#becomes so indifferent to the entanglements of their lives

[masteredinstinct]

she's a 10 but she'll feel nothing as she watches you get decapitated after a night of dancing and drinking with you

[naomeii]

Eclipsed Hearts.

—Pairings: Diluc x F!Reader x Kaeya

(a/n : i keep hurting kaeya cuz he reminds me too much of certain someone- oof. // definitely not reflecting my own messed up love life in the fics *cough* *cough*)

Content : Angst, toxic relationships, cheating, drinking, smut, f!reader, oral (f!receiving), modern au.

Synopsis : Kaeya and Diluc, find themselves entangled in a love triangle with Y/n. Diluc, harboring feelings for Y/n, steps aside when Kaeya confesses his love. However, as the years pass and college life introduces new challenges, Kaeya's immaturity leads to toxicity in their relationship with Y/n.

Diluc couldn't forget the day they moved into the neighborhood. The sun was setting, casting a warm orange glow over the streets as boxes were being carried into the new house. He was helping his parents, carrying items from the car when he caught sight of a figure peeking from behind a nearby fence. It was Y/n, a curious expression on her face as she observed him working.

As he made eye contact and waved, Y/n's cheeks flushed, and she quickly ducked out of sight. There was something about her shyness that tugged at Diluc's heartstrings. Little did he know, that moment would linger in his mind for years to come.

The next encounter was when Y/n's mother insisted she take over a box of homemade confectioneries as a welcoming gift. This time, it was Kaeya who opened the door. His mischievous blue eyes widened in surprise at the offering, and a playful grin spread across his face as he accepted it.

"Hey there! You must be our new neighbor. I'm Kaeya, nice to meet you!" he greeted cheerfully.

Y/n couldn't help but smile at his friendly demeanor, and that simple interaction sparked the beginning of their friendship. Days turned into weeks, and soon, the trio found themselves spending more time together, sharing laughs, secrets, and growing closer.

~

As the years passed, the trio's bond strengthened, but the dynamics were shifting beneath the surface. Kaeya's feelings for Y/n were becoming increasingly evident to Diluc, and though he had long buried his own emotions, it didn't make the situation any easier.

One day, as they sat on the rooftop of Y/n's house, Kaeya couldn't help but gaze at Y/n with a soft smile. "You know, Y/n, there's something about you that makes every moment brighter," he confessed, his usually playful demeanor giving way to a rare sincerity.

Diluc, who was sitting next to them, raised an eyebrow. "Kaeya, since when did you become so sentimental?" he teased, masking the sting in his heart.

Kaeya shot him a look, a mixture of annoyance and amusement. "I'm being serious for once, brother. Y/n, I... I really like you."

Y/n, surprised but not entirely unaware of Kaeya's growing feelings, blushed. "Kaeya, you're such a goofball, but I like you too."

Diluc's heart sank, but he managed to maintain a facade of indifference. He teased Kaeya mercilessly after that, making light of his brother's newfound romance. Yet, every joke felt like a stab, a reminder of what could have been.

Despite the pain he felt, Diluc couldn't bring himself to resent Kaeya or Y/n. Kaeya, in his own way, genuinely cared for Y/n, and Y/n was happy. Diluc buried his feelings deeper, a silent sacrifice for the sake of their friendship.

One evening, as they strolled through the neighborhood, Diluc couldn't shake the ache in his chest. "You two are disgustingly sweet, you know that?" he remarked, his tone playful.

Kaeya smirked, throwing an arm around Y/n's shoulders. "It's called being in love, dear brother. You should try it sometime."

Y/n laughed, and Diluc, despite the pain, smiled. "Maybe one day, Kaeya. Just maybe."

~

As they entered college, the once harmonious dynamic between Kaeya, Y/n, and Diluc began to show signs of strain. The demands of their studies, coupled with the distance from their childhood home, started to take a toll on their relationship.

Living in separate apartments, Kaeya and Diluc found themselves sharing a space again, but this time, it was different. Arguments became frequent, mostly stemming from Kaeya's carefree lifestyle clashing with Diluc's more serious nature. Y/n, caught in the middle, tried her best to mediate but often ended up feeling torn between her two closest friends.

Late-night conversations turned into heated disagreements, and more often than not, Y/n would storm out of Kaeya's apartment, tears streaming down her face. It had become a routine, and Diluc couldn't bear to see her hurt, but he was also grappling with his own conflicted emotions.

Watching Y/n leave yet again, Diluc sighed, knowing that Kaeya's immaturity was causing the rift. He had always harbored feelings for Y/n, but he had buried them to preserve their friendship. However, seeing her distressed because of Kaeya tore at his resolve.

He paced back and forth in their apartment, his thoughts in turmoil. Should he intervene? Confess his feelings? But the fear of ruining what little harmony remained between them held him back.

Finally, making a decision, Diluc grabbed his jacket and hurried after Y/n. He found her sitting on a bench a few blocks away, tears still staining her cheeks.

"Y/n," he called softly, sitting beside her.

She looked up, surprised to see him. "Diluc? What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't just let you leave like that," he admitted, his usual stoic facade softening. "Are you okay?"

Y/n nodded, but her eyes betrayed her emotions. "I don't know what to do, Diluc. Everything feels so complicated."

He hesitated, then gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know it's hard, but you don't have to face this alone. We'll figure it out together, alright?"

Diluc found solace in the reminiscing, a bittersweet comfort amidst the turmoil. Y/n's tear-stained face slowly transformed into a faint smile as they recollected the simpler times of their childhood. The only sound being the soft rustle of leaves and occasional cars passing by.

"It feels like a different lifetime, doesn't it?" Y/n mused, wiping away the remnants of her tears.

"It does," Diluc agreed softly. "Back when our biggest worry was the flavor of ice cream we'd get."

A gentle breeze swept through, causing a stray strand of Y/n's hair to dance across her face. Without thinking, Diluc reached out and tucked it behind her ear, a gesture born of care and familiarity.

Y/n's surprised gaze met his, and for a moment, the air filled with unspoken words. Diluc, realizing the intimacy of his action, quickly withdrew his hand, an apology forming on his lips.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—" he began, but Y/n interrupted with a gentle touch on his arm.

"It's okay, Diluc," she said softly, a faint blush dusting her cheeks. "Thank you."

Their gazes lingered, a multitude of emotions passing between them in that fleeting moment. Diluc's heart raced, unsure of how to navigate his unspoken feelings. He wanted to say more, to express the years of hidden affection, but the weight of their friendship held him back.

"I should probably get you back home," he finally spoke, a hint of regret tainting his words.

Y/n nodded, a mix of understanding and curiosity in her eyes. As they walked back in silence, the evening's revelations hung heavy in the air, leaving Diluc grappling with his emotions, uncertain of what the future held for their tangled relationships.

~

The apartment was draped in an uneasy silence as Diluc quietly entered, his eyes avoiding the piercing gaze of his brother. Kaeya sat on the couch, his attention seemingly fixated on the TV, but his mind clearly preoccupied with thoughts that mirrored Diluc's own.

"Where were you?" Kaeya's question cut through the stillness, the undertone revealing a mixture of concern and insecurity.

"Out for a walk," Diluc replied, his voice steady but devoid of its usual warmth. He knew Kaeya was aware that he went after Y/n, and the unspoken tension in the room thickened.

"Really? At this hour? At least find a good excuse when you're trying to lie," Kaeya retorted, his frustration evident.

Diluc's jaw clenched, irritation simmering beneath the surface. He resisted the urge to snap back, realizing that this wasn't just about the late-night stroll. The unresolved issues between them were casting a shadow over the apartment.

Ignoring Kaeya's continued probing, Diluc retreated to his room, closing the door behind him. The walls seemed to close in as he grappled with conflicting emotions. Kaeya's accusations stung, but the real source of pain lay in the unspoken truth that Diluc had been avoiding for too long.

Kaeya, too, sat in the dimly lit living room, a frown creasing his features. He knew Diluc's feelings for Y/n ran deep, hidden beneath layers of brotherly camaraderie. The discovery of Y/n's picture in Diluc's diary once had been a revelation he chose to keep to himself, a silent acknowledgment of a truth that could shatter the fragile balance they had maintained.

As the night wore on, the brothers remained ensnared in the unspoken tensions that swirled between them, each grappling with their own insecurities and unexpressed desires.

~

Later in the middle of the night the soft glow of Kaeya's phone illuminated the darkened room as he swiftly typed out a casual "hey" to someone. His actions were shrouded in secrecy, a clandestine exchange that echoed the shadows of deceit.

Minutes later, the door closed quietly behind Kaeya as he slipped out of the apartment, leaving behind an atmosphere thick with unspoken tension. He navigated the quiet streets, his steps laden with guilt and a tangled web of conflicting emotions.

As Kaeya walked, his mind replayed fragments of his relationship with Y/n—the arguments, the unresolved conflicts, the fragile trust that teetered on the edge of doubt. His affair with another woman was a secret he buried deep within, a clandestine escape from the complexities of his relationship with Y/n.

Despite the trust she placed in him, their relationship had become a battleground of misunderstandings and disagreements, leaving Kaeya seeking solace in moments that promised temporary respite from the turmoil.

Arriving at a nondescript location, Kaeya's heart clenched with a mixture of guilt and desperation. His actions were veiled in secrecy, a facade carefully constructed to shield his indiscretions from the piercing gaze of the one he professed to care for.

The night enveloped him in a shroud of secrecy as he stepped into the dimly lit establishment, seeking solace in the embrace of someone who offered fleeting comfort amidst the chaos of his tangled emotions.

~

In the following days, Y/n remained unaware of Kaeya's clandestine activities. Oblivious to his indiscretions, she poured her heart into mending the frayed threads of their relationship. Determined to reconcile the rifts that had formed between them, she approached Kaeya with a genuine desire to heal their bond.

Their conversations became more heartfelt, sprinkled with laughter and moments of genuine connection. Y/n's efforts seemed to bear fruit as Kaeya reciprocated, his demeanor softer, his words carrying a sincerity that momentarily masked the shadows lurking beneath the surface.

They took walks in the park, shared meals together, and engaged in heartfelt conversations that hinted at a semblance of normalcy returning to their relationship. Y/n's heart swelled with hope, believing that perhaps they were finally moving past the storm that had clouded their connection.

Kaeya, too, found solace in these moments, the guilt of his actions momentarily pushed aside by the warmth of Y/n's efforts to mend their relationship. He immersed himself in these fleeting moments of tranquility, longing for a semblance of peace amidst the chaos he had wrought.

However, beneath the facade of reconciliation, lies the unspoken truth that threatened to unravel everything. The shadows of Kaeya's infidelity lingered, a ticking time bomb poised to shatter the fragile peace they were trying so desperately to rebuild.

As the days passed, the tension simmered beneath the surface, casting a looming shadow over their efforts to mend what was broken.

~

The following week there was a party for one of their mutual friend and the three were invited along with others, the night was alive with music and laughter as Y/n, Kaeya, and Diluc found themselves at a lively party. The atmosphere seemed to resonate with joy, momentarily pushing aside the shadows that lingered within their intertwined relationships. The trio immersed themselves in the festivities, trying to relive the carefree moments of their past.

As the night progressed, Y/n couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. Kaeya's discomfort was evident, his usual charm overshadowed by an unspoken tension. Concern etched across her face, she leaned towards Kaeya and gently asked, "Is everything okay, Kaeya? Do you want to go home?"

Kaeya, attempting to mask his unease, dismissed her concern with a forced smile. "I'm fine. Just need a moment," he replied, excusing himself to the restroom.

But Y/n, intuition guiding her, noticed Kaeya heading in the opposite direction. Suspicion gnawed at her, and without a second thought, she discreetly followed him, weaving through the vibrant crowd until she overheard a conversation that shattered the illusion of their mended relationship.

"I told you! I'm done with you. Things are fine between Y/n and me now, so leave me alone, we're done" Kaeya's voice, laced with frustration and anger, sliced through the air. Y/n's heart sank as the weight of his words settled in, and she noticed a woman standing close to Kaeya, way to close for her likings, and she connected the dots.

Staggering back to the heart of the party, her emotions in turmoil, Y/n sought refuge in a cascade of shots, the bitter liquid offering a temporary escape. Diluc, sensing her distress, intercepted her path, a furrow forming on his brow. "Y/n?" he called out, concern etched across his face.

She looked up, her eyes clouded with a mix of pain and confusion. "Diluc," she muttered, her voice trembling. "I thought… I thought things were getting better."

Diluc, his gaze piercing through the facade of the lively party, guided Y/n to a quieter corner. "What happened? Tell me," he urged, his concern deepening as he sensed the unraveling of their carefully constructed reality.

Y/n just shrugged, intoxicated already, as her words were slurred, "Take me home please."

Diluc's worry intensified as he noticed Y/n's slurred words and the haze of intoxication clouding her usual clarity. Without hesitation, he nodded solemnly, supporting her as they made their way out of the party.

The night air was a sharp contrast to the chaotic energy of the gathering, the silence enveloping them as they ventured back towards their apartment. Y/n leaned on Diluc, her thoughts a tangled mess amidst the alcohol-induced haze.

They walked in a heavy silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Diluc's concern for Y/n deepened, his mind grappling with the weight of the situation. He wanted to ask, to understand, but the inebriated state Y/n was in made him choose silence, allowing her the space she needed in that moment.

Upon reaching their apartment, Diluc guided Y/n inside, settling her down with a glass of water. She sat on the couch, her eyes distant, the events of the night casting a shadow over her usual vivacious spirit.

"Are you okay?" Diluc finally ventured, his voice gentle, yet filled with worry.

Y/n's response was a weary nod, her gaze fixed on a distant point. "I just want to forget tonight," she mumbled, her words tinged with both sadness and frustration.

Diluc sighed softly, a mix of emotions swirling within him. He wanted to erase the pain etched on her face, to shield her from the hurt caused by the unraveling of their relationships. But in that moment, all he could offer was quiet companionship.

Sitting beside her, he draped a blanket over Y/n's shoulders, a silent gesture of comfort.

The apartment was draped in an unsettling silence, disrupted only by the occasional sound of Y/n's stifled sniffling. Diluc sat beside her, the air heavy with unspoken words. The glow of their phones intermittently broke the stillness as notifications from Kaeya flooded in.

Diluc picked up his phone, the screen ablaze with messages from his brother. The words flickered with concern, confusion, and a hint of desperation. Each message intensified the guilt that gnawed at Diluc. He hesitated for a moment, conflicted, before crafting a calculated response.

"Hey, have you seen Y/n?" Kaeya's message read. Diluc replied, his fingers moving deliberately across the screen, "I don't know. I haven't seen her, I left the party early." The next message came quickly, "Diluc? Where are you?" "I'm out for some fresh air. Don't worry about it," Diluc replied, a lie dripping from his words. "Are you and Y/n together?" Diluc's jaw clenched, the weight of deception settling in. "No, we're not. I don't know where she is either."

The messages kept coming, each one more desperate than the last. Diluc, feeling a mix of guilt and frustration, decided to take a drastic step. He turned off his phone, then reached over to Y/n's, silencing the incessant buzzing.

The room fell into a profound silence once again, the digital world shut out as Diluc contemplated the consequences of his actions. Y/n, still lost in her thoughts, remained oblivious to the web of lies being woven around her.

"You know, I loved you when I first saw you," Y/n murmured breaking the silence, her words slurred with the effects of the alcohol. Diluc's heart skipped a beat at Y/n's confession, her words lingering in the air like a delicate melody. He felt her soft touch cupping his face, her intoxicated gaze meeting his.

Diluc's breath caught in his throat. "W-what?" he stammered, unable to conceal the surprise and a flicker of hope that danced in his eyes.

Y/n giggled, her laughter echoing in the quiet room. She leaned into him, her words a cascade of raw emotions. "Yeah, but I thought you didn't feel the same, so I moved on."

The confession hung in the air, a revelation that seemed to stretch the boundaries of time. Diluc, grappling with the weight of her words, felt a rush of conflicting emotions. The revelation opened a door to a past that he had carefully locked away.

Still intoxicated, Y/n huffed, her expression thoughtful. "I wonder if things would've been different if…"

Diluc's curiosity peaked. "If what?" he pressed, the air thick with unspoken possibilities.

"If I didn't move on," Y/n mused, her gaze distant, lost in a world of 'what-ifs.'

Y/n's words flowed in a gentle, intoxicated cadence, her eyes glazed with memories of a distant past. "I thought your red hair was so pretty," she confessed softly, her voice carrying a wistful tone. "When you were carrying the boxes and caught me peeking, I froze on the spot."

Diluc's heart fluttered at her words, a rush of emotions surging within him. Her confession painted a vivid picture of their intertwined past, bringing to light emotions he had long buried.

Y/n, now lost in reminiscence, continued, "You looked so serious, but there was something in your eyes… I don't know, I just couldn't look away."

Her words wrapped around Diluc, unraveling the layers of his guarded heart. The memories of their shared past flooded his mind, a kaleidoscope of moments he had cherished and kept hidden.

"I remember that day," he admitted quietly, a hint of vulnerability seeping into his tone. "I was nervous, moving into a new neighborhood and caught someone watching me."

Y/n's gaze met his, a mixture of nostalgia and newfound understanding in her eyes. "I didn't think you'd remember," she said, a small smile playing on her lips.

Diluc's lips curved into a tender smile. "How could I forget?" he murmured, the weight of unspoken emotions lingering between them.

Y/n, her mood lightening, decided to break the emotional tension with a playful joke. "I mean, who would've thought, right?" she teased, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Me, falling for the guy carrying boxes like some romance novel cliche."

Diluc chuckled, the weight in the room lifting with her lighthearted remark. "Well, if life were a romance novel, we'd be in for quite the plot twist."

Y/n grinned, her laughter echoing in the room. "Plot twist? More like a rollercoaster with unexpected loops and turns."

As their banter continued, Diluc found himself caught in the current of shared memories and newfound openness. The air, still tinged with laughter, carried a sense of vulnerability that lingered between them.

He glanced at Y/n, her eyes sparkling with the remnants of intoxication, and a sudden surge of courage overcame him. "You know," he began, his tone sincere, "that day, when I caught you looking at me, something changed for me too."

Y/n's gaze shifted to him, curiosity replacing the playful glint in her eyes. "Changed? How so?"

Diluc took a deep breath, his words weighed with a vulnerability he seldom revealed. "I fell for you that same day, Y/n. But… I was scared. Scared of ruining our friendship, scared of what it might mean. So, I kept it to myself."

Y/n's expression softened, a mix of surprise and understanding in her eyes. "You… liked me back then?"

Diluc nodded, a rueful smile playing on his lips. "More than I'd like to admit. But I didn't want to complicate things."

Y/n, despite the intoxication, sensed the sincerity in Diluc's words. She reached over, gently placing a hand on his, a silent acknowledgment of the shared emotions that had long remained unspoken.

In the hushed aftermath of their confessions, Diluc's gaze inadvertently drifted to Y/n's lips. A subtle tension hung in the air, charged with unspoken desires that had lingered beneath the surface for far too long.

Y/n, sensing the shift in the atmosphere, felt her heartbeat quicken. The room seemed to contract, leaving only the shared vulnerability and the unspoken tension that wove a delicate web between them.

Diluc gulped, the weight of his unspoken feelings pulsating in the charged air. His eyes lingered on Y/n's lips for a fleeting moment, a silent admission of the desires he had long suppressed.

The silence stretched, a breath caught in the precipice of anticipation. The confessions, the shared history, and the unspoken currents of attraction converged in that suspended moment.

Y/n, her own heart racing, met Diluc's gaze with a mixture of understanding and a hint of something more. The delicate dance between them, once obscured by fear and hesitation, now unfolded in the quiet space they had created.

It was a moment suspended in time, a culmination of unspoken desires and shared emotions. Diluc, emboldened by the absence of discomfort in Y/n's response, closed the distance between them.

Their lips met in a gentle collision, a tender exploration that ignited a familiar spark, reigniting the embers of feelings long suppressed. The kiss became an intricate dance, their tongues engaged in a silent conversation, each movement a testament to the depth of their unspoken desires.

Y/n, feeling the rush of emotions, snaked her hand around Diluc's neck, pulling him closer, a silent plea for more. Diluc, overcome by the whirlwind of old feelings resurfacing, responded with a delicate urgency.

As the kiss deepened, a rush of familiarity intertwined with the rush of something new. Diluc gently guided Y/n back, the cushions of the couch providing a soft landing. Their embrace grew more passionate, the past and present colliding in a whirlwind of emotions and unspoken truths.

Y/n's hands moved with a deliberate slowness, undoing the buttons of Diluc's shirt one by one.

Diluc's hands roamed, a gentle exploration of Y/n's body. Fingers traced the contours of her skin, mapping the familiar terrain as if committing every curve to memory. The silence between them spoke volumes, a language of shared desire and unspoken understanding.

As the last button gave way, Diluc's shirt hung open, revealing a vulnerability that mirrored the emotions swirling within them. Y/n's gaze met his, a silent confirmation to continue, Diluc opened her shirt andas the fabric slipped away, revealing the canvas of Y/n's vulnerability. Diluc's gaze lingered on her, a mixture of desire and appreciation.

Diluc's lips traced a delicate path along Y/n's skin, planting gentle kisses that reverberated with a whisper of adoration. Each tender touch conveyed a silent admiration, a tribute to the beauty laid bare before him.

"So beautiful," he murmured softly against her skin, the words a breathless affirmation of the emotions stirring within him. His voice carried a tender reverence, as if acknowledging the intricacies of the moment they shared.

Y/n's breath hitched at his words, a rush of emotions coursing through her.

"Please love me, Diluc." Y/n's whispered plea hung in the air, a vulnerable admission that resonated with the depth of their shared intimacy. Diluc, his heart responding to the raw emotion in her voice, looked into her eyes, his own filled with a mixture of understanding and tenderness.

He cradled her face in his hands, his touch gentle yet possessive. "I already do," he confessed, his voice a soft murmur that mirrored the vulnerability of the moment.

Y/n's hands grazed through his hair, fingers threading the strands with a quiet desperation.

Diluc leaned down and wrapped his lips around Y/n's nipple, and his right hand continued to tease her other nipple between his pointer and middle finger. She whimpered feeling the cold touch on her sensitive area. Diluc then gently grazed his teeth against her nipple.

"Stop teasing..", She whimpered

Diluc, pulled away, making a pop sound, his gaze fixed on her, couldn't help but chuckle softly at her plea. "Teasing you?" He feigned innocence, a glint of amusement in his eyes. "I wouldn't dream of it."

Y/n peeked out from behind the cushion, her eyes dancing with a mix of amusement and a hint of anticipation. "Sure.." she countered, a smile playing on her lips.

Diluc moved closer, a soft grin tugging at his lips. "Okay, okay," he relented, his tone light but filled with affection. "No more teasing."

His lips traced a trail of soft kisses from Y/n's stomach down to her thighs. Each gentle caress sent shivers through her, a silent acknowledgment of the heightened intimacy they were exploring.

Y/n's breath caught, her fingers instinctively threading through Diluc's hair. The air was charged with a blend of desire and anticipation, a symphony of sensations that echoed the unspoken connection between them.

Diluc, his movements deliberate and tender, mapped the contours of Y/n's skin with a reverence that transcended words.

As he reached her sweet cunt, which was already dripping, he couldn't help but muse, "Already so wet for me?"

"S-shut up," She tried closing her thighs, but Diluc firmly held them apart, "Not so soon, love"

As he lifts her thighs, gently placing it on his shoulders, he then sucked and licked her cunt with a gentle insistence, as if savoring the taste of a cherished elixir. Y/n's breath caught at the intensity of the sensation, a shiver running down her spine. The air thickened with a heady mixture of desire and the unspoken connection that enveloped them.

Diluc, lost in the moment, continued his ministrations, Y/n felt a familiar knot forming in her stomach, as fingers tangled in Diluc's hair, gripping it with a newfound intensity.

"Diluc I- I'm close..", Y/n gasps, a mess of muffled moans flow, as he flicks his tongue over her clit harder, faster, alternating between circles, sides, ups and downs.

Moaning against her clit, Diluc licks all around her entrance and swollen nub, only slowing pace when he feels her hands tug harsh at his strands, an enticing moan filling the room.

He allows Y/n to ride out her high, as his hand grazes the inside of her thighs as she collected herself. He looks up as he glances at the throbbing cunt once again, and wipes his face. "Such a good girl for me", He teases.

Diluc's teasing words hung in the air, a playful provocation that added a layer of intimacy to the charged atmosphere. Y/n, her grip still firm in his hair, met his gaze with a mixture of amusement and desire.

"Oh, am I now?" she countered, a playful glint in her eyes as she leaned in closer.

Diluc chuckled, his voice a low murmur. "Very good," he affirmed, his words carrying a subtle intensity that mirrored the growing connection between them.

"But Diluc, I wanna make you feel good too," she expressed, her voice a delicate whisper that echoed in the room.

Diluc, meeting her gaze with a softness in his eyes, gently cupped her face. "No, Y/n, it isn't about me tonight," he responded, his tone carrying a quiet assurance. "Tonight is about you."

Their exchange became a poignant moment of shared vulnerability and selflessness. In the quiet space they had created, the unspoken understanding hung heavy, a mutual acknowledgment of the depth of their connection.

The room, now a haven of shared intimacy, held an atmosphere of tenderness and trust. Diluc's choice to prioritize Y/n's pleasure became a silent declaration of the genuine connection they shared, transcending the physical into something more profound.

~

The soft morning light bathed the room, casting a gentle glow on Y/n, still peacefully asleep after the night of shared intimacy. Diluc, having ensured she was comfortably cleaned up, stood by the bedside, a mixture of tenderness and determination in his eyes.

He bent down, pressing a gentle kiss on Y/n's forehead, a silent promise lingering in the touch. "I'll come by later," he whispered softly, as if affirming the unspoken connection that had unfolded between them.

Diluc took a moment to gaze at Y/n, the vulnerability of sleep casting her in a delicate light. With a final, lingering look, he straightened up, a sense of purpose guiding his movements.

The room, once a sanctuary of shared moments, now held the echoes of their connection. Diluc quietly gathered his belongings, leaving behind the quiet assurance of his presence.

~

As Diluc reached his apartment, his disheveled appearance betraying the events of the night, found Kaeya sitting on the doorstep of their home. The worry etched on Kaeya's face was unmistakable as his eyes scanned Diluc's disarrayed hair and the faint traces of lingering intimacy.

"Where did you go last night, Diluc?" Kaeya asked, his voice laced with concern, yet tinged with a hint of confusion. The realization seemed to dawn on him as he took in his brother's appearance, noting the subtle signs that suggested Diluc had spent the night with someone.

Diluc, weighing his words carefully, met Kaeya's gaze. "I had some things to take care of," he replied, a vague answer that did little to ease Kaeya's worry.

Kaeya, still trying to piece together the puzzle, furrowed his brow. "Things? Diluc, you look like you've been through more than just 'things,'" he remarked, the worry deepening in his eyes.

Diluc, maintaining a stoic demeanor, offered no further explanation.

Kaeya's worry deepened as he pressed Diluc for answers. "Why didn't you answer my calls? Nor my texts?" he questioned, a mix of concern and confusion in his voice. "I understand if you were with someone, but still..."

Diluc, feeling the weight of Kaeya's scrutiny, bit his tongue, torn between his loyalty to his brother and the unspoken events of the night with Y/n. The worry in Kaeya's eyes mirrored the unease in Diluc's heart.

"Y/n isn't answering my calls and texts either," Kaeya continued, his concern now extending to their shared friend. "She left without saying anything. I'm worried for her."

Diluc, caught in a web of conflicting emotions, hesitated before responding. "I haven't heard from her either," he admitted, careful not to reveal too much.

~

Kaeya, fueled with worry then declared that he would go meet Y/n himself. Before Diluc could interject, Kaeya swiftly left, leaving a lingering tension in the air.

As Kaeya reached Y/n's home, he rang the bell, anxiety coursing through him.

As Y/n faced Kaeya at the door, her expression masked the turmoil within. Kaeya, oblivious to the fact that she had overheard his infidelity, attempted to explain his worry. "Y/n, what happened? Why did you leave without a word? Are you okay?"

Y/n, wrestling with the betrayal she had witnessed, forced a tight-lipped smile. "I'm fine, Kaeya. I just needed some time alone," she replied, her voice betraying none of the hurt she felt.

Kaeya, sensing the distance in her demeanor, persisted. "But why didn't you answer my calls or texts? I was worried about you."

Her facade cracked momentarily, a flicker of hurt in her eyes. "I... I needed some space, Kaeya. I'll be fine," she assured him, her words carefully chosen to hide the anguish she harbored.

A realization dawned on Kaeya as he looked at Y/n's face, noting the subtle signs that mirrored his brother's appearance. The swollen lips, the distant gaze – it all clicked into place. The pieces of the puzzle fell together, revealing a connection that he hadn't considered before.

He remembered the silent phones, the early departure from the party, and now, the shared physical traces between Y/n and his brother. The weight of the revelation settled in, and Kaeya's expression shifted from concern to a mixture of shock and realization.

"Oh," he mumbled, the truth hitting him like a sudden revelation. The unspoken understanding unfolded before him, the shared secret that had eluded his awareness.

Y/n, sensing Kaeya's realization, met his gaze with a guarded expression. The air between them held a heavy silence, pregnant with the unspoken acknowledgment of the events that transpired the night before.

Kaeya's voice trembled with a mixture of shock, hurt, and disbelief. "You... cheated on me with my own brother?" His words hung in the air, barely above a whisper, heavy with the weight of the truth he had just uncovered.

Y/n, faced with the accusation veiled in disbelief, struggled to find words to explain. The gravity of the situation weighed heavily on her, her heart pounding with the realization that the secret had been unveiled.

"I..." she began, her voice faltering as she grappled with the turmoil of the situation.

Kaeya's expression betrayed a mixture of pain and betrayal, his emotions raw and unguarded. The silence between them seemed to stretch, a tense pause filled with unspoken questions and shattered trust.

~

As Diluc arrived at the scene, a sense of impending turmoil weighed heavily in the air. Kaeya stood, his facade barely holding, emotions swirling beneath the surface. Y/n, aware of the gravity of the situation, stood there awkwardly, lost for words.

The tension was palpable, and Diluc could sense the brewing storm. He stepped forward, his expression a mixture of concern and apprehension, taking in the scene before him.

"Kaeya…" Diluc began, his voice laced with urgency, attempting to diffuse the mounting tension. "Let's talk, please." His gaze shifted between his brother and Y/n, a silent plea for a moment of understanding and resolution.

Kaeya's emotions were a tempest on the verge of breaking, his voice wavering as he struggled to process the revelation. "Did this really happen?" he managed to utter, his gaze shifting between Y/n and Diluc, seeking an explanation.

Y/n, caught in the swirling emotions of the moment, was suddenly reminded of Kaeya's previous infidelity. The realization struck her like a bolt of lightning, and she clenched her fists, a surge of anger and hurt welling up within her.

The atmosphere, already heavy with tension, became charged with the complexities of their shared history. Y/n's gaze shifted between Diluc and Kaeya, a storm of conflicting emotions playing out on her face.

"You cheated on me first," she blurted out, her voice laced with a mixture of accusation and pain.

Y/n's words cut through the charged atmosphere, a final declaration that severed the last remnants of trust between them. "Our relationship ended the moment you warmed another woman's bed, Kaeya. You do not have the right to say anything anymore." Her voice, a mixture of pain and resolve, echoed in the air.

Kaeya, faced with the consequences of his actions and the revelation that Y/n had overheard his conversation with the other woman, felt the weight of his mistakes crashing down on him. The gravity of the situation became palpable, and he stood there, a shattered expression revealing the depth of his remorse.

As Y/n closed the door behind her, the weight of the situation settled heavily within her. Her emotions were a tumultuous storm, unsure of where to settle amidst the chaos. Meanwhile, Diluc and Kaeya walked back home, the silence between them deafening.

Once they reached home, Kaeya broke the heavy silence, his voice tinged with remorse. "Treat her better than I did," he uttered, a mix of regret and resignation in his words. Diluc glanced at his brother, his gaze reflecting sympathy for the predicament they found themselves in.

"Diluc, our relationship is past repair.. there's nothing her and I could do. I messed up," Kaeya continued, the weight of his actions heavy on his shoulders.

Diluc, his voice a mixture of understanding and concern, responded softly, "We both did, Kaeya. It's not just you." He acknowledged the shared responsibility they held in the events that transpired.

~

In the months that followed, Diluc and Kaeya worked on rebuilding their brotherly relationship, each making an effort to bridge the gaps that had formed between them. Kaeya, wistful and remorseful, encouraged Diluc to pursue his feelings for Y/n, urging him not to repeat the mistakes they had made in the past.

As time passed, Kaeya and Y/n eventually found closure in their relationship, having come to terms with their shared history. Meanwhile, Diluc and Y/n's bond gradually deepened, blossoming into a love that had been simmering beneath the surface for years.

~~

Fast forward five years, at the wedding, Kaeya stood as one of the best men, witnessing Y/n's radiant presence. Her gaze, unwavering and filled with warmth, remained fixated on Diluc as she walked down the aisle, holding a bouquet of flowers.

As Y/n smiled shyly at Diluc, a pang of regret tugged at Kaeya's heart. He wished things had been different, that he had been stronger and resisted the temporary temptations that led him away from his chance at lasting happiness.

"Forever looks good on her," Kaeya whispered to himself, his gaze lingering on the couple exchanging vows. The ache of missed opportunities echoed within him, a silent plea for a different path taken.

~

In the evening, amidst the celebration, Diluc and Y/n, now happily married, gracefully interacted with their guests. Their joy was palpable, radiating as they engaged in lively conversations and shared heartfelt moments.

Kaeya, despite masking his own hurt, teased the newlyweds with playful banter, a facade to cover the ache in his heart. He adorned his words with humor and jest, ensuring the atmosphere remained light and cheerful for the couple.

"Ah, look at the lovebirds," Kaeya chimed in, flashing a playful grin. "Don't you two ever get tired of looking so incredibly in love?"

Diluc and Y/n exchanged a knowing glance, their smiles warm and genuine. "Never," Y/n replied, her eyes sparkling with happiness as she glanced at Diluc.

Kaeya continued to tease, diverting attention away from his own emotions, determined not to cast a shadow over the joyous occasion.

As the evening unfolded, amidst laughter and merriment, Kaeya ensured that the spotlight remained on the happiness of the newlyweds, even if it meant concealing his own heartache.

[lains-reality]

befriending fear.

from the deleted website 'thewishfulfilled'.

Fear is an invitation to remember who you truly are.

Acknowledging fear doesn’t make you any less worthy of or further away from what you truly desire. In fact, because you possess such fear, you are entitled to receive them. True fearlessness is not the reduction of fear, but befriending fear.

Similarly, acknowledging your shadows does not dim the Light that you are. In previous discourse, I’ve shared that you are the Light in which everything appears, shining with the same brightness, behind and in the midst of all experience – good, bad or indifferent. The shadows you battle against are simply the seeming absence of you. Becoming entangled in the world of shadows is simply the forgetting of your Self; and Light casts shadows that come and go only to remember itself.

The truth is that Light knows no opposition or enemy. Shadows have no separate existence from Light. Your fears are made of you. So when you neglect and numb fear, you neglect your true nature too.

So when are you equating the remembrance of you true nature to neglecting the shadows that you cast?

When are you equating true freedom to fear of your human experience?

When are you equating love to apathy? Creation to control?

When are you placing conditions on the unconditional?

Being in state of the wish fulfilled is not numbing one polarity of and pretending to be beyond your human experience. Learning about who you truly are is not about pretending to be transcendent or fearless, or beyond the shadows.

You don’t need to become disengaged with life in order to manifest your desires. ‘Buying the pearl’ is not about detaching from your human experience, devoid of passion, feeling and emotion, but rather answering your calling to full observation and participation of it, no matter what is happening.

Embodying your true Self concerns more than just manifesting your desires. Conscious creation is a part of conscious living - a way of being no matter what circumstances may arise. A way of seeing through the illusory division in yourself and everything around you. Remembering your interconnected nature with your world and the sacred relationships that sustain life is what allows vulnerable involvement in your fleeting experience. Unconditionally allowing the presence of fear promises true fearlessness.

So befriend fear. Become vulnerable and intimate with this aspect of yourself once again, for it has no authority over you and can never truly overwhelm you. Get up close and personal with fear and rediscover your true nature – that which is fearless.

When you feel fear, drop the label ‘fear’, even for just a moment.

Unconditionally feel the sensations, the energy in your body. Observe and describe the sensations. Does it tickle? Is it warm?

Where is the feeling physically located? In your stomach? In your throat? In your chest?

As you observe these sensations in your body, be kind to them, become intimate with them. Ask yourself: What is it like to feel this way?

Continue to observe and allow all of your stories, thoughts and emotions, resistance and judgements. Watch them appear and disappear, appear and disappear.

Embody Light, and become once again non-resistant to all of the shadows you cast.

When you stop numbing any feeling, negative or positive, you remember that your true Self is a friend to everything.

When you create space in your heart for fear to freely arise and fall in you, you will rediscover that you have no enemies.

this is much more than a manifestation post, read it not for desires but for Self.

[fayevalcntine]

Don't really feel like the whole "Madeleine fucked a Nazi but she was hungry and lonely during the war :(" stuck its landing in the slightest on the show if the writers were trying to point out that she's indifferent to moral dilemmas that plague human existence and would do anything just to survive. For one thing, French women who were deemed collaborators did not all just have consensual sex with German officers, so I fail to see why the writers thought they needed her to have had an encounter like this in order to be ostracized from her community. She also had to survive WW2, so I fail to see why they couldn't have had her agree to tailor for Nazis in exchange for food, or even kill someone out of desperation in order to survive somehow during the war. People did a lot of things they would later regret or in normal circumstances never do in order to survive, so I really don't understand why the writers had Madeleine refer to this 19 year-old Nazi as "a dangerous love" she clung to to survive.

My other main issue with it is namely the fact that Madeleine is, for all intents and purposes, someone Claudia chooses as a companion and hopes that she will one day become romantic with. Claudia in season 1 referred to Lestat as a slaver and likened him to a Nazi when he made his little tailoring joke in episode 7: "Well-dressed tyrants. Where have I heard that before?". The show is so often very overt in its racial commentary and what the Black characters say. So I find it a bit weird that Claudia, who spent the later half of season 1 pointing out Lestat's racist positioning in their household, would now simply disregard the fact that the woman she intends to live with (and hopes to become romantically entangled with) fucked a man whose position in the war was aiming for upholding a literal genocide and white supremacist ideals, and doesn't even seem to care much about the implications of that. It would've been one thing if the show highlights Madeleine's strange interest in Claudia as a negative thing, and had Claudia instead feel resigned to choosing her when there's no one else that would take her as any sort of companion, should they be turned, but it never does that. Instead, Claudia is elated over the thought of being with her and notes on wanting to choose her for herself.

I feel like even the idea of the writing pointing out Claudia's hypocrisy on such topics through this is in overly poor taste because regardless of whether or not her Lestat comparisons are supposed to be taken as gospel for who he is in general, those were still a reflection of her feelings towards her father who abused her and wanted to keep her locked in with him and Louis. It's also very weird that Madeleine's own words even indirectly parallel her encounter with the Nazi soldier to her encounter with Claudia, by naming both "a love" that she will use to survive. Overall the implications regarding the racial commentary on this is a complete misfire to me and a glaring problem for a show that the writers and in return fandom marketed as very socially aware.

[svn-bangtan]

In The End - MYG (Teaser)

»Summary: Han Y/n, hailing from a prominent family in Seoul, returns to South Korea after years abroad. Amid her family's internal power struggle for their hotel empire, Y/ns disinterest in the chairman position disrupts the status quo. A mysterious phone call prompts her return, marking a turning point. As she confronts her arranged marriage to Min Yoongi, a once-fancied childhood crush, the stark reality sets in. The contrast between her youthful fantasies and the complex man he has become introduces unforeseen chaos.

»pairing: Husband! Yoongi x Wife! reader

»genre: Arranged Marriage AU, Angst,

»wc/date: 1k | August 2023

» warnings: Angst, Yoongi is cold, reader is cold but eventually opens up and is very independent, eventual smut. All other warnings that may come will be noted on each part.

»  m.list | Taglist | Thoughts? Comments? Concerns

»  Part 1

The sun hung low in the sky, casting long shadows across the opulent room where Han Y/n and Min Yoongi found themselves entangled in a fierce argument. The atmosphere was charged with tension, as their words collided like storm fronts.

"You just don't get it, do you?" Y/n's voice trembled with frustration, her eyes sparking with emotion. "You act as if my feelings don't matter at all. Like I'm just a pawn in this marriage game, waiting to fulfill my duty."

Yoongi's brows furrowed, his gaze locking onto Y/n's. "And what about me, Y/n? Do you think I had any choice in this? You're not the only one whose life has been disrupted."

Her lips trembled as she fought to hold back tears. "You think I don't know that? Do you think I'm naïve? I've been living this reality my entire life. But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel hurt or angry when you treat me like a stranger."

Yoongi's patience wore thin, frustration mounting in his voice. "So, what, you expect me to sweep you off your feet and play the part of the dashing prince? Is that what you want? This isn't some romantic drama, Y/n. This is real life, with real responsibilities."

"No, but you're not making it any easier!" Y/n's voice quivered with raw emotion. "I've been trying so hard to make this work, to understand you, to be a good wife even when you're distant and cold. And what do I get in return? Indifference and disregard."

A bitter laugh escaped Yoongi's lips, his patience waning. "You act like you're the only one who's suffering here. Do you think I wanted this? To be tied to someone I barely know? You're not the only one who's sacrificed, Y/n."

Her eyes flashed with anger, the pain beneath her frustration bleeding through. "You talk about sacrifice, Yoongi, but have you ever considered what it's like for me? To be shoved into a life I never asked for, with a man who barely acknowledges my existence?"

Yoongi's restraint snapped, his voice rising as anger flared within him. "You knew the terms when you agreed to this marriage, Y/n. You knew that our families were binding us together for their own gain. Don't act like you're the victim here."

The words hung in the air, heavy with accusation and regret. Y/n's tears finally spilled over, her voice cracking as she retorted, "And what about you? Have you ever once tried to see things from my perspective? To understand the weight of expectations that I'm carrying?"

Yoongi's jaw clenched, his tone harsher than before. "You talk about expectations? My entire life has been built around expectations – from my family, and from the industry. And now, I have the added weight of being a husband forced upon me. Don't think for a second that you're the only one dealing with pressure."

Y/n's voice wavered, the pain in her eyes cutting through her anger. "Is it so wrong to want something more? To want a connection, a partnership based on more than just duty? We're both trapped in this, Yoongi, but it doesn't mean we can't find a way to make it bearable."

"Life isn't always about finding happiness, Y/n," Yoongi's voice softened slightly, tinged with bitterness. "Sometimes it's about fulfilling responsibilities, no matter how painful."

Tears glistened in Y/n's eyes, her voice trembling as she whispered, "But what's the point of it all if we're just two strangers sharing a house? Is this the life we're doomed to live?"

Before Yoongi could respond, before he could unleash another wave of his own frustration, Y/n's eyes blazed with an intensity he hadn't seen before. And then, as if the floodgates had burst open, she shouted, "But do you even know what love is, Yoongi? Have you ever loved someone?"

"Love, Y/n? Is this what this is about? Something as pointless as love? If I had known you'd act like the spoiled rich brat I always remembered you to be, I wish I never signed those papers, never agreed to marry you in the first place. Grow up, you aren't in America anymore, and you aren't in some fucking fantasy world, we are in reality."  A bitter edge crept into his voice.

Y/n's eyes widened, her heart twisting with hurt and anger. His words struck a deep chord, cutting through her defenses. The silence that followed was heavy with the weight of their unspoken emotions.

A tense pause hung in the air, a silence broken only by the sound of their strained breaths. And then, as if a dam had broken within her, Y/n's voice trembled with an unexpected vulnerability. "I've fallen in love with you, Despite the walls you've put up, despite all the pain you've caused me, I've fallen in love with you all over again."

Time seemed to freeze in that instant. Yoongi's eyes widened, his breath caught in his throat. The intensity of her confession hung heavily in the air, a declaration that shattered the fragile equilibrium of their argument.

As the rain began to pour outside, the room was steeped in a heavy silence. The weight of her words settled around them, each drop of rain echoing their unspoken emotions. And then, without another word, Y/n turned abruptly, her footsteps echoing through the grand corridor as she rushed towards the door.

"Wait!" Yoongi's voice finally broke through, laced with a rawness he rarely displayed. Raindrops splattered against the windows as he took a step forward, his eyes searching for hers, desperate to find a connection that had been missing for far too long. "Y/n!"

But Y/n's steps didn't falter. The weight of her confession still hung heavy in the air, and the intensity of her own feelings overwhelmed her. She needed to escape, to find solace in solitude, to come to grips with the reality that she had bared her heart to a man who might never reciprocate.

As the door slammed shut, the room fell silent once more, the aftermath of their argument settling like dust. Yoongi's hands clenched into fists, his mind racing. He was left alone with his thoughts, with Y/n's confession echoing in his ears, the sound of her retreating footsteps fading into the distance along with the sound of raindrops tapping against the windowpane.

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[emyluwinter]

Small spoilers!!And your favorite angst

Shoo Shoo!!! I warned you!!!

SHOO!

So… you mean….

Rollo hates magicians because something happened to his brother and he suffered because of magic?

(For those who are not aware of the book Frollo had a younger brother who led a very ….. ''easy'' lifestyle?I'm sorry if it was rude, I can't find a better way to express it)

Hmm! This is very interesting!

And of course your favorite angst.

what if…If Rollo's brother was hurt by another magician?

The scene on the bell tower. Where Yuu, Grimm and Mozus are trying to figure out the mechanism that triggers the Blessed Bell, and they needed to figure out how to remove the limiter from three strokes.

Mozus distracts the flowers on itself so that the flowers do not damage the mechanism and do not confuse the necessary parts to complete their plan.

But Rollo intervenes, realizing that his plan could go to hell because of them.

And in a fight between two magicians, one of Rollo's spells used in full force hits Yuu, who at that moment were trying to pull a tight lever to start the Bell Tower mechanism.

Yuu noticed a strong spell flying at them only at the last moment, Train did not have time to react due to the fact that flowers began to entangle him and devour his magic. It was too late. A thud from Yuu's striking body filled the room, for a minute all sounds seemed to be silenced due to shock.

-WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! - Grimm broke into a terrified scream and threw his fiery blue flame at Rollo, buying himself some time.And ran up to the motionless body of the Prefect, trying to see how much they had suffered because of the spell.

-Yuu?Yuu?!Hey! Answer me!!Don't scare me like that!!

Cursing softly and finally somehow getting out of the flowers, Professor Trein immediately finds himself next to Yuu and the Grimm fussing next to him.

At that moment, Rollo suddenly realized that he was even worse than the man who hit brother with magic. Much worse, because he did exactly the same thing. A stab in the back when they couldn't even defend themselves. Nothing would work against a magic strike except magic. Magic that they didn't have originally…. ***

AND NOW IMAGINE WHAT DESPAIR AND HORROR SEIZED ROLLO FLAMME WHO INTENDED TO BECOME A TRUTHFUL JUDGE WHO CLEARED TWST AND IN THE END HE TURNED OUT TO BE AN EXECUTIONER! ***

Trein had to use all his knowledge of first aid to at least mitigate the effects of applying such a powerful spell. Magicians have magical immunity, which additionally protects them from the effects of overblots. Non-magicians have much weaker immunity. But it still exists.

But Yuu doesn't have it. Which only aggravates the situation and the consequences.

Rollo Flamme was tied up and literally chained to the nearest pillar in the Bell Tower so that he would not do something even worse. He could only indifferently watch the Professor's efforts to preserve such a fragile life in their hands..

The poor Prefect wheezed at every attempt to even out their breathing and moaned softly in pain, it was too much for their unprepared body.

-Hold on, child, I'll make some ice so it doesn't hurt so much. It will pinch a little.Look at the Grimm and breathe.

Grimm stayed close to Yuu and did not leave for a second, although he wanted to scratch Rollo's entire face to the very bones and set him on fire.

-Yuu…. - carefully nuzzling the Prefect's cheek, Grimm pursed his paws listening to their breathing.

-Professor, they'll be fine….right?

-They were severely stunned…but it's not a threat to their lives.

Azul suddenly crashes into the back of Malleus who is frozen like a statue.

-Ouch…please… don't stop so abruptly, you could….warn…

Idia, who is barely crawling after them, notices how pale and frozen they are.

-h-hey….what… have…..you….with faces….?

He notices the Professor and Grimm, next to Yuu's wheezing body.

-Oh. No…

[quoteablebooks]

Genre: Fiction, Adult, Romance, Contemporary,

Rating: 5 out of 5

Content Warning: Sexual content, Cursing, Alcohol, Misogyny, Sexism, Panic attacks/disorders, Infidelity, Gaslighting, Fatphobia

Summary: A high-powered attorney from a success-oriented family, Louisa "Lulu" Malone lives to work, and everything seems to be going right, until the day she realizes it’s all wrong. Lulu’s cousin Mitch introduced her to the world of Renaissance Faires, and when she spies one at a time just when she needs an escape, she leaps into the welcoming environment of turkey legs, taverns, and tarot readers. The only drawback? Dex MacLean: a guitarist with a killer smile, the Casanova of the Faire… and her traveling companion for the summer.

Dex has never had to work for much in his life, and why should he? Touring with his brothers as The Dueling Kilts is going great, and he always finds a woman at every Faire. But when Lulu proves indifferent to his many plaid charms and a shake-up threatens the fate of the band, Dex must confront something he never has before: his future.

Forced to spend days and nights together on the road, Lulu’s interest in the kilted bad boy grows as he shows her a side of himself no one else has seen. The stresses of her old lifestyle fade away as she learns to trust her intuition and follow her heart instead of her head. But when her time on the road is over, will Lulu go with her gut, or are she and Dex destined for separate paths?

The Renaissance Faire is on the move, and Lulu and Dex are along for the ride, in the next utterly charming rom-com from Jen DeLuca.

*Opinions*

I was in a romance mood so after I finished Well Matched (which I found disappointing) I decided to round out the series and move right onto Well Traveled. DeLuca makes the Renaissance Faires come to life and there is something cozy about the atmosphere, especially because it is the blazing hot summer right now. To my surprise, this was my favorite of the series and I loved following Lulu and Dex’s story, perhaps because I saw a lot of myself in Lulu. 

Well Traveled follows Lousia “Lulu” Malone who is overworked and underappreciated. After a spontaneous decision to visit the Renaissance Faire in Virginia where she is getting a disposition and one too many phone calls from her boss on a weekend, Lousia throws her phone into the Laundry Wenches tubs and quits. Now unemployed and with no desire to explain herself to her overachieving family, the plan is hatched by her cousin Mitch that Lousia will disappear into the Ren Faire scene for a couple of months. Luckily, the Dueling Kilts, who are friends with Mitch, agree to take her on for two months on the condition that she unplugs and remembers how to enjoy herself. Unfortunately, this means that she will be stuck with the Ren Faire circuit Casanova, Dex MacLean, the lead singer of the Kilts. Soon, Lousia is sucked into the magic of the Faire, becomes a receptionist for a trio of fortune tellers, and realizes that maybe she wanted to be more Lulu than Lousia in her everyday life. Dex is also full of surprises, showing her more than a man who will let any woman up his kilt. Yet, as Lulu’s time with the Dueling Kilts comes to a close and her entanglement becomes more complicated, she has to decide what kind of life she wants to return to and see if there is any place for Dex within it when she returns to the real world. 

I was taken aback by how much I related to Lousia in this novel and thoroughly enjoyed her journey throughout this novel. While I am not an overworked attorney who has her boss calling her all the time, I do work in a high-stress field and have had many a day when running away to the Ren Faire sounds heavenly. Following Lousia as she learns how to disconnect and become more herself again was both relaxing and slightly inspiring. I appreciate that DeLuca never had her lose her sense of purpose and everything that she had worked toward before that fateful day of the faire, but instead found a way to make it work for her. She also communicates her feelings well, both with Dex and the other people in the story, which is so refreshing. The solution to the issue of Dex being on the road and Lulu putting down roots was handled believably as well and the foreshadowing dropped throughout the novel. 

The romance is so sweet, Dex and Lousia start with banter but then develop respect and friendship with one another. There was no miscommunication troupe and the one time that there was a slight miscommunication, it was resolved in like three pages. Even the third-act breakup was due to external forces, which I much prefer to someone overhearing half a conversation and running away upset. While I would have liked to get more from Dex, the gentle shift in his actions from Casanova to enjoying just being with Lousia was so sweet to watch. I especially liked that Lousia saw more to Dex than his reputation after a while. I just loved everything about them together and I would have read 100 more pages about them. 

I am sad that we are leaving Willow Creek and the individuals that Jen DeLuca introduced to us over the four novels. There was something terribly cozy about being in that patch of woods, even though I have never been to a Renaissance Faire before. While there are books that I like more than others, I believe the whole series is worth a read and I might have to go and buy it for myself so I can return to Willow Creek whenever I want to. I would love another book in this series, possibly with Caitlin as the main character, but if this is the last book in the series, what a way to end the series. 

This is a five-star romance for me, which I didn’t know if I would ever find, and I kind of just want to start from the beginning after I finished the book. Even if you don’t read any other of the series, I would highly recommend this one. 

[susu-0]

From Within: How to Find Inner Peace and Freedom Through Self-Growth

Later on, I started paying attention to the details of life, keeping neat in dress and orderly at home. I no longer complained aimlessly, nor did I indulge in whims. Every day in my life, I strive to move forward.

~ You'll find that time is not a cure-all; true remedy comes from inner maturity and letting go. Loving yourself is more crucial than anyone else’s concern. Seeking security, only you can provide the strongest foundation.

~ When facing problems, I choose to tackle them head-on. I've learned to encourage myself and explore the unknown. My words have become fewer, but my dialogues with myself are now full of value. I began to initiate relationships proactively, clearing out the noise in my life, making decisions independently, and committing fully to each choice.

~ Here’s a little stress-relief tip: Keep yourself so busy that you don’t have time for unnecessary thoughts, wear yourself out completely, then take a hot bath, listen to some relaxing music, and immerse yourself in self-relaxation. After a busy day, you will find that you have unconsciously avoided many unnecessary entanglements and can sleep peacefully.

~ A little secret: True freedom comes only when you stop caring about the opinions of others. Don’t let external judgments become shackles to your actions; self-acceptance is the key to your freedom.

As time passes, I've moved from the impulsivity of youth to a mature steadiness. Through losses and acceptance, I've grown, gradually learning how to truly understand and cherish each relationship and recognize my true needs. I’ve cut off unnecessary social ties and started to appreciate those who genuinely care about me.

~ Over the years, I have learned to let go. The simple beauty of life, the non-attachment to old things, and the indifferent approach to unpleasant social interactions. The love of family and friends, each meeting and engagement, happens by fate. I've learned not to depend on others' love; if it’s not given, I no longer dwell on it.

Freedom is crucial to me; if it means giving up everything, I also respect others' rights to make choices that may include giving up on me.

~ Each age comes with its unique challenges; I hope we can all endure the weight of life and live gracefully. I know you’ve been struggling recently, but please keep persevering, don’t rush, take it slow. Give yourself time, adjust your emotions, and in time, life will provide what you need. Even if you're lonely or misunderstood, don't let worries and anxiety destroy your passion and resolve.

In life's most radiant moments, we need not all be dazzling roses; we can also be wildflowers that grow freely, thriving year after year. Set your goals, give yourself time to mature, keep striving, and you will surely become a better version of yourself.

[pow3tage]

When Love dies:

Whispers Of Regret

Lomesha lay still in the dimly lit room, her breath shallow and her heart racing. The rhythm of her heartbeat seemed to synchronize with the ticking of the clock on the wall, creating an eerie, somber melody. The weight of the past, present, and uncertain future bore down on her chest, making it difficult to breathe. The walls of the room, once witnesses to love and laughter, now whispered tales of regret.

As she lay there, entangled in a web of her own thoughts, she could hear the rhythmic snoring of her partner, Rickey, in the distance. His back was turned to her, a physical representation of the emotional distance that had grown between them. She could barely make out his silhouette, huddled at the edge of the bed. The gulf between them had widened with each passing year, and they had become little more than strangers sharing a bed.

She rolled her eyes in the darkness, feeling the icy chills of their relationship. It was as though an invisible wall had been erected between them, one that she couldn't tear down, no matter how hard she tried. The laughter and the passion that once filled their lives had given way to a silence so loud it was deafening.

She couldn't deny that there were moments when the warmth returned, but they were fleeting, reserved for those brief interludes of intimacy. For Lomesha, those stolen moments were a cruel reminder of what they once had, a tantalizing glimpse of the love that had long since faded.

Lomesha had grown weary of the cycle: moments of tenderness followed by icy indifference. She had forgiven Rickey too many times for his transgressions, each time eroding her own self-worth just a little bit more. She lay there in the darkness, lost in a sea of questions.

"What have I done with my life?" Lomesha thought, her mind spiraling in the labyrinth of her regrets. She felt trapped, like a bird with clipped wings. "Have I convinced myself that I'm in love for all these years? This can't be it. There must be more to life than this. Where is the spark, the care, the respect?"

Lomesha's gaze shifted to the framed photo on the nightstand. It was a picture of her three young boys, their innocent smiles frozen in time. She had chosen to have them, driven by her principles and a belief in the sanctity of life. Lomesha loved her boys fiercely, but she couldn't escape the gnawing guilt that she had failed them. She longed to provide them with a better life, one filled with the warmth and security they deserved.

Her thoughts returned to Rickey, her partner for over a decade. They had met as young adults, full of dreams and hopes, at a college that seemed to promise endless possibilities. She, 19, and he, 18, had fallen head over heels in love, or at least she had. Their eyes had met across a crowded room, and in that moment, their destinies had intertwined.

She had been faithful throughout their relationship, but Rickey had not reciprocated. His infidelity had been a bitter pill to swallow, one that she had choked down in silence for years. She knew he was being unfaithful even now, and yet, the unspoken truth hung heavy in the air, an invisible specter that haunted their home.

As Lomesha lay there in the darkness, the weight of her choices and the echoes of her past love washed over her like a tidal wave. She was at a crossroads, caught between the love she had clung to for so long and the need to find a path that would lead her to happiness and fulfillment.

The room remained shrouded in silence, as Lomesha grappled with the questions that had no easy answers. It was the beginning of a journey, a journey that would take her deep into the heart of her own desires and lead her to a decision that could change the course of her life forever.

[trex98dreams]

Snowman

Member: Kim Taehyung Genre: Angst / Slight Smut 💔 💋 Song Inspired: Snowman - Sia Summary: He was your everything, but he devoted himself to your sister. What happens when she left him when he no longer had his sight?

Ever since you were little, you had always been fond of the snow. You prefer being in the cold, rather than staying inside during the festive season. That was one of the many reasons why you had more friend than your twin sister did.

Jisoo.

Unlike you, Jisoo was the shy and preserved twin. You guys weren't identical, but it would probably be better if you were since everybody likes to compare the 2 of you. Her beauty surpasses yours and that become one of the reason you envied her. Everything about you guys were different, the only thing you guys share in common was your voice. Sometimes, even your parents were confused when talking to one of you on the phone.

Jisoo didn't mind leaving you all alone. She hates the snow, the cold and the winter. She said the cold made people sick, and whenever you suggest to build a snowman together, she would ignore you by playing with her barbie doll beside the fireplace where your father was reading. But Jisoo's indifference changed one day, all because of the rectangular smiled boy that captured your hearts.

That day was still fresh in your mind, like it had just happen yesterday. You guys were 9 when you first met him. You had ran out of the house after getting permission from your parents to play in the snow. That time, you didn't ask Jisoo to follow you, because you knew she'd never agree anyways.

You were happily rolling the snow, humming a song while making your own snowman and snow angel. At one point, when you pouted because the snowball was too heavy for you to lift it by yourself, you notice a boy around your age staring at you with a wide smile, his smile was so wide it made you uncomfortable. The awkward looking boy stare at you from the pavement of your house for a long time as if asking to be your play date.

You stopped rolling the snow and put your hand on your waist cutely. "What?"

Your question startled him. His immediate reaction was so cute it made you blush a little.

"Oh, nothing.. it's uh- your snowman is really pretty. I like to build snowmans too!"

"Then?"

The boy scratched the back of his head. "I was wondering.. maybe.. uh never mind.. nothing! I- I'm sorry!" he said in a hurry and turn his back ready to leave. You felt guilty for making him feel unwanted, so you yelled at him, "HEY COME BACK! LET'S BUILD THIS ONE TOGETHER!"

The boy's eyes shine like crazy. He let out a huge adorable smile, displaying his box shaped smile and ran towards you in his brown padding coat. You didn't know it at the time, but you will be entangled with this boy for the rest of your life.

He let out a foggy breath which made you giggle. He wears a gentle smile the whole time, a sign that made you warm up towards him. "I'm sorry if my tone earlier made you upset," you bit your lower lips, a habit you had whenever you felt apologetic. The boy's smile didn't falter.

"It's okay!! Really! I uh- My grandma told me you had just moved here. She says I should make you feel welcome and made friends with you. Besides.. I don't really have much friend in this neighborhood, hehe," he told you. You let out a small smile.

"Oh btw, my name is Kim Taehyung. I live over there," he adds, pointing to the small old house 3 blocks away from yours. Staring at this Taehyung boy who looks so sincere to be friends with you, you allow him to shake your hand. 

"My name is Lee Y/N. Nice to meet you Kim Taehyung! I hope we'll be good friends from now on!"

"Me too! I'll be your.. erm.. snowman! And you.. you.. you''ll be my snowoman!" his words were touching and it made your young heart melts.

That was the start. That was how you became friends with Kim Taehyung. The whole day, it was perfect. So perfect. You notice Jisoo glancing at you from the window on the fireplace, but she didn't step out, although you and Taehyung kept on waving for her to join. When Taehyung asked you about her, you told him that she was your twin sister which is shy and doesn't like the snow. So Taehyung never asked for more.

You were happy for the first few years, because at the time, there is only you and Taehyung in your small world. He cares for you, protected you and build snowmans with you every winter. You even went to his house if you bicker with Jisoo or your parents over the smallest things. Taehyung was your shoulder to cry on. You were closer to him than you did with your sister especially with how Jisoo was treating as you grew older.

When you reached 15 however, Jisoo suddenly went into you room, and asked you something about him which she never did all these years.

"Hey sis," she called you in her usual cold voice which she only uses on you. You turn to her, putting away the schoolwork you were doing. "Do you like Kim Taehyung?"

"What?" you answered, baffled. "Of course I like him, he's my best friend."

Jisoo let out a small smirk. "You know what I mean. You've been friends with him since forever. You never bother to invite me to hang out with the both of you. So I though I should just ask you away. Is it because you like him? Are you scared that he will like me more if I'm around?"

"What nonsense are you talking about? Of course not! And FYI, I DID invite you, on many occasions, but you keep on telling me you didn't like Taehyung because he's shabby and his family didn't make much. I swear Jisoo, Taehyung's heart will broke if he heard all of the things you said about him, but every time he asks me why you didn't want to spend time with us, I always cover up for you and told him you were busy with school. What are you going on actually?"

Her statement made your heart burst. You hated when she badmouthed Taehyung. Jisoo never cared about Taehyung. She always told you to stay away from him, that maybe he was just using you because you both came from a wealthy family but you knew he's not like that.

That was your 1st mistake of course, because Jisoo caught the way you were being so protective over him. And of all the people, your cruel twin sister was the 1st to knew that you were in love with Kim Taehyung.

"Jeez, okay Miss Protective, I get it. I was just checking. If that's the case, you didn't mind if somewhere in the future, we date right?"

You eyes widened. But you quickly blink back, trying to look unbothered because you knew she was just manipulating you.

"Yeah.. yeah sure, whatever," you answered. "But I warn you sis, don't go breaking his pure heart because when Taehyung loves, he loves hard and if you can't stand how much he loves you, just don't lie to him about it."

Jisoo left your room with a smirk. You wanted to continue your schoolwork, but your discussion with Jisoo bothers you.

After that conversation, Jisoo suddenly shows up and tag along when you spend time with Taehyung. She follows you 2 to the library, went to the food stall to eat tteobokki together (which btw, she hates because its oily) and even went to Taehyung's house to get to know his grandma. For some reason, you felt like Jisoo had an ill intention, but when you see how happy Taehyung looked like whenever she comes along, you couldn't bare to tell him to be careful of your sister's treatment.

Why?

After all these years?

Why would she suddenly took an interest in him?

What was the reason?

You endure it, year after year. Your eyes went sore with how clingy Jisoo was being with Taehyung, one which you knew wasn't her real expression. You try to not think about the possibility of them dating, and maybe you should tell him how you really feel but it was all too late.

On that winter, 3 years ago, while waiting on your front yard to make your traditional snowman and snowoman with Taehyung, you caught them walking side by side, holding hands and laughing.

Your heart try to ignore the possibility, try to ignore the sight which kills you but when both of them saw you waiting at the porch, they waved and Taehyung proudly announced, holding Jisoo's hand by the air, "Y/N! WE'RE DATING!! CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE THE 1ST TO KNOW!"

Your dreams, your reality.. shatters. You could almost see the grin in Jisoo's smile. But Taehyung was too happy. Too happy with the fact that he got himself a girlfriend, whose shy and timid in his eyes. Ever since then, you spend less and less of your time with him because all of the time he has now belongs to Jisoo.

Every winter, whenever you stare at little kids making snowman, your eyes got teary, because you had never though, the one person you love with your whole heart, will be with the one person you truly hate.

...

[You'd came back for the wedding right?]

You let out a soft chuckle. It's been a few years since you moved to Seoul. To heal yourself from the pain of heartbreak, you studied hard, maintaining a good result and after you graduated from college, you were offered a job in there. You had move 4 hours away from your hometown, just wishing you could get over Taehyung in the meantime.

People said, not in sight, not in mind.

Bullshit, that was definitely a lie.

Because your heart ache a million time worst when your parents called to announce Taehyung and Jisoo's wedding in a couple of months.

When you first received the news, you couldn't believe it, you though Jisoo was just using Taehyung to make you jealous or something. Turns out, maybe she did love him along the way and serious about him to the point of marriage. You cry the whole night after receiving the news. The next day when you go to work, your eyes were red. Your boss and colleague were worried about you that they advice you to take a day off but you refuse, knowing a day off will just be a day thinking about their wedding.

Now, 2 weeks before the wedding, Taehyung himself called you when you keep on making excuses to your parents.

When you move to Seoul, you try to cut off all contact with him, but at times when he had a disagreement with your sister, he would call you and you would listen to his frustrations. He was so hard to ignore, and you couldn't just disappear when he's dating and would be marrying your sister. He would officially be your family soon and you were going to meet him at some point. Up until today, you wonder, is Taehyung still clueless about your feelings? Why is he torturing you like this?

"Of course I would Tae. I just had a lot of things going on here in Seoul. Don't you worry! I promise I'd be back in time for your wedding! I'll even buy you a something expensive as a gift!" you try to fake a cheerful voice when you were really crying inside. Taehyung chuckle at the other end.

[It's not the gift that matters. It's your presence Y/N. Gosh, I miss you so much. I miss making snowmans with you. I wish I could have my best friend by my side at times like this. Unfortunately, she's too busy to be available for me now..]

His sulking made your heart soften. "I.. I miss you too Tae," you chocked out when you realized he still remembers about the snowmans.

"I'm sorry, I'm not a good friend am I? I promise.. I'll be there on your wedding. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Say.. have Jisoo picked out her wedding dress yet? You know how she and I didn't talk much so I only heard how fussy she is from mom," you add to lighten up the mood.

[She haven't. She says the wedding dresses in our town is too lame. So she went with her friends, Nancy and Yooa from school to Makpo. Says she wants to search for the best wedding dress there and spend some 'girl time' with them before we get married or something,] Taehyung's voice was sad.

You keep on listening to his rant. [Of course, I was worried at first, and wanted to come with her, I could have applied leave from my job for a few days but she kept on refusing me and told me to give her some freedom before marriage and stuff. So before that led to another disagreement, I just let her be. Maybe she's right. I am too strict about her freedom, heh.]

Your heart grew heavy. Taehyung was too sweet and kind. Jisoo could have bring him along or just said she wants to spend some time with her friends, but instead, she said those words as if Taehyung was controlling her life like some overprotective fiance.

You let out a soft sigh. "You're not too strict Tae. You love her. When you love someone, you care and worry for them. There's nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't let my sister's word get into your head, okay? Besides, you 2 are gonna get married for the rest of your life. You have every right to be worried. Now-]

"Ah! I'm sorry Y/N! I gotta go! Jisoo finally called! Bye! Don't forget to come home okay! I'll be really upset if you're not here! Bye!"

The line was cut off. Your bit your lips, trying to surpass the emotion. But your eyes didn't lie, and a tear fall from the corner of your eyes heavily.

...

2 days later, your boss coincidentally sent your team to Makpo for a meeting. You though about calling Jisoo since you knew she was here, but this is Jisoo you're talking about. You knew she wasn't the happiest sister in the world to see her twin sister which she despise from childhood tagging along to find bridal gown for her wedding to the man her sister used to love.

After the meeting ended, your decide to go out for a drink with your colleague to the nearest bar. You were happily eating out and chatting with your colleague there but you didn't drink much, knowing how you can't handle alcohol well and someone had to be sober when you colleagues isn't.

You were listening to one of your colleague's story when a sight of a woman in a revealing violet bodycon dress caught your eyes.

She looks so familiar from the side, her long silky hair was put to one side of her shoulder. You squint your eyes, scanning her deeply. She was laughing bashfully with a handsome man in front of her, and when they got up, you saw how she linked her arms to him. The man take out his wallet and make a payment while the woman cling onto him. They turn around to leave the restaurant when you gasps upon looking at her face.

You hid in between your colleague. She didn't notice you of course, busy making heart eyes with the handsome man in suit. You notice she was wearing the butterfly pin Taehyung gave her on her hair. It couldn't be a doppelganger. You took your belongings when you saw how the man open the door to his Porsche car for her, and she steps inside with a cheerful smile.

Jisoo.

Your sister.

The bride to be.

"Miss Lee, where are you going?" one of your colleague asked you.

You bow at them. "Ah- I'm sorry guys! I had to leave first, I'm not feeling well. See you guy at the hotel okey?"

You dash out of the restaurant and stop a taxi in a hurry. You were desperate to follow them. It couldn't be what you're thinking isn't it? It couldn't be that Jisoo.. no, no, she loves Taehyung. She even agreed to marry him. She can't be, she can't be cheating. That's not possible. You try to ignore the possibility again. Jisoo isn't that kind of person. Not after years of relationship with Taehyung. Maybe that gentleman was just accompanying her. But if he did, then where is her friends, Nancy and Yooa?

Finally, the Porsche stops... in front of a luxury hotel. The handsome man got out of the car, went to the other side to open the door for your sister and hands his car key to the chauffeur. You sit in the taxi and watch them for a long time. You wanted to make sure that your suspicions weren't true, but just then, the happy couple in front of you kisses passionately. Jisoo had her arms wrapped around the handsome man's neck, while the man hold her waist tightly.

They giggle and disappear inside the hotel which left you outside, shock and tremble from learning the truth.

"Jisoo... sis... what have you done?" you cry to yourself.

Your own heart is trembling, how would Taehyung be when he finds out about this ugly truth?

...

"I'm telling you Taehyung, I saw it with my own eyes! I don't want you to get hurt! I don't want to lie to you! I would never joked with this kind of things!"

[Shut up Y/N! Jus- just shut up! My fiance can't be doing that! She's a shy and timid person! She didn't even knew people outside this town! How can you accuse her of cheating on me with some random guy in a Porsche far in Makpo?! Are you insane?!]

Taehyung never yelled at you. He had a good temper. Even when he's angry, he was always so calm and try to settle things with a right mind. You though he could take it. You though he could calmly accept the truth when you told him and ask Jisoo for the truth when she got back. But you never expected this outburst. You never expected he would flipped and drive all the way to Makpo just because he didn't believe you.

"Tae.. calm down please. You didn't need to come here. I can hear how angry you are. It's not good when you drive in such a mood. Please, just ask her when she gets back. I'll- I'll help you and go to the hotel. Please just be careful-"

[FUCK! HOW CAN I BE CALM WHEN YOU JUST TOLD ME MY FIANCE IS FUCKING ANOTHER GUY A WEEK BEFORE OUR WEDDING Y/N?!] he cuts your word with a curse. You felt like crying. This was a huge mistake. Telling him the truth was the wrong move. You felt guilty to keep it to yourself, that's why you told him but it seems that Taehyung.. he was blinded by rage at this point.

"Kim Taehyung, please, stop please. I can hear your tires screeching! Taehyung I just wanted you know the truth! Not being crazy by driving here to see for yourself!" you tremble on the phone but Taehyung couldn't hear you. Instead you heard him click his tongue.

[Crazy? You're the crazy one you know that?! Telling me all this when you knew I'm about to marry Jisoo in a few days. What was your intention huh Lee Y/N? You told me this without any ounce of evidence confidently, making me anxious each second! I won't be satisfied as long as I see it for myself! If my beloved fiance IS cheating, why didn't you take a photo of their alleged kiss? Why didn't you send me the picture?] he daunt you through the phone.

"It happened so fast, I didn't expect for it to be like this Tae! I was also in a shock! I saw the pin! The one you bought her with me! It can't be someone else! I-"

Taehyung chuckle at you pitifully. [I bet you're juts lying didn't you? I bet, you wanted to ruin our wedding, because you like me, correct?]

You stopped breathing when he said this. How did he knew you had a crush on him?

[Silence. I knew it. Jisoo was right. I can't believe you Y/N. Out of all the people, you would do this thing to me, you're so scheming,] he accuses you hurtfully. You didn't say anything, hearing his rage which made a tear starting to form on the corner of your eyes.

"Taehyung, you have every right to be angry, but I'm not lying. I would never hurt you. The one whose hurting you is-"

[Oh cut the crap Y/N! Jisoo used to cry and told me ever since you  guys were little, you had always looked down on her. She says you were always jealous of what she had and she told me that you started to liked me after she dated me. I'm sorry, but my heart chooses Jisoo. It would never be you! No matter how evil your intention is towards us!]

His angry confession made you cover your mouth. You can't let him hear your sobs. If he did, he would only add the pain by saying you were asking for sympathy. You calm yourself, taking a huge, deep breath. "Taehyung, I admit that I have liked you before. And I still do. But I would never lie to you with the intention of breaking your marriage. I know how much you loves Jisoo and I had accepted that fact. And what she told you was wrong. I liked you before she and you ever dated. We're friends Taehyung. Why would you believe her words but not mine..?"

Taehyung honked the car in front of him loudly. It was snowing hard, the snow flakes were raining uncontrollably, covering Taehyung's window shield. The lights were red but he didn't pay attention to it and was so engrossed and enraged with your conversation.

[I WOULD NEVER DOUBT HER Y/N! You told me she was wearing a bodycon dress, but the Jisoo we all knew is a shy girl who'd never reveal her skin to random guys she just met! She didn't even have a bodycon dress so obviously, you're lying to me! She can't be sleeping with someone else when she flinch at the slightest touch of my hand! Why are you like this Y/N? You wanted me to hate her didn't you? You-]

CRASH

"Tae! HELLO?! KIM TAEHYUNG! TAEHYUNG! TAEHYUNG ANSWER ME! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! WHAT HAPPENED?! TAEHYUNG!!!"

...

You sat on the rows of chair outside of his ward. You couldn't eat or think properly. You kept on crying and asking the doctors about Taehyung's condition every time they step out of his ward. You eyes were so puffy, you were a mess because this was all your fault.

Taehyung got into a car accident while talking to you. He was rushed to the hospital and you were still on the line when someone pick up his phone to inform you of his whereabouts and state. You quickly left Makpo and rushed home to Daegu anxiously after hearing the news.

You called your parents, his, and Jisoo to inform them of his condition. The only ones who didn't pick up was Jisoo. As you sat on the chairs, one by one, they came. Mrs. Kim was horribly crying and hugging her husband, while your parents hugged you because of the trauma. You told your parents about everything, but leave out the Jisoo cheating part as to not worry your parents.

You didn't leave the ward, even when Mrs. Kim told you its okay for you to go home, shower and eat before coming back. You couldn't bare it. You were still in a state of shock and repeatedly apologize, even kneeling to Taehyung's parents saying it was all your fault he got into a car accident.

"Sweetheart, no, no, it wasn't your fault. No, you need to rest, you're in shock, go home first, we'll look after our son. Come back when you've eaten something," Mrs. Kim hugs you gently. If she knew the truth, she would probably said the same thing about you.

You're nothing but a scheming woman.

Taehyung was in a coma for 3 days. The doctors have informed you that he was lucky that the accident wasn't severe and his organs were saved. But what's worst is Taehyung would probably be blind for the rest of his life. The shreds of broken glasses went into his eyes, injuring his corneas. You were horrified with the news.

You fell on the hospital floor helplessly after the doctors informed you of this. You couldn't help but sob, thinking of  how would Taehyung react once he wakes up to find that his whole world had turned dark.

"Why.. god.. why Tae? Why must he bear the punishment for my mistake..?" You cried your heart out as your parents and his cry as well.

You waited for Taehyung to wake up everyday while he lay there lifelessly with tubes attached to his body. His eyes were wrapped with a white bandage. Every time the nurses came into the room to change it, you would bravely asked them if you could do it instead. You would read stories for him, talk to him and apologize for everything and caress his hair gently. You were tired, but you wanted to be there for him when you wake up.

Suddenly, the door to his ward flung open.

"Taehyung..? Baby.. baby wake up..!" Jisoo's shrieks were heard throughout the room. You didn't say anything, standing up from the chair next to his bed and allowing Jisoo to kiss Taehyung's cold lips. Your heart hurts.

"Where were you?? Taehyung has been in the hospital for days! We have called you million of times but it went straight to your voicemail!" You couldn't help but feel angry.

Jisoo turn to you with tearful eyes, "My phone went missing Y/N!! Gosh! How are you so inconsiderate?! I got here right after searching for my bridal gown when I heard my fiance was in the hospital because of a car crash!! How do you think I would feel if you're at my place?!"

She hugs Taehyung's body and lay her head on his chest while you stood there looking at the fake affectionate act. You looked around and when you're sure your parents and Taehyung's was not here, you stare at her angrily.

"Me? Inconsiderate? I'm not the one cheating on my man a few days before my wedding with some Porsche guy," you said to her.

Jisoo's blood turn cold. "What the hell are you talking about?"

You wipe the tears in your eyes and chuckle.

"I saw you with that Porsche guy. In front of the luxury hotel in Makpo. I can't believe you did this to Tae sis. He loves you. He loves you with all he had. He worries about you and works hard to give you the life you wanted, the life he thinks you deserve. If you're going to cheat then why agree to be his wife?"

Your words made Jisoo's face flush with embarrassment and anger. "You knew nothing! You're just jealous because you couldn't have Taehyung and I could! How dare you accuse me, your own sister of such thing! You would do just anything to break us up didn't you? You evil-"

Just then, your parents and Taehyung's walked in. Jisoo stops what she was saying and turn to act to the shy and sad fiance once more. She went to hug Mrs. Kim and your parents, sobbing on their shoulder. You stare at Taehyung's figure and went to cover his chest with the blanket when suddenly, you saw his fingers twitch. You blink your eyes repeatedly, and when you're sure he's moving, you shouted for the doctors and nurses.

...

You waited outside the ward again, the ones whose allowed inside was only Taehyung's parents and Jisoo. Apparently, Taehyung has woken up, but after that, you couldn't see how he reacts when he realizes he is blind. You were so scared, you wanted to hug him, and tell him that it's okay, you'll be by his side. Your mom hugs you close, while your dad crosses his arms worriedly at their future son in law's condition.

The door to his ward were harshly open, revealing Jisoo with a panicked face.

"Mom! Dad! I can't! I can't! No! Tae can't be blind! My fiance can't be blind! NO!!" she crashed her body to your dad, seeming hard to accept Taehyung's fate. If Jisoo was like this, then how is Taehyung's reaction?

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I'm so so sorry. You're going to be okay. Taehyung is still alive, the wedding-"

"What wedding dad?!" Jisoo shouted in panic. "I can't marry someone blind! He's incapable of everything now that he lost his sight! Whose going to work to afford for the both of us?! I can't be the sole breadwinner for the 2 of us! And what if we had a child?! No, no, no, this can't be! I can't marry him dad! I can't marry Taehyung!"

Jisoo's words shocked you and your parents. Your mom look at her furiously. "That's not a nice thing to say Jisoo. Just because he had lost his sight, doesn't mean that you should leave him like that. And keep your voice down, Taehyung's parents is still inside. You should be the one who will be by his side right now. You're the one he needed most. What has gotten into you? You said you love Taehyung so much that if you don't marry him you'll go crazy. Why? Because he can no longer see now you're worried?"

Jisoo's face turn cold but it couldn't hide the panic. "I don't care! I take back all I said! I can't be with him! I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry dad! I can't! I just can't! This isn't the life I imagine for myself!"

You stare at her as she angrily steps away, trying to run away from the current situation. You stopped her by standing in front of her and begs.

"Sis please, Taehyung needs you right now. You can't leave like this. I know you're scared, I'm scared too. I'll help you in the future, you didn't need to worry about money, I'll support both of you. Just please sis, please get back inside and be there for him.. I beg of you."

"Aren't you an angel Y/N?" she stare at you disgustedly. "Taehyung is blind because of you! He told me earlier that he got into the car accident because of you! This is all your fault! It's your mess, now YOU fix it! I can't stand in the same place with you right now! Thanks! For destroying my happiness! If you care about him so much, you go and be there for him! I can't be here any longer, this is all too much for me!" she pushed you away harshly.

Your heart breaks when you listens to what Jisoo confesses. Taehyung still remembers everything before the car accident. You couldn't believe it. Now you knew, he holds a grudge against you for ruining his wedding and making him lose his sight.

You turn to your mom and dad who stares at you sadly. You pushed the door to his ward and saw him sitting on his bed, his lips pale, the look on his handsome face was melancholic and sad. You try to approach him as yourself when he heard your footsteps.

"Jisoo baby? Is it you?" he called out with a cracked voice. "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry, please don't leave me. This is all Y/N's fault! We could have been married yesterday if it wasn't because of her scheming lie! I'm sorry baby, although I'm like this now, I promise you I'll be better, I promise you that I will try to adapt with my condition now, just don't leave me baby, please!"

He though you were Jisoo, and it was your fault that he lost everything. You cried quietly when he said all this. Despite knowing he's blind, he still cares for your sister's future than his own. Taehyung's father let out a soft cough.

"Taehyung, son, that is not-"

His words were cut off when you went and hug Taehyung tightly. You held his head close to your chest and kiss his forehead, letting him snake his hands around you waist. You cried in pain when you feel the tears on his eyes that was wetting your shirt.

"It's okay Tae, I'm here. I'll always be here for you," you said, changing your tone slightly deeper to match Jisoo's. Everybody said, your voice and Jisoo's was the same. Could Taehyung recognize it? Waiting for the moment of truth, even Taehyung's parents were all sweaty.

Taehyung didn't say anything for a while, searching for your face with his fingers.

"Thank you baby, thank you for not leaving me, I love you Jisoo. I love you so much" he mutters, hugging you tighter.

...

The start of another lie.

Another big lie where all the people in the town and your parents conceal from only Taehyung. They would call you Jisoo when he's around, because whenever he hears your name, he will go into tantrum, throwing away everything he can reach in his blindness. You didn't like seeing him got injured, because once he threw a glass bottle which injured his palms, and another time he kicks the chair and made his ankle twist.

You knew, it wasn't just because he's angry with you, he was angry because he couldn't do anything without your help. You quit your job in Seoul, and took a job in your parent's supermarket near the house Taehyung and Jisoo was supposed to live together after their marriage. Feeling guilty about everything that happened, you swear that you will do all you can to ease Taehyung's hardship and live as Lee Jisoo for his sake.

You manage everything about him. You ask permission from his parents to take care of him in the house he bough for Jisoo and they let you. Since then, you have been living together with Taehyung as her, to let him know that Jisoo still loves him because she was all he wanted. Despite this, you still sleeps on separate rooms as to respect your boundaries. After all, he still believe that he's engaged to your sister.

You bathed him, prepare him his food, helped him dressed up and take him walk outside the park on your days off with a white cane on his hand. But every time someone wants to greet both of you, you will quietly put a finger on your lips and mouthed to them to call you Jisoo.

This was all you could do. If living as Jisoo is the only thing that can lift up Taehyung's spirit to accept his fate, then you'd do it to ease the guilt inside you.

"That's not it Tae, that's the kitchen," you teach him today, looking at him form the hallway of the house. Everyday, after you finish work, you will take your time to teach him the location of the house. How many steps to go to the kitchen, living room, and bedroom so it would be easier for him when you went to work.

"Oh, I'm sorry baby. I though it's the washroom. I'm so stupid aren't I? You teach me this everyday yet I still can't remember the steps," he remarks. You stare at him sadly.

"No, why would you say that? You're doing great Tae. And I love spending time with you, you don't need to worry about anything okay? I will be by your side if you want anything. You might think you haven't improve but I can see with my own eyes that you improve a lot day by day," you compliment him.

Taehyung smiles widely, the smile you've been craving and missing for for years. "I'm so thankful to have you by my side. Thank you baby, for accepting me even I'm like this. I don't know what I'll do without you. I'd probably rather die if you ever leave me like this."

Your hearts soars when he said this. But you knew he wasn't talking to Y/N. He was talking to Jisoo.

You smile to yourself pitifully when Taehyung continues. "I was so scared at first. I was so scared when I wake to find that everything was dark. I though I'm dreaming, I can't even differentiate dreams and reality anymore when I'm like this. But every time I hear you soothing voice and feel your hands on mine, it comforts me to know that you still love me despite me turning blind. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I can't be the man you deserve Jisoo. I'm not good enough-"

"Oh yes, yes you are. You're more than enough Tae. Don't say that, don't say things like this in the future anymore. It hurts me. If I'm being honest.. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you," you confesses, referring to Jisoo. Taehyung held the wall and walked towards your voice. He reached for you and try to search for your face when he felt your cheeks went wet.

"Baby were you crying? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You must be sad for me hmm? I'm sorry, I won't say such thing in the future again. I love you, I love you so much," he said, kissing your hair and hugs you tighter. You embraced his warmth and hugged him back.

It has been 6 months since you lived as Lee Jisoo.

One night after dinner, Taehyung had asked you some weird questions.

"Have.. Y/N ever called you or visits me when I'm in the hospital?"

His question shocked you. He never mentions your name. The 1st few months were hard on him, so you never bring up your own name to avoid his rage.

"Uh.. no. She visits once I guess, and- uh.. she told me she felt guilty for she was the reason why you got into the car accident. I try to persuade for her to stay, but she moved away and cut off all contact with all of us. She kept saying that she's sorry and she apologize for all the things she have done.. she though you hated her."

You lied. Taehyung was quiet for a long time before exhaling a heavy breath.

"I didn't hate her. I just.. I just couldn't forgive her for now. True, it's because of our argument but.. I don't blame her 100% for the car accident. She was my friend before, I just.. I just couldn't accept that she accuses you of cheating on me days before our wedding. She never called me herself to apologize, or even visits me after I was discharged. She even dare to cut off all contact with her own family, what a coward," he said which pains you.

Taehyung, could you see my heart bleeds when you said that?

You went silent. Taehyung notice this and reach for your finger, "I'm sorry baby. She's you sister, I shouldn't say such things about her. I'm sorry if it hurts your feelings," he told you with a gentle voice. "It's okay. I understand your anger Tae."

Your hands were cold when Taehyung held it. He try to warm it with his by rubbing it between his palms. "Your hands are so cold, it's past winter baby. It's cold like the snowman me and Y/N used to build. Are you okay? Wanna have some wine before we go to bed?"

"It's okay Tae. I'm.. I'm okay. I don't drink wine, I prefer hot cocoa when I feel cold anyways," you pretend with a happy voice.

You weren't ok. As long as he haven't forgive you, you could never be okay.

Your parents had tried to reach Jisoo everyday, but she disappears without a trace. You knew this was hard on her, but it was hard on Taehyung too. You tried calling, tried to look for her because Taehyung was anxious about the wedding, wanting to redo the whole thing asap.

You can't lie about a wedding. You can't marry Taehyung as Jisoo. That is just too much. Taehyung never said this, but you knew he was weird out by the fact that you hate skinships with him. You avoid his kisses and his touch. You never held hands with him unless when you two walk out to go somewhere. Yet, he never questions you why the once clingy Jisoo feels so distant now.

It made him overthink as he was left in the house alone everyday. And a few weeks after that, when you got out of work, you couldn't find him anywhere in the house. It made you panicked and you begin to ran around the house, looking for him as you were afraid something awful had befall him. You were about to cry and shout out when you saw him kneeling on the backyard, his hands and shirt were messed up with mud, his white cane beside him laying on the grass.

You quickly ran towards him. "Tae! What were you doing?! Oh my god! What happen?! You scared me to death! I though something had happened to you while I was at work! Thank god you're alright!" you cried as you cling onto his shirt and held him on your arms.

Taehyung didn't say anything, his blind eyes were looking forward but it was teary. "You're worried.. finally. I though you didn't love me anymore baby.. you never wanted to be close to me. You never kiss me once after I turn liked this.. you still cares.. thank goodness.." he mutters softly. So that was the reason. This was what he had been thinking.

Without further thinking, you cupped his cheeks with your palms and lands a passionate kiss on his lips. Taehyung was surprised, but he had missed Jisoo's kiss so much. He tearfully kisses you back and cried as you didn't let go.

Taehyung caresses your wet lips longingly, and you deepen the loving kiss you had for him until you realize that you are kissing him as Y/N, not as Jisoo. The kiss was full of longing and was going heated, so you let your guards down and told him, "Take me Taehyung. I'm all yours. This is my prove that I'm still in love with you. I love you Taehyung. I always have, and I always will."

Upon hearing this, Taehyung kisses you harder. You led him back into the house without stop kissing each other. His hands roams over your body, while your hands was on the back of his head. As he reached for your shirt, he ask you for confirmation, "Are you sure about his baby? You sure you wanted to do this with me before our wedding?"

You shush him with a kiss. "I do. I'm all yours Taehyung. I wanted you to be my first, and my forever."

Taehyung peppered you neck with kisses as soon as you finish saying this.

"I love you Jisoo. I love you so much."

...

You felt disgusted with yourself. You had just slept with your sister's fiance. You couldn't believe what you had done. You were just the same as Jisoo. You were also an adulterer. Things have gotten out of control. You had to do something before it gets worst. Before the wedding next month, Taehyung needs to be with the real Jisoo.

You stare at the ceiling after your intense love making with Taehyung. Part of you were happy that you had lost your virginity to him and him to you, but you knew you were only hurting yourself by deciding to care for him.

"Baby? What were you thinking? Did you regret it?" Taehyung said, his deep voice rumbling on his chest as your listens along with the sound of his heartbeat. You let out a sad smile, one which he cannot see. "No, of course not. I love you so much Taehyung, you've made me so happy lately."

He let out a soft chuckle and kisses your hair while caressing it with his long fingers. "You made me happy too. Happier than I ever did before I lost my sight. One day, if I'm lucky enough to get a pair of new eyes, I will make love to you and look into your beautiful eyes every night," he told you sincerely. You wanted to cry but you blink back the tears that's threatening to fall. You held his face and kisses his cheeks softly.

"You had made me the happiest person in the world Tae, thank you. I love you so, so much," you told him sincerely, as Lee Y/N, not Lee Jisoo. Taehyung holds you close, and you nuzzle your head on his naked chest happily.

"Taehyung, I'm just wondering.. you didn't have to answer this if it makes you unhappy, but.. do your forgive her..?"

Taehyung's furrow his eyebrows confusedly while playing with your hair, "Who baby?"

You gulped before answering, "Urm.. my sister.. Y/N."

You can feel that he is contemplating for a second. "I wouldn't say I forgive her truly, but I'll try to bare with her, since she's your sister," he answered. "Just because of that? Not because she's your former friend?" you tilt your head. Taehyung stops playing with your hair.

"I mean.. I do miss her, but.. I can't believe that she accused you of cheating. I know she likes me, but that doesn't mean that she could do that to you. The fact that she accuse you of such thing hurts more than me losing my sight. But.. it's been a few months since then. I think.. I think I'm ready to forgive her. Besides, you must wanted her to be at our wedding, right?"

What Taehyung says played in your mind the whole night. He was hugging you in his sleep, but you weren't sleepy, instead you think of ways to get him what he wishes for. He had forgiven you even when you lied saying you haven't visited him after he had turned blind. What upsets you is that he was so in love with Jisoo. You knew you should just bury this secret with your townspeople till the day you died.

You look at him for a long time, tears after tears rolling out of your eyes and you finally came up with a decision that you believe will make him happy.

...

Taehyung was so happy when he received the news.

He was going to get a pair of new eyes!

The doctors said that it was a secret, but he would like to meet the deceased's family's who is willing to donor their child's eyes so he could see again. He was so happy the whole day. During lunch, he couldn't stop talking to you about how excited he was for the operation. Strangely you were quiet and only reply with a few words but Taehyung hadn't notice this. You told him that the wedding should be done after his operations so they could look into each other's eyes during the reading of their vows so Taehyung agreed.

"I mean what I said that night baby. After my operation, I'm finally able to look into your beautiful eyes again. Wait for me, ok?" he held you cold hands and sips the hot coco you made for him tonight. Tomorrow, it will be his operation day. You stare at him and kisses his lips warmly, but the kiss feels strange tonight, as if you were saying goodbye.

"I will Tae. I will wait for you. I hope it'll turn well for you. All I wish if for your happiness."

Taehyung let out his boxy smile. He reached for your hands and you both went to bed together for the last time.

When morning came, you bring him to the hospital and guide him to the operation room. Taehyung can feel the changing of his attire, and the smell of medical instruments around the room. He was terrified but he was also excited because less than a few hours, he would see the world just like before. He was chatting so happily with you, while you listens attentively to every word he said.

"Your hands are cold again, we'd get hot coco after this, how's that??" Taehyung quipped. You held his face lovingly and let out a sad smile.

"Sure Tae. Sure.. we'll get hot coco, and made snowmans and walk to parks after your operation," you tried to cover the sadness in your voice. Taehyung smiled.

The doctors finally called for his name and he let go of your cold hands who was unable to let him go. You stare as he was pushed by the medical team into the room. You turn around when suddenly, your parents walked in, beside them.. Jisoo.

You haven't seen her for months. And she came just in time for the wedding. Your parents hugged you tightly, kissing you tearfully and asking you whether you're sure this is what you're going to do. Jisoo didn't say anything, she didn't even looked at you properly before you approach her who looks like fine wine even months after her disappearance.

"Sis, please. He had gotten his eyes. Please look after him yeah? He loves you so much. I'm only doing it because of how much he loves you, and now I'm undoing my mistake. It's your turn now. Don't waste the love he harbors for you anymore. You got what you wish for," you told her.

Jisoo stare at you with hatred from your head to your toe. "I know, I know. Mom and Dad had nagged me about it billions of times. Hey sis, were you expecting him to forgive you when you did this? Why are you such an idiot for him?"

You shook your head. "I didn't expect anything, he had forgiven me and told me that himself. That was enough for me to make this decision alone."

Your parents strongly disagree with your decision but they couldn't stop you either. As for Jisoo, she rolled her eyes and look away, not even thanking you for what you were willing to sacrifice. The doctors called for your name, and you change your attire to the hospital gown. You look at your parents and your sister one last time, before turning around to be admitted into the ward.

...

The wedding between Taehyung and Jisoo went smoothly the next month. Everybody was happy for both Taehyung and Jisoo. People all over the town was invited, but the only person Taehyung cares about was Jisoo. She looks so dazzling today. Her sparkly white wedding dress had made him the happiest man alive. Lee Jisoo is finally Kim Taehyung's wife.

But Taehyung knew something was off.

Your parents were giving him apologetic looks and left early, not even bidding their daughter goodbye for their honeymoon. He was also upset that you didn't attend their wedding. Although he was angry, he wanted you to be here on his happy days. At least for your sister, but alas you were nowhere in sight.

"Fuck~ right there daddy," Jisoo moans. Taehyung slams his hips harder, searching for the spark in Jisoo's eyes but she was closing hers.

"I love you so much baby.. you're so beautiful and now you're my wife," he told her as he kissed her neck, biting and sucking on the skin. Jisoo spread her legs wider, she was a little wild tonight which confuses Taehyung because the 1st time they made love, she wasn't like this.

"Ah! Harder Taebaby, knock me up tonight! Fill me with your babies, you'd like that don't ya? OoO yeah, yeah, you're so big daddy! Give me all of you tonight, made love to your wife!" She dirty talks in his ears, hands roaming around his back.

Taehyung plunge himself inside her, but still, he wanted her to open her eyes. "Open your eyes baby, let me look into yours as we came, remember what I promise you?"

Of course she didn't. Because it wasn't her he had made the promised too. They were both sweating, and Jisoo obligingly open hers as she realize Taehyung was referring to his promise to you. Jisoo felt awkward and bothered as he looks into Taehyung's eyes.

She quickly look away. Taehyung pulled her chin when he realize somethings wrong. He stopped thrusting and peck her lips. "Are you okay baby? Does it hurt? I'm sorry, I'll stop if you want me too."

"No, no! Ah-  I just.. I was just embarrassed that you're looking at me like that daddy, please don't stop, it's too good to stop now, I need to cum, and I need you inside me~ please," she pulls him closer again.

Taehyung didn't refute.

He start thrusting once again, and they made love the whole night. Though he realize something's wrong, Taehyung tried to ignored it, thinking it was just his mind playing with him.

Jisoo's behavior confuses Taehyung as days passed by.

Whenever he wanted to ask her about you, she would quickly avoid the subject and talk about things that interest her. When he asked if he should go visit your parents, she told them that they're busy, and were travelling and all sorts of things. Jisoo's care and affection towards him before was only during their love making and under the bed sheet. Taehyung felt as if she was a different person before and after he was blind.

She smells different too. Before she smells like vanilla but now, she smells like expensive victoria secret's perfume. When Taehyung wanted to go to the park with her, she would refuse, saying she hates the air quality there. She even asked if its possible for them to move away from this town. Said she was getting bored of the dull life here. She rarely cooks or button his shirts anymore. She didn't held him by the cheeks softly and instead, it was just rough fucking during their intercourse.

Taehyung hates to admit it, but Jisoo no longer feels like home. Maybe it was just him, maybe Jisoo's right. They should moved out of this town and live elsewhere.

To please his wife, Taehyung decides to buy a house in Gwangju. Maybe his relationship with Jisoo will grew stronger without the familiar people around them. One day, he went to the park where he and Jisoo used to go everyday while he was blind. He sits on one of the bench alone, wearing a hoodie and stare off at the lake.

He was amused with the view until a moment later, he heard a conversation between a new couple who had just moved here.

"You know, I feel a bit weird too honey. The girl who cares for the Kim's blind son before had a slightly different face during the wedding. I though my eyes were deceiving me but I'm sure it wasn't the bride who had taken care of the Kim's son all those months ago. I heard that the bride had a twin sister. Maybe she was the one taking care of him, don't you think?" The woman's voice wonders.

Her husband looked around. "Let's just mind our own business. We just moved here, we didn't know anything."

"I know.. but the girl before was so kind and polite, she feed our dog everyday when she got off work. She always greets us with a smile. But if she were the same girl who married the Kim's son, why did she no longer greet us now? She looks so snobby and antisocial too," the woman adds furiously. Her husband let put a huge sigh.

"Oh come on. You and your gossips. Let's go, we shouldn't get involve with this townspeople's secrets."

The couple walked out of the park, leaving Taehyung who had his eyes widened to himself. What are they talking about? The townspeople's secret? What secret? And were they talking about Jisoo.. and you?

Taehyung needed answer. So it wasn't just him. It's not just his feelings.

...

Taehyung waited at the dining table after he got out of his parent's house to confront them. Taehyung's mind was everywhere, he needed confirmation from Jisoo herself. Even when his parents revealed the truth, he couldn't believe it.

It can't be you.. it can't be you whose taking care of him before! It can't be you he made love to! It can't be you who showers with words of comfort and promises! He's not an idiot! How could he not tell the difference between you and Jisoo?!

A clacking sound of heels on the floor shook him away from his thoughts.

"Daddy.. you're home early. Oh, you were waiting for me the whole day didn't you? Come on, let's get to bed, I'll be your obedient wife tonight," Jisoo said, slurring out sexy words to seduce her husband.

Taehyung didn't move. Tonight, he wants the truth. Jisoo went to the cupboard to take out a few glass of wine for her and Taehyung. She look through the cupboards and the fridge, but she couldn't find what she was looking for.

"Darling, don't you have some wine saved up here somewhere? Urgh, this is so frustrating and I'm cold!" She complains.

Taehyung's face were grim. "I though you hated wine, since you prefer hot coco when you're cold. Besides, you were the one arranging everything in this house before, shouldn't you be the knowing where you put out everything?"

Jisoo giggles, "Hated? Babe you're funny!"

"Wine is the life! How could I hate wine, you're so funny tonight Darling. And fyi, I don't know ok? This house is huge, how would I remember everything I put here and there-"

Taehyung let out a soft chuckle. "You can't remember huh? Ok. Tell me something Jisoo, that night I took your virginity away, what did I promise you?"

Jisoo though that Taehyung was just playing, so she massage his shoulder gently. "Hmmm.. Darling, why are you so uptight tonight? Come on, let's go to bed, I can't wait to make love with my husband.."

To this, Taehyung turned serious.

"I'll ask you one more time Lee Jisoo. What did I promise you, the 1st time I made love to you before my surgery a few months ago?"

Jisoo gulped. Taehyung never raises his voice towards her. He was always a soft, obedient husband who listens to her every command. Staring at his eyes right now, Jisoo trembles. She tries to remember what details you told her about Taehyung's likes and dislikes but she had forgotten all those when she married him.

"I.. I don't remember.. Ah! I got it! You promised me you'll love me even after I die..?"

It was a long pause after that. Taehyung raked his hair in frustration and laughed sinisterly. "I can't believe it Jisoo.. hahah.. You're not her."

Jisoo looked at Taehyung who was now half crying and half laughing. "All these while.. it was her? She was taking care of me all these while? You're her sister for goodness's sake! You were my fiance! I chose you!"

Jisoo wanted to deny the truth, but Taehyung stopped her.

"I ask my parents, I ask everybody, but I couldn't believe it, everybody in this town deceives me. They said it was what Y/N wanted. She replace you because she knew I was having a hard time accepting the fact that I'm blind. My parents told me everything, from the moment you disappear after learning the truth, to Y/N who pretends to be you for the sake of my life. How could you Jisoo?? How could you do this to me?!"

Jisoo grit her teeth in anger. "What? So now you resent me for knowing the truth?! Don't forget that you blamed her for getting into the accident Taehyung! You blamed her for losing your sight! You're such a hypocrite Taehyung! What, now you had fucked me as your wife, you regret that it wasn't my sister that's under you?!"

Taehyung felt like he wanted to choke her to death. "You weren't a virgin the night we consummate our marriage. Which means you lied to me. Which means.. Y/N was right before. You WERE cheating on me, weren't you?"

Jisoo avoid his gaze. "What do you know? Maybe I found someone while I was away-"

"No, no you didn't. Whatever you say right now is just more lies to me. I just can't look at your face right now. I just can't believe I called you wife. It shouldn't be you, it should have been Y/N. God I'm such an idiot," he told her regretfully. Jisoo was scared of what she heard, she reached for his arms and took a deep breath, revealing-

"Taehyung I'm pregnant."

Taehyung blink his eyes. No, this isn't the time for her lies, this must be another way for Jisoo to-

"This is the sonogram photos of our baby. I was going to tell you I went to the clinics earlier and surprised you, but I never though that this day to come sooner," she stops him, putting the baby's photo on the dining table.

Taehyung scans it and look at the photos tearfully. It showed that the embryo was 4 weeks old. He was going to be a dad.. he's going to be a father soon! But his happy tears turned sad, as he realized that the woman he wanted to bear his child with was not you!

Taehyung loves kid. No matter how fucked up this situation are, he was firm with the decision in his mind he made earlier today. If Jisoo though their baby is going to held him down, she's wrong.

"I'll be responsible since I am still your lawfully legal husband and the baby's father. I'm going to be there for every checkup, every morning sickness and everything regarding the baby's health. I'll take care of the baby and share custody with you but after you gave birth, Lee Jisoo, I'm going to divorce you."

His answer shocks Jisoo. "DO YOU THINK I'M A SPERM BANK KIM TAEHYUNG?! NO, I WILL NEVER SIGN THE PAPERS AWAY! YOU'RE MINE TAEHYUNG! MINE!"

Jisoo begin to throw things to him. She was so angry that even with the baby inside of her, Taehyung was still going to let her go and chase after you. She begin to ramble more nonsense as Taehyung avoid the things she was throwing at him.

"WHY IS IT ALWAYS HER?!"

"WHY IS IT, THAT SHE IS ALWAYS LOVED?! SINCE WE WERE LITTLE, SHE WAS ALWAYS LOVED DISGUSTINGLY BY EVERYONE! YOU LOVE HER, MY PARENTS LOVE HER, MY FRIENDS ADORE HER, YOUR GRANDMA AND PARENTS CARES FOR HER, THIS FUCKING WHOLE TOWN LOVES HER!! WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON'T?!"

"SHE LEFT THIS TOWN BUT I STAYED. SHE ABANDONED YOU, SHE ABANDONED THIS TOWN, WHAT ELSE DID PEOPLE SEE IN HER?! WHY CAN'T FOR ONCE, PEOPLE CHOSE ME OVER HER?! THAT FUCKING 2 FACED BITCH!"

Taehyung held her arms, not wanting her to injured herself. After all, she is still his wife. He used to loved her and she is pregnant with his child. Taehyung knew, upsetting a baby mama can led to harmful consequences.

"EVERYTHING SHOULD BELONG TO ME, EVERYONE! BUT SHE ALWAYS FINDS A WAY TO LET PEOPLE LIKE HER MORE! SINCE SHE LIKES DOING THAT SO OFTEN, I TOOK THE ONE THING SHE LOVES MORE, YOU! HER PERFECT LITTLE SNOWMAN! HAHAHAHA!"

Taehyung couldn't process what she was saying. So all this time, she pretended to love him because she wants to make you jealous? Things were too complicated between the 3 of you. No, it was his fault. At first it was just you and him, but his attraction for your sister's beauty beats everything. Taehyung realize it was not only his eyes who went blind, but his heart as well.

"I know she had a thing for you since you were kids. I grew up having to be compared to her because she was smarter, she was more helpful, she was more kind and what do I have? Just beauty! Guess what, with this beauty, I could posses you, the one thing she loves more than herself! Serves her right!" She laugh hysterically, confessing her true nature.

Taehyung's eyes were wet with tears. He was so confused, so guilty of everything be ever said and made you do. He was so angry with Jisoo. He was determined to make it right.

When she wants to throw things again, he stopped her. "Stop it, stop it Jisoo! Look at me! Look into my eyes!" Taehyung said but he earned a smirk from her instead.

"Your eyes? Heh," she adds.

"That's not yours! Even the eyes you had now, was hers! That annoying fakely innocent eyes everybody falls for! What a pretentious bitch! What? You don't know? HAHAHA! You Kim Taehyung, can see the world again, can marry me, can have a child of your own and get a job like normal human again, all because of my sister's stupid sacrifice!"

Taehyung's blood ran cold.

"You must wonder why I avoid looking into your eyes when we fucked didn't you? Because, I know it was hers! I was there when she stupidly sign the form to donor her eyes to you! To give what? Oh I remember! To fix the mistake she made and redeem herself, so you can have a happy life! I see that now she've made a wrong decision, because you're neither happy nor satisfied, even when you accomplished your dream of marrying me!"

Taehyung falls to the floor, horrified with the new truth. His parents didn't tell him this.

You..

You donor your eyes to him?

Was that why your parents were giving him and Jisoo looks during his wedding?

"You.. I can't believe you.. you're so cruel Jisoo! A lying heart of a snake woman! Where is she?! Where is Y/N?!" Taehyung yelled but Jisoo slammed the front door, not before she replied, "she's dead to me."

...

"Thank you so much sir," you said as you got out of the train, someone's hand guides you to the tactile edge.

This was your daily life since you've donor your eyes to Taehyung.

You and your parents had moved to Osaka, far from the town and country you were naturally from. You had begged you parents to just let you live with a maid or something but pitying you for your condition and being unable to see your sister happily marrying the man you love made them think that you needed them more. Your parents took you and left without telling the townspeople where they were going, and begs your sister to keep your location a secret. Your dad took a job offer there and your mom opened a bakery downside your new home.

You may not see the world, but you were grateful that you can still use your sense of smell and touch. A lot of people around you tend to help you when you're in need. Plus, Taehyung was happy on the other side of the world, it was enough for you.

It was snowing today, you can feel the snowflakes on your fingers. The snow made happy, however, today has been strange.

When you try to tag your card on the train, someone had payed for you. When you went to the florist to buy some flowers for your mom, the florist informed you that someone had also payed for it. The trains feels so empty, usually you feel the pushing of someone's shoulder on your body but that was not the case today.

You walk to the park with your white cane, smelling the flowers in your hand. You were careful with your steps, afraid that you might slips on the snow. You took a seat at bench in front of the clear koi pond you mom told you whenever she brings you there. You inhale a deep breath, and smiled happily although you couldn't see anything.

You were wrapping the thick jacket around you when you heard a shuffle beside you and move a little to make space. The person sitting next to you didn't say anything, but their scent was so familiar.

You had been smelling this scent the whole day. When you were in the flower shop, the train, the walkways, the udon restaurant. It's like someone had been following you.

You took a deep breath, and recall to whom this scent belongs to.

"Taehyung?" You called out softly.

"Is that.. you?"

The man next to you cried the moment you called out his name.

His sobs, his sniffles.. you knew it was him. "It's you isn't it? I- I recognize your scent.."

You feel your cold hands were wrapped around a large warm one. The person beside you lay his head on your lap, sobbing harder as he heard you calling his name.

"Y/N.. you recognize my scent.. but I can't even differentiate you and your sister even after months!" He finally voiced out after following you and crying for the whole day at your misfortune.

"Why?! Why did you have to fall for me? Why haven't you ever tell me? Why did you donor your eyes to me? I'm not happy Y/N! Because my happiness, it lies with you! I wish I never got this eyes! With or without them, my eyes could never tell who truly loves me!" He confesses with a cry, staring into your face with the eyes you gave him.

"Tae..How did you find me here, no wait- does Jisoo know that you're here? Last I heard you two are having going to have a baby.. congratulations.. you had always love kids.." you smile, hoping that Taehyung could see it.

His heart breaks and he sobs harder, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

"It's okay Tae. I wanted to give you a second chance. I destroyed it the 1st time, it was my fault. I was happy, because at least you have forgiven me," you told him. His heart bleeds as he realize the only thing he care about was his happiness.

"It doesn't matter anymore. It should be you Y/N. You should be the mother to my child, you would have been an amazing mother if it wasn't for my recklessness. Oh god Y/N.. why? Why did you give me your sight if it is only used for crying just like it used to?" His voice cracked little by little, heart torn to pieces.

When he found you, he followed you around Osaka to see what you have been up to. He was sad to see that the once cheerful and beautiful girl was walking alone in a dark world, giving all her world to him. He didn't let go of your hands. The hands that have been warming up his dark nights, caress him him on his back, button his shirt, feed him and held his teary cheeks when he loose all hope.

"How is Jisoo? How far is she? Are you having a boy.. or a girl?" You ask, pretending to crack a smile.

Taehyung frustratedly stare at you. "I'm going to have a girl. But Jisoo and I.. we're not together anymore. We have mutually agreed to file for a divorce, and our divorce will be finalized after the baby was born," he told you, holding your hands tightly.

"What? I don't understand, you love her Tae. Why so sudden? Don't tell me you're here because I donor my eyes-"

"How long are you going to lie to me Y/N?" He ask you desperately. "Do you think I haven't find out everything by now? I'm here.. because I realize, I have hurt my snowoman, year after year and broke her heart and haven been so ungrateful for what she did for me! I'm here.. because I miss your warmth, your gentleness, your loving embrace and your care.."

He cries on your shoulder, taking you in his embrace. "All these years.. I have hurt you so much haven't I? I was blind even before I literally am. I *sobs* I'm sorry Y/N. If I could turn back time or give you back your eyes, take it! I would exchange the whole world for you but please don't leave me again.. please.. don't leave me Y/N. You were my home, my home for all seasons. I'm your snowman, and you were my only snowoman."

He cried and cried on your shoulder, you can feel the tears wetting your jacket. You love Taehyung, and no matter the circumstances, he was always your snowman. The hot coco, the stolen kisses, the conversation you had on the parks way back then played on both of your mind.

You haven't even made a decision yet because everything was so messy right now. Everything was happening so fast. Jisoo's pregnant. Taehyung's begging you not to leave him. They had a baby on the way as well as a divorce, and your parents would definitely not approve of you marrying your once brother in-law.

One things for sure is, you are definitely going to invite him to do snowmans with you after this, because even in the dark of your world, Taehyung had bring a light to guide you out of it.

🌸

[theotheroccassionalfanficwriter]

Heyy can I request a 3rd part for Zhong x mage reader where they hopefully realize their feelings for each other? Feel free to end it off & add as much fluff & smut if you wish (*^ω^*)

Thanks for waiting anon, lol I just realize that this was almost the same as the previous ask so I decided to do a reader's POV continuing from where we left off last time.

So please enjoy the fourth part in the In Pursuit of Series: 1,2,3

In Pursuit of Love

Summary: You fell in love slowly, unknowingly, and when you had realized it, your love for him had already sunk into the marrow of your bones.

--

1.

Falling back together was easier than the time the two of you spent weeks apart from each other. You found it easier to fall back to your morning routine with Zhongli around than it was to relearn how you lived before. And somehow the two of you had grown closer, more attuned to each other’s thoughts that sometimes there was no need to talk further. It was the intimacy of being known, and by the archons you were drunk on it.

You lived freely and happily, as if all the burdens you had were gone. With Zhongli by your side, it felt like the world had become brighter. Spending time with him, starting and ending the days with him became so natural that you didn’t notice what was already there from the start.

It stood to reason that you didn’t put much thought when Zhongli woke you up with his tongue down your throat or his hands groping your now exposed chest. It meant that when Zhongli took off your clothes in the morning, placing kisses on your neck and leaving visible marks on your skin, you merely thought he was just getting things started to transfer his energy for your continued survival.

It meant that you didn’t think much when you found yourself returning the favor, opening your legs for him, riding his cock early in the morning and not bothering to stifle your moans because Zhongli told you he liked hearing how much you wanted his cock, how slutty you acted when he thrusted his cock in your pussy until it was raw.

You had thought all of his words as dirty talk, not actually carrying any meaning beyond making the sex pleasurable for both of you. And today was no exception, you woke up with Zhongli’s mouth sucking on your nipples, leaving new bruises on top of last night’s marks.

Your pussy was filled with fresh cum and you could taste his cum on the back of your throat. You idly wondered how long had Zhongli been fucking you before you woke up, but such thoughts were thrown in the back burner when you felt his fingers tease your clit and toy with your cum-filled pussy.

“Nnnn!”

With a pop, Zhongli stops sucking your nipples and kisses you on your mouth, tongue entangling with yours.

--

“Good morning” He greeted you with a soft and gentle smile that was at odds with his lewd acts.

“Good morning” You greeted him shyly as you spread your legs wide, and silently asked for his cock. You wanted to be awake this time when he filled you up.

For someone who was fucking you for an indeterminate length of time, Zhongli had a lot of stamina. His cock easily penetrated you again, geo cuffs forming like an absent thought on your wrists as he went in and out of you. His cum acted as a lubricant to ease his cock as it filled you to the brim, stretching your walls and giving you a pleasant burn.

Your ample breasts jiggled from the force of being fucked over and over. Your pussy felt raw but even so you couldn’t help but want more, Zhongli’s dick had ruined you for everyone else. You were quite sure that no one would be able to bring you over the edge the way Zhongli did.

Your entire body felt warm from the lust and the odd feeling that came from Zhongli’s archon energy. Before you could even ask him about it, your thoughts were interrupted by the hard thrust of his cock that had your body arching and feeling the warmth of his thick cum.

Zhongli pulled out and let the rest of his cum shoot on your body, some landing on your face and open mouth.

“Good girl.”

You smiled at him sweetly.

2.

For some reason, it became a common occurrence for you to head to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor with a homemade lunch for Zhongli, on days when you had no case to solve or you had reached a dead end. Today was a latter kind of day, there were no breakthroughs on the Chasm case which Qixing was gracious enough to not hasten you.

Especially since they were aware that you had landed a life threatening curse on yourself.

So now that you had gotten used to spending your lunch time with him, it made you realize that everyone in the Parlor was already familiar with you. You no longer limited yourself to chatting with Hu Tao or the Ferry Lady when Zhongli was busy with his job. Which was odd, now that you’ve thought about it. For all of the claims of your genius and the surprising amount of time you spent with children, you were never good at people.

Or to be more precise, good at keeping people. Your relationships with everyone you’ve met had always been so-so, you could rely on them for information you need, or calling in for a favor but if you could never truly trust yourself with them. You don't know when to call people friends or how to keep the ones you make, you suck at maintaining relationships and the only ones you’ve been able to maintain are from people who are surprisingly stubborn or sticky.

Ones who didn’t mind that you never wrote regularly or you came and went through their life like a breeze of wind. They were people who didn’t mind rebuilding friendship again and again, assuring you in their own silent way that you were wanted and welcome.

Which meant that the present relationship you had with the employees of Wangsheng was an odd change, a welcome one, but odd nonetheless. This was how Zhongli found you, contemplating in silence, in his office.

“Are you alright, dear?” He asked, worry marring his beautiful features.

“Hmmm...yeah, just thinking” You answered with an awkward smile and a heavy feeling in your heart that you can’t quite explain.

“You don’t have to, you know” Zhongli said, reassuring you.

“I really don’t know” You joked with him.

“Talk to the others if you aren’t up to it” He explained and to anyone else it would felt like a slight, a terrible jab at your inadequacy that you never quite got the hang of.

But it was Zhongli.

Zhongli who willingly shoulders the gossip about your relationship with him, who cares for you so deeply that he can give you himself for an indefinite period of time, Zhongli who simply wants to stay by your side and thinks the world of you, who believes that you are good.

And that’s enough to take off the sting from the reminder of your flawed humanity, makes your body relax and you find yourself leaning into his hand that somehow made its way to your face.

You nuzzle into it, a show of affection that makes you feel embarrassed but the weight of Zhongli’s affection, this intimacy from whole acceptance and being known, was an addictive warmth that you feared losing.

“Thank you.”

You hope that Zhongli can hear everything those two words encompass.

3.

The changes stemming from your relationship with Zhongli, mainly this odd but welcome change of being connected to people, and staying in a place for a long while meant that inevitably you end up having a permanent address people can find you.

It was novel to you, the idea of a place being stuck to your name. You said as much to Zhongli, during one of those rare times he had no work and decided to be with you for an entire day.

“How do your friends write to you then?”

“They don’t or well they post a commission to the guild and I pay for the reward” You told him truthfully before recounting the first time one of your friends had done so and it had involved a high ranking adventurer, the guild master of the adventurer’s guild and ending with an entire map of Mare Jivari.

“What were you doing there?!” Zhongli had asked scandalized.

“I was curious and there was no known map of it, so I thought ‘huh? Guess this would give me a whole lot of mora if I did this!’ how was I supposed to know one of my friends would end up pregnant during that time and wanted me to be a godmother?” You replied, slightly offended and amused at the look on his face.

Which naturally resulted in Zhongli extracting a promise from you to never go to dangerous places without him, ever again. And he was so earnest and so seriously worried about it that your grin slid off your face and you gave him your word.

Which then resulted in you feeling slightly off kilter about it. The thing is you never thought that Zhongli would care for you this much, for all of the fucking and the tender moments between you two, you’ve always believed that there was a line somewhere.

A line that dictated the end of his care for you and the beginning of his indifference. It wasn’t that you didn’t believe he wanted to stay by your side, it was just that you’ve always thought he meant it figuratively like he wanted to be kept up-to-date with you when your curse is finally lifted.

Because the thought of Zhongli, coming along with your adventures, travelling with you leaves you just slightly, very slightly, perplexingly happy. It makes you grab his hand and intertwine it together, and Zhongli doesn’t mind, doesn’t care for this display of affection and instead encourages it.

He squeezes your hand twice, and gives you a smile that assures you that you are wanted. A part of you dares to hope that you’d find your home in this place, here with Zhongli and if not, you’re content with him being a place you can return to, a place of reprieve from the life of a traveler.

And this leads to your few friends addressing letters to Zhongli’s place, adventurers from around the world used as glorified messengers for your equally eccentric friends, sending packages or cases in your way. Sometimes, asking for advice or a consultation but more often than not, a mere teasing letter inquiring about your daily life and the new found changes they’ve seen.

“It’s nice,” You told Zhongli, in the middle of reading one of your letters, “having this regular contact with them.”

You don’t notice the way Zhongli pauses in his cooking, just to look at you and your soft fragile smile.

“You can tell them to send their letters here, and I can always go deliver them to you” He offered.

You laughed, thinking that he didn’t mean it but nonetheless happy with his kindness, “If you keep doing stuff like that, you might just make an honest woman out of me!”

And Zhongli says nothing beyond a smile, and you let the moment pass. Willing your heart to calm down and not letting yourself hope for too much, you continued to read your letters even though your mind often drifts off to Zhongli’s “offer”.

Later that night, as you laid in his arms, you began to wonder if the two of you had blurred the lines of friendship and something more.

4.

Sex with Zhongli was always fun and just as exciting as the first time you did it with him. As you haven’t found a cure to your curse yet nor an alternative that didn’t involve an adepti, you felt indebted to Zhongli’s generosity on being your life support for an indefinite period of time.

It meant that sometimes when Zhongli did something that only lovers would, you were content to let it pass. Considering how much of his essence you needed, you were willing to let him enjoy you however he wanted.

It meant that on certain occasions where Zhongli’s libido was unbelievably high, you’d let yourself be led to a secluded to corner of a mountain, a road, or even Liyue’s backstreets to have your panties pushed to the side and be fucked by his thick cock.

You’ve learned how to muffle your moans as his cock relentlessly thrusted into your pussy, hands deftly freeing your breasts from its confines and playing with it. Squeezing and pulling and pushing it until it felt overly stimulated from the attention. Your body learned how to arch itself in the right way, ensuring that his cock repeatedly slammed its head into your g-spot.

The only change between then and now was that Zhongli had gained a preference on muffling your moans with his mouth, kissing you fervently as you milked his cock with your pussy. His kisses was intense, it made your knees weak and felt too intimate between two people fucking for necessity. Which often led to the two of you kissing for a long period of time, even when Zhongli rubs your pussy through the fabric of your panties or simply because he felt like it.

Zhongli was an excellent kisser, that much you could tell from the steadily growing frequency of him simply kissing you, without it leading to sex or having your pussy eaten out. And maybe you were biased with your opinion considering you’ve never kissed anyone other than Zhongli but you were quite sure that he gave the best kisses.

This thought only became more prevalent with each lingering kiss he gave you, the warmth that left your lips tingling. It made you want for something you don’t quite understand or dare to understand. Zhongli made your knees weak, he made you want things you’ve previously given up on, he made you want for a home you could return to.

Zhongli was changing you into someone you weren’t quite sure you truly welcomed and yet you couldn’t help but want and want. Selfishly wanting to tie him to you, to tie yourself to him.

“Zhongli?” Your voice trembled, soft and scared.

Even so in your eyes, he remained smiling, calm and patient as he gently took strands of your hair and kissed its tip.

“It’s fine, I can wait.”

You closed your eyes and bowed your head. The sound of his footsteps gently fading away as he walked away made you feel relieved and aching at the same time.

5.

Despite sleeping separately for the first time since you were cursed, Zhongli’s affection for you didn’t change. Except that he no longer gave you kisses outside of foreplay or sex even still his affectionate looks and smile remained.

It left you disappointed and yet a clarity of mind and heart.

Ultimately, you understood that Zhongli was doing this to give you space, a breather to allow you to make your decision without any bias or undue influence. This allowed you to realize that you had been deceiving yourself for a while now.

Even so you still didn’t want to voice it. You couldn’t even dare to speak of it in the privacy of your mind. So you did what you always did when everything felt constricting. You ran away.

The benefits from being a mage was that you could use the teleportation devices scattered throughout Teyvat. Which meant that it was quite easy for you to slip in and out of 7 nations without anyone knowing. So it was really quite easy for you to get out of Liyue Harbor, use the device in Mt. Tianheng and go to Snezhnaya.

The surprise and alarmed look of Tartaglia was enough to quell your nerves.

--

You raise a bottle of your finest fire water and said, “Let’s drink!”

2 bottles later and you’ve unloaded everything between you and Zhongli to Tartaglia. You sat across from him, legs spread and stretched out while his fireplace blazes on the side and engulfing both of you in warm orange light.

“So you’re in love” He smirks, amused and equally drunk, comfortably leaning in the plush seat of his tufted back armchair.

“I am not” You denied, sinking further into your seat and ignoring Tartaglia’s loud and uninhibited laughter.

“I just like the no strings attached sex and affection” You clarified, “You’ve known about me for a long time, I don’t do well in long relationships.”

Tartaglia takes a swig of his own bottle of firewater, “You do, we’ve been friends for a long time” He smiles at you “you’re just afraid of commitment.”

You look at him, face blank but eyes showing your reluctant agreement and Tartaglia leans towards you, “You’re afraid aren’t you, of what Zhongli would do in the future, about you, me, the Abyss and everything it entails, and Celestia.”

“Maybe.”

“You were never one to let your fears rule you” His voice becomes soft, the unspoken affection bleeding through his words, “so what exactly are you afraid of losing once you acknowledge it?”

“I hate it when you aren’t sticking to your ‘only cares about a good fight’ persona” You groaned out, sitting up straight “you’re lucky I see you as family or I’d curse you right now.”

Tartaglia laughs and ruffles your hair, “Go to sleep and then return to him tomorrow.”

He gets up and makes his way to his bedroom, before he could leave the room you spoke, “Thank you.”

From behind you, Tartaglia smiled and said nothing as he continued on his way. There were some things that no longer needed to be said between two friends.

--

You sat on the edge of the cliff in Mt. Tianheng, watching the sunrise as Liyue Harbor slowly comes to life. You weren’t quite ready to face Zhongli yet.

You wanted to steel your nerves, calm your heart and properly arrange your words. Despite the carefree nature you showed, when it came to the matters of the heart, you always treaded carefully. Gone were the days you fell in love recklessly, accidentally and unknowingly hurting others and being hurt in return.

You wanted to face Zhongli, sincerely, to give him the utmost consideration for all that he had done for your sake. You wanted to make sure, to truly ascertain that what you felt was real and not a mere byproduct of the curse you had been saddled with. Zhongli deserved to be loved for who he was, as he is, and not what he gave up for you. To love him out of gratitude was to trample upon his sincerity, and you didn’t want that.

So you stalled, you waited, you didn’t rush. You simply and slowly worked out what you truly thought, what you felt. By the time the sun was high up in the sky, you stood up and patted your clothes. You slowly made your way down, entering Liyue Harbor, greeting the merchants and the townsfolk that knew you.

Each step that you took made you nervous, despite that you continued to make preparations, you pre-ordered a take out from Wanmin Restaurant, buying Zhongli’s favorite dish, Crystal Shrimp, and Universal Peace.

“I guess, Mr. Zhongli isn’t going to be Liyue’s most desired bachelor anymore?” Chef Mao joked.

You blinked and then laugh softly, “Was it that obvious?”

Chef Mao smiled, fatherly and nostalgic, and then he spoke to you with a wiseness that only came from suffering the vicissitudes of life, “There are things that can’t be concealed easily, one is indifference and the other love.”

Surprised, you stared at Chef Mao who only laughed boisterously, and with his fatherly tone added, “I’m not blind, and I was young once! I can tell if a man is interested or not.”

With a wink, Chef Mao waved you away and you shook your head in amusement as you walked away after paying in full. You slowly made your way to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, taking in the sight of Liyue Harbor in its busiest time of the day.

And as you neared the bridge in front of the parlor, you saw him. Walking slowly over the bridge, a rain of red maple leaves fell as he passed, you slowly halted and stared at him.

Thump thump

Your eyes met his and your heart that was moved by him, began to beat just a little bit faster. You smiled, gentle and soft, filled with unabashed adoration for him and slightly ran towards him. Zhongli smiled at you, eyes reflecting the deep emotions that he had for you.

Time slowed down and ran fast.

“I’m home” You told him as you hugged him and buried your face to his chest.

His arms gently and tightly wrapped around you, “Welcome back”.

There were still things that needed to be said, confessions to be made but for now the two of you didn’t need to do that yet. Not when both of you had finally reached the same place, hearts beating in sync.

+1

“Hey,” You called out to Zhongli “Do you remember the temple that got me cursed?”

“Of course” Zhongli replied, face stern and serious as he remembered that disastrous day.

“Well, I finally found out the story behind it” You revealed as you comforted him, hand gently patting his.

Zhongli relaxed, tense frame slumping a bit in the privacy of his shared home with you. He pulled you into his lap, embracing you and softly asked, “tell me?”

You hummed and began your tale,

“There used to be an immortal, a scrap collector, who was Heaven’s beloved official, and” You paused dramatically “there was a ghost king, a great calamity that the heavenly officials feared. The scrap immortal had the world’s terrible luck, he would experience all sorts of misfortune and tragedy while the ghost king had the world’s best luck, he would never lose a gamble nor a bet.”

You looked at Zhongli, teasing and eyes twinkling, “And these two unlikely beings were each other’s dao partner.”

Zhongli choked, “My dear…”

You laughed and laughed, “surprised? I was too! Ah~ Zhongli that temple was the one the ghost king, Hua Cheng, the Xuè Yǔ Tàn Huā built for his beloved, his highness Xiè Lián. It was the only surviving relic of the place where the infamous Ghost City was located.”

Zhongli blinked, “Then we entered the Ghost Realm?”

You nodded, “Yeah, we ended up triggering an old protection array. I ended up being the receiver of the curse since I was careless when I was fighting, I damaged the statue of his highness and the ghost king punished me for it.”

Seeing Zhongli frowning, you hurriedly appeased him, “Don’t worry! Those two have been gone for a long time now! What was left in there was just a particularly powerful emotion powered curse! So don’t go fighting with them!”

Zhongli sighed, but the frown on his face didn’t go away, “Then your curse?”

“With or without your cum, The curse would have eventually faded away.”

You laughed at his blushing face and decided to reveal one more thing, “Zhongli~ Did you know that when gambling with the ghost king, the only way to get what you want was to pass a test?”

Forehead to forehead, you stared into his eyes, through his heart and to his soul, voice filled with wonder and love, “If you can move his highness, Xiè Lián’s heart with pity, the Ghost King would give you what you want even if you had lost the debt.”

“I-”

You cut Zhongli off with a gentle kiss, and then said, “That day, I heard your prayers, and begged them to let you go. To let me suffer the curse alone, to let me suffer the unbearable pain. Because I couldn’t bear to have you suffer the consequences of my actions.”

“I can suffer any humiliation but my heart can’t bear the thought of you being humiliated” You told him, this secret of yours, the one you kept close to your heart.

--

You didn’t know when you began to fall for him, maybe it was when you had brazenly teased him, “Osmanthus wine, I’ll give this to you so don’t be a stick in the mud!”

Or maybe it was when he had asked, visibly worried, “Are you not afraid of being struck down like the sinners of Khaenri’ah?”

Or maybe it was when he had lowered himself to the ground and cried, “I just want to save her alone.”

There were so many moments that could have started it all but you knew when he had completely taken grasp of your heart.

“Please, let me walk by your side, protecting you and your belief.”

His words that day, fell into your heart like a rock that fell into a pond, creating ripples as it sank down on the bottom and stayed. He had, without you noticing, walked step by step into your heart, and made himself at home in there.

You would forever answer the calls of adventure, the never ending stories the world was waiting to tell you, but you also knew that you would always, without fail, return to Zhongli. To your home and one day you would settle your old bones with him, weathered hands holding each other, and greet each day side by side.

[fatehbaz]

Interspecies encounters, togetherness, irreducible strangeness when creatures meet, caring for “the multitude of life we cannot sense”:

Ada Smailbegović talks of starfish time (2015). Starfish may seem to be still, but longer attention, through time-lapse photography for example, shows them moving, changing. Smailbegović also talks of larval time, the time it takes for eggs to develop and hatch, a time that is a compound entity of other variables, longer in the cold, or sped up with increasing temperature. Larval time is the right time for eggs to hatch, a deeply relational and contingent time. As she points out, “many of the temporalities that are relevant for developing a politics of time in the Anthropocene – such as minute and incrementally accumulating processes of change, or the long duration of geological time, rock time, or the temporal rhythms of non-human organisms – are beyond the human sensorium” (2015: 97). [...] For by attending to more-than-human agencies of time and weather, diverse multiplicities emerge even as they are beyond human understanding. This is the seasonal time of clouds gathering. It is also the time of hydrological cycles, of water moving through aquifers for thousands of years, of transpiration and growth. And short spirals, of the flash of lightning, claps of thunder, of traveling sound and light. Then there are beings that experience hundreds, thousands of generations within a human lifetime. For such beings, the memories, learnings and modes of passing on experience are, it almost goes without saying (yet it must be said as it is so often not), radically different from any human’s in terms of the ways they experience change. The immensity of the alterity is, literally, incomprehensible to humans. We can’t know how and what these beings know. But we can be aware that they have knowledges and experiences beyond us. For many people, coming from different cultural and ontological positions, not knowing does not mean not connecting or not respecting. For it would seem that there are things that humans cannot and should not know. We don’t need to know what starfish know. But we should know they live and experience and think beyond us. We should seek respect and be aware of how our lives are entangled [...]. It is not abstract, or empty.

(Source: Bawaka Country including, S. Wright, S. Suchet-Pearson, K. Lloyd, L. Burarrwanga, R. Ganambarr, M. Ganambarr-Stubbs, B. Ganambarr, D. Maymuru. “Gathering of the Clouds: Attending to Indigenous understandings of time and climate through songspirals.” Geoforum. January 2020.)

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We can now turn to abundant evidence that nonhuman creatures matter politically, ethically, and that they pulse with world-making vitality. [...] Studies of microbes have charted the importance of alienness and difference in processes of becoming. Helmreich’s study of microbial oceanography suggests that “the lowly microbe constitutes a force of leviathan significance” for life, but also witnesses the sense of alterity that this vast cosmos of microorganisms in the sea evokes in humans. […]. Taken together, such studies shift agency away from the bounded figure of the human and underline the indifference of the many inhuman forced folded within us. Attending to microbial life also points us to animal others that […] we do not (like to) see or touch. […] We are more intimately familiar with them than we like, but at the same time they remain alien to us, catching us in what Hugh Raffles describes as the “nightmare of knowing and the nightmare of nonrecognition.” This opens up space for friction, conflict, and misrecognition within togetherness […]. For every meeting between creatures involves an irreducible strangeness, and something singular, irreducible and vast behind each relation. […] There is a distance between beings when they meet, a multitude of life beyond sense and matter, and flourishing and togetherness emerge from this “virtual ecology.”

(Source: Maan Barua, Uli Beisel, Franklin Ginn. “Flourishing with Awkward Creatures: Togetherness, Vulnerability, Killing.” 2014.)

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Such otherness can be seen in work concerned with dimensions of human–animal conflict which is full of depictions of strange, disturbing, fraught, chance, and violent encounters. Whether the challenges of coexisting with coyotes or cougars in North America [...], the growing presence of Macaques in the borderlands of Singapore [...], shark catch and kill policies in Australia [...], or the verminization of rats in urban areas [...], notions of encounter are central to accounts where non-human animals are somehow rendered out of place or too close for comfort [...]. Many examples of human–animal encounters are about the breach of spatial and regulatory boundaries – home spaces, urban borderlands, safe swim zones, and so on – but the distinctions of human/animal, society/nature, urban/rural, domestic/wild that are central to these renderings are a reminder of the colonial knowledge-practices that continue to define humanity on the basis of the separation between humans and animal [...]. A concern with the dangers of one-sided accounts in the context of unequal relations is one that has been central to multispecies work, which has raised challenging questions about voice, interpretation, and decipherability [...]. An encounter is an event of relation – it is about two beings or things that are momentarily held together. Encounters make (a) difference [...] and are often experienced as something that disrupts, unsettles, or surprises in ways that can be as affirmative as they can be violent. [...] [W]hilst encounters can highlight distinctions, and thus forms of separation or psychological and cultural distance, it is important to emphasize that they are also events of relation. The experiences of shock, surprise, and rupture that so often accompany accounts of human–animal encounters are evidence of a moment in which something is destabilized or unexpectedly broken open; a moment in which borders are shifted, exposed, crossed, made, unmade, and undermined [...]. Encounters, then, do not simply take place at the border, and are not simply about existing borders, but are rather central to their making and unmaking [...].

(Source: Helen F. Wilson. “Contact zones: Multispecies scholarship through Imperial Eyes.” Environment and Planning. July 2019.)

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Slugs, like other often uncomfortable companions such as microbes [...], bees [...], cougars [...], test our resolve to live ‘convivially’ with non-humans [...]. Yet live we must, for the lives of humans and slugs are stuck together. Composition is the work of building a common world [...]. It is, simply put, how things come to stick together. [...] [A]gents and materials are never distributed in time or space according to [...] the authorities of Modernism [...]. In this the composers are certainly not all human [...]. [In some cases] the stickiness of composition leaves a residue that echoes through time, as narrated by [gardeners] shifting their sense of what is possible and good in their gardens after an intense connection reaction to slug death. [...] [E]very [interspecies] meeting in fact reminds us that the being we meet is and always shall be strange to us [...]. [E]verything is not just related, but also that there is something singular, irreducible and vast behind each relation. When beings meet there is a distance between, such that in encountering the slug we also encounter something beyond the slug -- a multitude of life we cannot sense. The ethic that emerges from this space ‘between relation’ is, as Yusoff puts it, part of a ‘virtual ecology’ that exceeds encounters with matter. So despite shared histories and the close proximity in which slugs and gardeners live, the slug retains a certain darkness as a creature apart; something is held in reserve [...]. And so fleeting awareness of the irretrievability of the lives of others intensifies poignancy, such that despite a gulf separating the gardener from other creatures, some connection, however, fleeting, is made to something -- however strange. Refusing to dismiss the everyday and the banal is an ethical response. [...] Slugs are there: sliming, chomping, and oozing around quietly and that should be enough to give them consideration.

(Source: Franklin Ginn. “Sticky lives: Slugs, detachment and more-than-human ethics in the garden.” Transactions of the Institute of British Geographers. 2013.)

[wangshuus]

delicacy | diluc ragnvindr

pairing: yan!diluc ragnvindr/gn!reader

genre: psychological

cw: unhealthy relationship, mentions of forced marriage, ooc diluc (lol)

wc: 2.6k

summary: to diluc, you are a delicacy that he wishes to savour.

note: i’m sorry in advance my dear readers this is absolute dog water ajfhaiufhfui. this was just an experiment since i don’t think i’ve written a decent yandere ever and this kinda proves it but it’s ok i’ll get there one day. just take my ooc diluc. yes, i know i screwed up real bad on this one but let's just say i loosened a few screw for the sake of the plot,,,yeah,,,i’ll probably need to proof read this again too but its ok ahhhhh.

“It’s useless to keep tugging at those binds. You know they won’t come off unless I take them off myself. Now, be good and sit still.” You heard a familiar voice. 

It was once a voice that you were delighted to hear but now the very mention of the owner sent a wave of striking cold upon your body, ironic considering who it was. You had no idea where you were, what day it was, or what time it was. You were completely clueless, being stuck in a dark room with nothing but a bed in which you’ve been bound by the headboard. The room was concerningly chilly, the air in the room being crisp, cold and suffocating. The figure in the room made their way to the edge of the bed next to sit next to you. You felt a gloved hand place itself upon your cheek. It was so warm you almost wanted to lean into it but you refused to find comfort in the touch of your detainer.

You were but a simple bartender, loyal to working at the famous Angel’s Share in Mondstadt. You previously resided in Springvale with your parents but moved to the city due to your job. Your family lived a happy little life, not drowning in riches but being comfortable enough to sustain a plausible living. In your head, you were so painfully boring; so here lies the question, how exactly did you get into this situation? Not even you knew the answer but one thing that you could make sense of in the whole ordeal was that the main that stood in front of you was mad.

Diluc Ragnvindr has many titles ranging from the renowned owner of the Dawn Winery to one of Mondstadt’s most esteemed bachelors. He claimed such a high and mighty reputation that no one would’ve guessed the devious intents hidden in the back of his head. Yes, you were a mere bartender that worked under him at his own tavern but ever since you were hired, he felt something stirring up within him. Now you see, Diluc wasn’t someone that you would find chasing after anyone in fact, he’s never chased after anyone at all until he met you. He was confused at first why he started feeling the way that he did when you were around, unfamiliar emotions began to bubble inside of him.

You were just so easy to talk to, so charming, so comforting, a breath of fresh air to him, truly. At first, he assumed it would be nothing but a short lived infatuation, expecting for his feeling to dissipate like a dying flame in a matter of time but this flame only burned bigger, brighter, and belligerent as the days passed. Diluc wasn’t exactly sure how his feelings came to be. Perhaps it was due to the loss, betrayal and tragedy that stained his past. Maybe it was his longing to be loved again, to hold someone close and never let go, or to have someone hold him and allow him to bask in the feeling of being lovingly embraced-- which was a feeling that became painfully foreign to him.

It had been so long since he found comfort in anything or anyone, becoming accustomed to being isolated, building up walls to keep everyone out and away. He had no one left to care for and presumably no one left to care for him, making the pyro wielder take on such an aloof personality. After his whole ordeal, he was never truly the same, so to see him look genuinely pleased by someone was such a shock to the public eye. Of course, you had come to enjoy Diluc’s presence as he stopped by the tavern fairly often to check up on the flow of business and you had the chance to talk to him during his visits. You had heard from others that the young man was awfully reserved and indifferent towards any subject matter but he was seemingly interested in any conversation between the two of you, even partaking in the act of idle-chit chat as a means to continue talking to you. Anything for you.

He was greatly enamoured by you; everything about you. He’s taken every second he could to observe you and your nature, falling in love with the little things about you from the way you brightened up the room with your cheerful demeanour, the way you gracefully made your way across the tavern during, the way your eyes twinkled when you were talking about him about something you loved--archons the way he wished for you to only look at him with those eyes full of an enthusiastic sparkle. He wanted that; and he wanted it all for himself. Once he realized this was the case, he went through a spiralling hole of madness. He found himself being obsessive with looking out for you, going above and beyond by following you in the shadows every chance he could get, his self control on his possessiveness running as thin as a strand of hair. 

Diluc was scary to say the least. His ability to deceive people into thinking he was still the reserved yet distinguished gentleman while he was falling into a pit of insanity was nothing short of terrifying. He remained unsuspecting and planned to keep it that way, deeming himself capable of being able to resist his maniacal urges. All until one conversation between the two. You had mentioned that your family had begun to run into a few financial problems, becoming entangled in a circle of debt. You had concluded that though you loved what you were doing, it couldn’t have been enough to support your situation so you had conversed with Diluc about going to Liyue to find extra work. All you knew was that there was a high chance you couldn’t stay grounded at the tavern forever, even rejecting Diluc’s offer of a raise, deeming that you didn’t deserve it and did not wish to trouble him. You saw this as a good opportunity to explore beyond the land of the wind that you had ironically been grounded at your entire life. 

Oh no no no, this couldn’t happen. He wouldn’t allow it to happen. And that’s when he snapped. 

Diluc’s mind worked quickly as he devised a dubious plan to keep you grounded. He knew what you were like; he knew you would be stubborn and go. He saw that shine of determination in your eyes when you mentioned your plans of fleeing Mondstadt, the same shine that he wanted to capture and keep for himself and oh boy, he was gonna have it. The next time you saw him, he had personally invited you to a party that he said he was hosting. You found it quite surprising since it was a rarity for him to ever host a party considering his nature but you accepted nonetheless. You trusted Diluc enough and besides, who would deny an invitation from someone like him. Little did you know, this was quite possibly one of the worst decisions you’ve made in your entire life.

“Dear, you’re spacing out again.” He spoke, a foreign tone that sounded so sickly sweet to a point where you wanted to hurl. 

“Please don’t address me as such. You’re twisted for doing this. What do you even want from me? Huh? I can’t offer you anything so this is nothing but a waste of time.” You spat at him, harshly pulling your cheek away from his grasp. 

“Your presence alone is enough to satisfy me. Also, I’d appreciate it if you stopped acting disobedient before I really lose my patience. I’ve been so patient with you, do you know that? I’ve been waiting for ages to have you all to myself like this but…” He paused for a moment.

“I was far too nice and considerate of your freedom. To think I’d let you leave just like that is absurd. That’s exactly why you’re here. I’d like to apologize in advance for tricking you into thinking there was an actual party, especially since you got all dressed up for me tonight but I believe this is quite the positive thing because now I’m the only one that gets to see you like this” He said as he gently lifted up a piece of fabric from your clothing.

“You wore the clothing I had custom made for you. I knew you would look ravishing in it. You’re my pretty little doll, aren’t you dear?” He said as he brought a piece up to his lips as they gently graced the smooth satin of your outfit. 

A strange package had made its way to your doorstep days before this treacherous evening. When opening it up, it was revealed to be a black and red outfit made of what felt like to be the finest fabrics and silk you’ve ever seen. The first time you tried it on, you felt ecstatic with being gifted to you, blushing to yourself over the fact that Diluc had gone out of his way to get you something this stunning. Now, you wanted nothing more than to rip the thing off your body and run away from the damned place you were held captive but you knew it was no use at this point. Your body shivered at the coldness of the room as it felt like the sheer cold was steadily increasing.

“You’re shivering. You’re cold aren’t you?” Diluc said, having the audacity to chuckle at your pathetic state. You stayed quiet, not wanting to admit or give into anything.

“No response? Oh well, it’ll only be a matter of time until the possibility of freezing to death becomes exceptionally high. I’d rather not have that happen so I’ll do you a favour since you happen to be a little shy isn’t that right? You don’t need to be shy with me. Come here.” He says as he draws closer to you. Your chains rattled while you attempted to put as much distance as you could between you two but it was no use. He swiftly wrapped his arms around you, one hand wrapped around your waist, the other at the back of your head, pulling you into the crook of his neck. Your hands pushed against his chest in a poor attempt to put as much distance between you and him but in the end, you couldn't bring yourself to. The coldness of the room significantly weakened you although it ceased when he held you, his body warmth being enough for him and yourself as well. You cursed the pyro wielder and his antics. He knew that you’d be freezing, seeing this as the perfect opportunity to get closer to you. Your arms fell back on to you sides 

“There you go, all relaxed now. See, nice and warm.” He cooed while stroking the back of your head lovingly. Although you were physically warm now, you still felt a shiver run down your spine at the touch of the pyro user.

“You’re sensitive to touch, how cute.” He stated before pulling away to look you in the eyes, the edges of his lips slightly upturned.

“On another note, I have some news to share with you.” He spoke out. Your eyebrows furrowed at the mention of more news, thinking there is no possible way that anything could get any worse; unfortunately, you were dead wrong.

“You see, I had the chance to speak with your parents the other day in regards to your financial situation. I explained to them that I was more than willing to help them but they became quite stubborn after I introduced my offer. I see where you get your stubbornness from now.” He sighed.

Your eyes widened, fear, anger and concern mixing in your (e/c) orbs. 

“Diluc, I swear to the archons what did you--.” He brought a finger up to your lips to hush you from your growing concern. 

“Hush now, there’s no need to get riled up, I’m not finished. Now quiet down and listen to me.” He stated.

“It was quite a simple offer I gave them, really. I would be a financial aid all in exchange for your hand in marriage. They started to get all defensive, claiming that they’d never marry off their child. They were oh so protective over you, but they could never come close to comparing to me.”

Dread and horror filled your eyes as you were rendered speechless, waves of unpleasant emotions washing over you like a tidal wave. 

“You see, it definitely took a lot of work to get where we are now, but you need not to worry, dear. They will not be of any concern to us anymore.” He said as a smile graced his features. You would’ve considered him to be handsome in the moment but the smile he held was so deranged that it was appalling. 

Tears welled up in your eyes, too afraid to even ask what happened to them or what became of them. You knew the situation; you knew the power that Diluc held. He was well aware of his looming power of you and he used it and abused it. It didn’t take very long for your tears to start streaming from your eyes as you began to sob, tears spilling onto your lap. Diluc cupped your face as he brushed away the oncoming tears that continued to overflow. 

“Shhh, don’t cry my dear, this news is excellent. I couldn't even fathom you getting hurt or even leaving me but I don’t have to worry now do I? Because you’re going to be all mine.” He said before forcibly kissing your tear-stained cheeks. 

You felt absolutely disgusting and embarrassed over the lips that graced your skin, having someone as unhinged and deranged as him seeing you in such a vulnerable and helpless state. 

“You know, I’ve had my fair share of people both leave and betray me.They’ve left me alone in this world but none of it matters now that I have you here. You’re the most divine person I’ve come across. So lovely, so warm, and so bright, like the rays of sunlight. I want to bask in your presence and now, I can for however long I’d like. I refuse to lose anyone else, especially not you and now this time, I know I won’t. If your freedom has to be sacrificed in order for you to stay alive, so be it. I’ll choose you the finest white attire for our special day. You’ll be me precious darling for the rest of your days. Doesn’t that sound lovely, dear?” You remained unresponsive.

One of his hands slipped past the fabric of your clothing as his gloved fingertips lightly pressed onto the bare small of your back, earning a yelp from you.

“I said doesn’t that sound lovely? Respond when spoken to. I want to hear your voice.” He said sternly. You managed to mumble out a small yes in return.

“That’s my good little darling.” He spoke before before he pulled you in for a kiss. You refused to return the action and it certainly didn’t go over his head. The hand that rested on the small of your back began to get hotter, feeling as if it was searing your skin, earning a shriek and a cry from you, allowing him to deepen his passion filled kiss, smirking at the way you’ve decided to submit yourself to him while his own lips remained locked with your own.

The land of Mondstadt was said to be the land of freedom and yet here you were, your fate bound and chained by the insanity disguised as love by Diluc Ragnvindr. You were a delicacy to him, and he’d be sure to savour every last bit of you. 

[simeonisalesbian]

Ever wondered what domestic life would be with the ladies? 🤔 Like MC and their s/o get their own place for privacy, that gay thoughts been living in my head rent free 😖

Anon you found my weak spot 🥺 I've always been a sucker for cute domestic gay shit.

Lucifer:

Getting away from her sister's actually lifted so much stress of her shoulders

She was a bit nervous moving in with you honestly. Not that she'd show it.

Without her sisters continously causing mischief or pranking her office constantly She found she actually had a good amount of free time on her hands.

That free time went towards you of course

Slow dancing around the house as one of Lucifer's records play throughout the house is an common occurrence

She will always make sure to give you a kiss with a quick "I love you" before either of you leave the house. Even if it is to just take Cerberus on a short walk.

Whenever she comes home from a long meeting at RAD she'll lay down on the couch with her head in your lap ranting about everything that went wrong.

Even if you were there she just finds it nice to rant to you. She trusts you after all.

Mammon:

Mammon is so very excited to get your own place together

No sisters to nag on her every move? Helllll yesss

She gets to spend time alone with you whenever she wants? If you told her she was back in heaven she'd totally believe you.

she will constantly bring home various objects for decoration saying "it reminded me of ya!"

Minimalism is for boring rich people anyway.

as much as she talks, she does really cherish the moments where your both just sitting quietly in each other's presence doing your own things

Occasionally she'll just look up at stare at you during these moments with a sappy smile at her face.

If you ask her what's up she'll just say "I really love you ya kno?" Before going back to what she was doing before. Her "cool" facade being forgotten knowing it's just you two around

Leviathan:

She was really concerned that you'd changed your mind midway when moving all her figurines to your new place

Living alone with you just really seems too good to be true. Just keep reassuring and she'll stop doubting your love eventually.

Henry 2.0 has his own room with all of Levi's gaming and streaming equipment. Her figurines are also near Henry's tank because Levi is "afraid he'll get lonely in his own room"

She still doesn't leave the house much since she can still do most everything online but she has a whole house now instead of just her own room. Which is nice

Whenever you pop in while she's streaming she'll smile at you before asking if you want to say hi to her viewers.

If you do you should give her a quick kiss on camera before leaving her a blushing smiling mess.

If not she'll nod and turn to the camera saying she'll be right back before going to see what you wanted.

Late night anime marathons until one or both of you pass out on the couch.

You wake up with your limbs entangled with hers. She'll wake up not soon after she feels you stirring. She'll smile sleepily saying "Mornin normie. Lov u"

It will take a bit before either of you to realize it wasn't even morning and both of you slept past noon.

Satan:

Living alone with you means she can finally have her own cats.

The first cat, the both of you adopt together. afterwards it's fair game though.

She'll often come home with a stray cat she found always giving an excuse like "it was hurt see?" Or "They looked so cold MC. I'm the avatar of wrath but I'm not heartless."

She knows she can't keep every cat she comes across and does promise to look for good homes for some of the strays.

the two of you also invest in plenty of book shelves to prevent any walking hazards throughout the house. Of course with the cats though there are still plenty of those.

You've already tripped over a cat several times. Whenever Satan is nearby though she always makes sure to catch you. She'll laugh before asking "are you falling for me again MC?" Before giving you a kiss.

She will always bring a book to bed and will happily read aloud to you to help lull you to sleep.

Asmodeus:

she is absolutely thrilled to have a place on to yourselves

Oh all the things you could do without her pesky sisters around😘 (only if you consent of course)

the bathroom is arguably on of the biggest rooms and is filled to the brim with various beauty supplies.

The bathtub alone looks about the size of a small pool, which asmo argues is entirely necessary. You're pretty sure she just wants and excuse to bathe with you more often than not

Whenever she comes home from shopping, wether you joined her or not, She insists on having a little fashion show.

wether it's you wearing the outfit or her it always ends the same where you both collapse on the bed giggling at the silliest photos she took. (and will keep for herself instead of posting)

She'll cuddle into you before saying "I love you to the moon and back MC. You're the best."

Beelzebub:

her first concern is how the both of you are going to afford all the food she eats. She's really afraid she's gonna bankrupt you.

After this is resolved tho she settles into domestic life with you very easily.

She'll always try to include you in her workouts if you want. Anything from letting you sit on her back while she does push ups to guiding you through various exercises you can do yourself

she also likes going on morning jogs with you. She always goes slower than she'd go on her own but she wants to make sure you can keep up.

The both of you always make meals together. Though it's mostly you cooking and Beel taste testing.

Once you point out she's "tasted" half of the meal she'll apologise keep her hands busy by hugging you from behind and her mouth will be busy giving you kisses on the top of your head.

She'll always compliment your cooking following the statement with a "I love you so much."

Belphegor:

she acts pretty indifferent to moving in with you but really she's pretty nervous

she always roomed with her twin except for when she was stuck in the attic. So such a big change scares her more than she'll ever admit.

she settles down soon enough. She still talks to beel almost daily and she's become pretty confident that you won't leave her all alone.

even though the house has ceiling lights, she never turns them on preferring to turn on lamps or the fairy lights.

she'll also hiss and throw her pillow at you if you turn on one while she's in the room yelling at you to turn it off.

she does sleep most of the time still but you've figured out quickly enough that she's very ticklish

so anytime she's refusing to wake you quickly run your fingers over her sides gaining high pitched squeals of laughter. This of course leads to an all tickle war.

It always ends with the two of you out of breath still giggling a bit when Belphie shakes her head staring at you like you hung the stars saying "you're lucky love you." Before hugging you close for another nap.

[washiseverything]

This was first posted on my wattpad account under the same handler. I’ll be transferring my favorite pieces to tumblr.

—

Pairing

Kim Hongjoong x Fem! Reader

—

Trigger warning

Break up sex

__

How did this relationship end up here?

You shivered from loneliness the cold bed gave as your partner was no where to be seen.  You were no longer worried about your boyfriend however, as this isn't the first time he put work above you. And to be quite frank, you were over it.

You laid there on your phone,scrolling through various media platforms,liking and commenting where you deem fit. But a particular post caused your mood to get even more sour.

It came from Hongjoong's personal account and it stated that he was releasing a new song featuring the 3racha,later this week. You scoffed as you continued to the comments. They radiated all good and sweet vibes, with majority saying they couldn't wait for it to release.

As you continued with a scowl adored on your features,the hot topic arrived home with a heavy sigh and tired eyes. His red hair messy from the constant pulling of stress and his dark eye bags becoming more of a prominent feature now. He was excited to see you. And when he realized you weren't stationed in the living room and kitchen like you were accustomed to, he ventured to your shared bedroom.

He saw you and instantly and almost instinctively,he latched his arms around your tiny frame. "Goodnight!" Hongjoong beamed despite his tired features. "I hope I didn't worry you too much," continued the small time rapper who's trying to make it big in the world. To support himself and you along with the family he hopes to share with you one day in the future.

In response to his sweet aura, you added your sour flavor to the mix. You hummed and shrugged in response to his question. Hongjoong released you from his embrace with a confused facial expression. "Are you okay? Is something bothering you?" He asked as he tried to look into your distant eyes.

You sighed heavily. You needed this off of your chest. All this frustration and lonely nights were really picking at you. You love Hongjoong. You know that but his actions is what you didn't favor what so ever. "I'm tired," you started off slowly.

Hongjoong nodded before speaking,"Well,if that's the case,you can head to bed. I'll join you after I-"

"I'm tired of you leaving me for your work,Hongjoong. I'm tired of all these lonely nights. I want you back,I require your love and attention," you cut Hongjoong's statement midway.

He seemed a bit stunned at your sudden confession and seemed to be having trouble formulating his response for you. "I'm sorry I made you feel this way, but you have to understand being in the music industry isn't easy and really time consuming. I told you this before,yes?"

"Then leave," you said calmly. Finally staring in the brown orbs of the older male. He was taken back by your responses tonight.

He tried to crack a smile before speaking to you,"Y/N,you're being irrational here. I think we should just head to bed and call it a night,"

You scoffed at Hongjoong. His response was not what you were looking for. "Did you even hear me before,Hongjoong? I miss how we were when we first started dating. We were so close and always stuck with each other. But then after,I helped you promoting your music and you made it somewhat big in the world,you suddenly forget who put you there," your tone slightly rising as you started poking Hongjoong exclusively hard on his shoulder.

Hongjoong only bowed his head as he started to grow a bit angry at what you were saying. He understands why you are angry but you don't really expect him to give up on his dreams to pursue only you? You both can live in harmony if the efforts are put in on both sides of the relationship but you playing the victim card and saying that he only strived due to your promotions were greatly infuriating him.

"Hongjoong,let me be honest with you. I think we should just break from other," You stated as you started making yourself more comfortable under the padded sheets.

"Are you saying you want a break up?"

"You can call it that,"

Hongjoong's brows went from knitted together with anger to loose with regret and sadness. He was broken honestly. And all over his job.

"I won't allow you,Y/N," Hongjoong said with an obvious frown.

Though,it didn't seem like the right time he kissed you from the cheek first and he progressed onward with a heavy heart. From your cheeks to your lips.

You didn't react much. That was until you felt a burning liquid on your face. You pushed Hongjoong away and with this action to reveal his tears. His simple act of fright in fear of losing you caused you to feel much guilt.

You gripped his cheeks harshly to lock him in place as you dived back in to the kiss. Against his lips you muttered ever so softly,"It's not your fault,"

You spoke from your heart but not from your head. That told you something completely different.

Hongjoong immediately returned your act of love as he pulled you closer to his form. He rested you on his lap after much struggle with the sheets you were entangled with. His arms roamed your body from over your clothes to under as you pecked his exposed neck.

You still stood by your decision however about a break or leaving but seeing Hongjoong in such a state, had you filled with guilt.

Hongjoong's slight moaning to you nibbling against his sweet spot, had you feeling stuff you haven't in a while. He tugged at your shirt as a signal for it to be remove and easily you complied with such a request. The cold air brushed against your exposed skin causing it to harden. And in result causing Hongjoong's mouth to water hungrily.

He nibbled and sucked at your chest as your hand played with his hair. Music that he could never be able to make. His music didn't sound as good either. Your moans to him was the epitome of a perfect song.

This worked you up big time. Your breasts being a sensitive part of you. Hongjoong playing with and sucking on the said skin area made you succumb to his every command and need.

You grind against him for much needed friction. Your body shuddered at the slap he placed on your ass. "Don't leave me," he whispered as his face buried into your neck.

You only hummed as your hands traveled hastily to his body. Your actions being proved as greedy. You touched his shaft that was rock hard and your body thought it best to give a light squeeze. Hongjoong reacted as quickly to this. The moan leaving almost instantly.

"Don't tease me,please," he whimpered as he removed your arm.

He gently took you off of his lap as he gave more room for his shaft to breathe and you removed your garments at the sight of the view. After, you ran back to his lap once more. You gave yourself no prep tonight. You whispered a string of curse words under your breath as you rode Hongjoong.

He seemed a bit taken back at your high sex drive tonight and he surely wasn't in the mood of rough sex either. He tried his best to keep his strides slow and steady but you were demanding and insisted on having a rough time. This action caused both of you to be so out of sync with each other but you surely were enjoying it as the moans never stop leaving your lips. However,Hongjoong's frown never lifted and only small grunts left ever so often. He only wanted a passionate night with you, just this night. He didn't want sex. He wanted love.

You rode and rode,moaned and rode until your high came and gone. It was magical;you were seeing the stars! But Kim Hongjoong wasn't pleased. "Are you still staying with me? Is the break still mandatory for us to heal?" He asked so warily,so exhausted. So worried and concerned. He needed you.

You froze for a few seconds,only to give the answer that cracked the man's poor heart poor.

"Yes,I still think we need to work out our indifferences and think about what went wrong,"

[pathofcomet]

look at what you taught me

fandom: bridgerton series

pairing: colin/penelope

summary: Colin and Penelope have never been awkward with one another. Except for this one time.  (AO3) (book spoiler ahead)

In the beginning, when he travels, Colin can think of nothing else but the present moment: a ship under his feet, the lull of a carriage, the wide expanse of the world all around him. Whatever destination is coming next, if he is certain enough – if not, he’ll just make it up as he goes. The furious scribbling of his quill against paper, as he races to put down in words all his eyes take not but a second to admire. It feels like everything he never knew he wanted to do so desperately. It feels right.

Then, it becomes more difficult to return home, the more he travels. But soon enough, the travel starts to wear him down. He begins to look forward to when he’ll return home: despite his own mother’s incessant remarks, despite the brotherly arguments, despite having to see another sister married off. Even the most loving mamas trying to marry off their daughters to him seem somewhat adorable, if he is gone long enough. But the need to travel comes back, like an itch that won’t go away unless he scratches it away. He makes promises to his sisters – so that he can stay as much as possible, but he goes insane with anything more than a couple of months. He likes to believe that by now his family simply made peace with his many eccentricities, and simply paid the cook more when he was around.

He treasures the pockets of familiarity he gets when in London as much as the breathes of fresh air he gets when he’s away. He imagines he drives his mother wild, with all his coming and going across the continent. He knows what Lady Whistledown writes about him as well, and he’d strangle the woman himself, for alerting everyone of his return so punctually. Ambitious mamas are hard to fend off when you’re a young man, and it only gets worse the older he becomes, because the expectation of marriage dawns ever closer.

***

“You must agree, Colin,” his mother says, and at the mention of his name, he straightens in his chair, because it’s a terrible thing to be singled out in a conversation by Violet. “Penelope is quite an agreeable young lady.”

Colin agrees, both because he truly believes so, and because while his mother doesn’t need his confirmation, she’s kinder when she has it. Benedict, from the other side of the room, leans closer in his chair, so he can hear better whatever commentary their dear mother is about to impart with them.

“I dare say she’d make quite a suitable bride for you, really.”

All hell breaks loose. Benedict drops his foot to the floor with a loud thud, while Colin drops his sandwich, eliciting a swear for which he’s reprimanded by three of his sisters. And then.

“Mother!” Eloise shrieks, quite offended – which Colin finds surprising, considering that the two of them are best friends. “That is entirely too daring!”

Colin agrees, but he is too busy desperately trying to cough away the piece of sandwich stuck in his throat. Eloise, though still quite shocked, pushes her cup of tea in his hands, just to get him to make less noise. He downs it in one go, grateful to not have died of this particular cause. His heart, quite in override still, might provoke a heart attack soon enough if his mother does not change the subject.

“I believe you misremember your ABCs, dear mother,” he jests, because he does not want to take the idea seriously. “There’s one son for whom you haven’t found a bride quite yet.”

Benedict shifts in his seat, suddenly finding his newspaper way more interesting. But this time around, Violet doesn’t rise to the so delicious bait of teasing her second, not when her brain is so set on match-making her third.

“I don’t see why not. Isn’t she a friend to all of us?”

She stops, waits for a nod from each one of her children currently engaged in eaves-dropping on the topic.

“She’s polite, witty,” she continues listing reason after reason, all to which Colin is entirely familiar and now that he thinks about, has noticed himself, several times over, in Penelope. “And quite darling.”

He imagines darling is what girls who aren’t called beautiful get stuck with by kind mothers. He never actually stopped to even consider Penelope in any of these ways: she’s always been there, ever since he was in short pants – and that’s almost already half their lives. A fixed presence by the side of his younger sister, and a favourite of his mother, despite all the awkward wallflower tendencies in Penelope. But he doesn’t recall ever trying to pick apart her character, find her individual traits, even consider her as a… woman.

Colin is suddenly shamed by his wilful, manly indifference. Violet arches her eyebrow at him, clearly still expecting an answer.

“Mother,” he adds with a sigh. “I can promise you most certainly that I am not marrying any time soon.”

“One never knows,” she murmurs, though she allows him his momentary peace, and returns to her embroidery.

***

Only that his mother doesn’t stop with her comments, and they seem to grow in number each time she meets Penelope, which unfortunate for him, is often enough. The next morning, as she returns from shopping, she comments on how nice she looked in a dress of her own picking, and not her mother’s own distasteful choices. Each time any married sibling sends a letter, or comes visit, her efforts in getting Colin to marry are reinforced. She jabs at him with comments: morning, afternoon and evening.

And suddenly, Colin can find that there’s nothing else much that he can think about, but Penelope, and how exactly this insane idea came to live in his mother’s mind. So he starts paying attention.

He supposes parties would be generally more enjoyable if he didn’t have to attend them with his family, as much as he loves them. He can physically feel Violet’s eyes drawing across the room, and then settling, decisively, on his back, a list of eligible ladies for marriage already compiled in her mind, alongside one for dancing partners. Colin can already guess what her mother is about to tell him.

And he is right. She pokes at his elbow with her fan, nodding to the edge of the ballroom, where Penelope Featheringston stands, card empty and looking like she’d rather be anywhere else but here. Well, at least they do have that in common.

“Colin, darling,” and really, that’s all that Mrs. Bridgerton has to say to any of her children for them to do her bidding.

He makes his way across the room, trying his best to avoid getting roped into introductions by mothers or old friends alike. The faster he’s getting this over with, the faster he can return to the appetizers, and to a reconnaissance of the room of his own.

“Pen,” he says, and she startles, turning around to him with the widest of eyes, and the shyest of smiles. Huh, maybe she does look quite darling.

“Colin!” she exclaims, smoothing down a hand over her dress, and while it’s a gesture driven by nerves, it looks quite adorable.

“Would you do me the honour of a dance?”

He extends out his arm, which she takes – an answer without needing one. And it’s quite a shame, to all the other men in the room, because Penelope is a wonderful dancer, and a most attentive conversationalist during them. She asks him of his most recent travels, destination known through the letters he sent to Eloise, most likely. He’s received his fair share of foot stepping and the occasional elbow in his side, but never with Penelope.

She animates with each step, blushing at his hand around her back, smiling at a spin. He never considered how soft her body feels under his fingers, underneath the thin material of her dress, but now he is acutely aware of her warmth seeping through. He asks of the books she’s been reading, which he knows are plenty.

And at the end of the dance, he finds that maybe dancing with Penelope Featherington is not such a tedious task, after all. And at the end of the night, he’s quite certain she’s been his best partner.

***

Art exhibitions are not really Colin’s thing, really. His interest lays in a world painted in words, not in colours. But considering the fact that one of Benedict’s pieces is to be exposed to the world for the first time, of course his entire family must be present. He is proud of his brother, for having found a path in life, having chased it so full of determination.

Colin’s good at chasing as well. He’s just been proven, more and more lately, that he chases only things that cannot last, which displeases him greatly. It doesn’t mean he is not entirely supportive of his older brother. What other reason he’d have to be present here, at all?

“Penelope!” Eloise shouts, gathering the attention of her friend.

Penelope spins around, red curls jumping with the movement, and she blushes. Colin is pretty sure she’s done this every single time he’s seen her, though maybe he now begins to understand why. She nods her head in their direction, all Bridgertons replying in kind. Eloise lets go of his arm, rushing instead by her best friend’s side, hands entangled in a most obvious display of friendship and affection.

Colin knows Penelope’s family – and so he knows there’s no such camaraderie between her and her sisters, as it can be so easily observed between himself and his own siblings. He’s glad these two have each other then: a friend is one’s most fearful champion.

He walks by his mother’s side, going through the gallery, the two girls just a few feet ahead. Eloise is the taller one, yet both their heads are bent together as they discuss, such an air of ease and comfort about them. His sister says something, and suddenly Penelope turns a bit more to the side, laughing: a sparkle of mischief in her eyes and the loveliest pull at her mouth. Now, Colin finds himself quite taken with her mouth, staring because he finds it impossible not to. The soft pink of her lips, as she’s worried at them trying to come up with a comment about this and that painting. The white of her teeth, as she smiles. Her tongue, wetting her lips, from time to time, as the rooms grow hotter, with all the people passing around.

He’s lucky that the art pieces all around are distracting enough that Penelope herself doesn’t notice. His mother does, though.

“Quite darling, no?”

And she looks at the exact same person that he is, and most certainly not at the painting of a fruit basket in front of them.

“Mother,” he warns, a slight squeeze around her arm.

“Oh,” she sighs. “You can’t blame me for caring enough to try.”

Maybe not. But he can blame her for opening his eyes to something that he, like everyone else – he begins to realize - didn’t really know was right there.

***

So Colin Bridgerton, like a true hero of his days, leaves for Wales. And like the caring gentleman that he also is, he uses one of his friends as his excuse. It helps – it’s quite a useful distraction, for a while, walking over the hills, staring out at the sea, spending evenings eating hearty meals with someone that knows him well enough, but not too much. And he writes in his journal, of his quiet passing days.

By contrast, the nights are not so quiet. While he tries so hard to forget the society back in London, at night there are no distractions: and even so, while asleep, he cannot really control his unconscious mind.

So Colin dreams: at first, the most innocent of shadows, people that he can vaguely make out. Then the visions get clearer, and longer, and more tormenting. It starts with Penelope’s smile, and that mouth of hers, which in a dream he can admit to wanting to desperately kiss. Which, in a dream, he has leave to do. He knows, upon waking, that whatever taste lingers on his tongue from his haze, it certainly has nothing on the reality, and hates himself all the more for it. Then her body, close to his, the press of her bosom hard against his chest, the roundness of her bottom in his palms. The next morning, he is in need of a change of bedsheets, like he is nothing but a horny teenager.

He is sure his mother must have cursed him. The dreams continue, sweet haunting that only makes the guilt rise in his throat. She’s his sister’s best friend, for heaven’s sake, and here he is, conjuring her up in his dreams with no respite! It’s like his body has decided to take an entirely different path from his mind.

Colin is miserable on a travel, for the first time in way too long.

***

Maybe that’s his excuse. He lacks sleep, and for him, the most pressing issue is, obviously, still the one of his marriage. Violet Bridgerton is popular for many things between her children, but her cutting words and sharp mind are not necessarily one of those, especially if used against one of them. Colin has found himself at the receiving end of exactly that for weeks and months now, so he is apprehensive when he is summoned back to London.

But if his mother has need of him, then he must make haste. Of course, the real reason is simply the news of Daphne’s new pregnancy, which is incredibly happy. Colin loves to be an uncle way better than he likes being a younger brother.

Especially since right now, Anthony and Benedict have taken the liberty to pick up with the teasing where their mother stopped.

“You left in the middle of the season,” Benedict remarks, and Anthony clasps his back in a way that only eldest brothers can do, when they require an immediate answer.

“Oh, very well,” and Colin actually scowls. “I needed to get away. Mother has been incessant with this bloody marriage thing.”

And because they’re his brothers, of course they joke and jest more, at his own expense. Everyone in their house knows that his mother has her eyes set on Penelope, and everyone in their house is already tired of her insinuations, Colin most of all. That doesn’t mean that Anthony, or Benedict are going to pass up the opportunity to rile him up on the subject. It’s been a while, after all, since they’ve had reason to laugh at him in particular.

It’s the damn lack of sleep, and all of these comments, which are entirely unwarranted and so overwhelming, despite his protests, that make him throw all decorum out the window.

“I am not going to marry soon, and I am certainly not going to marry Penelope Featherington!”

“Oh!”

The softest sound, really – feminine and delicate and belonging to the single person that he didn’t want to see right this moment. With much slowness, burning red with shame, Colin turns around to look at Penelope Featherington. And he knows: by the expression on her face, the haggard breathing with the desperate rise and fall of her chest, and her eyes, that he just broke her heart.

What he says right there on the spot, he cannot truly recall. A fumbling of stupid, empty nothings, apology too small, too unfulfilling, because Penelope draws herself up and protects the little bit of her dignity left.

And she leaves, so fast that he doesn’t have the time to do what he wants: follow her to clear up things.

Benedict punches him in the arm, quite terribly hard. It still doesn’t feel as bad as the gut-wrenching guilt building up inside himself, or the self-loathe that he so much deserves. Because just as he was beginning to make up his mind regarding how dear, truly, she has grown to be for him, he has done the worst thing a person who cares about another can do: hurt her.

***

He shows up at the doorsteps of her house the following day, surprised to find Penelope alone in the drawing room.

“As you might suspect, Mr. Bridgerton,” she says, when he inquires after her mother and sisters. “Many men before you have made the same declaration, though maybe in more private settings. I am afraid any hope of marriage left in this household falls upon my sisters.”

It is the fact that she doesn’t use his name that stings the worst, and makes him understand exactly how much harm he’s done with his extremely horrifying comment.

“Penelope, I am so entirely sorry for the way I behaved yesterday. You must believe me when I say I did not mean to offend you in any way.”

“Must I?”

He stops, opens his mouth: no words come out. She looks the picture perfect of peace, and maybe this is what should worry him the most. It is his first time seeing her as more than a blushing young woman, and suddenly maybe he realizes why she is Eloise’s best friend: she’s made of tougher stuff than what he’s been led to believe so far.

“What I said, the way I’ve said it. I’ve hurt you… It’s entirely intolerable and I apologize for the situation you’ve been put in because of me being an ass.”

Situation that she handled entirely fine, given the fact that he so singled her out in a market of numerous others undesirable young ladies. She sighs at his curse, something that sounds like Colin, that has the tiniest of fondness in the tone. Something in his chest tightens with fondness of its own, for this woman in front of him, who has been nothing but a most beloved friend, to his entire family – and to him, as well.

“I…” she stops, taking in a deep breath, her hands shaking. “I already told you, no feelings were hurt. You’ve made no remark that wasn’t already obvious to everybody in the ton,” she says, and she waves in the air the latest number of Lady Whistledown.

Of course, even when he misses it, his sisters and his dear mama are quick to fill him up on the happenings of the season. In today’s fresh paper, Whistledown has written down that were the two of them ever to get married, she’d have to give up writing altogether – such an unfitting match never having been seen before.

“You can’t possibly believe those writings,” he says, suddenly offended at the paper, though he’s not quite certain on whose behalf anymore.

“I didn’t, until –”

Until he has reinforced them all the more, with his declaration. Colin suddenly feels himself flush from head to toes, at being so openly chastised. His brother Benedict has already told him, that he has cruelly overstepped most demands of polite society when he lost his temper in that way, in such a public place.

“I really do apologize, Penelope.”

He hadn’t realize how much he enjoys saying her name until now, when he so desperately wants her, needs her to say his own. A sign that things between them can be mended, move from the terrible awkwardness between them.

“Pity doesn’t feel that nice to those who already know how pitiful they are, Colin.” His gaze snaps up at her, and finds her already smiling at him – quite charming, even if so utterly self-depreciating. “Though you are forgiven.”

He bows at her in thanks, lower than he’s gone in months, if not years, just to show how entirely grateful he is. Of course, Colin is yet too young, rich, handsome and charismatic to know the meaning of her words, and too stupid of a man to try and understand where she is coming from.

But he will, in due time.

For now, maybe his favourite sight to see during his travels becomes the shores of England, when returning home. Because home has just started to mean just a tiny bit more.