#besides U know i love my crushed ass vocals

[flipchild]

I remember being very obsessed with the following album at the time of its release and I'm glad that since then I've found different bitcrush emo to relate to my present situation, as the following no longer is as applicable (quiteeee as much... it's still rather applicable :////)

My spine is filled with so much anger

But I hope you've collected your thoughts

I will still contact you, but I wish that you'd talk first

And I grieve alone, go through everything alone

Which I'm used to but I started to get less used to it

I realize my mistake now

Said you tore me apart

And I'm not opposed to that

I couldn't help but call you back

To search for traits I clearly lack

And I shouldn't say I'm sorry but I'm

So fucking sorry

It became symbolic at the press of a button

It became a nightmare that never bloomed into a discussion

And I think I'm over it, yeah I'm really over it

I think the void in my heart's healing

I woke up with a purpose but I don't think I can handle

Another relationship that can just turn into a scandal

But I think I'm over it, yeah I'm really over it

I think I don't need you anymore

[thirsty-x1]

Crush On U | Han Seungwoo

Request:

crush on u is one of my favorite songs !!!! like..... it’s just so good. do you think you could write a smutty / angst sort of thing with seungwoo inspired by it??? i sorta get secret idol relationship from it but that’s just me !! it’s upto you ofc but i’d love to read that ⭐️����

↬ Pairing: Seungwoo x fem!reader

↬ Genre: Smut, slight Angst, Fluff, it has all of it

↬ Warnings: explicit language, oral sex, unprotected sex.

↬ Word Count: 2.7k

↬ A/N: please, I beg of you, listen to Crush On U before reading this story. This song was literally written and produced by Seungwoo in 2017 and he dedicated it to Alices. If you read the lyrics, you will notice he is a little teasing shit. I love him.

It wasn’t unusual for you to stare at the screen, smiling at the soft expressions your boyfriend made, answering now and then despite knowing that he couldn’t hear you anyway. You had grown used to it at some point: the cancelled dates, the abruptly ended phone calls, and the lack of messages. Sleeping alone wasn’t something that made you uncomfortable anymore, but there were small things that you couldn’t change. Somehow, you always ended up buying more food than necessary, or setting up the table for two, or playing a movie and turning around to make a comment to the unfilled seat beside you, or knocking on the studio door to ask something before realizing that there wasn’t going to be any reply. It saddened you, but there was nothing that Seungwoo could do to avoid it, either.

Touring, fan meetings, promoting, dance practice, vocal training, song writing, exercising… It was his dream and he was making it become a reality. You loved seeing his expression whenever they got recognized, or watching the fan cams and notice how much he really enjoyed being on the stage. Despite all that, your heart clenched whenever you realized that you weren’t by his side to celebrate his birthday, or his achievements, or any kind of holiday. All you could do was to smile whenever he got the opportunity to video call you, telling you about his whole day, and you had to hide your emotions in order to not make him feel guilty. Because you knew that he would end up blaming himself, even if both were aware of the situation.

Another of his videos started playing, this time a compilation of sweet interactions with his fans, and you melted. He was always so good, not just with you but with everyone surrounding him, and that was probably what you loved the most. Humble, kind, considerate… Those were mere words that couldn’t even start to describe how amazing Seungwoo really was. Up to this point, you had managed to control your jealousy and fear, but the insecurity kicked in every now and then, after all you still were human and couldn’t really help it.

A rush of loneliness washed over your body and you stopped the video, the still image of his gentle eyes almost bringing tears to your own. Sighing, you turned off the phone and started to walk towards the bedroom when a notification popped up, the bright screen distracting you for a bit.

Seungwoo ♥:

21:56 Open up, I have something to show you.

You quirked an eyebrow. Did he mean he had sent you a link or something? There weren’t any other messages though. After a few seconds, noticing that you didn’t reply, he sent another text.

Seungwoo ♥:

21:58 I meant the door. Open the door. I’m waiting.

The beating of your heart suddenly shoot up, an incessant ringing in your ears as you tried to process the words quickly. You read the message over and over again, as if to find something that indicated it was off. Were you asleep? The soft knocking on the door caught your attention and you ran towards it, not even thinking anymore as your hands fidgeted with the keys in hand, making it hard to open it, a tall figure completely covered coming into view. You could recognize it immediately: the scent, the bangs that covered his eyes under the black cap, the soft eyes that stared right back at you over the mask covering half of his face, his broad shoulders… Your arms were around him in a second, your face burying in his chest. He stumbled backwards, giggling as he held you closer, the air escaping your lungs in the tightest embrace ever.

“How are you here? I thought…”

“I haven’t seen you in months. You got even prettier, somehow.” You slapped his arm, knowing pretty well that you looked like a mess: hair tied up, wearing your old pajamas, bare faced. “I like you like this, I mean it.”

“Yes, well, I haven’t seen you all natural in a long time.” He laughed and took off the cap and the mask, showing his no-make up face and hair sticking out. “Not fair, even like this you look fucking gorgeous.”

As he laughed, you stepped aside to let him in, observing as he took off his jacket and left it on one of the chairs, sweat stains barely visible through his black shirt. You closed the door and stared at him incredulously, squinting your eyes and crossing your arms, his eyebrows shooting up when he finally realized your inquiring gaze.

“What?”

“Did you run here again?” He froze on the spot, giving himself away. “Last time you caught a cold because of that! Plus, you will get spotted easily, you aren’t really the kind of guy that goes unnoticed…”

While you kept nagging him, Seungwoo smiled and walked towards you, pinching your cheeks and stopping your blabbering before placing a kiss on your lips, shutting you up completely. Your whole face flushed a thousand colors, a mix of embarrassment and slight annoyance stirring up in your stomach as you controlled yourself and boop his nose lightly, although the touch denoted more.

“I couldn’t help it, the car is way too slow and I get anxious. Besides, they will always give me life lessons on the way.” You chuckled at his comment, giving up.

“You said you had something to show me, right? Your sole presence is enough but I’m still curious…” He brightened up at the mention of it and hurriedly grabbed his phone with one hand as the other took yours, pulling you to the sofa and making you sit on his lap.

“It’s a song… I-I made it. I want to show it to the agency and release it for the public.”

“Really? That’s amazing! Is it any of the ones that you showed me?” He shook his hand, biting his lip as he handed you the phone and snuggled his face on your shoulder.

“Just– Listen to it. I want you to be the first one to listen to it.”

Your chest filled with warmth as you pressed play, the beat being quite groovy. The lyrics didn’t take much time to come and they made your heart jump. Half of the song in, you could sense the knot in your throat and your sight getting blurry. The song drifted to the end, replaying and Seungwoo finally stopped hiding, wondering why you hadn’t said anything, eyes going wide when he saw the trails of tears run down your cheeks. He dried them with the sleeve of his shirt, no words coming out while he did it, not sure of what could he even say.

“I really liked it… I loved it so much.” Your voice broke while you were speaking and he took a deep breath, caressing your hair as you finally started sobbing loudly. “I’m sorry, I don’t… I can’t…”

“Shhh, I know. I know.” He cooed at you, softly swaying your body. “I love you, I really do. I know it’s not the best thing, but I swear I was completely sincere.” His words only made you cry even more.

“I love you too.” You started to recover, facing him. “I m-missed you so much…” He couldn’t help but to giggle at the small pout you were making, your swollen face looking way too adorable in his eyes.

He kept hugging you, waiting for you to stop, although he had to admit that he was also holding back his tears. When he noticed you had stopped crying and now were simply laying against his body, completely still, he realized that there was something else.

“You seem to be in deep thought.” You blinked a few times at his remark.

“Ah, yeah, well… You know… The lyrics are wonderful but the beat…” His expression turned serious, ready to take any criticism. “Isn’t it too suggestive?” Evidently, you had taken him by surprise.

“S-Suggestive?”

“Yes, like… The ‘babygirl’, the almost-moans, the feeling… It seems almost erotic.” He was pressing his lips, trying to not laugh at your furrowed brows. “I’m not sure I want everyone to hear you like this.”

Seungwoo chuckled again, running his nose on the side of your neck, sending chills down your spine as his hand started touching your thigh delicately. You could feel his hot breath against your skin, tickling your nape, his mouth close to your ear as his fingers played with your hair, letting it loose.

“Then how about I let you hear me now? In the way that only you can make me sound.”

His whisper was innocent but the connotation behind his words was the most sinful thing ever. You shifted your body to straddle him, leaving his phone aside, the song still playing as you attached his lips to yours. Melting into the kiss, you felt him massaging the inside of your thighs, and he left a soft sigh as you started to grind against him. The temperature between both of your bodies started to raise, the gentle touch turning into a needier one with each kiss, his hands slipping past the band of your pajamas and grasping your ass.

Tired of the teasing, your fingers tangled in his hair, eliciting a whine from him. That was it. Those were the sounds that only you could hear, that he never showed to anyone but you. You smiled and kissed him again, swallowing his tiny whimpers, biting his bottom lip when you felt his hardness against you. Slowing down, you got off him and kneeled, wasting no time in pulling his erect member out and sucking him off. Usually you would have teased him, but all this time abstaining from each other had been enough. You bobbed your head, making sure to lubricate him enough and his hands came to grip your hair, moving the few strands of your hair and as you ran your tongue along the underside of his shaft, you couldn’t help but to notice that small detail.

“Is this what you meant when you said you fell in love seeing my hair tied up?” He was about to explain when you suddenly engulfed his swollen tip, causing him to throw his head back.

“F-Fuck… Maybe I did.” The view before him was way too erotic, and he thanked the heavens for having you.

Maybe you were feasting yourself a little too much because Seungwoo finally tugged on your hair and pulled you up, changing your positions in a swift motion, his hands already discarding of your clothes. However, after all that and unlike you, he took his time: his fingernails grazing over your skin, stimulating you slowly. He started placing soft kisses on your skin in the lightest way possible, the contact was brief but so sweet that you didn’t dare to ask him to hurry up. You felt like groaning in frustration when he moved the fabric of your underwear aside, the pad of his fingers rubbing on your folders, starting by the outer zone and then drifting to your middle, slipping in his middle and ring fingers as he teased your clit with his thumb. It was so loving, so devoted, and so eternal. The sensation started to become too much as he fingered you, his tongue lapping at your juices.

Just like he had done before, you gripped his hair, but even if you tried to stop him, that only seemed to motivate him even more. He became more passionate, his pace picking up as his eyes fixed on your expression, seeing you in complete bliss almost made him cum on the spot. As you started to tighten around him, he pressed up, smirking when he found your spot and you came unexpectedly. He got up, leaving you empty as he indicated you to open your mouth to suck on his fingers, keeping you busy with your own taste as he aligned and thrust into you, your moan muffled. It wasn’t long until his own sounds started to fill the air, sounding like music to your ears, the song playing for the trillion time as he fucked you to the rhythm. The overstimulation traveled through your body, your nails digging into his back through his shirt, and you had to hold back in order to not paint his whole neck with purple and red. As his hips faltered, he hid his face on the crook of your neck, burying himself deep inside of you each time, your second orgasm ripping through you almost at the same time as he started spilling into you, filling you in the most delicious way.

For a few minutes, he didn’t move, enjoying the closeness and the warmth that both of your bodies exchanged. Both of you hissed when he pulled out, and you couldn’t help but to chuckle as he panicked seeing his seed drip out of you, taking off his shirt as a last resource to try and not make a mess. Maybe it wasn’t the best decision, considering that the sight of his exposed chest and abdomen had you biting your lips, making him get startled and laugh at your reaction.

“Like what you see?” A dumbfounded smile spread on his face, complete innocence and dorkiness taking over in contrast to the hot mess he was just before.

“I have always liked what I see.”

Not too long after that, both were laying down, cuddling on the bed. Suddenly, all the lonely nights evaporated into nothing as you inhaled his scent, your hands drawing nothings on his exposed skin. Your fingers traced his tattoos, the line of his muscles, his jaw… All in the most deliberate way, as if you were trying to engrave every detail into your memory for when he went away again. His eyes tried to do the same, watching every expression you made, the sound of your voice, getting goosebumps at your thoughtful touch. His chest fluttered a little.

“You know… I really meant what I said on the song.” You nodded absent-mindedly. He shook his head, grabbing your chin lightly so you would look at him and focus. “I genuinely want to fill the rest of my future with you. I don’t feel like hiding this anymore.”

No sound left your mouth. Those were the exact words you wanted to hear since so long, but right now, there was something off. Even if he said that, you knew that next morning he wasn’t going to be by your side, nor the day after that. You knew that he wouldn’t be with you on the rainy days, or to hold you when you felt lonely. You also knew that it wasn’t easy to come out to the public, and that his career could get damaged from it. Yet you wanted that, you wanted him all to yourself, and you felt selfish for it.

“Even if I feel the same way, I think it’s better like this. At least for now. I’m happy to just be with you, and to see people love you like I do. You deserve this and I don’t want it to be taken away from you, what if you end up–”

“I won’t regret it.” He cut you off abruptly, sitting down in the bed and stared into your eyes. “I have more than just a crush on you. It’s so much more. Maybe it won’t last a life time, maybe it will, I can’t know that, but I do know that I want to live with you each day from now on.”

“Me too.” There was no use in fighting against him. You believed his words, but you couldn’t do that to him anyway. “The song… The song is enough for me. Each time I listen to it, I’ll remember you and your promises. Let’s make it our own, personal secret.”

“Fine.” He chuckled, surrendering to you. “I will make my huge crush on you public through the song.”

You were thankful that he took it in a good way, your body snuggling against you to enjoy what was left of the night in his tight embrace. Both stayed asleep, not thinking about what was going to happen the next day and just seizing the short moments you shared, making them undying.

I am: soft. I love his song so much so I really hope I made it some justice with this story ㅠㅅㅠ Please, go stream it because he deserves it so fucking much.

~Nani

unedited

[hyperdrivehearts]

YouseemedtoreallylikethelastoneandIlovehearinghowotherpeoplewritethedisasterchildrenso Headcanon time! How often do Yusei and Kalin get sick? What makes them frustrated or irritable? Does Yusei get petty towards Jack and Crow? What are Yuseis feelings for Akiza?

DIASASTER CHILDREN IM–?? u right tho, u right,, Kalin and Yus are grade A+ disasters. And yes!! I love when people want to know about my boys it makes me super happy asdgbjsdhlsd

- How often do Yusei and Kalin get sick? 

Not often, thankfully! As children, they probably were sick a lot more often, and in Satellite, it’s not that sanitary to begin with so there was a constant exposure to germs and bacteria, which does thankfully increase the power of the immune system later in life. (Kalin probably does get sick more often than Yusei does, due to having, y’know, died.)

The unfortunate flip side to this, is that when they get sick, they get sick hard. No matter what he’s caught, Yusei tries to hide it as best as possible, but there’s only so much you can hide when you’re coughing up lungs from a bad cold, y’know? He’s not the type to want people to dote over him, because he knows other people need him, but he does eventually give into being taken care of, because he knows they only mean well. Though, it’s a challenge and a half to keep him in bed, because there’s always things to be done– even if it takes him longer to recover.

Kalin is very similar: he doesn’t want people taking care of him, but unlike Yusei, he doesn’t eventually give in as easily and it’s like pulling teeth from a crocodile. If you thought he was in a bad mood normally, be glad you haven’t seen him sick. (He’s so lucky that Yusei loves him as much as he does.) It’s honestly like taking care of a child; his appetite vanishes and he won’t eat properly, constantly picking at his food, not to mention that he will just refuse to have any medicine besides his antidepressants.

Yusei is VERY patient with Kalin and Kalin begrudgingly does what’s required of him when Yusei’s taking care of him. When it’s Jack or Crow? It ends in a lot of frustration on both sides.

FUN FACT! Because of Kalin’s lowered body temperature from being a Dark Signer, he won’t know if he has a fever or not, and will play a lot of the symptoms off as him just being cold or just having a headache and needing a nap. There has been a few scares where hes actually passed out because of it

Under the cut again!!

-What makes them frustrated or irritable? 

A lot for the both of them, actually! Kalin and Yusei display anger/frustration in two very different ways.

Kalin can and will get angry at very small and mundane things. Someone did something he was going to do? Expect an annoyed growl. Someone touched his shit in his room? Another growl. He is extremely vocal about his anger and lashes out very, very easily and this is something I plan to explore in my fic one I actually get to those parts lmao, but he isn’t afraid to tell someone (or something) to piss off.

Kalin needs immediate release when he’s angry of frustrated. He can’t keep it bottled in at all because it festers and gets worse. He’ll take walks or drives around, something passive. He should not duel in a state of anger, because that damage can very easily turn real when he’s no longer in control of his emotions. It isn’t strange to see him yell at someone, and immediately turn around and punch a wall or tree, because it needs to get out.

If he releases these emotions verbally, there’s usually a lot of swearing involved. (He has yelled profanities at the door frame he just walked into, thanks for asking.)

Yusei is different. He isn’t easy to anger, but quick to annoy and irk. He’s someone where you can tell it through body language and only body language. Narrowed eyes, strangely silent and clammed shut, dirty glares. It’s a very passive aggressive anger. He’ll still talk to you like normal, but he would be much more sarcastic than usual and you can just.. tell that you pissed him off through his actions. (A good example of this would be Yusei revving his engine to get the attention of his friends right in the first episode. Just use your words, boy.)

Piss Yusei off enough, however, he will turn things physical, and he is not afraid to do so. If he can justify his anger, he can justify his hands being thrown. Take Tanner or anyone who has called certain cards worthless: that sets Yusei off, because he knows what it’s like to be tossed aside and called worthless, he’s from Satellite for fucks sake, but he also knows he has worth as a person and those cards have worth to be in someone’s deck and not in the trash. Abusing and taking advantage of people, insulting his friends, and insulting his pride as a duelist are really the only things that make him angry. (Say for Goodwin. Goodwin as a whole pisses him off for a multitude of reasons and he would NOT hesitate to punch his lights out.)

Yusei luckily doesn’t hold grudges like Kalin does, and if you leave him be, it’ll be like smothering out a small, angry flame with a blanket. He’ll forgive you, and things will go back to normal relatively quickly, but he won’t fucking forget.

Sometimes, it doesn’t always smother out, and he’ll think and think about what made him annoyed, until it’s at the point of anger and he can’t focus properly (Instead, he focuses on what’s making him angry.) A scene in the manga describes it better than I could: he’s thinking about Sect while working on his runner instead of resting up, and he keeps thinking about Sect until he’s genuinely angry and SLAMS his wrench to the floor.

TLDR: When Yusei’s angry, his actions speak louder than his words, while Kalin is almost the opposite: both are loud and he’s giving himself a headache.

- Does Yusei get petty towards Jack and Crow? 

Crow? Not so much. As I said above, he doesn’t usually verbalize his emotions, and Crow “gets” him quite a lot as a person. Crow is someone Yusei can very easily forgive, because he hasn’t been wronged severely by him. Yusei is still sarcastic as ever with him though, but he’s like that with everyone.

When Kalin became part of the team, Crow was VERY against it, and he made it hella known enough for Kalin to storm outwith tears in his eyes. That, that made Yusei go off in retaliation and it was probably the angriest Crow has seen Yusei, say for the raw anger Yusei felt when Kalin turned to dust in his arms. (Boy was he pissed at the Dark SIgners.)

Jack on the other hand, has wronged him, and has wronged Yusei enough to severely hurt him and his trust. Stealing his runner and card by putting their friend in danger? That took a very long time to heal over (and one hell of an angry cry by Yusei.) Truthfully, I don’t think Yusei will ever 100% fully trust Jack again, but he’s forgiven him. (Mostly, he’ll bring it up when he’s annoyed enough, and Jack is really the only person he gets “snappy” at outside of a duel who wasn’t an antagonist.

Yusei is the type of person to leave a thimble of milk left in the jug SOLELY because he knows Jack is the next one to need it.

TLDR: Yusei petty af with everyone but especially Jack Atlas.

- What are Yuseis feelings for Akiza?             

Let me make this 100% clear right off the bat: My Yusei holds absolutely ZERO romantic interest in Akiza, even though she did have a crush on Yusei, it was not requited. Akiza is like a sister to Yusei (and dating your sister would be weird.) Yusei understood that he was the first male in a long time in Akiza’s life that she genuinely felt safe around and that she had mistook the feeling for attraction. (Comphet is a bitch.) Yusei is far from the type of person to lead her on– he can barely tell someone in a gentle tone that he’s not interested, because he doesn’t want to accidentally risk broken bonds. In that aspect, he kinda just let her be but still trusted and respected her immensely.

Platonically speaking, Yusei LOVES Akia. He honestly trusts her with his life (and with Stardust, who he values more than his own life but don’t tell Stardust that.) He knows he can always trust Akiza to give her honest opinion, no matter how brutal it may be, and will seek her out specifically for her advice. Crow’s advice is mostly what he’d do in a certain situation, which isn’t always the same as what Yusei would do. (And Jack gives horrible advice, so Yusei isn’t going to even bother there,) but Akiza genuinely understands him and that’s?? super important to me?? I just really love their their bond??

Yusei thinks Akiza is amazing in every possible way, that she’s strong and absolutely refuses to back down. He knows not to mess with Akiza, because he’s get his ass kicked.

When Kalin and Yusei started dating again during the WRGP, I am certain Akiza would have been at least a little heartbroken, but it’s also the first time in a while that Yusei had been so genuinely happy. By that type, she had built a solid friendship  with Kalin because he understood the parts of her that Yusei could not. Akiza felt like a monster, Kalin was a monster. (honestly?? between the three of them, there is a solid support system in Team 5Ds.)

[teruthecreator]

💘 for macknerva!!

anon, you are a genius. you’ve basically just sent the magical question that has now unlocked for the world: macknerva origin story (bc honestly i realized i just start posting abt it without rlly explaining it??? and someone people are loving it??? so thank yall for being my ultimate favs but u deserve this origin) 

also this is several days late (thank u Depression) and also super long (thank u Dumb Brain) so i hope you can forgive me for both of these things   

💘: who developed a crush on the other first? 

it’s time we take it back....Back To The Start.  

so since this is my magical world of My Own Personal Canon (since i stole griffin mcelroys rights), minerva ends up in Kepler in a completely unnamed and not talked abt manner (bc im too tired to explain my general alternate theory hgkgldlgbfhke but busically she just got on a ship to earth to avoid dying) and is staying with duck until further notice. she doesn’t mind laying low at duck’s apartment until they’re able to figure out Everything and get her set up w a place of her own (spoiler alert: that never happens, but duck won’t admit he just misses having a roommate so they let it slide). 

after about a month (which feels like eons in minerva’s mind), she starts to get antsy. she’s already been introduced to the pine guard and amnesty lodge, by this point, so she’s constantly trying to hang out with someone so she isn’t stuck in duck’s apartment all hours of the day. 

which is how minerva ends up in the cryptonomica the day kirby has to run into his job at the theatre for a good portion of the day. it’s pretty empty in the shop--i mean museum, so it’s not like ned minds (plus him and mack have already struck up an agreement, which i explained in a previous post abt ned and macks friendship) especially when minerva’s around to willingly pick up the slack. 

but this second job has minerva curious: 

minerva: I assumed your assistant, Kirby, had only the singular position at your museum?  ned, from behind the counter: Oh, for a while he did, but then the theatre opened up and his services were needed elsewhere. And who am I, Ned “Theatrical” Chicane, to deny such a marvelous establishment of the skills and technical prowess Kirby possesses?”  minerva: Oh? A theatre, you say? 

here comes some random personal hc: on her homeworld, minerva was involved in her planet’s form of theatre (which i’ve always pictured to be very greek-esque, thus explaining her naturally booming voice) and absolutely adored it as a hobby. she, obviously, understands there will be a difference between Earthen theatre and the theatre she once performed; but there is no denying that that thought barely crossed her mind as she proceeded to pester ned about the theatre until he suggested she get a part-time job there. 

(ned knows mack’s struggles with keeping hires at the theatre, which is why he is quick to suggest minerva get a job there. that, and ned knows enough abt mack at this point to pretty accurately guess her Type. so let’s just say ned was doing this for both macks gain, but also for his gain to be able to harass her abt her hot new employee that he totally inflicted on her on purpose) 

ned probably brings it up later that night, or the next day. just really casually drops that he has someone interested in a position at the theatre:

mack: Holy fuck--yes, Ned! Tell them they’re hired!!! What can they do?   ned: Hmmmmm, well she’s quite fit, and has no qualms with getting her hands dirty.  mack: Oh, perfect! I need some more set builders! Thanks a whole lot, Ned. I knew you’d always have my back.  ned, knowing full well what he’s just wrought: Oh, of course, dear Mackerel. Anything for a friend! 

cue the next day: mack is just going about the theatre, business as usual, staying sort of close to the house doors so she can be Right There when ned comes in with the new hire. she’s faced away from the doors, checking something on her phone (probably her texts with ned, to see if he’s arrived yet) when she hears the doors open and shut. mack turns around to witness the Hottest Woman She Has Ever Seen In Her Goddamn Life. 

she’s tall--holy shit is she tall--with beautiful dark skin painted with these almost glowing blue tattoos that travel all the way across powerful arms and a prominent collarbone. but the tattoos don’t stop there, of course they don’t. they go all the way up to this woman’s bald head, perfectly framing her beautiful face. high cheekbones, strong chin, a wonderful nose (mack doesn’t have much of a preference for noses but this one is perfect she just knows it), masterfully-carved eyebrows that look like they were chiseled out of stone, and those enchanting, bright, beautiful bright blue eyes.  

mack’s brain basically short-circuits once minerva smiles at her (with those pearly white teeth and a grin so inviting it feels like her whole heart is melting), so she’s barely able to process the smug ned beside minerva. 

@goforduck drew this scene for me a while back and imma show it to u all bc i love him, his art, and the hot takes he gives my special lil ship: 

needless to say, mack Is Attracted, but i wouldn’t necessarily consider it a crush. meanwhile, minerva’s pov, she’s so damn excited for this job that she’s practically vibrating on the way in. and then, like romantic poetic would have it, all of that energy halts as time stands still and minerva locks eyes with....mack.  

mack definitely looks a little disheveled, but it’s like every fly-away hair crowns her head like a halo as those gemstones-for-eyes lock w minerva. she’s never seen someone she has felt so immediately attracted to in her life. but, that being said, she still does not Have A Crush. 

so after all the awkward blustering (AKA mack tripping over every eighth word as minerva turns on the Charm to keep that blush on mack’s freckled face) mack starts to get minerva accustomed to the work environment and the tasks she’d need to do. eventually, she hands minnie off to kirby bc shes got work to do, and the rest of the day goes by uneventfully. 

now minerva works at the theatre, and she’s Delighted w it. the job is easy but entertaining, she’s making friends, her knowledge of the world is expanding, and she now has a target for some very playful flirting and obvious showing-off of her muscles. because, listen....she has Eyes. she Knows mack always blusters whenever she’s around. and she knows herself, too. mack is cute and minerva likes making her blush. but there hasn’t been that moment where things are taken seriously.  

until about a month in, when minerva walks into something she maybe shouldn’t have but also definitely should have. 

you see, mack has a very important ritual in the morning. she arrives at the theatre at the absolute ass crack of dawn so she can get her yoga/stretching/vocal warmups in (since she is still a performer at heart and this has been her routine since college) and then sit by herself on the stage just sorta soaking it all in before kirby comes in with her coffee (which she needs in order to get up from her seated position on the stage bc she is that much of a coffee addict). just about every employee on staff knows not to even bother coming in this early bc 1. this ritual is very Private and Sacred to mack and 2. ur not even gonna be able to speak to her unless ur kirby w her coffee. 

“just about” encompasses every employee except for minerva, who decides to show up before kirby to bring mack her coffee (that she memorized after cornering kirby for the specifics one day) 

so she comes in the back entrance and is sort of at a loss as to where mack may be bc she doesn’t know mack’s routine. and she’s just kinda wandering aimlessly through all the shops and little rooms until she reaches the wings, where she hears the gentle strumming of a guitar. 

she approaches, with all the caution of a woman who has spent years mastering the art of stealth along w her combat studies, and comes upon the following scene: 

mack is seated in the exact center of the stage, eyes shut peacefully as her body sways to the tempo of the song she’s strumming on the guitar she’s playing (which minerva recognizes as the guitar that some idiot pit member left here about two weeks ago). she’s singing (the song is Dream A Little Dream of Me), and her voice is so soft yet so resonate that minerva feels as if she could stand right next to her or be 1000 feet away and hear the exact same thing. and she sounds so good, so completely in the song she’s performing and in her contentedness that it eases some subconscious unease minerva was holding. in the time minerva’s known mack, it’s the most natural she’s ever heard or seen her, just playing for an invisible audience in the dim lights of a theatre not yet awakened. 

minerva doesn’t realize she’s drifting closer to mack until she steps on an uneven plank, and the noise snaps mack out of her little world as she turns to the noise. needless to say, she’s a little surprised that minerva’s here this early, but then minerva wordlessly hands her her coffee and so mack could care less. she accepts the drink w a smile and then decides to go to her office to get started on some business emails. 

it isn’t until mack has already left the stage, and minerva is still stuck in the same position she was when she handed mack her coffee--heart racing a million miles a minute, face hot, and stomach feeling as if an entire colony of butterflies suddenly took refuge there--that minerva realizes that she is Endlessly, Hopelessly Fucked In Love. 

So yeah, TLDR; Minerva was first. 

[tugboatringo]

i saw arctic monkeys last night and now i have to write an essay about how amazing it was

arctic monkeys are my favorite contemporary band (and possibly my favorite band in general but i like too many to easily choose a top contender), and i knew they were a great live band because i’d always heard that and also watched live videos of them several times before, but it still exceeded my expectations by far. and i’m biased obviously, but my sister and i also went with our brother too, who isn’t a huge fan of them but even he was absolutely blown out of the water by them. and i was thinking the entire time they were playing “i have to tell everyone about [x point i realized watching them]” because i was such a wide-eyed baby all the way up on the balcony. i have to tell you this shit.

i’m gonna start with their opening act mini mansions. now i’ll admit i’d heard of them because i know alex turner worked with them over the hiatus but i’d never really listened to them before. and i just have to say, they were really good. do check them out. i ended up buying their shirt when the merch place had run out of the tour shirt that i wanted (i’ll get into them, i’m listening to them on spotify as i type this). the last few songs they performed especially kicked ass, they really got more and more into it as their set list went on, and it was smart the way they did that. so, i recommend them. they were a good opening act and you should check them out. “honey i’m home” was my favorite i’d heard live (that i’ve figured out the name of yet jgfidhu the last song they did was still a little more kickass).

but as good as those guys were, when arctic monkeys came on they immediately blew every other band i’d seen before right out of the water. all the instrumentalists killed it, never missed a beat, alex’s vocals were unwaveringly as good in person as they are on the studio version (except for in some cases on tbhc where his low singing was sometimes kind of noticeably harder for him and came out breathy, but he actually had no problem with any of that live) - and not just that. as much as i feel like listening to an arctic monkeys album is an experience, and that many of their songs feel like they surround you..... at the concert, it was so different from listening to the studio version. it really was better, it was stronger, it not only surrounded you but closed in on you. it was so engaging yet it didn’t seem like it tried to be at all. i’ve seen a good amount of bands in person - 4/6 concerts i’ve been to featured a total of four bands - but no band i’d seen before was that entertaining. it had never felt miles more than listening to the cd before. i don’t know how they did it, but it was incredible. it was constantly surprising. like i said, i’d really never seen a live band that surprised me more than that. no gimmics either (unless you count the cool ass lights but plenty of concerts do that), they didn’t tell any jokes or anything, and they were serious in their execution, they didn’t appear to be half as stoked as the entire crowd seemed to be yet.... they just blew you away. not just the songs, but each one of them.

as i’ve stated before my favorite arctic monkeys album is humbug all day any day, and like a lot of big fans of arctic monkeys i don’t think am is their best album even though i absolutely understand why that was the album that attracted so much of their fan base and gave em a second peak. but i gained a new appreciation for it after seeing those songs performed live, in person. i’d never seen it captured in live videos of them before (again, it really does feel unimaginably different really being there) but most of the am songs they performed live were some of the most entertaining songs they’d performed live, especially knee socks, r u mine? and do i wanna know (in that order). it made me think... i think the only way they could have written and produced that album, was after years of touring and playing for crowds and getting better and better at getting the audience into it. i swear those songs were made first and foremost for the purpose of playing it for an audience, whether or not all the members had that in mind during its production. of course brianstorm and crying lightning and pretty visitors and the view from the afternoon and even four out of five kicked ass live too, comparably as much to those, but... i don’t think those were made for the audience as much as the studio version. i don’t think those were as much more entertaining live as the am tracks.

and you know the fuck what???/ do you KNOW the fuck what???? i absolutely adore nick o’malley. i adore all of marctic onkeys as musicians and people unconditionally, but nick o’malley made my autistic lesbian heart stop. i just wanted to pat him on the head and give him a hug he’s the cutest person and i love him. and he wore this really nice ;_____; long sleeved white dress shirt that looked ;______; so darn handsome on him this is nick’s era before it is anyone else’s fite me i just *crushes rock w my fist* *crunches on remains* I LOVE NICK O’MALLEY

and one last anecdote...... i didn’t think anything hilarious was going to happen that night. and for most people in that stadium to my knowledge, nothing did. but..... well, so i was sitting on the balcony, right? there was a row below me, and the people’s heads in that row were at the same level as people’s knees in mine. and in front of me was this dad-looking guy. probably in his late 50s like my parents. there was a fair amount of dad-lookin guys i noticed. and at some point during songs mostly on fwn and humbug, for a couple of songs, he just... laid his head against my knees, and fell asleep. and he was really pushing his head on them, i don’t know???? what he thought my knees were???? did he realize that they were a person’s knees??? did he think it was the seat???? did he not wonder was he was resting his head on before he fell asleep???? he stayed asleep for at least two full length songs and then during “r u mine?” he was fully awake and JAMMING along this bastard was doing air guitar like sHE’s a SiLVeR LiNIn LOnE rANgEr riDIn THrOuGH aN OpEN sPAcE IN MY MIND WHEN SHE’S NOT RIGHT THERE BESIDE MEE I GO CRAaAZY and it was all ??????? so fucking WEIRD so for all the “true fans” of arctic monkeys (or whatever they think of themselves as) who bitch about 15 year olds who only know do i wanna know and r u mine getting better seats at a concert than they got i’ll have you know..... the only one of those i saw all night was a 50 year old man who - rather than not recognizing earlier monkeys material - literally fell asleep during it. what point am i making with these???? i don’t even know exactly. but uh, i guess it isn’t fifteen year olds who are the least.... true(?) fans of arctic monkeys at the concert. and it shouldn’t be surprising be young fans to be engaged either now that i think of it - young people are all over this band, they’re the ones who are most obsessed. it’s the 50-something dads who only know the am hits i guess.... i guess.

that’s all i can think that i wanted to say last night. basically, i just wanted to get seeing my favorite modern band live off my bucket list in my youth and while i still had the chance, and it still managed to be way better than i expected it. if you like this band to any degree, if you have a chance, see them live for yourself. i really can’t believe how different it was from watching live videos of them all these years - for most bands it doesn’t feel that much better in person. but i genuinely hope i see arctic monkeys at least once more in the future. i’m sure my twin sister diana does. heck, my brother dan said he does too, and he’s seen a lot of concerts. i can’t recommend it enough. but you know now more important i have hugging nick o’malley to cross off next on my list of arctic monkeys-related life goals. i’m not sure how i’m going to execute that one, but. i have time.

[intothespideyverses]

a modest reinterpretation of “andi’s choice” in c-minor (inspired by a post by @ambimack)

in which bowie ghostwrites a song, andi tries to go ghost on walker, and [insert third awful ghost pun here]: 

so bowie is actually ringing up customers for once at the music store that I figured rarely got business because helloo it’s always damn near empty but I guess today there was a surge of customers seeking out guitar picks and vinyls to show how Cultured and Unique they were for listening to the beatles or whomever. anyway jonah is on his guitar, doing as jonahs are wont to do, and bowie drops the bomb on him with “so yeah remember that music coach I told you about? she hates you. she quite frankly and literally wants you dead. she told me this herself. why didn’t you show up???” and jonah’s like “andi don’t fw me anymore :(” which isn’t rly an answer bc lbr here homeboy was ALREADY running late. you mean to tell me him staring at that painting took 4 whole minutes? nah. 

so anyway bowie’s like “hm let’s change that” bc manipulating your daughter’s emotions behind her back is cool I guess. bowie, totally not projecting in any way whatsoever, suggests that jonah write andi a song. jonah’s not about it tho. “I can’t talk about my feelings!” he says, which is true considering he only just started exhibiting negative emotions for the first time ever last week. bowie goes, “sure u can! what rhymes with back?” and jonah almost says “crack!” bc thats clearly what bowie’s been on for the past 2 episodes but lemme not.

anyway jump to andi @ the spoon and her boo thang who’s not rly her boo thang yet bc terri hates us is facetiming her again. “so andi, my wife whom I would die for, what’s up?” and andi replies “my best friend is moving away :(” so walker, the understanding king he is, goes “aw pick your head up queen, your crown’s falling :’)” and tells her to go be with her friends and something about a bubble machine idk but w/e we still stan.

buffy comes in w/ all the junk the ghc left at her house including a knockoff tamagotchi which seems kinda before andi’s time?? like she was supposedly 7 when she got it which would have been around 2010? but once again w/e we still stan. and buffy reads the recommendation letter cyrus’ mom wrote for him which seemed a tad incomplete. “I can’t believe my mom forgot to add three references, what a waste...” he sighs.

but walker comes in and andi’s like “tf didn’t u just tell me to drink bubble soap and be w/ my friends? what r u doing here?” and walker, the modern day da vinci, says “im here to draw ur friends as a going away present for your fellow queen, buffy” and buffy looks shooketh like hey if andi don’t want him go get him sis! 

so walker draws a louvre level artist rendering of the ghc and instead of appreciating the fact that walker could probably make an exact recreation of the mona lisa, andi’s like “*rolls eyes emoji* *sucks teeth emoji* now i got TWO of these little boys after me what the fuck -_-” but that doesn’t matter bc buffy and cyrus are LIVING for it. 

“im gay so clearly im the better sassy best friend, step tf back bitch”

“the sassy best friend stereotype was made for my black ass cyrus so if you think for even a second I won’t claim my rightful spot you are sadly mistaken”

“let me have this one thing buffy I can’t even say the word gay out loud on this damn show can I at least have this?? can I?”

buffy takes a sip of her virgin margarita and goes...

anyway back at the music shop, jonah has just finished practicing the song bowie ghostwrote for him. jonah’s like “great this is perfect for me to sing outside andi’s window” and bowie quite litcherally flips a table and goes “you rly thought u were gonna pull that corny shit??? what year is it?? 1985 called they want their courtship technique back lol what a loser” and jonah’s like hm perhaps he really is on crack but doesn’t say it out loud bc that would hurt bowie’s feelings :/. bowie says that he already booked jonah to perform at the open mic being held THAT NIGHT lmao and jonah just about has another panic attack bc what??

“what??” he asks bowie who is too busy thinking about him performing “you girl” to bex when they were younger to even remember who jonah even is. jonah’s quite honestly shitting himself and wondering what tf he’s going to do. “being around you” is cute and all but it doesn’t go nearly as hard as andi deserves, especially if he now has to compete with artsy fartsy walker who could probably redo the sistine chapel all by himself if he rly wanted to. “hm..........how can one convey how truly deep in their feelings they are for the one they love?” jonah asks the universe, bc hey it seems to always work for bowie. 

the universe responds by sending a speeding car full of college kids blasting aubrey graham’s newest hit single right into the storefront window. 

“that’s it!” 

jonah’s handing out flyers at the spoon and cyrus literally melts into a puddle and I’m pretty sure this is the first nod to his crush on jonah since he came out to andi wow. andi’s like “since when do u do anything aside from throwing a plastic disc?” and jonah’s like “last week 🤗"

they go to the open mic and some girlie is throwing it DOWN w/ her accordion but bowie being the uncultured swine he is, pulls her off the stage. “anywayyyy here’s our final performance and the only reason we held this show tonight, give a big round of applause to jonah beck!”

jonah walks out with his guitar and an amazon copyrighted product shaped like a portable speaker. bowie’s like 🤨 bc this was supposed to be an acoustic performance tf does he need a backing track for? jonah sits down on his lil stool and clears his throat. “alexa play ‘in my feelings, jonah beck cover’”. the device plays a track consisting of jonah’s angelic backing vocals, and our boy begins to strum his guitar. he opens his mouth to croon...

“trap...trap bowie bowie”

bowie’s chiseled jaw drops to dirty ass music shop floor. “this is...not what I planned.”

“this stuff’s got me in my feelings...gotta be real w/ it...”

the entire audience has a collective heart attack. 

“an-di, do u luv me? r u riding? say you’ll never ever leave from beside me, cause I want ya and I need ya, and I’m down for u always...”

buffy and cyrus catch whiplash from turning so fast to face andi.��“the song’s about YOU bitch!”

andi shakes her lil head. “puh-lease, no it’s not”

cyrus, doing his best not to cry, says “he literally just said ur name but go off”

andi’s in denial bc eww j*n*h b*ck? singing a song? for her? disgusting. but jonah keeps singing his little heart out and the lyrics are more and more damning as they go on. 

“trap, trap bowie bowie...I buy you rice on a string cause you not that showy”

“art 101 cause u just like zoey”

“fuck he is singing about me...”

“fudge that netflix and chill what’s ur net-net-net worth?” jonah sings, hitting an impossible high note. queen of vocals. 

“you’re the only one I luv~~~” he serenades, serving us mariah carey level whisper notes. ariana is cancelled! our boy finishes the song, basking in the thought of how many careers he singlehandedly ended by performing at this small hole-in-the-wall music shop in bumfuck, utah. drake your days are numbered sis. 

everyone immediately deserts the shop en masse like did y’all see how fast they all left last episode?? damn. buffy and cyrus stay behind while andi is frozen sitting in her chair bc what the hell does one say to that. 

bowie goes up to jonah and is like “so um...that was...different.” and jonah responds “ikr! see, ‘being around you’ felt too old school, too...2002. idk why that year specifically, but idk it just sounds like it was written in 2002 for a completely different person, maybe even bex, but what do I know? im just your friendly neighborhood jonah beck.” bowie is shook. “anyway, do u think andi liked it?” bowie looks up to see his dorder who he’s more or less forgot about in favor of m*randa and demon child for the past couple of days walking in slow motion to the stage. how she was doing that was beyond him. “well, she looks like she’s about to cry so that’s either a very good thing or a very bad thing. ur on ur own now bud.” and he skidaddles to where bex is waiting. oh yeah bex was in this episode too I forgot. 

andi approaches jonah and he’s like “...so...song....you like?” and andi’s internally screaming bc everyone for the past several weeks has been pushing this relationship on her including jonah himself and now he just sung this song in front of all these ppl and now she pretty much HAS to kiss him so anyway ya she does. 

when she pulls away jonah blinks. “oh...dosche”

THE END. 

will andi finally break up with jonah for good? will jonah avoid copyright infringement for covering a drake song on disney channel? will bowie seek help for his crack addiction? find out next time on dragonball z!

[thewrathofheaven]

Aight give me the gay shit while I’m at work 👏🏻

DON’T SET FIRE TO MY SHIPS; accepting

gay shit incoming y’all ain’t even ready for this hold onto your towels b/c it’s about to go down

1. KILLS THE SPIDERS: Xiahou Dun.If you thought any differently, you’re wrong. And if Cao Cao requested him to carry out a tiny insect in a cup or daintily catch it in a kleenex without crushing it, you bet your ass Xiahou Dun would do it--though not without grumbling or complaint, but that’s half the fun out of giving him obscene requests.

2. PROPOSED: Cao Cao would suggest it in passing, and when given enough cues, Xiahou Dun might consider it. But I feel like he’d be much more comfortable sort of accepting their relationship as something on the back burner as opposed to making it official for everyone to know about. Even if it were the case, they’d both likely lie about their rings, or wear them on a chain around their neck--or not at all. But at the end of the day, Cao Cao’s dreams and ambitions are more important than other people’s opinions. That includes the “proper” way of proposing, if there even is one.

3. KISSED THE OTHER FIRST: outside of Dun kneeling to kiss Cao Cao’s hand and / or ring on his finger respectfully? It might be Xiahou Dun even still, after having too much wine. Or it might be Cao Cao in a similar situation. Or quite frankly, they might even be sober as all hell. Either way, it’ll be behind closed doors, spontaneous and emotionally-charged. Because they both are pretty obvious about how much they mean to each other, it’s just that additional step that is hard to take.

4. INITIATES THINGS: Listen, if Xiahou Dun is bold enough to speak his mind and put Cao Cao in his place in front of other people, he’s just as capable of taking initiative behind the scenes as well. If he wants something, he’ll go for it unless Cao Cao insists otherwise. Just as Cao Cao is in return. It just depends on the mood, how much alcohol is flowing, and how long they’ve been apart. Though really, it’s a give and take relationship--even if Cao Cao does most of the taking. He does give a lot emotionally though. but not publicly.

5. WOULD LEAVE THE OTHER: Cao Cao does when he dies. That’s it. Otherwise they don’t. Ever. Reasonably speaking in terms of a romantic relationship rather than a professional one, neither Cao Cao nor Xiahou Dun would be able to do it even if they wanted to, because they’d both be too concerned about harming the other person emotionally and mentally.

6. IS MORE JEALOUS: Xiahou Dun. Say it with me: X i a h o u    D u n. Though it’s selective, case in point with Guan Yu. It’d probably be in terms of other men in Cao Cao’s life, or select undeserving women he gives too much attention to. As a result, Xiahou Dun will vocally warn him of his displeasure despite knowing that he is Cao Cao’s numero uno. 

7. IS LAZIER: again, no laziness. Though I’ll admit, Cao Cao is more prone to just ask Xiahou Dun to do things for him rather than doing it himself. Why? Because Xiahou Dun complies and gives him honest feedback, even if it’s just grumbling. Even when he’s unhappy with the requests and Cao Cao’s choices, he doesn’t respect Cao Cao any less, nor does he try and kiss ass, or go out of his way to try and regain favour. Besides, the more that Cao Cao requests him to fulfill minuscule tasks, the more of an excuse he has to have Xiahou Dun sort of milling around. And even if only grumbles a few words or grunts in ire, he knows that he’s there, and that alone is more comforting than most even realize.

8. SENDS WEIRD TEXTS AT 3AM: Cao Cao. Weird requests v.2. On top of the usual garbage someone might get from someone in the wee hours of the morning, to which Xiahou Dun never responds to suggestively. He’d probably answer honestly, with brutality, and insist that he’s ignoring Cao Cao, but stay up until he knows that Cao Cao’s gone to sleep. Granted, it’s very rare that he’d even be away from Cao Cao to begin with. Take it as you will.

9. IS MORE EXPERIENCED: Cao Cao, as per usual, but again, Xiahou Dun is an adult. Inexperience isn’t really a pressing issue. Nonetheless, Xiahou Dun is more likely to be flexible to Cao Cao’s desires than his own, because in the end, he wants what Cao Cao wants as well.

10. SAID ‘I LOVE YOU’ FIRST: it would be Cao Cao, if he’d even get to admit it aloud. He’d try to--mean to in his last hours, but lose faith in himself until the time he has left is mere seconds. Even then, he might get a syllable or two out of his mouth, and that would be the closest he’d ever get to saying those words aloud. In contrast, Xiahou Dun would never actually be able to admit it either.

[kangnuest]

introduction into nu’est

debuted March 14, 2012 with “Face” under pledis entertainment

fandom ㄴ.ㅇ.ㅅ.ㅌ (pronounced LOVE from the way you spell Nu’est in Korean 뉴이스트) fandom color hot pink

did pretty well during debut promotions but popularity kept declining due to shitty promotions from company and lack of comebacks  

many thought Nu’est was near disbandment

4 members (Jonghyun, Minki, Minhyun and Dongho) joined Produce 101 Season 2 in hopes of proving their skills and saving Nu’est

all four members made it to the finale but only Minhyun made it into the top11 (#9) and got to debut with wanna-one 

other members ranked 13 (Dongho), 14 (Jonghyun) and 20 (Minki)

but they did not fail because they did prove themselves throughout the show and gained a lot of popularity internationally and nation-wide 

in hopes that they continue to gain popularity I am making an introductory to the members of Nu’est for the new and upcoming ㄴㅇㅅㅌ’s :)))

firstly Nu’est’s Leader

Kim Jonghyun (JR) 06.08.1995

Leader, Main Rapper, Main Dancer

talented affff

3 S’s Shy Sweet & Sensitive

extremely caring

blames himself for Nu’est’s lack of popularity

looks like onibugi 

cries a lot 

but only bc he loves his members and p101 children so much and he wants to do his best for them 24/7

wayyy too selfless

Nation’s Leader

cried bc other p101 trainees did a hidden camera on him on his birthday

plays like almost every instrument ever

speaks japanese

loves eminem

says he’s living his father’s dream by becoming an entertainer

too shy to speak english

humble affff

video game addict

brought a potato to school and talked to it like it was his child

says sorry too much

ren is his gf

camera slut always has to be in the shot

hates tomatoes

always gets way into karaoke 

wants to marry aron :))

next is the oldest 

Aron Kwak (Aron) 05.21.1993

ft hungry Minhyun

Lead Rapper, Lead Dancer, Vocalist

real name is youngmin 

but he fucking hates it

from LA

is the oldest but isn’t the leader

for good reason

hes a fucking mess

an adorable mess but a mess

does radio shows

sometimes says things without thinking and gets himself into trouble

smart af

got accepted into NYU but chose to become an idol instead

learned Korean in 9 months

is a slut for his members

prob a closeted alcoholic

conceited 

high key gay for ren

mommas boy

ladies man

checks out girls even while on camera

thinks he’s cute and tags pictures of himself as #cutie

king of fan service

loves skinship

gets banned from twitter all the time bc all he does is follow fans

can actually cook 

has kissed ren and acted like he kissed baekho and minhyun

can’t ice-skate but claims he’s good at it

can’t say nu’est after all these years

hates horses and seagulls

can’t jump rope

has a crush on minhyun’s sister

is always 200% done with his members

“when I feel lonely at night I like lonnnggg hairrrr” 

ren: “rrreeaallly?”

claims he teaches the other nu’est guys english but has progressively given up

started the jr looks like onibugi thing

next is my bias :)))))))))))

Kang Dongho (Baekho) 07.21.1995 

Main Vocal

thiccc

can barely dance 

but has an amazing voice

looks scary but isn’t at all until he’s irritated

doesn’t get irritated easily but when he does gtg

is prob scared of ren

kang daddy

sexy bandit

really close to his dad

his dad has leukemia and dongho went to Instagram to ask people to donate blood to help his dad out

sweet pie

also hates horses

likes tacos

says he likes girls with “long hair, cute and sexy…. and a lot of money”

got his stage name bc he looked like Kang Baekho from SlamDunk

his stage name means white tiger

has a tiger tattooed on his forearm

2 more tattoos on his chest 

its hot af

has abs 

but gets too shy to show them 

knows kumdo and did it in his solo teaser before debut

again hot af

hates cleaning

won’t do it

has the most wholesome laugh I literally have a playlist of baekho laugh comps

if his laugh doesn’t make you smile idk what will

fought a drug dealer in Mexico bc he tried to start a fight with his members

strong af 

(saying hello on a radio show) “hello I’m baekho I’m fine thank you and you?”

has to hug someone to be able to sleep usually ren

sweats all the time 

he can breathe and start sweating 

a lil gay for Aron but kissed Minhyun on the cheek and is all over ren sooo

wants to be a comedian but only tells dad jokes

broke the lock on the bathroom door in their dorm once

says whats on his mind/what he feels

competitive but sucks under pressure 

sucked in school

lazy af

prob has the best English pronunciation out of the members besides Aron obviously

“I remember me”

has to pet every dog he sees 

called his parents just to ask to buy something worth like $6

talks shit to anyone and everyone

didnt mean to audition for pledis but went to support his friend in their audition and got casted lmao

is basically naked in the dorm all the time

but in public covers up like a nun

plays piano

always dies from secondhand embarrassment from ren

next is the model

Hwang Minhyun (Minhyun) 08.09.1995

Lead Vocalist, Visual

tall af

skinny but buff

should and could be a model

can hit high notes like nobody’s business

extremely innocent

still hasn’t had his first kiss

at first pledis only wanted him bc of how handsome he is 

speaks japanese

has an older sister that Aron has a crush on but he said she’s out of his league

low key savage

(saying hello on a radio show) “hi I’m minhyun, I like you *kiss noise*”

loves jr

is in Wanna-One (p101)

only pledis trainee to make it 

cried when minki jonghyun and dongho didnt make it 

didn’t even celebrate his victory bc all he could think about was leaving his brothers I’m crying

doesn’t drink

“perfect perfect perfect”

don’t ask him to improv dance

ren said baekho was the most handsome in nu’est and he accidentally blurted out “no he’s not” lmaoo

likes american-korean accents aka aron’s accent

got lost in turkey

rlly likes elephants

always has body lotion wyd boy ;););) 

loves things to be clean

always fighting with the members especially baekho bc nobody cleans except him

bribes baekho with food

hes a picky eater bc hes a child

sucks at bowling

said “this is your mistake” to Aron bc Aron didn’t know their English titles

sings everywhere

“thats no-no”

skips practice all the time

sleeps with earphones in how tf

cried when pledis scouted him 

next is the maknae

Choi Minki (Ren) 11.03.1995

Vocalist, Face of the Group, Maknae

is beautiful dressed as a boy and a girl

can rock long hair

actually any hair

made aron’s heart flutter when he was dressed as a girl

extra af

sassy af

on the topic of Mexican food he responded with “u know i luv u gurl I like mexican” and everyone in the room died

impersonated people drowning in an elevator from movie

minhyun said he had a lot of charisma and he said he was crying

ranted on how amazing and beautiful jr is for like 5 min on live radio

(saying hello on a radio show) “nice to meet you I’m ren thank you very much I love you too”

lady gaga’s number one fanboy sent her fanmail once

knows he’s pretty

can model walk

flexible

can play piano

thinks he can speak English

can’t

loves everyone

is actually terrifying 

does this thing with his shoulders 

so now he’s called shoulder gangster

not afraid to be embarrassed

can and will do any girl dance

can’t raise animals they all die

used to get mistaken for a girl all the time

members rlly love him

has a twitter

made jr sit in a trash can once

sucks at games like any game

amazing dancer

fell in love with baekho when he did kumdo for the solo teaser like same

is a lil bit of a loner

loves fashion

is a diva

likes nail art 

loves the movie titanic

hogs the bathroom bc he’s an ass

makes the members question their sexuality 

“how old are you” 

“I’m fine thank you”

likes skinship

says his older brother is terrifying lmao

snores

thats everything I can remember about the nu’est members pls support and love them

[kpoptrashships]

🍁🌺Heller, can i get an idol life ship please? My name is Diana, I am 15, my zodiac is pisces.*and i am 5'3* I have a bubbly personality, I am very clumsy,sassy,stubborn,care free,open minded, annoying,confident,sometimes arrogant, weird,lazy ass and hippie..Oh, and I am a very random person, like I say many random things and I love to do weird faces.Sarcasm is my second name. I love to do crazy things, I have no shame and I like to think of myself that I am a creative person. I hate liars and people who can’t keep their promises. My fears are spiders and dark. I love to smile and I love to make other people happy..I stan friendship and world peace..I am very emotional, I love rain, books, movies, TEA and night walks.Sometimes I may seem dumb but I am not*at least I hope* I am a loyal person, kind hearted, I love to help people around me, I am not homophobic* I am pansexual btw*I am not racist and I also believe that men and women should be treated equally. I am very shy at first but after u get to know me I am not shy anymore.I don’t have a lot of friends, in fact I have only 3 friends but I thank my lucky star that I have them. I am a family person, I love my family very much. I love music with all my heart and I cant picture a day of my life without it. I can draw and I can sing and dance. I love animals,my favourite animal is idk,i think dog*i have 2 dogs btw,and a cat*and i love food, Disney movies and animes. Oh,and I also love acting. Beside kpop i listen to western pop rock, metal, indie and alternative.. I love to travel and to take photos of thing that I like. I don’t judge anybody and I really think that everybody is beautiful in their own way.I am a very positive and optimistic person. My favourite colors are pastel Pink and peach So yeah.. That’s all…I am really sorry if this is too much.. And I hope I don’t bother you. Oh and I also love ALIENS, CONSPIRACY THEORIES and everything that means paranormal activity. *and every day I lip sync to songs and think that I am famous* *again I am really sorry if this is too much*🌺🍁

Thanks for requesting Mon Cutie!!~ Hope you like it!!

Company: SM Entertainment

Stage Name: Diana

Main Position: Vocals

Sub-Position: Maknae

Type of Idol: The 4-D Maknae, when you first debuted you were shy, but you easily came out of your shell and everyone loves you! Your stage charisma is a 180 from your fun and silly personality!

Group Name: Magic

Number of Members: 8

Number of Nationalities: 5 Korean, 1 American, 1 Chinese, and You!~

Fandom Name: Lunar

Fandom Color/Theme: Peach&Lilac/Magical

Group Theme: Girl Crush/Flirty

First Song: Touch

First Mini Album: Moon Cycle: Cresent Moon

Years Active: 10

Dating Scandal: Exo’s Oh Sehun !

Brother Group: SHINee

Sister Group: SNSD (Girl’s Generation)

Collabs: Oh My Girl

-admin pensu

[ioncewroteadream]

Beat of My Heart, Rhythm of My Soul

In which Isak is a rapper, Even directs, and two boys fall in love. 

Isak doesn’t know how it’s gotten to this. How he’s gone from just a boy in high school, messing around with his friends and freestyling here and there to this. A nineteen-year-old something in a meeting with a bunch of men in suits, discussing things like albums and PR and security detail. He looks over to Jonas and can’t help but give him an incredulous look of how the fuck and what the fuck. It’s completely surreal. Of course he knows how it happened. It was a lot of fun and work and fighting. Maybe he’s just wondering why it’s happening. Why them? Whatever the reason, he’s so grateful.

“So for the music videos, I was thinking we bring on Even to direct. He’s not a professional or anything, but the stuff he puts out is incredible and I really think his work really fits in with our aesthetic. I sent Christian some links the other day.” Magnus looks directly at their manager with a bright smile, who in turn glances around at the other men uncomfortably.

“Well, he’s certainly good. But we’re not too sure about working with someone so green. He has no representation or credibility in the industry. Really, I think you’d be better off with one of our guys. I can send you all some examples of things they’ve done - “

“If Magnus says he’s good then we’re going to use him.” Mahdi cuts in. Trust Mahdi to stop the bullshit. The boys have been relying on Magnus with their visuals from the beginning of this whole thing. Surprisingly, he’s incredibly skilled when it comes to cinematography. Isak nods along, because he trusts his boys. The older man gives a resigned sigh.

“Alright, if you insist. I’ll see what I can do, but in the meantime, take a look at our guys. I think that’s it for today. If all is good, I’ll be seeing you boys in a week or so just before the shoot. I might check in on the next recording too, but Finn should have that covered regardless.” Isak isn’t sure if he likes how Magnus was brushed off a little, but just shakes hands with them and lets himself be ushered out.

“So, uh, gutta, I’ve never actually seen this Even guy’s stuff before.” Magnus scoffs loudly next to his ear.

“Do you ever check the group chat? I’ve been talking about him for weeks.”

“Nah, he’s been holed up in the studio with Finn. Writing. You know, like actually doing his job. Instead of jacking off to some random YouTube director.” Jonas is an angel and Isak thanks whatever higher power that brought them together, daily. “Besides, this is exactly what I was talking about when they first wanted to sign us. First they take away our creative control, and then we’re singing fucking pop songs about love and brainwashing the youth. We’re being played right into their corporate game.”

“Oh fuck off, you weren’t complaining when their corporate money saved our asses from getting evicted.” They push each other, and it’s not malicious at all. Jonas goes on these tirades at least twice a week and Magnus always argues back. Mahdi hangs back and smirks at Isak and gets a small close lipped grin. Isak shakes his head still smiling, watching the other two play-fight ahead of them.

“You really should check his videos out, though. Mags is right. The guy is good at his shit. And, I know you’re busy or whatever. They’re putting a lot of pressure on you. But, uh, hang out with us sometimes, kay? We forget what your ugly ass looks like” Isak smacks the back of Mahdi’s head and lets out a laugh at the boy’s face.

“I’ll have you know that my ugly ass can still get more girls than you and I’m not even into that shit.” He makes a mental note to actually chill with the boys more often.

---

Magnus: www.youtube.com/user/evenbn Bc u aren’t a good frnd and im a gr8 1 Mahdi: holy shit why can’t you type like a normal person? Jonas: haha You suck a ttping *at typing Magnus: dnt bully me and u cant type either Isak: Thx for the link. With Finn rn but I’ll check it out later. Magnus: does Isak have a thing w Finn????? Hes always w him. Jonas: Finn is married. To a woman. And he’s 40. Mahdi: so close to kicking you out of the group

---

Writing is exhausting. Physically and mentally. Every song Isak has ever written is an extension of himself. The words he can’t say and doesn’t know how to say all out there on paper, waiting for a melody to carry it out to people who pretend to understand what he feels. His inability to vocalize his thoughts seem to disappear when he’s rapping, though. He’s an entirely different person when he’s rapping. He’s confident and strong and willing to express himself in ways that the real Isak has no clue how to.

It was his rap persona that gave him the confidence to come out to his friends. He wrote the song and recorded it by himself on his shitty laptop. Played it for them three months after it was finished. It took a long time for him to release the track. To be comfortable with himself, despite how easily everyone else seemed to accept it. But then he did it, and it propelled them further than they ever thought they could go. Suddenly everyone knew them and their songs were everywhere. The radio, in stores. Random people would stop them for selfies. And then there was the record deal. An actual company wanted them. These four boys who made music on the weekends, fucking around in their basements.

Isak lay back on his bed, staring up the ceiling, willing the loneliness that he sometimes feels to just go away. He’s becoming more and more successful, and relationships are becoming more and more fake. Sighing, he opens his phone, and deletes the numbers of people just trying to get another zero on their follower count. No need for people like that in his life. Then he finally opens the link Magnus sends him. There are about twenty videos, all of them titled strange hipster things. He can’t decide which one to watch so he taps on the first one.

---

Isak: nobody told me he was a fucking genius. Magnus: THAT’S EHAT IVE BEEN SAYING BOI LIKE I CREI EVERTIM Jonas: Ikr dude’s like a prodigy or something. I was talking to him back at Karl’s party. Graduated from Bakka, doing media studies at UiO. Top of his class and everything. Isak: wait are you guys friends? How come I haven’t met him? Mahdi: you would if you came out to parties with us Isak: your tone seems very pointed right now. Mahdi: :P Jonas: well you’re going to have to meet him when we do the shoot. He’s going to Stockholm for an award thing Magnus: try not to get too gay for him. He’s rlly hot and I heard he had a gf so Jonas: MAGNUS WTF Mahdi: MAGS U CANT SAY THAT no fucking tact with this guy Isak: that’s ok I’ll try to keep my gay on the dl if Mags does too. Sounds like the poor boy has a crush <3 Jonas: fucking savage dude Magnus: NOT GAY Not that it’s a bad thing. But im not. Mahdi: whatever you say man

Isak is too tired for this shit and would like to sleep thank you very much. So he definitely does not stay up watching every video on Even’s channel until he falls asleep.

---

even_bn: Hey Isak from Opprør, right? isakyaki: hi. yeah I’m Isak even_bn: Awesome. I’m a big fan :) isakyaki: same I mean, I saw ur stuff. Really good. even_bn: Really good? Be still my beating heart. What a compliment ;) isakyaki: I really really like it. Happy? even_bn: Very

---

The first day of the shoot finds Isak nervously pacing in an empty room he found. He’s not nervous, it’s just that he spent the entire week watching and re-watching everything Even posted. Instagram posts, tweets, interviews. Everything. They talked a lot too. Random posts sent over dms. Every time he got a notification, his heart would jump, every message eliciting the tiniest of fond smiles. And Magnus was right. Even is hot. And beautiful. He’s open and happy and Isak just really wants to know what his lips feel like.

So, no, he’s not nervous. He’s just…fuck it, he’s nervous.

“Isak, Christian’s got the director in the 7th floor meeting room, they want you there.” Isak nods and follows the woman out to the elevators. He’s got this. He can do this without royally fucking up. It’s just a guy. He can do this. Except he can’t and he’s ready to turn back when the rest of the boys round the corner, greeting him with shouts of his name. The door next to him opens and Christian pats his shoulder.

“Come in. We were just talking about some backup locations.” Isak looks into the room, and his breath stops for a second. Even is really tall. Like taller than Isak tall. And Isak is not short. At all. The second thing he notices is just how bright that smile is. It’s almost blinding, and Isak wonders if he just hands out smiles like that as if it were nothing.

“Halla boys. Good seeing you again. And it’s really good to finally meet you in person, Isak.” All at once he’s staring into the sun and Isak loses his words. Thankfully Even doesn’t seem to notice and shakes his hand, smiling down at him. Even looks up at the rest of the guys, not letting go of Isak’s hand, ignoring Isak’s beet red face.

“Thanks for bringing me on. It’s going to be fucking awesome.” With that he lets go and Isak can breathe again. The room gets a little dimmer when Even walks away, but Isak has space to think and what he doesn’t think about is the looks the boys are sending his way.

“So, I think we’re going with the darker approach for this particular song. I’ve got an image of what I want, but, it’s your song, so feel free to ask to change things or tell me if you’re uncomfortable. I want to make this something we’re all proud of.” They all head to wardrobe, animatedly talking about the shoot ahead.

---

“That’s a wrap on everyone, but Isak. Great work guys.” Even beckons him closer and Isak most certainly does not eagerly run up to him. It’s more of a smooth, quick saunter. Yep.

“Hei.” Even nods, trapping his tongue between his teeth for a moment. Isak is transfixed.

“We’ve just got a few close ups left and you should be good to go.” The way Even looks into Isak’s eyes burns him a little and Isak can’t hold the man’s gaze for very long. “But, uh, you seemed kind of out of it. Is everything ok? Or did you want to change things?”

“No, no. It’s just some stuff. I actually love what you’re doing with the video. You already know I like your movies.” Even’s impossibly close and the way he angles his head down makes Isak want things.

“I’m glad.”

“Even, there’s a bit of a technical issue. We’re going to need a couple hours to get back on track.” They both jump apart, forgetting that there were, in fact, other people around them.

“Shit. Ok. Everyone who doesn’t need to be here can go get lunch or just chill until we can get started again.” His hand finds Isak’s elbow. “Wanna grab lunch with me, then?” Even is a confident man. He doesn’t even wait for Isak’s answer, just walk away and expects Isak to follow. And, yeah. He does.

---

“So the song, Frelser. It’s really intense.” They’re sitting in a small café, and Isak is about to take a bite of the most perfect sandwich he’s ever seen. Deciding that not grossing Even out is probably better than talking through a mouth full of food, he puts it back down and opts for a quick sip of his tea instead.

“Yeah. It’s about my mom and like dealing with the shit life does to you. Saving yourself because no one else will. Pretty personal.” Even, apparently is not as considerate as Isak and continues to talk with bits of chewed bread falling back onto his plate. Isak shouldn’t think it makes him even more attractive, because it’s actually really gross. And on anyone else, he’d be repulsed. But everything about Even is kind of endearing. Isak has had enough gay experience to know when someone’s interested, and he’s almost certain that Even is interested. So he excuses it, because here’s a gorgeous boy who doesn’t seem to care that he’s sort of famous, and he’s interested.

“That’s tough. Like, that one line about angels being demons with better stories? Had me all kinds of fucked up.” Isak chuckles darkly. Because it was tough. He briefly remembers plates smashing against the wall behind his head. Bible verses shouted at the top of her lungs. He remembers his head being forced down into a full bathtub and his father coming home almost too late. It was fucking tough.

“It was tough. My mom. She, uh, she’s schizophrenic. Didn’t want to get help. And my dad left, so I had to deal. Fucking sucked, being 16 and having to be the parent all the time. But she’s my mom. I love her even if she’s insane.” Isak’s eyes widen in horror, because he certainly wasn’t planning on telling Even about his tragic past. He just has to scare off the one guy who actually seemed to like Isak for who he is. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to put that on you.”

Even’s hand covers Isak, but he doesn’t look up from his plate. “I’m the one who asked. You have nothing to apologize for.” Isak kind of just wants to kiss him because who the hell responds like that? “Insane,” Even mumbles more to himself than Isak. Suddenly, both of their phones go off.

“That’s us then.” Isak has to try really hard not to reach out to hold his hand on the way back.

---

even_bn: Romeo + Juliet isakyaki: what? even_bn: my favorite movie. I forgot to tell you. You know, when I teaching you what good movies are. isakyaki: oh my god. I can’t talk to you anymore. Romeo and Juliet. Fucking chick flick even_bn: I think you mean cinematic masterpiece. Don’t be so mean. Baz wouldn’t treat me like this. isakyaki: Baz? even_bn: Baz? Baz Lurhmann? Greatest director of our time? I don’t think we can do this anymore if you don’t even know this much. isakyaki: yeah well you can go talk to Baz if I’m so bad at it Pretentious fucker;) even_bn: ;)

---

Magnus: so I heard smth from an intern. Isak? Its about u Mahdi: if you’re going to gossip, you better provide. Jonas: yeah, don’t tease us. Magnus: Our lovely little Isak was wth EBN at a café. There are pics. All over twitter. I didnt no he was gay too. Thot he had a gf? Jonas: ppl can like girls AND boys dickwad Mahdi: honestly idk why we even put up with you Magnus: lol u luv me Isak: gf? Jonas: pretty sure he’s single. Don’t worry, man. You like him though? Isak: it was just lunch. Something happened with the cameras so we had free time. Mahdi: still didn’t answer the question Magnus: dude get it Isak: … Magnus: <3 Isak: you’re so gay

---

Isak isn’t avoiding him. Really. He isn’t. He’s just extremely busy. He’s trying new things on the studio and it’s really eating up his social life. So when his phone starts blowing up with notifications from Even, he’s feels a little guilty. He can’t just send him a funny post and go back to how things were, because now he’s certain that he’s feeling things and he doesn’t know if he can trust himself not to fuck up.

His phone buzzes again on his chest and he’s tempted to ignore it, except he’s actually expecting a call.

“It’s Isak.”

“Halla to you too.” There’s a laugh in the deep voice that Isak was not expecting to hear.

“Even?”

“You remember me? Today must be my lucky day.”

“I don’t think I gave you my number.”

“Oh. Yeah. I hope you don’t mind, I asked Jonas for it. I can, like, delete it if me having it makes you uncomfortable. We can go back to dms on Instagram, if you want.” Isak’s pretty sure he’s falling for him. How is he even real?

“Nei!” Definitely does not shout into the phone. Nope. “I mean. I just didn’t know you wanted to talk to me.”

“Oi, don’t give me that. You basically ghosted me. I’m very sad, Isak.” God, his name never sounded better.

“I was busy in the studio. Besides, shouldn’t you be, like, editing or something? You go to school.”

“I’m pretty sure ignoring me after a date is the definition of ghosting. And, ugh, don’t even talk to me about school. I’m so done. Just hire me as your fulltime music video director. Let me mooch off of you.” He can’t help the giggles that bubble out of him.

“What happened to the film prodigy the guys told me about? You sound like a lost cause. But, I’m nothing if not kind, so I guess we can bring you on for now.” And then it hits him. “Wait, date? It was a date?”

“Well yeah. What did you think it was?” There’s a tingling sensation in his fingertips and his stomach rolls pleasantly. A date.

“I don’t know. A friendly lunch?”

“Isak, herregod, the entire internet could see it was a date. Did you really think I want friendly lunches? Was I not clear enough? You’re so cute. What the fuck.” Isak isn’t sure how to respond. Even’s breathing heavy from the other side and holy shit they’re having this conversation.

“Um,” he coughs. And sniffs. He can’t help that his throat’s gone dry. “I think you are too. Cute, I mean.”

“So, you wanna go out again? On a date. Preferably as soon as we can.” Isak almost forgets everything that was stressing him out earlier. He’s giddy like a little girl right now and can’t find it in him to hide it.

“Tomorrow? A less friendly lunch?”

“Maybe a little friendly? I’m not exactly ready to brawl with you, you know.”

“Oh my god, bye Even.” If Isak smiles at his ceiling all night, no one has to know.

---

The next day started with a bang. Literally.

“OH MY GOD ISAK WHAT THE FUCK!” With a speed he didn’t know he possessed, Isak scrambled out into the hall to see what happened. He looked around, but nothing was out of the ordinary. Confused, he wandered into the kitchen. Shattered glass covered the floor, but none of it seemed to bother the maniacally grinning Eskild, furiously typing on his phone.

“Eskild, it’s literally 7 in the morning, what is wrong with you?” He hopes Eskild can hear just how grumpy he is.

“My dear Isak. My little gay baby Jesus. How could you not tell me about your new boyfriend?” Boyfriend? What the fuck?

“Eskild, I have no idea what you’re talking – “

“Save it. My sweet gay rap god has a hot boyfriend, and he hasn’t even told me? Why would you keep this a secret from your guru?” Eskild probably gets off on how many times a day he can make Isak squirm. That has to be it.

“Eskild I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Then what is this?” He pushes his phone in Isak’s face. It takes him a moment for his to adjust to the harsh light from the screen. It was a picture of them eating the day of the shoot. Isak is almost embarrassed at how smitten he looks.

“He directed the music video. It was just lunch.” He does his best to keep his voice even.

“Ok. Just lunch. Go back to bed, smelly baby.” Isak rolls his eyes and starts to make himself a cup of coffee, narrowly avoiding a particularly jagged shard of glass. He’s thankful that Eskild knows when to stop pushing. Most of the time.

“But, um. We sort of have a thing? Like. I mean, we’re going on a date tonight.” Isak owes Eskild a lot, so if telling him makes him happy, then Isak gladly does it. Eskild’s eyes shine with something Isak can’t really decipher, and he’s pulled into a bear hug.

“You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that. Especially after Nasir. I’m so proud of you.” There’s a lump in Isak’s throat as he tightens his arms around the older male. He remembers how bad his first breakup was. And how loving his roommate was while his whole world was crashing down. Eskild was Isak’s family, and there's nothing he wouldn’t do for him.

“Now,” Eskild forces them apart to take a look at Isak. “What are we going to do with this mess? It takes time to create a masterpiece, my little diamond in the rough.” They laugh at each other, ignoring the tears that liberally stream down their faces.

“Shut up, I’m not that bad.”

---

“Are you…is that mascara?” Isak ducks behind his menu. “Oh my god, it is! You got all done up for me. You’re so cute, Isak.”

“Ugh, my roommate wouldn’t let me leave if I didn’t let him get me ready.”

“You’ll have to thank them for me. It’s really hot.” Even leans in, voice silky, sultry, and low.

“Bet you’d look even hotter with eyeliner.” Isak can’t help his surprised sputter, and ends up choking on his saliva. Even throws his head back in laughter.

“Kill me now. Please.” He’s only sort of serious. The sight of Even being so open and beautiful strikes Isak, and not for the first time, he wonders what he did to deserve the attention of this man. This gorgeous man, that Isak is sure he’s falling for.

He hasn’t let himself feel so deeply for someone since he was his ex. Nasir. He used to be unable to even think his name, but he’s grown up a lot since then. They had it rough, two boys deep in the closet, weighed down by the expectations of their families. The way they ended, pulled apart and beaten when Nasir’s brother walked in on them, it was soul crushing. But now, as he’s sitting at the table, openly flirting and laughing with Even, Isak thinks he can allow himself this.

“So, why rap?”

“It was just a hobby that took off. Jonas was always good at music. And I can’t sing for shit.” Even does that thing where his eyes disappear and his smile takes up his entire face. Isak’s heart stutters and he grins shyly back. “Why directing, then?”

It takes Even a moment, but he answers more seriously than their conversation has been. “I think... that life is like a movie. And that you can be the director of your own life. But life also kind of happens and you can’t always be in control. I like control. Directing gives me that. And I can’t act for shit.” Isak reaches out to pat Even’s hand but allows Even catch his fingers.

“Wanna get out of here?”

“I thought you’d never fucking ask.”

---

Isak: is it possible to miss someone, even if you’ve spent all day with them? Even: are you saying you miss me? I miss you too. Isak: no I was talking about the other guy I’m seeing. Even: ok but I still miss you. Isak: me too. Btw I was only kidding. I’m only seeing you. Even: good. I want you all to myself. Isak: … can you come over. Even: now? Isak: home alone. Even: be there in 15

---

Isak watches Even get out of a taxi from his window and books it to the door. He throws it open before Even’s even touched the doorbell. They stand there for a moment, chests heaving slightly, eyes wild with want.

Then, the silence snaps and their ears are ringing and they’re all over each other. Hands reaching for anything, everything. Desperate. Isak lets Even take control of their kiss, allowing the older man to devour him. Clothes fly off and Isak laments for a second, because he knows he’s not going to pick any of it up until well after his roommates come back. But he can’t find it in himself to care and pulls Even into his room.

He’s kissing up Even’s neck, tearing the layers off him. He touches Even like he’s starving. And in a way, he is. The man lets out the most beautiful sounds and Isak is in awe. He’s ethereal. Pale, lightly freckled and smooth. Isak lets his hands wander the contours of Even’s lean body, pausing to pick at his belt.

“Isak Valtersen, you get that perky little ass out here, right now.” His hands freeze, and he drops his head on Even’s shoulder. He groans and burrows his face further into the crook of Even’s neck, letting out a quiet faen when he feels Even’s body shake with laughter. He grabs a hoodie off his floor and shimmies into his pjs before heading out, hoping Even has the sense to stay in his room. He doesn’t.

“Eskild, what do you want?” The man is running around, picking up the clothes that Isak knew would come back to bite him in the ass. “What I want is for you to not leave all your shit lying around all the time. I am not your –” Eskild finally looks up, and by the look on his face, it’s clear he wasn’t expecting Even to be there. “Oh. Hello. Who’s this lovely man?” His shift from murderous to flirty probably should be concerning, but Isak just rolls his eyes.

“Sorry, won’t happen again. This is Even. He’s, um, the director I was telling you about.” It’s rushed but he just wants to go back to his room and cuddle with Even, and maybe mourn the loss of the mood.

Even has better manners than Isak could hope for, and reaches around Isak to shake Eskild’s hand. “Nice to meet you. You did great job with Isak’s makeup.” Of course he’s a charming little fuck. Eskild is positively preening from the compliment.

“My baby gay is so lucky. Cute and charming. What a catch. I’ll let you two get back to it.” Isak huffs, and starts to walk away but Eskild clears his throat and he turns back, only to get a face full of clothes. Even chuckles and pulls Isak into a hug, lips skimming his ear.

“Not what I expected out of tonight, but I can’t say I’m disappointed.”

“Ugh, can we just go to bed? I mean, unless you want to go home.” Even holds Isak’s face, and smiles down at him before kissing him sweetly.

“Does it seem like I want to go home right now?” Isak just tilts his head back, eyelids hooded. Even smiles into the kiss, slowly backing them into Isak’s room.

---

Jonas: so ur officially fucking our director? Nice, man. He’s good looking. Isak? Dude? You know none of us care right. We’re happy for you. But if you wanna talk, I’m here. Isak: sry with Even rn. Thanks Jonas. Love you man. Jonas: you’re so gay Love you too.

---

The next shoot is a lot easier. The song is fun. A summer anthem. So they’re kind of just chilling. There’s a pool set and beautiful people. Even wanted them to ‘exude youth and sex and fun’ and Isak just wants fun sex with his young boyfriend. Who didn’t show up today. So there’s that.

“Magnus, leave the girls alone, please.” He’s talking to a group of girls in bikinis and flips Isak off, but follows him to the other boys anyway.

“Bro, they were totally into me. Why you gotta be so rude.” He sings in English, and Isak responds with a scoff and his signature eye roll.

“Whatever, we’re about to film the last bit, so like. We need you.”

“Uh-huh. You sure you’re not moody because your boyfriend isn’t here.”

“No. And I’m sure he’s just on his way.” Isak frowns, checking his phone again before the assistant director calls them to film.

There aren’t any notifications.

---

“Isak!” He’s about to open his door when Even’s voice makes him stop. “Babe! What’s up?” There’s a buzz in his voice that that confuses Isak a little.

“Even, what the fuck? Where were you? We had to shoot without you.” Even wraps his arms around Isak, crushing him to his chest.

“I’m sorry baby, I just had to do this thing. I swear, I let everyone know.”

“Everyone but me?” His voice is slightly muffled, but Even can hear the hurt clearly.

“Hey, it wasn’t on purpose. I just had to get out for a project, and I didn’t think it was going to take as long as it did. I thought they’d tell you. I’m so sorry.” Isak nods, trying to understand Even’s million mile per minute explanation. He pecks the corner of his mouth, and turns to open the door.

“Missed you, though.”

---

“Isak, he’s so hot. You better watch out, or I’ll steal your man.” Eva’s batting her eyelashes and Isak would probably be jealous if he wasn’t so sure about Even.

“Oi he’s mine, bitch.” They grin at each other, before Eva calls over the rest of the girls. If he weren’t so happy and drunk right now he might be bothered. But his boyfriend is on the other side of the room, laughing and dancing around with his friends, and Isak can’t find a single thing to complain about.

These last few weeks, Isak thinks has been the happiest he’s been in a long time. They wrapped up shooting today and decided to throw a party to celebrate. That and he wanted to show off his gorgeous boyfriend to the rest of his friends. He looks around at the girls joking and talking around him, and back to his man and everything feels right.

“You picked a good one. Did you know he’s read the entire Qur’an in Arabic? It’s nice to talk to someone who understands.” Isak turns to look at Sana, eyebrows raised.

“Actually, no. He never told me about it. But, yeah. He’s great.” He really is. Isak is finally letting himself fall and he’s never felt freer.

---

Isak loves sleep. Like really loves sleep. So he’s not too happy when he wakes up at 2:43 am because someone can’t stop pacing and holy shit Even can you just stop.

“Even. Can you, like, come back to bed?”

“Not now. I have…there’s just so much I need to do. Can’t stop thinking.” Isak wonders, not for the first time, if Even’s been taking something.

“Can you at least think in bed? I’m so tired.” Even crawls on top of him, grinding his hips lightly into Isak, erection pressing into him.

“There are a lot of other things I’d rather do in bed.” His voice is hot and heavy in Isak’s ear and suddenly he’s a lot more awake.

“Oh god, get in me, baby.”

Isak doesn’t get that much sleep that night, but he doesn’t mind.

---

Isak: Morning <3 How was your final? Christian is riding my ass about this track. I just wanted to add one more song :( Even? Baby are you ok? I’m worried. Call me please.

---

“Wrote a song.” Isak wrinkles his nose as Even blows a puff of smoke into his face.

“Yeah?” They’re cuddled up in Isak’s bed, wearing nothing but boxers. They’ve spent the whole weekend holed up in his room, smoking and talking and fucking. Isak thinks if he could spend the rest of his life like this, he would die happy.

“Yeah. But I’m, um, singing in this one.” Even sits up and squints incredulously at him.

“What? You? Singing? What happened to ‘can’t sing for shit?’” Isak scrambles up to straddle Even’s lap and steals the joint from Even’s fingers.

“I’m not that bad. I may have stretched the truth a little.” He leans forward to peck Even quickly. He stares at him for a moment, not sure how to say what he wants to. “It’s…um. It’s for you. The song.”

He thinks he might have broken Even. The older man just looks at him like Isak is some sort of mythical creature. Slowly, his hands travel up to cradle Isak’s face.

“How are you so perfect? Huh? How can one person be so fucking beautiful and good to me?” His voice is barely a whisper, eyes molten with something Isak doesn’t know how to describe. He thinks it might be too early to say it, but he’s feeling it. Love rolling off them in waves. When they kiss it’s like everything colliding and stillness all at once. It’s the easiest thing in the world, and so earth shattering. Isak thinks he can feel Even down to his bones.

“I love you.” Even closes his eyes and shudders a breath against Isak’s collarbone.

“Love you too. So much.”

---

It’s Saturday when everything gets fucked.

They’ve been promoting the album, doing random interviews and guest appearances everywhere. Isak, quite frankly, is exhausted. But he lets himself be convinced to go to Even’s friend’s party because they haven’t properly seen each other for a whole two days and Isak was getting used to waking up with Even in his bed.

The other boys have decided to skip the pregame and join him for the party later. So Isak ends up waiting at the unfamiliar at the door alone, the promise of Even on the other side.

“Hey, uh, Isak right?” The man at the door is about the same height as Isak, sparse moustache and straggly hair framing his friendly face. Isak nods, mentally cursing Even for not telling him whose house he was at beforehand.

“Is Even here already?” His eyebrows furrow.

“No, he said he couldn’t make it. Did he not tell you?”

“I was busy all day, and my phone’s dead. I probably missed his messages.” Isak starts to turn around, but feels a hand on his shoulder.

“You can stay if you want. We’d love to chill with the guy who stole Even from us.” There’s a laugh in his voice but Isak is already miles away. It’s not the first time Even’s disappeared on him, but there’s something wrong and Isak does his best to maintain a straight face.

“Um. Thanks. Maybe next time? I think I’ll sit this one out. Thanks again, though.” Isak waits until he’s heard the door close to pull out his phone. Even hasn’t texted him once. His hands start to shake and he doesn’t know what to do or where to go.

Isak: Even, what’s going on? Your friend said you cancelled on him.

Isak: have you guys heard from Even? Jonas: no Isn’t he supposed to be at the pregame? Mahdi: I haven’t either. Isak: he’s not here. Magnus: guys Get to Eva’s place. Like right now. Isak: is he there? Magnus: yeah. Fuck. Get here fast man

So Isak runs. Faster than he’s ever run before. His heart is pounding in his ears, tears streaming down his face. He doesn’t know what to expect but he just knows it won’t be good.

Please be okay.

---

“Who's fucking kid is that?” Even’s eyes are wild, not really seeing him. He’s rocking a baby in his arms, whispering to it softly. They’re standing in Eva’s bedroom. Vilde had seen Even walking around with a baby and brought him to the only place she knew they’d be safe.

“Isn’t he beautiful, Isak? I just had to take him. Had to save him. You’re going to be such a good dad.” His voice was all wrong. Too excited, too…much. Isak could feel tears stinging in his eyes again. His heart breaks in the silence. The tiny whimpers from the child are deafening and he needs to walk away. But he also needs his man, his boy. The one he loves so much, to be ok. And he’s not.

“Even,” his voice comes out in a broken whisper. “Where did you get the baby from?”

“I told you, silly boy, I took him. His parents left him all alone. And I needed to save him, before something could happen to him. Isn’t that, right? We’re going to take such good care of you,” Even’s attention is back on the baby, rubbing its back and cooing at it. “Come meet your other daddy.” He’s closed the distance between them, gently placing the baby into Isak’s limp arms.

“Support his head.” Even adjusts Isak’s arms, but Isak can’t stop looking at him. “Just like that. Isn’t our boy the most perfect thing you’ve ever seen?” It feels like a cruel joke. He’s seen this exact scene in his head so many times. A dream of the future he wants with Even. Now it feels tainted. Ugly. Whose kid is this? He wants to kick and scream and sob but Even just kept looking at him with those eyes. The eyes that don’t belong to his boyfriend, but the sincerity in them is so familiar. It’s the same intense stare that told him he didn’t have to apologize for his past. The same earnest gaze that he couldn’t look away from, the first time they had sex. The watery blue that blinked back tears when they first said I love you.

“Oh, Even.” Isak can’t hold back anymore and can barely speak. “We need to get him back to his parents. They must be so worried.” The baby’s fallen asleep but Isak can’t bear to look at it. Him.

“No, no. We can’t let them take him. They don’t care Isak. We have to hide him. Keep him safe from them. The parents. The government. They’re all going to hurt him. You have to trust me.” Even’s suddenly prying the child out of Isak’s arms, and runs to look out the window, only to duck beneath the frame.

“Isak, it’s all over the news. Someone saw Even take the baby. They’re looking for him.” Vilde’s at the door, eyeing Even warily, voice low enough that only Isak can hear her.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

---

Magnus, fucking Magnus, is a godsend. No one expected him to take control, but he does and Isak can’t be more grateful. He sits on Eva’s bed, watching Magnus talk to Even in hushed tones. He could probably understand them if he concentrated but he’s so exhausted and numb, he just watches.

Magnus takes the baby and lets Vilde take him out of the room. Even struggles to get him back, but Magnus holds him back. Even’s cries and pleas fall on deaf ears. It’s done. Jonas and Mahdi offer to find a way to get the baby back to his family.

The girls wait until Magnus walks Even out of the room to come in and join Isak on Eva’s bed. They say nothing, just situate themselves around him. Isak closes his eyes, a small sigh escaping him.

“We love you, Isak. We’re here for you.” Noora’s hand ends up on his arm, and he opens his eyes, red and watery, to look at all of them. He doesn’t say anything. He can’t. But he knows they know. That he loves them back. That he’s appreciative. He tries to focus on how lucky he is to have such amazing, supportive friends by his side, and falls into fitful sleep.

---

“He needs to chill Isak. I’m serious, if you go in there, don’t talk about what happened. Not yet, anyway. Just be there for him.” There’s a maturity in Magnus’ face that Isak has never seen before, and wonders how he’s so good at this. Isak managed to sleep until noon the next day, and demanded to see Even as soon he was up.

“Did you get any sleep?” His throat hurts from crying and his face is still puffy, but he doesn’t care. He needs to be with Even.

“Ehh not really, but it’s ok. He needed someone who understands. But, seriously, I don’t care how much you want to talk about it, don’t. Wait until he’s feeling better.”

He opens the door to reveal Even lying in the bed. His head’s propped up against a couple pillows, gaze fixed straight ahead. His eyes focus on something past Isak, and it feels like he’s looking through him, not really seeing. Isak swallows down the urge to run and slowly creeps toward the bed. He pauses at the foot of it, unsure of how to continue. “Are you…did you sleep ok?” That’s harmless enough. Not too probing.

“No.”

“Oh. Can I join you?” Even takes a moment before closing his eyes and nodding. Isak, still moving as slow as he can, climbs up and lies next to his man. “Wanna try sleeping?” Everything happens at a snail’s pace, but Even eventually pushes himself down so he’s flat on his back. Isak pulls the covers around him and leans back, giving Even some space. Isak lets himself relax, and falls asleep again, dreaming of being back in Even’s arms.

---

“Can you just let me go home?” Even’s tired voice pierces through Isak like a bullet.

“I didn’t know I was keeping you here.” His whisper travels over the chilling silence that’s settled in his room ever since they got here two days ago.

“Just. Let me go. Please.” It’s the most emotion Isak’s heard in his voice since the incident. Isak moves to help Even out of bed, but just gets pushed away. He stands by his orange curtains, watching him struggle to grab his things. Isak thought his heart broke when Even had lost it. But that was nothing, nothing compared to this. The pain is real, tangible. Even had given him love and hope when he came into Isak’s life, and now he was taking it all away. He’s taken everything, and Isak’s hollow. Nothing but dark and hurt.

“Sorry.” It’s out of his mouth before Isak can even think about it. Even stops and stiffens, but leaves anyway.

---

“Isak, come eat something, please.” Eskild rubs small circles into his back. Isak doesn’t want to eat. He’s spent the last week just writing and creating. He did everything that was expected of him. He’s smiled for selfies with fans in the street. Performed with all of his energy at all their shows. He just wants to stop. He doesn’t have the will to push anymore.

“I can’t.” He looks up at Eskild and sees the worry plain in his eyes. “I’m just not hungry. I’ll grab something later.” He can hear how empty his words are. He’s just saying what he thinks Eskild wants to hear. Eskild is a lot smarter than Isak gives him credit for. He can see right through the boy’s façade.

“Oh, baby boy, have you talked to him?”

“He doesn’t want me, Eskild.” Isak prays for Eskild to leave him alone. If he doesn’t he won’t be able to hold back any longer. Instead the older man wraps his arms around him, making him feel younger and smaller than he has in a long time. “Why doesn’t he want me anymore?” Isak lets go. He cries and cries in Eskild’s arms, clinging onto him for dear life. “I love him.” He’s wailing into Eskild’s stomach, fisting the fabric of his t shirt.

Eskild lets him soak his shirt with tears. While he may not know what’s going on with Even, he knows Isak. He knows this strong boy will overcome whatever cruel trial this was. And he plans to be there for him every step of the way.

---

Magnus: how r things 2day? Even: didn’t kill myself. Magnus: good 2 hear Ur gonna have 2 stop avoiding him tho Even: no. He doesn’t need this shit. You didn’t see how scared he was. I can’t let him ruin himself. Magnus: fy faen ur the most dramatic prsn I no. Just see him when u feel up to it. U love him. Let him do the same.

---

Two and a half weeks. 18 days. It’s been 18 days since Isak has seen Even, and he hasn’t been doing much better. His smiles come a little easier, and it’s not that hard to convince everyone he’s doing better. But when no one’s looking, Isak lets himself feel. Anger. It’s ugly jagged edges tearing him up from the inside. Sadness. He mourns for the love he’s lost. The man who gave him so much. And stolen it back.

Even: can we talk?

Isak stares at the message. He’s not sure if he’s dreaming it up. Maybe it’s a hallucination. He blinks once. Twice. Three times. It’s still there. He restarts his phone, but the message is still there. He’s reaching out and Isak is too desperate to ignore it.

Isak: ok. When?

The response is immediate.

Even: can I come over? 10 minutes? Isak: ok

---

They sit in Isak’s living room, just looking at each other, for a long time. As angry as Isak is, he just wants to run into his warm embrace. He wants to be enveloped in Even’s love. It’s hard to be so close to him, after everything.

“Are we going to talk, or are you just going to look at me?” He’s not sure where the confidence to speak comes from, but is proud of himself for not letting his voice waver

“I’m bipolar.”

Oh.

Oh.

“Ok.”

Even chuckles darkly. “Ok? It’s not ok? It’s fucked. I’m fucked. In the head. I kidnapped a baby, Isak. How is any of this ok?” His face flushes prettily, and Isak is having a hard time concentrating on the words that come out of those sinful lips. Bipolar.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know! Yell at me. Hit me. Do something. Don’t just stand there and say ok. As if any of this is easy. Don’t.” Isak reaches out to cover Even’s hand with his own.

“I’m…processing. It’s not easy. I just don’t want you to think this changes anything. It doesn’t change how I feel.” Even grabs Isak by the shoulders, the force of it terrifies Isak. Bipolar.

“You should be running for the hills. You shouldn’t want anything do with me. I’m going to ruin you. I already have.” He’s whispering, eyes wide.

“I still love you, Even. I’ll always love you.” Isak surges forward, pressing their lips together. His hand wraps around Even’s neck. The older man gasps into Isak’s mouth, getting lost in the feel of home in the boy in front of him. Bipolar.

And then he pulls away. “I can’t be with you anymore. I don’t want this.” Even forces himself out of Isak’s grip. “Goodbye, Isak.” He gives a sad half smile and walks out the door.

Bipolar.

---

The days following their breakup are…hard. Not like before, where he could push through. Where the uncertainty about them was a comfort. Now, it’s so final. Goodbye, Isak. The words haunt him. He hears them everywhere. He hears and sees Even everywhere. Buying coffee, a deep voice behind him that makes his eyes sting with tears. When he turns around to see a short man, he runs out.

He tries to hang out with Eskild but when he puts on Moulin Rouge, it’s too much. Baz wouldn’t treat me like this.

He can’t watch their new music videos. Every shot has Even written all over them and it’s suffocating. All he wants is his Even. All he has is his rejection.

He’s sitting quietly, nursing a beer, Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus do their best to keep the atmosphere light. But Magnus keeps giving Isak these looks and he’s getting pissed off.

“What, Magnus?” He can’t stop the venomous words, but they’re out and now all three boys are looking at him likes he’s grown a second head.

“Nothing. It’s just…I don’t want to lie to you. I’ve been talking to Even.” Isak feels like he’s been punched in his stomach.

“Didn’t know you guys were that close.” He wants to be mad. To feel betrayed, but he’s just worried. “Is he doing ok?”

“Fuck, Isak. You guys need to fix this. I’m so worried about you two.”

“I want to. All I want is to be with him. But he doesn’t. I can’t change what he feels.”

“Bullshit.” Magnus is standing up now. “I know he’s hurting just as bad. He loves you Isak. He’s just convinced you’re better off without him. He wanted to leave you before you left him.” Isak never used to be so open about his feelings, but lately all he does is cry.

“But I would never. Not even when he’s doing crazy shit. I just want to be with him always.” He feels Jonas wrap an arm around his shoulders, too tired and sad to fuss pull away.

“You need to tell him that, though.” And it all falls into place. Jonas is right. He’s always right. Isak had been given something so precious. Someone he truly thought was his soulmate. So why shouldn’t he fight for it? Even if it was Even he was fighting.

“Never knew you were so smart.” Jonas pushes him away a mock offended look gracing his features.

“Drittsek.”

---

Isak: you being bipolar isn’t a dealbreaker. I love you. That’s not going to change. Will you come to my show tonight? Just one last time. Love you.

Isak looks at his phone again. Even’s seen his messages, but has yet to respond. Sighing he turns back to face the empty club. His last show in Oslo before they go on a European tour. It’s a huge fucking deal, and Isak should be excited, but the churning in his stomach has nothing to do with the upcoming tour and everything to do with the possibility of Even showing up tonight.

He knows to keep his expectations low, but he can’t control the hope blooming in his chest. It’s more than he’s felt in almost a month. And he’s holding onto it tightly.

---

The set is incredible. The cheers from the crowd are deafening, and holy shit they know every single word to their songs. Isak almost forgets just how bad he’s had it, because the feeling of people screaming his name is intoxicating. But Even isn’t there. Isak spends every second he can looking out into the crowd, looking for the lanky director that owned his heart.

“I don’t think he’s coming, man.” Mahdi pats his shoulder quickly after the last song. “You still want to do this?” He’s sure. It hurts, but he’s going to do it.

Grabbing a mic stand, he adjusts it so that it’s low enough for him sitting on a stool in the centre of the stage. Jonas joins him, guitar in hand. “Hi guys. So, um. This last song. It’s not like anything we’ve done before. It might not be your style or whatever, but this is for someone who means so much to me. They, uh, they couldn’t make it tonight. But I still wanted to do this. Because I love them no matter what happens. So yeah.” His voice breaks a little, but he just looks out one last time, searching for the man he knew wasn’t going to be there.

Jonas begins to pluck at the strings, a sweet melody filling the room. Isak pours his heart into the words that Even won’t hear. About their love. Their struggle. How Even’s mind is the most beautiful thing in the world. There isn’t a single dry eye in front of him. Isak’s got tears tracks down his face too, glistening under the club’s purple lights. He thinks that if he opens his eyes, he’d be able to see his soul in front of him. Beat down and small. But still so strong. His love for Even keeping it intact.

Everything is silent when he finishes. Isak finally opens his eyes. Still no Even. He smiles sadly. “How about we finish off with one more song.”

The mood shifts suddenly and then they’re finishing up with Magnus crowd surfing, and playing with each other on stage. Isak smiles through it all, just waiting for the moment he can be alone. He’s walking to the green room when his strangled voice breaks Isak from his thoughts.

“Isak.” He turns, only to come face to face with Even. His Even. Looking shattered and heartbreakingly beautiful. A fallen angel.

Isak is frozen, feet unwilling to bring him closer. It’s Even that makes the first move. Slowly, carefully walking up to Isak, eyes never leaving his.

“Halla.” He whispers. And fuck him. Fuck him for thinking after all this that he can just come back and say halla like nothing happened. Except he can and Isak is all too willing to accept it.

“Halla.” Isak closes his eyes as Even brings a hand up to his face, thumb stroking along his cheekbone.

“The song was...beautiful.”

“Yeah. Well.” Isak leans into the touch, inhaling the taller man’s familiar scent.

“I’m sorry, Isak.” His eyes meet Even’s and he’s certain they have matching red tints.

“Don’t apologize. Just. Don’t leave me again. I don’t think I’ll survive it.” Even swallows, a stray tear escaping. He bows his head close to rub Isak’s cheek with his nose.

“I won’t. I can’t. Not again. I love you too much.” Isak’s finally gained control of his body and throw his arms around Even’s neck, pulling them together. He buries his head into Even’s shoulder, body sagging with relief.

“I love you.”

---

They’re lying in Isak’s bed, not touching. Facing each other. Memories of the last time they were like this are still fresh and sting, but they both need this. Isak lets his hands wander up and down Even’s arm, resting on his cheek, the back of his neck.

“I just didn’t want you to have to deal with me. You already had to deal with your ‘insane’ mom. I was...I got selfish. Wanted to spend more time with you than I should be allowed.” Isak’s heart breaks for his boy. For the time they spent apart. For all the uncertainty.

“I want you to be selfish. I want you to stay with me.”

“Being bipolar isn’t easy. Being with someone who's bipolar is even harder. Its two lives getting fucked.” Isak shifts so they're even closer, hand stilling.

“I don't want easy. I want you. And if everything gets to be too much, we take it a day at a time. If that doesn't work, we take it minute by minute. The only thing we need to worry about is the next minute, ok? Can we do that?” Even’s gaze is piercing, seeing everything down to the core of Isak’s very being. Isak lets him. He turns his head to plant a small kiss on Isak’s palm.

“We can do that.” Isak knows why Even keeps hesitating. He’s still waiting for the ball to drop. Waiting for Isak to leave him. But Isak knows he won’t. He can’t. Even is an all consuming force and Isak is so gone for him. There isn’t a thought in his head that doesn’t echo Even.

Isak hums softly, and recognition flashes across Even’s face. He pulls Isak into his chest, letting the soft melody of their song wash over them. Even can feel Isak looking at him, and lets his face against his forehead.

“What are we doing in this minute?” Isak lifts himself up so that they were eye to eye.

“In this minute? In this minute, we kiss.” And they do. And everything is going to be ok.

[faridahmalik]

6 and 10-20 (AHA the opposite)

U NERD :D

6. A guilty pleasure song

TBH. I am a sucker for a lot of songs that were done with vocaloids but esp Mozaik Role, this translation by Nano esp. 

10. A song by band that is no longer together

Simple John, a song that my parents recorded off the radio back when they lived in Ohio and never were able to find until i tried again to find the song this year. 

11. A song by an artist/band member you might have a crush on

I don’t really. Do that? IDK. I guess I have an aesthetic crush on Janelle Monae, but who doesn’t?? Here’s Come Alive (War of The Roses)

12. A song from a genre that you don’t listen to

Country isn’t exactly a staple in my library, but The Devil’s Inside My Head is one I enjoy a lot

13. A song that you relax to

Music in general LMAO? But besides anything by POTF, Headfirst Slide into Copperstown on a Bad Bet is a special song to me

14. A song that you work to

Oh man, so many but Blame by Bastile esp. However I am not linking u the trippy ass music video bc that just. is too weird. 

15. A song from a movie soundtrack

Meltdown! I actually only have this bc Stromae, but Lorde’s vocals are a nice bonus. 

16. A song that has a music video that you love

Oh MAN. The Wolf By Siamés

17. A song you like from the 70’s/80’s

DEPECHE MODE ANYONE? Strangelove

18. A song you like from the 90’s/2000’s

Poets of the Fall, RosesY’all knew I’d have this one somewhere. 

19. A song from an artist/ band you want people to know

MORE POETS ANYONE? Kamakazi Love

20. A song that you wanted to add but couldn’t otherwise/ A song you want people to listen to

Here have the new poets of the fall single look y’all know me. False Kings

[sadspottedpanda]

Swipe Right For Awkwardness (FFXV FANFIC) - Ch 7

Noctis just wanted Prompto to be happy, though it was chipping away at him day after day. Every now and then he tried to make something nice for his best friend, hoping Prompto would change his mind and fall for him. He felt ridiculous for trying to pry away every little bit of affection he could from Prompto; creepy, even, for being so needy of any small form of appreciation. There was a gaping hole in his heart and it was all Noctis to do to stop from falling into a dark sadness. In the meantime, Prompto was savoring every moment Noctis showered him with gifts and affection. He's already attempted to tell his best friend about how he really felt about it, but the fear of rejection and Noctis putting distance in between them kept him from saying anything. It was a huge relief when Noctis was cool about him being gay, at least. The question now was will Noct still be fine with him being around if he told him he was in love with him Noctis was getting desperate. Despite all his efforts to steal away Prompto's heart, it wasn't having the desired effect. Prompto was very vocal about his crush, saying he was like Noctis in the way of affection. It was tearing Noctis apart. If that guy was so much like him, can't Prompto turn his eyes to him instead? He was right there. They've known each other for years. ----- "So, Prom...about this guy...do you really think he's the right one?" Noctis asks during lunch in their spot under a tree in the university gardens. Without even hesitating, Prompto replies happily. "Absolutely! I mean, he doesn't know yet, but I really do think so." Noctis sighs. "What if he's not? I mean, you haven't even told him." "I don't think I can tell him yet. I'm still trying to figure out if he even has eyes for dudes. He can get pretty close to guys, but that doesn't mean he likes them that way." "So what, are you stalking him now?" Noctis teases. "No, dude! I'm not a creep!" Prompto retorts. "I do see him around a lot though. It's kinda hard when you can only appreciate him from th outside. I mean, we talk and all, but it's like there's a wall around him I just can't see over." "Why don't you bring him over for dinner or something sometime? I'll get out of the way so you two can spend some time together." "Nah. It's fine. Besides, it might be awkward. We eat together sometimes anyway when we can." "Oh, alright then..." Noctis can just imagine Prompto meeting up with some guy, laughing and talking while they eat, having the great time. He wishes he was in that position. He'd totally accept if Prompto would confess to him. The rest of their break is spent in small talk until Prompto has to head back to class. Noctis still has two hours of free time before his last class and he waves to his best friend as he heads into the building. "Alone again..." Noctis says quietly to himself. "You don't have to be, loverboy." Noctis looks up and sees Luna wearing a warm, comforting on her face. "You look like you need a pick me up." "Is vodka in the afternoon alright?" Luna's impeccable timing (and excellent hearing) was a lifeline to Noctis. He's been keeping his emotions to himself for far too long and Luna was just the perfect person to talk to right now. Luna rolls her eyes and Noctis chuckles. "Just kidding. Got time for coffee? I'm buying." "My class doesn't start in an hour, so yeah, we could go for coffee." Luna reaches out to pull Noctis up and hooks her arm in his. They walk to a nearby cafe and take their places at a small, quiet nook where they can talk privately. "Just from the look on your face earlier, I could tell Prompto's involved in this." "Am I that easy to read or are you just really good at figuring things out?" "Maybe a little bit of both. You sure seemed really bothered though." "Well..." Noctis can't quite find the words. Should he tell Luna he accidentally hooked up with Prompto? That he was doing anything he could just to feel affection from him? That he's all but a mess right now? He decides to play it safe. "You know I like Prom, right? He's in love with someone else..." Noctis recounts his conversations with Prompto and Luna listens intently, the gears in her head turning. The coffee arrives, helping Noctis loosen up a little. "So yeah, that's it." "Awfully sounds like Prompto's fallen for a clone of you, huh?" "That's what makes it hurt even more." Noctis sighs. "Why not just me instead? Prom already told me he liked guys. I do too, but Prom's not like the other guys I've met. He's special to me and I love him. There, I said it. I love Prompto. But now someone else has his heart..." Luna gives Noctis a quizzical look. It's like she's both annoyed and pitiful at the same time. "Have you ever thought that maybe this guy you're so worried about might just be you?" "Me? I don't think so." "Are you really that dense, Noct? How can Prompto be in love with someone else who sounds exactly like you and does the same things?" "Hey, it happens, right?" "Look, I may be wrong, but I have a really strong feeling you're just overthinking things. Who else does Prompto see and meet every day who meets that description?" Noctis shrugs, finding it unbelievable Prompto would fall for him. He wished it were true, but his heart has already been through too much for him to even consider it. What if it was all just a huge misunderstanding and he ends up confessing his love to someone who doesn't even love him back that way? He wouldn't be able to handle it. Luna just shakes her head, frustrated at how stubborn Noctis is and how he fails at reading between the lines. She wants to say more, but gives up. Last thing she wants is for this converstaion to end with an argument. After all, Noctis is in a fragile state right now. She shifts to another topic, hoping to at least stop him from depressing himself. ----- Prompto can't concentrate in class. He was stuck there until 5, but his mind was already home with Noctis. His best friend has been so sweet to him lately, getting him all these gifts and even trying to cook once even though he swore he'd never touch the stove again after the fire alarm incident. To him, Noctis was the perfect boyfriend for him, flaws and all. Though horribly in love, Prompto does feel guilty because he also had some needs Noctis couldn't take care for him and he's done some shameful things to satisfy those needs. Today, he was in need again, but he was already tired of just jerking himself off alone. During a short break in the lecture, he shoots a quick message to his sex friend. Galdin was a bust and he was hoping today was good. "Hey. Wanna meet again later? Same place?" Prompto doesn't get a reply right away or during the next hour, so he guesses his hookup was busy. He's already on his way home when his phone vibrates with a message from the guy. "Sure. Is 9 a good time?" "Yeah. Cya. Lights out again?" "Yep. U tired of it?" "Not really. Just curious about what u look like." "My face isn't much. Lol. Just enjoy me making u feel good, k?" "K" His sex friend was so mysterious, but Prompto did feel really good when he was doing all sorts of things to his body. He thinks nothing more of his hookup's identity and arrives home. Noctis left a note on the table for him. "At dad's until later tonight. Bought you dinner. It's in the fridge." Prompto smiles at his friend's thoughtfulness and goes to the fridge, a whole tray of lasagna sitting on the middle tray. He gets himself a plate and chills out for a bit, anxiously waiting for 9 PM. He takes a quick shower when 8:30 comes around and is getting dressed when a message from his hookup comes in. "Room 702. Same as last time. Just come in." ----- Prompto walks into the cold, dark room and shuts the door. He's taking off his clothes when he feels strong arms embracing him from behind and warm lips kissing his neck. He flinches, not expecting the guy to sneak up on him, but he lets him do what he wants. The guy pushes Prompto up against the wall and necks him gently before bringing his lips to Prompto's. The kiss is tender, not like last time's torrid assault. Something's different about the guy today, Prompto figures. He's not rough at all. He's caressing him tenderly and sensually, letting his lips and hands glide over his body. They're now locked in a tight embrace with the guy slowly grinding his hips against Prompto's as they exchange kisses and moan, their stiff cocks rubbing against each other. The guys starts moving down Prompto's body, leaving a trail of kisses until he starts working on Prompto's throbbing dick. Sensual moans begin to fill the room as the electric pleasure of the blowjob shoots through Prompto's body. After a couple of minutes, Prompto pull the guy's lips back up to his in a more passionate kiss, his hands reaching down to massage the guy's thick cock with slow, even strokes. "Don't move..." Prompto whispers' before pushing the guy on his side and changing positions so they can suck each other. He takes the guy's dick in his own mouth as the guy starts sucking on him. They both thrust slowly into each other's throats, effortlessly taking each other until they could feel their noses in the other's pubes. The guy takes Prompto's cock out and sucks his balls before going even further down to rim him. Wanting to return the favor, Prompto puts his flexibility to use and ends up making out with his partner's tight hole, flicking his tongue against the twitching ring of muscle. The guy wastes no more time getting inside of Prompto. He rolls the blonde on his back and gets on top of him, his partner's legs on either side of his torso as he enters slowly. They lock lips and the guy thrusts in deep and slow, savoring every squeeze Prompto's ass did on his cock. He eventually goes in harder and faster, a hand on Prompto's mouth as he rams him. The pressure in his abdomen grows and he moans shamelessly, his sweat dripping down on Prompto's writhing body. Prompto moves up to kiss him torridly as he gets fucked hard, causing the guy to curse and empty his balls deep inside his partner's warm love canal. He cums hard himself as the guy buries himself deeper in him, hitting his prostrate. The guy collapses on top of Prompto, breathing heavily. He embraces him and runs his hand through his blonde hair. Prompto embraces him back in response, absolutely drained and full of cum. They're both sweating buckets and are desperately in need of a shower. "Hey...shower with me? I don't give a fuck what you look like." Prompto whispers. "Go ahead...I need to catch my breath." He responds hoarsely. Getting the hint that the guy wasn't willing to show his face at all, Prompto enters the bathroom and washes himself clean inside and out. After he's through, he steps out and sees the guy on the bed, his back turned to him. He's covered himself in a blanket, except for his dark, messy hair. Prompto has half a mind to just walk over and turn him around, but stops himself. The guy wanted to keep his identity secret and Prompto wants to respect that. He gets dressed and leaves quietly. He's already in his building's elevator when he notices he's left his phone back at the motel. Prompto walks back to the motel quickly. Thank the astrals it was only 15 minutes away by foot. He turns a corner and slams straight into somebody, sending them both to the ground. "Oh gods! I'm so sorry! I - Noct?" Noctis was on his ass, hand on his head. "Ow. Watch where you're going next time!" He yells, then he realizes he's collided with Prompto. "Huh? What're you doing here, Prom?" "I left my phone somewhere. On my way to get it back. I though you were at your dad's?" Prompto stands and pulls Noctis up. "I was. I was on my way home, actually." "Oh! You didn't take the car?" "Nah. Forgot to fill the tank up when we got back from Galdin." They look at each other awkwardly, neither one willing to tell the truth of why they were actually out. "Anyway, Noct. See you at home! Just gotta make sure my phone's still where I left it!" Prompto's phone was in Noctis' pocket. He had to think quickly because it definitely won't be back at the motel. "Wait, Prom!" Noctis pulls Prompto close to him and slips the phone into Prompto's jacket pocket. His best friends looks at him with confused eyes. "Uh...be careful. Want me to come with you?" Prompto's blushing. He's always wanted Noctis to pull him like that into his arms romantically. Well, this wasn't romantic, but it was close enough. "Um. Prom?" Prompto breaks out of his little fantasy and shakes his head, a sheepish grin on his face. "Nah, nah. I got it." He runs off and waves. "Thanks for dinner, by the way!" When Prompto's out of sight, Noctis sighs and leans against a light post. "That was close..." he says in exasperation before heading home. Prompto returns to the apartment later, relieved he didn't lose his phone after all. It was in his pocket the whole time. He was hoping to catch a glimpse of his hookup too, but he had already left by the time he got to the motel. "Oh well...I won't be seeing you anyway anymore once I tell Noct..." he thinks to himself. Little does he know that the very same guy was lying asleep like a rock on the couch. Prompto carries Noctis to his bed and tucks him in with a peck on the cheek. "Night, buddy. Love you. I hope you feel the same way about me too..."