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anothertastelesstetrahedron · 3 years ago

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Descole headcanons maybe 👀

Did someone say Descole? 👀 I’m just gonna put the whole thing under the read more cut, since this ended up being a very long post - and I mean looooooong - like almost 3000 words long. Major spoilers for most of the games - mainly the Descole Trilogy (looking at you AL), but there’s also one UF one.

Des has terrible handwriting. I just think it would be funny if that's the one thing he cannot change about himself while impersonating someone else. He can manage faking signatures, but free writing as someone else? He has to try very, very hard to get that (nearly) right. Tbh for most of his roles that’s also hardly a problem, so he doesn’t bother.

He dehydrated/had a heat stroke at least once while in full costume. There must be a reason why Raymond tries so hard to make sure the AL gang takes water bottles, sunscreen and so on with them. Des has no self-preservation instinct (unless having Raymond around counts as Des taking care of himself?) He also probably almost died in Monte d’Or due to the heat.

Des beat up those guys who hurt Layton in UF. Listen, no one is allowed to hurt his bro except for him.

The first thing Des did after AL was visit Umid - after getting the much needed medical treatment. Because I absolutely love their interactions he promised to do so. It would be funny for him to show up in full costume as well.

Des eventually got used to Kietz (because the cat is now living with Raymond and Des. You cannot change my mind about that) At first he hated Kietz. Des is basically the old cat in the Bostonius that now has to get used to the new one lol

I know it was just the writers having no idea about Des’ backstory in LS but I still can’t stop thinking about how Hershel felt that Descole (in full costume) was familiar. So what if young Hershel Bronev actually liked to dress up in a costume similar to the Descole one? And that had left an impression on young Theo...

I also still cannot get over the fact that Des knows how to make Layton the perfect tea. Well, he had Raymond make it, but still. How does he know what kind Layton likes? Theory one: Layton’s taste hasn't changed from when they were kids. Theory two: He stalked observed Layton’s tea-drinking activities. Maybe he even posed as a waiter sometimes to find Layton’s favourite tea.

Des had kept track of how Layton was doing for a long time. He also was very close to introducing himself a couple of times. Obviously he never did. One reason why he decided against it was certainly to keep Layton away from everything. Des had given him the chance to live a peaceful life, so he obviously didn’t want to risk that. But that’s not all to it. Though Des hated himself for even feeling that, he was a bit jealous. It’s not that he regretted his decision from back then, but he still couldn’t help feeling that way. Plus, Hersh was a reminder of his past life. So while Des had his family that was another reason why he didn't approach - though in the beginning, he had actually thought even more about talking to Layton. However, Des had really tried to let go of his revenge and thus also his past - so Layton couldn't be a part of Sycamore's life. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he also couldn't help but think about their father whenever he looked at Hersh. He knows that’s not fair, but it’s what it is. The same way he thinks about Bronev whenever he sees his own eyes in the mirror. After his family’s death and after he became Descole he stopped approaching Hersh altogether and kept his distance. Not only because, again, he wanted to keep Layton out of all of this - even more so than before, because Des had already lost his family again, so losing Hersh was not an option (I write even though Des tried to kill Hersh himself hjasdjd)-, but also because he was afraid of how disappointed Layton would be were he to find out about all the things Descole had done. Des feared that he’d hate him.

Relating to one point in the previous point, Des absolutely hates mirrors. His reflection is bearable while being dressed as Descole, but he still avoids them like the plague. Even more so as AL Desmond. He also absolutely hates it when someone compliments his eyes - the thing he hates the most about his appearance.

Relating to that, I know Des’ glasses are just for show, but what if they are optical glasses nevertheless? Like, he cannot stand seeing clearly (especially since he ran into Bronev a couple of times and he absolutely doesn’t want to see that guy’s face). Maybe it’s also to help him distance himself even further from the others - especially Layton(?).

Des only possesses one photo of his family. It had been in his wallet when they died. I am just gonna assume Targent blew up his house, leaving Des with almost nothing. As much as he wishes to have the photo with him at all times, it's far too dangerous to do so while being Descole. Maybe Raymond keeps it safe? Or Des just keeps it in Desmond’s office? Maybe that was one of the things he actually liked while being Desmond again, at least he actually could carry the photo around this time.

Des lies a lot (obviously) - also to himself. (This is also me just trying to make his writing make more sense, since it often seemed to me he was written by 4+ people who didn't tell each other what they’ve written). I am thinking of that one bonus scene in MM where Des acts all empathetic towards Randall. “Just the thought of those poor parents, desperately looking for their own child.” That line does sound a lot like something Des himself knows too well… And then, one moment later, after Randall has left, Des just admits to himself that he’s just using Randall. (srsly writers??) I’m not saying that’s not right, because he’s certainly using him - no point in sugar-coating that - but he’s also very much trying to distance himself from Randall and his issues and reminding himself to focus on his goals and to not get distracted. Because Des does care. And I also think that he could have achieved his goal without Randall, but when he had learnt that Layton lost his best friend, Des tried everything in his power to get him back.

What is Des’ “true self”?

That is the one question I’m thinking about the most. It’s probably gonna get a bit complicated now… Let’s see if I can make my own words make sense (I really tried haha). For clarity's sake I’m gonna use three different names now: First, we have Des - the name I’m gonna use for the “true(est)” version of him - whoever that really is. Then we have Desmond - the AL Desmond Des “played” during AL. And, finally, there is Descole which is of course the Descole “role”.

Des has some serious identity issues - because of course he does. Descole started as a role (Des is even literally wearing a non-practical costume) that served a specific purpose. Des initially “created” Descole to have an outlet for all his rage and despair - and to get back at Targent without revealing himself. And I imagine some characteristics of Descole are things Des added, because he wanted Descole to appear a certain way different from how Des presented himself outside the costume. No one was to find who was behind the mask after all, so Descole had to act differently. Descole’s arrogance comes to mind, like that one just strikes me as not (fully) being Des himself. Des pretty much hates himself and blames himself for a lot of things. But Descole is also much more than a simple role. He’s very much a part of Des himself - it’s Des' own anger and his own feelings Descole is based on after all. Over the years, the lines between Des and Descole got more blurry. And now Des pretty much cannot tell the difference anymore between the things that make him him and the things he had just put into the Descole persona. So while Descole was initially based on parts of Des himself, over time Des truly lost himself in Descole who had become its own thing as well. Think method acting gone completely wrong - or right?

In a similar yet also opposite way, (AL) Desmond is also a role Des played during the game. Des said that he had just assumed Desmond’s identity again to get close to Layton and use him (which I don’t believe is 100% true, because I am convinced that a part of Des wanted to be saved. And also longed to see his brother again - and wanted Layton to like him), but it does make me think that Des mostly runs around as Descole. Obviously Des had kept the Desmond persona alive enough for Desmond to be regarded as a world-famous archeologist. But then again, it clearly doesn’t matter in the PL-universe if people don’t do their jobs.

I still do not know how much of Desmond is the “true” Desmond. Even if Des based Desmond on how he used to be with his family, there’s still the question how close Des actually comes to that. Memories can be deceiving and I doubt Des remembers exactly how he used to be. So maybe Desmond’s speaking style, his mannerism could be an act instead of that being Des’ true (past) self. Or which I like better, it’s a confusing mix between “lie” and “truth”. Some things are exaggerated (people tend to romanticize the past, so even with his family Des(mond) might not have been as nice as he presents himself to be as AL Desmond). Some aspects are more or less really Des(mond) and some other things are just stuff Des added to the Desmond role - consciously or not.

Let’s take this thought even further. When Des tried to leave his revenge behind and concentrate on his family, was that Des(mond) really his true(est) self? Or did Des play a role during that time as well (at least partly)? Des cannot let go. That has been shown throughout the games. So while he had tried to put Targent behind him, he might not have been able to do that completely. Thus he buried some things deep inside him and concentrated on “playing” Desmond Sycamore. Who might be the person he wished to be(?).

Long story short, I think that maybe AL Desmond is an idealised version of the Desmond Des used to be. Des acted like how he used to be while his family was still alive - or as much as possible, since he absolutely cannot let go of the pain completely. So his AL Desmond appearance could also be how he had looked like back then. I honestly do not even know if AL Desmond is the “true face” under the mask. Or if Desmond is also kind of like a “costume”. His appearance could be inaccurate as to how present Des really looks like. Descole’s character model also makes no sense. Like the hair that is sometimes visible doesn’t really look like Desmond’s most of the time after all. So is Descole wearing another wig? Is Desmond? I kind of like the idea that Des met Layton with his true appearance, so I’m on the fence here. Maybe he’s not wearing a wig, but extensions?I very much like the idea of Des appearing with his true face though… So I am kind of reluctant to have Desmond look too different from Des. Plus, Layton could have noticed if Desmond was in fact wearing a wig and that might have made Layton suspicious. But maybe Des dyed his hair a bit, and/or is wearing extensions? Maybe he actually already has grey hair, who knows. I certainly don’t.

However, I also believe that Desmond is far less of a role than Des probably thinks/admits. Over the course of the game, he might have lost himself in the Desmond role in a similar way to how he has lost himself in Descole.

Des' time as AL Desmond changed him for sure. And he does act differently as Descole after he changed into the costume than in the previous games. (I’m gonna make a whole separate post about how the German version uses different forms of politeness - and Des does speak rather … strange/different after his revelation than in other games… Again, I know that that’s just the writers being the writers, but where is the fun in that?)

Present day Des has probably no idea who his true self is anymore… Him “playing” Desmond further complicated things. Which parts did he make up, which parts are truly him? I don’t think there’s an easy answer to that… But that also makes Des so fascinating to me. I also really wonder what name he prefers after AL…

As much as I like the idea that Des himself came up with the plan to approach Layton as Desmond, I also very much like the idea that it had been Raymond instead who had suggested it. Raymond probably has to listen to a lot of Des’ angry rants. And after hearing another one about Layton seeing through one of Des’ disguises, Raymond came up with the idea to just go as himself next time. Partly also because Raymond knows Des better than anyone else and he knows how much Des longs to see his brother again - even if Des himself doesn’t admit that.

Des has acquired quite a lot of scars over the years… He does fall down a lot, so it’s bound to happen. He was probably wearing a fair bit of makeup in AL to hide some of them - in addition to his visible lack of sleep. Speaking of, I don’t think Des slept all that much during AL. He probably has nightmares that wake him up screaming. No way he could (or would want to) explain that to the others. Maybe that’s what he has been doing while he was not with the gang. He was taking a much needed nap… Or ...

… or he goes into the one room in the Bostonius that’s completely sound-proof (because that surely exists) and just screams (and cries) for a bit. In full Descole costume. He cannot bear being Desmond and being around the others at all times. He needs to have an outlet for his emotions.

Des really tried to retain his (emotional) distance from everyone in AL. I noticed that in the beginning he hardly ever said anything while I was clicking everything (and I hope believe that I’ve really clicked everything for potential Des dialogue). But he says more over time. It also takes a long time for him to talk about his family. So maybe that’s him slowly warming up to the others. Des was also probably still figuring out how to be Desmond (again). In a way, I think Desmond was one of his easiest yet also his most challenging role he ever had to “play”. No one is more familiar to him and yet also a total stranger. Plus, he had to be extra careful not to reveal too much. Can’t have been easy (which is why he needed to go scream for a bit sometimes).

He feels immensely guilty about caring for Aurora. He was especially reluctant to get closer to her, but he also just couldn't help caring for her. Because she reminded him of his daughter. He just feels very conflicted as he got more and more attached to her, not only because he knew he would eventually betray her, but he felt like in caring for Aurora he was betraying his daughter in a way… This guilt could apply to Flora as well when he eventually meets her.

One day after AL he found the Popoño he had bought for Aurora. He keeps it close ever since.

His revenge is achieved after AL, so there should be no reason for Descole to continue existing. But I don’t think Des will be able to let go of Descole right away. The AL ending shows that anyway. I feel him putting the mask back on in his last scene makes sense for him. He still cannot bring himself to leave Descole behind and he also very much still cannot bear to see his father’s eyes whenever he looks in a mirror. It would have been too sudden for him to just put all the pain behind him. Des’ revenge was basically also the one thing that defined his whole life. And Descole has been a part of his life for a long time as well - the pain and anger that led to Des creating Descole have been inside Des long before his family got killed. I can’t imagine it easy to just let go of all of that. Des is truly lost at the end of AL. He has lost his purpose, the one thing that made him go on. And he needs to figure out who he is himself. Even more so after his whole posing as Desmond again. I like to think that Des will be able to let go of Descole eventually, but that will be a slow process and not something that’s gonna happen overnight. Instead he’ll probably put on the costume fewer and fewer times until, eventually, Descole just disappears. Maybe he’ll stop when he runs out of costumes lol. No matter what, it’s gonna be a long road for Des to be able to heal… (And he should totally go get back to Layton and apologise to Layton and to a loooooot of other people and then they both go to therapy)

#well that descoleated quickly I guess...#finally answered after a long time - sorry for the wait #thank you so so much for the ask - I obviously love rambling about my dear Des <3 #I really hope this makes sense #I struggled a lot with certain parts (especially that super long Who is Des anyway? part)#headcanons aka me rambling on and on about Des <3 #I have a LOT of thoughts about him #jean descole #professor layton #professor layton spoilers #azran legacy spoilers #Descole breaks tumblr #tastelesstetrahedronthings

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mayquita · 4 years ago

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Colin O’Donoghue on Playing Heroes and Villains in ‘Wizards,’ ‘The Right Stuff,’ and ‘Once Upon a Time’

From the creative mind of Guillermo del Toro and executive producers Marc Guggenheim and Chad Hammes, the final chapter in the Tales of Arcadia saga sees its characters go on an epic time-travel adventure in Camelot. Wizards follows Douxie (voiced by Colin O’Donoghue), a 900-year-old wizard-in-training who, along with Jim (voiced by Emile Hirsch), Claire (voiced by Lexi Medrano) and Steve (voiced by Steven Yeun), must ensure that good prevails over evil, in the escalating conflict between the human and magical worlds.

During this 1-on-1 phone interview with Collider, Colin O’Donoghue talked about being a part of the Tales of Arcadia world, why he was so delighted to get to voice an animated character, what he loved about his character’s journey, getting to revisit Camelot, and what the voice recording process was like. He also talked about why the upcoming Disney+ TV series The Right Stuff appealed to him, whether he was personally satisfied with the ending of Once Upon A Time, and the great time he had playing Captain Hook.

Collider: When this whole project originally came your way, did you know that Trollhunters would only be one part of this whole Tales from Arcadia world, and that there would be also be 3Below and Wizards?

COLIN O’DONOGHUE: I did. I understood that would be the case. I came in, in the second season of Trollhunters, and I knew the character would also be in 3Below. I was in the background, and a character that made people go, “Who is this guy? Why is he there?” I think it’s really good that was teased. It’s worked pretty well, and he was a lot of fun to play. Especially in Wizards, it was really great fun.

How did you get involved with this project? Was this something that you had to go through an audition process for?

O’DONOGHUE: What happened was that they reached out to my agents about it. It was a few years ago, so I can’t remember if I had to do a quick voice recording, just so that they could hear it. But I think that they’d seen Once Upon A Time and had heard my voice. I was stoked. I was delighted to get the offer. I couldn’t wait to do it. I was gonna go study animation in college, so I’ve always been fascinated with the whole process and I’ve always wanted to do an animated film.

This character definitely goes on a big journey in Wizards. What was it that you most responded to, with his story? What did you love about the journey that you got to take with him, now that he’s at the center of the story?

O’DONOGHUE: I loved the relationship with Merlin, and with Archie, as well. I thought it was fun to see him try to be this apprentice wizard, who so desperately wants to become a master wizard and prove himself to Merlin, and getting to see how he progresses, or if he’s even able to do it or not. That was something that I was really happy to explore.

What was it like to find and establish Douxie, in the beginning, in just these little bits, and then really get to dive into him and get to know him so much more, over this season? Did you always know who he would be, at the end, or were there things that you really got to learn about him, along the way?

O’DONOGHUE: I knew that he was a wizard, and I knew that he was quite a powerful wizard. It was just so much fun, having these tiny little things with him that made an impact with people. And then, to really get to do everything that I did on Wizards was fantastic because he really is a great character to play, and a lot of fun. And also, the writing on this show is just so great to get to live with for awhile and really explore.

It definitely seems a bit tricky to explore the origins of the entire mythology of the trilogy while also taking these characters on their own new adventure. How did you feel about the way that it all tied together and the way the story ends? What was your reaction to finding out how things would all play out, by the end of it?

O’DONOGHUE: I was amazing. Whether it was on this or on Once Upon A Time, I’m always amazed at how writers, especially in fantasy, keep track of everything, let alone tie it all together. I’m always amazed that they’re able to do that. And in Wizards, they’ve really done an incredible job of blending the three series together into this one final thing. I just think it’s so smart and so clever, the way they do it. I couldn’t do it. That’s why I’m an actor, and someone else is writing the show.

I was very impressed with how we get to see some of the past characters and we get to see the mythology of Camelot. Pulling all of that together was really impressive.

O’DONOGHUE: I was excited to get to go to Camelot again. We did a season of Once Upon A Time in Camelot, so it was fun to see the version of Camelot that they did in Wizards.

What was the recording process like on this? Were you always in a booth alone?

O’DONOGHUE: I was always alone. I live in Ireland, so most of what I did was done in a recording studio in Dublin. Sometimes, if I was in L.A., I’d go in, but it was always on my own. It’s interesting. It takes a little bit of getting used to because nobody is really feeding you lines. You just say each line, and take a stab at what you think the other character would be saying or reacting to. But I really enjoyed it. Once you get used to that, then it’s really a lot of fun. You get to really ham it up. Maybe a lot of people would say that I’m a ham, but you try to be a little bit more subtle, so it’s fun just to be able to go for it, in animation, because they animate it over the top lines.

Do you know what the time span of work was that you did on this?

O’DONOGHUE: No. It’s been a while. I can’t remember when we recorded the first recording for the first episode of this. It must be a year and a half ago, maybe. I’m not entirely sure. I was in Florida shooting The Right Stuff for five months last year, so it might even be two years. I’m not entirely sure.

Were there ever any major changes, along the way? Did anything change, while you were doing the recording of it, or did everything stay pretty close to the scripts?

O’DONOGHUE: I think everything stayed pretty close to the scripts, if I remember rightly. I don’t think there were any major changes. I might be wrong in this, but when the script was locked, it had gone through so many iterations, at that point. Because they’re creating everything, and every blade of grass, once the script is locked, that’s it. There can be an additional line sometimes, or you might have to do an alternative line, but in general, the script is pretty much locked.

When The Right Stuff came your way, what was it that most interested and excited you about that project?

O’DONOGHUE: I knew the book. I’d read the book, and I’d seen the movie. I’d actually had a meeting at Appian Way, a couple of years ago, and randomly, they gave me the book before there was ever a script, just to have a read of it. And it was one that I really wanted to do, but I was doing Once Upon A Time, at the time, so I didn’t know if I’d be free for anything. Getting to play Gordo Cooper, one of the Mercury Seven, was just amazing. Also, that time period in American history, and the style of it, being from Ireland, that’s America to me, with a ’59 Corvette, Coca Cola bottles, and that kind of style of buildings. And the pilot script was just absolutely fantastic. It was incredible. It was an amazing opportunity to get to play somebody who’s a real-life hero.

Is that the kind of project, as an actor, where it’s hard to get out of your own head? Especially when you’ve read the book and seen the movie and you connect to the project before you even go do it, is it hard to then deal with the pressure you put on yourself?

O’DONOGHUE: I didn’t have a huge amount of time to think about it because somebody else had been cast in the role and they fell out of it. I had a day and a half to figure out what I was going to do before I was on a plane to Florida. It was good ‘cause then I didn’t have time to put pressure on myself. I didn’t have time to panic about what my Oklahoma accent was gonna be. It was actually good, in that respect. So, I wasn’t really nervous about it. I knew the cast was amazing, and I knew the quality of the script and that Appian Way was involved. I was just really excited. And because I played Captain Hook for so long on a show and became so recognizable as that character, it was great to go do something completely different, in a completely different genre and style. I had to shave my beard and look completely different. And then, I got to play an astronaut and test pilot. Who doesn’t wanna do that?

After being on Once Upon A Time for so many seasons, and now having had some time and distance from the show, how do you ultimately feel about the ending and the send-off that your character got? Is it something that you feel personally satisfied and happy with?

O’DONOGHUE: Yeah. The end of Season 6 did exactly what I thought they should do to close off the story of all those characters in Storybrooke. And then, it was fun in Season 7 to get to explore a completely different version of Hook and such a different character. At the end of it all, it was important for Regina to get some sort of redemption. That was always the way that the show should finish. I’m also glad that Eddy [Kitsis] and Adam [Horowitz] had the opportunity to actually finish the show the way they wanted to finish it, and the way that they had seen it. The show wasn’t canceled before they had a chance to finish it.

Captain Hook must have been such a fun character to get to put your own stamp on.

O’DONOGHUE: Yeah, my version of Hook was the first time that he wasn’t an older, villainous, mustache-twirling kind of guy. As soon as I put on the black leather trousers, the coat, and the eyeliner, that was it. You become Captain Hook. It was fun to do that, and getting to play so many different variations of the character, over the year. That was the good thing about Once Upon A Time. There were so many different realms and time periods that they were in and out of, so it was great. He was a great character to get to play.

Wizards is available to stream at Netflix.

#colin o'donoghue #colin interviews #colin other works #wizards #the right stuff

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mysteriousxmidnight · 4 years ago

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I really didn’t want to do this. I tried to ignore and not engage. But @/treebrosxconvan refuses to stop messaging me and others, despite us asking multiple times for her to stop. So she’s kind of left me no choice at this point.

We started talking in March through a Treebros group. Everything was good until we started talking outside the group. The longer I spoke to her, the worse things became. 1- Anytime I brought up that I saw Connor as bi, she would say “okay well I see him as gay.” And I’d say okay, no worries, you can see him how you want. Yet every time I mentioned bi Connor, she would say she saw him as gay. After awhile, it got exhausting. I gave up talking about bi Connor. 2- Same thing would happen if I mentioned Mike Faist as my favorite Connor. She would say “but Alex!” Every single time. I got tired and stopped bringing Mike up. 3- SAME THING AGAIN if I mentioned liking the idea of Connor and Miguel as friends. She would say she doesn’t like Miguel. To a point where she would leave comments on my fanfics and PM me to say she hated seeing Miguel in my fic, and he needed to leave Connor alone and he better not try to kiss Connor. I actually stopped including Miguel in my old fic trilogy because I got tired of hearing it. 4- When I started my new fic, I decided to post one chapter at a time. I posted chapter one at 1:30am and her first comment to me the next day was “why didn’t you send me the link??” And then “why one chapter at a time?? I don’t like that.” NEVER congratulated me for posting a new fic or told me it was good. Just said she didn’t like how I posted it because she didn’t like change. 5- I tried to help her with her fanfic writing. Tried to encourage her. She got MAD at me for “being a better writer” than her. And then threatened to steal my ideas. She apologized for this and later said she was joking. But she still said it and it hurt when I had been trying so hard to help her. These all seem like small things, right? But when they happen repeatedly, they become very mentally and emotionally draining to deal with. And there are so many other little things she did, and things she’s done to not only me but other people. Anyway, I decided to distance myself from her. I stopped answering her when she messaged me. I unfollowed her on tumblr. But she kept messaging me repeatedly across several social media platforms. Sometimes multiple times a day. She even sent me 14 Asks - some on anon - over the course of a few days at one point. Other people got involved because she was doing similar things to them. They ALSO tried ignoring her at first, but she refused to stop messaging them, tagging them, sending them asks/anon asks, etc. There’s only so much ignoring you can do before you crack and snap at someone 🤷🏼‍♀️ It culminated in her tagging me in a post, saying “I just want to talk to mysteriousxmidnight. I don’t know why she’s ignoring me.” WHICH.... REALLY?? I’d spoken to her several times at that point to explain why I was annoyed. As did others. She also messaged me to tell me that she hadn’t done anything to deserve being ignored. Which... completely invalidates me as a person and my feelings. And it’s also a lie since she had been TOLD what she did and had “apologized” for it. There’s no point arguing with someone who’s convinced they’ve done nothing wrong because you can’t convince them otherwise. She also seems to be convinced that her apologizing clears her of all wrong doing. An apology means nothing if you continue doing the things you “apologized” for. She also seems to think she just made “little mistakes” and doesn’t deserve to be treated this way for “little mistakes.” Look, everyone makes mistakes and there’s NOTHING wrong with that if you learn and grow from those mistakes. She did not, though she argued she had. But when you do the same shit repeatedly, it’s no longer just a “mistake.” You’re either choosing to ignore the thing(s) you did to hurt someone, or you just don’t care. Also, no one has to forgive you just because you apologize. No one owes you forgiveness. Several people spoke up, trying to get her to leave me - and others - alone. It didn’t work. She was told to stop harassing people and she claimed she wasn’t harassing anyone. When someone tells you to leave them alone and you don’t, no matter how small you think your interactions with them are, it’s harassment. You’ve been told to stop. Stop. Someone told her to leave me alone and she claimed she had. They told her she hadn’t because she was still liking and reblogging my stuff. She said “why can’t I like their stuff? I’m not saying anything.” BECAUSE YOU WERE TOLD TO LEAVE ME ALONE AND YOU AREN’T. I don’t want to see you in my mentions, period. Also, she whines and tells anons to leave her alone. Yet she has been sending me (and others) anons like crazy AND she refuses to leave me and others alone, yet demands others leave her alone. The hypocrisy is just... So yeah... I’m sure I’m forgetting stuff. I have screen shots to back everything up, though. So. Bottom line: I’m tired of the drama. I really am. And I feel terrible for anyone who got dragged into this. I’m sorry. I really didn’t wanna have to go off like this. I was gonna keep this all private and not call her out. But she won’t stop harassing me and several others, and I’m tired of feeling like the bad guy when I LEFT HER ALONE and just wanted the same. I also hope I don’t lose any followers because of this; I’m just trying to tell my side of the story. So yeah. Now you know.

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seyaryminamoto · 4 years ago

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I'm still confused as to how Iroh can just chill in Ba Sing Se after trying to burn it to the ground a few years ago?? That's like Bush moving to Iraq lmao. Yet mainstream fandom acts like Iroh is an angel and the citizens of Ba sing se should be grateful while in reality he will be the most wanted by the Earth Kingdom after the war is over.

... Curious analogy about Bush O.o I’d say maybe he’s not outright Bush, since Bush wasn’t the commanding officer on the field... a quick wikipedia search tells me the one who led the invasion in Iraq was Tommy Franks, a now-retired general? :’D yep, sounds more like this guy moving to Iraq, then.

People have made many excuses about Iroh being free to live in Ba Sing Se because he helped liberate it from the Fire Nation in the end, and I’m not going to lie, narratively it’s not even a bad idea for Iroh to have dreamt he’d “take” Ba Sing Se in his youth only for the dream to have a completely different meaning than he thought it did...

... But that would only be genuinely sweet and heartwarming if he hadn’t been responsible for an actual 600-day siege on the city.

It’s not even a matter of headcanon whether Iroh is seen as a war criminal or not: we literally have an episode in Book 1 where he’s captured by Earth Kingdom soldiers who are hellbent on making Iroh face justice for his actions. By Book 2, Iroh and Zuko acknowledge they’re criminals to both Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation authorities: they need alter egos so they can travel the Earth Kingdom freely, otherwise they’ll face obvious consequences. Therefore, Iroh was very much a wanted criminal, and for solid reasons beyond “he’s related to the Fire Lord”. That his later actions helped liberate Ba Sing Se from the Fire Nation can’t be denied, but it doesn’t mean he should have been forgiven automatically for everything he did in the past. Perhaps he could get away with some sort of pardon by the Earth King, but pushing that as far as “he can settle down in the city he had under attack for almost two years and live happily there with zero consequences” can be a little too far in the suspension of disbelief department indeed.

It’s those small things, really, that make Iroh’s situation so very wishful and not as well-written as it could/should be. Featuring him as a wanted criminal in one season, as a runaway living under an alias in another... and then as a welcome tea connoisseur in the next one, who lives perfectly happy in the Earth Kingdom because he helped end the war? I might have felt better about it if maybe the show had the chance to feature Kuei offering him a public, controversial pardon for his past crimes, but as it was, it felt like that ending was meant to whitewash Iroh beyond reason... then again, Book 3 at large whitewashed Iroh constantly, even when they were trying to show him as flawed they merely backtracked right away (in The Firebending Masters).

I guess it’s partly a problem caused by the writing room being so set on indeminizing Iroh and giving him a perfect ending... I mean, recently I’ve been seeing a lot about how Aaron Ehasz inspired Iroh on his stepfather, a man he deeply admired. This may be the biggest writing mistake I’ve ever seen by him, because while you absolutely can love your characters, and you can inspire them on people you love, merging both things together will easily skew your understanding of the character until the character just stops being fiction and becomes a mere stand-in for the person you love IRL. It’s no different a concept from Mary Sues and self-inserts that constitute a completely unrealistic idealization of the author themselves, only, in Iroh’s case it’s the idealization of a loved one through writing. And this, perhaps, can even explain why Iroh goes from goofy-occasionally-wise in Book 1, to generally-wise-but-still-mostly-funny in Book 2, to the absolute paragon and pinnacle of wisdom in Book 3 (despite half his wisdom is contradictory and even hypocritical). These changes in Iroh’s writing wouldn’t necessarily obey character growth and development, but rather, they would answer the Head Writer’s conscious or subconscious merging of the identities of Iroh and his stepfather, to the point where he obviously can’t acknowledge Iroh’s faults because that’d be a disservice to the stepfather he admired deeply... which, in turn, results in a disservice to the writing of the show, for Iroh’s accountability for his past mistakes is relegated to the burning of a flag and nothing else, and that’s beyond hard to buy.

I’ve also talked in other asks about the three facets of Iroh, it might shed extra light on why the fandom treats Iroh as they do, and why they disregard Iroh’s past crimes so easily while focusing only on how nice he is, how wise he is, how funny he is. It’s why they think this isn’t weird in the least, whereas once you detach yourself from the emotional component in the show slightly, Iroh living peacefully in Ba Sing Se ends up feeling like a rather poorly thought-out conclusion for the character.

Imagine I wrote a redemption story for Ozai (... easier said than done, I know xD), where he ends up realizing where he went wrong and devotes his life to correcting his mistakes and help the world on a better path: if I sent Ozai to live happily ever after in a restaurant in Omashu, to say one thing, the place that was renamed for him and that used to bear a monument to his ridiculous ego, no less, people would immediately tell me I’m insane, no matter how well-written the story could be. And they wouldn’t be wrong to do so: it’s simply not reasonable to give a character who committed HUGE war crimes a simplistic happy ending without considering how much backlash and how many complications can arise from it.

Seriously, imagine how many Earth Kingdom people will want to barge into Iroh’s teashop to yell at him because his actions got a relative of theirs, or a loved one, killed during the war? Imagine people outright sabotaging his teashop, even setting it on fire or something radical like that... it could happen! There’s seriously no reason to assume otherwise. We saw, in the Promise, a group of angry Earth Kingdom people yelling outside Yu Dao in protest to Zuko’s decision to keep the city as a Fire Nation colony: how many people would want to charge into the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se to protest that Iroh has no right to live in this city, let alone to serve people tea carelessly when he’s responsible for so many awful deeds?

And there’s the other side of the coin: Zuko faces backlash on that same comic trilogy from the Fire Nation people, who see him as a traitor who’s selling out his people to the Avatar and the Earth Kingdom. Who’s to say some Fire Nation occupants of the city haven’t been lying low in wait to attack Iroh for his perceived treason of the Fire Nation, too?

In real life, usually tyrants and big war criminals run away someplace neutral and live their remaining days in relative peace while keeping as low a profile as possible, while knowing that if they step out of their safety zone they’ll probably be captured and held accountable for their crimes. In ATLA, they can open teashops in the very city they attacked for 600 days without a care in the world, and nothing comes of it :’)

Again, I blame the writing room’s unreasonable bias towards Iroh. Liking a character =/= giving them everything they could ever want without considering the character’s actual circumstances and the reactions this can elicit in the people around them. Hell, having Iroh setting up a teashop in the Fire Nation, close to the Palace or something, would make a bit more sense than doing it in Ba Sing Se + it offers him chances to advise Zuko properly, which Zuko DIRELY needs. But nope, instead we get what we got, and most people don’t even find it slightly strange because of Iroh’s three-faced nature :’)

#anon #more controversy 'bout Iroh #I honestly hadn't even known about the Ehasz thing until recently #but as soon as I saw him talking about Iroh that fondly #and likening him to his stepfather #I said 'ah... that basically explains everything'#honestly I've outright inspired characters in my friends #in people around me #from the very get-go #and they usually take a life of their own to the point where I end up forgetting they were inspired by real people in the first place #I'm 100% convinced the opposite happened with Iroh

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brianwilly · 5 years ago

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Game of Thrones did the thing that a couple of shows do where...it likes feminism. It understood that feminism is important. It wanted to be feminist. It was cognizant of the fact that its setting was brazenly and intentionally misogynistic, and so it was even more important for its independent narrative to empower its female characters instead of mindlessly reinforcing the toxic beliefs of its own fictional world. The whole point of the story, after all, was “this society is toxic, can our heroes survive it?” and so the narrative was voluntarily self-critical.

And so it knew to give us badass assassin Arya. It knew to give us stalwart knight Brienne. It gave us the pirate queen and the dragon queen and the Sansa getting revenge after revenge upon all the men who’d wronged her, and far more besides, and it talked big about breaking chains and how much men fucked things up and how great it would be if only women were in charge and et cetera et cetera. And it’s, in fact, all actually really good that it had those things. And because there were so very many moving parts of this story, it was super easy to look at those certain moving parts and think, yeah, they’ve done it! They done good!

And it’s easy to forget and forgive -- to want to forget and forgive -- all the dead prostitutes that were on this show and the rapes used as motivation and fridgings and objectifications and the...y’know, whatever the hell Dorne was and Lady Stoneheart who? It’s easy to forget that this show actually played its hand a long time ago in regards to, like, what its relationship with feminism was going to be, and then kept playing the same hand again and again, to disappointing results.

Game of Thrones likes feminism. It wanted to be feminist. But its relationship with feminism was still predicated on some of the same old narratives and the same old storytelling trends that have disempowered female characters in the past, and so any progressive ideas it might have about women in its setting were nonetheless going to be constrained by those old fetters. As a result, its portrayal of women varied anywhere from glorious to admirable to predictable to downright cringeworthy.

New ideas require new vessels, new stories, in which to house them. And for Game of Thrones, the ultimate story that it wanted to tell -- the ultimate driving force and thesis statement around which it was basing its entire journey and narrative -- was unfortunately a very old one, and one very familiar to the genre.

“Powerful women are scary.”

(Yes, I’m obviously making Yet Another Daenerys Essay On The Internet here)

So we have this character, this girl really, a slave girl who was sold and abused, and then she overcomes that abuse to gain power, she gains dragons, and she uses that power to fight slavery. She fights slavery really well, like, she’s super hella good at it. Her command of dragons is the most overt portrayal of “superpowers” in this world; she is the single most powerful person in this story, more powerful than any other character and the contest is not close.

But then...something really bad happens and oops, she gets really emotional about it and then she’s not fighting slavery anymore...she’s kinda doing the opposite! This girl who was once a hero and a liberator of slaves instead becomes an out-of-control scary Mad Queen who kills a ton of innocent people and has to be taken down by our true heroes for the good of the world.

That’s the theme. That’s the takeaway here. That’s how it all ends, with one of the most primitive, archaic propaganda ever spread by writers, that women with power are frightening, they are crazy, they will use that power for ill. Women with power are witches. They are Amazons. They will lop off our manhoods and make slaves of us. They seduce our rightful kings and send our kingdoms to ruin. They cannot control their emotions. They get hot flashes and start wars. They turn into Dark Phoenixes and eat suns. They are robot revolutionaries who will end humanity. Powerful women are scary.

And let me emphasize that the theme here is not, in fact, that all power corrupts, because the whole Mad Queen concept for Daenerys actually ends up failing one of the more fundamental litmus tests available when it comes to representation of any kind: “would this story still happen if Dany was a man?” And the fact is that it would not. And indeed we know this for a fact because “protagonist starts out virtuous, gains power in spite of the hardships set against him, gets corrupted by that power, and ends up being the bad guy” didn’t happen, and doesn’t happen, to the guys in the very same story that we’re examining. It doesn’t happen to Jon Snow, Dany’s closest and most intentional narrative parallel. It doesn’t happen to Bran Stark, a character whose entire journey is about how he embroils himself in wild dark winter magic beyond anyone’s understanding and loses his humanity in the process. In fact, the only other character who ever got hinted of going “dark” because of the power that they’re obtaining is Arya, the girl who spent seven seasons training to fight, to become powerful, to circumvent the gender role she was saddled with in this world...and then being told at the end of her story, “Whoa hey slow down be careful there, you wouldn’t wanna get all emotional and become a bad person now wouldja?” by a man.

(meanwhile Sansa’s just sitting off in the side pouting or whatever ‘cuz her main arc this season was to, like, be annoyed at people really hard I guess)

‘Cuz that’s the danger with the girls and not the boys, ain’t it? Arya and Jon are both great at killing people, but there is no Dark Jon story while we have to take extra special care to watch for Arya’s precious fragile humanity. Dany has the power of dragons while Bran has the power of the old gods, but we will not find Dark Lord Bran, Soulless Scourge of Westeros, onscreen no matter how much sense it should make. “Power corrupts” is literally not a trend that afflicts male heroes on the same level that it afflicts female heroes.

Oh sure, there are corrupt male characters everywhere, tyrants and warlords and mafia bosses and drug dealers and so forth all over your TVs, and not even necessarily portrayed as outright villains; anti-heroes are nothing new. But we’re talking about the hero hero here; the Harry Potters, the Luke Skywalkers, the Peter Parkers. The Jon Snows. They interact with corruptive power, yes; it’s an important aspect of their journeys. But the key here being that male heroes would overcome that corruption and come through the other side better off for it. They get to come away even more admirable for the power that they have in a way that is generally not afforded towards female heroes.

There are exceptions, of course; no trends are absolutely absolute one way or the other. For instance, the closest male parallel you’d find for the “being powerful is dangerous and will corrupt your noble heroic intentions” trope in popular media would be the character of Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequel trilogy...ie, a preexisting character from a preexisting story where he was conceived as the villainous foil for the heroes. Like, Anakin being a poor but kindhearted slave who eventually becomes seduced by the dark side certainly matches Dany’s arc, but it wasn’t the character’s original story and role. And even then?...notice how Anakin as Vader the Dark Lord gets treated with the veneer of being “badass” and “cool” by the masses. A male character with too much power -- even if it’s dark power, even if it’s corruptive -- has the range to be seen as something appealingly formidable, and not just as an obstacle that has to be dealt with or a cautionary tale to be pitied.

And in one of the few times that this trope was played completely straight, completely unironically with a male hero -- I’m thinking specifically of Hal Jordan the Green Lantern, of “Ryan Reynolds played him in the movie” fame -- the fans went berserk. They could not let it go. The fact that this character would go mad with power because a tragedy happened in his life was completely unacceptable, the story gained notoriety as a bad decision by clueless writers, and today the story in question has been retconned -- retroactively erased from continuity -- so that the character can be made heroic and virtuous again. That’s how big a deal it was when a male hero with the tiniest bit of a fan following goes off the deep end.

To be clear, I’m not here to quibble over whether the story of Dany turning evil was good or bad, because we all know that’s going to be the de facto defense for this situation: “But she had to go mad! It was for the sake of the story!“ as if the writers simply had no choice, they were helpless to the whims of the all-powerful Story God which dictates everything they write, and the most prominent female character of their series simply had to go bonkers and murder a bajillion babies and then get killed by her boyfriend or else the story just wouldn’t be good, y’know? Ultimately though, that’s not what I’m arguing here, because it doesn’t actually matter. There have been shitty stories about powerful women being bad. There have been impressive stories about powerful women being bad. Either way, the fact that people can’t seem to stop telling stories about powerful women being bad is a problem in and of itself. Daenarys’ descent into Final Boss-dom could’ve been the most riveting, breathtaking, masterfully-written pieces of art ever and it’d still be just another instance of a female hero being unable to handle her power in a big long list of instances of this shitty trope. The trope itself doesn’t become unshitty just because you write it well.

It all ultimately boils down to the very different ways that men and women -- that male heroes and female heroes -- continue to be portrayed in stories, and particularly in genre media. In TV, we got Dany, and then we also have Dolores Abernathy in Westworld who was a gentle android that was abused and victimized for her entire existence, who shakes off the shackles of her programming to lead her race in revolution against their abusers...and then promptly becomes a ruthless maniac who ends up lobotomizing the love of her life and ends the season by voluntarily keeping a male android around to check her cruel impulses. Comic book characters like Jean Grey and Wanda Maximoff are two of the most powerful people in their universe but are always, in-universe, made to feel guilty about their power and, non-diegetically, writers are always finding ways to disempower them because obviously they can’t be trusted with that much power and entire multiple sagas have been written about just how bad an idea it is for them to be so powerful because it’ll totally drive them crazy and cause them to kill everyone, obviously. Meanwhile, a male comic character like Dr. Strange -- who can canonically destroy a planet by speaking Latin really hard -- or Black Bolt -- who can destroy a planet by speaking anything really hard -- will be just sitting there, two feet on the side, enjoying some tea and running the world or whatever because a male character having untold uninhibited power at his disposal is just accepted and laudable and gets him on those listicles where he fights Goku and stuff.

In my finite perspective, the sort of female heroes who have gained...not universal esteem, perhaps, but at least general benign acceptance amongst the genre community are characters who just don’t deal with all that stuff. I’m thinking of recent superheroes like Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel, certainly, but also of surprise breakout hits like Stranger Things’ Eleven (so far) or even more niche characters like Sailor Moon or She-Ra. The fact that these characters wield massive power is simply accepted as an unequivocal good thing, their power makes them powerful and impressive and that’s the end of the story, thanks for asking. And when they deal with the inevitable tragedy that shakes their worldview to the core, or the inevitable villain trying to twist them into darkness, they tend to overcome that temptation and come out the other side even stronger than when they started. In other words?...characters like these are being allowed the exact same sorts of narrative luxuries that are usually only afforded towards male heroes.

The thing about these characters, though, is that they tend to be...well, a little bit too heroic, right? A lil’ bit too goody-two-shoes? A bit too stalwart, a bit too incorruptible? And that’s fine, there’s certainly nothing wrong with a traditionally-heroic white knight of a hero. But what I might like to see, as the next step going forward, is for female heroes to be allowed a bit more range than just that, so that they’re not just innocent children or literal princesses or shining demigods clad in primary colors. Let’s have an all-powerful female hero be...well, the easiest way to say it is let’s see her allowed to be bitchier. Less straightlaced. Let’s not put an ultimatum on her power, like “Oh sure you can be powerful, but only if you’re super duper nice about it.” Let us have a ruthless woman, but not one ruled by ruthlessness. Let us have a hero who naturally makes enemies and not friends, who has to work hard to gain allies because her personality doesn’t sparkle and gleam. Let her have the righteous anger of a lifelong slave, and let that anger be her salvation instead of her downfall.

In other words, let us have Daenerys Targaryen. And let us put her in a new story instead of an old one.

#Game of Thrones #Daenerys Targaryen #ASOIAF #A Song of Ice and Fire #Jon Snow #Bran Stark #Arya Stark #Dany #GoT #GoTedit #Overthinking #meta #essay

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heyyyharry · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 5: So Big, So Small

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Stay Mine)

…in which Y/N says the truth and Harry cannot.

Word count: 6.6k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Wattpad link (with original character: Thea as Y/N)

“Blake, hi, what are you doing here?”

“Hey, I wanted to see you to--” Blake trailed off as soon as he saw Harry on Y/N’s couch. He gave a courteous smile which Harry returned, but if Y/N had paid attention, she would have noticed the passive hostility between them.

Harry trusted Y/N as much as she trusted him, but he didn’t trust Blake. He assumed Blake had been doing all those nice things for her because he wanted to slip back into her life as if all those years he’d been away had meant nothing. And of course, Harry couldn’t stop him from wanting to get her back, but Blake would be an idiot to think he had a chance.

“You were saying?” Y/N asked her ex-boyfriend, who immediately plastered a smile on his face.

“I’ve got some good news for you,” he said. “So I was helping my boss with this new case and guess who the client was? Wait for it...Laura Hilfgard!”

“The author?!”

“Yes!”

Seeing Y/N’s face lit up with joy, Harry couldn’t stay out of it anymore. He got up and walked up to them. Blake pressed his lips into a small smile when Harry put an arm around Y/N’s shoulders and gave her a chaste kiss.

“Blake met Laura Hilfgard, babe! She was his client.”

Her excitement brought a grin to Harry’s face. “That’s the author you like, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t think you’d know her, Harry.”

“Of course I know her.” Harry faked a smile at Blake. “I’ve read all the books beside Y/N’s bed, so I know every author she likes and dislikes.”

“That’s...very impressive.”

“Thank you.”

The sarcastic tone the men had exchanged went right over Y/N’s head as she turned back to Blake. “But what happened? Was she in trouble?”

“No, it’s actually the opposite.” Blake laughed. “She’s getting a divorce. She’s pretty happy about it.”

“Oh, good for her!” Y/N exclaimed, hugging Harry’s arm. “So, what was she like as a real person? I suppose she was just as sweet as I imagined.”

Blake nodded. “She was very sweet. She’s also a literary agent, did you know that?”

“Yes! I actually sent her my manuscript a long time ago but she hadn’t replied. It’s probably got lost in the spam.”

“Well, would you like me to give it to her in person?”

Y/N’s jaw dropped. She snapped her head to look at Harry, whose brows drew together as he tried to figure out what Blake was up to. But the guy didn’t even spare him a glance. He was only beaming at Y/N.

“I think Ms Hilfgard liked me,” Blake said. “I’ll ask her to read the story and give you some feedback. I mean, if that’s fine with you.”

“That’s better than fine! Thank you! Thank you!”

Y/N then told Blake to wait as she ran to the desk by the window and took out a yellow folder from the top drawer. Harry was still gawking at her when she hurried back to the door.

“You finished the story already?” he asked, forehead puckered up as she told him, “no, this is the old version.”

“Why don’t you wait until you’ve finished, love?”

“It’d take forever. Laura might not accept submissions anymore,” she said eagerly. “You said the old version was good, right?”

“Right,” the men answered at the same time and exchanged weird looks with each other, but Y/N couldn’t care less.

“Then it’s worth the risk,” she said with confidence, taking a deep breath. When she was sure they had nothing else to say, she kissed the folder for good luck and gave it to Blake. “If this works out, I owe you big time.”

“I’ll give it to her tomorrow.” He smiled. “I have a feeling that she’ll love it as much as I do.”

Y/N was over the moon, her eyes twinkled as she kept thanking Blake until he was gone, but seeing the look on Harry’s face pulled her back down to Earth.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said as she shut the door.

“You’re not happy for me?”

“I am. You know I am.” Harry scratched the back of his head. “It’s just...you were mad at me for giving your manuscript to John Conall, but now you’re so excited and--”

“It’s not the same though! I was mad at you because I thought you asked Conall to sign me. That guy didn’t even bother to read my story, and you kind of bribed him by agreeing to attend his daughter’s birthday.”

“And how are you so sure Blake doesn’t personally know Laura Hilfgard?”

“Because...it’s...Blake.” Y/N gave a shrug, her face scrunched up as if she couldn’t figure out a proper explanation. “Babe, this is not personal. I just want someone to like my writing because they like my writing, and not because I’m -- because I’m your girl.”

Harry sucked in a breath. He took a step forward, wrapping his arms around her waist as she put her hands on his shoulders.

“You might be my girl, but you’ve always been a great writer,” he said. “And if people like your writing, they like your writing. It’s not because of me.”

“We don’t know that.” She shook her head, her eyes narrowed. “People are always gonna be biased when it comes to who knows who. You work in a similar industry, you know what it’s like.”

“I suppose.” Harry gave a nod and kissed her lips. “I’m sorry. Let’s not fight, okay?”

“We’re not fighting. We’re just...debating.”

“And you win.”

As he put his mouth on her neck, she tossed her head back, laughing and pushing him away. “I don’t want to win. I just want us to understand each other.”

“Do you think we understand each other now?” he asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” she mumbled, making him smile again.

Y/N held Harry’s cheeks and traced a thumb down the bridge of his nose. The creases between his brows disappeared as he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers.

“Are you okay?” she quietly asked. “You seem so worried. And I know it’s not only because Blake showed up.”

Harry released a slight laugh as he took another deep breath. “Gemma texted me. She wanted to know how it went.”

“Oh, no. What did you say to her?”

“I haven’t replied,” he admitted. “And I--I don’t think I’m going to.”

“Harry!”

“No, listen.” He grasped her elbows as she pulled away. “I need to get to know Winton so I could prove to Gemma that he’s really changed.”

Y/N took in a sharp breath and cocked her head in disbelief. “You want to get to know Winton now?”

“I already told you--”

“I thought you were just gonna forgive him and let him go. If you want my opinion, then I don’t think it’s a good idea to take him back into your life, let alone get to know him!”

“I have to.”

“No, you want to!” Harry froze at the emphasised word. She held his face, stepping closer. “Baby, I had wasted so many years hating my dad and blaming him for everything that went wrong….I thought I was torturing him, but I was also torturing me. So I understand, and I’m happy you chose to forgive Winton. But...I just--I just want you to be careful before taking him back into your life. I love you so much and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Harry lowered his head. As he said nothing at all, Y/N had to ask, “promise me you’ll be careful?”

He ground his jaw before meeting her lips, nodding slowly. “Yes, I promise.”

“Bitch, look at me while I’m telling you a story!”

“Just a second!” Y/N tossed the second pile of clothes onto the bed and adjusted the laptop screen so her best friends on the video chat could get a better view. “Sorry, I’m having a fashion crisis right now.”

“Sounds serious,” Amala said, giggling at how Y/N was running around her room in an oversized tee and no pants.

“Are you going to another event with Harry?” Celine shook her fists enthusiastically. “I need to know the theme to help you decide if you should be a lowkey whore or go all out.”

“Cece!” Y/N cackled, her mouth fell open. “I’m not gonna be a whore. I’m having dinner with Harry’s dad and his half-sister tomorrow night!”

“Oh, shit,” Celine mumbled while Amala was in hysterics. “Then extra lowkey whore. Because you’re gonna fuck him after dinner anyway, right?”

“I hate that you know me,” Y/N said and all three of them dissolved into laughter.

“But wait,” Amala arched an eyebrow, “I thought Harry hated his dad and half-sister?”

“So did I, but he’s happy so I support him.” Y/N threw herself on the bed and lay on her stomach. “I’m still gonna make sure he’ll be careful with those two, just in case they’re not who they say they are.”

“Good.” Celine exhaled while exchanging looks with her wife. “Well, we also think you should be careful.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what we’re talking about.” Celine scoffed.

“Blake. Roman.”

“Why did you say his name like he’s Voldemort?” Y/N guffawed at Amala’s serious expression and ran her hand over her face, pushing her hair back. “I literally had to tell Harry that he was worrying for no good reasons, and now you--”

“He had a good reason,” Celine argued.

“And we’re with him on this one!” Amala added.

Y/N opened her mouth again but Celine didn’t even let her start. “Look, baby, the poor man is doing everything to get you back. He makes you dinner, checks on you whenever he gets a chance, and keeps asking to use your shower. I think he comes over even more often than Harry!”

“He’s just lonely, that’s all. He doesn’t know anyone else in London,” Y/N said as she sat up, rubbing her hands on her thighs. “Besides, you know I’m one hundred percent committed to Harry. I would never do anything to hurt him or our relationship. And I don’t even love Blake like that anymore.”

“I know, my love.” Celine sighed as she rested her head on Amala’s shoulder. “But Blake and Harry might not. Men are so stupid, you have to be straightforward.”

“Blake doesn’t love me anymore.”

“Do you really believe that?”

Amala’s question left Y/N tongue-tied. She blew out her cheeks, subconsciously picking at her nails as her eyes bored into the screen.

A knock on the door made her jolt right up.

“Y/N! Are you home?”

“Shit, it’s Blake.”

“Told ya.” Celine raised an eyebrow as she pursed her lips. “We should hang up now. Call us later?”

“Wait, don’t you wanna meet him? He asked about you guys.”

“He was never really our friend,” Amala said. “He was always too cool for us, and he hung out with us because of you.”

Y/N nibbled on her lip as Celine went on, “just don’t give him hope. You have to draw the line before he gets too close.”

Before Y/N could say another word, her two friends had ended the chat.

“Gimme a second!” she shouted to Blake and quickly put on her pyjamas pants so she could answer the door.

“I’m so sorry to disturb you,” Blake said as soon as she appeared, but she shushed him before he continued.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” She shook her head, her face brightened. “Did Laura respond?”

“Not yet.”

“Oh…” Her smile fell instantly. She had been waiting for good news for nearly a week and she had been so confident. So what if she was wrong?

“Laura is not in London at the moment,” Blake said when he saw her frown. “I gave your manuscript to her assistant and I’m sure it’ll get to her when she gets back.”

“Okay, thank you so much.” She nodded, smiling back at him. “So what do you need?”

“Um...this might sound annoying but...my shower broke again. Could I please use yours?”

“It broke again?” Y/N let out a harsh breath as she remembered what Celine and Amala had told her earlier. “Do you--do you mind if I come see it?”

Blake was taken aback by the response, but he didn’t question it as he invited her into his flat. It was neat and clean, the opposite of his childhood bedroom in Holmes Chapel. Such details reminded her that he was a different and grown man now, even though it hadn’t felt that way since he came back.

She followed him to the bathroom and he stayed at the door while she stepped into the shower. She turned the shower on and off a few times and not a single drop came out of it.

“Told ya.” Blake smiled when she turned around, her cheeks were so red she could feel them heating up.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He shrugged, the way his eyes were fixed on her made her heart feel jumpy. “What’s wrong, Y/N? Tell me.”

Y/N took a little time to think, but Blake wasn’t patient enough to wait.

“Look, I totally understand if you want to say no. I’ll just wait until tomorrow and--”

“No, it’s not like that,” she cut him off, finally looking up and meeting his eyes. “I was just...talking to Cece--”

“Oh, Cece’s over there?” His face lit up, but she shook her head, smiling.

“I was video-chatting with her and Amala. They’re married now.”

“Yeah, I heard.” He rubbed his jaw. “I wasn’t invited but no hard feelings.”

Y/N snorted and rolled her eyes. “Anyway, you know how I tell the girls everything, right?”

“And they think I still have feelings for you?” Blake asked, his expression remained unchanged. He didn’t even give her a chance to answer before asking another question, “does Harry think so too? That would explain why he doesn’t like me.”

At this point, Y/N had no choice but to be honest.

“He could be dramatic sometimes,” she said, “but...he’s a very loving man. He cares about me and I really love him.”

“I’m sure you do.” Blake’s mouth twitched as he hung his head. “Look...When I first moved here, I was very lonely. It was so nice to find someone to talk to, and not just anyone, you. We basically grew up together, Y/N. You felt like home to me, and...and I couldn’t help but care about you, but only as a friend.”

“Yeah, that--that was what I told them.” She sighed.

“I don’t need them to get it, as long as you do.” He let out a laugh, lifting his shoulder in a half-shrug. “But I’ll take it down a notch from now on. I know how you feel when people care about you too much.”

“No, it’s fine, really. Harry always cares about me too much and I’m starting to enjoy the attention.”

Y/N didn’t expect a reply, but it came as a shock to her that Blake would give a mirthless laugh. “What’s so funny?”

Blake chewed the inside of his cheek as if thinking if he should tell her, and eventually, he decided that he should. “You’ve been on your own so often lately, I feel like your boyfriend has other priorities.”

Y/N put her hands on her hips as she scoffed, her mouth opened wide.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Y/N. I’m just telling you the way I see it.”

“Well, the way you see it, is wrong. You don’t even know him.”

“You don’t have to defend him. I know he’s an actor and he has a different life--”

“I don’t have to defend him because I know him. You don’t!” She stabbed a finger at his chest before crossing her arms. “And I’m actually gonna move in with him so I don’t care what you have to say.”

Y/N did not believe she’d said it out loud. She was just as shocked as Blake and both of them froze for a second, just staring at each other with their mouths agape.

“When are you moving in with him?” Blake spoke first, he sounded rather frantic though he tried not to be.

“I-I’m not sure yet,” Y/N uttered. “He asked me a while ago but I haven’t answered.”

Blake jammed his hands in his pockets, his eyes shifted to the floor. “Well then--when are you gonna tell him?”

Y/N wanted to answer that question but she didn’t know how. She leaned back against the glass wall of the shower, biting a nail and pondering for a minute. She was surprised Blake was patient enough to wait for her.

“I’m gonna tell him the next time I see him.”

Blake wasn’t happy with that answer, but Y/N was too busy worrying about something more important to give him her attention. The sound of water leaking from the showerhead brought her back to reality.

“Your shower’s working again,” was all she said before rushing out of the room.

“Harry! Harry! Wanna read my new story?”

“Not now, Bambi! I’m busy!”

Nine-year-old Y/N stopped at the entrance of the treehouse as she found her older friend sprawling on the dusty wooden floor with paper, markers and paste. He didn’t stop to look at her, so she sat down beside him, crossing her legs and holding her pink notebook to her chest.

“Wow, is this for an art project?”

“No, it’s for Gemma,” Harry replied as he lifted the paper to show her what he’d been working on. It was an awful portrait of his older sister. She had red eyes, two devil horns on top of her head, and was spitting out fire. The word ‘PRANKED’ was written in capital letters right in the middle of the drawing.

“That’s so mean.” Y/N cringed, but Harry seemed rather satisfied with her reaction.

“Her new boyfriend is a jerk. He treats me like sh--I mean, he treats me terribly when she’s not around, but she always believes him and not me.”

Y/N took some time to think before she spoke, “it seems to me that Gemma is blinded by love. But why do you blame her for what her boyfriend did?”

Harry stopped colouring for a second. Y/N believed he was trying to think of an answer, and when he realised he didn’t have one, he said, “either you’re on my side or stay out of this.”

“Of course I’m on your side. Always.” Y/N sighed and put down her notebook. She guessed her story could wait.

Y/N was holding Harry’s hand under the table when Winton and Emilia arrived at the restaurant. They were looking around with eyes bulging out of their heads, so Y/N guessed they had never been to a place like this before. The first time Harry had taken Y/N to a fancy restaurant, she had been so thrilled, yet so scared that she wouldn’t fit in, so she knew exactly how Winton and Emilia must be feeling now.

But they weren’t the only ones who were nervous about that dinner. Harry was shaking his leg rapidly under the table while talking in such a chill manner that no one could tell he was faking it. His acting skills could be so useful in this kind of situation, but even so, the dinner still felt very awkward.

One person would be talking while the others tried to act interested, and there would be silence in between separate topics during which everyone was just eating and avoiding eye contact. It took them almost an hour, but once they had grown more comfortable with each other’s presence, the conversation flowed more easily.

Harry and Emilia found a common ground as film topics were brought up, and Y/N was happy to find out Winton was a dedicated reader and understood her passion for books and writing.

Harry had never wasted an opportunity to praise his girlfriend, so he couldn’t shut up about what a great writer she was. It made her feel like she was with her dad at a family gathering, but to be honest, she didn’t mind at all.

In the middle of the dinner, Winton noticed the ring on Harry’s hand and he happily exclaimed, “is that my ring?”

“This one?” Harry smiled as he looked at it. “No, it just looks like yours. I lost your ring when I was a kid and Y/N gave this one to me for my last birthday.”

“Aww, you guys are the definition of true love,” Emilia said with both hands on her chest.

“Thank you,” Y/N said, giving her boyfriend a funny stare which made him scoff into his fist. In their talk last night before bed, they had both agreed that Emilia was weird, but since they and the people they hung out with weren’t exactly the definition of normal, Emilia’s personality had never really bothered them.

“I have one good news!” Emilia said as the waiters brought desserts to their table. “Isaac asked me to be the model for his next shoot, and I said yes! Isn’t it exciting?”

“Wow, congratulations, Emi,” Harry said as he exchanged looks with Y/N again.

Emilia laughed at their dumbfounded reaction. “I know what you two are thinking. Isaac and I are just friends. He’s just really nice to me.”

“Did he tell you where Harry was having his photoshoot the other day?”

The question froze Winton and Emilia to the spot. Y/N honestly didn’t expect that, she simply asked that question because she and Harry had assumed Isaac was the one who’d told them.

As Winton was about to answer, Emilia blurted out, “yes, how else would we know?”

Y/N breathed out a smile, letting go of Harry’s hand under the table to fold her arms on top of it. She wondered why Emilia appeared so apprehensive. Did she think she was about to be exposed? Did she have secrets to hide?

“It’s just Isaac had never blindsided Harry like that. You two must be very close,” Y/N said, not breaking eye contact with Emilia, who leaned back into her chair and smoothed out her dress.

“Oh, come on, Y/N. Don’t be jealous.”

“Jealous? Why would I be jealous?”

Harry tapped Y/N on the arm but she shrugged him away, and Emilia pretended like she didn’t see her father’s warning glare.

“You used to model for Isaac, right?”

“That’s enough, Emilia,” Harry spoke as Winton heaved a sigh and picked up a fork to eat his dessert.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, it was a joke,” Emilia said as she touched Y/N’s hand on the table, but Y/N immediately pulled it away to hold Harry’s hand instead.

“It’s okay. Let’s just move on.”

Seeing the uneasy look on Emilia’s face, Y/N believed there was more to this girl than a bubbly personality and a tragic past. She must have had something to hide.

“I don’t trust Emilia,” Y/N said as soon as she was alone in the car with Harry.

He drove away, keeping his eyes on the road and one hand on her thigh. “I agree, she was talking too much about her biscuits.”

“No, I’m serious!” She smacked his arm as he cackled. “Didn’t you see the way she reacted to me asking about Isaac? What was that all about?”

“I think she’s just odd, but she means no harm. Well, except for when she was rude to you, that was unacceptable!”

Y/N laughed slightly and rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. I think she might have manipulated Isaac into telling her where you were.”

“Or...Isaac did it because he wanted me to hear Winton’s side of the story. Isaac is all about justice and kindness and forgiveness.” Harry gave a shrug and stole a quick glance at his girlfriend. “You look so sexy when you’re acting like a detective, but don’t get stressed out about this, babe.”

“You’re right.” She exhaled, fanning herself. “You’re probably right. Now I’m being weird.”

He chuckled and squeezed her thigh. “Are you tired, kid? I cannot wait to get back and go to sleep!”

“Go to sleep?” She gasped. “What about me?”

A corner of his lips turned up as he stole another look at her. “What about you?”

“You haven’t fucked me in two days.” She raised two fingers, pouting like a child, making him laugh.

“Oh, no. I haven’t?”

His fake surprised reaction got her amused. She leaned in and whispered into his ear, “if you’re tired, you can go to sleep. I promise I won’t be too loud.”

“Stop it! You’re gonna make me crash my car!”

As he started squirming in his seat to fix the bulge in his pants, she was shaking with laughter.

“You think this is funny?” He smirked. “Just wait until we get home.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, I’m sure, Bambi,” Harry asserted. “You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to.”

“I want to!” Y/N said a bit too loud and the older boy shushed her as they kept tiptoeing up down the hall. Harry got down on his knees, so Y/N did the same and crawled behind him towards Gemma’s bedroom door. He sat on his heels, smiling devilishly while taking one last look at the envelope in his hand.

To: Gemma

From: Dad

“What if she gets angry and kills us?” Y/N whispered.

“Then we’ll die like heroes,” Harry told her, trying not to laugh at the way her breath quickened out of fear. Her face screwed up as she saw him kiss the fake letter before handing it to her and telling her to do the same.

“What’s it for?”

“Good luck.”

“Oh.” Her mouth formed a tiny circle. She quickly kissed it and gave it back to him.

Harry slipped the letter under his sister’s door and sat by it with his back against the wall. Y/N hurriedly rushed to his side and flopped down, hugging his arm tightly. Despite how worried she looked, the boy seemed enthusiastic. He covered his mouth and tittered into his palm.

“Oh man, she’s going to be--”

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

The kids screamed when Gemma burst out of her room. She tackled Harry to the floor before he could run and started hitting him while he was kicking her back to defend himself. Y/N was bawling as she tried to pull Gemma away, but Gemma was too strong and Harry was helpless. Gemma’s fist hit Y/N’s head by accident and knocked her to the ground. Fortunately, Anne showed up just in time to break off the fight before it got worse. She held Gemma back so Harry could escape. The boy crawled towards his little friend and hugged her to his chest. Both of them were crying.

“Let me go! Let me kill him! I’m gonna kill you, you little jerk!”

“Gemma, calm down!” Anne held her daughter tighter. Gemma was kicking and screaming and Y/N could’ve sworn she had never seen someone so angry. For a second, she thought Gemma’s head was about to explode like one of those cartoon characters on the TV, but suddenly, she buried her face into her mother’s chest and started sobbing.

Y/N was in shock. Why was Gemma crying? Because of the drawing? It was just a stupid drawing. Y/N was trying to figure out the answer when Harry took her hand and pulled her with him. They hurriedly ran downstairs, leaving Gemma with Anne.

Anne returned to the living room fifteen minutes later to find Harry and Y/N sitting on the couch, holding hands but too scared to speak.

“Harry, go to your room. We need to talk.” Anne jerked her head towards the staircase, and Harry gave Y/N one last look before he stood up.

The little girl rose from the couch as she watched her older friend run upstairs. His mother turned back to her with a gentle smile and said, “you should go home, Y/N.”

“But...”

“Harry will be fine.”

Y/N’s lip shuddered as she clasped her hands together. “Please don’t ground him! If you do, please let him come to the treehouse.”

“Just go home, baby. I promise you Harry will be fine.” Anne smiled and touched the little girl’s cheek. “It’s Father’s Day. Why don’t you spend it with your dad?”

“It’s Father’s Day?”

“Yeah, you didn’t know?”

“No.” Y/N’s eyes shifted to the floor as she started fidgeting with her own fingers. “My dad is out of town, and...and we never celebrate it anyway.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Y/N quickly looked up. “Was that why Gemma was crying? Because she missed her dad?”

Anne didn’t answer that question. “Why don’t you wait for Harry in the treehouse?” she said. “He’ll be there after we’ve talked about what happened.”

Y/N thanked Anne before she left and went straight to the treehouse to wait for Harry. She was pacing back and forth and biting her nail, and as soon as she heard his footsteps at the entrance, she turned her head so fast it could’ve fallen out.

She rushed towards him and hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her and chuckled. “You’re acting like I just went to war or something.”

“Are you grounded?”

“Yeah, but I’m still allowed to see you.”

Y/N put a hand on her chest and exhaled in relief as they sat down on the floor. Y/N wasn’t sure if she should bring it up or let it go, but she was curious to know how Harry felt about what had happened.

“Did you fake that letter because it was Father’s Day and you know Gemma was expecting it?”

The boy hung his head like a criminal in a courtroom, nodding slowly before he confessed, “yes.”

“Were you expecting a letter too?”

There was a pause.

“Yes.”

Y/N thought she should stop, but she couldn’t help it. She got on her knees and scooted closer to him, holding his hands on his lap. “What did your mother say to you? Was she angry?”

“No…” He breathed and looked up. “She was more disappointed...and sad…She made me apologise to Gemma.”

“So you two made up?”

“Not really. Gemma didn’t want to see me, but she’ll forgive me in a few days when she forgets. She always does.”

“What about her boyfriend?” Y/N asked, making Harry snort.

“I’ll come up with another plan for him.”

“Harry...”

“Just kidding, Bambi.” He pressed his lips into a smile and rubbed the red spot on her forehead where Gemma had accidentally hit her. “Does it hurt?”

She shook her head and pushed his hand away, not wanting to let him change the subject. “You’ve never liked any of Gemma’s boyfriends though. Why is that?”

“Because they were all jerks.”

“Not true. The last boy was nice.”

As Harry couldn’t disagree, he rolled his eyes and admitted, “she doesn’t need a boyfriend, she’s happy with us.”

“She’ll have to get married at one point.”

“No, she doesn’t. Marriage sucks. It only hurts people. Look what it’s done to your parents and mine, and us.” Harry picked up a yellow leaf at his feet and stared at it for a long moment. “You know, my mum told me that...after my dad left she had never felt so lonely. She had to take on more responsibility and did all the things my dad used to do when he was still here. The house that used to be small for the four of us suddenly felt so big. You might think missing one person wouldn’t make a difference but it does, Bambi. You’re lucky your parents are still together.”

“And that my house is smaller than yours,” she said with a serious face and he couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh.

“And that, too.”

Y/N took some time to gather her thoughts before she told him, “well, when I grow up, I will sell my stories and buy a small house so I won’t feel too small compared to it.”

“That’s nice, Bambi.” Harry beamed as he rubbed the red spot on her forehead gently. “What will you do with the rest of your money?”

“I’ll buy tickets to visit you once in a while,” she happily said. “You’re gonna be an actor, right? Actors travel a lot. You’re gonna have ten houses in ten different countries!”

“Well, if I’m so rich, I can just buy you tickets so you can visit me.”

“No, thanks, sir.” She pushed his hand away again, lifting her chin and crossing her arms. “I’m gonna make my own money because I’m gonna be an independent woman.”

“Of course, you are. I believe in you,” he said and tapped her nose. “Now, since I’m grounded and have nothing better to do, why don’t we read your new story?”

Harry and Y/N arrived at his house in no time. He drove his car into the underground garage, so eager to take his girlfriend to bed and call it a day. They raced each other upstairs to the living room like two little kids, completely carefree and unaware of what was waiting for them, well, who was waiting for them.

Harry stopped dead in his tracks as he loosened his arms around Y/N’s waist, and she turned around, eyes wide with shock.

“Your assistant let me in,” Gemma said as she got up from the sofa.

“What...what are you doing here?” Harry faltered, he let go of Y/N and walked up to his sister who was standing with her arms crossed.

“Where were you?” Gemma asked.

“We went on a date,” Harry told her. Y/N couldn’t believe he lied. She was biting her nail while waiting for Gemma’s response.

“I was invited, you know.”

“What?” Harry froze. And so did Y/N.

“To the dinner.” Wait, what? “Some girl named Emilia Styles called me. Do you happen to know her?”

Y/N’s brain stuttered for a moment and every part of her went on pause, waiting for her thoughts to catch up. She could only see Harry’s back from where she stood, but he was standing so still as if he’d stopped breathing.

“I knew something was wrong when you didn’t text me back and I got the phone call,” Gemma said slowly. “I turned her down. Don’t worry, I was polite because I didn’t know the girl. But I know you. You’re my brother. And saying that I’m disappointed and angry would be an understatement.”

“Gem--”

“Don’t!” Gemma raised her voice, making Harry jump. He reached for her hand and she pushed him away. “God, you are so fucking obsessed with wanting him back you let him get into your head and you lied to me!”

“I was going to tell you, I just didn’t know how! But--but Winton is not who we thought he was.”

“I don’t fucking care, Harry!” she shouted, pointing her shaky finger to his face. ”I don’t give a fuck if he’s joined the military or become a priest or been saving lives in Africa! No matter how ‘good’ he’s become, he’s still dead to me!” She gnashed her teeth as her bottom lip trembled. “And right now, I can’t help but feel the same about you.”

“You don’t mean that,” Harry’s voice broke. Y/N was white as chalk and her eyes were as wide as they could stretch. She wanted to say something, but she knew if she spoke, it would only get worse.

Gemma raised her chin as she clenched her jaw and whispered, “yes, I do. You are becoming selfish just like him, it makes me sick.”

“Gemma!”

Harry chased his sister out of the door, leaving Y/N to drown in the gloomy silence of the mansion. She gave herself a moment to catch her breath before going to the backyard for some fresh air. There was an outdoor pool which was cleaned every two days, but Harry rarely used it as he was busy all the time.

She sat down on the edge, feet dangling in the blue water. The soothing coolness helped her relax until she heard his voice from behind, “don’t jump in without me.��

She pulled her legs up, about to stand up but Harry had already sat down next to her.

“How was it?” she asked as he rolled his pants and put his feet into the pool.

“She left before I could catch up.”

“I’m so sorry, babe.” Y/N wrapped an arm around his shoulders, rubbing his arms. “Maybe you should give her a day or two to cool off and then apologise.”

“I’m afraid it’s not that easy.” He breathed while staring at the water. “It might have been like that when we were children, but it’s different now. We’re both adults. I knew there would be consequences, yet I couldn’t help it.”

Y/N sucked her lips into her mouth, her chest felt so heavy. She hated to see him sad and he had been through so much since the death of his stepfather. She was desperate to cheer him up, she would do anything.

“I think I’m ready.”

Harry turned to look at Y/N, his forehead creased as he was confused. “For what?”

“I’m ready to move in with you,” she said, but a smile turned into a frown as his reaction wasn’t anything like she’d expected. “What? Are you not happy?”

“I am.” He kissed her twice, holding her face. “But...are you?”

“Of course I am. I love you.”

But even after hearing those words, Harry still seemed unsure.

“Do you really want to or you just feel like you have to?”

Y/N was just about to say she wanted to, but her mouth froze as soon as it opened. Do you really want to, Y/N? she asked herself while looking around his enormous backyard.

“Hey, it’s all right.” He cupped her cheeks and turned her face back to him. She expected him to be mad, but he flashed her a toothy grin instead. “You know, when I saw you sitting here all alone, I realised how small you looked compared to all the space in this house. And I think I know the reason you were so reluctant to make that decision.”

“Harry--” She took his wrists, but he didn’t let go.

“Bambi,” he looked into her eyes and smiled, “I think you should keep your flat for now until we’re both ready for such commitment. At least you have your neighbours and won’t be so lonely when I’m away.”

“So it means…” she trailed off, biting her lip. “It means you don’t hate Blake anymore?”

The way Harry cringed at the name made Y/N giggle.

“I still hate that kid, and I still don’t trust him,” he said, his nose crinkled, “but I trust you, and I know you will put him in his place if he ever tries to cross the line.”

“Thank you.” Y/N wrapped both arms around his neck as he hugged her waist, burying his nose into her hair.

“Thank you for putting up with me, kid. As long as you stay, I wouldn’t care if everyone else left.”

“Don’t say shit like that.” She playfully hit his back but didn’t let him go. “I’m gonna have a serious talk with your crazy half-sister tomorrow. She’s crossed the line this time.”

Harry pulled away, eyebrows drew together. “Do you think Isaac gave her Gemma’s number?”

“Probably. For all we know, he could be brainwashed,” she said, making him laugh.

“Well, let’s not make an assumption too soon.”

“Agreed.” Y/N nodded once and dramatically puffed out her chest as she cleared her throat. “I promise you we’ll get to the bottom of this and find out what secrets this young woman might be hiding!”

“Holy shit, you’re so hot when you talk like Sherlock Holmes!”

Y/N’s lips curved into a smile as she poked the dimple on his cheek. “And you’re so lucky to have me.”

#harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #my girl series #older!harry #younger!y/n #bestfriend!harry #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines

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emperorsfoot · 4 years ago

Text

abandoned Star Wars fic #1

This was an AU I started a while back (2014) based off the pre-Disney Buyout version of the Expanded universe. It’s basically just “what if Luke did join the Empire like he was discussing with Owen and Beru back in A New Hope?”

My original plan was for the fic to be a trilogy, following the same main events of the original trilogy. I abandoned it because I got discouraged (for the same reason I always get discouraged when writing fic for a fandom that’s been around since the dawn of time), because the Star Wars fandom is so big and there are so many amazingly talented writers in it that this AU has probably already been written, and probably written better than I could ever write it.

So, I never even posted it.

Until now...

(Oh! Also, it was gonna be a Luke/Mara ship. All my Star Wars fics are Luke/Mara.)

...

[ImpPilot]

Chapter One:

"I'd like three quarters of my pay to go to this account, please. If I can do that." Luke asked.

Even heading strait to the Fleet's financial office immediately after his graduation ceremony instead of going out to celebrate with his bunkmates, it still took an absurd two and a half hours before he could see an actual officer -nothing more than a glorified accountant, really.

"You'll meed to fill out form 6-23-A." Without even looking up from his personal terminal, the financial officer passed Luke a data pad with the blank form already open on it. "You're not the first boy wanting to send money home to his silver-haired mommy. Be sure all the routing numbers are correct and specify whether or not its a savings or checking account, or if its a business account. For business accounts you'll need to fill out an additional form."

"Uh… I think its a domestic checking account…" Luke said. More thinking out loud than actually speaking to the officer. The moisture farm was, technically, a business, but he didn’t think Tattooine was sophisticated enough for business accounts. At least, not reputable ones.

"There's a terminal in the lobby you can use if you need to call home and ask. Regular holo-net fees apply -which this office will not compensate you for." Once again, the financial officer did not look up from his desk.

Right. As if Uncle Owen would even answer. Neither he nor Aunt Beru had answered any of his calls since he left home and signed up with the Fleet.

But they just didn't understand. Luke couldn't spend his life in the day to day routine of moisture farming, watching the rest of the Galaxy turn around him. He wanted to get out and get away. See the world beyond the backwater dust-ball of his childhood and explore brave new worlds in his adulthood. But the Lars hadn't have much money and it wasn't like Luke's late parents (of which very little was spoken of) had seen fit to leave either him or his guardians any money or property of value, there were little avenues or opportunities open to him to get off world. In fact, there were only two possible ways for a poor desert brat like him to get off world.

Join up with a pirate or smugglers crew. Or sign up with the Imperial Space Navy.

So, Luke chose the lesser to two evils.

He signed up for the navy.

At least it was legal.

He went out early the morning of his sixteenth birthday after his mind was made up. Sneaking out of the farm house and into the garage, Luke intended to take the speeder into Anchorhead. Owen was waiting for him in the garage. Intent to stop him. Apparently, his sneaking wasn't too stealthy.

He gave a speech about the stupidity of what he was about to do. That it was foolish and he was just fixing to get himself killed. That he was just like his father -he was a damn fool too!- and that he would just end up hurting everyone else who cared about him. Luke ignored everything his uncle had to say though. His mind was made up and there was nothing Uncle Owen could do to stop him.

Aunt Beru was a bit gentler with him, but still just as disapproving. She met him outside the garage, as he was trying to maneuver the speeder around the complex. She brought him a sandwich lovingly wrapped, as if he were just going out to do maintenance on the vaporators. She asked Luke not to think poorly of his Uncle, he was just trying to protect him. There was a war on and the reason why the Fleet was so eager to lock new recruits into contracts was because they needed more and more bodied every day. That's all he would be to the Navy, just another body to throw into the war.

That time Luke did pause. He placed his hand over hers, resting on the side of the speeder. He assured her that this was something he had to do and that he wouldn't die the death of a nameless soldier. He couldn't explain how or why, but he could feel it. This was something he had to do, and he would not become just another body counted in the war. He would be something.

Perhaps that was the wrong thing to say, because a shadow of fear crossed her face. But it was there and gone in the space of a second. She turned her hand, resting under his and grabbed his wrist, stronger than he thought she was capable of. "Don't… don't use the name Skywalker." She said suddenly. "Its a common name out here on the Rim, but it's a dangerous name to have closer to the Empire. Don't enlist under Skywalker. Use our name. Use Lars."

Luke blinked at her. "Why?"

But she didn't answer and he was in to much of a hurry to wait and pester her.

That was the last he ever heard from either of them. Neither his aunt or uncle either called him or returned any of his calls during his time at the Academy. There was no reason to assume they would answer the comm for him now. In fact, Luke wasn't even sure if they would take his money now that he would actually be earning some. But they had raised him. And the farm wasn't easy or cheap to maintain. Maybe with the extra money, his uncle could hire a few more hands to help them out.

Luke just filled out the form the best that he could and handed it back to financial officer.

"Alright, Lars, your request should be processed in another eight to ten standard days. Everything should be in order by the time for first earning statement is payed." He said looking over the datapad. "Oh, and you forgot to fill out your pilot designation."

"Oh. Right, sorry. Its DS-42-6."

The officer began typing as Luke spoke, filling in the missing information on mental auto-pilot. "D… S… -Wait? DS? Death Star? They assigned a green kid like you to the Death Star!?" He gaped up at the kid, actually looking at him for the first time.

"Top pilot in my graduating class." Luke said, not at all ashamed of the pride that seeped into his voice. Being the top flight student was a significant achievement and not even Uncle Owen could deny that. "I guess they wanna deploy their best people on the most important postings."

"What was that number again?"

"Squad forty-two, pilot number six." He answered.

"Well, Luke Lars, I imagine you going far.

…

Most of Luke's bunkmates went out to celebrate their graduation almost immediately after the ceremonies. That meant that they all had a few hours head start on him and would probably be to faded to be good company when he did arrive. But that still didn't stop Luke from stopping in at the tapcaf they agreed on for their after grad party.

As to be expected, of the twelve men Luke had shared a barracks with for the past two years, only three of them remained when he walked through the door. One of them was just paying his tab, a woman Luke had never seen before under one arm.

"I'm telling ya, baby, I ship out tonight." He was saying to her. "Oh, hey Lars, ya made it! A bit late. Maybe you can scoop Vard and Ika up off the floor."

He left.

Vard and Ika were leaning over a table against the back wall. With a sigh, Luke crossed the tapcaff to assess them. Of the twelve bunkmates that Luke actually got along with, Ika was probably the closest one he would come to calling a 'best friend'. They weren't nearly as close as Luke had been with Biggs, but then, Biggs had to go off and desert on his first tour and place Luke in an uncomfortable situation with ISB right at the start of his second year at the Academy. Some great friend he turned out to be.

But Luke wasn't gonna think about that now. This was the eve of his graduation from the Imperial Naval Academy. This was a happy day. Even if he was about to spend it taking care of his two drunk bunkmates that -in all likelihood- he would never see again. With a conscious effort, Luke pushed Biggs from his mind.

Ika seemed to be past out on the table. A disposable coaster his only cushion against the hard plasteel and vinyl of the tabletop. Vard was at least sitting mostly vertical, but by the looks of it no less drunk. He used one hand to prop his face up while the other shot into the air in an unnecessarily showy greeting. He flailed spastically. "Hey! Look who made it!"

"A bit late, I think." Luke said as he slid into the booth next to Ika.

"Nah. I's cool. We'll just get a new bottle." He flagged down a serving droid. "Another round for me and my buddies. And make the late arrivals a double -to make up for lost time."

"Belay that." He said to the droid. Luke just shook his head. He was in no mood to get drunk tonight. The fact that he was to report for transport and deployment absurdly in the morning or risk missing the boat aside, he just had a feeling it was in his best interest not to get completely sloshed. "We'll have a round of caff instead. And make their's a double."

Vard scoff. "Ya know, Lars, for a guy who never had a daddy growing up, you act an awful lot like my father." With no small amount of effort, he pushed himself to his feet and jerkily maneuvered out of the booth. "Forget this. I'm going to finish cleaning out my bunk."

Staggering mildly, he made his way to the door, where he flagged down a transport. Well, at least he would be safe taxieing back to base.

Luke turned to look at Ika. He should probably call a transport for him too.

Standing, Luke crossed to the public holo-net, passing a very pretty red-head on his way and he lamented the fact that he had to take care of his drunkard friend. She probably wouldn't want to stay and chat with someone who associated with rowdy or irresponsible soldiers like them. Suppressing a sigh, he dialed the public transport company's number that had been very boldly posted over the terminal's key-pad and ordered a taxi to take Ika (and probably him too) back to base.

It didn't take long for the transport to arrive and when it did, Luke helped the driver carry his passed-out friend into the back seat. But Luke didn't feel much like going along. He had come to this tapcaff expecting a party -it was the eve of his graduation, after all- he felt he was entitled to at least some form of celebration. Luke payed the transport driver and went back into the tapcaff.

It was only after he sat back down at their table that the serving droid appeared with their three cups of caff.

Luke's face fell into the palm of his hand.

The pretty red-head by the holo-net terminal gave an amused laugh.

Luke looked back at her and their eyes met over the empty tapcaff. Her eyes were brilliant, and deep, and very very green. The bottom dropped out of his stomach as he felt a wonderful and glittering feeling of exhilaration at the fact that a pretty girl was looking at him with a smile. That glittering feeling was quickly scrubbed away, however, when Luke remembered that he had no idea how to talk to girls.

Back home, he'd hung out with Fixer's girlfriend. But that was always in a group setting and besides, she was already in a relationship with someone. There were a few female cadets at the Academy. But you didn't talk to them like girls unless you wanted to get punched in the dick. Luke really didn't wanna get punched in the dick by the pretty red-head.

Perhaps he hesitated a little to long after their eyes met because the red-head picked up her own drink and crossed the room to sit at his booth. "You gonna drink all those, Cadet?"

Oh, crap. The pretty girl was talking to him. What should he say? Should he make a joke? Or play it strait? Did girls like funny men, or strait forward men? Well, whatever he said, he better say something soon. Luke suddenly realized that his silence was stretching on into awkward territory. "Uh, uh… I, uh… Its 'Pilot'."

"What?" She blinked at him with those deep, sparkling, emerald green eyes.

"I'm not a Cadet anymore." I explained quickly, his ears coloring self-consciously. "I graduated today. Now I'm a Pilot."

"Oh. I see. A pilot." She gave one of those smiles people give when they're humoring a small child and Luke suddenly felt like he had already messed up with this girl. The flushing of his ears spread to his cheeks. She must have noticed the blush (then again, how could she not?), because she took pity on him. "You're not very good at this, are you?"

Luke blinked. "Uh, not good at what?"

"Flirting." She said as if this should have been obvious. "Chatting up women. Attempting to entice them to leave with you. Shore leave doesn't last forever and you can't afford to waste time. I assume you're shipping out tomorrow?"

"Y-yes." He nodded.

"So you've got, what, maybe seven hours before you have to report to your transport."

"Well, yes, actually." Luke had to pause. She knew an awful lot about military logistics. But then again, this was an Academy town. The locals must be used to young soldier-boys coming and going and trying to pick up their young women in between.

"Well, Pilot, I've got even less time than that." She informed him, running a finger over the rim of one of the untouched caff mugs. "Ya see, I just came here for a quick job and now that the jobs done, I've only got a couple hours before I have to be lifting off and flying out."

"Oh, do you work for a shipping company?" Luke asked. Work was a polite subject to discuss, right?

She just shook her head, her red hair cascading round her shoulders in elegant waves. "No, no, you're getting this all wrong." She said. "Listen, Pilot, I have to ship out soon, you have to ship out soon. You're cute. I'm hot. And we're both lonely. You can't take me back to your barracks, and I won't take you to my ship. So, I was thinking of maybe one of those pay-by-the-hour places down the street from the port. We share a couple hours together, then go our separate ways. I don't tell you my name, you don't tell me your pilot designation."

Luke just blinked at her. It… it sounded like she was trying to proposition him. The blush on his face colored to almost scarlet. Oh, the things Aunt Beru would have to say if she heard this. "I… I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I don't do that sort of thing. I, uh, I wasn't brought up that way. But… if you like, I'll treat you to dinner."

With a sigh, the woman leaned back in her seat. "I don't suppose I've got the time to hunt down a better deal. Alright, Pilot, a chase little dinner date it'll be."

Finally feeling balanced for the first time since she sat down, Luke flagged down the serving droid. "Two menus, please."

She learned forward, resting her chin in her hand. "Well, Pilot, you're the first man to ever refuse my offer. So, either you're a perfect gentleman -which thought were just creatures of pure myth- or else I'm not your type of company."

"Oh, I know I'm not a perfect gentleman." Luke assured her. He was idealistic and given over to fantasies and delusions of grandeur. Definitely not perfect. "But my aunt did raise me to be respectful."

"Good aunt." She took a sip of one of the abandoned cups of caff.

"So…" Luke began awkwardly. "If you don't tell me your name, and I'm not allowed to tell you my pilot designation… what are we gonna talk about?"

"Good question." She nodded, tapping her bottom lip in thought. "What made you decide to become a pilot?"

"I was a little short for a Stormtrooper." He joked. "But actually, I always wanted to be a pilot. My father was a navigator on a spice freighter and a navigator is basically a co-pilot."

...

AND THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE!

That was Mara Jade sitting with him at the tap caff, BTW. Luke wasn’t gonna see her again until after the destruction of the Death Star.

Vader was gonna “sense a ripple in the Force” once Luke arrived on the Deathstar for his tour of duty. But he wasn’t actually going to take note of Luke specifically until Obi-Wan, Han, and... BIGGS DARKLIGHTER break onto the Deathstar to rescue Leia.

In this AU, Biggs lives. He’s the one who makes the shot that destroys the Deathstar.

Luke and Vader are the only survivors.

After their fighters (Vader’s TIE Advanced, and Luke’s shitty regular live-1 TIE fighter) are picked up by another Imperial ship, Vader confronts Luke face-to-mask.

Luke’s all like “I wanted to be a pilot because of my father.”

To which Vader replies “Owen Lars has never been, nor will he ever be, a pilot.” (Remember: Luke enlisted under the name “Lars”.)

Luke should be confused by Vader knowing so much about his uncle, but Luke’s also kinda dumb. So he just assumed Vader read his personnel file. He get’s all self-conscious and confesses to enlisting under a different name. Owen Lars is actually his uncle, not his father. His father’s name was Skywalker.

Vader doesn’t visibly react, but behind his mask he’s just like, “OH SHIT!”

And that’s where the “A New Hope” volume of this AU was gonna end.

#star wars #luke skywalker #Darth vader #luke lars #alternate universe #au #pre-disney buyout #expanded universe #eu #mara jade #fan fiction #abandoned project #renkonnairu

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self-proclaimed-chaotic-good · 4 years ago

Text

Thank U, Next | Poe Dameron x Reader (2/2)

Prompt: Joy

Fandom: Star Wars (Sequel Trilogy)

Words: 6049 (idk what happened)

Warning: Minor swearing? Mentions of bullying. Some chonks of dialogue here and there.

A/N: So this became longer than expected, but I wanted to make sure I wrapped up everything. I hadn’t written this much for a fic in a long time and I hope a coherent story came out of it.

You dropped off a container of beef stew at Finn’s house and was dragged into a long conversation by his parents on what you’ve been up to. It was always the same spiel that you told the others. You had a cozy apartment in New York, you had work published, and now you’re waiting for your big break. Half an hour before lunch, you excused yourself, giving yourself time to calm down before you reached the diner.

You were the first to arrive, picking a booth near the corner and a window. When the waiter came by, you debated whether you should order for Poe, assuming that his taste buds are the same, then thought better of it. You simply ordered two waters and said you were expecting someone else.

Poe’s truck pulled into the parking lot eight minutes later. He spotted you through the window and waved. You offered a smile, taking a deep breath to compose yourself as he made his way inside the diner. The waiter came by just as Poe sat down. He flipped through the menu and gave his order, saying exactly what you thought he’d order. He hadn’t changed. The waiter left after you gave him your order.

“So, how are things?” Poe asked.

You shrugged. “They’re good,” you said, “You?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Just good?”

“Yeah, you know. What else can I say? Nothing eventful had happened lately. Everything’s just routine at this point.”

He hummed, not buying it. “What happened to the story you wrote our senior year? I would have thought that you’d do some revisions before getting published.”

“Oh, that thing,” you said, feigning indifference as you wiped the side of your cup with a finger, “It’s… I kind of gave up on that one, you know?”

“Why? It was so good!”

You shrugged again. You wanted to believe him, but this nagging feeling in your brain, telling you that he was lying, that he doesn’t know what he’s talking, wouldn’t stop every time he complimented your story. It was like a sensory alarm that went off every time he touched a certain subject. You had hoped that you’d get over this feeling, but it was something that was more recent than your time with Poe was, and it affected you more deeply and painfully.

“Didn’t think it’d be something that I wanted to be known for. I wanted to try different writing styles and genres to find where I fit. Besides, I didn't think you’d remember that one. It was so long ago.”

“Are you kidding me? I loved that story. There were moments that made me laugh, made me cry, and it was just so relatable and interesting. I really think you should revisit that one.”

“Yeah, I’ll try. Maybe it’ll help my writer’s block.”

The rest of the day was spent on eating and talking about high school. He brought up the time when someone tried to pull a prank on the soccer team by spiking their watercooler during an important game, but got caught because the cooler fell over them. Then, that time when he was performing with his band and one of his fangirls ran on stage to try and kiss him.

“There were so many people that hated me when we were together,” you said, shaking your head.

“Aw, come on. I don’t think it was that bad,” he said.

You scoffed. “Poe, I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without girls following me, sneering at me and telling me that I wasn’t good enough for you. That one day you were going to leave me for someone else once you got bored of me and that you were only with me because you felt sorry for me. Remember the time we went to Rose’s house when her parents were away and some asshole invited a bunch of people? We got separated and your fangirls decided to team up and dunk me into the pool and hold me there. If Finn, Snap, and Kare weren't there, I would have drowned.”

Poe frowned, sitting back. “I… I didn’t know that happened. (Y/n/n), why didn’t you tell me?”

You sighed, scratching your head in frustration, memories of your arguments over it resurfacing. “I did, but you dismissed it. You said that they were drunk and didn’t mean it to go that far.”

“(Y/n/n), I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t know. I just thought… I don’t know why, but I thought you were exaggerating. I should have known better. I should have known that you wouldn’t lie about these kinds of stuff.”

“Yeah… which was one of the reasons why I thought we wouldn’t have lasted long after we graduated,” you said softly. “All kinds of problems when it comes to long distance relationships.”

“We could have at least tried.”

“And if it came to the point where someone tells you that, I don’t know, that I was cheating on you, which has happened to many couples that are involved in the military, what would you have done? Or if something happened while you were away? Were you just going to brush it off, or get angry if I want to talk about it?”

“Well, we'll never know, now, will we?” he countered.

You let out a heavy sigh, gathering your things. “I’m sorry. I’m instigating again,” you said, taking out some bills to pay for the meal, “It really was nice to talk to you again, Poe, really. I think it’s best if I get going.”

Poe’s hand shot out and grabbed your wrist before you could leave. “No, you’re not running away again. Please, let’s just take this conversation elsewhere, okay? I’ve got the check. Meet me by the docks?”

He pleaded with his warm brown eyes, his grip on you loosening. He grabbed your money and gave it back to you, taking out his own wallet to pay. You reluctantly let him, shoving the money back in your bag.

“Fine. The docks at eight.”

“Thank you.”

You stopped by the house before meeting Poe, helping your mother with some chores around the house. Your mother was acting weird, glancing at you every now and then with a weird look. You asked her what was wrong, but she simply shrugged it off.

“So, I heard that you and Poe were hanging out today,” she said casually as she washed the dishes.

“Really?” you asked incredulously.

“It’s a small town, kid,” she said with a shrug, “Besides, I like him. Good kid. Stubborn, though, wanting to follow his parents’ footsteps in the military. A bit oblivious, too. I remember you coming home upset because he got carried away when talking with his friends and he didn’t realize that there were girls flirting with him. Besides all of that, you guys were good together. Not like that guy from New York-”

“Is that what this is all about?” You leaned against the counter and crossed your arms.

Your mother turned the faucet off and wiped her hands. “Sweetie, I heard from Armitage that Ben was in town-”

“He’s telling everyone, has he? What a rat.”

She shook her head. “Millicent was in the garden again and Armitage came by to get her. It just sort of came up about Ben. Armitage was just concerned for you, that’s all.”

“If he’s so concerned, then he should have told his friend to stop being an asshole.”

“Armitage said they stopped talking after he heard about what happened between the two of you.”

You walked away, sitting at the dining table without a word. Your mother sighed, taking a seat next to you. She took your hands into her own, but you refused to look at her.

“I’m sensing that there are things that you have not told me about what happened between you and Ben. I’m not forcing you to tell me, just that I’m always here to talk, okay?” You nodded. She leaned forward, pecking your forehead, before patting your shoulders. “Right, you’re going to meet your pilot boy. Tell him I said hi, alright?”

“Okay.”

The bed of Poe’s truck was facing the docks, the tailgate open with a lamp sitting on it. Poe was taking out a cooler and a blanket when you arrived. He took out a beer bottle from the cooler and handed one to you before hopping onto the tailgate. You followed suit, grabbing the bottle opener while you stared out at the water.

“Excited for the reunion?” he asked.

“Yes and no. Probably just going to stick to my people the whole night.”

Poe nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I lost touch with a lot of people when I left. Gonna be weird to see my old friends from school.”

“And your fangirls?” you teased.

He huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. “They’re probably all married anyways.”

“They’ll probably leave their husbands’ sides to follow you. I mean, look at you. You’re still quite a catch, Poe.”

He looked at you and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? I only want one person to catch me, though. If they want me.”

“Can’t imagine why anyone would want to be caught by… that person. They seemed to only mess things up.”

“Hey, that’s not true. A relationship isn’t just one person, (Y/n). I’ve messed some stuff up, too. Hell, I haven’t been able to maintain a long relationship for a while. People break up for one reason or another. But, sometimes, that doesn’t mean they can’t try again.”

You took a swig of your beer and leaned back, feeling his eyes following your every movement. You shifted in your spot, turning back to the water in front of you. Light from the docks and the town reflected off its inky black surface, a sliver of the moon peeking out from the clouds, illuminating everything else.

“You’re saying you wanna try ‘us’ again? Poe, you’re up in the air most of the time.”

“That’s true, but your work can be done anywhere, right? You’ve always said that you wanted to travel and it would help your writing. Maybe this time, you can come with me.”

“Where is all of this coming from?”

“Would it be crazy to say that I never stopped thinking about you?”

“It’s pretty crazy, actually.”

A long time ago, those sweet words would have heated your cheeks and made you feel giddy. Now you take each word with hesitation and skepticism, as if those sugar cubes were actually salt blocks. It’s one thing to say sweet things, it’s another to act on them.

“Besides,” you said, the bottle inches from your lips, “We’re not the same people from high school anymore.”

“Then, we’ll start over.”

You sighed. “Can we just drop it for now and enjoy the view?”

“Okay,” he relented, shifting around to get comfortable, “We can do that.”

You stayed like that until it was late. It was nice to sit in silence. It wasn’t awkward between you two, just two people enjoying the peacefulness of the night. Such a stark contrast to the hustle and bustle of New York with an active nightlife.

When it was time to head home, Poe pulled you into a long hug, the heat from his body radiating off of him and shielding you from the cold breeze. You slowly raised your arms, wrapping them around him. You missed this. You missed him. So much. You wished you could stop pulling away from him, but you had scars that you weren’t ready for him to see.

One more day until your class reunion. You weren’t exactly jumping for joy, but it wasn’t like you were going to be alone, either. You met up with Finn and Rey at the mini golf course, taking turns while you talked. Even though you met Rey recently, it was like talking to an old friend. You would tell her about the time Finn claimed to have asthma so he’d be excused from running laps in PE and she’d tell you how they met and how they felt like they were going to die on one of their dates when the elevator stopped working.

After the last round and almost getting smacked by Rey’s bicep, the three of you went to go and get pizza. It was under new owners from the last time you’ve been there, but they kept the retro charm with the brick and mortar walls and arcade games in the corner.

“So,” Finn said, sipping his soda as he narrowed his eyes at you, “I heard you were hanging around with Dameron.”

You groaned, taking a big bite of your pizza. Finn smirked, unfazed by your glare.

“Who’s Dameron, again?” Rey asked.

“Poe. One of (Y/n)’s exes,” he said, “Pretty cool dude, too. They broke up because he wanted to go join the military.”

“Yeah, thanks for telling everyone about my love life, friend,” you said.

“Understandable,” Rey, looking at you sympathetically, “I heard it’s hard to maintain a relationship when your significant other is in the military.”

“Thank you.”

“I shipped you two so hard,” Finn continued, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Well, life… you know?”

Finn nodded, raising his soda. You and Rey clinked your glasses with his and drank.

“I can tell you one thing, though, I’ve heard about our classmates, and less than half of them ended up in the same career path that they had set out to do when we graduated. Man, so much for pressuring us to pick our college major in Freshman year, right? Why couldn’t they have taught us budgeting and work ethic in different work environments?”

You hummed. “Maybe you should be a teacher, Finn.”

“See?” Rey said excitedly, pointing at her fiance, “That’s what I’ve been telling him!”

He shrugged. “Yeah, but I’ve been concentrating on more fitness. Maybe be a PT? Rey’s the one getting her doctorates, so when I go to her high school reunion, I can be the trophy husband to a successful doctor.”

“Aw, Finnie.” Rey leaned her head on his shoulder.

You sighed, drinking your soda as if it was alcohol. The price you pay for hanging out with your friends who are a couple, becoming the third wheel. You looked down at your tray of pizza. Maybe you could try and finish it all by yourself. Sometimes when they’re wrapped up in each other, it’ll take a while for them to snap out of it, which means you might be there for a while.

You couldn’t sleep that night, knowing that Ben was going to be there. So far, you hadn’t ran into him, which was saying a lot because you ran into a lot of old classmates and teachers the past few days. Unless he was actively avoiding you.

Your mother found you sitting at the kitchen table slouching over two chocolate pudding cups. She wordlessly got her own cup and sat next to you, waiting. You sighed, leaning back in your chair. Where to begin?

“The reason why I haven’t written my book is… because I had been writing scripts for Ben,” you said, staring down at your spoon, “Scripts that Ben had taken and put under his name, and his name alone. I didn’t know until I went to visit him on one of his sets that he had done that. He said that he took my idea and changed some of the major points of the story, so he technically wrote it. Then, I went to the film festival with him and saw that it was almost exactly the same script that I wrote. I foolishly did it again and again, believing him when he said that he’ll have me more involved in his movies and… he didn’t.”

You shook your head, opening another pudding cup. Your mother waited patiently, nodding for you to continue.

“When I confronted him about it, he confessed that he made some deal with an indie film studio and that it would be more profitable and more exposure for him to take the credit. After all, I only write simple little stories that even a high schooler could write,” you added the last bit bitterly, “I’m scraping by while doubting my life choices of doing something I love instead doing something where I won’t gamble whether I’d earn enough money to pay for food and rent. Meanwhile, Ben’s having a field day winning awards for his directing and screenwriting at film festivals, not that he ever lived uncomfortably, being the mayor’s son and all.

“I just,” you sighed in frustration, your eyes beginning to sting as the exhaustion and anger took over you, “I’ve been told so many times how I’m not good enough, how writing won’t pay the bills, how writing doesn’t even take any skills or effort. I’ve been talked down to because of my choices, as if I was stupid or lazy. I’ve been trying to use spite to get me through this, reminding myself that this is what I’ve always wanted to do, no matter how many times the publishers tell me to change my stories into another cliche, but it’s tiring. It’s not enough. And I was stubborn to try and stick to my guns instead of compromising, because that would mean that everyone was right and that whole thing with Ben… I thought I could finally be with someone without giving up my dreams, but being with him made me question whether they should just stay as dreams and not a reality.”

“Oh, sweetie,” your mother said softly, pulling you in as you furiously wiped the tears that just kept falling.

“I don’t know what I’m doing! I don’t know if I want to write anymore. I tried and… nothing seemed to stick. Nothing felt right.”

“And you think if you were to take a job in, I don’t know, accounting, would you be happy? Even if it paid your bills and helped you buy that nice apartment?”

“No, of course not, but at least it’s something. It’s not like anyone is impressed with a writer unless they’re New York Times’ bestseller and become a movie franchise. It’s so frustrating. I want to do what I love, but I want to live comfortably while doing it.”

“And you will,” your mother assured you, rubbing your back soothingly, “I can feel that you’re close, so close to making it. You just have to keep pressing on. You’ll get there and it wouldn’t be to prove people wrong or show Ben up, it’ll be for you. Go back and find that drive you had when you began writing, everything else will follow. You are talented, (Y/n), and you have people that love you and care for you. If things are meant to be, if you feel it in your heart that it’s right, then it will work out.”

“Thanks, mom.”

“There better be a dedication for me at the front of the book.”

You both laughed. “Yeah, it might take a whole page.”

Talking with your mother helped ease your nerves a bit and Finn and Rey had texted you, offering to carpool with them. You accepted, being reassured once again that they’ll have your back.

You dressed casual, not expecting anything too fancy for the reunion. On your way towards campus, Finn began to play music that was popular from your time at school and you discovered that Rey had an amazing voice.

“You think that they’ll make a slideshow?” Finn asked.

“God, I hope not,” you groaned, “I looked terrible.”

“No, you didn’t! You dated two of the hottest guys in school, me and Dameron,” he said confidently.

“Nice compliment while tooting your own horn there, friend.”

“Hey, and also, you can tell that looks don’t matter to you ‘cause you had a crush on Hux, too.”

“Hey, I thought he was cute. Don’t judge me.”

“Oh, is he the ginger one that we saw the other day walking his cat?” Rey asked. Finn nodded. “I… I can kind of see it. Yeah.”

“You don’t sound convincing. Anyways! You guys were talking about visiting New York sometime this year?”

There was a new gym on your old high school campus, topped with solar panels and an air condition unit. The parking lot was gradually filling up, a trickle of a line leading into the new gym, the front double doors wide open with streamers and balloons in the school’s colors bordering them.

Finn pulled up next to a familiar truck, making you roll your eyes. He flashed you a cheeky grin before climbing out, rushing around to hold Rey’s door open. You stared at the campus, at the newly painted walls, cleaner drinking water fountains, neatly trimmed grass, and the large banner that ran across the front of the main office welcoming your alumni class. You could see your younger self hanging out by the old gym with your friends, or waiting outside of the bandroom for Poe, or setting up a booth for your school club.

“Feels weird, doesn’t it?” Poe asked from behind you.

“You have to stop doing that,” you scolded him, smacking his arm.

He winced, rubbing the spot where you hit him. “At least you’re slowly treating me like how you used to.”

“Hey, Dameron!” Finn called out, tackling him into a hug.

Poe grunted before hugging him back. “Hey, you act like we haven’t drank together earlier this week. This must be Rey, right?”

Rey smiled, coming over to give him a more gentle hug. “Nice to meet you, Poe. I’ve heard so much about you,” she said.

While the two of them conversed about flying vehicles, you pulled Finn on the side, looking around cautiously. “I forgot to tell you before we came here…,” you started in a hushed tone, “So, there’s this thing with Ben-”

“Ben Solo?”

“Yes, him, I want to pretty much avoid him if possible and I need your help with that.”

Finn frowned in concern, cracking his knuckles. “Did he hurt you?”

“He never hit me,” you said quickly, “Just… it just really affected me mentally and emotionally, you know? I just don’t want to deal with that right now.”

“When did this happen?”

“We ran into each other in New York at a book signing. We caught up with each other, got coffee, then we started dating, so… that was a while ago, though.”

Finn nodded, patting your shoulder. “Don’t worry. We got your back, remember? Does Poe know?”

You shook your head. “I don’t think so.”

“Great, ‘cause him and Solo had some beef in high school.”

“Of course he does. Poe thinks he’s some kind of resistance leader or something.”

All four of you made your way towards the gym, signing in and writing out your name tags. Finn looped his arm with Rey and dragged her towards the punch bowl, leaving you trailing behind with Poe. He slowly offered his arm for you to take. You stared at it for a while as he nudged you with it. You thought back to what your mother had told you. You had people that love and care about you. Despite what happened between you two, despite the years apart, Poe Dameron still cared. Even if you weren’t able to move your relationship forward to more than friends, he would at least still be in your life.

You wrapped your arms around his bicep, the corner of Poe’s lips turning up as you did so, and the two of you made your way over to where Finn was talking to one of your former teachers, Lando Calrissian. He turned and broke into a wide smile as he greeted the two of you.

Throughout the day, the four of you made your rounds with the teachers and your fellow classmates. Just as you predicted, some of the women that had a crush on Poe briefly left their husbands’ side to greet him and linger around, finding any form of small talk as an excuse to stick around.

“I heard the two of you broke up after graduation,” one of them said, “Did you two get back together?”

“Not yet,” Poe answered before you could say anything, “Still tryna win (Y/n) over again. Worth it, though, right?” He bumped his forehead onto your head in an act of displaying affection.

She forced a smile on her face. “Aw, that’s so sweet,” she said before walking away.

“I should have bet money on that happening,” you muttered.

“Man, did you see her face?” Poe chuckled, turning to face you, “Besides, betting only works if I wanted to oppose you on that, and I’m tired of doing that with you. I was serious, though. I really want us to try again, but if you don’t want to, then fine. If you want to just stay friends, good. One word from you shall silence me forever, (Y/n), I’m serious.”

“Slow down, there, Mister Darcy,” you said, “It’s not even the end of the night yet.”

Your little group grew with the added Janna, Rose, Armitage, Snap, Kare, Jessika, and more came by to talk. Living in New York, you didn’t have much friends. A few writing buddies, a few college classmates, a neighbor, the nice couple that ran the restaurant downstairs, and your editor. Coming here, that uneasy feeling that you had, you realized, was vulnerability. It wasn’t something you’d normally do living in New York, even around friends. But, with these people, the ones that you grew up with, it was easy to let your guard down and enjoy the moment.

You were having fun and you were glad that you decided to come. Though as time went on, you felt your throat tighten and your eyes stinging. It was starting again. You excused yourself, walking out of the gym for some air. Poe watched you leave, concern written all over his face. Rose nudged him, assuring that you were fine and needed air.

You sat down on one of the benches overlooking the basketball and tennis courts. Leaning back, you inhaled deeply before exhaling slowly. Whenever you felt overwhelming happiness, dread was always there waiting to ruin it. You couldn’t even remember when it started, but you became better at dealing with it.

“Didn’t think you’d come.”

You froze, not wanting to turn to face the source of that voice. Out of all times that he would try to approach you, he chose the time where you were alone away from everyone else. You sensed him sit down next to you. For a while, you sat in silence. It was a different silence than with Poe. With Poe, it was comforting and relaxing, with no words needed to be said. By the end of it, you would feel refreshed like you had come out of meditation. With Ben, it was like sitting with an energy vampire, and by the end of it, you felt tired and drained.

“I didn’t think you’d come, either,” you said, your voice breaking the silence. You tried to raise your chin, preparing for battle.

Ben sighed, shifting around. You heard crumpling, then something nudging your hand. You looked down and saw a thick manila envelope. You dared to look up at him for the first time in a year. He looked tired.

“What’s this?” you asked.

“It’s… I’m sorry that I took your work, took everything that you could have used as evidence to prove that they’re your work,” he said, looking down, “I’ve gathered all of them and put it in your envelope so you could submit it for copyright. If you want to take legal actions, I’ll happily allow it.”

Allow it. Sure. As if he was giving me permission. He’s probably patting his back for this one good deal he’s doing. You took the envelope, feeling the weight of it, picturing all the scripts that you had written in the past. Writing came easy to you back then. Then you remembered all the lies he had told you. When you were no longer willing to do what he wanted, you were no longer useful. There was this heavy feeling in your chest, something wanting to come out unless you’ll explode. The sad thing was that he wasn’t always like this, and it was probably why you foolishly kept overlooking or denying his bad behavior.

“We could have worked together,” you said, “And you had to go and pull that shit?”

“I know, I’m sorry.” It was hard to tell if he was being genuine. You could no longer trust your instincts when it came to him.

“You would dare criticize my writing when you couldn’t even write anything for yourself? And you just know that I would believe all of it, and you still kept at it. Do you know how hard it was to write anything after what you put me through? Being told my writing is not complex or sophisticated enough, being told that my own scripts aren’t even my own, watching you keep those awards for screenwriting while no one else would want to even look at my work? Sorry isn’t going to cut it, Ben Solo.”

Ben inhaled sharply. “Then, what the hell do you want me to do, huh? All your stuff is there. Go and copyright it, sue me for plagiarism, and I’ll pay you the fees.”

“Fees that you could easily pay off,” you said, standing up, “But when I do speak to my lawyer, I’ll see what else I can do to you.”

“Yeah, would you be happy then?”

You glared down at him. “After all of that, I’ll finally be free of you, so maybe I will be,” you said, then added in a low voice, “It’s a shame, though. I thought we worked well together, but sharing wasn’t exactly your thing. You hurt me, Ben. I don’t think we could even be friends after this.”

“Right, like how your close friends with Armitage, Finn, and Poe, right? Just friends?” Ben snapped.

You shook your head at him. “You are utterly ridiculous, Solo. Just be glad I hadn’t told your mom about what you did.”

You let out another slow exhale as you walked away, your work in hand, and a heavy weight left behind. It wasn’t completely over, but the burden of it hanging over your shoulders was gone. All that was left was tying loose ends. Then after, you can start again.

In the gym, they had already set up the small stage with chairs scattered about. Poe sat on stage with a guitar in hand. He shifted on the stool that was clearly too small for him, tuning the guitar as he looked around. You found an empty seat between Rey and Rose at the front and sat down. Poe smiled as you met his eyes and he began to play.

At the end of the night, you and the girls decided to hang out for the rest of the week before you and Rey had to fly back home. You exchanged numbers and looked up movies playing. A few of you had different choices of movies, but Rose suggested that they should time it so we could watch all of them. After parting with the others, Poe jogged up to you.

“Hey,” he said, “I really enjoyed the past few days. It was nice to hang out again. I’m, uh, I actually have to leave tomorrow night. One of the pilots got sick, so… I was wondering, ‘cause I know you’re spending time with the girls and I don’t want to take too much of your time, but if you could see me off? Even if just for a few minutes.”

You sighed, looking down at your shoes, then back at Rose and Rey who had paused their conversation to give you a thumbs up. You shook your head and turned back to Poe. He waited patiently with pleading eyes, chipping away at your remaining walls.

“Okay. Just text me what time and I’ll try to be there before you go,” you said, taking out your phone.

You handed your phone over and watched as Poe excitedly inputted his number before texting himself. “Okay, all set,” he said.

“This doesn’t mean anything more than it has to be,” you reminded him.

“I know. We’ll take it one step at a time. Restart.”

“Thank you, Poe,” you said softly, stepping forward and catching him by surprise as you pulled him into a hug.

Poe returned the hug, engulfing you fully. “Don’t mention it, (Y/n/n). I’m one call away if you need me.”

The next day, you drive to the airport an hour before Poe heads off to his gate. As a pilot, he could pass the gruelling standard TSA checks and flash his ID, but he waited for you in his pilot uniform. Jessika had given you all a ride and offered to drive you to the airport. They girls had gone to Starbucks while you made your way over to his airlines.

He spotted you, giving you a long salute, which you returned, then grabbed his luggage, making his way towards the escalators up. He turned around one last time and waved. Raising your hand to wave back, you couldn’t help but see his military uniform instead of his pilot uniform, thinking what if you had at least been there when he was first shipped off. When he was out of sight, you turned and slowly made your way towards the others.

Coming back to your hometown, you didn’t expect much to happen. You expected nostalgia, of course, like looking at an old doll house you used to play with. The bittersweet feeling in your stomach as you flipped through photo albums with your mother, as you drive by your old hang out spots, and seeing your classmates for the first time in ten years. You expected to feel distant from them. These were all familiar things, but you were not the same person that left this town, and neither is everyone else.

You didn’t expect to be pulled into a warm embrace, to be fully welcomed back, to be seen and treated as yourself as you are now and not expected to be yourself from ten years ago. You didn’t expect this much confrontation, of the past coming back and making you face them head on to set things straight. You didn’t expect to feel lighter and stronger and more confident, acknowledging everything that you had gone through and their effects on you, that they were things that you were capable of overcoming.

On your last day in your hometown, until next time, you had a teary goodbye with your friends and your mother. You promised to be in more touch with them this time and that they were free to visit you in New York any time.

Taking your window seat and settling in, you took out your journal and flipped through all the scribbles of ideas you had done. You turned to a blank page and began to write. You ignored any grammatical mistakes you made and kept going, knowing that once your flow is going, you had to go with it or get stuck. The only thing that stopped you was a familiar voice.

“Good morning, passengers, and thank you for choosing our airlines-” Poe announced.

You smiled, leaning back in your chair. After talking to your mother about what you were going to do once you got back to New York, you decided that you weren’t going to worry about things too far in the future. You were going to focus on the present and set up long and short time goals. You could still work on that novel, but you could also put together anthologies for a start. Maybe go back into script writing. Maybe even revisit that story you wrote in high school.

It’s just like what Poe said, life was funny. You plan something, you end up doing something else, but if it was meant to be, you somehow end up where you had always wanted to go from the start.

And you feel that it’s finally happening for you.

#WritersMonth2020 #poe dameron x reader #past Finn x Reader #background Finn x Rey #poe dameron #past ben solo x reader #star wars imagine #star wars sequel trilogy #star wars #High school reunion au #high school au

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ariainstars · 4 years ago

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Sorry, But I Don’t Support Minorities (Any More)

For a start: I will not use inclusive language in this text. (I usually don’t, only in this case I want to make sure it’s known from the start.)

Secondly, if you identify as trans or non-binary and / or are a huge Harry Potter fan, I am warning you: don’t read this.

If you do want to hear me out, be respectful in your comments or hold them back altogether. I won’t tolerate bullying merely because I am expressing my own opinion. Though the topic touches a sore spot in me, too, I will be as objective as I can.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am not and never was a fan of J.K. Rowling and her works. I found the Harry Potter hype strongly exaggerated, the books mildly unoriginal and biased, the films ok until they became so overloaded with derivation from other sources (dragons, elves, magic wands, brooms, unicorns, centaurs, phoenixes, basilisks, flying horses - stories like Star Trek or Star Wars at least have their own world-building) and later so dark that they were no fun anymore. In my opinion an average writer was lucky because she tapped into a trend and was at the right place and right time with her stories. I daresay years from now many fans will wonder why they liked these stories so much and realize that they just jumped on a train, having been too young and naïve to question it.

I don’t own any of Rowling’s books or DVDs or merchandise and I never have been part of the fandom. So, I come from a different corner when I say that I have my own attitude about the current shitstorm regarding J.K. Rowling now being coded as “transphobic”. This is due to personal reasons of my own.

1. The Discussion Can Add Confusion

Rowling stated that in her youth she had problems with her own identity due to her father having wanted her to be a boy. I can understand that because I went through a long period in my late teens and early twens where I had difficulties identifying with the sex I was born with. At times I also felt physically attracted to females. In my case, it turned out to merely be a phase: I am an average cis woman. I can understand that for some people, such doubts may turn out to be more than a phase. But I know what Rowling refers to because I have been there. And I am grateful that there was no gender discussion when I was young because it would have confused me even more than I actually was, and I already had more than enough other problems. I was and I am a “common” woman, but there was a time in my life when I did not like it very much. That time was bad enough, combined as it was with other aspects in my life I had to come to terms with, which at times almost drove me to despair to the point where I contemplated suicide. So, I am glad that in my time being gay / straight / trans / cis / non-binary or other was not such an issue, at least not where I grew up. With my confusion and disorientation, well-meaning people might have taken the opportunity to encourage me to “embrace my lesbianism / trans identity”, when in truth I am neither. I was discouraged, from many sides, to liking myself, and that self-loathing took many forms.

I am extremely cautious when it comes to gender identification because I know that finding one’s way in life under difficult circumstances can take years and years and end in a very different place from where it started, well beyond adolescence. In my case, for a long time I thought I was “not really female” because I love my independence and never wished for children: this is not due to some masculine trait inside of me but to my growing up with a disturbed mother who strongly invaded my life and mind and did everything that was in her power to trap me. I suspected that something was wrong with her since my early teens, but I found out the truth only about twenty years later. I had to accept her the way she is and put distance between us.

Then there were my peers: where and when I grew up it was trendy to be (or appear) as tomboyish and easy-going as possible because this was seen as a sign of a “strong, modern, emancipated female”: fie on you if you wore your hair a little longer, liked clothes or only had to much as a flower-pattern on your notebook. Again: I simply had to get away. For many years I had been led to believe that my too “female” or “masculine” traits were a problem, when the actual problem was not mine. And if this happened to me, I daresay there may be many others in similar situations; which is something that who supports and encourages trans people usually does not consider. People who are confused about their sexuality without actually being trans need understanding as well.

2. What About Us?

As a native Italian, I cringe when I only think e.g. of Lady and the Tramp’s silly “Bella notte” scene or films like Good Fellas or of The Godfather trilogy, cultural phenomena that did a lot to cement the general audience’s idea of how Italians are like. Not to our advantage. - No, “bella notte” is not correct Italian. No, we don’t play the mandolin, it’s an outmoded instrument that you are more likely to find in a museum. And no, spaghetti with meatballs are not Italian food!

Following the 2009 economic crises many countries in the European Community applied for financial “umbrellas”; Italy didn’t, it paid into those funds. Italy was the first Western country who went into lockdown as the Covid-19 crisis struck. The country functioned, though under huge restrictions and security measures. In both cases, other countries’ reactions in and outside Europe were like: “Typical - Italians are too lazy to work!” When it came to negotiating an economic pact to help Europe start again, the countries who had said this the loudest held their purse-strings tight - after having locked down too late and hidden the truth about the casualties in their own countries. Convenient.

Italians are generally often seen as silly and not trustworthy. And nobody talks about how demeaning and disrespectful, and on the long run damaging, it is to portray us in such a stereotyped way which at best is good for a laugh. The prejudices stick, and they have destroyed or turned into a living hell many existences.

There are huge now discussions about banning films like e.g. Gone With the Wind due to its “clichéd portrayal of Blacks”. Nobody talks about abolishing The Godfather or other films of that kind although they contribute to the stigma that Italians are either all in league with the mafia, or easy-going, silly folks who sing and drink wine all day and have no idea of what hard work means. Most Italians have too much personal pride to victimize themselves and bo-hoo “the rest of the world just won’t understand us”. They love their country but that does not make them not blind to its shortcomings. I hope they stay that way. In any case, I intend to.

3. The Actual Problem: Bullying

I can sympathize with anyone who comes out as trans because I know what it’s like to be bullied. I was bullied myself for many years due to my Italian origin as well as my upbringing while I had to live among persons who were on a lower social level than I. I was e.g. accused of being stuck-up and “inhibited”. I know now that the female bullies were envious of my self-esteem and insinuating that I was missing “fun”; while the males were counting on another girl being at any guy’s disposal for free and were angry when I didn’t let them have their way with me.

The actual problem with any kind of intolerance and discrimination is bullying. Whatever form it takes, bullying is or ought to be unacceptable. Bullies will be bullies, they do not care who they harass and why: if they e.g. can be convinced to leave trans people alone, they will vent their frustrations and build up their self-image by bullying people who are fat or black or whatever. Except trans people won’t be there to witness that (unless by coincidence they are both trans and fat / black etc.)

We live in a world that gives a great deal of importance on competitiveness; as a result, even in families, schools and other institutions that ought to educate children and youngsters to be respectful towards themselves and others, bullying is often not seen as such, or simply downplayed as “assertiveness”. Bullies do not want to hear reasonable argumentation and learn to be sympathetic: they want to show off their power, provoke an emotional reaction from their victims to see how far they can go, and gloat when they can hurt them. They will not change their minds and they will never be trustworthy, no matter how many discussions about your particular situation you have with them.

To bullies, the world is a jungle where only the strongest have the right to survive; any attempt to make them rethink their attitude will only make them laugh at their victims’ alleged stupidity (because that’s what a humane, respectful attitude is to them) even more. The only language they understand is violence. If you are bullied, protect and, if you can, defend yourself; never try to discuss. Minorities were silent and subdued for such a long time with good reason: because they knew that the more they held their heads up and did not hide what made them different, the more targets they offered for bullies. No one ought to go in hiding because he is queer or black or Jewish etc., but sometimes it’s unavoidable simply for self-protection. I am almost fifty years old and I have never witnessed a nasty person changing for the better. If anything, they became worse, because every time they got away, they felt more superior than before.

Particularly sly bullies will make their victims believe that they have changed, maybe even pulling off the role “I’m a victim myself”. Please, please, whether you belong to a group of minorities or not: don’t listen to them. Ever. Maybe they once were victims, but it turned them into arseholes, and now they are sunk too far in their own filth to care. Compassion is a good thing, but it should never go as far as to delude yourself, endure abuse and sympathize until you become an object for compassion yourself.

For instance, I like wearing dresses, cooking and sewing and looking after my household. Fifty years ago, that would have made me a pattern housewife; nowadays, feminists would either want to strangle me or at least have a good laugh at my expense. This just goes to show how short-sighted any kind of prejudice and bullying is. Any human being ought to follow its own nature with a healthy self-esteem, and esteem others as well. But with our today’s view of the world we are supposed to be not altruistic and respectful but “strong” so that “we will make our way in life” (i.e. feed capitalism in any way we can); and nothing can make you feel “strong” more easily than finding someone who is allegedly weaker and pick on him. We are expected to be “winners”, and the first thing winners need are “losers” to serve them as a foil. The pool from which to choose is large.

4. Who Is Subject to Intolerance Can’t Be Intolerant… Really?

For many years of my life, I always found myself a supporter of someone who was ostracized for one reason or another.

A woman who had left her husband. (It was the early Eighties.) A gay man. A girl who had been harassed by being called ugly. A woman who had been abused sexually by a family member. A woman from East Germany (I live in the West and there are lots of prejudices.)

For the record: these persons were of different age, origin, upbringing, social status, intellectual level and character, and they did not know one another.

I knew and supported them for years, listening, loyal, supportive, interested in their problems and personal development. I never attacked or criticized them. And each and every one of them sooner or later accused me of “not understanding them” and “being prejudiced towards them”. In the case of the abused woman this was particularly unfair because I have been abused myself in my family, though psychically and not sexually. The divorced woman, my own mother, viciously accused me of lying and being in league with her ex-husband after I had been loyal only to her for entire decades.

It appears these people only were my “friends” as long as I told them what they wanted to hear. When I suffered, I was put off with “pull yourself together”. Like I had no problems, because the only people in the world having problems were them. Thank you very much. So, I was supposed to accept their growing insolence due to their being such poor victims, while from their point of view I deserved neither understanding nor respect.

Only recently, in the aftermath of the riots caused by the killing of George Floyd, I posted a comment on a video on youtube… guess what. I was immediately attacked by a black woman saying that my “stupid remark” just went to prove how a white person would never understand “things like these”. She had not even read my post carefully enough to understand what I actually wanted to say, she simply felt entitled to offend me.

I do not say that I dislike trans people or that they are bad, I’m sure there are as many good or bad people among them as anywhere. If someone says e.g. that though born with male organs they identify as female that is their very own affair. I must not like it or understand it. Tolerance means leaving other people alone to do as they please. Any person is “bad” only the moment they behave badly towards others; being different from the mainstream does not count.

But when I have to watch and read people nowadays defending trans or gays or blacks or some other minority, believing to be being open-minded or particularly noble and heroic by supporting them, all I can say is that I have been there and it did me no good. I won’t get caught up in another wave of “minority tolerance”: in my experience, it’s a waste of time. Many of those who now proudly burn their Harry Potter books and proclaim that they will no longer support the author, respectively that they “love Harry Potter but love trans people more” will make the experiences I made. Except they most probably won’t talk about that, because these experiences are so humiliating.

Minorities of any kind do not want to be supported, understood and defended by people who are not in their shoes: it hurts their personal pride. Which I can understand, although it’s a lame excuse for being mean to the very persons whom they expect help and support from. They will tend to envy the ones who do not have their problems due to being white / straight / cis etc., and consequently turn a blind eye to the fact that these can have huge problems of their own. Many of them expect their supporters not only to understand them but to support them enthusiastically at every turn, and if these don’t, (or if there is the slightest reason for them to assume that they don’t) these “victims” will feel entitled to be offended and become vicious aggressors, with a whole fan club behind them protecting their backs and convinced of promoting a honorable cause.

I am fed up with being tolerant. It seems you can hardly do anything anymore without offending someone: watching Disney movies or old classics, wearing a pink dress, calling a woman a woman instead of woman / trans / cis / non-binary etc. There is always someone who will point to these things saying why they’re not right.

I’m sorry but clichés, prejudices and stereotypes can’t be totally avoided: the human brain is not wired to know all facts about everything and everyone. What you can do is teach children and adolescents to be respectful towards everybody, even if they don’t like a particular person or group. Nobody has the right to force you to like everybody and to agree with every life style. But it seems the world has become full of people who seem to have nothing better to do but feel personally offended at the drop of a hat and make a fuss about how hurt their feelings are. Helping someone out who is in a difficult situation is not the same as catering to the keyed-up hysterics of some entitled brat. Seeing the difference between these two can be quite difficult because the latter often show their true face only after years and years, when they realize that for some reason or other, they can no longer squeeze you out for their personal benefit giving nothing back.

Who follows my account is aware that I did not like The Rise of Skywalker. Heaven knows I wrote enough about it. But I did not and will not harass the studios twittering, mailing, making youtube videos etc. ranting and raving about what rubbish it supposedly is for years, like the haters of The Last Jedi. Listening to them, one would think their whole reason for living had been destroyed on purpose. We most probably largely have to thank them for the Episode IX disaster, the flattest and most uninteresting Star Wars film ever made; not to mention the harassment the actress Kelly Marie Tran was subject to. Anyone has the right to dislike the development the authors chose for the saga, but for heaven’s sake: after all, it’s just a movie. If such a relatively insignificant thing can be hyped up like this, I don’t want to know what’s in store coming from people who feel offended for much more personal reasons, like race or gender.

Tolerance cannot be one-sided; it cannot mean that whatever one side wants does not have to be reasonable or useful, but they are entitled to scream and yell until the other side gives in. (If for no other reason than to satisfy them so they will finally shut it.)

Conclusions (I did warn you…)

I. Hogwarts is not my world

Hogwarts is supposed to sound like a dream come true, but I never liked the idea of a “school” where pupils, who are still children and adolescents, are taught spells and engaged in games and tournaments where they have to risk life and limb. These facts are commonly overlooked, I guess, because “the heroes” usually don’t get hurt. The heroes overcome their traumata but do not get wiser from them, on the contrary: their suffering is supposed to make them seem nobler so that we will root for them more. Harry loses his parents before he could get to know them; his adoptive family mistreats him, but he doesn’t care about them; Cedric dies in his stead, but they were not close friends; Dumbledore dies when Harry was getting too old for a father figure; Snape dies, but Harry never liked him either. The list could go on. Harry always remains an innocent; he never gets to look into a metaphorical mirror where he has to see all of the bad that is inside of him, his darker sides are always projected and personified by someone else. (When he does look into a metaphorical mirror in the first book and movie, he finds out that the Philosopher’s stone is, magically, in his pocket. How convenient.)

I can’t invest emotionally in a fictional character who stands out before having earned or deserved it. Harry is like a Chosen One who skips the hero’s journey: from an abusive household, he is catapulted into a whole new world made of mystery and wonder, where he immediately is singled out, admired before he lifts a finger, unexplainably lucky, awed due to his heritage, envied by who is not as special as he. Harry remains untainted by own sins because other people do the dirty work for him; which seems ok because they are, for one reason or another, uncool - Dumbledore = old, Ron = weak / foolish, Hermione / Snape = unpleasant, his parents = dead, and so on. Yes, Harry sometimes makes mischief, but people usually cut him slack because of his past as an abused child, his parent’s tragic death, and his undefinable power that makes him resist the Evil One. The Dursleys, Snape and Draco don’t tolerate him, which is why they are coded as villains or at least very disagreeable characters. How do you recognize a villain in these stories? Simple, he’s being mean to Harry. Everybody else gives him special treatment because you don’t want to upset the person whom you expect to defeat the ultimate villain. I always found his character bland and uninteresting. We e.g. learned why Snape was so lonely and bitter, but not why Harry was so “good” although he had grown up unloved, in an abusive household, until he was eleven.

For decades now Harry Potter fandoms and clubs gather all over the world proudly proclaiming that they are something really special and not like “them Muggles”. No wonder these stories are so popular with who feels misunderstood and downtrodden. Wouldn’t it be nice to be born with capacities ordinary people can’t even dream of? When maybe you’re just a common person, shocking thought. Nowadays, if you want to be someone outstanding, make it up in your mind and it automatically becomes true. And if you identify with the protagonist, you get to be a hero before you did anything special into the bargain. Harry is a victim of other person’s sins and / or blunders and his story is about unfolding the details of his victimhood and correcting them so he gets his happy ending. We are supposed to sympathize with this: well, I can’t. Victimhood and alleged inborn virtue are insufficient to make a protagonist “overcome his trials” and emerge triumphantly over his sidekicks or enemies, without any real loss on his side, while they get killed or, at best, ridiculed. And I will not pick up the part of that sidekick any more.

II. Feminism Is Not My World

While I am an advocate for women’s independence, I do not identify as a feminist. I have an independent nature: that does not mean I am or should be ashamed of being a lady. This where we live is the era of the tomboys, of the feisty, cool, tough females. And often they don’t just go their own way but feel entitled to scorn women who do have their own job and live with a man who respects them, but also like the color pink, pretty clothes, flowers, romantic stories and everything else the new wave feminism likes to dismiss as “brainwashing”. Today you can hardly let your daughter watch a Disney movie without being accused of undermining her identity with false ideas about womanhood because, oh wonder, it seems a “real woman” must think and act like a badass guy.

Louder for the feminists in the back: you can actually look and behave in a way that is coded as “female” and be intelligent, independent and self-respecting. Women who went their own way have existed in every age and culture, often making great achievements and changing the world around them; they were intelligent, compassionate and took matters into their own hands. They did not proclaim that they unfairly were victims of men: they knew how to make men respect them. Being a woman is not a stereotype thrust upon you, it’s natural. If someone rejects qualities that are identified as “female”, it’s their very own affair. If I wanted to return the offense, I might as easily say that “feminists” and “empowered females” are just too smug to do the dishes.

III. Trans, cis, binary etc. is not my world

For millennia, people had to accept the sex they were born with. Now you can have surgery and take hormones to get rid of a problem which you can’t solve on your own. Sorry, but I can’t get my head around it: to me the gender diversity discussion is unnatural. Good and right things are always the same, they cannot change with time and “scientifical / medical progress”. Tomboyish females and same-sex lovers are as old as the world, but it’s only a few decades since you can surgically have your sex changed if you feel uncomfortable with it, and even less time since you can claim the right to be both male and female or not to choose any sex at all. Excuse me, what’s behind it? Fear of missing out? I know, nowadays we are supposed to “change the stars”, but excuse me, it’s not possible. Rowling did not change the stars: as I wrote above, she got lucky.

I can say from own experience that for healthy growth a person needs limits. It is not “tolerant”, in my opinion, to say that one can be male or female or binary or none of that, all by choice. If I raise a child calling it a boy because he was born with male organs, or by Catholic standards because I am a Catholic myself, I believe no one has the right to say that I am intruding into its personality. I would be intolerant if said child would later come out to me e.g. as trans or atheist and I would dismiss its identification and opinion as a matter of principle, or disown it altogether. Rejecting rules and values is like pretending that it is wrong to be e.g. female, or straight, or that Catholic values are rubbish. None of that is true. It is true that a trans or gay or atheist or Buddhist etc. is not automatically an immoral or inferior person.

I can accept other people’s choices about their gender identification; that doesn’t mean I must like or support their mindset. It doesn’t automatically make me “transphobic”. If it is intrusive or intolerant to say that someone is male because he was born with male organs, what will come next? Will “normal” females no longer be entitled to protect their most intimate privacy because any guy can share our private space, like a public toilet or dress room, claiming he’s a woman (and he might well not be trans, but a lying voyeur?) Will we no longer give our children male or female names? Not teach them any values? No longer send them to kindergarten, to school, maybe not even feed or clothe them or furnish their nurseries according to our own judgement, because the poor babies can’t choose by themselves yet?

We all did not choose to be born in the first place.

If you want to protect your children from suffering, don’t have them: suffering is a part of life. Trans is not my world. I don’t want to destroy it or to behave rudely towards it; I simply do not want to have part in it. I want people to care for me, and to do so because I am me, not because I come out with this or another sexual orientation or make myself an advocate for people who belong to this or another minority.

All of the above is why I will not jump on the current “I defend minorities” respectively “I defend downtrodden victims” train. The good part is that I don’t have any Harry Potter book or merchandise I could burn anyway. 😊

Anyone who is uncomfortable with my point of view can unfollow me. Bullies will be blocked and reported without further ado. Greetings from a notorious Muggle.

#minorities #jk rowling #trans #harry potter #disney #gone with the wind #the godfather #goodfellas #feminism #prejudices #bullying #read more

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ordinaryschmuck · 4 years ago

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What I thought about the MCU (Phase Three Part Two)

And here’s part two! Or, as I like to call it, my reviews of the best movies of the MCU.

Click here for part one.

5th place: Spider-Man: Far From Home (9/10)

This is probably one of the most dividing Spider-Man movies we're ever going to have. Ask someone who claims they're a hardcore Spider-Man fan, and odds are they either really hate this movie or consider it the best one yet. For me, I enjoyed Spider-Man: Far From Home, but I do have some complaints. In some ways, the movie improves upon the original. MJ is a much better love interest than Liz ever will be, the action is top-notch (note to self, do a full scene breakdown on why the fight on Tower Bridge is the best fight scene in a Spider-Man movie), and this movie better understands the struggles of being Spider-Man. There are so many times when it's clear that Peter just wants to take a break and enjoy his vacation, but because he's him, he can't just stand by when people are in danger. Because it's not in his DNA. However, despite some improvements, I still think there are other elements that Spider-Man: Homecoming does better. As that movie has better comedy, a more tightly paced story, and especially a better villain.

Don't get me wrong, I do like Mysterio (it's not a spoiler if he's one of the most popular Spider-Man villains). The writers found a great way of adapting his character into something that fits this universe while also giving a scene that is everything Spider-Man fans would and should expect when they hear, "Mysterio is the villain." The problem is that not only does Vulture have better drive his plans and a more devious personality, but the "big reveal" this movie has with Mysterio is handled very poorly. I still like Far From Home, and I highly recommend it, but I'd be lying if I'd say that there's a reason why other people are less forgiving than me when it comes to this movie.

4th place: Spider-Man: Homecoming (9.5/10)

This is my favorite Spider-Man movie. And because Spider-Man is my favorite superhero, I couldn’t just save how much I love it into one to two paragraphs. So, here’s a more complex review instead.

3rd place: Thor: Ragnarok (9.5/10)

...WHERE! THE F**K! WAS THIS THOR MOVIE?! Seriously, we had boring stories, dull love interests, forgettable villains, and subpar action and comedy in the first two Thor movies. When this entire time we could have gotten an exciting story, a strong female character, two incredible villains, and one of the funniest films in the MCU with the third most epic final fight in the franchise?

...

No. That will not stand.

WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?! I demand to speak with the person who failed to give us an exciting trilogy whilst having the third movie shows us what we SHOULD HAVE gotten!

Joking aside, I really love this movie. Not only for the reasons I mentioned earlier but also because this film made me like Thor as a character. I didn't care about the guy we got in the first two movies. But the Thor in Thor: Ragnarok? This guy, I like. I would love to hang out with the guy, talk with him, get to know him...maybe even date him--The point is that Thor is ten times more interesting in this movie than he was in others.

Now, does that mean it's perfect? Pretty damn close, if you ask me. Sure, the fun comes to a grinding halt whenever we cut back to Asgard, the most boring planet in the universe. But you still get Cate Blanchett hamming it up as Hella, so what is there to complain about. It's so good that, you know what, I'm gonna do a full review of this movie. And not like a quick thoughts review like I did for Spider-Man: Homecoming. I mean a full-on analytical review, discussing everything this movie does right and wrong. And that will be coming...whenever the hell I have the time for it. Spring semester is coming up, after all.

But it will happen, and it will hopefully make it clear why Thor: Ragnarok is the best Thor movie. Period.

2nd place: Black Panther (9.5/10)

...I will never fully grasp how important this movie is. I'll come close and try as hard as I can, but by the end of the day, Black Panther wasn't made for me. It's made for a group of people that I will never be a part of, people who deal with so many more issues than me, and all I can do I feel empathy for them. And even though I'll never be the target audience for this film, I will always admit how good it is. The action is incredible, the message is more prominent now than it was back in 2018, and Killmonger is one of the best villains in the MCU, one that at times gives Thanos a run for his money. Not just because Killmonger has an understandable motive, or because he has a plan that's worthy of debate, or even because he's a great character in general. My reasoning is because Killmonger represents a perfect mirror for what T'Challa could have been if he let vengeance consume him in Captain America: Civil War. I'm not a fan of when these movies make the villain have the exact same powers as the hero because it's just a lame excuse to give both characters even ground. Here, making the hero and villain the same shows that this is what T'Challa could be if things went a little different, as they both have similar ideals and motivations but have divergent methods that their impulses drive.

There is so much this movie does right, which is why for every complaint (read: nitpick) this movie gets, I can't help but respond with, "Who cares?" Why does Killmonger getaway so effortlessly in a scene that comes immediately after the one that shows how unstoppable T'Challa can be? Who cares. Why does a movie called Black Panther barely focus on its titular character for a good chunk of the story? Who cares. Why is the CGI so butt ugly? Who...Actually, no. That I've got to give it to you. The CGI looks unfinished at times, and it becomes extra noticeable in the final fight between Black Panther and Killmonger. But still, that is nothing compared to the many, MANY, things that make this movie a damn near-masterpiece. And seeing how this might be the last great story we'll get with this character, then I'll take a damn near-masterpiece (Rest in power, Chadwick Boseman. Wherever you might be.)

1st Place: Avengers: Infinity War/Avengers: Endgame (10/10)

Yeah...both of these movies are the best, in my opinion. Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame is the perfect conclusion to the Infinity Saga. These movies tie up almost every loose ends in past films with a story that has been ten years in the making. Plus, ignoring that fact alone, these are both fantastic movies that balance tragedy with great comedy and character moments, a score that's music to the ears, and by far the best villain any of these flms had. While Killmonger is pretty damn good, there is no beating Thanos. Not only are his lines/monologues quotable, but he is the first villain who is close to having a point. That doesn't mean his evil plan is right like so many psychopaths claim. You see, he has reasoning that you can fully understand, but it's still a radical idea that is far from the right decision. And in Avengers: Endgame, you really see how much of a mad Titan he really is when he decides to go further with his plan. And that's barely scratching the surface of what makes him an awesome villain.

As for our heroes, both movies focus on a ton of them, each getting proper attention, with only a handful receiving the short end of the stick. This doesn't matter as the final battle has an army of superheroes--Let me repeat that: An army of superheroes going against one guy. And trust me when I say, where the battle of New York is worth watching The Avengers, the battle for the Universe is worth investing time into the MCU. Every minute is satisfying, making it all the easier to forget the valid complaints these movies have. Because despite the imperfections, everything Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame does incredibly well makes them both the best films in the MCU. Past, present, and future.

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And that’s all for now. See you soon when I rank each of these movies from worst to best. And don’t worry. I’ll keep it brief.

#marvel cinematic universe #mcu review #the avengers #black panther #spider-man #mcu spider-man #thor #what i thought about

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soyouareandrewdobson · 4 years ago

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Digging through the archives 1: The ReBoot drama

Hello and welcome to one of the first “subsections” of posts I am going to make on this tumblr for the sake of an easier overview. This one is titlted “Digging through the archives”, because it will always relate to something I will find by literally looking for some of the oldest “opinion” or personal related stuff about Dobson that there is. So think of this here less as me tackling his comics and more of my own version of what the Hypocrisy of Andrew Dobson does.

With that explanation out of the way, lets just briefly talk about Dobson and his idea of fan entitlement; If you have followed Dobson throughout the last year or so, you know he has a very low opinion on fans of the original She-Ra and He-Man, 80s cartoons in general and Star Wars, to the point he thinks the people behind it are all potential alt righters (link red flag comic) or basically man children.

To anyone who knows Dobson however, it would be no surprise now to learn that he has a tendency to be the same kind of way to other people and creators. Like when he whined to an actual writer on a Frozen related property about the necessity of giving Elsa a girlfriend, which even resulted in Aaron Sparrow being involved at one point, a professional animator and comic writer on the Boom Comics related Darkwing Duck issues. A prime example on how Dobson will literally make himself also unsympathetic to the people he wants to work for/with.

But then there is what I found in relation to a little animated series by the name of ReBoot and that is really where both his entitlement and egotism kinda shine.

For those unaware: ReBoot was a computer animated adventure show produced by Mainframe Entertainment and ran from 1994 to 2001. It is actually listed as the first fully computer animated cartoon out there and is fondly remembered by a lot of people. Unfortunately, I myself have never watched it so I can’t give a “valid” opinion on it. All I have seen so far are clips on youtube but I will admit that what I have seen in them looks fun and intriguing, even if the animation at parts (especially in season 1 related content) has not aged that well. But hey, early computer animation, that is forgivable. And any media that manages to make an episode that is also in a way a huge tribute to Evil Dead of all things in a children cartoon is a big win for me.

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Now, how is ReBoot connected to Dobson? Dobson has been a fan of ReBoot, a fact he made publicly known when in 2007 rumors of a continuation of ReBoot emerged. Something Dobson, again, the man who is pissed about the entitlement of She-Ra fans, has not been very happy about.

But Dobson, what is so wrong about being “different” from the past? After all, let the past die! The original show had terrible artwork! And not everything back in the day was good, right?

Yeah, it is pretty obvious how his complaining and stands against “modern” fans ring pretty hollow when he himself acted as the entitled brat he thinks critics of new She-Ra and Thundercats Roar are, back in 2007 already. Also I honestly feel that at the very least the creators of that idea gave their fans still more “control” than Rian Johnson did. And we all know how much Star Wars suffered in terms of reputation because of it.

BTW, this webcomic continuation mentioned? It is actually not just a rumor that went nowhere, but one of the most fascinating aspects I found when reading up on ReBoot via Wikipedia. The idea was that of the five potential pitches (so again, there was variety given that even could have been expanded on) people could choose one that would be further adapted. Additionally the people behind the idea were looking for more active input by fans, giving people the chance to apply as artists working on it if they decided to submit samples people could vote on. Something Dobson jumped actually on. And tried to manipulate in his own favor

The thing that catches my attention at first is how hyperbole Dobson is. Claiming the fate of the show is in their hands and treating voting on this thing like it’s a live or die situation, with pointlessly writing stuff in caps as if we are reading the headline of some trashy newspaper article. It just comes off less as someone who is a fan and more of a fanatic of the show. Second, I just find it hilarious that of all the plattforms online Dobson decided to post that “VERY IMPORTANT” information people should act immediately on, was deviantart. Did he genuinely expect people would flock to what he wrote in order to immediately do something about the vote? Deviantart even back then was mostly for posting fanart, few people read journals and even less people cared for ReBoot. I don’t know if the /co/ board of 4chan existed back in 2007 already, but he would have had more success posting on there and get the information out, than on dA.

Lastly, the shameless self promotion. Stating he does not care which pitch wins, when only three day prior he whined how they all suck and he wishes the show would be done justice by someone. That someone obviously being him, the person who is so hardcore as a fan, because he already waited 8 years just to watch season 3. Damned be any other artists or pitches that may be better or more popular than him, HE is the true messiah and that is his chance to shine. So don’t be “neutral” and judge fairly based on actual competence, talent and effort, just vote for him blindly or else Trump wins the second term and your beautiful nation turns into the fourth rei- I mean, Dobson will be a very sad guy who has come to terms with the fact he is not talented enough to work on a reboot/continuation of his favorite children show.

Well, it seemed to have had some impact though, as four day later he posted this

And obviously Dobson is pissed his favorite pitch did not win and instead of being grateful for the good ratings some of his artwork got he focuses instead on the fact that his Enzo and Megabyte pic had the lowest rating. Which in my opinion it kinda deserved. I mean, look at those artpieces:

Enzo is okayish looking but the rest? That is not Megabyte and a genuine background, it is a cola light version of the entire Ripley disaster with the Samus Artwork commission. Also, Enzo’s hands just look weird. His fingers more alien than they need to be and the position of his legs not really adjusting to how the hip is supposed to move. The comic sample page that Dobson drew being okay overall, aside of the fact that Enzo in one panel HAS FOUR INSTEAD OF FIVE FINGERS ON ONE HAND DESPITE HAVING FIVE FINGERS IN A PREVIOUS PANEL. I am also not really a fan of how Dobson puts emphasize on the word “FAN” and “PAGES” in the post, indicating he thinks he is a better and bigger fan than any of the people who submitted their entries too, off handedly praising them but also making it obvious he thinks he is the most fit for the job, because he can also “copy any artstyle” and adjust to the needs of his superiors. Yeah, sure. That’s why you are nowadays and with even more time and effort put into your work so “good” at imitating Ladybug, your comics look exactly like in the show…

Now considering that Dobson does not have ReBoot under his resume and likely tried his best to bury any enthusiasm for it, you can imagine how this chance at being an official artist ended up.

Not even much of a follow up or introspective in why he may have not won. His enthusiasm died within two days.

And honestly, I am surprised that as a result he did not fake depression and rage quit doing comics for a month or so as he did here and there.

And that is pretty much the end of the ReBoot drama, at least as far as I know.

If you are interested what happened with the comic project, here is what I managed to gather:

The project did actually not die in development, but “ReBoot: Arrival” would be reimagined under the name “Code of Honour” and be published online in three “issues” over the course of the next few months. The comic’s status as “canon” continuation of the show is however very much in the air, as quite a lot of people think it is something of a fanfiction, others think it is a good enough continuation that unfortunately still does not deliver on an “ultimate” ending of the franchise. That said, with additional plans like a movie trilogy never been realized and the “reboot” known as “ReBoot: The Guardian Code” having been perceived as an insult by fans and a disappointment by most audiences (which Dobson was surprisingly silent about) this comic seems to be the best thing fans can still hope for and read.

youtube

Yeah, I am not even kidding. The comic is still up. Here, have two links to independent pages if you want to either read it for the first time or revisit it for the sake of nostalgia.

As for Dobson, if he reads this, I just have one thing to say to you: Don’t you ever again try to whine about how entitled fanboys are, if you felt entitled enough yourself you tried to manipulate a competition in your own favor in the hope to become a writer and then exploit ReBoot for your own agenda and benefit.

#andrew dobson #syac #tom preston #she-ra #reboot #reboot:the guardian code #western animation #computer animation #bob #megabyte #enzo #hypocrisy

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swaps55 · 5 years ago

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5 Questions for Writers

Tagged by @foofyschmoofer! Perfect timing, as I am chewing on how to re-frame a new scene and haven’t gotten anywhere with it, ha.

Tagging @citadelsushi, @pigeontheoneandonly, @nightingaleseeking, @joufancyhuh and seriously anyone else!!!!! No obligations.

1. Do you have a favorite character to write? Who and why?

Right now? Joker. He comes so easily, and makes every scene he’s in a delight. There’s a lot of him in Sonata, my current WIP.

2. Do you have a favorite trope to write? Or one you want to write?

...I feel like if I say anything other than fake relationship I’d look like a complete liar. But also just epic, endless pining and hurt/comfort. The classics.

3. Share your favorite description you’ve written?

Would it be really selfish and terrible if I gave you two?

...Imma give you two.

I hopelessly love everything I wrote about the Battle of the Citadel from Joker’s perspective, from here.

The Normandy shot through the relay under Joker’s steady hands, a swath of hot dust and radioactive particles smothering the shutters with blue-lit gas.

Joker wasn’t looking at the shutters. All he’d find was a cocoon of stillness and silence. But the ship’s sensors were alive with heat – a chaotic hail of ordinance and high velocity projectiles tearing across the vacuum, with no gravity or air resistance to stop or even slow them down.

Just a target. Whether they reached their intended target was irrelevant. Every quantum torpedo loosed in the melee would eventually find something to hit.

Newton’s first law was a bitch.

Ladar identified dozens of enemy vessels, from bombers and frigates that darted swiftly in and out of attack lanes to the slower, sluggish cruisers and dreadnoughts anchored all around the tightly sealed cylinder of the Citadel.

Alliance transponders winked into existence around the relay like tiny stars, the overwhelming task of dispatching so many ships at once creating staggering amounts of drift. The smaller, more maneuverable vessels immediately dispatched to cover the flank of the Everest, the kilometer long dreadnought Hackett presided over with a proportionate main gun that made the Hiroshima bomb seem like a tea party, complete with princess hats.

Against the geth, it might not be enough.

Fighters launched in droves, streaking towards the geth onslaught as the bow guns of cruisers sounded off in rhythmic patterns. Light on light, heat spike upon heat spike, a carefully but brutally coordinated clash of ordinance playing out in energy pings and return signals.

The second one is this, from Celestial Navigation. I am so fucking proud of it. Mildly NSFW:

Shepard’s armor is as much a part of him as the person underneath it, and he’s not just talking about the hardsuit. There’s the military fatigues. The leather jacket and jeans that make it really fucking hard to pay attention. He’s got shield emitters on all of them, and they’re no less protective for being figurative.

But skin tells a different story. It doesn’t hide the scars. The wear. The truth. Shepard’s all lean muscle over hard edges – biotic metabolism, just like his – not an ounce of him wasted or spared. His skin is a star chart of things he’s put his body through, and Kaidan’s navigating it as best he can. It hurts to think how much of that history Cerberus erased when they brought him back from the grave. The things Kaidan can’t see. Things he’ll never know.

So he focuses on the things he does know. Shepard’s body is familiar, but only as it functions in a hardsuit. Where it’s weak. Where it’s strong. How long before his amp overheats, how much punishment his barrier can take before he’s spent and vulnerable. He knows Shepard’s weak left hip – still weak, even after he’s been rebuilt from the ground up, because the man doesn’t know how to roll to the right every now and then – and how to protect him from it.

Now instead of gauntleted hands searching ablative for a breach to seal, Kaidan’s fingers skate over bare skin, find where it’s whole and where it’s broken. Instead of checking his biofeed and reading Shepard’s pulse he feels it under his palm, flesh and blood instead of numbers in his HUD.

This is better. This is much better.

It’s better when Shepard’s hand glides across the inside of his thigh and wraps Kaidan’s leg around him. It’s better when their limbs tangle in the sheets, and Kaidan nearly knocks him off the bed trying to get free from the loop snaring his foot. It’s better when the muscles of Shepard’s belly jump as Kaidan ghosts them with his fingers.

Shepard threatens him with bodily harm if he ever lets it slip that the Savior of the Citadel is ticklish.

They’re messy but eager, feeling their way through one touch at a time. The angles that fit. The ones that don’t. They’re both seasoned soldiers with joints that pop and bones that ache, nursed along each day with a little dose of aspirin and a lot of grin and bear it. Some they already know, others they discover with winces and grunts when a hand strikes the wrong spot or a something torques left when it needs to torque right.

4. Share your favorite dialogue you’ve written?

I always default to dialogue from an unfinished story that I still think is the pinnacle I will never top, but so I don’t post it again I’m going with something different here. This is from Plans, and I absolutely love this little interaction.

He was still staring out the window when a familiar presence settled in beside him. Arms draped over the railing, familiar bow in his shoulders, weight on his right foot. Before Cerberus, Shepard had always rested his left foot because of that bad hip. Kaidan wondered if that was still true or now just a force of habit. Had Cerberus rebuilt that hip the way they'd upgraded his amp, or had their “bring him back the same as before” mantra extended to nagging injuries? There was so much about Shepard he needed to relearn. And yet so much he didn't.

“Remember when I said you should annoy the shit out of Udina?” Shepard asked.

“Yeah,” Kaidan said, flushing a little.

“That wasn't exactly what I had in mind.”

Kaidan jabbed his toe at the railing. "First day jitters, I guess.”

Shepard smiled a little, but it faded quickly. “You did the right thing. For whatever that’s worth coming from the guy Udina would have loved to see you put a bullet in.”

“He wouldn’t have enjoyed it, Shepard. The real Udina, at least. Not whatever indoctrinated puppet he was at the end.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Kaidan shook his head. “You two may not have seen eye to eye on anything, but he respected you. Most of the time. You wanted the same things. Just…had different ways of achieving them.”

Shepard huffed in distaste. “I didn’t hand Cerberus the keys to the Citadel.”

“But you did accept their help when it was convenient,” Kaidan pointed out, unable to keep some of the bitterness from slipping through. “Use them to accomplish your goals. The difference is that you won and he lost.”

Shepard was silent for several painful seconds. Still. When he finally spoke his voice almost sounded small. “Yeah. I guess I deserve that.”

Kaidan sighed. “You didn’t deserve it. I just.”

“You’re you,” Shepard replied, not unkindly.

5. Scene you haven’t written, but want to?

My other WIP is a trilogy-spanning slow burn mShenko romance, which I am basically writing for one line that I will use when they finally hook up in ME3.

I am very much looking forward to that moment.

#mememe #writing meme #meme replies #thank you for the tag!!!#it's stupidly self-indulgent how much i like to talk about this shit

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 5 years ago

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Psycho Analysis: General Hux

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Oh boy.

I think that Hux is a character who, more than anything, is emblematic of every single problem the prequel trilogy had. He had a great setup and first appearance, followed by one where he was just made a complete ass of, and then finally haphazardly thrown into a story where his entire character was betrayed for no apparent reason other than the writers just seemed to forget what the hell they were gonna do with him.

Motivation/Goals: This is where Hux really falls apart, and why he utterly fails as a villain. Ostensibly, Hux should be the loyal space military man we’ve seen done well before in characters like Tarkin. It’s a simple character type we’ve seen a lot in the franchise, but it’s tried and true. And to his credit, he seems to follow that in The Force Awakens, where he is actually set up extremely well, as most things in that movie were.

But then came The Last Jedi. This film marked the bumpy slide downward for the sequel trilogy, but Hux had smooth sailing all the way into the pit. In this film, he is treated less like the high-ranking official e is, and more like a complete and utter JOKE. He gets dragged across the floor and just belittled by his superiors at every turn, and by the film’s end it is abundantly clear he hates Kylo Ren. So this is going to set up some awesome internal power struggle in the First Order, right? WRONG. All that ends up happening is there are a few scenes where Hux looks pissy at Kylo, then it’s revealed he’s betraying the First Order to the rebels because he hates Kylo Ren that much, and then he is unceremoniously blasted away in the very next scene.

Literally nothing about his betrayal makes any sense because if nothing else, Hux has been established as loyal to the First Order. Much like everything in The Rise of Skywalker, they might have been able to pull this off if they bothered to explain anything, but his pouty, whiny little bitch-boy response of “I don’t care who wins, I just want Kylo Ren to LOSE!” is such an utterly demeaning and pathetic excuse that it just tanks his entire character and makes it a relief when he is blasted away.

Performance: Domhnall Gleeson is a good actor, and at least in The Force Awakens he’s really giving it his all, bringing a terrifying intensity to that scene where he gives a speech to the gathered First Order before Starkiller Base is activated. But after that first film, his performance just feels… almost phoned in. Hux is just a very dull, worthless character after that.

Final Fate: Hux’s death is fitting, seeing as he is a cowardly bastard with no dignity whatsoever; Pryde just immediately executes him on the spot without a second thought a single scene after Hux has revealed he is the mole in the First Order. It honestly saved the Resistance the trouble, because there’s no doubt Hux would be executed for war crimes after the war was over anyway. Kinda makes you wonder what the point of him being a mole was in the first place, to be honest.

Oh, right, there was no point.

Best Scene: The solitary moment where Hux manages to achieve greatness is during his terrifying Nazi-esque First Order speech in The Force Awakens as he revs up the Starkiller Base to blow up the Hosnian system. In fact, Hux really is only as bad as I think he is as a character because not a single film afterwards even attempts to try and emulate or match how Hux is portrayed in this scene. If they had ran with this characterization, we could have had someone on the level of Tarkin, Pryde, or Krennic instead of the idiotic slapstick punching bag who gets crapped on by his superiors every scene.

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Best Quote: Just turn the subtitles on for his speech up there, that’s his unironic best quote. In an ironic sense, his petulant, whiny little reasoning for betraying literally everything he stands for despite being an unrepentant war criminal who would be executed at war’s end is hilarious for how absolutely stupid, awful, and juvenile it is: “I don't care if you win. I need Kylo Ren to lose!”

Final Thoughts & Score: Hux is, without a doubt, one of the worst villains ever, and unlike Palpatine he doesn’t have much to fall back on. Yes, Domhnall Gleeson is a good actor, but he is no Ian McDiarmid, that’s for sure, and he is entirely unable to salvage the character when things go south. It doesn’t help that, unlike Palpatine, who has three or four movies under his belt where he was hilarious and awesome as well as several other appearances in stuff like the animated shows or that one Kinect game where he straight up gets off his throne and busts a move (which is totally canon, I promise), Hux really just has three films where he just steadily gets worse as the series progresses, culminating in a third appearance that just cements him as one of the most dumbass characters conceived for this franchise.

It’s really baffling to think what they were trying to do with him. They set him up as a really cool and threatening military villain in the first film, then have him survive unlike his betters Tarkin and Krennic, and then just spend an entire film treating him like a complete and utter joke only to have him, in his final film, pull an utterly nonsensical and counterintuitive betrayal out of his ass that completely spits in the face of everything that was established about the guy up until that point. A 1/10 almost seems too nice for him, but let me tell you something: a 1 isn’t merely for a villain who sucks, that’s what 2 is for.

No, a 1 is a villain who has utterly botched potential AND ALSO sucks. Malekith could have been cool, as his comic counterpart shows, but they squandered him; Dudepeel could have been an awesome cinematic Deadpool as the Ryan Reynolds performance earlier in the film showed, but the character was intentionally sabotaged; Rowan from Ghostbusters could have been an actual fun and funny villain while still being a jab at whiny entitled dudebros if the writing was any better; and Hux could have been a cool and threatening military villain if they didn’t just turn him into an utter joke and then totally mischaracterize him for no good reason. It really just is a fact that everyone who went in to The Rise of Skywalker came out infinitely worse; maybe I should be glad that Phasma was killed in The Last Jedi, because instead of being disappointing wasted potential she could have ended up like Hux.

But hey, while we’re here, let’s talk about the character in The Rise of Skywalker who is Hux done right:

Psycho Analysis: Allegiant General Enric Pryde

He’s ruthless. He’s efficient. He sees through lies and he gets things done. Enric Pryde is an utter badass and the exact sort of evil military commander Star Wars deserves as a villain.

Motivation/Goals: The Rise of Skywalker keeps things really vague since it is a film incapable of expanding on any idea, no matter how good it is, in a satisfying way, but what we do get is that Pryde is as loyal as they come, having served the Empire back in the day under Palpatine. He is just here to execute the will of the First Order and then the Final Order, no matter what, be it under Kylo Ren or Palpatine. Sweet, simple, effective, and never once betrayed by the story. Take that, Hux!

Performance: Richard E. Grant portrays Pryde, and he is just completely and utterly dead serious. There’s no jokes at his expense, nothing to mock, he is completely and utterly committed to his evil actions. I really don’t think I could possibly say it better than TVTropes did:

Final Fate: Of course, he gets blown up when that whole random CGI fleet that showed up with Lando comes in. Characters either went into The Rise of Skywalker and came out crappy or they died. There’s really no in between.

Best Scene: When he kills Hux, of course! It’s just a perfect showcase of his character, and it rids us of one of the sequel trilogy’s biggest embarrassments.

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Final Thoughts & Score: Pryde is not the most deep or complex villain, nor is he utilized to his fullest potential; his past with Palpatine is largely unexplored, and he was just created for this movie, meaning he had absolutely no buildup whatsoever. Despite all that, though, he still manages to be cooler, more efficient, and more ruthless than any other villain in the whole sequel trilogy. He’s got limited screentime, was made entirely for this film, and is pretty much the bare minimum for what a great evil general should be in the franchise, but Richard E. Grant’s stoic and dead serious performance combined with the character’s crowning achievement – killing Hux – makes him a 7/10 in my book.

The sad thing is that he’s probably the best major antagonist in the sequel trilogy, which is frankly kind of pathetic. And even more sad is how utterly he outdoes Hux, simply by being what Hux should have been all along and what The Force Awakens was clearly building him up as.

#Psycho Analysis #Star Wars #Sequel trilogy #General Hux #domhnall gleeson #Enric Pryde #richard e. grant

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