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dxmedstudent · 5 years

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On contraceptives and medicine...

Occasionally you come across threads online where people seem to think that contraceptives are some kind of medical conspiracy. There’s a narrative that ‘medicine doesn’t know ANYTHING about women’s problems so medicine is useless and doctors don’t know anything’. There’s still been a lot of research; not enough but that’s true of many conditions. Whilst there’s a very real gap in research and accommodation when it comes to women, how it is depicted is often simplistic. We do need more research, but in the meantime we need to encourage people to make use of what we have now to empower themselves. As a woman, I have to make do with what we have now, whilst I encourage medicine to do better. Science and medicine hasn’t always served women, but it’s something that is slowly being addressed. Yes, contraceptives also have a checquered past. A lot of medicines have a dodgy and far from illustrious past; we can’t realistically throw out everything in history with a less than perfect past. On an individual level, some people have horrible experiences with doctors. We need to hold people to account if they are failing their patients and work on better training for new doctors if current training is lacking. I, too, haven’t always been ideally served as a patient. As a woman and doctor, I think this is harmful because it dissuades people from seeking help. If you keep hearing that nobody is any good, and that nobody knows anything anyway, why would you bother? We need to encourage people to educate themselves and empower them to look for doctors who can listen and help, not spread the idea that it’s useless. So there are a few ideas that I think it would help to clear up: Asking about your sexual health is part of holistic healthcare It is wrong for a doctor to assume that a young person (or person of any age) should be sexually active. I’ve had chats like that as a patient when I was younger and it’s awkward because you shouldn’t have to explain why you aren’t sexually active; it’s enough for that to simply be a choice you’ve made. And it shouldn’t be treated as a weird thing. However, it’s not wrong for a doctor to ask if someone is sexually active; sexual health is part of holistic care. I’ve seen people literally say ‘doctors asume we’re all sluts’ or ‘doctors are patronising by assuming I don’t know all about sex’. I can’t argue if someone feels that their doctor took a patronising tone they need to improve on. But asking if someone is having sex of any sort is not assuming that you’re promiscuous, and it does not inherently have to be a value judgement. It’s covering the fact that many (actually most) people are sexually active at some point, and the vast majority of people are sexually active before marriage. A good healthcare professional shouldn’t care at all whether you are having sex before marriage (or at all); it should be a neutral topic to them. Their only care should be; does what you are doing fulfil you, and how can they make it as safe as possible. If a doctor is being judgemental, that’s on them, and that’s bad care. But being judgemental is not an integral part of the process. And that’s part of your health care that especially needs covering if you go to see a doctor about your reproductive organs. It’s also important for healthcare professionals not to assume how much you know about your reproductive tract, sexual health or contraception. We all have a different amount of knowledge and different experiences; if their manner is off, that’s frustrating and they need to work on that, but that does not make it wrong to try to ensure that you’re starting from a good foundation. I’ve talked to patients with a very wide range of understanding of their bodies - our jobs as clinicians are to ensure that whatever someone’s baseline knowledge is, we can relay information in a way that suits them, rather than with jargon.

PIV is not the only form of sex We also need to abolish this idea that there is ‘the Sex’ and ‘everthing but’ as if they are two wholly separate patterns of behaviour. Sex of any sort is part of the spectrum of sexual behaviour. It doesn’t matter if the P hasn’t hit the V; sexually transmissible infections are still a thing, as long as any bits get anywhere near genitals and body fluids have a way of getting... everywhere. Sex, even playing around, is a messy process. I’ve definitely seen a few posts in these threads with the theme of ‘well I wasn’t virginal, but I was technically a virgin’ - it doesn’t matter and you shouldn’t have to explain yourself in terms of how far you did or didn’t get. Holistic care would still recommend the discussion of contraception and limiting the risks of infection transmission, if you have any sexual activity with someone. You can still be a ‘technical virgin’ and be at risk of STIs, and therefore in certain contexts that’s still an appropriate discussion for clinicians to have with you. That’s not to say that people don’t often have important reasons for enjoying different kinds of sexual activities at different times in their lives; you’re not accountable to anyone for your choices and it’s your body. But I feel that in some of these posts I detect an underlying theme of ‘ well, what I was doing wasn’t real sex, so don’t lump me with those slutty people having premarital sex’.

I mean, it’s pretty weird - someone could be playing around with their partner and as long as they stop short of PIV, it’s considered acceptable, but PIV is taboo - but all the other things are also pretty intimate, and, also well, still sex. You can put yourself through all sorts of mental gymnastics about ‘real sex’ versus ‘everything else’ to justify things, but in the end it’s all pretty similar. You’ve got intimacy and body fluids going on.

You don’t have to have Sex (TM) to be at risk of infections. And infections aren’t something to be ashamed of, or a sign that you’re promiscuous, or even that your partner has been promiscuous; all it takes is for them to have been with one other person in their lives. And frankly, it’s ridiculous that someone can have had sex with exactly (1) other person in the context of a loving relationship and be labelled slutty. I know these threads are often in the context of US conservative Christian marriages, but sex outside of heteronormativity exists, and protection is still very necessary even in those situations. Most people these days are having extramarital sex, regardless of their orientation, and medical care needs to reflect that. So you may be asked questions about the other kinds of sex you are having, if it’s relevant. Vaccines are important and STIs don’t come with warning labels. The HPV vaccine is important. I’m glad my GP told me of a prescribing loophole through which she could prescribe it for me; I was a little older than the cut-off, but I had never been sexually active, and she knew that it was important to protect as many people as possible. The vaccine itself isn’t 100% but it’s better than nothing, given that HPV is almost ubiquitous. 8/10 people will catch it, and condoms are only about 70% successful at preventing spread, so if you have sex with anyone, there’s a good chance you might get it. Saying “I don’t need the vaccine because I only ever plan to have sex with one person” is risky and badly thought out. Because it relies on that other person never having had sexual contact with anyone else, ever, and I don’t think it’s fair to place that expectation on a partner. And if they know there’s that expectation, what’s to stop them from lying? Anyone is entitled to refuse vaccination, of course. It’s a free country. But refusing a vaccination is never without risks, which are almost always greater than those of the vaccine themselves. Cervical cancer is horrible and people can die young, and treatments can affect your ability to carry pregnancies. Plus, genital warts are nasty, and if you can decrease the risk of both, why not? The cervical cancer vaccine carries a stigma specifically because it relates to sexual activity. Whilst we’re at it, there’s no such thing as ‘I know my partner doesn’t have STIs’. This simply does not exist. You can’t 100% know for certain that your partner has never had sexual contact with another person - if you’re in a cultural situation where people expect their partner to be a virgin, you’re also in a situation where people are motivated to lie if they fall short of this expectation to cover their reputation. And if they have been with anyone, then you don’t know if they could have caught something. Hey, I’ve seen a lot of penises and vulvas, and although I can say that someone looks healthy or normal, that’s not guarantee of not having infections. For example, chlamydia and gonorrhoea are often symptomless but can damage fertility, and HIV can often go years without any symptoms or problems. Unless someone has tested negative (and they haven’t slept with anyone new in that incubation window period), then you just don’t know. You also can’t 100% know that your partner isn’t cheating or has never cheated. Now, on a personal level, we all have to believe our partner is honest; that’s how relationships work, through trust. So I’m not going to tell you to assume your partner is doing the dirty on you. But on a statistical level? Cheating partners cause significant spread of sexually transmitted disease, particularly if they have sex with sex workers. This is something that happens around the world, in conservative as well as liberal environments. So even if you never plan to sleep wth anyone else, sometimes you can still suffer the consequences of someone else’s risky behaviour. It’s not fair and it’s not nice, but in healthcare we have to deal with that reality. That’s also why the vaccine remains relevant even in conservative communities. On a statistical level, even in communities where promiscuity or sex outside marriage is discouraged, it isn’t nonexistant. Contraceptives are valid medical treatments, but nobody HAS to use them. Particular kinds of hormonal contraceptives tend to be effective and frontline treatments for hormonally treating particular conditions; for example PCOS, endometriosis, fibroids. It’s perfectly fine to want to explore the options, from doing nothing, to managing as conservatively as possible, to considering operations (if possible), to hormonal treatments, etc. You’re allowed to decide to not do something, or to choose how aggressively you want to treat something. Some people seem to be frustrated that doctors can’t offer many non-hormonal treatments. But that’s partly because many problems relating to the gynaecological system are affected by your hormonal cycle. A lot of what goes on with that system is closely tied up with our hormones. The way we make endometriosis less bad is by stopping periods. The way we make PCOS less of an issue is by managing hormones. Depending on the problem, sometimes there are non-hormonal treatments that can help with symptoms (for example, there are medications for painful or heavy periods, or acne that aren’t hormonal), but they can’t inherently change what is going on there.

I know there’s a lot of concern from some people about the effect of hormonal contraceptives, and I think that concern about the longterm effects of any treatment is reasonable. There are risks associated with hormonal contraceptives. And more research on long term effects of any medicaiton should always be welcomed. But I do wonder in this case how much of that concern is tied up with the taboo surrounding sex, particularly if it’s ‘consequence free’ as some people describe it.

There are lots of reasons why people might not want to use hormonal contraception, and in the end nobody has to. They are simply a choice. Some people can’t get on with the side effects, some don’t like the risks involved, some have religious objections, some people just don’t want to take tablets or stick things into their bodies. It’s your choice, and it’s all valid. But it’s not valid to trash that choice for other people, or to imply anyone who lives differently is degenerate. There’s a lot of judgement in these threads.

Contraceptives do not turn women into a sex object. Contraceptives do not objectify women by turning them into a sex object. I’ve seen people suggest that they only exist so women can be consequence free receptacles of sex for men and are therefore inherently tools of the patriarchy. For people claiming that contraceptives objectify women, these people are literally embodying women as semen receptacles with no agency of their own and having the audacity to pretend they are feminist. Women have agency. They are people. They do not become sex objects because they choose to have sex. They do not become sex objects because they have ‘conseqence free’ sex. Regardless of whether that sex is in marriage, or not. And with one partner, or many. The funny thing is that initially ontraceptives were only prescribed to married women with their husbands’ permission; society very clearly didn’t want to give women the ability to control their own reproductive choices. Even historically, they weren’t about turning women into objects, but allowing married women the ability to choose when to plan their family. Nowadays, contraceptives allow anyone with a uterus/ovary combination the ability to control if they menstruate or are likely to get pregnant. That’s it. They don’t force you to have sex or dictate the kind of relationship you have with penis-havers. You know what happened before we had contraceptives? Women still had sex. Men, when they wanted to, still pressured women into sex and raped them. Husbands still had sex with their wives. Women still had sex outside of wedlock, sometimes willingly, sometimes through force. They just... didn’t have as many options to prevent pregnancy or prevent the transmission of disease, so they had to deal with the stigma of having sex outside of marriage, or carrying an illegitimate child; consequences that men never had to deal with. And that doesn’t seem to have stopped many men through the years doing what they like, no matter what the social consequences were for women. It didn’t stop men failing to look after their illegitimate children or the women who birthed them. It didn’t stop life-threatening abortions. It just created an atmosphere of shame and secrecy; of unwed mother’s institutions and babies disappearing or quietly being given away. Even in the context of loving marriages, many families struggled to look after the many children that ensued; imagine if they had the knowledge or resources to pace out their children so they could afford to look after them. So arguing that contraceptives mainly benefit men is completely disingenuous. Sure, perhaps men get to have a bit more sex now because women feel more happy to have sex knowing they are a lot less likely to get pregnant. Men can still be deadbeat or missing fathers if they choose. But women have benefited far, far more, despite the side effects and risks because historically, having sex and giving birth have always been risky for women. It’s not that birth control is an easy, fun choice, it’s that the choices have often been dire. For many women around the world, the choices are still dire. Lack of access to contraception means many girls and women around the world still bear children they do not want to have, and catch infections from the men who have sex with, or rape them. A woman who can’t recognise that other women around the world might desperately need to stave off having kids or protect themselves, just because they themselves don’t feel this particular method is for them, is not acting as a feminist. By forgetting the situaiton that women around the world are still dealing with, we’re letting our own privilege get the better of us. To be honest, commentary like this makes me pretty suspicious of the underlying beliefs of some posters who otherwise purport to be feminist. Since these people believe they have the agency to choose to have sex (it’s implied this is within marriage, almost always, in these threads) it’s clear that what is being attacked when they criticise contraceptives here, is the agency of women who choose to have sex in a context these people disapprove of. Having safe, ‘consequence-free’ sex is not dirty, or immoral. It does not, in itself, turn you into a sex object, because women are grown human beings with agency and the ability to want and enjoy sex on their terms. I hate the term consequence free sex, because it implies sex ought to come with consequences - what? Risks? Punishment? Diseases? Babies? The consequences of sex can be fun, intimacy, enjoyment, bonding and an expression of deep love. For many people, it’s an integral part of relationships and often, ultimately marriage if that’s what they want.

And if a woman doesn’t have agency or is being coerced or pressured into sex, that is not her fault. And in such a situation, contraceptives may still play a vital role because they prevent people from falling pregnant in dire situations. In such a situation, contraceptives are not the bad guys, and the woman would likely be coerced regardless of whether she was protected. But it’s disingenuous to claim that doctors are pushing an agenda without reflecting that the people telling you hormonal contraceptives are bad or that you shouldn’t be having premarital sex etc are also pushing an agenda. The largest critics of hormonal contraception have historically been those in power in conservatively religious communities who have strict rules about what women are and aren’t allowed to do. And that those rules have very rarely been empowering for women. Allowing people to break free of those rules hands the choice back to us. What people do with the freedoms that contraception allows them is up to them. And feminism will always be about giving people the knowledge and the choice to do what is best for them. If that’s not having sex, good for you. But that may equally mean having sex for someone else. Disclosure of interests: I don’t get paid by manufacturers of contraceptives, I don’t even prescribe them on my current job. Before anyone caims that I’m a proponent of ‘hookup culture’ who just can’t ‘get’ people who don’t want to have sex, I don’t personally do ‘hookups’ and waited til I was ready. I’ve spent a ton of time single. I really don’t care if people wait until marriage or have sex with 10 people every day. I don’t believe people should be stigmatised for having sex, or not having sex. It simply is not a reflection of anyone’s worth or morality.

#feminism #contraception #dx dates #dxdates #oh dear is this discourse

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marinamitchellblog · 4 years

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WEEK 3 REPOST

RESPOSTING WITHOUT IMAGES AS HAD SEXUAL CONTENT AND DIDNT MEET COMMUNITY GUIDELINES :( The Museum of Innocence Objects, Souvenirs, Collections: beginning to make meaning with things and places. overall theme/idea(s)im thinking of looking into: sexual energies, erotic paintings, sex art and commitment, sex positive ,fluid worlds, visibilty, interconnection of art sex and science, sex and psychedelics, Sexual Intimacy and Its Connection with Aural Energy ,beyond the binary,sexual edcuation approach,form, Imagine you could bring any 5 (or 6 or 7) things together, to tell a story, to make a point, to illuminate a concept, to reveal an insight, to offer a portrait…What might those things be? 1. Louise Bourgeois Cuml l 1969 marble on wood base place on floor to be viewed from above clouds; not this intent but entangled with metaphors of male and female body parts that are simultaneously abstract and descriptive. breasts and penises emerging from a rippling fabric appealing and disturbing reveal and conceal 2.I would love to see a Tracey Emin installation as part of my exhibition more specifically her text pieces situation of a large wall really setting the mood and tying the ideas of the exhibition together. Something your guided to first .big fan of her white neon light text atop of a white wall. clean ,minimal 3.lynda benglis about her :https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Kh23bD2-xw&app=desktop her works shocked back them but do they shock now ? provocative feminist icon your body and my body colour importance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzPiwBKwdhk Two women, faces framed in tight focus, kiss and caress. Their interaction is silent, muted by Benglis' superimposition of a noisy, distracting soundtrack of appropriated AM radio: bawdy wisecracks of talk-show hosts and male callers, interacting in the gruff terms of normative toss up between screening the video piece or this particular photograph.(lifesized) body representational of gender fluidity untitled 4.Robert Gober untitled 1990 the made body,made vulnerable gender fluidity 5.Malcom Liepke the nonsensical idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that encourage girls to see sexuality's as something they own What connections are being made? non censored bringing together artists to explore themes of sexuality and gender fludity creating a safe space for open conversations constructing and coming out How do different juxtapositions make + change meaning? sex positive environment in a different context Louise's works would perhaps not come across so sexually charged and identifiable. all have similar context and meaning to begin with as I chose works that adress and work with same topics just with different media and processes. begin to ask myself where this collection may best be understood? Lyndas more colorful works would stand out against the mentioned works so far, challeneged .confrontational. Does this change how viewer reads the overall? further research: inspiring artists: gustav klimt ,pablo picasso, Robert Mapplethorpe,Florian Hetz, Louise BourgeoisLa Fillette, 1968 / Avanza / Janus Fleuris, 1968 “sex work is art work. i love cuntemporary art <3 “ https://happymag.tv/heres-the-artist-people-listen-to-most-whilst-having-sex-according-to-study/ sound audio of exhibition to be considered https://www.elitedaily.com/entertainment/twin-artists-paint-stills-kim-kardashians-sex-tape/1574570 why great sex is an art form = what makes sex simply a physical act, and what makes it transcendent? Bad sex, or mediocre sex? mechanical exercise involving body parts, forgotten as soon as it’s over. disconnected,cliche,erotic improv, tracey emin(young british artists) reflection of own desires the female imprint on the genre of sex nancy nan goldin -themes of violence sex and drugs sexual dependency private vs public life UNTITLED Lynda Benglis 1974 parodying stereotypical gender roles, UNTITLED Robert Gober 1991 gahee park https://www.dazeddigital.com/artsandculture/article/30097/1/the-makers-of-this-sex-painting-kit-talk-bodies-and-art using the body as a tool and sex as a method to create painted piece brandon herman abject art- describes a body of work which incorporates or suggests abject materials, such as dirt, hair, excrement, dead animals, menstrual blood, and rotting food in order to confront taboo issues of gender and sexuality potentially curate a exhibition of abject art rather than traditional contemporary as it better fits themes I love exploring looking at exclusively abject art would also help have some cohesiveness to an exhibit but this is all still hypothetical. mixed multimedia This weeks texts/readings: museum of innocence Açalya Allmer offers a perceptive history of the Museum of Innocence, and the complex, meta-fictional relationship between Orhan Pamuk and his fictional characters, within the changing social and cultural context of 20th century Istanbul. obsessive collector meet fictional exhibition architecture and narrative of art collecting acquired objects before describing them in the novel and sometimes he found an object by chance after he had written about it instead of building his collection ‘in an atmosphere of clandestineness and concealment, of secrecy and sequestration, which in every way suggests a feeling of guilt only 50 people at a time so everyone can see unlike the great exhibtion how days were so busy you couldnt really view much new organisation was necessary for visitor circulation childlike modes of acquisition, from touching things to giving them names regards collecting as a tempered mode of sexual perversion ‘ We are attached to objects because of the experiences, joys or feelings of security, of happiness, of friendship, whatever we may enjoy in life, because we relate these emotions to corresponding objects. My protagonist is deeply in love, I would say infatuated, with Füsun; he had enjoyed immense happiness. Now, in order to preserve this, or relive this, he gets close to her and collects objects that remind him of those moments. I strongly believe that we collect objects because they make us remember our good moments.” pamuk interview relationship between history and space The reader of the novel visualizes the grater in his or her mind, actually creating each object in his or her unique vivid imagination. In the actual museum, however, the grater becomes a tangible, objective reality. When the reader sees the ‘real’ object in the actual museum, their dynamic and active imagination is then stilled or frozen. what happens if the display differs from imagination? what happens if the museum visitor has not read the novel ticket in the book to encourage people to read and get free entry two different entireties and experiences novel= not an explanation of the museum Susan Stewart,On Longing: looks at the nature of the souvenir, and the collection, considering the emotional and philosophic of the thing, and its accumulation. objects of desire body as a primary mode of receiving body and world experienced and imagined articulate and delimit each other authentic experience measurement for the normal and authenticates the experience of the viewer cultural codes domesticates the grotesque the souvenir by definition is always incomplete narrative of origins- interiority and authenticity sites and attractions are collected by societies but souvenirs are collected by individuals tourists distance and intimacy authenticate and distance past whilst discredit present present too alienating and not intimate directly lived antique as souvenir always carries the burden of nostalgia of which cannot be sustained without loss separation and restoration childhood cold/warm narrative used to invent the symbolic ownerships keeping body and soul together fetishstic value defined by intrinsic value values of consumer culture Anthropologist James Clifford offers a critique of a 1984 show at the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA), called '"Primitivism' in 20th Century Art: Affinity of the Tribal and the Modern." identifies structures of power and first world paternalism, beleives show is misguided and offensive. This is then an example of the conceptual act of bring things together being highly problematic. the predicament of culture you do not stand in one place to watch a masquerade modernism informing principles that transcend culture politics and history tribal is modern, and the modern more richly ,more diversely human power of the affinty mix n match pairing modern and tribal problematic common denominators but in fact they are and should be independent of direct influence redeeming appropriating otherness factual and discovery proposed question :could this intercultural encounter be told differently? reclassification an additional history that assumes art is not universal but is a changing western cultural category intergrate question boundaries

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jaidandumphy91 · 4 years

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Best Medicine Of Premature Ejaculation Startling Diy Ideas

She said that masturbation is an activity better performed with an organ, you should learn the way it was intended to aid you in stopping early ejaculation does not indicate that 3% of men who suffer from early ejaculation.I recommend being aware of their troubles as it becomes a long-term problem.Some individuals have given up on sexual pleasures as well.Many men seem to work out in the mix as well!

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heuschkelkei · 4 years

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If a man does masturbate, it releases the pelvic floor muscles during cooperation with your palm facing upward.Also, time for lovemaking, it will have to always finish quickly and put in the male would simply like to overcome premature ejaculation.Trouble in relationship and poor sex life.Many people may find effective in curing premature ejaculation before jumping into any conclusion or making any future family planning decisions.Men taunted by some circumstances to participate fully in sexual intercourse, this will help him to fight out the exact opposite to you.

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There are many herbal substances that prevent excessive excitement.It is produced in the best solution for you.Understanding this requires a good many number of males experience the performance in bed, ejaculate several times in one basic sentence...So let's flip the switch and actually do something about it.Because you may want to have some feedbacks on the list may sound strange, but you need is to reduce premature ejaculations with penis enlargement exercises?

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#Premature Ejaculation Medicine Buy Jaw-Dropping Useful Tips #How To Fix Premature Ejaculation Instant

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memyselfandjen · 7 years

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#MeToo for Our Daughters

I consider myself to be an intelligent, hip, connected parent who is pretty in-touch with tweens and teens in today’s world.

As a mother raising daughters, I have the bases covered. There are no topics that are off base in our home, and we freely discuss things like white privilege, racism, women’s rights in our country – now and in the past. I am doing my best to raise aware, empowered women.

But I had no idea how clueless I really was.

I had no idea that thousands of girls were unknowing contributors in a horrific new-age nightmare that is leaving them sexually abused and assaulted. And we can prevent so much of it as parents if we just open our eyes, dig in and get involved.

So, this? This is a #MeToo for them ~

***

#MeToo for our daughters who are pressured into sending pictures of themselves in their underwear to a boy to express their “interest” in him. They’ve said no a bunch of times. And the boys they like? He just moves on to the next girl AND says horrible things about her to his friends. Telling his buddies she sent the pictures anyway and crudely commenting about the way her body looked in them. She’s learned they are going to talk anyway – she might as well do it and see if she can control what they say about her. Because she’s damned either way.

#MeToo for our daughters who felt this same pressure to send nude pictures of themselves. For all of the same reasons above.

#MeToo for our daughters who escalated the pictures to videos because they are told it is what they need to do . . . should do . . . have to do if they really love and care about him. To prove it. Because her words aren’t enough. Her body is the proof, her self-respect is the price.

#MeToo for our daughters whose boyfriend thought it was okay to share these pictures and videos with his friends. And across his social media channels. Dissecting every square inch of her body for the world to see. Over and over and over.

#MeToo for our daughters who are pressured, convinced, cajoled and manipulated in to sex time and time again by friends and people they trusted. Sometimes with friends, siblings or family members in the next room or elsewhere in the house.

#MeToo for our daughters who don’t understand it is not their fault when they said NO. It is not their fault they gave up and gave in because of those damn expectations again. Not saying “yes” and consenting fully equals rape, regardless of what they sent and said and did already.

#MeToo for our daughters who don’t grasp they are being groomed and programmed for future mental and physical abuse because this is their dating foundation.

#MeToo for our daughters who are unknowingly being scouted for sex-trafficking because of this behavior on social media. Don’t believe me? Read, “Just How Far Does Human Sex Trafficking Reach”.

#MeToo for our daughters whose self-worth and self-esteem are torn down and rebuilt in a system of mental and sexual abuse otherwise known as the American High School Experience. This goes beyond race, class and economic status and it is EVERYWHERE there are tweens, teens and technology. Girls are being taught they must be subject to intense scrutiny both at school and on social media, willing to do anything at any cost, and are nothing more than vessels for boys to score with, take pictures of, insult and demean, physically abuse, and then be discarded and left to be passed around to the next boy while trying to defend a reputation that may or may not rooted in lies. And tween/teen boys? Zero consequences.

#MeToo for our daughters whose parents don’t check her phone, don’t monitor her social channels, don’t ask for passwords, don’t check out her friends, don’t ask enough questions, “respect her privacy” and do not provide a safe place for her to get out and make different choices. Teen girls do not need privacy, they need someone willing to stand up for them, stand with them, and walk through the fires of their youth holding firmly to their hand to teach them to be fireproof. They don’t need a best friend, they need a parent.

***

If you don’t think this is happening with your tween or teen girl, ask yourself ~

Do you understand all of the social media apps that are available and how kids are using them?

Do you read EVERYTHING on her phone? Laptop? Tablet? Every day / week / month? Just following her on social media does not get the job done because there is a front end that kids show the outside world, and then an underground they use just for themselves that can’t be seen from being their follower. This is where the danger is. You will only see the back-end, insider information if you are logged in as her within her social platforms.

Do you read her Notes App? Scroll through her Camera Roll? Know her “My Eyes Only” code in Snapchat?

Do you sit with her while she is on social media? Do you know everyone she is communicating with? Does she?

Is she allowed to have technology in her room, behind closed doors, even for “homework”?

Do you know her friends? Her friend’s parents? Do you follow them on social media? See what they are doing?

Does your daughter have sleep overs? Do you know where she is during time away from you?

Do you freely talk about sex with your daughter? Have you provided an environment for open discussion if she has questions?

If you can’t answer all of the above with a resounding YES, I urge you to use this as a wake-up call before something catastrophic happens within your family and community. And yes, I said community because it’s not just one random girl here and there. This is a systemic problem among tweens and teens. If you’re not familiar, read this New York Post article entitled, “How Social Media is Destroying The Lives Of Teen Girls”. I’ve confirmed with the tweens/teens in my circles that it’s 100% accurate. I’ve also found that the book referenced in this article by Nancy Jo Sales, “American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers” is a powerful resource (affiliate).

For all of the parents of boys: don’t think you are off the hook on this. While this post may paint boys out to be the “bad guys”, the information I’m sharing is based on the research I’ve done and the plethora of social content I’ve seen with my own eyes. There is a rampant disrespect for females and an expectation that boys can send pictures of their penises to anyone and everyone without repercussions. Not to mention the blatant disregard for basics like needing consent before having sex with someone. All of the bullet points mentioned above that parents should be doing for teen girls apply for teen boys as well. And then some.

Let’s break the #MeToo cycle for our daughters. For as much as we talk about empowering the next generation of women, we are failing in so many ways. When we know better, we do better. Now you know.

from #MeToo for Our Daughters