#been busy all day with appointments
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oh hey, samesies on the Christianity thing
I'm going somewhere that has shells soon? So I'll try that out! Thanks for the idea :D
hell yeah! good luck and I hope u have fun :]
#not stim#sorry for not answering this sooner#been busy all day with appointments#asks#tw religion#<- mentioned
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Back on my meds, making a damn decent paycheck despite how many days I had to take off this month, my mom’s feeling better now that she’s home and we’ve figured everything out, our neighbor’s gonna build us a wheelchair ramp for cheap, and my dad miiiiiiiiight be buying a new car as we speak 🤞 (my mom just can’t get into the truck anymore, and she hasn’t wanted to drive her two seater for a while now, so we’re trading it for something practical). Things are finally going fairly well, all things considered ❤️
#she speaks#after the absolute hell we’ve been in all October I think we deserve a fucking break#hopefully this post doesn’t jinx the car lol#we’re keeping the truck obv cuz like we got livestock#but the lil beamer has got to go unfortunately#sad it’s a fun lil car#but it hasn’t been getting the love it deserves and it’s time for something more suited to our needs as a family#kinda exciting really I hope we get it#we all fucking hate spending money so both my parents have been waffling on it for a couple of days#but like I told them mama you got a doctor’s appointment next week for your g tube#and then a hospital follow up with our pcp the week after that#and you’re gonna have to see a gi and a nutritionist pretty regularly#and there’s gonna be more surgeon follow ups I’m sure#and eventually we’re gonna need to take you to outpatient pt cuz we can’t have a home health pt forever#cuz insurance only pays for it for like six weeks#so either we’re gonna have to rent a car every time you go to the doctor#or we gotta buy one#and like this isnt going away you’ll have to go to the doctor often#cuz you’re missing like half of your small intestine#so getting a rental all the time is gonna suck#it would be better to have a car you can get in and out of easily just on hand#not to mention eventually you’re gonna wanna get out of this house just for the hell of it#and it’s not like we can wake up one morning and decide hey let’s go on a day trip#and then waste two hours driving back and forth from the nearest enterprise#which is on an extremely busy two lane highway and is FUCKING terrifying to get to lmfao#so with any luck my dad will keep that in mind and not back out at the dealership lol
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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Currently in my banging my head against the wall phase. Hope you all are well 🥰
#Doc told me to schedule another MRI on Tuesday. They said they sent the order over on Tuesday.#I call on Tuesday to schedule the appointment. They don't have the referral yet#I called yesterday to try and schedule. They STILL don't have the referral#I message my doc and make sure they actually sent it over to the right place. (They did.)#They say they'll fax it over again! Great!#I call AGAIN today. They STILL don't have the referral#Bro I just need to schedule this fucking MRI so I can find out what's WRONG with me#The girl on the phone was like 'Oh yeah we're real busy we get orders all the time it must not have hit the system yet'#BRO IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS. HOW HAS NOBODY SEEN IT. TEARING my hair out#I went to their website to try and schedule online. Guess what? THEIR GODDAMN SCHEDULING ASSISTANT IS DOWN FOR MAITENANCE#SCREAMS#Anyway yes so in my banging my head against the wall phase. I'm so tired#And still in pain! To nobody's surprise!!#They can't fix what's wrong with me if I can't even get in to get an MRI. Hello. PLEASE#This isn't really smth that can wait a couple weeks#I should've been in to see them like YESTERDAY.#My pain is so bad I had to stay at home today. And I go and ice my back every hour or so#Bc I can't sit down for more than 45 minutes without wanting to kill myself ;))))#Shima speaks#I'M SORRY I'm just so. I've been over this for months. And now that I'm THIS close to getting answers#I can't. Seem to get these people to schedule an appointment for me#Grinds my teeth
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boy the sudden outpour of angst ideas for larissa weems x reader in my brain got me weeping so bad i feel a fever coming on
#ALL YALL POSTING ABT FALLING OUT OF LOVE BUT MY BRAIN GOING 700 MILES FASTER AND 3000 YEARS FURTHER WITH A#the love was still there. it didnt change anything.#ABT READER LEARNING SHE'S DYIG SOON. BUT KNOWS LARISSA IS SWAMPED WITH NEVERMORE & DEALING WITH THE KIDS. AND SHE ALSO LOVES#HER NEVERMORE FAMILY SO MUCH. SHE CANNOT BEAR TO MAKE THEM SAD#AND BC LARISSA IS SO BUSY. SHE HASNT REALLY LOOKED @ HER WIFE. AND TO READER ITS JUST OKAY. AND CREATES A MINI VIDEO JOURNEY#AND LIKE. ITS JUST ALL THE LITTLE THINGS SHE LOVED TO DO WITH LARISSA. AND THE KIDS. AND OF LIFE U KNOW.#and its wonderful and sad and beautiful#but she's dying and she doesn't want anyone else to know; her family had gone the same way too and thats how she wants it to end#and its just. augh. not my brain adding more angst rn#where her one & only friend notices#and is the one bringing her to all her doctor's appointments (outside jericho ofc. she knows her wife would know the instant had she been#diagnosed there) and like. Larissa getting more and more suspicious of their outings and accuses r of infidelity#.......and at this point r is just. done. and lies.#and gets out of Larissa's life. and everyone's just. shocked & devastated#R leaves but also begs her friend to go away. because she's just counting her days at this point. and you know what#the kicker here is that they agree knowing this was the last act of kindness they could give her.#AND LARISSA STILL DOESNT KNOW.#and wouldnt have known until Wednesday had a vision of a phonecall that'll shatter her#........shit. im crying again haha#anyways i love cinematic orchestra's i built a home <3 it really gives me such the best angst storylines#personal.txt#clown.txt#mod lee speaks stuff#idea.txt#larissa weems#larissa x reader#larissa weems x reader#lee writes#lee writes stuff#my fic
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Had my first ever papsmear and that was #Uncomfortable but it's important to my health so I did it anyways
Being a responsible adult is hard 😑
#speculation nation#all the lyfts r so busy rn i think bc classes are in session#so here i am at the hospital waiting for a more expensive than normal lyft#need to get my damned license already smh#the sucky thing is i still have another doctor's appointment this week!!!! on friday!!!!!!#and i have therapy in an hour. less than that now.#ive been having too many damn appointments in my pursuit of diagnosing all my shit and also general upkeep#oh yeah apparently i have PCOS. lol. not too severe but it's there.#andddddd im starting birth control to help level out my hormones and periods and whatever#OH YEAH I LOST MY WATER BOTTLE!!!!!! im so sad about that actually bc ive had that for several years now#and im in a hospital and i do not like hospitals. historically very awful experiences in these fucking places.#ue ue ue (sound of me crying)(im making it sound joking but im actually rather unhappy rn)#and ummmmmm aside from that i had a presentation this morning. it went fine.#anyways thats my day so far including my medical information. youre welcome lmfao#still more normal than 'omg i know how big my liver is now' tho probably 😂😂😂😂
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 15: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)
Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should purchase some new shoes for himself while he's in the city...
~
It costs quite a bit of coin, but in the end he decides that having a new sturdy pair of boots will serve him well on his travels. After he's done in the shop, he rushes back to the local inn before nightfall, eventually settling into a somewhat restless sleep..
The next morning, he orders some cheap vegetable stew from a food stall, then lounges in a park as he has his breakfast, watching the squirrels weave through flowering trees and birds pecking about in the dewy grass.. When finished with his meal (and sufficiently recovered from the emotional turmoil of burning his tongue on the soup), he quickly sells his old pair of shoes to a sketchy pawn shop before finally getting back to his journey...
By his calculations, if he he walks all day, it should only be two more sleeps before he gets to his destination, so he sets out to travel as efficiently as possible. He doesn't have the money to rent a cart, or the skill to ride a borrowed horse, but, he does have some fancy new walking shoes and a renewed sense of purpose. No more meandering through fields looking for flowers, napping in the shade, or scanning the ground for cool rocks.. He's going to focus this time!
......After a few hours, he comes across a broken down carriage in the middle of the road, with few people surrounding it, seemingly stuck trying to repair a wheel or something. It's hard to discern from afar..
Maybe if he helps them, he could get a free ride.. or some coins.. or make a new lifelong friend! Who knows? Possibilities flood his mind, this is what adventuring is all about! Wandering into interesting situations and making the most out of them!! .. But, then he recalls his previous oath.. he's supposed to focus today and not allow himself to sidetracked.. And who says he has the skills to help anyway? It could always just be a waste of time... Hmm...
What should he do?
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Additional Information
the adventurer's current main quest: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has
#paventure posting#poll#polls#choose your own adventure#GHWOOPPPs yeah it's been an entire month basically since the last one ghj.. I said I was trying to get back on schedule.. idk what happened#I guess I initially thought that april would be a less busy month but then it actually ended up being MORE busy with a ton of appointments#and stuff so then I had like no time. on top of trying to get a lot of other stuff done... so.. eughhh#I DO STILL want to keepon track of this more though. I want to at least get him to the abandoned castle so he can complete#his quest. I think like. the first poll a lot of people seemed to like and care about and participate in so it was kind of like 'oh! cool!#it can be a fun collaborative story with a lot of people!' but then gradually less people participate or care so then I kind of allow mysel#to slack with it as well liike 'oh its fine if I miss a day or two here and there' which then turns into a month when I have other stuff#to do lol. Because it does still take time. like maybe 2 hours to put a post together. even if the art and writing is relatively rushed and#quick. Especially since polls are not editable once posted so half the time is just proofreading the post and tags 15 times#just to make super sure there's no errors or etc. lol.. But trying to clear two hours of time during an already hectic day for something#that generally speaking very few people are engaged with or care about at all when it's meant to be interactive (like with normal art#or costumes or other stuff I do - low interaction doesnt bother me since that's not the point/it's not as relevant. but with an actual poll#you do want like.. the most poeple possible to vote on it etc. lol) so it's like.. ehhh#I was originally thinking like 'oh i could do this for an entire year and tell like a whole story and it'd be cool to see where it ends#up eventually after so long and the community kind of choosing the direction of everything!' but now its like 'well people care significant#ly less about the following polls than they did the first one so maybe not As Big Of A Thing but I do at least want to finish the current#thing going on' etc. I mean if in the next few posts it becomes More Of A Thing then it's very fluid. I could do it for longer#but with the way things are looking it's like. is it worth the time investment when i ALSO have 800 other creative projects I'm meant to be#working on?? etc. etc. ANYWAY though.. Still there will probably be at least 10 or however many more since there's still like 1-2 more days#before he even gets to the castle plus then doing things AT the place.#I want to continue his journey!!!!! I also have just felt sick and weird and so unfocused for a while eughhh.. sorry#OO I almost forgot about his injury from the fight. i had to just add it in the last moment lol.. SEE this is why I proofread 100 times#I can't edit polls so they have to be Correct the first time.. ueghhh
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how are my mutuals doing
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#i was busy the last few days writing a report for class. on friday i spent 9 hrs w writing 😬 im drained now from the past few days#exams start in 2 weeks so i basically have to spend all my free time studying starting from today ugh#ive been on T for a little over 2 weeks now haven't noticed any changes so far except maybe some ~sensations~ considering voice and#bottom growth. my throat has hurt a bit for a few days but i might also just have gotten a cold. i feel however like my voice is a little#deeper right after waking up and trying to speak deeper than my usual speaking voice has become a bit easier. i have to put effort into it#though. also bottom growth idk if the sensations are just a usual phase of sensations dowm there that i sometimes get anyway#or if it's actual bottom growth. i could be imagining the voice and bottom growth stuff. that's how tiny the changes in sensation are#still it makes me euphoric 😁#i haven't talked to my family abt trans stuff again and there's a slight tension between us that im not sure what to do w#but im seeing my therapist this week to discuss all of this#i don't have any health updates bc i haven't seen that doctor again yet my next appointment is in april and since I didn't get a call from#them i suppose nothing is urgently bad so i hope it's all just fine but ill hear abt it in april
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sometimes when I think about how my roommates treated me when I had COVID I get so angry I lose speech
#first context: we are all honors students. none of us want to miss any classes. all of us are busy and don’t have much free time.#second context: I was masking scrupulously. they never wore masks anywhere. I took every precaution possible not to get sick#but in September I did get sick. really sick. symptoms started on the weekend and by Monday I was feverish and loopy with exhaustion#I took rapid tests three times. the third time was at the doctor on Tuesday. I was so out of it my friend had to drive me to my appointment#only the third one was positive. but I was responsible and immediately told everyone I’d been in contact with.#my roommates response was ‘stay in your room. don’t leave. don’t get us sick.’#I took them literally. I was sick. I only left my room to use the bathroom.#I ate four times in four days. on the fourth day I asked my roommates for the first time to make me food#suddenly I could leave my room because they were too busy with homework to bother putting something in the oven#they wouldn’t buy me groceries. I had to ask the friend who’d taken me to the doctor to buy them.#they never asked if I was okay or if I needed anything. it was as if I became invisible the second my door was shut.
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Hihi !! ☺️ Can’t remember when we last chatted 😅, but I wrote relationship headcanons tn, and thought they might be comforting to you. 🥺🫶🏽 Hope you + your son are doing alright, and that winter’s treating you well. ❄️
i wish I could put into words how much it means to me that you continue to reach out to me, even if i'm not doing too much reaching back 💜💜💜 i'm terrible at this stuff 😭 so thank you so much for thinking of me!!
winter has been hot and cold lol, it's mostly been fine but my, my son, and his dad all got sick!! dad's over it, me n baby are still going through it. like ugh 🙄😂 i'm handling it like a total baby bc my ears keep getting that plugged up feeling and i just CANNOT deal!! my son is taking it like a champ. aside from coughing, snot nose, and some bad moods, he's still raring at 110% all. the. time. 😂 toddlers!
I'm going to read these headcanons as soon as possible. your writing is always so comforting, even when it's angsty. you're just an amazingly skilled and super-talented author!! ilysm ❤️
#meowzfordayz#you are seriously the best#i have just been so busy between like working and being sick and taking care of a sick child while being sick#not to mention all the car crash stuff#did i mention i got into a car crash? it happened on friday the 13th of all days 🫠#elijah (my son) was not in the car. just me and his dad lol. we were hurt but we are fine now!!#i just don't know if i mentioned it at all????#but yeah. bc of the wreck we've been going to SOOOO many doctor appointments. so so so many#that's also been draining#but yes i'm rambling thank you so much for reaching out to me#i suck at reaching out especially because i've been trying to write something to tag you in#like i was gonna write it and post it and tag you in it and it was gonna be a whole thing like like#but i haven't any ideas 🫠🫠🫠#well i had ONE idea but i am SO rusty at writing atm it's not even funny#and it was super self indulgent bc i have stretch marks from being pregnant and they're only just starting to lighten up#like. a full year and a half later#and i just wanted one of the boys (was thinking giyuu or kyojuro?? or tengen i'm honestly not sure at all) to just.#total body worship reader like 'you gave me children. you're a miracle worker' and all that--#--'i love you even more as the mother of our children' type mushy gushy#but i get to the word document and it's like.... total blank#OH MY GOD. RAMBLING AGAIN. I LOVE YOU. GOODNIGHT 💚💚💚
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i’m working on a commission info sheet and i set up a new gmail account and i’m also filling an online form but it’s so late that i’m afraid i’ll make errors. i’ve also had another horrible incident, felt like shit, snacked out of stress, then i had a therapy session and also been gifted things i posted abt wanting (the sims 2 content).
#it's been a lot i suppose but imagine if it was just shit all the way...#i've also booked an appointment i might not need actually!#busy day???
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Saturday Six (Stuff)
Memorial Day weekend in the USA, and despite being a veteran myself I'm a bit...ambivalent...about the holiday. (¬_¬)
The mosquitoes at this morning's farmer's market have been ridiculous. I've been eaten alive, even though I've got some repellant measures.(;*´Д`)ノ
Talking politics, lgbtq rights, abortion rights, and religion was not on my list for today's market either, but it happened.(*`へ´*)
It's annoying when my parents get twitchy about money and how much they've given me over the years. Especially when they've kind of been shitty, and I feel like I deserve a little recompense for that.( ಠ ಠ )
That moment when you get 1&1/2 dozen duck eggs from a customer.٩(•̤̀ᵕ•̤́๑)ᵒᵏᵎᵎᵎᵎ
And, when said customer decides they're gonna give you around a month or so's worth of work. Heck yeah!ヽ(*⌒∇⌒*)ノ
#Saturday Six#Personal#About me#May 27 2023#please do not reblog#Carey rambles about her life and work and stuff and things#This is posting because it's been a busy day what with the market and customer appointment and stuff like that#Hope y'all didn't miss me too much lolololol#Yah right like that happened#Anyway I hope you have a great day or night wherever you are#Hugssss from mom or just a friend whatever you need right now ٩(๑•◡-๑)۶ⒽⓤⒼ❤ 💜 💙 💚 💛 ❤️ 💕 💖#I appreciate you all so much for being here and reading my ramblings every week!#Now back to your regularly scheduled scrolling!
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Ugh my family here is so unreliable
#theyre all the literal biggest flakes#and allergic to communication#let me just not tell you about these important documents you need to register until after youre in trouble with the govt#and lets not give you the letter until the very day before you leave for vacation sp you get 8 business hours to collect signatures#and get an appointment with the govt office#even though we all knew this was A Thing because we did it for your sister 2 years ago. but just decided you dodnt need to know#thanks guys i cant rely on yall for anything#now i wont have time to go to work and get a haircut and do all my packing/shopping tomorrow#because i have to spend the whole day doing got bs that could have been entirely avoided if anybody had told me this document#fucking exists#this so frustrsting and its like the 8th time theyvd done something like this to mr#the people in this country are too coddled they dont know the concept of proactive action#just wait till youre on fire before telling you they had flame resistant clothes you could have been wearing this whole time
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Lemme tell you a gay little story about an eagle.
Our town (~9,000 people) has a couple garages, but there's a big one on the main drag. My family has been going there for decades. I drive past it every day.
There used to be a huge pine tree on the corner of their lot, but last year it became a hazard and had to be taken down.
Shortly thereafter I drive by and see they've hired a guy to chainsaw sculpt the stump into a bald eagle.
Birds own my heart, but nationalism makes me twitchy. I withhold outright condemnation of the eagle, but I'm skeptical. (The original owner—an objectively Good Dude—sold the business to a younger couple a few years ago, and I don't have any knowledge of their whole deal.)
Then it turns out someone on staff is really into making costumes for the eagle. Every holiday. Every month. Stuffed turkey, witch costume, menorah headpiece, bunny ears. These people love to dress their bird.
The changing of the eagle suit becomes a source of joy every time I drive through town.
Until June, when the eagle is bare.
Now look, maybe I'm expecting too much asking my garage to celebrate Pride. But this is a small town. Every time I drive by that stupid eagle—this thing that has previously brought me so much joy—I feel hurt. I feel reminded that there are plenty of people in my liberal bubble who don't consider my community worthy of celebration. I drive to work, I feel bad. I drive home, I feel bad. The eagle is mocking me.
Then my A/C quits working.
So I book an appointent to bring my car in—and realize what I have to do.
I pick all this up at a thrift store for under ten bucks. I print the shirt with some weird heat-transfer fabric crayons I find in a cupboard. I loop gold elastic around the sunglasses and pray they'll fit on the eagle's head. (It is also important to draw your attention to the price of the feather boa.)
(Nice.)
My reasoning is thus: if I show up with a complete costume ready to go, someone will have to look me in the eye and say "We don't believe in that," at which point I'll be finding a new garage. But if they let me dress the eagle, then people in town get to have the joy I've been missing since the start of the month.
I listen to a lot of hype-up jams on my way over. I hate confrontation. I also don't wanna have to find another garage. I want to believe that this decision isn't actively antagonistic, but I'm not particularly hopeful.
I talk through the A/C issue with the guy at the desk, hand over my keys, then take a deep breath.
"Who's in charge of the eagle?"
"Oh, that's all Dylan. Second bay from the end."
I walk down the row of hydraulic lifts and find a disarmingly smiley middle-aged man pouring fluid through a funnel. I introduce myself and explain that, since the Pride parade is this Sunday and the eagle seems to be missing a costume, I have taken the liberty of making one myself, and can I get his blessing to go put it on?
Dylan grins this absolutely giant grin and goes
"Oh hell yeah."
So that's what's up now.
Happy Pride.
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fuck it I'm starting singing classes
i actually wrote a lot of tags on this one. it's mostly personal reminders. but I'm posting it bc I'll forget to do any of this otherwise
i do not check my scheduling apps I'm a disaster❤️
anyway the tldr is I'm leaving this year's seasonal depression behind‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ fuck yes
i get it in summer bc I'm built different (got a few mental disorders) but yeah anyway I don't fucking care I'm DOING SHIT AGAIN somebody clap
#not sure where not sure when not sure with what money#list of things to do tmrw#1. actually talk to my tattoo artist#2. ask my aunt about singing teachers (she sings)#3. enroll in Something Free. anything. oh god i need Anything#4. CLEAN MY CLOSET FOR THE LVOE OF FUCK IVE BEEN WEARING THE SAME SHIRT FOR TWO MONTHS AND IT'S NOT EVEN MY ONLY ONE#i do clean it obvs#and it looks cool it's a green day tshirt#but MAN do i wear it ALL THE FUCKING TIME#seasonal depression is shit stay safe#(i knkw people say it for winter but im always busy in winter. so i like it. i never do shit on summer though. cos i get depressed as fuck)#FUCK ANYWAY FUCK list of things im definitely doing for sure lest i continue being depressed#anyway it should be fine now though#i just bought tickets for a bar event thing i wanna go to#and I've got plans for saturday#and next month#it's finnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee#bjt i gotta make sure it keeps being so#i can't go back to doing nothing I'll kill myself#OH ALSO 5. BUY TICKETS FOR MIRANDA 20JUN PLEASE GOD PLEASE I NEED. THAT#6. actually note down all the things and appointments I've got scheduled lest i die forever#7. reconnect with my friends? make new ones?#i need friends#haven't had proper friends in two years it's making me sick in the head#like i have friends but I don't have Friends I Can Spontaneously Do Shit With#i just have 'if we meet perchance we'll hit it off + i like your IG stuff' friends#bc I'm social until I'm not#anyway i need AFRIENDDDGROUPPPP#fuck#anyway fuck
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#the whole vet situation gives me such trauma whiplash im too busy with that that i havent really given myself a chance to process today#all i can think about is how painful eating must be for mischa#i noticed she slowed down a bit and wouldnt eat kibble or hard snacks but i thought it might be one single tooth ache idk#i actually thought she was doing better because she slowed down because she has been gulping down food way too fast since the shelter#the last time she had tooth problems like 2-3 years ago i asked a friend to come with me to the vet and she said omg yes of course#and then she resumed texting me normal stuff throughout the day of the appointment and only after i didnt reply the whole day she noticed#like 10 hours too late she was like OH SHIT HAHA!! and this is literally what happens every time when i ask someone to be there for me#when i make myself really vulnerable and ask for help and say that i cant do something alone they let me down#while knowing that i have no one else#i asked my mom to come to the vet once and she literally only talked about herself the whole time distracting me#and then she was like haha yeah lets just drop off the cat at home and go get some lunch hihi!!!!#she never remembers vet appointments even when we just talked about them and loves making fun of me for being stressed and tense#like OH NO WONDER YOU WERE MOODY like im on my period or something#i texted a friend about mischas health issues and me losing my job and she hasnt replied since january and doesnt really talk to me anymore#so i guess that friendship is done too#ill have to go there on thursday alone and overdraft my account and wait until the evening and care for mischa all alone#i cant even talk with someone about this because no one understands or judges my emotions and no one cares anyway#and then ill have to go back to work where everyone knows that i will be gone soon and will pester me about it#they all think of me as a temporary intern anyway and ask WHEN WILL YOU GO FIND A REAL JOB while they make me do theirs#everything and everyone at that job is so horrible and so many people leave and they never learn#a colleague i helped teaching everything suddenly turned on me &my other colleague & made our lives miserable while badmouthing us viciously#and everyone in the office chose her over us and let her get away with it while she screamed at us and behaved like a child#its so ironic how i stayed because i needed money to live and now when i go i will have 0 because of the surgery#i mean its worth it but like#what the fuck is life and what will it fucking be next month
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