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Update 1: Let's talk about SOAP.
So-- unlike the previous adventure into Stede's likely household cosmetics, wherein I basically got the ingredients, spent half an hour carefully destroying my kitchen, and ta da, lip balm-- making Stede's soap will be somewhat of a Process.
To start us off: There are three things you need to know immediately about Stede Bonnet's lavender soap.
1. It probably wasn't completely "lavender" scented.
The majority of the extant recipes for scented soaps in and around Europe didn't really do "single" scents-- it was usually a fun mix of herbs, spices, resins, and, uh, animal parts, with a base scent of one or more floral waters and oils.
Figure 1. Regarding animal parts, please meet the musk deer; or, Sir Not Appearing In This Recipe; or, "quick boys, get its semi-viscous-secretion-filled exocrine glands, we need 'em to smell fancy."
As an example of one of these recipes, Sir Hugh Plat's 1609 recipe in his Delightes for Ladies required orris root (dried and powdered iris rhizomes), cypress, sweet flag (A PSYCHOTROPIC, WOO), rose leaves, lavender flowers (finally), and rosewater. This big mix of yummy smells, common plants, and very very expensive and imported ingredients is pretty in keeping with most of the scented soap recipes I've been able to find for Stede.
(Though, note, if we take a SHARP LEFT TURN into, oh, I dunno, medical horror my beloved, the odds of more heavy use of lavender go way up. BUT since we're just testing the concept right now, let's save that for later experimentation.)
2. The first step in making scented soap... was to buy some plain white soap.
So far as I can tell, all extant recipes for scented soap are basically the household equivalent of doctoring your instant ramen noodles. This strikes me as intensely funny, since, like-- Stede. Store-bought pirate, store-bought soap, cmon follow me on this, this is very funny.
Figure 2. Man who definitely gets the joke, I'm pretty sure.
...Anyway. Uh. Very briefly: Western soap was strong as fuck, mostly good for laundry, was soft or liquid even if you salted the fuck outta it, was made with smelly animal fats, and wouldn't take pretty herbal scents worth a damn. (It was also called "black soap" because of the color of the potash lye used to make it. Remember Ed's happy "soap!" from the English camp? The square bar of black soap he held up? That's probably what it was supposed to be.)
Figure 3. Little did the prop department realize that someone would get entirely too invested in the fucking history of soap.
But over in Syria, and brought to the rest of the Mediterranean and elsewhere via the Silk Road, was this cool stuff called Aleppo soap-- and it was white, solid, gentle on the skin, almost scentless, and could be mixed with herbs and spices and icky animal parts to smell very fancy indeed.
Of course, people in the West wanted it badly because it was great, but it was also expensive as fuck, so there was Big Business in backwards engineering the stuff-- which a bunch of European coastal cities/countries with access to high quality olive oil and the ability to make soda ash (a significantly gentler cousin to potash) managed to do, including Castile, Spain, Marseilles, France, and Venice, Italy.
Soap recipes from Stede's time and earlier predominantly start with some amount of "Venetian Soap"-- spellings of which might also be "Venice-Sope", "Venise sope", "Saponis Veneti", etc. The goal was basically to start with a white hard soap, and Venice wasn't the only place that had it, but it made for a useful shorthand. Other soaps that seem to have occupied the same ecological niche were "Spanish", "Castle", "Saracen", "French"... and, of course, "Castile", which seems to have become today what Venetian Soap once was: a shorthand for olive oil soap. Neat.
Figure 4. The earliest reference I've found so far to Venetian Soap, from a 1558 translation of an earlier work-- though this image in particular is from a 1595 edition.
But anyway: Basically, step one to modern recreations of Stede's lavender soap would be "buy some fancy shit olive oil soap."
And finally...
3. The finished, scented soaps were called WASH BALLS.
I mean sure, some recipes were just called "a white sweet Soap" or "a muskified Soap"-- but uh. The majority were labeled "a delicate washing ball", "washing balls", "an Excellent Wash-ball", "Perfumed Wash Balls", etc.
(Listen. This is also very funny. I don't know what to tell you. Get on my level, it's great down here.)
Figure 5. This guy gets it.
They were named wash balls because the remade Venetian soap were typically, uh, spherical, for reasons that are mostly guesses on my part but amuse me anyway. For size reference, though, "little" balls were listed in 1706's Bate's Dispensatory as being about 2 or 3 ounces in weight, so we can imagine a regular size ball as being about 4 or 5 ounces (as a reference, a bar of modern Dove soap is 4.75 ounces).
They could also, according to Barbe's 1696 The French Perfumer, be stamped with a sigil and have a delicate gold leaf applied to the raised edges afterwards to make them super fancy, and if you think I'm not keeping that idea in my back pocket for Stede "Why Not Have an Entire En Suite Installed On My Giant Midlife Crisis-Mobile" Bonnet, then hooboy, you have not been paying attention to my entire, like, jam.
Anyway.
So where's the soap, Trifles
Did I not say that this was a process.
I wanted to keep things simple, and also start with as close as possible to what Stede would've had-- which, in the show, amounts to all of three words: "yummy lavender soap".
Figure 6. The evidence, Your Honor.
"Yummy" here is obviously "very very nice", not a quality of its taste, just as the "sweet Soap" referenced in at least one extant recipe refers to the scent and quality, and, again, not the taste.
(Although... there were recommendations in the manuals of the time that the soapmakers taste the soap mixes and the lye to determine whether they were cooking correctly. So... make of that what you will.)
Anyway, if it's yummy and it's scented, it's going to be that nice solid white soap, and likely shaped into a ball. And, if I was going to be Accurate, I needed to buy some.
Stateside, the closest I could easily find to a period-accurate formulation was "Kiss My Face" brand olive oil soap-- hilarious to imagine, but it's green in color, which is Not what soap made from very high quality olive oil that's been allowed to dry and age properly should be -- so I said to hell with the inherent humor of the brand name and instead went really method: Say hello to Nabulsi soap, a next-door neighbor to Aleppo soap.
Figure 7. What up, boys.
Nabulsi soap's been made the same way for centuries, with the same ingredients-- and unlike Aleppo soap, which has laurel berry oil (an ingredient Western soapmakers apparently did not successfully discover as part of their backwards engineering), Nabulsi soap is closer in ingredients and process to what the Western soapmakers were doing than just about anything else I could easily get my hands on.
(In particular, I think Nabulsi soap is still made with soda ash made from barilla, a salt-tolerant Mediterranean plant that was a key reason why these soaps were fucking amazing. Barilla farming and soda ash production was big business until 1792 when Nicolas Leblanc decided to personally ruin my dreams by discovering a way to artificially create sodium carbonate -- the primary active ingredient in soda ash -- thereby causing the collapse of barilla farming and my current inability to order barilla lye online.)
Figure 8. That asshole.
Anyway, I figured Nabulsi soap was just as likely to show up as an expensive ingredient in an apothecary shop as any other soda-ash-and-olive-oil soap, and a lot closer to whatever Stede's household would've used than more modern soaps. So, reader, I bought some.
Most of the recipes I found required that the white soap be scraped or grated and then left in the sun for several days. Behold, in progress:
Figure 9. A partially scraped bar of Nabulsi soap, a potato peeler, a "holy shit don't cut yourself" safety glove, and thou.
These little bastards took maybe an hour to scrape down, but I switched off frequently with my child, who would've apparently been the one Victorian kid who volunteered to spend all day at the factory, so your mileage may vary.
I would say that Nabulsi soap isn't entirely scentless, but what scent it has is very light and fresh, not at all overpowering or chemical-ly. In future, I'm going to try a cheese grater or, if the gods smile upon me, a microplane.
Figure 10. The entire 7 ounce bar, reduced to smithereens.
This tray is now lightly covered with a see-through lid and in a sunny location in my studio-- per Wecker/Culpepper's 1660 Cosmeticks, I'll leave it to dry like that for the next 6 to 10 days (though I'll likely stir it every couple of days, to ensure it's equally... whatevered).
While I wait on the soap, though, I knew I should turn my attention to the final riddle: "lavender".
Lavender is a toughie, ingredient-wise -- it wasn't the herbal most frequently added. Powdered orris root (Iris rhizomes), cloves, and storax resins (like bezoin, liquid storax, labdanum, and their various offshoots and adulterated variants) were the usual culprits. A couple of recipes called for lavender flowers, but certainly not the majority, and rosewater was usually what would be added to that dried, grated Venetian Soap when the soapmaker was ready to reform it into wash balls.
In fact, scent-wise... cloves smell spicy/sweet/warm, the various resins all apparently smell warm and vanilla-y, and orris root smells "sweet, soft, powdery, suede-like"-- so lavender, which actually has a huge spectrum of possible scents depending on the variety used, might either soften the soap's entire scent profile or kick it into spicy overdrive. But without the lavender, I do wonder if, somehow, this would be yet another historical cosmetic that somehow smelled like COOKIES.
But! We are making Stede's soap here, so lavender it is-- and of a sufficient quantity that Ed would specifically identify it as the lavender soap.
While the majority of recipes call for the grated soap to be reconstituted with rosewater, both Cosmeticks and Salmon's 1685 Polygraphice mention using Oil of Spike in addition to or replacing the rosewater. Oil of Spike was made of spike lavender (Lavandula latifolia), which seems to be one of the spicier lavender boys. I, tragically, did not have spike lavender or store-bought Oil of Spike readily to hand-- but I did have some dried French lavender (Lavandula stoechas), several bottles of olive oil, a recipe from 1623, and too much time on my hands, SO GUESS WHAT:
Figure 11. Local over-invested idiot decides, why the fuck not? Let's make some goddamn Oil of Lavender.
Figure 12. Local over-invested idiot sees no reason to be concerned about current life choices, hobbies, use of time and effort.
The recipe is from Markham's The English Hus-wife, and it's its own goddamn adventure-- but for the time being, let us say that I am now waiting 10 days on the soap, 12 days on the lavender oil, and for my next trick I should probably grind up some cloves maybe.
This will surely end well.
For those who may or may not remember my mostly historically accurate Stede Bonnet lip balm, get ready-- I'm going to start experimenting soon with mostly historically accurate lavender soap.
So... I guess be prepared for me to accidentally explode more shit, hooray.
#I wrote this post instead of finishing up a Different Project#...which is also ofmd related but never mind#let's talk about SOAP#I will NOT be getting in trouble by making my own lye#NOT THIS TIME SATAN#lavender soap#our flag means death#ofmd#history#stede bonnet#and his historically possible cosmetic collection#lotta ridiculous research#lotta#experimental archaeology#being conducted from#stede bonnet's theoretical library#regarding#stede bonnet's theoretical self-care extravagances#trifles the amateur history enthusiast strikes again#funky little alchemist with funky little interests
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hermann thoughts: if i discredit newton and his approach enough, the martial won't give him the equipment for his kaiju drift, and i can protect him from himself. if he despises me for it, so be it. there is little i wouldn't sacrifice to see him safe.
newt thoughts: this is a Best Science competition and i have to Win
#unscientific aside#newmann#pacific rim#thinking about them again today#it's very easy to read hermann's animosity during the movie as him being pissed off at newt for his 'completely crazy'#theories getting attention + being a massive nuisance in general#that's exactly what it looks like if you just listen to WHAT he's saying#however if you pay attention to WHEN he says it & pay attention to his face when no one is looking it's very clear there's more going on im#like the kaiju entrails comment. newt has all these tables with guts set up right next to the line & has clearly been working there for age#theres a big pile of intestinal-looking tubes over on hermann's side of the floor already! not a peep from hermann!#but then when newt tries to join the conversation he happens to throw another little squidgy bit & suddenly hermann jumps on him about it#brings up in front of the marshall how CONSTANT this unprofessional conduct is while also cutting newt off#he physically puts himself between newt & pentecost#interrupts newt every time he tries to talk#starts making snarky little personal comments AT newt to discourage him - 'don't embarrass yourself' 'yes [just get to the point]'#'this is the point where he goes completely crazy' [significant look at newt]#keeps hovering in the background looking between newt & pentecost#like. ok he is SO MAD that newt is getting pentecost's attention here. obviously#the thing that does it for me though is how sad and resigned he looks when newt finally does get to the point#this is not the face of an angry rival#this is the face of a man with ulterior motives for his animosity#i dont think newt has any ulterior motives hes aware of lol he thinks hes in a movie about 2 geniuses vying for scientific superiority#happens to be in love with hermann but hasnt realized because hes so mad at him all the time#he only realizes how much hermann cares when he offers to drift with him
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Given that Belobog is so full of snow, I'm kinda sad we never get to see any snowmen anywhere. Like that would have made for such a cute bg decoration!
And I think it would be especially funny for Sampo to make them, not out of pure, innocent whimsy and joy, but like specifically to be a menace smzhnsjd
Like Gepard keeps finding little snowmen out around the frontlines. And normally he would just turn a blind eye to this like he does with other things (like the shitty amateur distillery no one thinks he knows about); war sucks, their own damn leader is trying to kill them and Gepard is treading water just trying to keep Cocolia from using his guards as cannon fodder. If his soldiers want to make some snowmen in their downtime, then they should be allowed that. God knows they've earned it.
BUT SOMEONE IS MAKING SNOWMEN THAT LOOK LIKE HIM, DAMMIT!!!
Gepard keeps finding them down the back alleys and more hidden parts of the frontlines! And they all have the same grumpy little face, with blue-painted rocks for eyes and sometimes even gold-colored bullet casings for hair! And he knows who it is the second he finds another little blue haired, green eyed snowman next to it! Fuckin' Koski is sneaking in here, and easily enough that he has the time to taunt him!
Gepard once found a little Snow Geppie with angry eyebrows and red roses stuck in its blushing cheeks that was handcuffed to a weapons rack, which was when he realized someone had pickpocketed his handcuffs. He punches the head clean off the little Snow Sampo nearby, only to discover that it is also holding his wallet, minus all the shield he'd had in it that morning. Gepard kicks it for good measure.
One time he found a little Snow Sampo offering roses to a little Snow Geppie, and he quickly knocked those over too before anyone else could see them or his red face. He swears he can feel Sampo snickering and mocking him nearby.
Sometimes, Gepard finds little Snow Sampos with tiny sacks thrown over their shoulders, all filled with items that are SUPPOSED to be in the depths of the guarded Silvermane storehouses. Sampo technically isn't even stealing anything, he's just showing Gepard that he could if he wanted to, and poor Gepard is going to pop an aneurysm.
Pela: Good morning, Captain. Have you been outside of your tent yet?
Gepard: No. ....Why.
Pela: No reason. Say, have you heard of any break ins recently?
Gepard: No, why.
And Pela holds open the tent flap and there's a ton of tiny little Silvermane Guards snowmen in tight neat rows, all with their little stick arms up in salute, and each one with an actual, stolen official helmet-mask.
Pela: You run a real tight ship out here, huh.
Gepard: (looooong weary muffled sigh as he drags a hand down his face)
#gepo#sampard#hsr gepard#hsr sampo#sampo koski#gepard landau#pelageya sergeyevna#hsr#honkai star rail#I love Sampo being petty as shit just to rile Geppie up fkdsajflasdj#like he is absolutely watching from somewhere hidden nearby and snickering to himself#of a related note I think Caelus and March 7th should be given those little plastic mold thingies that make rubber ducky-shapes in the snow#they go through the restricted zone and just leave them in random places#Gepard trying to conduct serious military business and up on the wall behind him are a row of rubber duckies judging the Guards fjklasjfkld
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I think the Amanda Arasha combination is especially effective because they do have differing opinions on a number of things, but Arasha is also largely unafraid to actually disagree/pushback on things (in a very good natured, thoughtful, usually well articulated way) without taking it personally. Which, I think is especially fun/good with Amanda, who tends to have strong opinions and expresses them very. powerfully. And I love her for it, but the discussion definitely gets even better when someone like Arasha is willing to push back or call out the comedy of certain personal opinions/subjective viewpoints, and still have a good time overall.
#amanda i love you but arasha going 'you're MAKING him lame!!!' in a faux scandalized tone is a an excellent and necessary counterweight#smosh#amanda lehan canto#arasha lalani#amarasha#its very fun for me to watch tbh#smosh mouth#its a thing where i think amanda does things sometimes (that i do too) where she gets caught up expressing her opinions so it sounds like#shes stating them as facts. and sometimes (often) its comedic but also i think most cast will kind of go with it#but arasha is very good about like- not even always disagreeing- just being able to understand/acknowledge when certain things are opinions#vs facts. vs when amanda clearly INTENDS something to be a fact vs opinion and conducting the discussion (or doing a bit) from there#i think shayne also does this pretty well but arasha does it in a way that i think is more like. visible.#and so it helps the discussion feel better weighted. if that makes sense#in general its all in good fun so its not like theres an ISSUE here its mostly what i find fun to watch vs VERY fun to watch lol#amanda in general sometimes has opinions i dont agree with (as is reasonable and normal) and for the most part its like 🤷♀️ w/e#but that means its nice sometimes to have arasha on to be like. hey wait. LOL
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i am at any given point this 🤏 close to waxing poetic about the jedi code
#personal#i think about their philosophies and start chewing on walls <3#where was this energy in college i ask of you#me when being forced to contemplate the themes and motifs of extremely lauded literary classics: eugh#me when nobody is asking me to talk about fictional space samurai wizards and their code of ethics/conduct/religion that was never#actually really codified in the movies they come from and most of the information we have on them comes from ancillary content that was#never given the Canon Stamp Of Approval but have been so widely accepted by the audience/writers of that ancillary content that they might#as well be: IN THIS ESSAY I WILL—
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An Overanalysis of That Bsd 119 Panel
“If God does not exist, everything is permissible.”
—Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
With one of the most intense displays of genuine emotion that we’ve seen from Fyodor paired with the Expression emphatically taking up over half the page, I immediately wondered, what does this tell me about Fyodor?
I’ve seen a lot of interesting analysis floating around already, with the main two being: Fyodor doesn’t think Atsushi represents the “noble” beast of his ability, and/or Atsushi’s attitude reminds Fyodor of his past self.
However, to me, it seems that Fyodor’s reaction is a natural culmination of his obsessive and hypocritical search for perfection.
Part I: Fyodor’s Impossible Idealism
Fyodor has always been a romantic.
Not a romantic as in someone interested in ‘romance,’ but a romantic as defined by Oxford Languages: “[someone or something] characterized by…an idealized view of reality.”
From the beginning, Fyodor’s goals has always been steeped in idealism. “Saving” the world! Though thankfully a departure from the omnicidal maniac trope (I hate it! If you destroy the world, what then, genius), saving the world is as nearly nebulous as destroying the world. What does saving the world mean?
To Fyodor, it has been stated that he means cleansing the world of sin: ability users.
But I would argue that a better way to phrase this would be to cleansing the world of imperfection. Fyodor doesn’t only view ability users as imperfect, he views humanity as a whole as imperfect. I hinge this arguement where upon Dazai meeting Fyodor for the first time and talking with him in prison, Dazai says “people are sinfully stupid,” not ability-users, in opposition to Fyodor’s ideologies.
The second reasoning for this arguement is that while Fyodor hates ability users, he has no problem killing non ability users. You would think for someone who puts so much emphasis on abilities users as “sinful” that he would subsequently view non ability users as pure, right? Yeah, no.
“But Fyodor,” someone asks. “After you erase all the ability users how the fuck are you going to fix the rest of humanity?”
For one, he’d be dead (someone correct me on this if he said he’d kill all ability users but himself). For two, if the former () is the case, then is he just going to… write all of the rest of humans as perfect? Is he going to kill them to a write a version of humanity that is perfect? If that’s the case, then what the hell does ‘perfect’ mean to fyodor?
Another popular theory is that Fyodor is attempting to rewrite the world from the beginning without abilities, but that brings up the same issue in my second point—Fyodor doesn’t exclusively view ability users as imperfect, he views all of humanity as imperfect.
His plan is full of holes when you consider how exactly he defines “perfect.”
Therefore, I’d like to go forward in this analysis with the assumption that Fyodor is attempting to kill all ability users, including himself, through the “salvation” of death to create a “perfect” world despite all logistical fallacies.
So… what was the purpose of this tangent? It’s that I believe Fyodor’s search for perfection is futile, he likely knows it, and his goal is simply the largest unwilling suicide pact the world has ever seen.
Part II: Does Fyodor even believe in God?
Before this section begins, I’d like to define religiousness by the unconditional belief in gods or a god.
Short answer: yes. Slightly longer answer: well, yes, but…
Fyodor embodies of the churchgoing villain trope to a tee—at every possible moment he uses religion as a directive to all his actions. God, to Fyodor, is his patron.
What makes Fyodor’s religious zealousness so interesting to me is that highly intelligent, calculating, and cunning villains are often associated with ideologies ranging from relaxed-religiousness to atheism in media. Dazai is an example of this—he a deist who believes that god exists—but has created a world which runs on inconsistencies and absurdity.
Hell, Raskolnikov, the main character from from Crime and Punishment himself is an example of an intelligent character who is non-religious. While Raskolnikov is not a villain or a necessarily an irredeemable person, he is, as opposed to BSD Fyodor (the character of whom he inspired), an intelligent “bad person” who is notably non-religious. The following is a quote from Raskolnikov, in Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment, where he cynically comments about a religious character.
“At first he was afraid that she would worry him about religion, would talk about the gospel and pester him with books.”
Which naturally leads to the next question: why is Fyodor so religious if it clashes against both his literary counterpart and the tropes associated with an “intelligent villain”?
Trick question: I don’t think Fyodor is religious at all.
I believe that Fyodor’s fervent belief in god does not come out of genuine faith, but rather a desperate need to justify his own crimes. After all,
“If God doesn’t exist, everything is permissible.”
That is an adapted quote referenced in BSD 42 from a conversation in another one of Dostoevsky’s books, The Brothers Karamazov. The meaning of the quote is that the presence of god gives moral guidance meaning, and without god, humanity falls into anarchy.
After all, if heaven and hell do not exist, if god does not exist, or if god exists but he doesn’t care, or if god exists but he hates Fyodor, then… there’s no such thing as Fyodor’s idea of perfection. All of his plannning and scheming will be for naught. The slaughter and manipulation he has enacted across centuries will be pointless.
Fyodor must believe in his idealism (his version of god) or else his world views, his idealism, his raison d'etre—crumbles.
So let me ask the question again. Why is a villain who is as intelligent as Fyodor also religious? It’s because he must be, or he’d go insane.
“God is necessary, and therefore must exist... But I know that he does not and cannot exist... Don't you understand that a man with these two thoughts cannot go on living?”
This is a quote from Dostoevsky’s Demons, which perfectly describes what I believe about Fyodor’s motivations. I believe that deep within Fyodor’s fucked up mind, he understands that either god does not exist or that god exists, but hates/doesn’t give a rat’s ass about Fyodor.
However, Fyodor’s idealism has no room for nuance, even though someone of his intelligence must already understand that. Anything that challenges his idea of god, his idea of salvation, his idea of perfection, will challenge his very reason for being alive.
Which is what brings us to:
Part III: My Bad; The Panels this Analysis was Supposed to be About
In the past few years, there has been a recent shift in the fandom’s general perception Fyodor. He is no longer perceived as a character with a god complex, but rather character with a messiah complex(also known informally known as a Jesus complex). This is basically cemented in Fyodor’s last words before ‘death’: “Eli Eli lama sabachthani,” which mirrors Jesus’s words, not god’s.
While both god complexes and messiah complexes arise from the same core insecurities and delusions of superiority, those with messiah complexes are often characterized by their extreme empathy and intense desire to “save” others.
Looking at Fyodor, you wouldn’t think that he is a highly empathetic individual, but it is only because of his advanced emotional intelligence that he understands the human condition intimately enough to manipulate it—and he uses that power to try to “save” humanity the same way he perceives Jesus would.
But… if anything, it’s Atsushi who resembles Jesus.
Atsushi is compassionate; he extended his sympathy and respect to both Kyouka and Akutagawa, two people who attempted to kill him. Atsushi is selfless; from episode 1, he attempted to use his own body to cover a bomb in order to protect the ADA (people who he had barely known at the time!). Atsushi is humble; he denies his power and affability when confronting Lucy’s anguish.
(Arguably, you could say that Atsushi’s selflessness in the beginning was more motivated from self-hatred then true altruism—and you would be right, but once Atsushi learns a sense of confidence, his selflessness does not disappear… it just becomes genuine.)
Compassion, selflessness, and humbleness—all values that Jesus is said to preach.
The prideful Fyodor knelt before Atsushi in hopes a finding a god to his “Jesus,” but all he found was a painfully human boy. Not only that, he found a man who is more of a savior than he will ever be.
To add insult to injury in 119, Fyodor discovers Atsushi is an imperfect being who resides within what he had previously believed to be a perfect being. He is a contradiction—a nuance—and like I said before, Fyodor’s idealism has no room for what-ifs and buts. If he entertains a single contradiction(like Atsushi), his entire world view collapses.
So, Fyodor goes on the defense. In his attempt to rid himself of the so-called pathetic humanity he sees Atsushi demonstrating, he demonstrates some pathetic humanity of his own: For the first time we’ve seen since Fyodor has been introduced, Fyodor forgets his fixed benevolent, lofty, half-amused persona and gets pissed off.
More often than not I believe self-righteous anger comes as a result of insecurity and doubt. I imagine that his inner monologue is going something along the lines of: ‘how could this noble, god-like creature be so stupid, base, human? How could this faux-divine suggest that I am not already saving humanity? How could I have ever believed that he could be the perfect one I’m searching for?’
What I said before, about how Fyodor’s idea of perfection is a zero sum game and he knows it; it is reflected in his interaction with Atsushi. Atsushi’s mere existence and personality is evidence of what Fyodor has been trying to deny this entire time: his ideal of a “perfect world” does not exist.
“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.” —Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment
#bungou stray dogs#fyodor dostoevsky#atsushi nakajima#meta#character analysis#bsd 119#there were a lot of things I had to cut from this analysis to keep it condensed in one post…#according to a PSPR study conducted in 2013 there does seem to be a slight negative correlation between religiousness and intelligence#I swear im not talking out of my ass!#the pipeline from the analysis being about ‘fyodor Really likes daydreaming huh’ to ‘Atsushi is Jesus’ is really something#btw god complexes and messiah complexes are not diagnosable disorders#they are viewed as symptoms of narcisstic personality disorder#even still looking at the mental illnesses associated with messiah complex match fyodor to a tee and happen to match a Lot of fandom#perception to a scary degree#I will make a separate post about it
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I think there’s something to be said for the fact that I used to dread presentations when I was younger but now plan to go out of my way to sign myself up for them so I can improve my public speaking. Me from not even two years ago would’ve never. But now ?? The more the merrier let me at them
#anything from research poster presentations to research conferences to medical conferences#i also plan on investigating conferences that center on arab culture through the refugee center i volunteer at#i think my frivolous little girl dream of being someone who actually contributes is coming to fruition more and more each day#obviously i'll be fucking nervous presenting to a bunch of doctors professors politicans etc etc#but it's just necessary! i want to conduct myself w confidence amongst professionals#instead of just being 21 and young and awkward and immediately getting written off as someone not to be taken seriously#not now!! i need to not do this thing where i throw myself into 80 different things at once#studying is my top priority atm#but soon! very soon. hopefully as i progress more thru my orgo research#so many things to look forward to i am going to melt into stardust#p
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i can't remember if I ever shared my old elita helm design from last yr 😚 anyways here it is incase 😚😚
YEAH HER ANTENNAE ARE MEANT TO BE ROUND TESLA COIL SPAKRS AND I FIND THAT SO COOL LIKE I THINK PAST ME IS SO BIG BRAIN FOR THAT I LOVE TESLA COILS AND I LOVE ELITA WHY NOT MIX THEM (like ik they're not tesla coil tesla coil without the middle but she's an alien and artistic libertry 😔😔)
#AND SHE DEFINITELY SHOCKS PEOPLE WITH THEM!!!!!!#They're the thor hammer for her#she conducts so much fucking energy with them like im pretty sure she could open a lorentzian wormhole mixed with her times powers#that's a joke btw do you know the power needed to conduct one of those it's absolutely insane#im making her overpowered as fuck but let's face it her only being able to use her time powers like one w/out dying cancels that out#I saw tesla coils being used in a show and I loved them to the point i put them on my silly#And yeah the energon strips in her hair are meant to be like ribbons!! Idk what the bun it's inspired by is called :')#fan art#transformers#elita one#elita 1#transformers fanart#maccadams#maccadam#Re design#I have so much elita art from tbe past like 2 years
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claire should be allowed to engage in psychological warfare against hunt. and my god if she isn't the greatest psyop of them all
#okay so this works this way: she stands next to him. she's in his vicinity#that’s step 1 of psychological warfare. her mere presence disturbs him#step 2 is being really stupid on purpose. just say the most ludicrous thing that comes to mind#but there's sophistication. not any ludicrous thought but something tailored for him. she can't just say the earth is flat you know#on spot she'll come up with 5 reasons why citizen kane is overrated sth like that. she knows he needs to be engaged. sth he can't ignore#step 3 after he gets very angry very fast over something very trivial (because he will) she doubles down HARD#and she does it with a moue and very confused as to why he’s answering this way. has she done anything? why is he so angry at her?:(#step 4 is to overuse his title. two reasons for this: remind him of propriety and because she's really weird#step 5 is to observe how long he takes to notice she’s messing with him. then she writes it down because she’s conducting an experiment#<- this is different from the times when they actually argue. this is done for entertainment purposes. she does this when she’s bored#when claire is really really bored she raises her hand in class#to be fair it's his fault for indulging her. unknowingly. but he is indulging her. you should never indulge claire swanson#bonus step 6 she does The Face#this is how her first two years in hollywood u are like by the way
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rod makes me so so insane even all these years later. logan who believes the lie that he’s more cutthroat than he is, lying to himself that he’d cut and run when it was time, only to cling to scraps of affection. mona who doesnt carry the same defensiveness about trust that colt and logan do, who refused to let herself be tied down, taking the fall for a pretty girl once more, finally finding someone worth trusting. colt watching his father burn up and wish only that his son escapes a life he never knew any differently from, only for his death to solidify colt’s reclamation of it.
#playchoices#crazy fucking insane 🤧🥴#oughhhh those diamond early scenes where mc and Logan just look one another in the eyes and LIE#colt throwing logan directly under the bus for entrapping ellie (even if ROMANCED) because it serves his interest in that moment to turn#attention from the fact the crew has conducted a kidnapping#kaneko being like I care for Logan but I could live with myself if he died. not Colt. CRAZYINSANE#Mona saving Ellie again and again when she’s also a mirror of ellie but gay and jaded beyond measure#the way you can make ur romance even tastier by betraying them all this time#tunes titters#they all make me crazy insane ROD polycule u will always be famous
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Denchuuuu denchu denchu. I think they're the cutest I wanna know more :] Sending you 1, 2, 8 and 21 for funsies from the pride prompts ^^
1. What's your oc's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?
Denchu is genderfluid and uses any pronouns (he/she/they/and more?).
2. What's your oc's orientation? (Romantic/sexual/platonic alterous ect) Do they have opinions about it?
I'm not sure if this has a label but Denchu is attracted to masc-presenting people. any gender
8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?
I think he definitely tends to downplay how he feels about being genderfluid because he's used to presenting as Girl and it's "easier" to present as Girl. They probably experience the feeling of "I go by any pronouns" and proceeding to only be referred to be she/her and then get frustrated later. Maybe there was a period of time where she didn't want to use she/her at all and ultimately circled back into including it because she still liked being Girl
21. Free ramble card wee
I would not be surprised if Denchu started figuring their stuff out after Kanu confides to them about being a trans guy, inspiring them to figure out their own stuff (says this as if they're not my characters and they're out doing things of their own free will)
#asks#denchu#splatoon#splatoon ocs#my ocs#the logistics of 'is there gender expecations and such in splatoon' when I feel like the world of splatoon would be pretty forgiving#but then again. I have not given it much thought#and ultimately I'm not like. super interested in exploring 'is society transphobic and do they have hangups about it'#although the elite soldiers being mostly female is like. does octarian society give status to them due to that. hmmmm#at the end of the day I feel like splatoon doesnt really care. just fuck it we ball. maybe thats the easy way out#Idk maybe I should have expected this going into oc pride asks it would be boring to just say yeah. theyre this. no real reason#ANYWAYS enough complaining from me. thank you for asking about denchu :3#also realizing that these asks are more conductive if I take them as opportunities to develop the character rather than go#well ummm. I didnt think about it so I don't have an answer for you
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judas kiss
#i'm kidding (maybe) but valentino wouldn't be (perhaps)#it is a kiss btw sete makes the appropriate sound effect and everything. very sweet very wholesome very gracious loser tm#//#brr brr#he makes for such a good foil because he's also so... idk image conscious but rather than use it he tends to get in his own way#complete contrast in their later narrativisation because they both identify a different turning point in their rivalry#(and for MY money they're BOTH overshooting by a few races)#and both make it about unsportsmanlike conduct from the other party. thing is they couldn't have reacted more differently#vale has a tendency with some rivals to play down how central they were to his career and it's not a coincidence (imo) that the biggest -#- victims are the two he had the best relationship with. marc isn't the strongest rival he ever faced. sete is dismissed completely#(which biaggi is to some extent too in that he calls his later rivals stronger but at least he allows biaggi his place in vale's story)#and like... buddy. prime!vale had 14 points in hand over sete with 3 rounds to go let's not pretend it was THAT comfortable my man#but that's what he does! and then sete by contrast makes it about moral injury which is a more flattering story than -#- 'yea he drew some pentagons and lit some candles and chanted a bit in latin and after that my bike would run out of fuel on the last lap'#obviously the relative amount they've discussed it post end of rivalry is completely lopsided but that's true of all but one vale rivalry#all that being said obviously sete did make it way too easy for valentino lmao. the hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby of psychological warfare#curse tag
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An excerpt from Altus Prosator, a choral setting by Douglas Buchanan of the 6th century Irish poem of the same name, sometimes attributed to St. Columba. The poem is written in Hiberno-Latin, a form of Latin used by Irish monks in the 6th through 9th centuries. Being so isolated from mainland Europe, the language developed its own words based on independent scholarship and local influence; for example, the word "iduna" is used to mean "hands", which stems from Hebrew rather than Latin ("yadaim").
The poem is also "abecedarian" - each stanza begins with a different letter, making 23 total stanzas (Latin has no J, initial U, or W). The choral work accordingly has a movement for each stanza; the above is Movement "Z", "Zelus ignis furibundus":
Zelus ignis furibundus
consumet adversarios
nolentes christum credere
deo a patre venisse
nos vero evolabimus
obviam ei protinus
et sic cum ipso erimus
in diversis ordinibus
dignitatum pro meritis
premiorum perpetuis
permansuri in gloria
a saeculis in saecula.
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The raging fury of fire shall consume the adversaries, unwilling to believe that Christ came from GOD the Father; but we shall forthwith fly up to meet Him, and so shall we be with Him in divers orders of dignities according to the everlasting merits of our rewards, to abide in glory, for ever and ever.
The full recording is viewable here.
#I got to do this last week#so here it is#music history#irish history#manuscript#being conducted by the composer of the piece is fun bc you know that's how it was meant to be conducted#god and his conscience are perfectly agreed#also he's gonna go Turbo Conductor Wizard on it#now whether we are singing it the way he conducted it is a matter for scholarly debate#the end circles back to the text from the beginning
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do you think barbara and ian ever got in hot water with unit for just straight up selling the story of their adventures with the doctor to hollywood or…
#like imagine being the brigadier going around town#and then you spot a movie poster for doctor who at your local movie theatre with the daleks and tardis and everything#how do you even react to that#surely someone had to conduct an investigation#fuckin imagine clive from the first episode of nuwho or linda from love and monsters discovering that#we know that the doctor knows about those movies and loved them what about everyone else#ngl tho i respect the hustle#with all the shit they had to put up with the first companions deserve to make bank off their adventures#doctor who#barbara wright#ian chesterton#classic who#unit#peter cushing#doctor who the movie#if i think too much about what their lives where like when they finally got back home i’m gonna get dangerously close to writing about it
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Me: I'm going to get back into writing fanfiction for a fun creative writing outlet, while I work on other humanities and social sciences in classwork :) Also me: Has now read at least one official medical study, multiple interest/support group and government reports, and several online testimonials re: House's possible amputation vs. non-narcotic pain treatments sans amputation, and now has a pretty good mental chart going of decidedly STEM things.
I have been tricked into researching STEM. Creative writing has betrayed me.
#house md#gregory house#fanfiction#hatecrimes md#if anyone is interested my research so far: it seems like while phantom limb pain is likely#it is manageable using the same things he would otherwise use + other things not otherwise available#and is more likely to go away and/or be less severe#the study conducted using data from people who suffered multiple kinds of chronic pain shows 81% were glad they amputated#not to mention that the House TV show “we create medical fact” ethos suggests House has a random cure for phantom limb pain#based on that one s6 episode#I now know many weird medical things that I only sort of understand but could possibly be used in writing#Is this what being a House screenwriter feels like?#This explains why some episodes are medically dubious: a bunch of humanities majors with loose grasps of medicine just rolling with it#Anyway I'm still unlikely to write a longer fic about this specific issue unless I do more research over time
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#proverbs#proverbs 3#proverbs 3:25-26#have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked#for the LORD will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared#bible#bible reading#bible study#bible verses#Christian#Christian conduct#Christian faith#Christian living#Christian tumblr#Christianity#faith in GOD#faith in JESUS
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