor, I’m pretty sure that’s my job”

“Yeah, we’ll go monitor another hall.”

“Are you actually giving him a Valentine?”

“What?”

Aaron quirked an eyebrow and looks pointedly at the letter crumpled in his grasp.

Madison squares his shoulders, defensive posture if Aaron’s ever seen it. “It’s not mine”

“So you’re delivering someone else’s valentine for Thomas?”

“No. Well, maybe it’s mine, but it’s not from me. It’s to me.” The anger in Burr’s gut is began to roil into rage.

“You’re returning Jefferson’s valentine to you, then?” Who the fuck did Madison think he was? Didn’t he know how fucked up Thomas was about being abandoned by his best friend?

[ratherembarrassing]

a list of things and stuff from supergirl 214, some i liked, some strikethroughs i didn’t that you can skip if you just want the happy stuff -- by me

KARA DANVERS: the gentlewoman we all deserve to encounter after sex!

flowers! coffee! still gonna make you turn around while she gets changed!

for that matter: kara getting to have sex! that she could actually enjoy without fear of injury! good for her! she was invigorated!

SHAME ABOUT HER CHOICE IN DICK. GIRL, LENA WILL BUILD YOU A SUPERSTRONG DILDO IF YOU ASK NICELY.

honestly, he is The Worst. someone sent me an ask about whether or not i think mon-el is abusive, and i think that’s a really unnuanced position that fandom has chosen to take up. why draw a long bow with examples to play match the classic abuser behaviour when it’s far more accurate to say mon-el is what society has trained men to be to women from the last several hundred years, and collectively that society is abusive to women.

even him finally finally FINALLY FUCKING LEARNING A LESSON this week was classic misogyny. kara fucking told him HEY DUDE HOW ABOUT YOU LISTEN TO WHAT I WANT. mon el: ?????? WHAT DO I DO ????? winn: HEY DUDE HOW ABOUT YOU LISTEN TO WHAT SHE WANTS. winn: ohhhhhhhhhh. FUCK SAKE.

i really did think this was all going somewhere but they kind of blew their load on kara’s forever alone BY GETTING THEM TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE soooooo i have lost all hope this is all on purpose.

he sucks, they’ve repeated the same bullshit with him and kara week after week after week and i hate it. #FREEKARA.

dad clothes!kara returned. my heart grew three sizes.

also kara kind of had a plan! that she came up with! on her own! to run a mission! my child, you have grown!

danversesesesesssss!!!!

despite the fact that i knew jeremiah wasn’t going to be 100% team superDEO, or maybe actually because i knew, this was Upsetting™.

imagine how much more upsetting it would have been if they had invested in the search for jeremiah, like, at all? small mercies, or something.

jeremiah being a dad for like three seconds and shoving mon-el out the door was the highlight of my life.

alex made the saddest noise ever, multiple times and i was shaken to the core every time.

my growing concern for alex’s drinking: still growing.

oh my god her sad face and sad noises. shaken!

shaken!

danvers sisters conflict!

that made sense and was tied to the plot and wasn’t resolved just because the episode was over!

SAD ALONE TIMES, OH MY HEART.

but i also really appreciated that they didn’t just leave them in sad alone times. they both have people, and a good visual shouldn’t override that fact.

maggie sawyer: one of the family now!

NOT HERE FOR WEIRD DAD COMMENTS 👏

i cannot believe she’s already met eliza. i feel legitimately ripped off.

also still the best girlfriend ever, 100% committed to listening, even if she fails sometimes to give people the right thing to listen to in return.

also her shirt at the end was cute as hell.

emotional maturity of the week award goes to eliza danvers, for being like, buddy i haven’t seen you in some amount of time*, this isn’t the same anymore!

WINN MY SON.

i vote for winn to do a plot of the week recap every week.

winn is a puppy who probably enjoys being tied up during sex and that is a thought that came entirely from that one scene and i cannot give it back but i really would like to give it back. not because there’s anything wrong with wanting to be tied up during sex, but winn is my son and i am kara levels of uncomfortable knowing that about my son.

*MY PET THEORY LIVES. or at least it wasn’t slaughtered. mon-el: 15 years, which is what he was told. alex: over a decade, which is correct. jeremiah: 14 years, mr consistently wrong. (if i were a smarter person i would rewatch the episode to see if anyone else mentioned specific dates before i post this. i am not a smarter person, and stand ready to be corrected.) i cannot believe they could fuck up this one thing this much on purpose. i refuse. which means they probably did just fuck it up and i should give up. but i also refuse.

there were zero good one-liners in this episode, wtf. that was the true disappointment of my heart.