#begging that someone else will write the next zelda game

[ganondoodle]

im actually pretty glad there are at leat a few people that agree with me that totks wordlbuilding/story is disappointing to insulting really

its such a let down and will never stop being a thorn in my side how much build up and potential they wasted with disregarding pretty much everything of botw just to introduce not just less compelling stuff but also kinda undercut what was already there

like im sorry but being able to glue a few sticks together isnt worth sacrificing the buildup from the previous title and quality of the story for

[itsyaboi-lehoe]

So I had an idea…

(Disclaimer: in no way do I think this actually will be the next Zelda game, this is all for fun lol)

The next Zelda game takes place thousands of years after TotK. Hyrule has many settlements across its land, some small, some large, but they are all over the land. The royal family has not been around since the legendary sealing of the Calamity, the family who carries the Blood of the Goddess is unknown, living amongst everyone else, hiding, in a way.

It is sudden when word gets out that civilians start hurting each other, their friends and families, neighbouring villages, it sparks concern as the word and the violence “disease” travels. Within Faron Woods, when word finally gets to the villages, many panic. Some drop to their knees, begging for the one with the Goddess’ Blood to appear and save them all. Some young folk within the Faron Woods villages decide to go and find the one themselves, determined to bring an end to the clear evil that rises.

This brings us to our dear hero, Link, who is a bit of a savage, quite selfish and frankly, he doesn’t wanna get out of bed and find some woman who will “magically heal the world or whatever.” However, he is forced to go, donning a basic village tunic with a red cape, both partially ripped due to his own doing. He heads off, a shitty sword at his hip, heading in the one direction the others did not travel in.

The first village he sees is desolate, and is his first witness to the horror that Hyrule faces. Despite all the blood, he finds no one there. The next village, he finds someone sane enough to talk to, an elder, who tells him that there’s a temple nearby the one he is looking for may reside in. After defeating the boss, he finds no one. He moves on, and the cycle repeats, although he does find more survivors, each one pleading for him to help them, of which the player decides what to do - make him more sympathetic or more selfish.

After no luck of finding the one with the Goddess’ Blood, Link enters one of the biggest villages, the one in the centre of Hyrule, where the old castle from the Calamity era still stands, although it rumbles with cracks and rubble everywhere, no walkable path in sight. There, he assists more people and is taken to the safe house alongside them, although he assures them he does not wish to go. Despite himself, he finds himself there, standing around. Eventually, a young woman about his age walks in, she looks at him briefly, before looking after someone’s wounds, healing it with magic, something Link hasn’t ever seen. The woman checks up on everyone, and when one civilian tells him about the “Goddess’ Spring” he knows where he has to go next.

He leaves for it in the morning, leaves behind the crying civilians, who can barely remember their lives before the evil infected them or their loved ones. In the Goddess’ Spring lies a brilliant sword, the Master Sword, and he takes it without hesitation. He defeats the beast of the spring (temple) and finds the woman he saw before praying at the spring itself. She recalls for him the history of the Blood of the Goddess, at least according to her research, and she channels her beliefs and dedication through her hands, creating magic that heals. Her name is Zelda, and allows herself to follow along with Link on his quest. Link detests the idea and threatens to go home, but Zelda tells him he can’t go home, because if he does return unsuccessfully, he won’t even be praised for his efforts. Reluctantly, Link gives into the manipulation, fearing a bruised ego, and the two continue into various villages, of whom give more info regarding the Goddess’ Blood, which Zelda writes down, while Link’s hand itches to take down as many enemies as possible. Although that weird triangle glow is also kind of making his hand itch, or maybe it’s the fact that Zelda also has the same glow but in her opposite hand.

Eventually, the two are told that the persistent evil lays within the old castle, and so they make their way in, and somehow, Zelda makes contact with the Princesses of old, revealing that she is the one with the Goddess’s Blood and that her magic on the back of her hand is one of a kind, repelling evil, and that the evil has struck at the civilians because there was no royal family to target. Link recalls every dead body he saw, and almost reveals his anger to Zelda until he sees that she too is angry. Angry at herself for being unable to prevent such evil from rising, being unable to help more people… Link finds himself also being remorseful, wondering if he could have helped more, should have helped more? He looks down at his left hand, the glow of the Triforce ever bright.

Zelda’s ancestors tell them that the evil will persist to get Zelda, but more noticeably, it will try and kill Link first, due to the Master Sword partially hidden by his cape. He draws the sword, and vows to assist Zelda in any way he can, surprising her. Zelda, who always wanted to prove herself to the ones of old, now known to her as her ancestors, moves forward to the Sanctum, followed by Link, and they encounter Ganondorf.

Their goal is clear, and soon enough, after a fight of two vs one, Zelda is able to seal the damned man away. Immediately afterwards, Zelda smiles at Link, and for the first time in the game, Link smiles too.

Recalling the reasoning of why civilians were attacked, Zelda establishes the monarchy once again, and with surprising ease and acceptance of those living. She tells them everything that happened, and postgame is multiple Tarrey Town esq side quests, the biggest one being for the castle rebuilding.

There’s many more side quests from villagers, especially with Link being more open, although he still can be a jerk, depending on the players choices, and the true ending cutscene of the game is of Zelda holding her firstborn in her arms, Links partially gloved hand in frame, the child giving a big smile to the world as they cling onto Link’s pinky. (Yes you may assume that this child is a zelink child🥰)

And these are the designs I created for Link and Zelda respectively! Some extra notes; Link is left handed and Zelda’s purple sash was given to her by a civilian, while her red red is actually Link’s cape and is worn postgame!

[void-dust-muffin]

called out by @egg-exe to list my favorite character from 10 different fandoms.

I. Do not remember names. And I refuse to look anything up. we'll see how this goes.

1) Kal'Tsit from arknights. I've been low key obsessing over the game for a while now, and Kal is definitely one of the coolest characters. Storied past, cold demeanor belying genuine care and kindness for everyone under her, Mon3tr, the team that made her did a good job and she really just exemplifies the strength of the game in general. But I can talk to the moon and back about how stupid good the writing for arknights is, especially considering it's a gacha mobile game, so ill move on

2) Neopolitan from rwby. I fell in love with rwby's setting all the way back when I first watched it. Its unique mix of fantasy and technopunk drew me in and its character concepts have kept me there ever since. Neo probably the most. A mute character being the wisecracking villain's muscle and making her shorter than literally the rest of the cast? Peak. If only they made a character to go with the cool moves.

3) Princess Zelda in Breath of the Wild. Sweetheart's trying her best and facing frustration at every turn. Somebody hug her I'm begging you. (it's me, the sweetheart is her but also me)

4) Jafar Fire Emblem 7. Played the game years ago, loved his character design and his class(crits go brrrrr), but his story is the real selling point. The way he interacts with Nino is so sweet and I have such a soft spot for both of them(technically illegal two faves from one fandom oops).

I had the next one and then I lost it uhhhhh not the one I had but we'll go with

5) I was going to say a different character from portal but then I remembered the boy: Space Core.

6) Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist. Her relationship with the major is so heartfelt and the writer did them so well. If you've never watched it go and do that cuz it's just so well put together.

7) Padparadsha from Houseki no Kuni. God that manga is a train wreck. Phos you walking disaster. I love it. Anywho, pad is an interesting character in an already very interesting cast of characters. Their entire existence, teetering between waking and immobility is an exploration of how much of the gem is required for them to function. how much them can be removed before they just. cease.

8) Waymond from Everything Everywhere All At Once. First off, if you haven't watched the movie, go see it. Second, damn I didn't think anyone would actually read this far. Waymond is such a wholesome man he changes the way the woman going through the infinite possibilities of the multiverse thinks. He finds joy in everything he does and shares it with everyone around him. Not because he's ignorant of the struggles of life, because with happiness they become easier. And the man that played him is just as sweet. At the Oscar's when it was announced as best picture he went up on stage too and was hugging everyone. I would die for him.

9) Finn from the star wars sequel trilogy. As bad as they were, when the force awakens came out I remember seeing it and being excited to see what they would do with a stormtrooper main character. And then they didn't do anything, wasting all of his potential. But if there's one thing I learned from rwby, it's that someone else was just as disappointed and wrote a fanfiction exploring what canon didn't.

And now time for the niche reach.

10) Maven from the web novel Save the Demon King. Maven is the eponymous demon king, a near mythical figure in setting and the last demon alive. He is such a fun character in a fun setting that is very well written. I refuse to say more except for go read it. It's free on tapas and very good.

Honorable Mention:

I did think of Hades the game as a possible fandom but everyone in it is too good. I can't choose. the short list is half the hub area characters and at least three of the gods on top of that

fuckin hell theres an hour down the drain. gotta keep the chain going so uhhhhh @krindenium you're the only other human that I know on this site.

[silverdragon-imagines-blog]

Picori Festival of Fools

[This was a one-shot that was written for Round 2 of the March write-off tournament thing. This was written on March 23rd 2021. This one was pretty fluffy all-things considered, a bit out of my comfort zone, but I had a blast writing it. As per usual, this is unedited and most likely won’t be posted anywhere else. I hope you enjoy ^u^]

Prompt: Someone's Hyrule is having a festival! The boys are just in time!

The sounds of flutes and drums seemed to echo from far off in the woods, the music immediately causing a smile to erupt on Four’s face.

“We arrived just in time! C’mon!” Four called out to the heroes behind him, breaking into a sprint. The other heroes had no hope of catching up to him, the Smith’s pegasus boots taking him to the entrance of Hyrule Town in no time at all. 

Legend reached him first, looking somewhat annoyed at being forced to run with his magic boots.

“A little warning next time maybe?”

“Sorry, not sorry!” Four shrugged, a giddy smile on his face, “It’s the day of the Picori Festival! I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

The other heroes caught up eventually, all of them panting as they approached. Four was bouncing on his feet, Legend looking on amused as Warriors flipped him off. As soon as they all recovered from the mad dash, Four cleared his throat gaining everyone’s attention.

“Today is the day of the Picori Festival, there’s a bunch of fun stuff to do! There are food stalls and a sword-fighting competition and a bunch of games with prizes to win!”

“Time? Can we join in?” Wind pleaded, doing his best impression of a begging Wolfie. Time rolled his eyes at the display, nodding in agreement.

“We can join in for today, I don’t see why we shouldn’t be able to have a bit of fun.”

With a cheer, Four led the way into town. A couple of soldiers saw them immediately and quickly followed the group.

“Any of you gentlemen care to join the sword-fighting competition? The young Princess Zelda has chosen a gift for the winner, no one knows what it is.”

Four laughed, knowing that Zelda- or Dot- had to have chosen something amazing or ridiculous to give the winner. The soldiers turned to him and froze for a moment, then smiled.

“Young Master Hero-Smith! Are you joining the competition as well?”

“No thank you, but any of my companions are free to join in. I’d love to watch them get their asses handed to them.”

Many of the other heroes glared at him, Hyrule and Wind snickering quietly. Time shook his head in amusement. Four watched as Warriors, Legend, Sky, and Twilight signed up and were quickly led away from the front gates to the location of the competition. 

“Well, if you don’t need me, I’ll be checking out the food stalls,” Wild said, starting to walk away only for Time to grab the collar of his tunic.

“I don’t trust you to stay out of trouble, so Wind and I will accompany you.”

“Wait, why do I have to come?!” Wind shouted in outrage.

“No one trusts you to behave yourself, you sticky-fingered pirate,” Wild replied with a smug grin.

Time led them away, the two heroes already starting to poke fun at the other for their habits. Hyrule shook his head, laughing quietly.

“Hey, want to see something cool?” Four asked, holding out a hand to the traveler. He nodded, the Smith beginning to lead him to a building with a large wooden book on the front of it.

The library was empty of people, save for the librarian quietly reading at the front desk. The pair walked further inside, up to the second floor and next to an upturned and cracked pot. Four stopped in front of it, standing with his hands on his hips and a bright smile on his face.

“Do you want to go on a tiny adventure with me?”

Hyrule smiled, already beginning to cast his fairy spell as Four climbed atop the overturned pot. In mere seconds, Hyrule was flying and Four was walking out of a crack close to the floor. Hyrule descended, grasping Four’s arms and lifting the two of them into the air.

“Go to the far bookshelf, the top of it. Once you land, just follow me.”

The traveler nodded, flying to the indicated area and gently touching down. Four held his hand and led the way up a small ladder that led to the rafters above. There, a group of Minish greeted them, hugging the small Smithy. It seemed that they were celebrating the festival in their own little way, a block of wood piled high with treats from the bakery and other food stalls. Four talked to the Minish in their own chittering language while Hyrule enjoyed the food and company of an unseen race. Time seemed to fly by as they talked and danced with the small creatures until soon, Four led him back to the entrance of the hideaway.

“C’mon, I want to see who ends up winning the sword-fighting competition,” he said as Hyrule began the flight to the pot from earlier, “20 rupees says Legend won.”

“How about we see who even made it to the finals first,” Hyrule laughed, letting the Smith down on top of the pot.

With a few whispered words, the two were normal-sized and racing off towards the castle, the streets much less crowded now that the competition was underway. Four held onto Hyrule’s hand as he weaved around the crowd and to the castle entrance where Dot was watching the fight.

“Who made it to the finals,” Four whispered, startling her. He laughed as the princess smacked him on the arm with mock anger.

“This knightly looking fellow called Warriors and a pink-haired guy called Legend. The fight is just about to start.”

A horn blew soon after, the two heroes watching as the Captain and Veteran clashed in the middle of the square. They backed up, getting into an offensive stance and clashing once again in the middle. They were at a stalemate, and Hyrule could see the mischievous look in Legend’s eye. He barely suppressed a smirk as he watched his predecessor kick a leg out, knocking the Captain on his ass. With a smug smile, he held his Tempered Sword to Warriors’ neck. 

“I do believe I win.”

Warriors groaned as he admitted defeat. The soldier keeping track of the fight announcing Legend as the winner to the cheering crowd. The victor was taken to Dot, Hyrule waving as Four tried to hide laughter under his hand.

“Legend, right? Congratulations on your victory,” Dot spoke, smiling politely with her hands behind her back, but her eyes shone with amusement.

“Thank you, it was fun knocking my opponent down a few pegs.”

“To commemorate your victory, I offer you a token of good luck,” Dot smiled as she held out two halves of a bright yellow stone.

Legend looked confused as he took one of them, but then brought the half he held to connect with the princess’s half. The stone glowed as it disappeared, and Dot smiled.

“Now, how about a fight with the hero of our land?”

“Oh, that’s no fair, Dotty. I outnumber him four to one.”

It was quiet for a moment until the joke registered and the crowd mixed with laughs and groans. Legend looked outraged.

“Did you just make a fucking pun on your name?!”

Four didn’t reply, trying to dodge the Veteran’s furious swipes at his head. 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 272: (Directed by Michael Bay)

Previously on BnHA: The My Child Soldiers Academia arc finally started to live up to its name as Tokoyami became the first (but I assure you not the last) victim of traumatic mental scarring courtesy of Horikoshi’s sick games! So he and Dark Shadow showed up to stop Dabi from murdering Hawks and were all “please don’t kill our mentor.” Dabi was all “AH BUT YOUR MENTOR KILLED SOMEONE ELSE, AND ISN’T THAT JUST LIKE THE HEROES THOUGH, THEIR HANDS ARE SO STAINED WITH BLOOD” and then he tried to set both of them on fire several times in succession. Hawks was all “Tokoyami just run away while he’s in the middle of his five-hour sermon” and so they tried but Dabi followed them! But then Geten was all “ALL RIGHT EVERYONE... CHILL” and fucking froze everything for no discernible reason, and Tokoyami fled the building with an unconscious Hawks in tow as the battle raged on. The chapter then ended with Gigantomachia being all “I smell my master!” and standing up, hahaha oh fuck.

Today on BnHA: Well you guys are not going to believe this, but it turns out that Tomura waking up is actually a very bad thing. A “worst case scenario” if you will! Because, get this, he has a quirk that can destroy anything, which spreads from whatever he touches to fucking everything and everywhere else. Gosh, if only we’d known about this since like 35 chapters ago. If only we’d had a spy among the villains who could have warned us, and three entire months to plan our attack, and literally every single hero in Japan on call to help us when the time came. Anyway so you’re really going to be shocked by this I’m telling you, but it turns out that when a crazy powerful person who wants to destroy everything finally wakes up, he immediately starts destroying everything with his crazy power. So X-Less dies and Crust dies and everyone else runs, and meanwhile the kids, who are on the outskirts of the city finishing up the evacuation, stand there in shock as the plot rampages toward them ready to swallow them whole. The chapter ends with Deku powering up to FORTY-FIVE PERCENT YEAHHHHH, and oh shit. Finally we’re doing this.

I am not even remotely done with all the shit I’m supposed to be finishing up, but fuck it, I need a break and reading the new chapter is by far the funnest thing on my current to-do list, so!

OH SNAPS MY BOY HAS FINALLY OPENED HIS EYES

IT ONLY TOOK HIM... OKAY LOOK I’M NOT GOING TO GO BACK AND COUNT ALL OF THE CHAPTERS, BUT LET’S SAY... FIFTEEN. ...HUNDRED. CHAPTERS TO FINALLY SNAP TO IT AND COME JOIN THE PARTY. BUT IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! PROBABLY. AHH LET’S JUST READ ON

-- ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohm --

[puts on glasses and unfolds map while poring through a mess of scribbles on post-it notes] -- hold up, if my calculations are correct, I’m pretty sure “somewhere a bit further from the hospital” is, in fact, where a certain THREE TROUBLE-PRONE DISASTERS ARE CURRENTLY HOLED UP. AHHH

can it really be true. are we finally rejoining our protagonist and his buddy cop friends after 97 years. how will everyone react to Deku reacting to Tomura waking up ahhhh

so Burnin’ is yelling at the civilians to let them know if they have any family or friends who need assistance evacuating

god I hate the fact that this is a fucking understatement

they’re not taking any chances after Kamino and Fukuoka huh. fool them once, shame on you. fool them twice, oh shit. but there will not be a third time! no one fucking destroys three cities in the span of six months on their watch, no sirree

(ETA: ...)

lol the kids are trying to get the elderly citizens on a bus to evacuate, but a lady is trying to give them candy and Kacchan and Ochako are of two different minds on whether or not to accept

Kacchan is absolutely right about Ochako’s motivations, but in her defense, who the fuck turns down free chocolate

IIDA!!

FUCKING CHRIST JAPAN IT’S 200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T SWITCHED TO DIGITAL RECORD-KEEPING? WHY IS THIS THE MOST REALISTIC THING IN THE ENTIRE MANGA TO DATE. MY GOOD SIR, IIDA IS LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH, ALL RECORDS AND BUILDINGS ABSOLUTELY CAN AND WILL BE COMPLETELY OBLITERATED IN THE CARNAGE TO COME. I’M SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO INFORM YOU OF THIS, BUT DAMN IT SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

(ETA: I sure hope these poor bastards had good insurance.)

also. this man here who looks like Beaker from the Muppets, who presumably has the power of Doing Anything Those Wacky Flailing Inflatable Tube Men That You See Outside Of Car Dealerships Can Do. ...yes. that’s it. that’s an intentionally incomplete sentence with a subject but no predicate. I just feel like we should all sit and stare at him for a good thirty more seconds before continuing on with our lives

OH MY GOD

THEY’RE EVACUATING THE PETS TOO AHHHH. EXCUSE ME CERTAIN SOMEONES WHO THINK ALL HEROES ARE “DIRTY.” I SEE YOUR ARGUMENTS AND RAISE YOU THIS ONE SINGLE PANEL. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT. NOW WHAT DABI. AT A LOSS FOR WORDS I SEE. YOU JUST SIT AND PONDER THAT FOR A WHILE

is... this... a space shuttle man

is this literally just a man with a Boeing for a head. FUCKING QUIRKS THOUGH!!!!! ~*~wild~*~

OH MY GOD AND WE’RE BACK

time for some HORCRUX SHENANIGANS!! IS YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT SCAR BURNING DEKU. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED IS BACK AHHHH

so now he’s slightly hunching forward with his hands pressed together and Todoroki is immediately sensing that something is wrong ahhhhh

(ETA from like 5 days later: I had that as “Tokoyami” instead of “Todoroki” for the better part of a solid week you guys. SHOUTO YOU WERE GONE FOR SO LONG I FORGOT YOUR FUCKING NAME whoop.)

here come dat angst. here comes Horikoshi’s hand beckoning the trio closer and welcoming them to the pain parade ahhh. from now on that’s how I’m ending all my sentences btw. it just seems right. ahhh

OH MY LORD OH MY

ladies and gentlemen, YOU WERE SAYING DEKU DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT LATELY? HE’S NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH AS A PROTAGONIST, IS HE? well maybe that’s because Horikoshi has been saving this one juiciest of plot nuggets for a rainy day precisely like this! BRING ON THAT CHOSEN ONE ANGST AHHHHH

anyway so yes it is indeed OFA speaking to him in the form of Lil Bro a.k.a. the first user

lol I’m trying to think of commentary but it’s difficult seeing as I’M ALREADY SCROLLING DOWN TO IMPATIENTLY READ THE NEXT PAGE

lmao the fuck

okay Princess Zelda. can you get any more flowery with those descriptions though. A TRANSCENDENT BEING. A SUPERLATIVE ENTITY. A SUBLIME, PREEMINENT ORGANISM. FREED FROM ITS SHACKLES. UNFETTERED BY ALL EARTHLY LIMITATIONS

OH MY GOD

it absolutely boggles my mind that this guy is somehow still alive. ??! how many chapters and panels has it been now. he’s like the goat in the t-rex pen in fucking Jurassic Park. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET EATEN ALREADY

...

do you... want a blanket. ...?

(ETA: do you ever just. wake up and you’re like “ah shit it’s cold”, and then you destroy an entire city. mm.)

do you all suppose X-Less is fully aware that he’s about to die though? he hasn’t even moved. I imagine that sitting next to Tomura actually is much like sitting next to a giant t-rex. like he has to know there is no getting out of this alive. poor guy

damn Mic isn’t even looking back he’s just running back into the main room where all the rest of them are

wow this fight is still going on

I don’t know why, I just expected it to all magically be over all of a sudden now that we have bigger things to worry about. do you guys remember when we were all worried about the High End Noumus being the biggest threat. hahahahaha

(ETA: moment of silence for ALL OF THE FUCKING HIGH ENDS lmao. that did not go how I expected that plotline to go AT ALL, but at least we got the best fucking battle in the entire manga out of it.)

jesus CHRIST ENOUGH WITH THIS

WE GET IT TOMURA IS DANGEROUS AND SCARY AND EVIL AND AWAKE!!! JUST PLEASE GET TO IT ALREADY GOD I’M BEGGING YOU

FINALLY

goddammit. my reaction to this should have been much more “!!!” and “OH SHIT”, but he dragged it out so much that my initial reaction was one more of relief than horror. maybe it’s because of the way I read the chapters, constantly pausing to do commentary as I go along, but whenever a chapter has a ton of panels of people just staring into the distance awash with dread, it really stands out to me lol. there’s only so much I can write about that kind of thing. ah well at least we’re finally getting to the action

I genuinely can’t tell if Ujiko is frightened that he’s about to be disintegrated by Tomura’s quirk, or excited that Tomura is awake

maybe both lol. well don’t worry you’re not gonna die that easily, much as you would not catch me complaining if you did

thanks Gran

lol where was all this speed throughout the rest of this arc though. “we’re only competent when the plot necessitates it” huh. is that right

oh shit it’s destroying the rest of the lab

those are all of Ujiko’s collected quirks, right? someone please tell me if this is a good or a bad thing. on the one hand if they’re all destroyed it means Tomura can’t get them and Ujiko can’t make any more Noumus. but on the other hand this means they won’t ever be able to give them back to the original users (if any of them are even still alive). and also that’s a lot of evidence that’s being wiped out as well

oh shit they didn’t know about this?!

even after Deika City, you didn’t put two and two together?? even with all of Hawk’s intel?? what the hell did you think happened there?

well this explains why everyone was so la-dee-da-no-rush about capturing him though. well that’s on you guys. next time maybe don’t waste 20 minutes uselessly battling redshirt Noumus while Mirko has to do everything herself

anyway so I feel like people other than X-Less are almost certainly going to die here, and fuck. I’m not ready for any of this

AHH THE KIDS

BIT SLOW ON THE UPTAKE THERE KACCHAN LOL. FOR A MOMENT YOU HAD ME WORRIED THERE WAS SOMEHOW A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THREAT APPROACHING FROM THE OTHER SIDE, BEFORE YOU TURNED AROUND TO LOOK WHERE THE OTHERS WERE LOOKING

ALSO JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT SHOUTO’S DAD IS IN THAT HOSPITAL, ALONG WITH THEIR TEACHER! HERE. COME. DAT. ANGST

LOOK AT THIS CONSPICUOUSLY INTACT BUILDING AS IT STANDS THERE ALL OMINOUSLY WITH THE NEARBY BIRDS AND CRITTERS FRANTICALLY FLYING AWAY

I want to see it crumble so bad. now this is the kind of foreboding cinematic disaster movie bullshit I can get into

FFFF WHY IS THIS PANEL SO HARD TO SEE

THERE’S TOO MUCH CHAOS AND TOO MANY PEOPLE LOST AMIDST ALL THESE SHATTERING AND FALLING TUBES, BUT I NEED TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS SAFE AHHH

...okay so I see Ryuukyuu in the top right, and I think that’s RockLockRock on her back. Thirteen is clearly there in the bottom center, but I don’t know who that is next to them. and then of course Gran and Mic on the left. and a bunch of others spread out in various other places, but... where the hell is Aizawa??

OH THANK GOD

FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI, I KNOW FULL WELL YOU’RE NOT JUST GOING TO KILL OFF THE WORLD’S PREEMINENT DAD STRAIGHT UP OUT OF THE BLUE HERE, AND YET I STILL FELT ANXIETY AT THIS LAST PANEL. HOW DID YOU EVEN

BITCH YOU BETTER LET THE FUCK GO BEFORE I --

!!!

oh my god I gasped in real life. stop making me fear for the lives of main characters!!

he. he --. crust. he. ...

I literally stopped reading and had to stop and cover my mouth with both of my hands I’m

silence. no screaming. no flailing. no freaking out. just silence

shit. rest in peace you old sedimentary bastard. respect to you for saving the father of my children in your last fleeting moments. I still have not the slightest idea how you rose through the ranks to somehow become the sixth fucking highest rated hero (HERO BILLBOARD CHART, IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT. ARE YOU FEELING OKAY), but you sure did go out with style though

also this may be tacky of me to point out during such an emotionally charged moment, but one second Aizawa is wearing his goggles like normal, and the next they’re suddenly pushed up onto his forehead so we can see the anguish in his bloodshot eyes. there was no reason to do that other than angst and we all know it. so yes Shouta you dramatic bitch, I am calling you out. why Horikoshi felt he had to add to your many accumulated traumas is beyond me. you don’t deserve this and I am so, so sorry

OH GOOD I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK WHERE THE FUCK ENDEAVOR WAS

seeing as we just went over this with Gran, I will take the high road here and won’t ask why you’re only this fast now and couldn’t have been this useful this ages ago back before Tomura woke up. oh wait does sarcastically saying I won’t bring it up count as bringing it up. well whatever. middle road, then

sob I’m getting flashbacks to the end of Return of the Jedi when they’re all frantically flying out of the Death Star as it explodes

friendly reminder that Ryuukyuu, clearly the fastest one here despite carrying like 20 people, was number 10 in the rankings for some unknown reason. again, r.i.p. Crust you well-meaning geriatric soul

also just a stray thought, I hope it’s clear now why it was so important to give Deku those additional quirks. at a minimum he needs Blackwhip and Float just so he doesn’t instantly die the moment he’s in Tomura’s general vicinity. sob I’ve joked so much about flying quirks and here they are becoming fucking prerequisites now

anyway so Ujiko is mourning the loss of his lab, which again, good riddance mostly. but r.i.p. that evidence though

(ETA: nah the “total loss” part is referring to how the heroes fucked up so soundly and thoroughly. anyway no one would blame Mic if he accidentally dropped Ujiko in the midst of all this chaos, I’m just saying. I guess they need any intel he could still provide now more than ever though.)

OH MY GOD!!

LAUNDRY HERO WASH?! THIS SUDSY BOI CAN ACTUALLY KICK ASS WHAAAAT

oh my god oh my god it’s still spreading??!

fuck fuck fuck at this rate it’ll reach the kids

(ETA: that happened really fast actually.)

-- oh FUCK NO you had better NOT FUCKING TOUCH FUCKING PIXIE BOB, I WILL MAIL MYSELF TO JAPAN PANDEMIC OR NO PANDEMIC. DO YOU NOT SEE THE SIGN THAT SAYS “OFF-LIMITS.” RESPECT THE SIGN

SOB SHE’S SO BADASS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S STILL DISINTEGRATING FUCCCCCK. FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK EVERYTHING

AHHHHH

I can’t tell if her earthbending was able to stop it or not?? god help us all if it didn’t, I’m not even sure what else could stop it at this point

SHUT UP UJIKO!!

they really did. only to fuck it up completely at the finish line. well, the man most singularly responsible for it is dead now, again r.i.p. Crust you useless old legend

lmao despite myself

“by a miracle, or maybe through sheer will” even he acknowledges that Tomura waking up was basically complete bullshit. yes blah blah yadda yadda got zapped by some exposed wires explanation science. because we all know that getting electrocuted will fix you right up when your heart has stopped and you have completely flatlined. you can definitely trust Horikoshi on this and there’s absolutely no need to google how defibrillators actually work

also is he somehow wearing a cape now. again by a miracle or maybe through sheer will

YESSSSSSS

(ETA: one has to wonder what Ujiko’s plan was, assuming this scheme had actually played out. were they just banking on Tomura not waking up cranky and disoriented and wanting to test out his power. his quirk doesn’t exactly distinguish friend from foe here I’m just saying.)

the part of me that goes all “ooh ahh” when all the buildings explode in Independence Day is singing inside. but never fear, the rest of me is appropriately horrified though. what was that Burnin’ was saying about the city becoming a large-scale battle zone? sob

also this page sure serves as a nice refresher for exactly why Tomura Waking Up Was Bad, which was inexplicably a topic of some debate in recent weeks. yes in spite of everything the villains are still the bad guys who’d have thought. almost as if the purpose of humanizing a character is to show that they’re human, not that they’re right

WHAT’S THIS NOW???

WELL I’LL BE. IT’S BEEN AN EVENTFUL THREE MONTHS, APPARENTLY!??

HOOAHHHHHHHH

IT’S A BIRD IT’S A PLANE IT’S A BADASS OH SHIIIIITTTTTT

finally finally finally!!!!!!

THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN, REPEAT, THE SHIT HAS HIT THE PROVERBIAL FAN. THE PLOT IS FINALLY HAPPENING, REPEAT, THE PLOT IS FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENING AHHHHHH

and there is no one coming to save them this time. no one to arrive at the last second and say “it’s all right now because I am here.” they have to save themselves. they have to save everyone. the training wheels are finally coming off. the safety net has been removed. after 272 chapters, the story has finally reached a point where these kids, these children, who in spite of all they’ve been through have been protected and shielded from the worst of it up till now, will finally have to be the ones to save the day all on their own

and they are not ready. but also maybe they kind of are??! but they definitely are not. and oh god oh god oh god, FINALLY WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS. TIME TO FIX THE MESS THOSE SILLY GROWN-UPS MADE, CHILDREN. YOU GOT THIS

[quepasta]

A Relentless Past - Chapter 1

Author: Quepasta | AO3 | Twitter

Summary:  Link wakes up with no memory but discovers he has been asleep for 100 years. Now he must struggle with remembering his past, a painful past he has no memory of, and confronting his destiny in the present. Not to mention dealing with the crazy characters he meets while exploring the new world he has woken up in and the foes he runs into. Takes place during Breath of the Wild and expands on the story we know from the video game. (Part 1 of this trilogy. Also, you know I ship Zelink but this is the slowest slow burn I have ever written)

Author’s Notes:  Just a quick explanation of this story. This fic started out as a writing exercise and then it got out of control, as they usually do. This will be a trilogy, the first one (this one) being Link’s story during the game. Staying somewhat canon, but adding things that will round out the story and lead to non-canon things.    I will say that the story might be slow at first, but I promise I am building up to something. The first two chapters are setting up the scene and building Link’s character. My focus is on exploring his emotions during the game and how much he actually remembers, since we don’t get to see a whole lot of that.    The next story will be Zelda’s story before the calamity (not following Age of Calamity’s story, for obvious reasons). Mostly because I wanted to know more about her story and so I decided to write it. I actually wrote that story first, but I wanted to experiment with story telling by starting the trilogy in the present and then going back to the past. Also, the second story will answer questions that the first story will create.    The last installment will be after the game, following both Link and Zelda. The aftermath of the calamity and both of them rejoining the world after 100 years is very intriguing to me, so that is where my focus is. Also exploring some of the lore of the series. (We will see who puts their story out first, me or Nintendo lol. Please let us have an update on BOTW 2 soon)    The series will be an expansion of the canon story but also adding things that I would like to explore. Each installment will have many, many chapters. This has been the biggest project I have worked on so far. I hope you enjoy. Feel free to leave any polite feedback or questions. Thank you - Quepasta

   The fire crackling was the only noise that was made as the two strangers sat across from each other. One of them, a young man, tentatively ate the baked apple that the other stranger, an older gentleman, had given him. The young lad was starving but also felt sick to his stomach, but an apple had seemed like a good thing to try to settle himself.

  The young man squinted at the sunlight poking through the clouds, his eyes still adjusting. The sun shined brightly, searing its light into his retinas. His head hurt and he was insanely thirsty, but more than anything he was confused.

  He played the events that had just happened back in his head. He had seen the golden bright light and heard the voice, telling him to wake up. What had the voice called him? Link?

  He had woken up alone, no one else being in...well wherever he had been. But he was sure that not only had he heard someone, but had also felt someone’s presence there with him.

  Rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand, he continued working through the rest of the events that had happened since waking up. The voice had told him to pick up the sheikah slate, some sort of technology that was now hanging off the belt at his hip. The voice said the slate would guide him after his...long slumber. That’s what it had said. Whatever that meant.

  The slate had opened the door to the...chamber? That word came to his mind. He found clothes to change into inside some old chests after leaving the chamber, a pair of pants and a shirt that were both a size too small. But it was better than nothing.

  After going through another room and pressing the slate against another pedestal, Link found the way out. Finally he had been able to see outside, the door opening up to a tunnel that led outdoors. When the door opened, he had seen the bright light once more. And the voice spoke to him. It had called him Link again. What had it said?

  He racked his brain trying to remember, but it was as if his brain protesting back. An intense amount of pressure found itself at his forehead, and the young man closed his eyes until it went away.

  Then he finally remembered. The voice had said that he was the light that must shine upon Hyrule once again. The meaning behind that meant nothing to Link, finding himself lost at what the voice was trying to tell him.

  Climbing out of the tunnel, Link had felt the urge to run. The air up here was much fresher than the thick air back in the chamber. He let the urge take him to the edge of a cliff, and he stared out at the land below him. He gasped at how large everything was, he suddenly felt dwarfed by the world. Huge mountains, hills, valleys, forests, and rivers took up the landscape. A large mountain stood out to him, but it didn’t look like the rest of the mountains. Volcano, the word popped in his mind. It was a volcano.

  Link looked to his right, and that is when he first noticed the old man. It seemed like the old man had been watching him and when Link noticed him, he had turned around to walk away. Curiosity taking over, he walked down the slope to where he had seen the man sit down.

  As he approached the stranger, the smell of food overwhelmed him and he spotted the baked apple laying on the ground by the fire. Link had grabbed it without thinking, which caused the old man to finally speak.

  “I beg your pardon! I do believe that is my baked apple. You can’t just go about taking whatever you please!” The old man exclaimed.

 Instantly Link felt bad, of course he knew that. Why had he done it?

  Seeing Link’s expression, the old man laughed. “Oh ho! Forgive me, I could not resist pulling your leg. Please, help yourself.”

  Link watched the old man, checking to see if he was serious. The old man had nodded, and that’s when Link had sat down to eat the apple.

  “You know, it is a bit strange to see another soul in these parts.” The old man said, breaking the silence.

  Link looked up from the almost finished apple, raising his eyebrow in a question. “Who are you?” Link asked, the words feeling unnatural to him.

  “Me? I’ll spare you my life story. Ha! I’m just an old fool who has lived here, alone, for quite some time now. What brings a bright-eyed young man like yourself to a place like this?” The old man asked, leaning forward with his head slightly tilted.

  The fire in front of them turned his long white beard to a shade of amber, but somehow deepened the shadows the hood around his head created on his face.

  Link thought about the question for a second while chewing on the apple. He didn’t know the answer to that, which he figured he should know. It occurred to him he had no idea what this place was.

  “Where are we?” Link decided to ask, finishing the apple and flinging the core behind him.

  The old man laughed again. “Answering a question with a question. That is fair enough. This is the Great Plateau. According to legend, this is the birthplace of the entire kingdom of Hyrule.”

  There was that word again. Hyrule . It was a familiar word to Link, though he couldn’t pin down why.

  The old man got up and pointed to a building in the distance. “That temple there...long ago, it was the site of many sacred ceremonies. Though ever since the decline of the kingdom 100 years ago, it has sat abandoned, in a state of decay. Yet another forgotten entity. A mere ghost of its former self…” The old man trailed off and sat back down.

  Link watched him as he did so, he could see a different emotion pass over the old man’s face that had not been there earlier. Link racked his brain for a word to describe it. Sorrow. Pain. Sadness, were the words his mind provided back. Link stared at the old man. He had said he had lived in this area for awhile. Had he witnessed the decline he talked about?

  The old man looked at him, and nodded his head toward the path behind him. Link got the message, move along now.

  “Wait. Do you have a name?” Link asked.

  “Whatever you want to call me is fine. Do you have a name?” The old man asked in return.

  He thought about it for a second. “Link.” He replied quietly.

  The old man nodded, as if agreeing with him that was his name. But he said nothing more. Link gave him a nod in thanks, and walked on.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #327

starting to run outta steam... haha.

What design is on your shower curtain? It doesn't have one. Did you get in trouble for cussing on accident when you were a kid? Ha ha yeah, for yelling "HOLY SHIT!" once, lmao. Ever made a snow angel? Yeah. Do you laugh at racial jokes? Absolutley not. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? 999, in German. How’s your flirting skills? I wouldn't know, ask those I've flirted with. Have you ever cried over a breakup? For a whole year and then some. I still have episodes. What does your dream life look like? Living isolated in the woods by a river and waterfall with a fantastic spouse, me being a very successful photographer and at least somewhat above *just* financially "stable," maybe having at least one poem published, lots of pets (mostly snakes), plenty of travel opportunities (mostly for photography), being free of my social anxiety and actually being reasonably confident, back in great physical shape... I'm really daydreaming now. What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t? bleh Where did you meet your current or last significant other? YouTube, back when it was a much more social platform. Do you enjoy wine? No, it's way too bitter. What did you last ask your parents permission for? I asked Mom if I could snack on some chocolate chips she was saving for fudge (since Christmastime...). She was fine with it. Periods are fun. Do you get annoyed when you hear babies crying? I shouldn't, but I do. Me and babies just don't mix. Why were you in a waiting room the last time? I was at a doctor's appointment. What’s your lawyer’s name? I don’t have one. Do you own a lot of scarves? I don't think I own any... Would you ever get a face tattoo? I doubt it, but maybe something very small and subtle. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? Nature. The woods. Would you rather have a house exterior made from wood, brick, or stucco? Aesthetically, wood, but I don't support the continuation of wood housing in a society where we have many other options that don't harm the environment as much. So, realistically, brick. What is your favorite breakfast? Cinnamon rolls. Do you own a diamond ring? No. Have you ever stripped? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? IT with Girt. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. Yes or no: foreplay? Lmao who the fuck does it w/o foreplay first. Would you ever record you having sex? No fucking way. Something nobody’d ever guess about you? I used to be in great shape. Would you like to be a journalist? I actually wouldn't mind it. It was almost my minor the last time I was in college, actually, but the required courses were a no-no for me. Last year for school, we had an assignment where we had to choose a popular song to write a story based on. What song would you’ve picked? I don't know popular songs, so I'm picking any song. Off the top of my head, given my love for dark and morbid shit, maybe "Voyeur" by Otep. That song is messed up as fuck. No, it's actually not about sex, 'cuz I ain't interested in writing about that. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did. Do you have a long driveway? No, it's actually very short. Have you ever begged someone to stay with you? Oh yes. Are you friends with anyone missing one of their five senses? Not to my knowledge. Are you good at Pac Man? I'm no better than anyone else. Do you have an embarrassing period story? If so, what is it? No. Have you ever gotten high off a prescription medication? No. Do you prefer tampons or pads? Tampons. Pads are mega uncomf. How old were you when your parents talked to you about puberty? I don't know, actually. What stereotype do you fit the most? Geek, maybe? Emo? Idk. If you’re a worshipper, how do you worship? I don't worship anything. What’s your favorite pain reliever? Advil. Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? Not a lot, no. Does your father have facial hair? Yes. Have you ever had a hamster? Yeah, we went through a few. All of 'em were evil. Grape or strawberry jelly? Absolutely grape. What language would you most like to know fluently? German. Do you remember the last song you slow danced to? "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. Do you plan on having alcohol at your wedding? I don't know. Do you have an idea of who you might kiss next? I know who I WANT to kiss next, but that doesn't mean it'll happen. I hate psychic questions. Who’s the most controlling person you know? She's not in my life anymore. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A centipede, to name one. I've gotten more into the idea of owning invertebrates, and centipedes are in that hobby, but they creep me the fuck out. They're cool to watch, but I don't want one in my house. Do you have a picture of you throwing up the peace sign? Yeah, it's actually one of my favorite pictures of me without makeup. Has a very "me" vibe. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? Ha, yeah. Can you tell the difference between a Scottish and an Irish accent? Nope. Can you read music? Probably not anymore. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? Finding Dory takes the cake. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? If you compliment my Markiplier tattoo because you get it, we are immediately family. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? Ozzkat. I use it essentially everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? HA, way more than once. Hyperfixation is a friend of mine. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? C U T E ! ! ! What are your thoughts on mini-skirts or mini-dresses? ALSO C U T E ! ! ! Have you ever died in one of your dreams? Yes. What appliance in your kitchen do you use the most often? The microwave. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Sara, yes. And Sam once in a blue moon if we're playing WoW together. Are you allergic to any animals? No. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever been called bipolar? Well yes, because I am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? Hell no, and fuck you if you ever have. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? No. Have you ever had food poisoning? I don't think so, no. Favorite emoticon? Probably c: Do any emoticons annoy you? No, but an excessive amount of them I find disruptive to whatever I'm reading. Do you think there will be a WWIII? Yup, someday. Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? Yeah, back in high school. The most interesting thing that’s ever happened to you at a grocery store? I dunno. Probably running into someone unexpected. Do you have any good book ideas? Having written RP since I was 10 years old... I could by now write a dozen dictionary-sized novels encompassing what I think are the greatest storylines. I genuinely do believe there's some fantastic stuff we've got, but there's just too many horribly dark and twisted parts in the evil mobs that I am not comfortable publishing. Are you gonna see Cars 2? Well, this is old. I never even saw the first one. In all honesty, can a person be too nice? Yep. *points at Weed from GDW* Have you ever posted a video onto YouTube? Yeah, mostly "meerkat music videos," I guess you could say. Some tributes to certain MM characters, others just music with meerkat clips. How often do you compliment other people? I try to any time I have a sincere one. I am very much for complimenting people openly and often. The Legend of Zelda series: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? I'm not a fan of the franchise, honestly. Never got the hype. Do you even game at all? Most certainly, but not nearly as much as I used to... You can only replay old games but so many times before you just can't anymore. And the "newest" console I have is the original Wii, so... I definitely don't have the modern equipment. Would you give Zumba dance lessons a try if presented the opportunity? Probably not. Definitely not while my legs are in such bad shape; the dancing is pretty intense and would seriously hurt. I could easily imagine myself fainting. Do you own a rosary? No, but I did in my Catholic-raised childhood. Do you like Adult Swim? No. Sorry excuses for humor everywhere. What’s the first thing you do when you get on the computer? Do a quick check on KM just to ensure everything's in order. What’s one thing that you just wish you could do all of your life? Not have to pay bills, haha. If someone asks for your honest opinion, do you give it? Yes, if they emphasize they really want honesty. When was the last time you felt uninformed or out of the loop? Apparently some politician (I think) died recently and people practically rejoiced on Facebook. I knew zip about him. When in a car, where do you like to sit? Passenger seat/shotgun. Have you ever fought with a good friend over something completely stupid? Oh, absolutely. There have been plenty of RP-related arguments with multiple people... In the big picture, it's laughable to fight over a game, but when you're so invested in your own creations, in the moment, it can seem like a big issue. Those drama days are long behind me now. Would you ever visit a third-world country? I don't think so, no. It would shatter my heart, especially seeing children in poverty. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? No. You overhear two people gossiping about you; what do you do? Probably call over something like, "I'm not deaf, you know." I highly doubt I'd sit there with my mouth shut. Have you ever felt manipulated? Yes. If you were homeless, how would you cope? If I was truly, entirely homeless, quite honestly, I'm almost positive I'd kill myself. Have you ever done something just to fit in? Yeah. When was the last time you tried to impress someone, for whatever reason? I'm not sure, but I've certainly done it at one point or another. Do you think that the world could function in a state of anarchy? Definitely not. How well do you know your U.S. [or your country’s] history? I mean, I know the bare bones of it, but I'm far from well-versed in history. It was one of my weak subjects in school. Would you ever wish to move to another country? I'm not kidding when I say if it weren't for family, I would probably move to Canada. What is something that you do that others might consider “nerdy”? The way I write, particularly for academic purposes. I'm very descriptive and have an exceptionally large vocabulary. Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you? Not from me specifically, but our basketball hoop was stolen from my childhood home. I doubt it was very cheap. Do you understand/notice when someone’s using sarcasm? Usually, anyway. When was the last time you were fooled? HAHA there was this drama video suggested to me on YouTube that involved Mark in the title, and I was mega confused and inevitably clicked. Now it's basically a YouTube meme just how "perfect" Mark is, so there was no real drama; apparently some newer fans are just upset at him for playing the sequel to HuniePop, a very sexual puzzle/dating game that's honestly entertaining and can be really funny. Like... he's played the original and despite the discomfort of some scenes (which are censored, mind you), he still had fun, and it was a big hit on his channel. So him playing the sequel isn't surprising, but apparently some people got shit to say. What first Impression do you hope you make with other people? Something along the lines of "wow, she's very nice." Have you ever thought about how you make other people feel/think? Well of course. I think everyone should take time to consider this. What is your stance on getting revenge? A petty waste of time. Any wise/truthful/witty quotes that you live by? Ha, another Mark answer. He once gave the casual innuendo of, "Life's hard; shouldn't you be, too?" (this might have actually been in a HuniePop video!), but when you take the... uh... sexual theme out of it, it's a good way to look at life???? Have tough skin, unmoving willpower, y'know, that stuff. Who was the last person you sat beside at a restaurant? My sister Ashley. Spongebob or Patrick? Patrick is a whole-ass mood. Would you rather watch little kid’s cartoons, older kid’s cartoons, or adult cartoons? Hm. Probably little kid's, given my love for Pokemon. How about watching regular cartoons or anime? Anime. Who is the last person you spent money on? Myself. Do you own a copy of Roller Coaster Tycoon? No; I had SeaWold Tycoon instead. I loved that game. Do you have any birth marks in embarrassing places? No. Have you used Limewire before? Of course. Free music for the low price of a catastrophic virus. :^) When was the last time you required a band-aid? I think when I cut one of my toenails way too short. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them so, so very much. Not saying I'm gonna go scoop up the first copperhead I find herping or something, but I love and respect them so very much. They are such fascinating animals. If you believe in reincarnation, what animal would you want to become? I don't think I believe in reincarnation, but hypothetically, maybe a lioness. Who do you tell everything to? Pretty much whoever reads these surveys, haha. Did you have candles on your birthday cake? Not my most recent one. Exactly, how old are you? I just turned 25 years and one month old. Have you ever been bitten by anything? Besides bugs, I don't think so. I've had cats and dogs playfight with me, but none have ever seriously bitten me with actual effort. Do you wear hats? No. What was the last song you sang along to? "Lunchbox" by Marilyn Manson. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years time? I'd like to be, but idk if it's realistic.

[avoutput]

Gaps Between Worlds || Live, Love, Link

Nothing keeps a story going like a love interest. In almost every adventure story, at some point, the hero flirts with love, falls into it, is blinded by it, or is even betrayed by it. Love is the strongest emotional connection we share as humans, a double edged sword that can drive us, but also hinder us. Even when a story lacks a love interest, the listeners might begin to imagine one just to keep themselves interested. One adventure series has lacked cannon love for such a long time, it's hard to imagine how it’s been kept alive in our collective consciousness for as long as it has. The Legend of Zelda has jump-cut to Link saving Zelda so many times, but remains nebulous on what kind of relationship blossoms from their journey. As a longtime fan, I have been starving for more from the world of Hyrule, and I think fans across the world agree with me. The official Nintendo Hyrule Timeline wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for pressure from the fans. Before that release, it had been locked inside the mind of Miyamoto, creator of the series. But it didn’t really whet my appetite, because what I wanted is to know of Link and Zelda. Today, we are going to explore the facets of Link and Zelda’s many re-incarnated relationships, which could have turned into love, and where they must have gone after Gannon was sealed and their adventure came to an end.

Before we go any further, the usual caveats to my writing, just so you can get where my head is at. First, I am not going to be super concerned with minute details of the timeline in its purest sense. It has a tenuous linear connection from one game to the next, but it still can provide a little fun for us to speculate on. Second, I have completed every mainline adventure with two exceptions. I have made it to the end of Link’s Adventure and Twilight Princess, but I just never walked up those steps to beat Gannon. I can’t really put my finger on why, but usually I just lost interest by the time I made it to the end of the game. Everything else, including the GB, GBA, and DS releases, I have completed.

In the beginning, one of the most bizarre parts of the overall Zelda lore is how little we actually discuss Link’s obligation to do anything for Zelda. As the games mature, they motivate Link in more realistic ways, but I felt that they mostly lacked a real punch. Lets imagine you DID NOT read the manual for the NES titles, the original LoZ, it just starts by breaking the 4th wall. I always thought it was funny that it just drops you into the mountains with absolutely no direction, as if to say, “You bought the game, dummy, do something! Press a button… ooo… check out that cave!” However, what actually happens is Link saves Zelda’s handmaid, Impa, from an attack by some of Gannon’s henchmen. She then begs him to find the 8 fragments of the Triforce of Wisdom, which Zelda has hidden in 8 dungeons, and he just resolves to do it. In the next game though, she’s just struck with Sleepy Disney Princess disease. Classic. But have you ever noticed that true love’s kiss wasn’t an option here? That’s because Link is not her true love in this incarnation, so he has to kill the curse maker. LoZ and Link’s Adventure are directly related, so we know that in between the two games, they never became lovers. And I don’t know if you need any more proof about these games, but if you ever watched the 80’s Zelda cartoon… you’d know she’s better off.

Climbing up this timeline, we end up at the incredible Link To The Past, a story that’s titular description kind of defies its storyline unless you are really paying attention. Either way, the game has Link, a descendant of Hyrule Knights, being woken up by a psychic message from Zelda. As usual, Link has no real discernible parentage, but he does start off with an uncle. As I grew up, I often wondered if this was his real uncle or the Asian kind of uncle, just an older man with the same familial distance as an actual uncle, just not actually related. (It goes without saying that the west has this kind of uncle as well, but rarely does it rear its head as ubiquitously as in the east) Who knows what happened to his parents, the game never really goes into it. Either way, he runs into his possibly real uncle after following Zelda’s request, only, he is mortally wounded, and with his final breath, he begs Link to take up his blade and his responsibility. Again, he is motivated simply by some sense of obligation, but there is never a moment's glance of flirtation or love. By the end of the game, he revives his Uncle, the Priest, and the King, only to get on a boat and end up ship wrecked on Koholint island, where he dreams up a girl who is much more likely to become someone he could have a life with rather than Zelda.

Let’s take a quick moment to recognize Link has about 5 or 6 games that have nothing to do with his relationship to Zelda: Link’s Awakening, Oracle of Seasons/Ages, Majora’s Mask, and Minish Cap to name a few. In these games, it rarely meditates on his relationship to his previous adventure or the girl he left behind. Link is a very forward thinking… little boy? Adolescent? Teenager? It depends on the game. The more I think about this, maybe the more obvious it really is supposed to be. Zelda, Link, and Gannon are reborn into conflict over and over again. It’s possible that the stories that we play through are the only time they are born into a point of conflict. Basically, Link and Zelda might be born into a world without each other. Maybe the world only falls into chaos when all 3 of them are born. Maybe only when a certain amount of power accumulates on the dark side. The story just makes room for whatever it finds appropriate.

Climbing up the timeline, we get to the only game that implied young romance, Ocarina Of Time. Granted, it kind of dashes this with Majora’s Mask, but it's possible he could return to Hyrule for love. He is only 10. Still, in OoT, Link is the only character that keeps his memory of both the young timeline and the teen timeline. When you think about it, Link is pretty mature for a 10 year old, but waking up in the body of a 17 year old would throw you a bit. People in the future might have found him odd… if they weren’t scattered to the winds and mostly worried about famine, death, and Gannon. In both his young and teen timeline, the Zora princess is very interested in him, and yet, the game still ends with a longing look between Zelda and Link, Link remembering everything, Zelda new to the whole thing. Now, I am willing to admit that as a kid, I probably misread this as a longing look, as an adult, it's really just the culmination of Link’s struggle to finally right all the wrongs, but I was a young shipper, and I wanted everyone to fall in love. (You are reading the thoughts of a boy who was super upset that Ash wasn’t awakened by a kiss from Misty (or Pikachu), and instead the tears of all the Pokemon. I almost walked out of the theater. I was a fresh-faced 13.) Given everything we know about both games, and that we know the timeline splits here, it would stand to reason that since in either case, triumphant or not, Link doesn’t end up making baby Link and Linkles with Zelda. In the Triumphant Timeline Child Era, none of the games end with Link in love, including Twilight Princess. In the Adult Era, the Wind Waker series of games always finds Link closely aligned with Zelda, but the whole cell-shaded, PG universe basically ensures that all the people of Hyrule are grown out of the ground, like palm trees on the beach. In the end, Link always makes for the nearest boat or horse and follows the sun, trying to escape the PTSD that haunts him.

Finally, at the very beginning of the timeline is the largely maligned Skyward Sword. As of this writing, SS is the supposed beginning to the entire legend. It is also one of the few games where there does seem to be an infatuation between Zelda and Link. Throughout the game, they share what looks to be a mild flirtation. When I thought about this budding romance, I began to think it only appears that way because of some cultural filters. First, Nintendo likes to make games for kids, so they aim to get an E rating by the ESRB. So if we ratchet that up to M, the standard for modern day games if you want people to take them seriously, we can adjust the love meter on scale with E = Sesame Street and M = Breaking Bad. They might as well be engaging in some hard sexting, maybe a couple of low-cut Link bathroom mirror selfies. Don’t worry, he has his famous hat over the goods. Why do you think its shaped like that? Secondly, mild flirting in Japan is the equivalent of hardcore furry S&M in America. In actuality, what you are really seeing is the courtship of Link in a Wolf costume and Zelda dressed as a Fire Keese batting eyes at each other. Truly, in this world, Link and Zelda are destined for each other. They are the only freaks in the sky! With this assumption, I can conclude that the legend only continues because once, at the very beginning of their timeline, the Triforce of Courage and Wisdom banged it out. This could mean there is a whole series of games we have never played where the timeline is split at the top. One in which they have children and one where they don’t. Personally, I look forward to their kids journey in The Legend of Steve, the new holder of the Triforce of Wisdom. Let a girl save the boy for once!

There is always hope for our legendary heroes. You may not want them to be joined in glorious, child-making coitus, but I always have. I have always found it odd that it doesn’t end like most JRPG’s with a very obvious death of the “mains” so that love can’t blossom, or with a lavish royal wedding. The worst part is that often, Link has many love interests, but none of them are Zelda. There is some hope for them in the new Breath of the Wild timeline, which is supposedly the furthest in the future of the “official” timeline, so much so that there is no connective tissue left, so it might as well be a “new beginning”. I would actually hate for them to finally, really, fall in love in the BotW universe, mostly because it's my least favorite Zelda game of all time, squeaking past Skyward Sword and Wind Waker.  All 3 of which I dislike for a combination of gameplay-style and story, though honestly, the best part of BotW is the story. It's just a game I never want to play again. Rambling aside, I look forward to the fate of love between Zelda and Link in their next chapter. Maybe we’ll finally play as their love child some day. 

[nolongerapileofashprobably]

Whenever my sister plays BoTW, she utterly confounds me.

She never did the Memory Quest. She never got to know the Champion’s or Zelda. After she played it the first time through, she thought Zelda was still DEAD.

And I... just don’t understand that.

How can someone not want to watch the memories? Especially in BoTW where the majority of the story takes place in THE PAST.

How can someone not watch that first memory, with Zelda doing a ceremony for Link with so much annoyance in her voice? Or how the Champion’s all saw this contempt, the only one understanding it being Urbosa.

But it leaves the player with so many questions. Why does Zelda dislike Link so much? They’ve just recently been bound together in their fate. What could have happened for her to be so cold? Why does Revali feel the same way? Why does Urbosa see right through Zelda?

And the second memory, as the pair makes their way to Goron City. The distance, the pure annoyance and distain in Zelda’s speech. The two are far from friends. More like forced acquaintances. You can smell the trope at this point. But, it has yet to really get you. They have no bond yet. It isn’t deep enough.

The third, oh this one is a doozy. First, Zelda explaining something very vital to the game. Then, Link riding up which means Zelda literally escaped from the castle and fled to this shrine so far away. Why? There’s a shine right outside Hyrule Castle. One inside as well. Why would she want to be away from the castle? And away from Link’s protection? And Zelda freaks out. She establishes their relationship as everything but a relationship. They have had to form a reluctant bond with each other to fulfill this prophecy. Link is intent on keeping up his role. Zelda is refusing to cooperate with him. It builds angst. It gives Zelda some background, as we learn her contempt is not only at Link, but also at her father.

The fourth one. The one that literally changes everything. It’s one that sets up the rest of their relationship. It mirrors their fate. Zelda is being CHASED so there’s the action appeal. And then Link, the ever loyal knight, manages to step in last second and save the Princess. Cue the slow music and Zelda’s stare that shows emotions from disbelief to adoration. It’s a mix of everything but it gives them a turning point. How can someone not want to see if they use it to move forward or use it to again block their development as Princess and her knight?

The fifth bad boy. Oh man. The sudden shift is BLANTANTLY OBVIOUS. Zelda is seen actually interacting with Link, scolding him for being reckless, and assessing his wounds. She’s begun to care about Link. Not caring about how his role hinders hers in some way. No, instead caring about Link and his own safety. She shares her concerns, letting us see a little more of Zelda. She is quite aware of the threat and can sense the omens that keep popping up. She’s set herself to stopping him. And she used plural terms. She’s accepted Link. The distance between them has lessened greatly. How am I not supposed to go hungrily searching for the next location to see them interact with each other?

Boy does the sixth bring some smiles. This entire memory establishes Link and Zelda as friends. They’ve become much closer, now just hanging outside the castle in a field. Zelda should probably be training. Instead, she establishes the importance of the Silent Princess. The symbolism is huge. It also gives us an insight on how close they actually are. I don’t know about anyone else, but I would have to be pretty comfortable with someone to try and force feed them a frog. How were my shipper senses not suppose to kick in and go into hyperdrive?

The seventh one is another one of my favorites. It gives a domestic vibe as the pair are forced to delay their travel to wait the rain out. Zelda is sitting down, just watching Link and the nature around her, rambling about her thoughts. Link is training, not unaware of her stare, but comfortable enough to not be hindered by it. Zelda reveals a piece of herself by relating it to the limited knowledge she has of Link. We see some true development and get to really see Zelda as who she is. The princess with a bad temper is really just a girl forced into a destiny that she can’t seem to fulfill and this cannot he truly dedicated it as her interests lie elsewhere. Character development? Checkkkkk

This one. This eighth memory that really clues in two things for the player. Zelda and her father have a very strained relationship due to the responsibilities that weight down both their shoulders. The way the scene is set up allows the player to see that Link is the reason she gathers the courage to stand up for herself. Ultimately she concedes, taking in the failure she must be in her fathers eyes. And, Link’s presence is only explained by the simple fact that he was there for Zelda. Not as her knight, though that has become a natural state for him, but as her friend. He is there to keep her company as she researches and to listen to her thoughts. They have gone from unwilling companions to wanting to be near each other even if there is no need for it. Am I suppose to stop now?

The ninth scene. Oh this one really tugs at my heart. We see the true frustration and toll Zelda has been enduring. Though it doesn’t justify it, this scene really makes the player understand her cold attitude towards Link in the beginning. But this scene gives us so much more about them. Though subtle, Link obviously reacts to Zelda’s pleas and later her cries. He turns his head, more interested in hearing her words, than watch the Spring for any enemies. And then, he turns around as she blames herself for something being wrong with her. This just gives us a glimpse into Link’s own feelings and that he won’t stand for anyone doubting Zelda, even if it is herself. He’s no longer just her knight, but someone who cares deeply about her and can’t stand when anyone degraded her. How was I not suppose to notice that?

Tenth scene and they’re riding almost side by side. They have come so far from the distance in the second memory. This memory confirms Link can speak, but it also confirms that he’s a softie when it comes to horses. PLUS this memory gives us Zelda’s little speech about her last Hope on Mt. Lanayru. Zelda has reached her end point and tomorrow Link will be the only one truly supporting her as he makes his way with her to the Spring.

Ooohhhhh and this one. The one where the entire threat of Ganon arrives in the eleventh scene. Zelda and Link walk back, everything clear on their faces. Link, is utterly focused on Zelda. He knows her personal disappointment in herself and how she’s surely beating her self up mentally at that moment. No one else there really matters. Just Zelda. Even when Mipha is talking, giving advice, Link’s gaze never wanders from Zelda. Then, Ganon appears. Link doesn’t let Zelda even STUMBLE because his hands are already there supporting her. She is his entire focus and this memory really highlights his shift from just a knight, to someone who cares so deeply about someone who is experiencing so much pain. This memory gives us another look at the Champion’s too.

And this last one. The twelfth memory. This entire memory sealed the deal when it came down to these two. Running away together from death machines? Check. One slipping and falling and the other having to stop and go back? Check. The one having a breakdown. Check. The other comforting them. Check. Zelda breaking down, Link letting her get it all out... It truly shows the depth of their relationship. It has surpassed being mere friends at this point. Zelda is completely distraught. Link is endangering them both by sheathing his sword. But he needs to let Zelda her her feelings out. He needs to be there for her. So he fails his duty and comforts her. Even he is surprised as she embraces him, but it quickly settles into one of compassion and endearment. They’ve truly accepted the other. They are not the princess who holds the power to seal Ganon or the knight who wields the sword that seals the darkness. They are Link and Zelda. After than emotional toll? How can I NOT go get the last one.

And this one..The thirteenth memory. Boy is this one’s heart wrenching. Link is gravely injured, Zelda begging him to run. But Link doesn’t because it is his duty and he would never leave Zelda is there was danger around. Not a chance. And she unlocks her power, as she is forced to protect the one she loves, the one who understands her in a way no one else can. The boy who showed her more to life than Sheikah Tech and sealing powers. And Link, he’s completely aware that he’s going to die. He’s even giving her a “we both know that’s not true” when Zelda swears that he’ll be fine. And he isn’t. It’s heartbreaking, watching her spb over the boy who made her feel more than the princess everyone looks at her to be. A soft lullaby, casually breaking my heart in the background. Then, the moment where it all goes down. Zelda can save Link. Her fingers curl against his chest as she realizes he can still be saved. She can’t cry. She has to be determined. And she is.

How was I not supposed to fall into this story head first? Not fall in love with Link and Zelda’s relationship. The entire plot and trope it follows. It’s angsty, it’s soft, and it is HEARTBREAKING.

How wasn’t I suppose to fall into an obsession and write posts like this at 2 in the morning when I should be sleeping?

[shadowofadalekmightdeactivate]

Sanders Sides Ghostbusters AU

Why? Why not. I should be writing a 1,500 word short story right now but fuCK IT (A side note: unless stated otherwise, everyone is gay. This is obvious why am I even saying this)

Peter Venkman: Roman - The fuck is a gender, he loves everybody. If they have a pretty face he’s game - This has gotten him into trouble time and time again and made him bounce around from job to job until he FINALLY settled down to be a scientist, and even THAT didn’t last more than 2 years - ADHD riddled fucker - Still as snarky as ever but also still dramatic - First time getting slimed? Almost had a meltdown. HE WAS HAVING A BAD ENOUGH DAY ALREADY DAMMIT - That lasted 2.5 seconds until Patton (Ray) said he thought it was cool - Starved for attention but snarks at everyone regardless - Acts like a Prinxiety fusion at times (”love me but fuck off“ is the mentality that comes to mind)

Egon Spengler: Logan - Picture a Logince fusion that’s mostly controlled/led by Logan - The science behind ghosts has been his hyperfixation for y e a r s - He’s also been wanting to be a scientist for years so being a Ghostbuster is like a dream job to him - Used to be an English college professor until Patton roped him into hunting a ghost with him. He’s still not sure how he even met him (though it’s not impossible that Patton just walked up to him and said “Hi I’m Patton do you want to hunt a ghost with me?”) - “Might have Autism. Might not have a soul. We aren’t sure yet“ -quote from Roman - The brains behind the whole thing. He made the siren, the alarm, the proton packs, everything - Remy (Janine) has feelings for him and he Does Not Appreciate It - Did indeed try to drill a hole in his skull. He wanted to make essentially an early version of Bluetooth. Got as far as putting the drill to his head and finding out the thing’s battery had died. Roman was not amused when he asked him for more - This is going to just turn into Egon headcanons if I don’t stop

Ray Stanz: Patton - Has Autism, is lOUD AS FUCK - Has been kicked out of several libraries for this - Eye contact is a no-no. He won’t freak but he will get very nervous - He introduced Logan to Roman, was dismayed when they didn’t get along at first - Basically a little kid with a laser-shooting gun - Main cause of most of the damage at ghost busts - Roman looks up to him a LOT, even though he’s older (but he’d never say that out loud) - Is allergic to everything with fur - Feels pretty bad whenever they have to bust a ghost with a tragic past - Had been begging Logan to let them have some kind of mascot. Logan finally relented and built a kind of cage in the front office for Slimer - (Remy doesn’t appreciate having that thing watching him every day with it’s beady little eyes) - Loves getting covered with whatever crap ghosts may spew at them-slim, ectoplasm, anything. It doesn’t feel sticky to him, more soft like water-hence why he thought it was “so cool” when Roman got slimed. Besides the physical contact thing - Fiercely protective of Virgil (Winston). Heaven help whatever soul that’s dumb enough to taunt that man in his presence because Patton will grab them-with his hands or his proton gun’s stream-and throw them against the most solid thing he can aim for (which has included teammates. Logan was not impressed)

Winston Zeddemore: Virgil - Wanted to be a necromancer when he was a kid, now just wants a job - Trigger-happy when nervous/frightened, causes the second-most amount of damage during busts - Stupidly tried hiding his anxiety from the others at first, writing off any moments of panic as “just paranoia”, “just got startled”, etc. It takes a particularly nasty ghost putting him out of commission via panic attack that he finally opens up to them - Initially wrote off his anxiety out of worry they’d either A. not hire him/fire him or B. treat him like he was made of glass. B almost happened until Logan took his side when Patton was barring him from coming on a bust - Patton and Logan argued viciously over who was in charge of teaching him how to work the proton packs and guns. Virgil was confused as to why they both can’t do it until Roman told him they’re pretty much arguing over who adopts him - (Patton won that battle on the grounds that Logan gets to teach their next employee. Sadly for Logan no one else has taken up the job) - He fucking HATES getting covered in ghost gunk - Some captured ghosts have learned to fear him, he’s pretty scary when he learns their patterns - (I was going to make him a ghost that gets attached to Patton, but...Nah. Four Sides, four Ghostbusters)

Janine Melnitz: Remy - Only took the job because of Logan, likes to call him “Resident Eye Candy” - Logan can not stand him. At all. Remy’s really up front with how he feels about Logan and he finds it over-bearing - He’d wear a skirt if the boys don’t stop him. Hell he’d wear a crop top if they don’t stop him. (They always do. Buggar.) - If he doesn’t have a coffee at any time in the morning he’s a real bastard to whoever gets within 2 feet of him - Roman thinks this is hilarious and will sometimes withhold his coffee order to hear him cuss out people on the phone. He finds it less hilarious when someone tries to sue them for verbal abuse - Patton thought he was blind at first because he always wears sunglasses (��LOGAN WE CAN’T HIRE A BLIND MAN TO TAKE CALLS”)

Dana Barett: Deceit - Trans ftm - “Deceit” is more of a nickname for him, but he’s so used to it that he’s considering making it his legal name - Told off Logan when they first met because he misgendered him four times (the first time was an accident, the second time was a slip up, the last two started seeming intentional) - Legal name is still Dana, he hasn’t have the money or the time to change it yet-which is infuriating - Has heterochromia (left eye brown, right eye green) and vitiligo - Roman thinks he’s drop dead beautiful, Deceit thinks he’s just annoying. Despite this he happily goes on a few flings with him and enjoys the pampering - They don’t officially “get together”, but Roman stops skipping work to take “clients” out on dates, so the other ‘busters are happy - Roman absolutely will tell anyone who listens to him long enough how gorgeous Dee is. Virgil has told Dee about this. Snake man is equal parts flattered and frustrated - Speaking of snakes, he gets two after the Gozer incident: Zuul (female Ball Python) and Vinz (male Corn Snake) - Why he named them after demon dogs is beyond him but he couldn’t think of better names for them

Louis Tully: Remus - Take everything you remember about Louis and throw it out the window. Now go out that window, pick up the remains and stich them back together into a vaguely Louis-like character with bits of rat and garbage left in. That’s Remus. Still awkward beyond help, still a well-meaning hopelessly-in-love fool, but an absolute chaotic MESS that can’t hold down a job for longer than a month - Roman wants to disown him so very badly but there’s no relative left alive that wants to go near that man with a ten-foot pole and SOMEONE has to take care of him - Deceit thinks he’s charming, if a bit...Weird. - Like Deceit, Remus gets two pets after the Gozer incident: Zelda (female Fancy Rat, name is a play on Zuul) and Vince (male Pitbull Terrier, name is a play on Vinz) - He wanted two Pitbulls at first but then saw Zelda in an ad and suddenly decided he HAD to have a rat - The kind of guy that’s a horrible person but really damn good at his job so his co-workers have to put up with him (until the boss fires him for doing something insane like hanging out a window to freak out the people on the streets below) - He actually did the above incident. Twice. He was fired quickly and all window-washing companies were warned about him - Virgil met him a total of one time and said he wanted whatever Remus was high on - Remus, surprisingly, never takes drugs. He finds them icky-not the GOOD icky, like blood and mucus and all that fun stuff. The BAD icky, like forced mood-changes and forgotten events - You can bet your ass he sleeps around like nobody’s business - (I was going to make him Walter Peck but figured it’d be funnier if he was Louis. Be glad he made it in at all)

[leoxrobertson]

Opportunity for Writers!...?

My good Goodreads friend Arthur Graham asked me the following:

“Any good throwaway ideas for a book, like something you definitely won't be writing yourself? Also, can you write it for me?”

This is how I responded:

As usual, I started off trying to out-wit your response (“So essentially you want another book written that no one asked for/ will read?” was the best I came up with) but ended up settling on making a sobering point instead!

I’ll blog-post this also to maximise readership because as far as my experience goes, this is what I advise:

Any writer reading this should go sit down and write me a story called “The Acorn.” It’s as good a stimulus as any other. Calling it “The Acorn”, by the way, is non-negotiable. I’m a writer. I have convictions.

Writers have one week to do it. If the week passes and the story’s not done, bye bye. Oh, your kid, your dog, the connection wasn’t good, the idea didn’t come—do I give a shit? Bouncers outside Glasgow nightclubs told me the following when they spotted that I was clearly too drunk to let inside: “Try somewhere else.” (I say this to the writers, and it has the same implication: it won’t work here or elsewhere.)

If they write the story, they should then not just send me that story and think I should be thankful to have used any of their time at all, start blogging about it, ask me and others to like rate comment subscribe, no: that seems professional, but it isn’t.

They should wait a week, take another look at the story, see that it probably sucks, edit it if it’s salvageable OR write me a second story titled “The Acorn.” They should keep writing stories titled “The Acorn” until they have written the best thing they’ve ever written in their entire lives, just because some guy on the internet told them to!

Welcome to the creative process. Isn’t this how themed anthologies are formed? Isn’t writing more about grit, persistence, work, perspiration, than it is inspiration? Yes. Does a writer need to be an insufferable ponce in order to get a few words on the page? Talking about what she does, why she does it, what type of fucking pencil she uses, the difference she’s making? Absolutely not. Just get it done. Feed the muse anything and sit patiently awaiting what she gifts you (this is not poncery because it’s how the process actually works.)

Once you’ve spent a good deal of time discovering these stories inside you/ in the ether, about acorns, you realise, wow, so I could sit down any day and discover a story about anything?! Now you understand the importance of writing everyday. Now you’re hooked. Now you must. Now you are a writer. Because anyone can write a million-word novel without any restrictions on time or quality. Anyone can write A story titled “The Acorn” (I was going to say “a story about an acorn”, but it doesn’t have to be), but few have the tenacity to write five, ten, fifty, and pick the best. There’s no guarantee, even, that after fifty, any of them are good. (Unlikely, but possible.) Writers acknowledge this uncertainty, and write in spite of it. No one is asking us to do this, so we must impose the constraints on ourselves and take them seriously. Good writing loves constraints.

Okay so from here on out I start making up statistics to make my point. The statistics might even contradict each other, but this is a work of fiction: the point is the point.

For this anthology to exist, out of 10000000000 writers on this site, I’d need about 1000 to read this. That already disqualifies the project, but let’s assume they do.

Out of 1M words that get written for this project, we end up with 50k worth reading. This sounds wasteful, but it makes sense: we don’t know who’s writing what or why. 50k is miraculous. This is how we get it.

500 like this answer/post. 100 send me something. Pretty much all of them think I’m joking about them having to write even more than one story. I accept this not only because I have to, but because developing the abilities of writers as a result of this project is just a nice effect it could possibly have, but it’s not the goal. It’s a numbers game. I reckon 10/100 stories are good: I either get these from ten authors who’ve written ten stories or from a hundred authors who wrote just one each. What do I care? Despite how much writers complain about rejection, they do the bulk of the work themselves.

Of 100 authors, 50 send me something great. 10 send me something transcendent.

I encourage the 50 who were shortlisted. I’m sure I would love to sit and provide them detailed edits, find gentle, personalised ways to tell them to keep going, but who has the time? I’ll send them what I come up with. I don’t have to.

70 of the ones who didn’t get accepted send me bitter, angry retorts. But I’m a writer: it’ll take more than that to sully the experience. I can’t let it have me sitting around writing stories about narcissistic idiots just because they’re the majority. (Anymore!) Characters should be original, special, interesting. I’ll give these people no further attention. They don’t deserve it.

3 of the ones who didn’t get in thank me for my time and say they’ll read and promote what we end up making. I encouraged 50 in the hopes of catching these 3 writers in my encouragement net. These are writers who were almost there and will make it next time. Or the time after. Or the time after that. Or the time after that. Providing the next rounds of rejections don’t break them. They might.

I send edits to the remaining 10. If these anthologies take off, I’ll have the right to be a bit more strict about what I accept, and won’t accept anything that even needs editing. A few fight me on the edits. Sometimes that’s what writers do, sometimes it isn’t. We must have convictions without being dickheads.

I make us a book. We get disheartened because it takes six months longer than we expected, but it gets done eventually. Writers are patient.

Of the 10 who sent stories, 7 get as far as telling their friends and family, though I begged all of them to do it. Why am I the one doing the begging? This is as much their opportunity as it is mine. Whatever: I accept it. Someone has to do it. At least if it’s me, I know it’ll get done.

The 3 others, despite me having informed them of the competition they eliminated, are too shy, don’t want to bother anyone—and they won’t. 5 of them thank me for my hard work. 4 get actively involved in marketing.

Would I have a story in this book? Interesting question. If I decided “yes”, I would write and write until I had a story whose quality I felt was undeniable and then send it to those other writers to see if they agreed. I think the point is, if I decided “yes”, I would do anything to make it happen; if I decided “no”, I would do something else.

3 of us go on a tour. We are The Acorn. Who’s to say this doesn’t turn out to create a wonderful book anyway? Still doesn’t mean it will sell, necessarily. We just have to decide whether or not that was really the goal. If it doesn’t sell. It might! You might say that’s what makes it exciting. I say, you might as well see it that way, because either way, that’s how it is. A writer would choose to see it as exciting, just as a committed partner might choose to stay with their loved one, year after year, after the initial spark of ignition has faded and now she must decide, year after year, if it’s worth continuing to stoke the engine. Half of all marriages fail? I would’ve thought 90%. But that’s no slight on marriage. If anything it’s a testament to the robustness of marriage, because whether or not you’re intelligent, you can make it work—sometimes.

If we get frustrated, we just need to remember our pretty cool origin story. G asked R for a writing idea. What they did next will shock you.

Assuming 1000 people who are prone to calling themselves writers read this:

You think I’m not serious? PM me for an email address to which you will send your acorn stories. This single step of active participation has eliminated 90% of the writers. (Writers aren’t lazy, don’t make excuses, but most of the ones who call themselves “writers” do, are.) Those of you who get in touch, you have one year’s worth of weeks to write a great acorn story.

You won’t. You might not participate because you don’t know who I am: fair enough. You might succeed elsewhere, but if you haven’t participated because all of this sounds like too much hard work, I doubt it. If you are inclined to retorting bitterly and angrily to rejection—either through an email you actually send to an editor, or one you just write in your head—it’s either out of confusion, because you don’t know about the above process (if so, I hope this helped—keep at it, mate! Be one of the 3 this encouragement reaches!); or you do know about it, and you know you’re the one holding yourself back. I thought you were passionate about this. So did you.

Don’t get in touch just to tell me this was useful. That’s why I wrote it. Go write something else. In so doing, help me to survive with very little indication that I’m making a difference, let alone a positive one. Writers need this training. Also, I stopped caring what people thought about me long ago. I think that’s dangerous and exciting. Stating it outright might make me sound unlikeable. It might qualify as “telling.” But you’re a writer in my flock: we respect one another. You assume I was aware of these writing principles a priori and decided to go against them; you realise it would be inappropriate to point them out.

I’m away to write something else. Excuse me. After that, I’m gonna play Zelda: Breath of the Wild, until my eyeballs melt, as is my wont, after the work is done.

[ghozt1ng-blog]

Chapter Ten - Dark Portals

Brandon was a potato acrobat. Whoever was controlling him this time had him expertly dodging, leaping, and sprinting all over the place. He now had the orc’s giant ax in his small arms and was crushing foes left and right with it, and he was complaining the entire time.

“My body is my own! It’s not to be used as a play thing!”

Naomi really didn’t pay him any more heed. The dead had dropped to her amazements another bomb. She took it and laid in wait for the stone statues to come for her. When the first Anubis statue approached, she threw the bomb just right as his left leg, blowing it away , and causing him to fall into the other stone monster. They both crumbled and dropped a ton of loot. With the orc’s bag, she could now miraculously hold a lot more items. She loaded up on gems, magical items, and some extra daggers. Sadly, she had used up her only bomb. Thankfully, she had found an invigorating potion, and she was back to full energy.

The real problem was now figuring out how to get out of this game. A storm was was forming over Hyrule Castle, and the normally smoky and fiery air was being sucked up into a monstrous funnel cloud.

“Brandon, we either need to get away from here, or brave the palace,” Naomi shouted to him. She doubted it would do much, since he was being controlled, but she could only hope. She could hope that he might die in the game. Then it wouldn’t be her fault right?

To the west, the Tabantha Frontier erupted in stone and darkness. Some of the blackness dropped like goo near them, and people of the Twilight Realm formed from the dark substance.

Oh crap, what is going on now!?

“I think I have to go to the castle,” Nate said. “The girl just suggested it in the text.”

“Sweet stuff,” Vince replied. “And now that you have some materials around you, maybe there is something good for Brandon to use.”

“Hold on a sec.” Nate brought up the menu option and then started exploring. “Hold the proverbial phone! There’s a multiplayer option!”

“No way! Would I get Loink then?”

“Who knows,” Nate shrugged. “We gotta check this out!”

“Multiplayer Breath of the Wild with super hacks!? who wouldn’t play this,” Vince gushed.

Nate kept the game paused, which kept Naomi, Brandon, and all the enemies frozen in place. Vince started looking around for extra controllers.

“Why didn’t I think of that,” Kyle said, smacking his face. “I could have paused the previous game and we might have found a way to get them out.”

“I didn’t think this game would let you do that,” Tiffany said.

“There must be a way setting this up like Smash,” Vince muttered.

“I don’t think it would have worked that easily,” Agent Miles said, trying to sooth Kyle. “I think this indeed game that requires that they play through it to get out.”

“Oh man! I think that this game had brought back Twilight Princess! Dude! Dude! The ships might just sail here,” Nate squealed with delight.

Vince soon got a new pair of controllers running, and the screen split.

“Well, that kinda detracts from the beauty of the game,” Nate admitted.

“But still, this has gotta be the coolest thing ever! We’re going to dominate now,” Vince cheered. He looked at the menu for Naomi and then said, “Woah there! Check this out! I got the girl, and she a sword called Excalibur, and it can be enhanced. Just gotta use some of these items…”

“Dude, that is legit! You gotta kill some stuff and see how it does,” Nate said excitedly.

“And the flavor text says that this sword cannot be broken. So cool!”

And with that, the two boys got to work.

Naomi felt like life had suddenly paused, but she couldn’t explain why. Suddenly, Excalibur burst into radiant light and she started being controlled! She had to agree with Brandon that it wasn’t fun having someone else determine her actions, but she made certain not to complain like him. She was directed towards a group of Blue Lizalfos charging them. The Twili huddled together and begged for protection. Naomi cleaved her way through the lizards like a hot knife through butter. They exploded on contact with Excalibur.

“Alright! Now this is the kind of sword I wanted,” she exclaimed happily.

There was a clunking sound, and a sentinel came lopping into view. Before she knew it, Naomi was racing towards it with Brandon flanking her. He now had a cool halberd instead of the ax. He looked ready to cry, the goober. The sentinel locked in on them, but Naomi deflected the laser blast with her sword. Its light then started winking out. Whatever boost it had gotten, was probably wearing off after that attack.

She jumped and and swung Excalibur through the leg of the sentinel, slicing it clean off. The machine toppled and Brandon thrust his halberd into its eye. The health bar over the machine already showed that they had done significant damage to it. Her limbs being moved by somebody else, Naomi hacked away at the sentinel, even after Excalibur’s boost ended. The machine soon rumbled and blew up in a cloud of smoke and rubble. She and Brandon were then directed to pick up the dropped items.

Naomi looked up at the gathering storm and saw a massive dragon descending from it. It did not look like any dragon she had seen in a Zelda game. It was gray with red armor all over its body and two axes in its claws. Bright blue eyes gleamed from under its helm and it started bombarding the land with fire bombs.

I really don’t want to fight that thing, Naomi thought.

She was then whisked off in the direction of the castle.

“This is going to be a crazy boss fight when we get there,” Nate said.

“But are we ready?”

“We need to see what we are up against and get some resources. Vince, quickly see if you recognize that dragon, or if the internet does,” Nate instructed to his friend.

“Hold it,” Trick screeched, sliding into the room. “I know how to get them out of there! Look, we need to find this portal!”

He shoved the paper from the mailbox into Kyle’s hands, but Kyle directed him to the college students playing on the Switch. “They are in control of Naomi and Brandon right now.”

Trick didn’t bother wasting time asking who they were or where they came from. “Look, in order to win, we need to get Brandon and Naomi to this portal. It says that it is revealed when the Twilight Realm is revealed.”

“Hold on, let me compare maps,” Vince quickly said.

Nate paused the game again to give his friend time. They soon put their heads together to look at the different maps and talked about where the Twilight Realm should be in relation to the new game.

“The Tabantha Frontier makes the most sense,” Nate finally said. The maps say it is so, and that is where we saw the Twili fall from, I think. We need to go there.”

“Better than fighting that boss dragon now,” Vince agreed.

For the next hour, Trick, the agents, and the Jackson family watched and cheered with anxiety as the two strange savior led their loved ones through the bizarre alteration of the game. They led a crowd of Twili and confused citizens through a sea of enemies and towards the fuming wastes to the west.

Naomi had no clue where they were going, but she was certain now that they would make it. Whoever was playing was really good, and was guiding them along well. They had been fighting their way to the dark western horizon. The dragon had pelted them with fire and the storm was growing stronger, but thankfully the further they got from the castle, the storm lessened and the dragon stopped attacking.

During their flight, Naomi noticed that her stamina bar acted more like it should in the game, and she grew weaker less quickly. The same held true even for Brandon. She figured it was a positive side effect of the game now being played, rather than survived by them. The players also regularly boosted and healed her and the potato kid.

As they crested a broken mountain, she saw a land riddled with portals before her. They were all made of either stone arches, or giant behemoths of metal and machinery. She couldn’t fathom why she was brought here, unless….

They must have found a way home!

She shed a small tear at the thought of finally getting free! She and Brandon were led to explore the many portals. She saw curious writing on them, but couldn’t decipher it. Abruptly, she and Brandon were thrown through one portal. Everything started spinning, and she felt sick to her stomach. Then it all slowed, and she was alone in a void.

Feeling lost and abandoned, Naomi looked around. She saw not too far off two figures, talking together. One was clearly Midna, restored to her full glory, and the other was the Tscheapwhetzar! And she could hear them talking.

“I can assure you that you will see Link again, and when you do, you will finally have the chance you never thought you would,” the cloaked and hooded man said in a low voice.

“And if I do,” Midna said slowly, almost anxiously.

“You will be able to do whatever you want, but I will ask the Twili and the people of Hyrule to serve me in the coming war when I have their need,” the Tscheapwhetzar answered. “It is the Contract: your freedom, a chance to be with him again, in exchange for your friendship.”

Midna considered and then asked, “How will this disrupt our worlds? The timelines? You being here, my actions… They could have devastating effects.”

“I will ensure that there are no negative repercussions on your side,” the man assured her. “I stand between your decision and the judgement of the Guardians and all other powers. Seal this Contract, and I will never forsake you. I remember my friends and will always be there for them.”

The way he said that, with so much emotion and force being choked back, even Naomi felt like she could trust the Tscheapwhetzar. But she still wanted to warn Midna. There was something off about this, but as she tried to call out, she found she couldn’t.

“Then you will have my friendship,” Midna declared.

“Excellent,” the Tscheapwhetzar said in a soft hiss like a snake.

He handed the princess a shard of a black mirror, wreathed in red lightning...

Naomi was then pulled forcibly back to Earth and landed with a thud on the Jackson’s living room floor. The next thing she saw was Trick coming to her and helping her up. She was finally back! She took Trick’s face in her hands, and then headbutted him.