#besides it’s not like my own life & emotions are uniquely interesting either LOL

[chiritori]

how do people make art without being sad all the time

[silkgonerough]

Astro Observation/Rants #3 (includes moral support for ppl with harsh aspects between their big 3)

🍰UNDERRATED ASPECT COMBO: Mercury sextile venus + mars when I tell you the amount of crazy situations I’ve talked my way out of and the amount of free things I’ve talked my way into is simply ridiculous.. The mixture of both I think gives someone a rlly nice and sweet way of talking but with a certain tact and persuasion with how their saying it if that makes sense? Which equals a real charmer in words but also someone very skilled in how to get what they want through what their saying. If you have this as well start using it to your advantage trust me it works!!!

☹️Does anyone else who has Pluto or Saturn on or aspecting the ascendant in a harsh aspect have an intense self awareness that kind of keeps them from doing certain things bc it gets to much be too much or you get too paranoid over what others will think of you?

😪Being a Sagittarius but with Saturn as my dominant/elevated planet is really not what I signed up for... I thought I was getting my fun carefree casual storyline but Saturn said it’s the struggle for me. RIP to young me who only looked at cookbook astrology and rlly thought I was doing something...

🙃Ppl who have their sun or ascendant squaring your own ascendant usually have habits or just certain things they do that tend to annoy you or make you judgemental in how they present themselves to the world and others around them. My virgo rising squares my moms sagittarius sun and I can’t take her anywhere 😕

🥵Venus square mars is so hot yet such a disaster in synastry😭 like maybe it’s because I attract relationships that tend to be as messy as something out of a Netflix original but I’m always so attracted to guys who’s venus’ square my mars... and then they open their mouths😪

📚If you know someone with mercury in an aspect to saturn compliment their intellect, writting skills or just knowledge in general!! Ppl with this aspect tend to feel insecure with being considered “smart” even if they really are! Most ppl I’ve met are able to articulate their thoughts rlly well and are like walking dictionaries almost? They way they talk when explaining definitions or concepts is also lowkey hot🥵maybe that’s just my Virgo rising talking tho...

💖Sun in any aspect to venus but especially the conjunct/trine as an aspect between two people is the official hype man aspect!! The venus person hypes the hell out of the sun person and vice versa!! Probs the loyal fan who’s always in your comment section😘I love this aspect sm tho you just love the entire being of the other person! one of my fave celebrities has her venus conjunct my sun and I am deeply in love with her🤪

😩WHEN WILL THE UNIVERSE GIVE ME ANYTHING OTHER THEN A DAMN PISCES ARIES OR LIBRA MAN ITS GETTING OLD give me my Scorpio or Capricorn man😭🙏 (except dont bc all of hell will break loose and it’ll be me invigoratingly opening the gates)

🌗If you have your sun in a harsh aspect to your moon (square or opposite) your childhood was probably not the most fun in the home life and you probably understood the harsh reality of marriage or just unhealthy relationships in general from the parents :/ the whole sun/moon inner conflict was also probs pretty prevalent and caused social issues with peers at school.. honestly such a sad aspect to have as a child bc everything’s so hard and you don’t understand why bc you don’t rlly understand yourself yet :( but once you grow into it and figure out how to balance your emotions/moon to your overall personality/sun one can become the strength where the other is weak and it creates a sort of wondrous enigma of a person and ppl can become rlly entranced in your personality! It’s called layers bitch😜

🤫Scorpio/Pluto in the 3rd house (I have both🤗) could be someone who has a lot of secretive hobbies or interests that they don’t share with a lot of ppl but may have a secret social media accounts for them👀 not the type to tell ppl if they like someone but the ppl who are close to them will catch on or honestly figure out just by asking them straight up bc once confronted we get all embarrassed and you can see it on our faces super easily! We love our mysteries, plot twist or literally anything that requires digging deeper or making theories when reading or watching something. No surface level shit here🙅‍♀️

💸Mars in 2nd house may have a shopping addiction or may be bad at saving money. They usually binge shop and are the types that went to a grocery store for more untensils and came back with a waffle maker and a bunch of baking supplies😅 stingy if you eat their food without permission... the type to freak out if they left their fave shirt at their friends house after a sleepover lol, probs has a thing for food and sex together or sex in a really luxurious place with candles and rose petals.. it’s go big or I’m going tf home with them. Have furniture in ur home their not fucking in a god damn roller rink🤣

🌟People with Mercury in Aquarius/aspecting Uranus seem to really like talking about scientific theories or futuristic concepts!! All the ones I’ve known have had really grand ideas and seem to like anything related to the mystical but also seemingly holds a lot of innovative undertones! One of my friends who has Mercury in Aquarius aspecting Neptune/Uranus has a thing for the Disney short films which honestly is like a mix of neptune and uranus in its art forms! I’ve always thought it was cute how eager she is to show me them☺️

🌊From what I’ve observed an aspect that can make someone kind of bad at confrontation or like vocalizing their feelings until it’s too late and their bursting like a freaking geyser is Pisces mars. It doesn’t rlly take a lot to have them feeling some sort of way either with or without a valid reason (this is just an observation from the ones I’ve seen I don’t want to generalize!!) but the way they get angry is like a baby’s tempter tantrum and because I’m a Sagittarius I can always see thru the bullshit and I’m like is anyone else seeing this? I think overall besides Scorpio having a water mars signs is exceptionally hard so I cut them some slack but at what cost😫

🤤Mars conjunct Jupiter people are yummy. The men and women both are so hot and the men are always exuding big dick energy and usually thats what their giving👀

🌎All my big 3 create harsh aspects to one another (sun square moon, moon opposite ascendant, ascendant square sun) I honestly don’t know how I made it this far without literally exploding from tension but to anyone with these I guess my advice would be to refrain from taking things too personally bc it’s usually never that serious we’re just already a bit insecure in ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world! Your perception of how others view you vs how they actually do are usually very different in a good way but we tend to self sabotage ourselves into acting the way we think others want us to! I think having so many conflictive yet different sides of yourself creates a very influential character. It’s kind of like living in many completely different places throughout your life. The change is always hard and you don’t always feel secure but your experience and perception on things are really unique and you can offer other ppl a whole new perspective on who they are bc you yourself are always looking through the world through conflicting yet contrasting lenses.

[thosewickedlovelies]

we could be Dreamers - Prologue

Pairing: Marcus Moreno x GN!Reader

Rating: T

Summary: How this world came to be

Word count: 1,671

A/N: Hiii friends 🤗 soo there’s not really a lot of plot or Marcus Moreno :( here, but consider this a prologue/worldbuilding for a Marcus Moreno x reader fic I may eventually write lol. I’m really interested in how this universe got from The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl to We Can Be Heroes, because like. Sharkboy and Lavagirl were literally just some kid’s imaginary friends that somehow magically became real, so what does that mean for the other Heroics? Where did they come from?? So I kinda wanted to write something that would make you Think :) and explore the ramifications of such a transformed universe.

Consider my previous Marcus Moreno fic a prelude to this prologue 💗

--

It was a little unnerving sometimes, being in a room with so much power. No matter that this particular training arena at Heroics Headquarters was at least the size of an American football field- when all of the Heroics are gathered in the same confined space, focused on a single purpose, you can feel it. Like their power prances tauntingly in the corner of your eye, slipping away when you try to look directly at it. Like it winds through the air, worming its way into your veins, so your very blood breathes at you to run, run, run.

Not all of the individual Heroics gave off such uncanny vibes; some were simply ordinary people with extraordinary abilities. Techo-No, for instance, and his gift for creating fantastical gadgets. The implications of his works relevant to the world at large could be worrying, but he had limits. He was just a man. Determined, and creative (even more so with his son throwing ideas at him), but ultimately human.

Not like those with powers who’d been Dreamed.

Take Sharkboy. The temper for which he’d been infamous in his youth had cooled, but when he snapped, he did so literally- blade-sharp teeth an audible clash when he bared them in a ringing snarl. Any water in the room would roil and froth- but the most hair-raising sight was his eyes, tinged with the unreadable, abyssal blackness of his namesake. Focused with a predator’s calculation on the object of his fury. (It made you think that, ironically, his temper had cooled too much- concentrated into something as icy and merciless as the depths of the sea. Just as well his wife was a lava goddess).

It was well-documented that Sharkboy could influence his oceanic kin, seeing as he was half-shark himself. Some marine biologists postulated- in low voices- that fluctuation in his emotions could unknowingly influence shark activity no matter how far from the sea he was. But nobody at Heroics Headquarters had ever dared suggest attempting a study.

That you knew of, anyway. You wouldn’t be surprised if there was a classified government branch somewhere which dealt solely with more insidious studies of the Heroics. Their weaknesses. Ways to defeat them.

Just in case.

Sharkboy and his emotions had stabilized as his Dreamer matured, but not all Dreamers were so invested in the well-being of their creations, or of the world they inhabited and could inadvertently affect. It was suspected that not all Dreamers knew that they had Dreamed at all, that they unintentionally brought Dreams into being far from where they were located and simply never became aware. This resulted in some Dreamed individuals being...unstable. Incomplete, really. Brought forth from a child’s mind, a young person who didn’t yet fully grasp the complexities of existing in this world, or indeed, the intricacies of what made one human at all.

Dreamers were children, more often than not. Their imaginative abilities generally far outstripped those of adults, worn down as they were with the grind of building a real life. The younger the person, the more time and creativity they maintained. The fewer methods they possessed to process their struggles which were grounded in reality, and not their imaginations.

--

Despite the years that have passed, nobody quite knows what happened to lead up to the Incident. How a single young boy had imagined so powerfully that it had warped reality; how his imaginings had given him the ability to design the universe at will.

The Daydreamer.

Max, as he later insisted on being called. An almost disturbingly innocuous name for a boy who had changed the world. Who had all but envisioned himself into having terrific powers- and enabled others to do the same.

In the years following the Incident, Sharkboy and Lavagirl continued to visit him in secret (Later, scientists realized that this why they recorded occasional, inexplicable disturbances in seismic and marine activity). But it wasn’t long before a larger threat to the entire Earth appeared- and so did they. To defend the place which they declared to be their new home. Though they had been willed into existence to protect Planet Drool, as Max determined to relinquish his daydreaming abilities and by extension, his dreamworld, so did the planet and its life diminish. Their presence there was no longer required, they’d explained. But earth could still benefit from their protection- especially after the reality of the threat came to light.

Someone else had Dreamed.

It wasn’t clear who, or how, or what their intentions had been. But once it had been said, everyone was forced to acknowledge the truth of it- or at least, admit that there was no other explanation. The villain’s origins were not terrestrial in any previously established sense.

Anyone who had ever met a child could have a predicted it. Too many young people ended up feeling outcast, overlooked, by both their peers and adults in their lives. It should have been obvious from the way they whispered his name. Not Max- a moniker far too average and relatable- but what they reverently regarded as his true title. The Daydreamer. A near-holy figure who had changed the game for youths everywhere. Now they had a way to combat those who plagued them. A way to create or become the superheroes who previously only existed in comic books and TV shows.

Or some did, anyway. Individuals with the strength of will and heart to Dream weren’t rare, but they weren’t quite common, either.

The only truly neutral positive of the Dreamer evolution was that governments everywhere suddenly accepted the need for increased mental health resources. Designed to increase healthy socialization for all ages and give young people ways to process and communicate their emotional needs, such programs were approved seemingly overnight in schools from elementary to university aged. “Small town life” flourished, and many city quarters and apartment buildings took to implementing “community builders” or, less charmingly, “social facilitators”- positions designed to create cohesive areas of living and minimize the kind of isolation and negative feelings that could leave someone to Dream of improving their life.

--

Nowadays, not all super-powered individuals were Dreamed. The second generation of Heroics was a testament to that. As if the universe itself had reckoned with the self-inception of the Dreamers, and seen fit to provide reality-warping countermeasures of its own.

Less than a year after the Incident, babies with...unique qualities began to be born. Few and far between, it seemed at first. Whispered reports swept from far corners of the globe, a phone tree branching from frantic parents to anyone who could provide even the slightest bit of reassurance. It seemed like doctors everywhere were swapping glances, no one willing to admit what was happening- until a second Villain appeared.

Every incident report said the same thing: a baby started crying, and then the hostages were saved by a power outage. A wash of sparks that darkened half the city.

Webbed with red lightning.

You sneak a look at the fully grown Heroic now, the long braids of her ponytail slipping over the shoulder of her characteristic red training outfit. Red Lightning Fury flexes her fingers as she listens to the head trainer explain today’s exercise- the usual sort of ‘heroes versus villains’ battles, with you and your fellow specialists assisting as villains- but judging by the lack of the smell of ozone, she isn’t yet using her powers. Blinding Fast, on the other hand, appears to fritz in place every few seconds, and you guess he’s running invisible laps to pass the time. It’s hard to tell if that’s what’s causing Lavagirl’s hair to tendril like neon pink smoke even though she’s standing still; usually the hypnotic heat shimmer of her lava flow causes the effect naturally.

You stretch in place while team arrangements are announced. As the majority of the Heroics filter into the stands to wait for their match, the buzzing, writhing presence of their power fades, and you can breathe more easily.

A figure flickers into being beside you, and you jump. “Jeez, Visi! How many times have I told you not to do that?”

Having anticipated your reaction from the countless previous times she’s snuck up on you anyway, Invisigirl laughs. “You think you’d be used to it by now.” Your closest Heroic friend grins at you, all pearly teeth against smooth brown skin.

And she’s right, which is why you were so disgruntled. Having been caught unawares too many times by the invisible hero’s silent movements, you had once asked her to give you lessons. Her instruction had improved your own stealth immensely, and now that you knew what kind of signs to listen for, her attempts at startling you didn’t work nearly as often as they had. But- “It’s hard to focus on anything with all of your powers clogging up the air,” you grumble. The birthed heroes understood what you meant- they felt it too, the nagging hiss of something other in the Dreamed heroes’ energy.

Across the arena, it looks like Miracle Guy and Marcus Moreno are waiting to be your opponents. Interesting. Miracle Guy, with his Dreamed up Superman-like abilities, was the only one who had a way of seeing Invisigirl. What it was precisely, you couldn’t recall. You make a mental note to ask Visi later.

Marcus, however, telekinesis aside, is clearly meant to be the counter to your strengths. The two men are discussing intently, but as if feeling your assessing stare, Marcus glances over. He lifts his eyebrows at you in playful challenge, a hint of a smile quirking his shapely lips before he’s pursing them at his duel-mate again.

Suppressing the pleased flutter down your spine, you turn your attention to the task ahead as Invisigirl dips her head toward you. Planning something clever, you realize, intrigued by the glint in her eye. “Let’s talk strategy.”

When the starting bell rings, your partner vanishes, and your smile curves as sharp and gleaming as the blade in your hand.

[arizona-trash-bag]

I can totally explain a bit of my thinking behind seeing lwj as autistic and wwx as autistic/adhd!! Before I get into specifics though, let me preface with where I’m coming from. I first saw CQL and then read the EXR translation of the novel. I prefer MDZS to CQL, but also want to acknowledge that because I do not read/speak Mandarin I am inherently experiencing this story second-hand and therefore am probably missing out on a lot of nuances. I am trying to learn Mandarin, but it will be a long time before I am even a little close to fluent lol.

Another preface- obviously not all autistic people present in the same way, and many of the things that I will mention are not solely specific to autistic people either. It’s one of those things where all of it added up together points towards asd, but each one individually would not on its own indicate asd, you know? Also, I will say that many of the things I picked up on for both characters are autistic traits that many autistic people have vs the clinical characteristics (much like most of the case I could make for wwx’s adhd would be adhd traits he has rather than symptoms that would lead to a real-world diagnosis.) Edit: OH! I almost forgot to say, that also all of these traits I’m listing are from a western perspective, and I would LOVE to read more about how autism presents in different cultures and to see conversations between autistc Chinese people specifically, so as to see if these traits are specific to western autistic people or not, but again, I do not speak Mandarin or Cantonese or any other Chinese dialect, so that’s a little inaccessible for me atm.

Ok, SO, for both characters I would list: strong sense of justice, lack of care for society’s opinion (I feel like it could be argued that lwj does to a certain point, but imo he operates more from what he morally considers to be correct and from a place of familial duty vs catering to the opinion of society at large), and then more vaguely, they both seem to be “nerdy” (this doesnt feel like the most accurate term, especially because it's not like being scholarly is specific to their characters, especially in ancient fantasy China- it’s more that their particular hmmm, flavor?? of love of knowledge feels very neurodivergent to me, vs like, being scholarly because it’s the thing that is expected of a Young Master, if that makes any sense at all- like the difference btwn someone getting an engineering degree because it is expected of them vs because they genuinely love engineering), and lastly for both- I would say that they are canonically kinky, and while I can’t cite any statistics, there’s a pretty high correlation between being autistic and being into kink. Obviously, not every person who is not vanilla is autistic, and not every autistic person is into kink…….but there is a high correlation.

For lwj specifically, the things that made me think he might be autistic are his lack of outward emoting combined with his depth and breadth of emotions, how he seems to thrive in and quite enjoy the very structured environment he grew up in, and then the last one off the top of my head (side note, I feel like a week from now I’m going to randomly think of other examples lol) I’m not actually sure IS an example, because I know (thanks to the awesome post from hunxi that you linked to that I had read previously) that his succintness does not equal autism, but I do kind of feel like it is very autistic to Always be so formal and to Always talk in textbook perfect language.

For wwx, I also think he likely has CPTSD! I’m not going to list anything for adhd or cptsd since we both agree on those :) As far as being autistic goes, there is, of course, the high prevalence of adhd/asd comorbidity. For specifc traits- while autism can show up as lack of facial expressions/tone, it can also show up as being overly exuberant and overexpressive. Especially for younger autistic children this can show up as being overly friendly/no boundaries w/ strangers (just?? going home with a random man who says he knew wwx’s parents???), making unusual connections that others do not can be both asd and adhd, his disregard for social status (disregard might be a strong word, and also I feel like this might be one of those things that got lost in translation and if I had read the original text I might have a different opinon, but what I mean here is the way that often autistic people learn certain social rules and try their best to follow them, but often do not pick up on specifics related to social hierarchy that are not spelled out for them- I think jyl’s take down of jin zixun is a great example of the /oppossite/ of what I’m talking about, and is a very neurotypical interaction. An example also of what I mean by disregard for social hierarchy, but from my own life, is how I’ve reflected on past convos w/ my boss only to realize that what I thought was just an interesting conversation about our opinons on a particular subject was actually them trying to tell-me-as-my-boss something they wanted me to do. We ended up doing things the way I wanted to do them because I didn’t realize that they were telling me to do something because they didnt explicitly say so, and because I just don’t pick up on when people are saying something from a social hierarchy pov. Idk if this makes sense or not, so I’m happy to try to expand if you would like me to. I feel like wwx could be described as having alexithymia, which is very common in autistic people, but could also be due to his cptsd. And then, I don’t feel like this is a true point because it is kind of based on headcanon? but wwx feels very demisexual to me, which is much more common for autistic people than it is for allistic people. But him being demi is not canon, just my perception of him (I see him as demisexual gay w/ massive comphet, but I know lots of people see him as bi, which also totally makes sense!!)

Tbh, I’m having a harder time than I thought I would listing wwx specifics. I might go through the book sometime this weekend and see if there are specific moments that pop out at me, but tbh w/ him its more that he Feels very adhd/asd to me?? Idk, I was diagnosed w/ adhd when I was 8, and all 4 of my siblings plus my father have offical adhd diagnoses. I’m 29 now and was only diagnosed as autistic earlier this year.  All of my close friends have always been either adhd, asd, or adhd/asd. There have been multiple people I have met that I’ve suspected were neurodivergent who have later told me they started looking into it and are now seeking formal diagnoses. I mention these things, only to give full context when I say that I have spent a lot of time observing the differences between interacting with neurotypicals and neurodivergents. I mean, obviously, it’s possible that I could just be projecting, but to me, Wwx gives off late-diagnosed/heavy masker autism/adhd combo vibes. Again, maybe I am projecting, but I did try to analyze whether I was or not previously, and determined that since in the past with other favorite characters (who I probably share more similarities in personality with) I did not feel like they were neurodivergent, so I figured that probably I wasn’t? That feels like a very convoluted sentence, but what I mean is that I have not thought that about other characters who have been my fav, so I figured that while I do project in certain areas that this particular area probably wasn’t one of them. Or, to say it in yet another way, since i did not project any of my neurodivergencies on past favorite characters, I figured I probably didn’t start doing so now.

I would love to hear more of your perspective on this, particularly because I worry that I do not have the cultural touchstones to realize when something wwx or lwj is doing is not actually a sign of being neurodivergent. I try my best to research things I don’t know about and to listen to fans who actually do have that cultural understanding, but there’s only so much I can look into on my own when I only speak/read english. And also, I love mdzs and I love talking about both adhd and autism, so I’m glad to talk about these subjects with someone else who also likes all of those topics :) Sorry for sending a book of a response and also I hope you are having a great day!!

wow wow wow anon THANK YOU for doing your research and acknowledging your blind spots you seriously made my day. I wanted to get to this as soon as I made that rant while sharing cyan’s post bc this is specifically an example of a well researched proposition based on actual lived experience and critical thinking.

I almost want to ask you to come forward so we can take this convo elsewhere for a more nuanced discussion bc you’ve already hit upon an issue that’s been holding me back from making a big blathering masterpost on the matter - that the ND experience is so unique and individual, and no one person can dictate someone else’s experience. at the end of the day, if you personally relate to these characters and gain more understanding of yourself and your experiences from them, who am I to take that away from you?

in a public space though I have to make the discussion very broad in order to accurately contextualize these issues, bc in typical autistic fashion I feel morally compelled to Do My Best and Get It Right even as the masses show no inclination of returning the favor, so apologies for the boring backstories I have to get out of the way before we can approach anything resembling new ground.

first from a diagnostic standpoint, while I recognize the traits you listed (and appreciate your clearly nuanced understanding of ND expressions) and would find value in exploring them in a personal context, they are not unique to adhd and/or autism and wouldn’t constitute a basis for diagnosis in a clinical setting. I know that's probably beside the point for this anon, but there's enough edgy teens hoarding labels out there without tacit encouragement from scientists (yes I am technically a scientist, even though my ideologies these days range from conventional to... wildly esoteric, shall we say)

from a cultural standpoint, it’s important for me to emphasize that the concept of neurodivergence is a uniquely western notion. for those unfamiliar, the term 'neurodiversity' was only coined in 1998. I was born in 1991. I existed for a whole 7 years as an autistic person before the idea of being neurodivergent was even a thing. this ND acceptance thing is very, very new - people were not making tiktok confessionals about their adhd diagnosis journeys when I was growing up.

china, like most asian countries, is about 20 years or more behind on just about every social issue compared with western countries. to better illustrate, the experience of being ND in china falls much closer to the conventional experience of disability (i.e. being eugenicized out of existence) than the tentative ND acceptance movement that’s been kickstarted in the past 20 years in the anglosphere.

safe to say, there is no ND coding going on in chinese media. characters are either explicitly ND or they're not. there's no basis for a creator subtly inducing ND-like traits in a character, because there's no such thing as ND awareness in the cultural context of where mdzs was written and consumed. any resemblance is purely accidental, as they say.

as to how this resemblance could exist - I could go into the layers and layers of historical, cultural, social and religious context that make up these characters and the xianxia genre as a whole. for this anon in particular i'm happy to, because they've done the work. please please get in touch in some way where we can have a fully fleshed out chat if you're interested in taking this further, I realize i’ve basically addressed none of the finer points you’ve raised but honestly it’s another level of discussion to be had that cannot be summarized in one blog post haha.

as for those who would scream 'but special interests!!' at a character whose sect was founded by a literal monk - what would be the point?

PS. to comprise a starting point for why it's possible to see ND4ND everywhere in media if you looked hard enough - I refer you to the seminal red oni blue oni trope 💁‍♀️

[gt-ridel]

Several hundred words of Half-Life Borrower!AU goodness

(Hi, this is Passportinspection!) Oooh goodness. I actually started writing this as an ask. I really thought what I had to say would fit into an ask. Since sending that anon about having 350 words of thoughts, I ended up getting distracted for a few hours, and then when I came back to this, I apparently had 400 more words to say. I just love rambling what-ifs about AUs. :’>

_

Hi Passportinspection!  Sorry it took so long to reply to this. I had more work than I thought yesterday. >__< I totally agree! Rambling about what-ifs is WAY more fun than actually writing a story. ;;>__> _

These are… not all A-list ideas, and I was very tempted to cut it down to the best bits, BUT I know that if someone said to me “I had 5 ideas for your au but only told you the 2 good ones” I would be extremely interested in hearing the 3 bad ones anyway, so… here it all is. This was written pretty stream-of-consciousness and then rearranged a bit to form my pinballing thoughts into something a little more linear, but, fair warning, it wasn’t edited much beyond that.

_ Ooo, I absolutely want to hear everything! All ideas, good and bad! Are you kidding? (Gets comfy) _

I keep thinking about the end of that “gordon takes borrower!barney with him through the events of HL1” scenario; Imagining gman’s speech at the end, I like the idea of him saying something like, “As for your.. /passenger/..” and both of their bloods running cold. I can’t decide if I’d rather barney actually go into stasis with gordon or not I think it could be an interesting/cute concept- the idea that gman/his employers figured barney was enough of a factor in gordon’s success that they thought it would be wise to keep them together for future “assignments.”

_ Bro I'll be honest, I hadn't gotten that far in the AU because I still haven't finished the game. My only reference for G-man is Mr. Coolatta. So I'll have to at least look the ending up on youtube before I'll be able to give my informed opinion.  But taking it as is?  That would be freaking terrifying. They've met some other scientists and security guards during their escape, but the HEV helmet was a perfect hiding place. None of them ever noticed that Gordon wasn't alone.  But somehow this reality bending creep knows, and it looks like he's not going to let Barney and Gordon just go home, which was basically what they were fighting for the whole time.  _

I’m also thinking about, like.. With Barney in Gordon’s helmet with him, Gordon must be able to feel him tense up and hear his breathing speed up whenever something particularly scary/dangerous happens, maybe even at times faintly feel the fluttering of his heart, and it strengthens his resolve to make it out of there bc it’s not just himself he’s saving. 🥺 Also Barney can provide running commentary, which perhaps soothes both of their nerves a little. Maybe he even helps with some puzzles. :> I also think it’s funny/convenient that that would work really well for an actual video game format. A friend that’s with you wherever you go that sees everything you see but can’t interact with the world but provides commentary and occasional helpful tips? That fits in nicely!

  _ Ha! Something I was thinking about was how Barney has spent his whole life living in the vents and such. He would probably be a perfect guide for Gordon. :3 As for Gordon feeling when Barney gets tense or scared and that fuling his drive to escape, that was ABSOLUTELY one of the reasons I wanted Barney in the helmet.  It would be uncomfortable, inconvenient, and down right dangerous sometimes. But you cannot deny the unique opportunities for deeper emotional exploration it would present. _

…But also, now that I think about it, maybe there are parts where the only way forward is for Barney to slip through a crack in a blockaded doorway and use a control panel that opens another door- that sort of thing. He gets to help with more than just talking sometimes! :> Oh, dang, imagine the part where gordon gets jumped and almost killed by the military. Poor Barney. D: Maybe a factor in Gordon escaping the trash compactor before it crushes him is Barney frantically trying to wake him up.

_ I was defo hyperfixating on what the whole beat down would be like from Barney's perspective a few days ago! Gordon would be at an extra disadvantage in the fight because he'd have to be careful not to accidentally bash Barney between his skull and the helmet while he's being smacked around.  Imagine Barney being tossed all over the small space, maybe ending up pinned when Gordon finally passes out. Noticing when a small stream of blood starts leaking from his friends mouth and soaking into his clothes. Gordon is completely helpless, and so is Barney as he hears the soldiers talking about what they're going to do with the body.  I just think that whole scene and the escape from the trash compactor would be so fun and exciting~ -

Also, unrelated, but I wonder how barney would wake up in city 17, if he did go into stasis with gordon. That is, since gordon is wearing a citizen outfit when he comes out of stasis, barney obviously can’t be in the helmet anymore. Maybe gman elects to move barney to a pocket somewhere instead lol. I’m imagining as soon as gordon is released from whatever effect gman had him under and he’s able to move again, he starts patting himself down looking for Barney (the same way one does when they forget which pocket their phone is in ), bc last he knew Barney was right up against his face and now he’s /not/, and that man SAID they’d be “hired” as a team so /where is he/ because Gordon needs to know he’s /okay/. As Barney is released from the same effect, he probably moves and makes himself apparent, so it’s only for like a second that Gordon is doing that.

_ Once again, I can't speak much to what would happen in a HL2 continuation of this story, but that sounds about right for an initial reaction scene.  Imagine Barney just coming out of it and being in some sort of... bag? being jostled around? He feels a giant hand pat over him from outside and he grunts in surprise. Then the hand rests against him and Barney realizes he's in a humans breast pocket, being held against someones chest as beside him a thundering heart slowly begins to calm. He figures this must be Gordon. He doesn't KNOW any other humans, and he can't imagine that man in the suit would be all that concerned about Barney's wellbeing.  _ 

Barney doesn’t know where they are/who else is out there at all ‘cause he can’t see from where he is, and Gordon can feel him shifting to lean out of the pocket and get a look, and he just puts a hand over the pocket, covering the opening in the process, and applies a gentle pressure for a couple moments, and Barney knows that means he needs to stay put because it’s not safe to come out yet. Thankfully Barney heard Gman talking to Gordon and addressing him by name, so he doesn’t have to worry about whose pocket he just woke up in. He would probably somewhat recognize Gordon’s gait/the feel of his hands at that point, too. As for how Gordon avoids boarding the train to Nova Prospekt without canon barney there to stop him, I have no idea.

  _ YEAAAH that is a good point. Barney is kind of vital for that role. Maybe we can slot a different character into his place. ^__^;; _

Oooh, going back a bit, maybe when the nihilanth is teleporting gordon around in the boss level, or from the very beginning when gordon jumps into the portal to Xen, they get teleported separately and end up in different places? (Ignoring for a moment the parts with portals in Black Mesa ^^;) That sure is an additional level of distress for the both of them during the Big Final Level(s). And then perhaps at the end, part of gman’s speech can be like, “As for your.. companion, you can rest assured he was recovered safe and sssound. After all, you two performed so well, together, it would be ideal to hire you as, a team.” Or whatever

_ Imagine Barney, stranded and alone on Xen, desperately trying to find Gordon, and having his OWN creepy G-man encounter. :U _

Our Barney AUs differ in some exciting ways and it’s fun to play in someone else’s sandbox for a while. :p I’ll probably cut my notes doc down into something readable and post it sometime in the near-ish future.. Either that or actually write the dang fic.

_ I would absolutely LOVE to hear about your AU too! So if you do either of those things, be sure to @ me!  Thank you so much for playing in this sandbox with me. I am ALWAY down to talk Borrower AU stuff. It's just so much dang fun! ^0^

[alexis-medina]

Edens Zero Spoilers Ch. 126

Ooooh guys!!

We finally get to know more about the cause of Kleene’s “unique disorder.” So, this happened after Müller was turned into a cyborg and now he hates human and wants to kill them or turn them into science experiments.

It’s interesting though because this is a 180 when he was a human and wanted to kill all the robots. I want to see a backstory for him to know what changed? Did humans perform surgery on him? Did he get injured escaping jail/prison and this was all they could do? Honestly, don’t feel one ounce of sympathy for this pos. But, I cant help but know his reasoning for becoming a worthless pos aka performing experiments and his hatred towards humans/robots. Who hurt you? 👁👄👁

Now back to Jinn (Kris), from the spoilers we can infer that he was mutilated in front of Kleene which I believe is the main cause of why she cannot control her emotions. I mean she was traumatized as a kid but who knows if Müller did more than hurt Jinn. Now, I know he did more than that because this pos is a sadistic old ass bitch who needs to fucking go to hell.

I’m also curious how well Kleene is able to sense Müller...Could be an instinct...a feeling...or something else...

I’m like invested in this backstory lol. I wonder if when Jinn was turned into a cyborg he lost some memories as to why Kleene’s emotional state is so fragile besides her being in the front row of his mutiliation.

Obviously Jinn wants to protect Kleene above everything else. He is secretive about his past too and gets defensive even when Sister is trying to help cure Kleene.

Plus, Sister has the ether to pretty much cure living or mechanical beings but she’s stumped on why she can’t help Kleene. My reasoning for this is because she also can’t recover Witch, Hermit or her own memories. That could be a constraint she has when it comes to healing.

Perhaps he did something to Kleene’s brain or added something mechanical inside her body. If Kleene manages to see Müller again, will she be able to control her emotions? Will it activate something inside of Kleene that will change her personality or state of mind. Will she turn into a cyborg???

I mean when we saw her fight against Homura, this was the first time we saw her losing it because she didn’t wanna die from Drakken life-sucker machine. But, she was able to go back to being “normal” now again, we don’t know what will happen when she either sees Müller or if remembers her childhood.

When I first saw Kleene, I thought the electronic hair clip was the thing controlling her at first and they had to remove it but that’s not it...unless 👀

Another hypothesis I have is that Müller can control Jinn and he will send him to attack Kleene and they’ll have a battle.

Tbh I hope either Hermit, Kleene, or Kris kill him to get closure. I guess will find out in the next couple of chapters!!

[purplesurveys]

1157

survey by hxcsingingsk8r

Phone Scavenger Hunt

First off, what phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8.

And what provider do you use? It’s a local one you wouldn’t know about, called Globe.

How long have you had your current phone? I can’t remember if it would be 3 or 4 years this 2021. Either way, it’s definitely been a while and I’ve been itching to upgrade. It’s too early to make such a big purchase, though.

Do you have any cases for it? Describe them. I have a clear case that I bought last year. Before that, I had a pink Otterbox case that I managed to destroy even though Otterbox is normally known for its durability. I just have a very unique ability to wreck everything I’ve ever owned lol.

How old were you when you got your first cellphone? I was technically 6, but it was meant to be a present for my 7th birthday. We threw a birthday party a month in advance because my dad had to fly back abroad for work before my actual birthday, but we wanted him to be present at the celebration so we decided throwing a party early was the best route.

What about your first smartphone? [If the answer is different] It was an iPhone 5S.

How old are you now? Dunno what this has to do with the theme of the survey but I am now 22.

Okay, move onto the scavenger hunt part

What is your lock screen picture of? It’s of Kim Seon Ho at a restaurant, lmao.

Home screen? It’s one of the shots from a recent promotional photoshoot Hayley did for Good Dye Young.

How many pictures are thre currently on your phone? This question just made me so anxious hahaha. I have way too many photos; and upon checking, it turns out I currently have 6,266. My god do I need to clean up my camera roll this weekend.

How many videos? I have 227. I have no idea it’s gotten to be this many; I barely use my phone to take videos. I’ll go ahead and delete some of them right now, just to give my phone (and its storage) space to breathe.

What is your most recent picture of? It’s a work thing...I guess I’ll explain it so it can make more sense. So one of our clients has got this Lent campaign going on, and to spread word about it we’ve tapped a handful of food bloggers to try out the offers themselves and post about their experience on social media. Now that we’re in the middle of Holy Week they’ve gone ahead and uploaded their own posts, and I’m in charge of taking screenshots so I can show to the client that the execution had been successful.

And the most recent video? It’s a private vlog. Every Sunday, or at least every other Sunday I take a few minutes to sit down and do a weekly video thing where I talk about my ~mental~ and ~emotional~ status, and it’s basically a way to be in touch with myself and keep track of my progress. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually get to uploading them one day.

Do you have any albums? If so, of what? Yeah. I have one for Cooper, one for Kimi, and a bunch of tiny albums I’ve made where I compiled 4–5 photos of friends to post on their birthdays.

What pictures have you favorited? I have a lot of favorited photos. There’s no required category for me to label them as such.

Do you have any shared albums with friends or family or work? No. I’m not sure if I can do that, or how to do it if it is allowed.

Do you have any alarms set? For what time and for what occasions? I have a bunch of alarms but only because they’re archived into the Clock app and I just haven’t gotten around to deleting them. When I was still new at my work, I used to have alarms set for certain work tasks I have to take note of every week – but now that I’ve gotten into the groove of things, I don’t need the alarms to be reminded about them anymore.

Check your weather app, what is the weather and temperature where you live? It says ‘Mostly Clear’ and shows a temperature of 26ºC.

Do you have the YouTube app? Do you have your own channel? I do have the app and my own account, but I never use it to post videos. It’s nice to have my own channel so that my homepage can be tailored to my interests.

Do you have an email app? Which one do you use? I just have the default Email app that comes with iOS, but I never use it because it’s so wonky. It doesn’t refresh new emails and it takes forever when it does, and it doesn’t always show the full thread of email conversations. If I absolutely need to check my email for something I usually have to pull out my laptop.

Does it say that there is an update available on your phone or any apps? Yes, it reminds me everyday hahaha. I don’t update unless Apple has been planning a big revamp with new features, though; and if the updates are just to address bugs, I disregard the reminders.

Go into your contacts, how many contacts do you have total? It says I have 178.

Name all of your contacts under the letter M: Feels a tad bit invasive, so I’ll just name five people I have under M: Lui, Kim, Patrice, Danika, and Andi.

Name all of your contacts under the letter U: I don’t have anyone under U.

Do you have any contacts that are businesses rather than people? Which ones? No, I don’t really use text to contact businesses. If I wanted to inquire or order from one, I usually head to their social media page.

Go into your notes, how many notes do you have saved? This is another one I have a hoarding problem with lol. My phone says I currently have 561 notes, though I’m fairly certain the biggest chunk of it comes from minutes I’ve taken down from work meetings. It was a whole lot less when I was still in school.

What kinds of things do you save in your notes? Like I said, I use Notes for taking down minutes from meetings. There are also a few surveys on there, from times I didn’t have internet and couldn’t post them on here.

Do you have any voice memos saved? What of? Yep. Some of them were recordings I had to do for journalism classes I was assigned to do voiceovers; some are interviews, also from my journ class; and the rest are of me rambling.

Do you ever use the calculator app? Pretty frequently for work.

Do you ever use the Maps app? Not really. If I needed directions, I would check out Waze for that.

Do you have any health/fitness apps? Which ones? I still have the Nike Training app from the very brief time I wanted to start working out earlier this year.

Do you have the Instacart app? The what now? I’ve never even heard of that.

What about a delivery service like Postmates, Uber Eats, Grubhub, Doordash? I have the McDelivery app for McDonald’s, but I also have other general delivery apps like Grab, Lalamove, and Transportify.

Do you have something like Venmo, Cashapp, or Paypal? I have the Paypal app but I never use it. I also have a couple of e-wallet apps just in case I’d have to use them as a payment method, since some businesses  I purchase from prefer certain ones. Ultimately, though, I use Grab’s mobile wallet the most often.

Do you use Bitmoji? I think I did before? I never used it all that regularly though. Didn’t see the point.

What other keyboards do you use besides English? Any? Filipino, Korean, and Emoji.

Which social media network apps do you have? Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Tumblr, TikTok, and Snapchat. So I guess I have all the main ones?

If you have Instagram, what is your handle and how many followers? I have a very private one I only use for work. I didn’t want it to have any followers but at present there’s Angela (because she asked to follow it this week) and Bea (idk why).

What do you typically post on the various social media platforms? The only ones I regularly post on are Twitter and Facebook, and on either I share life updates (if there are any) and memes; though on Facebook I have to watch out what kind of memes I share and make sure they aren’t too offensive because I’m friends with relatives, workmates, and media on there lmao. But on Twitter, I basically have no filter.

Do you make TikTok videos? I don’t make any myself, but I do enjoy going through the app.

Do you only add people you know on Facebook? Yes, for the most part. I’ve taken to adding people as long as they’re from UP or my high school even though I’ve never met them as well, but if I sense that they only added me to try and sell me insurance OR try to get me into MLM, then it’s an instant unfriend for me.

Do you have an app that tracks Instagram followers? No, because I don’t need to track my Instagram followers. I’m off the radar as off the radar gets.

Do you have a Snapchat? Yeah, it’s still on my phone just because but I literally never touch it anymore.

Do you ever take selfies with filters? What app's filters do you use? Eh, just before. I don’t really take selfies anymore, period.

Do you use any apps like Depop or Poshmark or Etsy? No. Out of these three I’ve only ever heard of Etsy, too.

What messengers do you use to talk to people? Any besides just texting? I have Messenger to stay in touch with family and friends; Whatsapp and Viber for work; and Telegram just in case my friends want to play games.

Do you have any photo editing apps? Which ones? I have this app called Foodie that has some pretty filters. Otherwise, since I’m not on Instagram anyway I’m never on the lookout for photo editing apps; no one ever filters their photos on Facebook and Twitter lol.

Do you have any games? Which ones? I do have a ton of games on my phone. I never play any of them, but I keep them just in case I get bored enough to start revisiting them. I have word games, drinking games, games similar to Heads Up! where one person will have to guess the word on the screen while the phone is on their forehead, and gimmicky games like 1010! and Candy Crush haha.

Do you have any rideshare apps like Lyft or Uber? I have Grab, which is a rideshare, parcel delivery, food delivery, and online grocery app all in one.

Now go to the actual phone app, whose phone numbers are saved as favorites? I don’t tag any of my contacts as favorites.

Who was your most recent outgoing call to? I can’t recognize the number, so it was probably a Transportify driver that I called to give him directions to my house.

Who was your most recent incoming call from? I also can’t recognize the number, but this time he was most likely a Grab driver.

Who was your most recent missed call from? Again, can’t recognize the number HAHAA

Why did you miss that call? On purpose? Were you sleeping? Busy? My phone is on silent 24/7, so I must have missed it while I was working.

Who is your most recent voicemail from and what's it regarding? We don’t have voicemail in the Philippines.

What was the last thing you Googled or searched on your phone? Candle tunneling and how to fix it.

What music app do you use? Apple Music? Spotify? Something else? I use Spotify, but I also availed of a 3-month trial on Apple Music earlier this year just because. I think it’s supposed to end soon but I have no plans to shift.

What playlists have you made on there? I have playlists called, “robyn discovers kpop,” “winding down,” “angst,” “not my loss,” and my personal favorite, “paramore but fuck you.”

Lastly, what is the most recent song/album you've added to your collection? What Type of X - Jessi.

[artbymesa]

Unforeseen Consequences

Admiral ZEX, The Captain, Dax

Suggestive themes but no “details”. (Not my kind of writing lol)

I’m really. not sure why my brain fixated on writing this. I was introduced to Star Control and Admiral ZEX by @zarla-s​ (hopefully this tag isn’t bothersome?). I was in the process of introducing him to some friends and it spurred the thought: Would ZEX even expect a human to respond positively to his advances? He’s probably gotten pretty articulate with deflecting rejection and criticism and judgement, but what if that wasn’t the case for once? How well would he handle it?

I apologize for however out of character or Not Canon this may be, but it was a thought that wouldn’t leave me alone until I wrote it down. And then after I started it, it got away from me. Its been a long, long time since I’ve wrote a fanfic whoo boy

I think I wrote this with the presumption of how it would take place if you could romance him in the game, and the consequences (for everyone) of that XD

“The scope of our relationship can grow as close as you wish.” Zex said with a foreign body language of bravado.

The Captain regarded him for a moment before leaning forward into the Admiral’s personal space, a grin pulling at the corner of their lips. “Oh? Close…how~….?”

Zex sputtered, caught off guard and overwhelmed by the human’s sudden, unexpected close proximity. A human had never so much as dared to tread within a couple feet of him, much less ever enough to feel their breath. He had grown rather bold with this certainty. Perhaps a measure of that was his own doing–  intentionally or not, his forthright tendencies wedging itself in between any opportunity. Being turned away, shrugged off or kept at a distance was the standard order of things. It was easy. It was predictable. And it had been so long, he never really expected that standard to be challenged. Needless to say, this threw him off.

Even still, he may have been a hopeless romantic, but he was no fool. He was aware of what the human stood to gain by winning him over. Manipulating him just to secure his military genius was low– but with a suspicious lack of human behavior like this ever before– not unheard of. He regained a brittle amount of composure, steeling over his words to obscure it. “Captain. If you intend to taunt me please do so in the way I am accustomed. I’ve hardened to the ridicule of my countrymen but faking interest in me is a different manner of cruel. If all you wish is for an alliance I am happy to oblige without the exploitation of my…weakness.”

The Captain challenged his words and moved a little closer, resting a relaxed arm on the admiral’s desk and shrugged. “I’m not faking, Zex.”

The admiral stared at it, then up at the captain when they said his name informally. Anyone else he may have corrected, but there was a warmth to it from the human that he so badly wanted to indulge. He had to confess, he had fantasized about similar circumstances and how he would conduct himself, but now that it was actual happening, he froze. He was usually so articulate but words escaped him, he was usually so well composed but this human had a way with disrupting it like a house of cards. As much as it currently worked against him, it was new to him. Exciting.

Reality began to sink in when the human didn’t recoil their appendage away, instead looked at him expectantly for a response. The gesture wasn’t an error. It was intentional. Even despite their lack of tendrils, humans had such a way with expressing emotion. It was one of the things he loved most about them. This one was a challenge to read, but everything he could gather from them seemed genuine. Which meant…

He struggled for a moment, realizing the position he had put himself in before laughing nervously. “Would you look at this? The first time a human reciprocates interest and even I succumb to a measure of my people’s distrust. You must forgive me, Captain. It has been a long time…” The admiral seemed to fight with some kind of internal conflict for a moment before the human settled it for him.

They reached out, dexterous fingers closing over his arm tendril in a comforting gesture. Their hand was warm, far warmer to the touch than he anticipated.

“You don’t have to apologize.”

Before the admiral could speak, the human was standing. And before he could ask if he had done something wrong, they were on his side of the desk.

A lot of things began to happen at once, and he opposed none of them.

-

“Zex?” The human asked, pulling on their robes not a moment before the admiral could take in one last look at their beautifully crafted anatomy akin to a living, breathing sculpture. They truly were a unique work of art forged from the galaxy and experiencing them so up close was a privilege.  The captain’s question was what pulled him out of his trance.

“Mmm?”The human studied the quiet planet outside from the window. Pensive observation stirred a thought that pricked the edge of their brow. They had such a world of emotion hidden behind subtle changes in their features. But interpretation was a different story.

“How much do you actually know about humans?”

It was a good thing VUX couldn’t blush.

“Admittedly, Captain, much more now than I did an hour ago.”

The human gave a kind but cheeky grin, looking down as if it helped them compose their words differently. Their “smile” as it were, had been toothy and startling when he first witnessed it. It contradicted what he otherwise should have interpreted as some kind of feral threat display. This was so very different. It was tender and warm, and it melted a part of him he didn’t know existed. Since then, he had been compelled to incite it as often as he could. They seemed to respond best with his banter and advances, which was a pleasure in and of its own.

“I’m serious. Be honest.”

The admiral thought for a moment.

“I know that your people are beautiful. And very clever. And resourceful. I know you are a uniquely hardy species. I’ve heard the stories of your people surviving conditions that would have easily killed others by shock alone. As I’m sure you know by now, my countrymen do not share my appreciation. They think you grotesque.”

“What else have they said about us?”

“They may have mentioned that you are stubborn. And reckless.”

“Do you believe them?”

“….I am beginning to consider it.”

“Perhaps you should.”

There was a pause.

“Why do you ask me this now?”

The Captain was quiet momentarily, but returned to Zex. Perhaps it was touch starvation, but he hadn’t realized how much he craved it until the captain returned to settling a hand against what equated to his own. They didn’t make eye contact just yet.

“The Ur Quan enslaved my people. What’s left of them.”

“Oh. Oh, dear. I was not aware. I am sorry, perhaps I’ve lived in isolation longer than I thought. I suppose that explains the lack of human visitors.” The gears began to turn. “But you arrived here in an armed starship. You weren’t given clearance to leave either, were you? You cannot be planning what I think you are planning. Captain, resisting the Ur Quan is madness.”

“And my visit here is a direct violation to your people’s alliance with the Ur Quan. I suppose if nothing else, reputation is accurate.” The human sighed. “You mentioned an alliance but I can’t expect that of you. You would be labeled a traitor. Your people already have enough reason to kill you without my interference as it is.”

“I am not attached to this planet, Captain. Nor interaction with my people, unfortunately.”

“If you think VUX are bigoted, you’ve not met enough humans.”

“How do you mean?”

“My peoples’ entire history is built on conflict and persecution. Our biggest challenge has always been coexisting with eachother. It’s a harsh lense to see it through, but that in mind it wouldn’t be fair to ask you to come with me either. Even if we do win the war, your help or not, life on Earth afterward would never be peaceful. They’ve done far more to their own people over far less. They’d tear you apart.”

“You’re suggesting this shouldn’t last.”

“I’m suggesting that we consider everything involved before this gets complicated.”

The admiral was quiet for a moment in thought. The human brought up a lot of good points, much to his displeasure. But that wasn’t going to deter him so easily.

“While I must commend the forethought, you are forgetting that tactical improvisation in dangerous situations is my specialty. Besides, this planet has always been more of a prison than a place of retirement—no matter how they attempted to sell it me. I saw through it. The whole reason I am here, Captain, is because I refused to be someone I am not. I can assure you. I would rather pursue an opportunity for a life worth living and the one that I want, however that is defined, than to live out my days rotting on this planet in fear. It would simply go against everything I stand for. I would join you on your travels… if you’d have me.”

The human sighed realizing he likely wasn’t going to let it go— not after making a conclusion like that. Not that they truly wanted to refuse him anyway.

That smile returned—quieter, more subtle this time. Almost somber. They reached over to the side of his face and stroked with the back of their hand. His eye closed, leaning into the touch with some measure of tension fading from his posture.

“I suppose it makes it easier when we’re not investing in another bunk on board.” The human teased. “And after all this is over, Alpha Cerenkov I can’t be the only one of its kind in the galaxy.”

The admiral’s shoulders relaxed, and an arm curled around the captain’s.

“We have some time to prepare.  My countrymen visit occasionally to exchange supplies and resources but they’ve been scarce lately and I do not think they know you are here. Fortunately the others that live here permanently are—“

“Sir, I didn’t hear the human’s departure and it’s been awfully quiet, are you o-.OHMY-“ After entering through the door, Dax dropped and shattered what seemed to previously be some kind of beverage he was holding before scrambling to shield his eye.

“Dax!? Have you no sense to knock?!”

“I did NOT see what I think I just saw.“ He nearly pleaded. "Tell me that isn’t what’s going on here. Admiral, I swear to–”

“Who is—?“

“My sub commander.” Zex retrieved and put on a robe of his own irritably before standing. “Who very rudely barged in unannounced, I might add.”

Dax carefully peeked open his eye, as if unsure if it was alright to look. “Excuse me sir, but the very last thing I expected to walk in on was—…“ Something like a grimace contorted Dax’s features.

“I do not need your approval, Dax. Besides, I thought you more open-minded than this.”

“So this is what I think it is. You have to be joking.” He finally looked, though now had a somewhat exasperated and heated posture. “Sure, maybe I don’t hate humans but to be involving yourself with—…“ his eye swiveled from the bed to the human, then back to Zex with a more bitter grimace. “What will the council think?”

“The council will not think anything if they don’t hear of it.”

"With all due respect sir, this– this had gone way too far. This is going to get you killed!”

“Mind. Your. Place. Dax.”

The sub commander’s posture recoiled slightly. His superior may have been reckless, blinded, mad and a hedonist, but he was also well respected and rightly earned it. Dax was as loyal as they came, even if the admiral absolutely exhausted him at times. This was easily in the top three of those.

“…I’m sorry, sir. I understand the council put you here to pursue your…‘lifestyle’–.”

“That’s what I’m doing, aren’t I?”

Dax laughed, uneasy. “Sure, but I highly doubt they expected it possible for you to ever actually–”

Zex sighed stubbornly and looked off, the sub commander’s words stinging a bit. It gave Dax pause to reword, but Zex spoke before he could.

“Please excuse me, captain. I’ll take care of this.”

The two of them left the room and shut the door behind them.

“Sir…even if they don’t find out which they obviously will, how do you expect to keep this up? If this gets back to our home planet they’ll make an example of you. They’ve been placated this long knowing you’re not influencing the public but as soon as it starts to get out of their hands it could cause an uprising. How long has this been going on?”

“If you must pry, I’ve spoken with them on recent occasions but this was the first time we–”

“Eugh. No. Stop. That’s enough.” He winced and interrupted. “So you’re telling me you don’t even know this human very well. You don’t know if they have an ulterior motive for all of this.”

“Actually, Dax, the human initially agreed with you. They were ready to leave for the sake of my safety and that would have been that. But I was who convinced them otherwise. They wouldn’t have initiated what they did or gone as far as they did if their intentions were to take advantage of me. If you were violently repulsed by the very appearance of an alien, don’t you think having sex with them would be a last resort? ”

“Sir, please—“Dax cringed, waving his arms to stop him but Zex continued.

“And if you must insist on doing this now—“ He huffed and straightened himself. “I’ve decided to join them. I’m leaving Alpha Cerenkov. The human plans to resist the Ur Quan.”

“Have you gone completely mad?! What about the fleet? I hope you realize the position you’re putting them in if they question them. If they question me. They’ll suspect us traitors. I didn’t swear an oath to your loyalty with the intention of breaking it. If I refuse to give them what they want…”

“If you and the rest of the fleet do not intend to join us, then perhaps the less you know the better.” The admiral turned back to the door, but Dax stopped him. There was a pause.

“I hope you’re sure about this…”

“There are few things I’ve been surer of.”

Dax sighed deeply.

“Just…wait. Don’t do anything reckless. I’ll talk with the fleet.”

[lightbringcr]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

tagged by: i stole this from @cutmystrxngs tagging: anyone!!

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au ( dependent on verse ) / canon-divergent / fandomless 

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO. 

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. ( I have no clue. I know a lot of people that find her attractive, and a lot of people who don’t. *shrug* )

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES? / NO / IDK. ( Maybe not physically, like compared to Garen, but she’s definitely strong emotionally. She’s learned to love herself at least and accept change & what not. )

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE ? (Main story? I can say that she was a big part of the Demacia changes, considering she’s the only ‘mage’ they’ve chosen to acknowledge and intertwined besides Sylas (give me Sona lore please.) but other than that, if you don’t care about Demacia, it’s not really the main story.)

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. (She may be Riot’s poster girl, but she still isn’t the main character. See above.)

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE ? ( I’m assuming only Demacia (obv) & Noxus really know about the Crownguards or at least have heard of them. Demacia is sort of isolationist & so I don’t see her being known around the world. Maybe in older lore, when she was out and about on missions and actually spying. New lore, probably not. If they had heard of Crownguards, they’d probably think of Garen first. )

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. ( Depending on who you ask. )

How strictly do you follow canon?  — I really try to stick to canon, but of course there needs to be some leniency in my opinion. If I very strictly followed canon, I think I’d be bored LOL. I like trying to mix a bit of old Lux’s personality with new ( since I was deeply in love with her before the lore changes. ) and try my best to make her unique. New Lux is definitely fake in a different way as it is with hiding a secret, but old Lux being two-faced, resentful and cold resonated with me. That being said, I still respect the canon, because I like the direction they’ve taken with Demacia. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Lux is already an inquisitive, curious person, so it’d be easy for her to find any way to interact with people / muses she already deems interesting. She wants to see and experience the world for herself, and she’s rather friendly ( unless you somehow show her that you aren’t. ) so it’s easy to make friends with her!! She tends to break traditions and rebel against the standards / life that was set up for her. She loves learning, especially about people, so she’ll have a grand time with your muse -- that is, if you like slow burn / any relationship development. All in all, she is a sweet, adventurous and sassy girl. She wants to meet all kinds of different souls. Need I say more?

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  — I don’t know. I’m biased and totally love her. But some people might find her a bit annoying, or look at her on a surface level and assume that’s all there is to her or find she’s airheaded. A peppy, light mage who spews bullshit about positivity and what not. Faking it to make it. Or what have you. I dunno, I think she’s telling herself to stay positive more than anyone else. She also doesn’t have a tragic backstory, she grew up quite nicely and I’m surprised her mother didn’t shove the annuller at her and just let her sass her like that. She was lucky, to say the least, in comparison to Sylas, and she’s quite young, literally doesn’t have any life experience compared to other champions. Maybe some people find her cliche and overrated.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  — I wrote her way back when in 2012. Or something like that. Fell in love immediately with her upon reading her judgment in the JoJ and wanted to give RPing a try. Took a break for a while and decided to take a step back from her, to see where I wanted to go with her. She’s absolutely my favorite character, let alone champion. Still love her to this day! 

What keeps your inspiration going?  — MUSIC. Honestly, music helps my muse so much. Any song that reminds me of her or any ship I have with her, or any song that reminds me of a hardship she’s faced, it helps so much. And obviously, my friends here. They are always so supportive of me. Heck, I might not play her as much anymore in League, but she still has a special place in my heart.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES …? / NO. ( I think so, but I doubt myself ALL THE TIME, or think I could change something else about her, or make her more likable. I think... she’s alright for the most part? )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( Sometimes a random headcanon will spring to my mind and I’ll need to write it down. Most of the time, I don’t bother writing it down since I need to consider it more. Or I think too hard about it and think ‘ nah, that’s not right. ’  )

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. ( I used to write them a LOT MORE. Years ago. About Ez/Lux. Now I kinda write them in my Google Drive. )

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO. ( She’s too cute. )

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO. ( Half & half. I’m always wondering if I’m messing it up or making her too nice or forgiving. If that is even such a thing.  )

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. ( I think my writing is okay for the most part, I do want to work on descriptions / using more detail and similes/metaphors in my writing. )

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. ( Yes. I get emotional for a lot of things. )

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  — If it’s constructive and about my WRITING, then yes. Portrayal doesn’t matter to me too much. One person can have an opinion about how Muse A would react to a certain event, and another person could have a different one. It’s all subjective at that point imo, unless it’s obviously something that a majority of people agree on. But I’m not going to bring people down for their portrayal and I expect people not to do that to me either. If you simply don’t like my portrayal, you don’t have to follow/interact. There’s plenty of different potrayals of Lux too, so I’d be confused if someone felt the need to hark on me about it. It’s really that simple.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  — Yes!! They let me think about small details or situations that I wouldn’t really think about otherwise. I love them.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  — Sure. I’m open to discussions, in case I missed something that was said by Riot or something along those lines. But if it’s something that wasn’t explicitly stated, like Lux’s favorite dessert or whatever, I doubt we’ll change our minds. We can agree to disagree.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  — Shrug. As I said above, that’s their opinion and how they see Lux. Everyone sees her differently. I’d probably be a little offended, because I put work into her, but that’s about the only thing. 

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  — Shrug. They wouldn’t be the first nor the last person to tell me they hate Lux, whether it’s because she’s too popular and gets all the skins, or that she’s basic, or whatever. I really don’t care?? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion of her. Just please don’t shove it in my face if you hate her or bother talking to me about it. If you love her, please DO shove it in my face. 

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  — Yes, sure. I always welcome feedback. I also know I use too many commas and am trying to work on that, but yes. If you could help me improve my writing in a NICE way, then I welcome it.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  I think so. I don’t like rushing people or demanding their time. I’m also open to writing any plots or ideas you have in mind. The only reason I won’t like you is if you obviously disrespect me. 

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

[fandomplethora]

mystic messenger webtoon

(repost since my last post disappeared OTL) 

LONG POST

warning: unorganized, rambling thoughts lol. (i’m all over the place right now, guys)

you guys. i have never been more excited and more *terrified* in my life.

let’s break it down.

it is officially announced that mystic messenger, as a webtoon, will be returning to us on april 11th. the prologue has already been released today.

LINK BUT HAHA IT’S ALL IN KOREAN T_T

from what i have been able to read *very briefly* is that there is no plan for an english (or any other language) translation just yet. it will be released on bookcube, a pay to read site.

(someone on reddit mentioned a hope that it may come to tappytoon or tapas? but there is no confirmation of any other site besides bookcube.)

that being said - we have *wonderful* people in this fandom already ready with some english translations! at the very least :’)  

B O O M

creds, yo

let’s go into my (personal) negative outlooks first! (maybe i shouldn’t use an exclamation point when talking somewhat negatively...)

1. (not super negative) b u t - our mc is different. :,( i’m just attached to the idea of mc w/ bangs and long brown hair - the gold eyes. while other mc’s have made their way into art and ect...the mc from the game is the most popular one. i don’t understand the need for the change...besides to perhaps build upon this new version of the story with a brand new character. because mc *like this*, in this format, is a new character. she will, hopefully, have her own personality and traits and maybe backstory? even a minor one. b u t that could also, in the eyes of some people, be a negative...and, to others, a positive. we, as players, have been the mc this entire time so while good ending mc is looked at as, mainly, canon - which brings some fundamental characteristics to her character such as being empathetic, kind and...holy shit, incredibly *flexible* (like, apartment bomb? “nbd.” brand new group of people? “dope, let’s be friends.” cult? “well, what are we gonna do about it then.” mc, are you okay? mc: “are y o u g u y s okay tho?”)  mc has not had her own story. does this mean she will now? now we may get new traits on top of those, a unique personality to who t h i s character is.

SIDE NOTE: *SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE* ya’ll, holy shit...is MC getting a name? she has to get a name now. AAAAA, okay this may go another direction and i may just have another character in this damn story i’d willingly throw myself in front of a car for. dAMN IT.

2. okay, it somewhat makes sense that saeyoung would NOT be there in the introduction of the four to this mc shown in the webtoon prologue. same with jihyun. of course, with saeran. but my fear is...i want equal relationship development with every character. unless they are approaching this in a “reset” type of way...(which i’m not sure if they will tbh).

from, my guess, the already meeting of them (all at the same time) shows us that we may just be on one big route with almosteverything included? which i am down for. but...then do it like that, right? bring saeyoung and jihyun into the picture, as well, more consistently. bring vanderwood in too due to his major role in saeyoung’s route, the secret endings and the entirety of another story. (y’know? what could be considered the “main plotline” that affects everyone in mm.)  he IS a part of it. also, more moments with saeran. perhaps we will get (new) more mint eye scenes? a type of back and forth?

i’m really not trying to dictate how this story should go. i really am interested in this new take and what it may come with. but i just want...everyone there, y’know? i want those relationships equally delved into - how we all got to know them as we completed all routes and other dlc’s on the game.

3. i’m just...kind of scared of being disappointed. or *too much* changing. or...characters being made out in a way they are not? if that makes sense. i’m not trying to set it up for that...to play some “i’ve been here over three years and i know more than you” type of role, haha. they can bring in all of the angst from the game...but maybe change a few things to handle it better? deeper? make sure characters are more universally okay? add some things in too if you want! i also understand if not everything makes it in.

but they have a chance of really reigniting the fandom and also growing it. mm is a wonderful story that does capture your heart. and cheritz has done a lot of good, more good than bad in my eyes (personally!)...but also...sometimes have messed up too. i just want them to do the game, the characters and themselves justice.

P O S I T I V I T Y T I M E

1. okay, guys. c’mon. this mc is super cute UwU (not that that is what it’s all about lol) but i’m hoping we get to know her as a new character with unique traits. i’m excited to see her added into the story and for her interactions. we should all root for her! because we have allll been her shoes already, guys. <3 (also, as someone else pointed out, peep that bisexual bob, ya’ll.) let’s do this!

2. THE ART STYLE IS A M A Z I N G. they ALL look so good to me. i saw them and immediately went “there they are”. :’) kind of got emotional, ngl.

3. i do believe in one positive change that is going to happen! we are meeting them *right away* at least from what i can tell from this panel -

i think this makes sense in order to see the story in this form (and i even said this so long ago in another post when musing about changes if they ever made mm into a tv show). meeting them right away makes sense. and i am glad they are doing it this way! that made me excited to see. (and now you guys know what i mean about every character, hopefully, getting the part they deserve in this webtoon that i mentioned earlier.)

4. so, i may be getting ahead of myself and i am NOT trying to continually ask for more and more. but the fact that this game became a webtoon...means it could become a show one day. perhaps this is a way to test the waters? feel it out and see where things go. either way though, a webtoon happening (all on it’s own) is beyond exciting.

5. there will be new additions to this fandom! just the other day (and, as i’m sure, many of us feel too) i just miss this game and fandom so much. i’m not ready for it to just be over, i think. mystic messenger meant, it means, so much to me - so much to others. it is a wonderful story, a different approach to this genre while including important themes and filled with i n c r e d i b l e characters. things are not perfect but maybe...this can be the boost we all need again. and i am excited to welcome people into this fandom!

let’s all be kind to each other.

final thoughts;

i’m probably going to hunting down a translation all over the place on april 11th (and every release following, haha). i hope we do see this story translated in numerous languages - to include our, truly, worldwide fandom. i will be reading this and i am excited for this new part and chapter of this fandom and story! to see it this way and read it as such. i’m glad to see a boost to this fandom and to find my love for mystic messenger again...and hopefully others will too!

overall - THANK YOU, CHERITZ. and while i am incredibly nervous - i am going to remain (mostly) positive and excited! and only *slightly* skeptical.

i’d love to hear anyone else’s thoughts and discuss more about this.

and i can’t wait to see you all (and welcome even more) into the messenger again. <3

until then!

oh, and also...

...same, mc. same.

[nadziejastar]

@Disney and SQ: Make LeaIsa canon u cowards. They had so much chemistry and history it would be make sense.

Saïx and Axel’s Fascinating, Complex, Beautiful and Extremely Well-Written Relationship

Write more about LeaIsa? Don’t mind if I do. YES! It’s such an underrated relationship, probably because of how poorly it was treated in canon. I would pay so much money to see it actually done justice in canon. And I rarely get invested in fictional ships to this degree. You’re right about their history together. It’s another reason I like LeaIsa so much. It’s the only Lea ship that I saw any evidence for. Axel’s relationship with Saïx is so unlike any other relationship in the series. I just found it so complex, unique, compelling, and mature in the way it was written. Seriously, it’s one of the most touching fictional relationships I’ve ever seen. And it’s written with such subtlety.

The writers force you to read between the lines, instead of spelling everything out for you. That made it even better, since it never once felt cheesy or forced. But with almost everyone I’ve talked to outside of Tumblr, the importance of Saïx and Axel’s relationship went right over their head. One person I talked to even said that the introduction of their past friendship felt pointless; simply an excuse to give Axel more “drama” in Days. Which was sad for me to hear.

It’s why I am so bitter that this relationship got shafted by the story as badly as it did. It’s such an insult to everything the writers accomplished. Unfortunately, I know many people in real life who would…not react well if they found out that Axel loved another male.

I can’t help but think that was a factor in why their relationship was handled so poorly, even platonically. It’s just so stupid to me, though. What a waste. It’s such a shame that stuff like this happens when creators try to step outside the box with their characters. There’s a real lack of healthy male/male intimacy in fiction, especially when it’s handled with actual maturity. It’s why I loved the KH2 ending with Sora and Riku so much. But hey, I still give gotta them credit for trying and almost succeeding.

As much as I loved the Roxas/Axel/Xion friendship, it was clear that Axel was the “dad” of the group. He was only half-joking about babysitting them. I feel even more strongly about this now than I did when I first played these games. It’s been 10 years since I first played Days and now I’m a bit closer to Axel in age than Roxas, lol. I don’t think Lea’s story could have ended truly happily unless he had another adult around him that he was close to.

Lea: In memories, you live forever, you know?

Isa: Well, you may be a really small part of my memories, but at least you’ll never disappear.

Lea: I’m SO flattered.

Isa: You’re such a pain.

I agree that they had a LOT of chemistry during their interactions. What I liked about Isa was that he was an equal to Lea. Someone his own age. He gave us an opportunity to see how Lea would interact with someone he could relate to as a peer, instead of as a mentor. Plus Isa was said to be very smart and mature for his age, which is probably why he didn’t seem to have many friends. And Lea was definitely much more on the intellectual/philosophical side compared to someone like Roxas or Sora.

He was a 15-year-old who talked about wanting to live forever in people’s memory, after all. I think that’s why Isa liked him so much. He was outgoing, very friendly, and smart, to boot. He’s the whole package. I used the Japanese translation for that scene since it made them seem even more flirtatious. I found way Lea joked with Isa to be so…cute. He just never smiled or acted that way with anyone else.

And I felt the same way when Isa smiled during that scene. I could tell he admired Lea’s outlook on life. He likes how he wants to make every interaction with others meaningful. He probably feels the same way, though he has a harder time showing it. Isa obviously does not have many people that he feels comfortable opening up to. I always got the feeling that Lea was very special to him. I don’t have trouble believing that Isa was intended to sacrifice himself for Lea. Not at all.

Roxas: I found out about love on today’s mission–that it’s something powerful.

Axel: That’s true. It is. But I’ll never get to experience it.

Besides, you don’t just give a character dialogue like this, and then NOT have them find true love. I mean, come on now.

Riku: Heh, I sometimes envy how simple your world is.

Sora: Is…that a compliment?

Riku: I envy whatever makes you think it could be.

Sora: Gee, thanks.

Isa and Lea had a somewhat similar dynamic to Riku and Sora. One was an introvert and the other was way more extroverted. I loved seeing the effect Sora had on Riku. It was very sweet. But no offense to Sora…Lea and Isa gave me the impression that they were much more intellectual equals, compared to him and Riku. I doubt you would ever see conversations like this between them, for instance. So for me, they struck a perfect balance. They were opposites, but still very similar.

It was such a sincere question that Axel barely swallowed a laugh. The evidence was right there; Roxas wouldn’t be thinking of anything else.

“’Cos you’re relatively simple,” Axel replied. “Well, most Nobodies are.”

Despite being the “cheerful” one, Lea’s world was anything but simple. He’s not unfailingly optimistic and he has a very prominent dark side. He might make friends very easily, but I could tell that he had a strong desire to form very deep emotional connections that are rare and don’t come easily. So Lea and Isa complemented each other very well.

“It’s just… I’ve always wondered why we’re here, on this island. If there are other worlds out there, why did we end up on this one?”

Now I think it was because we had to be there to meet each other. And if this really is the end of all the worlds, I don’t mind fading out here.

“If the world is made of light and darkness…we can be the darkness.”

Beside him, Sora looked at the sea and idly stretched his legs. “Yeah. The other side, the realm of light…it’s safe now. Kairi and the king and the others are there.”

Even without us, the worlds will be okay, he thought as he gazed at the horizon. I don’t mind becoming part of the darkness, if I’m with Riku.

I still love Sora, though. No matter how many Disney worlds he went to, he never forgot Riku. I’m sure Isa was envious at times of Lea’s ability to instantly make friends with everyone. Isa only came out of his shell around Lea. He doesn’t get close to people easily. I’m sure he had as many insecurities as Riku had, if not more. He probably was clingy, even. But I doubt Lea would mind. I’m sure that he felt like no matter how many friends he made, he could have deeper conversations with a shy introvert like Isa than he could with anyone else.

Axel: Nothing lasts forever, man. Least of all for a bunch of Nobodies. But you know, we’ll still have each other…even if things change and we can’t do this anymore.

Roxas: Yeah?

Axel: As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?

Roxas: Ha ha, wow, Axel. That sounded ridiculous.

Axel: What? I thought it was pretty deep.

To me, Axel always came across as extremely intelligent, with a lot of inner depth and complexity. But he always kept his true feelings bottled up inside.

Roxas grinned. “Who are you, and what have you done with Axel?”

“Hey! I tried, okay?” All that effort to cheer them up, and they just turned it into a punch line. Chagrined, he looked away.

Xion burst into giggles, and then, as if it was contagious, Roxas started laughing, too.

“Oh, c’mon, it’s not that funny!” Axel scolded.

They paused, looked at each other, and giggled again.

“I don’t know why I put up with this…”

In the novel, he actually was pretty hurt and embarrassed during that scene, because he was being 100% serious.

Pence: Do you guys think we’ll always be together like this?

Olette: I sure hope so.

Hayner: Huh? Where did that come from?

Pence: Oh, well, you know. Just thinking out loud.

Hayner: Well, I doubt we can be together forever. But isn’t that what growing up’s all about? What’s important isn’t how often we see each other, but how often we think about each other. Right?

Pence: Get that off a fortune cookie?

Hayner: That’s it, no more ice cream for you!

Of course, I found it interesting how Roxas was later put in such a similar position to Axel. All these things happening to him that he can’t talk about with his friends. Being told he was never supposed to existand entering an existential crisis. The time when he would relate to Axel the most is when he doesn’t even remember him.

But to address the main topic of this post, I must say: Axel and Saïx’s whole relationship in the novels is just so excellent. I always liked it in the games, but the novels made me appreciate it on a whole new level. I was reading them for the first time a while ago, and I swear, I couldn’t help but pick up VERY strong romantic vibes between Axel and his memories of Isa. It’s not that I was looking for it, either. I wasn’t. It just really, really jumped out at me.

“Well, I think you can be inseparable, even if you’re apart,” said Axel.

Roxas and Xion shared a look.

“…Even if you’re apart,” Roxas murmured.

They trailed off, and this time Axel finished his ice cream. So he started talking again. “It’s like, if you feel really close to each other. Like best friends.”

Followed by…

“Love is what happens when there’s something really special between people.”

“More special than friends? Like…if they’re best friends? Inseparable?”

“Well, you can care about your friends, but that’s not exactly it…” Axel paused, groping for words that might make sense to Roxas.

“So it’s a step above best friends?”

“No—it’s not about steps.”

The wording was just so…intentional. Axel was obviously thinking about Isa when he was talking about best friends being inseparable, even when they’re apart. And he was obviously thinking about Isa when he said that as long as he has memories, he’d never have to be apart from anyone. Then Roxas uses the exact same words when he asks him about love. There was no way it was just a coincidence.

I was like, “Am I crazy, or are the writers trying to imply that Lea was in love with Isa?” Then I read the rest of the novel, and I’m like, “Damn, I guess they really are”. I swear, the novels are what totally convinced me that the writers genuinely viewed them as a romantic pairing. And then when I looked at the 358/2 Days weapons, I was like, “Okay, I guess I’m not crazy after all.”

I am working on a meta about the symbolism of Luxord’s Tarot cards. It’s just…incredible how the Fool’s Journey that’s depicted in those cards, follows Axel and Saïx’s character arcs so perfectly. There was so much care put into that relationship. I’m sure that the Tarot cards had meaning for everyone’s else’s weapons and character arcs, as well. But since we never actually get to learn that much about the other Organization members, it’s harder to interpret whatever meaning they have. There was more than enough with Saïx and Axel to read between the lines and see a whole arc. But Marluxia and Vexen? Eh, not so much.

“You mean I can’t talk to you unless I want something?”

“I didn’t mean that, but it’s—” a hassle. But if I say that, it looks like she’ll make it even more of a hassle. Axel shut his mouth. “Why are you talking to me? There are heaps of other people to talk to.”

“I don’t want to talk to rough old men,” Larxene clearly intoned.

“If that’s so—there’s Demyx, or Marluxia, who joined just before you did. And then there’s Zexion. There’s also Saïx, in a way—”

I found it interesting how Axel related to women. He talks about how you can’t push the wrong buttons with girls. Larxene touches his face in Re:CoM and his reaction is so annoyed. And then there’s the way he reacts when she flirts with him in the novel. Yeah, I know Larxene is a bitch and that really doesn’t prove anything. But those scenes felt like they were meant to show how Axel just isn’t interested in women that way. Also I like how he says, “in a way” when he refers to Saïx. Well, I guess he is young at least. However, while we’re on that subject…

Demyx: Who’s ready for a vacation? I’m ready for a vacation.

Axel: Saïx only gives days off when he’s in a good mood. Which is never.

…I found Axel’s dynamic with Saïx so fascinating due to their shared history. Saïx always has the most dead, lifeless expressions on his face. I think it hurt Axel deeply to see how miserable he was all the time. Axel must have assumed his condition was the result of the trauma caused by the experiments and losing his heart. After all, Nobodies typically have the same basic personality they had as humans. And Isa was not cold and robotic.

Indeed, Axel is all too aware of Saïx’s total emotional emptiness and he’s rather introspective about the whole issue. He reflects on it rather frequently in the novels.

“Shouldn’t you already be out on your mission, Axel?” Saïx interrupted.

Mission? Saïx hadn’t given him his assignment yet. Axel blinked up at him, and Saïx stared back.

Oh. Axel felt a little bit sorry for Saïx and his inability to lie.

Saïx can’t even fake emotion enough to tell convincing lies. At least Axel can do that much. He genuinely feels sorry for him.

In a way, Saïx put more effort than any of them into pretending he had a heart, Axel thought. And yet, he was more lacking than any of them.

Here too. Saïx is more lacking than any of them. He’s the only one who was turned into a vessel against his will, so he can’t just nurture a new heart like everyone else.

After watching them go, Axel stretched and turned to Saïx, expecting to see a scowl. But the expression had left Saïx’s face, leaving him as dispassionate as usual.

Of course, he had been faking it in the first place. Nobodies had no hearts; they only imitated what emotions they remembered. The very proof of their emptiness showed how desperately they each longed for a heart.

Axel probably did the same thing himself without noticing, and yet, for some reason, when Saïx did it—or actually, any of the others—it seemed so out of place.

None of the others in the Organization were that bad, though. They all had personalities and didn’t have to try so hard to fake one. And we know that they could grow hearts.

Saïx had no time for all these deliberately oblique remarks from Xigbar. “Nonsense. I see no problem whatsoever.”

Xigbar only laughed louder. “Pa-ha-ha! No, apparently you don’t!”

“Something you find amusing?”

“Oh, the things you hear from a guy with no heart,” Xigbar said through his hilarity.

None of us have hearts, Saïx was about to remind him, when Xemnas spoke again.

All except Saïx. No, he was unique, even among Nobodies.

He’d never deluded himself that tracking down Riku would be easy, and neither had Saïx. It was just that if he went back and reported that he couldn’t find anything, he would have to deal with those attempts at “personality”—the sneers, the snide remarks, the only trappings of human emotion that Saïx ever showed.

He tries so hard to have a “personality” that it’s actually very unsettling for Axel to witness. Yet, it was the only human emotions he ever showed. Because he’s nothing but an extension of Xehanort, with no heart of his own. He literally can’t connect with anyone or experience any emotion other than flat, numb, dispassionate misery.

“Don’t let us down now, kiddo. Shouldn’t be too much trouble without a heart,” Xigbar told Saïx.

Saix was a very tragic character. He became the way he is when he was just a kid, too. This is thrown in our face time and time again, so I was extremely surprised at the direction they took with his character in KH3. It made absolutely NO sense whatsoever.

In a room made of white marble, a large mirror reflected Demyx as he prepared to leave for the mission. He took particular care with his hairstyle, painstakingly manipulating the brown strands with a comb to make them stand straight up.

Saïx observed him from behind with what appeared to be distaste. In stark contrast to Demyx, Saïx left his long blue hair unstyled. The X-shaped scar on his forehead was all the style he needed.

“What d’you want? I’m kinda busy.” Irritated, Demyx turned around.

Instead of responding, the other man simply disappeared.

“Excuse me?!” Demyx shouted at the space where Saïx had been standing.

I doubt Saïx had any clue how uncomfortable he made Demyx. He just didn’t have the emotional capacity to pick up on things like that.

“No… Kingdom Hearts…” He opened his arms, bathed in the moonlight. “Where is my heart…?”

He dissolved into dark mist and faded from existence.

I don’t think Saïx was really Isa, and I think his and Axel’s relationship was very unhealthy, obviously. BUT. Axel thought Saïx was Isa and tried to relate to him as such. And that tells you a few things. Axel clearly thought of Saïx as someone who could understand his pain in a way nobody else could. And Saïx was a pretty miserable character. Even Sora couldn’t help but feel sorry for him when he called out for his heart. And back then, Sora thought Nobodies weren’t even capable of feeling anything. Yet, other than Axel, Saïx was the only Organization member whose disappearance left him genuinely sad.

All of it disgusted him. Saïx looked up at the skyscrapers, tracking Axel’s presence. He wanted a heart more than anything. But what could he do to get one? Here he was, yearning for a heart so badly, while Axel had managed to gain one without doing anything at all.

The blue-haired man had been the very first to join the organization after the founding members. He should have been special. The way number 13—Roxas, wielder of the Keyblade—was special. Axel was not. And yet…He remembered what the witch Naminé had said.

Axel seemed lonely. The man himself had denied it, but she was absolutely right. Axel was lonely. He’d lost Roxas.

Lonely. Didn’t that mean he had a heart? How had he gained one? Why only him? Was it an effect of his contact with the boy, or was there something else at work? He had no idea…

Saïx was jealous of Axel…but not quite in the way KH3 depicted. He was jealous of his ability to grow a heart. He was jealous that Axel even had the capacity to feel the loneliness of losing a friend. Saïx yearned for a heart more than anything. I can’t think of a single reason he would willingly join the Organization after being re-completed. It’s not even possible to describe how out-of-character that was.

Saïx collapsed to his knees. “Ngh— How much longer…?” He groaned through clenched teeth. “Kingdom Hearts… Will your strength never be mine?”

I think Roxas felt sorry for him too, after his defeat. He had the perfect opportunity to take him out, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. There’s no way Roxas was capable of taking out someone so utterly pitiable. Roxas just stares at him for a few seconds, dismisses his Keyblade, and moves on in silence.

“I feel bad for you, too,” she told him.

“What are you talking about?” Saïx towered over Naminé.

“You haven’t even noticed yet…that you have a heart.”

Several Nobodies emerged from a rift out of the corridors.

“A heart? I have a heart? No one wants your nonsense!” Saïx raised his sword over Naminé—but Riku was there with Soul Eater to intercept the blow.

“Hmph. I don’t have time for these games.” Darkness welled from a rift behind Saïx. “Run along and help your dear hero.”

With that, he disappeared.

“Are you all right?” Riku helped Naminé to her feet.

“Now I understand…,” she murmured.

“Naminé…? You understand what?”

She was silent for a moment and quietly shook her head as she stood. “It’s nothing. We have to find Kairi.”

Naminé felt sorry for him, too. Of course, she seemed to realize that his situation was unique and even worse than the other Nobodies. His heart was in Xehanort’s clutches. Saïx was genuinely anguished by what she said, though.

Maybe she had been sent away somewhere on a long-term mission, like Axel at Castle Oblivion.

But…asking about Axel seemed to put Saïx in such a foul mood, Roxas couldn’t bring himself to inquire after Xion.

I think Saïx was still subconsciously influenced by Isa’s captured heart, making him feel even more hollow and empty. I think that’s what forgetting his “true purpose” was all about.

“You made it back in one piece, didn’t you?”

Were you worried I wouldn’t? Axel almost said, but he didn’t want to deal with putting him in an even fouler mood. Disgust and rage seemed to linger closest to the surface of Saïx’s memories.

But ultimately, what we saw in 358/2 Days is this: Axel always empathized with Saïx, no matter how unlikable he was. Especially in the novels, he always exhibits profound empathy, patience, and understanding towards him. Their relationship is nothing like how it was portrayed in KH3. It was honestly so sad to see how badly Axel wanted to connect with him—to have things be like they were before. He was desperate to find any evidence that Saïx still cared about him.

He didn’t look at Saïx, but he did have one thing to say.

“Keep your mouth shut.”

Roxas had never heard him speak so coldly to anyone before.

Saïx made no reply.

The one time Axel loses his patience and confronts Saïx in anger, it hurt him more than it hurt Saïx. Axel couldn’t even look at him. But Saïx never acts hurt or offended after this scene. He’s just angry that Axel won’t listen to him. He couldn’t care less if Axel insults him, as long as he’s compliant and their plans remain unchanged.

But his voice was still oddly low. Running into Saïx had brought out a different side of him—and that side was a little scary.

Something just felt wrong about it—Axel was putting distance between himself and Saïx. Just like Xion did with him.

Axel was certainly deeply affected, though. Even Roxas, who hated Saïx, felt something was wrong about them drifting apart. He actually compared them to Xion and himself.

I just did what I thought was the best thing at the time. For Roxas, for Xion, for the Organization—and for Isa. But most of all for me.

He thinks like this even after he told Saïx to keep hid mouth shut. Even after that, he was still motivated by…well, not Saïx, actually. It was “Isa” who he mentioned. It’s the only time he used his real name as a Nobody, whether spoken or in his own thoughts. He talks about Saïx a lot. But when he thinks about his hopes for the future, it’s not Saïx’s name that comes to mind.

It’s Isa’s name. That’s how much of a distinction he makes between Saïx and Isa. The past and the present. It seemed like he desperately hoped that once Kingdom Hearts was completed, maybe Saïx would go back to being Isa again. And he clung to that hope for dear life. I couldn’t tell who wanted Saïx to get his heart back more—Saïx himself or Axel.

When he woke up after being re-completed, it was like he forgot all about their past conflict. He just wanted his friend back finally. This scene where he used Isa’s real name really stood out to me. It was the clincher. I knew there was no way that Lea did not love Isa with all his heart, when he had one. And after he started to grow a heart again, those feelings never left. Axel still loved him.

“Things are finally right again,” Saïx went on. “Of course, we’re better off this way.”

Axel had no retort for that. Maybe because he didn’t want to alienate Saïx anymore.

“Xemnas is exasperated from all the ‘fixing’ we’ve had to do. We have to set things right. There is too much on the line…Lea.”

Hearing his old name, Axel glanced up to see Saïx watching him intently. He remembered being human. Memories surged inside him, crowding the space in his chest. For Nobodies, memory had all the weight of a heart.

I remember. I won’t forget. But those sunsets with Roxas and Xion were part of his memory. Axel broke away again from Saïx’s gaze, looking down at nothing.

You can tell how conflicted he is when Saïx also uses his real name a little while later. He desperately wants to think Saïx still cares about him as well, but he’s starting to realize that he’s deluding himself. 

“I trust you.”

Axel let out a low chuckle. “Yeah? Because your heart tells you to?”

“Just the memory of it. But if you continue to interfere, I’ll have to overwrite that memory with everything I’ve learned as a Nobody.”

“…Should I take that as a threat?”

“More or less. Keep it in mind.” Finished with the conversation, Saïx walked away.

Axel didn’t move for a while.

This is the first time that Saïx actually threatened to do more to Axel than just end their friendship. He actually threatened to kill him, and he is totally in shock over it. He can’t even move. I found it so telling that Saïx always spoke about his memories in a way that made them sound so foreign to him. His memories of Isa tell him that Lea was once really important to him. But they are so at odds with his personality as a Nobody, that all he ever does is use those memories as a weapon to manipulate and punish Axel.

“We don’t need them both. Just one. And pretending won’t change it.”

We, who? Axel wanted to ask, but he held it in, along with a bitter laugh. He wasn’t sure if that “we” meant Organization XIII or just Saïx and himself.

“Think about that.”

Oh, I am. And I’m sick of it. I’m even desperate enough to ask you if there’s another way.

The words nearly escaped him, but Saïx was already walking toward the Grey Area. The set of his shoulders told him plainly what the answer would be.

Axel realized how great the rift was between how he remembered their past and what he saw now.

Why am I even here? I don’t know anymore. What am I trying to do?

But Axel forgave Saïx over and over and over again. He risked his life constantly whenever Saïx needed someone to do his dirty work. He cared SO much about Isa. But he’s starting to question everything now. What good are their plans if Saïx doesn’t even care about him anymore? If there’s no hope that their relationship can be like it was in the past?

KH3 says that Saïx felt forgotten by Axel, but I just didn’t see that at all. How could he have possibly felt abandoned by Axel of all people? All Axel did was pine for him the whole game. Axel would have been overjoyed if Saïx so much as asked him about how his mission went, or what he ate for breakfast that day. As long as it was something other than the Chamber of Waking. Of course, Saïx knew Axel didn’t forget about him. It’s why he knew calling him “Lea” would be such an effective tactic for his compliance.

“That’s enough.” Saix turned his head, giving Axel a sidelong look over his shoulder. “Traitor.”

Axel scowled darkly.

“I’m going. You know, don’t you, that you won’t stop me except by force? And even if you tried, you would fail.” Saïx went on his way. Memories informed him that he hated this kind of thing.

Here we go again. Saïx is still serious about his threat, and Axel is still deeply hurt. His memories tell him that threatening Axel should make him feel awful, too. In the past, he would be devastated with this situation. But, he isn’t. I really think Saïx simply had access to Isa’s memories, thanks to Ansem’s experiments on the heart. Just like how Xemns had access to Terra’s memories while he was talking to Aqua’s armor and calling it a “friend”. But he was never really Isa.

He had been using the Organization for his own ends from the start. The only thing that had changed in the meantime was who it was all for. Maybe Saïx would call that a betrayal. But his world had changed.

It took until this moment at the very end of the book, for Axel to finally change his mind on who he was doing everything for.

The Roxas that I know is long gone. Fine, I see how it is…

This is the moment where Axel has to finally accept the harsh truth. The truth that he’s known for a long time, deep down, but didn’t want to admit. The Isa he knew is long gone. Which was just so sad to me. Their relationship was SO messed up—it was incredibly damaging to Axel. How could KH3 make Lea and Isa just get over their past so easily? It was ridiculous.

There’s no way that Saïx was planned to be Isa all along. That would be so unfair and insulting to both of their characters. “Yeah, sorry Lea. Your best friend really DID want to kill you all along. So much for healing your pain…Here, have some ice cream.”  

“I sent dusks in before you in numbers. Think of failure as leading to immediate erasure.”

“Certainly, sir,” said Axel, and he bowed exaggeratedly.

“Was that supposed to be a joke, Axel?”

“That’s not too far is it?”

“…It’s not at all funny.” Saïx resumed typing on the keyboard.

Maybe, this is the last time I’ll see Saïx, too.

Thinking, Axel looked at the seated Saïx’s back.

“We’ve known each other for a pretty long time, haven’t we?”

Ignoring Axel’s words, Saïx continued typing on the keyboard.

This is during the time of KH2, when Axel is going to infiltrate the data Twilight Town. There was something incredibly moving about the way Axel related to Saïx. It resonated with me on a deeply personal level, in a way few stories ever have. It was so powerful, without being the slightest bit cheesy or forced. In fact, it flies right under the radar unless you really pay attention.

Axel displayed true unconditional love. He just kept trying and trying and trying—even when his efforts got him absolutely nothing in return. He was totally undeterred. He’d just wait longer, and try even harder, until the day finally comes when his friend wakes up and comes to his senses. He was incredibly hurt by Saïx’s indifference towards him…but he never stopped loving Isa. Even when he lost all hope that he’d ever see him again…he never wanted to forget the pain of losing him. 

Axel didn’t waste a second grabbing his chakrams. But his body was reluctant somehow.

I don’t want to disappear… But still, it wouldn’t be so bad if I did. Not here.

Regardless of how bad things got, even when Saïx followed through with his threat and tried to kill him…Axel STILL loved him, even if only because of how he remembered Isa. Fighting Saïx killed him inside. I like to think that during that scene, on some level, Lea could sense Isa’s true heart inside of Saïx. And that Isa still loves him, too. After all, they are supposed to be inseparable, even when they’re apart.

I truly believe that in the original idea for the story, Lea refused to take off his Organization cloak because he couldn’t bring himself to be “free” until Isa was. I also think that was why he was always staring off at the sunset, looking wistful. There’s a certain type of bonding people experience during shared trauma, that is unlike any other.

Lea and Isa joined the Organization together. They both lost their innocence and their youth to the Organization. There was no way Lea could be free until he knew Isa was, too. He would never, ever be able to move on from the past. And when Isa was rescued, he and Lea would always have that shared history as test subjects. I think their pain was always going to be something they understood better than anyone else.

Terra: I just– When I really need you, Ven, I know you’ll be there.

Aqua: Ven, I’m sorry…I might not make it back as soon as I thought. But Ipromise I’ll be there, one day, to wake you up.

To me, these quotes felt like foreshadowing. Ven is promising the audience that he’ll use the power of waking on Terra, and Aqua assures us that she will be the one to use it on Ven.

Go on, you just keep running. But I’ll always be there to bring you back!

There’s not a doubt in my mind that Lea was going to use these exact words while trying to use the power of waking on Isa. I think Isa would have been so traumatized that his soul fragments would initially refuse to go back to reality. It would not be easy to convince him to come back. Even Riku needed to pass a “test” to revive Sora.

The sun sank lower and lower as Axel watched, his mind wandering.

If he stared for too long, the image would burn itself into his eyes, visible even after his eyes were closed.

A phantom sun.

Someone had once told him why sunsets were red… Who was that?

First of all, Tomoco Kanemaki’s writing is so beautiful. Secondly, why do I get the feeling that it was Isa who made an off-hand remark one day, informing Lea why the sun sets red? 

Axel is lost in thought, staring at the red sunset, before Roxas and Xion arrive. This is just before he talks about how they’ll never have to be apart as long as they have the memories of each other. Which is so similar to what he told Isa all those years ago. “If I can live forever inside people’s memories, then at least Isa can live forever inside mine.” That’s what I believe Axel was thinking that day.

You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.

The red phantom sun. It burns into your eyes, staying visible even when you close them.

Pandora opened a jar containing sickness, death and many other unspecified evils which were then released into the world. Though she hastened to close the container, only one thing was left behind–hope.  

Axel’s Pandora Gear is called Prominence. Solar prominences are large, bright red-glowing loops of plasma extending outward from the Sun’s surface. They can measure many times larger than Earth’s diameter and last for weeks or even months. Saïx’s Pandora Gear is Crocea Mors, or Yellow Death; the one that looks just like his Berserk state Claymore.

Prominence is shaped like a swastika, or manji. It’s a symbol used to represent the harmonious interplay between opposites beyond the limits of time and space. In Hinduism, the arms pointing clockwise (卐) symbolizes surya (‘Sun’), prosperity, and good luck.

I wholeheartedly wish that Lea got to reunite with Isa—the real Isa. Not the watered-down Xehanort clone masquerading as him in KH3. There’s NO way the real Isa could have EVER inspired the type of devotion we saw from Lea, if he was ANYTHING like Saïx.

[sae-bae-ran]

Hi!~ Happy Halloween! This request isn't exactly themed to Halloween, but how would Jumin, Saeyoung, Saeran, Vanderwood and Zen react to an MC who has supernatural powers/gifts? Maybe you could make up what kind of powers she has? I feel like it'd be an interesting topic... or I'm just a sucker for fantasy AUs/scenarios... Hope you're having a fantastic day!

Oh, it’s okay! I only used Halloween as an excuse to open my requests, lol. I’ve wanted to do that for a while. ^^ Thanks for your request, sweetie!

Also, a month ago I wrote a scenario about Saeran and an MC who can heal plants and accelerate their growth. Since that is also a supernatural power, you might be interested in reading that post, too -> click click 🌸!

Masterlist 📜 || Ko-fi ☕

Zen, Jumin, Saeyoung, Saeran and Vanderwood reacting to an MC who has supernatural powers

Hyun Ryu // Zen : MC with the power to see the future/precognition

The moment you hear about Zen’s prophetic dreams, you decide to tell him you’re not unfamiliar with the supernatural, either. Especially when it comes to seeing the future, as it is something you’ve learned to do at will, just by focusing on a person’s energy.

The problem is, when it comes to his own supernatural gifts, undeveloped, but still powerful, he’s not quite convinced yet that his is a supernatural gift and not a spoopy coincidence.

Despite this, he’s quick to embrace this part of you.

Not just that. By accepting your extraordinary side, he starts accepting his as well. The prophetic dreams become something he’s proud of, a gift and a responsibility he’s more than willing to take. It’s always better when there’s someone out there who truly understands you and Zen’s incredibly grateful this someone for him is you.

Loves the fact that you both have pretty similar supernatural powers. In his mind, this is yet another proof that you two were meant to be together.

If you decide to share your secret with the other RFA members, Zen will often clog the chat with long paragraphs with boasts about how you two are a match made in heaven. Literally. He’s just that happy.

“Hey, babe. You think my ability to heal up quickly has something to do with the supernatural?” Super excited to be a part of this magical world, all because you’re there with him, too.

Jumin : MC with telekinesis

If there’s anything that fascinates Jumin more than Elizabeth’s kitty antics and the cute faces you make without realizing it, it’s the supernatural.

So once you gather the courage to tell him you’ve been blessed with an extraordinary gift, he’s beside himself with pure excitement.

If you thought he loved just watching you go around and do your everyday chores, wait until the moment he observes with childlike glee and curiosity every movement you make while practicing telekinesis. The extra attention might be embarrassing at first, but it’s all because he loves you too much and wants to be a part of your life, be it mundane or extraordinary.

Absolutely adores it when you use telekinesis to pass him the salt at dinner or to do something else that is a cute and small domestic gesture.

Feels immense happiness and pride that the woman he loves has such powers, but will never boast about it. In fact, he’ll keep quiet about it, afraid that bad people might come after you if word of your supernatural abilities got out. 

Because of this, he never takes pictures of you while you’re using your powers, even though he really wants to. Rest assured, though. If someone hacked his phone and saw them, he’s willing to live with you on a distant island until things calm down and people forget about what they’ve seen.

You can’t find it in yourself to tell him that doesn’t matter. Even if he did take such pictures and they were leaked online, all people would see would be a blur of colors barely resembling a person. But the dork is too cute trying to protect you, so playing along benefits all.

707 // Luciel Choi // Saeyoung Choi : MC who is a shapeshifter

When you shapeshift into Elly, then back to your normal form, Saeyoung’s first reaction is to drop the Phd Pepper he’s holding, his lips slowly parting as he tries to comprehend what just happened.

Shocked. Happy and super curious, but shocked. And once his mind slows down, he feels worry seeping into his bones.

Because of his job as an agent and his crappy childhood, Saeyoung is well aware of the atrocities people are capable of. If someone found out about what you can do, or even worse, if someone from the agency found out about you, you’d be sentenced to a life of experiments on your body that would leave you scarred, both physically and mentally.

Falls on his knees, forehead on the floor as he begs you to never ever use your powers again.

Takes a lot of time for you to convince him that you’ve managed to survive on your own so far, so going forward, especially when you have people like him to protect, love, and support you, shouldn’t be a problem.

Still, he makes you promise you’d be extra careful.

On very rare occasions, he asks you to partially shapeshift into a cat - just the ears. There’s something about playing with your kitty ears that calms him down immensely. If he doesn’t drift off to sleep snuggled close to you, he’ll often pretend he’s a cat, too.

“Sevenny can be a cute kitty, too, nyan ~ See, nyan? ~ Seven-nyan deserves a good belly rub, nyan ~”

Ray // Unknown // Saeran : MC who can understand animals’ emotions and control their behavior/animal empathy and manipulation

Saeran’s always known you are special.

It’s in the way you smile, the way you tuck your hair behind your ear, and the way you carry yourself. He’s known this all along. This supernatural gift you possess, it’s just another layer of uniqueness that sets you apart from everyone else.

He’s in awe every time he wakes up to find you sitting on the front porch, surrounded by many and different animals that seem to be as smitten with you as he is.

“I guess I’m gonna marry a princess. And not just any princess - my future wife is a Disney princess.”

Likes to tease you about it in the most caring way possible. Often calls you “Snow White”, “Belle”, or simply “my princess”. Makes you wonder if he realizes just how incredibly adorable he is by doing that.

Doesn’t mind getting a pet, or two, or maybe even five. With your supernatural gift, it’s inevitable.

Your home is bound to become a safe place for strays, so that at least saves you time you’d otherwise spend looking for a pet that has a higher chance of finding a forever home anyway. Strays are something else.

He might not be able to communicate or understand animals as much as you do, but Saeran loves them nonetheless. It’s his small and unconventional family, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Vanderwood : MC who can teleport to any place in the world she’s seen before, even if just on a picture

Silence.

…

“Bubbles, have you gone mad? Did you hit your head or something?”

Vanderwood’s initial reaction is that of disbelief. Or more like, denial.

He’s seen some secret documents at his job. He knows what’s up. People’s genes mutate and occasionally, that gives them supernatural powers. Extraordinary gifts that should be celebrated, but are instead hidden away in dark laboratories, never to be seen by the world.

No, he’s not gonna let that happen to you.

In a fit of anger, you grab him by the arm and teleport you both to a secluded place in an unknown country. Might be the waves crashing against the cliff you’re standing atop, might be the sun rays warming you up as the sun rises, but Vanderwood calms down.

He understands he can’t make the decision for you. He can’t hide you away in some faraway cottage at the end of the world. All he can do is sit down and have a serious conversation with you.

Lets you know he’ll be there for you no matter what happens. Even if it means laying down his own life, he’ll protect you.

Never comes to this, though. With time you realize there’s only one place you truly want to be, and that’s by his side. Everything else you wanna see in this world, well, you sure as hell can get there by the various means of transportation that already exist. And with Vanderwood by your side, the hours spent traveling are time well spent.

[doyouevenshipbr0]

gruvia drabble

author’s note: i get inspired by the most insignificant little things and i have no idea where im gonna go w this fic but...... juvia is so BEAUTIFUL omfg n i literally just wanna write a fic ab gray appreciating that. that’s it lmao. enjoy my loves!!!<333

**another note: haha oh ok it turned into something kinda rly different! its fine ig! psa im ab to kinda rant so u can skip this if u want!! if u wanna read this part it might be better to do it after u read the fic???? these arent spoilers its just kinda behind the scenes of ig.. ok so i try to think of gruvia in the most realistic sense possible. i incorporated gray having crushes bc simply, i think its true. i think gray had a crush on erza and lucy. i also think gray didnt fall in love w juvia at first sight lmao. i think it took a lot of time for gray to understand what juvia meant to him. also i find it INFURIATING that gray has never commented on juvias looks lmaooo (to my knowledge). like he said lucy and erza were pretty (at least in the anime) and literally all i want is for gray to acknowledge how fuckin BEAUTIFUL juvia is ongogmgogm. ok ok yes he commented "you're mine" and said "ur body is something i care about" and a whole lot of other romantic things but he has never made a comment solely on juvias looks and ik looks dont matter and im sure its hard for gray to even think ab juvias looks considering all the personality she has but literally all i want is a "ur cute". like thats all i need lmao. my girl needs recognition for being the most beautiful person EVER!! so yeah this fic is me trying to process how gray sees juvia, and even tho he doesnt say it, i can at least tell myself this is his thought process lmaooo. ((he also prolly doesn't say shes cute cus it would be way too embarrassing for him considering he has like actual real feelings for her)) ok ignore me literally typing word vomit lol pls enjoy ilysm. (((this rant is longer than the fucking fic. i cri.))))

*

Gray always had crushes.

It was normal, but Gray never really reflected on it until now.

First, there was Erza. They were just kids. When she first joined the guild, Gray thought she was weird, but he soon found out she was much more than that. She challenged him. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally too. He wanted to figure her out. She had a complexity that he never experienced before, and he was intrigued by it. Soon, the curiosity of the pretty girl with the scarlet hair molded into an admiration. He admired her beauty, her ability, and her heart, and the attraction just fizzled away over time.

Then, there was Lucy. This one was far simpler, and didn't hurt Gray's brain as much to try to comprehend. She was cute. She was quirky. She was a fresh face he saw around the guild. He couldn't deny the instant attraction he felt towards her, and he didn't necessarily try to fight it either. The bond was harmless, and Gray never expected anything to come from it, nor did he try to advance it in any way. She was just Lucy. A friend, a guildmate, and a teammate. While a part of him was inclined to make some sort of move, an even larger part of him didn't feel right about it. That small part that inquired for something more seemed to die out as well, and while he wasn't sure why at first, he was finally starting to realize what it was.

Finally, there's Juvia, who he would hardly ever consider a crush. Honestly, at first, nothing really struck him. She was pretty he supposed, but had an odd look. She had a dull personality. She was nothing special. Just another enemy to take out. That was all until their first fight came to an end. A piece of her did stand out to Gray, and it stuck to him. He wasn't sure why, but it did.

Then, time went on. Juvia's personality completely flourished, and it was like she became a whole new person. While Gray at first saw her mostly as an annoyance, it transformed into something completely foreign to him. He never knew how to place this feeling, and even now he still has trouble comprehending Juvia from time to time. While he wasn't sure how to feel about her, he did always know that she was something special. She was there for him like no one else was. She supported, helped, and loved him more than anyone. He was completely overcome by all of her. He was so overwhelmed by her love, it took him a long time to realize just how much he needed and cherished it. He needed that warmth in his cold, seemingly tragic life. While the people in his past died for him, she lived for him. He only recently realized that in some ways, that was much harder, and it was certainly much more meaningful.

She did have her faults though, as all people do. She was completely neurotic, clingy, emotional, short-tempered, dramatic, and just--well-- a weirdo, but...

he loved her.

He loved her strength, her devotion, her kindness, her optimism towards life, her enthusiasm, her humor (even when she didn't mean to be funny), and well- he just loved everything about her. Even the bits mentioned earlier that seemed not so great. He loved it all.

He had a hard time even calling Juvia a crush, truthfully. The way he felt towards her was far stronger than anything he'd felt for anyone else. Erza and Lucy held a place in his heart at one point, but now, Juvia was the whole thing. She owned every last part of it. It was a feat neither of the former girls possessed, and he didn't think anyone other than Juvia ever could.

And as he sat at a table across from the three women he ever had romantic feelings for in his life: Erza, Lucy, and Juvia, and pondered on these thoughts, he decided not only did Juvia have an amazing soul, she was damn beautiful too.

The strange thing was, Juvia was always pretty. But unlike his former crushes, he never really seemed to take the time to admire Juvia's looks. It was her personality that always stuck out to Gray.

But when he did take the time to sit and just look at her... wow. Erza and Lucy couldn't even hold a candle to her.

It was remarkable, honestly. She was nothing like any girl he had ever seen before. She was totally unique. Her hair was the perfect shade of blue that accompanied her perfect waves, making her mane resemble that of a beautiful ocean that he would absolutely love to get lost in. Her bangs fell perfectly over her hooded eyes that were coated in long lashes, and in them held a deep blue escape that were her eyes. Oh god, her eyes. They could tell you a whole story those damned things. Gray never had to ask her what she was feeling, because her eyes always said it all. Natsu was sitting beside him at the time, and said something that caused Juvia to laugh. Her plump, naturally pouted lips turned into a big beautiful grin in an instant. Gray wasn't sure what Natsu said, but it must've been pretty funny, because she then covered her mouth as she began to laugh even louder, and Gray was wishing she didn't hide behind her petite hands. After the laugh fest was over, she regained her composure and tucked an unruly blue lock behind her ear, and closed her mouth as her lips parted into a content grin, and just that small gesture shamefully drove Gray crazy. She was a masterpiece.

He decided he didn't stop to think about how breathtaking she was so much, because then it would turn into this. It became Gray relishing in every little detail Juvia possessed, and every mannerism she did. He never felt the need to look at a girl like that before, with such interest in detail. The feeling that took over when he really looked at Juvia was far too strong for him to comprehend too often. It was a feeling completely unfamiliar to him until he saw her. While his emotions about her were a lot for him to handle sometimes, he was thankful for it.

He was grateful for every last part of her.

"Gray-sama, are you alright?" She tilted her head ever so slightly, causing the tides of her hair to fall in a new, but beautiful way, and her eyes were filling with harmless concern. She must've finally caught him staring.

"U-uh yeah." He stammered. "I'm good."

"You're sure?" Her eyes began to flood with more worry, and she reached her hand across the table, holding onto his. Her soft, milky skin clashed with his rough feel, but they somehow fit perfectly together. He flinched at first, but instead of throwing a fit for his hatred of PDA, he decided he'd let their hands be. He wanted to take every part of her in right now.

"Yeah." He smirked, and slightly squeezed onto her hand, not caring about Natsu, Lucy, Erza, or anyone seeing them at that moment in time. She was all his. Not only was she his, but she was it. She was really the one.

"I'm just fine."

[comicteaparty]

July 29th-August 4th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from July 29th, 2019 to August 4th, 2019.  The chat focused on Millennium by Deo.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Millennium by Deo~! (http://millennium.thecomicseries.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until August 4th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Do you believe Keith and Aaron will get their acts together as Luzio wants, or are they doomed to be thieves forever? What is your reasoning regardless? Also, how do you think the two became so downtrodden in the first place?

Nutty (Court of Roses)

1) I'll admit, my favorite scene is Luzio comforting Sage after the terrible nightmare he had. It's a small scene, but parts like that really hit me hard.(edited)

2) "Doomed" assumes that being thieves is bad by default. ;P In all seriousness, while klepto habits die hard, the two seem good-hearted, so I feel confident that whether they clean up their act or remain thieves, they'll have good intentions behind it. I think, based off bits of their story we can glean from conversations ( http://millennium.thecomicseries.com/comics/107/ http://millennium.thecomicseries.com/comics/113/ ), their state may have to do with them both avoiding their families to be together, or running off altogether. At least Aaron's dad keeps in contact, so that's something.(edited)

snuffysam

All the scenes of Luzio and Sage interacting are so pure . I agree, Nutty, this scene was my favorite (http://millennium.thecomicseries.com/comics/104/). I also love the scene of the gang fighting in the colosseum (http://millennium.thecomicseries.com/comics/44). A strong action scene is always a plus in my book!

I suppose it's nice that Aaron's dad keeps in touch, but i'm not sure that counts for much when your calls are attempts to arrest your son lol.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. What do you think was going on in Luzio’s life when he met Keith and Aaron? How do you think the two of them helped Luzio? What other theories or questions do you have regarding Luzio’s personal life story?

RebelVampire

1) My favorite scene in the comic so far is probably when Luzio realizes Sage isn't with them and basically busts through a wall. Not only was it really comical, but it was excellent character development for Luzio both showing his power level and the depths of his ability to care for someone. But also it was badass. 2) No. Keith and Aaron gonna be thieves forever. Maybe thieves with real jobs, but still probably thieves. I don't see either them as the type to suddenly be like, "Oh yeah we should follow societies rules." I don't think they have enough respect for society for that. Which I leads me to how it happened. I get the impression that they're the type of got really down on their luck, society didn't help them, so ya know, if society wont help damn society. Or something like that.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. What do you think was the end goal for the experiments done on Sage? Besides plant powers and health issues, what other consequences do you think there are? Do you think Sage will grow past them (and if so, how)? Also, will Sage remain with Luzio?

RebelVampire

@snuffysam I don't see the problem. What's a few threats about calling the police between father and son? XDXDXD

3) Probably maybe Luzio is my favorite? That's a hard call cause this is the sort of comic where I'd really like more content before I can diehard settle on anybody. At the moment though, I like that Luzio has this cute blend of being strict and being the type of person who wants to let all the strays in the house. It makes for a cute and interesting dynamic. 4) Luzio strikes me as the type who left, did some stuff, and then it suddenly dawned on him he didnt really know what he wanted to do with himself anymore. Thus he was filled with wanderlust, maybe poor and stuck in emotional turmoil. If this is the case, then Keith and Aaron are at least good for being cheerful, and what better ways to cheer someone up. I am excited to find more about Luzio's home, cause compared to the others I get the impression he was relatively more privelaged. So I'm eager to see if that's the case or if Luzio is just good at hiding everything.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Do you believe Luzio giving so many people second chances is a good or a bad thing? How do you think it will overall help or hurt Sage? What do you think the story can teach us about life and the nature of second chances?

RebelVampire

5) My favorite illustration is probably all the ones rom the nightmare sequence. http://millennium.thecomicseries.com/comics/102/ I love the vague angles and the dramatic change in color. It's a fantastic way to really drive the horror in while at the same time capturing the dream like quality nightmares can still have. 6) Given what we see happening on Kessiah's planet and with the new location, I imagine plant growth is pretty important. So important that just leaving plant's to their own devices means bad things. So the end goal of the experiments on Sage were to create plant experts who could vastly increase the speed at which colonization happens and prevent famines by being able to watch for crops. As far as consequences for Sage, there's definitely mental trauma there. Although maybe he has more than just sway over plants. Like he'll wake up one day and discover he can photosynthesis. I don't think what happened to Sage is something you grow out of though. He'll learn to manage it emotionally at some point, but it'll be a permanent scar upon his soul. Sage better remain with Luzio. I'll be mad otherwise. O_O

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. After escaping John, why do you think Stitch remained with Keith and Aaron? Further, why do you think she didn’t want to tell Luzio the reason? How might her blossoming relationship with Kessiah affect her relations with the others?

RebelVampire

7) Ummm....ummm! It's a tie between Luzio and Sage and then Keith and Aaron. I like Luzio and Sage's relationship for how different then are. Luzio has the stren work thing going on whereas Sage is kind of a soft, doofy dude. So it's really beautiful to see them still manage to keep along with each other and, as I've said several time before, demonstrate the depth of their care for each other. Keith and Aaron I liked though because they do have these similar goofy attitudes. They're like a great dynamic duo and when they're together, they bring the barrel of laughs. That being said, I also like the serious moments that sneak in too, showing it's not all fun and games either. But mostly they just bring so much energy to the story and I love it. 8) I mean...I believe in second chances, but it's gotta bite Luzio in the butt one day. Cause just imagine if he invites the wrong person in and they do something to Sage. Like a mole from John or something. That being said, I also can't say its a bad thing, cause distrusting too much is also how you wind up never getting along with anyone. Overall, so far, I feel like the story shows us that a healthy distrust is good. You don't want to give everyone the keys to the city on day 1, because they might fleece you.

9) The scars. There are so many scars, so many different types, and I love it. Particularly, though, I love the shading on Stitch's scars. It's that right blend of simple and detailed that makes it look very groteque and painful. It's the sort of scar I can look at, wince, and not wanna know how that happened cause it looks like it hurt like hell. 10) Honestly, I get the impression Stitch felt a) indebted to them and b) had nowhere else to go. Cause no matter where Stitch goes, there is probably a risk of John showing up or something. As for why she didn't want to tell Luzio, maybe its a vulnerability thing. Like Stitch just didn't want to admit needing companionship cause its a sign of weakness or something like that. I can't imagine Stitch is gonna be happy when Kessiah is ready to blow the joint, and I think that will be a negative mood that with affect everyone.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Do you believe John is more of an entity for good or more of an entity for evil? What do you think John’s ultimate end goals are, especially given the increasing deaths going on? Also, why do you think John abandoned Sage and the lab Sage was in?

snuffysam

My favorite character is easily Stitch. I love the way she starts out shy and standoffish, but grows into being more confident and part of the crew's family. She also has my favorite design of the cast. With that said, all the character designs in this comic are great - in fact, I think it's Millennium's strongest aspect. The way different elements work together with colors to make a cohesive design. Like, you could show me any of these characters in any outfit and with any artist's artstyle and I'd still probably be able to recognize them.

It would be a wild twist if John turns out to actually be a good guy the whole time. I suppose it's possible that he's going about a noble goal in a corrupted way? For Sage, perhaps he was created as an experiment to see if humans can... survive on sunlight, maybe? Whatever he was really going for was probably a failure, given that he abandoned the lab.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Ultimately, do you think Kessiah will get the help she needs for her planet? If so, do you think she’ll go back, or will her bond with Luzio’s crew sway her to stay? Even if her planet gets help, can the planet actually be saved?

RebelVampire

11) I have to second @snuffysam on this one. The character designs I think are the strongest asset. Not just visually speaking, but also in terms of their personalities as well. They all have their own interesting role to place in the story, and see how each individually triumphs or fails is really interesting. Of course, though, the visual designs are all super amazing as well, with lots of beautiful details in them. 12) I don't think John is really either. He strikes me more as an "ends justify the means ethics be damned" sort of scientist. So he's going to drag and progree society even if that means he has to murder half hte universe. As for John's end goals, I assume part of it is out a good willed intention to bring more prosperty. I think some of it is just progress for progress' sake. And I think this latter is a lot of the reason that might have to do with why so many ppl are dying more. Progress comes with certain sacrifices at some point. As for abandoning Sage, tbh, I don't think John meant to. I think John had to flee, intended to come back for Sage, but then was under the impression that nope, everyone was lost. Or something like that.

13) I'm looking forward to Kessiah getted help for her planet, ironically. I think her intentions coming out is really gonna drive some drama and ill feelings that we'll get to enjoy. 14) I kind of feel like this is a yes and a no. Like maybe Kessiah will get the help, but the help will be too late. Or something like that. I think Kessiah will want to stay with Luzio's crew though. Not to say it'll be an easy decision but I think bonds + new experiences + bad things happening on the planet will drive her to want more. or at the very least, to punch john in the face like everyone else wants to do.

LunarDolphin

Joined a bit late but I'll answer what I can cause I really do love this comic 3) Stitch (But I recently found it it may be because she has a few similarities to one of my characters, also her character building with sage is so good) 5) Favorite illustration is page 3 of chapter 6, that whole space transition had me audibly gasp it was so pretty

LunarDolphin

That sent early but.... 7) Luzio and Sage of course, Luzio and Kessiah also have a great dynamic, Sage and Stitch's growing friendship is adorable and I love that they're opening up to each other, and Stitch and Kessiah crushing on each other gives me life 13) Luzio telling Sage "I wont leave you, okay?" after the nightmare with John is going to come back to bite them, I can feel it, something is going to happen between the two of them and John. And it's not "'"confirmed""" he's alive but I really hope he appears in the comic.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Millennium this week! Please also give a special thank you to Deo for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Millennium, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://millennium.thecomicseries.com/

Deo’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/deo101

Deo’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/deoart

Deo’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/deo_101

[automaticmoons]

@orbitofdesire talked about that recently and I didn’t want to impose a lengthy addition to her post, and this has probably been said already but I’ve had a lot of thoughts about that on the past few months and like. The kind of relationships encouraged by the structure of capitalist social media leads to a terrible dehumanization of everyone else which pervades even our IRL lives. It makes us treat people as consumable and disposable and encourages us to see involvement, love and empathy as weaknesses or awkward things. We are estranged from our selves. While we have this impression to form "circles" who share the same hobbies and interests or even things as personal as mental health/trauma issues, it renders us unable to form genuine connections and solidarities. We create our own solitude and isolation in which we like to wallow in a supposedly-detached way.

Of course, isolation is not a pure product of capitalist social media, it is an effect of neoliberal capitalism in general, and marginalized people know solitude for other reasons. But precisely the presence on social media is in some ways linked to marginalization (I think mostly of Tumblr and Twitter, not Instagram or LinkedIn lol). Thus it feels like a vicious spiral, where capitalism and white supremacy and patriarchy isolate us from each other, and to escape this loneliness we turn to solutions that make us even more alone and afraid of the real world (and no, it’s not only a matter of “innate” mental health and “natural” introversion).

I also feel like the relationships we form on social media are uniquely ambiguous and... odd? Like you can’t really know what they are. Sure, we have laughed together on Twitter (often by making fun of someone else for petty reasons), sure we have shared memes, sure we have seen each other a couple of times IRL, but... are we friends? what kind of friends? could we invite each other to spend the holidays together? could we talk openly about what’s happening in our lives without being afraid of annoying the other, of being too much? could we really be there for each other, giving the other some of our time and emotional strength? We are now used to having relationships in which we can afford not to be really invested in. I’m always afraid to annoy people I know IRL when I speak about my emotions in a serious way etc, because I’m used to people performing detachment. I’m used the meaningless relationships we have satisfied us with on social media where it feels awkward to get too personal. Social media norms are, “personal is good (I want to hear about your cat or the last funny thing that happened to you at school, anything I can react to with an emoji in fact) unless it becomes too deep”. Ew, too deep is embarrassing. When I read that someone I follow on Twitter is sad today, it’s usually someone I know-but-not-really. Not in a human, profound way. Inviting them over to chat around a tea would be awkward. But I like them anyway, so I’m just gonna react with a heart emoji and *sends hugs*, right? And then go back to my usual occupations. The deep emotions Lucie was talking about are transformed into things to share to both everyone and no one, all the time, reducing them to narcisstistic “statuses” which your followers aren’t able to process as connected to real emotions anymore. Either human complexity is consumable, either it’s contemptible. I feel like the only contexts where I’m not alienated in my relationships to others are IRL meetings or small group-convos with people who also know each other IRL and have a common interest besides “being an introvert feminist”. And in these contexts, we should work to be able to speak openly and be heard with empathy, and give space to others to do the same, so that people and life in general don’t transform into mere consumption goods. We will have to heal from all this if we want to, in the short term, feel better as humans, and in the long term, build a revolutionary society.

[airiat]

for the detail OC questions! 28, 38, and 45, for either or both your girls!

Helloooo! Thank you so much for asking these questions!! They all deal with themes I focus on pretty heavily in LMNIT, so much so that Fjoara has even answered these questions before in her own words! Therefore, I’m only going to answer for her, and also because I lowkey haven’t developed Morvera very much yet. I’m so, so sorry it took this long to answer–I ended up basically writing a whole essay on this because you picked the absolute perfect questions to ask lol. Thank you so much, again! This was so helpful for my fic and super enjoyable to do.

Fjoara Ebonhand:

~ What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared? 

~ How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

~ What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

The driving force behind most of her actions is actually her overwhelming sense of fear, the biggest being what she’s tasked to do as Dragonborn (first dealing with Miraak, then defeating Alduin), and if she’ll be capable of carrying it out. When we look at the LDB from an in-game perspective we view them as fearless and able to do anything, but I would imagine the emotional implications of being chosen to literally save the world would cause an immense amount of inner turmoil, and this is a theme I explore consistently as it evolves within her. The catalyst for this all is her complete lack of confidence in her abilities in combat. She compares herself to the traditional brutish Nord warrior when she herself will never be like that. However, I think LMNIT will see her gain this missing confidence when she successfully deals with the situation on Solstheim, even if her approach is somewhat unconventional.

Later on, though—and you can already see hints of this—her fear becomes more directed inwards instead of outwards. As in, she’s afraid of her own power and its potential for causing devastation. Another element of in-game Skyrim is the idea that the LDB is very much a murderer, even a serial killer, but Fjoara is very strongly against using violence as anything but self-defense, preferring instead to be diplomatic or tactical. In fact, her carrying of Dawnbreaker, a sword most powerful against the undead rather than living people, is somewhat symbolic of this. She sees the thu’um as a weapon rather than a powerful tool capable of bringing peace, believing that the two are mutually exclusive. Of this she has said, “I have never wished to harm others, but the gods have given me a weapon that can speak an end to life with more ease than the sharpest sword, and with more devastation than the most powerful army. Yet, if I were to cast this weapon aside in favor of peace, I would bring upon an even greater destruction to all of Tamriel. Both my calling and the fear within me are inescapable. How am I to cope with being torn between these two parts of myself?” Once she learns Bend Will, however, I believe it will become a whole different story. That’s one for another time, though.

As for how Fjoara’s fear manifests tangibly, she would meet the criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well as Panic Disorder. When confronted with something particularly intense, like when she went to Apocrypha for the first time, she’ll most likely have an anxiety attack. If it’s something less severe, she’ll just shut down for a little while and become almost catatonic, though you can coax her out of it. Otherwise, she’s just a super high-strung and nervous person all the time no matter what the circumstances are, and will occasionally have panic attacks if the stress is too bad. She presents pretty classically, it’s just the things she deals with in her life are obviously quite unique.

On a less serious note, she’s really not a fan of frostbite spiders.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

Fjoara has held two statuses in her life that predispose a certain attitude to her: daughter of the High King who is next in line to the throne and, of course, Dragonborn. Both of these titles command a great deal of respect and an innate sense of admiration, but that then means an inaccurate image of herself is being projected onto her. This has been a huge source of contention for her. Before she knew she was Dragonborn and was only just nobility, she always felt like people were only ever nice to her because of that. This is what she’s said on this topic: “Back home in Solitude, I had become so accustomed to the delicate and inauthentic manner in which I was treated by my father’s court, and even by those whom I considered my friends. The luxuries and privileges afforded to me by my father being High King of Skyrim were beyond the common people’s most outrageous fantasies, but there was always a part of me who would have discarded it all for the chance at a real connection with someone. To be loved and respected for who I am, not because of who my father is, and certainly not because I’m now destined to become some sort of hero.” On top of this, she doesn’t really have a good sense of self because she has never really received genuine feedback about herself from anyone other than her family, who also have their own ulterior motives. As it is mentioned above, Fjoara at the very least knows what she wants out of her relationships, but she feels barred from receiving that because of her social status. This is why she takes advantage of an out that was given to her by way of being Dragonborn.

After she absorbs her first dragon soul (but before she knew that meant she was Dragonborn) and runs away from home, Fjoara makes a concerted effort to hide herself and from herself, which is why she “traveled to The Rift, the farthest possible hold from Haafingar.” In doing so, she also decides to distance herself from her noble identity by changing her last name and lying about where she came from. She also inadvertently gains more anonymity when she decides to join the Thieves Guild just by the very nature of the work she does with them. Besides, who would ever suspect that the King’s daughter would stoop so low as to become a filthy criminal?

Fjoara gets on really well with the Guild, and it becomes her greatest source of pride because it was purely her own skills and efforts that got her membership–not because of nepotism or birthright. I won’t go into the story of how she joined, but it’s actually pretty funny. Let’s just say Brynjolf never saw it coming. While there, she also develops a strong, somewhat romantic relationship with Brynjolf and eventually, she does tell him who she is. He had a positive reaction to it and promised to keep her secret, which he does honor. This was really the first time that she feels truly appreciated by someone else; even though he knows of her nobility, he doesn’t treat her any differently because of it.

Yet, Fjoara never really finds her identity in the Thieves Guild despite her sense of belonging and the second family she creates there. I believe that this sense of disconnection will be something she’ll struggle with for her entire life. It will be a challenge for her to truly name an identity for herself when she will have to fulfill so many vastly different roles, from the mundane domesticity of wife and mother to the last of an ancient prophesied hero to the familial burdens of nobility, and so on.

Despite all of this, however, people do actually really like Fjoara no matter what lens they are seeing her through. She is very personable, eloquent, and charming, and genuinely takes an interest in helping people, even if she can unintentionally come off a little fake sometimes. The Skaal respect her, the Guild admires her talent, Frea will become her first real friend, and Teldryn will fall so much in love with her. And that’s just the beginning.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

I get to talk about Teldryn in this part! The very nature of their relationship is a mutual, but unspoken feeling of admiration for the other. A sense of “I can’t believe you would choose to be with me because I believe you to be far more superior than me.” For Teldryn, he obviously admires the fact that she’s Dragonborn–that much is inescapable–but not for the reason one would expect. As he is a Dunmer, I feel as if the meaning he assigns to her being this hero carries much less of a cultural significance as it would if he were a Nord. Instead, it’s out of pure wonder at how powerful she is, her resilience against the tribulations she will have to go through at the hands of it, and the amount of cool stuff she gets to experience. The very first admission of his admiration for her was: “There is a growing need within me to provide for her and ensure her safety, though I know she is capable of doing these things for herself. I truly have nothing to offer that she doesn’t already possess. Her wealth appears limitless, guidance and accommodation are given readily just because of who she is, and her abilities in combat dwarf my own—a spellsword, like me, but in combination with that fucking voice of hers, she’s a lethal weapon.” As of right now in my fic, Fjoara doesn’t yet know enough about Teldryn to think any more of him than just that she is attracted to him, so I say this about Teldryn’s feelings for her to help illustrate the idea of her own eventual admiration.

The things that Fjoara values in another person are a bit misguided right now. As I said earlier, she struggles with her identity, and part of this is a disassociation from what she feels it means to be a “daughter of Skyrim,” a true Nord. Inadequacy is something that plagues her and this is highlighted when she says, “For a Nord, there is no greater shame than that which is found in cowardice, but it would be impossible for me to ease my mind of all fear. I still cannot comprehend why I was chosen for this duty when there are thousands of other more capable warriors than I. If I had been allowed to retain my normal life so that I could have someday utilized my skills to be High Queen of Skyrim, then I would have still held on to my honor. But now I am unsure what of it still remains, if any at all.” Therefore, what she admires most are the strong, militant warriors who know their way around a battleaxe. Another reason why she carries Dawnbreaker is to create the illusion that she actually is as such, but in truth, she is certainly no swordsman. Instead, Fjoara is actually a really talented mage. She studied at the College of Winterhold for less than a year, but she was able to get a firm grasp on Destruction and has dipped a little into Restoration, Illusion, and Alteration. Because of the attitude Nords harbor against mages, however, Fjoara doesn’t value this skill as much as she should. On another note, the “skills” she mentions in the quote are her inclinations towards diplomacy, leadership, and oration. As in, if one were to look at her skill tree, her speech skill would be way up there. Fjoara honestly would have made a really good High Queen, but that’s not the path set out for her anymore, and she hasn’t quite realized yet that she can still put these talents to good use as Dragonborn.

To rein in my tangent a bit, as with Teldryn, Fjoara also admires resilience in the face of hardship. She admires the fearlessness both he and Frea displays. She admires Frea’s selflessness and dedication to protecting her village. She admires people who have been through more in life than her and respects the wisdom she can glean from them. She admires Teldryn’s persistent good-humor in spite of adversity in the present and the traumas of his past. She admires Brynjolf’s cunning personality, even if it isn’t always to the best end. She also admires anyone who is artistically or musically gifted because she can’t do either for shit.