#been up and down like a fucking yoyo

[stedesparasol]

today has been a fucking rollercoaster of emotions

[chososcamgirl]

(SHE’S) JUST A PHASE CHAPTER FOURTEEN: when you’re sleeping

masterlist

extras!

• panda has been milking the liam payne reaction pics because he thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world

• sukuna def saw yn’s tweet on his burner LMFAO

• HI OIKAWA💕💕💕

• panda walked into yn’s room and then walked back out slowly after seeing megumi and yn cuddling in their sleep…

• floor was def creaking under him though

• choso was yn’s ex situationship before sukuna (FUCKK💔💔)

• he wanted to settle down after hooking up for like 4 months straight, yn didn’t, etc (can u tell i miss him)

• the guys are proud of megumi because this is his longest lasting “thing” with a girl LMFAO

• toge threw his phone at the wall seeing the megumi thirst edits of the bar fight

• one of the songs was that fucking russian song with velocity 😭 (THE BLONDE BRUNETTE ONE BYE)

• yuta being dad as always

a/n: sorry for the late update i’ve lowkey been dying and my mental health seems to decrease rapidly each passing day!!!! also bury a friend will finally be posted and focused upon!!!! another filler chapter but enjoy!! :3

taglist: @shokosbunny @luvvmae @satoryaa @prozacprinc3ss @essjujutsu @therealsatorugojo @yeehawslap @gojodickbig @dawnisatotalqueen @j2upiters @nappingnai @lalalasillybilly3000 @totallytatum @3cst4syy @lysaray @saltypuffin1040 @aozui @noodles-icetea @makeshiftproject @kurtcobaingirlie @kokoiinuts @dashingaurries @slvttycorpse @cuupidsss @mochroialainn @tenjikusstuff4 @ichcocat @laughingfcx @sugurubabe @allthestarsarecloserrrrrrr @tyigerz @yoyo-yui @megoomies @yizmiu @jasminasblog22 @marst4rz @guitarstringed-scars @kalulakunundrum @lovefrominaya @beepbopzlorp @itsdragonius @meguemii @chilichopsticks @starantulas @1l-ynn @pastriepuppy @rcveriees @solaqes @starrysho @sukunaspillow @evry1luvssm

*if i can't tag you please change your tag settings otherwise i will remove you from the list!

[evie-sturns]

𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙜𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 - 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙩 𝙎𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙤𝙡𝙤

summary: you and matt had previously dated for a few years until him and his brothers grew famous, where matt became arrogant and self centered. fast foward to to present, a couple years later. you have moved on from matt completly until you run into him at an influencer party, what will unfold when you approach him? will you two rekindle or will the wall stay strong between you two.

contains: angst, arguing, swearing, fluff, making out.

—---------------└─── °∘❉∘° ───┘--------———

(2 years ago)

i lay on the couch next to matt, my head resting on his shoulder as the tv rambles. hes invested in his phone, typing every few seconds.

hes been filming videos with his brothers, chris and nick, for the past year or two, and they've just hit 3 million subscribers.

matt clears his throat before moving my head off him, "i gotta talk to you, yeah?"

my eyebrows furrow, i look over at matt who has an unreadable expression on his face. I nod slowly with a hum, "i don't know how to say this, but uh-... nick chris and i have decided to move to l.a with laura."

what?

"what?" i instantly reply, my stomach drops to my knees.

"gotta chase them dreams." he shrugs casually, picking up his phone.

anger starts to bubble inside of me, why the fuck is he being so nonchalant about moving across the whole country? what am i gonna do, just be left here and forgotten about?

"what the hell matt!" i say, raising my voice and slamming the phone out of his hand, he throws his hands up defensively. "are you being fucking serious right now?" i yell, "calm down bro?" he mumbles, picking his phone back up.

i stay silent, waiting for matt to speak, or atleast a solution. he just stays silent, looking around the room. "matt, what am i gonna do." i sigh, trying to contain myself.

"uh.. not sure?" matt leans back on the couch. "like you can come with if you want but i won't really.." he pauses for a few seconds

"have time for you..? i mean we're staying in lauras apartment which doesnt have enough space anyway but you could always sleep on the couch or something."

i scoff, "so this is it?" tears start to roll down my cheeks. "if you can't handle my fame and me moving then thats not my problem." he runs a hand through his hair before standing up.

without another word I'm upstairs and packing my suitcase, I'm leaving.

(Current time)

ever since matt and i's messy breakup ive been moving around alot, i spent the first month or so living with my parents, where i started content creating on various platforms. i would be lying if i said i didn't get popular, over the past 2 years ive gained a few million followers.

a year ago today i moved to l.a, where i've been thriving.

9:38pm

"y/n come on!" i hear yolanda, my roomate, shout from downstairs, today i've been invited to a party for influencers, i think. i run downstairs in my baby pink stiletto heels. yolanda is wearing a long shimmering black dress with a large slit up to the mid thigh. "hottie" i tease as i walk past her.

"shush" she replys with a wide grin, i walk outside to find our uber waiting patiently "yoyo!" i yell back to her as she scrambles around to find her purse.

i climb into the uber, "my bad, my friends coming now."

yolanda comes running outside, swinging open the door to the uber and crawling over me. i laugh slightly at her, she glares at me while applying lip gloss.

"you okay?" i ask her, "just nervous, its weird being a plus one to a party where i know famous people will be." she replies with a breath.

"you'll be okay gorg, i have no idea whos even going so we'll just stay together hm?" i say comfortingly, watching the lively streets of l.a outside the window.

the uber comes to a stop outside a large beachside mansion, i give him a quick thankyou before grabbing yolandas hand and approaching the house. the blaring music is audible from outside the house.

we walk up the stairs together, our heels clicking in sync on the marble steps. the doors to the house are wide open, the first person i see when i come inside makes my heart drop.

christopher sturniolo

my breath hitches in my throat, theres thankfully no sight of matt, i mean hes never really been one for partys. i feel physically sick when me and chris lock eyes, i guess i look different since the last time i saw him, 2 years ago.

I haven't really thought about matt since i moved to l.a, the last person i wouldve expected to see here is his triplet brothers.

i shoot yolanda a look, she looks equally has disturbed as me.

i decide to keep navigating through the various bunches of people, i look back and yolandas gone, flirting with some random instagram male model. i scoff with a smile.

i turn my body back around, an audible gasp escapes my mouth as matt sturniolo stands infront of me,

alone.

he smiles awkwardly with a wave, he looks me up and down while he clutches the cup in his hand so tight his knuckles go white. "you look different." matt says, his voice shaking from nerves

"charming." i roll my eyes.

"no!- no i meant in a good way, i mean in a platonic way, but you look different, sorry-.. how are ya doing.." matt rambles, stammering over every word.

a small smile forms on my face, which instantly drops when i remember the events of what happened the last time i saw him. "i've been doing really good actually." i reply, nodding my head slowly.

"yeah, i saw !thats awesome you got selected for that peoples choice awa-rds..." matt says before stopping himself, i laugh slightly.

has he been stalking me? that got announced an hour ago.

"thanks matt, how have you been?" i ask, he takes a small breath "i've been good, yeah.." matt says, he clearly doesn't think the world revolves around him like how he did 2 years ago.

another silence fills the air between us, but he breaks it. "do you wanna come with me?" matt asks abruptly, my eyebrows furrow "sure?"

he reaches out a hand subtly, i take it.

he guides us through hundreds of people, yolanda eyes me down with her jaw slack, i shrug my shoulders with a smile back at her. the night hair hits my revealed skin as matt lets my hand go slowly.

"should we go sit on the sand?" i ask quietly while we walk side by side on the footpath.

-

10:12pm

matt and i have been walking side by the shoreline for a few minutes, catching up on the past 2 years of no contact

"wait so you're at 6 million?" i laugh in shock, he shakes his head with a smile "shut up!!"

"no like, congratulations matt thats really awesome."

he shrugs it off with a playful nudge to my shoulder,

the past 30 minutes or so neither of us have brought up the last time we spoke, our last interaction, the final fight. i think we both don't want to ruin what we have going on right now.

a silence forms as the ripple waves crash onto the shore, my palms are sweating from the warmth from the night. "wanna go sit up there? in the dunes?" matt asks, pointing up the beach. "oh-..oh yeah!" i agree chirpily, snapping out of my somewhat 'trance'

he leads us away from the water up into the sand dunes, the mound of sand and grass behind us acting as privacy. he flops down onto his back, laying down on the sand. I lay down close beside him, our legs touching against eachother.

"i want to talk to you about what happened that night." i blurt out softly, just from the plain moonlight i can see matts cheeks are a deep maroon. he nods "yeah." with a shaky sigh.

"i was an asshole, like proper crazy." he says in a serious tone.

"honest to god i think the fame was making me go insane, i thought i was so much better than.. everyone? i never shouldve told you like that, or moved in general" he rambles, guilt painted in his voice.

"matt, moving was best for you." i cut him off, but he instantly snaps back

"i don't think it was? i miss you so much."

i sit up, the loose sand falling off my back "and i never really moved on, i'm so grateful i found you tonight 'cause the guilt has been eating away at me, and im so sorry, i am so fucking sorry." matt mumbles slightly.

i nod understandably "i think we needed the break, i can see you've changed a lot, for the better."

matt sits up too, sand grains scattered in his brunette locks as his tongue pokes out quickly to wet his lips. his eyes stare into mine before he reaches out a hand to grab my jaw, right under my ear.

"can I kiss you?"

i nod frantically "yeah-of course"

matt leans in, his body shifting on the sand while the calm waves crash onto the shoreline.

his lips meet mine, a distant familiar feeling that i hate to admit but ive really missed, even though ive forced myself not to.

his tongue asks for enterance, which i quickly allow. his tongue slips into my mouth,

i move my hair to one side before hooking one leg over his thigh, moving my body to straddle him while keeping our lips connected.

our kiss turns from gentle, to desperate. craving what we've missed for the past 2 years.

after a well-needed few minutes, we finally pull away from each other to catch our breath. panting fills the air before he pulls me into a tight hug his arms moving over my back as i stay seated on his lap. leaning onto his chest.

"i think we should retry, everything." he matt says into my hair as i rest my chin over his shoulder

"gotta agree with you on that one matthew." i laugh, joy overpowering me.

-

"matt there you fucking are!" a familiar voice yells from a few meters away. i look up, breaking matt and i's hug.

chris and nick are standing side by side with a shocked expression on their face. "holy shit!" nick laughs,

nick used to be one of my closest friends, but after the breakup with matt and i we were forced apart, i think after his brothers caught me ontop of matt it gave them the all clear to interact with me again.

i climb off of matts lap, running across the sand towards nick before leaping into his arms, the long fabric of my dress drowning nick.

"someone please fill me in" chris says cluelessly.

matt walks over to us 3, nick puts me down "uh yeah, we are retrying stuff after a chat, a really good one actually." he says, scratching the back of his head.

"oh my god thank you y/n, matt has not shut up about you for the past 2 years holy fuck." chris says after a dramatic gasp.

-------------

this took so long to write i hope u guys really like it!

[8ttached]

"she's a real gem huh?"

pairings - (possessive) Fontaine x blk reader

warnings - (18+ smut, minors dni!!) not proof read, car sex (dont know if I would consider this as public sex since it's in an empty parking lot but you have been warned!!), aave, use of the n word, make-up sex

authors note - heyy I've been so caught up with other shit that i almost forgot about Tumblr but i finally whipped something up after weeks of writers block but i hope you guys enjoy!!!

word count - 946

(reblogs and comments are most definitely appreciated!! )

possessive Fontaine 

You always knew Fontaine was the possessive type. Not the loud “yells at anyone who stares at you” kind of possessive. But the “I know I'm lucky” possessive. The type to plant hickeys all over your neck for other niggas to see when they're talking to you. he gets a kick outta the ones who stare at them for too long

You were at the bar with yoyo and slick. Fontaine decided not to go since in his words “he got other shit to do.” your main plan was to stick together incase some weird shit happens but after a few drinks that plan was dropped. Yoyo was dancing while slick was god knows where and now you’re chopping it up with some nigga that claimed to “know you from way back.”

“Yeah, you haven't changed a bit! Same eyes as your mama” the older man said. You laughed nervously as you looked around the atmosphere. The guy began to compliment you again and again. Comments like “you look just like ya mama” and “you've gotten so grown” made your skin crawl.

You look at your phone checking the time, but you ended up seeing missed calls from Fontaine. not just one, but Multiple. You looked around looking for Yoyo and slick knowing that if Fontaine called multiple times, it was something serious. 

The older man's words suddenly turned into mumbles as you looked around seeing Slick and Yoyo nowhere in sight. You look down at your phone worried as you start to call Fontaine but something stops you. The older male said something as you weren't paying attention and a tall broad man stood behind you. 

“Yeah, she's a real gem huh?” he agreed.

The dark male's voice sent chills down your spine causing you to turn your shoulders, face to face with your boyfriend. Fontaine didn't say anything to you. His low-lidded eyes said more than enough. As you walked outside you remembered Slick and Yoyo were still in the club. Or so you thought.

“What about yoyo and-”

“They left.” 

Fontaine didn't look at you. His hands in his pockets, eye facing straight ahead, it all worried you. But what worried you most was Yoyo and Slick leaving you at the club knowing what could have happened. Especially with the weirdo you were talking to. 

You both get into his car. As you look down on your lap you feel a heavy shake from Fontaines side of the car. You smack your thick lips. “Damn nigga you ain't needa slam the door that hard.” but he didn't say anything, let alone look at you. He was giving you the cold shoulder. 

 “..taine” cold shoulder again. You sigh deeply. The car ride home was quiet

Fontaine set the car to park and took his key out the car. Before he could open the door you grab his shoulder. “Fuck you touching me for?’ he mumbles. “Fontaine it wasn't what it looked like” Your hand laid on his shoulder. “So you at the bar flirting to some older nigga wasn't what it looked like?” he turns to you, his grills shining as his nose turns up in irritation. “No, it wasn't! And you know I wouldn't do that shit to you” your voice cracked. You didn't want Fontaine to be worried about you. You were a big girl and you didn't need some hood nigga taking care of you, but you also didn't want him to think you were someone to share around. “Then what was it?”

 You ended up telling him everything that happened. From the plan, to the creepy comments. You made sure to lay everything onto the table. 

“Why didn't you say shit at the club?” he sighs looking straight at the driver's wheel as he sucked his teeth. “ ‘cus I know you taine and ion need that type of attention on me.” your eyes stuck at your dress. “That dress giving you every type of attention” Your boyfriend examines your short dress with a deep breath and hand rubbing his beard. He thought you looked jaw dropping but knowing Fontaine, he wasn't gonna let you see him fold so quickly, especially after what just happened. What’d you expect? He's stubborn. You smile, “Whatchu meannnn..” you laugh as you cross your hands, looking at him from the side. 

And like that, flirting quickly turned to fucking. 

Fontaine's rough hands groping your titties, ass, and hips time and time again. His name leaves your thick lips over and over again. the car windows steaming with warm breaths of ecstasy.

“Ion won't no other nigga looking at you” Fontaine groins. “ion care if yo ass was green, don't no nigga need to be laying they eye on what's mine.” you nod, too breathless, too caught up with with the feeling of Fontaine's hands rubbing that spot on your clit. ‘I'm all yours taine” you finally sigh. Your legs shaking as you finally came. But the rhythm of Fontaine's hips continued. His hands gripping your ass as his head lays back. 

“Fontaine, i cant..” you hold his arm. ‘I know baby i know, just relax mama m’kay?” you nod lightly laying yourself on his chest. Your warm breath on his neck. “Where you want it baby?” Fontaine's raspy voice asked. You were so fucked out of it, you couldn't let out coherent words. “In…side..” you moaned as Fontaine came inside you.

“You got it all on my dress!” you yelled out quietly as Fontaine grabbed the house keys. “That’ll show dem weird niggas ya already fucking with someone.” you notice his grin from the side which made you smile.

He really made you feel like a gem tonight. 

[bitchsister]

i can’t stop thinking about gale and bucky dp’ing curtis. i’ve been so sad they never got to do this in eat your young. in my mind it’s exactly what they all need

You diiiiiirty rascal, you.

It took me three days to write this because I had to take a break here and there.

I’ve combined this ask with one I got very shortly after. (Same anon?? Hmmm!?!?! 👀👀👀)

I thought it just made sense to put them together.

THIS IS A LUCKY CHARMS AU PROMPT.

I did think about doing this as an EYY prompt, and could do that again later too if anon would like!! For me, it made sense to pair these two requests up with the LC AU instead of EYY.

Also @swifty-fox is to blame for like half of this even though I planned to do it all before they said anything idc I’m blaming them still.

don’t read if you’re not absolutely LOCKED IN for:

feminization of Curt, double penetration, crying, whining, getting a lil snotty over your boyfriends fucking you absolutely stupid, daddy is used once or twice, pet names like honey, darlin’, baby, Gale and Bucky adoring Curt like he created the universe even though he is Head Brat in Charge.

Reminder : This is Yoyo’s first time writing dp. She does not know what she is doing :-) ever :-)

Andiamo!

Curt was getting used to spending Bucky’s money — and he wasn’t shy about it, either.

In the beginning Curt used to send a text, at the very least, about a sweater he liked, or a journal he wanted from the coffee shop Gale frequented on his coffee and matcha runs for the two of them while they hammered away at case files and court hearings.

Those days were over, though.

A trip to the mall before going over to Bucky’s for the weekend would prove as much.

She’s goddamn beautiful, Bucky commented on an actress in the movie they watched the night before and for whatever reason, that had stuck with Curt.

He thought, in the back of his mind, if Bucky wanted to fuck a girl then he mind as well, but Curt would scamper around in a skirt he bought with Bucky’s money to taunt him for it first.

It was obnoxious, the skirt. The lace. The tule that ruffled the edges and the playboy crop top he bought.

He dressed himself in a fit of giggles, hardly able to look himself in the mirror once he was all finished so he instead trekked to Bucky’s study where he and Gale were thumbing through piles of law books to figure out if their tactics would even hold up in court.

“Hey, darlin’.” Bucky greeted the familiar noise of Curt entering the room without looking up from the book in front of him, but Gale had.

“Johnny,” Gale grumbled at the sight, his lungs squeezed dry of every ounce of oxygen left inside them. “Might wanna look at this.”

Curt stood proudly beside the window he usually did, a lollipop in his cheek and a joint in his hand as he bashfully turned his gaze toward the two of them, giving them that infamous “What?” As if he’d been wearing his usual cut offs and a baggy tee.

“What’s this?” Bucky murmured, sighing loudly as he sat back in his chair, leather squeaking beneath him.

“What’s what?”

“Curtis..”

Curt shrugged a singular shoulder and plopped down by the window, looking down at his collection of books and acting as if he could focus hard enough to pick one he’d pretend to read.

Bucky and Gale had been more the generous with their time these days — giving Curt all the attention he could ever want; fucking him pink, sweaty and sleepy enough so they could buy themselves a couple hours of uninterrupted silence to hammer in the last few nails of their work.

It was understood between the three of them their dynamics.

Curt was in the midst of his summer break and hardly had an interest in a summer job. Instead, he’d spend his days with Bucky and Gale going to dinner or getting fucked in the pool, in the tub, or over the island in the kitchen.

Others, he’d go out to the farm to visit his mother Ruthie. It was his own little getaway where he’d plant wild flowers and drive their little boat in the fresh spring water.

He loved Bucky, and he loved Gale, but all three of them knew their lives were on different paths.

That didn’t mean they weren’t meant to be — no.

If you were to ask Curt if he’d rather be doing anything else with his life, he’d say he’d rather die.

Bucky was so in love with Curt it sometimes made him feel ill and Gale just the same, though he repressed his feelings so far down into his gut that he was unsure he could bring it up without being sick.

It was too much to fathom, too much to think about.

So he didn’t.

Nobody did.

What was the point, when something like this could rock up into Bucky’s study without a forewarning or a text?

“Stop lookin’ at me like that.” Curt grinned, sitting the way he usually did but this time he was wearing a skirt with no underwear beneath it. Just crossed legs, and lips alternating between a cherry lollipop, a joint, and mouthing off as usual.

“C’mere.” Was all Gale had to say, his voice steady and his gaze locked on Curtis whose cheeks flushed pink. He liked when Gale used his voice, which he was getting so much better at as of late.

“Why?”

“‘Cause I said.”

Curt huffed and sat up slowly from where he’d been slouching, the book he’d been staring at clapped closed once he stood and flattened out the skirt that hiked further up with each step toward them.

At times, it was a hard balancing act, but Bucky never minded sharing with Gale and only Gale, who had never once complained about watching if he was put in such a position — however, he’d lately been so hands-on that it was hard to imagine himself sitting idly by while Bucky had all the fun.

“Where’d you get this?” Gale asked, reaching forward to tug at the skirt that Curt wore confidently, but seemed shy in. “Spending Daddy’s money again?”

Curt nodded slowly, slipping himself into Gales lap and wrapping an arm around his shoulders, joint held to Gales lips who reluctantly took a hit.

It was game over.

“He said he liked one of ‘em pretty actresses in that movie we watched last night.” Curt made himself comfortable in Gales lap, the joint between his teeth again as he hummed. “I think I’m prettier, so I thought I oughta show ‘em.”

His knees were scabbed from the farm and his shins bruised from drunken nights with his girlfriends at the college bars, who knew how to fucking put ‘em back.

A tomboy, through and through, but he looked so pretty this way.

Curt could pull off anything.

Bucky snorted anyway, nursing the whiskey he’d had lying around for hours now by his side as he watched Curt drape himself over Gale and feed him more smoke via his own lungs and mouth, “She’s conventionally attractive, Curt. Universally.” He waved his pen, “She wasn’t even wearing a skirt.”

Curt’s cheeks burned bright red, his thighs spread over Gales once he turned in his lap. No longer was he concerned about acting prudent, or modest. He was nothing of the sort. “You don’t think I look pretty?”

Both Gale and Bucky uttered out the loud hums in the very back of their throats; the ones Curt could recognize from anywhere and would know exactly what they meant. “Too fuckin’ pretty.” Bucky concluded in a whisper, watching Gale’s palms flatten over Curt’s mid-summer tanned thighs that already quivered with aching anticipation.

He’d gone and riled himself up more than he’d ever realized, but Bucky and Gale were not so far behind him. “Put him on the desk for me, Gale.” Bucky waved his fingers and Gale was quick to obey, just as eager to please as Curt could ever be.

He stayed behind Curt once he was sat upon Bucky’s desk, his chin resting on his shoulder to look down at his body — his pink nipples, his soft belly and the skirt that hardly covered his thighs and his cock that had began begging for any bit of attention.

“Wait,” Curt slapped his hand over Bucky’s chest to keep him at a close distance while his other pulled Gale closer, drawing him further into Bucky until they were face to face over the desk with Curtis between them. “Give Galey some lovin’.” He demanded, but his voice was soft and so sugary sweet.

It was only recently that Gale and Bucky had broke the third wall; sharing kisses, swapping spit or Curt’s cum they couldn’t bear the thought of tasting by themselves, always so eager to share with each other — Curt wasn’t shy about wanting to explore that need to share a bit deeper, pick and dig at the brains that have wanted to make such advances for years but never knew how.

Their kisses were sloppy, wet, uncoordinated but Curt relished in watching Gale learn how to he loved by a passionate man rather than the hand of a distracted woman who’d rather be doing anything else.

He watched them touch, kiss, lick, bite until he could hardly keep himself still. “Okay,” he whispered, shoving at their chests. “My turn now.”

“Sorry,” Bucky murmured through a chuckle once he’d pulled away from Gale who groaned at the sudden loss, his eyes cracking open to soak up the sight of Curt panting between them with his legs spread wider and waiting. “Galey tastes so much like you right now.”

Weed, cherry, sickly sweet.

Gale hadn’t even minded the fact that Bucky may or may not have been licking the saliva out of his mouth just because of said reason — all he cared was that he had the two of them, and always would.

The details hardly mattered.

Until whenever the day came that they did.

“Shouldn’t be tellin’ us what to do, anyway.” Gale grumbled as he sucked a little red mark into Curt’s collarbone from where he stood, gripping his thighs to spread them as Bucky pressed himself closer on his front side. “Look at yourself.”

Curt smirked once he lifted his thighs, his feet covered in thigh highs spread apart. “Yeah, look at me.” He sighed, as if Gale had made a valid point.

No, a year ago he never would have imagined himself in such a position, wearing a skirt while he spread his legs for two judicial professionals who’d both earned prestigious titles in their respectful fields — but there he was, and there he ought to stay, for as long as they’d have him.

“So, what’s the angle?” Bucky asked through a smirk as he pressed his palms to the back of Curt’s thighs, his knees drawn closer to his chest. “Exactly where did you think this would land you, Curtis?”

A grin was shot back at him once Curt had reached up to grip onto Gale’s biceps. “Mmm.. Somewhere like this.” He panted, his half-lit and almost forgotten about joint still dangling from his lips.

Both Gale and Bucky had rid themselves of their clothing faster than Curt could even register, his hands left briefly to palm between his legs and hike up further the pink skirt that hardly covered anything anymore. “I wanna try it again.” He blurted, his own needy little fingers already working to fuck himself open and get ahead of the process, which last time had failed so miserably.

Curt wanted so badly to feel both Gale and Bucky at the same time — and what better way to bring the three of them closer, he wondered.

No amount of lube or sweet talk could get Curt to relax, too riled up after he’d returned to Bucky’s for the weekend after boxing practice with a bloodied cheek from a misstep and sweat still damp in his hair. Too much adrenaline, still. Gale had rationed when he simply couldn’t fit. Please, no, Galey. Please, please, please. Keep trying. Curt had begged, though he was in tears from their efforts.

“Curt,” Gale whispered, already afraid just he could split him apart on his very own at times. “I don’t think it’s even possible.”

Curt wasn’t taking that for an answer and Bucky knew as much to be the truth, already warming lube between his fingers with a grin. “We can try.” John nodded, looking to Gale as to soothe him and his nerves. Despite how he may act at times, or how he may look, Curt was a big boy who could handle his own. “Second you start crying again is when we stop.”

It wasn’t on purpose — and it wasn’t so much the pain that had caused the tears, but the frustration he felt with his own body for not cooperating.

Thankfully, not a lick of adrenaline had hit his nervous system that day unless you considered the little bit he got from swiping Bucky’s card to buy knee highs, a skirt, and an overpriced playboy top.

Curt nodded in understanding nonetheless, his own fingers that desperately worked themselves between his cheeks replaced by Bucky’s instead — warm, thick, and so familiar. “Fuck,” a whimper dribbled from his lips once he was easily maneuvered to sit over Gales thighs again after he’d circled the desk.

He pressed his back into Gale’s chest, grinning up at him as he moaned through the joint that had finally put itself out. Gale had removed it to discard nearby in one of Bucky’s desk ashtrays littered only with the filters left from Curt’s morning and midday study or magazine flipping joints which had freed his lips to be kissed and bitten by Gale.

Curt gasped, his neck craned upward to catch the kisses Gale was showering upon him while Bucky worked himself into the little body that could already feel him in its belly, full just from one and eager to take on another. “Such a pretty baby,” Gale murmured breathily, holding Curt into position by the backside of his thighs, folded in half in his lap as Bucky slammed his hips into Curt’s ass. “Already so tight around Daddy, you’re too little to take two.”

“Uh-uh,” Curt argued, his cheeks burning red hot and his skin sticky with sweat already. “I can d— fuck,” he reached up again to grab onto Gale’s biceps, gazing at Bucky who was so full of love and adoration, looking at him the same way he did his expensive paintings. “I can do it.”

Bucky’s hips slowed then, watching intently at his cock as it disappeared with each careful thrust while Gales hung heavy and needy.

He nudged Gale upward carefully before he lined their cocks up together, stroking both as if they’d already merged into one somehow.

Their hips found a rhythm once Gale stood and held Curt to his chest by his thighs, Bucky being the anchor he latched onto once he was wedged between them, taking both of their cocks at once with a little encouragement and a ton of luck, just like he said he would, yet nobody could utter a word just yet besides the sputtering, whimpery mess Curt had suddenly become with the hem of his skirt pulled up and clenched between his teeth.

Though it was difficult, Gale and Bucky had made it a point to go slow.

“Fu- uuck,” Curt panted while Bucky cooed at him, the feeling of Gales cock so close and tight against his own and the familiar warmth of Curt around both of them was unlike anything he’d ever felt.

Like nothing he’d ever imagined.

“Look at you,” Bucky recognized the Curt in front of him, his jaw unhinged and his eyes glassy and trying so hard to focus, but hadn’t seen him quite this gone in some time. “You’re doin’ so good.”

Gale’s gaze had landed on Bucky again, needy and wanting and waiting as he huffed little breaths of oxygen from his lungs. “You should see Galey’s face, Curt. Makin’ him feel so fuckin’ good, honey.” Bucky pressed a few sloppy kisses to Gales lips that were starting to taste more like him again.

Spearmint, matcha, little wooden toothpicks.

“Takin’ us both like this.”

“You’re so fuckin’ sweet to us, Curtie.”

“Look at you, baby. Takin’ cock like you were born for it.”

A sight for sore eyes, the few little wet spatters on Curt’s belly from his own leaking cock caught Bucky’s attention. “Look how wet you are.”

Curt had bounced back and forth from panting and moaning to choking back little sobs that made his chest heave and shudder, cheeks splotchy, pink and covered in hot wet tears, nose stuffy and sniffling. “I-I told ya I could do it.” He hiccuped through what sounded to be a sob, but his expressions had shown not one bit of pain.

Both Gale and Bucky had remembered their deal earlier about the tears but this felt too fucking good to let go of, even despite the big fat stream that trickled down from Curt’s pretty blue eyes and to his chest once Gale had stripped him of his clothing, skirt and all. “Oh, sweet baby.” Bucky moaned, “Does that feel good?”

A wild string of yesyesyes’s was fucked out of him, his core rattling with each draw of oxygen back into his lungs that felt like they’d begun to bleed.

He felt so full of them, the sensation nestled deep into his belly — he couldn’t stop the wave of emotions that ripped right through him, whining and whimpering, hardly able to muster even a squeal through it all and so instead it came out in a continuous swirl of gentle weeping.

Dontstopdontstopdontstop, pleasepleaseplease, Curt wailed amidst the cacophony of beautiful skin against skin, thick, breathy moans, and more wet kisses shared between Gale and Bucky who were closer now than they’d ever been before, even including their college days.

Bucky licked into Curt’s mouth that simply couldn’t stay shut, and then Gale had leaned forward to do just the same.

By now, Bucky had learned Gales tell for how close he was to tipping right over the edge. “M’gonna — fuck -“ he mouthed at the dip in Curt’s shoulder, mostly tongue and so very gentle I’m-in-love-right-now-but-I’d-rather-die-than-admit-it kisses. “Gonna make me come, baby.” Gales voice had gone deeper than ever before, a low growl mixing with the same one Bucky had huffed back at him.

“Y’gonna be full of it, just like you wanted.”

Curt sobbed between them, but rocked his hips harder against the two, “Faster,” he begged, though he looked in no shape to be requesting such a thing. “Please — faster - please fuck me faster.”

He was in no mood for Gale or Bucky to scold him for bad manners.

A swirl of pretty pinks, yellows, blues and greens.

Tan skin, the smell of them, the sound of the fountain in the pool trickling outside the open window by his usual spot.

His body had hardly been his, then.

Used by Bucky and Gale beyond its limits until everything became warm, wet, and sticky. He was filled with it, covered in it, licking it from his fingers and from Gales mouth once he’d been plopped onto the leather of the couch in the study, peppered in kisses as his vision blearily came in and out of focus from the exhaustion that crept up on him, Bucky wiping him clean with a wet wash cloth from the adjoining bathroom while Gale smoothed his hair away from his eyes.

“Told ya I could do it.” Curt whispered through the hiccups that still wracked his lungs that struggled to catch an even breath.

{ these keep getting longer and longer pls put a muzzle on me }

[party-gilmore]

Also like. It's literally DAY ONE of my new screen-time enforcement. Not even a full twenty four hours yet.

And holy shit.

Literally, all day long, I have been physically itching to pick up my phone and get on here and see what's happening. Not even about specifically bad shit like I've been fixating on I mean for literally ANYTHING. Repeatedly, constantly, through out the day, picking up and flicking over to where the app was on my home page and just. Staring for a minute until I realize what I'm doing. Over and over and over and just seeking and seeking and seeking... i don't know what, but SOMETHING. To make posts, check posts, see what's going on... like physically fucking painful. And then towards the end of the day, the fucking anxiety literally all built around not know exactly what's happening right now what if I miss something. The fucking legit panic. Then the relief right as I sat down at my computer.

Like. I rolled my fucking eyes when people talk about the Youths being Addicted To Their Phones. But holy shit. Holy shit. There was. APPARENTLY. an underlying issue to ALL of this [gestures at self and the various smaller yoyo-ing mental breaks happening lately] that I had no fucking CLUE about.

On the one hand I feel so fucking silly for having such a hard time doing something so simple, just "wait till you get home then limit your time." But on the other hand there's... a bit of a relief element? Like "oh, okay, this was. there was something WRONG wrong here."

[madlockcal]

( BENJAMIN WADSWORTH, CISMALE, HE/HIM ) CALUM MADLOCK the TWENTY FOUR year old is said to remind people of FIDGETING WITH SHARP OBJECTS, FUCKED UP BOX OF CIGARETTES they are known to be AMICABLE and INDECISIVE which makes sense when you think about how they are A DRUG RUNNER in THE BLACK SPADES.

Hi hello! My name is T and in this essay I will be introducing you to my home boi Calum. There will be some triggering topics below so please proceed with caution!

basics:

full name:  Calum Alexander Madlock

nicknames:  Cal, CAM, Callie,

gender:  Cismale

pronouns:  He/Him

sexuality:  Pansexual

age:  24

date of birth:  April 5th

Birthplace: Philadelphia, PA

zodiac sign:  Aries

likes:  Sprite, cough syrup, mixing the two, yoyo’s, video games, collecting key chains

dislikes: When it takes people to long to unlock the car door, cold fries, reality TV

Background: (tw: Overdose, drug use)

What all can be said about Calum Madlock? He wasn’t the popular kid in high school by any means. At least not for his personality he wasn’t. The only time anyone really paid him much attention was when he set the head cheerleaders uniform on fire on a dare. She deserved it anyways. Especially after slapping him for trying to get her best friend to steal a car with him. His drug dealing tendencies were another story. He didn’t start out that way. On the contrary. Calum's home life was decent. He was born to two very wealthy parents who loved and adored him, but loved traveling the world for work even more. Leaving him most of the time with his grandparents. Which on its own should not have been a reason for Cal to spiral down the path that he had.

Unfortunately like most men in his family, Calum was cursed with the same luck of falling for people who had a knack for damaging them. He met Natalia Walsh on his first day of school freshman year and fell instantly in love with her. Didn’t have to do much chasing. She fell for him just as quickly. As per usual things started out innocent. Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. Girl also likes drugs. Calum learned quickly that Nat had been raised by an entire family of addicts and despite her assurance watched as the girl he loved just as quickly fell victim to the powers of addiction. Fortunately for Nat, Calum was far from the good boy his parents and grandparents had expected him to be. Had, had his own introduction to pot and cocaine when he’d been out to visit his cousins in Portland. Envied his cousins life for his ability to get high so freely without having to hide it from anyone.

As time went on he and Nat grew and developed new loves for trying different things together. Everything was all good until coming home from a stint in rehab and having been informed by his grandparents that they’d gotten a call from her parents. They had come home and found her dead on arrival thanks to an unknown cocktail she’d taken without telling him. Calum had no idea where she’d gotten it but her parents still reached out to his grandparents immediately to warn them. This earned Calum a one way ticket back to rehab.

Lot of good that did him right? Wrong! Because how are you ever supposed to recover from knowing you could have done something but didn’t? By drowning yourself further. When he’d returned home from rehab he was immediately transferred to a boarding school for the rich and the preppy. People he didn’t fit in with and certainly didn’t get along with. But he’d found solace in rising to the top as the number one drug dealer that school had ever seen. They didn’t have to like him. Not when they needed him. And he used this to propel him through his remaining high school years. Sure things weren’t perfect. They were never going to be for a kid who got his kicks getting high and making a menace of his peers. Unfortunately when it came time for college applications, after all the money his grandparents had spent having to send him to boarding school, it meant he had no choice but to apply for a scholarship if he wanted any hope of getting into the school they had also hand picked for him. Little did they know, the "scholarship" he received was far from real and instead had him running away to New York. He no longer felt the need for the familial ties he'd once craved. Not when he'd find himself affiliated with The Black Spades. They'd become his new family, and made doing the kind of business he'd always thrived in a breeze.

[tobiasdrake]

So, if I know my Mesa Island geography, we should be getting pretty close to Songshroom Marsh. Wonder if Yoyo's still hanging around here?

That's, uh... that's... not an ominous name or anything....

This place... doesn't seem quite as fun as Luana made it sound.

Okay, full disclosure, I was actually trying to drown myself in the mire because I want to tell Quarble about all the cool stuff I did.

But this is cool too. I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes attempted suicide comes with neat prizes. If they ever write a fable about all the things I learned on my travels, I'll be sure to include that.

Holy shit, the Magic Seashell? The one from Watcher Island that lets you breathe underwater?

Wait, no, I can already do that for some reason. Plus, it doesn't really look that cute. Luana said it was a cute pink clamshell thing. She was very excited about it. But this more resembles a slug.

That does sound like it relates to the magic Docarri shells, though. Hmm....

Yeah. Uh. What the hell happened to this place? Luana didn't like it very much but what she described pales in comparison to how tortured and gross the marsh is.

Also, she called it Songshroom but the sign at the entrance said Quillshroom. So. Obviously some changes have taken place.

Oh, is it the cool magic seashell I found? 'Cause I found it. You can't have it back. It's mine now, as laid down in the Mine Now, Fucko bylaw.

Primal Fear... fuck, I know that name. It's... somewhere. Maybe one of Teaks's stories? I don't know. I've heard it before. I know I've heard it before.

No, wait! It was one of the volumes of prophecy that Yoyo kept in her cabin. She had a book on Primal Fear. That's where I know the name from.

Is. That. Where the living mushrooms come from?

...Luana wrote about them singing. The ones I've seen have not been singing. I don't think they're enjoying their fungal lives anymore.

With gusto.

I can't believe you told me to fight it! Do you have any idea how humiliated I was!? That was the most embarrassing moment of my goddamn life.

And I once screwed up Cloudstep practice so hard I ended up dangling from a tree branch by my pants around my ankles. I met Quarble on a return trip through a challenge I'd already solved. So the competition is steep.

How many times have you sent members of my order to their graves to pick a fight with a harmless glowball minding his fucking business!?

FUCK. No wonder Luana called probably-you an assclown!

WHAT. NO. I don't really see much relevance or importance in your stories - I think the pear tree one might have been about Yoyo maybe? - but I've been enjoying them nonetheless.

I'll stop touching your cabinet if you keep sharing stories with me. ._. Pweese?

Oh, there's the singing mushrooms. Okay, so they are still here.

They. Uh. They don't look very cheerful, though. Luana said they were cheerful.

Gotta say, not a fan of the titular quillshrooms. Their quills are incredibly difficult to dodge, especially when they fire while I'm in midair. What total assholes.

As a botanophobe, I can't be surprised by this, but fungus is far more dangerous than turtles.

...how stupid do I feel like being today?

I am... passably competent at the Cloudstep. I think I could--

Okay, I want it on record that I actually made it, but was killed by a Quillshroom afterwards. After being thoroughly tenderized by spikes in the process of making it but that's beside the point. The point is I'm awesome and this is definitely going down as a W in my book.

Not important. What's important is HEY BESTIE, check out where we are? Yeah, that's right, I'm blazing trails through Quillshroom Marsh with my expert jumping and profound getting-stabbed proficiencies.

I know we were in Howling Grotto last we talked but I... found the exit of my own accord and nothing else happened. Now we're here. Trying to not be here as expediently as possible because I don't want to be a mushroom.

...

Why is this my life?

...we've found one secret path beneath the mire. I wonder... This does look very suspicious.

They thought they could hide their secrets from me. Joke's on them, I am highly skilled in observation and pattern recog--

I think I hate this place.

[gluion]

HII 24, 48, 49, 53 FOR THE ASK GAME !!

hi hi kimchi!!! thank you so much for sending in an ask <3 i apologize for how long this will be LOL but i hope enjoy hearing my silly kpop thoughts heheh

24. your favorite debuts?

hands down, i love boynextdoor's mainly because their debut at least strayed away from the trend of boycrush music that's been happening in 4th gen grps, and it felt like a good way to start the 5th gen era. i also LOVE zb1's debut because the masterpiece that is youth in the shade as an entire album. i wasn't considering to stan zb1 mainly because i've had my fair share of survival show groups but literally sooo fucking good i couldn't help it. loona's debut will always hold a special place in my heart because the whole "girl of the month" concept really was sooo good. i remember when i first heard chuu's heart attack and i was sold. i stayed with them since. txt's is also my favorite. even if im a predebut stan, the way they really had such a distinct sound from debut that followed them until minisode era.... love my txt boys special mentions to golcha's damdadi, newjeans' debut, wannaone's energetic, and nct dream's chewing gum

48. a kpop group whose concert you MUST attend in your lifetime

boynextdoor! not only just because they're my ult group but they have been the only group (aside from bts) where i was okay to watch them over a day6 concert. and that's a huge deal to me. a lot of my friends know i've given up other kpop concerts just to watch day6 regardless of how many times ive seen them, but bonedo has been the only group where i felt like i can watch them over day6. (it's never happened with past ult groups like svt, nct dream, or tbz like its sooo srs to me if i would be okay watching another group over day6... my forever ult group for life)

49. your favorite kpop songs from this year (2024)?

THE ENTIRETY OF BAND AID ALBUM. I LOVE YOU DAY6. i literally could not stop listening to it. its such a perfect album personally because i have always been a big lover of their more rock-leaning tracks. i am literally still struggling to rank these tracks like i love that album to Bits. but special mentions to monster and counter like wow. i can ramble on and on about day6 but i wont. (like. theres a reason why my user is GLUION.) happy and get the hell out by day6.... wow i just LOVE day6 im sorry but literally saved my soul. fourever saved my soul it did. come back to me by rm really did genuine emotional damage to me. like i love the whole right place, wrong person album but that track in specific has such immense impact on my soul and i think its because the mv reminds me of myself. the entirety of the TRIGGER ALBUM BY THE BOYZ. BUT ESPECIALLY slip away and re-wind by tbz is so fucking good like i am still so gagged. honestly THE WHOLE ALBUM IS SOOO GOOD. it is one of my highly rated albums from this year. ist went all out because they know tbz is leaving LMFAO. good so bad by zb1 is like textbook defintion of a day6 track filled with youth and nostalgia but more pop. like if you listen to it, you will UNDERSTAND. i cried to that song because the production of that track is so day6. i also fucking LOVE insomnia like its the perfect bside imo like i went crazy in the concert and i always go back to it killin' it by p1harmony was also sooo good. that went platinum in my household. i love piwon sooo fucking much. le sserafim's crazy honestly such a banger track. i am still listening to it. i am still at the club. i love that song and literally just been a fan of ssera's sound also love love LOVE riize's impossible, lucky, and boom boom bass. i love house music, and boom boom bass was stuck in my head for a good chunk of my life. i love riize. special mentions to yoyo by rescene, supersonic by fromis_9, crazy by le sserafim, love wins all by iu, and dash by nmixx

53. tell me your unpopular kpop opinion!

omg crazy take but people need to stop killing people over album/music preferences. like sorry but music is subjective and youre not better if you like all or none. like SORRY!

[gerrystamour]

@stobinesque / @amusingdisplacement requested "You need to wake up because I can't do this without you." for Vinny/Keziah

So, once again, me and Read have created OCs, we put them in a mafia!au, bon appetit

Vinny, Tig, & Winters: Mine

Keziah & Yoyo: Read's

This takes place before THIS FICLET that I posted the other day.

Tagging the scromies: @scarcrossdlvrs @patchworkgargoyle @sidekick-hero @vecnuthy @steddieas-shegoes @theheadlessphilosopher @wormdebut @sentient-trash @starryeyedjanai

Aaaaand tagging the honourary scromies: @hellion-child @lovemesomeartsstuff (since both of you seem to like all the OC posting too)

Kez stood at the end of the hospital bed, staring down at zir husband with a numbness ze hadn’t felt in years. Since the brothel, before Vincenzo got zir out of there.

It had been hours since Vincenzo got out of surgery, and he was still not awake. The doctors were certain he would pull through, and Kez couldn’t stop zirself before they snarled, “He better.”

Vincenzo had to wake up so ze could yell at him, grab him by the throat and send him to hell zirself for that stupid fucking move he pulled back there. He had to wake up because too much was riding on him succeeding for him to fucking die.

“Ms. D’Amore.”

Kez blinked and released zir hold on the footboard of the bed, shaking out zir hands as ze turned to face the owner of the voice behind zir. Ze was getting distracted, not even hearing someone coming into the room, and that was dangerous. This hospital wasn’t on enemy turf, but it wasn’t on Vincenzo’s either; ze had to be alert.

Luckily, it was only Tig, one of Vincenzo’s boys, his most trusted bodyguard and enforcer.

“You were saying something?” Kez asked after a few long moments, and Tig’s face changed. It was a sympathetic expression, and Kez had the very uncharitable urge to smack him for it.

“There was a situation earlier, down at Yoyo’s club. Carver’s people showed up and had to be dealt with,” Tig repeated, and Kez’s hackles raised. Fucking vultures, already circling. Or maybe the more accurate comparison would be sharks, scenting blood in the water.

“How serious was it?” ze asked, turning zir gaze back to Vincenzo on the bed.

“They were put down. Expeditiously,” Tig replied, and Kez nodded.

“How many civilian witnesses?” ze asked next, dreading this answer most. Civilian witnesses usually meant the cops would come sniffing around and would need to be bribed. Ze hated dealing with cops.

“None,” Tig replied, and when Kez shot a look over zir shoulder, he raised his hands defensively. “It happened in Yoyo’s office. Winters was with her, they just needed help with clean-up.”

Kez took a deep breath through zir nose and let it out slowly, nodding once. “Go to the club. Both of us being seen here will only make them bolder.”

Tig didn’t move. “I shouldn’t leave you here alone,” he eventually said, and anger rose hot and bitter in Kez’s throat.

“You will do as you’re fucking ordered, Faulkner,” Kez bit out, wringing zir hands around the foot board of the bed again.

“Boss wouldn’t like—”

“If Vincenzo wanted me to give a shit about what he would’ve liked, he wouldn’t have gotten himself shot,” Kez all but snarled, whirling on Tig and crowding him against the door. “Now, let’s try this again, shall we? Go. To the club. Now.”

Tig stared down at zir, expression closed off and tense before he nodded once. “On it, Boss.”

With that, he slipped out the door and left Kez in the room alone with zir husband.

Returning to the bed, ze stood at the side of it and stared down at Vincenzo. He looked wrong, almost small against the stark sheets, his hair an uncharacteristic mess and the hospital gown the wrong shade of blue for his complexion. He was alive, but barely, and it was terrifying staring down that possibility.

“You hear that, Vincenzo? They’re already coming for everything you built,” Kez bit out, low and quiet as the veil of numbness briefly parted, just long enough to feel the ache of zir heart shattering, and tears sprung to zir eyes.

“I love you.” “I wish you didn’t.”

It was the last thing they said to each other before Vincenzo lost consciousness, succumbing to the blood-loss. How could that man be choking on his own blood and still manage to tell Kez he loved zir? It was insane, something out of the terrible romantic dramas Vincenzo pretended he didn’t watch. And yet he did it, and Kez didn’t respond in kind, and now he might never wake back up.

“You need to wake up, Vincenzo,” Kez continued, trying to keep zir voice even as ze slipped zir hand into Vincenzo’s. “It’s all going to fall apart.”

That wasn’t true, necessarily. Or more, that wasn’t the real reason behind that grasping, clawing thing inside zir. Kez didn’t give a shit about the Organization, the Family.

Ze cared about Vincenzo. Ze cared about them, and the thought of them becoming just Kez made it feel like ze was being skinned alive.

Before ze could stop zirself, Kez crawled up onto the bed and curled around Vincenzo, pressing a wobbly kiss to his shoulder.

“You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you, Vin,” Kez whispered against his shoulder, finally letting a few tears escape as ze tangled their fingers together in zir lap. “I need you, Vin. Please, wake up.”

[rubythecrimsonwriter]

I have to say this because I just had a very serious talk with my bestie about weight.

When I first went to college, I was doing acrobatics four days a week and a 15 to 18 hour course load a semester, while spending six months out of the year sick or recovering from such. The bronchitis plus [whatever comorbid illness struck this time] was bad enough, but the recovery took so long because I had so little fat that my body would start eating muscle and tissue.

I had access to a school nutritionist and so I wrote down everything that I tended to eat, how often I did so. My diet was and still is semi-decent, mostly because I have enough texture issues that a lot of junk food and "unhealthy" (I say that loosely) stuff I can only eat very tiny portions of, if at all, and most meat things are completely off the table unless I make it myself.

I was and still am very high energy. I have always been skinny or slender since I started walking, had some body image issues after being sick and I could count every rib. At the time of going to the nutritionist, I was 190 pounds of mostly muscle.

She looked at me like I'd lost my goddamn mind when I said I wanted to gain some fat and I wanted to know why I just wasn't. I was a freshman. I knew about the freshman fifteen. Instead of gaining fifteen pounds, though, I lost it, and it was fifteen pounds I didn't really have to lose. I was eating something ridiculous like almost double what the average woman "should" be, calorie wise, basically constantly snacking because I was always hungry.

Two years later I was in the hospital for a month. A wheelchair for seven. Lost almost eighty pounds in eight months. Died three times.

It's five years past that now. I'll never be able to fly like I used to, but I can pick up unsuspecting coworkers and adoptive siblings again, which is great fun for startling them. I can renovate my house without too much issue. I weigh 160 lbs now, and for the first time in my life, I have fat on me, after seven years of working at it and so many goddamn catastrophes it's ludicrous.

It took me seven years to gain twenty pounds of fat. Of me actively working on it. There's no such fucking thing as "weight gain!" pills, and there's no such thing as "weight loss" pills either, and take it from an Irish woman? Starving yourself doesn't work either. If you feel good in your body, if it works for you regardless of your weight, then you're fine. The only way anything is going to change is a massive force--like illness, or amputation, or cancer, or occupation, or food scarcity.

Fat people's positive representation in media is shit, and the way that Americans, at least, tend to see fat people is shit, and I'm sorry. You are worthy of feeling at home in your body, without fear of judgement of yourself or society, of feeling good without reservation. The twenty pounds of fat I've gained has, no joke, changed my life. I don't get cold standing in front of a refrigerator, I'm not utterly terrified of getting sick again and dying of something stupid like bronchitis or strep throat. I feel good, and I hope that you can feel good too, and not continuously damage your body by yoyoing your weight with attempted diets and pills.

[silver-wield]

A short popped up on my yt about Marlene telling Zack, Aerith likes Cloud. So many people were commenting on how they feel sorry for Zack and how it wasn't his fault for not being there. That you could tell he was hurt but was trying not to show it and that he was done dirty and deserved better.

Then you have the cleriths😑 commenting about how "Cloud is better, he was actually there for Aerith," "See, Zack is fine with Cloud and Aerith being together, " Zack is such a good friend. He saved Cloud so he could be with Aerith and make her happy because he knows their feeling for each other!" And of course, you also have that one clerith commenting the SAME THING under EVERY comment 🙄 " Cloud went on an entire adventure with her, not Zack! She has more feelings for Cloud!" Such a 💩 take, lol. She knew Cloud for what, a month? She dated Zack for 2 years, but ok...

These people have so much copium! Someone in the comments had the nerve to say Aerith fans are more mature🤣🤣🤣 Thankfully most people disagreed. They replied back, " You joking, right?" " cringe, y'all take the game too far. " " y'all Aerith fans are nuts! " You guys read too many doujins."You clerith fans are a lost cause." 😂😂

Seriously though, the only people who are happy about what they did to Zack in this game are Cleriths who think they still have a chance. Even though cloti got a kiss and all they had was hand holding and being friend zoned on a failed date. Oh yeah, and she died!

Cloud knew aerith for 3 weeks while he was under alien control. Which means she never knew him. All her garbage about liking him is just that. She don't know him.

She should've been faithful to zack instead of a back stabbing bitch. Maybe people would've liked her then.

Nobody likes her or talks about her "iconic" death scene. The devs took it away from her. That death scene was like watching a fucking yoyo go up and down.

[malocclusive]

big ol baby trans ramble under the cut

Watching some analysis of Beastars/Animal Complex being queer in the background of crocheting and keeping tipsy, and just loving being trans. (If anyone came here from tags, thank you. I'm also 33 next month so like... Not a later life trans dude, but later than the average online it seems)

Never feel trans enough, since I'm not punished for it (How fucking sad is that/I know how bad gender affirming care sourcing can be and mine was a breeze aside from the fact that it's been almost 2 months of me waiting for top surgery dates. I can't get over the fact my insurance will pay for this, and I know I couldn't have even thought of it before transferring to high school, and it's sad it took 20 years of me crushing any thoughts of being nonbinary/male before I was so at the end of my rope that I was even searching to see if I could get top surgery through my insurance) despite that being an ABSOLUTE LUXURY on my end, and my spinelessness in affirming myself in situations with friends of friends and in the workplace.

Most of my students have been super on board, but every time I get new kids transferred in (constantly) I'll introduce myself as "mx." and kind of.... leave it at that. I have a sticker that says "Hello I'm Mx. _____ they/them" on my laptop w the trans flag, but man. Even in my super liberal school, it's... not something I want to harp on, honestly.

The kids (and adults, but mostly kids) who get it, get it. Those who don't, I'd LOVE to be a little more insistent on it, but I also don't want to come off as the "badgering queer". You never know if they just haven't caught on, or if their homelife is massively queerphobic.

I'm extremely lucky that my husband hasn't really felt any animosity or lack of feelings towards me, far as I know. My one coworker left her husband after she came out as trans. This was a long time ago, but still. The AFAB NB and Trans groups I'm on are constantly posting about how their partners stopped loving them or left them. Also, I definitely live with monogamous demisexual privilege. I have 0 want or need for a relationship outside of my husband, and if he never asked me out 23 years ago, I'd probably still be single. I'm more than enough fun for myself.

I desperately want more queer folks to chill with within a short drive, but I'm too scared to post anything on the local facebook groups or nextdoor. I haven't even come out to any of my neighbors except for 2, but I genuinely think the group I used to drink with moved front yards down the street because I kept calling the main guy out on being transphobic and probing the virulent toxic masculinity in the group.

Was off my ass new year's at like 2 am while they were still partying, and while I brought an entire platter of shit for s'mores and some beers and entertained the kids (I was shockingly less off my ass than their folks, so I was fixing yoyos and showing them how to spin em) I called these two dudes out for their homophobic antics, more or less.

At least I THINK that's what happened? I got up the next day at like noon and only had a text that said "wow" from my favorite (genuinely good dude, only one in the culdesac) and that's kinda what I can piece together from being wasted.

Anyways, I love being a gay trans dude, but know it's all theory for a very, very long time. The more I research going on T, the more I love the idea. I thought I'd be fine with just top surgery, but man. I'd love to "pass" some day. Or at least be confusing enough that folks aren't sure how to address me. Maybe that's just because I'm extremely femme looking, 5' tall, and ridiculously hourglass shaped. I still got called "sir" a lot working at trader joe's in college, but even at my lightest I was still super curvy, just less all around. So maybe it's not all body and voice, idk. I wish I could harness that energy, because my personality is no less bombastic now than it was then.

I just feel like a fraud because I haven't faced persecution outside of folks just ignoring my identity. That's par for the course. When I was even firmly cis, I'd get folks correcting me if I said I was the "King of _____". Bro, it wasn't an accident. It's dumb to say "I'm not trans because people don't want me dead", but that's an extremely real reality for a majority of folks. Also transmasc folks/trans men seem far fewer/prevalent than trans women. I don't know what I should be doing, haha. Plus there's a lot of "dress up" vibes folks attribute to AFAB NBs so who fucking knows

Idk, I think I just want some validation. Not persecution, but I'm sure everyone who identifies as trans or nonbinary goes through this same thing at some point, and I've only been OUT for like 2 months. I'm also not the kind of person to take a stand for myself since I can pretty much weather anything. I'm also way more into the subtle approach on things, so I'll slide in bits and bobs and eventually another person will hopefully put those subconscious pieces together and realize they were wrong. You can't yell at someone and have them change, but you can be a listening ear for when they start questioning their own beliefs. That's my gay agenda and how I'm indoctrinating kids at work. Being very queer (They clocked me by like week 2 on an iykyk basis, and though I'm in my little hidey hole, the LGBTQ summit had kids telling me "yeah, this person I knew was like "Do you wanna be like THAT TEACHER? Because you'll end up like that."" Which I still don't know what that means, but it was something an out trans boy was told by their friend so. Here we are, lol.) but supportive of all kids regardless, and calling things out when I hear it/correcting misinformation.

I posted earlier about a student who came out to me as intersex like week 2 of my career at my high school. "Your hair, your glasses, your stickers, and personality, I just knew I could tell you.". He was going for some surgery and would be out a bit, and said he wanted to tell me why. He also told me he got stopped on the way to the SINGULAR gender neutral bathroom by security, because his pass was for the upper level and the only GN bathroom was on the ground floor. I love how I was gonna say I raised hell, but nah, I politely went to security and explained the situation, told him to have security talk to me if they had a problem, escorted him the next time I was free and he needed to go, and brought it up with the LGBTQ committee, which the principal is on (AND RECEPTIVE)

Idk. I'm just trying to lead by example. I know I'm in baby trans territory, and there's so much discourse and so many issues I'm not in because I keep to myself. For a terminal extrovert, I really don't involve myself outside of like... the 2nd degree of separation. Keeps me safe and I can control what I can ACTUALLY control, but I also feel like I'm not doing things right, in a way. Never had much support from my folks growing up, and while my Gramma was my lifeline, this is out of her depth. My cousin and her husband are both trans, so I'm the 3rd in the crew, but they're still... Somehow confused on it lol.

I told my mom(via text, the only useful way tbh), and she made it about her after saying "okie dokie" and how her bestie shouldn't have a kid with her boyfriend (husband?) and that my mom wishes she could have a kid with her(????????? the whole thing is confusing, my mom's friend is her surrogate for me since my mom genuinely is a diagnosed narcissist who won't do anything to better or repair her relationships (esp from her deep addiction days) and her response was vague enough that it also sounded like she wanted me to get her pregnant.... So confusing shit all around). I haven't told my dad (lives like a 13 hour drive from me) and probably won't til I at least heal from top surgery, if at all. Still just not telling my inlaws, but they're former Korean Unification Church members, and my FIL genuinely thinks women shouldn't be cannon fodder in the military because of their weakness.

Been a hoot with the staff at my school (mostly office, who I goss with and hang out with when I pass through and on planning periods) telling me how extremely femme I am. Hon, I'm the one folks come to for wd40 before maintenance, and I'm only a carabiner away from dressing like a stereotypical butch.

My queerest teammate said "It's the tits" which killed me. I can't wait to slough off a pair of 30FFs, fucking christ. I bet when I sit up for the first time I'll throw myself into orbit due to the lack of weight.

idk where I was going here, but I got a lot of crochet to do.

Anyways, I can't tell you how much I light up whenever I hear my husband call me his husband. Or by my name I'm still waiting on the paperwork on. Or they/he. Anyone, really, but it means so much to hear it from my favorite person. It's hard to think of what third person honorific to say when talking to the cats, though. I hate "wife" memes bc when they're about folks' goofy feral wives I'm "that's me fr" but most are written by and for straight couples, and there's definitely a double standard there. Dumpster diving? Hah, your wife is so quirky and goofy! OH YOUR HUSBAND CAN'T PROVIDE.

Hon, they're folks, let em be. I love a chaos gremlin-stoic responsible couple, but we don't need to gender it.

[dailyoyo]

thabk yoi a lot dailyoyo your brains are very compelling to me it kind of makes me want to study you like ants . i quote you all the time like i tell my friends " i stole this sentiment / headcanon from a deranged yoyo tumblr account " . you are aspirational really Truly we need more dailyoyos in the world i cant stop thinking about lawyer yoyo now .... also i beg for more dissecting of yoyo and mew dynamics if ur Into That . theuve always been really interesting to me but honestly like 4 pieces of canonexist in jsr ever so

VERY DELIGHTFUL ASK TO GET. i love to hear that i have had a net impact in making people get weirder. its so important to me. making the jsr fandom worse one post at a time <3

a lot of the way i post in here is inspired by both my friends but also some of the crazy bitches (affectionate) ive seen around over in the dragon ball z fandom in particular, but really i think ANYONE in the world no matter the fandom has the god-given right to tear characters apart with their teeth and make them fail as fuck and really really really sick in the head in ways they were probably not intended to be read as in canon. Everypony out there get eviler!!!!!!!!!!!! Now.

IM GLAD YOU LIKE LAWYER YOYO I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT TOO. hes fascinating to me in that like hes technically not a Bad Ending (MOST of that au technically isnt!) and yet objectively he is a worse outcome because in regular(paradox) canon theres an avenue for yoyo to heal and become less bastardous. because like he has genuine friends and positive interactions and reasons to Want to be more than a self serving shithead. and also hes 16 of course hes an asshole hes 16.

but with lawyer yoyo its like. Its too late. He grew up and he stayed like that and he does not care to change and he has no impetus to change. hes definitely living a safer and more comfortable life and he has much higher self-esteem but he is Staying dead inside. Like ok regular yoyo and lawyer yoyo are both mentally at the bottom of basically the same exact well but lawyer yoyo was like "fuck it" and built a house down there. do you get me

Oh fuck this post is getting so long and i havent even talked about mew and yoyo yet.

okay so liek. beat was yoyo's first proper Friend in the ggs (as opposed to "just tolerating him being around"). because beat kind of totally fell for yoyo's whole harmless schtick lmao. but mew was the first Real Friend in that she picked up on how much of a fake fuck yoyo was and decided to hang out with him anyway.

which. ADMITTEDLY. this was originally BECAUSE she was fascinated by yoyo being so insincere (for a while he was also really playing up the "ohoho i'm TOOOTALLY not a double agent" thing for shits and giggles even though he literally wasnt.). and as previously mentioned yoyo had a crush on her which is why he didnt realize mew could see right through him. honestly for a while he kind of thought he had totally had her under his thumb but the whole time mew was like "Awww hehe he thinks im only hanging out with him because of his manipulations, thats so cute ^_^" (<- DERANGED)

and in a way while they were already friends their friendship didnt Truly start until after yoyo confessed his love and was rejected. because like the whole thing was kind of a wakeup call for yoyo - mew had noticed his feelings all along and was waiting for him to say something Just to reject him, and like among normal people that would probably be a lot more hurtful but in that circumstance it was like... she'd outplayed him. easily. and he didn't even notice, but she's still here anyway. and she still wants to hang out with him even though she can tell the kind of person he is.

because the thing is like. mew may play up her innocence and naivety but she IS genuinely kind at heart. a lot of her strange desire to examine nasty people under a microscope is because of her desire to see the humanity in everyone, to understand Why people do the things they do. and she's not under any illusions that she can """Fix Him""", god knows she's not sure she can even "fix" herself, but she saw yoyo for what he was and could respect the survival mechanisms at play for what they were. (this is also why mew was so immediately like "idk Yoyo doesn't seem like that kind of person..." when the nt-3000 thing happened because. like. she Understood his modus operandi and that simply Wasn't It.)

and like when youre the kind of person who thinks that as soon as someone sees under your mask that they'll want you dead in a ditch, knowing someone who recognizes your mask and is just like "oh cool, i got one too" is kind of world-shaking. paradoxically them recognizing each others' insincerity makes them be a lot more sincere with each other.

Oh fuck this post long as hell. yoy

[inklore]

hi lauren. i was the anon before that asked if you were ok with answering writing advice. lately i've been dealing with a lot of self doubt with my writing. and as much as i hate to say it, the amount of reactions i get on here has been making me think i'm just shitty at writing. do you have any advice to combat writing insecurities like this?

hi darling, i hope you're well and hydrated <3

and i want to first start off by saying that every writer goes through this, even published authors have self doubt and struggle just as this. i go through this, i'm currently going through this. it's hard to combat especially if you're dealing with it alone. it's always nice to have friends and followers and mutuals to help combat these feelings. but sometimes not even that can kick the self doubt in the ass.

with that said i don't think there's a 'fix all' for this. there's things you can do to kick it to the curb and push through, but just remember this is all a part of being a creative being. we hold ourselves to high standards because we know we can create great things, we have before. and it's hard. not everyone is blessed with the ability to create, whether that's writing, art, designing damn buildings. so just know you're absolutely amazing and talented for writing at all. writing good, writing bad, it's all writing, creating, and that's fucking amazing!!!

NOTES DO NOT EQUAL TALENT!!!!

COMMENTS DO NOT EQUAL TALENT!!!

REBLOGS DO NOT EQUAL TALENT!!!

i've seen fics on here that are not ones i enjoy, i don't click with the writing, the prose, what have you, but the note count will still be high. the interactions amazing and i think: damn am i the problem? and no i'm not. people like what they like. just because i thought the story was meh does not mean every one does. just as the four mutuals who read my stuff and interact with it NOT interacting with certain stories of mine because it's not their cup of tea, does not make them bad or mean i wrote something bad.

every pot has a lid and sometimes you ain't that lid. it's a tough reality you gotta face sometimes, BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A BAD WRITER OR ANYONE IS BETTER THAN YOU ON HERE.

do not compare yourself to ANYONE on here. we ain't stephen king. idc if this other author has 5k notes on each fic, has turned one of them into a published story: NO ONE IS BETTER THAN ANYONE ON HERE. do not compare your talent and story telling to anyone else's because it's only going to make YOU miserable. why be miserable when you can be writing stories YOU love? for YOUR friends, followers, mutuals, FOR YOURSELF. life is too short to keep that negative mindset. so ignore it (harsh but you gotta if you wanna create bby).

there is no easy or simple way to get notes or interaction. i can post in fandom A and get a lot of traction, but if i post in fandom B i get barely 100 notes. there's new people who gain traction so easily, there's accounts who constantly have interaction but then they write for a different fandom and that traction goes away. it's literally a yoyo effect on here, you never know if somethings going to be up or down, if this will work or if people won't be interested in the way you wish, hope. we can't fix that. hate to say it but we can't. it's the reality of being on this site.

it's something you gotta know does not = your talent. does not determine your talent.

people who say 'write for yourself' mean well, and yes i do think at the end of the day no matter what you're writing it is self indulgent; we post for people to see. if we didn't want people to see our writing we would leave it in the drafts or get a diary. our work is NOT just for ourselves. we want others to enjoy these little headcanons and prose and what we made. and that's beautiful, amazing, the best thing about creating. and it feels like crap when we get 2-100 notes at most. but it doesn't mean what you're writing is bad. that you have no talent.

and as hard as it is you gotta keep writing, babes. don't let anything stop you from doing what makes you happy, from your passion and creating. it's so so fucking hard. but you gotta find the joy somewhere in it or you'll only feel negative feelings when it comes to writing.

so ignore the notes, ignore the ghost readers, ignore the popular accounts who act like it's all sooooo easy, hell ignore the paragraph where i talked about people liking this that who they whatever!!! remember why you started writing in the first place. make friends, mutuals, people who understand this feeling. support each other. talk it through with them. scream into a damn pillow if you need to. but don't let anything take away this blessing of being able to create, to write and share your stories.

there will be good and bad days on here, there will be writers who annoy you and make you feel like shit. but there's also good on here. good people. good stories that YOU are helping to create. curate a safe space for you to write and feel amazing about it <3

some more advice after ranting:

block anyone who makes you feel bad/jealous/any negative way about your own writing. if they get butt hurt over it that's on them. it's not personal, you're protecting your own mental health, love.

read every. single. story. you've ever written that, while writing it, made you feel proud or reminded you 'oh yeah this is why i like writing'

make friends!! this can be hard but trust me you'll find your people, and if you haven't yet hi i'll be one of your people!!! <3

make a playlist that boosts your creativity and listen to it while writing or to get yourself in the mood for writing. happy, sappy songs that make you smile and cheer and swoon when you think about writing scenes to them.

rejection is a part of writing, even fanfic, and you gotta accept and ignore it. be like 'oh ok' and move on to the next thing or you'll be in the same spot and it'll take longer to get out of it.

can't write? feeling like shit over it? watch a favorite movie, ya know the one that has you kicking your feet and twirling your hair or makes you laugh until you cry, or cry like a baby because it's so emotional: WATCH IT!!!

writing in the bathtub feels amazing. try it. that is all.

you could be the next stephen king but you're not right now so stop putting so much pressure on yourself to BE something. just write what makes you giddy and happy and smile or clutch them pearls because it's filthy as hell.

dance! put on some playlist and just move your damn body. literally make yourself sweat and gasp for air, you'll release endorphins AND your brain will be too distracted to make you think of negative stuff. or workout if you like that kinda thing lol.

go for a walk, write somewhere new, by yourself a yummy little beverage because you deserve it <3

read physical books. please please pleaseeeee don't JUST read fanfic. not to say it's bad to only read it. but consuming published literature actually helps in growing your trade and it's an amazing habit to get into to help combat a lot of mental health issues (personally for me at least).

selfcare days work better than you think. eat junk food (unless that makes you feel worse then stay away from triggering foods), watch comfort shows, face mask it up, paint your nails, draw, color, knit, reorganize your room, whatever gives you joy do it for a whole day. don't talk to anyone. just be with yourself and remind yourself that yeah life doesn't always suck. or if you hate doing stuff alone call a friend and have a selfcare day together (or in person).

read the struggles from published authors. look up how they got through the self doubt. know that you're not alone.

you could also, with the previous point in mind, look up their writing routine and challenge yourself to do it for a couple days, a week, whatever. it'll be fun!

post the fic. close the app. do something else. don't look at the notes when replying to those who comment or rb. literally do not let your eyes look at that stupid irrelevant number. or hell, even post and then forget about it and move on to the next thing. queue reminder reblogs for your followers, but forget about the fic for a day or two and then reply to interactions. no interactions? sad, annoying, but let's write the next one love. let's keep that writing high going!!! maybe the next one will be the one everyone goes gaga for, or maybe it won't, but hey we are literally growing with our writing and creating and those who do enjoy it are screaming from all these posts!!!

take breaks!!!! write for three days and then don't. or write for a week and then don't for a week. breaks = rest. rest = a fresher mind.

tumblr is nothing in the grand scheme of life bby, but the art you make and post and share and take your time to give yourself and whomever else see's it, IS EVERYTHING. notes don't pay the bills. they give us joy. but NEVER let them take away the joy or happiness. because it's NOT THE NOTES that keep you writing, creating. it's that little beautiful creative mind of yours <3

[carol-the-sith-lord]

Ok you cannot convince me that after this up and down season that Barcelona is interested in toone she's been like a fucking yoyo all fucking season