#begging people to listen to the song in the link. please. i need someone else to understand

[hermanubis]

Blood & Stars / Tears & Time

[bi-bats]

asksender reporting for duty! 🫡

for the latest fic ask set: 5, 7, 8, and 15 please!!!

(also, please please take all the rest time you want/need!!! you gave us a Feast, now it is time for rest and recuperation 💕💕💕)

OKAY I'M FEELING LIKE ANSWERING SOME ASKS SO HERE WE GO I'M STARTING WITH THIS ONE FROM AN OLDER GAME BECAUSE IT'S BEEN HERE IN MY ASK BOX FOR LIKE 3 WEEKS

(i heard you say I can take as long as I need in one of your more recent ones, I just didn't internalize it which isn't your fault 💚)

technically the latest fic I had posted when I reblogged this was Scars and Stitches BUT right before that I posted What Are You Waiting For? which is FAR more interesting to me SO I'm answering for that one because rules are fake and I feel like it.

5. How do you decide how long your fics/chapters will be? Do you have a word count goal?

Ha. Ha! I don't decide anything. Do you all think I'm out here deciding that my next update for Know Yourself should be 18k words?? Of course not.

Here's how it goes: I tell any given chapter what I think should happen. The chapter says "hmmmm, maybe. We'll see." Then I beg the chapter to please please please please please not be over 10k words. It gives me a smile like it thinks I'm adorable for even asking when we both damn well know that the chapter will do whatever it wants, and what I want has nothing to do with it. And then either the chapter takes mercy on me (like it did in this fic) or it Does Not (like it is doing in Know Yourself).

7. What part of this fic/chapter was the most fun to write? 

Honestly, the whole first chapter. There's just something about the way it flows that I feel so good about 💚

8. Which line/paragraph are you most proud of? Why are you proud of this? 

But the strangest thing is how everyone believes Jason anyways. Just like that.  Then again, Dick is backing him up, so of course they believe him. Everyone believes Goldie, all of the time. He just flashes that gorgeous smile like a fucking master key, and Jason’s always been a tiny bit jealous that everyone else turned out so goddamn endearing.  Not that being intimidating doesn’t have its uses, but sometimes he can’t ignore how much easier certain things would be if his edges were just a little less sharp.

This whole section. I think it's just that this is one of those thoughts that Jason keeps to himself, even though he thinks it fairly often. It captures a part of Jason I rarely see represented, which is how he came back different and he feels different from the rest of the bats in a lot of ways that strain his relationship with them. (Also, I feel like this reads in his voice really well which is something I sometimes have a hard time feeling like I nailed.

15. What is one question you wish someone would ask you about this work? Ask it and answer it.

There is ALWAYS a question I want to be asked about fics, and it is what songs inspired them! I listen to so much music (Spotify wrapped outed me last year at 84k minutes of listening lmaoo) and I used to write to music a lot but I've been finding it distracting lately.

I still plot to music though, and each of my fics have playlists! I'm gonna link the spotify playlist for this fic here! Top recs from this playlist are:

Lately I haven't Been Sleeping

Hyacinthus

J's Lullaby

-

Thank you for reporting in for an ask!!! I always love seeing you in my inbox and I swear I get excited every time, I'm just bad at answering 😂

And re: your comment at the end, Thank You and everyone who reminded me to give myself room to rest! I don't want to burn out any more than anyone else wants me to burn out, and I appreciate the reminder!! Also preparing the feast was So Worth It, people are still (like literally at this moment I got one) sending in the LOVELIEST comments that are making my day every single time!!

Ily all!!! and Bean I'll see you in like five seconds for your Echo Wife ask I've been vibrating to answer 💖

[skinnyducky]

lullaby (pt. 2 to cherry) // v.h.

This part went through so many changes. Originally, they weren't getting back together but I ultimately decided for Y/n to take Vinnie back because I'm a sucker for happy endings and second chances. Kinda came out longer than I wanted it too, but meh. This part is heavily inspired by the song "Lullaby" by Mariah Carey. Other than that, I hope you enjoy!

link to part 1

Word Count: 2219, unedited

WARNING: language, mentions of partying, alcohol, drugs, and a very fluffy yet cheesy ending.

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It had been a few months since you and Vinnie had bid your goodbyes. Within those months, you were doing great. You had aced your first semester classes, you just moved into your apartment, and you were at the highlight of your life. The only thing you lacked was someone to bask in the happiness with. To say you missed Vinnie was an understatement, but you were too prideful to actually tell yourself that.

You tried dating again, but no one could hold a candle to your Vinnie. Plus, you hadn’t been keeping up with him on social media or anything, so you didn’t know if he had moved on and forgotten you. You didn’t want to reopen old wounds, so you refrained from contacting him.

But little did you know, not a day went by that Vinnie didn’t think about you. He constantly thought about what he did, beating himself up for even having the thought of another girl while he was with you. But he didn’t know what to do. Your relationship was dying, and none of you bothered to even talk about it. So, to him, he thought there was nothing that he could do…thus causing him to do what he did. Thankfully, he didn’t go too far with the girl, but still…he knew what he did was terrible.

Dating for him was pretty much impossible. Much similar to your situation, there was no one who could fill your shoes. The way you danced around in his head during the day and ruled his dreams at night…no one could do that for him. You were one of a kind, and with as many offers he got, he was torn that none of them were from you. He was a funk…a really bad one.

His friends and housemates took notice of this and being the best friends they were, they decided to drag him out of the house and to a party at Triller Compound because that’s what every heartbroken friend needed when they’re down. To be surrounded by booze, loud music, and sweaty people…oh yeah, that’s what he definitely needed right at this moment.

“C’mon, at least smile a little bit.” Alex said, looking back the upset boy through the rearview mirror.

“Smile about what? Going to some party that I didn’t even want to go to.”

“You seriously need to get over, Y/n.” Thomas sighed, turning to Vinnie from the passenger seat. “What happened between to you two happened for a reason. You just gotta let it go.”

Mia scoffed from beside Vinnie and slapped Thomas on the shoulder. “Thomas, it’s not that easy!”

“I’m just saying, if it were me, I wouldn’t be all upset and everything.”

“So, you’re saying if we broke up…you wouldn’t be sad?” Mia responded sharply, obviously joking.

Thomas nearly choked, looking back at his girlfriend. “I-I’m not saying that. I mean, if…it’s just that…it’s different, okay. He cheated.”

“Did you have to bring that up?” Mia rolled her eyes and turned to Vinnie. “Don’t listen to him, okay. It was your relationship, and sure you messed it up, but…you still can be sad about it. I think.”

Vinnie huffed and stayed silent, no bothering to listen to anyone. He didn’t need people reminding him of his mistakes, that was the whole reason why he was being a downer. He just couldn’t forgive himself. There were no ounce of words or speeches that anyone could give him that would make him feel better. This was just something that he’d have to get over with time.

It was only minutes before they pulled up to the packed mansion and stumbled out of Alex’s car, Vinnie being the last out. He watched as his friends rushed to the house before heading inside. Upon entering the house, scenes of people grinding and drinking came into his sights. The sound of trap music filled his ears as the strong stench of weed brushed across his nose. He sneered before walking to the backyard. He scanned the area for any sober person he knew, hoping to find someone to complain about his situation to.

As he searched, his eyes landed on a familiar head of y/h/c hair. He furrowed his brows, trying to get a better view of the person. “That can’t be who I think it is,” he thought to himself as he moved in closer.

That was when you looked to side, and he caught a glimpse of your profile. His heart nearly stopped beating the minute he saw your face. He breathed hitched in his threat as he tried to keep himself from hyperventilating. He never thought he’d see you again, yet here you were…just a few feet away from him. He had forgotten the fact that you two had mutual acquaintances, so it came to no surprise that you’d come to this party.

Vinnie watched as you threw you head back in laughter at something one of your friend’s said. There wasn’t much he could do but stare at you. He didn’t know what to do. It’d be risky to even think you’d want to talk to him, so he refrained from walking up to you. He didn’t want to bring up painful memories. It was a good thing you hadn’t seen him yet.

---------

“You’re joking!” You smiled. “Come to think of it though, Bryce would be the one to try and drink tequila off your tits.”

Your friend, Y/bff/n snorted, “I know right!? I was like…sir, I am not that kind of a girl. Please have a good night.”

The two of you continued to laugh at her situation before you heard her go silent. You calmed yourself down, looking at her shocked face. Confused, you followed her eyes and turned around to see what had her so shook up. At that moment, your eyes met the very person you had least expected to see tonight…

Vinnie.

He was staring right back at you. The minute he realized you were looking back at him, he nearly freaked out. He attempted to look around, playing as if he hadn’t been eyeing you, but you had already caught him in the act.

“Is that…?”

“Vinnie, yep. That’s him.” You said, placing a hand on your hip. “I wonder what he’s doing here.”

Y/bff/n snickered. “It’s a party, Y/n.”

“I know that, but I honestly didn’t expect him to be here tonight.”

You two watched the boy look around frantically and you couldn’t help but smile a bit. You missed him and judging from the sight in front of you…it seemed as if he did too. But still, you were a bit out of the loop. Who’s to say he hasn’t already moved on. You couldn’t intrude on his happiness, that wouldn’t be fair.

“You should go talk to him.” Y/bff/n said.

You looked at her with your eyebrows raised. “You really think so?”

“It’s obvious he’s still into you, babes. And considering the fact you’ve been looking at him with those goo-goo eyes, I think you’re still into him too.”

“I don’t know, Y/bff/n. I mean…what if he’s seeing someone else.”

“There’s no way. If he’s trying that hard to pretend that he wasn’t just staring at you, he’s still hung up on you. And, even if he is seeing someone, that doesn’t mean you can’t just go and talk to him.”

You shrugged. “I guess you’re right.”

“Atta girl. Oh, and on your way back, make sure you grab me one of those little mini cakes. I’ve been craving one since we got here.”

Rolling your eyes at the foolish girl, you proceeded to leave her side and head over to Vinnie. The moment he saw you, he practically froze. You could tell he was nervous; his awkward stance and wide eyes told it all.

Within seconds, you stood before the boy, a slight grin on your face.

“Hey, Vinnie.” You greeted, placing your arms behind your back.

“Y/n, didn’t see you there!” He laughed. “Well, I did see you there but like, I wasn’t watching you or anything…yeah, totally wasn’t watching you.”

Your smile grew wider. “Yeah, sure. So, how’ve you been?”

“Good, uh…definitely good. You?”

“Um, my classes are going well, and I just got a new place…so, can’t complain.”

“That’s dope, Y/n. Glad to hear you’re doing good.”

You nodded, looking down at your feet. “Same to you. I’m sure you’re, y’know…enjoying everything with your girlfriend.”

Vinnie looked at you with a puzzled expression, your statement taking him back a bit. To be honest, he couldn’t be surprised that you thought he’d be taken by now because he thought the same about you. However, at the same time, with the way he was acting right now, he was shocked you didn’t realize he was still head-over-heels for you.

“I don’t, um…I’m not seeing anyone.”

You grinned to yourself, trying to keep your cool as you tilted your head at him. “I’m sorry, I just thought you’d be with someone.”

“It’s fine. I definitely get it. To be honest, I thought you’d be here with someone.”

“Technically, I am.” You replied.

It was at that moment Vinnie felt his heart explode and despair run through his system. He weakly put on a happy face, shooting you a thumbs up.

“That’s g-great.”

“Yeah, Y/bff/n just was dying to come with me. She’s been begging to go to one of these parties, so I thought why not?”

“Oh,” Vinnie breathed, feeling his heart piece itself back together. “So, you’re not seeing anyone?”

You shook your head. “Not right now. I’ve been on a few dates and stuff, but no one has ever made me feel like y-”

You stopped yourself, locking your lips together to keep that last word from leaving your mouth. You didn’t know why, but something in you didn’t want you sharing your feelings with Vinnie. Maybe it was the small ounce of hurt that clung to your heart like a child from Vinnie’s infidelity. Or maybe it was the slight fear that he may not want to get back together. There were so many thoughts in your head, all speaking at once. It was so loud, that you didn’t even catch what Vinnie had said to you.

“…and-…Y/n? You listening?” He tapped you gently, bringing you out of your head.

“Sorry about that. I was in my head for a moment. What were you saying?”

“I was just saying that I’m sorry for what I did. I was just so confused on where we stood in our relationship, not saying that it justifies my actions, but instead of coming to talk to you, I went and…well, did what I did. Believe me, I never meant to hurt you, and I totally understand if you don’t forgive me.”

You sighed, “I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t know where our relationship was headed either. Honestly, I was planning to break up with you that night.”

“And I ended up giving you even more of a reason to do so.”

You both laughed before meeting each other’s eyes.

“I wish we had talked about it, y’know? Communicated and all of that suff. It would’ve saved us both a heap of heartache.” You continued. “I can’t lie, even though life has been good, it sucks not being able to share it with you.”

Vinnie smirked, taking your hands in his. “Y/n, ever since we broke up…I haven’t been able to think about anything but you. I hadn’t streamed, I barely left the house…I couldn’t do anything. I just didn’t know how to function without you. You have such a hold over me…I didn’t know how to get over you.”

“I guess this whole goodbye thing really wasn’t a good idea after all.”

“No, I think it was. I think it happened for a reason. That reason being, so we can fall in love all over again.”

At this point, you were a smiling mess and there was nothing you could do to hide it. Vinnie wasn’t any better, you could tell he was in pain by the way he hadn’t stopped showing his pearly whites. It clear to both of you now that you two were still in love, if not more than before.

“That’s so sweet, Vin.” You said. “But also, cheesy. You were always the sappy one in the relationship.”

“As if, Miss Hopeless Romantic. I’m not the one who freaks out over Valentine’s Day.”

“Mmhm, sure you don’t.”

The two of you stood there for minute in silence, your hands entangled, and your gazes planted on each other. It felt good, and it was almost as if all that hurt…that fear…it was completely gone and now replaced with passion and security.

“Y/n, I know you probably have some resentment towards me, but I love you too much to care. So, if you’re willing and there’s enough forgiveness in your heart…I wanna restart, right from the beginning.”

Without much thought or hesitation, you said, “We can restart. For sure.”

“Well, in that case…Hi, I’m Vinnie.”

You smiled as the feeling of love washed over you. To say you were happy was an understatement, you were in paradise. Life was great, and now you had your boy back to share it with.

“Nice to meet you, Vinnie. I’m Y/n.”

[grey-water-colors]

Nothing Left to Lose

I'm in an angsty mood, so I thought I would write this. It's based entirely off a song from Tangled the Series. The song is linked here. I hope you enjoy the angst.

Summary: Y/n Is on a war path for revenge, but the love of her life is trying to stop her.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Murder. Mentions of killing. Mentions of torture. ANGST

Word Count: 1,077

Master List

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N, you're angry, I get it. Believe me I know what it's like. But you are making a mistake,” Bucky begged.

She had been acting different in the past few weeks. After a mission in Russia, a couple words spat in Russian, and she changed. She went to her room and shut the door. She hadn’t left until three days ago.

No word, or note, just disappeared. The team went looking. Searching everywhere. She had finally shown up in Germany after sniping a man who exited a café.

She had gotten away before they could get to her. Then came the investigation, deep background search. On the surface she was a normal, caring person who was good with guns and fighting. She had joined the team three years ago after she had been scouted by Nat and Steve.

In those three years she had gotten close to Bucky. The first year they had just been friends. Then, in her second year, she and Bucky got together. She seemed happy. She understood him in a way he didn’t understand.

What the deep background search revealed was that she was a victim of Hydra. Used very much in the way that Bucky had, but she had been taken as a child. A soldier meant to kill. She hadn’t been brainwashed though, merely blackmailed. Her family for her service. She had come from a big family too. Seven siblings along with her parents. Her family was killed a year after her capture.

The man she had killed was one of her handlers from Hydra.

“The path of hate is a dangerous track. You take one step and it's hard to turn back. It pulls you along, and though it seems wrong it feels right,” Bucky continued. He loved her, loved her enough to not let her go down this path. To kill those who had hurt her.

“Don't you see this path you're on leaves a permanent mark. It feels good at first, then it slowly turns dark. With each passing day, you're further astray from the light.

“Suddenly, you lose your way and lose the thread. Lose your cool, then lose your head. Every loss is harder to excuse.”

She had shot a civilian to get to her next target. Ruthless in her climb to destroy those who had controlled her.

“Then you'll see you'll lose your faith and lose your soul,” He said. A look of fear passed over her face, gone as soon as it came.

He continued, “'Til you lose complete control, and realize there's nothing left to lose. Y/N, trust me, becoming the villain isn't the answer.”

Her face turned dark as she aimed her gun at a woman who was curled on the ground begging for mercy. “Is that what you think I am?

“The path I'm on is a path paved in black. I'm taking that road and I'm not looking back. Each twist and each turn leads straight where I'm yearning to go.”

She had been taken as a little girl, manipulated to do as Hydra said. They said she would just have to do a couple things, then she could go back to her family. Sure, go through torture, and humiliation. Kill innocent people. No on should go through that. So she was making sure that these people could never do that to anyone else.

“Yes, it's true, my path is dark but I see where it ends. My rivals will fall as my power ascends. Despise me, that's fine. I'm taking what's mine even so.”

The three year she had spent with the avengers had changed her. She lost her will to go through with her plan. The people there in that family could almost make up for the one she lost. Y/N had even fallen in love. Loved someone who went through what she had, but he couldn’t know that.

That mission two weeks ago, a hydra agent who had mocked her for being weak. She had called for revenge and she needed to go through with it, but she couldn’t when she was with the avnegers. With Bucky. They would try to stop her. She needed to hurt Bucky, get rid of her last tie to the avengers, then she could be free to do what she needed to do.

“Not like you. You lost your nerve, you lost the game. But you and I, we're not the same. I'm not lost, this fate was mine to choose,” she tried not to cry. Hurting him was something she had promised she would never do. He was stronger than her in so many ways. He was fighting his demons, and she was drowning in them.

“So I chose to lose my doubts and lose my chains. Lose each weakness that remains. Now that I have nothing left to lose.” He could move on. Find someone who could love him without secrets and baggage. To wade through trouble and turmoil. He deserved more than her. Broken and lost.

He walked closer to her, sadness clear in his eyes, but also hope that he could help her. “You have so much to hold onto.”

She stepped back away from him. If she let him close she would cave. She had to do this. “I only want my rightful dues.”

He reached out to her, “Listen please, you've lost your grip. And lost your mind.”

“I'm not gonna lose,” she whispered.

“All's not lost, don't be so blind. Cut your losses, drop the IOUs,” he begged again.

“I refuse.” She stood her ground.

She almost asked him to come with her, but she knew better. She could stay. Be with Bucky, live with a found family and be happy.

The Avengers ran up behind Bucky, fear and anger in their eyes. She knew then that she couldn’t go back. She had started down this path and she had to finish it.

“I lose no tears and lose no sleep. What I want I'll take and keep.”

Steve stepped forward. “It's time for you to choose.”

She shook her head and she saw something die in Bucky’s eyes.

“You can't stop the turning on the screws,” she whispered and turned away. She shot the woman, then disappeared into the night.

She didn’t stop until she was far away.

A tear fell from her eye and fell to the ground. Her heart breaking into a million pieces.

“Now I have nothing left to lose.”

[eunjidrabbles]

Boxes, bitter version with Rosie 🥺

Boxes Bitter Ver.

A new start, or a painful end, it all comes in a small cardboard box. All life's stories are kept in it and sealed shut until the next phase of life, where it is unveiled again.

Warnings: (M18) Guns, blood, death, su*cide

Word count: About 3k

-

“... With two more bodies found, that totals up to five cases this month alone. Local authorities are advising for everyone to avoid loitering past sunset until the perpetrator has been caught. Now, we shall pass the mic over to detective Lee who is in charge of the cases so far.”

Sighing as you tapped a button on the screen, the dull droning of the news report was changed into familiar, comforting melodies. With a groan, you stretched your arms out in front of you as you looked out into the evening sunset grumpily, unhappy to be trapped in the enclosed space of the patrol car. You know that it was part of your duties, even more so important now to patrol around the city, but you wanted to be part of the elite team that detective Lee led in the frontlines, directly involved with the rampant murder cases. It was weeks before from when you first heard the news from a neighboring city that the cases had shot up and the news that the murderer had yet to be caught sent chills down your spine when the first case popped up on the outskirts of your city. From your own personal network of friends, you knew that the killer passed through three cities and a small town, bringing up the body count along their way. There was no concrete evidence the cases were linked together of course, but you knew your instincts weren't wrong. Perhaps it had been your uptight sense of justice and following the law that spurred on your want to put an end to the seemingly senseless murders, but you had your orders and you would follow it no matter what you thought of it.

A snort before the start of a giggle caught your attention as you turned away from the tinted windows to look at your passenger seat occupied by your patrol partner. As they caught your furrowed and confused gaze, they burst out laughing even louder, throwing their head back as their entire body shook in the seat. "If you." Taking a deep breath to calm themselves down, they wiped away the little tear drop that formed at the corner of their eyes. "If you glare at the window any longer, you'll melt right through it already." Finally properly seated, they reached over to give your cheeks a quick pinch as you swipe at it, failing your attempt on disrupting them. "Lighten up, we both know that you don't like to stay still.” As their hand remained on your cheek, you eyed them for a second before suddenly turning and playfully snapping your teeth around their thumb earning you a surprised gasp. “You bit me!” Shrugging as if to tell them that’s what they got coming, you released the finger and looked at them with a smirk. “You’re lucky that we’re dating or else I’d report you for assault.” Chuckling at the comment, you stuck your tongue out and rested your hand on the steering wheel and tapped with the beat of the song playing. Your free hand snuck past the gear and found their hand to hold, a silent comfort to the both of you. “We also both know that you like me too much to report me even so.” A huff was all the answer you need to hear as a grin broke on your face. It wasn’t easy to find someone that understood your high sense of justice and want to protect people. That usually means that you would spend more time dedicated to your job than normal office workers, but you couldn’t blame your previous partners for leaving. Being an officer was a thankless and risky job, not knowing if you’d be able to return home the next day when sent on a dangerous assignment. A squeeze of your hand pulled you out of your thought as you turned to look at your partner once again.

“It’s okay to be afraid, you know.”

“Afraid? Of what?” Scoffing playfully at the sudden comment that came out of nowhere, you shook your head.

“The killer.”

Your smile dropped from your face and your frown crawled back as they brought it up. “I’m not afraid.” It was a little ridiculous that your partner whom had long accepted your righteousness to mock your will so, to be afraid of someone harming the defenseless. You knew what it meant when you don your uniform, and the more you thought of it, the more annoyed you got, wanting a clearer explanation before the situation escalated into a fight. “Why would I be afraid? If given the chance to, I’d stop them with all I have.”

“I know.” Their hands tighten around yours, as if fearing of letting go. “That’s why I want you to be afraid.” Their downcast eyes held a sense of selfish guilt as they brought your intertwined hands to their lips. “You’re not afraid of giving your life to stop them, but I am.” Your eyes softened when you heard them starting to explain, wondering where they were going with their train of thought. You understood that they cared for you deeply, but you knew that their words were going to fall on deaf ears if they told you to keep out of the cases. Finally bringing their gaze back to you, they took a deep breath.

“I like you more than like, (y/n). I love you. I want a future with you, that’s why I want you to be afraid.”

At the confession given, you could only stare back blankly as you start to get light headed. You studied their face for any signs of them joking around, and when you are sure there was none, you then let yourself fall into your thoughts. It wasn't that you couldn't love, but rather that you knew loving someone means to dedicate yourself to them, just like you're doing with your job. The thought itself honestly scared you a little that there was already someone whom you've spent your time with ever since you were in training that was willing to do so without hesitation. It was only fair that you'd tell your partner so, that you need more time.

"Listen, I-" The static buzz on both your walkie talkies cut you off as both of you broke eye contact, hands still together, and the other to receive the message. “All units, we have a suspect on the run heading towards the warehouse district. Suspect is wearing a white hoodie and blue ripped jeans. Suspect is armed. I repeat, suspect is armed.” Moving your gaze from the walkie talkie to your partner and the silence they were holding, you could already hear the thoughts going through her head. Slowly sliding your hand out of theirs to place on the steering wheel, you answered the call. “Patrol four here, we are two minutes out. We will be on route.” A fuzzy “Affirmative.” was heard before you stepped on the gas pedal to start the short drive. Throughout the two minutes even as you parked by the sidewalk, you could feel their gaze on you silently begging for you to say something in response to their confession. Stepping out the car, you finally feel the gaze lighten as you looked down to double check all your equipment, avoiding eye contact with them. “(Y/n).” Turning sharply to them as you walk into the silent streets, you snapped. “We’ll talk later, alright?” Looking back and inspecting the area with a quick glance, you sighed. “We should split up to cover more grounds-” “You’re not walking away from this.” Gritting your teeth, you took a deep breath to try rationalize your thoughts before you snap yet again. “Look, we are on duty right now. That should be our priority. We can talk when we get back.” Not giving them a chance to continue to talk, you walk in a direction, praying that they would go the other way. It didn’t take long of a walk before you heard sirens of other patrol cars before a flash of movement appeared in the corner of your eyes and you focused your attention back to your near surroundings. Reaching down, you double checked that your equipment were still there before cautiously following to where the movement was. There was just a cluster of sounds of something falling before you heard footsteps running away from where you were and on instinct, you gave chase. Losing track of how many turns and twists you took, the only thing pushing you forward was the thought of capturing what might be a suspect for the murders. Nearer and nearer you got, until you could see their attire, fitting that of the report and pushed yourself even more so to catch up. Hearing a soft curse right before you turned the corner, you slowed down a little to find the suspect looking around the dead end surrounded by tall warehouse doors.

There the suspect was, cornered with you blocking the only way out, back into the maze of buildings. As if knowing that, they turned around slowly, pulling out a blade from their hoodie pouch. Red stained the front of the snow white attire as they cleaned the blood off the blade as it exited it’s hiding place. “I wasn’t going to kill one more tonight, but I will if I must.” From the slightly shadowed area they stood in, you couldn’t see much of their features but as they took a step forward into the ray of streetlight, you could see the blonde pink hair that she bore, face showing just the slightest hint of annoyance, as if you had just told her some bad news and not a look of someone that was threatening to kill you. Something in your head finally clicked when you realised that she was approaching and you took a step back and pulled out your handgun and pointed it directly at her.

“Don’t move or I’ll shoot!”

There was something sick and twisted about the way she hummed happily and took another step to you as if she was just on a midnight stroll that made you flinch and take another step back. You knew that was the last step you could take backwards, anything more and it would be hard to block the sides of the exits and it would be back to a wild goose chase.

“I’ll really shoot!”

As if fully amused by your words, the annoyance forgotten and now on her face was a pleased grin as she inched yet another step forward to you, blade’s reflection shining off the dim streetlight. In your years of being an officer, you were lucky you had never once had the need to fire your weapon. Normally armed criminals would give by the time you even pull out your weapon yet here she was, bringing a blade towards you who held a weapon of advantage. Steeling yourself, you took a deep breath and held it, determined not to let her pass. The next step she took, a loud bang deafened you momentarily as you pulled on the trigger and closed your eyes, flinching at the loud sound.

When you cracked open your eyes slowly, shock flooded your senses as you spy dark brown eyes slowly revealing themselves behind the half shut lids. Your eyes darted from her head to toe, finding no signs of an additional injury past the blood that previously stained her clothes. Did you miss? Quickly scanning all around behind where she was, confusion wrapped it's claws around your lungs when you found no marks of a missed bullet anywhere. You gasp, as if suddenly remembering how to breathe when your brain pulls forth a memory of a story you were told when you were a child. Of how the world started peacefully and everyone's soul were whole but when Chaos struck, the souls were torn apart with the sole mission to find back their other parts and since they were once whole, the only way to know was how the parts of the souls refuse to hurt one another. Soulmates, was the name. There were no proper records of soulmates being real but deep down inside you, you felt the instant connection once you registered the fact that your bullet didn’t hurt her. Dread started filling every pore of your body when your brain finally remembered the main reason you were here; to chase down the murderer. Who is also your soulmate. It took probably was a few seconds before she looked up at you again, this time with an unmistakable glee in her eyes as she dropped the blade in her hand and skipped towards you while you stood rooted to the ground.

“I finally found you, love.”

Your weapon was lowered by her as she gently pushed down your arms as if she haven’t just threatened you with her blade before you shot at her. Her words ran through your head as it gets caught on a particular word. Finally. It then dawned upon you partially on what it meant, but you had to be sure. “What do you mean, finally?” Tilting her head innocently, she pouted and rubbed her chin as if in thought. “What do you mean, what do I mean? It took a while, but I could hear the voices drawing me in your direction but there were so many imposters out there, so I just had to make sure.” Bile starting rising to your throat when you confirmed your thoughts. This... psychopath had killed her way to find you. All those murders, all the innocent life lost, was all to find you. There was the little dark side at the very back of your mind that saw her dedication to find you, her other half, where the thought that she saw your life worth more than others brought a certain morbid appeal before you shook away that thought and forced yourself to remember what you were fighting for. It was a tear between your mind and soul, one calling out for the other part of itself and one holding on to what you deeply believed in. Tears begin to leave your eyes when you realized the situation you have in your hands. It should be logical to arrest her here and now, but you were compelled to let her hand come closer and closer, until she was wiping away at your tears.

“Y-you do realize that in search for me, for your happy ending, you put an end to so many others’?” Slowly, her other hand reached around to pull you into a hug as she shushed you. “How? How do you live with that?”

“I know. But you’re more important than they were.”

Somewhere in the distance within the maze of the warehouse, you could hear a familiar voice shout your name and the both of you darted your head in the direction. “Run away with me. We can live a life, just you and I. I’ll protect you from everyone. No one can hurt you.” Her voice was laced with desperation as she turned you to look back at her. There was a moment of silence as you stared into her eyes, searching for something that wasn’t there. “Am I really important to you?” Her hold on you tightened as she shook you slightly. “Of course you are, I killed to find you.”

“I understand now.” The moment those words left your lips, her smile widened despite the sounds of frantic footsteps steadily approaching. “There is no other way of getting through to you, is there?” Raising your free hand between the both of you, you brushed her hair back slightly before yanking yourself out of her hold and repointing the gun at her head again. Confusion flashed on her face, with a shred of amusement yet again as she questioned you. “What are you doing? You can’t hurt me.”

“Not physically, that is.” Taking a step away from her as she tried to grab at you, you repositioned the gun to your own head and watched as her eyes widened and any signs of her smile dropped along with her jaw. You could see her freeze up as she tried to think of the best thing to do. “That right there, what you’re feeling. That is what you made everyone else feel. Fear, despair.”

“I did all that to find you, how else was I supposed to do so?” Cutting her off by cocking the gun, she flinched at the sound. “We are supposed to be perfect, be whole together. I don’t get it, love.” You could see her torn as she twitched, clearly holding herself back from rushing to you in fear of your trigger finger being quicker. “If you can’t understand, then I’ll make you understand as a soulmate.”

“Don’t do this, we can live forever. Just us.”

Biting your lips, you heard the voice of your partner ring out clearly, calling for your name. “I’m sorry, I love you too.” Taking a deep breath, you pulled on the trigger.

Soulmates are one in millions. To be able to find the other part of your soul was honestly a miracle. However the moment one part rejects the bond there is to the other, there is no pain describable in the world close to what they would feel. That was what exactly went through Rosé‘s body as she fell to the ground, writhing around in the sharp pain before she gave in and whited out. Next time she awoke, a pool of blood was laying under you and blurry figures rushed forward, one running to you and kneeling beside you. The pull between the both of you was no longer there, and all she felt was an empty void. As she focused her eyesight on your unmoving figure, it slowly drifted to the other figure kneeling by you with face flushed from bawling screaming a name. Your name. That’s right. She didn’t even get your name before you so violently rejected your other half; her. Glancing at the offending weapon that slipped out of your grip and slid towards her, she inconspicuously picked it up. All those that she killed to find you, all the scars she gained from those fighting back, and just like that, you were gone. What’s the point anymore? Before anyone could stop her, she cocked the gun, closed her eyes and pulled the trigger.

Bang. 

[rowansparrow]

By Any Other Name: Playlist

Hello darlings. I had lots of people send me songs that reminded them of BAON, And I think I mentioned every now and then I had certain songs in mind when writing chapters, so I thought I’d compile everything into a playlist for those of you who might be interested. :) If there are lyrics underneath a song, then that means it’s one I was actively listening to/daydreaming to when writing that scene so take that however you wish, lol. 

(My personal favorite picks have stars by them, so if you listen to nothing else I’m BEGGING you to listen to those but it’ll hurt you probably)

Enjoy, and I hope you get some cool new tunes out of this lol. 

Chapter One

***(Flashback) Reader Meets Rose: Human - The Killers “Wave goodbye, wish me well, you’ve got to let me go”

Chapter Two

Opening Night at the Rose Lounge: Yeah! - Usher (Ft. Lil John & Ludacris) ***Fives Takes the Stage: oops! - Yung Gravy Fives, Hardcase, and Jesse dance: Good Girls Bad Guys - Falling in Reverse The Captain Arrives / (Flashback) Rex tells the reader: Turn to Hate - Orville Peck “Dumb enough to take the bait, don’t let my sorrow turn to hate” 

Chapter Three:

(Flashback) Playing Sabacc: Everybody Lost Somebody - Bleachers “There’s a reason I see myself in a million faces, I reason I can’t stop it all from changing, so come on motherfucker, you survived, you gotta give yourself a break.”  Rex Calms Reader Down: Don’t Let Me Cave In - The Wonder Years

Chapter Four: 

(Flashback) Depression and Loss: The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson “Promise not to promise anymore, and if you come around again, then I will take, then I will take, the chain from off the door.” 

Chapter Five: 

***Fives and Reader in the Office: Fire Meet Gasoline - Sia “It’s a bad bet, certain death, but I want what I want and I got to get it.”  (Flashback) Rose and Reader on the Roof: Love and War in your Twenties - Jordy Searcy

Chapter Six: 

(Flashback) Rose and Reader on the Roof: Photograph - Ed Sheeran “You won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home” Forgiving Captain Rex: Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, but I was just kidding myself.” 

Chapter Seven: 

***(Flashback) Reader meets Captain Rex: Line Without a Hook - Ricky Montgomery “She’s a lady, and I am just a boy. I am just a line without a hook.”  ***Rex and Reader on the Roof: If the World Was Ending - JP Saxe (Ft. Julia Michaels) “Would you love me for the hell of it? All our fears would be irrelevant.” 

Chapter Eight: 

Fives/Reader/Echo Together: Easy - The Commodores The Helmet: Unshaken - Christian Larsson

Chapter Nine: 

(Flashback) Broken Glass, Bandaged Hands: Falling - Harry Styles “What am I now? What am I now? What if you’re someone I just want around?” ***Fives’ Confrontation on the Roof: Insomnia - IAMX “You could see the madness in my eyes. I’ve lost control, please save me from myself.” 

Chapter Ten:

***(Flashback) Rose and Reader’s First Time: Dustland - The Killers Ft. Bruce Springsteen “Is there still magic in that midnight sun, or did you leave it back in ‘61? In the cadence of a young man’s eyes, out where the dreams all hide.”  ***Rex and Reader with Fives: A Letter to Georgia - The Airborne Toxic Event “Afraid of this truth that love could cause you so much pain, darling I wish it wasn’t true.” 

Chapter Eleven: 

Fives and Rex Fight: Toxic - Britney Spears (Flashback) Rose and the Children: Father and Son - Cat Stevens “From the moment I could talk, I was ordered to listen. Now, there’s a way, and I know, that I have to go away. I know I have to go.”  ***Rex Tells the Truth: The Night We Met - Lord Huron “I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met.” 

Chapter Twelve:

The 501st at War: Vode An (Epic Version) - Samuel Kim The Garbaks: Once Upon a Memory - Kan Gao (instrumental) Defending the Garbak Village: Bang Bang - Green Day ”Give me death or give me head. I’m daddy’s little psycho and mommy’s little soldier.���  ***Rose Sees the Missiles: A Conversation with Death - Khemmis ”As long as God in heaven dwell, your soul, your soul shall scream in hell.”  ***Rose’s Final Moments: Deadman’s Gun - Ashtar Command “You’ve given them all you can give, and luck won’t save them tonight.”

Chapter Thirteen:

(Flashback) Marry Me: Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift “Say you’ll see me again, even if it’s just in your wildest dreams.”  ***The Ring: Runaway Horses - The Killers (Ft. Phoebe Bridgers) “Head first into the unknown, like runaway horses, in a fever till the end.” 

Chapter Fourteen:

Rex After Umbara: Everything I Love is Broken - The Airborne Toxic Event ***The Mountains and the Sea: Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie “I need you so much closer.” 

Chapter Fifteen: 

***Fives Knows: Achilles Come Down - Gang of Youths “Throw yourself into the unknown with a pace and a fury defiant.”  The Outlander: Boba Fett’s Theme (The Book of Boba Fett) - Samuel Kim (Besties I am begging you to listen to this one)

Chapter Sixteen:

Out of the Fire: ONCE AGAIN, Boba Fett’s Theme (The Book of Boba Fett) - Samuel Kim. See above link. Just let the scenes segue together with this playing in the background it’ll change your life I promise. “They Called Me Rose”: Open the Door - The Mandalorian Season 2 Soundtrack.

TAG LIST:  @fat-zygerrian @ladydiomede @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life @threevie @cheesemachine44 @bubblyacey @fivedicksinatrenchcoat @loverofclones @starwarsgarbage @hockeyjedi13 @crazygirlwithasword @dar-manda-rjct @gotomarvelgal @baba-fett @whore4rex @bubblegumcat229 @generalcannoli @hellothere501stlover @in-the-crosshairs @vaderthepotater @for-the-love-of-clones @babyhowzer @imrealatedtothe501st @chewychewyque @bobafettuccini @baba-fett-writes @chromia7567 @coffeeandtodd @thedomesticatednerd @kirinpl @djarrex @a-c-lee @embarrassedauthornerd @kaorikoizumi @the-girl-of-rain-and-shadows @sammi9498 @theroguesully​ @paige6768

[abarbaricyalp]

@sambuckylibrary

SamBucky Halloween Prompt 5: Mausoleum

Sam meets Bucky in a mausoleum in Brooklyn  (This fic is set in Brooklyn because I could not make up a reason for Bucky to be in Louisiana despite the fact that I really very badly wanted it set in Louisiana. Bucky is also slightly younger because of fic reasons.)

Rated G: Discussions of death and loss (It’s set in a mausoleum, use discretion) (AO3 link in the notes)

Title from “Little Ghost” by The White Stripes, highly encourage you to listen to the song

One I’m Most Scared Of

Sam hated funerals. He hated that his father wanted him around for them. No other seventeen year old was surrounded by so much death and mourning.

“Sam, you have a gift,” his father said. ���You put others at ease just by your presence.”

Sam thought everyone else should invest in a therapist and not a high schooler.

Petulantly, he kicked his heels back against a stone bench as he stared at the walls of crypts and cremains spots. Behind him, the funeral party milled and offered condolences to the bereaved, which actually seemed like everyone in the party. Sometimes, a funeral party seemed less bereaved than relieved at these things. Sam remembered the first time he heard a man’s daughter immediately plan lunch with a group of friends without a waver to her voice or a tear on her cheek. He vowed he’d never be the kind of person that had a funeral like that.

If he even had a funeral. Putting himself in the ground in whatever clothes he died in and then becoming a tree without telling anyone was becoming a nicer and nicer option.

So, he listened to the sniffling without turning around and thought about what kind of tree he’d become. He’d already done his duties of rubbing a wife’s arm, hugging kids, tickling grandkids, listening to the same three stories a dozen times. His father couldn’t expect anything else from him. So he wasn’t thrilled when someone his age sat down beside him.

The guy was handsome in a traditional, classical sort of way. Not as boring as the rich white guys who went to Sam’s school. His hair was side parted and only long enough to make an impressive arch on his head instead of laying in his face. He had a square jaw that was a little comical and his nose was a little fucked up in a kind of endearing way. The way Sam’s best friend looked after getting beaned in the face by a wayward baseball. Like most people who came through the mausoleum, he was sad.

There was no other word for it. Sam had tried to be poetic about his time in the crypts, but there was only so much the clinical-ness of bereaved and the dramatic-ness of tortured or sobbing or anguished could do. And they were rarely entirely true. Sad was just the word for people staring at remains of someone they once loved. Sometimes the simple explanation was the most appropriate. The rest of death and grief was already so complicated. It was easier to just feel sad.

The guy was too old to be a grandkid but too young to be a kid, unless the deceased and his wife had gotten freaky in their elder age. Sam hadn’t noticed him in his previous passes of the party or from the service, where he always sat in the back and made it a game to memorize as many shades of black or ridiculous hair styles as possible.

In fact, the boy wasn’t even wearing black. He was wearing a dark brown jacket, adorned with gold accents and pins. In fact… Sam was pretty certain it was an old military dress uniform.

“Uh...are you just visiting?” Sam ventured when the guy didn’t even bother to glance over.

The guy’s mouth quirked to one side faintly. “Yeah, you could say that. That one,” he said, gesturing to an entombment with a gravemarker that read James Buchanan Barnes March 10, 1922 - February 5, 1942. Son, Brother, Friend, Hero.

“Oh,” Sam breathed and understood the weird military uniform. “Are you related to him? You do kinda look like him.”

The guy turned finally to look at Sam and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, you could say that. I’m Bucky.”

“Oh, jeez, you were named after him too.”

The guy--Bucky 2, apparently--cocked his head in a half nod. “I’m actually waiting on someone. Do you think they’ll be here much longer?” he asked, jerking his chin over to the party.

“Well, these things don’t really have a limit to how long people can be here,” Sam pointed out. “But most people get the point when they start sealing the tomb and all. Uh, this thing you’re waiting for, is it about him? Like, some kind of memorial service?”

It was neither February nor March, so Sam couldn’t imagine why there would be a memorial service for Barnes now. It had been a while since Sam’s father had done a service in Brooklyn and he’d kind of forgotten the cult status Barnes and,  to a much greater extent, Rogers had in this town.

“Nah, I’m just waiting on a friend,” Bucky said.

“Well…” Sam settled back against the stone bench. “I’ll stand in for a while.”

“You wanna be my friend? Should I be worried. I think horror movies start off like this.”

“Name one horror movie that starts off in a mausoleum.” 

“Murder by the Clock. Mummy’s Tomb. All the vampire movies.”

“Dracula doesn’t live in a mausoleum,” Sam argued lightly. “And I’ve never even heard of those other movies.”

“That’s ‘cause you don’t watch classics.”

“Uh-huh. Or you were just scraping the bottom of the barrel.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and knocked his shoulder against Sam’s. “Did you know…” He gestured back to the waning funeral party.

Sam shook his head. “No. My dad’s the pastor. He did the service. He likes me to be here for moral support.”

“Hell, I don’t think my parents trusted my morals as far as they could throw me,” Bucky snorted.

Sam noted the past tense but knew better than to push for information, especially in a mausoleum during a funeral of all places. “Are you a student around here?” he asked instead.

“Can’t you tell?” Bucky answered as he popped the lapels of his jacket. “I’m a soldier.”

“Right. A soldier who’s home, spending his time in mausoleums in front of his great-great uncle or something.”

“I could be a great-great grandkid. I heard he got around.”

“I heard that was all manufactured propaganda to sell a story.”

“I read it in a book.”

“And I read about time travel and aliens in a book.”

Bucky shrugged. “There are weirder things out there.”

“Right, in a world of super soldiers and Nazis with no faces,” Sam agreed drily.

“You’ll see,” Bucky assured. “Aliens and time travel are both gonna be all anyone talks about soon.”

“Y’know, I didn’t think a guy dressing up as his great-great grandpa-uncle to meet someone at his burial site would be so into sci-fi too.”

“Multitudes and all that. You know, there were half a dozen sci-fi books in his bag when his belongings were recovered.”

“I’ve heard that,” Sam said. Only because it’d been a point in the Oscar-Bait movie a few years ago. “He’d read to Rogers when he was sick.”

Bucky looked a little wistful and then nodded.”I’ve heard that too.”

“Do you ever feel pressure to be like him? Or be somethin’ you’re not, just ‘cause someone looked at your little baby face and named you after a legend?”

That wry, sad grin came back and Bucky shook his head. “Nah. Not really. Do you, though? I mean, obviously not him. But someone.”

Sam traced out the letters of the name of someone who died in 1985. A L E X A N D E R. He nodded. “Feels like everyone needs me to be someone and I let myself play that part until people stopped noticing it was a part.”

“What’s the part?” Bucky asked as he leaned back on his hands.

“I dunno. Someone who-- Well, I mean… Maybe it’s not a full part. Maybe I’m just upset that people only want me to have one kind of personality trait. I mean, everyone knows I’m kind and I’m good with words and I care about people. And I really do want to be that guy. But when I want to be that guy, y’know? Not all the time. Sometimes I want to cry and scream and rage too. Sometimes I want to be quiet for a little while and not help someone else. Just for a few hours.”

Bucky nodded and stared at the rows of internments  before them. “Y’know. I’m sure people would understand that if you told them. If you said, ‘I can’t do this right now. Please let me be quiet.’”

“I know that,” Sam said softly. He tangled his fingers together in his lap. “Maybe I’m mostly angry at myself for not being able to say something like that. I’m the guy who helps. If I don’t do that, if I beg a day off, then who am I? What am I bringing to the table?”

Bucky scooted closer and put a hand on Sam’s knees. It sent a jolt through Sam’s body and he worked very hard on not jerking his gaze up to Bucky’s face. “Sam, you just said you have other personality traits, other feelings, other hobbies that aren’t hanging out in a mausoleum. That’s what you bring to the table on the days you can’t be there for everyone else.”

Sam nodded and reached up to rub two fingers under his eye. He wasn’t at full tears yet, but he also didn’t want to get any closer. “Wait, did I tell you my name?” he asked suddenly.

Bucky lifted an eyebrow again. “You must’ve. Or someone else said it earlier. The point is, you’re still you. And you bring smarts and humor and a good head around, even when you aren’t offering free therapy or a crying shoulder. And, Sam, listen, even when you don’t want to be any of that, you’re still kind. I’ve only been sitting here for a few minutes and you’ve been kind the whole time, even when you weren’t trying. It’s not a part you’re playing. Just be who you are and ask for your time when you need it. If people reflect even a quarter of the love you put out there back at you, no one will ever begrudge you some quiet.”

Sam swallowed thickly and leaned against Bucky’s shoulder heavily. Bucky moved his hand from Sam’s knee to wrap his arm around his ribs instead. “You really think I’m funny and smart?” Sam asked eventually.

“You started spouting off propaganda theories and joking about where vampires technically live. Yeah, you’re something else, man,” Bucky laughed. “And I think you’re beautiful, which people always appreciate in people they hang around with.”

Sam rolled his eyes and ignored the last comment, thankful that his skin was dark enough to hide his blush and Bucky couldn’t see the swooping of his stomach. “Well, if you think that’s impressive, I’ve got a whole list of things I think are propaganda.”

“I’d love to hear all about it some other time.”

“Is your friend here?” Sam asked, sitting back a little and glancing around.

Bucky’s eyes cast around the mausoleum briefly too. “No. I just don’t feel like listening to any propaganda tonight,” he joked.

Sam jostled his elbow into Bucky’s rib and leaned back against his side. “I can’t remember the last time I actually talked to someone in one of these things. Everything’s always so surface level here. ‘Sorry for your loss’ ‘He was a good man’ ‘Of course we’ll come by the benefit.’ None of it means anything.”

“Well, I wasn’t part of the funeral, so maybe that was a plus. I’m just some guy. Hanging out in a mausoleum.”

“Ah, you’re the vampire,” Sam said with a grin. “Maybe I should get a stake in that casket.”

“There’s no body in it,” Bucky reminded him. “They never found Rogers’ or Barnes’ body.”

“Right, right. The train and plane.”

“It’s just for show,” Bucky said. He reached out to trace his fingers along Barnes’ last name and then held his palm against the stone for a second longer.

Sam put his hand on Bucky’s knee and said quickly, like ripping a bandaid off, “Do you want to get lunch or something? With me? Now, or later. I’m not picky. And then maybe again?”

Bucky turned blue eyes back to Sam and he really did look just like all those old pictures. That same sad smile came to his mouth. “Yeah, I really, really do. Maybe later,” he said and leaned over to kiss Sam’s cheek softly.

Sam’s eyes fluttered shut and his heart kicked up so rapidly in his chest it punched the air out of his ribs.

When he managed to open his eyes again, Bucky was gone.

[mage-ellie]

His Wish

This is my first request from AO3! People seemed to like it so I thought I’d post it here too :) I’m open for small requests! Feel free to request headcanons/scenarios/prompts! I’ll write about any of the P5R cast. Akechi is just my favorite boy <3 All I ask is that you don’t request abusive/toxic relationships, yandere, smut of underaged characters (I will age them up though), or pieces that romanticize mental illnesses. I prefer to write fem!reader since i’m a girl and it’s easier for me, but if you say please, i’ll do my best to write GN and male!reader pieces! <3 

Warnings: P5R spoilers, lots of fluff

Word count: 2,497

Link to original post: Click me!

Summary:  All Goro Akechi had wished for was to be loved, to be needed, by someone, anyone. He never could've imagined that his wish would actually come true.

In less than 24 hours, Goro Akechi was going to be married.

He never could've imagined that he would live long enough to find love, let alone get married. He had also never imagined that he would be marrying one of the infamous Phantom Thieves. Although, he couldn't complain, she was quite the impressive thief, having managed to steal his heart right out from under his nose.

Goro was currently lying alone on the bed in the hotel room he was staying at. Their wedding reception was going to be held at the Yoshiki-en Garden in Nara, Japan. His fiancée had practically begged him to have their wedding there. The garden was at its most beautiful during the spring time. But truth be told, Goro would've married her any where, even in that little hole in the wall, Leblanc.

The soon to be husband couldn't stop replaying everything that lead up to this moment.

How she had practically forced him to live with her during the whole Maruki conundrum. How she confessed her feelings to him in March when he returned. How he told her he loved her for the first time during their date to the cherry blossom festival in Tokyo. How he proposed to her in front of all of their friends 3 years later at that same cherry blossom festival.

He was so nervous for tomorrow, and yet so excited. He actually found someone who wanted to be with him for who he was, not because of his celebrity status. She knew about all of his flaws and his horrific past, but not once did she let him doubt her love for him. She worked so hard to support him while he went to therapy, to help him make amends with Futaba and Haru, to help him come to terms with the fact that he deserved a second chance.

A few years ago, he would've been terrified at the thought of having someone in his life like this, but now, he couldn't imagine his life without her.

-

The next thing he knew, he was being awakened by the sound of someone slamming their fists against his hotel room door. Akira Kurusu, Ryuji Sakamoto, and Yusuke Kitagawa were currently standing outside of his room, each with a black tux in hand. As well as Morgana, who was sitting on the floor next to Akira's feet, already wearing a cute little handmade formal black vest. They wanted to get ready with Goro, seeing as it was his big day and all.

A little ways down the hall, the group of boys could hear a group of girls squealing about marriage, dresses and romance. It was 8 A.M. and they were already so energetic. The groom and his groomsmen all laughed to themselves, they were excited as well. This was the first marriage in their friend group after all.

Akira, Goro's best man, mentioned that he should try to take as many mental photos as he could, because this day would go by in a blur. Goro believed him, one moment the boys were standing at his door, ready to get the day started, and the next they were all dressed and making their way to the venue.

The normally oh so composed Goro Akechi was sweating bullets. His hands were clammy and his throat was dry. Never in his life had he felt so nervous, so unprepared.

Before he knew it, it was suddenly 3 P.M. and the ceremony was beginning. Only your closest friends and family made up the audience. No media or paparazzi in sight. Goro shifted his weight from one leg to the other, he hadn't seen you all day. His heart raced as music began and you appeared in your gorgeous white wedding gown, Sojiro by your side, walking you down the aisle. He felt a hard lump forming in his throat at the sight of you. You always looked gorgeous to him, but in that moment, he truly believed that you were an angel sent from above.

A soft, teary eyed smile spread across his face as you made your way closer to him. He knew he'd be teased by the others for the rest of his life for crying while you walked down the aisle, but he didn't care. All that mattered, was that you were now standing before him, in a gown he never imagined he'd see you in. A warm, comforting smile made its way to your cheeks from behind your veil as you looked up into his eyes. It was taking all of his self control to not kiss you right then and there.

He could hear the officiant speaking about love and happiness, but he wasn't really listening. Goro was too busy taking as many mental pictures as he could fit into his brain. He only tuned back in when you brought up a small index card filled with writing. It was your vow to him.

"My dearest Goro. Never in a million years had I imagined that I would be spending the rest of my life with you, and to be honest, I'm pretty sure you had thought the same thing." You began, a light giggle coming from your throat. The Phantom Thieves, Sae and Sojiro also laughed, knowing what you meant by that. He had quite the troublesome past with the thieves after all. "Despite our differences in the past, I can't imagine being with anyone else. I vow to you that I'll work tirelessly to show you my love, to always be there for you, and to give you the home and family that you deserve." If he hadn't been so entranced by the way you looked while reading your vows to him, your words would've had him sobbing. "I love you Goro," He froze when your voice cracked, "I'm so happy that you're home." He knew what you meant by that. He remembered how devastated you looked when he told you that he might not have survived during Shido's palace, but he wouldn't dwell on the memory, he was with you now, right?

It was his turn. Shakily, he pulled out a card with his vows on it from his tux pocket. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he began. "Y/N, my love. I truly didn't believe that I would live long enough to find love like this. And you're right, never had I imagined that I would be marrying you of all people." He watched as you lifted a hand to your mouth and laughed, your eyes lit up as you did so, the other thieves snickering along with you. He was glad that you could all laugh about the past like this. It lifted a guilty weight off of his shoulders. "And yet, here I am, unable to picture this day any other way. These past few years, you've shown me a love that I've never known. Today, I vow to you that I'll spend the rest of my days finding ways to bring happiness to you, like you've brought to me. I vow that I'll protect you and cherish you with my entire being." He looked up momentarily, amazed by the fact that a single tear was making its way down your cheek. "I love you Y/N. It's good to be home." He watched as you nearly broke down at his last sentence. You took a moment to close your eyes and take a deep breath.

The officiant started talking about your rings, but once again, Goro was too busy staring at you to listen. The sound of you squealing is what brought him back to reality. He watched as Morgana trotted down the aisle, carefully balancing a pillow on his head and carrying the rings to you both. You had a look of pure delight on your face, apparently, Akira had told you that Morgana wouldn't be able to make it because cats weren't allowed or something, but of course, your kitty friend wouldn't miss this day for the world.

Everyone in the audience cooed at the cat as he sat in front of you both with a smug grin on his face. You both reached down for the rings, your hand lingered for a moment to scratch the black cat on the head.

Goro melted into your touch when you took his hand so you could put the ring on his finger, it was a simple silver band with both of your initials engraved on the inside. Next, Goro delicately took your hand in his and slid the crown shaped wedding ring onto your left ring finger. He was the ace detective prince after all, marrying him made you his queen, right?

The officiant spoke a bit more before saying the words Goro had been waiting to hear all day. "I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride."

Goro gently lifted the veil from your face, but before he could lean in, you had pushed yourself onto the tips of your toes and pressed your lips to his, your arms making their way around his neck. You had been waiting just as long for this moment as he had. He quickly slipped his arms around your waist and pulled you close to him, reveling in the feeling of your lips.

Cheers erupted from the small crowd as you two pulled away. "I love you Goro Akechi." You whispered, only loud enough for him to hear. "I love you too, Y/N Akechi." His response was just as quiet as yours. Saying your first name with his last name did funny things to his heart. He wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to it, not that he minded. It would be a reminder that someone out there truly did love him.

The rest of the night was a blur for Goro. His most prominent memories of the night were of Sojiro sobbing when he danced with you, Morgana and Futaba arguing over who got to dance with you next, Ann screaming when she caught the bouquet of flowers you had thrown, and the way you looked, swaying slowly in his arms to a song he didn't know the lyrics to, but you knew every word. He wasn't even sure if he got to eat a slice of the expensive wedding cake that he had paid for.

By the time you both made it to the bridal suite, you were exhausted. Goro was barely able to get your wedding dress off of you before you passed out on the bed. He did his best to carefully remove your makeup so you wouldn't have to worry about it in the morning. He couldn't help but stare at you for a bit as you laid beside him, the light from the moon making your skin glow. His mind was ready to burst from how many mental photos he had taken throughout the day.

Gently, as to not disturb you, he wrapped you in his arms and drifted to sleep while going over the memories he had of this day.

-

5 years.

You and Goro have been married for 5 years now. Goro couldn't deny that he was happy to wake up next to you every day.

However, today was different. He knew that you had planned to meet up with the girls for an early breakfast, but you didn't wake him up to say goodbye. Usually, on the rare occasions that you would have to leave your shared house before he woke up, you'd wake him up and give him a kiss goodbye.

He had noticed that you had been a bit distant lately, and he couldn't help but worry. Were you falling out of love with him? Were you cheating on him? Was it something worse? His mind filled with all sorts of negative questions and concerns in an attempt to figure out why you were acting the way you were.

Goro waited for you on the couch in your home, planning on confronting you about your strange behavior when you got back. In the 8 years that you've been together, you've never once done something like this, so he was incredibly scared.

The familiar jingle of keys and turning of the lock on the front door signaled your safe arrival home. He watched you freeze for a moment when you made eye contact with him, uncertainty and nervousness clouding your once bright eyes. Goro raised an eyebrow, despite the fear that coursed through his veins.

You took a deep breath before approaching him silently, once in front of him, you dug around in your purse for a moment, before handing him a small white box with a red ribbon tied around it. He stared at the box, shocked as you took a seat beside him. Goro could feel you staring at him, burning a hole into the side of his head. A... gift? This wasn't what he was expecting at all.

"Well?" Your voice sounded so small. Were you afraid of something? He took a moment to look at you before untying the ribbon and opening the box, inside sat three pregnancy tests. Each one testing positive. It took a moment for his brain to process this information. You were pregnant, with his child. That's why you had been so distant. The two of you almost never talked about kids. Due to his traumatic past, Goro believed that he would never be a good father, even with all of the therapy and support from you, he could never see himself being one.

"You're pregnant." He breathed, still staring at the pregnancy tests. "Yeah." You sounded so tired, sad even. Despite his original negative stance on becoming a father, he couldn't help but feel joy. He was going to be the father of your child. He was being given the chance to start a family of his own.

Slowly, he turned towards you, staring down at your stomach. You weren't really showing yet. "Well?" You repeated. Your voice shook, on the verge of tears. Goro didn't respond with words, he just leaned forwards and pushed you into the couch, his arms wrapped around your back and his face pressed into your stomach. He couldn't stop the sob that escaped his lips. He never could've imagined this. Despite his initial fears, he would do his best to be the greatest father that he could be.

Your body shook as you began sobbing as well, one hand gripping the back of his head and the other resting against his back, holding him as he cried.

"I'm going to be a dad?" He cried into your stomach, needing to confirm that this was real. "You're going to be a dad, and an amazing one at that." Your response was so genuine, it made it impossible for him to believe otherwise.

His wish of being loved, of being needed, had really come true.

[obeymebabes]

All That I Know Is Gone (Levi SongFic)

Warning: Angsty af, sad/hurt Levi

Song used: Don’t Fall Asleep At The Helm by Sleeping With Sirens (Linked here)

A/N: This is my first time writing a song fic, as well as in a brother’s POV. I tried to write through Levi’s thoughts and emotions. It is in his POV, and timelined before meeting MC, more or less a few years after his fall from the Celestial Realm, when I believe he would have the most struggle getting a grip on his new life in Devildom.

~ 

I lost my heart, my home is the ocean.

The waves underneath will soon be my home.

I will fall asleep.

I'll close my eyes and dream of days when I wasn't all alone.

Why can’t things go back to the way they used to be years ago? I’ve lost myself. Shut everyone out. Nothing more than just a “stupid otaku” like everyone says. I just want to be free of this nightmare I keep living in. Why am I the only one still suffering?

Me, Leviathan, Avatar of Envy, 3rd born demon brother, and I am nothing but a joke to this family. I will never be as good as my brothers are. I am nothing compared to them. I can’t help but envy them so much. Why am I like this?

The only thing I want now is to fade away, but every time I close my eyes, I relive the nightmares of my suffering. The only comfort I have now is the sea. The only place I know to ease my longing to have a purpose again. The only place to wipe away the darkness for the briefest moment in time. I don’t have to think here, just simply exist. That is all I need.

All that I know is gone

(Take what is left of me now)

All that I know is gone

(Take what is left of me)

Fall deeper and deeper, the sirens are singing your songs.

I can feel it. The emptiness of what used to be. The blank space on my back where my wings were, now replaced with a tail I never asked for. My missing halo, in its place a set of horns unlike any others. I’m so different from the rest. Why am I so different?

I used to be so confident. So happy back then. Now look at me. Encased in envy. Everything I had, stripped away from me to create this empty shell of who I am now. People used to look to me for leadership, now I couldn’t lead anything if the universe depended on it.

The only crutch I have left being anime, a fantasy reality so I don’t have to think about the pain of the loss of this one that I am trapped in. I can still hear it. All of the good times we had together back then. They sing to me. Torturing me. A painful memory to keep me reminded that happiness like that doesn’t come without sadness.

I'll miss my breath, there's no more left.

I'll miss the sound of the wind at my back.

The depths have a number, they call you by name.

Fall asleep, Davy Jones calls you.

So fall asleep, fall asleep and dream.

I am suffocating here. Everyone expects so much from me. I am supposed to be strong. I am the mighty Leviathan, the General Admiral of Hell’s Navy, right? What kind of useless admiral am I? I can’t do anything that my brothers couldn’t do better. 

I used to be so high, so cherished, so loved, so focused on being the best that I could be. That all slipped away. Now here I am, wallowing in the depths of my own personal hell. Drowning in my thoughts, my anxieties, my overwhelming paranoia of not being enough for others and myself. I just want to close my eyes and forget but I can’t. 

I can hear my brothers calling to me, begging me to open up, to talk to them, anything, but I can’t bring myself to leave these walls I’ve built around myself. The confinements that keep me grounded. Who would I be if I left? Will I lose myself and everything else again? I can’t risk it. I have to stay here in this false reality of mine. 

Just relax, close my eyes, and drift into a different dream. A dream where I am the hero, not the loser. A dream where I am not seen as just a failure, but so much more. I don’t want to be trapped here any longer. Someone please help me escape this.

All that I know is gone

(Take what is left of me now)

All that I know is gone

(Take what is left of me)

Fall deeper and deeper, the sirens are singing your songs.

“Levi? Hey! Leviathan!? Wake up! Come on! Dry off! You’re going to be late to the meeting!” 

Looks like my time in here is up. Don’t worry, I will return soon. I can’t live without your comforting waves lulling me out of my thoughts for too long. You always listen to me. Its funny, in a way, you’re just like me, waiting for that emptiness to be discovered by someone special. Maybe one day.

~

[just-a-creep-babe]

Matchup!

Commissioned by @1that-one-person1 Thank you so much bby 😘❣️

Requests are closed

Masterlist: x

I match you with: Stephanie

SFW

Steph has been through a lot

Her world has been shrouded by fear, paranoia, hatred and misery for as long as she can remember

Which is why she’s almost immediately attracted to your calm & quiet demeanor

You seem like such a soft & welcoming safe-haven from the stress that she usually has to deal with

It makes her wanna stick around your side from day one—even if part of her is afraid of dragging you into the mess that is her life

She just can’t resist wanting to be around you tbh

And the more time she spends with you, the more she notices the little things—like how you tend to keep to yourself & you seem a bit shy

But she also notices the way your eyes light up when someone mentions a thing you like

And it’s just so dang endearing; it makes her wanna get to know you a lot better :>

She isn’t exactly super extroverted herself, but she tries her best to chat you up whenever she gets the chance

She specifically tries learning about the nerdy stuff you’re into so that she has something to talk to you with

And she‘s sort of a huge nerd herself, so her interest is pretty genuine ^^

Once she starts getting to know you better, she absolutely adores how kind & funny you are

You go from being this cute ray of sunshine to her best friend that never fails to make her laugh

Her day always seems to get better when you’re around <3

And the little crush she has soon turns into a full-blown I-think-I’m-in-love-with-you-but-I-don’t-want-to-ruin-our-friendship-or-make-you-uncomfortable situation

She becomes terrified that you find out she’s in love with you because she doesn’t wanna lose what y’all have

And the fact that you tend to be naïve sometimes only makes things so much worse because she’s scared of deceiving you

It’s only when one of the guys prolly Jeff talks to her that she finally manages to build up the courage to confess

And she’s so relieved when you reciprocate her affection ^^

She’s also hella nervous too because now she‘s gotta open up & be vulnerable with you

She’s not completely jaded to the world, but like I said, she’s pretty traumatized, so normal things like intimacy up can be a bit difficult sometimes

It helps that you’re so kind & caring though uwu

Homegirl really, really likes you, and she wants to make your first date special, but she isn’t exactly good at that sort of thing

It kinda freaks her out a bit ngl

So Jeff helps her out again

He’s honestly a great wingman lmao

With his support, she sets up plans for a cute movie night with some good food, fairy lights, scented candles & lots of blankets & snacks

By the end of the date, y’all end up stuffed with junk food, listening to music together with your pinkies linked 😚😚

Speaking of, she fucking LOVES music, and because she’s a bit shy at first, she’ll express how she feels through the different songs she shows you

It becomes the way you communicate deeper feelings sometimes, and it’s honestly so cute 🥺🥰

While she is terrified of intimacy at first, she’s also a hopeless romantic

So she gradually becomes more comfortable with the whole dating thing over time

She sets up the cutest activities for you to do together

Including, but not limited to; stargazing, going to planetariums, petting zoos, aquariums, museums, art galleries & a BUNCH of other places

She likes art as well, so whenever you get the urge to doodle, she’s right there with ya ;)

You end up working together on bigger pieces and they look ✨bomb af✨

She can’t animate, but watching you work your magic makes her wanna try it out

She’ll be eternally grateful if you teach her, and she’s a great student, too—she’s a super fast learner :D

She’s also dabbled a bit in cosplay, but she’s a bit shy about it

So seeing you so open & enthusiastic about it is sUch a confidence boost :>

She’ll shyly try it out with you again—and she gets all cute & flustered when you compliment her outfit, it’s super adorable 💞💕

Still, she tends to prefer sticking to the sidelines & helping you out with your costume though

And she’s a relatively good seamstress, too, so she can take care of any outfit modifications needed uwu

Because she’s sort of a dork, she’ll go with you to conventions too—no doubt about it ;)

~Loves~ buying art & cute trinkets as souvenirs, so expect to come back w lots of merch lmao

And she almost always ends up buying you some kind of cute plushie, just cause she can 😌💖

She thinks you’re an amazing person with a heart of gold—which is why she hates it when anyone makes fun of you or tries to roast you

She’s not super confrontational, so she won’t jump in & snap at them, but she’ll definitely give em “a look” & be super passive-aggressive with them

She’ll get you out of any uncomfortable situations as fast as she can, and then she’ll do anything to reassure you and/or distract you

Because of everything that’s happened in her life, she hates hospitals, but she’ll still go with you to appointments/check-ups because she wants to give you her full support

And she also does her best to keep up with any medical info she might need—so if some kind of emergency happens, she’ll know what to do

She’s on & off medication, so if you have to take some as well, you’ll always end up reminding one another to take 👏them 👏meds👏

Honestly, while she does still have her bad days, having you by her side makes everything so much better

She’s eternally grateful to have met you <3

NSFW

Homegirl isn’t the most dominant person in bed tbh

She’s sort of a switch, leaning towards bottoming or being a power bottom

So the first few times you’re together, it ends up being that meme

You know the one… yeah, that one

But just like how she learns to be more vulnerable over time, she also learns to enjoy topping a lot more~

You just look so cute & endearing beneath her, how could she not want to take control & make you feel good, y’know?

She’s relatively vanilla, but also down to try some BDSM stuff

Wouldn’t mind tying you up & teasing you until you just can’t take any more~

Like, despite being vanilla, if there’s one thing this girl loves, it’s being a tease

She adores how desperate you grow under her touch while beg because you’re just so needy

She’s a bit iffy when it comes to degrading you, but she’ll definitely praise you a whole lot

Loves worshipping your curves with her hands & mouth while murmuring how soft & sweet & perfect you are

Overall, she really just wants to make ya feel good

Sex is how she enjoys showing her love & dedication to you, so she always tries to make it as enjoyable as she can

Things always end up super steamy & sensual

But she also likes being goofy sometimes, so there‘s never too much pressure or anything ^^

On special occasions (or just when she’s feeling a lil frisky ;)) she’ll dress up in cute lingerie

And she’ll absolutely love it if you do too~

Definitely be ready for a bunch of compliments—especially if you get flustered easily ;3

She enjoys being a bit risqué when it comes to teasing you in public 👀

And if she’s not there to do it in person, she’ll send nudes instead ;)

She sends some lewd ass pics when she knows you’re in the middle of something or surrounded by other people, just to get you all riled up :p

It’s not fair—and she knows & loves it~ >:)

She always wants you to be happy & comfortable though, so she won’t do it if you tell her not to

Your comfort has ultimate priority over anything else

Which also means y’all have a bunch of established safewords—just in case

Overall?

Loving & caring gf

You’re at the center of her attention during sex; she does whatever it takes for you to have an enjoyable experiences

Please cherish her & return her affection cause she’s been through a lot & deserves it too :”)

[highladyluck]

Fortuona Athaem Devi Paendrag playlist

Direct link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KLghlM9nCF1WLKBNoLt5z?si=b1e1d244810e4ae9

26 songs, 1 hr 23 min. A character playlist for Tuon Athaem Kore Paendrag, aka the High Lady, aka the Daughter of the Nine Moons, aka “Precious” but only if you’re Mat Cauthon, aka Fortuona Athaem Devi Paendrag, aka the Empress of Seanchan.

She’s a fascinating mixture of good and evil, person and tool, sympathetic and unsympathetic by turns. I tried to capture that in this playlist, which is organized roughly chronologically by her personal timeline.

There are spoilers in the playlist and commentary for Winter's Heart through A Memory of Light, since this is meant to mirror the narrative.

Track List:

1.      Second Child, Restless Child – The Oh Hellos

2.      Game of Survival – Ruelle

3.      Sit Still, Look Pretty – Daya

4.      When I Rule The World – LIZ

5.      Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival

6.      The Thief and the Moon – Shawn James

7.      Pomegranate Seeds – Julian Moon

8.      Zebra – The Magnetic Fields

9.      Jolene – Dolly Parton

10.   Maybe, This Time – OK Go

11.   Big Guns – Ruelle

12.   Fascinated – Ivy

13.   The Bullpen – Dessa

14.   Pretty Little Head – Eliza Rickman

15.   Greek God – Conan Gray

16.   Emperor’s New Clothes – Panic! At The Disco

17.   Rat Queen – The Mountain Goats

18.   Carmina Burana: O Fortuna – Carl Orff

19.   you should see me in a crown – Billie Eilish

20.   Muse with a Dagger – Taylor Castro

21.   Please Don’t Say You Love Me – Gabrielle Aplin

22.   Daisy – Ashnikko

23.   Mother’s Daughter – Miley Cyrus

24.   I Walk The Line – Halsey

25.   Glory and Gore – Lorde

26.   Trouble – Stripped – Halsey

Commentary and lyrics underneath the cut. Listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KLghlM9nCF1WLKBNoLt5z?si=b1e1d244810e4ae9

1)      Second Child, Restless Child – The Oh Hellos

See, I was born the second child With a spirit running wild, running free

The Empress’s second child, the only one who goes across the ocean.

2)      Game of Survival – Ruelle

Are we the hunters? Or are we the prey?

"Keep this doll to remind you that I will always hear you if you say my name. If I am still alive, of course."

3)      Sit Still, Look Pretty – Daya

Oh, I don't know what you've been told But this girl right here's gonna rule the world Yeah, that's where I'm gonna be because I wanna be No, I don't wanna sit still, look pretty

Tuon wishes she looked more intimidating, and threw a full-blown temper tantrum when she was told who she’d have to marry.

4)      When I Rule The World – LIZ

When I rule the world, then I'm gonna make you sweat Dog collar 'round your neck, on your knees and scrub the deck

I promise I didn't forget about the sul'dam thing. This should be as jarring as her initial POV in Winter's Heart is.

5)      Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival

I see the bad moon a-rising I see trouble on the way I see earthquakes and lightnin' I see bad times today

Such a good “Seanchan invade Ebou Dar” song! I definitely stole this from someone else’s Mat playlist, but I don’t think it’s on 8tracks anymore.

6)      The Thief and the Moon – Shawn James

Said the Thief to the Moon "I'll extinguish your light soon I'll put an end to all the light that you shed On this world in its darkened state"

I can imagine this as a Seanchan myth; covers Tuon's opinion on her prophecy & getting kidnapped.

7)      Pomegranate Seeds – Julian Moon

Kore, Kore, fauna and flora How did you get your throne? (Hey!) You made a deal You traded daffodils For a kingdom of ash and bone

Had to sneak in a reference to Tuon's middle name. Tuon's POV on her bargain with Mat.

8)      Zebra – The Magnetic Fields

so there's one thing I crave when my days become ho-hum and blah I want a zebra

Took this from my Mat/Tuon book playlist because it is truly the funniest song on there. It's a zebra in our hearts!

9)      Jolene – Dolly Parton

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I'm begging of you please don't take my man

This is very tongue-in-cheek, but at the same time, if you pay attention you can see that Tuon's particularly annoyed by/threatened by Joline Maza.

10)   Maybe, This Time – OK Go

So listen, I'm not trying to prove anything at all here But don't you think that maybe, this time, you were wrong?

Mat to Tuon after confiscating the a'dam from her.

11)   Big Guns – Ruelle

Every little move is fixed Like a game of chess The blood on your hands is thick And you're placing bets Can't hide in the den of lions

A really perfect song for Tuon's 'lion on the high plains' realization; I know technically Mat doesn't have cannon or grenades yet, but shhhh, the rapid-fire crossbows are more or less machine guns. Let me have this. Call it foreshadowing if you must.

12)   Fascinated – Ivy

Never turned out like we talked about Never could tell how to read your mind Never found out what you're all about In this lifetime, baby, you will be mine

Tuon's POV on the marriage ceremony.

13)   The Bullpen – Dessa

Forget the bull in the china shop There's a china doll in the bullpen

Returning to Ebou Dar to kick ass and take heads. This was the song that made me create this playlist, because of "china doll in the bullpen," which is such a great description of Tuon.

14)   Pretty Little Head – Eliza Rickman

Catch yourself a looker, let him go, go, go Wanna have your baby, but I'm so, so slow

Tuon misses Mat, but don’t you dare breathe a word about it. Besides, it’s just business.

15)   Greek God – Conan Gray

And since you always swear that you wanted me gone Then why don't you go get your gun? 'Cause you don't really hate me (You're a little baby) You don't wanna end me (You wanna befriend me)

The Tuon vs Rand confrontation (take two, where Tuon's actually there.) Rand has quite enough confidence, really, but most of the song really works.

16)   Emperor’s New Clothes – Panic! At The Disco

Welcome to the end of eras Ice has melted back to life Done my time and served my sentence Dress me up and watch me die

Declaring herself Empress after meeting with Rand.

17)   Rat Queen – The Mountain Goats

We who have never once tasted The stench of defeat Victory sweet as the dregs of the fast food dumpster Look how they jump when we show up Like they've just seen a monster

H/T to @anyboli, who first suggested this to me as a Tuon song. This is a good soundtrack to planning the raid on the White Tower…

18)   Carmina Burana: O Fortuna – Carl Orff

O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable[…]

I literally cannot imagine a Tuon playlist without this song. It’s White Tower raid time!

19)   you should see me in a crown – Billie Eilish

Count my cards, watch them fall Blood on a marble wall I like the way they all Scream

Yeah, this was inevitable too. I’m using it for that absolutely horrifying POV of hers where she's in the damane training room and decides it's time to plan a full-out attack on the White Tower.

20)   Muse with a Dagger – Taylor Castro

You're making fun of my people Pretend I don't hear you Cause I won't forgive myself For fueling or burning you

Tuon's thoughts on Mat in the garden. This didn't lean as as far into the dagger/knife imagery as I'd hoped for- remember, this is the blog that insists Athaem means Magic Dagger Curse- but it seemed so strangely apt for the two of them that I had to include it.

21)   Please Don’t Say You Love Me – Gabrielle Aplin

There's no need to worry when You see just where we're at Just please don't say you love me Cause I might not say it back

Her conversation with Mat in the garden.

22)   Daisy – Ashnikko

Respect a bitch, I'm a maverick Flexible, so elastic But don't you dare bend a bitch backwards

This is what you married, Mat. (The Mat POV version of this character sketch is probably Cake's Short Skirt Long Jacket.) I will not apologize for the number of #girlboss songs on this playlist.

23)   Mother’s Daughter – Miley Cyrus

Oh my gosh, she got the power Oh, look at her, she got the power So, so, so Don't fuck with my freedom I came up to get me some

The confrontation with Egwene. I see this as mostly Egwene's POV, with Tuon doing a sort of echo, the way she does in the original scene. They are fascinatingly alike here, and the way Egwene controls the scene and gets in Tuon's head- when that's Tuon's signature strategy- is amazing.

24)   I Walk The Line – Halsey

You've got a way to keep me on your side You give me cause for love that I can't hide For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide

Tuon admitting that her heart tells her to return to save Mat (and the armies of the Light).

25)   Glory and Gore – Lorde

Glory and gore go hand in hand That's why we're makin' headlines (Oh! Oh!) You could try and take us (Oh! Oh!) But victory's contagious

The Seanchan army comes back for the kill.

26)   Trouble – Stripped – Halsey

Don't forget me, don't forget me I wouldn't leave you if you'd let me Hmm, when you met me when you met me You told me you were gonna get me

Death threats are just their deranged way of flirting; if Tuon wanted Mat dead she wouldn't warn him, you know? And in that final scene with the fireworks Tuon's telling Mat that she wants him around, and he understands it as such.

[rkorlov]

Harmonies (JATP fanfic) Part 2

{1st chapter.} {Wattpad link.}

Summary: Julie and the Phantoms get a proposal that’s huge. In the meantime, Julie has to deal with Carlos knowing about the boys.

Word count: 1936

                                        Chapter 2, Brand New

Flynn approached Julie in the hallway, the girl had a huge smile and was letting no one forget Julie and the Phantoms had played the Orpheum. It had been a couple nights, people still congratulated her when they saw her and whispered big things were coming their way. Julie wasn’t sure of anything, she was far more concerned about the boys now, she didn’t know if Caleb was coming back, the boys had no idea what their unfinished business could be and deep down, she was sure she didn’t want to say goodbye to them. Not now, not after she started playing again, after she enjoyed herself on stage and had a great time. Not now that she felt genuinely happy.

“Let me guess, you were lost into smiley land and that’s why you weren’t picking up your phone last night.”

“Luke and I were writing a song and after that I had dinner and went straight to bed. I saw your message first thing.”

“Uuuh, so we’re gonna have new music.” Flynn said, excited. Julie hated to disappoint her in that moment.

“I don’t think we will be singing this one… it’s quite personal for both of us.”

Flynn shook her head, and leaning on the lockers, looked at Julie. “Oh boy, no way of saving you from this one, is there? Writing love songs pretty much seals your fate.” She got close for an inch and made sure no one else heard. “What about Nick and the flowers?”

“He knows I like someone else, the flowers were just because he enjoyed the show. As long as he can’t tell is Luke who I like, then it’s alright.”

“Oh girl, we’re past from that, everyone can tell it’s him. Actually, you’re so lucky people can only see him when you’re singing because otherwise you’d be selling yourselves over.” She shrugged. “I’m still so surprised you’ve got no problem sharing those looks while your dad’s on the audience.”

Julie fell in complete silence and felt how her heart was in panic. She forgot about the rest of the world when that happened, no question why her father wanted to meet the boys. No wonder why he spent the weekend asking for the boy with the guitar. She was thankful none of the boys were around while that conversation happened. It’s safe to say it was uncomfortable, but Julie hadn’t thought of the fact that maybe everyone could see the same she saw.

“Maybe we do have to tone it down a little, huh?” Out the corner of her eye, Julie thought she was hallucinating.

Carrie walked towards them, for the first time she was all alone, displaying a smile on her face. A smile directed at them? Maybe that was the day of reckoning and everyone needed to get their apocalypse gear out, right? There was no other explanation.

“Julie! Right the person I was looking for.” She looked at Carrie with furrowed eyebrows and pointed at herself with a twitch of her lip. Since when that was a thing that happened? “Yes you, my father is putting up a show, we saw you the other night at the Orpheum, and he wanted to invite you and your Phantoms to perform. Dirty Candy is gonna be there, too.”

“Oh, that’s…” she was at a loss for words. “That’s very kind of your dad. I…”

“You’re gonna think about it?”

“Sure thing, I’ll let you know.” Carrie walked away and Flynn turned towards Julie with enough of a surprised expression to last for a day. “What just happened?”

“You tell me! Since when is Carrie… nice?”

But that was not what Julie had in mind. What she thought about was Carrie’s dad being in the audience of the Orpheum. Trevor, Trevor Wilson, the guy she thought introduced her to rock. The guy who used Sunset Curve’s songs, Luke’s lyrics, was at the audience of the Orpheum. He saw them perform and what if… what if he recognized the boys? There was no way he didn’t recognize his old bandmates.

“We may have a bigger problem than Carrie being nice!”

A quiet sound of guitar riffs came from the studio. Julie opened the door to see Alex at the drums, Reggie standing beside him tuning in his bass and Luke, playing chords on his guitar while he lay on the couch.  She thought during the entire day how to break the news to them, coming to the conclusion there wasn’t really a good way of doing so. The boys would freak out the moment she opened her mouth.

“Hey, guys… so, I kinda have good and not so good news.”

“Let me guess, let me guess!” Reggie said. “You were bringing us pizza but then you remembered we can’t eat.”

Julie chuckled and shook her head. “Not exactly. The good news is we have a gig opportunity…”

Luke didn’t let her finish. He jumped on his feet and walked to her. “That’s amazing news, we’re so ready for it. When is it?” A happiness she hated to let down.

“Let me give you the complete information first…” she held up a finger towards Luke. He stared down at her signalling for her to continue. “Carrie’s dad was at the show at Orpheum, seems like he liked our music so he’s inviting us to a show he’s throwing.”

“You mean BOBBY?” Luke blurted out, as if Julie had managed to insult him deep.  She nodded. Luke turned towards the boys and shook his head. “No way, we’re not going.”

“I don’t know, it could be a great opportunity…” Alex threw, shrugging.

“He stole our songs and never gave us any credit. Why would we perform at a show with him?” Luke gestured with his hands, letting down his guitar. Julie had learnt to recognize pretty fast when he was upset, physically he was impossible not to read.

“That’s not the bad news, though.” She said, calling for Luke’s attention. Maybe making him pay attention would help. “He’s the only person from your past that saw you and what if he recognized you, guys? What if he has something to say and this is a great moment to say something.”

“We can totally try and talk to him.” Reggie suggested.

“Exactly how, genius? The only person who can see us is Julie.” Luke let out, dropping his weight on the couch. “It’s not like we can call him out while we’re performing.”

“No but if the moment presents itself, I can totally vouch for you,” she said. “Carrie and I used to be friends, her dad knows me, he’ll… he’ll listen.”

Alex put down his drumsticks. “I say we go, we need some answers.”

“I’m with Alex, we can’t really hold onto anger forever.” Reggie said with a side smile and a shrug. “What do you say, Luke?”

He didn’t say a thing. A frown took over his whole expression. It only softened when Julie shifted his way; she tried to convince him with a gesture, a silent talk between them begging him please to consider it. The boys were angry at Bobby, they had enough reasons to be, but they still had to let go so they could keep moving forward, it was the best they could do. Luke finally gave in and nodded to Julie. She smiled and was about to approach him when she heard Carlos’ voice from behind.

“So… how are the guys doing?”

“Huh?” She turned around. Her brother was leaning against the door, looking past Julie. “What guys?”

“The ones you were talking with.”

“I… I wasn’t talking with anyone,” she played dumb. “There’s no one else in here.”

“I figured you were gonna say that but,” the boy said, taking out from his pocket a picture taken straight out of Sunset Curve’s demo album. Julie looked at it and let out a deep breath. Busted, totally busted. “Don’t they look familiar?”

“You gotta give it to him, he’s thorough in his research,” Reggie let out, the boys giving him a look. “What? He is.”

Luke stood up and walked next to Julie. “He’s not gonna tell anyone, is he?”

Julie looked up at him and shrugged. Her brother wasn’t nosey and he always tried to help her so she trusted him to keep it all in. “We can keep this a secret, right? No telling dad.”

Carlos took a hand to his chin and made a thoughtful grin. “We can but you’re gonna have to answer some ghostly doubts first.”

After giving Carlos the 101 guide on how to deal with ghosts, exchange that ended on him disappointed of not actually being able to interact with the boys, Julie went out searching for Luke; who had vanished from the studio and hadn’t come back for more than an hour. She wanted to make sure he wasn’t changing his mind, or freaking out about it. It was enough of a sensitive topic for him, Bobby stole his lyrics after all and music for Luke was the biggest expression of his soul. Knowing someone else, a friend, had taken his lyrics and sang them as their own and never even remembered his name while doing so was hurtful.

Bouncing a basketball and throwing it to the ring for it to bounce back and start again, she found him. Focused on his movements as if he were playing guitar, he bounced the ball once again before seeing her and stopping it mid-air.

“Hey!” He said, eyes glued on her, something Julie wasn’t sure how to take in. his eyes were always so full of the world. “Everything’s alright with your brother?”

“Yeah, he’s… he’s only bummed he can’t actually talk and hang out with ghosts but he won’t tell.” She played with her hands in her pockets and finally decided to speak. “How are you, though? I know the idea of doing this is big, playing in a show for Bobby after all that happened…”

“It’s…” he shrugged. “Ever since I found out he stole our songs I’ve been really angry and I know, I know we gotta let go of the past but there are some things that just linger. I mean, I like our music now more than ever, singing with you is the best… it’s just that…”

“He stole a part of you.”

Luke nodded. “But I’m on board with the boys; the best for us is to move on. Focus on here, what we have is pretty great…” he said, closing in the space between them. His bright eyes changed it all for her, every time, and now they were so sincere. Julie couldn’t emphasize enough how she loved playing with the boys, how much happier she felt since they showed up, how grateful she was with her mom for sending them her way. She needed them as much as they needed her. And now knowing how all Luke made her feel was too good, with its own stones to stumble in but good. “I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” Neither would she.

Luke offered his hand, intertwining her fingers with his she took him, closing in the rest of the space between them. Forehead to forehead, she closed her eyes as she let the feeling spread through her body. The gleefulness of being able to connect with him that way was homely, like landing on a safe place and being held by the right arms. Not even a thought of the impossibilities of their relationship could break how she managed to feel in that moment. Infinite, full of peace. Brand new.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello! Once again, I’m putting in the tags the people who have interected with the previous post and who want to be tagged. Thank you so much for reading and remember you can drop prompts for the fic, whatever you’d like to see I’d be really happy to play out. My ask box is always open, either for this fic or one shots.

Tags: @cordeliapeters @leahthewonder @a-chaotic-ananas @just-henny @helookedupgrinninglikeadevil @oliveswiftly @sammy-stan @sweetlikecherry-wine @lmaohuh @fantomgirlonsonthin @laughswaytoomuch @loveyatopluto @sammi36 @artemiscrock913

Thanks again for reading, it means the world!

[tsrookie]

Alright, so today’s the three-year anniversary of Reputation a.k.a the greatest album of all time, my baby, the light of my life, the album that deserved a Grammy (trying desperately not to think about the scene from Miss Americana😭), the album that introduced us to the most beautiful couple ever, the album that shut Kimye up, and I better stop now, or else I’m not gonna shut up.

So in honour of this momentous occasion (and the fact that I reached 200+ followers! Thank you so much you guys!🥺 Love you all 3000💙), here’s a loooooong post on why Reputation is the Ethan and MC album.

1. ...Ready For It?

No one has to know

Throwback to MC saying the exact same words back in Miami.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

You should see the things we do, baby, mmm

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

I know I'm gonna be with you

So I take my time

Remember back when MC asked for Ethan to get into bed right away during their first time? Ethan told them that he had dreamt about the moment for months, so he wasn’t going to rush it.

2. End Game

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me would be a big conversation

These two dating would be the talk of the hospital, and they know it.

Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long

And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song

For all your beautiful traits, and the way you do it with ease

For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

Think these lines are pretty self-explanatory😌

I hit you like bang

We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't

*gets war flashbacks of the ‘reset’ phase*😭 They tried to make it work, but we all know how Ch 8 of book 2 went😌

I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

Perfect for our chaotic MC😌

3. Don’t Blame Me

Do I... really have to explain this one?

For you, I would cross the line

I would waste my time

I would lose my mind

They say she's gone too far this time

Do we need a recap of our rule-breaking MC?

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away

I'd beg you on my knees to stay

He was willing to risk his (mostly) rule-abiding reputation for being with MC. And there’s no way he wouldn’t beg for MC not to leave him if he ever screwed up🤷‍♀️

4. Delicate

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Ethan stood by MC’s side throughout the Ethics hearing, when her reputation was completely smeared, and people only saw her as a patient murderer. He didn’t know about the sabotages, but he would’ve definitely supported her if he had known.

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

Commitment-phobia🙃

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time

They spent so much of time apart, not able to be with each other, so the least they could do was dream of being with each other all the time.

5. So It Goes (an underrated af bop)

What can I say... it’s a sex song, okay? Don’t make me go into the details😂 Just listen to the lyrics, and all will be clear.

6. Gorgeous (Tumblr won’t let me put any more links)

MC’s eternal anthem to Ethan.

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine

You've ruined my life, by not being mine

We all know Ethan loves Whiskey, and the second line? C’mon!

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But, what can I say?

You're gorgeous

Ethan Ramsey is famous for two reasons. One: his smart brain, I guess😒 Two: HIS LOOKS!!! HE’S GORGEOUS, AND DON’T DENY IT.

And you should think about the consequence

Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)

Ah, the olden days of hand holding in the diagnostics office🥺

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

No explanation required.

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah

There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

The wonderful will-they-won’t-they saga. The frustrating hot-and-cold behaviour. The ‘We can’t’, ‘It’s unethical’ and ‘It’s complicated’. MC deserves an award for her patience😓

7. King Of My Heart

I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own

I made up on my mind, I'm better off bein' alone

Ethan ‘I don’t believe in soulmates and nobody’s waiting at home’ Ramsey.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

This could be from both Ethan and MC’s perspectives. The love they share isn’t something that you get easily. It’s something that MC has waited for her whole life, and something Ethan never knew he needed, but now can’t live without����

Late in the night, the city's asleep

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Change my priorities

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

This was definitely Ethan throughout book 2, after he finally gave in. He let go of his previous rules and regulations, especially during the time of the attack. He was clearly affected, and once MC was alright, his main priority was her, and her alone.

Is the end of all the endings?

My broken bones are mending

With all these nights we're spending

Ethan’s been burnt a lot in the past. But all those wounds are now healing thanks to MC.

Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

They act like lovesick teenagers around each other, like, that’s literally their description if you choose to kiss Ethan for the first time in Chapter 14 of book 2!😅

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Baby, all at once, this is enough

We all know about his initial fear of his mother reaching out to him for the sake of his money. To him, MC not talking advantage of him is a pretty big deal, even though it’s never mentioned. You just know, you know?🥺

8. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

My, my love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Again, Ethan doesn’t have the best experience with love. But MC changed that.

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

This could go both ways, cause they’re both piping hot messes😬 (but love each other anyway🥺)

The rest of this song could have made so much more sense for them if we had gotten some sort of a secret relationship storyline. But oh well, I’m definitely not complaining about the gala😌 (and definitely not believing any of the supposed cancelled storylines)

9. Dress

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

I mean... pretty obvious😌

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

This is practically Ethan’s train of thought, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

As for the rest of the steamier lyrics... I’ll um... let you guys listen to it yourselves😁

10. Call It What You Want

I wrote an entire fic inspired by this song, so excuse me for the shameless self-promo, but go give it a read?🥺👉👈(totally fine if you don’t! I’ve probably made so many posts about this song that y’all know the meaning anyway😅)

11. New Years Day

Don't read the last page

But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

MC has always stayed by Ethan’s side, even when he’s pushed her away. These lines perfectly explain how she wants his worst times, and his best, the midnights they spend staying up together, and the moments where it’s just the two of them, when everyone else has left, like the aftermath of a New Years party (still mad at the fact that we didn’t get to see the gang celebrate New Year together😭)

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

The above explanation for these lines as well.

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

Becoming strangers to each other would be their worst nightmares. Knowing that the other was out there in the world somewhere, but not being in their lives would kill them.

You and me forevermore

These two are each other’s soulmate, they know it, even if they haven’t said it yet. Forever wouldn’t be enough for them to shower each other with they love they hold for each other. But it’s a good start.

——————————

If you guys made it this far, then I honestly love you more than words can ever express🥺💙 Thanks for putting up with my Swiftie-Directioner-Ethan stan ass, cause I dunno if I’d ever be able to handle someone like myself. And if you read all the above stuff, then I hope you wanna know why this album means so much to me.

Reputation is perceived as a dark album, when in reality it’s truly about finding love amongst all the noise. This album, and Taylor and Joe’s story, taught me what true love actually is, and Ethan and MC cemented that. This album and these two couples (quite literally) saved my life.

The most beautiful part about both these relationships is that even though they never showed it openly, for the sake of their relationships, both Ethan(in the story) and Joe stood by the side of the one’s they loved, despite half of the people who they knew hating on them, or betraying them. And I think that’s what’s truly important. Forming a true relationship like that, be it platonic or romantic, is long lasting, and I hope everyone finds those kind of people to fill their hearts with. Sending much love, and sorry for being a huge sap😅💙

Tagging a couple of my Swiftie homies: @swiftlydarcy @nikki-2406 @dxnicaramsey @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @drariellevalentine @justanotherrookie

[helloprettybb]

we belong together

I’m back from the blackout! I started a crap ton of fics, but didn’t have ambition to fully fledge them out. I suggest listening to Ritchie Valens’ We Belong Together because it’s such a vibe. Also, I love 50s music and it’s just so Steve so there’s going to be a lot of 50s song fics. Reader is over 18, but young so like early 20s. I’ll write a part two if that’s something you’d want.

warnings- age gap sorta, angst

word count- 2.1k

You’re mine And we belong together Yes, we belong together For eternity

Steve steps through the doorway of the common room. He hears music coming from the kitchen and if he stretches his ears, he can hear a faint humming. The voice is soft and pretty, yet familiar. He feels very disoriented, but before he could dive into that feeling, something in him makes him venture into the kitchen to investigate the sound.

He enters the kitchen and sees you dancing. It’s an interesting sight, to say the least. Your back is to him and the dress, which dips down to right above your waist, is the same dress you wore at your first gala with the team. The blue and silver sparkles shimmer down your body as the kitchen lights shine against the bodice. The dress shows every curve of your body and Steve may or may not be blatantly staring. You look as beautiful as you did the night of the gala. Steve looks down at his plain t-shirt and slacks in slight embarrassment. 

Almost as if you sensed his presence, you turn around. Beaming happily, you greet him, “Hello, love.”

Love? Something doesn’t feel right, but Steve can’t deny the fluttering in his chest when you call him that. You step closer to him and grab his hands. He doesn’t resist and you ask, “You alright, my dear?”

“Uh, yeah, I think,” Steve replies unsurely. You move his hands to your waist and Steve can’t help but lightly stroke his fingers up and down the bodice. The jewels are slightly rough and he years to feel the soft skin underneath. 

Wait, what is happening? This isn’t normal ,and something is definitely off. As if you could sense his uneasiness, you look up at him innocently and ask, “Do you love me, Stevie?”

Steve’s hands freeze at your waist. Of course, he loves you. But it feels like he shouldn’t say it back, so he asks, “Uh, doll? What’s going on?”

You brush his question off with a laugh, “Nothing, honey.” Caressing your hands over his chest, you lean closer to him and ask, “Do you love me?”

Steve doesn’t know why you keep insisting that he says that. He looks deeper into your eyes and he notices a detail that makes him tense up. Their usual liveliness and amusement are gone and look almost dead. You notice the displeasure on his face and question, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you could never do anything wrong,” he responds, releasing you from his hands and leaning back on the counter. Maybe if he separates from you, he could clear his mind.

“Why don’t you love me?” you exclaim out of agony. You bury your head into his chest and start to cry. Steve instinctively wraps his arms around you. He doesn’t know what to do and his uncertainty is replaced with panic.

Stroking your hair, he frantically says, “I love you, Y/n. I promise, I do!” You calm down immediately and Steve’s uneasiness returns. 

Looking up at him, you command, “Kiss me.”

“What?” Steve asks.

“Kiss me, Steve. Please,” you beg, watery eyes big and wild. Steve stutters, not knowing what to say or do. Before he could form a real sentence, you surge forward and connect your lips rather forcefully. Steve is taken aback, but his body takes control and his hand snakes up to your cheek. The kiss is beyond compare, which is the problem. Everything is almost too perfect

Your lips are too soft for someone who constantly forgets to put on chapstick. Your hair perfectly frames your face, but Steve knows there are numerous baby hairs that fall near your eyebrows. The final nail in the coffin is your skin. It’s smooth and even everywhere, but it’s wrong. You have a scar from a four-inch dagger on your shoulder, there’s a dimple on your collarbone and an indent on your right arm. Whoever made this simulation was close, but not good enough.

The two of you pull apart and the fake you smiles. Steve knows that whatever he says to you will never see the light of day. “I love you,” he says one last time before his world disappears.

“You okay, Cap?” he hears over the com. Steve looks around and remembers where he is. Clint strolls over to him and helps Steve to his feet. 

He quickly avoids any questioning by responding, “Yes,” He asks to divert attention, “Where are the others?” Clint briefs Steve on everyone’s situation. They all hang their heads low as they head to the plane.

Almost everyone got hit, but Steve felt shame. Everyone thought it was because Ultron and the kids defeated them and managed to get away, but it wasn’t that. He’d never tell anyone the real reason why he was so affected by the witch’s mind games. Sulking in the quin jet, Steve sits in the corner and reflects on the dream. 

He started with the easy ones. You were wearing the dress because that was the night of your first gala and unbeknownst to you, the night Steve fell head over heels for you.

“How do I look?” Steve hears behind him. He turns to see you walking down the stairs toward him. He probably looks like an idiot with his jaw to the floor, but at the moment, he didn’t care. 

He’s seen you in formalwear for undercover missions, but this is the first time you’re wearing a dress that doesn’t have a weapon hidden, or at least, it shouldn’t. Whoever picked it out should be given a raise because you look absolutely radiant. 

Starting from the floor up, your high heels raise you a couple inches, but not enough to be eye level with him. The skirt skids the floor slightly, but Steve’s more distracted by the slit on the left side that leaves your thigh exposed and directly leads up to your-

“You never answered my question, doofus.” you jest. Steve was too busy ogling you to even realize you were already down the stairs, let alone answer your question.

Steve clears his throat and replies, “You look great.” He feels like such a chump. He mentally curses himself for not thinking of a better compliment, but you seem satisfied, laughing heartily. Maybe it’s because you had a more modest wardrobe, but when Steve looked down at the intricate beading and glittering jewels, he got caught at your chest. He instantly felt disgusted that he’d think such unsavory thoughts about you, but he can’t help it. And if your perfect cleavage wasn’t enough, the fact that the entire dress was only held up by skinny straps made Steve feel both ashamed and lustful.

You break his immodest train of thought off when you link your arm in his and ask, “Ready to go?”

The dress was easy, but Steve also remembered that you called him an odd variation of names. Never in real life has he heard you call him Stevie, let alone love or my dear. Maybe it was your affinity for old movies and what you called their “old-fashioned pet names.” To Steve, they were normal, but he’d never tell you that at risk of aging himself even more.

But why were you so insistent on him saying he loved you? 

“I’ve never said I love you.” You confess. It’s just the two of you since the rest of the team has plans. It’s still movie night, so you asked Steve if he still wanted to do it. He readily accepted, but in hindsight, realized it wasn’t the best idea. The first bad idea of the night was when he let you choose the movie. You picked a soppy vintage romantic movie about some girl wanting something and some guy wanting something else. Steve didn’t really remember the details and even if he wanted to, he couldn’t because of the second bad idea. Instead of grabbing two separate blankets, you chose a giant one that could cover the both of you. Steve ended up taking 90% of it while you were left with hardly anything. Your solution was to curl up in a ball and nestle up next to Steve’s side. Your small body against his made concentrating on the movie impossible causing Steve to turn his focus to someone else. 

“Really?” Steve asks, glad to break the forty-minute silence. 

Shaking your head, you reply, “Nope. My parents weren’t very affectionate so I never felt the need to say it.”

“Well, friends can say I love you.” Steve reasons, hoping he wasn’t sounding too desperate.

You shrug, “I guess, but I feel like, at this point, it’d have to be special for me to say it.” Picking at the kernels in the popcorn bowl that the two of you shared, you say, “I just don’t get how people can say it so easily.” Gesturing to the TV, you add, “Like this woman just met him two days ago, yet she already said she loved him.”

“Well, some people just know.” Steve responds. He looks down and sees you staring up at him innocently. Maybe it’s the wide, gentle look in your eyes, but it feels like his heart fills with words and spur him on to ramble, “Y’know, like soulmates.” You nod and Steve feels your head lower to his chest. 

He continues, “Of course, you should get to know the person a little bit, but sometimes it doesn’t take much. They already know that they want to spend eternity with them. They just belong together and would swear by everything they own that they are each others’. They know that they’d do anything for them and never let any harm come to them. They’d just hold them in their arms and protect them from the world.” 

Steve pauses and regains himself. He doesn’t know where all that came from and just how much he revealed during it. But then he hears the rhythmic breathing beneath him. Looking down, he sees that your eyes are closed and mouth is slightly open. Fast asleep, you’re still holding onto him and Steve can’t help but smile as he turns the television off and holds you a little closer.

The night that could have been.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a figure stand up and move toward him. He doesn’t even need to look up to know it’s you, but your voice confirms it. “Hey, did you get hit, too?” Steve nods and you ask, “Do you know why we saw those visions?”

“No clue, but my guess is that they tried to tear the team apart.” Steve responds thoughtfully.

You ask, “Well, did it work?” Steve looks around at the jet and sees the atmosphere that the witch’s mind games created. Natasha’s in one corner, twirling a knife around while Clint tries to talk to her. Tony’s hidden in the cockpit, even though he could just set the plane to autopilot. Thor looks like he’s deep in thought as he paces back and forth the longest part of the plane.

You take his silence as an answer and say unprompted, “I saw my parents.” Steve’s eyes turn back to you and he sees you slump a little lower, “They were telling me I was a disappointment and would never amount to anything.” He can tell that you’re still a little shaken up.

“I’m sorry.” Steve responds, not knowing how to make anything better, especially after his dream about you.

“It’s okay. Just shows me that I still haven’t gotten over them.” you admit a little sadly. Changing the subject, you ask, “What’d you see?”

Steve can’t tell you the truth, can he? If he does, he doesn’t know what you’d say. You could be disgusted and never speak to him ever again. You’d probably hate him for having a perverted crush on you.

And even if you did reciprocate your feelings, what would the team think? They already call him The Man Out of Time and half-heartedly joke that he’s a senior citizen. He knows they’re just joking, but every joke has a little truth in it, right? They’d probably shun him for being a creepy old man, preying on a younger girl.

Lately, some of the jokes have been geared toward you and how it seems you’ve become his caretaker for how much time you spend with him. No, even if there was a chance, he couldn’t risk damaging your reputation

With all those thoughts racing in his head, he simply replies, “I saw Peggy.”

[heartofsnark]

Can You Feel The Sun? (Chapter One): I'll let you in if you say it's okay

Notes: So, I’m taking inspiration from more than one lifepath start for my V and overall, I’m not sure how I feel about this first chapter. I’m not as confident in it as I have been in some of my other works and it’s undergone some heavy rewrites. But I’m officially sick of looking at it, so lets go. Still getting a feel for writing the cyberpunk characters too, tbh.

Word Count:  13083

Warnings: Canon Typical Violence, Internal Feels and struggles, (Aidan/V is very conflicted and struggling), Morning after sex

If you haven’t yet, please read the prologue: link here

Four years, a million miles, and a new alias later, not Aidan but V is standing in a motel bathroom, fresh from the shower. There’s a bruise forming on her chin from what she can’t remember. She touches up the two shaved slits in her left eyebrow, a pointless aesthetic choice given she wears a mask, she knows. But, she likes it and that’s what matters most. She pulls her bleached blonde hair back into a little ponytail, before brushing her teeth and changing. 

She fastens her mask, a repurposed scav mask that she uses, not only to hide from her former family but to help her function in this world. No longer the green with red and pink faces the scavs use, it’s now black with white x-d out eyes and a wicked toothy grin. Vaguely cartoony and ominous, not her choice, but she’s far too nostalgic to ever change it. 

Data and logistics flash across her vision, optic tech coming to life now that the mask is on. Finally, she puts in her hearing aids,  the noise of the world coming back to her, the hum of a broken AC, the beat of a song coming from the radio, and a woman’s snoring drifting through the paper-thin walls. V pulls up her hood before she leaves the bathroom, ready to begin, her throat tight as she thinks of what the day holds. 

I saw in you what life was missing

You lit a flame that consumed my hate

I'm not one for reminiscing but

I'd trade it all for your sweet embrace

The radio plays an old song from Ava’s favorite band, V knows the heavy drone of them anywhere, though she never can quite recall their name or song titles, only reminded of the days she pretended to give a shit about them in hopes it’d earn her at least a pity kiss. Why the hell the radio still plays music that old is beyond her.  She turns her hearing aids volume down a little lower. 

Music brought down to a hum, V’s attention turns to the bed, a woman who’s name she can’t remember is tangled in the sheets. Sun streaming through the window to shine on a bare freckled shoulder, the woman is around V’s age, maybe a year or two older with a pixie cut of dyed lilac hair. She fits in well with V’s track record of bedmates; unable or unwilling to give even half of what she got, leaving the nomad to take care of herself. But, as much as she’d appreciate an orgasm from something other than her own hand, she gets what she wants from them in the end; a glorified body pillow that helps her sleep. 

“Mmm,  you up?” The woman asks, stirring from under the blankets, she pushes a hand into her hair. She blinks her eyes a few times, before taking in V’s outfit, “you’re leaving already?”

V’s mask optics quickly reads lips, giving the world subtitles, essential when she wants to forgo hearing aids. The tech is far more advanced than the human eye when it comes to lip reading. The only downside is the mask requires someone to be facing her as they speak. So, the hearing aids are still necessary unless people are kind enough to accommodate her; which they never are. 

“Gotta get back on the road,” V signs, a modulator translator in her mask speaks it in a monotone AI voice. 

“You don’t wanna get breakfast or…?” 

“No time,” V crouches down beside the bed, so she can properly meet the woman’s eyes and, “you remember what I told you, don’t you?” 

“About not telling anyone what you look like or whatever…?” 

“No whatever’s to it, if anyone comes around asking about me, you keep your mouth shut. Got it?” 

“Yeah yeah, crystal clear, asshole.” The woman groans, not liking the aggressive tone V’s picked up, but it’s a serious matter. Most people get it, everyone nowadays seems to have enemies, but apparently not everyone understands. More flies with honey as they say. 

“I’m sorry,” she signs, “it’s just important to me, life or death. I’ll order some room service for you before I go, sound good?” 

“Hmm…I like pancakes.” 

“Alright, I’ll put the order in then head out.” 

“Okay…I won’t tell anyone, about you, promise.” 

“I appreciate that,” V signs, putting in the room service order on the tablet provided. 

Thankfully, pancakes are enough to earn the woman’s silence on the matter. The less people who have a bone to pick with her, the better. Though, she still hopes The Herd can’t follow her where she’s going anyway. Dufflebag thrown over her shoulder, V leaves the motel, stepping out into the dry heat of California. Even in the early months of 2077, the desert is burning hot, though it will be freezing by nightfall. The joys of the Badlands. 

Yucca is a little nothing town south of Night City, surrounded by long agonizing stretches of desert. Not a place she’d give another thought to if not for her vehicle breaking down. The cargo in the trunk, locked up so the mechanic can’t get nosy, is meant for a client in Night City. The job came with forms and docs that’ll get her past the border. 

She rolls up the metal garage door to the shop, seeing the older man in a trucker hat and flannel working over her car. The old Thorton Galena “Rattler”, bought off a Bakker nomad, who thankfully had no idea who her birth family is. It’s put together with rust, duct tape, and luck, bought for fifty eddies because it’s a walking tetanus trap; but it’s hers.  

“Hey…drifter…” He greets her with a weary expression. 

There’s two kinds of folks in these small towns that are scattered across  the country like stars. Those who are weary of outsiders, know the dangers that lurk across the Badlands and have their guard up the moment someone they don’t know shows up. And for them, her refusal to show her face or speak with her own voice only adds to the suspicion. 

And then there’s the other ones, the ones like that lilac haired girl still curled up in dusty sheets, eating shitty motel pancakes. The ones who see her, the people like her, the nomads, the drifters who travel the country and they see someone who can bring a moment of excitement to their dull little lives. The ones bored to tears with watching tumbleweeds all day and will climb in bed with V and their own preconceived notions of who she is just to have a night of excitement. 

Each sees danger when they look at her, chaos in human form, someone who may just disrupt the status quo of their piss-pot of a town. An idea that terrifies or excites them. Then the realization hits that she’s just breezing through, a ghost without a trace. And for a moment they’ll be relieved or disappointed, then they’ll forget she was ever there. 

“You got my car fixed?” she signs before she rolls the garage door down a foot or two shy of the ground. 

“Not quite, electric coupling module is shot to shit.” 

“You said it was an easy fix.” 

“Guess I was wrong,” he turns to face her, arm crossed over his chest, “you could always find a new shop, find someone else who won’t question some scav lookin’ nomad why she’s hugging the border.” 

“I’m not a fuckin’ scav, move,” she signs before shoving him away from her car engine, if he can’t get this thing up and running, she’ll do it her god damn self. She needs to get to Night City, yesterday, she’s already frustrated and him acting like he’s doing her a favor by staring at her engine for an hour isn’t helping. 

“Got any idea what you’re doing?” Condescension drips from the mechanic’s words. 

“Gonna, rig a hotwire, bypass the coupling.” She switches out some plugs, trying to find something, anything that will save her heap. 

“Compressor will run on and on, could seize up.” 

“Better than standing around scratching my head.” 

She walks around her Rattler, pulling open the driver side door and climbing in. Please, any god listening right now, don’t fuck this up for her. V presses down the ignition and tries to rev the engine; sputters but doesn’t start. 

“It’s like I was telling you,” the mechanic grumbles, so she tries again and another sputter. 

“Fuck off,” she signs, wishing the tone of the AI voice would better convey her frustration as she begs her car, her baby, to start. 

Come on baby, she thinks and her hands twitch to sign, her voice catching. Her desperation nearly making her verbal. Her rattler, her baby, her beautiful heap of rust and luck has carried her through three years in the Badlands. Just a little further, into the city, and V will find her a decent mechanic to give her vehicular child the treatment she deserves. She presses the ignition and revs the gas. 

And that engine roars to life and it’s the sweetest sound she’s ever heard, her baby lives, she fucking lives! V can’t contain her smile, thankfully hidden behind the cover of her mask, she could scream. She’s starting the next chapter of her life with her baby by her side. 

“Not too shabby, question is how long will it last you,” the mechanic rains on her parade as he shuts the hood. 

“Better than whatever you were trying.” 

V rolls her eyes and gets her walkie talkie radio out, hooking it to a jack in her car to try to boost a signal; she needs to let her client know she’s coming into the city, so they can prepare to pick up the cargo. 

“Antennae on this heap don’t look like it packs much of a punch, doubt you’ll hear much.” 

There was a broadcasting comms tower outside of the town, she saw it as she made her way in, she’ll get in and boost her signal with it. Should be fairly easy. She just wants to make it into the city, her chance at a new life. Seventeen years with The Herd, under her father’s thumb. Three years running, never able to settle down, never knowing when her family would find her when she’d be put down. Years wasted, she’s ready to live, to really live on her own fucking terms. 

A flash of khaki fabric, visible through the opened gap in the garage door catches her eye and a chill runs down her spine. Trouble. Black cybernetic hands catch the bottom of the metal door and roll it up; an older man in a sheriff’s uniform with a cowboy hat comes strolling in. 

“Hey, Mike, didn’t know you had a customer…” He draws out, looking over V as if she was carrying the plague. 

“Just rolled in a few hours ago, I, uh, thought she would have told you.”

“Now, don’t you worry, we’re gonna hash this out,” the sheriff says, strolling over to her, he puts an arm up on her car roof, leaning against her open car door  and looming over her, “Don'tcha know you owe the sheriff a word when you pay his town a visit? To tell him what brought you here, maybe even over a cup of coffee.”

“You that hard up for dates?” She signs in return, catching a muscle twitch of annoyance, and she smirks behind her mask. Five seconds in and she’s getting under his skin. 

“Names Andrew Jones, you probably heard of me.” 

“Can’t say that I have.” 

“Served in special ops in the last war, silver shoguns, ring any bells?” 

“Can’t say that it does.” 

“Hmm,” he grumbles, “don’t like to get along, do you?” 

“Can’t say that I do.” 

He scowls at her as he shifts his weight off her door and moves to walk in front of her vehicle, looking it over. His foot raises up, dirty boot now on the grill of her car and she wishes nothing more than to just drive forward and run his dumbass over. She doesn’t have fucking time for this; her client is waiting. She doesn’t even want to be in his dumbass little town; she already fucked the only good thing here and found nothing but disappointment. 

“That a nomad vehicle? I might have figured. Scav mask, nomad car; what that make you?” 

“You got a problem?”

“I’ll tell you what my problem is, nothing boils my blood like a fuckin’ stray. Where your clan pitch camp?” 

“No camp, no clan, just little ole me, aren’t you lucky?” 

 “Don’t buy it, nomads always stick with their pack.” 

“Got no pack, they don’t suit me much.”

“Makes you an outcast among outcasts.” He sneers at her, looking down his nose at her, like he’s something special and she’s gum stuck on his shoe. 

“Let me guess, you’re the type of guy who believes every line of shit the corps feed you, that nomads are the world’s greatest evil.” 

“No, I’m a man who respects order, corps brought us that order-”

“The corps pay you and have you on a leash like a dog, you know that?” 

“And you don’t wanna see me bare my fangs.” 

“Try and I’ll put you down,” V’s fingers move before she can give another though, no interest in making peace with this asshole. 

“You threatening me, girl?” 

“No more than you are me, stay out of my way and I’ll get out of yours.” 

“Big talk coming from a misfit.”

She lets out a short laugh, the sound layered with her modulator, making it louder and doubled.  

“Look, I’m not scared of some shithole town’s sheriff who thinks a badge is a crown,” she signs, hands moving so quick and hurried that the sound of skin hitting skin rings out, “I want to leave your town, you want me gone, move your ass and I’ll make us both happy.” 

“Get going,” he moves out from in front of her car, “I got no mind to see you drifting around these parts.” 

“What part of this conversation made you think I want to?” She finishes signing before slamming her car door shut. 

“What was that drifter?” His voice fades away as she guns it out of the repair shop, rolling her eyes behind her mask. 

Though, maybe breaking into the communications tower is technically drifting, but she needs to radio her client. Sinclaire will need to know she’s coming into the city, so they can meet up, exchange eddies for cargo, and she can figure life out from there. She takes a road that goes north and cuts through the desert, her Rattler practically born for off roading as she takes the heavy bumps of the sand dunes and drives through cacti, pulling up to graffiti covered bumpers just outside the fenced in tower. 

It's an amalgamation of latticed rusted metal with satellites on top, graffiti decorating the buildings and chunks of the tower itself. It clearly hasn’t been used or maintained in years, but it should still boost her signal. V climbs out of her vehicle, trying to open the door to the fencing. It doesn’t budge at all and she pouts, then kicks it as hard as she can. Her steel toed boot works as well as a key, making it swing open. 

It’s a quick little journey, two little flights of stairs she jogs up with ease. Then it’s a ladder, the peeling yellow paint sticking to her palms. And then she’s as high as she can reach, transmitter box in view. But with the view around her, wind whipping through, she takes a moment to peel off her mask and breathe. Sun beating down and warming her face, the breeze cools her skin under it’s rays, wicking away sweat that sticks to her brow. 

A deep inhale of air before she forces herself to move again, the rusted front of the transmitter box breaks at the hinges when she opens it, she pays no mind and throws it aside then jacks in her walkie-talkie radio. V leans against the tower railing, radio in hand, but not ready to let go of the quiet. 

The smell of rust and paint surrounds her as she takes everything in. She’ll miss this, she realizes, the open road and the Badlands have always been her home. But it’s not safe, not really. The Herd has shown no signs of letting this go. For four years, she’s dodged her sister and Ava; the two tasked with being her trackers, repeated close calls over all this time. They’ve interrogated and demanded answers from the folks in these sleepy little towns she breezes through. The mask has helped, but every day the feeling of them nipping at her heels gets worse. Her stomach churns at the lengths they’ve gone to. V’s father wasted no time in turning her sister against her, turning Eira into a weapon to do his bidding, to put down the defected child who never should have made it past nine. 

He’ll kill her for not falling in that same line, for refusing to be his soldier. Forced to choose between death or conformity, practically one in the same, she tries to seek a third option.

Night City has its own rules, laws, restrictions; a city completely controlled by corps. It’s disgusting in its own right. But The Herd isn’t allowed in the city, border control of Night City has strict orders to keep all known or identifiable members of the Raffen Shiv clan out. Corps hate Nomads, as a general rule, but they really hate The Herd. A Nomad family with no respect for anyone else’s laws, a strong anti-consumerism, anti-cyberware, and anti-corp attitude; The Herd might as well send a personal fuck you to Night City.  Its not perfect, not even good,  a crime infested corp run cesspool, but it’s the safest option. More security, more boundaries, more faces so V can blend in.  Even if Eira and Ava make it into Night City, which she’s not naïve enough to believe impossible, they’ll have six million folks to work their way through. Nomads stay in pack because groups provide safety; a sea of city faces is just an extension of that. 

But that safety comes at a cost. It means no more open spaces, no more serenity, no more campfires with burnt marshmallows, or driving down dirt roads as fast as she can with her windows down, and screaming out in excitement as she takes on every bump and turn with reckless abandon. 

There’s no perfect choice, every decision carries a sacrifice, but if the cost of staying in the Badlands could mean her life, her freedom, her identity… the city is the better option… she thinks…

A pessimistic or perhaps realistic part of her can’t help but feel like he’ll get his way, her father will have her head on a pike, will slaughter his own daughter like cattle. And his power over The Herd will only grow. After all, if he’d go this far to put down his own child for an act of betrayal, how could anyone else ever think to be spared his wrath. The already loyal army of followers will be further forced into submission by fear. 

Maybe this is all a waste of time, she wonders, often does. Maybe it’s just dragging out the inevitable. Hell, a part of her wonders if she’d be better off begging for mercy, if he’d offer it just to maintain control. Would she be safer if she just gave in? Is she really the kind of person who needs to be half of a whole to function, to feel safe?

But, is it wrong to want something more? To be able to look back at her life, no matter how long or short it may be, and know she lived, that she gave it all she had. That she stayed true to herself, whoever that is. To prove that she doesn’t need them, that she isn’t a burden depending on others to carry her weight. She can make something of herself in Night City, can live on her own terms, even if only until the inevitable comes knocking at her door. It will be a bit of breathing room, a chance to just be, instead of constantly looking over her shoulder.

Family was meant to be her security, her safety, but were they ever really? V shakes her head, if she goes down every thought pattern, every reason, every doubt, every feeling; she’ll be here forever. 

She pulls her mask back down and radios her client after another moment of soaking in the breeze, it's odd they didn’t go through a fixer, but frankly she doesn’t care. A middleman who takes part of the cut isn’t ideal for her either. She’s looking for the past possible new start and the more eddies in her pocket, the better that’ll be. 

“V?” Sinclaire speaks her alias once she gets through. 

“Speaking,” she signs, as always thankful her mask spares her voice in moments like this. 

“Where the hell are you?” 

“Hit a snag, but I’m on my way into the city now.”

“That’s what I like to hear, once you’re through the border radio me and we’ll talk meet up.” 

“The docs you sent,” she signs, thinking to the falsified passport docs he had sent out her way, “they should get me through border check.” 

“Absolutely, border control barely checks ID on customs, but that little pamphlet will breeze you through.” 

“Okay, just checking.” 

“Don’t worry V, this is a piece of cake. You’re gonna love Night City, I’m telling you.” 

“Yeah? That so?” 

“Mmhmm, once we finish the trade off, I’ll show you around. There’s a place in Wellsprings with synth steak to die for, I’ll treat you.” 

“Sounds like a plan, I’m heading out now.” She agrees easily, it’ll be better to have more connections in the city, people she gets along with well enough and know the place better than her. 

“See ya soon.” 

Her client doesn’t know her exact clan, just knows she needs papers to get into the city. There’s more than one group of Raffen Shiv that aren’t allowed in city limits; hell she’s pretty sure Wraith’s aren’t.  Though, corps make special deals to let them in when they need work done. As shitty as they are, The Herd has yet to whore themselves out to that degree, one thing she can still respect about her father. She fiddles with the leather cuff bracelet around her wrist, that hides the small crown shaped brand that he placed on her skin as a child, his way of marking his blood family. She’s considered taking a knife to it, but some part of her isn’t ready to.  

V’s steps are hurried as she leaves the comms tower, heavy boots stomping over metal as she makes the quick journey back to her Rattler, the red beast of a car waiting where she left it. She climbs into the vehicle and twists the vehicle around. She follows the dirt road back out to the highway, headed out to the city. 

She races back through the little town, picking up as much speed as she can, wind whipping through the open windows. Yucca is a blink and its gone, V having cruises right through the nothing town and continuing down the highway. Empty stretches of desert decorated with cacti as she races down the expanse of roadway. 

Then the signs warn her of border crossing, nearing the city, her heart rate picking up as she grows closer to changing her life. A border checkpoint, enclosures and offices with an overpass above the divided lanes of the highway. Each lane leads to a border control officer with holograms labeling what each lane is for based on why someone is coming into the city; whether or not they have cargo to check. She slows down, so she can pull off her mask, the less suspicious she looks the better. Border guards aren’t going to stand for being questioned by The Herd, so its minimal risk. 

She switches over to the lane for customs check, pulling up to the raised blockade, beyond it another car coming through is scanned. An armed border guard not far away and she waits as the vehicle is giving the go ahead to leave; blockade coming down and guard ushering her to drive forward. V drives that little bit forward; cement yellow blockades raise before and behind her vehicle. Locking her into place makes her uncomfortable, like she can’t escape. 

“Stay in the security check area,” a guard tells her over the intercom, like she would have tried to drive through the blockade without his warning. A beat i silence, a minute or two passes as the scanners run along her car. 

“Would the owner of the vehicle please report for further questioning.”

V grabs the falsified passport, manifest marked LOA, and the bribe chip for good measure. She keeps her head down as she gets out of the vehicle, makes her body language small as she walks into the office building. Maintaining a non-threatening demeanor in order to ease any friction that may come her way. The door automatically opens, a waiting room of people and a desk behind bulletproof glass where a worker stands. A map of the New United States across one of the walls. 

“If  you’re armed, leave your weapon here.” The worker behind the desk calls out and V unholsters her revolver, allowing him to check it and put it in a drawer, “report to room two.”

She nods, feeling naked without a weapon on her hip, but she knows this is the way of things. V turns the corner, finding the door with a two marked next to it. She opens the door and a lump forms in her throat. It's a small cramped little excuse of a room, a guard already at the rinky dink desk and a chair in front of it. She takes small timid steps to the chair, discolored with either dried blood or rust, she can’t be certain. The man is dressed in a neon vest; some sort of either goggles or optic implants over his eyes that scan her over as she sits down. He wastes not a second in lighting a cigarette and her nose wrinkles as smoke billows to fill the small room. She can already feel the stench of it clinging to her clothes and wishes she could snatch it from his hand. 

“Papers?” he asks. 

She hands over the manifest, her falsified passport, and the credit chip without a word. Metallic implant augmented fingers put the cred chip aside to look over the little blue document, then he places the paper over the cred chip, hiding it from prying eyes that may peek into the office. Meanwhile, V tries to maintain her most innocent of expression, puppy dog eyes primed if any issue arrives. Small and adorable has few benefits in this world; but she plans to take advantage where she can. Being underestimated, assumed to be weak or docile, as much as it hurts does have perks. 

“What are you transporting?” 

“It’s all in there,” she signs in response, because frankly she has no idea what she’s transporting. Some corp crap. 

“Hmmm, tell me, who do you ride with?” 

“Bakkers,” she lies through her teeth, her car was bought off one, so it seems like an easy enough excuse. 

“They stop installing personal links?” He asks, puffing out a plume of smoke, his gaze on her linkless palm. 

“Religious reasons, most of the clan has them, but my mom raised us to stay ‘ganic, god given, ya know?”  She signs, a practiced excuse for when she’s asked about her lack of implants. Same as the excuse laid out in the passport. 

“Is that so…” he takes a deep drag off his cigarette and V bites her lip not to say anything she’s hit with another face full of smoke, “you know, times like this I’m so glad not to be on the other side of that table.” 

“Feelings mutual,” she signs before she can even consider stopping, aggravated by this man’s entire existence at this point. She gave him all the documents, this should be done with by now. 

“Go on now.” 

She jumps at the chance to be excused, taking in a deep fresher breath of air when she’s released from the smoke box of an interrogation room. V runs a hand through her hair as she turns the corner. There’s another armored guard standing beside the desk now, his eyes doing a lazy look down of V’s frame.

“Don’t forget to collect your personal items.” The worker behind the desk tells her and she stops there, giving him a raised eyebrow before he goes to collect her gun, “be careful with that toy and welcome to Night City.”

As much as she’d like to gripe about the toy comment; as if she’s a child, she can’t help but find herself smiling at the greeting. She’s finally here, finally getting into the city. A life on her terms; a little breathing room between her and the clan. V holsters her gun, grin playing on her lips.

“Those little shits all imagine Night City to be some sort of paradise,” the armored guard comments about her, but not to her, looking over her to the worker behind the desk.

“What are you gonna do they’re all young, naïve, which is just another word for ignorant.” The worker replies and V’s grin has died, maybe that’s the case for others, but Night City is exactly what she needs. Her situation isn’t the same. She doubts those young ignorant kids they’re talking about were running from their own death.

She shakes her head, not worth the effort it’d take to respond, V leaves the building. Her Rattler a short distance away, she’s nearly bouncing as she rushes towards it, climbing into the driver’s seat. Even the overpass above her has words welcoming her to the city, she’s sure she won’t find paradise, but there...she’ll make this life her own.

There’s barely a blip of distance between her and the border check when she sees them. Black corporate vans coming towards her, her heart jolts into her throat and sweat edges along her skin. 

“Fuck!” V curses out loud, border fucker tipped off the corp.

“Stop the vehicle! You are transporting corporate property!” A voice rings out from the vans and V takes a sharp turn off the road, her baby is meant for off roading after all. 

“I repeat, stop the vehicle!” The corporate voice yells out again. 

“Stop the vehicle,” she murmurs in a whiny voice to herself, mocking the corpo, “give us back our stuff, stop committing crimes, wah, wah, wah.” 

 She rolls her eyes, amused by her own bullshit as she punches in the keypad of her Rattler, starting up the automated turret attached to the roof. It’s not the most high tech system, but it has a lock on function and should get the job done.  The sounds of bullets pinging off metal creates a cacophony around her as she careens through an abandoned rural area, taking sharp turns to try to shake them. V takes out her hearing aids to stop her forming headache and focus on what she’s doing. The rumble of her turret shakes the car as it fires, letting her know its still working fine. Glass break out of the back of her car, a bullet piercing through, her back sprayed with the shards. She’ll be digging a bullet out of her dashboard later, she’s sure. 

A bright flash of orange, flames enveloping a van as her turret hits a gas tank the right way. One down, two to go. She keeps the pedal to the floor, speed topping out as she races away from the approaching vans. Another sharp turn and she watches as a van crashes into a wall, one last stubborn fucker. 

There’s a slight tense to the vibration of her turret overhead, bullets hitting the top of it, aiming to disarm it, as she goes through another turn. A shot bursts through her side mirror, assholes, do they have any idea how much it’s going to cost her to repair this heap. More than it’s probably worth.  

The vibration that shakes her car settles down over her head, turret no longer firing, but the van is still chasing her. It fucking jammed, her turret fucking jammed again, of course it did. V hauls off and punches the roof of her Rattler, right beneath where the turret is, used to this issue at this point. As always, the hard punch manages to spur it back on and it fires up again, blasting at the last van at full speed. 

A bullet hits the corpo van’s front tire, knocking it off path; final one down. 

“Suck my dick, Arasaka!” She screams out for no one else to hear.

She’s grinning as she finds a collection of abandoned trailers and garages, pulling into one, she’ll need to call her client, figure out a meeting place. They may want her to lay low for a bit until Arasaka calms their tits about this. But she’s in Night City, finally, what could go wrong from here. Cut out a nice living for herself, solo work or maybe something else, who knows. Get herself a place and do whatever the fuck she wants from there. She slides on her mask, puts her hearing aids back in, and rings her client. 

“Sinclaire?” 

“V, you make it over the border yet?” 

“Yep, out just south of Pacifica according to the GPS, little run in with the corps but I shook them. When and where you wanna meet?” 

“Little China, you know where the old Club Atlantis is?” 

“Not remotely, but ping me the coordinates and I’ll find it.” 

“Sending it to you now, think you can get there by three am?” 

“Yeah, no problem, prefer to do this under cover of darkness?” 

“Much prefer, see you soon, V.” 

V hangs up the call and punches in the coordinates he sent, GPS map firing up to tell her where to go. She pulls out of the abandoned garage and gets herself back out on the road, driving further into the city. 

She doesn’t like driving in the city. V determines about a minute into being into the actual bulk of the city. There’s neon signs and adverts everywhere she looks; most displaying someones ass or tits.  She wouldn’t consider herself a prude, far from it given just how many people she’s spread her own legs for, but she does appreciate some decorum… These are sleazy, dirty… 

And there’s traffic. Even at the late hour, people are on the roads, and they’re slow. So, fucking slow. Move, your asses. A motorcycle might be a good investment, she’d be able to just ride between traffic or weave through the other cars.

She manages to reach the spot before three am, though she wants to scream by the time she arrives. The building blends in easily, just another large shuttered up structure with graffiti covering its outside; symbols for the Tyger Claws, because correct spelling is a bad look for a gang, apparently. 

V lets out a huff of air as she gets out of her car to wait;  examining the little bloody scratches on her shoulders and arms where the glass hit her. Nothing serious, a splash of rubbing alcohol to disinfect and she’ll be fine. But there is a slight sting to the injuries that make moving her arms and shoulders uncomfortable. Corpo fucks. V leans against her car, taking in her new city. 

And she shouldn’t be amazed, she knows that. The traffic drove her nuts and she’s been in landfills that smelled nicer. But despite it all, she finds herself impressed at the buildings that stretch on into the heavens. The bright lights and neon against a dark sky is gorgeous; a high vantage point and she’s sure it’d look like something out of a movie. She finds herself in awe as hope nestles its way into her chest. 

Not perfect, nothing ever is, but she can work with it. She can build something here. 

A sharp honk gets her attention, disrupting her moment of reverie. The street and road have been abandoned mostly; only her and the limousine coming to a stop next to her. She gives a slight wave to the driver, then forms a V with her fingers, as if they needed any more indication of who she is. 

The driver is not her client, instead a big bulk of a man with gorilla arms implants, black metal for fingers, he gets out of the driver’s seat and a similarly sized man steps out of the back seat. Her client’s got muscle around him it seems, maybe he just wants to make sure she doesn’t get squirrely and try to pull something. 

Both guards out, they open the backseat door close to the street and her client finally emerges. He’s not a particularly tall man, though as with most adults, he is taller than her. Sandy slicked back hair and unnaturally bright green eyes; likely optics. 

“V, darling, nice to see you in the flesh, you got the goods?” 

“Right here,” she signs before moving behind her car, opening the trunk so he can see the Arasaka cargo crate.

“Fantastic, load it up, boys.” 

“Woah, woah,” V signs and sits on the crate before the two bodyguards can grab it, “eddies first, then you take the cargo.” 

“Oh, V, honey…” His voice drips with condescension and a chill reverberates down her spine, “you did good work, only a shame you’re so naive.” 

“The fuck do-” 

Pain cracks through her skull, knocking V off the cargo crate and onto the ground. Another sharp thwack of pain across her head and back; something blunt striking her before she can get up. She groans out as she rolls over onto her back, looking up at the bodyguard who’s holding a baseball bat, what looks like blood staining it. Her head and back hurt; her head spinning and she’s unable to get her bearings.

“Load the cargo into the car.” 

“What do you want us to do with her?” One of the guards asks Sinclaire and he looks down at her, like a cockroach. 

“Eh, no one will come looking for her. Might as well throw her away with the trash,” he kicks her side, sneering when she grunts in pain, “give her another hit for good measure.” 

“Got it,” the guard nods and starts to raise the baseball again, high above his head for a hard swing and she instinctively twists to give him the back of her head again. 

“We’ll scrap the car, ge-” 

And then the bat comes down on her, a rush of pain before consciousness slips from her grasp. 

Time loses all meaning when the world is blacked out, but eventually the light filters back in and her senses return. She can feel her hearing aids still in and its reaffirmed by the sounds she hears, the faint murmur of people. The smell around her is awful, disgusting, and she can feel stuff around her. Plastic bags scratching at her skin, something wet touching her arm. Her mask shifted and she forces herself to move, she pulls it back in place, blinking. 

Garbage bags, some intact and others shredded. He actually had her thrown into the trash, that son of a bitch. V pushes the trash bags off of her, city lights starting to glimmer through, neon against a black sky. She finds a metal edge of the dumpster and pulls herself up, body still aching in protest as she emerges from her would be grave. Cold air hits her bare arms, the city far colder in the early months than the Badlands. She’s in an alleyway dumpster and she hears gasps of shocks, turning to see civilians shocked to see someone climbing out of the trash. She’s be ashamed if she weren’t so furious.

V punches the side of the dumper, feeling it reverberate with the force, this was supposed to be her shot at a new life and now she’s in a god damn dumpster. 

She’s going to kill Sinclaire, she’s going to fucking kill him, son of a bitchfucked her over and he’s going to pay with blood. But how the hell does she even reach him? He never gave her details of where he spends his time or let alone where he lives. Hell, she doesn’t even know where she is. She needs her car back and her luggage from it, she doesn’t even have a change of fucking clothes as it stands right now. 

“What time is it? Where am I?” she signs at the civilians, still straddling the edge of the dumpster, maybe they can be some help. 

“Uhhh, like 10pm? And Heywood…?”

So, he dragged her away quite a bit, so...maybe he frequents the area. Still doesn’t tell her much, she needs to find him. And she needs to find her car, but how the fuck does she accomplish that?

“Don’t suppose you have any idea where I could find Luke Sinclaire, do you?” 

“Uh, no,” the stranger kind of raises an eyebrow, clearly taken aback by the whole situation, “but uh, you could always talk to Padre. He’s the local fixer.” 

Of course, she’d have to get a fixer involved, not using one is probably what got her in this mess in the first place. Sinclaire knew she had no ties to her Nomad family, new to the city, and no fixer involved. He basically had license to do whatever he wanted without fearing someone would come for him or come looking for her. V touches the back of her head, fingers coming back red, dried blood matting her hair. He meant for her to die, she’s sure, but the blunt trauma wasn’t enough to do her in. 

“Where’s Padre?” she signs, she doesn’t have money to pay a fixer but maybe they can work something out. She doesn’t want to lone wolf it and end up in a dumpster again. 

“He has his own parish, but he’s usually at the El Coyote Cojo right about now, might be able to catch him if you hurry.” 

“El Coyote Cojo, which would be…where?” 

“Bar a little north of here, you really aren’t from around here, are you?” 

“Thanks for your help and stunning observational skills; I’m off.” 

She pulls her hood back up over her head, hiding her bloody matted hair as she leaves the alley way and goes vaguely north. New chapter of her life, she’s injured, alone, broke, and smells like garbage. 

Honestly, sounds about right for her luck. But, she’s far from given up. She navigates the Night City streets, stopping to ask a stranger where the bar is again before she finally finds it. She keeps expecting to get weird looks, like the ones that were usually sent her way in the small towns she’d visit on the road. But even with her mask, no one pays her much mind. And why would they?

V passes at least four more outrageous looking strangers along her way to the bar. People’s who’s entire body is made of gold cyberware, a woman with skin that looks like plastic, a cowboy with cybernetic arms and legs, and a girl with what looks like cat ear implants on top of her head. Things that make her stop and give a second glance, but no one here even minds. Night City has its own weirdness limit and her mask doesn’t even come close to hitting it. There's an anonymity she’s never known before and its kind of nice. Even bloody, mask on, trash covered; she’s just one face in a sea of millions. 

El Coyote Cujo is a lowlit bar with traditional Mexican decorations across it and as expected in the evening, it has a fair number of patrons bustling around. People shooting pool, downing tequila, and chatting amongst themselves. And for the first time, she finds eyes landing on her. Not necessarily weirded out by her masked appearance, but more so wary of a stranger. She pays them no mind, employees here should know where Padre frequents or if he’s still here. There’s two she’s able to find right away; the bartender and a busboy. She starts with the bartender, walking herself over to a stool, he’s an older man with dark hair and a golden arm. He walks over to her once she’s sat, a smile bringing out the crows feet at the corners of his eyes. 

“A new face, what can I get for you?” 

“I’m actually trying to find someone,” she signs, “someone told me the local fixer, Padre, is a regular here.”

“Ah, he’s probably at his usual table upstairs, not sure he’s interested in taking on any new clients though.” 

“I’ll see if we can figure something out.” She steps away from the bar and heads upstairs, its mostly vacant, making her task just a little bit easier. 

Her gaze is drawn to an older man with sparsely any hair and age spots along his skin, a gold cross around his neck. A few men in tacky gold jewelry around him.

“Padre?” The AI modulator voice calls out and she sees the older man’s eyes land on her. His guards around him seem to tense, prepared for if she sends up being a threat. 

“I’m not sure, I know you,” Padre comments, looking over her disheveled appearance. Being beaten and thrown in a dumpster doesn’t do much for your looks. 

“You don’t, but I’m looking for a fixer, need help if you’re interested in hearing me out.”

“Come, sit.” 

“Thank you, sir,” she signs before sliding into the booth seat across the table from him. 

“How can I assist you, child?” 

“So, a guy named Luke Sinclaire contracted me to smuggle corp cargo into the city, I go to meet up with him and he tricks me. Stole the cargo, sent my car to be scrapped, and had his gangoons drop me.  I need help finding him so I can get the cargo, my car, and my dignity back. Maybe kill him too, depending on how I feel, but we’ll see.” 

“You didn’t use a fixer, I take it?” He raises an eyebrow with the energy of a dad chiding a child for making a stupid mistake. 

“No, I was desperate and it bit me in the ass, so I’m doing what I should have done in the first place.” 

“And I’m to assume, you have no money with which to do this either?” He says, having read her like a book. 

“I’m sorry to be asking favors the first time we meet and I don’t expect you to do this for nothing, of course, but I was wondering if we could work out an arrangement instead.”

“And what sort of arrangement would that be?” 

“I’ll do a merc job for you, your choosing, I’ll take no cut of the profit; a completely free job in exchange for you helping me with this.”

“And how can I trust you to do this job well, I do not know you or your work.” 

“Well, I’d do the job for you first, so if its crap you could not help me. I fully expect to get back what I put in, if I do quality work, you do it in return, I’m desperate here.”

“Come with me, Marcus, get the car,” he tells one of the bulky men who walks off. 

Padre stands and follows behind Marcus, V follows suit as they leave down the stairs and out of the bar towards a dark little alleyway. Marcus pulls up a car and parks it for them. Once parked Marcus gets out and comes back to one of the backseat doors, Padre gets into the back on his own, Marcus opens the door for her. He silently beckons her in and she does what she’s asked, sliding onto the leather seat. Marcus shuts her door before going back around to the driver’s seat, 

“Embers, pull up to the back where the ramp is,” Padre instructs Marcus of where to go. 

And then the car pulls out onto the road. V fiddles with a curl of hair, fidgety and unsure of what to do, why they’re driving out away from the bar. Padre has a far away look in his eye. 

“You’re new to Night City, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah…” 

“And what is your name, I’m afraid I didn’t catch it earlier.” 

“V.” 

“V, I’ve lived in Heywood all my life, it’s roots are strong and watered by blood. Family is what pulls us through, no one is purely independent. The city is ecosystem, each individual playing a vital role that impacts those around them. The relationship between fixers and our mercenaries is an important one, not only is it mutual beneficial, but we keep each other safe. A lesson you’ve had to learn the hard way.” 

“Can’t really argue with that…” 

“People who-“ 

Padre pauses in his words looking out of the window and through it, V can see a car coming up alongside them. The car begins honking furiously at them. Nerves alight and chills slinking up her spine; she has a bad feeling about this. It has to be someone with a bone to pick with Padre. 

“Shit!” Marcus curses, the first word she’s heard him say. 

“Stop the car,” Padre says, with a calming hand on Marcus’s shoulder. 

“What’s this?” V signs, worrying speeding up her hands. 

“Business, you carrying?” 

“Yeah….” V checks her waistband and her revolver is gone because why did she think Sinclaire wouldn’t take her gun, “No.” 

Padre blinks, surprised she’s sure, because who the fuck would be unarmed in Night City. Marcus pulls to a stop, the car once beside them pulls around to park in front of them and a man comes out. He’s dressed in what appear to be green fatigues with a bullet proof vest. As he comes close to V’s window, she sees his gold implants catching the neon lights. 

“Sebastian Ibarra,” the man says in a low voice, as V’s window is rolled down by Marcus, “looks like it’s my lucky day.”

The stranger leans into the window, his left hand is carrying a gun and he casually puts it into the window. Both arms are metal in nature, but they look far from top shelf, at least from her glance. 

“What do you want?” Padre asks him. 

“To settle our biz, once and for all. Got an offer for you, Paddy, so listen up. Get the fuck out of Vista, pull your boys off the street! I’ll give you the Glenn, done deal. No more restless nights, see how generous I can be?” 

A beat of silence and V gives a glance at Padre, he seems far from amused with the man’s bullshit. 

“Well, Paddy?!” 

V lurches at his impatient yell, she doesn’t need this wannabe soldier turned gangbanger fucking up her deal. Her right hand grabs the back of his neck, below the base of his skull and her left grabs the gun. She slams his head against the car roof, his forehead gushing blood at the impact, the shock and pain makes his grip loosen and allows her to steal his pistol before letting him go. 

“Fuck, fuck,” he curses as he stumbles back, seeing stars and touching at his forehead. She aimed for the soft flesh just before his golden mohawked implant began, blood now steadily streaming from the wound, “you’ll fucking pay for that.” 

She points his own pistol at him, cocking the gun, asking the silent question of if he intends to be shot today. 

“It seems our conversation has come to a close,” Padre speaks calmly, but when she turns she can see the hint of a smile on his lips. 

“Careful Padre, never know who’s got a barrel at your six,” he threatens with blood coating his face like paint, “you neither shitbucket!” 

“Now, I’m armed,” V signs to Padre, as she watches the man climb back into his car, defeated for the moemnt. 

“Marcus, please.” 

The driver pulls out and away, getting them back on the road, as if the exchange had never happened. There’s a moment or two of silence, as V tucks her new gun into her waistband. If Padre takes her up on her offer, she may need it, plus you can generally never have enough firepower. 

“Many people come through the city,” Padre speaks after a beat of silence, “little shits who’s spines go soft the moment they’re looking down the barrel of a gun. And sometimes you get the odd soul, one who can truly hold their own.” 

“Who was that?” She asks, unable to help but smirk behind her mask at the compliment. That she’s one of the odd souls, different from those little shits, that she can hold her own.  V is far from incompetent, even if some shitbird got the jump on her. 

“No one important, he’ll be gone in a week’s time. Another will take his place.”

“The ecosystem will take him out?” 

“People who don’t know their place, soon find themselves without one. He’ll pay for what he’s done. You… paid for your misdeeds, for your misstep, but you’re finding your place now and within it you may thrive.” 

“You got my place in the ecosystem all figured out?” 

“Here,” he hands her a screamsheet, a magazine with an animated ad for a car, high-end The Legend of Aerondight, “only four in Night City.” 

“That so?” It looks slick, she guesses, though certainly not her aesthetic. Its that weird rich person sort of design where it’s oddly shaped and proportioned, perhaps to be aerodynamic. All sleek silver and black, no character to it. She’d take her Rattler over it any day. 

“First belongs to the Rayfield regional direction, second belongs to mayor Rhyne, third to a rental service. And my client aims to be the fourth.” 

“Klep the car and you’ll help me?” 

“Yes, I have a contact who works inside the parking structure near Embers, a club the current owner likes to frequent. He’s there tonight as well. My contact will cut the security camera feed and open the security gate for you.” 

“Current owner, anyone I need to worry about?” 

“An Arasaka corpo,” Padre informs her, because apparently, she hasn’t fucked with Arasaka enough in the past day or so. 

“So, just hotwire it or?” It wouldn’t be the first time she’s hotwired a car, but fancy ones like this usually have a more complicated security system. Usually takes more than a knife and luck, which is her usual method. 

“Not quite,” Padre pulls a little gadget, a silver and black device that he hands to her, “this should work like a key for the car, matches the ones used by Rayfield tech. Should open the lock and bypass identity authorization.” 

“That sounds convenient…”  Too fucking convenient, she resists adding. 

“Kabuki has some excellent tech workers, but I won’t lie, it is a risk. I assume one you’re willing to take?” 

“Got it, I’ll get the car.” 

“Marcus, pull up here,” Padre tells the driver and they come to a stop, “you can jump down below, and before you go, take this V.” 

He hands her a card, marked with his name and phone number, golden in color with a sword surrounded by roses.  She rubs her thumb over the embossment, glad for her first contact within the city. Connections help. 

“Your number?” She points out the obvious, not sure what else to say. 

“Bring the car back to El Coyote Cujo and call me when you arrive, if all goes well, I’ll have your intel by then. And, I may just call on you for work down the line.” 

“Understood, I’m off then.” 

“Go with God, V.”  

The guardrail drags along the side of the highway but there’s a breakage where it allows her enough space to easily jump over. Peering over it leads to an alley way, a closed dumpster just below. She hops over, dropping down onto the dumpster, she intends on last night being her last trash nap, so she’s more than a little thankful for it being closed. She hears a civilian let out a little exclamation but pays no mind as she jumps down onto the pavement. A quick walk down a graffitied alleway leads her to yellow road signs cutting across an open structure. Glowing vending machines beckon her to spend ennies she doesn’t have on energy drinks and burritos, a turn past them brings her to an elevator. 

Slick glinting silver encompasses her as she steps into the alleyway; impressively clean compared to the absolute grime of the city.  Likely to impress any corpos who come this way to get their cars. A quick tap of a button and the doors shut, elevator rattling as it descends down to the garage. 

A beat of silence and the elevator opens up to a hallway; black, gunmetal gray, and teal accents. The wall declares which sector she’s in and an arrow on the far wall tells her where to turn, as if there were anywhere else to go. The turn around the corner puts her directly in front of two large black double doors; PARKING over them in clear bold lettering. 

They slide open when she gets close and open up to the large parking garage, lights coming on as she sees all the slick fancy corpo cars. Sleek blacks and eye popping reds, none with any taste for design if you ask her. But nomads and corpos have...different aesthetics. 

“Eh, something I can help you with?” A male voice rings out, bringing her attention to the little station next to the blocked off exit for cars. The contact, she presumes. She comes over to his open window, the man dressed in uniform. 

“Padre sent me…” she signs, keeping things vague just in case this person has no idea why she’s here. 

“Gotcha,” he hits a button, “cameras are blind, you got twenty minutes.” 

She nods and goes looking through the cars, it’s the glow of neon that brings her to it. A parking spot marked off in the vivid blue glowing lights, they frame the Rayfield, and spell VIP on the wall behind it. 

Time to test the tech, she holds the device next to the door and presses its button, a blue light flashing. And then the Rayfield’s door opens, sliding back and up in one fluid motion, exposing the deep burgundy leather seats. Shit may actually be going right for once. 

She climbs into the driver’s seat, feeling wholly out of place in the plush designed car. The seat automatically adjusts to accommodate her, no doubt shorter than the owner, and the blacked-out windshield and window turn to crystalline clear glass. All that’s left is bringing the baby back to the bar and then she can get her intel on Sinclaire. 

A red caution symbol flashes in the windshield and her body tenses; a bad feeling creeping in. No, her luck can’t be running out already. 

Then the door opens and there’s a gun in her face. 

“Get the fuck out!” A Mexican accented voice yells out. 

If there is a god, he personally hates her, there is no other explanation, and she will fist fight him for his shenanigans. She looks up at the man standing before her, barrel at her forehead. He’s leaning down against the car, not unlike how the sheriff did to intimidate her back in Yucca. However, unlike the sheriff, this guy has the build to pull it off. He’s easily over a foot taller than her and wider than most doorway, all pure muscle with dark hair in a top knot, gold cybernetics adoring his face. She puts her hands up in mock surrender for a moment. 

“Nothing personal, jaina, just biz.” 

V goes to gun it, to stomp her foot down on the gas, but before she can the man has the back of her hoodie and is unceremoniously ripping her out of the vehicle. 

“You fuckin’ deaf, chica, fuck out of the car, now!” He’s able to manhandle and pack her around like it’s nothing, like carrying a housecat. 

She grabs the hand on her hood and digs her fingernails in, swinging her foot out to kick him while her other hand goes for her gun. 

Then there’s a steady rev of engines, tires squealing and growing ever closer. Confusion coloring her assailant’s face and he drops her, looking around. 

“The fuck…” 

He starts to say and then there’s two police cars rushing into the parking lot, skidding to stops in front of them. And its fucking overkill, if she rang 911 because she was shot, they’d maybe send an officer out in three weeks. One fucking corpo has someone break into his car and it’s the end of the universe, need a full brigade. 

The headlights of the cruises are blindingly bright and she struggles to adjust; putting her hands up as police officers come out with guns at the ready. It’s a car for fucks sake. 

“Don’t move!” 

Her attacker carefully slides his gun across the cement, to show he’s not a threat and maybe she’d consider doing the same if she cared; but she doesn’t. 

“You’re under arrest!” 

“Stay where you are!” 

The police continue barking orders, as if the two hadn’t piece together what was happening or what was being asked of them. They’re not stupid. 

“Hands where I can see them, nice and slow!” 

He can already see them, why must they go through the rigamarole. She doesn’t have time for this shit. 

“On the ground motherfuckers, right now!” 

V is able to watch for a second, as a female cop cuffs and pushes the big guy onto the ground. Then in the next second she’s down there too, but they don’t cuff her like they do him. The officer only holds her hands down to the pavement, maybe they think because she’s smaller they don’t need the cuffs, at least not yet. 

“Jackie Welles, my old pal from the hood,” a voice rings out, “See you haven’t grown an ounce wiser.” 

“Hey,” big guy, apparently Jackie, responds and she shifts her head against the pavement to see him being held down in addition to the cuffs, “argh, Detective Stints, been a while, huh?”

“Inspector Stints,” the man responds now stepping out where he can be seen in front of the bright lights, he picks up the gun Jackie put down. 

“Same shit,” Jackie says with a laugh. 

“But you, you’re new,” Stints comments as he walks over and crouches down in front of her, looking over her face.

He waits, anticipating her to say something, but she talks with her hands and they’re currently pinned behind her back. And sure she possesses the technical ability to speak, her vocal chords do function. But she doesn’t, unless she’s alone or highly emotional. She used to talk to her mom, sister, and Ava…but those days are gone. 

“Spit it out? Cat got your tongue?” Stints taunts and she still remains silent. 

“Think her voicebox might be broken, Stints,” Jackie comments, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Pfft, probably just another piece of Heywood trash, another termite who’ll live and die here. Just like you Welles.” 

“Fuck off, just tell us what you got planned,” Jackie grumbles. 

“Gonna be booked, gonna do a stint, heh, get it?” He says with a grin. 

“C’mon Stints, cut us a break, huh? You lock us up, we’ll just jerk off till trial and then what?”

She has no intention on jerking off anywhere, but alright.

 “Worst case,” Jackie continues, “we get a few months, standing room only nowadays. In el bote. Hell, we’ll probably be out early.” 

“These the thieves? Ordinary street trash,” a heavily accented voice comments, a Japanese man in a shimmery golden colored vest comes walking over. 

“Shit, he’s here,” Inspector Stints groans before standing, “got them in custody Mr. Fujioka. We’ll be taking them, now.” 

“It’s a waste of effort, I have no time to testify or play at an investigation.” 

“Suggesting we let ‘em go, sir?” 

“I’m suggesting you throw them in the sea; cuffed, legs broken, so this trash doesn’t float.” 

And with that the man starts to walk away, making his way back to the club, she’s sure, continuing his night of debauchery as if he hadn’t ordered the murder of two strangers just because he could, because he didn’t have time for a trial. And god, she knows she probably has no room to judge anyone else’s morals, but just fuck corpos. 

“You heard him,” the inspector says, because corpo cash pays his salary, she’s sure. 

“Fuuuuck….” Jackie curses as they start to drag him up on his feet by the cuffed hands and she her own arms are wrenched back and cuffed. 

V gets her feet back under her, moving with the pull as they manhandle her off the ground, she kicks back at the officer behind her. Her foot connects with their calf, causing them grunt out in pain as they’re knocked off balance loosing their grip on her wrists. She jumps as high as she can and brings her cuffed hands under her feet to her front. 

Jackie follows suit, kicking the officer off of him, but with his size it knocks them flat on their ass. He shoulder checks another pig as V makes a dive for the Rayfield, it’s door still open amongst this chaos. She lands herself in the drivers seat and hits the ignition. 

“Stop resisting!” Officers yell, fingers on the trigger, and no, that’s not happening. 

“Wait up, chica!” Jackie yells out and she hits the button to open the passenger side door; he’s an asshole, but she’s not leaving him to be thrown in the fucking ocean. 

He throws himself down in the passenger side and she guns it, doors shutting on each side as she takes the turn out the parking exit. She watches from the corner of her eye as Jackie, who’s barely able to fit in the bougie car, brings his cuffed hands down as low as he can. He grunts and curses, not quite as flexible as she is. With effort and twisting, he’s able to get the chain of the cuffs under his foot and then he stomps down while yanking his hands up. The little chain doesn’t stand a chance, breaking into pieces and pinging about the interior as it does so. 

“Much better,” Jackie comments, looking at his wrists which now just have the manacles of the cuffs. 

She rolls her eyes, bringing her attention back on the road and she expects to see sirens chasing after them, but it never happens. Are the cops not chasing them? They should be chasing them? Is she not getting in her second high speed chase since coming here?

“Honestly,” Jackie starts to talk again, he talks a lot, “I was just gonna let Stints free us, but I like the way you think, this way we get the Rayfield too.” 

“What?” She takes a hand off the wheel to sign. 

“Oh shit, you’re actually….my bad…” He awkwardly apologizes for asking if she was deaf earlier because, yes, yes she is. 

“What do you mean, free us?” 

“Stints is a softie as far as pigs go, got Heywood in his blood, would never throw us in the fuckin’ ocean cause some corpo said. And, you can slow down, he won’t chase us, chica.”

“Oh…okay,” she signs, pulling up to a curb, something else to take care of. 

“We stopping here?” 

“You are,” she signs before pulling her gun out and pointing it at him, signing with her other hand, “get out of the car.” 

“Really, chica?” He rolls his eyes, like he didn’t pull this shit on her five minutes ago. 

“Wouldn’t have let you in if I knew Stints was a softie, I got a job to finish, get out.” 

“A fixer line this up for you?” 

“Yeah…” 

“Padre?” 

“Yeah…are you gonna get out of the car or…?” 

“Listen, I was gonna klep the car and then find a fixer to sell it for me, but if you already got Padre involved, we’ll go halfsies.” 

“You pointed a gun at me!” 

“You’re pointing a gun at me, right now!” 

“You did it first!” 

And he laughs and she does too, because they sound like children bickering over who pushed who on the playground. Its dumb and ridiculous and why does she like him? His smile is warm and kind, something about him, welcoming. She drops the gun, tucking it back in her waistband. She press her hand under her mask, trying to suppress her giggles. The tension that’s been clinging to her has snapped. Her body feels lighter, like she can breathe a bit better. She closes the passenger side door, he may be chill, or she’s just easily charmed. But, she’s still going to fuck with him, just a little. 

“Okay, fine, we’ll go halfsies.” 

“See, now you’re making sense,” he grins as they pull out back onto the road, “Jackie Welles.”  

“V…it’s…nice to meet you? I think?” 

“Heh, not from around here, right?” 

“Nah, but, from the sounds of it you’re a local.” 

“Heywood in my veins, chica,  where we meeting Padre?” 

“El Coyote Cujo.” 

“Of course.” 

“You  know the place?” 

“I’ve heard of it,” he says, grinning wide, a joke she’s clearly not in on, “Ah, I got a good feeling about this.” 

“About what?” 

“Us, you and me got chemistry.” 

“Do we now?” 

“Oh, don’t give me that, you feel it too, heard that laugh.” 

“Sure, whatever you say,” she teases as she pulls into the El Coyote Cujo parking lot, pulling the slick corpo car into a spot, “got a phone on you?” 

“You don’t?” 

“I literally have lost everything I own,  alright? Call Padre and put it on speaker.” 

“Fine, fine,” Jackie gets out his phone and calls Padre, phone in one hand and the other stretched across the back of the seats. 

“Jackie? To what do I owe the pleasure.” 

“Here with your newest find, V, we got the Rayfield.” 

“You helped her out?” 

“Well…” 

“He pointed a gun at me and nearly had me thrown in the ocean.” 

“Seems like I have a car and a story waiting on me, I’ll be there shortly.” 

A pain aches in V’s head, migraine spreading across her temple as Jackie hangs up. She rolls the car window down, allowing the chill of the winter night seep in, hoping the fresh air will ease her pain.  V wants a shower, there’s still blood in her hair and she’s sure she still smells like trash. Though, no one’s been cruel enough to point it out. But, she has no idea where she could grab a shower. Why the fuck does her head hurt so much? The pain a steady throb across her entire head. She pinches the bridge of her nose, it didn’t even ache this much when she first came too in the dumpster. 

“You alright V?” 

“Head hurts,” she signs, before turning off her hearing aids, hoping that shutting out the city sounds will help. 

“When’s the last time you ate, chica?” Jackie says, making sure to stay in her eye line as he leans over the middle console, though his biceps nearly touch her even when he isn’t.  Her mask reading his lips to give him subtitles. . 

When was the last time she ate? She didn’t eat all day because she was in a dumpster passed out. The day before was the smuggle run and she didn’t eat before she left Yucca.

“Two days ago.” 

“Fuckin’ for real, no wonder your head’s wonky, once we finish the deal we’ll get some grub.” 

“What made you think that was why?” 

“Ah, my mama gets those migraines when she stops eating from stress, Vik and me keep telling her to take care of herself, but she’s too busy taking care of everyone else.” 

“You and your mom close?” V can’t help but ask, thinking about her own mother for a moment. 

“Oh yeah, family’s important, gotta have people you can turn to out here.” 

“Yeah…” 

“What-”

Headlights shine in through the back glass of the Rayfield, bring their attention to Padre pulling into the parking lot.  His arrival ending whatever question Jackie was about to ask, which may be for the best. She’s not ready to answer questions about family. Not when her head is throbbing, she’s filthy, and her stomach is empty. Padre’s driver comes to a stop and they see Padre gets out of the back. V turns her hearing aids back on, knowing it will make the conversation flow easier as her and Jackie get out of the Rayfield. Her arms collecting goosebumps from the air. 

“Jackie, it’s nice to see you again, how have you been?” He greets Jackie warmly

“Ehhh, can’t complain, same old same old, making new friends,” he says with a grin, nodding his head towards V.

“Never can have too many of those. It’s always nice to chat once business is done.” 

One of Padre’s bodyguards has already climbed into the driver’s seat of the Rayfield. Enging revving up and then fading off into the night as he leaves. Officially finishing up their business. 

“Uh,” Jackie raises an eyebrow, “you getting senile on me, Padre, this is usually the part where eddies change hands.” 

V’s smirking and trying not to laugh behind her mask. Padre gives a look at V’s direction and she looks down at the ground, pursing her lips so she doesn’t laugh. 

“I’m afraid I’m not quite sure what you mean.” 

“Ah,” Jackie nods, like he gets it, “no worries, V agreed to go halfsie with me on the Rayfield gig.” 

“Halfsies?” Padre raises an eyebrow, smiling at V, he seems to find her joke at least a little funny. V can’t help the giggle that spills out.

“Am I missing the joke here?” 

“Well, I’m afraid, this was an unpaid job for V here.” 

“What?” Jackie shoots her a sharp look, disbelief coloring his expression. 

“Don’t spend it all in one place,” she taunts. 

“Fuck you!” 

She bursts out laughing, holding her stomach as she cackles behind her mask, the sound echoing strangely through it. But, she can’t stop. 

“You stole a million eddie car for free!? The fuck is wrong with you!?” 

“No, no,” she furiously signs, “I needed info.” 

“Speaking of which, I have your intel here,” Padre says, handing her a shard.

“Give me a moment, my lungs hurt.” 

“I’m glad you're entertained, that info better make you a billionaire.” 

“Nah, personal shit,” she collects herself, “thanks, Padre, it means a lot.” 

“You’re a good kid, make him pay, V.”

“Oh, I will,” V confirms, slotting the shard into a little opening on her mask, info displaying across it. 

The name of a chopshop that rumors say had a nomad vehicle come in, her Rattler no doubt. Sinclaire’s address and regular hang outs, exactly what she needs. Hopefully, he hasn’t had time to sell the cargo yet. If so, she’ll axe him and klep all his shit. 

“What happened?” Jackie asks. 

“Well,” she signs, before taking the shard out, “Sinclaire contracted me to transport some cargo, no fixer, so he fucked me over the second he got a chance. Bashed me over the head, threw me in a dumpster, scrapped all my shit, and took off with the cargo.” 

“So, that’s what that smell is?” 

“I will throw you,” she threatens, but she’s rolling her eyes and smiling. 

“I’d love to see you try, chica.” 

“The chop shop won’t be open until morning and it’s late. It’s up to you, but I’d recommend resting for the night.” 

“Yeah…” She signs, but she can’t help the slight pout. She has no money, no clothes, no food, no shelter. She’ll be sleeping on a bench or something tonight, not much rest. 

“You did good work V,” Padre pats her shoulder as he leaves,” I’m sure I’ll have more jobs for you in the future, paying ones, of course.” 

“Thanks again, Padre.”  

She rubs a hand down her face, migraine still thumping around in her head. Between not eating and having her hearing aids in all day, her head feels on the verge of exploding. 

“So, what’s the plan, jaina?” 

“My plan, why do you wanna know my plan?” 

“Because, you and I both know you’re up shit creek without a paddle here, V. No home, no family, no one to turn to. Night City ain’t a place that will let you get by on your own. Need people you can turn to, if you wanna survive.” 

“And what, you wanna be my friend?” She raises an eyebrow, taken aback by just how kind and friendly he’s really been. 

“Told you already, we got chemistry,” he grins again and it makes her smile, “be a crying shame to waste it.” 

“Okay, friend, what do we do now?” 

“You like chili?

“As a concept, sure.”  

“Settled then, get you a hot meal, change of clothes, a shower ‘cause you fuckin’ need it, and crash with me tonight.”

“And tomorrow?” 

“And tomorrow, we teach that pendejo a lesson, sound good?”  

“Sounds good to me.”

They’re all grins and smiles as they leave the parking lot, knocking shoulders together as they go, walking side by side down the neon lit streets. And she can feel it returning, that little buzz of hope she had in her chest when she first came here, the one she thought was beaten out of her by Sinclaire’s goons, it’s back and brighter than ever. Though not half as bright as Jackie’s smile as they turn a corner towards his mother’s house. 

[amazingdriverfics]

8

This is the last sad part for now, the next song I plan to do it smutty, so if you don’t like angst, please don’t give up on me.

Anyways, I wanted to thank you all for the 300 followers, when I started this blog I never imagined that anyone would like to follow it and now there are a ton of people who seem to care and for that all I can say is thank you. 

Hope you all like this :)

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: Kylo is a dick, angst, no happy ending. 

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader 

My masterlist  Song link

“I don’t want to see you anymore. Leave and never come back.” the words replayed in your head, the deep tone which once made you feel hot and caused butterflies to fill your whole stomach, now caused you agonizing pain. 

It had been just an hour since Kylo made you leave his quarters and his life forever, but you already felt stupid. You were a sobbing ball in your bed and all because of a man who had never been capable to love you - or anything at all -. 

——————————————————————————

You joined the Order at a pretty young age together with your best friend - Armitage Hux -. The two of you grew up together since your parents were really close and you became two inseparable beings. You were each other's family, after all, none of your parents were very loving. 

Just like him, you were very intelligent and methodic which allowed you to get to higher hanks before any other co-worker ever could.

As you became a General, your encounters with Ren started to become frequent, after all, he was the First Order’s Commander and Snoke’s apprentice. Unlike Hux, the presence of the force user didn’t make you furious, but intrigued. The amount of power and intimidation he transmitted only by standing in a corner all covered up in black clothes impressed you and, if you were honest, his distorced voice did things to you.

You let it be, the Commander never showed any kind of interest towards you and he rarely even noticed you were in the room unless he needed you for some work thing. Unfortunately for you, your thoughts didn’t control themselves like you did, the more time you spent with the dark knight, the dirtier your thoughts became. 

At first, that didn’t seem like a problem, after all, it wasn’t like you were going to make a move on Kylo fucking Ren, but everything changed when you discovered that he could listen to it. 

You were in your room, enjoying a bottle of your favorite wine when your door opened out of a sudden, revealing the figure which had been living in your head for a good thirty minutes. In instants you were on your feet, not giving yourself time to think what the invasion meant and the word ‘Commander’ leaving your lips. All you could think about was that you were screwed. 

You had no idea.

With anger showing through his mechanic voice Kylo told you to stop projecting your dirty thoughts to him, that it was inappropriate and that he wanted nothing to do with a disgusting subordinate before storming out of the place again, leaving a very hurt and confused you behind.

But of course that the king of mixed signals who didn’t give a fuck about other people’s feelings didn’t let you deal with the situation on your own and move on. 

The following day he appeared in your office and fucked you at your table, and against your better judgment, you allowed yourself to give what he wanted to him. Sexually you didn’t regret the encounter at all, but emotionally, you had just entered a journey which would tear your heart apart.

The dynamics of this side of your relationship with Kylo - if what the two of you had could even be considered this - was totally determined by him. The knight stated that what you had would never involve anything other than sex and that he would not devote any other feeling or time to you. The Commander also decided when the two of you would meet, what you would wear on it and what you would do like the perfect control freak that he was. Thanks to your daddy issues none of the red flags - which by that time were many - actually alerted you that the involvement would not end well.

And so you kept on being his perfect plaything, doing exactly what you were told to, keeping your feelings, questions and everything else to yourself as you tried hard to be convinced that all the pleasure he made you feel was worthy of the rest.

However, despite your constant tries to please him, nothing really seemed to be enough. Maybe you got that feeling because even after Kylo allowed you to see his face, he kept a cold facade which never made it clear to you if he actually liked your performance, maybe it was the lack of communication and maybe it could be the fact that he was a cold son of a bitch. 

Either way, you kept on ignoring his hot and cold games, your growing need to please the knight and, mostly, your also growing feelings for the monster under the mask. To be able to do it you drown yourself in work, doing late hours, having lunch in your office, taking tasks on weekends. Another important part of your plan in not dealing with your feelings was keeping Hux at bay, you knew he could see right through you every single time and if he asked you what was going on, there was no way you could lie to him, so you did your best to maintain light or work topics while talking to him alone and also to avoid being alone with the man. 

As months passed, the most unhappy you became, there was no way you could keep on bottling up your feelings and ignoring your best friend all in order to keep someone who couldn’t care less about you or what you wanted in your life. The truth was that becoming committed to a monster could never pay off, no matter how good he was at sex.

When your breaking point finally came, you dragged your ass to Armitage’s room and you made him spend all night calming you down as you cried your eyes out in his arms telling Hux about everything that happened ever since the night Kylo Ren busted into your quarters to humiliate you. 

The ginger man heard every single word leaving your mouth with the same amount of attention he had while listening to the Supreme Leader’s orders and as soon as you were done he soothed you, promising that he would help you find a way out of the situation you had dragged yourself into. 

At the end, the help never turned out to be necessary.

——————————————————————————

“Sit down” you heard his baritone voice as you entered his dark quarters, barely illuminated by the stars on the other side of the glass where Kylo stood by. 

Without questioning you did as you were told, sitting in the velvet black armchair, heart beating fast as it always did when you met the force user on your own. You were already waiting for the next instructions. 

“I’m talking, you are listening. I don’t want to hear neither do I care about what you might have to say” he stated, eyes cold as ever watching you as you shifted in your seat, beginning to feel uncomfortable with the situation. 

“I have been sensing your feelings for a while now and I cannot stress enough how disappointed I am at you. You were foolish enough to fall for me, someone who you knew would never be able to reciprocate it and your weakness to think about love as a possibility disgusts me” he started to destroy you, voice monotonous as ever and cold as his features expressed his disgust. 

You, on the other hand, were doing your best to fight the tears begging to stain your face, not wanting to make an even bigger fool of yourself in front of a man who already thought so little of you. 

“Listen carefully to my words now” he started, his hands embracing each other “I don’t want to see you anymore. Leave and never come back.”