#being the host for as long as mikoto seems to have been really really takes it's toll

[blitz0hno]

Nowhere to be Found - How MeMe emphasizes the Tragedy of Mikoto Kayano

Some thoughts about Mikoto's position as the host of his system and what that means for "his" life.

Mikoto is the host of his system, with severe enough amnesia that he doesn't understand what's happening when he dissociates, or that he even does so. Shots like this in MeMe, where he thinks he is staring at a reflection that moves on its own, while the audience is shown that HE'S the one stuck in the mirror, shows his feelings of losing control.

He IS the reflection. "Mikoto" is who the outside world sees/knows as "him." Since the norm is to be a singlet, the expectation would be for him to have consistent mannerisms and personality. Milgram shows is time and again that Mikoto himself is borderline toxically-positive about his situation in life. His addictions, his exhaustion, and the incredible workload he deals with are "just part of life" as a working adult. Working Adult is his structure, his identity, what he clings to. Professional, polite and always listening/reading the room. This is what he believes will help him achieve his dream.

However, since he has alters, he's not always ABLE to act like that. If he doesn't forget the other alters' actions entirely, he'll feel regret and confusion as to why he didn't present himself like that. And since he has no idea he's a system or how switching works, he's stuck not even knowing how others see him.

He, as the "Mikoto" he wishes to present to the world, disappears without even knowing it.

MeMe, however, gives both the audience and Mikoto himself his true perspective on things. How he knows he's stuck "inside" his mind, but has no clue why.

"I'm nowhere to be found," he says. His idea of "this is 'me,' This is what 'I'm' like and what 'I' like to do" is crumbling completely, as shown by the broken down walls surrounding him. This screenshot shows Mikoto staring down at his cards, about to flip them over; they are literally staring back at him, all laid on the table. This is right before the shot goes red, which I believe symbolizes both his realization at how dire the situation is, and his own self-hating perception growing stronger.

When he says the next few lines, I don't think he's just talking to Es or about Milgram.

I think he's begging his alters to put him back out. Even if he doesn't know it, it's not JUST his life, but the brain can't just accept that. It's dangerous to "just" accept that.

And it's HIS life, right? He knows what he wanted to achieve: his dreams of peace and security.

"I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I'm right." He knows what to do, he doesn't need help; why has he been pushed away? How could his memory be wrong if it's the only stream of memories he knows? He holds up the fool card and smiles so wide, because he thinks he is sure of the path he's on. Or at least, he thought so; the stress of it not being that way gets to him more and more and the final chorus progresses.

I believe "please let me out of here" refers more to the innerworld than to Milgram, although it almost definitely refers to both. When you switch to the degree Mikoto does, and lose time, and can't understand why you can't just do what YOU want, things can feel very desperate. As he flips over his cards, the truth begins to come together. When I first saw this in 2021, I figured Mikoto was smiling because deep down he DOES know what he did, but now that we know more about him it's almost definitely caused by the stress of NOT knowing. He laughs and smiles when he's stressed; Es states that in trial 2.

He truly believes that if he keeps up this literal Front, things will turn out okay. He has no idea how much stress and exhaustion is being "taken care of" for him. That tragedy being he still feels each traumatic thing he goes through and feels the aftershocks, but can't actually say there's a problem because the problem literally feels like it's not a big deal. Since John and likely another alter holds the feelings and memories associated with his pain, Mikoto is able to shoulder the rest and carry on.

As John gets closer to front in these final scenes of MeMe, Mikoto begs HIM (essentially pleading with himself, aka his own fragmented ego state), to make things make sense again.

"please tell me it's a mistake, that it's a lie." As John switches in (shown by the red in his eyes and change of expression), the frantic lyrics highlight how scared of the truth Mikoto really is. Milgram shows us the things he has had in his mind for a good while now. He can't forgive himself if he truly "lost control" like he did.

"I'll forgive you if you tell me now," revealing the death card.

In tarot, death means highly significant change, usually having to do with self-perception and shifting circumstances. Discovering you're a system, as Mikoto is slowly piecing together, is a life-shattering change. It recontextualizes everything you know about what you remember and who you are as a person. Mikoto's frantic distress draws John closer, and in the end, the extraction process is ended by John himself.

John grabs the camera and punches it, ending the MV. Unlike Mikoto, who smiles directly into it at the start of the video, John has his usual flat expression. The main priority here is to get rid of what's causing Mikoto this stress, and to make him forget. This takes away Mikoto's agency and perception of what's around him, leaving him at the mercy of his alternate ego states, and the amnesia walls separating them. That idea in and of itself is terrifying to anyone, which is why DID is sadly the subject of many "horror" genre stories. "Becoming someone else" than who you thought you were turns out to be more nuanced the more you learn about it, but general society's idea of "self" hasn't gotten that far yet.

I also believe this is why Double has so much of John's perspective; the memory extraction machine poses the same threat any other method of revealing memories would. John must "protect" Mikoto from that by explaining his role, over and over begging to be acknowledged by someone who isn't "supposed" to know he exists. For a young man like Mikoto, who has until Milgram spent his life grinding and planning for something better, the revelation of this disorder and the pain he's truly in throws a BIG wrench in his life plans. Mikoto denies John and runs from him, although by now he truly knows he's not "normal" and certainly not healthy. Society sees that and expects that of him though, and so Mikoto HAS to keep pretending, in order to just be "him." To be "professional," "graceful," "popular," etc. is highly rewarded in the capitalist system, and that means killing the parts of oneself that are deemed "bad."

But "hurting it, holding it down, it doesn't change a thing, does it? It's the same anywhere I go. It's like what's wrong ISN'T wrong." Mikoto's lines here, further back in the song, show that even though he denies these parts of himself, his trauma inevitably seeps in, and his own perception of the world slips away in favor of the next fronting alter.

When John says "I think he's trying to disappear" in trial 2's voice drama, I believe it's because Mikoto knows to a degree that his "bad dream" was real. He knows that everything he did and built "doesn't matter" now that he's in Milgram. Might as well let the part of his brain that doesn't care what others think run the show in a place where everyone knows he's "violent."

It's not fair to Mikoto, or to John, or to our favorite mystery character Mido because Mido is implied to at least somewhat know what's happening. Maybe not in an "I'm an alter in a DID system" kinda of way, but in a "I know I have pretty bad amnesia and feel a strong desire to Not Be Myself right now" way (as shown when he's sitting on the couch after cleaning up their body, near the first chorus).

Mikoto, being the host, CANNOT even begin to suspect having DID if he's going to be a working man. But as John pointed out, no matter how much Mikoto pushes down and denies the stress, it would eventually catch up to him. And it did.

Yet he still forgets too much to understand what happened when he snapped. He still has very little idea about his disorder, and his brain will keep up that denial as long as it possibly can. When the truth of his crime comes fully into light, we'll probably see a complete crisis. Mikoto could very well disappear for awhile in trial 3 because of this. Some things, whether he likes it or not, are better processed internally. However, processing via forgetting will never completely heal that kind of wound. It becomes a cycle, and until those memories are accepted as part of him, Mikoto will never feel whole.

And this entire time, Mikoto thought his identity as a working man with a family to support was all he could should and would be; but now, he has no idea what kind of person he is at all. It's going to eat him alive. Can John save him from that? Guess we'll find out.

[archivalofsins]

So uuuh I remembered you mentioning in a Mikoto post how Orekoto seems to refers to Haruka as just "Haruka" whereas boku-Mikoto calls him "Haru-kun". And earlier I was going back through all the Minigrams and in episode 34, Mikoto uses "boku" (僕) AND calls Haruka just "Haruka" so I wanted to know if you had any kind of thoughts on this because atp I'm just lost 😭

The explanations I can think about are : 1) the two alters were co-fronting so the two alters ways of talking mesh together 2) Orekoto just has had an influence on Mikoto as a whole and now Mikoto also adresses Haruka as "Haruka" in general instead of "Haru-kun" 3) it's actually Orekoto fronting but he's"masking" by taking on the host's manners

I guess it's not that big of a deal but it still bugged me slightly and since first heard of Mikoto's alter showing up in Minigram through your blog I thought I'd ask

Yeah, I re-blogged something recently that brings up that idea it's not the first thing to though. Many people have pointed it out over the course of Milgram. I'm assuming the post you're referencing is this one here.

To keep a long story short like you said in your follow up ask I did not write that I just re-blogged it from someone else.

Edit: I have since taken down that reblog and as such have linked to the original post above instead. I prefer not being asked why I did that. (I've also edited this again to fix formatting and spelling errors. 08/22/23)

Again, I'm assuming what you're referring to is this part,

There are other verbal differences between how Mikoto and the other one speaks. Mikoto proper referring to Haruka as Haru-kun is one of the more obvious ones.

We see this illustrated throughout the portal timeline repeatedly,

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It's been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I'm fine. Are you doing ok......?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

Mikoto is also the one shown and stated to be the one who gives other people nicknames. He is shown doing so off the bat with Mahiru.

20/05/25

Mikoto: ……I’ve really got caught up in some trouble, huh. What even is this place? It’s probably a TV reality show or something. ……but to think someone in this day and age would try to do a project that could land them in so much trouble. Uh……

Mahiru: Ah…… I’m Shina Mahiru! You can just call me Mahiru. And you are……?

Mikoto: Kayano Mikoto. I’m fine with just Mikoto too. Ahh, I’m glad there’s someone here who’s easy to talk to…… It’s nice to meet you, Mappy.

Mahiru: ………… ……Mappy???

He's also the one to refer to the prisoners by nickname in his first trial Interrogation.

"See? Like, Yun-chan and Mucchan, are just high school girls, Haru-kun looks like someone who can't hurt a fly, and Futa would be an umbrella thief at worst."

And states this when asked about it during his first trial interrogation,

Q.09 Why do you give everyone nicknames?

Mikoto: I guess it became a habit when I was at university. Having a nickname for someone that only you call them comes with a lot of advantages, do recommend.

Even though it seems to follow the rules stated within the other post this is not some hard rule. It is just an observation.

We've seen in Milgram through other prisoners that they can switch up honorifics or not use them at their discretion. Just as people in real life can. For example, Yuno with Mu.

Yuno went from only referring to Mu by her name to using chan over the course of Milgram,

20/06/04

Yuno: Huh, so you go to that high school. So, you are from a rich family then~! I mean, you already gave off that vibe though. What year are you in?

Mu: First year…… Kashiki… san…… you’re older than me, right?

Yuno: Yeah, I’m in third year. But you can just call me Yuno, I don’t really like the stuffy formalities. It doesn’t really matter who’s older and who’s younger. If you squint, we’re basically the same age anyway.

Mu: ……fufu, what’s with that? But ok…… I’ll call you Yuno from now on.

Trial 2

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least?

Haruka: I don’t dislike Amane anymore. I’m not scared of small children now

Yuno: I wonder; the ones that are painful just to watch are Haruka and Mu-chan.

The use of honorifics is highly circumstantial. In Minigram 34 Spoiled,

Mikoto is doing a mock job interview where referring to someone by kun might just be contextually inappropriate or disrespectful for the environment he's attempting to simulate. So, he reasonably drops it.

A lot of the Milgram characters do what many people where I'm from would refer to as code switching. Basically, changing their language to fit the environment. People in general do this a lot in their everyday lives. People who are incapable of doing this or have difficulties doing it can run into social issues.

So, to put it simply given the topic he rightfully wouldn't refer to him as kun. He also doesn't refer to the others by name at all. Something common in job interviews, at least group ones.

The best way to come to a simple conclusion is to ask simple questions.

If they could co-front why would Milgram have any issues restraining the other Mikoto or even be unaware of their presence until after trial one? It is likely that there are other prisoners who have dissociative disorders, and their cases haven't been as difficult as Mikoto's. So, from that we can infer that if Mikoto had a more interconnected system or was even aware of the other then Milgram would have been able to better account for their presence.

The other Mikoto having more of an impact on the usual Mikoto would allude to the progression of time when it has been stated by Yamanaka that the Minigrams take place during trial one only.

A bit of a more accurate translation (still not completely accurate though),

"The minigrams are basically going to remain in the first trial timeline forever. It will remain in a relaxed, relaxed manner. There is a lot going on in the main story, but please rest assured to enjoy it."

Although since you can read the minigrams this is more for my benefit.

Because this is the case we will not be seeing any of the prisoners who have injuries with those injuries within the minigrams. This is perfectly displayed through the state we Mahiru is in within the minigrams in comparison to her state within Milgram currently,

Being able to jump rope despite needing a wheelchair in canon.

Since the minigrams take place during trial one chances are Mikoto is still unaware of the other's presence. It isn't completely impossible for the other's presence to be subconsciously impacting Mikoto, but I personally don't think it would be enough to change his way of speaking. Especially if this is all taking place over the course of trial one.

There are much more definitive ways to tell when the alter is in the minigrams the use of ore is one of them. However, just referring to Haruka as Haruka and not Haru-kun is a bit too skewed by circumstantial and contextual factors for me to consider it a reliable indicator.

Something your question has brought to attention here.

This is why I don't use that as the only indication of which personality is out myself. There are a lot of subtle mannerisms verbal and non-verbal that indicate which one is out currently and who has been out the longest. All these details come together to make Mikoto and his situation far more realistic in my opinion.

[addictedtomanga]

Classic shoujo mangas

1.       Skip Beat – ongoing

Sixteen-year-old Kyouko Mogami followed her childhood friend and love interest Shoutarou "Shou" Fuwa to Tokyo to support him while he works toward his dream of becoming a top idol in the entertainment industry. But after finding out that Shou considers her as little more than a mere housekeeper, she swears to enact revenge by entering the entertainment industry herself and beating him at his own game!

However, Kyouko's revenge plan suffers a setback almost immediately when she is rejected by the talent agency of her choice. Fortunately, the president of the agency gives her a second chance, and places her in the newly made "Love Me" section. Kyouko then begins her long journey to stardom, cultivating her skills as an actress and forming relationships with new friends along the way.

! I always loved this one, but it has really REALLY slow-pacing, and its ongoing, so if you haven’t started it yet, I’d wait ‘til it’s done.

2.       Ouran High School Host Club

At Ouran High School, an academy where only the children of the rich and powerful attend, there exists a club consisting of the most elite of the student body: the legendary Host Club. Within the club's room, six beautiful, bored boys spend their time entertaining equally beautiful and bored girls.

Haruhi Fujioka, a poor scholarship student, has no interest in the Host Club—until she breaks a valuable vase in their clubroom. After being mistaken for a boy, Haruhi is forced by Kyouya Ootori to work for the Host Club to repay her debt. Tamaki Suou, the princely leader of the club, eagerly takes her under his wing to teach her the ways of the host. Things, however, are never quite so simple with the Host Club around. Even the most mundane events can turn into huge spectacles with the likes of prankster twins Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, stoic Takashi Morinozuka, and sweet Mitsukuni "Hunny" Haninozuka. The crazy adventures of the Host Club are just beginning, and Haruhi must learn how to survive in the glitzy world of the hosts.

3.       Kimi ni Todoke

Kuronuma Sawako is completely misunderstood by her classmates. Her timid and sweet demeanor is often mistaken for malicious behavior. This is due to her resemblance to the ghost girl from "The Ring," which has led her peers to give her the nickname Sadako. Longing to make friends and live a normal life, she is naturally drawn to Kazehaya Shouta, the most popular guy in class, whose "100% refreshing" personality earns him great admiration from Sawako. So when Kazehaya starts talking to her, maybe there is hope for the friendships Sawako has always longed for. Maybe...there is even a little hope for some romance in her future.

! A bit too long in my opinion, but its sweet.

4.       Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge

It's a gorgeous, spacious mansion, and four handsome, fifteen-year-old friends are allowed to live in it for free! There's only one condition—that within three years the guys must transform the owner's wallflower niece into a lady befitting the palace in which they all live! How hard can it be?

Enter Sunako Nakahara, the agoraphobic, horror-movie-loving, pockmark-faced, frizzy-haired, fashion-illiterate recluse who tends to break into explosive nosebleeds whenever she sees anyone attractive. This project is going to take more than our four heroes ever expected: it needs a miracle!

! This is super frustrating. I loved everything, except for the ending. Honestly, I don’t recommend reading it with great expectations, just enjoy the story. 

5.       Dengeki Daisy

Teru Kurebayashi is left all alone in the world after the death of her brother, Souichirou. Well, all alone except for "Daisy," someone that she can always talk to and who never hesitates to cheer her up. However, Teru has never met Daisy, she has no idea what he looks like, and her only means of contacting him is through a cell phone that her brother left for her.

In stark contrast to the kind words and encouragement Teru receives from Daisy, she gets nothing but grief from the rude school janitor, Tasuku Kurosaki, who forced Teru to work for him after she accidentally broke a window. But while Kurosaki seems like a lazy good-for-nothing who only enjoys making her miserable, is there more to him than meets the eye?

6.       Kaichou wa Maid-sama

Seika High School was an all-boys school, but it has since turned co-ed. Misaki Ayuzawa is the first female student council president of the school, eventually earning the nickname of the "Demon President" due to her mastery of Aikido and imposed iron rule.

However, Misaki harbors an embarrassing secret—she has to work at a maid café to support her family. If anybody from her school was to find out, her reputation would be utterly destroyed. And after Takumi Usui—the most popular boy at school—discovers her secret, that might just happen.

7.       Special A

Have you ever known someone who was better than you at everything you did? Hikari does. She's known Kei since they were both six years old and he's surpassed her at everything. Now they are the top two students in an extremely prestigious high school, with Kei holding firmly to that number one position, and Hikari is still determined to beat him, no matter what it takes.

8.       Black Bird

Misao Harada has been able to see demons since she was a child and has vague memories of a boy who protected her from these troublesome creatures, vowing to come back for her someday. Now in high school, Misao wishes she could be normal and have a boyfriend. As she returns home one day, she notices a gorgeous stranger has moved in next door. To her surprise, he introduces himself as Kyou, her long-lost childhood friend and first love.

The next day, on her 16th birthday, Misao is suddenly wounded by a classmate. Exposed as a demon, he plans to eat her in order to gain eternal youth. When all hope seems lost, Kyou saves her, revealing himself as the leader of a Tengu clan. Since making Misao his bride will bring prosperity to his clan, he offers her a choice: sleep with him and become his bride, or endure more attacks from other demons drawn to the power of her blood.

! A bit dramatic to my taste, but overall I really liked it

9.     Last Game

Nothing is beyond Naoto Yanagi, heir to the Yanagi business conglomerate. Idolized for his athletic and intellectual competence, looks and wealth, Naoto lived like a king during his elementary school days—then entered Mikoto Kujou, a plain, gloomy-looking transfer student.

Due to her low financial status, Naoto was initially apathetic towards Mikoto. But despite having just arrived at his school, she completely eclipsed him in everything by consistently scoring top marks in exams and placing first in athletic events. After a brief confrontation with her that left him shocked, Naoto vowed to outdo her no matter the cost.

Ten years later, they are now students attending the same college. Having failed to defeat Mikoto throughout middle and high school, Naoto decides they will have one last game: if he can make Mikoto fall in love with him and then break her heart, it will be his victory. However, he finds himself falling in love with her instead...

! One of my favorites! 

I love this one, but beware, its slow-paced

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Ten: High Class ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Hyūga Hiashi, Uchiha Fugaku] [ SasuHina, vulgarity, alcohol ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ AO3 Link ]

She’s always hated gatherings like this. High class shmooze fests of elbow-rubbing and ego-stroking.

No wonder her father loves them.

After all, he’s been on the city council for ten years running, now. There’s no one of importance in this city that he doesn’t know...or at least know of. He keeps tabs on everything, if only because he wants to have a hand in every pot.

Hinata’s not the sort to care about money or power. All she’s ever wanted was a simple, run-of-the-mill life. But Hiashi’s influence and public image meant having to have perfect daughters. And perfect daughters go to private schools and join clubs and run for student council, just like dear ol’ dad.

All she’s ever dreamed about is working in a little floral shop where she can be surrounded by flowers and plants and soil all day long. It doesn’t have to pay well. It doesn’t have to go anywhere. She just wants to pour her heart into her passion.

Why can’t he understand that…?

School, at least, let her join the garden club every Spring. She even took a few horticulture classes. But now that she’s on her way to college this coming Autumn (or...so she’s told), Hiashi is taking a far more commanding role in her education. Business, he advises. Create a career, like he did! Let the money and employment hierarchy take you to great heights!

Psh...yeah right. And become a soul-sucking agent of greed like he is? She’d rather leap off the balcony.

All this she mulls over in silence, standing and hardly listening as Hiashi woos a small gaggle of donors. This particular event is one to help fundraise the local police and other emergency services: firefighters, EMTs, and...whatever else. In all honesty, she hasn’t been paying a lick of attention...because she knows what this all really is. Campaigning, bribing, putting the right people in the right spotlights. It’s not about the fundraiser’s target, it’s about the people who fund it. These do-gooding people putting their money where their mouths are.

...yeah, right. They just want an image boost. They want voters to like them, to like the causes they stand for...all to keep lining their pockets.

“Ah, there he is! One of our men of the hour. Fugaku, how are you?”

Dragging herself from her reverie, Hinata looks up as a group of four people approach. One she knows as the chief of police, Fugaku Uchiha. Someone her father doesn’t always agree with, but does his best to be on good terms with. The police are quintessential, after all. Beside him, all smiles and beauty, is his wife Mikoto. The only genuine person in this room, as far as Hinata is concerned. While this event is catered by those self-serving, she puts on at least one a month that benefits real organizations in their city - not anything politically aligned.

She’s the only reason Hinata has any hope for things like this...and any inclination to follow in one’s footsteps, if they could be hers.

Bringing up the rear are their two sons. The elder by five years, Itachi, is still in college to her knowledge. Admittedly, she doesn’t know his major. They rarely speak beyond the expected pleasant small talk.

The younger, Hinata’s own age, is Sasuke. A bit of am enigma. She knows so little about him, and his cool, aloof attitude means rarely getting any glimpses. The only one he seems to converse with to any real degree at these galas is his brother.

The pair, as far as she knows, are rather close knit.

Rather...unlike the Hyūga sisters. Hanabi isn’t even here.

Giving Hiashi a rugged smile, Fugaku claps him on the back. “Oh, hanging in there. Our city never sleeps, after all...and neither do we.”

“True, very true...but I’m glad you could spare yourself for one night to help herald your cause!”

From there, the two enter a spiel about the police and other city services that - to Hinata’s practiced ear - is so clearly rehearsed it makes her eyes roll as she turns aside. With her father far too absorbed to mind her, she simply excuses herself to get another drink. She’s not yet old enough to have any spirits, but...well, there’s a few plain options to be had. Swiping a soda, she decides to find that balcony she was thinking of earlier.

The summer evening is waning, city lights replacing sun as it sinks behind the horizon. Cool air breezes past her face as she leans against the railing, expression listless. She’d much rather be at home doing...anything else. Maybe trimming some of the potted plants in her room...the sun in her windows the past month or so has seen them explode in size. She might even need to repot some of them soon…

“Hey.”

Startling, she nearly drops her drink of the balcony. “Wh-?!” Heart leaping to her throat, she turns to see...Sasuke? What is he doing out here…?

“Out for some fresh air?”

...he’s just...talking to her. Why? They’ve hardly ever spoken. “I...y-yes, I...I guess so.”

“Was it that...or sparing your ears from the bullshit?”

She blanches a moment at the foul language. “...I beg your pardon?”

“C’mon, I know you could tell. I’ve seen your face at enough of these to know...especially when you think no one’s looking. You hate these things almost as much as I do.”

Still a bit tense, Hinata tries to reestablish her posture. “...they’re not my favorite things, no...great in concept. T-terrible in execution.”

“Glad someone agrees. My brother always just tells me I’m being overdramatic. That it’s just how things work. Like I was born yesterday. Cops’re supposed to uphold the law, and protect their citizenry. Not…” A hand gestures back behind them. “...this. Sitting all pretty and obedient like a dog for anyone that’ll throw money their way like a bone. I hate it…”

“...my father’s the same way. It’s all about money, appearances, i-influence…” Why is she telling him this? “...I just want to have a nice, calm little job...a little apartment...and mind my own business. Not...anything like this.”

“Exactly! I dunno how these people can stand themselves. Cuz I sure can’t.”

Unbidden, she looses a snort, failing to catch it in a palm. That was rude...but… “I don’t know...but it’s unfortunate.”

“Honestly m’tempted to just...leave. My dad won’t even notice until he realizes one of his props is gone.”

...she...never considered that. Just leave? Could they…? “...how m-mad do you think he’d be?”

“I don’t care. I’m tired of this. Tired of drowning in cologne, and hearing all the boasting, and seeing all these gloating faces.”

Hinata mulls that over. “...did you drive here…?”

“Nah, we all rode in together. Doesn’t mean I can’t take a cab, or just go for a walk.” Sasuke gives her a glance. “...feel like tagging along?”

Teeth nibble her lip, glancing back toward her father. He’s still hamming it up with the rest of the Uchiha. She’s going to get in so much trouble for this… “...okay.”

Doing their best to look nonchalant, the pair move to the elevators, taking one down to ground level. From there, they just...walk.

Of course, Hinata’s wearing two inch heels...not a killer, but not fun to take very far, either. They’re right in the middle of downtown, too. “So...where are we going?”

“Anywhere. Feel like doing anything in particular?”

“Um…” Looking around, a Starbucks catches her eye. “...want some coffee?”

“...eh, sure. Why not?”

The pair are...very overdressed for it, and the stares they get only prove it. But they take a table and just sit.

Sipping her mocha frappe, Hinata watches the street through the window. This is...oddly liberating. She’s still a little nervous - she very rarely dares to defy Hiashi, let alone this directly. But still, this is...nice.

“So...you want to head back eventually, or find a way home?”

“Well...m-maybe leaving entirely would be a bit...much.”

Nursing his own drink, Sasuke hums. “...suppose you have a point. We’ll chill here a while, then head back.”

Silence stretches for a moment. “...did you - did you really notice my face, earlier? I mean, my being annoyed?”

“Uh, yeah,” Sasuke replies bluntly, giving a snort. “Not gonna lie, watching you react every time we’re both at one of these things is the one entertainment I find.”

Her cheeks puff. “...glad to know I’m a joke.”

“Nah, not a joke. Just funny. At least you react. I’m so dead inside, I just stand there with a blank look all night.”

It’s Hinata’s turn to snort. “...that’s fair.”

For a time, the pair just...sit and chat. Nothing elaborate or meaningful. Just smalltalk. But it still makes her feel like she can understand him a bit better.

“Well...I think we’d better head back. Auction’s due to start in fifteen. They’ll definitely notice by then.”

“Yeah…” Finished with her drink, Hinata follows as they walk back toward the hosting hotel. “...that was...fun.”

“Wasn’t too bad. Definitely not the worst coffee date I’ve been on.”

Hinata jolts. “D...date?”

“Kinda was, wasn’t it?”

Well...maybe it was. She doesn’t refute it.

“Maybe we can have another sometime without all this hanging over us, huh?”

Is...is he asking her on a date? “...I, um...sure…?”

“Cool.”

...well that was easy.

They ascend back up, finding the party just as they left it. Their fathers have separated, but neither seem aggravated...yet.

“Well, see y’around, Hinata.”

“Yeah, um...you too. Did you…?”

“Hm?”

“Did you want my - my number? For the...for the, uh, date?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” Taking down her digits, he gives a mock salute. “I’ll text you tomorrow.”

“...okay.” A bit...taken aback, she rejoins her father.

“Ah, there you are.”

“Sorry...went for some air.”

“That’s fine - the auction is about to being. Ready?”

“...mhm.”

                                                        .oOo.

     Another late night, blegh.      Just some modern shenanigans. I think I did one...a bit similar to this. It's getting a bit hard to remember at this point, but...hopefully no one recalls or minds xD      But uh...yeah. It's veeery late, so I'm gonna head off for the night. Thanks for reading!

[officerjennie]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Naruto Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Uchiha Itachi/Uchiha Shisui Characters: Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Shisui, Uchiha Kagami, Uchiha Mikoto, Uchiha Fugaku Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, mostly pre-slash, Rating May Change, No Underage Sex, Not promising regular updates Summary:

Snippets of Shisui's life, often revolving around his favorite, albeit rather withdrawn, cousin.

Click the link or continue below the line to read!

Also, I officially have a Ko-Fi (link in header) :)

October came and went, Shisui’s smile waxing and waning with the moon. Even Halloween had little flare, the chill in the air flushing his cheeks red and cracking the skin of his palms.

After November began too soon, he briefly considered making a fuss - but the dark circles under his mom’s eyes gave him pause, and the ever-growing distant look on his father’s face made up his mind.

Instead, Shisui sat in the floor of his room with a few of his old toys around him, quietly celebrating his late birthday with an imaginary too-sweet cake and hand-me-down presents.

His mother startled him awake the next morning with near desperate shaking of his shoulder. “Shisui, you sleep like the dead!” Shisui sat up, barely aware of his mother’s huffing and grumbling as he rubbed at his eyes.

“Kaa-san, it’s Saturday.” He continued to whine as his mother went about his room. She stopped at the toys in his floor, still placed in a semi-circle from his late-night celebration, and tisked before shoving them all into his toy basket.

“Must you leave your floor a wreck? And no, it’s Sunday - come on, Shisui, you need to get dressed.”

He held back a groan, but only barely, as she searched through his clothes for who-knows-what. As she went on mumbling to herself, he turned his head, eyeing his pillow briefly before shrugging and flopping back down. He threw the top of his futon over his head and once again was graced by the blissful warmth and darkness.

When his mother woke him up again, she was practically hissing in anger. She tossed his clothes down on the bed next to him, demanding he put them on quickly before coming down for breakfast.

“And,” she stopped in the doorway, a hand on the doorknob and her eyes narrowed, “do not. Make me come dress you.” She shut his door hard, the frame shaking slightly and leaving the room quiet.

Shisui pouted, fiddling with his night shirt. It was probably best to do as she said. He wasn’t the smartest kid in his class - his no-better-than-average grades would testify to that - but he could tell she was getting angry, and he hated when his mom was angry with him. So he abandoned the warmth and comfort of his futon, this time not bothering to hold back his groan, wondering where they could be going in such a hurry on a Sunday.

He got dressed quickly and headed out to the living room, sticking his legs under the kotatsu as he settled in - it wouldn’t be turned on for at least another month, but it was still warmer underneath the blanket. While he waited for breakfast, he poked at a small hole in his pants, rolling his eyes around the living room in hopes something would catch his attention.

The living room was small. Everything here was smaller - the bathroom, the kitchen, his room. There wasn’t even a balcony here for his mom’s plants like their last place. He remembered she had looked sad giving most of them away when they moved here.

They’d only been here a few months, and Shisui still didn’t like it. There was no upstairs, their neighbors were too loud, and everything felt too tight and too big all at once. Thinking about it for too long made his head and chest hurt.

His mother brought two plates from the kitchen and sat across the kotatsu from him. Leftover curry and rice. He scrunched up his nose but said nothing, picking up his spoon to at least poke at a carrot or two.

She didn’t let him laze around like usual, rushing them both out of the house and ignoring Shisui’s grumbling protests.

“Kaa-san, are we going to the shrine?” They were already walking down the stairs to the train station when he bothered to ask. Every month or so she would drag him to the local shrine. It hadn’t been something they’d done when he was younger, at least as far as he remembered, but it wasn’t like he minded the trips. He liked walking through the gardens, even if his mom often had to scold him for being too loud.

“No, we’re visiting my sister.” The gate beeped as they went through, his mom sticking their train card back in her wallet as they walked down yet another set of stairs.

Shisui frowned, scuffing his feet on the ground as they stopped to wait for the next train. He remembered he had an aunt. Sort of. She had long hair...and she was pale.. And she was at the doctor’s when- “Oh! The one who had akachan?” He’d only seen his baby cousin once, the one with really small hands and fingers and toes. “I forgot his name.”

“Itachi-chan, yes.” His mother had a faint smile on her face, the train blowing her hair even as it slowed in front of them. It was odd, because her eyes looked really sad. “He’s finally home, so I thought we should visit.”

“He wasn’t home? Where was he?”

“Shisui, he was sick, remember?” She smoothed a hand through his hair, keeping it on the back of his head as they entered the train cart and sat down.

“So he’s all better now?” A hand on his knee kept him from kicking his feet, as did a short and sharp look from his mother.

“No. He’s still sick. But Oba-san was a nurse, so she knows how to care for him.”

Shisui couldn’t recall ever visiting his oba-san and oji-san. Their house was a long walk away from the train station, and was an actual house! No apartment complex, it was a separate building from those around it, with its own garden in the back. The whole neighborhood was in private awe with Shisui as he stood staring. His mother was less impressed, shooing him up the walkway to the front door.

The lady who answered the door was a lot warmer than the last time he saw her. Her hair was no longer dull, her skin not sick and wet - there were a lot of lines around her eyes though, and there was something off about her wide smile that Shisui couldn’t quite put his finger on.

They were quickly ushered into the living room - Sakiko making sure to turn Shisui’s shoes at the entry, scolding him quietly as Mikoto, ever the perfect host, immediately brought out a tray of snacks and turned the electric kettle on. There were some snacks Shisui didn’t recognize, and he couldn’t read the kanji on them either. Mikoto noticed him hesistating and handed him one.

“Ringo Otome. They’re famous in Nagano. Fugaku just went on a business trip there. They go beautifully with green tea.”

It took nearly half an hour for Shisui to remember why they were there. He had eaten several of the ringo things, some ice cream mochi, and had started on his second cup of tea. His mother and aunt had been chatting back and forth. Most of the conversation bored Shisui - talk of his uncle, work, medication, uncle’s smoking habits. The last bit seemed to upset his aunt, her pleasant smile vanishing from her face.

“He tries to hide it, but comes home reeking of smoke, Saki.” Mikoto sat her tea cup down, reaching for one of the neatly folded cloth napkins she had placed out for them. Shisui watched as she refolded it, pressing each crease carefully. “It’s bad enough he’s smoking again, but lying to me?”

Shisui peeked up at her from behind his own cup. She was dabbing at the corners of her eyes. They looked full and unhappy, but she laughed and brushed it all away when Sakiko tried to comfort her.

“It’s just a lying husband. It’s not all that bad.”

Shisui scrunched up his eyebrows. He was always told not to lie, and got in big trouble when he did. Especially when he lied to kaa-san. If it hurt Mikoto oba-san so much, why wasn’t she upset? Or was she upset?

He nibbled on another otome. He didn’t really understand his oba-san, but he liked her well enough. And he decidedly did not like his oji-san already.

“...I know it’s hard on him, Saki, but I’m the one taking care of him. I give him his medication. I see what happened - what is happening - to our little boy. And yet he’s the one who’s sneaking around.” Mikoto’s voice got small again, and she looked exhausted, as if mentioning her son brought all the pain she hid to the surface.

Wait, her son...?

“Ita-chan is home, right?” Shisui forgot instantly why he was brought up, excitement bubbling up and causing him to grin wide. “Where is he?” Even knowing he wasn’t in the room couldn’t stop him from whipping his head back and forth, hoping to catch a glimpse of his little cousin.

Mikoto frowned ever so slightly. “He’s in his room resting at-”

“Where’s his room?” Shisui was up in a heartbeat, ready to make a beeline for his cousin. Sweets and tea were nice, but his legs were itchy, and his thoughts got too loud and fast when he had to sit still for so long. Maybe they could play tag? Or build something? Maybe he had video games?

His thoughts were cut short by his aunt’s stern but gentle voice. “Shisui, Itachi is ill. He can’t play like normal boys. He needs to sleep.”

Shisui whined and pouted at that, much to his mother’s embarrassment and horror, but eventually was scolded into sitting quietly as the two women went back to chatting away. He eyed the two warily, plotting his escape.

It turned out his plotting was unnecessary - though he was sad to scrap the great Bathroom plan (pretend he had to pee and wander the house until he found his cousin). His aunt had recently started a tiered herb garden - “I can’t leave Itachi alone,” she explained, a slight pained expression on her face, “and a normal babysitter just can’t handle him” - and insisted on showing Sakiko. To his delight, Shisui was told to stay inside at the kotatsu. He put on his most innocent face, big eyes and smile, and promised not to move an inch.

Mikoto gushed at how cute Saki’s boy was. Sakiko looked unconvinced, but followed her imouto outside anyway.

He jumped up as soon as the backdoor shut behind them. They had passed some stairs on their way in, and he bolted up them now. He tried a few doors in his search, finding a bathroom, a large bedroom, a drab room with a desk and far too many cabinets, until at last he found the right one.

Itachi’s room was larger than his own, but the space didn’t make it as inviting as it should. The whole room seemed cold. There were no pictures on the wall, no toys scattered about. Shisui suddenly remembered where he first met his aunt, in a cold room that smelled so clean it burned his nose. Everything about this room made him want to leave.

Until a big pair of tired eyes caught his own.

Tiny, pale fists wiped at those big eyes, the small boy yawning as he sat up in his bed. He peeked at Shisui curiously, but didn’t make to get up or greet him.

Shisui didn’t know why he expected Itachi to be his age - he puffed out a cheek, upset at himself. Of course his cousin was younger. Of course he was smaller.

Was he supposed to be that small though?

Now, Shisui wasn’t great at a lot of things. He hated numbers, refused to type at computers, and had nearly sprained his ankle the last time he “played” baseball. But he knew he was great at talking to people. He made friends easily, and people loved being around him.

He was told Itachi wasn’t like normal boys, but Shisui wouldn’t let that stop him. He grinned wide at the boy as he plopped right next to him on the bed, earning an even bigger eyed stare than before.

“Hi. i’m Shisui. We’re cousins, but I don’t have any brothers, so call me Shisui-nii, okay?”

The boy blinked his doe eyes at Shisui in response. Shisui looked around the room again, his smile unwavering. “You don’t have any video games, do you?” Blink. “Well, what do you do for fun?” Blink.

Shisui huffed and threw his hands back at the bed, leaning on them. He frowned up at the ceiling for a minute before looking back over at his cousin. “You have toys, don’t you?”

Itachi cocked his head to one side, staring at Shisui for another minute. He didn’t look sad, or happy, or angry, or even tired anymore. Shisui scrunched up his nose, studying his little cousin as Itachi did the same with him. Eventually, ever so slowly, the younger boy crawled out from underneath his covers and placed his bare feet on the floor, heading for his closet. Shisui noted his night clothes had little black birds on them, and found it utterly adorable.

Itachi came out of the closet with his arms full. He gingerly placed his findings on the bed, then sat himself in-between Shisui and the stack of books.

He nearly groaned as Itachi carefully looked at each book. “Those aren’t toys. Those are booooorrring.”

Itachi seemed to ignore his whining, carefully picking up his books and studying the covers until he found the right one. With his decision made, he handed it to Shisui and looked up at him, big, quiet eyes and long lashes and too-pale skin.

Shisui looked down at his cousin. He had bandaids on his upper arms, pink with kittens on them. His wrists were so small he looked fragile. “What do you want me to do with this?” He finally looked at the book in his lap, and remembered seeing it somewhere before - it was about a turtle and a cat. One for little kids, too.

“Read to me?”

Shisui blinked down at his little cousin. His voice was small, but he didn’t sound nervous. Just quiet. He nodded slowly, though he wasn’t nearly as reluctant as he made himself out to be. “But just one, I’m too big to read this stuff.”

Itachi’s smile wasn’t big like Shisui’s. It was quiet, just like his voice and eyes. But Shisui found it fit his Itachi perfectly, and grinned right back at him before launching into the story.

By the time Sakuko and Mikoto discovered them, Shisui had read through the stack and started over, Itachi curled up tight against his chest with his eyes barely open. He was scolded the whole way home for not listening, but he found, for once, he couldn’t feel sorry for what he did - even if he was grounded and told several times how serious Itachi’s “condition” was.

He curled up in bed that night and slept peacefully. For once, he didn’t dream about moving or his father’s raised voice, but of ways to make Itachi smile.

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 3/27/17

It’s the Affordable Briefs Act!

The Boy and the Beast, Vol. 3 | By Mamoru Hosada and Renji Asai | Yen Press – This novel, and in turn this manga, is at heart about an adopted dad and son who have issues that cause them to lash out, but get along well anyway. Kyuta has the excuse of being a teenager who has met a nice girl and also runs into his birth father again but can’t pick up where he left off. Kumatetsu is simply a bear man with massive anger and abandonment issues. But they both manage to man up and evolve to another level in this book, which is immensely satisfying until the cliffhanger, where everything goes horribly wrong. This should wrap up next time, and it’s an excellent adaptation, with nicely expressive art and some cool fight scenes at the end. – Sean Gaffney

A Centaur’s Life, Vol. 11 | By Kei Murayama | Seven Seas – I’m still reading this series, mostly because I want to see how many times it makes me stare at the page in disbelief. Half of its is still slice-of-life monster girls, with chapters like “little girls’ first day at school” and “are the main cast good enough to try being idols?.” And then you get chapters with frog terrorists breaking into a brothel and slaughtering nearly everyone in order to rescue one of their own, or the human soldier who’s involved in a war with the same frogs and runs into phenomenal prejudice from the other soldiers, which is clearly meant to be a commentary on World War II. Either of these genres might be interesting by itself. Together they’re a hopeless mishmash, and I mostly just end up frustrated. – Sean Gaffney

Complex Age, Vol. 4 | By Yui Sakuma | Kodansha Comics – If there was an award for introducing a character to a series and immediately making you hate her so much that every time you see her on the cover you’re filled with the urge to kick her face in, then Yui Sakuma would surely win it. Rui is the girl whose shabby cosplay Nagisa shamed back in volume one, and now she’s back, having become a perfectionist herself. Clearly unhinged, she’s outraged by newbie Aya receiving Nagisa’s attention and sics internet trolls on her. I might hate her, but I love that Nagisa must compare herself to Rui and articulate how she’s different. Because of this interaction, and the way Nagisa breaks things off with her boyfriend after he’s critical of a chubby friend enjoying cosplay, I’ve got a stronger sense of her character than ever before. I can’t believe there are only two more volumes of this series! – Michelle Smith

Everyone’s Getting Married, Vol. 4 | By Izumi Miyazono | VIZ Media – Guess what? Asuka still wants to get married and Ryu still doesn’t. Shocker, I know. A sizable portion of this volume focuses on the insecurities each has regarding someone else in the other’s life—for Ryu it’s Kamiya, a banking-industry comrade of Asuka who sees her as his perfect woman and has proposed to her, while for Asuka it’s married actress Yuko Sakura, Ryu’s former lover and co-host of a new music program. The resolutions to these situations are sweet, and there’s one comment by Ryu that suggests a bit of thawing on the marriage question, but I admit it’s all beginning to feel a bit repetitive to me. That said, I did like the oneshot at the end, and will definitely continue reading the series. – Michelle Smith

He’s My Only Vampire, Vol. 10 | By Aya Shouoto | Yen Press – We’ve reached the end of this series, and I will definitely give it credit for not ending the way that I was expecting to. The school life is not making a comeback, as the final battle between Aki and Eriya proves to be life-changing and not something that you can walk back. As for the battle itself, it’s filled with last-minute plot twists and turns that unfortunately did not have as much impact on me as they should have. This series has an unfortunate habit of being interesting while I read it but immediately forgettable otherwise. But it looks quite pretty, and certainly those who love vampire romance got their money’s worth. Probably my favorite Shouoto series, though it still had a lot of issues. – Sean Gaffney

Kiniro Mosaic, Vol. 2 | By Yui Hara | Yen Press – Slice-of-life fluff is always difficult to review, even in brief format. “The cute girls do cute things” doesn’t really tell you anything. We do see more of their teacher, who appears to be well-meaning but a bit ditzy, and Youo seems to settle into her role as the closest this series has to a normal girl. For the most part, if you liked volume one you’ll like the second—there’s still yuri tease that doesn’t really go beyond “I really like you in a blushy way,” there’s still “these girls are all airheads in various ways” humor, and Karen continues to be the only one who suffers from not being a strong enough stereotype. If you enjoy this sort of series, it’s good fun, but it’s quite inessential, even for yuri fans. – Sean Gaffney

Love at Fourteen, Vol. 6 | By Fuka Mizutani | Yen Press – It’s been a year since we last saw this series, but not much has changed. Kanata and Kazuki still awkwardly pursue a secret relationship, even as Kanata realizes that “I love you” has never actually been said. A lot of Japanese romances involve the idea that deeds are always more important than words, and this proves to be the case here as well. We also discover that there is more than one lesbian character in the series, which is surprising, and nice to see. As for Nagai and Hinohara, that’s there as well, and we see she’s not above abusing his obvious crush on her to get him to do something for the school, though it backfires on her somewhat. Ignoring the power issues with that ship, this remains a great manga for romance fans. – Sean Gaffney

Of the Red, the Light, and the Ayakashi, Vol. 6 | By nanao and HaccaWorks* | Yen Press – Oh dear, and now we’re running in place again. There’s a lot that goes on here, but there’s less forward progression than I like. We do get some nice backstory between the fox-tailed miko of the shrine and the ayakashi killer, and we also learn, and I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was, that there is more to Tsubaki’s sister than it appears. (If nothing else, I guess that means I can rely on her to not get killed for the sake of drama in the next book.) But I have similar issues with this series and He’s My Only Vampire, in that I find it very hard to keep track of everything that’s happening, even with the release being relatively fast in North America. For fantasy fans. – Sean Gaffney

Of the Red, the Light, and the Ayakashi, Vol. 6 | By HaccaWorks* and nanao | Yen Press – Akitoshi and Akashi have partnered together to infiltrate the shrine of Utsuwa, but once Akitoshi realizes Akashi doesn’t care if other people get hurt, he joins up with Yue instead to look for their missing friend, Tsubaki. Once everyone gathers inside, Akashi and Mikoto have a standoff, and some of their past is revealed. Honestly, although I found this volume to be fast-paced and interesting, it’s also still fairly confusing at times. Some of what puzzles me are mysteries yet to be explained, but I’m also not sure why Yue, a vessel of someone important like Shin, was also destined to be someone else’s meal. I strongly suspect this series will benefit from a straight-through reading rather than in installments. Still recommended, though! – Michelle Smith

That Wolf-boy Is Mine, Vol. 4 | By Yoko Nogiri | Kodansha Comics – And so, a heartwarming tale comes to a close. Komugi’s memories of Yu and friends have been buried by Yata-sensei, but thankfully it doesn’t take too long for her to recover them. I very much liked seeing the other ayakashi boys arguing in favor of their relationship, and we finally learn what happened twelve years ago. It’s a pleasant and non-surprising ending, and it is satisfying, though I confess I still kind of hoped Komugi would end up with Rin. What pleasantly surprised me, though, was the absolutely lovely bonus story about Senri, the two-tailed cat who has been most distant from the main narrative, and the time he loved and was loved by a human. I enjoyed this series very much and hope we see more of Nogiri’s work here in the future. – Michelle Smith

By: Michelle Smith

[blitz0hno]

For the ask game: general 1, 3, 6, 7. Prisoner, 1, 3 (Amane), 4 (mikoto) I didn’t ask too much questions did I

I AM SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG RAHHHH I got the notif, forgor, got another ask for this like a day ago, forgot again, and finally check my inbox today lmao you asked the perfect amount of questions no worries!!

General:

1. My favorite prisoner? It really is Mikoto I cannot tell a lie 😭 why? He's just... So heartbreakingly earnest. And when I was on Milgram Twitter back in 2021 I really didn't want his story to be a DID story. I wasn't about to discuss that stuff on a pretty public account no matter how intrigued we were. However, as time went on, and we thought about how all the other prisoners are "mentally ill" in some form or another, we held out hope that the whole "DID murderer who doesn't remember" thing would be subverted in some way. We came to really really look forward to his second trial, and after Purge March even moreso. In our opinion, Milgram team fuckin DELIVERED when Oct. 25th came around. While I personally relate more to John, Mikoto's story and how it's being told are very important to me. The extreme ambiguity of it all makes it better honestly; it's strikingly realistic in that sense. A host who has no idea what's going on or how to deal with it, in a boat with a bunch of presumable singlets who feel the same way, strikes a chord that few other medias have. Plurality is a very difficult topic to do justice, but I think Mikoto's narrative is very humanizing.

3. Favorite headcanon has gotta be the sibling-type relationships, particularly Amane and Fuuta. I love the idea of them stirring up trouble together. Trans headcanons are also my favorite anything ever (transmasc Fuuta and Mikoto/John and nonbinary Amane are my personal favs but transfemme!Fuuta, transfemme!Kazui and other trans headcanons are all GOATed imo)

6. RAHHHHHHH DIFFICULT favorite MV? siiiigh it probably is MeMe. Surprise tone-shift? Check. Tarot motif? Check. THE CRIME IN BRUTAL DETAIL? Check. Lyrics go crazy. Color palette goes crazy. Outfits go crazy. Although I will say "I Love You" is criminally underrated and provocative. Also LOVVVVED Harrow, Tear Drop, INMF, Purge March and Deep Cover. It's so hard to pick!!

7. Who I would get along with? Ironically, probably Fuuta. I think I would put up with his gruff attitude better than most, and we'd probably have similar worldviews regarding justice and the systems in place in society. I've been in similar (thankfully less serious) positions regarding his murder. We both enjoy video games and ramen lol he's still a little shit tho. I also feel like Yuno and I have very similar worldviews and would get along just fine.

Prisoners:

1. What do I think of Amane? Easily one of my favorites. Why? SHE IS SO REAL THAT'S WHY. She's thoroughly heartbreakingly indoctrinated but STILL trusts herself enough to do what's in her best interest in protecting herself. She denies herself so much joy to honor her devotions, even though I'm almost sure she will come to realize that the only "god" looking out for her is her. She just wants everyone to have the "heaven" of infinite happiness she's been promised, and doesn't yet understand that it's something one must make for themselves and that no one can see and know her every move and judge her like that.

3. Amane's first verdict was cruel, but I understand why it happened. Magic's very vague about who she killed and it seemed like she did it simply because the doctrine said to. It was almost like she'd been manipulated into doing it and didn't feel bad at all. When really, she was just joyous that she got to punish her abuser for once, using the rules THEY told her; not the other way around. I still do regret voting "unforgiven," personally. Her second verdict though? Based. I was in the trenches w y'all for that shit. Purge March my beloved. She had every right to punish someone who would torture a child and I don't see how Kotoko doesn't get that??? Amane inno sweep all the way they better treat my girl RIGHT from now on.

4. What do I wish people understood more about Mikoto? Woooo boy. How do I word this.

In the fandom: Mikoto is just a host alter - he's as capable of being mean and aggressive as John is capable of being nice. And his response to John and anger towards the protector is as natural as it is unfair. He's not immune to being a flawed human and deals with stress very differently from John despite sharing a body. Mikoto's denial keeps him going along "normally," but it's doubtless that "he," Mikoto, is truly the responsible one for the crime (as hosts often are the ones making big decisions). And idk, people seem to understand overall?? But there still seems to be confusion sometimes, about how John isn't "just" a protector, but a completely separate person/ego state. Neither one is the "main" alter, or a "nicer"/"better" alter. They're rounded people like the rest of the prison.

In-universe: I wish they understood him and John. I wish they knew he switched sometimes, and that though they're different they aren't dangerous just by virtue of being like that. I wish Mikoto wouldn't shame himself for not "measuring up," and accept himself and what he's done. But we're going to superhell so idk about that.

Thanks for asking!