#being about harming actual minorities (and then they. write a book about how much they want that to happen irl.)

[mx-paint]

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[secretmellowblog]

The thing is, Jean Valjean’s “nineteen year prison sentence for stealing a loaf of bread” from Les Mis isn’t actually unusual….not even today! I see people talking about it as if it’s strange or unimaginable when it happens every day.

In modern America — often as a result of pointlessly cruel (and racist) habitual offender and mandatory minimum laws— people are routinely sentenced to life in prison for minor crimes like shoplifting or possession of drugs.

The ACLU did a report in 2013 detailing the lives of various people who were sentenced to life in prison without parole for nonviolent property crimes like:

•attempting to cash a stolen check

•a junk-dealer’s possession of stolen junk

metal (10 valves and one elbow pipe)

•possession of stolen wrenches

•siphoning gasoline from a truck

•stealing tools from a tool shed and a welding machine from a yard

•shoplifting three belts from a department store

•shoplifting several digital cameras

•shoplifting two jerseys from an athletic store

• taking a television, circular saw, and a power converter from a vacant house

• breaking into a closed liquor store in the middle of the night

And of course, so so so many people sentenced to life without parole for the possession of a few grams of drugs.

And we could go on and on!

Gregory Taylor was a homeless man in Los Angeles who, in 1997, was sentenced to “25 years to life” for attempting to steal food from a food kitchen. He was released after 13 years. The lawyers helping to release him even cited Les Miserables in their appeal, comparing Taylor’s sentence to Jean Valjean’s.

And there’s another specific bit of social commentary Hugo was making about Valjean’s trial that’s still depressingly relevant. He writes that Valjean was sentenced for the theft of loaf of bread, but also that the court managed to make that sentence stick by bringing up some of his past misdemeanors. For example, Valjean owned a gun and was known to occasionally poach wildlife (presumably for his starving family to eat.) . So the court exaggerates how harmful the bread theft was—he had to smash a windowpane to get the bread, which is basically Violence— then insist the fact that he owns a gun and occasionally poaches is proof that he is habitually and innately violent. Then when Valjean obviously becomes distressed traumatized and furious as a result of his nakedly unjust sentence and begins making desperate (and very unsuccessful/impulsive/ poorly thought through) attempts to escape…. the government indifferently tacks more years onto his sentence, labels him a “dangerous” felon, and insists that its initial read of him as an innately violent person was correct.

And it’s sad how a lot of the real life stories linked earlier are similar to the commentary Hugo wrote in 1863? Someone will commit a nonviolent property crime, and then the court insists that a bunch of other miscellaneous things they’ve done in the past (whether it’s other minor thefts or being addicted to drugs or w/e) are Proof they’re inherently violent and incapable of being around other people.

A small very petty fandom side note: This is also why I dislike all those common jokes you see everywhere along the lines of “lol it’s so unrealistic for the police to want to arrest Valjean over a loaf of bread, there must have been some other reason the police were pursuing him. Because the state would never punish someone that harshly and irrationally for no reason. so maybe javert was just gay haha”. (Ex: this tiktok— please don’t harass the creator or poster though, I don’t think they were intending to mean anything like that and its just a silly common type of joke you see made about Les mis all the time so it’s not unique in any way.) because like.

As much as I don’t think Les Mis is a flawless book or that its political messaging is perfect….the only way that insanely long unjust sentences for minor crimes is “unrealistic” is if you’re operating on the assumption that prisons are here to Keep You Safe by always only punishing bad criminals who do serious crimes. And that’s just, not true at all. Like I get that these are just goofy silly shallow jokes, and I’m not angry or going to harass anyone who makes them. but it feels like there’s an assumption underlying all those goofy jokes that “this is just not how prison works!” “Prisons don’t routinely sentence people to absurd laughably unjust pointless sentences!” “Prisons give people fair sentences for logical reasons!” When like…no

Valjean being relentlessly hounded and tortured for a minor crime in a way that is utterly ridiculous and arbitrary in its cruelty is not actually a plot hole in Les mis. It’s a plot hole in …..society ajsjkdkdkf. And the only way to fix that is to fight for prison abolition or at least reform, and (in America) stand up against the vicious naked cruelty of habitual offender and mandatory minimum laws.

But yeah :(. I hate how Les Mis opens with a prologue saying the novel will be obsolete the moment the social issues it describes have been resolved— but two hundred years later, the book is still more relevant than ever because we’re dealing with so many of the exact same injustices.

[fixated-dark-king]

Sooo, I had the amazing experience of attending a panel C.S. Pacat was part of during the Sydney Writers’ Festival on 25th May 2024. The panel was called “Creating a Monster” (with two other YA authors).

And finally a week later (because adult-ing is hard), I had time to actually go through my notes and write up some of the fascccccinating things Pacat had to say about: monsterous heroes, and villains, and enemies-to-lovers deliciousness, and queer identity!

I didn’t want to forget some of the interesting things said in this panel and thought others might be interested in hearing about them too? Please indulge the splurge. :)

(Please note that all bold headers are just my thematic summary of each section for people to jump to, not the actual question asked.)

WHAT APPEALS ABOUT ‘THE MONSTROUS’ TO PACAT:

From a technical writing standpoint, the ‘Monstrous’ is appealing because a villain will often do an act and the hero reacts to that. It gives unconscious clues to the reader that when the villain turns up, something exciting is going to happen. In that sense, villainous characters have a special sort of ever-present attention given to them (possibly because human nature is to always keep one eye on the dangerous thing that could harm you).

On a personal level: A) When queer characters are awesome but also ‘Monstrous’, Pacat says it can feel really ‘electric’ and empowering to reclaim/allow yourself to embrace the monster role that you’ve been told you fit into by society. Like in Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles where queer people are allowed to be beautiful/glittering & powerful & witty & have existential conversations about good and evil while fitting under the Monstrous label. Like heck yeh, that’s cool. And B) as an author, you can feel a ‘minority pressure’ to have characters be Good all the time and be the perfect ambassador for that minority, but sometimes you just want to be a vampire and take over the world, you know?

THE EXISTENCE OF ‘PROTAGONIST-CENTRED MORALITY’ WITHIN THE DARK RISE BOOKS:

When pondering whether it is hard as a writer to convince readers that a Monstrous protagonist is a likeable character, Pacat pointed out that the funny thing is that the question ‘How am I going to make readers like this monster?’ never really ends up being an issue because people actually really like monsters! The thing you might not expect is that the struggle is actually: ‘How am I going to make these readers who are barracking for the protagonist feel that this ‘monster’ is actually monstrous?’

Pacat explained that when a protagonist is also a monster, it brings into play something called ‘Protagonist-Centric Morality’ -- where you bond with that protagonist and want the best for them etc, so much that it can obscure when the protagonist is actually doing something bad. Pacat mentioned that he has found the Protag-Centric Morality fairly striking in the case of the Dark Rise books because people have said to him things like: ‘The Dark King Did Nothing Wrong Ever In His Whole Life’ and Pacat questioned whether the moral centre of the story was landing somewhere different than intended. He was curious whether the other authors had experienced that with their ‘monstrous’ protagonists too.

IF A HERO IS ALSO MONSTROUS, HOW ON EARTH DO YOU DIFFERENTIATE THAT FROM THE VILLIAN? When pondering over the distinction between a Monstrous Hero and a Villain, Pacat shared some thoughts from his lived experience. He said the times when he has felt most threatened by the ‘Monstrous’ is when that person isn’t clearly identifiable to others around you; where there isn’t a shared understanding between everyone that ‘yes, that person is a monster’. Extending from that, the Truly Monstrous is when that person has some kind of control over you and control over the narrative as well; if the monster is the one telling the story but casting you as the monster. Essentially gaslighting via ‘narrative control’.

ENEMIES TO LOVERS TROPE:

This is Pacat’s absolute favourite romantic trope. And he elaborated that he doesn’t mean that in the sense of ‘these characters sort of don’t like each other’, but rather to the point where two characters really hate each other and for a very good reason. He likes when a path between two characters feels IMPOSSIBLE to overcome.

This trope was first explored in the Captive Prince trilogy and Pacat loved it so much he just had to use it again for the Dark Rise trilogy. The planning behind it for CaPri was brainstorming: ‘What is the worst thing I could think to use?’ (Answer: Killing a character’s brother, which lands the bereaved character into a set of hellish circumstances.) But that meant when Pacat decided to use it again for DR, he had to extend that to: ‘Now I need to think of something EVEN WORSE THAN THAT (CaPri)’ in order to separate the main characters. So Pacat had to spend ages thinking about what could be the absolute worst thing to use this time -- and he hopes that he came up with something that is ‘truly, truly way worse.’ Which essentially had everyone, including the moderator, laughing loudly in fear. XD

WILL KEMPEN: FOUND FAMILY & THE LONELINESS OF INAUTHENTICITY:

Pacat spent a lot of time trying to develop a really meaningful platonic friendship between Will and Violet. It meant a lot to see a friendship like that reflected on page for Pacat because some of the most important friendships of his life were across gender lines. The reception to Will and Violet has been so pleasantly surprising, so Pacat supposed he wasn’t the only one with a hunger for that kind of friendship within the romantasy genre.

Pacat also reflected on Will’s complex relationship with his Found Family -- that having the support of a Found Family can be so essential, but in Will’s case that lifeline is undermined by secrecy, turning that Found Family into a different kind of loneliness. Because the thing is: if something so immense happens to you that you feel you can’t talk about, or you feel some way about yourself but think you can’t share that with others, it means you can’t really be your authentic self. But if you’re not being you’re authentic self, who are your friends friends with? They can’t be friends with the true You; they can only be friends with a facade/with a performance. So as long as Will is scared to show his true self and remains hiding himself away from even his friends, he will be alone. It’s a hard step to take. (Note from me: so heavvvvy but poignant.)

NOT DR-RELATED, BUT PACAT’S FAV MONSTERS FROM POPULAR FICTION: Pacat was so excited to namedrop his favourite monsters from popular fiction, he volunteered to go first LOL. The answers: 'The Brat Prince' Lestat (Lestat has been on his mind a lot recently because the AMC TV portrayal captures Lestat so well & has completely rejuvenated Pacat’s 12 year-old love of vampires. Total mood); serial killers such as in the Ripley series; and simply: American Psycho.

Great panel, right? Now it’s Europe’s turn!

[thevalkyriesshadow]

People saying SJM will write Elucien because she's not going to make poor baby Lulu (PBL) suffer again because he's one of her favorites ....

My brother in Christ.

They're ALL her favorites. It's her fucking book. They're her fucking characters.

Now if we were going to RANK her favorite characters, I still don't even think Lucien would make top 5. He's not a part of the IC for a reason - and considering that SJM has chosen to write about them over him - tells us enough about the ranking of her faves. It's always going to be:

1. Rhys / Feyre

2. Nesta

3. Azriel

4. Cassian

5. Elain

6. Amren

7. Mor

8. Lucien

And honestly placing Lucien at 8 is still debatable. His storyline has been reduced more and more with every single book. I'd say he was definitely up there with Feyre in Book 1 - but since ACOMAF his character quality and page persona has declined steadily. Significantly.

Idk if y'all have ever read a book or written anything - but typically a writer who likes a certain character ... writes about that character. A lot more than she writes about her other characters. That character might've started as a minor one or even background character - but the writer likes them so much they find a way to put them in the page more, finds a way to work them into the story. See what SJM did with Ithan Holstrom in CC. With Fenrys. They were introduced as minor characters and then became a big part of the story.

The exact OPPOSITE is happening with Lucien. It's not a slow burn - it is erasure.

If he is such a favorite - where is he?

Also what makes you think SJM isn't going to make her favorites suffer? Y'all saw what Aelin went through. Saw what Rhys went through. I don't like to compare traumas - but Lucien's trauma pales in comparison to some of the other harrowing backstories we've seen in ACOTAR itself. Genuinely I think whatever Rhys, Elain, Nesta, Azriel, Emerie, Gwyn went through is far worse than what Lucien went through. Not saying he didn't suffer - but the argument that SJM wouldn't have him lose his mate because she likes him is so ridiculous.

Let's stick to the books. And I mean the actual text in the books - not farfetched headcanons and fanfics and theories and claims of extrapolation "foreshadowing".

SJM can change her mind and her opinions and her interviews and her Pinterest boards. What she can't change is the story she's laid out for 4 books now. What she can't change is the direction her characters are taking her in and the words she's already written.

Hi anon

I hope you feel better after getting that off your chest... sometimes you just gotta rant

BUT

I would like to make a few points

1. I do write stories (beyond fanfics) and yes I have favorite characters I write but if I spent as much time writing about a character as SJM did with Lucien, that character has a story to be told. He's connected to many characters in the story and is mated to one of the Archeron sisters (who the stories being told in ACOTAR are ultimately about). To say he is being written off the page just because he wasn't as prevalent in ACOSF for example is a bold statement (he really had no ties to Nesta's storyline so it makes sense he wasn't in it as much) but a storyline he is connected to? Elain's - whose book we will inevitably get.

2. I don't like how you say his trauma is not as bad as the others. It's not okay to compare people's traumas. What might not seem like an emotional/psychological/physical traumatic event to one person doesn't mean it's not devastating to another.

3. SJM can absolutely change what she's already written... She is the god of ACOTAR afterall. She can do as she pleases. A perfect example of this is when she retconned that Azriel was present in Sangravah when it was attacked. Making him the first one there, the one to slaughter all the soldiers in one room, and save Gwyn from further harm. Previously, we were to believe he was just informed, but SJM changed that with what she wrote in ACOSF.

Hope you have a wonderful day anon!

[thefisherqueen]

The doctor knelt beside him and held down the hand lamp which had stood on the table. One glance at the victim was enough to show the healer that his presence could be dispensed with. The man had been horribly injured. Lying across his chest was a curious weapon, a shotgun with the barrel sawed off a foot in front of the triggers. It was clear that this had been fired at close range and that he had received the whole charge in the face, blowing his head almost to pieces

Rather graphic description of the murdered victim here in The valley of fear, which reminds me how, in the whole of the Sherlock Holmes canon, that is actually quite rare. Plenty of deaths of course, yet despite this being crime fiction the level of graphic detail is often quite low, hidden behind more vague descriptions like 'horrible death' and 'terrible sight'.

What we deem appropriate to watch/read at what age comes largely down to the graphicness of a piece of media, assuming that explicitness = potential harm, something which I find somewhat odd. The graphicness of a work is a poor predictor of its emotional impact, after all. I'm currently still haunted by several children's books I read more than two decades ago, while (though I don't like scare effects) horror movies have never once given me nightmares. The minor sound effect of the creaking of the rope in the Granada Holmes The resident patient episode gave me way more creeps than the sight of the hanged corpse. The scene in Dracula wherein Dracula attacks Mina Harker, subdued as it is with its use of metaphor and 19th-century long sentences, unnerved me so much it made me feel physically ill for hours after. It guess what moves us comes down to a complex mix of our personal triggers, vividness, culturally inspired fears and the amount of emotional connection we feel towards the characters subjected to the horrors.

Choosing the amount of graphicness for a work as a creator is not just a creative choice, it is impacted by all kind of considerations. Shielding audience from graphic horrors, or 'prettifying' them, can feel insincere - isn't life itself filled with horror? Yet an abundance of detail also has the potential to distract from emotional arcs within a narrative, turning moving stories into surface spectacle played for shock value. Though, sometimes, shocking is the very point - no better way to adress social taboos than to be right-in-the-face with them. Graphicness can also open a work to censure and limit its audience.

Arthur Conan Doyle's writing carreer allowed him to give up his doctor's practise. From what I read so far about his life I gather that he was happier as a writer than as a doctor, and he clearly poured a lot of love and his own thoughts and experiences into these detective stories, but it did mean he had to write for money. His very first Sherlock Holmes novel, A study in scarlet, was written as a commision. It meant his stories should appeal to a wide audience. I think it's reasonable to assume that Doyle couldn't allow to shock his readers too much and therefore held back on graphic detail.

[evilwickedme]

It's very frustrating to talk about fridging bc the original point of it was like a very specific criticism of how minorities are treated in comic books in particular and it's now been universalized so much people think it means "killing a woman off because she's a woman" or "killing any character to motivate another character" (the definition according to tvtropes fyi, kill it with fire kill kill kill kill). Fridging isn't bad because you're killing a character as motivation, and it's not bad because you're killing a minority off, it's bad because it's a pattern of behavior from an industry overrun by white men writing and drawing and editing those stories. You're allowed to kill a woman off if it suits your story, but the issue was that women are constantly getting hurt or depowered or raped or killed off to motivate other, non-coincidentally male characters.

The problem that stood behind the original women in refrigerators website was that the narrative that the comic book industry at large was telling was that the purpose of female characters was to get hurt in order to motivate some other guy. Kyle Rayner's girlfriend gets stuffed in a fridge, we're not sad because her life got taken from her too soon, we're sad because Kyle Rayner just lost his girlfriend. Gwen Stacy gets killed by the Green Goblin, we're not sad because she didn't get to live a full happy life, we're sad because she didn't get to live a full happy life with Peter Parker. That is not to say that the story doesn't still get told. Peter going after the Green Goblin is horrific and terrible and amazing and leads to some great plot and character development. But the choice was not to hurt Peter himself, not even to threaten his loved ones but not actually harm them, the choice - CHOICE! - the writers in the comic book industry consistently made was to hurt a character who was already part of a marginalized group, and to do that for the benefit of a (presumably) white male cishet able bodied main character's narrative.

I speak mostly in past tense because once fridging took hold in the collective popular consciousness it didn't disappear completely, but it did fall out of favor in being used so blatantly. It became isolated cases rather than the main feature of one of the best selling batman books of all time. Characters get killed off occasionally, and those characters are even sometimes members of minority groups, and biases still inform those writing choices, but I'm struggling to remember reading a comic in the last couple of years that specifically fulfills the criteria for fridging.

Anyway if you're reading this in context, you know that at the end of this month (may 2023) Marvel is planning to celebrate the most famous fridging of all time by absolutely not learning their lesson and fridging another character. They're being lazy about it, too - they've decided to do it to Kamala Khan in Peter Parker's book, two characters that mean close to nothing to each other, and being extra awful by making it a Pakistani Muslim woman being killed off during AAPI month, and so far the information we have doesn't even involve Kamala's own friends and family and superhero team mourning her at all. It's supposed to motivate Peter, because it's part of his book, and it's also supposed to parallel Gwen Stacy, and they chose to do... This. Kamala is a wildly popular and beloved character who deserves better, and frankly Peter deserves better too. If you're going to fridge, at least do it well.

But I'm also already seeing white men, who supposedly agree with me and think this is bad, saying, well it's for MCU synergy, not "because she's a female" or "because she's not a white character" (direct quotes don't @ me). And firstly, ok, way to assume the rest of us didn't also catch up to the obvious conclusion that marvel comics is doing MCU synergy, AGAIN. The thing is that those aren't separate concepts at all? Or well, they are, but they don't negate each other. They're trying to do MCU synergy and make Kamala into a mutant, but they could've done that a million other ways, just as cheap and not as offensive - a simple retcon would've sufficed, they just did that a few years ago with Franklin Richards.

They chose to do it by killing her off, and they chose to kill her off in somebody else's book to motivate him rather than tell a story about her, and they chose to do it while celebrating Gwen's fridging for some fucking reason. This is context that, when removed from the situation, makes the whole thing meaningless. And you can say a lot about Gail Simone, but that she didn't have a Goddamn point is not one of them.

[eeveecraft]

"Tulpa" and Cultural Appropriation

I cannot believe I feel so compelled to do this again, but after witnessing an announcement by Plural Nest that they're switching to parogenic terminology because they've been convinced by sysmeds that tulpa = appropriation while literally "sourcing" things from minors, singlets, non-Tibetans, and yes, of course, sysmeds is just so goddamn frustrating that I'm going to write this post. I will be referring to this Google Doc Plural Nest themselves linked in their announcement that contains a motley of blogs and accounts by various people:

Strap the fuck in because we're going to be here for a while.

Tulpa = Appropriation Is and Always Was a Bad-Faith Argument

I am prefacing this post with this idea because I want you to keep this in mind as you're reading. Something that has always bothered me about this "discourse" is that the people who go on and on and on about how they're protecting minorities and stopping actual harmful, real appropriation by attacking the Tulpamancy community never:

Go after actual harmful depictions of tulpa that actively profit off of sensationalizing the paranormal version of the word and deliberately linking it to Tibetan Buddhism (Supernatural, Mandela Catalogue, Slenderman, etc).

Uplift the voices of actual Tibetan Buddhists, even ones who disagree with them (which there ARE Tibetan Buddhists who are 100% okay with tulpa as a term, not just the Tibetan Buddhist AMA).

Explain how us using tulpa to describe our systemmates is actively harming Tibetan Buddhists. They just say it's harmful without providing any real examples of harm besides the word annoying them.

The intention of these people never was to protect vulnerable minorities, it was to deliberately blacklist a word a community has used for over a decade and a word that is literally being used in academic studies. If we as a community dropped tulpa, cold-turkey, 100%, we would lose access to so much of our history and access to scientific studies that the community NEEDS to be more accepted by the general public.

If these people actually cared and took the time to look into the Tulpamancy community, they would clearly see that the community very much stresses that tulpa is NOT the same as the paranormal term that IS sensationalized, and that all it means is a type of systemmate that was intentionally/unintentionally created through repeated interaction. And yet, that's not the case.

Oh, also, I found out that the Tibetan Buddhist Tulpamancer who did the AMA also has a Tumblr blog, and they even reblogged this post. And they even left this in the comments:

No one should feel ashamed of using the term “tulpa”. Buddhism, and practices related to it, are meant to be shared. That’s the whole point of the practice. And this greater community, is unique and distinct from Tibetan and related origin, it isn’t “appropriation” and even if it was, no one owns the term, and as I see it; use it as you wish!

So yeah, even further context!

Anyway, with that in mind...

Origins of Tulpa

One thing many people get wrong in the Google Doc is that tulpa directly is a Tibetan word. I have stated this in multiple places from my video on the history of Tulpamancy to my original essay back in 2020 on this very topic, but tulpa was derived from tulku and sprul-pa, which tulku specifically means the reincarnations of the Dalai or Tashi Lama, and sprul-pa means a type of "magically-produced illusion or creation." Alexandra David-Neel, a French explorer during the 1920's-1930's derived tulpa from these two words, and even in her own book, she admits they are not the same:

“These may be considered as veritable tulkus and, in fact, the demarcation between tulpas and tulkus is far from being clearly drawn. The existence of both is grounded on the same theories,” (David-Neel pg 313-314).

David-Neel, Alexandra. Magic and the Mystery of Tibet, Internet Archive, Translated by Claude Kendall, 1971 Dover Edition.

So, for all the people who keep saying that tulpa is a specific word in Tibetan Buddhism is incorrect, tulpa (paranormal) is BASED off of Tibetan language, but is not directly a part of the language, and the meaning was also changed. However, there is a further distinction I need to make:

Paranormal Versus Modern Tulpas

There is a very, VERY important distinction I need to make that a LOT of people who scream, "TULPA IS RACIST!" get wrong. Modern tulpas, the type created by the Tulpamancy community go by this definition (or any similar variation):

A sentient/sapient, typically intentionally created being that is conscious and autonomous, and can only be seen, heard, or felt by the host/system that can also think independently from the host/system. Essentially a separate person sharing a body with the person who created them.

Source: My own Tulpamancy guide.

When the term created by Alexandra David-Neel that is still used in horror media goes by (paraphrasing some bits):

A type of phantom created by a person's concentrated thoughts that when developed enough, it frees itself of its creator's to go onto be a "half-conscious, dangerously mischievous puppet" or just severely injure or even kill their creator.

This definition is cobbled together from David-Neel's own book since she doesn't directly give a definition for paranormal tulpa that I can just fully quote here that's concise enough. Another important observation I made is that David-Neel right afterwards also mentions her ability to see thought-forms, you know... the type derived from English Theosophy, the concept that's way more accurate to modern tulpas than "phantoms," that existed before David-Neel wrote her book? Funny, huh?

Why does this distinction matter?

It's pretty simple. The actual harmful word that horror media profits off of and sensationalizes for clout is the definition David-Neel derived. The word that people attack the Tulpamancy community for literally just means a type of systemmate and has no inherent paranormal or spiritual meaning. The former deliberately shows off the word's Buddhist roots for the sake of personal gain while the modern word is stressed as something on its own, its own concept and practice that is not related to Buddhism. Modern Tulpamancy is completely secular, you can be completely atheist (like me) and create a tulpa just fine. Anyone can. Not a single culture can claim something literally anybody can do by mistake.

Just that the word has a distant link in etymology to it and isn't actually a Tibetan Buddhist concept. By the logic of people who think tulpa is a racist term, any term derived from another language in English would be racist... which would account for 99% of the English language, and honestly kind of demonstrates that they low-key don't even know what racism means at that point.

So, please tell me why the latter is in the crosshairs of people who are supposedly protecting a minority? Why is it that I myself have had to call out things like the Mandela Catalogue for using the paranormal variant of tulpa and twisting it into an edgy story about body-snatchers as some kind of cryptid SCP creature, but I haven't seen anyone else do it? Why isn't there an outrage by these people on notoriously appropriative shows like Supernatural? Hmm.

(Also, important that another blog reblogged that post and mentioned that they've spoken to actual Tibetans on Facebook and how none of them think tulpa is harmful specifically because it's so far-removed from Tibetan Buddhism. Like, they're cool with it as long as the community doesn't try and link it to Tibetan Buddhism, which is literally what the community does and has been doing for YEARS. Love how sysmeds conveniently ignore that. Same with this AMA by another practicing Tibetan Buddhist on Reddit, which is REAL funny that Plural Nest doesn't link this AMA, but links another post by a person who converted to Tibetan Buddhism who agreed with their viewpoint, even if that post was extremely flawed).

People Who Tout This Claim

One thing that is extremely frustrating to see is all these POC systems go on and on and on about how white people shouldn't speak about POC issues, but then turn around and speak over other POC. In one of my original posts on this topic, I specifically made the comparison of a Chinese person trying to dictate what can and cannot happen in Japanese culture. Both are Asian, both are people of color, but they are not the same, and to imply that is racist. POC systems saying that they can dictate that a word based off of Tibetan language is racist as hell, even when they're not Tibetan, just because they're both Asian implies that POC culture is all the same that any person of color can dictate what happens in the other culture is disgusting. Full stop. It's generalizing a HUGELY varied amount of peoples and cultures, and just generalizes them as all the same, and quite frankly, that's insulting.

And even if we go by their logic that any Asian POC can dictate whether or not tulpa is racist also conversely means that any Asian POC can also dictate that tulpa isn't racist. I can literally just go to my best friend who's Asian and Buddhist and ask him if tulpa is racist as a term, he'd just laugh, and say this whole discourse is stupid. In fact, let me go do that:

(He sent me a GIF of SomeOrdinaryGamer laughing, LMAO.)

Anyway, this is what he said:

i am an asian, i believe that the word “Tulpa” is not racist nor cultural appropriation.

(FYI, he's also a Tulpamancer and has been for almost as long as I have.)

I can go on r/Tulpas or #RedditTulpas right now, make a poll for Asian POC systems, and ask them whether or not tulpa as a term is racist, and get hundreds of votes that no, it isn't. It means systems like The Cabin System who are also SE Asian who've openly stated that tulpa as a term isn't racist also have as much stake in the argument as the opposite side does.

Do you see how it devolves into a pissing contest between sides? What does this achieve? All it does is segregate the community and draw unnecessary lines, which is exactly what sysmeds want because it's ways easier to harass and kill smaller communities that way or turn them against each other until they eat each other alive. And they won't just stop with tulpa terminology, they're just using tulpa because they found a convenient scapegoat to attack it. Sysmeds literally find ANY excuse to demonize or take away a word from the endogenic community, it's no different here.

To further prove this point, sysmeds literally tried to say "system hopping" is a term appropriated from RAMCOA survivors, which was completely false. They are not afraid to pull the appropriation card on any word they can, tulpa isn't the only instance of it.

Just by looking in the #tulpa tag, you can see people who are equating people who use tulpa as racist, and want to split the community between "racists and non-racists."

Another key fact is that most people who have this view also have a comical lack of understanding of what Tulpamancy even is. For example, the system that coined willogenic specifically because they think tulpa is racist defined willogenic systemmates as:

“Willogenic system - A system that was purposefully created or “willed” into existence. There’s no connection to t/lpam/ncy at all.”

(Notice how the definition also excludes unintentional tulpas, which is roughly a third of the community? Fun!)

Yes, the actual definition is censored like that. So, the definition states that a systemmate can be ""willed" into existence," and is supposed to be a direct replacement for tulpa. No. No. Stop. You don't just "will" a tulpa into existence. If that was true, we wouldn't still get people on r/Tulpas making posts on how they've tried and tried for months or even years to create a tulpa and still failed.

Not just that, but it severely misrepresents the tulpa creation process as this super simple thing to "will into existence" when tulpa creation varies a LOT from person to person and is far more than just willing a fully formed tulpa into existence. I've mentioned this before, but I seriously do not like the broader Plurality Community attempting to force the Tulpamancy Community to adhere to their terminology that they created, and slapping, "Use our terms or you're a racist piece of sh!t!" on top of that has a REALLY bad connotation.

And remember when I made that distinction between the actually harmful paranormal tulpa definition and the community's definition? Yeah, like I said, most people who have this opinion also are conflating what we do to the paranormal definition.

All the Tulpamancy Community does is create a space where people can partake in tulpa creation and development. That's it. The majority of the community views it as 100% psychological, there's no paranormal ghost nonsense happening, and people are just trying to live their lives with their tulpas. It's not any more complicated than that, and labeling people who use a term like tulpa as racist is seriously scummy.

How "Tulpa = Appropriation" is Harmful

Ironically, this "discourse" has caused more harm to the Tulpamancy community than anything else. Like how I said that all the POC systems who said "tulpa" as a word has "harmed" them don't provide any examples of harm? Well, I can provide examples of how this whole thing has actually caused damage to people in the Tulpamancy Community.

Let's start with me. On multiple occasions, I have had multiple anons harass my inbox, calling me racist, calling me slurs, and even sexually harassing me in the comments of one of my posts specifically because of this issue. In fact, several sysmeds tried raiding our Discord server alongside harassing us on Tumblr because of what Amanitasys's post started, and this has also happened to @cambriancrew, @sophieinwonderland, and more because we happen to be blogs that intersect both communities.

The Widening Divide

Secondly, the widening divide between the Tulpamancy and Plurality communities.

The relationship between the Tulpamancy and broader Plurality community was already tenuous, and for most of the Tulpamancy community's history, it has stayed isolated from other Plurality circles. It was only within the past few years that the communities started to intermingle, but this drama can ruin that.

Because as someone who HAS been in the community for over half a decade, I can tell you that the majority of the Tulpamancy community thinks this drama is stupid and aren't going to change terminology for multiple reasons. Now, do NOT take this as the community going, "Tulpa is a completely unproblematic word!" when the community has debated the term's usage for YEARS. Nobody is saying the word is perfect, but it's what the community has used for over a decade now and every attempt to change the word has failed. And honestly, as someone who's reviewed the vast majority of Tulpamancy guides in existence, I likely know better than anyone else that if tulpa was blacklisted like some people want, the community would lose so much history and resources, it's not even funny.

Unlike the broader community, the Tulpamancy community has a focus on the creation and sharing of Tulpamancy guides and resources, and the vast majority of these resources directly have "tulpa" or "Tulpamancy" in the name, let alone the sheer volume of times the aforementioned words are used in these guides. If we completely dropped the word, the ability of new people to look up and find these guides becomes FAR more difficult. "Tulpa" is a unique and consistent word and makes it easy to look into the community, which in turn helps people discover resources that can help them on their tulpa creation journey.

And for the bottomfeeders who'll inevitably go, "Well, just change the resources!" I need you to go outside and touch some grass, please.

1.) There are literally hundreds of guides, not even including website domains like Tulpa.info, Tulpa.io. Tulpa.net, and many more. There are literally academic studies that use tulpa, and if the community (not just the Tulpamancy community) wants any hope of being accepted by the general public, we NEED those studies to back our existence (as frustrating as it is). Don't forget all the articles, podcasts, and videos we couldn't even change if we want to! Again, over a decade of history.

2.) The VAST majority of the people who wrote these guides are no longer in the community and it is disrespectful to the authors to take and change their work without their permission (if ANY of you tried taking my guide and replaced every tulpa-related term with something else, I'd be PISSED).

3.) Literally every alternative to tulpa has some critical flaw in one way or another (I made a post about this here) and literally nobody can agree on a single term. The amount of fragmenting this would cause would make the aforementioned issue of discoverability EVEN WORSE.

4.) The rate at which resources are created has slowed dramatically since the community's early days. People are just complacent with what they have now, and I don't think labeling tulpa as a racist term is suddenly going to get more people to write more guides, just to change a few words around.

I feel this issue can get to a point where the Plurality community literally starts banning the usage of tulpa-related terminology completely, thus excommunicating the Tulpamancy community from most plural spaces. Places like Plural Nest where the staff OPENLY say that tulpa is appropriative sets this precedent, and even though Plural Nest (at least right now) is still allowing people to use tulpa terminology, other places might pick up on what Plural Nest did, but worse. That ends up excluding people like us from plural spaces and just undoes all the work that's happened to connect the two communities.

Like, systems like us, Dragonheart already have to avoid sysmed servers, but now, even with "inclusive" servers, we might be run out because the owners/staff think tulpa is a racist term. So now we have an extra layer of anxiety when trying to join new communities. That's fun.

It's literally creating what endogenic systems already deal with in the plural community, but now even parts of the endogenic community are bullying another subset of their own community. It's terrible.

So, in the Tulpamancy community's perspective, we either: A.) Give up our most used word and people lose access to so much history and resources, and create a huge divide in our already fragmented community.

Or:

B.) Stick to our guns, but be excommunicated and villainized by the broader Plurality community.

There's no winning here. Regardless of what the Tulpamancy community does, it's going to cause a lot of damage. Sysmeds win regardless with their goal being to divide and fuck up our community, and it deeply upsets me.

What Tulpamancy Really Is

So, what are people trying to attack so hard and blacklist from plural spaces? What are people fighting so hard against to conform to their standards, or be labeled as racist? What Tulpamancy is, for a lot of people, is a means to living a better life. I cannot tell you how many stories I have read of tulpas stopping their hosts from taking their own lives, how creating a tulpa has hugely improved the mental health of others, or how tulpas encourage their hosts to socialize and take care of the body, or how just making a tulpa connects you to a community with the mutual interest in self-improvement and self-love, and so, so much more. Tulpamancy improves people's lives, and Tulpamancy techniques are not exclusive to us.

Any system, or even singlets can learn from the Tulpamancy community to improve their own lives. And yes, that means Tulpamancy helps a lot of people of color as well, as well as a lot of other vulnerable minorities! Whether it's learning vocality to better communicate with alters or using switching techniques to control switching, or even learning how to make a mindscape or improve visualization skills. I don't understand how this community can be labeled as a bunch of racists (even though there are scumbags like Kopase that sadly exist (why don't you guys RIGHTFULLY sh!t on people like him?)) when literally the entire point of the community is self-betterment.

And like what @dharmayokeyodasampa, the Tibetan Buddhist Tulpamancer stated before, "Buddhism, and practices related to it, are meant to be shared. That’s the whole point of the practice," and the same can be said for Tulpamancy. Tulpamancy can be for everyone if it means making their lives better. It's meant to be a positive thing that can truly be life-changing, and seeing people trying to label that practice with one of hatred and harm is just... horrible.

The Tulpamancy community doesn't have some secret agenda to silence people of color or mock any kind of religion or practice. We're just a bunch of lonely people wanting companionship and are tired of being alone.

Conclusion

"Tulpa" as a term, at best, is murky. Nobody is arguing that David-Neel was a saint. She wasn't, and she's dead and buried. Tulpa isn't her word anymore. People in the Tulpamancy community are just fed up with outsiders trying to dictate how their community should be run. We know the term has issues, we know its history is not all sunshine and rainbows. We do not need outsiders barging in and stating the obvious and acting like they know more than we do about our own community and history.

And look, I know some people who believe tulpa is appropriative have good intentions and just want to be non-offensive, but people take advantage of that. Sysmeds took advantage of people wanting to do right and weaponized people into being their mouthpieces under the guise of, "We just want to be racially-sensitive." But instead of actually protecting minorities, all it did was harm another minority while ignoring groups who are taking advantage of the word, and using it for clout and profit. That is exactly why I started this LONG essay with why this whole thing is a bad-faith argument.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: this is the Plurality-equivalent of "queer is a slur." Drama deliberately caused by bad actors who spread rumors of a word being bad, leading it to be picked up by well-intentioned people, and being turned into the pawns of those bad actors without realizing it.

I'm so pissed I had to make this post, but after seeing what Plural Nest did, and then learning that they KNEW some of their sources were by sysmeds who have ACTIVELY professed their hatred of tulpas and decided to use them anyway to a community of over a thousand users just led me to being fed up. It gave this indication that if large plural spaces like that are echoing a statement meant to divide us, things aren't looking good, and I'm not going to sit here and watch a community I've been in for over half a decade get wrongfully demonized.

If Plural Nest staff just said they're changing terminology because they just don't like tulpa or or the fact that it's conflated with horror media, I would've been fine with it. That's a perfectly understandable reason not to like the term. We're not forcing you to use the term! Use whatever term you want! It was the motivation behind it that I take issue with and the precedent it sets. I don't know where this community is heading, but I hope things go all right.

7-22-2023

[phantomthiefgaige]

What if Chihiro Fushimi Joined SEES (Part 2)

Had to rewatch the P3 ending to amp myself up to do this. Don’t mind the tears…or the river of em flowing through the post. That’s normal. Anyway. This part will be covering some misc stuff like School life, minor changes, and right up to the June full moon operation. With that being said. Lets get into it.

TW//Bullying

“SOTERIA!!!”

Soteria is Chihiro Fushimis persona. The goddess of safety and salvation, deliverance, and preservation from harm…funny that she will exactly USE harm to protect others from it.

While Soteria does learn spells like Tetrakarn and Makarakarn and some defensive increasing skills. That’s not all her Persona can do.

This persona is well known for its high magic stat, but more importantly…she’s the teams nuke button.

Her most upgraded move besides the Agi skill line is the Megi skill line. For those who don’t remember. Megi moves are pure almighty damage, a damage type that can’t be blocked.

Why did I decide to give the terrified nervous wreck a nuke? Cause I thought it would be funny. Don’t worry, it drains her magic fast so you can’t go spamming it. You’re gonna have to actually use her fire skills until much later on when she gets an sp cost reduction skill.

Soteria is best described appearance wise as a graceful looking woman with angelic wings yet in her hands are a giant shield and a crackling hand mixed with agi and megi effects. She’d have some unique patterns on her arms and would have her eyes covered by a flower crown.

Now enough about Chihiros Persona, lets see how this girl is with the rest of the teammates and what she does outside of battle.

Of course she’s still the student council treasurer so she’s in there with Mitsuru from time to time but really, it’s more of a “friendly business partners” relationship rather than a true genuine sisterly friendship for right now.

Now on the other end of things are her dorm-mates. Yukari is often really close with Chihiro. She talks to her quite often about her mangas and how club meetings go while Yukari just listens or at least tries to act engaged at the very least.

Yukari can be a bit protective of her but not often. Just helping at times when she gets too nervous around Akihiko. Other times though, despite Chihiros protests, she throws the girl to the wolves with one particular man to help her overcome her fears. That one man is…

Junpei….is…an interesting case with Chihiro. They both like manga and nerdy things at times so besides the male fear thing, you’d think they’d be the best of friends. Well, kinda. She’s too nervous right now to fully hang out with him and watches from a corner usually. Often wondering how he has so much time to slack on his studies when she’s seen his exam scores. She’d reprimand him if she had the courage to…

Yukari is definitely gonna help this girl slightly tolerate this man if it kills her.

Or at least have her join the “Stupei, Ace Defective” roasting club.

Both options work too.

Chihiro doesn’t have much to talk about with Akihiko. If Junpei was a bit much for her at this level, then a guy who talks about getting stronger and fighting with, to her, not much in common is gonna put her off a bit more…but then again, she seems fine with Hidetoshi so who knows? Maybe they’ll be better friends in the near future.

Insert Makoto Yukis/Door Doors social link here.

What? You thought I was gonna write something for Makoto now? It’s basically going the same as her SL. They’re friends and she likes being around him.

…

…

…

Okay fine, maybe I’m planning something but you’ll have to wait until later in the story. For now. They’re friends. Like…rank 4 at best.

In the overworld, Chihiro can often be seen staring at Bookworms, thinking of going in. Heck maybe even considering asking for a part time job, this girl surrounded by books would think it’s a dream job.

She can also be spotted around the mall, checking out the CD shops or wondering if maybe someday Makoto will take her into Club Escapade…but she’s gotta get her own courage in check so we’ll check in on this subplot later.

At night, there is a rare chance that you won’t be able to use the computer there because Chihiro’s on it.

She’s either gonna be studying or looking at this weird new webcomic. It’s apparently about a boy and his three friends playing a video game? You aren’t sure yet because all you see is a boy kissing his poster goodbye while his friend plays the violin. It’s weird but hey, nobody said she can’t have weird interests.

Now that the current dorm life is out of the way, lets get into the story this time.

A reason Yukari may be a bit protectivr if Chihiro is because she’s been hearing about this currently being bullied by three girls.

It’s really starting to piss her off actually. But she bites her tongue for right now.

Most of May and such plays out as normal but instead of the ghost hunting team being just you, Yukari and Junpei, this girl gets in on it too…she wishes she wasn’t because she didn’t know wether to be afraid of ghosts or Junpei in the dark, or confused by how laughable his missing girl story was.

Nevertheless she joins their investigation with some reluctance…mainly Yukari saying it’ll help her.

For once though when they decide to go to the sketchy alleys of Port Island Station at night, she’s siding with Junpei in possibly wanting to back out.

Dear lord the girl was not only not made for scared, but for seeing Junpei get headbutted by a terrifying guy while being harassed by others.

And then there’s Shinji…

Poor girl just about fainted when she saw him. He’s downright terrifying. He seems nice but the poor gi-oh…she passed out. Poor thing.

When she gets back to the dorm she’s out for the whole night, cuddling with a pillow from fear…yeah Yukari may need to apologize later to her for doing that.

Weirdly enough though, the fact she felt like she “survived” something like that feels a bit relieving in her. Like she CAN do scary stuff and will be braver…eventually. For now though. Fuukas case takes high priority.

Hearing this Fuuka girl was getting bullied by Natsuki was bad enough, learning she could be dead is slightly pissing her off…then she learns Mr. Ekoda hid this information from everyone…someone hold this girl back she’s gonna take her paper fan and jam it down his throat.

Thankfully she heard Mitsuru got to him but she’s still pissed. Who knew this sweetheart could have a tipping point that deep.

It doesn’t make her fear into a hatred thankfully, I mean…seeing Junpei get knocked down at the station made her feel scared sure but like she wanted to help and just felt powerless…maybe that’s why when he heard this girl was being bullied and her missing status was hidden was what caused her to lose her cool for a little.

Come the time to save them, she begs Makoto to please go with him to save Fuuka. She feels like she needs to meet this girl.

He doesn’t care

But she’s in the party with Aki and Junpei.

In retrospect, not a good idea for her but she’s holding back her fear to save this woman.

Authors realization: OH SHIT, I FORGOT HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT NATSUKI!!!!

So with Natsuki she feels, understandably, upset that she would bully this girl and locked her up. Though she does promise she’ll help find Fuuka.

Now back in Tartar Sauce, she’s slightly relieved yet worried to be split from the all guys party. When she finds Makoto though, she’s much calmer. When they find Fuuka though…dear lord this girl is so glad she’s alive.

Then she sees Mitsuru and Yukari are down for the count and hey, she can actually do damage to them…it’s weak damage though. If only there were some persona user who could read enemies weaknesses an- oh Fuuka did it.

The rest of the story here mainly plays out as normal.

Now with Fuuka on the team, how are she and Chihiro gonna get along?

Dear lordy, these two are like sisters. Scared, timid, shy, other similar words can best describe them to a T.

Fuuka looks up to Chihiro as her Senpai while Chihiro looks up to her as someone much smarter than her.

These two have a lot of study sessions together and it’s sort of the opposite of Yukari so far.

Instead of having Chihiro try and work past things asap, she’s more into having her take her time and do things at her own speed.

They even suggest starting a manga/book club too.

Fuuka isn’t fully into Mangas? Well by golly Fuuka will try for her new friends sake

And this is where we end for this part. Sorry it’s a bit sloppy and has so much run offs, it’s unorganized and all over the place. Okay a lot more work is needed but there was a lot to go over and I set my ambitions a bit high. I’ll try and organize things a bit better next time and make things more coherent.

Special thanks to my co-author @maze-of-my-design for the relationships list for this gal and helping with ideas for this series.

Hope you enjoyed reading it y’all.

[babygirlgh0st]

Modern Leper

Summary; Despite living with Simon Riley for several months now, the intricacies of his mind still find ways to surprise you; Tonight is nothing new for either of you.  Word count; 2,245 A/N; This is the first fic I’ve actually finished and decided to post for CoD! I rarely ever post my writing, so forgive me if it isn’t the best. I just really love Ghost, and my fiance deals with night terrors and I saw an outlet and decided to run it into the ground with this. The relationship dynamic for them is something I cherish and is loosely inspired by this song. I could write a three hour power-point on all the trauma this man struggles with, but for now y’all gotta deal with my drabbling instead lmao. No beta we die like men. 

I’m also open to taking requests, if you have anything to offer me :>  Warnings; Vague mentions of past trauma/gore/death, night terrors, ambiguous and complex situationships, minor physical harm (unintentional), hurt/comfort. 

It had taken you months to finally convince Simon to move in with you, just like it had taken nearly a year for him to admit to your not-quite relationship. It was based on understanding more than love or romance; The common knowledge that you shared the same weight as the other, that your weird quirks were complimentary despite their usually volatile state. 

You both understood each other's needs, traumas, the baggage you both carried within yourselves that you’d yet to find the space to put down. He needed space and quiet, a silent companion who never seemed to judge him for whatever ailed him at any moment, and you had a supernatural ability to read him like a book and offer what you could when he needed it without a word being exchanged. It was an invaluable bond you two shared, not quite love, but not quite friendship. You just knew each other like you were one and the same, and found safety in that fact. He had grown to trust you, and you found solace with him, and you were relieved when he relented to moving into your sad one bedroom apartment. Filling some empty void that always seemed to follow you in life. 

You had been having such a nice dream, something warm and soft and honey sweet for once, when the yelling started. It dredged you from the depths of sleep, like ripping off a band-aid or throwing ice water down your shirt, and you blearily shot up in bed in surprise as you blinked into the dark of your shared bedroom, seeking its source.

Simon had warned you about his night terrors, but you hadn’t fully comprehended just how bad they could get sometimes. Yelling, screaming, pained moans and thrashing like he was an animal caged, feral and in desperate need to escape himself. He’d told you that there wasn’t much to do about them, and apologized when he said to just let him be until they were over. He’d even insisted on sleeping on the couch for several months upon moving in under the concern that he’d hurt you or cost you sleep, or god forbid traumatize you even further than your shared line of work already had. 

It took you a few moments to process that it was happening again, blinking the sleep out of your eyes as you watched Simon jerk in his sleep across the bed, sheets twisted around his limbs in a way that you found both angelic and heartbreaking in the moonlight from the window. You were sure there wasn’t a single way he could appear to you that you wouldn’t find beautiful, though you knew better than to voice those thoughts out loud. 

He remembered everything if he was woken up in the middle of a night terror, though waking him up while in one of his fits was a feat of its own. You had relented to leave him be and fight his demons in his dreams undisturbed, until the neighbors started to complain about the noise. It killed you to see the haunted, distant look he would always get the following morning if he didn’t sleep through it, but he understood that it couldn’t continue, not in your subpar apartment. After a few too many noise complaints, things had to change. 

“Simon?” You called softly, voice heavy with sleep as you shifted to face him, watching him for a few moments. You knew that pinched expression, visible even through his balaclava that his face was an image of agony. You’d never learned what he had been through- never anticipated you’d get to know- but it still made you question the poor man’s past as you watched him squirm and groan in pain in your sheets. 

“Simon,” you call his name more loudly this time, shifting closer to him on the bed as you did. 

You had never let go of the hope that maybe one day, you’d be able to soothe away his nightmares with just your voice. That your presence alone could banish the horrors that he hid inside of himself, the things he fought back during the day that he couldn’t run from at night. You prayed for a day when you could simply whisper sweet nothings to him, and ease his pain without having to wake him. 

It had yet to work despite your insistent efforts, and after a couple more minutes of soft crooning and attempts to console him with no changes in his behavior, you relented to the one trick you and Ghost had found to wake him up; Sternum rubs. 

“I’m so sorry,” you said as you always did, before shifting to get out of bed and walk around to his side of the mattress. He’d attempted to grab or punch you the few times you’d had to resort to this specific method in the past, and you couldn’t blame him for it; it was an agonizing sensation to experience, and he had always been adverse to physical contact regardless of whether or not he had just suffered a night terror. You couldn’t fault him for lashing out when you woke him from painful dreams in an equally as painful way, even if it cost you a few bruises. At least if you were standing, you had a better chance of moving out of reach when he did come to. With a sharp breath in, you lowered your knuckles down onto the solid muscle and bone of his sternum and pressed, dragging your fist across his chest.

It didn’t take long for him to let out a shuddering gasp, a choked yell of “Get the fuck off me!” following after. It left you flinching, startled by the outburst despite this situation not being a new one. His eyes flew open in shock as his hand locked tight, too tight around your wrist in a grip that brought a squeal to your lips. You knew by now it would leave bruises, the skin tight and twisted under his calloused palm as he ripped your hand off of him.  

“G-ghost! It’s me, it’s me,” you chanted, fear evident in your words as you tried to not struggle against his grip. You had never been able to get used to the violence in his awakenings, the way he would shudder and heave like he’d been shot. His eyes were frantic, manic as he stared at the room around him, at himself, at you as if he had never seen you before in his life, your words foreign in his ears. 

“Simon… It’s okay. You’re okay, you’re at ho-”

“Shut up.” 

He panted heavily, releasing your wrist from his ironclad grip as he shifted to sit up in the bed. His eyes were squeezed tight, hands reaching to cover his face as he tried to reorient himself to the waking world. His body shuddered and rattled as if still stuck inside of his dream, somewhere else, experiencing who knows what. You stood silently beside the bed as you watched him, letting him calm down in his own time.

It felt like a century before he spoke, but his words were much softer despite the way his hands trembled against himself. 

“...I’m sorry, love,” he mumbled, fingers rubbing at his eyes as he forced everything in his mind down into the trenches of himself. Hiding away from your concerned eyes as you watched him like a hawk. His scars throbbed, his skin still clinging to the feeling of blood and dirt and rot as if he had never showered since everything had happened to him. 

“It’s okay, Si,” you said quietly, finally letting yourself move, breathe, as you made your way back to your side of the bed and settled back into the sheets there. 

“You… Can I get you anything?” You offered, always trying to be helpful after an episode. Always supportive and gentle and quiet in his presence as he struggled to hold everything down like bile in the back of his throat, threatening to spill out. A mug of tea, an ear, a shoulder, a warm bath, it was always the same with you despite him always pushing you away every time. He usually settled for silence and nothing more, and this time didn’t seem any different. 

Simon finally pulled his hands from his face, blue eyes exhausted as he stared down at your red wrist with a look of heartbreaking guilt. You knew he was staring; he always did when he’d hurt you after this happened, guilty and pained as he struggled to chew and swallow the reality of once again doing the one thing he always told himself he wouldn’t. 

“I’ll get you some ice,” he offered, no room for argument in his words as he shifted out of bed with a groan and disappeared from the bedroom. Your hand cradled your inflamed wrist, and as you looked down at it you could already see the angry, finger-shaped signs of a bruise forming under your skin. 

He’d always shown his care through action, insisting he was bad with words and worse with touch, so he settled on the little things to try and bring his affections across to you. Grabbing things that were too high for you to reach, doing the extra steps to make whatever task you had at hand that much easier, bringing you small souvenirs when he went on an assignment that you couldn’t follow him on. 

He returns with a deep rooted sadness in his eyes, silently asking for your injured hand as he goes to wrap a bag of frozen peas around it like you were made of glass; something so fragile, so delicate. It felt wrong to feel you in his hands, no matter how careful he swore to be with you, the feeling of staining or breaking you never leaving the back of his mind as he iced the wound he’d caused.

“Really, it’s okay,” you reassured him a second time, offering him a gentle smile as you let him ice your wrist for you. It felt like he was licking a wound like a dog, trying to erase the accidental damage he caused like he always tried with himself. He only offers you a curt nod at your words, and once he’s decided your wrist is sufficiently encased in the frozen peas does he let you go and return to his spot in the bed. 

“It was the coffin, this time,” he says in a low voice, rough from yelling and the cigarettes he tended to chain-smoke every second he was off base and out of your shared home. 

You turn to stare at him in surprise, not expecting him to be open about what happened as your mind reeled from just that one sentence. He stares down at his hands in his lap as he speaks, but you can tell his eyes are looking at something beyond your gaze. 

“It… Isn’t the worst one, but it’s still not great.” Simon laughs bitterly, shaking his head to try and rid his mind of the memories. Some part of him still felt like he was stuck down there trying to claw himself out, nothing but the rotten bones of someone else to help him along. 

You aren’t sure what to say in response. A part of you wants to pry, to take the mile he’s offered with the inch given and see what horrible things seem to follow him like a shadow, but you can’t bring yourself to respond. Instead, you open your arms to him, head cocked to the side in question. 

A hug. Simple, easy, comforting- For you at least. He looks up at you quietly for a few moments, the air easy and calmer in the space between you both as he considers your offer. His eyes are raw and wet when he finally relents, folding himself easily into your arms. 

You make a point of ignoring the way his shoulders silently shake as he presses himself against you, his own arms going to loop around your waist with that same fragile care he’s always given to just you. An olive branch in the distance he always held between you, for his safety or your own you weren’t sure. You accept it all the same though, hands light and gentle as they go to rest against the back of his head, his shoulders, his spine; petting him like a wounded dog, some poor pet dying on the side of the road. 

“You’re safe now, love,” You whisper in hesitance, body wound tight like a live wire as you wait to do something you shouldn't, cross some unspoken boundary you weren’t able to pick up on in this uncharted territory; But the moment never comes. His shoulders still shake, his face finding refuge in the pulse point between shoulder and throat, and you both act like your skin isn’t damp as you let him hide inside of you. 

You don’t think you’ll ever find the right word for what you two have. It felt like something too delicate, too raw and wounded to be love, but it felt like it went deeper than just simple understanding. Beyond the realms of your minds or bodies, beyond the atrocities the two of you had both committed and been subjected to. 

All that really matters to you though is that he trusts you, and you trust him, and you decide that that is all that matters. 

[recurringwriter]

Rufus Without "Cornelia's" Influence

Have you been thinking about that art book reveal about the Agarthan mind-control tiara? Are you considering writing an au where there is no such influence, but aren't sure how to characterize Rufus? This look at the Regent's appearance in both games might interest you.

The minor and even off-screen characters of the series can be some of the most fascinating to explore from a writer's perspective, and Dimitri's uncle Rufus is one such individual. In the first game, he was merely mentioned--providing much room for personal interpretation and invention. In the spin-off, he was one of a few characters to be granted a face, though he only appeared briefly as an early-game boss who was revealed to have been a source of much suffering for his nephew. Upon analysis, though, it can be seen that the 'real' Rufus is not the character we see in Hopes. For the entire duration of the story, he is under the influence of an Agarthan device that was given to him by Cornelia. At some point before Patricia's marriage to Lambert, the Court Mage was replaced by the Agarthan, Cleobulus, who then had ample time to manipulate him through a combination of guilt and his feelings of inferiority of being shunned by his parents due to his lack of a Crest. Finally, even under such powerful control, Rufus' guilt is obvious. All this together shows that while his actions in Hopes were harmful and inexcusable, he too suffers as a victim of Cleobulus.

In the Hopes art book, it was revealed that Rufus had been given the tiara seen in his sprite and in-game model by the Agarthan replacement of Cornelia, referred to hereafter as Cleobulus. The circlet itself is plain and drab, reflecting his simple armour. Rufus' appearance itself in the art book is more saturated than his in-game appearance, implying that the tiara has rendered him lifeless and ghostly with its power. It is shown to be Agarthan in origin, and a tool used by Cleobulus to gain control over Rufus' mind and decision-making. While we cannot know how much of an effect it has on its victim, it is obvious that his actions and words are impacted to some extent by the dark magic of the circlet. In fiction, a character's behaviour and dialogue often reveal clues about their nature, however, knowing that Rufus is being influenced by Agarthan magic shows us a personality that is different from his actual self. His true disposition is completely obscured from the audience, and therefore still open for interpretation and invention.

Cleobulus clearly began working to destabilize Faerghus immediately after replacing the real Cornelia. Taking advantage of Anselma's connections to his stolen identity, Cleobulus helped her seek refuge in Faerghus and introduced her to the king. Countless interpretations exist of the timeline and relationship between Lambert and Anselma or 'Patricia', as the writing is inconsistent about details and one of the weaker parts of the narrative. It will not be examined in depth in this analysis. However, we can assume that Cleobulus was at work before the marriage to Anselma. This means that he had time to gain control over Rufus, both using the tiara to weaken his mind along with manipulation tactics. In chapter 3 of Hopes, Cleobulus says,

"You are meant to rule Faerghus—and you have the power to make it so. Your royal army is the finest in the realm. And if I may be so bold, you also have me. Put your worries to rest, my king. Sleep deeply, and without fear."

At this point in the story, Rufus is still only acting as Regent until Dimitri comes of age, yet Cleobulus is the one to outright refer to him as King of Faerghus. Clearly, Cleobulus is playing on insecurities of Rufus' about being the eldest son, who was not made heir and permitted to inherit the throne. This suggests a situation similar to Miklan's, which Dimitri references after the events of chapter 5 of Houses. While there is no mention of Rufus' behaviour towards Lambert or Dimitri in Houses, it can be assumed that the way his parents treated him over his lack of a Crest could have resulted in him feeling inferior to his younger brother. Cleobulus would have been able to reach that conclusion easily and exacerbate those feelings. Coupled with the Agarthan tiara, it would be easy for him to manipulate Rufus by repeatedly alluding to his shortcomings and then pretending to be the only source of support. By cutting Rufus off from those who might have convinced him of Lambert's goodness and his own merits, Cleobulus could use Rufus as a tool to destabilize Faerghus.

Despite the influence of both the tiara and Cleobulus' manipulation, Rufus expresses guilt and remorse for the actions he has been led to commit. He claims that "Every night since [he] killed [his] brother, [he] dream[s] a lion is ripping out [his] throat." After having compared Lambert and Dimitri both to lions, the symbolism is obvious. He regrets his actions and fears revenge, but Cleobulus' insistence that he can and must kill Dimitri means that he continues to follow the same path. At his execution, he asks Dimitri whether he is troubled to "slay his own kin". It seems unlikely after what Rufus has done that he would ask that without having been 'troubled' likewise for his part in Lambert's death. He then says "Well. To perish by your hand… It is a fate that I much deserve." Rufus cannot change what he has done, and his mind is still a prisoner of Cleobulus', but he is aware of his own wrongdoing and that by killing Lambert, he has called forth Dimitri's revenge, turning him into the same monster he sees within himself. In addition, if Rufus truly wished to murder Lambert and Dimitri, then Cleobulus would never have needed to involve himself so drastically, both manipulating and using Agarthan magic to subdue him.

Rufus did not wish to be king. In Houses, Sylvain describes him thus, saying, "And there are those rumors of the current regent being too busy chasing the ladies to bother with governing." If Rufus wanted to be a philanderer, he was already in the perfect position for it as the Grand Duke of Itha. Having been older than Lambert and seeing what is required of a ruler, he would have known what responsibilities would have been required of him. It was the influence of Cleobulus and the tiara in Hopes that made him the unwell and jealous individual we see in the spin-off game. In Houses his supposed involvement in the Tragedy was simply a rumour used by Cornelia to justify her narrative framing Dimitri for his uncle's murder. This inconsistent writing means that those wishing to explore a timeline in which Rufus is not under the control of Cleobulus can characterize him however they wish, since the aspects of his personality revealed in Hopes were all affected by the abuse he suffered. While his actions were terrible, he too is a victim in this situation suffering from terrible mental health that was capitalized on and exacerbated by Cleobulus. In Houses, his worst flaw was his incompetence as a Regent, but though he had disagreements with Dimitri, the heir to the Kingdom never spoke ill of him and was upset to learn that Cornelia had been responsible for his murder.

[hallucinateonpaperspines]

cybertronians aren't aware what Guardians are, are they ?

Not really, no.

Truth, especially historical truths, can be very easily twisted and diluted over time. Partly because of the whole "winners write the history books" but also because there are so many facets to events and people that fade with witness's memories or as generations pass by. Sometimes it's because one piece of the story seems more important, or it serves an agenda, sometimes it's because there's no one left to tell the forgotten pieces, and sometimes it's simply due to improper record keeping that details are lost and stories skewed ever so slightly. And none of this is ever really a constant phenomenon, those alterations occur depending on the situation and the people, so different groups may have different versions of the same story but still miss key or minor details.

Slightly depressing and fascinating, there will always be a foundational truth to history, a fact of what actually happened, but so much of the why, the reasonings, the details of the mundane can be forgotten and left to speculation. You'll never truly know, because you'll never be there and experience it for yourself.

Kudus to the monuments and graves and imprints that people have left behind. Complaints scrawled into books. Building projects dedicated to great loves. Skeletons surrounded by nit-nacks that mattered to the deceased. Faded etchings of names on stone that have lasted where the memory has not. Fragments of lives that we can only speculate on and stories we can only guess at a few chapters of.

Ehem... weird rant aside, the same principle also applies to the Guardians in OT&T. They're a people who hail from the very earliest part of Cybertron's history, a very controversial and secretive piece of it even if they were important. Every bot has a different idea and awareness of what a Guardian is but none of them know the truth of it.

Bulkhead as a construction worker, a laborer, would not have received any education pertaining to Cybertron's history, and as a lower-level mid-classer, there wouldn't be much mingling between higher-level elite or low-class superstition. He knows the basics, Primes are leaders appointed by Primus, but he knows nothing about Guardians.

Bumblebee is a war frame forged during the early days of the conflicts that would become the Great War and was never meant to be anything but an enforcer for the council or a scout. Usually, he would also not know anything beyond the basics, other than an awareness of the vacant High Protector role, but he is aware that mythic beings would be the ones to claim that title through Ratchet.

Arcee, assigned as a caretaker and teacher on pre-war Cybertron is aware of the basics. The Primes, the Council, and the several Lord High Protectors emerging every few centuries alongside a 'false' prime and served as global military commanders. She knows nothing about Guardians.

Ratchet as a doctor catering to the elites, including several politicians, could mingle with such minds and accompanying ideas. Throw in a chatty archivist apprenticed to the great Alpha Trion, and Ratchet arguably knows more than some of the more educated High Caste. He is well aware of the politics involved, of how a legitimized Prime can overturn The Council and supplant them if so desired. He knows that for a prime to legitimize themselves to the stagnant populace is to embody traditional examples provided by the original 13. And that, outside of bearing a prime-only relic, the easiest way for a potential prime to be legitimized is by partnering with a High Protector. A mimicry of the myths of the 13 and their Guardians, a symbol of the modern ideal of guardianship, a Prime must have a Protector. A nod of respect to Cybertron's origins, a mark of strength, and a promise that their leader's spark would extinguish before harm would befall Cybertron. Its a political statement and the Guardians are simply the long forgotten origins of it.

Optimus Prime knows that the Guardians are not a myth, that they existed and were real. He knows they were gifts from Primus. Relics of potential. He knows that High Protector was a singular title for one selected Guardian per prime among the masses. He knows that every true Prime has a Protector, and the Protector could be the key to everything. He does not know where they originate from. He does not know who they are. He did not know they could be children. He does now- He does not know where his promised Guardian is.

Airachnid hails from a heavily organic colony world. Other than being notably pacifist, written off for being beastformers, her people also were heavily superstitious story keepers. Some collected stories of the future, prophecies of the ancients and of their own seers, others cultivated and preserved tales from the past. The tales of ancient revolts and monsters among them. Airachnid nows the Gaurdians as rarities and creatures of great value. She knows stories of them being organics that house silver internals, sparks that burn bright but burn short, prey to be wielded and displayed. She knows a new Guardian has appeared somehow, and she sees a prize worthy of her hunt. A truly endangered species and something to steal from the Prime.

The Vehicons know nothing. Nothing at all about the Guardians, but they're hearing a lot about JA332's "Spawn of Unicron"

Megatron knows that he should have been Optimus' Lord High Protector. An equal and respected leader. He knows stories of Guardians from his time in the pits. Tales he heard alongside retellings of Megatronous' strength and follies. Stories of a long-dead race that rose against the Primes and lost. Of creatures that predacons bowed to, servants that tied themselves to their masters, how a few foolish slaves Guardians stood against the wise and benevolent rule of their superiors, and how a race was wiped out for it. He heard tales that the Cataclysm did not come from the stars but from the scorned. Of slaves driven made and turned into sparkeaters. Of living relics that were trapped and suffered. Megatron knows which stories he believes. He named himself for the Fallen for a reason.

Makeshift, Breakdown, Knockout, and Wheeljack don't know anything and they don't care to know anything more. They've got better things to do, reclaiming their dignity/squishing an organic, getting that new buffer for someone special/working on exposure therapy, providing exposure therapy/showing off their lustrous finish at the races, and tinkering with grenades/regular facetime with Bulk and Miko, like winning a damned war.

Starscream knows the myths, he just doesn't believe them. If he must listen to a sparkling story he would prefer Vosian tales instead.

Soundwave has a collection of historical manuscripts, stories, and theories at the tip of his digits. He hasn't had a need to examine them. Yet.

None of them would think a human would be a Guardian- not at the beginning.

The Shadow knows. Time has not diluted his memory.

[nerdylilpeebee]

I have a story idea.

I'm kinda rewriting my story "Pandora" because I kinda didn't find as much enjoyment in what I was writing as I wanted to, and I just honestly got a really cool idea in my head that I wanna roll with. I would like to write it down here, both for y'all's opinions and so I have it written down somewhere.

So, this story is about vampires. Specifically, it is the story of a new vampire.

A young noble girl, named Thalia, is born in a society that treasures magic-users. It's a society as advanced as our own, but magic has been an integral part of it for thousands of years, so it is a bit different than our own.

And she, on the day of her 18th birthday, is to finally go through a ritual all mages must endure to discover what their true magic affinity is. Some can know this even before the ritual just due to the nature of how their magic manifests, but Thalia's magic has always been... Odd. No one could quite tell what type it was. She could cast the most novice spells like any budding spell caster, but her magic energy always gave anyone who could sense it this... Uneasy feeling and the color of her magic energy was a deep violet, an incredibly uncommon color.

Masters of magic and scholars of history had only ever seen the color before in the pages of history books, and always on a figure who would bring great calamity. A necromancer. However, despite the color, Thalia had never shown any real indication she was a necromancer. She was kind, she never harmed anyone with her magic, she could even heal minor wounds on people. Granted it never looked like any healing spell anyone had ever seen before, but there was still nothing but the color indicating she was a necromancer.

But then came the ritual. Mages must cast their magic energy into a magic circle. What happened as a result would reveal their magic type. Some had the circle produce a gout of fire, some an icy structure, some a column of water. Etc. Thalia's... Produced a spirit. But not just any spirit. Rising from the circle as if summoned straight from hell was a being Masters of Magic knew well from their studies. A being that had long been gone from this world. The first Vampire, Lilith, rose before them in spirit form, powerless to harm them, but a clear sign that Thalia was, indeed a necromancer.

Many wanted to kill her right then and there. But ultimately, it was decided the High Council, a group of master mages that advises the emperor, should decide what happens to her. Thalia's family was, after all, very important and influential and held a seat on the council. Killing their daughter without their consent, even if it was, from their perspective, to protect the world from another Calamity would provoke an all-out civil war.

Thalia, of course, receives no explanation. Didn't know what she was seeing or who the spirit was, nor what it meant about her magic. She just witnessed their terrified expressions around her as the spirit appears, and is forcibly detained within the ritual tower. Some time passes, and she realizes she can speak to the spirit she summoned. Tho she doesn't really have anything to say to Thalia, seemingly refusing to converse with a human.

Lilith, who's name is more a title than her actual name, which she abandoned long ago, can see where this is going and frankly doesn't care much to warn Thalia or try to prevent it. In her eyes, there is no point to it. And besides, if they kill her, she is sure of one thing: the calamity they fear so much will come to pass. She's seen it all before, after all, the rage and resentment of an innocent person being condemned to death. That rage resulting in the one thing humans should fear most but are too ignorant to know of: a Lich. And Lilith is eager to see mankind's folly result in their own destruction.

And just as Lilith suspects, the rest of the mages return, taking Thalia from the ritual tower. She is guided to the bottom floor and out to the grounds, where her family awaits. She is grateful to see them, but begs for clarity. What is going on? Why were they so afraid? Why was she locked in the tower? And very quickly, she gets her answer. For awaiting beyond her family is a large stone pillar, surrounded by an awaiting pyre. To the horror of both Thalia and Lilith, who watches from the top of the tower, Thalia's sentenced is the same as all practitioners of the dark arts: death by fire.

Thalia resists of course, but she has no real power. No strength. She can't escape and is dragged to the pyre and tied to the stone, each wrist restrained by rope. She does as all innocent people do as they are told they will die for no wrongdoing of her own: she cries. She asks her family for help, her mother, her father. But they only answer her with cold, unfeeling eyes.

The high council declares Thalia a threat to the natural world, and declares she will be cleansed by fire. A formality of course, as all present already knew the sentence. As the wood beneath is set alight, Thalia's eyes lock with her parents'. She asks them for help one last time, but is again met by silence.

The fire rises, and Lilith smiles, sure now that she will become a Lich, and humanity will regret this day for the rest of eternity. She can almost feel it coming, the anger, the pain... But as she watches Thalia's head lowers, rising moments later to look her parents in the eyes again... instead of rage and resentment at being abandoned, Lilith sees... A smile. Thalia, with death closing in, says she doesn't understand what is happening or why she needs to die, but if her parents wish it then it must be for a good reason. Her final words are the last thing anyone was expecting, least of all Lilith: "I Forgive You."

No one has time to process this. Thalia's smile is quickly replaced by screams of agony. The fire quickly consumes her, engulfing her entire body.

Lilith looks on disbelief. For the first time in a long time, she began to feel it; empathy for a human. Absurd, she thought. Why should she feel sorry for a human? Humans had exterminated vampires a long time ago. They had shown no mercy, not even to their own. Why bother feeling for beings that did not even seem to feel for each other? She tried to force it down, to stop this rising emotion, but as Thalia's agonizing screams began to fall silent, tears began to fall down her face. And she made a decision. Maybe there would not be the hate required to produce a Lich, but this crime would not go unpunished. She would not let it.

The fire raged until nightfall, Thalia's body being reduced to ash. Lilith, now free from the circle binding her to the tower, quickly makes her down to the now-burned-out pyre. The crowd once surrounding it had long dispersed, a sole priest left behind to cleanse the ashes and lay her to rest. As she looked upon the evidence of mankind's folly, of yet another attrocity committed by mortalkind, she raised her hands before her, channeling all of the dark magic she could muster.

"hear me, innocent one," she cried, smiling as the life essence of the Priest, who only just noticed her presence, was drained by her spell. "Unjustly killed, unfairly judged."

The stars in the sky begin to flicker out and die as she speaks.

"Forced from this world by this worthless sludge. Hear me now in your slumber, death cannot contain such a worthy grudge."

The moon begins to shine a blood red.

"Rise from your ashes, as nightmare to all. Rise in darkness, Nosferatu, and bring about humanity's fall!"

Her voice echoes through the night, magic swirling around Thalia's ashes. A skeletal hand rips out from the remains, grasping at the earth around it. Slowly, the skeleton of what once was Thalia begins to pull out of her ashes, its muscle reforming itself around her.

She gasps for air as her lungs reform, pulling herself further out of the ash until finally her entire body was free. Her teeth began to sharpen as her regeneration reached it's final stage. Her skin reformed around her, then her hair, fingernails, everything reformed until finally Thalia was whole again. Breathing deeply, trembling on the floor as her psyche struggled to recover from the agony she had experienced.

Lilith waited with a smile, relished the dark magic permeating through the air. She knew it wouldn't be long until the humans reacted to this darkness, but it didn't matter now. A new Nosferatu had been born.

As Thalia's eyes finally opened, glowing blood red in the crimson moonlight, Lilith's smile became almost manic. Finally, her kin walked the earth again. Finally, the vampires extinction was overturned. Finally...

The wheel turns upon all human-kind.

_______________

I honestly may try writing this in third person, but yeah, this is my story idea. It's basically the prologue to what's going to happen. It's obviously gonna take place over several chapters, and since Thalia's the main character it will be told from her perspective. I'd love any and all feedback. :3

[hannahlovesluca]

I heard u do Nijisanji matchups can i have one please 🥺

Nijisanji male romantic matchup plz

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people who don’t take others into consideration (like make insensitive jokes or don’t consider the comfort of others or are mean just cause they can) people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

Thank you (lemme know if u wanna do a trade)

hello!!! honestly, you seem like such a great person!

i think you would do really well with…

Luca Kaneshiro!

Honestly, you guys have such diverse personalities that I genuinely just think you guys would get along great! Luca has stated before that he likes a more cat-like personality and shy people!

• He’s my oshi so im lowkey jealous but omg imagine him knowing about your disorder and carrying you/ giving you piggy back rides when you don’t feel so well or moving is extra hard for you <3

• he will make sure you’re always comfortable going on trips with him!! esp if youre a part of NIJISANJI and you have to go on a trip with him!!

• also, if you try to hide the fact that you’re not doing too well, he wont actually be mad, but he will pout and tell you to take care if yourself and run around the house doing things for you. (omg imagine him making you something to eat in a little apron AHHHHHH)

• Luca does NOT hide his feelings, he loves telling you just how much he loves you (although he will be flushged unless you’ve been together for awhile, even then he might still stutter), he has absolutely no problem with PDA and poor boy just wants to show the whole world how much he loves you - NIJI rules be damned.

• if he gets jealous, say another man is flirting w you or got you something NO HESITATION HE WILL WRAP HIS ARMS AROUND YOUR WAIST im kicking my feet oh my god

• SPEAKING OF WAIST. you have an hourglass body OH MY GOD HE LOVES YOUR HIPS SM. you guys are cuddling, his arms are wrapped around your hips. Waiting in line? Hand on your hip. ANYTHING - his hands are on your hips

• Luca does not understand how you genuinely like reading, however, he will absolutely let you read him to sleep if he cant sleep!

• speaking of sleep if he’s sick and you read or sing him to sleep he will actually melt oh my god please love on this man he will actually do anything for you

• “Y/N, why do you love me so much?”

I COULD WRITE SO MUCH MORE FOR THIS MAN PLSSSS IM IN LOVE

[babycharmander]

This is a thought I've had for a long while, and I'm finally getting around to writing it now. That thought is, to put it simply, this:

You are hurting more people by "calling out" properly warned-for art/writing (especially if it's not posted to major tags) that you find morally reprehensible, than would wind up getting hurt if that thing were just left alone.

This is not a “pro” or “anti” thing. I'm not here to argue what is or isn't morally reprehensible, or what should or shouldn't be allowed in fiction. That's not what this is about. (And if you bring up ANY of that in the replies or notes, I am removing those, because I do NOT want this post derailed.)

What this is about is how these attempts at helping people can very often wind up hurting those same people you are trying to protect.

Do you want to keep people away from violent art who don't want to see it? Cool, so do I. Do you want to make sure minors don't see smut? Great! We're in the same boat. Do you want to make sure trauma survivors aren't exposed to content that would potentially trigger them? Awesome! Same here!

So then please, please, please, if you encounter a fanwork that is labeled for something you find disgusting, something you want people protected from... do not take that content directly to those people who would be hurt by it.

Most people who don’t want to see these things already have them blocked. By making a post warning about this thing that was already tagged for, already warned for, screenshotting the content, sometimes posting the thing in its entirety, and then saying "this person posted this Bad Thing! You should avoid it, and tell everyone else to avoid it too!" you are, ironically, bringing it to the attention of people who would have already otherwise been able to avoid it, or who would have otherwise not even seen it at all. You are triggering people by showing them this thing you don't want them to see, or telling people where to find this thing that is harmful to them, and then encouraging them to tell everyone else.

You're discovering a well-labeled book about something repulsive, and then setting up a big, flashing sign pointing directly to that book (and sometimes opening the book to the gross part for all to see), and screaming over a megaphone, "HEY!! THIS BOOK HAS GROSS STUFF IN IT! YOU SHOULD AVOID IT! YOU SHOULD TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS EXACTLY WHERE IT IS AND HOW GROSS IT IS AND HOW THEY SHOULD AVOID IT, TOO!"

Do you see the problem here?

I want to tell you a story: I'm old, and I've been on the internet for a long time, back when fics (other than ones on FFN) were harder to find. And I remember sometimes... you'd hear about certain Fics. You had to be looking for them to find them, and they were usually spoken of with horror and disgust. "Hey, have you seen that Fic? It's messed up."

I, a teenager at the time, heard about them once by pure chance. What actually happened in them was never described, but the sheer amount of weight put on them made me curious. So I looked one of them up. There were warnings on the page. I went past them and decided to see if this fic was really as bad as they said. It was worse. So, so much worse--I couldn't get far into the fic before I started feeling sick. It was not triggering for me, fortunately, but it wasn't good for me, either.

That was just from a fic being mentioned. It wasn't being broadcast to everyone or being asked to be spread around--it was just mentioned in a place where only a handful of people would see it.

Now, though, it's not just fics being whispered in forums and chatrooms with horror. Now these warnings are posted in big, bold letters and demanded to be spread around social media, to get as much of an audience as possible.

And now it's not just "this fanwork is messed up." Now it's "this fanwork is morally wrong!" Whether it is or is not morally wrong is not the point. The point is that the weight of morality causes a feeling of responsibility, which creates a desire to take action. The result of this is people feeling like they need to spread this to everyone, or even to go further, to view the content (and possibly more of its kind) themselves to verify just how bad it is... and in doing so, hurt themselves. 

(As a side note, this can turn into a self-harm practice, with a person exposing themselves to content that hurts them, over and over again, and telling themselves that they’re doing it to help others. It’s a trap I’ve fallen into myself, albeit not with fandom, and it’s not something I would want anyone to go through.)

A lot of the people who wind up doing this are minors or trauma survivors--the ones that the probably-well-meaning people who made the original warning set out to protect in the first place. And they're the ones diving in and hurting themselves by viewing content they should not be exposed to, by viewing content that triggers flashbacks and panic attacks and worse, because they feel like they have to--they feel like they have a responsibility to do this to protect other people.

As a result, no one is protected.

Look... if you run across a fic or art that's not-SFW and/or has possibly triggering or harmful subject matter, and is NOT properly warned or tagged for those things, and it is posted in a place where people who should not see it would be exposed to it, then by all means, do something about it. Tell the person to properly tag the content. Report it if you can. Warn people that, "hey, there's something that's been posted to the tags that could hurt you, please block this tag or block this person to avoid it."

But if that content that you view as morally reprehensible or potentially harmful was already tagged, if it already has every needed warning, if it was posted to a private blog or personal website or some place out of the way where it wouldn't be stumbled across... how are you helping anyone by dragging it out for everyone to see?

If a pit of acid already has caution tape around it, warning signs, and everything else, then leave it alone, and stop surrounding it with blinking lights and arrows and putting up billboards and handing out fliers showing where the thing is.

Someone who otherwise wouldn't go anywhere near it is going to wind up jumping in to see if it's real.

[ryker-writes]

Can I have a matchup plz

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people who don’t take others into consideration (like make insensitive jokes or don’t consider the comfort of others or are mean just cause they can) people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

Thank you

"Of course! I'd be happy to give you a matchup, and I appreciate all the information you gave me. From your personality and likes, you actually remind me a lot myself when I was younger. But pushing that aside, I know who to match you with.

I think you would do well with Silver!"

Silver adores how kind you are and how much you take care of those around you

it's one of the big reasons he loves you

though you may be more of a shy and anxious introvert, Silver is always there for you when you need help in social situations or just support in general

his presence is always so comforting so just having him there is a big help

Silver is perhaps the most stable of all the students, and will try to be a stable pillar of support for you

he loves to spend time with you and will sleep near you while you read or watch anime or play games

he'll also bring you sweets he buys from Sam's

Silver would never harm an innocent person and is very caring himself, so he's not going to stand for you not taking care of yourself

he will not even kill spiders, so he'll just trap and release it whenever one is bothering you

while he loves to help you, his love language is definitely quality time and words of affirmation

he's fine with physical affection and has no problem with giving or receiving it at any time

[itsliyahhbih]

hi! i’m going to believe you asked the question about miles in good faith, so i’ll answer it in good faith!

the main thing is that minors cannot consent in the real world, especially one as young as miles given that he’s 15. minors shouldn’t be engaging in sexual activities, even consuming/creating smut on the internet (posting it is the issue here, teenagers often write erotic works as a means of self expression). this puts them in the same environment as adults and makes the main topic sex, which puts them in a dangerous position. this is why most smut writers stress their work is intended for 18+ only.

secondly, age discourse happens in every fandom. genuinely, every single one. it’s a bit more prevalent in the itsv fandom given a lot of the characters are underage, including peni, gwen, miles, 42-miles, hobie (stated as a teenager in the official art book), and pavitr, but still no different. there’s nothing wrong with people their age finding them attractive, but publicly posting erotica featuring these minor characters AS a minor is putting yourself in needless danger. not to mention, consuming sexual content regularly as a minor is not good for your mental state regardless.

i apologize if i came off as mean or condescending! it truly wasn’t my intention. i hope you have a good day/night!

Honestly thank you sm for an actual reply and being mature about it! This wasn’t mean or condescending at all!

I genuinely was curious as to other’s opinions or what the bad could be around the topic. It was in good faith and curiosity, But to respond to your points made ..Me personally tho so it’s just my opinion or thoughts.

If a teenager is going to be sexually active or even read sexual stuff I don’t think there’s much we as a society could do about it…Even when labeled 18+ they will still read it 🫤Just like some have talks with their parents of “don’t have sex yet” but even then the parent says “if you do please come to me and tell me” because at the end of the day they know as a parent ,a teenager ((or anyone rlly)) is going to do what they wanna do and there rlly isn’t much to stop them.

And I would sure hope that a minor can consent in the real world ? I don’t necessarily know what you mean by that statement. Anyone should ask for consent before just jumping into sexual activities Via Irl . I guess my question being, why should people need consent to write about sexual content when a famous writer can create a graphic or erotic about made up characters all day? I don’t know if I’m putting this right or doing any justice explaining 😭 but for example back to my George R Martin reference with Daenerys Targaryen or even the stuff they’ve put in those shows so far .

A lot of young adults/teens are sexually active and I wouldn’t necessarily say they “shouldn’t” be depending on the age of said ‘teen’ . If you’re an actual teenager I mean..being horny and having raging hormones is normal 😅 Even being sexually active is normal hence why there are talks and precautions taken to help promote safety while being sexually active . I truly don’t believe a minor reading smuts is putting themselves at danger, but could it lead to some curiosity, questions..yes.

At ANY age it’s not “good” to be consuming sexual content on a dailyy, but at the same time it’s not bad either. Definitely depends on the person, the self control and the sex drive idk if you can normalize with sexual desire and needs within each person, what’s normal and what’s not.

If you could please explain how it’s putting them in endless danger ,that would be helpful, because even then you can remain completely anonymous nor do you have to verbally interact with smut if you read it . Where is the harm in the reading and writing of smut ? I would have to say it’s a form of expressing emotions to read or write a work of any kind genuinely. I would definitely say there’s dangers in sexual activity though IN PERSON, Irl, or speaking to someone online, but I just don’t see the danger with the reading and writing concept . idk I hope this isn’t coming off as negative, argumentative or even snappy . 🫶🏼 you have a good day/night as well tho hun!