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castiel-left-his-mark-on-me · 3 years ago

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Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖

#omg #I don't even know if this makes sense #this took way too long to write #j2 #cockles #long post #spn family #so glad you see you back again my dear #welcome to hell #it's hotter now

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struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor · 2 years ago

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Hi, I just wanted to quickly tell you how glad I am that I found your post where you said that you aren’t that interested in their solo careers and talked about your take on the hiatus thing because you really summed up all my thoughts and fears about what may be coming very well. I really feel the same way as you especially the last paragraph. It hit a little too close to home.

I've actually just been extremely sad since the announcement because I feel like an important part of my life has been taken away and I know how pathetic and embarrassing that must sound and especially since I‘m in my mid twenties but…. yeah. Maybe I’m just pathetic. I want to be happy for them, but it's just extremely hard when I feel like I'm falling by the wayside. and I am also just totally confused by what's suddenly going on because JK has recently mentioned again and again that he only feels really comfortable performing with his members and that he doesn't like to be on his own and then his recent vlive where he said that he wouldn't go on shows without the others but now this? It's all over the place somehow and the timing is so weird too because why would they announce something like this right now when they're promoting a new album? It totally overshadowed the album, which is probably one of the reasons why it scored so poorly. I just can't help but feel a bit bitter and disappointed about the way they handled it. And also, I am very confused about how little some of the members were affected about the whole thing. Like Tae for example always used to be so emotional back in the days but in the festa video it really looked like he didn't even care, same goes for some of the others. Sorry that I so randomly poured out my heart to you, I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

Hi! You're welcome, and thank you for finding my post. I was feeling alone in how I felt too! You can pour your heart out to me anytime. I don't have anyone to talk to about this either :)

Tbh, I was quite angry but I'm not anymore. I've moved on a bit. The day after the Festa dinner I couldn't sleep and I was feeling so empty and scared. Now I feel ready to embrace their solo projects. It helps that I remembered we didn't get any music for over a year, and that there were many times during the pandemic that I felt BTS were very absent. Now, we'll get more individual content, but Hybe will feel pressured to keep the OT7 brand alive (especially after their shares tanked with the break announcement), so we might be getting a lot more OT7 content than we think!

But it's okay if you're not there yet! I'm being hopeful now, but I know I'll start to miss them a lot when they inevitably become less active as 7. They still have schedules and content they've filmed, but soon they may be in different countries doing different things. I'm scared of losing their bond...

I've also become excited for Jungkook's solo career, as well as Jimin's. And I can't wait for D3. But I don't have the same amount of interest in all the members and I don't know how much I will enjoy their solo careers.

About Jungkook, it is weird how they never hinted at wanting to go solo. The stuff about being lost and confused, they've talked about before, but wanting to go solo or being lost collectively as a group was new. Had they shared feeling curious about doing solo performances and projects, then perhaps we would have been more prepared for this?

The timing is weird, because they sort of ruined Festa and they sabotaged Proof too. They didn't properly promote Proof, and even Army didn't hype it up as much as they could because it got caught up in the Festa schedule. It's like they didn't care about how Proof performed? It wasn't a priority for them. Had BTS announced their break before Proof came out, there would've been a lot more hype for Proof. It would've sold more, YTC would've broken records, etc. Proof should've been released before Festa too, and then Festa would've been some sort of goodbye. It was a goodbye for them, but not for us since we didn't know they would be saying "goodbye"...

The members' "lack" of reactions probably come down to the fact that they've been planning this since MOTS:7. This break was supposed to happen all the way back in 2020. The members have had plenty of time to prepare themselves for this and to process their feelings. Looking back, My Time is the kind of song that you'd write before announcing a break ("Can I someday finna find my time?"). Likewise, the rapline songs and Inner Child fit the theme of finding themselves and reflecting on how far they've come...

So, yeah, their lack of emotionality (in some members) is because this isn't news for them. They're already preparing their albums and have known all this for years... Unlike us, who were kind of blindsided...

Your feelings are perfectly valid! Don't worry about overreacting. I'm choosing to trust them. To trust that we won't loose them. But I know we will, to some extent. It was inevitable anyway... Right now I feel hopeful, but I still feel a bit empty when I picture the future ahead. Right now things haven't changed too much, but we know they will... It's the end of an era. It's okay to mourn it...

Thanks for the ask! Come talk to me anytime!

#ask #bts #thanks for the ask!#feel better <3

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catb-fics · 4 years ago

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Just feeling the need to post something fluffy to prove that I don’t just write utter filth! If you’ve read my other stuff posted elsewhere you might recognise this story as it’s an old fic I’ve adapted!

Falling For Your Best Friend (Van McCann) Part 1

Warnings: none (sweet and fluffy) / Word Count 2k

You'd known Van for years, you'd been at school together and you, Van and Larry had been inseparable back then. You'd always got into scrapes, skiving off school, sneaking off for a crafty fag instead of attending lessons and often winding up in detention.

Nowadays with Van's music career taking off it’s a far cry from those carefree days at school, but you’re grateful that your friendship has stood the test of time. You’re practically the band’s unofficial sixth member, even travelling round with them on tour when you can blag the time off work.

The band were just winding up a hugely successful UK tour which you hadn't been able to join them on and you were desperate to see Van. You'd missed him so much, the silly jokes you shared, the way you'd constantly tease each other and the laughs you had on your drunken nights out. And something else... his smile.

It was getting harder and harder to ignore, the little spark that had ignited inside you just before the lads had embarked on this most recent tour. It was absolutely ridiculous really, I mean Van was just.... Van! The daft, scruffy haired lad who would mercilessly tease you and send you silly selfies constantly when he was away. He was just a mate, nothing more.

So why does your heart skip a beat when you walk into HMV that afternoon to meet up with the boys after a fan meet and greet? You put it down to excitement at seeing your friend, but you can't ignore the way your cheeks flush when he glances over and catches your eye, his face lighting up as he gives you one of his cheeky grins and a wave. You wave back, ignoring the glares of some of the girls in the queue who are probably all wondering who this mystery girl is who's taken Van's attention. Because as you stand there you notice that his attention has definitely shifted. He glances over at you often, giving you a little wink or pulling a silly face. After a while you wander outside and light up a cigarette, trying to push your thoughts away from seeing Van in a different light.

"Alright Y/N!" There's no mistaking that voice and you whirl around to see him standing there, smile a mile wide on his face, eyes sparkling. Had his eyes always been so blue?

What was wrong with you? You push the thoughts away as Van steps over, arms outstretched to give you a hug.

"God I've missed you!" He says, pulling you close.

You feel yourself stiffen as his body presses up against you, noting the faint scent of his aftershave and the way the feel of his hands on your waist makes your heartbeat quicken.

"Alright soppy bugger, you're crushing me!" You laugh, pushing him away, and then you hurriedly step away to greet the other band members in turn.

You hug them all and there's excited chatter all around as they fill you in on some of the shows they've played and the crazy stories about the ridiculous pranks they like to play on one another on the tour bus, until Johnny announces loudly that if he doesn't get to the pub soon he'll surely die of thirst.

You all pile into the nearest pub, and you're pleased when Van pulls up a seat next to you whilst Benji and Bob take the orders and go off to the bar.

"So, how have you been? I was gutted you couldn't come with us this time. It's not been the same without you!" Van leans in close when he speaks, and you find yourself leaning back slightly.

"Yeah, things have been good. I've not really been up to anything exciting though. Just the usual crap, work, pub, you know."

It suddenly occurs to you how much your lives are travelling in opposite directions. There's Van with his band’s steady rise to fame, travelling the world, and in complete contrast here you are, destined to never leave Llandudno, stuck in a boring 9-5 office job. Van never seems to find your dull life boring though. Much as you try to play it down, he's always interested. You're soon chatting about life and for a while you forget all about your confusing feelings and just enjoy the company of your friend. That's until Benji puts a spanner in the works.

"Hey Van, tell Y/N about that crazy girl after the London gig! She was desperate to shag you!"

The lads immediately start laughing, Johnny letting out a loud wolf-whistle and nudging Van playfully. You feel your stomach sink instantly as your ears prick up at the mention of Van's possible involvement with a girl. You plaster a huge fake smile on your face as you notice Larry looking at you with a strange expression.

"Go on then, tell us all the gossip Benji," you say, trying to act like you want to hear, although what you really want to do is shoot out of your seat and disappear outside for a cigarette.

"Fuckin' shut it man!" Van laughs, then he looks at you. "It was nothing Y/N, just some girl turned up at my hotel room..."

"Yeah 'cause you slipped her your hotel room number after the gig!" Bob interrupts.

"Did I fuck!" Van cries, his eyes flicking to yours before he looks back at his band mates. "I reckon it was Bondy."

Johnny shrugs. "Thought I was doing you a favour mate, she was well fit!"

You let the lads' banter flow around you, smiling when you think you should, jeering along just like one of the lads, which at the end of the day is all Van thinks of you as.

"Who'd have thought it eh?" Larry's laughing. "Van-fucking-McCann a heartthrob! You couldn't pull to save your life at school. Remember Y/N, when he tried to chat up that girl from the year above? Kathleen wasn’t it?”

You force a laugh, regaling the lads with a tale of Van trying his hardest to charm a girl at school and completely embarrassing himself in the process, much to their amusement. Van just shakes his head and laughs along.

"Right youse lot, if you've quite finished I'm off to get a round in. What you all having?"

Everyone puts in their order whilst you sit quietly, studying the floor, considering whether to stay for another drink or go home. You don't think you want to hear any more tales about Van's growing army of female fans. It's been hard enough to read the comments on fan blogs whilst he's been away. You don't even notice that Larry's pulled up his seat right next to you until he leans forward, whispering into your ear quietly out of earshot of the others.

"That's a lovely shade of green you've gone Y/N," he says. "Kinda matches your t-shirt!"

"What the hell you on about?" You hiss back.

Larry just looks at you with a knowing smirk on his face. "Jealous are ya?"

"Get fucked!" You shoot back at him, and he raises his eyebrows, opening his mouth to say something else but stopping as Van returns, carrying a tray laden with pints of lager.

You feel anxious all of a sudden. If it's obvious to Larry how you're acting, what if one of the others has noticed too? You don't think so, after all you and Larry have been friends since you were kids and he knows all your mannerisms, but you just can't risk it. The thought of the lads' teasing banter being directed at you in front of Van fills you with panic.

You jump up on your feet, desperate to distract him. "Fancy a game of pool Van?"

He looks surprised. "Really? No offence Y/N but you're shit at pool!"

This is true of course, but it'll take his attention away from Larry, who's still wearing a smug grin. "Maybe I've been practising whilst you've been away!"

You start to relax when you're away from the others, chatting easily with Van whilst he racks up the balls and you sip your pints.

You indicate that Van should break and he does, sinking a ball and then immediately going on to pot another. He leans over to take another shot, and you find your eyes trailing over him. My god his jeans are really tight. You've never really noticed that he's got such a cute bum before...

"Ah shit! Thought I was on a roll then!" He says, straightening up and passing the cue to you, bringing you back to reality.

You feel slightly flustered, leaning low over the table, trying to focus on holding the cue steady, but your mind's whirring. You take the shot but it's terrible. Van laughs, teasing you good-naturedly whilst you pull a face back at him.

He goes to take another shot, expertly potting the ball and lining up his second shot perfectly. He grins up at you. "You do know there's a forfeit if I seven ball you, dontcha?"

His eyes twinkle with mischief and you find yourself blushing. "Oh yeah, what's that then?"

"Hmm... I've not decided yet..."

Shit! Is he... flirting with you? You immediately dismiss the idea, looking down to hide the fact that your cheeks have turned an even deeper shade of red. Van misses his next shot and passes the cue back to you.

"Ah, look at that. I've set you right up. You can clear up now!"

You move around the table to take the shot, and you're right in front of Van as you bend over. It's hard to concentrate when he's right there behind you, but it's silly really. It's not like he'd be checking you out or anything!

Crap! You fumble and lurch forward, the cue only lightly grazing the cue ball, moving it an inch at most. "You're right, I am shit!" You giggle.

"I'm not surprised, look how you’re holding the cue for starters! And your body positioning's all wrong! Look..."

You're completely taken aback as Van steps over until his body is flush against yours. "Lean over more... no more... you’ve gotta be right over the table..."

He's leaning right over you, practically pressing you into the table, putting his arms around you to demonstrate how to hold the cue. You can feel heat rising in your body, the feel of him this close is sending your mind into overdrive. He doesn't seem to notice.

"Put this hand here, like this... and this one on the cue like this..." he instructs. "Then you’ve gotta move your hand back slowly... steady..."

He's so close now that as he's talking you can feel his warm breath on your neck. You're feeling so hot you're sure you might burst into flames if he doesn't let up. You shift slightly but this movement only serves to remind you exactly how close he is, the feel of his hips pressing into you from behind.

"C'mon Y/N, concentrate... I'm tryin' to teach you here!"

You try to clear your mind and do as you're told and the cue ball moves forward purposefully, connecting with the desired ball which heads straight for the pocket.

"Yes!" You cry, pushing back and away from Van, unable to meet his eye straight away, reaching instead for your pint and taking a huge gulp.

"See, you can do it!" Van laughs.

"Eh, you two, ready for another?" A loud voice comes from across the pub and you both turn to see Johnny standing there, grinning. "That's if you've finished bending Y/N over the table!"

Raucous laughter erupts from the lads' table, and you glance at Van who you're surprised to see actually looks slightly embarrassed for once.

"Shut up and get the drinks in!" He says to Johnny, then glances over to you. You quickly look down. This is getting more uncomfortable by the minute.

"Errr... Van... don't think I'm gonna stay for another actually," you mumble. "Just remembered I'm supposed to be meeting my sister..."

"Oh... errr... okay," he says, and you're sure he looks slightly disappointed, but you've made your mind up. You need to clear your head.

You quickly say goodbye to the lads and make your way to the door, waving to Van as you go.

"I'll bell you tomorrow!" He calls, and then you're out, pushing into the fresh air, away from him, taking a deep breath.

Read Part 2...

#catfish and the bottlemen #van mccann #fanfic #vanfic #van mccann x reader

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woozi · 3 years ago

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i agree how you described twt, sometimes everyone's just ready to fight it seems, i've genuinely had fun on both platforms at different times but now it's just too much on stan twt (no space for difference of opinion djsjdjj) it's good to know you're having fun as well :3 & omg i've seen few of my moots starting to give svt their attention after fallin flower dropped, everything abt it is <3333 the song, mv, choreo i love it.

hdjdjddkdjdj " virgos 😐 " also me in next breath "happy birthday mark :D i love you so much 🥺💕💗" any virgos reading this i really hope you enjoy your month to the fullest djjdjd <3. righttt?? you're correct abt mark's temper being very virgo djdjdkd.

your line screams hard-working people <3 jihoon, jaebeom, jeonghan the 3Js <3. isn't jaebeom also an infj? (i don't take mbtis seriously but at the same time it also makes me happy if it ends up matching someone i like djdjjd) chan & yugs 🥺 these two imo have the sweetest personality, like the one which makes you feel welcomed & they also have the cutest laugh 🥺.

i love jus2 <3 focus on me is one of my favorite kpop mvs of all time & also drunk on you??? i love this song so much, very sexy of them. the vibes, style and everything w/ their album, i want more songs like that. and for when i am feeling melancholy i need more songs like jjp's verse 2 😭💔 but i am also okay if they don't want to go back to these units bcoz everything so far they've been giving is just as great <33 ( maybe in future we'll get blessed w/ features 🥺)

honestly g7 as grp and individually have won me over with their music style, even if i don't like full album ik there will be 3-4 songs which will be exactly what i like to listen to, all of the music they've released individually i've liked it so much. there is this song of youngjae's, titled "i'm all ears" i had no idea of its existence until it popped up in my spotify i'm so glad it did, it's been in my playlist ever since. there was also a time when i was obsessed with jackson's 'on the rocks' djdjdk.

aww <3 the live performance video of 1° has mark as thumbnail so for long time i used to associate this song with him jdjddk. i think the only j*pe thing i'd miss is got7 studio live sessions 🥺. RIGHTJDKSKS aju nice's mv is very cute djjddk I love it, in reality its reverse tho, i see them and boom! 💖💛💗🤍💕💙

it was the year they won first bb*as award so that gave them the exposure, and no i don't follow them anymore. mixed feelings abt them, very negative feelings abt f*ndom fjdjdjd. i do miss what it used to feel like liking them sometimes. at that time i never thought i'll willingly drop them from my interest (i've stanned zayn since 2012 first him as grp member then solo. sometimes thinking abt it gives me a whiplash hddjks it's been 9 years, really thought it would be same with them too but it didn't happen)

i've had falling in love by yugs and in to you by jaebs on loop for days djdkdk i really love these two songs and also air by bammie <3 (i'm slow jams kinda person djdjdk :3)

(bam released the most fun album & title this year idc abt others, ribbon is one of the soty) also special mention of look so fine & running through the rain. yes! you do make sense they feel organic & very them.

exactly 😭 it's more believable when they drop stuff out of nowhere like encore 😭😭. the way youngjae posted his letter on twt too ddjjdkssk the announcement & release of encore is such a 'you just had to be there' situation the excitement, nervousness, confusion and everything 😭 sometimes i can't with them. also is the bibi with mark on ost, the same one you mentioned in last ask? the ost is really good <3, it must've been fun to see it happen (if its same bibi).

making a whole ass playlist just for me???? 😭😭😭🥺💗 yza you're so sweet nooooo 💖

and don't worry abt replying late jdjdkdjd i mean it, sometimes my friends text me after weeks and i'm am the same. it's really okay <3. i hope this week is treating you kindly, take care yza - 🪂

p.s ( just saw last post djjej) - it was me who manifested more bunny dino <3 manifesting even more <33

i was on stan twt during my younger years too and it was v fun and memorable to me ngl <3 idk what happened though.. it's evolved to be.. Something Else.. i still see a lot of good people there though 😭 and now that i'm in my Hag Era... idk it's just too fast for me now 😭 it's still my go-to place for updates though nothing can top twitter on that dept

and ms fallin flower.... i feel like everyone was blown away by it (based off of what i see carats when talk about it) and rightly so!! she SERVED. the looks too oh my god. it's another factor i look forward to and enjoy so much when i watch their performances!!

u know what? virgos 😐 indeed KJJKDFJKFDJKFDKJ i want to slander virgos today because it's their season and no one slanders them that often so <3 ABOUT MARK'S VIRGO TEMPER THOUGH... i know i've said i enjoy seeing it sm but whenever i think abt it i cant help but say that.. I Love His Temper <3 he doesn't get pissed off in a scary and douchebag-y way it seems so... contained?? IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT he punched an a/c though so that might not be the perfect word to describe him lmaoo <3

THE J TRINITY HFDJFJDJHDF BESTIE UR MIND IS SO!!!!!!!!!!! honestly... maybe it's the acts of service for me <3 JKDFKJFDKJFJKD i think this is just my eldest sister and savior syndrome speaking though kfjkdkjf ALSO OH MY GOD THE WAY U NOTICE THESE THINGS <3 THAT'S SO SEXIE OF U!!! and yes he used to be an infj!! there was an interview that's more recent wherein he mentioned that he's now an enfj though but i cant rmb which interview it's from :/ ALSO MOOD FKJJKGJGKF i dont believe in mbtis too but im just... a little obsessed w it for the fun of it all <3 and the way u described them </3 what if i tear up a little </3 I LOVE CHAN'S LAUGH SO MUCH BUT IM SO SOS O GLAD U BROUGHT UP YUGYEOM'S LAUGH??????????? IT'S NOT TALKED ABT ENOUGH LIKE...... HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! one of my bird moots said he sounded like a schoolboy in choir 😭😭😭😭😭😭

GOD UR TASTE!!!!!!! what if i start falling in l*ve a little :/ what then :/ focus on me was ahead of it's time and people fucking slept on THEM i cannot fucking believe this. this has to be some kind of sick joke 😭 ALSO HAVE U SEEN THE CHOREO FOR SENSES!!!!!!1 INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!! holy fuck!!!!!! sorry for the expletives but like.... holy SHIT they did THAT!!!!!!!! ALSO UR SO RIGHT </3 jjp verse 3 when... ALSO did u know i let go of the jjprojects url... thats the worst mistake of my life KDKJDSKJDSJK also agree wholeheartedly <3 i think they're all trying to find their footing this time around as soloists and im so proud of them for that!! i'll stand by my jus2 agenda though bc they're almost in the same company so maybe.. i might have hope left 😭

SO TRUE BESTIE!!! the same principle goes w svt for me as well <3 got7's such a flavorful group musically like... all of them have the capacity to go solo and they're still considered flops.. waht the fuck <3 ALSO OMG FJDKJFKFJD YOU'VE HEARD The Song!!!!!!!! maybe he'll be releasing something along those lines <3 esp now that he's supposedly coming w an album KJSJKDJSK on a similar note.. do u also listen to jamie (the other artist on the song) <3 NOO SHUT UP THIS CANNOT BE FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i was obsessed w on the rocks too 😭😭😭😭😭😭 IT WAS MY FAVORITE ON THE MIRRORS ALBUM HELLO??????????????????????????? im proposing to u rn

ok now i have to watch all the live vids again JKDSJKSJDKDSKJ ik keep saying 'ur so right', 'i agree', and 'so true bestie' but im gonna have to say this again bc i LOVE LOVE LOVE live sessions sm no matter the artist. i also just am a little partial to live bands in performances like that in general so JDJKKDSJDS

the way you're saying these cute things abt the svteenies.. </3 giving me heartache!!! i'd bully them though i can't coddle them anymore <3

not the fandom JKFDKJFDKJFDKJFKJF ok but i think it's mostly their younger fans tbh. it wasn't this bad before.. i also really liked bts during their debut days. their songs were really good!! i kind of lost interest though and couldn't really get into them although their songs slapped lol. my irls are still into them though so i still hear about them. 9 YEARS............................... wait oh my god it HAS BEEN a little over a decade since 1d was The Thing huh 😭 now i feel kinda old lmao. and i totally get that feeling </3 it really do be like that sometimes JKFDJKJKFD

you really ARE keeping up w the sevens oh my god how are you doing it!!!!!!!!!!! it's like getting svt content now at this point but more complicated bc u need to get the updates from different sources JDKJSDKJJSKD love ur song choices too <3

ALSO FULLY RELATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when i saw bam's teasers... the aes was my cup of tea and THE HIGHLIGHT MEDLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't fucking get it out of my mind it's objectively one of the best things i've seen from kpop in 2021. i'm super impressed <3 love how abyss really supported bambam on this. they really went all in for him!!

I KNOW GKJDFJDK I GOT SUPER ???????/// DURING THE TIME EVERYONE THOUGHT THEY WERE DISBANDING LMAOOOO they pulled a move that's so unheard of though no one really expected That. i respect jaebeom so much for handling all the paperwork and shit behind the scenes it must've been HELL!! ALSO IT MEANT I CRIED FOR NOTHING THEN 😭😭😭 AND YES OH MY GOD IT'S THE SAME BIBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SHOCK I HAD WHEN I SAW THE LIST????????????????????????? thought i was gonna black out like,,, mark,,, AND BIBI??????????????? she's fucking phenomenal how is she just a YEAR older than me.. INSANE!!! ... and i also thought jackson was gonna have an ost for this movie.. idk why it wasn't released though i didnt look into it :/

i had a rough few days so i'm not yet finished with the playlist (my laptop's Dead i am still trying to revive her and uni's starting soon 😭) but for the mean time, here's another one that some people from caratblr previously asked for JDSJKSDJ these are mostly english songs though its not my k-playlist KJDSKJSDJK

i do hope this week gets better!!! and i hope that you'll have a fun one too <3 thank u for being so patient w me 🥺 i just get so many messages and find the need to recharge FDKJDFJK

ALSO I FELT LIKE IT WAS U!!!!!! OH MY GOD, i even searched my blog for the word manifest but for some reason your ask didn't come up in the search so i didnt mention u in the tags so i wont misattribute if it ends up not being u 😭 thank u for manifesting this chan for me he's my little... hop hop now ig... 😭

#lov u u genuinely make my days better!! <#*<3 #also the way u called me by name... passing out rn </3 #🪂 anon #anon #y.ask #long post

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camilliar · 4 years ago

Note

I've just reread ~get the wine pairings~ which is one of the best zimbits fics I've ever read and I was wondering if you're currently working/planning any new omgcp fics? I really love your writing 🙈

Ahhhhhhh wow thank you, there are so many Zimbits fics to choose from, and you chose the one I wrote while my OMGCP AO3 account was still a sock I never planned to link to because it was too many kinks pasted together. I’m very flattered. I’m still weirdly pleased with that fic!

To answer you question -- which I’m also very flattered anyone would ask? -- I've got two OMGCP fics that’ll be going up in the next, like, month:

You may have seen me insanely blogging about this AU where everyone’s getting MFAs at Samwell. In theory, ideally, I guess this would be like a loose collaborative series me and @tomatowrites both write in? (If she wants to/has time to?) I’ve very near done with the first fic in this series, like, one to five paragraphs away from being done and passing it on to a beta. It’s a PBJ sex fic set over Labor Day weekend; Bitty thinks he’s getting into one thing (group sex) but he’s actually getting into something else. It doesn’t get that much into the MFA part of things but I hope it does an okay job introducing the general themes around the Parse + Bitty stories in the AU? Lots of ???? because I’m just so excited about this entire thing. Please send me + Tomato asks about MFA stuff, I’m obsessed with and I want everyone else to be, also.

I’m also doing @omgcpheartbreakfest, and that fic is due on August 5 and should be posting ... a week later? Ish? Because it’s a blind fest I ought not divulge too much about it, but it’s an idea I’ve wanted to write out for a while, so I’m looking forward to finishing this over the next week or two.

and then OH GOD this list continues:

After those two I’ll probably switch gears to finish up this infamous South Park fic. Further afield, I did start an Ollie/Wicks fic that could be conceptually interesting but a) what is the audience? and b) do I really want to expend energy on digging into the tone and keeping the tone on point? More problematic is that these characters do not have personalities or even biographical information to transform into a story, so it’s tough to know what their relationship would even be like? I guess what I’m saying is I’m not sure if I want to follow through on this. Earlier today, actually, I took a look at it convinced I was going to scrap it -- but I also felt like there was something there that made me almost wistful for whatever conviction I had for this story when I started it. We’ll see where that goes.

Two big fics I have wanted to write in this fandom for a long, long time, like nearly as long as I’ve been in the fandom:

An AU where Jack’s OD is fatal, and a few years into the future his mother has established a foundation in his memory, to which she’s recruited Parse to sit on the board, which requires that he help fund the foundation. The foundation creates a scholarship for a hockey player at Samwell, and Parse is asked to advise the selection process, which results in Bitty being offered the inaugural award. The problem, however, is that Bitty is terrified of checking and if he doesn’t make it on this team, there’s a chance SMH might ultimately reject the gift -- and if this pilot program fails, Jack’s mom is gonna, like, have a breakdown. So Parse decides to intervene to make sure Bitty doesn’t get cut? Long story short, endgame Bitty/Parse, with the basic tension coming from what everyone’s lost if Jack isn’t in their lives: the team dynamic is totally different! Bitty thinks Jack is a selfish monster who ruined the lives of everyone around him, but Parse maintains that Bitty didn’t know him. The Bob/Alicia relationship is almost irreparably frayed and Parse finds himself in the middle of it because they both refuse to let him go! In a lot of ways it’s a story about Jack, although Jack is very dead for all of it. If done properly I would love to get into some of the tough politics around, like, money in US higher ed and some politics around wealth generally.

I have mentioned a few times that I want to write a “normal” not-edgelord Zimbits fic, and that would be an AU where Jack gets a PhD in history instead of going into the NHL -- so it’s basically canon-divergent from the start of Y2, where Jack decides that, for his own mental health, he can’t do professional hockey. The fic is set over the summer of 2017, at which point Jack is preparing to take his exams, write a dissertation prospectus, and start teaching in the fall. He’s at an impasse with his advisor, however, who doesn’t want him to write a social history of hockey because that’s a second book project, not a dissertation. While that’s happening, Bitty’s just graduated college and moved back in with his parents while Jack tries to find them an apartment in Boston -- which he’s having some trouble doing since Bitty doesn’t have a job lined up and Jack’s income is like, a graduate stipend. The conflicts in this story come from circumstances external to the Jack/Bitty relationship, and center around Jack’s doubts about his ability and desire to follow through on his stated goals, especially considering he’s deeply uncompromising. I’ve seen so many arguments that Jack would be so great at grad school or being a professional academic and it’s like, yes, in some ways, he would be; I can see him doing good archival research, or moving through the degree requirements in a PhD program, because he’s goal-oriented and willing to put the work in. But! He’s fucking awkward and so much of this field is just ... networking? Collaborating? Taking advice? Listening? Taking social cues? He had this idea about what kind of dissertation he was going to do, and why is he being told no? Can Jack take “no”? Can he adapt? A random woman has been showing up to his beer league games -- maybe this degree wasn’t the right path after all?

Then, all the way down at the bottom here, it’s like, I have sooo many incomplete Greerverse and lady Jack fics, many of them in the 500-3k range, but some of them in the 15k range, which is like, wow, that’s a lot of unfinished fic! The most profitable of these would be Jack and Bitty taking a 15-year anniversary vacation traveling around Europe for six weeks, which Jack unceremoniously kicks off by announcing a desire to transition--and then saying nothing about it for the duration of the trip while Bitty tries to work out how he feels about this, never mind what Jack even wants.

Aaaand last and probably also least, I’ve got like 15k each of an a/b/o fic I tried to write for Tomato and another 15k of a fic where a career- ending injury leads Jack to reassess his entire relationship with his body and therefore he winds up getting a little drag-curious, and it was fun writing about like, Jack moping around the house on crutches feeling sorry for himself, but also the fic has an OC who’s a big part of the story and I just didn’t feel that guy or care to write about him so I quit! Maybe I should scrap those things, along with the rest of this mpreg fic.

So that’s where I’m at ficwise right now! Who knows a) when the things further down this list would see the light of days, and b) which other crazy ideas will crop up that I have to write in the interim?

Thank you so much for asking! I love chatting about my fic, please ask any time.

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araminthe-ispwitch · 4 years ago

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I've just read your fic Your True Name Is on FF and Ao3. Then I noticed it hasn't been updated since 2017. PLEASE TELL ME IT'S NOT DISCONTINUED!!! IT'S TOO AWESOME!!

Okay, so... this is gonna be awkward to reply to because just a few posts down this is my announcement that I ain’t giving up. XD

However! You’re right, it’s been 3 years since the last update and jesus christ has it really been 3 years??? I’ve just been quietly watching this fic gather more and more hopeful readers and not even reply to any messages so I could surprise you all, but I don’t think I can go on any longer and not say something concrete just to be real with you.

Okay, so the bottom line is that the status of “Your True Name Is” is... uncertain.

Very uncertain.

Very very uncertain because I am still writing Chapter 3 UUUUUUUUGH

I’m not gonna bore you with all the details of the past three (three!!!) years. Basically, ever since I started with my thesis, I haven’t been keeping up with BNHA’s manga or anime at all. You’ll notice it on my list of published fanfics; I even started another multi-chaptered fic for another fandom—one that gripped me for months during my last two years in college and eventually became the center point of my own undergraduate thesis. XD

After graduating, I pretty much delved into other hobbies and fandoms for a year. Even once I finally got hired, I didn’t get to come back to BNHA at all (psst I got into the MXTX novels’ fandoms for a full half-year just reading all the good fics). So at the moment, I am very disconnected from the fandom and the current story indeed. I wasn’t even here when the NSFW ban happened...

I wouldn’t mind having a long refresher course of watching the anime in order to continue Chapter 3, but at the moment, I’m not feeling the passion to do so. That’s what’s always so hard about writing for me, especially with multi-chaptered fanfics: once I lose my groove, it can be highly difficult to just sit down and write. This is why I am now actually gravitating towards creating one-shots instead—that, or just keeping WIPs to myself first until I’m actually nearing the end of the story.

This is currently my situation: I’m busy with work (9 hours every day, from Monday to Saturday, thank god for weekends) but the rest of my free time is mostly dedicated to my hobbies. I am not actively writing fanfics at the moment—my hobbies tend to circulate and I hyper-fixate on them for months at a time, so one moment, I’m into reading manga, and the next, I’m playing a game for several days. You may have seen that my Liked posts section is hella active—yep, during these three years, I got into playing Food Fantasy, watched a few anime shows, and all that.

I just didn’t fully come back to Tumblr and start reblogging stuff because it felt awkward to be active here when I’m not even posting a new chapter, and still keeping you guys very frustrated with the cliffhanger. XDDD

Segue but I can’t believe I missed @incorrectknb closing down last 2019 GODDAMMIT I HAD SAVED UP SO MANY POSTS AND MY LAZY ASS DIDN’T SUBMIT THEM

This is already getting too long so I’ll just wrap this up quickly:

Your True Name Is

Status: Uncertain. Don’t wanna say it’s fully on-hiatus...

However, I’m half-afraid that it’ll end up like my KnB highschool AU fic bc...

GHSR (Kuroko no Basuke fic)

Status: Discontinued...

Half of the numerous things I’ve planned for this, I’ve never even jotted down. I had no clear goal of how each chapter would go unless I was ready to write them... Not a good habit...

Yep, to any readers of my KnB highschool AU fic, I’ve finally confirmed it. Not even sure if you’re actively waiting for the next chapter (because jesus this one stopped at 2016!), but I don’t know what to do with it anymore and I’m actually working on other fics for that fandom (still multi-chaptered but focuses on one ship each instead so it doesn’t get convoluted). For my BNHA fic, I still do want to continue because I haven’t forgotten how much I’ve enjoyed crafting the Secret Child AU. However, expect now that updates for it will really be few and far between. :(

Shoutout to some people who’ve sent me non-anon messages but I don’t think I got around to answering them: @jaysfandomcorner, @kateitron, and also a shoutout to @theywaitforshewho, who was the first to admit that yes, my fanfic is probably dead—but also proceeded to recc it to their list of cool BNHA fics. XDDDDDDD Sorry, my friend, for not replying. Wanted to surprise y’all with an update but... well.

Okay, that’s all I can say for now. After this post, you may see me reblog some overdue stuff and reply to some other asks not related to YTNI. For real tho, guys, you have no idea how much it gladdens my heart to see you so excited and amazed at what I wrote. “Your True Name Is” is my most popular work in both AO3 and FFNet—and all because I tried writing the one AU we have always been waiting for. Every now and then, I see notifs about people liking and favoriting it. I will try my best to get back into its groove!

For now, however, I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your support! You guys rock!!! ^u^b

#Ara gets asked #jesus christ HAS IT REALLY BEEN THREE YEARS???#three years of on-and-off activity and just constant lurking in Tumblr...#okay imma reblog and reply to some stuff now #and then disappear again... yeah...#but seriously guys i'm still glad you love my work!!!#I WILL TRY MY BEST TO CONTINUE IT!!!

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arr-jim-lad · 5 years ago

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So I've been asking around 'cause I'm really curious to hear people's thoughts-we all know how much you love Dio, but do you have any heroes-from whatever series/media-who you love to think about just as much? Like, which characters do you find the most intriguing to you, because of motive, personality, or the themes they represent (ie Miles Morales and how he represents the pressure of expectations, something along those lines?)

While DIO is probably for SOME BLOODY REASON my #1 comfort character to draw, as well as the first character I ever gave the prestigious title of ‘waifu’ to, he’s not actually my favourite Jojo character, as I still love Kakyoin much more.

The reason I don’t write as much about Kakyoin (though I have posted meta stuff about him a few times) is because I think he’s much more straightforward of a character than DIO and there isn’t that much to explain. I assume people understand Kakyoin because he feels more like a real person, unlike the absolute unhinged batshit insanity that is DiO’s tWiStEd MiNd lmfao

However, no character surpasses Basara Nekki from Macross 7, who I devoted an actual shrine to; (not depicted: the other 4 production cels I own)

He’s an extremely introverted, extremely stubborn musician pacifist, and one of my favourite characters of all time and I wrote an actual 15+ page essay analysis of him. People dismiss Macross 7 often and judge Basara in extremely shallow and unfair ways, purely because he’s not a character who’s openly friendly or extroverted enough for them to understand how he thinks and functions - which feels very personal to me because him and me are VERY alike (though I have grown since then and became much more openly friendly, but so did Basara in the sequel OVA, Macross Dynamite 7!!).

People on MFC (a figure collecting forum that I frequent) are so familiar with my love for Basara that, when he FINALLY got his first proper figure announcement last year, the entire comment page on that figure’s entry page was flooded with people being incredibly excited and happy for me specifically lmao

I wrote many other shorter pieces on various aspects of his character and the plot of the show in general, and one time I wrote a pretty long post on MFC specifically about why he’s such an important character to me. Here are some excerpts from it that I think answer your question pretty well;

I think that Basara is a character type you rarely see as a main protagonist, especially one that is this well executed. His flaws and strengths are wonderfully balanced. It really felt like watching a kindred spirit in this show and it just meant a lot to me to see a character like this written so well.

But there’s one more extremely important thing to Basara.It’s something a lot of people criticize, but I think it’s one of the most important and well chosen aspects of his personality, and another reason as to why I was so moved by his character: Basara doesn’t change.

He grows a little here and there, he learns a thing or two like everyone does, but he largely remains the same character throughout the series, because the series starts off with him already having developed his ideals and chosen his path. Some may call this poor character writing but to me, that’s one of the most inspiring things about him.

Growth and change are not one and the same. You don’t always need to change in order to grow. Sometimes you are perfectly fine the way you are. Sometimes you are right and those telling you that you need to change are plainly wrong.

Basara doesn’t change because he doesn’t have to change. He was right from the get go and he knew it.He failed again and again, and again and AGAIN, nearly every episode throughout the series was essentially another failure, and he faltered once or twice, but picked himself back up and he tried again.

There is a reason why “Try Again” is the song that saves the galaxy.

(…)

The message Basara tries to send through with his music is also very similar to the one I try to send with my art;His songs are songs of understanding, togetherness, peace, happiness and passion. Of leaving your past behind and working on your future, and of never giving up.

I’ve seen complaints that he doesn’t act like a person who would try to send such a message, but these people act like they’ve never met an introverted artist. I’ve been told I’m blunt, distant and sometimes intimidating because I don’t like to spend time among people, but that’s just the nature of an introvert. My art speaks for my soul - just like Basara’s music speaks of what is truly within his heart.

He is a positive, passionate and good-hearted person, and by actively telling people to listen to his song it’s clear that he wants them to know this.

If you are familiar with my mascot / fanstand, Luv, its full name is actually Charging Love Heart, which comes from Totsugeki Love Heart, a Fire Bomber song that I believe to be one of Basara’s first, as well as favourite songs.

The song is incredibly cheesy, but in such an epic, positive and genuine way that you can’t help but really feel the message that Basara is trying to get across with it, and it remains one of my absolute favourite songs of all times. I like to imagine that my art is a visual representation of the same kind of feelings.

PS; I know I said no character surpasses Basara but actually I think him and Kakyoin are on a roughly the same level tbh I really do absolutely love Kakyoin

#LEGIT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING THIS IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I WAS ABLE TO TALK ABOUT BASARA #basara nekki #macross 7 #jimsplaining #Anonymous

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driversmutbucket · 6 years ago

Text

Reader x Jude

Part II

——

Part I:

——

Warnings: zero, none, nada

Author note: alrighty, this turned out to be a slow burn. I can’t make our sweet boy Jude fuck on the first date 👌

The next week, a Thursday evening, you were just about to leave for the day from the practice when the phone in your nurse station rang.

“Hello, this the Dr Ross paediatric centre, you are speaking with y/n” you said with a hint of forced enthusiasm.

“Oh, ah, hi! It’s Jude”

“Oh! Hi Jude, is Andrea okay?!” You said slightly concerned “I was just closing up here.”

“Oh shit, yeah, no, he is fine, I’m so sorry to ring at this time, I just have been trying to get hold of you, and didn’t know any other way” he admitted “I actually feel like a bit of an idiot, this is probably the fourth time I have rang, you have never been able to take my call.”

“Oh! Well now it makes sense why the receptionist said the other day that a lady with a deep voice named Judith had rung for me.” you said snorting.

You could hear Andrea babbling away in the background as Jude chuckled warmly ”Oh God, i am so sorry”.

”No, no, don't apologise, it was a temp receptionist and she seemed absolutely off the wall” you assured him ”anyway, what can i help you with?”

You heard Jude clear his throat before he said ”Well actually, uh, i was ringing to see if you wanted to get that coffee?”

“Oh! Yeah sure!” you said, blushing.

“OK great, are you free tomorrow?” you could hear the relief in his voice, “and could i get your number so i can message you incase...” Andrea suddenly started wailing in the background and he didn't finish his sentence.

You quickly gave him your number and hung up so he could tend to his son. You heart was beating rapidly.

Your rang Dr Ross (or as she insisted you call her, Jan).

”Hello, y/n, is everything ok?”

”Hi Jan, so sorry to bother you after hours, but uhhhh, i seem to have been asked out by a patients parent....” you admitted cautiously.

”Oh, so Jude finally did huh?” you could hear the smile in her voice.

”I’m sorry what!?” you laughed..

”Come on y/n, I've seen how he looks at you, I'm glad he finally did it, he is a lovely, lovely man” she gushed.

“I mean, wow....” was all you could manage.

“As for going around with a patients father, it is all ok legally, i checked it out a while ago” she assured, “let’s just say, i had a hunch.”

“Shit! Oh god sorry for cursing! I mean, thank you!” you stammered, laughing nervosly.

“Oh y/n, don't be ridiculous, I will see you tomorrow ok?” Jan replied with a laugh.

You said your goodbyes and hung up. She really was a terrific boss, you thought with a grateful smile.

Checking your phone you saw Jude and messaged you with the details about tomorrow morning. You replied and left work, with a slight spring in your step.

----

You woke the next day with a feeling of nervous excitement bubbling in your stomach.

You decided to take the half an hour walk through the city with Bil to meet Jude. You enjoyed walking, you were in the habit of walking everywhere, a side-effect of New York City.

As you walked up to the cafe where you were to meet Jude, you saw him before he saw you. He was sitting in the sun at a table outside, Andrea on his lap. We wore sunglasses and black v neck tee. Oh, he was handsome.

”Hi!” you said, announcing yourself.

Jude looked up and smiled warmly, “Hi, y/n” he took Andrea’s little hand and waved it at you.

”Awh! Hi handsome” you gushed as you bent down and ruffled Andreas hair.

“Jeez son you get all the pretty ladies, huh?” he said to Andrea, who babbled happily at him in return.

You sat down and Jude fussed over Bil as you ordered a coffee. Andrea climbed off Jude’s lap and came over you, you picked him up and popped him on your own lap.

“Honestly, that kid is the biggest ladies man I have ever met, but it is always one sided” he said with a wink, “you are one of the only women he has any interest in!”

”What an honour!” you exclaimed, laughing as you stroked Andrea’s soft locks. Jude smiled at you both tenderly.

You spent a while chatting about the usual kid stuff you were accustomed to, it was obvious Jude was distressed about Andrea’s lack of vocabulary at 2 and 1/2, you tried to reassure him.

You got onto the subject of dating,

”The thought of explaining this whole situarion” Jude said motioning at himself and Andrea, “to new people all the time is just exhausting.”

You nodded sympathetically.

”The solo dad/widower gig is crazy” he admitted, “it’s so nice to meet up with you y/n, I feel instantly at ease because I don't have to preface this with our big sob story, you know? Our world is pretty small”

“Well first off, it isn't a sob story Jude!” you said as you bounced Andrea on your knee, “but I can see how it would be so hard to get out there with everything going on.”

“I really feel like I need to focus on him while he is young, I don't want him to be fucked up from all of it” he nodded at Andrea.

”You are doing an incredible job” you beamed at him, taking a sip of your coffee.

Before you knew it you had been chatting away comfortably for 2 hours, you said with regret that you needed to drop Bil off at his dog day care and head to work. You parted ways with smiles.

----

After work that evening you checked your phone, there was a message from Jude.

I really enjoyed coffee this morning, how about dinner on Sunday? I will try get a babysitter so I’m not competing for your attention.

Haha! Sounds lovely! You replied.

----

On Sunday you were a bundle of nerves, you had never spent time with Jude, without Andrea there as a sort of, buffer. However you were looking forward to getting to know him better and seeing how he scrubbed up. He had chosen a slightly upmarket restaurant in Manhatten for dinner.

You spent the early evening flapping about deciding what to wear. Eventually you settled on a simple yet chic black dress that was entirely fitted and hugged all your curves. It went to mid calf but had a slit up the left leg to mid thigh that made it a touch sexy. The v neck cut showed enough cleavage to be enticing. You chose some simple pointed toe heels to go with it. You wore your hair down, something that you didn't do often, and styled it into soft waves. You did your usual makeup, but added a bold red lip for the occasion. You looked in the mirror and breathed in and out deeply.

You got a cab to the restaurant, arriving before Jude and you decided to wait outside for him.

“Y/n!”

You turned and saw Jude grinning and striding toward you. Jesus take the wheel.

He. Looked. So. Good.

You inhaled sharply, taking in the sight. He was in a crisp pale blue dress shirt and black dress trousers. His dark hair shined and softly waved around his face. You collected yourself and smiled,

“Hey Jude, gosh you look very handsome!”

You saw a red hue tinge his cheeks at the compliment.

“I mean, thanks, but you look...wow” he said as he ran his fingers through his hair.

It was your turn to blush.

“Yeah, decided to give the scrubs the night off” you joked.

He put his hand gently on your back and motioned to the door, “shall we?”

During dinner the wine flowed and the conversation and laughter with it. You hardly noticed what you were eating as you talked.

Neither of your wanted the night to end and after dinner you walked to a jazz bar you had heard of nearby. Both nicely buzzed on alcohol, any awkwardness was erased as Jude dragged you to the dance floor. You both laughed and danced until you were out of breath, retiring to the bar.

“I honestly haven’t had this much fun in ages” Jude confessed, beaming “I forgot what it is like to socialize after 6pm!”

“Thanks for asking me to be your accomplice” you said resting your hand on his upper arm.

You ordered another red wine each and clinked glasses.

“To dancing badly!” Jude announced.

You laughed, “long may it continue!”

When your glasses were drained, Jude checked his watch and groaned.

“I best be going home in about half an hour.”

The jazz band started a slow number, and he extended his hand to you.

“My lady?”

You snorted, and grabbed his hand, “let’s show them how it’s done.”

He dragged you to the dance floor, then turned to face you. Even in your heels he was tall, you reached and put one hand on his shoulder and slipped your other hand into his. He placed his free hand on your waist.

In your joyous alcohol induced state you closed the gap between your bodies and rested your head on his broad chest, closing your eyes and humming along to the music. Jude didn't miss a beat, lowering his head and rest it against yours affectionately. You stayed this way, swaying to the music, until it was time to go.

——

Part 3

#Jude x Reader #Hungry Hearts #Adam Driver #fan fiction #fluff

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alifeofalifer-blog · 5 years ago

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Seth Anthony - Episode Transcription

Podcast Music: [00:00:00]You have a collect call from Taylor, an inmate at the Washington Correctional Center. To accept the call press 5.

Taylor Conley: [00:00:32] There's nothing like waking up to the sound of clacking and buzzing as the door's crack open in the morning after count clears, waking up to the reality of life in prison. For some, it's just a stop along their journey, a mile post, an experience. For others, it is a revolving door, in and out, in and out. And that's their way of life, stuck in the cycle, pulling and eating away at them. And then for some it becomes their destination as the hammer came down and that judge issued him a death sentence, the slow way, by way of life in prison... This is the Life of a Lifer, by Taylor Conley.

Hello friends and family. Welcome and thank you for joining us today. Today we got an exciting program. I'm really, I'm really stoked about this today, I'm going to be interviewing singer and rapper Seth Anthony, a man who has been able to overcome the odds and take it adversity and whip it's ass, man.

So it's a continuous struggle and an uphill battle, this man won't stop. He's not going to stop. He's gonna get it, and he's getting there. He's grinding and he's making it happen. He's an example. He's an example of what change really is about, and change is a state of mind, and I wrote about this in my book called the convicted entrepreneur.

He's taking the discipline he gained through years and years of doing time and transformed that into a career. He's taken this huge negative and made it into an even bigger positive. What I like most about this dude is how humble he is and yet he's got such a confident style, and swag and he's unwilling to sell out.

He keeps it one hundred thousand, keeps it all the way real I can't do anything but respect this man, and that's why I support everything he's doing. You'll see Seth on the cover of the next issue of Inside Designed Conviction, the Magazine, which is coming out in late January. Really excited about that too, and you'll get more of the full story of his journey along the way.

You know, also coming out later on in January, towards the end of January is the Free Taylor Project album. And that's an album that I did together with my, my good friend and, and my brother Caleb Twidwell, we wrote these songs inside a prison over five years ago while we were serving time together, and he's since gotten out and been able to really take his music and take what he's done and though he's had a lot of struggles along the way, he's such a talented guy and I really am appreciative and happy to be able to, though we butted heads along the way and things haven't been easy and perfect. And you know, there's, there's plenty of different, different triumph or struggles that we've had to triumph over and been able to overcome these things and put together this, this album that we created with, you know, with guitar and just being able to sit down and really write, coming from a perspective of somebody doing life in prison, and there's also some, some nice feel good songs on there. Anyways, and I also added an additional song that I wrote called walk the line, uh, which Caleb is doing some rapping on that as well. We made this journey happen. We've released the two singles already Walk the Line and So Cold, which you can find out right now, and those will also be on the Free Taylor Project. Uh, we put this album out on our independent label, or we put these songs out on our independent label, Designed Conviction Entertainment, which this album is going to be the first album that we drop off of there and we'll see what happens with that.

Man, we just, we really want to do something that is coming from inside, and get it out there so people can really see that there's a lot of talents locked away inside these walls and fences. But I want, on a different note, I want to take a moment and talk about something that, that has me sad right now. I've got a little bit of bad news and, and that is, it's a program that I've been doing for, you know, about the last year and a half or something like that. And it got put on hold. The Toastmasters program. I've talked about it before, but Toastmasters is something that has really helped me to learn how to communicate and articulate myself better. It's such a positive outlet and given me the tools to be able to communicate with words instead of other ways of communication such as, you know, lashing out in anger or, getting upset about everything. To be able to just sit back and be able to communicate and learn these positive leadership skills, which I had, but this has been able to cultivate those things.

So it is unfortunate, and I'm, I'm truly saddened that our sponsors have had to step back. You know, they, they have health issues and, and personal reasons, so they're not able to come anymore. So I'm really bummed out about that. And until we can find new sponsors to come in and, and help us to be able to make sure that this program continues to grow, uh, we're not going to be able to do it. I love the environment that Toastmasters creates. That's what's the coolest thing about it. It's a space where you're able to really kind of just get away from everything else that goes on in prison and, and have the, the curriculum that you follow throughout, and it just really cultivates and helps you to develop these skills that help us to grow as people and express ourselves in a constructive way.

Like I said, man, being able to communicate is such an important thing in life, especially in this environment, and I cherish that and I hope that we're able to find some new sponsors soon. I mean, if you're listening, and you're interested in this, and you, and you're around the Olympia, Aberdeen area in Washington state, and you have anything to do with Toastmasters or you're were even interested by it, and you want to get involved in it, you know, feel free to reach out to us and we can try to put you in touch with the right people to make that happen because man, this is something that really does change lives. Uh, I've seen hardened thugs come into Toastmasters and within a couple of months begin to change their perspective. It's all about the perspective on the way you look at things. And it's such a cool thing to see that, you know, there's even a club out there on the streets that it's called the Inside Out Toastmasters, which consists of men and women who were formerly incarcerated, as well as advocates who advocate for the incarcerated and formerly incarcerated to help with reintegrating back into society.

And this program is continuing to help them on their journey as they get out of prison. So it's a great support system and having the clubs available in prison and then being able to transition out there for other people to get involved with it. And the Toastmasters organization is huge. So, I mean, it's the best program I've ever been a part of in here and had the opportunity to experience.

I'm actually the president of one of our clubs here where I'm at right now. Uh, a gavel club, which we are working on getting chartered. And what it means to be in a charter club is to be recognized by Toastmasters international. And so like, you know, you have to pay dues and, and people actually come in and help us to make that like a legitimate thing. Those are like legitimate credentials that people can get and they can take those and transfer those into real like things you can put on your resume and stuff like that. And not, not to mention, just being able to have a more positive environment within the prison system.

It really helps with that, it really helps with being able to communicate your issues better. Being able to actually work on rehabilitation and not just punishment. So I really believe in the Toastmasters program, and you know, maybe you don't live in this area, you've never even heard of it, but you want to know more about it.

I would encourage you to go to the ninth wave toastmaster.com website and you can, you can learn more about it. That's the number nine T H wave Toastmasters dot com and you can see different ways in which you could contribute and be a part of it. And you know, basically contribute to the rehabilitation of people within prison to where the hope is when they get out and they transition out, they will have better set of skills to work with and be, you know, a more productive member of society.

That's the hope. So without further ado though, I would, I would like to get into this interview and let's see if we can get Seth on the line here. One more thing though, I want to give Seth a big congratulations as he's just announced that his girl is about to have a baby. I think that that's so cool and I'm sure that he's going to be a great father. I'm really happy for you, man. But right now let's get into this interview. I think we got them here, so thank you very much. Look forward to what's to come.

Taylor Conley: [00:10:59] Hey Seth, how you doing today, brother?

Seth Anthony: [00:11:00] I'm doing good brother. How are you doing?

Taylor Conley: [00:11:03] Ahh, I'm doing good, man. Glad to hear you again

Seth Anthony: [00:11:07] Yeah, man.

Taylor Conley: [00:11:08] Thanks for coming on the show, bro.

Seth Anthony: [00:11:10] Yeah, of course, brother, of course, man. I respect what you're doing, man. So 100%.

Taylor Conley: [00:11:15] man.means a lot to me. It really does. I know you're a busy man, so I'm glad that we got you here. As a matter of fact, you know, earlier today, I was in there checking on Jpay man, where I get the music at, and I was searching through the top albums list and man, I seen your, I see your song on there, Rebel Road, bro. I couldn't believe it. I know it's like climbing on the charts, but uh, shit.

Seth Anthony: [00:11:42] Yeah, man, it's uh, it's, it's, you know, it feels really good man, because you know I, I, I put my heart into all my music man. And just, uh, that combi-, that gratification, man. It's just, it just, it feels like, I wrote that song about being in prison, you know what I mean? So I would..

Taylor Conley: [00:12:00] That's what grabbed me about it.

Seth Anthony: [00:12:02] Yeah, man. So it's like for people to just be so responsive with it, it means a lot, man. Cause that's just, I would just, I'm just real with my music, you know, I just, I sing or I rap or whatever, whatever I do, man, I do it from my heart. I do 100% of my heart, man. You know what? I've been through my life, man, and just for people, just for it to get that much attention, man, it just, it makes me feel good.You know? It's like all the hard work I'm putting into this, you know it's paying off, you know?

Taylor Conley: [00:12:33] That's great man. You know, I can tell too, when I listened to it, it's like, I mean, I don't want to talk bad about other people, but I hear a lot of these country rap songs and they're trash, man, they like, they don't sound, there's not good production on them. You know, it just sounds like, like some dude talking over a beat.

Seth Anthony: [00:12:56] You can only uh, you can only rap so much about Yetis and big trucks and mud holes, man. You know what I mean? So I try to open my mind up, man, and just literally, when I started doing this music, I said, you know what? What would I, what would I listen to?

And I said, I would like to listen to somebody that's being real, that's been a prison. Sold drugs, hooked on drugs, just went through the ringer, man. And then, you know what I mean? And talks about it, not ashamed of it, not trying to hide it. Nothing, man. So that's what I was doing, man. And since I've been doing that, um, literally, I've been doing music for 22 months now, professionally, and I got millions of views. Um. Um, you know, I'm just, I'm, I'm all over. I'm about to go on tour. It's just, it changed my life, man. And it feels good because, you know, that's why I would never sign to a record label because I wanna, I want to sing and rap or make the kind of music that makes me happy, man. I don't want to sit there and make any kind of music for album sales or this or that.

You know what I mean? So to do what you want to do and have that passion just really feels good, really feels good.

Taylor Conley: [00:14:07] That's definitely an amazing thing to be able to have the freedom to just, however you see it, however you feel it, you put it down and it comes through, man. Cause that shit touched me right, right in the soul, man. I could feel it. And those are songs too that you can listen to time and time again and they don't get old. And that's the great thing about it.

Seth Anthony: [00:14:30] Yeah. I still listen to them all the time, man.

Taylor Conley: [00:14:35] How does it feel to listen to your music?

Seth Anthony: [00:14:38] Uh, you know, there's only one thing wrong with it man, uh, the only thing that bothers me is, uh, I'm still obsessive with my music man, and literally obsessed with it. My girl will, I'll be in the living room and my girl was like, Babe it's midnight, you gotta go to the studio tomorrow and I'm like, I'm just going to finish this part for this song. She'll go, wake up, it's four o'clock in the morning. I'm still sitting out there writing and then refining things. So when I hear my music, I love it, but I'm always like, damn, I should've did that right there. oh damn

Taylor Conley: [00:15:07] Ahhh, man

Seth Anthony: [00:15:09] you know what I mean? So I pick it apart...

Taylor Conley: [00:15:10] Oh I know what you mean

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, man. Whenever I write music, I do the same thing, bro. I'd be, you know, once it's done and it's down and you're like, damn, I should've done this. I should've said it like that or something. You know what I mean? But that shows, cause that's what makes great music, man.

That really getting passionate about it and getting into it. You know what's funny is it not only was it on the Jay pay, but then I was telling Cecilia's assistant Sara about that, you know, she's kind of looking after some of our social media stuff. She's involved with that. And, and I was telling her, Hey uh, Seth's, Seth's Rebel Road song is on, on the top songs on JPay, she was like, wow cause I was just looking at Facebook and he's trending on there with the video for that. I was like, damn, he's blowing up right now.

Seth Anthony: [00:16:05] Yeah, man. Um, yeah, it's, it's doing really good man. Um, and I just released a new video on Rough Neck Remedy um, off my new album, I'm dropping 2020 Vision and, um, I mean, yes, it's, it, things are just coming together, man. It's just, kinda just like that old saying, real recognize real man. Like there's not one person on the streets or in prison that could say that I'm not real. You know what I mean? So it's just like, I just, I keep you a real man, you know what I mean?

I didn't live the best life. I didn't live the worst life. I was just real throughout my whole life, and went through a lot of fucking shit. You know what I mean? So I just put that into the music and people just relate to it then because you know everybody, this is my problem with the music industry, man, and this is my real problem, is people that start getting a little clout and they do music, they want to act like they're just like on this high pedestal, and I'm this, this person, or I'm this, nah man, just, you know what? Fuck that you're, you're a human being. You still go through shit. People want to relate to you, man. So be real. You know what I'm saying? Like I just can't stand that because that's how I'm a normal guy, man. I'm a normal dude, man, that just love to make fucking music and knows how to rap my ass off. And I learned it cause I did fucking years and years and years in prison, you know what I mean? You ain't got nothing else to do but write letters or writing music or workout or, you know what I mean? So now I'm just a different level than a lot of these dudes.

Taylor Conley: [00:17:32] Yeah, yeah, man. That don't get no realer than that right there, bro. And you said it best when you say that, you know, you're, you're just a person just like any other person. You're not better than nobody else for doing it. And it just shows that I reached out to you, man. And you responded, cause real recognize real man. You know? And I, I just want to tell you that. That's cool, bro. You're like a real down to earth dude.

Seth Anthony: [00:17:58] And I mean I gotta be, man, I gave up for these interviews left and right man. And the only reason I did this is because there are a lot of people are just trying to get clout or this guy's going up, are you doing all this? And he's willing to do an interview. I won't do a lot of them. The only interviews that you'll see on my, on my go on YouTube and pulled me up is about prison because I want to inform people, man. You know what I'm saying? Excuse me. And they really see who the fuck I am, man. You know what I mean? So when I reached out to you and I clicked on your podcast, I was like, all right, I see, your name you caught me. I'm looking at 'em. I'm like, okay, he's trying to do something. And then I seen, Oh shit, he's locked up. And when you talk to me about the podcast and you say, man, your music hits you. I said, man, I'd be a fake motherfucker, man, if I didn't fuck with this dude, because you know what? I was there so, I'm out here now. Hey. You know what I'm saying? Like that's just not, I'm just a real person and I ,I fully back everything you're doing, man.

You know what I mean? And I tip my hat to your brother because it's hard to get caught up and twisted up in some bullshit when you're behind the bars, man. I was there for a long time, So it's just, you know, I tip my hat to ya, I respect what you're doing, man.

Taylor Conley: [00:19:15] Man, I appreciate it, man. This, uh, this shit ain't easy bro, but you know what? This is the stuff right here, what we're doing, this is what keeps me going, man, cause I'm serving a life without sentence, you know? And uh, man, you got to have something to live for. You know what I mean? I'm still struggling and fighting for my life with my appeals and shit like that, you know, I didn't, I didn't get done fairly, man. But at the same time, I'm not complaining about it. I'm doing something about it and I'm doing something with my life despite the odds, despite the situation I'm in, I'm not going to make that something that I, you know, just dwell on it and sit here fucking depressed and everything, man. But you know, it, it's cool that you recognize that shit, man. And uh, anyway, bro. I really do appreciate that, man. And so anyways, uh, as, as I was talking to you as I found out a little bit more about what you got going on, I hear that you're going down to Nashville to shoot a video with Struggle Jennings.

Seth Anthony: [00:20:17] Yeah yeah man, um I got the new album coming out 2020 vision. Um, so me and Struggle Jennings, uh, you know what I mean? He's, he's well known. He did all the, uh, Waylon and Willies with Jelly Roll. Um, I, I do, my producer is good friends with him and producer. So I was like, Hey man, let's make the play, man. I'm trying to climb the ladder. Let's do it. So we did the song together. I went to a show and got on his tour bus and I'm like, yo bro, what's up? I was like, we need to do this video. He's like, all right, you got to come to Nashville though. So I booked the ticket for me and the the video guy, we're bringing all the gear and we're going to go knock this video out, man for the album and uh yeah, I'm gonna make a vlog and everything. Like I was telling the assistant or whoever it was I was talking to. Um, you guys are going to be sending me some gear, man. You guys send me that gear, man, and the vlog I'll make and and everything, I'll wear it and represent shout out to you man, Free Taylor. You know what I mean? So I'm all for it, you know, and looking out, man.

Taylor Conley: [00:21:16] Yeah, man, uh, that's ,that's cool, man. Yeah, we shot it to you, man. So I hope you get it before you leave and, uh, you're gonna represent it. It's the Free Taylor Project, man. It's actually an album that we made with, uh, you know, a dude, a good friend of mine, man. He's like my brother that he was in prison with me. We did, we did time together, and he's an amazing musician himself. He's, he's a really talented singer. So, you know, we did the Free Taylor Project and, uh, it's, it's got some really really hard hitting song. It's like a variety of songs, man, you're getting some rock, some country, and uh even a little bit of rap on there, bro. And you know what I mean? That's something that I really, I really get passionate about myself, man, is writing music.

Seth Anthony: [00:22:03] Is that song that you sent me, is that on that, that that album you're talking about?

Taylor Conley: [00:22:10] It's going to be on there. Yeah. The So Cold song and the Walk the Line song are the ones, we released those two singles that we're going to put on the album. And uh, yeah, man, it's, it's going to come out in January actually as well. Probably the end of January. We're gonna put it out and uh, you know what I mean? It's just supporting that supporting positive shit that we're doing and getting the message out there. You know what I mean? It's like, Hey, check it out. Check what this dude's doing and come support it, and it's good music, bro. Like this music came out, came out of the inside. You know what I mean? We recorded a demo inside when we still had a, uh, we still had a music room that has some recording equipment, you know, some old stuff you recorded on tape deck and it was just a guitar and a, and some singing man. And we ended up being able to take that project and bring it out to the streets when my friend, Caleb Twidwell, when he got out, we got in contact years later and ended up making it come to life, man. And now we're now, we're going to really make it happen so. I'm hoping that

Seth Anthony: [00:23:18] Hey your boy Caleb though, I checked out the, I'm really feeling the So Cold. Um, song. He's got a good voice, man. When I was listening to, I was like, man, if you could just throw like a rap verse into that, So Cold song, it would be, it eb be really dope man. Cause he's just, he's killing it on that song,

Taylor Conley: [00:23:35] Dude, that would be, that would be a good idea, man. Maybe we can talk about the remix sometime.

Seth Anthony: [00:23:41] Yeah, yeah man.

Taylor Conley: [00:23:43] That would be cool. But well, what we did talk about was, uh, we talked about doing this Renegade song. So I threw it out there man that I wrote this song that I think would be right in their wheelhouse and, uh, sent you over the song. You know, it reminded me of something that would fit perfectly with, with you, man. Like, it resonated with you being able to do the song, man. And I reached out to you and you said that you were interested in bro. So. What, tell me about when you think about the song, man?

Seth Anthony: [00:24:14] I really feel, uh, like I said, when I, um, when I read people's, when some people send me music, I read the lyrics and I, and when I read the lyrics, like I instantly knew they were real because I've been in the same places that you're at. You know what I'm saying? So I was, I felt it 100% man. And I really, uh, I, I'm really down to, to, you know, I'm really busy and I'll finish this out. I got a project coming, I'm about to go on tour, but I'll definitely squeeze in sometime, man and find some time, man. And we'll knock the track out man and representing that.

Taylor Conley: [00:24:50] That's what's up man, cause you know, I couldn't do this song with anybody that hadn't done time and you know what I mean?

Seth Anthony: [00:24:56] Of course not, of course not.

Taylor Conley: [00:24:57] ... And then so we're going to get Caleb, we're going to get Caleb to do, he's going to sing the, he's going to sing the hook and you're going, you're going to rap on it.

Seth Anthony: [00:25:09] Yeah, I'm down brother, definitely down.

Taylor Conley: [00:25:11] Al- Alright broAlright, man. That's, that's going to be a hit, man. I, I know that with, with what you got to put into it and, and that producer that's gonna be producing it. It's going to be a hit man. And the beats, the beats that give me too man, and what with what we get put on it, that's, that's going to be a hit song right bro.

Seth Anthony: [00:25:33] Definitely man, I'm definitely down, brother. It's a good song.

Taylor Conley: [00:25:37] So, so the one other thing I wanted to ask you about, man, cause I think from what I understand, you're an independent artist, right?

Seth Anthony: [00:25:47] Hundred percent bro, hundred percent

Taylor Conley: [00:25:50] So are you trying to get a deal or are you trying to stay independent?

Seth Anthony: [00:25:55] No, I'll never, I'll never sign the deal, man. I already had a couple people, a couple, record labels already come to me, and a middle man tried to come to me and everything. And you know, uh, the last deal was good. You know what I mean? I'm not saying that's not, it's a, it's a good deal, but this is why I will never sign a deal, because right now, if I want to talk about prison or if I wanna talk about my woman, or if I wanna talk about my mom and dad dying whenever I want, however I want to sing it, rap it however I want to do it. I can do it because there's no one telling me, Oh, you get album sales as this, and this is what it's uhh generating right now.... and analytics show... Fuck that, man. I, you know what I'm saying? I just watched a video right before I got on this uh podcast with you, and a dude said, you know that the minute you start making music for album sales, it's fake. You know what I mean? You, you make the music man, because it's from your heart. And that's what people relate to it. So, and I already know the game with them record labels, man. All everybody should be trying to, man, you just gotta go get it. You gotta gotta get it, man. It ain't, it's not handed to you. It's not handed to you. You gotta grind, man. You've got to grind you gotta network, you gotta put the content on, you gotta put real lyrics, and you have talent and build a team behind you, man. That's what it's all about, man. You know what I mean? I was in prison so long, and that's why I'm ahead of the game behind these dudes, because I have street knowledge and music knowledge combined, man. So it's like, you know, I'm just, I'm killing it, man, because I have the drive, way harder. I, I've been in situations that I've never been in where my mind thinks a lot different than those dude, man. You know what I mean? So I'll never sign a deal, man, ever.

Taylor Conley: [00:27:43] Okay. Okay, well, say it then, man. Said that with some passion, bro. I uhh

Seth Anthony: [00:27:49] Yeah. I'm passionate about this music

Taylor Conley: [00:27:51] I hear you. I'm a, I'm a strong believer in that, man. You know, I, I really like it. I like where you're coming from. I like, I like the way you think and uh, there's definitely something about having..

Seth Anthony: [00:28:04] Look at it like this

Taylor Conley: [00:28:05] Yeah

Seth Anthony: [00:28:05] This is how I look at it, this is how I look at it, man. If I'm working at construction, I still work. I still work every day. That's how much I want it and get it. I wake up at four o'clock in the morning every morning, go to work, do commercial concrete, bust my ass climbing walls doing this crazy ass work. Come home, write music and record my songs and do videos on the weekends. Now let me tell you something. I'll never change that, that fire I have in me, I'll never, I'll never change that man. So a record label ... What is that going to do? You're going to give me some money and then you're going to own me. You see what I'm saying, man. But they did the fire in me, man. It would be taken away because it's like someone dictating your future. When I walked out of those prison gates, I made a promise to myself that no man will ever disrespect me or tell me what to do ever again. I'm free. You know what I mean? So. That's why it's just, I can't do that. You know what I mean? That's just something with me. I can't do, you know what I mean? So I'm just really passionate about it because I'm passionate about it, man. You know what I mean? It's just, if I was to be up, man, my producer's like Seth, calm down. I'm like, dude, you don't understand man. I'm honest music, man. You know what I mean? Like you don't get it. You know what I mean? Like this is not just like, people just don't get that I'm ahead of the game because of the shit I went through. You know what I mean?

Taylor Conley: [00:29:23] Absolutely. Man. Absolutely. And that's the drive that other people that have been in your situation could look to in and hear this. If there's anybody listening that you know is an aspiring, uh, artist of any type or know, I heard this story of yours, you know, and they can be inspired by it themselves to, to understand, you know, that you can take. What you've been through and turn that into art

Seth Anthony: [00:29:50] you always can,

Taylor Conley: [00:29:51] whether it's music..

Seth Anthony: [00:29:51] You always can, man

Taylor Conley: [00:29:53] whatever kind of art it is man...

Seth Anthony: [00:29:55] Because you know what, man, let me tell you. No, you're going to wh... I'm going to tell you something right now. Whoever's listening, well, anyone that's been incarcerated already will resonate with this man, and I'm gonna tell you what, just say you're in the, in the world. I'm in the world right now. People wake up on the wrong side of the bed. You see what I'm saying? People want, it's just human nature. You wake up in a bad mood and on the wrong side of the bed, but guess what, man? When you wake up in the bad mood on the wrong side in prison, it's not a fucking good day, man. You know what I'm saying? You got motherfuckers telling you when to eat when they sleep, count this blah, blah lock down on this. Um, the phone cut off or you can't get it. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's just, there's so much more shit. That weighs up on you when you're having a fucking bad day, that if you can get through that, you can get through anything, man. So that's why I said I'm ahead of the game man, and you know what I'm saying like that people just don't understand what it's like, man, to sit there and worry about your loved ones and nobody gives a fuck about you or this motherfucker, showing you all this pressure on the compound, man, I got to walk. You know what I'm saying? So if you, unless you live that, you know what I'm saying? People will never understand, and that's where the fire comes from, man. You know what I mean? Because it's like. I've been there, man. So it's like nothing can stop what I'm doing. You know what I mean? It's like this is what I'm fucking doing, and people are going to have to relate to it because it's real, they have no choice too. You know what I mean?

Taylor Conley: [00:31:21] Whoo, that's some heat right there, man. That's some heat, straight up.

Seth Anthony: [00:31:27] Yeah brother

Taylor Conley: [00:31:27] I might have to put that on the, on the backside of the album, bro.

Seth Anthony: [00:31:34] Yeah. Put it on there, brother

Taylor Conley: [00:31:37] Yeah, man.

Seth Anthony: [00:31:37] Put that on there man

Taylor Conley: [00:31:40] Cause that, I mean people need to hear that message right there, man. You know, it don't get no realer than that, bro.

Taylor Conley: [00:31:51] So I know that you're busy, bro. I know you got places to go and things to do, man, you're grinding, man. But I just got one last question for you if I could.

Seth Anthony: [00:32:00] Yeah what's up brother?

Taylor Conley: [00:32:02] So, man, you know, I'm serving a life without the possibility of parole sentence in here. And, uh, you know, I just, I would appreciate getting your take on what you think about life sentences?

Seth Anthony: [00:32:15] Well, a person that was incarcerated for many, many, many, many years and been locked up since I was 14 years old and on and off then. My personal opinion and I really don't answer questions like this, like just like I don't answer questions about politics cause it's just a huge debate man. But my, I'm going to answer it because I respect what you're doing. I don't agree with it, man. I don't feel like the system is so fucked up man, where they don't give a fuck what your situation was or if you see them, they don't care about the situation or anything. The circumstances of the situation. They just look at them points and you, and you've got a shitty public defender is working in cahoots with the fucking state attorney and you know what? They're, you know it. Do they look at that money, they'll get that money and they'll fucking ruin somebody's life, man. About a fucking, you know what I'm saying? No matter how severe it is, man, I don't think you should take somebody's fucking life away. forever because of one incident. Yeah. You know, sometimes people make mistakes and you need to get punished for that. I needed to go to prison for the fucked up shit I did, but guess what? I did my time and got out and look what I'm doing now. Look what I'm doing now, you know what I'm saying? So for you to give a person life behind something for one incident, I think is ridiculous. Ridiculous.

Taylor Conley: [00:33:36] That's a mic dropper right there, bro. You know, I, I appreciate you, uh, coming on here, man, and, and being so passionate and really speaking your mind and speaking your heart. It uh..

Seth Anthony: [00:33:49] Of course brother

Taylor Conley: [00:33:50] It means a lot to me Seth

Seth Anthony: [00:33:51] Of course I respect what you're doing, man, I respe-, I really respect what you're doing. I'm not just telling you that I'm one hundred percent with you, man. cause you know, a couple of times since I got out, I could be sitting right there next to you, bro. You don't understand that. You know, you get out of prison, your mind is fucked up, man. You know what I'm saying? It took ...I'm still dealing with society, man. And I wig out sometimes, man. You know what I'm saying? Because that shit just fucks you up when you get out. You know what I mean? So. I'm all for what you're doing, man, and you're fucking being you're being positive, bro. And, you know, positive people make it in this world, no matter what circumstance their in, they make it, you know what I mean? So that's just something you gotta - I just respect what you're doing, man. You know what I mean?

Taylor Conley: [00:34:29] Likewise, man, I really respect what you're doing, man. I'm a big fan and I can't wait to hear the album, bro. And I like to do a follow up with you later on. You know, maybe after, after the album drops or maybe, uh, you know, at some point.

Do a follow up and see how you're doing. And, and definitely after we do this Renegade song, bro, maybe we can do it at that time, but uh, but yah look forward to it man, and uh, good luck next week down doing that, that video shoot bro. And, and just, just keep doing, doing the hard work, bro. Keep uh grinding out there man. Cause you're getting it.

Seth Anthony: [00:35:06] Yeah thanks brother, keep your head up in there man.

Taylor Conley: [00:35:10] All right brother.

Seth Anthony: [00:35:12] Alright man good talking to you brother

Taylor Conley: [00:35:13] You have a good one man. Absolutely.

Seth Anthony: [00:35:15] you too brother, alright peace

Taylor Conley: [00:35:17] Alright, peace man. If you want to find out more about Seth, you can find him @sethanthonycm that's C M as in country music on Instagram. Follow him. Check out what he's got going on. Get his new album when it comes out. I know it's going to be dope.

This dude's really doing it. And I just got to say, I really support this guy and what he's doing, and I hope that we can continue to move forward and feed off of each other in the positive direction that these things are going in. And I, I encourage, and I'm a big fan, so I just, I really thank and appreciate Seth for coming on the show and telling his story and I look forward to it being able to write this article about him and have that come out and have him be on the cover of our next issue of Inside Designed Conviction, the Magazine. So at this time, this is the segment in the show where we like to do a question and answer, and if you got any questions and you're listening to this and you want to know the answer to it, go ahead and hit us up at @alifeofalifer on Instagram or the Designed Conviction page lifeofalifer.com you can find us on all of these different pages and I want you to know that I will answer your question, whether it gets answered on the show or not, it will get answered. So thank you very much for your support.

And today we got a question from somebody and, and it's a question that I feel like a lot of people might have. So it'll be interesting to figure it out now how I answer it to the best that I can to the best of my ability. So what is it like to deal with the day to day of life in prison and do all the things you're doing?

I mean, it's kind of a general question, but at the same time something that, as I think about it for a second, I think like prison is such a complex environment. There's so many different variables, you know, uh, things can change within a second and we could all be, you know, have the life. There's so many changes that have happened since I've been in prison along the way that reshape basically the environment that you're in.

Prison's like a microcosm of society in and of itself in which you're under a microscope. Everything you do is monitored and there are rules for everything. It's difficult to navigate these rules, which are set by the state, but then within that is a whole another set of rules and conduct. So you really have to walk a fine line.

I mean, and it depends on what you're doing too. There's so many variables at play. Like I said. So if you're not vigilant in everything that you do, one wrong step could have your whole world flipped upside down and everything changed. Everything that you thought that you had is gone. So it's, it's really comes into balance, especially if you're trying to do something with yourself outside of the normal day to day life of prison.

It's, it's a balance of being aware of your surroundings. And what I do? I stay busy with my time, I grind it out. I'm involved in a number of positive programs that I try to stay involved in that as much as I can because it, it keeps my mind busy. It keeps me active in working towards becoming a better person.

And the biggest thing for me is, is if I can inspire somebody else to do something different with their lives so they don't keep coming back here to visit me. Doing life and fricking prison. It's, it's something that I'm very passionate about because I love to hear these success stories of people that get out and they do something different.

Man, I hate it when I see these people keep coming back in and like a revolving door and it saddens me. Really. It really saddens me. It hurts me. I don't even like to, I don't even like to think about it because it's happened so often. I've seen people come back five, six times since I've been in prison these last 14 years and I just, I truly, truly want to stop seeing that happen. Cause there's so much more to life and you can use these, these tools that you can create within yourself by doing this time to really have a success. And that's why I Seth Anthony's story is so powerful is because he used what he went through to make himself a success, and he's just seeing more and more success with it. So it inspires me to do even better and to go even further because I know that other people can do that as well. And I want to inspire that in them. So thank you very much for tuning in. I just want to give a big thank you to everybody who makes this possible, and I really, really want to say that I appreciate all the listeners.

Anybody listening who has a question, like I said, hit us up and we will get back to you. Alright? Have a nice day.

Podcast Music: [00:40:41]

#Podcast #Seth Anthony #Prison reform #Criminal justice reform #Country music #New music #Life of a lifer #Second chance

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