#been working through art anxiety but im getting there

[indigo-flowers09]

Here have some mama roba doodles for me to rant under :]

big fat RANT under the cut. just wanted an excuse to post it by posting doodles

its about why i haven’t been posting as much and a bit about the c!overtale comic ( >vo) ~*

So. i have not been posting as much as i used to. and i definitely have not been updating c!overtale as much as i want to.

I get that as i get further and further into the school year i’m gonna have more work and it gonna get harder, but i’m still making good grades so i just haven’t had as much time or energy to work on c!overtale or digital art as i want.

First off, i’ve been drawing traditionally a lot more. i don’t post it often because it just doesn’t do as well on here compared to digital art. it’s what’s accessible to me at school and just. easier. right now.

i’m not the only person who gets into a cycle of (good at digital > bad at digital > good at traditional > bad at traditional > good at digital) right??? i’m just in a bad at digital swing right now

Second, C!overtale. I’ve REALLY been wanting to talk about it. just another reason i haven’t been posting as much.

so far, of what i haven’t posted, i have 2 pages completely finished, five more inked, and at LEAST 30 to 40 more thumbnailed. i’m planning on having the next update be seven pages total, and i’ve been working on them little by little for over a month now.

this is really taking a lot longer than i wanted but i know the quality of work i’m capable of producing and i want to achieve it. i don’t want to half ass something i’m so passionate about just for the likes or to satisfy my social anxiety telling me people already forgot about it.

Expect that update by the end of the month. i’m gonna try to wrap it up over thanksgiving break. i really am sorry it’s taking so long, i’ve been working on that and school and, shivers, self care ewww like healthier habits and all the doodling in the world. i doodle when life gets uncontrollably political. i hate politics.

if you actually read all the way through this, thank you and why????? have some more mama roba for your inconvenience. she’s giving clover a bubble bath :3

Also im working on a drawing that’s shaping up to be pretty good. hope y’all like yuri 😼

[worgbutch]

Wrong Scent.

[puppyeared]

if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified

[ultimateinferno]

Looking back I think one of the biggest things that got me through uni was that Canvas had calendars that showed when assignments were due and actually let me plan out what tf I was going to do without feeling overwhelmed.

Well... that and being a tutor/TA/lab assistant letting me work on homework during my shifts. Those two things really pushed uni from being agonizing to doable.

[jamesbukkakebarnes]

.

[professonalarttheclownfan]

Jealous

David x fem!reader

(I am obsessed with this man)

UPDATE-finally got round to editing it and making it a little better in my opinion.

You been hired as a part of the makeup team for the 3rd Terrfier having the first 2 be some of your favourite films, you were stoked beyond words.

The makeup and costuming department was a small due to a smaller budget. So you’d gotten the know the others well. It was the first day on set and you’d yet to meet any of the actors, getting the prosthetics ready, and talking through any final makeup changes with Damien.

You’d been given the golden ticket, working on the man himself, thee art the clown. Due to clashing schedules the cast read through was something you’d had to miss out on, so you really were a newbie. Having been in awe of David since Terrfier came out, getting to be so up close to him was a dream come true.

You’d come to set early to get set up and after talking with Damien, you grabbed your kit, laying out the things you needed and the order you’d use stuff in. Being able to be in the quiet was calming, your nerves were heightened, feeling like you were living in a dream. You were talented, but to be working with the likes of Damien and David had your head spinning.

A light knock pulled you out of your head, it was still slightly early but nothing major, still, the knock surprised you none the less.

“Come in” you called out, pushing your half empty kit bag on the the shelf. You hadn’t realised it was David that had knocked since you were stood with your back still facing the door.

“Thought I’d come say hey” his voice was gentle yet charming, you spun on your heels to face him, your cheeks turning up ward into a bright smile. There he was stood right there, within arms reach. You were taken aback at how truly handsome he was, you knew he was attractive from photos and panel videos but nothing like having him stand in-front of you in the flesh.

“Since you know we’re going to be spending hours a day together. Plus we never got to meet at the cast reading. I was kinda gutted you weren’t there. I love your work, especially that joker piece you did” he continued, letting out a small laugh.

“Hey! yeah, im y/n. It’s actually nice to finally meet you. I was so bummed I had to miss it. Im in shock that you know of my work! But thank you that really means alot!” You answered sticking your hand toward him, he returned the gesture. Gently placing his hand in yours and shaking it. You locked eye contact with the tall man, a blush rose to your cheeks, which in turn caused to look away.

You both clicked instantly, after light flirting and a conversation that seemed to flow like water, it was time to get him in the chair. This man was a charmer, you don’t know how you’d survive the duration of filming, you could already feel yourself gaining feelings for him.

~a couple of months into filming

You’d gotten to know David well, and he you. You two had become kind of inseparable. Finding that you both seemed to gravitate toward each other, even on days that David wasn’t filming you’d usually end up doing something together to get your and his mind off of work for a while. The early mornings and late nights you had together became the best part of the working day for both of you, although doing the makeup and taking the said makeup off was tedious, you and David got the trailer to yourselves and that time was filled with belly laughs and constant chatter between the two of you. Your feelings had developed for David, being around him so much just intensified them.

After filming finished, premiers and cons were beginning. Your name had gotten out there, you’d become as popular as the main cast especially due to all the content fans got from your and David’s outings.

~You’d been invited to a panel, along with David. You’d stood at the side of the stage. You’d never done anything like this before, your anxiety was through the roof, your knees shook as you waited shifting your weight from one foot to the other. You felt a firm squeeze on your shoulder you knew instantly who it was, David. He kept his arm over your shoulders whilst he stood beside you. As if he was magic, he could tell how nervous you were about the whole thing. You appreciated him.

“You’re gonna smash it pretty lady” he whispered to you, pulling you into a hug, he rested his chin on top of your head not letting go until he was called up onto the stage.

It was your turn, you tapped the tip of your middle finger against the pad of your thumb a habit you’d picked up to replace picking at the skin around your fingers when you got anxious, the crowd was far larger then you’d expected. You took the seat next to David, and plopped your self on the chair behind the long table.

The interviewer was pretty, no. Drop dead gorgeous. And you could tell she had eyes for David, you swallowed down the pit you had in your stomach. The flirting was obvious, she batted her lashes, pushed her arms to reveal more of her cleavage, all the text book things. You didn’t hate her, why would you? but you envied that she could probably have David right there and then if she wanted too. You were quiet on the stage, you’d usually be able to keep your anxiety in check and David picked up on this instantly, he hated seeing you struggling, he wanted to hug you, comfort you, but he couldn’t so instead he hooked his pinky finger on to yours under the table, if anything it helped calm him too.

If asked a question you’d answer and thank fans when ever they came up. You were extremely grateful and loved every single one of them, they meant you could be sat were you were today. But due to your inner turmoil you tried your best to stay composed remaining polite and appreciative but quiet. Jealousy bubbled, even though he sat there with his pinky intertwined with yours you’d convinced yourself he only viewed you as a friend, he was a charming beautiful soul, you hated being like this you were a grown adult. But with it mixed in with the shame and the embarrassment, for thinking about David romantically. Why would a man such as himself glance your way, when he was surrounded by such interesting, gorgeous women?

A fan had walked up to the mic situated in the audience, you were away with your thoughts and you hadn’t realised the fan had asked a question directed toward just you, having the majority of fans ask questions primarily for David you hadn’t realised this one was for you. You felt David unlink his pinky with yours and gently place his hand on your wrist, David gave your arm a slight stroke with his thumb to get your attention, offering you a reassuring smile whilst tilting his head ever so slightly toward the fan.

“Hey, Sorry! Could you repeat that? I didn’t quite hear” you smiled at the fan, feeling bad for not listening.

“Of course! hi I’m kay! im such a huge fan of you! So obviously me and the fans want to know what was your favourite thing to do in your down time when you weren’t working on the film? We’ve seen all the photos of your guys days out but I really wanna know!” Kay finished, it was an odd question but a sweet one at that with all the photos circulating of you and the cast hanging out, fans get curious.

“Hmm, probably just catching a film with David and sometimes other cast members every so often! Or me and David would find the BEST takeout places if we were filming in the same location for a while so we’d always get takeout then build Lego sets together. Elliot would join in when he wasn’t too busy too! Me and David also have a shared love of theatre so we’d catch shows together! Especially musicals. I think having down time when filming a project like this is highly important! being around guts and gore is so so fun but day in day out can get tiring”

The fan seemed super happy with the answer you gave, but what you did miss out was any time you spent with David was your favourite when working or not, even when the job load was stressful David made it all feel okay again.

You were desperate to get off of the stage, your emotions were starting to drain you and so was your social battery and thankfully the panel was coming to a finish,

“We want to thank the panel today! to the wonderful David and Y/n!” The lady said, the crowd erupted with applause, you thanked the crowd and left the stage. The interviewer nodded her head toward you as you walked off, you returned the gesture. Once off the stage you turned to wait for David releasing she’d swooped in to give David a goodbye hug, the hug lasted a while, and with that you walked away you needed air.

Mentally beating yourself up for ever thinking there was something special between you and him, surprised at yourself for just walking away, as you’d usually wait for David or vice versa. But you needed a breather. Being in love with this man was too much. Soon as the press and cons were over you’d have to go back to your old life anyway, a life that was a million worlds away from David’s . His new found stardom would mean, you’d soon become just another makeup artist he’s worked with. And it hurt.

You’d managed to make your way outside avoiding the large crowds of horror fans by navigating the labyrinth of corridors in the venue,“Hey, y/n wait up!” David called out to you, you hadn’t realised David was behind you, his tall frame taking large fast steps toward you making his way through the door that was propped open.

“Why’d you speed off? I saw you wait for me off stage for a sec then you vanished. I was gonna ask if you wanted to sneak off and go get coffee, luckily I’d seen you through the window” he smiled down at you once he caught up, your face was flush and red. It’s like you couldn’t even look at him, you’d made your self feel like a child with a one way crush.

“Just needed some air, big crowds, it’s all new to me.” You answered him, you both walked in sync with each other. You allowed yourself to take deep breaths, it was all abit overwhelming. From being around people you now considered family every day, to falling in love, to having to do press and premieres. To knowing it was all going to go back to how it was before again.

“Wanna sit?” He gestured toward a bench, and you obliged. You had seemed to manage to find a quiet haven away from the craziness that was just beyond a wall.

“Y/n, what’s really going on? I know you were anxious but on that stage, it’s like you’d lost your sparkle. And I know for a fact you can handle your anxiety like a badass.” he was so in tuned with people, especially yourself.

“I don’t know, I guess I was in my own head. Which I shouldn’t have been. The fans had come from far and wide. And I sat there, like an idiot” you looked toward your feet, kicking at the dry, dead leaves that lay on the floor.

“well, despite what’s going on in that head. You did well, I could tell you were struggling with something but the fact you got up there and did it anyways. I’m proud of you” he once again smiled at you, nudging you lightly with his shoulder.

“Thank you David, I’m so proud of what we’ve all created. But those crowds dude. They’re intense” you said whilst letting out a long breath,

“Y/n, wanna know something funny, the interviewer slipped her number in my pocket whilst we were leaving the stage! That’s an old school trick if I ever did see one.” He laughed, suddenly the jealousy came bubbling back in your stomach again, you gave a pathetic attempt at a laugh back trying to hide the hurt but failing miserably , you were never an actor.

“Bless her, I’m sure some horror film buff will make her happy” David said as he took the piece of paper out of his pocket and crumpled it in his fist. You looked at him,

“Your not going to text her?” You questioned, genuinely confused.

David looked at you, raising an eyebrow, “Why would I want to text another woman when I’ve got the woman I want right next to me.”

Your eyebrows knit together,

“Y/n, have you not caught on yet? You think I let just anyone paint my nails” he stated, as if the question was rhetorical.

you chuckled, genuine this time, “Yes David, because you’re so sweet if someone asked if they could paint your nails you’d let them” smiling at him, he was a man to be cherished.

“Well that’s besides the point, y/n. I am absolutely crazy about you. Silly. Head over heels or what ever you want to call it. I’m in love with you. And I need to tell you now, before you have to go back, other wise I’d never do it.”

You grabbed his arm, hooking yours onto his, relaxing into the bench and crossing your leg over the other in the process. A smile so wide slapped on your face you’d look manic to anyone walking by.

“Good, because im in love with you too. And thank god, because it means I don’t have to be jealous anymore” you smirked at him, as he turned to look at you, a grin plasters on his face too.

“Jealous nelly are we? I could tell you weren’t fond of that interviewer” he said as he leaned in, to finally kiss you.

[pigcowboys]

hiii!!! may i request headcannons or smth for doing arts n crafts or pottery with percy pleaseee!!! :3 thank youuu have a nice dayyy

pairing: percy jackson x gn!reader

warning(s): mutual pining, kissing, fluff, incorrect pottery knowledge, physical touch.

summary: percy helps you with your pottery assignment

a/n: HI!! TYSM FOR REQUESTING :D, this request is adorable too I’ve always loved this pottery trope it’s so cliche 😭😭 im currently working on the missing FIC but! I wanted to post SOMETHING cause it’s been so long.

happy halloween to anyone who celebrates it!

percy peered into the arts and craft room curiously, looking around at the abandoned looking room. a smile made its way onto his face as he took notice of you, practically skipping over to you.

you huffed as you picked at the dried up clay on your hands, flinching slightly when percy slung a hand over you, pulling you towards him with a smile.

“what’re you doing?” he asked, peering over your shoulder curiously. you barely moved, adjusting your shoulder so he’d rest comfortably.

“making — or well, trying to make a vase.” you turned to look at him through your peripheral. percy stared at the discombobulated mess of clay that he assumed was your attempt at that.

“i’m guessing this is a more..artistic take on that.” he joked, nuzzling his face further into your shoulder. “did you come here to laugh at me or something?”

“truth? maybe.” he grinned. “that and, i just missed you.” you rested your head against his own which laid in the crook of your shoulder, cradling it with your clay stained hands.

“flattery will get you nowhere, percy.” you smiled at him. “but, i missed you too.” you leaned forward, moving Percy’s head out of your shoulder in the process. he moved to sit beside you, looking at the mess in front of you with a confused look. you met his gaze, offering him a dazed grin.

“do you want some help?”

“yes, please.”

percy laughed slightly, standing up and plopping down behind you. you adjusted to the feeling of him behind you, giggling slightly when his hands brushed your rib cage as it came to hold onto your waist.

you eyed him curiously before clearing the kiln of any excess clay. Percy watched closely as you placed a fresh lump of clay onto the wheel, watching closely as you began to toy with the shape of the clay. his head found it’s way over your shoulder as he braved against your back, removing his hands for your waist.

your breath caught in your throat at the proximity but paid it no mind, pushing down your anxiety in favor of focusing.

“here,” you said, motioning for Percy to bring his hands forward to which he did, hovering on the wheel with uncertainty as he waited for your next command. “shape the lower half, i’ll work on the top half, okay?”

percy hummed in agreement, leaning to the right of you as he used his lithe fingers to curve the lower half of the vase. you two worked in tandem despite the close proximity and the straying thoughts that would flash in your mind every few minutes about how you could feel percy’a breath against your neck.

you felt like you were going crazy, especially when your hands absentmindedly wander further down towards the lower half of the vase, grazing Percy’s own hands which were moving up at the same time. in real time the contact only lasted about a minute or two but you felt like the lasted well over ten.

it seriously didn’t help when Percy inched forward as you were turning to observer the wall mounted clock in the arts in crafts room, locking eyes with him for moment before whipping your head back to focus on what you were actually supposed to be doing.

the situation was so awkward and it was only punctuated by percy talking enthusiastically about something that crossed his mind as you tried your best to listen to what he had to say. though, at this point you were down for the count and there wasn’t anyway to just slip out from the position you’d put yourself in.

your mind wandered and you turned to look at percy as he spoke, mind getting caught on the pinkish hue of his lips. they looked, regular — you guessed. just..really nice. and inviting. and cute kind of? can lips be cute? maybe not, but, his were.

Percy trailed off as he caught wind of the fact you were zoned out, fixating his eyes towards wherever it was you were looking at and flushing when he did. a nervous laugh slipped through him that caused you to snap out your daze as he murmured out your name.

“you’re not listening are you?”

“i am.”

“y’know I hate that I doubt that.”

you frowned, a bad attempt at looking offended by the complete and total truth that Percy was accusing you of doing.

“what makes you think I’m not?” you asked, turning back to focus on shaping the clay. percy stilled for a moment before leaning forward, breath fanning against the shell of your ear.

“ the fact you keep staring longingly at my lips.”

you flinched at the sound of his voice, whipping your head back to look at him and simultaneously digging into the clay that was still rotating. you cursed, removing your hands from the wheel as you shifted out from your spot in-front of Percy.

he looked at you with slight amusement as he stopped the spinning, getting up to follow after you, who had walked over to the sink — washing your hands furiously while also trying to calm your racing heart.

percy walked over slowly, observing you silently before taking a spot next to you to wash his hands. you didn’t spare him a glance when he did, only shifting slightly so he’d get access to the sink as well.

“ are you embarrassed or something?” he spoke up suddenly

“wh—” You snapped your head towards Percy with a genuine look of bewilderment in your face. “no!” you frowned at him, heart beating in your ears and he stared you down. well, you had to give it to him, the guy had amazing eye contact.

“you just caught me off guard.”

“caught off guard or caught red handed?”

“caught off guard.”

percy looked at you like he trying to analyze you, hands flapping in the wind as he shook off the water that was on his hands. you turned your back towards him, reaching for the towel that was a near the sink, drying your hands. now, how were you supposed to come up with an excuse that could get you out of this?

“hey,” Percy spoke once more, a slight seriousness in the tone of his voice. you turned your head towards him curiously. “we could try it.”

“try..?”

“kissing.”

“each other?” you asked, complete shock on your face.

“no, the clay.” he quipped, expression faltering when his response was met with silence from your end. “it’s..okay if you don’t want to — i just thought it would be.. uhm, good for practice?”

“yeah, cause i kiss people every other month or so.”

he shrugged. “you could be living a double life.” you shot him a look, a sigh escaping you. he wasn’t joking right? like, this wasn’t a prank..right? you racked your brain from specifics, trying your hardest to walk through the idea before reluctantly opting to give into it.

it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

“c’mere,” you murmured, and Percy obeyed your order almost immediately. your breath caught in your throat as he approached you carefully, placing his hand on your shoulder. you looked up at him like a deer in headlights, causing a laugh — or more like a cackle to escape his lips.

you gave him an unamused look. percy smiled warmly, clearing his throat before moving his hands towards the underside of your chin, angling it up. you closed your eyes expectantly, gulping as Percy’s breath fanned over your lips.

he hesitated for a moment before leaning in and locking lips with you after a pause. you pursued your lips against his own, hands coming to rest on his chest as you fiddled with the strings of his hoodie.

you were stiff in his hold, something that he could feel as he pressed into your body. his other hand reached up to rest on your hands which was rested against his chest in attempt to soothe your nerves. you relaxed in his hold, titling your head slightly as you pull back for air before going back in.

Percy pulled away from the kiss finally, a small sigh escaping his lips as he gazed at you longingly. he opened his mouth to say something, lips pressing shut as he stood in silence. you felt as if it was now your turn to ease the tension, a smile breaking out on your face in an attempt to soothe his fears.

“that was..a solid 8/10..”

percy grinned, removing his hand from under your chin as he cradled your torso. “2 points off?” he smiled. “How come?”

You shrugged. “you were pretty stiff.”

“you’re talking?”

you punched him playfully, sliding out of his grip carefully as you inches back towards the wheel.

“come on, let’s finish this, okay?” you turned towards him. “i’lil let you do a redo afterwards.”

percy stared at you with starstruck eyes, briskly walking back over to the pottery station.

[callmelola111]

guilty conscience ☆ part one

⭑ part 2 , part 3 , part 4 , part 5 →

synopsis: it’s your first year at college and you’re 1,500 miles away from home. you’d feel completely alone if it wasn't for your attractive roommate ellie. will this attraction complicate the already uncharted territory? or will she be the answer to all your problems?

      |✯| pairing & wc: college!ellie williams x roommate!reader. wc: 1.4k

      |✯| cw (by part): 18+ themes (MDNI), fem reader, modern au!ellie, feelings of angst, sexual themes on like the verge of smut, some swearing

a/n: hey lovelies!!!! this my first time posting a fic so plz enjoy. feedback is appreciated as long as it is constructive. im new to all of this, and still learning. i plan on making this into a series so expect more coming soon. sorry if this chapter is very reader-centric. once reader gets to know ellie better, i’ll write more about her perspective. this will be a slow burn despite part 1 already having sexual themes (lol sorry, couldn't help it), but do expect eventual real smut <3 <3 (p.s: lets b mutuals, message me!!)

As you packed the last of your belongings into your parents' 2008 Toyota, excitement was the last thing you were feeling. When speaking about college, most people explained this coming of age experience with phrases like “change”, “hard work”, and “no sleep”. These pessimistic descriptions made the big move that much harder. Unlike your friends from high school, you were crossing multiple states to attend your dream school. You would’ve been stuck in your home state too if it wasn’t for your impressive art portfolio which earned you a full-ride. Art school is where you know you’re meant to be, but the anxiety of doing it alone lingered.

Of course you were happy to be escaping the grapples of your small Republican town, but you couldn’t help but wonder if 1,500+ miles would really be the solution to all your problems.

                                          ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★

“God where is she??” you grunt to yourself. The brown swivel chair provided as dorm furniture was your only source of entertainment. You spun around in circles, checking your phone every few minutes. You were anticipating a text from Ellie Williams. Through the cracked screen your phone read 11:03pm and the notification wall was empty.

Ellie is supposed to be your roommate. The two of you had met through the university's online roommate matching system. Your interactions were limited to the few texts sent back and forth about move-in times and who’s bringing what. Ellie was supposed to show up 5 hours ago to move in her stuff but she never arrived. You consider messaging her to check-in but Ellie’s previous texts wreaked of un-interest so you thought it best to leave her alone. You knew nothing about the girl, or even what she looked like, but with her stand-offish demeanor and your overthinking, a friendship didn’t seem in the cards.

Another half-hour passes before the sound of keys rattling pulls you out of your trance. Realizing you’re about to be face-to-face with your new college roommate, you snap up from your slouched position and push your hair behind your ears in preparation.

The slender door lazily swings open and your gaze quickly shifts to the faux wood floors. There was a sense of hesitancy, like you weren’t ready to see your fate just yet. A pair of dirty, black converse covered in writing sulk into your line of sight, triggering you to look up. As you did, your eyes were met with the most jaw-droppingly beautiful girl you’ve ever seen. Peeking through her messy auburn locks were piercing jade green eyes and an angular nose scattered with freckles.

It was Ellie Williams, and she was the epitome of “cool girl". Your head spun with all kinds of thoughts as your physical body went idle. You sat before Ellie gawking until she broke the awkward silence that had gone unnoticed by you. 

“Uh, hi… I’m sorry for coming in so late… some stuff came up. But uh, I’m Ellie Williams.” She held her right hand out towards you to shake it. It took you a second, but you snapped out of her spell and quickly shook her hand in return.

“Shit- Ellie, hey, it’s uh, nice to finally meet you.” You stumbled through your words as nerves overpowered your usual confidence.  There was an obvious awkward tension between the two of you. A typical feeling when moving in with a complete stranger.

Silence loomed in the air as Ellie took a stationary tour around the small, 12 x 20 ft. dorm. She surveyed your side of the room, taking note of any items that could hint towards who you are as a person. Her eyes stopped on a band poster you had hung up just hours ago. 

“You listen to Sleater-Kinney?” she inquired. 

“Hell yeah, they’re one of my favorite bands. Honestly anything in the riot grrrl music scene is right up my alley. Do you listen?” you replied with more enthusiasm and less nerves than before. 

“Yeah, yeah I do,” Ellie answered nonchalantly. You took note of her answer realizing what it could mean. Sleater-Kinney was like the gayest band ever, and Ellie definitely knew that. Maybe she just likes them for their music, but it's possible she also found the lyrics laced with sapphic pining to be relatable. Selfishly, you were dying to know her sexual orientation. Ellie seemed like too much of a stranger to ask her outright and so the game of reading between the lines began. Little did you know, Ellie was wondering the exact same thing about you. 

It was getting late and Ellie decided to save unpacking for the morning when she wasn’t so tired. You climbed onto your stiff dorm mattress and fluffed your pillows for sleep. Ellie did the same in her bed. 

“Is it cool if I turn out the lights now?” you asked, still navigating the new social dynamic as roommates. Ellie replied with a gentle hum and you hit the switch turning the room pitch black. As you lay in bed all you can think of is Ellie and the future. You didn’t know what it was, but you knew she was special, and you yearned to understand her. With these thoughts in mind, your eyes slowly begin to droop and you slip into a deep slumber. 

The next thing you know Ellie is sitting at the foot of your bed staring straight into your soul. Her beautiful green eyes felt especially intense as the rest of her face was shadowed from the dark room. 

“Ellie- I-” you could barely get out 2 words as you sat up from bed flustered. You felt like prey and she was the hunter… and you liked it. Ellie slowly inched her way toward you, crawling on hands and knees. She didn’t have to say anything, you knew what she wanted.

Your plush thighs sat between her knees and her crotch hovered over yours, heat being exchanged. You wanted her so bad. You needed her. Ellie took your chin in her hand and pulled you in close. You exchanged breaths as her lips brushed up against yours. She couldn’t wait any longer and pressed her face into yours, capturing your lips which she so longingly desired for. You fell back onto your pillows and she followed intently.

Her body lay pressed against yours and she desperately shoved her wet tongue into your supple mouth. It was ravenous and you wanted more. You knew she did too as you began to feel the rotation of her hips digging into your pelvis. The heavy breaths coming from her swollen lips were in sync with the fervent grinding. You bucked your hips towards her in a frenzy. Ellie took her veiny hand and ran it along your waistband. As she began to slip it into your pants... you woke up to discover your own hands cupping the heat below and Ellie nowhere to be found. 

“What the fuck.” is all you could say. You pulled your hand from your pants and stared at the slick spider-webbing between your fingers. God this was humiliating. You climbed out of bed to wash your hands and glanced at the clock. It was 7:15am and Ellie was already gone. That seemed kinda odd for a 19 year old college student. You wondered where she had disappeared to so early in the morning.

Soon, the over-thinker took over and you began to grapple with the possibility that you said something out loud during your naughty wet dream. What if Ellie heard you? God what if you moaned her name?? What would you even say if she brought it up? Before you could formulate a hypothetical response, Ellie walked right through the door.

“AHh-” you yelped, startled by her presence. Ellie backed into the doorway holding a coffee in each hand. 

“God, sorry, you scared me.” you explained. Ellie shuffled back inside, twiddling her thumbs trying to decide what to say.

“Sorry, I just left to grab some coffee early this morning. I couldn’t sleep.” She continued, “I brought you one too. As an apology, for any trouble I might have caused by showing up at almost midnight to move in…”. Your cheeks flushed with color and you hoped she didn’t notice.

“Oh, thanks Ellie, that's nice. I promise there was no harm done.” you answered, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. Seemingly enough, this news meant she was awake while you were, ya know... dreaming. Ellie definitely wouldn’t bring a pervert coffee though. Right? Either way, you knew one thing for sure, you've got to have her.

  ← masterlist ⭑ part 2 →

[strrykais]

lie with you - not a date 📖

word count 1k.? (i lost track)

jisung was shitting bricks. he rarely has people come into his sanctuary, and much less girls. he has only had a total number of 3 girls in here. one his mom, two his ex and the last was you.

you made jisung really nervous, he fully couldn’t understand why. he kind of just pinned it on his social anxiety and went along his day. you were always so kind to him and you never really pushed him to do things that made him uncomfortable. in all honesty it started the day yall got stuck in the elevator. thats when the little feeling in his stomach started to form.

so with 7:30 creeping up on him, jisung is pacing the apartments living room trying to calm his beating heart.

“ji you okay? you look like you are gonna throw up.” donghyuck says walking out the smush room getting it ready for his one nighter.

“yeah im fine.” jisung quickly dismisses donghyuck wiping his sweaty hands on the front of his jeans.

“don’t be so nervous its just yn. you will be fine.” he says patting his hand on jisungs shoulder. “its almost 7:30 you should probably head down there.”

“yeah you are right. it will be fine!” jisung wasnt so convinced. grabbing his belongings, he ops to take the stairs to buy him some more time before he had to face the music.

the knock on the door doesn’t even catch you by surprise. jisung was always punctual, so when you opened the door the wind blowing the small pieces of your hair back, you give a bright smile to jisung on the other side.

“come in, let me grab my jacket. im not sure how cold you keep it in the studio!” you say with a big smile of excitement. you loved that jisung was letting you into his art life. you wanted to show him you cared so of course when he offered the opportunity to see his studio you couldnt say no.

the walk to jisung’s studio was quiet, but in a calming way. jisung was too focus on not making a fool of himself. he was worried he would say the wrong thing and have you running for the hills. but he knew you would never especially when you basically watched him embarrass himself in the elevator last time.

you were more focus on your boyfriend, he hasn’t messaged you back since you told him you were helping out a friend. was he upset? mad at you? you weren’t sure why. you both could of been together tonight but when work calls he always answers. before you could go further into self doubt jisungs smooth voice pulls you out.

“im sorry were you saying something?” you asked. jisung gives you a small smile, pointing up at the skies the beautiful reds, pinks and blues mixing. “my favorite part of the day, its always been my favorite to paint.”

“crazy because this is my favorite time too. right before the stars come out.” jisung gives out a breathy laugh leading the both of you to what you assume is the studio.

it was a lot smaller than you envisioned it, in the corner sat a desk with scattered sketches and charcoal. on the other was an unfinished painting of a beautiful sunset.

“its cozy in here” you say breathing in the smell of the chemicals of the paint he had left out which now was hard as rock stuck to the palette.

you continued to walk around the studio jisung close behind. the last of the sun shinning through the large windows showing the outside world. you suddenly stop, causing jisung to slightly bump into you. he mumbles out a sorry but you didn’t hear him your eyes caught something.

“you haven’t used the paintbrushes i got you? they are nice you should use them!” you say reaching out to softly touch the bristles.

rubbing the back of his neck, jisung nervously laughs. “yeah i didnt want to ruin something like this. it was from you and i wanna treasure it.”

you smile at him “its a gift for you to use, if you really mess them up that bad ill just get you some new ones okay?”

“promise?” jisung helds out his pinky. you glance down at his much larger hand and wrapped your smaller pinky around his “promise.”

jisung smiled and lead you to the desk of unfinished charcoal drawing, “im working on shadowing with charcoal wanna be model” he says looking at you while you stare at the beautiful drawings he had laid around.

“yeah how do you want me.” you perked up ready to listen to whatever jisung said. ears turning red, he leads you to a stool and sits you down.

you guys hung out well past midnight chatting and playing around in his studio. he showed you the art in mastering charcoal drawings and on the way home you showed him the star constellations in the sky.

previous | masterlist | next

a/n : i was eating in the first half… maybe writing isnt for me. this was kinda bad….

tags : @onlyhyunjin

[psychhound]

[ID: a banner that reads "immigration sale" in large light letters, with "8 games 40 - 60% off" in smaller light text. the background is a home's porch with a rocking chair, with a light brown translucent text box over it. end ID]

HEY YALL I'M DOING A SALE

so my little brother @hmooncreates and his partner @paladinbaby are working to move in together!!! faun does not live in america and the visa application is Not Cheap so im having a sale to help out!!!

the goal is $150 but literally anything is awesome!! all proceeds will go straight to paying for the visa application

the sale includes some big games!! if youve seen my sales before, you'll be familiar with:

little shepherd, little spy: a solo or duet journaling game where you are a spy in the fairy war, delivering messages through your spy ring through coded messages in the books on your bookshelf

dead mans hand: a solo storytelling game where you travel around the weird wild west learning peoples stories through a poker hand oracle system

little celestial fieldwork guide: a solo or multiplayer city exploration photography game where you use tarot cards to get hints as to what objects little spirits are hidden as to catalogue them for your research

familiar field trip: a competitive multiplayer game where you are all witches' familiars causing havoc in the village, teaming up or betraying each other to get the most mischief points

some BRAND NEW GAMES that have NOT been on sale before are:

shadow/giant: a duet game where one player is a gruff, jaded adult and the other player is the magical child now under their care

the graveyard game: a solo journaling game where you interview people to write an ethnography of a magical, haunted graveyard

with breath & sword: a solo journaling game where you gear up and fight monsters in order to calm down from real-life anxiety, using grounding methods and breathing techniques

the narrator paradox: a solo narrating game where you have to wrangle your protagonist into listening to the story you're trying to tell and not defying the narrative

each game 40% off or get all 8 for only $18!!!

also check out hollis's fundraising sale with a zine and dating sim inspired ttrpg (its so so fun) and faun's fundraising sale commissions (theyve drawn most of the art for my dnd game theyre amazing)

checking the games out and spreading the word so appreciated!!! thanks yall!!!

[dekus-naughty-dikon]

You’ll kill for me?

Izuku Midoriya x Female Reader

TW:Mention of kidnapping, blood, sex, r*pe, murder, details of murder, and anything else I forget.

SMUT ONESHOT, mentions ‘daddy’ and other kinks. My first smut and oneshot Im sorry.

I don’t own this art and idk who did it I’m sorry.

Now imagine Izuku coming home late at night covered in blood that ain’t his. Some will say “I would freak out”, but you simply go

“Hey Izu, why are you covered in blood are you okay?” you go and check to see any injuries. You don’t see none but he starts to chuckle.

“I’m fine puppy, why are you still up?” he says as he pushes the hair in his eyes back. He’s looking at you with adoration but also concern as you never stay up this late, I mean it’s 3 am. Who would stay up that late when they have work in the morning?

“I- I was worried about you, and you know I don’t like sleeping without you,” you say quietly, still trying to find out where the blood came from. Little did you know, he knows why you aren’t asleep. Yes, you don’t like sleeping without and worrying about him, but you were kidnapped not even two weeks ago by an unknown man. He did terrible things to you trying to find out Izuku’s- the number one pro hero- weaknesses. His thinking it was you was a huge mistake on his part. You aren’t his weakness. You are his strength, and why he wakes up every morning. You’ve been having nightmares and suffering from PTSD since they found you. Izuku asked you to move in with him not even an hour after he found you- you all being together for two years, it was understandable. Now you’ve been living with him, and he’s been helping you through your trauma and nightmares. He is there to protect you, and it’s why you can’t sleep without him. You worry about him not only because he’s Japan's number one pro hero but because you love him dearly. You are a little obsessed, but you find it healthy as he is your hero and love. It is healthy- until someone gets in the way of you two being together- or until someone hurts you or him. You become unhinged and forget your natural morals as you don’t want to lose the only person you have left. You didn’t know he was the same way.

“Puppy, you know I’ll come home. Always. Tell me the real reason you are up?” he looks at you with a soft stern look, making sure not to scare you like he does others.

“I- I did tell you, are you hungry? Have you eaten?” you say, trying to change the subject and not get caught in a half lie. You haven’t eaten being so worried about him, and you barely eat anything due to your fear and anxiety due to your trauma. It has affected you greatly, but you try and hide it. You can’t hide anything from Izuku tho, though he is very observant. He sees right through you hiding your fear and pretending to be okay. He knows what that man did to you, and every second of every day since he found out you’ve been kidnapped, his anger grows. It’s like a hot flame that won’t go out even when you pour water on top of it. The only thing that can take out this flame is you being with him, safe and happy. You are safe and comfortable but scared and traumatized. You’ve been going through stages of depression for years now, and this has made it worse, even if you don’t admit it. He sees it all, though, and it makes him angrier at the people who have hurt you in the past and the man who hurt you recently. That man had no right to touch what was his, you.

“Now, puppy, no changing the subject. No, I haven’t eaten yet, but I was going to after I showered,” he says softly but sternly. “Have you eaten?” he looks at you up and down, seeing if any signs of malnutrition are there. You have gotten skinnier since the kidnapping, but you also became weaker physically. Do to the things that man has done.

“I-um…” you hesitate. You hate lying to him. You know if you lie, he will find out the truth. Even if he doesn’t get angry with you but tries and talk to you about why you should eat- sleep- or do anything to keep yourself healthy, you are scared one day he will snap at you as your past exes have. Like your mother and father did when you were a child, like your foster parents, or the kids you went to school with.

You look down at your feet, thinking of how to change the subject, but with your luck, your stomach growls. You go wide-eyed but quickly return to normal as you don’t want to give away what you haven’t eaten.

“I’ll take that as a no, baby; look at me, please,” he says quietly and softly. He tilts your head up by the chin and looks at you in the eyes. Your eyes help him see everything he needs, they help him calm down, and they are like stars in the night sky to him- beautiful. “Baby, why haven’t you eaten? What was the last thing you ate today?” he asked curiously and was full of concern.

“I- I ate some yogurt and fruit this morning after you left. I guess I just forgot to eat again,” you say. Your lips quiver in guilt as you hate doing this to him. Hate seeing him so concerned with you- and for what? Because you haven’t eaten or slept. “I’m sorry-“Before you could even finish your apology, he kissed you softly. It’s the only way to get you to stop talking when you are feeling like this. Kissing and holding you tight is the only way to help you see he isn’t angry or upset- he loves you with everything in him and wants you to be okay.

“No apologies, puppy. I’m not angry or upset, okay.” He looks at you softly and lovingly. “How about we go shower and eat something, okay? Then we can cuddle and try and sleep,” he says softly.

“O-Okay. But you never told me why you are covered in blood. Is it yours?” you say, wiping away the tears that were about to fall. You look over him closer and realize he isn’t hurt, not one scratch or bruise. You become concerned about what happened for him to be covered in blood like this.

“Don’t worry ab-“Before you can even finish, you stop him.

“No, tell me please,” you say desperately. You want to know, and curiosity is eating at you now. “I just want to know, Izu, you never come home this late without calling- even with your hero work. Let alone come home covered in blood,” you say. You start worrying more and more as he won’t tell you.

“Puppy, if I tell you- you might see me differently,” he says quietly and sadly. He takes his fingers off your chin, making you sad, but you ignore that for now. You are more concerned about why he thinks you might see him differently.

“What? You know I can never see you in any other way than I have- I always have. You know I love you.” you say with a small laugh. You are trying to help him see you will be okay with anything he tells you as long as he’s okay.

“You- you wouldn’t look at me the same. You might become scared of me and lea-“He starts the last part, but you shut him up with a kiss. You pull him closer, not caring if you get blood on you. It wouldn’t be the first time you were covered in blood for him anyways.

“Hush!” you say after the deep kiss. You say this loudly, which is very rare for you. It causes him to go wide-eyed and look at you in shock. You never speak louder than an inside voice- speaking this loud means you are serious about this and want to know. That or you got upset about what he was saying, if not both.

“I will never leave you, Izuku. I love you more than anything, and I will never be scared of you, understand?” You say sternly. Which is even more of a shock to him- and honestly, a turn-on. “Tell me please, I want to know Izuku,” you saying his name like this makes him want to kiss you deeply and never let you go, but it also makes him sad that you are getting upset with him enough to call him his full name.

“I.. I killed someone.” he whispered. He backs up and turns his back towards you. You look at him in shock- him killing someone? Never. You seen him get angry at villains before but never seen him at a point where you thought he would kill them. “I killed him Y/N. The man who hurt you. The man who-“ he stops for a moment to collect his words, “the man who kidnapped, tortured, and r*ped you. I killed him, happily. I was so happy when I did it. I was so happy when I found him finally. I would do it again for you- I will always do ANYTHING for you.” he says loudly and sternly. He tries and speaks softly with you always but right now he is so scared of what you might do he forgets everything.

You look at him, his back still facing toward you. You were shocked but had butterflies. Did he kill someone for you? All because they hurt you. You didn’t care he brought up what happened, and you didn’t care he mentioned what the horrible man had done to you. You just cared about him. The fact he killed someone for you makes you blush and have a belly full of butterflies. It makes your heart jump out of your chest with happiness and love. Sure, anyone would be scared hearing that, but you? You killed multiple people for him. The people that dared lay a finger on your man and get away with it. The women who try and get in between you, too- you don’t hesitate. Like him, you are happy when you do it and would do it again. You never told him as he is a hero, and murder is a crime.

You walk closer to him, which he hears and tenses up. He is scared of what you will say and do. He doesn’t want to lose you- he would go crazier than he already has. When he feels you behind him, he slowly turns around halfway but doesn’t look in your direction. His hands are in fists as he tries to control his fear tears.

“Look at me, please,” you say quietly and softly, which shocked him but made him more scared as you might leave him like this. He slowly turns his head towards you and looks you in the eyes. You see the fear and anger of mentioning that man again in his eyes. He, right now, is blind by fear and can’t tell what you are thinking or feeling.

“How? How did you kill him?” you say softly and curiously. This made him hesitate, but he was shocked. He isn’t going to hope you will stay because who will remain with a murderer? Yeah, who would stay with a murderer?

“I- I tortured him,” he whispered, looking done. He can’t make eye contact with you telling you this. “I stabbed him, choked him, everything someone does in a torture chamber. I got creative with some of it, but most of it was to see him in pain, like the pain he caused you,” he says, trying not to smile or smirk when thinking of that man’s face in agony.

“Oh, wow,” you say a little louder. What shocked him was you sounded interested- you had wide eyes and a slight smile, but he was still looking down, so he didn’t see this and got scared. “Did he beg?” that made him look up quickly. That’s when he saw the wide eyes and slight smile you were trying to hide.

“Yes,” he says carefully. Trying to examine your reaction, but he was too confused and blind by fear still to understand anything you were expressing. “Yes, he begged, like a bitch.”

“Good,” you say. He goes wide-eyed as your smile is clearer to see, and you hug him tightly.

“W-what? You aren’t mad or upset?” he says, still shell-shocked at what is happening.

You stop the close hug just enough to look him in the eyes. “No, why would I be?” you ask curiously. You see nothing wrong with killing someone for the person you love most.

“I-I killed someone-“ he says, wide eyes and shocked still.

“Yes, and I’ve killed for you,” you say quietly, like telling a secret.

He goes wide-eyed, looking at you. He never thought you, out of all people, could be capable of murder. It all runs through his head, and some things start to connect. The secretary that went missing after locking herself and him in the bathrooms at his agency, trying to have sex with him knowing he was taken. The couple of girls at the coffee shop grabbed his ass when he went in to check on things turned up dead- murdered brutally-actually. The villain who stabbed him during a mission in Tokyo died in his jail cell. Everyone who has landed a hand on him in a harmful or nonconsensual way- dead or missing still. You killed them- brutally. Tortured them just because they put their hands on your man. His shock suddenly goes into lust and love as he looks at your eyes and face.

“You- you have?” he questioned. That is a dumb question if you ask yourself. He looked at your eyes and lips, begging for an answer.

“Yes, and I would do it again in a heartbeat,” you say calmly. To anyone else, it would be creepy, but to him, it was beautiful and sexy. He quickly catches your lips with his- kissing you softly but urgently. Never would he thought you would kill for him- this isn’t the first person he’s killed for you. Won't be the last.

“Fuck,” he whispered after you two separated for a breather. “Tell me how, baby, please,” he says lowly and quietly, ready to kiss you again. He pulls you closer, not caring about a single thing- not his clothes- not the blood all over him- nothing.

“I mean, you read their autopsies, right?” you look at him, questioning. He smirks and kisses you again roughly, but it ends as he speaks again.

“Yeah- I wanna hear it from you. That beautiful mouth of yours, And I’ll tell you how I’ve killed the others that dared lay a hand on you,” he whispers in your ear. It gives you tingles and causes you to shiver. Has he killed more people for you? This turned you on more than you thought it would. You jump up, wrapping your legs around his waist and staring into his eyes, smiling.

“Izu, you’ve killed multiple people for me?” you say as you look at him, getting closer to his lips, “that’s sexy, baby,” you whisper as you kiss him, in which he grabs your ass to hold you up and pushes his tongue past your lips.

Now tongues swirling around each other, sloppy kissing, and him grabbing your ass with your legs around his waist and arms around his neck to have him as close as possible. It becomes heated quickly, as you two haven’t had sex since before the kidnapping- him wanting to give you time- and you being too traumatized to think of anything like this. But now, you two have found out each other's dirty little secret and are as turned on for each other as animals in mating season.

He puts one of his hands in your hair and deepens the kiss even more, walking slowly to the bathroom. When he sits you on the sink counter, you gasp, giving him more access to your mouth. Tongue deep in your throat, you moan when he tugs on your hair in the right spot. He stops to breathe but only briefly as his lips find their way to your neck- leaving love bites and his marks all over your soft sweet skin. He soon discovers the sweet spot and sucks like a leech; making your moan louder. You are a panting, heaving, moaning mess when he stops and rips off your shirt. Seeing you aren’t wearing a bra- as you were going to go to sleep when he arrived home safely- he latches onto one of your nipples and flicks his tongue rapidly. Squeezing the other and sucking on your other nipple, he moans onto your nipple when you start to grind against his dick. Oh, how hard he is for you and how you love it. He stops just for a few seconds to catch his breath.

“Tell me, baby,” he says, kissing your neck, “tell me how you killed those bitches.” He speaks into your skin and starts to suck, leaving more of his marks.

“I- I had to find out where they lived first,” you say, panting a little from the sensation of his lips on your skin. “Then I just waited till they were alone to sneak in. Dumb whores didn’t lock their windows.” You giggle a little remembering how the dumb ass girls didn’t lock their windows at night and how the men were so easy to find.

You hear him chuckle into your neck, “Oh? Now that isn’t very smart of them,” he says, licking over a new mark he just left.

“They didn’t know how to fight either. It was easy dragging them out of their soft little beds and tying them up. The men, not so much, so I just knocked them out.” you say as you are a panting moaning mess. He licks down your breast to your belly button sucking and leaving marks all the way, “I used things they had, like their knives and other things that can cause damage. One had a fun crowbar.” you giggle. “Most of them didn’t last long enough when I was cutting each of their fingers off and passed out, but the ones who did last had some interesting words to say to me. It was so funny and fun hearing them beg and curse at me,” you say, stopping and gasping as you feel your shorts being ripped off. Izuku lays you back to pull your panties off with his teeth. Sucking and licking each part he goes by. You were lost in his eyes as they looked at you, pulling your panties down.

“Awe go on, baby, I wanna hear what all you did to those son of bitches.” he says as he licks your pelvic bone down to your thigh. He sucks the inside of your thigh, leaving marks near your sweet little sex, stopping and hovering, waiting for you to start talking again.

“I-I stabbed most of them, but the ones who hurt you-“ you stopped and gasped when you felt his tongue run up and down your slit. Back arching a little and watching him lick slowly up and down against your sex makes you quiver and shake. “The ones who hurt you- I-I, fuck, I made sure they felt every inch of what I cut and sliced them with. Some passed out when I got to their toes, but some lasted till I cut off their hand. Chopping them up was-“ you stop as he starts to suck on your clit but then continue, “so fun knowing what they have done to you. Their blood made puddles, and they whined like little bitches.” you start to moan uncontrollably as he sucks and fingers you with two fingers rapidly.

He moans into your sex, and his tongue flicks up and down rapidly and skillfully. “Mm puppy, you taste so fucking good,” he says into your sex which causes vibrations. It makes your back arch even more and pant.

“Come on baby, cum for me,” he says in a low tone voice that causes more vibrations to your sex. When he sucks on your clit again and arches his fingers up to hit your sweet spot, you cum instantly on his face. Lose all focus on anything else, just the feeling of his tongue and fingers inside you. He licks up all the cum from you, sitting up and pulling you close to him.

“Good girl,” he says against your lips as he kisses you. You taste yourself as he roughly kisses you. “Such a good girl for me. Even killed people for me,” he says lowly into your mouth. You grip his shirt, letting him know you want it off. He smiles and pulls off his shirt showing his chest and abs. All those scars turn you on more than you already were.

“Come on, baby, how about we shower? I’m not saying we are finished, but that bastard's blood is starting to get aggravating, and I don’t want his blood anywhere near my girl,” he says, lifting you from the counter to have you stand on the floor. You pull him from the rim of his pants to the shower, which he happily follows. Getting to the shower, you undo his pants, which he slides off in a heartbeat with his underwear.

His length is seeping precum and hard, but he knows he can wait. He doesn’t want that bastard's blood getting on you. Starting the shower, grabbing a loaf to scrub him off, you can’t stop looking into his eyes. He hasn’t looked away from you once, and when you look at him, all you see is him looking at you with adoration and love. Finishing scrubbing the last bit of blood off of him, he starts to wash you with a different loaf slowly and softly. Being very gentle around you injures that bastard caused you. They are healed, but he doesn’t want to risk anything. When he gets to your sex, he puts the loaf down, knowing you are sensitive, slowing and sensually washing your sex but not without fingering you in the process. His chest against your back and your ass against his dick, he fingers your slowly, going faster with each moan you let out.

“Have to make sure every,” he thrust his fingers into roughly but not to the point it hurts,” part,” thrust,” of that body,” thrust, “is clean.” he thrust rapidly into you, now making your back arch and you moan and pant leaning back against him. “Right baby?” he asks knowing he won’t get an answer.

“D-daddy,” you moan, putting a hand against the wall and the other in his hair. You grind against his dick, making him grunt.

Right when you were about to cum her stops and takes his fingers out, making you cry out a whine. “Shh baby, you’ll get to cum. But does my good girl want to make daddy cum first?” he lowly says in your ear.

“Ye-yes, Daddy,” you say as you turn around to kiss him; he kisses back roughly and grabs your ass. You kiss down his neck, leaving marks and bites on his skin, licking the scars on his cheek and abs.

Getting onto your knees, you stare at his length, he is much bigger than average, and you love it. To you, it was a gut wrecker. You look up at him, seeing him look down at you and pet your hair. You start to do kitten licks on his head, which makes him grunt and groan.

“Don’t tease me now, baby. That ain’t nice,” he says lowly with a grunt.

You start to suck his head just as he likes, slowly going down and deepthroating him. He grunts in pleasure and grabs your hair just right. You bobbing your head up and down slowly and sucking ever so tenderly makes him wild. He throws his head back, feeling so much pleasure he can barely breathe right. You always know how to suck him right, and he loves it.

“Fuck. Good girl, so good at sucking my cock.” he moans. He grabs your hair tighter and starts to throat fuck you slowly and rough to the point it hits the back of your throat.

“Such,” thrust, “a good,” thrust, “cock sucker,” thrust. He thrust into your mouth, repetitively groaning. Tears start to run down your face, and all you hear is the slurping sound you make, sucking his dick. “Yeah? You like sucking daddy’s cock?” he groans. You suck a little hard to let him know you say yes. He grunts more and thrusts, becoming more sloppy, “fuck I’m going to cum,” he says, thrusting faster into your mouth.” Swallow it like a good cocksucker.” he says. Thrusting more, he then cums down your throat, throwing his head back and moaning. “Fuck.”

When he takes his dick out of your mouth, you show him all the cum you will swallow. This makes him groan and become more turned on by the second. He picks you up and wraps your legs around him putting your back against the shower wall.

Kissing you, he wraps his hand around your breast and squeezes them right. “You want daddy to fuck you now? Or do you need more time, baby? I understand if you do.” he says softly, rubbing his thumb against your cheek and looking you so lovingly in the eyes.

“Please,” you say. “Please fuck me, Daddy,” you say quietly. You want him as much as he wants you, and nothing will stop you from having your man.

“Mmm fuck baby,” he says and kisses you, “you sure? I don’t want you to feel rushed or anything.” He says sweetly, he cares too much about you to rush you into things like this, and he understands if you want to say no.

“Please, Daddy. I want you so bad,” you say louder but not too much louder than usual. He looks you in the eyes one last time until he starts kissing you roughly but tenderly again. He lifts you so he can line up his dick with your entrance. Slowly pushing you onto his dick, you both moan at the feeling. Inch by inch, you lower on his dick till it’s inside you.

“Fuck. You feel so good,” he moans. “Tell me when to start moving, okay puppy?” he grunts—kissing you sweetly and waiting for your okay. Once you give the OK, he slowly thrusts in and out of you, not wanting to hurt you. You both moan and look into each other eyes. Never would you think you would have sex with someone as yandere as you. You love that he killed someone for you. You love, he would kill for you. To you, it’s the biggest turn-on, and to him, it is too. Both of you think about how lucky you two are to have each other. You love each other more than life itself, and nothing can or will change that.

“F-faster, Daddy,” you moan. He then starts to thrust faster and faster. He was soon going as fast and hard as he could. You become a moaning mess as he hits your sweet spot repeatedly. “Daddy! Fuck!” you moan.

“Yeah? You like it when daddy fucks you like this?” he grunts as he fucks as fast as he can, “Fuck, such a good girl taking all-, “ he moans, “of my fucking cock.” he moans and groans as he fucks you. He loves watching your face twist in pleasure; he loves hearing your moans as his dick is deep inside you.

“G-gonna cum, Daddy,” you moan and arch your back. You moan as he pulls your hair and sucks your neck and breast.

“Fuck.” he is now pounding into you at an inhuman speed, gripping your hair and ass. Sucking on your breast as you moan for him and clench around him. “Good girl- cum for daddy- cum for daddy,” he says and moans throwing his head back as he feels himself getting close. “Be a good little cumslut and come for daddy,” he says.

That was your final straw as you came instantly clawing his back and moaning into his ear. He loves every second of you clawing and moaning as it makes him cum deep inside you. “Fuck, that’s my fucking girls, that’s my-“ he breaths heavily, “girl.” he finishes his compliment and kisses you sweetly and tenderly. Not wanting to take it out of you like it’s his favorite place to be.

You breathe heavily and lay your head on his chest. In which he happily accepts and kisses the top of your head.

“Good girl, I love you so much, puppy,” he says as he kisses your head and holds you tighter. He pulls out of you, saving you still in his arms, and putting you towards the water, he rinses the cum off and out of you. After he turns off the shower, he lays both of you down in the bed, not worrying about clothes.

You cuddle more into his chest, happy he is lying with you and finally home. You are worn out from worrying, crying, panicking, and loving sex. He is, too, but he is also worn out from dealing with an issue before coming home to you. He is happy you accepted what he did and who he is, as well as glad you are the same type of crazy as him. He never wants to let you go and never wants to lose you. You are His light in the darkness and will forever be that light that never goes out.

“Come on, baby, make some ramen and watch a movie. We can sleep when we are done eating, okay?” he says quietly into your ear—looking at you as you look up.

“Okie, can we watch a Marvel movie?” you ask with big puppy eyes.

He chuckles as he figures it would be Marvel or Godzilla. “of course, baby, what else would we watch?”

THANK YOU AHHH… okay it took me a couple of hours but I finished it. My god that was something to write right off the top of my head at 3 am.

[creaturecomfxrts]

Dipper and Mabel pines headcanons?

FINALLY getting around to answering these! since im better at them, heres some college age headcanons that apply just as much to how i view them in the show!

DIPPER PINES

transmasc. duh. of course

parents are INCREDIBLY supportive, super understanding. hes on hormone blockers in the show and starts HRT as soon as hes able, getting top surgery and bottom surgery in his early 20s

bisexual! ran into a guy junior year of highschool and went oh GOD. this is wendy 2.0 im going to die

NERD.

LOVES board games. so much. not just dungeons and dragons and monopoly im talkin everdell, wingspan, cascadia, catan. he loves a good think. he also loves dragging everyone else into playing them with him. he always wins. almost always, anyway

absolutely adores college and everything about it hes a little freak. totally ends up being the president of a few clubs, co creating some, etc. made an occult club AND a hiking club at his college

loves doodling, loves horror. his teachers? not so much. they try not to look at the weird ass creatures he draws on the margins of his very well written homework.

probably goes into something smart. like biochem. or um. stem. im (author) is a liberal arts major all i do is write gay fanfiction.

PSYCHOTIC ASS DORM ROOM. he barely decorated it like a classic college male but has a conspiracy board and thats it. which is full of strange shit hes seen outside of gravity falls. to be fair its very well documented and somewhat neat, just…. strange decor. he lives in a single (introvert)

COVERED in tattoos, but always abides by the suit rule (all tattoos need to be able to be covered by a suit to be professional. he knows this bc hes a neerrrrddd). he has really sick sleeves of runes and other occult like things hes found interesting. he has cipher related tattoos as well and also even got ford to design a few.

he has PROMINENT eye bags. he will never fix his sleep schedule

ended up working as a summer camp counselor for a while right outside if gravity falls! the kids loved him but he couldnt stand the heat and bugs all the time so he only did it for a summer or two

even after turning 21 he doesnt actually drink that much, hes a craft beer enjoyer and likes to make it himelf (Much later in life)

ALWAYS stays in touch with mabel. if anything happens in either of their lives you better BELIEVE theyre already on the phone with eachother

medical marijuana card holder

smokes to help eith his anxiety. it works WONDERS

coffee drinker but actually Does put cream and sugar is coffee. sometimes. other times hes too tired and just thugs it out

MABEL PINES

THE number one it girl ever

NUMBER ONE TRANS ALLY EVERRRRRR she loves her brother so much

pansexual!! she loves cool people, thats her motto

went to a fashion design school, is loving it despite drowning in work

began dying her hair in cool ways through highschool, now she always has some of her natural color present but goes a little crazy on the highlights

found out about huge dangley joke earrings. went absolutely crazy. has an entire space on her desk dedicated to her many many earrings. she has babies, knives, bags of doritos, aliens, glow in the dark ones, anything you could imagine.

fantastic at fashion design. stuggled a lot with the fancier stuff but her teachers were floored when they let her go wild on casual comfy wear. she excells in combining fashion and comfort in really exciting and colorful ways.

a party girl through and through, loves clubs, raves, concerts, anything!

video game lover as well, cracked at pvp games.

still boy crazy, just less so (has had like. 10 college boyfriends)

literally the sweetest friend ever. she loves hosting movie nights and tea parties (bc who wouldnt. theyre awesome)

tea drinker, loves floral teas with honey

HATES. black coffee. a starbucks frap girlie 4ever

has been scouted for modeing multiple times and only accepted when it was a commercial with puppies

love love loves making friendshio bracelets. knows all the patterns, all of her friends have a hefty amount of a bunch of different ones because she just keeps making them

anywwy, here you go! i love these two so much, i hope ive done them justice!

[positivelyholland]

Hey sunshine, it’s meeeeee!

So could you write something with Chris x daughter reader when she’s not having the best past couple of weeks because her brain just won’t let her communicate what she wants to (her brain just isn’t braining) and chris knows when she gets like this her anxiety is though the roof because she can’t explain anything it’s almost like her mind is just detached from herself it makes her panic badly. So it’s a lot of comfort, bluey and communication strategies because he knows it’s hard for her, so he gets scott to take her out because she’s hasn’t been out the house in a hot minute just to get her some fresh air and some of her comfort foods like apple sauce because it slaps. They just have a fun and slow couple of days until her brain finally decides it wants brain again, even if it’s as slow and spending a day in chris’ bed with bluey or going on a walk with Scott and dodger. Just comfort and to be able to slow down that’s all she needed

pairing: chris evans x daughter!reader

genre: comfort & fluff

summary: when school gets to be too much, you're dad comes and saves the day

warnings: being overwhelmed

A/N: im so sorry that it took me long to respond to this, my dear! hopefully the wait was worth it and this can be all that you wanted it to be

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sit at your desk, surrounded by what felt like a mountain of books, papers, assignments, and so on. School has become extra overwhelming lately, and you're struggling to keep up.

You had been working on your homework for hours at this point, and you were just about to reach your tipping point.

That tipping point came sooner than you thought as you finished what you assumed to be your millionth essay of the day, just to realize that you didn't save your progress.

That's when the tears started falling.

Just before you about ruined your art homework by crying, you head a gentle knock on your bedroom door. You sniffle, hastily wiping away your tears, and call out, "Come in."

The door creaks open, and you see your dad, standing there with a sympathetic smile. His presence alone is enough to provide some solace. You've always admired him—his kindness, his strength, and his unwavering support.

"Hey, kiddo," Chris says, stepping into the room. "I noticed you've been pretty stressed lately... and now you're crying so I'm a little concerned, mind if I come in and talk?"

You shake your head, and he walks over to your desk, taking a seat beside you. His comforting presence feels like a warm shield against the stress that surrounds you.

"What's been going on, y/n?" Chris asks, concern evident in his voice.

You take a deep breath and pour your heart out, sharing your struggles, fears, and frustrations. You talk about the constant pressure to excel, the feeling of never being good enough, and the anxiety that has been building up within you.

Chris listens intently, his eyes filled with empathy. When you finish, he places a hand on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"You know, you're doing a really good job, but i understand that it can be hard to do a good job sometimes" he says, his voice soothing. "But it's important to remember that you're not alone in this. We'll find a way to make it through together."

A glimmer of hope flickers in your eyes as you absorb his words. Your dad, understands your struggles and is determined to help you overcome them. Inspired by his unwavering support, you wipe away the remaining tears and give him a small nod.

"Alright, then," Chris says with a mischievous smile. "Enough of the studying for today. It's time for a break."

You raise an eyebrow, intrigued by his sudden shift in tone. "What do you have in mind?"

He stands up and extends a hand toward you. "How about we go on an adventure? We'll leave the books behind for a while and focus on having fun."

You hesitate for a moment, but the idea of spending time with your dad, escaping the suffocating stress, is too tempting to resist. And besides, you don't get chances to spend an entire day having fun with your dad instead of doing homework.

You reach out, your hand slipping into his, and he pulls you to your feet.

Chris leads you downstairs, and soon, the two of you are stepping out into the sunshine, Dodger's leash in hand. As the three of you walk together, he fills the air with his infectious laughter, making your worries melt away.

First, he takes you to a local park. You swing on the swings, feeling weightless as the wind rushes through your hair. He pushes you higher and higher, shouting encouragement and laughing alongside you.

Doing all this just like you did when you were a little girl. You finished at the park with a game of fetch with Dodger.

Next, you head to the arcade, where Chris challenges you to a series of friendly competitions. You cheer each other on, while both of you still want to be the winner.

As the two of you celebrate victories and laugh off defeats, all the stress and worry seem like distant memories.

When you're both worn out from games, Chris suggests grabbing ice cream. You eagerly agree, savoring each spoonful as you stroll through the city streets, talking about anything and everything. Chris listens intently, offering advice and sharing stories of his own struggles.

"Remember, kiddo," Chris whispers, his voice soft and comforting. "Life can get tough, but it's the moments like these that make it all worthwhile. You're strong, resilient, and capable of great things. Don't let the challenges define you."

His words resonate deep within your heart, filling you with newfound determination. With Chris by your side, you realize that you can face anything that comes your way.

After a good nights sleep, the next morning you settle back at your desk, ready to tackle your mountain fo work with a renewed sense of purpose. Armed with the love and support of your dad, you know you can do anything.

[cap-ironman]

2023 Cap-Iron Man Holiday Exchange and Community Gifts Creators Reveals & Masterpost

This year, 39 wonderful works were created for our annual event!

Thank you all very much for participating, whether it was by writing, arting, submitting the prompts for the Community Gifts, cheerleading the creators, beta reading, leaving comments on works or guessing the creators! We hope you had lots of fun.

Here, finally, is the masterlist revealing the creators of each work created for the Cap-IM Holiday Exchange and Community Gifts event! Please remember to mind the tags and warnings for individual works, and leave kudos and comments on those you've enjoyed!

Drumroll please!

★ 10th Time's the Charm by zappedbysnow for Neverever (Avengers-ambiguous fandom, art)

When you've been trying to propose for months and villains keep ruining your moment, you just gotta take the chance at any opportune moment.

★ All We Doby Naivelittleprincess for tinystark616 (MCU, 9556 words)

Tony doesn't mean for anyone to find those recordings. Steve doesn't mean to see them. Between the two of them, there were never the right words spoken, so this just might be a blessing in disguise.

★ annex 11 by soliloquent for Cap Iron Man Community (MCU, 1300 words)

Trapped together during a snowstorm in the middle of a mission, Steve attempts to soothe Tony’s growing anxiety, only to discover that Tony had the solution all along.

★ Arm Candy by KandiSheek for BladeoftheNebula (MCU, 2329 words)

When Tony off-handedly asks Steve to be his arm candy for the night, he's not expecting Steve to actually follow through.

★ Arrangements by Neverever for Cap-IM Community (MCU, 2692 words)

Tony has a no-strings attached, no-personal information, all-sex relationship with Steve. But things can change, can't they?

★ Behind the Mask by gottalovev for starvels (Marvel Noir, 8156 words)

The circumstances on how Tony met Captain Steve Rogers on the eve of Operation Rebirth were strange enough, but the captain's secrets have secrets, and it's driving Tony crazy.

★ Can I stay here forever (I need you in my arms) by Mistymoon27 for Nixie_DeAngel (MCU, 1047 words)

Cuddling together under the stars out in the country, either on vacation or stranded on mission.

★ Christmas Stockings by superdecibels for robertdowneyjjr (MCU, Art)

Steve makes stockings for their little family and Tony falls a little more in love with him for it.

★ Conductivity by felisnocturna for Cap-IM Community (1872/616, 4243 words)

The train taking Tony to California breaks down in the seemingly abandoned ghost town of Timely. Or: After Steve's death on the courthouse steps, Tony is about to witness another tragedy. This time, he sees it coming, but even that might not change anything - not least because he is pretty sure that it's all just a hallucination.

★ Father and Sonby Perlmutt for starksnack (MCU, 5205 words)

Peter should have seen it coming. All hell breaks loose when his secret identity as Spider-Man is revealed. His parents take the news about as well as you'd imagine, and it escalates all too quickly. But his family wouldn't be his family if they didn't work through it. Together.

★ The first time I met you (I already had a drawing of you) Laslus for zappedbysnow (MCU, 2397 words)

Kissing Tony was a bit like sparing, pushing and pulling and stumbling against furniture. He had no idea why a billionaire cared enough to be this strong, and it was hard to keep in mind he had to pull back his own strength. or Tony meets a cute artist in at a Gala event, Steve tries to get over Iron Man, and Bucky just enjoys watching his best friend be a little stupid sometimes.

★ For You, I Willby tinystark616 for Becci_chan (MCU, 2350 words)

It's Steve's first Christmas away from Tony after the events of Civil War, and Steve misses him every single day. Little does he know that Tony misses him too.

★ A ghost for Christmas by gottalovev for Cap-IM Community (MCU, 8125 words)

When she died, Peggy left Steve an old house in Connecticut. When he decides to spend Christmas there, Steve finds out that it's already inhabited... by a very handsome and kind of annoying ghost.

★ Hot Rod Red by FrankTheSnek for Cap-IM Community (MCU, 37,070 words)

Steve has been single since the abrupt end of his engagement 5 years ago (despite the efforts of his friends). When he accidentally stumbles across an attractive cam model online, the idea of having a virtual booty call on hand seems appealing. The only problem, Tony is far more charming than Steve would have imagined and there is more to him than a pretty smile and a nice body. Too bad all their interactions are just part of Tony's job… or are they?

★ I have promises to keep by Missy_dee811 for gottalovev (Ultimates, 2290 words)

After a mission goes south, Steve and Tony trek through the woods to a safe house to which Tony has a personal connection.

★ i’m fine all alone (but it’s nice to be here with you) by soliloquent for Thahire (MCU, 9467 words)

Two months after the Battle of Earth, Tony, grappling with post-retirement uncertainty and an identity crisis, invites Steve on a Christmas trip to Jamaica.

★ in the storm, we stay clear by Thahire for KandiSheek (MCU, 4432 words)

Beside him, Tony’s getting comfortable, too, unknotting his tie with one hand, the other tapping away on his phone. The light from his phone illuminates his profile. Steve forces his gaze way when he realizes he’s been staring at Tony’s mouth for a solid five seconds. It’s going to be a long wait.

★ Let's to Sea by Ginevra_Benci for a_freaking_lenon (MCU, 8177 words)

Samuel Wilson, Lieutenant, Royal Navy, is the newest crewman aboard the Starry Shield. The famed pirate hunting vessel, captained by the famed Captain Rogers and locked these several years in eternal pursuit of the legendary Iron Captain, is... not what Sam expects. The legendary Iron Captain, when Sam finally meets him, is even less so.

★ loaf actually by robertdowneyjjr for Naivelittleprincess (MCU, 2165 words)

After his embarrassing attempt at cooking for their team holiday potluck dinner the year before, Steve is afraid to try again. Luckily, he has Tony to help him out this time around.

★ Lost Causes (or How the Avengers Didn’t Ruin Christmas) by Fluffypanda for littleblackbow (Avengers Assemble, 2875 words)

Sam, Scott, Clint, Natasha, Thor, and Hulk go on a quest to save Steve's Christmas present for Tony (which they totally didn't destroy).

★ Love makes fools of us all by BladeoftheNebula for Ginevra_Benci (MCU, 3,682 words)

“I am doing this to protect you. I rather take the ‘long may he reign’ part pretty seriously, unlike you.” Steve plucked at the material again. “And you could’ve told me your father’s jester was nearly half my height.” The bells jingled when he huffed, making Tony’s smile wider. "Where would be the fun in that, my love?” Tony murmured, grinning as he stepped in the great hall, the room falling silent at his presence. Steve would do anything to protect his King - no matter how humiliating.

★ Magical Moments by Becci_chan for soliloquent (MCU, 5081 words)

It hadn’t been Steve’s best idea when he’d asked Tony to go with him to the Christmas market. Steve had only needed someone to keep him company, because sometimes crowded places still made him nervous. And because he liked Tony. A lot.

★ make this gingerbread house a home by starksnack for Reioka (MCU, 5000 words)

Steve is determined to make this Christmas the best one Tony has ever had. With gingerbread cookies, home alone, and maybe a little mistletoe.

★ may the angels bow down for you by soliloquent for Cap-IM Community (MCU, 2000 words)

He hides. When the Demon gets loud, when He drinks His poison and tries to hurt him with His palm, or His words, or His power—he hides. Burgundy. Oak. Shattered glass.

★ (my heart is burning) holes in the ground by felisnocturna for Cap-IM Community (Noir, 1317 words)

In the end, it's a scent that leads them back home, like Ariadne's thread in a labyrinth of illusions.

★ a relaxing morning in by starvels for Carsonian (616, 2349 words)

Steve and Tony try to have a relaxing morning in. The universe conspires to bring them to Northern Saskatchewan instead.

★ Reverseverance by Veldeia for Cap-IM Community (MCU, 24,041 words)

Steve wakes up to find out that he's gone through something called a severance procedure, which splits a person's consciousness in half. While he's stuck spending all his time in what's essentially a luxurious prison, his other half, the part of his mind that has all their memories, goes to work in the outside world. Steve may not remember a thing about who he is outside, but he knows one thing for sure: he doesn't want to live like this. Not even with Tony, the fellow inmate who's caught his eye. They have to find a way out. Preferably together.

★ Since We've No Place to Go by Carsonian for superdecibels (MCU, 5,904 words)

Friends with benefits Omega!Tony and Alpha!Steve confront their hidden feelings for each other when they get snowed in together.

★ sixth time is the charm by a_freaking_lenon for Laslus (MCU, 1437 words)

Older Peggy keeps trying to set dates for Steve that keep failing until she sets him with her godson Tony.

★ Softer Landing by Naivelittleprincess for Cap-IM Community (MCU, 2410 words)

In which there is a snowstorm, Tony has had a terrible week and Steve might be an idiot.

★ Something On My Mind by Thahire for Cap-IM Community (MCU, 2179 words)

During a team game of Never Have I Ever, Tony finds out that Steve has done—some things with men. Things spiral from there.

★ Soothe My Darker Thoughts With Your Warmth by Nixie_DeAngel for picturecat (Marvel 3490, 1329 words)

Some days Steve's go on a darker path than he'd like. Lucky for him, Natasha is there to remind him that sometimes peoples brains are wrong and dumb and she's always right... (at least always right about how she feels about Steve.)

★ Take My Handby littleblackbow for ishipallthings (Avengers Assemble, Art

Steve is assigned to protect Tony Stark, son of Howard Stark, the famous inventor. Proud to a fault, Tony is reluctant to accept his bodyguard, but somehow, there's this one request he just can't deny.

★ temporary configuration of disrupted stars by picturecat for Perlmutt (MCU, 3043 words)

There's a lot for Steve to learn about the 21st century. And himself.

★ Unexpected Thaw by Neverever for Missy_dee811 (Ultimates, 3808 words)

Steve has a rough ride through the multiverse and ends up questioning his relationship with Tony.

★ Walk the Forbidden Road by Reioka for Fluffypanda (MCU, 13,239 words)

Tony is the last person willing to partner with Steve to hunt vampires. Steve should be grateful. And he might be, if Tony wasn't such an asshole.

★ where you already belong by ishipallthings for Mistymoon27 (MCU, 1380 words)

Tony looks down, and blinks in surprise when he sees Steve Rogers’ ever-blue eyes gazing sleepily back at him, his head resting lightly on Tony’s chest. “Well,” he says finally, wincing a little at the dryness in his throat. “I’m not sure I ever figured you for a cuddler, Cap.”

★ Working Late by tinystark616 for Cap-IM Community (MCU, 1632 words)

Some nights, Tony stays up late, building and rebuilding and upgrading his suits, until Steve walks into the workshop, usually already in his pajamas, and wraps his arms around Tony, kissing him until he forgets what he was doing and then dragging him to bed.

★ You Can Take My Breath Away by FrankTheSnek for Cap-IM Community (MCU, 6587 words)

Tony has been impotent since his abduction in Afghanistan. Years have passed and he's grown to accept it, but things start to change when Steve enters his life. It's more than physical need reawakening, and Tony doesn't know how to handle it. He's forgotten what intimacy feels like, and it's a damn scary thing.

Were your guesses right? Are you surprised at something? You can post your reactions in our Cap-IM Discord server here!

And finally, if you participated in the event, feel free to post your work wherever you want now! We will be reblogging every tumblr post tagged with #capimexchange in one of the first five tags.

Thank you for a great event to start 2024 on!

🖤 Navaan, Neverever and starksnack Your 2023 Holiday Exchange and Community Gifts mods

[brynhildr13]

About the GazettE.

TL;DR I had recent experiences that reinforce my belief that Reita REALLY is still with me and with all of us. Even if they can be easily explained as coincidental. Please if you want, share something that has been helpful to heal. Take care. Gazerock is not dead. Gazerock never dies.

Full post under cut.

I consider myself spiritual, but not really religious. But let me take you through my last few days, if you so care. Its important to me and I want to share this in hopes that the others in this Fandom know that I share the pain and want to spread my own love and solace and peaceful mourning.

I took an hour drive to my twin sister's to have our birthday hangout on Wednesday. I had the GazettE on plus other vkei groups on shuffle, but I kept skipping most of the other groups trying to find the GazettE songs. A few came on and even with the heavy and rock and headbanging songs I was just sobbing. To the point where I told myself, "you have to keep your eyes open. You need to watch the road." But the TEARS were plenty and heavy. I also started to judge myself a little. Wondering why I was SO emotional.

Then I had one of those intuitive downloads where like, you know it didn't come from your own brain and then after you hear it your mind expands. I don't know who's voice it was. I couldn't repeat it if I tried. But it said, quote "but feeling is healing."

And I lost it all over. Because I knew it was right and I needed to sit with the feelings. So I let myself cry as much as I could.

And then, To Dazzling Darkness came on.

My favorite song. Well, one of them. The whole Beautiful Deformity album is iconic, but that song specifically is one of my favorites BECAUSE of Reita's bass part. (Plus my twin sister, with her music degree, thinks the song is well written and can back up why and that means a lot to me that my sister who isn't the most into heavy metal or knows the group near as well as I do likes THEIR songs BECAUSE they're good).

And after that I laughed a little and wiped my eyes and said, "ok. I get it. It has to mean you're here right now. Thank you."

Maybe it came from Reita. I'd like to think so.

Had tons of fun with my sister. Come home. Worked Thursday. That night i shed a tear or two as i watched a few music videos in bed. And i just said outloud and in my head. "As long as he's okay. I'd like a sign that he's okay, please." And i fell asleep. Fast forward to today.

Today's our birthday. I planned to grab my free trenta from Starbies cuz $0 is the only amount I'll pay there unless I'm desperate. When I got to the screen in the drive thru, i meant to order 2 cake pops for my treat. Cuz fuck it. Im desperate. I'm a sad bitch and I want cake. It's my birthday. But I have anxiety and panicked and ended up asking for them at the drive thru window instead.

And they gave me the pops and I waited to hand them my card and after a few seconds she came back up and said, "oh don't worry about them today. No charge." Once I was sure they didn't want my money I thanked them profusely.

And I drove away. And I smiled from inside. Cuz I'd like to think that that was my sign he's okay. Maybe he pulled some strings to make me smile and to say, with that grin on his face, "don't worry about me. I'm here. I'll be here. Have a cake pop you sad bitch."

I meant it when I said before his spirit is here.. there's truly a feeling of the hole in my heart filling a little. I feel like emotionally and spiritually he's here in my peripheral stronger than ever before. Especially because I had become more of a backseat fan that would slink out of the woodwork when they had new content. My "obsession" (hyperfixation) died down a lot after saw them in 2016 and 2019, and I shared my gift of art and they shared their gift of music. But that love and adoration never ever left regardless of how often I talked about it and showed it. Or didn't. Cuz NO ONE else in my every day immediate circle knows anything about them.

Cuz here's the thing, and this is just me, too. I don't have any better way or words to string together to say this other than this way. I KNOW that they don't "know me". Like , I'm not missing the physical presence like they are. I didn't sit with him every day talking about all the most common shared passionate things we're doing, etc. Etc. So I can argue for myself that because of that the burden is likely to not be as heavy as any of theirs. But music and the arts connects hearts and minds beyond the physical. And for me listening to the music keeps him close, and I almost think that I can Feel him when I hear it. I can imagine him putting a hand on my shoulder (with his endearingly weird thumbs, they always made me giggle.)

Idk I think Im getting a little off track. Long story short, he was physically here with me when he was at the shows. When he wasn't he was still there, off across the world, doing his thing. and while I knew that like in an unconscious way, i never really sat with that to be like "what are they doing right this moment" or that i could energetically feel them all at any time, you know? And I remember getting upset with myself cuz my first coherent thought after I metaphorically picked my stomach off the ground after it fell out of my butt was "well, it HAS to be ok cuz the world's still gonna turn." And that felt horrible to say. And that's not fair to me or to anyone who needs time to process this. I mean, YA, I GUESS, it WILL. But once again. This WILL still hurt for a while. And that's okay. That doesn't mean i have to "get over" it right away either. Cuz once again. The physical loss isn't felt (yet) or as heavy as the bandmen will feel. But I will feel. And my feelings are my truth. And i can argue the band itself will have worse grieving till the sun dies, and that still doesn't mean my feelings are literally less than for my own personal experience. And thats okay.

But getting back to the point of this, thinking and believing Reita's making his way to us, I now just have this new vibration around me that I know is spiritual in nature and it is energizing the room, especially when I play their music. He's here.

I keep thinking about The Haunting of Hill House and Nell's words in the last episode. And I don't want that to ever fade. I'm determined to keep him strong in my heart and my mind. Just like ruki said he and the guys would.

Anyways, I hope yall are feeling as okay as you can. I hope this may touch someone and bring more healing. Free to share things in the comments if you want, too.

[parisoonic]

Your stuff is so cool! I've been looking through your older post and all the tutorials you've made and they're really helpful. I've always been kind of self conscious about getting into art so late, but seeing your stuff has really inspired me! I know I still have a long ways to go, but it's still nice to see how far others have gotten. I guess it's kind of a "Other people have done it so I can do it too if I keep going" kind of situation I guess! I don't know I'm not too great with words heh I adore all the tf2 and heavymedic art you do! I only got into tf2 a couple weeks ago, but the fandom has some amazing artist! I love seeing what everyone's done with the mercs. Sorry for the super long ask! Just wanted to say your stuffs pretty cool ^^

thank you so much!!! ;;; im working on a few more tutorials atm...yapping on line weight and quality, got one on the go about background reccession/atmosphere and some musings on 'suggested musculature' when it comes to faces but who knows when they'll be done ;; it's never too late to get into art! I only really started drawing at 16-18, then I took a massive break all the way until i was 23-24 where i started drawing again because I wanted to change careers from vfx/3D to 2d. Flash forward another 6 years and I decide I should probably learn how to draw people so I started this blog! I see so many folks on this website (and insta etc) with AWESOME art at silly young ages (well relative to my almost 30 haha) and it freaks me out sometimes i feel so old and untalented by comparison but i think that's an eternal artist anxiety lol.

Keep at it! - drawing is one of those things i'm not sure if anyone ever 'finishes' learning but there's definitely no timecap on starting! there's SO much to discover and learn across multiple different subject matters, styles and mediums :') lots of fun, indulgence and experimentation to be had!