#been drawing a lot of sad things lately and nothing else really so here is a compilation of my newest character

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[inkydoc]

Bubble witch Katherine and her many, many outfits :3

a compilation post with all the stuff I've drawn for her because I like her design a lot, it's very comfortable :D also that last one i made the lineart with markers on paper, it was a cool little experiment

[ryomaandgundhamkin]

Okay. I have a lot to explain. First:

Listen- I am REALLY sorry for not drawing a lot. For the last month (by this point it’s probably been a month), I’ve been really, really behind on drawing and TSAMS lore. I don’t really feel that I’m apart of the fandom anymore. I just lost all my energy to actually dedicate myself to the lore of the show. I feel exhausted. Plus, school isn’t helping. For the last two weeks it’s been kind of hard for me, I mean aside from my trip, but then I had to catch up on work then do 1 project. I had two tests today.

Art block is hitting hard and I hope you understand. I just feel like I want to draw, I have a lot of ideas, I just can never get a result I actually like. It’s a process of drawing and deleting all my progress. I feel like it’s either 1., I make too much art, which in turn exhausts me further, or 2., I don’t make art at all. I’ve just been lurking around Tumblr and going around, like “oh I’m so going to draw this”, but I’m realizing that I definitely do not have enough energy to draw anything TSBS right now.

My main focus at the moment is school and school only. I hope you understand this because I had a shit ton of late work I had to do from the days I missed while I was away (7 fucking pages), and I had to zoom through that, THEN I had the science test. I had my math test today and I did well and now I’m tired af. I just don’t feel like drawing in general, period. Coloring maybe, but I just have too many things to do OUTSIDE of drawing online on here. Basically this is just me taking a small break. I’m sorry that content may be slower on my account, but I feel like I need this or else I will eventually just actually pass out from the stress. No one did nothing wrong aside from me. I’m just torturing myself. My brain hurts and my sleep schedule is damaged. Planning events is NOT fun and every weekend, I seriously just want a break, but OH someone’s coming over or we’re doing something or we’re going somewhere. I seriously cannot take a break unless I have NOTHING TO DO, which is kind of impossible considering my mother’s plans.

I just don’t feel like drawing. I feel like I’m starting to sleep more early everyday. My mind is a mess. It hurts. It hurts.

I’m just so sorry about this. I hope you guys understand I may not be in the best mental state (even if I act like I’m not, and same at with school, @kiwikay3 …), and I don’t feel like drawing for a bit. Just expect me to give you updates once in a while and maybe that’s it. Just don’t expect a ton of content or doodles from me.

This problem has nothing to do with you guys, I just want you to know this and know what to expect from me from now on. I’ll catch up with all my art requests and things like that eventually, I just feel like school has taken a toll on me. On my health. But, just myself overall. I don’t want anyone to worry. I’ll probably be active less and less so it’s fine if you unfollow me or something because I feel like I’ve already failed you all, and I’ve already reached the peak of my art journey (mid-October or so). I’m so sorry but I feel like when I write these I just get so emotional and I can’t really describe any of it in words. I’m probably going to sleep after this before I actually start crying. I’m actually so annoyed and sad and I just feel so many emotions. My brother is not helping, because HE does not care about his physical health so me and my parents do instead.

Sorry. Thank you all.

I feel like I’m going to have a mental breakdown fuck i hate this

[blackjack-15]

the way nat is treated is sooo sad and predictable. she doesn't always (present day) handle things well, but...with an upbringing like this? and good on her for pouring the liquor down the drain and bringing paper towels

"oh you're gonna make sprite?" "yeah, i'm gonna make sprite" that's carmy in a nutshell. push on a wall, it becomes a bridge.

"holding everything in and then letting it out inappropriately" you've reduced the bear to its most basic components!

he made sprite! something from nearly nothing, that's carmy. and no one even thanks him to his face. he didn't have to do it, he was doing 6 other things at once, and he still made sprite for someone who was having a hard time

also richie's ex wife reminds me strongly of mrs. berzatto. just saying.

"why isn't someone listening to me?" "i'm listening" "WHY IS NO ONE LISTENING TO ME" and this is mrs berzatto at a 4/5? we're gonna see her at a 6+ before long

i hate to armchair-diagnose, but there's pretty obviously a personality disorder present here in the Matriarch of the Berzatto clan. histrionic personality disorder is my immediate thought, but could be something else.

"no one's f//kin with you why would you think that?" gee i wonder.

"we ran into the love of your life" "i don't have a love of my life" 1) they're 100% talking about claire 2) carmy baby. you're so right you don't yet.

wow i hate mikey/richie right now. but! this adds a whole new dimension to carmy re: claire! because claire is tied to mikey, to what mikey 'wanted' for carmy, and that makes this whole thing come full circle, doesn't it?

"what did you do. what did you do." maybe christmas in copenhagen would have been a good idea.

carmy's absolute distaste for this whole 'conversation' (the glasses came off? the body is banging? really guys? you're being disgusting) is beautiful. carmy's got many, many vices and makes a lot of mistakes, but this is Not something he puts up with

"i don't understand why you would do this. why are you like this" oh carmy honey.

"i'm not in love with her, that's what i'm saying, where did you guys get that?"

THERE IT IS.

there's the reason for showing how carmy reacts when someone wants something from him, why the awful phone conversation with claire has her making him go from not wanting to give his number to saying "i want you to have my number". we have to see how carmy goes from saying no -- the truth -- to saying yes -- a lie -- after pressure is put on him. because this is where it starts.

claire represents what others want for carmy. normalcy, a chance -- his "only" chance -- to be with someone deemed societally Valuable. to not be an "other", to fit in, to have something "Good" that everyone thinks is good. carmy/claire is nauseating, but it's supposed to be. people spend so much time on screen telling us how Good claire is, when the show itself doesn't back it up. she's a figure of myth, a representation of the expectations others set on carmy and that he bows to, not a character. full stop.

and wow this is legitimately hard to watch. carmy attempts to set boundary, boundary is ignored. rinse, repeat.

they think carmy's in love with her -- this is a man in his, what, late 20s at this point? -- because he used to draw her in high school? the tenuous is getting more tenuous my Gosh.

"carm. this is a good thing." oh and no it really really isn't.

okay nice moment here for richie. does he think carmy is weird? yeah. does he still kinda brag about his sprite-making abilities? yeah

okay, ex wife is the worst. the boy makes you sprite b/c you don't feel good and there's none in the house and you ask why they'd 'punish' a nice girl like claire by hooking carmy up with her?

richie is adorable with his daughter and despite everything going wrong in his life (both his fault and not) is a really good dad ("do you think that she'll like us?" is such a soft question). i am really, really glad he's divorced. i want him to find happiness -- i don't know what that would look like for him just yet, but.

"we just have to not be like our parents" the other distillation of the bear!

richie trying to get a better job for his kid is really sweet. mikey telling the bill murray story in the background? hilarious

we're further breaking down the Mythos of Mikey -- he's introduced as a perfect, tragic figure, and we've spent a season and a half showing his foibles...which are Many.

[doshiart]

Gallavich Intro

uh huh, thank you @callivich for these encouragement reblogs post, so here we are!

(nick)Name: Doshi

Age: 22

What made you fall in love with Gallavich? I mean… gallavich, they're they. Okay, if serious, I just knew about them but never interested in it and don't remember whether I watched this show before or not. But I seen all of seasons attentively only in November 2023. Then I fell into it entirely and completely.

How long have you been a fan? 3.5 months / since November 2023

Favourite Gallavich moment/scene? oh god, it's hard.. so many really awesome scenes. I want to highlight a few and maybe make a top.

Mickey Watching Over Ian [S04E07] — my s-tier, i love re-watch this scene, i love this song (and i'm so sad that it's been removed from spotify but ok whatever). It's incredibly emotional, that's all. Mickey is so protective, there are so many thoughts on his face. And this silent talk with Svetlana screams very loudly for me. I just like to think that in that moment Mickey is thinking about how much he loves Ian and how glad he is that he's finally here.

"First Time I Felt Anything Since…" [S05E10] — just one more emotional scene before disaster. Really like it and the song is good too.

The Club Kiss [S04E08] — they are so touch starved for each other's. yummy.

"I Gotta Worry. You're My Husband." [S11E04] — it's really sad that this scene was deleted :\

"Rain On Me." [S11E07] — PLEASE they're so domestic and comfort, singing together, what could be better??

idk i just can't stop?? ok i'm quickly pick these important ones for me: "Don't." [S03E12] "Ian. Look At Me." [S04E10] "Sorry I'm Late." [S05E08] The Dock Scene [S07E10] "A lot." [S07E11]

Favourite Shameless character apart from Ian and Mickey? Carl! I actually really love a lot of the characters, but Carl the most. Love his character development, love his sibling bonding with Debbie and how they grew together, as well as his brotherly relationship with his elders. Love his interactions with Mickey and wish there was more. He's so sweet and silly kitty. I also had a crush on Sandy and would have liked to see more of a storyline with Debbie, but eh.

Do you write or draw or make edits? I draw! tag in tumblr / commissions open + other social

Favourite type of Gallavich fics? I'm absolutely in love for AUs! Before gallavich I didn't realize how much I loved the AUs. It's just amazing and this fandom is amazing because there are so many things I want to read, but there are sooooo many. I love multi-chaps and slowburn! Any universe, the main thing is our boys and tension between them!

Most of all I want to mention my love for texting/social media or something like that. I like it when text messages are inserted into the writing.

I prefer fluff, but I have nothing against angst, only if it is hurt/comfort. I love getting different emotions and I love crying too, but I don't like bad endings.

Favourite Gallavich quote? "You're Under My Skin, Man." "What You And I Have Makes Me Free." "Hit My Husband Again, I'll Fucking Kill You." "Don't fucking tell me what's impossible! We're taking care of him here. You, me, us. His fucking family. "Fuck You, Fuck You, And Especially Fuck You!"

Anything else you’d like to share about yourself? I'm a bit of a shy introverted lurker and didn't understand at all how tumblr blogging system worked until that moment, usually I just threw my art and ran away. But now I'm watching how people do their posts (use a queue?? what). And I wasn't completely sure how to blog with drawings without turning it into something personal, but it seems that's the point of blog?

So I'm just getting used to everything and want to stay in the shameless fandom, because it's very nice to be here. You are all very nice people and I have already become attached to y'all.

Apart from anything else, I have a huge obsession. I constantly read something new that comes into my hands, and I have a lot of ideas for new arts. (I might even want to do an edit, but shhh, I'm not sure I'm really mentally ready yet haha).

So yeah, you are truly amazing and I hope to be more active in the fandom! <3

[yuseirra]

Songs are a very powerful medium to convey feelings, aren't they...I feel I might not have been able to draw as much as I did if Fatal didn't exist, that song is so powerful

Hikaru really misses Ai. He could give everything he has if he can just feel her again, but even that isn't enough no matter how he tries. That HUGE, lump of a longing just screams throughout the song, it's so desperate. Did he deserve that happening to him? Did he ask for it? I don't think that would be the case, I just don't see it being that way, it's like... He doesn't know what to do about that loss and he's stuck with that pain but refusing to let go of it because letting it go would be giving up that hope of ever seeing his love again... So I went, wow, he must really love her a lot for it to be this intense...; he cares about her more than anything else in the whole world, that's what the song's saying.

If Ai does love him back(which is what really was the case) then this feeling he has can be pretty significant. It's mutual and it holds way more meaning because they did want each other. This guy... Literally grew insane because he really couldn't bear her gone like that. Don't know how terrible he's become but, I really hope he had no part in Ai's death because god. They SAID he was once noble, a noble guy doesn't kill their gf, if I'm the writer I don't make that choice and if I did, I wouldn't describe them as noble...

How can you love someone that much..; it's pretty incredible the extent he loves her but tbh it's nothing so new because I do go for ships like that every single time. The character's just crafted in a way that makes him believe Ai is worth everything his life and more, and I do think Ai deserves a guy like that, someone to feel that way about her. It's that kind of story

Although it'd be really painful to lose someone like that, I still think it's a wonderful thing to have found someone you treasure more than your own life.. The outcome turned out to be (probably) really messed up and tragic but, it's... Still really fateful to have found someone you find that endearing, isn't it? Lately I keep finding a lot of work that deals with the theme of loss, there is loss because you loved something. The more dear it is, the more harder it would be to let go, and would you really have to let go? Is letting go "right"? Can anyone else really tell you you have to let go? It's something you have to come into terms within yourself, right? It makes me think. At least, your feelings are your own. The method of grieving.. Yeah, that I may not be able to agree with;(thank goodness it's fiction) but I feel the pain is something both very personal and yet so universal. Inevitable when you come to love something... It's sad it's inevitable. I might come to resonate with something like it even more as I go on living my life but I actually wish that day would never come XD.. That'd mean I'd have to be the first one to die out of all my loved ones, but I don't want that either, it's hard! I guess the only thing I can do is to love things while they're here with me. Yeah... That's the kind of thing I feel when I see these sorts of relationships in a medium.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

AO3 WRAPPED NUMBER 29 but i want u to give me ur top 3. or top 5 if u have a lot

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

MAC MY FRIEND MAC GHOSTIEZONE!!! my top fav passages i've written this year.... this is gonna take a while to answer i have so so many to choose from omg.... i'm gonna put this under a cut bc it is going 2 be Long (also i am going 2 tag u because idk if u have seen it yet and i v much want u to see the dstuck passage i'm posting it's got wilbur in it :3 @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone )

3: this one is from my ctubbo oneshot titled Harlequin that i wrote on impulse in early september. mac idk if u have read it but u should i think u would like it :3 the style of it is v experimental in a lot of places but i had SOOOOO MUCH FUN writing it and it's kinda angsty but the ending is sweet and i reread it and was like ;-; this fic was very much me projecting onto ctubbo OK HERE'S A QUICK PASSAGE :3

Tommy is your brother, you think, but not in the way he and Wilbur are brothers. They’re brothers in general, two different souls who experienced such different walks of life and stick together regardless, who follow each other to the ends of the earth no matter how wrong or bad one of them thinks the other is.

You and Tommy are more like... kindred spirits. Brothers in war, allies in politics, victims of abuse who pull each other up by your boot straps and lean on each other so you can keep going side by side.

It’s never just Tommy, or just Tubbo. It’s always Tommy and Tubbo.

Like one name.

TommyandTubbo. TubboandTommy. T+T.

Brothers in experience. Partners in life. Two sides of the same coin. Inseparable.

But that’s just the thing, isn’t it? You’re part of the same coin, but people look at you and see two heads, one on each side, no tails. Nothing at all to differentiate the two.

You could draw horns on one side and a white streak on the other, but at the end of the day they always see two copies.

When people run into you, they ask “Where’s Tommy?” “Do you know where Tommy’s been lately?” “What’s Tommy up to?”

You can’t always answer that.

For as much as you’re inseparable, sometimes you’re both alone for a bit. You always come back around like two magnets drawn to each other until something or someone yank you apart again.

You don’t like being a copy.

You don’t even know if Tommy realizes that’s what you are.

Tommy and Tubbo.

The main character and his sidekick.

He called you the main character once, during the Disc Confrontation, and himself the sidekick, and hearing that

it

actually made you

relieved.

Even if everyone else sees you as a second quieter Tommy, he doesn’t.

That counts for something.

2: MY VASHWOOD FIC Just As Beautiful As The Day I Lost You MY BELOVED <3 ughhhh writing this was so sad i genuinely cried doing it. the moment wolfwood remembers vash is what gets me. ik you've read it already but here's that one little passage here for u just for funzies <3 NOW CRY!!!!!!

The video stops.

Vash snaps his gaze to Rosewood. He’s trembling like a wet cat, hand poised over the spacebar. His breath hitches once, twice. He turns to Vash, slowly, just as tears begin to spill down his cheeks.

“What the hell, Needle Noggin,” he whispers. “What the fuck are you doing to me?”

Uncertainty is the only thing Vash can respond with. He steps closer, hand hovering over Rosewood’s shoulder. “I... don’t...”

Rosewood pushes the chair back, wooden legs scraping across the floor, doubles over, and buries his face in his hands. Vash takes that as a signal to do something, so he rests his hand on Rosewood’s back. After the comfort Rosewood gave him last night, it’s the least he can do, really.

Rosewood chokes back a sob. “I shouldn’t know these people,” he says, voice thick with tears. “How... do I know them? How do I know you?”

Vash’s heart leaps into his throat. He kneels in front of the chair so he’s level with Rosewood. “Do... Do you...”

Rosewood looks up, an angry furrow in his brow, even he wipes tears from his eyes. The expression is so incredibly Wolfwood that Vash doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“This past week has been fucking torture, Spikey. You—I saw you leave church last Sunday, and I didn’t even see any of this,” he gestures to Vash in general, the spikey hair, the glasses, the scars, “but you just—you stuck in my head and I couldn’t explain why. I... I still can’t.” He gives a wet laugh. “Humanoid Typhoon my ass. You’re more like a parasite.”

A lump forms in Vash’s throat, alongside something so bright and hopeful he feels dizzy with it. Hands shaking, unsteady like they’ve never been before, he reaches out, fingers brushing over Rosewood’s jaw. He wipes away a stray tear, stubble sharp beneath his thumb.

Rosewood sniffles, shakes his head. “Don’t look at me like that, Needle Noggin. I can’t take it when you smile like that.”

Vash swallows. As quiet as can be, barely any breath behind his voice, he says

“Wolfwood?”

A sob rips itself from the throat of the man in front of him. Vash catches him as he lunges from his chair and into Vash’s arms, heaving cries pressed into his shirt. Vash holds him tight, hands clenched in his jacket. The black poncho remains on Vash’s lap, pressed between them. A stray tear soaks into the fabric. It takes Vash a moment to realize it fell from his own face.

He's never been so uncertain in his life.

But whatever this is, whatever he’s awakened in the priest in his arms, whether it’s real or a delusion, he wants to keep it.

He tucks his face into the crook between a neck and a shoulder, and he cries.

1: i think my fav thing i've written this year would be the tntduo chapter of dstuck that i sent you a while ago BUT since u have already read that and it's wayyyy too long to put in one post i am going to choose a different dstuck thing. most of the passages i wanna put here would involve MAJOR SPOILERS but i have one chatlog between wilbur and one of the cherubs i'm putting in there to kind of sort of replace cdream (i don't like ccdrm but his character is Important so i basically split him in two as a cherub and changed his name). honestly it was kind of a hard decision to change his name bc he's such an iconic villain but i think i did ok with still capturing his Evilness and his shitty asshole vibes ANYWAY this is one of my fav parts of this chapter i love writing chatlogs <3 tw for ummm some brief suicidal ideation bc it's cwilbur that's how it goes

hi wilbur! IO: Ah fuck, what do you want? can’t i just say hi and see how you’re doing? IO: I mean, I can’t stop you, I guess. you’re getting closer and closer to entering this game. isn’t that exciting? IO: Sure. you don’t sound excited. :( IO: What do you mean? This is the picture of excitement. IO: Look at me, I’m jumping up and down with joy at the prospect. liar. IO: Fuck you. hey, now don’t be rude! we’re friends, aren’t we wilbur? IO: We were, yeah. IO: When I was like, twelve. IO: But you started bad mouthing my bro and the rebellion and being all shitty and manipulative, and I literally tried to kms whben I was fourteen because of the shit you’ve said so like IO: No I wouldn’t say we;re friends. but we’re past that! i’ve changed, wilbur. IO: Yeah yeah so you keep fucking saying. if we’re not friends, why do you keep responding? IO: Because you’ll keep fucking bothering me until I do it's just because i want to talk to you. is that really so wrong? IO: Yeah IO: I know the shit that you did to my bro and I don’t fucking much appreciate it that was ages ago! come on, wilbur. you’ll get me out of here, won’t you? IO: If I could kill you I would. man, tough crowd. i think you’ll come around eventually. and even when i do get out of here without your help, your bro is the first one i’ll go for. i’m sure you know this, because it happened in your past. and then i’ll go for the little one. your pen pal. :) he is your bro, after all, and yeah, maybe the older one will slip through my fingers, but your pen pal? he's still young. your bro will get away from me when we’re both older, but your pen pal won’t defeat me while he’s just a kid, and i’m a GOD. :)

The chatlog closes on its own.

He used to be nice, but you think it’s just because he wanted to be your friend. Or, at least, pretend to be your friend. He filled you in on a lot of information about your future and the game, about your upcoming journey as a Bard of Heart, how destructive the class is, how you’re fated to destroy everything you’ve ever held dear and harm the people you love, the nuances of your aspect, the role you’re meant to play in this game.

He called you a supernova in the making, a nuclear bomb waiting to go off, a personified Chernobyl in your own right. It sounded kind of cool at the time, but it placed this heavy weight on your shoulders, this expectation for destruction.

You’re pretty sure he lied about most of the stuff he’s told you, but you can never be sure. You’re set on relying on Phil’s foresight to tell you your role now, although he doesn’t have all the answers. Still, it’s better than running in blind with your only guidance being the ravings of a madman from the distant future. He used to be so kind, it was hard not to believe him.

He wasn’t so kind when you had a sword at your own chest.

[katzirra]

I sure do be feeling a lot of bad things about my relationship with art these days lmfao, and I really don't know how to fix them and overcome them anymore.

It's like... there's such conflict about like... if you complain about the nature of social media people either are like YEAH!! or there's this weird thing I'm seeing now where people are getting mad at people bringing up the importance of reblogs as like attention seeking begging and shit like?? LIKES ARE NICE, I LOVE LIKES but like reblogs are how people actually SEE your stuff?

A like is like ah nice, scrolls past, a reblog is like MAN I WANNA LOOK AT THIS LATER or like it MEANT something to someone. But people act like that's so wrong artists are bummed out over engagement with shit lmao?? We're just selfish little hogs or something.

Or there's like this long standing thing about artists being bothered they don't know what to draw to get that engagement and people are like "DRAW FOR YOURSELF!!" like bitch, I been doing that because tumblr and twitter fucking drove that nail in lobotomy style - and it's making me sad because I feel like the more I like a piece, the SADDER I am when no one else engages with it or it's like 25 people??

Felix use to get alarming notes at times, now it's like feh, nothing? So, I tried drawing for fandoms I was passionate in - which got me a lot of people I care for, but also a lot of needless drama I hated and didn't ask for and that caused a LOT OF ISSUES when I even TRIED to stay out of it LMAO good LORD.

Even doing the Xig blog lately, I've been like okay I'm gonna stick with it because a WEIRD AMOUNT OF PEOPLE engaged with that poll I posted and I was like okay, that's a substantial amount of people who want that content, and even on the blog itself THAT poll was like OH. OKAY?? Because honestly, I feel like I'm on a weird blocklist or something or people don't like my art in the fandom so it's a weird place to be for me :))!! But I know people send me really sweet messages sometimes or sometimes I get amazingly sweet tag comments or people REALLY like an answer to something and it tickles their brain and that makes me happy but like??

I spend hours on that shit and it barely hits 100 unless it's a meme post usually and I dunno, I feel selfish all the time for being bummed about that. I'll spend days on some of them and be like SO PROUD and then just - the low engagement I'm like man, am I wasting my time? AM I STUPID? AM I TOO OLD TO BE HERE NOW, TRYING TO MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY? IS MY ART BAD? IS IT?? DO I JUST SUCK??? AM I NOT SELF AWARE??

It's weird how I see so many times people like my style or whatever, and like I know people still stick around for it, and I see so many artists post such GRAB BAGS of fandoms and stay strong in engagement and I just always feel like I'm doing something wrong or bad lmao?? Not supposed to talk about your feelings anymore, but also supposed to be engaging and personal on this here hellsite lmao??

I've been doodling shit at work and just feel tired all the time because I don't even want to finish anything anymore. I thumbnail mini comics that are like 5-10 pages of things that I think would be nice to do, I thumbnail out the backgrounds, thumbnail out bigger samples of poses and stuff and feel a little excited about how nice I could make it, and I just... know the energy put into it wouldn't be worth it because it'll be something I finish and am excited to post and no one will care.

Okay not no one, but like who is really gonna put fucking hours and hours of work into something that's gonna fall flat on it's face. I do that enough already! I over the last few years have posted so much stuff I was actually proud of and just felt....stupid for being happy and no one engaging with it. And then feeling more stupid and GUILTY because I'm upset about it?? LMAO LIKE WHAT KIND OF EMOTIONAL GARBAGE IS THAT?? And I'm barely online these days too beyond randomly scrolling shit to see what my friends that I barely feel relevant to talk to are doing in their lives nfjgkh I've lost all personalableness... that's not a word but we keep goin' lmao

It's like boy howdy, this kinda like ennui gets met with the whole ooooh two cakes and ohhhh but it'll be someone's favorite and blah blah - PBBT PBBTTT PBTTTT I GET IT!! But like, I'm sorry, I need more validation that I'm not wasting my fucking time. Because that's kind of all I feel these days is that I'm just wasting my time... which is sad. But ya'know some asshole will also be like "so stop" like thanks, thanks kiddo. That's the kind of shit I need I guess. Just stop. Just give up!

It's like, keep struggling, or just stop. Both options kinda fucking blow. But I've also tried to just stop caring about numbers and engagement - but I've noticed all my friends have slowly stopped posting art too. Busy and tired.

I wanna be excited to post art again, man. I miss when I'd post Marvel shit and actually have hilarious engagement and made friends and had fun conversations.

I miss when I'd post a Xig post and I'd see a tag and end up having a conversation in someone's ask box back and forth because I made some little easter egg or HC they were really into and were curious about more.

I dunno :)) bitching for no reason I guess. Shuts up and draws my stupid little pictures.

I feel like the only reason I keep doing art anymore is because I'm grasping some thread of hoping social media flops over again an engagement booms again LMAO - and also like, I have 3 patrons that ya'know. I'M FUCKING TRYING TO KEEP DESPERATELY LMAO.... Patreon pays for my fucking vet bills at this point and I'm obnoxiously thankful for those people but just fuck idk.

I'm doing everything wrong anymore it feels like but whatever!!

Maybe I just don't try hard enough lmao. Just not meant to be an online artist anymore. After 20 years, I'm still fighting this hard for mild engagement? What kind of fuck up, am I lmao holy shit.

[b0nelessdoodles]

Art Summary 2023

shoutout to the one month were i drew fanart and then everything else was just dnd content again lmao (also shoutout to me being late to posting this haaaaa)

2023 wasn't the best year for me personally. between money problems and job searching, health issues, mental health issues, unintentional discomfort at my new job, and the overall issues of the world it just hasn't been great and I felt it heavily in my creativity. I never really had any creative highs this year outside of artfight (and even then i felt like i didn't do well) which only fed into some of the issues I was having.

But looking back I am really happy with most of what I made! Sure I didn't draw much but hey I think I popped off when I did!

So here is to 2024! Already off to a good start in the art department and even if I slow down at least I've had fun so far!

(i was gonna put me gushing about things in tags but its a lot so i'm doing a read more this post is already so damn long lmao i'm sorry)

okay i'm here to gush about two pieces at a time and their contents cause then make me happy to look at so lets get started on that with march and september 'cause hey! look at the relationship development of my little goblin guy!

march was when kk (tic's best friend and now boyfriend) first appeared to the rest of the party outside of just tic talking about him. literally the entire party could see that kk was in love with tic and was just like "oh buddy sorry about that" 'cause tic was a dumbass and romance was just never something he thought about until meeting the party. then we flash forward to september where the two confessed to each other after what really felt like the end of tic's story arc. at least it felt that way to me 'cause he reached his goal of killing groll and becoming the king of goblins but i know he still has shit to do I'M LOOKING AT YOU TRAVELLER AND RIP! but yeah that was the whole reason he left and it was done. he did it! but it almost cost him kk and the two ended up having a really important talk about it. kk chewed tic out and spilled his guts and i still think about it a lot holy shit it was so good omfg but it was in that moment that it clicked for tic. that if he had actually lost kk he had no idea what he would do, that he felt like his whole life would fall apart without him. and just man it was good wholesome content. congrats to the goblins for being the first canon relationship! (even tho they were not the first confession that one goes to rhami!)

now that that block of the text is out of the way we get to more depressing ones, those being january and october with my guy, dr. cecil wilfree.

its just.... man. what do i even say about him. january was probably the last moment before his life went into a full downward spiral, eventually leading into his demise. that piece isn't even anything major but rather something like a reminder going "hey, remember when wilfree had two normal eyes? good times!" and just man (-insert that image of a horse standing on the beach-) compare that to where he's at in october and knowing what happened in those 10 months? january he still had trust and hope, he believed that he was going to get back home and help river out with his plague, maybe even get aster home if she'd let them, maybe find a way to cure himself and help casey. but by the end there was no hope and he found out that he had been used, was nothing more than a tool for someone who he trusted, despite knowing that he really shouldn't have. river was dead and it was his fault (at least in his mind it was), he had failed to protect aster and traumatized both her and willow, and he could do nothing to save an entire population from being wiped off the face of the map. and he caved under the guilt. he gave up. its sad to see him alive and pissy in january and then look at december and see a shell of the same man, no more thoughts in that head as his mind got disconnected from his body and self.

and then for extra sads we've got december which was his birth month, so i drew something from a time before the campaign. back when he was alive and well, no soul curse and unknowing of the horrors yet to come, and receiving a gift from someone whose life he could soon destroy due to his own hubris.

anyway! pay no mind to may! i didn't draw a damn thing that whole month!

[ct-hardcase]

2023 art summary, coming in fashionably late. Director's commentary under the cut:

January: I feel proud of this one, but also feel kind of sad that over the course of a whole year, that January is the artistic highlight. I had a few free days at the beginning of the year where I was alone, and got this wild drive to draw something that I very rarely, if ever, get anymore, especially for a piece that includes a background. Pessimism aside though, I'm really happy with how this came out, barring some aspects of Kanan's facial anatomy I could improve on and Ahsoka's hand (I gave up here, don't look too closely). I've had the scene in my mind for a while, and I'm glad I could finally take it on artistically.

February: Yes, technically this was published in March. As far as I can find, this is possibly the only thing I drew in February, sketches included. I published it on twitter and tumblr in Feburary, fully intending to leave it at the flats, but decided to render a bit on 03/01. On account of my literally having nothing else for the month, I let it slide. I'm also happy to have finished a piece for Seventh/Fifth, and it received pretty decent reception considering it's a bit of a rarepair.

March: I didn't do much, but I did draw Trilla, Eighth, and Reva; and the dynamic has been shamelessly influenced by To Gain The Harbor on Ao3, which has occupied my head rent-free this year.

April: I actually drew two things this month, but I chose Voe, since I always have to have my annual Voe in these, and I'm really happy with how I drew her, here. It's also unpictured due to the formatting constraints, but this one also contained one of my best Kylos. 

May: Work started getting very busy here (and never really stopped), so this is where ~sketch season~ starts. I noticed that I sketched a lot of sitting and kneeling this year, which is a bit of a flex, since I've historically had trouble with that (and am still not perfect, but getting there).

June: Credits to Senshistock for the pose here, but I decided to focus back in on anatomy, which was honestly driven by my beginning to consistently exercise for the first time since college—I got a lot more in tune with the practical aspects of how my own and other bodies could move, and though a lot of my poses are static, I find that it's a pretty big influence on my art this year.

July: It's at this time that my love for Reva also turned a corner—I objectively loved her as a character from the beginning, but around this time or June is when she rocketed herself to my third-favorite (hehe) inquisitor. She really grips me as a character, and she featured pretty prominently in my art this year.

August: Was busy touching grass this month, so didn't do a ton of drawing, but did a quick sketch of a village babushka.

September: I decided to color a drawing of Samantha Trapp and Kilner from We Fix Space Junk, which has carried me through many a hard day, and while the drawing feels just a little off, I think I at least somewhat maintained my ability to color something in.

October: I decided to treat myself and buy some fancy pens, and decided on the Sarasa pens on a whim. While they haven't been the cure-all to my art block, they are so much fun to draw in, and about half my sketches from October-present have been with these. Also, Rey!

November: Reva brainrot feat. The Grand Inquisitor. A friend and I were talking over an AU where the Grand Inquisitor (as a Jedi) takes Reva on as his Padawan, and I had to draw it.

December: I sketched a fair bit this month, but decided to go with Eighth.

[linagram]

if the prisoners got put into subunit type groups of 3-4 (sorta like in Love Live! if you're familiar) who would be put together? What sort of aesthetics would they have and what kind of songs would they sing?

SORRY FOR SUCH A LATE REPLY ANON i got really excited bc i actually was thinking about something like an idol au with my prisoners and i also was a huge love live fan (still like it, just haven't really been keeping up with it) and i wanted to draw something with that concept, but. some things got in the way 😔

anyway, here are the (sub)units! >:D

yep, the high schoolers are in the same unit here! i thought that maybe their aesthetic would be something like. a high school rock band :'D?? i imagine their songs being really fun and energetic most of the time, but having really sad lyrics sometimes, like when you listen closely, you'll go ".. hey, wait a minute, is this song actually about feeling extremely lonely and feeling like nobody cares about you".

riku would be the leader of the group, even though akio is the one who always likes to be in charge. (or at least that's what akio says. it's hard to say who actually was in charge when he was dating arata) come on, he's the popular boy, he's loved by everyone, who else would it be?

riku would also have the same role he had in his canon band: he would be the vocalist and the guitarist.

honestly, i think keyboard would fit both akio and aimi, but if i had to choose, i think akio would be the keyboardist. aimi can be the drummer! i know that this sounds surprising, but this girl has a lot of energy and she also wouldn't want to stand out much, she'd rather let akio and riku take the spotlight, so she'd be fine with that role.

yes, if you remember one detail of arata's design, you can see that akio is matching with him. i can see akio and arata breaking up in this au and akio getting a crush on riku (just like in canon, mostly bc he simply reminds him of arata), but still wearing stuff like matching accessories to remember his ex.

and yes, he'd also get at least one of his ears pierced to match with riku too. DUDE JUST CHOOSE ONE OF THEM. OR DATE BOTH OF THEM. IDK MAKE YOUR CHOICE ALREADY 😭😭

I FORGOT RIKU'S MAKEUP JUST PRETEND IT'S THERE.

aimi is wearing a black shirt instead of white just like akio and riku for no particular reason, i just thought she looks better in it. there are other ways to interpret it though.

arata knows about akio being in this band and he has actually listened to some of their songs. he doesn't really care about him anymore though. akio has already served his purpose.

THESE GUYS WERE THE FIRST UNIT I'VE CAME UP WITH LIKE I KNEW I HAVE TO PUT THEM IN ONE GROUP. do not separate them (please separate them they are so codependent even though their relationship brings them nothing but pain P L E A S E)

what can i say. they're the fanservice gang. they exist to make people simp for them and that's it. their songs are either very cool and fun and they sound like something from giga and/or reol or they sound like something from. uh. i don't know. a kpop dominant bf playlist (it makes sense in my head. it does).

i don't think they'd actually have a leader, but if they had to choose, it would most likely be eiko simply because she's the most "normal" one of them and she knows how to act in public and how to make people fall in love with her and find her attractive without being weird or creepy. she's also the one who comes up with excuses and explanations whenever someone catches kei or shun doing something. something that can potentially ruin their reputation.

all of them are vocalists and someone else writes music for them (imagine if it was ruka). shun is mostly there for the quiet parts or rapping parts, meanwhile kei and eiko are the ones who do most of the singing. kei is very well-known for his vocal range because he can easily go from a very high-pitched voice to a very deep one in a few seconds.

both kei and eiko are good at dancing, however shun still has to learn a lot and it can be hard for him to memorize the choreography.

I CAN STILL IMAGINE HIM BEING THE MOST POPULAR ONE. like there'd be so many yt compilations of him doing silly things and people would go "HE'S SUCH A FAILGIRL I LOVE HIM".

kei tries so hard to keep up his "alpha male" image that their agency has came up with but his fans keep insisting that he's actually this group's babygirl. he doesn't know what to do with this information.

eiko does not like most of her male fans and would rather not interact with them at all, but hey, she still enjoys the attention.

LISTEN. this unit kinda looks like i just put all the prisoners that i couldn't find a unit for together and you're right, but also.. i've been thinking about these characters' parallels a lot.

anyway, naomi, yurika, asahi and reina would actually be in an idol group! yay! hm? what is an 11-12 y/o boy doing with a 30 y/o woman and girls who are in their early twenties? uh. he's there for an emotional support in case they want to squish someone's cheeks, i guess.

i think naomi would be their leader as the oldest one and the one who, again, is the most "normal" one (at least on the outside), but i can imagine all of them being very popular for different reasons? like i can imagine a lot of people simping for naomi or just genuinely loving her singing, people thinking asahi is cute and very talented for his age and yurika and reina fans finding them relatable and funny.

i think naomi would have the best vocals in the group, meanwhile reina would be more of a rapper or just have the parts that require someone to sing in a more quick manner. yurika and asahi would have very soft and cute vocals which are perfect for idol songs.

yes, some of the details on their outfits are the same color as their second image color.

asahi would most likely be a nepo baby who got into this group only because of his adoptive parents.

"does naomi still want to kill asahi" yes.

similar to eiko, yurika does NOT like her male simps, but whenever she sees a cute girl holding a lightstick that is her image color. that's it, she's blushing, she's giggling, she's kicking her feet. it doesn't matter to her if she's performing rn.

reina would be the one with the biggest number of funny youtube compilations, i just know it.

[grayoil]

Mexican cartel claymation videos and Tim Firth

I’ve been thinking a lot about violence lately and how we depict it. How far is too far? Is the depiction of hyper violence in visual arts romanticization or just an acknowledgment of what is already all around us? Is there a point, does there have to be one? Most of the time violence is totally avoidable, yet we are surrou-nded by it. If art is just a reflection of society and we already live in a world filled with meaningless blood, death and gore is it unfair to dismiss this art as being pointless?

What if you recreated the brutalization and death of a person? 

I was watching the video YouTube‘s Unwatched Horrors [Vol.2] and it introduced me to the channel Tim Firth. Most of their videos get 40 or a few hundred views. Through claymation, they re-create videos of fights, gore, Mexican cartel videos and videos in Ukrainian using the same audio. But they also make their own short films-ish. They have a playlist called Hand Sketch Animation, I don’t really know how to describe it so if you’re curious go watch it.

I think there most popular video is Mexican Chainsaw Video, re-creating an infamous video that want around the Internet of the cartel killing and torturing two men. This strangely enough, is a genre in its own right. Not all of these claymations are recreating real videos, though they often use real audio of shootings. Cicada Cult Studios is another channel that depicts gang warfare and shootings. Unlike Tim Frith they don’t seem to re-create real life events but that does not make the subject matter of these animations any less real.  

In the video titled Warfare Shooting Gun Fight Stop Motion Claymation one commenter writes “ dang dude this is art…. No glory no happy endings, no one wins... just sadness, suffering, and death.” Despite the real intentions of the creator, whatever they may be and you or my personal feelings, these animations speak to a truth that people connect with. 

After I watched a fair amount of Tim Firth’s videos and watched their YouTube shorts, I was left wondering why? What is the commentary? Is this just for pure fun, a morbid fascination? Yes Why recreate this through stock motion? I don’t think I’ll ever get an answer, but it left me thinking.

If nothing else go watch the Hand Sketch Animation videos. It could be me being delusional, but I do think there’s genuine social commentary in this playlist and even if there isn’t and its all just totally meaningless crude drawings, I don’t care because I connected with them.

One things for certain and it’s that I’m probably an idiot for overthinking all this. Here’s a film review of Wolfs

[multi-dudes]

some things I've found out this week

journaling has been my lifeblood. there's a specific alter/fragment (🌼) who has been going absolutely ham, writing a lot and having a lot of worries and fears to say. and I've come to find we'll come back to the writings later and someone else will write something back. or in the case of 🍊, he's able to pop in quickly between writings and I'm assuming the two of them communicate best that way. I've noticed handwriting does change and some alters struggle to even physically write. I do too but I always chalked it up to my wrist deformity, but it seems like 🌼 can do for a long time without any pain, when she feels more pain usually than almost any of us that I know of. or maybe that was a good couple of days. idk

aforementioned fragment has actually written most of the posts here, but we both thought we were more of each other. and oftentimes it's hard to seperate who's who and I'm sure there are either fragments of me in me with the shit I've been through thr past few years but I guess we'll see about that. I think she is developing a different identity now but we both feel too linked to seperate cleanly. but we act very different now that we can pinpoint what it feels like.

she also holds most of our memories and masking. when she gives out at the end of the workday I sometimes feel straight up catatonic. I've always done that but now that I know someone else is holding the fort and basically collapsing when we get home is both crazy and sad. it makes several parts of this brain feel like they want to step in and do something. even though I only know like three or four now

three of us have drawn ourselves at different times of the day and they look completely different which is personally tripping me out not even gonna lie. we all focus on different methods, different importance, and the art styles are subtly different just like handwriting. like 🌼 draws like I did as a kid but with some more of my current skills level. same with 🍊, the type of art style I did when I think he formed, and the same things I struggled with then rather than now. it's not foreign but it's not the same.

it also explains my current art struggles a whole fucking lot. got a whole bunch of people in me with conflicting interests that I don't agree with so half of "me" comes out unsatisfied no matter what

🍊 is best at self care but doesn't always front and that's okay. generally has the track record of least executive dysfunction but is debuffed with so much autism and so little masking that he generally only comes out when physically we're alone, and is the easiest to realize is switching

🌼 comes out for almost everything even remotely stressful and is almost omnipresent. whenever we have a headache it's usually her I think

💋 seems cool but only comes out in very specific circumstances. but acts really different. also drew herself

there are no alters that represent anything familial so far, to me

I/we have been having so much dissociation lately. I've given up on hobbies for a bit and I feel no motivation to do anything. I'm still taking my Adderall just because it helps me get out the door and focus at work and honestly sometimes helps the dissociation be less drastic. but there have been several days this week where we just have to sit for hours doing literally nothing, even if we want to do a very specific thing. and also feeling like nobody and nothing at all. just totally shut down. and I am the host and I've barley been present for a fat minute but I also feel like everyone else all at once. I'm used to that feeling though

🍊 claimed a plushie as his own to represent him in the physical world. am thinking of doing the same because that's so fun

[my-gf-is-kazuichi-soda]

Hey no hate, you realize that you’re literally in love with your own version of Kazuichi right? Literally no one in this entire world thinks of Kazuichi the same way as you.

Heeheehee, yes! Ngl my ego is having a feast with that last sentence.

You've unlocked an essay! Have fun reading lol.

Honestly though, I do think of my Kazuichi as an extension of the og Kazuichi, but like, in a different timeline. Not an entirely different personality, even if it seems like that because I draw fanart of her at different points in time without much of an explanation.

I've been thinking about that rule of fandoms post I reblogged earlier. I feel like I only barely scratched the surface of a thought with my tags, but I only had a few minutes left in my break at work. Also, wasn't sure how personal I wanted to get on someone else's post.

At what point does fan-written character development end and "an entirely new character, completely different from the original" begin? Even characters in canon, written differently in some way, can be considered "not canon" by fans. Take "modern-day" Simpsons for example; there was one segment from a "recent" episode (honestly, I don't remember how long ago I heard this statement, so "recent" could mean anywhere from the past 10 years) where Bart genuinely asks "what's the 90s?" This made a lot of people angry, because Bart Simpson was a staple of the 1990s that embodied the vibes of that era, so hearing him say this felt like a far cry from his old self. This Bart is technically "canon," but a lot of people would argue that this is Not Bart Simpson.

Another example is Steven Universe Future. I did not like that epilogue season. I liked the 12-to-14 year old Steven's optimism, and it felt like they strayed so far from his character to have this kindhearted, loving character become so selfish and bitter and, there's no way to explain it without spoilers but he commits an act so heinous that I honestly felt like they took his blind rage too far just for shock value and sacrificed the entire character for it. But, some things just don't reach everybody. What I saw as "That's Not Steven", some people were able to enjoy and get a cathartic story of someone healing from trauma (I wish I felt the same about that show). For me, it was painful to watch, and I only finished the season to end my anxiety about it, seeing him get worse and nothing get better at the end of each episode was bringing me to tears ("Then how can you play Danganronpa if you're so sensitive?" you might ask? I have different expectations and standards for an edgy murder game for teenagers than I would for a kids' cartoon. I'm less shocked when violent acts happen in Danganronpa or Family Guy than I was at Steven Universe Future). Anyway I would consider this version of Steven Universe's character "not canon," and I cringe when people bring up his character in Steven Universe Future as canon, despite that, yeah, it's canon. It's canon but I hate that it's canon.

Anyway, I have a point here, and it is that what is considered strict canon to some may be considered more loosely by others. And fandoms are where we should be free to explore ideas that the writers cant do, whether it's because it doesn't fit the themes, or it isn't "marketable," or it's because the canon writers wouldn't come up with it, or just simply because you wanted to see it and no one can stop you. I understand some people have ideas about characters you'd want to keep the same, I do too! I hate when people reduce Kazuichi to just "fuckboy who flirts with Sonia and parties all the time and is really dumb" (tell me you fell for Kazuichi's act without telling me you fell for Kazuichi's act) or "sad pathetic meow meow" (like, aside from the "blorbo" language, this feels like one part of Kazuichi that gets misunderstood as the entirety of Kazuichi. Kazuichi can be pretty badass.)

Fandoms have been getting more picky and hostile lately (I'm realizing I have too, so I'm working on that), and I think we could all benefit from letting go of some of our stricter ideas about "sticking to canon" and being more easy-going about people writing a character differently than you would, especially because it's fanon. Because we're doing this on our own volition and not for a paycheck. Because kids writing for the first time shouldn't feel like quitting if they can't make the characters "on-model" or "in-character."

Also, Danganronpa at times is kind of poorly written and sexist, so why should I have to stress over adhering to the standards set by those writers and then carried on by teens in the fandom (who might be looking at it uncritically, not that I blame them they're still learning) when I can set some standards of my own?

The "canon" version of Kazuichi, according to the spinoff games I never played, is that she's forever doomed by the narrative to spend at least three years after graduation still pining over the same damn character who has repeatedly shown no interest. Also, doomed to keep the same appearance that she canonically doesn't like (and everyone else also looks exactly the same as their child selves). Like, this is the same character who changed her appearance in middle school because she was sick of being taken advantage of by people who didn't give a rats ass about her. There were other reasons too, but I feel like nobody talks about this one in particular: she wanted to change, so she did. So why does she need to keep the same appearance after that, when she's older and the stakes are lower and she's gone through so much and gotten some development in the second game's end? The meta reasons are so that Spike Chunsoft doesn't have to pay someone to update the sprite model, because Kazuichi is recognizable (marketable) in her canon look, and because it's easier to leave everything the same.

Personally, I wouldn't mind if Kazuichi wanted to keep the same appearance, that's what attracted me to her in the first place. But she herself isn't happy with it (evidence: the last FTE). I just filled in some blanks in the story in my own way, because there's a lot of ways to interpret her character and they don't have to fit in with whatever canon says is the way. I don't 100% trust Hajime's word, Chunsoft's word, or what other fans have to say. I'll listen to it, though, but yeah I am going with my own interpretation.

Don't worry, when I say "Kazuichi is a girl because I said so" I do mean my Kazuichi (and whoever else wants to make Kazuichi a girl, which, go for it!). I don't mean "I'll fight you on it if you think differently." My ideas for Kaz are just one possibility for her, there's tons of others and they're valid whether I personally care for them or not. I don't mind boy Kazuichi at all! I just...I love girls...so she is a girl. In my heart. On another level, I was tired of boy characters getting the cooler designs that don't have a boob focus, so when I saw her I was like "that one has to be a girl! I'm claiming her right now. And probably also a lesbian, just because!" And then I ended up adoring her, because she's so adhd/autistic and I relate a lot to her struggles in socializing and making friends. I hate when people say she's "not emotionally mature enough for friendships/relationships" (that's such a mean statement! I've heard it before about myself. It hurts to hear. ;-; It sounds very victim-blamey.) Yeah, her social problems from autism/adhd definitely play a large role in her problems in making and keeping friends, but another large reason she struggles is because other people don't get her, and that's not her fault. She tries, she tries way harder than I did when I was a teenager to make everyone like her, and it doesn't work, because other people can be shallow assholes who see a "weird kid" and just don't care. I'm not saying that's everybody who doesn't want to be friends with her, Kazuichi can also be mean and push people away and also can be bad at reading the room, but her struggle to make friends is not all everyone else's fault just like it's not all her fault. Some people just have too much neurodivergent swag or uncanny valley for others to get us. So we need to find each other.

Anyway, wow I guess I really needed to talk. It frustrates me that so much of my story is only in my head right now. I want to actually show the progression of Kazuichi's character (so that her character progression looks less like "I just pulled this out of my ass" and more like "I swear guys, I'm actually going somewhere with this! It'll make sense later!") and my s/i's character progression too (in the fanfic we grow alongside each other and because of each other), but it takes time to write a story when I'm also learning the work-life balance. This was my first year having a "real job" and of living alone, I basically get home after the 8 hours of busywork and then get to drawing Kazuichi and watching cartoons and playing video games. Trying to be really patient with myself.

[izzydeadjet]

Man I dunno if this is stupid but lemme be real for a minute here.

I saw this art and I was like, "Wow I love this art it's just such a feast for the eyes. I wish I could draw like this..." Then I went on a whole journey of self-reflection over this.

First of all, I felt sad that drawing like this would take a lot of effort and motivation that I just don't seem to have for art lately. I was sad about that, but then I remembered that someone IS drawing like this. I don't need to draw like this because someone else is doing it and I get to enjoy their art! I hope that shamerli keeps making art so that I can enjoy looking at it.

And now I wonder if anyone sees my art and has the same thoughts I just did. I always see my art as mediocre and boring and I just lose confidence to finish things. Does anyone think about my art after they've seen it? Does anyone wish they could draw like me? It's crazy for me to even consider that...

I dunno, it's kinda been a real boost for me. Maybe I should get back into making things again. The last thing I made was a whole-ass 3D model and I got so many compliments about it and just... never made anything else after that??? Why not??? I really enjoyed it and I'm past doing things purely for likes and views. They mean nothing compared to connecting with people. I think that's why I've been lazy about making a portfolio or posting stuff on social media.

Anyways, sorry to hijack an art reblog with some deep, philosophical shit. What better place to dump your wee heart-thoughts than on your Tumblr?

[rokuhatake]

New Year's Pt.2 18+

Warnings: 18+ (no minors), inexperienced!reader, tiny bit of jealousy, oral (m&f receiving), pet names, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex (please be smarter than Kakashi & reader here), fingering, lil bit of choking, praise, lots of making out lol

A/N: Sorry it's late and kinda short, I hope you enjoy nonetheless!

Word Count: 2.7 K

Who knew a first kiss could be so desperate, so full of need? You didn’t quite understand your feelings for Kakashi before, and you’ll admit that the alcohol led you here tonight – or morning, rather- but the way he kisses you has sobered you right up. You were drunk and silly for coming here, not even truly knowing the reason why, but now his hands are gently grasping your neck, and you’re opening yourself up for him. He wants more, and you’ll gladly give it. 

You become pliable for him while he gropes you. It feels like the natural thing to do, to allow him your body, your lips. It’s all his now, and he uses you expertly.  

His tongue is addicted to the taste of you, never once leaving your mouth while his curious hands explore your skin. Goosebumps chase after his fingertips anywhere he touches you, and he’s satisfied with how noisy you’ve become. He wonders...how many men have been able to make you feel this way? Jealousy takes the reins in his head, causing his grip to tighten around your throat.  

Much to your displeasure, he stops kissing you; but now you can view him in his full glory. You feel love-drunk, maybe a bit silly as well; you just cannot stop staring. The two of you share something intimate now. You share a secret, one he’s never given to someone else.  

“Did you wear this, hoping I would see it?” he ponders hotly while tugging at your tight dress. You nod with a sexy grin on your face. Impossibly, he thinks he’s fallen harder for you. “Fuck...” he draws out before pulling you back in.  

In a moment, his hands are groping you again, now with more urgency. He wants to peel that annoying dress off of you and worship your skin, adorning it with his love marks. He wants to hear how loud you can really be, and he especially wants to hear you call out his name. That’s the first goal, he thinks, to make you scream for him.  

His attention turns to your neck, particularly the spot that makes you arch into his embrace. Already, a dark mark has bloomed, and you don’t seem to mind; he thinks you might actually love it.  

As he makes his way towards the peak of your breasts, he feels your body stiffen ever so slightly, and he removes himself. “You okay?” His throat feels blocked, but he tries his best to sound soft with you. Your cheeks are warm underneath his fingertips, and he searches your face for emotion. You seem...nervous, and of course that rubs off on him.  

“What’s wrong?” He cups your face with such anxiety, you feel sad for him. “Nothing, nothing, I promise. I just uhhh...I dunno. I didn’t prepare myself for this...” He’s confused. Prepared what? 

“What do you mean?” He speaks softly, still caressing your face in his hands. You feel hot and slightly at a loss for words. That alcohol was not strong enough for this.  

“You know...I would have made myself look nicer if I had known the night would end this way.” He grins at you, modestly amused. You could have shown up in oversized pajamas, his reaction would be the same. The dress is lovely but only because it’s you who’s flaunting it.  

He leans into you, kissing the color from your cheeks. “You always look amazing to me,” he murmurs into your hot skin while leaving wet kisses across your throat. You can’t stay nervous around him, not while he’s complimenting you between kisses.  

“Anytime I see you...” he moves your hand to squeeze his crotch, “...you do this to me.” Your innocent look of surprise makes him stir in your hand. “I really could care less if you’re prepared, I always want you.” His voice is richer than you’ve ever heard, it sends shivers through your muscles.  

As if by instinct, his name drops gracefully from your lips; but before you can say more, he silences your voice with a sloppy kiss. You feel dizzy again.  

He can tell you don’t know what to do; your hand hasn’t made any movements of its own. Your only guide is his hand over yours, rubbing just how he likes it. He’s trying to make sure you’re comfortable, but it’s growing harder for him to maintain his cool composure while your hand grows more curious in its exploration of his body.  

Kakashi resumes his work on your breasts, groaning while he sucks onto the supple skin. Your grip is tight around his cock, and you whisper his name, “Ka-kashi...” It’s a desperate whine, and his body responds immediately.  

He’s too impatient; he’s waited long enough to have you, and now you’re here, in his arms with your hand grasping his cock. Why should he make himself wait any longer?  

Without a word, Kakashi gently nudges you towards the largest couch in his living room, never daring to stop kissing your skin. Once the cool leather touches your thighs, you plop down obediently; but he doesn’t join you.  

Kakashi has an idea...you can see it in that devilishly handsome smile.  

“Will you do something for me?” He requests softly while brushing a few loose strands of hair away from your eyes. You’re curious...you have no desire to deny him, so you nod enthusiastically. That seems to please him, and something within you burns with pride.  

He leans to place a chaste kiss upon your lips, then begins to unbutton his pants. Excitement pools into your panties...he wants to use your mouth. Kami, you think you may overheat.  

Once his boxers are removed, your eyes go wide. Surely, he can’t expect you to fit all of that down your throat. You sneak a glance at his face, only to find him grinning at you while he strokes his cock.  

“What’s the matter?” he cocks his head playfully to the side. “You’ve never sucked on something this big?” He reaches to caress your warm cheek with his free hand, still stroking his cock with the other. You shake your head ‘no’. “I’ve never...I mean-not even...”  

Kakashi’s eye widens. That can’t be possible; if he wasn’t about to fuck your throat, he might be annoyed with the obviously daft men of Konoha.  

“That’s okay, Pretty, let me show you how.” His thumb strokes your cheek while you move to the edge of the cushion. His erection is intimidating, too intimidating; you have to maintain eye contact with Kakashi while he moves himself closer to your mouth.  

“Now, just take the tip into your mouth...and start off slow.” He can hardly get the words out. Preferably, he would just take your throat then and there without mercy, but he won’t have you getting scared on him.  

Instead, he gently guides his cock towards your swollen lips, and you give him one more look before bravely taking him into your mouth, just how he instructed. The hiss he releases scares you, but his fingers tangled in your hair ensures that you can’t remove yourself. You look up to him, wondering if you did something wrong when you see the crimson of his sharingan glaring back at you. You moan around his cock, instinctively taking more of him into your mouth while you hollow your cheeks around the length.  

The idea of going down on a man had always made you nervous. Your sexual experience is already minimal at best, but no one had ever seemed interested in using your mouth. After tonight though? You can’t understand that anxious feeling.  

This is fun for you; it’s like your own secret experiment. You’re exploring what makes Kakashi noisy, and you’ve concluded that he loves the back of your throat. Anytime you push yourself to your limits, to where you’re gagging around his length, his eyes roll while incoherent curses spill from his lips. You want him to stop holding back, you can tell he is.  

Your eyes lock with his while you regress to more gentle sucking, and you whine around him.  

“What is it, Pretty?” He grins down at your messy face. Of course, you have no way to tell him what you want, so you place your hands on his hips, then push them towards you. This time, you gag harder than before, but Kakashi gets the hint.  

“Oh...you want me to use your mouth?” He bites his lower lip, dying to fulfill that fantasy of his. When you nod wildly around his cock, something inside of him snaps.  

Without wasting anytime, Kakashi tightly grips your hair and leads you onto his cock. He hardly gives you time to recover when you gag, he just sends you down the thick length again and again. You can’t help but lock eyes with him while he fucks your throat, and the sight almost makes him cum. He’s not ready for that.  

Suddenly, his cock is no longer in your mouth, and you’re panting while drool spills from your lips.  

“Come with me.” Kakashi’s voice is clipped while he pulls you from the couch and into his arms. He kisses you deeply before leading you to a closed door that you presume is his bedroom.  

Kakashi wastes no time now; as soon as your bottom touches the edge of his bed, he’s kneeling before you, sliding his fingers towards your damp panties.  

This is yet another act you have no experience with. You’re starting to think your prior “experience” is child's-play compared to this.  

“Kakashi...” you whisper. He hums into your hot skin. “I’ve never done this either.” Your words make him stop. Now he really is annoyed. How could someone completely neglect your needs, when all he wants is to devour you? He’s been hungry for you for years, and you gave yourself to men who couldn’t take care of you. He’s livid.  

He doesn’t say a word, only nudges your legs open for him so he can easily slide down your panties. Once he eyes your glistening cunt, his mouth waters. He won’t waste any time on words. He just wants to make you scream; and you do.  

His mouth latches around your sensitive clit and he sucks until you’re arching towards the sky while incoherently chanting his name. Just what he likes to hear... 

He smiles impishly over your folds, then eases a single finger into your dripping hole. You seem overstimulated from the added pressure; you’re shaking furiously, fingers grasping desperately into his silver locks. He tries to look at your face, but your head is thrown back into the mattress. He immediately doesn’t like that.  

“Look at me,” he demands. It takes you several seconds before you can obey him, but when you do, the image almost makes you cum. His sharingan is still glaring at you, and he looks gorgeous with his mouth on your cunt. Now, you can’t look away.  

“K-Kaskashi!” You pant. “I’m so close...” Your voice is barely audible, and he can see your eyes begin to close. For the first time, he slaps your thigh. “Don’t look away from me, Pretty, or I’ll stop.” His threat makes you whine, but of course, you obey.  

He pushes deep into you, deeper than before, and continues to suck on your clit. The stimulation is too much, and within seconds, you’re orgasming around his finger while calling out his name.  

He creeps up your body, slowly peeling the dress with him while he softly shushes you. Once your hips are bare to him, he leaves a trail of wet kisses on your skin, leisurely working his way towards your breasts.  

You lift your arms to allow the dress over your body, and he admires your choice to forgo a bra; it allows him to suck them into his mouth once they’re revealed to him.  

He thinks he’ll play with you for a bit, maybe allow you to gather yourself before he continues his rough fucking.  

You notice suddenly, Kakashi is still wearing clothes; you’re completely naked. A frown forms on your lips. “Why aren’t you naked?” You whine softly. The vibration of his laugh on your skin tickles.  

“How thoughtless of me,” he leans to place a sloppy kiss on your lips. “Let me fix that for you.” With a grin, he sits up straight and effortlessly removes this navy long sleeve. Though you’ve already had his cock down your throat this morning, you can’t stop the blush that warms your cheeks. He’s too sexy, in all of his naked, muscular glory. You don’t fail to notice the scars marring his otherwise perfect skin; and you silently promise to give them your full attention later.  

The way you blush for him pokes and prods at his impatience, he can’t keep waiting.  

“Can I have you, Pretty?” His hardened length slides along your folds while he nips at the sensitive skin of your neck. You don’t fully understand his question, so you give a safe answer, “You can have all of me, Kakashi.”  

He groans before nudging into you without warning; your words are wearing down his resolve.  

Even if he wanted to, you’re too tight for him to sheath his length in your cunt. He has to work just the tip in, over and over; he thinks you might cry from the teasing. Already, you’re begging him to fill you up.  

“Please Kakashi...” you pant for him. “Please stop teasing.” Your plea is weak, it’s not enough to satisfy his perverted desires.  

He continues to tease, even when he knows you’re aroused enough to take his cock. Until you beg properly, he won’t fuck you properly.  

“Tell me what you want, use your words,” he commands softly. You whine at first, but you’re not able to deny him.  

“I wanna feel you deeper...” He continues his torturous pace, still not satisfied. “Need to feel you deeper Kakashi! I’ve wanted you for so long, please don’t make me wait anymore.” Tears are hiding in the corners of your eyes while you desperately try to move your hips against his grip.  

Luckily for you, he’s finally satisfied. Actually, more than satisfied; he’s fucking elated. You’ve finally confessed to him, told him everything he needs to hear. He doesn’t waste a second before bottoming out inside of you.  

Pain shoots through his back from your tight grip, but he doesn’t let it stop him for a moment. He’s relentlessly pounding into you while he watches your face contort with pleasure. You’ve probably never had it this good, he thinks. He promises to change that forever.  

While grasping your face in his hands, he makes you lock eyes with him. “Tell me how long you’ve been waiting for this...tell me how badly you’ve wanted me.” He knows speaking will be difficult for you, he just wants to play with you some more.  

“I - Ah! Kakashi...I’ve wanted this, I’ve wanted you for so long.” He bottoms out inside of you, pushing as deep as he can. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve straddled my pillow, wishing it was you instead.” Impossibly, he quickens his pace, hastened by your confessions. “You’re the only person who’s made me cum without even being there.”  

It’s too much for him; while trying to overstimulate you, he’s overdone himself. He’s closer than he wants to be, and he's about to pull out before you lock your legs around his hips. “Please don’t stop,” you beg hotly. “I’m so close, ah! Please ‘Kashi.” Your babbling drives him crazy, and he’s too lost in desire to worry about not wearing a condom. If he was totally honest with himself, the thought only drives him wilder.  

Your orgasm shocks you, the intensity of it almost mind-numbing as Kakashi finishes inside of you. This sensation is addictive, you think.  

He doesn’t pull out, nor does he stop rocking into you. He’s surprised even himself; no one has ever kept his dick this hard. Like a man obsessed, he buries his face in your breasts, sucking roughly on the skin there.  

“I can’t get enough of you...” he confesses to your skin. “You’ve made me wait too long... I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.” He grins devilishly at you. “Do you want me to stop?” He rocks deep inside of you, pulling a gasp from your lips.  

“Please...” you beg hotly. “Please, don't stop.” He throws his head back before pounding into you once again, fully intending to head your desire.  

He no longer feels guilt for missing your party; having his way with you, even after the sun comes up, is more than worth it.