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pillage-and-lute · 3 years ago

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Pins and Needles: Part 2

Part 1, (here)

———- 🌷 🐺 🌷———-

“Oh my gods,” came a voice from over the counter that Geralt was currently under, sweeping up leaves.

“Uncle Lambert was right!” Ciri said, draping herself over the top of the counter so she could smirk at her dad. “You’re totally hiding from the twink tattoo artist.”

“He’s not a twink,” Geralt said, straightening up, dustpan in hand.

“Not what Uncle Lambert said.”

“Bertie hasn’t even seen him,” Geralt said, scowling.

Unbidden, the memory of just how solid Jaskier had felt in his arms. How low his shirt was unbuttoned and how delightfully hairy his chest was. Not a twink.

“I should be concerned about how invested you are in my dating life,” he told Ciri. She was sitting on the counter now, battered combat boots thumping against the side.

Geralt didn’t exactly have a conventional relationship with his daughter. He’d been friends, although not terribly close, with her parents, and when they died and there was no one to take Ciri, he had. Lambert joked that it had been temporary insanity. Eskel said that Geralt had just experienced a bout of baby fever. Vesemir just smiled knowingly.

They all knew the real answer. It was orphan syndrome. A nasty mix of abandonment issues, trust issues, and the inability to leave other orphans to social services. All three of Vesemir’s boys had it, because he’d become their dad only after they’d each individually been kicked from every home the state could place them in.

So Geralt had taken one look at the squalling, tiny baby, with hair so blonde it almost looked like his own. Geralt had gotten stiffed on the genetic spectrum, and through no fault or deficiency his doctor could find, had entirely white hair by 23.

Now, Ciri was sixteen, captain of her hockey team, and raking in the medals for Judo. Geralt took great pleasure in bragging about her at every PTA meeting, especially since it meant rubbing it in Suzanne ‘My daughter’s a piano prodigy’ Delmore’s face.

“If you’d been on a date since Aunt Yen then maybe I wouldn’t be so concerned,” Ciri said, popping her gum.

Geralt winced. His relationship with the used bookseller down the street had been disasterous and short, but in the end, Ciri had been able to tack yet another name to her list of non-blood-relative aunts and uncles.

“We’re better as friends,” he said. “Move your foot, I need to get into that cabinet.”

Ciri obediently swung her foot aside so he could grab the florist’s foam. “That’s why you should go ask out someone else...like the cute tattoo artist.” Her eyes went wide. “Oh, can I get a tattoo.”

“Absolutely not. Wait until you’re nineteen.”

“But I can get one at sixteen with parent’s permission,” she made puppy eyes. “Dad, it’d be so cool.”

“Nope.”

“C’mon, why not? And why nineteen, why not eighteen?”

Geralt smirked. “Did you know that your Uncle Eskel has a tattoo?”

“No,” Ciri said, leaning forward.

“Mmhm,” Geralt said. He began selecting flowers from buckets for his next arrangement. Something nice, maybe with some tea roses.”

“Oh, c’mon Dad, you have to tell me now!” Ciri hopped off the counter and got her apron off the peg. It had been a gift from Lambert. Geralt’s own was a simple denim apron, and her’s was the same, except it had “Don’t flirt, I’m a minor” embroidered on the chest.

“Well,” Geralt said, handing her her own block of florist’s foam. “He was eighteen, and he was really into Gwent.”

“That card game? The one that used to have that super weird animated tv show?”

“Oh yeah, we all were huge fans, but Eskel was the biggest. Which was funny, because Bertie and I beat him every time.”

“Oh my gods,” Ciri said. “Does Uncle Eskel have a Gwent tattoo?”

“Yep,” Geralt said, snipping off a too-long stem. “On his thigh. It’s pretty big, too, that’s why he only ever wears those ugly cargo shorts or long pants.”

“That’s hilarious!” Ciri said. “But what does it have to do with me?”

“There’s a lot of personal growth done between eighteen and nineteen,” Geralt said, trimming a leaf. “And I don’t want you to get something you regret. But when you are nineteen, I will happily pay for your first tattoo.”

“Really?”

“Mmhm. I don’t want you going to a cheap placing and getting some horrible blood disease.”

Ciri beamed at him and Geralt smiled to himself. He was a very cool dad.

“Why don’t you get a tattoo?” Ciri asked.

“Why would I?”

“It would look totally cool.”

“I don’t even know what I’d get,” Geralt said. He examined the flower placement. It was even, but maybe too even, he swapped a couple of the taller flowers around.

“You’d get to talk to the cute tattoo artist, I bet he’d have some suggestions.”

“I like wolves,” Geralt said.

Ciri rolled her eyes. “Dad, like every guy with a tattoo get’s a wolf. Be original.”

“Trees are nice,” Geralt said.

Ciri groaned. “Even worse than the wolf. Maybe you should go over to the shop, see what sort of art he does. Can I get a piercing?”

“What? Oh, yeah, if you want. What sort?” Geralt was a little taken aback by the quick switch, but Ciri was sixteen and had ADHD, so he was pretty used to it.

“I want an industrial.”

“Which one’s that?”

“The bar, through the top,” Ciri gestured.

Geralt fluffed out some petals. “Yeah, definitely. I’d much rather you get any cartiledge piercings done by a professional.”

Geralt, in his moody teenager phase, had gotten plenty of piercings, several on his right ear and all the way up his left. Most of which he’d done himself with a needle he’d boiled to sterilize it. He shuddered to think of Ciri trying it. Geralt had lucked out and not shattered his cartiledge, but there would be no risks taken with Ciri’s perfect ears.

“Cool,” she said. “Can we go right now? We usually close for lunch about now anyway.”

“I’m not sure they take walk ins,” Geralt said. He did not look cute enough to go see Jaskier right now.

“We can ask,” Ciri said. Taking his hand and tugging him across the street.

———- 🌷 🐺 🌷———-

I imagine that in this world Gwent is like a mix of Yugioh and Magic The Gathering.

Tag List!

@jaybeefoxy @sweetiepieplum

#eventual geraskier #Dad! Geralt #Ciri #modern au #tattoo florist au

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vina-writes · 4 years ago

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The Pink Paradox

Written for the @drarrymicrofic prompt: Metamorphosis!

Rating: T

Length: 1.6k

Summary: Draco Malfoy has pink hair.

Notes: Thank you so much @fw00shy for betaing!! Also just hire me for all your graphic design needs because hot damn I am proud of myself

(i)

Draco Malfoy has pink hair.

That’s not entirely correct when one gets down to the facts. Draco Malfoy has blond hair— a light, airy blond, the color of sunlight on snow. Harry Potter knows this because he’s spent many an adolescent winter watching Malfoy walk the grounds of a frozen Hogwarts and noticing it. The fact that he’s observed Malfoy that carefully is neither here nor there, although Ron would say it’s there (there being the Janus Thickey Ward). Harry’s Malfoy-stalking tendencies occupy their own corner of his mind however, and certainly don’t apply to the here and now.

Because here and now Malfoy has pink hair, and that’s not something unique to Harry’s observations. There’s not a witch or wizard alive who wouldn’t notice that head of bubblegum bobbing between the Auror cubicles.

It’s far too early for a Monday morning (nearing noon), and while their coworkers have been diligently ridding the Wizarding World of crime, Harry and Ron are tossing Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans into each other's mouths and gossiping over Lavender Brown’s pregnancy cravings. They were, that is, until Harry caught sight of Malfoy's pink hair.

“Kneazle got your tongue?” Ron asks after Harry fails to finish his sentence for the fifth time. Ron can make fun of him if he wants— his chair is facing away from Malfoy and that rosy fringe. The fact that Harry has never passed up a chance to watch Draco in all their years of training and employment (with or without pink hair) is irrelevant. The pink is distracting, and it’s more so on Malfoy.

“Malfoy,” Harry repeats to himself quietly, just to feel the familiar shape in his mouth. It’s lacking the venom and suspicion it should have on principle.

Ron turns unpleasantly green at that. “Malfoy’s got your tongue?” he asks.

“What?” Harry finally looks away from Malfoy. “No. Ew. Of course not.” He says it far too blandly, like a child denying their love of sweets, and Ron gives him a Look. Harry tries (unsuccessfully) to change the subject. “What’s he doing with the— why did he— what’s… erm.”

Ron regards him like he’s lost his mind. He seems to think Harry is confused about Malfoy’s business in the DMLE, when he’s usually with Hermione down in Mysteries. While that is out of the ordinary, it’s not nearly as pressing of an issue as Malfoy's pink hair.

“He’s consulting,” Ron explains slowly, “for the Finley case?” Then, when Harry only stares back blankly— “Harry. Can you even read?”

“Occasionally.”

“Tacky romance novels don't count.”

“Oh. Then, no, not really.”

“It was in our missive just last week. They’ve pulled in the Unspeakables. I was hoping they’d send ‘Mione, since she and the Ferret work together, but no such luck.”

“Oh.” Harry turns back to watch Malfoy shake Robards’ hand. Robards' grip is strong, and his thick fingers nearly engulf Malfoy’s delicate wrist. Harry doesn’t like that.

“Are you worried he’s going to cause trouble?” Ron asks. His voice sounds different, and when Harry glances at him again he’s got both feet slung over the armrest of his chair. Robards will skin him alive if he sees.

“No!” Harry says too quickly. He coughs. “Just wondering about the— er, how long has he had…?”

Ron doesn’t seem inclined to help him out.

“For fuck’s sake, Ron, when did he go and do—” Harry waves his hands frantically “—that?”

“Do you mean the hair, mate?”

“Yes, the bloody hair!” Harry’s had his fair share of existential crises in his life. He’s well acquainted with the feeling, and this one is going near the top of the list.

Ron, the bastard, shrugs. Shrugs! Like a pink-haired Malfoy is not only a normal occurrence, but is even expected.

“I didn’t notice it at first, to be honest,” he says, and Harry throws him a look of such vicious resentment that the potted Dragon Snap in the corner stops smoking and curls its leaves over its head. Ron just gives him a shit-eating grin in return.

Discouraged by his apparently un-threatening aura, Harry glances away in time to see Malfoy get a hearty pat on the shoulder (he doesn’t like that, either) and turn towards— towards them.

“Er, Ron?” Harry asks. “Who was assigned to the Finley case?” He knows the answer before he gets it, but still can’t look away from the cutting figure Malfoy makes as he saunters towards them in swirling black robes.

“That would be us,” Ron says cheerfully. “Buckle up and tuck in, mate. Your hard-on is showing.”

Harry is not hard, not even a little, but his panicked struggle to tug the mercilessly short Auror robes over his lap leaves him wrinkled and guilty-looking when Malfoy reaches them.

“Gentlemen,” Malfoy says cooly, and Harry thinks his cheeks must be the color of Malfoy’s hair.

“Harry’s hot for your hair,” Ron says. Harry chokes. “He’s also not read the case file, so I’ll leave you two to it. Don’t come looking for me, I’ll be taking an extended lunch. Looking forward to working with you.”

He throws them both a saucy wink and leaves with all the smugness of a man who’s done his yearly good deed. Harry’s going to murder him before the day is done.

Silence descends over their cubicle. Malfoy eyes Ron’s chair, but wisely chooses to remain standing. Harry notices belatedly that his robes are trimmed in silver, the same shade at his eyes.

“Potter.”

“Malfoy,” Harry acknowledges with a polite nod. The stillness around them is most certainly plummeting towards awkward.

“I heard you like my—”

“Have you read the—”

They both speak at the same time. Malfoy blinks, startled. When he doesn’t finish his sentence, Harry tries again.

“Have you not been debriefed on—”

“I noticed you changed your—”

They wisely decide to shut up. There’s a used staple on the corner of Harry’s desk, and he reaches over to fiddle with it just for something to do.

“Staples,” Malfoy says out of the blue. He looks like he regrets his volume, and it occurs to Harry that he probably feels just as uncomfortable. This is the first time they’ve spoken beyond polite greetings in four years, and neither is sure what to expect. It makes Harry feel better, somehow, to know that he’s not the only one feeling utterly wrongfooted.

“Yes,” Harry says. “Staples?”

Malfoy swallows. His neck is a long expanse of smooth skin, and Harry vaguely wonders what it tastes like. “We might make use of them on the case. Staples, I mean. Have you any more?”

Harry frowns, his discomfort dissipating. “Yeah, in the supply closet. But we just use Sticking Charms— don’t you?”

“Yes,” Malfoy says quickly. “We do. But we could try staples from the supply closet.”

It’s Harry’s turn to deploy the Look. Malfoy frowns at him like he doesn't get it, but Harry’s not really in the mood for deduction.

“So,” Harry says instead, “Auror work. Are you looking forward to it?”

There’s a shift in Malfoy’s stance, and his grey eyes skim over the lines of Harry’s body. “Parts of it,” he says. His tone is a little off. Husky.

“Sore throat?” Harry asks in what he hopes is a sympathetic manner.

“Sometimes,” Malfoy says cryptically. Harry’s not having the greatest time puzzling out his strange behavior and responses— they leave him floundering for something else to say.

“Are you going to tell me what’s in that fancy file or do I have to read it?” Harry finally asks, jerking his chin towards the papers tucked under Malfoy’s arm. He sincerely hopes Malfoy will volunteer to summarize for him. It’s because Harry’s glasses are giving him a headache and not at all because he likes the sound of Malfoy’s voice.

Malfoy’s cheeks flush a little. Harry wonders if he’s coming down with something, even as he struggles not to think of the color as attractive. “Protocol dictates that you read case information yourself,” Malfoy says, “but I suppose I wouldn’t mind speeding things along so we can get started. Maybe… over coffee? Or lunch?”

Harry tries not to let his dismay show on his face. “We have to work through lunch?” he asks. It sounds pathetic even to his own ears.

“Oh my fucking Merlin, he’s asking you out!” Cho shouts over the cubicle wall. Harry and Malfoy both jump.

“No, he’s not!” Harry shouts back, cheeks flaming.

“Yes, I am,” Malfoy says. Harry drops the used staple.

“You are?”

“Am I?”

“I don’t bloody know!”

“Well,” Malfoy starts, but seems to realize he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. “Well— you like my hair.”

“And that’s enough reason to ask me out for coffee?”

Harry really has no idea why he’s arguing. This is Malfoy— pink-haired, blushing Malfoy— handing himself over on a silver-trimmed platter, and he mentally slaps himself for putting up any sort of resistance.

“I like your hair,” Malfoy admits. He seems to regret saying it, and tries to make up for his embarrassment by adopting a suave position leaning against Harry’s desk. He misses and stumbles slightly before righting himself.

“Don’t worry, Malfoy,” Cho calls again. “He’s been wetting himself over you for years, he’s bound to say yes.”

“Well, he’s not saying it,” Malfoy mutters.

“Yes I am.”

“You— you are?”

“Am I?”

Malfoy stops and stares at him. Opens his mouth, frowns a little. There’s a wonderful feeling in Harry’s chest.

“I’m just fucking with you,” Harry says over a smile. “Let’s go.”

Malfoy orders a strawberry milkshake at lunch. Harry doesn’t get dessert, but he still feels very… pink.

Read on Ao3

#drarry #prompt #drarrymicrofic #it was for the prompt so ill tag it as micro lol #vina writes

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ghiirahiims · 3 years ago

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@mememan93 said: ( but what is it with the things they removed being so random? theres that, the sheikah stone (which was actually helpful) and the dialouge where you can ask if a kikwi is zelda or not

Honestly, I wish I knew. I know there’s one other bit of Fi’s dialogue that they omitted too. It’s in the Ancient Cistern when you first see the boss key location. Which okay. Understandable. But in Eldin and Lanayru there’s some of Fi’s text like, Hey Link. You know what’s behind this door? The boss., that I thought they would remove since in Faron it’s trimmed down, but nope.

I’m not 100% sure what else has been removed but I don’t see why they felt the need to remove birds from a wall when some of the textures in the later parts of the game don’t even feel “updated” at all. Like when you fight the pirate boss on the Sandship. The floor texture is really bad. Or some of the pictures in the houses (like in Bertie’s house) or the map on Gorko’s scroll not being updated. :/

I really feel like some parts they spent a lot of time on and then others they completely forget about. Like Skyloft and Faron for the most part look really good and then you get to Eldin and Lanayru and Idk. It doesn’t look updated to me. (The only exceptions for Eldin being the boss rooms for both Scaldera and Ghirahim. Scaldera’s is now this weird greenish colour and the boss room with Ghirahim isn’t as red as I remember.)

#mememan93 #i love playing it on my switch and on the go. it's my fave zelda game #but the more i play this remaster the more i feel like nintendo doesn't even care about this game like they did with tp & ww & oot/mm #i honestly thought they'd tweak the lighting on zelda during her scene in temple of hylia since they fixed scenes with ghirahim #so you can see her different expressions when she asks link to wake her up but they didnt :/#:///#responses #also i dont remember the rain in the thunderhead being so... weird and.. ugly on the wii

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soniabigcheese · 4 years ago

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2nd December - Jingle Bell Rock

Puppy!Alan's turn.

Oh man, this was the worst thing ever. Having to sit in a photoshoot wearing nothing but an itchy, red, fur trimmed coat and a pair of antlers ... with bells that jangled with each movement. And hurting his ears. Why did they have to be so loud?

But, here he was, doing exactly that.

And why?

Because he lost a bet with Gordon, who was standing in the wings barely suppressing giggles and pulling faces. Until Lady P gave him a swift elbow in his ribs.

He needed to pee, but didn't want to disgrace himself in posh company.

He could easily poof back into human form right in front of everyone. But that would be soooo embarrassing.

So ... he tried his charm tactic and whined.

That got the attention of one of the assistants who booped him on the nose and tightened the coat even further.

Ah sod this ... he really needed to have a good rolling session. Get this bloody stupid thing off him.

"Hey ... psst."

The nasally voice stopped him in his tracks as Sherbet approached.

"Behave yourself."

"But I can't deal with this. It itches and the bells hurt my ears!"

Sherbet sat down and tried to give himself a half hearted scratch.

"Going to share a few tips with you, so you'd best listen ... okay?"

Now, THAT had Alan's attention.

"Rule one ... pretend you only have a limited vocabulary."

"But I can understand everything they are saying."

"Yeah, we all do. But this trick works. Trust me."

"Okay."

"The only prompts you should know are ... sit, stay, paw, touch and see me. After that, turn on the puppy eyes. And you'll have them spellbound."

"But I need to pee."

Sherbet tilted his head and wiggled his curly tail. Then started barking frantically, followed by insistent whining. Which brought the attention of Lady Penelope.

"I think its time for Bertie's potty break," she interceded, picking up her beloved pug.

She nodded to Gordon.

"Gordon? Don't you think it's time for your little doggie to have a break too? Poor little thing is probably bursting."

With no Parker present, Gordon had to pick up Alan, who stuck his tongue out and wagged his tail.

Then promptly peed on him

"Argh ... Allie!"

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

#thunderbirds are go #gordon tracy #alan tracy #puppy!alan #sherbet #lady penelope #advent calendar adventures

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egelantier · 4 years ago

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Yuletide Recs

Having had two days of more or less nothing but reading fics, I come bearing recs!

First of all, my amazing gifts:

The Goblin Emperor

For Thy Principles

The nohecharei of Edrehasivar VII were unparalleled in their defense of his person, but there were limits to even their prowess. When Maia first developed the fever, Cala quickly determined that it was not the end result of a magically-based assassination attempt – and from there it had to be left to the court physicians.

Maia falls ill, and Csethiro protects him as best she can.

Beautifully gentle Maia sickfic, with Csethiro holding him together. For me all for meeee.

Benjamin January Mysteries

Dry as a Bone

“Oh. Well, I’ve been better, maestro, been a hell of a lot better to tell truth.” Shaw stared at him for a long moment, and he was stunned to see honest to God grief in his eyes. Even when Shaw had just lost his brother he had been so much more himself than this lost man currently standing before him. “Not that I mean to put anything extra on your shoulders, I’m sure you’ve got enough of your own shit going on at present moment, but it seems like I’ve just lost my job.”

Shaw loses his job, and finally confronts Ben about trust (and lack thereof) between them. It’s GREAT.

The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards

A Distraction Worth Losing

They may never be together, but the gods would have to move heaven and earth to split Rune and Brand apart.

Brand, Rune and The Kiss incident. (Poor messed up babies, somebody save them.)

And fics of the collection:

17776, Astreiant, Raksura, Frederica, The Gentlemen, The Goblin Emperor, Hades, Innkeeper Chronicles, Jeeves, Kate Daniels, King Arthur the movie, My Next Life as a Villainess, Nirvana in Fire, No. 6, Psmith, The Secret Garden, The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, Swordspoint, The Tarot Sequence, Teixcalaan Series, The Temple of the White Rat verse

17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future

so far, so fast

When Manny gets a craving for some fancy meal he had once, over ten thousand years ago, Nick decides he’s gonna fulfill that craving, no matter how hard it is. Because real romance is about making the impossible happen for his husband.

Goddamn transcendental.

Go Get It

Sometimes you start out just planning to get some groceries with your husband, and next thing you know, you’re committing to join the most hopeless team in college football.

Nick and Manny decide to play. It’s perfect.

Afterlife

A young man dies six months before the end of human death; his loss saves five lives, which end up much longer than anyone expects. (A series of worldbuilding vignettes about original characters in the 17776 setting.)

Made me cry, in a very cathartic way.

Astreiant Series - Melissa Scott & Lisa A. Barnett

April dressed in all his trim

A quiet evening in spring.

Sweet little slice-of-life with lovely sensory details.

Books of the Raksura

The Second Consort

“When Glow arrives, be friendly and welcoming,” Ember said. “Not scary.”

“Why does everyone think I’m going to scare him?”

Chime said, “They can see your face when you look at him.” He paused, glancing over at Moon. “That face, that’s the one.”

Ember sighed. “I remember being in his position. It’s pretty nerve-wracking coming to a new court and not knowing what’s going to happen to you there - whether they’re going to welcome you or shun you, whether you’ll make new friends, whether a queen is going to claim you…” He came and put a sympathetic hand on Moon’s shoulder. “Glow is probably worried about all of those things, and missing his home and clutchmates, and it’s our job to try and help him relax.” For a moment Moon thought he was just being soft-hearted, until Ember added, “He won’t open up and tell us what’s really going on unless he’s relaxed.”

Jade takes in a new consort, on Moon’s permission, and everybody is delightfully adult about it.

Frederica

Lady Alverstoke

Frederica commences her first Season as a married woman by planning a ball, promising most straitly that her husband will have nothing whatsoever to do …

Sweet and funny slice-of-life post-happy-ending for canon.

**The Gentlemen (2019) **

Even

The week after he intercepts Fletcher, that squirrelly little cunt, outside the London Miramax office, Raymond reluctantly ventures down to Brixton.

Under normal circumstances, Raymond tends to give this part of Brixton a wide berth, but he has unfinished business that needs attending to. Of course, that doesn’t mean he has to like being accosted by the overwhelming smell of greasy fish and chips when he pushes the car door open, doesn’t mean he has to be pleased about stepping into a piece of chewed-up gum the moment he sets a foot on the kerb.

But then, he can always take a shower after an errand in Brixton. The deep-seated discomfort of unfinished business doesn’t wash off that easily.

Raymond tries to pay Coach back for saving his life, and it doesn’t quite go as planned :D

The Goblin Emperor

The Archduke’s Discovery

Prince Nemolis goes on a journey, and learns a bit more than he wanted to know.

Really great point of canon divergence, and true and precise character voices.

Hades

all the spaces between us

For a place full of the dead, crammed with ghostly shades and nothing but the endless lull of eternity unchanging, gossip sure travelled fast in the Underworld.

Or, Zagreus mulls over his relationship with Thanatos while the rest of the Underworld get overly invested.

Slow, slow, slowest of burns.

Innkeeper Chronicles - Ilona Andrews

A Quick Trip

“It’ll be a quick trip,” Maud said, more to herself than to Arland. “No one will even notice we’re gone.”

Pirates are plaguing an ally, just outside of vampire space. Maud and Arland don some aesthetically beat-up armor and try to get more information from the pirates themselves. Of course, plans only last until you meet your enemy. Or your enemy’s giant alien attack boar.

Excellent canon voice, action/adventure sprinkled with badassery and hilarity.

Jeeves & Wooster

August Thirteenth

Discovering that this is not the first August thirteenth that he’s lived through, that certainly was a head scratcher. Luckily Bertie has the stalwart presence of his man’s man, Jeeves.

Very, very great and satisfying use of the time loop.

Kate Daniels - Ilona Andrews

lookin’ like a snack (cake)

It took Barabas a while to figure it out, because he wasn’t used to not being taken seriously.

Barabas considered several ways to phrase it, and finally settled upon, “Do you have a thing for twinks?” Christopher knocked his head back against the headrest: once, then again. “Is that a yes?”

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)

When Goosefat Bill finds himself in a difficult situation, the last thing he wants is the King to show up and “help”, in his own unique and unexpected way.

Goosefat Bill does not need to be rescued by his King. But he might just enjoy it a little.

My Next Life as a Villainess (Anime)

All I Have To Bring Today

Catarina and Sophia had been discussing the latest in the Devilish Count series, and Sophia had mentioned how romantic the surprise picnic the count had planned for his lover was and how she wished for someone to surprise her like that.

“What about you, Catarina? Have you ever wished for someone to sweep you off your feet?” Sophia had asked.

Catarina makes a choice! As sweet and as hilarious as the canon.

Nirvana in Fire

Adverse Event

What a pitiful man must he have become, if the only thing he could provoke in bed was a monologue on his character flaws.

: or, the famous strategist mei changsu plays xanatos speed chess against truth serum: the fic.

Mei Changsu gets hit with an accidental truth serum; it doesn’t stop him from lying to himself, but it does buy Jingyan a clue.

Records of the Land of Xiang

There was something of Xiao Jingyan there, in the firmness of his jaw, the unforgiving slash of his brows, and most clearly in the eyes that neither saw nor conveyed deception. But Long Zhan was not Jingyan, could never be, no matter how much Changsu might wish otherwise, because Jingyan was dead.

In service to a very-much-alive Prince Qi, Jingyan dons a Jianghu-typical disguise and infiltrates the Jiangzuo Alliance to suss out this Mei Changsu fellow and see if he might be useful in helping them re-open the Chiyan conspiracy case. Basically, a slightly ridiculous premise where everyone is running around the Jianghu with masks, multiple identities, and secret agendas.

Fascinating and fun AU scenario that delves, among other things, into Mei Changsu the jianghu chef, not Sir Su the court schemer.

suffering as I suffer you

The first time Jingyan stays the night at Su Manor, he discovers an uncomfortable truth about Mei Changsu.

Excellent extrapolation of Mei Changsu’s illness into his nightly routine - with Jingyan watching…

Here, In Our Arms

With the world put to rights, however briefly, Xiao Jingyan and Mu Nihuang take the opportunity to make a fuss over their beloved Lin Shu, and will not take no for an answer.

Sweet moment of comfort.

Find the Coals Amid the Ashes

Despite Changsu’s assertions, Lin Chen is a well brought up person. He would never violate his host’s privacy during a social call. It would be inexcusable, for example, to break into a marquis’s private alchemy lab in the middle of said marquis’s birthday party, in order to search said alchemy lab for certain hard to find medicinal herbs, which one has reason to believe can be found therein. These would be the actions of a man without honour, of a man who has only desperation to his name.

Lin Chen crashes a party and makes a new friend.

The best team up ever :D

Dead Letters

Mei Changsu isn’t the only schemer in Da Liang.

Fei Liu fixes things, in the most Fei Liu way imaginable, and it’s great.

No. 6

All Good Things

In the midst of a crisis for No. 6, Nezumi returns to Shion’s side.

A reunion! And cuddling.

Psmith

The Psky Is The Limit

“As this ship’s Orator, my mission is still as it was in the beginning and shall ever be, world without end. It is to hail any message sent by comrades from outer space and pass it on to you verbatim. Well! The hour, I say, has come. The Word has come into being. Here comes Psmith, bearing news of great mirth: the intercom has spoken.”

(A Mike and Psmith Space AU)

Psmith in space! Hysterically funny Psmith in Pspace, at that.

Psmith Pops In

Psmith reached over and solicitously loosened Mike’s scarf, his fingers brushing the skin of Mike’s neck, and that young man, to his horror, felt heat creeping up from where gloved fingers brushed his bare skin. Really, this blushing nonsense was getting out of hand. Ever since Psmith had tried to take the blame in the case of the painted dog, Mike had developed an inexplicable habit of turning hot and cold around him, and these odd responses had become more and more frequent.

Very funny! And then very tragique! And then jussssst right.

The Secret Garden

The Space Garden

When Meri La Nix was sent from the Mars colony to live with her aunt at Missiles Wait Manor, nobody said she was the most disagreeable-looking child ever seen. But some of them thought it.

Beautifully inventive space retelling - with gardens, still.

The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty

The sky spinning above him

In which there’s a jewellery thief on the loose, Tang Fan plays dress up, gets a mild concussion and also a boyfriend.

Frothy, sweet, well-grounded and hot. Also hilarious (check the end note!)

truth in fiction

Three days after Wang Zhi leaves the capital, bits and pieces of his extensive library begin arriving at Sui Zhou’s house.

Sui Zhou is really committed to research and accuracy in Tang Fan’s porn. It’s delightful.

Time don’t fool me no more

“The electrician is a Tang dynasty spy,” he says, dumping some of his eggs in Tang Fan’s bowl.

Tang Fan nods, shovels more food in his mouth, and starts talking again.

Past or future, Tang Fan has Priorities. And Sui Zhou is weak.

Meeting at the End

Sui Zhou knew he never should have let Tang Fan go alone. He knew he should have gone with him.

Really, really great and desperate whump. Super satisfying.

clever boy

Tang Fan never spares a smile for any of the girls at Wang Zhi’s establishment, he’s noticed. That’s alright, though. It means Wang Zhi gets his attention for himself.

Wang Zhi falling, falling hard; it’s delightful.

a bold and brilliant sun

“You’re sure you didn’t do something to it? They don’t usually stall out,” Sui Zhou says. He looks away from Tang Fan, out the windshield at the endless rust-red of the planet.

Tang Fan pouts at this, and slumps down on the edge of the console, feet propped up at an absurd angle against the pilot’s seat. “You think I’d fake a mechanical issue just so that they’d send a sexy Fleet crewman out here to rescue me?” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he giggles. “Okay, I would do that, but I promise that this time the problem is real.”

Space AU! Most excellent space AU condensing all there is to love about the canon in one perfect package.

Blind Taste Test

Wang Zhi invites Tang Fan to evaluate Joyous Brothel’s chefs — but it’s Tang Fan and Sui Zhou who are really being tested.

Wang Zhi, ever helpful :)

Authorial Intent

Sui Zhou and Tang Fan end up in hot water yet again. Kinky sex ensues.

Hilarious, kinky, heartfelt, and in character.

Swordspoint Series - Ellen Kushner

Chrysopoeia

It struck Alec that this would have been much easier if their positions were reversed. Richard would have known what to do if he’d been dragged back here with a hole in his gut. He was quite simply not supposed to be the one on this end of the equation. In fact, it was possible he had done something very bad to deserve this.

Richard is wounded, and Alex is coping. Excellent h/c and excellent bloodplay and sharp, painful slice of Alex’ POV, excellently rendered.

At first — this was just like him — he thought he was hearing god. But it was only the man in the bed, whose face had turned toward him on the ragged pillow.

The Tarot Sequence - K.D. Edwards

Third’s a Charm

Addam asks a favor of Brand.

Addam asks Brand for help, which ends up being exactly what Brand and Rune need.

Pretty good

Five times Brand crawls into Rune’s bed and one time Rune crawls into Brand’s.

Brand and Rune, through the years.

Teixcalaan Series - Arkady Martine

Also in the Act of Reaching

When Three Seagrass arrived at Lsel Station, she was, officially at least, traveling as a private personage. She had missed Mahit and the possibilities they’d both chosen to turn away from. She also had– would always have– a gaping hole in her life where Petal had once stood.

It was simply that, left on her own, Three Seagrass wouldn’t have let either absence drag her to the ass-end of beyond.

Reunion, metaphors and realigment. Subtle and clever and just right.

The (concept of the) World Was Wide Enough

Yskandr Aghavn comes to the world like a drowning man comes to shore, but he is living on borrowed time. Teixcalaan has so many wonderful things to choke on.

Teixcalaan has had his heart for all of his life, has elevated him, corrupted him, and discarded him.

It is Lsel that he thinks of as he dies.

Temple of the White Rat Universe - T. Kingfisher

If Grace Is Too Much

Zale is given a case by Bishop Beartongue which turns out to be more complicated and personal than a holy advocate-priest would prefer.

Clever and sweet and carefully shocking, but in a very right way.

Outreach

“We don’t generally assess the… cursédness… of objects, trees or otherwise,” Beartongue said.

Utterly delightful.

#17776 #astreiant #books of the raksura #sleuth of the ming dynasty #nirvana in fire #white rat universe #telxcalaan series #the tarot sequence #swordspoint #the goblin emperor #psmith #the secret garden #benjamin january mysteries #yuletide recs

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mothman-clarice-2 · 4 years ago

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At Doom’s Gate (part 2)

Part 1: https://italians-in-paris.tumblr.com/post/636329711508865024/at-dooms-gate-part-1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Victoria was walking through the royal garden with her expression fixed in a state of deep thought. She normally strolled through the vibrant emerald greenery, meticulously trimmed flower bushes, and elegant sculptures with admiration and carefree wonder, but now she paid no attention to the beauty around her; she was too wrapped up in that letter she received earlier. What did he mean they were “obviously not human?” Could they be some animals they haven’t discovered yet? If so then why are they starting to appear just now? And if they are animals, then how could some of the victims have bullet holes? What kind of animal can wield a gun?! She had so many questions and not even a hint of an answer to any of them.

Suddenly her train of thought was interrupted by the distinct voice of her husband Albert.

“Ja! Jetzt fängst du an zu verstehen! (Yes! Now you are beginning to understand!)” He exclaimed excitedly.

Victoria went to follow the sound and found Albert sitting with their son Bertie who seemed quite proud of himself.

“Albert?” Victoria called out.

He looked back at her and smiled.

“Ah Victoria, I’m delighted to see you!” He walked over to her with a pep in his step and pressed a kiss on her cheek. “Bertie has been making great progress in learning basic physics!”

She smiled pleasantly at her son. “Is that so? My, you really are just like your father.”

“Is there something you wanted to tell me or are you just going for a walk?” Albert asked.

“I need to talk to you about something, it’s quite urgent,” she spoke quieter and with a more serious tone.

“Ah, alright.” He nodded at her before turning to Bertie. “You can go have a break from work for now, your mother and I must talk privately.”

The young boy nodded at his father before running off cheerily.

“What did you need to tell me?” Albert asked.

“I received a letter from London’s Chief of Police today. He said there have been a number of recent unexplainable murders that appear to be connected. What makes them mysterious is, well...” she paused for a moment to mentally prepare for the words that were about to exit her lips, “the perpetrators do not seem human.”

“What? What do you mean? Are they animals?” Albert asked in confusion.

“That’s the thing, they said they have no idea what they are. Most of the attacks involved scratches and lacerations whereas some involved gunshot wounds and even acid attacks. However, evidence at those crime scenes dispelled the notion that the attackers were human.”

“How can they use guns if they are not human? What animal knows how to operate a gun?”

“Like I stated before, we have no idea. We do not know what they could possibly be, all we know is that they are most likely not human.”

Albert stroked his mustache as he thought for a moment.

“I wish to see these cases in person. I am having a difficult time comprehending that these murderers are inhuman, I need to see the evidence for myself,” he said with resolve and skepticism.

“Alright, I may be able to arrange that with the Chief. I think it will benefit both of us to see the cases ourselves.”

#At Doom's Gate #doctor who #victoria itv #victoria #vicbert #prince albert of saxe-coburg-gotha #Queen Victoria

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kpopfanfictrash · 6 years ago

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A Gross Understatement (M)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Creative Content Contributor: @baebae-goodnight (it’s the last one I promise I will stop tagging u now. LOL)

Pairing: You / Jimin

Rating: R [ fluff + enemies to lovers!AU + Hogwarts!AU ]

Warnings: no actual smut but like, some mouth over bra action u know

Word Count: 1,316

Summary: A series of drabbles about Slytherin!Jimin and Hufflepuff!Y/N, the sister of his self-declared mortal enemy.

A/N: These drabbles are non-sequential.

“Mm,” Jimin exhales, cuddling closer. “I could stay here for days. Months, even. How long can the human body go without food?”

“I don’t know,” you admit, wrapping both arms tighter around his waist. By this point, your legs are so hopelessly entangled, it is difficult to tell where he ends, and you begin. “It’s lucky we’re witches and wizards. We can make food appear,” you remind him, gesturing towards Jimin’s bedside table.

Craning his neck, Jimin looks over your shoulder. “Oh, right,” he observes, reaching out for his wand. Poking your exposed forearm, he frowns. “Too bad a transformation spell wouldn’t work on you though.”

“Oh?” you respond, arching a brow. “And why not?”

“Because you’re already a snack.”

“Oh my god,” you groan, shoving his shoulder. Jimin cracks up and pulls you closer, fingers digging eagerly into the curve of your waist. You dissolve into giggles when he fake-bites your ear; this gradually turns into soft, lingering kisses trailing from your earlobe to your neck.

With a loud sort of hum, you fall flat on your back. Jimin’s comforter is kept snug over your chest, keeping you guarded from the chill of his room. Propping himself up on an elbow, some of Jimin’s hair falls into his gaze.

“You’re cute,” he observes, breaking out in a smile.

When one of his hands wanders under the blanket, you shiver. “You’re cold,” you whisper, even as you move closer. “Your hands are like ice, Slytherin-boy.”

Rolling his eyes, Jimin sighs. “Are you trying to make a joke about me being cold-blooded? Because I’m in Slytherin?”

“You said it, not me,” you grin, triumphant. Your body shakes when you start to laugh, prompting Jimin to smile.

Furrowing his brow, he reaches over to drop his wand on the floor. “Alright,” Jimin murmurs, expression changing into something more dangerous. He slowly tugs down the length of his comforter, exposing your pale, cotton undergarments – you may have woken up here this morning. “Why don’t I warm you up, then?” he whispers.

Bowing his head, Jimin presses a kiss to your throat, then your collarbone and down the slope of your chest. Instinctively, your legs curl upwards when Jimin shifts in between them. His extremely capable hands cup your waist, sliding down to your ass and lifting your hips against his.

“Too cold?” Jimin murmurs, demure. He flicks his tongue against skin, like a snake and you giggle. Deviousness crossing his expression, Jimin bends his head. Your laughter is choked off, caught in your throat when Jimin’s lips close over a nipple.

“O-oh,” you breathe, curling both hands into his hair. Jimin gently sucks, getting your bra wet while your hips arch against him. He teases his tongue over a sensitive nipple until you are writhing, panting beneath him.

Pulling backwards, Jimin slides both hands up the length of your body. He hovers over you, letting his weight settle on top of yours. It feels good, comfortable like this. Sliding both hands around his neck, you let your fingers play with the base of his hair. He really does need a trim – Jimin’s mom has been telling him this for weeks now, via Owl. She finally figured out Owl Post after six years of Muggle contact and now, Jimin is severely regretting the introduction.

Staring at you, Jimin smiles and it is somewhat alarming, how hard your chest clenches at the sight. Squeezing his waist, your hands wander to his boxers-clad ass. “Ah,” you say happily, squeezing this, too. “There it is.”

“I swear,” Jimin pouts, lips turning downward. “You only love me for my excellent body.”

Ignoring his pettiness, the word love makes your heart soar. You two only began saying that recently. “Nah,” you disagree, shaking your head. “I also love your mouth,” you say, taking both thumbs and poking the sides of his lips. “It’s so cute. You’re so cute.”

Still hovering over you, Jimin ignores this to arch a brow. “Cute? Is that all my mouth is?”

A flash of something hot, needy travels your body. You know precisely what else his lips are, which is why you glance at the hourglass, checking the time. If things go where you think they are headed, you might as well ��

“Oh, fuck!” you yelp, tossing aside the covers and nearly knocking Jimin off the bed. “Jimin! You are going to be so late for your Quidditch game.”

Flopping down on his bed, Jimin shrugs at the ceiling. “Eh,” he groans, reaching out for your elbow and attempting to pull you back into bed. “What’s one measly Quidditch game in the grand scheme of things?”

Dodging his lips, you squirm out of his grasp. “Jimin,” you groan, snatching your pants up from the floor. Hopping slightly, you try and tug them on. “I am not going to have the entire Slytherin House mad at me again because I sex-napped their Seeker! You’re playing Gryffindor today, for god’s sake.”

Grin broadening, Jimin props himself up on his elbows. His ab muscles flex wit the motion, distracting you enough that you misbutton your pants. “Yeah,” he yawns, cracking his neck. “How is Lucas feeling? Nervous, after I trounced them the last game?”

Paused with one hand in your robe, you fix your boyfriend a glare. “Ask him yourself,” you huff, “when you get on the field. If you ever get on the field.”

Oddly enough, Lucas and Jimin have been – dare you say it – somewhat getting along, in most recent months. Ever since you two began dating, Lucas decided he wanted the feud to be over. Jimin nearly choked on his Bertie Botts Every Flavour beans in response to this; your brother picked a truly awful time to make this announcement. You cannot lie; the situation was strange at first. It still is not perfect. There were a lot of hurt feelings and anger exchanged between them before you came along but things have improved, and this gives you hope.

Bending, you pluck Jimin’s robes from the floor. When you throw them at him on the bed, Jimin groans and begins pulling them on. “Fine, fine,” he grumbles, placing both feet on the floor. “But – the second I win I want you back in my bed. Naked.”

His words send heat up the back of your neck and Jimin grins, seeing you flustered. Weakly, you huff when he comes to a stop right before you. “Whatever,” you mumble, reaching up to brush your lips against his.

Grabbing your elbows, Jimin lets the kiss linger. When you finally break away, he bends his forehead to yours. “Hey,” Jimin exhales, opening his eyes. He sounds gentler than before, gaze soft in the late morning light. “I’m pretty happy. Did you know that?”

Tilting your face upwards, you smile. “I know,” you respond, equally quiet. “I am, too.”

With a hummed noise of contentment, Jimin leans for another kiss but you hold up a hand, effectively blocking him. “I’ll be happier,” you protest, wriggling free from his grasp. “If I don’t have to explain to Yoongi again why I am, ‘jeopardizing the future of the Slytherin Quidditch team.’”

With a dramatic eye roll, Jimin grabs his wand and stuffs this into his pants. Pushing a hand through his hair, the result is delightfully disheveled. “Yoongi needs to get laid,” Jimin announces, taking your hand in his to walk out of the dormitory. “He needs to get his own girlfriend and stop worrying about mine.”

Despite this, Jimin walks quickly through the hallways and you smile. As much as he pretends to be a badass, your boyfriend cannot help following the rules and being timely. As you scurry out of the castle and cross the grounds, the sounds of a cheering Quidditch pitch grow loud in the distance. You cannot help the large smile which spreads over your face.

Pretty happy, would be an understatement.

A/N: [ Master List ]

#bangtanarmynet #jimin fanfic #bts fanfic #bts writing #jimin writing #bts au #jimin au #bts hogwarts au #jimin hogwarts au

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cbetham · 5 years ago

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Helping Hands

The last customer had left the bar. Deeks locked the front door, and started turning off the Christmas window decorations. Kensi had gone home already and his mom had the night off. He didn’t mind closing by himself, it was good thinking time.

His thoughts still swirled around another close call. Deeks was still amazed that his wife was able to keep her head and got them out of that warehouse as it was exploding around him. He was so deep in thought he almost missed the noises coming from the back of the bar more specifically, out by the dumpster.

As he grabbed for his weapon from his waistband, the Detective quietly peered out the small back window. The irony of looking out a small window not lost on him. The good news, he had control of that door. At first he didn’t see anything. Then a can, followed by another, then a bottle came rolling into the alley. It seems someone was in the recycle bin. Deeks sighed as he opened the door. He lowered his gun but kept it out, just in case.

“Hey! You need to come out right now! LAPD, show yourself NOW!”

A boy who looked about 13, 14 years old, crawled out from the dumpster. “Don’t hurt me mister.”

Deeks was not expecting to see a kid. He figured it was a homeless person looking for cans and bottles to turn in. But a boy…. “What are you doing out here so late? Where do you live?”

“Are you really a cop?”

Deeks showed the boy his badge. “What’s your name?”

“Trevor”

“You got a last name Trevor?”

“Yup!”

Deeks chuckled at the boy’s chutzpah. As his eyes adjusted to the low light he got his first look at the intruder. Skinny, but not malnourished, neatly trimmed hair, military son he thought. Clothes in not too bad of shape. What was this boy doing raiding his recycle bin at 1am?

“Trevor, what are you doing out here? Where do you live?”

Trevor looked at Deeks trying to figure out what to tell him. Deeks saw his fear.

“I’m not going to hurt you. Where are your parents?”

“Dad’s deployed, Mom is home with my 3 sisters. I go out looking for cans and bottles to redeem. I like coming to your place because it’s easy to get them. You have everything separated. My Dad would approve. He’s always trying to get me to organize my stuff.”

“I’m always trying to get my wife to get organized and her Dad was a Marine.”

“So’s my Dad!” There was a note of pride in his voice. Much like when Kensi talked about her Dad. Deeks sighed. He could not just let Trevor keep digging in his dumpster but he also saw how important it was for Trevor to help his family. He knew that feeling. He did the same for Mama when he was that age.

“Trevor, with an unknown last name, how old are you?”

“13”

“Tell you what. I can see you are a big help to your Mom. I did the same thing when I was your age for my Mama. But it is WAAAAY too late for you to be out here. I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t you come help out here. You can bus tables and help during dinner time, yeah? But, I need to meet your Mom first.”

Trevor’s eyes grew big as saucers in a panic Deeks wasn’t expecting.

“You can’t, she doesn’t know I’m doing this!”

And there it was. Deeks realized that Trevor was actually 13 going on 30. He could relate. He was the man of the family and that made the Detective sad. Trevor should be hanging with his peeps, shooting hoops, discovering girls. Deeks wanted to help without insulting the boy.

“How much do you usually get for what you collect?”

“Umm usually $5.”

Deeks dug into his wallet and pulled out $10. “Here. Take this BUT, I don’t want you digging around here anymore.”

Trevor panicked. This was his favorite spot to get cans. Deeks saw the boy getting upset and continued. “I want you to come work for me over the dinner shift. You will make more money and not be out this late, especially on school nights. But you have to bring your Mom here so she can meet me and my wife. I want her to know where you are.”

The boy looked at the ten dollar bill. He understood what was being asked of him. His Mom is not going to be happy when she finds out, but it would be nice to not be sooo tired in the morning. With a slow nod of his head, the boy agreed and accepted the money.

Two weeks later

The bar was hopping. Folks were into the festive atmosphere at the “Squid and the Dagger”. Deeks was busy keeping the folks sitting at the bar happy, Kensi was delivering food to tables and taking new orders. Bertie was cooking in the kitchen. And the newest employee was rushing from table to table gathering dirty plates and resetting them for new customers. Deeks smiled thinking back to meeting Trevor’s Mom with Kensi and helping smooth things over for the boy and his late night adventures. Kate Dawson was grateful and not too mad at her son. She gave her permission for Trevor to work during the dinner shift. Kensi and Deeks promised that he would be home by 9, homework done and usually with a bag full of food from Bertie to help the family.

Deeks was grateful to Trevor for reminding him why they do the things they do. Adopting this family was a balm to his heart. Kensi and Kate became friends and with Bertie watching the girls, they would go to the gym and let Kate have some time for herself. Kate was also a military brat and missed working out. Her time with Kensi was a tonic to her well being and Mama Deeks loved taking care of the kids.

As Kensi crawled into bed, she smiled looking at her already sleeping husband. His nights had been calmer, he was sleeping better. Helping Trevor’s family seemed to be what he needed. Seeing him spend time with the boy huddled over his homework at a back table was like a snapshot of their future. Helping their own kids. As she settled down and snuggled against her husband’s back, she smiled. They’ll get there and when they do it will be everything they hoped for.

#Densi-member Mother NCISLA Squid&Dagger Densi

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luanna801 · 5 years ago

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Rating the Fashion in D.N.Angel Art (Pt. 1)

(Because this meme is fun, and these looks deserve to be appreciated. Or in some cases mocked. :-P)

A nice, comforting place to start off the list. This striped hoodie is adorable, and very much in-keeping with Daisuke’s canon sense of style. The blue at the neck of his shirt provides a little contrast while still keeping it simple. He looks cute, wholesome, approachable. Exactly how I like my Daisuke. His cuteness is apparently so intense that he radiates little stars. Valid.

10/10 Classic boy-next-door charm.

This totally looks like a boyband album cover, but in a way that’s working for me, I’m not gonna lie. I like how they’re coordinated in their all-white outfits but the looks are still individual. Dark’s jacket is very cute, as is Daisuke’s in a more relaxed way. I like the little wing detail on the back of Satoshi’s shirt. Honestly my only criticism of this is why Satoshi looks like something splattered in his eye.

9/10 BACKSTREET’S BACK ALRIGGGGGHT

I thought I should include at least one piece that gives you a good look at the school uniforms. They’re very cute! The red-and-white color scheme is nice. (It was thoughtful of the school to match their uniforms to the protagonist’s coloring.) Those little cropped jackets on the girls’ uniform are very cute, and I like the detailing on the collars too.

9/10 Stylishly preppy without being too much.

I don’t actually think this look is objectively good. The arm-warmers look like random pieces of fabric that he tied in place with string. The shirt looks less “artfully ripped” and more like it’s being eaten away by acid. But none of that actually matters, because he is SELLING it. Look at the absolute confidence in those eyes. That look says “Maybe my shirt is disintegrating, because it JUST CAN’T HANDLE BEING THIS CLOSE TO MY BODY.” What he’s wearing is actually irrelevant. He looks absolutely badass.

10/10 FIERCE. Tyra Banks would approve.

It’s hard to put my finger on what exactly isn’t working about this. Riku’s shirt feels like it would be more in-keeping with her style if it didn’t have the lacing up the front. Risa kinda looks like she’s wearing a lacy nightgown with gloves. Neither of these looks is terrible, but I’m just not really feeling it. I feel like Sugisaki was maybe still figuring out Riku and Risa’s styles when she drew this.

6.5/10 Room for improvement.

A mixed bag! Daisuke might be wearing The Jacket(TM), although the coloring is different than when Sugisaki colored The Jacket(TM) later. In any case, he looks great. The combination of the black jacket with the red/white/black plaid trim looks very crisp and classic. Satoshi, on the other hand, looks low-key like a sleazy casino owner. The high collar/huge houndstooth print/necklace(?) combination is just too much.

5/10 Even my love for Satoshi cannot make that look work.

CUUUUTE. This is giving me very Bertie Wooster vibes, for some reason. He looks like the spoiled but good-natured heir to a fortune whose butler keeps needing to get him out of shenanigans. I would be down for this AU.

8.5/10 Fingers crossed for a Black Butler crossover.

WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE. I’m not actually sure I have words to do justice to how bad this is. It just looks like random pieces of fabric thrown together haphazardly. The little metal thingies make no sense. The orange-and-gold color scheme is garish. Nothing about this looks good, but beyond that, nothing about it even makes sense. This is the nadir of D.N.Angel fashion. For my sanity I’m going to hope it’s referencing some series I’m not familiar with.

-10/10 WTF.

An excellent palate-cleanser! I think the fact that they’re sharing a scarf is adorable. Riku’s whole look here is perfection to me - the way the red roses on her sleeves coordinate with her red gloves is VERY stylish, and those cute buttons at the wrists? Fantastic. Daisuke’s shirt seems nice, though I can’t for the life of me figure out what it says. Points for having a shared color scheme, although the fact that his shirt is white and hers is cream does clash a bit, arguably.

9.5/10 Overall, a great example of couple dressing done right.

THE JACKET(TM)!!!!!!! You can’t actually see that much of what he’s wearing (although the art itself is gorgeous), but I am incapable of being objective about this. Seeing this just reminds me of how much I adore these scenes, and this arc as a whole. Also the word bubble here is literally Satoshi talking about how he’s dying, and that is not remotely okay. Someone hug him, please.

1000/10 FEELS.

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teenvogue · 6 years ago

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Williams-Sonoma Adds to Harry Potter Collection With Cookie Cutters, Chocolate Wands, and More

What crafty witch or cunning wizard could not resist a purely magical Hogwarts Holiday? Even muggles are aware that nobody puts on a Christmas spectacular quite like Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry—the tree trimmings, decorated Great Hall, caroling ghosts, and festive knit sweaters (thanks Mrs. Weasley) are all part of an enchanted holiday.

Well, this holiday season, Williams Sonoma is giving Hogwarts Alumni a hand in the gifting department with an assortment of new Harry Potter merchandise! You’ll recall the magical collection of HP décor items from the PBteen series? This time, the collection of charming items has expanded into the kitchen and foods too—yes, so magical.

Fresh off the Hogwarts trolley, shoppers will be delighted with sweet treats such as; Gummy Frogs, Harry Potter Chocolate Wands, Acid Pops, Cinnamon Balls, Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, Lemon Sherbets, and more. Setting the sweets aside (Ron, don’t you think about it) aprons, linens, water bottles, and spatulas have been added to the new collection too. Did we mention each item is emblazoned with each Hogwarts House Crest? So, no matter if you’re a Ravenclaw, brilliant in blue or a Gryffindor, valiant in burgundy; there's a house-themed apron and cooking essentials for you.

Personally, we’re no Hogwarts’ House Elf, but the Harry Potter House Crest Cookie Cutters will be making their way onto our holiday cookie exchange list this year. Of course, the crème-de-la-crème of the entire collection is the Hedwig ceramic cookie jar. It’s perfect for storing your magical treats or all of your owl mail letters—either way, we need it!

The new Harry Potter Collection is available exclusively at Williams Sonoma stores and at Williams-Sonoma.com, and you can see some of our favorite items below. Mischief managed.

See the collection

📸: Williams-Sonoma

#Teen Vogue #Harry Potter #Cooking #Home Decor #williams-sonoma #Ravenclaw #Hufflepuff #gryffindor #slytherin

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amelierose13 · 5 years ago

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Downton Digressions - Season 3 Episode 1

Well welcome back after an unexpected hiatus! There's lots to unpack in this episode, so if it seems disjointed, it's because I couldn't bring myself to trim something out!

We might as well get Anna & Bates out of my system right off the bat, seeing as their scenes together are the oasis in the desert for me (since they are indeed few and far between). Those eye crinkles at Anna's mentioning Matthew and Mary's planned time to get "used to each other"! Ah, where were these moments in later seasons? The eye crinkles do me in. It's no fun having one half of your OTP in prison, but at least they're still getting decent scenes and their own storyline at this point! I love Detective Anna, but just want to put Bates in time out for a bit for not listening to Anna's mother. I'm not asking Bates and Craig to have a knitting circle together or anything, but did Bates really have to pull a power move like that? We know you're innocent, honey, but surely you survived in prison the first time by not doing stuff like that?

And then there's the "All the Money is Gone" plot - ugh. What (gestures vaguely) was that? Granted, it was a great excuse to see Cora's mother, in action but bleh. At least Robert didn't try to lie to Cora or somesuch. This is example C of all this Greek drama happening off-stage with Robert about to tell Mary, her saying "Go on..." and cut scene. I don't like this tension between Mary and Matthew and this whole drawn out plot. It needs to end soon, as it's already not soon enough. Regardless of this, I can't get enough Martha Levinson. I loved the new music that had enough of Copland flavor to leave no doubt in our minds that this is indeed an American who is arriving. Seeing her unflappable chill in the face of a slightly ruffled Dowager was dessert in itself, though her causing Matthew to skitter off with an, "Oh, look at the time!" was also highly amusing.

Also entertaining is the arrival of Alfred, who proves that in some cases the apple doesn’t fall close to the tree at all (which has me really wondering about what happened to shape O'Brien into who she is when we meet her). Our shiny new footman, according to the Downton Wiki, is exactly two and a half inches taller than Carson (much to his disapprobation), which is enough to shock even the Dowager into commenting on it. Carson doesn't like having to look up to a footman he didn't have a hand in hiring, which will make him taking Alfred under his wing all the more delightful later on.

Which brings me to Matthew saving the day by showing some solidarity with Branson in the face of far too many hostile wealthy folks with a cheeky, "If we're mad enough to take on the Crawley girls, we have to stick together!" More unexpected was the Dowager taking him on and forcing him into the morning coat - because who is going to argue with her if she's taken to making sure Tom fits in? And oh, did my heart jerk when Sybil wished Mary could know Tom like she does - ah! She will!

Is it sad that I'm already mourning the end of this seasons when it's just begun? I'm positively dreading the next two seasons after this. Perhaps we can skip them altogether and I'll read the Downton Wiki episode synopses to J aloud and call it good.

Other Mentionables

LARRY! I *completely* forgot about this! How could that piece of trash ever have been sweet on Sybil?! It would never have worked out, not ever. It's fun to see Dickie and Larry again so early in the series!

Knowing Bertie is at the end, would Edith have been happy with Strallan?

Thomas needs to shut up. It's fun to watch him and O'Brien exercising their powers against each other (though it's dreadful to know where it's going to end Thomas). You'd think Daisy would have learned by now not to listen to him!

Matthew's character is about to derail, and I'm not looking forward to it. *sighs* I still love them so much, even with the silly last-minute "Will they or won't they?" drama.

Carson and Robert's faces as Mary descends the stairs! And I like that they skipped the actual wedding.

#downton digressions #downton abbey #anna bates #john bates #alfred nugent #charles carson #martha the queen levinson #tom branson #matthew crawley

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paralleljulieverse · 6 years ago

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It is common knowledge that Star! –– the spectacular 1968 Julie Andrews musical currently celebrating its 50th anniversary –– underwent substantial editing in the wake of its ill-fated US release. Dismayed by the film’s poor box-office and panicked by the rapid downturn in the domestic movie market, Fox executives ordered a series of increasingly drastic cuts to Star!, culminating in the film’s ignominious withdrawal from distribution in June 1969 and subsequent re-release four months later in a radically shortened, re-titled version as Those Were The Happy Times (formerly known as Star!) (Edwards 1993; Holston: 220-21). This sorry tale of post-release hatcheting is part of the historical legend of Star! and also part of its unjust reputation as “the H-bomb of musicals” (Kanfer: 78).

What is possibly less well-known is that Star! underwent select trimming before its release, as well. At the end of the film’s post-production in April 1968, director Robert Wise had assembled a working rough cut that was shown to studio personnel and test-screened with two preview audiences in Cleveland and Denver in early-May. The response was overwhelmingly positive. Of the 814 preview cards received, 633 rated the film “excellent”, 146 “good” and only 3 marked it “bad” (Edwards). Nevertheless, Wise and editor, William Reynolds, went back to make a number of further adjustments to the film ahead of its global premiere in London in July 1968. Much of this late-stage editing work was relatively minor –– pruning a shot here and there in order to tighten pacing –– but several short narrative scenes were also cut in their entirety.

None of this material was particularly significant and, given that the final roadshow release of Star! ended up with a marathon running time of 176 minutes –– enough to “test the patience of even those of us enamored with Andrews, musicals, and showbiz dramas” (Betancourt, 2014) –– the cuts were possibly all-to-the-good. Still, it is not difficult to see what these excised scenes were designed to achieve and, in some respects, their loss exacerbated problematic aspects of the film’s narrative complexion.

What follows is a brief catalogue of the major scenes dropped from Star! They are presented in order of where they originally occurred in narrative sequence. For the most part, details are taken from the final shooting version of the screenplay by William Fairchild, dated 25 January 1967, and augmented where possible with archival material.

A further sense of where and how these “lost scenes” functioned narratively is provided by the paperback novelization of Star! by Bob Thomas (1968). As discussed in a previous post, novelizations were a popular feature of film culture in the 1960s and 70s. Because they had to be written well in advance of a film’s release, novelizations were typically adapted from shooting scripts and rough cuts and, as with Bob Thomas’s adaptation of Star!, they frequently include narrative material that didn’t always make the final cut.

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Lost Scene 1: Gertie and the Singing Doughboys

Screenplay Scenes 35-36, 38 (filmed 19 September 1967, Stage 22, 20th Century-Fox Studios) This short sequence occurred immediately after Gertie makes her stagedoor flight from the disastrous Daffodil Girls music-hall performance in Swansea (“In My Garden of Joy”). In it, Gertie is shown hitching a ride with a military supplies lorry back to London in search of better opportunities. An establishing external shot (35) shows the lorry rumbling down a country road past a “London 34 miles” signpost, followed by an internal shot (36) of the driver’s cabin with Gertie sandwiched between two young soldiers in uniform, all singing a lively chorus of “Oh, It’s a Lovely War” (Fairchild: 25; Thomas: 26). In earlier versions of the screenplay, this short sequence was preceded by a number of additional scenes (33-34) showing Gertie working odd jobs and sleeping in a train station but these were dropped prior to production and never filmed. A further shot (38) that was filmed but subsequently cut during postproduction occurred in the ensuing scene where Gertie arrives in London and sneaks her way into the Lumley Court Theatre in the hope of auditioning for André Charlot. As she stops in the theatre alleyway, Gertie looks up at the poster advertising the new Charlot revue and whispers to herself “quietly but with complete confidence, ’…With Gertrude Lawrence!’” (Fairchild: 28).

While minor, this cut material clearly worked to underscore Gertie’s driving ambition and her determination to do whatever it takes to realise her dreams of stardom.

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Lost Scene 2: Gertie and Billie Carleton

Screenplay Scene 53 (filmed 29 April 1967, Stage 14, 20th Century-Fox Studios) This scene followed Gertie’s triumphant ‘understudy’ performance of “Burlington Bertie”. After the narrational newsreel footage detailing Armistice Day celebrations and the return of star Billie Carleton to the theatre, Billie is seen backstage surrounded by well-wishers from the troupe. Gertie appears from one of the dressing rooms and comes up to greet Billie with ‘star’ and ‘understudy’ indulging in affectionately bitchy repartee. Played with camp theatricality and lashings of “dahhhlings” and air kisses, the scene highlighted Gertie’s growing sense of hauteur and theatrical confidence, while emphasising her thwarted ambitions. It thus helped preface the later confrontation scene (55) between Gertie and first husband, Jack Roper where he complains, “ever since you’ve been put back in the chorus, it’s been nothing but belly-aching!” (Fairchild: 52).

Interestingly, this sequence between Gertie and Billie was the only sustained dialogue scene to feature Lynley Laurence, the actress who plays Billie Carleton in Star!. With its excision, Laurence’s role was reduced to a handful of mostly non-speaking scenes, though she would still receive a special featured screen credit in the final film.

As another interesting aside, the dialogue for the cut scene has Billie Carleton joke that Gertie likely wishes “I’d broken my neck”. The real-life Carleton did in fact die not long after the events depicted here. Following a gala ball at the Albert Hall to celebrate Armistice on 27 November 1918, Carleton returned to her suite at the Savoy Hotel where she was found dead the next day from a cocaine overdose. It was a huge scandal at the time that subsequently formed the basis for Noël Coward’s first hit play, The Vortex (1924) about drug abuse and sexual impropriety in English high society (Hoare: 37-39).

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Lost Scene 3: Gertie and Sir Anthony Go Boating

Screenplay Scene 61 (filmed 29 June, Regent’s Park, London; and 23-24 August 1967, Stage 21, and 8 September, Stage 22, 20th Century-Fox Studios) This was the first of several cut scenes detailing Gertie’s blossoming romance with Sir Anthony ‘Tony’ Spencer (Michael Craig) and, with it, her rise in social status. Immediately following their first dinner date where Gertie alternately titillates and shocks the assembled society guests with ribald theatre stories, Gertie and Tony go on a ‘date’ to the boating lake at Regent’s Park (Fairchild: 60-61). As the pair sit in the rowboat, Tony explains the history of the Park in florid detail as Gertie looks glum and distracted. “Words!”, she says dejectedly, “I look at things and all I can say is –– they’re nice!…You’ve got to teach me more words”, thus highlighting her recognition of the need for increased social sophistication. After a further exchange, Gertie moves in to give Tony a kiss when the rocking of the boat throws her into his arms.

The allusion in this scene to linguistic training sets up a marked Pygamalion / My Fair Lady dynamic with Tony cast as a Professor Higgins-type figure –– albeit, more “patient and kind and wonderful” –– who helps mentor Gertie in the ways of aristocratic high society. There is even a pointed reference in the dialogue to Gertie’s background as a Cockney. Traces of this dynamic remain in the final film, notably in the scene where Gertie arrives at Cesare’s in her new gown and, responding to a compliment about the dress, starts to say “It is rather nice…” when she catches Tony’s eye and quickly corrects herself, “…er…divine, isn’t it?” (Fairchild: 64).

This scene on the lake involved considerable strategic planning during filming. At the end of a one week period of location shooting in the south of France in June 1967, the production crew proceeded to London for the next stage of filming. Julie, however, flew back to Hollywood, ostensibly to start rehearsals for the big musical numbers, though there is some suggestion she needed to avoid entering the UK for tax purposes (Craig: 151; Land: 296). As a result, location shots on the lake at Regent’s Park had to be filmed using a double to stand in for Julie who sat in the boat with actor Michael Craig. London’s notoriously capricious weather added to the woes with the crew having to wait hours on the day of shooting till 5:00pm when “the sun burst forth long enough to permit the photographing of a brilliant scene”. All the while, “property master, Dennis Parrish, had to toss bread to ducks…to keep them within camera range ready when the time came” (Land: 334-35; also Heffernan: 30). This location footage was then intercut with later process shots of Julie and Michael Craig filmed in front of a blue-screen at Fox studios. Production accounts detail that studio filming for the scene occupied two full days on August 23 and 24 on Stage 21 (Edwards). Despite the work and effort, the dialogue component of the sequence was cut in its entirety and all that remained in the final release print is a few brief insert shots of Gertie and Tony in the rowboat.

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Lost Scene 4: Gertie Gets a Make-Over

Screenplay Scene 63 (filmed 11-13 and 18 September 1967, Stage 16, 20th Century-Fox Studios) Continuing the Pygmalion theme from the previous cut scene, this sequence detailed Gertie’s ongoing social metamorphosis as Tony takes her to the salon of couturier, Julian Brooke-Taylor (Fairchild: 63-64). Of all the cut scenes, this one was possibly the longest with an estimated running time of several minutes.

Here Gertie is introduced to the grand world of haute couture and the even grander character of Julian Brooke-Taylor. Described in the screenplay as “[t]hin, fortyish…not a homosexual, but rather asexual, always appearing elegantly weary but in fact full of creative energy” (Fairchild: 63), Brooke-Taylor was played by Scottish-born character actor, Monty (Monte) Landis. Today, Landis is best remembered for his cavalcade of cameo villains in the cult TV series The Monkees (1968) but he had a long career as a comic actor in theatre and film in both the UK and the US. Prior to Star!, Landis had a string of minor but memorable character cameos in films such as The Mouse That Roared (1959), Charade (1963) and Double Trouble (1967), as well as several popular TV series of the era including The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. (1966), Get Smart (1967) and Batman (1967). The latter series was filmed at 20th Century Fox studios at more or less the same time as Star! which is possibly how Landis secured his brief role in the film.

As detailed in the Fairchild screenplay (63-64) and Thomas novelization (50-51), the lengthy sequence starts with a mid-shot of Brooke-Taylor sitting on a Louis Quinze settee, “an expression of well-bred resignation on his face” (Fairchild: 63). As he spouts a humorously imperious monologue about being “the best couturier in London..many would say the whole of Europe”, the film cuts to a long shot of Gertie and Tony combing through hundreds of glamorous gowns in the gilt and marble salon, “dresses are everywhere –– in a large open wardrobe, draped on chairs and settees” (Fairchild: 63). Gertie picks up dress after dress, “considering it and then, as Tony shakes his head, rejecting it and adding it to the growing discard pile beside Julian” (ibid). All the while, Brooke-Taylor continues his waspish spiel:

“So who am I to complain, my dear Tony, when you invade my salon two hours after it is officially closed in order not to buy but merely to borrow. Please, please, do not for a moment imagine that you are imposing –– just feel completely free to treat me as you would any small, overworked dressmaker around the corner who runs up clever little numbers in her spare time after high tea…” (Fairchild: 63-64).

Finally, Tony finds the perfect dress –– the brilliant black and ruby beaded décolleté gown that Gertie wears to Cesare’s in the next scene. As he holds it up to Gertie, Brooke-Taylor stops mid-breath, “[h]is face lightens, [t]he artist in him beams whole-hearted approval and admiration,” “Ah!,” he purrs, “Yes!” (Fairchild: 64; Thomas: 51).

Other than highlighting Gertie’s continued social transformation, this scene also served to establish the context for Gertie’s subsequent employment as a salon model for Brooke-Taylor in the later fashion show sequence. Its omission from the final print of the film doesn’t cause a major logical inconsistency but it does weaken some of the backstory. From the way it is written, and given Landis’s theatrical comic style, one imagines that the scene would likely have had a ‘comic relief’ tenor not unlike that of the later fashion show where Cathleen Cordell provides such wonderfully humorous flourish as the affected salon vendeuse.

It’s unclear why the Brooke-Taylor sequence was dropped in its entirety. Production accounts show that more than two full days were spent shooting material for it from 11-13 September 1967 on Stage 16 at Fox Studios, with the fashion show filmed immediately after on the same set from 13-14 September (Edwards). Further retakes were ordered for 18 September which possibly suggests that Wise was unhappy with aspects of the scene as originally filmed/played. Maybe he remained unhappy, maybe the sequence felt out of keeping with surrounding material, or maybe Wise just wanted to reduce an already overlong first half? Either way, the visit to Julian Brooke-Taylor was consigned to the cutting room floor.

Monte Landis, the actor playing Brooke-Taylor, had a bit of an unfortunate run in 1967. At about the same time he filmed his dropped cameo for Star!, Landis also appeared as part of the original line-up for the TV pilot of Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In, but when the series was subsequently picked up by NBC for what would prove to be a six season run, Landis was let go and replaced by another British comedian (Erickson:108). There was some compensation for the actor when he secured his semi-recurring role as the resident villain in the second season of The Monkees (1968), which as suggested earlier remains his most famous work to this day. As detailed in his iMDB profile, Landis continued to secure intermittent TV work throughout the 70s with cameos in shows such as Hawaii Five-O (1971), Columbo (1971) and Police Woman (1973), as well as the odd big screen film like Myra Breckinridge (1970) and Young Frankenstein (1974). As late as the 80s and early 90s, Landis could still be seen popping up in the occasional episode of The Golden Girls (1987) or comedy film like Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985) and Heart Condition (1990).

In between these screen assignments, Landis seems to have done a good deal of live theatre. In an interesting “six degrees” moment, just a few months prior to his work on Star!, Landis appeared in a revival of Lady in the Dark at the Pasadena Playhouse –––– opposite Marni Nixon in the Gertrude Lawrence role, what’s more –– where he reportedly stopped the show with the comic “Tchaikovsky” number (“Monty Landis Draws”: 35). Landis also found something of a second career as a spiritualist in the 1970s hosting a weekly programme on a Southern California radio station devoted to the occult (Martin: S8). This interest in all things spiritual must have continued as the last press mention we’ve been able to find about Landis reports that, in 2007, he had retired to Palm Springs where he was teaching Kabbalah (Salkin: E1).

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Lost Scene 5: Gertie at St James Palace

Screenplay Scene 69 (filmed 29 May 1967, Lotos Club, New York City; and 1 July 1967, Westminster School, London ) This brief scene was the third of the excised episodes depicting Gertie’s social metamorphosis courtesy of Sir Anthony Spencer. Immediately following the newsreel insert profiling Gertie’s embrace of “the fads and the fashions of crazy postwar England of the early 20′s” –– doing the Charleston, hot air ballooning, awarding the prize at an auto car race –– and her ascent to royal social circles, this scene showed Gertie and Tony arriving at St James Palace. Resplendent in a fur-trimmed gold brocade cape, Gertie enters the Palace on the arm of Sir Tony looking every inch the princess when, falling back into mock Cockney, she whispers: “D’you think his Royal Highness would mind if I loosened me stays? They’re killing me” (Fairchild: 71).

The scene was clearly designed to highlight Gertie’s triumph in her new “role” as “the glittering darling of society” while remaining true to her irreverent working-class spirit. This theme –– along with the whole Pygmalion-esque subtext –– is explicit in Bob Thomas’s novelization:

“Under Tony’s tutelage, the girl from Clapham was becoming a lady. The metamorphosis was not always easy. Sometimes in the middle of a formal dinner Gertie uttered a cockneyism that sent the table into a roar of laughter. But she always laughed with the other guests –– Gertie never pretended to be anything she wasn’t. And she always listened carefully to Tony’s coaching afterward. He would point out where she said the wrong thing or used the wrong fork. As in the theatre, she learned her cues quickly and never repeated an error” (Thomas: 56).

Like the earlier rowboat scene, this one required a strategic blend of location and studio shooting. The bulk of the interior was filmed with Julie and Michael Craig on 29 May 1967 at the Lotos Club in New York City. Craig was still appearing on Broadway at the time in Pinter’s The Homecoming and this shoot was his very first piece of work for Star!. Additional footage of Gertie and Tony arriving at St James was filmed a few weeks later on 1 July at the Westminster School in London with Craig and a double to stand in for Julie (Edwards).

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Lost Scene 6: Cavalry to the Rescue

Screenplay Scene 86-88 (filmed 3 July 1967, Guards’ Parade, Whitehall, London) This bridging sequence occurred when Sir Anthony Spencer arrives to visit Gertie with his surprise proposal of marriage. Following a series of establishing shots of Tony riding with the Guards on ceremonial parade –– shots which remain in the final release print of the film –– the original sequence continued to show Tony arriving at Gertie’s London mews house. He dismounts from his horse and passes the bridle to his personal equerry, Corporal of Horse Cooper (Max Faulkner). As he walks towards the rear of the house, still in full regalia “his accoutrements clanking”, Tony passes Gertie’s maid Mary (Barbara Ogilvie) who is carrying a tray of tea and sugar to the guardsmen. The camera stays on Mary as she goes to the guardsmen and chats amicably with Cooper, telling him to feed sugar to the horses “[t]hen you can have your tea” (Fairchild: 82).

Other than the opportunity to further showcase the colourful pomp of the Royal Life Guards –– which, as detailed in an earlier post, had been strategically selected by Wise for the visual impact of their uniforms –– this scene also helped underscore the established intimacy of Gertie and Tony’s relationship. That Gertie’s maid should greet Sir Tony and his Corporal by name and come out prepared with a tray of tea for the brigade indicates that this not-so clandestine morning visit to Gertie via her back door was a routine arrangement for the two lovers.

The actor who appears as Corporal Cooper, Max Faulkner had a long career as a character player and stuntman in British film and TV, possibly best remembered for his work on the cult TV show, Doctor Who. The cutting of the sequence meant that Faulkner lost what little dialogue he had in the film, though he can still be seen riding alongside Michael Craig in the opening shot and reacting to Tony’s sneeze. He can also be seen later in the film in reprise footage of the Life Guards on parade, immediately prior to Gertie and Tony’s visit to the Lord Chamberlain. In this scene, which was filmed on location at the same time as the earlier sequence, Faulkner’s character is front and centre on screen bellowing a series of commands to the mounted Guardsmen. In the original screenplay this establishing shot is followed by an additional brief dialogue scene where Gertie passes the Guards on her way into the Lord Chamberlain’s office and greets Cooper by name (Scene 118). “Good morning Miss Lawrence. Nice to see you back,” the corporal says (Fairchild: 123). When Noel shoots Gertie a questioning look, she explains, “Well, I have been to St James Palace before.” “For heaven’s sake,” gasps Noel, “don’t mention that!” (Fairchild: 123).

While Max Faulkner at least made it into the final release print of Star!, Barbara Ogilvie in the part of Mary was less fortunate. With the excision of the dialogue portion of Sir Tony’s arrival at Gertie’s house, her role disappeared completely. A native Londoner, Ogilvie carved out a solid career playing character parts on UK TV, including a regular stint in the mid-70s on the long-running soap opera, Emmerdale. Possibly due to production logistics or possibly to help denote the passage of time, Gertie is given a different maid later in the film, Dorothy who is played by Matilda Canan.

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As stated at the outset, it is not difficult to understand why these various scenes were cut from Star! Their excision reduced an already over-long running time and arguably helped tighten pacing. Nevertheless, one can equally appreciate the intent behind these scenes and their role in furthering character and plot.

One of the most common criticisms made of Star! is that its episodic revue format works against optimal narrative development and, with it, audience identification. Squeezed into brief segments between the film’s mammoth musical performances, Gertie’s life is rendered via a series of epigrammatic highlights with a surfeit of information and dazzle, but not a lot of emotional depth. As Richard Schickel (1968) writes in a characteristic example of this critical complaint:

“William Fairchild’s Star! script, ranging over a [long] period of Gertrude Lawrence’s career, deals in types rather than people, romances rather than loves. It is always at a documentary distance from its subject and her world. Maybe she was unknowable, in the full biographical sense, but we must have the illusion of knowledge, a sense of motives more subtle and complex than we receive” (10).

Moreover, the fact that Star! is a theatrical revue style musical where the numbers are staged as semi-realist replications of Gertie’s theatrical performances, and not as organic expressions of character and narrative as is the case in an integrated ‘book’ musical, means that whatever sense we get of Gertie and her story can only really come from the bridging moments in-between. As director Robert Wise reflected in later years:

“People often ask me why [Star!] didn’t work…It’s hard to find answers. Maybe [audiences] just weren’t prepared to like Julie in the kind of character Gertie Lawrence was. Maybe we spent too much time on musical numbers and didn’t spend enough time digging into her character, getting the kind of contact of the audience with what made her tick. With The Sound of Music, we certainly made contact with the audience in terms of the relationship between Maria and the children and the Captain. The audience knew where everybody was coming from basically” (Leeman, 195).

It’s doubtful that the excised material profiled here would have made much of an appreciable difference in this regard. Like applying a band-aid to a gaping wound, the film’s narrative deficiencies required more substantial revisions than the inclusion of a couple of minor book scenes. Still, these scenes do at least gesture towards expanded character development and suggest several lines that might have been profitably mined in a more carefully structured narrative treatment.

Finally, it is not known if any of this edited material from Star! still exists. If it does, the chance of it seeing light of day is sadly remote. Cut footage from the Fox-Wise-Andrews megahit, The Sound of Music has never surfaced, suggesting a studio history of either outright junking or public embargo. Moreover, if the material were available, it would surely have been included as part of the comprehensively packaged laserdisc release that accompanied the film’s 25th anniversary in 1993. Still, hope springs eternal and maybe the ‘lost scenes of Star!’ will finally appear as part of that deluxe 50th Anniversary Blu-Ray release that we know just has to be round the corner!

Sources:

Betancourt, Manuel. “Robert Wise Centenary: Star! (1968).” The Film Experience. <http://thefilmexperience.net/blog/2014/9/9/robert-wise-centenary-star-1968.html>. 2014.

Craig, Michael. The Smallest Giant: An Actor’s Life. Sydney: Allen and Unwin, 2005.

Edwards, T.J. “The Saga of ‘Star!’”. Star! Special Edition LaserDisc. Beverley Hills, CA: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, 1993.

Erickson, Hal. ‘From Beautiful Downtown Burbank’: A Critical History of Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In. Jefferson, NC: McFarland and Co, 2000.

Fairchild, William. Star! Screenplay. Final version. 25 January, 1967.

Heffernan, Harold. “Squeaky Sound Stage Troubles ‘Star’.” Philadelphia Daily News. 18 August 1967: 30.

Hoare, Philip. Oscar Wilde’s Last Stand: Decadence, Conspiracy, and the Most Outrageous Trial of the Century. New York: Arcade Publishing, 1997.

Holston, Kim R. Movie Roadshows: A History and Filmography of Reserved-Seat Limited Showing, 1911-1973. Jefferson, NC: McFarland and Co, 2013.

Kanfer, Stefan. “Cinema: Quarter Chance.” Time. 96: 4. 27 July 1970: 78.

Land, Kevin. “Recreating Four Decades of Modern History for Star!”. American Cinematographer. 50: 3, March 1969: 294-266, 332-336.

Leeman, Sergio. Robert Wise on His Films: From Editing Room to Director’s Chair. Los Angeles: Silman-James Press, 1995.

Martin, Bob. “TeleVues: They Have the Spirit, It Says.” Independent Press-Telegram. 5 August 1973: S8.

“Monty Landis Draws Many Laughs in ‘Lady’”. Independent Star News. 15 January 1967: 35.

Salkin, Judith. “Building One’s Character.” The Desert Sun. 18 November 2007: E1.

Schickel, Richard. “Two Stars: One Glowing One Dim.” Life. 65: 19. 8 November 1968: 19.

Thomas, Bob. Star! New York: Bantam, 1968.

Images:

“70 mm cinema film strip” by Zigmej, CC BY-SA 3.0 [Adapted].

STAR!, 1968 [Laserdisc], R. Wise, Fox Video, 1993.

St Hilaire, Al. Photographic Contact Sheets for STAR! [Unpublished], 1967.

Twentieth Century Fox, STAR! Press Kit and Publicity Materials, 1968.

Special thanks to Hanne.

#julie andrews #Star!#star!50 #Robert Wise #gertrude lawrence #classic film #musical #lost scenes #film history #old hollywood #lynley laurence #monte landis #Twentieth Century Fox #William Fairchild #michael craig #max faulkner #barbara ogilvie

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