#been thinking about this a lot lately-- wanting to improve and make something awesome...

[applecoreart]

Counting notes, for me, is mostly just a nice gauge of what pieces are doing well, what resonates with people, but mostly I like to pretend that the pieces are competing with each other-- will one surpass another? Will anything dethrone #1? Personally, I’d like to make something new that totally shakes the rosters-- to constantly improve and do better.

Top original posts:

1). 2,506 notes - Feb 9 2020

2). 1,973 notes - Oct 29 2019

3). 1,559 notes - Jul 27 2019

4). 1,509 notes - Aug 8 2019

5). 1,501 notes - Jun 20 2019

[luveline]

hey jade!! i love kisses before dinner and was wondering (if you like the idea) maybe you could write something about avery realising how scary giving birth can be and starts worry about it before the new baby arrives? <3<3<3

thank you for your request! kisses before dinner —mom!you and dad!steve comfort avery when she has concerns for your health. fem!reader, 3k

cw discussed maternal mortality and death

Steve Harrington looks out over the kitchen table that night with a great sense of success. You're sitting at the other end with Dove on your knee, feeding her bites of macaroni cheese between feigned spoonfuls given to her rainbow teddy bear. Bethie sits to his left eating without complaint (a victory considering her pickiness). Avery sits to his right, trying to pour her own glass from the juice jug. It's awesome. 

Steve quickly swallows the drink he'd been sipping on and offers to help her, hand extended, "Here. I got it."

"I can do it," Avery insists, her long arms shaking under the weight. 

He doesn't mind her being independent, nor her improving capabilities, but the last thing he wants to do tonight is clean up a huge juice spill. Steve takes the juice gently and refills her plastic cup. 

"Dad," she whines. 

"Avery," he whines back. 

She huffs and grabs her fork, ignoring her fresh cup of juice to shovel in bites of broccoli and macaroni instead. 

"I think I'm done," Bethie says. Steve must have jinxed it. 

He attempts to do the impossible —convince Bethie to finish dinner. He takes up station by the side of her chair, having tried everything now, and only this works. 

"Beth," he says, putting his hand behind her back, "Are you sure there's no room left? I don't want you to be hungry again before we go to bed 'cos you won't tell me, will you?" 

"I'm full," she insists, reaching for her drink bottle. 

"Is there something wrong with it?" he asks, rubbing up and down her back.

"No, daddy, it's nice," she says. She isn't quite convincing, but she tries. 

Steve looks at her. She looks like Steve sometimes, like neither of you other times, but mostly he looks at her and he sees you. Your smile, your frown, Bethie's tell is the same as yours when she lies. Steve can read you both like a book. 

"Is it cold?" he asks, sticking his pinky finger in the corner of her macaroni. "A little. If I heat it back up for you, would that make it better?" 

"No, please," she says. 

He sighs. "Make you something else? Sandwiches?" 

"I'm not hungry, daddy." 

Steve plasters a smile over his worries and kisses her cheek. "Okie smokie. Well done, honey, you ate lots and lots. Let's try even more for breakfast, yeah?" 

"Yes!" she agrees, sliding off of her chair.

"Where are you going?" he asks. 

"Need to pee!" she yells, running to the stairs. She opens the baby gate (which she’s known how to do for too many years, way before supposed to know how to —thanks so much, Avery) and Steve listens to her sprint up the stairs with a wince. 

"Call me if you need help!" he yells after her. 

"Okay!" 

"You think that's why she didn't want to eat?" you ask, wiping the corners of Dove's mouth with her bib. 

Steve stands up and stretches his arms behind his head. "I don't know," he says, rolling his neck around in a circle. 

"Is it gross if I eat her leftovers?" you ask. 

"I'll make you another pot, if you want it," Steve offers, arms dropping down to his side. He's been trying to get back into shape lately. It's not working out. "You having cravings?" 

"I'm just hungry all the time," you say, your voice melding into a sing song as you finish wiping Dove's face. "All done! Good girl, Dovey! You're my good girl." You plaster her forehead with a layer of kisses before putting her down on the floor. She wobbles, hands on your thighs. "Okay? You want another drink?"

"Dotty Dolly," she says, taking your hand. "Please. Please, Dolly."

"Yeah, my love. I'm coming." You groan as you stand up, not quite pregnant enough to worry about popping soon but more than enough to feel exhaustion to the marrow. 

"Just me and you then," Steve says to Avery, tucking in chairs and piling plates at the table. 

"Me and you, sir," she agrees in a funny voice. 

"Still mad at me?" 

She remembers to glare at him. "Yes!" She takes another bite of macaroni. "Okay, no." 

"If you're not gonna chew with your mouth closed, put your hand over your mouth. I don't wanna see your chewed up dinner." Avery pokes her tongue out, laughing when Steve says, "Ewww." 

He sets the leftovers aside for you rather than waste Bethie's largely untouched pasta in the trash, stacking the dishes in the sink and wetting a cloth to wipe down the table. He cleans around Avery, squeezing her neck, shoulders and arms to make her squirm as he goes.

"You want seconds?" he asks, returning to the sink. 

"I want dessert." 

"Good idea. You know Mom's so pregnant all she does lately is wake me up for ice cream."

"She wakes you up?" Avery asks. 

"By accident trying to put her socks on at the end of the bed. Baby's getting too big now, she can't see her toes." 

"It's a good thing she has you, dad."

"Yeah, but you'd help mommy, wouldn't you? Help her put her shoes on if she couldn't reach?" 

Avery hops off of her chair and passes him her plate, completely clean of food. She grows like a bamboo shoot and eats like a rabid dog. He loves it. She's evidence that he's a good cook. 

"Thank you. What did you want for dessert?" he asks. 

"I have something to ask you." 

"Oh." Steve hates the sound of that, theorising that she wants a new something or other he'll have to say no to. He grabs her by the waist, wet hands and all, hoisting her up onto the counter by the dish rack. He puts a rag in her hands. "You dry and I'll answer." 

"It's a weird question," Avery warns.   

"Avery, you wouldn't believe how weird some of the questions I've asked are. Don't worry about it." 

He scrunches dirty water out of the dish sponge and squirts soap onto a dirty plate. The hot water burns his fingertips. Avery dries a plastic plate diligently, her question coming out slow as running wax. 

"Mom's gonna be okay, right?" she asks quietly. 

Steve fights to keep his eyebrows down. They bob anyways. "Okay from what?" 

"When she has the baby. She's not going to get hurt?" 

"Well, having a baby really hurts. But there's medicine for her to take, and I'll be there to hold her hand." 

"No," Avery says, frowning, "that's not…" 

"Sorry, Ave. Ask me again, try a different word." 

She puts the dried plate down to her left and picks another to dry. "Will mom die?" 

"No," he says. Doesn't miss a beat, though his pulse capers. He knows that childbirth is hard, that lots of things can go wrong, but if he truly thought you might die he wouldn't have asked for another baby. And even if he did think it were going to happen, it's not a thought Avery needs to have. "She won't die, I promise you. Where'd you get that idea, honey?" 

"Jordan's mom died having a baby." 

Steve nods and tries to recalibrate the conversation. He knew of Jordan's mom passing away, he made a couple of trays of food for Jordan's dad and put money in the collection plate for her memorial, but he didn't know Avery knew precisely how it happened. 

"Right, she did," he says gently. "And that's scary, huh?" 

"Why can't it happen to mommy if it happened to her?" Avery asks. 

Steve shuts off the water. Hand still wet, he rubs his forehead roughly. "Can I have that?" he asks Avery, gesturing for the dish cloth. She gives it to him, putting down her last plate, and Steve wipes his fingers dry to pick her up without getting her wet a second time. 

"Let's have a talk," he says, tilting his head to the side. He sees his eyes looking back at him, smaller and softer, longer lashes but the same honeyed brown. "Me, you, and mommy. Okay?" 

"Dad," she says, startled. 

"It's okay, It'll be better if you talk to mom, too, because it's mom that's already had babies, not me. I think I know everything because my brain is so big and stuff, but I can't tell you what your mom is thinking." 

"I don't want mommy to get upset," she says. 

It's partially his fault for asking her to tell him if there's a problem rather than you a few weeks ago. He didn't want you walking up and down the stairs unnecessarily, and your blood pressure is something they've been keeping an eye on. He didn't mean for Avery to bottle things up. Every time Steve thinks he's doing something right it finds a way to bite him in the ass. 

"I meant if Bethie's turned the faucet on and flooded the bathroom, or if you want to change your bed or something, not that you can't ask her things that are worrying you," he says, readjusting her weight. Her knees dig into his sides as he carries her to the living room doorway from the kitchen. 

"Hey, mom?" he asks. 

Your head jumps up. You're sitting on the edge of the couch with Dove's face in your knee, a dribble patch dampening your pants. Bethie has her hand in yours sitting next to you. You're still in your work clothes, your bump straining against everything now, but yet to drop. He'll have to wash your pants tonight. 

"Hey?" you say, a guilty smile tugging up your pretty mouth. "I'm coming to do the dishes, I swear. My girls caught me in their net." 

"Can we talk to you? For a minute," Steve says. 

Your eyes widen. You stand up with a funny noise like someone's stepped on your toes, lifting Dove by the armpits to sit next to Bethie. You kiss the girls goodbye and they're too distracted by Dotty Dolly playing on the TV to mind. 

"What's wrong?" you ask, following Steve back into the kitchen. 

"Want me to explain?" Steve asks Avery. She nods. "Avery's a little worried about you." 

"About me?" You put your hands under your face and beam at her. "What's worrying you? I've never been better." 

"She's worried about when you have the baby." 

"'Cos of Jordan's mom," Avery whispers. 

You hear it despite her small voice, your smile sobering. "I see… I see. You know… you're a big girl, Avery. You're my big girl, and I wish I could keep you this young forever sometimes, but I know that you know that people don't get to stay with us forever, so I don't want to scare you, but I'll tell you what I think, yeah?" 

Avery swallows around nothing. 

Steve gives her back a sympathetic pat. "It's okay," he says to her, enthusing his voice with some pep to calm her down. 

"Jordan's mommy was sick when she passed away," you say, your hand resting on your bump now, inching closer to Steve and Avery where they've paused under the kitchen light. "She knew things were going to be hard. When you have a baby, you know things won't be easy, but it's not fair. It's very sad. She," —you look at Steve with a parent familiar fear that says, Am I saying the right things?— "said goodbye before anyone wanted her too, but Avery." Steve knows what you're going to say. It's a promise he made only minutes ago, one that you have no control over keeping, but a necessary one nonetheless to make. You could very well have complications down the line, things could spin out of control, but Avery doesn't need the stress of that hanging over her. "I promise you here and now that I'm not going anywhere. Daddy won't let me." 

He laughs a little breathlessly. "Damn straight." 

"But daddy isn't a doctor," Avery says, holding out her arm. 

You walk into Avery's reach, letting her climb from Steve's arms to yours without complaint. "He didn't have time to be a doctor, he was too busy being the best dad ever." 

"Are you flirting with me?" Steve asks. 

"Duh, Stevie." You turn your attention to Avery, struggling to hold her and stroke a hair from her face. "Don't worry about me. Promise me you won't, Ave." 

"I just don't want you to go away," Avery says with a frown. 

Steve feels an unexpected heat behind his eyes. You smile softly, your thumb on Avery's cheek. "Then I won't. I'll stay. I can't go anywhere without you, gorgeous." 

Steve strokes the back of Avery's head. "And I can't be without either of you, so mom doesn't have a choice." 

He wishes things were that simple. Steve has no idea what the future holds, but he chooses to believe it'll be a good one, where every one of his girls gets to grow old. But the future isn't something he can predict nor change by wishing alone. 

"Did that make much sense to you, sweetheart?" you ask Avery.

"It makes sense. Sorry." 

You and Steve make twin sounds of loving disbelief. 

"Sorry for what?" you ask, as Steve says, "No, God, don't be sorry!" 

"It's okay to ask me stuff," you say.

"That's what we're here for." 

Avery wraps her arms around your neck. "Are you sure you'll be okay?" she whispers, near imperceptibly, Steve's ears straining to hear her under the sounds of the water heater and the television. 

"I'm sure. I've done it three times already."

"Are you scared?" 

You shake your head resolutely. "No. You know why?" 

"Why?" 

"'Cos I know, at the end of it I might get another little girl who's just like you. Or like Beth, or Dove. Maybe I'll get one who's nothing like any of you, but I know with such a great big sister she's going to be amazing." 

Avery rests her cheek on your shoulder. "You think so?" 

"I know so." 

"Thank you," she says. 

You laugh again. "For what?" you ask, nails raking up and down the length of her back. "Only telling you what's true. Me and daddy think you're the bestest." 

Steve rubs his face with both hands rather than cry. Crying makes his eyes sore and he has to wake up at six AM tomorrow to take the girls to swimming lessons at seven thirty. (He also doesn't want Avery to see him crying and get the wrong idea, what with the previous conversation.) 

"Mom?" Bethie asks in the doorway. 

"Yes?" you murmur, resting your head atop Avery's gently. 

"Excuse me." 

You laugh a charmed laugh and scoot out of the way, resting your weight on the door jam. Bethie looks incredibly small idling at his feet, even though Dove is much smaller. She smiles nervously. 

"Daddy?" 

"Yes?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest. He pretends to be nonchalant, while inside he's thinking about lots of things. Avery's huge heart and all her worries. Bethie's emerging cheekiness after years of quiet. Dove's roaring giggle when you squeeze her just right. And you, your bump, your devotion to him and the girls, but more than that —your voice and how you talk with all the good you possess. How you're talking now to Avery in dulcet tones. 

Bethie takes his hand. "Can I have the rest of my mac and cheese, please?" 

"Yeah, babe. Unless you want dessert instead?" 

His hand sways in her grip. "I want mac and cheese if that's okay." 

Steve picks her up with a typical dad groan. He'll check on Dove first, but he has no qualms with warming her mac and cheese. He'd offer to make you another helping if you weren't distracted entirely, nose bridge nuzzling into Avery's neck. 

He doesn't know what the future holds, but he hopes for more of this. 

[mackenzielovee]

parenthood part twenty three: forever & always, and then some

a/n: oh boy! 12k words to (hopefully) feed your parenthood craving. i am already dying to know what you all think of this, so please don't hesitate to hop into the comments or my ask box to talk! hope you enjoy! reblogs are appreciated :)

warnings: angst warning. swearing, verbal arguments, anxiety, panic attack, crying, kissing

ambivalence masterlist , parenthood masterlist

     The Island Club hasn’t changed one bit since you were employed here and running drinks around to Rafe and his friends before you knew he even had a crush on you. As you watch the waitresses make their rounds to the same customers, serving the same food to the same tables, you chuckle to yourself at the thought of ever having to deal with that again. 

Scott sits across from you, fidgeting in his seat slightly as he holds himself back from pulling a cigarette from his pocket. You skim over him, taking in his appearance. 

His hair is freshly cut and the rosiness is back in his cheeks after having disappeared for so long. He’s eating three meals a day again, and to you, it seems his only unhealthy habit is smoking. In time, you’re sure he will move past that. 

“How’re the kids?” he asks, looking up at you. 

“They’re good,” you reply, “They’re busy bees lately. Connor is starting on a soccer team, so Rafe’s been helping him practice.”

“That’s awesome,” Scott grins, and the sight makes you smile, “Kid always has had one hell of a kick. What about Josie girl?”

You chuckle, “She’s all about dance, recently. She wants me to sign her up for a class, and I’ve been trying to get this teacher to call me back about getting her in.”

“Wow. Good for her. She’s so driven, Y/N. They both are.”

“Yeah, they’re something,” you laugh. 

He gives you a smile, but it fades fast before he asks, “And, Rafe?” 

“He’s doing really well. He’s less stressed at work, and he’s spending a lot of time with the kids.”

Scott nods, “Is he still… y’know? Pissed at me?”

You sigh and look down at your lap, unwilling to respond right away. Rafe’s feelings toward Scott have been complicated ever since he showed up to the house and scared the shit out of you and the kids, even though you’ve worked through it and have encouraged Rafe to do the same. Your loyalty to your brother runs deeper than Rafe’s does — because, as he puts it, he will always choose the safety and security of his family. Especially his children. 

“He’s not pissed, Scott,” you say carefully. 

“Right, he’s just done with me,” he laughs dryly, “Look, it’s fine, Y/N. I get it.”

You nod, and when your waiter drops your plates in front of you, you’re relieved when Scott eats his meal and has several glasses of water. 

He tells you about the new job he just started and how he’s finally, officially, cut ties with Mae after she’s yanked him around for over a year. How he’s attending regular AA meetings and actually participating in them. He’s even made a few friends in the group, and they go out to eat together after their meetings to keep themselves busy. 

By the time he pays for your lunch and walks you out to your car, you can’t help but pull him into a tight embrace. He hugs you back and gives you a wide smile, silently telling you that he really is doing better. 

“So, listen, I was kinda hoping I could see them soon,” he says, clarifying, “The kids.”

You know you should run it by Rafe first, but the look in Scott’s eye and the pride swelling in your heart at his improvement has you answering faster than you should. 

“That would be great,” you nod. 

He smiles, “Perfect. How about Wednesday afternoon? I don’t have to be at work ‘til six. Do they have sports or anything?”

You hold up a finger and check the calendar on your phone, finding nothing for yourself or either of the kids on Wednesday after they get home from school. 

“Wednesday works,” you reply, “I’ll bring them to your apartment.”

“Awesome,” he beams, then pulls you in for another hug, “Thank you so much, Y/N. I can’t wait.”

“The kids will be very excited,” you tell him, squeezing him tight. 

He laughs lightly, sounding like himself and making you relax even more. He’s finally in a better place, and you couldn’t be happier about it. 

Scott opens your car door for you and then closes it once you’re inside. He stands there and watches as you back out, then offers you a wave before you drive away. You smile the whole way home, thankful beyond belief that your brother is doing right by himself and improving his life where he needs it. 

     When you get home, Rafe is in the kitchen. You smile at the sight of him at the stove, stirring peppers around a skillet and listening to music. You can hear the kids playing in the playroom, and when Rafe notices you come in, he steps away from the food and to you. 

“Hey, baby, how was lunch?” he asks, helping you remove your jacket. 

“It was good,” you say with a smile, “Club hasn’t changed a bit.”

“Nah, I figured as much.”

He hangs up your jacket and your purse for you, then steps back over and guides his arm around your waist. You smile and set your hands on his chest, feeling his warmth. 

“How are the kids?” you ask him. 

“Josie hid Connor’s firetruck underneath the couch, and Bo got it,” he fills you in, watching your eyes pop in horror, “He was very distraught.”

“Oh, no, poor baby,” you pout, “I’ll see if I can find another one for him tomorrow.”

Rafe grins, “You’re so good to them, they don’t even know it.”

You laugh and grab ahold of his chin lightly, pulling him down to give him a kiss. He accepts it, then offers you a small apology as he momentarily breaks away to pull the skillet off the heat and to the back burner. 

When he moves back to you, assuming the same position, you swallow your nervousness of breaching the topic, and instead, slip your hands under his shirt. 

“So, listen,” you start, “Scott got a job. He’s working nights right now, and he goes after his AA meetings. He seems really, really good.”

He nods patiently, but you can tell by his eyes that he’s not receptive whatsoever to where you’re going to take this conversation. 

“That’s good,” he replies, his voice even. 

“Yeah, it is,” you say hopefully, rising up on your tiptoes, “So, anyway, he was asking if he could see the kids on Wednesday before he has to work.”

Rafe raises a brow, “And what did you tell him?”

You swallow again and press your palms into his skin, hoping your touch will lighten him up.

“Well, I… I think it’s a good idea. It would be good for him, and the kids miss him.”

Rafe’s chest deflates against your hands, and only because you know him so well can you predict what he’s going to say next. 

“Look, sweetheart, I’m thrilled that Scott is doing better. I am. I just don’t think this is the best time for that. Josie’s still adjusting to school, and Connor’s getting settled in a new classroom and he’s on a sports team. I feel like they have enough change going on right now, you know?”

You nod slowly, but look to the floor. He covers your hands with his own and takes them, bringing both of your knuckles up to his lips to kiss. You meet his eyes then, and you both take a second to analyze the other person’s expression. 

“It’s not really a change, though,” you push, keeping your voice light, “It’s just Scott.”

“Y/N, Scott scared the shit out of both of them when he showed up drunk.”

“I know, but he apologized for that,” you reply. 

Rafe drops your hands, “That doesn’t make it okay. To be honest, I’m just not comfortable with it. I need more time to work through things with him. I’m sorry, but can we please table this for now?”

You move to speak up, but bite your tongue at the very last second when one specific thought hits you. If you told Rafe you weren’t comfortable with something, he’d never fight with you on it. He would never pressure you into anything, and the thought of doing that to him makes your stomach turn. 

“Yes, of course,” you answer, “Thank you for being straight with me. We can talk about it when you’re ready.”

Rafe shifts and sets one large palm on your hip bone, where he pulls your body closer to his. 

“I’m not saying no, sweetheart. I’m just saying that I’d like to give it a little more time and make sure Scott really sticks to this change before we bring the kids back into it. That’s all.”

You nod and offer him a smile, “I understand, Rafe. I think that’s perfectly reasonable.”

“Thank you,” he says sweetly, “Now, Connor and I are making a grocery store run. Need anything?”

You step closer, “Coffee. And laundry pods for the washer. But not the blue and white ones—”

“The green and yellow ones, I know,” he teases, “I also put a stick of deodorant on the list for you, considering you went to throw it in the garbage this morning and fuckin’ banked the shot.”

“Excuse me,” you scoff, even though your heart swells at the fact that he not only noticed that, but also remembered it and put it on the list, “We need more bananas, too. You know what Josie’s like when we run out of those for her lunch.”

He laughs, “Yeah. Okay. Bananas, coffee, and laundry pods. I’ve got the rest of the list, but text me if you remember anything okay?”

“Okay,” you smile, “Thanks, handsome.”

He nods and signals for a kiss, grinning when you stand up on your tiptoes to give to him. When you pull back, he yells for Connor, knowing Josie will come running, too. 

“Oh, hey, did that lady ever call you back about Josie’s dance class?” he asks. 

“No,” you groan, “I’m hoping she will in the next few days. Otherwise, I’ll look somewhere else. I just heard that place is so good, I really wanted her to try it out.”

He shrugs, “She’ll be great anywhere. Come on, Connor! Shoes and jacket, hurry!”

He kisses you again quickly before he pulls away to get his own shoes and jacket, finishing in record time so he could steal just a few more kisses before the Sunday chores officially start. 

     Monday comes before you know it, and it brings a wave of destruction. Your meetings all get delayed, your work project is put on suspension, and Rose is driving you crazy about an upcoming event that you’re not even technically assigned to. 

Even more than that, Josie had a day. She refused to let go of you when you dropped her off at preschool, and after you managed to escape, they called you twice and Rafe once to report that she would not stop crying and demanding one of you to come get her. Being the parent at home on Mondays, Rafe picked her up, and she sat with him in his home office for the remainder of the day. 

     Tuesday morning finds you easier. You’re seated at your desk and fire up your work email after dropping both kids off at school — Josie did better today — when you realize that you never told Scott that the plans for tomorrow are off. 

You draft up a text message slowly over the next few hours, trying to sound equal parts assertive and sympathetic. At one o’clock, right before you send the text, your drafting is interrupted by a phone call. The nurse at Connor’s school tells you that he’s been running a fever and complaining of a stuffy nose and sore throat since before lunch. You sigh and agree to be right there to get him, then hit send on the text to Scott without thinking twice about it. 

     You return home with both Connor and Josie behind you. Well, Josie walks behind you while Connor lays in your arms, mumbling softly about how he feels cold despite his fever being high. Josie helps you the best she can to get Connor settled in his room, where you lay him in bed and put a light blanket over him, then get him a cup of water and take his temperature once more. It’s still high, so you give him a kiss and tell him to sleep for a bit before you come back up to check on him. 

“Is Connor okay, Mommy? Can we make him some soup?” Josie asks as the two of you slip out of his bedroom. 

You smile and pick her up, giving her a hug since you didn’t get to when you picked her up from school. 

“We should make him some soup,” you agree, “And, I’m sure you’re ready for your after-school snack, too.”

She grins mischievously, “Maybe.”

You laugh and carry her downstairs to the kitchen, where your phone sits on the counter. The screen fills with unanswered texts, so you set Josie down and grab it, scrolling through the messages. 

The first one you open is Rafe’s chain. Two from him — both exactly what you expected them to be. 

Just got a notification you checked Connor out of school? Is everything okay? 

I’ve got a meeting in half an hour but I can come home after if you need me. 

You look over at Josie, watching as she uses the handle on the bottom oven as a balance beam for ballet. Your heart squeezes, and you make a mental note to reach out to other dance studios in the area tomorrow. 

Quickly, you text Rafe back while stepping over to the pantry to get Josie a snack. 

He’s sick, but okay. Slight fever and head cold. Nothing to worry about. Good luck on your meeting, handsome. I love you. 

He returns the sentiment quickly, while also reminding you to call him if things change. Then, as you pour animal crackers into a bowl, you switch over to Scott’s text chain. 

First, you reread the text you sent to him. 

Hey, so I discussed things with Rafe, and we have decided to hold off on allowing the kids to come over. For now. We think it’s best to give you some more adjustment time, and then we can revisit the idea. I’m sorry, Scott. But, I will try to do better by sending you more pics of them. Just hang in there. Love you. 

You know it’s not perfect, but it has to do. It gets your point across, it doesn’t blame Rafe, and it’s sugar coated just enough for him. 

His reply follows your message, and the length looks drastically different. 

Y/N, I’m adjusted. I just want to see them. Didn’t you tell Rafe I’m doing better? Why is he keeping them from me?

“Mommy!” Josie calls, standing at the kitchen window, “There’s a red bird on the fence!” 

You frown at Scott’s text but lock your phone, then carry Josie’s snack over to her. You look out the window to where she’s pointing and find the cardinal that’s holding her attention so well. 

“Wow, beautiful, huh?” you ask, and she nods before you say, “Okay, come on. Let’s sit at the table and have a snack.”

She obeys and sits in her usual seat at the table, smiling widely when you follow her. You sit with her while she eats and talk to her about her day at school, listening intently even as she tells you the same story for ten entire minutes. 

You perk up when you hear the front door close. You know Rafe wouldn’t be coming into the house with his meeting coming up, and a fresh wave of worry passes through your body. 

“Y/N?”

You relax when you hear Scott’s voice, but only for a second. He knows he’s not allowed to come to the house; you had talked Rafe out of taking Scott’s key from him after his latest episode. 

Josie, like you, recognises the voice, and practically tips her chair right over as she attempts to get up. 

“Uncle Scott!” 

Her scream is loud, and she takes off from the kitchen before you can stop her. You groan internally, scrambling to already try and figure out what you’re going to say to Rafe. Despite it all, you follow Josie out of the kitchen and to the foyer, where she is currently diving into Scott’s open arms. 

“Hey, lovebug,” he grins widely, “Wasn’t sure you’d be home from school yet. I’m so happy to see you!”

She locks herself around his neck and presses kiss after kiss to his cheek, laughing when he laughs. 

“I’ve missed you,” she tells him, “Where have you been?”

He smiles sadly, then returns her kisses with his own, “I’ve been getting myself together. For you and Connor. Are you proud of me?”

“Yes,” she giggles, “Want to have an after school snack with me?”

His smile at her question tells you just how much the question means to him, and when he looks over at you for approval, you just can’t say no. Not to Scott; not to your baby brother who has struggled so much for so long, and just needs a little bit of love to keep him going. You can’t fault him for that, and no part of you is able to even consider kicking him out. Even if it’s not what you and Rafe have discussed and agreed on, you hope that when you explain, he will understand. 

You nod your head, and he turns and kisses her cheek again, like he just can’t help himself. 

“I would love to,” he agrees. 

Scott carries her into the kitchen and you follow. He sets her down and lets her run over to her chair, but he hangs back just long enough to talk to you. 

“I’m sorry, I just came over to talk about your text. I didn’t think she’d be here—”

“It’s fine,” you reply, waving him off, “Connor’s home sick from school, so I picked her up because I can’t leave him to go get her later.”

He nods, “Do you need me to bring you anything for him? Soup? Gatorade?”

“No, I have it covered,” you reply, “Go. She’s waiting so patiently for you.”

He chuckles when he sees her sitting on her knees in the chair, waving him over with an animal cracker half shoved into her mouth. Without hesitation, he rushes over and takes a seat beside her, stealing one of her animal crackers and laughing when she protests. 

You puff out your cheeks and check the time, wondering if you can squeeze in a quick call to Rafe before his meeting. When you decide you can’t, you set your phone back down. You’re here, you’re supervising, and he won’t be mad, you tell yourself. Scott can’t do anything wrong with you here, too. 

Your phone’s sharp ring draws you out of your head. When you look to see who’s calling, you gasp and practically pounce on the phone — the dance school that you’ve been trying to get Josie into. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mrs. Cameron?”

“Yes,” you reply. 

“Hi there. My name is Chelsea, I’m calling to see if you are still interested in signing your daughter, Josephine, up for dance class?”

“Yes,” you say enthusiastically, waving to Scott and then holding up your finger as you step into the living room, “Yes, I am. She’s really excited to start.”

“Oh, wonderful. We actually have an opening today in our three o’clock class. It’s only one spot, but if you could bring her by today, I can almost guarantee it would be hers.”

You freeze, “Today?”

“Yes ma’am. Spots here tend to go fast, but I saw your last name, and we wanted to offer you and your daughter the spot, first.”

“Oh,” you say, brain running a mile a minute as you try to figure out how to make this all work out, “Um, yes, thank you, we’d love the spot. I just have a few things to work out, but I will do my best to get her there by three o’clock. Does she need to bring anything?”

“We’ll just do a trial run for today, so we have everything she will need here. If you all are interested in continuing after today, we can give you a list of everything she will need for future classes.”

You barely even hear her words, too busy trying to figure out how you’re supposed to be in two places at once. You want Josie to be in this dance school desperately, but with Connor being so sick, you don’t know how to make it happen. 

“Thank you, I’ll try to work it out and have her there at three,” you say, trying to sound more chipper than you are, “Thank you so much for calling.”

“Yes ma’am. See you soon!”

You disconnect the call and let out a long sigh, having wanted that phone call to come at a better time than just now. You wander back into the kitchen and find Scott and Josie still giggling at the kitchen table, and when they both look over at you, you offer a smile. 

“Who was that?” Scott asks. 

You give Josie a smile, “It was the dance studio I’ve been trying to get Josie into. They have an opening for this afternoon.”

“No way!” she exclaims, “Mommy, we have to go!”

Scott can see it on your face before you can even say a word. He watches as you subconsciously glance back over your shoulder, desperate to check on Connor and not sure what to do. Under normal circumstances, you’d call Rafe — at least to just talk it out. But with him in a meeting and unavailable, you don’t have that option. 

“I can take her,” Scott volunteers, “I know you won’t leave Connor, so let me take her to dance. Just there and back, I promise.”

“Yes!” Josie screams, “Yes, yes, yes, yes, Mommy, yes!”

You shake your head, “Scott—”

“Y/N, let me help you out,” he says, “Come on. I can do it.”

“Mommy,” Josie repeats, “I want Uncle Scott to take me to dance.”

“Scott,” you whisper, “You’re not even supposed to be here.”

“And you’re drowning,” he points out, “I swear. I can totally handle it. I’ll even video the whole thing for you. Please, come on, let me prove myself to you. To Rafe.”

At the mention of your husband, your eyes find your phone. You want to call him more than anything, but you can’t. Then, you think about the agreement amongst parents when they’re raising children together. There are so many split second decisions that a parent has to make, so they trust that their partner will make the right one. Rafe trusts that you will make the right decision for your shared children, and right now, you can only see one. 

“Okay,” you sigh. Josie’s squeals interrupt you and Scott grins, grabbing her from her chair as you add, “Just there and back. No ice cream, no playground. Just to the studio and back, alright?”

“Alright,” Scott repeats back, still smiling, “We’re gonna have so much fun, right, lovebug?”

“Right!” she squeals.

“Josie, go get your shoes, okay?” you say, watching her nod feverishly, like she just can’t wait for Scott to put her down so they can go to dance. 

“Okay!” she says quickly, rushing off. 

Scott laughs as he watches her go, and when he turns back to you, his expression falls. 

“I need you to take extensive notes,” you say sternly, watching his smile grow once more. 

“You got it,” he replies. 

You allow yourself to smile, too, and he pulls you into a hug. He squeezes his thankfulness into you, and only pulls away when Josie returns with her shoes. 

     You hurry upstairs to check on Connor after putting Josie in her car seat and into Scott’s truck. As you feel Connor’s forehead, he stirs and groans, but he still feels very warm. 

“Mama?” he whispers into the air. 

“Hey, baby,” you reply, “How do you feel?”

“Not good,” he whines, “I’m cold. And I need a tissue.”

You grab the box from his nightstand and offer him one, then help him sit up. He blows his nose and hands the tissue back to you, then lays back down. 

“Go back to sleep. I’ll bring you some more medicine in a little bit, okay?” 

He nods. His lower lip juts out in the pout he always gives you when he’s sick, so you lean down and kiss his forehead before you stand. You retuck his blanket around him, then use careful steps to escape the dark room. 

Downstairs, you hurry into the kitchen and start heating up from soup for Connor, then pour out the next dose of his medicine. You make him a nice tray of everything so he can eat in bed; complete with crackers, a water bottle, and his iPad so he can watch a show while he eats. Just as you’re putting the finishing touches on it, ready to take it upstairs and check on him again, your phone buzzes on the counter. And buzzes. And buzzes. 

Scott’s contact picture lights up your screen, and you furrow your brows as you check the time. They should just be getting to the dance studio, and you wonder if someone had questions for him that he couldn’t answer. 

“Hello?” you say innocently. 

“Y/N,” he sighs, almost in relief, but his voice also holds another emotion, too, “Listen, don’t freak out.”

You freeze, “What? Why?”

The worst possible scenarios go through your brain instantly, and you begin to listen for signs of Josie in the background. Her laugh, her whine at Scott to hurry up. 

“Just let me get it all out, first,” he demands, then groans in pain, “Fuck, okay, we got into an accident. Josie is fine. Not hurt at all. I think I broke my arm, so I’m in an ambulance. They’re taking both of us to the hospital, but she’s right here, she’s good, she’s with me.”

You suddenly can’t suck in a deep breath. All you can picture is Josie in the back of an ambulance, hurt. Josie in a car accident. Josie being scared because she doesn’t understand what’s happening. 

Tears blur your vision just at the thought of her being alone, and the inhale that you try to suck in is sharp and quick. 

“Let me speak to her,” you choke out. 

Scott sighs but complies with your request, and you listen to their muffled voices before you get clarity. 

“Mommy, Uncle Scott is hurt,” she tells you, and just the sound of her voice brings relief to your body, mind, and heart. 

“Josie, baby, are you okay?” you ask her, letting the tears run without a care in the world. 

“Yes, Mommy. They let me put the siren on.”

You laugh, then cry again, “Oh, that’s awesome. Listen, Mommy’s gonna come pick you up, okay? Can you just stay with Uncle Scott for a little bit?”

Josie immediately whines, “No, he’s hurt. I have to stay with him. I told Daddy I am staying.”

A fresh wave of anxiety runs through your body. The thought hadn’t even crossed your mind yet, but apparently, it had to Josie. 

“You told Daddy?” you ask weakly, “When?”

“I called him,” she answers, “I was scared, and wanted Daddy.”

“Oh,” your eyes flutter shut, “Okay, honey. Just stay with Uncle Scott until I see you. I love you so much, Jo.”

“Love you, too, Mommy,” she says, sounding perfectly fine, perfectly normal, and all you want to do is get to her. 

She hands the phone back to Scott, and you hear him grunt again in pain before his voice comes through the speaker. 

“”Y/N, I’m sorry,” he says quietly, “It wasn’t my fault, I swear, I did everything right—”

“I’m on my way,” you cut him off, not wanting to hear any of the details right now, “Just… I love you. I’m glad you’re okay other than the arm.”

He takes a minute to answer, and you can see the exact expression on his face as he debates what’s best to do right now. 

“Thanks,” he eventually says, “I love you, too.”

“See you soon,” you mumble, then disconnect the call before either one of you can say anything else. 

The first thing you do is check your text messages. Rafe has sent nothing, said nothing. When it comes to Rafe, you know silence from him is worse than anything else. You take a deep breath and attempt to type out a text to him, but delete it before you can find the words to explain to him any part of it. 

With a long sigh, you hurry up the stairs and into Connor’s room, forgetting all about his soup and medicine. He sits up when you enter, and when he sees the expression on your face, his eyes widen. 

“What’s wrong, Mama?” he asks, coughing after he finishes his question. 

“We have to go, baby. Can you come with me, please?” 

He nods and stands from his bed, bringing his blanket along with him. You put socks on his feet and slide his shoes on, then carry him down the stairs, wrapped in his blanket. Your mind can’t stop running wild as you picture Josie in Scott’s truck, scared out of her mind. You don’t even notice the tears that fall until Connor reaches up and brushes them away with his finger. Giving him a kiss on the forehead, you strap him into his car seat and pull back to look at his face. 

“I’m so sorry, handsome,” you whisper, “I know you don’t feel well, but we have to go pick up Josie.”

“Okay, Mama,” he replies, even going so far as to offer you a small smile. 

You’re grateful for it, and you show him such. With a kiss on the cheek, you close the car door and climb into the driver’s side, all while trying not to burst into tears again. 

Your knuckles turn white as you squeeze the steering wheel, glancing up at Connor every five seconds in the rear view mirror. He’s still okay, still staring out the window, but you’re paranoid about every single car that even comes close to yours. 

The drive to the hospital finally comes to an end, and you’ve barely parked your car before you’re out of it again. Connor is once again placed on your hip, and you rush in from the parking lot. 

Once you’re inside, you hurry to the closest nurse you can find. She directs you to a desk, who directs you to another nurse, who, finally, tells you what room number to go to. Connor buries his head in your neck and starts to cough again, and the guilt piles on top of your chest. 

You finally spot the room number on the wall and rush to it, just needing to lay eyes on her. To assess her for injuries and make sure that she really is okay. When you enter, you relax instantly. Scott is laying in the bed with his arm in a sling, and Josie is seated in the middle of his chest, giggling as he pokes her stomach. They both look so happy despite their current state and what they’ve been through in the past hour. 

“Josie,” you sigh in relief, setting Connor down in the singular chair before hurrying to her and pulling her into your arms. 

“Mommy,” she cheers, “Look, Uncle Scott got a boo-boo.”

You cradle her head and rock her in your arms, then glance at Scott. He’s giving you a sad smile and a wave using his bad arm, but you shake your head at him. 

“Is it broken?” you ask him. 

“Yeah,” he replies with a shrug, “I’ll get a cool brace for it, though.”

You roll your eyes, “Scott—”

“Y/N,” he stops you, his expression suddenly serious, “The guy ran a red light. I didn’t even see him coming until— Look, I’m so sorry. It wasn’t my fault.”

“I know,” you nod, and you mean it. 

He’s your brother, and you believe him. Especially because he needs you to so desperately, given that he won’t stop trying to explain himself. 

“Good. Now, I have to use the bathroom, then I want to see what’s going on with Little Cam. You don’t look so hot, dude.”

Connor shrugs, “Been better.”

Scott chuckles and stands from the hospital bed, taking two steps over to Connor. 

“You like my sling?” he asks. 

“Yeah,” Connor smiles, “Does it hurt?”

“No, I’m tough.”

Connor laughs and so does Josie, and for a brief moment, you feel emotionally stable. You feel at peace, knowing that everyone is okay. 

Then, the door pushes open, and reality slaps you right in the face. You turn too late, and Rafe’s eyes have already assessed the room. He’s frozen for a moment, long enough for you to set Josie down, because you know she’ll want to run to him. 

Instead of waiting on that, however, Rafe crosses the room in a few strides, and you figure out just a beat too late what’s going to happen. 

With a clenched jaw and a balled fist, Rafe states at Scott right as he starts to explain what happened. 

“Yo, Rafe—” he starts, but Rafe’s fist connects with his jaw and knocks him flat on the ground. 

“Oh, my God,” you yell, grabbing Josie and holding her against you while you reach for Connor’s hand. 

Your only focus is getting them both out of the room. You know Scott can fight his own battles, and there’s nothing you can do to talk to Rafe when he’s like this. Looking like he knows this, Scott remains on the ground, leaving Rafe with nothing. He’s dead silent as he turns and faces you and the kids, looking away from you within the same second your eyes meet. 

“Josephine,” Rafe says in relief, crossing over to you and pulling her from you without a word or a look, “Hey, princess. My girl. I was so worried about you. Are you okay?” 

She nods, “Yes, Daddy. I just got scared.”

“I know you did, baby. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to comfort you. Do you have any injuries?”

Josie doesn’t respond right away, and you take it as an opportunity. 

“She’s okay. I checked her when I got here.”

Rafe’s eyes flicker to you for only a moment. It’s the first time you’ve ever seen him look at you with anything besides pure admiration and love. This time, his glance is cold, calculated, and practically unrecognizable. 

“Let me take you home,” he says to her, “I’m gonna take you home, and nobody will ever take you anywhere again.”

“Except for you?” she asks. 

“Except for me,” he replies with a nod, “Let’s take Bubby home, too, okay?”

Your heart sinks as Rafe looks down at Connor, who is gripping his blanket tightly. When Rafe offers him a hand, Connor slips out of your grasp and takes it. 

You frown, “I can take—”

“Y/N, I’m so damn pissed right now. You need to stay with your brother, since that’s clearly where you want to be.”

He doesn’t even look at you as he says it, which is what makes the tears come. He’s too busy fussing over Josie’s hair and Connor’s runny nose. Rafe grabs him a tissue, then tosses it when Connor’s done. 

You look over at Scott and find him still seated on the floor, blood running down his chin from his nose, and he’s just staring at the kids. You’re sure he thinks this could be his final time seeing them in a long time, and you feel sick over that. 

“Rafe,” you choke out, “Please, just listen—”

“No,” he snaps, “Not to you. I’m taking them home.”

Connor whimpers, but when Rafe takes his hand again, he doesn’t object as his dad starts to lead him out of the room. Nobody says a word, and before you can blink, the three of them are gone. 

“Fuck,” Scott groans from the floor, “Y/N, I’m so—”

“Don’t,” you shake your head, turning back to him and observing his state before stepping over and offering him a hand, “Let’s just get you cleaned up.”

     Scott gets released from the hospital a few hours later, and you drive him back to his apartment. Neither of you speak about anything other than the weather and your parents, because neither of you know what to say. You want to pretend like everything is fine. At least for now. 

You set him up on his couch with dinner, snacks, and a blanket, then let him know that you love him no matter what. In return, he offers you his room if you need a place to crash, and you almost burst into tears right then and there. 

      By the time you make it home, you know the kids will already be in bed. You debate taking the long way, but the fact that Connor is sick draws you back to the house so you can check on him. 

You pull your car into the garage and shut it off, then get out quickly before you can debate sitting inside for a while. You sigh and push open the door to the house, not knowing exactly what you’re walking into with Rafe.

The house is dark and silent. There’s no plate of dinner sitting on the counter for you like he usually leaves behind, and no light on in the living room to guide your path to bed. With a heavy heart, you head upstairs and peek your head into Connor’s bedroom. He’s sound asleep with a box of tissues and an empty medicine cup on his nightstand. 

Of course Rafe took care of everything. 

Quietly, you close his bedroom door and cross the hall over to Josie’s bedroom. When you peek in, you find her bed to be empty, but her stuffed animals are missing. Immediately, you know where she is. 

You hesitate at the door to your shared bedroom with Rafe for a brief moment, then push open the door and walk inside. Rafe’s bedside lamp is on, which allows you to see him lying on his side of the bed on his side, with Josie facing him. She’s tucked in his arms and sleeping soundly, but Rafe is wide awake and watching every single breath she draws. 

He never looks over at you. For a moment, you wonder if he even realizes you came into the room. When your lips part to speak, no sound comes out. You don’t know what to say or where to start.

“She could’ve been killed,” Rafe says evenly, like he’s stating a fact rather than getting emotional. His eyes don’t leave her for even a split second. 

“Rafe—” you start, but he sits up carefully. 

“Don’t wake her. I just got her to sleep.”

You silence yourself and stare at the two of them for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. After a moment, Rafe leans forward and brushes his lips over Josie’s forehead, then stands from the bed. He walks over to you, watching as you stand completely still in hopes that he’ll just take you into his arms and tell you that everything will be okay. Instead, he clenches his jaw and points to the door of the bedroom, silently telling you to walk through it. 

Rafe follows out of the room behind you and closes the door softly. You walk out to the couch and sit down, watching his movements extra carefully. He’s in sweatpants and a black tee shirt that you’ve always loved on him, but never told him so. 

You watch as he takes a deep breath, then places his hands on his hips. He doesn’t sit; he stands in front of you and keeps his eyes on anything but you. 

“Why was she with your brother?” 

His tone is harsh; like nothing you say in this moment could make sense to him. None of it will make any difference at all. 

“Um,” you shift, your voice shaky, “She— no, okay, the dance studio called and— wait—”

“Y/N,” Rafe stops you, exhaling loudly, “I just want you to explain why she was with your brother.”

You nod, “Okay. Sorry. So, I texted Scott and told him that we weren’t comfortable having the kids see him right now. He came over here to talk to me in person, thinking the kids weren’t home, and Josie saw him. So, naturally, she wouldn’t let him go, and he was just gonna have a snack with her and then leave. But, then, that dance studio called and said they had a spot for Josie this afternoon, and the spot was going to be given away if we couldn’t make it. I didn’t want to leave Connor, and Scott offered, and— Rafe, I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head, hands still proudly glued to his hips. His eyes close under the explanation, and the way his jaw is set tells you that, although it might make sense to him, he still isn’t happy or satisfied with the explanation. 

“You should have called me,” he says quietly, “I would’ve helped you work it out. I would’ve come home.”

“You were in a meeting, I didn’t want to bother you—”

“Bother me, Y/N!” he exclaims, silencing you, “Bother me. Every time. If it means I don’t get the fucking call that one of my kids has been in a car accident with someone I didn’t even want them around in the first place. How could you let her go with Scott? After we discussed it and agreed that he was off limits, you just—”

“I didn’t see any other choice,” you speak up, “I didn’t want them to give the spot away.”

“Let them give the damn spot away, then!” he cries, shaking his head, “I told you, she’d be fine dancing anywhere, but you were so dead set on this one place, and that was fine with me until you shipped her off with your brother and he almost got our daughter killed—”

“Rafe, the accident wasn’t his fault,” you say, finally having the courage to stand, “He loves her. He would never put her at risk.”

He laughs then, and it’s deep, loud, sarcastic. Your eyes hit the floor and you swallow, wanting nothing more than his touch. Despite Rafe being the one causing the ache in your chest, you know he’s the only one who can fix it. He’s the only one who can ever fix it. 

“He did put her at risk, Y/N. Many times. Every time he showed up drunk, every time he stumbled down the stairs. It’s not a fucking coincidence that this happened when she was with him.”

You draw back, shaking your head, “That’s not fair. It could’ve happened to anyone. It could’ve been me—”

“Don’t,” he says immediately, stepping closer to you, “Don’t you dare go there. It wouldn’t have. It can’t.”

“Why not, Rafe?” you question, raising a brow, angry that he wants to blame everything on Scott when you don’t feel it’s his fault, “You’d blame Scott for everything if you could. If I had decided to take Josie to dance, it would’ve been me and the kids at that intersection—-”

“No!” he shouts, silencing you once again, “Stop it. It can’t happen again, Y/N. I almost lost you once, it cannot fucking happen again.”

Your lips glue shut as you realize what this is truly about for him. He runs a hand through his hair and sucks in a deep breath, letting the silence fall between the two of you. 

You know exactly how Rafe has internalized the accident you were in the night of Midsummers with Topper and Kelce. You know, because he’s told you. How he had nightmares for ages afterward, how he still will grip the steering wheel with two hands when he drives with you in the car at night. How he thinks about it every year at Midsummers, regardless of how much time has passed. 

Now, you can’t imagine what this will do to him. His Josie, his baby girl. Getting that call was not easy on him, you’re sure, and for a moment, you understand why he’s so angry with you for putting him in that situation. 

“Rafe,” you whisper, watching the way he looks up at you with vulnerability in his eyes, “I’m so, so sorry.”

He nods, like he really just needed to hear that. You take a step closer, but before you can reach for him, he steps back. 

“I need to sleep on it all. We can regroup in the morning.”

You swallow and nod, unsure of what to do with your hands. You settle for tucking them behind your back, squirming under his gaze. 

“I’ll sleep upstairs. In case Connor needs anything,” you say. 

“Alright,” he nods, looking at you like he’s considering something. 

“Alright,” you repeat. 

He sighs, like he’s annoyed with himself, then steps forward and cups your cheeks. He stares at you for a moment before placing a kiss on your forehead forcefully, then drops you from his grip completely. 

You step forward out of habit, wanting his touch back. Instead of reaching for him, you just stare, knowing that he can tell what you want but refuses to give it to you. 

“I love you, Rafe,” you whisper to him. 

Even as angry as he is, he doesn’t miss a beat, “I love you, too.”

He nods, then turns around and leaves you like that. In the middle of the living room with his kiss still lingering on your forehead, and his words sitting in front of you, etching themselves into your heart so you never forget them. 

     When you wake in the morning, your first thought is of Connor. You don’t allow yourself to think of anything else, because it weighed on you all night, until you just couldn’t take it anymore. You cried in the guest room bed. Buried your face in a pillow and sobbed as you relived the day, your choices, and what became of them. You cry for Josie, for Rafe, for Scott. You cry because all you’d wanted to do was make the right choice for all of them, and you wound up only making the wrong ones. 

So, when you wake up with swollen under eyes and a red nose, the only thing you allow yourself to think about is Connor. 

He’s asleep when you enter his room, and when you feel his forehead, he feels the same as he had last night. You make a mental note to bring up more medicine for him, then take his temperature. 

Slipping back out of his room, you head downstairs. Your stomach twists as you hear Rafe talking to Josie in the kitchen, and the thought of facing him without knowing exactly how he feels today makes you anxious. 

As you walk in, you find Josie sitting on the counter and Rafe at the stove, where he flips a pancake in the pan. Josie giggles at something he said, and Rafe laughs back. His eyes catch on you, and for a brief moment, he smiles. Then, he drops it and looks down. 

“Hi, Mommy!” Josie cheers, “Daddy’s staying home today! He said I could, too.”

“He did, huh?” you smile at her, walking around the island to embrace her. 

“Thought I could, considering we’re not consulting each other on decisions anymore,” Rafe mutters. 

For Josie’s sake, you ignore him, but you stare at him while you do it. In no way can you tell Rafe how to feel or act, but you’re shocked at how openly petty he’s being. 

“Rafe—”

He cuts you off when he spins around with a plate in his hand, then gives Josie a wide smile. 

“Alright, princess, your breakfast is ready. Go sit at the table for me.”

He carries Josie’s plate over as you help her down from the counter, then watch her take off to her seat. Once she’s settled, Rafe comes back into the kitchen, but he doesn’t spare you a single glance. 

“How’d you sleep?” you try, stepping closer. 

“I didn’t,” he replies as he pours more pancake batter into the pan, “She did. All night.”

You swallow, “Good. So, listen, I was hoping—”

“I’m taking her to my parents’ today. We’ll swim and visit with Topper and Ellie. I figure Connor needs quiet, anyway.”

“Oh, okay,” you nod weakly, “Do you think we could talk later, though?”

“I don’t know.”

You frown and look at the floor, then glance over at the coffee pot. What’s usually filled halfway for you is now empty, and you know the pancakes he’s making on the stove are for himself. It makes your heart ache, to think that he’s so angry with you that he no longer wants to take care of you. 

“Rafe, I just… I want to fix it,” you practically beg, “Please.”

He drops the spatula on the counter before he turns to you, keeping his voice low on account of Josie. 

“This isn’t just something you can fix, Y/N. You hurt me. You prioritize your brother over our kids and you always have. Every time he stumbles in drunk, you always tell him it’s okay. It’s not. This time, you let him take our daughter and they got into an accident. She could’ve gotten really hurt. I’m not okay with that, and I never will be. Until you can get your priorities straight, I’m not interested in what you have to say.”

You step back from him and swallow the lump in your throat. Instead of just rolling over, you want to explain your thought process — have an actual conversation instead of bickering over the stove.

“He’s sick, Rafe. He’s an alcoholic. Guilting him every time he comes to us like that isn’t going to help him,” you reply, trying to stay strong despite the tears stinging your eyes, “And, how dare you accuse me of not prioritizing our family.  This is my top priority— my only priority. I made a judgment call, and I was wrong, I admit it. If I could go back and change it, I would.”

He shrugs, looking back down at the pancake, “But, you can’t.”

His left hand rests on the counter where he leans, supporting his body. You want to reach out and grab it, pull him into you and keep him close as you tell him that you’re sorry over and over again. You give in before you can help yourself, and when you cover his hand with your own, he doesn’t pull away immediately.

“Rafe, please,” you beg, but you’re not sure for what exactly. His eyes. His love. His forgiveness. 

“Don’t,” he says, pulling hand from under yours, “You really hurt me this time.”

Before you can say anything else, he plates his pancakes, then turns to face Josie. 

She grins when she sees him holding up his own plate, and he puts on his parent mask as he nears her. 

“Can we eat together, baby?” he asks enthusiastically, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was absolutely, positively, fine. 

     After Josie and Rafe leave, you bring Connor downstairs. You cuddle with him when he asks for it, you make him soup, give him more medicine, and watch Paw Patrol until he falls asleep on your lap. 

You, however, don’t nap. You stare at your phone screen, at a drafted text to Rafe as your thumb hovers over the send button. 

I hope you know that I didn’t mean to hurt you. Or Josie. I never would. The three of you are my priority. We can talk more when you’re ready, but I just want you to know that I’m thinking about what you said and I want to work this out with you more than anything. Please come home. 

You debate taking off the plea for him to come home, but you decide to leave it and press send. When you see that it went through, you put your phone down and take a deep breath, then leave your eyes glued to the screen so you can see the second he responds. 

When your phone does light up again, you pounce on it. You frown when you see Maddie’s name at the top of the new text, asking you why Rafe canceled the dinner plans that you two had with Maddie and Kelce tonight — which you’d completely forgotten about. 

You reply quickly and tell her that Connor is sick, and debate asking her if she can talk on the phone so you can get advice. However, you decide against it and fire off your excuse just as Rafe’s response comes in. 

We will pick up dinner and be there soon. How’s Connor? 

You smile, because something about this feels like progress. Silently, you look down to the sleeping boy, running your hand through his hair because you just can’t help yourself. 

He’s good. Sleeping off the fever, I hope. Thank you for getting dinner!

He won’t respond to that and you know it, but you don’t care. At least he gave you one response. 

     Connor wakes just before Josie and Rafe get home, and with a perfect temperature, he says he wants to stay downstairs for dinner. You nod and give him a hug, and when you hear the garage door open, you wave him up and into the kitchen. 

“Mommy!” Josie shouts when she enters the house, “Look, Daddy got me a princess sticker!”

She holds it up to you proudly as you hug her tight, “Oh, I love it, Jo.”

She beams and moves over to show it to Connor as Rafe walks in. He holds a pizza in his left hand and Josie’s bag in his right. You don’t miss the name on the pizza box — your favorite place, meaning he had to drive fifteen extra minutes each way to get it instead of getting the easy, shitty pizza down the street. 

“You got Lighthouse,” you say, biting your lip to hide a smile as you acknowledge his drive to the pizza place.

“Yeah, I—” he stops himself and closes his eyes, then shakes his head before repeating, “Yeah.”

You take a daring step forward, “Thank you.”

He nods once, and when you see him swallow down his impulse to reach for you, to hug you and kiss you and ask about your day, he looks over to the kids. 

“Hey, Connor. How are you feeling, buddy?”

Rafe steps past you to get to him, and the pizza you’d just been swooning over suddenly doesn’t seem as appetizing. Regardless, you get plates out and divide up slices while Rafe works behind you to get everyone drinks. He pours juice out for the kids and tells them to sit at the table, then gets a beer for himself. He doesn’t ask you what you want because he already knows, and he sets the glass of white wine at your place setting.

Dinner is quiet, but you pretend it’s only because Josie is tired from swimming all day and Connor isn’t feeling well. Everything feels off because you and Rafe didn’t work today — you told Rose that Connor was sick — and Josie didn’t go to school. It feels like it should be a weekend, but it’s not. 

You want to ask Rafe if he plans on going back to work tomorrow. If he wants to sleep next to you tonight, because you want to sleep next to him. You want to ask him everything, anything, just to get him to look at you. 

After dinner, Rafe volunteers himself to do bath and bedtime, which leaves you downstairs to clean up the small mess from the meal. As you clean, you spot a tub of ice cream in the freezer and pull it out, smiling to yourself at your little idea. 

     When Rafe comes back downstairs, he doesn’t look for you. Instead, he makes his way into your shared bedroom, already peeling off his shirt in preparation for a shower when he freezes. You’re sitting on his side of the bed with two small bowls of ice cream and that pout on your lips that you know he loves. He visibly softens at the sight, and when you hold up the bowl, his jaw ticks. 

“You’re something else,” he mutters, more to himself than to you, as he crosses the room shirtless. 

You give him a small smile as he plants himself beside you and accepts the bowl. His knee touches yours, and you feel giddy inside when he doesn’t pull himself away. 

“I’m trying, Rafe,” you whisper as he takes a bite, staring down at the bowl instead of you, “I’m trying to figure out what to do. Because I miss you. And I know I made a mistake. But I don’t want to cut my brother off in the process of working this out. He’s doing better, and I’m afraid that would trigger him into a relapse, or something.”

“I get that,” he murmurs. 

“So, let’s talk about it. All three of us. Let’s set clear boundaries and we can even make a timeline—”

“Y/N,” Rafe practically laughs, “I already did that with you. I told you that I wasn’t ready. I set my boundary, and you crossed it.”

You swallow, “I know, but I think it will help if Scott is clued in, too. That way, wires don’t get crossed, and we can all—”

“We can all what?” he scoffs, standing up, “Live happily ever after? Scott can worm his way back into our kids’ lives? I cave on a lot of shit for you, Y/N, but this is not something you can ask me to do.”

“Rafe, I’m not asking you to change how you feel,” you reply, your voice small and pleading, as if silently begging him to sit back down with you, “Please, I’m not. I’m just trying to make everyone happy.”

He shakes his head and lets his eyes close, rolling them behind his lids, “That’s the problem with you. You’re always so focused on how everyone else feels. You’re so afraid to tell Scott ‘no’ because you’re afraid you’ll be responsible for a relapse if you do. You know what, Y/N? You’re allowed to be selfish. You’re allowed to stand up for yourself and our children. Scott is a grown ass man, and his choices are his own. You baby the fuck out of him, and it needs to stop.”

You digest Rafe’s words, letting them hang in the air between the two of you. On one hand, you want to fight back. You want to tell him that Scott is your family, and you’re just trying to help. On the other hand, you see how trying to help turned into Josie being in an accident. Then, you hear Rafe’s words in your head once more. 

I cave on a lot of shit for you. 

He does, and you know it. With a deep breath, you nod your head, willing to sacrifice for him the way he always does for you — without a second thought. 

“Okay,” you whisper, watching his eyes dart to you, “Alright. I’ll take space. I’ll work on it. Whatever is best for you and the kids, I will do that.”

Rafe stares at you like that’s the last thing he expected you to say. His hands meet his hips and he assesses you from head to toe before swallowing. 

“Maybe you should sleep on that decision,” he says carefully. 

You shake your head, ignoring the stinging in your eyes. He watches you carefully as you stand up and step over to him, then place a gentle hand on his chest. You can feel his heart racing, and you want to smile at the thought of still being able to do that to him after all this time. 

“I don’t need to. You’re right, I let people walk all over me because I don’t want to disappoint anyone. But, our marriage is my priority, and our children are my priority, and I need to do better. I’m sorry, Rafe, I’m so sorry.”

His eyes close when your lips ghost over his cheek. His fists ball at his sides as he fights the urge to pull you in, to forget it all and just let his body take over. You move down and kiss along his jawline, then back up to his mouth. You let your lips hover for a moment, giving him time to object, before you lean closer. 

“Y/N,” he whispers at the very last second, “You can’t just tell me what I want to hear because we’re in a fight. You need to figure this shit out for yourself.”

“Rafe,” you sigh, but he shakes his head. 

“I need some time, too. This really rattled me, and I need to figure out how I want to proceed.”

You furrow your brows, “How you want to proceed? Like, with us?”

You fear the answer more than anything, but you need to hear it. 

“With everything,” he replies, “I just… I need sleep. So do you.”

You nod but don’t say a word, standing there and thinking about the melting ice cream that sits on your bed. 

Rafe takes a deep breath and watches as you avoid his eyes, then sighs and steps forward. You think he might reach out to touch you, grab you, kiss you, anything. Instead, he picks up his pillow from his side of the bed and steps back, offering you half a smile. 

“I’ll be on the couch,” he mumbles, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” you reply. 

He picks up the two ice cream bowls and carries them to the door, turning back and staring at the scene in front of him for a moment. You, still standing on his side of the bed, where you know you’ll sleep tonight. 

“Love you,” he whispers. 

“Love you, too.”

He nods and then closes the door behind him. Only then do you fall into his side of the bed and inhale his scent on the sheets, allowing your tears to fall right where you lay. You don’t grab a pillow, you don’t cover yourself with a blanket. You just cry until your body grows so tired that it forces you to sleep, with swollen eyes and a regretful heart. 

     You jolt awake to the sound of the doorknob to your bedroom rattling up and down a few times, which immediately has you sitting up in bed. Your first thought is that it’s Connor trying to get in because he’s sick, and your heart sinks at the thought of him having gotten worse. 

Which is why, when Rafe comes rushing into the room, your eyes grow wide. He’s shirtless and his hair is a mess, but more than that, he looks completely terrified. Your heart races as he starts over to you at a fast pace, lips parted like he’s trying to speak, but can’t. 

“Rafe, what is it?” you ask softly. 

His breaths are shallow and jagged, and when he tries to inhale, it seems like he can’t. You scoot closer to the edge of the bed, and when he rounds the mattress and gets to you, he sinks to his knees in front of you. 

“You’re okay,” he whispers in relief, beginning to check you from top to bottom with his eyes and hands, “Fuck, thank God.”

His palms grip your forearms and he flips them over to check for any sort of marking or injury, then moves down your body to your legs. He runs his hands over every square inch of your skin, and you let him. 

“Of course I’m okay,” you reply, grabbing one of his hands in yours, “What’s wrong? What happened?”

He lets out a long breath, then shakes his head, but his hands never leave you. He grips you tight, like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go for even a moment. 

“Nothing, nothing,” he rushes, “Just a bad dream, I guess. Felt real.”

You tense, “Are you having nightmares again?”

He shrugs, but when you cup his cheek with your free hand, he nods. 

“Yeah,” he admits shyly, “I, um, I know we’re in a weird place right now, but—”

“Come to bed,” you demand, tugging him in. 

He nods, as if that’s exactly what he wanted you to say. You scoot over just enough for him to crawl onto the mattress, then bury yourself in him the moment he’s laying flat. His arms wrap around you and your head presses against his heart; this time racing for a different reason. 

Just as you settle and the room falls silent, you debate what to say. If you should ask any questions or just let him be. Rafe speaks, silencing your mind. 

“Y/N,” he whispers into the darkness, “I have to tell you something.”

“Tell me,” you encourage, squeezing him slightly. 

He takes a long moment to start, but when he does, you can tell by the shakiness in his voice that he’s emotional.

“I think part of the reason I got so upset with you was because I was very aware of the fact that it could’ve been the three of you at that intersection. Even though you let Scott take her against my wishes, you still made the right choice, somehow. Because, I swear, if I had gotten a call that all of you were at the hospital, I think I would’ve had a heart attack right then and there in my office.”

“Rafe,” you whine, cuddling closer. 

He shakes his head, “Let me finish, okay, baby?”

“Okay,” you whisper. 

“I’m terrified that something will happen one day. That I won’t be there to protect you, or stop it, or fix it, and this whole thing really brought that fear out of me. I know that I seem overprotective with the kids, especially with Scott, but I just can’t stand the thought of something happening to them. To you. You’re my entire world, Y/N. I just need you to understand that.”

“I do understand that,” you answer, heart hammering in your chest, “But, we also can’t live our lives in fear of what could happen. All we can do is take precautions and make informed decisions together. I fucked up, and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Rafe. I would never, ever do that on purpose. I love you too much to even consider it.”

He swallows roughly, “I know, sweetheart.”

You want to say more, to spill your guts and tell him every thought you’ve had for the past twenty four hours. Instead, you cuddle deeper into him and inhale his scent, then kiss his cheek. 

“You should sleep, handsome,” you whisper against his skin, “I’m right here, and I’m okay. We’ll work it out in the morning.”

He nods, then presses a kiss into your hair, “I’m in love with you.”

“I’m in love with you, too,” you reply, “That means you’re stuck with me.”

He chuckles lightly, “Good.”

You smile against him, then kiss his cheek once more before you resign to laying your head on his chest. Both of you are asleep in seconds, surrounded in the warmth and love of the other. 

     When you wake up in the morning, your hands are both tangled in Rafe’s. You feel his smooth palms in yours and you smile before you even open your eyes to find him. When you do, he’s laying across from you, already wide awake. When his eyes meet yours, his lips tip up in a smile. 

"What are you staring at?” you ask teasingly, shifting closer. 

“My wife,” he replies in that morning voice that always seems to get you, “My beautiful, infuriating wife.”

You laugh, even though it shouldn’t be funny. He smiles a real smile then, and you bask in it. Having not seen it in what feels like forever, you want to keep it there for the rest of your life. 

“Rafe,” you whisper. “I—”

“I know,” he stops you, tugging you closer, “I know you’re sorry. I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“Really?” you ask hopefully. 

“Mhm,” he hums, “Can you just promise that you’ll call me the next time you don’t know what to do? No matter what?”

You nod, “I promise.”

“Thank you,” he says, then takes a breath before saying, “Now, about your brother.”

“I still want him in my life, Rafe. But, I’ll meet up with him and really discuss boundaries and everything. I’ll take the house key from him. I will do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable, but I won’t cut him out.”

He nods, “I’m not asking you to cut him out, baby. Not at all. You just need to be more firm with him. You know Scott, you give him an inch, he takes a mile.”

“I know,” you reply, dropping your shoulders at the evident quality your brother possesses, “I’ll work on being more assertive with my boundaries when it comes to him.”

“Good. You deserve to be appreciated and respected. You’re not a doormat for your brother and his issues.”

You know Rafe’s right, but you’re not ready to admit that that might just be what Scott has been doing to you. That he knows you’ll go easy on him, so he comes to you first. You haven’t wanted to see it, so you don’t. 

“So, we’re okay?” you ask, biting your lip. 

He stares at you for a moment, and you notice how his look of admiration has returned. You smile as he begins to nod, then squeeze his hand. 

“We’re okay,” he replies, “Sorry if I scared you last night.”

“You did. Do you think our fight brought it on?” 

He shrugs, “The fight. Josie being in the accident. I’m sure it will go away in the next few nights, as I calm down.”

You nod in understanding, then place a few gentle pecks onto his bare chest. 

“If there’s anything I can do, tell me,” you murmur, “You’re never alone.”

“Thank you, baby.”

As much as you want to stay and bask in his body heat, you know you should get up to check on Connor and take him more medicine. Rafe can feel you tense as you prepare to move, and his grip tightens. 

“Rafe—”

“He’s fine,” Rafe bluffs, “Don’t get up.”

“I have to.”

He laughs gruffly, then releases you. Reluctantly, you climb from the bed in your tank top and short shorts, eliciting a groan from Rafe where he lays. Without being able to contain himself, it seems, he reaches over and swats your backside as you escape from the bed, earning a jaw drop from you. 

“Sorry,” he grins mischievously. 

“Sure you are,” you mutter, “You’re lucky I love you.”

“I really am, sweetheart. I remind myself every day.”

You know he’s being his silly self, but the words bring butterflies to your stomach. You grin and turn back to look at him as you walk toward your bedroom door, taking a mental picture of him laying in bed with his shirt off and his hair messy. He’s practically begging you to come back to him, and for a moment, you strongly consider it. 

“Don’t move,” you command, “I’ll be back in ten.”

He chuckles, “Yes ma’am.”

You hurry from the room and up the stairs, already missing Rafe’s heat and the comfort of your bed with him in it. You’re already making plans for when you return to your bedroom, because although fighting with Rafe is one of the worst things in your entire world, making up is your absolute favorite.

*i no longer have a tag list! follow @mackupdates for updates! thank you for reading <3

[pichongames]

It's time for a new DEV UPDATE! [February 2024]

Let's talk about the upcoming Nintendo Switch port, localization, plushies, and new content coming soon?

It's time for a new development update, we've been working on a lot of stuff behind the scenes so let's talk about some of it, shall we?

The Bunny Graveyard is coming to Nintendo Switch!

If you didn't know already, The Bunny Graveyard is on its way to Nintendo Switch. But this port will not just be any normal port, the game will receive some enhancements and changes both visually and gameplay-wise. Including motion-controls, HD vibration and more!

But do not worry PC users, even though some gameplay features will be exclusive to Switch, any content updates, improvements and future chapters will be released at the same time on all platforms.

More languages!

The Bunny Graveyard: Chapter 1 is currently being translated to more languages, some of these are:

Brazilian Portuguese

French

Russian

Japanese

Simplified Chinese

Korean

...and more!

Boxers Plushie!

You probably heard of this already, but yes! Boxers got himself his very own plushie, which is still available at the time of this writing, however, this is a limited edition plushie so make sure to grab one before they're gone. As of right now, there's still 8 days left, so think about it! You guys absolutely CRUSHED that funding goal by the way, 450 sold so far!

We're definitely making another one... hehe.

This is also our first piece of merchandise and we're open to do more merch stuff in the future! But for now we'll only be choosing things that don't slow us down during development. So, if you got any requests for merch, let us know and we'll look into it!

NEW free content is coming this year...

We are working on a new secret project for the game, it will be released as a free content update at the same time as the Nintendo Switch release. It's a small thing that we wanted to make for a while now, but never got the chance to do due to time constraints. Think of it as the next "4-1-1992" for now.

We'll be releasing a separate trailer for this soon, so stay tuned!

So... how's Chapter 2?

Finally, let's have a quick talk about Chapter 2.

We are still not ready to fully reveal Chapter 2, buuuut we can tell you a little bit about it. It is the most ambitious project we have ever done, we expect it to be about the same length as Chapter 1, but despite the length, this chapter has proven to be quite a challenge to develop... but you know us, we love ourselves a challenge!

The story has been fully written, the gameplay has been finalized, but there's still quite a lot of programming to go, and don't get me started on all the music and animations left. Oh, did I also mention that this chapter will be releasing at the same time on Nintendo Switch and PC? And that it will also release in multiple languages? And that I'm still working on this game mostly by myself?

Yeah, things are not the same as they were back when I was making Chapter 1, The Bunny Graveyard is no longer just a silly lil' indie game, but that's exactly what makes it fun. I seriously can't wait to show you guys what we've been working on, this chapter is going to blow you away. Expect a trailer sometime this year.

You can add Chapter 2 to your Steam wishlist now!

Final Thoughts!

2024 is looking like an awesome year for this game, I'm hoping that this year we can get more people to know about this game. I'm extremely thankful for all of the support that we've been getting lately, it's crazy that I can now FINALLY focus on this game full-time, something that I've been trying to do for a long time now. I'm still processing the fact that this game is coming to the Switch, but it really is! Truly a dream come true. If you got any questions, ask in the comments and I'll try to answer as many as I can! And as always, thank you all!

[wonderingpanda]

MM/Tales Mikey and his S/O. being "improv bf and ballet gf"?

Improvised Ballet

Tottmnt!Mikey x Ballerina!Reader

Ok, I had no idea if that post was going to get out there but it did so that’ll you guys! I have 3 other request to work on at the moment and I love them all so thank you, keep it coming! I tried to stick to clichés mostly as I really wasn’t sure how to write this but I hope I did well so please, enjoy!

You and Mikey first met in dance

It seemed like a fun elective and most of his improv friends were doing it so he figured, why not?

Upon entering the classroom, you were one of the first people he noticed

You were just sitting there, doing some personal stretches before warm-up, and all he could think was

“Damn, that girl can bend like spaghetti! Or pizza I guess. Mmmm I love pizza. Shoot, now I’m craving pizza! With a golden crust and gooey, delicious cheese…”

“Mikey! We’re about to start dude.” He was so deep into his own thoughts his friend had to snap him out of it. Wouldn’t be the first time either

“Oh yeah totally, I’ll be right there.” And as he moved to go find a spot, he couldn’t help but notice you gazing over in his direction. Interesting… very interesting

As time went by he kept being drawn to you. He noticed you in the halls, at lunch, but most of the time he’d be caught looking over at you during dance

Eventually, the class had to split into groups and each work on a group piece to present. Turns out, you guys had quite a few mutual friends and ended up being dragged into the same group together

Mikey, ever the extrovert, immediately took the opportunity to introduce himself and you guys got to talking

He found out you were mainly there to do ballet. Also contemporary (as that was the main focus of the class) but mainly ballet

Also apparently the school has a dance team, sick!

He did get to hear all about the ballet classes you take out of school and all the pain joy that rehearsal brings

In all honesty, you love it, it just requires a lot of physical strength

From that day onwards, you guys kept talking and hanging in class, then out of class, then out of school

It was awesome and Mikey couldn’t be happier, he had found a new close friend

As you two hung out more, some feelings started to grow

Nothing really changed much but close contact like high-fives and hugs became increasingly heart-racing

Even sitting next to each other was enough to raise your heart rates

Also villains might of seen you two hanging out every now and then so there may have been some kidnappery that left you in need of saving

But it’s fine, you’re fine

Everything’s fine

It was actually after one of those daring rescues that he finally asked you out, after an attack on the school

He had originally planned to do a dance with your friends and make it a big gesture

But after that fight, he didn’t want to take any chances and possibly leave it too late

So, once everyone was safe and everything, he immediately ran to you

Y/n! Are you hurt or anything? Don’t worry Mikey, I’m fine. Okay cos I kind of have something to ask you. Sure, what is it? Will you go out with me?

He said it, straight up just like that

You said yes, obviously, but it wasn’t your answer he was super worried about

He just wanted the chance to let you know how he felt

And so, you two were quickly recognised as a couple around school

A theatre kid and a ballet kid, two performers each with unique styles that somehow mixed perfectly

Now, you had known who Mikey and his brothers were long before you two even first talked

I mean, the whole school knew about them; it wasn’t any big secret

But you’d never really talked to them in-person before not until they started teasing Mikey about his crush on you

Then they had to help save you and from there friendship was inevitable

Seriously, you can’t just ignore someone after they’ve helped save you… multiple times

And believe me, it doesn’t matter that you two were dating now, they still loved teasing Mikey about it

So sometimes you had to take extra measures to ensure payback was efficient

But don’t worry they still have their shells on, for now

However, there was one close friend of Mikey’s whom you struggled to get comfortable with

April

While I hate to say it, you and April didn’t get along easily

Being a ballet kid sometimes came with a bad rep and for someone like April, who had been picked on by so many people (including the ballet kids), trust wasn’t always easy to instil in others

You did manage to become friends though. Yes, some of the ballet people you hung out with weren’t the best and yes, you may have laughed along with their cruel jokes to try and fit in but that was the past

Also, surprisingly, April is super forgiving and chill so everything’s good between you two now

As for how you and Mikey are as an actual couple, well…

There’s running through halls

MIKEY, DROP THE GLITTER BOMB! But Donnie made it just for meeee! That doesn’t-no-stop-get back here you turd! TURD!? What kind of an insult is that! Mikey! Catch me if you can!

Crying to movies

Why’d they have to kill the dog! I don’t know. I loved that little guy. *sniffle* I-I know *simultaneous sobbing*

Mikey teaching you improv

So the idea is we go around in a circle and keep a steady rhythm. And you keep that rhythm by using hand gestures and yelling ‘wah’? Exactly! Ok… just wondering, how does this relate to improv? I don’t know. I guess it’s cos it makes you think on the spot. Right.

And you teaching Mikey ballet

Come on, stretch! Ahhh! Stretch! I-I can’t! Yes you can! Now STRETCH! Aaaoooww!!!

Oh, and sometimes you have to be a bit strict with him

Mikey loves chaos and has been raised on it but you’ve been taught to follow the rules so much that not doing so almost seems terrifying

So if, on the odd occasion, Mikey is trying to hide something from you it’s ok

He’s not cheating, just breaking the law

He loves attending your concerts and follows no laws of theatre etiquette which can be embarrassing but also adorable

You, on the other hand, found it almost life-changing to go to one of Mikey’s improv nights

The audience interaction and goofy scenes made it all so thrilling and exciting

And while you do have friends who had been doing improv for ages, you’d never actually attended one of the shows before

But your bf is the exception, forever and always

You still haven’t met his dad as you refuse to enter the sewers and Splinter still struggles with coming out in broad daylight

And your parents are yet to hear of your relationship as you have no idea how they’d feel about you dating a mutant turtle

They do, of course, know of your friendship but perhaps you’ll wait a bit before breaking the news that it’s a little more now

And the shots they’d make you take just for kissing him, the thought is draining

Besides, it can’t be that dangerous to kiss a turtle… can it?

👀

And don’t worry, I didn’t forget about the precious mutanimals

They know of you but you are yet to meet, you’ll talk eventually though

Overall, your relationship is messy, chaotic, thrilling and partially secretive

But it feels right

I hope I did good. Also, I’m an ex-ballet kid and a current theatre kid so I found this hilarious to write. And I do mean ex-ballet kid, I haven’t done proper classes in years so apologies if I got some stuff wrong. Anyway, as usual, please have a lovely day/night wherever you are!✨

[bengiyo]

Hi!!

Quick question: Is the level of regular engagement/posting/meta for BL series right now (particularly Step By Step and La Pluie, but others as well) a typical amount of engagement for a show in this little Tumblr corner? or above average? (or below average??)

Is it increasing because (from what I understand) things are changing and there's more to talk about nowadays?

As a newbie, I am having a FABULOUS time with reading and seeing everyone's different thoughts and perspectives and insights and learning new things. 'tis excellent. I don't think I've ever enjoyed watching TV more.

However, from what I understand the amount of BL coming out right now is actually in a bit of a lul? and so if this level of engagement is typical for the majority of shows (or only good shows idk) I'm going to have to put some time management stuff in place.

I just want to be prepared! Because this is Awesome!

Oh, this is a complicated one. I'm going to tag @absolutebl, @so-much-yet-to-learn, @lurkingshan, @ginnymoonbeam, @liyazaki, @negrowhat, @respectthepetty, and any other old fans reading this to also weigh in.

I think we are a shell of what we once were. At the height of 2gether, Bad Buddy, I Told Sunset About You, and a few other big shows you were getting banger after banger in the tags. I feel like I've been writing more lately because I miss that era and feel like I have to directly contribute to fostering it with new fans entering the space.

On the real, in 2020 @asianmade organized fans to submit letters and other content and assembled books to thank Bright and Win for the work they did on 2gether. We even got confirmation from Bright that they got the books.

I think good storytelling begets good reactions. The more invested we are, the more we're going to talk about it. I think fandom really only works when we're all actively contributing to it in some way. Reblogging and leaving fun comments in the tags. Writing crack posts. Sharing clown theories about what might be happening. Making gifs. Making fan vids. I genuinely think that the experience of watching the show improves when fans come together to share their ideas and build each other up.

Still, there used to be a lot more of us on tumblr. I hope that we continue to be this invested in the shows that follow. I feel like we're about to turn a lot more of our attention to Be My Favorite.

So, if you're enjoying the experience of having so much to read, please add to the stream! Write your thoughts down! Love the shows loudly! Tag us if you write something! Message us if you have questions!

[cattimeswithjellie]

Stream Recap, PearlescentMoon, 6/26/24

(A terraforming stream with Pearl! I only recapped the first two and a half hours because after that she went to play Decked Out. Decked Out is awesome and very fun, but I am not the person to do recaps and analysis of it.)

Pearl 6/26

4:00 Pearl opens her stream on audio-only. She welcomes the chat and thanks subs and donos. Today’s plan is episode prep and exclusive previews! Pearl is going to the gaming district to work on the portals and podiums! There will be terraforming and detailing! A chatter is disappointed they missed Decked Out, Pearl says Decked Out just happens sometimes. A chatter asks about Replay Mod, Pearl says she uses her cam account with Replay Mod for timelapses, because otherwise the chunks unload when she leaves to get supplies and it makes the timelapse flash. Pearl’s computer can handle two Minecraft instances at once, sometimes three! A chatter jokes about raiding Tango later, Pearl scolds them playfully and says not every stream is going to be a six hour stream, and she’s got no redstone to do today.

9:00 Pearl switches to game view inside her storage room. Hbomb has been tempting Pearl with the Hardcore Decked Out challenge he has been doing lately (collect 50 tomes with no deaths). She hasn’t decided to do it, but she is tempted. The cats are also being very distracting. Dyeductions is officially open now, but nobody has played yet. Pearl is sad. She flies to the flower shop and shows off the new improvements to the game. Hard mode isn’t ready yet, but there’s a new word for the week and all the new textures for the letters are serverside. It just needs players!

14:00 Pearl heads to the gaming district, to her build-in-progress for the district portal. Pearl is not entirely happy with the build, it is functional but not excellent. It needs more trees and texturing. Chat thinks it’s a cute building. Pearl hoped to have all this done last week, but it’s nearly done now. A chatter asks about a Soup Group collab, Pearl loves collabing with Impulse and Gem but this is Season 10 and there are lots of Hermits on the server to work with! A chatter asks about games in the district, Pearl is going to build an enlarged version of her Bin-Go game from last season, with a red light/green light mechanism added on. She was thinking about a different, larger game but that’s for next season now. She has so many projects!

21:00 More talk about the new Bin-Go game. There will be challenges to help players get items faster and lessen the running. Pearl waxes her copper and quickly disclaims any suggestions that she might build Decked Out 3. That is Tango’s baby and she is nowhere near that skill level. A chatter suggests Decked In, where hermits just relax on deck chairs, Pearl thinks Keralis has that sewn up for the season. She begins chopping down trees and shaping the landscape. Chat asks what she’s enjoying about this season. She likes everyone being close together, it’s fun! She also likes learning redstone and the solarpunk theme for her base. Chat shouts out the mail system. Pearl also likes the mail, but she wants it to do something new and exciting with it.

28:50 Someone suggests gamifying the mail system to make people use it, Pearl would like people to want to use the mail without needing an extra game for it. Chat suggests the ability to mail lit TNT. Pearl thinks that’s probably not a great idea. Pretty dangerous. Someone suggests hot potato in the mail system, but Pearl knows it would just get stuck in someone’s mailbox. She’s going to brainstorm with Etho and Tango for ideas. Pearl is so low on stone that she had to pay 12 diamonds for two shulkers. It’s terrible! Chat continues to toss in more game ideas.

33:30 A chatter mentions they just watched 45 minutes of Scar in an audio feedback loop. Pearl has heard a little and is curious about that, what exactly happened there? Chat explains Scar’s audio woes from 6/23, when he left three instances of his stream running on his desktop and all looping on him for the first 45 minutes of his stream. Pearl can hardly believe that. “Oh Scar,” she says. She asks if he somehow didn’t notice. Chat explains that he knew but he didn’t know how to fix it and he couldn’t read the suggestions in chat. The tabs were hidden and he couldn’t find them for awhile. Pearl is sympathetic and also laughing. A chatter asks if Pearl is the mail lady or the flower lady, now that she has her flower crown. Pearl says she is always the mail lady, he shop does not define her! Plus she has not started advertising flower crowns yet, since hard mode on Dyeductions is not ready yet. Pearl may put up a leaderboard and make a competition, just to get people coming back. She also should probably stock the shop at some point. A chatter suggests building a postbox at the mining desert to increase mail usage, but the mailing desert, like Doc and Joe’s bases, is just really far away.

40:00 A chatter asks if Pearl will do a facecam stream soon. Pearl only uses facecam for special occasions, MCC or charity events or cat streams, but otherwise she likes to be able to relax. Facecam streams bring some pretty unpleasant chatters out of the wooodwork and Pearl prefers to avoid it. She takes another wide look at the build and decides she needs more spruce and coarse dirt for the terraforming. A chatter asks what Pearl thinks about the Minecraft movie, she cannot offer an opinion about a movie that doesn’t exist yet! She does not think she will watch a Minecraft animated series. She didn’t play Story mode, this is also not her cup of tea.

47:00 Pearl used to watch cartoons and anime, but not really very much anymore. She did watch and enjoy Arcane. She discusses subs and dubs with Chat, she prefers subs but usually watches shows while doing something else, which makes it tough to read. She talks with Chat about superhero shows. Pearl is burnt out on superhero stuff; she used to like it but was way overexposed by the huge deluge of shows and movies all at once. A chatter says they have been watching since HC2 but have never watched a stream before. Pearl welcomes them in, she is honored to be the first. A chatter asks what Pearl likes to watch in her free time; it’s pretty eclectic. A lot of times it’s just her friends’ streams, but sometimes movies from her childhood, whatever’s streaming on the streaming services, etc. She’s been watching and playing a little Stardew Valley lately. She specifically does not watch her own old videos, that is too awkward. She especially can’t watch Evo, old her making awkward content. Chat is very fond of Pearl’s old content, especially Evo.

57:00 Pearl talks a little bit about her Stardew Valley game, she played a little of it for fun just before stream. She gives a chatter advice on what to do after the community center is built. Pearl has never been interested in any of the relationships in Stardew Valley, but she’s trying to get into it in this current playthrough because if people really like you, they will give you stuff. Also there’s more game content you get access to with relationships and she wants to see more of that. So far Hailey is her highest relationship, and she is trying to win people over by giving them diamonds. She talks more about Stardew Valley strats.

1:03:00 A chatter asks Pearl who she has known the longest on Hermitcraft. She has known Gem for a very long time, longer even than she’s known Grian. ((Many Hermitcraft fans first knew of Pearl as a member of Grian’s build team before she joined Hermitcraft.)) They met before either of them were really making videos seriously, on a mutual friend’s creative server in 2016. She met Grian that same year, so they weren’t too far apart in time. In eight years, she has only seen Gem twice in person. A chatter asks how she met Grian. Pearl applied to his build crew in 2016, back when he was doing a lot of build tutorial videos and such. Grian doesn’t really have a build crew anymore, he is more likely to just ask his friends for building help when he needs it, but back then he took a chance on Pearl. A chatter is dismayed to realize that 2016 was eight years ago. Pearl says 2016 feels like a long time ago, but she graduated uni in 2017 and that doesn’t seem like so long ago! That’s the really weird part.

1:05:00 A chatter asks how Pearl met Mythical Sausage. She met him a little after Grian, she found a livestream where he was playing a modpack she was curious about. He had an open server going on to experiment with the modpack, she joined, and they’ve been friends ever since. It’s a small world! Pearl met Jimmy SolidarityGaming during Evo for the first time. They shared that server and Legacy SMP as well, but she didn’t know him that well until Empires Season One.The terraforming is going well, but Pearl needs to restock on mud bricks. She has a lot of project shulkers and has to go through them to find what she needs. A chatter says they watch Pearl’s EVO POV all the time. Pearl laughs and says there is old content of hers that she can watch, but not EVO. She was so awkward and cringy, it makes her feel bad for Grian! The chatters reminisce fondly over Pearl’s 2016 “Edgy emo” Minecraft skin. A chatter asks if Pearl’s DMs are open, she says no, she does not like to be contacted that way. A chatter remembers that Joel’s edgy skin era was Shrek; she laughs and asks “isn’t he still Shrek?”

1:09:30 A chatter says that their daughter is in the emo phase now and will definitely cringe later. Pearl agrees that’s all part of growing up. Everyone has a cringe stage and that’s okay. Pearl is pleased with the look of the portal and adds a few touches of moss for greenery. She does not love how dark the grass is in the dark oak biome. Dirt does not look good next to dark oak grass. Pearl does not like this biome. A chatter agrees and was surprised that the S9 Shopping District was in a dark oak biome. Pearl had forgotten that, but after all, there wasn’t much natural biome in the SD by the time they were done with it. A chatter asks for Minecraft drops, a month late. “NO CAPES!” yells Pearl.

1:15:30 A chatter asks about what redstone game Pearl will make in the gaming district. She tells them it will be Bin-Go, bigger, better and different than last season. She gives a little advice to the chatters who are still worried about redeeming their cape drops. A chatter asks how Pearl got so good at Minecraft building. She says she started with an oak box house just like everyone else, it’s practice and patience. Too many people watch building streams and think they can dive right into building big great stuff on their own, but you need to practice. Everyone has their own pace, everyone has the same blocks to work with.

1:22:00 Pearl runs out of jungle wood and runs home for more. She tells Chat that next week she’ll be working on the interior of her shop and that’s when she’s going to finish the audio for Dyeductions. A chatter asks about the Ore Snatcher and she admits she’s not following that storyline very much, but she’s getting big Cub vibes from the whole thing. He is, after all, the guy who built an entire museum last season based on stealing things from other Hermits. Pearl herself has had her head in Dyeduction 6-8 hours per day, she’s got no time for plotlines and not enough nerve to stick her hands into Doc’s redstone for any reason. If she had to guess, though, she’d put a stack of diamonds on Cub. Chat tries to fill Pearl in on the Ore Snatcher storyline thus far, but a lot of them are misinformed on at least one important point and there’s a lot of in-chat debate.

1:30:00 Pearl backs off for a look from far away and likes what she sees. She hears about the Glitcher sign and is rather offended that anybody would think of her when seeing a sign like that with a dollar sign replacing an S. Plus if it _were_ Pearl, there would be a lot more high-key pranking by this point. She and Chat go through the possible suspects and speculate on likely suspects. Now Pearl is curious, mostly because she wants to be right that it’s Cub. Chat agrees that Pearl is way noisier and more obvious when she’s trolling. Chat wants to know who Pearl would have for a lawyer (herself) and what she would wear to court (her cleaning lady outfit.)

1:37:00 Pearl has been using music and scented candles to relax lately, she got some good candles from Aldi. Chat hopes she has been listening to the llama song on repeat, she has not. She has been listening to some of the Eras Tour lately. Chat is pleased to know that Pearl is a Swiftie. Pearl says she appreciates a good entertainer. Pearl lies home for more dirt and coarse dirt. It’s a very dirty terraforming project. Pearl and Chat talk about various concert tours.

1:43:30 Pearl looks at the overhead shot of the portal. She needs to make decisions about color palettes for the stairs and such, but it’s hard without knowing what the road is going to look like. Nobody has started making the roads yet. Usually one person starts making roads and everyone else follows along, so Pearl could probably design the road herself if she wants to. She and chat discuss possible road blocks and how they would affect the gradient of the portal build. Chat suggests lining the road with PICKLES. Pearl likes that idea, nothing but pickles and grass! Gem would love it. Chat also has other, more helpful ideas. Pearl’s been giving the pickle thing a break lately, even though she loves nudging Gem and the easiest way is to sell out her shop. There’s nothing worse than overdoing a joke, but pickles will have their season again! Karn raids into the stream, he died 25 times on Elden Ring. Pearl scolds him playfully for spending two hours trying to brute force a boss he was underleveled for.

1:52:00 Pearl runs out of packed mud and heads home. She pauses by a house (Cleo’s?) that has had all its trapdoors flipped up and jokingly speculates on who could _possibly_ have been playing with that roof. ((Definitely Gem.)) Pearl talks about Elden Ring with Chat. A chatter thanks Pearl for getting them into Stardew Valley, Pearl is happy to take credit for that. Karn eventually comes into the room and audibly defends himself over Pearl’s mic. Pearl is unconvinced by his arguments. The phrase “Whacking and rolling” is repeated about ten fifteen twenty times. Karn uses his best Scottish accent to bid farewell to the stream and heads off. Pearl admits that she knows there is more to the game than whacking and rolling, and eventually she will play it one day.

2:00:00 Pearl color tests some stair ideas and realizes that one set of stairs is lopsided. She fixes it, which means doing a lot of retexturing along one edge of the stairs. It is 1am Pearl time. She is a bit yawnsome and decides to have a snack. This portal, she tells Chat, will not be iconic but it will be very functional. She observes that two hours of terraforming seems way longer than two hours of redstoning. When snack break is over, she gets back to work on making rocks. She and Chat talk about music and mooning, and about visiting Australia. A Chatter asks her if she’s in NSW, she says she is in Victoria. Pearl admits that while she’s doing what she needs to do in regards to building, her heart isn’t in it as much as she’d like right now. She wants to be making more games!

2:13:00 Pearl realizes she’s made a mistake in dirtying up her path with incorrect dirt. She needs a break from this build to stimulate her brain pretty soon. Chat suggests bothering Impulse, but he is gone. Pearl laments again that nobody has played Wordle this week. Chat suggests stalking Zed with a spyglass, but he is in recording mode. Besides, spyglasses are so last season. A chatter asks how many days have passed on the server so far, but Pearl doesn’t have access to that in her stats. She shows off some of her other stats from the season so far. (193k jumps! 24K mob kills, mostly endermen. 3K note blocks tuned, which confuses her until she remembers the whole fish slapping thing.) Chat wants to know about pickles, but she has only placed a modest 458 so far.

2:20:00 Pearl is running low on tuff, but not out yet. The tuff bricks are very satisfying to place. A chatter asks if she’ll watch Twitch Rivals, which for once is at a reasonable Australian hour. Pearl is not sure, 11pm is not crazy late for once, but she still might be in bed. She looks at the player list. She doesn’t know most of the players and is not sure who she would root for. She collects up some more tuff, but she is almost out even in her storage room. A chatter drops a large dono and Pearl pauses to thank them. A chatter suggests teaming up with MCC for competitive Decked Out, Pearl lets her sassy side out and suggests that would be a short MCC due to skill issues. Pearl wistfully wonders if she should just go play Decked Out. But no, she has work to do! She tells Chat about Hbomb’s hardcore challenge and what cards she has encouraged him to get or avoid.

2:32:30 Pearl runs a poll in chat on whether she should play Decked Out or keep building. The vote is fairly close, so Pearl decides it will just be a couple of runs, then come back and build. Chat is disappointed that there was no “chaotic murder spree” option, but Pearl points out that Grian is the only one available to murder and he might not appreciate too much chaotic murder. She backs out for one more look and is actually starting to like the look of the portal and path.

2:40:00 Pearl pays a visit to the Gamers Outreach Donations Monolith. She fondly reminisces about how bonkers the viewers are and how much money was raised. She would like to build out the road from the Gaming District to the monolith. Chat wants Pearl to murder Grian _so_ bad. Or rather one chatter wants Pearl to murder Grian so badly that they sent 200 dollars in donations to encourage it. Pearl appreciates the dono but she cannot be bribed. Gem can probably be bribed. Chat wants a poll on murdering Grian, but this is not up for a poll either. Joe Hills raids into the stream. He has been working on his skin for court and wants to show Pearl. Pearl is cool with this idea.

2:48:20 Joe flies down and greets Pearl. He is wearing his “Lawyer” skin, which is the Juppet skin in a skintight green jumpsuit with asymmetric sleeves and a big white @ sign on the chest. He was inspired by the lawyers from Star Trek. Pearl asks if they asymmetry is a distraction tactic. Joe explains that in the present, justice is seen as an attempt to find balance, but in the future the system recognizes the inherent futility in seeking true balance and instead seeks justice within the natural asymmetry of the universe. Or something like that. Pearl doesn’t get it either. She confirms that he still has the weird puppet mouth. Pearl asks when court is, he says it’s tomorrow and she can be in the gallery if she is not sleeping. He wishes her good luck with the stream, she wishes him good luck in court, and he heads out after a brief false start where he tries to fly without his elytra. Pearl sympathizes with that classic Hermit move.

2:50:00 Chat is a bit confused by Joe, Pearl thinks he will do well in court because he can make lots of logical and extremely weird arguments. Chat doesn’t believe he will do very well because he is Doc’s lawyer. Pearl does not actually know the details of the case, but Chat explains that Doc has basically admitted to unjustified pigslaughter a dozen times already. Pearl thinks that sounds intriguing, so if she’s awake and not doing video stuff, she might drop by and watch. She asks if there isn’t supposed to be a jury, chat explains the Bdubs system of jurisprudence. Pearl wishes Bdubs good luck.

2:54:00 Pearl drops to the standby screen to switch to Decked Out. She insists she will only go four hours today. ((Spoilers: she does not.)) Chat is very bloodlusty today and willing to back it up with money, Pearl hopes to slake their thirst for violence with Decked Out shenanigans.

((Despite her insistence that she will A: only play a few rounds of Decked Out and B: only stream for four hours, Pearl spends the next nearly-two hours playing Decked Out and does not make it back onto the Hermitcraft Season 10 server. Decked Out is very fun and probably deserves its own set of treatments from a dedicated recapper, but this particular recapper has more than enough to do just recapping Season 10.))

4:37:00 Pearl says it’s time to finish up and thanks subs and donos. She is going to do more terraforming, but it will be offstream. She’ll be back streaming on Friday! She raids into Impulse and ends her stream.

[yikes-kachowski]

Hiii! I dropped by on accident and found out your avatar headcanons and OCs so so nice

I gotta ask a few curiosities of mine if that's cool? *takes out a notebook and a pen*

- since katara and zuko are a thing, did it make their friendship with aang weird or was he cool with it instantly? And how did it even began for them? Did it followed the show's events? Did Aang even got a crush on Katara?

- What happens to Azula?

- How does all these next gen kids react when Korra shows up? Is it weird, is it fine, is it all the same? I mean, they all knew the previous avatar and he was pretty much their family and all. Tho I think them having their own lives also mean it's not that much of a deal?

- Is Katara still one of Korra's teaching masters?

- Sokka's kids get along?

- Does Tenzin and Bumi eventually get okay with each other?

- Korra still loses her connection to the past avatars and therefore Aang? Do they even talk, like he did to Roku and all?

- do you have any other headcanon or change of other characters from tlok or tloa that you mind sharing? like, a plot from tlok that you think it could be better improved or discarded, or something that happens on your universe and you haven't talked about yet?

Sorry for this such a big of an ask, i really REALLY liked these ideas you had (and your art is also amazing and so awesome and pretty too 💞).

heyyyy anon! sorry for the late reply, i hope you still see this.

First of all, thank you! I love genuine interest in my stuff I never expect it. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy and clever. ALSO thanks for complimenting my art! i'm a slow artist so my blood sweat and tears (mostly tears) are in every drawing !!!

onto answering your questions to the best of my ability:

1) Aang is completely cool with Katara and Zuko's relationship. He's basically their biggest shipper :) He did have a crush on Katara (and Zuko tbh), but he was able to let it go pretty quickly. As the Avatar, after the war he was almost too busy to even be sad about it. Overwhelmingly, he was just happy for his friends

Also, Katara and Zuko get together after the war, when Katara's about 17 and he's about 19. Katara goes to the South Pole and they fall for each other through letters and short visits.

Most show events aren't really taken out for me. Just really the kiss right at the end.

2) Azula has a redemption arc. I like to think of it as being a redemption arc she herself is hardly aware of. She just thinks she's really in the long haul of fooling the gaang into liking her. Her redemption arc starts immediately after the war because Zuko keeps her safe in the palace.

Aang becomes her friend first and encourages everyone else to give her a chance. Sokka provides an outlet for all of her older brother issues, since she and Zuko have an awkward relationship. And Katara is tutored by Azula in Fire Nation etiquette and history so she's better equipped to be Fire Lady.

sorry if this is confusing, but believe it or not this rambling all makes sense to me.

3) Korra is very important to the next gen kids, aang's kids and the zk especially. Her arrival is in the middle of great political conflict that never would have happened if Aang wasn't murdered, so they're eager to get her in on the Avatar business.

My idea with Aang dying so young, is that all of his business is half finished. His kids didn't get real closure for their relationship. So Bumi, Yelaan, Palkyi and Tenzin all have complex feelings toward her. Bumi's in particular are very intense.

Being around Korra FEELS like being in his father's presence, which is hard for him. He doesn't want aang to have been a good person or a good father because then he'd really have to miss and mourn everything he was gone for. but this is a lot and hard for me to say so

the steambabies also need Korra and consider her central. They watched their parents' reactions when Aang died (particularly Zuko), and that has affected them deeply. Sakari has been advised to always follow the avatar, so she's happy to have guidance. Besides, she hopes the Avatar will restore and era of peace since she worries for Bumi and Akiak.

Akiak has changed since Aang died, a lot. In ways he's not always proud of. Facing Korra is somewhat hard for him for that reason. Especially since sometimes she opposes some of his methods. He thinks her way of bringing peace is naive.

Tophs kids (and Tenzin to some extent) are the same :)

4) Yes! Katara is one of her waterbending masters. I feel like when you're an Avatar's Master, that's your role for life. She already knows how to train the Avatar. She, Zuko, and Toph taught Korra in the right order, and are old friends with her. Korra has already met the whole Gaang even if she doesn't see Toph or Zuko as often as she'd like

5) I usually choose not to give Sokka kids. I feel like he doesn't want to be a father (even though he'd definitely be the best at it). He and Suki work too hard and have agreed they just aren't super interested in kids. He and Suki are full time Aunt and Uncle to all of the Next Gen. Now, ive made some OCs for asks and I'd say that they do get along :)

6) Bumi and Tenzin's relationship is ROUGH in this story, but yes, they do. It takes a while but eventually they're only mildly hostile with each other. Tenzin helps Bumi reconnect with Air Nomad culture, and Bumi helps him commune with the spirits better. This is jumpstarted by Korra.

7) Korra does keep communication with her past lives! But her path to being a fully realized Avatar is much more difficult. The decision to raise her in a compound was a mistake, and so her growth as an avatar is severely set back. This means, she speaks to her past lives when they reach out to her (and she's in tune enough to listen). Aang is not easy for her to talk to, but eventually she masters it. She doesn't really tell anyone because she's scared everyone will then only want to talk to aang, not her.

8) First of all: for atla, i write very particular cultures and geographies to expand the universe. They affect things in only minor ways for the most part in atla. Also, Aang is trans. I love it too much for it to not be true (if youre wondering how he had kids he made deals with spirits)

Now for tlok. In my opinion, it's very necessary for the different conflicts to not have clear starts and ends. These should all be interweaving conflicts that everyone's caught in the middle of. Not only does this facilitate a lot more character interactions, but it also builds stress and feels realistic.

Mako and Bolin are former triad members and pro athletes, they should be rougher around the edges. Also, Mako would NEVER EVER become a cop after seeing the direct damage they cause marginalized communities. I think that perspective would be very important for korra as an avatar.

Season two plotlines should just be a civil war between north and south. Tbh, I'm not digging all of the subtle ways the north takes over the south, and I imagine the south isn't either. They separated from the north for a reason, and then during the war, the north didn't even help them. The tensions were rising and Aang never came up with a good long term solution when he was alive, and that affects Korra.

Season three's plotline can mostly stay the same except there is no harmonic convergence that introduces new airbenders. The airbenders are the group that they are. They're travelling the earth kingdoms doing peace talks since much of the earth kingdoms don't want to be under ba sing se. Particularly the Si Wong Desert. Aang was in active peace talks when died and was never able to come up with a long term solution.

Season four is also mostly the same except no mechs or spirit nukes.

All the while the equalists are raging on at home.

ANYWAY. thanks for the ask! I hope you see this after i posted it SOOOO late.

See the pattern? Korra must fill aang's shoes while also dealing with all of his unfinished business. Every character serves a unique perspective that helps inform korras decisions.

I dont think these ideas are perfect and the only way to write Korra, but I think they make sense. They help tell a story Im more interested in.

[jojo-schmo]

My old Good Omens art from 2019-2020!! :O (In somewhat chronological order)

In the interest of sharing my art in one place, I thought I'd revisit this era of my art! I made much more traditional art at the time. But I like thinking about the evolution of my skills over the past few years.

Director's commentary below:

I believe the first four images are from 2019, when the first season of GO came out. Boy, did that show come out at a good time for me! I was in a deep art slump that had lasted for a few years at that point. Long story short, because of untreated depression and a chronic illness that brought me physical pain, I didn't get everything I wanted to get out of college classes and I was deeply self-conscious of my skill level. I knew I wanted to tell stories but I was frustrated that I seemingly couldn’t make my ideas come to life at all.

Being alive was very difficult for me at the time and I was fighting my own dark and negative thoughts that I directed towards myself constantly. I didn't see a psychiatrist until the Spring of 2020, and only then did things start getting better. If I had to describe it, it's like a storm in my head finally cleared. The weight on my shoulders lightened up a lot. I had enough mental clarity to gain more self-awareness and really work on myself. And that included my art. And it shows a little in the last few drawings.

(Side note, I am much, much better now. Medication and ongoing therapy has completely changed the quality of my life. I am very happy to be here!)

Anyway, I was making efforts to get better at drawing after college by taking Aaron Blaise's online art classes. (Side note, his class on drawing human anatomy helped me immensely!!) But it was just the beginning of a long art improvement journey!

But I see the stiffness and insecurity that was still present in my art from that time. Whenever I shared it on Twitter (which was my main social media at the time) I'd be lucky to hit ten notes. It didn't bother me all the time, but it did get discouraging as time went on. Until one day I decided to just deal with it. Whatever the reason was that nobody was seeing my art- whether it was due to the Twitter algorithm or if my art was just not appealing enough. I was going to keep drawing. If nobody clicked the like heart on my art, fine! I was going to keep throwing it into the void anyway and see what sticks. If it got ten likes or one I tried not to care as much.

My transition from drawing what I thought other people wanted to see, to drawing what made me happy, made a huge difference. Likes and reblogs do feel really good, but I'm happy to hear even what one person likes about my work. I try to keep that mindset with me as much as I can. And I'm not perfect at it. But it helps me a lot.

Of course that transition in my mindset was gradual. Took place over a few years. But I realized lately that I have a confidence in my art that I've never had before. And I'm really happy about that!!

All this to say, whether you've been drawing/writing for ten years, one year, or a few months, it's always nice to remember where you came from and far you've come.

Looking back, I wish I could tell my past self that her best was yet to come. And I still have a long way to go but I'm excited to see what I can make in the coming years!

If I had one preachy piece of advice to offer as a final note, remember that the ability to draw and write is an awesome skill to have. A skill that not every human being has. But a skill that can be developed and cultivated over time if nurtured. It's a beautiful thing to me, to be able to create something that didn't exist before. Something that only you can bring to life. And while it might not resonate with everyone who sees it, it might resonate with one person. And I love that. So when you can, create things that make you happy, the happiness might just be contagious to its viewers. <3

...I think I should draw some more Good Omens sometime soon. I miss those guys and they are dear to me :)

[grelleswife]

Hi! I wanted to ask your opinion on why you enjoy Kuroshitsuji if it isn’t too much to answer. Recently I have been feeling like I’m being ‘punished’ for enjoying Kuro because I always see people talking bad about it and Yana on twitter. 😅 I am well aware Kuro has a lot of issues but I really enjoy the characters and such but the opinions of people about the series kind of has been hurting me as a fan and thus I have been losing interest🥲 I was hoping I can talk to someone who is a fan of Kuro that can help give me some mindset or something. I have been drawing for Kuro for years so I’m quite passionate towards the series and Yana herself and but this has been bugging me. If you can’t answer this it is totally okay and you can delete this ask❣️

Hi, anon! That’s not too much at all! My apologies for the late response; I wanted to make sure I could sit down to properly get my thoughts in order before answering.

My love for Kuro was originally (and is to this day) rooted in the source material. The manga and anime introduced me to some of my most beloved fictional characters, including Miss Grelle—as attested to by my url! 😉 The story instantly had me hooked with its campy hijinks, tragic undertones, and forays into the dark corners of the human psyche. Even with the current lag in pacing, I’m excited to see where the Phantomfam’s adventures take us next! And, of course, I would be remiss without mentioning the artwork. In a visual medium like manga, aesthetics can make or break your enjoyment of a series, and Kuro’s Victorian steampunk flair is perfectly suited to my tastes, especially with the steady improvement in quality as Yana’s honed her craft over the years.

However, particularly during this dry season of short chapters and plodding plot progression, it’s the community that grew up around Kuro that nourishes my love for it the most. Naysayers condescendingly sneer that the fandom is dead, but the incredible art, funny memes, awesome animations, excellent fics (some of which outshine published novels I’ve read), insightful meta and more that I see across my dash and in the tags suggest otherwise. And when we come together (such as during past fandom weeks or @anewp0tat0 ‘s recent event to celebrate the 200th chapter) that display of talent burns even brighter. As a writer, building up lore in headcanons and fic or reading my mutual’s creative interpretations of Yana’s world is just as fun—if not more so—than engaging with the actual manga. That enrichment alone is enough to keep me invested in the Kuroverse for the foreseeable future.

The series also holds considerable sentimental value for me because it served as the catalyst for my queer awakening and brought friends and loved ones into my life who I would never have met otherwise. Even if the day comes when I put Kuroshitsuji on the shelf in favor of other stories, that positive impact will remain.

However, that doesn’t mean that the series or fandom are perfect. Yana’s sleazy past and irresponsible pandering to the gross side of the fandom are an unpleasant reality with which we must contend, as are the fujoshis, transphobes, and other creeps—some of whom proved to be a genuine danger to minors—who continue to give us a bad name. But those people who blindly label Kuro as wholesale trash and accuse all fans of condoning the problematic content merely betray their simplistic, black-and-white way of thinking. We cannot and should not sweep the objectionable aspects of the series under the rug, but we can interact with Kuro critically—recognizing and calling out the areas in need of improvement while also cherishing the best parts of this cursed butler manga. As long as you’re consuming media responsibly, and in a way that doesn’t actively harm others, then you have no reason to feel guilty. You sure as heck don’t deserve to be punished!

Ignore the haters as best you can, and try to focus on what first ignited your passion for Kuro; don’t let those jerks steal your joy. 😤 Alternatively, if you need to take a break from that onslaught of negativity and just rest for a bit, that’s fine, too! There’s no shame in stepping away to recharge, and you shouldn’t push yourself to participate in fandom if doing so is detrimental to your well-being.

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having a tough time over on the bird app, but I hope my answer was helpful and that Kurohell can continue to be a happy, welcoming place for you! 🖤

[bookshelf-dust]

Just wanted to let you know that your work is fucking awesome! I'm currently writing a Eddie x reader fic and wanted to include Gareth and stumbled upon your fics while I was looking for some kind of inspiration. And now I kinda fell in love with this curly haired guy due to your awesome fics! Thank you so much! 💕

Also, may I request something short and fluffy? I had some rough weeks and would die for some cute and funny comforting fic. Maybe reader had some bad grades and her parents are terrorising her about that and her best friend left her because "she was lame" and Gareth found her somewhere in the halls nearly crying because everything is too much and he tries to comfort her and make her laugh again?

Sending lots of love. 💕

good enough

gareth emerson x fem!reader

word count: 1,554

warnings: reader has fight with mother/fight with friend, loneliness, anxiety, one mention of being drunk, fluff, comfort

a/n: hi sweetheart!! i’m so happy that you enjoy my gareth stuff. thank you so much for reading them and for your request! i’m so very sorry that you’ve had a shitty couple of weeks, but i hope that maybe this will make you feel a little better! sending lots and lots of hugs your way. <333

————

“So you just weren’t going to show us until I had to berate you about it? Huh?”

Your mother’s voice is shrill where she stands in front of you. Your father sits across from you at the dining room table, reading the notes your teacher left on your essay.

“I didn’t realize I had to show you every assignment I turn in.”

She exhales loudly and you refuse to look at her. “You do when you receive a grade like that! I thought you were good at this subject.”

Your knee starts to bounce.

You are good. You’re just struggling right now. With this particular instructor, with the class itself—it’s taking a lot out of you.

Not that she’d know that.

Not that she ever asks or would want to know how you actually feel.

Your mother turns to face her husband. “You haven’t got anything to say?”

Your dad takes his glasses off and looks up. “The notes say that there are strong points, but that there are things to be adjusted.”

He turns his head, making eye contact with you. “You can improve.”

He says it both as a fact and a question.

You nod, chewing on your nails.

He’s always been the softer of your parents, but your mother is always very quick to make everything about herself.

Well if you’re doing badly in school, then I must be a bad mother. What will others think if they find out you’re a failure?

“Did you try your best with this?” He asks you.

“I did,” you start. “This material has just been hard on me.”

He turns to face his wife now. “See? She’s trying, honey. You’ve got to give her a chance.”

“Well, she’s not trying hard enough. School was perfectly easy for me.”

That is the end of that, you decide. You can’t listen to her speak as if you’re not in the room anymore. You get up and leave for your bedroom.

————

You sit on the edge of your bed, sinking in on yourself. You want to call Gareth. You know even the mere sound of his voice will help you feel better.

But he’s got Hellfire tonight. He’s not home. Although you contemplate calling anyhow, because if you do, his mother will answer, and she’s always been so sweet and open with you.

You decide against it, but you really need to talk to someone. Anyone. About anything.

You think you want to call Mel.

Melissa Thompson was your very best friend. She had been for the past couple of years, and you’d felt safe around her.

Though lately, she’d been coming up with excuses not to hang out with you. She had studying to do, she’d say. She had to babysit her little cousin.

And you had this feeling. This awful feeling that really it was that she didn’t like you anymore.

She was changing, ready to graduate and move on to bigger things. Ready to make new friends.

You were afraid of change.

But now, you find yourself fidgeting with a string on your quilt as the phone rings and even more aggressively when Melissa answers.

She audibly sighs when she realizes it’s you on the phone.

You wanted to talk, but that gives you a clear sign that she doesn’t want to, and suddenly you’re very frustrated with the fact that you’re seemingly not good enough for anyone.

“Let’s hurry this up then, huh, Mel?” You exclaim.

None of this felt fair. You were not a child and you didn’t appreciate being treated like one.

“Have I done something wrong?” You ask.

When Melissa responds, you can hear what you think is a smile in her voice.

“I’m sorry. You’re just…you’re lame, Y/N.” Your breath hitches. “When’s the last time you came out with me?”

All she ever wanted to do anymore was find a party so she could get drunk and fit in.

“When’s the last time we went shopping?”

All she ever wants is to wear something to impress a boy.

“You just sit around, or you go watch that boy practice for his band. You have no life. And frankly, I don’t really want you in mine anymore.”

You don’t have it in you to fire something back, but you don’t want to leave it like this.

“Well you know what, Mel? Not everyone spends their time trying to please other people or be normal. So fuck you, then.”

You hang up, and bury yourself in your bedding, letting the tears come as they please.

You want Gareth.

————

When you wake the next morning, the feelings from the previous night follow you into the kitchen, where your mother doesn’t speak to you.

And then on the way to school. During school, when you speak with your teacher and come away feeling like a failure because apparently, you hadn’t looked closely enough. Hadn’t analyzed well enough.

They follow you to lunch too, though that’s where you lose it.

You see Melissa in the courtyard and everything comes crashing down. Every feeling from last night and this morning bears down on you.

It feels like you’re surrounded, like the reminders of your wrongdoings are everywhere, and you pack up your things and rush inside.

You’re pacing back and forth at the end of the hallway, somewhere you think you can be alone since everyone else is doing who-the-fuck-knows-what on their lunch break.

Gareth leaves the cafeteria to head for the vending machines, which, rather than be in the lunchroom, are in a separate location a little ways away.

Exactly near where you’re fighting a breakdown.

He spots you, and picks up the pace. He hasn’t seen you in days.

“You thinkin’ Skittles or Starburst today?” He inquires, assuming your contemplating a snack.

Gareth’s voice makes you jump, and he catches it. You turn around, and he looks you over, seeing how glassy your eyes are.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You soften at his presence.

“It’s nothing,” you tell him.

“Hey, no. We aren’t doing that.” He puts his hands on your shoulders and they’re warm.

Your eyes well up further at his words, the fact that he wants to listen, that you know he’ll be there for you, and then they’re clouding your vision so much that you can’t see him anymore.

They spill over.

Gareth takes you into his arms, wrapping them around your shoulders. He’s never seen you like this. He never wants to see it again.

“You know you can talk to me. I know you know that.”

He rubs your back up and down and up and down. You bury your face in his neck. He smells like syrup—you bet he made pancakes for his sisters this morning—and this soft cologne that he wears and very faintly of cigarettes.

Eventually you pull back, and before you can wipe your face, Gareth does it for you.

You take a deep breath.

“My mom got pissed at me last night because I didn’t do well on Click’s essay and she chalked it up to being because I’m not trying hard enough. Because school was easy for her and basically that means I’m a fucking dumbass, right?”

“And then I wanted to call you but you had Hellfire, so I called Melissa, though you know how she’s been,” you stop for a second, your voice breaking, and then you continue. “And she said I was lame, that she didn��t want me around anymore.”

“So I’m just overwhelmed and I feel like Im not good enough for anyone anymore. And I wanted you so bad last night but you were busy and then when you weren’t busy I didn’t want to burden you with my feelings either.”

When you’ve finished, Gareth rubs his hands up and down your arms. He seems to do that when he knows your upset, the rubbing.

“Your mom’s being an ass about the essay,” he says. “School’s not the same for everyone and I’m sorry that she said that. But you are not a dumbass, you hear me? I know how hard you try. I see it.”

You look away from him and he presses his first two fingers gently against your cheek, turning your face back to him.

“And I never liked Melissa anyways. She’s an asshole for not seeing how good of a friend you are and how lucky she was to have you in her life. And you’re totally not lame. You’re a badass.”

That makes you smile. Just enough that Gareth does too.

“Also I don’t ever want to hear you say you don’t want to burden me with your feelings ever again. You literally couldn’t.”

You nod repeatedly, as if assuring yourself, and then look into his eyes.

“I just want you to know that you’re good enough for me. You always have been,” he tells you.

You grin at him, albeit a little sadly. You’re feeling over the moon for him. He thinks you look sweet.

“Come sit with me?”

“Sure.”

Gareth presses a kiss to your forehead like it’s something he does everyday, and then he’s taking your hand, leading you towards his friends.

And you feel like it’s going to be okay.

You know it will. And he’ll make sure of it.

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

[epitomees]

What's something you wish to improve?

What are your biggest (personal) Tumblr crushes?

Questions for the mun

What's something you wish to improve?

((Oh there's a lot I can still improve on both as a writer and as a mun too. I think one thing I want to work on more is reaching out to new followers, or even mutuals whom I've never interacted with since I followed them. Lately it's been difficult on my end due to IRL situations coming in the way, and in turn making me kind of isolate away from others since I want to take care of myself more. That in turn has affected me trying to start conversations with new people, or old people I've never talked to before.

It's all about managing my time to myself and when I want to chat with other people. I know, and I understand VERY WELL, how anxiety-inducing it is to strike up a chat with a new follower to try and plot something out. That's why I always tend to try and be the one who reaches out first, because well...I'm a big ole extrovert and I just want to make new friends whenever I can! So I want to adopt all the introverts here, be as friendly as I can, all while I'm still maintaining my own mental/emotional health and taking care of myself when I need it.))

What are your biggest (personal) Tumblr crushes?

((Oh PERSONAL you say...okay well, there are a few I can name off!

For starters, you are definitely one of them, Lea. When I first dipped my toes into Persona RPC, and well before I even made a Persona blog, you were one of the first blogs to follow me and interact with me over on the Vivi blog. I remember how excited I was when it happened because I saw so many other blogs mention your blog and how great it was and how cool the mun was so I felt ECSTATIC when you followed me! I had a really rad person following me and now I could throw my own muses at yours to see how well they meshed together. Lo and behold, you're just as much of a nerd as me and I love you so so much!

Then there's @darckcarnival! My meme husband, the meme father, the big green teddy bear, he is LITERALLY one of the best friends I have ever made by being in the Tumblr RPC. I was still a little newbie at Tumblr RPC when we first interacted with each other, and MAN I can remember way back when how nervous I was to start talking with him because he was another well-known blog in the community we were in. And then ONCE AGAIN, I come to find out he's just a sappy, lovey-dovey, mushy nerd who adores his friends and needs to be shaken around a little bit. It's been well over 10 years now since we've known each other, and I still feel so lucky I get to call him one of my closest friends.

Lastly, for now as I don't want to make this post long, there's @townofcadence!! Love, love, love, LOOOOOOOOVE TRISTAN!!! I love this mun so so much, and you have no idea how happy I was to find out he was still hanging around Tumblr and writing on a different blog. This is a mun I've known for a very long time too, back in the beginning of the very first MSA days. Tristan is an absolute sweetheart, with a kind personality and a very friendly demeanor. Not to mention, GOD HIS WRITING IS BOMBASS AWESOME!! I remember the times we stayed up REAL LATE at times because we were writing these REALLY intense threads, making the dashboard and other blogs scream at us, but it was SO WORTH the little sleep we got that day. He also inadvertently helped me develop and improve my own writing style, without me even realizing it. So GO GIVE HIM A LOT OF LOVE!! HE DESERVES ALL OF IT!!!))

[yuukei-yikes]

You make me want to rewatch the anime...wonder if i can force my husband to watch it with me(he showed me it but it was like...highschool its been sooo long)

Since everyone has autism/hj? Do u have any headcanons for special interests?

I FUCKING LOVE THIS ASK also husband?? HUH?? KAGEFANS ARE MARRIED ALREADY??? huh...well...kagepro IS 12 years old HUH...HAHAHA *holds head* (happy late kageversary, btw)

everyone is autistic. yeah.

ayano's is 1000% all the superhero shit. comicbooks. i like to think of her as a huge spiderman fan. i think she'd love the guy. BUT YEAH comicbooks, superhero franchises in general lol

kido's is music! i imagine them as the kind of person who basically studies a whole album when it comes out LMAO i also think theyre the kind to be embarrassed abt talking a lot so theyre probably online a lot and is instead active in there. they rotate hyperfixating on different bands but music in general <3 also i think they hyperfixate on cooking sometimes and they will just cook and cook and cook one thing after another. it used to be a problem when they only lived with 3 other ppl but now there's like 10 more and also haruka so <3 no more wasted food!!!!

fuckgn. seto. animals. ANIMALS. ANIMALS. ANIMALS. i love ppl with animal special interests bc its literally the fucking BEST thing to talk about ever. and mary is plants. theyre both into each other's things too so their talks are so awesomely autistic i think seto and mary just talk for hours and hours and are always asking each other questions and if seto had a long day marys just like tell me abt why birds are fun colors like blue but not other animals :) and seto's like :DDDDD

momo and kano..... hmmm.. everyone else's seems so obvious. but them... like i see momo getting hyperfixated with a ton of different shit always rotating from lets players to toy collecting to makeup to lost media and etc etc but i cant think of like the One thing. kinda same with kano i feel like his thing is that he doesnt know who he is or what he wants so he wouldnt even Have his one thing. i think he'd be super into makeup tho. bc thats awesome but not only cutesy makeup but like special effects insane kinda thing. hes like whoa ppl change so much without any powers......... lol special effects makeup artist kano real

takane. lol. god theyre all so fucking obvious. coding. and i love takane but programmer ppl are SOOOOOO ANNOYING god this bitch would be insufferable. but the autism makes it awesome so its ok theyre not annoying <3 obviously videogames too. UGH harutaka indie game developers is so real to me. also this one is more my hc but erm technician takane is real he is real to me <3 the dan out of wifi bc this bitch took apart the router AGAIN just bc they like looking at the insides. the dan is complaining until the wifi is back AND its faster bc takanes improving and hacking shit. she helps shintaro build his epic pc

shintaro ohhh mygod have u ever met a more autistic bitch than this. he is everything. music!!!! like kido!!!!!!!!! i think kido and shintaro are an underrated duo. in the novels they hang out so much. wait im getting off topic ERM pianist shintaro is real to me idc. also super into collectibles of anime figures lol. also videogames!!! and lost media. i think he'd be one of those people super excited that a secret burgerking commercial never translated from english was found (momo too, they bond over it)

hibiya with the doll making shit. doll costumizing. also psychology post-shitshow bc hes 12 and hes like whoa. this wasnt normal *studies abt how this will affect him and his friends* i talked abt this in a hibiya ask i got lol but yeah also his whole thing abt making dolls. ofc it comes from something creepy but i still think its a cute thing he knows how to do i think he'd love using his new smartphone to find out abt doll costumizing communities and he sews mini mekakushi dan for everyone <3

i bestow to haruka the autistic honor of dinosaurs. FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHHHH also art/drawing ofc. and cartoons/animation. ppl who like to draw like cartoons okay. he'd be into that. idk if into animating himself i rather see haruka as a painting kinda girl. AND OFC VIDEOGAMES. srry to harutaka again but harutakas autism coexists so harmoniously ...domestic harutaka... these bitches have NO real schedules and are staring at their computers drawing/coding for days. it stinks in there. they make an autistic game together born from their autistic and disabled love. heart<3

i cant think anything for hiyori so hiyori experts feel free to add. maybe idols n stuff!! back to music heh

[somedevlogs-idk]

Learn You a Game Jam: Pixel Edition - Devlog 09

It's Done!

Or rather, it was done a week ago but I was away from home with no access to the internet so couldn't get this out. But I did it!

In my last devlog I mentioned I added sound effects for when a person gets hit. I can't remember if I did this at the same time as that or not but I also made some of the objects play sounds when you pick them up, for example the doll's eyes kind of spin when you hold it so I gave it a buzzing noise, and one of the paintings plays a kind of white noise-y sound as it deforms.

Next up was level design. At this point it was getting pretty late, so I just turned the example level given as a png in the asset pack into a tileset. I hope to continue developing this game at least a little bit into the future, and this is definitely one area I hope to improve on, either by hand making a larger level or figuring out a random level generator I’m happy with.

The last things I added were a very basic title screen with options to play, view controls, and view credits. All three of those look like crap but the important part is that it works.

And we have a completed game! I’m really proud of how the game turned out considering I wasn’t able to make full use of the time allowed for the jam. Had I been able to use those 2 extra days to polish, I obviously could have released something better but all things considered I’m very happy with the finished product.

Also, since it’s been a week already, I’ve gotten feedback in the form of comments on the jam page, which has been great. It sounds like I pulled off the atmosphere really well, which was awesome to hear since that was one of the biggest things I wanted to focus on with this game. In past game jams I’ve usually focused more on the mechanics than the atmosphere, and often didn’t have time to add music/sound effects, so I found this was a good lesson in game feel.

The main criticism I heard was the difficulty that comes from how fast the help depletes, and is definitely going on the list of tweaks to be made in any future updates.

I think I’ve had this problem with every other game jam I’ve participated in, and every time I tell myself I’ll keep it in mind for the next game, and every time I forget. (and every time we kiss I swear I can fly) But for any other solo devs or small teams out there, especially if it’s a game jam where you can’t get other people to playtest:

Make your game to what you think is a good difficulty level, THEN MAKE IT TWICE AS EASY

I ALWAYS FORGET THIS!!!! IT IS MY CONSTANT DOWNFALL!!! You always know more about your game than your players, so you essentially skip the learning curve that every other player is going to have to go through. Now I just have to remember that for myself next time too.

All in all I really enjoyed this game jam and I felt like I learned a lot. I also haven’t done much game dev in the past few months so this was a great way to get me back into the groove with it. Like I said I hope to spend a little more time improving it in the future but for now this is the end of the devlog! If you’ve actually bothered to read this whole thing, thank you so much, almost this entire thing was written late at night in the “I should really go to bed but I just need to finish this up first” so apologies if it was a bit rambling or borderline incoherent at times. I really enjoyed this jam and I also really enjoyed devlogging my journey as well, and I hope you enjoy the game as well.

Play the game here!

Previous|

[changterhune]

FRONTIERS CHAT

On Monday Sept. 4 I did a livechat on Bandcamp during the FRONTIERS listening party. I’ve edited it for coherence. I hope it sheds some light on the music and me the music maker.

I will talk a little bit about what FRONTIERS is about. I'll split it into the meaning, then the music, then the recording unless it's still just me. Okay, so about the music itself. What I wanted to do was gather newer music I've been working on. My last 2 releases were of older - but still balls out awesome! - tracks. Since Jan '23 I've been working on both my recording and composing skills. Both have improved I believe.

I guess FRONTIERS is about 2 things: expanding your horizons and letting yourself groove. By that I mean allow yourself to explore and learn, educate and illuminate yourself. FRONTIERS for me encapsulates one of the few resolutions I've made at New Year's Eve and kept. And that was to get out of my own way. So that I could explore the frontiers.

With SUBTLE DISTINCTIONS I created something a bit lighter and peppier than my usual stuff. I hope. I think that's what the EP is about to be honest. HOPE. It's something I've not had a lot of lately. But over the course of this year things improved immensely and it seems like maybe there's some sunlight up ahead. What the songs on FRONTIERS have in common is they're all pretty upbeat, brighter in sound. I've been working on more space in my recordings and FRONTIERS is the newest and best example of that.

My tracks have always had a lot going on tho I came to realize they were sometimes muddy and unclear. I actually discovered that driving back from my sister-in-law's funeral in February. I was playing tracks for my wife on the drive back and half of them sounded muddy with a lot of the highs lost.

Of course a 2018 Subaru Forester isn't a great listening environment but it still sounded blech. When I got home I listened on my studio monitors and read up online and came to realize that I needed to up my recording game. So I did and I'm happy to say that not only I think they sound better but my beta listeners all agree they do. "Modal Auxiliary" is a great example of a lot of soundscaping and sound bed taking up space while the actual melodic/harmonic/ percussive stuff is up front. It was fun to craft it to mix the more ambient soundscape parts with the melodic ones. I reeeeeaaaaallly love how the last half of the song is pretty much just audio sludge.

SOMETIMES I do wonder if my outros are too long but that's what my beta listeners are for. They'll tell me if it is too long. And you can blame Autechre for that. After decades of their long, deconstructed endings it's one of my favorite things to do. Oh man that ambience at the end always gets me. "So CRT what's up with your titles?" Great question! OUTPATIENT is sort of about my time in an outpatient program. hence the name. Now that was a fun one, too, because the main synth parts are almost all Arturia plugins. The Buchla Music Easel is especially wild. 

This and INSECURITY can best be summed up as inspired by Meat Beat Manifesto. I got sick of A/B comparing my songs to MBM songs. I thought I was doing everything right but they still sounded weak. So I went to the woodshed so to speak (the real one is full of spiders), studied and I think this track and INSECURITY both slap about 60% as much as an MBM track. Okay 50% but still I just want to make big bangers sometimes ya know? Boom bapp beats, dub delays, noisey shit! What's funny to me is how all it takes is a little extra time and a little tweaking and then BOOM the track just opens up! Long ago a friend said it's all about panning & EQing which I came to find is 2 out of 3. I'd say the 3rd part of that is gain staging. It's more technical than I want to get into now but it's made all teh difference in my mind. About 1/2 way through OUTPATIENT there's a big long ambient part that I sometimes wondered was too long. Now I think it works as a break between the two parts. A… frontier if you will.  After 6 minutes in the track is basically a long slow fadeout lol I love how it all combines into this weird, glitchy thing where all the loops go in and out then come together. The noise gets big and brash then slowly washes out. The last 2 minutes are a nice bit of ambience themselves. I even thought about breaking it into 2 tracks but they don't work either alone or as a shorter track. You need to hear the whole damn thing to get the entire idea. Imagine being only shown one square foot of the Sistine Chapel at a time? Okay my work isn't on the par of Michelangelo but you get what I mean.

Now INSECURITY was actually never supposed to be on an album. It's a track I started then used as my guineau pig for teaching myself about recording. And in the end it ended up sounding pretty dope. When I sequenced this ep I was surprised how well it worked with the other tracks. And that beat is straight up MBM. Boom boom bapp! Well kinda.  I have become obsessed with one section of this song at about 4:15. This break came out so smooth. Last for almost a minute. Almost as funky as Funky Drummer! And the buildup after works nice too I think. I will say I'm considering 2 followups to FRONTIERS. One will be a remix and the other will be an ep exploring what separates frontiers... Well I hope I've enjoyed learning a bit more about FRONTIERS and my methods. Or madness. 

- CRT

[bonesandthebees]

hi there! i've never sent an ask in before so i'm not entirely familiar with how it's supposed to be done, but here i go anyway lol

you are genuinely such a talented writer! anytime i read one of your works, new or old, i'm blown away by just how well it flows and how authentic and consistent the characters are. as someone who also writes fanfiction that is an incredibly useful skill, and one that i really love to see in others work because it makes it so easy to become engrossed in the characters and the storyline and feel like you're right there beside them, experiencing the fictional world in tandem.

i'm writing this immediately after reading the latest chapter of a glass divine, and let me just say i'm adoring this fic already!!! sci-fi fics are my bread and butter and i absolutely love seeing the worldbuilding that has already been laid out especially with the religion aspect that is going on in a glass divine. the worldbuilding is very distinct from anything else i've read, especially regarding the pythia and all of the regulations surrounding him--from the blindfold to having to leave his name behind when he took up the old pythia's mantle. i imagine that it must have been a really hard transition for the pythia when he was young (especially seeing some of the flashbacks in the latest chapter, it seemed like he was taken against his will).

as well as the history of the deathlings--i think it's so cool!!! they've all got such cool cybernetic enhancements (just thinking about them gets me really excited because i think engineering is really really awesome dskjdfjgsdff) and i think it was really cool to include how the cybernetics, while they are enhancements and can make one stronger, aren't always perfect and can sometimes even prove to be a hinderance (especially when it comes to tommy's cybernetic lungs. sam mentioned that they weren't his best work because he was in a hurry, and while they do operate well, they aren't perfect.) as is with all machines--none are perfect, since they are constantly improving and evolving, and as time goes on and newer, more efficent ones are created, the older ones will become less and less relevant (again, seeing as tommy said they'd worked for him "all these years" makes me wonder just how old the lungs actually are. and on another note, even if they were sam's best work at the time, after so long they'd be outdated as he might have found ways to build a more efficent set of lungs later on.) it also makes me curious as to why tommy would need them in the first place, though i suppose i'll just have to wait and see to find that out!

the next fic on my reading list is stars, which i read the first few chapters of forever ago but fell behind on reading for some reason. i'm super excited to read it!!

but anyway those are all my rambles for now lol. hope you have a great day :D

-⚡️(i'm putting an emoji down just in case i send another ask in the future lmao. i hope no one else has used this one)

Oh thank you so much this is so sweet!! It means so much when people point out character consistency because that’s something I put a lot of effort into. I love figuring out how to keep a character true to their original form while throwing them into so many different worlds and changing parts of them accordingly. It’s just such a fun exercise for my writing skills.

(Also for posterity this ask was sent before I posted chapter 5 of glass sorry for late answer)

I’m so glad you’re enjoying glass so far!! It’s such a fun world to play around in. I’ve always wanted an excuse to worldbuild some heavy fictional theology, and I’ve also always been fascinated by the concept of oracles/prophets in fiction. Fun fact, the original inspo for glass came from an OG story I came up with years ago based off a dream I had about an order of priestesses who received visions of the future from their goddess. Anyway I’ve had a very fun time throwing that into a cyberpunk setting and playing around with the sci fi elements and connecting it to the religious themes

Oh it was definitely a hard transition for the Pythia and we’ll learn more about what he went through soon

I’m having such a fun time with the cybernetics. One of my favorite parts of cyberpunk worlds are cybernetics, but I get annoyed when it’s often treated like just a normal limb/organ when it’s still a prosthetic replacement. Just because it’s high tech doesn’t mean it’s perfect! I definitely have taken some ideas with the difficulties for the cybernetics from FMA and how it handles automail. While automail is a fantastic mechanical prosthetic, it still comes with issues which we see talked about in the show/manga. Going into cold weather is dangerous, his automail gets destroyed regularly, he has phantom pain from his lost limbs, etc. It’s not perfect and that’s what I love about it. So I’m trying to convey a similar idea with the glass cybernetics.

You’re completely right about the lungs. Even if they were Sam’s better work, technology is constantly advancing. They’re out of date even if they were done with more time and materials at hand. You’ll find out more about why he got them soon enough :)

Oh I hope you enjoy stars!! It’s certainly a ride lol

Welcome to the anon club!