#becky little

[azurefaire]

little nicky little character analysis

thinking about deep down, nicky's "biggest fear" isn't swans it's surveillance and being incompetent. being judged, but in a different way than pepper ann and maybe anyone who isn't in the little household. losing autonomy is also a big fear for her and she wants to feel like she's in control even if she's literally 12. in case it wasnt obvious i havent seen all the pepper ann episodes (i have seen the finale and a lot of episodes tho lol) but i had the headcanon that she had stage fright and severe performance anxiety and i just watched quiz bowl and its so sad from her perspective, once she realized it was televised with SO many people watching she felt physically ill. i noticed within pepper ann that there's a lot of jokes at everyone's expense within this nutty town and privacy isnt really a thing, yet from what i can tell nicky is conveniently able to escape this fate of being on TV outside of this episode. she contradicts herself, she "wants" to be a famous concert violinist because she practices and dedicated her life to it yet is most comfortable to be preforming in an empty room with no one in it.

what i like about nicky's character is despite being smart, she has a really low self esteem. unlike alice or any other "gifted" kid, she doesn't want to be seen as perfect. she wants to be smart and not gifted so she wouldnt be completely isolated. this is just how she was raised after all! being average isn't okay but being exceptional IS the ideal and not exceptional at all, and nothing to draw attention to but to lightly praise. she only has two friends and no clique, her books etc. doesn't want to indulge herself, probably got mad at herself when she was lured in by the sights and smells of the piercing place and wore those earrings even though she felt alive and she did them in the right way. got mad at pepper ann's computer addiction despite being in x files irc group meetings (yes thats a throw away line that i view as a representation of her character) and when she trick or treats in secret, she wears the least obvious costume- just so she can get a taste of candy her parents disbelieve in, and to an extent herself.

she views the things that make her "perfect" as things that everyone should do- the "right things" and it's not just academics, it's morals- it's about being the bigger person- the bigger picture- and doing right by her family and those around her. she has all the traits that allow her to fit in (casual sort of look), stand out (talents)- but she doesn't want to be above it all she wants to be the all of the above and just enough. that being said she doesn't really want to be a wanna be, but doesn't really view others as less than. she wants to do enough of the academia thing and still be a mostly normal kid who people who are ambivalent of at least and pleasant to be in class at most. she presents as normal because she doesn't want to be sad and "boring", she doesn't complain. people know her and think she is pretty cool, but to be percieved people would only make a mockery of this person she's been built to be and been told she'd ruin her life if she didnt. her faith in others is often in media where she can engage and not fear rejection and a lack of reciprocation. she wants to coast thru life like this just live, not have a unearned "good reputation" as seen in nicky gone bad.

becky is her idealized self, who is the eldest and can balance the two roles. nicky's feelings, her anger were present at a young age and later fizzled out. her parents favor becky and still expect nicky to be as competent and cultured as possible. she is a prodigy in everything but can also present herself every in way to make others laugh and engage with her. becky is more true to this role, her hair is in a neat bob and isnt parted over her face. she's expressive and doesn't come across as uptight (to anyone but nicky) or moody. (reaching) she ties that hoodie over her chest because she's able to fill that role without suppressing her feelings. nicky ties it over her waist and denies herself her feelings, because at her core i think she sees how the role of "perfect" hurts other people and causes jealousy, division, and negativity. if she's feeling that herself she must try to not put that burden on others. denies wanting to be like becky because that would mean she's being too hard on becky. that she made the sin of comparing herself. she's emotionally intelligent yet not emotionally literate. and scared, denies herself her emotions outside of friendship. i think she views friendship as something with integrity, something she can fall back on. something she can value and something she can feel. "i value friendship because xyz"

i think it's a large part of her family dynamic of being raised with these casual overachieving workaholics. she wants to be known has a fear of being understood- to let the mask slip, to consider anything else. she has one path in life so she doesn't care about the social structure in the school to an extent. but she doesn't want to overdo it and of course she has her own dreams and interests too that probably aren't influenced by those classics! her family she respects and disrespecting them would be immature, bad, and a reminder of consequence.

when she resolves conficts with others she doesn't learn a lesson, but comes to the wrong conclusion on what she wants to do and the right way to go about it. people closer in age dont come up to nicky and tell her she's cool if they do- they tell pepper ann. she's contradictory- intimidated and intimidating. aloof but cool. nervous but calm. a prepared dreamer. cared for and ignored. it all makes her seem "sophisticated" and feeds into her detached longing to have that average sophisticated dream in italy that probably isnt hers. yet she lives in a very "unsophisticated" cartoony location, some isolating silly decently populated midwest (probably) where the activities of middle schoolers are broadcast to thousands on local tv. where tv and movie celebrities walk in and never return back to where they came from. she humilates herself in front of one that her family probably admires cause they watch his show at a troubled tween camp, but at least there are no cameras and he was sympathetic to her situation. how much of it is real i think is difficult to tell cause i really think most of this show is told thru pepper ann's perspective and eyes even if she isn't the focus of every episode. but when you think of the setting and premise of the show as it's own contradiction, it makes nicky's overachieving story so much sadder.

nicky to some extent has always known what she wants to do, but has she understood it? she knows but she doesn't understand. nicky has always been preforming in front of an audience, but if it's bigger than a theater. her heart can't take it. but you'll never see someone saying "poor nicky little"- only that she's taking it too far this time. she's overreacting. she can at take solace in the fact that she isnt having a tantrum or having sensitivities as some of the other kids have, but is just blowing things out of proportion cause she's cranky. because she's the good clean nicky little and anything else is just another extreme- it's not her. she's just reacting this one time and this lesson doesn't need to be reinforced. "i dont know what came over me" is her "i'm sorry" in some ways she is fortunate because to most extents she can escape the potential surveillance and judgement of others in this wacky world. but as a 7th grader in a small town, the world is still limiting, judgy, pushy. she'll say things about free speech and be afraid of critics who could want to silence her if she was truly her truest confident self call her "annoying" and be nonconstructive. she can be the impartial judge who makes the decision based on the evidence, and save herself from the hurt feelings she will get and spare herself from being on the other side of it. some expression, staring straight ahead, occasionally supportive when the times call for it, good listener with a bad microphone that needs to be checked once or twice a day. if you dont fail, you wouldn't feel bad for failing. if you feel bad for failing, you need to take it as a lesson. if you feel sad, you shouldn't put it on others or it's pathetic. be meek, but don't be weak. let it happen, but dont surrender to it. don't get defensive, but protect your peace. it all being instinctive. so lucky she has her friends that have her back, but they also hold her back because they too idealize this self destructive "perfection". but they also care about her non superficially a little bit as well.

so back in the quiz bowl episode, when she's called on and gets her stage fright. she becomes physically sick and guilt ridden. when she left, she said she had to leave or whatever to maintain that illusion of control which is just so sad. she rarely talks for the rest of the episode and when pepper ann is cramming for the test, i can imagine she was feeling twenty things at once. guilt, anger, humiliated, ashamed, questioning the validity of the textbook pepper ann is reading and probably her own reality cause what milo was reading sounded so weird, jealous (both of pepper ann getting to "catch up" last minute and of her ability to have all this inside of her and get it out at the right time, how she doesnt have to call herself for any of it)... and maybe even remembering a bad memory of all the times she probably had to cram with her parents when she was elementary age. cause you know for sometime they probably had her doing it until she was doing it herself. the fact is she is JUST like those she's competing with during the event, dehumanized since a young age but is very lucky to be "just some kid". just some lucky "upper middle class" depressed kid who IS gonna make it one day and when people ask her for nuance, tell her she actually is concernedly private they'll eventually forget about it. what's not convincing about the act, her interests and future are secure. the persona is convincing. she'll manage. her past- her childhood will just be some lost ties so she can be independent out there in the big scary world. the dysfunctional yet important and lovely friendship she had most of her childhood and that one kid she was "going out" with when she didn't understand any of her own feelings, will only be a memory one day. she made her bed of "one day i will grow" years in advance and lied in it. will she come to the realization of the danger of the black and white thinking, her own self rumination and still be proud of her own survival? was it a successful survival? will she realize... she was lying to herself a lot? will she stop gasping at the most obvious things she's doing one day?

i need to write nicky little fanfic that's too depressing for hazelnut middle school

[i-stand-unshaken]

So often when I get into something, I really latch onto one character in particular.

This happened with Pepper Ann, but... why'd it have to be Nicky's really-nice-but-lowkey-kinda-innocently-insufferable sister who only appeared in like three episodes (and only had speaking appearances in two)?

[incorrectpepperann]

Nicky: I think baseball is pointless. I don't understand the obsession with throwing a ball into a hoop and "Touchdown, five points!"

Becky: Okay... there's a lot wrong with that.

[theharvardlesbians]

Nicky: I feel like we've lost Yoshi.

Becky: Don't worry. I've got this.

Becky: *whispering* I feel like I'm not good enough.

Yoshi, coming in from out of nowhere: TAKE THAT BACK YOU-

Becky: Found her.

[beckysquiltingagain]

The second time I quilted Joan of Ark.

This one just got first place at the Utah State Fair

[kiisaes]

doodled @kianamaiart's aika at work!

[clarissasbakery]

the worlds most pretentious book club

[enthusiastic-nim]

It's our job to build them a better future

[aria-greenhoodie]

NERD GIRLS WHO SAVE THE WORLD BOOKCLUB!!!!!!!

Click for Quality!

[fortist166]

E-boys to Damian: Life is full of disappointments and we’ve just added you to the list 🫠.

[muchtoocoolforseventhgrade]

[azurefaire]

[i-stand-unshaken]

[incorrectpepperann]

This is yet another example of the late neoclassic Baroque period. And as I always say... if it's not Baroque, don't fix it! *chuckles at her own joke*

Becky

[theharvardlesbians]

Becky: I love you.

Yoshi: I love you more.

Becky: No, I lo-

Nicky: Don't start this.