#becoming the most insufferable version of me (an england fan)

[pitstopfc]

anthony gordon waiting to congratulate adam wharton on his first england call up

[jokobub]

The Great Thing About HNKNA Being An Otome Game

I had an epiphany a few months ago. I’ve talked before about how many pitfalls HNKNA experiences by nature of it being a dating simulator, and how a lot of the cooler parts of the story and lore are overshadowed by the core romance mechanic and how I’m not a big fan of it, blah blah. But I’ve also seen way too many modern Alice in Wonderland adaptations as a result of my ridiculously long-term Kuni no Alice hyperfixation, and allow me to say that there is one thing that it nails that nothing else can even come close to touching— Alice herself!

The Kuni no Alice series brings about what I think is the best modern interpretation of Alice I’ve yet to see in any media I’ve consumed. She’s quick-witted and brings the attitude, but she cares. Her reactions are realistically absurd and there are few moments throughout everything where she feels out of character or unrelatable. And I think the otome genre is crucial to why that is.

By nature, dating simulators don’t have strong protagonists. They��re supposed to be a blank canvas for the player to project onto to achieve their goals. Am I calling Alice flat? No, quite the opposite. Her story is set in a Victorian-inspired fantasy land with lots of guns and danger and a strict social structure, but it’s intended for a modern audience, and when connection with your protagonist is the key to connection with your story, a modern audience means a modern Alice.

The modern Alice is one of the hardest characters to write.

In most instances of an adapted, cool, edgy Alice in Wonderland, the most insufferable character on screen is, in fact, Alice. This is true of the Disney films, SyFy’s Alice special, Once Upon a Time in Wonderland, etc. More often than not, Alice Kingsleigh, Hamilton, whatever you want to call her, is a young adult frustrated by life in an oppressive society who will only accept her if she acts in a hyper-specific way, usually at the risk of being institutionalized should she fail to comply. She argues with her parents, who want her to get married, and all of this turns her into a spiteful girl who is always on the defensive.

It’s insufferable to watch.

The character of Alice is too often portrayed as relentlessly mean, but under the guise of empowerment. The audience is tired of weak-willed women, so the director hunches Alice’s dress up passed her ankles and gives her a sword, an attitude, and an ugly man to kiss without her parents’ involvement. Biologically engineered to shatter every well-known gender role established in Victorian England and basically nothing else, movies and TV deliver their “strong female protagonists” in the form of a curt, unchangingly rude version of Alice whose words and actions are supposed to be justified by her circumstances. And god, does it fucking suck!

You can't connect to this Alice, this armed and ready, sharp-tongued, "curiouser and curiouser" Alice who lives in a world that practically clears a narratively untouchable path to every foot she plans to step on. Personally, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. The misunderstood to confused, to disgruntled, to aggressive pipeline is overplayed to the point where the Alice of any and all modern interpretations has become, essentially, the same character, forced to loop the same 6 emotional plot points from now into eternity, no matter how many coats of science fiction you put over it.

(Yes, there is a part of me that understands this comes from the fact that Alice is most often written by money-hungry, corporate studios, led primarily by men, who do not understand feminine audiences, or how they want to see themselves represented in media. I get that. And Alice Liddell is not safe from that. But consider: she's my babygirl.)

Am I saying the character of Alice can't be mean, can't say fuck, can't have a sword? Of course not!!!! Give women swords!!! But I am saying that every time a director phones it in with that "Oh, I know that book" budget and gives a British blondie trust issues, a prophecy, and a quirked up, top hat-wearing sidekick to have unfulfilling sexual tension with, i lose my wings AND my marbles.

Enter: our Alice Liddell.

What do we have with her, really? Well, the protagonist of a mid-shelf otome game, which has sequels out the wazoo, a movie and 2 stage play runs, but still somehow only enough translated media to fill a single Barnes and Noble shopping basket about halfway. Thanks QuinRose.

But for real.

Alice Liddell is written, from the ground up, as an otome protagonist. As such, there are narrative must-haves that she can't shake. She needs to be relatable to the modern young adult, even if she's supposed to reflect the Victorian female experience. This would usually be the Achilles Heel of an adapted protagonist: you, the player, get to watch in horror as your favorite whimsical Main Girl is watered down into a bowl of nothing soup for the sake of projection and selling more copies of a game with eye candy catboys and toxicity glorification.

HOWEVER,

(stay seated girlies don't go yet)

This necessary mundanity that is baked into Alice's character, inseparable from her very being as the taste of weed in a brownie, is what singlehandedly saves this adaptation and makes her objectively the best. Unlike in a lot of cinematic adaptations, she's not meant to be the (failed) vehicle of a "deeper narrative" about the strength and roles of women in society. She doesn't exist for any higher purpose, she isn't the chosen one who will declare "Damn The Man" and force the world to listen.

Alice is a girl doing everything she can. She's experienced profound loss. She's self-deprecating. Snarky. She's been through break ups, gotten even with bullies, cuddled with her cat on a Sunday, everything that doesn't matter. The crux of her character is that she's been burned by life and love, yet she can't truly give up on them. Hers is a story of healing, of adaptation and getting back up when life kicks the shit out of you. No matter how sharply she speaks, Kuni no Alice's Alice almost always acts from a place of concern and love for others. She crucially never wields a weapon, reacting to the violence of Wonderland with that extremely jaded "holy fucking shit, what the fuck?" energy that I think any of us would bring to the table, given the circumstances. She's not her community's """lunatic,""" she's not sailing the high seas sideways, she's not on drugs, or destiny's favorite, or anything like that. She's new in town! She's sick of these people! She just wants to go home and read!

She's you. She's me. She's a clusterfuck of a damaged girl, trying to sort out what matters, find her passion and move forward without letting her past stray too far from memory. She's someone whose self-importance and perception by others is foreign to her. She wants to matter, wants not to be left alone by the people she loves, but god forbid she ever admit it.

QuinRose gives us Alice Liddell, suffering failgirl, not Alice Liddell, conceptual landmark, and that was the best possible route anyone could have taken with this character. Alice is the main character, but she is not a hero, and that's a fucking genius move.

thanks for coming to my ted talk. i love u alice.

[grimelords]

My August playlist is finished and while it does unfortunately begin with Tool it also has two of Elvis’ gospel songs on it so please believe me when I say it takes a turn! Everything you could ever want over three hours of music from 70s christian hippie cult music to a funky remix of Also Sprach Zarathustra to Ante Up.

If you’re interested in getting these emailed to you instead of having them mysteriously appear and clog up your dash, I’ve started a tinyletter you can subscrine to at tinyletter.com/grimelords

but in the meantime,

listen here

Lateralus - Tool: Tool is on streaming now and they've got a new album out and so it's a very nice time to reinterrogate a band that meant a lot to teenaged me that i have almost completely exorcised from my life since. What's interesting firstly is how much better it is to consume their music digitally than it ever was in any physical format. They apparently resisted making it available for so long for nebulous reasons of artistic control and intention, wanting a say in how their music is listened to - they design these long and overwrought albums to be experienced as a whole. My contention is that as a whole album, start-to-finish, is one of the worst ways to listen to this band. Tool have maybe 12 great songs across four albums and every single album is around 70-80 minutes, pushing the limit of the CD. Which means for every great song there's at least two ambient interludes, Bill Hicks samples, 90s alt comedy bits (Die Eir Von Satan is just menacing music and a menacing voice reading out a weed cookie recipe in german, now that's what I call comedy) that really add nothing to the experience of the album on a casual listen. Being actually able to listen to these songs on their own, and playlist them and pull them apart from the mire is so refreshing and makes experiencing this extremely exhausting band actually pleasant for once. That's not to say ambient interludes and sketches and whatever aren't worth it, I absolutely love that shit and a lot of my favourite albums are absolutely chock full of that sort of thing - just like, don't make me do it every time. Their new album seems to reflect this at least a little bit, with the more overarching themes and arcs of the previous albums replaced by more singular and self-contained long songs interspersed with dedicated 2 minute interlude tracks. The runtime blows out to an hour and a half unrestrained by physical limits but it seems to contain more actual music and less funny than any other Tool album which is a welcome change. I'm still lukewarm on the album itself, it seems to just be a complete rehashing of the ideas on 10,000 Days (to the point of almost note-for-note repetition of some old riffs and themes) which is a bit disappointing considering how long they've apparently been working on it. I'll give it more time because Tool albums always unfold over multiple listens but for now they kind of just sound like the dad-rock version of a once extremely edgy 90s band - which I guess they are now so that makes sense. As for Lateralus, I think it's their best song. The perfect combination of Joe Rogan spirit science woo-woo sacred geometry fibonacci sequence 'open your mind' bullshit and good old fashioned riffs, it's the best of both halves of Tool and great starting point if you've never listened to this band and are interested in becoming insufferable.

Mars For The Rich - King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard: This album is so good and it's finally converted me to being a full time King Gizz guy so look out for a lot more of that in the future. It's a thrash metal concept album about ecological collapse forcing the rich to flee to mars and the poor to flee to venus where they lose their minds and fly into the fire. I spent a little while the other day obsessing over the insane vocal leap in this absolutely incredible song when he jumps down an 11th on 'mars for the riiiiiiich' somehow effortlessly.

Pattern Walks - Cloud Nothings: The interplay between Cloud Nothings second and third albums is something I think about a lot. Attack On Memory is a visceral experience of depression and living in your own head where Here And Nowhere Else is about being able to finally move past it, and living with it. There's a good quote from the singer on the Genius page for this song where he says "It was almost a response to “Wasted Days” on the last record. It ends with “I thought I would be more than this” over and over and this one ends with “I thought” over a beautiful bit of music which is an easy way to explain the way I was thinking when I was writing this record. I wasn’t as depressed as I was when I was making the last album. Before, I felt like nobody liked the band and I was doing it for three years. I was not in a good place. Now, I had more time to think about why I felt that way. It’s a positive song."

M.E. - Metz: Metz put out a B-sides and rarities album a couple of weeks ago and then they put out this Gary Numan cover on it's own for some reason. It's very very good! I love just putting a generally harder edge on it without taking anything away from the spirit of the original. I also, somehow, didn't realise that Where's Your Head At by Basement Jaxx was a Gary Numan sample until I heard this cover so we're all learning every day.

The Ocean And The  Sun - The Sound Of Animals Fighting: Here's what's good: having the last third of your song just be a monotone voice reading from a CrimethInc anarchist zine over swirling guitar ambience. The drums are so good in this, Chris Tsagakis makes me want to muscle through the ska and listen to RX Bandits more, he’s just that good. The extremely crunchy part in the chorus especially, it switches through like three different distortions and sounds absolutely great. I’m a big fan of anyone that can make a very straightforward groove like the main one here really work just by absolutely leaning into it.

Uzbekistan - The Sound Of Animals Fighting: Uzbekistan is the most out-there and wild song on this album which was sort of mostly a way back into post-hardcore for TSOAF after Lover, The Lord Has Left Us.. which was perhaps a little too-out there for most. (seven minute closing track of a guy singing John Cage's Experimental Music essay over formless tabla and mandolin). The drums alone in this are worth it. The way they transition in and out of the super distorted electronic parts is so good. This song fortunately also has a section where someone recites poetry over electronic noise and a second voice whispers 'who holds your strings? wake up..." over the top near the end. I will love and defend dum-dum pretentious music until the day I die.

Gangsta - Tune-Yards: I love Tune-Yards and I'm incredibly interested in the way she interrogates whiteness. It's a complicated thing to get into in this playlist post but when she first turned up, a lot of people assumed she was african american just by the sound of her voice and music - it reaches and pulls from a lot of african music in a very postmodern sort of way and when people found out she was white, straight, cis and from New England it kind of felt like a betrayal for some people. On her 2018 album I Can Feel You Creep Into My Private Life she digs into it a lot in a way that becomes almost uncomfortable for what is ostensibly a pop album. An NPR article about it at the time said "Ever the student, the Smith-educated Garbus, who writes most of Tune-Yards' lyrics, designed an anti-racist curriculum for herself. She attended a six-month anti-racist workshop at the East Bay Meditation Center. She read the work of noted anti-racist educator Tim Wise and explored the activism of Standing Up for Racial Justice, a nationwide, progressive activism network dedicated to "moving white people to act as part of a multi-racial majority.". That's a lot. This song, Gangsta, from her 2011 album when all the hype was fresh feels like a pretty early look into the mindset she'd later fully fledge out of interrogating white identity and cultural appropriation while also participating in it. The lyrics are simple but they get to a simple point, "What's a boy to do if he'll never be a rasta?" is basically making the same point as Ras Trent by The Lonely Island except it's asking where else does Ras Trent fit? Can a white guy participate in anything like that in a way that's not cultural appropriation, and how can a culture like that participate in the larger world without being appropriated? It's 2013 tumblr discourse but it's still churning for a reason I suppose.

Ante Up (feat. Busta Rhymes, Teflon & Remi Martin) - M.O.P: An all time great Violence Song, in the same genre as Knuck If Ya Buck and X Gon Give It To Ya. Opening with "'this shit feel like a whole entire world collapsed" is such an insane way to open a song but the absolute whirlwind of threats that follows makes it feel warranted. "Fuck hip-hop, rip pockets, snatch jewels" is sooo good. I don't even care about this song I am just straight up robbing you. The absolute power in the rhythm of the overlapping getemGETEMgetem hitemHITEMhitem part is just so, so strong. It's like a VR experience of being fucking robbed.

Awake (feat. JPEGMAFIA) - Tkay Maidza: It seems like Tkay is finally nailing down her sound and she’s absolutely killing it. She’s been through a few different styles since she started out and now she’s really hit on something that’s very distinctly her with this and her other new song Flexin and I cannot wait for the album.

Big Head - Ms. Jade: Ms Jade had one album in 2002 and then basically disappeared which is a shame because she's got a very interesting approach. The star of the show is as usual, Timbaland. The man is a singular voice somehow making the tabla and a wikiwiki noise his signature sound. I love the drone of the raps interspersed with the vocal spikes and I love the chorus as the gospel vocals surge up from underneath. This whole song is just completely bizzare in its construction in a way that works perfectly and feels strangely.

Titanium 2 Step - Battles: Battles are finally back and I’m fucking bouncing off the walls. They’re a two piece now and it does not seem to have slowed them down at all which is very exciting. I can’t think of any band that has ever continued with only half of their original members and also moved forward radically every time. Everything about this song is great: the super strength drums, the hypercolour guitar and the vocals that are just screaming absolutely whatever you like whenever you like. It feels closest to Ice Cream, and Gloss Drop in general more than La Di Da Di but i’m so excited to see how the new album sounds - and how they adapt their old material live now that there’s only two of them.

Dancing Is The Best Revenge - !!!: I’ve never actively listened to !!! for no good reason, but plenty of times in my life I’ve heard a song playing and been like damn what the FUCK is THIS?! and it always turns out to be !!!. This is yet another example.

Skitzo Dancer (Justice Remix) - Scenario Rock: The first clap in this is one of the best sounds ever. Right after 'so you think you've seen and heard it all' everything drops out of the mix for this one very comedy clap and it makes me smile every time. The rhythm of the Disco!... Disco! Disco! part near the end is one of those things that's just always playing in the back of my mind, which as far as constant reminders go it's not the worst. I've also over the last week or so been a big fan of this 11 year old youtube video I found of some guy covering the bass on this song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0DLAUaV3f8

16:56 - Danger: Danger had a new album this year that I don't think I gave enough attention to because I relistened and it's very good. He spends the majority of it refining his original sound but it's such a distinct and original niche that it works out great. The songs are so densely layered and frankly just sound so beautiful! Which is a strange thing to say about 80s inspired electro but it just does. The strings and timpani in this about halfway through are just a gift as well, I love it.

Also Sprach Zarathustra - Deodato: As part of my ‘thinking about Elvis’ I was looking up a live album of his called Aloha From Hawaii Via Sattelite which has a very good cover which doubles as an illustration of how my proposed international peacekeeping satellite will function, projecting an immense Elvis themed blanket of darkness over ‘troublemaker’ regions to immerse them in an eternal freezing night until they’ve settled down. Anyway his entrance music for this this concert in Hawaii is Also Sprach Zarathustra, which is a very very funny thing to do and I think gives an appropriate measure of his status at the time. When I told my girlfriend about this she directed me to this bonkers jazz funk version of it by Deodato which deservingly won a grammy in 1974 for Best Pop Instrumental Performance.

Hollywood Forever Cemetary Sings - Father John Misty: I’ve resisted listening to Father John Misty for a long time because he just seems like a real asshole. A big brain man genius that saw what Lana Del Rey was doing and thought “what if.. me?”. But I can’t deny this song, it’s absolutely magical and as far as songs about fucking in a cemetery go it’s definitely one of the most singable.

Remember / Medicine Man - Yma Sumac: In reading about the Hollywood Forever Cemetery and who was buried there, I learned about Yma Sumac. Yma Sumac was a Peruvian soprano with one of the most incredible voices I've ever heard who was an absolutely huge deal in the 50s when Americans were clamouring for the exotic, real or imagined. She made extremely good mambo music and claimed to be descended from the last Incan emperor. Her popularity faded after the 50s and then for an unknown reson in 1971, ten years since her last album, she made this rock album. It is insane. It's the best example of 'voice as an instrument' that I've ever heard. She is making every kind of sound possible with a human voice and her range seems completely limitless. She's just as comfortable in a piercingly high whistle register as she is in deep guttural growls. About 2 minutes into Remember she just straight up jumps four octaves in a row just to flex. She also sings in a way in the second verse of Medicine Man that I've never heard before that sounds like she's blowing out her cheeks and then singing with her mouth almost closed. It's absolutey bizzare and I love it so much.

This Thing - King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard: Listening to the other album that King Gizzard put out this year is really making me appreciate how much of 180 Infest The Rats Nest was for them. This album is basically a Black Keys album of groovy fun songs about fishing for fishies with fantastic harmonica work and it makes it look even more like they just snapped when they did the next one.

The Warrior (feat. Patty Smyth) - Scandal: I've been very passively watching GLOW since the second half of season 2 and now I'm very passively watching season 3 and this song was the opening credits theme for the first episode. It fucking rocks I don't know why they don't just make it the theme song all the time. This sort of 80s hard-rock pop is very good when it's good and extremely bad when it's bad and I wonder if we'll ever see any sort of revival of it once 80s nostalgia nostalgia takes hold in 2030. Being a singer named Patty Smyth is very funny also. She's billed as a feature even though she was in the band because she left to try a solo career as soon as it was released, possibly even before. She is also John McEnroe's wife I just found out. What a life.

A Girl Called Johnny - The Waterboys: I found this song because I was googling to see if it's possibly to get a random album from spotify and instead foumd a guy on rateyourmusic who was generating random rym album pages and then listening to whatever came up if it was on spotify - which seems just as good. This was one of the albums he talked about and he seemed to like it so I listened and I did as well. Sometimes the best way to find new music is throw dice on the internet and see what comes up.

New Year's Eve - City Calm Down: The new City Calm Down is one hundred percent great and I have such admiration for them for making a complete left turn with their sound and sounding like a completely different band since their last album but being equally as great in both forms. It's very inspiring and it's also the second song of the month I've heard for the first time while walking around Richmond that's mentioned Richmond. Very spooky.

Cruel Summer - Taylor Swift: It's fucked up how good Lover is when ME! and You Need To Calm Down were so bad. It feels like they changed direction at the last minute and changed the tracklist dramatically because those two songs seem sort of wildly out of place, along with London Boy. It's so uneven it's basically two albums in one but when it's good it's extremely good. This song is fucking powerful. The way she straight up screams "he looks so pretty like a devil"? Amazing. What a crazy thing to shout. If you're interested I also resequenced Lover and took London Boy off it and it's a far better album in my opinion https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3LN1uAhp8BS8Ms4bgmHiVP

Kelly - Van She: I have no idea why but this is in the opening paragraph of Van She's wiki page: "Their label introduced them as a "new band from Sydney fresh on ideas, fresher than Flavor Flav, fresh like coriander, fresher than the Fresh Prince, fresher than fresh eggs."[2] Despite these claims, the band began with a sound very much rooted in the 1980s, heavy on synthesizer." which really makes me laugh. Van She had a very specific mid-2000s indietronica thing going that was really good as this song proves but they also did a bunch of remixes under the name Van She Tech that are very out there and completely different to the main band. Their remix of UFO by Sneaky Sound System I'm sure I've yelled about in these posts before, it's absolutely phenomenal. Anyway I guess what I'm saying is get you a band that can do both.

Shadow - Wild Nothing: Somehow I missed Wild Nothing back when they were a big thing and only listened to them this month. I listened to this whole album while I was doing housework and when it finished I though 'that was nice' and could not remember a single thing about it. That's the beauty of shoegaze! I had to listen to it about five more times for it to stick and now I'm getting more and more out of it every time, I love it.

Heaven's On Fire - The Radio Dept.: Years ago when I was having a major 'depressive episode' for about a fucking year I listened to this album Constantly and as a result for a very long time I couldn't listen to it without inviting megawatts of bad vibes back into my brain. Thankfully through hard work and time passing it appears I've fully healed my assosciations with this album which is fantastic news because it is delightful start to finish and worth getting obsessed with again.

Crystalised - The xx: It's nice to see news articles posted almost every day about which albums are turning ten years old. It makes me feel one million years old and viewing the world from a television in my hermit's cave. It feels hard to overstate just how much quiet influence the xx have had over the music landscape since 2009. Without The xx we don't have Royals and without Royals we don't have You Need To Calm Down, so. Something beautiful of theirs that I think is sad hasn't caught on in the intervening years is the idea of writing romantic duets when duets had been out of fashion for so long. They wrote a whole album of them and continue to! There's a beautiful contextual depth to it, in that it's two queer people singing not exactly to each other but with each other. In an interview they've called it 'singing past each other' which is a very nice way to put it.

Aspirin - Tropical Fuck Storm: I really appreciate the continual development of the guitars in Tropical Fuck Storm where they sound so pencil-necked and reedy in these angular little melodies and then sometimes explode into thick cacophanous howls, but what's especially good is in songs like this when they don't explode and instead just sort of sprout tendrils and crawl around each other. They're really drilling down on a very singular and very unsettling sound and I really love it. It is also a very interesting feeling to be walking around Richmond listening to this album for the first time and having him mention Richmond. Spooky even.

Pasta - Angie McMahon: "My bedroom is a disaster / my dog has got kidney failure" is an all-time great opening lyric for me. I love the way this song kicks up from the doldrums, like forcing yourself to do something just so you've done something today. Angie McMahon is so great and I'm getting more and more out of her album every time.

If I Had A Hammer - Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash: The way this song is performed here is so fucking cool. The guitar tone, June's voice and the general energy of it is just absolutely electric. It feels like Highway 61 Bob Dylan where it's still folk but it's got this massive power in it. The solo fucking rips in that very old fashioned way and when it finishes and that riff comes back in by itself it's just great.

Elvis Presley Blues - Gillian Welch: I was thinking about this song because I too was thinking about Elvis. I thought for a long time that the lyrics to this were ‘didn’t he die?’ and not ‘day that he died’ and I think I prefer mine more. Idly thinking about Elvis like “whatever happened to that guy? Must be old now. Wait, didn't he die? No way to know I suppose.”

Everything Is Free - Sylvan Esso: Rolling Stone had a very good article and interview about how this song about napster has had a resurgence and remained relevant through the streaming era which is a very good read. I love the original and really this version is very similar except for the one key difference where they really dig into the anger and frustration at the heart of it in the 'fucking sing it yourself' line.  https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/gillian-welch-everything-is-free-courtney-barnett-father-john-misty-725135/

It's Nice To Have A Friend - Taylor Swift: This is the strangest song on Lover and one of the best, I absolutely love it. It's a very old fashioned kind of Taylor Swift Love Story type song but it also has a a fucking trumpet reveille in the middle, so that really spices it up a bit. I also keep accidentally listening to this backwards - there's a few phrases like when she sings 'it's nice to have a friend' where the 'friend' lands on the offbeat but is accented like it should be ON the beat and because of the way the music is in this where it's just the steady pulse it's hard to tell whether the chime is supposed to be on the beat or on the offbeat. It feels like it sort of slides back and forth throughout the song depending on what everything else is doing around it. I don't know if that's intentional or not but it's a very interesting effect. This song is also, in my estimation, about a woman and is detailing a fantasy Taylor Swift is having where she can come out to the world with no fuss and enjoy a simple fairytale love story as a gay woman.

Psalm 42 / Chant For Pentecost - The Trees Community: I have a mental list of albums I google every few months to see if they've been added to streaming and by the grace of god one of them finally has been. Years ago I used to listen to this almost every night to fall asleep and I think it brainwashed me slightly in a delightful way, and now I finally have it back again! This is proper hippie music: a bunch of long haired new york christians who drove around the country in the early 70s in a school bus playing their elaborate and beautiful music for anyone who wanted to hear it. The multilayered, multi-movement construction of these songs is completely entrancing to me. It's not a hollow beauty, but one that brings new meaning to old words in the way they stretch and snap and waver throughout the song, moving past each other and through each other as it moves forward. I absolutey love it. Chant For Pentecost is a good illustration of the other side of them, a short song that starts sweet and turns almost maniacal. There's a wild-eyed feeling to the harmonies and the way this melody sits on a single tone for such long stretches before the frankly scary conclusion.

In My Father's House / Working On The Building - Elvis Presley: The backing vocals in these, and especially the bass vocals are so incredible. The way they work in the second verse of Working On The Building is so great, Elvis is the lead vocal but the middle harmony and somehow it just works perfectly. The harmonies is In My Father's House are amazing. The bass solo is mind blowing and the part about halfway through where Elvis swallows the mic and says "jesus died upon the cross [VRRMER] sorrow" is very funny. It's got it all.

The Greatest - Lana Del Rey: Norman Fucking Rockwell is an absolute masterpiece and this is the best song on it. Lana has always had a knack for this apocalyptic feeling but this is a whole other level.  https://www.stereogum.com/2056565/lana-del-rey-norman-fucking-rockwell-review/franchises/premature-evaluation/ The Stereogum writeup for this album was really great, and really nailed my opinion of her whole character thing as well, but he described this song as her version of that video that Ted Turner commissioned for CNN to play at the end of the world and it's really a perfect description. The part at the end where she says 'Kanye West is blonde and gone' is so chilling to me. Like Kanye losing the plot makes sense because he's only a few months ahead of the rest of us. He’s been a thought and culture leader for so long and it only makes sense that he’s spun off into space in these last days before it all wraps up.

listen here

[dailybestiary]

Knight & Megapon Ants

Knight ants are a special caste of ants dedicated to defending their colony’s home.  They grow particularly wide heads to protect their colonymates, who also benefit from the greater coordination signaled by the knight ants’ pheromones.  

Megapon ants, meanwhile, have the rare distinction of being (in the editions I own, anyway) the only Bestiary species I’ve seen to not merit a description. (Heck, I can’t even Google a good definition for megapon.)  But at CR 6, they’re nothing to sneeze at; they can carry prodigious amounts of weight; and their Strength-sapping poison suggests the sting of a fire ant or some aggressive, prehistoric lineage.

A clan of dwarves uses alchemical scents to tame and coax behaviors out of their ant livestock.  A local war calls most of the clan elders away from the hold, and when they return they discover that the artificial scents have spoiled.  Their knight ant guards now bar the way to the lower levels, no longer recognizing the dwarves as friends.

A martial arts master with some training as a druid believes in basing his forms and stances off of those in nature.  In order to learn his specialized skills (in game terms, teamwork feats), adventurers must study knight ants in the tunnels of their hill—without killing a single one.

Adventurers are racing through the canopy of the great god’s-home trees, fleeing cannibals hot on their trail.  They come across a column of megapon ants using their bodies to create a bridge for themselves and their giant aphid thralls.  If the adventurers can find a way to sneak across the ant bridge, they will easily lose their pursuers.  Otherwise they might have to fight the enormous ants and the kuru-maddened cannibals at the same time.

—Pathfinder Bestiary 5 27

I recently relistened to the audiobook version of Susanna Clarke’s Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, read by the outstanding Simon Prebble.  I first listened to it during a massive, speeding ticket-filled, two-day road trip from San Francisco to Portland via Crater Lake several years ago.  I’m happy to say I loved it then—so much so that in my hunger for more I discovered Naomi Novik’s Temeraire series and Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey–Maturin books—and I loved it now—so much so that I accrued $28 in overdue fines because I had other books checked out and didn’t want to give any of them back.  (If you throw in the speeding tickets, that’s compelling evidence that good books make me make bad choices, apparently.)

JS&MN truly is an extraordinary book—all the more so because it’s a first novel.  (Neil Gaiman’s quote about a fragment from one of Clarke’s early drafts—“It was like watching someone sit down to play the piano for the first time and she plays a sonata”—still holds up.)  The true-to-the-1800s language, the sense of place, and the treatment of academic arguments as being as important as a battle are nearly perfect.  I love the characters; I love the world; I love the faerie lore; I love almost everything.

Because I love it so much, certain things still drive me nuts.  Most of these little things are insufficiently answered (to my mind, at least) questions or breakdowns in verisimilitude: How can Mr Norrell justify obstructing the progress of all other magicians if he publicly claims to want to restore English magic…why does Childermass remain with Mr Norrell for so long even after the meanness of his master’s character is revealed…why do Lady Pole and Stephen Strange’s maladies go so long undiagnosed, even with a faerie glamour to blame…things like that.  In reality, the book may be better for not answering these questions, but they still leave me fidgety with agitation.

A second listen did also confirm a major beef I had the first time I listened to it, though: It is a figure eight of a work, its whole shape constantly circling around two black holes of noninformation.  

The first is that the actual working of magic is barely shown and never explained.  Clarke has said that she “really like[s] magicians,” but weirdly she seems willing to gloss over the magic they do almost entirely. (Early in the book this is amusing—even the characters are impatient to see magic done—but by 2/3s of the way in it’s infuriatingly coy.)  We almost never get a sense of how it feels for the magicians to do magic, or why these two men have succeeded where almost no one else has.  (That they were prophesied doesn’t cut it.)  It’s a staggeringly strange omission, especially to a fantasy fan audience used to reading about how it feels to come into one’s power, whatever that power may be.  Strange in particular stumbles into magic and then the narrative curtain closes; when it reopens he is already a thaumaturgical Mozart.  That is, as the South Park kids would say, some total BS right there.

The second problem is that this is a work of alternate history that refuses to share its alternate history.  True, the novel purports to be written by someone from Strange’s acquaintance only a generation or so later, so much of this knowledge is assumed to be held by the reader.  But despite all its many, many, many footnotes, the book barely gives us a coherent alternate timeline, and so much of how the novel’s history diverges from our own is unclear.  (For comparison, Philip K. Dick is a downright clumsy author compared to Clarke, but I can tell you more about the history of Man in the High Castle, and it’s a mere pamphlet next to the Bible-fat JS&MN.)  I don't need much more detail, but I do need more.

Worse yet, not only has Clarke created a fictional northern England with a fictional Raven King that we don't know enough about, but she also seems to have fallen a little in love with him. (Strong evidence of this is that the characters positively won’t shut up about him; he even gives his name to the novel’s third act.)  It is dangerous to fall in love with fictional people or settings, and doing so is a surefire way to undermine the story.  (Notice, for instance, how Tolkien burns the Shire, and how J. K. Rowling—whose writerly smarts are often underrated—is careful to get her characters out of Hogwarts after the love letter to it that is The Order of the Phoenix.  Now compare that to, say, The Name of the Wind, which struck me as loving its central character just a bit too much, or the insufferable anime Clamp School Detectives, whose love for its own impossible setting is a veritable fountain of onanism (see what I did there?) that eventually feels like a taunt to the viewer who will never attend there. You can’t love your fictional children too hard, and Clarke loves John Uskglass.

So as I said, a great novel, but a figure eight thanks to these two crucial holes.  Do not under *any* circumstances let these prevent you from reading it though!

Unfortunately, a new qualm came up as I was listening this time: the novel’s hagiography of Englishness. In a 2005 interview with Locus, Susanna Clarke practically quoted Tolkien word for word in her lament that England did not have a myth of its own. (Sidebar: English culture is odd in that its most famous legend, Beowulf, takes place in Denmark, a divorce of a people from its mythic geography that seems to really bother certain writers.  In fact, this lack is responsible for both The Silmarillion and JS&MN.  King Arthur doesn’t work for them for some reason; he’s either too British rather than English—a distinction too arcane for my American mind, but there it is—or too Welsh, and his legend has definitely become too French.  Robin Hood doesn’t work either, for some reason, despite his being safely nestled in the East Midlands.  The tl;dr of all this is that there is no understanding the English mythic imagination when you’re a fat Yank git.)  So Clarke fills JS&MN with her love for England—its people, its cities, and its countryside, especially the North, where she revels in its preindustrial wildness.  And Englishness as a laudatory attribute fills nearly every page.  (More on this can be found over on Wikipedia, but don’t go there until you’ve read/listened to the book, because it’s spoiler central.)

The thing is though, Clarke is smart enough to know that glorifying England, Englishness, Englishmen (emphasis on the “men” there), and king/queen and country has caused a lot of pain for other folks in the world.  So she works very hard to undercut this worship of Englishness, giving strong roles to women, nonwhite, and poor characters, and amplifying their voicelessness in the society of that time through the narrative.  It’s all a genius balancing act, and it all serves to intentionally undercut and deflate the project of England worship that the novel is busily engaged in…

…And yet, Englishness, in the end, wins out.  England remains the hero.  The English countryside itself is instrumental in turning the tide in the final encounter.  Lovely, lush, green, hilly, moor-covered England is still the hero.

Which should be all well and good, but…  Well, I’m just not on board with cheering for England right now. 

I’m a Top Gear fan.  And I watched Jeremy Clarkson’s no-one-is-better-than-us casual racism—as an American I’m spared the overt racism of his other appearances—wax stronger with every season, slowly curdling my affection.  And I watched Brexit throw my expatriate scientist friends’ careers into a tumult and imperil their research.  It was also, more to the point, a triumph of Englishness over the needs of Britishness.  

And here on this side of the pond, I’ve watched a similar dynamic play out, as many Americans have taken to celebrating America—or at least, their mean, small-minded, and resentful notion of it—to the point that pride of place and race have become more important than the principals that make America work.

So I still love JS&MN.  And I think you should read and even love JS&MN.  And zero of what I’ve said in the previous two paragraphs is Susanna Clarke’s fault.  But in JS&MN, a country is a character—the protagonist even. And right now, in 2017, loving a place more than people doesn’t feel that good.

So I’m going to return JS&MN back to the library for another 7 years or so, or maybe for longer.  And the next time I get it out, I hope I’ve fallen back in love with England and America.

Because that is the magic I most want to see.

[flauntpage]

A Guide for Who to Root For in This Trash-Ass Super Bowl

At long last, we know John Wick’s impossible task: picking the more likable team in a Super Bowl involving the New England Patriots and the Philadelphia Eagles.

Wick is a New Yorker and definitely a Giants fan, so you know this to be true.

Every year, those of us who are fans of the loser teams not playing on Super Bowl Sunday prefer to have an easily identifiable villain to root against and an underdog hero we can pin our hopes on. Last year, it was easy, as the beautiful Atlanta Falcons dominated the vile Patriots for two and a half quarters before proceeding to puke all over themselves and fall into quicksand while trying to hold up their sagging pants.

The decision this year is much more difficult.

That’s why I’m here, to break down everything about the teams and help you choose your new favorite team for three hours. Patriots? Eagles? Let’s look at this logically and solve the riddle of Super Bowl LII.

QUARTERBACKS: Tom Brady vs. Nick Foles

Brady: He was brought into existence in 2001 when a scientist stuffed a football into a jar of mayonnaise and buried it in radioactive waste. While some people can be stupid in a charming way, Brady’s idiocy is more dangerous. He’s Forrest Gump if instead of chocolates and running Forrest enjoyed highly expensive potions that give sick people false hope and cheating at football with near total impunity. Brady has so completely shed his human form that he can’t answer a simple question about which Kendrick Lamar songs he likes after saying he likes Kendrick Lamar.

Foles: No idea. Is he lefty? “Nick Foles” sounds less like a quarterback and more like a strategy created by evil hunters. He’s blond, I think. Who is the last blond quarterback to win a Super Bowl? John Elway? That was like 20 years ago. Foles would have to be the blondest since Terry Bradshaw, right? Apparently he has a gigantic shlong, but that’s going to make half the people jealous and half love him. He probably can’t name a Kendrick Lamar song, either.

Advantage: Push

COACHES: Bill Belichick vs. Doug Pederson

Belichick: He’s cold, calculating, and ruthlessly efficient at cheating. If they ever make a Horrible Bosses 3, he needs to be a character that’s stalked by Tiquan Underwood. This guy either dresses like he just got done with a three-hour biceps session at the YMCA or he’s traveling back in time to participate in prohibition. He’s a man of few words where the media is concerned because he prefers to save them for love letters to Donald Trump.

Pederson: Wasn’t this the name that Cameron Frye is always using in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? “Doug Pederson, Chicago PD!” How is this team in the Super Bowl? Before becoming head coach in Philadelphia, he spent three seasons in Kansas City as offensive coordinator and guided the Chiefs to no better than 21st in total offense in his time there. Don’t you dare say the NFL isn’t a meritocracy! He got a Super Bowl ring as holder with the Packers in 1997, which is like telling people you won an Oscar for Saving Private Ryan because you played a corpse on the beach.

Advantage: Push

CHAIN RESTAURANTS: Dunkin’ Donuts vs. Wawa

Dunkin’ Donuts: Bostonians’ years of defending the watered-down piss coffee they serve turned out to be great practice for defending an indefensible football team. “There’s something about the Dunkies in Boston that’s just different!” No, there isn’t. Someone in 1948 spilled sewer water into a coffee machine in Quincy and nobody had the heart to say they were serving garbage juice. This would be the perfect #brand partnership for Brady if he didn’t think coffee beans contained ligament fiber thetans or some shit.

Wawa: It’s a 7-11 that’s not self-aware enough to realize it’s just a place to get beef jerky on a road trip or a pre-cooked hot dog when you’re drunk. Wawa is to Philadelphians what music is to people when they’re teenagers—it was there in your formative years so you think it’s better than it actually is. “Oh, but they make sandwiches!” Holy shit, sandwiches? Can you get sandwiches anywhere else in the world? It’s a fancy rest stop named for how babies say water. Get lost.

Advantage: Push

RECENT HISTORY: Patriots vs. Eagles

Patriots: This is the Patriots’ eighth Super Bowl appearance since 2002. The Patriots have won no fewer than nine regular-season games since 2001 and have a record of 209-63 over that time. With Belichick and Brady at the helm, the Patriots have become the model franchise across all sports.

Eagles: Donovan McNabb puked on the field during a Super Bowl. From 2001 to 2003, the Eagles lost three straight NFC title games, the last two occurring at home. When they finally got to the Super Bowl in 2004, they lost to the Patriots. They would go on to lose one more NFC title game in 2008, which makes them a less successful version of those Buffalo Bills teams that lost four straight Super Bowls.

Advantage: Push

FOLLOWING RULES: Cheating vs. Not Cheating

Cheating: The Patriots have been caught cheating on two occasions, Spygate and Deflategate. It’s doubtful a team with a history of cheating only cheated twice, so we will likely never know the full breadth of the Patriots’ cheating but it’s probably wild. If you told me Belichick would get nude and oil himself up so he could slide in air ducts above the visiting team’s locker room with a recording device, I would believe you and hate you for making me picture that image.

Not cheating: The beauty of being a franchise without a Super Bowl is there’s no way anyone can accuse you of cheating. Or trying. Or being good. Man, maybe cheat a little, huh? That town needs it.

Advantage: Push

FANS: Insufferable Pricks vs. Volatile Assholes

Insufferable pricks: The one thing I truly appreciate about the douchebag core of Patriots fans is their unapologetic nature. “Everyone fucking hates you!” “Good. I don’t give a shit. Go Pats.” You have to respect it. There’s never any, “Not all Patriots fans are like that!” nonsense. They know the team cheats and the players and coach are trash but all the winning is so orgasmic they go with it. Bill Simmons is a 50-year-old man who probably has a “hate us because they ain’t us” tattoo on his calf and it’s damn admirable.

Volatile idiots: Now with Eagles fans, you never know. You could wear a Giants jersey to an Eagles game and either engage in witty ribbing and banter with good-natured fans or have your throat slit while waiting to buy a beer. And unlike with Patriots fans, there are still Eagles fans who play the “every city has bad fans” card. Sure. Every city has people who intentionally puke on children, throw batteries at players, punch police horses, craft large signs that say “FUCK MILLIE” because 100-year-old people should eat shit too, throw snowballs at Santa Claus, boo the franchise’s best quarterback when he was drafted, cheer because Michael Irvin may be potentially paralyzed on the field, throw a beer bottle at the best first baseman in franchise history, or climb into a penalty box to fight Tie Domi. You’ll find all that in every sports town, absolutely.

Advantage: Push

TELEVISION SHOWS: Cheers vs. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Cheers: Really funny show about 1980s people in Boston who don’t care about anyone but themselves, hanging out in bar. It stars Rhea Perlman, who is married to Danny DeVito.

It’s Always Sunny: Really funny show about 2000s people in Philadelphia who don’t care about anyone but themselves, hanging out in bar. It stars Danny DeVito, who is married to Rhea Perlman.

Wait, should I be writing a TV show about a bar in … New York?

Advantage: Push

MOST FAMOUS FAN: Mark Wahlberg vs. Mark Wahlberg

Seriously, this moron from Boston—who claims to be a huge Patriots fan even though he left in the middle of the Super Bowl comeback last year and blamed his child for it—says he doesn’t care who wins this year! Why? Because not only is Come Awn Come Awn Feel It Feel It a huge Pats bro, he once portrayed some shitty player who only made the Eagles roster because the team was so damn shitty.

Can you imagine this idiot being asked about global warming? “I’m really rooting for humans to survive climate change but I was in a movie where trees and plants killed people, so I’ve got a special place in my heart for leaves. I’ll be happy no matter who wins.”

Advantage: Push

It turns out the lesson here is don’t root for anyone. Don’t even watch the game. There’s a decent chance John Wick 2 will be on one of your HBOs. Watch that and don’t look back at NBC until Monday morning.

A Guide for Who to Root For in This Trash-Ass Super Bowl published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/