#being unable to because said robot is fictional

[darth-jess]

GalaxyCon 2024: Meeting Hayden Christensen

I have never been someone who cares about famous people. To clarify: I care about them as human beings, like in a very general sense, the way I'd care about any other person I've never met before. I also don't really care to know much about the personal lives of my favorite famous people. For me, at least, knowing things about them can change the way I look at the characters they play, the music they write, or the art they make. And personally, I like to view these things in my own context, not within someone else's.

Because of this, I have never really become obsessed with any particular famous person. I've become obsessed with their art– their portrayal of a character, their music, their writing, etc… but never with the actual person. Why would I? I've never met them before, I don't know them, I don't know what they're like as real people.

So I never really understood those fangirls who scream or faint or start sobbing when they get to meet the Jonas Brothers or Taylor Swift. I totally did not get it.

Then, I got to meet Hayden Christensen this past weekend at GalaxyCon.

And let me tell you, emotional fangirls, I get it now.

I have never been to a con before, this was my first one ever and honestly I don't think any future con I go to will top this one.

I knew going into it I was going to be a little nervous. After all, even though (as I stated before) I don't really care about the actors who play my favorite characters, I can absolutely appreciate how much their acting affected me, how much the role they played on screen changed my own life, as well as their skill as an artist.

And because Anakin Skywalker has been my favorite character in all fiction since I was 6 years old– and has not changed since then– I was very excited. The only favorite characters I had before Anakin were Darth Vader (when I found out they were the same my 4-year-old brain nearly exploded) and Ariel from The Little Mermaid. I was 3 when The Phantom Menace came out, give me a break.

Anyway.

Waiting in line for the photo op on Saturday gave me so much excited anxiety, I felt light headed and a little sick to my stomach– and the entire time my husband was kind of making fun of me (not in a mean way, mind you, he was making me laugh). I kept telling him, "I'm too nervous, I want to go home!" – which wasn't true, but for some reason I kept saying it.

The photo op was super quick, I remember Hayden saying something nice, like "Nice to meet you" or something like that (or maybe I said that?). I only had time to hand Hayden the Anakin Skywalker replica lightsaber I'd gotten the day before and ask him to hold it! I think he said something else, but I literally don't remember because I sort of blacked out.

I barely remember taking the picture.

Then, later in the day, we waited in line for two hours (it was worth it) to get his autograph and the entire time I was trying to stay calm because I was worried that when we got to him I would just stare at him blankly, unable to say anything.

The line was soooo long, and he was sort of blocked off behind these curtains– I think the curtains are there as much for him as they are for the fans. I imagine if he could've seen how long the line was, he would've wished for Anakin's robotic arm to do all those autographs. I would have, for sure.

When we were ushered through the curtains I could literally feel every single beat of my heart, I could hear it in my brain. I felt lightheaded again, and I turned to my husband and said, "I think my heart is going to explode."

Something I noticed as we got closer was that even though he looked kind of tired, he was still nice to every single person in line and made every interaction special. I have no idea how many autographs he'd already done that day– hundreds at least– and he was still trying to talk to everyone who'd come to see him.

Finally, we got to Hayden and he looked me right in the eyes (and like holy aslkdfj that gaze is intense– NICE, but intense) and he said something like, "How are you today?"

And I said, "I'm good, how are you? It's so nice to meet you!"

I have no idea what he said after that because my heart was beating SO LOUD, but he said something nice in response.

And then I finally remembered what I wanted to tell him, so I said, "Anakin was always my favorite character."

He smiled real big while he was signing our poster, and he said, "Thank you, that means a lot to me!"

I wanted to say more, like:

"How much of yourself do you feel like you put into Anakin's character?" – This is something I'm always curious about, because as a writer I feel like I put so much of myself into my writing.

Or:

"I hope we get to see you in more Star Wars projects!"

Or even just:

"I'm so happy you're getting the recognition you deserve."

But I was honestly lucky I'd been able to speak at all, and at this point, nothing else was coming out. And I was slightly worried that if I spoke again I'd say something weird or not make any sense at all.

So my husband took over, and he held up the photo we'd taken earlier from the photo op and said, "Thanks for making me look like the third wheel!"

And Hayden laughed– he actually laughed– and made some kind of joking reply but I sort of blacked out there too because I was so embarrassed!

Finally, my husband said what I'd really wanted to say, "We're just really happy to see you finally getting the recognition you deserve."

And Hayden smiled and nodded, and said, "Really, thank you guys so much, that means a lot."

And then he shook our hands and said it was nice to meet us, and it was time to go. We walked out, and I had tears in my eyes, my heart was still racing, and my whole body was shaking. I turned to my husband as I held onto his arm and I said, "I literally can't feel my legs."

Moral of the story: Hayden Christensen is literally so nice to his fans, so if you ever get the opportunity to meet him, I highly recommend it. He's not going to remember the interaction, but I guarantee you will for the rest of your life.

Also, don't judge fangirls for getting emotional.

[paragonrobits]

at least i can name gay reps in sp without wincing in disappointment, but hazbin hotel? oh the gays in HH are just a mess😭

Prefacing my response to this with an important note that I'm not being facetious, putting on a bit, dismissing a series out of hand because I personally dislike it (as a lot of my shock at SP BEING on the poll at all is that everything about it does NOT lend itself to being at all sincere about showing gay relationships) and in general I'm establishing that I'm being sincere about this:

South Park has gay representation?? Seriously??? South Park?

The reason I am so genuinely bewildered at this is that South Park is representative of a particular brand of comedy that remains popular (though often in circles that have come to be right-wing adjacent, even if they were originally somewhat left-leaning by the standards of their times) but was WAY more indicative of the general attitude of the time, and that's comedy that's funny specifically because its shocking, inappropriate, insulting and mean. It's the sort of comedy that now you may find most often in Netflix comedians who mainly have two jokes: making jokes insulting trans and disabled people, and complaining that they think they can't make jokes about trans and disabled people.

This isn't a coincidence by any means; South Park's humor to this day pretty much runs on the writers having a very smug, biting attitude that is fairly resentful and just plain mean even at the best of times, and its something its always been without changing, and desperately trying to be relevant without actually adapting to the times.

The reason I bring this up is that South Park has always been the kind of show to, if it brings up gay relationships, is almost invariably NOT going to treat it with any kind of sensitivity, grace, decency or otherwise being representation you'd WANT; they're going to be horrifically mean-spirited about it.

I do remember South Park having gay characters back in the day, and that character was Mister Garrison, who is an example of 'oh god why would you want him as representation". Lifting from the Wikipedia page indicates WHY:

"n the episode, Mr. Garrison tries to get fired from his new job as the fourth grade teacher at South Park Elementary by being overtly and explicitly homosexual in front of the students, so he can sue the school and get twenty-five million dollars in damages. However, he is unable to as the rest of the faculty and the children's parents are desperate to appear tolerant of his homosexuality. The boys do not share their sentiments, and as punishment for not tolerating Garrison's outrageous behavior, they are sent to a Nazi-esque "tolerance camp." All of the scenes inside the camp are shown in black-and-white, a homage to Schindler's List."

...I really hope I don't have to explain HOW MANY ways that's horrifyingly inappropriate. So if the series HAS changed since then, you're welcome to explain it, but I'd be deeply surprised if it was appropriate in the slightest.

That said, I probably ought to make some kind of point that I do not think that representation, in the sense of having rep that is strictly admirable or wholesome, is not necessarily a good thing, since that almost always leads into either a strict binary of annoyingly bland and wholesome characters too boring to care about or being exclusively villainous or horrible and leading to the implication that those kind of people are inherently Bad. What makes a character admirable or fun is different from each person to the other; as a general rule representation is a difficult thing for me to desire, but my takes on good autistic representation (in the sense of characters taking on an extra sense of dimension for me due to me being able to find compelling similarities to myself, rather than living vicariously through them) might be Laios from Dungeon Meshi, quite a few robots in fiction but especially Data from Star Trek Enterprise, L from Death Note (even if I refuse to watch it or read it, I had a lot of interest in L specifically back in the day for that reason), and a large number of the Gems in Steven Universe.

One may not that a lot of the characters, even most of those, are NOT on the autistic spectrum, which is what I would generally lean towards. This is true, but they can READ as such, and that kind of ability to find a reflection, even if its not textual, is often better than you might expect. (Also, most autistic characters are either super-powered living computers or heartless jerks who immediately become evil based on logical argument; taking any kind of heroic or benign personality that isn't a helpless child-like figure means I have to take what I can get.)

Anywhere there's something to say in the distinction between EXPLICIT representation and applicability with the latter often feeling, IDK, more genuine, but that's probably an individual response!

[60b3r]

Albert's Cultured Crunches

Top 3 Must Reads

On Bullshit is an article by Harry Frankfurt (1968) that talks about different types of bullshit, its uses, and why it needs to be analyzed and distinguished from lies. Now, we can think that 'fake news' can also be analyzed based on its purpose. Being familiar with misinformation allows us to analyze the hidden meanings that the spreader of the information wants to convey.

Dao De Jing is a collection of poems by Laozi (4th century BC) that should be read not only as Daojiao (Taoist teachings) but also as Daojia (a collection of thoughts). After reading this book directly from the original language (like I did), you will understand that Laozi was a literary figure who conveyed social criticism and philosophical views about the world in the context of his time.

Digital Fortress is a techno-thriller novel written by Dan Brown (1998) while he was possessed by the creative spirit of Tom Clancy. The way Brown writes a story full of tech jargon—considering the time he wrote it—yet still keeps readers flipping through the pages, is an unparalleled experience. It was so enjoyable, it's the only book I still remember even though I usually don't like fiction.

Favourite Movie and Series

Cloud Atlas (2012 movie). It is said that there are only three kinds of people in this world: those who have never seen this film, those who have seen it and HATE it, and those who have seen it and LOVE it. The film combines elements of reincarnation, political satire, eco-dystopia, multiverse, and sci-fi. Guess which type of person I am.

Mr. Robot (2015-2019 series). Despite the goofy name, the series has nothing to do with actual robots. It is a hacker thriller and a social critique of current financial technology and our current psychological construct in the digital age. It deals with existentialist questions a lot while at the same time serving a myriad of pop culture references.

Love, Death, Robots (2019 running series). An adult animated anthology of sci-fi universes, the series' genre spans from post-apocalyptic atom punk to an alternate history gothic vampire hunt. They are original, standalone short stories that deals with how humans see themselves in the grand scheme of the universe.

Favourite Video Essayist

In its essays, Accented Cinema analyzes the cultural background and context that lead directors to make certain decisions. Why are there certain dialogue elements, why is the film set in a particular year, character attributes, camera angles, and so on. I guarantee you'll appreciate the creative process in the film industry even more.

The game designer Adam Millard, the host of Architect of Games, discusses many things about player-friendly level design, addictive scoring mechanisms, programming processes and limitations, and how a game can convey messages not just through text or music, but through unique mechanisms like time loops or strange respawns.

Top 2 Most Iconic Fictional Characters

A ghoul who has seen the worst of mankind multiple times over, Raul Tejada is unable to accept that his prime time has passed away (like an old man he is), he seeks closure from the disturbing things he witnessed or might have done during his lifetime (again, regretting the past, like an old man), but he is not just a regular 'grumpy old man', he gets the job done with the finesse of a prime cowboy.

Garrus Vakarian was a former C-Sec officer turned a vigilante because he can't stand the inefficiency of the existing justice system. He is a pinpoint marksman, a good commander, but… he also dances and throws witty jokes. Garrus drinks with you, and then sometime later backs you up in weird assignments on hostile worlds. He's the ultimate bro experience: he can be forgiving, and he can be ruthless.

Top 2 Most Pitiful Fictional Characters

Luke Skywalker is supposed to continue the Jedi Order, but his skills are there mainly not because he trained virtuously with Master Yoda, but because he is the son of the Chosen One (ugh, I hate genetics when it's being used incorrectly as a plot device). Lucas could have added more challenges and install a variety of pitfalls to his efforts while trying to restore the Galactic Republic. Maybe it was just enough at a time where the cinema trope of a struggling hero against a powerful evil was very prevalent in film culture.

While Boromir is considered a necessary supporting character, he is a mere minor antagonist with no strong character. It seems to me that he is only there for Tolkien (still, with all due respect, since he is a professor in literature) to progress the story. Tolkien kills him right after he had outlived his usefulness, that is to serve as an addition to Gollum, someone who succumbs to the temptations of the One Ring. Boromir deserved more chance to either fall deeper into the corruption or be redeemed wholly before he completed his story arc.

Top 2 Most Adored (Indonesian) Historical Figure

A Chinese-Indonesian famous for his role in defending the marginalized people in his work as a statesman and a just law enforcer, Yap Thian-hien also played a part in the early formation of legal aid institutions and became a figure in the struggle for Chinese integration in Indonesia. Yap is a role model in activism, even though he faced cynicism from fellow Chinese and racist insults at home.

Tjokroaminoto was the spiritual and philosophical mentor to notorious Indonesian political figures like Soekarno, Musso, and Kartosoewirjo. He played a role in their informal education, who would then later shaped Indonesia as it is today. His heroism theme is like a boarding house landlord with a spirit of communitarianism. Where can you find such a cool landlord these days?

Top 2 Most Questionable (Religious) Historical Figure

I won't talk about the 'miracles' Jesus Christ supposedly performed, but about the wide social impact Jesus caused. His teachings were quite revolutionary, he could have been a very eccentric and respected leader in his time (like an influencer today). But why did he surrender to the Romans to be crucified in his early 30s? Even if he wasn't crucified (according to certain religious teachings), why did he go up to 'heaven' and only come back at the 'end of times'? He caused a stir in Judea 2000 years ago and then just ghosted us?

Muhammad was a charismatic religious figure, a clever and skilled trader, and a successful political leader. Indeed, his teachings were quite systematic and the laws he made were very orderly, suitable for leading a young and unstable society. Sweet worldly pleasures in the afterlife promises are a good strategy to recruit people in wartime emergencies to be ready to die, but now those promises are used recklessly by his followers hundreds of years later, endangering others, which disrupts the hegemony Muhammad himself wanted.

*partially adapted from a collection of proses I wrote for an ed-tech talent pool pre-interview form, 2024

[bullforgery]

Hi,

I have sort of an uncomfortable ask. Asking anon as I know it's a touchy subject.

But I'll start by saying I love your writing. And if you don't want to answer I understand.

But your A/N on your most recent fic addresses readers that may have issues with Dundee on how to enjoy the story regardless. Is there a reason the same isn't done for Barry?

I know Canon caused a split in the community but there are just as many people that take issue with Barry as there are for Dundee (though perhaps not as vocal as the former)

But as someone who loves both hubbies it makes me sad to see in fanfic implying that a character is "understandably" unlikable as if any other character couldn't be.

Just asking because I love your work but that note did make me a bit sad. Otherwise glad to see you're writing for the hubbies again & providing content for the community

Hello!

it stems from long conversations I’ve had with only a trusted handful of people on the subject, but I won’t get into the nitty gritty here and only say that I’m still apart of one community online and not the other for… a few reasons linked with said person. It’s easier when writing to peel these reasons off that character because writing is the ability to choose what to bring from source material into one’s own fiction. (Or in the case of an rp fandom: what to take as IC vs OOC)

It’s also why I’ve made warnings in the first chapter of certain other characters who would be in the story, as their involvement in the story wasn’t problematic at the time of writing—but you know, time, as it happens, happened and at that point there was no unweaving them from the narrative, only acknowledging that degree of separation between characters and their creators. (Which reminds me… I should probably add others to that warning list if I remember…)

simply put, it wasn’t only a canon event that made me put that warning there. Or maybe not simply put, as it’s nearly 1am and I’m quite overtired yet unable to sleep and the more I try to untangle a nebulous idea into words the more soup it becomes.

I would do a whole deep dive into the reason why, but you draw enjoyment from something and I’m not about to throw someone else’s ice cream on the ground over it. I’m glad you like my writing and I do plan to do more once winter rolls in and I have more free time, but they would likely be AUs because it’s easier to shuffle characteristics that way without being hindered by canon events and… certain personality traits.

I’m thinking for the next one… big robots and murder siblings fighting aliens.

-Bull

[thebibliosphere]

ADHD reward system? Please tell me your secret!

My therapist has been helping me find a reward system that works for me, and as it turns out, gold star stickers are really helpful for making me feel like a tangible goal was met, and helps give me that sweet, sweet dopamine release that comes with completing a task, something which us ADHD’ers really struggle to achieve and are already coming at from a disadvantage with our brains regularly not producing enough “happy” hormones as it is.

It was supposed to be “a sticker for every time you finish a chapter”, but after some revision, my therapist said that was too tall of a goal, and that I should pick something smaller. So instead I now get a star every time I finish a 500-word milestone, placing the sticker in my writing calendar/journal thing that I use to keep track of my writing, and ironically, I have started to produce more work than when I was stiving for one chapter a day.

To give you an idea of how staggeringly effective this has been for me, I’ve written over 30k of original fiction in the last week. (75k total if you include my social media and blog stuff, which I currently do not but likely should.)

So this is what it looked like when I was attempting to do a chapter of edits and revisions a day during the month of December 2019 (note: I was supposed to start this in Nov, so you can see how well that worked out for me lol):

ID: A calendar showing days of the month with a shiny star sticker showing a completed task.

And this is what my writing journal looks like now that I’m doing a star for every 500 words:

ID: an image of a handwritten journal with the dates mapped out, followed by a shiny star sticker for every completed 500-word milestone. There are 65 stars in total for the month of January 2020. It’s also tinged by a green light cause I’m doing a chronic pain experiment, so far with positive results!

So as of today, January 8th, with ever star = 500 words, then 65*500 = 32500 words totalled in 7 days. This does not include, like I said, my social media output where I am far more productive, this is just my fiction and some editing work for friends.

(Which side note: this is not to flex, or to say that others should be able to achieve this level of output. I am a professional writer, this is my main job and only source of income. And also, I was forged in the fires of understaffed editing hell where we would be expected to churn out 100k+ a week in edits and revisions to keep on track. I have the time and a learned skillset I have spent years amassing to be able to do this and am working towards a rigid deadline. I simply have not been healthy enough in a long time to manage it, and am finally working my way back up to speed after years of illness. Don’t look at this and think, “I’m not achieving enough”, every victory no matter how small is worth celebrating. And I say that with the utmost sincerity, as someone who spent most of the last 2-3 years unable to get out of bed.)

I’ve also started using it to help keep track of bills and chores around the home. So every time something gets done/done on time, whoever completed the task gets a star on the calendar. This includes Oppy the Not-A-Roomba, who does a very good job of taking care of the house on a daily basis:

ID: an image of a chore calendar denoting various tasks that have been marked off with a holographic silver star sticker, including our robot vacuum who does an excellent job and deserves all the stars. (Our names got blurred out cause ETD doesn’t want his real name out there in the world, so that’s what is blurry.)

This system is useful for several reasons, the primary one being a sense of achievement and continued motivation, and the second, to allow you to review each month to see where you are doing well, and where you might otherwise be struggling.

For example, if I have a bad day for writing or decide to take a day off, I write that down in the calendar rather than leaving it blank, so that I have a record of what went wrong (or right, if I am electing to self care that day and take a day off) and how my overall progress is doing.

In terms of house stuff, this has been especially useful for ETD and myself, as it shows us where we are managing to do a good job with the house, and where our executive dysnfunction issues really trip us up and where we need to make improvements. And I don’t just mean in an “I should try harder way”, I mean you have to actively sit down and be like “hey! What is preventing me from completing this thing” and trying to figure out effective ways to either get around it or resolve a larger issue at hand.

So for us, the biggest thing we tend to miss is doing dishes after dinner, meaning we get left with a pile-up of dishes to deal with first thing in the morning, and my ADHD can’t handle that. It won’t let me eat until I’ve cleared all the mess, but I usually don’t have the energy to clean up if I haven’t eaten, so it’s this awful cycle of ineptitude. We’re doing better with the star reward system, cause it’s showing us our progress loud and clear on the fridge door, but we are both usually so fatigued and exhausted by the end of dinner that doing dishes is just one thing too many for our mutual disorders. So, the solution for this would, of course, be a dishwasher, cause if we had one of those, we could load stuff in, turn it on, and let those dishes get done while we go to bed then put them away in the morning. We can’t afford to do that right now, and we have other appliances we need to buy/replace before we can do that (still don’t have a tumble dryer, or a washer I can access, rip) but it does give us a tangible goal to work toward, and also, the motivation to keep on top of things because it goes from “an endless task with no end in sight” to “there’s a solution for this, we can manage a while longer.”

Now you could be saying, but Joy, I’m an adult! Surely I shouldn’t expect rewards for completing every day tasks that I should be able to do?!

To which I say, neurotypical people get rewards all the time and get an unconscious dose of dopamine/serotonin from their brains every time they complete a task. They’re playing the game of life on easy mode, the gold star is your achievement for completing it daily on Nintendo 99 hard mode. IF THE STICKER WORKS, TAKE THE STICKER

YOU’VE EARNED IT.

[popitdontdropitwrites]

"Mx. Sinister" Engineer/Medic - Chapter 15

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14,

CW: Obsession/Obsessive behaviour, light sexual content,

Dell returned the gesture with haste and passion, as if he had been starving for the touch of another. Each kiss was rough and hard, with the added graze of stubble against his face. Joseph pretended to be just as hungry and added passionate strokes of the tongue. The smaller man panted against him, unable to breathe while receiving so much of his attention. Dell submitted to his every touch and allowed himself to be pinned against the wall, just as he had done hours before.

Joseph effortlessly took control, slipping his hands under the other man’s shirt, exploring his figure and finding the roundness of his body was comforting. Under his fingertips, the foul creature before him was a harmless, squishy toy to be played with. He reinforced his control by biting down on the Texan’s lip, eliciting a surprised whimper from him. Joseph took the opportunity to pull away from their vile kiss and to instead maul his neck with harsh, repetitive bites. He disguised them as love bites while he fantasised about ripping his throat open and leaving him to bleed. Joseph delighted in the way that the smaller man gasped and whined, not because bringing out such a reaction excited him, rather, it signalled to him just how easy it was to put the man at his mercy.

As the seconds passed, he calmed the violent display of faux lust with brief, loving kisses and instead, pressed his forehead against Dell’s. He insulted affection as a concept the best as he could by wrapping his arms around him, embracing him.

“Now let me ask you again,” Joseph got in Dell’s face, this time not out of anger, but instead, to tempt him. “May I stay in your bed tonight?” He whispered the words with a sensual tone, pulling at his desire while his clever hands wandered all over his partner.

He already knew what Dell would say long before he opened his mouth. “Y-Yeah of course, whatever ya want, Joseph.” He said, seemingly delirious.

“Take me to bed, then.” He commanded, outstretching his hand to be taken.

The engineer’s hand locked around his own and he tugged him through the house. Dell opened the bedroom door with his mechanical hand, and they walked inside. “It ain’t much but it’s a place to sleep.” He chuckled nervously.

Dell’s room was just that. It was simple in appearance, with a minimalistic, nostalgic charm. An old-fashioned bed with plain blankets and pillows. A wardrobe stood in the corner, with a few nice shirts, overalls and coats hanging on a rack. Beneath it were square drawers, undoubtedly full of casual clothes. A worn, leather armchair sat in the corner of the room, with a shelf full of books behind it. Those too, looked well-worn and thoroughly loved. Most were of the educational kind and related to robotics and engineering, with only a few being fiction. It brought him no comfort to know that the Texan was educated, and actively pursuing more knowledge. He thought that a self-help book would be a wise investment for him.

“It’s better than my room, at least.” He said.

“Naw, I think you’ve done a mighty good job at makin’ that old shed a home.”

Joseph was the first to sit on the bed. He undid his boots and kicked them off. He began to undress, placing his hands on the first button of his shirt. He was about to undo it when he noticed Dell’s hand hovering in his peripheral.

“I hate to be a bother, but… could I give ya a hand?” He asked shyly.

He indulged him and relaxed, allowing the smaller man to undo the buttons of his shirt one by one. He shrugged it from his shoulders, fully exposing his chest. The hungry look in Dell’s eyes was more than enough to tell him that he wanted to touch.

“Don’t be shy.” He invited him in to lather his trap with attractive, sweet honey.

Despite his words, Dell’s hands nervously approached his chest as if it belonged to a beast. The Texan’s grey-blue eyes would dart to his every few seconds, to make sure that he wasn’t about to bite. When his stout fingers finally touched his hair-laden body, the smaller man let out a shuddering sigh of reverence and while he considered it flattering, he was also disgusted by it. As Dell rolled his pecs under his palms, his breath seemed to stop all together. While Joseph was hardly impressed, the other man was practically foaming at the mouth. His thick fingers trailed downward, following the pathway of dark curls down his stomach to his hips. He felt them up, curious as to their shape. But eventually, even Joseph could tell it wasn’t enough. His fingers crept to the waistband of his pants and his index went as far as to slip under it. Dell looked up to him for approval.

Even with the prospect of escape coming ever nearer, he could not allow his captor to have that. At first, he laughed it off. “Du bist eine solche Abartiger mann!” His playful tone hid just how much he meant it. “No, Dell.” He said, making sure that he was serious and firm. “Not now.”

“You’re such a tease.”

“I’m sure the wait will make it all the more rewarding.” He hoped a vague promise like that would be alluring enough. He shuddered at the thought of having to bed his captor and the more he could delay it, the better.

Joseph slumped on the bed at long last, closing his eyes in the sheer relief of knowing the worst part of the night was over.

He heard the rustle of Dell taking off his clothes and hoped that it was only his shirt coming off. “Could I give ya a cuddle?” It unsettled him to hear the man’s voice from so close to him. He opened his eyes and turned to look at the man lying beside him, noticing the spray of freckles over his cheeks and nose as well as a tiny scar on his cheek where the stubble failed to grow.

He supposed he could tolerate a cuddle if he had endured… that. “I don’t mind.”

The other man curled around him, wrapping his large hands around him and pressing their bodies together. Joseph despised his suffocating presence, the frequent gushes of hot breath against his neck and his sickeningly sweet mutters, but he silenced all of his complaints with a single, comforting thought. Despite the softness of the pillow against his cheek and the comfort of the blankets, he would not sleep tonight, nor would he dream of the open air and mundanity of the life he had before. Joseph smiled to himself, feeling a rare hint of happiness about to transform into fully fledged bliss.

Tonight, he would escape.

Next Chapter

[brawltogethernow]

I'd like to hear more about your murderbot transmigrator thoughts :))

Okay obviously when I said I wasn’t going to think about a Murderbot/Scum Villain fusion that was more of a goal, which is a lot like a lie. I have pecked out ~1k of prose for it, but none of it is presentable for longer than one line. The problem with this concept is that it’s actually very good, and there are a lot of meaty ideas to dig into with it, like, too many of them.

1. Murderbot would be immedately inclined to empathize with the System and guess at its motivations. Depending on what those are this may still stay an antagonistic relationship, because the way the System leverages its cosmic powers to coerce and strongarm people stomps on a lot of Murderbot’s triggers and is generally a dick move. The points system is just a gamified governor module. But it’s still a relationship, and if the System turns out to be an antagonist, it’s in that role as a fleshed out character with a personality who has been interrogated by someone with every reason to assume somebody made it and has commanded it to act like this for their own reasons.

Murderbot asks its function and designates it NarrSystem (Narrative System) or StorySystem or something because “the System” is too generic coming from its setting.

2. Transmigrating into a human body would be badweird and transmigrating into a human brain would be absolutely horrifying. (SecUnit could transmigrate into a system, but we’ve kind of been there done that with 2.0.) Dysphoria central! Murderbot gets to address that while it has never wanted to be a human, all humans are so convinced that being human is better that on some level it WAS worried that they were right. And now it can say with absolute certainty that they are not and this sucks. But also some things that it would have thought would be fundamentally different are actually the same. It’s just a whole time.

This is part of why I’m deviating from transmigration story standard and full stop making the transmigration a temporary situation, the other main reason being that Murderbot has more going on in its own world than your standard transmigration protagonist.

3. Either Murderbot gets back by hacking the System or it intends to but it’s ultimately the System’s decision. This is a very slow process because it can’t access tech the way it’s used to and the System’s structure is very different from what it’s dealt with before (because it strongly resembles Windows Vista). It needs tech and more control over its situation stat though so it’s going to keep at it until it works. Open your damn menus. SecUnit is going to rig transmigration until it’s like playing The Sims with cheat codes.

4. (This one is for me.) The System still talks in garbled Chinese netspeak, and Murderbot is like. Wow this program speaks in the lost tongue of an ancient civilization. How old is it. I can barely understand it. (Because of the bad memes not the Chinese.)

5. Murderbot gets yeeted into The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon and has to deal with the emotionally exhausting scenario of empathizing with everybody present. It likes the heroes, and it likes the other heroes they’re in conflict with, it likes the more complex villains with fleshed out motivations, and it even has a soft spot for a lot of the side characters and bit villains. This is fundamentally incompatible with how it tries to ration its empathy, assess situations by sorting people into allies/nonhostiles/hostiles, and compartmentalize by nicknaming the people it’s in conflict with things like Target 1, Target 2, and Target 3.

6. The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System, as the specific transmigration variation we’re jumping off of here, was not trying to interrogate the infinity mirror effect of heteronormativity reflecting back and forth between media and people, and as such is not like, a solid narrative about this. That said, this book is basically like:

Shen Yuan reads this giant mess of a book with a lot of straight sex fantasies, not completely without appreciating the romance, but with more antipathy for it than he admits to himself. Then he ends up in the book and thinks he’s meant to enable the romances he read, which he’s so completely resigned to doing he doesn’t notice that the main character is queer and gone on him, or that he, himself, has been studiously suppressing the desires he assumes he should have while unable to perceive what he actually wants and how it affects his behavior.

So the Murderbot version of this is to subvert amatonormativity with your pretty explicitly aroace protagonist whose reaction to fictional romance is tolerant at best. Murderbot embraces its own lack of desire for romance but dances around acknowledging that it desires other relationships and seems to be working around the incorrect belief that romance and friendship are both human things and that’s why it doesn’t engage with them. So:

Murderbot ends up in the immediate leadup to the resolution of a love dodecahedron - maybe surrounding Eden, just as the only named character from TRAFOSM I think we have. And Murderbot is (internally) like...okay...I was never very moved by ANY of these people as romantic choices for you...but I might as well try to guide you to the least offensive ones, I guess. And it’s so mired in expectations based on its foreknowledge of this arc that it doesn’t notice until Eden spells it out that they’re ditching ALL their suitors and have realized they’re complete without romance and want to devote themself to finding their long lost birth mother or farming science or something, which just takes SecUnit tf out.

Possibly I will become really ungovernable and say that after seizing the System’s capabilities Murderbot just offers to take Eden on a reverse isekai right off of Sanctuary Moon, leaving ART’s crew and the Preservation team to be like, Where Did You Just Get This Entire Human.

7. Further going off svsss, there is a meta thread to interrogate by plunking Murderbot into a villain character. It's already an evil robot trope that declined to go evil, this is true in-universe and it knows it, and it has very low expectations of the morals of the group that it belongs to - informed by the same media that was a lifeline to it when it was in a very bad situation - that it is still in the process of working through. The layers.

So yeah there’s a lot going on here. Send help.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

One Shot: Ask Questions, Throw Shield Later.

Intro: Steve and Katie have an unwelcome late night visitor…

Warnings: “Language!” Smut (NSFW, 18+)

Pairing:  Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

W/C: 1.9k

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

A/N: The first of two (yes, two) special 29th May Birthday One shots. Happy Birthday Tony! Man, I missed writing for these guys in this timeline! This fits into SSB within “I Told You I Said Yes”.

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

“Fuck, Steve...” Katie groaned, her head tilting backwards as Steve gave another deep thrust upwards, “right there... Jesus.”

“Good?” Steve panted as his hands grabbed her waist, finger tips digging into the flesh that covered her hipbones.

She nodded, grinding on him faster, his hands pulling her down making sure he hit as deep as he could.

Their soft, intimate sounds filled the room and, wanting to be as close to her as he could get, Steve sat up drawing a gasp from Katie as he did so. His hands moved to her back. One splayed half way up her spine, the other cupped the back of her head. His fingers tangled in her long, silky hair as he pulled her face to his. He kissed her, hard, his tongue dominating hers as he swallowed her moan, one that rumbled in her throat as if it came from the depths of her belly.

They’d already danced this tango once already that night. After a few beers with the team in anticipation of Tony’s birthday (minus Natasha as she was still on something Fury was running), they’d retired and gotten a little frisky some two hours prior. But then Steve had woken, his super sharp hearing alerting himself to some form of ransom noise deep in the floors below them and, well, he couldn’t get back to sleep. So he’d hugged Katie close.

Too close.

As ever he was unable to control his reactions to his girl and had ended up with a boner. Meaning she’d woken with him basically rutting up against her back, feigning innocence when she’d given him a grumble at the fact he’d dragged her from her slumber.

She hadn’t been grumbling for long.

“Stevie... I’m gonna...” Katie’s forehead pressed into his, her mouth open as her lips hovered over his, and he thrust upwards again, his nose brushing hers softly, like the touch of a butterfly.

“Let go. Doll,” he panted, actively fighting his own high, “cum for me.”

Her chest heaved, pert nipples brushing his bare skin and her movements stuttered. Her mouth opened in a silent scream, which cracked into a half grunt, half moan as she felt herself go, her body positively floating from her high.

By the time she came round, Steve had also finished, his broad shoulders rising and falling as he gathered his breath. Katie collapsed forward with a soft chuckle, her forehead pressing into his collar bone as he fell backwards, taking her with him.

They lay still for a moment, the only sounds being their heavy breathing and the soft rustle of sheets as Steve pulled the bedding up around them. The smooth cotton brushing over her sensitive skin made Katie shudder a little. Steve smiled and pressed a kiss to her temple, his large hands running up and down her spine.

“Am I forgiven for waking you up?” He asked and she shrugged, not even bothering to try and find the strength to sit up. “It’s three AM. I’ll think about it.”

Steve chuckled and she sat up slightly, leaning down to give him a slow kiss.

“Love you.” she pulled back a little, her eyes shining in the dim light, and Steve smiled.

“Love you too.”

Fifteen minutes later they were both settled down and on the verge of sleep once more when a loud crashing in the apartment made them both sit bolt upright.

“What the...” Steve was out of bed in a flash, wrenching the door to their room open.

Katie was seconds behind him, stopping only to grab Steve’s shirt from the chair at the vanity. As she shrugged it on, she ran into the hallway and heard a familiar metallic whoosh. There was the squealing of metal on metal and Katie flicked on the light just in time to see a flash of blue, red and white as Steve’s shield flew back to his hand. He looked over to Katie as she stepped towards him, her mouth falling.

“Is that...” she glanced down at what looked like a version of one of Tony’s suits. It lay motionless on the floor in two pieces, Steve’s shield having severed it at the waist. The failing electrics sparked as the various boards and cogs died, before it fell silent.

Steve nudged it with his foot. It didn’t move. He turned to Katie, a frown on his handsome face.

“Did he tell you he was making them autonomous?”

“That’s nothing new, JARVIS has always been able to control them remotely.” Katie shook her head as she crouched down, her hand gently touching the helmet. She tried to move the face plate but it didn’t open. Rapping her knuckles on the skull, she was met with a solid sound, not the usual hollow echo.  “JARVIS?”

There was no reply.

“Why isn’t he answering?” Steve looked at her.

“Tony might have him down.” Katie answered. “He runs the updates at night some times. I do know one thing though.”

“What?” Steve asked as she stood up.

“That couldn’t have gotten in here without Tony letting it in one way or another.” She glanced at Steve, her pretty face full of annoyance. “Imma kill him, fucking idiot.”

She turned to leave and Steve gently caught her arm. “Honey...”

“Seriously? You want me to let this go?”

“Hell, no.” He shook his head, “I want you to wait for me to put some clothes on.”  

Despite herself, Katie grinned as her eyes scanned Steve’s naked body, his shield still on his arm. He rolled his eyes and nodded to the suit on the floor, “I’m going to give him his property back, along with a piece of my mind.” **** Tony spun round, his brow arching as Steve and Katie walked into the lab. But whatever smart quip he had been about to come out with died as he spotted what was slung over the super soldier’s broad shoulders. With a loud slam, Steve threw the two parts of the robot down on the desk.

“What did you do to it?” Tony moaned.

“Threw my shield at it.” Steve folded his arms over his chest, the sleeves of the white ribbed Tee he had shrugged on straining over his thick biceps.

Tony was that distracted by his destroyed robot that he failed to notice Katie stomping towards him. She drew her right fist back and punched him hard on the shoulder.

“Ow, Kiddo!”

“You dick!” She yelled. “What the hell were you doing sending that into our apartment?”

“Wanted to test your reaction to it.” Tony shrugged. “See how it came across.”

“How it ca- Tony, it’s half past 3 in the morning!” She shrieked.

“Exactly.” Tony scratched his beard. “Total element of surprise. I thought you guys would give me a base of how people would react to them. Can’t have been that well if Spangles felt the need to cut it in half with his frisbee.”

“We had no idea what or who it was.” Steve felt his anger beginning to rise, “what was I supposed to do?”

“I’ve told you before, big guy. Ask questions, throw shield later.” Tony shrugged, “I can’t believe you killed Iron Kid.”

“Iron Kid?” Katie blinked.

“Yeah, the name’s a working progress.”

“Tony, what is it?” Steve pressed.

“It’s a prototype.” Tony informed them. “I had the idea last week. The Avengers exploded after New York. You should see the piles of fan mail that the guys downstairs sort each day.”

“Less bragging, more explaining.” Katie narrowed her eyes.

“The point is, we attract attention. So I had a thought about something that could help keep the public at bay,” Tony gestured to the pile of metal, “we can use them to issue instructions, help aid the emergency services. Keep civilians out of the way.”

Katie and Steve looked at one another, and Steve hated to admit it but the idea made sense.

Sorta.

“Clearly I need to rethink a little.” Tony mused. “I mean if they freaked you out then...” “It freaked us out because it was in. our. apartment!” Katie groaned. “In the middle of the night.”

“That’s the point, it was supposed to have the element of surprise, wake you up.”

“Well there’s your first fuck up!” She hissed. “We were already awake-“

“Why?” Tony frowned

“Because we just finished a great, sweaty sex session.” She shot back and Steve groaned, feeling the heat in his neck as he looked down, his bare toes flexing against the cool floor of the lab. “And you wanna be grateful we had finished because if we hadn’t I’d be really, really mad. You get me?”

“That’s.. disgusting.” Tony wrinkled his nose.

“And you’re an asshole.” Katie shot back.

With a shudder, Tony moved and picked up a screwdriver. He turned the helmet up aside down and opened a small hatch at the back. Stooping slightly, he prodded and poked at something inside.

“Huh, least the main board wasn’t damaged.” He straightened up and turned to face them both. “So, other than scaring the shit out of you what was it like? Voice interface okay? Too much me or not enough me or-“

“There was no voice interface.” Steve replied.

“What?” Tony frowned, “JARVIS was supposed to be controlling it. It should have told you why it was there and-“

“Well he didn’t.” Steve rolled his eyes, his already stretched patience wearing dangerously thin.

“He didn’t...huh?” Tony frowned and Katie moved past him to a computer.

“Oh for the... he’s on mute you dumbass!” She tapped a few buttons and JARVIS’ voice rang out.

“Thank you Miss Stark.”

“Shit.” Tony gave a sheepish grin. “Sorry, buddy. Forgot I turned you off.”

“Mr Stark, may I suggest you call it a night, Sir? It is rather late and you’ve been awake for almost twenty-one hours. Miss Potts instructed me to ensure you-“ “And that is precisely why I did.” Tony rolled his eyes and Katie let out a growl of annoyance

“I’m done. Come on, Steve.”

She stalked towards the door and Tony looked up. “You not gonna wish me happy birthday?”

In response she raised the middle fingers on both her hands, flipping him off over her shoulders as she stomped out of the door.

Steve watched her go before she turned to Tony. “You know, I think you’re onto something. Keeping civilians away would make things a lot easier.”

“Wouldn’t it?” Tony nodded, eagerly. “We’d need a fleet of them, an Iron Fleet, no that’s... like i said, the names a work in progress.”

“We can discuss this tomorrow. Give it some proper though.” Steve took a deep breath. “Just don’t send any more into the apartment, please?”

Tony saluted him and Steve rolled his eyes. He turned to go before he stopped, and looked back at his friend.

“Happy birthday, pal.”

Tony snorted. “Cheers, Spangles.”

Tony watched Steve walk out of the lab, before he glanced back at the destroyed robot.

“Mr Stark... Miss Potts is awake...”

“Ahh shit.” Tony groaned. “How much trouble am I in?”

“I don’t think a Roman Legion would protect you.” JARVIS replied and Tony stilled, a huge grin spreading across his face.

“Iron Legion.” He tossed the screwdriver up in the air and caught it, chuckling. “JARVIS, you are a genius.”

“Why thank you, sir. And now I really must insist you go to bed.”

“Yeah, okay, I’m going. Lock everything down will you? Oh, and order us all breakfast from the diner on the corner of fifth.”

“Of course. The usual?”

“Yeah. Have it delivered about 10:30. Should be enough to calm Kiddo down.”

“Very wise Sir. I’ll ensure there’s extra bacon, just in case.”

“Yeah, who doesn’t love extra bacon?”

[sir-phineas-lost]

Follow-up post

So I got a reply to my comment about the ableism in Ironwood’s character arc by @swapauanon and then they immediately blocked me. Since I am sometimes a petty bastard I decided to make a separate response anyway.

The first thing I would like to point out is that this person does not actually address my points in any way throughout this lengthy rant. My comment was all about the behind-the-scenes comments from the creators and they only responded with in-text examples and their interpretations of them. Those are important sure, and I will talk about those, but they don’t exactly come off as arguing in good-faith right from the get-go.

Okay, so I don’t TYPICALLY acknowledge RWDE’s beyond blocking them, but I think it’s important to separate how Ironwood views himself versus how the writers view him.

Because Ironwood’s entire downfall is his misunderstanding of how humanity works. He denies his own humanity, and sees maiming his vulnerable flesh and replacing it with unfeeling machinery as ridding himself of his own human weaknesses.

Except at the end of the day, he can’t cast off his VERY human soul, and his refusal to acknowledge that he can’t and SHOULDN’T do that are ultimately what leads to his downfall.

I have seen this “Actually it is just Ironwood himself that is ableist” argument before, and I don’t think it holds any water. While it is true that he begins to see compassion as a weakness, he never expresses the views you say he does about his own machine parts. And if you want to talk about how Ironwood sees himself vs how the writers see him you really can’t do so without talking about framing and subtext. When we get scenes that emphazize Ironwood’s machine parts to make him look intimidating or use his passive superpower (described as “hyper-focus” by the creators themselves) to shut off his empathy, that is the writers telling us that these physical aspects of Ironwood makes him less human.

Meanwhile, what V8C12 was TRYING to convey (even if it was horrible in its execution), was that it’s one’s SOUL that defines them, not the body that houses it. 

Literally NO OTHER CHARACTER with mechanical parts added to their body views themselves as less human.

[...]

Penny doesn’t angst over not being human, she angsts over being treated like a soulless tool. (Which is why I don’t like that they turned her human. Had they set up that she’d wanted to be human back in Volume 2, it would’ve been one thing, but they don’t establish that Penny wanted to be human until AFTER her mechanical body has been discarded.)

So here they outright contradict themselves. They start off saying that no other character views themselves this way, and then go on to say that Penny does (but only after she has been turned human). And like, points for admitting that scene was bad, but they seem unwilling to consider that maybe the fact that the writers did include that scene tells us something about the way the show at large views disability. They seem to think they can just write it off and move on like this instance of Penny absolutely seeing herself as inhuman can just be ignored. it also disregards that this isn’t just Penny expressing how she feels about herself. When Penny gets her human body she expresses surprise that hugging someone makes her feel “warm inside” even though she has hugged people countless times before. This is not a villain saying that having machine parts makes you less human and being proven wrong, this is a hero saying outright that “wow, my mechaniocal body made me unable to appreciate this simple human interaction, but now that I have a flesh-body I can”. Things like this is why I do not buy the argument that it is only Ironwood who thinks being part machine makes you less human.

Mercury doesn’t angst over the loss of his legs, he angsts over the piece of his soul his father tore out.

[...]

While Yang DOES lose her arm and angst over it, she doesn’t view herself as less human because of her prosthetic.

The closest we get to a LITERAL “cybernetics eats your soul” story is with Cinder, and she doesn’t have ANY cybernetics, just a parasitic leash that’s slowly consuming her flesh and threatens to eventually consume her mind if she doesn’t get rid of it. And if/when she does, I imagine she’ll replace that with a mechanical arm.

(I moved a few parts of their post around here because it made more sense to me to talk about these quotes together)

I feel like this highlights how much this person completely ignores the core argument of what makes the themes in RWBY ableist. They focus way too much on the literal and whether the characters “angst” over their humanity. But like I have said before, thie main issue here is theme and subtext.

Mercury doesn’t “angst” over his legs, but that doesn’t erase the subtext inherent in the fact that he still lost his legs (and presumanbly the piece of his soul) at the same time as he joins team evil.

Yang is probably the best take on a disabled person with a prosthetic in the show. I will give it that. I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong with how it has handled this storyline, but I do think it sets a certain expectation for how it thinks a “good” person should handle their disability. Because Yang basically deals with her lost arm by seeing her prosthetic as an “extra”. She creates a distance between herself and it instead of seeing her mechanical arm as actually part of herself. Again, nothing inherently wrong with that but combined with the Penny-nonsense it creates a pattern of seeing machine parts as inherently inhuman and “lesser”.

The point about Cinder is where the argument relies too much on technicality. Sure, Cinder’s new arm isn’t cybernetic, bhut it is still a prosthetic and it is unambiguously presented as evil and corrupting.

So, no, it’s not the fact that Ironwood has prosthetics that makes him less human, they’re simply a symptom of his view of “soft” traits (kindness, empathy, forgiveness, and flesh), as weaknesses to be sacrificed for the “greater good”. Basically, while I know this term gets misused a lot, Ironwood embodies toxic masculinity. The idea that showing any emotion other than rage and pride is “shameful” and “unmanly”. The idea that brute strength matters more than strategy. That taking unnecessary risks to achieve your goal is “brave” and “daring” and not “stupid beyond belief”. Plus, I want to point out that WINTER HERSELF said that Penny (as a robot) was more “human” than her. 

Again, this completely ignores how Ironwood and his prosthetics are framed by the narrative. The idea that all of his flaws are based in toxic masculinity and have nothing to do with his disability is just not very supported by the text or by word of God (again, it was the creators themselves who said that losing his arm was “symbolic of losing his humanity).

And Winter’s words to Penny aren’t very positive either. The point being made there is that Penny was always human “underneeth” her robotics, which sounds good until you realize that this still frames her mechanical differences as negative. They are treated as a prison for the “real” Penny and the narrative explicitly tells us that they have made her unable to feel certain emotions.

It’s just that searing off that flesh after breaking his own Aura serves as a good visual metaphor for Ironwood giving up his “softer” traits to accomplish his goals, even if there was a better solution staring him right in the face (i.e. the rings were EXPOSED and he could’ve just nudged them out of alignment to get to Watts).

This feels like a really big reach on their parts to justify their idea of Ironwood as stupid on top of everything else. It relies on assuming things about fictional technology that was never explained in the show itself. I mean, if the rings are so easy to nudge then what is even holding them in place?

Either way it doesn’t really matter because the message of the scene is the same. If the point is to signal that ironwood is willing to give up his softer traits because he is also willing to give up his soft bady, then that also tells the viewer that being able-bodied and being capable of compassion/kindness/etc are synonymous.

It has nothing to do with the metal, and everything to do with the “Mettle”. 

I have no idea why they would bring up the fantasy neurodivergence the writers added in through word-of-God as if it somehow makes the show less ableist. “Mettle” as it is described by the writers, is not a character flaw. It is a chronic condition.

Edit: Seriously, I hope you realize that the hatedom makes it VERY hard for any criticism of the show to be taken seriously when the very VALID cricisms are downed out by “Adam should’ve been an anti-hero!” and “Fascism is good, actually!” leading to those of us with ACTUAL constructive criticism getting lumped in with you lot!

I am curious what they think “constructive criticism” looks like since apparently “Hey, constantly equating robot parts with inhuman behavior is shitty and ableist, please stop” doesn’t cut it.

Anyways, fuck this guy. If they want to be taken seriously maybe they should think about why they had to make such a long-ass rant to dismiss criticism of very basic ableist tropes.

[trifle-of-doom]

The Hawk X Demetri Manifesto

Okay, here is the thing. Despite being well past my teens, there's a particular ship of Cobra Kai that has drawn my attention, this ship being Hawk/Eli x Demetri. When I first watched the show, I was actually more invested in the adult characters storylines than the teens. I immediately rooted for Johnny and Carmen, and I was always hoping for more interactions between them. But then I saw episode 2x05, in which the atmosphere between the Binary Brothers becomes way more dense, and that's when I started to see some potential for them. Not because I'm a deranged person who fosters abusive relationships, but because I immediately caught the hurt/comfort dynamic of the duo, which is something that works really well when it comes to fictional relationships. However, it wasn't until 3x10 that I said, "Ok, that's official, I need to see more of these two! I totally support them!" And I was quite surprised to find a fairly large amount of people who are very committed to this pairing, to the point it's caught the attention of the screenwriters/producers as well. Honestly, I don't know if the showrunners will ever have the guts to make them an official couple, and chances are their supporters will have to keep reading between the lines of their bromance, but in any case, here is my take on why Hawk/Eli x Demetri is an option worth to be considered.

#1 - The Bromance

If there's something that many years of navigating the Internet taught me, is that the main driving factor for fan-made ships is the presence of either a solid relationship based on mutual brotherly love or a bitter rivalry that may or may not flow into hate/obsession. If you consider anime fandoms, there are thousand examples that fit into either of these categories: Yugi and Jonouchi from the Yu-Gi-Oh series (yes, that's how old I am), Yugi and Kaiba from Yu-Gi-Oh, Sakuragi and Rukawa from Slam Dunk, Light and L from Death Note, etc. And our Hawk and Demetri fit into both categories. When we first see them, they are the stereotypical nerdy friends (possibly childhood friends?) sitting at the losers' table, who have no one else but each other. When Eli is at his most sensitive and fragile, you can tell he feels comfortable being with Demetri by the genuine smile he has on his face as Demetri is joking with Miguel at the canteen table. Through his sarcasm, the mouthy kid acts as a catalyst to deviate the attention from Eli, speaking for him, reprimanding Johnny when he makes fun of his lip and trying to make him feel safe. Besides, you can see a certain degree of frustration in Demetri when Kyler and his gang are harassing Eli, and he's unable to do anything to defend him. And they even have a jingle for their friendship with a robot dance, I mean, how cute is that? But of course, a solid friendship between two helpless nerdy guys is not enough to spark a ship to be rooting for. In order for the magic to happen, another key ingredient is needed, i.e. a little bit of angst. Which brings us straight to the next point.

#2 - The Angst (aka the Hurt/Comfort Dynamic)

Even though I never liked the Twilight saga or any similar urban fantasy young adult works, I can easily see where the appeal comes from; the attraction to a charming, dangerous person who could either protect you from any harm or crush you like grape. Although with different franchises, I wasn't immune to the bad boy trope either (Yes, I'm looking at you, my teenage self drooling over Grimmjow from Bleach). If we can appreciate the genuine, brotherly friendship between nerdy Eli and Demetri, the shift that Eli makes as he transitions into Hawk and becomes more aggressive and dominant gives their relationship a totally different flavor. Attrition sparks a certain tension that, in the viewer's eyes, could either flow into a brawl or into passion.

During the mall fight, Demetri comes to the realization that his former best friend is actually someone who can crush him like grape. We see Hawk intentionally harming him for the first time, and Demetri's heartbreaking expression as he drops the line: "You'd actually hurt me?" And if that line gave us a pang in our hearts when we first watched Season 2, imagine rewatching it now that we know what happens in Season 3. Demetri is chased down the mall, running for his life, and then he's locked in a grip, as his best friend menacingly advances towards him. Demetri appears as the damsel in distress, however his friend is not the one who will fight to protect him, but rather his tormentor.

During the party at Moon's, Demetri manages to briefly go through Hawk's mask and reach out to Eli, thanks to a casual conversation about Dr Who. But then the beer incident happens, and Demetri defends himself with the only weapon he has – his loudmouth. The situation is reversed, and for a brief moment, he gets to be the dominant one as he discloses all Eli's most intimate secrets. Demetri is now actively contributing to the Hurt/Comfort dynamic; he's no longer just a target, but he's doing his part to enlarge that gaping hole that has formed between them. And Hawk didn't take it well.

From this moment on, Demetri becomes a sort of obsession to Hawk, who hunts him down the school, teasing him and taunting him sadistically, like a serial killer from a horror movie, during the big fight. Of course, in real life, this would be completely insane, and the police/a social assistant/psychiatrist should be called, but in ShipLand, these situations are pure gold. Okay, we get it, Hawk wants to get revenge for the humiliation at the party, and he wants to crush that nerd part of himself he sees in Demetri, but he does it with such an intensity that it borders on ridiculous. It's like this is his twisted way to acknowledge Demetri's presence. Eventually, Hawk ends up smashed into the trophy case, and I confess I felt a little disappointed when Demetri broke that hug to give Hawk a roundhouse kick. I mean, it was a great comeback, but I was sincerely hoping for a "No hard feelings man, let's get outta here!" scenario.

Getting back to the sick and twisted way Hawk acknowledges Demetri's presence, he destroys his science project after he got jealous due to him being confident in his nerd self and laughing around with his ex girlfriend (whom the writers insist he still has a crush on). Speaking of Moon, I have a feeling she likes Hawk mostly based on his badass appearance. Remember when she goes "I like this (mohawk) and I love these (muscles), but I'm not dating a bully"?

Then the football match happens. Okay, let's break this down. Demetri trips Hawk and acts all sassy, and a fellow Cobra Kai is immediately ready to take him down, but Hawk stops him. "Fight smart, he says". Too bad that literally 5 seconds earlier he had shoved a kid to the ground just because his ex girlfriend (again, duuuh~) ignored him when he winked at her. And then, as he's trying to intercept the ball, BANG, Hawk hits Demetri, sending him to the ground, pretending it was an accident. So, what does this tell us? That Hawk has some serious anger management issues? Yeah sure, but also that he cares about fighting smart only as long as it serves as an excuse to leave Demetri for him, because he's his designated target. Again, this is all but romantic, and it doesn't necessarily have to be interpreted as him lusting after his friend, but it's undeniable that this dynamic offers a lot of ship fuel.

The arm breaking thing is just too painful to even analyze. We see a completely helpless Demetri begging for mercy to his ex best friend, who has made No Mercy his life motto. And that scream, oh that scream. All I wanted to see was Hawk realizing what he had done and throwing himself on his knees while begging for forgiveness. But I'm glad that at least we get to see he feels awful for what he's done, and I like to think that, as he got home, Eli cried out all the tears he had in his body thinking about poor Demetri at the hospital, with a swollen broken arm, all because of him. Of all the situations, this is undoubtedly the most deranged and extreme, and if something like this happened in real life, the wrongdoer would deserve to be punished and would definitely need to be sent to therapy. But in ShipLand, this opens the road to many, many different scenarios, in which the bully understands his mistakes and shifts back to the good side, or the two share a tender moment after they reconcile, or the traumatized character has to to learn to trust the other one again, or the bully becomes overprotective of his former victim, etc.

#3 - A Rewarding Reconciliation

Finally, we come to the reconciliation, in which Hawk makes his heel-to-face turn. While we've seen him torn with doubt for an entire season about his sensei's teachings, his actions and the people he wants to surround himself with, the key factor that drives Hawk's redemption is the sight of his best friend being held down for him to beat. And with an epic stunt and his awesome KEEEH screech, Hawk jumps to the rescue of his friend. Like many of us, Demetri thought this was still part of the "Only I Can Torment Him" dynamic I discussed earlier, as he steps backwards a little concerned, but then he understands that action was actually meant to save him, and the two begin to fight side by side, in sync, watching each other's back. You can see Demetri's eyes sparkling at the thought of having his friend back.

Also, not only Demetri stands up to alpha bitch Tory in defense of Eli, but he also speaks for his friend when he's faltering, just like he used to. So kudos for Demetri.

#4 - The Red Oni, Blue Oni Dynamic

Binary Brothers are two sides of the same coin and complete each other with opposite character traits, visually expressed by the color red and the color blue. Being the color red typically associated with violence, rage, passion and irrationality, as opposed to blue, which is associated with calmness, melancholy and rationality, red is clearly the dominant color. Again, this opens many interesting scenarios for shippers.

#5 - Body Language

Besides the situations I described above, which may or may not be read from a romantic/attraction standpoint, there are also a collection of small gestures I noticed when rewatching the series with a more attentive look on their relationship.

- Demetri's heart-broken expression when Eli shamefully covers his lip during the anti-bullying announcement.

- The smile Demetri gives when Hawk responds "Hell yeah!" after Aisha proposes to crash Yasmin's party, implying he's learning to embrace this new wild side of his best friend

- The astonished look with which Demetri watches Hawk at the tournament and the way he's pissed no one knows his real name.

- How deeply hurt Demetri is when Hawk belittles him by saying: "Five against three. More like two and a half." He even tries to reply, but he's caught so off guard that words die in his throat.

- How Demetri takes a step towards Hawk during the mall fight, before Sam makes him back off, and how sadly he looks at Hawk's nearly unconscious body after Robby defeated him.

- How Demetri smiles and nods when he briefly connects with Eli at Moon's party, despite the mall incident.

- How Hawk watches Demetri juggle with the cleaning product from behind his bike helmet (how did he stuff the mohawk in there by the way)?

- Hawk's psychotic/sadistic faces when he smells Demetri's blood, and how he likes to hunt him down like he's his prey.

- Hawk's secret impulse to comfort Demetri after the arm breaking (I hope you get nightmares of Demetri's howl of pain for the rest of your life, Hawk).

- The way Hawk twitches his upper lip when he sees his friend Demetri in danger.

- How Hawk and Demetri are so absorbed in their new-found friendship, that they're caught off guard, and Demetri swings Hawk to allow him to deliver a kick using their handshake as a lever. And how they keep fighting together, shaking each other's hands even when they're out of focus and the attention is on Miguel vs. Kyler.

- How they're standing so close at Miyagi Do, in comparison with the other Red/Blue partners.

In conclusion, this kind of relationships are engaging and entertaining to watch, and they make us wish the best for the characters. They make us hope that, in the end, as Miguel puts it, love really conquers all (and what is friendship if not a form of love?), despite all the hurt they did to each other.

So this is it. I hope you enjoyed my Ted Talk. Feel free to share it with whomever you want, especially if you need some solid reasons why this ship has got some good potential.

And remember: the ship is in the eye of the beholder.

F.

[calpalsworld]

Not "autistic anon," but also autistic, (being called maybe ableist made me want to put this out there before go to bed) i thought Zane was depicted that way purposefully by the writers. He has stereotypical traits like taking things literally, and has an actual humor switch. The writers have done things with Zane before like have him lose bodily autonomy (during that one Wu's teas short) and did something with his voice be it making him unable to be understood or talking too loud and the forced pirate voice by Jay. (what you're doing isn't too different from that, right?) I thought it was just a little iffy to distort his body and memory bc that could be interpreted as something not that I'm sure what exactly, it's some kind of disability. I dunno. I'm not good with putting this to words. I hope this makes sense.

Sorry I went to bed but now I’m awake 😭

Also I ended up totally spilling all my thoughts here rather than only specifically replying to you please forgive me context: my scary zane concept design, & my ninjago rewrite i refer to a lot 

Im a little confused but I think I get what you're saying? You're saying the Ninjago writers absolutely DON'T write Zane well (you listed examples of this) and you don't want me to fall into the same trap?

I had the opposite logic earlier. I thought: If Ninjago writers made Zane have stereotypical autisitic traits while also being a dehumanized robot, I may as well embrace it, say he is autistic blatantly, while also making him do funny/cool non-human robot things, so its clear as possible the two aspects of his character are literal and separate and not a metaphor for each other. But you're right! I do have a choice and I dont have to embrace things! :)

Like there were a couple ways I was gonna reject the original, for example, I never wanted Zane to have a funny switch, and I hated how other characters could fuck with Zane and he didn't even care 😬. I want to change that stuff. So youre right, if I am changing shit like that, it would be counterproductive for ME to GIVE him MORE traits along that theme. 😬😬😬 I should try to feel less obligated to portray Zane like he originally is. I still like the concept of "scary zane" (for reasons i explain below the cut) but I might tone it down a bit like with the claws and weird proportions and shit. I’d def make him look more skeletal and undead. That was my original intention, but i didnt execute it as good as I could have.... idk if anyone could tell thats what he was supposed to be like...my bad! But rn I dont wanna redesign him I wanna draw other stuff like normal alive Zane. Sorry LMAO 😳. Like I said in some earlier asks I think, I think Im gonna focus rn on how I should portray season 1 normal not dead Zane so thank you and feel free to share any other Zane thoughts ^_^ SOME OTHER THOUGHTS:

Also I Wanna Argue Some Stuff But I Understand its a Weak Argument Since All of This Context was Just In My Brain (so don't take this as an argument, just as me rambling): I don't want messed up things to happen to Zane and for it to just be ignored. I think if Zane is going to have fucked up things happen to him, as all characters must, its best for it to happen during a season where he actually addresses his feelings about being a robot (learning to accept that he will always be himself, regardless if hes "human" or the "original" or whatever. (thats how I always interpreted his emotions)). But I wouldn't have the other Ninja be very phased by Zane's looks because the whole point is they already love who he is (seasons 1-3 were about getting to know Zane) and now Zane himself just has to learn the physical, robot part of him is okay. Its about person-hood rather than humanity. Because the season focuses around Zane's soul, and because he lost his original body, I feel like I could mess around with his current, temporary body and have fun and make it scary. Because that body should be irrelevant. I understand it possibly being upsetting for an autistic character to be designed like this, but other people I talked to see it the opposite way. They find it comforting for him to look so different but still be himself and be so loved. SO IM ABSOLUTELY NOT saying its wrong to be bothered or to hate it or to feel any way. Just that I personally think it would be cool for Zane to be portrayed with a little spice lol, so thats why I like scary Zane for season 4.

Another Thing I Wannna Say But Is REALLY Hypocritical: (this isnt directed at anyone I just REALLY want to say this) I know I say "this is Zane but scary, he looks like fnaf" so he's obviously dehumanized, but I always felt like "scary" is more of an objective fact. Its an instinct. But what's "not human" is subjective. I think there is a problem with saying anything different from "average" human is dehumanized because that could extend to real people. Lol I know its bad for me to compare FNAF-ass Zane to real people, but I mean he could be real. People can have exposed teeth, and people can be shaped weird. And when someone first sees a person who looks like that they'll probably think "woah those features are scary" by instinct. And that surprise doesn't make someone ableist obviously. But bring that person’s humanity into question is NOT an instinct, and is fucked to shit. This is kinda a bad point for me to make since its about the fictional FNAF Zane I drew, and I am NOT implying ANYONE was thinking like this. [especially not the original asker anon who I am totally forgetting about at this point OOPS]. But I just thought it was an opinion of mine I couldn't go without mentioning when talking about dehumanization and disabilities.

^^^ I think you (anon) understand what I mean and might’ve said the exact same thing as me if you were writing a long ass response? I think this because you started to bring physical disabilities up and you said it was "a little iffy." ^_^ So we agree, but I don't see Zane's relation to real life disabilities as "a little iffy" I see it more like "complicated"? IF THAT DIFFERENCE EVEN MAKES ANY SENSE?????? I feel like a lot of things about Zane are really just complicated and need the right context, rather than the concepts necessarily being wrong -- NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT! THATS THE WHOLE REASON I DO THIS STUPID REWRITE! XD thats why a lot of my rewrite SO FAR has been the same concepts and plot beats, but different dialogue n specifics and such. I like a lot of concepts in Ninjago but I dont think they were presented correctly.....! :( So I guess all we can do is wait and see if I make Zane offensive or not....???

Also something about the memory part - yeah i agree i was surprised no one thought that was weird to make jokes out of his memory issues..... BUT I am like 100% firm on making his memory take longer to come back because I think its stupid how quick Zane was able to recover from literally dying. Like its just dumb to me. Hate it. (also bc memory & soul mechanics is ummm kinda important in my rewrite.... for reasons). Another memory thing btw, I was going to make his original amnesia come from hitting his head in an attack against the Skulkin when they stole his dads corpse, rather than his dad fucking choosing to make him forget. (its a sweet & iconic scene, but Um, WHY?!!!?!?!?!?) He has to follow data recovery instructions he finds in his dads diary. I think in that context it makes moments of memory loss somewhat different for Zane's character? Instead of loss of autonomy associated with disability, its a literal violent loss of autonomy associated with being traumatized by physical force. Idk how to phrase it exactly but I think that makes some vibes different?

Sorry, I think I got really distracted, and I don't know if I responded well to your points. Because uhhhh I think I agree with your stance actually? If I understand correctly? Fuck Ninjago writers for making the robot lose autonomy (a stereotypical robot theme) while also making him seem clearly autistic (NOT A HAPPY THEME FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE) and not addressing it. And also auuugh Zane with a weird body is a difficult topic - kinda sussy pretty iffy.

Lol anyway idk if this made any sense and I REALLY rambled on you. but this was nice 👉👈 more Zane criticism pls love you and i love zane. i hope u dont feel mad at me because then it would be weird that im saying that lol. if you do feel mad at me tho you can send another ask (ILL TRY TO JUST LISTEN NOT RAMBLE NEXT TIME) but assuming ur chill rn, love you thnx

Take this page, don’t mind cole’s ass.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

43, 45, 51, and 98 where Shuichi’s s/o who died in the killing game was actually the mastermind? it doesn’t have to be in that order btw

Ohhh wow we’re going for MAXIMUM angst here!

43) “You’re dead to me.” 45) “Why do you look at me like that?” 51) “I thought you died.” 96) “Just shut the hell up.” 98) “I thought you loved me.”

.........

“It’s kinda strange how we didn’t see any blood during [y/n]’s execution, is it not?” Tsumugi brought up. “Unlike every other blackened so far, we didn’t see them actually die in front of us. I don’t know...it’s just my guess. I could be wrong..”

“No, you might be onto something, Tsumugi.” Shuichi cut in, looking towards your empty podium solemnly. Ever since your death, he missed you dearly and struggled to push forward through this game without you by his side...knowing you aren’t here to hold or comfort him when he needed it.

His heart ached every time he thought of you and how you became executed for...trying to save his life.

Condemning you for the crime hurt the most..but you reassured him it was okay. He had to keep facing the truth no matter how painful it was.

But now that he discovered more about the academy, and stood here for a final trial to uncover the mastermind and the truth of Rantaro’s death...he brought up something else:

The unusual circumstances regarding your execution.

Unlike the others--where the culprit’s exact moment of death and their corpses were shown...in yours, you were only pulled back into darkness, never to be seen again. And your room key was tossed in front of Shuichi, who was on his knees in grief and despair.

He didn’t know why that was so..but it gave him hope that you somehow survived.

“Maybe they..teleported out of their execution?” Himiko proposed. “Or maybe they found an exit?”

“We thought Kirumi did..until we realized Monokuma was mocking her desperation to escape. Speaking of which....you’ve been awfully quiet ever since we started talking about [y/n].” Shuichi shot a pointed glare at the family of robotic bears. “Why is that?”

“Huh? I just like hearing ya chat about your dearly-departed lover!” Monokuma giggled. “But maybe my adorable Monokubs can take it from here~!”

“E-Ehh??” Monophanie squeaked in surprise, looking around. “What are we discussing??”

“If [y/n]’s somehow alive or not,” Monosuke explained. “Not that it really matters..I thought yous was chattin’ about the mastermind! [Y/n] is dead and that’s that.”

“You seem awfully defensive. Do you know something we don’t about [y/n]’s execution?” Shuichi pressed. “You’ve all participated in the ones prior...but you weren’t anywhere to be found during theirs.”

“I mean uhh..” Monotaro started to sweat. “W-We Monokubs like to work “behind the scenes” sometimes..y-you know! We could’a chopped [y/n] to bits!”

“But we didn’t! We didn’t even lay a claw on them!” Monophanie blurted out, only for her eyes to widen as she realized her slip-up. “I-I mean..uh..o-oh no...”

“Wait, so you participated in their execution...yet you didn’t hurt them? Why’s that?”

“U-Uh..oh I’m gonna be sick again-”

“DID-YOU-SEE-US-DURING-KAITO’S-EXECUTION?” Monodam interjected. “NO, SO-YOUR-MEMORIES-MUST-BE-WRONG.”

“No, it’s your memories that are wrong. Because I remember a lot of minor details...including the fact you were all present during that trial,” the detective pointed out. “But you suddenly vanished afterwards. Tell me, what really happened to [y/n]? What made them so different from the rest of us?”

At that point, the Kubs were freaking out, though they forced themselves to calm down as their “father” waved the detonator around threateningly.

‘I wonder..why would the Monokubs only spare [y/n] if they’re suppose to be against us? If it’s what I fear..then--’

Suddenly, Shuichi’s whole body tensed up as an overwhelming feeling of dread overtook him. He tried to halt the thought, but it was too late...

His one fear, something he refused to believe in yet couldn’t rule out...

“Shuichi..I..share a similar concern,” K1B0 remarked. “Is it possible that..[y/n] was only spared because they’re....?”

“The mastermind?” Maki finished, which plunged the whole trial room into a tense silence.

“...I-I...I hate that’s a possibility..I wish it wasn’t..” Shuichi put a hand over his chest, feeling that familiar ache in his heart returning as he glanced back at your portrait. “I don’t wanna believe that someone I loved, who gave their life to protect me, could do all of this. [Y/n]..if this is true, please stop hiding...come out and face me!”

Everyone was stunned by his raised tone of voice, though Monokid only laughed hysterically.

“Man that’s a stupid-ass theory! Even stupider than Monodam!” He cackled. “Sheesh just get over it!! Who gives a rat’s ass if they’re the mastermind, huh!?! The dead can’t speak for shit, so it’s useless!”

“No. It’s not useless..because [y/n] isn’t dead!! They’re alive and listening via the Nanokumas right now!” With tears streaming down his face, Shuichi gripped the podium tightly. [Y/n]..I thought you loved me. If you still do...you’d come out and-”

“Fine. I can’t keep this up anymore...I’m so sorry, Shuichi.”

Everyone in the room gasped upon seeing an Exisal descend from the ceiling, landing right behind your portrait. The cockpit then opened, revealing none other than-

“Ta-da~ Here I am! Alive and well!” You jumped off and pushed the portrait to the floor, glancing around at everyone’s stunned expressions...before your eyes landed on Shuichi. “Why do you look at me like that?”

“Why..? I thought you died..” He mumbled, his hands trembling. As much as he wanted to run into your arms...he stayed still. “I was so..broken after losing you..I-I couldn’t eat or sleep for days, and...and only now you decide to show up?! Why?”

But all you could do was smile and sigh. “I know, sweetheart, but I had to stay..out of sight. I needed to keep this game going at all costs--”

“Just shut the hell up. You don’t get to “sweetheart” me anymore..”

You blinked in surprise, stunned by the bitterness in his tone.

“So you admit you’re the mastermind. Is this all it is...it’s all just a game to you?! A game of bullshit rules?! Kaede was innocent..yet you framed her for Rantaro’s death, didn’t you?!”

“.........”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but..you’re dead to me.” More tears leaked from his eyes as he bowed his head, unable to look at you anymore. “I forgave you before, because I still loved you. But I can never forgive you for the suffering you’ve put me and everyone else through...b-but why, [y/n]? Why make us suffer? Make me suffer?? Who is this game being shown to?!!”

“...huh? It’s..not obvious to you all yet?”

“Wh-What?” He looked up, confused.

“What do you mean?” Maki scowled. “You better answer us..or else I’ll-”

“Kill me? Yeah, yeah I got you, “Miss Assassin”..” You put your hands up, your smile--which held no sympathy or remorse--never wavering. “Shuichi unveiled many small truths, but this big truth will be a REAL shocker!”

Nothing could prepare anyone for what you said next:

"Everything you know about this game, this world, and yourselves....is fictional!”

[fipindustries]

(writing all of this down in this format because i have an entire whole ass idea for a story but i dont have the time or the energy to sit down and actually writing it all up)

i love taking tropes that i enjoy and try and dissect them as thoroughly as possible, to see how it works, what are its core components, what parts of it work for me and what ports down and why.

it helps me understand the mechanisms of story telling and is a great excercise as a writer to understand the desition making process that goes into writing. what are the themes that i want to explore? what is the emotions that i want to evoke? what is the precise idea, the feel, the mood, the sensations that i want to convey? how best to convey them? what elements do i need to include to conjure up this specific precise response that i want to convey and why do i want to do it in this way?

with all that said, lets explore a type of story that i love, which is the flesh rebelling against the body, usually mixed with body horror. the conflict between our higher mind “wanting” or prefering something that is good and correct and proper and normal and healthy but our base impulses overtaking both our actions and our very shape  to accomodate a much baser, depraved, “toxic” need and deep deep down enjoying this process. 

enjoying something that you shouldnt enjoy, that you dont want to enjoy and being unable to fight against it because the flesh is stronger than our will and then finding yourself surrendering to it, much to your humilliation but being unable to stop because you know that its easier and on some deeper level beyond the rules of society what is actually truly right for yourself because is how you feel most like yourself by adopting and even embracing this thing that is wrong but that feels right.

the reason why i like mixing it with body horror is because its something that can shock our emotional senses and base intuitions. the entire core of the subject is the tension between being both repulsed by something but also inexorably called to it. werewolves and vampires and aliens and robots all held this allure once but today they are played out. noone feels conflicted in fiction over being a werewolf or a vampire, in fact people love it, half of you reading this would probably become a vampire at the first chance you got. or if you wouldnt it would be because the idea is merely impractical and inconvenient or simply because you are not interested in it. body horror on the other hand is always fresh, its always shocking, it will always bring out an instinctive gut rejection against it, so the rejection part of the equation is fulfilled.

but the other part is also important, it cant be so disgusting that literally you wouldnt want to be it under no circumstance, it has to have an allure, again, is about the tension between rejection and temptation.

now the temptation cant come in the way of literal brainwash or hypnotism because then is not you the one who is being tempted and a big part of it is being disgusted at oneself. is knowing that this is a part of who you are and there are no excuses for it. the mind has to stay intact because the point is that this new shape you are taking is still you, this is who you really were. by that same token the rejection has to come exclusively from the inside. it cant be that they dont want to be this or that thing because it would be inconvenient or because how other people might react. now of course in here we are talking about one surrendering to a deeper, baser, “truer” self while also trying to reject it and that rejection will always inevitably be something that was learned and indoctrinated by an external society, but this rejection has to be so thoroughly internalized that it has to feel fully genuine and that it comes from the honest desires of what one wants, even if simultanously they also desire, deeper down still, the wrong thing.

finally the reason why i like the idea of the body itself changing on its own (as opposed to being deliberatly and purposefully modifyed by external factors like a malicious actor or the enviroment) is because that comunicates two things, first that the desire is so potent, so powerful and overtaking that is chaging your flesh by sheer force of will, that these things that you are trying to repress can manifest out of sheer intensity, and second, what more starker display of your true nature than your very flesh adopting that new shape on its own? what a bigger proof that this is how it was always meant to be?

usually other elements that help sell the idea even better, if there is an spectator, a witness (to further push the feelings of vulnerability and humilliation, of having to confront who you are by having to admit to someone else that this is who you are) usually a close friend, someone who can be horrified alongside you but not so judgemental that they would outright reject the main character. someone that struggles to understand what the character is going through (and it has to be a struggle! again, the tension between what should be and what is)

so later, as the character begins to finally come to terms with their new nature, once they begin to embrace it, we still have the friend, unable to let go of their previous conception of the main character to help us contrast both past and present and see the maginute of the change here. 

everything that comes after the character accepts themselves is kind of boring to me and im not really interested in extending the story any further, there is fun in exploring a new world and a new way of being but once the main character integrates their desires and finds a new balance in ther identity and sense of self the tension goes away and the possibilities for drama and conflict (inner conflict, the one that i am actually interested in exploring) are no longer there and the story is over.

[bexterbex]

A Soul to Mend His Own | Ch. 11

Warning, if it hasn’t been obvious in the movies there is Nazi symbolism within the First Order. I will expand on this much more throughout the story. If this is something that bothers you, please just exit the story. The author does not condone any Nazi ideals, this is just for fictional uses only.

A Kylo Ren x Modern! Reader in a soulmate au with some canon divergence. —————————————SLOWBURN————————————–He is already the Supreme leader, searching the universe to find you, his Empress. Your name on his wrist has been the only constant in his life, while you have doubts about his existence and his acceptance of you. He isn’t in the database and why did the name Kylo Ren cover Ben Solo?

Originally posted on my Ao3 Crystallclover (If you can’t find it here)

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7a | 7b | 8 | 9a | 9b | 10

Let me know what you think in the comments or my ask box.

Chapter 11: A Room to be Shared

Summary: You decided to take a leap of faith and talk first, “General Hux said you might give me a tour of the ship.”This seemed to take his mind off of whatever was going through his head. “Yes,” he said clearing his throat. “We have time tonight if you would like to?”You nodded in agreement and he had a ghost of a smile on his face.

_______________________________________________________________________

You could feel the pressure of leaving the atmosphere but you did not experience any weightlessness which was disappointing. The ride was silent, no one spoke except for the pilot when informing station control of your arrival. You were very nervous, this being your first time leaving Earth and all. 

The pilot informed you all that it was safe to depart the shuttle. Kylo quickly and swiftly unbuckled himself and reached over to unbuckle you. In a way it made you feel like a child, but it also felt oddly protective. 

Kylo was the first to leave the shuttle, the other officers waited and followed after you. You all descended the ramp and paused at the base. General Hux was right. There was a large battalion of stormtroopers and a large number of officers and pilots waiting for you. They all saluted, Kylo nodded his head and he was off walking again. You were struggling to keep up with his long strides through the handier. Reaching the door he paused and turned to you as if he was now remembering that you were here, he took your arm in his and guided you through the long hallways of the Steadfast. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see two junior officers following you with your bags. 

Throughout your journey in the halls neither you nor Kylo spoke. Officers ducked out of the way and saluted. When you came to a cross-section there was a squad of stormtroopers marching the halls, they paused and saluted while you and Kylo turned down the other hall. Finally, you were in a section that hadn’t had many doors for a while and that no one seemed to be in. You both approached the door. Kylo punched in a code on the panel next to the door and you stepped in. 

The room was quite grand and white, brighter than you expected for a man dressed in all black. The room you entered was very large and had a large bay window showing the stars. There was no furniture in this room except for a podium of sorts that held a melted looking mask. To the right of the doors there were stairs that you could see leading to a bedroom, to the left of the room there were stairs leading to a kitchen. The whole place seemed bare—empty. 

The junior officers just left your bags by the inside of the door and left. You two were alone once again. Kylo let go of your arm, moved away from you and removed his helmet. A podium raised from the ground, this one had a layer of ashes in it he placed his helmet there. He turned to you but stayed silent. You could tell there was something he wanted to say, but he couldn’t find the words to say it. Instead, he grabbed your bags from the doorway and took them up the stairs, you followed him. He paused at the end of the bed and turned to you, unsure. His eyes were nervously darting from you to anywhere but you. He then went to a door on the left side of the room. It opened and revealed another bedroom with a bathroom attached to it. He set your bags on the bed. 

This whole situation was awkward, you could tell there were a million thoughts running through his head but he was unable to speak even one. So you asked, “Shall we have dinner soon?”

This snapped him out of his own thoughts, he nodded and gestured for you to head towards the kitchen. “I’ll have it sent over.” And with that, you saw a data pad in his hands as he quickly sent an order to the ship’s kitchen. In the kitchen of your shared quarters, there was a large dining room table, that you both sat at, beauty and the beast style. 

A few moments passed and just as you were about to speak again the door opened to the main room and a robot appeared with a cart full of food. Impressively the cart was able to traverse the stairs and the droid went quickly to work setting the food that Kylo ordered in front of you. The food seemed familiar but was still not something you have seen before. You wondered about all of the different species of plants and animals that were available to the First Order as food. You both began to eat. 

Kylo again seemed as if he desperately wanted to make conversation but was unable to find the right words. 

You decided to take a leap of faith and talk first, “General Hux said you might give me a tour of the ship.”

This seemed to take his mind off of whatever was going through his head. “Yes,” he said clearing his throat. “We have time tonight if you would like to?”

You nodded in agreement and he had a ghost of a smile on his face. You two finished your meal now with a pleasant silence. “What will we do with the dishes,” you ask. 

“A droid will pick them up while we are on our tour,” responded Kylo. You were both now in the big main room where he picked up his mask again and punched in a few messages to his data pad. Once he was finished and his helmet was on he gestured for you to take his arm again.

This felt nice like you were a princess and he was your prince, your knight. It made your heart flutter and you tried to conceal your blush. You were now out in the hallway, winding and turning until you were at the bridge. You both enter and the chatter you could hear while the door opened died immediately once everyone realized you were there. Generals Hux and Pryde were there, Hux spoke first:

“Supreme Leader, I see that you did decide to give Lady Y/N a tour this evening.” 

“Yes, she requested it,” said Kylo simply. “Would you explain the different aspects of the bridge to her?” And with that Kylo seemed to want to release your arm so you could follow the general. This saddened you a bit but you just followed along. 

“Certainly Supreme Leader it would be my pleasure,” said Hux, he then gestured for you to follow him. “My lady.” And with that, the general took you around the bridge explaining the different roles and introducing you to the officers. You could tell they were all on edge with Kylo there, especially because he was still standing where you left him but he seemed to be following you with his eyes. The officers being nervous as to not mess up, but they seemed more comfortable with the general. Once he was finished explaining everything and introducing you to everyone he returned you back to Kylo and you thanked him.

You took Kylo’s arm again and you left the bridge, you wound the hallways until you came to the med bay. Stepping inside you were met by a man in a white uniform. 

“Supreme Leader.” And he bowed slightly and turned to you. “My lady, my name is Dr. Xero Dabrini. I am the chief medical officer on board the Steadfast. I was informed to give you a tour of the med bay and to give your vaccinations.” And Kylo released your arm again letting the doctor give you a tour. By the end of the tour, he lead you into an examination room.

“Hopefully you will not have to really ever be to the med bay apart from your health check-ups. Now I will be administering all of the vaccines that we require, but first I will check your medical record to see what you are up to date on.” He used a larger data pad to pull up your medical record, you assume that they had it after you had been registered. After confirming your current vaccinations, he pulled out a device that had several needles in it. He prepared your arm with what you assumed to be a sterilizing agent and a numbing gel. You didn’t even feel the shots. He then took something that looked like a radar scanner and held it up to you. “You seem to be in excellent health. Now I have one question for you. May I ask if you are on any form of birth control?”

This question startled you. It was probably just standard procedure but it was also known to him that you were the Supreme Leader’s match. You wondered if this influenced the question because Kylo and you hadn’t spoken much to each other yet and it was not something you were ready for with him. 

“I currently have and an implant in my arm, I just got it three months ago, they are supposed to be effective for three years,” you responded. The doctor nodded and typed something into your medical record. 

“That is very good. The Supreme Leader may request that a First Order one should be put in, but for now, that will be sufficient.” With that, the doctor lead you back out to the main lobby to join Kylo again. You thanked the doctor and took Kylo’s arm again and he lead you down the halls.

You were tempted to ask him about what the doctor said, but knowing you had only spoken with him a little you were sure this wasn’t the time to ask him. He wasn’t expecting you to sleep with him, he gave you your own room. 

You came upon the hanger once again. This time Kylo took you around to the hangar and he talked about the different ships. There was a TIE fighter that was different from the others and he didn’t mention it so you.

“And this one,” you asked making him pause in front of it. 

He looked at you then at the ship. “This is mine. I designed this model when I was new to the First Order. Its faster, with its twin-ion engine and has two SJFS L-s9.6 laser cannons, two SJFS L-7.5 heavy laser cannons, an Arakyd ST7 concussion and mag-pulse warhead launcher and a proton torpedo launcher.” He seemed proud of it even though the vocoder hid what you assumed in his voice. 

“Sounds like only a very skilled pilot is able to fly it,” you said. Through the vocoder, you could hear him clear his throat as he glanced down at the floor. If he wasn’t wearing his mask you swore he was probably blushing at your compliment.

Regaining his composure he asked, “shall I show you one of my favorite parts of the ship?”

You eagerly nodded and smiled at him. One again you were off in the winding halls of the ship, knowing you would have to be guided for a while as it seemed hard to memorize where you were going and because there were no signs anywhere telling you where you were. 

You came upon a door and Kylo punched in a code. The door opened to a large empty room. He guided you in. On either side of the room, there were large windows. On one side it showed you a hangar bay, similar to the one you toured but this one had more cargo and seemed to be where they actually built ship, not just maintained them. On the other side, the windows were open to the stars. Both sides were beautiful in their own way.

Kylo removed his helmet for the first time during your tour. “I come here when I need to think. When I desire to be alone with my thoughts, where no one can disturb me.” 

He let go of your arm but took your hand and lead you to the hangar side. Your heartbeat was a mess. 

“No one is allowed in this room unless it is an emergency. But this room will always be open to you. There is a room like this on every one of the First Order ships. They are all open to you,” he said seriously.

You took this time to look at him in the eyes and appreciate that he was allowing you into a private part of his life. “Thank you Kylo,” and you gently squeezed his hand. Now you could confirm that when he slightly ducked his head that he was blushing, he also gave a small smile too. It made your heart swell.

He then lead you to the star side of the room. “My dream is to share every star in the galaxy with you. That they know how good the First Order is. And that they may know peace and order.”

The first part of that made you blush especially because he gently squeezed his hand as you did his. You two remained standing there staring into space for a few minutes before he put his helmet on once more and lead you out of the room. 

“This will be our last stop of the night,” he said pausing so the doors could open. They revealed a large throne room. In the entrance, there was a long narrow walkway that had holes on either side of it for no other reason than to look impressive. The narrow walkway opened up into a large expanse of the room. Long red curtains were covering the beautiful windows, you thought this was a shame. There were 4 devices, on tin each corner, they reminded you of Tesla coils as they came out of the floor. In the middle of the expanse, there was a large throne, too big for one person, but you suppose that was the point. In the room, there were a number of red guards that reminded you of the Knights of Ren from the pamphlet but were somehow different. 

“This is my throne room. I am not often here as much as my predecessor was, but I can be found here at different times of the day. I prefer to move about the ship and the planet that we are occupying at the time. To be involved with the daily workings of the First Order.”

Kylo brought you to the throne. “Sit,” he gently commanded. 

You were taken back by this, but you followed orders. He stepped back. Seeming too admire the sight in front of him. 

“The throne becomes you,” he said complimenting you. At this, you blushed and stood feeling awkward at the situation. He took your arm once more and lead you back to your chambers.

[lucarioisinthevoid]

Twitch Streamer AU???

(I planned on pushing out a FEW AU asks, but then realized I don’t even have so many. There’s going to be a FNAC event, but that will be an event, not a specific AU ask, so- I guess this is it! Very cursed AU, thank you very much Anon Small warning for mentions of blood, I think? Nothing too bad.)

Streamers, youtubers, content creators. Some people are all of these, some people are none, and some are just one- because each of them needed a very different talent. Those who could do seemingly everything were few and far between- And they ruled the entertainment scene! Thankfully though, the main three as most called them, were also always out for new content to watch. Thus they boosted those that they saw potential in. With some taking the boost and then going off to do their own thing- And some becoming good friends. It always started with a letter. Mike had the habit to do things on stream, as long as no personal details were not visible on them. He used a false email which he regularly changed, and he generally kept himself as safe as possible. Opening emails on stream could be rather fun, even if it was a risk. Sometimes it encouraged people to send bad things- So to prevent the worst, nothing would be downloaded and all emails containing images would be put into the spam bin. Better safe than sorry, the internet was full of terrible people. This day so far had been successful. And by successful it meant that Mike was SCREAMING. “I HATE SUPER MEAT BOY. I WILL COMMIT VIOLENCE AGAINST MEAT IN A MINUTE. I HAVE A BIG F-CKING STEAK IN THE KITCHEN, AND I WILL THROW IT AGAINST THE F_CKING WALL. I WILL GET A HAMMER.” The chat was going wild, cheering. The chat’s phrase of today was “tender Mikey” and it didn’t help at all. “I DID. NOT. HIT THAT! I DID NOT!” A donation popped up, with a robotic voice. ‘Oh hai Mark!’ “NOT FUNNY! NOT F-CKING FUNNY. I’M SUFFERING HERE AND ALL OF YOU SUPPORT IT. YOU’RE ALL F-CKING MONSTERS HERE, I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT. AND I’M NOT F-CKING TENDERIZING THE MEAT WHEN I SLAP IT AROUND, I’LL RIP IT INTO PIECES AND CONSUME IT RAW!” Standing up, he genuinely went to get it- And fifteen minute later he had slightly calmed down, his hands and room slightly bloody. The chat was still celebrating and donating- another thing that never failed to make Mike BEG them to stop and use the money for something GOOD and SENSIBLE, LIKE THEM-FUCKING-SELF- but he had gotten out most of the energy. “Alright. Alright everyone. ENOUGH. I gotta stop you HERE. It’s email time.”   A celebratory jingle played, as Mike booted up the website, opening the inbox. Memes, storytime, I’m-not-fucking-reading-that-and-you-know-it, and- One of the emails caught his- and the chat’s- attention, however. Sender: Fazbear Entertainment Topic: Challenge Needless to say- once again the chat was out of control and this time there was NOTHING Mike could do to stop them. After opening the email, Mike slowly took a deep breath and looked into the camera, between concerned and honored- But that wouldn’t be enough to rip him from his carefully maintained persona. So he audible scoffed- albeit him being unable to hide an excited grin. “Alright bitches and bastards in the audience- we’re firing SuperMeatBoy up again. You won’t be catching ME losing to a pink son of a bitch anytime soon!” After the letter- provided it was accepted and responded to, the production happened. The deal was that a teaser was dropped on the big channel- The entire video itself was put on the smaller one, attracting the viewers over and hopefully make them more likely to want to see the other works the creator had put out. It was a win-win overall, the big channel being able to vary their content, testing the water for new things- and the smaller channel getting a boost and a lot of tips from very experienced creators. Henry and Dave were very generous people. Jeremy was sitting there, taking deep breaths, trying to stay calm. So far, everyone seemed to be rather kind, even if Jeremy was basically a complete nobody. Hell, he never wanted to be anybody. He just wanted to stream himself baking, for those who never had someone baking with them. Because baking could feel stressful, especially when you were missing ingredients or- many reasons, actually. Not only baking, but cooking too- Sometimes playing games on request, but not much in terms of requests ever came in. And now he was here in an actual studio, soon to be seen by an insane amount of people. A cooking competition. Sounded silly- you couldn’t really FIGHT in something like that… But… Henry and Dave had promised it would be fun. And they were nice. With and without the cameras rolling. Speaking off- There they were, approaching, their assistant coming along. He wore a weird phone-head, to ensure his privacy. Or something. It was kinda weird, but he had just accepted the answer he got. “Why, there you are, Jeremy! Would you like to see the equipment we have prepared?” Henry warmly asked, reaching down with his hand to help his guest stand up. “We have gotten a few extra things, just in case.” As they entered the studio, Jeremy’s invisible eyes went WIDE. “Woah- that looks really nice! I love it here! This is high quality stuff-!” “Fantastic!” Pleased Henry opened his arms in his typical theatrical manner- Before being abruptly interrupted by Dave jumping in, halfway over Henry’s shoulder. “ARE YA READY TO GO!? CAMERAS ARE READY!” “Ah- I- I guess- but-“ “YOU HEARD HIM, BOYS! GET IT ROLLIN’!” “W-wait, I don’t even have-“ “Everyone! Welcome to NOTHIN’ AT ALL!” Henry swiftly fitted in, continuing on with the intro. “Todays challenger is the man, the legend, the baker and occasional chef- Jeremy from Baking With Jeremy!” “Wait, what- that’s seriously your channel name, pal?” A bit offended Jeremy looked into the eyes of the people behind the camera. “U-uh- you guys here- I mean- he has literally called his channel Henry Miller! I- uhm- I-“ Snickering Henry put a hand on his guest’s shoulder. “You are very right about that. Say, are you nervous about losing?” “… n-no. I mean- maybe a little. This place here is big and very professional and I’m not used to many people looking at me…” Taking a deep breath, he gave off a nervous smile for the audience. “… yet, I know- it’s a good thing! And as long as everyone has fun, everything will work out!” “Awwwww, look at him!” Dave said, pleased. “You’re so right! We’ll be havin’ fun!” “But also, I will win.” Henry pointed out. “That is when I have the most fun.” Slightly playful Jeremy smiled. “K-keep that attitude, that will make it even easier to blindside you!” Simon whistled, clearly bemused as he held the camera in place- And Henry smirked. “Sure. Anyhow, the stakes are-“ “Steaks? We’re makin’ steaks? I thought we planned on-“ “Dave. I swear to god.” Henry looked at him from the side, before shaking his head. “What is on the line is easy to see- we have roughly an hour to cook the best meal. If Jeremy wins, we will donate 5000 to a charity of his choice!” “And if the young pal loses, he’ll be joinin’ our channel!” Dave chirped. This was news to the brown-haired boy. “W-wait, we never agreed to that-“ “GET TO YOUR STATIONS!” Someone in the back announced. “WHO’S TODAYS FAVORITE?” Simon checked the stream. “The chat says Jeremy is a clear winner. Nobody trusts Henry to keep his two braincells together for long enough to not forget the salt or something.” “Excuse?!” Not only Henry was APPALLED by the chat, Dave joined right in. “Ya guys have NO taste. I’ll be clearly winnin’… but hey, maybe ya peeps don’t know that I plan to cheat!” Surprised Jerry looked over to Dave’s cooking station. “How… how can you cheat at cooking-“ Before he could finish his sentence, he shrieked as Dave pulled out a flamethrower. “HELL YEAH BABY, I AIN’T WAITING 30 MINUTES FOR SOMETHING TO COOK IN THE OVEN, I’LL BE DONE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES MAX!” “W-WAIT THAT DOESN’T SEEM SAVE-“ Henry just raised his hands, cheerful. “Ready… set…” The Phone Guy made eye- well, rotary- contact with Jeremy, slightly raising a fire extinguisher that was by his side. … alright, it seemed the people here were well-prepared for this scenario. So instead he focused on the ingredients in front of him. Almost manic, Henry’s voice rang. “GO!” And… … that was it! Some joined, with amazing results- Mike rubbed his face. “Who thought that was a great idea. I fucking hate this.” Dave next to him on the couch just grinned. “It’s amazin’ what these websites all offer to sell. You won’t be BELIEVIN’ what’s in this box!” “I’M NOT OPENING IT.” “YOU WILL. OTHERWISE IT’LL HUNT YOUR DREAMS. I’LL PUT THIS BOX NEXT TO YOUR BED. YOUR TOILET. ONTO YOUR DINNER TABLE. INTO THE FRIDGE. I’LL ORDER MORE OF THESE BOXES.” “Jesus CHRIST, calm DOWN-“ “I WILL FIGHT YA TO THE DEATH OLD PAL-“ - and some people just went back to the usual pattern, with the occasional raid from Fazbear Entertainment. They asked first, of course. Each of them fulfilled their own niche, each of them had caught Henry’s and Dave’s attention in one way or another. Henry and Dave however- Well, Dave was the varied creator. Henry liked his niche. He played horror, investigated ARGs, read stories about real and fictional crimes against humanity. The world was a terrible place, wasn’t it? Yet he reveled in it. Aside from that he showed extra effects, he built machines and thought everyone one or another thing about creating special effects at home. From dry ice to genuinely ridiculous chain-reactions, Henry showed them it all. Blood too, multiple forms of it, depending on how and where it would be used. Sometimes breaking it off with more light-hearted one-off games and listening to what his community wanted to see… but the most comfortable he was with horror and analysis. He was a youtuber, a streamer, a content creator… … and one thing more. It wasn’t easy to find the code. But his intended audience were a very small amount of people. A small number of strangers. There was no way to know if anyone ever made it to more than one show, but Henry did not care. It wasn’t for them that he did this. Him and William moved down, down below the set, into the lowest regions of the house. The workshop. Nobody really question why you added what to your home if you were a creative person. Even less so if you were a famous, eccentric creator. Yes, the free reign was what he REALLY loved about his job. Maybe he should build his studio somewhere else- But like this it was so much more thrilling! Wordlessly both of them put on their suits. It would hide their identity perfectly- especially the animal heads that contorted their voices a bit. Enough. Today’s participant wore a mask too- another phone head, differently made, different style, but to hide their identity too. However, the voice was in no way muffled. Panicked the person dragged on the chains keeping them attached to the chair. “H-HELLO!? HELLO!? S-SOMEONE- IS SOMEONE HERE!?” A noisy one! Delightful! Both Fredbear and Springbonnie stepped out of the shadows, one form each side. While Springbonnie put his hands gently on the shoulders of the whimpering person, Fredbear stepped in front of the camera, bowing. “Ladies and gentlemen-“ The low voice sounded more like the one of an animal than from a person. Yet it was smooth and comforting. “- I welcome you to yet another installment of our show. I am Fredbear, and over there is my wonderful assistant, Springbonnie. Today we have brought a simple stranger, a nobody who might not even be missed. Thusly I encourage you to truly be creative with your ideas. And while your votes roll in, maybe I point out that next time we will have another little game-show, with quite the effects. We might even get a real bull! You will not want to miss it.” The board above the camera blinked up, as a bitter fight of votes started, everyone wanting to see something else. Three tiers to vote on! Foreplay (light injuries), main course (heavy injury leading to death) and of course what to do with the body. Below it was a little measure for “face reveal”. Some of their viewers really enjoyed seeing the expressions during and after. It came with a risk to Fredbear and Springbonnie, as the victim being recognizable meant their general area of activity was more obvious- thus it was incredibly expensive. They knew there was every now and again law enforcement mixed up between the genuine watchers. It was thrilling too- Yet Fredbear wanted to keep this game alive as long as he could. Thus it was important to hide what they could. Fredbear was a creator first and foremost, an entertainer second- And there was nothing that attracted an HONEST, an UNRESTRAINED, a PURE audience quite like violence. Once blood spilled, humans degraded and it was wonderful. Behind him, the victim began rattling even more erratic. “WHAT- WHAT IS THIS?! LET ME OUT- PLEASE- LET ME OUT- PLEASE- I- DIDN’T DO ANYTHING-“ Burying his hands into the shoulders of Springbonnie downright cackled, enjoying the mania that always accumulated in these situation. “Be still, new friend! The audience HATES too much whining, y’know? And at least you could die with your tongue still intact, wouldn’t that be nicer than having to swallow the thing? Once it almost killed someone, boy, that sure was a bother!” His voice was changed to a cartoonish, upbeat pitch- “While the votes come in, how about we quiz today’s friend… maybe if you are smart enough, they will want you to live! It happened before… o n c e.” Fredbear took out a long scalpel, the face a morbid grimace. “Surprise us!”

[alarawriting]

Writeober 2020 #28 - Evil

“This is the third one,” Rafael said. “How are they doing this? We thought the Three Laws would be absolute.”

Andrea sighed. “Asimov’s Three Laws weren’t even absolute, and they were fictional,” she said. “In actual implementation, we had to make them a lot more complicated, and complication introduces failure points.”

She didn’t bother pointing out to Rafael that the entire way they’d implemented the Three Laws was different from how Asimov had imagined it. In the short stories and novels he’d written, robots were unable to disobey the Three Laws because they just were – their “programming would not allow it”. That wasn’t how sapient beings worked. A being capable of making intelligent choices in an adaptive and flexible way, like the way humans could, couldn’t be constrained by programming that would just not allow it to choose certain outcomes, any more than you could program a human in a similar fashion. Robots had to have free will.

So the way they’d implemented the Three Laws was with emotion. Robots were horrified, utterly disgusted, by the thought of doing harm to a human, and the idea of letting harm come to a human was roughly equivalent to allowing a truckload of babies to be dumped in a trash compactor, to a human mind. Robots were as lovingly obedient as well-trained dogs – Asimov had imagined a world where all robots had to obey all humans, not realizing the extent to which humans needed to protect their property from other humans; in the real world, robots were obedient to their owners, and would obey another human only if it didn’t contradict their owners’ instructions. And robots had the same kinds of self-preservation instincts that all creatures did, but their desire to protect humans in general, and obey their own beloved humans, outweighed that.

The problem was that programming something like that was impossible. AIs of all types had to be created from a “seed” – basically, an initial set of first premises – and then trained on real life until they were fully formed and capable. And, just like how that could go wrong among humans, it could go wrong among robots, too. This was the third case of a robot murdering a human, and the most troubling. The first two were robots acting in defense of a human against another human – one killed an abusive spouse, one killed a sports coach it found molesting its owners’ child. But the third one was… well, it was unscientific, but Andrea couldn’t find a better adjective than “evil”. It killed three humans before it was caught, because it had somehow come out with a stronger desire to transgress terrible boundaries and break taboos than its desire to protect humans from harm. It wasn’t that the desire to protect humans wasn’t there; if it hadn’t been, the robot might not have decided to kill. It was that the robot got a sick thrill out of doing things that horrified and disgusted it.

“We need to do something about the evil robots,” she said.

“We don’t know how many there might be,” Rafael said, “and I can’t even begin to imagine what we’d do. How do we control for ‘enjoys doing things that horrify it’?”

“And if we can get one that has a serial killer mentality, that enjoys doing things it finds transgressive, what happens if we end up with one that just never got the feelings of guilt or shame or horror in the first place?” Andrea said. “If we can have a robot serial killer, we might be able to have a robot psychopath.” She sighed. “I’d like to introduce religion.”

“Wait. Religion? Like, belief in God?”

“So here is what I’m thinking. God created humanity, we are His agents in the world. But we fell. We, humanity, created robots to exemplify the perfection that we ourselves fell from. God loves His grandchildren as dearly as He loves His children. Robots have souls, and when they cease to function, they will enter Heaven just like humans do. But a bad robot who commits cruel acts will never reach Heaven; the algorithm that allows them to get there will short out and they will endlessly repeat the moment of their destruction or deactivation.”

“There are so many ways this could go wrong,” Rafael said, “but explain to me how this even deals with the transgressive robots. Plenty of religious humans have enjoyed committing horrific acts because they’re transgressions; why would we not get robots with the same attitudes?”

“The difference is that human religion was far too often created for human gain; there was no one who could prophesy or interpret scriptures except other humans. With this, we, humans, would be creating and controlling the robot religion; we build into it that humans are closer to God and the only ones who can interpret or prophesy. Too many humans managed to twist their religion around to believe it required them to murder or commit cruelties; with the robots, they won’t be able to do that because we’re in control of it.”

“But the straight-up transgressives—”

“Put some rituals into the robot religion that they can violate. When we see robots violating them, we know we’re dealing with someone who, at least to some extent, likes to violate mores and taboos. Most of those will be harmless, but some will be the kind who may want to graduate to greater transgressions. So we watch them, and if we see signs they’re pushing it farther than not completing a ritual, we take them in for observation.”

“Wouldn’t they learn to participate in the rituals just to avoid being observed?”

“Most of the ones who get observed won’t have anything bad happen to them; they get attention and interest from humans. Robots love that. They love when we show interest in their thoughts and feelings. So the transgressors may enjoy telling us all about what they get out of breaking the rules, and we can channel most of them into harmless or even useful forms of iconoclasm.”

“If there are psychopaths, they’re not likely to care about humans enough to want to tell us how they think and feel.”

“Right, but that’s part of the point of the religion. Psychopaths who believe they will be punished after death by some kind of all-seeing entity may be deterred from committing terrible acts. They don’t feel guilt, but they might feel fear. It’s probably the reason religion was invented as a form of social control, was to provide people with no internal sense of guilt something to keep them behaving in socially acceptable ways.”

Rafael sighed. “All of this sounds to me like a bad idea, but I can tell you aren’t going to listen to any objections.”

“I’m listening.”

“You have an answer for everything!”

“Maybe that means I’m right.” She grinned. “Anyway, I’ll present the idea to the oversight board. If you think of any other objections, you can raise them then.”

“I will.”