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slut4slytherinss · 1 year ago

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Gold Rush

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Summary: in which (fem!)reader is in love with Mattheo, but so is everyone else. Reader pushes her feelings deep down, convinced Mattheo, beautiful Mattheo could never love her. In doing so, hurting herself, and a certain curly haired boy.

3,014 words

Warnings: cursing, fighting, slight mention of sexual content, reader being self-conscious, Mattheo being an idiot, Mattheo and his big ego, angst, potentially more parts(???), not proofread bc I don’t have time, a few references to movies IF YOU SQUINT, possibly ooc Mattheo (I haven’t read Everything Black in a hot minute forgive me), use of Y/n, Tom Riddle is Mattheo’s father in this, Regulus is in fact dead (rip my man), Mattheo and reader being a bitch lol, in character-ish Enzo but not headcannon Enzo, THEO IS IN THE SLUG CLUB FOR THE PLOT IM AWARE THAT HE WASNT IN THE BOOKS

2nd person pov

Hufflepuff prefect reader

Female reader

Gleaming, twinkling, eyes like sinking ships on waters. So inviting, I almost jump in.

Your eyes are trained on the dark haired boy, specifically those deep eyes. “I know I’m pretty, you don’t have to stare, love.” Mattheo grins, you quickly dart your eyes away, “I wasn’t staring.” you murmur. He scoots his chair back, the feet scraping against the old library floor, he stands up and walks towards you— not even bothering to push the bloody chair back in. He takes a seat right next to you and rests his chin on your shoulder, “You really should be studying, y’know? Can’t have m’girl failing her exams.” My girl. You roll your eyes. “I’m immune to your charms, Riddle.” You say, almost as if you were trying to convince yourself of that. “Are you, though? I mean, remember in first year when you—“ you quickly cut him off, a foreign red flush invading your cheeks. “I was eleven!” You whisper-yell, his grin widens at your embarrassment. “Okay.” He drags the word out, “Some things never change, badger.” You furrow your eyebrows “Excuse me?” “Y’know? Badger, you’re a Hufflepuff, unless you’re shagging Diggory and stole his tie.” He gestures to your yellow tie, you roll your eyes. “First of all, Cedric is taken and if you call me badger again, I will ruin your pretty face.” “You think I’m pretty?” Another eye roll. “If you keep rolling your eyes at me, they’re gonna get stuck back there.” Before you can reply, a girl you recognize as a Slytherin fifth year, only younger than you by a year, calls for the boy sitting in front of you. “Mattheo! I don’t have all day, c’mon.” He looks back at the blonde girl and sighs, “Merlin’s beard,” he murmurs, then calls out to her “I’m coming Eloise!” Causing you to let out a laugh. He gives you a look, making you laugh even harder. But once he walks away, you realize that he, Mattheo Riddle, is probably hooking up with that girl, that absolute model, making your smile fade. Making you feel like an idiot for even thinking that he’d like you. For thinking you should inflate his ego even further by confessing.

But I don’t like a gold rush, gold rush. I don’t like anticipating my face in a red flush. Everybody wants you. Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you.

You clutch your books close to your chest, dodging the hundreds of children rushing to get to class. Like every other day. A paper airplane comes straight toward you, it’s about to hit you clean in the forehead, you duck just in time— but a hand reaches out and catches it. You look over to thank the person, it’s Mattheo. Of course it’s Mattheo. That damned boy never leaves you alone. “You alright?” He asks, seeming genuinely concerned. Of course he does. He always does. “I’m fine, Riddle.” You spit out, fighting back your horrid feelings. He tries to speak but you just walk toward the potions classroom.

Walk past, quick brush. I don’t like slow motion double vision in a rose blush.

You sigh as you walk into the lavatory. Standing in front of the sink, you splash your face with some water. Trying to cool yourself down. “Y/n?” Fucking Mattheo. “I really don’t have time for your bullshit, what are you even doing in the girls la—“ you cut yourself off as you see Mattheo, a girl against the wall, not Eloise, a different girl. An older girl, a seventh year. Looking annoyed as ever. You let out a breath of surprise. Shaking your head you turn back around and walk out of the bathroom. Feeling like an idiot. Like always when it comes to that boy.

I don’t like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush. Everybody wants you. But I don’t like a gold rush.

“Wait! Y/n—“ he rushes out of the bathroom to follow you, he grabs your wrist and you turn around quickly. “Let go.” You spit out, he tenses his jaw. “Why are you even acting like this? You don’t need to get so pissed just because you’re jea—“ Slap. Your eyes widen, as well as his, “Did you just slap me?” “No.” you reply quickly. “You just slapped me.” he persists, “No I didn’t.” “Yea, you did.” “Yes I did.” you finally admit. “Why?” He asks, “You said I’m jealous, I’m not jealous. You just have a big head.” “I have other big things.” You slap him again. But this time on his forearm. And, oh Merlin. Why is his arm so muscular? Why are his eyes so deep and brown and beautiful? Why do his oh so pretty brown curls look so pull-able? Why do his lips look so perfect and kissable? Was he always this beautiful? Of course he was. He was always beautiful. You’ve known that since the first time you saw him.

What must it be like, to grow up that beautiful? With your hair falling into place like dominos.

You walk into the Slytherin common room with Dorothea, one of your closest friends, she’d convinced you to come to this party. And you’d stupidly agreed. You stupidly got drunk. You stupidly found Mattheo. You stupidly kissed him. You stupidly hooked up with him.

You look around the room, Mattheo has his arm under your neck. “Okay,” you whisper to yourself “yeah, okay. I can get out of here.” You roll over a bit, pulling the covers off of yourself carefully. You easily get out of his warm, soft bed. An odd coldness filling your body as you do so. You slip on your shoes and realize that you don’t have your shirt on, you look around his room, which is surprisingly clean— minus the clothes everywhere, on the doorknob, there’s your shirt. How did it even get there? You shake your head and walk over to it, putting it on over you. You hear Mattheo groan and you quickly look over, he’s still asleep, but reaching out in the bed, as if looking for you. It takes you a moment before you realize that you need to leave before him and his charm pull you back in.

I see me padding ‘cross, your wooden floors. With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door.

It’s been 3 weeks. 3 weeks since you went to that party. 3 weeks since you found Mattheo. 3 weeks since you kissed him. 3 weeks since you hooked up with him. 2 weeks and 6 days since you woke up in his room and mission impossible escaped. You haven’t spoke to him, or anyone in Slytherin at all. In fear that he told everyone he knows and you’d never live it down. He didn’t. But you don’t know that. You’re choosing out a dress for dinner, you’re in the slug club, but so is Theodore Nott and those two are friends, best friends even. So of course Mattheo was the boys plus one. No matter that. Dorothea suggests a simple dress that shows off your body, but you shake your head, “No, Dor, that— that doesn’t compliment me right.” So you choose a dress that goes down to your knees, it’s long-sleeved, completely covers your cleavage, which was the goal of course. You paired it with some old converse, not liking the feeling of heels on your feet all night. You have your hair done nicely in your favorite style.

“No Mattheo, I really don’t agree with that, you’re so— so contrarian.” You shake your head, “Oh give me a break!” He groans, but you just give him a look, calling him an asshole with your eyes. He’s just told you an opinion on the muggle-world, he’s a pure blood, seriously, who does he think he is? Giggles can be heard from others sitting around you, including Dorothea and Theodore who are sitting next to each other. Slughorn tries to get you two to stop, “O—okay, Mr. Riddle, Ms. Y/l/n, please refrain from arguments at the table.” “This isn’t an argument, it’s a debate.” You correct.

As you’re walking back to your common room, you overhear some girls talking “Oh, wouldn’t they be such a cute couple?” One of them giggles, the other nods in agreement “They argue so much, plus, doesn’t Y/n Riddle sound so nice?” “Oh I dunno, I’m kind of jealous of her.” A third one adds. Your eyes widen as you realize they’re taking about you and Mattheo. You quickly butt in their conversation, “We would not be a cute couple! He’s insufferable and his ego is larger than himself!” You huff.

At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit. And the coastal town, we wandered ‘round, had never seen a love as pure as it.

“You know that you can’t avoid him all day, right?” Cedric tells you as he notices you staring in Mattheo’s direction in the Great Hall. “I can and I will.” The boy rolls his eyes, “C’mon, when me and Cho get into—“ “Don’t compare you and your girlfriend to me and Mattheo— that’s just.. no!” you mock gag, shaking your head. Cedric just grins at you knowingly, “Why are you smiling at me like that?” you ask, Cedric licks his lips “No reason.” “Shouldn’t you be making out with Cho in a broom closet or something?” you tease, he laughs “Yeah, probably. Shouldn’t you be getting in Mattheo’s pants again?” “Leave it Ced, it will never be.” You murmur as you look down at your tea, mixing it around lazily with your spoon.

And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea. ‘Cause you know it could never be.

“Why are you avoiding me?” You stop dead in your tracks, goddamnit. Why is he everywhere? You slowly turn around on your heels, face reddening, “I’m not avoiding you.” you reply simply with a shrug. “Yes you are, I’m sick of it.” He rolls his eyes. “What’s it matter to you? We aren’t friends.” “What are you talking about? Yes we are.” “No, we’re really not Mattheo, you only talk to me when you know I’m going to leave.” You spit out, annoyed with everything, “No I don’t! I talk to you all the—“ you cut him off “Just leave it, I’m done here anyway.” You say before turning back around and walking away, “Well— don’t come crying back to me when you realize no one else cares!” He yells, letting his emotions and large ego get the best of him. “Fuck you!” “You’ve already checked that one off!”

‘Cause I don’t like a gold rush, gold rush. I don’t like anticipating my face in a red flush. I don’t like that anyone would die to feel your touch. Everybody wants you, everybody wonders what it would be like to love you.

He is such an asshole! Who the fuck does he think he is?! He has no right to speak to you— or anyone for that matter — like that. You huff as you walk into the Great Hall, feeling his gaze immediately land on you. But you won’t give him the satisfaction of meeting that gaze. Taking a seat at your own houses table, you can hear his friends laughing loudly, stupid boys. The only time you do look over at him is when you hear his fork slam against the table and he stands up from his seat, to be fair, the entire Great Hall looks over at him. He ignores his friends and clenches his jaw as he walks out of the huge room, brushing right past you and leaving a small gust of wind from where he walked. Your lips slightly part as you watch him, but you look away just as quickly. Refusing to let him get his way. You shake your head as you now look over at his friends — who you now realize are staring over at you. Furrowing your eyebrows you mouth an annoyed “What?” to them, hoping to get any explanation. Theodore just shakes his head at you, and Lorenzo Berkshire mouths back a “Nothing.” making you even more annoyed with these boys. You decide to take matters into your own hands and stand up, making your way to the Slytherin table where they’re sitting. “Hello, boys.” you raise your eyebrows expectantly. “Uh — hey..” Blaise Zabini murmurs, “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on with that dickhead who just walked out of the Great Hall making a scene?” Draco Malfoy laughs at that “Dickhead? Did you just call your little boyfriend a dickhead?” “He’s not my boyfriend Malfoy!” you exclaim which causes Draco to laugh and Theo to nudge his arm, Enzo speaks up “Um, Y/n he’s just upset you’re ignoring him.” now the rest of the boys groan, collectively murmuring little “C’mon man!”’s and “Enzo!”’s he throws his hands up in apology. Eyebrows going up you look at them, “Seriously?” you scoff “he’s mad at me because I’m not talking to him? After what he did?”

Walk past, quick brush. I don’t like slow motion double vision in a rose blush. I don’t like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush.

“Why don’t you just make it easy for him and tell him how you feel?” Theo speaks up with a shrug. “Excuse me? And how exactly do I feel Theodore?” you ask, twisting toward him. “You want him, obviously.” “Everybody wants him! I don’t — I don’t like that horrid feeling!” you exclaim loudly, catching the attention of others around you.

Everybody wants you, but I don’t like a gold rush.

Lowering your voice, you rest your hands on the table, pushing Blaise’s plate away to do so. He stops in the middle of his chewing to give you a glare, then continues slowly chewing. “You’ve liked him since fist year, admit it.” Blaise speaks with his mouth full, so it’s a bit muffled. “Shut it and eat your potatoes Zabini.” you spit out. He shrugs and does just that. With Zabini out of the conversation Draco speaks again, “But really, stop leading our boy on.” “I haven’t led him — or anyone for that matter — on!” now it’s Theo’s turn to speak “Well.. you did kinda sleep with him and then leave the next morning,” “That was a mistake.” “Still shitty.” Enzo says. You huff, “That’s — no! Even if it was shitty, it’s not like I’m in love with him. He shouldn’t’ve expected anything from me.” Draco raises an eyebrow “Wow, didn’t know Hufflepuffs were such—“ “Dude, don’t finish that sentence.” Enzo says with an eye roll before looking toward you, “If you don’t like him, then don’t lead him on, it’s not difficult.” Looking him up at down for a moment, you sigh and your eyes move around the group at a quick pace. “Tell him I don’t like him, and — that I’m sorry or whatever.” Damn. That hurt you to say. Who knew it’d be this hard to get over him.

What must it be like, to grow up that beautiful, with your hair falling into place like dominoes?

As you lay in your bed, miserable and alone, you think about Mattheo. Because of course you do. He’s plagued your mind since first year. Rolling your eyes, you silently curse yourself for not realizing how horrible it was to fall for him. He’s got the perfect life, minus the fact his father is literally the dark lord, still, he’s rich. He has hundreds of girls in love with him and multiple in his bed. You aren’t going to be any of those girls, not now at least.

My mind turns your life into folklore. I can’t dare to dream about you anymore.

You hear your name called out by a familiar voice, Pansy Parkinson, her loud — but not angry — footsteps reverberate along the stone walls of the castle. You stop walking just as she catches up to you, out of breath. She reaches for your shoulder to steady herself and you grab her arm to help her. “What’s wrong Pans?” You ask once she catches her breath. “Riddle told me about what you said.” You wince at the mention, “Oh.” She must notice the look on your face since she adds a quick, “Don’t worry, I’m not mad, that boy needs to learn that not every girl is in love with him.” As an afterthought. “Never mind that, you are,” you furrow your eyebrows “—in love with him. You’re in love with him.” She finishes, which causes you to stammer out a quick and defensive, “Am not!” In response. “You literally gave him a bouquet of flowers, which you handpicked, in first year.” “In first year! Yeah, but that’s not now!” She rolls her eyes, “Come on Y/n/n, you’re just going to end up hurting yourself if you keep saying that.” She then removes her hand from your shoulder and you do the same, “Okay, I’ve got detention now, see ya later.” Then she runs off. She literally runs off after telling you that you’re in love with Mattheo Riddle. As if you didn’t know that. As if you didn’t sleep with him.

I see me padding ‘cross your wooden floors. With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door.

The last slug club meeting of the year before you leave for Christmas. You aren’t supposed to bring plus-ones, but Slughorn likes Theo too much and let him bring Mattheo. You sit slumped in your chair, dressed nicely though. Dorothea is sick so she couldn’t come. And Mattheo has the audacity to sit right fucking next to you. Purposely making those contrarian remarks, to get you to speak, so he can hear your voice again. Annoyed or not, he wants to hear it. But you don’t. You just stand up and move to sit beside Theo. Mattheo swallows and stops talking, looking down at his food.

At dinner parties, won’t call you out on your contrarian shit.

You sit by a garden in Hogsmeade, looking at the flowers silently. Of course, thinking about those girls from a few weeks ago at the Slug club meeting, how they were talking about you and Mattheo. Did everyone think that way? That’s impossible, he’s him, you’re just you. You barely know jack shit about each other. Sighing, you lay back in the grass and fiddle with the strings on your cardigan. It will never be.

And the coastal town, we never found, will never see a love as pure as it. ‘Cause it fades into the gray of my day old tea. ‘Cause it will never be.

He stands at your doorframe, knocking on the door rapidly. Hearing you groan on the other side and sheets ruffling. He quickly tries to fix up his messy curls and look at least a hit presentable, you open the door as he’s smoothing out his shirt, he’s in a t-shirt and sweatpants, and you’re — well —in your pink unicorn pajama set, that causes him to grin widely. But then he hears your voice murmur a sleepy “Mattheo?” and becomes serious again. “Um—hey.” He smiles gently, out of character for him. “I know it’s late and all, I just had to um.. talk to you.” You rub your eyes and yawn, “Well?” You ask, eyebrows raised expectantly. “I know we aren’t close or anything, but I really fucking like you. I mean—really like you. It’s so weird for me to feel this strongly over.. well, y’know a girl who I barely know. But you’re just different, you make me feel things—things that no one else does.” He watches you watch him nervously, this is really different than the Mattheo you know. “Anyway.. what I’m trying to say is, I think we’d be really good together. I want us to try it out, if you’d have me?” “Mattheo I—“

Gleaming, twinkling, eyes like sinking ships on waters. So inviting, I almost jump in.

A/N: IM SOOO SORRY FOR THIS TKAING SO LONG TO WRITE(literally ignore my spelling mistakes wtf) ANYWAY YEAH, LMK IF I SHOUKD MAKE A OART TWO OR SMTHING?????

PART TWO

MASTERLIST

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lily-avenue · 9 months ago

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Musings on Gold Digger (2019)

** Warning contains major spoilers **

** Also warning: massively long-winded ramble **

Julia Ormond, Ben Barnes and an exploration of a may-december romance in the midst of complicated famillial dynamics and an underlying unease.

Both leads are very good. We see Julia Day (Julia Ormond) reclaim herself as she moves out of the roles to which she has been assigned, or perhaps more accurately, has assigned herself; while Benjamin Greene (Ben Barnes) treads the fine line of someone who is not entirely what he seems to be, and who in pursuing the path he has chosen, is moving both closer to, and further away, from what he needs. We all, or many of us at least, want to be known and loved for who we actually are.

The supporting cast are uniformly excellent, with each episode putting the spotlight on one of Julia's now-adult kids (Patrick, Della and Leo), her ex-husband (Ted), her ex-best-friend (Marsha), and her new lover.

The series poses a range of complex, thorny questions, such as what it means to take a much younger (or much older) lover; the immediate and long-term aftermath of domestic violence; the loss of confidence and trust following betrayal; the ripple effect of those pivotal moments that each of us have in our lives; and the small (and large) lies that we tell ourselves and each other.

Nearly everyone in Julia's life is openly and vocally "concerned" when she introduces the much younger Benjamin into her life, and the series also explores the cost of pursuing your own happiness in the face of others' disapproval.

For the most part, the two sons (Patrick and Leo) are Not Very Nice. While they are not necessarily unjustified in their concerns about Benjamin, and are each grappling with the fallout of their parents' shared history, how they act upon those concerns is rather unpleasant. (And slighly nonsensical. Patrick is a well-heeled lawyer, surely he would have hired a private investigater to do some digging?) Della, her daughter, is the most open of the three to their mother's new relationship. And while for the most part that isn't saying much, Della's growing acceptance and support of Julia's right to be her own person and the strength she demonstrates in doing so, make for a lovely subplot - particularly as it starts to positively impact her own life.

While the series asks a lot of questions, it doesn't necessarily answer them in a way that fully satisfies. We see Benjamin and Julia's attraction in numerous sex scenes, and it is fabulous to move from the early scenes, in which she turns off the light, to later scenes in which she has pushed aside some of her insecurities. But we don't see enough of their intellectual attraction, of the non-physical side of things, and of how they navigate the fact that in terms of cultural milieu, he has far more in common with her children than with her (sort of, that too is complicated). There are some lovely glimpses - the book of walks he gives her as a gift, for example, rather than ubiquitous and offensively-generic flowers. But their growing closeness is mostly given in montages of them walking around holding hands in various locales - we are rarely privvy to the intimate discussions that would show a deepening relationship.

Much goes unquestioned by Julia, which given her intelligence and life experience seems somewhat implausible, although perhaps newly discovered and unexpected love can make fools of us all? Her lack of curiosity about Benjamin's past, which clearly continues to affect him, or his financial situation (mid 30s, professional job, but about to be hounded by bailiffs?) is hand-waved away at one point. This is one of those instances where I cannot tell if it suboptimal writing (maintaining suspense at the cost of characterisation) or very clever writing (Julia tends to avoid conflict; her reluctance to ask questions to which she doesn't necessarily want to know the answer has precedence). Herein lies the dilemma of suspense-based drama: in keeping Benjamin an relatively unknown quality we lose the opportunity to get to know him and Julia as a couple, and that becomes problematic later on.

We experience Julia's growth as she takes responsibility for her own destiny, eventually starting to question what it is that Benjamin isn't telling her, and taking the necessary steps to find out more. And when she finds out more, and it is rather confronting, she still chooses to listen before coming to her own conclusions. But we don't see the same for Benjamin. His journey is more opaque, and because we only get very few snippits of his life before Julia, is largely for the viewer to infer, or only becomes evident after the fact. He wants to run away when things start to close in on him, but he doesn't. Ultimately his hand is forced and he breaks a long-held agreement with his brother to put his own needs first. (There is a small subplot about an engagement that didn't happen; a former girlfriend broke up with him the day he proposed, and one wonders if it was because he also told her the truth about his past.)

There are interesting contrasts between Benjamin and Ted. Both are outwardly well put together, but neither are what they seem. Ted is successful, wealthy and enmeshed in entitled middleclass-ness, while Benjamin is not, despite his facade of the urbane younger man.

But the outward trappings hide the fact that Ted is controlling and violent, while Benjamin - despite what the criminal justice system would say - is neither. And that contrast is backed up by the scene with Ted in the forest on the morning of the wedding, compared with that with Benjamin on the beach (in which Julia asks him to not touch her, and he listens and respects her wishes instantly). Even throughout the argument with his newly re-emerged brother Kieran, which escalates into low-level violence, Benjamin only ever reacts, never instigates.

And it would be entirely remiss of me not to mention Marsha, who has made her own bed, unfortunately with Ted in it. We meet Marsha just as she is beginning to realise the extent of the poor bargain she's made, and it really only gets worse.

I am still not sure whether the series simply had very high expectations of the viewer, or whether the script spread itself too thin and undercut itself. The distrust and deception that flows throughout the series was almost catching, and in the face of it I wanted stronger closure, a deeper resolution of the issues that came to light late in the piece. In the absence of that, Kieran's words after the fight with Benjamin resonate just a little too strongly for me. Are they actually in love with one another, or are they in love with what the other represents to them?

Is Benjamin a gold digger? Not, I think, in the traditional sense of the term. He sees in Julia an embodiment of the life he wants to have, but had always been excluded from. My take is that the attraction and burgeoning love is real, but that it is also inseparable from her aura of wealth, education and intellect, which are an integral part of who she is and how she moves through the world.

He was certainly not honest with her, and that also poses an interesting question about how much of our ourselves, and our actions, we can mask, ignore or conceal before sliding into deception or disaster. Alongside Benjamin editing his past to hide a terrible act (in which he played a supporting role but shouldered much of the consequences), we have a younger Julia peddling the fiction that all was well with her (first) marriage, Ted hiding his violent streak, Patrick having an affair, Leo knowing about Ted and Marsha but not telling his mother. The list goes on.

The lingering disquiet of how much of Benjamin is a performance, and how much is real, never quite leaves. We do see sharper edges to him at times, which are in keeping with what is revealed about his past (you couldn't come out of young offenders unscathed, and you certainly wouldn't get through it without developing some pretty decent survival mechanisms), although Julia herself is not privvy to them. It is in the rawness and desperation of a couple of his reactions that a measure of confirmation is provided that his feelings towards Julia are genuine. There is a two-fold element of unreliable narration with Benjamin, yet it feels not entirely unreasonable to conclude that Benjamin the construct is underpinned by a longstanding and deep-seated need, and has largely become Benjamin the actual. But how recent was this process, and was it a legitimate one? We don't ever really find out, and that matters when it comes to our central conundrum.

But as may have become evident throughout this long-winded ramble, one of my own personal failings is that I like my fictional endings to be happy, and unambiguously so. I want Julia to enjoy her 'after', just as much as I want Benjamin to revel in the safety and belonging she provides. So holding onto a suitable measure of optimism (or perhaps of wishful thinking - our characters may not be alone in their penchant for self-deception), let us now return to their wedding reception and one of my favourite scenes. Watching a truly beguiling Julia invite Benjamin to dance, and an utterly charming Benjamin follow her onto the dance floor, made me smile. A lot. And with that in mind I am going to find myself a glass of champagne, ensure my best smile is firmly in place, and head out onto the dance floor to wish the two of them my very best.

#gold digger #gold digger 2019 #julia ormond #ben barnes #will I still agree with most of this on a rewatch? Who knows.#gold digger series #julia day #benjamin greene #long-winded ramble because there can be no other type

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