#beekeeper!joel

[joelsmochi]

come get this pollen - joel miller

pairing: beekeeper!joel x f!reader summary: with tommy hosting the bbq this year, that leaves joel in charge of one thing: you. inspired by this tweet | can be read by itself, but if you crave more beekeeper!joel read parts one & two ;) warnings: 18+ bc smut duh, not proofread, reader being reckless & gross in front of Sarah (let us pls remember & acknowledge how unrealistic this dynamic is 🙏🏽🙏🏽), joel is a perv what’s new?, honey play (yeast infections don’t exist in this timeline heheheheheh), brief breeding kink, oral (m+f), overstimulation, unprotected rough piv, pet names, sort of? established relationship, catching people and getting caught, joel "disciplining" you and absolutely slutting you out!!!!!!!, a little bit of corny humor at the end word count: 3.7k a/n: erm... ik it's late but i literally started writing this the morning AFTER the fourth ijbol. final part i will plan for this series for now but i’m always open for requests <3

series masterlist | main masterlist

♡

You greeted Tommy and Maria at Joel's door with smiles and hugs, noticing the pair of chubby cheeks attached to the woman's hip.

"And who's this little fella?" You cooed, reaching for the baby once Maria held him out for you.

"This is Jackson," Maria answers. "He'll be six months in a few days."

With wide eyes you smile at the gleaming baby now resting on your waist, cooing little praises at him and bouncing your body to earn a few giggles. "Well you are just the cutest little thing I've ever seen, yesyouare."

You catch up with the couple and walk around Joel's house for just a few minutes until Jackson started reaching for Maria; you said bye-bye and made your way up to Sarah's bedroom.

"Sarah do y—EW!"

You slammed the door shut and stood frozen in the hallway, ignoring Sarah's protests for you to knock on a closed door next time.

"Sorry, I forget you can't exactly white-sock-it at your dad's house," you begrudgingly joked.

Sarah whipped the door open with a pissed off look plastered on her face, her boyfriend having a seemingly more embarrassed look.

"What do you need?"

With a grimace you asked, "Do you still have that dress that I left over here last weekend?"

She rolled her deep brown eyes, knowing you were just trying to catch her father's perverted eye, and stomped away, leaving her distressed and disheveled boyfriend in your view. He awkwardly smiled and offered a wave that just made you want to crawl into a hole and die, but you opted to stiffly smile back.

Before you could register anything else the dress was being thrown into your face and the door was slammed shut again.

"Bitch," you mumbled underneath your breath as you walked into the bathroom.

You shimmied out of your American Eagle shorts and tank top; slipping into the short dress, you couldn't help but notice how bunched up your underwear looked beneath the fabric. You tried pulling them up higher, folding the hem, hell you even gave yourself the world's deepest wedgie just to fail at concealing the grey article of clothing.

You grunted, really not wanting to wear those shorts again because your thighs seemed to swallow the hems whole every time you sat down, but what else would conceal your seamless panties that decided to appear as granny panties today?

You could ask Sarah for a pair, but that was just weird. You could just deal with it, but you knew you wouldn't stop thinking about it. You could just go commando, but...

"Fuck it," you mumbled when you couldn't think of a con to go without undergarments.

You slithered out of your panties and wrapped your clothes around them, discarding them in Joel's room on your way back downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Hey, 'bout time you found me," he greeted.

He glanced out of the patio door, sneaking a kiss with you when no one was watching.

"Sorry. I was saying hi to Sarah and Alex," you lied.

"Mmm, you smell good," he said against your lips after catching a whiff of your shampoo. "Look good too. You want somethin' to drink?"

You trailed behind him to the fridge, wrapping your arms around his soft waist. "Yeah, but it's not gonna be in there," you teased.

He chuckled, pulling out an iced tea for you, and not responding. He’s playing hard to get.

“Mm,” you hummed, stepping onto your tippy toes to brush your lips against the shell of his ear. “I’m not wearing any panties.”

He chuckled, poker face in full effect. “Good girl,” was the last thing he said before walking into the hallway towards the backyard, leaving a disappointed you in the kitchen alone.

The day went by slow enough, and yet you were unable to find that window of opportunity to get Joel alone. He was constantly helping or talking to someone — holding the baby so Maria could go get the door. Preparing more burger patties for Tommy. Offering a smile or two to women who expressed interest in him, or a laugh about golf with the men.

You were stuck listening to Sarah’s friends from college rant and rave about… Whatever they were into. You genuinely tried to listen but it was hard to keep up with how many like’s and literally’s and bro’s and duh’s they felt the need to use.

Alex called your name, catching your attention. “Why don’t you and my boy Johnnie hang out sometime? You’re single right?”

A stiff smile tugged on your cheeks, and your eyes flickered to Sarah for help, but her’s only widened slightly.

“Uh, no. No. Not single,” you blabbered. “Sorry.”

“Oh— well, who’re dating?”

“Uhhhhhhhh… He’s an older guy, you wouldn’t really know him.”

“Oh,” Alex said.

“H-how much older?” Johnnie chimed in, looking a little bummed.

You accidentally laughed, unable to contain your nerves. “Like… Fifties,” you said too quietly.

“Huh?”

“Firework time!” Tommy shouted.

“Thank, God,” both you and Sarah said to each other.

“Sorry!” She said after jogging to stand next to you. “I totally fucking blanked.”

“It’s fine,” you exhaled, “I just couldn’t come up with a better lie.”

“Wait, so are you dating my dad?”

You shrugged. “Eh. It’s not official if that’s what you mean.”

“I just wanna make sure I’m not gonna have to choose between my best friend and my dad,” she explained.

“You’d totally pick me though. Right?” You asked hopefully, looking at her with wide eyes.

“Totally,” she repeated with a warm smile.

You looked through the small crowd in seek of Joel, finding him standing on the left side of whatever explosive his brother was packing into the ground. His eyes found yours and he gave you a subtle smile, eyes trailing over the dress that squeezed your breasts and hugged your waist. He shot you a wink before reluctantly looking away, playfully flicking the lighter in his dominant hand.

“Is it cool if I stand go see your dad?” You asked.

“Don’t leave me with them, they’ll ask questions,” Sarah quietly pleaded with a strong tug on your arm.

“Then go with me!” You whispered back. “Tell them you wanna be in the family videos.”

She deadpanned you. “Now you manage to come up with a good lie?”

“Oh! Just do it!”

Your body apologetically moved through the small swarm of people, unsuspectingly making your way over to Joel with Sarah right behind you.

“Light ‘em up,” Tommy told Joel.

Soon after there was that familiar loud whistle rutting against your eardrums, a hissing sound traveling into the sky before the different colors spiraled into a nonsensical design. Kids shouted joyfully, aside from the Jensen’s baby who let out a small cry, and scattered conversation filled the remaining space of empty sound.

You felt more comfortable in Joel’s presence, even when his attention wasn’t completely on you, and even more with your best friend by your side.

You could smell the cheap body spray you picked out for him when you were at Walmart alone a few weeks ago. It took some convincing, but eventually he promised to wear it for you at some point.

It smelled even better being mixed with his musk and pheromones and the layer of sweat he always seemed to have in the Texas heat.

His brown t-shirt proven too tight around his biceps, nestling against his broad shoulder blades with a thin stripe of sweat resting along his spine.

You felt a small gush, suddenly regaining awareness of the fact that you had no panties on right now. Your cheeks beamed a deep red, legs clenching as you tried to smear the precum instead of letting it trickle down your thighs.

Right now your perfectly clean, soft, cum catching Victoria’s Secret cheekies were collecting Joel’s dust in Joel’s room next to Joel’s bed, and you felt absolutely agonizingly exposed even though the only person that knew you were commando was you.

But then Joel’s laugh caught your attention, eyes being drawn back to the curve of his soft tummy, and you decided to use your naked dilemma to your advantage.

But how could we get from point A to point Tease?

“Sarah, you wanna light a firework?” Tommy shouted.

“Hell! No!” She yelled, gaining a couple of disappointed looks from people but a chuckle from you. “I’ve seen people blowing their hands off. Unh-unh, no thanks Uncle Tommy.”

“Agh. Come onnn,” Joel urged. “Don’t be a pussy.”

“Name calling won’t work this time,” she retorted.

“What about’chu?” Joel asked, a daunting look in his dark eyes.

Bend over, give him a little show just to risk losing a limb? Sign me up, you thought.

“Sure, why not?”

You gently pulled the yellow lighter from Joel’s hot hand, brushing your ass against his lower belly as you went to stand in front of him.

“I just light the red thing?” You asked Tommy.

“Yeah, ‘n do it at an angle so you don’t blow your fingers off,” he said nonchalantly.

“O…kay?”

You bent over, slow enough to ensure the skirt of your dress not popping up. You flicked the lighter, forcing a flame to appear, and held it to the red string sticking out.

Just as the string caught the flame, you felt a breeze ghost over your slick cunt, and Joel let out a strained sigh loud enough for you to hear from where you were.

You took a few steps away and backed into Joel’s frame “accidentally”. Everyone watched in awe as the red’s and blue’s filled the black sky for a few seconds, while Tommy set up another firework for you to light.

You bent over a little more subtly, but still enough to give Joel’s something to look at.

After hopping back between Joel and Sarah once the next explosive went up, you gave Joel’s his lighter back and grinned real wide at him.

But when you turned back to face your best friend, all but a pleasant look wore her face.

“You guys are disgusting,” she spat. “Where are your panties?”

“I had to take them off because they looked like a dirty diaper.”

“Ugh, you are so lucky I love you,” she said with her face in her hands.

You kissed her cheek and behaved yourself for a few more minutes, but as the night grew darker the wetter you became. You needed to get Joel alone now or you would become inconsolable.

“Can I light one more?”

Joel nodded, offering you the lighter once more, and Sarah had to fight the urge to throw her hands up in the air.

You bent over once more, this time leaving a hand on the crease on your ass.

Come on, Joel thought, give me a peek of that pretty hole.

And you did just that; while everyone was watching the firework spiral into the air Joel watched you tug your ass to the side, revealing your small hole that glistened.

“Fuck,” he mumbled to himself, fighting the growing bulge in his Levi’s.

You told Sarah to try lighting one, and she reluctantly agreed to; you stayed until it went off before excusing yourself inside the house.

Making your way into to the kitchen, you tried your best to quickly wipe up the mess that covered your inner thighs, but a hand gripped your forearm.

You screeched, but let out a sigh of relief when you saw it was just Joel.

Without hesitation you got on your knees and looked up at him as if you had no idea what you’d done. You reached for his pants, but he swatted your hand away and carried you onto the island counter, pushing your chest to make you lay down.

Before you could question it his lips inhaled your clit, sucking it a little too hard and making your body jolt.

You searched for his eyes, but the darkness in the room swallowed every fine detail you sought whenever Joel landed between your legs, forcing you to just focus on the feeling.

His heavy tongue licked a quick line from the bottom of your sticky slit to the hood of your clit, pulling the little nub into his hot mouth again. Suckling it until you threatened him with a breathy moan.

He pulled back and popped his rough hand on your clit, the stinging causing you to bite your lip and quiet yourself.

“Keep your fucking mouth shut,” he harshly whispered.

“Need you—“

“Shut up,” he repeated firmly before diving back into your heated core again.

You tried reaching to tug at his hair but he swatted your hands away once more; you were blindly searching for something along the slab of marble to grip onto, accidentally knocking over a jar of something sticky.

You frantically tried to put the jar back up but Joel was sucking your pussy to hard and deliciously. Eventually you fixed the spilled issue, recognizing the texture as Joel’s silky honey from his beehives.

“Here,” you moaned, shoving your fingers beneath his swollen lips.

He hummed in approval, slurping up the remnants from your trembling digits. You gripped the edge of the countertop and bucked your hips, Joel’s nose nestling into the throbbing edges of your clit.

Shaking his head to intensify the pleasure, his nose tickled your little bundle of nerves, that orgasmic tingling climbing the edge of release.

“You’re gonna make me cum, baby,” you moaned softly.

That made him groan and eat you more sloppy than ever before. The obscene noises between his thick tongue and your slobbering pussy was filthy, disgusting almost.

Your moans were silenced behind your gritted teeth, legs burying Joel’s face deeper into your pulsing core, and he ensured his nose would continue rutting against your clit.

Your cry of euphoria was covered by a loud firework; Joel recognized that moan. You were cumming, leaking juices and honey into his mouth like a dam being released for the first time ever.

He lapped it up like a thirsty dog, not even savoring the taste before he found the urge to start slurping up your already sensitive clit again.

You whined, arms flailing in a poor attempt to remove his head.

It hurt it hurt it hurt so fucking bad.

But you couldn’t fight the grip Joel’s had around your thighs. The more you wiggled the more sensitive you became. You whined, accepting your fate and allowing your legs to tremble against his touch.

He made you endure the worst of it: the pain that swallowed you whole and antagonized every nerve ending in your body.

You’d fight harder if it were anyone else, but Joel elicited submission from you. You’d have him punish you anyway he deemed justified if it meant you got to have him.

You gurgled on your saliva, choking on your strained moans.

It was only until he’d had lost too much oxygen that he finally alleviated you from your suffering.

“Get on your fuckin’ knees,” he huffed, dropping his pants and boxers to his ankles.

You eagerly listened, feeling his hand grip your hair and force your eyes to look into his.

“Little fuckin’ slut wants to tease me in front’a everybody? Hmm? You thinks it’s okay to spread your fuckin’ pussy like that?”

He found the glass jar that was coated in the sweet nectar, holding it up in the moonlight for you to see.

“Look at the mess you made, baby,” he said in a mocking tone. “Gonna have to clean it up.”

Joel tipped the jar, pouring more than enough honey all over his painfully hard cock.

Your mouth watered, saliva pooling at the corners of your lips at the mere thought of the taste.

“Clean it up with your mouth for me, baby… Hands behind your back.”

You listened to his instructions, waffling your fingers together against the small of your back and curling your tongue against his velvety mushroom cockhead.

The salty taste made you moan, eyes narrowing up at his own. The slight glow of moonlight showing off the teardrops of honey dangling from his girthy shaft.

After you licked your yearning lips you took him into your mouth, gagging at the sickly sweet taste of too much honey.

“Ah, baby,” he whimpered. “Want me to fuck that cute little face a’yours?”

“M—mmhm,” you gurgled.

“Yeah?”

He held your head in place and thrusted into your drooling mouth, tip hitting the back of your throat with a lack of mercy.

Tears stung your eyes, excessive amounts of honey glossing over your trembling chin.

“You poor thing. Was that pretty little pussy dripping for me all day?”

You gurgled again, gagging on your hums of confirmation, nodding your dizzy head as he continued to fuck your face.

“Awwwh, such a needy little slut,” he cooed. “Need this cock deeper in that mouth, hmm?”

You nodded even more assuringly than before, moaning around his thick shaft. You blew bubbles of spit around his cock, keep his cock slippery enough to glide down your throat.

His breath was shaky, both hands now on your head, and soon after your throat was being stretched beyond its limits. You gagged around him, tears now flooding your puffy cheeks.

You reached up to give his heavy balls a decent tug, then squeezed them until you received a moan from his strained throat.

He growled when he yanked his cock from your throat, holding your head steady as you worked your way through your coughing fit.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he moaned throat gritted teeth, squatting to be eye level with you. He smacked your jaw once, twice, three times before licking the honey and tears from your face, sloppy kisses being shared occasionally. “Such a fucking good little slut.”

“Just for you,” you whimpered.

“Oh really?” He laughed cruelly. “That why you were showin’ the world your pussy?”

“Jus’ you,” you assured.

“Yeah? We’ll see about that.”

He stood you up and bent you over the counter, stretching the fabric of your dress from pulling it up to hard.

He pinched your pussy lips and leaned onto your back after you screeched.

“Who else you tryna show this pretty little thing to?”

“Ah— fuck. Ju— you, baby. Just you.”

Joel released his grip on your cunt, pushing his tip between your sore lips. Despite the slight burn, he filled you quickly and smoothly.

“Look at this fucking pussy,” he moaned. “Mmhmm. Fuckin’ swallowing my cock like a good little thing. This pussy’s all mine?”

“Yes!” You cried out.

Your weight rested entirely on your stomach, feet swinging in the air, head bobbing and hip painfully bumping into the corner of the surface.

“She’s all mine, baby?” He asked again.

“YESyesyesyes!”

His wrapped a hand around your open mouth, muffling your cries before they turned into screamed.

“Good job, babydoll,” he smiled. “Good job. You’re doing such a good job takin’ this fucking cock.”

“S’big,” you muffled into his clammy hand.

“Goddamn. I got you this wet, baby? Oh, you musta been clenching those pretty legs all day thinkin’ ‘bout me.“

You knew he was talking to himself, using you like a fucktoy. You loved when he fucked you hard, opposing his usual routine of being gentle. He always made you feel good, but when you really needed it he knew how to wear you out.

And it was dumb, really — him forcing you to keep quiet though if it were even just a little more quiet outside everyone would hear the sound of your ass clapping against his tummy pudge.

But it wasn’t about being quiet, it almost never is. It was about keeping you disciplined.

Joel’s thick fingerpads found your clit, pinching the sensitive nub before rubbing big, deep circles.

You clawed at the hand on your mouth, legs looping around his tense hairy legs to balance yourself.

“Yeah, take that cock, slut,” he whispered against your earlobe. “Actin’ all desperate for me. Gonna fuckin’ breed this perfect pussy.”

His filthy words made your knees buckle and your eyes roll back. Your gummy walls clenched around him, thick white cream coating his honey drenched cock.

Joel could feel your clit throbbing between his clumsy fingers, he watched your back rise and fall quickly as your pussy squelched around him from your orgasm.

He gave you one final hard thrust, a rope of his cum shooting into you, his cock throbbing, begging for more release.

“Tell me it’s mine,” he said tiredly.

“It’s all yours, baby. Fu- it’s yoursyoursyours! I belong to you. I fucking belong to you, my pussy was made for you!”

He started thrusting somewhere in the midst of your cock drunk babbles, grunting loudly as he filled you with his warm seed.

“I’m all yours, Joel,” you repeated softly as he finished.

“Yo, Joel, what the— fuck?!”

You ducked below the counter and held your mouth while Joel fixed his pants. Of all people that could’ve walked in it had to be his brother?

Actually, the more you thought about it the better it seemed.

You stared up at Joel’s blank expression and rolled your eyes before standing up.

“Sorry,” you grimaced. “I stole him. Just tell everyone I got sick and he was making sure I was alright.”

“Why is their honey all over the fucking counter?!” Tommy asked as he picked up the sticky jar.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t touch that if I were you,” Joel said.

“No,” the younger man said in disbelief.

You both just stared at him and shrugged.

“How long were we gone?” You asked after Tommy finished berating Joel.

“Like twenty minutes, why?”

“We said we were gonna try that one position next time,” you reminded Joel.

Joel frowned for a moment before remembering the complicated position you stumbled upon a few days prior. He looked to Tommy with a smile.

“No,” he firmed answered.

Joel sighed turning back to you. “Tomorrow, baby.”

“Fine. I’m gonna go get a shower.”

You gave Joel one last kiss and said goodnight to Tommy before heading upstairs.

“Sarah’s best friend?” Tommy questioned as the two men made their way back outside.

Joel, who was still wearing that big smile said, “I know. She’s hot, right?”

[linmmelonz]

[thriftedtchotchkes]

->->-> masterlist ao3 fic recs palestine resources

latest release:

how do you sleep?: joel miller x f!reader

personal favorites:

happiest day: mike schmidt x f!reader

a matter of time: joel miller x f!reader

give in: joel miller x f!reader

solo round: josh futturman x f!reader

fic updates @thriftedtchotchkes-updates

[avastrasposts]

Long fic recs - Part 2

Hi!

I've got a very long flight in a couple of days so I asked for recs for long fics and boy did you deliver! I've got so many recs that I have to split the post in two or I'm afraid it won't all fit.

Most of these links are for Ao3 as you can read offline on that site. Where I know the author has a Tumblr account, I've tagged them. Unfortunately I don't know the Tumblr name for some of them, so if you see someone you recognise who's not tagged, please tag them too.

I've divided them by character, and as usual, you're responsible for your own consumption, so read the warnings. If you like the story, tell the author, it's always appreciated!

I've taken the liberty to tag my personal favourites with a little ❤️

Enjoy!

Frankie

Pleased to Meet You @intheorangebedroom

❤️Adrift with you @morallyinept

All The Things We Never Said @javierpena-inatacvest

Ezra

Still of The Night @foli-vora

Helianthus @morallyinept

Beekeeper Ezra @morallyinept

❤️In The Dark @frannyzooey

Javier Peña

Lie to Me

Better Love @disgruntledspacedad

Pedro Across The Street

❤️Good. Things. Take. Time. @oonajaeadira

Pero Tovar

The Wolf

The Graduate @absurdthirst

Din Djarin

Be-All and Endor

Safest with you

❤️Passenger @whatsnewalycat

Healer @bestintheparsec

Joel

garnish @penvisions

Darker Shades of Innocence Lost

the way we were

Halcyon @justagalwhowrites

Cosmic Oddities @deervsheadlights

a stranger's heart without a home

Go Your Own Way @chronicallyonlinewriter

Short days, Long nights @frannyzooey

Lover Share Your Road @chronically-ghosted

eternity across the road

The Ghosts of Babylon @sixhours

i know you by heart @sixhours

Dieter Bravo

Psychomanteum @whatsnewalycat

❤️Destiny & Deliverance @mysterious-moonstruck-musings

❤️Closed Positions @mysterious-moonstruck-musings

Marcus Moreno

General Acacius

The Strongest Member of the Team @blueeyesatnight

A New Life @musings-of-a-rose

Jack Daniels

Harder to Hold @brandyllyn

[apollos-boyfriend]

i haven’t seen anyone compile these yet so here’s all the first origins for new life smp!

scott: transporter

fwhip: road runner

gem: swarm (bee)

joey: dark fairy

katherine: human

lizzie: TBA

sausage: ghast

seapeekay: human

shubble: shunshine girl

joel: hippo(griff)

jimmy: bad guy

stacy: strider

strawburry: TBA

oli: TBA (possibly mimic?)

owen: human

scar: witch

pearl: copper golem

pix: archeologist

martyn: chillager

full origins descriptors under the cut!

scott: transporter [impact - •••]

a transporter is a sparse-atomed creature that is able to create rifts in space to relocate themselves and others.

wayfinder [+]

set waypoints that you can later teleport you and several others to.

hotswap [+]

you can mark someone you're looking at, and then swap places with them.

quickrift [+]

make a quick rift to teleport to a nearby location.

heavyload [-]

to be able to teleport, your particles must be in less density, therefore you can’t wear heavier armors.

atomic exhaustion [-]

using portals will exhaust you very quickly.

relocated confusion [-]

quickrift has a chance to apply nausea or slowness.

fwhip: road runner [impact - •••]

fastest origin out there. your heritage of road runners allow you to run reallly, really fast.

just faster [+]

you naturally sprint faster than other players.

gotta go fast [+]

hold your primary key to boost your speed and run really fast. as you hold your primary button your energy bar will slowly go down. you are also unable to jump while going.

still fast [+]

you are too fast to be slowed, soul sand doesn't slow you down, and the slowness effect doesn't work on you.

so tired . . . [-]

your constant running makes you exhaust more.

not made for that [-]

try to ignore water, you can't swim.

bad aim [-]

you can't use a bow or a crossbow.

gem: swarm [impact - •••]

these hive independent group of bees choose to stick together to overcome the obstacles of the outside world.

hover [+]

being made up of multiple bees, you are able to hover midair whenever you are falling.

smoke sensitivity [-]

your senses are lessened when near smoke.

pollination [+]

while you aren't sneaking, your bone meal is infused with pollen, allowing it to additionally affect the 4 adjacent blocks.

calming aura [+]

animals bred by you do not have to wait to be bred again.

expendable [-]

you have 3 less hearts of health than humans.

beekeeper [+]

taking honey and honeycomb from a hive does not anger bees.

joey: dark fairy [impact - •••]

a fairy that has turned to the dark side.

winged [+] *

you have elytra wings you can use to fly around with.

shadow embrace [+]

you can turn into an invisible entity that cannot interact with entities or blocks and cannot be interacted with.

pixie sized [+]

you are half a block tall.

moonlight [+]

you use moonlight to see at night better.

freezing point [-]

in biomes below 0.3 temperature, you have weakness and slowness.

heliophobia [-]

you hate the day, and this hatred causes you to take 15% more damage.

shadow bolt [+] **

a simple yet effective short distance beam that will hit anyone and take away 3 hearts of damage.

* bugged to only allow him to glide.

katherine: human [impact - •••]

a regular human. your ordinary minecraft experience awaits.

sausage: ghast [impact - •••]

you’re a flying denizen of the nether, capable of raining down hellfire.

pyroblast [+]

you can unleash terrifying fireballs.

spectral flight [+]

you are able to launch up into the air, and will slowly glide until you reach the ground.

fire immunity [+]

you are impervious to fire and lava.

hydrophobia [-]

you receive damage over time while in contact with water.

need for mobility [-]

you can not wear any heavy armor (armor with protection values higher than iron).

seapeekay: human [impact - •••]

a regular human. your ordinary minecraft experience awaits.

shubble has not shown her origin descriptor.

joel: hippogriff [impact - •••]

a noble creature, capable of taking to the skies.

winged [+]

you have elytra wings without needing to equip any.

gale wings [+]

you can propel yourself forwards a small amount.

rideable [+]

players can ride you by interacting with you.

claw grip [+]

you can pick up mobs.

fresh air [-]

you are enfeebled when not exposed to the sky.

embellished egotism [-]

you can only wear golden armor.

jimmy: bad guy [impact - •••]

you’re just generally a bad person, and your abilities reflect that.

bomb tosser [+]

throw a bomb into the air to quickly explode.

undying determination [+]

when your health is low, you can burst in a rage of fire, healing yourself whilst becoming stronger for a short time.

mischievous mist [+]

you can disappear in a mist for a short time.

fire immunity [+]

you are impervious to fire and lava.

carnivore [-]

your diet is restricted to meat, you can't eat vegetables.

stacy: strider [impact - •••]

travel the vast oceans of lava with the speed of a strider.

fire immunity [+]

you are immune to all tupes of fire damage.

nether inhabitant [-]

your natural spawn will be in the nether.

hydrophobia [-]

you receive damage over time while in contact with water.

lava walker [+][-]

you have the ability to walk on lava source blocks! you are also quicker while walking on lava, and slower on land.

rideable creature [+]

other players can ride you!

fungus hunger [+]

you can eat warped fungus to recover some hunger, along with a small speed boost.

owen: human [impact - •••]

a regular human. your ordinary minecraft experience awaits.

scar: witch [impact - •••]

cruel and cackling, witches are masters of brewing, and are great with magic.

better potions [+]

you consume potions better than most, potions will last longer when you drink them.

perfect potion [+]

get a random potion effect, based on the situation you are in.

pillager aligned [-]

villagers don't like you, and pillagers like you!

pearl: copper golem [impact - •••]

the copper golems are a curious automaton, designed to improve the lives of others. since they were initially prototyped, they have gained a greater knowledge of redstone components and ways to utilise them.

repairs available [-]

your body cannot be naturally or magically mended. you instead repair by consuming copper ingots.

oxidation [-]

your copper body makes you susceptible to the elements, oxidising you over time. oxidation can be removed with an axe.

galvanise [+]

honeycombs allow you to wax yourself, staving off the effects of oxidation for several minutes.

lightning rod [+]

while in thunderstorms, you're much more likely to get struck by lightning. you are immune to lighting, and de-oxidize when struck.

copper plating [+]

your chassis is made out of copper. as a result, you passively have resistance.

local area networking* [+]

you have modified an antenna to fit to your head permanently to recieve radio signals.

micro machine [-]

you are only one block tall, and your maximum health is reduced.

automaton [+][-]

your body doesn't experience hunger, and you don't benefit from natural regeneration.

button masher [+]

your programming gives you an overwhelming urge to press buttons. every time you press a button, redstone dust will drop.

tinkerer [+]

you can quickly convert a redstone component into its similar counterpart.

transmute [+]

you are able to transmute copper into other metals, allowing you to craft more metal items.

toolsmith [+]

you can also use this skill to create various metal tools.

circuit corrosion [-]

being submerged in water will damage your internal circuitry. your plating will protect you from rain, however.

heavy metal [+][-]

you don't need to breathe underwater, but your dense body holds you down.

* active ability. when standing within 5 blocks of unwaxed copper, emerald, or diamond ore and blocks, you will beep. you oxidise faster while this is active.

pix: archeologist [impact - •••]

you are obsessed with fossils and relics, artifacts and more. talents gathered among your years of practice will surely help you along your journey.

archeology [+]

from trash to treasure, you can find anything in the dust times of long past.

fortunate [+]

you naturally have two levels of fortune.

favorable fashion [+]

wearing a full set of leather armor results in a set bonus.

sacred respect [-]

you find yourself troubled by the idea of destroying structures of ancient times.

entomophobia [-]

days of looking underground is sure to put the fear of bugs in anyone.

martyn: chillager [impact - •••]

errrrr! you freeze yourself and your opponents alike, however being cold finds itself much more beneficial to you than your enemies.

cryofreeze [+]

you can temporarily freeze yourself, negating all damage and regenerating health for a short time.

frozen falling [+]

when hitting a target, they'll have trouble moving for a small moment.

frozen touch [+]

when hitting a target, they'll have trouble moving for a small moment.

fine motor skills [-]

being cold results in a loss of fine motor skills; good luck trying to attack a target in rapid succession.

[janicekao]

Control

(Joel McHale & Jeremy Allen White x Black OC)

Pairing: NYC Head Chef x Black OC

(dark smut)

Carmen Berzatto x Black OC

(fluff)

Summary: NYC Head Chef enjoys degrading

his chef apprentices.

Warnings: Smut, 18+, non con, emotional manipulation, degradation, very large age gap, painful sex, violence, breeding, crying, dark romance, hate sex, toxic, etc.

6099 words

Wattpad link

Author’s Note:

First tumblr post! (Idk what I’m doing) My friend and I were talking about The Bear (2022) and how absolutely crazy that one minute cameo of Joel McHale (Head Chef character) when he was absolutely tearing a brand new hole into Jeremy Allen White (Carmen Berzatto character) in the "NYC flashback scene" because it was just awful and intense!!!!

Here is the scene, and there isn't any show spoilers:

We agreed that the way Joel was yelling at him, had a bit of tension to it and it lowkey seems like Joel's character is the type to get off on being a complete dick.🤣

So I then had an epiphany LOL!

Joel McHale is literally 6'4 and lowkey beekeeping age level of hot, his character is constantly yelling and making people feel like shit! So this would make a great oneshot story for the readers with a degradation kink.

Enjoy my babies <3

———

Prim realizes that it's now the fourth time that Chef Carmen has told her that she's broken the sauce...

The Head Chef has finally taken notice.

He hovers close by her as he watches the mistakes continue to happen.

She begins to gulp with fear as she tries to earn space between her and Head Chef Joel.

"Chef, I-I appreciate your input, but I-I'm getting approval from Chef Carm—"

"And now you're getting approval from me, stir the fucking sauce, Chef." He immediately interrupts her stuttered plea.

She begins to stir the butter sauce quickly.

Mixing it with a metal spoon isn't how it is done, and she knows this. However with her nerves being racked, she stirs with the first thing that comes to mind, a goddamn spoon.

He grabs her wrist.

"Are you fucking dumb? You'll ruin the sauce, where's your fucking whisk?"

"Right—fuck.. what was I thinking?"

Chef Prim beats herself up with thoughts over her simple and dumb mistake.

Pressed behind her against her left hip and ass cheek, Chef Joel enjoys the gyrating of her thick frame as she whisks frantically into the sauce pan.

His cock begins to ache as it stiffens into a full erection...

Hard enough for her to notice it pressed against her uniform if she weren't being shouted at and quickly approaching an anxiety attack.

The tears streaming down her face only makes Chef Joel want to smile, aroused and concealing the devious grin peeling at the corners of his lips.

He continues to sternly whisper over the young girl, causing her to panic and hardly be able to focus as the massive man invades her space and continues to distract her with his harsh criticism.

"I swear to god Prim, you're already heavy handed with salt... if those salty fucking tears drop into this pan you're fucking out of here. Suck, it, up."

She sniffs her tears back, gently whining and wanting the torture to end.

God, he loves her sweet sobs.

Joel shuts his eyes as they roll into the back of his skull. He quietly gulps back his pleasure as a bead of precum leaks out of the tip of his erection.

Wrecking her is the best thing he's ever done.

He could lick the tears streaming down her reddened cheeks, he'd even inhale the bratty whines that spill from her tongue.

"STIR THE SAUCE, CHEF!!!" Joel shouts louder in her ear, her friend from Culinary school, Carmen Berzatto wants to stand up for her... but instead he keeps his eyes down, and continues his own job.

Standing up for another chef is something that you just can't do in gourmet cuisine... Speaking up could put both of your asses on the line being that all chefs have to do their jobs perfectly.

"You're terrible at this. You're no good at it.

Keep going faster. Why are you so slow? Why are you so fucking slow?" He continues his verbal abuse towards Prim as her only friend Carmy, continues to ignore what is happening.

Prim frantically whisks so hard that she nearly throws out a hip. Little does she know, Chef Joel doesn't actually care how hard she stirs, he just wants to feel her wiggle a bit harder on his cock.

As much as she worries about stirring, she completely forgets to lower the heat.

The butter caramelizes far too dark and becomes burnt.

"Shit!"

Prim has an outburst from her own disappointment.

Sadly, cursing in a fancy restaurant like this is highly looked down upon... another reason for Joel to bitch at her.

"Burnt the sauce and now you lack hospitality and respect!"

Joel lets her have it.

"What are you doing here? You are absolutely shit at everything! A pathetic sack of shit."

She tosses the smoking sauce pan into the sink and the other apprentices begin to laugh at her being that now the kitchen smells of burnt butter.

With eyes full of tears, Prim looks up at her boss once more.

He can't even stand her sight. "Go."

"Hands!"

Chef Joel yells for the attention of each of his workers.

"Everyone, take your half hour before the dinner rush.

When you get back, someone better be able to make me a fucking herb-butter sauce for the Lamb Chops on tonight's House Special, or I'm going to blow my own fucking brains out! Move people!"

The chefs are able to breathe again.

Finally, their thirty minute break that they only receive because it's legally obligated.

Carmy usually would take this thirty minute break to stupidly gobble down some garbage microwaveable dinner, knowing that he's one of the best cooks the world will ever see.

He also enjoys to take this time to get a few puffs off of a calming cigarette, but today he puts his lunch and cig to the side for a talk with his friend Primrose Dodson instead.

Knowing that Prim has been a bit of a crybaby since their days back in Culinary school, he knows that he can probably find her sobbing outside somewhere near the dumpsters.

Carmy takes his chef jacket off placing it in his locker before he begins his search for Prim outside, soon enough finding her exactly where he thought she'd be.

"Primmy." He gently coos as he lights a cigarette anyways.

"Come on, you've gotta do better than this.

We are big time now, you can't start to cry when things get tough."

"Carmy, come on!" She wipes frantically at her tears.

"It's not like that! You act like I cry over nothing!

Don't you see how that asshole talks to me?!?"

He sighs.

"Prim he talks to everyone like that...

We endure a few months of his torture and maybe one day we will get to be as big time as he is.

Maybe snag a few of those awards, huh?

That would be nice, right?"

Carmen gets her to smile gently.

"I guess." She shrugs.

"It's just that fucking sauce!

I-I don't know where my brain's at today! I've made that sauce hundreds of times...

In our career Carmy, we can't make mistakes.

Everything has to be perfect! Honestly, I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you're so perfect."

Hearing Prim call him 'perfect' immediately warms his heart...

He nearly blushes a violent red, being that compliments from Prim overwhelms him ever since he realized how bad he crushes on her.

"Ahhh, shut up!"

He teases, gently bending over her and wiping the tears from her stunningly soft features.

"You and I graduated from the same class.

If I'm perfect, then what are you?"

"Trash."

She continues to speak down on herself.

He watches upon her, feeling his heart beat loudly for her.

Carmy kisses the side of her cheek.

"Not even close."

He pulls her up from the dirty gravel as she brushes off her pants.

"Listen." Carmy continues.

"We are going to get back in there after break, and you will speak to Head Chef—"

Prim interrupts."But Carmy!—"

"Shhh." He hushes gently.

"Let him know how determined you are.

You are not one day of bad sauce-making, you are a million days of an incredible chef!

Don't give up Prim, you belong here."

...

Prim softly absorbs Carmy's positivity and support...

"Okay, fine.. I'll do it."

"Atta-girl!" He grins softly.

"You'll be just fine. Hey listen, enjoy break, but I'm going to get back inside and check on the schedule and meal prep.

You got this Prim, I believe in you sweetie."

———

As Prim pulls herself together, preparing to ask the boss for a second chance, Carmen gets back to work... Getting ahead of the game with a few other overachieving chefs.

As Carmy works, he gets a surprise visit from Head Chef Joel.

"Why do you hire fucking idiots?"

Joel frightens Carmy as he sneaks up behind him.

"Excuse me, Chef?" Carmy continues to work.

"You heard me right." Joel continues.

"When I'm not around, I expect you as leading chef apprentice to get rid of the fucking trash, why has it taken you so long to fire Primrose Dodson?"

Carmy gulps.

"Chef, I do believe in her talent Chef Joel.

I believe she may be having a rough day, but I have seen what she can do. She is an extremely talented chef."

"You've seen what she can do."

Joel begins to chuckle as he repeats his words back at him.

"What can she do Carmy? Suck a mean cock? Fuck you real good? Why else would you be chasing behind her and kissing her cheek by the dumpsters?"

Carmy's eyes widen in shock.

Head Chef watched them, meaning that he also heard Carmy and Prim call him an 'asshole.'

But what should Chef Joel care for? He knows that he's a prick, he knows how he treats people and he loves it.

"No sir." Carmy continues.

"It's nothing like that at all. Just friendly support.

See, Primrose and I went to culinary school together.

I know for a fact that she is one of the best bakers, dessert artists, and gourmet cooks one could ever meet. She has a way with exploring the sweetness and tartness of fresh fruit like something you've never seen before."

"Cut the bullshit Carmen." Joel presses.

"She has you choked up every time she bats her eyelashes at you. Don't act like you haven't noticed how her ass sits in the uniform... Clearly bought a size too small to fit her like a glove and make you lose focus of her careless mistakes."

"SHE IS NOT A CHEF, CARMEN."

Joel begins to shout.

"You can send her into my office all that you want...

I don't give a fuck that she can bake sweets in an EasyBake oven, I'm looking for chefs!

Not soft eyes and big titties.

I expect more from you, stop disappointing me."

———

Break winds down to only fifteen minutes left and Prim finally finds the courage to enter Chef Joel's office.

Carmy watches in the distance...

But strange enough, his sad puppy-dog eyes don't give her the reassurance that she needs...

Poor thing has no idea how this is going to go...

As she enters into the tiny broom-closet shaped office, she begins to see why Joel is such an asshole. His office sucks!

"Chef Joel?"

She gulps, noticing his glasses off and clearly trying to relax for the last few minutes of break.

"Oh... I apologize, maybe I can come back?"

"No." He clears his throat.

"Good, come in, I was meaning to speak with you."

Prim smiles with hope.

"That's great to hear actually, you see, I was hoping that—"

Joel immediately interrupts her, uninterested in what she has to say and already having his mind made up.

"I'm moving you to the front of the house.

Waitress aprons are in the supply closet down the hall and to your left."

Prim's heart instantly breaks.

"What?" She frowns.

"I'm not moving to the front of the house! I'm a chef!"

"You're really not." Joel sighs.

"You can either go to the front of the house or go home.

You've been such a fuck up, I was just going to kick you out, but your boy Berzatto asked graciously for me to give you a second chance.

"So do that!" Prim continues to explode.

"Then give me another chance!"

"YOU ARE NOT A CHEF."

Joel stands abruptly from his desk and his shouting begins to frighten Prim as his tone rains down upon her.

"You're a whining little fucking baby who can't take the heat of the kitchen. Now take off that fucking uniform!

Try wearing a low top blouse, it'll up your chances to earn better tips. You are not tough, you are bullshit, you are talentless."

Not being able to take another day of being yelled at by him, Prim slams her fists against his chest, sending Chef Joel back a few steps to give her the space she's been wanting all day. "I HATE YOU!"

Noticing that she just put hands on her boss and has washed her dream career down the drain, Prim's eyes widen as she gasps.

She clutches her hand against her mouth in disbelief of what she's done. But, Joel isn't the type to back down from an altercation... most of the time, he's the one who starts them.

Joel grabs her, easily manhandling her fight as he painfully pins her wrists over her head and against the door.

Her anxiety worsens.

Oh, what a terrible feeling it is to not be in control.

"I read your stupid fucking resume.."

Joel begins to grit his words through his tightened jaw and grinding teeth as his anger peaks at an all time high.

"The only thing decent that you can make are desserts.

Everything else, you ranked mediocre scores in Culinary School. I sat at that panel and crossed you off of the list immediately because I knew you had no fucking business getting one of the twenty spots here at this apprenticeship.

You never have deserved your spot here."

"Chef! Get off of me!"

Prim fights as tears stain her cheeks and his large body begins to crush and suffocate her against the door.

"Ms. Betty fucking Crocker."

He begins to chase her eyes each time she turns away from him and his glare. Joel laughs deviously at her sure displeasure. "Why are you even here little girl?

Could have easily had yourself a little rat infested bakery in Harlem, but you actually thought that you were better than that... So let me be the first to tell you, you're not.

You're nothing. You'll never work gourmet and you'll never be an executive chef."

His words puncture her like a knife...

If it weren't for the amount of force keeping her up by her wrists, Prim's knees would've buckled by now as she'd sob to the ground.

...

"Please let me go."

Her fight is over, she loses the headstrong battle and completely drowns herself in tears.

"I-I'll tell HR what you've done to me, I will write a report on you!"

"HR?" Joel laughs.

"I am HR, I am everything here.

This is my restaurant and everything in it belongs to me... Even you."

Prim finally relaxes enough to notice that it isn't her pens and note pad stabbing her in her pockets. It's Joel's throbbing hard-on pressed flushed against her heat.

Releasing one of her wrists, Joel forces his hand inside the front of her white uniform pants.

Moving too quickly, he misses the opportunity to enter through the waistband of her panties, but that doesn't stop him from tearing them to the side and grabbing her sex inside of her pants.

She squeals as the seams from the bed of her panties tear and pop on her skin. Torn in the perfect place, leaving her pussy bare and in the palm of her boss's hand, Prim gasps at the sudden surprise.

Fingers rolling through her slick folds, she watches up at Joel in disbelief.

His pupils have burst... He's hardly even there mentally.

Hungry for her reaction and hatred for him, Joel's mouth waters as he watches her doe eyes fear him.

"A-Assault!" Prim stutters.

"Sexual Assault and Abuse!"

"I'm not even doing anything, Prim."

Joel's voice darkens into baritoned groans.

"You're the one fucking my hand."

Confusion dazes her mind.

Prim looks down at her hand holding his wrist for more of a support than a fight... She also notices the rolling in her hips, clearly getting relief as she rides the fingers of his hand.

She hadn't even realized...

Poor girl fighting the disagreement between her mind and body more than her actual fight with Joel.

But God, his hand feels good.

Long digits, cleanly short trimmed nails, a wide palm, and slightly callused skin...

A hand that has made the finest cuisine for royalty and famous public figures for the last twenty years.

A hand that is constantly talked about in every culinary magazine known to man.

A hand that is insured, and worth more than the lives of the entire kitchen staff!

... And here it is edging Prim, bringing her to a well deserved cum after another long day of pure hell.

She tightly wraps her arms around Joel's neck as the two part lips and share each other's moans in an aggressive tongue kiss.

Joel pushes from her tongue kiss, listening to her mewl with needy desire. He places his now soaked fingers into his mouth as he would taste a sample of his chef's cooking.

He absorbs it on the tastebuds of his tongue, scowling in thought as if he were coming up with opinions of what ingredients it may need.

"God you're sweet, Strawberry Shortcake."

He teases once more at Prim's love for baking dessert.

"Take all of your clothes off, I don't even want to see a hair-tie on you, understand?"

Joel takes a seat in his desk chair, manspreading his lap as it soon appears to be a yummy seat of bent long legs for Prim to sit on.

"Yes, Chef." She immediately obliges as every article of clothing leaves her flesh.

"Lock the door."

Joel gives his demands in a daringly hush tone.

Prim turns around, turning the lock and jiggling the handle to be sure of no surprises later on.

As she turns back around, she notices Joel's pants and briefs halfway down his legs, fisting his erection as he watches her with devious intentions.

Prim quietly watches at a distance...

She knows that being six-foot-four, Joel is the tallest man in the kitchen... most of the time, the tallest man in any situation.

She figured that he would be well endowed, but what she didn't expect was to see his erection being the same girth of her own wrists...

Gorgeously tanned and long with an already moist rose colored tip, but far too large for what she can take.

"Come 'ere."

Joel softly commands her to come back to him as he notices her frozen stare while clinging near the door in fear.

Continuing to tug on his cock, he pauses to feel on the soft young flesh now infront of him. His erection continues to stand tall, flush against his abdomen where his navel would be under his chef's shirt.

Joel's large hands nearly eat up her waist, almost doubling over as his fingers wrap around her.

He bites his lip as he watches the way his strong fingertips dimple her soft flesh.

He loves the gentle pudge of her belly and the roundness of her childbearing hips.

Prim's breasts are full, perky, and sit up with puffy brown areolas and pointy nipples of aroused buds...

Pretty like the appearance of his world famous almond-butter blossom cookies topped with Hershey kisses.

A million dollar baby.

She's so feminine it kills him inside, he finds her to be extremely malleable... Wanting to make her his, and have her as his sex-pet.

Better yet, let her have him as whatever she wants.

Used to the boring sex and cold bones of NYC's Fashion Week models that he constantly gives on the house martini's to, he absolutely can't wait to devour all of Prim's rich warmth.

He knows how beautiful she is as his heart beats wildly out of his chest for her, but will he ever tell her that? No.

He's rather far more excited to call her his slut as he watches his cock bulge through her stomach.

"You're thinking I could easily tear you into two, aren't you?" Joel's lips gently part as he takes a nipple into his mouth with a gentle kiss.

Prim trembles at the feeling of his mouth on her, softly placing her fingers on his shoulder for stamina.

"Oh?" He thinks to himself. "Someone isn't touching this body the way they are supposed to."

"I should split you into two, shouldn't I?"

Joel's eyes stalk up at her as he gives the same treatment to her other breast.

"For being such a fuck up? Hm?

What do you think Primrose?"

A hot tear graces down her cheek as she closes her eyes, trying her best to fight the enjoyment of Joel's gentle kisses now coming down the skin of her belly.

Joel's right hand leaves her hip and winds back to violently leave a smack on her ass.

The recoiling bounce of her round ass cheeks makes his cock twinge with desire.

"You haven't answered me once."

Prim yelps at the sudden sting, she presses her other hand onto his shoulder and depends on him fully to keep her standing.

"No Joel!" She sobs.

"Who?" Joel frowns at the sudden use of his name.

"Chef!" Prim corrects herself.

"I-I don't want you to split me into two."

"Say that you're a fuck up, Prim."

He continues to get his pleasure from degrading her down to a pulp of mush.

"Admit to it. You're a fuck up, and you're a whore."

Her eyes dart open, glossed over with tears.

"I'm not a whor—"

Joel immediately stands from his chair, towering over her as he forces out her submission.

"I swear to god, I'll fuck you right now without any mercy." Joel threatens her with an injuring grasp to both of her arms.

"No!" Prim weeps, stuttering what he wants to hear her say in vast embarrassment.

"I'm a fuck up, and I-I'm a whore..."

The shame burns her face, however, she's glad that he has sat back down.

"Good, baby."

Joel coos as he pulls her back to him.

"Now I'll take care of you. Work you open a bit, hm?"

Hearing him use the term 'baby' to refer to her, makes Prim melt. She likes when Joel is nice to her, but maybe she likes when he is mean too.... How else did she end up here with soaked thighs?

As he notices her nod, Joel gently lifts her onto the edge of his desk.

He places her legs on his shoulder blades, and between her thighs open widely for him... Kinda like looking down at a dinner plate of gourmet cooking.

He notices Prim's entire body trembling and he loves every second of it. Kissing her ankles on each side of his face, Joel bends his face closer to his desk as his wide tongue swipes through her cunt.

The feeling turns her arms into putty and Prim quickly catches herself as her elbows slam keys down on his computer's keyboard.

Joel finds her clit.

Licking the bud and slurping it into his mouth as it pulls from her flesh.

Prim shouts a desperate moan, attempting to push his head away from her.

Her clit already swollen and toyed with from each time she'd squeeze her thighs together for sexual relief.

Joel tossses her hand out of his way, however allowing her to run her fingers through his hair because he likes the feel of it.

His slurping and swallowing is lewd and far from gentle, as if he were trying to devour her completely.

His tongue presses at her entrance and begins to probe as far as it can go inside of her.

Warming her to the coming fuck, Joel places a finger inside and realizes how tight she actually is when he struggles with adding the second one.

"M'fuck! Chef, please let me up!"

Prim nearly hyperventilates as a spring painfully tightens in the midst of her stomach.

"I feel like I'm going to pee! Let me go!"

He forces in a third finger instead, it's uncomfortable, but it also brings her closer to her cum. Joel's fingers spasm upwards, knuckles curling and knocking on the walls of her g-spot.

"Joel!"

She complains, now prying his fingers from out of her cunt and his lips from the kisses at her clit.

"I-I can't hold it!"

Joel knows from the way her pussy is collapsing around his fingers that she's almost there, however watching Prim worry that she'll piss herself gives him the ultimate amount of joy.

Her breath hitches inside of her throat, as she gasps for air once more. Her pussy soaks the desk and between her thighs as she finally squirts for him.

Wanting to shout from the exhausting orgasm however she can't, inaudible due to it stealing her adorable raspy voice.

Pussy numb and worked through, Joel can't wait to find his nut in the depths of her womb.

Devious thoughts of keeping Prim here, swollen and fat with his baby as he watches her work his kitchen, crying obnoxiously and tired, makes him so horny.

The man is truly awful... So terribly mean that he doesn't even know if he likes her or hates her.

But to him, there isn't a difference.

Prim's eyes hang almost shut as her full lips are parted, clearly tired while still coming down from her high.

He snatches her off of the desk and into his lap like a rag doll. His cock painfully rock hard and balls blue from being so patient with her.

"Please.." Prim begs softly.

"I can't, I need a break.

I-I can give you head but Joel, please I'm numb."

"Don't want your mouth." Joel refuses as he prepares to fuck her dumb. "I've had enough of that all day today."

He lets Prim lean against his body, chest to chest in the office chair as she lays her head tiredly against his shoulder.

"But I won't talk back again."

Prim continues to plead mercilessly.

"I promise Chef Joel."

"Hush now, Prim."

His mouth marks her with love-bruises as he sucks rounded red and purple hickies on her flesh.

He wants the world to see who she belongs to, he wants Carmy to see who she belongs to.

"Save your promises for something you'll actually keep.

I know that a brat like you will always talk back."

Lifting her off of his lap, Joel lines his cock with her entrance. Only gliding it once through her slickness for lubricant, he then sets Prim all the way down, slowly having her take his every inch of impalement.

"Fucking, shit." Joel hisses, tightly shutting his eyes at how nicely her insides hug him.

"Ahh, I'm not lasting long in this shit."

"M'Joel!!!"

Prim whines, arms wrapped around his neck as he lifts her underneath her thighs and lowers her continuously back onto his cock.

"I know baby." He gulps. "Fuck— I know."

Checking his watch, he realizes the restaurant is soon to reopen for the dinner crowd.

He isn't very worried, confident that a warm cunt like this will have him cumming in under a minute.

Joel sets Prim down on the entirety of his erection, pressing his hand over the prominent tummy bulge and the cushiony flesh of her cervix.

"Fuck that's good." He mewls.

"Listen to me." He begins.

Prim silently hangs her head in the crook of his neck.

He snatches her face into his view, strong fingers cupping her soft cheeks and puckering her lips.

"Who are you fucking?"

Joel grunts with each thrust into her, suddenly becoming furious if anyone else has had this pussy.

"No one."

Prim's warm cinnamon scented breath warms his face, he knows that she's been sneaking cinnamon streusels out from the desserts tray prepped for tonight. He can smell it.

Joel could yell, but the sweet warmly scented breath causes a web of his jizz to paint her insides.

He calms himself before he cums too quickly and erupts.

"Prim, I'm not fucking around."

Joel presses on, watching his newest love be bounced on his cock, tired and near drooling.

"I told you to take off your clothes and they instantly fell to the floor. Who else do you get this fucking slutty for?

And don't fucking lie to me."

He strums her clit like a guitar string to wake her out of her sex-daze.

"Just you!" She bursts truthfully...

Determined to gatekeep the new jewel that he has found, he is forced to trust her words.

But Prim is no liar.

What chef apprentice has time for a sex life during their terribly busy schedule?

The best enjoyment Prim gets at home is from a vibrator that never gets her where she needs to be... just helps her sleep.

And other than a few finger-happy frat boys in college, she can't remember the last time she's been touched by anyone but herself.

Pausing with his hips flushed against her ass, and cock still buried deep inside of her, Joel looks at the girl with thoughts of having something more with her...

He shakes the thought from his head...

No. He'll never be that fucking nice.

"I won't be your boyfriend, I won't be your man, and I won't be your fucking friend."

He begins with stern determination.

"But god knows that I am going to fuck you like this every day because you are mine.

If I find out you're giving this pussy away to anyone else I swear I will ruin your name in every worthy restaurant in the entire world. I will have you slinging Big Macs for the rest of your pathetic little life, understand me?"

Joel threatens his young apprentice, but he knows because he is starting to care for her, he'd never actually jeopardize her future.

Prim gently caresses the sides of his stubbles face as she begins to smile lightly.

"Smiling?" Joel thinks to himself.

"Why the fuck is she smiling? Such a pretty smile, but what? Does she think I'm pussy or something?

That she's won?"

"Don't fucking smile at me..." Joel gulps, continuously throbbing in the pit of her pussy.

Prim lowers her eyes into something intoxicating and soul stirring. She begins to arch her back, slowly bucking her hips against him as he watches her come alive and fuck him back.

"I think you like me, Joel.."

"Are you fucking stupid? What did I tell you to call me?"

He gulps.

Prim sweetly nibbles at his earlobe, enticing him with a whisper. "I'm sorry, Daddy."

A caught breath chokes him.

Joel has to catch her hips before her grinding makes him cum.

Daddy?

God he loved that.

"Chef."

He corrects her in a gulp as the muscles in his entire body begins to tighten.

Receiving a kiss from her doesn't help...

He wants to feel these kisses every morning that he wakes up.

Only insulting her can help with the way that he feels right now, so that's what he does.

"You're a terrible chef, a weak woman who cries too much, hardheaded, ill tempered, pathetic, and your sweat stinks."

He lies, her sweat smells as if someone were baking cookies.

"I stink?" She coyly taunts.

"Maybe I should get up then."

Prim attempts to get up and Joel refuses.

"No!"

Sounding desperate, he tugs her back down into his lap, wrapping his arms around her as he embraces her and inhales the smell of her sweet smelling perspiration.

Prim laughs at him as she softly brushes her fingers through his hair. "I thought so."

He's losing...

Losing this battle terribly.

"I despise you." He ups it a notch.

"You think you're winning but you'll be nothing but a toy to me."

"And you'll be nothing but a wet mouth to me."

Prim contends. 

Annoyed with her back talk, Joel grabs her arms, pressing them against her sides.

"You are such a b—"

"Bitch?" Prim interrupts, making the Head Chef's eyes widen. "Yeah, I'll be that bitch. The only bitch that can make you cum during this pitifully short lunch break."

He sucks his teeth, nostrils flaring as if angered steam could come out any second now.

Instead of arguing with the pragmatic girl any longer, Joel puts his words to action...

He stands up from the chair, carrying Prim with her legs wrapped around his waist...

He shows her exactly what he means about becoming his toy.

Joel's eyes darken and jawline tightens.

He begins to thrash Prim onto his cock and thrusting upwards into her with an awful attitude of pure rage.

Even Prim, the woman he's determined to have, can't change the ways of an impossible control freak like Chef Joel.

He will have what he wants his way, and no other way is acceptable. Hopefully Prim knows what she has gotten herself into with him.

Arms wrapped around Joel's neck and being fucked into like a whore, Prim sees what he means about being his toy.

He holds her tiny waist and violates her like his personal cock sleeve.

Fucking her with no importance as if she were a fleshlight that he'll throw under his bed when he's finished.

Her eyes widen and the hot stream of her tears hit his back, making Joel grin deviously knowing that she can't take the rough fuck from him any longer.

He huffs and grunts so eager and focused on his finish that he ignores Prim's complaints about his uncomfortable jabs.

A final orgasm consumes her, making Prim once again putty in his arms, hoarse, and unable to complain.

Her nails dig into the skin of his back as she closes her eyes tightly from the shamefully lewd sounds of their bodies slapping together.

Her cunt drips with nectar for him every second and she hates that she has no control over it.

Her pussy clenches in overstimulated waves of shock and Joel's cock spasms as he continues to get squeezed. Jamming his cock in her as far as he can, he releases his hot cum... filling the girl's womb without a thought to pullout.

"Jesus— fuck, you can take cock."

His words are again harsh, however for some reason, they feel even more cruel than before.

As his balls are completely drained and milked, Joel places Prim into his office chair.

Unsure of what just happened, she closes her trembling legs shut.

She gasps as Joel prys them back apart again to watch his seed drip out of her.

Prim's innocent eyes watch up at him as she stares in disbelief... Joel chuckles and licks his lips at the sight of the oozing cum.

She now realizes that possessiveness has nothing to do with genuinely liking someone...

She is exactly as he said, just his toy.

Tucking his cock back into his briefs, the timer for dinner rush goes off on his desk.

As he turns the alarm off, Joel tosses Prim's clothes at her.

"Get dressed." He demands, without a care of her body still being sore and needing rest.

"Get back in the kitchen, and this time don't break the fucking sauce. If I ever see you flirt with Carmen Berzatto again, I'll fire your ass at a drop of a dime, understand?"

Prim sniffles back her tears...

Although her mind is full of confusion about where her and her boss stand at this point, at least she has her second chance to get back into the kitchen.

She wipes her fallen tears, redressing her sex-battered body still dripping of his semen into her uniform...

She gulps. "Yes, Chef."

[pacificwaternymph]

Empires smp s2 Western AU

Lizzie is the town mayor who everyone knows is corrupt and definitely involved in some underhanded dealings, but nothing ever really gets done about it because her little brother Jimmy is the exasperated sheriff who keeps burning all the reports on her. He doesn't know how much longer he can keep doing this for her, but what is he going to do? That's his sister.

Most of the stuff Lizzie does under the table is really pretty harmless anyway, or at the very least doesn't affect the people of the town much, so they're mostly content to let her do whatever.

Sausage and Joel are couple who married for tax benefits, and accidentally adopted Hermes when they found him living under their porch like some kind of raccoon.

Lizzie takes great pride in being the fun "aunt" who teaches him swears and feeds him more sugar than he probably should have. She also won't stop flirting with Joel whenever she gets the chance.

"Aunt Lizzie taught me about tax fraud today!"

"Why does the mayor need to know how to commit tax fraud?"

Scott is the bartender with a really complicated, off and on relationship with Jimmy. It basically consists of flirting his way out of trouble because he's definitely a dealer in the black market and a lot of sketchy shit goes down at his bar.

Katherine is the daughter of the wealthiest man in town who moonlights as a vigilante, and Shelby is the town doctor who she keeps visiting in order to patch up the injuries she gets while out at night. Not so surprisingly, they are both crushing hard on one another.

Joey is a bandit whom Katherine regularly crosses paths with. He's a bit infatuated with her even though she is not interested in the slightest.

False is a reclusive engineer whose projects are... questionable at best. Everyone has just kind of learned to ignore the strange explosive sounds coming from her house.

Oli is a musician who plays at Scott's bar. Jimmy is convinced there is something up with that guy but he is in fact, not involved in the previously mentioned sketchy shit at all. He's shockingly oblivious to all of it, actually.

Fwhip is the town's deputy who really doesn't like Jimmy. They tolerate each other for the sake of their work but things tend to get complicated when you have to work with your ex-boyfriend on a daily basis. They try to avoid one another whenever possible.

Gem is a farmer who ran away from wealthy parents because she got bored with that life. She also works at a beekeeper. Basically the entire town's only food source.

Pixlriffs is an archaeologist who came out to study a new dig site and then realized that there were so many fossils out here he could spend the rest of his life here without running out. Whenever he's not out digging he's running the local library. Has the weirdest, most random collection of hyperspecific knowledge.

[joeloverture]

hi i don’t really send asks but i saw your post so i thought i would give it a go! idk if this is considered competence kink or what but i fucking love it when guys are like strong and big and you know how much stronger they are then you, i was wondering if you had any thoughts on that in regards to joel :)

darling!! im so glad you sent me an ask. it never hurts to send writers you enjoy inquiring asks. of course, no obligation, but many of us are very open to receiving asks. im glad you made an exception, because i love thoughts of strong big muscly joel.

to me this reads a bit like size kink and competency kink? (+ reader is shorter than joel + smutty happenings + grinding + allusions to piv)

liiiiike….

maybe you’re close friends with jackson!joel, and you’re over at his house and helping yourself to his newly acquired belongings. trying to grab at a mug on the top shelf, and suddenly, he’s slipping up behind you, at your side, really just everywhere. you can smell him, too — roasted 20-year-old coffee, the soap that the nice beekeeper next door makes, and a little bit like pine. this is the first time you realize just how undeniably large he is compared to you. and maybe you get flustered. maybe your eyes widen and you scurry away, making up some excuse about having forgotten your shift across town. but joel knows better. you always tell him your work schedule as soon as you get it. he gives you leeway this time, watching through the window, still holding the mug you’d tried to reach on your own

the second time you realize his size is when they’re decorating for a party in jackson. it’s someone’s birthday and you’re not sure who’s. you’re wobbling on a ladder trying to hang up some handmade signage but all you can focus on is joel joel joel; his muscles flexing under his flannel, thighs flexing in his jeans…. he snaps his fingers in front of you to get your attention and you realize you’d completely dazed off. you shriek and nearly fall off the ladder, but joel reacts fast enough to grip it at the sides and hold you steady. his hand grabs at your belt loops, tethering you in place. and then he’s asking you, “you okay, darlin’?” in that syrupy sweet voice of his, and it takes all of your focus to nod

and somehow it all leads into the third time — you on joel’s lap, mewling and burying your face into his neck while he rocks you into his straining bulge. it feels like a fucking missile underneath you, and he must see the trepidation in your eyes when he goes to unbutton his pants. “shhh, shh. gonna make it fit, alright, baby?” and he spends all night proving that it can.

sorry this is so shitty i am achey as HELL but it’s a little something lol

[joelsmochi]

honeypie - joel miller

summary: part 2 to honey (can be read as a standalone, doesn’t have much to do with the original plot!) warnings: not proofread, 18+, slight angst?, age gap (everyone is legal!!!!!), bickering/arguing, double date trope womp womp, degradation, dubcon, creampie, joel is a smidge misogynistic insecure and possessive wc: 2.6k a/n: this is mainly just some self indulgent yet rushed storytelling (so sorry, i wrote it in an hour because i was bored at work lol)! i wanna write a part 3 and actually include the beekeeping a little more but i have nooo idea how i’m gonna do it but we WILL get there one day babes!!! until then, enjoy this fluffy angsty sex 😽!!!💓

series masterlist | main masterlist

-

“If you guys are gonna bang when I’m in the house the least you could do is be quiet!” You heard Sarah shout from the other side of Joel’s bedroom door after banging on it.

Joel grimaced, his body tensing beneath you but you were almost oblivious to the complaints of your best friend. Almost.

You didn’t let up on your movements or noises whatsoever and as much as Joel loved those sweet little moans spewing from you as you humped against him, he loved his privacy much more especially when it came to his daughter.

You shook your head profusely when he attempted to get you to stop, insisting on how you were almost there.

“Soclosesoclosesoclose—just w-wait, I’m cu—fuck. Ahh, fuck, I’m cumming. Oh yes! Yesyesyesyesyes! Ohh—oh, my God—“

Joel covered your mouth with a clammy hand, feeling torn from his mixed feelings of lust and embarrassment.

Going downstairs didn’t help him feel any better either, especially when Sarah began berating you both, not that he blamed her for it.

“Call it payback for all the times I let you and your boyfriend have sex in my bed,” you retorted.

“In your bed?!” Joel mumbled to himself.

“Yeah yeah, could have at least waited until I was gone,” Sarah muttered.

“Sorry, Sar,” you hummed, “your dad is just really hot.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Come on, man.”

“I didn’t even know you were home,” Joel complained. “You’ve been with Jared or whatever his name is all week.”

Sarah’s squinted her eyes, annoyed by the lack of care from her father. “Alex. His name is Alex dad—see, I hate this!”

“Oh, by the way, Sarah,” you said, pattering behind the kitchen counter, “wouldn’t use the open jar of honey if I were you.”

“UGH! EW! Fucking ew!”

♡

“Other than the obvious,” Sarah mumbled, “how’s my dad taking care of you?”

You wore a bright smile and looked away from your reflection momentarily. Joel was… Joel. Rough around the edges but he was a genuine person, confident in the external reality but a little insecure. Not unbearably insecure though, just enough to make you know he was trying his best.

He wasn’t the most romantic but you figured it was just from him being out of the game for so long and you knew you could train him to be more romantic if it was needed.

He didn’t push you aside or make attempts to subtly suggest you needed to leave after sex either; he’d pout real big and give you those gorgeous puppy dog eyes until you held him. He loved making you laugh.

But it definitely still felt like just sex rather than a relationship. You weren’t particularly complaining, but you weren’t bragging about it either.

“Good,” you answered.

Sarah could tell from your tone how honest it was. Good meant great, happy, damn near perfect.

“Good. I’m glad,” she said. “I was worried he’d be like one of those incels that get real creepy and pervy after thirty-five.”

“No, no, he’s great,” you reiterated. “He’s very funny. Smart. He asks me to tan in my bikini while he’s working on the hive or the yard.”

You watched from the corner of your makeup coated eye how tightly she grimaced.

“Images. In head. Don’t want them there,” she dramatized.

“I have to hear every last detail about you and Al up to where he’s shoving your cervix into your stomach. You can deal with a little sexiness from us,” you said.

“It’s just so weird,” she whined.

“Do you want me to stop seeing him?” You asked.

You had slowly began to worry about how this would affect your best friend over time, you knew it was a weird situation. You had no issue cutting Joel off if it meant Sarah got to be happy. There were other men in the world, there weren’t other Sarah’s.

“No, God! No. It’s just not as simple as I was expecting. You know?” She explained kindly.

“Totally! I’d be weirded out if you were hooking up with my dad while I was across the hall. I’m not blaming you there, or anywhere for that matter. Just know you come first.”

“Well, yeah, who else is going to wax your back hair and not judge you for it?” She teased.

You rolled your eyes at her.

“Lots of men with weird fetishes.”

♡

“Can’t believe I agreed to this,” Joel huffed.

He adjusted the waistband of his jeans making his shoulder briefly flare. You let your mind wander while Joel complained about the double date you had arranged with Sarah and Alex. You were currently waiting in the parking lot for them to arrive.

“It’ll be fun. You’ll get to meet Alex and see he is a respectable man and you and I get to pretend we’re a couple for a few hours.”

“Pretend?” Joel questioned. “W-what do you mean pretend? Are we not together?”

“Uh, no?” You said.

Joel didn’t appreciate your amused reaction and questioned you a little more.

“You never asked me to be your girlfriend— you haven’t even taken me on a date,” you explained. “Did you really think that conversation wasn’t necessary?”

“So if we’re not together then what is this?”

You sucked your teeth before simply saying, “Sex.”

Once the four of you were inside Sarah and her boyfriend felt the tension between the two of you.

You watched Joel punch in all of your names into the keypad before pressing ‘start game’.

“So Alex, what do you do for work?” Joel asked.

“Oh, well right now I’m working at a café downtown, but I’m majoring in political science to become a lawyer.”

“A lawyer?” Joel sounded impressed.

“Lawyers are great at communicating,” you antagonized. “They know what questions are… Important to ask.”

Joel rolled his eyes and motioned between you and the bowling balls. “Just go. Good God.”

“Dad, what did you do?” Sarah asked.

“Why do you assume it’s my fault?” He defended.

“Girl, what did he do?” She asked you.

Shrugging, you said, “I don’t know. Since Joel thinks he’s so great at communicating, maybe he should answer. I’m gonna go bowl.”

“Hope you gutter!” Joel shouted after you walked away. “She told me I needed to ask her to be my girlfriend.”

“You thought she was your girlfriend?!” Sarah said with wide eyes.

“Well… Yeah? Do I really need to verbally ask her that?”

“That’s why I got a strike, bitch,” you said while slapping the back of Joel’s head.

Sarah and Alex awkwardly stood up so that he could pretend to teach Sarah how to bowl properly. But the bickering between you and Joel didn’t end there.

“I thought it was obvious,” Joel told you. “I have you over all the time. We fuck. We laugh. Did I really need to ask?”

“So what would have happened if I pissed you off and you were to say ‘it’s not like you’re my girlfriend’?”

“I do not sound like that!” Joel scoffed. “And I would never do that to you, you know that. I just kinda figured you were mine, you know?”

You squinted at his unearned possession over you, feigning offense and scoffing obnoxiously.

“Yours? I’m not your property, Joel. You don’t get to claim me.”

“Oh yeah? And what are you goin’ to do about it? Fuck some other loser?”

You grinned, and immediately he regretted his words.

“That’s exactly what I’ll do,” you whispered.

Alex and Sarah sat back down and you asked if they wanted anything to eat or drink before walking away to go to the bar.

“Hi, what can I get for ya?” The boy at the counter asked.

“How old are you?”

“Nineteen, why?”

“You see the older man on lane twelve?”

He looked and then nodded.

“Well, I wanna make jealous so if you could just smile and pretend to flirt with me I’ll give you ten bucks,” you explained with a sly smirk.

“Fifteen,” he negotiated.

“Ugh, fine. Can I get two lemonades, a beer, and a water please?”

“That’s not coming out of my tip, is it?” He questioned whilst punching the order into his screen.

“It will if you don’t start looking at my boobs,” you said through your faux smile.

You leaned onto the counter and gave the employee a clear view of your cleavage, which he seemed to appreciate very much.

But Joel wasn’t only focused on the teenage boy behind the counter, he noticed the numerous men gawking at your short shorts that showed off too much of your ass with you bent over the counter the way you were.

“Dad,” Sarah’s voice brought him back to reality. “Your turn.”

By the time Joel managed to spare you had returned with everyone’s drinks and Joel didn’t give you the satisfying reaction of jealousy like you’d hoped.

Wondering if you went too far, you drank a bit of Joel’s beer to imprint a lip gloss stain for Joel to taste in between sips. Something you noticed he loved to do over the past few weeks whenever he made you coffee or tea. You never finished your drinks and Joel always lined his mouth up with your lip print to taste you every chance he got.

And as you gave him the cheap plastic cup that held his beer, you watched as he habitually sipped right where your lips had been. Occasionally licking the rim of the cup before taking his next swig.

A couple of games later, you and Sarah managed to team up against the boys and kick their asses each and every frame. They sulked while you two gloated from the ending of the final game all the way back to the cars.

“Okay, okay. We get it, girls rule, boys lose,” Alex said.

“It’s boys drool,” Sarah corrected before turning to hug her father who placed a kiss on her forehead. “Night, dad. I’m gonna stay at Alex’s.”

“Okay, babygirl. Call me tomorrow.”

“Oh, and word of advice,” Sarah whispered after you got into Joel’s car. “Girls like what boys consider pointless communication. Take her out a few times, make her feel special, and ask her to be your girlfriend. She really likes you, she’s just making you earn it.”

Joel softly smiled and nodded. “Mmkay. Thanks.”

Once he got in the car he didn’t acknowledge you in the least bit, finally free to punish you for letting those men get a free show.

“Not a word?” You nudged his arm as he drove. “You could ask me now.”

He snickered, the most noise he’s made in the last ten minutes.

“You don’t get to just fucking claim me, Joel!”

Joel sped up before pulling into a rest area.

“Come’ere,” he hoarsely demanded.

He unclipped his seatbelt and began undoing his belt and jeans.

“Don’t get all fuckin’ shy on me now, girl. Come on.”

You hesitated but unbuckled your seatbelt and climbed into his lap; he moved his seat all the way back and pushed his jeans low enough for his cock to spring up and slap his belly.

Instinctively you reached for it, but he removed your hand from his hardening length and held your wrists tightly behind your back with one hand. Using his other hand to grab your face by your cheeks he forced you to look into his cold eyes.

“Do you not want to be with me?” His voice strained as he asked that, a hint of hurt glaring in his dark eyes.

“Of course I want to be with you,” you answered.

“I don’t play games,” he said, gripping your wrists even tighter. “Don’t fucking—“ A soft smack landed upon your cheek. “Don’t fucking do what you did tonight ever again. Get on your knees.”

He slightly shoved you back as he loosened his grip on your hands and face; you submissively sank to the rough carpeted floor of the car and he wasted no time pulling your hair into a makeshift ponytail and shoving his fat dick into your wet mouth.

He tasted so fucking good, the mix of his clean flesh and salty precum like honey dripping onto your tongue. Your eyes rolled back and you moaned along his shaft as you eagerly bobbed your already hazy head up and down.

Joel’s hips rolled up in pleasure, gurgling out helpless moans as your nose rubbed the wiry hairs along the base of his shaft. Despite the aching and soreness, you loved having your throat full of Joel.

You took initiative and pushed against his hand, nonverbally telling him to make you suffer, and he shamelessly did so.

He couldn’t tell if the slick that was coating his balls was your spit or tears and he didn’t give a fuck. If you were going to show some loser teenager your tits and some loser bachelors your ass the least you could give him was some fucking remorse, right?

Joel felt powerful, in charge in ways he never experienced before. Your flooded eyes looked into his and saw how contorted his face was, so even if he was the one telling you what to do you knew you had him wrapped around your finger.

“Give me that fuckin’ throat, baby,” he moaned. “Oh, fuck! That throat is so fucking tight—mnh. God…damn baby. Feels so fucking good.”

He smacked your wet cheeks as encouragement before slowly pulling you off of his dick; you coughed at the gust of oxygen that flooded your lungs, giggling as he smacked his fat tip against your puffy mouth.

“Look at you, baby,” he whispered. “So pretty when my cock shuts that smart fuckin’ mouth a’yours up.”

“You love my fucking mouth,” you smugly said as you climbed into his lap.

“I do, but I think you forget what it’s supposed to be used for,” he whispered.

“You can stuff my mouth all you want, I’m still gonna give you a reason to use it.”

An eyebrow of his cocked up and a grin spread across his face at your confidence.

“Take your pants off,” he instructed seductively. His rough hands ran up your arms and back while you did what he said. “There you go,” he moaned when you slid down on his wet cock. “You’re such a good fucking slut for me, honey.”

“Just—just ask me, and I’ll s-say yes!” You shakily moaned as you relentlessly bounced on his dick.

Joel gripped your neck and began fucking into you from below, pushing deeper than he needed to, definitely bruising your cervix.

“You know you belong to me. All that fucking shit about claiming you and how I don’t own you, fuck was that?”

“Joe—elll, ugh!” You screamed into his chest, not sure if you were cumming or if your cunt was just overwhelmed with sensitivity. “Just ask, just ask baby I promise I’ll be good I’ll never misbehave again.”

He popped your ass and chuckled cruelly when you flinched and moaned. “Be my girlfriend, babydoll. Hmm? I want you to be my girl. You’re already my slut. Will you be my girl, babydoll?”

Your eyes gawked up at him and you couldn’t suppress the smile that tugged against your lips.

“Yes! Yes, yes, baby! Oh fuck, oh fuck!”

“Say it,” he begged. “Say you’re mine.”

“I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours I’m yours Joel! Fuckfuckyes I’m yours! I belong to you! I fucking belong to you!”

Joel felt the familiar deep stretch in the peak of his belly at your cries. He listened to you submit to him, let him claim you as his, ultimately marking his territory as he began to cum inside of your warm cunt.

“Thaaaat’s my good girl,” Joel growled as he fucked the last of his spend into you.

“Fuck,” you exhaled, climbing off of him. “You’re such an ass.”

He chuckled at this, the softness in his laughter coaxing a giggle from you.

“You love me,” he mumbled.

“Mmm, not quite,” you said as confidently as your tired body would allow.

“Oh, honeypie… You’ll get there soon enough.”

[projecthipster]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Oil on paper by ratsandlilies

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! / The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."

I don’t think I was ready for this movie the first time I watched it.

Today’s Hipster Movie, much like the last one, and, for that matter, the one before last, takes us back to the early years of the century — no surprise there, of course. Those were the years of the hipster taking form. I ought to get this one done before the end of Valentine’s Day tomorrow, because the opening monologue to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind describes Valentine’s Day, 2004. 21 years past. This movie can drink even in the most puritanical states now. 2004, a year after Robert Lanham published The Hipster Handbook and (sort of) codified this uncodifiable culture. Strangely enough, by the way, The Hipster Handbook, though it's a source for many of the lists I'm following, doesn't seem to be, itself, on the book lists. Only know that I am aware of the spot it sits in the literature / American / humour section of the Central Library. It's near the end of an aisle, low down to the floor, near the bathrooms at the south tip of the second floor. Where there's a view of the freight tracks out the windows.

But back to Eternal Sunshine. That opening monogologue comes to us from toque-clad melancholy protagonist Joel (Jim Carrey.) Like Lost in Translation again, with Bill Murray, once again this early century movie features another actor famous for comedic chops, leading an unaware viewer to think they might be in for some laughs. You’d have to be pretty unaware though. Unaware of the existence of The Truman Show (to have its own post... eventually) and Carey’s excellent dramatic skills, for one. Opening on February 14, 2004, Joel tells us he hates Valentine’s Day, a holiday made up by card companies to make people feel worse. Preaching to the choir here - although I did buy my parents some cute cakes-in-a-box today and there’s nothing wrong with that. Generally speaking, though, I'm a bitter old codger and don’t like St. Valentine’s Day very much as well. Maybe I would if it focused more on that old Roman’s role as the patron of beekeepers: a day to eat honey. I don’t really like romance stories too often either. Now it’s about time for bed, but I want to finish writing about this trippy, melancholy Valentine’s movie before the day it’s all about comes to an end.

And like the book to be reviewed next (I’m excited for that one; it’s a doozy of a brick of a novel that I spent much of last year thinking about,) Eternal Sunshine starts at the end, leaving the reader/watcher in a bit of a fog of missed context and strange mental states before leaping back, all out of order, to piece together the story. Joel moves through this timeline in parallel with Clementine (Kate Winslet,) introduced on an intercity train (God I wish we had intercities here) in a clash of baggy orange hoodie and stringy blue-dyed hair. You can see how the morose young crooners of the ‘20s (trying not to name Billie Eilish specifically, but the offing’s too obvious to pretend) have taken their aesthetics from this scene, filmed before plenty of them were born I’m sure. Point is, despite Clementine’s attempt at colour, she herself says it’s a transparent attempt. There’s a bitter greyness to this opening beyond that of the winter Long Island beach, a feeling of something missing. But still there’s great sweetness and chemistry to our leading couple and their circling and re-circling meet-cute. There’s just more to be broken down.

At this point, in the movie’s adulthood, it hardly feels like I need to throw a spoiler warning in here for what we do discover in the flashbacks. It’s the sci-fi-ish concept that the whole thing is best known for. Joel and Clementine have both taken a service to erase their memories of each other, and so the pain of knowing about their soured past and crumbled future. Technically, the most part of the movie just takes place on the night between the 13th and 14th of February, as Joel has electrodes hooked up to his head, purging sweet Clementine from his personal narrative. The thought put into how this would work is interesting in itself. It’s a home job, so there’s no strange waking up in an office wondering what procedure you went through and why. Meanwhile your house is consensually ransacked, all souvenirs memory holed. There’s a touch of dystopian possibility here– we have always been at war with Eurasia, and you have never known a hair-dyed bookstore worker. Another story about this technology might be all about how it could be misused and lied about. This one is about the consequences of it going perfectly and being used honestly. A lot of us may think we want to erase memories of pain. But a lot of us have also read enough books to know that we only grow through memories and experiences, so what do we erase in ourselves by erasing that pain? In the mid-movie series of memories, like dreams in that night, we see the original relationship evolve– falling apart before blossoming for the first time, the order more or less chronologically flipped.

There’s an obvious parallel to be drawn here, in the non-chronological decay of a relationship, to (500) Days of Summer. The tone, though, contrasts pretty sharply. Back in my post on (500) Days, I said that it’s be a very different movie with a more sombre take on the story. Well, Eternal Sunshine, predating (500) Days by a few years, may be that movie. And of course the sci-fi aspect is totally original here. That reflects in some really totally original filmmaking. As many of the memory scenes show the relationship dissolving, the memories themselves dissolve and distort in subtle ways. Day turns to night. Books turn blank. Sets grow sparser between cuts, focus blurs out and sound gets fuzzy. It’s clever stuff, and so much more interesting than if it was some high budget CGI dissolution effect. Past and present — or past and further past? — interweave within the same scenes, and it’s thanks to Carrey and Winslet’s perfect performances that you can see the transition right away. 

Reversing the order of an increasing series of arguments is also an increasing reminder of what was lost in that dissolution, what came before, and a light shone on the far from irreconcilable personal flaws involved. We realize that to start out, Joel saw a little of that classic indie movie manic pixie dream girl role to Clementine. By the end (the real end, after the beginning) she tells him she’s more than a concept, which I think is always a tough think for anyone to wrap their heads around regarding another person. But it’s less about truly seeing someone all the time with the complexity with which you see yourself; more about accepting that your image, your concept, is inevitably limited and flawed, so you should expect as much when a person is more than that. It’s tough, but also easy, and also hugely important. Funny to think that this came out the same year as Garden State, too. It feels like a response to it. Another way Eternal Sunshine differs from (500) Days, not totally but definitely, is in the susprisingly hopeful ending, an indication that growth is always possible, that love is worth it, and that even what we may not recall in the moment has shaped us. The final lines of dialogue are incredibly simple- one word, back and forth a few times, and I shan't spoil what that word is- but packed with so much meaning and acceptance. I may not be a huge romcom guy, but that can still mean something even to my old cynical heart. In the end this time-bending mind-breaking movie is as sweet as a bright orange clementine.

I give this Hipster Movie five winter beach walks out of five.

Project Hipster is a futile and disorganized attempt to dive into the world of things that the internet has at some point claimed "are hipster," mostly through ListChallenges search results.

This review comes from the twentieth list, The 101 Best Hipster Movies According to Ranker.

Up next: as aforementioned, a proper beast of a book, and don't expect time to get re-stuck in the conventional order anytime soon.

Stay deck.

[isaacapatow]

@nickitxrres * at the home despot

"Now, we better hash this out before we have to duke it out at the moment of truth," Ike said as they cut through the chain link fence that surrounded the big box hardware store. "I know you fancy yourself some kinda Fast and Furious chick, and you really are impressive when you're handling Persephone, but I dunno how much experience you got driving heavy truck and transport."

He swung himself through the hole they'd made with ease, which meant Nicki would slip through like a shadow behind him, and rested his barbed-wire bat against his shoulder as he looked across the parking lot to the store. There were rusted-out cars grouped closer in; where the two of them were standing was mostly broken-up asphalt with plants starting to overgrow it. And near the side where the garden centre had once been, Ike could make out the vague movements of mostly-stationary AZs. With nothing to excite them, they just stood there like the world's ugliest topiaries.

"When I cased this place," Ike said, pointing to where he was talking about, "there were two semis backed up to the loading bay. I checked, the gas is still good and the keys are in the ignition, so that's how we're gonna be getting the lumber and paint and all that other shit outta here."

He snorted, starting to make a wide circle towards the hardware store at a brisk lope as he brought up the reason for this jaunt. "Have you met beekeeper Joel? He's nice but damn high-strung. He told me a whole long story about a certain kind of Romanian bee-house he needs to construct, and how all that scrap wood we've got back home is run down to shit. Completely useless to him."

[monosminecraftmania]

Color!au [hermitcraft fantasy au]

so i got two notes on the previous post so here i go talking about this

(yes this is going out like a month late but shh i had stuff ;a;)

here's a full roster of everyone and everything. Hopefully this will turn into motivation for me to write but yeah. until then here have this

again, if anyone is interested in seeing close ups/detailed drawings of anyone just send me an ask and i will gladly draw them. pls im desperate

if we get 3 notes i'll. share pictures of the kingdoms.

(long long post. read at your own risk >:3)

Going Alphabetically

Bdubs - Astronomer of Flax - Lives at the top of the castle - Comically small. No don't ask it's a sore subject - Made himself a glittering cloak of "stardust"

Beef - Resident of Varie - Lives on the outskirts of the kingdom - Travels only for paints or supplies - Good friend of Etho's

Bigb - Cerule resident - Has a cloud frog as a familiar - All it does is make his shoulder slightly moist - Runs a cookie shop

Cleo - Naga, Resident of Uaine - Graveyard guardian - Made herself arms of enchanted scraps the dead leave behind - Her human disguise is a gigantic ballroom dress.

Cub - Dungeon engineer of Mauve - Will never share the recipe for totems of undying - Creates labyrinths and puzzle rooms with a small chance of death - Sources most materials from Scar

Doc - Cursed Archeologist of Uaine - Pissed off a moss spirit so now his skin's green - Can't breathe good - Cut off his own arm and made a new magic one

Etho - Crown Prince of Varie - Half fox, but vertically - Has a heavy limp so people speculate he carries old battle wounds - Very bad at hiding the fox bits.

False - Royal Knight of Amara - Gilded Eagle Hybrid. Eagle wings and colors but the feathers appear to be shimmering like metal - Kingdom is usually very calm so she spends most of her time hanging out with Stress and fishing - Kicks ass when she has to.

Fwhip - Fisher in Ochre - Gem's business partner and the less violent one of the two - Deals more in accounting than actual fish - Fixes boats on the side

Gem - Fishwife in Ochre - Not actually married. Married to THE GRIND. - Runs a fishing boat and market by the widest bend of the river - Can and will use this trident.

Grian - Geologist in Claret - That's some funny lookin floating rocks - Owns a mansion that's shared with several other people of science - Named one of the rocks Brian. Pronounced like Grian.

Hypno - Beekeeper in Flax - Has a little bee farm that he sells honey and candles out of - Has a little magic and mostly uses it to make his flowers bloom - Honestly just happy to be here :3

Impulse - Service Demon in Flax - Resident fiekind (trickster demon). Does favors for gold or food - Invented the farming plow for a request once - Will absolutely abuse vague requests and play as many tricks as possible

Iskall - Magic Blacksmith of Uaine - Makes magic weapons of all kinds, mostly swords - Has golems to help him with his work, mostly just handling hot metal - Charisma + 20. He will flirt with anything that breathes.

Jevin - Slime Amalgam - Hides in the topmost tower of Azure's castle. - Stole pieces of gargoyles to camouflage and has been collecting feathers for wings - Just a silly little guy, living his best life.

Jimmy - Whistler - Guardian of the Wishing Cave - A great guy until you realize he's evangelizing for a cult - Hasn't touched grass in years

Joe - Magic researcher in Viridian - Puts random mushrooms in his mouth - Purely curious and gets a pass from most forest spirits - Looking into the forces of death to write a funny book

Joel - Strength Bryd (forest spirit) in Uaine - In the common tongue it's pronounced Ogre - Covered in tattoos that may or may not be his past victims - Fell in love with a fish. How did it end up like this.

Jono - Local Bard of Amara - Half Dog musician who's found a nice spot in Amara to settle down - Shirts are for losers - Can beatbox amazingly well with sharp teeth.

Keralis - Holy Water Spirit - Currently napping in the big ball chained to the temple roof - Granted Xb his wish to safely walk on land - Kind to a fault

Lizzie - Resident of Amara - Half fish hybrid - Washed up in the marshes of Uaine after a storm once and rescued by a handsome ogre. - Has an army of cod.

Martyn - Servant of Claret - A Watcher - Ren's shadow - Really needs a hug

Mumbo - Wizard of Claret - Subject of all of the bad luck - Collects scriptures and studies the magic of his kingdom - Also hosts a great magic show for kids

Pearl - Royal Architect/Librarian of Azure - Started as a stable girl who threw a tomato at the design for the royal library. And instead of being arrested, she was hired to redesign it. - In charge of the upside down library - Her dragon is named Bikkie.

Ren - Crown Prince of Claret - Half dog and proud of it. - Twins with Jono who moved away to the neighboring kingdom - Curious to a fault

Sausage - Mauve Resident - Construction worker for the many dungeons and attractions - Works well with wood in the morning - Way too enthusiastic

Scar - Travelling Merchant - Sells all the wares! Even wares that don't exist! - Yes the cane is magic - Makes an annual trip across the country to Mauve

Scott - Azure Merchant - Collects fashion articles from all over the country - Runs a ferry business on the side - Might know something.

Skizz - Resident of Cerule - Chosen by a phim and gifted a pair of angel wings and a halo - Encourages body positivity! Because love yourself you jerks - Trusts blindly and with open arms.

Stress - Goat/Beast hybrid in Amara - Retractable fluff for an instant winter coat! - The hooves are more like paws, but she's got incredible balance - Runs a tea shop with odd but tasty blends.

Tango - Fire spirit - Holy spirit of fire who's honestly just confused why he's so popular - Kidnapped by Scar and escaped to Gem all within a week - Hides in Gem's fireplace

TFC - Blacksmith of Varie - Specializes in actual tools, not weapons - Has a side business of stone sculptures. Buy one get two small ones free - Has a familiar, but no one knows what it is

Wels - MC - Surname revoked. Formal title "Wels, Knight of the Realm" - Banished from his home and travelling to a faraway land - His horse is named Worse, but pronounced like 'horse'

XB - Resident of Azure - Book collector and moved out of Amara to pursue his love of books - Got a blessing from a water spirit so he doesn't suffocate - Learned flight magic and swims through the air

Xisuma - Vagabond - Originally from Mauve. Travels the lands at every opportunity - No one has ever seen his face - Incredibly helpful travel guide

Zedaph - Royal Engineer/Alchemist of Mauve - May have invented cocaine. And gunpowder - Designs elaborate gauntlets for the bold to test their strength - Decided two extra arms were a good idea

[ussenterpeen]

jeebies' most wanted!

Hi! I'm Jeebies (32, cisfem, queer, EST, been roleplaying for 20+ years) and I am a writer and moderator on Denouement, an 18+ pan/multifandom roleplaying site that's been going strong for over two years. We have a Jcink hub for apps, lore, and basic info, but most of the writing/RP takes place via real time chats (utilizing Tupper), post-by-post threads, and comm threads on Discord. We also use Cbox for RP, particularly for real time group RP. What makes Denouement unique is the sheer variety of fandoms/muses represented -- anime/manga, live action tv & movies, novels & comics, musicals & podcasts. It's truly a panfandom experience -- not leaning towards one genre or medium or another. We welcome the most niche fandom characters as well as fandomless original characters. Our members love sharing their OCs and hyping up others' as well. Below, I've written a few detailed blurbs for characters I'd really like to write against. The character wanted is in bold, and I write the character in italics.

Rebecca Welton for Ted Lasso (platonic or romantic)

I took Ted from the end of S3, leaving for Kansas City. Writing him against a Rebecca from S1 who is still bitter and an emotional mess could be a lot of fun; Ted would be able to use his therapy techniques and improved emotional intelligence to help her adjust. Talk about a reversal of which fish is out of which body of water! I think being stranded together, desperately clinging to one another for sanity and security, could be the spark of potential that leads to a slow burn Tedbecca relationship -- though I am absolutely cool with keeping them platonic/unrequited if that's not your speed.

Dean Winchester for Castiel (platonic, ideally romantic)

My Cas is from the end of S5, and I have also put him on the Summer Path, meaning he has all of his angelic powers but no memory of who or what he is. So far, he's been working as a humble gardener and beekeeper, interacting with other non-humans to try and figure out who he might be. Having Dean show up and try to help him remember things would help reshape Cas back into the being he's meant to be. And maybe they kiss a little along the way?? Plus, Denouement's got a whole lot of baddies to gank!

Tony Stark for Peter Parker (familial/platonic)

My Peter is from the end of No Way Home, so he arrived in Denouement under the impression no one would know or remember him, with both of his closest parental figures gone. He has MJ, a beacon in the darkness, but he's struggling to decide if he needs to give up being Spider-Man for good, lest he destroy this new world the way he nearly destroyed his own. Having his mentor back to help him find his way would be so great for his development. Also, if you pick up Tony, there's already a Stark Industries waiting for him to play with (and I also write Steve Rogers which could make for some draaaaaamaaaa). Plus, we have a whole cast of Marvel chars to write with.

Leonard 'Bones' McCoy for James T. Kirk (platonic)

I pulled Jim from the end of STID, so I am looking more specifically for an AOS Bones to write against, but also happy to write against TOS Bones if that's your vibe! Jim needs his bestie, and no world will ever test Bones' patience like Denouement; there are so many strange and hazardous situations that need a doctor. We have an AOS Spock, a DIS-era Pike, and a few other Star Trek OCs to write with as well!

Here's some helpful links to get started!

Guidebook Taken Canons Reserves Path/Ranking System Discord

I also write: Eddie Munson, Edwin Paine, Emma Meyer, Fiona Goode, Five Hargreeves, Joel Miller, Karen Page Rey, and Steve Rogers. I'm happy to toss plotting your way with any of these folks should you choose to join!

Aaaaand, a few other of my wanted fandoms/fandoms I just wanna see:

Star Wars, Stranger Things, The Umbrella Academy, The Last of Us, The Boys, Gen V, American Horror Story, Kingsman, X-Men, The Adventure Zone, Yu Yu Hakusho, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Barbie, Dead Boy Detectives, Doctor Who, Severence

[joelsmallishbeans-skins]

Right Side Round 2 Poll 13

[abbfrommars]

Joel miller is definitely beekeeping age

[mariatesstruther]

joel and tommy taking sarah beekeeping for her fourth bday courtesy of emma bankrolling the trip and renting out a bee farm for her and her friends for the day

@clickergossip @liveandletcry23

Four year old beekeeper distracted by a roly-poly.