#been nauseous all week!
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getting rejected by my first grad school was not enough ive also been fucking cursed
#personal#the captain goes down with his scholarship#for those playing along at home! was too stressed about first grad school notification this week so ive not slept more than 4 hrs a night!#been nauseous all week!#didnt get into my top school (its fine its just the addition of everything else)#due to the sleep issue ive also been Hella Behind On Shit#my phone is fading fast and will now ABSOLUTELY NEED TO BE REPLACED THIS YEAR (yaaaaaay)#and now for my final tmi: a portion of my toe nail has fallen off (no pain or blood? i guess i just bandage it until it grows back??? idk??#man FUCK the month of february
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quick lmhs itafushi because god help me i have Not been able to get the concept of yuuji smiling/laughing into kisses out of my head
jjk atla!au with @philosophiums
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itadori yuuji#fushiguro megumi#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#yuuji#megumi#jjk atla!au#atla!au: art#lmhs#shade skin with green without making the characters look Nauseous challenge#...success???? i mean i sure HOPE success :'>#i blocked in a green (bc lmhs i...usually block in a green...) but then i thought. i will try putting hints of it on the skin Also#and i like it !!! i fr one do not think they look seasick#i love lmhs itfs because the colour scheme is so Earthy (pun intended). moss green... warm browns... my beloveds <333#but even more than that#i love love loVE. drawing yuuji looking at megumi like he is all that exists in the world#bc i Also look at megumi like he is all that exists in the world#also im sure this is a common artist thing to have designated Spots fr characters when drawing them interacting#like fr me . normally when i draw itfs interacting in any way (read: smooching) i default to putting megu on the Right#so this admittedly threw me a bit GHSGJ#anyway!!! i realized it has been a whole WEEK since my last lmhs itfs and that simply will not stand.#my quOTA D: D: D: my self imposed QUOTA#i am going to get a bad grade in long term passion project :( sam is going to kill me and then Fire me#speaking of sam i shant say much but yuuji is currently experiencing The Horrors(tm) in draft1 so he can have a distraction :3 my treat#one of us has to be nice to him and it seems it is my turn#anyway i amn eepyyyy goodnight smile :)
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Been sick throughout the week, but I still tried to draw at least a bit 😤
#yugioh#ygo#my art#yami malik#malik ishtar#ryou bakura#yami bakura#yugi mutou#I've been feeling nauseous all week and looking at the screen just made it worse but I wanted to draw SO BAD ughhhh...
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It’s time to make coasters from a bunch of HSTs from the box of scraps I got!
I’m aiming for 4” ish square, and I’m making A Bunch so I can give them to my endocrinologist’s entire staff because they have hugely improved my quality of life. Like. By leaps and bounds. I’d make them all full quilts if I knew how many people worked there but that’s maybe a little much so quilted coasters it is! And maybe some quilted mug cozies!
#sewing#sewing wip#scrap management#coasters for endocrinology#I had a stress related flare up yesterday#that got to the point that would (prior to my current meds) take me like 2-6 weeks to recover from#and I am fine! mildly sore and I’m pushing water and salt a bit today to be on the safe side#but I’m not dizzy or shaky or nauseous or exhausted#as soon as I took my evening dose of steroids yesterday I was fine!#tired but fine and able to rehydrate with no problem at all#which is an absolutely phenomenal difference and I am so so grateful to this endocrinologist#who is my FOURTH endocrinologist#but somehow the first one EVER to bother to test my SED rate and for autoimmune antibodies#it’s been twelve years but hey at least he’s doing the tests#and the funny thing is it’s looking increasingly like my problem is not endocrine related like I thought it was#anyway he’s the best and I am envious of his flannel shirts
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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genuinely had one of the proudest moments of my life today and rocked a really hard orchestra solo that ive spent a month and a half worrying about and practicing 12 hours a week for :) wanted to tell you all
#i was so nervous about it that I’ve been nauseous and vomiting for several weeks#but i listened to a recording and i sounded amazing#and i am so proud that i got up on stage anyway despite how scared i was#and that i sounded fantastic for it#and my parents and all my friends were there and were blown away
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#it was a great meeting! went well#but by the time I got on the first bus to get home#i started getting kayoed#all I could do by the second bus was fight to stay awake and breathe steadily through nausea waves long enough to#recognize my stop and get off and walk the rest of the way home#I’m wiped out so much my eyes keep having to fight for their lives to focus on my work and I’m working from a lying down position#because I am That Wiped Out and that nauseous#I haven’t felt this nauseous in weeks#I was too bold with the toasted bagel at my meeting#and I stayed at the meeting too long and overspent my energy#when will I learn these lessons for good#i haven’t been hit this hard in a WHILE I don’t miss it#health#shh Katie#anyway. live and learn and I’m glad I went regardless
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I had an Isaac run where it was so stressful my heartrate was at a 145bpm and it persisted for 6 hours. After that, like every day that followed, my heart would just suddenly shoot up to 120-140bpm for an hour if I so much as thought about something I've been stressing over recently. Everybody encouraging me to go to the ER. And I'm just like "Oh please I've actually always been like this, I'm fine." Had to chop down my Adderall dosage. But I swear I've felt like this since high school, but I guess the medicine enhances the feeling and that feeling was ANXIETY.
So, suffice to say, playing The Binding of Isaac™️ almost gave me a heart attack.
#and its not the adderall thats just inducing the heartrate#cause i only got prescribed adderall this year#dad got diagnosed with afib when i was still in school. he rushed himself to the hospital with mom while i was taking a test#i was like what the heck where did you guys go and mom said oh dad was having a heart attack or something and we didnt want to bother you#like WOULDNT YOU TELL YOUR CHILD OH MAYBE YOU WONT SEE YOUR FATHER AFTER WE GO TO THE HOSPITAL BUT FINISH YOUR EXAM BABY#that was like 2020 and we have a couple of those oxygen readers for your fingers and it measures your heartbeat#i out one on for fun im just sitting there at the dinner table and my heartrate was at 120#like i didnt do anything we been stuck at home because pandemic and we just having a nice dinner#and my heartbeat was just thats my resting heartrate. they told me to try the blood pressure thing#average blood pressure but truly my heartbeat was just vibing at 120. mis padres were like oh no maybe you have afib too#babes youre too young to have that. and i jsut said oh is that what it means when im nauseous and have to lie down#i havent been diagnosed with anything. i suspect is tachycardia but no official thing#although i havent seen a cardiologist. what if we pay to get a screening and its nothing#i dont want to go thru all that and let it be nothing. lets wait until its a real problem#when my brother and his family visited just like what two weeks ago he was like#he was sitting on moms exercise bike and said it reads your heartrate#and it did you put your hands on the handle and it reads yer pulse#i told him like oooh let me try. hey brother my resting heartrate is 120 a lot. and hes like. what. get on this thing#and i get off the couch literally resting and lay my hands on the handles#and we see it go up. from 80 to 90 to 100 to 110 to 120 and hes a nurse and my moms a nurse and he says go upstairs and rest#dont hang out here with the kids. and im like ha i already told mom#he said sit there for ten minutes dont do anythingg and were trying again#he got mom to call our doctor and my doctor said to stop taking the adderall which is NOT IDEAL theres worse repurcussions to stop cold#so i cut mine in half. cause i had a dosage of 20mg and i almost fainted at work. we died the dosage down to 15#but after all that i cut my 15 down to 7.5 cause hey i cant stop cold but i can ween myself#brother said i shouldnt be taking adderall if im not doing anything that requires focus. but im like i need focus to live man#look at how much ive been drawing...i mean its only in like hour long intervals but its productive#so theres that. i can feel my heartrate already up but i guess its just a thing with me...anywho#doodles#the binding of isaac
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I wanna frough up
#ideal scenario: I get hives overnight and cannot go to my math exam tomorrow#would that cause a couple of other issues? more than a couple but I think it’s the only way out tbh#and then while getting treated for hives I learn all of vector calc flawlessly#perfect plan goodnight everybody#it’s fine it’s fine I have all of 9:15 to 11am minus walking time to learn all of vector calc#so it’s fine and I’m not gonna throw up#just me stuff#delete later#sorrr my as per usual wgen im stressed this is my 1 vent place and I love to sum up my suffering in reaction image#I think the low poly pigeon really captures the nauseous and dread#the way I’m thinking of it is like this: my brain is a hamster wheel#and my hamster has been running very fast for the whole semester#then last week sometime my hamster stopped running#but the wheels still spinning and the hamsters stuck on the side with no hope of getting up because of the g forces#Is that what flux is used for in physics??????? idk I don’t get it#anyways the hamster isn’t perfect or doesn’t always spin the wheel im the right direction#but at least when it’s running I can do things#I feel like I can barely do anything right as of late#anyways goodnight#I need to go to bed I have a vector calc exam in the morning#let’s see if I actually sleep
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guys i'm about to get picked up for a date and i feel like i'm gonna hurl please wish me luck <3
#i have been nauseous all week so it's partially unrelated#but it sure is being exacerbated#personal#we are seeing one of my favorite bands and concerts so at least all is not lost#*in concert#edit: we made out in their car so i think it went alright
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i have GOT to stop eating things i'm allergic to these foods are not giving me energy all they're doing is making my tummy hurt
#allergic to eggs and gluten#but i had ramen like 6 times in the last week#the pms cravings got my ass#also allergic to vanilla and beans and pineapple and a handful of other things#it wont kill me but the fatigue and stomach pain really isnt worth#not to mention the nausea#i wonder sometimes if i don't have crohns disease at all and just have these food allergies#bc my endoscopy only showed mild inflammation#technically i have microscopic/indeterminate colitis but if untreated it evolves into crohns or uc#and so based on my symptoms they call it crohns and are treating it as crohns#anyway since the inflammation was on the microscopic level it's entirely possible that it's just food allergies#which is still autoimmune mind you#but has a much easier treatment than crohns does#and i've noticed since i stopped gaffing abt my diet again my stomach hurts im having diarrhea im nauseous#hell my joints and head hurt again too#BUT i also havent been taking my meds so idk#i should talk to my doctor but i dont like him#so idk what to do#it's whatever
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#personal just need to vent and this is my personal blog soo#been taking some medicine because of hormones related problems#and they are fucking heavy#I feel nauseous and have a bad headache all the fucking time#I can’t go to the gym because if I tire myself more than I should then I will pass out#screen time hurts my head so bad#only a day of university has me almost crying on the bus because my head hurts#and there’s three more weeks of this but I have to do it for my health (ironically)#I hate all of this#and I just read a fic that I knew I shouldn’t have read but still did out of curiosity#because I deal so fucking bad with character death#to all my mutuals who like crime and mafia and gore I am so sorry but I will never write it
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If things could stop going in exactly the wrong wrong direction that would be excellent
#m rambles#if I could trade all my years of good luck when I was younger to just be fucking normal I would#the latest in my series of unfortunate events:#decided to hire traffic lawyer for my ticket#traffic lawyer gets my info but never sends any follow up#today I got a fucking ‘failed to appear in court’#because apparently my lawyer didn’t do jack shit#and it’s just one more FUCKING thing#I don’t even know what the fuck to do now#this will probably fuck up my chances of getting my ticket dismissed#and I’m too paranoid to go for a lawyer again because if I fail to show up again they can put out a warrant for my arrest#im so nauseous#I really can’t deal with being alive anymore and I mean that in the most serious fucking way I can#if I had access to a gun or a garage I could lock myself in I would fucking do it#but I’m too terrified of being in pain to try any other way so I guess I live to see another sunrise tomorrow#just to go into work at a job I probably won’t have in a month’s time because of layoffs#to explain to my coworkers and my manager why I’m so fucking behind#and without a single bit of professional help because my therapist dropped me weeks ago and I’ve been stuck in a hole ever since#I’ve left my house less that 5 times in the entire month of October and yet I live in a fucking pigs sty#I sleep on the couch because I’m too tired to climb the stairs and all I can smell is the mold from my dishes#which literally had fucking maggots in it last time I looked at them#I think there’s black mold in my basement that I can’t clean and my fridge is going to mold soon because my water pitcher leaked#if I’d known when I was a kid that all those times where things just seemed to magically work out would lead to my life falling apart#I would have shut my goddamn mouth about getting a B in physics and dealt with it to prevent my life from becoming the shit show it is today
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google, how do I not be so so so so so scared of taking new medications that I make my whole situation worse before I even pick them up from the pharmacy
#//juri speaks#feeling big “[7th guest ghost voice] i want my mommyyyyy” energy lately#even though i know she's of the opinion that i just need to eat more vegetables#i want an adultier adult to help me make decisions and help me be normal#and on god do i want someone who can help me articulate things to a doctor#bc i always leave feeling like they have not focused on what i thought was the larger problem#but not sure how else i could have explained my symptoms to get them to understand#and i have not one but TWO prescriptions im supposed to try for a few weeks#and i havent even gone to pick them up yet and ive been so anxious all day i wanna cry#(i also wanna cry bc i am super nauseous again today and could hardly eat any lunch#which was annoying bc it was kind of pricey and i thought safe food being non-dairy)#anyway. would anyone like to trade bodies with me for a while?#i would love to feel normal for a bit. not like a stressed rabbit.
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One of the rudest things about lexapro withdrawals, at least in my case, is that even after you get the notification that your meds are ready to be picked up (finally, the angels are singing), you don't feel in a right state to even think about leaving the house, much less getting in your car and driving to the pharmacy and talking to the lady at the counter and drive all the way back home
#sword speaks#there was a disconnect between the pharmacy and my doctor's office#I've been off it for more than a week and I am Not Having Fun#(for those who don't know what that entails it feels like having the flu. I'm also constantly dizzy brain-fogged and have a headache)#i haven't been able to do much of substance all week#not even watch tv cause I can't focus on the plot for too long#and I wanted to use this time to do spring cleaning but so much as the thought of sweeping makes me nauseous#I had to take a breather after reheating some soup yesterday cause omg standing and the sensory overload was too much#and the only light that was on was my stove light! what bullshit!
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my whales are super fucking salty & this is a travesty & i am so upset :/
#( a pathological people pleaser // ooc )#(i've been nauseous on & off all day so i wanted to eat something that wouldn't re-trigger that)#(& i've had these whales for a couple weeks now yet to be opened & i finally did & they're like RIDICUOUSLY salty-)#(idk if it's just a bad batch or what but this sucks-)#nausea tw#nausea mention tw
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