#being aware of something is worse than useless sometimes

[sfucked]

trauma wouldn't be so bad if I didn't get to see what it could've been

[cbartonscoffee]

I think I've never been more aware of just how many people only get their info of the batfam through fanfic. I finally started reading Red Robin (2009) and I can not believe how many things are blown out of proportion. Particularly about Dick and Damian.

First of all, Dick does try to put limits and he does get fed up with Damian's ways sometimes. Out of the three first interactions of them in the comic, at least in two he tells him to shut up. And one of those is when Damian starts to brag about being Robin and Tim being useless, he tells him to shut up twice.

Another thing about that moment, is that they treat it like Dick completely dismisses Tim and treats him as unimportant. He doesn't. He takes him seriously, he tells him he needs him, he tells him he views his as an equal, as someone capable. And he also tells him he's concerned about him and that he needs to start processing Bruce's death. Could that have been a little harsh? Yes, but he needed to do it without making Tim think there was room for him to be convinced about his theory because let's be honest, Tim would've taken anything less than complete refusal and tried to change his mind. And had he been wrong neither of them could have taken it.

Secondly, Dick is always left to shoulder the blame of kicking Tim out and of never reaching out. That's bull. And I need to make that clear. Tim was in a delicate point, he tells us this himself multiple times, but the decision to leave was completely made out of his own free will. Another thing he did was put space between him and the people on Gotham. We see only one time in which Dick tries to call him. Tim picks up and tells him he doesn't want to talk. This tells us that Dick respecting Tim's wish of space included almost no (or even no) contact, and Dick calling was not something Tim appreciated or encouraged.

Now. Going into the second year of the run, when he's back in Gotham, there's a few things to talk about and I'm still in the aftermath of Damian and Tim's fight.

I feel it's important to say that even if they are all family, more often than not they're doing their own thing. Like, Babs and Steph are in the Batcave while Dick and Damian are in Wayne Tower, Cass is said to potentially be in Hong Kong and we haven't even heard Jason be name-dropped except for the fact that he went on a rampage at some point.

So, Dick is immediately called away in League business. So he isn't there. Damian is behaving fairly civil besides being a brat, so no one wastes too much effort in correcting what he says. We need to think about the fact that this is a kid whose world was turned upside down multiple times in a short period of time, who has a need to be accepted, and who hasn't yet found his place. All this is to say, that if it's difficult to get him to eat breakfast there's no way they're controlling his every move and that's understandable.

So Dick is away, Damian is still trying to adapt, Alfred has his hands full and everyone else is doing something else.

The whole thing starts because Tim is being kind of cryptic about what he's doing with his hit list and Damian feels left out and goes looking for more. He finds his name in a hidden double side of the hit list marking him as a threat. He understandably feels hurt and angry, because he's a kid, and he's trying, and his predecessor who at this point doesn't even try with him anymore views him as something bad.

So in classic Damian fashion, he falls back on his upbringing and doesn't deal with the situation as one should, talking about it. Instead he cuts team line, hurting before being hurt. It could've been worse, we see in the panel that Tim doesn't have that much of a hard time getting safely to the ground. The problem is that he snaps and starts a full-blown fight he knows Damian won't back out off. (I'm pleased to add that after cutting his line Damian doesn't start anything else)

So they are fighting, Tim has the clear advantage and he knows this, we know this. And that's how Dick finds them. Having just returned from a JL mission, in the place where the Waynes were murdered, with Tim having overpowered Damian.

They go back to the cave and Damian shares his findings, and Dick understands. And Tim tells him he (Dick) knows why he (Tim) did it. Dick agrees, and tells him he should have tried to make it harder to find. Tim says he hadn't thought Damian would try or even care. Dick tells him Damian wants to be accepted.

All in all, so far the only thing this comic has proven to me is that there's a reason comics are the bomb and that fanon has gotten out of hand. I get making things out to be worse for the sake of a story, but everything surrounding these events is basically used as the foundation for Damian and Tim's relationship as well as Dick and Tim's and I don't think I've once read a fanfic where these events are portrayed correctly or even following the real motivations of the characters. This is a disservice to all of them and only serves to amplify the hate towards a character that doesn't deserve it. There's a lot of Damian hate going around. And it sucks. Mostly because people use his actions against Tim to justify it and honestly? I don't think you should be allowed to use that if you haven't read RR and understood what was going on.

[dragonofthedepths]

In (No) Danger of Going Too Far

Naruto. Senju Hashirama x Uchiha Madara. Vampire AU. Written for @hewoweens as part of the @hashimada-giftexchange!

Madara cannot remember a time when he has not been hungry.

A clan of vampires, the Uchiha have... different dietary requirements from the other clans around them.

A harsh winter that sweeps in early to kill all the crops will not effect them the same way. The same food that fuels humans is little more than padding to them, helping draw out the times between feedings if they have no blood. Only slightly more useful than eating sawdust is to a human.

Even as a child Madara was already used to padding out his diet with human food, leaving as much extra blood for his younger brothers as he could as rations grew tight.

One would think a clan of blooddrinkers could feast, surrounded by blood constantly on the battlefield. But that is blood spilled, the blood of corpses and the dead. As useless and revolting for them as an apple rotted green and slick with slime would be for a human. Utterly devoid of the life they need to feed.

Only live prey will do.

But the hunger of his youth has nothing on the starvation they've been facing recently.

And Madara knows that things have been getting worse and worse since he was a child, their situation deteriorating with every ally his father drove away. That they descended to their current level of struggle long before his recent ascension to clan head.

But he can't help but feel responsible.

Because it is his clan. He swore to protect them with everything he has, and he is doing all he can to dig them out of the hole his father got them into but it's not working fast enough.

He has been giving up even more of his rations recently, pushing them towards Izuna or the children in a desperate bid to keep them alive as they all struggle to survive while he attempts to get their feet back under them, and it is beginning to have consequences.

His blows have less strength behind them, his reaction times dulled, and it's sometimes a struggle to keep his arms from shaking. Not enough to be noticeable against a regular enemy, but it makes running into Senju Hashirama whenever he doesn't have to very inadvisable.

Hashirama is the only challenge to Madara on the battlefield, but an omnipresent one. Especially as the war between the Uchiha and the Senju picks up in the wake of Tajima's death, Senju Butsuma battering them relentlessly with attacks as he seeks to take advantage of any unsteadiness caused by the change in leadership.

Usually, Madara could take advantage of the fact that he's a sensory nin and Hashirama is not to avoid confrontations he can't afford to have. But either the Senju has his chakra completely concealed (coming back from a mission perhaps?) or Madara is even more tired than he thought, because neither of them realize the other is there until it's too late to pretend they haven't seen eachother.

Madara is painfully aware that if he ever could defeat his childhood friend, he cannot now. And that's what leads to him being backed up against a tree —a terrifying position to be in against a mokuton user— with Hashirama looming over him.

"Madara..." Madara almost growls at Hashirama as the Senju heir draws out his name, looking at him with big concerned eyes as though they are something other than enemies

"Madara, you're starving."

"What, are you offering to feed me?" He bites the words out, sarcasm lining his voice. No point in denying something so obvious Hashirama has likely known it for several fights now.

Unlike the harsh tone of Madara's voice, Hashirama's is calm and cool, seriousness replacing the worry of a moment ago. "Yes."

Madara chokes. He must look like a fool, gaping up at Hashirama in the dead silence that follows the Senju's proclamation as his brain tries to process what he just heard.

"Are you insane?!" He demands when he regains the ability to speak. Desperately trying to figure out what the Senju could possibly want out of this, especially as the damn fruit tree reaches up to undo the clasp on his pauldrons.

"Do you still remember, what we talked about as children? Our village?" Hashirama's voice is quite, no need to shout above the din of battle to be heard in this little space amongst the trees where it's only them. "I had never met anyone else who believes in the same things as me. I still haven't."

Hashirama pushes the pauldron off his shoulder and lets it fall to the ground, dropping the pieces of armor made to protect his neck —be it from swinging blades or a vampire's fangs— without a second thought.

"And I know it's more complicated now then when we were children, but you lead your clan now, and it's only a matter of time before I lead mine. I can't do this without you Madara," he finishes, staring Madara in the eyes as though he's never even considered that he might need to fear the sharingan.

It's not fair, to have Hashirama standing over him, talking about dreams and offering him a long buried childhood fantasy on a silver platter. From back when things weren't so bad yet, when he might've been always hungry but he hadn't been starving, and the sting of hunger had been softer, ignoreable. Even if playing with Hashirama —full to bursting with energy and strength, life spilling from his every action— brought it to the forefront.

How many times had he nearly confessed his clan name just to beg for a bite?

It's more than Madara can ignore. Not with Hashirama standing there willingly divesting himself of the armor that would keep him safe from Madara's fangs.

Hashirama lets Madara flip them around, so the Senju is the one pinned to a tree now, Madara's arms caging him in. (Not that a mokuton user with his back against a tree is that much safer if Hashirama does decide to attack.)

They are pressed into eachother's personal space, well within stabbing distance in a way any skilled shinobi should never let an enemy get.

Hashirama tilts his head to expose his neck,

And Madara bites.

He can hear Hashirama's soft gasp as Madara's teeth sink through skin and muscle, then the first taste of Hashirama's blood hits his tongue and he has to stop himself from moaning aloud. It is savory and rich and the first real food Madara has had in ages. Hashirama tilts his head a little more to allow Madara better access and the dizzying euphoria of Hashirama's blood rushing into his mouth almost overwhelms him as he takes swallow after swallow.

Vampires aren't like humans, there is no need to come off of starvation slowly, they are built to gorge.

He is dimly aware of when Hashirama goes from supporting himself to collapsing back against the tree and clutching the back of Madara's robes, but it still takes a moment for him to register what that means.

Fuck. Rationality pushes back against the mess of instincts and bloodlust. He has to stop. Humans can only loose so much blood, and if he takes anymore Hashirama will die and he can't— he can't loose him.

The cold wash of fear is enough to unseat the desperate need for more from it's throne and he pulls back.

One of Hashirama's hands comes up to tug him back down before he gets very far. Tangling in Madara's hair and urging him back towards his neck with more strength than a man who's just lost almost half his blood should possess.

"I can heal, remember?"

Right, Hashirama's damn healing factor.

The one that let him be stabbed through the lung as a teenager and just keep fighting the sword's extremely surprised owner, now using the very katana he'd just been stabbed by. (That was still Hashirama's favorite sword. It was a very good sword.)

Of course that would extend to blood loss as well. Of course—

Madara lets Hashirama pull him back down, and this time he looses himself in the dizzying rush, attempting to bury himself in Hashirama's warmth as he greedily sucks down all the blood, all the life Hashirama is willing to give him.

He's not sure how long it is before he releases Hashirama's neck for the second time. This time he lingers, letting his breath ghost across Hashirama's skin. No need to pull back before he gives in to the urge to bite again.

When he finally does pull away it's not far, only just far enough that he can look into Hashirma's eyes again, before he shifts his weight so that he's leaning against the tree as well. Bringing his arms around from Hashirama's shoulders to cradle the back of his head as he lets them slide down the tree, until they're both collapsed onto the roots at the bottom, all tangled up together.

One of Hashirama's hands comes up to cup his cheek, thumb brushing across his face to wipe away his tears as he leans forward until his forehead is resting against Madara's.

Madara's not sure when he started crying, but he can't bring himself to stop now. The sheer overwhelming relief of being fed, of being full, for the first time in his life is too much.

They're both breathing heavily, and for all that Madara isn't supposed to need to it feels incredible. There's a rush in his veins and a pounding in his chest, and he's never felt warm like this before; not the quick burning flash of katon, but suffused throughout him. Like part of the sunshine he can see in Hashirama every time he smiles has been tucked into Madara to keep the cold away.

There's that same blinding smile aimed at him now, and leaning in is easy, pressing lips against lips. First in a brief, feather-light kiss, then again in a stronger, surer one as they find their place against eachother.

Madara can still taste the blood coating his mouth, but that doesn't seem to deter Hashirama in the slightest.

And it's wonderful. A confirmation that everything that was between them as boys still is, as though Hashirama letting him drink from him wasn't all that and more.

Curled up together, sharing breath, sharing warmth, sharing life, Madara can see the future like he hasn't been able to since he was a child.

Senju Butsuma needs to die soon.

Bonus:

"Madara," Izuna hisses as Madara stumbles blood-drunk back into the compound, "what did you do?! Eat a village???"

[orbital-inclination]

Nightmare and rem, with ‘I’ for the ask prompt!

Prompt: I. Broken glass. WC: 927 Feat, angst! again! tentatively takes place in that unnamed AU i have going on. Nightmare and Rem argue about ethics and family. that's it. That's the fic. Thank you for coming to this ted talk, no i'm not sure how i got that from “broken glass” either.

----------------------

“Now, why would you do that? Really, Rem. You must work on your temper.” Rem gritted his teeth. He shook his hand and the numbness from his knuckles. Shards of glass sang with sickly sweetness as they fell from his wrist. “Shut up.”

“Watch how you speak to me. I can’t have my men getting the wrong impression.” 

Rem scoffed. He plucked a shard from between his metacarpal and brushing off his sleeve, stepped away from the cabinet. His frustration and anger and worry had gotten the better of him and he’d punched it on impulse. 

To put it simply, his soul was not used to being immersed in so much negativity. The negativity of this universe was overwhelming enough on its own but it was worse here, where Nightmare claimed his throne.

He felt less in control of his magic by the day. The thought scared him.

“Drop the pretense. We both know they’re more than soldiers to you.”

His counterpart stiffened. The tentacles slowed their languid movement. Rem eyed them warily. They almost seemed to have a mind of their own. A mind that sometimes betrayed his alternate’s first impulse. Occasionally, that first impulse was violence.

“Or...” Rem began just as slowly, aware of the very fragile line he was treading. “... are you not ready to admit that, yet?”

“Your attempts to provoke me will not succeed,” Nightmare finally deigned to turn around and look at him, hands clasped behind his back. “Speculation goes both ways. Did you think I wouldn’t catch the pity you feel for them? Killer tells me you’ve been smuggling snacks to Horror.”

Rem kept his face carefully blank. “I wasn’t aware food was something that could be smuggled in your own house.” 

“Ah, but this isn’t your house. This is my house and in my house there are rules that must be followed. One of those rules is that we adhere to a time when we eat and when we don't. I’ve implemented such things for a reason.”

“Rules that I might add, are useless as they are unnecessary.”

Nightmare scowled. “You are too soft with them.” “And you are too strict!” Rem snapped. “Do you not see how much you are holding them back?” Nightmare’s teeth flashed in a restrained snarl. “I do not appreciate what you are insinuating. Do you realize where they would be without me? Without us? Deadend timelines with no hope of a future, of change of any sort. To be stuck in that corpse of a plane for eternity is a cruelty even I would not wish on my worst enemy.”

“Because you provide this ‘choice’—” Rem lifted his hands to make air quotes. At this gesture, Nightmare felt truly affronted. “—you have grown complacent. Do you really think you have their loyalty, when all you have offered them is the bare minimum?”

A strange expression eclipsed his counterpart’s face. Rem did his best not to smirk. “Do you understand my point now? Loyalty is a choice. If given the chance to have something better, what do you think they will choose?”

A low threatening rumble thundered through his counterpart’s chest. He rounded on Rem, to do what, he wasn’t sure, but then Nightmare froze, and almost as quickly as he had turned, that growl transformed into a laugh.

“Ah! I see now. This was your attempt at sowing discord! Bravo.” he shook his head. A step taken forward, and Rem took one step back. 

“A decent try, I must admit, but you underestimated my confidence. This fear of abandonment... It was something we once shared. That’s true. But we’ve diverged enough from each other that fear is no longer relevant.” Nightmare smiled cruelly. “By the nature of the work they do for me... where else would they go? Who would take them in? They have no one. No place to call home. No family left but what little comradery they find in each other... oh? You are disgusted by my words again. Is it not the same for your den of thieves?”

“I would never pretend to offer a choice that did not exist.” Rem hissed. 

“Ah, you heard about what happened with Dust, hm? What happened with him was unfortunate but necessary. But I suppose I can't expect you to understand this. After all, it is more critical for me to feed on a constant source of negativity than it is for you. I wonder... perhaps that’s where this softness comes from. You can feed yourself easily enough in your universe, comparatively. But I am almost always hungry.” 

Nightmare’s eyelight, that deep sea foam green took on a malevolent glint and that Rem did not like. A shiver ran through him, of what could have been; a future he’d narrowly avoided by chance. If he had not sidestepped that axe, if Dream had not returned when he did… was this the kind of person he would have become? 

“I wonder how your brother handles his hunger? Afterall, you are actively chipping away at his source of strength, bit by bit.”

“I am not hurting him,” Rem said defensively. “I am alleviating the curse. The less it’s fed into the weaker it becomes, and the less strain he’s under!”

“Are you?” Nightmare said, softly and wickedly. “Or are you just limiting his potential? Perhaps it's not that he is enduring under too much positivity, but not enough. Consider if the solution to your problem is counter to what you believe.”

He felt sick.

Nightmare grinned. “Well... it’s something to think about, at any rate.”

[erisenyo]

Hi! For the writing prompt, how about: "What happened doesn't change anything" for Jetko?

For this prompt game! (And also this one!)

(Can be read as a follow up to this prompt fill)

“What happened doesn’t change anything, you know,” Zuko says into the shockingly comfortable silence, grass tickling at his cheek as he tilts his head to eye Jet's face.

“No?” Jet asks after a beat, not looking as he passes over another leg of stolen pig chicken, cold and worse for wear for being shoved into a sack but somehow still just as good as anything Zuko’s ever had in the palace. “What’s not changing, then?”

“The tax structure is still full of loopholes that let corporate and private wealth mix,” Zuko says around a mouthful, ignoring manners for the first time in…a long time. “Lady Tang is still useless at best and corrupt at worst.”

“I know which one I’d put money on,” Jet snorts.

“Leadership structures are still completely disaggregated outside of localized enclaves, which makes cohesive solutions near impossible,” Zuko continues, ignoring him as familiar frustration sparks in his chest. “As evidenced by the ongoing banditry problems in the northwest—”

Jet grins, sharp and amused and looking rather pleased with himself as he pops a slice of moon peach into his mouth.

“—which all means that I’m still going to show up in Ba Sing Se next week to discuss renewing treating provisions,” Zuko says, words coming fast and hot and tight now, fire suddenly roiling in his chest, “And it’s still going to be the exact same conversation as the last time, and the time before that, because everything is still the same and nothing will have changed.”

“Hm,” Jet hums into the silence like Zuko's voice isn't ringing between them, lazily offering over a pilfered dumpling without taking his eyes off the stars. “Is that all?”

“I’ve barely even started,” Zuko bites out, snatching the unfortunately delicious dumpling out of Jet's hands and aware that his chewing can best be described as sullen as he transfers his glower up at the sky, frustration clogging up his chest and sinking claws into his gut, tangled and sticky and Agni’s tits but Zuko is so tired of trying again and again to move the exact same—

“It changed for those people, you know,” Jet says, idly twisting a stalk of grass between his fingers. “Those people in the village,” he adds when Zuko just frowns at him, confused. “A corrupt overseer like Ri Mei being gone?” Jet finally glances over, catching Zuko’s eyes. “That matters.”

“Until the next overseer shows up,” Zuko points out, because this is the fifth reported case of administrative mismanagement in four years in Lady Tang’s province—or, well, not reported, at least not officially, but—and Zuko knows how a situation like that breeds lion vultures.

“So it changes for a day, then,” Jet shrugs, eyes wandering lazily over Zuko’s face. “Some people have a few more coins in their pocket and a bit more food on their table.” He flicks the half-eaten dumpling in Zuko’s hand, pointed. “That’s still a change.”  

“Does it even matter, though, if it keeps just going back to how it was?” Zuko asks, hearing the words coming too hot, frustration huge and knotted in his chest and about so much more than just this. “That village is still going to have to find more coins than they have, and give away more food than they can afford, and it’s going to be the exact same kind of person doing it to them.”

And Zuko is still going to be back in the Fire Nation. Pushing against stodgy traditionalists and talking himself hoarse for suspicious aristocrats. Clawing and bleeding, sometimes literally, for every inch and scrap and—

“I mean, you’re right back here, aren't you?" Zuko says before he can catch the words, frustration or maybe something else lashing outwards even though he tries not to do that anymore, he tries, but Agni, sometimes it's just too much. "With a band of kids—"

"There's some teens and young adults in there, too," Jet says, infuriatingly unconcerned.

"—calling them Freedom Fighters—"

"It's a catchy name."

"—and living in trees—"

"Well you get taxed on the ground."

"—ambushing passing carriages and—” Zuko snaps his mouth shut, Jet slowly raising his eyebrow when Zuko just keeps his lips pressed flat, fingers twisting into the grass as he tries to grab back his control.

“And?” Jet prompts when Zuko doesn’t continue, looking almost amused. “Don’t hold back. Keep going, let it out.”  

“And so what’s changed?” Zuko bursts out before he even realizes he's given himself permission, almost a relief to voice it, the words coming out nearly desperate, pleading. “It’s been nine years and it’s still—it’s just—you’re still…”

“Doing the exact same thing, hoping this time it’s different?” Jet finishes after a moment, face aloof and vaguely smirking like none of this matters but the words quiet, level, almost unbearably soft.

“Yeah,” Zuko says after a beat, squeezing his eyes shut and sucking in a deep breath that barely fills the sudden emptiness in his chest now that his frustration has blazed through him. “That.”

“Maybe not,” Jet allows after a long moment, surprisingly easily, the grass rustling beneath him. “But these kids I have because they ran away from home.”

Zuko frowns, cutting him a sideways look, almost more wary to find Jet looking thoughtfully rather than angrily back at him.

“They left home,” Jet continues, catching Zuko's eye and going to pop his blade of grass into his mouth before seeming to realize it isn't wheat. “They didn’t have to go," he explains, giving Zuko a lopsided smile. "Their home isn’t gone.” He flicks the grass away, raising his eyebrows. “You think that doesn’t matter?” he adds, eyes drifting to Zuko’s scar, and Zuko swallows, suddenly not sure what to say.

“And hey,” Jet says, suddenly rolling onto his side toward Zuko, head propped up on his fist and expression almost curious as he looks down at him, “Do you think it doesn’t matter that we threaten audits now instead of drowning entire villages to drive the soldiers out?”

“Wait,” Zuko says, “Wha—"

“Or that Fire Nation citizens being formally subject to Earth Kingdom jurisdiction within Earth Kingdom territory doesn’t matter?” Jet continues over top of him, smirking when Zuko snaps his mouth shut in surprise again. “Or that tax assessors being compensated by the number of properties they assess in a quarter instead of as a percentage of the value of their assessments doesn’t change anything?”

Zuko blinks, startled. “You know about…”

“Everyone might not know that the Fire Lord nearly walked away from the second treaty renewals over that,” Jet says, amusement flashing over his face as Zuko winces at the memory, “But Xi Jing Port made plates with your face on it to commemorate the signing,” he says, dry and knowing, “So I’d say at least a few people noticed.”

“Ah,” Zuko coughs, feeling himself flushing despite his best attempts otherwise. “They, um. They made plates for a lot of people.”

“They did,” Jet hums, smirking at him. “I only smashed yours though.”

“…Uh,” Zuko says, eloquent.

“It was a very good likeness,” Jet explains, reaching over to drift his fingertips down the line of Zuko’s jaw. “Quite distinct.” Over the lower curve of his mouth. “Recognizable, one might say.”

“Ah,” Zuko says, clearing his throat a little. That...yeah. He did wonder…

“Every bit matters, Your Majesty,” Jet drawls, somehow managing to make the title sound both sarcastic and entirely sincere.

“…Yeah?” Zuko asks, shivering a little as his lips move against Jet's thumb, the sudden flare in his chest bright this time instead of raw, clean instead of tangled, edged with that familiar fluttering thrill.

“Yeah,” Jet says, smirk slow and thumb pressing just enough to make Zuko part his lips as Jet adds, soft, seductive, “You win the war by revealing one hidden secret firebender at a time, after all.”

It takes Zuko a moment to register the words, but when he does he lets out a startled burst of laughter, inner fire sparking bright in his gut. Jet grins down at him in answer, for a moment just as bright. Then he rolls up fluid and easy to straddle Zuko's hips, his gaze wicked and knowing when Zuko’s laughter cuts off just as abruptly as it started.

“And besides,” Jet purrs, bracing a hand next to Zuko’s head and leaning over him, slow and languid like he’s savoring Zuko under him just as much as Zuko is trying to cling to every bit of Jet’s weight over him like this again. “Can you really tell me,” he murmurs, Zuko caught in his half-lidded gaze, “That these moon peaches—” a cool slice of fruit suddenly pressing against Zuko’s mouth. “—don’t taste just a tiny bit sweeter—” gentle, insistent pressure, Zuko unable to do anything except part his lips. “—because we stole them back—” fruit sliding against his tongue and Jet’s fingers on his lips and Jet watching like Zuko is opening for something entirely different. “—from someone who was never supposed to have them in the first place?”

And Zuko can’t do anything but sigh his agreement, sweetness bursting over his tongue, clinging to Jet’s fingers, lingering on Jet’s lips bright and clean and edged with a familiar, fluttering thrilled when Zuko finally tugs him down to taste it.

[grrrasya]

My take on Luca Balsa

so i finally wrote down everything I think of him!

disclaimer: everything stated here is not canon nor do i claim it to be. it's just my interpretation, so if you hate it or don't agree please just keep scrolling, thanks!

When Luca arrives to the manor he is in his late 20s / early 30s. He's also a Balkan (Serbian) man.

Timeline: He leaves his home around 17–18 years old, joins Alva's research around 19-20, the incident happens, after being postponed with his death sentence a lot, he spends several years in prison, then he's bailed by the Baron, then he spends some time in the outside world, trying to survive (all of this to make him desperate to join game) and then he gets his invitation.

Appearance + body: he's 5'8, has dark green eyes, coarse straight dark brown hair, sometimes put in a neat ponytail (on his good days) or messy almost loose one (on his bad days), and tan skin (idk how it's properly called in English). His hands are rough from working with electricity. His injured eye is bloodshot, the surrounding bruise never seems to heal. He can see with his injured eye, but it's pretty useless. His body is littered with scars, malunion fractures and lichtenberg figures. On his bad days he needs to use a wheelchair or not move at all, and sometimes even on his good days he has to use a cane alongside his leg braces. He suffers with tremor, hyperkinesia and sometimes migraines. Because of his time blindness and poor hygiene, he usually has stubble. He tries really hard to maintain his neat appearance, but it's usually too much for him. His voice is quiet and hoarse after the incident, his screams are silent, his vocal cords are damaged. He is underweight and quite malnourished because of his lack of awareness of his health, his life in and after prison etc. Also, he has issues with his digestive system due to extremely sudden shift from nobleman to prisoner lifestyle.

Episodes - there are times when his body "malfunction" do he gets amnesia again, pretty bad migraines and cannot control his body properly. It's hell for him.

Character: he's extremely academically smart. He's naturally intelligent, well-educated (not only in engineering, but generally in natural sciences), enjoys art and literature. He's trying to be energetic, optimistic and extraverted, but it's just a mask from his life as a nobleman. Without it, he's quiet, focused on his work (sometimes to the extreme), doesn't require any human company, most likely uninterested in any romantic/sexual relationships, closed off and prefers to keep personal stuff to himself. He likes to help other people, he's kind, yet he does not trust people easily after all that went through. He doesn't feel guilty about Alva's death. He does not consider himself in the wrong or even think it all happened because of him, he thinks he might be wrongfully accused, and even when he thinks he might really be guilty, he does not feel any repentance. He was right, he could never be wrong.

Some random hcs:

He's extremely proud and thinks of himself highly, although it doesn't help him with self-loathing. He's better than most in the manor, he thinks, but still worse than himself in the past. He idolizes his past self a lot. He has violent outburst when something does not go his way (only when it's about his research) or he's getting closer to one of his episodes. Deep down he knows, that his research is doomed, and he cannot invent a perpetual motion machine, but he still continues, because he is too proud to admit that he's wrong and was wrong all of this time.

He HATES his in-game name. He sees it as extremely disrespectful. Everyone outside matches call him "Inventor".

He keeps a journal about everyone's "betrayals" (even if it was the most miniscule situation possible) as he turned extremely vengeful after the accident and is afraid he'll forget everyone's "misdeeds" if he doesn't write them down.

When he just got stuck at the manor, he avoided everyone. Several months later he became more used to people and even more social.

He remembers even the smallest details about everyone in the manor, because of his documentation in journals.

After Frederick's arrival in the manor, Luca refuses to play piano for others, as he was too annoyed with attention Frederick got with his first "concert" for them.

Luca's plush rat (from Identity V x Sunshine City Prince Hotel collab) was bought by him to sooth his anxiety and nightmares post-prison. He did bring it to the manor with his other belongings. It doesn't have a name, because Luca feels that it would be pointless to name an inanimate object. Andrew gave her a name later - Sabine.

That's pretty much it! Thank you for reading my ramblings. Stay tuned for Andrew + Lucadrew!!!

[darlingdivasworld]

HAISY: AN ANALYSIS

You guys are well aware of how obsessed I am with this ship. Them not being canon sometimes haunts me at night. I don't think I'll ever be ready to let them go. They were the only thing I took away from Season 8b besides from Clude and Kenzie.

After rewatching their scenes for the umpteenth time and feelings of revulsion towards the off screen and only like 3 on screen "romantic" scenes between Pascale and Heath, I felt the need to disect their feelings towards each other.

"Ew. Respectfully." - Daisy, Season 8 Episode 15

From those 2 words alone, I'm already intruiged in their dynamic, although very hostile from Daisy, but this only elevates them. Heath does everything in his power to come across as likeable to Daisy, which is ultimately (and temporarily) useless as Daisy believes Heath is still the mole. Heath's humble nature heavily contrasts with Daisy's pride and stubborness. Anyway, they work through their troubles and are made the Nationals duet partners which guarantees more screentime (as much as you can get when you're still sharing screentime with ex A-Troupe members). They both noticeably wear green in their outfits, highlighting their predetermined connection.

"I've done a lot of duets and I really like this one." - Heath, Season 8 Episode 18

Kingston comes in to help with duet, and both Daisy and Heath feel the pressure of being critiqued. The duet partners, after some time, decide to confide in each other about their feelings of doubt. If it wasn't obvious in Episode 15, it's crystal clear that these two are going to fall for each other. Even the TNS writers were onto this, evidently shown through their "moment" before Kingston interrupted them. He even states in his talking head, "I feel like maybe I'm interrupting something. I don't know what, but... something."

"As much as you think you're the one who's hurting right now, you hurt me a lot worse." - Heath, Season 8 Episode 21

I personally believe that this episode showcases Daisy's crush on Heath. I would also like to bring in the trope - A fell first, but B fell harder. Daisy IS B. Do you not see her using the excuse of more rehearsal time just to spend more time with Heath and her several questions about whoever Heath is meeting up with? Anyway, Daisy catches Heath meeting up with Lucien and Grace, and *angsty miscommunication* ensues. Now, I'm a hater for the miscommunication trope, BUT it is used so effectively here that I can't complain. Daisy does damage control on her feelings by reverting back to her former self and antagonising Heath. This obviously breaks Heath's heart because Daisy no longer trusts, temporarily breaking their connection.

"When we dance together, I know you won't let me down, and I need you to know that I won't let you down either." - Daisy, Season 8 Episode 25

It's the day of the Nationals duet, and Daisy and Heath are on bad terms. To rekindle their relationship, Daisy "kidnaps" Heath and forces him to clean mirrors with her while they talk about their feelings. Ignoring the logistics of time, their shenanigans are endearing and entertaining. Ships have different factors that help elevate them, and Haisy's banter, which is filled with humour, makes them all the more loveable. Daisy gives Heath a heartfelt apology, allowing them to make up and perform well in the duet round. ALSO, when it's announced that TNS have won Nationals, Daisy and Heath hug each other instinctively. Just thought that should be mentioned.

"Now it's just because I think you're really great Daisy and I want you to know that." - Heath Season 9 Episode 1

They're back and better than ever! Their chemistry and banter are off the charts alongside their newly established colour scheme of green and purple. Daisy wants to give Heath a present, but Heath inexplicably refuses it, causing Daisy to walk off. Ethan suggests to Heath that he should just get her a present so the two of them can exchange. Unfortunately, tickets to Daisy's favourite band are too expensive, so they can't go together, but Heath still buys Daisy a ticket regardless just because he knows it'll make her happy. THEY'RE SO IN LOVE I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF.

"I'll never have another duet partner like you." - Heath, Season 9 Episode 4

Ariana and Grace steal Daisy's bowstaff, preventing her from making A-Troupe, but as karma (and the power Daisy holds), Grace is unable to make it onto A-Troupe Daisy and Heath walk into a darkly lit Studio A as Heath rambles on about taking Grace down. However, Daisy has accepted her fate and reminds him that she wasn't prepared. Heath disagrees, claiming, "Daisy, I don't know if I can move on from this." This equating to everything they have together, duh! They have an emotional goodbye duet and hug for an eternity before finally letting go. The second that Daisy walks out the door, the remaining lights turn off, symbolising how lost Heath feels now: "I don't know what I'm going to do without Daisy." I bawled my eyes out when I first watched this, and a little bit of my heart aches every time I rewatch it.

In conclusion, Haisy remains an un-canon ship, which is baffling to some extent but also a relief as the writers couldn't break them up in a ridiculous fashion and have them never talk to each other again following the break up. Regardless, they were the highlight of Season 8 and showcased the writers' ability of character dynamics and drama relating to those characters which strengthens the relationship instead of being its detriment. (Thank you Kenzie for pairing them together, your service as dance captain is truly appreciated.)

[anystalker707]

Let me hold you

Pairing: Fun Ghoul x [gender neutral] Reader Word count: ~ 800 Genre: Drabble / Comfort / Angst Summary: Ghoul wasn't aware the pain was that bad when he tried to hug you. Kind of content: Intense pain description

Requested by @sw33tsuccubus

MASTERLIST

          “You sure you’ll be fine?”

Jet had xyr eyebrows furrowed together as xe looked at you, keeping crouched behind the car door in order not to be hit or spotted so easily by an enemy. Like you did. You don’t know what came over you, but you were just stuck to the ground when the Drac pointed their gun at you and just shot right on your side. Goddamnit. It would’ve probably been worse if Jet hadn’t shoved you, but xe at least brought you back to the Trans AM to rest on the backseats for now. The wound had you curling up in pain.

“Yeah,” you breathed to Jet, your breath hitching in your throat and being released with a whimper when your clothes grazed the wound. The shot had already burned your skin badly, and it was all so hot in the car. The clothes kept grazing on the wound. Your last meal would sometimes threaten to make its way up your throat.

A loud bang cut through the air and Jet cursed under xyr breath, muttering about being back later before running off with xyr gun in hand.

“You okay? The fuck happened?” The sudden voice made you jump and flinch when your clothes grazed the wound again, but there stood Ghoul, probably knowing about your state because of this damn sixth sense sorta thing he had for you.

You took deep and slow breaths in an attempt to clean your mind and avoid pain; pretty much useless. “I’m fine,” you finally replied. “Just got shot by a Drac. Only a graze.”

Ghoul opened his mouth, about to say something when he just scurried away. Just the usual. You rolled your eyes, looking at the same spot inside that crumpled car that felt a lot like an oven while trying not to throw up all over it and not to pass out due to the pain, sitting as still as possible. The pain was temporary. It would pass. You’d not even remember it later. It is okay. You’ll be fine. Deep breaths.

Footsteps sounded closer and you saw Ghoul in the mirror before he showed up again, sitting on the edge of the seat. “Oh, baby,” Ghoul sighed as he looked at you with a frown. “Do you need cuddles?” he mumbled as he scooted closer you tensed up, but tried to remain still so your clothes wouldn’t graze against the wound again. Ah, shit. “Can I kiss it better?” He just kept moving closer, not getting the hint whenever you avoided the touches. “I’m sure I’ll be able to help if I hold you. Come on, let me—”

The moment Ghoul touched your side, it didn’t only hurt already but the way you shifted also made the clothes rub against the skin. “N-No! ‘M okay, I swear, I’m okay!” Your voice was way louder than you intended it to be as you curled up and your ears were filled with that ringing sound. Your vision went blank, your mind feeling like it would explode, all for those mere minutes that felt like ages; you could swear you’d empty your stomach right then.

Ghoul frowned as he observed you, finally understanding how bad it was. Ah, fuck. He felt so powerless.

          The ride home was troublesome, of course. Poison’s reckless driving had you curling up in pain, though it was inevitable—the risk of having Dracs after you guys was something worse than a short ride home with you curling in pain, as terrible as it sounded. You had to continue curled up on the backseats after arriving back at the diner because standing up alone was still too much.

Ghoul was there with you, whatsoever. He wouldn’t leave your side, not when you were in such a situation. He felt like you’d disappear if he looked away for too long, but he kept holding your hand, sometimes kissing it as softly as possible just so he could show you he was still there.

It felt like forever for both of you until you finally pulled Ghoul closer. He felt all giddy, smiling as he hugged you as gently as possible. He kissed your temple, still worried despite all of it, touching you as if you were made out of glass. The discomfort was still there, thankfully at minor levels. 

“My baby,” Ghoul whispered endearingly, scooping you up on his lap with a sigh. You only hummed in response, head against his shoulder, and Ghoul was relieved you were more active. “I’ll take you back, okay? We’re going to fix this wound of yours and help you feel better,” he whispered gently, peppering your face with kisses and mumbling sweet words between the kisses. “Sorry about earlier, okay?”

You sighed. “It’s fine,” you mumbled in response. “I’ll be okay.”

Ghoul nodded. “I’ll make sure of it, baby.”

 ‿̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿

[baatarthefirst]

True love’s kiss/breaking a curse

Janaya

Queen Amaya...

The Corrupted Queen, Amaya...

Janai always knew Amaya would be a great queen, but not like this. She fell in the library; corrupted. What happened after was... surprising. She was a monster, vicious, but not wholly without a spirit. Whether it was because of her pure heart, or they'd just not given their fallen brothers and sisters enough credit was a mystery. In any case, they weren't even aware of the situation until it was too late.

There were occasional reminders that they should go...put Amaya out of her misery, but the sun seed, Karim, and the end of the world had taken priority over her gone-but-still-walking fiancée. It was hard, Janai's heart was shattered, but she was still the Queen of the Sunfire elves. She put off dealing with the corrupted general while she built the foundation of the city they'd planned together; Nova Aurora.

Five years of misery, the procrastination was over. With the hospital up, along with a few other key buildings, Janai couldn't put it off any longer, and she had to do it herself. What they found there... restoration. Overgrowth cleared, buildings repaired, an organized force of corrupted beings. The infected who'd survived the first purification, humans who'd been lost in the attempt to reclaim the city; none able to speak, all signing KSL. Amaya turned a seemingly mindless mob into a functional society.

-Janai.- The Sunfire Queen shuttered at the memory of Amaya at the head of a vile army atop a corrupted banther. Her smile familiar, filled with love even, but the worst version of it. It froze Janai in her tracks. -I've fixed your home. No elves here, no humans. We can live peacefully together.-

Someone grabbed her cape to get her moving, to retreat; their little squad could not outmatch an army. Janai ran, but not before seeing Amaya's right-hand man, Corvus, address her love by another title.

Lux Aurea was renamed Lux Horribilis, General Amaya became Queen Amaya. After a few attempts failed, one corrupting Gren, they gave up. Queen Amaya would protect her land fiercely, but seemed to have no inclination to gain more, so Janai declared them a nonthreat, with the condition that they would be closely watched.

Every full moon, Janai would take Embertail for a ride. She would stand outside the edge of the city at dusk. Amaya would stand on the the outer wall. They would stare longingly, exchange a few words of love, longing....annoyance in Amaya's case. The human was the worst version of herself. But as good as Amaya was, her worst version was little more than an irritable, insensitive ass. Janai had met much worse people who didn't have the excuse of dark corruption.

Sometimes an arrow would carry a letter of invitation to rule by her side. Once or twice, a traitorous voice whispered 'just one little scratch, and you can be together'. One night she actually let herself wonder what the corruption would turn her into. But she never let herself be swayed, she couldn't give up who she is; Amaya would never want her to if she did.

Callum came up with a solution, something old, deep. He had a light to drive out the corruption, there was one problem; she had to accept it. Any resistance whatsoever would dim the light, rendering it useless. Janai could carry it, she could get Amaya to take it one way or another.

She shallowed the light just before their full moon meeting and mounted up. She wanted to leave immediately, but there was one thing she had to do first. She apologized to Callum, for what she told him after they realize Amaya and Corvus had not survived the night 'You killed Amaya!'. Callum had been a boy, not a soldier. Amaya wouldn't have blamed him, she shouldn't have either.

Janai stood outside the walls of Lux Horribilis, and as usual Amaya stood at the guard station looking down on her. When the arrow was sent, this time she nodded. The gates opened, and she came face to face with her fiancée after nearly a decade of separation.

Janai cupped Amaya's face, Amaya smiled that terrible, loving grin. Janai leaned in, and Amaya leaned up. If it didn't work, Janai would be corrupted, she knew that; she didn't care. She kissed her fiancée, the light flooded into Amaya. The guards saw this and forced Janai to feel the city.

Six months later, at high noon, a visiting royal requested an audience. An uninvited guest, how wonderful...Janai was not in the mood for this. She permitted it on Kazi's word that she'd want to speak to them, it must be her chess-by-mail partner, King Ezran.

"If it pleases Her Radiance," A herald called from the entrance of her throne room, "may I present Queen Amaya of Lux Horribilis."

That caught Janai's attention. Amaya, her love, came through the entrance flanked by Gren and Corvus. They came before and bowed. Janai froze as she took them in. There were signs of corruption, red pupils and slightly unnatural tint to their skin. But she looked Amaya in the eyes. This was an Amaya no longer under any influence.

-True love's kiss to break the curse?- She smiled, her easy, soft, playful smile that Janai missed so much.

"Something like that." Janai spun Amaya around and pulled her close.

-I brought you something.- she pulled the pouch off her belt and carefully pulled out a pressed flower; a crimson orchid. Janai kissed her.

.....

The cure spread like the infection had, one little scratch at a time. Amaya couldn't in conscience leave until everyone was back to normal...or as normal as they could be; it'd taken her all those months. They tried to fix the sunforge, only to find that while it couldn't harm them, they couldn't help it.

Many people wanted to relocate to Nova Aurora. Others, notably those who'd built a life in the dark city, wanted to stay. Janai didn't argue, they were immune to corruption now, there was no reason to. Amaya chose a successor and abdicated.

Years later, a subrace of elves and human would be officially recognized. Queen Janai and Golden Knight Amaya ruled over the sunfire elves from the palace in Nova Aurora. When tucking their kids into bed one night, the youngest asked why their human mother's eyes looked funny.

Amaya told them the story about a brave soldier, cursed to be a monster, until an even braver queen broke the curse with true love's kiss.

[phantasmiafxndom]

I’m pretty sure you said basic asks for TokyoRev are open (sorry if i misinterpreted, I feel like my English gets worse by the day T_T) so what would the dynamics for the TokyoRev boys be in the A/B/O AU?

I included all of the characters from what I've done for the Hybrid Au in this, so... I hope it's everyone you wanted to see? >3> For those unfamiliar with my particular style of A/b/o Au stuff, here's a general info post I'd done for another fandom.

. . .

Takemichi — Beta: Despite his Alpha-like tendency to make everyone else's issues his problem, he's not as pushy or aggressive about it as a typical Alpha would be. Unobtrusive, easy to trust, and easy to be around because he doesn't feel like too much of a threat to anyone.

Mikey — Beta: His instincts are an erratic disaster of wanting to protect everyone around him (often from himself) and desperately needing someone to look after him. The dual-ended extremes are draining; he often wishes he could shut them all off...

Emma — Omega: Perfectly content with it, too! She doesn't mind being spoiled at all (in fact, she quite likes it), even if that means playing up her "helplessness" sometimes. It makes people happy to take care of her, so isn't it fine to enjoy it a little?

Draken — Alpha: Pretty classic Alpha behavior all around, especially the part where Mikey probably couldn't survive without him. Highly protective of the people he cares about, especially when his softer side comes out around someone who truly needs him.

Baji — Alpha: More of the violent kind. He's not fully aware of what his instincts want, beyond that beating the shit out of anyone remotely threatening is a source of great pride. While he can be much too impulsive and thrill-seeking, his intentions are (usually) good.

Chifuyu — Beta: And mostly normal about it. He's fairly stable and level-headed overall, though he still does have his aggressive moments (like everything involved in keeping up with Baji), and more of a desire to be cared for than he likes to admit.

Mitsuya — Beta: The adaptable kind. He does what the people around him need, whether that's a more Alpha-like protector or something a little softer. He doesn't care much how people perceive him— and others often find it difficult to tell what dynamic he is.

Nahoya — Alpha: It's not immediately obvious, but once you realize it, it makes perfect sense. Most of his instincts are directed at his brother, who he's constantly doting on. More caring than he seems, especially when someone seems to truly need it.

Souya — Omega: A total baby of one, at that. Despite his grouchy face (and a desire to be a little more independent), he's heavily reliant on his Alpha brother to make him feel safe and doesn't do well on his own. Highly clingy toward those he's gotten attached to.

Sanzu — Omega: Overcompensating so hard. He feels small and weak and useless, so he does everything possible not to show it. He's terribly needy at his core, however, and does an awful job of taking care of himself without someone around to keep an eye on him.

Senju — Beta: While she has a protective streak and solid moral compass, she's also prone to ending up pushed into unfortunate situations. Pretty neutral overall, and perpetually confused by how other people's instincts make them act so weird.

Kazutora — Beta: Not handling it well. He's desperate to be loved and cared for, and has developed a terrible complex about not being Omega-like enough to deserve it. Another one whose instincts often make him erratic, especially when he gets jealous of someone.

Kisaki — Omega: The manipulative kind, at that. While he's nowhere near as tough as he likes to think he is, he's still very skilled at getting other dynamics (especially Alphas) on his side by presenting himself as harmless and good to keep around. Yes, Hinata is an Alpha here.

Hanma — Omega: And relentlessly weird about it. Delights in his dynamic just because of how much it freaks people out when they realize it. No one has any idea what's going on in his head, but he seems almost immune to normal Omega instincts. Almost.

Taijuu — Alpha: Highly protective, which manifests in all of the worst ways. He's the possessive, pushy kind of Alpha who acts like that because he has absolutely no idea what else to do with himself... and partially because he's convinced he has to behave a certain way.

Yuzuha — Omega: With her household's situation, she has to make herself tough enough to look after her brother. Deep down, though, she really just wants someone to take care of her instead, for once. A lot softer than she seems, though she hides that softness well.

Hakkai — Omega: Also a total baby about it. While he's also had to step up in his own ways (and the constant abuse has done very bad things to his mental state), he's still all kinds of needy... which his sister has encouraged a little more than she probably should have.

Inui — Beta: His sister was an Alpha, so he's got all kinds of identity issues about his dynamic by now. While he's naturally kind of neutral, he's never quite sure how he's "supposed" to act, and tends to present himself more aggressively to fit with certain expectations.

Kokonoi — Omega: And the constant stress he puts himself under is not doing his mental state any favors! He's made himself capable and self-sufficient enough to stand on his own, but underneath it all, he's surprisingly needy, and truly sick of having to do everything himself.

Izana — Omega: Another of the manipulative ones. He's prone to vicious jealousy and possessiveness when he feels close to someone, and the behavior those feelings bring out isn't pleasant. Craves attention desperately, but can't trust it when it's given to him.

Kakuchou — Alpha: He's the kind of Alpha whose instincts come before reason, more often than not. Loyal, protective, and determined to be a strong and capable caretaker, he's well-intentioned, yet a little too reliant on others for his own happiness.

Ran — Beta: While he usually seems relaxed and unbothered by instincts at all, the reality is that he's simply adaptable— whether it's being a protector to his brother or more lazy and demanding, he's usually just doing whatever he feels like in the moment.

Rindou — Beta: Aggressive and stubborn enough to be mistaken for an Alpha sometimes... though certain bratty tendencies seem more the opposite. The reality is that he's every bit as "in the moment" as his brother, regardless of how his behavior appears to others.

South — Alpha: Not that he at all knows what to do with it. Being constantly surrounded by violence has twisted his idea of what an Alpha's instincts want, though, so he ends up using aggression in a misguided attempt to find some sense of security.

[giratina-plushie]

Hi. I'm an unsuspicious anon asking this unprompted. [holds out hands] spare Melli thoughts?

hi completely unsuspicious anon who i was not literally just talking to about this topic. thank you for allowing me to subject my followers to the melli thoughts that i have in my brain

so like. i know melli is not well loved. i am so fucking aware of this. i personally upon watching him walk into a room in the first youtube letsplay i watched of pla immediately got attached and decided This One's My Favourite, Actually, but i don't pick normal favourites so that's par for the course. people think he's annoying. he is so fucking mean to the player character and also everyone else. i didn't realise how mean he was until playing the game and like holy shit he is an asshole sometimes. However.

theres this line sourced from bulbapedia (that i did not know about until WELL after i started being Not Normal about melli but it provides a good basis) that is "According to Mai, he used to be very shy and withdrawn, until he one day announced that he would work hard to help Adaman." So You Can Imagine Where This Is Going

melli is such a complex character. and like i havent played through the entire game so maybe he has even More stuff going on that im unaware of but from what i can tell, he's Like That because if he isn't Like That he doesn't know what to do with himself. fake it til you make it sorta deal. he Has to be the best and he's gotta keep telling himself he is the best or he starts floundering. he's very set in his ways which arguably isnt a good thing, he is wrong Frequently, but he also really just has adaman and the clan's best interests at heart, he's just. Like That about it

one really interesting thing to me is after you catch the first sinnoh to come through the rift (in my case palkia, which miiiight affect how this turns out?? but i don't know) he essentially goes to adaman and says "if you do not give me something to do right this moment i am going to fucking die" and like. i saw that and was like oh he is stressed stressed. this man is straight up not having a good time and his orders are currently to just... wait? stand around? the world is falling apart around his ears the rift is spewing out energy (right over his beloved moonview arena and lord electrode, too) and he isn't being told to start doing something? he can contribute, you know, he's not useless and adaman should be giving him something to do so that he doesn't just have to stand there feeling like he is useless

i do not think he should have insulted lian by the way he was mean to a nine year old about his funny hat and like don't do that melli that's not nice :(

but there's a REASON he's worse than usual during that period of time!! the world is currently Fucking Exploding, adaman is refusing to get him to do anything because there's not much he can do, and so he is panicking ! and that comes out as Just Really Rude To Everyone regardless of how much he cares about them. like that's the first and only time he's mean to adaman i think. and yknow obviously that's not a good way to express that you're having a Bad Fucking Time but he doesn't really seem to know how else to deal with it

it's very important to me that people understand melli is full of love. he's not just an asshole who is so mean to you ! he cares SO DEEPLY about lord electrode, which is why he's so set on you not unfrenzying it. he's just. wrong. and absolutely terrible at accepting that. he loves moonview arena, he loves the clan, he loves dialga, basically everything he does in the game is fueled by one of a) being absolutely terrible at accepting when he is wrong b) not knowing how to function without hyping himself up at every turn and c) being so full of love for the things around him he makes bad decisions. love is stored in the melli!!! you have to understand this!!!! it's in there!!!!!

in conclusion:

[hyliasblade]

Stats

Note: This blog is run as if the character themself is using the website, and so all posts will be considered to be in-character unless otherwise stated.

This Link is based mostly as a mix of Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword’s Links, but technically he is all of them, since he’s been all of them. This version doesn’t exist in any of the canon games, just… after? I guess? He remembers each of his incarnations, too. Ultimate Link™, I guess??

This takes place maybe a couple centuries after BOTW. Not sure what TOTK is going to do with the timeline yet, so until I've played it, we'll be disregarding it for now. I know the Quest page says something slightly different, but I'm writing this like months after that, so this is what's canon for this particular blog.

(Don’t underestimate him based on his disarming demeanor, this man is a fucking beast in battle. If you are a Threat, he will Destroy. He is the epitome of Bite Maim Kill but only if he has to be.)

Hey guys I wrote a whole ass abridged story for this Link’s totally legendary adventure: check it out here. (click the ‘quest’ link or type hyliasblade.tumblr.com/quest if tumblr fucks with the hyperlinks again I fucking can’t with this website sometimes istg)

GENERAL

Name: Link

Birthday: February 21

Age: 21

Gender: Link (He’s Just Link)

Pronouns: He/they

Orientation: Zelda (probably bi, actually)

Abilities: Wields the Triforce of Courage, and has some sort of influence over the way time flows around him, or his own movement through time (Can speed up/slow down/pause his own passage through time, I guess). Very strong for their size, and contains an immense amount of courage (and foolhardiness) to face any threat no matter how terrifying.

APPEARANCE

Hair: Dirty blonde, about shoulder-length, very messy, usually hidden under their signature green cap.

Eyes: Vibrant blue

Height: 5'3" He is Tiny but he is Mighty.

Tattoos: The symbol of the Triforce, emblazoned on the back of his left hand. He was born with this symbol, and it represents his possession of the Triforce of Courage.

Piercings: Simple ear lobe piercings, usually containing blue hoops.

Scars: Link’s body is littered with battle scars, big and small. Usually the most noticeable are a scar creeping up his neck from under his tunic, and a gash in his right ear.

HEALTH

Physical: Link suffers from chronic pain due to all of the injuries he’s acquired in battle in his life, mostly joint and nerve pain. He tries extremely hard not to show his pain and exhaustion on the outside, but it’s often much easier said than done, and just as often takes far more energy than it’s worth, but he can’t have Princess Zelda noticing and worrying, now can he? (Princess Zelda still does notice and worry, despite Link’s best attempts)

Mental: Lifetimes of pain and trauma, including the trauma Link has experienced in this life, have given them some severe PTSD, alongside other mental health issues. They’re so used to being hurt, used, and then tossed aside like the tool they’re meant to be over and over again that the idea that they could be anything but a useless weapon after their destiny is fulfilled once again is almost preposterous to them. Still, he tries to keep his head up and make himself useful in anyway he can, for better or worse.

OTHER/MISC

Link is left-handed. This isn’t super relevant but it’s very important that you all are aware that Link is a lefty king.

This iteration of Link is selectively mute; they’re able to speak but struggle with it quite a bit. He can usually speak to Zelda for the most part, but with others, it’s a bit harder. Uses Hylian Sign language when speech evades him.

Simultaneously No Thoughts Head Empty and Many Thoughts Head Full. Knowledge and memories of all of his past lives leave him a bit confused at times, and unsure when and where he is. Zelda also has this problem from time to time, and the two of them help each other ground themselves in the here and now when these episodes happen.

Forget Ganon and Demise, Link’s true nemesis throughout lifetimes is cuccos. Those little shits are up to something, and Link is going to find out what that is.

Link is a hose boy. This is extremely important.

Tumblr is fucking killing me deleting this link over and over again and I’ve fucking had it up to here.. Go to hyliasblade.tumblr.com/misery . This is the most important point of all.

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

hi, thanks for answering, i appreciate it. also that you didn’t just call me toxic or some shit and tell me to fuck off. i’ve actually never thought of joining a discord server but it’s a good idea, thank you, i think i could try that. i guess on another account though to prevent anyone from accidentally finding out bc you know for yourself how it is. i’ll look up if i can find some kind of dbt workbooks online as well.

the journaling idea is good as well, i’ve actually been trying for a while but i end up rarely using it as a past experience left me with kinda bad trust issues about writing / drawing things down where someone could see them. but i guess i could try hiding it better this time or something. it’s just this thing that also sometimes venting like that actually ends up making me even more frustrated, as i realize i’ve already written about this exact thing countless times before yet still nothing has changed.

i’m trying not to make a too harsh judgement of my therapist yet, considering i haven’t been seeing her for that long, but… yeah. when i said that i’ve been going to therapy for years i meant going to a lot of different ones in this time. no one ever gets me. their advice is always so fucking useless. honestly at least this current one actually listens and doesnt make me feel uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. i think she’s the one i’ve been the most honest with because of that (and also because i just started telling her everything from the first session on already bc i’m tired of everyone always turning out to be nothing but a waste of time and money and effort), i generally lie to therapists esp my psychiatrist so i can get the meds i want (or else im 100% she’d just put me on some shit like antipsychotics, which ive been on in the past and i’d honestly rather kill myself than take them again, idk if you’ve tried them before but i basically felt r*tarded [idk how some ppl are sensitive of slur use like i personally dont care but i dont want your blog banned or smth] and tired all the time and it “”””helped”””” in the way that it made me too slow to be able to think about my problems. thanks psychiatry. not a traumatizing experience at all). i mentioned that i suspect i could have a personality disorder to her once or twice and she seemed to agree that it could be a possibility, but obviously no one can diagnose that fast. but i guess i’ll see. i really just want to know whats wrong with me, why do i think the way i do, why i can’t just be more fucking normal no matter how hard i try. but getting an actual diagnosis of a PD esp if it turned out to be this one would just mean i’d get treated even worse by every single doctor, not even necessarily a mental health one, bc physical doctors see all your records as well,, i’ve already been told my legitimate physical issues are just bc im depressed, or even if they dont straight up tell me they definitely treat me less seriously and i just know its bc i have mental illnesses diagnoses & im female.

i just … ugh. i feel so sick of it all and misunderstood. i know i can get genuinely abusive in arguments when someone upsets me but i really dont know how to stop or control myself. i hate that people act as if it’s all my fault. like everything i’ve gone through doesn’t even matter and i’m just an inherently evil person. like i didn’t have some kind of a terribly traumatic childhood, but i’ve always been either bullied or excluded by almost everyone i’ve ever met and all the social isolation honestly really fucked me up. i think that’s why i developed such a strong individuality complex as i’ve never been able to think all of it must be simply because i’m worthless. like fuck no, 99% of the people are dumb and shallow and ignorant towards reality of the world and i’m supposed to feel like i’m somehow worse than them? at least i have self awareness and my own thoughts. i mean i do think we’re all worthless because nothing in life has any value, so why should humanity be the exception? that still doesn’t stop me from hating everyone though. i may be a hypocrite but so is everyone else; and at least i don’t pretend to be a gOoD pErSoN. lacking empathy and not having morals doesn’t make me any less deserving of help even though i know how many people unironically believe people like me should just be shot. fucking brainless hypocrites, all of them.

but anyway yeah my point here is, fuck people who think anyone chooses to be this way. all of this has done nothing good for me other than made my life much harder. and not to mention unable to ever get genuinely close to anyone because what is the worth in a relationship if i can’t even bring myself to care about anyone? i don’t think “empaths” even realize how alienating it actually is. which is once again so ironic because THEY should be the ones to try to understand it, but no, they just generalize everyone and share the nonsense propaganda that we’re incapable of change.

so yeah, this turned into another vent but i really lack any people in my life who i could be honest with. i feel so lonely all the time. it’s not even really missing a friend group or romance or physical touch, it’s more of this feeling of feeling completely alone and that no one (other than a few people whose writings and actions i admire but they’re all dead) would ever be able to truly understand me. so yeah as cheesy as it is, sometimes it’s nice to be reminded i’m not alone by someone other than a generic social media post made by someone who’d 100% hate me if i told them even half this shit. can i maybe dm you sometime btw? i felt like staying anon while writing this bc i tend to get anxious with ppl at first but idk, maybe, if youre comfortable with that ofc

btw if its alright to ask can i ask how did you get diagnosed? what was the process like and how long did it take? did they suspect anything else at first? do you feel treated by ppl any differently now tjat you have a diagnosis of such a stigmatized disorder? (^ i mean these previous questions if youre diagnosed by a psych, if not its perfectly valid as well ofc) whats personally helping u to cope?

Good luck! I’m glad I could offer some help/reassurance. Maybe instead of a physical journal you could use a private blog or even just a notes app on your phone/computer if that sounds safer?

I do hope things improve with your new therapist and that things work out, it’s good that she at least agrees you might have a PD. Normally I’d recommend a therapist who specializes in PDs, maybe even especially NPD, but idk if that’s accessible for you and/or if you’ve already tried it and had no luck.

But again, I want to reiterate that you’re not alone, and what you’re going through and what you feel is 100% relatable to other pwNPD. I truly wish that more people understood us and the irony isn’t lost on me that it’s always “empaths” who are the ones who have the LEAST empathy for us. And I feel like the societal lack of understanding contributes to the more “ugly” or “stigmatized” traits of our disorder even more, tbh. Anyway, my point is that I definitely don’t mind at all if you vent, so please do feel free to DM me if you want to or feel more comfortable that way!

As for my diagnosis, it’s a bit messy — for context im a recent graduate from college and the bulk of my therapy came from campus services, where it was acknowledged I very likely had a PD especially within cluster B but I never got an official diagnosis while I was seeing the school-based therapist, and at the moment I’m trying to find a new therapist who can help me. At first we thought I just had a really intense form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria due to ADHD, then realized it was likely something else. So I’m a weird mix of “self diagnosed, but likely wouldn’t have admitted it to myself or realized it if a professional hadn’t pointed me in that direction.” Until I can find a professional im honestly just doing the best I can to help myself. Sometimes I get tempted to turn to substances to cope bc they make me softer and more open, and if you feel the same way I highly recommend avoiding this, ofc. I mostly use relatable music (lmk if you want my NPD playlist!) and DBT workbooks as a way to help myself, and I also just try my hardest to avoid or remove myself from situations where I might lose my cool and become toxic. Obviously this is easier said than done, but there are ways to do it. For instance, if I’m in a group chat where I feel like people are getting more attention than me, I’ll mute the group chat and maybe text someone from a different group one-on-one (not necessarily about my issues, just in general).I know that answer is pretty mild and entirely social media based lol, but it’s the best example I can provide.

[marisdisry]

Entry IX: 08.31.2024

I love my grandmother, she saw my wrist and immediately her first thought was, "are you in a frat?"

Time sure is interesting.

But the fact I have to regularly fund my own stress relief because p0rn addiction is too damaging is kind of annoying. It's pretty funny too, the fact that a nerve-ruining, mentally-shitting form of pain is less ruinous to the population than p0rn. Blades get rusty quickly so I do my best in always covering them properly and only slit once a week. Not like my schedule would give me more time, anyway.

It's also been a while since I last wrote, I finally got a twitter account so my small number of mutuals get the brunt of my thoughts. Which includes the usual depression and occasional fixation on webcomics I read. Most recent finished one was Oyasumi, Punpun.

There's too many feelings for me to cry properly in the end, but a chapter that hit me like a ten-wheeler does an unsespecting animal was the one where Midori violates him. She was the only relatively parental role in his life, but I doubt all his depression stems from that moment, maybe his sexual habits did though. I see myself in Aiko, devastating in the way she explained her thoughts on love and how she wishes to be saved. But worst of it all, I developed a crush on Punpun Onodera. It's pathetic, I'm all too aware.

I think it's the way he does a complete 360 once finally having Aiko in his grasp. But even before that, something about him triggers this need inside of me to care. To coddle his hurt feelings in my arms and pour every ounce of motherly warmth he never felt in all the years he has lived. Tell him, "you're not so bad. Even as worthless as you are, you could be my world if you let me." I don't care to improve his life, only to see him smile and relieve the thoughts that plague him into insanity.

I loved it. Although I understand how people reacted to the manga, saying things like it's the saddest piece of literature out there or that it changed their brain chemistry. Maybe I'm just dense, but I didn't get any of that, I don't relate to most of the fandom and it makes me feel moronic. I thought it was wonderfully written in showcasing how people change and how cruel the world can get when you're useless and damaged. How love is formed in every way, even damaging.

Maybe I'll write fanfiction about him, who knows? My fixations run deep sometimes.

It helps me out of the days where I think to just drown myself lol.

The reality that this is no longer just a teenage phase is starting to get... scary. What if I never recover? I try, no matter how rarely, I do try. But it seems everything just gets worse — from the eating, to the thoughts and the cutting. What's there to recover for anyway, though? I'm not even BMI 17, I haven't gotten beans, not even a single attempt. I need to get worse. I'll never be valid enough to fuck if I'm just mildly sad or the type to restrict 1k only to binge 3x a week. No.

It's either get so bad and die, or die trying.

This is still fucking stressful. But being with my grandmother helps relieve some of it. My oldest uncle died though, and my cousins are a mess. I'm strangely calm. And have eaten at least 3k calories. Why can't I just end it all.

[myths-of-fantasy]

Year of the Rabbit - Ch5, The Oath

When a woman dies and becomes a warrior bunny, only shenanigans can ensue. Or, that time Rimaru got a rabbit bodyguard that immediately declared war on a demon lord.

Chapter Directory | Previous | Next Chapter | Ao3 Link

| | | |

One week.

Shizu was unconscious for one, full week. Seven long days of Black Bunny being absolutely furious with herself and weakness.

She had hardly been able to do anything to help Shizu - unlike Rimuru, she didn’t have a flame resistance to speak of forcing her to keep her distance, but she also didn’t have any abilities that could affect Ifrit. From what she had observed in this world, lightning and fire were disgustingly close to each other and despite the power of [Thunderbolt], the fire elemental had barely been affected. The earth abilities she’d tried had been summarily nullified, [Appraise] finally informing her that abilities were strong against earth ones. Sure, her [Gust] and [Wind Blade] had successfully cleared out the body doubles but she hadn’t landed a single, damaging attack against the spirit. In the end, she’d been forced to flee from the flames like a fucking coward, leaving Rimuru to perform the bulk of the rescuing. 

She’d never felt so jealous of anyone as she had Rimuru when he simply consumed Eren’s [Icicle Lance] and promptly had a weapon to use.

She had been so useless in that fight. 

What was worse was that it didn’t have to be that way - she’d caught the essence of water once before, when she was seeking her [Electricity Manipulation]. It wouldn’t have even been difficult to learn, it’s energy was so similar to the free, dancing spirit of wind; just deeper and a touch more… ancient, she supposes, like there was centuries of hidden knowledge beneath its depths. She could’ve learned water manipulation and had something she could use, something that could’ve helped…

Shuffling on the bed broke her out of her self-pity spiral, her ears shooting up in alert as Shizu slowly turned her head to look at them.

“Shizu,” she breathed, relief overtaking her as Rimuru bounced forward. She’d woken up, surely that was a good sign, right? She was conscious and aware, in a coma - that had to mean she was alright. But Rimuru’s fragile slime body was trembling all the same, looking down at her body and a few strands of her hair seemed to be bleeding white.

Well she’s older, Black Bunny reminded herself. If she’d been a child during the bombing of Tokyo, she should surely be elderly by now. And she’s heard that sometimes, extremely stressful situations could bleach your hair - even your eyebrows. If having a greater fire elemental forcibly yanked from your body while it tried to completely possess you didn’t count as ‘stressful’ she didn’t know what would.

She distracted herself from these thoughts, reaching out to the cup of water they’d had sitting on standby.

“Here,” she said, offering it up. “A dry mouth never feels good.”

Shizu blinked slowly, then gently as if her muscles were too weak to push any harder, nudged the cup away.

“No… thank you…” she murmured.

 It made her frown a little, it only sounded like she needed the water more but she couldn’t make the other woman drink it. She obligingly set the water down and bounced back over. 

“I don’t know how to make ibuprofen but Rimuru has these recovery potions - they’re great Shizu, better than anything else that’s been made in a while-”

“Black Bunny.”

She stopped to look at the blob resting beside her.

“What?” she inquired. “You have plenty of those things - and my skill said that it’s more than enough to-”

“Black Bunny, it won’t work.”

“...what do you mean?”

“...It seems… according to Great Sage… that Ifrit was extending her life,” the slime said, and she got the feeling he was trying his best to talk as delicately as he could. “Something… happened. This was the only way it was going to turn out. Either Ifrit took over or…”

No.

No no no no no no no-

Impulsively, she reached out to Rimuru  with [Empathy].

He’s lying. For some reason he’s lying-

[Empathy - Grief, Melancholy, Reassurance, Affection]

“No!” she denied. Her skill was wrong - he was lying somehow, tricking her. He’d done it! He’d sealed away Ifrit and removed her curse! The recovery potions were strong enough, they had be strong enough - she could just take them for a long time or something, like a chronic illness. And it would keep her alive and Black Bunny could show her all the good things about this world, all the stuff she never got to experience and she’d see the town be built if she could just get her to take the potions-

…that… wasn’t what Shizu would want, was it?

Almost robotically she turned back to the woman laying in the bed, watching blankly as more and more of her hair turned white. It was beginning to affect her skin too, the muscle attached to her arms seeming to melt away leaving her  frail and weak looking. Despite that, there was a tired kind of smile on her face, small and reassuring.

[Empathy - Relief, Acceptance, Exhaustion]

“I’ve lived long enough Black Bunny,” she murmured, raising a hand to stroke her ears gently. What an awful way to find out that her species can cry, silent tears streaking down her furred face. She barely noticed Rimuru bouncing forward, the two of them now sitting together on the bed beside the dying Hero of Flame. 

“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Rimuru asked and she was grateful. She probably would’ve started full on sobbing if she tried to get actual words out right then. Shizu (no, Shiuze - she’s not going to let the rat bastard who dragged her here take anymore from her than he already did) didn’t deserve that. She deserved this peaceful, soft death that she clearly wanted after such a long life. The least she could do is wait for her to fully pass on to break down. “If we can’t save you… what about regrets? Do you have any you’d share with us?”

“...I can’t let you both take on that heavy burden.”

“Please,” Black Bunny blurted out. “If-if it’ll make you feel any lighter… we can handle it.”

I can handle this.  I’ve done this before. It’s just like dad. 

But as Shizue offered her a fragile smile, Black Bunny felt her heart break. 

| | | |

Black Bunny remained curled beneath the calmly swaying branches of the tree on the edge of their town’s limits. She couldn’t bring herself to say goodbye to the party, hell, she hadn’t been able to watch Rimuru consume Shizue’s now still body. She felt numb and empty, her mind was all over the place - initially the restless energy in her muscles dedicated to trying to heal Shizue, now it had nowhere to go. She hadn’t even told Rimuru where she was going, darting off immediately, running and running and running until she reached the slowly healing charred grounds from their battle. She’d nearly collapsed in the ash, feeling the crumbling soil beneath her paws before she saw it.

Shizue’s rapier.

It must’ve been dropped when she was freed from Ifrit, left abandoned on the ground while everyone else focused on the more important thing, Shizue. Black Bunny had barely hesitated, immediately grabbing the abandoned rapier and took off, racing until she found the first unburnt tree. 

She felt like a child again, lost and completely at the mercy of the world’s whims, unable to raise a paw in defense of her heart. It was so stupid that she was hurting so badly, she’d hardly known Shizue - they’d only gotten a precious few days with her before Ifrit took over her. And yet, it felt like her heart had been ripped directly from her chest and stomped on.

“This was the only way it was going to turn out.”

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, gripping tightly to the rapier pressed against her chest. 

It wasn’t fair that a light as brilliant and wonderful as Shizue had been snuffed out, seemed to have been fated to be snuffed out even. That it was inevitable, unavoidable that she would eventually be killed by entering this world…

She grit her teeth.

Leon Cromwell, the Demon Lord.

That bastard. 

It was his fault.

He’d rescued Shizue from hell only to trap her in a worse one, and then even worse than that, abandoned her. He traumatized her, ruined her life, then left her to pick up the discarded pieces at her feet. At least she’d had a few bright points to her life - the other summoned children that she’d been teaching, that she’d been seeking a cure for their conditions and apparently seeing Sirocco, a wind-fox had triggered a horrible and simultaneously wonderful memory of a wind-fox she’d known long ago. 

She released an angry screech of grief, digging her dull claws into her own skin and scratching furiously for a brief moment, biting viciously at herself until an steel tang touched her tongue. Immediately she shrank away, guiltily releasing the flesh from her mouth. 

I’m sorry Araya, I broke my promise, she thought to herself, silently stroking the matted fur of her arm. She retrieved one of the low-grade recovery potions, sprinkling a bit of it over the wounds trying to fester beneath black fur. It happened sometimes, when she was overwhelmed - she lashed out with the intent of making her mind quiet, seeking any method of silencing the rampaging thoughts she could have. 

The rabbit trembled frightfully, feeling closer to the earth rabbits than anything ‘killer.’

“...Rimuru was her fated person,” she recalled, absently stroking the rapier. Her fated person, the one she was bound to - a soulmates, even if not romantically. 

Emperor’s wings she wished it had been romantic, it would’ve hurt her heart a little but it would’ve been better than this. Fated to meet but never truly be together. Rimuru had made her happy, joyful to have encountered someone from the same country as her, able to provide updated memories about her birthplace. 

She looked down at the rapier in her paws. It didn’t seem all that special really, not at first glance. A simple magisteel sword that had hardly wavered from its original form. But long after the embers had died, it was still warm to the touch, almost like she was holding her paws above a hot-plate through her fur. An experimental wave sent a gentle shock through her body, as if the sword was trying to connect with the electricity she had taught herself to bend.

“...I swear it now Shizue, Demon Lord Leon Cromwell will be forced to acknowledge what he did to you,” she vowed aloud. She felt the sword heat up a little in her paws, or was it her own body that was beginning to heat up, the temperature steadily rising closer and closer to an uncomfortable level, but fuelled by grief and an overwhelming sense of failure to really care. “I swear that we will find a way for your students to survive, to become as great as you were. I swear as my old self and in this new body, I will protect everyone I care for to the best of my ability.”

[Appraisal  - You are now a Killer Rabbit (Keeper)! Notice - through the sacrifice of Empathy and Alert, you have gained the extra skill Safeguard. Notice - you have inherited The Spirit of Shizue]

“[Status],” she commanded immediately as she felt the energy of evolution dying not, the heat not leaving her this time but rather becoming something comforting, sitting gently in her chest.

Name: N/A Race: Killer Rabbit (Keeper) Blessings: None Title: Black Bunny, The 12th Commander Type: Otherworlder (Reincarnation) Magic: Wind Elemental Magic - Wind Protect, Gust, Wind Blade, Wind Drill Earth Elemental Magic - Earth Pillar, Mud Spears, Liquidize, Earth Lock, Mud Shot, Stone Edge Electricity Elemental Magic - Thunder Fist, Thunderbolt, Electrify Arts: Warren Fist (Mastered) Intrinsic Skills: [Lightning Foot] [Warren Map] [Safeguard] Unique Skills: [Prodigy] [Plush] [Swindler] [Defiant] [Oathkeeper] Extra Skills: [Wind Manipulation] [Earth Manipulation] [Fire-Electricity Manipulation] Common Skills: [Strengthen] [Appraise] [Brawler] Resistance Skills: [Pierce Resistance] [Cold Resistance] [Electricity Nullification] [Flame Nullification] Direct Subordinates: Sirocco (wind fox) Equipment: Wildfire (rapier, inherited from Shizue)

“Wildfire,” she echoed, looking over the rapier. It was a good name for a sword, even if Shizue probably hadn’t named it herself. And she’d gained [Fire Manipulation], merged into her Electricity Manipulation - no actual skills from it sos he’d have to develop those herself, but it was fine. This just cut down on the amount of work she would have to do. 

Her eyes scanned over the other changes - in addition to losing [Empathy] and [Alert] for [Safeguard], she noted that [Pickpocket] seemed to have evolved as well into [Swindler] - did that have something to do with how she’d gained these new abilities?

“...Show me [Swindler].”

[Skill - Swindler

Take two common or extra skills from a defeated enemy or fallen ally. 

Subskill: Snatch - Take an ability from any defeated enemy or fallen ally forcing them to relearn the skill]

“Well that’s good to finally confirm,” Black Bunny muttered, her stomach churning a little with residual nausea. She is taking away the ability of her opponents to use their skill, though it hasn’t quite confirmed if death is a necessity. The way the two sentences are phrased, it seems she only needs to incapacitate an enemy to gain a skill from them but her allies must have perished before she can take from them. 

Well… [Fire Manipulation] and [Flame Nullification] made two skills.

“Show me [Safeguard,]” she commanded feeling her eyes sting. She’d done enough crying today, enough wallowing in her guilt. If she wanted to change things, to keep her promise to Shizue, she needed to know what she had on her side.

[Skill - Safeguard

After bonding with another creature, you become hypervigilant of any threats to their safety and gain a powerboost when defending them. Current ward(s): Rimuru Tempest

Subskill: Bodyshield - Resist all damage when defending your ward

Subskill: Wristband - Always be aware of your ward’s location

Subskill: Heartlink - You are always able to check in on your ward’s emotions, even without seeing them

Subskill: Silent Alarm - You are alerted when your ward is in immediate danger and sense malicious intent directed towards them]

Oh.

Sometimes she forgot how much this world was based on willpower and desires. It was nice to have indisputable proof that the world wasn’t against her, that in some ways it was already helping her. She wishes dearly that she’d had this ability with Shizue, even if still wouldn’t have done much without a proper skill. On a whim, she activated [Safeguard], immediately feeling a faint ‘ping’ not unlike a mental pin moving across the mental map that she instinctively knew was Rimuru. It seemed he was coming towards her. Likely checking up on her - she had fled the room and hadn’t spoken to anyone since.

[Heartlink - Worry (Intense), Melancholy (Mild), Self Blame (Mild)]

Interesting. She was getting levels now.

“...Hey High King,” she rasped out when she knew he was in earshot. She didn’t turn around when she felt his knew palm resting on her shoulder, squeezing in what was likely meant to be a soothing manner. 

“Hey Black Bunny.”

She winced a little - ah, his new voice sounded similar to Shizue’s now. That makes sense she guesses. 

“How are you holding up?” he asked her gently. 

“...I’ll be okay again some day,” she said, keeping her gaze fixed ahead of her. If she didn’t think about it too hard and focused on what she had to improve within herself, she could almost breath easily. 

The grass rustled as Rimuru sat down beside her, folding his new legs and running his fingers through the grass. He must’ve missed having limbs - she couldn’t imagine suddenly losing access to both of her hands and her legs in the same move. She’d gotten extraordinarily lucky to be reincarnated into a creature with a more familiar layout. 

Not completely the same though, she mused to herself looking at her four-toed paw. She still wasn’t entirely sure of the mechanics behind her fluid movement and handling but she wasn’t going to question it too hard. She appreciated dexterity even without a thumb. 

“...Great Sage told me that you established a connection with me,” he broached.

Oh right, he has the more useful observe-alike.

“Yeah,” she admitted. “New skill. Lets me know where you are and how you feel.”

[Heartlink - Worry (Intense), Melancholy (Mild), Self Blame (Mild), Surprise (Mild)]

“Wow really?” Rimuru remarked, and she could feel link being curiously inspected. She got the feeling that he couldn’t really interact with it but since he knew it was there, there was nothing to stop him from at least poking it. “It’s strong - [Great Sage] didn’t even tell me it was there until the bond was already formed.”

“You inherited Shizue’s will,” Black Bunny said quietly. “You’re taking her mask and you’ll find those kids. I swore on her rapier that I would make sure those students lived, that I would force that bastard Leon to acknowledge what he did to her. And the best way to make sure that happens to make sure you live.”

She finally turned to face him, feeling a light stab axe her heart the sight of his new face. The white hair both helped and harmed her resilience, breaking up the resemblance to Shizue a little but also reminding her of the way her hair had bleached itself while she laid in that bed, slowly dying.

“I failed Shizue once. I won’t fail again.”

“...seems we have a common goal then.”

He extended a hand to her, his own golden eyes hard with determination as she extended her paw to him.

“Let’s punch Demon Lord Leon right in his face!”

| | | |

The next few days, Black Bunny really threw herself into training up her new skills and expanding her ability-set.

She knew that Rimuru was practicing periodically as well, in-between attempting to experience all of the joys that he’d missed out on without having a real sense of taste or sight but Black Bunny had no such excuse. She still had the community garden - or town farm - coming along that needed constant maintenance. Some of the plots had been burned during the standoff with Ifrit but given it had been mostly empty with little to no real sprouts, it had been the least affected of everything that had gotten burnt. Aside from that though, there was plenty of time to dedicate herself to polishing the skills that Shizue had given her.

She wishes she had been able to choose which skills of Shizue’s she inherited - [Body Double] would’ve made for a decent sparring partner but it wasn’t strictly necessary. Through a bit of experimenting, she managed to make a sort of ‘off-brand’ version of the ability, [Smoke Clone] inspired by the various clone styles she remembered from Naruto. She’d been fairly successful with her first attempt in creating an [Earth Clone] but had remembered at the last minute that earth was weak to fire - and she wasn’t sure if having [Flame Nullification] herself would be passed onto her clone. [Thunderbolt] has certainly cooked her first attempt - which was strange to think about given how electricity worked but then again, it was usually the force of the lightning itself that killed you rather than the current. 

With a proper training partner situated, Black Bunny had set to mastering the three abilities she remembered Ifrit using the most during their standoff.

[Firestorm] has been the easiest to master with its similarity to the way she used [Thunderbolt]. Having inherited [Fire Manipulation], she already knew of the warm, energetic and sometimes rambunctious energy of the flame so she didn’t have to waste any time learning to identify the essence and could jump right into condensing magicules from the air. When they built up to the point she started feeling as if she was holding a tarp full of superheated marbles, she released it.

And promptly changed tactics to learning how to create a basic magic barrier after being scolded by Rimuru for nearly setting the town on fire again. 

It turned out the name ‘Wildfire’ wasn’t just for show and the way Shizue had used the rapier had turned it into essentially, a bladed flamethrower that supercharged all fire-based attacks it was used with.

They had gotten a feast out of it but Rimuru had also pointedly set aside time to teach her Magic Barrier then banished her to the Sealed Cavern for the rest of the day until she was confident she wouldn’t set them all on fire.

She had also taken it upon herself to levy a sheepish apology to the understandably angry dwarves whose supplies she’d ruined and handed over the silvers needed to expedite a shipment of new material from the Warren and Dwargon alike.

With a greater respect for sheer potency of her new abilities, she made the tactful decision to practice [Fireball] within the safety of the Sealed Cavern. It was a bit harder to master, finally introducing her to the key difference between using [Fire Manipulation] to other elements. Unlike [Earth Manipulation] where she could shape it into a solid form and count on it to stay, or [Wind Manipulation] which was eager to move and all she needed to do was give it direction, Fire required the careful balancing act of shaping and directing the flames without smothering or releasing it.

See, without direction and control, the flames would explode from her palms all willy-nilly with no shape and grasp onto anything in reach. If was a good thing she’d inherited [Flame Nullification] or else she would’ve charred herself with that first attempt. 

But when she tried to correct herself and mold it, she’d found that too much pressure or control tended to kill the spark before it could truly be lit. Sure she’d gotten the ability [Smokescreen] out of it but it wasn’t what she’d been going for. It had been challenging to find the proper balance between a guiding form and a loose leash but once she got it down, it felt like she’d accomplished something seriously impressive. 

[Fire Lance] was the easiest of the bunch once she’d understood what she was doing with fire essence in general. It was borderline the same thing as using [Mud Spears], albeit with even less form than [Mud Spears] required. It ended up being a pretty fun ability and she’d spent a night  launching [Fire Lances]  at the various monsters that crossed her path to improve her aim, giggling to herself in a mildly concerning way if the look on Rimuru’s face when he dropped in to check on her said anything.

Ah well - wandering through the caves had also provided her with an unexpected skill evolution.

Her intrinsic ability [Warren Map] had become the more general skill, [Mental Map] after she’d tried to learn [Magic Sense] for its translation abilities while trying to use her ability to ‘mark’ certain crystals as she traversed through the tunnels in an attempt to keep herself from getting lost. Clearly she’d done it wrong but the side-effect of doing it wrong wasn’t a bad one this time.

She bounded from the tunnel at a more lax pace than she normally would. She’d called her training to an end early today given she had planned to help the goblins and the dwarves assemble walls. Her small size rarely conveyed her actual physical strength and although she often struggled to get a good grasp on her targets, when she had the leverage she could easily lift a goblin child above her head without even augmenting her strength.

<Black Bunny, come quickly!] 

She jolted as Rimuru’s [Telepathy] echoed through her head, the bunny immediately taking off as his location pinged in her head again. 

<What’s wrong] she asked.

<Attackers - Ranga is injured]

Black Bunny snarled and pushed herself harder, bounding through the trees like a ninjas. She would have to take some time be properly excited about how much she felt like a character from Naruto - why does she always discover the coolest things about herself at the worst possible times? 

Luckily they weren’t far from the Sealed Cavern - Rimuru must’ve been training in one of the other tunnels before he responded to the hostile situation. She landed in a crouch on one of the branches, high enough to see the entire situation.

Being small and having black fur is just unfair sometimes, she mused to herself, narrowing her eyes at the newcomers standing tensely in front of Rimuru who’d placed himself between them and the rest of their team.

[Appraise], she declared immediately staring down at the strange being with the drawn katana.

[Appraisal: Ogre (Swordsman) - a powerful demihuman race primarily hired as mercenaries. Threat Rating - B]

Damn, B? How could we have possibly provoked them?

Her long ears perked up, taking in the tense conversation happening below.

“-even if it can’t make up for loss our tribe, your head will make a decent consolation prize!” the red haired ogre growled at Rimuru.

Loss? Black Bunny caught immediately, narrowing her eyes. So this was an attack of revenge then, revenge for something they didn’t do. …probably anyway, she’s pretty sure the damage of her [Firestorm] had been mostly to the edge of their town and the unfortunate collection of magical beasts that had wandered there. 

<I’m here> she told Rimuru all the same, grasping the hilt of Wildfire. <What are your orders High King?>

<It seems they’re too worked up to talk to normally so we’re going to have to fight it out.>

<It seems to be retaliation, High King.>

<Retaliation?>

<The red one mentioned a ‘loss’ - it sounds like the fleeing monsters might have been a sign of something more serious than my [Firestorm] after all>

<...hmm, then they’ll only listen if we force them to. Wait for my signal, then defend Gobta and the Security Patrol.>

<Understood.>

“Ranga, which one of them is using magic?” she heard Rimuru ask aloud.

<The one they call their princess>

“Then I’ll leave her for you to subdue, leave the others to me.”

<But master, that mean you intend to fight five opponents at once?>

“It’s not a problem,” he said, turning to face the ogres. “I won’t lose.”

<Get ready.>

Black Bunny tensed, coiling her muscles as the red ogre laughed aloud.

“Is this courage or complete stupidity?” he mocked, raising his sword in the beginnings of a combat stance. “Really, I applaud your guts - but I won’t run from this fight.”

Black Bunny didn’t even need Rimuru’s mental shout of ‘<Now!> before she’d sprung from her branch, flipping forward as she drew her sword. One might think the action was unnecessarily showy but it wasn’t just for flourish and style.

Her sword clanged loudly against the red-haired ogre’s with equal force, using her body weight to keep it so.

“Wha-”

A small explosion erupted between the two of them as Black Bunny flipped backwards, this time pushed by the energy of the explosion and landing on her feet. She slid back a little, landing just in front of the unmoved Rimuru and raised Wildfire again in a menacing way.

“You have intruded upon the jurisdiction of the great goblin village,” she intoned coldly. Just because she felt a bit of sympathy for whatever their loss was doesn’t mean she could let them get away with attacking Rimuru outright. “Please leave or you will be forcibly removed.”

“Forcibly removed?” the red ogre snarked. “By who? You?  I could punt you with my-”

“Careful big brother!” the magic user cried, grasping onto the swordsman’s arm. “That rabbit… her power…”

…ah, if she could see though Shizue’s mask, it only makes sense that she could see through [Plush] as well, Black Bunny mused. Her unique skill [Plush]... it seemed to have been born from her desire to see Araya safe, to be a comforting presence to all who could need it. And so the ability concealed the threatening energy that would usually convey her power, instead pulsing out a wave of non-threatening warmth and comfort. Upon using [Appraisal] on herself again, she’d come to the discovery that [Plush] was responsible for her current form - why she had never gained any mass or height despite her evolutions, her initially genderless state and slightly overexaggerated proportions. Everything about herself was designed to be as non-threatening as possible.

“If you can sense my true strength, then you should know that it is in your best interest to flee now,” Black Bunny declared, wishing her voice was a bit deeper. “If you retreat now, you will free to leave without incident.”

She’d hardly finished her sentence when one of the other ogre’s appeared in front of Rimuru, raising his war-hammer over his head. The energy he gave off was hardly threatening though so instead, she sprung in-between the purple haired ogre with a spiked ball on a stick. Hmm, she can’t remember what it’s called. No matter, her superior speed and smaller size worked to her advantage here, allowing her to rapidly dodge the furious swings of her weapon.

Oh! I think it’s called a Morning Star. 

Springing from the firm shaft of her weapon, she grasped the ogre by the face.

“I’m so glad I learned this,” she remarked, before pressing her forehead to the ogre’s and activating the skill, [Nuzzle].

“Arragh!” she roared as the powerful wave of electricity jumped from her body and into the ogre’s body, locking up her muscles as Black Bunny landed on the ground.

“Too bad you don’t have [Electricity Nullification],” Black Bunny remarked with a giggle. “Don’t worry, that’ll only last a moment- oh! Nice try~”

She flashed a little smile at the red ogre that seemed stunned by the speed at which she dodged, landing on his back and lashed out with a with a sharp kick. She smirked when he grunted, slamming into the ground face-first. He whipped around, trying to lash out at her again and she merely rolled beneath it. She raised Wildfire, ready to make another attempt at overt intimidation when a frigid sensation of dread shot through her nerves.

[Alert! Impending danger at ward (Rimuru Tempest)]

Black Bunny didn’t hesitate to abandon her opponent, feeling the effects of [Body Shield] kicking in as she moved faster than she thought she was even capable of moving. She zeroed in on the wave of danger, even if she couldn’t immediately see the attacker, the intent he was giving off was more than enough to locate him. She darted across the ground and sprung up to about head-height, flipping forward and lashed out as electricity flashed violently through her body.

“[Lightning Foot]!” she roared, and kicked. Not just one, not two, not even three times. The tip of her toe crashed into the metal blade, the electricity pouring through her body, speeding up her senses. Her foot clashed against it again, again, again until she heard the distinct sound of metal shattering underpaw as shards fell to the ground, clattering loudly even on the dirt.

She landed in a partial crouch, baring her teeth in open rage and discovering that she can actually growl.

“I-impossible,” the elderly looking ogre stammered, staring down at her with wide eyes. “It sensed my [Formhide].”

“You dare to attempt such a dishonest attack on the High King!” she roared, at him feeling the skill [Coerison] activate automatically in response to her rage. The two still standing ogres staggered back, visibly paling in the face of her power. “You are lucky I aimed my kicks at your blade because the next time I attack, I will cave in your chest!”

“There’s no need to waste your energy Black Bunny,” Rimuru intoned, reaching out with his arm. Black Bunny reflexively sprung up, reading his emotions and landed on the outstretched limb and scampered up to sit on his shoulder like a pikachu, never taking her eyes off of the ogres in front of her. “I shouldn’t have underestimated them like that. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“Y-you, you monster!” raged the red-haired ogre, lashing out with an enraged flash of fire blazing over them. Had he been screaming like that the entire time? She’d filtered out his chatter for her entire battle - she’d have to work on that. It wouldn’t do if her enemy revealed its own weakness mid-battle like they were prone to doing in anime and she didn’t take advantage of it because she simply hadn’t heard.

“Sorry~” her High King practically sang, his power now thrumming through the air now that he’d taken Shizue’s mask off. 

Oh, right. The fire, ha.

She turned [Coercion] up to full blast as Rimuru strode from the column of flames, grinning devilishly from her perch on his shoulder at the way they trembled before them.

“Your weak little embers don’t have any affect on me,” he taunted, raising his palm to sky as he summoned the thick and menacing dark storm clouds characteristic of him summoning [Black Lightning]. 

…I really hope [Flame and Electricity Nullification] applies to [Black Lightning] or this is going to hurt.

“Let me show you what real fire looks like!”

| | | |

Name: N/A

Race: Killer Rabbit (Keeper)

Blessings: None

Title: Black Bunny, The 12th Commander

Type: Otherworlder (Reincarnation)

Magic:

Wind Elemental Magic - Wind Protect, Gust, Wind Blade, Wind Drill

Earth Elemental Magic - Earth Pillar, Mud Spears, Liquidize, Earth Lock, Mud Shot, Stone Edge, Earth Clone

Electricity Elemental Magic - Thunder Fist, Thunderbolt, Electrify

Fire Elemental Magic - Smoke Clone, Firestorm, Fireball, Fire Lance, Smokescreen, Fireblade

Arts: Warren Fist (Mastered), Hazy Style (Basics)

Intrinsic Skills: [Lightning Foot] [Safeguard]

Unique Skills: [Prodigy] [Plush] [Swindler] [Defiant] [Oathkeeper]

Extra Skills: [Wind Manipulation] [Earth Manipulation] [Fire-Electricity Manipulation] [Mental Map]

Common Skills: [Strengthen] [Appraise] [Brawler] [Coercion] [Aura Manipulation]

Resistance Skills: [Pierce Resistance] [Cold Resistance] [Electricity Nullification] [Flame Nullification] [Physical Attack Resistance]

Direct Subordinates: Sirocco (wind fox)

Equipment: Wildfire (rapier, inherited from Shizue)

Swindled Skills:

Dire Wolf - [Coercion]

Shizue - [Flame Nullification] [Fire Manipulation]

Hakurou - [Thought Communication]

Shion - [Aura Manipulation]

Black Spider - [Sticky Thread] [Steel Thread]

[ray-talks]

2/19/24

i had to go out to dinner today.

eating out is scary for me -- things tend to be higher calorie than home-cooked meals. it is also harder to purge in these situations; sometimes i can get away with it, or be able to once i get home. although, this doesn't always work, and today was like that. i attempted to when i arrived at home, but it was unsuccessful. this is irritating. i didn't eat an extreme amount, though, and restrained from eating more than necessary. usually -- i hate this, mind you -- i do crave food. today, however, i felt extremely annoyed at the idea of eating and didn't want to. i mean, i mentally don't want to eat, but my body does. it didn't entirely feel that way today.

my younger brother complained that he didn't eat breakfast or lunch. this made me angry -- because apparently only i can not eat all day -- and so i snapped at him for not eating, and then began to question him. he did admit that he had eaten today, just not proper meals. this made me feel a little better. i do find that when people say, "oh, i haven't eaten all day", they are being dishonest and have eaten snacks here and there. it still irks me, nevertheless, even when i know they were lying or being hyperbolic. my annoyance continued, because it is grating to be misgendered every day by my family. and, yes, they are aware that i am trans. all in all, it was a tiresome time. an irrelevant aside, is something else that has been getting under my skin, that being my parents constantly pestering me about my psychiatric medications. things such as, "have you taken them yet"; "don't forget to take them"; "you need to take them"; "i'm scared you'll get withdraws"; "just checking, are you sure you took them". it is an endless barrage. it might seem crazy what i'm about to say... these medications do not do very much to me. i am taking so many medications now, and i've taken many in the past, so why would these be any different? while i can't prove beyond a shadow of a doubt they do nothing at all, that there is a chance i could possibly get worse without them -- i am still very much mentally ill. it's all so bothersome. it makes me exhausted to constantly perform "getting better" and do all these useless things that do nothing, and i have zero interest in them. i apologize for complaining so much in this entry, but i am getting increasingly frustrated as of late.

i looked in the mirror and had the thought, "the current weight of my body is likely considered the most attractive weight for me to be". can't wait to ruin it by starving myself into the body of a sickly, emaciated victorian child (lol)! i wonder how common it is for someone with ana to not care about losing weight for the sake of appearance. sometimes i feel alienated from the ed community, as i don't relate to many experiences. i often hear people try to encourage others by saying how people will be jealous of you for your body, or that you should starve so your boyfriend will think you are beautiful. it is quite common that eds are spoken of as body-image issues. that does not apply to me at all. for me, it is all about control, to give myself a purpose/passion, and self-punishment, i suppose. i would be distressed at gaining weight, not necessarily because i would fear becoming societally unattractive, but because that does not align with my goals. i wonder if i would even be diagnosed with ana, regardless of how much i lose weight -- maybe i'd just be labelled with ednos. i guess, though, that i don't have to meet every criteria for ana to be diagnosed. it is irrelevant though, i would never want to be in a position of being diagnosed since i don't want help (lmao).

i think this is all i have to say for today. to all who read this, i wish you a good day.